Archive of Our Own ^beta

They met on a Sunday evening.

It was late, already half-past nine in the evening and Stiles had classes early tomorrow morning. He finished all his homework by Friday evening and had been working on the sixth draft of his novel for the past weekend at the library. He made a lot of progress with it which he was ecstatic about, but for now he was tired.

Stiles wrapped his hands around the paper cup of tea he got for free at the public library. It wasn’t that tasty, but it was warm. He sighed, cracking his neck. He stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, glad to see that the traffic was on pause. He looked up, cursed, and started running as the countdown was almost nearing zero.

In hindsight, Stiles should have known not to run like that. For one thing, he was weighed down heavily between his backpack of books and his laptop bag. Also, this was New York City and it was incredibly unsafe to run through the streets, something that he, as the son of a Sheriff, should know. Another thing was that he got really dangerous panic attack, and accompanied by his ADHD, running like a madman was liable to trigger it.

Stiles was almost to the other side, just about to pass two more cars, when his laptop bag did a wide arc and slammed against his hip, making his footstep stutter and knee buckle. Next thing he knew, his paper cup went flying through the air and landed against the window of the car at the far end.

And the window of the car was half-open.

Holy shit!

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Goddammit! I am so dead!” Stiles muttered under his breath as he scrambled to get to the sidewalk before twisting around to meet the driver, who was stumbling out of his car, his dark blue sweater speckled with tea and his face set to kill.

“Look at what the fuck you did to my car!” The driver growled. “The damn drink got all over the passenger seat! And me!”

“Oh my god! I am so sorry!” Stiles said, scrambling towards him. “I am so, completely, totally sorry! I tripped and it just went flying and oh my god! I swear I’ll pay for it! I’ll clean it! I’ll do anything! I’m so sorry–”

Stiles winced when a few teenagers in a convertible drove past, hollering and whooping at them, obviously having seen the incident. The driver’s face scrunched up even more.

Holy shit, Stiles was going to die.

Stiles was going to… He was going to…

Stiles was having a panic attack.

“I am so sorry,” Stiles managed to wheeze out. “I really didn’t mean it! I–” He stopped, gasping as his heart rate completely sped up.

The driver still looked angry but when Stiles started wheezing, his oxygen almost completely cut off, the driver started looking worried, harsh green eyes turning soft and concerned.

“Hey, are you ok?” he asked, stepping towards Stiles.

Stiles stumbled back, managing to catch his arm against the nearest lamppost and clawed a little at his throat with shaky hands. Ok, Stiles. Remember to breathe. Breathe. Goddammit.

Stiles tried to take a breath, but panicked when he felt his heart rate ratchet up some more. He almost fell to his knees, his bags weighing him down.

“SHIT!” Stiles felt someone haul him up and then suddenly he wasn’t feeling weighed down so much as the driver suddenly ripped his bags off him.

“L-Laptop,” Stiles wheezed.

“I know. It’s fine. I got it,” the male said, his voice suddenly soothing and gentler than before. He then half-dragged Stiles towards the driver’s seat where he could sit down and then placed the bags at the back seat.

Next thing Stiles knew, the male had grabbed his hand, placing the palm of it against his chest.

“Ok, listen to me, please,” the male spoke, voice low and actually comforting and it cut through Stiles’ panic. “My name is Derek. I’m gonna take a few deep breaths and I need you to try and follow my rhythm. Can you do that?”

Stiles didn’t answer, too busy trying to get more air in his lungs that he was choking on it. He lifted his other hand to claw at his chest, as if he could dig in and get his heart and lungs to work right, but Derek grabbed it and set their hands down on Stiles’ lap.

“Feel me,” Derek ordered, voice stern but still gently. “Now breathe.” He took a deep breath.

Stiles tried to mentally shake himself, scrambling to try and follow along. He failed.

Derek frowned a little. “Do it. I know you can. Come on. Breathe.” He took a deep breath, his chest rising under Stiles’ palm.

Stiles tried to follow, using the sensation under his hand to guide him. Take a breath. Get just the right amount of oxygen into his lungs. He could do that. Yeah.

Stiles managed a shallow one.

“Don’t release it until I said so,” Derek said, nudging him. “Again.” This time he made Stiles hold his breath for at least three counts before exhaling.

They did that a few more times, for how long exactly Stiles didn’t know, but he knew it took Derek half the time to calm him down than it usually took Stiles to do it by himself. It was almost as fast as his Dad.

Derek leaned back on his haunches, looking up at Stiles with concerned eyes. “You better now?”

“M-much b-better,” Stiles said. “T-Thank you, D-Derek.” He took a few more gulps of air. “I-I’m… Stiles.”

“Hi, Stiles.” Derek nodded, a soft almost-smile on his face.

“I’m sorry though,” Stiles said, forcing the words out through his grainy throat. “For the car. I swear I’ll have it cleaned up. And I’m sorry for bothering you with… with this.” He gestured at himself, sighing.

“It’s fine.” Derek shrugged. “I had a younger brother who gets panic attacks so I’m a bit familiar with it.”

“That’s great,” Stiles blurted out. He could smack himself on the face. “I mean, that you know and could help me, not that your brother gets them. Sorry.”

Derek shrugged. “Let’s just be done with all the apology.” He stood up.

Stiles scrambled up on slightly shaky legs. Derek had to grab his arm to stop him from tripping over his own feet.

“T-Thank you,” Stiles said, glancing towards his bag. “What do you–”

Derek cut in. “I was headed to Starbucks to get coffee. You can get me one for spilling tea all over my Camaro and then we’ll call it even.”

Stiles bit his lip. “A-Are your sure… I could… you…”

“The smell was irritating me anyway,” Derek frowned. “My older sister got her perfume all over it. Hurts my nose. The tea’s an improvement, actually, and it doesn’t even smell like the good kind of tea.”

That got a giggle out of Stiles and he had to muffle it behind a hand. Derek seemed to find that amusing, chuckling.

They made quick work of Derek’s passenger seat, wiping up the mess, and after Derek parked the car, they walked towards the nearest Starbucks with an easy air.

Derek Hale was on his final year of college, just like Stiles. He was taking up civil engineering to Stiles’ English and Philosophy. He lived with his older sister, Laura, and his stepbrother Isaac, while Stiles lived with his best friend Scott. Derek was funny and smart and, now that Stiles actually had Derek smiling instead of glaring at him, he was really, really attractive.

Despite Stiles’ massive awkwardness, jitteriness, and overall failure as a human being, he and Derek actually hit it off. That impromptu date led to a breakfast date before Stiles’ class the next day, then to a lunch date when they both had a free period, then a dinner date, then movie night, then… yeah.

They were together for three years, three of the best years of Stiles’ life.

And then everything went to shit.

Derek knew that to outsiders, he and Stiles were the proverbial example of opposites attract. Stiles was chatty, brilliant, bright and fun. He was smart as all hell and was totally, completely alive. Derek, on the other hand, was more subdued and he wasn’t the type to just be silly. He was quiet, especially to people he didn’t know, and he knew he appeared gruff, scary, and rough around the edges.

Sometimes he wondered what the hell Stiles saw in him.

Derek’s younger brother, Paul, died a few years back from a heart condition and ever since his passing, Derek had always felt something off kilter about everything, about himself.

After Stiles came literally tripping into his life, everything just felt better.

They got together after graduation and every day after that had just been amazing. They did everything. They ate all the time, went to the movies, took walks together, had picnics, went hiking, went on joyrides, went to the beach, and everything a couple could do.

Stiles met his siblings, the eldest Laura and his stepbrother Isaac and their youngest Gigi, and also Paul at his grave, and his parents, all of whom immediately adored him. Stiles had very few friends of his own but he got along well with Derek and Isaac’s friends. Derek met Scott, Stiles’ best friend, who was sweet and fun and a total goober. He had also Skype-d with Stiles’ father a few times, who was the sheriff of a small town called Beacon Hills.

Stiles had lived in Beacon Hills all his life and he admitted to being more of a small town guy than anything else. His ADHD and near-constant panic attacks made him scared of the city, but he was determined to pursue his degree and get into a good university. And while he loved the studying and the few people he’s met, the thing he loved the most was that despite his fears, he went and got to meet Derek.

Derek spent the whole day making love to him in response to that.

But it wasn’t all blissful. The biggest downside were the fights, because he and Stiles fought a lot of the time.

Derek was used to being careful with possible triggers to Stiles’ panic attacks. He’d done it all his life with his brother Paul. Stiles’ ADHD was something different. He talked all the time, moved just as much, and couldn’t sit still or focus half the time. Derek could talk him down and calm him, but it got so tiring and so irritating. Derek ended up shouting and getting mad and Stiles would get a panic attack and cry and they’d hate each other and themselves for a while. Stiles was also painfully insecure and Derek felt like sometimes all he did was soothe Stiles’ ego.

Derek had his fair share of shortcomings. He was impatient and had a vicious temper. He often didn’t say the things that mattered because while he was a physical and tactile guy, there were some things that couldn’t be expressed without words. It frustrated Stiles, which frustrated Derek, which led to more fights. He also had a tendency to seethe over things, let them stew in his brain and grow until he couldn’t remember what the problem was and when his anger burned through his brain-to-mouth filter, he ended up saying the most painful things.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was theirs. And they worked through it. They were happy.

All in all, life was good. It was great. It was awesome.

They were at their favorite bookstore, looking through the new arrivals together when Stiles popped the question.

“Hey, Der?” Stiles asked softly as he looked between two new books..

“Yeah, babe?” Derek asked, tossing three new ones in their shared basket.

Stiles didn’t reply and Derek looked back at him. Stiles was concentrating hard on the book in his hand. It wasn’t even his usual spacey look where his mind was running a mile a minute. It was his I’m-so-fucking-nervous look.

“What is it?” Derek asked, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

Stiles kept his gaze down as he said, “Let’s move in together.”

Derek put down his basket, wrapped his arms around Stiles, and peppered soft kisses along his neck to his ear.

“Of course.”

They found the perfect apartment, large and spacious, near enough to where they both worked and right at the heart of the city where they could see and experience everything. Stiles was still apprehensive, still nervous about how the primal energy of the big city made him more frazzled. But Derek loved the city and Stiles wanted Derek to be happy.

Stiles felt something giddy in his bones as he used his keys for the first time. He smiled to himself, excited to see Derek.

“Derek, I got groceries!”

Stiles hobbled a little, trying to get his shoes off, avoid the boxes piled by the hall, and not drop the bags all at the same time.

“Derek! Get your ass here!” Stiles shouted, squeaking when he almost dropped the bag with the eggs.

They had both moved all their things into the apartment yesterday but agreed to sleep back at their own respective places before officially christening their shared home with a dinner and movie night for two. It was a quarter to nine. Derek should already be here.

Stiles walked over to the kitchen, depositing all the bags on the island, and grabbed his phone.

From: Stiles
Message: hey baby. Already home. Wer r u? love you.

He tossed it on the counter and walked towards the living room. He felt something warm in his stomach to see the living room set up.

This was their home, his and Derek’s.

Unable to help himself, Stiles ran for the bedroom and tossed himself on the bed, bouncing slightly. He giggled, lying back, swinging his legs in the air. He looked around the room, and his eyes landed on the half-open closet door.

“Huh?” Stiles rolled onto his stomach and looked at it.

It looked… For some reason, it looked a bit… empty.

Stiles stood up, slowly. He took one step after another until he was halfway to the closet door. He could see some of his shirts already hanging in there, but it stilled looked… it looked half-empty. He felt his throat close up.

Stiles pushed open the closet door. All that was inside were his clothes. His. Stiles.

He gasped and looked around, taking in the apartment with a new light. There were no pictures on the bedside table. When he opened the drawers, they were empty except for Stiles’ things. When he got to the living room, half the DVDs weren’t there. He remembered that there were a distinct lack of footwear in the hall.

No. No way.

Stiles stumbled back to the kitchen, already close to tears. He scrambled for his phone with shaking hands.

There was a text message.

From: Derek
Message: I love you. I’m sorry.

Stiles felt his heart stop, almost literally stop in his chest. Within seconds, his breathing started cutting off and he reached for the table to try and steady himself.

No. NO. NO! Not Derek. He would never. He didn’t. He wouldn’t.

Stiles vision blacked out and he tried to grasp for something, anything, but he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Two years had passed since then.

If Derek had to blame someone, he would say it was Erica and Isaac’s fault.

They had dragged him over to the new bookstore called Bookends that opened up at the edge of town. Erica had gone over there with her boyfriend Boyd the week prior, and she fell completely in love with the place. Erica kept waxing poetic about it and wanted to go back. Isaac was interested in how their brochure listed a lot of sources for the hard-to-get books they could special order. Derek went because despite the fact that it was his day off, Isaac and Erica used their puppy dog eyes on him to be their driver.

Bookends was located right at the edge of Greenwood where he now lived and was about an hour’s drive from their place. When they got there, there were a few cars littered about the parking lot and Derek could see a few walking down the drive. It seemed this place was already quite popular. As soon as Derek killed the engine, Isaac and Erica had already thrown off their seatbelts and scrambled out the door. Derek followed more leisurely.

