Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ah! Yes! Fuck me harder! Y-Yes! There!

My hands begin moving, stroking as I pick up the pace. My mind is caving in on itself, just staring at this porno that managed to load after 10 minutes of waiting for it to fully load without any sudden buffers or other annoying crap. My Dad is gone on a business trip for a week, and I'm masturbating at 7:35 A.M trying to get my urges satisfied before Michael gets to my house in his car; I begged him to pick me up today because I didn't want to have to get teased throughout the bus ride or walk to school, only to arrive sweating and stinking. He's been my best friend for 12 years, and I count on him for almost everything, we have each other's back and it's great. 

My phone buzz and the text from Michael rests on my screen. 

'jere im outside'

There goes my session. The only thing in my hand right now was the pre-cum from hitting the part where he put his dick in her, yea.. I clean my hand with the tissues I had placed on the table beforehand incase I actually finished and needed to wipe off my shame. I end up only wiping away semi-shame, which is both a good but bad thing. I step into the bathroom to clean up more properly since touching Michael's anything with my gross pre-cum filled hands is just gross and distasteful. My eyes land on the mirror.

Over frizzed short hazel brown hair, paired with light blue eyes and acne spreading across my face like stars in the galaxy. That's me.

Jeremy Heere.

And I'm one of the bigger losers of Middle Borough High. 

I'm one of the tallest kids in my class, but not the most muscular. I'm skinny, pathetically so, and my hands are rather boney. Michael isn't much difference when it comes to an attractive level, he's chubby and short. Typically having naturally short thick hair that I'm usually jealous of, it's not frizzy and it's in a style that's typically obtained through gelling your hair, but his' is all-natural. He never changes his style, and that's fine, he's more of a retro type of guy; His skin is tan and his eyes are a more gentle hazel like color. While I'm as pale as one could get due to the fact my family is primarily American/European, Michael's family came from Cuba, or that's what he tells me. His skin is tanner thanks to his family line, and a lot of racist kids tend to throw a few slurs at him for it. I get called 'Pale ass' for my white skin, so there's another thing we used to get along on. 

I realize I'm probably keeping him waiting, and step out my door after locking it and notice the painfully red PT Cruiser parked in front of my house. If Dad wasn't on that stupid business trip, he would've had a field day about this horrendous parking spot. 

"Thanks, man, I owe you," I say first thing, when I step inside his car, treating myself to the passenger seat. I hear the sound of him slurping down a Seven-Eleven slushie he's never seen without before he stops to address to me.

"No problemo, Jere." Michael responded with his typical aloof smile resting on his face. Michael was a crazy guy, not in a bad way, he's a lovable crazy guy. Never without a bag of sushi, nor cup of a large Seven-Eleven slushie, Michael seems to just make any situation better when he's there with me. Of course, he's my best friend, one would assume he would make life a bit better just by generally being there. He started up his car, driving us to school as I took to watching the amazingly boring scenery of New Jersey, the green state that was, big surprise, not really green. I've seen more trees lined up in New York City, but what can you say, that's the New Jersey charm. 

Michael indulges in asking me if I'm free today and during the weekend to try getting stoned in his basement while watching someone play and fail at Apocalypse of the damned. I'm not paying attention admittedly enough since I'm thinking about something that has nothing to do with the conversation going on, but to keep Michael, I said I was free those three days and would be able to get stoned with him. I haven't touched a blunt ever, Michael is a stoner for sure, and he gets high off his socks a lot during the weekend, but I never did since I never had an initial interest to do it. Dad would get on my case if I came out unable to respond and reeking of Marijuana, besides the euphoric aspect of doing weed never appealed to me anyways. I get the same euphoric feeling just jacking it off while watching some sexy lady sucking a dick. 

But to each their own, I guess. 

We arrive at school and already different group of kids find it necessary to occupy the front of the building just relaxing and talking about whatever floats their boats. Michael locks the car doors and motion for me to follow him. Entering the building, the school was alive and frankly annoyingly loud. I could hear everyone's conversation, and I feel my hearing have a tough job trying to filter through all the conversations and just trying to focus on Michael's voice. He's talking about how this guy might just beat the game and how they could use his strategy to beat the game themselves. I'm trying to listen, I really am, but god, the noises are just too loud. I reach my locker, and open to hearing Jenna Rolan- One of THE popular girl in school as well as a serial gossiper - talking about some incident where a girl lost intentionally at pool to screw Jake or something. I don't care and never will. 

"In other news, I heard there's a new kid at school and he's totally hot," Chloe says. Chloe is another one of those popular girls. 

There's another guy at our school? 

Michael stopped talking mid-way me going through my locker and I haven't noticed. Sorry, Michael. I close my locker door, noticing that Michael had put on his headphones for a moment, he owns these pair of headphones that are pretty cool. They've been working since last year and even got them labeled 'L' and 'R' for aesthetic reasons I'm guessing. Pulling them down, he looked up at me with his expression being eager to talk and overall happy. It's totally wrong, but if Michael was a girl, I would've definitely fallen for him. He's just so... cute when he looks at me like that, so eager and determined. Like a pup looking at its loving owner, wanting to play. 

"Ready, Jere?" He asks; I nod in response. We walk alongside each other, typically I drop him off and walk to my own class but he started walking me to class and walking to his own by himself. People tend to forget the little details, but since Michael's my only friend - I know, that sentence is a very sad thing to read - that's all I notice. The little details. His hair, the way his smiles are when he's lying, happy, excited, sad, or anxious. It's scary how much you can read a person's face when you've been around them for years. You don't just wake up one day going, 'Hey! I'm totally know all of my friend's facial expressions now!' It's more of you wake up one morning, realizing that you know all of your friend's facial expressions without breaking a sweat. I may, or may not, be speaking from experience. 

I’m pretty surprised the sheer livelihood of the school, kids that usually look dead inside and outside talking like they were given a shot of heroin. Talking nonstop and smiling like freaks from that one weird game that was being made by the same people that made BioShock. The one with the happy people, but are actually pretty psychotic. I wonder if anyone here knows what I’m talking about. Back to the topic at hand, Michael noticed it too, looking around and then at me, like I hold the answers to it. Surprisingly, I do for once. It’s the new kid, I heard this all over the place. ‘New kid this’, ‘New kid that’.

He must be the son of someone famous, or just really really hot as Chloe said. Maybe both. That would be hell for nerds all over the school, another pair of hands pushing us against the metal lockers of Middle Borough High. I wonder if I can sue them for causing bodily harm when I get out. That money would be some nice College money that is much needed. I barely take 3 steps forward before I hear that familiar voice.

“I haven’t actually met him yet.”

Her voice blessed my ears, it was like angels singing, and I just to want hear it forever. Christine Canigula. The gem of the shit hole known only as Middle Borough High School. Passionate about theatre, and personally in my humble opinion, one of the best actors that usually participate in the School’s plays. She’s... Mesmerizing. Beautiful. Gorgeous actually. Amazing...

Actually, just go to Thesaurus.com and search up synonyms for ‘Amazing’ and ‘Beautiful’. That perfectly sums up Christine Canigula. I sigh lovingly, you might not have guessed it yet, but Christine Canigula is one of my biggest crushes since 6th grade. She’s beautiful, and not in the skinny fake way that you would see on the front covers of most fashion magazines, she’s like Michael, chubby but in a healthy way. Her hair is short, and the perfect shade of brown, her smile is the most adorable thing I have ever let my eyes seen, and she can get really passionate for musicals.

Christine is pure, and that makes her even more adorable.

But I’m not an idiot, I know what’s within my boundaries and what’s not. Thinking that I have a chance with Christine is the last thing that would ever pop on my mind, but that doesn’t mean I don’t try. The most I got was saying ‘hi’, before running away before saying another word. We’re in a few classes together, and I tend to stare at her from a distance, but she doesn’t notice - Thank Christ - If she did, she would think I’m more of a loser than everyone makes me out to be.

In this school, I’m the Chronic Masturbator, a poor sad fuck who can’t get laid and instead has a loving relationship with their Macbook, watching porn every day and jerks off to the slightest touch made with me. The only friend I have is Michael, he’s a great guy, the best thing I could ever ask for obviously, but he isn’t very popular at school either. I know he hates it, but he’s known as just the stoner kid that is essentially a loser like myself. You can’t have one without the other, the school thinks, so after a while, we’re just seen as the gay loser kids.

Along with the slurs from the racist overrated white kids, we both get homophobic slurs, like faggot, dicking sucking queer, and I have a personalized one, ‘Queer stick’. If I wasn’t used to the harassment thrown our way, I would’ve found great offense with that, but honestly?

I’m pretty proud they took the time to come up with a special insult just for me. No one else is known as ‘Queer Stick’. Just me. It’s not the fame I wanted, but any fame is relatively fine. Doesn’t help when I get pushed aside then receive some pretty nasty stares and hear others call me a freak and claim I’m going off to jerk off from being bumped into. They laugh and point their fingers like little kids.

For a moment, I forgot I was in high school and thought I accidentally stumbled back into pre-school with the maturity level I’m reading from everyone.

Michael doesn’t care about it. Slurs? Physical Harassment? Nothing phases this kid, I’m stuck between thinking he’s bottling stuff up to maybe he really doesn’t care. We’ll be talking, and some snobby ass rich kid pulls up beside us and calls us ‘faggots’ before shoving us down onto the ground. He’ll just stand up, help me up and continue our conversation like nothing happened with a smile on his face. I don’t get mad, it’s hard to piss me off when you’re used to something, but I do have moments of anger when I notice the bruises and marks the harassment has taken on Michael.

I share some too, but I bruise easily. The shock factor went away after a while, with Michael, he doesn’t bruise at all. Something so rare like a bruise on his face from punches pushes and other things always makes me feel… Angry. At the world, for making him go through something really shitty that he doesn’t deserve, and at myself because I’m not strong enough to defend him. It’s always him sticking up for me.

I just wish that I was stronger, maybe even popular so I could help out my best friend.

Michael walks me to my class and gives me a wave before heading out. I sit down at my usual seat at the back and wait for everyone to flood in, sitting down in their usual spots. I feel a sigh of admiration seep out of my mouth when I see Christine walk in the classroom sitting down in the front as always. Before anyone could call me out, I sneak towards the front, taking a seat 2 rows away from the front. Jake Dillinger, Jenna, and Chloe all sit in their own little circle, talking about the new kid. Christine is being forced in the conversation by Jake, who gives her this aloof smile, and I feel the pencil in my hand snap in two. Well shit, that was a good pencil too.

“I heard this kid was a SQUIP,” Jenna said, moving her head in a quick motion that sweeps the hair out of her face and over her shoulder. It’s a graceful action and I wonder how long it took for her to master it completely. Probably more than a week for sure.

“SQUIP?” Christine asked in a soft, delicate voice. I pretend to be doing work, the substitute (the teacher is absent) isn’t caring if we do the work, but the kids upfront will care. They’ll think I’m eavesdropping, which I am, but I don’t want them to know about it. The buzzing of the light and the lively hood of the class today because of the absence of our teacher makes it hard to concentrate on the topic they were discussing amongst themselves. I look at the time for a moment, and I notice it’s 8:37 A.M now.

“It’s short for ‘State Quantum University in Pennsylvania’.” Jake explained, pressing back against his chair like he owned the darn thing. If I did that, I would’ve fallen back, it happened before, like twice.

“Oh wow… Is that- Like a really good university?” Christine asked.

“No duh, Christine. It’s the place where all the geniuses go. You can’t apply for it, they have to scout for you,” Jenna spoke, her attitude was so egotistical, like she, herself was accepted to that pristine sounding school. Her legs crossed in that way, and she crossed her arm as well, wearing this bitch smile on her lips. I don’t know what else to call it, except what it is. Bitch smile. I feel like I’m watching Mean Girls reenacted in front of me.

“What's someone like that transferring here for?”

“I heard he was looking for someone to help out. You know, rub off some of their own intelligence in someone not as fortunate,” At this point, I wanted to groan and go back to doing my own things. That sounds like an egotistical jackass that thinks they’re a god among everyone else because society gave their intelligence a higher number. Sure, I can’t tell you most equations from the top of my head, but if you asked me to recite every single Pokemon from Pokemon Red and Pokemon Blue, trust me, I would do it. I could even do the rap if I was given 5 minutes to recall it.

Then again, knowing Pokemon doesn’t help unless I’m applying for a job in Nintendo, specifically to in the Pokemon Department, and I have no drive to do such a thing.

I continue to eavesdrop while doodling on a blank notebook page.

“Huh, when is he coming in?”

“I heard today.”

“That’s cool.”

“Mhm, Brooke saw him, and she said he was a tooootal hunk.”

I don’t really care anymore, I lose my interest and return to drawing something more detailed than whatever the hell this slab of shit was. It looked like a fail attempt at doodling Michael. I erase it.

Chapter Text

In the middle of this boring class, I ask the substitute if I could head to the bathroom. He doesn't look really happy at my question and roll his eyes telling me to make it snappy. I rush to get out of the classroom and leave my stuff; I didn’t really plan on skipping class, I enjoyed doodling in there, and the next class was going to be a pain in the ass.

I walk down the halls and notice a lot of students cutting classes, the usual ‘bad’ teens that skip because they don’t have anything better to do in there, Dad calls them punks, I just think they don’t give a shit. I know I’m right when I say that. The halls are narrow at my school, the classes are on one side, and a row of metal lockers on the other side. The corners are sharp and easy to miss if you don’t keep an eye out for them.

