Chapter Text
1.
Isak had been awake for at least ten minutes, but he still couldn’t stop staring. It was early enough that his alarm hadn’t yet gone off and although there was no reason for him to be awake, he was—his heart so full on an otherwise normal Tuesday morning that it felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. When he’d fallen asleep the night before he hadn’t expected to wake up to this, but as the morning sun started streaming through the windows of Even’s bedroom, Isak stared down at the two loves of his life, both sleeping, and wondered how in the world he had gotten this lucky.
Even was laying on his side facing him, completely oblivious to the fact that he was being watched. He was wearing a threadbare T-shirt of Isak’s, his breathing steady, and he looked so soft with his hand splayed out over Isak’s pillow—almost like he had been reaching for him in the night—that it took Isak’s breath away. He probably had been. Even when they didn’t fall asleep in each other’s arms, they usually ended up there by daybreak, both craving the heat of another body after so much time alone.
If Even had reached for him the night before, however, he would have found Juliet sleeping between them instead. It made for a nice picture, but Isak knew there would be hell to pay when Even woke because Juliet wasn’t supposed to be there and Isak knew it. Even had been trying to teach her to sleep in her own bed, but when she’d cracked open their door in the middle of the night, it wasn’t Even that had awakened to her tremulous “Daddy” and Isak hadn’t yet learned how to tell her no, so he let her crawl into bed next to him and fall asleep in the relative safety of his arms. He thought it might be worth whatever ire was coming to be able to see the two of them like this, father and daughter laying side by side, their noses twitching in unison every couple of minutes like a family of rabbits. Isak couldn’t stop smiling.
He hadn’t realized until he met the two of them that hearts were capable of so many different types of love. He’d had boyfriends before Even, of course, but he had never felt even a fraction for them of what he now felt for Even. He hadn’t known that love could be so all-consuming, so strong, and he certainly hadn’t known he was capable of the type of love he felt for Juliet. His relationship with his own parents was rocky at best—all of the good memories mixed in with all of the bad until the love Isak felt for them was marred by something dark and impenetrable—but what Isak felt for Juliet was a pure, perfect love that comforted and terrified him in equal measure. She was like this tiny piece of Even living outside his body and there wasn’t a single part of Even that Isak didn’t love.
Unable to keep still any longer, he reached over Juliet and ran his finger down the bridge of Even’s nose, tracing the shape of it. His touch was feather-light, but Even flinched away from it regardless, burrowing his face into his pillow to hide it from view. Isak then moved on, tracing down the shell of his ear instead, and, when that still didn’t wake him up, he began carding his fingers through his hair, scratching lightly at the scalp until finally Even hummed in pleasure and blinked his eyes open sleepily. He smiled over at Isak, still sleep-soft and bleary-eyed, but when he made to lean forward and press his lips to Isak’s in greeting, he realized that there was something—someone—blocking his way. He looked surprised for all of two seconds before his frown turned into a full-blown pout.
“Isak,” he whined, his voice barely a whisper it was so quiet. “What is this?”
Isak shrugged. “She had a nightmare.”
Even rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face suggested that he was more amused than annoyed. “Then you tell her it was just a dream and take her back to bed.”
Isak looked down at Juliet, her blonde curls a mess atop her head, and tried to imagine himself sending her away in the middle of the night, but he just couldn’t. “But look at her face, Even,” he argued. “How can you say no to that face?” As if on cue, Juliet snuffled and turned so that she was pressed up against Isak’s chest. Isak’s heart flipped and he turned his pleading eyes to Even. “See?” he mouthed, gesturing down at the sleeping child cradled against him. Even, once again, rolled his eyes.
“I know, Isak, but this can’t happen or we’re never going to be able to have—” He paused to put his hand over Juliet’s one visible ear and then mouthed “morning sex” with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows. “—again.” Isak winced. “It’s been eight months,” Even continued in a whisper. “You’re supposed to have built up an immunity to her by now.”
Isak scoffed. “She looks like you, only cuter,” he pointed out. “I can’t fight that.”
“She is pretty cute, isn’t she?” Even grinned, reaching out to run his fingers through her tangled curls. “Did she keep you up long? You could have woken me.”