Derek hummed. “Pretty nice,” he said.

It did look nice, rather homey and picturesque.

Bookends turned out to be a renovated cottage. The walls were thick brown wood reinforced artfully with steel and concrete and the sloping roof was an eye-catching red. There was a porch that wrapped around the entire place, peppered with wooden benches and circular tables were people could read. Fairy lights and small spotlights littered the ceiling, though they were turned off right now since it was still daytime.

Derek followed the others inside, pushing the double doors open which were made of wood and glass with steel bars fashioned into fancy curlicues.

The inside of the place was even more impressive. There was a large counter to his left manned by three people, one on the cashier, another entertaining customers, and one in front of the computer and answering calls. Behind that were two doors labeled office and employee lounge. To Derek’s right was a small bar with coffeemaker and a display case for snacks.

The rest of the place was a maze of shelves so high that they almost reached the ceiling. Sturdy stepladders and trolleys were placed by each row. There were long tables with wooden seats and circular coffee tables with cozy loveseats and couches.

Derek tuned in to what Isaac and Erica were doing.

Erica was motioning to the woman entertaining customers at the counter. She had dimpled cheeks and a bright smile.

“That’s Allison Argent. She co-owns this store,” Erica explained. “Boyd and I met her last week.”

“Great,” Isaac said, pulling out a list from his back pocket. “I can go ask her about ordering some rare books.”

“I’ll introduce you,” Erica said. “You, Der?”

Derek shrugged, waving a hand. “Go on ahead. I’ll go look around, I guess.” They parted ways.

There was soft music from the speakers placed around the store and Derek found himself humming along to a familiar tune. Derek meandered about, ending up on the fantasy section. He picked up an interesting book and took it to a corner loveseat, snuggling in.

Derek was about ten pages in when he heard something. Something familiar. The sound faded but after a few seconds later, the voice started that low humming again.

Derek’s head jerked up so fast he thought it would pop off his shoulders. He dropped the book on the coffee table and stood up, following the sound. He stood around the corner shelf and peeked in. Someone pushing a trolley just rounded the corner but he caught sight of the very, very, scarily familiar back of a red shirt.

Derek’s breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped.

He hurried down the hall, peek low between the shelves. That person was doubling back his way at the other aisle, humming under his breath and stopping once in a while to return a book to a shelf.

Suddenly, Erica was appearing at the opposite end of the row, waving.

“Hey! There you are, Der–”

Derek lunged at her , clamping a hand over her mouth. “Shut it!” he hissed. He peeked under the shelves again but the male was still putting books back on the shelves.

Erica pushed him off, glaring. “Hey! What the hell’s up with you?”

Derek shushed her again, glaring.

“There you two are,” Isaac said. “I’m torn between these two books. Can you– What are you guys even doing?”

Derek could practically hear Erica’s eye roll. “Your brother’s being weird.”

“What are you looking at?” Isaac peered down looking at Derek’s eye level. He squeaked. “Holy fuck! Is that who I think it is? Is that–” He swallowed the words at Derek’s ferocious glare.

“Who?” Erica asked, confused.

Isaac gulped. He said softly, “It’s Stiles.”

Erica had never met Stiles before. She was drafted into their little group of friends after the entire mess happened but she knew enough from Isaac and Laura’s stories.

Erica gaped. “Oh my god, that Stiles?” She started making his way around the corner. “I wanna see him! I wanna see what he looks like!”

“Erica, don’t you dare!” Derek growled, lunging after her. Erica was quick and darted out of his hands.

“I wanna see him too,” Isaac said, following them.

The three ended up grappling at the end of the hall, Derek trying to push-pull Erica and Isaac away from the corner while Isaac was trying to get around Derek, and Erica was batting at Derek’s hands and face. At Erica’s strong shove, Derek ended up stumbling into the row and almost falling flat on his face. He grabbed a shelf, wincing at the loud creak.

“Um… hi? Can I help you?”

Derek straightened, half-stumbling over his feet. He glared back at Erica and Isaac for a moment, both of them still grappling a little around the corner, before turning back to Stiles. Stiles was looking at him in something akin to confusion.

Damn, he looked good. Stiles was in a red polo shirt, tight jeans, and sneakers. He had grown his hair out from his usual buzz cut and it flopped around his head making Derek’s fingers twitch with the temptation to touch them. And fuck, he was wearing glasses. Since when did he wear glasses? And fuck fuckity fuck, had he always had that many moles across his face? Derek’s mouth was watering just thinking of tracing them with his tongue.

It had been two years. How could he even think like that towards Stiles?

Derek cleared his throat, trying to force himself to speak through his suddenly tight throat. His voice came out grated.

“H-Hi, er… S-Stiles. H-How are you?”

Stiles tilted his head in confusion, giving him a good long look behind his glasses. Derek winced, not knowing what to expect. By all accounts, Stiles should be punching his face in right now, or shouting at him, or steamrolling through him with his trolley, or… or something.

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?”

Derek’s heart seized in his throat. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and gaped. Before he could think about what to say to that, Stiles continued on, waving a hand.

“I’m really sorry, but I got into an accident like a few months back and I have amnesia, so I don’t remember anything since my accident. If I know you, I’m sorry I don’t remember.” Stiles gave him a polite smile and walked off.

Derek stood there, dumbfounded. Isaac and Erica ran up behind him.

Isaac grabbed him by the arm. “Fuck, bro! What did he say? Why is he just walking away? What happened?”

“I was expecting him to punch you in the face,” Erica said, looking beyond confused.

Derek was still confounded, unable to believe his ears, and gaping at Stiles’ back. He finally snapped out of it when Stiles disappeared into a different aisle, humming under his breath, and pushing his trolley along.

“Stiles has… WHAT?!”

Allison gasped theatrically, the back of her hand pressed against her forehead dramatically. “Oh my god, Stiles! You were in an accident?! You lost your memory!” She grabbed him by the shoulders. “What’s my name? When’s your dad’s birthday? What’s your social security number? What’s the password to all that gay porn on your laptop?”

“Oh, har-de- har, Alli. Fuck off,” Stiles said sullenly, shrugging her off his shoulders.

Allison leaned back against the kitchen counter. “All jokes aside, honey. What were you thinking? I know you’re weird, and I love it, but amnesia?”

“I panicked, ok?” Stiles groaned up at the kitchen ceiling. “I was working and minding my own business and boom! The douchebag’s standing right there! Two whole fucking years and he popped up now and what the hell was I supposed to do?”

“Punch him? Kick his balls? Scream at him? Rip his throat out with your teeth?” Allison suggested.

The phone rang and Allison grabbed it. She smiled at the caller ID.

“Hey, babe.”

Ah. Scott.

Scott was staying at Jamestown now, a four-hour drive away, where he was completing his veterinary studies and working as a vet’s assistant. He usually went home every weekend but lately he’d been getting busier since he was in his last few months of studying. He made sure to call Allison and Stiles and his mom every night though. Stiles was quite proud his best friend.

Stiles let the lovebirds talk for a bit. Scott had wholeheartedly supported it when Stiles and Allison decided to live together while they manage Bookends, not just because he wanted to make sure no one was hitting on Allison but also because he wanted someone to look after Stiles. He’d become extra protective following the incident back at New York.

Allison didn’t know Derek. She lived here in Beacon Hills and had been dating Scott for three months when the big break-up happened. She had taken everything in stride, poked and prodded Stiles into working at the public library with her and into taking a three-month crash course on business management to give him something to do. Six months after the big break-up, Stiles was back on his feet and making plans with Allison to build their dream bookstore.

As it turned out, Allison’s boyfriend before Scott had done the same dickhead move, except he asked her to move in with him and she caught him sleeping with her ex-bestfriend in their bed a few months after they moved in.

“Stiles had a panic attack today,” Allison suddenly said.

Stiles jerked, panicked. “Allison!”

Allison ignored him. She was the one who found Stiles curled up under his desk in his office struggling to calm down ten minutes after he bumped into Derek.

She pressed the speaker button.

“Dude!” Scott shouted. Stiles could practically hear him hyperventilating at the other end. “Are you ok? What happened? Do you have to go to the hospital? Are you feeling better?”

Allison sighed. “Guess what, Scott. Stiles just–”

“It came out of nowhere,” Stiles said, glaring at Allison to keep quiet about it. “You know how it is, Scottie.”

Stiles could imagine Scott’s eyes widening more and more with worry. The past two years have cured Stiles’ general jitteriness and tampered down his ADHD after he sought therapy. He still had the occasional sudden panic attack though.

“Are you sure, you’re ok?” Scott asked. “You should get your dad to–”

“I’m fine, Scott,” Stiles insisted. “It’s nothing. So, how’s work? How are the new baby puppies?”

They chatted for a bit before Scott had to go and call his mom. They exchanged goodbyes.

Allison sighed, placing the phone on the counter. “So what, you’re not going to tell Scott?”

Stiles shook his head. “No. For one thing, he’s absolutely gonna drive back home just to kill Derek, which I don’t mind, but I would rather not have my best friend thrown into jail no matter how justified we all know it will be. And if my Dad gets wind of this, because we both know Scott can’t lie to save his life, he’s also gonna make a mess of it. So please, Alli.”

Stiles turned his most imploring eyes to her. “Please don’t tell Scott, or my Dad.”

Stiles still considered it a miracle that his dad didn’t insist on going to New York to shoot Derek in the face or that Scott didn’t went through with barging into the Hale house and beating the crap out of him. After that whole mess at NYC, Stiles just wanted to forget everything and he wanted his Dad and Scott to do the same.

Because, fuck, both of them had absolutely loved Derek.

Allison sighed again. “I’m not making promises. And why is he even in Beacon Hills anyway? I mean, I thought he lives in New York or something.”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Stiles said, fiddling with the end of his shirt.

Allison gave him a look. “I know we both promised to work together on our store, but we can cut your work days, Stiles. I don’t mind.”

Stiles shook his head. “No. This is our shop. I’m not dropping it for Derek Hale, of all people. He’s messed up my life already.” He ignored the sick, painful feeling gnawing at his heart.

It had been two years but the pain was still there. It wasn’t as fresh as it had been back then, but it still hurt him, hung over his head like a constant reminder, crept up on him during his bad days and gave him his most painful panic attacks. Allison was used to it and Scott didn’t mind Stiles curling up with his girlfriend during his danger nights.

“All I know is he’d better thank his lucky stars I wasn’t there. I would have pounded his face in,” Allison muttered under her breath. “And if only I knew that Isaac was actually his stepbrother, I’d have banned him from the shop. I liked the guy. He was a good customer.”

“Isaac’s always been nice,” Stiles said. “I actually like him, still like him. Not his fault who his brother is. And he’s a customer. I don’t mind, Allison.”

“So, continue entertaining the stepbrother of the guy who you were pretty madly in love with before?” Allison asked. Stiles sighed at that.

“Yes,” Stiles said. “Because Isaac doesn’t know you know and I have amnesia anyway.”

Allison gave him a withering look. “Amnesia. Really.”

“Yeah, I know it was stupid but Derek caught me off guard and I just didn’t want to start screaming like a banshee at work so I just made up that damn alibi on the spot.” He gave Allison a look. “I blame you for deciding on ’50 First Dates’ during movie night. I probably got amnesia in my subconscious and it just came out.”

Allison looked at him seriously. “What happens if you see him again?”

Stiles snorted. “I am never getting anywhere near that fucking dickwad. Isaac can come. Sure. But Derek and I have the entirety of Beacon Hills between us.”

“So what? We’re going with the amnesia story?” Allison asked. She obviously still found the idea preposterous.

“That’s the story I’m sticking with.” Stiles stood up, walking off to the living room. “Besides, Derek’s already left me once. There is no way he’d come looking for me, Alli. And there’s no way I’m setting myself up for that shit. Never again.”

It should be ironic that Derek met Stiles again at a bookstore of all places.

Derek was reclining on his favorite armchair. Nathan was in his lap, giggling as Derek played with his toes and peppered kisses on his soft downy hair. Derek was still stunned from the events of yesterday. This was surreal. This was impossible. This was… This was…

“This is some soap opera shit,” Erica said from the couch. “I didn’t think you told me Stiles lived in Beacon Hills.”

Isaac winced. “His dad’s the Sheriff, if I remember correctly.”

“You’d better not go anywhere near that town then, Derek,” Erica commented. She seemed amused at all the events and Derek just wanted to hurt her.

“I wasn’t planning to,” Derek growled out. “As far as I knew, Stiles lived way on the other side of town. We have the entire Greenwood and Beacon Hills between us. Why couldn’t he have built his damn dream bookstore at the other side at the county line between Beacon Hills and Maidenhair?” He groaned, letting his head fall back over the couch. Nathan seemed to like that and bopped his head against Derek’s chin.

“Stiles is probably just angry at you,” Isaac said. “With good reason.”

Derek winced and it felt like someone took a hot poker to his stomach, twisted it hard, and left it there.

