Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Keith woke up with lanky limbs wrapped around him he sighed, scooting himself in closer to get away from the cold outside of the sheets as he pressed his face into his boyfriend’s chest. He tried to go back to sleep without any success, and after thirty minutes of enjoying the warmth with his eyes closed his alarm went off. Lance whined next to him, clinging tighter as he was roused from sleep, but Keith still squirmed from his mess of limbs and slid out from under the covers.

He washed his face, watching Lance in the reflection of the mirror when he wandered in half asleep to turn the shower on. After brushing his teeth, Keith left the bathroom to wander into the living room and make himself a bowl of cereal. He poured milk first, and then the cereal, and ate in silence until Lance came downstairs with his hair wet, music blasting from the speaker of his phone as he rummaged through the refrigerator.

“Do you want actual breakfast, Keith?” He asked, pulling out a carton of eggs. Keith grunted and shook his head, staring down into his bowl of cereal. Lance bristled, but said nothing, beginning to make himself breakfast as Keith rinsed his bowl and placed it in the dishwasher. Keith rifled through the various papers on the table - bills, sheet music, newspapers, concert programs - until he found the paper he’d printed out two days previous and went to shove it into his backpack. “No waiting for me today?”

Keith didn’t bother to look back at Lance, just hummed and shook his head.

Lance was silent for a moment. “Okay. See you later.”

Keith threw his backpack over his shoulder and exited.

He took the underground to school, head down and headphones in as he waited until he got to his stop.

His first destination was to get coffee; he got a large black coffee and then wandered into his first class, trying not to fall asleep as he sat in the front row and listened to his professor’s lecturing. The rest of the day went on similarly, with Keith getting more and more coffee into his system and trying not to fall asleep desperately.

His phone rang multiple times when he blatantly ignored Lance’s texts, but that still didn’t make him answer them. He knew he should.

He didn’t have the mental capacity to.

Once his last class was over he got on the subway again, to go to his next destination.

Dinner with Shiro was uneventful. Shiro’s job was pretty boring and repetitive; he’d stated that he hadn’t had much time to go and do anything fun recently. Keith hadn’t either, and so every time Shiro would attempt to pry he would shrug and say any combination of “just school” or “I have an exam soon” or “good”.

Lance kept calling Keith, probably because Keith hadn’t answered him all day, but Lance knew he was having dinner with Shiro today so when he called for the third time Keith silenced it and turned it over.

“If you’re busy we could have rain checked…” Shiro offered. Keith wasn’t entirely sure if a rain check would’ve even mattered.

“No, it’s okay. I needed to get away from everything for a bit.”

It ended without fanfare. Keith almost asked if he could spend the night with Shiro, because he knew Lance was going to kick his ass when he got back to their apartment but decided against it. That would entail him explaining that things were wrong (which they weren’t, Keith was just on the verge of an unwarranted mental breakdown) and he didn’t want to get into it.

Lance was never off work by the time Keith came home, and Keith reveled in the silence while he had it, climbing into the shower and standing there for way longer than necessary.

He tried to focus on getting some homework done, but after quite literally staring at a blank screen for an hour he gave up and put his laptop away, curling up with his phone under the covers and scrolling through his phone. He could hear Lance come through the front door, and he locked his phone and put it on the nightstand so he could pretend to be asleep.

He could hear Lance sigh as he stepped into their bedroom, could hear him rustling around for about ten minutes, and then heard him exit. It took him another hour to fall asleep.

He woke up to the sound of Lance in the shower, the music on his phone playing songs in Spanish that Keith only understood a few words of until the English bridge came. Keith rolled out of bed and rubbed his eyes as he rummaged through the drawers for a pair of pants and a t-shirt, pulling his coat over his shoulders and shuffling to the front door. He wiggled his feet into his boots and grabbed his backpack, and then he was out the door.

He made his way to the subway, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for his train, glancing back at the staircase down in anxiety as he shifted in his boots. For a moment he thought he’d gotten away with it, as the train pulled up and doors slid open, but then Lance came bolting down the stairs and followed him into the same car. Keith tried to get away, squeezing between people desperately in an attempt to avoid confrontation, but Lance trailed after him until he was cornered.

