Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

   After a sweep of campaigning, you are finally able to settle down on your new planet: Abridgtous. It feels very strange, so many of you almost didn't make it. Technically, some of that was your fault, but you were forgiven for it. I mean... at least you think you were? No one talks about it anymore, so that's a good sign, right?

   It should be, but since you came to this planet, you've gone back to your secluded life: a lone island on the sea. Okay, maybe they are still mad at you. Well, whatever, fuck them. You don't need them, anyway.

   You're Eridan fucking Ampora. And you've never needed anyone.

   You do, however, need to know where the fuck you are. You awoke today in a broken down block that's waterlogged and aged. From the creaking floorboards to the apparent leaks in the ceiling and the stale air, this is definitely not your hive. But really, you can't tell: it's pitch black in here.

"Hello? Wwhere the fuck am I?!" Something brushes against you and you are now on full guard, Crosshairs in hand.

   However it isn't until now that you hear footsteps, one set significantly heavier than the other.

"IT'S MOTHERFUCKING DISGRACEFUL TO FIND A HIGHBLOOD THAT HAS FORGOTTEN HIS PURPOSE."

"I completely agree, boss. You think vwe should do something about that?"

   ... What's Cronus doing with the Grand Highblood? and how?? The ancestors are all dead, how in the hot hell is this scenario even your reality right now? You need to get out of here. Now.

"Showw yourselves, you fuckin' cowwards!"

   It's almost like a trunkbeast kicked you in the back. Your glasses are knocked off of your face and slide across the room. You've been disarmed and pinned to the floor.

"YOU HAVE LOST YOUR AUTHORITY, AMPORA."

"GET THE FUCK OFFA ME, YOU FUCKIN' OGRE."

"Nowv that's no vway to talk, Eridan," He laughs, his thumb hooking into the side of your mouth. "Vwhy don't vwe find a better use for that mouth of yours?"

   He did not just imply what you think he implied. He is fucking dead.

"Howw about you borroww my Crosshairs so you can fuck yourself hard enough to slip on the trigger."

   That was a bad decision. That was an instantly regrettable decision. You're punched in the back of the head and sent back down onto the floor.

"Sorry, chief, I gavwe you a chance..." He doesn't sound sorry in the slightest.

"NOW YOU WILL FACE YOUR PUNISHEMENT."

   You struggle under their hold as they proceed to tear your clothes away like wet paper.

"WWHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN'?! LET ME GO!!"

"UNTIL YOU LEARN PROPER RESPECT, YOU ARE STRIPPED OF THE RIGHT TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN A SLAVE."

   Before you can retort, your body is consumed with an overwhelming pain. It's unimaginable anyone would be able to have a bulge so massive. It feels like he's trying to tear you in half as he thrusts into you with clear disregard. Your demands for release quickly become mortified screams and agonizing pleas. That doesn't last long when Cronus decides to pacify you with his own member, choking you in the process.

   You don't see yourself leaving this scenario. You only hope that you aren't culled when they finish.
...No, no this isn't you. You can't just give into the situation. You need to get out of here. You struggle in their hold and attempt to bite down on the bulge in your mouth. Ah! Success! He pulls out, giving you a chance to breathe.

   He crouches into front of you, pulling at your horns so he is face to face with you.

"If you do that again, I'll havwe to pull those chompers out myself." He said that so calmly... he probably means it. "So, let's try this again."

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

   You wish they had knocked you out. You wish they had just culled you on the spot. Anything would have been better than this. You don't know how long this has gone on for (frankly, you think it would be worse to know), but they have finally finished with you and let go. You fall to the ground like a ragdoll: weak and pathetic. Cronus leaves you with the Subjugglator, who isn't quite done with you yet. What more could they possibly do to you? You feel cold metal clasp snugly around your neck, a soft 'beep' comes from it when its locked.

"YOU WILL LEARN YOUR LESSON, SEADWELLER, AND I WILL BE SURE OF IT." He grabs you by the arm, holding you to his face. "THIS COLLAR WILL ELECTRICALLY STIMULATE YOUR GILLS AT RANDOM. IF YOU TRY TO TAKE IT OFF, YOUR MOTHERFUCKING GILLS WILL BE TORN OFF WITH IT."

   Insane. That would kill you... but that's probably the point, isn't it?

"BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR, SLAVE. I'LL BE WATCHING." His laugh is wicked with sincerity.

   He let's go of you and you fall. When you hit the ground, there is a bright flash of light and you are suddenly back in your study. That... that just happened. You are so fucking pissed at yourself. You are in enough pain where you don't want to move. 

   You vomit. It could be blood or genetic material, but at this point, you can't seem to care enough. You look over yourself to see just how much damage they did to you: claw marks, bruises, so much genetic material... you're absolutely disgusted with yourself for letting this happen. You could’ve fought back harder. Hell, dying would have been better than having to suffer through all of that. You try your best to get up, but you can't manage anything more than just dragging yourself across the floor with your arms. This is pitiful! You've taken worse damage than this and you are nearly paralyzed from... Well... no. You want to believe you’ve taken worse but... this was the worst.

   The tatters of your clothes are long gone, but luckily your glasses were transported back with you. You manage to get to them, only to find...

"Of course... fuckin' lens cracked."

   Your name is Eridan Ampora... And you need somebody.

   Anybody.

Chapter Text

    You scream in agony for assistance, but your lusus is nowhere to be found. That’s not a fucking surprise. Being treated like a communal pail and now you have this... collar thing on your neck? You force yourself to sit up and think of who you could possibly reach out to in a time like this…

    Karkat? No, he’s probably on Earth C with the humans, there’s no way he’s going to come here for this. He has better things going on, anyway.
    Gamzee? You’re relatively sure he’s still locked in a refrigerator in Vriska’s hive一

    VRISKA! You know she’s going to make a mockery of you, but she was always a good kismesis to you. Sure, she hated you, but you know she always cared to some degree. You hope she still does.

    caligulasAquarium[CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip[AG]

CA: vvris
CA: are you there
CA: i need to talk to you

    You don’t think she’s going to answer. You guess she has better things to do, too. You try to crawl to the bathroom to least clean yourself up and tend to your wounds. You only get to the doorway before you have to stop. Fuck this. You have to try again.

CA: vvris i knoww youre fuckin ignorin me on purpose noww
AG: Oh my god, Eridan. Whaaaaaaaat?!

    Thank. Fuck.

CA: do you knoww wwhere i livve noww
AG: Hmm… That depends.
AG: Why should I care?
CA: ill explain later
CA: i just need you to get ovver here noww
AG: Honestly, Eridan, I’m not in the mood for your dum8 theatrics.
AG: Just tell me!!!!!!!!
CA: wwell guess wwhat
CA: neither am i
CA: get your ass ovver here
AG: Oh? And what if I say no?
CA: please
CA: just
CA: come to my hivve
CA: ill make it up to you in wwhatevver sick demented wway you wwant later
AG: Why, Eridan, I’m flattered that you’re finally coming to terms with my place over you!
AG: It’s…
AG: Kinda disappointing, actually.
AG: ::::/
AG: 8ut, it’s also getting annoying that you won’t stop 8ugging me, so I’m on my way.
CA: im in my study
CA: just let yourself in
AG: Hey, I don’t plan on staying long. So don’t waste my time, okay?
AG: I do have 8etter things to do.
CA: thanks
AG: Again… kinda disappointing.

arachnidsGrip[AG] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium[CA]

    You don’t know what help the Thief of Light is going to be. Idiot, you should’ve reached out to Feferi.

    I mean… you still can…

caligulasAquarium[CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller[CC]

 CA: hey fef

    It’s an immediate response.

CC: -Eridan?
CC: )(I!!!
CC: It’s been a w)(ale since I’ve heard from you!
CC: How are you? 38D
CA: uh
CA: yeah its been a long time
CA: i wwish i had better newws to givve you after this prolonged silence but
CC: 38?
CA: i aint feelin too wwell
CA: wwould you mind stoppin by for a bit
CA: it wwouldnt be for long
CA: i promise
CC: Are you feeling eel?
CC: I don’t mind visiting you, but I did bring our lusii back from t)(e dead for a reason.
CC: W)(y don’t you ask yours to kelp you?
CA: i
CA: cant seem to find him
CC: 38o
CC: Was it anot)(er fig)(t?
CA: no
CA: i mean
CA: at least not this time
CC: )(mmm....
CC: Okay, but just this once.
CC: We’re not making this a regular thing.
CA: okay great
CA: do you knoww wwhere i livve
CC: Of course! I was there to pick out the location, remember?
CA: oh
CA: yeah
CA: so
CA: ill see you soon then
CC: See you soon, ---Eridan!!

cuttlefishCuller[CC] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium[CA]

    Okay, you’ve gotten this far. You have at least two trolls coming to help you. And what is this going to do for you? They’re going to come into your hive and see you caked in genetic slurry, ass naked. No. This is not happening. You don’t care how much pain you’re in now, that humiliation is going to be the absolute death of you. Especially since you invited Vriska fucking Serket to your hive what were you thinking?!
     You have to haul ass. You force your arms to drag you to the bathroom, a trail of genetic material and blood in your wake. Fuck you and your need for an extravagant bathroom, why did you put the bathtub so far from the door? Fuck the tub, you go for the shower instead. You don’t even bother closing the door when you turn it on, scrubbing away furiously until only the abrasions and bruises remain. You hastily press against your seed flaps to empty yourself of the Grand Highblood’s material. You are somewhat awestruct at the fact that you (or anyone else, for that matter) were able to hold so much. You become entranced, watching the colors mix and swirl down the drain...

    As a matter of fact, this has you entranced enough that you don’t hear the first few knocks at the front door. That’s probably Feferi.

“The door’s open.” You call back, scrambling onto your feet. Shit, you still can’t stand too well. You trudge forward until you nab a towel, throwing it around your waist before you slump back onto the ground.

“Eridan? There’s blood all over the place!” Good, she only sees blood. “What happened? You’re all scratched up.” She crouches next to you, looking over your wounds.

    You have yet to think of an excuse. You can’t let anyone know what happened to you. No way. Make something up. Quickly, she’s looking at you.

“Just another battle, I guess.”

“Another one? With who?”

“Some purpleblood or somethin’, no one I really kneww.”

“They must have gotten you good. Maybe you’re out of shape since you don’t have to hunt for me anemonemore.”

“And that’s somethin’ I ain’t goin’ back to, Fef.”

“I didn’t say you had to…” she sighs, using her Life abilities to heal your wounds. It’s warm, but it tingles. Very weird.  “Did I tell you I had that fixed for everyone as well?”

“Fixed wwhat?”

“A lot of people came to me carping about the sizes of our lusii. Being too big or too small… most of them concerned about Gl'bgolyb’s glub, which I understand completely.

“Uh huh…” You’re not sure why you asked, but her talking is distracting you from your own thoughts.

“So, I asked Jade to shrink her down for me.”

“The wwitch from the human session?”

“Her name is Jade, and yes. As much as I love my lusus, I must admit she is absolutely ADORABUBBLE now!” She giggles to herself.

“She’s really fuckin’ tiny now, ain’t she?” Why ask?

“Oh, Eridan, you should sea! I can cuddle and cull her so much easier now!”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at her. Of course she would make her lusus that small. Can you blame her? She must be so happy that she can spend real quality time with Gl'bgolyb now.

“Whale, anywave, it looks like you’re all healed up!”

“Thanks.” You stand up, keeping your towel firm in your hold.

“I’m not going to do this for you every time, so try to work on your defense a bit more, okay?” She playfully shoves your shoulder. You try to return some form of a smile.

“Right.”

    You watch as she leaves your hive before retreating to your wardrobe for another outfit. You’re lucky Feferi didn’t comment on it, but Vriska will do all kinds of prying about your new accessory if she sees it. You have to keep this hidden, you just have to.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

    A few hours pass before Vriska shows up. Damn, did she really elect to taking her time getting here.

“Hurry up, asshole, I don’t have all day.”

“Just open the fuckin’ door!”

“Is that any way to speak to your guest?”

    You aren’t even at the door yet and you can just see the coy smirk on her face. Fucking bitch. You still hate her sometimes… But you get the door anyway.

“About time.” She looks over you before brushing passed. “Well, you aren’t dead… So, why did you call me here again?”

“Actually, Fef stopped by before you got here and一”

“Oh! So, I’m hearing you don’t need me here anymore? Great!” She turns on her heel. “Later, Ampora.”

“Vvris, wwait.” You reach out and grab her wrist.

    You both exchange quizzical looks, wondering why the fuck you just did that. Why did you do that? Let go. Let. Go. Eridan.

“Yeeeeeeees? I’m listening?” She just got here and already she is impatient with you.

“I need to wwork on fightin’ strategies. Wwould you mind?”

    She pulls her hand out of your hold and crosses her arms.

“So, let me get this straight. You contact me claiming to be dying一”

“I nevver said that一”

“Shh… I’m talking. You contact me claiming to be dying, I make the kind and thoughtful gesture of offering my time一”

“My ass一”

“Eridan, no one cares. Offering my time to help you and instead I find out you just want to spar for old time’s sake?”

“I guess.” You guess?

“You guess?? What kind of answer is that ?!” She rubs her temple, obviously agitated with the asinine conversation you’re still having. Fuck it, just let her leave.

"You know what, Eridan. You want me to kick your ass so badly? Fine. I’m in the mood for it now. However…” Her finger is pointed between your eyes. “...This is not some form of caliginous flirting. So don’t make this weird or anything.”

    You wave her hand out of your face, walking outside.

“Yeah yeah, wwhatevver. Quit stalling an let’s go already.”

“Fine. I’ll try not to crack your other lens. No promises though.”

    Shit, that’s right. You’re still wearing a broken pair of glasses. Eh, you’ll fix it later; they’re probably going to crack more during this spar.

    And they do; she kicks your ass. Feferi was right, you need to work on defending yourself.

Chapter Text

 “God, Eridan, I was expecting some kind of challenge from you. That was pathetic!”

    And it was. You know you’re capable of more, but the fire just wasn’t in you today like it usually was. And you think she’s starting to catch on.

“Okay, something is clearly going on with you. What, did you get rejected by another girl? I keep telling you, you have to just give up on those efforts.”

“Yeah…”

“No, that’s not it…”

    She’s going to laugh at you.

“I probably will.”

“Can you stay outta my head for fivve fuckin’ minutes?!”

“Just spill it, already.”

    You hesitate, but she’s going to get the answer out of you one way or another.

“Got into a fight wwith my dancestor.”

“What, that greaseball douchebag? He kicked your ass? I doubt it, I know he doesn’t stand a chance against you, he’s a weak piece of shit!”

“Yeah, wwell I guess he’s gotten stronger.”

“You guess, you guess, you guess. What do you know , Eridan? Cut the bullshit!”

“It wwas different this time. It–”

    The collar activates. It’s not terribly strong of a shock, but the fact that this collar is near your gills is just... You’re trying to ignore it, you don’t want to cave to it. This fucking sucks. Why did they have to put this device in such a delicate spot? Vriska is catching on to your panic. You have to put on face, just for a while longer...

“Yeah? What do you plan on doing about it? Just sitting here and crying like a bitch?”

“I ain’t cryin’.”

“Like a little bitch.”

“Oh yeah? Wwhat wwould you do if you wwere in my shoes then, ‘Mindfang’?”

“Oh GOD, don’t give me those nightmares.”

    However, she does ponder the thought. She rolls her eyes when she finally comes to a decision, groaning like this is the biggest inconvenience in the world. You’re… starting to have difficulty swallowing. You wonder if maybe she can help you?

“So, he kicks your ass once. Whatever, we all have our shitty days, even someone as noble and high in the caste as you.” She reeks of sarcasm. “But don’t let that stop you! Next time you see him, you have to be ready to smash him into the dirt. Put him in his place under you.”

    That didn’t feel sincere at all.

“Well, I’m being as sincere as I can. Take it or leave it.”

“... Thanks, Vvris.”

“Any time! But I’m not going to do this for you again.”

“Wwait, wwhat一”

“So, I’ll send someone else next time you bug me. But only once, so don’t waste that call, fishbreath.”

    You only give a nod in understanding as she dons her godtier form and takes to the skies, laughing as she flutters away. What a bitch . You head back inside so you can properly writhe in the grip of the collar until it eventually… maybe… turns off.

    It takes hours.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

    Okay, her advice was simple enough: waste no time, just start strong. Kill him if you have to, just get out before he gets the advantage. You spend a few days practicing your aim and hand-to-hand combat strategies. You’re sure to be ready this time. You feel good about yourself, confident even.

    Well, ready or not, Cronus appears in your hive. He looks impatient, but not enough to immediately be aggressive. He’s playing with your head.

“Hey, babe.” So cocky it makes your temper steadily boil.

“You ain’t takin’ me anywwhere, Cro.”

“That’s fine,” he shrugs, sauntering closer to you. “Vwe can stay here if you’d prefer. Hell, it’d probably be more intimate that vway. Is that it?” A hand settles on your hip and he pulls you flush against him. “Because I can givwe that to you.”

    You sock him right in the jaw. It was enough to get him to take a few steps back.

“I said you ain’t takin’ me anywwhere. You’re gonna get the fuck outta here and nevver come back.”

“Oh, but Eridan,” he pouts. “This is my hivwe too. You can’t just kick me out like that. Our lusus vwill alvways take me in and you knowv it.”

“I don’t care!” You stand your ground, taking out your rifle. “Your dirtlickin' mug is leavvin’ this hivve one wway or another.”

“Wvell, you’re right about one thing… I am leavwing.”

    He charges at you, but you pull the trigger before he gets close. Direct hit!

    His hand emerges from the brightness of the blast and grips the harpoon, pulling it out of your hands and grabbing you by the collar. How?? He should be dead, his hand should have melted upon contact with the gun! What is happening?? Who is this?!

“But I’m taking you wvith me.”

    And with the snap of his fingers, you are teleported back to that disgusting, unlit room. Cronus throws you onto the ground and walks away. The Grand Highblood gets you to himself this time around. You don’t know why you’re back here or what will happen next, but…

    He keeps it short this time around. He just fucks you and sends you back to your hive. When you return, the collar reactivates with a higher intensity. You struggle to breathe until you’re met with the cool of the shower washing down on you. You’re… having mixed feelings about having your gills stimulated like this while you’re trying to empty yourself of this wretched shade of purple. Mixed enough for you to let some violet accompany it down the drain.

Chapter Text

    About a wipe passes. Your scars are healing nicely, but your nook still aches from the aggressive penetrations. That collar still goes off at random intervals, leaving you aching on the ground until you relieve the burning need for release. Your gills are starting to get swollen from the electrocution.

    It doesn’t make sense. You tell yourself. What is this supposed to teach me? To be self-indulgent?

    You’ve taken to swimming near the shore for a while so you’re able to actually breathe. The cool of the sea is refreshing on your aching body, but it still doesn’t distract you from the fact that you have to live this way to get by. Hunting the waters for food, eating what you catch raw, and your lusus remaining indifferent to it all… reminds you if when you were growing up: Nothing has changed.

    Things get really. Fucking. Boring. Very quickly .

    You come up with medial things to do to pass the time. You braid seaweed and poke around in a nearby catch pool. You recite spells until the whitemagic burns. You even trace patterns in the sand the see how far you can get some rocks to skip along the water surface. This condemnation is something you’re doing yourself. This has been your life for the past week: eat, masturbate, and let your thinkpan gradually rust away from boredom. You’d contact others for company, but who are you kidding. You have no one to reach out to now. At least, no one you’re willing to lose. Vriska and Feferi haven’t bothered with you since your first incident and you only have one more chance to reach out to your former Kismesis for help. You’d rather not squander that.

    Once again the collar goes off. Your arms swing back and slam onto the shore, clutching fistfuls of sand as you cry out in shock. Your bulge reluctantly unsheathes, wriggling for your attention. You groan and sigh, hoping to ignore the stimulation. You’ve tried and failed at this for days, what makes you think this will be any different? You might as well get back to it. You reach under the water to take your bulge into your hand.

    Another hand takes hold instead. Abrasively.

    You try to pull out of the water, but your ankle is being held down. Cronus slowly emerges from between your legs, a wide grin on his face. Even though you’re technically naked already, you can still feel his eyes undressing you to reveal you to the core. His hand slowly traces up your body until it takes hold of your wrist, keeping it in the sand. He straddles you, watching you struggle in his grip as he pins you against the shore. You hate this… but you can’t escape, not with how he has you now. And especially with how close his teeth are to your fins.

“Look at you… out and vwrithing for me.” He licks your fin as he slowly strokes your aching bulge. The contact is making your skin crawl, but you can’t get yourself to punch him and run. It hasn’t worked for days, why would it work now?

“Yeah? So, wwhat if it’s out? Not like I did this for you. ”

“Oh, but I knowv you did. You did come outside for me and all.” His eyes are wandering once more. God, you feel absolutely disgusting . Why did you come outside instead of staying in the bathtub? “So, vwhy don’t vwe just come back to our usual spot and… get this taken care of?”

“Fuck, Cro, I’m too exhausted. And, in case you forgot, fuck off.”

    He shakes his head, tksing at you. Such a coy, smug bastard. Just like you.

“Too bad you forgot, chief. This isn’t exactly a choice .”

    Fuck this, you’re back in that dark room. Once you hit the ground, you do your best to get back onto your feet, but Cronus pins you down much quicker. You struggle and squirm, desperate to break free. All for naught, though.

“Tell you wvhat babe: howv about I take that collar off for you if you behavwe for once?”

He pulls you underneath him, your scream barely able to come out before you swallow his length.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

    You return to your hive the next night, the sun just starting to go down. You stagger into the bathroom and begin to examine the damage. The collar’s off, but your voice is gone. You have new bruises on your figure: More claw marks, more bitemarks, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. You sign onto Trollian. Vriska is the only one on. You don’t want to waste this call, you really don’t, but if she’s willing to offer someone else to help you…

caligulasAquarium[CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip[AG]

CA: hey
CA: about that offer

arachnidsGrip [AG] signed out of Trollian

Oh, no. Oh fuck no. She’s not ignoring you now.

CA: dont you evven try that shit
CA: wwe had a deal
CA: hold up on your offer spider bitch

arachnidsGrip [AG] resumes trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

AG: Fucking hell, Eridan, you can’t even give a girl time to com8 the sopor out of her hair?
CA: ivve seen you up earlier
CA: wwhatevver
CA: you knoww wwhat im here for
AG: You honestly can’t hold up your own for a few hours?
AG: Eridan, I didn’t think you’d 8e going soft so quickly after the game!
AG: Is losing your title as the Great Orphaner settling in?
CA: fuck off you havve no right to be judgin me right noww
AG: Well, o8viously not. You won’t tell me anything!
AG: What’s stuck in your nook?
CA: youre gettin off topic
CA: wwe made a deal
AG: Did we?
CA: cut the shit
CA: you said you could send someone
AG: Did I?
CA: WWOMAN I SWWEAR TO GOD
AG: Jeez, fine!!!!!!!!
AG: Not even going to try to tell me the truth this time?
CA: aint none a your damned business
AG: I don’t see why you’re 8eing so cold to me. I’m offering my assistance! Isn’t that what you wanted? How can I 8e sure you get the proper help if you don’t tell me what you need?
CA: i dont care wwho the fuck you send
CA: just do it
AG: Reeeeeeeeally?
AG: I can send ANYONE????????
CA: go fuckin nuts
AG: Okay, 8ut don’t 8lame me if anything 8reaks ;;;;)
CA: wwait
CA: wwait wwhat

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

    … Why do you get the feeling you just made a poor choice of words? You get barely enough time to get dressed before you hear shattering glass.