He knew his entire family still held some deep-seated disapproval over Derek’s actions two years ago, but they were also well aware of how wrecked Derek had been back in New York, barely doing normal things like bathe, sleep, eat, or go out. It had taken Laura’s sudden pregnancy for Derek to snap out of it and get a new life in Greenwood with Laura and Nathan.

“Because seriously, amnesia?” Isaac continued, his blonde curls bouncing. “Come on! That’s the reason? Assuming it’s real, how many people actually end up with amnesia?”

“That doesn’t mean it can’t happen,” Derek said, bouncing Nathan when the baby started fussing.

Erica waved a hand in the air. “Maybe it was something more traumatic. Like in the TV shows where people get so traumatized and shit and they forget about it. You did tell me Stiles has panic attacks and ADHD.”

This time an uncomfortable silence filled the room, punctuated only by Nathan’s gurgling as Derek rubbed his tummy.

“Stiles said it was an accident. So he could have bumped his head. He’s clumsy enough for that,” Isaac said.

Derek licked his lips, remembering Stiles’ glasses and his longer hair. Stiles looked good, really good. Better. Like Derek never happened in his life.

“What are you planning to do now?” Erica asked. “Now you know Stiles lives just at the other town and owns a bookstore just an hour away.”

Erica and Isaac looked at him seriously and Derek felt the metaphorical iron poker in his guts twist some more.

“I… I don’t know.”

Isaac looked worried. Erica looked curious.

Derek sighed, burying his face in Nathan’s hair. “I really don’t know.”

Stiles was working the counter at Bookends that day. He had been feeling better after he saw Derek. The fucker hadn’t shown his face the past few days and Stiles had managed to put him at the back of his mind.

If some small, miniscule part of him was disappointed and hurt, he squashed it under a pile of hardcover books. Damn him.

“Stiles!”

Stiles pushed his glasses up his nose and grinned. “Oh, good morning, gorgeous, light of my life, and my sun and stars… And hello, Jackson.” He rolled his eyes at the male.

Jackson scoffed. “Stilinski.”

They met Lydia at that business management crash course that Stiles attended with Allison. She ended up becoming a close friend. Her father was the architect and her mother the interior decorator that helped them renovate the cottage for Bookends.

Jackson was Lydia’s boyfriend and was a grade-A douchebag, especially without Lydia to act as a buffer. Stiles’ first encounter with the male had led to a shout fest and Scott actually had to hold off Allison who still managed to kick Jackson in the balls. Jackson’s a bit mellow now after he, in Stiles’ words, ‘finally gained friends’. The both of them tolerated each other now, for Lydia’s sake and for Jackson’s balls never meeting Allison’s heels again.

“Hi, sweetie,” Lydia said, kissing his cheek. “I came by to return your draft.”

“Oh, awesome!” Stiles grinned. “I’ll check your notes and have it back to you by next week.”

Lydia also became Stiles’ editor after finding out that he was a writer. Because of her, he already published six pieces in a few local magazines, a short story that gained interest and circulated at the community college and a moderately successful first novel. They were close to finishing Stiles’ second one.

Lydia turned to Jackson and pointed to the snack bar. “Can you get me a coffee, babe?”

“Do they even have nice coffee here?” Jackson asked, wrinkling his nose.

Stiles threw a balled up receipt at him. Jackson glared and walked off.

When Jackson was gone, Lydia turned to Stiles. “I got your email about Hale. And damn, sweetie, amnesia? I could kick your ass for that half-assed excuse.” She gave him a look that clearly said she was judging him, and judging him hard.

Lydia knew all about his old life at New York. Stiles knew that as much as Lydia loved him, she was bursting at the seams to get him to write this down and turn it into a bestselling tragic love story.

Stiles groaned. “What the fuck was I supposed to do? Or say? I panicked!”

Lydia sighed, shaking her head. “That is just the hokiest excuse ever. And you’re a goddamn writer! Couldn’t you have used that big imagination of yours for something else?”

Stiles sighed. “Ugh, whatever. Go away now.”

Lydia tapped her nails on the counter. “Anyway, I did some digging up on the Hales. Guess what I found?”

Stiles stiffened. This can’t be good.

Lydia seemed to agree, her face scrunching up. “Turns out the Hales have a house in the woods right off the city line of Beacon Hills. My mom was actually their interior decorator. She knows Derek’s mom.” She sighed. “It’s a pretty small world.”

Stiles’ heart rate spiked. He croaked out, “What?! So Derek lives here?!”

Lydia shook her head. “Nope. As far as my mom knew, the house is only used during vacations and the house is in Derek’s mom’s maiden name, so no one could have known. I pulled a few strings to get info and turns out Derek and Laura Hale live over at Greenwood with their stepbrother Isaac.”

“Fuck, even Laura is here.” Stiles groaned. “And this means they’re about an hour or so away from the bookstore.”

Lydia gave him a sympathetic look. “. My mom knows a lot about them. Turns out Laura and Derek moved a little over a year ago after Laura became pregnant.”

“WHAT?! Laura’s pregnant?!” Stiles gaped.

Lydia nodded. “Yeah. But the father upped and left. She gave birth a few months ago to a baby boy.”

Stiles remembered Laura, sweet and fun and one of the warmest people he knew. She was strong and brave and she had always wanted a big family and lots of children. It hit Stiles hard in the gut to realize that he missed her.

But all that paled in comparison to the truth.

“I left New York so that I never saw Derek again,” Stiles said. “And now I find out that for over a year now, he’s literally just been hours away. Goddammit. What the fuck is my life right now?”

“The makings of an epic tragic love story that I can turn into a bestseller if you wrote it,” Lydia said, though Stiles could see her gentle and sympathetic eyes.

“Lyds, babe, I got your coffee,” Jackson said, jogging over to them. He made a face. “The thing is godawful.”

Stiles glared at him. He called over to the office. “Allison! Jackson insulted your coffee!”

He turned back to see Jackson high-tailing it out of the bookstore and Lydia laughing as she followed him.

Derek was seated in Laura’s SUV parked right outside Bookends, tapping his fingers against the wheel. He was nervous.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered to himself, leg bouncing up and down.

Derek didn’t even know if this was the right thing to do, but seeing Stiles after so long, seeing him now, Derek couldn’t stay away.

Maybe he could just see him, look at him, something.

Derek got out of the SUV. He had decided against bringing his Camaro. It was too familiar, too riddled with memories of them together.

He jogged towards the store where a male and female were just walking out.

“I am not getting my balls kicked again,” the guy was saying.

The woman laughed. “Your fear of her amuses me, sweetie.”

Derek passed them, slightly interested, and next thing he knew was pushing the double doors and walking in. He was just deciding on grabbing a book and settling down somewhere he could see but not be seen when someone piped up.

A tinkling voice greeted him. “Good morning, sir! Please come in. We’re– Oh.”

Derek wasn’t even half-prepared to meet Stiles. Not right now. Not yet.

But there he was, in his black-framed glasses, and green polo shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a black beanie on his head.

God, he looked… He looked so good. He looked great.

“H-Hello.” Derek raised a hand in greeting.

Stiles’ face morphed into an indistinguishable expression. “I remember you.”

Derek stiffened. “Y-You do?”

Stiles nodded, his beanie and glasses bouncing around a bit. Even now, it seemed like he was still wracked with energy. “Yeah, I think saw you a few days ago.”

Oh. That. Derek almost sighed in relief.

“Y-Yes. Yes I did.” He licked his lips. “I… I’m Derek.”

“Hi Derek.” Stiles gave him a polite smile, so polite and so formal and so… unfamiliar. It made Derek’s skin crawl. Stiles continued his work, writing something down on the notepad. “So… I take it you know me pre-amnesia?”

“Yes. We were…” Derek thought hard. “Um… We’re friends from college.”

Stiles stopped writing and looked up at him in interest. “College? Ah. I didn’t date you or anything, did I? That would be like so awkward.” He laughed, a bit high and thin.

Derek flushed. If only he knew. “W-We had a lot of mutual friends.”

Stiles hummed under his breath, continuing on with writing. “You were with two others before. Did I know them too?”

Derek was flailing a bit inside. He didn’t know how much to say or how much Stiles forgot. “Oh, um, the blond one’s my stepbrother Isaac, and y-yes you… ah, you knew him. And the other one’s Erica. She um… she’s heard about you.”

Stiles’ writing seemed to jerk a little. He closed his notebook.

Derek raised his palms. “Just, you know, between old friends,” he said weakly.

“Ah. I see.” Stiles grabbed a piece of paper. “So, any reason for dropping by?”

Derek shrugged. “I… we didn’t know about what happened to you. I… we just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“We didn’t tell anyone. It was a difficult time. I don’t remember most of the people from my old life.” Stiles shrugged and walked off.

“A-Ah, that does sound… difficult.” Derek said, scrambling to follow. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Stiles said as he headed for a trolley. “I got my dream bookstore.”

“Oh, so this is yours?” Derek grabbed the trolley on instinct. He saw Stiles frown but he just wanted to help. “With, um, Allison Argent, was it? Isaac told me.”

“Yep,” Stiles said, popping the ‘p’ at the end. Derek remembered that it had always been a habit of his. Stiles started grabbing the books on his list. Derek followed along.

“You’ve always dreamt of having your own,” Derek said, unable to stop himself.

Stiles stopped in his tracks. “How did you know that?”

Derek could only see Stiles’ back so he didn’t know what expression he had on. Derek’s insides jerked. Out of everything that’s happened so far, to suddenly realize that he didn’t know how Stiles’ reacted anymore, that was the clincher.

This was not his Stiles.

Not anymore.

“How close were we?” Stiles asked.

“We were… just really good friends,” Derek said.

Stiles kept walking, looking for more books. Derek followed.

“I guess it must be weird then,” Stiles said. “That you don’t know me as well anymore.”

Derek shook his head, even if Stiles couldn’t see it. As much as this was not his Stiles, he could still see bits of him, the ones that made him Stiles, and not the things Derek knew just because they used to be in a relationship.

“Kind of,” Derek said. “But at the same time, it's as if nothing's changed.”

Stiles whipped around on the balls of feet, almost swaying as he did so. That there, that was Stiles.

“Really?” Stiles asked, confused. “Why do you say so?”

“You’re still… you, I guess,” Derek said. “Cheerful. Funny. Kind. Moves around a lot. Adorable. You're still beautiful.”

Derek was unable to help the small smile on his face.

“I’m happy l saw you again, Stiles.”

“Bookends is doing great, Dad. It’s only been three and a half months but we have regulars now, which is awesome.”

“I’m fine, baby. I’ not really angry. Just an error with the bookkeeping. I’m sorting it out. Has the cat you brought in been adopted yet?”

Scott and Stiles’ Dad had each called them while in the middle of Stiles’ storytelling and Allison’s rant. After about half an hour, they both hung up and Allison’s anger returned at full-force.

“What the fuck did he mean by that?!” Allison shouted, as if she never stopped her rant earlier.

Stiles winced. Allison didn’t always curse, but when she did, it meant she was beyond angry.

“That bastard was just trying to win you back or something,” Allison growled out. “l can't believe he lied and didn't tell about being your ex-boyfriend!”

Stiles sighed. “To be fair, if someone did have amnesia, I don't think that's a good thing to say. And I did tell him I don't remember anyone in my old life. And another thing, win me back? Seriously?”

Allison ignored him, still a bit pissed. “God, he is just giving me more reasons to kick his face. And what the hell is up with this? How come I keep not bumping into him?”

“I think that’s for the best,” Stiles said. “You’re liable to castrate him on the spot.”

“Don’t think I won’t,” Allison snapped. “And what were you thinking entertaining him?”

“He needed some convincing about the amnesia thing,” Stiles said weakly, sighing and burrowing into the couch and picking at his lasagna. “I managed to assure him it was real and stuff. Thank god I didn’t get a panic attack when I saw him again. Oh, and he knows we co-own Bookends but he doesn’t know you’re Scott’s girlfriend so better note that.”

Allison grumbled something under her breath, which Stiles wasn’t able to hear.

“l wonder why he came back?” Stiles said, voicing out the one thing he’d been puzzling over.

Allison grabbed her soda. “Like I said, if I know better he’s probably trying to win you back.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you want him to? To win you?”

Stiles snorted. “I’ve been fooled once, Alli. That was enough.”

Allison’s anger was moving on to worry. “Well, Derek obviously doesn’t have any problems coming back to you. What if he's persistent? What if he chases after you?”

“You know how stubborn I can be,” Stiles said.

Allison placed a hand on his thigh. “Stiles, you’re placing all the burden on yourself. Why not just be angry? Just shout it out? How long do you intend on having amnesia?”

Stiles sighed deeply. For the past two years, he was fine. He was ok. He was content. Now it was all coming back. And he hated it. Hated Derek for doing this to him. Again.

“I know this amnesia thing is way off. But this is the one thing I have. To pretend. To be above it all. I just have to keep this up until he disappears from my life, Alli. Until then.”

The worry never left Allison’s face.

“Stiles is here?!”

