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Chapter Text

These were exactly the sort of conversations Isak hated.

Nothing had been said directly to him.  No one had asked him something that he had to frantically come up with a lie to answer with.

And yet.

The boys were talking about some party they’d been at last night, and Magnus was talking about some girl he’d heard about.

“You know there’s a first year girl who’s part succubus?” He asked, breaking the easy quiet they’d been walking to school in.

“And?” Mahdi squinted across at him suspiciously.

“Well, it’s almost like a done deal, isn’t it?  She’s part succubus, she must love hooking up!”

Magnus’ explanation was immediately met with groans.

“Dude, you can’t say that.” Jonas shook his head in disbelief.

“Why not?!” Magnus looked between them all with wide eyes.  “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Man, that’s like when people used to talk about all omegas being wet needy bitches.” Mahdi tutted.

And for a split second, Isak’s muscles tightened almost painfully.

He knew it was stupid.  He knew that no one would point him out as an omega in a room full of people, especially not when he was taking suppressants twice a day that had him happily passing as a beta, but whenever someone mentioned omegas his stomach clenched with anxiety anyway.

“You can’t just assume that shit about people.” Mahdi continued.  “Just because someone’s got homo-exquis genetics doesn’t mean they’re not still human.  Right, Isak?” Mahdi turned to him for back up and Isak’s brain scrambled for a response.

“Exactly.” He agreed.  “Besides, there’s no genetics in the world that’ll make anyone want to hook up with you, Mags.” Isak clapped Magnus on the shoulder in faux-sympathy as they walked into school.  Around him, Jonas and Mahdi snorted with laughter while Magnus tried to protest that plenty of girls had wanted to hook up with him.

“Sure, sure.” Jonas nodded patronisingly along with Magnus’ regaling of some old flame.

“Fuck, don’t say it like that!” Magnus huffed.  “You wouldn’t get it; you’re an alpha.  Girls go crazy for that stuff.”

“Please.” Isak rolled his eyes.  “Who wants some hot-headed alpha male?  That shit’s just for those cheap romance novels they sell at the airport.”

“Besides, girls love me because I actually know my way around a vagina.  Unlike some of us here…” Jonas trailed off pointedly, his head rolling on his neck to look over at Magnus.

Whatever Magnus was going to say in retaliation was drowned out by the shrill screech of the school bells, and Isak had never been more grateful to have to go to class.

“I’ll see you guys later, yeah?” Isak checked as he started to back away to go to history.  Once everyone nodded and mumbled about getting a table in the canteen Isak turned down the corridor, but a second later something occurred to him.

“Hey, Mags,” Isak turned and looked over his shoulder.  “Try not to offend anyone else between now and first break, yeah?” He suggested with a grin.

And with those parting words he left Magnus huffing behind him and made his way to class.

***

History was, without a doubt, one of Isak’s least favourite lessons.  Especially now that this term’s topic was focused homo-exquis’.

There was something unsettling about being taught that branch of history by a human.

It was pretty obvious that the curriculum had been written by a human; there were questions like what do you think of the presence of succubi in the sex worker trade and is it ethical for succubi to use their genetics for monetary gain? and where do alpha/omega dynamics fit into our society now that we are striving for gender equality?

And Isak’s personal favourite that he had read in the textbook: do you think homo-exquis’ should be registered and known to their community for communal safety?

Clearly whoever had devised this curriculum hadn’t thought about it actually being delivered to hom-ex students.  It was right up there with the uncomfortable lesson where the literacy teacher had asked everyone what their thoughts on domestic violence were and had them stand at one end of the class or the other if they thought it was acceptable or not after reading a book passage where a man had mentioned beating his wife and child.

Isak wondered how that first year girl Magnus had mentioned would feel in a year’s time when she was taking this class and had to read about succubi like that.  It actually made him feel a little sad.

He snapped himself out of it quickly, though.  The teacher had already come down on him like a ton of bricks once that week about not paying attention during class; he wasn’t particularly keen on another dose of public humiliation.

So that’s how Isak found himself forcing his eyes to focus on the board, and his ears to listen to the teacher’s droning voice, and his hand to write out notes on the omega rights movement.

Records of  omegas taking suppressant drugs to curb their omega instincts and scent date back to the early 70s.  These drugs were illegalised in 1992 after extensive medical research showed that they had numerous physical and psychological risks.  Before suppressants, many historic omega accounts mention eating certain foods to alter their scent to hide from predatory alphas.

 Early 2000s saw the start of the new era omega right movement.  Demands included: easier access to birth control after the discontinuation of suppressants, better omega health care, and more respect for omega autonomy.

Rage prickled under Isak’s skin as he wrote.

What did this guy know about how difficult it was to be an omega?  He was standing up there talking about it all like it was nothing; as if people hadn’t died just because they were omegas.

What right did a homosapien have to talk about homo-exquis history as if it was completely removed from the lives of the students he was teaching it to?  Isak knew that there were at least two other hom-ex’s in his history class: the girl who sat next to him was part sprite, and there was a boy who sat at the back who was telekinetic.

Why did homosapiens think that they were so separate to hom-ex’s?  It wasn’t like they were segregated any more, so why did Isak still have to endure bullshit classes like this?  Bullshit classes that talked as if everything was great now and everyone was equal, when they weren’t.

Isak wouldn’t have illegal suppressants hidden under his bed and burning a hole through his stomach if everything was sunshine and rainbows.

The world was still a shit place.

Omegas still got harassed and treated like nothing more than breeding machines.  But, hey, at least you didn’t have to have an alpha sign for your birth control any more!

Big fucking deal, right?

Isak could still remember the day he presented.  He had been fourteen, just a breath away from turning fifteen, and he had woken up from a wet dream way wetter than normal.  At first he thought he’d wet himself, but when he threw the cover off and saw the slick coating his thighs and making his boxers all tacky his stomach had dropped through the floor.

Honestly, he’d rather have wet himself.

The fear that cut through him that morning was the most visceral thing he had ever experienced.  He had watched his mother, an unmated omega, fall apart because she didn’t have an alpha taking care of her.  He had heard stories of omegas going out and getting raped or kidnapped and sold into the market as nothing more than a breeding machine or a wet hole to fuck.

Isak had known he was going to present as something; his mother came from a long line of wolf genes, his father being human wasn’t going to counter that.  But, fuck, Isak hadn’t wanted to be an omega.

No one in their right mind wanted to be an omega.

He never expected to be an alpha; he had never been particularly aggressive, but he did have enough stubbornness in him to rival an alpha.  Isak had been realistic and prepared himself for the safe life of a beta.

But no.

Life would never be that easy for Isak Valtersen.

***

After enduring an hour of listening to a hom-sap preach about how good things had got for hom-ex’s in the last twenty years, Isak’s day got a lot better.  He found out he’d aced his chemistry test, then he had art with Jonas (basically just an hour of messing around), and then they had met up with the boys for lunch.

It was a good day, really.

Sure, Isak’s stomach felt a little sour when he ate his lunch.  His suppressants didn’t really agree with food, but if that was the price he had to pay for a nice neutral scent and no thousand year old instinct in his head telling him to show his throat to a big strong alpha, then he’d deal with it.

The rest of his classes after lunch felt like a blur.  Each tick of the second hand felt like a grate against every single one of his nerves, reminding him with each tiny movement that soon soon soon he’d get to see his mother.

“Isak, bro, we’re going to McDonald’s and then chilling at Jonas’; you in?” Magnus appeared out of nowhere as Isak walked out of his last class, his arm suddenly looped around Isak’s neck.

“Fuck, dude, don’t do that!” Isak jerked back in surprise, pushing Magnus’ arm away from his neck.  “One day you’re gonna give me a heart attack.” Isak muttered as he and Magnus walked into the courtyard and met the other boys.

“Magnus explained the plan to you, yeah?” Mahdi checked when they all met in the middle.

“Of course I did!” Magnus puffed his chest out indignantly.

“Yeah, your messenger bird got to me.” Isak teased.  “I’m gonna have to bail though, sorry.  Next time.” He added promisingly.

“What!  Why?” Magnus squawked.

“I promised I’d have dinner with my mum.” Isak shrugged.  He glanced over at Jonas who shot him back a subtle nod.  Jonas was the only one who knew about the mess of his family situation.  Mostly because he’d been there when Isak had watched his mother fall apart at the seams.

“No worries.  Next time.” Jonas agreed.  He leaned over and pulled Isak into a bro hug before telling the others they should make a move if they wanted to beat the rush of other students with the same idea of fast food.  Isak said his goodbyes to the boys and watched them walk off before he made his way to the tram stop.

He both loved and hated visiting his mother.

The assisted living community was great; it had done wonders for her in the short time she had been there.  She had her independence, but Isak also didn’t have to worry about her being alone and hurting herself or anyone else.

But fuck if it didn’t break his heart to see her in that place.

He always spent the journey across town experiencing an unpleasant mix of nervous dread and excitement, and today was no exception.  His knee bounced up and down and he tapped his hand against his leg, but nothing helped quell the anxiety bubbling in his veins.

His heart was still hammering as he walked through the front doors and signed into the visitors log.  One of the nicer ladies was behind the reception today and she gave him a warm smile as she passed him over a visitor badge.

“Good to see you, Isak.” She smiled.  “I think your mum’s in the garden.” She added helpfully and Isak smiled weakly in thanks before making his way outside.  His mum had always had a green thumb; when she had stopped looking after their garden back home, that was when Isak had realised something was really up with her.

That was almost a year ago now.  It was kind of terrifying how quickly life was slipping past him; it was like trying to keep water cupped in your hands.

Isak let himself into the communal garden, and sure enough his mother was fussing over one of the flower beds.  She looked so focused that Isak almost considered not going over, but it had been almost a fortnight now since his last visit and guilt was eating him from the inside out.

“Hi, mama.” He put a smile on, trying not to show how much the place unsettled him, and sat on the bench next to the bed she was working on.

“Isak!” The way her face lit up when she saw him made his chest ache.  She used to always look like that, smiley and happy and bright, before his dad had decided that a “crazy hom-ex” was too much to deal with and walked out on her.

“Hi.” Isak wrapped his arms around her tightly as she came and sat next to him.  She smelt like soil and earth and flowers, and it was still the most grounding and comforting scent Isak knew.  It was like being thrown back into his childhood when he would press his face into her neck when he got tired and they were huddled together on the sofa at the end of the day.

“I’ve missed you, baby.” Marianne kissed the top of his head and, for a few seconds, Isak forgot about how bad it could get.  He forgot about the days when she heard voices or was convinced her doctor was trying to kill her or that she’d heard God in the patterns on the flowers.  The days when she was medicated up to her eyeballs and didn’t even recognise him were a million miles from his mind.

He forgot about all of that because, right there and then, his mother missed him.

“I missed you too, mama.” He unwrapped his arms from around her waist and sat back against the bench with his arms spread either side of him along the back of the bench.  Posturing like an alpha, he couldn’t help but notice as he realised quite how much space he was taking up.

For a second he thought about making himself smaller, but he fought off that instinct.  He was as entitled to man-spread as anyone else, dammit.

Isak spent the next hour on a hard bench, talking to his mother like nothing had changed.  He told her how school was going and how his flatmates were getting on, and in return she talked about some of the other residents and indulged him in some of the gossip going around.  It warmed Isak’s heart to see her so chatty.

But soon enough she started yawning, and Isak started thinking about the homework sat waiting in his backpack and Isak reluctantly said his goodbyes.  They stood up and Isak pulled her into another hug, because there was no telling when he’d be able to do it next, and felt a pang of sadness for the days when she was the taller one.

Now he was so much taller than her and she looked so frail and he felt like everything rested on his shoulders.  His mother didn’t even reach his shoulders.

He handed his visitor badge back into reception and promised his mum that he’d be back soon, and his heart felt heavier than ever as he left her behind.

Isak knew two things for sure in life:

• he was going to get his mum out of assisted living and back into her own house if it killed him, and
• he was never going to give an alpha the chance to tear his life apart and leave him a broken husk of an omega like his dad had left his mother

Chapter Text

Saturday rolled around like it always did, and Isak had no intention of being awake before noon or doing anything before going out to the house party Mahdi had got them into.

His roommate, however, had other ideas.

Isak was in the middle of a confusing dream where he was trying to find his way out of his primary school when Eskild burst into the room and scared the ever loving shit out of him.  He jolted awake; his body still tightly in the grip of sleep paralysis and his heart trying to burst straight out of his ribcage, and cursed the universe for making his roommate a fucking morning person.

“Whatthefuck, ’skild?” Isak slurred with his face still half pressed into the pillow.  His mouth still felt slack with sleep and his brain felt ten steps behind what was currently happening.  He couldn’t be entirely sure he was even alive at that point, but there Eskild was brighter than the fucking sun and babbling at a million miles a minute.

“Come on!  Up, up, up!” Eskild clapped his hand to emphasis each word and Isak just groaned in response.  “I know you don’t have plans today, Isak, and this pit needs to be cleaned!”

“It can wait.” Isak mumbled.  He groped around for his phone and squinted at the time, feeling more than horrified when the numbers 10.36 stared back up at him.  “It’s the middle of the night, Eskild.” He dropped his phone back down next to his bed and tried to roll over, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep again now.

“Isak!  No.  I love you; why do you think I’m doing this?” And, with no further ado, he whipped the duvet right off of Isak’s cosy body.

“Eskild!” He shouted, finally admitting defeat and struggling into a sitting position.  “What if I slept naked?!” He demanded.

Eskild outright laughed at that.

“Well, for one it wouldn’t be anything I hadn’t seen before.  And two: you’re too shy to sleep naked.  So get up!  We’re cleaning this toxic wasteland and improving your quality of life by at least 60%!” And then Eskild had his hand around Isak’s wrist and was forcibly removing him from the quickly fading warmth of his own bed on a god damn Saturday morning.

“This is why no one likes the fae.” Isak grumbled, pulling some shorts on over his boxers and the closest shirt he could see.

“Haven’t I taught you anything, Isak?  You can’t lump us all together like that.” Eskild clicked his tongue disapprovingly.  “Besides, I’m only part pixie so don’t try to make this an exquis thing!”

“It’s too early for this.” Isak groaned.  What had he done to deserve to be awake this early on a Saturday?  Didn’t he suffer enough?

Eskild apparently didn’t think so, because no matter how much Isak groused about it he refused to let him out of this unexpected cleaning spree.  He kept repeating that he was only doing this because he loved him, but Isak was sure that no one who loved him would interrupt his sleep like that.

But – grudgingly – he could see where Eskild was coming from.  His room did tend to look like a bomb had gone off; mostly because Isak always prioritised other things (like sleep or schoolwork or partying) over tidying up.

So that’s how he ended up spending a random October Saturday sluggishly doing his laundry (clothes, sheets, towels: the lot) and cleaning up his mess.  Hell, he even hoovered.

Once Eskild deemed it ‘no longer a health hazard to live in’, Isak had a quick shower and flopped back down onto his bed.  He allowed himself a few minutes to enjoy the feeling of clean sheets before getting down to business.

He leaned carefully over the edge of his bed and reached underneath for the small baggy he had wedged between the slats supporting his mattress.  He pulled it out carefully and brought it onto the bed, shooting a quick glance at his mostly closed door before he opened it.

He only had one pill left.

Isak fucking hated cutting it so fine.

He had messaged Eli at the beginning of the week to remind him that the month was almost over so they were due another appointment.  He wasn’t stupid enough to flat out say hey you owe me more of those illegal omega suppressants in a text; if anyone read his messages they’d just assume that once a month he and Eli get together and Isak could probably deal with that.

Eli, being the dick that he was, had said that he was going to be at the same party as Isak on Saturday night and that they could just do it then rather than Eli try to fit Isak into his ‘busy schedule’.  Isak had tried to change his mind, but when Eli got an idea into his head that was it.

So Isak had no choice but to go along with it and buy his suppressants in the middle of some third year’s house party.  Not only that, but seeing as he had to take one pill twice a day twelve hours apart he was going to have to casually pop a pill at the party too.  All he could hope was that no would catch him and think he was popping fucking molly or something and asked him to share.

Isak was stressed just thinking about it.

***

He had been at the party for over an hour now, and there had been no sign of Eli amongst the throngs of people pulsing throughout the house.  Isak had been drinking with the boys since they got there and he’d had a few hits from the bong being passed around, but anxiety still crackled along his skin uncomfortably.  He just wanted this meeting with Eli over and done with so he could forget about it for another month.

There was also the fact that if he didn’t take a suppressant in the next forty minutes then he was fucked.  Realistically he knew that missing one pill or the timing being off wasn’t going to suddenly send him into a heat and have him wet and wide for an alpha; the most that was likely to happen was that his real scent started coming through.

Sometimes that felt terrifying enough though.

All it would take was one keen nosed wolf to out him as an omega, just from his natural scent.

So Isak needed his pills from Eli.

He made some excuse to the boys – who were too busy trying to get Magnus a girl to really notice – and did another circuit check of the house.  He’d done the first check when they first arrived, claiming he was looking for the kitchen and the booze, and then another check about half an hour after that when he went to the toilet.

Neither search had resulted in Eli handing him a baggy of suppressants.

The third search went just as badly.  He walked in on no less than three separate couples in varying states of undress and one guy vomiting in the bath tub, but no Eli in sight.  Defeated, Isak went back downstairs into the kitchen and got himself another beer.  He cracked it open and stared moodily out of the kitchen window, trying to figure out which emotion was stronger: his sense of self pity or his annoyance at Eli.

And then, as if Isak had willed him into existence, he caught sight of Eli in the garden.

The fucking garden.  In October.  Isak couldn’t be blamed for not thinking of looking there, for fuck’s sake.  He abandoned his beer on the counter and went outside.  He didn’t even feel the cold as he made a beeline directly to Eli.

Normally he wouldn’t be so blatant about it, but there were only a couple of other people outside and they were all busy smoking quickly so they can get back inside to the warmth.  No one at some third year party was going to give him a second glance, so it didn’t matter if he was obvious about it.

“Eli.” He greeted coolly once he got close enough.  “Was beginning to think you weren’t here.” Isak mirrored Eli’s stance and leaned against the tree next to Eli.

“Aw, you miss me, Issy-poo?” Eli cooed patronisingly, blowing smoke into Isak’s face.  It wasn’t Isak’s first go round though; he didn’t even blink at the smoke.

“Not even a little bit.” Isak replied flatly.

“You wound me.” Eli raised his hand to his chest as if Isak had shot him through the heart, smoke unfurling slowly from the end of his cigarette.

“Do you have them or not, Eli?” Isak asked quietly, too tired to prolong this exchange.  He just wanted to get his drugs and go, why was that too much to ask?

“What no foreplay?” Eli teased.  When Isak just stood and stared at him, unimpressed to say the least, Eli rolled his eyes and rummaged through his bag until he had the usual plastic film bag filled with suppressants and mints.

“Best mints in the country.  Got the money?” All trace of humour was gone then, as was often the way when money got involved.  They didn’t say a word as they exchanged goods; Eli did a quick count of his money and Isak did a quick check that there was more than just the cover-up mints in the bag.

“See you in a month.” Eli smirked.  Isak just gave him a curt nod and retreated back into the house, the baggy feeling heavy in his backpack.  There weren’t many individuals he could say he hated, but Eli Selman was one of them.  Actually, he was probably at the top of the list.

The worst part was that Isak couldn’t even be mad about it, because he did need Eli.  He would be seeing him again in a month, because no one else sold suppressants.  They were illegal, and the repercussions of being caught selling them were so severe that not many people took the risk.

Essentially, Isak was stuck with Eli forever.

And fuck if that wasn’t the most depressing thought he had had all day.

Isak went back into the kitchen and got himself a stronger drink, intending to hide away somewhere for a little while to feel sorry for himself.  The kitchen was deserted so Isak quickly took a pill out of the bag and necked it with a mouthful of vodka, trying not to pull a face at the bad taste as he shoved the bag back inside his backpack.

Sometimes, Isak wondered what it would be like to not have to take two pills a day to not have to worry about his exquis presentation.  Those thoughts always depressed the fuck out of him.  Mostly because he knew it wasn’t possible.  The world was never going to be a safe place for an omega, and if he outed himself that’s all he would be seen as.  He wouldn’t be Isak any more; he’d just be ‘Isak that omega lad’ and he didn’t want that.

There were almost no omegas in the medical research field, the field Isak wanted to go into, and he knew it would hurt his chances of getting in if they knew he was an omega.

So: on the suppressants he’d be staying.

For some reason tonight that thought felt a lot heavier than usual.  Isak sank down onto the floor with the bottle of vodka, resting his back against a cupboard door and pulling his knees up to his chest.  Miserable thoughts kept swirling around his brain like nettles caught in a breeze.  Every time he felt the sting he countered it with a long pull from the vodka bottle.

Very rarely, when he was alone and feeling hopeless, Isak would think about it.  About what it would be like to come off suppressants and find a mate and settle down and get himself a nice mating bite to show off on his throat.  He almost never indulged in those thoughts, though, because it hurt his heart and made him feel a little bit sick.

He didn’t need anyone.  He didn’t need some alpha to come along and claim him and bite him and look after him; Isak was more than capable of looking after himself, thank you very much.

He took an extra long swig from the bottle to try to drown those stupid thoughts of his head.  His life wasn’t some trashy exquis love story; no one was going to swoop in and change his life and suddenly make him want to be an omega.  He wasn’t going to end his story barefoot and pregnant and gagging for a knot; that just wasn’t him.

Isak was just beginning to realise how much vodka he’d drunk when abruptly a pair of denim-clad knees appeared in front of him.

“You were just outside talking to Eli, right?” The knees asked.

Holy shit.

That was the sexiest voice Isak had ever heard.

It was so sexy, in fact, that Isak’s brain temporarily short circuited.  He cursed himself for soaking his brain in something that was almost 50% proof right before talking to, what he suspected was going to be, an incredibly good looking guy.  If the guy looked as good as his voice sounded then Isak – in his drunk and a little bit high state – might just cry.

He tilted his head back against the cupboard and the breath died in his throat.

The guy was gorgeous.

He was tall – maybe even taller than Isak – and the way his hair was styled probably gave him a few extra inches of height on top of that.  Isak was actually sort of impressed by the guy’s hair seeing as he could never be bothered to do more than wash his own hair.

When Isak’s brain finally processed what the guy had said his blood ran colder than liquid nitrogen.

“I know Eli, yeah.” Isak said carefully.

“Look, cards on the table: I saw you two outside.  I know he gave you something.” The stranger replied, leaning against the counter and looking down at Isak.  Isak wished he wasn’t sat on the floor so he didn’t feel quite so vulnerable.

Before he could really begin to freak himself out about what the stranger was implying, the guy continued.

“This is my friend’s house.  Could you, like, not do hard drugs in here?  He doesn’t need that shit tied back to him.”

Oh, thank fuck.

“Y-yeah, of course not.  No worries.” Isak nodded quickly.  His heart felt like he’d just run a marathon; this guy had only been in the kitchen for a minute and he’d already almost given Isak a heart attack.

“Good.” The guy nodded.  He looked Isak over again.  “So you’ll be free to come outside and share a smoke with me then.” He didn’t phrase it like a question, but Isak was too surprised to comment on it.

“I- what?” Was the best response that Isak’s liquor soaked brain could come up with.

“You heard.” The guy tilted his chin up at him slightly in a nod and Isak had to force himself to stop staring at the pale column of his throat.  Before Isak could think of something to say – like: I don’t know you or my mother told me not to talk to strangers especially not strangers offering me substances – the guy was turning around and walking back into the garden.

Isak barely had time to appreciate the view of his ass in those denim jeans before he was gone from Isak’s line of sight.

A few beats of silence dragged by before Isak was scrambling to his feet to follow him.

Chapter Text

The thing is: Isak had known he was gay since he was 6½ years old.

It hadn’t been a shock discovery after he hit puberty or a sudden realisation in the middle of a party; it had been a part of him for almost as long as he could remember.

A quiet, unspoken, part of him for the most part.  It was only after he presented that it hit him like a freight train.  He was a gay omega.  A gay male omega.  Twice the opportunities for hate crimes! had been one of the first delirious thoughts to cross his mind that morning.

By the evening he had contacted Eli and he was buying his first bag of suppressants.

Not long after that he had come out to Jonas.

He knew he’d been acting weirdly after he presented, but there was no way in hell he was going to tell his best friend – his alpha best friend – that he had presented as an omega.  So he had come out to Jonas as gay.  He had explained some of his worries and how he’d known for so long that he was gay, and Jonas had been nothing but accepting.

Hell, most people who knew Isak was gay had been pretty chill about it.  He knew, though, that it was because everyone assumed he was a beta.  A gay beta wasn’t particularly interesting or gossip-worthy, but a gay omega?  That was like something straight out of some fetish porn.

Isak couldn’t remember, in the over ten years he had known he was gay, wanting someone as badly as he wanted this guy he was following out into the garden.  When Isak’s legs – wobbly from alcohol – finally got him outside he found the stranger sat alone on the porch steps.  There was a joint dangling from those plush lips, and he had one of his big hands sheltering the end of the joint so he could light up.

Isak wanted to know what those hands would feel like circling his hips, pulling him down into his lap and letting him do all the work until-

“Hey.” The stranger seemed to know it was Isak before Isak even announced himself.

“Hey.” Isak parroted, carefully lowering himself down so he could sit next to the most beautiful person in the whole world.  There was no way this guy didn’t have exquis genes; no hom-sap could be that beautiful.  Maybe he was part veela?  Shit, Isak was more than ready to believe that this boy was an actual angel.

Although what Isak would let that boy do to him wasn’t very angelic.

“You want some?” The boy offered the successfully lit joint over to him.

And who was Isak to say no to such a pretty face?

He accepted the joint and took a long pull; holding it in his chest as he passed it back and only exhaling the smoke when the boy took his own hit.

“So you only have a problem with hard drugs, huh?” smoke unfurled from his mouth as he spoke, and Isak found himself grinning through the haze.

“Hard stuff will fuck you up.” God, I wish, Isak thought wistfully, his mind wandering back to the guy’s huge hands. “No one ever died from smoking a bit of jay.”

“True.” Isak nodded, accepting the joint as it was offered back to him.

“So, do you have a name?  Or will I just have to remember you as the stoner who almost passed out drunk in my friend’s kitchen?” There was a teasing tone to his voice, but Isak wasn’t having that.

“I’m the stoner in this story?  You’re the one offering some stranger pot!” Isak protested, almost choking on smoke in his indignation.

“Yeah, the name’s Even; nice to meet you.” The guy held out his hand to shake and Isak shook it in a daze.

Even.

The angel’s name was Even.

“Even.” Isak repeated, because his brain couldn’t get enough of it.  “I’m Isak.” He said after a few seconds of silence.

“Isak.” Even nodded.  “So, Isak; how does a pretty boy like you know a scumbag like Eli?” He asked, handing the joint back over.

“You think I’m pretty?” Was all Isak’s drunk and hazy brain could come up with. Even laughed next to him, and the sound lit up Isak’s whole world.  He liked making Even laugh; he already wanted to do it again.

“Isak, I think you might be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Even smiled, but there was something so intense in those blue eyes when he looked at Isak.  Isak was helpless to do anything but gaze back at him.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Isak whispered; the filter between his brain and his mouth well and truly obliterated.  Why did Isak have to be so fucking drunk for this meeting?

Even’s eyes darkened a little at Isak’s statement, and all Isak could do was stare in amazement at the specimen in front of him.  He wanted to kiss him so badly.  He wanted to see if Even tasted as sweet as his words sounded.

“Give me your phone.” Even sounded so authoritative; his voice smooth and calm and Isak found himself handing his phone over to a complete stranger without question. It was only after the weight of his phone vanished from his hand that he realised that might have been a stupid idea.

“Why- why do you want it?” Isak’s tongue stumbled over the words, his brain a few steps behind.

“Because this is not going to be the only time I see you.” Even sounded so sure about it.  Isak watched curiously as Even tapped away at the screen for a few seconds before handing Isak his phone back.

“Text me when you’re not completely wasted, yeah?” Even leaned over and slipped Isak’s phone into the pocket on the front of his jeans and Isak would have been embarrassed about how his dick twitched hopefully if he wasn’t so cross faded.

Even was so close to him still.  Isak could see each individual eyelash framing those stunning eyes.  He could count the freckles scattered across Even’s marble-white skin.  He could feel each little puff of air against his skin when Even exhaled.

Isak couldn’t be held responsible for his actions.

He closed the infinitesimal distance between them and pressed his lips to Even’s. Feeling those full chapped lips against his felt like a religious experience.  Isak knew he probably tasted like shitty vodka and weed, but Even licked into his mouth anyway.

Isak was pretty sure he saw god behind his closed eyelids, kissing Even.

His hands reached up of their own accord and tangled in the fabric of Even’s denim jacket, keeping Even exactly where he was.  Even grinned against his lips and surged forwards, kissing Isak like his very life depended on being able to describe the taste of Isak’s mouth and the texture of his tongue.

Isak had never kissed someone with so much fervour.

He kept pulling Even closer and closer and closer, until his drunken equilibrium gave up on keeping him sat up and he ended up lying back on the porch and tugging Even on top of him.

It felt so good.  Even was a solid weight on top of him; hot and heavy and absolutely everything Isak wanted.  It was only when Isak’s shaking legs wrapped around Even’s waist and his hips stuttered up helplessly that Even broke their kiss.

“Why did you have to be so drunk?” Even groaned, pulling back.  It was undoubtedly the worst feeling in the world: feeling Even pull away from him.  Isak tightened his legs around Even’s waist stubbornly, but Even was stronger than Isak in his drunken state and he broke free easily.

“Come back.” Isak whined.  His head felt so cloudy and he hated it.  He did like kissing Even, though.  Clearly that was the solution.

“Call me when you’re sober, beautiful.” Even ghosted a kiss over Isak’s lips and Isak desperately tried to catch the boy’s lips in a proper kiss before they were gone.

And suddenly Even was gone completely, leaving Isak half hard and wholly disappointed.

Why did the universe keep stomping on his dreams?

***

Isak had absolutely no idea how he got home that night, but he woke up mid-afternoon on Sunday feeling like he’d been put through a meat grinder.  The first thing he did when he woke up was check his bag to be sure he actually had got his suppressants from Eli.

He had.

After taking his first pill of the day, he lay back in bed tried to remember anything from the night before.  He remembered dancing, and trying to hook Magnus up, and drinking a lot of cheap vodka.

When a messy tangle of memories of making out with a hot stranger on some third year’s porch came back to him, Isak pulled his pillow over his face and attempted to smother the embarrassment right out of his system.  Why did he turn into such a mess when he passed a certain level of drunk?

It had been so long since he’d got any action; he was honestly amazed that he hadn’t come on the spot just from that guy’s tongue in his mouth.

And wasn’t that just the most embarrassing thing?

When the smothering technique proved unsuccessful, Isak rolled over and got his phone out of his jeans on the bedroom floor.  There were a ton of notifications, mostly from the squad’s group chat.  Isak took a long breath in to brace himself for whatever was about to come.

Jonas (23.47) 
where did you go?????

Mahdi (23.55) 
probably went off to get laid lol chill

Mahdi (3.37) 
Isak, you owe us for getting your drunk ass home tonight

Magnus (3.39) 
I’ve never seen him that drunk haha

Jonas (3.39) 
think his hangover will be punishment enough tbh
but I wouldn’t say no to him paying for the next McDonald’s run

Mahdi (3.41) 
sounds good

Magnus (3.45) 
how hot was that guy though

Mahdi (3.46) 
it’s too early for this, Mags

Jonas (3.46) 
he was pretty good looking yeah
fuck knows how Isak managed to pull that ;)

Magnus (3.47) 
ohhhhhhhhh damn!

Mahdi (3.48) 
lol Jonas
I’m going to sleep, long night. catch you losers tomorrow

Magnus (3.49) 
yeah I just got home too
it really did take forever getting Isak home

Jonas (3.50) 
later Mahdi
and yeah, we probably would have been faster stealing that wheelbarrow you saw and shoving him in that

Magnus (3.52) 
told you!!!

There was nothing more after that, which Isak assumed meant everyone had fallen asleep.  His face was burning after reading all those messages.  He definitely owed his friends something.

Isak (14.27) 
were you really gonna put me in a wheelbarrow??? :(

He was about to exit out of the group when something in his brain clicked and he frantically typed out another message.

Isak (14.29) 
wait what guy?

He waited for someone to reply, but everyone seemed to be offline.  Probably still asleep, like Isak wished he was.  Resigned to the fact that no one was going to answer him for a few hours, Isak decided to check his social media for any clues.

He hadn’t been tagged in any photos, which was always a good sign after being that drunk, or mentioned in any statuses. Cautiously, he decided that he was safe and clicked out of everything.

There was only one notification left.

Someone had sent him a text.  Not a facebook message, or a snapchat message, or a whatsapp message, but a good old fashioned text message.  Isak assumed it would be one of his parents, but when he opened the text app he almost choked on his tongue in surprise at the name along the top of the conversation.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (1.55)
hey it’s Even, hope you don’t mind that I told your friends where you were
you were pretty fucked up
didn’t want you to get hurt trying to get home like that :(
and it probably would have been weird for me to take you home right????

Isak’s eyes were practically bugging out of his head.  Could this be any more humiliating?  Not only had he thrown himself at this guy, but he’d been so out of it that the guy sought out Isak’s friends to take him home.

Could Isak even show his face in public again after this?  He was more than willing to start his hermit life right there and then.

He took a deep breath and shakily typed out a reply.

Isak (14.51)
hi Even, I’m so sorry about last nigh
probably not how you wanted to spend your Saturday night, dealing with some random drunk guy
thanks for getting the guys. think I got home in one piece

Isak’s heart was beating so fast.  He only had blurry memories of making out with Even, and he was pretty sure that in his sober state Even wouldn’t be as good looking as Isak’s dramatic drunk brain had made him out to be, but they were still better than some of the counters he had a clear recollection of.

Which was pretty depressing, really.

Isak tossed his phone onto the bed and rubbed his face tiredly.  His nose crinkled in disgust when he felt the sweat and oil rub off, and he quickly decided it was time to take a shower.

Maybe he could wash the embarrassment off.

***

Isak turned his phone off after texting Even.  He really didn’t want to learn any more about what he’d been up to at that party, but mostly he needed to focus on his homework for a few hours.

Sunday night faded into Monday morning and Isak put all his energy into trying to get some sleep rather than turn his phone back on, so when he rocked up at school on Monday morning he was tired and cranky and out of the loop with whatever might have happened in his absence from the group chat.

It didn’t help that the first thing he had seen when he turned his phone on during the tram ride to school was his news app telling him that a young nymph male had died after a jilted hom-sap ex cut down the tree his spirit was tied to. In all honesty, it made Isak want to turn his phone off and go back to bed.  Since that wasn’t an option, he settled for muting his phone and shoving it back in his bag before any other bad news could be delivered to him.

So he wasn’t exactly in the mood for Magnus to come at him in the courtyard looking more excited than Isak could remember seeing him in recent memory.

“Isak, where the fuck have you been?!  We were trying to reach you all night!” Magnus exclaimed, looking at Isak with wide eyes.

“Dude, take a breath.” Mahdi shook his head at Magnus before looking at Isak. “You look better than last time I saw you, you mess.” He ribbed and Isak groaned in response.

“I know, alright, I’m sorry.” He held his hands up.

“Isak, seriously, we have to tell you something!” Magnus was practically vibrating with excitement next to him.  Isak was mildly concerned that his hom-sap friend was going to combust.

“Yeah, I can’t tell if you’re gonna be delighted or if you’re going to cry.” Mahdi laughed, which made Isak’s stomach sink.

“What is it?”

He wasn’t even sure he wanted to know.

“Remember the guy you hooked up with on Saturday?” Jonas asked.

“Um, yes.” Isak’s face was bright red.  There was no risk of him forgetting Even any time soon.  Mostly because he felt so fucking bad for throwing himself at the guy.

“He’s starting school here.  He’s transferred from Bakka.” Jonas told him.

Isak could hear the blood rushing in his ears.

What sort of shitty luck was this?

“Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?  I thought you’d be happy!  You were talking the whole time we were getting you home about how hot he was and how much you wanted him and-”

“I get it, Mags!” Isak had no recollection of such gushing.

“That isn’t even the best bit!” Magnus was practically jumping up and down with excitement, like he was talking about some exciting development on his favourite show.

Except it wasn’t a show, it was Isak’s train wreck of a life.

“What’s the best bit?” He asked nervously, waiting to hear that he was going to be in all of Isak’s classes or something.

It ended up being much, much worse though.

“He’s a really fucking hot alpha!” Magnus told him.

And just like that, the last tendrils of his good mood were killed stone dead.

Chapter Text

Isak was in a foul mood all morning.

What sort of evil shit had he done in a past life to deserve this?  Not only did his drunk hook up show up at his school, but he was a fucking alpha?  Isak’s one no-go for partners?

Not that he had thought about having Even as a partner.  Not at all.  He just felt bad for drunkenly shoving his tongue down the guy’s throat; that was all.  Nothing else.  Deep down, in a spiteful part of him that he tried not to acknowledge, Isak felt a small stab of smugness that he had been the one to accost an alpha rather than the other way around.

How fucked up was that?  Like alphas couldn’t be victims.

Basically, Isak spent the morning with anxiety churning his stomach.  He didn’t even know what he felt, but it sure as shit didn’t feel good.  His first couple of lessons were a blur; he took notes but he had no recollection of writing them or listening to the teacher so they probably weren’t actually any use.

When the first break of the day came Isak made a beeline to the nearest bathroom.  He locked himself in one of the cubicles, because he was going to need privacy for this, and took a steadying breath before he started.

He got his phone out of his bag and he was pretty sure he was on the verge of some sort of cardiac event as he waited for it to power back up.  Why did it always feel like your phone took longer to start when you really needed to check it?  Was that a thing?  Isak was practically sweating while he waited for his 4G to warm up, but as soon as it did the notifications came pouring in.

The boys had indeed sent him almost fifty messages in the group chat trying to tell him about Even, which he guessed was nice of them.  Not that it had worked, but that was more Isak’s fault than theirs.  He had a few instagram notifications, because people seemed to love commenting on his shit, and some ridiculous hungover and suffering snaps from Eva.

He even checked his hardly used Twitter account to avoid the notification that was practically screaming at him through the phone.  It reached a point, though, that Isak couldn’t put it off any longer.

Taking a deep breath, he opened up the text app.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.53)
you THINK you got home in one piece????

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.55)
what does that mean????
are you alright?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.59)
Isak, are you okay?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.08)
I’m gonna assume you’ve fallen into a hangover sleep
Feel better, party animal

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.07)
You never replied so I’m going to guess you either don’t want to talk to me or you’ve died of alcohol poisoning
the first would be pretty rude after such a good kiss though
but it seems a bit cruel to wish alcohol poisoning on you
just text me back when you can ♥

Holy shit.  Had Even actually meant to put that little heart emoji there?  And he thought their kiss had been good?  Did that mean it had been more than the sloppy drunk mess of tongue that Isak was so worried it had been?

After a quick count Isak realised that Even had texted him no less than ten times over the course of the day.  That was pretty weird, right?  No one really text a drunk kiss like that, did they?  With a heart emoji?

This was so not Isak’s area of expertise.

Unfortunately, though, he was going to have to wait until lunch to ask the boys what they thought of the stream of messages from Even.  Isak just about managed to make it through his next few classes, but those texts stayed adamantly in the back of his mind like an itch he couldn’t scratch.

So he may have come on a bit strong when he got to their table at lunch.

“I need your help with something.” Isak said breathlessly as he dumped his bag on the bench and flopped down with the boys.

“Has something happened?” Jonas raised his eyebrows at him from across the table.

“Yeah, you look like you just ran a marathon.” Mahdi chimed in.

“So, you know Even?” Isak began, rummaging in his bag for his phone.

“As if anyone could forget a guy like that.” Magnus scoffed, which – yeah, alright – was a fair point.

“He sent me loads of texts while my phone was off yesterday.” Isak opened up the app and put his phone in the middle of the table so the others could see it.

“Dude…” Jonas raised an eyebrow at him after a few seconds glance at the phone.

“What?” Isak asked worriedly.  Had Jonas seen something in those texts that Isak had missed?

“The most beautiful boy Isak has ever seen?” Jonas read off the screen.  And yeah, okay, Isak had forgotten what Even’s contact name was in his panic about what the messages might have meant.

“He put himself in my phone like that, just read the messages!” Isak huffed impatiently.

“Seems pretty obvious to me.” Mahdi shrugged after he read them over.  “He’s into you.” He said simply.  Isak had to swallow down a scathing scoff; as if this was some simple matter.

“Yeah, look how worried he was about you!” Magnus grinned.  “You guys made out, like, once at a party and he’s already blowing up your phone worrying about you getting home safe.”

“What’s the issue?” Jonas looked over at Isak, reminding Isak for a moment just how well they knew each other.

“He’s an alpha.” Isak said helplessly, throwing his hands up in defeat.

“So am I?” Jonas raised his bushy brows in Isak’s direction.

“Yeah, but you’re one of the few who aren’t just trying to get their knot wet!” Isak argued.

“Alpha/beta relationships aren’t unheard of.” Mahdi pointed out, which temporarily froze Isak’s brain.

Thankfully, he managed to snap himself back into reality quickly.

“I know, I know.  I just- I’ve literally only ever met one decent alpha and that’s Jonas.  What if I text this guy back and it turns out he’s a creep like the rest of them?  Or he’d rather have a little omega rather than my beta ass?” Isak could feel his blood pressure starting to rise at the thought of all the possible ways it could go wrong.

“Well, from what people have said it sounded like he was more than happy to lie on top of you and make out.  And he seems nice enough in his texts.” Mahdi, as always, remained the level headed one.  The blessed beta of their group.  Isak wished they really were beta bros, but there he was being a complete imposter.

“People saw us, huh?” Isak cringed.

“Dude, you were right next to the doors.  Of course people saw you two getting it on.” Magnus laughed, giving Isak a playful shove.

“I’m never drinking vodka again.” Isak buried his face in his hands, trying to hide the blush burning across his cheeks.

“Yeah right.” Jonas snorted.  “Look: you’re making this way more complicated than it needs to be, Isak.”

And wasn’t that just the story of Isak’s life?

“You obviously like him.” Jonas continued.  “He seems into you too.  Don’t judge him on his exquis presentation; that’s such a dick thing to do.  Give him a chance.  You never know: he might end up being the one.”

“You don’t believe in that soulmate bullshit!” Isak protested, because that was really the only part of Jonas’ suggestion that he could protest.

Stupid Jonas with his stupid good advice.

“No, I don’t, but I do believe that some people just fit together.  You won’t know if you don’t try, though, bro.” Jonas reached over and yanked Isak’s snapback around so he could hit the brim down over Isak’s face.

“Oi!” Isak yelped as the world disappeared from view.  He could hear the boys laughing around him.  When he tugged his cap off and pushed the loose curls out of his eyes Jonas was sat back down, smirking over at him.

“Don’t be an idiot, Isak.” Jonas told him when their eyes met.  “Message the guy back before he blows his entire month’s contract texting you.”

“Yeah, go get you some alpha dick!” Magnus cheered, making everyone else groan.

And yeah, Isak could totally do that.

He could go and charm Even and prove that he wasn’t always a total mess and that sometimes he could be suave as fuck.

Couldn’t he?

***

Isak very much could not do it.  Not at all.

When he quickly checked his phone during maths there had been a new text from Even, which had sent Isak’s heart tripping over itself.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.57)
either you have a doppelganger or I just saw you at school??????

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.59)
can we talk?

Well, there had gone Isak’s plan of easing slowly into things.

And now he was doing his daily fight for dominance with his locker and he could hear Even talking to someone around the corner and his voice was getting closer and closer and fuck Isak was going to have a heart attack if his locker didn’t close and let him run away from the inevitable train wreck that was about to occur.  He needed time to make a plan, dammit; he wasn’t good at just improvising this shit.

The more frantically he tried to cram everything into his locker the more it rebelled by pushing something else out and Isak could feel sweat prickling on the back of his neck.

“Need some help there?” A familiar deep voice offered from behind him.

And, yep, thanks universe.  This was just how Isak wanted to run into Even again.

“Maybe.” Isak muttered as he adamantly tried to shove his books back in, only for his bio notes to be spat out.  Even bent down and scooped them all up while Isak shuffled some books around to make space, and his breath definitely didn’t catch in his throat when Even’s hand skimmed over his as he slid Isak’s notes easily into his locker.  Isak withdrew his hand quickly and Even closed his locker easily.

“Are you going to look at me at all?” Even sounded more amused than Isak was happy with.  He looked away from his locker and pointedly made eye contact with Even.

“Happy now?” He wasn’t sure why he was so annoyed, but he was.  He was going to prove he could go toe to toe with this alpha if it killed him.

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to rile you up.” Even raised his hands.  “I’m sorry.  I just want to talk.  Did you get my texts?” Even asked, unaware of the guilt that sparked in Isak’s stomach.

“I did, yeah.  I’ve just been busy today.  I was going to reply.” Isak wasn’t sure why he added that, but it felt important to make it clear that he hadn’t been planning to ignore Even forever.

“Good to know.” Even grinned.

Isak couldn’t help but smile back.

“So, can we talk?” Even asked after a few seconds of comfortable silence.

Shit.

Isak hadn’t been prepared for this to be happening now.  It wasn’t like Isak had a valid reason to say no, either; he didn’t have any more classes, he didn’t have work, and he had no plans with the boys.

Fuck.  It looked like this was happening now then.

“Y-yeah, sure.” Isak hated how he stuttered, but last minute plans really weren’t his strong suit.

“Do you like coffee?  Or do you only drink cheap shit vodka?” Even teased and Isak felt heat crawl up his neck with embarrassment.

“I like coffee; I’m not a complete freak.” He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and started walking towards the exit.  When Even didn’t follow him he looked back over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow.  “You coming or what, long legs?”

“Just enjoying the view.” Even winked before following Isak out.  The cool air outside felt like heaven on Isak’s blushing face, and he hoped that it calmed his skin down enough that he could play it cool when he turned to face Even.

“Hate to see me go but love to watch me leave, huh?” He winked.  Warmth flooded him as Even burst out laughing, and Isak’s nerves started to ebb.

“Something like that, yeah.” Even chuckled.

They fell easily into step with each other; walking in a comfortable quiet down the street.  Isak knew he should be nervous.  Or, actually, knew that normally he’d be nervous to go have coffee with some guy he didn’t know beyond how his mouth tasted and how his ass felt under the palm of Isak’s hand.  Somehow, though, Isak found it almost impossible to feel nervous with Even walking alongside him.

The walk was mostly silent, as if by some unspoken agreement they had decided that they’d have this talk when they arrived at wherever Isak was walking them.  Isak glanced over at Even as they walked, trying to get his head around this ridiculous situation he had gotten himself into.

Even really was the most stunning creature Isak had ever laid eyes – and hands – on.  Isak wasn’t entirely sure what Even got out of him; he was just an exhausted second year who had thrown himself at Even at a party.

When they got to KB, Even opened the door and dramatically made the after you arm gesture.  Once again, the nerves starting to bubble in Isak’s stomach were calmed.  They walked to the counter together, shedding outer layers as they went, and ordered together.

Isak got himself a latte with a shot of caramel, because he was pretty sure he was going to need something comforting to get through this talk.  Even ordered a cappuccino and some cake, and he when he took two forks for it Isak didn’t say anything.

“So.” Even said as they sat down and got settled.

“So.” Isak repeated.

“You got home okay on Saturday night?” Even checked.

“Yeah.” Isak blushed.  “I don’t remember getting home, but the boys said they took me.” He explained, remembering how vague he’d been in his few texts to Even.

“Yeah, you were really drunk.” Even smirked over at him as he poured some sugar into his drink.

“I don’t usually get like that.” Isak groaned.  “I was having a bad night, okay?  I’m sorry I threw myself at you like that.” Isak had never felt as fucking embarrassed as he did when he thought back on what little he could remember of that kiss.

“Hey, it’s not like I went unwillingly.” Even frowned, sliding the plate of cake into the middle of their little table and gesturing for Isak to take some.

He didn’t.

“You didn’t?”

“Do you not remember?” Even raised his eyebrows and Isak felt humiliated all over again.

“Not really.  I remember sort of…jerking towards you and then I think I remember being on my back.” This was so fucking embarrassing.  “I don’t usually throw myself at guys I don’t know.  I’m not like that.” Isak didn’t want Even to think was some easy little slut.  Sure, he liked to get off but usually there was a little bit of flirting involved beforehand.

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” Even shook his head.  “I wanted to kiss you.  Shit, if you hadn’t been so drunk I might have tried to take you home.”

Isak was pretty sure he was falling through the looking glass into some parallel universe.  Even wanted to take him home?  He could have had some hot and heavy time with Even?  His imagination was running away from him and he was seriously at risk of getting thrown out of KB for public indecency if the tight feeling in his gut was any indication.

“Earth to Isak.” Even waved a hand in front of his face and Isak snapped back into his mind.

“Right.  Sorry.” He blinked quickly, trying to rid himself of the image of Even naked and on top of him.  It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up and remind him of why he couldn’t have that.

“I’m a beta.” Isak blurted out.  Whatever Even had expected him to say it clearly wasn’t that, because his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Okay?” Even said slowly, obviously trying to follow Isak’s leap in conversation.

“And you’re an alpha.” Isak couldn’t help the accusing tone that leaked into his voice.  Even didn’t miss it.

“I am.  Is that a problem?” His voice was calm, but Isak could see the way his hand tightened around his mug.

“You don’t smell like an alpha.  Or act like one.” Isak wasn’t sure why it was a problem, but it still nettled at him.

“How is an alpha supposed to act?” Even asked coolly.

“I’ve only ever met one alpha who wasn’t a total knothead.” Isak said bluntly.

“The one with the curly hair.” Even nodded, much to Isak’s surprise.

“Yeah, that’s Jonas.” Isak nodded back.

“So you’re worried I’m going to be another knothead?” Even raised an eyebrow.  “Isn’t that a bit of a generalisation?  Not all alphas are led by their knot.” Even levelled him with a look that made Isak feel about two inches tall.

“I know.” Isak squirmed.  “It’s just that in my experience they’ve only ever been completely vile.  I didn’t want to get into something with you only for you to end up being just like the rest of them.” And, shit, Isak had given too much away with that.

“So you do want to see more of me?” Even grinned.

“Of course that’s all you took from that.” Isak huffed out an embarrassed laugh and took a sip of his latte to buy himself some time.

“You shouldn’t judge someone on their genes before you even get to know them.  That’d be like me saying I don’t want to date a beta just because they’re a beta.” Isak’s stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies at the word ‘date’ coming out of Even’s mouth.

“You want to date me?” Isak was pretty sure his jaw was on the floor.

“Of course that’s all you took from that.” Even mimicked, making Isak roll his eyes.  “Look, cards on the table: I think you’re cute.  And you’re easy to be around and I bet you’re a lot of fun when you’re not too up in your own head about exquis presentations.  So yeah, I’d like to take you on a date.  If you’ll let me.” Even was giving him such an intense look that Isak had to look away or he was sure he would melt.

“I’m not like I was on Saturday.  I’d want to take it slow.” Isak explained carefully.  He’d had his fair share of hook ups, but he’d never properly dated someone.  He wasn’t sure how he’d handle having to take him suppressants even more secretly to keep it from a boyfriend.

But he wanted Even.  He wanted to try, even if it just ended up being one flop of a date.  Who knew, maybe Jonas would be right and it would all work out with Even.

“Slow is fine.” Even smiled encouragingly at him.

“Good.” Isak smiled weakly.  They sat together quietly for a few minutes, just sipping their drinks and stealing glances across the table.  Eventually, Even broke the silence.  Just like the last time.

“I feel like we did this backwards.” Even laughed as he set down his empty mug.

“We definitely did.” Isak agreed.

“I’d better make this official, huh?” Even waggled his eyebrows and Isak frowned over at him.

“I don’t get it?” Isak drank the last bit of his latte, waiting for Even to explain.  Even cleared his throat dramatically, to the point where the couple on the next table shot him a worried look.

“Isak Valtersen, will you do me the honour of going on a date with me?” Even asked with a flourish of his hand.

“Mmm, I don’t know.” Isak pretended to think about it.  “I have a lot of school work right now, and you are an alpha.” He held his chin with his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully.

“What if I bribed you shamelessly?” Even offered Isak the mostly untouched slice of cake.

“Sold.” Isak laughed, taking the plate from him.

“So you’ll go on a date with me?” Even’s face lit up and Isak couldn’t help the stupid grin that spread across his own face in response.

“Yes, Even Bech Næsheim, I’ll go on a date with you.” He agreed.

Chapter Text

MONDAY

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.07)
I’m glad you agreed to talk today <3

Isak (20.11)
me too
I wasn’t going to, but I’m really glad I went

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.13)
imagine how uncomfortable it could have got if we just tried to ignore each other forever

Isak (20.14)
haha yeah it would have got really awkward for everyone
good thing you stalked me to my locker and dragged me for coffee

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.15)
that’s not how it went and you know it!
you were won over by my charm and good looks

Isak (20.16)
was I?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.18)
well duh

Isak (20.19)
compelling argument 10/10

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.20)
don’t have to have a compelling argument for the truth ;)

Isak (20.21)
lawyers would say otherwise

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.22)
are we gonna need lawyers? is this your way of telling me you’re suing me for something haha

Isak (20.24)
actually yes I’m suing you for being too sexy, you can expect the paperwork by the end of the week

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.25)
damn, and I thought we were doing so well </3
the law suit might get in the way of our date though, so that doesn’t work for me
you can expect to hear back from my people

Isak (20.28)
you have people now?!
I may be in over my head
I’ll reconsider suing you on ONE condition

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.30)
there are conditions now? jeeeeeeeeez

Isak (20.30)
yep, if you tell me where you’re taking me on Friday night I’ll drop all the charges

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.32)
no can do, I’m afraid
that’s confidential information
you’ll just have to wait and see like a good boy

Isak (20.34)
I’m not a dog wtf

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.35)
no, a dog would never sue me
a dog would love me unconditionally
unlike you apparently </3

Isak (20.38)
are you telling me you’d rather have a dog

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.39)
who doesn’t want a dog?????
but no, I suppose I’ll settle for a cute boy
even if he is taking me to court before we even have our first proper date

Isak (20.41)
wow
you’ll settle? so good of you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.42)
I know, I’m practically a saint

Isak (20.42)
a saint wouldn’t keep secrets

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.43)
I’m not telling you what my date plan is!
just know it’s gonna be romantic and it’ll blow your mind
that’s all the info you’re getting

Isak (20.45)
but I wanna knowwwwwwwww :(

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.46)
nope
no sir
not happening
I’ll take this secret to my grave

Isak (20.49)
bit dramatic

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.50)
I’m a very dramatic person
you’ll have to get used to that

Isak (20.51)
get used to it? you assume I’m gonna be sticking around?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.53)
I like to think so

Isak (20.53)
mmmmmmmmmm, I think you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself there

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.54)
damn, I’ll rein it in then </3

Isak (20.55)
<3
ugh, I have homework to do
talk later

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.57)
nerd
goodnight <3

Isak (20.58)
it’s cool to pass your classes actually
night (:

TUESDAY

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (8.47)
fuck, starting a new school is the worst
why did I do this

Isak (9.40)
how would I know????
but I’m sorry it’s sucking for you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (9.44)
I have no idea where I’m going most of the time fucking hell
I’m already exhausted

Isak (9.50)
got a while left until you can go home though

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (10.02)
ugh, tell me about it
sorry, I just wanted to let off some steam

Isak (10.10)
it’s chill (:

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (10.10)
<3

Isak (15.47)
saw you with your friends at lunch, hope your day got better (:

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.55)
aw, are you getting all soft on me already ;)

Isak (16.28)
don’t make me regret being nice

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.40)
haha sorry
but yeah the day got better
I’ll be fine, it’s all just really new still

Isak (16.42)
you’ll get there eventually
besides, you’re in third year, you’ll be gone soon enough anyway lol

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.45)
good point
you’re very smart

Isak (16.48)
I know

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.50)
cocky, I like it ;)

Isak (16.57)
is it cocky if it’s true though

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (17.00)
I’m too tired for deep questions like that haha
gotta go to work now, later

Isak (17.08)
oops, missed you
have a good shift I guess lol

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.27)
the general public are terrible
not all of them
but ENOUGH of them

Isak (20.36)
not so great night at work then?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.40)
I had a lady argue that the cake we made this morning was stale
one guy moved his briefcase as I was taking drinks to a table and I spilt hot coffee all over my arm
and my shirt
and the floor
and then had to go make the whole order again
and the dick didn’t even apologise??????
he just wiped his case down and glared at me like it was my fault
and a kid ran into a table and hit his head really hard

Isak (20.44)
that sounds like a train wreck

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.50)
it was
today might have been the longest day ever
I hope you had a good day at least?

Isak (20.52)
I mean I was at school
so it was alright
had a chill night with the boys but they’re gone now
they were grilling me about you actually

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (20.55)
oh yeah? what did you say?

Isak (20.59)
that you’re a drama queen and you won’t tell me what we’re doing on Friday night so I don’t actually have anything TO tell them
they weren’t too impressed with that

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.03)
lol you’ll just have to wait for Friday

Isak (21.05)
or you could just tell me

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.05)
no, I’m not telling you!
it’ll be worth the wait
I promise <3

Isak (21.19)
I haven’t known you long enough to know if your promises mean anything

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.21)
damn, Isak, that’s cold
you wound me

Isak (21.23)
what! it’s true!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.25)
when a Næsheim gives you their word it’s like an unbreakable vow

Isak (21.28)
is that a fucking Harry Potter reference?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.30)
…………….
yes

Isak (21.31)
wow

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.34)
you got a problem with Harry Potter?

Isak (21.36)
no
just didn’t expect you to be such a nerd

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.40)
we’re everywhere
hope this isn’t a deal breaker ;)

Isak (21.46)
I’ll deal with it

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.50)
atta boy
I’m dead tired now, see you around tomorrow

Isak (21.23)
it’s not even 2200 yet

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.25)
so? I’m tired!
I did almost die at work tonight remember

Isak (21.27)
oh my god
goodnight, drama queen

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (21.27)
night <3

WEDNESDAY

Isak (3.57)
did you know that elephants and humpback whales go through menopause too?

Isak (3.59)
or that for every person on Earth there are a million ants?

Isak (4.05)
a group of owls is called a parliament that’s kinda cute omg

Isak (4.10)
apparently scientists have done brain surgery on cockroaches???
 who has that kinda time????

Isak (4.12)
the world is so fucking wild

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (8.16)
why the hell were you still awake at 4AM???
also yes that owl fact is very cute
(not as cute as you though)

Isak (8.35)
very smooth

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (8.50)
why thank you
for real though, are you okay?

Isak (8.56)
I’m fine, I was just up late doing homework and I got distracted

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (8.58)
okay…
have a good day <3

Isak (9.00)
another glorious day at Hartvig Nissen
thanks <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.16)
you looked really tired at lunch
sure you’re alright?

Isak (14.20)
wow, way to make a guy feel good

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.27)
sorry, I’m just worried :(

Isak (14.30)
it was just one all-nighter!
all students do them
chill

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.33)
I don’t care about all students though
I care about you

Isak (14.35)
sap

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.48)
I like you, so sue me
oh wait

Isak (14.55)
awkward lol

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (14.58)
lol
your lawyers must be very slow btw I haven’t been sent any documents yet

Isak (15.05)
I decided to pend the law suit until after the date
give you a chance to redeem yourself

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.15)
damn, very generous!
I’ll do my best to be worthy of that chance <3

Isak (15.17)
my room mate thought I was being too harsh with you so I thought I’d give you a chance ;)

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.22)
sounds like I owe your room mate one

Isak (15.25)
don’t say that
if Eskild saw you he might drown in his own drool

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.37)
not far from what you did when we met in fairness ;)

Isak (15.41)
I WAS DRUNK FUCK OFF

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.41)
lol

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.27)
I’m about to go to bed
get some sleep tonight <3

Isak (22.30)
I was just going to bed too actually
goodnight <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.30)
<3

THURSDAY

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (15.50)
sorry, been really busy today
you looked stressed at lunch, hope everything’s okay x

Isak (16.02)
I’m just so done with this week

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.05)
do you want to talk about it?

Isak (16.07)
no, it’s fine
I’ll be fine
just a long couple of days

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.10)
I get that
at least it’s Friday tomorrow!

Isak (16.12)
fucking finally

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.13)
keen for our date? ;)

Isak (16.15)
oh, that was THIS Friday? ;)

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.16)
you cut me deep, Isak

Isak (16.16)
lol

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.17)
look at that
no remorse at all
have I been planning a date to woo a sociopath?

Isak (16.20)
rude

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.21)
not as rude as you pretending not to be excited for our date
I know you are
don’t lie

Isak (16.25)
fine
I’m curious to see what your big plan is

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.27)
wow
is that it?
no dramatic declaration that you can’t wait to see me again?

Isak (16.30)
not my style

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.32)
clearly
maybe I’m wasting my big romantic gestures on your heathen self

Isak (16.35)
we’ll have to wait and see, huh? ;)

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.36)
wasn’t that my line?

Isak (16.38)
it’s mine now

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.39)
I see how it is

Isak (16.41)
lol

Isak (22.48)
guessing you vanished doing last minute date stuff so………..
I guess I’ll see you tomorrow
jokes aside, I can’t wait <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.07)
I can’t wait either <3

FRIDAY

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (17.58)
I’m outside, baby (:

Isak (18.00)
coming down now

Chapter Text

Isak was having a shit week.  It felt like all of his teachers had colluded to give him as much homework at the same time as possible, and on top of that he’d got a call from his mum’s main carer to say she wasn’t doing so well and that maybe he should postpone his next visit until she was feeling a bit better.

Basically Isak was up all hours of the night doing homework and stressing out about his mum every night.  Homework felt so meaningless when he felt like his mother was withering away to nothing in the assisted living community, but at the same time he found himself clinging onto homework like a life preserve in a raging storm.

He was stressed and tired and he really was looking forward to his date with Even.  Throughout his unexpectedly bleak week it had been like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Through some unspoken agreement they didn’t text each other during Friday, letting the tension and excitement build up deliciously.  By the time Isak got home from school he was practically vibrating out his skin.  He was both excited and terrified, and if you asked him which feeling was stronger he would have no idea what the answer was.

When Even’s text came through Isak took a deep breath to gain some semblance of composure before he went down to meet Even.  He made his way down the stairs, forcing himself not to fuss even more with his hair than he already had, and tried to ignore the feeling of butterflies in his stomach.

Was he really having butterflies over a date with some alpha?  Had he turned into that guy?  He shook his head one last time and went outside, and at the sight of Even every thought he had ever had flew straight – ha – out of his head.

Even was leaning against the driver’s side door of a car that was definitely too nice to be his own – Isak was betting it belonged to his parents – and he looked like something straight out of a magazine.

“Hey.” Even grinned over the top of the car at him, forcing Isak to snap out of his daze.

“Hey, Mr Mysterious.” Isak shot back.  “Hope your big plan lives up to all your hype.” Isak winked.  Before Isak was even in touching distance of the car, Even was smoothly moving around the front of the car and opening the passenger door.

“I’m pretty sure it’ll be a hit.” Even said confidently as Isak slid into the car.  While Even got in and started up the car, Isak took the chance to admire the interior.  It was comfy, and clean, and smelled like heaven.  Isak could make out the lingering remnants of a few other scents, cementing his theory that they were in Even’s parents’ car.

“So did you steal a car or was it loaned?” Isak ran a hand over the dash jokingly as Even pulled into the road.

And then the adventure really got started.