This School is really old so the lights make these buzzing sounds like the bulb is being buzzed dried of their necessary energy to keep the school filled with light. I understand that they’re needed for students to see, but it’s day out and really sunny now, why can’t we just use the natural light? We could use the money saved for better desks because the one at our school sucks badly. They're marked with the usual 'blank was here', 'blank x blank forever', not to mention the amount of dried gum stuck to the bottom of each desk.

I make it in the bathroom and I notice someone in there already. My eyes feel like they’re going to pop out of their socket because - Not gay by the way - This guy is unbelievably handsome.

His hair curls in this way that people work their ass off to achieve, it’s a strong black and the light doesn’t seem to make it look worse like for most people. The color is vibrant and alive, filling me with this urge to run my hand through it and see if my theory that the hair is incredibly soft is correct or not. Seeing his hair then remembering about mine makes me feel like I have old grandpa hair.

Nobody likes grandpa hair.

His face structure reminds of that of Christine Slater but younger. The one that played the psychotic teen in that one teen drama. Freckles washed over his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose, and holy shit his nose. Some people’s nose are too big or too small, to slanted, with a small unattractive bump and other shit, but this guy's nose is literally, and I mean literally I’m not misusing that word, okay sorry, Literally has the perfect nose. Not too big, not too small, straight, and big at the bottom just enough to fit within his face like a satisfying puzzle.

Nothing was wrong with this guy’s appearance, his eyes were an icy blue and I feel it freeze me solid and my chest was falling in on itself. My mind was screaming me to head back to class so I don’t get another bully because this guy is too good looking to be humble. No way.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to come in at this time.” He spoke softly, oh god his voice is worthy of girl’s orgasms.

Why is this guy hot and perfect sounding, what the shit?

“I- Uh, I- Hm.. Uh..” I want to hide in the stall and puke. Why am I such a loser?

“A-Are you the new..?” I end up puking out the words. It’s just a mess of vowels that leave my lips and I already regret opening my stupid mouth. This guy is going to think I’m a total loser of sure.

“New kid? Yes, I am. And you are?” The new kid lifts his eyebrow, putting his lips in a position of questioning. Barely a muscle moved in his face, like it knew what to do without messing up, and I only start noticing how many freckles this guy has.

Answer: A lot.

“Uh- J-Jeremy Heere.”

“Here?”

“Yea, H-E-E-R-E. Heere. People think I’m Jeremy H-E-R-E.” I explain, talking to him makes me feel surprisingly calm after the first few sentences. He doesn’t call me names so far, and I hope this keeps up, I don’t want to have to avoid another person so Christine doesn’t think I’m an absolute loser.

“Intriguing. My name is Keanu Quantum, but most here have already referred to me as ‘SQUIP’.”

“Your last name is Quantum?”

“And your last name is Heere.” Salty. Real salty.  I lift my hand in a defensive manner.

“Woah man, chill. I wasn’t making fun of it, just curious why ‘Quantum’ is a last name now.” He walks towards me, not menacingly like he’s going to punch me but like he wants a closer look at me. If someone like Jake was doing this, I would’ve run back to class before I would’ve gotten my ass handed to me for no reason. The new kid - Keanu - looks down at me, he's taller by at least a few inches, being outgrown like this makes me feel pathetically small. Now I know how Michael feels at times.

“You’re not that popular, are you?” Keanu speaks softly like the words were fragile pieces of glass that if spoken in a tone louder than a whisper would break into tiny unmanageable pieces. I became too entranced to become angry for some reason. This guy demands your respects and trust, I couldn’t help but give him all of mine.

“You certainly guessed right,” I mumble in a more annoyed than aloof tone. My hands fumble into my pocket, was figuring that out really simple? I don’t think he realizes but I feel my insecurity starting to pour onto my feet as the thought that I really was that much of an obvious loser pretty much start popping right now. I feel like I’m being put under search with his eyes, they’re staring down and it’s starting to get creepy until he smiles, yea smiles, and walks back to the sink turning on the water.

“You intrigue me the most out of the others I’ve seen so far attending this dumpster of a school.” I have to say, he’s pretty right about the school.

“I intrigue you..?”

“Yes.”

He walks up to me again, his foot going in front of the other like he practiced this for years, for this exact moment and considering what I’ve been hearing about him, he might’ve been. I don’t realize what’s happening until I see him take out his phone and pass it to me. I stare up stupidly, as he continues smiling like he has what he wants.

“Wh-”

“I want to exchange numbers with you.” Oh.

OH.

I fumble to get my hands out of my pockets quick and grab his phone, I feel like I’m handling some sort of alien device, it’s sleek, thin, and I could swear on my life it was 30 years beyond our time. I punch in my number and put my name on the contact name slot and press create. For a moment, as his contact list pops up after I press ‘create’, all I see are 4 contacts.

Boss, Christian, Jeremy (me), then… ‘That one boy’.

He takes the phone once he sees I’m done and reviews the information I put in. He sends a text to confirm and I hear my phone vibrating in the back pocket of my pants. I pull it out and read the oddly sophisticated text he wrote to me.

‘I want to make sure you weren’t pulling any tricks on me. This is your number correct?’

“Yea... That’s my number. I’ll add you in.” It doesn't take long, I create a quick contact, named it ‘Keanu Quantum’ still think that is a bogus last name, then again, Heere. The phone is shoved back into my pocket and I wonder what he plans to do next, he gives me this look like he’s pondering something before taking out a piece of paper, it’s folded in an oddly shaped way.

“I was given a schedule but the school hasn’t actually given me time to figure where my classes are before it ends. I’m looking for this class.” He unfolds it and shows it to me. It’s in Michael’s class. I smile up at him, glad to know I can help the kid out with this.

“I know where it is, that’s my friend’s class, his name is Michael,” I explain, saying Michael’s name gives me that jolt of energy; He’s really a marvel and I wonder if Keanu would get along with Michael. I mean, I hope so. Maybe if we’re his friends the bullies would stop harassing us. For a moment I see something weird on his face though, like an expression. His eyes widened, and his lips opened, cracking open I should actually say, I feel like I said something that surprised him but it was gone so quickly, I almost thought it was my imagination pulling on my dick now. Quickly recapturing the composure he seemingly lost in that slip frame, he makes a small acknowledgment noise and I shrug off that moment as a reflex or something.

I motion him to follow, and sure enough, he does. A lot of the same cutters stare at us, like we’re the town freaks, well at me at least. With Keanu, they’re surprised. Probably because some hot new kid is hanging around this lame dweeb, tall ass as a lot of people calls me. I reach the class he’s supposed to attend and give him a shaky smile. He doesn’t seem to care, only extending his hand for me, and I take it. His handshake is firm, and he doesn’t seem disgusting with touching someone like me, I feel rather glad that I asked to head to the bathroom, just at that moment, Michael steps out with this bored expression before stopping and staring at us, mid handshake with a shocked expression.

“Michael!” I exclaim, a smile creeping on my face as he looks at me with his brows furrowed for some reason.

“This is the uh, new kid! His name is Keanu Quantum, he’s actually in your class.” Michael stares at him then at me, before putting on a smile, nodding at Keanu. His smile seems off.

“Nice to meet ya dude,” He says with this grumble-like tone, “I have to head to the bathroom so I’ll see you later, Jere.” This time, he’s dismissing me as he walks past us and towards the bathroom.

“That’s weird…” Michael’s usually so nice, and friendly towards everyone, but with this guy, he was uncharacteristically cold. My hands rub the back of my neck as I face Keanu again, “Sorry about that, I don’t know what got into Michael. He’s a cool guy, I swear. I’ll text you when I can though.” He didn’t seem to mind Michael’s behavior, the same welcoming - Handsome too - Smile stayed plastered as he nodded.

I wave, heading back to class but right when I turn to enter the door, I could’ve sworn I saw Keanu entering the bathroom Michael went in at.

I ignore it, and enter the classroom, sitting back at my seat.

Chapter Text

The bell rings throughout the school and everyone starts to file out of the classroom. It’s lunch now, so I pack my stuff and start heading out to meet up with Michael. I hear his voice calling out to me the moment I walk out of the classroom and notice that he was waiting for me by my class, which never happens unless something is up. My hands lets go of the strap that I was gripping and let it fall to my side as I stare at Michael with this perplex look on my face.

“Is- Something up Michael?” I ask.

“Hm? No, why?” He turns slightly, motioning for me to follow him. I do.

“Usually we meet up at the Cafeteria, you never pick me up from my class unless something is up.” I’m following him but I could see the corners of his mouth tilting upward in a sort of smile from what I’m seeing. I guess I was wrong.

“Oh, really? I didn’t notice I did that. I just wanted to pick you up from class because Mr. Garrison let us off the hook earlier.” Michael turns to me for a moment, and I could’ve sworn - seriously - that his face was redder than normal. I wasn’t able to really comprehend what it might’ve been since he looks away as quickly as he looked towards me. I want to question him more on it, but I decide to let it go. If he says nothing is wrong then nothing really is wrong.

The lunchroom is full as always. Kids are everywhere, and there’s nothing but loud noise, people laughing and screaming too. There are tables scattered everywhere, and they all seem to be filled with groups of people who are part of a clique. The ‘cool’ kids tend to sit near the exit doors for some reason, and the theatre kids are typically seen to the walls. Everyone else is gathered amongst their own sub-clique in the middle of the room. The Anime Geeks, the Band Geeks, the math geeks, the Asians. I feel like I’m watching a civilization form every time I step into the lunchroom and just really look at it.

Michael is grabbing lunch for me since he already has food to eat, while I pick out an empty table. There’s a small one by the trash cans, it’s completely empty, so I sit down in it because the only groups around in other tables are the quiet kids and the weird sweating kids that seem to faint if you talk to them. That’s when Rich comes by and makes everything worse, his presence is all that’s needed.

The thing about Rich is that he’s incredibly short, one of the shortest guys in the grade, but what he lacks in height, he makes up for in strength and muscles. He’s the only openly bisexual guy in our school, dating a SQUIP - a student attending ‘State Quantum University In Pennsylvania’ - I have no idea who it is, but apparently his boyfriend attends the parties that Rich are invited too - Which are a lot - and everyone seems to adore him. I was never invited to those type of parties so my opinions on the guy I have never met remains neutral to a slightly confused shrug. He snickers and purposely bump into me.

“Watch it tall ass!” I look down at him and give this both somewhat nervous but also exasperated look.

“You bumped into me..” It’s a mumble, but apparently that’s enough for him to hear me. He pushes me roughly again, towards the trash cans.

“What did you say?! You want to say that to my face, huh?!” If I don’t do something, he’s going to push me into the trash can and I already see a bunch of kids staring at us, even Christine. I hear the lunchroom almost coming to a full silence until the doors open. It’s eerily loud, and I hear his voice shoot through the noises.

“I suggest you stop doing that before I break your hands.”

Rich seems to have frozen up, quickly turning to face the person who said that. It’s Keanu, he holds this unsatisfied rather angry expression on his face, and for a moment, I feel afraid as well. Everyone whispers as they watch silently, Keanu walking towards Rich; I hear another pair of footsteps running towards me as I see Michael putting down the tray on the table near us and quickly tending to me with worry flooding out of his eyes.

“Jeremy! Are you alright?!” He asked loudly, I sheepishly nod, looking at Keanu, he- helped me out?

“K-Keanu! My Maaaan, how’s it uh, how’s it goin’?” Rich seems to be nervous. It was so out of character, and I feel there’s a reason for it. Have Keanu and Rich met before? I’m presuming considering Rich knows Keanu’s name. Wait, Rich’s boyfriend is a SQUIP, is Keanu Rich’s boyfriend? From the way they’re addressing each other, I’m guessing not. You don’t just go to your boyfriend and say, ‘hey I’m going to break your hands’. That’s pretty fucked up.

The expression on Keanu’s face doesn’t drop at all, it remains stoic and cold.

“Be mindful of who you harass. He’s with me.” I could swear I hear the entire cafeteria gasp right then and there. Jenna stands up.

“George?!”

“Jeremy, actually,” I speak up.

“No one cares,” Clearly, people do. “He’s with you?!”

They look at me like it’s all my fault for not telling them I was friends with a SQUIP, how could I? I just met the guy! I look at Michael for a moment, and I didn’t know what to do.

Michael was furious.

He has this glare in his eyes, a glint that I had never seen before, and he looks like he’s about to attack. My hands fumble to reach his red sweater, but I grip on to hold him back if he does decide to attack, the last thing I need is for Michael to get in trouble for attacking Rich (Or at least I think he wants to attack Rich). Rich mumbles an apology before slipping away and out of the cafeteria. Keanu looks at me and the angry expression washes away.

The cafeteria continues to become gradually loud again, but the popular table remains quiet, staring at us like hawks. Michael stares at Keanu before looking at me for a moment, his hands gently go over mine and takes it away from his sweater, I don’t realize how soft his hands are until now. Wait, that’s a weird thing to realize, I take that back.

“Are you alright, Jeremy?” He asks in his usual sophisticated tone. Stupidly, I nod. He smiles at me, and sighs.

“That’s good. Would you care to grab something to eat with me?” Was he asking me to sit with him? I hear Michael clear his throat before I could say something, whispering that he had already gotten me something to eat. I look back at Keanu, waiting for my response with that really calming smile on his face. I can’t ditch Michael, he’s my best friend. Besides, I don’t know Keanu that well. Maybe next time.

“Sorry, Michael already got me lunch. Maybe Monday if that’s- you know, fine with you.” I’m scared he is going to give me that angry look he gave Rich and tell me off for declining but instead he remains to have that calm expression and nodding with this pondering stare in his eyes. He looks at Michael, then at me, before smiling more naturally - And fuck is it handsome - He opens his mouth to speak.