Chapter Text

    Shit, shit, shit! He can’t be back so soon, please , he just can’t! You throw on your cloak over your sopping wet clothes and sprint out of the bathroom. You need to try to defend yourself, you can’t go back.

“Hey, little Ampora! I was sent to make shore you’re not belly up!”

    Well, all that anxiety was for nothing. You drag out a sigh of relief and annoyance and greet your guest with nautical regality.

“Shello, Meenah,” You breathe. You make an attempt to bow, but you’re in too much pain. “Wwater you doin’ here?”

“I fish I knew?” She struts inside, ripping her 2x3dent out of the floor. “Fishka just told me to come check on you. What’s stuck in your fishnets? You look like shit.”

“Nothin’, just tired.”

“That’s total bullshark and you know it.” A hand rests on her hip as she extends her weapon towards you. “Water you hiding? Let me pier in there.” She tries to tug your scarf down with her trident, but you pull away.

You look away and try to hide your gills as she advances towards you. She tosses her weapon onto the couch and grabs your wrists.

“Fucking guppy, let me sea!”

Your eyes are puffy from the lack of sleep… or from crying from the pain, either one. Your gill sets are inflamed and raw and you are covered in more wounds than before.

“You do minnow that I’m not the healer Peixes, right?”

“Obvviously,” You murmer. “But she already said she wwon’t kelp me.”

“Take it you ain’t on glubbing terms?”

“Havven’t been for a long time.”

“You know, guppy, I may not know you too whale, but we usually heal pretty quickly.” She circles you, occasionally poking or pressing on injuries, causing you to wince and occasionally hiss a breath. “So what gives? This should all be gone by now.”

“You’d think that.” Can you get away with a lie? “But gettin’ into so many fights so soon makes it take longer.”

“So you asked me to guppysit you?”

“I didn’t ask for you to begin wwith!”

     You just sit there and glare at each other. Neither of you want to deal with each other’s shit, but you don’t expect her to give in.

“Look,” you rub your face. “I just need a wway to fix this. You got any ideas?”

“I think I can some up with somefin for you,” She ponders, heading for the front door. “If you can shamble your tail outside.”

    When you catch up to her, she’s emptying a box of something into one of the tide pools on your shoreline. She pokes around in the water with her trident.

“Wwhat’s this shit?” There’s a pink foam developing on the surface. “Did you just pour fuckin’ soap into the tide pools!?”

“Cool your gills, Ampora” The foam settles and the water returns to normal. “In a few minutes, you’ll have a nice little colony of shrimp in this here tide pool.”

“Shrimp?” You blink. “The fuck is that goin’ to do for me?”

“What it’s gonna do,”She rolls her eyes. “Is heal your wounds. You’d minnow that if you knew anyfin about basic marine biology.” She prods your chest with her trident, but you swat it away.

“So… wwhat, I just sit in the wwater and they heal me?”

“Shore,” What a helpful fuckin’; answer. “But it’ll take them a whale, so you better get somefin to do.”

“Uh,” you snort. “You ain’t gonna sit and wwatch me.”

“You ain’t getting rid a me, either.” She sits down on a rock, crossing her arms. “Get to it,” she waves. Fuck me … You strip and sink into the waters, watching the little shrimps quickly develop and swim to you. There’s hundreds of them!

“I’m conchestly surprised at you.” she ponders. “I didn’t think you’d be such a damn whimp. Thought you’d be a bit stronger?” You shrug. “Who the shell you even fightin’ anyway?”

“Cro.”

“ Reely? That sappy fuckhead? You can take him no problem! How is he giving you a hard time?”

“He’s uh…” You think. “He’s been gettin’ better, I guess.”

“‘ Gettin’ better ’? No, Cronus ain’t a fighter. I should know because none of the dead Cronuses were any fucking help during the fight against Lord English. None of them. So I don’t buy that for a second.”

“Wwell, that’s the truth,” You sink deeper into the water, being tickled by the light touches of the shrimp. This… is actually working. It feels nice.

“Whale, back to the main questions I asked you: I’m not the type to get all sappy and shit takin’ care of people.”

“I minnoww that, Meenah, but I didn’t ask for­­­­­―”

“Let me finish!” She scolds. “I ain’t the type to care for people. How about, just this once, I do you a favor and get someone who probably can ?”

“‘ Probably’? ”

“Do we have a deal or not?” What?

“Wwhat ‘deal’ ? I nevver agreed to any deal! Better yet, wwhat’s your deal?!” You think for a second. “Howw much were you paid to come here?”

“That’s none a your concern.” So, she was paid to check on you! You swear, if you ever see Vriska again… “Do we. Have a deal. Or nah?”

“I. Wwill be. Just. Fine.”

“Tell you what,” Oh, fucking Outer Gods, take me already . “I’ll send someone anyway. If you like them, cool. If not, not my problem.” She gets up and crouches next to you. “Now, let me sea.”

    She grabs you by the cheeks and forcefully tilts your head. She peers at your gills, one of her hands moving to poke at your neck and tease close to your gills. Her fins twitch and flutter as she thinks and looks over you elsewhere.

“Eh, You look passable,” She pats you firmly on the back.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Imma get goin’,” She gets up. “But I’ll get someone here eventually.”

“Wwhen’s ‘evventually’?”

“Whenever I feel like it, little Ampora.”

“Uh… Just Ampora is fine.”

“Yeah yeah, sea you later guppy!” She changed into her godtier attire and flutters off.

    Alone once more…

    You stay in the water, letting the shrimp wander your figure. On the bright side, if you die in here, they’ll have plenty to live off of.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

    You head inside and change into some dry clothes. You feel pretty good after your session in the “shrimp bath”, as you’ve taken to calling it, but now isn’t the time for you to relax. Now is the time to strategize. With every conflict and foe you’ve had to endure, strategy has been your shield. Clearly, fighting them hand-to-hand or with a weapon aren’t options. And you obviously aren’t going to wait this out.

    You might have to resort to an old method, but… God, you didn’t want it to come to this.

    You grab a small box and a few musty books off your bookshelf and retreat to your study. It’s time to brush up on some old spells. You don’t care which sides of the magical spectrum you have to play with. Whether you’re pleading with the Outer Gods and going Grimdark or letting the Angels take control and your Hope abilities consume you, you’re going to win this. You will come out on top.

    You’re Eridan Ampora and you will not back down from this fight. You will have your freedom again. You swear it.

Chapter Text

    For the last perigee, you have kept your nose in your texts and practice with no disturbance. You’re thankful for the time you haven’t been pestered, but you’re anticipating him any day now. Maybe even today. You don’t know, you just feel it. You’re sitting outside, looking up at the moons. It isn’t clear when he will be back or what his plans will be, but you’re here and you’re ready. You glance down at the box containing your wand, your hand tracing over your emblem carved into the lid. The only thing that you are sure of is your strategy. If you’re going to fight, you’re going to start strong, right out the gate. Why would you use weak attacks first? It’s just a waste of time and you don’t have time to waste!

    It’s been about three hours, and nothing has happened. On one hand, relief! He may not bother with you! But at the same time, you just want to be done with the inevitable. But will you ever be done? How long will this go on for?

AG: So, how did things go?
AG: Have you vanquished your foe????????
CA: vvris youre throwwin me outta focus
AG: Well, Meenah said she’s 8een trying to get in your hive and you’ve 8een ignoring her!
AG: What’s your deal?
CA: ive been preparin myself for the next visit
AG: So you practiced 8attle strategies alone?
CA: wwell
CA: yea
CA: my spells anywway
AG: Eridan, for the last time: Magic is fake!
AG: Since when have you relied on that hocus pocus to protect you?
CA: since hand to hand combat has done jack shit
AG: Which brings me back to my question: Why aren’t you fighting with someone?
CA: no one here is gonna fight me
AG: Well, o8viously.
AG: So why don’t I get someone who isn’t from here????????
CA: one a the human kids
CA: really
AG: Why not?
CA: none a them could best me in a fight
AG: I’m sure one of them can take you...
AG: Or at least handle you.
CA: that ain’t necessary
AG: Then what is?!
AG: I’m starting to get the feeling you’re doing this to yourself!
CA: i dont knoww
AG: Let me guess:
AG: You miiiiiiiiss me ;;;;)
CA: gag me
AG: Well, may8e I can find someone for that, too.
CA: i dont need anyone
AG: 8luh 8luh 8luh I’ve heard it all 8efore! 8elieve it or not, you need someone to teach you to fight and stop 8eing such a fucking wriggler! Get a hold of yourself!
CA: so wwhat youre gonna come fight for me
CA: make sure im taken care of or wwhatevver
CA: since wwhen do you care

    You’re yanked up onto your feet and slammed onto your back. Your glasses fall off of your face from the impact.

“Stay dowvn, Danny.” He stands over you. “It’ll make things a lot easier for me.” He drops to his knees and unbuckles his belt. Oh, fuck no . You struggle underneath him as he advances closer to your mouth with a gradually declining waistband. You punch him in the stomach, but your hit does nothing. You try to hook him in the jaw. He takes it like it’s nothing. He even smirks at you. It’s almost like he knows you’re so weak compared to him… and he relishes that. Why does Vriska need to be right about everything?

He grabs you by the collar to look at him. You admit that you’re in a losing battle here, but there is hope! You reach back for the box, just barely within reach. You’re so close to it! Just a little more…

“Ah ah ah, Danny boy.” He grabs your wrists and holds them down. “You wvon’t be needin’ that.” Your Hope abilities aren’t an option for you now. You have to resort to Plan B:

   Y̸̮͘a̴̢͝ ̸̗͌ ̶̗̌'̸̘̋ả̵̦ǐ̸̲ ̸̭̒t̴̬̍'̴̫͛ṯ̷̂ ̷̮͗g̷̢̐l̶̰͠ů̷̢h̷̢̆k̸̫͝l̷̹͐e̶͍̋t̸̖͐ ̸̖̚ṱ̸̂i̵̛ͅs̷̘̍ ̸̲̒ǹ̷̪n̶̫̈́n̵͚͝ğ̶̬ ̸̥̑m̴͕̋ã̸̼ ̸̮̈́j̶̠̈́h̵̛̻ŏ̴̬ ̸̢t̸̩̀'̴͈̆t̷̻͠ ̴͙̔l̴͖̇i̶͕̋’̵̢͠h̷̲̉e̷̩ë̶̞ ̸̻̚
   n̴̩̔n̷͉͆ṋ̴͠g̴̺̑ ̷̉͜i̸̞̽’̸̫͝j̶͖̅ ̷̺̎n̵̰̕ą̷f̴̥͊l̸͉͠ ̶̢n̸̠̕g̷̗̏é̵̜ ̵̫̕l̴͇͊ȇ̴̬n̶̻d̷̦̍ ̷̨̇g̷̫̚l̶̫̄u̸̟̇k̷̩̿y̶̜̆j̴̤̎h̵̼̄o̸͉̽ ̴͑͜ț̸̈ï̴̩s̶̤̆ ̶̻̓m̸̦͌a̴̜͌
   ̶̻̏ÿ̷̺́ū̸͍l̸̮k̸̠ ̶̻̔ȏ̸̟ṛ̶͊k̸̲̚l̴͈͘i̴̟̊b̵̢͂ ̷̝̒t̴͈̃a̸̡͋k̷̨͆e̵͕̍'̷̞̽t̶̳͋ ̴̘̀ḭ̷̿’̷̧͌j̸̹͆ ̴̰̌t̵̨̀î̴̝ś̶̰ ̶̬̋p̵̣̔ù̴̘t̷̘͐r̴̼͑ǐ̴̞d̴̨̂ ̴̝͒w̵̡̐ǐ̴̹ṙ̴̻g̸͙̉
   ̵̤̈́ṉ̸̏n̶̞̔ņ̴̾g̸̮͛ ̵͙͒i̸̳͐’̵̭̕j̷̛͍ ̵̮̈n̸̯̄a̷̛̗f̴̢̅l̵͇̈́ ̶̣͛n̴͈̒g̷̦̕ȅ̸ͅ ̷̤̓l̴̹̏ẻ̵̞t̷̳̓ ̴̯͝m̷̜̏ȃ̸̟ ̴̢̌f̴̱͆ṷ̴̄t̸̽ͅ ̴̹͝k̴̘̈́u̶̱͘l̸̤̕

    As you recite the incantation, your body grows cold and the thick tendrils of the Horroterrors linger around your figure. The Elderitch fog quickly grows dense and your eyes pierce through with a glowing white light. You struggle to control your body and you are overtaken by Their Power. You are now a puppet to the Outer Gods. What happens from here is now up to Them. Hopefully They answer your prayer.

    What happens next is a vague imprint in your muscle memory. He is subdued, you are back on your feet. He speaks, but you do not hear him. You think you were able to do some damage, but you don’t recall exactly what you did to him. He leaves Their grip briefly, but is quickly recovered. Again he speaks, and again nothing is heard.

    That is, until he speaks your language:

   j̸̩͌̀h̸̨̙͐ő̶̲͓̈́ ̸̭̻̃̆f̶̡͙̔i̶͔̐͛b̸̞͉̃’̸̡̰̓t̸̞͉̀̿h̸̨͓͌ ̴̛̱̬‘̵͎̿ͅb̵̬̠̍̔ṫ̴͓h̶̨͑̓n̶͙͇͂k̶̤̤̄ ̷̮͗t̵̹̤̉'̶͚͉̅t̶̝̻͐ ̸̢̬̆̃k̵̪̜͂l̴̬̖̈ȇ̵̮t̵̻̣̓ ̵͇̦̊ģ̵̢̛͂o̸̝̖̾h̵͈̋ľ̴̯͐ù̸̱̊y̴͚͂n̴̩̣̾̃g̶̰̝̈́ ̶̬̮͛̈́b̵̧̝̅u̷̥͓̅̈́g̸̿̏ͅ ̷̯̦̍
    ̴̣̓̐t̵̰͋̂i̶̧̚s̸̳̒͝ ̷̘̤̓̅m̶̜̮̏̃a̴̟̞̅̚ ̷̼̝̈́j̶̖̬̉̅ä̷̞̅l̶͉͂ṳ̷͋̓ ̶̼͔͠n̵̛̜̅o̴̯͊g̷̯̐ ̷̬̠̿̚ĝ̶̆͜ī̴̡̖s̵̻͋͋ ̷͙̞̎j̶̲̇͘ȁ̴̘́l̸̤͊̊ȕ̴̢ ̷̖̔̋k̵͆̃͜u̶̯̲͆̈́l̴͈͓ ̸͓̊̄t̷̩'̸̢͓͊t̶͚̎ ̶̣̽̆k̸̬̂l̴̹̬͝ë̴͇̜͝t̷̳̿
   ̸̹̾y̵̞̲̾a̸̰͋ ̶̠̣͊͂ ̷̝͝ȯ̵̺̋t̷̛͕̿ǒ̵̱̓t̸͕͚͝ ̵͚̘̎t̸̳͙̓'̶̭͍͂t̸͖̗̄ ̸̼͔̐̈g̷̝̠͛̓l̴̞͊̔u̵͎̇k̷̙ẙ̷̘̑j̶̢̤̅͊h̵̨̥̽͒o̶̜̲̎̇ ̶̠͠n̸͚̂g̸̠͗̇e̷̛̮̳͌ ̵̳̓̀o̸̲͗̓͜ṭ̷͋ö̷̫͖́t̸͖̭̓̑ ̸̜̱̐ĵ̵̱̾ḣ̴̫́o̴̭̔̏ ̴̞̒j̶̗̓a̷͓̓̇ḽ̶̕u̴͔͊͜
    ̵͇̞̎t̶̺̲͛͗i̶͇̤̓̅s̷̨͗̂ ̷̟̂̎m̸̖̊̎a̴̹̲̋̅ ̶̙͓̎͛j̴̨̅̂á̷͝ͅl̷͓̅ü̸͇̪ ̸͕̫̑̐n̸̻̥͒͠ǒ̶͖̽g̷̻̎ ̶̨͋̽ţ̵͈̕'̵̢͓͛͌t̶̡̘̆ ̷̥̿k̶̜̍l̴̝̐͌e̷̛̖̓t̸̙̳͋ ̴̧̟̇͝g̷̾͜o̸͉̺̔̕h̶̯̻͛ḷ̵͜͠ȗ̵͚y̴̧͛n̶̢͆͗ǵ̵̠͗ ̴̬̌b̷̡̘͒ū̵͈͛g̶͕̅

    With this, your power is stripped and you are brought to your knees. It’s been so long since you’ve been objected like that, you forgot what it does to you. You feel so spent, you can no longer defend yourself, even if you were able to somehow get your wand.

“You honestly don’t think I don’t knowv the Defensive Incantation?” He kicks you onto your back, this time holding you down with his foot. “Wvho do you think took care of Beforus vwhen the Heiress flevw off planet?” He grinds his foot into your chestplate. “All the fuckin’ vwork I did vwith no appreciation. You and I ain’t so different, Danny boy.” He winks.

“I... am nothin’  like you.”

“Ah, can it. Seriously, I gotta talk to you about somethin’.”

“Fuck off.” You spit back at him.

“Not evwen gonna listen to vwhat I hawve to say?”

“You havve nothin’ wworthwwhile for me to listen to.”

“Really?” He crouches closer, more pressure on the foot on your chest. “Not evwen… A bargain?” You squint in suspicion as he lights his cigarette…

“You ain’t Cro.” His fins perk with a quirk of a brow.

“And vwhat makes you say that, babe?”

“Because I knoww you don’t smoke. Of all the bullshit you’vve prattled on about wwith this ‘humankin’ garbage you’re doin’, you wwould nevver wwaste ‘a perfectly good human cigarette’.” He looks at his cigarette, then back to you. “You’re so full a shit. Wwhy the fuck wwould I bargain wwith you, especially since I knoww you ain’t you!” You get a bit overly cocky and let out a smug chuckle. You’ve cracked this case wide open. Now you kinda understand why Pyrope loves doing this kind of thing so much.

“I’ll make this simple for you, then:” He blows a thick drag into your face. Gross . You try to cough, but it’s hard with all of this weight on you. “Either you comply… or the Grand Highblood vwill make your horns the newvest decoration on his mirthful throne.” Not the most intimidating threat you’ve gotten, but you know he means business. “Nowv, shut the fuck up and hear me out.”

Do I have a choice at this point?

“So, I’m sure you’re awvare that you’vwe stepped outta line.” You open your mouth to interject. “Don’t interrupt me.” Okay, nevermind then. “Anyvway, youwv’e stepped outta line. You’vwe forgotten your place in the aristocracy. As vwell as your duties as a vwioletblood. I vwas like you once, you knowv? But bein’ wvho I vwas didn’t do me any favwors. I vwas lonely vwith no friends and the most empty quadrants on Abridgtous. I was just a sad, pathetic excuse for an Orphaner… just like you!” Asshole . “So, I used one a my spells to conjure connections vwith His Mirthfulness and after a stupidly long initiation program, I can get vwatevwer I vwant.”

“And wwhat is it that you wwant, exactly?”

“Ain’t it obvwious?” His fins flicker at you in flirtation. “I vwant you .” Ew… “But I can see you ain’t interested. So, if I can’t havwe you as a lovwer, maybe I can havwe you as a partner.”

“So you wwant me to be a fuckin’ creep and start feelin’ up on anyone I feel owwes it to me, huh?”

“Oh, it’s so much more than that!” He sits on your chest. “You can choose wvhoevwer the fuck you vwant! Really put them in their place! That rush of powver, the pleasure of it all! I knowv you miss it as much as I did.” You get no time to respond. “That’s vwhy I’vwe had to keep you vwaitin’, babe. I had to negotiate this mentorship program just for you! Custom tailored to exactly vwhat you need to knowv to be one of us!”

“And howw long is this supposed to take?” You’re starting to fidget, both out of discomfort and impatience.

“Howvervwer long it needs to.” You roll your eyes. “So, do vwe havwe a deal?” You just glare up at him, but after a brief moment, he laughs and shrugs it off. “I get it, it’s a lot to take in. I bet this is the most anyone has offered you and it’s owvervwhelming.”His hands rest on his hips. “No problem! I can giwve you time to think on it.”

“Howw genero—”

    You choke out the last word as Cronus’s bulge gets stuffed down your throat. You’re still weak from the Prayer Cancellation, so there’s little to no fight on this. Just the occasional gag. You just lie there and let him have his way with you. You’re growing tired as he continues to fuck your face, his hands gripping into your hair like he’s going to pull it out. You start to tear up, struggling to breathe and failing attempts to reflexively swallow. Several minutes pass before he pumps your face with his material. Afterwards, he gets up and kicks you onto your side as you try to hack it back up to no avail.

“Think on it. I’ll be back another time to ask again.”

    He disappears, leaving you gasping and struggling in the sand. You roll back over and look up to your box. You finally grab it and hold it close as you fade out of consciousness.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎    -

    Hours pass before you’re kicked again. You know that foot anywhere.

“Hey, get up!”

“You knoww, for someone wwho doesn’t givve a shit, you sure do seem to wwant to help me a lot. Wwhat’s your deal, Serket?”

“I thought I already told you meddling is my job!” She throws your cloak at you. “ So, I can see that you totally lost that fight. What do you plan to do about it?”

“Wwell, he made a proposition—”

“And you’re going to take up that slimebag’s offer?” She sits down on a nearby boulder. “No backup plan, no escape strategy, no skepticism? Just fully on board with his perverse methods and ideology?”

“Wwhat other choice do I havve?”

“Literally any of the things I listed!” She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “It’s like you’re not even trying to stop him. Do you want this? Because if you do, I can just go and let this trainwreck be what it is.”

“Okay, then there’s nothin’ to—”

“Fuck, you know I can’t do that.” She smiles. “I love fucking with you too much!”

“I knoww.” You groan.

“So, first thing’s first: You need to get stronger.” She gets up and swipes your glasses, putting them on.

“Hey!”

“Lucky for you, I know someone that might be able to help you… Let’s see here...”

“Vvris, I really don’t think this is necessary.”

“You don’t think that, but I know it is.” She crouches down and smacks them back onto your face. “Here, talk.” You pull your glasses down and look up at her quizzically. “You know, bluh bluh bluh, say something .” She gestures for you to put your glasses back on. You sigh and comply.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling golgothasTerror [GT]

CA: hey english i wwas told to ask you about fightin lessons
GT: Well hello! I dont think ive had the pleasure of being introduced, but you seem to know me already. Who do i have the pleasure of making an acquaintance with?
CA: uh
CA: eridan
CA: eridan ampora
GT: Delighted to meet you! So youre looking to be a better brawler, eh?
CA: im outta practice
GT: Nothing to worry on, chap, i can be there in two shakes. Where about are you located?
CA: abridgtous
GT: Golly, all the way out there?
CA: yea
CA: i could really use the help
GT: Well, i can sympathize! I dont know what would come of me if i wasnt able to brawl with proper gusto! How would i survive any of the adventures i have taken up on conquering as of late?
CA: uh huh
CA: right
CA: so wwhats the plan then
GT: It will take me a touch longer to reach you, but fret not that i will arrive to help you refine your techniques.
CA: okay great
GT: Oh, but there is one more thing i must ask of you friend.
GT: Would it bother you so terribly if i brought one of my good friends along for this journey? He’s quite the fighter himself. I even practice with him on the occasion.
CA: sure i guess
GT: Splendiferous! Until then, my mysterious comrade, prepare yourself!

golgothasTerror [GT] has ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

“Okay, there. He’ll be here evventually.” You turn your glasses off. “Are wwe done here?”