“It’s my mum’s, so you won’t have to worry about the cops coming after us on our date night.” Even promised.  Isak smiled to himself, content to lean back in his seat and watch Oslo rush past them for a while.  As more and more of the town rolled past them Isak began to wonder where the hell Even was taking him.

What the fuck had he gotten himself into?  Was he just letting some alpha he hardly knew drive him to god knows where?  Oh Christ, Isak was going to end up another crime statistic and it was all his own stupid fault because he listened to his omega and gave the hot alpha a chance.

“Where are we going?” Isak tried to keep his voice level, tried not to give away that he was convinced he was going to be murdered, but his traitor vocal chords cracked nervously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Even winked, which did nothing to quell Isak’s anxiety.

“Seriously, where are you taking me?” Isak’s voice definitely cracked that time and Even glanced across at him.

“Hey, it’s fine.  I’m not taking you to some forest out of a horror movie so I can dump your body in a lake, I promise.  Scout’s honour.” Even added, which made an infinitesimal smile pull at Isak’s lips.

“That’s exactly what an axe murderer would say.” Isak pointed out, not 100% joking.

“What can I say to reassure you?” Even asked, taking his hand off the gearstick and squeezing Isak’s hand comfortingly.

“Tell me where we’re going.” Isak answered immediately.

“Aw, Isak, really?  You’re gonna make me ruin my big romantic surprise?” Even groaned, taking his hand back when the traffic light went green again.

“For sure.  Please just tell me where we’re going so I can tell my roommate where to send the police if I don’t make it home.” Isak could tell that Even wanted to make a joke, but at the look of stress Isak knew was on his face Even chose wisely and kept the joke to himself.

“We’re going to Nordmarka.  Public space, so I’m sure there will be witnesses.” Even teased.  “And I promise not to murder you and dump you in the lake; tell your roommate that so he doesn’t call 112 on me and ruin the night.” He added.  Even might have been joking, but Isak did actually take his phone out of his pocket and shoot Eskild a text.

Isak (18.12)
Even’s taking me to Nordmarka. if you haven’t heard from me by 2300 I’m dead.

Guru (18.14)
you’ll be fine, drama queen
have fun ;)

“So, Nordmarka?” Isak asked as he put his phone back in his pocket.  “You like forests then?”

“I like quiet, I guess.” Even shrugged as he parked up.  “Sometimes the city is just too much.”

“You know we haven’t actually left the city though, right?” Isak raised an eyebrow as they got out of the car.  He kind of wished Even had told him to dress for the outdoors, because he’d only been out of the car for about ten seconds and he was already feeling the chill.  It was almost November; Isak really hadn’t expected their date to be outdoors.  He had been thinking more pub grub and drinks, if he was honest.

But outdoors.

Isak could totally do outdoors.

“Of course I know we haven’t left the city, I’m not a complete idiot.” Even laughed, going round to the back of the car and yanking the boot open.  Curiosity got the better of him and Isak trailed after him, peering around him to see what provisions Even had brought with him.

There was a big picnic basket, and nothing else.

Isak hoped to god that there were at least three blankets in there.

“So you admit that you’re at least a little bit of an idiot?” Isak smirked, stepping back to let Even take the picnic basket out.

“Well, yeah, I’m only human.  We’re all idiots.” Even surprised him with a moment of honesty, and Isak found it refreshing to talk to an alpha who could admit they weren’t perfectly perfect in every way.

“Good point.” Isak acknowledged, following Even as he made his way into the woodland.  Even had one hand securely around the basket handle, leaving the other tantalising free.

Isak really wanted to hold his hand.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Isak asked after a few minutes of walking in easy silence.  It was nice to listen to the sounds of nature: leaves rustling, branches creaking, birds chirping, and the pitter patter of tiny animals running around.  Despite his issue with the cold Isak was already glad that Even had taken him here instead of some hot cramped pub.

He’d be less glad if Even got them lost, though.

“Of course I do!” Even sounded a little bit offended at Isak’s doubt.  “There’s a little tucked away place I found one night; I think it’ll be perfect.”

“You come here at night often?” Isak couldn’t imagine ambling through the forest in the middle of the night, but Even made it sound like it was something someone would do all the time.

“I like it here.” Even shrugged.  “Good place to clear your head.” He didn’t say any more on the matter, and Isak didn’t get the feeling that it wasn’t something to push.  They walked further without exchanging any words, but it never got awkward or uncomfortable.  They walked side by side, occasionally bumping arms or shoulders, and just that simple contact made Isak’s skin tingle where they touched.

When they were nearing the ten minute mark, Even veered off the hiking trail.  Isak hesitated for all of three seconds before he followed Even off the beaten track.  He hurried after Even to catch up with his long strides, and it felt so natural to slip his hand into Even’s free hand when he caught up with him that he didn’t even think about it until Even looked over and shot him a megawatt smile.

Wow, was all Isak could think.  Even really was beautiful.

“Are we almost there?” Isak asked when they had been walking through the trees for almost half an hour, their tangled hands swinging between them with an ease that made Isak feel like he’d known Even his whole life and not just a week.

And how crazy was that?  Last Friday Isak hadn’t even met Even, and now here he was on a date with him doing something Isak would never have thought of himself.  And for once he wasn’t thinking of all the ways it could go wrong, of all the awful possibilities; he was just allowing himself to enjoy being with a boy for more than just a quick orgasm.

“Just a few more minutes.” Even promised, giving Isak’s hand a reassuring squeeze.  Isak moved closer to Even, soaking up the alpha’s natural warmth while they walked the last leg of their journey.

“Here we are!” Even declared after another five minutes of ducking branches and stepping over huge tangled tree roots.  They’d stumbled into a natural clearing; the trees encircled the area and the grass was dotted with a mix of flowers and weeds.

It was pretty fucking magical, to Isak.

“C’mon, I have everything we’ll need.” Even tugged on his hand and they made their way out from the trees.  He set the basket down, and the first thing he pulled out was a big picnic blanket that he spread over the damp grass.

Isak immediately sat down.

Even reached into the basket again and pulled out a huge thermos, followed by two empty thermal cups.

“Hot chocolate.” Even explained as he passed it over to Isak.

Honestly, Isak was already beyond impressed.  He poured hot chocolate into both the thermals while Even brought out the food, but the most exciting moment was definitely when Even produced a big soft blanket and wrapped it around Isak’s shoulders.

“I know I didn’t say much, so I brought this in case you got cold.” Even murmured as he draped the two ends over each other.  All Isak could do was stare.  Even was so close to him; close enough that Isak could feel it when he exhaled.

“Thank you.” He whispered, unable to tear his gaze away from Even’s eyes.  Even leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead in a move so chaste that it almost had tears stinging at Isak’s eyes.  He felt so looked after; it felt so good for a change.

“Wouldn’t be much of a date if you froze to death.” Even joked as he sat down next to Isak and spread the food in front of them.  When Isak finally found it in himself to look away from Even – he looked amazing in the last streaks of sunlight of the day, alright? – and at the food his jaw actually dropped.

“Are there more people coming to this picnic that I don’t know about?” There was enough food to feed half of Oslo spread out in front of them.

“As if I’d share you on our first date.” Even scoffed, but the sentiment behind it made Isak’s heart skip a beat.  It was stupid to be so smitten after barely a week – a week where all they’d really done is have coffee once and text each other – but Isak already really liked this boy.

“Did you make all this?” Isak asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah.  Guess I went a bit overboard, didn’t I?” Even laughed as he looked over all the food.

“Just a little.” Isak nodded.  There were two clingfilm-covered plates filled with rich looking sandwiches, two big bags of Doritos (one original and one chilli), a big bottle of Coke, a clingfilm-covered bowl filled to the brim with salad, and a multipack of different mini chocolate bars.

“Are we camping here for a week maybe?” Isak laughed as Even unwrapped one of the plates of sandwiches.

“I think we’ll get through all this food tonight.” Even said confidently, but Isak was too busy scanning the plate to decide which sandwich he wanted first.  They all looked so good.

“Oh yeah?  How- oi!” Isak broke off with a grin when he saw Even pull out a little gold tin and produce a fat joint.

“I thought we could get high and play twenty questions.” Even smiled, but Isak could see the nervousness in his eyes.  The fear that Isak wouldn’t like his big plan after all the hype and all the walking to get there.

“That sounds perfect.” Isak smiled, plucking a sandwich off the plate.  “Light it up.” It was only when Isak swallowed his first mouthful that he realised how hungry he was.  He’d hardly eaten all day because he had been so excited for their date, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

He wolfed down – no pun intended – about three sandwiches before Even offered him the lit joint.  Isak lay down, snuggled in the blanket that faintly smelled like Even, and parted his lips enough for Even to place the joint there.

“Lazy.” Even tutted, but he put the joint between Isak’s lips and watched with dark eyes as Isak took a deep breath in.  Even pulled the joint back and Isak looked up at the darkening sky as he slowly exhaled a plume of sweet smoke, trying not to smile as Even lay down next to him.

“So, twenty questions?” Isak prompted, glancing over at Even.  He looked even more ethereal in the dark.

“Right.  Any nicknames?” Even asked.

“Mmm, not really.” Isak thought about it.  “Sometimes people call me Issy or Is, you know, normal stuff.  What about you?” Isak accepted the joint again and took a deep pull, his lips tingling at the thought of putting his mouth on something that had been between Even’s lips.  It was almost as good as getting to put his lips on Even’s.

Almost.

“Nothing positive.” Even shrugged.  Isak reached over and squeezed Even’s hand.

“People are dicks.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Even shook his head and brought Isak’s hand up to his lips to kiss the soft skin on the back of it.

Isak’s pretty sure that was the moment he knew he was going to fall in love with that boy.

“What’s the best gift you ever got?” Isak asked, going for a lighter hearted question.  Even hummed thoughtfully and took a hit from the joint while he pondered his answer.

“When I was a kid I entered a drawing competition and I won, and my mum was so proud that she framed it and told me that one day when I was a famous artist she’d be able to say she had Even Bech Næsheim’s first ever acclaimed piece of work.  I know it’s not a lot, but when I was a little kid the idea that one day I’d be a famous artist was so exciting.  And it meant so much that my mum believed in me like that.  It’s still in our hallway, actually.” Even was smiling up at the sky at the memory, and Isak found himself smiling too.

“That’s so cute.  You draw?” Isak had seen Even around with a little notebook, but he’d never really thought about what Even did with it.

“Yeah.  Mostly doodles lately, because I haven’t had any inspiration to draw something properly.”

“No?” Isak turned his head away from the patch of sky they were underneath and looked at Even.

“I might now, though.” Even whispered, reaching over and tracing his fingertips along Isak’s cheekbone.  “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Even cupped the side of his face and Isak felt like his skin was on fire.

“Sap.” Isak blushed.  As the heat crawled across his face he realised that Even’s fingers were actually quite cold, so he unwrapped his blanket burrito and instead covered both of them with the blanket.  They huddled closer together, passing the joint back and forth a few more times.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” Even wrapped an arm around Isak’s shoulders and Isak burrowed into him.  He smelt so fucking nice; Isak would be more than happy to spend the rest of the night with his nose pressed into Even’s throat.

That would probably be weird though, right?

“I wanted to be a scientist.  I wanted to make cool stuff and change the world.” Isak admitted, tilting his head up for another hit of the joint.

“That’s cool.  Still want that?” Even asked curiously as he held the joint for Isak.

“Mhmm.” Isak hummed, holding the smoke in his chest.  “I think I’d like to go more into medical research.” He added, his words coming out laced with smoke.

“That’s amazing.  You must be wicked smart then, huh?” Even teased, tickling at Isak’s sides.

“Shut up!” Isak laughed, pushing at his hands.  “I just pay attention in my lectures; it isn’t rocket science!”

“No, but I bet you could do rocket science.” Even said solemnly, making Isak roll his eyes.

“You overestimate me.” Isak settled back into Even’s side and they broke into a bag of Doritos.  They ate and drank for a few minutes, and they ended up having a competition to see who could drink their hot chocolate faster which led to both of them feeling sick but Isak crowing that he was a master drinker.

“I should have known not to challenge you, considering how we met.” Even laughed as he pulled Isak back down.

“Will you ever let that go?” Isak groaned, partly from embarrassment and partly from how horrifyingly full his stomach was.  He’d had five sandwiches, half a bag of chilli Doritos, and more than his fair share of hot chocolate.

“Probably not.” Even grinned.  Isak huffed at that, hiding his pout against Even’s shoulder.

“Do you believe in aliens?” Even asked suddenly.

“Of course.” Isak snorted, looking up at him.  “The universe is bigger than we can even comprehend; of course there’s going to be other life out there.  Who the fuck knows what they look like though.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I think too.” Even agreed, and it sent a small thrill through Isak to know that they had something in common.

“What…is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?” Isak wasn’t great at thinking of questions, but at least he hadn’t resorted on the classic what’s your favourite colour.

“I do a lot of spontaneous shit.” Even admitted.  “I once broke into my friend’s house at 3AM to make them come for a walk with me.  Another time I went to the airport and got myself a three day trip to London for no reason.  My parents were furious.”

“Holy shit.” was all Isak could say to that.  “I wish I could do shit like that.” he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but the weed had loosened his tongue enough to make him just a little bit too honest for comfort.

“Not a spontaneous person?”

“Not even a little.  I like to have a plan.  I need to have a plan.” Isak had always hated that part of himself; the part that couldn’t just be wild and carefree like his friends all seemed to be.  Like Even seemed to be.

“So not knowing what we were doing tonight probably killed you, huh?” Even guessed.

“You have no idea.” Isak nodded, reaching up for another hit.

“Do you have a bucket list?  Or a to do list, or whatever?  Of stuff you plan to do?” Even suggested.

“I used to think about it.” Isak admitted, staring up at the stars.  “But there’s too much shit I have to do.  I can’t really think that far ahead; there’s too much to deal with here and now.”

“What did you used to think about doing?” Even whispered, turning onto his side and searching Isak’s face.  Isak adamantly didn’t look at him.

“Normal shit, I guess?” He began.  “Travelling, mostly.  There’s so much out there to experience.  But I need to stay in Oslo.” Isak sighed.

“Why?” Even traced the small frown that had puckered up between Isak’s eyebrows.

“I can’t leave my mum.  She- she’s not well.” Isak replied haltingly.  He wasn’t ready to give Even that part of him, to tell that messy story.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Even said sympathetically, threading his fingers through Isak’s in a show of solidarity.  “That must be really hard.”

“It’s so hard.” Isak nodded.  “This week- it wasn’t a good week this week.  I really needed tonight.” Isak finally ripped his gaze away from the endless expanse of starry sky back to Even’s face, his breath catching at the soft way Even was watching him.

“You want to know something that’s on my bucket list?” Even offered, and Isak took the out gratefully.

“Isn’t that the point of this game?” He smiled weakly and Even grinned, leaning in close to Isak’s ear.

“I’ve always wanted to shotgun with a really beautiful boy.” He whispered.  Immediately, Isak felt hot all over.  He had seen Jonas shotgun smoke a few times, but he had never really seen the appeal until now.

Until Even.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.  And here I am, with a beautiful boy under my blanket and another joint in the tin.” Even gave a dramatic sigh.  “What’s a guy to do?” He flopped down dramatically and Isak snorted a laugh.

“I guess we could shotgun.” He agreed, as if it was some hardship Even was forcing upon him and not something that had his blood fizzling like sherbet.

“You want to?” Even looked at him seriously, and Isak nodded slowly.

“I want to.” His words were hardly more than a whisper, but the atmosphere around them felt so hazy and delicate that he was sure if he spoke any louder he would shatter it.

He watched lazily as Even produced another equally fat joint from his tin and sparked up with such ease that Isak could only assume he was a frequent smoker.  Isak could feel his heart racing in his ribcage as Even took a long drag from the joint, his eyes never leaving Isak’s.

And then it was happening.

Even kneeled with his knees either side of Isak’s hips and then dropped down so his hands bracketed Isak’s shoulders, and Isak was sure he was going to have a heart attack before their lips even touched.  Even leant down slowly – so slowly – and Isak’s lips parted in anticipation.

Even’s lips ghosted over his and Isak made a tiny noise in the back of his throat that he had never heard himself make before and would vehemently deny making if anyone ever questioned him on it.

It felt like a pivotal moment in his life.  He couldn’t explain it; he wasn’t even sure if there were even words for the seeds of feelings taking root in his chest, but he just knew.

Even breathed the smoke – sweet and soothing – into Isak’s mouth and Isak breathed it in greedily.  He wanted everything that Even had to offer, even if that was only the breath from his lungs.  Even watched Isak breathe his smoke in, his pupils blown so wide that Isak could hardly see the blue around the edges.

Isak couldn’t honestly say who moved first, but their lips pressed together and all Isak could think about was chasing the mix of tastes around Even’s mouth.  He could taste weed and Doritos and even a little bit of hot chocolate, but it was still the best kiss of Isak’s life because underneath it all he could still taste Even.

Even broke away to quickly stub the joint out and toss it back in the tin, and then his lips were back on Isak’s and Isak clung onto the front of Even’s shirt to stop him from pulling away ever again.

Even overwhelmed every single one of Isak’s senses.  He was so fucking high; he was sure if Even wasn’t knelt in a protective cage over him that he would just float off into the stars.  He wanted to float up into Even; he wanted to burrow so deep inside him that it would be impossible to tell where Isak ended and Even began.

And that scared him.

He pushed those thoughts – those feelings – away and kissed Even with everything he had.  His knees moved up of their own accord and clenched around Even’s waist, desperately trying to pull his body closer, and Isak’s fingers tangled into that perfect quiff.  Their tongues moved together, slick and hot, and Isak couldn’t help but twitch his hips up.

Even pulled back at that, remembering how Isak wanted to take this slow, but Isak whined anyway.

“Don’t stop.” Isak mumbled, his tongue starting to feel like cotton.  They really had smoked a lot.

“We have all the time in the world to make out.” Even trailed kisses along Isak’s jaw and Isak fought every instinct he had that screamed at him to show his throat.  Somehow Even’s kisses calmed Isak’s heart rate rather than inflaming it, and Isak melted into the blanket.  For a while they just lay there: Even on top of Isak and scattering soft kisses anywhere he could press his lips and Isak alternating between running his hand through Even’s hair and tangling his fingers in it when Even pressed his lips to anywhere sensitive.

“Isak?” Even whispered against his throat, making Isak’s heart stutter.

“Mmm?” He was gazing blindly up at the sky, completely boneless after Even’s onslaught of kisses.

“Do you believe in ‘the one’?” Even held his breath for Isak’s answer.  Isak blinked a few times as the words got through the fog in his brain.  He knew that was an important question.  He knew Even had put himself out there by asking that.

Even, who had surprised him on all counts from the moment he had picked Isak up that evening.  He had made them food – a job usually shunted onto the nearest omega – and taken Isak somewhere he had never expected to like and given him the most magical evening ever.

It hadn’t been anything groundbreaking: great food, high quality pot, and quiet questions exchanged in the dark, but to Isak it felt like a revelation.

“I think I’m starting to.” He whispered.

Chapter Text

They stayed in that clearing for a few more hours, but after Isak’s internal revelation they both steered clear of any more deep questions.  They lay huddled together under the stars asking silly little questions and laughing at things that weren’t really funny.

Isak discovered that Even was fascinated by films, that as an artist he couldn’t really choose a favourite colour because they were all useful for something (“although I’m really starting to love green”), that he fractured his cheekbone as a child falling out of the tree house he had made with his dad and landing splat on his face, and that even though he had a love/hate relationship with his job at KB he was definitely going to miss it there when his time came to move on.

In turn Isak realised that he didn’t actually have a favourite colour (“no, I’m not going to say your eye colour because I’m not a sap like you”), and his interests didn’t really stray beyond video games and hanging with his friends.  He did, however, have a lot of stupid accident stories to regale Even with.

Including, but not limited to: when he fell down the stairs aged two and broke his collarbone, when he tried to help his dad with the ironing but only succeeded in pulling the iron down by its cable and burning his arm aged ten, when he fell off a skateboard trying to impress Jonas at age fourteen and played it cool in the moment but went straight to A&E after Jonas left his that evening to be told that he had a hairline fracture on his wrist, and the unforgettable time that Eskild tried to give him a massage to help him de-stress but ended up trapping a nerve and leaving Isak more stressed than he had started.

Basically, Isak was just an accident waiting for somewhere to happen.

Eventually, though, it got too cold to stay outside any longer.  There was only so much warmth two people snuggled under a blanket could achieve, and it definitely wasn’t enough to battle the Norwegian autumn weather (even if one of them was a nice toasty alpha).  They packed everything back into the basket, and Isak was astounded to see that they had actually eaten all that food.

Munchies were an incredible thing.

They made their way back to the car, hand in hand and snickering at nothing, and Isak was proud to say that he only tripped over three tree roots while stoned out of his mind.  Unsurprisingly, they didn’t see anyone else on their adventure back to the car.  Probably because no one else was crazy enough to wander the woods at – holy shit – almost midnight on a Friday night.

Isak sent Eskild a quick text to say he was on his way home while Even tossed the basket in the boot, and then they were off.

“We’re so high.” Isak blinked over at Even in daze, wondering how he had managed to score such a complete and utter 10/10.  “Should you even be driving like this?” the beauty of weed was that Isak could ask that without actually feeling any of the crippling anxiety he knew he’d be experiencing if he was doing this sober.

“I’ve driven in way worse condition than this.” Even laughed, which didn’t really answer Isak’s question but it made him giggle too.

All too soon they were pulling up outside the kollektiv, and Isak was faced with the realisation that he would have to leave Even’s company.

“I had a really good time tonight.” Isak mumbled, unsure how clear his words were coming out now that his mouth felt like it was stuffed full of cotton.

“So did I.” Even got out and dashed around the front of the car before Isak had even thought about moving, and suddenly his door was being opened and Even was helping him out.

“So chivalrous!” Isak laughed, resting his hands on Even’s chest and looking up at him.  “No one ever does nice shit like that for me.” He confessed quietly, tightening his grip on Even’s shirt like he was afraid Even would disappear in a puff of smoke if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

“I’ll always do nice shit for you.” Even promised, dipping his head and pressing the softest of kisses to the tip of Isak’s cold nose.  People broke promises to Isak all the time – his whole life, really – but he liked hearing those words come out of Even’s pretty mouth all the same.

Before Isak was really ready to say goodbye, Even was walking him to the door of the building and pressing a soft kiss to the hinge of his jaw that made Isak’s entire neck tingle.

“Go get some sleep.” Even prompted when Isak just stood there blinking up at him.  Who could blame him, though?  Even was stunning; even more so in the moonlight.  He looked like something right off the cover of a cheap romance novel.

“Sleep.” Isak nodded, fumbling for his keys and letting himself in.  He turned around as the door began to close and caught it quickly.  “Even?  Text me when you get home.” Isak instructed, trying to sound as firm as he could.

“Sure.” Even smiled fondly at him.  “Goodnight, Isak.” And with that he got back into his car, waiting for Isak to actually go inside before he pulled away.

They had been apart for barely five seconds and Isak already sort of missed him.

He stumbled his way up the stairs to their flat and let himself in as quietly as he could in his inebriated state.  He might have bumped into a table in his haste to get to his own room, but other than that he had been totally stealth.

He just about managed to get his jeans off without landing himself in A&E and flopped down on his bed.  His last thought for the night was that – as great as his bed was – it didn’t have the same comforting feel that his and Even’s blanket under the stars had.

***

Saturday morning saw Isak wake up face down ass up with drool pooled under his cheek.  He rolled over quickly, face heating up with embarrassment, and wiped the drool off his cheek.  He was beyond relieved that Even hadn’t stayed the night; the thought of Even seeing him sleep like that was completely and utterly mortifying.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he woke up like that, but stoned Isak had a mind of his own.

He had no idea what the time was, but there was a lot of sunlight streaming in through his curtains, so Isak heaved himself up into a sitting position and pretended that he was ready to face another day.  His phone was probably still in his jeans and he definitely wasn’t ready to move that far yet, so he sank back against his pillows and allowed himself a few minutes to bask in the warm happy feeling he still had from last night.

It didn’t seem real, if he was honest.

Which he could be.

Sometimes.

He hadn’t expected Even to take him on a starlit picnic in the middle of the woods – it wouldn’t even have made his top ten guesses – but it had been the most amazing night of Isak’s life.  They hadn’t even done that much; usually Isak just hooked up and left, but last night Isak shared things with Even that he hadn’t even thought about in years.

He felt like he’d actually given part of himself to Even, which unsettled him.  He was falling way too quickly for this guy; all Even had really done so far was prove he wasn’t another knothead and been a nice – romantic – guy and Isak was already wondering if they were actually a Thing now and if they were exclusive and he really needed to slow the fuck down.

It was a sad state of affairs when your standards were so low that a guy not being a psycho rapist was enough to have your heart racing and butterflies in your tummy.

“Fucking hell.” Isak shook his head in disbelief and rubbed at his eyes in the hopes that he could just erase everything from his brain.  Why couldn’t he just be happy that he’d had an amazing date with a cute guy?  Why did he have to over think everything until he made himself miserable?  Hadn’t he decided that he was going to give this thing with Even a shot?  And there he was not even a full 24 hours after their first date talking himself out of feeling good about it all.

“No more thinking.” Isak muttered to himself.  It was time to get out of his head, and his phone seemed like a good enough distraction.  He stretched off the edge of the bed and yanked his jeans closer, flattening his lips in annoyance as he watched his phone slide out of his jean pocket and stay on the floor while his jeans came closer.

“Typical.” Isak huffed, getting out of bed and retrieving his phone.  He snatched his phone up and – sure enough – there were messages from Even.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (00.37)
just got home handsome
you’re probably already asleep
sleep well <3

He flopped back on the bed, and reality suddenly smacked him in the face.  Because along with the creaking of his bed frame, Isak heard the telltale sound of his pills falling out from between the slats and hitting the floor.

It was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over his head.

He dropped his phone like it had scalded him and reached under the bed, groping around until he found his baggy.  Had they always felt so heavy?  It was only a month’s worth of pills, but they felt like a ton of bricks in Isak’s palm.

It was like he was staring at the reason this thing with Even was doomed.  Everything was built on a fucking lie because that was how Isak lived his whole fucking life.

He forced himself to take his first dose of the day, and he couldn’t remember them ever tasting so bitter.  He shoved the baggy back under his bed because he was completely sick of the sight of them.  He hated everything they represented.

Before he could spiral too far into his suppressant depression, Eskild was barging in.  Isak wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but he’d take Eskild over his own miserable brain.

“Baby gay, I demand all the details of last night!” Eskild declared as he flung himself onto the bed next to Isak.

“Eskild, c’mon.” Isak whined, pulling his duvet up.  He really didn’t need his roommate seeing him in his boxers this early in the morning.

“No, I want all the details!  You owe me after making me think you’d been murdered in the woods and then swanning home at almost 1AM!”

And yeah, okay, Isak had said he’d text Eskild by 2300 and he definitely didn’t manage that last night because he’d been too wrapped up in Even’s company – and his arms – to even remember he had a roommate to text.

“Okay.” Isak said grudgingly.  “So he picked me up-”

“I know; I saw!  He’s so handsome!” Eskild squealed, clapping his hands together in genuine delight.

“He is.” Isak agreed, helpless to stop the blush spreading over his cheeks.

“So, the handsome guy took you out to Nordmarka.” Eskild prompted, settling in as if he was expecting Isak to talk for hours.

“He took me out to Nordmarka.” Isak nodded.  “And we got there and he took this huge picnic basket out of the boot and walked us way into the woods and off the beaten path into this little clearing he said he found one night.”

“That’s so romantic!” Eskild looked delighted and his giant grin was contagious.

“Yeah, it was.” Isak agreed.  “So he put the blanket down and pulled out all this food.  Fuck, Eskild, you should have seen it!” Isak actually laughed at the memory.  “He made so much.  There were like thirty massive sandwiches and big bags of crisps and he even made up a big thermos of hot chocolate.”

“Marry him.” Eskild said seriously.

“Please!” Isak scoffed.  “A guy would have to do a lot more than just make good food for me to break my ‘no alpha’ rule and marry him.”

“Wait, you’re dating an alpha?” Eskild sat up, fixing Isak with a serious stare.

“I don’t really know?  Maybe?  We haven’t actually established anything.” Isak admitted.  “I fell asleep pretty much as soon as I got home, so we didn’t get the chance to talk.”

“I can’t believe I’ve lived to see the day that Isak I hate alphas and everything they stand for Valtersen fell for an alpha.” Eskild crowed.  Isak wiped the smug look off of Eskild’s face by shoving him hard in the shoulder and almost toppling him off the bed.

“Oi!” Eskild yelped as he caught himself on Isak’s bedside table and pushed himself back up.

“I haven’t ‘fallen’ for him; don’t say stuff like that!” Isak exclaimed.  “I won’t tell you anything else ever again if you keep that shit up.” He threatened, to which Eskild threw his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!  Go on.” He gestured.  “He made lots of good food.  What else?”

“Okay, so he made all that food.  Which was nice, y’know?  Because most alphas like to shove cooking onto girls or omegas and stuff, so it was nice that he actually made food for us.” Isak wasn’t sure why that was such a big deal to him, but it was.

“It’s nice to be provided for.” Eskild nodded in understanding.

“I guess.” Isak squirmed a little, not wanting to think too much on it.  “So we ate a bit and then he broke out a joint and said that we were going to get high and play twenty questions.  So…that’s what we did.” He shrugged.

“That’s so fucking cute.  I think I’m going to cry.” Eskild dabbed at his eyes dramatically and Isak shoved him again.

“What?!” Eskild squawked indignantly.  “That’s fucking adorable, Isak!  I’m really happy for you that you guys had a good night.  And I’m especially glad that Mr Mysterious Alpha returned you home in one piece so I don’t have to look for a new roommate.” He winked.

“His name’s Even.” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Yes!  Even.” Eskild clicked his fingers.  “Even: the sweetest alpha in all of Oslo.” Eskild made a tada gesture as he bestowed that ridiculous title upon Even.  Although he probably wasn’t that far off from the truth.

“You’re so ridiculous.” Isak shook his head.

“And you’re so smitten; look at you!” Eskild cooed, making a move to pinch Isak’s cheek that Isak swiftly batted away.

“I’m not smitten.  We drunkenly made out and then had one date.  I just- I think maybe I could like him.  Potentially.  In the future.” Isak emphasised, but Eskild just looked at him like he knew something that Isak didn’t.

Before Isak could tell Eskild not to look at him like that, though, his phone buzzed by his leg and Eskild snatched it up.

“Eskild!” Isak gaped before lunging for his phone.

“Hey handsome, think I’ll get a second date?” Eskild read aloud from Isak’s lock screen, and Isak’s heart turned over in his chest.

“He said that?” Isak managed to snatch his phone back and, sure enough, there were the words from Even plain as day.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (11.42)
Hey handsome, think I’ll get a second date? <3

That boy was going to kill him with those god damn heart emojis, Isak was sure of it.

Isak (11.43)
I think it’s possible
maybe even LIKELY

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (11.43)
amazing!!! <3

“That’s so cute!  Look how excited he is!” Eskild fanned his face dramatically and Isak slammed his phone face down onto his chest.

“Don’t read my messages!” Isak exclaimed.  “Don’t you have your own life to live?” His phone started vibrating against his chest, which Isak took as a sign from the universe that it was time to kick Eskild out.

“Out, someone’s calling me.” He made a shooing gesture, but Eskild didn’t move.

“What if it’s Even?  What if you need your Guru’s advice?!” Eskild protested.  Isak risked a quick peep at his screen and grinned.

“It’s just Eva, so your Guru services aren’t required.  Now shoo!”

“I like Eva!” Eskild protested.  “But, I can take a hint.  You wound me, baby gay.” Eskild put his hand over his heart dramatically before rolling gracefully off the bed.

“Say hello to Eva for me.” Eskild called over his shoulder, giving a little wave with his fingers.  When Isak was sure that Eskild was out of eavesdropping distance, he answered Eva’s face time.

Before the picture had even finished loading, Eva’s voice was ringing through his speakers.

“Why did I have to find out from Jonas that you’re dating an alpha?  A third year alpha!” She demanded.

“I wasn’t going to blab about it right away!  What if the date had been a disaster and I had to hide from Even for the rest of my life to avoid the embarrassment?  I’d rather keep that shit private, thanks.” Isak shook his head, settling back against his pillows to talk to Eva.

“But I could have helped you get ready for it!” Eva huffed, blowing a long strand of hair out of her face.

“I didn’t even know what we were doing; how could you have helped me get ready?” Isak raised an eyebrow.  “Even the great Eva Mohn has limits, you know.”

“I do not!” Isak didn’t think he’d ever heard Eva sound quite so affronted.  “Besides, I could have been your emotional support.”

“You mean you could have come over and given me some Dutch courage before he picked me up.” Isak translated.

“Exactly!” Eva pouted.  “I thought we were best buddies; I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you had a date!  Isak Valtersen going on an honest to god date and I had to find out from my boyfriend!”

“Jesus, I didn’t know this was going to cause an international incident.” Isak shook his head in disbelief.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, alright?  I didn’t really think you’d find it that interesting.”

“I just want to see you happy, Isak.” Eva sighed.  “I want to help you be happy.” She fiddled shyly with the end of her braid and Isak was taken aback by the sincerity in her voice.

“Shit, Eva.” He blinked.  “That’s really sweet.  Uh, thanks?  I guess?” Isak felt his face flame up.  He wasn’t cut out for this emotional stuff.  He was probably the only omega on the planet who would rather turn and run than deal with anything even remotely emotional.

“Moving forwards.” Eva coughed awkwardly.  “Did you have a good time?  Were you safe?”

“We didn’t do anything like that.” Isak shook his head.

“Seriously?” It was Eva’s turn to raise her eyebrows, and Isak wasn’t sure if he was offended by that or not.

“Yes, seriously.  The first time we met I shoved my tongue down his throat; I want to take it slower if he wants to be a serious thing.” Isak shrugged.

“He wants to be serious?” Eva squealed excitedly, forcing Isak to hold his phone as far from his face as he could lest he be deafened.  “Do you want that too?!” Eva demanded.

Isak gave it some thought.  Some real thought.

“Yeah, I think I do.” Isak nodded slowly.

“You should go for it, Isak.” Eva said seriously.  “I know you struggled a lot with liking boys-” understatement of the century, Isak thought. “but I think it’d be nice for you to try more than just hooking up.  You deserve to have someone be there for you.”

Isak couldn’t remember the last time he had someone be there for him.  Eskild saved his life, but other than that he felt like he’d been fighting against the current all on his own for his whole life.

“Fuck, Eva, did you wake up and decide to try to make me cry today?” Isak laughed shakily.  “Where is all this coming from?”

“I don’t know.  Is it a crime to love your friends and want the best for them?” Eva asked.

“It sounds stupid when you say it like that.” Isak grumbled.  He could feel himself getting sucked back into his own thoughts again at Eva’s words and he knew it was time to end this call before Eva really did make him cry.

“Look, I have to go now.  It was good talking to you though.  Skype soon!” Isak promised, hanging up before Eva could drop any more emotional bombshells on him.  He fiddled with his phone for a few minutes after the call ended, adjusting back to the silence.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Eva had said about having someone be there for him.  Could that really be Even?  Or was he getting ahead of himself?  Did he want it to be Even?

Despite all the crappy romance novels and geriatric traditionalists preaching that omegas needed an alpha, was that what Isak wanted?  Was it what he needed?  Was he what Even needed?

How was it going to work with Isak masquerading as a beta?  Could he keep his pill popping secret from someone if they were seriously dating?

Sapiens had no idea how easy they had it; they didn’t have to think about shit like this.

Isak knew he was just talking himself round and round in circles.  He could talk himself in and out and back into something a dozen times before dinner.  He needed an outside opinion.

He needed to talk to his mama.

Chapter Text

It should have been expected for Isak Valtersen that after something incredible happened the universe would just completely shit all over him.  He had called his mum’s facility several times over the weekend, but every time he called he was told the same thing.

I’m sorry; Marianne still isn’t up for visitors just yet.

So Isak didn’t get to go talk to his mama about a boy.  It had been almost two weeks since his last visit – not the longest stretch he’d gone without seeing her by far – but with all this potential change in his life he really wanted to talk to her.

Isak ended up spending Saturday night with the boys to take his mind off it, but to make his situation even more miserable he only managed about two drinks before his stomach felt so awful that he had to stop.  He wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to the universe to make it shit on him so hard that he couldn’t even have a drink to ease his troubles.

In the end he had resigned himself to watching his friends get steadily drunker while he remained the sad sober one because no one had had the foresight to bring some pot along with them.  Isak invited these people into his home and that was how they repaid him.

By the time the boys all called it a night, Isak’s back was aching as well as his stomach and he decided that the universe was probably trying to tell him to give up with Saturday.  He dragged himself to bed with a glass of juice and resigned himself to spending the rest of his weekend lying in bed feeling sorry for himself, so he did the only thing he could think of that could make him feel better while he was sick.

He text Even.

Isak (23.22)
my back hurts :(

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.23)
damn, what did those boys do to you????

Isak (23.23)
haha
they didn’t do anything to me
they were too busy getting drunk and sucking at Fifa
it wasn’t even fun to beat them because they were THAT bad

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.24)
that drunk?

Isak (23.24)
drunker

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.24)
damn son
I thought you were getting drunk too?
you said you wanted to let loose tonight?

Isak (23.25)
my stomach didn’t feel great
I had like two drinks
can’t even get drunk without something getting in the way :(

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.25)
aw baby :(
your stomach AND your back hurt?

Isak (23.25)
yeah
I’m in bed now

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.26)
aw babe </3
I’m sorry your night didn’t go how you wanted

Isak (23.26)
me too
would have been fun to get wasted with the boys

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.27)
there’s always next week x

Isak (23.27)
I could be dead by next week, who knows
I might have something super serious wrong with me that starts as a sore back and a queasy tummy

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.29)
don’t joke about that Isak

Isak (23.29)
it’s fine, not like I have the good luck to drop dead

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.30)
Isak
stop

Isak (23.31)
chill babe
I’ll be fine
let me be dramatic while I feel crappy

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.31)
did you just call me babe :O

Isak (23.32)
………………………..no

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.32)
YOU DID
YOU CALLED ME BABE
that was adorable <3

Isak (23.34)
you’re insufferable
I text you to make me feel BETTER, not to EMBARRASS me

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.35)
omg, you did? that’s even more adorable
for real though, I’m sorry you don’t feel well xxx

Isak (23.36)
ugh
I feel so crap
bleugh

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.37)
do I need to come over to rub your back or your tummy?

Isak (23.37)
I want to tell you not to be stupid

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.38)
but?

Isak (23.38)
that does sound amazing

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.39)
I’ll come over if you want me to
seriously
can’t get enough of me huh? ;)

Isak (23.40)
oh my god
shut up

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.40)
well I did take you out last night
and now you’re already asking me to come over ;)

Isak (23.40)
not like that
I’m taking it back
you lost your back rubbing privilege for being so mean to me while I’m sick

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.41)
how will I recover from this </3
seriously though, my mum always uses a hot water bottle
maybe that will help you get through the night

Isak (23.42)
do I look like I own a hot water bottle Even

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.42)
I didn’t realise there was a hot water bottle owner “look”
just get some sleep babe
if you can sleep without my magical tummy rubs, that is ;)

Isak (23.43)
I’m not a puppy?????????????
“magical tummy rubs” smh

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.44)
my tummy rubs are magical
but you’ll never know that now

Isak (23.45)
how will I live without a tummy rub from those magical alpha hands
honestly not sure I’ll even be able to sleep knowing that

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.45)
maybe one day I’ll change my mind
does that ease your pain?

Isak (23.46)
no, still definitely in pain
I think I’m just gonna try to sleep it off

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.46)
good plan <3
let me know how you feel tomorrow <333

Isak (23.48)
sure thing mum

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.48)
haha
goodnight baby
if you do need a back/tummy rub I’m just a phone call away <3333

Isak (23.50)
wow
thanks haha
night x

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (23.50)
sweet dreams x

Despite the persistent pain, Isak fell asleep that night with a smile on his face.

***

In a tragic turn of events, Monday rolled around like it always did with no consideration for the fact that Isak still had stuff he needed to do.  He didn’t get to see his mother, so his questions remained unanswered.  He ended up sleeping through most of Sunday and then spending the evening catching up on all the homework he hadn’t done when he’d been out on a date with a cute boy.

By the time he had finished his homework to his satisfaction it wasn’t worth going to sleep.  He got to be the first one to use the kollektiv’s bathroom Monday morning, he had time to eat some breakfast, and he made his tram in plenty of time rather than by the skin of his teeth like he did most mornings.

Isak knew he would probably crash by 1300 but it was worth it to have such a good morning.

He walked into Nissen on Monday morning with a bag full of finished homework and a spring in his step.  He even had time to chill outside with the boys before class started.

“Halla, boys!” He grinned, meeting Jonas in the middle for a high five.

“You almost look like you have your shit together!” Mahdi laughed as the boys parted.

“No one would believe that.” Magnus scoffed.  “But maybe it’s your new boyfriend, huh?  Barely together a week and Isak’s trying to get his shit together!” He cheered.

“It won’t last.” Jonas said confidently.  And what the fuck?  Jonas was meant to be the one who stood up for Isak!  It was line one of the best bro code for fuck’s sake!

“Everyone tries to seem better than they are at the start of a relationship; it’s natural.  You wanna impress your new partner.” Jonas said matter-of-factly.

“Shame there’s nothing impressive about you for Eva to enjoy.” Isak smirked.  He couldn’t pass up the opportunity to rib on Jonas, even though Jonas’ theory about Isak was totally wrong.

“Besides,” Isak continued.  “I met Even when I was off my face; seems pointless to try to look like a collected individual after that.” He shrugged.

“My ears are burning.” Two slim arms were suddenly encircling Isak’s waist from behind and he almost jumped out of his damn skin.

“Even!” Magnus looked delighted, which seemed a bit weird considering that he had only met Even once briefly at a party.

“Hey.  Magnus, right?” Even stretched an arm out to shake Magnus’ hand.  “Nice to see you again.” He said politely before turning and tracing his nose along the side of Isak’s neck.

Isak couldn’t have been redder if he tried.  But he was also loving it.  Even was scenting him so obviously – so publicly – that no one could doubt that Even was his alpha.

He hated that he loved it so much.

“So, finally got bored of blowing Isak’s phone up and decided to talk to him in person instead?” Jonas arched a bushy eyebrow over at Even, and Isak was ready for the ground to swallow him whole.  If Jonas and Even were about to have an alpha-off then Isak was going to have to find a nice hole to crawl into and die because watching alphas posture gave him almost crippling second-hand embarrassment.

“I was just walking by; I couldn’t resist coming over.” Even’s arms tightened infinitesimally around Isak’s waist, and Isak couldn’t resist pressing back into his embrace.

“Good of you.” Jonas pursed his lips.

“Alright, Jonas, enough.” Isak huffed.  “You don’t need to grill the guy.” Isak tilted his head back slightly to give Even’s nose more space to roam across his throat.  He and Even had only really been a couple for a few days since their date; there really was no need for Jonas to start the protective best friend routine.

Who knew if this relationship with Even would last?  There was no point in Jonas wasting his rant now when Isak’s tentative relationship might not go past the end of the week.

Isak hoped – to the god he didn’t believe in – that their relationship did last, though.  He’d been talking to Even for over a week now and they’d been official for a few days, but he already knew that he’d miss Even so fucking much if they ended things.  He’d miss their silly texts, and the way Even could make him smile even when he was feeling sick, and although he’d only been there a few times Isak knew he’d spend the rest of his life missing how it felt in Even’s arms if they broke up.

“God, could you look any more in love?” Magnus laughed, yanking Isak out of his love drunk musings.

“They’re still in the honeymoon phase; we’ll give them some space until it wears off a bit.” Mahdi winked over at Isak, grinning that megawatt grin.

“We appreciate that.” Even grinned back, his hand slipping under Isak’s shirt and tracing light patterns over his stomach.

“That’s our cue to leave.” Jonas’ eyebrows shot up at that gesture.  “See you in maths, Isak.” Jonas held his fist out and after one quick bump the boys left Isak alone with his boyfriend in the courtyard.

“You scared off my friends.” Isak murmured, resting the back of his head against Even’s collarbone.

“No, I just came over to see if my cute boyfriend still felt like shit seeing as he didn’t text me yesterday like he said he would.” Even looked down at him pointedly and Isak squirmed a little under his intense stare, his heart clenching in his chest at Even calling him his boyfriend.

“I slept through most of yesterday, sorry.” Isak pressed a light kiss to Even’s jaw.  “I do feel better, though.  I just…forgot to tell you that.” Isak smiled sheepishly.

“Glad to hear you think of me.” Even rolled his eyes, but Isak couldn’t pick up any scent of annoyed alpha so he didn’t worry too much about it.

“I got distracted doing homework; sorry my grades are a priority.” Isak rolled his eyes back at Even and basked in the warm feeling Even’s laugh gave him.

“It’s alright.  It’s hot that you’re so smart.” Even whispered, his lips ghosting across Isak’s exposed throat.

“Hot?” Isak laughed quietly in surprise.  Despite being so open and public, Isak still felt like he and Even had their own little intimate bubble of privacy.

“Yeah.  Very hot.” Even confirmed.  Isak couldn’t have suppressed the smile that spread across his face if he tried.

“So you really feel better?” Even checked after a few seconds of happily scenting along Isak’s neck.

“Yeah, sleeping for almost 16 hours will do that for you.” Isak nodded, stretching up and burying his nose in the soft spot behind Even’s jaw.  He just couldn’t help himself.  Even smelt so good.  He smelt like aftershave and musk and fabric softener and just man and Isak couldn’t get enough of it.

“You slept for sixteen hours?  Are you sure you’re alright?” Even pressed the back of his hand to Isak’s forehead like he was testing for a fever and Isak swatted him away embarrassedly.

“Yes, I was just catching up on sleep.” He rolled his eyes.  “Why are we talking about this when there are so many better things we could be doing, hmm?” Isak looked up at Even from under his lashes and turned around in his arms so they were facing each other.

“I have a confession to make.” Even whispered roughly, sending shivers down Isak’s spine.  He almost didn’t hear the bell ring.

Almost.

“What is it?” Isak asked breathlessly, staring up at Even with wide eyes.  He needed to know Even’s ‘confession’ before he moved a single muscle in the direction of his first class; it was vital.

Even leaned in close, so close that his lips were brushing against the shell of Isak’s ear.

“I fucking love how you don’t smell like anything more than your body wash.” He whispered, and Isak had never been more grateful for his suppressants’ scent-killing side effect.  “You know why?” Isak shook his head silently at Even’s question.  “Because it means that when I scent you, you smell so much of me that no one else would be stupid enough to come onto you.” Even’s voice was low and gravelly and direct in Isak’s ear and it was enough to make him weak in the knees.

“I’ll see you later, handsome.” Even fluttered a tiny butterfly kiss under Isak’s ear and then he was gone, leaving Isak to wobble his way in a daze to his first lesson.

***

It was Wednesday when Isak finally got the call saying that his mother had been doing better the last couple of days and that she was up for visitors again, and it was like Isak could suddenly breathe again.  He had got the call at lunch time, and it made the afternoon last an eternity.

He practically ran to the tram after his last class, and he spent the whole journey trying to keep his jiggling knee still.  Anxiety trumped embarrassed, though, so Isak’s knee jerked to its heart’s content.

And why was Isak anxious?  Because although he’d come out to Jonas when he was fourteen, he had never got the chance to come out to his mother.

At first he had been too frightfully deep in the closet to even consider coming out to her, and then her religious episodes started, and then his dad left, and then they’d had to put her into assisted living.

And then, and then, and then.

But today was the day that Isak was going to come out to his mama.

Chapter Text

When Isak got to the facility the staff seemed happy to see him, which was nice he guessed.  Kind of weird; he’d never expected that to be part of his life.  Then again, there was a lot of shit in his life that he hadn’t expected so maybe he should just stop trying to plan.

“Hi, Isak.” One of the nurses gave him a quick hug on her way past and his heart warmed a little.

“Hi, Lise.” Isak smiled back.  “Have you seen my mum around anywhere?” He knew all her usual haunts but it would be a lot faster if he knew where to go straight away.

“Last I saw her she was looking after her little patch of flowers.  Heaven knows how they’re still alive in this cold!” Lise laughed before she went off to do whatever it was the nurses here did all day.  Isak took a deep breath, trying to ignore the uncomfortable tingling of anxiety in his lower stomach, and went out back to the garden.

Sure enough, his mum was bent down on her knees over her little patch of flowers.  Her jeans were faded and she was in a jumper that Isak had memories of her in dating back as far as he could remember.  It used to fit her but, in the last few years, she had started to look small and frail in its folds.  Isak liked to think it was just the jumper getting stretched out in the wash after all those years rather than the way his mother’s illness ravaged her body as well as her mind.

“Mama?” He said carefully as he walked over to her, not wanting to startle her.  She looked up and gave him a smile, but he could see the tiredness on her face.  It always took her a while to get back on her feet after an episode, so he wasn’t particularly surprised.

“Isak!  It’s so good to see you.” She got up from her flowers and pulled him into a hug, and for a moment everything else melted away and it was just Isak and his mama and her comforting earthy scent.

“Hi, mama.” He hugged her as tightly as he dared, not wanting to crush the tiny woman his mother had become.  “I was worried about you.  Are you feeling a bit better today?” He sat down with her on one of the benches and she covered his hands with her own.

“I’m tired, but I can see clearly.” She promised.  “They said that you’d been phoning; is everything alright?” Isak squirmed a little under her gaze and looked around the garden.  There weren’t many other people crazy enough to be outside for longer than they needed to be when it was almost November, but there were more people around than Isak would like for this private conversation.

“Things are really good, but I wanted to talk to you about something?” Isak fidgeted nervously and tried not to think about how badly this could go.  Coming out to his religious mother a few days after she’d recovered from a psychotic episode, what the fuck was he thinking?

“Let’s go inside.” Marianne patted his hand before getting to her feet and Isak followed quickly, letting his mother lead the way back inside and up to her little flat.  They weren’t anything fancy, but they were more than enough for Marianne: a bedroom, a small living area and a kitchenette.  Isak had thought she’d miss having her own bathroom or a proper kitchen when they first moved her there, but she always seemed happy enough with her space.

Maybe because it was 100% hers and she didn’t have to deal with Isak’s dad being there.

One day, though, he was going to get her home.

“Would you like a drink?” She offered, opening up her fridge.  “There’s juice, or water, or squash.” She rattled off.  Isak knew better than to ask where her kettle was; he hadn’t been expecting to see it considering how bad her episode seemed to have been.  He’d have to have this conversation sans-coffee.

“Water is fine.” He smiled, sitting himself down on the sofa and trying to act like his heart wasn’t going double time in his chest.

“So,” Marianne exhaled as she sat opposite him on the armchair.  “What do you want to talk about, baby?”

Now or never, Isak thought.  His hands were shaking around his glass; he could see the ripples of his anxiety in his water and he hoped that his mum was too far away to notice them.

“I’m gay.” Isak blurted out, unable to keep the words contained inside himself any longer.  He didn’t even try to analyse the look on his mum’s face before more words were pouring out.  “I know you believe in God, and that the bible isn’t exactly pro-pride, but I’m gay and I hope that doesn’t upset you or str-”

“Isak, stop.” She interrupted him, pushing off from her seat and pulling him into a hug.  Stunned, Isak let the words die in his mouth and he sat awkwardly in his mother’s embrace.  She was hugging him; that had to be a good thing right?  Or was it a so long nice knowing you sort of hug?

“Say something.” Isak choked out after she didn’t say anything else, unable to quiet his mind down.

“Isak.” His heart was in his throat as he watched his mum sit back to look at him.  “Baby, there isn’t anything that could make me love you any less.” His hands shook as she covered them with her own, and all he could think was how weathered her hands were from years of gardening.

She gave him a conspiring look before looking around her small flat.

“You’re probably the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.”

That was when Isak started crying.

It wasn’t like he was bawling his eyes out on her sofa or anything, but tears did slip out before he could stop them and it took a few desperate gulps of air before he could calm himself down enough to control himself.  He wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie, still trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, and gave his mum a shaky laugh when she wrapped her arms around him again.

“You’re my son, Isak; nothing is ever going to change that.” Marianne promised.  All Isak could do was nod and press closer, emotionally dazed from how well his coming out had gone.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Marianne asked after a minute of Isak sniffing quietly against her neck.  Her old mating mark was still there; faded and scarred and there for all the world to see that the alpha who mated her had also left her.

“Sort of.” Isak gave his eyes one last wipe and sat back against the armrest on his side of the sofa.  Marianne mirrored his position and signalled for him to keep talking.

Here goes nothing.

“I met a guy.” Isak began, not sure how else to explain it.

“Okay.” He could see his mum trying to suppress a smile, and it reassured something that he hadn’t even realised was wound tight in his chest.  “What’s his name?” She prompted when Isak struggled to think of what else to say.

“Even.  He’s in the year above me at school.  He’s- he’s an alpha.” Isak faltered over the words, not sure how his mother would react to them.  After all: an alpha had turned both their lives upside down.

“I see.” Marianne replied carefully.

“What do you think about that?” Isak swallowed, waiting to hear the words he had already thought a thousand times.  That alphas were all a bad bunch, that it would never work between him and an alpha, that an older male alpha was probably the last thing Isak needed in his life when he was coming up to a crucial time in his education.

His mum didn’t say any of that.

“I think there’s probably a lot more to him than just being an alpha.” When she saw the shocked look on Isak’s face she laughed, making Isak’s stomach clench with emotion at how well she looked.  “Were you expecting me to say that all alphas are evil and that no son of mine will go near one?”

“Well…yeah.” Isak answered, dumbfounded.

“I know your dad wasn’t a great example of an alpha-”

“He wasn’t even a mediocre example.” Isak interrupted flatly.  He could never pass up an opportunity to bad mouth his father, even if talking about him did leave a bad taste in Isak’s mouth.

“He wasn’t always like that.” Marianne shook her head, but they both knew it was a losing battle.  Isak would be resentful towards his father for leaving them both when they needed him most for the rest of his life.

“We’re not talking about your father, though, are we?  We’re here to talk about Even.” Hearing his mother say his boyfriend’s name cracked some of the chassis around Isak’s heart.

“We are.” Isak nodded.  “Sort of.  I just- we’re sort of dating now.  It’s not been going on long.” He added, not wanting his mum to think that he’d been keeping this from her for ages.

“Is he good to you?” Isak could see a seriousness in her eyes that he couldn’t remember seeing for years.

“He is.  Our first date he took me Nordmarka and he brought all this food that he’d made and we just talked for ages.  He’s really good to me.” Isak couldn’t help but smile, but his mum still saw straight through him.

“But you’re hung up that he’s an alpha.” She finished for him, and Isak felt the shame prickle up the back of his neck.

“Yeah.” He had to physically bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself adding dad messed me up pretty bad about alphas, but he was pretty sure his mum could read between the lines and hear the words he didn’t say.

“It’s tough.” She nodded.  “Alphas can be a handful.” Isak blushed hard at that and he had never wanted a black hole to suck him out of existence more than he did when his mum gave him a disbelieving look.

“Boys; always thinking with what’s in their pants.” She shook her head and Isak was ready to shrivel up and die.

“Alphas are an emotional handful.” His mum looked at him pointedly and Isak’s desire to disappear from the earth grew tenfold.  “They can be very protective or possessive, even territorial, about their partners.  And they can be so persuasive.  Especially if their partner is an omega; it’s like they always know how to butter you up to get you to agree with them.  Your dad got me to agree to so many things that I thought were stupid or a bad idea just because he was so charming about it.”

That was exactly what terrified Isak.

“I don’t want to spend my life being manipulated by someone, mama.” Isak didn’t think that should be something that had to be explicitly stated, but there he was.

“Does anyone?  A lot of omegas persuade their alphas to do things they don’t necessarily want to do because they know how to soften up their partners too.  It works both ways, Isak.” Marianne pointed out.

“I know, mama.  I just- I don’t want him to end up being like dad, I guess.  Or like those alphas who harass people on the street.” Isak rubbed his hair in frustration.  Words had never been his forte; he had never been good at expressing himself.  He knew he was probably coming off like a complete prick who was just writing Even off because of his exquis presentation, when that’s not what was happening.

The truth was that Isak had been burned so many times before – sometimes by people who didn’t even realise they were hurting him – that he wasn’t sure if he had it in him to be burnt again.

“You know, when you were growing up there were times when I thought you’d be an alpha.” At that, Isak’s mouth fell open.  “You can be so stubborn and headstrong, and you’ve always been driven.  But then you could also be so soft and sweet and emotional, and you’ve always been such a homebody and so family-orientated.  For a while I thought you’d present as an omega, like me.”

Isak’s blood ran cold, but he forced himself to chuckle.

“Turns out you were wrong on both counts, because I’m a beta.” The words tasted like ash in his mouth, but he forced them out anyway.

“That’s what I’m trying to say.  People are so complex; we can’t just narrow them down to their genetics and how they present.  Look at you, Isak: you’re a beta, but you’re also a good student, and you’re smarter than your dad and I put together, and you hold down a job, and you’re so curious about everything, and you love that loud music, and you hate broccoli but you like cauliflower even though there’s hardly any difference between them.  None of the things that make you you come from being a beta, just like I’m sure none of the things that make Even Even will come from him being an alpha.”

Had his mum always given such good advice?

“Was it hard to date an alpha?” Isak asked after he took a minute to think about his mum’s words.

“Sometimes.  Sometimes he was the most boneheaded stubborn schmuck I’d ever met.  But then there were times when he looked after me like no one else ever could or exhilarated me like nothing in the world had ever done.” Marianne sighed, and Isak felt bad for asking.  “It was a rollercoaster, but most relationships are.  I don’t think hom-ex genes have anything to do with it; human relationships are turbulent too.”

Isak wasn’t sure if that was comforting or not.

“I know it’s hard, but to really give a relationship a chance you need to be open to getting hurt.” Marianne reached over and squeezed his hand, but Isak felt a vice tighten around his heart at her words.  The thought of being hurt by Even distressed him more than he was comfortable to admit.

“No one wants to be hurt.” She acknowledged.  “But when you open yourself up to someone and they take you for who you are, there’s just no greater feeling.  You’ll never know if you don’t try, though, baby.  If you spend your whole life being safe then – sure – nothing bad will ever happen to you, but neither will anything good.”

Isak hadn’t expected this visit to his mum to involve so much raw honesty.

“If you could go back and never meet dad, if you could avoid all the ways he hurt you, would you do it?” Isak wasn’t sure what possessed him to ask that question, but for some reason the answer felt deathly important to his decision about everything.

“Not for a second.” His mum shook her head, looking completely at peace with her answer.  “Apart from anything else, I wouldn’t have you.” She gave him a smile and Isak had to do his best not to tear up again.

“Not sure if I’m worth all that.” Isak laughed shakily, but his mum shook her head.

“There are a lot of moments with your father I wouldn’t trade for the world, and a lot of lessons that I’m glad I learned, but if I was given the chance I wouldn’t undo the choice that brought my beautiful boy into the world.” She leaned across and kissed the top of his head.

“All this deep talk has made me tired.  Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Isak suddenly realised that this talk was probably as exhausting for his mum – freshly recovering from a bad episode – as it was for him, and he felt awful for dragging it out for as long as he had.

“No, mama; get some rest.  Thank you for everything.” He hugged her tightly, clinging onto these moments when she was lucid and recovery felt like a real possibility.

“Go get ’em, baby.” Marianne hugged him tightly before finally letting him go.  They exchanged a quick goodbye, because Isak could see that his mum needed a nap, and then he was leaving the facility with his mind buzzing.

His mum had definitely given him a lot to think about, but her words about living life too safely had struck something deep inside him.

He took his phone out of his pocket when he got to the tram stop and pulled up his thread with Even.

Isak (19.07)
I want to spend the weekend with you

He watched the message send and felt a surge of surety that he was doing the right thing.  He wanted to live his life, not just endure it.

He was done playing it safe.

Chapter Text

Soon – although not soon enough if the thousands of times Isak looked at his watch were anything to go by – Isak was finishing his last lesson and practically running out to meet Even.  He stopped around the corner from their agreed meeting spot to take a breath and try to make it look like he had at least some composure and hadn’t just sprinted out of class like someone had set a fire under his desk.

Once he caught his breath again Isak made a futile attempt at straightening his clothes up a bit and then rounded the corner to the bench he and Even had agreed to meet at.  Sure enough: Even was sat there being his usual Adonis self.  How Isak had landed such a good looking guy was beyond him.  He wasn’t going to question it though; if the universe thought that he should have a sexy alpha boyfriend then who was he to stand in the way of that?

More importantly: why was he just stood staring at Even when he could have been going over to him and actually interacting with him?

Isak was powerless to stop the smile that spread over his face as he walked up behind Even, and as he quickly placed his hands over Even’s eyes and whispered guess who and got to hear first hand Even’s startled and alarmed noise that smile morphed into a fully blown grin.  There may also have been some laughter, but Isak tried to stifle that so that Even could keep at least some of his dignity intact.

Isak was a good boyfriend like that.

“Your hands are freezing!” Even yelped in protest.

“They’re not that bad!” Isak rolled his eyes at Even’s dramatics.

“I feel like you just threw ice water at my face; that’s how cold they were!” Even disagreed, covering Isak’s bare hands with his own gloved up hands and removing them from over his eyes.  “We need to do something to warm you up.” Even said decisively, staring up at Isak from his seat on the bench.

“Like what?” Isak arched an eyebrow casually, but he could feel his insides clenching anxiously at the thought of Even thinking that their weekend together was solely about sex.

“I was thinking coffee.” Even’s lips twitched and that was all it took for Isak to relax.

“Caffeine sounds amazing right now.” He agreed, taking a step back as Even got up.  He just about managed to stop his jaw from going slack as Even stretched out in front of him, managing to give Isak all sorts of dirty ideas even though Even was all bundled up in his winter layers.

“Do you want to go to yours for it or do you want to grab one somewhere else?” Even checked, slotting his gloved fingers with Isak’s.

“Ugh, I only have cheap shit at home.” Isak whined, pulling Even along in the direction of the nearby KB. “Let’s get some decent coffee and take it home with us.”

“Sounds like a date.” Even winked.

“This whole weekend is a date.  Are you going to get all excited at every suggestion I make over the next few days?” Isak teased, tugging on Even’s hand playfully.

“I’m always excited when we’re together.” Even’s easily shared honesty took Isak back, but there wasn’t a force in the universe strong enough to remove the shy smile he tried to hide in his red scarf at Even’s declaration.

Because, truthfully, that was how Even made Isak feel too.  Excited.  Like maybe it was possible there was more out there for Isak than simply getting through it.  It was exhilarating and terrifying and Isak just hoped that it didn’t crash and burn around him like everything else in his life seemed to.

“Was that too real for you?” Even asked playfully when Isak had apparently been quiet for longer than was socially acceptable.  He was never good at judging those sorts of things.

“No!” Isak shook his head quickly, cringing internally about how quickly he had answered.  “I’m just tired.  My brain’s still waking up from my last class.” He added.  It wasn’t exactly a lie; he was tired, but he’d been perfectly alert in his last lesson checking his watch every thirty seconds (which Even definitely didn’t need to know).

“It’s alright; I’ve been told before that I’m a lot.” Even shrugged cavalierly, but something in Isak soured with jealousy at the thought of Even being with anyone else.  Of there being someone before him who had been in the position to tell Even anything.