“Understandable. I’ll text you later, Jeremy.” He turns and leaves. Just like that, no insults, no dramatic shifts. Just, understanding and leaving. I feel my cheeks burn slightly just watching him go so nonchalantly, I never was a firm believer in those girls that describe every motion the person did in great detail, but I could see now where they were coming from. He moves so gracefully, like an ice skater, each step so perfectly calculated I could’ve sworn he was just sliding through the air without the clunkiness of walking on the ground. No wonder he’s already popular here, he’s like those unrealistically attractive guys in movies that claim to be high schoolers, the difference is, with Keanu, you can actually believe it.

School ends with nothing too great happening, I got some stares during the last period but I know why that is. Everyone is shocked the school’s greatest loser of all is actually friends with the untouchable god known as the new SQUIP student. He sends me a text once the bell rings saying he wants to meet up with me on Sunday. I ask what time, walking out of the school and seeing Michael waiting for me at the front entrance of the school, his hoodie up and listening to whatever his headphones are blasting. His eyes land on me, and immediately takes them off, smiling so happily at me while waiting for me to walk to him.

“Ready?” He asks when I get to his spot.

“Ready.” I confirm.

We arrive at Michael’s place not long after meeting up at the end of the school day. He tosses his bag onto a corner of the basement we settle in, I smell something familiar and I roll my eyes. He’s already going at it with the weed. Can’t blame him, he did have a rough day. I throw myself down onto the comfortable set of bean bags that are usually set out where they always are, and I look at Michael, watching him sit down, and puff out a bunch of smoke rings. It’s his way of impressing me, and it always works.

“Michael,” I start, “Why- did you start you know, doing that?”

“Hm?”

“Doing weed.” It’s stupid, but I never actually asked this before. I always accepted the fact he smoked and that’s that. Today made me question it because let’s face it, it’s been a hell of a day already.

“When I was younger, my brother used to do weed, and boy did he get stoned. Waaay more than I ever dared to go.” He starts, Michael’s eyes are distant and staring at the console that we play AOTD on. I never really heard much of Michael’s brother, one day he just… tried to kill himself. He was found passed out, bottle of pills beside him and sent straight to the hospital; He’s alive but stuck in a mental institute to help him regain his ‘sanity’ or something. I never bring him up with Michael, because well, no shit, it’s a brother who tried to kill himself, you can’t just spring that in a conversation. Michael inhaled sharply, like recalling the story hurt him in a way nothing else did.

“I came home one day, upset because I really liked this guy and- I didn’t know what to do. I felt stupid, I felt.. I felt like- I was wanting too much. He saw me making a fuss out of it and he just handed me his blunt, and I remember his words. ‘The world is a rough place kiddo, it’s never fun to go out there sober, ‘cause you’ll be nothin’ but hurting’. We spent the whole night talking, laughing, me coughing up the smoke a lot.” Michael chuckles in a dry manner. Hearing the story makes me feel terrible for opening my mouth. Michael’s brother meant a lot to him, at least to a certain point, and having him gone was one of the worst things ever.

“Do you still know the guy?” I ask.

“Yea.” For some reason, I feel my heart sink.

“Oh. Do you still like him?” Michael came out as gay to me a few years back, and I don’t have a problem with it.

“Yea…” Michael answered hiding his face a bit from me, before taking another hit from his rolled up joint and handing it to me.

“Wanna try?” I blink, shaking my head.

“No thanks, I feel like I’ll get an asthma attack from that.” I try to tease playfully, get a small smile out of his cute chubby face - Did I really just think that? - and it works, at least for now. Laughter bubbled in his throat, and it came out like a child’s giggle, soft, sweet, and genuine. Embarrassingly, I feel like I’m watching a humanized puppy try to bark like it’s parent, instead of a loud trembling bark, out comes a small squeak.

At this moment, my phone rumbles, and I pull it out seeing the text display on the screen.

‘Anytime is fine, when are you free on Sunday?’

Michael notices and asks who it’s from, I remember how cold Michael was when they first met so I lie.

“Dad.”

“Tell him I said hi,” Michael says.

‘I can meet up at around 6 PM if thats fine. Location?’

“Done.”

“Wanna watch the video I was talking about?” Videos? I have no recollection of him mentioning videos, but I’m already in too deep when it comes to making myself look like an ass. So I nod.

“Alright, I’ll grab my bluetooth speakers. They’re in my room.” Michael hums out those words as he takes off his sweater as usual during this time. He leaves it on the bean bag and starts heading upstairs to his room. When I hear the door close, I grab his sweater to inspect the patches he had ironed on throughout the years. The pride flag patch was a special one. I got him that on his birthday the year he came out, it’s around the time people started thinking we were a queer couple. I don’t regret getting him it, he loved it and I couldn’t be happier about it.

The rest are a whole other story, Michael got a heart patch over his heart as a small quirk I guess, and the rest of the patches, the Nasa one, the pac man one, they were his brother’s.

I run my fingers through the fabric, and it’s soft. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I get curious and gently shove my face into the fabric, taking a deep sniff.

It smells like weed smoke, sweat with a hint of Michael’s cologne.

It’s not a bad smell, I take another wiff, it’s comforting and familiar. My mind takes the scent and makes a rather vivid image of Michael beneath me, staring up at me with those dark, beautiful eyes and how his arms just-

What the fuck.

I pull away immediately, gasping slightly for air as I feel my cheeks burning up. That was freaky, I sigh to myself and take off the thin little sweater thing that barely keeps me warm on the cold days and toss on Michael’s sweater. I like how the soft fur inside cuddles against my skin and keep me warm within the air conditioned basement. He never minds it because why would he? We shared a bed before, he doesn’t mind if I wear his sweater or not. I grab my phone and see Keanu’s response.

‘My apartment.’

He sends me his address and I save it on a memo.

‘Alright, see you then’

I toss my phone to my bag. I lay back on the bean bag and take in the fresh weed scent the basement has adorned now. I remember smelling it for the first time, how it smelled terrible and I wanted to cough up my lungs, but now, it seems familiar, comforting and rather nice at times. I hear Michael shout something in frustration, and I smile, chuckling while listening to his footsteps rushing back towards the basement.

“Sorry that took a while. I kinda misplaced them again.” He sits down beside me, fiddling with it for a moment while taking out his phone and doing the same thing to it. I see him trying to get it set up, and I lean my head back; I feel something watching me and turn to be pleasantly surprised with a Michael staring at me with a shocked look on his face.

“Problem?” I ask with a lazy tone.

“My sweater…”

“Oh yea, I’m wearing it. Do you want me to take it off?”

“No! No... It’s uh, It’s fine if you wear it. It’s a nice look on you.”

“Oh, thanks. I’m not much of a hoodie person but this might change my mind.” I playfully jest. Michael lets out a small chuckle as he finally connects the bluetooth speakers to the phone, he calls over to huddle up near the phone to watch it and so I do. Scooting over, I have my eyes on the phone and see the title of the video has it loads.

‘Beating the impossible [AOTD #18]’

I don’t personally watch this guy, but I know that Michael is a sucker for his sense of humor, and while he did try to get me into it, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. It was more of a Michael thing, rather than a ‘we can totally laugh at this together because it’s really funny’ thing. I don’t mind watching it with him though, anything with him is instantly pretty fun to do.

Even at times when the activity/item in question is pretty dull.

The video takes up the majority of the day, I see the time and notice that it’s around the time I should start heading out. I grab my bag, and take off Michael’s hoodie, folding it for him and leaving it on the bean bag for him to take to his room later. I thank him for letting me stay over for the day and he waves dismissively saying that I don’t have to thank him for anything, he just likes my company anyways. Hearing something like that gets me to be a bit bashful, I don’t take compliments very well considering I don’t get them that often, and when I do, they’re pretty unexpected. I make sure the door is locked while I’m heading out and throw on my bag as I start making my way to my house, which isn’t that far from Michael’s.

I remember being scared as a kid when I left Michael’s house one time and Dad wasn’t able to pick me up due to some circumstances. The way the wind would howl in a weird way, and the menacing way the leaves would just move to scare you when you’re at your most tense moment. Barely anyone is out, and when they are, it’s not weird to get a bit tense. New Jersey is ‘safe’ but not that safe, a lot of shit goes around, and if Michael, a student in High School can get his hands on weed, you know that some freaky shit can be happening off-camera.

Of course, I’m older now, so getting scared while walking home from Micahel’s is a thing from the past. At most, it’s a 5-minute walk, at best, I can get home in 3 minutes. I take out my phone while I’m half-way to my house, and I can barely see it.

Finally getting in, I leave my bag at the front and head to my room, throwing myself onto my bed before taking out my phone again. I hear my phone buzz, and see a message from Michael pop up.

‘Ready for some aotd tmw?’

‘Ready as Ill ever be’

He wanted to beat that level for a while now, and while it’s really hard, I’m sure we can do it. That video he showed me was pretty informative of a strategy we can do. I take a deep breath, moving to my side as I start feeling sleepy from all the crap that happened today. I still wonder why Michael seems to be rather cold when it comes to Keanu, but I think I’m just overthinking it. Michael was never very social, hence why it’s usually just us in the basement instead of going someplace like an arcade all the time. Those are special days when we’re celebrating or something. I don’t mind it, but I wish he could be nicer to Keanu. He’s a good guy, he stuck up for me and even offered me to eat with him.

Either he’s just wasting my time for some elaborate joke which doesn’t make sense considering his attitude and what he did so far, or he might have actually proven me wrong. He was handsome and humble.

Honestly, you can color me surprised and excited to have a link to popularity town. It’s wrong to want to use someone to be popular, but he’s really cool and if he likes me, that means the other cool kids would maybe tolerate me too, right?

I mean, on his first day, already Rich respects him.

It had to work on the others too.

I stop thinking eventually, and end up falling asleep on my bed.

Chapter Text

Sunday came by quicker than I expected. Saturday was more of a lazy day between me and Michael, we didn’t do much beyond playing AOTD and losing a bunch of time before giving up and ordering a pizza while watching some old movies that are laughable now. I wanted to relax with Michael, with him, I’m always in a good mood but considering what Keanu could’ve wanted on Sunday which was the next day, I was distracted. I know Michael knew that I was off, he didn’t mention anything, and a part of me was grateful for that. I know he doesn’t like me talking about Keanu with him, I don’t know why but I mentioned him once during Saturday and he was eager to change the topic.

Something just felt off. Really off.

Nonetheless, I wait around in my room before I notice the time and start heading out for Keanu’s apartment, the weather is chilly and I have to put on something a bit more. There’s this grey sweater that I have in my closet that I barely use because while it does keep me warm, the fur inside it isn’t very comfortable and makes my skin itch. I would throw it out, but I don’t have many sweaters anyways, and coats just don’t sit well with me. I mean, if it’s freezing cold, like negative degrees, I’ll wear it, but if not, I rather just wear two sweaters over each other rather than that bulky coat thing that my dad bought me 2 years ago and I only wore it a total of 5 times.

I catch a bus to his place, and luckily I have enough change to pay for the bus fare, I know other places are more expensive when it comes to the bus system, but where I’m at there’s typically 2 types of buses. The usual expensive NJ transport bus, and the hispanic bus system that’s way cheaper, but also pretty gross. The seats are vandalized, and there’s trash and gum everywhere from the passengers before. If someone were coming to New Jersey and needed to take a cheap bus ride anywhere, I always suggest taking the morning buses, they’re cleaner, and less gross because the late night buses are empty, sure, but are pretty gross.

The address that Keanu sends me is in the more upper class area of our little town, and boy do I feel already like an outcast just standing there. Apartments reached up to at least 50 floors, all condos make me feel like an ant looking up; I don’t see Keanu anywhere, so I just walk towards the lovely building that is structured in a more of a modern way. Most of New Jersey is old, we’re getting that out of the way, but this place was just really really new. Obvious new. There was a gate that’s suppose to block anyone from coming in unless they have proof they have a reason to be there, and since I do, (Keanu’s name, and apartment building with his number to prove that it’s not some imposter), I’m allowed in without too much hassle.

I wait outside the lobby, and I send Keanu a message that I’m downstairs, waiting outside before hearing something off. I hear Keanu coming closer to the building, from the parking lot shouting angrily, I didn’t know Keanu could sound so angry and.. well loud .

“I told you, I have business here and I’m not going to finish the year at your academy. If you think that I’ll just blindly follow your orders this time, you can kindly shove a cactus up your rectum!”

Wow.

I tense up when I turn and I see him looking at me with wide shocked eyes.
“Jeremy.” His voice isn’t as calm, and alluring from when I met him in the bathroom. It’s shocked and almost cracking.

“H-Hey..! Um.. You said you wanted me to come over to talk?” I swallow down the lump in my throat and force this crummy half baked smile on my face trying to pretend I didn’t just listen to him scream into the phone that was in his hand. He walk towards me cautiously, like he’s trying to study me in a way that isn’t intimidating but considering I do know something he was probably hoping I didn’t hear, every movement he made was seen as kind of intimidating to me.

“Yes.. I did. Follow me.” He cleans himself up rather quickly, and motion for me to follow him into the building that already makes me feel poorer than ever. I start following him in, and the lobby is definitely better than what I saw from the outside looking in. The thing about New Jersey is that, it’s not a really ‘nice’ state to look at. The buildings are in this constant state of almost getting nice looking but comes off as somewhat ‘ugly’ as one would put it kinda nicely. This building was the complete opposite of that. The little designs engraved in the walls, and the pristine cleanliness that is kept up throughout, I feel like I was stepping into a whole other timeline. The carpet are a nice black, not much dirt on it from what I could see and the walls were a very light cream shade. Not pure white but not a very rich color, something subtle and only noticeable if you look at it for more than 2 seconds.

