Archive of Our Own ^beta

One day Kuroo walked into the bedroom he shared with Kenma. Kenma was laying on the bed in sexy underwear, as he always does, because he’s kind of a slut but Kuroo loves it. The bed is shaped like a heart, which is kind of uncomfortable, but Kenma insisted because of the Aesthetic. Kenma looked up from the super intellectual game he was playing on his handheld.
“Hello Kuroo,” he purred, and Kuroo almost got an instant boner, but then he thought “not today” and just like that his dick calmed down. Magical dick. He has a quest and he must complete that quest.
“Hello Kenma,” he replied, voice weak because Kenma just looked that sexy. “I have a surprise for you.”
“Really?” asked Kenma, gazing at the cat carrier Kuroo held in his hand. “I wonder what it could be.”
A meow came from the carrier, and Kuroo screeched all the swear words he knew in his head because damn, he wanted to surprise Kenma, but before he could do anything Kenma had magically teleported himself across the room and was kneeling before him, gazing into the carrier. His attention was on the cat inside the carrier, but it took all the magic in Kuroo’s magic dick not to get a boner right then and there and rip his pants open with his jumbo dick.
Kenma opened the carrier and took the cat, which looked suspiciously like him with the coloring and the super bored eyes and all, except it was wearing a tuxedo which Kenma would never wear because Kuroo is the Man in the relationship and Kenma is the Trophy Wife.
“He’s so beautiful,” Kenma whispered, transporting himself back to the bed magically and curling up with the cat. Kuroo rushed into the bathroom because it was just so sexy and all the magic in his dick had run out and he needed to jizz.

Fast forward to 2 weeks later. Kuroo hasn’t gotten any since the cat arrived. His magical dick aches. Kenma cuddles the cat all day.
“Please,” he begs. “It hurts. Ride me like a pony, please.”
“No,” Kenma whispered. “I only have time for the cat.”

Two months later, Kenma kicked him out of the house.
“My heart belongs only to the cat,” he screeched. “Not you and your magical jumbo dick!”
Kuroo knew that for the rest of his days he would regret bringing home that tuxedo cat.