Which was stupid, of course.  It wasn’t like Even had appeared magically into Isak’s life out of thin air.  Of course Even had had a life before Isak, just as Isak had had a life before Even.  Even probably didn’t like to think about Isak’s previous exploits, but Isak had never had anything serious.  He’d never had anything of substance, no first love who might waltz into his life again and steal Isak away from Even.

They hadn’t talked much about it, but Even was Even.  Of course there had been people before Isak who had fallen head over heels for him-

Not that Isak was head over heels.  His mind was just getting away from him, as usual.

“You definitely need caffeine; you keep disappearing inside that pretty head of yours.” Even laughed, and if Isak’s face hadn’t been so cold he might have blushed in embarrassment.  They’d only met up ten minutes ago and he was already blowing this weekend.

Get it together, Valtersen.

“Good thing we’re here then!” Isak smiled brightly and opened the door to KB, relishing in the blast of warm air that greeted them.

They weren’t in there for long.  Isak got his usual large coffee with a shot of flavoured syrup – because he might love the caffeine but he did not enjoy the bitterness of coffee on its own – and Even ordered himself a large cappuccino and when Even tried to pay for them both Isak had shoved his own card into the machine before Even could even get his wallet out.

It was important to him that Even didn’t think Isak was just going to roll over and let him pay for everything.  It was only a small detail, but it mattered.  Even seemed to get that, because he pulled Isak closer by the waist and softly whispered thanks with his lips brushing Isak’s cheekbone while Isak paid.

They huddled close together while they waited for their drinks, enjoying some quiet people watching, and a few minutes later they were walking out clutching their insulated take away cups filled with precious coffee.  Isak kept his close to his chest and tried to focus on the warm steam unfurling from the small hole in the lid rather than the familiar ache in his lungs that came with going back into the cold air after adjusting to warm air.

Asthma really was a bitch.

Luck was on their side, though, and they caught a tram heading towards the kollektiv just in the nick of time and they sat together taking tentative sips of their drinks to test how hot they were.

The answer was: really fucking hot.

They were both still blowing on their cups when they got off the tram, the steam billowing gently in front of their faces as Isak led them towards the kollektiv.  They talked quietly as they strolled through the streets, bumping against each other and enjoying their little bubble of quiet that neither of them seemed willing to raise their voice to break, but it wasn’t long before Isak’s chest was aching from the cold.

“Wow, you have a little courtyard and everything.” Even commented as Isak let them through the first door.

“Already planning some big romantic gesture, are you?” Isak rolled his eyes, only half joking.  He hadn’t known Even for long, but he had learnt quickly that he was all about those big dramatic gestures in movies and books and life.

The idea of a romantic alpha tickled Isak, if he was honest.  Which made him a dick, but – hey! – he knew that already.

“Maybe.” Even winked, tapping the side of his nose twice in the international signal for it’s a secret I’ll never tell.  Isak could just imagine the fit Eskild would pitch if Even woke them up at 3AM fucking serenading Isak from the courtyard.  The thought alone was enough to make Isak laugh.

“Well, just keep it to socially acceptable hours.  I have roommates, remember!” Isak scolded playfully as he let them into the building.

“Will we be seeing much of them this weekend?” Even asked casually, sipping at his cappuccino as they walked up the stairs.  Isak glanced over to see if Even looked nervous about potentially meeting Isak’s flatmates, but he looked as composed as ever.  It sickened Isak a little bit how well put together Even was considering he was pretty sure that he himself had put his underwear on backwards this morning.

“Mmm,” Isak hummed as he thought about it.  Not that he needed to think about it; he’d planned this weekend damn carefully, he just wanted to see if he could make Even sweat.  “Probably not.  Linn lives in her bed, and Noora’s usually out with her friends, and Eskild works late but he’s going out tonight and tomorrow night.  I made him swear not to bring any guys over this weekend.” Isak added, leaning against the kollektiv’s front door for a second to catch his breath.

“Ah, one of those flatmates, huh?” Even snorted.  “Always bringing home noisy lovers; so inconsiderate.” He clicked his tongue disapprovingly, but Isak was trying to get past Even using the word lovers.

“More like noisy one night stands.” Isak shook his head, finally letting Even into the flat.  “Enough talking about Eskild, though.” Isak shook his head again in the hopes of shaking a new conversation topic out of the rafters of his brain.

“Yeah, I wanna talk about you.” Even hooked a long arm around Isak’s waist and tugged him closer as they let the front door swing shut behind them.

“My coffee!” Isak definitely didn’t squeal, he protested in a very manly way about not wanting to spill his hardly touched beverage.

“I’ll buy you another.” Even promised, his words pressed hotly against the hinge of Isak’s jaw.

“But I don’t wanna go out again.” Isak huffed, wiggling out of his boyfriend’s warm embrace petulantly.

“Already ready to hole up for the weekend?  It’s barely even six!” Even teased, but Isak could hear him following him into his room.

“I’m secretly an old man; that’s my big secret.” Isak said seriously as they walked into his room, and Even’s responding belly laugh had warmth spreading through Isak that no hot drink could beat.  Isak was pretty sure he could get hooked on that feeling.

“It explains so much.” Even nodded along, dropping his weekend bag on the floor with a thump.  It made Isak hope for all the weekends ahead of them that they’d do this; that maybe one day this would be routine and not an exhilarating first.

Isak really needed to stop getting ahead of himself.  He tried to get himself to concentrate on the present while they shed their outer layers, but he got distracted at the sight of his and Even’s clothes jumbling together on his floor and promptly threw himself down onto his bed.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” Isak looked up at Even with wide vulnerable eyes, but his heart stuttered in his chest thinking about one day saying that to Even for real.

“Anything for you.” Even whispered, staring right into Isak’s eyes as he joined him on the bed.  Isak’s heart was beating quadruple time in his chest.  Even was on his bed.  He felt like a flustered virgin getting so shook by Even simply being on his bed with him, which was ridiculous.  Isak wasn’t a quivering virgin waiting to be deflowered.

And yet.

Shook Isak was.

His shook levels flew off the charts when Even closed the distance between them and pressed a soft kiss to Isak’s lips, which parted in surprise.  Even, ever the gentleman apparently, didn’t take advantage of the opening and just pressed another tender kiss to Isak’s cupid bow before pulling away.

“Drink your coffee before it goes cold, babe.” Even was trying to suppress his smirk as he settled with his back against the wall, but it took all of Isak’s brainpower to just close his goddamn mouth.

“You’re unbelievable.” Isak shook his head, moving into a sitting position and shuffling up next to Even.  He reached over Even to grab his coffee cup from the bedside table, making sure to rub ‘accidentally’ against Even’s chest.

“Hey, you wanted to enjoy that coffee!  I’m just being a good boyfriend!” Even disagreed as he grabbed his cup off the table too.

It was so easy.

Everything with Even – the banter, the touching, the dates, all of it – felt as natural as breathing.

Isak was beginning to wonder how he had lived this long without Even by his side.  He didn’t want to be one of those omegas who got hooked on their alpha – not that Even was his alpha with capitals H A like some chick flick – but he was starting to think that that he was going to be one of those guys who got hooked on their boyfriend.

They settled on the bed with ease: Even’s arm draped lazily over Isak’s shoulders and Isak tucked up into Even’s side, the two of them exchanging little details about their days and sipping their coffees.  Regardless of Isak’s thick duvet covering the two of them, the atmosphere they had created between them was cosy as fuck.

Isak had never thought of his room as cosy but, with Even, it was.

It was only a couple of hours later when Isak’s stomach growled that he realised they would need to leave their cocoon of warmth for dinner.

Which he hadn’t planned for.

Because apparently he forgot that he and Even would need to eat.

Because he was an idiot.

“Are you hungry or is the monster under your bed trying to tell me to piss off?” Even joked, covering Isak’s belly with his hand and spreading his fingers.  Immediately Isak’s brain threw up images of Even doing that same gesture over Isak’s pregnant belly, and Isak jerked back like someone had poured boiling water over him because no way was he thinking about babies.

“The monster under my bed will have to get over itself.” Isak laughed shakily, trying to play off the way he had practically catapulted himself off the bed when Even touched him.

“Maybe we should get some dinner and give it time to cool off, huh?” Even grinned, not saying anything about Isak’s sudden awkwardness.

“Good idea.  You can come to the kitchen but I don’t- there’s not- I didn’t-” Isak stammered, feeling the heat rush up his face.

“Why don’t we just see what you have?  There’s always take out if you haven’t got anything.” Even added, which made Isak feel like even worse of a host.  He forgot to plan for dinner; what sort of idiot forgot dinner?  If it resorted to take out then there was no way he was going to let Even put any money towards it; it wasn’t Even’s fault that Isak was a moron.

“Kitchen’s this way.” Isak nodded his head down the corridor, glancing both ways as he stuck his head out of the sanctuary of his room for any nosy flatmates.

When he decided that the hall was acceptably Eskild-free he held his hand out to Even and pulled him along to the kitchen.  Sure enough: Isak’s shelf in the fridge had nothing but a tub of butter, a carton of milk, and a big bottle of Fanta, and his shelf in the cupboard had one lonely bag of pasta shapes and a most likely out of date box of Frosties.

It was nothing short of humiliating.

He’d been tight on money this month and he hadn’t really thought about doing a basic food shop before Even came over because he fucking forgot about dinner.  He was sure that eggs could have been fried on his face right then and there, if only he’d had some fucking eggs.

He was mortified.

He was sure that Even lived somewhere nice where his kitchen was always at least semi-stocked to feed someone, unlike Isak who was scrimping and saving his mediocre wages and could only offer chewy cereal or plain pasta.

“Take out tonight, and next week I cook you dinner.” Even decided, wrapping his arms around Isak’s waist from behind.  He was either unaware of Isak’s internal breakdown over the differences in their living situations or he was being the nicest person in the world about it and Isak wasn’t sure which of those options he liked more.

“It’s on me.  Get whatever you want.” Isak reached for his little stash of take out menus and handed them over to Even in defeat, but Even dropped them straight onto the counter.

“Is, it’s alright.” Even cupped his face gently and tipped his head up so that Isak had no choice but to look at Even’s face unless he wanted to be really obvious about not looking at him.

“I forgot about dinner.” Isak was so fucking embarrassed, he couldn’t help the way his eyes skittered away from Even’s face.

“I would have forgotten about dinner too if your stomach hadn’t growled.  I was too caught up in being with you to think about food.” Even kissed his forehead.  “So you don’t have a lot of food in right now, so what?  There’s plenty more dinners ahead of us where you’ll have a stocked kitchen or we’ll be at mine or we’ll be eating out with friends or we’ll be feeling lazy and getting take out.  One day we’ll laugh about tonight.” Even promised, catching Isak’s eye again.

Hope swelled inside Isak’s chest listening to Even talk about their future like it was such a sure thing.

“Okay.” Isak whispered, his hands coming up to cover Even’s.  “I believe you.” He gave Even a slightly wet smile and Even ran his thumbs easily across the soft skin beneath Isak’s eyes.

“I’m gonna go look at those menus now.” Even whispered, kissing Isak’s nose in a gesture so soft and swift that if Isak had blinked he’d have missed it.

They took Isak’s stash of menus back to his room – because Isak didn’t particularly enjoy feeling so vulnerable right there in the open of his communal kitchen – and snuggled up under his duvet.  He lay his head on Even’s shoulder and offered his insights to some of the local take out places while Even read, but other than his occasional comment they lay together in silence.

Eventually they had their order sorted and had struck a deal that if Even made the call Isak would pay for the meal, which Even still wasn’t too happy about but when he saw that Isak wasn’t going to budge he conceded and made the phone call.  Seeing as it was Friday night and it was almost 20.30 they’d been told it was going to be about an hour before their food got to them so Isak had suggested they play some video games to pass the time.

It turned out that while Even’s alpha was mostly dormant from what Isak had seen, he had a competitive side that – honestly – turned Isak on just a little.  The concentration on his boyfriend’s face would have been adorable if it hadn’t been so intense.  Isak wished Even was looking at him like that, but at the same time he wasn’t sure if he’d survive that experience.

Hell, Isak even found Even’s trash talking sexy.

He was truly gone for that boy.

Time flew by while they played, frantically trying to outdo each other, which meant that dinner felt like it arrived just minutes after they’d phoned.  Isak had dashed out of their little sanctuary to get their food and then hurried back in with some forks and his bottle of Fanta.

It wasn’t anything fancy, but it felt just right.  They sat on Isak’s bed opposite each other with their containers spread around the bed, both occasionally sipping from the Fanta bottle, streaming something on Netflix onto Isak’s TV for background noise.

It was gone ten by the time they had both finished their dinner and cleared away the empty cartons, and they were both flagging.

“How do people party every weekend?” Isak grumbled as they shuffled back to the bedroom.

“Not everyone is a little old man secretly.” Even winked, but then he yawned which – in Isak’s opinion – discredited him completely.

“See, even the cool guys get tired after ten.” Isak snorted, rubbing at his face tiredly.  “I’m gonna go shower, you alright?” Isak checked.

“Yeah, I shower in the mornings, so you can shower for as long as you want.” Even smiled, flopping back down on Isak’s bed with his phone like he was there every night.  That warmth spread through Isak’s stomach again, and he tried not to think about how quickly he was falling for Even.  He grabbed his towel and his shower caddy – it was easier than cluttering up the bathroom, the kollektiv had all agreed – and left Even to entertain himself for ten minutes.

Isak showered and brushed his teeth and – after double checking that the door was locked – took his suppressants out of where he’d hidden them in his shower caddy for the weekend.  He swallowed his evening pill quickly, shuddering at the taste, and then crammed everything back into the caddy.

When Isak went back to his room he thought that Even had fallen asleep sat up, but he pulled his sweats on under the towel just in case.  Turned out to be the right decision because Even whistled lowly at him when he dropped the towel, even though all the goods were covered up.

“Ha ha.” Isak rolled his eyes, pulling a shirt over his head and clambering into bed next to him.  They both set their phones on charge and made sure they had no alarms set by accident, and after Even made a quick trip to the toilet they were finally both sinking under the covers and squirming closer together.

“Goodnight, Isak.” Even whispered into the darkness, and to his surprise Isak felt a lump rise in his throat.

It had been a long time since he had had someone sincerely wish him goodnight before he went to sleep.  He forced himself to swallow down the lump of unexpected emotion before he replied.

“Goodnight, Even.” He tucked his head under Even’s chin and practically melted into the mattress when Even’s arm wrapped around his torso.

Isak didn’t think he’d ever felt safer than he did right there.

***

When Isak finally woke up he was aware that there was someone else in his bed.  It took him a few seconds to remember that Even was staying for the weekend.  That it was Even pressed up behind him so soft and warm.

He couldn’t stop the little smile that spread over his face as he burrowed back against Even, seeking out that warmth, and-

Oh.

Oh.

That definitely wasn’t soft.

Isak had undoubtedly backed up onto Even’s morning wood.

The conflict immediately started inside his head as he froze.  From the sound of his soft even breathing Even was still asleep and had no idea that Isak had practically just thrown himself onto Even’s dick, which was way ahead of Even in terms of waking up and greeting the day.  Isak knew he’d told Even he wanted to take it slow between them, but it was kinda hard – ha – to think of that when Even’s hard dick was so tantalisingly close that Isak could almost taste it.

And wouldn’t that be a way to wake Even up?

They hadn’t really talked about this sort of scenario, though.  What if Even wasn’t into somnophilia and Isak waking him up by sucking him off was a deal breaker?  Even was asleep; he couldn’t exactly consent.

So no morning blow job.

Not until they’d talked about it at least.

It was getting harder and harder for Isak to keep his train of thought on track, because every slight movement made Even’s cock move against his ass and Isak wanted nothing more than to grind back.  His own dick was quickly waking up in his sweats and Isak was seriously considering sticking his hand down his boxers to take off some of the pressure when Even groaned behind him and rocked his hips against Isak’s ass.

Isak melted into the contact, pushing his hips back for more.  He had to bite his lip to stave off the moan that threatened to crawl up his throat when Even pressed his face against the side of his neck, clearly still asleep but minutely rocking his hips against Isak’s ass.  If it lasted much longer Isak was pretty sure that his conscience was going to float away and he was just going to grind back against the hot alpha cock that was right there for the taking.

“Isak,” Even mumbled, tucking his face closer to Isak’s scent gland and using the arm around Isak’s waist to pull him back onto his dick.  If he didn’t feel like a guitar string that was being pulled too tight he might have laughed at Even having a dirty dream about him, but as it was the situation was just frustrating.

He needed his boyfriend to wake up so he could grind back without feeling like a creep who was taking advantage of someone who was asleep, dammit.

Even, however, seemed in no rush to leave dreamland and dream-Isak.  He kept thrusting shallowly against Isak’s ass, his arm tight around Isak’s stomach, and it was making Isak’s brain melt.  He’d never gone slowly with someone before; usually grinding was something quick and dirty that lead up to the main event, but this felt like an experience in itself.

An experience that would have been so much better if Even was awake.

Isak reached breaking point when he shifted slightly against Even and it caused Even’s fingertips to brush against the sensitive skin between his hips.  His breath caught in his throat and his hips jerked into the contact while his head tipped back in pleasure from just that simple touch.

Unfortunately, it tipped right back against the top of Even’s head with a crack.

“Fuck.” Even mumbled, hiding his face in Isak’s neck and taking his hand – no! – away from Isak’s stomach to touch the top of his head.

“It’s what you deserve.” Isak groused.  Now he had the hard on from hell and a head injury; what sort of bullshit was that?

“I was asleep!” Even argued, his voice about five octaves deeper with sleep.  And, fuck, that voice was hot.

“Yeah, and giving me a massive case of blue balls.” Isak huffed, adjusting his dick in sweats to make a point.  Even’s eyes zeroed in on that motion, and Isak didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened and his tongue flickered out to lick his lips.

“I was having the nicest dream.” Even whispered, wrapping his arm back around Isak’s waist.

“Yeah, I figured that when you started grinding against my ass.” Isak said drily.

“But now I’m thinking that nothing could be sweeter than watching you touch yourself again.” Even’s voice seemed to rumble straight from his chest and Isak was complete putty in Even’s arms listening to it.

“How about now you’re awake, you touch me.” Isak challenged, tilting his head back to look Even in the eye.

“It’s the least I could do after accosting you in your sleep.” Even nodded, his dark eyes focused completely on Isak’s face.

“It is.” Isak agreed, stretching out languorously against Even.  When Even didn’t make any sort of move, Isak took matters into his own hand and wrapped his fingers around Even’s wrist and in a move far braver than anything he could recall in recent memory he moved Even’s hand to the obvious bulge in his sweats.

“You said you wanted to go slow.  Are you sure?” Even checked, not a single finger twitching to touch Isak.

“Fuck, Even, yes, I’m sure.  If you don’t fucking do something I’m going to go shower and deal with it alone.”

That was all the consent Even needed, apparently.  He palmed at Isak’s neglected cock, huffing out a groan against Isak’s throat like he’d been waiting a lifetime to touch him.

“Clothes.  Off.” Even growled, and Isak was more than willing to get behind that idea.

“You too.” He panted, frantically getting out of his clothes.  There was a brief second where he got tangled up in his shirt, but thankfully Even helped him move his arm and the shirt flew right off joining the rest of his clothes on the floor.

That was when Isak realised that he now had a naked and willing Even in his bed and they were still in the spooning position.  That wouldn’t do; that wouldn’t do at all.  Isak wanted to see what his boyfriend was packing.  Actually: he wanted about a dozen different things and he wanted them all right now, but when he moved to roll over Even stopped him.

“Like this.” Even whispered, searching Isak’s face for any sign that he wasn’t alright with that position.

“Fuck, okay.” Isak agreed, lying back against Even and grinding back on his dick.  If it had felt good through their clothes, it was nothing compared to skin on skin.  It had been so fucking long since Isak had touched someone and had someone touch him.  There was no way he was going to last once they really got going, but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

He could feel every pulse and throb of Even’s cock, every burst of precome and every bump and ridge, he could feel it all where Even was rutting against the cleft of Isak’s ass.  The noises were pouring out of him – a real tell that he hadn’t been touched in fucking forever – and they only seemed to spur Even on.

“Yeah, you like that, baby?” Even groaned, leaving biting kisses over Isak’s throat.  Isak was helpless; he showed his throat like he was begging for a bite – the bite – while Even fucked between his ass cheeks.  “Yes, show that pretty throat.” Even hissed and Isak was starting to realise that Even may have been more of an alpha than he had previously thought.

It shouldn’t have been as hot as it was, but Isak keened at Even’s words and tipped his head as far back as he could.  He was preening for his alpha and there was no doubt about it.

“Fuck.” Even moaned, his face disappearing into Isak’s neck where he began an assault of kisses.  There was tongue and teeth and when he bit over Isak’s pulse point Isak’s dick throbbed desperately between his legs and a fresh burst of precome welled up at the tip.  This position wasn’t enough, Isak could tell that already, but he was loving the feeling of Even pressed up behind him too much to want to change it too much.

As if Even was reading his mind, he chose that moment to hook his hand behind Isak’s top knee and hitch his leg up to his chest.

“I want to fuck your thighs, baby, is that alright?” Even was licking all over his throat and it was making Isak positively fucking delirious.

“Yes, yes, yes, do it.” Isak’s hips were bucking helplessly.  He felt too big for his skin; he was going to combust before he even reached his orgasm because the universe hated him enough for that to happen.

“Lube?” Even questioned, tracing his fingers along the sensitive skin on the insides of Isak’s thighs.  Isak was pretty sure no one had ever touched him there, and his eyes fluttered at the contact.  “Isak, baby, where’s your lube?” Even asked again, catching Isak’s earlobe between his teeth and pulling a noise out of Isak that he was sure he’d never made before.

“C-cabinet.” Isak managed to get out, reaching out blindly for it.  Even seemed more in touch with his brain than Isak was at that point, because he found the bottle in seconds flat and at the familiar snick of the bottle cap opening Isak’s heart turned over in his chest.  Isak really hadn’t meant for this weekend to be a sex fest, but how could anyone resist a hot hard cock when they literally woke up rubbing it?

“I’m gonna make you feel so good.” Even promised in his low gravelly voice as he poured lube into the palm of his hand.  The bottle was discarded somewhere and then Isak heard the familiar sound of a lubed up hand slicking up and down a cock.  Some part of his brain protested at that, because he wanted to be the one touching Even’s cock, but then Even’s slick cock was moving between his thighs and Isak forgot everything he had ever known.

It took a few thrusts for Isak’s brain to catch up and he closed his legs, creating a slick tight channel for Even to fuck into.

And, fuck, did it feel amazing.

Even’s cock was hot and wet and smearing precome all over Isak’s thighs and he couldn’t remember ever feeling this turned on.  Even’s cock slid under Isak’s balls and up his taint and finally up past his dick and then back again and the friction was driving Isak wilder and wilder with every thrust.

He was chanting Even’s name over and over, pushing back against his thrusts in a desperate chase for Even’s dick.  His thighs were soaked with lube and precome, the rest of him was covered in sweat, and the heat between his back and Even’s front was like a fucking sauna.  Isak was sure he was going to die, it felt so good.  When his head fell back against Even’s shoulder, Even immediately ducked down and licked at the sweat pooling in the divot of Isak’s collarbone.

“Not gonna last.” Isak shook his head, suddenly aware of how sweaty his hair was as the cool air moved through it.

“Me neither.” Even sucked a bruise under Isak’s collarbone and watched with dark eyes as Isak’s hips jerked.  “You need a hand, baby?” Even moved the arm that he had had draped over Isak’s waist so that his fingertips trailed down to Isak’s hips.  All Isak could do was nod furiously; he knew it was going to be over the moment Even’s touched him, but he was ready.

He was so fucking close.  He felt like he’d been waiting for an eternity for this orgasm, when in reality it had probably only been about forty minutes since he first woke up.  It was a miracle he’d lasted as long as he had, if he was honest.

“Touch me, Ev, touch me, pl-” Isak’s begging was cut short by Even’s blissfully slick fingers wrapping around his neglected cock.  All it took was three wet tugs timed perfectly with the thrusts of Even’s dick between his thighs and Isak was – finally, finally – coming.

He shook and gasped his way through it, coming harder than he ever had before, making a complete mess of his chest.  His thighs clamped down around Even’s cock and he arched his neck to show his alpha his throat, and that was the final straw for Even who came hard over Isak’s dick and lap.  Through the haze in his mind Isak could feel Even’s hot come marking his most intimate parts and he whined high in his throat.

He wanted to be marked.  He wanted everyone to know that Even had chosen him over all others.  The logical part of his brain – that tiny part that had escaped the flood of amazing orgasm chemicals – said that he and Even hadn’t been together that long and he should settle for what he just got rather than go asking for a mating bite after just one date.

It was all too much thinking for Isak.  He was never at his intellectual peak after shooting his brain out of his dick, so sue him.

He was aware of Even talking to him, but his brain was still unable to process those sounds into words with actual meanings.  Was it possible to come so hard that you left your physical body and entered the astral plane?  Isak was starting to think it was.

His eyes felt heavy, and the world kept disappearing and reappearing foggily.  Even had apparently fucked him right back to sleep.  He could feel Even rubbing something soft – possibly his hoodie? – between Isak’s legs and then up his chest to clean off all the come.  Isak was still trying to return to his body, so he remained soft and pliant like a marshmallow in Even’s arms.

“Go back to sleep, baby.” Even whispered, brushing a kiss over Isak’s cheekbone.

Only if you stay with me, Isak wanted to say, but his body was still alien to him and he couldn’t make the words leave his mouth.  Even seemed to know what he needed, though, because he was lying back down and pulling Isak into a cuddle.

Isak was just falling into a dead sleep, but Even’s voice caught on the very edge of his consciousness.

“You’re incredible, Isak.” He felt a soft kiss to his forehead, and then his consciousness finally slipped away and left Isak to recover from the best orgasm of his life.

Chapter Text

The next time Isak woke up his body could tell it was considerably later than when he went to sleep.  He opened his eyes groggily and his eyes did a bleary circuit of the room; from the amount of light coming in through his shitty curtains Isak figured it was probably past noon.  It sounded like it was chucking it down with rain, which just made Isak want to burrow back under his duvet and never come out.

He snuggled back against Even and pulled the duvet tighter around himself, not prepared to let the chill of the day get to his naked skin yet.  He rolled over and buried his face in Even’s shoulder, hoping that he could just go back to sleep, but his brain was steadily waking up for the day.

Memories rushed through his mind, slick noises and high moans and desperate movements, and Isak waited for his neurotic brain to start over thinking that morning’s experience with Even until he was a stressed out mess.

But the anxiety never came.

There was no embarrassment about how desperate he had been, and no dubious regret about moving too fast with Even; nothing.  All Isak felt was a bone deep satisfaction and an even deeper sense of closeness to his boyfriend.

And stickiness.

Definitely stickiness.

Now that Isak had woken up enough to notice that the inside of his thighs still felt tacky he couldn’t un-notice it.  He needed a shower.  Like, immediately.

Even’s arm was warm and tight around his stomach and, as much as Isak wanted to stay cosy in his boyfriend’s embrace, he knew he needed to move.  He didn’t want to wake Even, though, so he lifted Even’s arm carefully and shimmied across the mattress.  He was about to place Even’s arm back down on the bed in victory when Even groaned behind him and wound his arm back around Isak’s waist.

“Stay.” Even complained, pulling Isak back down.

“I need to shower, babe.  I’m sticky everywhere.” Isak tried not to laugh at the petulant pout that bloomed across Even’s face in response.

“We’re both sticky.  We’re sticky together.” Even mumbled sleepily.  Isak had no idea what point Even was trying to wake, and he wasn’t convinced that Even knew either.  “And you smell good like this.” Even added, nosing at Isak’s definitely bruised throat.

“Like this?” Isak raised an eyebrow.  “You mean covered in your stale come?”

“Mhmm.” Even hummed approvingly and Isak rolled his eyes.

“That is such an alpha thing to say.” Isak huffed.  “I feel gross.  Let me go shower.”

“Isak.” Even whined, dragging out the ‘I’.

“Even.” Isak whined back.

“What time is it?” Even grumbled, in what Isak hoped was the beginning of his admittance of defeat.

“Like half one.” Isak answered after a quick glance at his phone.

“Ugh.” Even groaned, rolling away and leaving Isak’s skin bereft of his warmth.  Isak couldn’t help but smile at how badly Even apparently dealt with waking up.  He sat up and crossed his legs, postponing his shower for a few minutes to just look at Even in his morning dishevelment.

“Do you have a plan for the day?” Even asked as he slung his arm over his eyes, giving Isak a damn fine view of the pale skin and muscles that chased his ribs up his side.

Even was always a sight to see; whether he was perfectly put together or laid half asleep on Isak’s bed.  Especially when he was half asleep on Isak’s bed, in fact.

“Shower.  Homework.  Normal Sunday stuff, I guess?” Isak wasn’t really sure what Even was expecting from him.  It was Sunday; who the hell did actual things on Sundays?

“Chill.” Even nodded drowsily.

“You can sleep a bit more if you want.” Isak couldn’t help himself; he reached over and trailed his fingertips along the soft flesh of the inside of Even’s forearm that was teasing him from across the bed.

“Mmm, and miss the chance to shower with you?” Even finally moved his arm away from his face, giving Isak a cheeky wink.

“I’m showering to get rid of the stickiness, not add to it.” Isak rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny the way his stomach clenched at the idea of sharing a shower with his boyfriend.

“It’ll all wash away.” Even promised, his eyes flicking down as if he knew he was getting to Isak.

“That may be, but I can’t afford the increase in the water bill if we fuck about in the shower.” Isak patted Even’s head consolingly.

“Fine.” Even pouted.  “I’ll shower after you.  Alone.” He sounded put out, but Isak could tell he was just kidding.

“A man has to have some secrets, you know.” Isak winked as he got off the bed.

“Like what, his hair care routine?” Even snorted.  He stopped suddenly, though, looking at Isak’s surely fluffy bed head.  “Actually, you probably do have a top secret hair routine.” Even mused.

“Me?!” Isak exclaimed.  “I do not!  You’re the one with the gravity defying hair; if anyone has a hair routine here it’s you!”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Even winked.

“I let you fuck my thighs and this is how you repay me.” Isak shook his head in mock disbelief, turning away and finding some boxers to wear to the bathroom so he didn’t scar Linn or Noora (if she was back).

“I think you’ll find that I repaid you with a damn good orgasm.” Even’s voice dropped an octave and Isak’s stomach clenched again.

“It was alright.” Isak shrugged, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder to see how Even looked, and grabbed his shower caddy.

“Just alright?  The amount of come I had to wipe off your abs this morning would suggest otherwise.” Even disagreed, and Isak made sure not to turn around so that Even couldn’t see how his face flamed at Even’s words.

“You think whatever you want to think, babe.  I’m gonna go shower now.” Isak tried to sound chill and laid back but his dick was definitely starting to stir the more he thought about what they had done that morning.

He hurried out to the bathroom before Even could say anything else and send him over the edge to fully hard.  When he made it to the sanctity of the bathroom he locked the door behind himself and took a deep breath to slow his thundering heart down.  Everything was so easy with Even, and yet is still made his pulse rush in his ears.

Once he had calmed himself down enough he dumped his caddy on the side of the bath and – after double checking the lock – swallowed his morning suppressant dry.  It tasted like shit and, on Isak’s empty stomach, felt pretty awful too.  Isak tried to push away the queasy feeling that came with taking his pills without food and turned the shower on, dropping his dirty boxers and stepping under the spray as it warmed up.

The initial shock of cold helped clear his head of the Even fog, but he sighed in relief when the water warmed up and he could relax.  He washed his hair quickly and then washed everywhere else twice to be sure he was well and truly clean of come.

He stepped out of the shower feeling like a new – incredibly clean – man and took his time drying himself off.  He never usually bothered with that, preferring to just air dry while he got ready in his room, but after his cleanse extraordinaire he felt like he should go all out.  Once he felt suitably clean and dry he wrapped the damp towel around his waist and, after brushing his teeth, took his caddy back to his room.

Even wasn’t in his bed, which surprised him.  He had half expected to get back and find his boyfriend asleep again, but apparently Even had decided to greet the day as well.  Taking advantage of the empty room Isak dropped his towel and got ready.

Read: he sprayed some deodorant on, and dressed in sweats and a hoodie.

It was Sunday, alright, he didn’t need to dress up.  It wasn’t like when he was little and Sunday was the day they all wore their church best and went out as a family.  Now Sundays were a day for naps and homework.  And, if Even could be found, a day for being lazy and domestic with his boyfriend.

He padded out into the hall and immediately heard noise coming from the kitchen.  Part of that noise was definitely Eskild’s laugh and Isak had to swallow back a groan.  He hadn’t intended for Even to meet Eskild alone.  God knows what sort of shit Eskild was talking about!

Isak went into the kitchen slowly, not sure he wanted to know what was going on, but when the smell of cooked food hit his nose he moved a little bit faster.  Noora was going to kill him if Even was cooking with her food-

“Isak!  Why didn’t you tell me your boyfriend was so charming?” Eskild trilled, shooting him an accusing stare across the kitchen.

“I’ve literally just walked in.” Isak held his hands up in defence.  He looked away from Eskild to the much more agreeable sight of Even wearing his clothes and cooking as if he had lived there his whole life.

“Morning, baby.” Even crossed the kitchen and cupped his face, giving him a quick kiss before going back to the stove.

“Afternoon, actually.” Eskild chirped helpfully.  “You two lovebirds wore each other out last night, huh?” Eskild winked.

“You weren’t even here when we fell asleep, Eskild, fucking hell.” Isak rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to Even.  “I wasn’t expecting you to be awake yet.” He walked over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind.  Even still smelt a bit stale, but Isak couldn’t be mad about that considering he had been the one hogging the shower.

Not to mention the fact that it looked like Even had made enough breakfast for everyone in the flat.

“The bed isn’t as comfy without you.” Even shrugged.  Isak’s heart turned over at his words, and he was sure he was blushing like a twelve year old.

“You two are too cute!” Eskild exclaimed, spreading his hand over his heart dramatically.

“Piss off.” Isak groaned, burying his face between Even’s shoulder blades.

“Be nice, babe, he let me use his food to cook with.” Even laughed, jostling Isak’s head with the movement.  At the reminder of the sad state of his own food cupboard Isak’s stomach burned with embarrassment.

Suddenly the food didn’t smell so amazing after all.

“It was really just so I could keep this gorgeous specimen in my kitchen.  I couldn’t care less about breakfast mid-afternoon!” Eskild waved his hand airily, oblivious to Isak’s embarrassment.

“Well, I have homework to do.  So…I’ll let you cook.” Isak swallowed and took a step back, already missing Even’s warmth.

“Babe, stay.” Even half turned and grabbed Isak’s hand.  “Make some coffee.  We can chill in here together while I cook.” Even suggested, but the more Isak was in the kitchen the more sour his stomach felt.  He was actually starting to wonder if he was going to be sick.

Those fucking pills, he thought bitterly.

“No, I don’t actually feel very hungry.” That was an understatement.  “You eat.  Save me some?” Isak had to look like he was at least making an effort to eat some of the food Even had been so kind as to make for them.

“I’ll have brunch with you, Even!” Eskild offered, making Even roll his eyes fondly.  That was something, at least; Eskild didn’t seem to drive Even up the wall like he did Isak.

“We’ll save you some.” Even kissed Isak again and it pulled a weak smile from Isak.

“Thanks, baby.  It really does smell amazing.” Or it had, until Isak’s stomach decided it didn’t like his morning pill.

“You look a bit pale.” Even smoothed a damp curl off of Isak’s forehead before placing the back of his hand against Isak’s forehead.  “Do you feel okay?” Even asked worriedly.

“Just a bit queasy.  It happens sometimes; I’ll be fine.” Isak promised, removing Even’s hand from his forehead.

“I’ll bring you some tea.” Even promised.  “Go back to bed.” He kissed Isak’s nose and it warmed Isak’s heart.

“Aw, young love.” Eskild sighed, and Isak had to resist the urge to chuck Eskild out of the nearest window.

“Shut up, Eskild.” Isak muttered grouchily as he left the kitchen and padded back to his room.  He could hear vaguely hear Even and Eskild talking in the kitchen as he curled himself up on the side of the bed that Even had occupied all night, turning his laptop on to distract himself from the thought of all the terrible things Eskild could be telling Even about him.

Now that was the sort of thing that could give a guy a stomach ache.

Isak was no stranger to suppressant side effects; he had long ago found the perfect position to curl up with his laptop and do his homework.  So that was what he did.  He had just started getting into a roll with his literacy essay when Even came in.

“I come bearing gifts.” Even said as he set down the steaming mug of tea and the plate of toast on the bedside table.

“Thanks.” Isak smiled.  It had been a while since someone had taken care of him like this and he wasn’t ashamed to say that he was enjoying it.

“I’m gonna go shower now that you’re finally out of it.” Even teased and Isak took a sip of his tea nonchalantly.

“Well, if you hadn’t left me such a come-covered mess then I wouldn’t have had to shower for so long to wash it off, would I?” He rebuffed, sighing quietly at the way the tea settled his stomach a little.

“If you hadn’t looked and sounded like something straight out of a wet dream I wouldn’t have come so much.” Even disagreed, his eyes darkening slightly.

“Well, I can’t help being gorgeous, can I?” Isak laughed, ignoring the way pain shot through his stomach.  “Now go shower; you smell like stale Doritos.” He prompted, looking back down at his laptop screen.

“Bossy little beta, aren’t you?” Even laughed, but he bent down and grabbed a smaller bag from his weekend bag.  “I’m going to clean up and then I’ll be back and we can just chill in bed and do homework and cuddle, since you’re not feeling great.” Even decided, and Isak nodded.

That sounded pretty damn good to him.

Even went off to shower and Isak could hear him humming through the shitty walls, but he tried to concentrate on his homework rather than Even’s rendition of an All-American Rejects song.

True to his word Even came back – smelling clean and musky and fucking amazing – and sat with Isak and broke out his own homework.  They worked in easy quiet for almost an hour until Isak’s curiosity finally won out.

“Did Eskild say anything about me?” He blurted out in the middle of trying to balance a chemical equation.

“Not really.” Even shrugged.  “He asked who I was staying over with and I told him, and he told me to make sure to use a condom.” Isak could hear Even rolling his eyes.  “We just sort of talked.  He asked me about school and my future prospects and stuff.  Told me that if I hurt you he would rain hellfire down on me.  Normal stuff.” Even shrugged again.

“He said that?” Isak knew he wasn’t exactly being specific, but the thought of Eskild caring enough to threaten his boyfriend had him feeling all choked up.

“He did indeed.” Even nodded.  “I was actually a little bit intimidated.” He admitted, which made Isak smile.

“Eskild’s harmless.” As much as Isak complained about his roommate he knew that much for sure.

“I wouldn’t be so sure; pixies can be a nightmare.” Even shuddered.

“Who’d have thought: my big strong alpha afraid of pixies.” Isak cooed, making Even blush a little.

“I’m not afraid, I’m just cautious.”

“Well, either way, I promise Eskild won’t do anything terrible to you on my watch.” Isak reached back and patted Even’s thigh, still tightly curled up to stave off his stomach pains.

After getting his reassurance that Eskild hadn’t blabbed Isak’s whole life story to Even in the kitchen they lapsed back into silence and got on with their work.  Every now and then they took little phone checking breaks, Isak showing Even stupid things on his facebook feed and making him laugh for a few minutes before they went back to their work.

The afternoon passed quickly in a blur of literature analysis and chemical equations and the tiny bit of history that Isak could be bothered to do, and before he knew it the streetlights were lighting up outside.

“Let’s put the homework away now and just cuddle for a bit before I have to go?” Even suggested, and Isak couldn’t agree fast enough.  They double checked everything had been saved and then put their stuff away before finally snuggling together in the middle of the bed.

Isak had a throbbing headache from so much reading and his stomach still hurt like hell, but with his head on Even’s chest and Even’s warm hand spread over his abdomen it all felt a bit more manageable.  Even’s other hand was alternating between smoothing over Isak’s hair and running through his curls, and it was the most relaxed Isak had ever felt.

“Is it bad that I never want to leave?” Even whispered.  Isak shook his head minutely.

“No.” He whispered back.  “I don’t want you to leave either.”

“Maybe one day I won’t.” Even replied quietly.

And wasn’t that a thought?

Sadly, though, life wasn’t always like a romantic movie.  Even did have to go home, and before either of them really felt ready for it 2130 came and went and Even had to pack up to go back to his so he could get ready properly for school in the morning.

Isak struggled out of bed, wondering how he was going to cope for the rest of the night without Even’s warm hand rubbing slow clockwise circles over his sore stomach, and walked Even slowly to the door.

He pulled Even down for a kiss, torn between feeling stupid for already missing his boyfriend when they were literally going to see each other tomorrow and wanting to commit the taste of Even’s tongue to memory, and when they finally broke apart for breath Isak wished that he could pull Even back into bed.  Instead he had to watch as his boyfriend dashed down the stairs and out the front door so that he didn’t miss his tram.

Isak dragged his feet back to his room and curled back up on his bed, revelling in Even’s scent all over his sheets.  There was no doubt in his mind that he was in deep.

Just as he was starting to doze off, his face pressed into what had been Even’s pillow, his phone vibrated somewhere near his aching head.  He fumbled around blindly in the dark for a few seconds until he felt the back of his phone and grabbed on.  When he turned his phone over and saw that it was Even texting him, a sleepy smile took over his face.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.03)
thank you for the best weekend ever
feel better, baby

Isak (22.05)
I’ll be better when I see you again

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.06)
10.5 hours and counting

Isak (22.06)
nerd
<3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.07)
night baby
sleep well

Isak (22.07)
goodnight <3
thank you for looking after me btw

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (22.08)
any time
<3

The weekend might not have gone exactly how Isak had planned, but Even was right: it had been the best weekend.  All because they had spent it together.

Chapter Text

Monday

When Isak’s alarm started screaming at him that Monday morning had arrived he already had a headache.  Before he had even opened his eyes his head was throbbing painfully in time with his heartbeat.

Just the way he liked to start a Monday.

By the time he got to school he was just about ready to die, despite the fact he’d delved into his good (read: fucking strong) painkillers.  He stumbled off the tram and tried to walk in a way that was slow and smooth enough that it would jar his poor aching head; he was well aware that he probably looked like a total twat but he really couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit.

Unfortunately: because of his slow and steady approach to walking to Nissen he didn’t have time to chill with the boys before they all dispersed for classes and instead had to go straight to his first class, which meant that he didn’t get his morning kiss from Even.  And – honestly – Isak kind of wanted to cry a little bit about that, because he was sure that a little kiss from Even would alleviate some of the pain zipping around his skull.

His mother used to tell him that mates – soulmates, true mates: the real deal – could share each other’s pain with just a touch so that neither had to carry all the hurt alone.  Isak hadn’t really thought much about it then, but for now it made his stomach twist anxiously.  He’d never put much stock into tales about true mates; they were such a rare occurrence that they may as well have just been a fairytale.

Although, Isak supposed, there had been a time when humans had thought homo-exquis people had just been fairytales too.

Needless to say: thinking about it all did nothing to soothe Isak’s headache.

Isak took three more of his painkillers between sitting down in his first class and making it to the lunch table, but the headache seemed to have made roots deep in his brain and no amount of drugs seemed to shift it.  At least he had been able to distract himself in his classes; he had notes (although fuck knows what sort of quality they were) and he’d written down the homework assignments from all of them and he was going to take that as a win.

“You look like shit.” Magnus told him as Isak sagged down onto his chair.  He hadn’t bothered getting any food; he had the money for it, but he had a gut feeling that if he tried to eat anything he’d just embarrass himself and vomit it straight back up all over the table right there in the middle of the canteen.

“Do you ever think before you open your mouth?” Isak saw Mahdi whack Magnus upside the head before he lay his head down on the pillows of his arms on the table.

“What?!” Magnus squawked loudly, that single syllable stabbing straight through Isak’s forehead.  He pulled his beanie down over his ears to muffle the noise a bit more, listening instead to the dull thud of his pulse in his ears.

“Look at me, Isak.” Jonas said quietly, from somewhere very near Isak’s face.  Isak squinted his eyes open and, sure enough, Jonas was right there in his immediate bubble of space.

“What for?” Isak asked quietly.  When Jonas’ thumb suddenly pulled at the soft skin above his eyelid Isak jolted backwards, his chair scraping against the floor in a very not-subtle sign of surprise.

“Dude!” Isak’s heart hammered in his chest.  “What the hell was that for?”

“Your eyes look all fucked up.” Jonas said calmly, but he had that hard look in his eyes that Isak hated.  Like he knew all of Isak’s wrongdoings and he was judging him.

“How many pills have you taken?” Jonas asked lowly, and for a second Isak’s blood froze in his veins.  “Come on, Isak, I know how someone looks when they’re fucked on painkillers.” Jonas prompted him, and Isak went almost boneless with relief.

“Oh.  Yeah.  Three or four since I woke up.  Stupid, right?  This headache is just a real bitch.” Isak laughed weakly.

“Three or four what?” Even asked curiously from behind Isak, making him jolt forwards in surprise.

“Your boyfriend probably needs to go home.” Jonas spoke around Isak directly to Even, alpha to alpha, and it made Isak’s blood boil.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” Isak snapped, sitting up in his seat and pressing the heel of his hand hard into the spot on his forehead that felt like someone was skewering him through to try to ease the pain.

Even took one look at him and pulled him to his feet, apologising to the boys, and dragging Isak outside.

“What are you doing?!” Isak protested, although the cool air from outside did help soothe his headache just a tiny bit.

“I don’t need another alpha telling me how to look after my boyfriend.” Even snapped back, shocking Isak into silence.  Even had never snapped at him before, and it made his blood run cold.  Every instinct Isak had was now telling him to get the fuck out of there.  He was about to bolt for the tram stop when Even sat down on a bench and pulled Isak down onto his lap.

“Now, what’s wrong, baby?” Even asked softly.  “Is it that tummy ache from yesterday?” He tried, smoothing his hand over Isak’s stomach gently in case he was tender.

“No.” Isak wiggled off of Even’s lap and pushed Even’s hand away from his skin.

“Isak?” Even looked over at him with wide eyes.  “Babe, you’re shaking.” Even went to reach for Isak’s hand but Isak snatched it away.

Now his head and his heart hurt.

“You can’t do that, okay?” Isak took a shaky breath in and screwed his eyes shut.  The breeze was soothing, but his migraine was not appreciating the sunlight.

“Do what?” Isak was pretty sure that he could hear the frown in his boyfriend’s voice.

“My dad was an alpha.” Isak felt cold all over.  He had not expected to be telling Even this today.  “A really, really shitty one.  He’d shout and throw his weight around and overrule everyone else and we were just supposed to let him because he was the alpha of the house.” Even sucked a breath in beside him and Isak rubbed his forehead for a few seconds before deciding to fumble blindly in his bag for painkillers.

“That’s not how it should be.” Even agreed.  “And I just did exactly the same thing because Jonas got under my skin.” He blew out a breath and Isak risked a glance over at him just in time to see Even slump down.

“Yeah.” Isak muttered, squinting into his bag and quickly grabbing a pill.  Thanks to years of taking his suppressants he had become the master of swallowing pills fast and dry, and he managed to swallow the oxy quickly.

“What did you just take?” Even asked sharply.

“A painkiller.  Is that alright with you, alpha?” Isak did not like Even’s tone and it was getting his back up in the worst way.

“How many have you taken today?” Even asked worriedly, and some of the fight left Isak’s body.  Even was just trying to look out for him; he didn’t need to be so defensive all of the time.

“Like, five, maybe.” Isak muttered as he sat up, tipping his head back and closing his eyes again.

“Five?  It’s barely noon, Isak!” Even sounded horrified, but Isak couldn’t find it in himself to react.  He felt the migraine from hell was starting to ebb just a little.

“S’fine.” Isak sighed.  Barely a second later he could feel Even’s hands on his face.  They felt tingly against his skin, and it was only then that Isak realised how cold he felt.

“Look at me, babe.” Even instructed, and Isak took a deep breath.  Why was Even so worried about it?  He was in pain, so he took pills to kill the pain.  That was what they were there for!

“Isak, I’m serious.  Either you look at me now or you deal with me dragging you to the emergency room.” Even did sound really serious.

“Fine.” Isak grumbled, opening his eyes tiredly.  He had slept like shit last night without Even.  His stomach pain had kept him up for hours, and then by the time he did fall asleep it was only a couple of hours before his damn alarm was set to go off.

“Dammit.” Even sighed after a quick look into Isak’s eyes.

“I wanna go home.” Isak mumbled.  The headache was ebbing away slowly but surely, leaving nothing but exhaustion behind it.  Even seemed to deliberate over something for a few minutes before eventually he wrapped an arm around Isak’s waist.

“Okay, baby.  Let’s get you home.”

***

Tuesday

Isak (11.27)
I am so sorry about yesterday
baby?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.02)
have you just woken up??

Isak (12.02)
yeah x

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.04)
do you remember anything from yesterday?

Isak (12.05)
a little?
I remember waking up feeling like shit
and being mad at you and Jonas for doing alpha shit
and sitting with you on the bench?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.08)
okay

Isak (12.08)
did you take me home?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.09)
of course I did
I couldn’t just leave you on that bench

Isak (12.10)
thank you
really
I didn’t mean to take so many pills yesterday, my head just hurt SO bad

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.15)
you scared the shit out of me, Isak
I was THIS close to taking you to the emergency room instead of back home

Isak (12.15)
thank you for not taking me to the hospital
I’m so so sorry for scaring you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.17)
you can’t just take more painkillers if the first dose doesn’t work
they don’t work like that

Isak (12.18)
the stupid thing is that I know that
I KNEW that and I kept taking them anyway
my head just hurt so bad that I couldn’t think of anything else to do

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.20)
promise me you won’t do it again
I know we haven’t talked a lot about the big serious stuff but I can’t be with someone with a drug problem

Isak (12.21)
I don’t have a drug problem!!!
yesterday was a one off
I think the last time I touched those pills was when I fell off Jonas’ bike down a hill a few months ago

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.22)
okay

Isak (12.22)
have I ruined this?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.26)
every couple has to have their first issue
if you say yesterday was a one off because of a killer migraine I’ll take your word for it
but I’ll be keeping a very close eye on you

Isak (12.28)
that’s fair
an addict would probably say yesterday was a one off as well
fucking hell that really didn’t help my case. can we pretend I didn’t say that?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.29)
you clearly don’t have the mastery of smooth lying to keep a drug habit secret
I obviously have nothing to worry about ;)

Isak (12.30)
unbelievable
I could totally hide a drug problem if I wanted to!
I could be a crack whore for all you know

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.32)
I really doubt that babe

Isak (12.35)
so are we okay? <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.37)
if this never happens again, then yes <3
how do you feel today?

Isak (12.40)
so much better holy shit
my head feels fine today
and there’s almost no stomach pain now so I ate a little bit of food
thank you so much for buying me a new box of Frosties
you are honestly the best boyfriend

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.42)
I know
I’m glad you found them <3
and that you feel better <333

Isak (12.44)
do you…wanna come over tonight?
you don’t have to stay over if you don’t want to
maybe just visit for a few hours?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.50)
I can’t do tonight, but I finish early tomorrow?

Isak (12.50)
deal
I’m going to stay home tomorrow, just in case, and I’ll go back to school on Thursday
so I’ll be here whenever you’re ready

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.52)
good idea
I have to go now babe
look after yourself

Isak (12.52)
you too
again, I’m really sorry
have a good afternoon

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.53)
<33333

***

Wednesday

Isak felt like the biggest piece of shit ever.  He just wanted to see Even in person and say he was sorry again.

Hence why he was pacing around his bedroom at 1400 because he knew that Even would be here soon and he still didn’t know how to make the right words come together in his mind to truly get across to his boyfriend how bone-achingly sorry he was.

When the buzzer went off at almost quarter past Isak almost hit the fucking ceiling, his anxiety level somewhere around Jupiter.  He barely took a second to calm himself down before he was rushing to the front door and pushing the button to let Even in, flinging the front door open in anticipation.

The moment he saw Even it was like everything shifted back into place.

He didn’t even let Even get to the door.  He rushed into the hallway and barrelled into his boyfriend, emotions bubbling out of him.

Even was no better.

They clung onto each other and stumbled back into the kollektiv, both of them tripping over their words and talking over each other.

“I’m so fucking sor-”

“I should have stayed-”

“I missed you so much-”

“I missed you too-”

“I binned all those pills, I swear-”

“I can’t fucking stand that you were in that much pain-”

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.  I could hardly sleep last night thinking about how I almost ruined all of this.” Isak clung onto Even impossibly tighter as he confessed that, hauling Even into his room and kicking the door shut behind them.

Isak helped Even shed some of his outer layers and they crawled into bed together, both of them a trembling mess.  Isak burrowed himself as close to Even as he could get before Even pulled the duvet up over them both, curling himself around Isak protectively.  Somehow the desperate silence between them as they tried to snuggle closer to each other said everything that needed to be said.

They could do this.

They could recover from this.

After almost half an hour of silent cuddling and the occasional nose rub, Even broke the silence.

“You said something yesterday that I want to talk about before we put this all behind us.” He said.  Isak didn’t really remember doing much talking, but he sure as hell felt nervous anyway about whatever Even was about to bring up.

“Okay.” Isak nodded, tucking himself closer to Even.  He had his leg hitched over Even’s hip and his fingers tangled in the material of Even’s jumper, but it still wasn’t close enough for his liking.

“You mentioned your dad.  About how he was a shitty example of an alpha.” Even told him, rubbing his hand over Isak’s back soothingly when Isak tensed up.

“He was.” Isak really didn’t want to talk about this.

“And that some of my behaviour had reminded you of him.” Even prompted and Isak could hear how upset he was that he had reminded Isak of his shithead of a father.  If you had asked Isak five minutes ago if he could feel worse about the events of Monday he would have said no, but here he was feeling impossibly worse.

But he guessed he was going to have to talk to Even about this sooner or later.

“I…have a really bad track record with alphas.” Isak said carefully.  “So sometimes you’re going to do things that are totally natural to you and I’m going to get all defensive and just act like a dick.  I’m sor-”

“No.  I am not trying to get you to apologise about it.  The opposite, actually.” Even looked genuinely distressed by Isak’s attempted apology.

“Okay?” Isak frowned up at him, waiting for him to go on.

“I wanted to say that I want you to tell me if I do shit that makes you uncomfortable.  I don’t want to be one of those alphas; I try my hardest not to be, but sometimes it happens.  If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, or makes you feel- feel threatened, then I want you to tell me so I can try not to do it again.” The way Even’s voice cracks in the middle sends a matching crack right down the middle of Isak’s battered and bruised heart.

“You’re probably the best alpha I’ve ever met.  You and Jonas.” Isak whispered.  “But my dad really fucked me up.” Isak admitted, keeping his gaze away from Even’s face because he really didn’t want to see the pity that was bound to be there.  Poor little Isak with his daddy issues.

“Isak, the only thing that matters to me is that you’re okay and that you feel safe with me.  So tell me when I do stuff wrong, okay?  Just like I told you I couldn’t be with someone with a drug problem.  We just have to talk this stuff out.  Deal?” Even looked down at him and hooked a long finger under Isak’s chin, using it to tilt Isak’s face up to his.

“Deal.” Isak’s voice was barely more than a whisper.  He was terrified that if he tried to speak any louder Even would hear how his voice shook.  How could he agree to talk everything out when their whole relationship was built on the great big fucking lie that was Isak’s identity?

“Deal.” Even nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Isak’s forehead.  To the exact spot that had been hurting so badly on Monday, Isak’s heart tripped over itself as he realised.

“So,” Even began, as if they hadn’t just worked through their first fight.  “My friends from Bakka are having a Halloween party on Friday and I thought it could be fun to go?  You can meet my friends, we could get dressed up a bit.  Only if you feel 100% better though, obviously.” Even added, shooting a concerned glance down at Isak which just succeeded in making him feel 100 times guiltier.

“I already feel pretty much back to normal.  I’ll be at school tomorrow and stuff, so I should be fine for a party on Friday.” Physically fine, but mentally exhausted.  Isak felt like he needed a decade of sleep to recover from this week, but if Even wanted to go out then who was Isak to stop him?

“You really want me to meet your friends?” He asked with a small smile, realising that that was essentially what Even was asking him.

“Of course.” Even held him even closer, and Isak soaked it up like the touch-starved sponge he was.  “You’re my boyfriend; I want to show you off.” Even winked, making Isak loud aloud.  The sound was so unexpected after the sombre tone of the last few days that Isak froze for a second afterwards, feeling like a child getting caught being silly at church.

When Even laughed as well, though, the tension melted out of Isak.

They both laughed, the sound bubbling out of both of them like music, until their sides ached and they both had to wipe tears away.

“This really has been a weird week, right?” Isak shook his head disbelievingly as he shimmied closer to Even.

“The weirdest.” Even shook his head as well.  “I’m glad we can put it behind us though.” He squeezed Isak’s shoulder reassuringly and Isak buried his face in Even’s chest in response.

“Good thing you didn’t die; I have the best couples costume idea ever.” Even was so casual about it that it startled a little snort of laughter out of Isak.  When Even didn’t join in the laughter, though, he raised his head to look at his boyfriend.

His boyfriend who looked totally serious.

Oh god, what was he getting himself into?

Chapter Text

When Even had first told Isak his couples’ costume idea Isak had flat out laughed in his face.  And then when it became apparent that Even wasn’t kidding he groaned for a solid ten seconds before he turned to whining to try to convince Even to change his mind.

It was the most ridiculous idea Isak had ever heard; he point blank refused to go along with Even’s tomfoolery.

But then Even did this sucking thing on his neck while they were pressed together on Isak’s bed and the bastard coaxed an agreement to the outfit out of Isak with wet kisses and teasing bites over his Adams apple that suddenly stopped the moment Isak moaned out a fine.  He had been royally set up as far as he was concerned.

But, dammit, Even had yelled no take backs and who was Isak to snub that time honoured tradition?

So it was happening.  And Isak had pretty much no time to try to put together his costume.  The first thing he had had to decide was whether or not he was going to try to do a ‘realistic’ costume – which he wasn’t even sure was possible, with Even’s idea – or, for lack of a better word, a slutty one.

Considering how annoyed he was at his boyfriend for teasing an agreement out of him Isak had quickly decided to go for the more provocative costume idea he had, because if he was going to suffer then dammit he was going to be sure that Even suffered too.

That’s just the sort of petty bitch Isak had accepted that he was.

When he had told Eskild what he was planning to do his roommate had lit up like a Christmas tree and immediately launched into Guru mode, and by the time Isak got home from school on Thursday Eskild had got him the three things he had needed for his costume.

It had all come together perfectly.

Friday

Isak had it all planned out.

They were going to the party together, but Even wasn’t going to see Isak’s costume until they got there because all the best bits were going to be hidden under Isak’s coat.  His plan was to say he was going to get them some drinks while Even found his friends, and while they were apart he was going to dump his coat and get his neon paint put on – which Eva had thankfully warned him was happening when he had told her all about his plan, because that girl had an uncanny knowledge of all the parties going on in a 100 mile radius apparently – and then go back to Even with their drinks and see how he reacted.

Honestly, it was the most excited Isak had felt for a while.

He was practically vibrating inside his skin waiting for Even to get to their agreed meeting place.  He couldn’t wait to see how his boyfriend reacted.  He had only had a split second of doubt about his idea while he was getting dressed, but it had passed quickly.

Now he was just excited.  He was going to have to play it cool or Even was going to know that he was up to something.

“I hope your top half made more effort than your bottom half.” A smooth voice said from behind him, and Isak had to resist the urge to whirl around immediately.

“You know how I felt about your costume idea.” Isak shrugged nonchalantly before turning to face Even.  Isak could see why Even was underwhelmed: all he could see of Isak’s costume right now was his white jeans and his battered converse that had been white once in their life.

“Don’t be such a misery guts.” Even pouted.  Or, Isak thought he might have pouted.  It was kind of difficult to tell underneath the ridiculous white beard Even was wearing.

“Wow.  You’ve aged a lot since I saw you at lunch.” Isak tugged playfully on a strand of white hair from Even’s wig.

“It was the stress of not knowing your costume.” Even said solemnly, making Isak burst out laughing.

“Hey, those were my terms and you agreed to them.” Isak held his hands up in defence as they started walking towards wherever Even’s friend lived.  Isak had agreed to go along with Even’s ridiculous costume idea on the sole term that he was allowed to sort his own costume out, because he didn’t trust Even not to make him look like a lunatic.

“I did.” Even sighed mournfully as they twined their fingers together.  “And from what I can see I’m underwhelmed, Valtersen.” Even pretended to scold.

Not for long, Isak thought smugly.

“Yeah, yeah.” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Did you ever do Halloween as a kid?” Even asked curiously, swinging their hands lightly between them.

“Mmm, not really.” Isak shook his head.  “It was never a big deal in our house.  Sometimes we’d get sweets in and just eat them, but we never dressed up or anything.  What about you?  I bet your dramatic ass loved Halloween.” He pushed at Even playfully.

“Guilty as charged.” Even laughed.  “I always loved dressing up and pretending to be someone or something else; I thought it was the coolest thing.” The way Even’s eyes lit up made something inside of Isak melt with affection.

“I would refuse to break character.  The second that costume went on, that was who I was.” Even continued.

“Oh, I had no idea I was dating a method actor.” Isak laughed.  “I bet your parents loved that.”

“They thought it was funny.  Looking back I don’t know how they didn’t think I was annoying as hell.” Even laughed with him.  “And then when Elise was born I got to keep doing Halloween because now I could say I was doing it for her sake.”

“Your little sister, right?” Isak could remember Even mentioning her before, but he wanted to be sure.

“Yeah, my sister.  She’s almost three now.” Even sounded so proud; Isak would have laughed at him if it wasn’t so sweet.

“That’s a big age gap.” He said instead.

“Yeah, she was a complete surprise.  My parents were really young when they had me, but they weren’t actually expecting to have any more kids.  Elise just sort of happened.” Even explained.

“I hope your parents didn’t have the nerve to give you the safe sex talk after that.” Isak snorted, which turned into a full blown laugh when Even cringed.

“Let’s not think about my parents’ sex life.” Even suggested.

“I can agree to that.” Isak nodded, looking around at the houses around them.  “Are we almost there?” He asked.  He was beginning to get cold inside his coat.

“Yeah, he lives at the end of this street.” Even promised, pulling Isak closer to his side to share his warmth.  Sure enough, Isak could hear music the further they walked down the street and he could see faint outlines of people milling on the lawn.

He had been so caught up in the excitement of surprising Even with his costume that he had managed to block out the fact that he was meeting his boyfriend’s best friends tonight, but it was quickly rushing back to him.

Fuck, Isak was so bad at meeting new people.

“Are you nervous?” Even checked as they walked down the house’s front path, dodging drunks with ease.

“A little.  But if they’re friends with you then they must be alright.  Probably more pretentious hipster method actors.” Isak tried to joke, but he was pretty sure Even heard the way his voice shook a little.

He was intimidated, alright?  He was walking into a party where the only person he was going to know was his own boyfriend.

“Nah, pretentious hipster is my thing.  They’re cool though; they’re excited to meet you.” Even kissed the top of Isak’s head as they hopped up the front steps.

“It’ll be fine.” Isak nodded, assuring himself more than Even.  “Why don’t you go find them and I’ll get us some drinks?  I know I’m gonna need one.”

He was finally putting his plan into action!

“Sure.” Even seemed surprised that Isak was suggesting they split up seconds after getting into the house, but he didn’t question it.  “Kitchen’s that way and there’s a closet over there if you want to dump your coat and bag somewhere.” Even pointed Isak in the right directions before giving him a quick kiss and going to find his friends.

