Chapter Text
Louis watched and waited. He watched his beautiful girlfriend cheerfully prance around the dinner table setting plates down. He watched Harry slowly placing small servings of Pot-au-Feu, a French dish he spent the entire evening making, onto those plates. He watched Liam place forks and knives along the plates and pecked Daniella's check as she placed the spoons for him. Zayn had just finished placing the glasses and was now seated across from Louis on his phone. He was probably bombarding Perrie with text questioning when she was gonna get here. Then there was Niall who took pride in not doing anything but complain that everyone was taking too long. Apparently, he was "dying of hunger".
Louis continued to watch and wait. He waited for his heart to stop beating one hundred miles per minute, he waited for his hand to stop trembling under the table, and he waited for the perfect moment to ruin little get-togethers like these. To ruin cuddling with the lads, to ruin good morning kisses from his girlfriend, to ruin fans announcing their love for him, basically to ruin his life. Because tonight was the night. No matter how much his entire body hated him for it, he needed to get this out.
He was tired, just proper tired. He was tired of forcing out a "Yeah, shes hot mate." everytime Niall spotted a girl at the pub. He was tired of saying "Of course not! Don't be a bloody git!" whenever his gaze would fall on a lad's bum in the streets and Zayn would notice immediately calling him out. He was tired of fake smiles and meaningless kissed when he was with Eleanor. Overall he was just tired of being in this dreadful confined space labeled as "the closet".
He wanted out. No wait, scratch that, he NEEDED out. This was tearing him apart, inside and out, and of course the boys noticed, and of course they worried, and just Duh! of course Louis consistently and effortlessly reassured (for the past two months) that he was fine. But he wasnt, he isnt. So, yeah the boys might probably be disgusted with him, and yeah this just might ruin his entire career, but honestly, to Louis, anything would be better than feeling like this for the rest of his life. So he decided to do what people like him do. Come out... but exactly how...?
Hes been asking himself this for weeks now and the only thing that he could do to find the answer was to watch every single "Coming Out" video he could possibly find on youtube, ranging from Troye Sivan [for all the munchkins out there] to Manny Mua. After all that he decided to watch every single "Coming Out: Tips/Advice" video he could possibly find. Even after all that there was no way he could do it because Louis knew that the second he let the two words slip out his mouth, everything would change.
Though one night, during a Skype call with his mum, she told him something he couldnt forget. "Boo, youre not happy. Dont think I havent noticed, I can hear it in your voice every call we have. You havent be-
"Mum, Im fine... just tired lately" He recited the same old excuse.
"Louis, let me speak" she told him sternly.
"Please talk to me. The boys are extremely worried as well (of course the lads contacted his mum, Louis thought). Whatever it is, you can tell us. We love you, Boobear."
Louis was completely taken aback, he could process the words to respond. It was as if she knew.
“Okay mum” was all he could mutter out.
That night he made a decision. He was going to come out and apparently his mind choose now. Everyone would be seated at the table, eating, laughing, enjoying each others company then BOOM! Louis would drop the rainbow bomb in front of everyone Liam, Daniella, Zayn, Perrie, Elea- ELEANOR?! Louis completely forgot how this would affect his girlfriend for 2 years. He surely had to tell Eleanor first, she deserve to know.
UGH! now his mind has to recalculate yet another plan of how tonight would go:
Step 1) Ask El to speak privately upstairs
Step 2) Tell her that you still love her and still want to be friends (because really El is a lovely girl and Louis loves spending time with her like at the movies rather than fancy restaurant dates), then tell her youre gay.
Step 3) While El is most likely crying and thinking that her ex is an abomination, go downstairs and drop the bomb.
Step 4) Bask in the glory of successfully ruining an entire evening and basically your entire life.
Step 5) Try to tue out everyone's crying and avoid their disgusted gazes while you try to eat your Pot-of-Feu or whatever Harry called it.
Louis thought for a bit… hmm, it seemed simple enough. Now it was just time to put his plan into action.
He felt a sudden warmth envelope his hand and that was enough to snap him out of everything. It was El’s perfectly manicured hand.
“Are you alright, Lou?”
He looked up only to find everyone’s concerned eyes on him- wait when did Perrie get here?
“Yeah, I'm alright” He tried to brush it off as if hes been here the whole time mentally. Everyone kept their stares for a while but eventually let it fall, everyone that is except for Harry and Louis couldnt help but shuffle under his gaze
Sweet, sweet, darling Harry with those green emerald orbs filled with concern and worry. And just God Louis just wanted to rip them straight out of his head, because how dare he be concerned about him when he was the was the reason Louis was feeling like this. Yup, not only was Louis gay, but he was also falling for his bandmate and best friend.
Harry was the reason Louis’s smiles seemed more and more forced everytime he was with Eleanor, Harry was the reason Louishad to carry a travel sized bottle of eyedrops because he would stare at the curly haired boy without blinking, Harry was was the reason why Louis thinks hes well...gay.
“Are you sure, boo? You seem a bit out of it” Harry whispered into his ear, causing Louis to stir. Screw you, Harry Styles.
“Yes Haz, I'm fine” he returned the nickname gesture sending a small smile his way. Harry sat on one side of Louis while Eleanor sat on the other, how convenient.
“Um El… we need t- I mean can w- can I talk to you for a sec?” Louis asked gripping her hand. She nodded her head, stunned at how her boyfriend struggled to ask. Louis never gets nervous.
Eleanor wasn't blind. She saw the sudden change in Louis two months ago. Of course she asked the continuous Are you okay’s but to no avail. She was patient however and never pushed. She figured Louis would tell her soon enough, and she hoped that “soon enough” was tonight.
They made their way upstairs, thankfully going unnoticed with all the commotion going on about Niall stealing a slice of bread from Harry’s plate.
Louis let Eleanor enter first then closed the door behind him. It was now silent and Louis felt more nervous each passing second. Eleanor sat on the edge of the bed, Louis next to her. He had hoped that as soon as they sat down, staring into each other’s eyes that the words would miraculously fall from his lips naturally. So when they didnt, that's when Louis began to panic.
After about an eternity Eleanor decided she should give him a but of encouragement. She placed her hand gently on his, “Louis?” she tried.
He just blinked, took a deep breath, and decided to just say it
“El, I want to break up” He stated simply, and just like that Eleanor was at a lost for words, she surly wasn't expecting this.
Eleanor saw how Louis usually flinched at her soft touch, how he was always never “in the mood” to go out on dates, how Louis became so distant from her.
“What?! Why?!” she shrieked.
Louis hated this, he really did, because he still loved Eleanor, just not in the way she thought and he didnt want to break her heart.
“I'm really sorry, El. I am, it's just…” Louis trailed off, thinking here it comes, here goes nothing…
“I still very much love you and I want to remain friends, please because youre still my best friend”
His brain yelled at him, YOU SKIPPED THE MAIN REASON!
And Louis is sorry, he really is but… his lips wont let the words slip out. After spending three solid days watching thirty two Coming Out videos all he had to do was say the one sentence hes heard at least thirty two times.
“I think I might be gay…” And there it was, the beginning of the end.