Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lefou came in from the market, whistling to himself as he set a basket of blueberries and a couple baguettes down on the wooden dinner table Gaston had built them. Picking out a few nice ones to eat, he popped a few berries into his mouth and wiped his lips before heading over to the sink, and-

His attention was diverted as he noticed his companion sitting on the couch, reading.

"Oh! You're up early," Lefou smiled. He was the morning person around here, not Gaston-- but anyway, it was nice to see him up, and even nicer to see the dishes in the sink had been polished and put away. "Well, this is a treat." He smirked to himself. Gaston probably wanted to get laid, that was honestly the only time he...

Wait, wait, hold on. Lefou's smile faltered, and his nose scrunched up. Was he reading?!

"You've... got a book?" Lefou went over, rubbing Gaston's shoulders and peering down over them, "That looks..." He squinted at the tiny words on what looked like very ancient paper, "Um... elaborate." His companion just hummed.

"It's a religious scroll I nabbed from home before coming over. Still got the blood of the Turkish prince on the last few pages." Lefou hesitated, and frowned.

"Yeah, alright. Anyway, I got some fresh eggs, so I'll get those cooking for y-"

"Eggs?" The man on the couch scowled, "Vile. I hate eggs. I'd much prefer sheep sausage with some lemon pudding, if you'd be so kind as to prepare it."

"Are you out of your mind?" Lefou blurted, crossing his arms, "I get up at the crack of dawn every morning to gather all the stupid eggs in our yard to make you your favourite stupid breakfast, and now it's suddenly "oh, I hate eggs, eggs are vile!" as you sit there on your ass asking me to prepare a three course meal?" He whipped back to finish washing the berries, but turned again to glower some more. "And where am I supposed to get lemons around here, Gaston?! Should I go ask that Enchantress out in the woods for some, and get turned into a fucking wheelbarrow while I'm at it?!"  The tall man cocked his head, and turned, getting up to face the chubby man in the kitchen. Lefou frowned. "Did you cut your hair?"

A slow smirk developed on the taller's face, and he shook his head, sighing.

"The idiot didn't tell you, did he?"

Lefou inclined his head expectantly.

"GASTON!"

The sleeping hunter roused at the shrill scream, and scowled. The sun was up, but it wasn't up enough, and this was way too early for him. Was that Lefou screeching? It had sounded like a rooster.

"GASTON, YOU BETTER GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Gaston heaved a sigh, forcing himself up. He probably left his socks on the rug again or something.

As he rose, he realized he wasn't wearing any pants- oh right, he and Lefou had had a late one at the tavern last night and ended up making love (rather loudly) until the small hours- so he tugged on some breeches and shambled his way out to the living room of their little cottage.

"Lefou, what's got you-"

He turned to the other man standing there, and blinked. "Oh. Vlad. You came early." Lefou raised his eyebrows so high they looked like they were about to jump off his forehead, and Vlad crossed his arms. Gaston laughed. "Lefou did that too, last night."

"THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR SEX JOKES!" Lefou shouted, and Gaston flinched. Yes, it was true he neglected to tell his love that he... well...

"I have a twin brother," Gaston told Lefou, refusing to look him in the eye in fear of the fire he would find there. "This is Vlad Tepes. He's... from very far from here. I haven't seen him in years!"

"Tepes... is that a ma-ri-tal name?" Lefou sounded it out shortly, tapping his foot.

"Nope," Gaston grimaced.

Lefou glared. "So you're telling me, that your last name isn't Deveneaux-- it's Tepes?! Gaston Tepes?! Therefore, if we ever got married, I'd be LEFOU TEPES?!"

"What's wrong with Tepes? It means appetizer in your culture," Vlad muttered.

"No, that's tapas," Gaston informed him under his breath.

"Would you two shut up?!" Lefou growled. "When were you going to tell me this, Gaston?" he demanded.

"Well, I thought it would be best not to," Gaston tried, "In case there ever came a situation where I didn't want to be there, and I could use him-"

"Gaston."

"Look, I just didn't feel the need to, alright?!" Gaston muttered, flopping down on the couch and sticking his arms behind his head, "My brother's..."

"He didn't tell you, because he's worried you'll think I'm hotter," Vlad flashed a grin.

"Excuse me?!" Gaston bellowed, getting up again and clenching his jaw, "I know for certain my beloved Lefou would never be unfaithful to me!"

"Unless he couldn't tell us apart, dear brother," Vlad chuckled, and Gaston grabbed him by the shirt.

"You touch him-"

"I don't want to touch him," Vlad shoved Gaston off him with such ridiculously superhuman strength the hunter went flying into the wall with a crash, "Although... you did always have impeccable taste in men."