Finally.

Isak went to the closet first, trying not to think of the irony, and shut himself in there for a few seconds to calm his heart down.

“Now’s the time.” Isak muttered to himself.  He took a deep breath and undid his coat, dumping it and his bag on the closet floor, and the exposed skin of his midriff immediately rose in goosebumps.  He flipped the top of his rucksack back and reached inside for the other components of his costume, putting them on as quickly as he could so he could get out of the freezing cold closet and back into the warmth of the party.

Once he was sure everything was in order he grabbed the bottles out of his bag – because he wasn’t going to show up at a party empty handed, he needed to make a good first impression on Even’s friends – and braced himself to go back out there.

In the end, it was the thought of the look on Even’s face when he saw Isak’s sultry take on his costume idea that pushed Isak back out of the closet.  He closed the door behind himself and made his way into the kitchen to get some drinks, and he was halfway through perusing the bottles laid out all over the counter when a pretty girl with dark hair came over and asked if she could do his body paint.

“You just have really nice skin; the colours would show up so well!” She gushed.  She seemed to notice the startled look on Isak’s face and she stepped back a bit.  “Sorry.  I just figured since you had all that skin on show it would be fun to put some colour on it, but it’s totally up to you.” She held her hands up apologetically, and Isak couldn’t look away from the intricate pattern of swirls and dots up the insides of her forearms.

“It’s okay.” He shook his head.  “Maybe just something simple.” He said, smiling at the way the girl lit up.  Her eyes were so bright that Isak could only assume she was already a few drinks ahead of him.

“Yes!  I mean your costume is pretty minimal; we don’t want to overdo it with the colour.” She agreed.  “How about some stripes on your cheeks?  You have amazing cheekbones.” She fished some tubes out of her tiny bag – which, what, Isak was convinced her bag was magical – and laid them out.

“Pink stripes?” She offered while holding up one of the tubes.

“Sure.” Isak agreed, leaning down against the counter for her.  The paint was cold against his skin but he didn’t mind too much.  She took a step back once she had put his stripes on and gave him a big smile.

“There!  Nice and simple.” She nodded.  Isak couldn’t help but like this girl; she sort of reminded him of Eva when she had a few drinks.

“Do you think you could do something- maybe something like what you have on your arms?” Isak asked bravely.

“Sure!” The girl agreed enthusiastically.  “You want it on your arms too?”

“I was thinking more like here?” Isak gestured to his exposed waist and the girl grinned up at him.

“You are so gonna get laid.” The girl laughed as she unscrewed more tubes.

“Only if my boyfriend likes this costume.” Isak laughed nervously.

“Dude, you look amazing.  You’re definitely getting laid.” The girl didn’t even bat an eyelash, which made Isak like her even more.  She showed more focus than Isak thought a tipsy girl was capable of achieving as she painted swirls and dabbed dots around his waist, and Isak just tried to stay still against the tickly sensation.

“All done!” The girl announced a minute later.  “Now go get him, hot stuff!” She cheered before disappearing back into the throng of people.

Shaking his head in disbelief Isak went back to choosing something for him and Even to drink.  He was pretty sure that was going to be the most bizarre interaction he had in his entire life; nothing could possibly beat a strange drunk girl complimenting his cheekbones and applying his neon body paint and then telling him to go get his boyfriend.

Drunken girls were really something else, Isak thought as he backed out of the kitchen with a couple of beers.  You’d think he’d be used to them after all his nights out partying with Eva, but no.  He kept his eyes peeled for Even, scanning above everyone’s heads for his boyfriend in his ridiculous God wig and beard, but in the end he felt the moment Even’s eyes found him.

The air seemed to crackle and Isak’s skin suddenly felt about 100 degrees.

He turned around and sure enough Even was there.  He closed the space between them in three long strides before Isak could even panic about whether or not Even liked his costume interpretation.

“Fuck, Isak.” Even’s eyes were almost black as he crowded Isak back against the wall.  “You look fucking incredible.” Even’s eyes raked over Isak’s body and Isak tried his hardest not to preen under the praise.  He arched his back a little, definitely not to show off his exposed midriff to his boyfriend, and Even groaned quietly.

“You like?” Isak asked coyly, dropping their unopened beers onto the floor so he could tug at the front of Even’s robe to pull him closer.

“Of course I do.” Even’s eyes seemed to be fixated on Isak’s little crop top – one of his gifts from Eskild – and Isak pressed closer.

“No, I want to look at you.” Even shook his head and pushed Isak back against the wall gently, but it was enough to set Isak’s blood on fire.

100% angel.  Isak could see Even’s lips move as he read the words written across Isak’s chest, and then Even’s eyes got impossibly darker.  He leaned over until his lips were brushing against the sensitive shell of Isak’s ear, and Isak tried hard not to shiver.

“No angel could look this downright sinful.” He whispered as he hooked his fingers through the belt loops of Isak’s skinny jeans and jerked him forwards, pulling a weak whimper from Isak’s throat.

“Look at you.” Even sounded like he was having a religious experience – which would have been fucking ironic considering he was dressed as god – and Isak had never been so happy with the outcome of a plan in his life.  Even was definitely digging Isak’s dirty angel, and Isak was definitely getting on Even’s approval.

“Those jeans look like they’ve been painted on.” Even groaned, his hands moving from Isak’s belt loops to get a handful of Isak’s ass.

“Ev,” Isak whined quietly, pushing himself closer.  “Don’t make me hard in these jeans.” He wasn’t exactly helping himself, though, considering that Even had pushed a thigh between his legs and Isak was shamelessly grinding down against it.

“It’s your fault for looking so fucking delectable.” Even nicked at the shell of Isak’s ear with his sharp teeth and Isak’s head thumped back against the wall.  He pushed his chest out and his shoulders back to stop his wings getting crushed uncomfortably between his back and the wall, and Even groaned in approval.

“Those wings look so soft.” Even murmured, trailing hot kisses down Isak’s jaw and plundering a path down Isak’s throat.  “Not as soft as your skin though.” Even seemed to have lost the filter between his brain and his mouth and was just saying everything that came to his mind, and Isak couldn’t help but feel smug that his outfit had effected Even this much.

“All this skin.” Even moved back slightly and framed Isak’s hips with his big hands, making Isak feel even hotter.  “Mine.” Even gripped his hips possessively and Isak bit down hard on his lip to stop himself from making any embarrassing noises in the middle of the hallway.  Not that anyone was paying them any mind, but he wasn’t going to risk that so he settled for nodding frantically at Even’s words.

“Yours.” Isak agreed, rocking his hips back and forth against Even’s thigh as subtly as he could.  He was playing a dangerous game.  He hadn’t been kidding when he asked not to get hard in these jeans; they had been difficult enough to get on as it was.  There was no way he could hide a hard on in these jeans.

There was also no way that Isak could resist grinding down against Even’s thigh; he just wasn’t that strong.  He wasn’t sure anyone was.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Even whispered, his breath fanning across the hollow of Isak’s throat.  “I’m going to be beating people away from you with a stick.” He grumbled, hooking his thumbs back through Isak’s belt loops and using his hold to grind Isak against his thigh.

Isak was a whimpering mess.  His torso had practically melted against the wall while his hips worked against his boyfriend’s thigh, and it was all he could do to keep his eyes focused on Even’s face rather than just letting them roll back into his head.

“We’re god and an angel; I think people will know we go together.” Isak’s voice came out breathless as hell but he hoped Even managed to piece his words together.

“Just to be safe...” Even trailed off before he ducked his head and sucked a harsh bruise against Isak’s Adams apple, making Isak cry out.  His hands flew to Even’s hair, but that stupid fucking wig was in the way.  It definitely helped kill some of Isak’s burning desperation to get off, which was probably a good thing.

Isak panted and writhed and squirmed against Even as he sucked more bruises into his throat, more turned on than he wanted to admit by Even’s shameless claiming.

“That should do.” Even nodded as he rubbed himself up against Isak, effectively smothering him in Even’s scent.  It made Isak feel higher than any blunt ever had.

“W-we…we were meant to find your friends.” Isak said in a daze.  He lifted a hand to touch his throat and practically purred in contentment when he felt all the marks Even had left.

He couldn’t believe he had got scent-drunk off his boyfriend before he even got the chance to be drunk-drunk.

“We’ll go find them now.” Even reached down and picked up the beers that Isak had discarded, and by silent agreement they both took a minute to breathe deeply and calm their dicks down.  Isak also took that moment to readjust the laurels on his head, not wanting them to be wonky when he made his first impression on Even’s friends.

“Do you still feel nervous?” Even asked, looking surprised when Isak snorted.

“I can’t even feel my legs right now.  I’m all fucked up on your alpha smell.” It didn’t escape Isak’s notice how smug Even looked at that, but he was too happy to care.

“Let’s go meet your friends, baby.” Isak smiled up at his boyfriend, feeling lighter than he had in years.

“I left them in the lounge.” Even took Isak’s hand and lead him along.  Isak was glad he was too loved up on alpha pheromones to get anxious, because he knew somewhere in his brain that this meeting was a big deal.  It would suck if Even’s friends didn’t like him.

“Even!” Isak looked up at the sound of a group of boys cheering his boyfriend’s name and before he could say a word his boyfriend disappeared into the arms of five other men.  For a split second jealousy burnt in Isak’s stomach, but when he saw how genuinely happy Even and his friends all looked to see each other he relaxed.  They probably missed Even like crazy since he was at Nissen now; Isak couldn’t be mad at them for hugging their friend.

Isak tried to get a look at them all before they broke apart, but it was difficult to tell where one boy ended and another began.  He could tell that one boy had his hair very closely shaved to his head, whereas two of the others had longer fluffier hair, and the last two had average length hair.

Not exactly a definitive way of identifying them.

“Boys, this is Isak.” Even eventually stepped out of the group hug and introduced him, and Isak gave them a casual salute.

“Sup, boys.” He lifted his chin a little before remembering that his throat was covered in hickeys.  It was definitely unsettling have five pairs of eyes land on him, and it quickly became one of the most distressing moments of his life when they all burst into laughter.

“What?” Isak frowned at them.

“I think we could have guessed you were Isak.” One of them – the one with the shaved head – laughed, looking between Isak and Even.  Isak looked between the boys uncertainly and then looked over at Even.

Oh.

Looking at Even properly, Isak could see why he had needed no introduction.  His white robe – and his hands, and his arms – were covered in smears of body paint.  When Isak looked down at himself he could see that the pretty swirls and dots that the drunk girl had kindly painted on him were now nothing but smears of colour all over his skin and the waistband of his white jeans.

They might as well have announced to the world that they had had a cheeky grope of each other in the hallway.

“Can you blame me?  He looks like a dream.” Even grinned and Isak shot the boys a cheeky wink.

“Even likes his dressing up.” He joked.  When the boys all burst out laughing – with the odd jeer at Even – Isak knew he was going to be just fine with them all.

He and Even spent about an hour with his friends from Bakka.  At first they had teased Isak about his costume, but when he said he had done it to get back at Even for making him do the couples costume thing he could tell he had earned himself some respect.  After that it had flowed easily between them all; they shared stupid stories of Even’s time at Bakka, talked a little about themselves, and filled Even in on the gossip he was missing out on now he was at Nissen.

In turn Even told them what Nissen was like, and Isak tried to give the simplest explanation of himself as possible before steering the conversation in a different direction.  They found out that they had some common music loves, and Isak nodded in understanding when they told him that most of them were Muslim and didn’t drink.

Even wasn’t a massive drinker either, so Isak toned his drinking down while he was with Even’s friends.  Because, really, being the only drunk person in a conversation makes you seem like a real dick.

Now, though, it was just Even and Isak again and Isak wanted to drink and by god that was what he was going to do.

“I’m celebrating!” He told Even before he cracked open his fourth beer of the night.

“Yeah?” Even grinned.  “What are you celebrating, angel?”

“That your friends like me and I like them!” Isak grinned right back before necking his beer.  He may – in his nervous excitement – have forgotten to actually eat something before he went out to meet Even.  And he may – or may not – already be feeling a little tipsy from his four beers on his empty stomach.

He was sure Even wouldn’t notice though.

“That’s definitely worth celebrating.” Even agreed, stealing Isak’s beer can and taking a quick swig before passing it back.

“I can’t believe how ridiculous you look.” Isak yelled over the music, tugging on Even’s fake beard.  “I can’t even kiss you with this thing on!” Isak complained, pouting up at his boyfriend.

 “You want to kiss me, huh?” Even pretended to think about it for a few seconds before he pulled the beard down and crowded into Isak’s space.  “Better?” He whispered, winding his arms around Isak’s waist and just adding to the smeary mess of neon paint there.

“I think you should lose the wig too.” Isak pouted before taking matters into his own hands and pushing the wig off of Even’s head.  “I’d much rather worship a god that looks like this anyway.  I don’t dig the old man thing.” Isak sighed happily, his eyes roaming Even’s face now that he could see it again.

“Oh yeah?” Even chuckled, pulling Isak closer.

“Much rather.” Isak nodded before he surged up and pressed their lips together.  He had only meant to give his boyfriend a chaste kiss, but before he knew it his tongue was chasing the taste of whatever Even had been drinking and Even was groaning into his mouth.

Isak had no idea how long it had been when they eventually broke apart, but he felt like he had been reborn.

“I know we haven’t been together for very long,” Isak began, having to stop for a second to hold off a hiccup.  “But I really like you.” He plastered himself against Even, not wanting even a breath of space between them.

“I really like you too.” Even gave him the softest smile Isak had ever seen and Isak buried his face in Even’s neck to soak in more of his scent.  He kind of missed being freshly smothered in his boyfriend’s scent.  He knew it was stupid, but he wanted it.  He wanted people to know without even looking that he and Even belonged to each other.

“Scent me.” Isak whined pitifully into Even’s neck.  Unsurprisingly, Even had no idea what he had said so Isak just pulled back and showed his throat hopefully.  Even dove in immediately, nuzzling the skin and kissing over the marks he had littered over Isak’s throat earlier before pressing their bodies together.

Even smelt so good.  Isak was pretty sure Even’s scent was the best thing in the entire universe.  It was calming and exciting all at once and Isak just couldn’t get enough of it.  Isak was just about ready to melt into his boyfriend when a loud voice shattered their little bubble.

“Angel boy!” Isak tore his eyes away from Even’s bemused face and was greeting with neon-paint-girl’s knowing grin.

“Paint girl!” He greeted back enthusiastically, breaking away from Even a bit.

“You totally got some!” The girl giggled drunkenly, gesturing at the mess that was left of her paint work on his midriff.  “We should celebrate the fact that one of us got some.” She nodded to herself.

“I totally agree that we should celebrate me getting with Even.” Isak nodded too, trying to ignore the way the room spun slightly around him.  He really should have eaten before he met Even tonight.

“Shots!” The girl cried delightedly, pulling Isak by the arm towards the kitchen.

“To- to paint boy and his hot boyfriend.” The girl stumbled over her words, definitely drunker than Isak, as she poured them both a couple of shots.

“I’ll drink to that.” Isak nodded happily.

And then he downed his shots.

***

“Babe, you don’t live that way.” Even steered Isak back from the edge of the pavement he had been about to cross.

“I think I know where I live.” Isak huffed.

“Do you know where we are right now?” Even raised an eyebrow and Isak rolled his eyes, losing his balance a little and leaning against Even.

“Of course I do.  I totally know where we are.  We’re at your friend’s house.” Isak looked over at Even smugly, but Even just shook his head.

“We left Yousef’s house like half an hour ago.” Even rolled his eyes.  “I think you should let me be the navigator for now.” He was holding onto Isak’s hand so tightly that Isak was losing the sensation in his fingers.

“Y-you should have joined me and- and whoever she was for a drink.  We drank to us.  I mean, to you and me.  Because it’s so- so fucking awesome that we’re a couple.” Isak had uncontrollable hiccups, and every spasm of his diaphragm came with the risk of him throwing up everything he had drunk.

“It is awesome we’re together.” Even agreed, draping an arm around Isak’s shoulders as they walked.  “I just don’t really drink.  I definitely don’t do shots.  It was nice that you tried to include me though.” Even added when he caught sight of Isak’s pout.

“I had- had to drink your share of them!” Isak told him.

“I know, baby, I was literally right there with you.” Even reminded him.  “And you didn’t actually have to drink them.” He added.

“No, Ev, it would have been rude not to!” Isak argued, his hands gesturing wildly.  “And I’m an angel.  I couldn’t be rude.” Isak looked at his boyfriend with wide eyes to see if Even understood what a big deal that would have been.

“You were very polite.” Even reassured him, and Isak relaxed at the reassurance.  If his alpha said he had done alright then he didn’t need to worry.

“I’m an angel.” Isak mumbled to himself before suddenly gasping.  “Even!  Even!” He said urgently, tugging at Even’s coat.

“What’s wrong?” Even asked sharply, stopping them both in the middle of the street to look Isak over.

“Ev, I can’t feel my wings!  What- what if they’re gone?  What if I lost them for- for drinking?” Isak felt frantic.

“They…they were fake, baby?  They were just part of your outfit, remember?” Even was giving him the strangest look.

“Oh.  Oh yeah.” Isak nodded before he burst into laughter.  “I forgot.  Thanks, baby.” He sighed happily and leaned into Even.

Or, he tried to lean into Even.  He must have misjudged the space or the distance or his speed or something because the next thing he knew he was lying on his back looking up at the starry sky spread out above them.

“Shit!  Isak!” Even swore loudly from somewhere nearby, suddenly appearing in Isak’s line of vision.  “Are you alright?” Even asked worriedly as he helped Isak back onto his feet.

“I’m hot.” Isak complained, fumbling with the buttons and zip on his coat.

“Isak, no, it’s freezing and you have like no clothes on under there.” Even said firmly, making Isak’s fingers falter on his buttons.  Before he could say anything, though, another voice joined them.

“Sounds fun.  I might just join you.”

Isak and Even turned around at the same time, and Isak’s nose wrinkled in disgust.

“You look even older than my dad.  Pass.” Isak shook his head, leaning – carefully this time – into Even.

“Aw, you don’t look like you mind a little fun.” The guy grinned, tugging on the belt of Isak’s coat and pulling Isak apart from Even’s warmth.

“Hey!” Isak swatted at the guy’s hand on his coat as the world lurched around him.  He was about to tell the guy that he was nowhere near Isak’s idea of fun when Even suddenly materialised in front of him, stood defensively between Isak and the weirdo who reeked so strongly of vodka that it made Isak’s eyes sting.

“He’s mine.  And he said no.  So back off.” Even’s voice was low and hard and Isak had never heard him sound so serious before.

It was kind of hot.

“I don’t see a bite.” The guy scoffed, and Even actually growled in response.

“He’s mine.” Even repeated menacingly.

“Fine, fine.” The guy rolled his eyes.  “No ass is worth this teenage alpha bullshit.”

“Stop accosting teenagers then.” Even said flatly before he took Isak’s hand pushed past the guy.

For the remainder of their walk home Even was like a live wire.  He was clearly on edge; even wasted out of his mind Isak could work that much out.  He was dragging Isak along, no longer letting Isak set the pace for their walk home, and they didn’t exchange a single word.  That was probably for the best, actually, because at the speed Even was walking Isak really had to concentrate on not falling over his own feet.

When they finally made it back to the kollektiv Even took Isak’s keys from his bag and let them inside, guiding Isak up the stairs carefully.  Isak broke out of Even’s iron grip at that point and stumbled drunkenly through the flat until he finally bumped through his bedroom doorway.

“Uh uh.  Shower.” Even shook his head just as Isak fell face first onto his bed.

“But bed.” Isak whined into his duvet.

“Shower.  You smell like him.” Even growled.  There was nothing Isak could do against a growling alpha, so he went limp on the bed and just let Even pick him up and take him to the bathroom.

They had the quickest and most methodical shower Isak had ever had.  They both stood under the hot water, their costumes abandoned on the tiles, and Even pretty much had to hold Isak up as well as wash him down.  Isak is pretty sure he fell asleep against the wall at one point, his eyes opening for a few seconds when Even washed the sensitive skin of the inside of his thighs before drifting closed again.

The next time Isak’s eyes opened he was dry and on his own bed and Even was putting him in pyjamas.  He tried his best to make his limb cooperate, but he felt so damn heavy and they just wouldn’t listen to what his brain was trying to tell them.

“Ev.” Isak mumbled, fumbling sloppily for any part of his boyfriend he could reach.

“Yeah, babe?” Even whispered as he got into bed with Isak.

“You’re the best.  You’re the- the real angel here.” Isak felt like he was going to die if he hiccupped again.

“That’s a bit far.” Isak could hear the smile in Even’s voice as they settled themselves into their usual spooning position.

“Get some sleep, angel.” Even whispered.  He pressed a few kisses to the back of Isak’s neck before burying his face in Isak’s neck and breathing deeply.  Isak wondered if Even wished he had more of a scent of his own; if Even wanted Isak to have a classic omega scent that soothed all his alpha senses.

Isak was beginning to wonder if that would be such a bad thing.

Chapter Text

Isak had absolutely no idea how he dodged the hangover bullet, but he did.

He woke up at a respectable (ish) time of the morning with his face buried in Even’s chest.  Even was still flat out asleep under him, exhausted from Isak could only assume was a late night.  He didn’t really remember getting home, but he did remember a death defying drunk shower.

He was hoping he hadn’t thrown up over himself, because he honestly wasn’t sure if he could live that down again.  He had done it once when he was fourteen and it had taken years for Jonas to stop mocking him about it.

He couldn’t remember much, which Isak took as a guarantee that Even had had a long night getting him home in piece.  He should definitely do something nice for his boyfriend to thank him for that.

The idea came to Isak almost immediately, and it did nothing to help the morning wood situation going on in his sweats.  He wasn’t dressed appropriately for what he had planned, though, which meant that he was going to have to leave the cosy shelter of his bed in order to properly thank his boyfriend.

Never let it be said that Isak Valtersen was a slack boyfriend.

It only took him a couple of minutes – and a few sleepy nuzzles into Even’s shoulder – to convince himself to get up so he could really put on a show for his boyfriend.

Thanks to Noora’s obsessive laundry routine his clothes from the night before were already in the dryer (Isak has a vague memory of them being left on the bathroom floor, but he’s not sure) and it was no issue at all to sneak back into his room with the slip of material wadded up in his hand.

The hard bit – aside from his situation down south – was getting out of his nice snug pyjamas and back into the crop top.  If it hadn’t still been warm from the dryer he wasn’t sure if he’d have bothered with his plan, but thankfully the material was clean and warm and smelt way better than his pyjamas.

He slid back into bed and wrapped himself back around Even, taking a moment to enjoy his boyfriend’s warm sleepy scent before assessing the situation.

Even was still asleep, but his eyes seemed to be fluttering around more than they were when Isak woke up.  Isak was hoping that that meant Even had stirred a bit at him leaving the bed and he wouldn’t wake his boyfriend up in the middle of a REM cycle or something.

There was nothing romantic about being woken up in the middle of a REM cycle as far as Isak was concerned.

He took his time about it; there was no rush on a Saturday morning, after all.  He hitched his leg over Even’s hip and used the leverage to pull himself as close to his boyfriend as he could get, exhaling a little breath of relief at finally getting some pressure against his erection.

He closed his eyes to the feeling and focused on his other senses for a while.

Even’s cologne, tangled up with the smell of Isak’s soap.

The sound of Even’s heartbeat: slow and steady under Isak’s ear.

The lithe muscle of Even’s chest, hidden away under borrowed clothes, that Isak really wanted to see again.

Fuck it.

Isak didn’t want to wait.

With the leg that was hitched across Even’s lap he could feel that Even was halfway hard already and that was all the motivation he needed.  He ground his hips down against the side of Even’s thigh and pressed his face further into Even’s chest to muffle the small sounds that slipped past his lips.

Of all the blurry memories he had of the night before only one really stood out.

Even: crowding him up against the wall and so blatantly claiming him, giving Isak a thigh to rub himself off against.

This time Isak couldn’t do anything to stifle his moaning, and he ended up whining Even’s name desperately as his hips jerked of their own accord.

“Mmm, someone’s desperate this morning.” From where Isak was resting his head he could feel the rumble of Even’s words, and he startled upright.

“You’re awake?” Isak’s voice came out about an octave higher than usual and he tried to play it off, but he could see the corners of Even’s lips twitch in amusement.

“Woke up when you left the bed.” Even nodded, rubbing some of the sleep from his eyes with his fist.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Isak pouted.  “I have a surprise for you!” He said brightly.

He had no idea what had come over him.  Being bright in the morning was not an Isak Valtersen trademark, but here he was.

“Does it have anything to do with your wardrobe change?” Even asked.  His voice was light and playful, but Isak could see a glint in his pretty blue eyes that gave away just how into it Even really was.

“You like?” Isak rolled on top of Even properly and straddled his thin hips with his knees, showing off his clothes of choice (read: boxers and last night’s crop top).

“I do.” Even’s voice was so deep and intense that Isak was pretty sure he could come from just listening to Even talk.

“How much do you like it?” Isak asked coyly, tugging at the hem of the ridiculous shirt and watching the way Even watched his arm muscles flex.

“You tell me.” Even splayed his hands over Isak’s hips and tugged him down, blessing Isak with the glorious feeling of his fully hard cock through borrowed sweats of Isak’s.

“Not- not a very compelling argument.” Isak had to take a deep breath to compose himself, but he was already rocking against Even’s dick.

“No?” Even arched a challenging eyebrow at him and tightened his grip on Isak’s hips as if he was bracing himself.  Isak’s brain was hardly following their words now; he was too busy snatching up all the pleasure he could from the feeling of their clothed erections grinding together and Even’s hot hands easily spanning his hips.

It shouldn’t turn him on so much to feel so small and protected with Even, but – fuck – it did.

“I’ll have to convince you how much I love it then.” Even mused, actually letting out a chuckle at Isak’s desperate nodding.  Before Isak could even blink, Even was flipping them over and hovering over Isak with a look that Isak was pretty sure was solely reserved for predators staring down their prey.

Isak’s legs fell open immediately, letting Even make himself comfortable before he wrapped his legs back around his boyfriend’s waist and pushed his hips up to meet Even’s.

“When I saw you come out of the kitchen last night, Isak- fuck-” Even broke off, punctuating his groan with a particularly hard thrust down that had Isak throbbing pre-come all over the inside of his boxers.

“In those fucking tiny jeans and this!” Even tugged at the hem of Isak’s crop top and the unexpected friction against his nipples made Isak whine.  His plan was totally getting away from him; this was meant to be about him thanking Even for looking after his sloppy drunk ass last night.

“I could feel everyone in that room fucking staring at you.  You looked so fucking sexy, baby; I had to be sure they all knew you were mine.” Even’s thumb came up to press against some of the – many – marks that were scattered across Isak’s throat like a map of Even’s territory, and that extra pressure on top of the harsh rhythm their hips had set was enough to push Isak dangerously close to the edge.

“I’m all yours.” Isak nodded, fisting the front of Even’s shirt and tugging him down for a dirty kiss that was all tongue and teeth.

“I wanna make you feel good.” Isak moaned out against Even’s lips, trying to control the way his thighs were spasming around Even’s waist as Even pressed their foreheads together to let them catch their breath.

“Yeah?” Even’s eyes were so dark; Isak could almost see his own reflection in his boyfriend’s blown out pupils.

“Roll over.” Isak whispered.  They were pressed so close together that their lips brushed together as he spoke.

“You’ll have to release your death grip first.” Even looked down at Isak’s legs pointedly and Isak was pretty sure he blushed all the way to the roots of his hair.  He took a deep breath and concentrated on relaxing his trembling legs enough so that Even could move, trying not to whine at the loss of contact when Even left the space between his legs bereft.

Even sat next to Isak with his back resting against the wall.  It was the perfect position for what Isak wanted to do.

He climbed onto Even’s lap, suddenly realising that they were both still clothed.  Somehow that just made it hotter.  He knew – somewhere in the depths of his brain – that he would regret coming in his underwear when it came to washing time, but right now the friction from that thin layer of fabric alone was making Isak sweat in the best way.

“I’m gonna be so good for you.” Isak whispered in Even’s ear as he sat himself down in his lap.  Even groaned in response, dropping his head back against the wall with a thump before suddenly changing his mind and snapping his head up to watch Isak.

What followed was the best dry humping experience Isak had ever had.

Even knew exactly when to push his hips up to meet the way Isak was grinding his hips against his cock to make Isak see stars.  His hands were constantly moving – groping at a handful of Isak’s ass, cupping his hard on through his boxers, teasing his fingers under the hem of Isak’s 100% angel top and tugging loosely at Isak’s nipple, trailing his fingers delicately across Isak’s skin wherever he could reach as if Isak was the most precious thing he had ever held, and then alternating it by holding harshly onto Isak’s hips and pulling them down to give Even the pressure he so badly needed – and it had Isak feeling as if every nerve in his body had been turned up to 100.

Isak gave as good as he got.

He wound his arms tight around Even’s neck and twisted his fingers in his hair – saving away for later how much Even seemed to like that – and used his secure position to essentially ride his boyfriend’s dick while he pressed hot open mouthed kisses to Even’s parted lips.

There was no finesse to it.

They were both chasing their orgasms and desperate to push the other over the edge first.  Isak had never been more relieved to not have a headboard, because if he had had one it would have been slamming against the wall and telling everyone in a five mile radius that they were starting their Saturday with Isak bouncing in his boyfriend’s lap.

When the time came – ha – it was Isak who fell first.

All it took was for Even to look him in the eye while he brought his hand between them and blindly groped at the head of Isak’s cock from where it was poking out of the waistband of his boxers.  Overwhelming pleasure hit him like nothing he had ever felt before, lighting up every single sensitive nerve in his body, and he had to bite into his arm to stifle the worst of the moans that were spilling out of him.

For Even all it took was the sight of Isak’s come splattering over the crop top that had teased him all night to send him over that edge too, his hips jerking up to Isak’s as he rode out his orgasm.

“Fuck.” Isak moaned into the crook of his own elbow, slumped against Even in a trembling boneless mess.

“Are- are you still coming?” Isak managed to pull himself out of his post-orgasm daze long enough to register that Even’s dick was still pulsing beneath him minutes later, and his breath caught.

“You popped a knot.” Isak blinked sleepily up at Even, grinding his hips down curiously.  If he wasn’t so completely wiped out from his orgasm he might have been interested in round two, but as it was Isak was pretty sure he was going to need a long nap.

“How could I not when I had an angel sitting on my dick?” Even tipped his head back and moaned as Isak rocked his hips lazily back and forth against Even’s dick to help prolong his orgasm.

Isak was a good boyfriend, alright?  He was all for the extension of orgasms.

“You didn’t pop a knot last time.” Isak mumbled as he lay his head to rest in the crook of Even’s neck.

“It doesn’t happen every time.” Even nodded, stroking his fingers up and down Isak’s back so lightly that Isak wasn’t even sure if he really was being touched.

“Oh.” Isak sighed.  He was already half asleep, nuzzling into Even’s neck to soak up his scent.  If Isak had thought Even’s normal scent was great, it had nothing on his post-knot-poppingly-good-orgasm scent.  Isak didn’t want to smell anything but this ever again for the rest of his life.

“Go to sleep, angel.  It’s still early for you.” Even whispered into his hair, running his fingers slowly through Isak’s curls in a motion that was guaranteed to put him to sleep.  He was almost completely under when he suddenly remembered what his whole show had been about.

“Thanks for looking after me last night.” It probably came out slurred as fuck, but Isak had a feeling that Even would understand.

Even always seemed to understand.

Chapter Text

Isak (12.08)
I am never letting you stay over again

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.10)
That seems harsh
What did I do???

Isak (12.11)
You let me come in my pants instead of insisting we both take all our clothes off like a good boyfriend

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.11)
HA!
Laundry time by any chance?

Isak (12.13)
It’s not funny! Seriously think those boxers will have to go in the bin

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.15)
It is 100% hilarious and you know it
Besides you looked like you were having a good time. Didn’t want to interfere too much, y’know ;)

Isak (12.18)
I knew you would turn out to be an unsupportive alpha in the end
This is a serious problem and you’re laughing at me!!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.20)
Baby if it’s such a big deal then I will BUY you new underwear for the sole purpose of ravaging you in them

Isak (12.24)
Don’t think we need to go THAT far
 But I hold you responsible for the mess that used to be perfectly good underwear so YOU can replace them!!!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.26)
Oh my god fine
You are such a drama queen. It was ONE pair of boxers!

Isak (12.29)
One pair of boxers that were ruined because of YOU!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (12.30)
It’s a good thing you’re cute

Isak (12.32)
<3333

***

After accepting the loss of one of his nicer pairs of boxers, Isak’s week did get better.

He went to school on Monday and eye-rolled his way through Even telling the boys that he finally saw the appeal of taking drunk Isak home in a wheelbarrow before he went off to catch up with his own third year friends.  Isak seemed relatively on top of his work in all his classes, surprising even himself when he got a test paper back with almost full marks, and he could walk through the halls without feeling as if everyone around him knew he had a great big dirty secret.

As well as all that: Even seemed to be fitting in really well with his friends which just made everything so much easier.  Every now and then Jonas and Even would butt heads, but Isak felt like that was more of a best friend vs. boyfriend thing than an alpha vs. alpha thing.

He even managed to squeeze in a visit to his mum, who looked much better than she had the last time he had seen her.  To make things even better: the first thing his mother asked when she saw him was how things were going with his new boyfriend, which had Isak’s heart swelling in his chest.  His mother had always been so full of love.

So of course he was waiting for it to all go to shit.

When he got Even’s text on Thursday night he immediately expected the worst.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (18.57)
I’m really sorry babe

Isak’s heart seized in his chest, and he must have reread those four words a hundred times before his phone buzzed again

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (18.59)
Shit! Didn’t mean to send that yet
I know we had plans for Friday night but something’s come up
Rain check? :(

Isak flopped limply back onto his bed, his body giving out on him after his anxiety went from zero to a hundred and back again in no time at all, and tried to coordinate his shaky fingers to text Even back.

Isak (19.02)
Nothing bad I hope? <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.04)
Not bad, just not something we can plan around
My parents both have to work late so I need to look after Elise
I’m sorry </3

Isak (19.03)
Jeeeeeeeez you had me scared
Who starts a text with “I’m really sorry babe” I thought you were about to dump me or something ffs

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.03)
I have no intention to ever dump you
Sorry for scaring you haha

Isak (19.05)
I’ll think about forgiving you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.05)
Thank god you’ll consider it

Isak (19.06)
You’re very lucky
Not all men would be this understanding!!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.06)
#NotAllMen

Isak (19.06)
HA!!!!

It took Isak all of three seconds to weigh the pros and cons of what he was about to suggest, but in the end the idea of not spending their shared free time together just didn’t sit right in Isak’s mind.

Isak (19.07)
I could just come over anyway?
Unless you don’t want me near your family or something haha

Nice one, Isak, he thought to himself; use a joke to cover up a real insecurity.  An insecurity that was not helped in any way shape or form by the amount of time it took Even to respond.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.11)
Are you sure????
She’s not even three yet
There’s a good chance not-fun bodily fluids will be involved at some point

Isak (19.12)
I want to work in medicine, Even, I think I can handle a toddler wetting herself
If you don’t want me around her just say so and I’ll back off

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.12)
No, that’s not what this is!!
I do want her to meet you
I just didn’t want you thinking she’d be in the background and easy to ignore or whatever
Ellie’s going to be with us the whole time

Isak (19.14)
She’s related to you, right? How bad can she be?
And believe it or not, I actually like kids that age
They haven’t had their happiness crushed out of them yet

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.16)
Don’t say that omg
I don’t want to think about her ever being sad

Isak (19.16)
Sorry x

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.16)
So you’d really come over even with Elise there?

Isak (19.17)
I’d do pretty much anything to spend time with you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (19.17)
Holy shit
That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If this weren’t a babysitting date you might have got a blowjob for that

Isak (19.19)
Next time ;)

***

That was how Isak found himself on the tram on a Friday night with his overnight bag, heading for a night of what he could only assume was going to be mind numbing cartoons, juice, and the potential pitter-patter of pee on the floor at any moment.

But there he was: looking forward to it because it also meant a lazy night in with his boyfriend.  Or maybe not a total veg out, seeing as they had to make sure the toddler didn’t go mental, but close enough.  Either way Isak was ready for a more chill Friday session after drunkenly embarrassing himself last Friday.

He had only been to Even’s a couple of times – because they almost always ended up at the kollektiv where there was a bit more privacy than in Even’s family home – but he could just about remember his way from the tram stop.  When he got to the front door he allowed himself a few seconds to collect himself: calming his breathing and trying to slow his racing thoughts.

No matter where he was going or how much time he had Isak always found that he walked as if the devil himself was coming after him, which almost always meant that he arrived at his destination out of breath.  When he was finally convinced he no longer sounded like a lunatic – or the out of shape asthmatic that he was – he raised his hand and knocked on the door.

The living room was upstairs, but Isak was pretty sure he could hear the faint sounds of a TV from inside.  There was a murmur of movement and seconds later the door was swinging open.

“You made it!” Even grinned, stepping aside to let Isak in out of the November freeze.  “I wasn’t sure if you would remember the way.”

“Me? I’m the master of directions!  I totally knew how to get here!” Isak bragged as he let the warmth wash over him.  It made his face tingle, but in the good way that promised he would soon be nice and snug after battling the harsh wind outside.

“Sure you are.” Even’s lips twitched but he didn’t call Isak out on that blatant lie.

“So what’s the plan?” Isak toed his shoes off by the door and looked over at Even, taking a moment to enjoy his soft rumpled hair.

“We usually have dinner at about six, so Elise can be in bed by eight.  Apart from that it’s pretty laid back.” Even shrugged, lacing their fingers together and guiding Isak up the stairs and into the lounge.  It was tripping Isak out a little to be in such an open space; usually they hid themselves away in one of their bedrooms so that no one would interrupt them, but not tonight.

“Ellie-belly, this is Isak.  Remember I said was staying here tonight?” Even knelt down in front in front of the sofa, in front of the sweetest looking little girl.

“Isak.” Elise repeated, looking at her brother with big blue eyes.  “Isak stay?” She added after a moment’s thought.

“Yeah, that’s right.  You wanna say hello?” Even angled his torso so that Elise could see Isak from where he had been hiding behind Even’s shoulder.

“Hi, Elise.” Isak gave her a little wave, not sure how brave a child Even’s sister was.

“Hi.” Elise said shyly, her eyes flitting nervously back to Even.

“He’s gonna chill and watch some movies with us.  Is that okay?” Even checked.  Isak held his breath nervously; this was the moment that he could either sit down or he’d make his excuses and go home.

“Isak has curly hair too!” Elise announced, patting her own wispy brown curls.

“That’s a yes then.” Even laughed while Isak let out a breath of relief.

“Thank fu- uh, thank god.” Isak caught himself quickly before he ended up dropping the F-bomb in front of Even’s baby sister barely minutes after meeting her.  He sat himself down on the sofa and immediately nestled into Even’s side.

“What are we watching?” Isak cushioned his head on Even’s shoulder and looked up at him from under his lashes.

“We were about to put Moana on, weren’t we, Elise?” Even looked at the other end of the sofa where his sister was curled up, and Isak couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him at Elise’s excited squeal.

“Ja ja ja ja!” She scrambled to her feet on the sofa and lurched precariously over to Even, holding her hands out to catch herself when she fell into his side.

“Go get the DVD then.” Even encouraged as he plonked her down on her feet on the floor.  Isak’s eyes could hardly keep up as Elsie dashed over to the line of DVD racks beneath the telly and plucked Moana from a rack that looked like it was reserved solely for animated movies.

“In the player!  In the player!” Elsie said over and over, thrusting the DVD case into Even’s face.

“I’ll do it, then you and Even can get comfy?” Isak offered, hoping to win some points with Even’s sister.  She stared at him for a few seconds before nodding enthusiastically and shoving the case at Isak instead.  While Elise scrambled up and pulled the blanket clumsily over her and Even, Isak tried to figure out the Bech Næsheim DVD player as quickly as possible to avoid embarrassing himself.

Thankfully Even had the remotes already so he got the telly all set up while all Isak had to do was insert the DVD.  Embarrassment avoided.

When he looked back at the sofa and saw Elise curled into Even’s side he hesitated.  Where was he meant to sit?  Usually he cuddled up with Even but he didn’t want to disrupt the cosy little family moment that was clearly happening on the sofa.

“Are you coming back, babe?” Even’s laughter snapped Isak out of his over-thinking.  He gave Even a weak smile and walked the short distance back to the sofa on his knees, too tired to consider getting up properly.  Just as Isak was about to pull himself back onto the sofa he noticed Elise eyeing him in his peripheral vision.

“My brother.” She wrapped her little arms around the arm Even had looped around her in what was clearly a possessive display.  Before Isak could start to panic Even was dealing with it.

“There’s plenty of me to share!” Even said brightly.  “I’m Elise’s brother and Isak’s boyfriend, and I have two arms to be able to hug both of you!” His voice stayed bright, but he spoke with a tone of finality that Isak didn’t dare challenge.  He got back onto the sofa and tentatively sat next to Even, waiting for some sort of backlash from Elise.

Much to his relief it never came.

Even used his free arm to pull Isak tight into his side and then share some of the big blanket with him.  Elise seemed more at ease now that Even had made it clear that they were sharing Even, and Isak wondered if Elise had been worried about Isak stealing her brother away.

It was kind of sweet, in an intimidated-by-a-two-year-old sort of way.

Any lingering remnant of a bad mood evaporated as soon as the film started.  Elise was totally fascinated with Moana, leaving Isak free to snuggle up to Even under the blanket without fear of being told off by the toddler.

It was actually…really nice.

Isak had been expecting to be awkwardly on the side lines while Even dealt with tantrums or accidents or God knows what, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  After Elise’s initial wariness of the stranger in her living room wore off she was a delight to watch.

Honestly: Isak watched her more than he watched Even or the screen.

She would try to sing along and clapped her hands enthusiastically sort of to the rhythm of the music.  Even, of course, knew all the words and sang them clear as day.  Isak wasn’t even the tiniest bit surprised, but Elise seemed delighted that her big brother could sing all the words.

The only moment of privacy Isak got with his boyfriend was when Elise suddenly sat up and looked up at Even with big eyes and told him that she needed a wee.  Even paused the DVD for her wordlessly and she scrambled off the sofa and out to the bathroom.

Alone.

“Can- can she like…go on her own?” Isak asked uncertainly.  He’d been in the bathroom before and it was definitely adult sized.

“She has a step.” Even explained.  “She can move it between the toilet and the sink.  She’s all good in there.  It’s cute that you’re worried, though.” Even winked before burying his hair in Isak’s hair and breathing in deeply.

“I was really nervous about how this would go.” Even admitted after a few deep breaths.  “But this is really good.  She likes you.” Even skimmed his nose lightly against Isak’s temple and Isak immediately angled his head for a kiss, which Even was more than willing to give him.  They kept it PG, ready for Elise to show back up at any second.

“I don’t know if I’d say she likes me.” Isak disagreed uncertainly.  Elise hadn’t really interacted with him much at all.

“No, she definitely does.  If she doesn’t like someone she gets so quiet.  She’d never be doing all this singing and dancing if she didn’t feel okay with you.  And she definitely wouldn’t have said that she needed the toilet out loud; she’d have whispered it in my ear at the last second.  She can be pretty shy.”

Isak had apparently been looking for too much in his mind for Elise to like him.  He had been expecting talking and laughing with him, but he was realising now that that was something he would have to work up to.

He wanted to.

It surprised him, but he did.  He wanted to get to the stage with Elise’s sister where they could have fun.

Elise came back after a few minutes and resumed her position on Even’s other side and Isak pressed play without even looking at Even.

The next time there were only two people on the sofa was when Even had to get up to reheat pasta for their dinner.  Isak’s stomach felt like it had fallen straight through his feet at the thought of being left alone with Elise so early on, but she just rearranged herself under the blanket in the space Even had left and continued watching the movie.

When she shuffled closer and cuddled into Isak’s side he had to actively try not to tense up.  It took a couple of minutes, but eventually he relaxed back into the sofa and got used to the pressure of Elise’s little body resting against his own.

“Well, don’t you two look cosy!” Even grinned when he came back in.  “Good movie?” Even winked over at Isak and he rolled his eyes.  Because – really – what other response was there to such a question?

“Dinner time?” Elise asked hopefully.

“You got it, Ellie-belly.  Go wash your hands.” Even helped her slip down from the sofa and Isak’s heart warmed at the sound of her little feet padding across to the bathroom.

“She’s really sweet.” Isak followed Even back into the kitchen to help him dish the food out, and the smell of pesto immediately made his mouth water.  He tried his best not to get drool on the plates he was setting on the table.

He was a good guest that way.

“Yeah, she is.” Even’s face softened as he nodded his agreement.  It was clear as day how much Even loved his little sister.

“Ready!” Elise squealed as she ran back into the kitchen.  She dashed right past Isak, her little socks sliding slightly on the kitchen lino, and clambered up onto a chair.

“Walking feet inside, Elise.” Even frowned at her and she immediately ducked her head down.

“I’m just gonna go wash up, okay?” Isak reached over and kissed Even’s cheek unthinkingly before making his way out of the kitchen and into the main bathroom.  It was only when he locked the door behind him that it occurred to him that it might have been totally inappropriate to kiss Even in front of his little sister.

He tried not to analyse it to death.  He actively focused on peeing and washing his hands, concentrating on the most minute details of the mundane tasks to stop his mind straying.  Once he was all clean for dinner Isak found himself staring into his reflection on the front of the bathroom cabinet, silently willing himself to chill out.

When he looked back on that moment he would never really know what possessed him to do what he did next.

He had never been the sort of person to snoop in people’s bathroom cabinets at parties or when he was over at friends’.  He hadn’t even had the urge to do it on previous visits to Even’s, but that night it hit him hard.

And Isak was really bad at resisting temptation.

He hardly had to touch the little cabinet door for it to swing open and he wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse about snooping.  There wasn’t much inside, which just made Isak wonder what the fuck he had been expecting.  There was a pot with all their toothbrushes and the toothpaste tube in – which Isak thought was pretty cute – and some generic bathroom supplies like extra razors and shaving foam.

And then some small print that looked like Even’s name caught Isak’s eye and he did something he knew he shouldn’t.

He turned the box over so that he could read the label properly.

He didn’t recognise the name of the drug, but the box did indeed have Even’s name on the front.  He was almost 90% sure that Even was fine, but for some reason the fact that Isak didn’t know the name of the drug worried him.  What if Even was taking meds for something really serious and Isak didn’t even know it?

Not wanting to spend a suspicious amount of time in the bathroom, Isak opted to quickly write the name of the drug on a note on his phone before putting the box back the way he found it and closing the cabinet again.  He took a breath to compose himself and then went back into the kitchen.

Dinner was a laid back affair.  They ate pasta and talked a little about their days, and when Even asked Elise about her day at nursery she told him about painting and how she had to put her mittens on to go outside and they both acted as if it was the most fascinating thing they had ever heard.

When the food was all gone Even gave Elise a wet cloth that was definitely designed for small children (it was tiny) and told her to wipe the pesto beard off her face while he washed the dishes.  Isak watched fondly as Elise giggled and clumsily wiped her face before he got up and dried the plates that Even had rinsed out.

“How did you do?” Even bent down over Elise so that he was looking at her upside down and she laughed delightedly.

“Is Even being silly?” Isak teased as he dried off the last plate.

“Even’s a silly sausage!” Elise nodded solemnly as she tilted her little face up to Even for pesto inspection.

“Ellie-belly is the silliest sausage!” Even grinned.  “You’re all clean!  You can go watch some cartoons while dinner goes down.” Even held her hand while she slid down from her chair.  She scampered back to the living room, leaving Isak blissfully alone with his boyfriend.

“You’re so good with her.” Isak smiled over at him.

“It’s not a glamorous life, but I love it.  It’s crazy watching her grow into a personality and stuff.” Even shook his head like he couldn’t believe it all.  “Are you sure you’re not bored?  You can go wait in my room for a bit if you want a bre-”

Isak kissed him quiet before he could finish his sentence, and he was delighted to feel Even smile against his lips.  It was hardly a kiss at all; they were pressed close together simply smiling against each others lips, but it had butterflies flapping like mad in Isak’s stomach.

Which was risky, considering how full of pasta he was.

“I don’t need a break from you two.  But having you to myself for a few minutes is nice.” Isak winked, playing absently with the belt loops of Even’s jeans.

“Yeah, not much privacy with a toddler.  I did warn you.” Even laughed and dropped his head down to rest in the curve of Isak’s neck.  It was probably exhausting for Even to constantly be in big brother mode, so Isak spent the next couple of minutes idly rubbing Even’s back over his shirt.  They could have taken advantage of the privacy to sneak a quick make out session, but somehow this felt way more intimate.  It was almost like they were a little family tonight.

“You’re gonna make me fall asleep.” Even groaned eventually and took a step away from Isak, effectively ending their cosy moment together.

They migrated to the lounge for the next half hour; the three of them all sprawled out on the sofa letting their dinner go down watching whatever obnoxious cartoon Elise had put on.  Isak just closed his eyes and rested his shoulder against Even’s arm, focusing on his boyfriend’s pleasant scent and not much else.

It wasn’t until Even sat up and started talking to his sister that Isak realised he was practically asleep on the sofa.  He couldn’t stop the little groan that puffed past his lips as he tried to lift his head, but almost instantly there was a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Stay.  I got this.” Even’s lips brushed against Isak’s forehead as he whispered.  And, well, Isak didn’t need to be told twice to stay nice and comfy on the sofa after such a big dinner, so he let himself relax again.

He had no idea how long it was until the next time he woke up, but when he did he realised two things very quickly.  The first was the weight of a blanket on top of him that hadn’t been there when he fell asleep, and the second was the sound of voices coming from nearby.

Fuck.

Isak had not been mentally prepared to meet Even’s parents.  He had only been awake for a few seconds but his anxiety was already raring to go: firing off scenario after scenario of ways that Isak was going to fuck this up.  Reluctantly Isak opened his eyes and darted them around quickly to see if they were in the lounge.

“Oh, shit, did we wake you, baby?” Even was suddenly right there and Isak felt some of the tension melt out of him.

“No, think I woke up on my own.” Isak mumbled as he grabbed weakly at Even’s shirt to pull him closer, pressing his face into his boyfriend’s neck and nuzzling there to help wake himself up.

“Okay.” Even hugged him close but the angle was so awkward with Even stood up that Isak rose to his feet as well just to be able to hug his boyfriend properly.

“Are your parents home?” Isak asked nervously into the crook of Even’s neck.

“Yeah, I was just about to say goodnight to them and take you back to my room.  It’s gone ten.” Even ran his fingers slowly through Isak’s hair and Isak couldn’t help but melt into the touch.

“Okay.” He nodded, trying to press himself closer to Even.

“Wanna come with me?  Then we can go to bed?” Isak’s heart immediately started beating double time at Even’s offer.  Even wanted him to meet his parents minutes after waking up from his food coma on their sofa; what if he made a complete twat of himself?

“We’ll only be there a second.” Even seemed to sense Isak’s raging anxiety and he rubbed Isak’s back in the most comforting way.  Isak couldn’t seem to make his voice work, though, so he had to settle for a weak nod against Even’s neck before pulling away so they could walk to the kitchen.  Even tangled their fingers together and pulled him along, evidently going for the ripping the plaster off approach.

“Mum, dad, we’re going to bed now.  Night!” Even said brightly from where they hovered in the kitchen doorway.  He was so light and airy, but Isak felt rooted to the spot.  Even’s parents were close together and grinning at each other, and for some reason that made Isak break out into a cold sweat.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his mum and dad look like that.  His stomach felt like it was turning over inside him and it took Isak a few seconds to realise that he was deeply unsettled at the sight of two parents looking so happy together in their shared home.

“Goodnight.” He managed to croak out before he dragged Even out of the doorway and towards Even’s room.

“Isak, are you alright?” Even’s hands were on his face the moment they were inside his bedroom, his worried blue eyes searching Isak’s face.

“I’m so fucked up.” Isak mumbled, more to himself than anything else.

“What’s wrong?” Even was stroking his cheeks and Isak could feel himself flushing with embarrassment just from the way Even’s fingers started feeling cold against his skin.

“Can we go to bed?” Isak swallowed.  “It’s easier to talk in there.” He added quietly when he saw the look on Even’s face.

“Okay.” Even nodded, watching Isak like he was going to fall apart at any second.  They changed into their pyjamas quietly; Isak used the time to try to find the words to explain what a head case his parents had turned him into.

They slid into bed together and Even immediately pulled Isak close to him.  They tangled their legs together and their hands found each other and they rested their foreheads together.  There wasn’t a single place they weren’t touching and Isak had never felt safer.

He took a deep breath to steady himself.

“My dad walked out on my mum a couple of years ago.” He began.  “But even before he left things were shit.  They would argue, but most of the time he tried to just sweep everything under the rug and pretend it was fine because that was just more convenient for him.” The words tasted like metal in Isak’s mouth and he hated it.

“That never helps anything.” Even agreed, his nose brushing Isak’s as he nodded.

“You know- you know I said my mum was sick?” Isak swallowed thickly.

“Mhmm.” Even hummed.

“She’s schizophrenic.  She hears and sees things that aren’t there and she gets scared.” Isak’s chest ached just thinking about it, but he ploughed forwards.  “She got really bad for a while.  She was delusional more than she was lucid, and one day my dad just decided that he’d had enough of the two of us.  His gay son and his crazy wife.” Isak said bitterly, tucking his chin into his chest as if he could keep the hurt out that way.

“That’s awful.” Even somehow pulled Isak closer and Isak closed his eyes at the contact.

“I was terrified.  And then one night she had this- this massive meltdown and she was throwing things and screaming and crying and one of the neighbours called the police because of the noise.  Long story short: I got a few stitches and my mum got hospitalised because she was a danger to herself and others.” Isak’s eyes felt horribly wet as he spoke and he tried his best to keep the tears in.

“Baby…” Even had no idea what to say, so instead he held Isak as close as he could to try to cuddle the hurt right out of his boyfriend.

“And now I guess I’m so fucked up from my parents’ shitty relationship and even shittier break up that just seeing two happy parents in one house completely throws me.” Isak laughed bitterly, but this time the tears brimming in his eyes won out and they spilled over his burning cheeks.

“Please don’t cry.” Even’s whisper sounded so pained that it tugged at something in Isak’s chest.  He had done that.  He had made Even upset.  Before he could apologise, though, Even was kissing the tears off of Isak’s cheeks in a gesture so intimate that it took Isak’s breath away.

“I’m sorry their break up was so messy.” Even breathed quietly into the space between them and Isak shook his head slightly.

“Their break up was inevitable.  And my mum’s doing a lot better now.” It felt important to Isak that he emphasised that bit.

“I actually- I actually told her about you.” He added shyly, looking down.

“You did?” Even sounded so surprised – and so happy – that Isak had to sneak a peek at his face.  At the sight of Even’s huge grin Isak was helpless to do anything but smile back.

“Of course.  I had to brag about my sexy dork of an Alpha boyfriend.” He winked, the last trace of tears drying up.  He had no idea how Even did that; he just made everything feel so much easier.

“Of course.” Even grinned, his eyes shining so brightly that Isak couldn’t think of a single constellation that could rival him.

“Do you think – maybe – one day…you’d like to meet her?” Isak’s heart hammered in his chest, waiting for Even to stutter awkwardly about not wanting to meet Isak’s psycho mother, and he immediately started second guessing his offer.

It was probably too soon to think about planned meeting of the parents, right?  Isak had only briefly seen Even’s parents tonight and it had been an accident more than anything else.  Fuck, what the fuck was wrong with him-

“Baby, I’d be honoured to meet your mum.  No rush, though.” It was like Even could read his mind and – honestly – Isak was so grateful.  He wasn’t sure if he was ready for Even to meet his mum yet.

But one day.

One day he would introduce them to each other; two of the most important people in his life.  It was scary how quickly Even had gained himself that title, but it was true.  Isak couldn’t imagine going back to an Even-less life now.

“For now: how about we go to sleep?” Even suggested, running the cold tip of his nose along the side of Isak’s nose.

“Sounds good to me.” Isak mumbled.  His body felt like it was tied to a ton of bricks after the night’s unexpected emotional rollercoaster.  Tangled up with Even, surrounded by his warmth and his scent, and with his face tucked securely in the crook of his alpha’s neck Isak fell easily into sleep.

Even knew that he should go and take his meds, but there was no force strong enough in the universe that could have pulled him out of his bed and away from Isak at that moment.

Isak was by far more important.

Chapter Text

As much as they both wanted to spend the weekend together, Even had family commitments and Isak was not emotionally ready to deal with that.  So Saturday morning he kissed his boyfriend goodbye bright and early (too early, if he was honest) and got the tram back home.

He spent most of his journey home thinking about how nice it had been to just chill with Even and Elise; he was even weirdly sad about saying goodbye to Elise at the door where she had offered him some grapes to take for his breakfast. 

When he wasn’t thinking about all of that he was thinking about how much he really wanted a few more hours sleep, so as soon as he got back to the kollektiv he went directly back to bed and passed the fuck out until way after noon. 

It was only then, when his brain finally felt rested and the last dregs of sleep cleared, that he remembered Even’s mysterious prescription.  Guilt made his stomach clench, but his anxious brain kept concocting more and more unlikely horrifying health scenarios to explain those pills and in the end a surprisingly deep-rooted worry for Even won out.

After a quick look at the photo on his phone he typed the name of the drug into Google and waited to be told that his boyfriend was dying. 

The results that did pop up were definitely not what Isak was expecting.  He found himself faced with pages and pages of links to articles about mood disorders, and at the top a long list of drugs with similar sounding names.  Feeling more than a little overwhelmed Isak clicked on the first link he could see from a reputable looking website. 

Valmotrimate will only be prescribed by a doctor for rapid cycling bipolar disorder when other mood stabilisers have been found ineffective.  Originally designed to treat seizures in homo-exquis patients it was also found to have mood stabilising effects and is now one of the leading drugs in homo-exquis mood disorder treatments.

Please note that this drug does not stop episodes; to increase your likelihood of staying episode free Valmotrimate should be taken as part of a well-rounded treatment regime including talking therapies, healthy diet and exercise, and a consistent sleep schedule. 

This drug is aimed predominantly at hom-ex patients with strong A/B/O genes and is unsuitable for hom-ex patients with Fae genes due to their vastly different brain chemistry.  This drug should not be taken by omegas who are trying to conceive or are pregnant.

Common side effects of Valmotrimate include: 

• Decrease in hormone production (may present as not showing typical traits of their status)
• Headaches and dizziness 
• Tiredness 
• Loss of appetite 
• May cause irregularities in rut or heat cycles in younger patients

Isak closed the tab quickly, his stomach turning over unpleasantly as he tried to process all this new information.  Even…was bipolar?  He couldn’t get his head around it.  Even always seemed so- so well put together and on top of things.  He was the stable one of the two of them, and now that was out the window.

And what about the bit about decreasing Even’s hormone production?  Isak had always been relieved that Even wasn’t much of an alpha, but apparently that was just down to his bipolar medication?  What happened if one day Even changed meds or he stopped taking them and he became a completely different person?  What if he was one of those alphas underneath it all?

Isak had to shake his head to get rid of that thought, because he knew somehow that Even could never be one of those alphas.  It definitely explained why Even had hardly any scent if his hormone production was whacked.

What were the chances that they’d both lost their scents because of drugs they were taking to keep their real messy selves in check?

And then there was the fact that Isak had totally invaded his boyfriend’s privacy because he couldn’t just deal with not knowing what Even’s drugs were treating.  What the hell had he been thinking??  Why couldn’t he just keep a lid on his neurosis for one day?  He had totally violated Even, and the worst part was that Even didn’t even know it. 

Isak had no idea if he should confess or just let Even tell him in his own time that he was mentally ill and, fuck, it gave Isak a stomach ache to think of his boyfriend – his smart funny beautiful amazing boyfriend – falling apart on him like his mother had.

He really didn’t think he could do that again.  Just thinking about having to hold someone else together like had tried to do with his mother had his blood pressure rising. 

He needed to talk to someone about it or he was going to make himself sick.  He couldn’t go to Even with this problem, so it was time for the big guns. 

It was time to talk to his boys. 

Isak (13.47) 
Guys I’ve really fucked up 
This is urgent  

Magnus (13.50) 
What did you do haha 

Jonas (13.51) 
I’m sure it’s not that bad?  

Isak (13.53) 
When I was at Even’s last night I looked in their medicine cabinet 
And I saw a box with Even’s name on it….  

Mahdi (13.55) 
Okay that’s creepy but not exactly a major crime??? 

Magnus (13.55) 
What was it?  

Jonas (13.56) 
How is Isak meant to know what it is? He isn’t a pharmacist 

Isak (13.58) 
…..I took a picture of it last night and Googled the name this morning 
And found out something really personal about Even that I totally shouldn’t have snooped on 
And I feel so fucking bad  

Mahdi (13.59) 
Wtf bro!!!  

Magnus (13.59) 
That’s messed up Isak  

Jonas (13.59) 
You totally violated his privacy!!! 
What were you thinking?!?!  

Isak (14.01) 
I clearly wasn’t 
I convinced myself that he was going to be taking meds for some terminal disease and that he was keeping his sickness from me and I totally psyched myself out 
And now I don’t know what to do  

Mahdi (14.01) 
You have to tell him 
He has the right to know that you know whatever secret thing he has  

Jonas (14.02) 
I’m with Mahdi on this one 
You gotta fess up  

Magnus (14.03) 
What were they drugs for??  

Jonas (14.04)
Magnus!!!
It’s NOT Isak’s place to tell us that shit!!

Mahdi (14.05)
If Even wanted us to know we’d know

Isak (14.07)
Jonas and Mahdi are right
But I’m freaking myself out over thinking about it

Magnus (14.08)
I’m not asking to snoop on our friend
I’m asking because OBVIOUSLY Isak isn’t dealing with it very well

Mahdi (14.08)
Isak doesn’t deal with ANYTHING well, Mags

Isak (14.09)
NOT THE POINT MAHDI
THIS IS SERIOUS

Jonas (14.10)
If he tells us then we’re just as bad as him
Snooping on Even

Magnus (14.10)
Tell us without telling us then
Don’t give us the name or whatever
Just tell us what’s freaking you out about it?

Mahdi (14.11)
That sounds okay

Jonas (14.11)
It all feels pretty shady to me
But Isak is my best bro so I suppose I’d better help him avoid a nervous breakdown

Isak (14.13)
He’s….got a mental illness

Magnus (14.16)
Wait
That’s it?
I thought there was gonna be more coming

Mahdi (14.17)
So he’s got a mental illness? Most people do

Jonas (14.18)
He doesn’t seem particularly violent with it or anything like some people
Seems to me like he has it under control

Mahdi (14.19)
Yeah, with those drugs Isak snooped on probably

Magnus (14.20)
It’s 2016 Isak don’t be That Guy who thinks everyone with an MI is a psycho
I mean look at my mum
She’s bipolar and no one who didn’t know her well would know it
It’s not a big deal

Isak (14.22)
It’s not like that
But thanks guys
This helped
I think

Mahdi (14.24)
Next time there’s an emergency you’d better be on fire, I was about to go for a nap

Jonas (14.25)
That sounds sweet
I might do that too
See you losers on Monday

Isak (14.26)
Well shit thanks for all your support guys

Magnus (14.28)
Just talk to him man
Even’s not brain dead just because he has an MI

Isak (14.32)
Thanks Mags
I’ll try
See you all at school

***

Isak had zero intention of telling Even about it at all, he had decided.  He just couldn’t find the words to explain why he did what he did and he really didn’t want to rock the boat of their relationship this early on.  He would let Even tell him when he’s good and ready, but in the mean time he did do a little bit of research on being bipolar and he felt a little bit calmer for knowing more.

