Chapter Text
Stupid
“Stupid, stupid,” Wanda chastises softly.
Pietro lets out a long, indignant whine. He pushes his nose into her neck and sinks, bonelessly, into her lap.
“Stupid,” she says again, and rubs along his spine.
“My therapist says you shouldn’t use that word,” Iron Man, Stark, calls out. He is in the cockpit. They are in something called a quinjet.
“Stupid,” Wanda says.
“I appreciate it,” Hawkeye, Barton, says.
“Sorry,” Pietro says.
--
This is how it starts:
Iron Man builds a weapon of mass destruction.
The weapon mass destructs.
The Avengers, plus Wanda and Pietro, stop the weapon from mass destructing.
--
But this is how it really starts:
Pietro takes a bullet to the gut.
Then Pietro takes another bullet to the gut.
Then Pietro takes a fist to the face, and a metal arm takes more bullets that would have went into Pietro’s gut.
Then Pietro gets an incredibly disappointed look from an incredibly angry looking man with an incredibly bulletproof metal arm.
“Holy shit,” Pietro says.
“Stupid,” Wanda calls him.
--
“You know,” Captain America, Rogers, says, “there’s a whole lot of ways to stop bullets other than with your body.”
He looks incredibly disappointed.
“He looks more disappointed than metal arm guy there,” Pietro whispers in Romanian.
“That’s the Winter Soldier,” Wanda whispers back.
The Winter Soldier, Barnes, snorts.
“The Captain is right,” Wanda says, again, “stupid. You are fast, not bulletproof. Use your brain.”
“My brain cannot stop bullets,” Pietro tells her, affronted.
The Winter Soldier snorts again.
“Does he speak Romanian?” Wanda asks Pietro.
“I don’t know, use your brain,” Pietro says, then, “I don’t know. I haven’t heard him speak.”
“Is that the new rule, now? Is this how we are initiating our members? Do all our newly recruited Avengers come in speaking a different language now? You have to seduce them too, Captain, so they’ll start speaking English. That’s jailbait, ain’t it?”
“Tony!” Rogers scolds.
“Stupid,” Wanda mutters.
The Winter Soldier rolls his eyes. She thinks he agrees.
--
“Are they having a fight?” Wanda says.
She has her knees propped up on a chair. Pietro is braiding her hair.
They are in some place called Avengers Tower. It’s tall, but ugly. The thing called a quinjet landed on it.
“Who?”
“Iron Man and Captain America,” she says.
Pietro hums.
The Winter Soldier is there again. He watches them.
Captain America, like Pietro, is braiding The Winter Soldier’s hair.
The Avengers are weird.
Wanda likes it.
“Captain,” Pietro calls out, and Captain America looks up. He has three bobby pins in his mouth.
“Are you and Iron Man having a fight?” Pietro asks.
“You don’t ask questions like that, stupid,” Wanda says.
Pietro ignores her.
The Winter Soldier reaches over and plucks the bobby pins from Captain America’s mouth. Captain America says, “Well, I don’t- We aren’t really, I mean,”
Pietro raises an eyebrow.
“Yes,” the Captain says, with finality. “Yes, I am mad at him, and yes, we are having a fight.”
The Winter Soldier rolls his eyes, and puts the bobby pins in his mouth.
“Call me Steve,” Captain America says, “This is James. Iron man is Tony. Hawkeye is Clint, Black Widow is Natasha, Falcon is Sam and Bruce is the Hulk. Thor is, um, Thor.”
“Those are such white people names,” Pietro tells her.
“Mhm,” says Wanda.
--
“These,” Iron Man, Tony, says, “initiation shots. Vodka.”
“They’re kids,” Captain America, Steve, says, appalled.
“How old are you?” Hawkeye, Clint, asks.
“17,” Pietro says, in English, then adds, “I’m older.”
“By 12 minutes,” Wanda interjects.
“They speak our language,” Tony proclaims.