Gaston smirked, forgetting his rage. "And you always had wonderful taste in women. How's Mina, by the way?"

"Dead," Vlad murmured, "Pity I couldn't save her-- but that's another long story."

Lefou squeaked. So this was happening. "Well, if you're staying for a while, I'll get breakfast on. You don't like egg, do you? Got it. Blueberries then, Vlad?"

"Actually, have you got any red meat? Preferably uncooked."

"What the f-"

"Lefou!" Gaston swallowed, and tugged his lover's sleeve as he began to notice his brother stirring at the idea of red meat, "I believe we actually have some unfinished business from l-last night, don't we, darling?!"

Lefou blushed. "Gaston..." The hunter grimaced as Vlad took out some carved up deer meat they had kept on some ice, opened his mouth, and-

"To the bedroom!" Gaston shouted, whirling him around, and Lefou frowned.

"But-"

"I just can't wait any longer, I must have you," Gaston gulped, and shut the door. He began to kiss Lefou, but the shorter man just pushed him off.

"Why is he here?" Lefou hissed once they were alone.

"I don't know," Gaston confessed, running a hand through his hair. "I invited him in the spring, so you could finally meet him... properly."

"Uh huh," Lefou shook his head. After a minute, he sat down on their bed, and sighed. "Gaston... I'm sorry for making a big deal out of it." He sighed, "I just would've liked a little notice."

"I..." Gaston seemed as if he was about to apologize, but got distracted as he caught his reflection in their mirror, smirking and making a kissy face.

"For the love of god," Lefou muttered, and suddenly, there was a crash outside. Lefou got up instantly, but Gaston grabbed his wrist.

"Wait."

"Wait? Why?" Lefou snatched his hand back, and opened the door. "....Oh my god."

There was blood all over the table, Vlad feeding on whatever was left of that deer they had. He looked up, sharp incisors in plain sight, and Lefou fainted.

Gaston looked down at his companion, and let out a growl. "You get to explain this."

"Fine," Vlad shrugged, "Are there any more deer in your area, brother? That one was sweet."

When Lefou woke up, it took about an hour for him to accept the story.

"So... you became a vampire because you wanted to save your people from the... Turks?" Lefou asked slowly, raising the bottle of brandy his mother had given them when they had visited Provence.

"Essentially, yes," Vlad nodded. Lefou turned to Gaston incredulously.

"So... so you led an entire raid on a castle to kill a Beast because that was 'dark magic', yet you sit here, across from a vampire, as if he's the most normal thing on this planet?!"

"Well, I grew up with him," Gaston shrugged.

"Is it true you led a raid driven by hatred?" Vlad asked, frowning, and Gaston rolled his eyes.

"One has to keep up appearances! I can't just announce to everyone in the village, 'oh, you can all relax. My brother is a vampire, so there's no need to worry over a hideous monster living in the woods!'" Lefou huffed at that, and Vlad crossed his arms.

"I'm telling mum."

"You told me your mother was dead!" Lefou shrieked at Gaston.

"She is," Vlad and Gaston both answered in sync. Lefou's eyes widened, and he would've fainted again if Gaston didn't toss cold water at his face. The dripping Lefou blinked.

"So, Vlad," he croaked, "How long are you staying?"

It was a poor decision on Lefou's part to let his companion's twin stay.  Gaston being Gaston, he couldn't keep a secret for longer than two days, and soon the entire village was acquainted with Vlad.

One day, Lefou took them both out to get some more jam. Stanley walked by, tipping his hat.

"Morning, Monsieur Lefou. Morning, Monsieur Vlad."

"That's Gaston," Lefou sighed.

"Morning Gaston!" Tom shouted with a large smile from the cheese monger at the man standing by the tapestries, and Lefou whipped around.

"That's Vlad."

"Oh," Dick muttered, and tipped his hat. "Bonjour, Gaston," he smiled at Vlad, and Lefou smacked his forehead. Vlad just laughed, and Lefou dragged him over to where Gaston was buying flowers.

"You were never the romantic type, what's changed?" Vlad frowned at his brother.

"I've learned how to please my love," Gaston retorted defensively, "Lefou likes flowers, so I buy him new ones for the table every morning." Lefou snuggled up to his arm in appreciation, and they shared a kiss.

Vlad looked from Lefou, to Gaston, to the bouquets of cardamoms... and picked out a bunch, paying for it.

And so the rivalry began.

Lefou would come home every day, and Vlad and Gaston would both be at the door, waiting to take his coat. Vlad would have a glass of fine wine waiting for him, and Gaston would have his latest kill roasting on the fire.

