Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

God of Eurobeat added American Dream to Teachers only, please!

God of Eurobeat: This is a long time coming, I think!!!
God of Eurobeat: Welcome to the teacher's chat, All Might!!!

Nyquil: hey now its a party!!!!!

American Dream: Ah, thank you, Present Mic! Truth be told, I only just got this account! I suppose that this is the group chat for teachers?

Principal Nedzu: Yes, Yagi-san! Think of it as a quick way to get in touch with your colleagues!
Principal Nedzu: Yamada-san came up with the idea following the Kamino debacle, and we only just added you and Ectoplasm!

slimefucker 9000: hey. open question.
slimefucker 9000: regarding the chat.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Go Ahead!

slimefucker 9000: okay first of all what the fuck is with your handle.

GAAAAAOOOOO: YOURE ONE TO TALK "SLIMEFUCKER"

slimefucker 9000: point taken.
slimefucker 9000: my real question was. is there a voice chat?

Principal Nedzu: Ah, there isn't, no! I do apologize!

slimefucker 9000: :/
slimefucker 9000: then what's even the goddamn point.

That's Pussy, Babe!: rip
That's Pussy, Babe!: okay what the fuck
That's Pussy, Babe!: hizashi

Nyquil: jgnfkfdrjnfjknf

That's Pussy, Babe!: i want a divorce

God of Eurobeat: BUT WERE NOT MARRIED

That's Pussy, Babe!: Yamada Hizashi, would you make me the happiest man on Earth by becoming Aizawa Hizashi?

American Dream: MY GOODNESS!!!

slimefucker 9000: fucking plot twist

God of Eurobeat: Shouta I.
God of Eurobeat: OF COURSE!!

That's Pussy, Babe!: good
That's Pussy, Babe!: i want a divorce

high noon: dhhcgjopjgkfhsgsrg

Vlad Tepes: Wow mood

Rockingbird: Stone cold.

Nyquil: wanna hear something cursed

That's Pussy, Babe!: not really

Rockingbird: You know what? Why not. Go ahead, Kayama.

Nyquil: twink might

Rockingbird: Admission rescinded. Die.

God of Eurobeat: EJRRFJNEJDNIJDBBJND3RF
God of Eurobeat: ALL MIGHT'S TINY FORM REALLY IS TWINKISH
God of Eurobeat: LIKE HIS HERO FORM WAS HUNK
God of Eurobeat: AND NOW HE'S A TWINK

Vlad Tepes: By Allah, not in this chat you don't

American Dream: ...

That's Pussy, Babe!: oh no

Twink Might: :-)

That's Pussy, Babe!: oh No

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Yamada, I blame you for this.

God of Eurobeat: that's fair.

That's Pussy, Babe!: blood kink i stg
That's Pussy, Babe!: come get your sassy lost child.

Vlad Tepes: Which one

That's Pussy, Babe!: monokuma or w/e his name is

Vlad Tepes: You know as well as I do that Monoma is uncontrollable

GAAAAAOOOOO: BLOOD KINK

That's Pussy, Babe!: i have made a mistake

Vlad Tepes: Youre damn right
Vlad Tepes: Now I have to put up with this next time me and ryou fuck

Nyquil: wait you two are fucking?

GAAAAAOOOOO: YES

Vlad Tepes: Weve been dating for three years

Nyquil: wow
Nyquil: cant believe blood kink is a furry

Vlad Tepes: I am not a furry

GAAAAAOOOOO: SEKIJIROU IS DEFINITELY A FURRY
GAAAAAOOOOO: ON OUR FIRST DATE HE ASKED IF I HAD A KNOT

Nyquil: holy fucking shit

Vlad Tepes: Ryou I trusted you and you do this to me

God of Eurobeat: Top Ten Anime Betrayals

Twink Might: Ah, that's right! Aizawa, why have you not changed your name to something else?

That's Pussy, Babe!: cant be bothered

God of Eurobeat: He doesn't know how.

That's Pussy, Babe!: you motherfucker

Nyquil: top ten anime betrayals

Vlad Tepes: Anyways All Might come get your son he Kendou and Rin are in my class' dorms crying over a C-drama

Twink Might: Young Midoriya is not my son!!!

high noon: yet you instantly knew it was midoriya huh

Twink Might: Suddenly, I cannot read

Lunchables: that is a mood right there

slimefucker 9000: nedzu you thot there totally is a voicechat.
slimefucker 9000: you just don't want a karaoke night.

Principal Nedzu: :3c

Nyquil: furry

Principal Nedzu: Kayama-san, I am literally an animal.

Lunchables: yet you wont tell us what you are???
Lunchables: ive seen american fast food with a better defined species

Principal Nedzu: I'm the principal! Let's agree on that for my species!
Principal Nedzu: But, truth be told, I'm not totally sure myself, after all those experiments.

Rockingbird: This is absolute bullshit. We've gone this long and we still don't know Nedzu's species.

Nyquil: well theres only one way to find out
Nyquil: yo neds
Nyquil: you got a knot

Principal Nedzu: All of the sudden, I find myself totally illiterate, so I cannot answer this question.

Vlad Tepes: Midnight I am going to murder you and no court of law will find me accountable

Nyquil: thats fair

Chapter Text

Twink Might: I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO DID THIS

Lunchables: woah wait what

Nyquil: yo toshi whats the problem

Twink Might: WHO CHANGED MY RINGTONE
Twink Might: THIS IS MOST INAPPROPRIATE
Twink Might: IT WENT OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASS

Vlad Tepes: Luckily for us it was in english and there were only a couple students around that arent even that good in english anyways
Vlad Tepes: I dont like thinking about what would happen if Tsunotori heard it

Rockingbird: Well, what were the lyrics? That would help us narrow down the culprit.

Twink Might: Oh.
Twink Might: They were.
Twink Might: That is to say, er.

Vlad Tepes: "It's Niagara Falls in this pussy all day"

GAAAAAOOOOO: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

high noon: dhdjfhjkjrknek

Nyquil: BIG MOOD

That's Pussy, Babe!: that settles it
That's Pussy, Babe!: it was hizashi

God of Eurobeat: BABE PLEASE

Twink Might: YOU!!!

God of Eurobeat: OH GOD HE'S GONNA KILL ME

That's Pussy, Babe!: rip

Nyquil: the m in bdsm stands for midnight

slimefucker 9000: i thought "m" stood for slope.

Nyquil: holy shit
Nyquil: ecto ur a fucking genius
Nyquil: sexy math
Nyquil: measuring the slope of that ass

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Please no.

roadrolla da: Midnight that would be a Perfectly Flat Ass

That's Pussy, Babe!: cementoss

Nyquil: klokerjdoirujnkwmorjd

Rockingbird: Aizawa I thought I could trust you.

That's Pussy, Babe!: ishiyama its like two cereal boxes glued together
That's Pussy, Babe!: admit that im right and move on with your life

God of Eurobeat: Okay I'm alive I managed to distract him with his son.

Nyquil: thats good
Nyquil: midoriyas a good purifying force

Lunchables: he is a rather nice kid

Hello, Nurse!!!: If he's so pure, why does he keep showing up in my health suite with broken bones and whatnot?!

Nyquil: wait hold on
Nyquil: youre saying toshis alone with midoriya right tf now

God of Eurobeat: ...Yes?

Nyquil: cool give me a sec

GAAAAAOOOOO: OH NO

Twink Might: KAYAMA!!!!