I hear a faint ‘ding’ and my eyes snap back to Keanu looking at me in a weird fashion. It’s a pleasantly amused expression; His lips are pursed slightly as his hand extends towards the open elevator door.

“You seem to find the lobby interesting.” He comments, while I sheepishly walk over to the elevator. I should’ve said something snarky back, make a nice impression but all I could do is walk like a shameful kid who was caught doing something stupid by their older brother. Keanu steps in behind me, and presses the button to head to the top floor, his posture is great for someone his age.

I’m slouching and he’s standing up straight, prideful and getting all the inches he could get from this. Perhaps we could be the same height if I just learn to not slouch all the time. I try not to attract his attention, since I’m staring at him from the side. The elevator plays a boring tune, and he stares emotionlessly at the metal door before us. Should I try to make small talk with him or not?

“You’re probably wondering why I bothered to ask you to visit me, Heere.” He breaks the ice with that starter.

“Yea, I mean, here of all places? This is really.. Uh.. high end you know. If you live here you could definitely afford to get into a better private school.”

“What?”

Wait. ‘You’re probably wondering why I bothered to ask you to visit me…’ HEERE.

“N-Nothing. Uh, Jeremy’s fine you know.”

“Alright.” I’m messing up badly, and I feel my skin begin to fill with goosebumps. Oh god, he’s going to think I’m just a huge nerd that can’t hold a decent conversation without making myself look like a loser. The metallic doors open before us, and we step out; There’s no other doors just one at the end of a small hallway. It reminds me of an office floor, and suddenly I feel even more nervous now. Keanu doesn’t show a hint of it, maybe I’m overreacting? I don’t know, but I follow closely behind as he walks towards the door, I swallow a lump in my throat and watch as he pulls out his keys. There’s not a lot, at most there’s about 5 from what I could see.

“Keanu, are you sure that your parents are fin-” He opens the door, and I immediately shut up. I’m not lying when I say his apartment, which I can confirm now is an apartment and not an office, is massive . A bit jarringly so. It’s spacious, and enough to probably fight about 5 classroom full of kids. An entire wall is nothing but windows, and while I would love to do the stupid ‘leaning on it’ bit, I’m not a fan of heights. I don’t like talking about it, but I’m pretty scared of it.

“I don’t live with my parents. They stay up at Pennsylvania, I live here alone while my parents handle the rent and cost of necessities Not that they have too, with my ‘allowance’ I could afford to live here off it for at least 10 years.” Was he bragging just now to impress me? My eyebrows knit together in a confused manner, as he quickly reads my expression and change the topic, resting his hand on my back for a second as he gently pushed me towards the living room. A motion to sit down I’m guessing.

“Don’t be tense. That’s bad for your body, Jeremy.”

“Huh? Oh, Sorry.” I mumble, as I make my way towards the bleach white sofa that rests in the middle of what I’m presuming is the living room, and sit down nervously. If I wasn’t tense before, I’m definitely tense now. I hear his footsteps against the marble floors, walking to another room that’s away from the couch. I want to follow him, being left here, in this obviously expensive part of the apartment doesn’t sit well with me. I’m so used to the more less expensive things; My house isn’t worth much and most of the furniture and items that decorate our home wouldn’t look out of place in a big thrift store. Was he planning on living here beyond High School, was that why this place just reeks of high priced everything. Floor, walls, furnitures, even the little things meant to decorate the place. I start wondering if it’s just his parent’s farewell gifts, or if it’s just what the apartment already came with.

“Here.” I jump, and look up suddenly when I see his hand suddenly appear in front of me. It’s a glass of water, and hesitantly I take it. It’s cold to the touch, there’s not ice in it but I really wasn’t a fan of ice in my water anyways. I always accidentally eat it at the end, and my teeth end up feeling way too cold.

“Thanks, you didn’t have too.”

“If I didn’t, I would’ve been a bad host.”

“To others, but you let someone like me in your house so you’re already a good host in my books.” I regret whatever left my mouth the moment it left my mouth, and I quickly try to silence myself by drinking water quickly. His expression seem to ponder on my choice of words, and his lips separate for a moment, as he continue to speak.

“Someone like you?”

I really messed up now.

“Yea.. You know.. A loser.” I was ready for him to agree, just be like everyone else and laugh as he points out how everyone is very right about my status as a tall ass loser. The popular kids made it apparent they don’t like me, Rich made it obvious I’m a pushover. The only one who doesn’t think so, and quite the opposite is Michael. I appreciate him so much, I really do, but he’s just as much as a loser if not more. Him calling me cool doesn’t mean much since he’s in my position as well. Not that he cares that he’s known as a loser, he hates being known as a stoner though.

“Jeremy, popularity is just a social construct. Here you may be a loser, but anywhere else, you could be known as ‘cool’. It’s a matter of place, culture, and attitude.” As wordy as that was, I feel like I should be kinda honored to hear those words from someone untouchable as him. My face feels really warm, and I just stare at the cup that rests in my hand. What the hell do I say in response.

“That’s- encouraging? I mean, no matter where you’ll be, you’ll still be cool you know. Me? Maybe 2% of the schools in America would find me ‘cool’.” I don’t look up at him, I say my piece and shift further away from him. I feel his body sit down beside me on the couch, and I tense up even more. At this rate, my body is going to be a brick wall.

“I can make you cool Jeremy. Here, there, anywhere. If you really want to know how it feels to  be ‘cool’, all you have to do is… two small things.” The thick air surrounding us right now was suffocating; My eyes widen as I turn to look him right in the eyes, I realize way too late now, that he was way too close for comfort. I was trying to find a hint of narcissism, or maybe that glint that makes it obvious that what he said was a cruel joke to raise my hopes.

Either he’s very sincere, or he’s a very good actor. His eyes just seem to say so clearly he’s being honest. I want to believe him, being cool… That sounds so- great . People actually liking me, and I’ll be able to be invited to all the parties they host, and not have to sit in the back of the band room, sulking while Brooke, and Jenna gossip about the new ‘wicked party that was hosted just yesterday’.

“Really…?” I ask stupidly, learning away slightly. He only leans in more.

“Yes.”

“What do I have to do?” I ask, as he takes the cup of water from my hand, and puts it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. This is getting weird. Keanu leans away slightly, sitting up straight with this pridefully bored look on his face.

“You know I’m a student at State Quantum, correct?”

“Yea, everyone does.”

“I’m not just a student because they scouted for me, my father owns the academy. He’s the founder.”

I choke on my spit.

“What.”

I blink a few times, my hands slowly reach to my face, and I’m covering it. I don’t know how the hell to react to that sudden revelation, not only is he a genius but his father is probably insanely rich for being the founder of that strict academy. The more he talks, the smaller I feel.

“The people there are, interesting. They’re all as much as an intellect as I am. Some less, and very few more,” Keanu starts, his hand going to his forehead as he pinches the bridge of his nose a few moments after. “There’s not ‘popularity’ within the school. We don’t have time for that nonsense, we’re all equal and we accept it, some are smarter IQ wise, and other are richer. We came in here because of our intelligence, not because we were rich or popular. So we act like it.”

“So.. no one is popular there?”

“Technically, no. If I had to say someone, I would have to admit it’s me. Only because I’m the son of the founder.” Keanu didn’t sound so proud admitting that, anyone else would’ve rubbing it in anyone else’s face.

“That’s why I came here, I already have the influence, money, and intelligence to get into any college I possibly want; I just want to see how other students handle society.”

“That’s why you came to Midd-”

“Your school, yes. This has a point, I promise,” I listen attentively. Every word, I feel like I’m really learning more and more about him. I feel kind of special, but I belittle myself mentally for thinking such.

“But, I found myself intrigued by you..” He takes a deep breath, is he nervous? What the hell does he have to be nervous about? He could tell me anything, and I’ll probably take it well.

“What I’m trying to say is, Jeremy, the easiest way to achieve Popularity is to pretend we’re dating.” My mind is stopping for a moment, I don’t know what to say or what to do. I feel something warm touch my hands, and I snap out of my trance; Again, either he’s being serious, or he’s ready to expose me as a homosexual.

“Pretend to date..?”

“Unless you want it to be real. Either achieves the same results.”

“Wait- but-.. But why dating ?”

His hands moves away from mine, and adjusts his shirt a bit. Is he going to pull out a powerpoint?

“If I proclaim we’re dating, immediately everyone would at first think you force me into it, but if I insist otherwise, they’ll begin to believe perhaps you’re not as bad as you appear. Already, any invitation would count for the both of us, you can’t have one without the other. Girls have a higher tendencies to want someone taken, rather than someone not taken.” Okay.

He actually has some good pointers.

“I’ll  be…”

“Popular.” He finishes my sentence, and looks at me with this expression of waiting. The idea of dating another guy is… weird. Not wrong, I’m not homophobic, at least from what I can tell, but the idea of being gay or bi never crossed my mind. I was so distracted with girls, and Christine that I just assumed that I was strictly straight. Keanu isn’t ugly, in fact, he’s quite handsome. Holding his hand, or having him lean in and kis-.

I think that’s enough thinking about this. I’m giving my answer.

“Okay. We can pretend, I don’t want you to stop from getting an actual girlfriend, or boyfriend, either is totally fine!”

“Jeremy, I have no interest in anyone else in this school.” For some reason, that felt like a lie.

“So you want to actually pretend to date me?” He’s pulling my leg hard here.

“To put it frankly, yes. If I'm to be completely honest, I wouldn't mind genuinely courting you,” Courting? I haven’t heard that since English 2. Still, he wants to date ME. Not Brooke, not Rich, not Jake, not Christine, ME. Jeremy fricking Heere. The loser of Middle Borough High. I don’t know if that’s social suicide for him or social evolution for me. Probably both.

“Are you hungry? I could order something to eat, or I could take you to somewhere that doesn’t deliver.” My mind snaps back to the now, and I tilt my head slightly for a moment. I didn’t quite hear him, but I could presume he’s asking if I was hungry.

“I haven’t eaten anything yet so I guess you could say I am. You don’t have to buy me anything, I’ll just ask my dad for some spare cash.” Was he home? Nope. I just feel pretty shitty asking him for money or to buy something for me. Michael does it because he’s mainly buying it for himself, but thinks about me as well as an afterthought. Besides, we’re closer than most so buying each other something stupid, or asking for money is no longer something weird to do. It’s more of a common gesture.

“Do you like pizza?”

“Technically, I’m not supposed too.”

“Why?”

“Jewish tradition. I mean I can, but I have to ask for it ‘unsliced’, something like that. I’m not really supposed to eat pork at all, but I don’t care? My dad is more of a lenient Jew, rather than a very strict one.”

“So…?”

“I’ll take a pepperoni, or whatever you want. I’ll pay you back tomorrow.”

“I don’t mind pepperoni. Wait here, I’ll order it.”

He stands up, and leaves the living room, possibly to the kitchen. I pick up the glass he put away, and sip from it for a while. Just one, unstopping sip. A moment past and I realize the reality of the situation. I spit out the water in my mouth and choke somewhat on my spit.

I’m 'dating' the School’s coolest new kid, and he’s the son of possibly a billionaire, the founder of the most high-class academy of all America, possibly the world.

Chapter Text

“Jeremy, where the hell were you Sunday?” Michael asks me, as he leans against a locker beside mine. Lazily, I look over at him, I can feel the bags under my eyes.

“I was hanging out with Keanu, why?”

“What..? Jeremy, what the hell? At least warn me next time!” His tone is so angry, and hurt; I’m so tired, a part of me doesn’t want to deal with this bullshit right now. I sigh, slamming the metal locker shut, while looking down at him.

“What do you mean ‘warn you next time’?”

“You said we could’ve hanged out all three days. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I was waiting for you the whole time at my place, but you just never showed up.” I felt a shade of guilt, and embarrassment, I forgot that I even promised such a thing. I thought that I promised for Friday, and Saturday. Guess I was really in the wrong here, I want to apologize but at the same time, I think Michael is kind of overreacting. We hang out everyday, and this was the first time I hung out with Keanu. Speaking of which, I should tell Michael that we’re dating, but I don’t know.

He’ll accept me, I mean, he’s gay after all. However, he honestly never showed any interest in liking Keanu at all, even as a person. I still don’t know why, but it’s pretty questioning. The loud talking of students ring in my ears, as Michael and I walk down the hall towards our first class.

“There’s Keanu!” I hear a girl whisper loudly, as I snap my attention to where she was. Indeed, there he was. Casual as always, and walking like a model down the hall, like he was paid to look handsome while just walking . Oh no, Michael rolls his eyes, and I feel myself shrink in myself.

What if he exposes me to everyone right now? What if he glares at me, and I ruin my chance to even be remotely liked already without knowing? What if Keanu treats me like everyone else now?

I hold my breath, and all I feel is an arm wrapped around my shoulder. The hall goes somewhat dead silent, and I feel the eyes of the student body rest entirely on my geeky face. Michael stares with a confused expression on his face, “What do you want?” He asks Keanu pretty rudely. What stick is up Michael’s ass when it comes to Keanu?

“Just saying good morning to Jeremy.” I look up at him, I leave my mouth hanging for a moment, unable to process what words are right now and how to speak them. Things go from weird to freaky, as he leans in and presses his lips against my cheek; Everyone gasps at that, and I freeze in place. His hands give my shoulder a squeeze, and he shows me a small but meaningful smile. I want to return it but I can’t really feel anything right now.