When they went on hunting trips, Vlad insisted he was a better hunter than Gaston, which Gaston laughed into oblivion at, so they spent the entire time bitterly fighting to show off in front of Lefou.

Gaston was so close to claiming the winning kill with his crossbow as Lefou looked on in reverie, but Vlad transformed into a colony of bats, practically eating the prey alive where they waited. Gaston clenched his fists.

"You cheated."

Eventually, it reached a point where they would argue in public.

"I'm more impressive than you in every way," Vlad told Gaston with that smug look (Lefou guessed where Gaston got it from), "Mina used to rave for days about how the muscles in my back rippled so."

"Please, I could lift two people on my shoulders!" Gaston spat back, "I'm this town's hero. I don't remember you being a war hero!"

"Oh, that's incredibly low," Vlad growled, "I fought off 25,000 Turks on my own, but you saving your quaint little town from a couple dozen Portuguese Marauders ultimately conquers my battle glory." He took a breath. "And on top of being a hero, Gaston, I am a Prince! I don't believe you have such a title to your name, do you?"

"Oh, you're a prince," Gaston scoffed, "The very thing I tried to kill."

"Tried being the key word," Vlad muttered. "But I'm glad you didn't. That's all you knew how to do, was kill," he argued, "I know how to deal with things diplomatically. I wouldn't have gone to war if I could have avoided it- you thirsted for it!"

"This war left me with mental scars," Gaston seethed.

"I can't show you all my scars," Vlad bit back, "It would take days."

"Oh, you got hurt a lot," Gaston pouted, "My poor, royal brother. Would you like me to fetch your palace hands to help you treat them?"

"You know... I'm twenty seconds older than you," Vlad hissed.

"Well, I've probably got a bigger dick than you!" Gaston said a little too loudly, "Right Lefou?!" In the seats in front of them, Stanley choked.

"Is everything alright?" Père Robert asked apprehensively, pausing his sermon.

"Oh yes, everything is fine, sir," Vlad smiled cordially.

"HE'S A VAMPIRE!" Gaston shouted petulantly, and stood Lefou up, storming out with him as everyone turned to glance at a very pale Vlad.

That night, Lefou made some roast ham and served it with fresh veggies from their garden and mulled blackberry wine in an effort to make things better with everyone.

"Mmm," Gaston smiled, rubbing Lefou's back and taking his hand, "This wine is sweet, darling."

"I bet Lefou tastes sweeter," Vlad winked.

"I can't tell if that's an advance or an offer to suck my blood," Lefou quirked his head.

Gaston got up from the table, chair flying back as he rolled up his sleeves and regarded his brother. "Fight me for him. Right now." Vlad got up too, baring his fangs, and under normal circumstances, Lefou would either a), hide under the table as his precious vases and ham got destroyed in TepesBowl 1743, or b), finish his green beans in blissful ignorance, pretending to ignore the egg Gaston just hurled across his house.

But no. These were no normal circumstances.

"That. Is. It!" Lefou shouted, and got up as well. "For god's sake, you're brothers! I get that I'm hot, okay, and I know I'm cute as a goddamn button, but frankly, neither of you deserve me right now!"

"But, Lefou-" Gaston began to protest weakly.

"You can share! Please. Just share! Gaston, I love you more than anything, dear. But Vlad- you're really sexy too, okay?!"

"You wound me, Lefou," Gaston breathed, and Lefou pranced over to press five kisses to his face, finally to his lips.

"You'll always be my love. But... don't you think you two can simply take turns?"

"Never," Vlad sneered, fangs already glinting.

"Then I'm going to march my little ass right down the street and put a ring on Stanley's finger," Lefou snapped at both men.

"Wait!"

"No, wait, we can share."

Lefou rolled his eyes, and plunked back down as Gaston and Vlad looked across the table at each other.

"Well... we are brothers," Vlad mumbled, looking down.

"Yes," Gaston sighed, "We are."

"You... you may not have been the romantic type, but you helped me get my first girlfriend by failing to woo her," Vlad attempted, managing a smile.

"You... may not have been the fighting type, but you helped me kill my first soldier by missing his heart," Gaston offered.

"Now..." Vlad smiled.

"Now, we're both masters of fucking and fighting!" Gaston finished, a smile blossoming. Vlad nodded cheerfully, and they both raised a glass, gulping the wine down. Then Gaston shrugged. "Of course, Lefou... my infamous biting skills run in the family." Both brothers turned to stare at Lefou, ravenous expressions upon their faces. Lefou swallowed, dropping his fork.

What had he gotten himself into?   

Needless to say, the townspeople were more than a little worried when Lefou not only had a stomach bite to show off at the tavern the next night, but alongside his two proud boyfriends, ten more all over his properly worshipped body.