“No, she was fine,” Isak said and that was the truth. He’d liked it, if he was being honest—sharing a bed with the two of them. It was almost like they were a real family.
Even squinted his eyes doubtfully, but didn’t press the issue. He raised up onto his elbows to check the alarm clock behind Isak’s head and, upon seeing that it was time for the three of them to get up, groaned. He leaned over his daughter and pressed one hard kiss against Isak’s lips, lingering barely long enough for Isak to bury his fingers in his hair before he was pulling away.
“Jules,” he then said at a normal volume, shaking her shoulder lightly. “Come on, get up. It’s time to get ready for school.” Much like her father, Juliet groaned, burrowing deeper into Isak’s chest like he might protect her. He was already thinking through whether it would be possible to skip work and lay here with her all day when Even looked down at him pointedly. Isak sighed.
“Juliet,” he said, prying her fingers off of his T-shirt. “We have to wake up, sweetie.” She seemed much more amenable when it was Isak asking and her eyes fluttered open. When she saw Isak in front of her, she smiled, blue eyes sparkling, and then turned to Even.
“Isak let me sleep in here last night,” she announced happily, like maybe he hadn’t figured that out yet.
“I see that,” Even said, glaring over at Isak playfully. “But seriously, Jules. We’ve gotta get up. Come on.” Even stood, extracting himself from the bed covers, but when he turned to pick Juliet up, she curled back into Isak instead.
“I’m going to stay here,” she announced, her voice muffled by the fabric of Isak’s T-shirt. Isak stared up at Even with wide eyes, silently asking what he was supposed to do now, and Even let out a surprised laugh.
“Isak has to get up too,” he said, trying to pull Juliet off of him and, when that didn’t work, tickling her sides until she screamed in delight and finally let go. Even took advantage of her distraction to lift her into his arms and place a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. “Good morning,” he said to her, nuzzling closer. She laughed and nuzzled back.
“Morning.”
Even spun her once and then set her back onto the ground. “Go get dressed,” he said, turning her towards the door and giving her butt a gentle pat to usher her through it. “I’ll be there in a minute.” Juliet screamed and ran off towards her own room.
Isak sat up in bed and watched her go, turning his attention back to Even only when he sat down next to him and leaned in for a proper good morning kiss. Their lips were dry and their breath was stale, but Isak didn’t hesitate to reel him in closer, to deepen the kiss, to start his morning off with this one perfect moment that would last him for the rest of the day.
“Good morning,” Even said when he pulled away, his voice deeper than it had been only seconds before.
Isak, still breathless, smiled, thinking about all of the days ahead of him that would start exactly like this. “Good morning to you too.”
*
After several weeks of trial and error, they had finally come up with a successful morning routine—a routine that included Isak despite the fact that he didn’t technically live there. At least not yet. He slept over at Even’s more often than not, especially on weeks when Juliet was with Sonja, but the lease on his apartment was still good and it sat across town like a safety net, waiting, just in case Isak changed his mind or needed space. He doubted he ever would considering that the nights he spent alone were the nights he dreaded most.
He showered in Even’s bathroom using his own soap and shampoo and then trekked back into the bedroom with his towel wrapped around his waist to dig through one of the drawers Even had given him, looking for a clean pair of boxers. He then wandered over to the closet, half full of his own clothes, and changed. Even had carved out a space for him in his life long ago and now he was just waiting for Isak to fill it permanently. Here, in Even’s house, Isak felt like he belonged somewhere for the first time in a very long while. It was a good feeling.
When Isak walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, Even was bent over the stove cooking breakfast, still in his pajamas. Isak couldn’t resist sneaking up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Good morning,” he said for the second time. He kissed Even softly on the neck and then pulled away.
“Morning,” Even chuckled. “Can you grab the orange juice?”
Isak poured three glasses and then joined Juliet at the table where she was playing some game on Even’s iPad. “You look pretty this morning, Miss Juliet,” Isak said, reaching out to tug on her long, blonde braid. Juliet paused her game and preened.
“It’s my Elsa braid!” she announced proudly. “Daddy did it.”