“I’ll see you later.” And he walks away like nothing that bad just happened. The hall was quiet now, and everyone took to looking at me, then at Keanu before going after him with questions. Michael has a blank expression but his eyes say otherwise, there’s something off about it and I feel uncomfortable. I grip the strap to my bag, and try to say something but all I get is Michael avoiding my gaze.

“I’m going to class.” He says coldly, like he was trying to tell me not to try to talk to him now. I’m at a lost of words, he never did that to me unless something serious happened; I try to stop him but he was already long gone before I could shove in another word. I’m left alone, and I have to walk to my first class.

One period in, and the stress of the questions were bombarding. Keanu was right, everyone thinks I forced him to do that. They think I’m some sick fuck who’s holding him against a wall to date me or else I’ll expose him or something. Something about him liking me was so foreign to them, that they completely denounce such a thing. Michael isn’t responding to me at all, and I ended up leaving my class to hide in the bathroom until lunch comes rolling in; Sure, I’ll be put down as a cut, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t want anything to do with other people right now, I just want to be alone. I press my back against the tile wall of the shitty school male bathroom, and slide down, letting my bag drop with a unsatisfying ‘thud’. I’m hiding in the last stall, all the way in the back where barely anyone goes. They use the urinal and that’s it.

I sit down, and look down at my hands. They’re shaking slightly, and I huff to myself. Considering it’s still first period, I have about 2 hours before the lunch bell would finally ring for us. I’m hungry and pretty miserable; It’s not Keanu’s fault, I’m not going to blame him for this, it’s just, how right he was. People don’t think this is possible, they’re either very homophobic, or don’t like the idea of a loser dating a cool kid, especially a SQUIP. Pulling my knees closer to my chest, I bite at the sides of my cheeks, feeling a lump form in my throat.

I hear my phone buzz in my back pocket, and I pull it out, seeing a text from Michael.

‘Jere where r u now?’

‘In the bathroom’

‘Stay there’

I let my phone slide onto the floor from my hand, and try to take deep breaths. The door opens with a loud noise, and I wince; Right now, loud noises are putting me on edge, there’s quick ‘pitter patter’ of what I’m assuming are shoes running towards where I’m at. Michael opens the stall door, breathing heavily as he looks down at me.

“Michael-” I start, as I feel something wet on my cheek. His expression softens, and gentle gets on his knees in front of me; Pulling on the toilet paper by him, he uses it to clean up my face and smile somberly.

“Guessing everyone’s giving you a hard time dude.”

“You bet. These are tears of frustration.” Michael gives a dry laugh, as he sits beside me, getting comfortable before making me rest my head on his lap. He knows that this is what helps me calm down from any sort of episode; His hand gently run his fingers through my hair, and slightly massage it.

“You just don’t want to admit you’re crying the real tears.” Michael teased, as now it’s my turn to give a dry laugh. Maybe I really don’t want to admit it, I didn’t know I was crying till my cheek was soaked.

“Sorry I’m getting your pants wet.” I croak out, as he shushes me and shrugs.

“I don’t care. You need to cry it out, Jerebear.” I smile when he says that, he calls me ‘JereBear’ as a tease, but also as a comforting nickname when I’m having a moment. It’s stupid, like really fucking stupid, and I get so embarrassed when he says it in public, but I appreciate the thought. Kinda. After a few moments of silence, petting, and comfort, I realize a small detail.

“But, your class-”

“I’m skipping it dude. You need me more than Miss Nevileen.” I appreciate this more than he probably realizes. Michael is really one of my best friends, and just knowing that I stood him up on Sunday without knowing gets me more angry at myself when I remember the shit he does to make sure I’m fine. Especially when he is willing to skip classes with me to calm me down after a rough morning.

I shut up, and appreciate Michael. I don’t want to annoy him anymore, he’s already done a lot for me. The least I can do is let him have some peace and quiet.

Chapter Text

The bell rings and Michael shakes me awake. I realize it’s about time that I head to lunch, and rub my eyes as I sit up; Michael bends his legs and slaps them around a bit. Considering how hard he’s doing it, I must’ve accidentally caused them to fall asleep. I mumble a lazy small apology as he shrugs it off saying how it was for a ‘good cause’, which made me chuckle in a childish way. He’s always putting off his good deeds as just that, deeds. While they mean a lot to me at times, he doesn’t seem fazed at the amount of help he’s given me, it’s like he’s so used to it, he considers it a chore. I furrow my brow for a moment, what if I am just a chore for Michael?

I never considered the thought, I mean I have but not in such a dark manner. The idea that one day he’ll get bored of having to look after my sorry ass isn’t assuring, and it leaves me with a feeling of dread and a lot of pent up worries; I tell him I appreciate him a lot, but maybe it’s annoying to him now. Michael’s hand rest on my shoulder, as he gives a gentle squeeze and shows me one of his signature assuring small smiles.

“Ready for lunch, Mister Heere?” His voice croaked in a playful manner. We’re both going to get in a lot of trouble tomorrow for cutting class, but now I don’t really care about that. I mean, I really should be, but I don’t. This feeling is refreshing and quite addictive if you want the cold hard truth from me.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I answer, as I get up eventually with my own bag lazily gripping at my body to hang on.

The halls were bustling with students now, and I wonder if my eyes are red from the tears of frustration (never will I admit I cried like a girl okay), or if I just look like a plain old mess. They don’t pay me any attention, so I’m guessing I just look like an average teenage boy with hormonal issues, sweet. Michael starts telling me about some cool cheats and tricks he learned while I was asleep, apparently he was looking up videos while I was knocked out and watched about 2 hours full of it before the bell rang and he had to wake me up.

I roll my eyes, and jokingly push him aside, calling him a geek as I go to pull out my phone to tell Keanu that I was hiding out for a few classes. I don’t feel anything in my pocket, and I let out a soft curse under my breath as I realize that I left my phone in the bathroom stall.

“Hey Michael, uh, why don’t you go ahead and get lunch? I need to grab my phone real quick alright?” I say, he looks a bit weird, making a face that I don’t quite know but nodding anyways. He tells me not to take too long, and I shrug with a lazy expression on my face. I start running back to the bathroom we were in, hoping no one took my phone before hearing a familiar voice call out to me.

“Jeremy!” I stop in my tracks, and look around sharply to see Keanu, walking up to me in a quickened pace. His expression held that of worry, and a form of relief as he stepped closer to me, I wonder if he noticed that I was gone for 3 periods.

“Keanu, uh, hey! Did you need something?” I ask, my hands getting clamy from the thought that he would’ve  noticed and asked about my sudden disappearance after first period. He tries to fix his demoner real quick in front of me, and I feel a bit uncomfortable.

“I was wondering where you were. I didn’t see you after first period. Are you busy now?” Fuck.

“Oh…. Um…” What do I say? “I… You know what, I left my phone and I really need to get it.” Keanu seems a bit eager to hear that. Before I could leave quickly to grab it and head back to Michael, he’s by my side and walking with me towards the bathroom. I know I have no right to say this, but I feel like he’s- off? The feeling I get from him is that of  strange contentment, like he wanted this to happen. All I really want to do is just get my phone and head back to Michael who’s probably already getting our lunches. We didn’t talk much on the way to the bathroom, his hands remained in the pockets of his coat, and I remained tense and clenching my fists like I’m about to fight someone.

Thankfully, the bathroom was empty, of course it would be, it’s the furthest from the Lunch Hall on the floor, if they were here, they obviously don’t care about lunch. Keanu leans against the white walls of the bathroom, while I rush to the last stall and peer my head in to see my phone right on the ground.

“There it is!” I say out loud by accident as I pick it up, and shove it back into my pocket. I hear Keanu start walking towards me and the relief of finding my phone fades, as I turn to see him closer.

“That.. Michael friend of your’s. He’s a good friend.” My hand reach my other arm, and I rub it nervously.

“Yea… Michael and I have been friends for about 12 years now. We’ve been through everything together.”

Keanu makes a noise, as he walks away from me, and towards the sink. I see a part of his reflection from the glass in front of him now, and I know he’s looking at me through that. I step closer to the door, but stop once he continues talking.

“I walked in here 3rd period, and I noticed that you were asleep on his lap, he was stroking your hair and looking at you in a certain way.” I don’t know what to say, for some odd reason, I feel embarrassed, like it was something I never meant for him to see. Of course, I never did want him to see me and Michael like that, but I don’t get why.

“Yea, um, I was frustrated before, and he was comforting me. Is there something wrong with that?” He isn’t saying anything right now, just looking down into the boring sink that the school installed a long while ago. I feel in the wrong in this conversation, but I’m not. I’m in the right.

Right?

“Jeremy, he was looking at you in a romantic way.”

“What? No he wasn’t, he’s my best friend, he’s-”

I stopped mid sentence, I look down for a moment, before noticing him turning around as well.

“He’s what? ”

“He’s.. Gay.”

“And what’s stopping him from liking you in a romantic fashion, Jeremy?”

“....Nothing.”

“Exactly.”
I feel defeated, like I have no place to speak now more. I don’t want to look at Keanu now, the thought that Michael would want to date me never crossed my mind, but now, I feel so awful about never realizing it before. I don’t feel the same, at least I don’t think I do, besides, I can’t just date him even if I did. I said yes to Keanu, and I’m a man of my word, besides I want Christine. She’s the one I was crushing on the whole time, I don’t think I should just give that whole thing up because someone likes me. Once Keanu raises my popularity enough to get Christine’s attention, he and Michael can hook up or something, and we’ll all be happy right? Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t.

“Even if Michael likes me, he’s still my friend. He’ll understand I don’t like him that way. Plus we’re a thing, I think?” Keanu nods, but he starts moving his body, a way to direct me to follow him, so I do. He’s gentle with his motions, and he even places a hand on my shoulder to guide me to the front of the lunch room, where I see Michael waiting with lunch, he’s looking around rather frantically and the pit of my stomach starts to drop.

“You think so, but Michael has desires Jeremy. Caring for you for 12 years… Don’t you think he would want something in return for it all?”

Rich walks out of the room, and taps on his shoulder, Michael gets startled at first, but seems to loosen up for a moment. They talk, and Michael seems tense before having another student, someone that I’ve never met before. He had glasses similar to Michael’s, and his shirt was decorated with pins that I couldn’t make out from the distance I was. He was slightly taller than Michael, and definitely taller than Rich, but once Michael saw him, he seemed a bit surprised but content with meeting a new face. They shake hands, and Rich tries to get them to spend lunch together, they don’t notice me or Keanu; Michael takes one more look around, trying to find me, before sighing and smiling at the mystery guy and walking in the cafe with him, talking.

“Michael…” I mumble, he just.. Left. He didn’t see me with Keanu.

“I think Jeremy, it’s time you let Michael do his own things. You’ve kept him from the things a teenager wants. Space, Heere. Space. Give it to him.” His hands lower down my arm, and pull me into an awkward side hug, this is it. I need to let Michael free, figuratively, he deserves better, so much more better. He’s going to desert me one day if I keep doing this to him, making him have to deal with my tough days without anything in return. I can’t possibly make it all worth it with a relationship, I have Christine in mind.

The only thing I can do, is let Michael do his own things. I need to stop annoying him.

“You’re right, I think.. I should stop bothering him for now.” Keanu gives me a soft squeeze.

“Yes, good. Besides, you have things to worry about Jeremy, like popularity, hm?” He wants me to react happily, but I feel too glum to do it. “I guess so.” My words are lazy and tired, not what he wanted for sure. With a click of his tongue, he rolls his eyes and walks ahead, I have to follow to keep up.

“Quit it with the long face, people don’t like that.” I squint, does he want me to fake smile? I don’t like that idea, but I don’t want to piss him off so I try to give a more aloof smile. He doesn’t turn around, but instead motions with his finger for me to follow close behind; Like a dog, I just do it.

We step inside the cafeteria, and sit at the table that Jenna frequents with Jake and even Christine. The table is filled with empty trays, and milk cartons everywhere, I sit beside Keanu and that’s it, my seat is the end one. Everyone gets ecstatic to be able to talk to Keanu, but once they realize the whole, ‘the keanu package comes with jeremy heere’ their excitement turns down a few notches. They don’t insult me, they saw what happened with Rich when he did that in front of Keanu, they’re weirdly tolerate of my existence.

I don’t care what they’re talking about, it’s something to do with Rich’s boyfriend. My eyes go towards Michael, sitting at our usual spot, but with the weird guy that Rich introduced him too. They’re talking, and Michael’s being nice to him. They’re laughing and sharing jokes and stories from what I could see.

I want to be happy for Michael, he’s making new friends besides me and some dealers, but at the same time I feel really down about it. I must be the worst friend imaginable if I’m getting sad over my friends getting new friends.

I force myself to turn towards the conversation at hand, and the first thing I hear is..

“So… I’m hosting this party this Saturday, you guys wanna come?” Jenna looks at me, “You too, Heere.”

Chapter Text

I feel miserable Saturday night. Michael wasn’t really messaging me often as he used too, and was really vague when I asked him about the guy he was hanging out on Monday during lunch. All he said was that ‘I took too long coming back from the bathroom so he assumed that I had met up with Keanu or something’. That was on Thursday. We haven’t talked since then, I see glimpse of him through the halls, but whenever I try to talk to him, Keanu takes me somewhere else. I’m getting annoyed by it, but I know what he’s trying to do in the other hand. I just want my friend back, and Keanu isn’t helping at all with it.