He was adamant that this was not going to be like with his mother.  Isak refused to be in the dark again.

Unfortunately, Isak had bigger problems to deal with come Monday morning.

It was freezing cold, a positively delightful -1, and he had missed his tram and had to speed walk to school if he had a hope in hell of getting there in time.  Time had got away from him and he’d actually had to run the last few streets to get to Nissen on time and his body was not thanking him for it.  He was pretty sure someone had struck a match inside his lungs.

“Damn, you look like shit.” Magnus laughed at the sight of him when Isak stumbled up the last few steps to where the boys congregated on a Monday morning.  He had five miraculous minutes before he had to go to class and he intended to sit on the floor and get his breath back and not do much else.

“Thanks.” Isak’s voice came out raspy and horrible and he was momentarily embarrassed by how out of shape he was.  The thought was quickly put to the back of his mind when he rested his back against the wall and slid down onto the floor, overcome with relief to not have to run anymore.  He was vaguely aware of the boys talking over his head but he felt like his ears had been stuffed with cotton wool.

When a hand touched his face Isak’s heart almost exploded in his chest and he slapped it away frantically.

“You’re really pale.” Jonas’ face appeared in front of him and Isak pushed him away weakly.

“I just ran- all the way here- in minus weather.” Isak felt like someone was strangling him; it was so fucking hard getting his words out.  “See how- you look- after that.” He wheezed.

“Not all of us are as out of shape as you.” Mahdi winked and Isak couldn’t help but laugh in agreement.

In typical Isak luck, though, laughing faded into breathless gasping before turning into painful coughing.  Instinctively he ducked his head to cough, but it made the tight feeling in his chest a thousand times worse.

“Oh, hey boys.” Even’s voice came from miles away, but Isak could see his boyfriend’s jean-clad knees barely a foot away from where he had planted himself on the floor.

“Good weekend- Isak?” And then Even was sat right in front of him and all of Isak’s guilt from the weekend hit him full force all over again and made breathing even more difficult.

He needed to find his inhaler.  Like, right now.  But his limbs felt all tingly and he couldn’t quite remember how to make them work properly.

Cue anxiety.

He couldn’t breathe, he had betrayed his boyfriend, and now he couldn’t make his body move to get to his inhaler.  Panic grabbed hold of him tight and his breath came in even shorter gasps that sounded painfully wheezy even to his own ears.

“He’s having an asthma attack.” Jonas was the one who realised first, and immediately he went for Isak’s bag.  “He used to carry his inhaler in here, I don’t know if he still does.”

I do, I do, I do, Isak thought desperately as Jonas rummaged through his rucksack.

“It’s going to be alright, baby, we’ll get your inhaler and it’ll be okay, okay?” Even wasn’t crowding him, thankfully, but he was rubbing Isak’s crossed knees comfortingly.  If Isak hadn’t been too stressed about possibly suffocating in a random corridor of his school he might have appreciated the gesture.

It felt like hours to Isak, but he knew it was probably hardly a minute, until he heard the familiar rattle of his inhaler being shaken.  He looked up at Jonas frantically and tried to grab his inhaler, but Even got it first.  He took the cap off and Isak just about managed to close his mouth over the mouthpiece, he was shaking so much.

Even literally had his life in his hands.

The first puff came and Isak immediately felt the relief; the pressure started to lessen around his chest as the drugs worked their way in and he shakily took a breath.  Even waited a few more seconds before giving Isak a second puff and Isak was finally able to take a deep breath in to take in all the sweet stop-you-suffocating drugs in.

“There we go.” Even was still rubbing his thigh, Isak realised as his inhaler was taken out of his mouth.

“Thanks.” He croaked, although Even probably didn’t hear him over the bell going off.

“Are you gonna be alright to go to class?” Magnus frowned down at him and Isak dropped his head back against the wall tiredly.  He really didn’t want to get up off the floor.

“I’m going to take him home.” Even said before Isak had even decided himself what he was going to do.

“Let us know if you need anything.” Mahdi and Jonas said at the same time, shooting each other amused grins.

“Will do.” Even nodded.  Isak barely had the wits about him to wave his friends goodbye as they went to their respective classrooms, which made him feel like even more of an idiot than he already did.

What the hell had he been thinking?  He should have just waited for the next tram and been late.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an asthma attack, and now he’d practically begged the universe to make his airway clam up because he hadn’t been thinking.  Clearly not thinking and fucking things up was Isak’s newest trend.

“Can you stand?” Even stroked his cheek gently and Isak let out a tired puff of air.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, shakily getting to his feet.  He felt like fucking bambi, which was ridiculous for a 17 year old boy.

“Elise is asthmatic too.  I didn’t realise yours was so bad.” Even said quietly as they took the stairs one at a time.

“It’s not.  That was my first attack in about two years.” Isak muttered.  He was already getting a massive headache; he just wanted to lie back down in his bed and sleep it off.

“Okay.” Even squeezed his waist reassuringly, and after that they lapsed into a natural silence.  Isak didn’t have the energy – or the desire, really – to fill to silence, and neither did Even.  It was nice, though.  Isak was relieved that he and Even could be silent and it wasn’t uncomfortable.

Everything would be uncomfortable if he knew what you did, Isak’s brain helpfully pointed out as they walked to the tram stop.  Isak barely suppressed a groan and rested his forehead against Even’s shoulder.

He was so fucked.

Thankfully, Even seemed to write it off as post-asthma-attack exhaustion and tightened his arm around Isak’s waist and helped him onto the tram when it arrived rather than question him.  They had to stand on the tram, seeing as it was still peak commuting hours, but Even held Isak so close that he couldn’t think about anything other than Even’s musky scent.

But that just reminded him about his snooping dilemma and set his mind going in circles all over again.

It was a miracle that Isak made it back to the kollektiv at all, between the exhaustion from his unexpected morning run (and the resulting asthma attack) and the guilt gnawing at his stomach he was sure he was just going to drop dead on the pavement.  Even hustled him back inside, muttering about getting Isak out of the cold, and quickly gave Eskild an explanation as to why he was practically dragging Isak back home before his first class was even halfway through.

Isak dropped his bag gratefully and crumpled onto his bed.  He didn’t even have to ask before Even was settling next to him, clothes and all.  Isak was vaguely aware of Even pulling the duvet over them both and he nestled closer to his boyfriend in their little cocoon.

He focused on keeping his breathing regulated: deep and even and slow, making sure to fill his lungs as much as he could before letting the air go slowly.

Honestly, Isak felt like this new information about Even had turned his life upside down.  He felt like he had lost the modicum of a grip he had started to gain on his life.  Deep down he knew he was going to have to come clean, because the guilt was already killing him.

He was just about to drift off when Even’s voice ghosted over his ear.

“We’re literally never smoking together again, babe.” Even whispered.  “You are a smoke free zone now.” He added before burying his face in Isak’s hair.

“As if.” Isak mumbled tiredly.

You wouldn’t want to do anything with me if you knew what I’d done.

Chapter Text

In what Isak could only assume was pure unadulterated karma his Monday headache blew up into a full on migraine.

When he had woken up sometime Monday afternoon he had been alone; Even had left a little note on his bedside table saying that he couldn’t afford to miss too many classes and had gone back to school, and Isak had found himself immensely relieved.  He had no idea how he was meant to handle the massive mess he had made, but he did know that he could hardly look Even in the eye as it was.  So Even going back to school was probably the best thing for both of them.

By 1500 Isak knew his headache was starting to turn into something else.  He was trying to do some of his homework when he realised that his light was way too bright, but turning it off didn’t seem to ease the throbbing in his brain at all.  He turned the brightness all the way down on his laptop and his phone but they both still felt like they were blasting laser beams directly into his aching brain.

That was when he abandoned his homework in favour of hiding under his duvet with his eyes shut.  The dark and the warmth helped with his budding migraine, but it did nothing to quell the guilt in his stomach.

He was 100% sure that this migraine was his body’s way of making him really feel his guilt.  Isak thought it was overkill, because he was definitely feeling guilty enough without his body trying to kill him.

It was probably about an hour after that when his phone started buzzing.  The noise cut straight through Isak like a knife and he quickly groped at his phone to stop the bad sounds emitting from it.  He squinted at the screen to see what had been so important that it had been worth stabbing Isak directly in the brain and his stomach sunk even further.

He had two notifications: one text from Even asking how he was, and one from the news app on his phone.

November 14^th 2016: families of those killed in the Dallas Omega Health Clinic shooting mark one year since the tragedy.

Isak swiped that banner off his screen quickly, but the damage was already done.

All the feelings rushed back through Isak so quickly that he was sure he was going to be sick, but he felt too stiff to move.  He remembered so viscerally how he had felt when he heard the news last year.

It had been a Saturday evening and he’d been visiting his mum; the two of them sat on the sofa in the day room under a blanket.  Isak had almost been able to fool himself that they were sat in their own living room.  They had been talking about nothing, but Isak had been soaking it all up like a sponge because it had been so long since his mum had been lucid.  He had been about to say something when words from the telly – its volume low enough to just be background noise rather than the focus of attention – caught his ear.

“- unprecedented omega hate crime.  49 omegas have been confirmed dead, with 18 more in critical condition.  The gunmen have been apprehended and are said to be members of a radical traditionalist alpha group-”

The ringing in Isak’s ears stopped him from hearing any more of the story, but he already felt like he had heard too much.  Almost 50 people had killed – people who were like him – just because they happened to be at the clinic that day.  Just because they happened to be omegas who wanted to be in control of their own bodies rather than at the whim of an alpha.

Isak’s heart was hammering in his chest.  How could he ever come out if there were people out there so ready to slaughter him for not buying into traditionalist values?

He could never come out.

He wouldn’t ever be one of those omega statistics.

How had it been a year?  Isak’s stomach was twisting and clenching horribly with a hellish mix of guilt over Even and distress about the Dallas shooting.  If Isak had ever really considered admitting his true status those thoughts had died with the 57 omegas that had died in the shooting.

Sure, ten had survived.  But what life could they have?

There just wasn’t any life out there for an omega.

If you didn’t want to be bent in half by an alpha at all times then what was the point in even being an omega?  That was how those traditionalists saw it, and they weren’t afraid to intimidate or hurt an omega who dared to stand up for themselves or their right to bodily autonomy.

In the months after the shooting there had been a violent increase in young omega suicides, and Isak knew – deep down, in the vault of thoughts that he hardly ever acknowledged – that he had almost been one of them.  He honestly didn’t know how he made it through the months that followed; the debate on omega rights had never been hotter than it was after the shooting, but like always there had been fuck all change.

There had been a lot of change for Isak, though.

His resolve to keep up his beta pretence became stronger than ever, as had his suppressant prescription with Eli.

And now here he was a year later: up to his eyeballs in illegal suppressants and dating an alpha.  He was playing with fire and he knew it.  There was no way this thing with Even could end well.

Nothing with alphas could end well.

Isak felt like he had been catapulted back a year, all of his fears dragging him back under.  It was like whenever Isak was already struggling the universe saw fit to kick him in the teeth.

Isak’s fingers shook as he opened Even’s text, a combination of his migraine and his sudden rush of emotion.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (16.28)
hey babe I hope you’re feeling a bit better <3

Not even the kind sentiment behind Even’s message could pull Isak out of his distress.  He was spiralling and he knew it.

He was spiralling and he couldn’t fucking tell anyone because no one knew his secret.

Isak (16.42)
migraine. talk later

With that text sent, Isak shut off his phone and buried his face in his pillow.

When he realised that it was still thick with Even’s scent, the smell even more heady where he was cocooned under the duvet, something inside of him crumbled.

And Isak cried.

***

Isak didn’t turn his phone back on until Wednesday.

He went back to school, but he avoided everyone.  In shared classes he focused solely on the teacher and made sure to keep his notes meticulous, and in breaks and lunch he avoided all known hang outs.

He felt fucking raw.

The anniversary of the shooting had fucked him up more than he could have prepared for.  He couldn’t stand the thought of seeing anyone right now.

They didn’t even know how fucking lucky they were.  None of them had to hide who they were.  He knew it was wrong, but his bitterness felt mostly aimed at Jonas and Even.  Sure alphas faced discrimination too, but it was nothing compared to omegas.  Isak was pretty sure that if he so much as saw an alpha he’d completely crumble.

Playing this game was fucking killing him.

What made him feel even worse about the whole thing was the fact that he also really fucking missed Even.  Everything in his head was screaming at him that alphas were only going to screw him over, but his heart was so sure that Even would make everything feel better.

He had seen Even Monday morning, and they had had the shortest of text exchanges on Monday evening before Isak shut his phone off, and now it was Wednesday afternoon and Isak felt as if he hadn’t seen his boyfriend in a decade.

He felt like the world’s biggest idiot.

He was so torn up inside himself that he was just messing everyone else around.

It was until he turned his phone back on in the very early hours of Thursday morning – because of course Isak’s insomnia had reared its head again – that he realised Even was clearly going through something too.

The second his phone connected to the wifi Isak was hit with an onslaught of messages from Even.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (MON 16.44)
oh no that sucks :(
feel better x

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (MON 22.15)
you’re probably not going to see this but goodnight babe
hope your head feels better soon
you make me so happy

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 1.11)
I wish I could still smell you on my pillow
how can I miss you already

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 7.20)
will you be at school today? need my daily dose of Isak <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 10.25)
guess you’re still at home sick? :(
wish I could be there to make you feel better

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 12.09)
you know they say orgasms are good for headaches, maybe a REALLY big orgasm would fix your migraine? ;)

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 15.18)
not the same at school without you at my side
you’re so good for me

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 18.56)
am I sending you too many messages?
I feel like I probably am
can’t stop myself though

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 20.28)
all those marks I left on you must have faded by now
I need to fix that
mark up that gorgeous throat again so everyone knows you have an alpha adoring you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (TUES 21.58)
really hope you’re at school tomorrow babe <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (WED 8.50)
thought I saw you just now, are you back????

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (WED 11.59)
you’re not in the canteen with your friends, has something happened???

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (WED 14.27)
you are so fucking hot and cold you know that?
every time I think I know what’s going on with you, you bail
decide what you want, Isak

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (WED 18.32)
I’d fucking give you everything, but I feel like you’re barely giving me anything
you’re killing me

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (WED 23.46)
I keep checking my phone to see if you’ve replied
don’t know why I bother

Isak’s heart was in his throat by the time he got to the end of all Even’s messages.  They were all over the place, but Even was right.  Isak was holding so much back from him and he was acting hot and cold.

He must seem like a complete psychopath to Even.

He had no idea what to say, but he knew he needed to make it up to Even.  Isak was sure that beneath all of his alpha fears he could love Even.  There had been so many times where Isak had forgotten his boyfriend was an alpha and just enjoyed his company.  Why couldn’t it be like that all the time?  Why did Isak have to get so stuck up inside his own head and ruin everything?

Isak (2.46)
I’m so sorry baby
I turned my phone off while I had the migraine and then just…left it off for a while
I should have said something

Isak (3.08)
are YOU okay? I’m sorry I’ve been so absent

Isak (3.19)
I mean you’re obviously gonna be asleep right now
I don’t know why I’m still texting you
I just need you to know that I’m really really sorry about this week
there’s been some shit going on in my head and I just didn’t know how to handle it
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (3.28)
oh look you’re alive
why are you awake?

Isak (3.29)
why are YOU awake?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (3.33)
because my all over the place boyfriend won’t stop texting me at 3 in the morning

Isak (3.35)
fuck!!!!
I’m sorry!

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (3.38)
it’s good to know you’re alive at least
I was beginning to worry

Isak (3.40)
I’m really sorry Ev
I just get stuck in my head about you being an alpha and how badly this could end for me

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (3.46)
wow
glad you have faith in us
please just…stop putting me in this “alpha” box
I’m more than my exquis status
we all are
you don’t see me judging you about being a beta???

And, fuck, didn’t that make Isak feel like a Grade A dick?  It was pretty much the exact same thing his mother had said to him: to stop limiting people to their exquis genes.

It was just kind of difficult when Isak’s whole existence revolved around keeping his genes a secret.

Isak (3.53)
you’re right
I’m just a mess, Even
you deserve better. you deserve someone who has their head on straight.

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (3.55)
you don’t get to decide that for me
maybe I like someone who’s a little messy

Isak (3.58)
I don’t want to hurt you though
and I don’t want to GET hurt

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.01)
it hurts me when you shut me out and ignore me
so maybe you should think about that

Isak (4.03)
I’m so sorry…
and now I’m keeping you up late when we have school

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.05)
I’m not going to school tomorrow
sick

Isak (4.07)
oh shit! hope it isn’t too bad? :(

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.11)
I’ll manage, don’t worry
I should be back in a week

Isak (4.13)
do you need anything?

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.14)
no, one of those things you just have to wait out
don’t come over, it’s not pretty

Isak (4.17)
oh :(
so I can’t come and make you feel better?
that sucks :(

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.20)
now you know how I feel

Isak (4.20)
fair I guess
I really am sorry for messing you around
I’m trying

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.22)
it doesn’t really feel like you are
but I want us to work out
so we just have to talk about stuff, okay?

Isak (4.25)
I’ll try
I’d better get some sleep before school
I hope you feel better soon <3

The Most Beautiful Boy Isak Has Ever Seen (AKA Even) (4.27)
I’ll be fine
goodnight <3

Isak (4.27)
<3

Chapter Text

It had been a week since their text exchange, but there was still no sign of Even at school.  In fact, Isak had decided that Even’s behaviour over the last few days had been weird.

At first he thought he was imaging it, but the more he thought about it the more unlike Even it was to leave such long periods of time between texts or to be so abrupt in his messages.

Isak was struggling to really make sense of Even’s behaviour seeing as he hadn’t seen him all week; every interaction they’d had had been via their phones because Even was still sick and didn’t want Isak to see him like that.

And that was nice of him, really, but Isak missed him.  He missed being able to just lounge around with his boyfriend.  If Even had to leave to puke then Isak would deal with that, because he couldn’t deal with not seeing Even for this long.  It was partly Isak’s fault that they hadn’t seen each other for so long, so he knew he didn’t really have the right to be whining like this.

Part of Isak was tying itself up in knots – ugh, poor choice of phrase – worrying that he was becoming one of those omegas: the ones who completely fell apart if their alpha left.  He had been trying not to think of Even as an alpha after their little talk; it was difficult, but he was trying.

It wasn’t fair to pigeonhole Even when he didn’t even really act like other alphas Isak had had the misfortune to encounter.  Sure, he had a pretty commanding stare and people tended to listen when he talked but that was as far as it went.  He didn’t smell like an alpha or strut like an alpha or demand that Isak sit on his knot like an alpha.

Isak wanted to believe that he was just infatuated with Even because he was Even and he drove Isak crazy in all the best ways, not just because Isak was an omega and Even was an alpha.

At the end of the day, though, that’s what they were.  An alpha and an omega.

It gave Isak a headache to think about it.

So instead of stressing himself into an early grave, Isak had bought soup from the place Even liked and convinced them to pour it into Isak’s thermos flask for his sick boyfriend.  He’d even trudged through the bitter late November rain to Even’s house, when he could have been doing something much warmer with his Friday night.

“Ev?” Isak knocked on the door, tugging his beanie off now that he had a bit of shelter from the slushy rain.  It took almost a minute, but eventually Even did answer.

“Isak?” Even asked disbelievingly from behind his still closed front door.  And, holy shit, his voice sounded rough as hell.  It was low and gravelly and Isak was almost ashamed at the fissure of heat it sparked low in his gut to hear Even say his name in that voice.

“Yeah, it’s me.  Can I come in?” Isak was getting uncomfortable now; his wet clothes were getting warm and damp and he didn’t love it.

“I’m- I’m sick, Is, I told you I’d be back soon.”

“I know, I know, but no one should be sick and on their own!  No one’s seen you for ages!  I bought you soup from your favourite place?” Isak tried, waiting with bated breath for Even’s response.

This time, it only took a second.

Even wrenched the door open so quickly that Isak almost fell flat on his face, and he pulled Isak inside.  Immediately Isak was surrounded by strong arms and his face was squashed against Even’s neck, and instinctively he dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around Even’s waist.  He burrowed his face closer into Even’s neck, breathing in the comforting smell of-

Oh.

Oh, fuck.  Even smelt beyond good.  It was like his normal smell had been amplified a hundred times and been made ten times muskier than usual and, fuck, Isak loved it.  He pushed his face harder into Even’s skin and drank his smell in greedily.

It wasn’t until he felt Even’s throat vibrate with a groan that Isak realised he was licking all over his boyfriend’s neck.

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Isak couldn’t be redder than he was right then as he stepped back from his now spit-covered boyfriend.  His head felt a little clearer for being a bit further away from Even and he forced himself to focus on the situation at hand.  The house felt about 1000 degrees around them; Isak was almost panting and all he had done was step inside.

So, Even was sick.  And he smelt divine.  And…his house looked like a hurricane had blown through it.  It didn’t smell too fresh, either.  In fact, the more Isak concentrated on their setting rather than Even standing in front of him, it smelt like sex and sweat and come and general staleness.

“Even…?” Isak looked back at his boyfriend questioningly, but his heart was starting to stutter in his chest.  Even looked down at the floor guiltily, refusing to meet Isak’s gaze.

“Fuck!  You’re in rut?”

Suddenly Isak feeling hot all over seemed less likely to do with the weather.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect it and I didn’t know how to tell-” Even tried to apologise.

“Even!” Isak felt beyond frustrated, but he also felt so fucking hot.  Even’s house was like a fucking furnace.  Isak shed his coat grumpily.  This was such a mess.  Now Even’s all over the place text messages made sense.  His boyfriend was riding high on rut hormones.

“We haven’t- we haven’t talked about this.” Isak’s brain was getting foggy again.  He couldn’t even remember moving back over to Even, but his face was pressed back into his boyfriend’s neck sucking down that fucking delicious scent.

“Fuck, you smell so good.” Isak was almost whimpering as he plastered himself against Even’s front.  Even was only wearing his basketball shorts and Isak was finding it increasingly difficult not to lick him all over.

“Is, wait.” Even, showing more strength than he thought it possible for a teenage boy to possess, pushed Isak back.  “We haven’t talked about this.  And you’re a beta, I could hurt you.” Even ground out.

Right.

A beta.

Isak forced himself to swallow and tried to take a shallow breath in through his mouth to avoid another noseful of Even’s alpha rut scent.

“Right.” Isak nodded jerkily.  “I shouldn’t have come over.” Isak turned around to try to gather his things back up, but as soon as he bent down to pick up his bag it was apparently game over for Even.  Faster than Isak could blink, Even was covering his body with his own and licking kisses down his neck.

“Fuck, why did you have to bend down like that?” Even groaned into his neck.  Isak’s fingers slipped through the strap of his backpack and it fell back onto the floor with a thump, lying forgotten as Isak eagerly pushed back against Even.  It shouldn’t have been as hot as it was: having Even in a protective cage over him like that, but fuck if Isak’s dick didn’t start to perk up.

If he was brutally honest with himself, he’d been almost half hard since he first caught a whiff of Even’s rut-altered scent.

“I didn’t think-” Isak tried to gasp out.  It felt like all the air had been sucked right out of his lungs, but every desperate inhale just filled him more with Even’s scent and it was pushing absolutely all of Isak’s buttons.

“So good, presenting for me.” Even ground his hips against Isak’s back, pressing his hard on against the cleft of Isak’s ass while he bit down Isak’s neck and over his shoulder.  All Isak could do was nod frantically and push back against Even’s dick like he’d die if he didn’t.

It didn’t feel far from the truth.

Isak’s skin felt like it was on fire, and the more he and Even ground together the hotter he felt.

“Baby, too hot.” was all Isak managed to whine out while he reached behind himself and tried to grab hold of Even.  Any part of him.  He just needed to feel like this wasn’t some quick dirty rut-driven mania that anyone could have walked into.  He wanted to believe that Even was like this just for him.

“Isak, Isak, tell me you want this.” Even managed to stop grinding, but his hips still twitched helplessly against Isak’s ass and it was too much and not enough and Isak felt like his ribcage was going to explode from all the things he was feeling.

“Isak, I need to know.” Even groaned desperately.

And that was the moment that Isak gave in.

The moment when Even – horny out of his mind from rut – gave Isak a chance to tap out.  The moment when Even – delirious with alpha hormones – asked for Isak’s consent.

Isak had no idea that consent was such a turn on for him.

He didn’t know it yet, but that was the moment Even’s alpha status ceased to matter to Isak.

“I want it.” He nodded so fast that he was amazed he didn’t snap his neck.  “I want it, I want it, I want it so bad, Even.” He babbled.  He needed to see Even’s face, he needed to touch him, he needed-

“Fuck.” Even moaned, tugging Isak’s hips impossibly closer to his own for a few seconds before suddenly jerking away.  Before Isak could even whine out his protest, Even was turning him around and picking him up like he weighed nothing at all.  Isak locked his legs tightly around Even’s waist and – finally – met his eyes.

Even already looked wrecked; his eyes were darker than Isak had ever seen them, a red flush ran across his cheekbones and down his chest, and Isak could feel Even’s hard on tantalisingly close to his own dick.

When Even slammed Isak up against the front door, Isak thought he had died and gone to heaven.  They had made out before, fooled around a bit, but none of that was anything compared to the frantic wet kisses they exchanged against Even’s front door that night.

All Isak could do was try to keep up.

He let Even lick into his mouth and taste his tongue and kiss him like only the air from Isak’s lungs could sustain him, and he whined high in his throat when Even bit teasingly at his lips.

“Too hot.” Isak repeated into their kiss, digging his fingers into Even’s shoulder to try to get his attention.  Even broke away from him long enough to realise that Isak was wearing considerably more clothes than he was and, for a second, Isak could see the rut haze clear from his boyfriend’s gaze.

“Let’s get you out of those clothes.” Even suggested.  Isak realised right then that Even’s gravelly sex voice was going to be the death of him.  Even carried Isak to bed easily, ticking a box that Isak didn’t even know he had on his sexual checklist.  When Even playfully dropped Isak onto his mattress Isak huffed out a startled laugh, but before the last breath of laughter had left his lips Even was back on top of him.

“Wait, wait-” Isak’s hips kept twitching upwards helplessly, but Even continued to show more strength than any alpha in the history of the world and stilled his movements.

“What?” Isak was hypnotised by the way Even’s dark eyes were staring down at him, and for a second he forgot what he had been about to say.

“W-what about your parents?  Or Elise?” Isak couldn’t imagine anything worse than Even’s family walking in on this.  How the hell they had endured living with an alpha in rut was beyond him.

“They’re at my nan’s.  Didn’t want Elise around this.” He explained, and that was all Isak needed to hear before his leg spread for his boyfriend.

Even fit perfectly in the space between Isak’s splayed legs which, in his lust hazed brain, Isak felt was a sign from the universe that they were meant to be exactly where they were.

Isak felt like he was going to burst out of his skin.  His dick was so fucking hard in the hellish confinement of his skinny jeans; he was pretty sure the inside of his boxers were going to be coated with precome.

Even went back to kissing down Isak’s throat, grazing his teeth over where Isak’s mating bite would be proudly displayed if he had one as if he was contemplating sinking his teeth into the soft skin right there and then.

Isak wasn’t sure he’d object to that, which should have been terrifying.

Somehow, though, it wasn’t.

Even saved him the turmoil by deftly unbuttoning Isak’s over shirt and blowing cool air down the undershirt as it was exposed.  Through his shirt, Isak’s skin raised in goosebumps.  Even tossed Isak’s shirt over his shoulder and immediately Isak arched his back to help Even get his undershirt off as well.  When the cool air hit his boiling skin, Isak moaned with relief and Even’s eyes somehow got even darker.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” Even was kneeling between Isak’s legs, towering over him; his eyes were darting from Isak’s face to his chest to his abs back to his face and then back to his chest and then back to his face as if he couldn’t decide where he wanted to put his mouth first.

Normally Isak would balk at being called pretty, would resent such a feminine term being attached to his name, but for some reason this time it filled his entire body with warmth.

Even thought he was pretty.  Out of all the people Even could do this with, he had chosen Isak.

He couldn’t help but play it up a bit now that the idea had been planted in his head.  He arched his back a bit, practically preening under Even’s hot stare and showing off his pebbled nipples.

“Touch me.” Isak pleaded.  So far all Even had done was stare desperately at all his exposed skin and palm at his own hard cock through his shorts.  “Even, fuck, touch me.” Isak repeated desperately, his hips bucking up of their own accord.  He felt like he was going to die if Even didn’t get his hands on him in the next ten seconds.

Hearing his name seemed to snap Even out of his daze and remind him that, yes, Isak was right there in front of him for the taking.

Even dove right in.

He licked and bit and sucked all along Isak’s jaw and down his neck, and when Isak ran his palm up and down Even’s naked back to soothe his need to feel Even’s skin Even growled against his collarbone.

There were very few occasions where Isak could say he gave into his omega instincts, but at the sound of Even’s growl rumbling deep in his chest Isak exposed his throat with no hesitation.

“Fuck, Is, look at you.” Even panted, nosing at the soft exposed skin under Isak’s chin.  Isak whimpered at the gentle contact, but it turned into a startled moan when Even nicked that skin deliberately with his sharp teeth.

“Even!” Isak cried out, his fingers tangling desperately in his boyfriend’s hair.

“Shh, I’ve got you.” Even soothed the sting with a light kiss before moving down Isak’s throat.  He grazed Isak’s Adam’s apple with his teeth, which sent a shiver through Isak’s entire body, before sucking a mark into the hollow of Isak’s throat.

He was going to be bruised as fuck but he didn’t care.  When people looked at him they were going to know that Even had chosen him and taken care of him and fucked him so good and-

“Fuck!” Isak’s back arched right off the bed when Even’s mouth closed around one of his nipples.  Even laved his tongue over the tight skin and the fingers Isak had tangled in Even’s hair ended up scraping along his scalp as he grappled for purchase while the other hand ran down the expanse of Even’s back and palmed at his ass.

Even was using his lips and his teeth and his tongue and teasing Isak’s chest like they’d been having sex for years.  It felt like every single one of Isak’s nerve endings had lit up like a firework, and when Even started grinding down and rocking their clothed hard on’s together Isak’s eyes rolled back into his head.

He felt too good.  No human – sapien or exquis – should be able to feel that much pleasure, he was sure of it.  His body couldn’t even contain it; he was trembling all over, his dick was a throbbing leaking mess, he was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and he was so fucking wet and-

Wait.

Isak tried to come down from the sex haze he was in, but being surrounded by Even’s rut scent made that almost impossible.  Isak tried to focus on the sensation in his boxers that wasn’t the ache in his neglected cock, and sure enough he was soaked through.

How had Even not noticed?

He didn’t have time to freak out about what that meant, because Even chose that moment to grind down particularly hard and once again Isak was drowning in the feeling of too much but not enough.

He could feel Even everywhere; the softness of his hair, the smoothness of his skin, the contrast of sharp angles and soft sides, and the delicious hardness in his shorts that was all Isak’s.

His dick was now verging on deathly painful.

Isak was pretty sure that he’d never been this hard in his life, and his dick was getting no fucking contact because Even was too busy moving between Isak’s nipples.

He needed to fix that.

“Baby, baby, baby,” Isak’s hips jolted upwards as he chanted and Even licked a fat stripe over his nipple.

“What d’you need, angel?” Even whispered.  His breath felt so cold against Isak’s wet nipples.

“Jeans-” was all Isak got out before Even was shimmying backwards and yanking Isak’s jeans down his legs.  It only took a minor battle to get the skinny jeans completely off, but once they were gone Even’s entire focus shifted down south.  He sucked bruises into the hollows of Isak’s hips, which had Isak canting his hips up desperately.

“Kiss me.” Isak gasped out, tugging on Even’s hair.  Even looked up at him from under his lashes and Isak almost came on the spot at the sight of Even knelt between his legs just a breath away from his aching dick.  Even surged upwards and their lips crashed together.  It was messy and uncoordinated and sloppy and probably wetter than any kiss Isak had ever had, but – fuck – it felt so good.

How would Isak have ever doubted that they belonged together?

Isak wrapped his legs around Even’s hips and rocked his hips up, dying for some contact against his leaking cock.  Even seemed to have got with the agenda now that there was only his basketball shorts and Isak’s boxers in the way of their skin on skin contact, and Isak stopped breathing completely when Even pulled away from their kiss and peeled Isak’s boxers down his thighs with his teeth.

Even looked up at Isak with a gaze that could only be described as predatory.  Not the look Isak was sure he wanted to see when Even was between his legs near all his important parts.  Isak had his feet planted against the mattress and started to close his legs, self conscious of the slick he could feel between his cheeks.

“You’re soaking, baby.” Even growled, placing his hands on Isak’s bent knees and opening his legs back up.  “We’re going to talk about this later.” Even said seriously and Isak’s heart tripped over itself nervously.  What would Even think about him being soaked with slick?  Would he realise Isak was an omega or would he wonder if he was some messed up beta?

He didn’t have long to think about it, though, because a second later Even started licking up all the slick leaking out of him and Isak forgot every thought he had ever had.

He wasn’t even sure he knew his own name any more; his whole existence had narrowed down to Even’s tongue – somehow rough and smooth at the same time – licking over his soaked hole and moaning like he was drinking the most amazing thing in the world rather than just Isak’s natural lubricant.

He couldn’t help it.  He had to touch himself.  He swiped his fingers over his hole lightly to gather up some slick and finally – fucking finally – he wrapped his wet hand around his dick.  He tried to pace his hand in time with Even’s licks, palming at the sensitive head when Even probed his tongue inside him, but his brain wasn’t clear enough to do more than desperately rub his hand up and down to try to relieve some of the pressure that felt like it had been burning inside of him forever.

Everything sounded so fucking wet.  The noises of Even messily eating him out and his own hand – wet with slick and precome – frantically moving over his cock were turning him on almost as much as the actual acts they were performing.

Even pushed his face harder against Isak’s ass, his nose pushing exquisitely against Isak’s balls in a way that had him locking his legs around Even’s head to keep him where he was.  He used his ankles – hooked together at the back of Even’s head – as leverage to ride his boyfriend’s face desperately.

Isak felt like he had been hard forever, and Even’s tongue felt so fucking good as it slipped past his rim and licked wetly at his insides and fuck when Even started growling Isak felt the vibrations run up his inner walls and yet again Isak was trapped with the helpless feeling of too much but nowhere near enough.

“More, Ev, fuck, more.” Isak had apparently been reduced to monosyllabic communication, but blessedly Even understood.  As if they’d planned it beforehand, Even put his hands on Isak’s hips just as Isak rolled over onto his stomach and one quick tug of Even’s hands had Isak’s hips in the air presenting his ass to Even.

The need to make it good for Even was all Isak could think of.  He felt like his blood had been on fire since they started; he needed to know that Even was falling apart just as much as he was.  So Isak did the only thing he could think of.

He pressed his face to the mattress and bowed his back as deeply as he could.  If the aborted thrust of Even’s hips against his ass was anything to go by, it had the desired effect.

“You ready?” Even breathed hotly against Isak’s neck, palming at Isak’s ass.

“Fuck, Even, just get inside me already.” Isak whined, his own hips jerking forwards helplessly to try to get some friction against his dick.

And then it was happening.

Isak wasn’t sure if it was normal for an omega to be as sopping wet as he was as he felt Even move behind him and position himself between his splayed open thighs; he could feel slick trickling down his balls and the insides of his thighs and-

“Fuck.” Isak moaned into the mattress, unsure whether he wanted to push back or pull away from Even’s dick as it pushed inside him.

“Fuck, Isak.” Even groaned as his hips pressed flush against Isak’s ass, burying himself deep inside.  Isak had his face pressed into the duvet, hiding the way his mouth had fallen open in a silent moan.  He could see one of Even’s hands near his face; it was already clenching onto a handful of duvet even though they had barely gotten started.

“Move.” Isak choked out when – after almost thirty seconds of being filled in the most amazing way – Even still hadn’t done anything other than suck at Isak’s neck.  “I’m ready, just- fuck, fucking move.” Isak begged.  It wasn’t until Isak took matters into his own hands and started pushing back against Even’s dick that Even snapped out of his daze.

“Shit, you look so fucking good, baby.  Look at you.” Even groaned appreciatively, watching the way Isak desperately tried to fuck himself back on his cock.  Isak almost cried when he felt Even stretch up and rest his hands on the headboard instead of being caged so closely over Isak’s exposed back.  He missed the damp heat of Even’s skin being so close to his own, but when Even gripped the metal bars and starting rocking his hips Isak got over it pretty fast.

Even being inside of him was like nothing he had ever felt.  Isak wasn’t a novice; he had fingered himself plenty and he had a few favoured toys that got him through the long lonely winters, hell he’d even hooked up with a few guys.

But nothing came close to how fucking good Even felt inside him.  He was hotter than anything Isak could remember; hard and thick and throbbing and fucking perfect.  His thrusts started slow and even – clearly testing if Isak really was ready – and Isak swore his brain was melting at the feeling.  His whole body was trembling, to the extent where his knees slid slightly against the duvet and spread his legs even further apart which let Even’s cock push impossibly deeper.

Isak was pretty sure nothing had ever touched him so deeply and it was driving him crazy.  He could feel his mouth moving, was aware of the vibrations in his throat, but his words were lost into the duvet.

“Listen to you moaning for it.” Even dropped a hand from the bedpost and ran the palm down the line of Isak’s bowed spine, keeping his thrusts too calm for Isak’s liking.  Even was in rut, for fuck’s sake; Isak thought that guaranteed him some hot and hard fucking.

“So fucking give it to me, alpha.” Isak turned his head and tried to look up at Even, but all he could really see was the way Even’s jaw was clenched and the taught muscles of his arms.

Isak calling him alpha seemed to snap Even’s resolve, and Isak actually sobbed in relief when Even moved his hips faster and fucked into him with more force.  It wasn’t enough, Isak wasn’t sure it would ever be enough, so he pushed back desperately to meet Even’s frantic thrusts.

“Fuck, baby.” Even’s weight suddenly dropped back against Isak’s spine and Isak keened at the feeling of his boyfriend pressed so close to him.  “You’re so fucking wet for me.  Perfect, baby, so fucking perfect.” Even was thrusting frantically inside of him, and with Even’s change in position Isak couldn’t feel a second part of him that wasn’t being touched by some part of Even.

It felt miraculous.

It felt holy.

Even though he was surrounded in the most amazing scent in the world and his brain had been melted with lust, Isak could see more clearly than ever before.

Nothing else mattered.

Not the world beyond their bed, not their statuses, not anything.  All that mattered was Even and Isak; they were together and pushing each other higher and higher.  There was nothing but love and pleasure coursing between them, and how could that possibly be wrong?

“Ev- Ev, fuck, so good.” Isak pushed his face into the pillow just as Even slammed all the way inside him and started grinding his hips against Isak’s ass, successfully grinding the head of his dick against Isak’s prostate and making him scream into the pillow.

Isak was pretty sure he’d never been fucked so good.  He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Even was going to ruin him for anyone else.

Even was plastered against his back, stopping Isak from floating off in pleasure, driving his hips ruthlessly against Isak’s ass.

“You were fucking made for me, weren’t you?” Even groaned into his neck before sinking his teeth into the delicate flesh and making Isak moan.  His hips were thrusting erratically against the mattress to get some friction against his throbbing dick, and all the different sensations against his body were pushing him dangerously quickly towards the edge.

“Baby, baby, close- I’m- I’m- oh!” Isak’s brain couldn’t think of the words to tell Even that he was about to fucking combust from how good he felt, but Even understood.

Of course he did.

“Wanna see you when you come.” Was all Even said before he pulled out – pulling a choked sob from Isak as he did – and flipped Isak onto his back.

“You’re a fucking masterpiece.” Even breathed, his eyes skittering desperately from Isak’s face to where his cock was hard and leaking against his stomach.  Even reached down and lightly grazed his knuckles along the underside of Isak’s dick and Isak’s eyes rolled back in his head.

It was too much.  It was all too good; he was sure he was going to die.

When Isak came back to his body it was to the feeling of Even pushing his legs up to his chest and Isak barely had time to suck in a desperate lungful of air before Even was shoving back inside of him.

The squelch of slick echoed around Isak’s brain, reminding him that he was made to take Even like this.

“Fuck, m’not gonna last.” Even moaned, his face pressed against Isak’s throat.  “You’re so fucking tight, baby.” Even bit into Isak’s throat and Isak’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp.  The head of his cock was going a painful purple and it was obvious to both of them that Isak wasn’t going to last long either.

So Even upped the ante.

Isak didn’t have to ask for Even to fuck him harder, because Even seemed to just know what Isak needed to finally get there.  Isak was being pushed up the bed with the force Even was ramming into him, and it was fucking delicious.  Even was stabbing right into his prostate on almost every push and Isak couldn’t do anything but dig his nails into Even’s back and hang on while his boyfriend fucked him into the mattress.

Isak had no control over his voice; he could vaguely hear himself moaning and swearing and panting Even’s name, but the roar of his blood in his ears was drowning almost everything out.

He needed to come.  Fuck, he needed to come more than anything else in the world.  He needed it more than he needed his next breath.

“I’ve got you, baby.” Even whispered into Isak’s ear and Isak’s dick pulsed out more precome at the sound of Even’s sex-roughened voice so close to his ear.  Seconds later he felt Even’s fingers where they were joined and his hips jolted down instinctively, trying to get to Even’s fingers, making Even groan loudly.

Isak was in no way prepared for Even’s wet fingers – soaked with his own slick from where he was taking Even – to fist his dick tightly and jack him off quick and dirty and no way in time with the frantic way Even was fucking into him.

Isak came loudly, messily, and amazingly underneath his boyfriend.

Rope after rope of come shot out of him, and Even kept fucking into him and jacking him through it while Isak moaned like something straight out of porno.  He couldn’t help it; he felt like every nerve inside of him had suddenly seen nirvana and there was too much pleasure for his body to even comprehend.

His orgasm felt like it lasted eons, and when Isak started to come back down from where Even had catapulted him into heaven he realised that Even was still rock hard and fucking inside of him.

“Come on, baby,” Isak moaned, his legs shaking where they were trapped between their torsos.  “Fuck me like you want to.” Isak tried to clench around Even’s dick but his body felt too soft and pliant to do anything like that after his orgasm.

Even didn’t seem to mind though.  He stretched up and held onto the bedpost, using the leverage to fuck into Isak at a brutal pace that had Isak sobbing for breath.  He felt so fucking sensitive and raw, but he was determined that Even was going to finish inside of him.

Even was staring down at Isak with wide eyes, looking as if he couldn’t believe he had Isak like this underneath him.  It was clear to Isak from the wild look in Even’s eyes that he really needed to come, so he did the only thing he could think of.

He reached down between them and rubbed at Even’s dick where it was disappearing inside of him, and that extra little bit of stimulation was all it took for Even to fly over the edge.

Isak shook violently at the feeling of Even’s come spurting inside of him, unable to do anything more than moan brokenly as his boyfriend filled him up.  It didn’t surprise him when he felt Even pop a knot, but it was still a shock to his system to feel Even’s multiple orgasms filling him up again and again as Even shallowly thrust into him.

It was filthy, but Isak was pretty sure that he loved the feeling of being so filled by Even that he was fucking leaking Even’s come before Even had even pulled out.  He was a mess of slick and come and precome and sweat, and he fucking loved it.

When Even was finally done he let go of the bedpost and slumped on top of Isak, completely deadweight, but Isak didn’t mind.  He had never felt closer to anyone than he did to Even right then, and it wasn’t just because they were knotted together.

“You’re fucking amazing.” Even moaned into his neck, and Isak nodded in a daze.  All he could do was reach between them and rub at where Even had knotted them together, wanting to remember everything about this feeling.  When Even whined in discomfort, though, Isak took his fingers away and rubbed Even’s back soothingly.

Isak felt like his world had simultaneously been rocked off its axis and that everything had fallen right into place.  When Even fell asleep, still on top of him, Isak felt like he finally knew where he was meant to be in the universe.

For the first time in weeks, Isak slept soundly.

Chapter Text

When Even woke up on Saturday morning he felt better than he had all week.  His head finally felt clear, and for the first time in a week he had woken up blessedly soft.

He was aware that his bed was filthy, but his disgust at his own bodily fluids was outweighed by the sweet relief of his rut being over.  The only enjoyable smell permeating his room was the sweet notes of Isak’s slick-

Isak.

Isak.

Even sat bolt upright in bed.  He didn’t need to look to know that he was alone, and that side of the bed was cold enough that it was obvious Isak had fled hours ago.  Something in Even deflated at that; they had fallen asleep so intimately connected, but he had woken up alone.

But fuck if he didn’t have a lot to think about.

He had been sure Isak wanted it – he’d been so sure to get it out of Isak verbally before he did something he couldn’t take back – but Isak’s vanishing act suggested that something was wrong.

Maybe something like, oh, Isak producing slick.

It was like it was trapped in Even’s olfactory sense; the smell and the taste of Isak’s slick were still so potent that it was making him lightheaded.  It was actually distracting Even from rationally thinking out the events of the night before and making his dick stir with interest, so grudgingly Even went and opened his window to air the room out.

As much as he was sad to lose Isak’s sweet scent, the smell of stale sweat and come was considerably less pleasant and it needed to go ASAP.

He decided to work as he thought rather than fester in his room like he’d done for most of the week.  He got up and immediately stripped his sheets, resisting the urge to bury his face in the stains of Isak’s slick like a creep, marching determinedly to the washing machine downstairs and starting the load.

Isak had been so wet.  Even couldn’t get over it; his brain was just stuck on that one detail.  He couldn’t even bring himself to think about what it meant yet.

He went back up to his room and piled all of his dirty clothes for a wash and put all his come stained tissues in the bin before spraying his mattress with fabric cleaner and breaking out the airfreshner for the rest of the room.  When he was satisfied that his room was as recovered as he was going to get it he went for a shower, desperate to clean all the grime from his skin.

It was only once he had cleaned himself everywhere at least twice that his brain started to wake up properly.

Isak was an omega.

No wonder he kept going back and forth about Even being an alpha.  As much as it pained him to admit it, omegas had every right to be doubtful of alphas.  Especially male omegas, rare as they were.

Even felt like an idiot for not realising it sooner.  But why was Isak keeping it secret at all?  Was he just keeping it secret from Even, or was Isak’s beta pretence something he fed the whole world?  Even knew omega rights were nowhere near as advanced as people would like them to be, but surely they weren’t so bad that Isak would rather lie to the world than be who he was?

The only thing Even knew for sure was that he needed to find his boy and they needed to have a long talk.

***

Thankfully it didn’t take Even too long to put his house back in order after a six day rut, but there was nothing he could do about the burning embarrassment he felt about fucking up his meds and landing himself in a rut out of nowhere.

He was pretty sure the look on his mother’s face when he told her that he was going into rut was going to be scarred into his brain for the rest of his life.  He was lucky that his nan lived so close that everyone could stay with her at such short notice, because there was no way in hell his family wanted to be around him when he was in rut.

And Even definitely didn’t want them there when he was out of his mind with hormones.

He almost felt hungover now that it was over.  He was pretty sure that he was out of semen for at least a year after all the jerking off he’d had to do.

It was almost 18.00 by the time Even had the whole house aired out and tidied and no longer smelling of alpha hormones or omega slick and he could finally text his dad to let them know that it was safe to come home.  There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that his mother was going to give him the “don’t fuck up your medication schedule” talk as soon as physically possible and he was already bracing himself for it.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a rut.  It had been at least two years, before the doctor put him on whatever drug he was on now.  He had forgotten how exhausting it was; the constant hard on and the numerous knots popped and the desperate need for someone to bury his dick inside of.

Honestly, it felt like a fever dream that he had fucked Isak.  It had – unequivocally – been the best sex Even had ever had, which just made his heart hurt even more that Isak had run out in the middle of the night on him.

He didn’t have to wait long to find Isak.  It was nearly 19.30 and Even’s family was en route home when his phone buzzed on the counter.  He took his eyes off the stove – expecting to see a travel update from his mum – but when he saw Magnus’ name of all people’s across the top of the notification he grabbed his phone quickly.

Magnus (19.24)
hey Even it’s Magnus, Isak’s friend?
don’t think he’s in a good place right now, you should probably go find him

Even (19.25)
what do you mean????? is he with you????

Magnus (19.27)
we pre-gamed at his but he got really wasted really fast
we left him with Eskild but I thought you should know

Even (19.27)
on my way
thanks Mags

Even barely remembered to turn the stove off and move the pan before he was grabbing his jacket and shoving some shoes on.  He shot out of the door like a bat out of hell to get the first tram he could, and miraculously made the 19.30 by the skin of his teeth.

He shot his mum a quick text to say that there had been an emergency with Isak and he wouldn’t be home when they got back but he’d be back as soon as he could (he wasn’t going to push it after he had forced them all to move in with nan for a week) while he caught his breath on the tram.  He probably looked like a complete madman to the other passengers but Even couldn’t find it in him to give a shit.

He had to get to his boy.

Nothing else mattered.

***

By the time Even got to the kollektiv it was gone 20.00 and he felt like his lungs were going to explode from running to the flat from the tram stop.  He sucked in a few ragged breaths before letting himself inside and taking the steps two or three at a time to get to the right door.

He checked the door number twice before he began hammering his fist against the wood, desperate to see Isak now that he was so close.  It took an agonizing minute and a half for someone to yank the door open, but it took Even mere milliseconds to see that it wasn’t Isak and barge past them.

“Isak?” He called, not even stopping to take his shoes off in his rush.

“Hang on, string-bean.” Even was stopped in his tracks by Eskild and he had to try very hard not to shove past him.

“Where’s Isak?” He asked instead, using his words like the grown up he was.

“He’s in the bathroom.  But I’m not going to let you anywhere near him until I know what happened.” Eskild replied coolly.

Oh Christ, Even thought in defeat, I’m going to have to convince a pixie that I’m good enough for their charge.

“He came over unannounced while I was in rut.  He said he wanted it, but when I woke up he was gone.  And…I found out something about him that he’d been hiding.  I just want to make sure he’s okay.” Even didn’t want to out Isak to Eskild, having no idea what Eskild knew, but he wasn’t going to lie either.

He knew better than to lie to a protective pixie.

“He came bursting through the front door at a very un-Isak time of the morning looking like he’d cried his little heart out.  If you hurt him-”

“I would never intentionally hurt him!  I just need to talk to him, Eskild.  We both want the same thing: for Isak to be okay.  Please, just let me see him.” Even shifted his weight from one foot to the other anxiously while Eskild sized him up.

“Okay.  He’ll probably need to sober up before you do any talking.” Eskild warned him before stepping out of the way and letting Even through.

“Thank you!” Even rushed down to the bathroom door and opened it quickly, desperate to see Isak with his own eyes.

“Baby?” Isak was sat on the floor with his back resting against the side of the tub, but the thing that hit Even first was the overwhelming smell of vodka radiating off his boyfriend.

“Oh, hell, how much did you drink, Is?” Even’s heart sunk.

“Not enough.” Isak sniffed, wiping his sleeve across his eyes roughly.

“We need to talk.” Even said gently as he knelt next to Isak.  When he saw the way Isak’s lip trembled he just wanted to pull his boyfriend into a hug and kiss it all away.

But this wasn’t a movie, or a trashy romance novel, and in real life people needed to talk.

“I know.” Isak sounded like he was trying his best not to cry and it shattered Even’s heart.

“Let’s go outside for some fresh air.” Even suggested.  Isak nodded, and luckily Isak wasn’t too drunk to put his own coat and hat on.

They didn’t walk far – mostly because Even was worried about Eskild raining hell upon him if he took Isak too far – but the late November chill seemed to sober Isak up a bit.  After a few minutes they found a bench in a quiet area and Isak slumped down on it, making the decision for both of them.

Even sat next to him, unsure if he was allowed to touch Isak, and for a few minutes they just looked up at the vast expanse of stars above them.

“Is…” Even had no fucking idea what to say, but he had to say something.

“Do you know why we’re called homo-exquis?” Isak asked thickly, taking Even totally by surprise.

“Uh- it was something to do with the second world war, right?” Even’s mind was frantically reaching back to his history lessons, but honestly history had never been his favourite subject.  He much preferred thinking about the future.

“When the Nazis were doing human experimentation.” Isak nodded.  “Mengele discovered people with these extras.  He pushed them all to their limits and then he’d pull them apart, and he told everyone that those people were exquisite.  And that’s how we got our fucking categorisation: because some monster pulled us apart.” Isak’s voice was so thick by the end that Even knew he was going to start crying, but he had no idea what to say to that.

“In another universe, we’re probably human.” Isak dropped his head against the back of the bench and looked up at the sky again, tears rolling freely down his cheeks.  “And things are probably so much fucking easier.” Isak whispered, closing his eyes and spilling more tears.

That was the breaking point for Even.  He scooted right over into Isak’s space and cupped Isak’s face with his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears away.  Isak inhaled sharply and pressed his lips together, keeping his eyes firmly shut.

“We don’t need that universe.” Even disagreed fiercely.  “We’re Even and Isak; an alpha and an omega, and we can create a universe all of our own with just the two of us.” At Even’s use of the word omega Isak let out a sob.

“Look at me, Isak, please…” Even kept stroking his thumbs over Isak’s cheeks, desperate to see his baby’s eyes.  “I don’t care that you’re an omega, Isak.  I just care about why you lied about it.  I didn’t fall for you because of your status; I fell for you because of you.” Even’s heart tripped over itself in his chest at the fact he’d let slip just how deep he was in feelings for Isak, but he wasn’t going to take it back when he meant every word of it.

When Isak opened his eyes Even felt relief greater than anything else.

“I can see my whole universe in just those eyes.” Even whispered, resting his forehead against Isak’s and brushing the cold tips of their noses together.  Isak’s eyes closed again at his words, but this time Even could feel Isak’s tears damp against his own skin.

“It’s easy for you to say; you’re an alpha.  I’m an omega.” Isak’s breath stuttered, and from the way Isak trembled Even was starting to realise that this was the first time Isak had said anything like this aloud.

“A male omega.  Did you know male omegas have some of the highest suicide stats in the world?  Or that omegas in general are some of the most targeted in hom-ex hate crimes?” Isak’s voice shook so hard and Even wished more than anything that he could fix everything that was wrong with the world.

“Did you know that when I presented, I cried for two whole days.” Isak whispered, finally opening his eyes again so he could look at Even.  “Because I knew that my life was never going to be considered as worthy as a beta’s, or an alpha’s, or literally anyone else.  Because I knew that the world saw omegas as a joke.” The tears were rushing freely down Isak’s cheeks and it was tearing at something vital inside of him to see Isak so distraught.

“I’ve been telling everyone I was a beta since I was 14.” Isak was shaking so hard that Even was starting to worry.

“Because it was easier than being an omega?” Even’s heart clenched with sympathy.  He knew a little something about not wanting the world to pigeonhole him, but it was nowhere near as extreme as Isak’s three year façade.  He couldn’t even imagine the toll that that had taken on Isak’s sense of identity.

“So much easier.” Isak wrapped his arms around himself tightly as if he could protect himself from all of this pain.

“How...” Even trailed off, suddenly doubting whether that was an appropriate question to ask.

“How did I do it?” Isak sniffed, wiping his sleeve across his nose.  “Really strong birth control.  That’s why I don’t really have a scent.” Isak looked away as he said it, but Even could almost see the weight lift from Isak’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry you felt like you had to go to such an extreme.” Even said quietly, because what else could he say to Isak’s story?

That was all it took for Isak to completely crumble.

Isak lurched forwards, his head practically between his knees, and sobbed.  The sound was so raw, was full of such genuine pain, that it made the hairs on the back of Even’s neck stand up.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” Even slid off the bench and sunk to his knees in front of Isak, gathering him up in a hug before he could slide off the bench.  “I’m right here, baby; I’m not going anywhere.  I’ve got you.” Even kept whispering the same things over and over against Isak’s temple, pressing kisses to any patch of skin he could reach.

“It’s been so hard.” Isak sobbed into his shoulder, bunching the back of Even’s coat in two tight fists as if he was scared Even was going to float away.

“You don’t have to do it alone, Isak.  Not any more.  I’m staying right here.”

Chapter Text

In true Isak fashion, he ruined the tender moment.

Turns out that violently sobbing after necking most of a bottle of shitty vodka resulted in puking.  Thankfully he managed to lurch away from Even and direct the contents of his stomach to the bush behind the bench, but he felt that the moment was well and truly over by the time he’d got it all out.

It was almost like confessing his most closely guarded secret of over three years was having some physical side effects, who’d have thought?  Sure as hell not Isak, seeing as he had never intended to tell anyone.  He hadn’t even planned to tell Even; his stupid body gave him away.

What a mess.

“We should get you home.” Even pushed himself off the floor and back onto the bench next to Isak, passing him a tissue to wipe his mouth with and solidifying his place as Isak’s best person.

“Will- will you stay?” Isak hiccupped.  He couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the crying, but his diaphragm refused to move normally.

“Like I could leave you.” Even’s reply was so quiet that Isak wasn’t 100% sure he’d heard it, but he wanted to believe it.  Even had been nothing but good to him, and he kept up his good guy streak by helping Isak heave himself off the bench and walk back to the kollektiv.

“I’m tired, Ev.” Isak mumbled as they made their slow ascent up the stairs to the flat.

“I bet you are.” Even squeezed his hip sympathetically before pushing him gently through the unlocked front door.  Had they left the door unlocked???  Eskild was going to kill him.  Isak felt his lip wobble at the thought of Eskild being mad at him, but before he could dwell on it Even was ushering him through to the bathroom.

“Brush your teeth, babe, you’ll feel better for it.  Then we can go to bed.” Even dropped a kiss to the top of Isak’s head and comfort spread through Isak from their point of contact.  He felt so detached from his body after the events of the last 48 hours, but Even’s small kiss helped ground him for just a moment.

It was a start.

Even left him alone to clean up and Isak managed to brush his teeth without making himself sick, and he even gave his face a wash to scrub away the remnants of his tears and the general grime out the outdoors.  He still felt raw and messy inside, but at least he no longer looked like the sloppy mess that he was.

He felt better for throwing up, but the world was still spinning unpleasantly around him as he went through to his room.  When he got there Even was already nice and comfy in his bed, and Isak didn’t feel the slightest bit of surprise.

His bed was the most natural place for Even to be.

“Better?” Even looked up from his phone when Isak walked in and Isak nodded weakly.  He could feel his blood pressure rising as he got changed for bed but he didn’t want to think about it.  He didn’t want to think about how Even now knew something about him that had previously only been a secret between Isak and his suppressant supplier.

Even was going to look at him differently now, he just knew it.

“Come here; you must be freezing.” Even lifted the corner of the duvet to let Isak in once he was in his bed clothes and Isak crawled in gratefully.  Even pulled the duvet tight around them and – between that and the closed bedroom door – it was like they were safe and sound in their own private corner of the universe.

“How do you feel?” Even asked tentatively after a few blissful minutes of lying wrapped up in each other.

“Still kinda drunk.” Isak muttered into Even’s chest, where he had his eyes tightly shut from the evil spinning world.

“Too drunk to talk?” Even was running his fingers slowly through Isak’s hair, but everything else about him was screaming serious.  For a second Isak considered lying – a gut instinct at this point – but he quickly dismissed the idea.  They were going to have to have this talk sooner or later and it was probably preferable for Isak to have at least some liquor in his system when it happened.

“No.  I can talk.” Isak sighed.  “Keeping my eyes shut though.” He added.  Even didn’t say anything after that, but Isak got the feeling that his boyfriend was trying to sort through everything in his head.  Silence suited Isak, but just knowing that they were about to have an honest conversation about something Isak had lied about for so long made him feel a little bit sick.

Maybe being a little bit drunk for this talk had been a bad idea.

“Is this going to change things between us?” Isak finally broke the silence, voicing his main issue on the matter.

“I don’t think so.” Isak could feel Even shaking his head.  “You’re still Isak.  I just need to get used to thinking of you as an omega rather than a beta; that’s about it.” Even shrugged.

“Are- are you going to tell anyone?” Isak’s breath hitched anxiously and his heart rate went up exponentially even though he was like 85% sure that Even would never rat him out.

“Baby, it’s no one’s place but your own to out you.  You come out when you’re ready.  As long as you’re not hurting yourself, I can keep your secret.” Even promised, pressing a kiss to Isak’s temple that once again had a feeling of calm spread through him.

“Thank you.” He whispered, burying his face into the soft fabric of Even’s shirt.

Maybe this could all be okay?

“Anything else you want to spring on me?” Even joked, but Isak’s stomach clenched guiltily as he thought about the suppressants hidden right beneath them.

“No.  Being an omega is about as shocking as it gets in my life.” Isak whispered, shifting his head to nuzzle against Even’s scent gland.

“Okay.  Get some sleep, angel.” Even sighed contentedly against Isak’s curls, hugging him closer.

Sleep definitely sounded good.  Isak was just about to drift off with his face mashed against Even’s neck when he felt Even start beneath him.

“Wait!  Did I hurt you on Friday?” He asked frantically, shaking Isak’s shoulder.

“What?  No.” Isak could feel his face heating up about 1000 degrees and he tried to keep it hidden against the crook of Even’s neck.

“Are you sure?  I never wanted our first time to be- for it to be because of my rut.  I wanted to do something special…” Even trailed off and Isak – as half asleep as his liquor soaked brain already was – realised that Even was genuinely disappointed.

“We can still do something special.” Isak lifted himself up a little bit so he could look at Even’s face.  “But I don’t think it was a bad first.  It was actually probably the best sex I’ve ever had.” Isak admitted, feeling his face flush again.

“I’m glad it was good for you.” Even’s eyes kept flitting around and it was making Isak nervous.

“Was it not good for you?” Self-consciousness flooded him in record time.

“I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard in my life, Is.  It was beyond good for me.  I just- it was my first rut in years and I kind of feel like I ruined our first time because it could just be reduced to rut hormones.” Even almost looked…ashamed?  Isak couldn’t stand it.

“Would you have slept with me anyway, eventually?” Isak could only thank the alcohol for overcoming his awkwardness to help his boyfriend out so bluntly.

“Well, yeah, of course?” Even was giving him the weirdest look.

“So your rut just sped up something that was going to happen eventually anyway.  We were both consenting adults and no one got hurt, and we both had fucking great orgasms.  So no, it might not have been the most romantic thing in the world but life isn’t always romantic.  Next time we’ll make it romantic, if that’s what you want.” Isak promised, smiling when he saw the start of a smile pulling at Even’s lips.

“Next time.” He repeated.

“Next time.” Isak nodded, patting Even’s chest reassuringly before laying himself back down.  “It’s not going to be for a while though.  I think I need some recovery time.” Isak admitted.  As much as Even had turned his world inside out and upside down on Friday, Isak wasn’t ready to do it again so soon.

He needed time to get used to their new dynamics, he thought.

“Take as much time as you need, angel.” Even kissed his curls again and Isak nestled himself close to his boyfriend.

After all, winter was the time to snuggle close for warmth.

***

After that night things really did continue as normal.  Sure, Even scented him more than before and became a bit more tactile, but Isak soaked up that affection like the touch starved sponge he was.

They went to school, they hung out together as well as with their respective friends, they went to the odd party, and before Isak knew it they were two weeks into December and Christmas was well and truly everywhere.

Not that Isak had really been able to appreciate it what with all the work he was drowning under, but hey he knew it was there.  It wasn’t until the boys ratted to Even that Isak was being a real Scrooge this year that Even insisted they did something Christmassy together.