“Did he?” Isak smiled, looking over at Even who just shrugged.
“YouTube,” he explained and although the braid was lopsided, Juliet seemed to love it.
Even served them all plates of eggs, toast, bacon, and fruit a few minutes later and, just like every morning, they ate together like a family. Soon, however, it was time for Isak to leave. “You almost ready, Jules?” he asked and Juliet nodded eagerly, hopping down from the table and running into the laundry room to grab her bookbag.
Isak stood and helped Even gather the dishes, but before he could go grab his own things, Even reeled him in so that the two of them were standing in the middle of the kitchen, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Why do you always have to go?” Even whined, grabbing Isak’s hips and pulling him closer.
Isak laughed, throwing his arms around Even’s neck to hold him in place. “Because not all of us have a super cool job that doesn’t start until noon,” he said, nosing closer to him.
“Nine-thirty,” Even corrected, but Isak wasn’t listening. He leaned in and captured Even’s lips in his own, trying to get his goodbye in before Juliet interrupted them. He meant for it to be a quick peck, but soon the two of them were swaying in each other’s arms, their lips still connected, and if it hadn’t been for Juliet’s giggle, they probably would have stayed like that all morning. Isak forced himself to pull away, disentangling his fingers from Even’s hair, and then stepped out of his embrace. Even kept staring at him for several seconds, his eyes dark, and god, Isak didn’t want to leave. Everyday it got a little bit harder.
Even finally broke their gaze to say goodbye to Juliet and then he walked them out to Isak’s car, settling her into the backseat before turning to Isak once more. “Are you coming home tonight?” he asked, but then quickly corrected himself. “Sorry. Are you coming over tonight? I know it’s a been a few days.”
Isak sighed as he counted in his head. Eight days. It had been eight days since he’d slept in his own apartment. The place could have burned down in those eight days and he would have no idea. “I should probably go check in on things,” he said. “Empty the mailbox.” Even’s face fell and Isak felt a pang of longing shoot through him. “Soon,” he promised and Even nodded, leaning in for one last kiss before sending the two of them on their way.
Driving Juliet to school was the best part of Isak’s mornings. No matter how tired he was, no matter how stressed about the patients he had waiting on his schedule that day, she never failed to calm him down. So he listened to her chatter away about Isabel and Frozen and the cat she was convinced Even was buying her for her birthday next month, and with every word she said, it made him feel a little more solid, like she was waking him up.
When they got to the school, Juliet kissed his cheek without prompting and then stepped out of the car with the help of a teacher that was waiting for her. Isak watched as she walked away, waving goodbye, and for the rest of the day, he carried that image with him. Everytime he walked into a patient’s room, he saw Juliet. Everytime he questioned whether he should order a test just to be sure or started to doubt that a child was telling the truth, he saw Juliet. He saw her everywhere, reminding him over and over that all of his patients were someone’s Juliet. He was a better doctor for it.
So Isak spent his day at work thinking about Even and Juliet, and when his day ended, he drove home with them still on his mind. He got his mail, ate dinner alone, and climbed into bed way too fucking early, his chest empty because his heart was already asleep across town.
*
If there was one thing Isak and Even were bad at, it was space. They were the most codependent couple Isak had ever met and although it should bother him that Even had turned him into this lovesick mess, it just didn’t. Somewhere along the way, Even had softened his heart of stone and some days he didn’t even recognize the person he had become. He didn’t think that was necessarily a bad thing.
Regardless, by noon the next day they were going on over twenty-four hours without seeing each other, so Isak wasn’t surprised when Even showed up at his office ten minutes before his lunch break. He finished seeing his patients, took his boyfriend by the hand, and then led him out of the building towards the same restaurant they had eaten at the first time Even had surprised him at work so many months ago. And even though Even was complaining about the drama at his own job, Isak was all smiles as he sat across from him, playing with his fingers on top of the table. He was only half listening, knowing Even didn’t actually expect him to say much, and instead he got lost in the deep cadence of his voice.