Dad was coming back this night, much later, but tonight for sure. Keanu made himself relatively comfortable in my house, mainly in my room. I’m laying on my bed, looking through my phone, through the messages that Michael sent me throughout the week, they were scarce and too far between. Most, if not all, were very short and to the point; I know it’s stupid, but I’m worried that he’s really mad that I ‘ditched’ him again during lunch on Monday. I asked him about the guy that he met during lunch, and he stopped responding all together. He just left me on read.

“Jeremy, what did I say about long faces?” I sigh, and sit up looking at Keanu, he’s going through my closet seeing what clothes would be best suited for the party that Jenna was hosting today. He seems frustrated with what he has to work with, and I just stare onward, his hands are running through my clothing, even splitting between two and pushing them apart. Noises leaves his lips, as his body language clearly yells that he’s about to just tell me that my fashion taste sucks ass. I know it does, I just don’t like buying a lot of clothes. I take to looking through my messages in general, before Keanu snaps his fingers which scares the heck out of me.

“Jeremy, your fashion taste are horrendous. I feel trying to dress you in whatever you have is a task that will result in failure no matter what I choose.” I squint at him, throwing my phone aside. It’s really no use trying to contact Michael even, he’s just going to ignore me anyways.

“First of all, ow. Second of all, that’s all I have.” I explain,  but I feel like my words fell on deaf ears. Not that I really expected anything else except that. Ignored as always. His footsteps are precise, as though he’s in deep thought, I can’t claim to know him better than anyone else, but I picked up a pattern when it comes to Keanu. Whenever he thinks, he has this pondering look. Is it gay to say it looks ‘cute’? I’m saying no. After a moment of silence, and starting to wonder if backing off from the party is actually a really great idea, Keanu opens his mouth and spills out a pretty crazy plan.

“I’ll buy you something that will show everyone that you’re not quite the loser you appear to be.” While I’m really grateful that Keanu is actually trying to help me be popular with the other kids in my school, I’m not comfortable with the idea of him buying me stuff. It makes me feel like a free-loader.

“Keanu, as much as I appreciate it, I don’t really feel comfortable with you buying me stuff. Besides, the party is in like an hour. I don’t think we should try to go buy clothes now.” I was right. My words did fall on deaf ears, because right after I finished my sentence, he grabs my wrist and pulls me closer to him. Out of instinct I grab my phone, and stumble awkwardly out of my bed, almost falling onto Keanu. Key word ALMOST.

“Nonsense. Put your shoes on, I’m driving you to Old Navy.” Without much argument, I do what he says and put on my shoes as he leads me outside to his car that’s parked right outside my house. The type of car his Dad bought him for his birthday reeks of billionaire, it’s the newest model, and obviously, it has to be a sports car. This guy is making me feel smaller and smaller every passing moment. He pulls up the car doors, and motion for me to get in while he enters the driver’s seat. I can’t believe we’re actually doing this right now.

“Is it too late to back down now?” I ask as I sheepishly stand there on the sidewalk, staring at the open car door.

“Yes. Now get in, Heere.” Keanu sounds stern, and pretty frustrated already so I give in and sit in the passenger’s seat as I pull down the car door and makes sure it’s properly closed. He starts up the car, and I fiddle with the sleeves of my cardigan, my eyes glance over to him from time to time as he starts driving us towards the clothing store. He’s already dressed up for the party, I never thought I would see him so casual. He’s wearing skinny jeans with sleek black sneakers; Over all of it, he wears a nice baseball jacket that has a nice pallette of black and faded light blue. It’s faint and subtle which suits his eyes, his jacket is pushed up to his elbow, and freckles engulf his arm of which I could see. The only thing spared from the freckles are his hands, that grip the steering wheel in a more relaxed state, like he’s so used to driving he doesn’t need to have a death grip on the steering wheel. Michael does the same thing, holding the steering wheel rather casually, that’s really because he knows the streets of our town like the back of his hand.

I start feeling the dread of knowing that after this, we’ll have to go to the party and meeting all the kids who probably don’t even like me. They just wanted Keanu Quantum, the most handsomest, richest kid in school, not the school loser, Jeremy Heere. They must’ve felt ripped off with this package, I look down at my feet, blinking slowly as I sink deeper into the negative thoughts that plague my mind right now. The ride remains like that till we reach Old Navy.

Keanu gets out first, while walking over to where I am and opens the car door for me, leaning in as he held out his hand to me. My eyes glance to it, then to him, he really wants me to do this cheesy move? I sense the impatience of waiting me to get the hint, and I go along with it for tonight, he’s buying me clothes apparently, I don’t have the right to deny him this cheesy move. Hesitantly, I grab his hand, and he pulls me out of the car, the motion it was in reminded me of the nights me and my Dad watched the stars get out of the car that way on the red carpet.

His touch was gentle, it wasn’t rash or very pushy. It was guiding and soft, I’m a little surprised someone like him could manage something like that, but the moment of awe was cut short as he kept holding my hand and walking me towards the store.

“Woah! I can walk myself you know.” I mention, but he ignores me and continues walking in a more quick pace, like when he walked towards me Monday. It was hard to catch up but I managed by an awkward kinda-not-really jog beside him. I really don’t want to get new clothes, but Keanu seems very persistent; The electronic doors opened for us and Keanu went straight for the jeans. Mine are loose, and not very show-offy, the ones that Keanu were looking for were flat out skinny jeans, leaving nothing to the imagination when it comes to how my legs are shaped. Some of the workers were staring at us, whispering among each other, they probably thought we were close friends or something with how we came in while hand holding.

Keanu pressed a pair against my pants to see if it would somewhat fit me, before making me hold onto it. I make a small distressed noise, feeling uncomfortable about the whole situation. I never went to a party first of all, and I never really liked the idea of someone else buying me things that aren’t my dad or Michael. No matter how much I insist, Michael always buys me something, I got used to it a while ago. Though, with Keanu, I don’t know if I ever would warm up to that idea. The girls just stare quietly amongst themselves, still whispering and gossiping like this is some unseen plot twist.

Keanu picks out three pairs of jeans, and 5 shirts for me. Many of the shirts were casual T-Shirts, and one was a very fashionable kinda formal shirt that he insisted I should have just in case of anything. He throws in a nice sweater vest for good measure and throws me in the changing booth to see which combination would look best. He’s rushing me since we have about 40 minutes left until the party, but since he already showed preference for one certain combination I just pick that one. My shoes are fine, which is a relief, I don’t want to walk around uncomfortable with new pairs of shoes; He pays for the rest, as he manages to convince the workers (very easily, mind you) to let me wear out the clothing I put on.

30 minutes left until the party and Keanu makes me carry the things he bought for me. We walk back to his car, and he opens the car door for me, letting me drop the bags off first before sitting down.

“We’re heading to my house very quickly, then to the party, Jeremy.” Keanu explains, as he drives us out of the parking lot, and towards I think, his apartment. My stomach drops a bit, his apartment is a bit intimidating considering how expensive it must’ve been. It reeks of just ‘I’m the son of a billionaire’. I could tell he doesn’t notice my discomfort, I’m left again to stare at the bags of clothing he got me, and ponder for a moment or two if agreeing to go to this party was a good idea. What if the moment he walks away, they gang up on me? What if I embarrass him and me? What if Keanu realizes how much of a lost cause I really am? Those ideas swirl within my mind, and makes me feel even more ill than I was before. I feel something warm touch my hand, soon, engulf it entirely and I sharply turn over to Keanu who’s still driving but with only one hand. The other held my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“Relax, you’re as tense as a brick.”

Silence.

I didn’t want to ruin the mood going on, so I stay silent, and try to relax. Deep breaths, and thinking of the more good things in life instead of focusing on the bad. I want to open up a bit, tell him what’s on my mind so he gets an idea, but I also don’t want to bombard him with my stupid insecurities. He’s helping me out, and he’s already done so much I kinda have to trust him now. His thumb runs circles on my skin, on the back of my hand specifically; My face heats up as my eyes find comfort in looking at the constantly moving scenery outside the window. Watching the cars past, as well as the buildings. Houses, apartments, parks, all the typical parts of New Jersey.

It doesn’t take long before Keanu is parking his car, and turns of the engine. We’re not talking still, and his hand leaves mine, making me weirdly miss the warmth that his hand gave mine. I hear the car door open and slam shut before mine opens and his hand offers to help me out. Instead of hesitating like last time, I just go along with it right off the bat, and he pulls me closer, holding my hand as he slams the car door shut and walks me towards the apartment building like we’re a normal couple. No shame, no embarrassment.

I wonder if it’s too late to pull away from the hand holding, it’s a little weird being pulled, but the thought that he isn’t afraid to just hold my hand in public twice is assuring to my self esteem. He doesn’t talk to me again during the short walk to the building, and I’m starting to feel like I’m just being dragged around for nothing, I pull out my phone and check the time to see how much longer we have until the party.

15 minutes until the party.

Oh sweet gosh.

“We have 15 minutes before the party, Keanu.” I proclaim so he knows, he enters the building still not talking and presses the button to get the elevator down to where we are.

“There’s a term Jeremy. Fashionably Late as they would claim it is,” He starts off saying in such a sultry way, “Just be quiet and let me do what I need to do to make you the star of the party.” He turns to face me as the elevator door opens before him and his words sounds so genuine like he truly, whole heartedly believes that whatever he wants to do now to me will make me the star of the party.

The way he says it, I just have to believe him.

Chapter Text

I feel like an idiot.

On the bright side, all my acne is virtually unnoticeable, that doesn’t mean I still like it. Keanu’s idea of making me the star was putting on makeup, or cover-up I don’t care what it’s called, but that on my face to hide all the ‘imperfections’ that littered it as he says. He claims now I look ready, and handsome as ever for the party, we’re now about 20 minutes late, but he says it’s a small price to pay for popularity. He even put some lip balm on my lips because they were chapped or something, the more he claims I need, the more I think about saying ‘fuck it’ and leaving back home and messaging Michael to pass the time. It’s too late for that however; Keanu grabs my wrist and drags me back to the car, opening the door for me and motioning for me to enter.

I do has he instructs, and watch as he walks around to enter the driver’s seat beside me. I buckle up, and cross my arms, I feel and most likely look like an idiot, but when I look in the mirror I see someone totally different than me. Someone with skin that looks flawless, and eyes more pronounced I guess. The clothes he picked out doesn’t leave anything to the imagination, they show off my body shape, and Keanu says it’s a pretty healthy one. It would’ve been fine right there, saying that my body has a healthy figure, I’ll be weirded out (which I am) but accept it. This is Keanu we’re talking about. He goes extra, and starts saying how humans are naturally attracted to the healthy because it means that they are a good bearer/creator of children. A healthy woman would birth healthy children, and a healthy male would produce strong off springs.

I screamed in the bathroom, telling him to stop talking about it because it’s getting super weird, and I’m still only in High School.

I have to stop thinking about it, the less I think about it, the more innocence I think I can retain from this Saturday night already. I take to looking out the window as always, and Keanu starts up the engine.

“Smile Heere, what did I tell you about this?”

“But there’s no one around.”

“Consider it practice then.”

I frown at that, but immediately go to a more aloof smile again. I don’t get his obsession with that, I want to bring it up again so I can figure out why he really wants me to smile all the freaking time but decide to let it go for now. His driving is more faster than before, I don’t mind as long as I don’t die horrifically in a car accident I think I should be fine. Maybe. The silence between us is tense, neither of us break the silence nor lighten the tension with a joke or two. I start missing Michael now, if he was the one driving, he would’ve made something up on the spot. A game of ‘spot the weirdo’ or ‘tell a story with only the people we see on the sidewalk’. Keanu wouldn’t like those type of games, I’m 100% positive about that.

He parks near Jenna’s house, and as per usual, opens the door and offers to help me out of the car with his hand. He doesn’t let my hand go, and he’s practically dragging me to the house; At least I’m not kicking and screaming like a child, but that doesn’t mean I’m eager to attend this party. Unlike last time, he’s thankfully saying something, but it’s mindless little praises on my appearance saying how he really did a good job on me, and how I look like night and day compared to what I used to wear the other day. I should probably be offended he insulted my fashion sense but I kind of agree with him. It was comfortable, and that’s mainly the only reason why I wore it but I wasn’t exactly a head turner like Keanu was.

We reach the front door and hear the music booming from the other side, I feel the cold feet starting to get to me, maybe agreeing to this was the bad choice. Keanu notices this and grabs my shoulders, making me look right at him which I didn’t want too. My eyes glanced over to the other side as he tried to give me a small pep talk but something… catches my eye.

“Keanu-” I start, he unhands me and I look again to see if my suspicion is correct. I turn to him with a concern look on my face, “Is.. Michael here?” His car is parked right in front of the house, I know it’s his car no one else could possibly have his exact car! I don’t get an answer immediately, but I eventually do, he sighs, covering his face with his hand as he answers me finally. “I presume he was invited, I don’t know exactly who’s attending Jeremy, I’m not the person hosting this party.” Jenna invited Michael..? Maybe Jenna wants to get on Keanu’s good side so she’s being nice to me and Michael, that’s a switch. My nerves calm down finally, there’s someone I know at the party, I can finally just go find him and probably hide in the bathroom while we make fun of drunk girls together. That sounds really nice, but I don’t want to ditch Keanu either, he’s the reason I’m even getting invited at all. Perhaps I can convince both of them to do it together.