Nyquil: o fuck
Nyquil: zooms tf out

Twink Might: YOU GET BACK HERE AND FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS!!!!

That's Pussy, Babe!: ive been trying to do that for fifteen years
That's Pussy, Babe!: yet both me and midnight are still employed

Principal Nedzu: Yagi-san, please stop trying to murder your coworkers!
Principal Nedzu: Also, Aizawa-san, the work you and Kayama-san do is exemplary despite your... Odd personalities.
Principal Nedzu: Odd. That's the word.

Twink Might: Principal Nedzu, Kayama knew exactly what was happening!
Twink Might: I was talking to young Midoriya
Twink Might: Who is NOT my son

high noon: suspicious

Twink Might: Hush
Twink Might: She called my phone while I was talking to young Midoriya
Twink Might: I thought we were both going to die of embarrassment

Nyquil: anyways im in a steel bunker
Nyquil: what did he hear

Twink Might: I.
Twink Might: It was.

high noon: i was passin by
high noon: "slurp that dick till it cum"

GAAAAAOOOOO: DNHFJKEJERNKNR

Nyquil: STILL A MOOD

Twink Might: Where are you Kayama?!?! Yamada?!?!

God of Eurobeat: MOSCOW LOOKING PRETTY GOOD THIS YEAR!!!

Nyquil: see ya in paris toshi

please let me sleep: thanks for telling me how to change my name

Twink Might: Thank you for showing me how to change other peoples' ringtones!!

roadrolla da: oh no

God of Eurobeat: I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS
God of Eurobeat: I REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED MY RINGTONE TO BE REPLACED WITH TAYLOR SWIFT

Nyquil: thats what he got you with
Nyquil: mine was changed to blood on the dance floor
Nyquil: we probably deserve this

Vlad Tepes: You think

Chapter Text

Nyquil: And as Shouta gazed into Enji's eyes, he whispered, "Enji, though you burn hotter than a thousand suns, I want you to know that my love burns with an even greater intesity."
Nyquil: wait fuck deleTE DELETE

please let me sleep: kayama im going to kill you

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Alright, Midnight, what the fuck is this.

roadrolla da: Wait does this mean that YOU'RE KaianFiction

Nyquil: shit what gave it away

roadrolla da: Theres literally only one EndeavorHead fic in existence and the writing style is identical

Lunchables: you read fanfiction about your coworkers???

roadrolla da: I cant read suddenly I Dont Know

Nyquil: wait so do you like
Nyquil: have an account
Nyquil: or

roadrolla da: I SAID I CANT READ

God of Eurobeat: Oh my god Nemuri I thought we were bros why would you do this to me

please let me sleep: youre not even IN the fic

Nyquil: well honestly i was gonna continue the erasermic fic but you two are giving me like
Nyquil: zero material

please let me sleep: material huh
please let me sleep: hows this then
please let me sleep: hizashi.

God of Eurobeat: ??

please let me sleep: You. Me. Ageha Lounge. Tonight. 2030. Wear those leather gloves I like.

God of Eurobeat: !!
God of Eurobeat: Yes mistress!
God of Eurobeat: Wait fuck

please let me sleep: god dammit hizashi i am this close to cutting off the date but tbh i already called the place in the seconds it took you to respond so count yourself lucky

GAAAAAOOOOO: WAIT YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY FUCKING

Nyquil: ryou if you had been paying attention to them at all youd know theyve been together since high school

GAAAAAOOOOO: WHAT
GAAAAAOOOOO: THEN WHY ARE YOU WRITING FANFICTION ABOUT THEM

Nyquil: cause its funny

Rockingbird: It's her kink.

Nyquil: you stone faced motherfucker

Twink Might: I am here!

Hello, Nurse!!!: Yes, we know, Toshinori.

Twink Might: With an adorable picture that young Midoriya has sent me!
Twink Might: image.png

Hello, Nurse!!!: Awww!!! That is rather adorable!!! Midoriya-kun looks so cute when he's not UNCONSCIOUS IN MY HEALTH SUITE!!!

Twink Might: I SAID I WAS SORRY

Nyquil: wait hold on well get back to that
Nyquil: toshi whos that babe in the picture
Nyquil: the one with the chubby cheeks

Twink Might: Hm? You mean Inko-san? She is young Midoriya's mother!

Nyquil: holy fucking shit
Nyquil: toshi youre not married to that right

Twink Might: No. Once again, young Midoriya is not my son, and Inko-san is not my wife, widow, or otherwise.

Nyquil: interesting
Nyquil: then im going in
Nyquil: gonna scuba dive into that pussy

Hello, Nurse!!!: My goodness.

high noon: ifn ya dont mind im thinkin that im gonna fight you for her

Nyquil: oh yeah
Nyquil: you and what money

high noon: ive got bout thirty guns

Nyquil: so
Nyquil: im p sure the ladies enjoy handcuffs and whips more than they do guns

high noon: yall dont know what i do with em tho

Nyquil: jjfkedkjdmdjrfnkemdjrnke

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Cowboys Make Do.

Vlad Tepes: Oh my god Thirteen why

slimefucker 9000: enough!!!!!!!!

Nyquil: alright then enough playing around
Nyquil: toshi

Twink Might: I had hoped you would have forgotten me

Nyquil: give me and snipe inkos number

high noon: yall realizin that if we do this
high noon: then it means war

Nyquil: my last hookup was with mt lady i think i deserve a nice regular sized date

slimefucker 9000: vore

Nyquil: youre one to talk

slimefucker 9000: at least i'm honest.

high noon: turns out havin two teachers corner ya to ask bout ya mother aint a good idea

Nyquil: well how was i supposed to know hed dissolve into blushing and mumbling

Twink Might: I am assuming you called Inko-san then?

Nyquil: yeah we went one after another

high noon: we ended up settin up a date one after another

Nyquil: if they bleed into each other then thats all the better
Nyquil: shell get to see that im obviously the better of the two

high noon: now them right theres fightin words

Nyquil: "Here we are at SeaWorld, Nedzu-kun," Hound Dog said. Nedzu didn't care. His breasts were sore from ragging it hardcore.

Principal Nedzu: Kayama-san, if you must use a date locale, please don't use SeaWorld.
Principal Nedzu: I am quite stanchly against any of their practices.

Nyquil: "Here we are at the Titty Typhoon, Nedzu-kun," Hound Dog said. Nedzu didn't care. His breasts were sore from ragging it hardcore.
Nyquil: better?

Principal Nedzu: For some reason, I'm still unsatisfied, but it's good enough, I suppose.
Principal Nedzu: Incidentally, are you going to post this on your account?

Nyquil: nah this was just for you

Principal Nedzu: Your writing really is quite good; once again, I urge you to consider looking into getting your works published

Nyquil: nah thats not me
Nyquil: thanks for the praise tho

God of Eurobeat: Guys the sex was awesome.

please let me sleep: hizashi if you say anything more im going to kick you out of the goddamn room entirely

God of Eurobeat: SUDDENLY I CANT TALK

Nyquil: you better talk!!!
Nyquil: hizashi!!!
Nyquil: DAMN YOU ZAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

Hello, Nurse!!!: Aizawa Shouta!!!

please let me sleep: oh no

Hello, Nurse!!!: Perhaps you could explain to me why Yamada had to come into my health suite today?

please let me sleep: i have to go right now immediately

Hello, Nurse!!!: Oh no you don't!
Hello, Nurse!!!: Young man, you explain to me right this instant why Yamada currently looks and sounds like he's been choked!!!