Derek and Isaac winced but for some reason, baby Nathan simply cooed and giggled, not at all perturbed by his mother’s voice. Then again, he was probably used to it.

Nathan squealed, banging his spoon against the tray and sending macaroni everywhere. Derek reached over to wipe his face while Isaac made funny faces at him.

Laura looked like she was close to having a breakdown. “And he has amnesia! Oh my god!”

“Weird, right?” Isaac said. “But Derek actually struck up a conversation with him!”

“And what were you doing talking to him again?” Laura asked, looking at him closely.

Derek looked down at his food, avoiding her gaze. “I just wanted to make sure this whole amnesia crap was true. I guess it is.”

“Derek, you’re not planning on going after him are you?”

Derek winced and Isaac almost dropped Nathan’s bowl. Laura was always ridiculously straight-forward.

“I… I’m not,” Derek said weakly.

Laura was glaring at him, obviously not believing him. “Derek, don’t. Stop it. You should know better. Just leave him alone.”

Derek sighed. “I… I can’t, Laura.”

Laura looked disappointed but even Isaac was looking at her like he wanted to say the same thing. Isaac adored Stiles. Laura did to. She actually stopped talking to him for almost a month after finding out what he did to Stiles.

Nathan made grabby hands and Laura handed her son his sippy cup, kissing his pasta-streaked cheek.

“Derek, two years ago, you made a godawful decision to break his heart. Leave the man in peace.” Laura looked serious. “He’s got amnesia. Don’t use that as an excuse for anything if you don’t even know where you want to go with this. If you don’t understand what you want, then better stop as early as now.”

Derek fidgeted in his seat. Isaac busied himself with Nathan but his small glances at Derek told him the same thing.

Laura reached over to touch his hand. “I know you still love him, Derek. I know you. Don’t do this. Not just to him, but to yourself. Don’t think of his amnesia as your clean slate.”

Derek sighed. “I know what everyone thinks Laura, that I’m going to take advantage of this chance to… I don’t know, be with him again or something. And yes, maybe I’ve thought about it myself. I won’t deny it.” He looked at her.

“But I left Stiles, Laura. I hurt him. I don’t even deserve to have him back. All l know is that right now, l have a chance to make up for things. Even as a stranger, or a friend. I’m not going to waste that chance.”

He saw that even Laura’s protests were weakening and even Isaac was riddled with conflicting emotions. They had both loved Stiles beyond words. Fuck, the entire Hale family had absolutely loved Stiles.

Laura didn’t know what else to say, but Derek didn’t count that as a win.

Derek was back three days after.

And he had the unfortunate luck of finally bumping into Allison.

Stiles was at the back room taking inventory of their new book deliveries. When he walked back to the counter, there seemed to be a one-sided glare-off going on between Allison and Derek. Allison looked angry while Derek looked confused at her anger. Isaac was standing between them, looking uncomfortable.

“Stiles!” Isaac said, sounding relieved. “Hi!”

“Stiles, there are people looking for you,” Allison said, arms crossed and frowning.

Derek and Isaac waved at him.

Stiles stepped up beside her, rubbing her arm. “Hey, baby girl, chillax. Er, let me–”

“I still have to log books,” Allison said, half-snapping at him.

Ok, so Allison was obviously staying for this.

Stiles turned to the stepbrothers and next thing he knew he had an armful of Isaac who practically flung himself across the counter.

“Um,” Stiles looked at him, wide-eyed behind the glasses almost half-falling off his nose. Even Allison looked surprised. Derek looked a bit embarrassed but he seemed like he had expected this.

Stiles heart was beating fast in his ribs, his arms aching to hug the younger male. Isaac was a regular ball of sunshine, sweet, and energetic. Stiles used to call him a puppy, and they’d spend nights with Scott watching horrible movies. He had loved Isaac like a little brother, still did.

Isaac’s arms tightened a fraction before pulling back, red-faced and rubbing his neck. “S-Sorry, I… I didn’t… I wanted to… I shouldn’t have–”

“N-No, it’s fine,” Stiles cleared his throat. “I, er, Derek told me that we used to be… close,” he finished weakly. He glanced at Derek, who was looking down on the floor, then Allison, who looked conflicted, turning away to do her work.

“I’m Isaac,” Isaac said, with a bright smile. “And yeah, we… we hung out a lot. I’m really, really happy to see you. It’s been a while.”

Stiles swallowed, forcing a polite smile to his face when all he wanted to do was ruffle Isaac’s hair like he used to.

“Nice to meet you, Isaac. So… um… any reason for the visit?”

Isaac beamed, bouncing on his heels. “Derek and I were just wondering if you’re free for lunch. You and Allison, actually.”

Allison’s head jot up. Stiles felt his heart splitting in two. God, he wanted to, especially with Isaac looking so earnest and excited. But when he saw Derek, Stiles just wanted to say no. He didn’t want to. Never.

“Um… we are… we’re kind of busy,” Stiles said, turning to Allison, who nodded.

Isaac’s face fell a little. He looked at Derek, who fidgeted uncomfortably.

Allison stepped up. Even she seemed weak in the face of Isaac’s disappointment. “This might take all day. Sorry about that.”

“We can help,” Isaac suddenly said, looking determined. “Derek and I can help and it’ll just be a quick lunch with all four of us, I swear.”

“If that’s ok with you?” Derek asked, even though he was already slipping off his leather jacket.

Isaac looked so excited at the idea and he was already pushing the sleeves of his shirt over his elbows.

“Um… ok, sure,” Stiles finally conceded, smiling weakly. He turned to Allison, who was making a face but did not object.

The next two hours passed by fast. Allison felt Stiles’ discomfort so she had taken charge with directing Derek and Isaac. There were books to be shelved, new deliveries to be checked, and rearranging the books on the display cases. Derek was a silent but quick worker and while Allison actively made sure Stiles was never left alone with him, Stiles could practically feel Derek’s stare whenever they were within each other’s presence. Isaac was quick but loud. He chatted with Stiles about everything, how he was actually just on leave for a few months until he goes back to his law firm in New York.

Stiles shifted uneasily at the sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew Isaac had graduated law school a year and a half ago. If he had taken a peek at the online list to check, then he was the only one to know.

In between the four of them, they were done in no time at all and Isaac was bouncing on his heels. Even Allison was finding it hard not to smile at the excited male.

“Danny, can you hold down the fort for an hour?” Allison asked. “We’ll just take in a late lunch.”

“Just at Mama’s Diner nearby,” Isaac said.

Danny, who was the nicest guy and was tall, tan, with dimpled cheeks, nodded.

Stiles waved to the employees at the counter. “We’ll bring you back something, kiddies.”

They stepped out and Stiles already had his eyes peeled for Derek’s car. Derek was looking really good in his leather jacket and tight jeans, tousled hair and thick stubble. Stiles had always had a weakness for that tough guy look of his, paired with the sexy black Camaro, because he knew Derek was tough but more than a little sweet.

Stiles mentally shook himself. Shut up, brain.

Derek and Isaac jogged towards an SUV. Stiles skidded to a stop.

That’s Derek’s car?

“This is your car?” he asked.

Allison gave him a look that clearly said he was being rude, even though she obviously doesn’t have qualms being rude towards Derek.

Isaac was already heading to his side while Derek paused.

Derek looked confused. “Er… yes?”

Stiles was tempted to ask about the Camaro, but he swallowed it down. “Er, doesn’t look like something you’d drive. This looks a bit too… And you look a bit too…” He flailed his hand at him.

Derek chuckled, low and throaty, and Stiles felt something pitch in his gut. “Yeah, thanks. But this is my sister, Laura’s car.”

They all got in and drove over to Mama’s Diner just two blocks away where they settled in for lunch. Conversation flowed easy despite Stiles’ worry, probably because Isaac was excitable and offered even the most random of info easily, just like he had always been. Even Allison seemed taken with him and a lot of the times the two of them went off on a tangent for a while before coming back. No one touched upon Stiles’ supposed amnesia at all.

Derek, on the other hand, surprised Stiles. He smiled freely and laughed with fondness at Isaac. He was still his sardonic self, not above the occasional dry joke that Stiles couldn’t help laughing at. But generally he was more relaxed, more open, than before.

Derek had changed.

Stiles snapped out of his thoughts when Allison excused herself for a bathroom run while Isaac decided to order some more fries.

“Want something else, guys?” Isaac asked.

Derek and Stiles both shook their heads at him.

Being left with Derek left an unpleasant sensation in Stiles’ gut, but it was somewhat smothered by the few layers of serenity and companionship that came from Isaac’s cheery disposition.

“Sorry about Isaac,” Derek said. “I know he can be overwhelming.”

“I think he’s sweet,” Stiles said.

Derek looked so pleased by that.

“Shame I’ve forgotten him,” Stiles added.

An expression crossed Derek’s face, something that looked like he had momentarily forgotten about Stiles’ supposed amnesia. By the time Allison and Isaac came back and conversation started flowing, Derek had grown quieter.

They returned to Bookends a little over an hour, packed with drinks and burgers for the staff. The stepbrothers lingered at the edge of the SUV.

Allison gave Stiles a look. “Come inside when you’re done. Thanks for lunch, Isaac, Derek.” She smiled at them and walked off, taking the food with her.

“This was really awesome,” Isaac said, grinning.

Stiles fiddled with his glasses a little, not sure what to say. “Yeah, I… I really enjoyed it.”

Both Isaac and Derek looked relieved at that.

Isaac stepped towards him. His grin melted to a serene smile. “I miss you, Stiles, a lot. I know this was a lot to take in but… yeah, I just really kinda missed you.” He leaned over, giving him a tight hug and a pat on the back.

Stiles felt his heart seize in his chest.

Derek on other hand, simply nodded with a small smile in his face. He was quiet.

That, more than anything suddenly slammed into Stiles with a heart-numbing ferocity.

Because Stiles didn’t know how to read Derek’s silence anymore.

“Thank you both,” Stiles said.

He jogged back to Bookends, not even looking back at the sound of the SUV driving away.

Stiles knew what he needed to do. He needed to stop this charade. He needed to cut ties before things became more serious.

But how could he when part of him seemed to want this all over again?

Ever since that day he had a really nice lunch out with Stiles and Allison, Derek had felt something loosen and tighten in his chest at the same time. To know that Stiles was all right, to see him smile and laugh again, was something of a gift and a privilege. Something Derek knew he did not at all deserve. Despite Stiles’ condition, he did not need Derek taking advantage of it like this, to spend time with and enjoy him when Stiles had no clue of all that Derek has done to hurt him.

In hindsight, he knew going along with Isaac’s request to see Stiles was wrong. He ran the risk of having to once again separate them from one another. Stiles might not be all that affected. He didn’t really know Isaac anymore in a manner of speaking. But Derek would have to end up hurting Isaac once again by taking away his good friend.

The conflict was stewing inside Derek and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself. The past two years he’s learned better than to keep things inside him too much. That was what ruined his relationship with Stiles after all. He still found it hard to really talk, but he found the best sounding board in Laura and, more often than not, in the non-judgmental eyes of his nephew, Nathan.

Derek was on his way back from the office when he heard a crack of thunder. He winced at the darkening skies. Nathan hated thunder. They’re going to have a hell of a time getting him to sleep if this kept up all night.

Derek took a left turn at a fork in the road instead of right. It was a longer route, one that would take him down to the edge of town before detouring back to the main road. It gave him a view of Bookends.

He slowed down as he passed the bookstore cottage, smiling at the sight. It was late so they were already closed by now, but Derek found pleasure in just looking at it. He drove on after a while, only to wonder at the dark figure walking down the road.

He realized who it was just as the first droplets of rain hit the windshield. Derek rolled down the window of the passenger seat.

Stiles was in a beanie and glasses with a bag slung across his shoulder. He was looking forlorn as he walked.

"Stiles!” Derek called out. “Stiles!”

Stiles jumped up, looking Derek’s way. His eyes were glazed over and Derek was momentarily worried that he was having a panic attack, but Stiles’ eyes cleared when the drizzle started getting stronger.

“Stiles, the rain's coming down! Get in the car!” Derek shouted.

Stiles simply stood there, looking at him with the oddest expression. His clothing was starting to get drenched.

Derek growled. “Stiles, get in the goddamn car!"

That seemed to snap Stiles out of it. He got in and closed the door just as the rain came down in a violent downpour.

“Shit. It just came down,” Derek muttered, sighing. He grabbed the tissue box from the dashboard and handed it to Stiles. “Here. Dry off.”

"I'm fine. I don't need it." Stiles took out a handkerchief from his pocket and took off his glasses. He wiped at his face and arms.

Derek could feel anger and something else emanating from him. “What's wrong?” he asked. “Are you ok?”

“Me?” Stiles snorted. “Nah. I'm fine. Great. Golden. Top of the world.”

Derek cringed at the hollowness of his words. “You don't... you don't sound like it.”

Stiles glared at him. “And now you're an expert on how I feel?”

Derek was taken aback at his scathing words. “N-No. T-That's not what I meant.”