“For now.” She gets up to leave, but you stop her just as she spreads her wings.

“Wwait! I still don’t get wwhy you’re doin’ this for me. Wwhy are you helpin’ me?” She groans and turns back to you.

“You want the truth? Fine, but I’m only going to say this once, so you better stop fucking asking me after this. And you better not tell anyone I said it, got it?” You nod. She sighs and helps you up. “So, during the game, there was a sweep of time where I couldn’t do much of anything until we got to the new session. I was stuck on a ship floating in the vast space of fuckall nowhere and I couldn’t help but thinking about how much you would’ve enjoyed being on that ship with us, ‘sailing’ through that vast unknown like we used to. I remember who you used to be, Eridan. You used to be the greatly feared and respected Head Orphaner on our planet. You were the very last one and you did the work of, like, eight Orphaners at once. You struck fear into the pump biscuits of everyone on our planet. It was incredible! I hated you so much for it because I knew I could do better than you… and I did , by the way. That’s actually how I got a dislike for you. But ever since then, you’ve let yourself go from being a prideful culler to this punk kissass that tried to please everyone in fear of them leaving you. And that’s exactly what happened: everyone left you and then you died until we finished the game and I nagged at Feferi to revive you with everyone else. I want the old you back. I want that snarky prick of a Captain back so I can sink your ship without you crying over it! To this day, I still don’t know why you were so afraid of what everyone thought of you or why you were so afraid of being alone, because who cares what anyone else thinks, right? You’re Eridan Ampora! You used to take such pride in that and now… I can’t hate you anymore because you’re just… so sad now.” She rests a hand on your shoulder. “I want to help you get through this, but I’m not going to hold your hand. I’m giving you the tools to improve because you need them and I know you won’t be able to get those tools yourself. You’re going to beat this because I know, somewhere deep down, you’re still the shallow, flamboyant, self-entitled fish prick that I fell in loathe with so many sweeps ago. And if he doesn’t come back, I will force my hand down your throat and make him come out myself because this sobbing wriggler crap is the most annoying shit I’ve ever had to endure from you.” She punches you in the shoulder. “So, I don’t want your thanks or gratitude or anything when this is all done. I don’t even want your money. But you will owe me.”

    And she just flies away on that ominous threat. Alright, whatever, be like that then. But, now that you’re thinking about it, of course she’s right. When is she ever not right? You need to get ready for these guests that are supposedly coming to bring the beatdown. That is, if they know where to go, you didn’t really give them instructions…

Chapter Text

    A few hours pass before you see the two humans make their way down to your hive. Seeing everyone fly like this kinda bums you out since you never went godtier. Maybe if you had, you would’ve been stronger than your dancestor and been able to take him down. But it’s much too late now. Now, you have to work up your own natural ability.

“About time.” You call out.

“I know, the travel here was positively abhorrent! Again, I do offer my humblest apologies.” He strolls up to you, his blonde-haired accomplice in tow. “I never got to properly introduce myself:” He offers you his hand, flashing a smile at you. You offer your hand as he shakes it vigorously. You briefly lose footing. “The name’s Jake English! Pleasure to make your acquaintance in person!” This kid has one hell of a grip . Dude, let go. “So, Mr. Ampora, I’m correct we’ll be engaging in fisticuffs today, right?”

“Uh, Eridan’s fine. And yeah, I need to start wworkin’ on m—”

He jerks your hand forward and socks you in the gut. The air gets knocked out of you as your knees buckle, but he holds you up.

“Let that be your first lesson, Mr. Eridan: in the presence of a potential threat, you have to be on your toes, ready at any moment!”

“Noted.” You breathe. “Howw did you—”

“Oh, right. That spunky blue beauty of a friend you have filled me in on your grim situation.” Gross. “I’ve come up with a superb learning plan to improve your fighting strategy.”

“So you just fuckin’ punch me outta nowwhere?”

“I was also made aware of the gravity of your situation. Life-or-death fighting isn’t like a casual spar. You have to put everything forward, you know.” No shit . “Otherwise, you’re letting yourself fall into the pit of your own demise!”

“Believve me, I’vve been in plenty a life-an-death situations.”

“Is that right!” He beams. “Tell me how those ventures fared?”

“I wwas fightin’ lusii ten times my size wwith my bare hands.”You stand upright. He still hasn’t let go of your hand. “Made a livvin’ outta that. I wwas one a the best!”

“So have I!” He grips tighter. You’re going to break it . “They do make for great sparring partners, those wicked beasts can put up a fight!”

“So wwhat?”

“So there! Come at me with all you’ve got, no holding back! Just like those creatures you’ve conquered.”

    He finally lets go, forcibly pushing you across the shore. Meanwhile the prick behind him just sits on a nearby rock and spectates. He bounces on his feet in a fighting stance, trying to look serious and suppress his smile. Just like when I was an Orphaner, huh? You shrug before you charge him, baring your teeth, ready to swipe him—

    He grabs your wrist and pulls you down into the sand. That’s 2 for 2.

“Well, that was awfully predictable.” He shakes his head at you.

“Wwhat do you wwant from me, English?” You sit up, spitting the sand out of your mouth. “I gavve you wwhat you asked for.”

“That’s true, but I think I understand what your problem is.” He crouches next to you. “Tell me honestly: how long has it been since you’ve engaged with a non-feral opponent without the aid of weaponry or tricks?” You don’t answer. “I see.” He decides to sit down next to you.

“I get it, you wwere probably expectin’ more of a fight.”

“Oh, that’s not the problem, I can assure you on that.” He pats you firmly on the back. You cough up more sand. “The problem is, perhaps, an underestimation of your opponents?”

“Bullshit, I don’t underesti—”

    Jake grips your arms and holds them behind your back and shoves you face down into the sand. You struggle to look up, coming face to face with the other human pointing a sword at your face, barely grazing your nose. You try to struggle, with no luck.

“Mr. Eridan, I still don’t think you’re getting it: if this were the real deal, I can guarantee one-hundred percent that you’d be filleted for the victors.” He lets go, but his cohort is still focused on you. You stay where you are. “You need to put this ego aside if you want any hopes of defeating these tormentors of yours.”

“So, you ‘knoww about my situation’, huh?”

“I can’t say I was given a thorough description on it, no.”

“These guys are… impossible to predict. They just appear wwhenevver they feel like and I get no time to react.”

“All the more reason to remain vigilant!” He nudges your side with the toe of his cleat. It isn’t until now that his friend scofs, withdrawing his blade.

“Jake, that’s not going to matter. He’s going to need more help than just learning a few good right hooks.”  

“What are you getting at, Dirk?”

“I’m saying that it doesn’t matter how strong you make him or how ‘vigilant’ you tell him to be.” He grabs you by the back of your shirt and stands you on your feet. He keeps his sword in hand, as if using it like a pointer. “He’s slouched and withdrawn. Poor stance, no focus, I doubt he’s had anything to eat lately because of these douche-phantoms or whatever.” Jake nods in agreement. “He’s gotta be in the right headspace, and I doubt he’s got any balls left in his weird alien setup to make him withstand another fight. What good is his strategy if he has no reason to keep fighting? He’s going to just give up… If he hasn’t already.” Who the fuck is this prick?

“Your feedback is much appreciated, Dirk!” He looks back to you. “He does have a point.”

“I can see that.” He gestures the sword away, which Dirk reluctantly obliges to. “So my spirits are dowwn, wwhatevver. I can figure this out, I don’t need anybody.” He shakes his head at you.

“Mr. Eridan, You are quite the conundrum! If you don’t need the help, why did your ladyfriend ask me to come here?” Because she likes to meddle . “I can’t say I’ve known you for long, but you’ve made it quite clear that you are in need of outside help. So, I suggest that be your main focus, and I wish you the best of luck.”

“Wwait, you’re just going to leavve? Just like that?” They exchange glances before returning focus to you. “I thought you wwere gonna teach me howw to fight!”

“Quit being a sniveling little bitch and grow whatever you guys call a pair first.”

“Dirk!” He gives him a shove. “But he’s right. There’s no sport in sprawling someone that won’t put up their dukes with fervor! Until then!”

    Fucking great. More people showing up, beating you up, and standing you up. Just what you needed today. Why bother asking anyone for help? They don't’ seem to really care about anyone but themselves. This is such shit. Your glasses go dark.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

GT: I do apologize for the abrupt leave, but i hope you come to understand why i couldnt stay.
GT: But dont fret!
GT: I told your friend everything. She said shes going to send someone she feels that she thinks is best to help you with your emotional journey!
GT: And to tell you he should be there any minute. Sounds like hes quite a stellar chap so im sure youre in great hands!
GT: Cheers!

golgothasTerror [GT] has ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

    Fuck sinking, your heart just died in your chest.

How could she do this to me?! Of all people, she can not send Karkat here. She better not send him, he cannot be around all of this. You panic and book it up the ladder to the deck of your hive. Your heart is pounding, your mouth has gone dry, you’re on the brink of tears. Your vision is starting to get hazy and you start to tremble. What is he going to do? Is he still angry at you for what happened in SGRUB? He’s going to fucking murder you and, at this point, you welcome the idea. You’re about to jump onto to deck and run into your hive to hide…

    You hear footsteps on board.

Cull me. Just fucking cull me.

    You peek over the edge and see the nubby horns and less than kempt hair. It couldn’t be anyone else. Luckily, he hasn’t turned to see you, his focus on the door. You take a deep breath… and prepare yourself for the worse. You climb up on deck.

“Uh… Hey.” You keep your focus on the floor. No quirk for this, give it to him straight. He deserves as much. “I’m… sorry about all of this. I don’t know why she brought you here to deal with me, but she’s been extra meddlesome lately, you know? Frankly, I’m starting to wonder if she cares or if she’s just trying to fuck with me. Look, if you want to leave, I understand. I’ll take you back to your hive, it’s not an issue. As a matter of fact, if you leave right now, I can get you back before sunrise, no problem. Just say the word and you’ll never have to speak to me again. And… if I do end up going against my word, I’ll… I’ll let you cull me however you see fit. I swear it, I swear on my pathetic life. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it.”

    At first, he gives you no answer, but you see feet in front of you… connected to… black leather pants? Karkat doesn’t wear leather… at least not that you recall. You look up and find he’s also sporting a bright red sweater. Definitely not something he would wear. Relief washes over you: it’s just his dancestor.

“Excuse me, but I think you have me confused for someone else. Were you expecting another guest?” You’re at a loss of what to say. “Because if that’s the case, I certainly don’t want to impede in your schedule. I must have been given the wrong location, but this is when and where I was told to be for an extensive lecture on internal prowess and emotional intelligence.” He looks up at your horns. “I’m going to assume you’re Cronus’s dancestor?” He sighs with minor annoyance. “Well, I suppose I don’t have much of a choice. My work is never done, is it?” He opens your front door. “Well, come on, we have a lot to go over.”

    What the fuck is even happening anymore.

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

    You stand in the walkway of your kitchen, watching your guest empty his sylladex on the table. Books, scrolls, you even see a few videos? Did he plan a whole lecture for you in the five minutes it fucking took him to get here?! It’s almost like he just carries this shit on hand just in case the occasion arises. He carries himself very calm, collected, precise. It’s very rehearsed, all of his educating material placed just so.

“So, howw did you evven get here?” You probe. “You wwere pretty quick to showw up. Did Vvris drop you off?”

“I was able to get here on my own accord.” He responds. “Unlike you , I was able to reach God Tier in my session. Not that I much cared for the special abilities, but flight is more than convenient.” He’s quick to correct himself. “Not that I’m implying that you yourself weren’t able to gain that ability, as I shouldn’t have assumed if that was the case. I don’t want to come off as though I’m more entitled to this power than you, and if I did offend you, I do apologize.”

    The fuck?

“Uh, it’s fine.” You give him a quizzical look, relaxing your posture. “My lusus can fly, so that power’s lost its glamour.”

“I see,” He nods. “Well, I’m glad to hear that.” He picks up a stack of papers,  his fingers quickly flipping through for specific articles. “You know, at this point, hosts usually offer a beverage to their guests.” He looks back up at you through his brows.

“Did… did you wwant somethin’ to—”

“Nevermind,” he sighs. “I keep forgetting you’re an Ampora.”

“Excuse me?” You cross your arms, stepping closer.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you. “Well, it’s not as though you know better. And I don’t mean that in an insulting way, moreso as a state of fact.” He shrugs. “You’re a violetblood: you’ve been raised with this strong sense of entitlement and a high position in the hemospectrum to reinforce it. You wouldn’t understand how to be hospitable or cordial. The only thing you understand is taking what is yours, regardless of what it takes.”

“Yeah?” You flash a snide grin. “Is that what you think?”

“Of course. Why else would you be the way you are?”

    He watches you, expecting an answer, but your grin fades when you find you’re unable to provide one. He crosses his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. You don’t know what his deal is, but he is definitely a whole different breed of Vantas. It’s… quite intimidating. Neither of you speak until he looks away in disappointment.

“Well, I can see why your distasteful Serket called me here.” He scoffs. “But we’re going to fix that.” You change your mind. This is different in a bad way.

“Hey, wwho the fuck said anythin’ about—”

“And that’s another thing,” he chides. “Please do not swear. It’s quite unnecessary.”

“Do not tell me wwhat to do, Vvantas.” Your fist slams firmly on the stack of books.

“There’s no need to get aggressive.”

“No! That’s enough!” You glare at him as you advance towards him. “You’vve been here like twwo minutes and I’m already sick of you! You can’t just showw up to my hivve and tell me wwhat to do. You havve no right to tell me howw to talk or wwhat I need to do for you or anythin’ else and claimin’ I ‘need to be fixed’.” You have him against the wall now. “And frankly , Your Stuffiness, you ain’t exactly picture perfect either. Last I recall, wwhen someone invvites themselvves into your hivve to shovve their little lessons dowwn your throat, they at least havve the decency to givve their fuckin’ name first!”

    You glare down at the troll, expecting an answer. This time he falls speechless.

“So, wwhat, all that lip flappin’ before and noww you say nothin’? Answer me! ” you slam your fist against the wall just above his head. He jumps slightly before looking at you.

“This… this is what I was afraid of.”

“Wwhat do you…”You trail off when you catch a glimpse of Cronus just out the window, just standing there… watching… smiling at you with that arrogant, mad grin. You double take, and he’s gone. Your arm withdraws from your guest and you step back.

    Does he know?   

“I was warned you were going to be like this.” He withdraws a small staff from his sylladex. “Luckily I was given something to defend myself with.”

“Wwait, wwho wwarned you about wwha—”

    What follows is a very conflicting feeling of needing to sneeze, cough, and laugh. The noise you make is awkward and obnoxious, like a young honkbird calling for its guardian. You squirm and jump away from him, quickly putting your scarf back on. You look down at the offending weapon: a feather.

“Don’t fuckin’ do that.”

“Ask nicely.” He shoots back. You squint at him, but he glares right back. Such big demands from someone who hardly knows you. Regardless, you know how people like him work and how to get on their level. Alright, I can play your game .

“Wwell, howw can you expect me to do that wwhen I can’t evven address you correctly?”

“Wait,” He blinks, lowering the feather. “I haven’t told you my name yet?”

“That’s wwhat I’ve been tellin’ you.” You roll your eyes.

“Well, normally I would be inclined to agree with you,” As you should be . “But, given the current hostility of the situation, I don’t think it would be in my best interest to do so.” You fucker .

“So, wwhat, is this just gonna be an anonymous tutorin’ session or somethin’?”

“You could say that.” He walks past you to the couch. “And if these lessons go well and you learn to control yourself… maybe you’ll come to know more about me.”

“You know this ain’t a game for me, right?” You follow him, your hands gripping the back of the couch. “I can’t start fightin’ until you do wwhatevver you havve that’s gonna help me. I need this. I need to defend myself.”

“I was made aware.” He folds his hands on his lap. “And I know that you were also told that you cannot fight for something you don’t believe in. If this means that much to you, and I’m sure it does, you and I are going to sit down and review everything that we need to go get you where you need to be mentally so you can get to where you need to be physically.”

“...And then?”

“With any luck, that will be the end of it. You’ll get what you want and you’ll never have to see me again.” No nonsense, so long as you keep it together. No catch, no debt, no strings attached. Not a bad deal, right?  Fuck it, you’ve dealt with worse than this, you can do this no problem.

“Alright, Vvantas. Let’s get this ovver wwith.”

“Good to hear.” He passes you a small book, taking a similar one for himself. “In that case,” He withdraws a pen, clicking it. “let’s get started with the basics.”

Chapter Text

    Your eyes have glazed over and his words are blending into one another. He has been talking. For thirty fucking minutes. You don’t know why he made such a big ordeal over the drink thing before, you doubt he’s even taken a break to breathe, let alone drink something. He has books strewn about the room, opened to various points, readily available for him to just pick up and thrust random diagrams at you. What is the point of this lecture, exactly? Does he just like hearing himself talk? He gave you this little notebook for you to write down your ‘innermost thoughts and fears’. But why, though? You don’t know what kind of wriggler garbage he’s trying you feed you here, all this talk of admitting faults and being vulnerable to better yourself. How is this going to make you a better fighter? 

“Hey, VVantas, howw about a break?” He glances over to you.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t written anything down in your journal.”

“Yep.”

“Would you like to elaborate on why?”

“Wwould you like to elaborate on wwhy it matters?”

“I have been!” He crosses his arms, glaring at you. “I’m trying not to get so cross with you, I’m really not, but you’ve been making it quite difficult for me to offer my help.” 

“So this book then,” you flip open your book to a random blank page. “This journal or wwhatevver.” You shake your head and pull your hair slightly in frustration. “You wwant me to just… pour myself out to you? Just like that, huh? Make me the open book you wwant me to be so bad?” You look back up at him, but he is indifferent to your plight. “So you can fix me?” You throw the despicable thing to the floor and stand. “Wwell, ain’t that all Wwell an good for you , right? Wwhat benefits do I get to reap?” You start yelling, exaggerating your gestures and movements as you get more angry. “You get to havve your fun and then wwhat? You leavve and I’m stuck here, still strugglin’ and still in no better shape to take care a myself.” Your anger is quick to boil over with tears. “Wwhy wwould I let you in wwhen you just see me as some garbage seadwweller? Someone less than you? Is this just fun for you? For you to just force yourself onto others to make you feel good about yourself?”

He calmly walks over and picks up your book. 

“I didn’t mean to trigger you, honestly. I apologize for that much.” You glare at him and his vacant, objective gaze. “It wasn’t my intention to make you feel like a lesser troll, but y—“

“See? That, right there. You don’t need to talk dowwn to me or explain your shitty attitude to me. Just stop at the apology and leave it at that.” 

He looks… uncomfortable with that answer. As if that’s the first time someone’s said that to him. He takes a deep breath, holding the book closer. 

“I really am sorry for upsetting you with my inconsiderate remarks of your character.” He cautions a step closer to you. “It… I was wrong to compare you to Cronus in that way. I was very callous to do so.” 

“Okay.” 

The room is very quiet after that. Why did Vriska call him here? You don’t know him, how does she? Is this just a joke? 

You’re interrupted with him offering you the book again. 

“If I may, I would like to discuss the true intention of this journal?”

“I…” You motion to take the book back, but just push it away. “I wwould prefer a name.”

“And I thought I was clear that I wasn’t ready yet.”

“Wwell, put it this wway: if I don’t get a name, I don’t givve you my time.” 

“I see.” He tosses the book onto the couch. “I’m going to get myself a drink.”

You decide to head to the study. 

“ Finally , I vwas wvonderin’ if you’d stop for a break.”

“ Get the fuck out .” You snap, but he only chuckles as he stands to greet you and aggressively pulls you into his hold. 

“Come on, babe, I miss you! Thought maybe vwe could hawve some fun.” 

“ Get offa me. ”

You hear your guest call for you in response to the noise, but Cronus is quick to stifle you. 

“Come on, it’ll be quick. And besides,” A hand creeps down your torso. “You mean to tell me you’d rather be gettin’ that shitty lecture from little Kranki Kankri instead a havwin’ fun vwith me?” 

You make every attempt you can to punch, kick, even bite Cronus away. You were even able to get him to stagger into the bookshelf. Several books fall to the floor and you both fall after. Your teeth sink into his arm and you clamp on hard as you can as he yells. 

“Fuckin’ prick!” You’re punched hard in the temple. Out cold. 

 -     ♒︎     ♒︎    ♒︎     -

You awake in a daze, still in your study. Your body aches, there’s blood on the floor, and you’ve been stripped naked and bound tight in black manila ropes, hands and feet behind your back. Every struggle you make to free yourself has the ropes rubbing and cutting into you. You can’t stand the pain, but you need to be free of this. You can’t help but wonder where the loudmouth went. 

“Hello?” You call out. Your lusus floats past the doorway, indifferent to your predicament. Why am I not surprised? “Is anyone still here?” 

“Are you referring to me?” He’s still here! 

“Hey, I need help.” 

“And why should I bother?” You groan with this reply. 

“ Please can you come help? I'm in a predicament I can’t get myself out of.” You hear a sigh followed by footsteps. 

“I’m glad to see you’ve grown to be more considerate of — what are you doing!? ” He’s quick to shield his eyes. Wish I could do the same. 

“Listen, I can explain.”

“What are you trying to do here? Is this some form of an attempt to gain a concupiscent response from me?”

“I’m not doin’ anythin’ on purpose, I swwear!”

“Because I don’t think this is a kind of behavior I can condone!” 

“No, please Kankri, wait!” He stops. 

“How… how do you know my name? I don’t recall telling you.” 

“I already told you, I can explain. But I need help gettin’ out of this.” 

“I want a name!” He scolds. “I still don’t understand how you got mine, but I feel it’s dually unfair of you to not only know it, but also refuse to tell me who you are.” You roll onto your side, trying to get up on your own. 

“Eridan.” You yelp as the rope scratches at your gills. “My name... is Eridan Ampora. And I really need your help, Kankri Vantas.” This doesn’t seem to move him. “I promise there’s a good explanation to all of this.” He’s thinking about it. “But I need you to untie me.” He sighs in defeat and kneels beside you.

“Whatever the reason, I know it won’t be good enough to explain the nudity.” He begins to pull at the knots at your wrists. “So, go on then. Tell me what reason you have for this shameless display.”

“I don’t knoww the best way to put it.” 

“I’m going to assume this is a more triggering topic?”

“Yeah…” you hear him take a nasally sigh. 

“Go ahead and tell me. I will do my best with this information.” 

“Alright, wwell… I don’t knoww wwhy it’s happenin’, but Cro has been vvery… aggressivve lately.”

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same Cronus? Because I don’t ever recall him doing anything like this .” He gets a wrist free. “I apologize if I made the wounds worse, but you do appear to be bleeding quite heavily. I’m surprised you’re still coherent.” 

“Thanks?” You open and close your hand slowly. “But he’s been like this for a perigee or twwo. Somethin’ about getting’ me to act the wway he wwants.” 

“And he thinks antagonistic sexual deviance is the way to accomplish this?” 

“Apparently.” He frees your other hand. 

“And this is why I’m here?”

“You’re here because Vvris is meddlin’ in my business and she thinks you can help me.” You sit upright and start working on the knots around your ankles. “Thanks, by the wway.” 

“Well, I’m flattered your friends care enough to get you outside help.” 

“Yeah, friends.” You force a laugh. “That’s a wword.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.”