GAAAAAOOOOO: GJFDKJFKDNNERJEDNN

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Dear Andromeda.

please let me sleep: yo no hablo japones

Hello, Nurse: Don't think you haven't heard the last of this!

Vlad Tepes: Can this be the last Ive heard of this

GAAAAAOOOOO: BABE ITS NOT LIKE WEVE DONE WORSE
GAAAAAOOOOO: WHAT WAS THAT THING YOU LIKE WITH THE SAWHORSE

Vlad Tepes: Bad dog no treat

GAAAAAOOOOO: SHUTTING UP NOW

Nyquil: hey seki

Vlad Tepes: Im going to regret this arent I

Nyquil: probably
Nyquil: what did you do on your first date with ryou

Vlad Tepes: I took him out for a drink
Vlad Tepes: Got sloshed
Vlad Tepes: Said some things that were really really sexual
Vlad Tepes: We banged
Vlad Tepes: And here we are three years later

Nyquil: okay so my normal plan then

Vlad Tepes: If thats your normal plan then Im worried for Midoriya-sans well being

Nyquil: that reminds me
Nyquil: does ryou have a knot or not

Vlad Tepes: That joke was terrible

Nyquil: it was
Nyquil: deets

GAAAAAOOOOO: SEKIJIROU IF YOU ANSWER THAT IM REVOKING ALL LEASH PRIVILEGES

Vlad Tepes: On me or you

GAAAAAOOOOO: ALL OF THEM

Vlad Tepes: Well shit
Vlad Tepes: Sorry Midnight looks like Im on a short chain this time

Nyquil: youre in the doghouse huh

GAAAAAOOOOO: YOU TWO ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST

Nyquil: so me and snipe are here

high noon: m actually nervous
high noon: its my firs date in forever

Nyquil: you and me both buddy
Nyquil: if this doesnt work out ill buy you a drink
Nyquil: sound fair

high noon: i think id like that sugarplum

please let me sleep: are you just going to stand there or are you going to knock on the door

Nyquil: we actually dont know which apartment is hers

God of Eurobeat: Oh my god.

Twink Might: I've just sent you her apartment number.

Lunchables: and why do you have that...?

God of Eurobeat: Hm... Suspicious...

Twink Might: I was the one who went and told her about the dormitories!
Twink Might: Not only that, I had young Midoriya tell me where it was, since, admittedly, I am not all that good with directions.

slimefucker 9000: you don't even know where your own son lives.
slimefucker 9000: you are a terrible father.

please let me sleep: still a better dad than shoutos

Twink Might: What is this about Endeavor?

GAAAAAOOOOO: NOT OUR PLACE TO SAY
GAAAAAOOOOO: TODOROKI WILL TELL YOU WHEN HES GOOD AND READY

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: This sounds worrisome.
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Who knows?

GAAAAAOOOOO: ME AIZAWA RECOVERY GIRL AND NEDZU

Nyquil: i think we all have the same suspicions about this but can we do this tomorrow
Nyquil: im about to beat snipe in the dating game

Principal Nedzu: Loathe as I am to admit it, Kayama-san is right here.
Principal Nedzu: I really cannot legally act unless young Todoroki-san is willing and able to give testimony.
Principal Nedzu: Please note the wording above.
Principal Nedzu: *I* cannot act *legally*.

high noon: i see
high noon: stealth
high noon: im likin this idea
high noon: now hush yall were here

Nyquil: oh my god holy fuck oh my god

Lunchables: >:?

Nyquil: rush you fucking homestuck now is not the time

afternoonGourmand: its always time motherfucker

Nyquil: im going to burn this restaurant to the ground with you in it you dave strider piece of shit

Vlad Tepes: Kayama calm down whats going on

Nyquil: you guys know snipes fucking
Nyquil: nose chain piercing

afternoonGourmand: yes? to be fair hes mostly in costume so i keep forgetting about it

Nyquil: well hes certainly not in costume now
Nyquil: apparently he got a couple more piercings
Nyquil: there's a stud in his tongue

God of Eurobeat: HOT!!!
God of Eurobeat: Wait there's the implication of more.
God of Eurobeat: Where else has my Metal Bro gotten pierced?

Nyquil: okay well revisit metal bro later cause im spending too much time in the bathroom as is
Nyquil: the fucking point is that he noticed that both me and inko were staring at it
Nyquil: inkos blushing this whole time i dont think shes used to having a double date with only three people

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Wait how does that Work?

Nyquil: LATER
Nyquil: anyways the smug motherfucker notices our stares
Nyquil: he leans in
Nyquil: and fucking goes
Nyquil: "thems aint my only piercin's ifn ya catch my drift"

Rockingbird: kjfkdfjdnrjdnrne
Rockingbird: I've never seen him this forward before.

Twink Might: I do not get it?

Nyquil: aw toshi youre cute but i gotta get out there and step it up
Nyquil: is it bad that i want to see snipe after this is over for some solo time

please let me sleep: dont you have a date

Nyquil: i know!!! stop talking to me!!!

please let me sleep: turn off your phone then

GAAAAAOOOOO: AIZAWA WHAT DID YAMADA MEAN BY METAL BRO

God of Eurobeat: DON'T TELL THEM///////////

slimefucker 9000: wow i can actually hear the blush from here.

please let me sleep: hizashi got his nipples and navel pierced so that i can clip a chain onto them
please let me sleep: its a sex thing

God of Eurobeat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Rockingbird: Hey, Principal Nedzu?

Principal Nedzu: Hm? Yes, Ishiyama-san?

Rockingbird: Is it illegal to send someone a PowerPoint filled with nothing but porn and doujinshi of themselves?

Principal Nedzu: Not to my knowledge.

Rockingbird: Cool. Aizawa, let me into your class' dorms.

please let me sleep: its too late for this
please let me sleep: do it in the middle of the day
please let me sleep: itll be funnier

Twink Might: I can let you in, Ishiyama-san!
Twink Might: For I am here, checking in on young Todoroki anyways!

Rockingbird: Good. I'll be there in five minutes.

Twink Might: Is this what I think it is?

Rockingbird: It certainly is, All Might.
Rockingbird: It certainly is.

Chapter Text

Principal Nedzu: Has anyone seen Snipe-san or Kayama-san?

God of Eurobeat: NO!!!

GAAAAAOOOOO: I HAD TO FILL IN FOR SNIPE
GAAAAAOOOOO: I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON WITH HIS CLASS BUT IM GONNA COUNSEL THE SHIT OUTTA THEM

please let me sleep: it was kinda funny seeing the principal try to decipher nemuris handwriting and schedule

high noon: howdy

GAAAAAOOOOO: THERE YOU ARE

Principal Nedzu: Where on Earth are you two?!

Nyquil: we overslept

afternoonGourmand: but its 4:30 in the afternoon?

Nyquil: thats what happens when you fuck for ten hours straight

high noon: to be fair
high noon: inkos got quite an imagination on her

afternoonGourmand: wait what

Nyquil: yeah its actually nice not being the dom this time

please let me sleep: stop

Nyquil: hey @high noon how many piercings do you have in total
Nyquil: counting the ones on your dick

please let me sleep: please stop

GAAAAAOOOOO: PLEASE CONTINUE
GAAAAAOOOOO: ONES? AS IN MULTIPLE?

high noon: yeah ywanna see em

Principal Nedzu: I don't need to see this.
Principal Nedzu: If you absolutely must share nudes, please do it in private messages.