It wasn’t even true!  Isak had plenty of Christmas spirit!  True, he had blown off decorating the kollektiv with Eskild and Noora because he had been revising for an exam, and he wasn’t buying many gifts this year because he needed to save money (that wasn’t his fault though, dammit, none of his friends had to worry about rent like he did!), and he found carollers irrationally annoying, but none of that meant that he hated Christmas!

He just had other shit to do!

But a cosy Christmassy date with Even did sound good.  His house had a really nice fireplace and Isak could just picture snuggling up under a blanket with some of Even’s mind blowing hot chocolate and nowhere to go and nothing to do for the whole day.  They hadn’t had a proper date for a while, always opting for the lazy stay home and chill together option around the other commitments in their lives, so it probably was time that they had another.

When Isak shared his idea of a nice cosy day together Even had immediately shaken his head and suggested something else.  Something outside, because apparently Isak spent way too much time under a blanket for a 17 year old.

So that was how Isak found himself at jul i vinterland on a cold and snowy December morning with his very excitable boyfriend.  You’d think that Even had never seen a Christmas market before.

Isak did have to admit that it looked beautiful, though.  It was around noon and snow was crisp over everything, not yet at the annoying sludge stage, and the gloom of winter was being kept at bay solely by twinkling fairy lights it felt like.  The perfectionist in Isak was delighted by the symmetry of the stalls; each little shed was decorated the same and they were perfectly spaced throughout the space.

“Wow.” Was all Isak could say as he and Even walked underneath the wooden arch framing the entryway, their mitten-clad hands clasped together between them.

“It’s already been here for like a month; how have you not been yet?” Even laughed, his breath making a cloud of smoke in the cold air.

“Not all of us have small children to entertain!” Isak replied defensively.  He was getting a little sick of people telling him he was being a Grinch this year.

“I took Elise last weekend.” Even acknowledged.  “She loved it.  She wanted to go on the ferriswheel right away.”

“I can’t believe how much of a daredevil your sister is.” Isak shook his head.  All of the stories Even seemed to tell him about Elise involved her wanting to do dangerous shit that no small child had business doing.  “She must be going wild about Christmas by now?” Isak realised.

“By now?” Even repeated.  “She’s been excited about Christmas since the last couple of weeks in November.  There isn’t a conversation we have with her now that doesn’t involve some mention of Santa, the tree, or the presents.  They’ve been singing songs with her at nursery and she comes home singing the same carols every day.” Even hardly took a breath and Isak couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wow, I didn’t realise how intense it was to have a little sister.” He pushed at Even playfully, but Even flung himself away dramatically, making a surprised laugh burst from Isak.

“It’s very intense when Christmas is involved!” He agreed.  “I’m lucky to still be sane, listening to those bloody songs every day!” Even exclaimed, catching the attention of a few passersby.

“I’ll have to make the most of this time with you before you brain melts then.” Isak grinned, reaching out for Even and pulling him back where he belonged.

“You will.” Even nodded, his voice going quiet as he pressed his forehead to Isak’s.

“What should we do first?” Isak whispered as Even brushed their cold noses together.

“Let’s just take a look around the stalls?” Even suggested and Isak nodded.

“I want to see where that smell is coming from.” Isak skimmed the briefest of kisses against Even’s lips before moving away and looking around at all the stalls.  They took their time moseying through the market, just enjoying the festive atmosphere more than anything else.

It turned out that a lot of the stalls were selling different types of food, but when they came across one selling burgers Isak knew what he was having for lunch.  They both got a burger and some chips and found somewhere to sit with them, settling down for some people watching while they ate.

“So what did you do with Elise when you brought her?” Isak asked as he licked some sauce off his hand where it had dripped from his burger.

“Mmm, there was a meet Santa thing but she got scared of the guy doing it so we didn’t do that.  Obviously the ferriswheel.  Uh…oh, we decorated some gingerbread!  She wasn’t half bad.”

“Another artist, your parents will be so disappointed.” Isak winked, making Even roll his eyes.

“Haha, very funny.” Even flicked Isak’s cheek playfully, but the cold of his now mitten-free fingers made Isak jump.  “I wanted to do the make a decoration thing but Ellie wouldn’t sit still after making the gingerbread, so we ended up ice skating.  She kept pretending to be Elsa.”

“Wow.” Was all Isak could say to that.

“Let it gooooooo.” Even sang in the worst English accent Isak had ever heard.  Isak almost choked on his chips from laughing.

“You are so ridiculous!” He snorted, throwing a chip at Even.  Even’s attention, however, was elsewhere.  “Ev?” Isak raised an eyebrow and followed his boyfriend’s gaze.  He found the source of Even’s distraction quickly: a man was proposing to his girlfriend a few feet away in front of the big Christmas tree.

They were too far away to hear anything, but Isak could see the looks on both of their faces.  The guy looked – understandably – terrified, but the girl looked like all of her Christmases had come at once.  It quickly became clear that the girl was Fae, because as her now-fiancé slid the ring onto her finger her skin glowed brighter than anything else in the market.

“Christ.” Isak muttered as he averted his gaze.  “If they could bottle up that happy-Fae glow we’d never need electric lights again.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Even grinned over at him.  “They literally light up with happiness.”

“You gonna leave me for some cute little faerie, huh?” Isak joked and Even laughed, warming Isak from the inside out.

“Never.  I love my grumpy little wolf.” Even reached over and ruffled Isak’s hair, almost knocking Isak’s beanie clean off.

“Hey!” Isak protested.  “I worked hard to steal this hat; don’t knock it off!”

“You stole it?” Even rose an eyebrow at him and Isak immediately regretted opening his mouth.

“It used to be Jonas’.” He admitted sheepishly.  He saw the unimpressed look flicker over Even’s features before he reined it in and Isak was glad his beanie wasn’t going to become an Issue™ between them.

“You ready to look at some more stalls?” Even asked.  It wasn’t going to win any awards for smoothest topic change, but it would do.

“Sure.” Isak shrugged, quickly swallowing down his last few chips.  “Do you think I’ll find something for my mum here?” He was only buying gifts for his mother and Even this year, although Even didn’t know about the second part.

“Do you know what you want to get her?” Even took his hand as they both stood up and threw their empty food wrappers away.

“Not really.” Isak admitted.  “She likes gardening; I was going to roll with that.” The one thing Isak wanted to give his mother – more than anything – was something that he knew wasn’t going to happen this year no matter how much he wanted it.

He wanted to get her out of assisted living and back home.

He’d been saying it since she went in, and another Christmas was passing them by where she was still there.

Even seemed to pick up on the sudden nosedive Isak’s mood had taken and he pulled Isak right into his side, keeping a strong arm around Isak’s waist.

“How about something nice for her to plant?” Even suggested.  “Or…gardening gloves?  It must be cold to garden now?” Isak could tell that Even was struggling for ideas (much like he was) but he loved that Even was trying so hard.  Isak was about to reply when a stall caught his eye and an idea came to him.

“Look, there’s a pottery stall!” Isak tugged at Even’s coat as if he didn’t already have 100% of his boyfriend’s attention.  Even seemed to share Isak’s train of thought, because they hurried over to the stall to see what they had available.

“Flowerpot?” Even checked with Isak and Isak nodded.

“Flowerpot.” He confirmed.  The woman seemed a little bit surprised when they told her that they wanted the plain flowerpot, and no they weren’t going to paint it there because Even had more colours at home, but she shrugged and let Isak buy a plain pot.

“Drip painted flower pots are so easy to do and they always look so cheerful when they’re done!  We can do it at mine later if you want and then you know it’s done?” Even offered as they went back to perusing the stalls hand in hand.  Isak’s heart was melting at Even’s enthusiasm for Isak’s gift for his mother.

“Sounds good.” Isak smiled over at his boyfriend.  He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be with Even.  He was everything Isak wanted, and he wanted Isak back.  They were walking past a stall full of knitted goods when something Even said pinged in his brain.

“I could get her something nice to wear in the cold?  A scarf and gloves or something?  And then she has two things and neither of them have bankrupted me?” Isak hated having to think of it like that.  His mum deserved something nice, dammit.

“Sure, baby.” Even nodded, steering them back into the stall.  They parted ways to look at all the knitted things, and Isak was surprised to learn that the smell of so much wool in a small place was actually very comforting.  It didn’t take him long to find the perfect set for his mum, and when he couldn’t see Even for a second opinion he just shrugged and paid the elderly lady running the stall.

He stepped back out and took a deep breath, relieved that at least his mum’s Christmas gifts were sorted.  Now he just had to figure out what the hell he was going to get for his boyfriend.

On the other hand, considering Even seemed to have disappeared maybe Isak wouldn’t have to get him anything for-

“Boo!” Someone shouted right beside his ear in the middle of his thought.

“Fuck!” Isak whirled around and smacked whoever it was upside the head as his heart rate shot through the roof from fright.  It was only when he heard a familiar laugh that he realised it was Even who had snuck up behind him and scared him shitless.

“Fucking hell.” Isak wheezed, holding his chest to try to stop his heart from exploding.

“You were so distracted, I couldn’t help it!” Even held his hands up in defence and Isak really had to resist the urge to punch his boyfriend square in his smug face.

“Yeah, because an asthma attack is how all good dates end.” Isak rolled his eyes, embarrassed by just how much Even had startled him.

“Oh, shit, I totally forgot-” Even was immediately in Fuss™ mode and Isak shook his head.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!  I’m fine.” He waved Even’s fussing away.  “Want to see what I got for my mum?” He asked as a peace offering, holding up the bag.

“Sure, angel.” Even smiled.

“She likes colours, and I saw this and thought it looked really warm so…” Isak trailed off as he held up the multicoloured scarf/hat/gloves set for Even to see.

“They do look cosy.” Even agreed, reaching out to feel the scarf.  “I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“I hope so.” Isak dropped it back into the back before putting it inside the bag with the flowerpot to keep them all together.

“I actually got you something.” Even told him as they started walking and Isak snapped his head towards his boyfriend.

“But I haven’t got anything for y-” Isak began to protest, but the words died on his lips when Even held up his own bag from the stall they’d just been in.

“I obviously haven’t had time to wrap it yet.” Even winked as he handed the bag over, but Isak was too dumbstruck to think of a witty reply.  “Go on then!” Even encouraged him and Isak opened the bag dumbly.

“Even, seriously.” Isak groaned when he saw what was inside.

“Yeah, I couldn’t help but notice how your beanie was looking a little threadbare.  And, y’know, wool hats do keep your head warmer.” Even said as Isak took the woolly hat out of the bag and held it up.

“Are you going to put it on?” Even looked so fucking smug.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you that this beanie used to be Jonas’.” Isak huffed, making no move to put the hat on.  It was a nice hat, he would admit, but he wasn’t going to give in to Even that quickly.  It was a dark shade of blue, with an off white bobble on the top that he would probably look ridiculous in but looked oh so soft.

“It has nothing to do with that!” Even lied blatantly.  “I just thought you could use a warmer hat on such a cold day!”

“Fine.” Isak rolled his eyes.  He dipped his head indicating for Even to pull his current hat off for him and Isak almost fell over from the speed with which Even removed the offending beanie.  Isak gave him a reproachful look when he straightened up before putting his new woolly hat on and striking a pose for Even.

He had meant to make Even laugh, but instead Even was looking at him like he’d walked straight out of a fantasy.  It was only a hat for fuck’s sake!

Isak cleared his throat and tried to think of something.

“What do you want to do now?” He asked awkwardly, shuffling between one foot and the other nervously.

“How about the ferriswheel?” Even suggested after a second, apparently coming out of his hat-induced stupor.

“Sure.  You’d better watch out that I don’t push you off the top for sneaking up on me.” Isak half-joked as they turned around and made their way towards the big ferriswheel.  When they caught sight of the line they took a quick detour to get a hot chocolate each, nursing their hot drinks in the line to keep the winter cold at bay.

Isak was unashamed to say that they were the cliché couple while they waited in that line.  They sipped at each other’s hot chocolate and kissed away chocolaty smudges from each others lips, whispering soft words to each other in the cosy space between them, and cuddled close together even though there was plenty of space for them to stand a respectable distance apart.

Isak didn’t regret a second of it.

They had finished their drinks by the time they got to the front, tossing their empty cups in the bin while their payment went through for their tickets.  They sat down in their compartment, exchanging a we’re both too tall for this but it’s too late to back out now glance before bursting into laughter as guy in charge closed the door of their compartment.

“Our spines might never recover from this.” Isak laughed as they looked each other over.  Neither of them were particularly short, and this ferriswheel had clearly been designed for petit people who didn’t have miles of legs to accommodate.  Even looked like he was trying to fold himself in half and Isak suspected that he probably looked about as ridiculous as his boyfriend.

It was all forgotten, though, when the ferriswheel started moving.  They snuggled close to each other and watched the world sink away from them, and Isak felt a most welcome sense of calm wash over him.  When the ferriswheel came to a stop they weren’t at the very peak, but they were high enough up to have a stunning view of the market.

It was barely 15.30, but December brought the darkness early.  The world below them was illuminated by fairytale-esque streetlamps and seemingly endless strings of fairy lights, and Isak didn’t think he’d ever seen something so magical.  Above them – although it felt more like around them – the stars were spread through the sky ready to guide lost travellers back onto the right path.

And there, suspended between the two, Isak fell in love with his life in a way he never expected to.

“It’s incredible.” Isak breathed, not wanting to speak to loudly and shatter the fragile sense of peace that had filled him.

“It is.” Even agreed, but when Isak tore his gaze away from the world outside of their compartment he found that Even was looking straight at him instead of at the picturesque world around them.

Something shifted in Isak, and he was sure that Even got the same feeling as they stared at each other in their cramped little compartment suspended amongst the stars.

They hadn’t said it – either of them – but they had alluded to it more than once.  A joking I love you when the other gets them something to eat when they’ve forgotten to eat for a while, the odd comments about falling or being head over heels.

But as they surged to close the space between them like two attracting magnets, Isak felt sure.

He was sure he was in love with Even.

Chapter Text

By 17.00 they were back at Even’s; their winter layers shed and the blanket donned in front of the fire.  Even said that his dad was away on business for the week, but Isak was vaguely aware of Even’s mother floating around.  He could deal with that, at least; single parent households didn’t send his mess of a brain into meltdown.

Elise – unsurprisingly – was glued to Even’s side and had been since she found out that Even planned to do some painting with Isak.  Apparently Elise loved painting.  Initially Even had told her that she could only watch, because they were painting Isak’s mum’s Christmas present, but Isak didn’t think his mum would mind if her ‘drip painted flower pot’ as Even called it had a child’s touch.

He had a feeling that his mum missed that sort of thing.

While Even covered the pot in a thick white coat of paint – to make the colours stand out better, he insisted as he’d ushered them out of the kitchen – Isak and Elise got cosy in the lounge.  It was only a couple of minutes, thankfully, until Even joined them under what Isak could only describe as the softest blanket in the world everything just felt right.

They ended up putting on a Christmas movie; partly for Elise and partly to keep up with the festive theme of their date.  While Elise was enraptured by the magic of Christmas unfolding on the screen, Isak was preoccupied by the magic of Even.  Without either of them really thinking about it, Even had managed to fill up so many of the gaps that Isak hadn’t even known were in his life.

It felt like they were already carving a life out with each other.

It should have felt terrifying, too big for them after such a short space of time, but it just felt right.  Isak didn’t want to question it, so he tried to focus on the movie instead.

They were about an hour in when Even said that the white coat should have dried and they could finally paint the pot properly.  The words had barely left his mouth before Elise was scrambling off the sofa saying “I help, I help!” with more urgency than Isak thought the situation really called for.  He shot Even an amused look before they too heaved themselves off the sofa and followed Elise into the kitchen.

“Remember, Ellie, this is for Isak’s mama.  It’s not ours.” Even said as he inspected the flowerpot.  It looked fine to Isak, but what did he know about painting?  Elise just nodded at Even’s words and thrust a tiny apron up at Even.

“Have to wear the apron!” Elise wiggled the apron pointedly up at Even, and her meaning couldn’t have been clearer.  Get this damn thing on me so I can paint, Even!

“How about I help you with the apron while Even gets some paint colours?” Isak suggested when he realised Even had yet to produce any paint.  Elise immediately turned around and thrust the apron at him with a surprising amount of force for such a small child.

“What’s the magic word?” Isak raised an eyebrow at Elise, knowing from various stories Even had told that she still had to be reminded about manners because she was only little.

“Please!” Elise said quickly, stretching her arm higher to give the apron to Isak.

“Any colour requests?” Even asked while Isak put the tiny apron over Elise’s clothes.

“Mum likes yellow?  Just bright colours, I guess?” Isak wasn’t really sure; it wasn’t like he’d ever asked his mother what her favourite colour was.  Did that make him a shitty son?  Was that something he was meant to know?

“You got it.” Even nodded before disappearing off to his room.  Thankfully Isak wasn’t left alone long enough to panic, and Even came back with an armful of paint bottles and a few fat paintbrushes.

“Right!” Even huffed as he set the bottles down on the table next to the pot.  “We’ve got yellow, orange, a couple shades of blue, and some green.  All the other colours were darker.” Even pulled out a chair and when Isak went to help Elise get up onto it she pushed his hand away.

“I can do it by myself!” She said primly, and when Isak looked up in amusement he caught sight of Even trying to stifle his laugh behind his hand and the whole thing became even funnier.

“Okay, Elise.” Isak laughed as he plonked himself down on a chair.  Even sat opposite him after pushing Elise’s chair close to the table and as soon as he handed his sister a paintbrush she tried to get at the flowerpot.

“There’s no paint yet, Ellie.” Even pushed her hand away gently.  “Remember, this is for Isak’s mama.  It’s not yours.” Isak felt kind of bad seeing the way Elise ducked her head at that, but as soon as Even popped open the cap of the first paint her head snapped right back up.

“So how are we doing this?” Isak finally asked what he had been thinking since Even suggested drip painting.

“I’m going to just sort of…drizzle some paint over the pot and then we can blot it with the brushes to help it stick a bit.” Even made the vaguest gesture with his hands, which Isak took to mean we’re winging it because I can’t explain it well.

“Got it.” He nodded, picking a paintbrush from the newspaper-covered table.  “Let’s paint some pot.” He winked at Even, who almost squeezed the entire bottle of yellow paint over himself when he burst out laughing.

Weed jokes never missed with Even.

***

Isak had more fun than he expected to have painting that pot with Even and Elise, and the final product was actually kind of cool.  He was looking forward to seeing it once it dried, but he was dreading the thought of lugging it back to the kollektiv in his backpack.  His back still ached from taking it back to Even’s and they’d been back for ages now.

Once the pot was once again being left to dry it was time for Elise to wash up and get ready for bed, so she’d reluctantly hugged Even goodnight and waved at Isak and gone off with Even’s mum for a bath and left Isak alone with his boyfriend for the first time since they got back from the Christmas market.

Seeing as Elise was going to bed – and Isak wasn’t sure if he was ready to sit and chill with Even’s mum – the boys decided to crash for the day too.  They were both actually pretty worn out from their day out in the market, so both of them were ready to curl up in bed by 20.00.

So that was exactly what they did.

They brushed their teeth and got changed and flopped into bed together, both exhaling a long sigh of relief to finally be back in bed after a long day.  It had been weird to take his suppressant in front of Even, but now that Even thought he was on birth control there was no reason to hide his pill popping.

Even had sprawled out on his back like a starfish – which Isak couldn’t really complain about seeing as it was Even’s bed they were in – and Isak had snuggled up next to him to ride out his post-pill queasiness.  While his stomach rolled uncomfortably he pushed his face into Even’s neck and tried to take deep and even breaths, soaking up the smell of Even’s cologne and the subtle hint of his natural scent.

“Thank you for today.” Isak mumbled into Even’s neck once the worst of the nausea passed.  “I never would have thought of going to the Christmas market.  I probably would have taken us to a museum or something and bored the shit out of you.” He just wasn’t as good at the romantic shit as Even, it would seemed.

“Any date with you is a good date.” Even disagreed, and warmth spread through Isak as he felt Even press a kiss to the top of his head.  “Maybe next time we can go to the science and tech museum and I can enjoy your geeking out face.” Even sounded genuine, but Isak refused to believe that Even thought that sounded like fun.

“I do not have a geeking out face!” Isak protested, removing his face from the crook of Even’s neck just to glare at his boyfriend.

“You definitely have a geeking out face.” Even nodded.  “When you talk about science or medicine or the universe, you get this really excited look on your face.  It’s cute; it just shows you’re passionate about stuff.” Even squeezed Isak’s waist to reassure him that he wasn’t trying to mock him and Isak allowed himself to be mollified.

“Hmm.” He shot Even an unconvinced side-eye before laying his head back down on his boyfriend’s hoodie-clad shoulder.  It was better than any pillow Isak had ever had.  “You’re lucky you’re cute or I’d never let you get away with saying shit like that.” Isak prodded Even playfully in the ribs, laughing at the way his boyfriend jerked back dramatically.

“My good looks save my ass once again.” Even joked and Isak couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“You’re such a dork.” He shook his head against Even’s shoulder.  “For real though, thank you for helping so much with my mum’s gift.  I know she’s going to love that flowerpot.”

I know she’s going to love you.

“Would you want to meet her?” The words were out of Isak’s mouth before he even realised he had opened his trap.

“Really?” Isak could hear Even’s eyebrows raise, but when he examined his feelings he found that he didn’t want to take the words back.  He wanted Even to meet his mum.  He wanted his mum to meet Even.  He wanted her to meet the guy who made Isak feel so strongly that he finally came out of the closet to her.

“Only if you want to.” Isak shrugged, trying not to make a big deal of it.  “I just think she’d love to meet you now that she knows about you, and about us.” Isak gestured vaguely between their close-pressed bodies.

“Do you want me to meet her?” Even sat up slightly to look at Isak and it made his heart hammer against his ribcage.

“I think so.” Isak whispered, doing everything in his power to avoid Even’s gaze.

“Then I’d be honoured to meet your mama.  I’ve got to thank her for making the most perfect man in the world.” Even dipped his head and caught Isak’s lips in a soft kiss, but the surprise made Isak’s mouth fall open before he pulled himself together and kissed his boyfriend back.

“Goodnight, baby.” Isak whispered when they broke apart, tucking his face back into the crook of Even’s neck to block out the light filtering into Even’s room from the streetlamps outside.

“Goodnight, angel.”

***

It was never going to be an immediate thing, getting Even and his mum to meet, but once the weekend was over he put the idea to his mum.

Isak (8.47)
hey mama, hope you’re well x sorry I haven’t had the chance to see you recently, are you free any time this week?

Mama (9.10)
you’re busy with school and your friends and I’m sure Even’s keeping you busy too! no teenager spends much time with their parents anyway ;)
my calendar is always pretty empty, baby, what were you thinking?

Isak (11.18)
yeah but I should MAKE time for you
but I was thinking
how would you feel about meeting Even?

Mama (11.20)
you really want me to meet him???

Isak (11.21)
definitely. I know we’ve only been together since the end of October but I really think he might be the one mama

Mama (11.22)
my little boy is growing up and finding his soulmate!
I’m so happy for you of course I want to meet him. I need to make sure he’s good enough for my son

Isak (11.24)
oh my god please don’t interrogate him
I just…want you guys to meet, because you’re both important to me
you can just call it your Christmas gift to me!

Mama (11.27)
when were you thinking of us all getting together?

Isak (11.30)
maybe this weekend?

Mama (11.33)
it’s a date!

Isak (14.17)
sorry, at school
also please don’t call it a date

Mama (14.26)
I’m old I don’t have to know the lingo! just tell me the when and where

Isak (15.27)
Saturday at 1300? KB? we can have a little bit of food and just talk or whatever?

Mama (15.31)
I love some whatever

Isak (15.35)
oh my god you know what I meant

Mama (15.37)
see you and your boyfriend on Saturday
have a good week baby

Isak (15.42)
you too mama

Chapter Text

As the week trudged on Isak could definitely tell the end of the year was nearing, because his whole body was exhausted.  School had ended for the year on Wednesday, and Isak was sure that if it had been any later he wouldn’t have made it.

But he had made it, and even better was the fact he only had one or two pieces of work to do over the holiday.  Even – unfortunately – had a bit more schoolwork to contend with being a third year, and wanted to get it out of the way ASAP so he could just enjoy his holiday.  Isak could respect that, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t pout into their goodbye kiss on Wednesday afternoon.

While Even was presumably working his ass off over the few days they had before meeting Isak’s mum, Isak pretty much slept straight through.  The last few weeks of term had killed him.  He was exhausted and achy and had a headache from all the reading he’d been doing, but now he was off until January and he refused to get sick.

Despite his stubbornness, his body crumbled like a bad biscuit and he slept from Wednesday night until Friday afternoon and woke up feeling like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his entire body.  The first thing he thought when he groggily checked his phone was that it was a good thing he and Even had agreed on no contact until Even came over on Friday night so that he could concentrate on his work, because if Even had been trying to get a hold of Isak and he’d been asleep all that time Isak was pretty sure his boyfriend would have dragged him directly to the doctors.

There were, however, multiple texts from the boys asking where he’d been.  Isak shot them a quick apology saying he’d slept like a dead body for a day and a half and that he’d catch up with them next week.  Jonas was the only one who knew that Isak was introducing his mum to Even, and Isak smiled to himself when he saw the encouraging good luck text Jonas had sent him.

Relieved that there were no urgent things he had to deal with, Isak heaved himself into a sitting position and cast a sleepy eye around his room.  It looked just like it did when he went to bed on Wednesday night, except now it had a distinct stale smell that clearly said a teenage boy slept for almost 44 hours here without opening a window or his door.

Even was staying over Friday night so they could go to KB together on Saturday, which meant that Isak needed to get his ass in gear and make his room habitable.  He rubbed at his eyes to clear the last of the sleepy fog from his vision before he rolled himself off of his bed for the first time in almost two days.

His first action was to open the window and air out the staleness.  Isak didn’t even get as far as opening his bedroom door to help the airing out process before Eskild was rushing in.

“I thought you were dead, baby gay!  What the hell have you been doing in here?” Eskild took him by the shoulders and almost gave Isak whiplash from shaking him so vigorously.

“I was sleeping!” Isak protested as he squirmed out of Eskild’s grasp.

“For two days?” That was the closest Eskild had ever got to shouting at him and Isak couldn’t help the way he cringed away from him.  Apparently it didn’t go unnoticed by Eskild, because his face softened and he lowered his hands.

“Sorry, kid.  You just scared me.” Eskild apologised.

“Whatever.” Isak muttered, turning his back and getting to work stripping his sheets.  The whole room stunk; there was no way he was letting Even stay over until he had done at least one load of washing.

“I’ll put your sheets through the wash.  You need a shower.” Eskild took the duvet from Isak’s hands – not making a single come joke, which is how Isak knew he really was sorry about snapping at Isak – and made a shooing motion.  “Go!  You stink!  You’ll never keep your hot boyfriend if he finds you like this.” Eskild huffed and Isak couldn’t suppress his smile.

“Thanks, Eskild.” He grabbed his wash bag from his desk and crossed the hall to the bathroom.  He felt slimy and gross and he couldn’t wait to scrub all the sleep sweat off his skin.

He may have indulged in a slightly longer shower than normal, but when he was done he felt a million times better.  He still felt achy and tired, but at least he didn’t feel like a biohazard any more.  He brushed his teeth twice – they felt furry and gross and Isak was not okay with any of that – and took his pills and deemed himself done.  When he went back to his room his bed had been stripped and it smelled like Eskild has squirted Febreeze over his mattress and duvet; Isak thought that was verging on overkill but it definitely smelt better than it had when he woke up.

He got himself dressed in his usual lounging around clothes and put some clean sheets on his bed and by the time he was done it was almost 18.00 and he only had an hour to kill before Even came over.  It seemed like Eskild was making himself scarce, so Isak used his little bit of free time to do some of his schoolwork.

He didn’t actually get much done, though, because his mind kept drifting.  Would his mum like Even??  Would Even like his mum?  What if the whole thing went terribly and the two most important people to Isak hated each other?  What the hell would he do then?

Before he knew it the doorbell was trilling and Isak had lost an hour of his life to anxiety and got a total of zero school things done.  Feeling only a little bit embarrassed by his inability to get his shit together for even an hour, Isak went to get the door.

“Hey, handsome.” Even grinned when he saw him.

“Isn’t that my line?” Isak couldn’t help but smile back.  Even just made him so fucking happy; it was disgusting.

“We can share it.” Even suggested as he slipped inside.  His cheeks were bright red, which Isak took to mean that it was freezing outside, as was the tip of his nose and the exposed parts of Even’s ears that weren’t protected by his hat.

They made their way to Isak’s room, and the second they closed the door behind themselves they surged together.  Even’s lips were cold against his own, but when their lips parted and their tongues clashed in the middle there was nothing cold about it.

“Missed you, baby.” Even moaned against his lips and Isak nodded quickly, pulling Even towards his bed.

“Missed you too.” Isak felt the bed against the back of his knees and he tugged Even down on top of him.  He was only in his pyjamas, but Even had all his outdoor clothes and layers on and that wasn’t good enough.  Isak’s hands were frantic as they pushed and pulled at Even’s clothes until they started coming off.

Even seemed to get the idea and he sat up, looking fucking gorgeous sat on Isak’s lap while Isak was lying panting on the bed, to strip himself of his layers.  His coat, hoodie, and shirt all flew haphazardly across Isak’s room all the while Even was rocking his hips down against Isak’s in a rhythm that had Isak’s eyes rolling back in his head.

His hands flew to Even’s jeans with the intention of popping the button and yanking the zip down, but when he felt the hardness hiding underneath he couldn’t stop himself from palming at it.  Even practically melted against him at the contact; he slumped against Isak, pressing damp kisses over his throat while he ground his hips into the palm of Isak’s hand.

“Fuck, angel, you’re so good.” Even groaned into the hollow of Isak’s throat, but Isak could hardly concentrate on words.  He needed skin to skin right now or he was going to die.  He managed to undo Even’s jeans and pull them down far enough to free Even’s dick.  He could feel the head poking out from under the waistband of Even’s boxers and for some reason that small – or not, as the case may have been – detail made Isak feel about ten degrees hotter.

“Baby,” Isak whined as he tugged at Even’s boxers to get them out of the way.  His boyfriend was hot and hard and already wet at the tip and remembering how it had felt inside of him made Isak’s legs tremble.

“Right here.” Even promised, sucking the delicate skin over Isak’s Adam’s apple.  Isak’s brain short-circuited the second he got his hand on the smooth skin of Even’s cock, palming at the head to make his hand nice and wet before he started jerking Even off in the tight space between their bellies.

He’d hardly got a few slick pulls into reacquainting himself with his boyfriend after two long days apart before Even moved away, and Isak was about to make his complaint known when Even yanked his shirt over his head and tossed Isak’s sweatpants onto the floor.  When Even’s hot kisses began their descent down Isak’s chest Isak forgot every word he ever knew.

Even slid his boxers off easily and Isak moaned in relief as the cool air hit the hot skin of his dick.  Even didn’t waste time and all Isak could do was tangle his fingers in his boyfriend’s hair and hold on.  When Even’s tongue started licking all over the skin of Isak’s dick Isak couldn’t control the way his hips bucked, and he narrowly avoided poking Even in the eye with his straining dick.

“Relax, baby.” Even laughed as he jerked his head back to avoid being blinded.  “Don’t want a black eye over Christmas, do I?” He winked before dipping his head back down.

“S-sorry.” Isak stuttered, unable to take his eyes off of Even.  He was taking his sweet fucking time licking all over Isak’s dick before leaning back to admire his work.  He gave Isak zero warning before he leaned back in and swallowed him down, getting almost all of Isak’s length in his mouth.

“Oh fuck-” Isak’s back arched off the bed and his fingers twisted in Even’s hair to the point where it must have been painful but Even didn’t say a word, he just kept working his mouth over Isak’s cock like it was his life mission to suck Isak’s brain out.  The whole universe narrowed down until all that existed was the hot wetness of Even’s mouth that had Isak chanting his boyfriend’s name over and over like a prayer.

“You’re so fucking loud.” Even’s rough voice suddenly hit Isak’s ears and his dick was suddenly left untouched, but before Isak could even open his mouth Even was pushing their lips together and licking into Isak’s mouth.  Isak could taste himself on Even’s tongue and it made his stomach clench.

“Shut me up then.” Isak panted.  Even leaned back at that, bracing himself above Isak with a hand on either side of Isak’s shoulders, and arched an eyebrow at Isak as if to ask him if he really wanted that.

“Come on, alpha; show me what you’ve got.” Isak bucked his hips up tauntingly, and just like he suspected the alpha/omega role play had Even’s eyes darkening deliciously.  Even lowered himself back down and sealed his lips over Isak’s, kissing him with a new found urgency as one of his huge hands travelled down Isak’s abdomen until it found Isak’s dick where it was leaking against his stomach.

The moan that escaped Isak’s throat when Even fisted both their dicks together in his precome-slickened hand was eaten up by Even’s kisses.  Even’s hand moved quickly, his movements quickly becoming slippery with an indistinguishable mix of their precome, until all Isak could do was gasp desperately for breath against Even’s plush lips.  It shouldn’t have turned him on so much that their precome was one big mess, but it did.

Isak wanted every aspect of their life to be like that.  He wanted his whole life to be indistinguishable from Even’s until it was impossible to tell where one of them started and the other ended.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Every wet pull of Even’s hand had him spiralling higher and higher and if the way Even’s thighs were shaking was any indication then his boyfriend was getting close to.

“Gonna come for me, angel?” Even groaned, his lips ghosting over the shell of Isak’s ear and making him shiver.  “Yeah?  Gonna come with me?” Isak keened at that, and suddenly all he could think of was how incredible it would be to fall off that edge with Even.

“Close, Ev, close!” Isak nodded frantically, squirming underneath his boyfriend as the pleasure started to reach levels of too much.  All it took to pull Isak’s orgasm out of him was for Even to bring his other hand into play and tug at Isak’s balls, and that was it.

Isak’s back arched to an almost painful angle as his orgasm shook through him, and when he felt Even’s come spilling over his own dick it only prolonged his orgasm.  Everything felt hazy, but he could hear Even moaning his name against the sweat-damp skin of his shoulder.

To his credit, Even kept working his hand over them both until they were totally finished and they both shuddered from oversensitivity.  Even released their cocks with a groan and rolled off of Isak, wiping his hand on Isak’s duvet before pulling Isak into a hug.

“Those sheets were clean on an hour ago.” Was all Isak could think to mumble.  He felt lifeless; like Even had just pulled out all of Isak’s soul with a quick handjob.

“Too bad.” Even yawned, resting his cheek against Isak’s hair.

They spent the rest of the night like that: curled up in each other and murmuring back and forth, sometimes joking and sometimes talking about serious things.

Neither of them brought up their impending lunch with Isak’s mum.

***

It wasn’t until they were on the tram that Even’s nerves became obvious.

Isak had suspected his boyfriend had been nervous when Even fussed about his outfit choice for almost half an hour before Isak managed to reassure him that he looked fine and that there was no need for either of them to dress up for a lunch meeting at KB.  The frantic twitching of Even’s fingers against his knees, however, was a dead giveaway to Isak.

“You really want to get your bouncy ball out, don’t you?” Isak covered Even’s hands with his own to try to still the trembles running through them.

“Yes.  Maybe if I bounced it hard enough it would come back and hit me in the face and concuss me.” Even deadpanned and Isak snorted.

“It’s gonna be fine, baby.  My mum’s been level for a while, and she’s excited to meet you, and you get to go to KB without being on shift!  That’s always nice for you!” Isak reminded him, giving Even a little smile when he looked over at him.

“I just don’t want her to hate me.” Even admitted quietly.  “I don’t want her to think I’m a shitty alpha like your dad.”

Isak’s heart broke at that, because he knew that he was the reason Even had that doubt in his head.  He almost wished that he could take back telling Even about his dad.

“She was the first one to tell me not to judge you on your status; she isn’t going to see you as an alpha she’s just going to see you as Even.” Isak promised, squeezing Even’s hand reassuringly.

“I don’t want her to think that I’m just with you because of your status either.  I don’t want her to think I’m one of those traditionalists.” The distress in Even’s voice cut straight through Isak.

“About that…” Isak swallowed nervously.

“What?” Even asked sharply, making Isak wince.

“She- um, she doesn’t know.  That I’m…not a beta.” Isak didn’t want to say it aloud in the middle of a crowded tram and he was glad that Even hadn’t either.

“What?” Even was looking at him with huge eyes.  “How does your mum not know?” He asked incredulously and Isak’s stomach sunk at the thought of having to lie to Even again.

“She wasn’t well when I presented.  So I just sorted everything myself, and when she came back to herself I just…told her I was a beta.  It seemed like it would be easier for her to not have to worry about her only child being an omega when the world was…like it is.” Isak finished lamely, averting his gaze to the window they were sat next to.

They were almost at their stop.

“Well, shit.” Even was obviously shocked, which just reminded Isak what a fucking mess his life must seem to people who had their shit together.  “Good thing you told me that before we went in.”

“I just wanted you to have all the fact.” Isak squeezed his hand again before pulling Even to his feet.  “Show time!” He joked as the tram slowed to a stop and the door slid open.

They made their way quietly to the café, both of them clinging to the others hand to try to keep the nerves at bay.  Isak found them a nice table while Even ordered their usual drinks, and Isak had just finished sending his mum the obligatory we’re here this is where our table is text when Even came back balancing their tray expertly.

“You’d never tell you worked here.” Isak winked as he picked up his drink.

“Not working today!  So no mention of work!” Even waggled his finger at Isak in faux-sternness, making Isak laugh.

“Just sit down, you idiot.” Isak told him affectionately, tugging at his boyfriend’s sleeve until he sat down.  They’d only been sat down and messing around for about five minutes before Isak caught sight of his mum coming through the door.

“She’s here!” Isak whispered to Even before turning to wave to catch her attention.  She was clearly scanning the café for a familiar face and when she finally saw Isak, her face breaking into a smile.

“Wow, you look so like her.” Even mumbled.  Isak heard him take a deep breath and suddenly Even was sitting up straight next to him.

“Hi, Ms. Valtersen!” Even smiled, standing up to pull a chair out for Isak’s mum.  Isak just about managed to stop his jaw from dropping at the sudden change in Even’s demeanour.  How the hell had he done that?

“I haven’t been called a Valtersen since I was married!  Just call me Marianne.” Marianne waved her hand casually.  “But you must be Even?” She smiled, and Isak’s insides relaxed.  So far so good.

“That’s me.  Even Bech Næsheim.” Even held his hand out, but Marianne shook her head.

“None of that formality!” She pulled Even into a hug, forcing Isak to muffle his laughter in his sleeve at the sight of his tiny mother manhandling his giant of a boyfriend.

“You’ve made my son very happy; as far as I’m concerned you’re already family!” Marianne said as she released Even from her grip.  Isak’s heart warmed at that, and he could only hope that it didn’t scare Even off that his mum was already thinking of him like family.

“He’s made me happier than I thought I could be too.” Even smiled over at him as he sat back down and Isak was pretty sure he fell even more in love with him there and then.

“I’m just going to get a drink and then I’m coming to sit down and get to know the boy who stole my son’s heart.” Marianne grinned deviously at Isak before joining the queue at the till.

“Well then.” Even grinned down at Isak and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  “The boy who stole her son’s heart, huh?” He teased, but Isak was done skirting around those three words.

“It’s true.” Isak whispered, searching Even’s face.  “I love you.” Isak breathed.  His words came out so softly that if they hadn’t been forehead to forehead Even probably wouldn’t have heard him.

The smile that broke out across Even’s face was like watching the sun rise, but a million times more beautiful.

“I love you too, Is.” Even whispered, closing the minute space between them to gently press their lips together.  “I fell for you so hard.” Even brushed his nose along Isak’s and Isak had to fight the urge to close his eyes.

“Same here.” He nodded.  “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Isak sat back a bit, figuring it would only be another minute until his mum came back with her drink.

“So am I.” Even threaded their fingers together between them and Isak felt like his soul had finally settled.

“So!” Marianne said brightly as she set her drink down on the table, unknowingly bursting Even and Isak’s little bubble.  “How did you two meet?”

I was popping pills at a party and he came to tell me off.

“Some party?  But he was a bit drunk, so I just got his number and told him to message me when he sobered up a bit.” Even shot Isak a teasing look while Isak’s face flamed.

“Even!”

“Oh, Isak, relax; I knew you drank as soon as you started with Jonas!” Marianne waved her hand as if it was no big deal, but Isak was mortified.  He had always thought that he and Jonas had been very subtle.

“So do you go to school with Isak?” Marianne changed the subject swiftly, and Isak got the impression that his mother had a long list of questions for Even.

“Yeah, but I used to be at Bakka.  There were some unfortunate circumstances and I’m redoing my third year at Nissen.” Even said honestly.  Isak squeezed his hand comfortingly.  He should have said that Even didn’t need to talk about anything he felt uncomfortable about, but it was too late now.

“Life can be hard.” Marianne acknowledged.  “Do you have any idea what you might like to do after school?” At that question Isak groaned.

“Mama, come on!” He protested, but Even seemed willing to answer the question.

“I love film.  I’d love to do something in the field; script work or directing are the things that really stand out to me.  There are just so many stories out there to tell, y’know?” Isak loved the way Even’s face just lit up when he talked about his career aspirations, and when he glanced over it looked like his mum felt the same way.

“That’s a big dream.  Good luck with it.” She smiled at Even and he gave her a smile back.

After that Isak let himself tune out, satisfied that his mother and Even were getting on well enough that he wouldn’t need to intervene.  This was a meeting for his mum to get to know Even; there wasn’t really much he needed to do.  Even could sell himself as a prize just fine on his own.

Isak sat back, nestled against Even’s side, and nursed at his drink to try to shift his headache.  He felt a lot better than he had when he woke up yesterday, but his body was definitely on its way to succumbing to the flu.

Isak thought that it was disgustingly unfair that he got sick right as the holiday started, but that was always the sort of luck he had had.

He could hear his mum and Even talking, there was even the occasional laugh, and Isak laid his head against Even’s shoulder contentedly.  He hadn’t slept last night after his long sleep, but now he was starting to feel drowsy again.  He hoped Even didn’t mind that he was basically flaking out on their meeting with his mum.

The next thing Isak was aware of was someone shaking him and he opened his eyes groggily.

He tried to ask what is it, but his words slurred together so badly that he probably just sounded like an idiot.

“It’s almost four; your mum has some stuff to do before she goes home.” Even murmured in his ear, and it took Isak a minute to realise that that meant their time at KB was over.

And he’d apparently slept through it.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to fall asleep!  You should have woken me!” Isak was starting to wake up a bit, but he definitely felt worse for wear.

“You obviously needed it.” Marianne shrugged.  “Besides, I was here to meet Even.  I already know you, what with how I gave birth to you.” She teased.

“I’ll come visit next week to give you your Christmas presents, okay?” Isak said as he stood up and pulled his mum into a hug.  She hugged him tightly, and Isak almost jerked at the sharp pain that shot through his ribs.  Had his mother turned into the Hulk?

“You didn’t need to buy me anything!” Marianne exclaimed as they let go of each other.

“Of course I did.” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’ve got some jobs to do before I head back, so this is where we say goodbye!” Marianne pulled Isak down and kissed his cheek before holding her hands out to Even.  “Even; it was so good to finally meet you.  I hope I’ll see you again?” Isak had to smile at the way Marianne blushed when Even took her hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze.

“I plan on being with Isak for a long, long time; you’ll be sick of the sight of me soon enough.” Even meant it as a joke, but to Isak it felt like a promise.  I’m not going anywhere.

“I hope so.” Marianne winked.  “Enjoy your evening, boys.” She gave them a little wave and Isak’s heart felt impossibly full as he watched her shrug her coat back on and weave her way outside.

She was really getting better.

“That went really well.” Even said as they got their coats on.  “Even if you did fall asleep and leave me to fend for myself.” Even added playfully.

“Sorry about that.” Isak blushed.  “I zoned out and then I guess I fell asleep.” Isak rubbed at his eyes and looked around.  The café was considerably quieter than it had been when they arrived and the sky was almost totally dark outside.

“Are you alright, angel?  You looked really pale.” Even cupped the side of his face and made Isak look at him but he brushed it off.

“I think I’m just coming down with something; it’s nothing serious.” He took Even’s head as they walked outside into the bracing December cold.

“So what did you and mum talk about?” Isak changed the subject with about as much subtly as an elephant.

“Top secret boyfriend-mother stuff.” Even replied easily.  By some unspoken decision they both headed in the direction of the tram stop, ready to go back to Isak’s.

“Ev!” Isak whined, but Even was having none of it.

“If you wanted to know then you should have stayed awake!” He laughed, pulling Isak between his legs as they stood waiting for the tram.

“Rude.” Isak muttered, although he wasn’t really that bothered.  They couldn’t have talked about anything that major on a first meeting.  After that they settled into an easy quiet, both of them glancing around for any sign of the tram.

This time, when the pain shot through Isak’s abdomen he couldn’t do anything to hide his surprise.  He sucked in a shocked breath and doubled over, his hand coming up to the pained area and trying to apply enough pressure to make the pain go away.

“Isak?” Even doubled over with him and covered Isak’s hand with his own.  Even’s hand was much warmer, though, and it felt much better than his own hand.  “What happened?” Even asked worriedly as he pressed his hand to Isak’s pained stomach.

“It hurt.” Was all Isak could say as he took in a shaky breath.

It all happened very quickly after that.

Nausea hit Isak so hard that the little bit of food he had eaten that day made reappearance on the concrete and he swayed dangerously on his feet, only kept upright by Even quickly wrapping his arm around Isak’s midriff.

“Isak?!” Even’s voice sounded so far away, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that Isak’s ears felt like they had been stuffed with cotton wool.  His body felt so far away and he couldn’t make his mouth work to tell Even that he was pretty sure he was about to faint.

As the black blotted out his vision he was aware of his body going completely deadweight in Even’s arms and the ground rapidly coming up towards him.

And then he wasn’t aware of anything at all.

Chapter Text

The whole world seemed to slow down around him.  He hadn’t been expecting Isak to go completely slack, and Even only just managed to snap out of his shock in time to stop his boyfriend’s face slamming into the floor.  He secured his hold around Isak’s diaphragm and moved them away from Isak’s vomit before lowering them both onto the ground, figuring that Isak wouldn’t thank him for letting him sit in his own sick.

Not that Isak looked like he was going to be doing much talking.  Even cupped his boyfriend’s face and winced at the heat rolling off of Isak’s pale skin.  He tried to think back on what Isak had said, but this seemed extreme for flu.

Even’s heart felt like it was trying to crawl out of his throat and every hair on his body was standing upright.  All of his senses were telling him that something was really wrong.

He was dialling 112 before he even made the conscious decision to take Isak to hospital.

“112; what emergency service do you require?” The woman’s voice was too calm when Even felt like he was about to have a heart attack.

“Ambulance.” He just about managed to choke out, looking down at Isak’s face.  The tram pulled up and a few people got off, but none of them seemed to care about the two teenage boys on the floor.  Even wasn’t sure if he was relieved by that or not.

“What is your emergency?” The woman asked after a few seconds of the distinct sound of tapping.

“My boyfriend: he threw up and then he passed out in the street.  He’s not been drinking or anything.” Even added.  He couldn’t take his eyes away from Isak’s pale face.  He always looked so peaceful when he slept, but the sight of him right then did nothing but unsettle Even.

“Is he breathing?”

“Yeah, yeah, he just passed out.  He feels really hot too.” Even told her as he placed the backs of his fingers against Isak’s sweaty forehead.  Was he too hot?  Should he have been taking a layer off to help Isak cool down?

“Is he responding?” Was the next question, and Even realised with a start that he hadn’t even tried to wake Isak yet.

“Isak?  Baby?” He cupped one side of Isak’s face in his free hand and shook him gently, but apart from Isak’s eyes rolling under his eyelids he got nothing.  “Is?  C’mon, angel.” Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead before pressing their foreheads together, searching Isak’s face desperately for any sign of recognition.

“Are you still there?” The woman’s voice jarred Even out of his reverie of Isak’s face and he sat up.

“I’m here, sorry.  No, he’s not responding.” The lump in Even’s throat was starting to suffocate him.

“Okay, what is your location?” The woman asked and Even forced himself to look away from Isak to give her the tram stop number.

“An ambulance has been dispatched to your location; it should be there in a few minutes.  What’s your name?” The responder asked, taking Even by surprise.

“E-Even.” He replied instinctively, straining his ears for the sound of an ambulance even though he knew there was no way it would be there so soon.

“Okay, Even, do you know the recovery position?” The woman asked calmly and Even wished he could soak up some of that calm.

“I- I think so.” He could vaguely remember learning it a few years ago.

“I can talk you through it if you don’t feel comfortable.” She offered and Even took a breath.

“No, no it’s okay.  I can do it.  I just have to put my phone down for a second.” He put the woman on loud speaker and set his phone on the floor.  What he did next went against every instinct he had, but he did it anyway.

He slid Isak off of his lap and onto the ground.

He knelt in front of his boyfriend and after a few quick adjustments to Isak’s position he rolled him onto his side, making sure that Isak’s hand was protecting his face from the ground.  He was just picking his phone back up to tell the 112 woman that he’d got Isak in position when he heard the definite wailing of an ambulance siren.

“I think the ambulance is here.” Even never thought he’d be so happy to say that.

“Stay on the line until they get to you.” The woman advised as Even waved frantically to get the paramedics’ attention.  He didn’t want to leave Isak’s side to get the ambulance to notice them sooner; his baby just looked so vulnerable laid on the floor where Even had manoeuvred him.

“They see me!” Even almost cried with relief when the paramedics got out of the ambulance and hurried over to him.  “Thank you.” He said to the lady on the phone before hanging up and getting ready to talk to the paramedics.

Just like the lady on the phone, they were cool as cucumber.  The three of them introduced themselves – although their names went in one ear and out the other – and got Even and Isak’s names before they got down to business.

“How long has Isak been unconscious?” One asked.

“About five minutes?  Maybe a little bit more?” Was that really all it was?  Even felt like a decade had passed since Isak almost swayed right out of his arms.

When another paramedic knelt down next to Isak and took his wrist to feel for a pulse, Even had to force himself not to snap and snarl at them for touching his boyfriend when he was so vulnerable.  It scared Even more than he cared to admit: the way alpha tendencies, which hardly ever manifested in him, came out when Isak was involved.

“He’s bradycardic.” Even’s head snapped over to the paramedic who was holding onto Isak’s wrist.  “It just means that his heart is beating slower than we’d expect.” The guy explained when he saw the look on Even’s face.

“Has he taken any drugs?  He’s not going to be in trouble; we just need to know.” The female paramedic asked him and Even’s heart sunk as he saw the third medic bringing the stretcher over.

“No, nothing.” Even shook his head as Isak was loaded onto the stretcher.  The sight of his boyfriend’s head lolling lifelessly was almost enough to make Even throw up the little bit of food he’d eaten at KB.

“Is he on any medication?” The question startled Even out of his distressed focus on Isak’s limp body being wheeled away from him, and he was already walking after the stretcher when the medic got his attention.

“Medication?” Even repeated.  “He’s asthmatic, but he only takes his inhaler if he’s having an attack.  Oh, he’s on birth control?  Does that count?” Even wasn’t really sure what mattered and what didn’t at times like this and he hated it.  He hated that his lack of knowledge might hurt Isak’s health.

“Birth control?” One of the guys raised an eyebrow at him as Even sat in the family seat in the back of the ambulance.  Even raised an eyebrow back at him and a subtle scenting of the air told him that there were more sapiens than exquis’ in the ambulance.

“Yes, birth control.  He’s an omega.” Even hated that he had to divulge that information.  He hated that he promised Isak he would never out him, and now he had to tell three complete strangers Isak’s biggest secret.  It felt even worse to do it while Isak was unconscious not even a foot away from him, but what choice did Even have?

“Oh, okay.” The paramedics all exchanged a look and Even’s hackles immediately rose.

“What?” He snapped.

“Just so you know: there’s a protest going on near the hospital.  About exquis’.” The woman told him gently while the two guys attached Isak to various monitors.

“Great.” Even said numbly, unable to tear his eyes away from Isak’s heart monitor.  As long as that beeping kept going everything would be fine.

“Are we good to go?” The woman turned away from him and after a quick exchanging of information that Even didn’t really understand the two guys were moving into the front of the ambulance and they were off.

***

Even could hardly remember the ride to the hospital, but what he did remember was the awful sound of Isak retching again as they wheeled him into one of the bays in the emergency department.

He was also sure that for as long as he lived he would never forget the sound of people chanting exquis exit over and over outside the hotel across the street.  He was almost glad that Isak was still unconscious because he knew how much that would have gotten to him.

What was getting to Even, though, was that Isak hadn’t shown any sign of life since he fainted.  He needed to see Isak’s eyes; he needed to know that Isak was still in there.  He felt torn up inside.  He couldn’t tell if he was being overly dramatic or not, but his brain was screaming at him that he was missing something and that something was seriously fucking wrong with Isak.

He could hardly concentrate on the nurse asking him about Isak because he was so caught up inside his own head.

“His name’s Isak Valtersen.  Date of birth June 21^st 1999.” At least here Even could hold onto Isak’s hand, whereas in the ambulance the passenger seat had been too far from where Isak’s bed was secured in for Even to do much more than reach over and touch the rails.

“You told the paramedics that he was on birth control; do you know exactly what he uses?” The nurse asked and Even shook his head.

“I’ve never seen a box or anything; I’ve just seen the little pills.” Useless, Even, you’re totally fucking useless.

“What do they look like?” The nurse asked kindly, and Even closed his eyes to try to remember.

“About the size of a ten kroner?  White?” As he was saying it he already knew that that described most pills under the damn sun.  How did he know so little about the boy that he loved?

“Okay.” The nurse nodded, but Even could see that she had come to the same conclusion.  She left not long after that, saying something about contacting Isak’s next of kin, and Even was left alone with an unconscious boyfriend and an impending anxiety attack.

“What’s going on with you, baby?” Even whispered, gripping Isak’s hand tightly and pressing a kiss to the soft skin of its back.

He had no idea how long he stayed like that before his phone started buzzing in his pocket and he almost leapt out of his skin.  He didn’t recognise the number across his screen, but something told him that he should answer it.

“Hello?” He answered uncertainly.

“Even?”

“Eskild?” Even’s eyes widened.  Eskild had been the last person he expected to call him, especially after the whole morning-after-rut incident.

“I just got a phone call saying that Isak’s in hospital?  What the fuck happened at that meeting with his mother?” Eskild demanded.  God, it felt like eons to Even since they had all been sat in KB.

“He threw up and passed out at the tram stop.” Even felt so bone tired, he didn’t have the energy to tell Eskild much more than that.  “When you come, I need you to bring his pills so the doctors know what he takes.” Even added.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something, but he figured that eliminating Isak’s birth control as a cause would help the doctors a little bit.

“His pills?” Eskild repeated, clearly confused.

“He keeps them in his room.  Just bring them please; it’s important.” Even rubbed at his face as if he could rub away the stress.

“Okay, okay.  As soon as I’ve found them I’m coming straight there.  I’ll see you soon.” And with that Eskild hung up.  Even shoved his phone back in his pocket and went back to holding Isak’s hand in both of his, trying to seek some semblance of comfort from the feeling of Isak’s pulse beneath his fingertips.

For some reason, Eskild being Isak’s emergency contact made Even feel overwhelmingly sad for his baby’s family situation.

***

He had no idea how long he spent there, clutching at Isak’s hand and trying to will him awake, but eventually Eskild blustered in with a stressed looking nurse closely behind.

“Did you find his pills?” Even checked, not taking his eyes from Isak’s face.

“I’ve already given them to the nurse.  But, Even-”

“Not that we have consent from Isak’s next of kin we’re going to take some blood, okay boys?  That will give us a better idea of what’s going on in there.” The nurse interrupted Eskild, bustling past him and setting herself up on the other side of Isak’s bed.

“He hasn’t even moved.” Even said numbly.  How long had it been now since Isak fainted and there had still been no sign on life other than the beeping of his heart monitor?  Surely that wasn’t normal?

“He’s in the best place he can be now.” The nurse gave him a smile but it did nothing to reassure Even.  For the first time in what felt like years he looked away from Isak’s face and watched the nurse prep a patch of Isak’s arm for the needle.

As much as he wanted to look away, Even forced himself to watch as the nurse pushed the needle in with practiced ease and pulled out a sample of Isak’s blood.  She packed the needle away and pressed a plaster over the tiny hole in Isak’s arm in no time flat, but as she moved away from the bed she seemed to hesitate.

“I know you’re worried, Even, but he really is in the best place now.  Try not to worry yourself too much.” She offered him a sympathetic smile before disappearing back into the madness of the hospital.

“Even, I need to tell you something.” Honestly, Even wasn’t in the mood for the plight of a protective pixie right then, but the deathly serious tone of Eskild’s voice was what made him look away from Isak.

“Thanks for finding the pills-”

“Even, just shut the fuck up for a second.” Eskild snapped before putting a hand up and taking a deep breath.  “Sorry, sorry.  Stress and I don’t go well together.”

“We’re all stressed.” Even shrugged, turning his attention back to Isak.

“Listen, did Isak say what those pills were meant to be?” Eskild sounded so serious, so very adult, that Even almost shrunk at the tone.  It was easy to forget that Eskild was older than him and Isak with his usual carefree nature, but moments like this it was painfully clear.

“He did.” Even nodded.  “But it’s not really my place to tell you.” He added pointedly.

“Look, usually I’d commend your respect of Isak’s privacy, but this is fucking serious.  What did he say that they were?” Eskild demanded.

I’m so sorry, Isak.  Even thought it as hard as he could, hoping in vain that Isak would somehow hear him.

“They’re his birth control.” Even admitted, his stomach twisting up with guilt.  Now he had told four people the secret that Isak had kept for so long.  And not just any four people; now he’d told someone that Isak knew.  Someone that he lived with.

“Birth- what?” Eskild didn’t seem able to process that information.

“He’s an omega, Eskild.” Even closed his eyes, trying not to give in to the anxiety and guilt crawling up his throat at outing Isak like this.

“An omega.” Eskild repeated in surprise, and Even opened his eyes just in time to see Eskild’s face crumple.  He watched with a growing sense of dread as Eskild sat down on the opposite chair and took Isak’s other hand.

“Oh, baby gay.” Eskild said sadly, and Even felt his blood pressure rising with every passing second.  He had an awful feeling that whatever Eskild was going to tell him was going to yank the rug out from under him in the worst way possible.

“Even, there is no way in hell that those pills are birth control.” Eskild finally looked away from Isak’s pale face to meet Even’s gaze.

It was like everything slowed down around him as all the pieces fell together in Even’s brain, including that final piece that had been causing the nagging feeling in his brain of missing something.

There’s no way that those are birth control.

Finally, it all made sense.

Chapter Text

Blistering pain beneath his ribs was what eventually woke Isak.  One minute he was happily asleep, the next he felt like someone was running him through with a hot skewer.

From the moment he opened his eyes it was a flurry of movement.  He couldn’t make out anything the people around him were saying; all he could tell was that there were at least two people touching him but neither of them felt like Even.

As his senses slowly returned to his groggy brain he was able to deduce more and more:

• he was in a bed that he wasn’t familiar with
• he felt exhausted even though he had literally only just woken up, which made him think that he had had a really long sleep
• there was something uncomfortable in the back of one of his hands
• something nearby was beeping annoyingly
• there were multiple voices around him and they were using a lot of words, but none of them were talking to him

With those few scraps of sensory info he could only assume he was in a hospital.  He tried to think back to when he fell asleep but his brain was frustratingly blank.  He remembered introducing Even to his mum, but after that it was all blank.

He hated it.

At least those people – probably nurses, he guessed – had stopped touching him now and their voices weren’t clogging up his brain anymore.

“Where…” His voice trailed off, exhaustion hitting him hard in the chest.

“You’re in the hospital, Isak.” A voice from his right answered his unfinished question.

Eskild?

“Even?” Isak felt dead tired, and apparently that was limiting him to monosyllabic communication.  He just about managed to turn his head to look at Eskild.

He looked like hell.

“He’s been here the whole time.  He’s just coming back from the canteen now.” Eskild’s voice was so calm but Isak could feel his anxiety mounting.  The beeping – his heart monitor, he guessed – was getting faster and Isak’s chest was starting to feel tight.

“Isak?!”

Even.

“Fuck, baby, it’s so good to see you awake.” Even appeared from behind Eskild and the tears sprung instantly to Isak’s eyes.

“Ev-” He tried to reach out to his boyfriend but his arms felt so heavy.

“Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” Even shushed him.  Isak could hardly see through the tears; all he knew for sure was that he was tired and scared and he had no idea what was going on and it was just too much to wake up to.  Even’s hands framed his face and Isak could feel thumbs wiping the tears from under his eyes.

“T-time?” Isak stuttered through his tears.

“It’s a little after one.” Even said hesitantly.  “On Tuesday.”

Tuesday?  But…that meant that he’d been asleep since Saturday?  That couldn’t be right.

“Do you remember what happened?” Eskild asked him, and Isak shook his head.

“Coffee…with mum.” It was exhausting to talk, but he tried.

“Do you remember anything after KB?” Even asked and Isak shook his head again.

“You passed out at the tram stop.  Even had to phone an ambulance.” Eskild filled him in.

“Flu.” Isak remembered feeling all sorts of weird after school broke up.

“No, Is, it’s not flu.” Even’s voice hardened and Isak felt his heart trip over itself.

“Even, don’t.” Eskild said warningly, and Isak’s fear quadrupled.

“No, Eskild, he needs to know that it’s not alright.” Even snapped.

“What?” Isak’s heart had never gone so fast.  He swore that the walls were closing in on him, but he had no idea why.

And then Even made the world screech to a halt.

“I know about your pills, Isak.”

Isak’s brain immediately scrambled for a lie, but to buy himself some time he looked at Even and then pointedly glanced over at Eskild.  Don’t talk about this in front of him; he doesn’t know anything, he tried to tell Even with his eyes.

“Eskild knows you’re an omega.  He was the one who worked out that your pills were actually illegal suppressants.” Even’s voice cut right through him, but Isak could hardly feel it because the sensation of his world falling apart around him was numbing him nicely.

“What were you thinking?” Even continued.  “They were banned for a reason, Isak!  How did you – you, all of people! – not know that?  Or did you just decide that life threatening side effects were worth it to keep your secret?”

Even was genuinely angry at him and it was making his skin crawl.  Everything in side of him felt wrong about being on the receiving end of alpha rage again, but Isak wasn’t a kid anymore.  He wasn’t going to be a victim again.

“You can’t talk!” Isak managed to draw enough strength to snap back at Even.  “You rely on drugs too; I saw them!”

“What are you talking about?” Even’s anger faltered and Isak could see that he had hit a nerve.  Good.

“Valmotrimate.” Isak spat.  “Don’t try to act like you’re better than me.  I’m an omega and you’re crazy.” He hissed.

Even recoiled like Isak had slapped him, and that was when Eskild intervened again.

“That’s enough, both of you.” Eskild snapped.  Isak’s blood was still boiling as he watched Eskild stand up and yank Even away from the bed.

“You go and calm down.  Don’t come back until you can keep yourself in check.” And with that Eskild pushed Even out of the room.  Isak was about to thank him when Eskild whirled around to face him, and Isak realised that he was in trouble too.

“And you!” Eskild looked furious.  “What do you think you’re doing?  Do you know how worried Even and I have been about you since you collapsed?” He demanded, and Isak shook his head minutely.