“Hey, you don’t havve to apologize so much, you knoww.”

“I just wasn’t sure if I triggered—”

“You didn’t. And quit actin’ like anythin’ you say is goin’ to. I’vve had a vvery demandin’ life. I can handle it.” Finally free of the rope, you toss it aside and proceed to the bathroom, fetching a robe from the closet. 

“I never said you couldn’t.” He responds, walking past you to the sink. 

“You’re from Beforus, right?” He nods. “I’m sure you’vve been told howw oppressivve Alternia’s society wwas, right?” 

“I’ve heard of it, but nothing in detail.” He follows you out and upstairs. “I’d certainly like to find out sometime.” You stop just short of your room. 

“You knoww, I havve catalogs of most of Alternia’s history. Maybe, in exchange for your help, I can tell you about it?”

“That doesn’t seem like a fair trade for someone who’s such a stubborn pupil, let alone someone who exposed themselves to someone they hardly know. It’s not exactly a good first impression.”

“That’s fair, I understa—”

“But, it would be a nice start.” You think you see a smile. 

“Yeah, it wwould.” You head into your room, closing the door. “I’ll see you dowwnstairs. And, Kankri?” He stops at the stairs. You glance at him through the crack of the door. “Howw about wwe start the journals together?” He beams. 

“I’ll make some tea.” 

You close the door. You don’t think this is going to do much to help you, but if Kankri has room to improve, you think you can, too. You’re ready to take those first steps to being a better self. And for once, you have someone to take that journey with.

Chapter Text

“So, howw does this journal thing wwork?” You walk around the couch and take your tea, sitting across the room. 

“This ‘journal thing’ is supposed to function as a supplement to therapy. But, from what I was made aware of, you don’t have a therapist or anyone to console in. Am I correct to assume that’s why I’m here? Because your Serket thought I’d be a good console for you?” You know Vriska and Meenah brought him here as a joke, but you don’t want to tell him that. 

“Uh… maybe? They didn’t really say wwhy , let alone wwho.”

“I see. Well, at any case, I’m flattered that I was considered.” He opens his little book and you do the same. “As I was saying before, this type of therapy is supposed to help you seek internal clarity and help process problematic events from the past. We write every few days and discuss what we wrote.” 

“Easy enough.”

“I knew you’d come around.” He drops a few sugar cubes in his cup and takes a sip. You can’t help wrinkling your nose at this. That was too much sugar. Way too much. “So, I thought as a starting exercise, and as a way for me to better understand your situation, I think we should start with a list.”

“Of…?”

“How about a list of triggering topics so tha—”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t havve any.” He leans forward, skeptical.

“I don’t mean to pry,”

“Stop apologizin’.”

“But you’re telling me that you have no triggers? No problematic people, no traumatizing events, no toxic relationships?” Well when you put it that way…

      He watches you write for a moment before he writes his own list. A few minutes pass before you look over your list: 

• Lusus

• Feferi

• Orphaner Life

• LOWAA

• White Magics

• Revival

      You think that’s more than enough to work with. 

“Are you ready?” He nods. You get up and join him on the couch, offering your book. He closes his book and trades. What do you have? 

• Empress

• Social dynamic 

• SGRUB

• Celibacy Vow

      He doesn’t have a lot to talk about, does he? 

“Oh, this was more than I was anticipating.”

“ You asked, so this is wwhat you got.”

“No no, that’s okay. I’d prefer you were upforward about things like this.” He passes back the book and nibbles his pen, thinking. “Alright, where do you want to start?”

“I don’t care; you’re the expert.” 

“Hmm… why don’t we start with the most recent event?” 

“My revvivval.” He nods, gesturing to the journal. You turn the page and scrawl about recent events and the torment you’ve endured. “Hey, this is gonna be a lot, so…” you pass it back. “Yeah…”

      Not even a minute passes before he covers his mouth, mortified at your story. 

“Perhaps I should’ve asked what this would entail.” 

“Yeah, it’s a lot to digest.” 

“And you said you have no idea why they’re doing this?”

“Kinda? Somethin’ about ‘actin’ my caste’. Wwhich, by his definition, is to be oppressivve and domineerin’ to get trolls in my quadrants.”

      You both stay quiet, drinking your tea. You see your lusus peeking around the corner from the stairs. He snorts at you in disdain and leaves. You take your book back and circle him in your journal. 

“Is that your lusus?”

“Yeah.” You sigh. 

“A skyhorse, just like Cronus.” No surprise. “So, are Alternian lusii supposed to be callous and indifferent to their trolls, or it is specifically for seadweller lusii?”

“Kankri.” You set your tea down. “Exactly howw the fuck do you wwant me to respond to that?”

“I would prefer an honest, thorough answer.”

“I… I don’t think that’s a convversation wwe can get into right noww.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“ Please stop apologizin’, holy shit.” You groan, reclining into the couch. “I get that you’re not tryin’ to upset me, but if you’re goin’ to be here, you need to understand somethin’: I had a terrible wrigglerhood. Terrible trolls, terrible lusii, terrible circumstances. I’m goin’ to get upset, no matter wwhat wwe talk about. And that’s fine.”

      He looks concerned, his hand dog-earring a page of his journal. 

“Eridan… it’s okay.”

“I knoww, I just told you.”

“No, I mean it. I understand you’ve endured numerous challenges in your life and afterlife. It must’ve been very taxing and overbearing. But you’re on the slow path to recovery, which is good. When we’re done, you’ll be able to come to terms with everything that’s brought you down and you’ll be able to rise above it. You have to give yourself that chance.” 

      You know he’s here for you specifically, but you hate that this is focused on you so much. You feel so fucking vulnerable, letting this doppelgänger peer into your innermost vulnerabilities like some spectacle to be beheld by all. This shouldn’t be so difficult, but this one set of eyes feel like a thousand burning into your soul. You want it to stop. You want the focus to shift to something, anything else. Or maybe even some one else. Isn’t he supposed to be opening up with you, too? 

“Hey, wwhat about you?” You push his book toward him. “This ain’t gonna be one-sided, you knoww. You should open up on somethin’.” 

“Me?” He opens his book, staring at a blank page. “I could, but my problems feel so insignificant in comparison to what yours are.”

“Tell me about somethin’. Anythin’, I wwant to think about somethin’ that ain’t me.”

“Very well, but don’t think I’m going to let that statement go unnoticed.” He flips to the back of his book and jots something down. “I guess something that would be worth mentioning is that I didn’t have a lusus to raise me. Because the history of my Alternian counterpart didn’t take place, there was never a lusus assigned to me when I hatched.”

“So, wwhat? Did you just not havve anyone to raise you?”

“Oh, of course not. Instead of receiving a lusus, I was personally raised in the palace of our session’s Empress, the Kindesce.”

“The Empress, huh? Must’vve been quite the luxury.”

“One would assume, yes. Unfortunately, my living situation was more than overwhelming. I was coddled and smothered with affections, almost treated like a commodity.” If she was anything like Feferi, that’s 100% believable. “You have no idea how patronized I was because of that. She never took me or any of my problems seriously. Now, no one does.” 

“Kankri,” You reach out, offering your comforts . He’s quick to pull away and stand, crossing his arms. 

“No no, that’s quite unnecessary. Do not touch me.” He scolds, glaring down at you. What the fuck? 

“Wwell, fuck, excuse me for tryin’ to be empathetic.”

“I’m not sharing this information so that you can reciprocate any kind of pity for me. I’m celibate, I have no intentions on having my pale quadrant filled. Or any quadrant, for that matter.”

“Wwhat the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

“And another thing, please stop swearing. You can make your point without using just vulgarity.” 

      He is making this all the more difficult. You have a long way to go, but so does he. 

“You knoww, I wwas tryin’ to be nice. I’m tryin’ to open up and havve an open dialogue wwith you and you shove me awway? Howw am I supposed to make progress if you wwon’t let me?”

“You can do it without touching me.” This is quickly becoming agitating with contradictions. You stand.

“I wwas just tryin’ to hold your hand, I didn’t think that wwas an issue!”

“You should’ve asked!”

“I should’ve asked to be nice? Kankri, that’s like the most univversal way of expressin’ sympathy to literally anybody! It’s not like I wwent in for a full embrace wwith a hand in your hair. You sure you don’t wwanna talk, because that wwas a hell of a reaction.”

      He blinks, letting his guard down. Is it clicking yet? 

“You’re… you’re right. I’m sorry for raising my voice.” You roll your eyes. “And for apologizing. Again.” 

“Just sit down and talk wwith me. Please?”

      You sit down, offering for him to join you. 

“And if you bein’ so close is gonna be an issue, you can sit ovver there.” You gesture to the armchair across the room. He’s quick to take you up on the offer. Anything to get you to stop yelling about nothing . “Noww, do you wwanna explain wwhat just happened?”

“I… I don’t know, there’s a high likelihood that that was triggered due a series of traumatic events. It just feels like I have no autonomy.”

“Got an example?”

“Ever since I was living in the palace, it’s always been me being dismissed or just treated like I can’t fend for myself. Just because of my blood color.”

“It’s hard bein’ a kid and growwin’ up. I get wwhere you’re comin’ from. No one listened to me, either.” You look at each other, saying in unison: 

“They still don’t listen to me.”

      You hold eye contact in silence for a few minutes. Neither of you are sure of what to say or where to take the conversation from here. You both finish your tea, scribble down a few things in your books, and you send him on his way, lingering in the doorway until he’s out of sight. 

-     ♒︎     ♒︎     ♒︎     -

Day 1

      I’m supposed to be writing down my thoughts to better process things, so let’s see how quick I fuck this up. It was really unnerving having everything focus on me and my mistakes. I get that I was a burden to everyone in my life and that I’m paying my dues for my mistakes several times over, but I see no need to pour my soul out to someone I don’t know. Then again, I don’t want anyone I’m close to getting involved in this. 

      Today wasn’t terribly progressive. Kankri and I have one thing in common so far, and that’s no one taking us seriously on anything we care about. It’s difficult to process, seeing how we come from different worlds and different lifestyle choices. But really, can we call these choices if they were decisions that were made for us? We seem to both be held captive by other trolls pulling our strings into their own tangled amalgamations that they call ‘form’. But can we really free ourselves from these confides? 

     You’re in a dark room and your book is gone. From what little light that’s actually breaking through the darkness, Cronus is seated beside the Grand Highblood, reading your book. 

“Vwhat’s the matter, Danny? Am I botherin’ you?” He turns a page, openly laughing. “At least I don’t make you torture yourself like this.”

“YOUNGBLOOD, DO YOU TAKE THIS PUNISHMENT AS A MOTHERFUCKING JOKE? BECAUSE I’M NOT LAUGHING.”

“Wwhat the fuck is the problem?!” 

“You still ain’t gettin’ it, are you?” He sets the book aside and hops down from his perch. “Let me break it dowvn for you like this: you ain’t supposed to be learnin’ shit about your past or becomin’ a better troll or vwhatevwer bullshit Kanny’s spouting on about.” He grips your face, his thumbs pressing hard into your cheek as he tilts your face. “Your job is to servwe us , babe. So vwhen vwe make our little vwisits and tell you to satisfy us,” he shoves you back, but quickly grabs your wrist. He pulls you into his arms, his hand clasping hard into your hair, ready to pull a fistful out if you struggle or retort. “you strip and obey, thankful you havwe this privwilege.”

      Your face twists into a disgusted scowl and he’s quick to slap it off of you without a word. He shoves you onto the ground and keeps you there under his foot. He chuckles and he begins to undress, the Grand Highblood cackling behind him. 

“THIS TIME, WE’RE GOING TO MAKE DAMN SURE YOU ALL UP AND UNDERSTAND YOUR JOB HERE.”

“And this time… I think I’m gonna keep you here vwith me for a vwhile.”

      They keep you for a perigee. 

      You’re sent back unable to move, like usual. You drag yourself to the bathroom, like usual. You hoist yourself into the shower, like usual. You turn on the water and are immediately sent onto your back, moaning and writhing. A strong vibrating sensation is coursing through your body. You’re unable to get up to turn off the water or move out of the shower on your own. 

“You thought I vwasn’t catchin’ on?” Cronus tuts, seated on the counter. “We gavwe you a little partin’ gift. This nice little anal plug is vwater activwated. Any time you try to take care a yourself to mend our lovwemarks or minimize the pain, you’ll set it off. And the only vway to turn it off…” he waves a small, minimal remote at you. “Is for you to convwince me to. And maybe I’ll turn it off for you.” 

“I can—,” you blurt out a moan, curling up in the shower. “I can just p-pull it out.”

“You could, sure. If you don’t vwant your organs inside a you anymore.” A disgusting sadist. Not even sadistic, just outright psychotic. “So, I can pull it out nowv and just cull you…” he hops off the counter, standing in front of the shower door. “or you come please your master.” 

     You have no one to help you or save you. No one to call and you don’t know when anyone is going to burst into your hive. You wish they would, just this once. You only hear three words for the rest of the day: I own you. 

     When silence finally greets you in the emptiness of your hive, you’re left shaking and senseless. You can’t process anything in the room, if Cronus is still here, if anyone is in your hive at all, you can’t even see your hand in front of your face. You struggle to breathe and can feel your pulse in the back of your throat. You start to wonder if this is where you’re going to die, if this is what your life all amounted up to. Were you revived for the sole purpose of being left to struggle and suffer until your final moments? You’re paying for everything and you doubt anyone would think this is enough of a toll to pay. Is this what they want? 

     Will this make them happy, if you just let go right now? 

     Your eyesight comes back into focus when you hear voices and feel a set of hands on your arm. There’s too many voices, too many bodies, too much movement. You can’t focus on anyone except for the hands on your arm. Not exactly comforting with any paps or stroking, but more of a firm reassurance that whoever they are, they have you. They’re going to take care of you. But you know that’s a lie. They don’t care. No one cares. And now, neither do you. 

     Just let me go.

Chapter Text

     Over the next few hours, you continue to be pulled this way and that. So many people are talking above you, debating and discussing courses of action. Calloused hands, smooth hands, trolls and humans alike, all playing parts in your fate. You’ve become some kind of project for them to work on. Maybe they’re getting a kick out of your struggle? You wouldn’t be surprised. Once they work out their plan, only three figures stay with you. A large pad of leather is thrust into your mouth and you are told to bite and hold still as another set of hands stitches your open wounds. As you cry out in agony, both from the needle and the device activating, your hand is firmly squeezed and reaffirming words are hushed to you. 

“You’re going to be okay. You have to trust me.”

     It’s all too much for you to make out what’s happening aside from this. With firm punctures to your neck, everything goes numb. You cannot move and the voices become muffled. You see a hand wipe the tears from your face as your privacy is further invaded. 

     Your arms and legs are snuggly bandaged and you’ve been swaddled in several blankets, almost like a dense, soft nest. You doubt you could move if you wanted to. There’s idle chatter in the room, very calm in comparison to earlier. And through all of this, there’s still a hand holding yours. 

“Hey, he’s waking up!” For the brief time you’ve heard it, you know that’s English’s accent. He’s seated at your side. “Welcome back, chum! Take it easy, you’re in good company now!” You blink back to clarity. 

“Wwhat? Wwhat happened?” 

“You almost died.” Your eyes follow the voice to the Strider in the doorway. Of course he has Dirk in tow. “You’re lucky we got here when we did.” 

“And what timing it was! We were even able to get a response team together for you.” Jake gestures to the ensemble. “Allow me to introduce them for you:” 

    You follow his hand, right to left. Meenah’s busy on her phone, Jade is talking with Porrim, sorting through a small pile of fabric on the floor, Dirk is still in the doorway, as if keeping guard, Roxy is giggling to someone she’s on the phone with, and seated next to you, still holding your hand…

“Don’t get used to this,” Kankri mutters, squeezing your hand. “This won’t be a regular thing.” 

    You know, deep in your heart that you’re supposed to be welling up with a resounding feeling of sentiment. You should probably cry and grovel with gratitude. But you’re not in it. You know that everyone in this room was sent here against their will. They all have better things they could and should be worrying about right now. Yet, here they are. All the little pawns of the game. It’s awful. You’re so selfish, making them worry about you. You’re worthless.  

“...Wwhy?”

“What do you mean why?” Jake stands, perplexed. “Your good friend here called us and sent us here for an emergency.” 

“It wasn’t anyfin’ major,” Meenah waves it off, not looking up from her task. “Crabby over there clamed me up in a panic, so shore enough we had to get a squid here to fix the shit.” 

“Granted, you’re going to want to rest, but that isn’t to say you should go without extra security. So, my good friend Dirk, Jade, and myself are going to take shifts guarding you and Kankri.”

“What!?” Jade erupts, standing. “I never agreed to that! It’s bad enough to be called here to pull a random sex toy out of some random troll’s ass,” She glares down at you. “You‘re welcome, by the way.” She stomps up to Jake. “But I didn’t agree to babysit this tool. Do any of you even know who this guy is? What shit he’s done? He’s total garbage!” 

“Jade Jade Jade,” Roxy grabs her shoulder, pulling her away from English. “It doesn’t really matter what happened back during the game. The past is the past. It’s all done with and we all got a second chance at a better life.” She looks over to you kindly. “That includes the hipster wizard fish here.” And back to Jade. “I get he may have been somethin’ of a grade-A prick before, but he’s not lookin’ like any kinda threat to me! And now that I think about it, I don’t think he’s even gone God Tier, so you ain’t got shit to worry about! You can kick his ass, even if he did try to pull some shady shit.” 

“Well what if I don’t want to, huh?” Jade swats her hand away. “You seem awful chummy to the idea, why don’t you be one of the guards?”

“Because we’re asking you to do it.” Dirk pushes off of the doorway. “We’re not even asking you to be here the whole time. We’re all taking shifts.” 

“Come on, Jade, can’t you do a favor for your new friends?” Jake whines. 

“Can you do a favor for me?” Dirk offers his hand. She glares down at it. 

“And we take shifts, right?” He nods. Her ears pin back, but she takes his hand and shakes on it. 

“Very good!” Jake looks back to you, resting a hand on your leg. “There’s nothing to worry over, chap. We’re going to help you every way we can to help you conquer your big foe, one step at a time!” He heads out, Jade following suit. 

“Hey Maryam,” Meenah calls out. “You ready to ship out?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She stands, clutching a stack of fabric in her arms. She’s walking off with half my wardrobe! The fuck, am I getting looted? “Don’t worry, I’ll bring these back when I’m finished.” She smiles. “And believe me, you’ll like what I bring back.” She walks over to Kankri, resting a hand on his shoulder. “And you . I’m proud of you.” 

“Me?” He’s quick to swat her hand away. “What did I do?” 

“You’re opening up to people. And you’re doing it without talking down to others.” She sneaks a glance at you. “You know, this may be a good thing for you both. I’m not sure all of what you two are going through, but I get the feeling you two will be better off going through this together.” 

“... Thank you, Porrim. That’s actually very kind of you to say.” 

“I’ll be back to check on you in a few wipes. Take care of Kanny for me, okay?” 

“ Stop calling me that! ” 

    She just laughs to herself as she and Meenah leave, Dirk guarding the doorway after they’re gone. Aside from that, you’re alone again. 

“I kept visiting, like I said I would.” Kankri starts. “I made sure to check back, and I saw you weren’t here. At first I thought you just disregarded what we discussed over our initial visit, but then I found this.” He hands you your journal, torn and stained in what you hope is blood. “And I saw what little you were able to write before your writing came to a sudden stop. Given with what you told me about your situation, I could only assume that you were abducted again. After two wipes of no sign of you, I had to get into contact with Meenah and Vriska to figure out what was going on.” He sighs, his thumb rubbing your hand. “I apologize for maybe getting too many people involved, but I won’t apologize for doing what I had to.”

“Kankri—”

“I’m sorry, but I won’t! When you finally came back, when we finally found you, the color left my face and I was struck with disbelief. Not only did I realize you were telling the truth, but that the truth was more horrifying than you lead on. I understand the urgency of your training, and I understand why this is going to be so difficult for you.”

“Kankri—”

“I actually started to do some thinking while you were away. I sat in my hive, staring at your journal and started wondering why this was happening to you. And honestly, I’m just as dumbfounded as you are.” 

“ Kankri! ” You squeeze his hand. 

“ What is it, Eridan?” He looks down at you. 

“... Thank you. You didn’t havve to go through all a this trouble for some troll you hardly knoww, but I’m glad you did.”

“Oh. Yes, well.” He clears his throat. “You can’t continue on your path to betterment if you literally can’t walk.” 

“But is there any wway you guys can take me somewwhere else in my hivve?”

“Why, what’s wrong with this block?”

“This is Cro’s room.” 

-     ♒︎     ♒︎    ♒︎     -

Day 47

    My wounds are finally closed and I’m almost back to normal as far as strength is concerned. This book is hard to write in with all of the damage and stains, but I’m staying committed to this. We recently started discussing the Alternian Rebellion and the role our ancestors played in it. He claims to know everything about it, but he has yet to fill in any blanks I provide for him. We’ve also been discussing the weight my Orphaning career has had on me, but I get the feeling he doesn’t truly understand, as they didn’t have any similar positions on Beforus. 

    From what I’ve been told, my Beforan Ancestor was something of a scholar of the Arts. Which is just a way of saying he knew a lot about Magics. Which is laughable, as magic isn’t real. How can someone make a profession based off of such lies? 

“So, where does that come from?” Kanrki asks, circling the last sentence. 

“Wwell, come on, Kankri. Evveryone knowws magic ain’t real.”

“Eridan, we talked about dismissing using absolutes.” You cross your arms and scoff. “But magic is very much real.” 

“That’s such shit!” 

“Eridan—”

“Yeah yeah, explicits, I knoww. But come on , magic is fake!” 

“And do you have proof of this?” 

“Wwell, obvviously . Evveryone knowws that wwhat you call magic is based off of the truest of sciences.”

“And yet you seem to have so many books on the matter. So much so, I found this on your bookshelf?” He withdraws your personal grimoire. 

“You wwent through my books?”

“Well, I had to keep myself occupied while waiting for you during your last abduction.” He gives it back to you. “Eridan, I’m not here to judge you. If this is something you’re passionate about, why not pursue it?” 

“Because it’s fake! Wwhat, am I not allowwed to enjoy somethin’ that ain’t real?” 

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” And here you thought it was only Karkat you had to worry about, but Kankri is just as good at reading you, if not faster. What was his class again? “Because, as much as you try to convince me that is the way you’ve always been, I can tell that isn’t the case. So tell me: who made you think this way?” 

“Hey, I know you guys are trying to have a moment of whatever,” Dirk calls back from the doorway. “But you don’t have to pry like that. I doubt he knows any of us well enough for him to just pour himself out like this.” He shrugs looking away. “But that’s just me.” 

“Yeah, sorry Kankri, but you’re really tryin’ to cut deep into shit that I ain’t wwillin’ to dig up.” 

“Ah, I see.” He reaches back over for your book. “Why don’t you write it down so—”

“I said no .” You take the book and set it back down. “That counts as me tellin’ you, don’t it?” 

“I…” His hands fidget before they return to his own book. “That’s fair. You can tell me when you’re ready.” 

“So, wwhat’s the next step?” 

“That depends,” He stands, pouring himself another cup of tea. “Whether or not you’ll take it seriously?” 

“Wwhat do you mean? I’vve been puttin’ all a my efforts into evvery convversation wwe’vve been havvin’, right? I’d think I should be more than ready to movve on!” 

    Him and Dirk exchange looks, as if they’re both equally uncertain in your progress. Is this it? Are you finally going to be able to start practicing battle strategies? Are you done with this stupid book? You’re quickly growing impatient with the vague silence. 