“Deep breath, Jeremy. Remember to stick by me, I’ll give you a few cues to speak so that people are more intrigued by you.” Wait what? The words fall on me hopelessly, there’s cues I have to receive to speak? Keanu knocks on the door, and soon enough, the door opens and Rich is leaning against the doorframe with someone much taller behind him. I’ve never seen this guy before, he’s handsome as hell I’ll give him that, and his hair gives me the impression he lives with a family that is filthy rich like Keanu’s. Once Keanu’s and his eyes meet, I can sense this sort of power struggle between them like they’re having some sort of mental battle for dominance. The feeling in my stomach sinks so much more deeper.

“Keanu, my maaan, what’s up? Thought you were gonna be too busy makin’ out with your boyfriend or somethin’.”

“Like you weren’t just doing the same, Richard.” He cringed, “Rich.” he corrects.

“ That’s your boyfriend, Kean?”

“Yes, I say I’ve gotten lucky to have found one that doesn’t need a step ladder to kiss me.” Rich has this exaggerated offended look, I just shift uncomfortably in the background. The other guy, which I’m assuming is Rich’s boyfriend, gives a scoff at the comment and offers a hand for Keanu to shake.

“Sharp as always, I expect no less from the son of the headmaster.” So Keanu wasn’t lying about that part, I’m guessing they were classmates back at the university, leaving me of course, feeling even more small and invaluable. Keanu shakes the other hand, giving his breathtaking smile but still holds onto my hand. I can feel Rich’s eyes burn into me as he looks at our hands connect, I don’t get it but they weren’t of approval or even knowing, they were of something else.

It feels like Rich feels bad for me.

“Hey Jere, my dude, how about I take you around the parts real quick? You never been to this kind of party have you?” Keanu looks sharply at Rich, his boyfriend however, doesn’t seem phased at all with the suggestion. “I say that’s a good idea, me and Kean do have a lot to discuss, such time we never had the chance to really speak one on one together in person.” My hand hurts as he squeezes for a moment, but lets go. I can tell he’s very hesitant, what am I? A piece of property now?

“Nice, come on Heere, I ain’t got all night.” I make a face, I have the nerve to tell them that I’m not some lost child. Still, he offered to just show me around, I shouldn’t be very harsh towards him, I would be in the wrong then. Rich gets pretty frustrated with waiting for me to follow him at the pace he wants, so just grabs my arm and leads me straight into the group as I look behind me to witness Keanu closing the door with an unpleasant expression on his face. Rich is really fast, I have no idea where the hell this place is that he’s practically sprinting to show me, people notice that I’m here meaning that Keanu must also be here too, but they’re not glaring at me or anything.

They’re smiling.

Some wave happily at me, others shout my name and a quick hi right after, I’m being rushed so I can’t take the time to say hi back but I manage with a timid wave or a quick nod. After this tour, I’m going to try to find Michael, I want to see him and see if he’s still angry with me. We enter the kitchen, and there was a few teens on there too, but nothing too much. I hear a bunch of different voices, some I notice and others I don’t recognize at all. Rich’s expression changes from the very chipper expression he wore pridefully before at the door to more of a weirdly concern but still forcing a smile on his mouth.

“So… You and Keanu?”

“Yea… Him and me.” His hands go to the back of his neck, resting against the counter. His eyes study me, looking me up and down like he’s trying to find something.

“He’s treating you good?” That’s a weird question to ask, his hips are pressed against mine and I start feeling slightly uncomfortable. I nod, trying to not obviously move away from the closeness. I don’t think he noticed because he isn’t moving away, closer or looking at me with a look that says ‘why are you moving away from me’. I frankly feel studied under this sort of gaze of his, and all I can do is squirm slightly in discomfort. There’s a couple near us making it out, practically clothed fucking and I’m about ready to run out of this cursed house. Rich doesn’t seem to care at all, not with the making out couple or even the fact they’re practically about to go at it right here right now.

“Oh uh, I don’t know if you know but I saw Michael coming in.” Rich mentioned going back to his more aloof attitude, almost as though he was positive I knew and would brush off such a thing. That doesn’t happen though. I snap my attention back to him, eager to get anything on Michael’s whereabouts so I can stick with my buddy in such a party.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yea, he came in with Danny Rivers.”

“Danny who?”

“The nerdy kid? Literally always gushing about science and robotics?” My heart drops, I know the guy he’s talking about. The one that Michael was talking to on Monday. He showed up to this party with him instead of me? I mean, I was with Keanu but seriously? I thought that we would show up to our first party together, that we were both invited too.

“Who invited Michael?” I ask.

“Jenna, duh.”

“... Why?”

“You can’t just go around asking people why they’re invited, Jeremy, the fuck?” This entire thing is already going downhill, the moment I opened my mouth I should’ve known that nothing was going to go smoothly for me. I don’t know if I really offended this guy, or if he’s just pulling my leg by referencing that one stupid line. (Yes I do know about that line). The music is getting louder, and I feel my ears throbbing from pain at how loud the music is in this house, I’m really surprised the house is still standing nor have the cops showed up yet.

Rich gives up whatever he was trying to do, patting me on the back and telling me to just relax, he hands me a red cup and winks at me before yelling out Jake’s name and running to who-knows-where. I don’t trust whatever they’re serving here, so I sniff the contents of the cup, and make a face; Alcohol, of course it would be alcohol. I wonder if Keanu likes this sort of thing, speaking of which, now I have 2 people to find and stick too.

Keanu and Michael.

It’s bad enough that the couple is going somewhere, with these smiles that make anyone aware that they are ready to bang until they both are sore. If I wasn’t already fake dating Keanu(?) I would’ve maybe tried to flirt with Christine if she even was here, maybe not. She doesn’t seem much of a party gal, but who knows. Walking back out into the main living room, people are talking, dancing, drinking, being stupid to the music, I feel like I’m sticking out but it’s quite the contrary. I belong, well, appearance wise I do. I want to enjoy this party, I really do but It’s suffocatingly packed, and the music is way too loud.

I turn my head to see if I can find Michael or Keanu, but instead I see Christine; My heart swells a bit. She really did show up. Even then, she’s cute as ever, wearing a plaid skirt and a party girl T-Shirt. There’s tights under her skirt, and she’s wearing her favorite colourful sneakers, her hair is done is very small pigtails. I want to talk to her, but she’s talking to Jake who’s leaning against the wall, smiling so widely at her like she’s the party.

“They began dating on Thursday.” A voice pops out of nowhere, scaring the heck out of me.

“What- Wait… Christine and Jake?” I turn and Keanu smiles down at me the way he did when he’s in a more content mood. His hands rest on my hips and I have the urge to just step away. Touching like that isn’t something I agreed too.

“Yes.” I look back at them, and he’s right. They’re holding hands, and Christine is kissing Jake’s cheek with a smile plastered right on her face like she is the happiest girl to have ever lived. This feeling that’s boiling inside of me is foreign but it really hurts. Like the world is crumbling, and all I can do is watch, I hate it and I try to blink away whatever threatens to come out of my eyes. Sure, okay. Christine wants Jake, that’s fine. I was stupid to think she would want to date me of all people. Disgusting, stupid Jeremy Heere.

Why would she want that?

“Where’s Michael?” My voice croaks, seemingly so delicate now from how distressed I am. I’m happy for her, I really am, but I wanted to be the one she looked up too like they were the best thing ever, I wanted her to smile at me with that face, and for her to kiss my cheek. This party quickly turned into a big regret that I never want to think about again. I want to talk to Michael to see what’s up with him, and leave.

“Why do you want to see him?” His expression looks unpleasant, I know that wasn’t the question he wanted to hear nor the answer that he was expecting. Frankly, I don’t care anymore tonight.

“He’s my friend Keanu. I don’t care if he wants to kiss me, I just want to talk to him now.” I snap back at him, getting angrier the more I stay in that spot starting an argument with the guy about why I want to see my best fucking friend. A hand grips my wrist and I’m getting dragged across the living room, people ignore us, and I feel something is about to happen. Keanu was never this aggressive before, and I feel I have finally pushed him off the edge. He barges into a bathroom, it’s empty and surprisingly large but I hear the door slam behind me and I turn to see something horrific.

Keanu is livid .

I feel dread pooling at the pit of my stomach, and I put my hands up in defense, if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought he was going to attack me. He walks closer to me, while I step back, away from him until I’m stuck between him and the sink of the bathroom. My hand grip the edges of the pristine white sink, clutching it like it’s going to save me from certain death. Keanu leans in slightly, his voice shaking from anger with every word.

“I gave you this Jeremy, I got you in this party, into the popular crew, I made people want to know you, and you snap at me? ” He’s right. He did so much for me, and I’m throwing it back in his face. My grip loosens up, and I look up at him with an apology threatening to spill out of my tongue within another silent moment. His expression relaxes now, he’s pinching the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb before sighing loudly.

“Jeremy… I apologize for losing my temper like that. I do want you to be happy, but if you want to see Michael, I will take you to him.” Stopping with the pinching, he looks at me with a more apologetic expression, his hand resting on my chin to make me look at him straight in the eye. I don’t want to go against him anymore, besides… When I think about it, he’s really have done more for me to get what I want than Michael. Already I’m seen as an equal, I’m not bullied anymore, and I’m… liked. Keanu can get me popular, he can do this for me.

“It’s fine. I don’t want to see Michael anymore, let’s.. go talk to Jenna and stuff.” The tired expression melts to a more gleeful one. His lips curve into a smile, and he nods in agreement to my suggestion, walking back so I can move away from the sink and join him by his side. I do  just that, standing by him and letting things happen as they should right? He grabs my hand, and opens the door leading me out of the bathroom and towards the crowd of people as we walk straight for the group that contains Jenna, Brooke, Rich and Jake. Christine doesn’t appear to be anywhere. Perhaps she’s off with her own group of friends now.

They see us coming, and Brooke seems to smile at me, while Rich gives a more knowing expression. I don’t see his boyfriend anywhere, but I know he has to be around because Rich seems to be looking around as well. His eyes going everywhere but up or down. I want to ask him why he’s looking around so worried for, perhaps he just wants his boyfriend to be around or something, I don’t really know; Perhaps it’s not my place to know. We reach the crowd, and immediately the group pounces on the chance to talk to Keanu, except for Rich. He remains quiet, drinking himself silent, while Jake passes him a few glances. The hand holding becomes him holding me close as he talks about how he is very fond of me, and what he possibly sees in me.

“He has a side of him that no one quite knows about. It’s very attractive, and suits my taste to the tea. We had a lot of things in common, but at the same time, not very much. Really, I feel so very lucky to know someone like him, even luckier to have him accept me as his boyfriend.” He says those words like they were nothing but truth, how I was basically a light in his dark life, and how happy he is to know me. Everyone buys it, I feel like he’s just exaggerating to make himself look better in their eyes. I feel a little disgusted, but I understand at the same time and don’t say a word against his claim. The conversation turns to our future plans for dates, and any parties we might be hosting as well, until my eyes lands on a certain black sweater with green words.

Michael.

He’s talking to the same nerdy tall kid, laughing up the party as he holds a red cup and have the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen. The other was dressed in a unique outfit, a Pokemon shirt with a jean sleeveless cardigan over it. He’s also fashioning a pair of faded skinny jeans, and military boots to top it off, the guy reeks of gaming hipster but at the same time, he pulls it off so well. I want to know what they’re talking about, what is making Michael so happy and laughing so much. I don’t get why I’m feeling so angry, but I want to know so many things.

What they’re talking about, why haven’t Michael been answering me like he usually does, and why didn’t he tell me he was attending this party too? Why did he got with him, and not with me and Keanu? I feel Keanu’s hand lower from my arm to my hip, and I look up at him with an arched eyebrow. I don’t want this now, I want to- No, I need to talk to Michael now. I feel his other hand rest on my cheek, making me have to stare at him in the eyes, I can see the same livid face he made before when I snapped back at him, and he leans in more and more until he presses his lips against mine.

It felt nothing like the movies described it to be, I didn’t feel the butterflies flap around my stomach, I don’t feel the fireworks going off, I feel disgusting, horrible, and I don’t want it. I don’t want to be kissing him, but he’s surprisingly very talented at the kiss. I try to pull away, pressing a hand against his chest or something, but nothing. He doesn’t move away until I practically have to pull away my head to breathe, everyone is staring at us, and Keanu doesn’t stop, he leans into my ear for a moment, and whispers in a threatening voice, “Everyone is watching, stop resisting and play along.”

I feel his lips go down to my chin, and onto my neck, and I see that through the crowd of Rich sipping his drink, looking away, Jake awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, Jenna and Brooke talking amongst each other in hushed whispers, Michael is watching me. He has a look on his face, hurt, disbelief, and disgust.

Michael… thinks I’m disgusting?

There’s a million thoughts going around in my brain, and after what felt like centuries, Keanu pulls away, a fake but still convincing smirk resting on his lips as he leans in for another kiss. I’m helpless as he kisses me again, and I just shiver in disgust, before finally getting fed up and grabbing his hand.

“Let’s go somewhere private, everyone’s watching Keanu.” I say through my teeth, his expression turns into one of boredom before facing our newly acquired audience with a fake charming smile, everything feels so fake now.. I wondered if it was always like that.

We head upstairs, away from the crowd, looking into each room before settling in an empty bedroom. He walks in, then I do, locking the door behind us before I turn to him and shout.

“Keanu what the actual FUCK ?! Why did you kiss me?! Michael was watching, and now he probably thinks I’m fucking gross!” I’m pacing around now, I’m shaking, and I don’t know what to think for now. The world is crumbling around me seemingly, and too many emotions are hitting at me right now like an overrated game of space shooter.

“L-Look, I know you did a lot for me, but- K-Kissing?! That was my first kiss! What the hell?! Christine is never going to go out with me-” I feel a sharp pain in my cheek, and I stumble back until I fall onto the ground harshly. There’s a strong pain surging through my face, and my hand goes to cup to pain area, my cheek. I look up and I see Keanu, standing over me with a dark expression.

