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English
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Published:
2018-01-31
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1,105
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1/1
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22
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251
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The Eyes Of A Demon

Summary:

Words hurt, no matter how hard you try to make them not hurt, they do.

Magnus realizes this after listening to a group of Shadowhunters making comments about his mark.

Notes:

"hi, how about magnus gets upset when at a meeting when they are mean to downworlders and he runs like past jace and all then to alecs room locks it and just goes and lays on him and alec holds him and confortss him"
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https://shadow-bellum.tumblr.com/ is my tumblr account, side blog, but my inbox is open! (I like writing angsty Magnus stories, no offence to Alec, but I gotta get my fill for those somewhere. There really isn’t enough of them.

If you’ve got any requests/prompts that have triggering subjects, feel free to send them too. I can write most of those as well. If not, I’ll make a post about it either putting it up for adoption or something.) :D

I’m not sure if this one makes a whole lot of sense, to be honest, I’m not having an amazing night.
I just got over having a really bad panic attack about family stuff and I kinda took it out on this, so I hope it’s understandable. I just wrote a lot of what I’d been feeling when I was having one. I hope that’s okay, love. <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“How can anyone look at those eyes and feel anything expect disgust.”

Magnus didn’t react, or at least he tried not to, but the comments about his eyes stung more than usual.

“They’re disgusting,”

He frowned, keeping his back as straight as he could. He could hear the comments from across the room, digging to the Werewolfs, Vampires and Warlocks in the room and their physical appearances.

“I feel violated just looking at them..”

He wanted nothing more than to walk out, curse them all to Edom and let them have a round with his father, but mostly he just wanted to go home and cuddle with his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe that Lightwood is actually dating...That.”

However Alec was stuck here during the lockdown and he hadn’t been able to see him for the past few days.

“Do you think he has to close his eyes while they fuck? ‘Cause I’d rather be devoured alive than stare up at those.”

He clenched his jaw.

“ It’s an abomination,”

He felt his body tense more and he held himself still with every ounce of self control he had, his step father’s words ran through his mind on an endless loop.

“I doubt Lightwood actually likes those things. They’re fucking nasty.”

He felt his legs move before he realized it, turning on his heel and shoving past a group of Shadowhunters by the door. When one nearest the door protested, he threw him into the wall with a sudden surge of magic, knocking the group's feet away from him. 

Magnus didn’t bother to wait for a response, the second the doors closed, he ran.

He wasn’t thinking.

He knew that.

He shouldn’t have done that.

He heard Isabelle call out to him from her open door where she was talking to Clary, but he ignored both of them, bolting down the hallway and to the right, straight into Alec’s room.

He froze for less than a second after the door closed behind him, taking him Alec’s sleeping form on the bed. He shook his head and covered his mouth, letting out a high pitched noise as his knees gave out. Tears filled and dripped from his eyes and he wanted to rip them out.

He wanted it to stop.

He wanted people to just accept him, to accept all of them.

The floor was blurring and his chest felt heavy and the words “Breath, Breath, Breath.” echoed through his mind in a soundless travel because he couldn’t remember how to breath.

He knew in the back of his mind that Alec was kneeling in front of him, but he didn’t, couldn’t process it.

Stop

He choked, leaning forward into himself and touching his forehead against the cold floor, keeping his mouth covered, but it didn’t do anything expect cover his hand in saliva.

Broken off noises continued erupting from his covered mouth and he whimpered and whined louder because it kept betraying him.

This couldn’t be happening

He couldn’t be having a panic attack, not now...Not in front of Alec.

He begged himself internally to shut up, to calm down, but the tears kept blurring his vision and soaking the floor and he couldn’t breath…

Everytime he tried nothing happened, rough sounds were the only thing that followed.

He was trying. He was!

It felt like his body was shaking, or maybe it was.

“Babe?!”

He needed to calm down.

“Magnus?”

He felt the hands touch his knee softly and he flinched, but he flinched harder when it back off. A louder sob escaped him.

Why did they have to leave?

I’m sorry, I didn’t

Magnus fell sideways, curling up as small as he could and squeezed his eyes shut.

People didn’t want to see his eyes.

He didn’t want to see his eyes.

“They’re disgusting,”

He could feel the pain in his eyes, but he couldn’t figure out from what.

“ It’s an abomination,”

His fingers were warm and wet.

“Do you think he has to close his eyes while they fuck?”

Who was screaming?

Hands gripped his wrists roughly and pulled him upwards, his jerked away from the unknown touch, but it didn’t work.

His eyelids were damp...And warm.

“Babe!”

He flinched.

“Magnus, babe, I need you to listen to me.”

He froze, letting his body go limp against the hard body holding him. Alec didn’t let go of his wrists though.

“You’re bleeding,”

Magnus slowly opened his eyes a few minutes later, keeping his head rested on Alec’s chest and trying to match his breathing.

“W-wha-”

“Your eyes,” Alec whispered to him, staring down at the disheveled form on his lap.

Magnus realize his eyes were sting, burning and were hard to open. And there was blood staining his finger tips.

“Sorry…” He wasn’t sure if Alec heard him, he barely heard himself.

“Don’t apologize, babe.” He felt Alec pick him up and he curled up more, letting the other man carry him over to the bed and lay him down. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

He nodded.

Alec returned a few seconds later with a warm, wet rag which he used to gently clean away the evidance of the break down.

“Close your eyes.”

He tried not to flinch when he felt the rag touch his eyes, but it stung.

“What happened, babe?”

Magnus shook his head.
“I simply over reacted.” He answered once he could look up again, brushing a shaking hand over Alec’s cheek. Alec raised his eyebrow.

“And I’m suppose to believe that?”

Magnus shrugged.

“Old prejudices die hard, love. I don’t expect everyone to...accept all parts of me.” He finished slowly.

“Did someone say something? During the meeting I mean?”

Magnus waved him off, curling back so he was facing away from him and forcing his glamour back up once he realized it was still down.

“Babe?”

“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

He felt Alec lay down behind him, pulling him against the other man’s body. Alec rested his chin on Magnus’ shoulder and kissing behind his ear softly.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Alec said and he relaxed slightly against him. “But I do love you,” Magnus glanced behind him and gave Alec a small smile, it was the only thing he could do. He didn’t have the energy to do anything else.

“All of you. Including your eyes.” He wasn’t sure if he’d actually heard Alec say it, since he was right on the line of sleep, but it still made his heart warming.

He would ask in the morning, when he was more put together.

Notes:

I hope you guys enjoyed, please let me know if you did, even if it's just a heart or a good job!! It means the world to me!! <3