“I know it’ll work out in the end,” Even sighed, squeezing Isak’s hand. “But these re-shoots are completely fucking with my schedule. Which—shit, that reminds me. Would you mind picking Juliet up from school today? I know you’re not a babysitter, I swear, but I don’t want her to have to sleep at Sonja’s when I’m only going to be a few hours late.”
Isak rolled his eyes playfully. “Even, you know I don’t mind.”
Even smiled. “I’m starting to think you like her better than me. You keep this up, I might get jealous.” Isak looked down at their joined hands and felt his cheeks start to burn. It startled him sometimes just how much he loved that little girl—made him wonder if he actually had any right to. He was lost in his own thoughts when Even reached across the table and lifted his chin, forcing Isak to look at him. “But, seriously? Thank you, Isak. I know you don’t have to do any of this. You have your own life and your own friends and you didn’t sign up to chauffeur around six-year-olds, but—”
“Actually,” Isak cut him off. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.” He stared Even straight in the eyes and couldn’t help but notice a tiny flicker of fear there, so Isak continued on without really thinking through what he was going to say, not wanting to leave him in suspense. “My lease expires at the end of the month and I’m not planning to renew it. If that’s...still okay with you?”
They hadn’t talked about it much in the intervening months and Isak had let himself start to fear that this wasn’t actually what Even wanted, but before he could start to dread the answer, Even's face cracked into the most magnificent smile. “Yeah?” he asked, his voice breaking a bit on the word like he didn’t dare believe this was really happening. His fingers tightened their hold on Isak’s hand possessively and Isak didn’t think he even realized he was doing it.
“Yeah,” Isak agreed with a careless shrug, trying to pretend that his heart wasn’t hammering in his chest. “So, this is me signing up to chauffeur around six-year-olds.” He meant it as a joke, but he actually felt a little bit like crying as he thought about the perfect life that was unfolding in front of him.
Even let go of Isak’s hand and stood from his seat without warning, crossing to Isak’s side of the table so he could sit next to him and pull him into a bone-crushing hug. “I love you so fucking much,” Even whispered into his hair and Isak just nodded, not trusting himself enough to speak.
It was several minutes before he pulled away and by that time, both of their faces were suspiciously damp. Even wiped first his own and then Isak’s, both of them laughing at their own ridiculousness. They then threw away their trash and Even took Isak by the hand to lead him back to his office. They were halfway there before he stopped dead in his tracks and turned, his face serious, like something important had just occurred to him. “Oh shit, wait. You’re not allergic to cats, are you?”
*
Later that afternoon, Isak and Juliet were playing with dolls in her room as they waited for Even to get home and Isak was more nervous than he’d ever been in his life. More nervous than when he left home at sixteen and set out into the real world without a destination in mind. More nervous than on his first day of residency. More nervous than the first time he’d stood in a hospital and been asked a question that’s answer would determine whether a child lived or died. He was trained for that. He was prepared. He was not prepared for this.
He knew he didn’t need Juliet’s permission to move in, knew that asking her was just a formality, but this was her house too—more her house than Isak’s—and he wanted to know what she thought. He didn’t actually think she would say no, but just knowing that she could terrified him.
He swallowed hard, wondering when he had given a six-year-old enough power over his life to destroy him. “Hey, Jules?” he asked, interrupting her mid-narration. “Can I ask you a question?” She set the dolls down and looked up at him with wide eyes, like she could sense that he was nervous. Isak tried to shake those nerves off, not wanting to frighten her. He reached out to tuck a curl behind her ear and she smiled, leaning into his touch. “I was talking to your dad today and we were wondering if it would be okay if I move in here with you?”
The smile she gave him was so bright it melted his heart into a puddle. “Forever?” she asked, practically bouncing in excitement, and she looked so much like Even in that moment that Isak felt a bit weak at the knees.
Isak was a doctor. He knew you weren’t supposed to make promises that you couldn’t keep because that would only end up hurting people worse in the long run, but he also knew that nothing besides forever would be able to separate him from Even and Juliet.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Forever.”
Juliet leaned across the distance between them, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, and in her happiness, Isak found his answer.