Steve, and Falcon, Sam, shoot him dirty looks.
“Be nice, Tony,” a woman says, “stop being rude. And no alcohol, they’re 17.”
Tony pouts at her. Wanda likes her. She’s blonde, and pretty.
“We haven’t been introduced,” the woman says, and she puts out her hand. Wanda shakes it.
“I’m Pepper,” the woman says, “don’t mind Tony. He’s always a little insensitive, and we are all tired from the, um, well. We have rooms set up for you and your brother, and JARVIS will,” she cuts off and falls silent.
The room goes quiet.
Tony gets up wordlessly and leaves. Pepper looks at the room at large, looks apologetically at Pietro and Wanda, then follows him out.
“Who’s Jarvis?” Pietro asks.
“That’s Tony’s Artificial Intelligence,” Steve says, “he was merged with the Vision. He, uh, meant a lot to him. He was like family.”
“We have orange juice, you kids want some?” Clint says.
“I’ll have a glass,” Pietro says.
--
The room that Pepper has prepared for them is nice. She gives them one room, not two, with two beds, because she knows that they would want to be near each other. They don’t sleep in the separate beds anyways.
Wanda thinks it’s nice, to have a bed that both her and her brother can fit in comfortably.
Pietro hugs her. Wanda tries not to mess up his bandages, and hugs back.
“First day as an Avenger,” he says, “what did you think?”
“It was stupid,” Wanda tells him.
They don’t sleep, but they don’t really talk either.
--
In the morning, there is a knock on the door.
It’s Capt- Steve, and James.
“Hey,” Steve says, “the team usually have breakfast together at about 9am, on the communal floor on 76th. We were wondering if you would like to join us? Since you’re part of the team, and all.”
He looks awkward. James is clinging onto his back, with his legs around Steve’s waist. It’s funny.
“Okay,” Wanda says, “I will get my brother.”
Steve beams at her. He’s pretty.
James looks at her, as if to say, I know, right?
--
When Pietro and Wanda walk into the floor, Steve tells the room, “we are going to have a debrief.”
“At breakfast, Cap?” Clint says.
James has a bowl of cereal on his lap. He looks up, throws a spoon, then starts drinking the cereal from the bowl.
The spoon hits Steve on the forehead.
“After breakfast,” he concedes.
The Avengers are weird.
Wanda likes it.
“Help yourself to anything,” Black Widow, Natasha, says.
Pietro starts making a sandwich. Wanda grabs a jar of jam, and some toast.
The Vision is there, too.
“Do you want some?” Wanda offers.
“I don’t eat,” The Vision says, “but thank you.”
He sounds awkward, like he is trying to figure out how to be a person.
“That’s okay, I’m trying to figure that out too,” Wanda tells him softly.
Vision looks at her, then gives what she thinks he thinks is a human smile. Wanda thinks he gets what she means.
Pepper is patting Tony, who has his head in her lap. James has put his cereal bowl in the dishwasher, and is now sitting on Steve. Clint and Natasha and Sam and Thor and Bruce are on the couch together, and it looks like a tight fit, even though there is another empty couch.
The Avengers are weird.
Wanda likes it.
Pietro squishes next to her, in the same chair, the same way James is trying to press into Steve, and the same way Clint and Natasha and Sam and Thor and Bruce are pressed to each other.
Wanda thinks she gets it.
“Debrief?” Steve says, once James has stuffed the last banana into his mouth.
James gives him a baleful look.
Tony opens an eye, sighs, then closes the eye.
“Lay it on us, Cap,” says Clint, who leans back and jostles Natasha and receives an elbow to his ribs.
“I think we did well,” Steve says, “We tried to minimize casualties and get the Sokovians out quickly - although our response time could be improved, and there were issues about manpower deployment because of missing and last minute team members,” and he pulls out an incredibly large folder, and James lets out a theatrical sigh.
Wanda looks around.
The Avengers have mostly settled in, making themselves comfortable.