Nyquil: alright but youre missing out

Nyquil: hey james

Rockingbird: "James"?

high noon: yea sugarplum

Rockingbird: James???

Nyquil: did you give incchan our emails

Twink Might: Incchan???

high noon: no
high noon: why

Nyquil: check your mail

Twink Might: Let us back up for a second
Twink Might: Who are James and Incchan?

Nyquil: snipe and inko
Nyquil: keep up

high noon: well slap my ass and call me shirly

Nyquil: if you insist

high noon: yall wanna see footage of last night

Nyquil: yes

Twink Might: NO!!!

please let me sleep: no

Vlad Tepes: No

slimefucker 9000: no.

Hello, Nurse!!!: No thank you.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Please No

God of Eurobeat: What if I want to

please let me sleep: then i divorce you and keep the apartment

God of Eurobeat: I understand.

Nyquil: so as it turns out
Nyquil: james' quirk works on everything he shoots

God of Eurobeat: jdkjfndkmjnrkdekfrjkrijfed

Nyquil: everything

Vlad Tepes: Blessed Allah strike me where I stand so that I dont have to hear this

Nyquil: you can run but you cant hide from the truth

Twink Might: I don't get it???

please let me sleep: stay pure bunny boy

Twink Might: "Bunny Boy"?

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Ah! All Might does sometimes look like a rabbit! I can see it! ^^

slimefucker 9000: guys help me thirteen is adorable i'm going to die.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Oh stop it, you! >////<

slimefucker 9000: send help i'm dying.

Nyquil: guys im s h o o k

high noon: as am i

Rockingbird: Elaborate.

Nyquil: so me and james get back to the school eventually
Nyquil: and who happens to be waiting for us other than midoriya

Twink Might: Oh! Young Midoriya's mother must have told him about the date!
Twink Might: Or at least, the family-friendy parts.

high noon: yea we figured that
high noon: anyway the kid just looks at us
high noon: and he goes somethin like
high noon: "if yall do anything to hurt my mom, im gonna destroy ya"

Nyquil: to prove this he took out one of those journals hes always writing in and just starts listing off literally every possible fact that there is to know about us
Nyquil: including my measurements and james' last name

high noon: then he slams the book shut
high noon: glares at us
high noon: n then walks off

Nyquil: toshi your kid is out of control

Twink Might: I shall have a talk with young Midoriya.
Twink Might: Who is NOT my son!

Nyquil: yeah sure

Nyquil: Nedzu crawled on top of Aizawa and looked at him dead in the eye, his stare containing nothing but hunger. "You know what I desire," He growled.

"Do I?" Aizawa smirked, "What exactly is that?"

please let me sleep: im going to kill you

Nyquil: thats fair

Principal Nedzu: Hm. I do not like this.

Nyquil: thats fair too

Nyquil: so anyways i decided to send endy a bunch of scraps of paper
Nyquil: so that when he puts it all together like a jigsaw puzzle it has a letter saying what a bad parent he is

Rockingbird: Kayama, that's incredibly convoluted and murder mystery for you.
Rockingbird: One would think you would be more into cheesy romance.

Nyquil: nothing like a good mystery

Rockingbird: I agree. I'm honestly impressed.

Nyquil: thanks you stone cold motherfucker

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: You're always welcome.

Chapter Text

please let me sleep: guys its really not funny

Nyquil: it really kinda is

God of Eurobeat: IT'S PRETTY FUNNY!!

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: What is it?

please let me sleep: kayama hizashi if you tell thirteen i will personally kill both of you

God of Eurobeat: SHUTTING UP NOW!!!

Nyquil: ugh fiiiine
Nyquil: one sec tho

Twink Might: Aizawa! Young Hagakure is crushing on you?!

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: WHAT?!

please let me sleep: okay then kayama time for death

Nyquil: worth

Vlad Tepes: Somehow I am not surprised
Vlad Tepes: Nothing like that surprises me after I saw those doodles Fukidashi made of me

GAAAAAOOOOO: THEY WERE RATHER LIBERAL IN THE SIZE DEPARTMENT AND ALSO IN FLEXIBILITY
GAAAAAOOOOO: BUT KIDS STILL LEARNING AND ITS A HEALTHY OUTLET SO IM GIVING HIM A FREE PASS

Vlad Tepes: Ryou youre missing the point Fukidashi drew porn of me doesnt that weird you out

GAAAAAOOOOO: NOT REALLY????? I MEAN. OUR FIRST DATE.

Vlad Tepes: Stop bringing that up that was three years ago let me live

GAAAAAOOOOO: NEVER

Nyquil: woah wait wait wait stop the tape
Nyquil: that speech bubble kid drew porn of kan
Nyquil: please tell me you kept some

Vlad Tepes: Of course not

GAAAAAOOOOO: I COMMISSIONED SOME

Vlad Tepes: Babe I trusted you

high noon: hey aizawa pardner yall realize that nemuri never told thirteen directly right
high noon: hereto yall cant kill her

please let me sleep: damn
please let me sleep: okay cementoss lets pack it in

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: I was never really on board to begin with.

Principal Nedzu: Aizawa-san, please stop trying to kill Kayama-san!

please let me sleep: no promises

Principal Nedzu: Good enough, I suppose.

Nyquil: principal nedzu i wanna file a complaint

Principal Nedzu: Oh? What is it, Kayama-san?

Nyquil: i wanna fucking obliterate that rat bitch mineta kid

roadrolla da: Oh mood?

afternoonGourmand: big mood

Hello, Nurse!!!: That is definitely a mood right there.

please let me sleep: worm

God of Eurobeat: O H W O R M ? ? ?

GAAAAAOOOOO: BIG WORM

Nyquil: JMKICJNDKMRJNKEM
Nyquil: I KNOW IM OP BUT MOOD WORM

Principal Nedzu: As amusing as this all is, I cannot simply allow for harm to come to one of my students by their teachers!

Hello, Nurse!!!: Oh, you can't?

Principal Nedzu: ...
Principal Nedzu: Outside of class, that is.
Principal Nedzu: Furthermore, I find your usage of "rat" offensive, Kayama-san, as I am potentially a rat, so I would like you to use a different appellation for Mineta.

Nyquil: okay then
Nyquil: grape stain

roadrolla da: Nah, theres not enough heat behind that One.

Nyquil: hey who teaches contemporary hero art history here me or you

Twink Might: Kayama I have been meaning to ask.
Twink Might: What does your subject even entail?

God of Eurobeat: WE'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC!
God of Eurobeat: What brought this on, Nemuri??

Nyquil: piece of diaper garbage was drilling a peephole into the girls bathroom
Nyquil: so i knocked him tf out and hes tied up in an empty classroom
Nyquil: put him in a box too cause fuck it why not

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Wait.
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: You mean the box with the big hearts on it?

Nyquil: yeah
Nyquil: thirteen ol buddy ol pal ol chum what the fuck did you do

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Nothing. Certainly not throw the box into the dumpster.

Nyquil: thirteen i take back every twink theory i had about you

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Every what?

Principal Nedzu: I'll talk to you two later, but just remember, I can only step in if a teacher wishes their student bodily harm.