“Ampora, the next step is Moment capture.” 

“Wwhat?” 

“You’re supposed to write out traumatic events so you can work out your bullshit.” 

“But you’re not willing to take the next step.” 

    Oh, the hubris. Just when you said you didn’t want to discuss intimate shit, they say you have to in order to progress. 

“And… wwhat if I say no?” 

“Then you can’t move on.” Kankri sips his tea. “Both literally and figuratively.” 

“But I still don’t see wwhy I havve to tell you any a this?” 

“Okay, I have an idea.” Dirk snaps. “Kankri, do you have another one of those blank books?” He’s quick to equip one and hand it over. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do: You’re going to make a separate journal and write whatever the fuck he keeps pressing you to do. And when you’re done, you give it to me. That way, you don’t have to share with anyone and you can fucking move on.”

“And howw do I know you ain’t gonna read it?” 

“Do you honestly think I give enough of a fuck to read through your tragic backstory on how the fishy Harry Potter became his own Voldemort?” The exhaustion flips to agitation as he quickly comes toe-to-toe with you. “I’m getting really tired of the theatrics from both of you and the sooner we can get you on your path of betterment or whatever, the sooner I can go back to Earth and live my own life.” He shoves the book into your chest. “Just write some shit down, I don’t care how long it is. And, better yet, if you put the slightest bit of effort into this, I’ll take you outside and work on your sparring strategies.”

“Dirk, this isn’t supposed to be how this works!” Kanrki interjects. “He’s supposed to be reflecting on his past and analyzing his traumas so he can—”

“I could not care less.” He groans. “His progress is at such a staggering crawl, I think I’ll probably die before he makes any kind of noticeable progress.” He forfeits the argument and heads for the front door. “But I’m not here to babysit anyone, just to keep guard and to kick ass.” He throws the door open. “But if you feel like making any kind of real progress, you know what to do and you know where I’ll be.” 

    You know better than to look a gift lusus in the maw, so you open the book and begin to scribble. Kankri is lecturing you about rushing the process, but you don’t exactly have time to waste. Dirk has a point: You need to move this along. You nudge your worried cohort aside and begin to write. 

    Why do I deny magic?

    When I was younger, magic was my biggest passion. I’m told that I was predisposed to the sensation of it. My lineage, my hatchright, it was something I’m more than certain I was supposed to not only pursue, but excel at. I had dreams of wielding, understanding, and creating something that I was so naturally skilled with. Something about being able to use Dark Arts and White Magics, being able to cast spells and exert power beyond comprehension, but also the craft of it. A power no one else would be able to wield. I can’t say if that profession, for certain, would’ve made me any happier, but I could’ve been great. 

    My fate had other plans for me. Not too long after I began to write my grimoire, I was called to become Feferi’s Orphaner. Of course, this was something I didn’t want to do. Asking a three-sweep-old troll to go out and kill lusii for The Crown? I had to learn the hard way that Magic was fake. Both my lusus and Feferi had to drill it into my head that not only is it fake, but it never existed. They enrolled me as a protégé with the Orphaner that precedes me and the rest is history. 

    Magic is nothing but a joke. It’s fake and no one should believe in it. If I can’t, why should anyone else? 

    But part of me wonders if they truly believe what they told me, or if I was just lied to to become something someone else wanted? 

Chapter Text

Day 83

     Things have been progressing with training with Dirk and Jake. I’ve been working on improvisation with my fighting style and not relying on my rifle so much. As powerful as it is, it’s bulky and not as aerodynamic. The key to fighting some as unstable and relentless as Cronus is to keep moving and make quick, hard hits. 

     The catch with fighting back is getting worse punishments. Being taken away for longer periods of time. And it’s even worse if I have someone come to my aid when I endure my punishments. No matter what I do, things will always end against my favor. Seems like a common thread for me? 

     He’s still taking me on a regular basis, but at least I’m able to block him when he tries to knock me out. Which is good; falling unconscious all the time gets annoying very fast. Unfortunately, with all of these methods of torture, it’s always something new. Each time I get sent back to my hive, I have a new injury or a new challenge or some stupid pailing mechanism in, on, or around me. Every fucking day is a new battle for me. I wish it didn’t have to be. 

     You watch Kankri’s expressions as he reads your entry. A twitch from his lip, a hand resting under his chin, brows furrowing as he starts to pull some pieces together. He hums and ponders. 

“Wwhat, wwhat’s wwrong?”

“Hmm? Nothing’s wrong. I’m just reading.”

“You’re makin’ a face like you’re not likin’ wwhat you’re seein’.”

“No it’s…” he sets the book down and stands, pacing your study. “While I’m happy that you’re making improvements physically, and don’t get me wrong you very much should be proud of that, I can’t help but feel that you’re just distracting yourself from other topics at hand, so you’re staying focused on everything with Cronus instead.”

“I think it’s a more pressin’ issue right noww than my feelings are?” You raise a brow, crossing your arms as you lean back in your chair. “I think physical health takes just a bit a priority to my mental health.”

“They’re one in the same, how many times do I have to say it?” He rubs his face, groaning. He takes a deep breath and quickly changes from his defeated, tired posture to his default, poised and collected one. “Roxy, can you please help me?” 

“I dunno, Kankri,” she shrugs. “I get where you’re comin’ from, but maybe he’s fightin’ a battle on two fronts?”

“Well of course he is, but certainly you agree with me that he should focus on one thing at a time, right?”

“Nah. That’s a bad idea.” She looks to you, swiping her bangs away from her face. “But I’ll tell ya somethin’, the dumb shit you did when you were young can definitely have an impact on what you’re doin’ now. Fuck, even the shit you’re dealin’ with now has an affect on what you’re doin’ now.” 

“Roxy, will you please get to the point?”

“I’m gettin’ there, this is important!” She waves him off. “Eri, lemme ask you somethin’. Does this place feel safe to you?” 

“Of course not, wwhat do you think?”

“What I think is that you bein’ stuck here ain’t doin’ you any favors. Don’t you have any place that you go to to relax?”

“I…” 

     You look back at them, trying to find a good way to respond. Sure, you have places and people that you considered your comforts growing up on Alternia, but things aren’t the same as they used to be. You wonder if those landmarks were moved here. 

“Eridan,” Kankri moves closer to you, speaking calmly. “Are you alright?”

“Uh…” you blink, bringing the room back into focus. “No, I don’t havve anywhere to myself. not anymore, I don’t think.” Roxy squints at you and Kankri doesn’t move away. 

“That’s interestin’... so what you’re sayin’ is you had a place that doesn’t exist anymore?”

“Yeah.”

“You uh… wouldn’t happen to have any pictures or anythin’ from those places, would you?”

“I think I might.” You walk to your bookshelf and skim through the shelf of unmarked books, stopping on a short one with a violet spine. You flip through until you find two photos: one of a white-sanded beach, another of a dark, abandoned cavern. You pass the book to her. “Here.” She takes book in her hands and thinks. Kankri tried to get closer to her and get a look, but she pulls it closer to her, getting a smile to her face. She’s plotting something. 

“Wwhat’s the photos gonna do?” 

“Oh, Eri, I won’t spoil a good surprise.” She smiles, giggling. “Are you sure this is all you got? No other places or people?” No one else that I want involved, no. You shake your head. “Cool, I’m gonna hold onto this for now, but when I’m done, ooh Eri you’re gonna want to make me your best friend.” 

“You’re… you’re somethin’ else, Rox.” 

“Yeah, I know I rocks.” She heads out of the doorway. “And good timin’ too. It’s almost time for me to go.” 

“Hang on a minute.” You call out. “There’s actually somethin’ I wwanna do before you go.” 

“And what would that be?” Kankri tried to take the book again. She swats his hand away. 

“I don’t feel safe noww because I don’t feel like this is my hivve anymore.” 

“Because of Cronus’s block?” He asks. 

“Exactly. It’s like he has a place here. And I don’t wwant him to.” 

“What do you suppose we do?” 

“I wwanna make this hivve mine again. I wwanna renovvate.”

-   ♒︎    ♒︎   ♒︎    -

“Eridan, is this really necessary?”

“Wwhat’s the big deal?” You say, heading to open your front door. “It’s her shift, do you not wwant her here?”

“Porrim and I just…” He rubs the back of his head. “Our relationship is…” 

“Hey. I’ll try to keep this quick, okay? Wwe can talk about it wwhen she leaves.”

“That… that would be nice.”

“Just take a breath. It’ll be fine.” He does so, nodding when he’s ready. You turn and open the door. 

“Hello, little Ampora.” She smiles, patting your head as she enters your hive. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you two. Are you feeling any better?” 

“Yeah, actually.” She seems so nice, what’s the problem? “I mean, it’s been more frequent,but at least wwe’re gettin’ better at handlin’ it?”

“That’s great.” She looks to Kankri, but he says nothing. He won’t even look at her. He’s just standing there, pouting. “Kanny, you don’t have to be such a crab at me. You can say hello, I won’t bite.” He scoffs. Come on, Kankri, she just got here. 

“Wwell, might as wwell get started, right? Come on, let’s head upstairs.” 

“Oh, I’m in no rush if you’re not.” She waves you off as you and Kankri follow her into the kitchen. “I actually brought you two something.” 

“You didn’t have to.” You know he didn’t mean to snap, but he sounds very short. She just got here, fucking relax. 

“Oh, this isn’t from me, but Meenah has a ton of these extra at her hive, so I thought I’d bring you some.” She sets out a small plate of tarts. Beautifully made and decorated with fresh fruits. “Where can I put these?” 

“The fridge is fine, wwe can come back for these later.” 

     In Cronus’s room, it’s set up like a human room. A bed instead of a recooperacoon, a small television on his dresser, his desk collecting dust. The floor is covered in dirty clothes and human reading material. Such a waste of a room.

“You know, I think you made the right choice calling me in to visit today.” She looks around, pushing things out of the way with her feet. “Before you know it, this is going to be an entirely new block.” She beams are you, you skin glowing bright. “This is going to be fun.” 

     The three of you gather up all of your dancestor’s belongings and pack them away to stow in your hideaway. You put up separators, clothing rods, and shelves around the room. 

“So, how do you plan on filling this empty space?” Kankri asks. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Now they’re both looking at you. Porrim shakes her head at you. “Well, Eridan wants to have a better way of organizing his wardrobe.”

“Eridan…” he glares at you, thinking through his next words. “ Eridan . I understand you need to remove Cronus from this hive, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but this is a lot of space. Don’t you think that much clothing would be just a little bit … excessive to make this entire block a wardrobe?” You and Porrim share the same sentiment:

“There’s never such a thing as too much.”

“You’re wrong , both of you!” 

“If you wwant, I can make a space for you.” You offer, gesturing to the empty rods. “Pick a spot.” 

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He sighs. “But thank you. I do appreciate the gesture.” 

“You mean to tell me you’re gonna spend all a your time here an not havve a space for clothes?”

“Well… you have a point.” You see a glint of a smile as he looks around the room, but it quickly fades when he makes eye contact with Porrim. “But still, I don’t have enough clothes to fill even one of these spots.” 

“We can always make you a new wardrobe, Kanny.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with what I already have!” He snaps. 

“I nevver said there wwas?” Why the sudden mood flip? 

“It’s not any burden on me to add a few things to your wardrobe, Kanny. Really, it would actually be nice for me! I’ve been running out of things to do and my dancestor and I would love to make you a few nice outfits.” 

“You don’t need to cater to my every need like some kind of lusus. I am ten sweeps old, quit treating me like a wriggler!” He stomps off. 

“Kankri, wwait!”

“Eridan, it’s fine,” Porrim chuckles. “We can use this to take a break and eat some of those tarts I brought.”

Day 96

      It took us long enough, but the hive is starting to feel like it’s mine again. I don’t see Cronus as much as I used to, but he and GHB are getting more and more aggressive with me. The last time they took me, they studded my bulge. I wasn’t able to take them off on my own, but luckily Porrim was really cool about it. She helped me take care of the piercing wounds and they’ve finally healed closed. Even after all of that, she decided to give me a few sewing books and a small machine just for me. Not sure what I’m going to make, but they gave me countless bolts of fabric to choose from... 

     You’re getting really tired of making these. You’d rather be doing literally anything else. Can’t you be done with these refelctive essays already? 

“Kankri, these entries are becomin’ more an more taxin’ to do.” You groan, tossing the book onto the counter. “Can I do somethin’ else?” 

“What do you mean, ‘somethin’ else’?”

“I’vve been doin’ the entries for, wwhat, like three perigees noww? Can I do somethin’ different?” 

“Mmm… I suppose. Let’s try this.” He picks up your journal, opening to the next page and scrawling away. When he gives it back to you, there’s a small list on it. A contact list. 

“Wwhat am I supposed to do wwith this?” 

“This next part is important, especially with all of the trauma and baggage you have.” He taps the notebook. “I want you to think of anyone you may want to add onto this list and, when I think it’s good enough, I’ll let you start writing more letters.”

“ Letters? ” You blink. “Oh, no. No fuckin’ wway. I ain’t wwritin’ anythin’ to anybody.”

“ No, Eridan.” He rolls his eyes at you. “These aren’t going to be sent.”

“... Then wwhat’s the point?” 

“You said you wanted to do something different? I’m giving you something different.”

“I get that.” You glare at him with skepticism. Are you just being nosy?  

“The letters are supposed to help you process your past and present relationships. Things you wish you could say or things you wish they knew, you write it like you’re going to send it… but you don’t. That way, it’s on the page and off of your thinkpan. You can stop worrying over others and focus more on yourself.” This sounds like such a chore. 

“Howw many do I have to wwrite?”

“As many as you need.” He rests a hand on yours, being sure to make eye contact with you.“You don’t even need to start making them now. Just make your list, and you can start writing them later. But you need to get everyone you can. Don’t leave anyone out. I want you to get better, and to do that you need to start letting some people go. Okay?”  If you didn’t know better, you would think he’s starting to… 

“... Okay.” He smiles, leaving for the mealblock. 

“When you’re done, head outside. You need to practice your melee strategy today.” 

     … Maybe I’ll use some of my fabric to make a few gifts.

Chapter Text

     You’re bound and naked, lying face down in a puddle. You struggle under the weight of the Grand Highblood’s heel on your back, Cronus laughing as he circles you both. 

“I gotta admit, as vweird as it is, at least vwe’re all learnin’ somethin’ from this.”

“DAMN FUCKING RIGHT. YOUR DANCESTOR IS MORE DURABLE THAN I MOTHERFUCKING THOUGHT. ” The guttural chuckle in his throat just makes you fight harder underneath him. “ NOW WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ALL UP AND GOING, YOUNG BLOOD? ” He takes his foot off of you and lifts you by your restraints, the rope chafing and digging into your gill sets. “ DIDN’T YOU KNOW? WE’VE GOT MORE TOYS TO TRY OUT, WHAT TO SEE IF WE CAN’T GET YOU IN THE CHILL WITH US. ” Your growl is weak and pitiful. They only laugh at you more, slamming you back into the ground. “ IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING JOY TO SEE YOU STILL HAVE THAT VIGOR IN YOU. LET’S SEE WHAT I GOTTA DO TO ALL UP AND CHANGE THAT.”

Day 116  

      My training isn’t doing much to help me. No matter what I anticipate or how hard I train, they always seem to be one step ahead of me. Every time they take me, they seem to have something new and abhorrent to subject me to. This is what I get for thinking I had a chance to get away from all of this. 

“It hasn’t been that long, you know.” Kankri chides, flipping through your book. “It’s only been a few perigees.”

“Easy for you to say.” You hiss a breath, flinching at the sting of disinfectant. “You ain’t the one bein’ made into a wwalkin’ bucket.”

“I really do wish you wouldn’t use such crass language.”

“And I wwish you wwouldn’t lecture me ovver somethin’ I obvviously can’t control, but here wwe are.” 

“I apologize, I don’t mean to berate you. I should be more considerate.”

“No, you gotta stand by wwhat you fuckin’ say and quit tryin’ to appease me because you may have upset me for a feww minutes.” You get up, setting the medical kit on the table. “I’m gettin’ a drink. You wwant anythin’?”

“Water would be nice.”

     You head to the kitchen, the humans sitting together at the island, sparks flying out from… whatever is it they’re working on. You reach into the cupboard for a couple glasses.

“Hey, Ampora. No liquids in the workspace.” Dirk scolds, not even looking up from the table.

“Wwhy the fuck are you in the kitchen, then? Howw else am I supposed to get somethin’ to drink?”

“Can’t you just go outside and drink that water?” Jade yawned, passing a small box to Roxy. “Isn’t that what you do?” You’re going to pretend you didn’t hear that snide ass comment. 

“Wwhat are you evven doin’ in here, anywway?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Jake beams. “We’re modifying spectacles with technological advancements for our good chums back on Earth C. It’s for preparations for the upcoming holiday.”

“... Wwhat?”

“Computer glasses for Twelfth Perigee gifts.” Roxy translates. 

“That’s fuckin’ stupid. Wwhy dont you just alchemize them? Wwon’t that go faster?”

“Yeah, but it’s more fun this way.” She shrugs, opening the box. She takes out a pair of pink heart-shaped glasses with blue-tinted lenses. “We all get to work together on something and we get something cool out of it at the end.” She fishes into her hoodie pocket and hands you back the photographs she borrowed. “Here’s these back, bt-dubs.”

“Wwhat did you need them for anyway?”

“I’m not telling.” She giggles with a wink. 

“But… you said—”

“It’s done , but I’m not ready to tell you what I did yet.” 

“It’s alwways a wwaitin’ game, ain’t it?” 

“Hey, Eridan” Jake pulls you closer to the table. “You wouldn’t happen to want one, would you?” 

“He already has a pair, why would he need another one?” Jade complains. 

“Perhaps he could use a new style! I’m sure a change of frames is a good start in that direction.” He reaches back for another box, this one smaller and mustier than the others. “I’ve had this pair for ages, but I’m afraid they just don’t suit me anymore. But they could serve as a good base for something new for you.” 

You gently brush off the dust before opening the box. Silver, wire frames. Nothing notable about design, no etching on the sides or anything. Just basic rectangular lenses. 

“I know they aren’t exactly the berries, but we can help you customize these cheaters to whatever you want! Or, if perhaps you want to give them to someone else as a gift, I’m sure that would make for quite a gesture.”

     Of course there’s someone you want to give these to, but you don’t take Vantas as the type to wear glasses. You doubt he’d even accept a gift from you after what you did on The Meteor. He hasn’t tried to message you or anything. You doubt he even knows you’re alive. Or that he cares. And yet… I still want to try. That’s the whole point of everyone being here, right? For you to try things and get better? 

“Anythin’ I wwant, huh? I guess I havve an idea or twwo for these…”

-   ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

Day 147

     Those motherfuckers left me out in the cold for Outer Gods know how long. I’m fucking sick now. Hopefully they won’t take me again until I get back, but I want to perish. 

“Wwhere is everybody?” You cough, groaning on the couch. You’ve been condemned to the living room since you’ve fallen sick. 

“I sent them away for a few days until you recover.” Kankri calls back from the kitchen. 

“Wwhat about—” You sneeze loudly. “Ain’t you goin’, too?” 

“You know I can’t do that, Eridan. We all agreed to have at least one of us here with you at all times.” There’s a slight clang of cookware. “I know that I may not be the most qualified to defend you, but no one else was willing to stay.”

“Thanks,” You huff. “I feel so much better hearin’ that.” 

“You don’t need to be so melodramatic, Eridan. I told you I’d be here until our transaction was complete. Now, is your face mask on?” You lazily tug is back over your face. Who’s being melodramatic? “Although I don’t mind doing this for you, and I don’t mean any offense by asking this, but shouldn’t your lusus be taking responsibility for this?” He brings a small tray to the side table for you. He was told to make this human home remedy for you, but you doubt it will help anything. But if he’s anything like his dancestor, you doubt he will take a no for an answer. You’re going to have to suck it up and eat whatever garbage he just made. You hope, at the very least, that it’s palatable. 

“Oh, hell no,” You laugh into your cough, forcing yourself to sit up. “You think he is gonna take care a me ? Kankri, he’s…” you shake your head, grabbing a nearby glass of water. “He ain’t like that.” 

“I… don’t understand?”

“He ain’t supposed to take care a me, more so make sure I stay in line.” 

“... For what, exactly? You don’t mean the Aristocracy, do you?” You nod, tugging your mask down for a moment to drink. “He’s been made aware that that Alternian societal structure is not being upheld here, correct?” 

“Doesn’t care.” You slump into the couch, staring into your cup. “He had hopes for me and I failed him. He wwants me to be that ruthless culler he alwways hoped for.” He sighs, walking back to the kitchen. 

“Do you still consider yourself a failure?” You try to laugh, but you know he’s asking a serious question. He’s not one to talk lightly on subjects like this. “Do you view yourself to be a failure for not living up to the forced expectations that you weren’t even passionate for to begin with?” This isn’t the kind of y’all you were hoping to get today. Technically, you weren’t looking to talk at all and just work on recovery. But fuck you, this might as well happen. 

“Part a me does, I guess.” You ponder. “I could’vve been somethin’.”

“And you wanted to be feared? To be seen as a ruthless culler?”

“No, but… wwhat other options did I havve? It wwas either that, or the wwhole planet died. It wwasn’t a job I wwanted or asked for. I hated it. But I had to be the one to get my hands dirty.”

“Things were certainly different in Beforus. We didn’t have Orphaners , per se. Gl’bgolyb was still on our planet, but she wasn’t tended to in such a violent manner. The feedings were always more scheduled and no one lost a guardian out of desperation to keep her quiet.” Get to the point. “That being said, I can’t imagine the physical and psychological toll those duties must’ve put on you, especially when you were doing it alone and at such a young age.” 

“Yeah…”

“I can imagine that must’ve put some strain on your relationship with your Peixes.”

“... is that wwhat you think?”

“Well, considering she’s the Alternian equivalent to the Empress who not only ruled over Beforus, but also raised me… yes, I do. And, not to derail the conversation, but living with her proved to be a challenge, for lack of a better word.”

“It wwasn’t just her, though. I could’vve—”You’re interrupted by a sneeze. You can hear Kankri drop something in the kitchen. “stood to put in more effort in our relationship.”

“Well, of course. Hindsight is always 20/20. The question, really, is if you genuinely wanted a relationship of any kind with her to begin with.”

“Of course I did! More than anythin’!”

“... I don’t know why, but part of me gets the feeling you’re not being honest with me.”

“Wwhy wwould I lie about my flushed crush?”

“Eridan.” He comes back with a tray and a bowl, setting on the table before sitting across from you. “You know I can see through your lies, right? I know what she was to you.”

Chapter Text

    The pen trembles in your hand, your mind a noisy cacophony of jumbled words and feelings. There’s so much you could say, so many different ways to take this. Where do you start? How do you even begin to convey what your feelings are? Each breath is like needles taunting your gills and burning your lungs. Are you even breathing? Your vision is blurring and shifting the paper under your hands, lulled by the warm flicker of the candle melting your sealing wax. You watch it break apart and liquify with the last of your composure. You can’t do this. You can’t do this. 

“Take a breath, Eridan.” Kankri hushes, a hand on your shoulder. “Remember, she’s never going to see this. No one is.”

“I knoww that!” You shout, slamming your pen onto the table. He flinched, anticipating it to shatter. “I just hate that, evven if she evver got this, she still wwouldn’t take any of it seriously.”