“I really don’t want to have this conversation here but if we don’t you’re going to keep avoiding me.” Lance was trying to be discreet by talking into Keith’s ear but it just made Keith feel more pressured and made him feel worse.

“I won’t-” His voice broke and he turned his face away, squeezing his eyes shut and not continuing because he knew it was a lie. Even if he didn’t physically avoid Lance he’d still avoid the conversation.

“We talked about this.” Keith wondered if it would be easier if Lance sounded mad - he just sounded hurt. “I get it if you need breathing room. I get it, but tell me when you do so I don’t freak out. There doesn’t need to be any words even, you just send the emoji, remember?” He gripped Keith’s wrist and Keith flinched back out of reflex, swatting Lance’s hand away.

“I know the rules, Lance.”

“Then fucking follow them!” Lance shouted, and then squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his hands to his temples. Keith stared at him in silence, grasping tight to his apathy in defense. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Lance moved his hands from his temples to his eyes.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I know you have a rough go of it sometimes. Can we just… please try to communicate better?” Lance sniffled. Keith sighed and rubbed Lance’s shoulders, trying to comfort him even though he knew the problem wasn’t communicating better, it was himself communicating in general.

“Yeah. I’m sorry… for yesterday.” He was , somewhere under the walls he’d put up to keep himself from crying in public. Lance didn’t seem to have an issue with the people staring at them in concern and confusion.

“It’s okay. I just got scared.” Lance breathed as Keith pulled his hands away from his eyes, not flinching this time when Lance took his wrists in his hands. Lance’s eyes were red and puffy, tears making his deep blue eyes swim. Keith almost cried, but he didn’t.

When he got to school he still didn’t feel great. Lance kissed him on a cheek and then they parted so Lance could transfer lines, and Keith made his way up to the streets so that he could get his coffee before class. His phone buzzed when he sat down in his typical seat in front; a heart emoji from Lance.

Keith replied this time.

Class continued the same; with Keith trying and failing not to fall asleep. He should have been paying attention, considering he was trying to get into the nursing program, but honestly, he couldn’t be assed. He was physically and emotionally exhausted.

Lance got off work early that day, so when he hopped onto the subway home Lance was already waiting for him. Keith sat down beside him, resting his head on Lance’s bony shoulder and shutting his eyes. Lance rubbed his thigh in an attempt to comfort him, burying his face into Keith’s hair.

When they got home Keith hopped in the shower, spending way too much time standing under the spray. By the time he got out the Chinese takeout they always got on their mutual days off was already there, and Keith plopped onto the couch next to Lance and accepted the box of beef and broccoli he was offered, digging in with his chopsticks.

They were just watching Bob’s Burgers but somewhere in the middle Keith found himself crying into his fried rice anyways for seemingly no reason. Lance let out a perplexed laugh and took the box from him when his hiccups made him almost drop his food, and gathered Keith into his lap.

It really only made Keith cry harder, but it made it easier to fall asleep afterward.

When Keith woke up the next morning he was burrowed under the covers and tucked against Lance’s chest. He moved to get out, but Lance’s limbs were wrapped around him like an octopus and he didn’t let go. He tried to pry Lance’s arms from around him but Lance only tightened his grip, burying his face into Keith’s neck and pressing light kisses to his exposed shoulder. Keith thought about giving in to it, but then his alarm went off. Lance whined and reached after him as Keith finally got out of bed to go to the bathroom.

He washed his face and brushed his teeth, glancing back at Lance when he moved into the bathroom to turn the shower on. He wandered into the kitchen, pouring milk into his bowl first and then pouring in cereal.

Lance wandered in and made himself cereal as well, propping his feet on Keith’s lap. Once both of their bowls were in the sink Keith slipped into his shoes, waiting for Lance to grab his violin case and backpack.

“Ready?”