Nyquil: i see i see
Nyquil: yo shouta you wanna go dumpster diving with me and thirteen

please let me sleep: no

Nyquil: you can ship whatever you want to endys agency

please let me sleep: when do i start

please let me sleep: It is with no small amount of pleasure that I declare my first expulsion of the school year to be Mineta Minoru, former Hero Name being "Grape Juice".

Twink Might: Oh, thank god.

Nyquil: oh wow toshi you too

Twink Might: To be perfectly honest, I was starting to wonder just how exactly to do that myself.
Twink Might: I have seen villainous scum from the worst of the world's evil act exactly as he does, and I have always taken great pride in punching their lights out.

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: That was beautifully poetic, All Might.

Twink Might: No need for formalities, Ishiyama! Just Yagi is fine!

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: ...Right. Yagi.

roadrolla da:

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: You put those down right this instant young man.

roadrolla da: Anyways i hope you gave wine stain-diaper a good kicking

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: It was my pleasure.

slimefucker 9000: my hero. swoon.

Vlad Tepes: KAYAMA JOROGUMO NEMURI

Nyquil: oh shit
Nyquil: wait did you invent a middle name for me

Vlad Tepes: Beside the point!!
Vlad Tepes: Do you mind explaining to me WHY my class is in civil war with itself?!

Nyquil: ??? i didnt do shit

Vlad Tepes: Both Monoma and Fukidashi the ringleaders tell me that you masterminded this!

Nyquil: ohhh
Nyquil: yeah then i did do shit

Vlad Tepes: MIDNIGHT

Nyquil: put your anime titties to sleep boy
Nyquil: all i did was tell monoma that fukidashi preferred bara to biseinen

Vlad Tepes: THEYRE FIGHTING WITH SPEARS

Nyquil: yeah i dont know how that happened
Nyquil: give me five minutes let me finish this
Nyquil: @high noon

high noon: what

Nyquil: Omae wa mou ikudeiru
Nyquil: okay im gonna clean myself up and ill meet you by the windows

Vlad Tepes: And what do you think youre going to do

Nyquil: what i do best babe
Nyquil: put their asses to sleep

Vlad Tepes: I feel cheated somehow

Nyquil: thats a you problem

please let me sleep: hagakure told me that the paper i had found her holding she was just throwing away
please let me sleep: and also that shes a lesbian

Nyquil: eyy nice

please let me sleep: yeah
please let me sleep: but if thats the case then which of my students has a crush on me

Nyquil: it is a mystery

high noon: @Nyquil yall better get back here and finish the job

Nyquil: omw

Chapter Text

please let me sleep: alright so i figured it out

Nyquil: yo its five am what the fuck

please let me sleep: its midoriya isnt it
please let me sleep: the kid with the crush on me
please let me sleep: hes an otaku so logically hes the number one suspect

God of Eurobeat: Shouta I love you but you were wrong about it being Hagakure so what makes you think it's Midoriya?

please let me sleep: i just said hes number one suspect
please let me sleep: i also have iida todoroki and ashido as potential admirer suspects

Twink Might: Aizawa what. Is this.

please let me sleep: im going to sniff out the kid in class with a crush on me
please let me sleep: and then im going to quash this immediately

Nyquil: aizawa kids get crushes on their teachers and heroes all the time
Nyquil: theres this one second year whos trying to copy me thematically because i inspire them
Nyquil: think of it like a celebrity crush

please let me sleep: thats even worse because celebrity crushes defeat the purpose of an underground hero

God of Eurobeat: Nemuri, I don't think we're going to win this.

Nyquil: hey if you cum on my tits is that chestnut

high noon: im leaving

Nyquil: babe pls

high noon: no nemu im gon expose ya now
high noon: hey yall nemuri likes ta jack it ta pokemon

GAAAAAOOOOO: WHAT

Vlad Tepes: I knew this yet Im still surprised

Nyquil: james you traitor
Nyquil: its called hentai and its art

God of Eurobeat: Wait Sekijirou how did you know?

Vlad Tepes: What does this say I cant understand Japanese

slimefucker 9000: biweekly furry support group.

Vlad Tepes: There is no loyalty among any of you smh

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: How.
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: How do you know that, Ectoplasm?

slimefucker 9000: es tut mir leid, ich spreche nur deutsch.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Denken sie wieder, arschgeige.

slimefucker 9000: scheisse.

God of Eurobeat: Shouta: That's flattering of you, but I am a father of twenty.
God of Eurobeat: Me: Would you like to be a father of twenty-one?

afternoonGourmand: JDKMJNKMESMEDJRNDKMEN

please let me sleep: hizashi were going to physically fight in the middle of divorce court

Twink Might: Wait, who is the twentieth child?

God of Eurobeat: Shinsou Hitoshi.

Twink Might: ... Who?

God of Eurobeat: Yknow. Purple kid from the sports festival. He brainwashed your son and then Midoriya literally flipped him over his shoulder like a piece of paper.

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: Even I remember it, Yagi.

Twink Might: Oh right!! Now I remember!!!
Twink Might: Wait, when has Aizawa ever interacted with young Shinsou?

please let me sleep: ive been training him personally for the better part of a month
please let me sleep: if im gonna push for his transfer into heroics he needs to be adequate
please let me sleep: you know i dont like to waste my time

afternoonGourmand: yet you're dating mic

please let me sleep: shit youre right

God of Eurobeat: WOW!!! OKAY!!! I'M ATTACKED!!!

Hello, Nurse!!!: Mood.

roadrolla da: yo aizawa
roadrolla da: maybe shinsous the one with a crush on you

please let me sleep: god i hope not

server: Daddyzawa

Fuck Endeavor: I THINK AIZAWA'S ONTO US

Fuck My Dad: Shit.
Fuck My Dad: What gave us away.

better than mew: apparently midoriya forgot to burn ashidos note

Fuck Endeavor: I DON'T HAVE A FIRE OR ACID QUIRK AND I DON'T CARRY A LIGHTER I TRIED TO THROW IT INTO THE BURNABLE TRASH AND IT MISSED AND HIT HAGAKURE IN THE FACE AND HAGAKURE TRIED TO TAKE IT TO THE TRASH BUT AIZAWA INTERCEPTED HER AND NOW HE'S ONTO US I'M GOING TO DIE HE'S GOING TO EXPELL US

F*** Stain: Midoriya!!! Calm down!!!
F*** Stain: I do not think that Aizawa-sensei would be so callous as to dismiss your career over a juvenile crush!!!

better than mew: iida we all have "juvenile crushes" on aizawa
better than mew: so i think were kind of in trouble
better than mew: NOT the expulsion kind of trouble though

Alien Alien: yo shinsou been meanin to ask what does your hn mean

better than mew: im better than you but im also a cat
better than mew: nya

Alien Alien: thats fair

server: Teacher Squad

roadrolla da: yeah i just think itd be funny tho
roadrolla da: what if theres just this fucking. secret society devoted to a mutual crush on you

please let me sleep: i hope the fuck not
please let me sleep: i dont want kids crushing on me

roadrolla da: but you're dating mic, right?

please let me sleep: youre right hmmmmm

God of Eurobeat: BABE WHY

Chapter Text

Nyquil: hey yall remember stuart little

slimefucker 9000: i.
slimefucker 9000: no???

Nyquil: american thing bout a mouse living with humans
Nyquil: apparently the mom gave birth to the mouse

slimefucker 9000: what.

Nyquil: yea so it was just a mouse that walked and talked like a person

Principal Nedzu: Kayama-san, this better not lead where I think it's leading.