Stiles seemed to be holding onto his anger for a little more until he just deflated. He let out a breath. “Nah. I know it's not. I'm just...” He leaned back on his seat, fiddling with the glasses he’s taken off.

“I was reminded of an old story my Dad and my friends told me,” Stiles said.

“What story?” Derek asked, wondering what could possibly make Stiles feel so badly.

Stiles trained his gaze on the waterfall outside. “I know that you probably know I attended college in New York where we all… met.” He paused. “Turns out I used to live there after I graduated. Spent around three years there.”

Derek felt like there was a hand in his chest, squeezing his insides.

“It’s pretty shocking, I think. I’ve always been more of a small town guy.” Stiles talked on, not even looking at Derek. “I lived there and it was fine and good and shit. Turns out I had a boyfriend back then.” He suddenly let out a laugh. “Imagine that. Me. The skinny bean pole with ADHD and the panic attacks. Someone actually found that attractive.”

“I think…” Derek swallowed it down, settling on, “But you are.”

Stiles didn’t seem to have heard that. “So anyway, we were together for three years and you know what everybody said? That I was happy, Derek. I was in love.” He paused, as if wanting to laugh again. “Turns out, I asked the guy to move in with me and we found an apartment, got furniture and shit and then... and then he just upped and left. Gone before the first day even. A half-empty closet, less DVDs on the racks, less shoes in the hall. He was gone even before I unpacked the first bag of groceries.”

Derek’s heart was beating loudly in his ears and he had to clear his throat before speaking. “Didn't they tell you who… I mean. The guy…”

Stiles shook his head.

“No, um, no name? Or pictures? Nothing?”

Stiles wiped his glasses, more for something to do than to clean up. “Nope. They burned everything after I got amnesia so that it’s just one of those things l wouldn't have to remember anymore. They didn't bother telling me, especially my Dad. He's the sheriff and everything and he's pretty sure I might end up killing the guy. Or he'd help me do it. Whichever.”

Derek didn’t know if he was relieved or hurt. “Oh... so nothing...”

Stiles turned to him with haunted eyes. “I ended up in the hospital.”

Derek winced.

“You already know I get panic attacks but this one was...” Stiles eyes widened, as if even the memory could trigger it. “It was beyond anything. I just... stopped breathing. Blacked out. Dragged a bag of groceries with me. The woman on the floor below heard the commotion. They got me to a hospital. It took me three days before I stabilized. I could have died.”

The words felt like a punch to the face, a stab through his chest, something so crushing and painful that Derek felt like he’s the one liable to start having a panic attack.

“Oh, god. Stiles. That’s so... That's just...” He didn’t even know what to say.

“Weird, huh?” Stiles talked on as if he didn’t almost die, as if it was nothing. “What kind of person would do that? To think that this guy knew I got deadly panic attacks, that I'm scared of losing somebody after my mom died, that I've always been so fucking insecure that I'm nothing but a failure with ADHD, who can't shut up, and scares everybody away. Everybody. Every one. Turns out even him.”

“Stiles... I... I mean, he...”

By this point, Stiles’ breathing was becoming labored. “I woke up after about five days and you know what? The first thing I said was his name. And I kept crying and crying and Dad and Scott tried to calm me down as best as they could but I... I couldn't. And when they decided it was better to take me back to Beacon Hills, I said no because I wanted to stay there. At our apartment. To wait for him. Because I knew he'd be back, that I knew he wouldn't hurt me that way. Never.”

“Guess I was wrong! God, I'm such a girl.” Stiles laughed, loud and on the edge of hysterical. “lt’s a good thing l got into an accident, you know? Like, I can't even remember his name or his stupid face but it's still really painful.”

Stiles turned to Derek, face haunted and eyes shining with unshed tears “Why? Why did he leave me?”

Derek made a noise, a whine in his throat. He literally did not know what to say.

“You said that despite the ADHD, I was cheerful and funny and kind. That I was beautiful. So why did he leave me?”

There was silence in the car and Derek couldn’t look away from Stiles, his eyes shining with so much unbridled pain.

Derek hurt him so much. So fucking much.

Derek forced the words out, the words he weren’t able to say two years ago, the words he kept inside that ended up ruining not just his life, but the life of someone he genuinely and completely cared about.

“Maybe he was afraid.”

Stiles’ pain led to anger. He exploded. “That's a load of crap! What kind of goddamn reason is that?!”

Derek tried to speak, trying to make this Stiles, who was not his Stiles, understand.

“Maybe he thought he was rushing into things.”

Stiles swung his arm, hitting his elbow against the door. He didn’t even notice it. “Then why did he agree to move in with me?! Why say yes?! Why get my hopes up when he knew, he knew, because I kept telling him Derek, I kept telling him that no matter what, all he had to do was tell me the truth! Talk to me! Tell me how he felt and I'd back off and not push! That I'd understand! So give me the fucking reason why! Tell me!”

Derek’s hands were fisting hard enough to hurt. He wanted to reach out, to touch, to hold, to turn the words he’s never known to say into the tangible and the physical, the way he’s always known.

But that was what got him into this in the first place, wasn’t it?

Derek licked his lips. “It's his fault, Stiles. Not yours. Never yours. That he just really couldn't say it because he... even I would be afraid. I mean, I think he was just so scared that he wanted it so much that he became afraid that this was the wrong move, that he'd end up hurting you more if he pushed through with it.”

“That's bullshit!” Stiles shouted back, his anger unforgiving. “He should know me better than that! Because I loved him, Derek! I was fucking in love him! I loved him with everything I had! Doesn't he think I’m not hurting now?!”

Derek tried to reach into himself, to spin the words, but knowing it was not enough, might never be enough, but he knew he needed to, that he owed it to Stiles to try.

“Maybe he had a lot of questions then, a lot of thoughts. That he was actually lot more insecure than he let on. Like the more he realized how in love with you he was, the more he thought he could never measure up to that. That he loved you so much that it scared him and he ended up ruining it all.” Derek looked at Stiles with all the depth and intensity of his feelings, feelings he knew will never reach him. Because Stiles had forgotten and Derek could never get that back.

“But then he realized it was harder for him after he lost you.”

Stiles didn’t say anything, just pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. He was shaking.

Derek kept on talking. “Stiles, I’m sure that wherever that idiot is right now, he's regretting what he did, that he lost you, that he hurt you, that you were the best thing to ever happen to him and he just took your for granted because he couldn't just go and tell you that he loved you so fucking much that it ended up scaring him.”

He took a chance, reaching out to touch Stiles’ shoulder. Stiles stopped shaking under his hand.

“And the only thing he would ever ask of you is to please forgive him, forgive him for not being brave enough or strong enough to love you the way you deserve.”

“–such a jerk! I hope his conscience is eating him right now from the inside out! That would serve him right! You were right to tell him how awful he was! You should have rubbed it in more! He deserves it!”

“Alli–“

“You should have punched him and, oh my god, Stiles! You should have called me! I know I had dinner with Mrs. McCall so I had the Jeep but I would have picked you up!”

“Alli–“

“What?”

“Can you not?” Stiles felt tired, boneless with the heaviness of Derek’s feelings.

“Stiles, should I slap you on the face right now?”

Stiles looked up at her. Allison was gaping at him from across the living room.

“I see that look in your eyes,” she said accusingly.

“What look?” Stiles asked, sighing.

“That! That one!” Allison pointed a finger at him. “You shouldn’t be feeling anything for him anymore!”

Stiles was quiet.

“Do you still love him?”

Stiles and Allison jerked towards Lydia. Lydia just sipped her drink calmly.

Lydia had been quiet throughout Allison’s rant. She was generally neutral since she’d never met Derek, but she wasn’t exactly his biggest fan too.

Stiles shook his head. “No, I don’t. Not anymore. What are you even asking?”

“Because I think you still do,” Lydia said, biting into her lemon chicken.

“I don’t,” Stiles said, standing up and taking his mug with him. “No feelings here. None.”

Even Nathan seemed to feel the somber mood that night, and he was making less of a fuss than usual other than to make grabby hands at Derek, as if he knew that Derek was the source of the sadness and wanted to do something about it.

“God, it was… it was so different hearing it from him, you know. I’m the worst human being ever.”

Derek let Nathan snuggle against his neck and chest, mindful of rubbing his stubble against the baby’s soft skin. He sighed deeply.

Laura and Isaac looked heartbroken, and Erica was sympathetic.

“I deserve this. I do.” Derek groaned, looking up at the ceiling. Nathan gave a little cry, patting at his face.

Laura looked conflicted. “Don’t be like that, Der.”

Erica shrugged. “As one of Laura’s romance novels says, true love is meant for the brave.”

Isaac tossed a throw pillow at her. “Are you calling Derek a coward?”

Erica didn’t even hesitate. “Yes, I am.”

“That’s mean,” Isaac pointed out, but he didn’t deny it.

Derek sighed and Nathan fussed, sitting up on his chest. He fell over, planting a wet kiss across Derek’s nose and cheek. “This is the meaning of true love right here,” he muttered, wiping off some of the slobber and kissing Nathan’s cheek. He handed him over to Laura, who bounced him up and down.

Derek sank back down on the couch. “I don’t know what to do. I just… I want to see him smile again for real. I just want him to be happy again.”

Laura sighed. “As noble as it sounds, Derek, you can’t just go into this thinking like that. If you really want to do it, don’t do it just because you want to make amends.”

Derek shook his head. “It’s not that. I just want him to be happy again. The way he was before he met me. That not everyone’s a douchebag like me, that someone out there would love him and never leave him the way I did.”

“Even if that person’s not you?” Erica asked. Isaac and Laura grimaced.

Derek nodded without hesitation. “It doesn’t have to be me. I think it’s better if it’s not me anyway. He deserves better than that.”

It seemed like that confession opened the floodgates. The next thing Stiles knew, Derek was everywhere.

Stiles walked into the employee’s lounge that afternoon to see his employees in good spirits.

“Hey, gang. What’s got you guys all perky?” he asked, grinning at them.

Danny grinned and pulled him over. “Your friend, Mr. Hale, came by. Got us all snacks.”

Stiles gaped at the bread rolls, tarts, and cinnamon buns on the table. Allison already had a bread roll in one hand.

“And this is for you,” she said, placing a warm cup in his hands. It was warm tea, exactly the kind Stiles loved.

Stiles drank it down with a smile.

Then Derek started leaving little gifts in Stiles’ office, managing to charm the pants off of his employees to sneak them in without Stiles seeing them, or Derek.

It started off with a small jar of green M&Ms, Stiles’ favorite color of M&Ms. Then there was the peanut butter cups lined up along his desk like soldiers. Then there were the notes in his coat pockets or tucked in his shoulder bag that he found at the end of the day with messages in Derek’s block script that read: ‘To write with a broken pencil is pointless’ or ‘When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland’ or ‘I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off’. That last one had Stiles laughing for a good half hour.

Then Derek went and did something especially for Allison.

Lydia and Jackson came by that day, surprised to see some people lining up by the snack bar.

“What’s up with the line?” Lydia asked.

“Derek taught Allison how to make better coffee,” Stiles said. He watched as Allison helped man the snack bar, smiling brightly and occasionally taking sips of her mug. Stiles offered his mug to her and Lydia took a sip, licking her lips.

“That is pretty damn good coffee,” Lydia said, looking pleased.

Then there were cupcakes the next day, a pair of matching red and blue ones with ‘S’ and ‘A’ in frosting for him and Allison. Then there was a picture of a little boy, probably Laura’s son Nathan, in a striped wolf-printed onesie and in mid-laughter while holding a sign between his wee hands that said: SMILE!

Then there was a certificate for Mama’s Diner, something handmade that had Isaac’s cursive writing telling him he could claim a ‘Free Breakfast for Two’ which Mama at the diner gamely served to him and Allison with a warm smile.

Then there were the balloons delivered to the bookstore with the label ‘Reach for the skies!’ that all his employees loved.

Then there were the lilies on his desk.

Lilies. Stiles’ favorite flower. Because it was also his mom’s favorite flower.

“You sound happy today, bro,” Scott said in the middle of their chat that weekend. “Something good happened today?”

Stiles looked at the vase of lilies by his bedroom window and the picture of Nathan framed beside it.

Stiles smiled. “Yeah, something really, really good.”

It wasn’t all that surprising his employees at Bookends were thoroughly charmed by Stiles’ ‘suitor’. Even Allison was taken by Derek’s understated courting, if that was what it was. Stiles had to give Derek props for managing to win her affections.

But despite all that, Stiles had to wonder why Derek never showed his face. Not to him at least. Danny and the other employees always see him whenever they sneak him in to leave his little trinkets. Even Allison has seen him thrice now, once for the coffee thing and twice by accident.

Stiles hadn’t.

It was about two months into Derek’s gift-giving spree when Stiles finally caught him. Stiles was the last one out and after locking the side door, he was walking over to his jeep when he saw a familiar someone fiddling with the jeep’s side mirror.

“Derek?” Stiles called out.

Derek literally jumped up, knocking against the side of the jeep with a wince.

“I… um… er…” Derek looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Just me. Chill.” Stiles chuckled, jogging towards him.