“She downplays your feelings? Acts like she knows what’s best, but has no idea what she’s doing? Puts her priorities over your own? Eridan, I know what she’s like. I was raised by her Beforan equivalent.” Your vision steadies as you listen to him. “Unfortunately, she did what she did and left her mark, but that doesn’t mean you have to be defined by it. You need to be your own person, not something of hers.”

“I don’t knoww if I can...” You choke, tears beading in your eyes. “that’s all I’vve evver been.”

“You have to , Eridan. You can’t let that… that vapid witch from your past determine what you do with your future.” Your ears could burn from the venom in his tone. But just as quick as it came, Kankri breathes and returns to his mildly calm tone. “The first step is always going to be the hardest. I’m here to help you take that step…” he reaches over, dipping your pen into the inkwell before offering it to you. “and that first step starts here.” You nod, reclining and wiping your eyes. As you take the pen, you can feel the warmth of his hold still lingering in the glass. The comfort that provides… Am I selfish to want to keep this feeling? No… because this is what you should’ve had from the beginning. 

Day 188

Dear Fef,

     For as long as I can remember, I have been your loyal servant. I worked hard night in and night out to help you care for your lusus for the sake of our planet. I gave up my own passions and dreams to be someone you needed. It even came to a point where I committed myself to a quadrant for you in hopes that, one day, my loyalty and unwavering service would pay off for me in the end. Instead, not only was I cast aside, but I was blatantly lied to about how you felt about me. You told me you weren’t available for relationships, but immediately fled into Captor’s decomposing arms after dumping me. You told me you were my moirail, but you never listened to my problems and played them off as a joke. You said we could be friends, but still had reserved hostilities towards me. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized just how much I meant to you: I was nothing. You used me and manipulated me to be whatever it was you needed, and when you had the opportunity to let me go, you didn’t hesitate. I’m not saying you owe me a quadrant or even a friendship. All I would ever want from you is an apology for how you twisted my life into your personal tool and accepted no consequences for what you did to me. I wait every night for you to give me an apology and be sincere, but I know the only thing you’re ever serious about is putting me down. Even when I was given a second chance at life, you condemned me to my broken hive and my bastard of a lusus without even asking what I wanted. You took every chance to let me drown in your mistakes, but I’m not going to settle for it anymore. Tonight, I’m putting you down and letting you go. You were a scar on my life and I need to heal from you. 

May our paths never cross again,  

-  Eridan Ampora ♒︎

“... How do you feel?” You catch him wiping his eyes. You peeked, didn’t you? “Did you get—” He clears his throat. “Did you cover everything in your letter?” 

“I uh… I think I got dowwn wwhat I wwanted.” You fold the letter, a finger resting on the edge as you drip the wax over the top. “Wwhat noww?”

“Seal it and hide it. It’s been written, there’s no reason we ever need to come back to it.” 

     He talks as though he’s done this before, maybe even more than once? You slip off your ring and press it into the wax, sealing it with your sign. You puff out the flame and captcha the letter, headout out of your study with Kankri in tow. 

“Eridan, you—”

“I don’t knoww wwhere to put these yet. But I figure wwhen I do, I might as wwell hide ’em all at once.” 

“Fair enough.” Your steps come to a halt with a set of arms grab you from behind, pulling you into a tight, wooly embrace. “I… I’m proud of you, Eridan.” You hover your arms over him, not fully embracing him quite yet. 

“For wwhat?” 

“You’re taking the first steps into your recovery. This is what I’ve been trying to get you to do and you know what? I don’t think it could’ve gone any better.” 

“So… that’s it, right? Problem solved? You guys can leave?” You get a hearty laugh out of him, his smile gentle and genuine. 

“Of course not. We have a long way for you to go.” He lets go, walking with you. “But I’ll be here to help you through it, as promised.” 

    As you walk, you could’ve sworn his hand brushed against yours. Kankri Vantas, what are you trying to tell me? 

-    ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

“It fuckin’ hurts!” You moan. “Make it stop, please! ”

“I’m trying! You need to hold still!” Jade barks, forcing you onto the floor, face down. “What the fuck did he do this time?” 

“It’s another ass plug!” You gasp, holding your stomach. “It’s gettin’ wworse!” 

“I’m working on it as fast as I can.” She huffs. “Come on, I could’ve sworn we’ve done this before.”

“... We did.” Kankri looks up from his journal. “If I remember correctly, I’m certain we alleviated a problem like this a perigee or two ago.”

“And how did we fix it?” 

“Let me see…” He mutters, flipping through the pages. “Okay, here we go… Roxy helped you with this one. You shrunk it and phased it out of him.”

“You’vve been fuckin’—” You cry out from the sharp increase of pain in your stomach. Jade lets up, standing and tapping her glasses. 

“I‘ll call her, but I’m not sticking around to comfort you in the meantime.” She growls, heading to the kitchen. That just leaves you on the floor, vulnerable and helpless. You’re overwhelmed with the stabbing vibration the plug is giving you. You don’t know how to get the pain to subside; you’re going to have to wait this out. 

“Eridan, try not to struggle, okay?” Kankri hushses, tossing his book aside and kneeling on the floor next to you. “We’re going to fix this as quickly as we can, but I think your protest is only making things worse.” He takes one of your hands and holds it tight between both of his. “Just relax, Roxy should be here soon.” This only gives you more anxiety, making you shake and weep into the floor. 

“I’m so tired of this!” You scream. “I hate that this has to be such a fuckin’ struggle!”

“I know.” He lightly squeezes your hand. 

“Wwhat did I do to deservve this!?”

“What are you talking about?!” Jade shouts, coming back into the common area. “You’re a murderer, Ampora. You shot and killed two of your friends because you got selfish. And now you’re paying for it.”

     Kankri’s grip tightens around your hand. You look up to see his composure starting to unravel. His brows furrowing, his frown twitching into a scowl, his eyes darting to specifically pick his words out of the air. 

“I can understand the source of your frustrations, Jade, but you and I have the privilege of growing up in societies that aren’t as slaughter focused as Alternia’s.” Why are we choosing to argue moral ethics right now? “Specifically in Eridan’s situation, having to keep his entire planet alive by himself—”

“ Feferi did that.”

“She did nothing !” You think now is a good time to let him go. He’s quick to stand, going toe to toe with her. “And, regardless of technicalities, the game is over. And everyone was promised a second chance.” 

“Except for him!” She snarls, green energy flickers around her as she points at you. “He is irredeemable and he should’ve stayed in those dream bubbles to be consumed in that black hole.”

“And you mean to tell me, out of everyone that was revived and given a second chance… Eridan is the only one that is being robbed of it? He’s the only one that’s the evil one here?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Please don’t avoid the question, Harley. What has he done that’s worse than the deeds of, say, Gamzee or Vriska?”

“Are you seriously going to defend him?”

     You shouldn’t have to. You see Kankri look down at you. You’re not in a position to defend yourself, let alone interject in this argument. You didn’t want anything to do with me when we first met because of my namesake. You didn’t even come here willingly. Does your lusus know you’re here? You need to go back to your hive. His anger spent, he unballs  his fists and unknits his brow. Please don’t defend me. Don’t make this mistake.

“As a matter of fact… I am. Because I can see him for who he is,” What? Okay, what is he going on about? …Wait, what was his title again? “ and you need to understand what these exceptions and exclusions mean for the group as a whole...”

Day 213

     Vriska,

     Since I last saw you, I spent a lot of time thinking about what you told me. And, to be frank, I don’t know what to take away from it. Seriously, do you hate me? Do you pity me? What was the point of saying you missed me if you didn’t want to help me? Are you trying to rekindle the flame of our rivalry? Who am I kidding, of course you aren’t. I think you really were getting annoyed with my self-loathing. But, then again, everyone annoys you to some extent, so I’m not particularly special in your path of self-inserted relevance. I’m not that gullible. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I haven’t been in the past. Sure, FLARP made our lives easier to get through, but I don’t think there was ever a genuine relationship between us. Looking back, you used me for your own needs. Even after I died, you only sought me out to help with the final fight; just another disposable pawn to help you rise to the top. But I’m done doing things for you. I’m done fighting for you. I’m fighting for myself. I’m living for myself. And it starts here and now. 

Loathingly yours,

-  Eridan Ampora ♒︎

          P.S. Don’t think that for a second I’m buying the lie that you’re the one that had to fight for my second chance. I know that was total bullshit. 

Chapter Text

     Your feet are planted firmly into the sand, not a weapon on you. And yet, you are surrounded. Jake, Jade, Roxy, and Porrim have you surrounded, ready to attack. And there, at the top of your hive, Kankri sits with Dirk. 

“Alright, chumbucket,” Dirk hollers. “the rules are simple: best us in a fight and you will have completed your training. Now show us what you got.” 

     He doesn’t give you a countdown or the starting call. You know better than to expect that. Jade is first to land a hit on you, kicking you square in the back. This, admittedly, knocks the wind out of you, but you cannot go down in the first hit. When you turn to face her, you notice the others beginning to back up from her, the hot power of the Green Sun still flickering in her figure, sparking off of her fangs as she glares through you. You brace your forearms to bear the brunt of her hits. You fall back as her leg sweeps high for your head, the toe of her slipper barely grazing your cheek. Once on your hands, you see the barrels of two pistols and a rifle pointed at your chest, her Dancestor now in accompaniment. 

     Faster, Ampora . 

     You kick against the rifle, rolling out of range. You swiftly strike Jade in the nose and snatch the gun from her hands, kicking her in the gut. You aim for English, but he’s gone. You don’t waste your time and advance for your hive. Just before you’re able to grab for the ladder, you’re gripped by the ankle and pulled into the sand. She’s not visible, but you know Roxy is nearby. Your fins fan out, a dim glow coming to your face. You aim in what feels like her direction and fire, your nose wrinkling at the repulsive smell of burning metal and sulfur. You miss. You spring back up, letting yourself glow brighter. Roxy let’s herself become visible after a moment, fixated on your light show. You waste no time to strike her with the butt of the gun, but Jake steps in front of her just in time to take the blow. That’s a broken nose for him and your cue to climb. 

     You get onto the deck and Jade is back on her feet and she is pissed . With a flick of her wrist, the rifle disintegrates in your hands and is back in her possession. Roxy is back behind you and has you in a headlock. 

“Nowhere left to run, Eridan.” Jade plants her rifle square back onto your forehead. 

     Why waste time talking? 

     You lurch forward, pulling Roxy over your back and into Jade. She’s quick to let go and they’re quicker to vanish. But now the silence of the sand isn’t here to protect them. Their every footstep aches and creaks with the floorboards. You know exactly where they are and how quick they’re going to approach. Your focus on them is robbed from you when the revving of a chainsaw brings you to Porrim’s attention. Elegant and lethal, she’s pursuing you like her Dancestor once did, swiping and slashing for any bit of your body that she can afford. The ache and anxiety of that memory, the agony of your last death pulling at your sides, is enough to make your vision swell at the sides and your breath to seize. 

     No more games . 

     She makes the mistake to strike at you from above. You clasp the sides of the bar to guide her down, driving your head into her temple. She staggers back, letting go of her weapon. Mine now . You grasp it by the guard and kick her in the chest, holding her down with your foot. You stop and swipe behind you, the clang of metal shortly following: one less worthless rifle to think about. This thing is so bulky and repulsive, you can’t fight properly with this. So, you won’t waste your time with it. You hurl it high, another thud to the ground follows. Roxy is out. Porrim is down. Jake didn’t last long. You’re going to proceed. You will defeat them. 

     You reach the Crow’s Nest, Dirk waiting for you with his katana. 

“You’re getting slower.” He taunts, Kankri tied up against the mast. “I’d think if you wanted to save him, you’d move faster than this.” 

“You’re goin’ to let him go.” You pant. 

“Tired?” He shrugs off your threat. “I don’t have to listen to you. You have no weapons and your temper is doing nothing but slowing you down.” He lunges forward, but you jump onto the rails. 

“I don’t need anythin’ to take you dowwn.” 

“Yeah?” He jumps onto the rails with you. “Then prove it,” He points to you. “Or move it.” His thumb gestures downward. 

“No holds barred.” 

     Dirk is much faster than you were preparing for. Compared to him, you’re a sea slug floating aimlessly in a tide pool. He’s purposely taunting you, barely brushing by and making you unsteady. You foot slips off the edge. You hear Kankri gasp and call for you as you drop off. As you fall, you see a flicker of green and Jade bodycheck you into the shrouds. You cling to the rope as she grabs onto them, just above you. 

“If you think I’m letting you go that easily,” she grips you by the collar of your shirt, putting blood into your face. “Then you don’t know who you should be more worried about.” 

“Exactly!” A pistol pokes you in the back. Jake’s back. “We’re much too brawny to go down without a good tussle.” 

“You’d think that,” You breathe. “But I ain’t goin’ anywwhere wwithout him!” You gesture to the Crow’s Nest, Jade’s line of sight following. “And I’ll do wwhatevver it takes to keep him safe.” 

“Well, you better work faster.” Kankri’s falling. 

     You can’t afford to be neat and civil now. You dig your teeth into Jade’s arm, tearing a good chunk of flesh from her, crimson smearing your face. She audibly wails and retracts from you. You reach through the shrouds and grip Jake’s wrist, snapping his arm in half and stealing his pistol before dropping from the ropes. You roll onto the deck and back onto your feet, sprinting as you track his descent. Don’t worry, I’ve got you. 

     You drop to your knees as Kankri drops into your arms. You pull him close and keep him on the ground as you crouch over him, sweat and blood dripping onto his face. Your fin flickers at the swish of metal, but you’re quicker to the draw. 

“ NO! ” You fire square at the hilt of the katana, flinging it out of Dirk’s grip and into the floorboards. “Step the fuck back! That… none a this wwas agreed to!” Suddenly, everyone is looking at you with concern and confusion. You throw the pistol overboard in your frustration. “This wwas supposed to be for me , but you had no right to put Kankri in harm’s wway.” 

“Eridan, this was—” 

“No, Maryam, don’t you talk dowwn to me.” You clutch Kankri tighter in your arms, not leaving your borderline feral posture. “You guys havve no fuckin’ right to put my moirail in harm’s wway, I wwon’t let you! I—” 

     Your boiling rage made you shoot off at the mouth. Now no one knows how to talk to you or how to approach you. Did you just declare someone your property? You’re covered in blood and you have flesh between your teeth. You got carried away over someone that isn’t even yours. You drop onto your ass and take a claw over Kanrki’s binding. He sits up, but you don’t stick around. You hurt people. You were out of control. You’re nothing but a senseless beast. Is this what they were making you out to be? Are all of your efforts just you being brought back to where you started? You need to think about this. You retreat inside and lock yourself in the bathroom. 

     Day 283 

ņ̷͋̏n̶͈͝ṇ̴̳̋g̴̳̹ ̴͉͍̇m̷͍̞̙̀́a̵̤̱̻͛
̷̨̛͖j̷̛̲̋a̵̭͐͜ľ̷̡̯͔̔̋ų̶͖̊̿ͅ ̴̛̜̅͝n̷̡͖͎̑̓n̸̛̹̫̰̄͒n̸̺̓̉̈́g̸̡̰͊̈́̆ ̶̝̀͠m̶̲͑̆̊a̷͕̣̐̉ ̸̼͌̌e̵̫p̸̥͎̈̊h̴̳͂̔̍å̴̟̲̘͑ȉ̴̧̏͒

̵̨̘̥̌̍n̶̦̲̋̈n̵̞̫͍̑̑n̵̡̳̔͝g̸̾̂͜ ̴̷̼͈̜͈̇͋͢͜͝i̷̢̜̎̍̎’̶̷̡̝̠̟̓̔̽̋͢j̷͙͉̖̽ ̵̗̺̾̽̍ḥ̵̹͛̆å̶̦̮̕i̸̝̺̪͗
̷̰̔̉̈́g̸̤̏͊̎ŏ̷̺̮k̷̥̞̳̈̑̇å̷̜ ̴̺̱̟̓͝m̴͉̦̭͗͌̕a̴͇̺̬͌̔ ̵͍̻̖̚w̶̡̑ì̴͕̔̏r̴̘̽̂g̵̟͎̦̔̊̋
̴͍͕̀ọ̶̥̣̔͒͠t̴͎͚̠̾̈́o̶̅̂̒ͅt̷̡̪̃͐ ̴̞̾ṫ̵̪̳͔'̶̖̝̟̇t̵̨̊̔̅ ̶̡͝n̸̨͍̒͌’̸̲̖͒̿̽͜g̸͖̪̙͝ĥ̵̙̳̉ͅf̵͍̠̎̓ṫ̷͓̆
̶͘ẙ̸͇̟̟a̷͔̐͐ ̵̬̰̉ ̷͓̙̒j̵͎̝̻̈́̽̾o̴̦͑̈́̂ĩ̴͝ͅt̵̬͊̔'̸͙̈́͜t̶͍͖͝ ̸̡͖͂̈́b̷̼̺͗̅u̸̪̘͠g̵̳̦̳̎
̶̙̈́͝k̶̼̼̓̑̀ä̵̤͗l̷̖̐̔̕ ̸̗̦͑̑j̷̘̲̪̏͝͝ö̷͔́i̶͉͓̿ṯ̵̘̤̾͐'̴̟͌̾ͅt̵͛͜ ̷̢̥̺͂̊b̷͔̝̻̃̈́u̶̱̮̔̈́̿ͅĝ̷̰̎̏

“Eridan?” Kankri softly knocks at the study door. “Can we please talk about what happened? Just you and me?” 

     That’s the last thing I want. 

-   ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

     The following wipes don’t prove to be any easier for you. You refuse to make eye contact with anyone and even when you do bring your head up, Kankri’s the only one that’s looking at you. All the more reason to keep your head down. Dirk and Roxy don’t seem to mind much of what happened that night, but the other three haven’t really been here. Even with the last few visits you’ve gotten from Cronus, Dirk and Kankri are the only ones that seem to help. Lucky for you, at least he seems to be running out of material for you, or at the very least he’s getting bored. 

“Okay, Eridan. Everyone’s gone. It’s just us. I’d really like for us to talk about the sparring drill from a few perigees ago. “ 

“Door’s open.” You mumble as he gingerly presses the door open. “You’re up early.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” He starts perusing your books. “And what about you? You need your rest, too.”

“They think I’m a monster.”

“No they don’t.” He dismisses calmly. “They’re giving you space.” 

“They hate me, I know they do.”

“I know, for the most part, that they don’t.” You look at him quizzically. “Well, to be fair, Jade has had something of an agenda against you.”

“Then wwhy—”

“I don’t know, don’t ask me.” 

     The room falls back to silence. You let your vision fade in front of the obnoxious glow of your monitor, focusing on nothing. You don’t want to be aware of anything, but Kankri’s been here long enough now that you’re always attentive to everything he does. You can hear the lightweight in his steps, his fingers brushing against the spines of old books, the hemming and hawing as he searches for the right thing to say to get you talking again. Not because you don’t trust him, but because the slightest change in the weight of his footsteps or subtle click of frustration tells more than it needs to about what he’s feeling. 

     And right now, you know he feels unsure of what to do with you. So you might as well break the silence for him. 

“Did you come here askin’ for an apology?” You bark. 

“No.” 

“Did you come here askin’ for my next journal entry?”

“No.” 

 “Did you come here askin’ for a ride back to your hivve?” 

“No.”

     With this, you return to the stiff silence. What else could he be here for? He’s uneasy for a fact. And you know when he’s uneasy, he only talks to you when he needs something. His attention has finally left your bookshelf and he is resting by the window. 

“You ain’t one to hold back, Kankri. I knoww you wwell enough to see you got somethin’ you wwanna talk about, so…” 

“Can you at least look at me?” 

“I look like hell.”

“I don’t care.” 

     You spin your chair so you’re now facing him. Your hair is unruly and your eyes are dark from a lack of sleep. But, looking at Kankri now, he doesn’t look much better than you. 

“I had no idea it was this bad for you.” 

“Wwhat?”

“I saw everything from up there, Eridan. And watching how you fought, seeing you turn yourself against your friends—”

“They’re not my friends—”

“It was harrowing to witness what your Orphaning years were potentially like.” He looks at his hands, as if pondering the potential scenarios. “And anything could’ve happened that day. If they weren’t God Tiered, I’m certain they would be dead, wouldn’t they?” 

“Of course.” You don’t mince words.”I had to give it evverythin’ I had.”

“I’m so sorry.” He whimpers. 

“Wwhy are you sorry? It wwasn’t your fault.” 

“No, but…” He sits down next to you. “I feel as though that could’ve been handled better. Things got out of hand and, as consequence, you may have regressed in your rehabilitation.” 

“Wwhat makes you say that?”

“You’re not talking to me anymore. We don’t talk anymore. You’re avoiding me like I did something to convince you that I hated you.” You stay quiet. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trigger you by bringing up a potentially upsetting topic, I—” He’s fidgeting with his hands. Very unusual for him. “I need you to be okay.” ... Need? “I-I know you think that was a spur of the moment comment, but,” His hand skittishly reaches for yours.

     And you let him take it. 

“I know… I know you meant it.”

“Howw…?”

“Eridan. You do know I’m a Seer of Blood, right?” No, no I did not. How much do you know, Kankri? “You haven’t told me everything, but I know there’s so much more to your story than you’ve been letting on. Eridan, it’s almost been half a sweep. Don’t you think I deserve to know?”

“Knoww wwhat?”

“Why you won’t let your moirail in?” You jump away and onto your feet. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t… You don’t wwant that, Kankri. I’m the wworst troll that stepped foot in that quadrant.” As you start backing away, he carefully moves closer to you, his eyes locked with yours. “You don’t wwant to wwaste your time on someone like me.” 

“Eridan, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. We’ve talked about this before, remember?” You’re against the wall. “I can see you for who you truly are, Eridan. I see you for what you’ve done and who you’ve done it to and why. You keep going on about how you’re not worth anything and you should be left to rot, but I know that’s not true.” 

     He firmly takes a hold of your scarf, pulling you down to his level. His words cut like a knife and his eyes are burning through you. You don’t dare break eye contact with him as he takes your hands in his. It’s as though he is trying to melt your icy exterior away with such ease. You swallow, your legs weak and your heart sinking into your gut again. You’re holding back tears like your life depends on it. But, at this point, you can’t hold back anymore. You hate how this is happening and you hate that you are succumbing to it. You let yourself drop into his warm embrace and he is willing and ready to accept you, holding you in his lap as he shooshes and paps you all the while. If he sees a problem, you will commit to fixing it... You just hope he doesn’t care about you in the way you’re thinking. 

     Don’t say it. Please, Kankri, please don’t say it. 

“I'm going to prove you wrong.”

Day 311

     I have a moirail again. ♢

Chapter Text

     It’s been ages since you’ve been out on open waters. Wind in your hair, the helm in your hands. This reminds you of when you were younger, back before your path in life was decided for you. You can’t help feeling nostalgic for those times, ruling the seas and challenging those who stood in your way. It was a rush! The salty sea air brushing against your gills, the moonlights shimmering on the waters, the aching creaking of the floorboards under your feet. This is what you needed. You’re starting to feel better about everything already! 

     That is, until you’re reminded that you have a crew in tow. 

“I still don’t see why I need to be here.” Jade whines, tuning her bass. 

“Listen, you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to,” Dirk dismisses, setting up his soundboard. “Roxy and I could’ve done this without you.” 

“That’s not true, Dirk, and you know it,” Roxy hums, swaying idly as she looks over the edge of the ship. “This is like a big milestone for Eridan. He’s been makin’ a lot a progress and I think you guys should be here for it!”