“No, you don’t, because you’ve been out cold in that bed for almost 72 hours!” Eskild took a deep breath in through his nose before continuing.  “We didn’t know if you were even going to wake up.  This is serious, Isak.  What you’ve done to your body…fuck, I’m angry too.” Eskild wilted, crumpling back down into his chair.

“What were you thinking taking those pills, Isak?” Eskild looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes that it zapped all the fury from Isak’s blood.

“I- it’s not safe, being what I am.” Isak’s heart was beating painfully fast.  Everything had unravelled so quickly around him; he felt like everything had been turned upside down and inside out while he was asleep.  Eskild knew his secret, Even was mad at him, and nothing was like it used to be.

“So you’d rather kill yourself slowly?” The harshness of Eskild’s voice made Isak cringe.

“What?  Is that too real for you?  Because that’s what’s going to happen if you keep going like this, Isak!  And what happens to the rest of us after you’ve died from your self-inflicted damages?” Isak got the feeling that was a rhetorical question and he kept his mouth shut.

“I’ll be devastated.  Your friends will feel guilty for the rest of their lives that they didn’t notice something was up with you.  And what about your mother?  Your omega mother will have to live with the fact that her only son would rather die than share her status.” Eskild was clearly trying to kill him with guilt, and it was working.

“And what about Even?” Eskild gave Isak a hard look that had Isak shrinking into himself.  “He was there when you collapsed, and he had to deal with that all by himself.  He phoned the ambulance and made sure you got to the hospital, because he could just tell that something was wrong.  You think he took any pleasure in telling the doctors that you were an omega?  Let me tell you, Isak, he was beating himself up hard about having to out you without your consent.  I can’t tell you how many times he sat next to your bed crying over the last few days.” Eskild ranted.

“I didn’t-”

“No, of course you didn’t mean to put him in that position.” Eskild interrupted, apparently now a mind reader.  “But you did.  He had to choose between keeping your secret and saving your life.  He only told me that you were an omega because I was the one who had to bring your pills in for the doctors to check and I pretty much figured it out on my own.”

“And then what did you do, minutes after waking up?  You threw it all back in his face, and then to top it all off you called him crazy.  You of all people should know better than to use that word.” Eskild looked so fucking disappointed in him and it was killing him.

He had fucked up so badly.

“He’s bipolar.  That’s what the drugs are for.” Isak whispered, his eyes filling.  “Fuck.  That wasn’t how I wanted to tell him that I knew.  He’s going to hate me and he’d be totally right.” Isak buried his face in his hands.

He was completely overwhelmed.  His life felt like it was rapidly unravelling around him, he had done what was sure to be irreparable damage to his relationship with Even, and apparently three and a bit years of suppressant taking was catching up with him.

How had he thought he could outrun what he was?

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as he thought about it all and he could hear his heart monitor broadcasting to the world how painfully fast his heart was beating.  A nurse seemed to appear from nowhere and something was being put into his IV before he could protest.

He could feel the liquid spreading through him.

And then he was gone.

***

When Isak woke up again it took him a couple of minutes to remember everything, and when he did he couldn’t stop the tears that welled up in his eyes.

“Isak?” Even’s voice came from somewhere nearby and Isak’s heart immediately started beating double time in response.

“Ev…” The tiredness in his chest was back but he tried to fight through it.  “M’sorry, m’so so sorry.” The tears came quickly and he moved to reach out to Even before remembering that his touch might not be welcomed any more, which only made him cry harder.

“I know, I know.” Even took his hand, which made him cry even harder.

“I shouldn’t…have said it…  You’re not…crazy.” Between the exhaustion weighing in his chest and his crying Isak just about managed to get his words out.  “You should…hate me.” He added tearfully, trying to take his hand out of Even’s.

He didn’t deserve it.

He was a liar and he had lashed out at Even just because he had been scared.

“Oh, I’m still really mad at you, Isak.  Don’t think I’m not.  But now isn’t the time.  We can have this fight later.  Right now you need to get better.” Even tightened his hold on Isak’s hand and Isak felt like it was the only thing in the world stopping him from shaking apart.

After a few minutes of desperate silence, Isak finally asked what had been on his mind.

“I’m r-really sick, aren’t I?” He stuttered through his tears.

“Yeah, baby, you are.” Isak could barely look at Even’s tear stained face.  He had done that. He was the reason Even had been crying.

“W-where’s Eskild?” Isak couldn’t stop shaking, even after Even gave him the blanket from his own chair and placed it gently on top of Isak’s existing pile of blankets.

“He needed some time to think.  He’ll be back, though, he said.” Even told him, squeezing his hand gently.

“Where’s the d-doctor?” Isak couldn’t remember seeing any doctor in his brief snatches of consciousness, but clearly someone had spoken to Eskild and Even while he was asleep.

“Are you ready to see him?” Even’s response was almost immediate, reinforcing to Isak how serious the situation must have been.

I am nowhere near ready to know what I’ve done to myself.

“Yes.” Isak lied.

“I’ll go get him.” Even stood up and kissed his forehead, and the smoothness of Even’s lips made Isak realise how greasy and oily his skin felt.  Suddenly a shower jumped 12 places up his list of priorities.

He tried not to think about how disgusting he felt while he waited for Even to come back, but it was difficult when there was nothing to distract him.  He settled for counting the dots speckled around the ceiling and he was getting close to 200 when he heard footsteps approaching his room.

“Mr Valtersen, you’re awake!” The doctor gave him a smile but Isak wasn’t really sure how he was meant to respond.

“Is, this is Dr Eriksen.  He’s an omega specialist.” Even introduced him as he sat on the edge of Isak’s bed and took his hand again.

An omega specialist.  It still unsettled Isak deeply that people he didn’t even know in this hospital knew that he was an omega.

“Okay.” He nodded, unable to look over at the doctor.  Somehow seeing the man would just make it more real and Isak just wasn’t ready for that.

“I haven’t seen a case like this in a long time, Isak.” Dr Eriksen began, and Isak’s heart sunk.  “If I’m honest I had hoped never to see another case like it.” The man sighed.

“Okay.” Isak muttered.  He didn’t need to be guilt-tripped by the doctor as well as everyone else.  He knew that everyone thought he was a fucking idiot, but that was easy for them to say when none of them were male omegas.

“Suppressants are a very dangerous type of drug; they disturb your body’s natural chemistry, and after prolonged use they do become toxic.” At the word toxic Isak gripped Even’s hand tighter.

“With your alpha’s consent we’ve been running tests while you were unconscious to determine just how much damage has been done.” Dr Eriksen continued, and Even shot him an apologetic glance.

“And…how bad is it?” Isak’s stomach felt all tied in knots and he hated it.

“Unfortunately the damage is severe.  Both your liver and kidneys appear to be shutting down.  Your case isn’t quite the longest exposure to those drugs that I have seen, but it is close.  Back in the nineties when these drugs were initially banned it was because symptoms had been appearing in omegas after less than a year, so you can imagine the damage that has been done in three years.”

Isak felt like he was falling.  He couldn’t hear properly and his heart was racing violently in his chest.

His liver and both of his kidneys were failing.

“Breathe, baby, just keep breathing.” Even’s voice eventually broke through the anxiety fog that had engulfed Isak’s brain and he tried to calm his breathing down.  After a few big breaths his hearing started coming back and he stared at Even with huge eyes.

“There’s more.” Even kissed the back of his hand, a sympathetic look on his face, and Isak looked over at the doctor in a daze.

“I thought I had the flu.” Isak said dumbly, unable to think of anything else.  His brain felt stuck; unable to process this new information.

“Yes, a lot of the warning signs of liver and kidney failure are similar to flu.  You probably felt nauseas and tired and feverish?  And a sharp pain below your right ribs?” Dr Eriksen clearly got his answer from the look on Isak’s face because he didn’t press Isak any further.

That sounded exactly like how Isak had been feeling for months.

“So…what do I do now?” Isak’s voice came out suspiciously thick but no one called him out on it.

“What do we do now?” Even corrected quietly, bringing Isak’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss there.

“The first thing to do is to stop taking the drug.  Usually we advise against quitting a drug cold turkey, but this is an extreme case.  Your body will most likely go into shock at the sudden stopping of the drug.” The doctor began.  Isak felt his stomach swoop at the thought of not being on suppressants.

“I- I’ve never not been on them.” Isak whispered.  He could already see it: letting his omega genes flourish and being harassed by alphas constantly and no longer being in control of his own body.

“Isak,” Dr Eriksen sat next to his bed, and he looked so serious that Isak honestly felt a little bit scared.  “Have you ever had a heat cycle?”

“No.” Isak blushed furiously.  “I went on the suppressants a few days after I presented.”

“Okay.” The doctor wrote something down in his file at that, which made Isak’s heart clench nervously.

“So, the first thing is to stop taking suppressants.  What’s the next?” Even prompted.  Isak got the feeling that Even already knew all of this and was just trying to move the conversation along for Isak’s sake.

“Next is dialysis to filter to toxin out of your blood, as your kidneys are no longer able to do that themselves.  Due to the nature of your case, I’d like you to stay in the hospital for the next few weeks while your body deals with quitting cold turkey and you have the dialysis treatment.” Dr Eriksen told him.

“I’ll be here for Christmas.” Isak realised, glancing over at Even.

“Yeah, baby, you will.” Even nodded, giving him a small smile.  “All that matters is that you get better, though.  We can always postpone Christmas until all of this is behind us.” Even offered and Isak nodded weakly.

“What about treatment for my liver?” Isak realised and looked back at the doctor.

“Usually we would prescribe a counter-drug, but no such drug exists in this case.  Your recovery will depend on how well your body copes with quitting cold turkey and how successful the dialysis is.  We’ll be screening you frequently for any signs of infection while your body is so compromised.” Dr Eriksen looked between him and Even and Isak was sure he could see pity in the doctor’s grey eyes.

“I have to tell you, that even if dialysis is 100% successful your kidneys will most likely never be as strong as they used to be.” Isak nodded, having figured as much out for himself.

“Your life may never be the same again, Isak.” Dr Eriksen told him gravely.  “Especially taking into consideration how quickly you went onto the suppressants.  Your body would not have finished its natural changes after a mere few days; once you’ve flushed the drug out completely you will probably find that your body will start changing as it was meant to when you presented.  Your omega channel will open, your scent glands will start working, and after a few months you may even have your first heat.”

Isak’s face was positively flaming.  He’d rather go back to the discussion of his imminent death than think about his omega channel and heats.

“Your body will need time to establish its own cycles; you won’t be able to start birth control for at least six months after your first heat.” Isak balked at that, and he could feel Even do the same next to him.

“Unfortunately, one of the other side effects of long term suppressant use was a steep decline in fertility.  You may never be able to conceive a child, or carry to full term.  These drugs really were incredibly dangerous, Isak.  They were banned for a reason.” Dr Eriksen stood up at that, and Isak’s insides squirmed at the feeling of being reprimanded.

“How soon can we start?” Even asked seriously.  When Isak looked over at him he could see determination burning in his boyfriend’s bright blue eyes, and it soothed some of his fear to see Even so ready to fight this fight.

“We can start treatment tomorrow.” Dr Eriksen nodded.  He looked between Isak and Even once more before continuing.  “I must warn you both: this will not be easy.  The next few weeks are going to be very hard, and there’s no guarantee that it will work.” Eriksen said it with the resignation of someone who had seen a lot of cases where treatment didn’t work, and it made Isak’s heart sink.

“Nothing that’s worth doing is easy.” Even shrugged.  “See you tomorrow, Doc.”

Chapter Text

Thankfully Eriksen left them alone after that, and Even was able to focus on Isak.  He wasn’t sure how Isak was going to take the news; considering that when Even found out the day before he had punched a wall and then broken down crying on Eskild’s shoulder, Even wasn’t expecting Isak’s reaction to be pretty.

“Shit.” Was all Isak said, his voice so quiet that Even almost missed it.

He didn’t miss what Isak said next though.

“Guess that’s karma, huh?” Isak laughed humourlessly, but Even could see the hurt in his eyes.

“It’s not karma because you didn’t deserve this.  No one deserves this.” Even disagreed vehemently, but he could see that Isak was unconvinced.

“I called you crazy.” Isak whispered, finally looking at Even and not just around him.  “I didn’t mean it, I-”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” Even interrupted.  “But it was still a shit thing to say.  A really shit thing to say.”

“I know.” Isak cast his eyes down and Even could practically smell the shame.

“I have to ask,” Even began after a minute of uncomfortable silence.  “How did you find out?” Even had been so careful about where he kept his pills and when he took them when Isak was around.

“I…I looked in your bathroom cabinet.  I saw the box with your name on and I got all worked up worrying that something was seriously wrong with you, so I wrote down the name of your pills and I- I googled it at home and all this stuff about treating mood disorders in hom-ex people came up and I found this article about bipolar and then I felt like such a sleaze for creeping on you like that and I decided to just let you tell me on your own.” Even was sure that Isak didn’t take a single breath at all during his rushed explanation, and the heart monitor next to Isak’s bed was beeping faster than it had been a few minutes ago.

“Wow.” Even pressed his lips together as he took that in.  Isak had snooped on his closed cabinet.  “That was…really shitty, Isak.” Even looked over at his boyfriend, who looked like he was hoping for the ground to swallow him whole.

“I know; I felt so awful for it.” Isak swallowed, not meeting Even’s gaze.

“It was my secret to tell.” Even took a deep breath to try to calm himself down, but honestly there was so much anger in him right then.

He was angry at Isak for taking those damn pills and almost killing himself, and for invading Even’s privacy, and he was devastated that he would have to live with the memory of the screwed up angry look on Isak’s face when he hissed that Even was crazy.

He was angry at himself for not seeing the signs sooner and for believing Isak’s lies and for getting so mad at his boyfriend when he was lying helpless in a hospital bed because the world had made him so afraid to just be himself.

None of it was fair.

“I know it was.  And I know I’ll never be able to make it up to you and that you have every right to hate me forever, but even if you do hate me forever I want you to know that I regret it more than anything I’ve ever done.  Including almost killing myself.” Isak smiled weakly but Even shuddered at those words leaving Isak’s lips.

“Don’t joke about that, Isak.” He shook his head and Isak’s weak smile faded to nothing.

“I really am sorry, Even.  I’ll understand if you want to leave.” Isak’s eyes dropped from his once again and he started picking at a thread on his top blanket.

“I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to need someone to help you get through this, and I’ll be damned if that someone isn’t me.” Even covered Isak’s hand with his own and tried to will Isak’s eyes to rise to meet his.

“Don’t stay just because I got sick before we had this fight.” Isak’s voice was strong, but he still wouldn’t look at Even.

“I meant what I said at KB, you know.” When Isak didn’t say anything, Even continued.  “I love you, Isak.  You’ve made a lot of mistakes but I’m not a saint either.  You were scared and alone, but I’m here to tell you that you are not alone.  I’m going to stay right here for as long as you’ll let me.”

Isak’s eyes finally rose and Even made sure that he had Isak’s full attention before he continued.

“But don’t ever call me crazy or snoop on me again, Isak.  Give me time to tell you things on my own or the next time I leave I won’t be coming back.”

“I promise.” Isak nodded so quickly that Even was pretty sure he heard the boy’s neck crack, but he didn’t comment on it.

“And I’m sorry I tried to guilt you about taking those drugs.  I don’t like it even a little bit, but I understand why you felt like you had to.” Even squeezed Isak’s hand gently and Isak gave him a sad smile.

“Thanks.”

“Now that’s out of the way, how about we get you a shower?” Even offered.  He knew how funny Isak was maintaining his personal cleanliness and that he was probably screaming inside about the state he was currently in.  As much as Even loved his boyfriend, even he had to admit that Isak smelt pretty funky.

“Yes, please.” Isak’s face relaxed with relief, and just like that the air was clear between them again.

It involved a lot of effort on both their parts and some careful manoeuvring of Isak’s IV, but between the two of them they successfully got Isak clean in the ward’s shower that a kind nurse had shown Even on Monday evening when he had been making the whole ward stink of stressed alpha.

Thankfully Even’s mum had packed him a bag full of clothes and bath stuff, so Isak got to use some proper shower gel and then get changed into some of Even’s clothes.

Even didn’t miss the way Isak tried to bury his face in his own shoulder to breathe in Even’s scent from the borrowed shirt.

They made their way slowly back to Isak’s room – where he’d been moved Monday morning at Eriksen’s request – and the same kind nurse from Monday offered to wash their clothes and bring them back.  After giving him the clothes Even helped Isak get back into his bed and then hopped up next to his boy.

Isak immediately shuffled closer to him and Even wrapped his arms around Isak as if he could protect him.  Not much good this will do when all the danger is INSIDE of him, Even thought to himself.

He just hugged Isak tighter.

“I’m scared, Ev.” Isak whispered as they lay together in the hospital bed.

“Me too, baby.” Even sighed, hiding his face in Isak’s damp curls.  “But we’ll fight this with everything we’ve got.” Even promised, rubbing Isak’s back in slow circles.  Isak fell asleep soon after, leaving Even alone with the looming possibility that he really might lose Isak in the next few weeks if the treatment didn’t work.

How could he ever be ready for that?

***

The day after Eriksen gave Isak his prognosis the wheels were put into motion for treatment.  Isak’s heart was tested for any disease or abnormality, because – much to Even’s horror – dialysis could damage a person’s heart and they had to check the condition of Isak’s heart before starting treatment.

Even had almost cried during the echocardiogram when he could see Isak’s heart.

He had held onto Isak’s hand so tightly and together they watched as Isak’s heart did its job pretty much perfectly.  When Isak had looked over at him and whispered I love you I love you I love you in time with his heartbeats Even definitely felt a few tears slip down his cheeks.

They day after that, Isak started dialysis.  He’d had to have a minor surgery on his arm to create an access point, but when Eriksen had been explaining it to them it had made Even feel squirmy and uncomfortable so he couldn’t really remember the particular details of the surgery.  Isak seemed to get it, though, which was all that mattered.

Both of them found it immensely unsettling to watch Isak’s blood leave his body to go through the dialysis machine, so they worked hard to distract each other through that first four hour session.

The first thing that had to be done now that Isak had started his treatment was telling people that Isak was sick.  Isak had agreed with Even that people needed to know, so they understood when he didn’t show up to any planned meetings, but had insisted that there was no need to include the detail of Isak’s true status.

Even hated being the one to have to tell the news that Isak was sick, but Isak was in no state to talk to anyone while he was dealing with detox.  So Even had Isak’s story (Isak had been getting sick and hiding it; no mention of being an omega or taking suppressants) and the job of sharing it with Isak’s friends and family.

Telling Marianne, somehow, made the whole situation so much worse.

She had cried on the phone, even more so when Even had to explain that Isak didn’t want any visitors and he was planning to see everyone after he was discharged.  So not only was her only child potentially dying, but she wasn’t allowed to visit.  Even didn’t tell Isak, but he promised Marianne that he would call her again if it became clear that the treatment wasn’t going to work so that she could say goodbye.

They were both crying by the end of the phone call.

The next people to tell were Isak’s small group of friends.  Isak let Even borrow his phone for that one, and Even recorded a video of himself explaining the situation (or most of it) to send into the group chat because Even couldn’t bear the thought of typing it all out and having it be so real.  Something about typing it out and having it there to be screenshot or reread made the whole thing too concrete and he hated it.

Understandably Isak’s friends were all shocked.  Immediately the chat was clamouring with demands of which hospital Isak was in and when they could visit, and Even sent a short but firm text restating that Isak didn’t want visitors and that he would go see them once he was discharged.

Just like with Marianne, Even promised to send another message if it looked like Isak wasn’t going to make it and they needed to come say goodbye.

Just like with Marianne, Even was crying by the end.

***

Isak’s first dialysis session was on a Thursday, and because it could be done three times a week Eriksen had also scheduled him in for Sunday and Tuesday claiming that Isak’s was a top priority case.

Sunday was going to be Christmas day, and Isak was adamant that Even should spend it with his family.

“I’m not leaving you here all by yourself.  It’s only going to be your second session; you shouldn’t do it alone.” Even had disagreed immediately.

“I’m not going to be alone.  Eskild can be here, and there’s going to be loads of staff around.  You have a family to go home to.  You’ve been here the whole time, Ev; Sunday would make it a whole week that you’d not gone home.  And going to get a sleepover bag of stuff does not count!” Isak added when he saw Even open his mouth to protest.

“Think about Elise.” Isak added softly.  It was a low blow and they both knew it.  “She’s still so little; Christmas day is exciting for her.  You don’t want to miss those Christmases and then regret it when she’s older and the magic is gone.”

“There are a few more years before that happens.” Even shook his head.

“Just fucking go home, Even!  I shouldn’t have to force you to go see your family.  You’ve been here all week; I’m not going to die if you go home for a day.” Isak snapped, but seconds after the words were out of his mouth Even watched his boy’s face fall.

Irritability was one of the easier to deal with side effects of detoxing.

“Sorry.” Isak muttered, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands.  “Just go home, Even.  Please.  You can come back on Monday.”

Even still wasn’t convinced.

“I swear that Eskild will text you if something happens.” Isak huffed, clearly reluctant to make that promise.  In the end, though, that was what convinced Even to go home.

He kissed Isak goodbye on the Saturday evening, and despite all of his fight to get Even to go home Even could see the sadness in Isak’s eyes.

“I love you.” Isak mumbled against his lips before they broke apart.

“Don’t say it like it’s a goodbye.” The lump in Even’s throat was painful.  “I’ll see you on Monday; we’ll have our own little Christmas.” Even promised.  And with that, he walked out of the ward and out of the hospital even though every instinct he had was screaming at him to turn around and go back.

He somehow managed to keep it together on his commute home, but the moment he got home and saw his mother’s worried face waiting for him he fell apart.  The sob broke out of him before the door had even closed behind him, and his mum moved with superhuman speed.

Her arms were around him before he could suck in another breath, and he pressed his face into her neck to try to hide the sounds of his heart breaking.

“What if I lose him, mama?” He choked out, trying to bury his face in her mating mark to soothe himself.  He hadn’t done that since he was a child, but his mother didn’t comment.

“Then we’ll be here for you.” She promised, cupping the back of his head like she used to when he was little.

“I can’t lose him.  I can’t.”

***

As promised, Even went back to the hospital on Monday morning.

Seeing his family again had been good, and he’d tried his best to keep appearances up for Elise so he didn’t ruin Christmas day for her.  It had been a knife through his heart when she ran up to him and said she missed him, but when he explained where he’d been – the child friendly version – she immediately wanted to make Isak a get well soon card.

It was tucked safely in the case of his tablet so it didn’t get bent or squashed by anything in his bag.

“Ev!” Isak seemed happy to see him, which was a good sign.

“Hey, baby.” Even’s smile came naturally, just from seeing Isak again.  “Where’s Eskild?” Even glanced around as he set his bag down.

“He had to go back to work today, so he went home last night.” Isak tilted his chin up for a kiss and Even gave in instantly.

“I love you, angel.” Even whispered when they moved apart.  “How are you feeling?  How was dialysis?” He asked as he got up onto Isak’s bed and cuddled his boy close.

“Tired and hot.  And dialysis was still weird.” Isak laid his head on Even’s shoulder, giving Even a good vantage point to watch his face.  Isak did look pale and exhausted, which made Even’s heart clench.

“At least you weren’t alone.” Even kissed Isak’s temple gently.  “Did Eskild keep you distracted?”

“Yeah, we watched porn bloopers.” Isak said casually, making Even splutter.

“What?”

“That was how I reacted too.  I didn’t even realise those were a thing.  It felt kind of ridiculous, but it worked.  I didn’t really think about what was happening to me.” Isak was blushing like a little tomato.

“I’m glad it worked then.” Even chuckled, playing with some of Isak’s sweaty curls.

“How was your Christmas?” Isak was practically melting against Even’s side.

“Quiet.  Elise was excited though; she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.”

“That’s good.” Isak nodded, bringing his hand up and resting it over Even’s heart.

“She actually made you a get well soon card.” Even smiled, and when Isak sat up and grinned at him his smile widened.

“She did?  Can I see?” Isak looked adorably excited.

“It’s nothing amazing.” Even warned as he stretched his arm down to the floor to grab at his bag.

“I’ve never been given a get well soon card!” Isak was almost vibrating with excitement as Even pulled his tablet out to retrieve the card.  Isak took it carefully – like it was something delicate, and not a card from a toddler made on sturdy card – and his eyes crinkled at the simple design on the front.

Even had stuck a plaster onto the front of the card and let Elise glue googly eyes to the top before he gave it some arms and legs.

“Elise wanted him to be carrying balloons; she insisted.” Even told him casually, sensing that this card might actually be a big deal to Isak.

“Everyone knows you get sick people balloons.” Isak agreed.  He opened the card and shot Even a questioning look.

“She obviously can’t write yet.” Even rolled his eyes.  “I told her to write her message inside; AKA she coloured a bit and then told me what it said and I wrote it underneath.” He explained.

“Fuck off, that’s so cute.” Isak looked a little bit teary eyed, which made Even suspect that detox was still making Isak an emotional wreck.

Elise’s card got pride of place on Isak’s bedside table, and even got posted to instagram with the caption my boyfriend’s sister is the cutest.

“I got you something too.” Even told him once Isak had calmed down from Elise’s card.

“But I don’t have anything for you!” Isak immediately looked panicked.

“It’s nothing big, don’t worry.” Even shook his head and grabbed the little wrapped present out of his bag.

“Merry Christmas, angel.” He smiled.  Isak looked at him uncertainly so Even nodded his head at the present to encourage Isak to open it.  Isak unwrapped it carefully, reminding Even of those people who insisted on reusing wrapping paper, and looked at the flat square box for a few seconds before lifting the lid off.

“Ev…” Isak trailed off when he looked inside.  “It’s really nice.”

“I got it at that Christmas market we went to.  I found it when I took Elise and I made sure that we didn’t go past that stall.” Even admitted, making Isak laugh.

“So sly.”

“I know, I know.” Even pretended to take a bow, even though it was difficult on the bed all tangled with Isak.  He lifted the black silicone bracelet out of the box and showed Isak the back of the stainless steel heart where he had got his own initials carved into the back.

“I got you this so you’d remember that you have my heart.” Even dipped his head and kissed Isak more gently than he had ever kissed anyone.  Isak’s hand was already resting over his heart, so he placed his hand on top of Isak’s so he could feel Even’s heart beating in his chest.

“This heart only beats for you, baby.” Even pressed another kiss to Isak’s sweet lips before breaking away to clasp the bracelet around Isak’s wrist, making sure not to cover up Isak’s medical bands.

“I love it.  I love you.” Isak was giving him that love drunk look that made Even’s head spin and his heart race.  “Merry Christmas, Evy.  Next year I promise we won’t spend it in hospital.” Isak lay his head down on Even’s chest, but before Even could think of anything to say he realised that Isak had fallen asleep on him.

“Please be here next year.” Even barely whispered it, staring at Isak’s face desperately.

I can’t lose you.

***

The next few weeks were – undoubtedly – the hardest of both of their lives.

***

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it, Ev, I can’t do it.” Isak’s breathing was way too fast and he was trying to pull at the access line in his arm.

“Baby, stop.  You’re going to hurt yourself.” Even’s heart was racing in his chest at the thought of the blood fountain that would most likely spurt out of Isak’s arm if he succeeded.

“I can’t do it.  Even, it’s wrong, it’s wrong!  Blood is meant to be in your body!” Isak was freaking himself out into a full blown panic attack.  His blood pressure, which usually dropped a bit during dialysis, was climbing steadily higher.

“It’s okay, Isak, it’s okay.” Even cupped Isak’s face and forced him to look away from the machine that was causing him so much distress.  “Look at me.” He kept his eyes trained on Isak’s until he was sure that Isak was really looking at him.

“It’s just cleaning your blood and then giving it back.  It’s making you better.  I wouldn’t let them just steal your blood.” He tried to keep his voice even and calm even though he was terrified.

“I don’t want to be sick any more; I want to go home.” Isak’s face crumpled and Even surged closer to support Isak as he slumped forwards in his chair.

Isak’s sobs cut deeper than any needle.

***

“I hate you!” Isak shouted, pushing at Even’s chest.

“Isak!” Even tried to protest, but he could feel the tears burning in his eyes.

“You don’t get to cry!  You ruined my life!” Isak was screaming now and it was shattering Even’s heart.  “If you’d just left me alone my body would have never tried to be more omega!  I would have just taken my pills and no one would have ever known!  You did this to me!” Isak pushed him again, and this time Even let himself be shoved backwards rather than stand his ground.

“Without you I’d have been able to just die in peace!” Isak screeched.  “But no, I get to suffer and be in all this fucking pain because you made my body turn against me and made my pills stop working and you won’t just let me die!  Why do I have to be the one in all the pain, Even?  Why can’t you take some of it?” Isak demanded.

That was when the nurses came in, bustling Even out of the room with practised ease.

“They never mean what they say when they’re detoxing.” One of them said sympathetically, but Even was already walking to the family room to cry in peace.

***

“It hurts so much.” Isak sobbed into Even’s shirt.

“I know, baby, I know.” Even tried to soothe him, but Eriksen had said that it was common for people to become more sensitive to pain during detox and he didn’t want his touch to cause Isak even more pain.

“When is it gonna stop?” Isak’s whole body was shaking.  Not that there was much left to him; Isak had totally lost his appetite since being admitted and the weight had just kept dropping off of him.

“I don’t know, angel, I’m sorry.” Even was trying his best not to cry.

“I just want it to stop.” Isak sobbed, trying to curl himself up even smaller against Even’s side.

Even’s heart was well and truly broken in his chest, which may have been why he tried what he tried next even though he was sure it was something that only worked in old wives tales.

He placed one hand over Isak’s racing heart and nestled his face in the soft skin of Isak’s throat where their mating bite would be if they ever took that step, and he closed his eyes and tried to open his mind.  It took a couple of minutes to tune out the sound of Isak crying, but once he did he actually began to feel something.

Please let this work.  He didn’t even know who he was praying to.  Please let me help him.

“E-Ev!” Isak sucked in a stuttering breath just as Even felt a wave of calm rush through him.

“Thank you.  Thank you.” Isak was still crying, but the shaking was slowing.

Thank you, universe.

***

“I love you.” Isak slurred, looking at Even with glassy eyes.  He was running a fever of almost 39.6° and it was killing Even to be so helpless.

“I love you too.” He murmured as he slowly ran the cool cloth across Isak’s forehead.

“If- if I die…” Isak seemed to lose his train of thought for a few seconds before catching up again.  “I’ll wait for you.” He fumbled for Even’s hand, which had frozen the moment Isak had mentioned dying.

“I’ll wait for you in the next life.” Isak looked him in the eye; he looked the most lucid he had in two days.

“And I’d find you.” Even promised thickly.

***

“Progress is slow, but steady.  You are making progress, Isak.” Eriksen told them one early January morning.

“I’m getting better?” Isak looked exhausted and Even felt like he’d been put through a meat grinder from just being on the sidelines.  Was the end really in sight?

“I don’t want to jinx anything, but the results are promising.  We’ll continue with the treatment as we have been, but if your test results keep improving like this you could be home by the end of the month.”

“Oh my god.” Even could feel the tears welling up in his eyes at the thought.  He was starting to forget what Isak looked like out of a hospital environment.

“Thank you.” Isak’s lip trembled.  It was just the tiniest motion, but Even caught it and knew that Isak was feeling just as worn out and emotional as he was if not more.

“I’m so proud of you, angel.” Even cried happily once Eriksen left them to themselves again.

“You saved my life.” Isak was shaking all over and looking at Even with so much awe that Even couldn’t resist getting up on the bed and snuggling up to his worn out boyfriend.

“No, I didn’t.” Even shook his head and pressed a kiss to the top of Isak’s head.  “You’re so strong all by yourself.  You got better. And I’m so fucking glad.” Even laughed wetly.

“You help me be strong.” Isak whispered into the hollow of Even’s throat where he had tucked his head.

“You help me to be strong too, Is.”

***

“Ev, you have homework to do.” Isak was blushing right up to his hairline, but Even couldn’t get enough of Isak’s scent.

Isak had a scent.

Eriksen had been right: as the last of the suppressants finally started to be filtered out it was as if Isak’s body was waking up after a long sleep.  Despite all the weight loss he seemed softer somehow, and – god – his scent was fucking delicious.

“But you smell so good.” Even groaned from where he had buried his face in Isak’s throat.  He was snuggled up close with his leg hitched over Isak’s lap and it was taking all of his strength not to hump against Isak like a sex crazed lunatic.

But fuck.  Isak smelt so good.  It was like something right out of a fantasy.

He smelt sweet and earthy and it was so fucking grounding for Even.  It made him think of blooming flowers and the freshness of spring.

“You don’t make your friends send you your assignments to just ignore them.” Isak huffed, but Even could see him blushing at the praise.  His boy was just so sweet.

“They can wait while I enjoy the way your body is changing.” Even shrugged before nuzzling his nose even closer to Isak’s scent gland.

***

As it became increasingly clear that Isak was getting anxious at the thought of leaving the hospital and having to talk to everyone about what had happened, Even took subtle action.

He kissed Isak goodbye, saying that he needed to get them some more shower stuff from town, and made his way out into Oslo.  The cold was biting against his skin but it helped keep him focused.  He wound his way through familiar streets until he turned into an area he hadn’t really needed until now.

It was known as Witch’s Lane, although that wasn’t actually its name.  It just got stuck with that nickname because it housed multiple hom-ex health stores.  The most popular of those shops was LotsPots, an abbreviation of Lotions and Potions, which sold essentially Lush-like products infused with healing magic.

You could get antidepressant bath bombs, motivating body scrubs, mouthwashes that help with sickness, perfumes that made you irresistible, night face creams that helped you sleep as well as keeping your skin free of blemishes, but today Even was looking for anti-anxiety shower gel for Isak.

Isak wouldn’t even know he was using something from LotsPots, but the shower gel would help soothe his boyfriend’s nerves.

The moment Even walked through the door of LotsPots he was reminded why he never went into shops like this: the smell was unbearable.  He tried to breathe shallowly through his mouth as he looked frantically for the right sort of shower gel.  It probably made him look like some sort of psychopath, but at least he wasn’t suffocating from the cloyingly sweet artificial scents in the air.

He finally found what he was looking for and grabbed a couple of bottles.  He took them to the till and when the cashier gave him a weird look he explained that he had a sensitive nose.  Mercifully the girl put his items through quickly and he could leave after almost ten minutes.

He gulped down as much fresh air as he could once he got outside to try to clear out his poor nose.

It would be worth almost suffocating if it helped Isak’s anxiety, though.

***

While Isak was doing so much better in most aspects, his appetite still hadn’t come back.  Getting him to eat was a battle every time.  Eriksen and Isak’s dialysis team had worked with the boys to help devise a new diet plan for Isak that wouldn’t compromise his healing kidneys, but Isak just didn’t want to eat.

As much as it frustrated Even he could also totally understand why Isak didn’t want to eat: it always ended the same way.

“M’sorry.” Isak whimpered after throwing up the little bit of lunch he had managed to eat.

“It’s okay, baby.” Even shushed, still holding the disposable kidney dish out for Isak.  He rubbed his boyfriend’s back gently and sure enough Isak threw up a bit more.  Even seemed have to develop a sixth sense for when his boyfriend needed to be sick, and he wasn’t sure if that was romantic or not.

“You tried to eat; I’m really proud of you.” Even played with the sweaty curls at the nape of Isak’s neck gently while Isak swished some anti-nausea mouthwash around his mouth.

Thankfully the hospital stocked that, so Even hadn’t had to go back to LotsPots.

***

“I can’t believe it’s my last dialysis.” Isak looked so dazed and Even felt about the same.  Isak’s recovery felt like going through a warzone.

“Fifteen sessions.  That feels like so little.” Even couldn’t get his head around it.  It felt like so much and so little at the same time.  Maybe it was just because they hadn’t been going in and out of the hospital for dialysis; Isak’s treatment had been very closely monitored by Eriksen, who had insisted on Isak staying in the hospital until his system was completely flushed.

“That’s sixty hours.” Isak pointed out.  “Actually, that isn’t actually a lot; you’re right.” He shook his head.

“Maybe it’s because everything else was so intense.  Detox and stuff.” Even suggested.

“Yeah.” Isak winced.

“How do you feel now?” Even checked, taking Isak’s hand in his.

“Better.  Weird.  I don’t feel like I did before.” Isak looked like he was struggling to find the words.

“Better than before?  Or worse?” Even asked curiously.

“Just…different?”

“I guess before your body was full of all those chemicals; it’s not been clean and functioning on its own since you were 14.” Even pointed out.

“Probably.  It feels weird…not being on them.” Isak admitted, looking down at his lap.

“It’ll take time to get used to the new normal.” Even lifted Isak’s hand and kissed the soft skin on the back of his hand, taking a moment to appreciate the sight of his bracelet still on Isak’s wrist.  True, Isak’s wrist was frailer than it had been on Boxing Day when he gave it, but the sentiment was still there.

Isak was always going to own Even’s heart.

***

“Even, Isak.” Eriksen greeted them both cheerily as he came into Isak’s room.  Not that it was going to be Isak’s room for much longer, Even thought hopefully.

“Hey.” They both nodded.  Eskild had brought over some of Isak’s outdoor clothes (Isak had spent his six weeks in hospital in variations of his and Even’s pyjamas) in preparation for his discharge before going back to the kollektiv to make sure everything was in order for Isak’s return.

Even hadn’t realised how much he needed to see Isak in proper clothes again until he was watching his boyfriend pull on a pair of jeans like it was nothing.  Like he hadn’t almost died.

“Isak, how are you feeling today?” Eriksen asked his customary opening question.

“Good.  Healthy.” Isak grinned, and Even swore that it lit up the fucking room.

“That’s great.” Eriksen smiled.  “Are you excited to be going home?”

“So excited.  I’m ready to start my life again.” Isak was squeezing Even’s hand so tight, but Even couldn’t complain.  He was pretty sure he was holding on just as tightly.

“You’ll need to adhere to the plan you made with your dialysis team to maintain your kidneys.  As I said, acute kidney failure can be cured with dialysis but your kidneys are unlikely to be as strong as they used to be.”

“I know, I know.  I have no intention to be back here.  No offense.” Isak added quickly.

“None taken.” Eriksen smiled back at him.  “I’m incredibly happy that it ended this way, Isak.  Many young omegas didn’t get this second chance that you have.”

It made Even’s heart tighten painfully to think of Isak joining that statistic.

“Even was my rock.  I don’t think I’d have fought so hard without him.” The raw honesty in Isak’s voice left Even feeling winded.  He had no idea what to say, had no idea what words could possibly express all the things he was feeling, so he settled for pulling Isak closer by the hand and pressing their lips together.

“Not many of my patients had partners as dedicated as Even.  You two are very lucky to have each other.” Eriksen really seemed to have developed a soft spot for them, and Even was always going to be grateful to the man for saving his boyfriend’s life.

“Now go home, boys.  All your paperwork has been signed.  You, Isak Valtersen, are no longer a patient of this hospital.”

Sweeter words had never been said.

Eriksen left the room after congratulating Isak once more and wishing them luck with their future endeavours, and then it was just Even and Isak and their respective bags.

“I’m finally free.” Isak looked at Even with wide eyes, and Even grinned back at him.  He knew Isak had struggled with not being able to come and go like Even had been able to.  He had spent pretty much six straight weeks in the same place; it was no wonder he was itching to get back out into the world.

Even hopped off the bed and held his hand out to Isak.

“Let’s go home, baby.”

Chapter Text

Isak hadn’t realised how much he missed his own bed until he was home again.

Eskild and Noora had thrown a little welcome home thing on the day Isak was discharged; when he had walked through his front door for the first time since December he was greeted with a tray of cupcakes and a lot of hugs.  Linn had even come out to say that she was glad he had pulled through before taking a cupcake and shuffling back to her room.

Truth be told, though, Isak was exhausted.  Even seemed to pick up on it and sure enough he thanked Eskild and Noora for the thought and promised that Isak would talk to them after he had rested.  Isak was too tired to get annoyed at Even for speaking for him, but if he was honest he knew that he needed to talk to his roommates sooner or later.

Knowing Eskild it would probably be sooner.

Isak was signed off from school for the next week, though, and he had no intention of rushing into things.

Even shooed him off to bed and Isak went more than willingly.  He had almost fallen asleep in the taxi home, and while the minute of fresh air he had got when they left the taxi had woken him up a bit he was definitely feeling drowsy again.

“I wanna shower the hospital smell off.” Isak mumbled as he and Even went into his room.  Someone had put clean sheets on his bed and his room looked tidier than it had when he left it six weeks, and knowing that someone had been looking after his room for his return made him surprisingly emotional.

Maybe because there had been a while when he wasn’t actually sure he would be returning.

There was no doubt in Isak’s mind that he was fucking lucky to be alive.  He had no idea what sort of life he was going to have now, but at least he was alive to find out.  He just hoped that it wasn’t going to be as hellish as he had always imagined life as an omega to be.

“I’ll start putting some of our stuff through the wash then.” Even picked their two bags up from where he’d just dumped them on the floor.

“Thanks, babe.” Isak smiled tiredly.  He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Even’s warm cheek before grabbing his shower bag out of his hospital bag so he could go scrub any remnant of the hospital off of himself.

He suspected that Even had made a trip to Witch’s Lane for the shower gel he had bought Isak as a little pamper yourself gift, but he always felt so much calmer after using it so he didn’t bother bringing it up.  It was nice not to be in a constant anxiety spiral.

Isak ended up spending way longer than was probably necessary in the shower that afternoon.  If it had been any normal day Eskild or Noora would have been banging on the door telling him to turn the bloody water off, but no one interfered with his shower even after the water started going cold.

Once he was sure he no longer smelt like the hospital (read: after four whole body washes and three rounds of vigorous hair washing) he turned the water off and dried himself off.  All he needed to do now was cut off his hospital bracelets and it would be like nothing had happened, and that was exactly how Isak wanted it.

He went back to his room and threw on some of Even’s pyjamas before rummaging around for something he could use to cut the hospital bracelets off.  He ended up having to go to the kitchen for the scissors, because the damn bracelets were practically indestructible.  Nothing beat kitchen scissors though, and as Isak threw the damp bracelets in the bin he felt an overwhelming sense of freedom.

It was really over.

***

Even gave him Friday evening and the whole of Saturday to get used to being back at home before he brought it up.  They were lying together in bed, basking in the morning sunshine that came through Isak’s blinds, and Isak felt calm right down to his bones.

“I think we need to talk about my meds.” Even said honestly while his fingers traced light circles over the bare skin between Isak’s shoulder blades.  Before Even had spoken he had been so relaxed that he could have melted right into his mattress, but now his entire body had tightened with nervous tension.

“Okay.” Isak nodded.  His stomach felt like it had just been dropped fifty storeys but he tried to at least look calm on the outside.

“This isn’t about you helping yourself to the medicine cabinet; you already know how I feel about that.” Clearly Isak’s attempt at looking calm had failed.

“Okay.” Isak relaxed a little bit, but his body still felt like it was in fight or flight mode.

“So I’m bipolar.” Even began.  Isak rested his cheek against his boyfriend’s shoulder and looked up at his face, trying to assess how Even was feeling.  Isak knew how hard it could be to talk about personal shit like that.

“You’re bipolar.” Isak nodded, not wanting Even to think he was making a big deal of it.

When he had first found out about Even’s condition it had rattled him massively, but now that he had had time to properly process the information it was simply another facet of the man he loved.

“It didn’t really manifest until I presented; I think I was almost 14.” Even fiddled with some of Isak’s hair nervously and the sensation sent a small shiver down Isak’s spine.

“Puberty is usually the time things like that come out.” Isak nodded.  He had done more than his share of research on mental illness over the years because of his mother.

“Yeah.” Even agreed.  “For a while everyone just wrote it off as my brain getting used to the influx of alpha hormones and general teenage idiocy, but eventually it got to a point where I’d fully presented and my body was done adjusting and growing but I was still doing weird shit.” Isak felt Even tense up underneath him and he pushed himself up into a sitting position.  He made sure Even was making eye contact with him before he spoke.

“You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Isak promised.  He took one of Even’s hands and kissed the backs of his fingers gently.  Even gave him a grateful smile before continuing.

“I was probably about 15 when my parents took me to the doctor the first time.  The first diagnosis was ADHD, so they put me on stimulants but it didn’t really work and I hated the way they made me feel so after months of feeling like shit I just stopped taking them.” Even paused there and Isak squeezed his hand encouragingly.

“It was really stupid.  I knew not to just stop taking my prescription out of nowhere like that, but I did it anyway.” Even sighed.

“And that’s when things got worse?” Isak guessed.  He felt awful thinking about Even in that position; he knew what it was like to get shitty side effects and want to quit.

“Yeah.” Even looked so sad and Isak just wanted to kiss the sorrow away, but he could feel that it was important to Even to talk about this.

“It was probably only a few weeks after I quit those meds that I had my first depressive episode.  I think I scared the shit out of my parents.  Obviously after that I got dragged back to the doctor and they decided I was depressed, and I got given antidepressants.”

“They didn’t work either?” Isak assumed.

“Nope.  A couple of months after starting them I had my first manic episode.  I scared everyone with that one; including myself.” Even looked so fucking ashamed, and it was cutting at something deep inside of Isak.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Isak tucked himself back down against Even and tried to convey as much love as he could through his cuddles.

“After that at least they figured out that I was bipolar.  So they started me on the standard meds and I started therapy.”

“That sounds good?” Isak wasn’t sure what to say, so he squeezed Even’s hand comfortingly.

“It was really hard.  The first meds didn’t really work; they were designed for sapiens.  They just made me drowsy, so then we started this trial and error of meds and it was just fucking awful.  My mum was pregnant with Elise by then and I felt so guilty about dumping her with all this stress while she was pregnant.  It took a few different drugs before they prescribed me Valmotrimate, and then once I was on it it took a few weeks to really level out.”

“You couldn’t help when you got sick.” Isak shook his head.  “I’m sure your mum understood.  And Elise turned out fine, didn’t she?  You can’t help the bad timing.  The main thing is that you found something that works for you, baby.” Isak had no idea if any of this was what Even needed to hear, but he wanted to say it anyway.

“I guess.” Even buried his face in Isak’s hair and Isak wiggled himself closer to his boyfriend.

“It does work for you, right?” Isak didn’t like the hesitation in Even’s voice.

“It does.” Even kissed the top of Isak’s head before resting his chin there.  “I’ve only had two major episodes since I started taking it, which isn’t bad for almost three years.  Especially considering the bigger one was mostly fuelled by my sexuality crisis.”

“That is really good; I’m glad it’s working for you.” Isak smiled up at Even, but he wasn’t sure if Even could actually see him from the angle they were tucked together.

“It’s definitely working for me.  It took a while, but we eventually figured out the right combination of drugs and therapy.” Even took a deep breath and Isak got the feeling that he was building up to something.  He kept quiet and gave Even time to find the words, but he couldn’t deny the nervous feeling in his belly the longer he waited.

“I’m just telling you all this because…routine is a big deal for me.  Being out of routine is one of my biggest triggers for an episode.” Even finally said.

It took Isak a minute to work out what Even was trying to tell him, and when he did his face fell.

“You’re worried you’re going to have an episode?” And it’s all my fault.

“I just want you to know that if it does happen, it’s not your fault.  I chose to stay with you in the hospital and throw everything out the window knowing that it’d probably bite me in the ass, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.  I just didn’t want to blindside you with an episode.  I know your mum scared you a lot, and- oh, Is, shit, please don’t cry.” Even hugged Isak impossibly closer and Isak rolled himself completely on top of his boyfriend and tucked his wet face into the crook of Even’s neck.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Even whined as he stroked his fingers through Isak’s hair.

“I’m sorry.” Isak was trying so hard to stop himself from crying that his body was shaking with the effort.

“I definitely didn’t tell you that to make you apologise.” Even said sharply.  His hands suddenly left Isak’s hair and reappeared at his shoulders, hauling him up so they could look each other in the eye.

“You don’t owe me an apology.  I just want you to understand what it’s like being with me and my brain.” Even was looking at him so seriously; Isak felt ridiculous with tear tracks running tacky down his cheeks.

“You got sick and I stood by you, that’s all that happened.  I was never going to let you go through that alone.” Even kissed away the last few tears rolling down his cheeks and Isak tried to get his shit together, which had been increasingly difficult since detox.

Eriksen had told him that once he got used to all his new hormones he should be able to keep himself in check, but until then he should expect his emotions to be running rampant.  Isak hoped that his body was acclimate quickly but he knew he didn’t have that sort of luck.

“I love you.” Isak sniffled.  “What do I do for you if you have an episode?  I’m not even sure what to look for…” Isak trailed off.  His experience with his mum had been all based around hallucinations and delusions; he didn’t have the foggiest what to do beyond that.

“God, you’re perfect.” Even whispered, looking at Isak with so much awe that Isak couldn’t hold his gaze.  Even closed his eyes and it was completely natural how they both moved together and rested their foreheads together.

They spent the next hour talking about signs to look for and how Even usually acted during episodes and the sorts of things Isak could do for him, and it settled something inside of Isak to know that he could support Even just like Even had supported him.

It made them feel more equal in Isak’s mind.

That had always been his main concern about their relationship, but finally there was something that Isak felt like he could help Even with.

If he could give back just a fraction of the love and support that Even had given him since they got together then Isak would be happy.

***

Sadly, Even had been right on the money.

By Tuesday morning it was clear that he was crashing hard, and Isak hated it.  He had a feeling that no matter how many times he would see his boyfriend hit a depressive episode in their future it would never get easier to watch the light go out inside of Even.

Even had told him that he usually slept through most of his depressive episodes, so it was fine for Isak to be in and out during them.  Isak didn’t have to think about that this time, though, because Even had gone home on Monday at the behest of his mother.

Isak had kissed him goodbye, and he swore that he could taste the tiredness in Even’s kiss that afternoon.

Even had told him not to crowd him when he’s down, so Isak was trying to make the most of his empty week around his visits to Even.

And what a week it was.

***

Tuesday

His mum had replied to his text almost as soon as he sent it, which made Isak feel both flattered and incredibly guilty.  He didn’t even want to imagine how much stress he had put his mother through since December, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that she would have fallen apart if she had come to the hospital to see him.

Isak just about remembered to take his mother’s Christmas presents with him as he left the kollektiv, and the sight of the painted flowerpot cheered him up for a few seconds from his pre-serious talk nerves.  They were back full swing by the time he got on the tram, and he couldn’t do anything to keep his fingers still.

By the time he got off the tram and walked to the assisted living place he was sure his blood pressure was high enough to make his eyeballs explode.  That was a thing, right?  It felt like it was a thing.

His hands were shaking so badly as he got to his mum’s front door that he almost dropped the gift bag, but he just about managed to avoid that disaster.

What was unavoidable, however, were the tears that sprung to his eyes at the first sight of his mother in a month and a half.

“Mama.” They both surged together and Isak was being pulled inside the flat before anything else could be said.

“Isak Valtersen, do you know how worried I have been?” Marianne demanded tearfully as the door shut behind them.  “To get a call from your boyfriend – who I just met – to tell me that my son was in hospital was one thing, but to be told that he wasn’t allowing any visitors?  Do you know how many times I almost stormed into that hospital?”

Isak could just imagine how terribly that would have gone down.  Between his mother’s fragile state of mind and the absolute mess he had been in hospital, it would have been more hurt than it was worth.

“I didn’t want anyone to get upset.  And I was really fucked up; I didn’t want to offend anyone.” That was most of truth.  “It’s really good to see you now, mama.” Isak wiped at his eyes roughly.

“How are you now?  I don’t even know what was wrong.” Marianne bristled at that, and Isak realised that his mother was actually mad at him.  He had only been trying to spare her feelings!

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” Isak swallowed.  Anxiety was like a noose around his neck and there he was kicking the stool out from under himself.

“I feel like we’re going to need to sit down.” Marianne sighed, and Isak followed her to the sofa where they sunk down together.  “Even told me that he would phone me again if the treatment wasn’t working.  If it looked like you were going- going to die.” Marianne’s hand came up to cover her mouth and Isak hated the way the tears filled her eyes.

“He did?” He had no idea that Even had made such a promise.  That would have done nothing to stop his mother’s anxiety.

“What’s been happening with you, baby?” Marianne looked so distraught and Isak’s heart sunk.  Maybe he had made the wrong decision about not allowing visitors?  Had he hurt his mother more by blocking her out?

“I’ve been lying to you for a long time.” Isak whispered, his eyes dropping to the floor.  He could almost hear that metaphorical stool clattering out from under himself.

“Isak…?”

“I’m an omega, mama.” Isak whispered, adamantly not looking at her.  He heard her sharp intake of breath and it was like a blade to his skin.  “I’ve been taking suppressants since I presented.  I was never a beta.”

When he risked a glance over at his mum she had her face buried in her hands and he could see her shoulders trembling.

“Mama?” His throat felt painfully tight and he was terrified of whatever was about to happen next.

“You’ve been poisoning yourself for all those years?” Marianne wiped her eyes and looked over at him, and Isak shrunk away from the look in her eye.  He couldn’t tell if she was mad at him or just really disappointed, but neither option was great.

“I was scared!  Being a male omega…it’s degrading.  I didn’t want people to see me like that.” Isak swallowed.

“Isak…” He watched his mother shake her head again before burying her face back in her hands.  “You could have died.  So many people died from suppressant side effects.” Marianne was shaking her head and Isak’s heart was racing.  His mind’s eye was stuck seeing images from years ago when his mother would cover her eyes and sit on the floor rocking back and forth to protect herself from the things no one else could see.

“But I didn’t.  I’m right here.  I’m fine.” He choked out, trying to shake those memories from his mind.

“I should have known.” Marianne sat up and wiped her eyes with her sleeves, shooting a watery stare over at Isak.  “You’ve always been so preoccupied with statuses and labels; I should have known you were crying out for help.”

“It’s all in the past now.” Isak felt so uncomfortable.  “But…I’m off the pills now.  I’m trying to accept who I am.  I hope you can too.” He shifted in his seat nervously, unable to look over at his mother.

“Isak, you being an omega makes no difference to me.  You’re always going to be my little boy, regardless of your status.  I’m just upset that you went to such a length to hide who you are from the world.  From me.” Isak knew the meaning behind her words.  I’m upset that you were upset to be like me.

“Omega to omega, we both know why I did it.” Isak said quietly, and when his mum let out a quiet sigh he knew she agreed.

“I love you, sweet-pea.  I’m so glad you’re still here.” She pulled him into a hug, and Isak clung onto her like he’d die if he let go.

“I love you too, mama.  This was never about you, I promise.” He mumbled as he buried his face in her shoulder.

“Oh, Isak.” Marianne sighed above him.  “What am I going to do with you?”

***

Thursday

Isak still had no appetite, but in a show of solidarity with Even they had both tried to eat something for breakfast that morning.  Even managed half a sandwich before going back to bed, and Isak managed most of his sandwich before his anxiety had him throwing it back up in the Bech Næsheim bathroom.

Even wished him luck before he left, and all Isak could manage in return was a weak smile as he left Even’s room.

Today was his first time seeing the boys since they broke up from school for Christmas.

And he was going to tell them everything.

His heart was in his throat as he made his way into town.  He hated that he had to do this.  Coming out the first time had been stressful enough, and that had just been a cover up coming out to avoid this coming out.  Isak was giving himself a stress headache and he was pretty sure he could feel an ulcer forming from all of the anxiety.

Jonas was an alpha and Mahdi was a beta; any traditionalist would tell him that they were going to look at Isak totally differently as an omega.  But his friends weren’t traditionalists, he would have noticed that by now, and he wasn’t sure what the fuck they would say.

He went into KB and got himself some water, because that was about all he could stomach any more, and waited for the boys to come in from their last class.  It only took about 15 minutes but in that time Isak had almost worked himself into a full blown panic attack.

“Isak!” Jonas was on him the moment the boys came in.  Isak was wrapped up in his best friend’s arms before he had even really registered the squad’s arrival, but it only took a second before Jonas’ familiar scent calmed Isak down completely.  Jonas had always been his rock.

“Holy shit, you look so much better.” Magnus’ was the next voice Isak heard as he and Jonas broke apart.  Jonas sat next to him – right next to him – and seemed to be staring awfully damn hard at him as the others sat down.

“Yeah, I didn’t realise how rough you looked last year until I saw you now.  There I was thinking you were just ugly.” Mahdi winked, but he clapped Isak on the shoulder in a gesture that said loud and clear I’m glad you’re back with us, man.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t let us visit.” Jonas said reproachfully.  “We haven’t seen you since before the holidays.”

“You really wanted to see him throwing up and shit?” Magnus raised an eyebrow and Isak found himself nodding along.

“It wasn’t pretty.  You didn’t want to be there, trust me.”

“My best friend was possibly dying.  You didn’t think I’d want to be there?” Jonas looked hurt.

“Dude, Even said he’d have told us to come if Isak was going to die.  It’s alright.” Mahdi shook his head.  “Sometimes people just need space to get better before they deal with everyone else.”

“Even made that promise to you too?” Isak frowned.

“You really think he’d have let you die without saying goodbye to your boys?” This time Magnus’ eyebrow raise was aimed at him and Isak shrugged uncertainly.

“Didn’t really think about it.” Isak muttered.

“So…are you alright now?” Mahdi asked after a full minute of awkward silence where none of them seemed to know what to say.  At that question all eyes were on Isak and he felt sweat break out on the back of his neck.

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered.  “I…I need to tell you guys something.  About me.” Isak had no idea how the fuck to do this.  He wasn’t even 100% sure that he wanted to do this.

“Okay.” Mahdi was giving him a weird look and for an awful second he thought that his scent was going to out him before he had a chance to explain it.

That was what gave him the final push.

“I’mnotabetaI’manomegaI’vealwaysbeenanomega.” Isak breathed out in a rush.

“Uh…come again?” Jonas laughed.  Isak took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down enough to get his words out at an understandable pace.  He found himself shooting one last desperate look at Jonas before he looked back at the boys, ready to throw himself under the bus and admit who he was.

“I’m not a beta; I’m an omega.  I’ve always been an omega.” He repeated.  He decided not to pause for reactions or questions, because honestly he wasn’t sure if he had it in himself to deal with that.  “I’ve been on suppressants since I presented.  That’s why I got sick.  After long term exposure it turns out that those drugs become toxic.” Isak tried to laugh it off but it died in his throat at the looks on all their faces.

“You’re an omega?” Magnus repeated, his face scrunching up with confusion.  “You?”

“Yes, me.” Isak snapped.  “You see any other idiot sat here coming out for the second time?”

“I thought you smelled different.” Mahdi nodded.  “Why didn’t you just tell us when you presented?”

“It’s not exactly a sweet deal being a male omega.  Isak was probably nervous.  Shit, look how nervous he is just saying it.” Magnus shrugged.

“Uh…what he said.” Isak couldn’t believe that Magnus had just taken the words from his mouth.  “What the fuck, Mags?  How did you know that?”

“Well, for one it isn’t exactly rocket science, is it?  And second: I’m an empath.  I’m good at reading people’s emotions.” Magnus shrugged.

“You were meant to be our token human friend!” Mahdi looked as shocked as Isak felt.

“I thought it was a funny joke; I didn’t bother to correct you guys.  Besides, I’m closer to being sapien than you guys so the joke still stands.  But yeah, I’m an empath.” Magnus shrugged again.

“Isak’s an omega and Magnus is actually hom-ex; what else is today going to throw at us.” Mahdi shook his head in disbelief as he sunk back in his seat.  Isak couldn’t believe how easily it was going.  Magnus had totally redirected the conversation.

“Were you really afraid to tell us?” Jonas, of course, brought them back to the matter of Isak’s real identity.

“Well, yeah.  You’ve seen how omegas are treated.  Especially the male ones.” Isak fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably.  He wished Even could be there, but he was just going to have to wait for the evening to see his boyfriend again.

“You know, there’s legislation in the work to-” And then Jonas was off, ranting and raving about how far omega rights had come and how there were omegas rising in political circles fighting that fight for young omegas like Isak.

As Isak shared a there he goes look with Magnus and Mahdi he felt a rush of emotion for his boys.  How had he ever thought they’d judge him for being an omega?  They were the best guys Isak had ever met.

Even if Jonas did run his mouth about politics.

He wouldn’t change his squad for anything.

“Hey, Isak?” Magnus interrupted Jonas’ progression for omegas ramble and Isak looked over at him.

“Yeah?” He couldn’t help but feel nervous at whatever Magnus was about to say.  He was still haunted by some of the questions Magnus had asked him when he came out as gay.

“So are you and Even going to mate for real?  Seeing as he’s an alpha and you’re an omega?” Magnus asked.

Immediately Magnus’ question was met with outraged noises from Mahdi and Jonas.

“You can’t ask that, Mags, fucking hell!” Jonas exclaimed as Mahdi flicked Magnus hard in the back of the head.

So maybe Isak would change his squad a little.

But as coming outs went, he thought he’d got pretty damn lucky.

Chapter Text

By Saturday Even was on the steady ascent back from his depressive episode and was happy for Isak to come over so they could spend the remainder of the weekend together before Isak’s first day back at school.  They had been texting intermittently back and forth while Even got through the worst of his week and Isak was 90% sure Even only extended that offer because he could tell that Isak was working himself into an anxiety spiral about going back to school on Monday.

On his trip across Oslo on Saturday evening, however, he was feeling anxious for another reason.

Even’s parents.

Surely they were going to hate him for putting Even through hell.  Not just the six week hospitalisation, but the months before that where Isak was hot and cold and generally just a shit boyfriend.

Isak knew that Even deserved the very best the world had to offer and he had only known him since October, so his parents were definitely going to know it.  It was also going to be painfully obvious to them that Isak wasn’t the best the world had to offer, or even in the top hundred, especially after he had pretty much pushed Even into an episode.

He was pretty sure he was having heart palpitations by the time he was on Even’s street.

His soul definitely left his body with the stress as he rang the doorbell.

When Even opened the door himself, all damp hair and flushed cheeks, Isak let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding tight in his chest.

“It’s so good to see you.” Isak stepped up onto the doorstep and immediately Even pulled him into a hug.

“You too.” Even murmured into his hair, holding him tight.  For a few moments they stayed like that: clinging onto each other in the doorway like it had been months and not days since they last saw each other.

“It’s fucking cold, get inside.” Even laughed when he shivered against Isak.

“You’re just cold because you have wet hair.” Isak rolled his eyes but he followed Even in anyway.  He’d follow Even anywhere.

“How are you feeling?  You look a bit better.” Isak gave Even a small smile as they made their way to his room.

“I still feel like I could sleep for Norway, but I’m getting there.  Had a nice shower today and ate a little bit.” Even squeezed his hand and Isak took it to mean thanks for asking.

“That’s really good, baby.” Isak dropped his bag by Even’s bed and let out a sigh of relief.

“My mum was asking when she gets to meet you properly this morning.” Even told him as they get settled on the bed, and the relaxed feeling immediately left Isak’s body.

“She still wants to meet me?” Isak felt tight all over and it was getting difficult to breathe properly.

“Yeah, her and dad both want to meet you.  Why is that such a surprise?” Even was raising his eyebrows and Isak’s stomach was sinking just as quickly.  Was Even really going to make him spell it out?

“Isak?” Even prompted when Isak failed to say anything for apparently too long.

“They’re just…not gonna like me.” Isak muttered, avoiding Even’s gaze at all cost.  “Especially not after the last few weeks.” He rubbed at his face to try to scrub the look of embarrassment from his features.

“You think they’ll hold you getting sick against you?” Even asked incredulously, sounding almost offended at the idea.

“I drove their only son out of their house for almost two months and then pushed him into a depression.” Isak hissed, his hands snapping back down to his lap.  “They’re going to know I’m not good enough for you and they’re going to resent me for dragging you down with me.” Isak felt stiff as a concrete wall as he swung his legs off the bed, already thinking about how he could get home.