Keith nodded, letting Lance take his hand as they both stepped out the door. They made their way to the underground and got onto the subway. Lance talked animatedly, clinging to Keith’s arm as Keith clung to the free pole of the car. Once it was Keith’s stop they parted, Lance clinging to Keith’s hand stubbornly until Keith snapped in embarrassment, grumping that he had to get coffee before class. Lance pouted but let Keith wiggle his hand free, waving over his shoulder as he went to transfer lines.

Keith ordered his coffee and then wandered into class, only feeling slightly more awake than usual. He did fall asleep in his last class, but thankfully the girl next to him woke him up when the class was over.

On his way home he stopped by Lance’s job at the cafe, waving hello to Pidge before going up to the counter. Lance immediately slid up to the register, cheeks flushed as he greeted Keith. Keith smiled and ordered a black coffee. Lance grabbed a to-go cup and poured it, handing it to him without ringing him up.

Keith narrowed his eyes at him but Lance just smiled back and said he’d see Keith at home.

When Keith got home he climbed in the shower, stayed under the spray for way longer than necessary, and then started on his homework. He fell asleep in the middle of writing an essay, only stirring when he felt the warmth of his computer leave his lap.

“Get under the covers.” Lance brushed his bangs aside and kissed his forehead. Keith looked up at Lance with sleep-blurred eyes, squirming to get the blanket from under him and letting his eyes slip closed as Lance tucked him in. “Love you,” Lance whispered.

Keith fell asleep before he could respond.

Chapter Text

When Lance woke up it was to Keith squirming out of Lance’s gangly arms, Keith’s alarm blaring in his ears. He groaned in annoyance, clinging to Keith tighter out of protest, but in the end, the sound of the alarm won out and Lance released him so Keith could turn it off. Still, Lance was reluctant to get out of bed, so he stayed curled up under the covers until Keith was out of the shower. He briefly contemplated tugging the towel from around his boyfriend’s waist as he stepped into the bathroom, just to be annoying, but decided to go straight to the shower instead.

Keith always judged him for bringing his phone into the shower, but Lance liked listening to music and wanted to be able to skip , so Lance never heeded his warnings about getting his iPhone wet. The shower woke him easily enough, and after doing his cosmetic routine and brushing his teeth he was strolling into the kitchen. Keith seemed purposely quiet today, rather than his normal morning moodiness.

“Do you want actual breakfast today, Keith?” He wasn’t sure if he was jabbing or prying - maybe a little bit of both. Keith just grunted and Lance took note of Keith’s true millennial nonverbal colloquialism, putting more eggs and bacon than necessary for himself anyways in case Keith changed his mind. But Keith was quick to wash his dishes and begin to pack up his things. Lance tried not to feel offended; sometimes Keith just needed space, sometimes Lance couldn’t make himself not take it personally. “No waiting for me today?” He attempted at gentle prying this time. Keith didn’t bother looking at him, making no eye contact as he hummed and shook his head.

Lance debated on even responding but knew being quiet out of spite just didn’t work in this situation. “Okay. See you later.” He would text Keith later to see if he was feeling any better - to see if he would need to bring home Keith’s favorite candy and soda and set up a movie night of Lilo & Stitch .

Breakfast was lonely without Keith, and even YouTube videos couldn’t seem to fill the void. He ended up turning his phone off and started to pack up all of his things, grabbing his backpack full of sheet music and his violin case and making his way to the underground. It was incredibly busy but it always was.

There was nothing Lance wanted to avoid more than his government class, which was his first class of the day, so instead of getting on the tube he cracked open his violin case.

He made forty dollars and then had to go to his music history course, where his professor talked more about his experiences touring with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra than he did about the life of Mozart (which everyone in the classroom knew anyway , because what music major didn’t). Anyways, they were supposed to be talking about the classical period of music and they weren’t. Lance pulled out his phone and texted Keith.

He attempted at casual at first, but two whole other classes of Keith not answering any of his texts - not even to text an eyeroll emoji - and Lance started to get a little bit worried. If Keith still needed space they’d established that he could send Lance a cactus emoji; “I’m still prickly don’t bother me.” After Lance having a complete freak-out last year and calling campus police (it was Hunk’s suggestion, his anxiety had fueled Lance’s, okay?) when Keith had disappeared a full 24 hours they’d had to establish what an appropriate amount of space was.