Derek gave him a weak smile as he neared and showed him. He was tying a red ribbon on the window. He handed it to Stiles instead.

“Thanks,” Stiles said, smiling and fiddling a little with the bow. He leaned against the jeep, a little pleased when Derek settled beside him.

“Actually.” Stiles pushed his glasses up his nose. “I should be saying thanks for everything, really.”

Derek shrugged and made a noncommittal sound under his breath.

It was already getting dark, but Stiles could see Derek clearly. Derek seemed a bit worse for wear tonight.

“You ok?” Stiles asked gently. “You look tired, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

Derek seemed to stiffen a little before letting himself sag back against the jeep, tilting his head back. “Hard day at work,” he mumbled.

Stiles could see that, and it confused him. “So, um, why come here? I mean, don’t get me wrong, but you should head home. Relax. Take care of yourself.”

Derek shrugged. “I like doing this. It’s fun.”

Stiles fought a flush from rising up his cheeks.

There was silence, easy and companionable. Stiles weaved the ribbon though his fingers.

“You spend so much time on me, but you don’t spend it with me.” He turned to Derek. “Why?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to,” Derek admitted. “And I like doing things for you, that’s all. I don’t think you actually have to do it with me.”

“I want to,” Stiles said, without hesitation.

That genuinely seemed to startle Derek. He looked at Stiles.

Stiles wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but it was what he felt and what he genuinely wanted.

“I want to. With you,” Stiles said. He looked at Derek. “I want… I want to spend that time with you.”

Derek was quiet, looking at Stiles with a pinpoint focus. It slowly bled out to show sincere affection that made something pleasant curl inside Stiles’ chest.

“I…” Derek licked his lips. “Yeah, I can… I can do that. Um, lunch tomorrow?”

Stiles smiled, leaning sideways and letting his fingers brush Derek’s. He flushed when Derek leaned into him as well.

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

They had lunch a few times after that, which turned into dinner or the occasional breakfast runs before Derek had to go to the office and Stiles had to open up the store.

Then Derek started dropping by in person to give gifts, tea for Stiles, candy for Allison, the cinnamon buns the employees loved. And Stiles learned where Derek worked, managing to leave a bunch of bananas on his table with the note: ‘You drive me bananas! But in a good way.’

Then Derek ‘introduced’ him to Laura, taking his sister along for one of their dinners. And then next thing Stiles knew, Laura was there and she was everything he remembered, the way she embraced him tightly when they saw each other, the warmth of her smile, the loudness, brightness, and genuineness of her. Stiles was reminded of how much he loved her.

Then he and Derek started going to movies during the weekend, one time taking along Allison, and another time Isaac. They tried a drive-in movie and laughed and shoveled down ice cream and buckets of popcorn.

Stiles introduced Derek to Lydia and Jackson. Lydia had given him a thumbs up behind Derek’s back and even Jackson had nothing bad to say after Derek had been nothing but the perfect gentleman.

One time they ended up walking in the rain just because and when Derek reached over to hold his hand, Stiles simply smiled and titled his head back to catch the raindrops on his tongue, laughing when Derek did the same.

They spent one evening at the preserve and looked up at the stars while leaning against the jeep and making wishes together as they held hands. They shared a thermos of hot chocolate Stiles brought beforehand, laughing at each other’s chocolate moustaches.

They texted each other all the time, about the mundane and the odd. And Stiles still felt breathless upon reading the messages of, ‘I'm thinking of you’ and ‘Can’t wait to see you tomorrow’, and he had to bite down his giddy smiles as he responded in turn with ‘Can’t wait to see you too’ and ‘I miss you already’.

Derek spent some weekends at Bookends, occasionally shelving with them, joking around with Danny, and making Allison coffee when she ran out. He stayed to help Stiles close up shop, and one time surprised him by turning on the music in his phone and sweeping Stiles up into a slow dance right in the middle of the empty store.

Then Derek surprised him by introducing him to Nathan, taking him along after they agreed to meet at the park for a nice day out.

Derek handed the giggling baby over to Stiles, who cradled the boy to his chest, cooing softly. Nathan started tugging on Stiles’ glasses until Derek gently extracted them from Stiles’ face.

Nathan was beautiful. He looked just like Laura, all bright eyes and soft hair. He had chubby cheeks and the cutest nose and he smelled sweet and good in Stiles’ arms. Stiles couldn’t resist leaning down and letting the baby pat his face and start mouthing at his cheek in baby kisses.

“Hi, Nathan,” Stiles said softly, nuzzling against him. He looked to Derek.

There was something in Derek’s face and his eyes, something so warm and fond and full of feeling it took Stiles’ breath away.

“Nathan, this is Stiles,” Derek said, rubbing Nathan’s hair with a large palm and kissing his head. He looked at Stiles. “And he’s someone very important to me.”

Stiles melted, his heart filling up with the best kind of emotions. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward, placing a soft kiss against Derek’s cheek. When he pulled back, Derek looked shocked.

Stiles didn’t have time to second guess what he did because Nathan giggled, as if seeing that, seeing them, pleased him. And Stiles had to laugh.

“That’s fine with you, right sweetie?”

Stiles was looking at Nathan, though it was also directed at Derek, whose shock turned into something else, something delighted and pleased and… loving.

“Yeah.” Derek leaned over, kissing Stiles’ temple. “That’s fine. This is fine. This is amazing.”

The next thing Stiles knew, it’s been six months since he met Derek again.

“–and please don’t forget to eat more greens, Dad,” Stiles said, talking to him as he drove to the apartment he shared with Allison. On the passenger seat, Lydia was holding the phone while on speaker.

“Greens are good for you, Sheriff,” Lydia said.

“Oh, don’t you get in on this, Lydia,” the Sheriff said. He was obviously pouting and Stiles rolled his eyes. “I’ve been eating nothing but baby stuff the past week. Bacon once in a while won’t kill me.”

Stiles grumbled something under his breath that made Lydia giggle.

The Sheriff cleared his throat. “Moving on from how my son is attempting to punish me–”

“Prolong your life,” Stiles corrected him. “There’s a difference.”

“–when am I gonna hear about whoever it is you’re dating?”

Stiles froze and Lydia’s eyes widened.

‘Did you tell him?’ Lydia mouthed, to which Stiles shook his head.

“What are you talking about, Dad?” Stiles asked, attempting for nonchalance.

“Don’t you lie to me,” his Dad said. “I know you. You’ve been surprisingly chipper the past few months and while you live way over at Greenwood, you don’t honestly think I don’t have people occasionally telling me they saw you on a date with some guy.”

“S-some guy?” Stiles asked, starting to get nervous. If someone told his Dad about Derek…

“Who is he? Why haven’t I met him yet? Probably lives over in Greenwood since no one knows him.”

His Dad sounded excited and that tore into Stiles.

It wasn’t just Stiles Derek once broke up with. It was also with his Dad. Because his Dad had genuinely loved Derek like his own son and it had taken him a while to also move on from what happened.

“I… It’s complicated, Dad,” Stiles said.

His Dad scoffed. “Sure it is. But I want to meet him sometime this century, Stiles.”

“I… yeah… sure,” Stiles said. “I gotta go, Dad. Love you.”

“Love you too, son,” His dad said. “See you around, Lydia, darling.”

“Bye, Sheriff,” Lydia said, cutting the call.

Stiles sighed as he parked the car and they got out of the jeep.

“As if this wasn’t bad enough,” he murmured. “I’ve been wondering about that the past months.”

“You're finally going to tell him you faked your amnesia?” Lydia looked sympathetic, but just barely. Stiles knew she still thought his plan had been stupid. And it was.

“I... I... maybe? I don't know,” Stiles said, getting all the bags of takeout and heading to the apartment. “l know I need to tell him the truth.”

“But you're both happy now, right? This might ruin everything,” Lydia said.

“There’s no might about it,” Stiles said, glumly. “I can’t keep pretending for the rest of my life, can’t I? The poor guy is just going to look stupid forever.”

“And it’s not like your Dad or Scott won’t have their own opinion on the matter when they find out,” Lydia added.

“It would be unfair for everyone to keep this going,” Stiles said, nodding.

Stiles unlocked the door and walked in.

“Hey, Allison! Lydia and I are back and we have dinner!” he called out walking past the living room and into the kitchen. “I got you the pad thai you like and some–”

He stopped.

Leaning against the counter was Allison, looking worried. And sitting at the kitchen table was a furious and red-faced Scott.

“So, have you been enjoying your date with Derek?” Scott asked.

Stiles would have dropped the takeout if Lydia wasn’t behind him to take them from him. Lydia sat down at the corner away from Scott and Stiles. Allison was quiet, sending Stiles guilty looks.

There was silence and Scott looked angrier by the minute.

Stiles stepped towards his best friend, palms out and nervous. “Scott, I know this looks bad but I–”

Scott exploded, slamming his palms on the table as he stood up. “What were you thinking, Stiles?! This was the guy who broke your heart! Who ruined your life in New York! He landed you in the hospital! And now you’re hooking up with him again?”

Stiles kept quiet, letting Scott rant, because underneath the anger at Stiles’ deception, one thing rang through, that Scott was just genuinely worried about him.

“And what’s the deal about amnesia?!” Scott shouted. “That’s like the stupidest thing ever!”

“Ok, that one stung,” Stiles murmured.

“This is just a completely stupid plan!” Scott continued. “What are you even planning?! Is this some way to get back at him?! How could you do that?! You’re even lying to him! I’m just… and How could you?!”

Allison reached over, patting Scott’s arm. She winced. Scott wasn’t making much sense now. “Scott, honey, calm down.”

“Yeah. Calm your panties, McCall,” Lydia said, voice forceful. “Stiles is in love with Derek. Again.”

Scott found his second wind. “WHAT?! Stiles! He broke your heart and now you’re offering it to him again on a silver platter?!”

At those words, Stiles snapped. “Shut up, Scott! SHUT UP!”

Scott looked like he was slapped, looking taken aback. At that, Stiles’ anger deflated before it even built up.

“Ok, I’m sorry,” Stiles said. “You know I don’t like raising my voice at you, Scott, but I… I’ve been thinking the same thing so just… just don’t.”

Stiles’ hand balled into fists, taking deep breaths to calm himself. “The whole thing got blown out of proportion and next thing I knew I’m going along with the amnesia thing. I planned on never getting in touch with him again, stopping it, because I’m not stupid, Scott. I know he hurt me and left me. But he… he kept coming back.”

Scott’s anger had simmered into something of a low boil. “So what? He dropped you little gifts and made you feel good and now you want him again?”

“Why not?” Stiles asked, feeling weary. “Why can’t I feel good again? Why can’t I like how Derek makes me feel now? Even if I know it’s all fucked up. But I love Derek, Scott. I tried to forget and it was good and now I’m better but he… Derek’s better, Scott.”

“How do you know?” Scott asked, voice edging towards desperate and pleading and Stiles was pained at how this was hurting Scott, who wanted nothing more than to protect him. “Because he dangled his nephew in front of you, it’s all better now? Derek isn’t good for you!”

“Because its different now,” Stiles said. He had to try and explain it to Scott, to get him to understand how Stiles felt whenever he was with Derek. “We’re both better people now, Scott. And we… we talk more. We do things differently from before. It’s like a new relationship, a new us.”

“Us?” Scott repeated. “You two together? You’re going to be with him again? Play up this amnesia?”

“I’m planning to tell him the truth. That I faked it. That I lied to him,” Stiles said. He saw Allison jerk at that, looking shocked.

“Stiles. Just.” Scott was looking more and more resigned. He still looked angry, concerned, partly betrayed, and Stiles can’t blame him. But Stiles can’t have that, not now.

“Scottie, please. Don’t be angry with me. Not you of all people.”

“I just…” Scott completely deflated, crashing back down on his seat. “Dude, you don’t see you the way I do. God! I want to punch Derek in the face for what he did to you, and part of me feels like I’d never be able to forgive him! As for you, I thought it would be harder for you.”

“I thought so too, Scott,” Stiles said, “And trust me, I tried, but I just don’t want to be angry anymore. I’m.. I’m happy.”

Stiles looked to Allison, who looked at him with a guilty grimace. He couldn’t be angry with her for telling on him, because Allison had been nothing but protective and supportive.

“I’m happy, Alli,” he said.

“I can see that,” Allison said softly. “I’ve seen that the past couple of months.”

“I agree,” Lydia said. “Stiles has practically been floating on air. And while I know the goings on between you two, Derek’s not a half bad guy. Even Jackson thinks so.”

Scott made a noise at that. He sighed loudly, looking at Stiles. “And I’ve heard how you talk the past months. I didn’t know why you were so fucking happy but… yeah, you were happy.” His face hardened for a moment. “But, dude, if he hurts you again, I will hurt him badly.”

“Just please be ok with this. For now. For me,” Stiles pleaded. “Trust me.”

“It’s him I don’t trust,” Scott replied immediately.

“I know, but I do, Scott,” Stiles said. “I do.”

Lydia decided to open up all the takeout now that everyone’s calmed down.