He couldn’t stay in the house with Even’s parents.  He thought he could, but he couldn’t.

“Isak Valtersen that is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said to me.” Even’s warm fingers wrapped around his wrist and Isak almost jumped out of his skin at the contact.

“Don’t try to-”

“You know what my parents know about you?” Even interrupted him, giving him a look that just dared Isak to try to challenge him.

“What?” Isak played along reluctantly.

“That I’m head over heels in love with you and that you got sick.  That you made my life so much better than I ever thought it could be, and when you got sick I was so afraid of losing you that I spent a ridiculous amount of time crying on my mother’s shoulder.  That Elsie thinks you’re great fun, and that I think you’ll fit in so perfectly with my family.  That’s what they know.  But, honestly, the fact that I’m so fucking in love with you is all they really needed to know to love you too.” Even looked so serious that Isak fidgeted uncomfortably.

He was never any good at serious talks.

“And that bullshit about me being too good for you?  I hate that.  No human is worth more than any other human.  I think you’re the most fucking breathtaking person that I’ve ever met.  You make me happy, and I hope I make you happy too.  Isn’t that all that matters?” Even’s eyebrows rose up his forehead again and Isak swallowed thickly.

“No one describes anyone else as ‘breathtaking’.” Was all Isak managed to say.

“Well, that’s what you are.  When I first saw you at that party I thought I’d seen an angel.  You were – are – so fucking beautiful, Isak.  And then when I started getting to know you I realised that that incredibleness went all the way through.  There isn’t a single part of you that doesn’t totally blow me away.” Even started fiddling with his fingers and that snapped Isak out of his daze enough for him to realise that Even was nervous.

“Ev…” Isak wasn’t good with words.  In fact, he was shit with words.

“My parents are going to love you, Isak.  My dad even told me that I seem happier since we started dating.” Even shot him a shy smile and Isak felt himself start to relax a little.

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Even promised.

“I just…I guess it’s a big deal to me, if your parents like me or not.  Don’t want to fuck it up with two sets of parents.” Isak tried to joke, but from the pained look on Even’s face he knew he’d missed the mark.

“I did have to explain your family situation to my mum after that time you practically ran away from my parents.  They’ll understand if you’re nervous.” Even squeezed his hand and Isak cautiously moved further back onto the bed.

“Okay.” Isak’s heart was still hammering, but he was trying to believe Even.  He wanted to believe Even.  He wanted to believe that it was possible that he could fit in with Even’s family, because he had no intention of being away from Even ever again.

Honestly, he didn’t think he had the strength to be rejected by two families.

“Are your parents in now?” Isak asked nervously.  He wasn’t sure if he was ready to bump into Even’s parents right now when everything was still so raw.

“They’re out with Elise right now.  They’ll be back later.” Even squeezed Isak’s hand reassuringly.  “They know you’re staying over, though, and they promised to give you some space until you’re ready to properly meet them.”

“That’s…really cool of them.” Isak managed to say after a few seconds of processing.

“They’re cool people.” Even nodded.  Isak could feel his boyfriend watching him closely and after a few more seconds he relaxed enough to lie back down.

“Thank you for giving me time.” Isak whispered, watching Even as he settled down beside him.

“Anything you need, angel.” Even rolled over so that they were both laying on their sides looking at each other.

“I love you so much.” Isak closed his eyes, trying to hide how overwhelmed he was by the magnitude of his feelings for Even.  The man who totally changed his life.

“I love you too.” Even’s fingers were threading through the spaces between Isak’s fingers and Isak clung on desperately.

“Can we talk about something else now?” Isak opened his eyes and searched Even’s face for any sign of annoyance over Isak’s constant mini-meltdowns.

He found nothing but a small smile.

“Sure.” Even agreed kindly.  “What do you want to talk about?” At that, Isak wracked his brain for something worth talking about.  It took him a couple of minutes – thankfully silences with Even were hardly ever awkward – before he suddenly remembered what Magnus had said.

“Oh, shit, I totally forgot to tell you what Magnus asked me!” He exclaimed, sitting up a little.

“Damn, you sat up, so it must have been good.” Even teased, running his fingers gently across the blush that spread across Isak’s cheeks in response after he flopped back down.

“Dick.” Isak huffed.

“Go on then, tell me what ridiculous thing Magnus asked you.” Even laughed quietly, but Isak just pouted back at him.

“No, you missed your chance.” He turned his nose up in mock defiance and had to suppress a shiver when Even moved even closer to him.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry.” He whispered as he nosed along Isak’s jaw.  “Very, very sorry.” He continued as he peppered light kisses across the cut of Isak’s jaw and down his throat.  Isak couldn’t help but let out a short gasp as Even grazed his teeth over Isak’s Adam’s apple, and he knew his stand was over.

“I believe you, I believe you!” He wiggled back a bit to give himself space to catch his breath.  Even gave him a very self-satisfied grin as they settled back down, which just made Isak roll his eyes.

“Seriously, though, I’m curious now.  What did he ask?” Even raised his eyebrows.

“So, I told them I was an omega.  And it went really well.” Isak recapped the bit that Even already knew and Even nodded along dutifully.

“Right.  And then Magnus said…?”

“He straight up asked if we were going to ‘mate for real’.” Isak made air quotes with his fingers.  “And then went, ‘seeing as you’re an alpha and an omega’, like that somehow made our relationship more legit than if we were an alpha and a beta.”

“Wow.” Even laughed, a look of disbelief on his face.  “His heart’s in the right place, but damn if he doesn’t stick his foot in it more often than not.” Even shook his head.

“You wouldn’t think an empath could make so many social faux pas’.” Even added after a moment’s thought and Isak hummed in agreement.  Magnus was the conversational equivalent of a bull in a china shop and it never failed to shock him.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that; soaking up each other’s company after a few days apart.  Isak was almost dozing off when Even’s voice broke through the fog.

“Is that something you think you’d want one day?” He was asking, and suddenly Isak was wide awake.

“Are you asking if I want your bite?” Isak’s eyes couldn’t possibly get wider.  He probably looked like some sort of demented fish, but he couldn’t quash his surprise at Even’s question.  He definitely hadn’t told Even about Magnus’ question as some sort of hint.

“Not right now.” Even shrugged.  “But one day?  Do you think you’d want to go the whole hog: give each other claiming bites, tell the world we’re mates?”

“Do you want that?” Isak didn’t mean to answer Even’s question with a question, but his curiosity got the better of him.

“One day, I think I would.” Even nodded.  “I never really put much stock into the idea until we started getting serious.” He admitted, and Isak’s heart tripped over itself.

“Really?” That was actually kind of flattering.

“Yeah.  I didn’t really get the big deal of mating- no, that’s wrong.  I knew that mating someone was a big deal; it, like, ties your souls together and it makes you so much more in tune with the person you love, and it can really fuck you up if you mate someone and then the relationship ends and you have to part ways.” Even looked like he was struggling to explain everything going on in his head, so Isak just nodded along with the facts and waited for Even to keep going.

“I guess I didn’t see anyone being worth the risk of fucking yourself up for life for if it all went to shit.  Especially not when I already had enough going on in my brain on my own.” Even frowned, and Isak brushed his thumb over the crease between Even’s eyebrows.

“And then…I met you.” Even looked Isak dead in the eye, and Isak swore that time stopped around them.  “And then we started getting serious, and I realised that I could already see you by my side for the rest of my life.  And it was the best thing I could possibly imagine.” Even whispered, bringing his free hand up and cupping Isak’s cheek.

Isak wanted to speak, but he had a feeling that Even wasn’t done talking yet and he didn’t want to ruin his boyfriend’s moment.

“And then I started thinking about how much more it could be if we gave each other the bite.  You wouldn’t just be my partner for life, you’d be my mate.  The whole world would be able to see it clear as day, and smell it from a mile off, that we love each other so much that we took that plunge and fell even more in love for it.” Even’s thumb was brushing back and forth across Isak’s cheek and it felt suspiciously wet.

Isak was really fucking looking forward to getting his emotions back under control.

“Are you sure this isn’t just some possessive alpha bullshit?” Isak laughed wetly and Even gave him a fond smile that absolutely melted Isak’s heart.

“Positive.  I think we’re for keeps, baby.” Even pressed his forehead against Isak’s just as Isak’s eyes fluttered closed.

He had never felt as wanted as he did right then.

It was hard – really hard – after watching his dad walk out and his mother fall apart before his very eyes to believe Even when he said that he actually wanted Isak – that Isak was enough for him – but Isak knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted Even back.

“I think so too.” Isak’s voice was hardly more than a breath, but he could feel Even’s responding smile so he knew that he had heard him.

“And it’ll probably be good for us.” Even continued in a soft voice.  “I mean, we are an alpha and an omega.  That’s a strong bond.” Isak opened his eyes at that, and the amount of love in Even’s eyes almost robbed the breath from his lungs.

“One day, when we both get our shit together, we’ll take that step.” Isak promised, his hand coming up and trailing across the smooth skin where Even’s collarbone met the hollow of his throat.

“One day my bite will go right here.” Isak told him, lifting his gaze from Even’s soft skin to his bright eyes.  His breath caught in his throat as Even’s hand slid down from his cheek to press gently over Isak’s Adam’s apple.

“I think mine will go here.  Right over your throat.” He murmured.

“I trust you.” Isak felt fucking breathless at the thought of Even biting him in such a vulnerable place.  The whole world would be able to see how much he trusted his mate, how he trusted Even with his very life, and how much Even adored him.

“And who knows, mating marks are good soothers for babies.” Even gave him a playful wink and Isak felt the blood rush to his face.

“Ev!” He pushed his boyfriend away embarrassedly.  “It’s definitely too early to be thinking about babies and shit.” Isak shook his head in disbelief.  All the talk of bites had got to him, but the half hardness in his boxers deflated quickly at the thought of a baby.

“I was just kidding!” Even laughed, pulling Isak back into a hug.  Isak shook his head again, but went willingly into Even’s embrace.

One of the plus sides of being off suppressants was that his nose picked up on the more subtle notes of Even’s faint scent, so Isak could really immerse himself in it now.  He made himself comfortable against his boyfriend’s chest and took a deep breath, soaking up Even’s scent as much as he could before he said what he said next.

“You know what Eriksen said, though.” Isak fidgeted nervously.  “I probably won’t be able to give you any babies.”

“There’s more than one way to make a family, angel.” Even squeezed his hand comfortingly, but he must have picked up on the sadness welling up inside of Isak because he propped himself up on one elbow and cupped Isak’s face again.

“Isak, even if we never have any kids – if it’s just you and me for the rest of our lives – you will have given me everything I could ever want and more.  A boy who’s beautiful inside and out, who I know loves me just as much as I love him, who I hopefully get to come home to every single night.  You’re all I need, baby.” Even licked his lips before leaning in and pressing their lips together, effectively zapping all the stress from Isak’s body.

“I love you so fucking much.” Isak sighed against his lips, untangling their fingers to push his hand into Even’s hair.

The second he knotted his fingers in Even’s mostly dry and oh so soft hair the temperature of the room went up about ten degrees, and the hardness from earlier started to make itself known again.

“Are you as hot as I am?” Even groaned as he sank back down from his elbow.

“You tell me.” Isak hitched his leg over Even’s waist and pushed their hips together, pulling broken moans from both of them.  “W-when will your family get home?” Isak just about remembered to ask as Even started pushing his hips back against Isak’s.

“Not for another hour at least.” Even told him after a quick glance at the clock on his phone, and that was that.

Isak pulled at Even’s hair until Even got the idea and rolled on top of Isak, crushing their lips back together.  Isak had never really thought of commitment as a turn on, but there he was almost fully hard just from talking to his boyfriend about how sure they were that they were the real deal.

Isak could hear the noises he was making, but he didn’t have anywhere near enough self control to stop them.  They seeped into Even’s kisses and he threw them up to the ceiling when they broke apart for the bare minimum of time to rid each other of their shirts.

Isak could already feel himself getting wet as they grinded against each other desperately, which he found he was still getting used to.  It didn’t feel as foreign and wrong as it used to, but he still felt a spark of alarm at the first drips of wetness between his cheeks before he remembered what it was.

They kept kissing, all tongues and teeth and hot frantic breaths, as they got rid of the rest of their clothes until Isak was blessed with the skin to skin contact he so badly needed.  It was only when Isak’s boxers finally joined Even’s on the floor that Even broke away and sat up on his knees, staring at Isak like he was a snack.

“Fuck, angel.” Even’s eyes were so dark as they darted all over Isak’s body, and Isak couldn’t help but preen.  He spread his legs, inviting Even to sit between them, and arched his back just enough to make Even groan.

Even filled the space between Isak’s legs perfectly, but Isak hardly had time to appreciate it before Even dipped down and started licking sucking and biting any patch of skin he could reach on Isak’s torso.  It was Isak’s turn to groan, which turned into a high moan when Even sucked one of his nipples into his mouth and rubbed the other between his thumb and fingers until Isak’s dick was drooling precome all over his stomach and jerking desperately.

“So sensitive.” Even observed, his rougher than normal voice sending a thrill through Isak’s blood.  Isak didn’t have the brain power left to come up with something to say in return; he just kept gasping desperately for air as Even kissed down his abdomen.  When Even stopped to lick up the precome pooling on his skin, Isak just about managed to grab the base of his dick in time to stop himself from ending this before it even began.

“S-stop teasing me- oh, fuck!” Isak’s hips thrust up urgently as Even sucked the head of his dick into his mouth and licked it clean, but he never took any more than the head.  In fact, he pressed his forearm down over Isak’s hips to stop him from trying to force more of his dick into Even’s mouth.

Once Even decided he was done with Isak’s dick for the moment he pulled off and kissed down the shaft, briefly nosing at Isak’s balls before he licking a fat stripe up Isak’s perineum that had Isak frantically grabbing the base of his dick again.  Even’s hands ran up his calves until they reached his knees, using them to push Isak’s legs against his chest and then spread them further apart while Isak tried to pull himself back from the precipice.

“You’re so wet, Is.” Even was staring so intently between his legs that Isak almost wanted to close them.  This was Even, though, and that made him brave.

“Just for you.” Isak promised as he lifted his hips up invitingly, noting the way that Even’s eyes became impossibly darker.

“Fuck yes.” Even nodded.  Isak was mesmerised by Even’s face; his dark eyes and the flush chasing along his cheekbones and the sweat starting to form on his forehead, but just in his peripheral vision he could see Even’s arm moving up and down in a motion that could only be Even jerking himself off.

“Just like that knot’s just for me.” Isak said breathlessly, lifting his head up to try to get a glimpse of Even’s cock as it appeared and disappeared in his fist.

“Exactly.” Even agreed, his hand moving even faster and filling the room with the wet sound of precome being slicked over a dick over and over again.

“Are you gonna fuck your hand or are you gonna fuck me?” Isak huffed as he dropped his hips back down.

“Are you ready?” Even teased, finally taking his hand off his cock and pushing two fingers into Isak’s soaking hole.

“Yes.” Isak would have been embarrassed by the whiny tone of his voice if he hadn’t been so desperate for Even to just get inside him.  Even made a shushing noise as he pushed two more fingers in and flexed them around to be sure that Isak was ready, seeming to forget that an omega’s body was made to be ready for an alpha.

“Okay, baby.” Even finally seemed happy that Isak was 100% ready.  He stayed up on his knees, moving closer and closer until Isak’s calves were resting on his shoulders.  It only took a few seconds for Isak to decide that he loved this position; he loved how Even crowded close to him until he was the only thing that Isak could see or feel.

Even lined himself up with Isak’s hole, watching the way it clenched desperately for something to fill it, before finally pushing his way inside for the first time since his rut.  When he eventually bottomed out they both sucked in shaky breaths and let out even shakier moans, overwhelmed at how intense it felt to be so impossibly close to each other now that everything was out in the open and there were no more secrets.

There was nothing between them now.

Isak’s mouth fell open on a whimper as Even placed his hands on either side of Isak’s head, bringing them even closer together.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you.” Even whispered as he lowered himself closer to Isak.

“I’m right here.” Isak promised, running his hands up and down Even’s sides slowly.  “I’m not going anywhere.” Isak tilted his head up for a kiss, and Even fell into it gratefully.

“I love you.” Even said it between each languid kiss, until Isak swore he could taste Even’s words on his tongue.

“I love you too.” Isak couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.  He was so fucking lucky to have Even in his life, let alone to have him in his life as his soulmate.

Because there wasn’t a shadow of doubt in his mind that that was what Even was.

His soulmate.  The one.  The love of his life.

The acknowledgement that they had so very nearly lost each other just made the moment even more intense.

Even’s thrusts were slow, so achingly slow, and neither of them had the strength to break eye contact.  It just made every sensation more intense for Isak, the fact that they were watching each other’s faces so intensely, and he was reduced to a trembling mess under Even in no time.

When Even readjusted his forearms so that his hands could get into Isak’s hair, Isak felt himself clench tight around Even’s cock at the extra stimulation.  Even was being so gentle with him, slow deep thrusts and scratching his fingers over Isak’s scalp in the way he knew made Isak melt and giving him the laziest kisses with the briefest hints of tongue, and Isak felt like he was going to shake apart.

Their whole afternoon together had been quiet, and by some unspoken agreement their sex was quiet too despite them having the house to themselves.  There was no angry slamming of the bed against the wall, no filthy words, and no pornstar-esque moaning.  Instead there were wide eyes, wet kisses, love drunk smiles, declarations of love repeated over and over in the space between them as if they’d choke on the depths of their feelings if they didn’t get it out, soft gasps, and breathless moans as Even’s slow pushes inside of his body pushed them both closer to the edge.

“I’m close.” Isak’s hands were shaking as they ran up Even’s abdomen, feeling the way his abs contracted and relaxed.  Even didn’t say a word, but he changed the angle of his hips just slightly and on his next lazy push he dipped his head and sucked a mark on the exact patch of skin he had told promised to give Isak his claiming bite.

That barely there suction paired with the direct pressure against his prostate was all it took for Isak to fall apart.  His orgasm bordered on an out of body experience.  He felt like he could feel each sensation separately: his balls tightening, his blood burning in his veins, the come leaking out of him in a constant dribble rather than shooting up his chest like it does when he’s having rougher sex, his hole clenching tight around Even as his whole body seized up, his heart racing in his chest, his breath getting stuck in his chest as the pleasure overwhelmed him completely, and his legs clamping down on Even’s back and pushing their torsos close together.

Isak couldn’t remember having a better orgasm, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever match this one again, but as he started coming down from his own he felt Even’s cock pulse inside him with the start of his orgasm and it made Isak feel hot all over.

“Knot me.  Fuck, baby, please knot me.” He was whining, he knew he was whining, but he wanted it so badly.  They weren’t ready for claiming bites – they both knew that – but Even could still knot him.  He needed Even to knot him.

After all that talk of commitment and forever, the omega in him needed a knot to reassure him that Even really wanted to tie their lives together.  It was stupid and totally not necessary, but everything inside of him was telling him that none of the words would matter if his alpha didn’t give him his knot right now.

Some part of Isak’s brain remembered that Even’s meds prevented him from popping a knot every single time and was screaming at him that he would feel awful pressuring Even to give him something that he couldn’t control giving him, but Isak was too caught up in the swell of his orgasm and his newfound omega hormones to hear it.

“Fuck, I-” Whatever Even was going to say was lost to a low groan and one last hard thrust inside Isak’s slick wet heat, and when they felt Even’s knot swell inside of him they both almost sobbed with relief.

Even’s arms went weak as his orgasm hit him, and Isak pulled Even on top of him and pressed weak kisses over his face.  There was wetness against their cheeks and Isak couldn’t tell if it was sweat or tears, but it didn’t matter.

Nothing else mattered apart from the fact that they were together.

In every sense of the word.

Chapter Text

Isak’s first day back at school was a stressful event for everyone involved.

Even could tell that he was trying to play it cool, but after a sleepless Sunday night he knew Isak was stressing about going back.  Isak relayed messages the boys had sent him – namely that if anyone tried to start shit they would be right there with Isak – but from the way Isak’s hand was trembling in Even’s as they walked to school it was obvious that his boy was still anxious.

“Baby, I don’t think anyone is really going to care.” Even said for what felt like the thousandth time.

“You know when people found out I was gay these girls kept coming up to me and telling me how cute it was.  And now I’m gay and an omega.  You really think no one is going to care?” Isak looked defeated already and they hadn’t even got to Nissen yet.

“Okay, well if people do care just remember that it’s not actually any of their business.  You’re still Isak Valtersen, just like you were before Christmas.” Even squeezed Isak’s shaking hand, wishing he could give Isak some of his confidence.

The truth was: Even was worried too.  He was worried that some knothead was going to catch Isak’s new scent and clock his unclaimed throat and try their luck, despite the fact that Isak was saturated in Even’s scent.  Even knew he couldn’t control what the other students did, but he could help Isak from broadcasting anxiety chem-signals across half of Oslo.

An anxious omega attracted way more attention than a calm omega.

“Think how good it’ll feel to be doing something normal for once.” Even pulled Isak into a hug as Nissen came into view, pressing their foreheads together and giving Isak a small secret smile.

“Normal?  Don’t know her.” Isak joked weakly, but all Even cared about was the small smile Isak tried to give him back.

“Well, I know you.” Even dropped a light kiss to the soft tip of Isak’s nose before continuing.  “And I know that you can deal with anything.  I’ll see you at first break, okay?” Even promised.  As much as he wished that he could stay by Isak’s side all day he had his own classes to get to.

He just had to trust that Isak’s friends would get him through the morning.

***

“I feel like alphas keep staring at me.” Isak muttered into his arms, looking the picture of defeat folded in on himself on the table.

“They were probably just noticing your new scent.” Even rubbed the tense space between his boyfriend’s shoulder blades and looked helplessly over at Jonas.

“None of them tried anything.  Nothing’s actually happened, Isak.” Jonas said around a mouthful of sandwich.  Jonas’ lack of stress about the whole situation was exactly what Even needed to relax.  If Jonas – who loved Isak in his own way – wasn’t worried, then Even didn’t need to stress.

He just needed to help Isak work through his first day back anxiety.

“No one’s tried to assault me.  You’re right; I should be jumping for joy.” Isak snapped, lifting his head just far enough to glare at Jonas.

“I mean…that is a good thing?” Magnus frowned over at Isak, apparently not noticing Mahdi’s frantic stop hand signal next to him.

“The worst case scenario didn’t happen, whoop-de-fucking-do.” Isak’s back tensed straight back up under Even’s hand.  “That doesn’t mean today hasn’t been fucking stressful.”

“Dude, relax.” Mahdi shook his head.  “People are just noticing something different.  Besides: we don’t even have that many alphas at Nissen?  And one of them is Jonas.”

“Fuck you!” Jonas flipped him off around another mouthful of his sandwich.

“And you are dating one of the other alphas.” Magnus added helpfully.

“So that leaves…what, two or three other guys?” Even couldn’t help but join in.

“Even!” Isak whipped around to look at him furiously, but Even could see the rational part of Isak’s brain waking up.

“I know you’re stressed, baby, but think about it.  There’s not even half a dozen alphas here, including your best friend and your boyfriend.” For his next words Even dipped his head close to Isak’s ear because these words were for Isak only.  “Once you get used to being out, you won’t feel so exposed and threatened just walking around.” Even promised softly, squeezing Isak’s hand.

“That’s exactly how I feel.” Isak whispered back thickly.  “How do you do that?” He sniffed before burying his face in Even’s shoulder and wrapping his arms so tightly around Even’s neck that his breath got stuck in his throat.

“It’s my job to know.” Even kissed the top of Isak’s head before resting his chin there.  The boys were all eating and pretending not to have noticed Even and Isak disappear into their own little world, and Even couldn’t have been more grateful.

“Thanks.” He mouthed at them over Isak’s head, smiling at the three subtle nods he got back.

“You’re gonna be just fine, Is.” Even promised as the bell rang.

***

Thankfully, Isak’s first week back went without incident.  It wasn’t until Thursday – when everyone was used to his new scent and stopped turning their heads to see where it was coming from – that Isak finally relaxed for real.

They were lying together in Isak’s bed that evening after school; Even rubbing his hand in big slow circles over Isak’s back and enjoying the way Isak was practically melting on top of him.

Even couldn’t remember the last time he felt this at peace.

Isak’s room was warm, the bed was cosy, there were no more secrets between them, and they had both survived the week.

It felt like all the pieces of his – their – life were finally falling into place.  There was only one thing Even still felt like was missing.

“Hey, Is?” He finally began after minutes of anguish tossing and turning the idea in his head.

“Mmm?” Isak hummed drowsily against his chest, and Even squirmed at the vibrations that ran through him.

“We’ve really got everything together, haven’t we?” Even couldn’t help but smile.

“We have.” Isak smiled up at him, and the pink flush to his cheeks made Even’s heart melt.

“So…do you think you’d be interested in dinner with my parents this weekend?  Now that everything’s calmed down?” He was terrified that he was overstepping the line, but he really wanted Isak to meet his family.  His parents had been so understanding throughout his relationship with Isak, and he had met Isak’s mother; it just felt unbalanced now.

“That sounds really good.” Isak nodded against his chest, and Even’s heart almost exploded.

“Really?” He felt like an idiot for getting so excited.

“Yeah.  We got through all the hard stuff; now we can do the normal shit.  Like me meeting your parents and being terrified even though you keep telling me I have nothing to worry about.” It was pretty much what Even had said on Monday morning and he loved hearing Isak say it back to him.

Now we can do the normal shit.

Well hot fucking damn.

***

Even spent his Saturday morning in the kitchen.

His mother had offered to help him cook, but after half an hour of enduring Even’s obsessive backseat cooking she had tapped out and instead opted to sit with her tea and talk to Even while he cooked.

The rational part of his brain knew that the whole process would be a lot faster with two good cooks in the kitchen, but the irrational part of his brain that was so wildly in love was screaming at him that everything had to be perfect when Isak came over for dinner.

So, obviously, that meant running himself ragged cooking alone so that he could be sure everything lived up to his idea of perfection.

“Even, if you just let me help-”

“Mama, it’s fine. You won’t do it right and I’ll just have to redo it all, so let’s just cut out the middle man.” Even shook his head as he checked on the sauce, giving it a quick stir.

“You know, Isak isn’t going to dump you if he finds out you got some help cooking dinner.” Tove laughed.

“Don’t even joke!” Even felt like his entire relationship with Isak hinged on this dinner going well. What the hell was he going to do if Isak didn’t get along with his parents? How would they work around that?

If he really wanted to analyse what was going on inside his own thick head, he would say that he was hoping if he could just make the perfect lasagne then everything would go smoothly and that was why he wasn’t letting anyone else interfere with his cooking.

He never claimed that the inside of his head was a logical place.

“Baby, if that boy is half as in love with you as you are with him then you two are going to be just fine regardless of how tonight goes.” Tove reached over and grabbed Even’s hand, and for a moment Even let his mother’s reassurances soak in.

“Thanks, mama.”

“So, I was thinking for dessert-”

“No!”

***

Isak was due to arrive at 1800 and, apart from a brief text to say that he was on his way, they hadn’t really talked all day.  Even had no idea what his boyfriend had done with his day but he hoped it had been more fun than Even’s anxiety fuelled cooking rampage.

“Isak coming now?” Elise pulled at Even’s sleeve from where she was sat next to him on the sofa.  Apparently Even wasn’t the only Bech Næsheim keen to see Isak; his parents had got Elise and themselves ready by just after 1700, even before Even had finished cleaning himself up.

In fairness: Even had had to clean up the kitchen before he could clean himself up, so he was bound to be behind the last one ready.

And now they were all sat around waiting for Isak’s arrival.

“Soon, Ellie.” Even nodded.  “He’s on his way.” How was it that Even still got butterflies in his belly at the thought of seeing Isak?  Surely that feeling should have passed by now?

They were ten minutes into one of Elise’s cartoons when the doorbell rang.  Even shot off his seat like someone had sent an electric current up his ass and he darted off to answer the door.

“Walking feet inside!” He could hear Elise pipe up from the living room, but he was too focused on seeing Isak to find it funny.

As soon as he threw the front door open something settled inside of him.

“Good to see you, angel.” He whispered as Isak surged up the doorstep and into his arms, pressing his cold face into Even’s neck.

“It’s fucking freezing out here; let me in.” Isak huffed into his throat and Even couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him.

“Alright, alright.  Come in; everyone’s dying to meet you.” Even pulled Isak over the threshold and took a step back as Isak stomped his boots clean on the doormat before toeing them off.

“Everyone?” Isak repeated hesitantly, his eyes practically screaming at Even across the hallway.  “How many of you are there?”

“Just Ellie and my parents.” Even took Isak’s hands in his own and, after gently pulling Isak’s gloves off, he kissed each of Isak’s fingertips.  “Ellie already loves you, and my parents just want to meet the boy who has my heart firmly in the palm of his hand.”

“Christ.” Isak rolled his eyes, but Even could see the blush work its way across Isak’s pale cheeks.

“You ready?” Even checked.  As much as he wanted this meeting to happen he was ready to cancel it there and then if Isak wasn’t ready.

“As I’ll ever be.” Isak gave him a weak smile but Even knew how brave his boy was.

“I love you so much.” Even’s smile felt too big for his body.  There just weren’t words good enough to explain just how much he loved this boy.

“I love you too.  Now show me where I’m going before I change my mind.” Isak shoved weakly at him before changing his mind and gripping Even’s hand in a death grip.

“We’re in the lounge at the minute; dinner’s just cooking in the oven.” Even explained as he walked Isak through the house.

You could have heard a pin drop in the lounge and Even was silently cursing his parents for not trying to force a little bit of conversation so that it wasn’t completely obvious they had been waiting in breathless anticipation for Isak’s arrival.

“Isak, I’d like you to meet Tove and Johan Bech Næsheim.” Even said as he pulled them into the lounge.

“Hi.” Isak smiled nervously before the expression suddenly dropped.  “I meant to get flowers on my way here but I totally forgot, sh-” Isak caught himself before he swore in front of Elise, but Even didn’t even care.

“Flowers die; I always thought they were a terrible gift.” Johan waved away Isak’s confession.

“Yes, we know you do.” Tove rolled her eyes and then looked at Isak.  “Not even once have I got flowers from this man.  Not once!  Can you believe it?  I hope Even learns from his father’s mistakes.” Tove gave Isak a conspiring wink, and Even couldn’t have loved his mother more.

“You never complained about the chocolates you got instead of flowers!” Johan exclaimed.

“Chocolate?!” Elise stood up on the sofa.  “Daddy?” Elise looked over at Johan expectantly, squealing with laughter as he swooped her off the sofa.

“Maybe after dinner.” He offered as he sat her back down.

“Not dinner yet.” Elise shook her head and Even’s heart melted as she gave Isak a very serious stare.  “Have to wait.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay.” Isak smiled back at her.  “Gives me time to see you!  And meet your mama and papa!” Even knew Isak was unsure of how to act around Elise, but as far as Even was concerned he was perfect.  He couldn’t stop his thoughts from straying to how Isak would be with their own little girl one day.

“Isak sit!” Elise insisted, patting the sofa next to her.

“Sure.” He agreed, pulling Even down to sit next to him.

“You feel better now?” Elise clambered onto Isak’s lap and Even watched sympathetically as Isak paled.

“Y-yeah, Elise, I feel much better now.  Even looked after me.” Isak forced a smile and Even squeezed his hand.  “And your card was really good; thank you.” Isak added, making Elise beam.

Thankfully the oven pinged on dinner before anyone else could grill Isak about his health.  They all moved through to the kitchen and sat themselves around the table while Even got the lasagne out of the oven.

“So, Isak, you’re the year below Even?” Tove asked as Even plated up the food.  He couldn’t help but see his great lasagne as a good omen for the evening.

“I am.” Isak kept shooting him nervous glances until he finally sat down next to him.

“Do you have a favourite subject?” Johan asked, keeping the questions small much to Even’s relief.  “Even always loved drama and media, but that was always more Tove’s area than mine.”

“I like the sciences.” Isak sounded so unsure of himself.  Even wished he could just give his boyfriend the confidence that he had in him.

“Science!  A thinker!” Johan grinned.  “I like you already.”

“One down, one to go.” Isak joked, surprising even himself if the look on his face after the words left his mouth was anything to go by.

“Oh, honey, you’ve had my vote for a while now.  This is just a formality.” Tove winked.

“Really?” Isak’s eyes widened.

“Of course.  I could see how smitten Even was with you; it was good to see that spark back in him.” Tove smiled.

“He’s been almost disgustingly smitten.” Johan nodded as he tucked into his dinner.

“Wow, thanks, dad.” Even rolled his eyes.

“And you made quite an impression on Ellie.” At the sound of her name Elise looked up and gave everyone a sauce-covered smile before delving back into her dinner.

“Sounds like you’re already a Bech Næsheim, baby!” Even grinned over at him and covered Isak’s hand with his own.

“Sounds like it.” Isak agreed, the shock clear on his face.

“I’m glad you guys are on board with us.” Even turned back to his parents, excitement bubbling in his chest.  It was all coming together!!

“That sounds serious.  You’re not pregnant already are y- ow!” Johan jerked in his seat as Tove smacked him in the arm.  Even had told his parents about the likely lifelong after effects of years of suppressant abuse, but of course his dad managed to stick his foot in it anyway.

“No, we’re not pregnant.” Even squeezed Isak’s hand, not needing to look at his face to know that Isak was tensing back up.  “But we are decidedly serious about this relationship.” He continued.

“You’ve been through a lot together.  Those experiences are usually make or break.” Tove nodded.

“It definitely made us.” Isak said quietly and Even turned to look at him, trying to imagine what the fuck he would have done if he’d lost Isak.

“We’re both all in.” Even told his parents as he turned back to face them.  “We’re going to give each other the bite.  Not right now, maybe not even this year, but somewhere along the line we agreed it’s going to happen.” Even announced.  As the words were coming out of his mouth it occurred to him that maybe he should have warned Isak beforehand that he was planning on telling his parents this, but it was already too late.

“Wow.” Tove sat back in her seat.

“That’s a serious step, boys.” Johan looked between them, and for once Even saw what the university students meant about his dad having an unnervingly sharp stare.  It was like his dad was staring right into the heart of him and assessing everything he found there.

Before Even could defend their decision, Isak was talking.

“I know exactly how serious it is.  It’s funny; my mama had the worst thing possible happen to a bitten omega and when I told her today that I was going to let Even give me the bite straight away she said she was surprised we hadn’t already claimed each other because she thought we were that solid together.  She experienced the pain of having the alpha that bit her just up and leave her, but she still thinks me and Even can do it.  That we’re the real deal.”

Even’s heart was hammering in his chest as Isak spoke, and the only sound apart from Isak’s voice was Elise’s fork scraping her plate obliviously.

Isak had told Marianne they were going to bite each other.

“She actually told me that when you know you know, and if I know anything it’s that Even’s the one for me.” Isak looked over at him and bit his lip shyly, like he was embarrassed to have said so much in front of Even’s parents, but Even felt like he was king of the fucking world.

“When you love someone it’s difficult to imagine being with anyone else.  You two have gone through a lot together in not very much time.  All we’re asking is that you don’t rush into it.  Your mother and I had been together for a good few years before we decided to give each other the bite.” Even was aware of Johan’s voice but all he could really take in was Isak next to him.

“Johan, don’t be such a stiff!” Tove slapped at his arm, apparently snapping out of her shock.  “Our son is thinking of giving someone his bite!  This is a big moment!”

Even had never loved the romantic in his mother more than he did right then.

“But I agree with your father, don’t rush.  Take your time.  Get to know each other a bit more now that things have calmed down before doing any biting.” Tove advised.

Even was about to say something but Elise got there first.

“We no bite.  Teeth for food.” Elise frowned at them all, and just like that the tension broke.

“Good point, Ellie.” Johan nodded.  “We don’t bite, do we?”

“No!” Elise exclaimed, her eyes widening.  “Not nice!”

“We’ll see what you say when you’re older.” Even muttered, earning himself a flick in the forehead from his mother across the table.

“Don’t confuse your sister!”

“Alright, alright!” Even held his hands up, but he couldn’t hold his laughter in.

Dinner went smoothly after that.

Everyone – apart from Elise who was already finished – went back to eating their dinner, and they moved onto lighter topics of conversation than binding their souls together.

They talked about plans for university, if Isak had any idea what he wanted to do with his life, what it was like for Isak living in a kollektiv, all the normal things parents would ask their child’s partner when first meeting them.

Even was finding that he loved being normal with Isak.

After getting the big biting talk out of the way, though, Isak seemed to find his voice.  Soon enough he was laughing and joking with Even’s parents as if he had known them for years, and it was even better than Even had dared hope for.  Isak was his witty charming self and Even could see his parents being won over.

Clearly it was impossible for a Bech Næsheim not to love Isak Valtersen.

Chapter Text

3 months later

“How much shit do you own, Even, seriously?” Elias complained as he dragged another box out of the van.

“My boyfriend’s apparently a hoarder.” Isak laughed, sharing a conspiring look with Elias.

“Why can’t you be more like Isak?  He got his whole life into like a bin bag of clothes and one box.” Magnus huffed.

“Yeah, but I mean that’s more because my life’s a shit show than anything else.” Isak shrugged.

“Less so now, I hope.” Even came up behind him and Isak melted into the contact as Even wrapped his arms around his waist.

“I’m moving in with the man of my life; couldn’t be better.” Isak tilted his head back and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his face at seeing Even.

“Stop being disgustingly in love and help unload all this shit.” Jonas called over his shoulder, arms straining with the weight of the box in his arms.  A few years ago Isak would have salivated at the sight of Jonas’ arm muscles flexing like that, but right then all he could really concentrate on was how warm and tight Even’s arms felt around his waist.

“We’re coming, we’re coming.” Isak laughed, squirming on the spot as Even tucked his face into his neck.

“Save that for later.” Mikael whistled.

“Ah, shut up.” Isak rolled his eyes, and he could feel Even rolling his eyes too, just before they moved apart.

“For real though, babe, how do you have so many boxes?  I didn’t take you for a hoarder.” Isak commented as he reached into the van and tugged a box closer.

“You’ve been in my room, Is, you know I’m a mess.” Even laughed as he grabbed a box.

“And yet I decided to move in with you any way.  What does that say about me?” Isak wondered as they walked into the flat building.

“I don’t know, but I’m so fucking glad you did.” Even bumped shoulders with him as they walked up the stairs.

“I’m undecided at this point.” Isak teased.

It was a blatant lie and they both knew it.  They were both ecstatic about taking this step in their lives.  It was true that some of their friends had had their doubts about them moving in together when they hadn’t even been dating for a year, but nothing could have dissuaded them.

They’d gone through so much together and now they just wanted to start their lives together like a normal couple.

The last few months had been incredible in how ordinary they had been.  Things had only got better since meeting Even’s parents properly.  They had got to know each others’ friends, they’d done the boring catch up with school work thing, and they had even been able to go on some more proper dates.

Honestly, Isak was in heaven.

So when Isak realised that his lease on the room was close to its end, he’d taken the leap and asked Even if he wanted to move in somewhere together.  And now there they were: unpacking all their shit into their flat with the help of their friends.

“Dude, are you going to feed us?” Mutta asked breathlessly as he dumped his box in the kitchen.

“No, we thought we’d use you all for free labour and then send you on your way so we could break our new bed in.” Isak deadpanned, watching the way everyone’s eyes widened.

“Dude, you’d better be-”

“Of course I’m joking.” Isak snorted.  “Once the last few boxes are in we’re gonna order pizza.  It’s not like the fridge freezer is fit to store food in yet.”

“You can say that again; I looked in the fridge before and I’m pretty sure it looked back at me.” Mahdi shuddered, making everyone laugh.

“Yeah, we have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow.” Even nodded, coming up behind Isak again and resting his chin on the top of his head.  “You especially if I get you as dirty as I’m hoping tonight, angel.” Even breathed in his ear and Isak felt his temperature spike about ten degrees.

“I don’t know what Even just said, but it turned Isak into a fucking tomato.” Magnus snorted, clapping his hands together.

“Probably nothing we want to know.” Adam said wisely.

“Couples have to have some secrets.” Even winked.

“You and Isak fucking as soon as we’re out of here isn’t a secret, bro.” Elias clapped Even on the shoulder as he went past them.  “There’s only one more box, so you two have done pretty well only carry – what? – two boxes each?” He called back over his shoulder.

“It’s a sunny day and we’re in love, what do you expect?” Even yelled after him, tightening his arms around Isak’s waist.

“How about we just order the pizzas, babe?” Isak suggested.  Joking aside, Elias was right: they hadn’t exactly pulled their weight on this move.

They’d been too caught up in their own little bubble of loved-up excitement to concentrate for longer than a few minutes at a time.  It was a warm sunny day; the universe was practically begging Isak to smother his adorable boyfriend is kisses.

“Now that’s more like it!” A couple of the boys cheered and Isak squeezed himself out of Even’s embrace to sit on the floor and get his phone out.  Even’s parents were coming around a little bit later with their sofa bed – they’d all put some money in the pot for that, because neither Even nor Isak’s separate beds were suitable for their new place – so for now the boys would be using the floor.

It took longer than it probably needed to for everyone to decide what they wanted, but the reality of the situation didn’t really sink in until Isak was typing in the delivery address.

Their address.

Who’d have fucking thought?  Isak Valtersen moving in with his alpha boyfriend.

***

“Fuck, baby, we have our own home.” Isak gasped out between kisses.  The boys had been gone for a couple of hours and Tove and Johan had just left from bringing their sofa bed.

And Isak and Even were already desperate to break it in.

“Get to come home to you every day, angel.  Like a fucking fairytale.” Even had him pressed right up against the door and was kissing all over his throat and it was making Isak dizzy.  Maybe that was why he said what he said next.

“Bite me.” He moaned, tangling his fingers in Even’s hair to try to ground himself.

“What?” Even lifted his head from where he had been sucking on Isak’s throat but it did nothing to clear the fog in Isak’s brain.

“Bite me.  Fuck what everyone says.  Bite me.” Isak was whining, he knew he was whining, but he couldn’t help it.  He was sick of waiting to take the last step with Even.  It was stupid; they both knew that they were meant for each other, why were they letting other people dictate the timeline of their relationship?

“Is, this is serious.” Even was taking a step back but Isak followed immediately.

“So am I.” He was going to have to cool his jets if he wanted Even to listen to him properly.  “We said after I met your parents that we knew we wanted to take this step.  Why not now?”

“We’re just moving in together.  Don’t you want to space out the big moments?” Even joked, but Isak could see that Even was tempted too.

“Why?  We have so many more big moments ahead of us that we can space out.  But right now, today, I can’t think of anything better than taking that step with you.” Isak whispered, running his hands up Even’s chest and pushing his hoodie off his shoulders.

“You’re the one for me, Is.” Even breathed, his eyes skittering all over Isak’s face.

“I want to take this step with you, Even.  I know that we’re going to last, I know that my life is meant to be all mixed in with yours, so why shouldn’t we take this step that’s just going to make things even better between us?  Because other people are telling us not to?” Isak wrinkled his nose.

“Fuck that.  Only we can feel what we feel, and I know you want this too.” Isak wrapped his arms loosely around Even’s neck and watched Even’s face as he processed what Isak was saying.

“Only we can feel what we feel.” Even agreed, bumping their noses together.

“And?” Isak’s blood was practically fizzing with excitement.

“And I want to feel your throat between my teeth.”

“Fuck.” Isak whimpered.  “I want it too.” He nodded frantically.  He should have known that the first night in their flat was going to end up a complete sex fest.  They’d proven over and over that commitment got them both hot under the collar, and moving in together was a pretty damn big commitment.

“Bed?” Even’s eyes were dark and Isak was fucking captivated by them.

“Right here.” Isak shook his head, knotting his fingers in the back of Even’s shirt before yanking it over the top of his boyfriend’s head.

“Yeah?” Even was already panting and grinding his hips against Isak’s and Isak was melting.  “Right here against the door where anyone could hear you?” Even tugged him closer and started working on the button of Isak’s jeans, dipping his head back down to suck at the skin over Isak’s Adam’s apple.

Isak hadn’t even known that part of his body was so sensitive before he got with Even, and now it was one of his top three orgasm triggers.

He couldn’t contain the sounds that were trickling out of him.  He was like putty under Even’s ministrations; he barely had the wherewithal to move his arms from around his boyfriend’s neck and continue undressing him.  He just wanted to hold on and let Even rock his fucking world.

“I can’t believe I get to do this with you.” Even groaned and Isak could feel the vibrations of Even’s voice in his own throat.

“I love you.” Isak whined high in his throat, scraping his fingers down Even’s bare back before remembering what he had been trying to do.  He slid his hands down the back of Even’s jeans and under his boxers and bit his lip at the feeling of warm skin.

“Love you too, angel.” Even suddenly dropped out of Isak’s reach, kissing down his still-clothed chest until suddenly he was yanking Isak’s boxers down with his jeans and exposing Isak’s half hard cock to the cool air of their flat.

“Too many clothes.” Isak shook his head and yanked his shirt off.  The next thing he knew Even was grabbing his hips – his huge hands didn’t span Isak’s hips any more, not since his body had caught up with where it should have been after all that time on suppressants – and tugging him forwards until Isak felt Even’s tongue teasing the head of his dick.

“Ev, oh god-” Isak broke off as his knees went weak.

“Love seeing how you’ve changed.” Even’s breath was so hot between his legs and it was driving him crazy.  Even was planting gentle kisses along the stretch marks on Isak’s hips and Isak could feel his thighs trembling and slick trickling from his hole.

“Evy, baby, c’mon.” Isak wasn’t in the mood for teasing, but Even clearly was.  He stayed there on his knees in front of Isak: kissing each and every stretch mark across his hips before dropping his kisses lower until he found Isak’s lower lips, nestled between his balls and his hole.

“You’re so fucking wet for me.” Even hummed appreciatively before burying his head between Isak’s legs, alternating between catching Isak’s slick on his tongue and probing his hot tongue between Isak’s wet folds.

He had thought it would be weird when his body finally went through the changes it was meant to, but Even had loved him through the hellish two and a half weeks of his omega channel fully developing and Isak could see how much Even loved all the different ways he could stimulate Isak now.

He was pretty sure that a big part of the reason Even loved his pussy was because it had the alpha in him thinking about babies, but when he asked Even he always denied it.

“You’re t-taking too long.” Isak complained before grabbing a fistful of Even’s hair and trying to pull him back up.

“Am I?  My baby getting impatient for his bite?” Even teased as he ran his nose over the delicate skin between Isak’s legs.

“Yes.  What sort of alpha are you?” Isak knew he was being a brat, but he was wound up so tight and he needed Even to just fucking do him.

“I’m the alpha who’s about to tie his life to yours forever.” Even growled, and the vibration against Isak’s cunt was just too much.  His knees gave out from under him and he pretty much fell on top of Even with all the grace of a tranquilised elephant.

“I can’t wait.” Isak shook his head frantically and pushed Even down so that he was lying on his back on the floor of their hallway.

“Can’t believe how keen you are for it.” Even leaned up and tried to catch Isak’s lips in a kiss but Isak pushed him back down, using his hands on Even’s chest to keep him balanced as he straddled his hips.

“Keen for you.  For your bite.” Isak was probably going to be fucking mortified when he looked back on this later, but in the moment his brain felt so scrambled he couldn’t have filtered himself even if he had tried.

“God, I can’t wait to love you for the rest of my life.” Even’s hands were running up and down Isak’s sides and goosebumps chased Even’s touch along his skin.

“I feel like I’ve already loved you forever.” Isak’s sentiment might have sounded more romantic if it hadn’t come out on a long moan as Isak lowered himself onto his boyfriend’s throbbing dick, but it was what it was.

They both swore as Isak bottomed out, clinging onto each other as they adjusted – Even onto Isak’s thighs and Isak desperately digging his nails into Even’s chest – until slowly Isak lifted himself back up before dropping back down.

And then it was almost a competition between them: who could inflict as much pleasure on their partner as possible before one of them shot their load.

Even flipped them over – apparently not satisfied with Isak’s pace – and in a feat of strength Isak hadn’t expected he pulled out and hauled Isak to his feet before slamming him against the wall.  Isak’s brain was still trying to catch up with the sudden movement while Even gripped under one of Isak’s knee and hoisted it over his hip before pushing his way back inside Isak’s tight slick heat.

“Oh fuck!” Isak choked out, his head dropping back against the door with a thud.  Anyone who walked along the landing or up the stairwell would know exactly what they were doing and it just got Isak even hotter.

“Alpha enough for you?” Even panted in his ear as he set a punishing pace with his hips, melting Isak’s brain with pleasure.

“M-maybe.” Isak taunted, unable to resist the opportunity to tease his boyfriend even when he was being fucked hard and fast against the wall.

Even just pushed his hips harder, grinding right up inside of Isak and rubbing against his prostate deliciously until Isak was a moaning sweating mess.  His dick was straining between them and drooling pre-come like no tomorrow but his brain didn’t feel connected to his body any more and he couldn’t make his hand move to take the pressure off.

“Close, angel, m’close.” Even moaned breathlessly into the hot skin where Isak’s neck curved to his shoulder.

“Bite me, fuck, you’d better fucking bite me while you’re still inside m- oh, God!” Isak broke off, his body going haywire as Even’s teeth sunk surely into the skin over Isak’s Adam’s apple.

Just like he promised, just like he promised he would, was all Isak could think as endorphins flooded through him.  That was the moment Even stuffed a hand between their sweat slick bellies and palmed blindly at the head of Isak’s cock, and Isak was pretty sure his entire consciousness as a person shot out of his dick.

Even had to hold Isak up as he shook his way through his orgasm, but eventually gravity won out and they slid onto the floor.

“Shit, baby,” Even groaned helplessly, lying on his back and letting Isak rest on top of him.  Isak couldn’t stop shaking.  He was vividly aware of Even’s dick still inside of him, rock hard and ready to go, but his body was going into what he could only describe as a post-biting daze and he could hardly move.

“Can I come inside you or do you need me to pull out?” It still blew Isak away that Even asked him questions like that instead of just taking what he wanted.

“Inside me.” Isak managed to mumble.  He still needed to give Even his bite and he wanted Even to feel what he had felt.

“I love you so much, angel.” Even hooked a finger under Isak’s chin and tilted his head up to give himself the access to lick into Isak’s mouth.  Isak didn’t have the strength left in him to kiss Even properly, but he chased Even’s kisses as best he could.

It didn’t take long for Even to start moving again.  He planted his feet against the floor and pushed slow and steady into Isak, filling the flat with the sound of slick and his ragged breathing.  Isak felt loose and warm and sated, but he knew what he had to do.

He littered kisses all over Even’s throat and neck to keep him guessing, and it seemed to be working driving Even wild because Even’s hips started jerking with increasing desperation until Isak bit down with more force than he had ever bitten someone in the spot he had promised Even all those months ago that he’d leave his bite.

Even came hot and hard inside of him, and Isak cried out against Even’s throat at the feeling of Even’s come spurting inside of him when he was so sensitive from his own orgasm.  Thankfully Isak’s cry was muffled by the skin of Even’s throat that he still had clenched between his teeth as he felt himself stretch to accommodate Even’s knot as it popped.

It wasn’t until Even went slack under him that Isak let go of his boyfriend’s neck and flopped, boneless, against his torso.

He just about managed to stay awake long enough to slur out something that he hoped sounded like an ‘I love you’ before his body gave into the exhaustion.

***

When Isak woke up he wasn’t on the floor, and there was definitely no boyfriend intimately attached to him.

He was on their bed – complete with clean sheets! – and in pyjamas that were definitely Even’s.  He was vaguely aware of the tap tap tap of someone using their laptop nearby and he assumed it was Even doing some schoolwork, so he took a moment to enjoy having their double duvet all to himself.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Even called softly from across their tiny living space and Isak poked his head up drowsily.

“What time is it?” Isak sounded like he was drunk, but Even seemed to understand.

“It’s about 10.00.” Even said casually, like he wasn’t telling Isak that he’d slept for over twelve hours.

“Cuddle.” Isak pouted, lifting up the edge of the duvet pointedly.  Even didn’t protest; he moved easily off his chair and slid back into bed, immediately wrapping Isak up in his arms.  Isak couldn’t help but notice that Even was wearing his pyjamas.

“How d’you feel?” Even checked as he smoothed his fingers through Isak’s hair.  It was almost enough to put Isak back to sleep, but he forced the tiredness away.

“Like I got hit by a monster truck.” Isak rubbed at his eyes before giving up and burying his face in Even’s neck.

And that was when he remembered.

“Shit!” He sat up straight and yanked the collar of Even’s shirt down, and he felt his heart stop in his chest.

There it was.  His claiming bite, still red and tender on Even’s neck.

“Holy shit.” He whispered.

“Are you still okay with it?” Even asked carefully and Isak snapped his gaze up to Even’s face.

“I’m more than okay with this.” He promised.  His gaze trailed back down to Even’s bite and he couldn’t help but reach out and trace his fingers across it, grinning like an idiot at the way Even stretched into it.

“Feels good.” Even hummed appreciatively.

“Good.” Isak murmured.  “It should feel good; it’s there to remind you how much I love you.” It was at that moment that Isak remembered his own bite.  He hadn’t even seen it yet.

“Don’t try to get up yet, angel, you’ll hurt yourself.” It was like Even read his mind.  Hell, maybe he had now that they were bitten mates.  “Here.” Even pulled him back down into their snug little nest and Isak snuggled into Even’s side while his boyfriend fiddled with his phone.

And then suddenly the camera was being held above them – courtesy of Even’s long arms – in selfie mode and Isak could see his own bite.

“Holy shit.” He apparently couldn’t think of anything else to say that morning.  He tilted his head back and butterflies erupted in his belly at the sight of Even’s claiming mark right there across his throat.

“Do you like it?” Even sounded almost shy and that didn’t sit right with Isak at all.  He turned to look at Even, unable to quash the huge smile on his face, and pressed a kiss to the corner of Even’s lips.

“I love it, baby.  I love you.” He whispered against Even’s cheek.  “You’re the only person I could ever have done this with.  Thank you.” Isak pressed another kiss to Even’s cheek before tucking his head in the crook of his neck.

“Hey, Is?” Even asked softly, his lips brushing against Isak’s curls.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t wait to start living the rest of our lives together in our own little universe.” Even pressed a kiss to the top of his head and Isak fell in love with him all over again.

“Me neither.” He snuggled closer, basking in their shared warmth and Even’s scent.

He wasn’t sure how long it took but he was aware of himself falling back asleep, tucked up cosy with his boyfriend in their own home.

***

Isak woke up to his phone beeping somewhere nearby, and some part of his brain knew that he should probably get up now.  He propped himself up on his elbow tiredly and grabbed at his phone, and the notification at the top caught him by surprise.

Even Bech Næsheim has tagged you in a post.

Even hardly ever used his instagram, which was what made Isak press the banner before anything else in his notifications.

And then, there on his screen for the whole world to see, there was a photo of him and Even in bed.  He hadn’t noticed Even taking their picture while they had talked, but there was the evidence carefully edited to be brighter here and sharper there right in front of him.

He couldn’t even be mad because it was a gorgeous photo.  Even had a huge grin on his face and it was obvious that Isak was oblivious to the camera as he kissed Even’s cheek, but both of their bites were clearly on display.

What really made it for Isak, though, was Even’s caption underneath it.

For altid ♥

Chapter Text

Three years later

Isak had always known that he would have less time than his friends.  That was why he made sure to appreciate everything that he had while he had it.

That, and the fact that he knew he was damn lucky to have what he had with Even.  He couldn’t believe how far they had come: from a turbulent start as a secondary school relationship moving in together before they were really sure they could live together, to a strong couple of almost three and a half years living in their second flat (considerably nicer than their first place, which they both agreed was a shithole) while Isak studied at uni and Even flourished in his post-qualifying paid apprenticeship.

Isak had never imagined that his heart could be so full.

He felt like his life was exactly where it was meant to be; even when one of them was having a shit day Isak couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be.  After a long day at uni there was nothing he loved more than going home and getting to work on his homework in the lounge, knowing that Even would be home a few hours later and they could have dinner together at their little table.

They tended to cook together rather than trade off nights, which is what they used to do when they were younger, because they both not-so-secretly loved the domesticity of it.  Thankfully after so long together Isak’s cooking had got better, so it wasn’t the end of the world if Even had to work late and dinner was all down to Isak.

Everything had really fallen into place for them.  Even was now getting paid to do what he loved rather than making coffee and Isak was working his ass off in uni to qualify as a biochemist in the hopes of one day being part of curing diseases.

It hadn’t all been roses and champagne for them, but Isak would rather endure hell with Even every single day than lounge in heaven with someone else.  Isak was sure that no one else could have supported him like Even had, and he hoped that Even felt the same.

Not long after they had moved in together, when they were still trying to find their rhythm and routine, Even had had a bitch of a manic episode.  Even couldn’t remember most of it, and Isak could only remember a week and a half long blur of terror until Even inevitably crashed.  Even had gone back to the doctor after that and they had adjusted his medication in light of his new hormone levels – after mating an alpha’s hormone levels changed significantly, which in hindsight Isak felt like an idiot for not thinking of – and since then Even had only had a few minor episodes.

A few months after that Isak had his first heat, and it was quite possibly the worst four days of either of their lives.  Despite his body finally having gone through all the changes it had been supposed to, everything in him still fought against heat.  He had been a sobbing mess in the middle of their bed as his body tried to fight off its first cycle.  He had tried to deal with it on his own using some of the toys in their bedside cabinet, but his body demanded a real knot and eventually he had to give in.

There had been nothing sexy about it.

Even had held him while he cried and shook and sweat and whispered soft soothing words in his ear as he pushed into him for the first time since Isak went into heat.  Isak would never know how Even managed to get hard in that scenario, but he was eternally grateful because after being knotted by his alpha Isak’s body started to get itself back together.

Eriksen had told them at their next appointment that it would take a few cycles for Isak’s heats to settle down and be an enjoyable experience, and Even had been amazing at helping Isak get through those hellish weeks until finally they got the classic heat experience a whole seven months later.

The other plus side of at long last having regular heats was that Isak could finally start taking birth control.  They had got that prescribed straight away on Eriksen’s advice, because although they had come to terms with the fact that Isak would probably never get pregnant it would be good for regulating Isak’s hormones and stopping his heats from being too intense.

They had even had to deal with a few acts of hate for being such a cliché in the exquis community.

People had accused Even of oppressing Isak, of forcing him into submitting and showing his throat for a bite, which had made Isak’s blood boil.  On the flipside: there had been several female omegas who looked down on Isak for letting an alpha claim him at all, arguing that Isak was exactly the sort of stereotype that omegas were trying to move away from and that he personally was setting omega rights back just by walking around with Even’s bite on his throat.

It was the sort of shit that would have broken Isak as a young teenager, but not any more.  Isak had grown up a lot, learned a lot, and he was finally able to say that he was an omega with pride.  Not long after his hospitalisation and detox Eriksen had given him a leaflet for an omega support group, and he still went religiously to this day.

Although now he was going as a motivational speaker rather than a terrified young omega needing help.  There was nothing that made Isak feel quite so fulfilled as going into that room and telling young omegas that it did get better, that there was nothing they needed to be ashamed of, and seeing the fragile glimmer of hope in their eyes as they listened to him with the desperation of people who wanted to believe things were going to be okay for them.

He and Even were both now part of a hom-ex queer pride group that Eskild had introduced them to, and they had even marched in a pride together.  It had been the craziest, most magical experience of Isak’s life.

There was no doubt in Isak’s mind that the good in their lives outweighed the bad.

But there was still part of him was still scared that he wouldn’t live long enough to see his dreams come to fruition, or even long enough to finish his qualification, and he knew that Even worried about it too.  It was obvious whenever Isak got sick – which he did quite often, seeing as he had about as much immune system as a dead fish – that Even was also painfully aware that Isak’s lifespan was going to be considerably shortened after years of suppressant abuse.

That was why they were both worried by the sudden turn Isak’s health had taken in the last couple of weeks, although they were both trying to downplay it for the others’ sake.

The first thing they had noticed was how down Isak was.  Everything was exhausting him, no matter how small a task it was, and Even could see the tiredness behind his mate’s smile.  Isak just couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm for anything no matter how hard he tried.

He just wanted to sleep.  Most nights now Even would get home and Isak would have nodded off right on top of his homework and Even would spend his first hour back home rubbing the knots out of Isak’s neck and shoulders at sleeping in such a ridiculous position.

The killing blow for both of them was when Isak started complaining about a weird feeling in his abdomen after a week of what seemed like non-stop peeing.  Neither of them said it but both of them were terrified something was going on with Isak’s kidneys.  They were undoubtedly the weakest part of Isak’s body after all that dialysis, and Eriksen had told them that even if they did everything right there was still a strong possibility of Isak’s kidneys failing in the future.

That was what brought them back to Eriksen’s office in late February.  He had taken some of Isak’s blood after listening to them regale him with Isak’s symptoms and told them it would take a while for the results, and today it was finally results day.

Even was holding onto his hand so tightly while they sat in the waiting room, and Isak had to shake himself out of his reflections of their life together.

“Hey, Ev?” He whispered, not wanting to speak at normal volume when the waiting area was so quiet.

“Yeah?” Even’s attention was on him immediately, and Isak hated how worried Even was.  He hated doing this to him.

“You know, even if it is bad news…we can deal with it.” Isak promised.  He had no idea how, but he knew that they would.  They were Isak and Even: they had proven over and over again that they could deal with whatever the universe threw at them.

“I don’t want it to be bad news.” Even shook his head and it broke Isak’s heart how thick his voice was.  “We’ve hardly had any time together; it isn’t fair.” Even’s voice broke and Isak immediately got off his chair and pushed himself onto Even’s lap.

“We don’t even know what the results are yet.  It could be nothing.” Isak knew he was doing a 180, considering that he was the one who had brought up the possibility of it being bad news, but it was clear that Even wasn’t in the right place to hear what Isak had been going to say.

He had a feeling that if he told Even right then that he had already lived more life in the few years they had been together than he had ever thought possible for himself that Even would probably completely crumble.

“God, Isak.” Even didn’t elaborate on that thought; he just hugged Isak close to him and pressed his face into Isak’s bite and drank in his scent.

“I love you.” Isak buried his face in Even’s hair and they sat there clinging onto each other trying to silently reassure each other that things really were going to be fine until Eriksen finally called them through.

Even stood up with his arms still tight around Isak, and Isak could tell he almost considered carrying Isak through before he reluctantly set Isak down on his feet and took his hand instead.

And, like many challenges before, they walked in hand in hand.

“How have you been since our last appointment?” Eriksen asked as he closed the door behind them and they all sat down.

“Still exhausted and peeing all the damn time.” Isak sighed, and Even gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“He just doesn’t seem himself.” Even added, which made Isak feel even more deflated about the whole situation.

“Are you still going to your classes?” Was Eriksen’s next question and Isak nodded.

“It’s not so bad that I’m, like, bedridden.  I think we’re both just worried a lot because of my history?” He explained.

“That’s completely understandable.” Eriksen nodded sympathetically.

“So do you have the results?” Even’s leg was jumping up and down and it was making Isak hyperaware of his own jumpy leg.

“I do.” The air seemed to leave Isak’s lungs at Eriksen’s confirmation.  They watched with mounting tension as Eriksen clicked around on his computer before looking back to them.

This was it.  Fuck, Isak wasn’t ready.  He needed more time-

“Brace yourselves, boys.”

Isak held onto Even’s hand impossibly tighter as if that could protect them from the blow.

“You’re pregnant.”