Realistically, Lance knew that Keith was probably just having a rough day, but he was still paranoid that something had happened to him or maybe that Keith had made something happen to himself. And Lance was back on the rollercoaster all over again.

Hunk confirmed that he’d seen Keith wandering around campus, looking absolutely dead inside but still functioning, and Lance was only relieved for a little bit before he just got mad . Worried mad. The kind his mom got when he stayed out past curfew when he still lived at home.

He called Keith while at work. Once to yell at him for not answering his texts, once to ask if he was still meeting Shiro for dinner in an attempt at saving face after his first voicemail. Another time to passive-aggressively mention shit that didn’t need to be dragged up, and then once more to apologize and ask if Keith wanted to have a movie night. His coworker was frustrated about his suspicious amount of bathroom breaks so Lance stopped calling after that. Pidge wandered over to pester him for a little bit at the register, her older brother ordering another coffee while looking particularly withered, but soon enough they were on their way and leaving Lance alone with his thoughts again.

Once he got home he immediately went to the bedroom to argue with Keith, but the lights were off and Keith was buried under the covers, probably so Lance couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not (Lance hated when he did that). Still, Lance took off his shoes and rummaged around for pajamas, taking his time because the day had been long and really all he wanted was to climb into bed, too. But he still had homework, so after changing and washing his face he went back to the living room to study. He decided to give Keith space and sleep on the couch. It was a rough night of sleep.

He woke up because his neck was in a lot of pain from scrunching up his body so he’d fit on the couch. Lance groaned, a little bit peeved, and went to get into the shower because he was pretty sure he couldn’t fall back asleep in his state. He didn’t care about waking Keith up because his sleep did nothing to cure his irritation and he was just a little bit petty, letting his music blast.

When he got out of the shower Keith was already gone. Lance groaned, quickly brushing his teeth, getting dressed, and gathering up all of his things before rushing out the door, having to go back twice; once for his keys and the other for his violin.

He basically ran to the underground, spotting Keith glancing back at the stairs and clenching the handle on his violin tighter when Keith actually ran onto the subway train. Lance followed him, squeezing between bodies and cursing the fact that Keith was just enough smaller that it was easier for him to get away. Still, Keith couldn’t go anywhere at the end of the car, and Lance felt like a heated mother whispering into his ear;

“I really don’t want to have this conversation here but if we don’t you’re going to keep avoiding me.”

“I won’t-” Keith’s voice broke, and Lance realized belatedly that chasing after Keith like a cheetah hunting a gazelle while Keith was having anxiety issues wasn’t his smartest decision in the books. But that’s why he was a music major and not something else, he dismissed, because he wasn’t smart.

Just trying to dismiss it made Lance feel guilty. Keith couldn’t even look at him, for Christ’s sake.

“We talked about this.” They had, multiple times. Lance just wanted to help and sometimes Keith wouldn’t let him. Sometimes Keith didn’t know how to let him help. “I get it if you need breathing room. I get it, but tell me when you do so I don’t freak out. There doesn’t need to be any words even, you just send the emoji, remember?” He aimed for Keith’s hand but got his wrist, and Keith flinched back out of reflex, swatting Lance away. Don’t take it personally. Don’t take it personally. He reminded himself.

“I know the rules, Lance.” Keith snapped at him, and okay he couldn’t keep his feelings out of it. He knew Keith was hurting but so was he .

“Then fucking follow them!” The moment Keith’s expressions turned off Lance knew he fucked up by yelling at him. He just felt so guilty about not being able to do anything all of the time. He hated feeling useless and unhelpful, he hated not understanding Keith fully, he hated that sometimes Keith didn’t even let him try to understand. But that wouldn’t get solved by yelling. Lance pressed the heels of his palms to his temples and forced himself to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He could feel the tears building up fast, which was dumb because this was about Keith’s problems, not his.

“It’s okay.” And there Keith went, using that soft, tender voice he used when Lance was wearing himself too thin.