“This is going to take a while,” Clint tells her.
Steve looks up to narrow his eyes at them, then gesture to the map of Sokovia dramatically.
Pietro meets her eye, shrugs, then stretches out to sink into the chair.
--
It does take a while.
By the time Steve concludes the debrief, the Vision looks like he is the only one left being attentive.
Wanda blinks wearily.
“Wait,” Steve mutters to himself.
“No,” James says. He grabs the folder.
“Wait, no,” Steve says, “I think-”
“No,” James says, emphatically.
“I think if we went for the beta-6 instead of alpha-3 maneuver, then-” Steve starts.
“You considered that last night,” James says, “you considered everything last night.”
Steve blinks.
“I did?”
Tony stands up. “You’re going to sleep.”
Steve scowls at him. “Oh, you’re the one to talk, about sleep.”
“I know you’re still mad at me,” Tony snaps, “who fucking isn’t, okay? Look, it already happened, I fucked up, and-”
“Language,” Steve says, absently, “we have kids here.”
Tony blinks, once, twice.
Tony says, softly, “okay, Cap, okay.”
Wanda remembers their minds. She remembers Tony, kneeling in front of bodies and crying because he wasn’t strong enough, and Steve, turning his head in peacetime and all he sees is war.
And Wanda sees Steve clap Tony’s shoulder, and then James tuck the folder under his arm and herd Steve to the elevator with another.
“Stupid,” she tells Pietro.
“Hm?” He asks sleepily.
“The Avengers. Fighting is stupid.”
“Hm,” Pietro agrees.
--
They’re still fighting, Iron Man and Captain America.
Wanda feels it. They seem nice to each other, but Steve is still mad at Tony, and Tony is still mad at everything.
She thinks that Steve has a right to be mad at Tony, because what he did was stupid, but staying mad this long is even more stupid, because they’re friends.
She tells that to the Vision, who nods and says, “I agree. The Captain and Sir have gone through a lot of battles before, it would be a shame for this to split them apart.”
“At least they’re not fighting over a book,” Wanda says.
“Yes,” the Vision says, “that would be terrible. Tear-rible. Like the pun. Do you know what puns are? I’ve been doing some reading.”
Wanda thinks she likes the Vision. He’s pretty funny, in a weird non-human way.
--
They do fight over a book.
“Stupid,” she tells Pietro.
“Yes,” he agrees.
Steve has his arms thrown up, and he’s gesturing angrily to the book, that James is reading.
“Awful,” he says, “horrible, disgusting! I can’t believe you brought this into my house!”
“Your house?” Tony glares. “This is my goddamn tower.”
James looks up from the book. He scowls at both of them.
“It’s not that bad,” James cajoles, “it’s a fun story.”
“Who the fuck thinks this is a good book?” Steve yells.
“Can I read it?’ Pietro asks, and then James glares at him and shakes his head.
“Nobody is reading this,” Steve snaps, “nobody.”
“They’re making a movie after it,” Tony says, and Steve screams. James pats his back consolingly.
“Can I read it?” Pietro asks again.
Tony looks at him for a moment, considering.
Then he says, “no. Nope. Fifty shades is not a children’s book. Also you said a bad word in front of the kids, Cap.”
“This entire book is one bad word,” Steve hisses, then wrenches the book from James’ hands and tears it in half.
“Woah,” says Wanda.
“Woah,” says Pietro.
“Woah,” says Tony.
“Woah,” says James.
James’ woah is a different woah. All the woah’s were different, but James has a weird look in his eye now. Wanda takes a step back.
James looks from what’s left of the book, to Steve, then to the book again.
Then he says, “you know, it’s given me some ideas.”
“Oh no,” says Tony.
“What?” says Steve, then, “oh. Woah.”
“Woah,” James agrees, then kisses him.
“Woah,” Pietro says, for an entirely different reason.
“Woah,” Wanda agrees.