*
The first few weeks were easy, comfortable, like this really was where Isak belonged. They rented a moving van and it only took one trip (and a little help from Jonas) to get everything to Even’s house. Or their house now. Even had already added his name to the placard on the door: Even, Isak, and Juliet. Their own little family.
Isak fit into their lives seamlessly, fell easily into the routines they had established over the past few months, and everything was so perfect that sometimes when he woke up in the mornings, he thought he was still dreaming. He hadn’t known it was possible to feel this happy—this loved.
Despite the fact that Isak had to get up earlier for work, Even always fell asleep first. Isak didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to stare at his boyfriend unabashed without him wriggling away in discomfort. That was what he was doing when he heard the bedroom door click open one night about a month after he moved in.
Isak turned and, upon seeing Juliet hunched in the doorway with her stuffed bear clutched tightly to her chest, sat up, thankful that he had taken Even’s advice and put his pajamas back on after what they’d gotten up to earlier. “Jules, what’s wrong?” he whispered, not wanting to wake Even, and she ran to him, holding her arms open so he could pick her up and cradle her on his lap. “Did you have a bad dream?” She burrowed her nose into his neck and nodded, but didn’t say anything else, so Isak just sat there and rocked her until her heartbeat started to slow.
“Can I sleep with you?” she mumbled after a few minutes, smacking her lips like she was starting to drift off again.
Isak was just about to say yes—had already turned to set her down on the mattress—but when he looked over at Even, he remembered that he wasn’t just the boyfriend anymore. He was the live-in boyfriend now and that came with certain responsibilities. Like parenting.
He threw one last longing look at Even, silently begging him to wake up and do the hard part for him, but he stayed stubbornly asleep. Isak sighed and turned back to Juliet, who was still sitting on his lap. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but you know you can’t.” She immediately started pouting, blue eyes wide, and Isak forced himself to look away because he knew that if he didn’t, that face would weaken his resolve. “Come on, I’ll take you back to bed.”
So he picked her up and carried her back to her room where she pouted some more and refused to relinquish her grip on his T-shirt. Eventually Isak just gave in laid down beside her, letting her cuddle into his chest as he smoothed her curls. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Isak steeling himself for the moment when he would have to leave her alone once more, but eventually he knew he had to speak.
“It was just a dream, Jules,” he whispered against her hair. “Dreams can’t hurt you unless you let them.” He unwound her fingers from his shirt and then sat up, pleased when she stayed where she was, tracking him with her eyes, but making no moves to draw him back in. “Look,” he said, standing and walking over to the owl-shaped night light that was plugged into the wall. He flipped it on and let the dim orange glow wash across the room. “Is that better?” She shrugged. “Well then what are you scared of?” he asked, sitting back down and patting her foot through the blankets. “You know me and your dad are right downstairs. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
She tilted her head and looked up at him, eyes wide and innocent. “I dreamed that you left,” she said and then buried her face in her pillow, like she was embarrassed to have admitted it. Isak’s stomach dropped and it took him a few long seconds to compose himself enough to speak.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. Not ever again. He reached out and turned her cheek to force her to look into his eyes. She rolled over to see him better.
“You promise?” she asked, pouting, and Isak made sure that his reply was adamant.
“I promise,” he said, leaving no room for argument. Juliet’s answering smile was far more blinding than the night light. “I would never leave you or your dad.” He reached out to boop her on the nose and she laughed, grabbing his finger in her small hand. Isak brought it to his lips and kissed it, making her preen. “I love you too much,” he finished and that, finally, seemed to satisfy her. “Are you going to be okay in here by yourself?” he asked, standing, and Juliet nodded. “Okay, well, good night then, Jules.”
Juliet rolled over, turning her back to him as he left the room like she hadn’t a care in the world. “Good night, Isak,” she replied, voice heavy with sleep. Isak stood in the doorway and watched her for several long seconds, drinking her in, before he finally stepped into the hall and made his way back to Even.
When he crawled into bed and pressed his cold toes against Even’s legs, Even didn’t react except to roll over and snuggle into his side, much as Juliet had only minutes before. It was like he knew, even subconsciously, just how close he had come to having to share him. Isak slept better that night than he had in years, basking in the warm comfort of family.