“No, it’s not. I know you have a rough go of it sometimes. Can we just… please try to communicate better?” Sure, Keith needed to just… communicate period , but Lance needed to learn how to communicate without completely losing his top first. Keith rubbed his shoulders, looking just a little bit pitiful. Lance was sure he looked very pitiful, all teary-eyed and snotty.

“Yeah. I’m sorry… for yesterday.” Keith sounded pretty numb, but Lance knew that usually happened when Keith was trying not to break, and Keith’s least favorite place to have a breakdown was in public.

“It’s okay. I just got scared.” He admitted as Keith removed Lance’s hands from his eyes, and didn’t flinch when Lance took his wrists in his hands. It was deliberate this time, so he could look down at the scars on Keith’s wrists from times that were worse and things were more messed up. The only relief was that there weren’t any new ones.

The rest of the ride was spent with Keith gripping the free pole, Lance’s head in his neck to hide his distress. Lance wasn’t entirely sure if that was really classified as them talking it out, but things felt better between them at least. Good enough for Lance to kiss Keith’s cheek before they split ways and good enough for Keith’s cheeks to redden.

Lance went straight to campus this time - he had his private lesson first thing in the morning and his violin teacher was Austrian and very grumpy whenever he was late. “ You’re wasting your own time, not mine.” She would say every time he would show up late with an iced coffee on days where he decided to get coffee and walk with Keith.

But she was pleased at his punctual arrival. Scales, chords, arpeggios, repertoire. Discussion about recitals, concerts, and new pieces to learn, and then that was that. As he emerged from his lesson feeling emotionally drained he pulled his phone out and texted Keith. He didn’t feel like words, but wanted Keith to knew he was thinking about him so he texted a heart emoji.

Keith replied back this time.

Lance felt just a little awful all day, between having a horrible night’s sleep and the emotional trainwreck that was him and Keith’s relationship drama on the subway. After his classes he went to work, his mood brightened by Pidge’s brother remembering his name. Still, he was absolutely exhausted so when he got sent home early he didn’t object in any way, shape, or form. Lance made himself a coffee and texted Keith that he’d wait for him on the subway, grabbing his things and making his way to the station.

He pulled out his violin and began to play to kill time - a collection of Disney covers he’d learned out of boredom that earned him thirty dollars over the time he spent there waiting for Keith. Once he realized the time he packed up and got on the train, taking the first seat he saw available. When Keith got onto the subway he looked dead tired, and sat next to Lance without a word, resting his head on Lance’s shoulder. Lance buried his face into Keith’s hair and breathed him in.

As soon as they got home Keith went to the bathroom to shower so Lance decided to order them dinner. He pulled out his sheet music and turned on the television, settling down on the couch and writing down the fingering patterns for a new piece he was learning (Mazurka in A Minor, Op. 67 No. 4 by Chopin). He was at it for a while, so long that the Chinese take-out came, yet Keith was still in the shower. Lance decided to give him time, but was definitely hungry so he set everything down so he could dig into the eggrolls. He turned on the TV with every intention of turning on Lilo and Stitch , even though he didn’t have Keith’s favorite candy, but got wrapped up into an episode of Bob’s Burgers because well…

Keith finally emerged from the shower and Lance handed him his food, watching him out of the corner of his eye. Keith looked like he was feeling okay, or at least better, until he just started crying in the middle of Linda’s Thanksgiving song of all things, which sort of made Lance snort even though he felt bad about it. But then Keith really started sobbing and most of Lance’s amusement was pushed away by concern. He took the food from Keith’s hands and set it aside so he could hold Keith in his lap, letting him cry into his shirt until he fell asleep and Lance had to carry him to bed.

Lance cleaned up for a bit, since he wasn’t really tired, went back to putting the finger patterns onto his sheet music, and then once he was about to fall asleep with his violin in his hands he finally got into bed. Keith seemed to sense him because he turned to face him and reached out to him. Lance complied, letting Keith hold him until he fell asleep.