“Woah,” Tony says, as James pushes Steve into the elevator. He looks to Wanda and Pietro, the book, then says, “oh. They’re engaged, by the way. Steve and James. Gay Grandpa Supersoldiers. Bisexual? Steve proposed months ago, you should have been there, it was really shocking, because we didn’t know that he knew Russian but he did, and he proposed in Russian, and- ok, you know what? That’s a new team bonding activity. Explaining their relationship. See you at the common room at 6.”
Tony then saunters out, and Wanda blinks at the book.
“Woah,” Pietro says, again.
--
There are abrasions around Steve’s wrists.
Wanda ignores it.
The Avengers ignore it, too.
“Team bonding time,” Tony says, clapping, “story telling. The backstory of how Steve lost the Cold War, here.”
Steve looks up sharply.
Thor sits forward, intrigued.
“It starts,” Tony says, “when the helicarriers fall into the Potomac - were you there? Were you two there? When SHIELD found out that HYDRA was still alive, and then 3 giant flying ships exploded in mid-air? Did you see that?”
“No,” Pietro says.
Clint and Sam sit back as Tony rattles on, up until the point where he describes James pulling Steve out of the river.
“It was terrifying,” Tony says, “I don’t even know what he said. In Russian?”
“He called you stupid,” Natasha tells him serenely, “and he called Steve stupid, too, for letting him live.”
“What?” Steve says, “what did he say?”
James doesn’t look bothered. He pats Steve’s face and tucks his head under Steve’s chin.
Wanda wonders how she missed the whole engaged thing.
“He followed Steve into his hospital room,” Sam tells Wanda and Pietro, “and he wouldn’t stop growling. Tony’s right, it was terrifying.”
James gives the room a peaceful smile.
“He stole my coffee,” Steve says to that, “and he kept saying Protection Detail, to everything he did. He stole my coffee, said protection detail. Stole my cereal, said protection detail. Stole my blanket, said protection detail. Stole my goddamn bed and my goddamn heart-”
James purrs.
“Woah,” Pietro says.
“Yeah, woah,” Clint says, then, “hey JARVIS-”
The room goes quiet.
“FRIDAY,” Tony corrects, “say FRIDAY.”
Clint blinks at him.
“Hey, FRIDAY?” He says, softly.
The ceiling trills in acknowledgement.
“Woah,” Pietro says.
“Woah,” Wanda agrees.
“Oh, woah, okay,” Clint looks pleasantly surprised, then, “FRIDAY, you have tapes on James saying Protection Detail?”
A projection flashes on the empty wall.
An image pops up.
Projector-James is looking murderously at Projector-Natasha, who is smiling at him. Projector-Natasha is cuddled against Projector-Steve, who looks incredibly awkward.
“That’s The Winter Soldier,” Clint tells them, in explanation.
The Winter Soldier is nothing like James. The Winter Soldier wouldn’t have stopped bullets from going into Pietro’s gut. He probably would have put more there.
Projector-James, or Projector-Winter-Soldier, growls something in what Wanda thinks is Russian.
“That’s the protection detail,” Clint says, again.
Projector-Natasha huffs at him, and Projector-Steve whines, “Nat.”
Projector-Winter-Soldier tugs at Projector-Steve’s arm meaningfully and says the Russian phrase again.
Projector-Steve lets himself be pulled off the couch, and Projector-Winter-Soldier glares at him, then at Projector-Natasha.
The scene cuts, and Projector-Steve is lounging on the couch with a bowl of chips, and Projector-Winter-Soldier jumps onto his lap.
Projector-Steve shrieks.
“Protection detail,” Projector-Winter-Soldier says, then takes the bowl and starts eating out of it.
He feeds Projector-Steve one, when he whines.
“Woah,” Pietro says.
The scene cuts again, and this time Projector-Steve is walking down the hallway when Projector-Winter-Soldier appears, spins Projector-Steve around and kisses him.
“Protection Detail,” Projector-Winter-Soldier says.
Wanda thinks he sounds smug.