Nyquil: so anyways
Nyquil: damn

Hello, Nurse!!!: No, actually, I want to hear this.

Nyquil: thanks doc
Nyquil: so anyways
Nyquil: thats the secret to nedzus species

please let me sleep: im sickened yet intrigued
please let me sleep: did that mean that nedzus mom fucked a mouse

Nyquil: or a dog or whatever

GAAAAAOOOOO: BUT THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE GENETIC SENSE

Vlad Tepes: Babe you're a literal dog man I think furries can exist on that level too

Principal Nedzu: I am absolutely certain that both of my parents were animals!

Nyquil: yeah but
Nyquil: do you know

Principal Nedzu: Yes!!!!!!!!

afternoonGourmand: but what is the truth

Principal Nedzu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Nyquil: oh shit

Nyquil: okay so did nedzu like
Nyquil: kill you all

Hello, Nurse!!!: No, he just screamed until he passed out.

please let me sleep: unfortunately

God of Eurobeat: Mood

Twink Might: Aizawa, Yamada, are you two alright?

God of Eurobeat: Not really.

please let me sleep: what do you think

Twink Might: Do you. Wish for me to hold you. So that you may sleep?

please let me sleep: id like that

God of Eurobeat: That sounds nice but expect a lot of vibrating until the caffeine wears off.

Twink Might: I believe I can manage.

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: Ah. I see.

Nyquil: better luck next time buddy
Nyquil: id go over to where you are but like
Nyquil: inkos a cuddler

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
Stone-Cold Motherfucker: In a way, I'm used to it.

Twink Might: Hm? Used to what, Ishiyama?

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: OH my god
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: That's it! Ectoplasm, come with me!

slimefucker 9000: what? why me?

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: You Know Why!

slimefucker 9000: oh shit.
slimefucker 9000: okay give me. a second?

Twink Might: What is this about?

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: You stay there! Let Aizawa and Mic come to you or whatever, just stay there!
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: @high noon Snipe are you helping or not?

high noon: while normally id love to partake in this
high noon: miss inko is a mighty fine cuddler

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Fair enough.

Twink Might: What a beautiful day to have three beautiful boyfriends!!!
Twink Might: Ah, how do I do a heart?

God of Eurobeat: You mean like <3?

Twink Might: No, as in the symbol for heart!

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: ♥

Twink Might: Cute, but no! I mean the actual emoji?

God of Eurobeat: : heart:
God of Eurobeat: Without the space.

Twink Might: Thank you, Yamada-kun!
Twink Might: *Hizashi

God of Eurobeat: adsjakmenerkrnvfn /////////////////////

roadrolla da: wow you guys are cute as shit

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: Of course we are
Stone-Cold Motherfucker: Toshinori is just the cutest boyfriend, after all.

Twink Might: Oh, you flatter me so, Ken-kun!

high noon: yall woke up me and my misses

slimefucker 9000: then put your phone on silent.

afternoonGourmand: And so only me ectoplasm thirteen and power loader are single
afternoonGourmand: unless recovery girl wants in

Hello, Nurse!!!: As if I want in on your old maids' club!!!

afternoonGourmand: thats what I thought

Principal Nedzu: What about me?
Principal Nedzu: I do believe that I am single!

afternoonGourmand: yeah but youre also our boss
afternoonGourmand: and a literal animal
afternoonGourmand: and also probably stuart little

Principal Nedzu: NO!!!
Principal Nedzu: I am not Stuart Little!

afternoonGourmand: sounds like something stuart little would say

Nyquil: hey guys can you help me im trying to find stuart little porn

Twink Might: Not in this household you aren't.

Nyquil: luckily for you im at inkos apartment
Nyquil: anyways any help

high noon: is this how were really spendin the weekend
high noon: loungin round our girlfriends house and lookin up furry porn
high noon: that might not even exist mind ya

Nyquil: yes

high noon: well yall heard the lady any ideas

Nyquil: theres like zero fics on ao3 so like

Vlad Tepes: Did you try e621

Nyquil: no actually thanks for reminding me

GAAAAAOOOOO: BABE WHATS E621

Vlad Tepes: Japonlardan anlamıyorum, lütfen tekrar deneyin.

GAAAAAOOOOO: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW YOU CANT ACTUALLY SPEAK TURKISH

Vlad Tepes: Herkes bu seksi kurt ne söylediğini anlayan var mı?

Nyquil: yo jima

roadrolla da: what

Nyquil: im gonna text ya something

roadrolla da: oh boy

Stuart Little: I do apologize for my previous outbursts!
Stuart Little: WHO DID THS?!?!?!?!?!

Nyquil: wwwwwwwwwwwwwww

roadrolla da: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

God of Eurobeat: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

afternoonGourmand: wwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Stuart Little: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter Text

Nyquil: hey yall know jojo

please let me sleep: yes?

Nyquil: kars is a milf

please let me sleep: i mean
please let me sleep: i guess

Nyquil: hella

high noon: nemuri who is kars

Nyquil: imagine a vampire but jacked

high noon: i understand

GAAAAAOOOOO: AIZAWA

please let me sleep: yeah

GAAAAAOOOOO: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
GAAAAAOOOOO: AOYAMA YUUGA IS STALKING MIDORIYA

Nyquil: holy shit what

please let me sleep: ive been busy fucking ken
please let me sleep: what do you mean aoyamas stalking midoriya

Twink Might: Ah, yes! As it turns out Shouta has quite the high libido!
Twink Might: But this is quite shocking! Are you sure?

GAAAAAOOOOO: HE LEFT A CHEESE PLATTER ARRANGED INTO "I KNOW"

Twink Might: What! What does he know about!

GAAAAAOOOOO: DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW

Nyquil: toshi calm your giant anime titties
Nyquil: ill go ask him you just keep demolishing aizawas thrussy

Twink Might: Never say that again.

Nyquil: no promises

God of Eurobeat: Everybody say "Hey"!

afternoonGourmand: hey!

God of Eurobeat: Let's give a quick shoutout to Kobayashi Sachiko!
God of Eurobeat:

Nyquil:

Twink Might:

slimefucker 9000:

roadrolla da: doesnt she have a Vocaloid?

God of Eurobeat: Hell yeah!
God of Eurobeat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv3ITy00lCQ

slimefucker 9000: nice.

server: Daddyzawa

Fuck Endeavor: I THINK AOYAMA'S ONTO US

Fuck My Dad: This is happening a lot isn't it.

Alien Alien: we didnt even have any notes this time
Alien Alien: what gave it away now

better than mew: who's aoyama again

Fuck Endeavor: You brainwashed him once

better than mew: midoriya i brainwash a lot of people
better than mew: be more specific

Fuck Endeavor: Remember when you met Kacchan precisely once and he started swearing about that "fake French bitch"

better than mew: is that the kid that shoved cheese into your mouth

Fuck Endeavor: Yeah!!!

better than mew: hes kinda pretty

Alien Alien: youre fuckin kiddin me

server: Teacher Squad

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: All I'm saying is, it sounds like Aoyama just has low self-esteem and he desires companionship.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Hey, not to interrupt anything, but there's a raccoon in my fucking bedroom.

Hello Nurse!!!: Is it. Doing anything?

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Not really? It's kind of just. Sitting there.

Hello Nurse!!!: You both better be vaccinated.

slimefucker 9000: why is there a fucking raccoon in your bedroom.