When Lance woke up it was to Keith attempting to squirm out of his grip. Lance held on stubbornly, reluctant to let Keith go now that all the tension from the last few days was finally over. To add some incentive to stay in bed Lance began to kiss his shoulder, then his neck… and then Keith’s alarm went off and any convincing he’d done was unraveled. Keith squirmed out from under the covers, leaving Lance reaching after him and whining as he watched Keith wander into the bathroom.

Lance stayed in bed as long as he could but had to get up to shower eventually, deciding to be brisk and quick so that he could walk with Keith even if he didn’t really want to be on time today as an excuse to miss his government class. Keith was eating cereal so Lance decided to also, propping his feet up on Keith’s lap because he was feeling particularly touchy and needy. Keith didn’t seem to mind.

Once they were ready to leave Lance grabbed Keith’s hand and wouldn’t let it go. He was glad Keith was letting him - typically Keith didn’t like public displays of affection but Lance guessed that he was feeling kind of needy after the past few days, too. He was even listening with actual enthusiasm to Lance’s retelling of his coworker falling into mop water at work, and letting Lance use him as a way to stay steady on the subway.

When they got off to go their separate ways Lance was reluctant to let go, trying to convince Keith that he could go without coffee for one morning and go straight to campus, but Keith was having none of it, obviously embarrassed by Lance’s blatant whining in front of a bunch of city commuters just trying to have a peaceful morning.

Lance still skipped government class that morning even though he would’ve been on time. He stood on the platform and played a medley of Pirates of the Caribbean that got a lot of attention during At Wit’s End and Up Is Down than any other piece. He went to campus with twenty-five dollars in his pocket and a good mood.

The rest of his classes were boring but not as boring as government.

Work was a little disconcerting, just because Pidge’s brother was obviously distressed about something but Lance couldn’t remember his name and didn’t know whether to wake him because he’d literally fallen asleep over his textbooks. In the end, he decided to be a good samaritan.

“Hey, are you alright...?” He asked, trailing off because he couldn’t remember the guys’ name, and the strawberry blonde man seemed perplexed by his surroundings for a solid five seconds before his cheeks tinged red and he sat up with a sheepish look on his face.

“Matt… and yeah… yeah, I’m okay,” he dismissed.

“More coffee?” Lance offered, out of the kindness of his heart because he was just feeling how Matt looked the past few days.

“Please and thanks…” Matt glanced down at his nametag and Lance didn’t feel bad for not remember Matt’s name anymore. “Lance,” he tacked on belatedly. Lance shook his head and went about getting Matt more coffee.

Keith stopped in, which was welcome but unexpected. The few times Lance had forced Keith here or made Keith something to take home Keith hated all of it. Lance had stopped asking him to visit him at work because of it - there was no point in seeing Keith if he was going to scowl down at his coffee the whole time. He admittedly felt like a schoolgirl with a crush when Keith leaned on the counter to order, smile looking beautiful on his face after he’d had a seemingly permanent frown all week. Lance felt light, rushing to get Keith’s coffee that he knew Keith hated, but glad Keith stopped by to see him anyways.

He’d initially just forgotten to ring Keith up, caught up in staring at him, but one eyebrow raise from Keith and Lance decided to play it off. He’ll consider it an express refund. “See you at home.”

God, Lance couldn’t wait to get home.

So, of course, Keith was asleep when he got there. Lance sighed, a little sadly, but it was okay. Keith had obviously tried to stay up; his laptop was still open and running the word doc for an essay. Lance made sure it was saved before closing it and removing it from Keith’s lap, setting it on the bedside table. Keith stirred, groaning in confusion.

“Get under the covers.” Lance pushed Keith’s bangs aside and kissed his forehead when Keith looked up at him with a sleepy frown. The expression on his face immediately softened. Lance helped Keith get under the blankets and once he was settled he tucked Keith in, because he vaguely remembered a drunken conversation they’d had after a night out where Keith admitted he liked when Lance tucked him in because he never got that luxury as a kid.

Lance gently patted the blankets, feeling lovesick and happy and tender all at once as he looked down at Keith. “Love you,” he whispered, even though they’d said the words a thousand times already.

Keith let out a hardy snore.

Lance smiled and shook his head, petting Keith’s hair before exiting the room and shutting the door behind him.