Projector-Winter-Soldier sprints away.
“What the fuck does that mean?” Projector-Steve screams after him.
Projector-Clint rounds the corner.
“What does that word mean?” Projector-Steve screams at him.
Projector-Clint looks suitably shocked. “What?”
“The Russian word he always says! The soldier! What the fuck is he saying?”
Projector-Clint binks. “Why?”
“He kissed me! Said it, then ran away!”Projector-Steve flapped his arms comically.
Projector-Clint splutters.
Projector-Clint says, “wait, is that the first time he kissed you?”
Projector-Steve turns incredibly red. “Uhm. Yeah. Uh, no.”
“Oh my god,” Clint says, “I remember that.”
“Oh my god,” Steve says.
James purrs, again.
“Before or after you became boyfriends?” Projector-Clint asks.
“Um. After,” Projector-Steve says, still blushing, then, “oh my god. Tell me what it means.”
“Nope,” Projector-Clint says.
“Ugh,” says Projector-Steve.
“Stupid,” Wanda says.
“Mhm,” Pietro agrees.
--
There’s a knock on the door.
It’s Steve.
“When James was still The Soldier,” he says in explanation, “I bought him lots of stuff. Uh, clothes. It helps, having a lot of different things to wear and ways to express himself, and uh, you and Pietro don’t have, much.”
Wanda blinks at him.
“Shopping,” Steve says, “we’re going shopping. James, Natasha, Clint and I. You’re welcome to join us.”
Wanda blinks at him again.
Then she says, “sure.”
Steve grins at her.
--
Shopping is weird.
The Avengers are weird.
Wanda likes it.
“No, get the blue,” Tony says, in the video call from the phone Steve is holding up, “blue is totally your colour.”
“He has a lot of blue shirts,” Natasha tells Tony, “get the red.”
“Red is my colour,” Tony whines, the same time Steve says, “why are we sticking to American Flag colours again?”
“Red is Wanda’s colour,” Clint justifies, “her magic is literally red.”
“My hair is red,” Natasha tells him, sniffing.
“Your hair was purple a week ago,” James says, “doesn’t count. The star on my arm is red.”
“We should be the red team. Redvengers.” Tony says.
“I’m red, because I got shot,” Pietro says.
“I get shot too,” Clint tells him, “so am I red?”
“Redvengers,” Tony says again.
“I’ll do green,” Steve says.
“That’s Bruce’s colour,” James informs him.
Steve gives James a long suffering look.
“No,” Clint says, “no, yeah, do green, Steve. Olive, not lime. Pietro, do blue.”
Natasha watches the proceedings for a moment, then turns to Wanda and goes, “you, me. Shoes?”
“Okay,” Wanda says, and Natasha leads the way into another section of the store.
There are shoes. A lot of shoes.
Hundreds of shoes.
“Heels or flats?” Natasha asks her.
Flats were better for running. But heels made her feel taller, and more powerful.
“Heels?” Wanda says.
“Hm,” Natasha says.
--
“Tony says he’ll make special shoes for me,” Pietro informs her, “something that can withstand my running speeds. Extra durable soles, breathable, whatnot.”
“I have 7 new pairs of shoes,” Wanda says, “4 of them are heels.”
“You look pretty, sis,” Pietro says sincerely, “is that a new dress?”
“Yeah,” Wanda tells him, “I like your jacket.”
“Thanks,” Pietro says, “it’s huge. It’s like a boyfriend jacket. I can pretend I have a boyfriend now.”
Wanda pauses.
Thinks.
Then she says, “you can find a boyfriend now.”
Pietro smiles at her. “Or a girlfriend.”
“Yeah,” she says, “but you can find one, now.”
“I suppose I can,” Pietro says, then, “Boyfriend, or girlfriend, or whatever. You, too.”
“Yeah,” she says, then, “I kinda like them. The Avengers. Even if they are stupid.”
“Mhm,” Pietro agrees.