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Do I look like a rodentologist?
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: James, I can see you typing.

high noon: aw shucks

Nyquil: so apparently aoyama just wanted to be friends with midoriya

Twink Might: Awww! How adorable!

Nyquil: dont really get the appeal of standing outside a fucking window and leaving cryptic messages written in cheese
Nyquil: but hey whatever fires your lasers

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: So, update on the raccoon.
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Her name is Mami.

please let me sleep: mami

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Mami.

Vlad Tepes: Sorry for not responding all day there are like literal snakes in my house

GAAAAAOOOOO: BABE WHAT

Vlad Tepes: There are actual goddamn snakes in my house and Im trying to get them out

Nyquil: why not ask that kouda kid

Vlad Tepes: Is his Quirk getting fucking snakes out of my house

God of Eurobeat: Yeah.

Vlad Tepes: Oh shit
Vlad Tepes: Send him down

God of Eurobeat: You got it.

God of Eurobeat: Hey let's give a quick shoutout to Diana Ross!
God of Eurobeat:

Twink Might:

slimefucker 9000:

Stuart Little:

roadrolla da: you havent changed your name back?

Stuart Little: I feel as though Kayama-san will change it back before the hour is over.
Stuart Little: So I'm letting it stay.
Stuart Little: For now.

Nyquil: sick

Chapter Text

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Kayama, I've been meaning to ask.

Nyquil: then ask

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Why "Nyquil"?

Nyquil: you ever listen to nicki minaj

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: I understand.

GAAAAAOOOOO: I DONT

Hello, Nurse!!!: "Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me Nyquil"
Hello, Nurse!!!: Is that it?

Nyquil: hell yeah recovery girl!!!!!!
Nyquil: im comin down there to high five you

please let me sleep: kayama youre teaching a class right now
please let me sleep: why are you even on your phone

Nyquil: i dont tell you how to live your life
Nyquil: take over for me

please let me sleep: but i dont know anything about this subject

Nyquil: tough kitty litter bitch
Nyquil: recovery girl im on my way

Hello, Nurse!!!: Nice.

Twink Might: Are wa dare da

God of Eurobeat: Dare da, dare da.

high noon: are wa devil

slimefucker 9000: devilman, devilman!

Nyquil: uragiri mono no na o ukete

Hello, Nurse!!!: Subete o sutete, tatakau otoko!

roadrolla da: Devil Halo wa choopa, Devil Ear wa jigoku mimi

afternoonGourmand: devil wing wa sora o tobi, devil beam wa tetsu kouse

Vlad Tepes: AAAAAAkuma no chikaraaaaaa mi niii tsuuuketaaaa

GAAAAAOOOOO: SEIGI NOOOOOO HEEEEEROOOOO DEVILMAAAN DEVILMAAAAAAAAAAN

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Hajimete shitta, hito no ai.

Stuart Little: Sono yasashisa ni mezameta otoko.

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: DEVIL CHOP wa PUNCH ryoku, DEVIL KICK wa hakai ryoku.

slimefucker 9000: devil eye nara toshi ryoku, devil cutter wa iwa kudaku.

Nyquil: akuma no chikara mi ni tsuketa

Twink Might: Seigi no HERO, DEVILMAN, DEVILMAAAAN!!!!!!

Hello, Nurse!!!: Are wa dare da, dare da, dare da

Vlad Tepes: Are wa Devil, Devilman

God of Eurobeat: Devilmaaaaaaaan!!!!!!

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: Uragiri mono no na o ukete

high noon: subete o subete tatakau otoko

Stuart Little: DEVIL HALO wa choopa.

GAAAAAOOOOO: DEVIL EAR WA JIGOKU MIMI

afternoonGourmand: Devil Wing wa sora o tobi

roadrolla da: devil Beam wa tetsu kouse

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Akuma no chikara mi ni tsuketa

slimefucker 9000: seigi no, hero!!!

God of Eurobeat: DEVILMAN!!!!

Twink Might: DEVILMAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please let me sleep: how the fukc do you all know the devilman theme song

slimefucker 9000: and you dont? weak.

please let me sleep: i do
please let me sleep: i was just busy eating my goddamn lunch

high noon: yo mic whats your name from

Hello, Nurse!!!: Pop Team Epic.

God of Eurobeat: HELL YEAH!!!
God of Eurobeat: Shuuzenji I'm coming down there to high-five you right now!

Vlad Tepes: Oh no you dont!
Vlad Tepes: Youre teaching a class!!

God of Eurobeat: Like that's stopped Kayama.

Vlad Tepes: You and I both know nothing stops Kayama

Nyquil: wild

Nyquil: hey ryou do you go into heat
Nyquil: asking for a friend
Nyquil: the friend is myself

GAAAAAOOOOO: IM NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION AGAIN

Nyquil: again
Nyquil: ive never brought it up

Vlad Tepes: He means with me

Nyquil: oh shit
Nyquil: well then cmon whats the juice

Vlad Tepes: The juice?????

Nyquil: you know
Nyquil: the juice
Nyquil: the sauce
Nyquil: the milk

Vlad Tepes: Please stop

Nyquil: the syrup
Nyquil: the soup
Nyquil: the ade

Twink Might: The ade????

Nyquil: the soda
Nyquil: the wine
Nyquil: the jizz

GAAAAAOOOOO: IM STOPPING YOU IMMEDIATELY
GAAAAAOOOOO: YES I DO GO INTO HEAT
GAAAAAOOOOO: ITS VERY EMBARRASSING AND IM NOT PROUD OF IT
GAAAAAOOOOO: SO NEVER ASK AGAIN

Nyquil: i dont have to ask now
Nyquil: i have it screenshotted

GAAAAAOOOOO: WHAT THE FUCK

Nyquil: you dont mind if i use this in a fic do you

GAAAAAOOOOO: DO I HAVE A CHOICE

Nyquil: not really
Nyquil: dont worry its a fic where youre fucking both gang orca and selkie

GAAAAAOOOOO: OH SHIT GO AHEAD

high noon: holy goddamn

afternoonGourmand: Snipe whats your name from

high noon: overwatch

Hello, Nurse!!!: Oh, I don't think I've played that.
Hello, Nurse!!!: Would you mind showing me how it works?

high noon: id be much obliged, maam

Hello, Nurse!!!: Oh, you're so kind!

high noon: may i finish this class first though

Hello, Nurse!!!: Certainly! You're much better behaved than your girlfriend!

Nyquil: hey
Nyquil: you right

DIRECT MESSAGES
dan midna ur bobbie s

Jesse James 2: nemuri yaint gonna believe this

dan midna ur bobbie s: holy shit you actually do say yaint

Jesse James 2: taint important right now
Jesse James 2: that shinsou kid dropped a note
Jesse James 2: "Aizawa Fanclub Meeting @ 3:50 PM"
Jesse James 2: "School Music Room"
Jesse James 2: "Destroy After Reading"

dan midna ur bobbie s: what the fuck
dan midna ur bobbie s: its a whole fucking society

Jesse James 2: dont that just beat all
Jesse James 2: anyways yall know what we gotta do

dan midna ur bobbie s: double team inko with sexy vampire cosplays

Jesse James 2: no
Jesse James 2: maybe
Jesse James 2: lets get back to that
Jesse James 2: we gon spy on these teenagers while they talk about how much they wanna fuck a guy twice their age

dan midna ur bobbie s: just like in medical school

Jesse James 2: yallre a doctor

dan midna ur bobbie s: pfft no

Server: Teacher Squad

please let me sleep: why the hell are you two texting
please let me sleep: you both are two feet away from each other

high noon: taint nothin but a couples thing

Nyquil: you wouldnt understand

please let me sleep: i dont want to understand anymore
please let me sleep: just pay attention

Nyquil: oh we will

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Cryptic! I like it!
Xx_Apollo1970_xX: Anyways, pay attention to my latest scheme in getting Endeavor to regret everything he's ever done.