“You ungrateful little bastard.” I wince, I feel the anger boil down into a sense of dread and utter fear.

“I gave you what you wanted, popularity, you have the most popular guy in school dating you, you are considered one of us , you’re not the loser anymore, you’re someone everyone wants to meet, you’re someone everyone wants to be. Everything you were before was nothing more than a pathetic loser who never had a chance getting with anyone, not even that Michael.” Keanu never raised his voice at me, not once during that entire thing, but even then, I feel terrified. He grips my shirt and pulls me up, pushing me towards the wall.

“You embarrassed me today, I’ll let it slide now, but if you think I’m going to sit down and let you snap at me, or even think about ditching me for Michael, I’m going to very well ruin your life Jeremy Heere. I gave you a blessing, and I can easily take it away and make it a curse.” I don’t know when, but I feel tears streaming down my face. I’m hiccuping, and breathing irrationally. He lets me go, and I head back onto the ground, pressing my knees against my chest as I cry into them. I bite my lip and try to quiet myself down, I’m embarrassing myself, and I just want to go home for sure now.

“Jeremy…” Keanu speaks in a soft hushed voice, kneeling down in front of me as his hand rest on my head. I look up, and he cups my cheeks, a more serene expression occupy his face, and he leans in, pressing his forehead against mine. “Jeremy, I don’t like to see you cry. It doesn’t suit you at all… Listen, I’m not mad. I’m just frustrated, I didn’t mean to hit you.” He rubs my teary eyes with his sleeves, cleaning me up a bit, as he kissed my forehead like I’m some sort of a child.

“I just.. I’m trying to be the best for you. But you make it so hard when you these sort of things, if you don’t want me to kiss you anymore, I won’t. Listen, how about we leave this party behind I’ll treat you to some Ice cream, alright?” I cringe when he talks to me like a child, but it’s also… rather comforting. Perhaps he just lost his temper,  but he seems to be telling me the truth. I overreacted, I suppose, and I just nod quietly. Ice Cream sounds nice.

He grabs my hand, gently pulling me up onto my feet as he smiles at me with a more content expression. His eyes though… They’re so void of emotions now, his smile says another story. He wraps an arm around me, kissing my head like a child, and unlocks the door. We walk down the stairs, and he explains to Jenna that I’m not feeling too great and he’s taking me home. She nods, looking at me a few times, before heading into another conversation with Rich and Jake. Christine is back with Jake, and I don’t want to see them together, so I look away, instead, I get an eyeful of the nerdy kid chilling alone, texting on a phone that looks familiar but already we’re out of the party before I could really see it.

I hear a car door slam shut, and my attention turns to Michael’s car parked in front of the house. He’s in it, and starts up the engine. I want to shout his name, but with what happened with Keanu, I just keep my mouth shut and watch as he ends up driving away. I stay quiet, so does Keanu. We walk to his car, and he opens the door for me, I enter and put on my seat belt. He gets in the driver’s seat, and start up the car, before looking over at me and reaching over to grab my hand.

“Do you prefer perhaps a tub of vanilla ice cream, while watching Night of the Living dead at my place? I’ll drop you off after.” I look over at him, I want to move my hand away but I lost my will too. I nod, and he smiles at me as we start driving towards his place.

I notice the smile is a fake one, but I don’t say anything.

Chapter Text

It was easy getting lying to my dad about coming home late and having a bruise on my cheek covered by a bandaid. I didn't like doing it but I knew damn well if I told the truth, he would've jumped the gun on Keanu. If we can't hang out anymore, the life of a loser is what's going to be ahead of me instead of the promised nirvana of popularity. Sunday was a quiet day, I don't recall what happened; I didn't check my phone and Keanu didn't bother coming over. 

I was more relieved than disappointed, to be honest. 

Once Monday morning rolls around, I stare at the closet; More clothing that Keanu bought for me that Saturday night. My hands start trembling for some reason as I grab one of the shirts and pants he picked out and rub my thumb against the thin fabric. He told me to start wearing them if I want to make a good post-impression on every one since I left the party early to have ice cream and movies with Keanu. Despite hitting me, he was kind afterward. Begging for forgiveness and swearing he won't do it uncalled for again. I apologized back, being stupid and throwing back all his efforts must've been infuriating. I don't blame why he did what he did. 

I hear my phone ring on my side table beside the bed, noticing the name 'Keanu Quantum' on the screen. Picking it up, I hear his voice before I have the chance to say hello. 

"Jeremy, good morning. I'm going to be driving you to school, be out in a few minutes. Remember to wear the clothes I bought you," He spoke formally, if you told me this was a human-sounding AI, I wouldn't have many reasons to doubt you. "I hope you slept well on Sunday, I wanted to let you rest up after your first party." 

Oh, I suppose that was why he didn't come by. That's was... kind of thoughtful of him. 

"I stayed in all day. I'm sorry about the sweater, I'll be sure to have it washed and given back to y-" He cut me off before I finished.

"Don't worry about that, keep it. Perhaps even wear it today, I want the school to know you're mine." Those words definitely earned a clumsy smile from me. I'm new to affection and being in a gay relationship in general, but small things that Keanu says makes me feel better about myself. Despite the short temper, he's not that bad of a guy. It's a shame Michael doesn't like him at all, supposedly.

But, just thinking that makes my stomach drop all the way to the core of the sun. Michael. I missed him and the image of his disgusted face flashed onto my mind the entire day yesterday. I felt my stomach churn and roll a lot, I thought I was going to puke a few times. I never did.

"Jeremy?" 

"Sorry, I got- distracted for a moment there. I'll be out in a few minutes." With an acknowledgment from Keanu, he hangs up and I'm left back to my malicious thoughts and unwavering guilt. Michael is gay, so he shouldn't have been disgusted by me kissing another boy. Another thought creeps up behind me, making my blood freeze up to dangerous levels. What if Keanu was right? 

Michael might've been upset that I kissed Keanu instead of him. 

I feel nauseated thinking on the subject, upsetting Michael is the last thing I want to do any day but I don't want to think about him having feels for me in that way. He's my best friend, someone I've entrusted so many of my secrets and fears to. Someone that made me feel comfortable with myself, with my body. I never want to risk that for a relationship that has no guarantee of working. I never want to date Michael only to break up and have him flat out ignore me because it would be too awkward or painful. The very idea has my chest crushing in on itself, making it difficult to even breathe correctly. 

I force myself to stop thinking; I have to get dressed for school anyways and Keanu should be at the front of my house in a few minutes. My dad is thankfully asleep in his room right now, making sneaking by without having to talk to him easier than eating a slice of cake. I check my bag for everything I would need, slipping my phone onto my back pocket as I open the front door and lock it behind me with the keys. Keanu isn't here yet and I feel a buzz in my back pocket. I pull it out, fully expecting it to be Keanu saying how he's only a minute away and to start heading down if I haven't already but my mind goes completely blank when I read the message on my screen instead. 

'jere, its michael. i have smth to say. meet me at school ftn when u get here'

The school fountain. It's in the middle of the school grounds and in the morning, it's empty with only a few students passing by to get to a certain area or kids reading by it for a quiet morning if the library is too packed at least. I don't know how many times I read the message but the words still sink into my thoughts and aren't coming out. A honk gets me off my phone and I see Keanu parked in front of my home, much neater and responsible than Michael ever did when he picked me up for school. I stand there gaping for a second seeing him unlock the door for me and motioning for me to enter. 

The moment I get in, closing the door beside me and putting on my seatbelt I speak up, "Michael wants to talk to me..."

"He does... I'm sure he wants to tell you the big news," Keanu speaks as formally as ever, which is not surprising at this point. 

"Big news? What do you mean? Did something happen?"

"It's not my place to tell," I glance at his hands on the steering wheel. It tightens and I feel my mouth dry up from the anxiety of just that one motion, "But you're in for a... surprise." I don't question it, frankly, I'm terrified of pushing his buttons right now. I feel I'm treading on thin ice after my stunt Saturday night and I want to make it up to him however way I can. The hairs on the back of my neck stand, my fingers tremble slightly as I feel warmth covering one of my hands. Keanu gives my hand a gentle squeeze, bringing it up to his lips and giving it a kiss. 

"I missed you a lot on Sunday. Did you miss me?"

I don't know. "I did. You should've come over." If you had, I don't think I would've made for good company anyways. I was too emotionally exhausted to even get out of bed.

He smiles to himself, answering with a soft "Good," as I stared out the window, seeing the familiar scene of ugly New Jersey scenery. The thought of Michael having something he wants to talk about drove my mood to the dump with no hope of getting it out until I know what he wants to talk to me about. 

Keanu drops me off at the front, he insists he's going to find parking himself and that I should focus on meeting up with Michael first. I let him go, seeing him drive off as I turn my attention to the entrance of Middle Borough High. Some eyes are on me, many of which smile and wave. I don't know any of these people, frankly, I don't recall ever speaking to them and before I was dating Keanu, they would ignore me. To be polite, I smile and wave back walking deeper into the school towards the fountain where Michael said he was going to be waiting. 

The same thing happens as my thoughts drive all other sounds away, I see people waving and smiling at me. Their mouth moving but I can't hear a word they're saying. Like second nature at this point, I fake a smile and wave back. I don't know what I'm doing but Keanu's words about the long face stuck with me I guess. Whatever it is, they seem to eat it up and giggle amongst themselves like a bunch of anime weebs. 

Normally, this feeling of being noticed and maybe like would be euphoric; Making me want to worship the very ground Keanu walks for granting me this impossible dream, which I still do, but I can't. 

The water rushing out from the stone tub onto a small pool of water can be heard from where I was, my nervous walking towards the fountain becomes a light dedicated jog towards the place as I see someone with a bit of an oversized sweater standing near the fountain, facing towards the water. My heart jumps as I finally reach him, wheezing a bit as I place a hand on his shoulder. 

"Michael..."

He turns around and my eyes widen looking at the face and appearance I least expected from my best friend. The hair I grew accustomed too was a bit messier than usual, instead of completely slicked back, some were on his forehead, accenting on his face shape in a beautiful way. His tan skin only seemed to be kissed more by the sun in a way that made me want to hold his hand but I refrain. I hate the thoughts coming to my head when it comes to his appearance, I'm not only dating someone but Michael is my best friend. 

I'm only missing the intimacy of friendship... I don't want to start confusing it with something else. 

But, of course, that's not the only thing I notice plenty of. His neck, just barely covered by the large sweater, is filled to the brim with hickies. Dark and completely contrasting to his sun-kissed skin. Bite marks were a dime a dozen amongst the love marks as well. My cheeks feel warm but my stomach drops more. I don't understand why this hurts me the way that it does. 

He opens his mouth, taking in the look in my eyes and sighs, a hand running through his hair. 

"I'm going to be blunt since I can tell by the way you're looking at me, you want answers."

"Y-yea..."

"I know you saw me at the party. With Danny," It stings. I hate this feeling. I hate it so much. "I left without him because I-" He inhaled sharply, "I saw you kiss Keanu."

"Mich-"

"I had a crush on you for a long time. I never expected you to like me back, you were always gushing about Christine anyways. But what the hell did he have that I didn't? You met him and in just a day you agree to date him." His voice was so hurt, so angry. I felt shame I never felt before and I only stay quiet and let him speak. 

"Maybe this whole time, I was stupid to have hopes of you liking me back for the past however long we knew each other. Maybe... I shouldn't have told myself that if I just confessed, things would work out," Michael pauses and looks at me. Despite him standing only a foot away, he felt so distant. I felt as though he was on a whole other planet than me, staring at me through a giant telescope. I did not say a word and I felt no words I could come up with together could satisfy Michael. The way his sentences were worded, the direction they were taking, I was begging silently to not be what I was thinking. 

"So I slept with him."

"What...?"

"I slept with Danny fucking Rivers, Jeremy." God, I want to cry. I don't know why.

"Why-? It was your first time, Michael. Why did you do something so stupid?"

"Because I was lonely and he gave me the attention I always wanted from you!" He yells at me, eyes closed tightly before he opens them and inhales sharply again, trying to keep the tears in. The way his lip trembles and his eyes have a gloss to them, the tears are welling up and I wish I could hug him but the situation right now, makes it suffocatingly impossible. 

"We're dating now anyways, so it's not stupid. I got to at least know him a bit before doing stupid shit as you did." Those words stab into me like the sharpest arrows in the universe. 

But Michael isn't wrong. 

My throat is dry and the word comes out drier. I feel ashamed for the anger and sadness raging within me towards Michael and Danny for being together. Thinking of that geek holding my best friend close and pressing his disgusting lips against Michael's soft lips makes me want to punch a wall until my knuckles break and I have to get my hand amputated. "Congratulations. I... I'm happy for you." 

"... are you really?" Michael asks in a quiet tone, it sounded desperate. Or maybe I'm desperate to want to hear that. 

"Yes." 

Michael stared at me, his eyes digging straight to my soul; After a few moments, he began nodding in understanding before grabbing his bag and leaving the fountain area. Once he passes me, I feel something on my cheek. Wet and hot, I press my finger against it and see that it's tears again. I hear Michael say before he steps into school, "Bye Jerebear." 

I'm not sure if it was that or the entire conversation, but before Keanu could reach the fountain area, I run to the bathroom and proceed to ball my eyes out as a child. Not out of sadness that Michael may not be my friend anymore or any of that crap.

I cried out of absolute fear that the painful feeling was, in fact, romantic jealousy.