Scott sighed, loud and deep, tossing back a chicken Allison placed in front of him. “I can’t talk to your Dad for a while. You know I can’t lie to him.”

Stiles leaned over, placing a grateful hand on his arm. “Thanks buddy.”

“Are you really going to tell Derek, though?” Allison asked, biting her lip.

“I do want to tell him the truth,” Stiles said. “I was serious about that.”

“He’s not going to take it well, Stiles,” Scott said. “Even I kinda want to hit you now. I can’t judge you for it because god knows you’ve gone along with my stupidest stunt, but this was still majorly stupid. Derek’s gonna look stupid.”

“I know,” Stiles sighed deeply, placing his forehead against the table. “This is going to be so bad.”

A week later, Stiles still hadn’t found a way to tell Derek the truth. And he was sweating bullets about it.

They were taking a drive that day. Derek had reached out and twined their fingers over Stiles’ lap. Stiles loved it, loved Derek’s large and warm palm against his. He loved it almost as much as he loved the way Derek had leaned over and kissed him on the corner of the mouth when he picked him up earlier at the apartment.

“Where are we going?” Stiles asked.

“I have a surprise for you,” Derek said softly, smiling.

Stiles couldn’t help bouncing in his seat. “What is it? I love surprises.”

Derek grinned but it was subdued and Stiles knew that meant he was nervous.

“Hey,” Stiles rubbed at Derek’s wrist with his thumb. “Whatever it is, I know I’ll love it.”

Derek sighed, letting the nervousness show a little. “I hope you do.”

They drove on, the houses and streets unfamiliar to Stiles. He and Derek spent most of their dates at Greenwood, to Stiles’ request. He couldn’t risk going to Beacon Hills and having his Dad or one of his Dad’s deputies seeing Derek.

Derek eventually pulled up in front of a small house with pale walls, a blue tilting roof, and windows at the front. There was a tree out front and an unfamiliar car.

Stiles got out of the car. When Derek came around to his side, he said, “Whose is this?”

“Laura’s,” Derek said. He held Stiles hand and led him to the side of the house, around the garage, and towards the back.

“We’re here,” Derek said loudly, as if he was announcing his presence.

Stiles looked at him in confusion. “Huh? Is this the surprise you’re–”

“Surprise!”

Once Stiles saw the people gathered inside, he felt himself already at the edge of a panic attack within a second.

Because there they were, seated around the backyard in what was obviously supposed to be a small get together-slash-party.

There were Isaac and Erica, looking excited and expectant. Isaac had a Nathan in his arms, who was babbling and giggling. Then there was Allison, who should be at Bookends, and Lydia, who he knew had work. Both of them looked uncomfortable. At the side were Scott, who should be back in Jamestown, and Laura. They were seated close together and looked to be in the middle of talking heatedly before Stiles and Derek walked in.

Stiles looked to Laura, who was wide-eyed and biting her lip, and he immediately knew that Scott told her.

Laura knew. And she looked panicked.

Oh god.

“My parents can’t get an earlier flight. But they hoped to come so… yeah. This is just us now.”

And Derek, wonderful Derek, stood there. He was fidgeting in his boots but he looked pleased at what he had done, this grand gesture he had done for Stiles.

Derek spoke, words soft but sure. “I don’t talk much, Stiles. I’ve always found it hard. But I thought I’d do it now. For you.

Stiles could feel his heart breaking already. “Derek, please don’t–”

“Stiles, the best thing that ever happened to me was the day I met you. It wasn’t that day at Bookends. It was before that. I…” Derek hesitated. “I know you don’t remember it, Stiles, but… I hurt you. I hurt you so much. Two years ago.”

Stiles looked over Derek’s shoulder. Erica and Isaac looked excited, waving Nathan’s chubby arms in the air. Scott, Allison, Lydia, and Laura were wide-eyed and scared.

Derek was oblivious to all that. He talked on, looking Stiles right in the eyes that Stiles couldn’t help staring back.

“I was… I was that idiot who broke your heart and left you two years ago.”

“Derek,” Stiles had to stop him. Had to. “Do not–”

“Please don’t be mad,” Derek said, raising his palms. His expression was honest. “But… I just… I don’t know, maybe I could have not said anything. It would have been easier because of your amnesia. I’ve always done that anyway, not say anything, not say the things that matter.” He let out a huff, looking displeased. “But I hurt you once when I didn’t say anything, didn’t tell you how I felt when I knew that you, out of everybody in the world, would understand me no matter what. Didn’t tell you enough that I love you. That I was, and still am, madly in love with you.”

“Holy shit,” Stiles said, grasping his chest. His heart was loud in his ears.

“And there’s this.”

Derek pulled out a remote and pressed a button. The garage door started opening. Sitting inside, something Stiles hadn’t seen for the past six months, was Derek’s Camaro.

“The SUV is Laura’s,” Derek said. “This Camaro is my car. This is where it all started, how we met.”

Fuck.

Laura and Scott seemed to be getting the idea too. They made to stand and stop Derek.

Stiles scrambled forward, grabbing Derek’s arm. “What… I, Derek, I don’t have to know!”

Derek was not to be deterred. “It was Sunday night. And you were wearing your favorite green hoodie. You just came from the library where you were writing down the sixth draft of your novel…”

Derek held Stiles’ hand, slotting their fingers together and it was the worst kind of heartbreaking.

“The traffic light’s counting down and you ran for it, because you were too impatient to wait for the next light.” Derek chuckled. “When you were almost at the other side, you tripped and sent your drink flying right at my car. I–”

Derek remembered. He remembered everything.

Stiles started blurting it all out, “You had the window half-open because you were airing out Laura’s perfume and it hurt your sensitive nose. You got splashed all over and you walked out to confront me and you were in that dark blue sweater I love and I had a panic attack thinking you were probably gonna kill me. Then you calmed me down and we ended up going to Starbucks and talking and… and…”

Isaac and Erica looked taken aback. Allison and Lydia looked resigned. Scott looked disappointed. Laura looked, oh god, she looked heartbroken.

Derek, on the other hand, looked ecstatic. “Y-You remember now?”

Stiles was crying before he could even stop himself. “I never forgot anything, Derek. l don't have amnesia. I didn't get into an accident. Derek, l never forgot about you, not ever.”

Derek’s enthusiasm slowly melted off his face. And it killed Stiles inside.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles sobbed. “When I first saw you, I was stunned and I didn’t know what to say and I blurted out that stupid amnesia and then I was angry and wanted to get back at you but you kept coming back no matter what I do and l was in so deep and I got so scared because I got you back and l was so scared of losing you. Again.”

Derek now looked ashen, eyes wide, mouth slack.

Stiles sobbed harder. “Derek, I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

Without a word, Derek ran.

And Stiles collapsed on his knees, crying, in the throes of a panic attack and with a broken heart.

It was quiet at dinner that night. It had taken Isaac and Erica over five hours before they found Derek the day he ran from the house. It seemed he had ran all the way to the old playground on the other side of town and they found him sitting on the swings looking so forlorn.

It took a half hour of cajoling before Derek agreed to come home with them, and after calling in to take a sick leave, he spent most of the days holed up in his room, not opening the door to anyone except when Laura brought a crying Nathan to his door and let Derek lock the both of them up in his room to play.

Now they were having a silent and moody meal. Even Nathan was quieter than usual as he sat in his high chair.

Isaac was eating, looking depressed. Laura kept glancing at Derek, who wasn’t even bothering to touch his plate. No one commented on the bags under his red-rimmed eyes.

“Amnesia, eh?” Erica said, first to touch on the topic.

Laura winced and Derek didn’t even react.

Isaac let out a soft whine under his breath. “I feel so stupid for actually believing him.”

“We all fell for it,” Laura said softly.

“Stiles is actually a halfway decent actor,” Isaac said, his words more than a little hurt and angry.

“I would've never imagined that he'd do this,” Derek said softly. “I would have preferred a punch in the face, all that anger and insults thrown at me. But not this. Never this.”

They were all silent. No one really had anything to say to that.

“I know l have no right to be angry,” Derek said, looking down at the tablecloth, speaking in monotone. “I know it’s my fault. I’m not pointing fingers. l hurt him first. l get that. He had a good reason to do all this shit.” He broke down, slamming the heels of his palms to his eyes. “But, god, it hurts. It fucking hurts.”

Laura was pained, heart breaking at the sight of her brother. She reached over, placing a hand on his arm. “When you invited Allison and Scott and Lydia, the first thing they told me was to stop it, to stop you. Scott was telling me everything and then next thing I knew, you and Stiles were there and…” Her voice broke. “I should have stopped you. I should have done something.”

Nathan fussed, squirming in his seat, at the sight of his mother and uncle.

“You were so happy, Der,” Laura said softly. Isaac and Erica murmured in agreement.

Derek pulled his hands away and even Isaac sniffed at the sight of Derek looking so torn and teary.

“I was. I really was. I… I’m not making excuses for myself. Stiles had a good reason to get back at me. I can’t hate him. I just… I love him. God, I love him.”

The floodgates opened and Derek wiped at the tears that just kept coming, gritting his teeth as he rubbed at his eyes with fists.

Laura and Isaac looked at him, looking pained themselves. Nathan started crying.

“Stop crying,” Erica scolded him. There was no heat in her voice, just a shaky exhale.

“How did we end up this way?” Derek asked, and the tears kept coming. He blinked up the ceiling.

Laura handed Nathan over to Isaac before walking over to wrap her arms around Derek’s shoulders. “Let it out, honey. Cry it out. Then after this, we'll get some ice cream and cupcakes, and you can sleep it off with Nathan, and hopefully by tomorrow, or a week from now, or even a month, you'll know what you want to do.” She stroked his hair to comfort him.

“I looked for Stiles for a reason, Laura,” Derek admitted. “I had him back. We had a second chance. And l loved him even more.”

“Do you still love him, Der?” Isaac asked. “After this?”

“You all know the answer to that,” Derek said. “You all know that never really changed. Not even after the past two years. Not even after this mess.”

Derek buried his face in Laura’s arms, holding onto her tight.

Stiles had been moping at home for the past few days now. Scott, Allison, and Lydia had taken him straight to his Dad after what happened and had told the Sheriff the entire story from start to finish and ending in why Stiles had gotten a panic attack when he had been doing so well the past months. His Dad allowed him to cry it out in his room, coming in only to leave warm tea on his bedside table.

Now Scott and Allison came by again for dinner and to see how Stiles was doing. They were all quiet but Stiles could feel their disappointment.

His Dad finally cleared his throat and Stiles didn’t even wince. He deserved whatever his Dad was going to throw at him.

“Derek Hale, of all people,” his father said. “How did you factor introducing him to me… again? Pretend I had amnesia too?”

Stiles was just pushing his food around his plate. “To be honest, I had actually considered staging some sort of accident again and pretend I got my memory back.”

Scott snorted. “Do that and you’re liable to get into an accident for real, knowing you.”

His Dad and Allison stifled a chuckle and even Stiles smiled weakly.

Stiles sighed, letting his fork drop on his plate. “I know I messed up. So say whatever you want to say. You can’t possibly make me feel any worse. Trust me. I feel so fucking over right now.”

“Language,” his dad said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Son, you had a good reason not to tell me, I know. God knows, I’m still waiting to punch Hale’s face for what he’d done to you.”

“Amen to that,” Scott said.

“But what were you thinking?” His Dad asked. “You can say it was an accident at the start, telling him about the amnesia thing. But to play it up is… son, that’s cruel, even for you.”

“I just… He hurt me, Dad. Like, god! I ended up in the hospital! I practically lost my mind! But we… Derek…” Stiles rubbed his face. “We got to know each other again, Dad. And I fell in love with him. Again. More.”

“I don’t doubt that, son,” his Dad said. “But are you sure? Derek is…”

“Derek is an ass,” Scott muttered.

Stiles glared at him and Allison gave him a reproachful nudge in the ribs.

“Scott, don’t,” Allison said.

His Dad didn’t even comment. Stiles felt he was taking satisfaction at Scott’s dislike of Derek.

“It’s different now,” was all Stiles said. “Two years ago, I always felt so bad about myself. I had so much problems with my ADHD and my stupid panic attacks and myself in general that I needed Derek to feel better about myself. Now, it’s different. Because I’m good by myself. I get less panic attacks than before and when I do, I know how to calm myself down. I can focus without somebody standing over my shoulder telling me to concentrate. I’m happy now. I don’t need Derek to hold my hand all the time anymore.”

Scott looked as if it pained him, no matter how true it was. Allison gave him a small smile.

“And how about Derek?” his Dad asked.

“He’s good, Dad. He talks to me. He laughs. He’s more patient. He’s not angry all the time. He’s… he’s more.” Stiles let out a laugh, his chest tightening a little. “I lost him and I found him and I loved him all over again.”

His Dad let out a sigh. “As much as I still hate Derek, I’m glad you’re happy, son. However, I’m not entirely all right with this on principle. He might have done you wrong, and I’m not condoning that, but this is… I did not raise you to lie.”

“I know,” Stiles said.