Nyquil: oh fuck
Nyquil: fire away

Chapter Text

GAAAAAOOOOO: FELLAS

Nyquil: yeah

GAAAAAOOOOO: AND LADIES

Hello, Nurse!!!: That's better.

GAAAAAOOOOO: IS IT GAY TO SEND YOUR BOYFRIEND A MESSAGE COMPLAINING HOW HOT AND SWEATY YOU ARE FROM THE HEAT AND THEN SEND HIM A VIDEO OF YOU SHIRTLESS ON A BED DEEPTHROATING A POPSICLE WITHOUT BREAKING EYE CONTACT

Hello, Nurse!!!: Nevermind, I don't want to be a part of this.

Nyquil: i do

God of Eurobeat:

please let me sleep: please dont make emojis out of my students
please let me sleep: also yes it is

GAAAAAOOOOO: GOOD IM GOING TO SEND IT THEN

Vlad Tepes: Hold on what are you sending me
Vlad Tepes: Oh
Vlad Tepes: Ryou, get over here. I've been thinking that you need a little... Discipline.

GAAAAAOOOOO: HOT IM ON MY WAY

Hello, Nurse!!!: I hate this.

please let me sleep: we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great man
please let me sleep: the thottiest twunk ive ever known
please let me sleep: my fucking boyfriend yamada hizashi

Nyquil: nooooooooo he was so young it should have been me

high noon: darlin

Nyquil: it should have been endeavor

high noon: better

Twink Might: I am sorry but I am now here and I am very confused???
Twink Might: Hizashi is right here with me?

God of Eurobeat: Babe, are you having my funeral???
God of Eurobeat: Without Tensei?!

Twink Might: What.

IngeniumD is online.

IngeniumD: No! Mic! He was so old and had such a flat ass!

God of Eurobeat: I already regret bringing you to my funeral.

Stuart Little: Yamada-san, why... Why did you invite Iida-san? He isn't a teacher in UA.

IngeniumD: Consider me a member of the PTA then.
IngeniumD: Anyways, can the ethicality of this wait? We're mourning the loss of my high school sweetheart.

Nyquil: what
Nyquil: you two were never dating

IngeniumD: In my heart we were!
IngeniumD: But now he's dead and he'll never know these feelings!

slimefucker 9000: oh wait, did someone die?
slimefucker 9000: can we hire iida tensei as the replacement then?

IngeniumD: Oh, that'd be nice. Okay, sure, I accept.

God of Eurobeat: NOW HOLD ON YOU CAN'T JUST STEAL MY JOB!

IngeniumD: Did you all hear something...?

please let me sleep: nothing here

Nyquil: mustve been the wind

afternoonGourmand: i also didn't hear anything

God of Eurobeat: :((((

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: I can't believe I missed my own boyfriend's funeral. He will be missed.

God of Eurobeat: BABE PLEASE

roadrolla da: hey aizawa did you ever figure out whos crushing on you

please let me sleep: god i hoped to forget about that fiasco
please let me sleep: unfortunately kayama and snipe told me

roadrolla da: oh????

Nyquil: it was midoriya iida todoroki shinsou and ashido
Nyquil: so basically
Nyquil: all of zawas guesses were correct

please let me sleep: kill me

Nyquil: no

please let me sleep: damn foiled again

roadrolla da: thats it??? no grand confrontation????

Nyquil: what do we look like
Nyquil: a fuckin military squadron

Xx_Apollo1970_xX: I mean, technically we're on a government payroll... '_';;

high noon: anyhow we just moseyed on up in there and just told em that there really aint nothin we can do bout havin crushes
high noon: but havin whole meetins bout it is kinda

please let me sleep: in the end these mediocre dunces just let them keep their fanclub and now i die every time i answer one of midoriyas questions

afternoonGourmand: m
afternoonGourmand: mediocre dunces

please let me sleep: shit

Lubch A'byss Dipression Rush Way: owo????

Twink Might: I never thought I would live to see a day like this...
Twink Might: My immortal enemy... Returned from the grave...

Lubch A'byss Dipression Rush Way: what

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: I'm currently snuggled against him. He's shaking with fury.
Stone-Cold Motherfucker: I think you might be dead, Lunch Rush.

Lubch A'byss Dipression Rush Way: zero regrets

please let me sleep: eri gave me a drawing of me and my boyfriends and said
please let me sleep: i think you guys are great papas

Twink Might: I think I may cry... I am so happy to be Eri's father...

God of Eurobeat: THAT'S SO PRECIOUS

Stone-Cold Motherfucker: I. I see. Where is this picture now?

please let me sleep: where else
please let me sleep: the dormitory refrigerator
please let me sleep: that way everyone can see it

Nyquil: holy shit you guys are adorable

IngeniumD: Wait, what??? You guys have a kid???? Who's Eri????

Nyquil: their fucking daughter keep up

Chapter Text

Nyquil: wait seki what the fuck do you guys do for valentines day

Vlad Tepes: I buy Ryou dog chocolate

GAAAAAOOOOO: BABE NO YOU DO NOT

IngeniumD: Damn, didn't know Blood King was a black widow.

Stuart Little: Why are you still here.

GAAAAAOOOOO: HES NOT TRYING TO KILL ME
GAAAAAOOOOO: I CAN EAT CHOCOLATE JUST FINE

Vlad Tepes: Babe I don't think "the chocolate sweats" are a thing unless you're violently allergic

GAAAAAOOOOO: SOMETIMES WE DIE FOR ART

Lubch A'byss Dipression Rush Way: mood

Nyquil: hey guys is there spy fox porn

please let me sleep: god i hope you die

Nyquil: there is

please let me sleep: i'm going to actually kill you

Nyquil: as if you will you love me too much

please let me sleep: debatable

God of Eurobeat: Yeah!!! Shouta loves me!!!

please let me sleep: debatable

God of Eurobeat: :(

Nyquil: aizawa voice: SILENCE BOTTOM

God of Eurobeat: kajsdhsjkhjdsj
God of Eurobeat: I'M A TOP!!!

please let me sleep: hizashi

God of Eurobeat: I'm vers.

please let me sleep: hizashi

God of Eurobeat: Babe, please,

Twink Might: What is a top?

Nyquil: you are a top

Twink Might: I am?

Vlad Tepes: I really don't wanna hear. Any of this

Nyquil: put your phone on silent then

twinknight: so anyways check it out this is my new steven universe crystal gem cosplay

Twink Might: Oh my god, Kayama-san.

Present Twink: OH YEAH!!!!

please let me sleep: are you guys done

twinknight: fucking join us zawa

Erasertwink: fuck you

Twinkgenium: I love this. You all really live like this?

Twink 13: Unfortunately.

GAAAAAOOOOO: SO DID YOU EVER FIND THAT STUART LITTLE PORN

twinknight: no

GAAAAAOOOOO: *SPY FOX

twinknight: oh
twinknight: you fucking bet i did

slimefucker 9000: what the fuck is spy fox.

twinknight: 

slimefucker 9000: understandable. die.