“But I don’t really care.” She shrugs, returning her focus to her bass. 

“You cared enough to make a deal with Dirk to help, so…” She leans against the railing, shrugging. “You know. I’ll totally call you out on that.” Jade only responds with an agitated sigh. 

“I do appreciate your help with all of this.” Kankri pipes up. “I doubt he would’ve made as much progress without a proper support group.” You can’t help smiling to yourself at that. You’re trying your damnedest to keep your fins still in front of the group. “Not to mention, I feel that doing the next few entries for his journal would be more productive for him to just collectively bundle them into something of a more productive activity.”

“Which is… performing in a ragtag band?” Jade challenges. 

“Why not, right?” Roxy dismisses, adjusting a camera. “Less depressing than him burying his nose in a book all day.” Not 

“Exactly my point!” Kankri chimes. “So, where are we going, exactly.” 

“Ah, right!” She beams. “Well, I took it upon myself to get him somethin’ that’s he’s been wanting for quite a while now.” 

“And it’s in the middle of the ocean?”

“Shh! I don’t want to spoil the surprise.” 

     No… There’s no way that’s where we’re going. She’s bluffing. I’m calling her bluff. Nothing but bluff, I guarantee it. 

     I hope she’s not bluffing. 

     You step away from the helm, letting Jake take over as you take your seat with your group. You let your hands find their home on the keys as you look over your piano. This ‘entry’ is dedicated to your rampage on the meteor. Of all the things you did, that has been the blade hanging over your head with every conversation and every interaction you have. You want to resolve yourself from your old ways. You don’t want to be that Ampora anymore. You know no one else is going to see this, but you want to lift this weight and move the fuck on. And you can only hope that with the few people here witnessing your repentance, that word may get around that people can start to trust you again. 

     But who’s to say? They’ve done so much already; you’re not going to ask for more than you already have. 

“Roxy,” Jake hollers. “I think I see it.”

“Yep, go right for it!” She calls back and starts recording. “Eridan, go for it.”

     You keep the rhythm slow and sincere. You pour out your shame and guilt for your reckless crimes. Regardless of the events and developments that lead to that day, the blood on your hands was undoubtedly shed by you and you alone. But things weren’t supposed to end in that kind of finality that day. You really were trying to steer your friends to a better life. But that backfired like everything else. You just hope this doesn’t backfire, too. You pray to the Outer Gods that this doesn’t backfire. You don’t think you could handle another dirty hand from the universe. At that point, you would just yank your heart out of your chest so you wouldn’t have to feel or yearn for those hopes anymore. But you can’t think of that now. Because now, you are playing and singing your heart out until, finally, you are shrouded in darkness and silence. 

     This is the opportunity you were waiting for. 

     You step away from the piano and move towards the camera. This song, albeit short, this something you need to get off your chest. Off all the things you’ve done, only one troll has been an agonizing weight on your chest. And today, you’re deciding to let him go. You let your biolum come to your eyes, you withdraw Cro’s old guitar, and you slowly strum. As you sing, you can’t help but take notice of exactly where you are. The sounds of your melody are lighting up the darkness, glittering and shimmering, fluctuating with the notes and the sound of your voice. Your heart skips a beat when you realize it: Roxy managed to bring the caverns back for you. But you press on and sing to the camera like you’re with him at this moment. You sing like he might see this someday. You sing like this is a mourning prayer and your dying wish. And in this moment, that’s exactly how it feels. A goodbye that you’re not technically giving, but it aches all the same. A forgiveness that you know will never come to you. And that pierces your heart like a hooked spear. Your voice cracks, you start to tear up, your hands tremble and your gaze shifts to the floor with the last note. Before you can hold your head in your hands, Kankri’s hands are there to meet you instead, Dirk and Jade filling the silence and rounding off the song for you as you cry into your moirail’s arms. 

     Your session of self-pity is cut short when the ship comes to an abrupt stop. 

“Hey!” You call out, wiping your eyes. “Take it easy, English!” 

“My apologies, Eridan.” he calls back, stepping back down to the main deck. “I think that’s as far as she’s going to go. Guess we better take to the dinghies!” 

“No.” All footsteps come to a stop. “This is… this is somethin’ I gotta do alone.” 

“Why?” Kankri, grabs your hand, insistently prodding. “Eridan, where is this place?” 

“I… I can’t tell you.” He’s not going to let go with that vague answer and you know it. “This place is… kinda special to me.” 

“Oh! Like a sacred ruin?” Jake bounces at the opportunity. “Eridan, I must insist I come with you!” 

“Hey, guys?” Roxy chimes. “I think we should let him go.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding, Roxy!” Jade snaps. 

“This ain’t our place, Jade. But I think he needs to do this. Somethin’s tellin’ me that he needs this right now.” The silence serves as begrudging compliance. “Go on, Ampora. I hope I got everything here just the way you left it.” 

     You continue onto the lifeboat and begin your descent. 

“But we’ll come in there if we think something’s up, so don’t waste time!” You just sigh at Jade’s threat as you reach the luminescent waters below. Why is she always on my case?  

“Eridan!” Kankri almost falls over the edge calling down to you. “Please be careful in there!” 

“It’ll be fine, Kanrki,” You laugh as you start to row inward. “I ain’t in any danger. Not here.” 

     The water glitters with bright biolum with every stroke of the oars, outlining your path to the depths of the cavern. And once you reach the center pool, you are met with feelings of euphoria and melancholy. You reflexively light up when the boat rocks from a loud groan bellowing from the depths. You didn’t think you’d ever come back to this place, and you certainly didn’t expect to see her again. 

     She got everything right...

     You close your eyes and let yourself fall overboard to greet she who lies beneath the surface. You let yourself sink into her arms and wrap around you, plunging you down until you are the only source of light in the abyss. 

     I missed you. 

-   ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

“Okay, Eridan. You need to be honest with me.” 

     Kankri hasn’t been stern like this in wipes. Whatever it is, you’re sure this means a lot to him to know. Especially since he’s talking to you about this in the middle of a documentary he’s been pressing to watch with you. But of course you’re going to give him an ear and see what he needs. But, at this point, what could you possibly try to lie to him about? You’ve been pretty straightforward with him this far, so why back out now? 

“Uh, alright.” You sit up and pause the movie. “Wwhat’s up, Kankri?” 

“I’ve been thinking over the relationships we’ve discussed thus far.” 

“Uh huh...?”

“And I couldn’t help but notice you’re avoiding talking about my dancestor.” 

     I don’t suppose this would be a good time for me to back out? 

“Kankri, wwe uh…” You can’t help a nervous laugh feigning a weak smile on your face. “Wwe’vve talked about evverythin’ and evveryone else… Wwhy are wwe only talkin’ about him noww? It’s almost been a full swweep noww.”

“So you are avoiding the subject?” 

“No, absolutely not.”

“Eridan, need I remind you lying to a Seer of Blood isn’t a smart idea?” He gets up and, oh lovely , you haven’t gotten a lecture in a good while. You know he’s not only been waiting to talk to you about Karkat, but he’s most likely ready with speculation and theory. You sit down, shut up, and just let him go. “I didn’t think I would have to explain this, but with you being my moirail, I can’t help but feel I should be able to lay out my thought process for you. The more we spent time together, the more I believe I’ve been able to improve on my Seer abilities.”

“Kankri, are you godtier?”

“That’s not the focus of the conversation, please do not interrupt.” He sits down in front of the low table with his notebook, drawing a sub-par silhouette in black ink. “The more I’ve spent time with you, the more I’ve noticed how many connections you’ve severed.” He takes a red pen, making lines going to your hands, feet, chest, and neck. “Whether it’s your dancestor, your former heiress, your victims or former relationship pursuits, they’re all frayed and severed.” He returns to the black pen, crossing out one red line at a time until… “That is, all except this one.” his pen stops at the thinnest line he drew. “It’s not a strong connection, but it’s still present nonetheless. And I would like to know what your relation to Karkat is?”

“I mean…” I have no fucking idea what we are anymore. “Wwe used to be friends. Wwe used to be pretty close.” You shrug. “I havven’t really spoken to him since I wwas revvivved.”

“That’s interesting…” He ponders, capping the pen. 

“Wwhy, has he asked about me?” He quirks a brow at you. Little too eager… “I mean—” 

“Do you miss him?” 

“I… wwould be lyin’ if I said I hadn’t thought about him.” 

“Why don’t you try messaging him?”

“I don’t knoww, guilt? Shame? Fear?” 

“ Fear? ”

“Last wwe spoke, he made a vvoww to kill me if he evver saww me again.” 

“And yet you won’t sever the connection. Why?”

“I mean, I’d like to see him again but—”

“You don’t want him around the abduction business you’re involved with, do you?” 

“No.”

“But the rest of us are individuals you’re willing to sacrifice?” 

“ No! ” You stand up and he is just as quick onto his feet. “Wwhy wwould you say somethin’ like that? Did I do somethin’?” 

“Eridan, the first day I was here, I knew you were expecting Karkat. That much was blatantly obvious. I also knew that it was all a setup your Serket put into place as some kind of joke… I could’ve left that day. I didn’t have to stick around.” Your chest and head are pounding. You’re very puzzled. Is he trying to break up with you? “But, if anything was made apparent to me that day, it was that fact that you had no one.” 

“ Thanks .”

“I didn’t mean that to offend you. I meant that you had no connections, no support group, no obligations… but you did have someone you were staying loyal to.” He gestures again to the thin, red line on the paper. “It took some deductive reasoning, but I was eventually able to figure out who you were swearing allegiance to. So, what did you swear on?”

“That’s somethin’ between me an’ him, Kankri.” 

“But if you don’t want to see him again, why keep it a secret?”

“I do wwant to see him.”

“Then call him .”

“He wwants nothin’ to do wwith me, Kankri.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because if he wwanted to see me, he wwould’vve messaged me by noww.”

“Does he know you’re alive?” 

     You haven't thought about that day in a while. He wasn't there the day you were revived. You would think he would want to oversee everything when it came to the start of a new planet, but he probably didn’t care enough to see you. Do you blame him, though? He’s a busy guy and always has five other things to worry about at once. Why add onto it? 

“No… and it’s probably better off that wway.” Kankri sighs in defeat and slumps back into the couch. 

“If you insist, Eridan, then I won’t pry.” He pats the seat next to him and you sit with him. “But I hope, once all of this chaos settles, you’ll at least tell him you’re alive. Or I will.” He holds your hand snugly, looking at you with a gentle smile. “Can you do that much for me?” 

     Now that’s dirty , Kankri. He only grabs your hand and flashes that look when he wants something from you. The look that says ‘I worry and just want what I think is best for you.’ Granted, that’s his job as your moirail, but why is it always so easy for him to get you to bend in his favor? He’s playing your heart like a damn fiddle and fuck, it’s working. Like always. 

“Once evverythin’ settles…” You kiss the back of his hand. “But not a moment before.” 

     His face gets bright red, but he doesn’t pull away this time. He just squeezes your hand tighter, his claws digging into the back of your hand as he takes a deep breath. You can see him turn his head away to try to hide his blush, but it spreads to his ears so quickly. He does this with every pale gesture you try to extend; he’s only just getting used to holding your hand. You may have overstepped. You’re ready to apologize and get your lecture. 

     But instead, he swiftly pulls your hand to his face and just barely presses a kiss onto it. When he finally looks back to you, your fins are fanned out in surprise. 

“Oh, come off it,” he scoffs, gently tapping your fins to slack. “We’ve been together long enough and… I feel comfortable enough with you.” 

“Evven though I’m just another Ampora?” 

“No,” He huffs, resting in your arms. Making bold decisions tonight, Vantas. “I was wrong to assume you were anything like Cronus, and I apologize for that.” He leans forward for the remote, pulling a blanket onto his lap before returning to your hold. “Are you comfortable?” You nod. He blinks slowly with a smile, pressing play. “Good, we still have three more hours of the History of the Aristocracy to get through.”

Chapter Text

“It’s been nearly a perigee since you’ve let yourself relax, Eridan.” Roxy chides, blocking the door to your study. “I thought you’d been gettin’ better?”

“Yeah, wwell, you knoww I’vve been tryin’ to plan on howw to end things and finally go back to normalcy.” You try to push past her, but as you move, she sways to block you. Damnit, Lalonde, move! “Noww, if you don’t mind, I wwant to get back to it.” 

“I don’t think so.” Her strong body language is terribly contradictory to her kind face. Her smile challenges you to fight her, but her stance guarantees your loss. You don’t think you’ll trifle with that gamble. “I know your moirail’s been gone for a while to go get food—”

“And I already said I wwould go. Fuck, I’d already be back by noww!” 

“But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you regress in his absence. The girls and I were talkin’ and I figured you could come unwind with us outside for a while until he gets back.”

“That sounds like a wwaste a my time.” With a slow blink, her happy demeanor grows tired of the argument. 

“Alright, Ampora. Let’s talk: What plan are you tryin’ to conduct?” 

“Wwell, my rifle and Grimdark abilities ain’t shit to them, and I really don’t wwanna resort to Magics. But, since you brought back the cavverns for me, there’s another wweapon I havve stashed awway that might be wwhat wwe need to tip the scales.” 

“What, like some kinda doomsday device?” 

“Oh, absolutely not . Those alwways failed. It’s not as complicated as you’re makin’ it out to be. If I can just get a hold a that tooth, I could snuff out those tyrants easy.” She raises a brow at you. You don’t blame her, that premise alone sounds ludicrous. “It’s an Orphanin’ Heirloom my mentor passed dowwn to me. Just that one piece a bone struck fear into trolls for swweeps before I took the helm.”

“Do you have any pictures of it?” 

“It’s a tooth, Rox. Hiding away in the piles of gems on the platforms of the cavverns. Not difficult to find.” 

“Okay then, tell you what: I’ll grab that ‘Tyranny-snuffing tooth’ for you. But , that’s under the condition that you’re gonna come hang outside with us on the beach.” She offers her hand, stepping forward from the doorway. “Deal?”

     You would honestly prefer to go it alone. You really don’t want anyone else’s help on this. Not to mention, those caverns are sacred to you. The fact that so many people accompanied you there the other day was already overstepping your comforts, but letting someone into the heart of it and just walk around like they live there? This isn’t a behavior you’re so willing to welcome. You want to swat her hand away and shove her away from your office. You just want everyone to piss off and leave you to your work, because they don’t understand what this means for you. They don’t understand how importance this is to you and they don’t care. 

     But… on second thought, they’ve stuck around for almost a whole sweep. Helping you through this traumatic period in your life and work through some of your worst moments and even helped you grow as a person. If they didn’t care, they would’ve left by now. Not to mention, Roxy has been more than respectful of you and your boundaries in comparison to the other humans. You sense no malice in her. She really does just want to help you. So, why turn her down? But you really don’t want to waste time outside when you could just stay inside… 

“Do I havve to?” 

“Yep.” She grabs your hand and pulls you towards the front door. “Now, c’mon. We’re all waitin’ for ya out there!” 

     Roxy, Porrim, and Jade have had you out here for hours. Granted, it’s not a terrible night to just let your feet soak in the foams of the tide. But it’s getting close to daybreak, and Kankri still isn’t back yet. You’ve been spending this time watching the girls indulge in alcohol and delve into invasive questions with one another. You’ve been trying to dodge these questions and have been pretty successful with getting them to back off. But they’re growing very intoxicated. And with that, more persistent and more perverse. 

“Well, of course this isn’t all of it.” Porrim, giggles. “I’ve got other piercings, too.” 

“What like, uh… What are they called again?” Jade hiccups. “Bulges? You have bulge piercings” 

     I don’t want to be here for this conversation. 

“Yeah, yeah! That’s gotta be wicked!” Roxy exclaimed. “I’ve been thinkin’ a doin’ somethin’ like that, I think that would be kinda cool!”

“Not me,” Jade shudders. “That’s gotta be painful!” 

“It wasn’t that bad for me,” Porrim shrugs, finishing her drink. “I’ve had it done quite a few times, actually. So, it doesn’t bother me at all.” Roxy looks enamored, but Jade just cringes. Then all focus turns to you. “What about you, Eridan? Do you have piercings?” 

     Correction: I don’t want to be part of this conversation! 

“Wwh… What are you talkin’ about? Havven’t you seen enough after havvin’ to help me take those studs outta my bulge perigees ago?”

“Gross, no.” Jade interjects. “I don’t need the mental image of his violet bulge with piercings.” 

“Yeah, but those have long since healed,” She laments, waving you off. “I mean piercings you intentionally got and kept.” 

“Uh, yeah. My ear and fins are pierced.” 

“No way!” Roxy lunges forward, tilting your head and peering into your fins. “I didn’t think you’d be able to do that, they’re so… thin.” 

“It’s not… that big a deal. I mean, most seadwwellers do it, so it’s pretty commonplace.” 

“But, I’m sure that wasn’t the question we were asking, right?” Porrim refreshes her glass. “Do you have any piercings anywhere interesting ?” 

“I wonder if you can do anything with your gills…” 

“No, I don’t.” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I ain’t a masochist”

“Hm.” Porrim watches you as she drinks. “I don’t believe that. I bet there’s something interesting you’re hiding.” 

“Wwhat are you goin’ on about?! I don’t—” 

“ Porrim , that’s… You’re totally onto somethin’!” Roxy gasps, pulling your head into her chest. “Fishhead can get pretty evasive sometimes… So, what do you think he’s hidin’?” She pulls you away, looking down at you maybe a bit too intensely. Can I get any personal space today? 

“Do you think he would have tattoos?” Jade ponders. “You know, something to make him feel like a badass to make up for being a little bitch?”

“Fuck you.” You snap. 

“That would be very unlikely,” Porrim dismisses. “For someone that takes way too much pride in his caste, I doubt he would be one to tarnish his bioluminescent patterns.” 

“His what?” Jade blinks.

“It means he can glow in the dark.” You use this opportunity to push out of Roxy’s hold, but immediately get pulled into Jade’s instead. “What about a crush?”

“Wwhat about a different fuckin’ topic.” You snap, shoving away from the human. 

“No, I know what to ask.” Now Porrim has you in her hold, tilting your head to face her. “Eridan, be honest with me: what fetishes do you have?” You’re furious with their intoxicated invasiveness. What do they care and why do they need to know?! 

“ Excuse me?! ”

“You can either tell me or I can tell them for you.” The girls lean in, their interests piqued. 

“Y-You wwon’t do shit, Maryam. I ain’t got nothin’ to hide.” 

“Then tell me why I found this book in your study?” 

     … Really? You take a breath and sit upright. 

“... It’s a sailing book. Pretty standard issue.” You enunciate with a stern tongue. 

“ Really? ” She questions, opening the book. “Because to me , this looks like a book for tying knots.” 

“Eridan, you’re into bondage?!” Roxy giggles. 

“It ain’t bondage! You gotta learn your knots wwhen you trim the sails, wwhy are you readin’ so hard into this?”

“Because you put a spade next to the bowline and clove hitch.” She turns the book to you, her Jade nail tapping on the page. “And I find that… awfully convenient?”

“I’d thank you to not go lookin’ through my shit.” you snarl, snatching the book away. She only gives you a bemused look as you flush violet. “And wwhat’s it to you, anywway? Not like I got anyone to do this shit wwith.” 

“Perhaps not…” 

“ But, You dodged a question before!” Roxy interjects. “I know you got someone in mind for all that shit, so who is it?” This was an incredible waste of my time . You focus on keeping your fins still, getting up. 

“I’m goin’ inside.” 

     You let their laughter roll off your shoulder as you head hiveward. They better get it all out now, because you know things won’t stay so saccharine for long. You hope that Roxy is sober enough to remember the promise she made to you before. She cannot let this slip; lives are at stake. 

-    ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

     Another night, another routine. Wake up, exfoliate, shower. You change your bandages and check on stitches from previous injuries. As you stand under the stream, you look over yourself for new cuts and bruises that you need to treat. You haven’t had anything as bad as when things first began, but you need to take care of yourself. Something about self-worth improving mental health? Whatever, fake it until I make it, right? You aren’t sure what’s going to be on your agenda today. Most likely, more training with the humans and feelings jams with your moirail. 

     Why bother patching up if they’re just going to cut me up some more? 

     No, no. You can’t think like that anymore. Sure, you’re getting beat up and your situation seems helpless now, but it’s all going to be worth it in the end. With all the scars and pain you endure, you’re certain you’re going to come out on top of all of this. Once you figure out a way to get away from all of this and have your life back, this will all just fade into obscurity. You just have to keep your head held high and level. Because with your new friends at your side, you can beat this. No matter how long it’s going to have to take. 

     Is that too generous of me to call them my friends? 

     You don’t think so. You really do think they’ve become your friends. It may not seem like it, but you’ve started to develop relationships with each of them… Well, most of them. You still struggle with Harley. What’s her deal with you, anyway? Everything from the game should be water under the bridge. What else did you do to piss her off? 

     Do the others share her sentiments? Do they know something you don’t? 

     That would explain why no one has been here for a few days. Maybe she was able to get everyone to go home. All except your moirail, of course. You know Kankri is never one to shy away from conversations like that. If everyone turned against you, he would tell you before your self-doubt could get the chance. 

     I’m thinking too much. 

     You dress your wounds and scrub your face in the sink. Your hips sway idly as you hum to yourself. You need to hurry and wake Kankri up. He was supposed to be up 10 minutes ago, but you needed this extra time to yourself. You’re sure he won’t mind. You quickly toss on your robe and head up to your wardrobe. Once you’re behind the closed door, Cronus is there to greet you. You freeze in place, but all he does is laugh at your embarrassment. 

“You’re bein’ awvfully cold to me, babe.” He taunts. “Vwhat’s got the chip on your nub, huh?” He tries to tilt your face to look at him, but you quickly swat it away. 

“I ain’t scared a you.” 

“You vwon’t evwen look at me.” You say nothing. “So, tough guy. You gonna try to be a big man an’ fight me or are you gonna go peacefully? Because I can take you there piece by piece, if I need to.” 

“I—”

“Eridan? Is everything okay?” Your wardrobe’s door is pressed open, Kankri on the other side. He freezes when he sees Cronus… neither of them move. What is happening? 

“... Kanny? ” 

“I asked you not to call me that.” He retorts, crossing his arms. “Might I ask why you’re antagonizing your dancestor so much? What are you gaining from this”

“Vwell, uh…” He rubs the back of his head, stepping away from you. “It’s just howv vwe are, you knowv?”

“I’ve been made aware.” He glares. “That doesn’t excuse anything.” 

“You can spare me your lecture, I ain’t gonna be here long. Just here to vwisit and see if he vwants to… come hang out vwith me.” The deceit of his grin makes you shiver. The kind nature he’s easily able to put on and have it mean nothing. 

“I apologize if that was your intention, but he’s not going anywhere with you.” 

“Really?” He turns to Kankri instead. Oh fuck. “And, might I ask, vwhat are you doin’ at our hivwe?”

     You can see Cronus trying to back Kankri up against a wall, going toe to toe with him. Much to your surprise, Kankri stands his ground and even pushes Cronus back a few steps. You haven’t seen Kankri get upset like this since you first met. So dismissive of his threats, like he doesn’t care. He looks tired of Cronus and it’s only been a few minutes. 

“Certainly not to ask you for a second date, that’s for certain.” You what?!  

“Huh… Must be a party of somethin’, then? I don’t recall bein’ invwited. Is it someone’s vwrigglin’ day?” You know that tone, he’s playing dumb to egg him on. You hope he doesn’t take the bait. 