“So what does that mean, then? For your relationship with him?” His Dad asked.

Stiles let out a laugh, slightly hysterical. “Dad, you should have seen the look on his face when he realized I lied to him, that I got everyone to lie to him. He’ll never want anything to do with me again.” Stiles buried his face in his hands, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

His Dad was quiet and sad. Scott looked pained. Allison patted Stiles on the arm.

Stiles sighed. “Never.”

It took a few more days before Stiles finally broke. Lydia had come over to needle him about finishing his novel and they were in the couch with pizza and bread rolls when Stiles just tossed his laptop on Lydia’s lap.

“l can't take this anymore! I’m going crazy!” Stiles stood up, half-tripping over the coffee table.

“Get back here!” Lydia shouted, frowning. “And where are you going?”

“To apologize to Derek!” Stiles shouted back at her, already in the hall and jamming his foot in his shoes.

“He’s probably still mad!” Lydia called out, following him.

“It's okay!” Stiles laced them up.

“What if he ignores you?” Lydia said, already at the doorway but making no moves to stop him.

“I’ll stand outside until he acknowledges my existence!”

“If he punches you?”

“I can handle it!”

“If he doesn't accept it?”

Stiles grabbed his keys and his jacket. “l don't care! I just want to tell him how sorry l am! l just want to talk to him, to see him, to touch him! l just want to tell him how much l still love him!”

Lydia sighed, though he could see the smile on her face. She grabbed his wrist before he ran out the door and kissed his cheek.

“Good luck, tiger,” she said.

“Thanks, Lyds. Lock up the house for me.”

Stiles ran off, hopping into his Jeep.

It was a two-and-a-half hour drive to Derek’s engineering firm in the heart of Greenwood. He’s been there a couple of times that the secretary knew who he was.

“Hi, Stiles,” she said, smiling. “Haven’t seen you around here in a while.”

Stiles was already trying to peek into the hall to where Derek’s office was. “Hi, Lisa. Is Derek here?”

“No, didn’t you know?” Lisa said, frowning. “He’s on leave. But today’s the sixteenth so he’s probably already at the airport. I’m actually surprised you’re here.”

Stiles froze. “On leave? The airport?” He threw himself over the counter. “Where?! A flight to where?!”

Lisa looked surprised at his reaction. “Um, New York City.”

Of all the things Derek definitely did not expect, seeing Scott, Allison, and Sheriff Stilinski at his front door in various states of stressed was definitely at the top.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” was what Scott shouted when Derek opened the door.

Derek scrunched his face, cuddling Nathan to his chest, who was looking at the newcomers with his little head tilted to the side.

“Scott, language! There’s a baby!” Allison hissed, looking scandalized. “Sorry, Derek.”

“None taken,” Derek said, shifting Nathan to one hip.

“Der?” Laura called out. “Who’s at the– Oh!” She looked surprised when she appeared behind him.

“Hello, Laura,” the Sheriff said. He smiled, still fond and warm. Derek couldn’t help the surge of jealousy when all he got from the man was a blank gaze.

“Mr. Stilinski, it’s good to see you,” Laura said, smiling shakily at him. “You too, Allison, Scott. Please come in.”

“Still John to you, sweetheart,” he said as they all stepped inside the threshold. And Derek had to look away. “And I take it this is your son?”

“Yes, this is Nathan,” Laura said, pointing to the baby in Derek’s arms. As if on cue, Nathan let out a giggle. The Sheriff’s face practically melted.

“He’s a cutie,” the Sheriff said.

Beside him, Scott was fidgeting on his feet and Allison was a mix of irritated and worried.

“Sheriff,” Scott started.

“I know, Scott,” the Sheriff said, sighing. “But I hardly think panicking is going to do anything when we have until six-thirty to save Stiles from himself anyway.”

“What?!” Derek jolted. “Did something happen to him?”

“Erica, take Nathan please,” Laura called out. Erica came in from the kitchen and took the baby. Laura then turned to the Sheriff. “What happened?”

The Sheriff sighed. “Okay. Let me do this first.”

The next thing Derek knew, there was a sting against his cheek and the Sheriff’s palm was raised. He brought a palm to his red cheek, too stunned to speak.

“That was for what happened two years back,” the Sheriff said, leveling a glare at him. “I never had the chance to do any of the hundred and one things I wanted to do to you while my son was in the hospital, and while I would preferred a punch, I need you in working order to get my reckless and impulsive son back home.”

Derek simply nodded slowly, still stunned. Scott was also glaring at him, but he seemed satisfied at Derek’s shock.

“Laura, feel free to slap my son for the amnesia thing,” the Sheriff said.

“I was planning to, John. Thank you,” Laura said, sounding amused.

“What happened to Stiles?” Derek asked, finally founding his voice.

The Sheriff’s glare turned into a mix of amused and exasperated. “He called me half an hour ago to tell me he’s catching a flight to New York City.”

“HE’S WHAT?!” Derek gaped.

Allison sighed. “Apparently, your secretary, Lisa, told him you were on leave and at the airport and Stiles might have misinterpreted it as you having left.”

“I wish you would have,” Scott said.

This time, even the Sheriff warned him off with a look.

“We were at the airport,” Laura explained, looking worried. “But it was to see off Isaac. His leave’s over, so has to go back to work. Lisa knows that.”

“My son has a one-track mind,” the Sheriff said. “He hears something and fixates on it and that’s the only thing on his mind. I’m sure you all know that.” He looked to Derek.

Derek was confused. “But why… why would he… I…”

“He wanted to apologize,” the Sheriff said. “To you.”

Allison coughed behind her hand. “And he said something about still being in love you.” Scott groaned at that and she shushed him.

Derek felt his heart beat loudly in his chest. “H-He does?”

The Sheriff sighed. “I’m not making excuses for my son and what he did, Derek. And frankly, I’m staying out of this conversation. But you have to tell me now what you’re planning to do about my son, because it’s either I drive off there now to drag him home, or…”

Derek didn’t need any prompting. “I’ll get my keys and my jacket.”

“I got both,” Erica suddenly piped up, his leather jacket over a shoulder and keys in hand and Nathan propped against her hip. “And cuddles for good luck.” She thrust Nathan at his face and the baby left a kiss across his cheek.

Derek kissed Nathan’s cheek and Laura’s before turning to the Sheriff.

“Sir, thank you. Really.”

The Sheriff nodded, patting his shoulder. “Just take him home.” He walked over to Nathan. “Hey, Nathan.” Erica handed the baby over to him and Nathan shrieked happily at his new audience.

Laura let out a laugh. “Coffee, John? And we still have pizza rolls leftover, Scott, Allison.” They walked over to the kitchen.

Derek had already laced up his boots and was shrugging on his jacket when he felt someone grip his arm tightly.

Scott was glaring at him. “I’m letting you bring him home but this doesn’t mean anything.”

Derek couldn’t be angry at Scott’s disapproval. He knew Scott just loved Stiles.

“I know. Thanks, Scott.”

Scott scoffed. “Whatever.”

Derek ran out the door.

It was easy enough to find Stiles in the crowd. He was looking up at the departure board and bouncing up and down his heels. He was so jittery that people were giving him a wide berth.

Derek wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans. Stiles had on his glasses and his beanie and his backpack by his feet. He was muttering something under his breath and when Derek looked up at the board, Stiles was staring intently at the flight for New York.

Derek stepped up behind him, far enough not to get hit when Stiles inevitably whirled around with flailing limbs but close enough to keep this conversation between them.

“You’re scaring people.”

Stiles froze, which was amusing considering he was just twitching incessantly a moment ago. He didn’t whip around like Derek expected.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in New York?” Stiles asked and Derek could hear the shift and wobble in his voice.

“Not me,” Derek said, stepping closer. “Isaac.”

From his distance, he could see Stiles’ neck flush red as he started thinking that over. “Well, fuck, this is embarrassing.”

“I appreciate the sentiment though,” Derek said. He leaned over, letting his forehead fall against Stiles’ shoulder. If it was possible, Stiles stiffened some more.

There was silence.

“Stiles–”

Stiles was trembling a little. “I’m sorry, Derek. I’m sorry. I know I hurt you. I do and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Derek shushed him softly, raising one hand to rub along his arm. “It’s ok, Stiles.”

Stiles shook his head, not so much as if he knew he might hit Derek on the head. “No, it’s not. I know it’s not. I didn’t want to lie to you. Or to play with your feelings. I never meant for that. It was cruel.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Stiles,” Derek said, letting himself wrap one arm around his waist. Stiles leaned against him. “I’m sorry. I started it. I started it when I left you. You could have died and I…” He choked off. “God, I love you.”

Stiles jumped under his embrace and Derek tightened his hold, wrapping his other arm around him.

“I’m sorry. I love you,” Derek said again.

“I’m sorry too,” Stiles said, and Derek felt his hands fold against his, tangling their fingers together. “And I love you too.”

Derek hooked his chin on Stiles shoulder, both of them still not making eye contact. They were silent, rocking back and forth a little.

“Why do we do this?” Stiles muttered. “Why do we have to keep hurting each other?”

“I don’t know,” Derek said, sighing. “I’m tired of it.”

Stiles sagged against him, letting his head fall against Derek’s. “All the shit aside, we’re good together, Der. Well, I think so anyway.”

Derek nodded at that. “Even with how we were years ago, where I was so angry and immature and you were scared of everything, I never doubted that, Stiles.”

There was the sound of the airport’s mic turning on.

“This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight xxx to New York. Please proceed to Gate 4. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately fifteen minutes time. Thank you.”

Stiles and Derek let out similar sighs of relief.

Stiles chuckled, turning sideways and nuzzling his cheek against Derek’s cheek. Derek could feel Stiles’ glasses digging a little into his nose and smell his shampoo, a familiar scent from way back when that’s lasted in Derek’s memory through the years.

“Go out with me,” Derek said.

“Yes.” Stiles said, warm puffs of breath against Derek’s neck and a smile stretching across his face.

“We can start over.”

Stiles chuckled. “Starting over’s a bit too long. We can… rework all the awful stuff?”

“Yeah, that would be better,” Derek said. He turned Stiles around in his arms, pressing their foreheads together. “We’ll make better memories, one where I don’t keep it all in and hurt you and leave you.”

Stiles nodded, their lips close enough in an almost-kiss. “And where I don’t have amnesia and lie to you and make you look like an idiot.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

Derek’s tired of the apologies and looking at Stiles, he knew he was too. But there was a lot of hurt and broken trust on both their ends, a lot of trampling on one another’s feelings, and he knew it would take a bit of time for them to get over this, to move past the hurt they’ve done to each other and the other person had done to them.

“Thanks for coming back for me,” Stiles said. “And staying this time.”

“Thank you for letting me in,” Derek said. “And letting me love you again.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Stiles’ smiled was blinding and Derek smiled back.

But they loved other and that was enough. That was a start.

Derek used the key to let himself in, balancing the bags of groceries in one arm. He almost tripped at the shoes on the hallway and sighed.

“Stiles, shoes in the hall closet, remember?”

“Oops! Sorry!” Stiles called out from somewhere inside the house.

Derek passed by the living room where Stiles was on the couch and typing on his laptop, glasses haphazard on his face. He tilted his head back against the arm of the couch and Derek leaned down for an upside down kiss. Or two. Or five.

“I got groceries,” he said

“You’re awesome,” Stiles said, smiling. “And I’m sorry about the shoes.”

Derek nuzzled their noses together sweetly and walked off, dropping everything in the kitchen. He could hear Stiles stand up and pad along after him.

“How’s your fourth novel going?” Derek asked as he started putting everything away.

Stiles scrunched up his face, placing his laptop on the counter. “Fine. But I was wondering if you can read the new draft before bed. Oh, and your Mom called me, for the umpteenth time, asking if we already booked the tickets to New York next week for her birthday and I love her, you know I do, but I went ahead and emailed her the receipts so she’ll believe it. And my Dad’s still stressing about leaving for a week, as if his deputies will let people start having naked parties on the street if he wasn’t there. Honestly. And he wants you to drop by tomorrow. You know how he is about packing and being prepared.”

Derek laughed. He let Stiles’ words wash over him, nodding and responding at the right places. It took them a little over a year before they decided to live together – and Derek was the one who asked this time – and the past months have been nothing short of amazing.

“I love you,” Derek suddenly said, just because he could and he wanted to and it was true. He watched Stiles scratch his nose, almost making his glasses tumble off his face, and type with lightning speed with one hand.

“Love you too, babe,” Stiles said, half-distracted. “And Laura, Allison, and Erica are planning to go shopping, as if they won’t find everything they need at New York anyway, so we’re babysitting Nathan on Friday. And Scott’s coming over then too so we need to order thrice the amount of pizzas.”

Derek looked over at Stiles, wondering how he could have ever been scared of this. He would always, always regret that decision to leave and all that heartache and pain that followed, and he knew that on his worst days, Stiles also felt more than a bit guilty for playing a dishonest card. But despite all that, Derek was glad they somehow managed to end up here, together.

Because right here, right now, with Stiles.

Derek was home.