“That’s beside the point.” 

“Vwell, I just don’t get it: vwhat reason could you possibly hawve to be here vwith my fuck-up dancestor?” 

“I already spoke to you about this, Cronus.” He exasperates. You didn’t… “I said I was taking the opportunity at our second chance at life to broaden my horizons and further explore what the world has to offer.” 

“Wwait, wwhat?” 

“I was wrong in pursuing a concupiscent relationship with you. That was too much and too soon. You were much too forward and…” He scans Cronus, scoffing. “... I can see you didn’t take it well, if you’re taking it out on Eridan.” 

“So, vwhat, you left me for him ?”

“Please, don’t flatter yourself. One casual date does not mean we had a formal or exclusive relationship of any kind.” He looks at you with such a kind smile. You’re a fucking fool, and you will be the death of me. You feel yourself paling at his words. “If anything, I’m glad I got away from you when I had the chance. Eridan is kinder and much more considerate than you could ever hope to be.” 

“Hope?” Cronus laughs heartily. “Don’t lecture me about hope. I had hopes for you. For us . And you knowv vwhat?” You swallow a growl when he drops his hand on Kankri’s shoulder. “I still do.” He’s not enthused in the slightest, plucking the offending hand away from his person. 

“There is no ‘us’, Cronus.” 

“Maybe not nowv… But that’s somethin’ I can easily change.” 

“You ain’t takin’ him anywhere, Cro.” You step forward, but he grips Kankri into his arms. “Let him go.” 

“Vwhy, am I takin’ your little fuck toy avway? Is that vwhy you don’t havwe fun vwith me anymore?” 

“We ain’t matesprits.” 

“We’re just moirails, Cronus.” 

     You have no idea what you just did, Kankri. 

     The look between you and your dancestor lasts for a brief moment, but the light in his eyes tells you everything that he’s planning and how he plans to start. He’s going to take your moirail away. You have no weapons, no Magics, nothing to protect either of you. There’s not a single incantation you could execute quick enough to save him. If you’re going to break Kankri out of his hold, you need to do it yourself and you need to do it now. You need to be fast. You need to stop him. You need to break Kankri free. You just need to think. You need to conjure up some kind of plan that gets you two out of this safe and in one piece. 

“Is that right? Vwell, why don’t vwe go celebrate then? Just the tvwo of us.” 

     You lunge forward to grab for Cronus, but with the flick of his wrist, he slips through your fingers. And he takes Kankri with him. You over-thought it. You hesitated. You waited too long and you let him get away. You can only dread what’s going to happen to him. You drop to your knees, pouring yourself out to the Outer Gods. You recite every incantation and prayer in hopes that they answer. You receive nothing but silence. You have no one to help you or Kankri. You might as well be back at square fucking one. You can’t think. You can’t breathe. You can’t focus. All you can do is scream and let your claws dig into your scalp until blood and tears run down your face. Your white robe becomes dirty with the stains of your failure. 

     You are inconsolable.

Chapter Text

     Day 500

     Since Kankri was taken, I haven’t had a single visit. I don’t know what this means for me, if everything will be over or if Cronus will return for me after he gets bored. I said I would protect him and keep him out of harm’s way, and yet that’s most likely where he is now. Is he still alive? Are they taking care of him? If only I had any idea of how to get to that ethereal place, but I wouldn’t have a clue of where to start. Maybe I’m overthinking things. Maybe they let him go and he’s back at his hive? But he would probably tell me about something like that. I should go there to check, but what if they don’t know he’s been here. I doubt he’s been staying in touch with Kar. Is this what he wanted? Did he want Kanrki for himself all because of a bad first date? Will I finally be free? I should feel relief, but something tells me this is only the beginning. 

     Day 555

     Dirk and Jade are the only ones that are sticking around. I’ve been breaking into psychotic episodes and they’ve been the only two that can keep me in check, or at the very least they can handle me. I know that Dirk doesn’t necessarily care about me, moreso this would be another achievement for him to brag about to others. You’ve overheard him speaking with Jade, looking forward to the day he tames the beast and makes me human. We still fight and train, but his goals are becoming all the more confusing. Am I being made into someone new or is he trying to reform the Ampora of Alternia? Whatever his plans, he’s still committed. As for Jade, I don’t know why she’s still here, but it must have something to do with the pact they made so long ago. With the time we spend together, she hasn’t warmed up to me. She still sees me as a murderer and a ruthless creep, but I’m not sure how else to convince her that that’s not me anymore. Well, it’s the me I’m trying to shed, anyway. I wonder if she sees that. Maybe she sticks around because she wants to witness that miracle? She always talks of leaving, especially since I almost ripped her arm off, yet she never does. I’ll give her that much, she’s a bitch of her word. That’s more than I can say for myself. And for that, she will always have my respect. 

-   ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

     Day 609

     I’m alone. Everyone has given up hope. On me, on Kankri, on themselves. I had no way to keep that hope kindled. After all, how can I convince anyone that we have hope when I’m uniquely qualified to recognize when all hope is lost. And it has been for a couple of perigees now. 

     You’re sitting on the floor in your room, situated in front of a full-body mirror with a small black box in your lap. You didn’t want to reach this point of desperation, but you have no choice. This is the only way you can beat this. You hesitate to remove the lid. 

     What’s making you hold back?

     The contents of this box contain the very tool that unwound you as an individual. The way it made you feel, the weight of the burden you were left with, the blood that stained the very threads of your life... 

     It made your head rush from its power. 

     It makes you fear how much further you will fall if you do this again. You can’t take another innocent life like you used to. You aren’t wired for it anymore. 

     But you miss it, don’t you? 

     You hate it. You don’t want anything to do with that wretched bloodlust again. 

“Then vwhy is it in your hand, babe?”

     You scramble to your feet, pushing away for distance, your wand brandished and aimed directly at Cronus, who’s walking with you as you continue to move away from him. 

“Damn, Danny, back at it again with the VWhite Magics? You’re so desperate for your next cullin’ spree, you’re takin’ it out on me?”

“Where is he?”

“Oh, I see.” He laughs, amused. “Not gonna let me hear that darlin’ accent a yours?”

“It ends here, Cro.” 

“Does it?” He crosses his arms, smiling at you. “Howv’s that?” 

“You ain’t gonna torment me anymore. Here and now. You will die.” 

“Mm hmm.” He hums dismissively. “And vwhat about your moirail, hmm? Howv you gonna get him back if I can’t take you to him?” 

“I’d figure it out!” You snap. 

“You vwouldn’t, babe. You ain’t got a damn clue vwhere vwe are or howv to get there.” 

“And what, you think I’m gonna just team up with you?” 

“Vwell, that depends.” He steps closer, reaching out to you. “Vwhat does he mean to you?”

Chapter Text

     You’re back here again. Naked. Alone. Shrouded in darkness. You cannot move. It’s not rope or chains or anything that was used before. But you are unable to budge from your current position; you’re sitting on your feet, your arms pinned behind your back. You don’t understand. You came here on your own volition, not a weapon on you. Why are you being kept this way? How long have you been here? A few days, maybe a wipe? You don’t know what to anticipate. Are they going to swap the two of you out? Did you just get screwed on this? You shouldn’t have come here alone. 

     As if you had a choice. 

-   ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

“Day 612. My final letter. In my time on Abridgtous, I have been raked through the teeth of the Furthest Ring, being forced to atone for my misdeeds for as long as I’ve taken my second breath. My body aches from retribution. And now, I am at my wit’s end. There was so much I wish I could take back, but nothing can do to make up for the havoc I’ve wrought on so many lives.  And now everyone’s getting a second chance for a better life and… and I have no right to that. Even when I was revived, the troll I wanted to be there the most didn’t bother to see me. Not that I blame him. He’s probably moved on to someone that’s better for him than me. Willing to bet he’s not even on this planet and he ran off to Earth with one of the humans. Even if he ain’t with me, I just hope that he’s happy. Though I never deserved it, I cherished every word and waking moment he gave me. I haven’t had a trace of regret for the time that I’ve spent with him…  That I’ve thought of him… I miss him...”

     A large, metal door swings open, the faint glow of another room tracing Cronus’s silhouette in front of you. It’s time. 

“Hey, Danny boy. Good newvs from the boss. Vwe got one last thing for you and you can be gone for good. Howv does freedom sound to you?” 

     Like a trap… but I won’t say no. I will do anything it takes to leave this place. 

Chapter Text

     You follow Cronus out of your cellar door down a narrow, dimly-lit hallway. The walls glow from the light bursting from the door at the end of your path. You squint as your eyes adjust from total darkness to bright red. As you draw closer to the door, you can see the window is in the shape of a heart. What a joke . 

“Grand Highblood’s impressed vwith howv much you’vwe changed.” 

“... Thank you.” 

“Yeah, see? Shit like that. Vwery impressed. And I’m sure you can’t vwait for your final task, huh?”

“... I’m ready an wwillin’.”

 “Great!” He opens a small closet, grabbing a lump of sheer fabric and gold. “So, in that case, I’m sure I don’t gotta tell you vwhat all a this is, right?” 

“Of course not.” Courtship garbs. All of which you are required to wear. 

 “So, that means you knowv vwhat’s about to happen…?” 

“... I do.” A betrothal. Which, in Seadweller terms, is just a nicer word for enslavement. He’s arranging a ‘betrothal’ for you. Too bad that isn’t how any of this works. It’s best that you don’t correct him. You’ve got one foot out the door, and you’re going to hold onto this loophole so whoever he arranges you with will be guaranteed an invalid union. Just get it over with. 

“Vwery good. And since you’re bein’ so vwell-behavwed, I’ll even help you with this.” He holds the bundle open for you to get to the jewelry. This is MY jewelry! You warped and broke the living hell out of it! “And, since you knowv exactly vwhat this is, you ain’t really gonna need me to tell you anythin’, are you?” 

“No.” You clip the small chains to your fins, slip the cuffs and chains where they need to be. Just as you thought: this isn’t legitimate. There’s not as much gold here as there should be. Or fabric, for that matter. You know how this is supposed to go, but this isn’t it. So, what is he really making you do? 

“And you’re gonna make sure you do it right , yeah?” You can’t guarantee that; you’ve never done anything like this for anyone before. “Vwait, you’re an untapped, ain’t you?” You know damn well you took that from me. “Vwhatvwer, I think you’ll do fine, givwen I’ve taught you evwerythin’ you need to knowv, right?”

“Yes.”

“You ain’t gonna get shy on me nowv, are ya?” He taunts as he finishes… dressing you? All he gave you was a small pair of shorts and sheer sash. Fucking hell, this outfit barely covers anything. “I had to make some changes to vwhat’s customary. Gotta understand vwe do things differently; Vwe don’t praise the Outer Gods here.” What’s the basis of your cult anyway? Adorations in blood and shameless sex? “I mean, it’s basically the same thing. End result is gonna be the same, either vway.” 

     ...Wait. He can’t possibly mean—

“Alright, that should be about it.” He smiles, smacking you on the ass. “As soon as you’re done, you’ll be sent back to your hivwe. And hey, as a showv a good faith, I’ll let you keep the outfit vwhen you’re done.” Prick, this is all mine already. “Nowv, get in there and showv our newv friend a good time.” He opens the door and shoves you inside. “Nowv, behavwe for me, okay babe?” You hear the door lock behind you as he sings giddily down the hall. “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match~”

     You brace yourself for the brightness of the red lights, but upon entering the room, it’s dark. Looks like they only lined the door window with those bright lights, which barely cascade into your side of the door. Your biolum dimly lights enough for you to take in your immediate space. There’s a little kitchenette, like a small living space. Stove, fridge, what looks to be a bathroom with a luxurious tub. This… Is actually a very nice room. Does someone live here? You think this could be Cro’s room, as you see what he did with your phone and glasses: setting them on a nearby table. Are you testing me? Should I run? Your progress grinds to a halt when you look over to the couch:

     Bare shoulders, nubby horns, and messy hair. He’s here. 

     Did Cro overhear my confession? I don’t want it to be like this, I never wanted this. You just had to pour yourself out to the world like that, didn’t you? Of course you weren’t going to die, not now. They still have plenty of things they can do with you. And today they have fucking overstepped. They cannot force you to induct anyone else, they just can’t. Why isn’t he getting up? Did he hear me come in? He must be mad at you, he probably doesn’t want to acknowledge you. He probably feels betrayed that you let him get wrapped up in your shit. Maybe this is how you’re going to die? They want him to do the dirty work so your last moments cut as deep into your heart as they can. When will I have suffered enough to repent for my sins? Your thoughts are like shackles on your body. You’re left motionless in your anxiety. Speechless. Breathless. You can’t do this. You don’t want him to see you like this. You don’t want him to face you in such a disgusting and forced way. You don’t want this. 

     Please don’t make me do this. 

“... Hello? Is someone there?” Your moirail calls. “Can I please go now?” His voice commands you to breathe and come to his aid. You rush to the other side of the couch to find him naked and bound. He reflexively jerks in a futile attempt to cover himself, almost afraid. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of relief . “Eridan? Oh, thank the Outer Gods. What is going on? Where are we? ...What are you wearing? ” You don’t waste another second and begin to untie him as he continues on. You move as quick as you can. Using your teeth, your claws, even the abrasive side of your horns, but the ropes do not budge. Damnit. “Eridan, how long have I been here? Please, I need you to answer me.” 

     You need to stay calm. You don’t want him to panic. You don’t want him to know what’s going to become of him. You want these last moments to give him some dignity. He trusts you more than anything. With him vulnerable and afraid like this, you need to be his comfort. And you will do whatever is necessary to give that to him. 

     You choose to do what you’re known for: you lie. 

“Uh… yeah, this ain’t exactly somethin’ I wwas plannin, either.” You sigh, sitting next to him. “But wwe both got brought here for a reason.” 

“And it requires us being indecent?” 

“Yeah.” No, it doesn't. “I wwanted to… go over more seadwweller culture wwith you.” 

“You did?” 

“Yeah, this is somethin’ wwe do for quadrant purposes. It’s uh… supposed to be a big deal.” 

“That’s… actually very fascinating.” You’re so fucking gullible, but I’m glad you’re at least enjoying yourself. “So, you must have traditions and rituals for every quadrant, right?” 

“Yeah… Every faction has a different set a rituals.” 

“There are factions to the Aristocracy?” 

“Yeah, I technically ain’t a ‘seadwweller’, that’s just nomenclature to keep things simple.” 

“So… what are you?” 

“That… that ain’t important right noww.” You see his smile falter. You hate to see him this way. You wish he wasn’t naked so you could comfort him better. 

“I don’t understand. Why can’t you tell me? That’s actually something I’d want to learn more about.” 

“Another time.” You force a smile the best you can. “But right noww…?”

“Right right, I’m getting side-tracked. So, this has to do with quadrants and seadweller customs?” I adore you . 

“Yeah.” Hell no, not even close. 

“I guess that would make sense, having us open and vulnerable like this must have some kind of significance to it?” He thinks it over before nodding in agreement. “Yes, okay. This makes perfect sense.” No the fuck it does not! “Well, if that’s the case, don’t let me interrupt any longer.” He sits still, no longer fidgeting or fighting against his restraints. His focus is on you. “Please, proceed. I want to see what’s going to happen.” You wish you didn’t have to. But you take a deep breath and concede. 

“Alright.” You get up, sorting through songs on your phone for something simple and inoffensive. You press play, setting your phone onto the table behind him. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be nervous with me, Eridan. You have nothing to be afraid of. I’m not going to think less of you for what happens. I’ve seen you for who you are. I trust you wholeheartedly.” 

     That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. 

     You can’t waste anymore time. You take a few steps away from Kankri and wait until the music softly plays. Your dance isn’t really anything to blink at, just slow movements with gentle steps and intimate gestures. Though this isn’t extravagant, Kankri hasn’t taken his eyes off of you. It makes you cold to have him watch this display and him not know what he’s really signing up for. You hope this dance is all that you’re being asked to do. Upon the end of your shameless display, he still seems awestruck. You hate how he looks at you like this is something to praise with awe. You should be disgusted with me . 

     But, just as quick as you express shame for his praise, you express concern when he begins to double over. You rush to his side and fight with the ropes again. If anything, they’re harder to untie now than they were before. 

“Kankri, it’s okay, I’m gonna get you outta here. Just hold on!” 

“Eridan…” His voice is shaking . Please don’t cry. I can’t take that on top of all of this. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” You hush, cupping his cheek. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise!” 

“I… I know.”

“...Y-you do?” After all of this, you still trust me? You won't turn me away? 

“Of course.” You see an unsettling grin peel onto his face as he effortlessly slips out of his restraints. He lunges forward, gripping you by the forearms. “Because as you can see:” His eyes… “I’ve never felt better. ” 

     You are overcome with shock. You are unable to fight against what comes next. His hands on you. His body over you. His restraints becoming yours. All that you learned. All this time you’ve spent to prepare yourself for a fight, all of it is doing nothing for you. All that fills your eyes are the wild flicker of pink and purple in his eyes as he is puppeted by the chucklevoodoos. You can’t will yourself to speak. You barely manage a cry as he growls over you. Two helpless fools that fell into the same trap. But really, you can be the only one at fault here. Kankri is the real victim, no matter how much he does to you or demands you submit to him. He doesn’t deserve any of this, and you are paying the price. You just lie there in agony and pray for a faster passing of time when the universe is standing still. 

     And it could never pass fast enough. Not for you.  

     Even after everything is said and done, nothing hurts more than being sent back to your hive with the utmost care. Cleaned and dressed, as if nothing happened. You are left numb with his voice ringing in your ears. 

     Never forget that you are mine, Ampora. Never forget that you are mine. 

-    ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

     When you return, your caretakers rush to your aid. They check you for devices and instruments, ready to clean and dress any wounds you may have acquired. But, they look baffled when they find nothing. You can’t hear them, but you know they're asking you questions. You know they want to know what happened. They tug you this way and that, changing you into your nightly attire and giving you a warm meal. You don’t even reach for the plate. They usher you to open your mouth, pleading with you to get something down. They lament over your figure and silence. They even try to push you with some playful banter. But you won’t have it. You aren’t in the mood for anyone right now. 

     It goes on like this for wipes. 

     One by one, everyone begins to abandon you. It becomes too much for Jake to stick around in the negative space and he is the first to leave. This does not surprise you in the slightest. Roxy becomes determined to find that tooth for you and leaves looking to the world with the utmost determination. As easy as you made it sound, you know that search will turn up fruitless. She should just go home. Porrim leaves to look for Kankri, not knowing what happened. She’ll be looking for the rest of her life. You know she’ll give up her hopes eventually. She should. They all should. Just like you did. Dirk tries to get answers from you, even resorting to violence. You don’t budge, taking every punch, kick, and slice of the sword. You deserve this much. He grows frustrated with you before storming out, Jade pleading him not to go. Dirk encourages her to leave with him, but doesn’t stick around to see if she does. 

     It’s just you and her now. The human that loathes you the most is the only one that stuck around. She makes it clear that she is a woman of her word and will uphold her deal with Dirk, even though he chose to leave. She also specifies her reserves against you: she doesn’t trust that you will make any good decisions if she leaves. She’s not wrong. She reaffirms her decision to watch over you and step in if you go out of line. 

     You’re back to where you were one sweep ago: A prisoner in your own home with your life being held over you. Nothing has changed. You have not improved. At this point, you doubt you ever will. Damned to a life of suffering. 

     You want to die, but the universe literally won’t let you. 

Chapter Text

     Day 795

     You awake to Jade pulling you out of your recooperacoon, her eyes bright with the energy of the Green Sun blaring at you. Looks like she just got here, still in her sleeping attire. 

“Seriously, you need to start figuring out how to carry on on your own.” She states. “It’s like you’re doing this to yourself on purpose.” She doesn’t help you out, merely pulling you out halfway. She sighs, letting go as you fall face first to the floor. “Now, come on. I have shit to do, too.” 

     You hit the ground with a disgusting splurt from the slime, not wanting to move. She just rolls her eyes at you as she leaves the room. 

“I’m going to make some tea, so you better come down before it gets cold.” Not that much of a deterrent; you drink tea cold. You’ve never been able to get to it while it was still hot. You get up and brush off the slime, combing your fingers through your hair into your signature slicked-back look. You look over to see Jade has set out your clothes on the desk. Which, frankly, was unnecessary. You can grab your own clothes, they’re right down the hall. You appreciate the thought nonetheless. You doubt you really would’ve bothered to get dressed if she hadn’t set this out for you. Another night, another miserable series of moments to remind you of your mistakes. Might as well get it over with. 

     Just as you pull your shirt over your head, a familiar voice hushes in your ear. 

“ Did you miss me? ” 

     You stagger back at his voice, almost falling back into the slime. 

“W-Wwhat are…?”

     Why is he back?

“Don’t worry, my dear. I’m not really here.” He chuckles softly, his hand barely wisping by your hair. “I just thought I’d check on you.” 

“F-For wwhat? Havven’t I been through enough?” 

“Honestly, no. At least, I don’t think so. You know, as your moirail , I think I still have a say on these kinds of things.” 

“You ain’t my Kankri…”

“Well, I know you’re my Eridan, so you’re going to shut the fuck up and listen to me.” You aren’t my Vantas . “I know you haven’t really been broken. You haven’t been through enough quite yet. I know there’s still something I can take from you.” At first, what he says makes no sense. But when you see that wicked, corrupt grin begin to grow, you know what— no, who he’s talking about. 

“You wwouldn’t fuckin’ dare .” 

“I would and I am. Right now, as a matter of fact.” He shrugs. “Not that there’s anything you can really do to stop me in time. But please, you’re welcome to try.”

     You reach to stop him, but phase right through him and crash into your bookcase, several books being knocked down. When you turn back, he is long gone. 

     You panic. 

     You sign back onto Trollian and begin messaging Karkat while he’s still online. You type as fast as your fingers will carry, making the sentences short and simple. You don’t want to scare him, even though you get a strong feeling he’s going to think you’re exaggerating and ignore you. But you need to stress the gravity of this situation. He needs to be on guard and be safe. And you need to be sure to do what you can to help.

     ...Even if that means you have to let him go. 

     So, you do. 

-    ♒︎   ♒︎   ♒︎    -

     You slump down the steps, where Jade is. She sets a small plate of toast and tea in front of you with a side of roe. You puncture an orb and let it ooze onto the toast with it’s translucent orange yolk. Jade cringes at you, even though she’s eating the same thing. 

“I’ve gotta go.” She huffs, shoving the remaining toast into her mouth. “But I’ll be back to check on you in a few days.” She knocks back the last of her tea, gasping at the heat afterwards. “Try to take care of yourself while I’m gone. If you need me, call me.” She moves to pat your head, but retreats at the last moment, merely resting a hand on your shoulder instead. She grabs her bag off of a nearby chair and dissipates into neon green sparks. 

     You’re left to finish cleaning the dishes. Just as you set the last plate on the rack, your lusus kicks you in the back, causing you to drop it. And, of course, it shatters. 

“The fuck is your problem!” He just snorts at you. Which, for him, is his way of telling you to fuck off outside. You’ve heard it enough growing up to not argue with him. You head upstairs to grab your fiddle before retreating to your crow’s nest. 

     You’re only up there for a few minutes before you hear Kankri calling for you again. Very distantly. He’s all the way down on the shore. With a body. 

“Keep an eye on him for me, okay? ” He hollers. 

“Fuck off, I ain’t listenin’ to you!” You call back, but he’s already gone. You might as well head down and see who you’re being left with. 

     As you approach, you see a very familiar pair of grey sweatpants.