Archive of Our Own ^beta

The way it happened was so quick. Jeremy Heere is only 20 years old and his father is dead. He's lost both his parents now. All he has left is his fiancé Michael Mell. The boys are in college and during exams Michael seemed to block himself off. Jeremy needs Michael now though.

“Michael?”
“What is it player 2?” Michael asks sweetly, typing away on his laptop.
“What should we do for dinner?”

Michael knows the conversation is going to get off topic. Jeremy was crying and Michael can see it. Michael sighs and closes the laptop.

“What do you want to do buddy?” Michael asks, walking over to Jeremy, hugging him. “Anything you want.”
“Can we go out?” Jeremy asks as he's held to Michael's chest.

The one thing that always calms Jeremy down is hearing Michael's heartbeat. Michael kisses his head gently as he sighs. He looks at his laptop. He's been trying to write this term paper for weeks. Jeremy's feelings are just so much more important to Michael.

“Are you sure that's what you want to do?” Michael asks.
“Yeah.” Jeremy nods as he's held inside of Michael's chest. “Can we go to that old fashioned diner and get milkshakes and stuff?”
“Absolutely.” Michael says.

Michael throws on his sweatshirt. It was raining and a little frigid outside. Jeremy throws on his cardigan as Michael plugs his laptop into a charger. The paper is over halfway done. Jeremy comes back into the bedroom looking at Michael.

“Ready?” Michael asks.

Jeremy nods and the boys head to Michael's PT Cruiser which is in their driveway. Michael drives in silence and lets Jeremy cry. Jeremy's dad died of a heart attack. It only happened two weeks ago. It happened so quickly. The funeral. Everything. Michael parks the car and Jeremy is still sobbing. Michael crawls into the backseat of the car.

“Come here Jeremy.” Michael says.

Jeremy crawls over the middle console and into the backseat. Michael sits with one leg across the backseat and the other in the ground. Jeremy lays down in the open space between his legs, Jeremy's legs across the backseat. His head lays on Michael's chest.

“Talk to me Jer.” Michael whispers.
“It's just really hard.”
“I know, I know.”

Michael understands Jeremy's pain in two ways. Michael lost his dad when he was fourteen. It was the start of sophomore year and a really hard time for Michael. The school was noticing his sexuality with the rainbow patch on his sweatshirt over his left arm. He lost his dad and his secret. The second way is that Mr. Heere was like a second dad to Michael. Jeremy's dad took care of the boys until his mother left. Mr. Heere raised Michael a little bit. Jeremy was a mess when Mr. Mell had died. He lost his second father.
“Michael, how do I get through this?” Jeremy asks, remembering Michael's pain.

Michael thinks about it. He got connected to music, bought more joints…but Michael always enjoyed getting high. He started when he was thirteen. Drugs aren't for Jeremy. He loses himself in his emotions when he gets high. Michael doesn't want that. They played video games, but their Xbox is busted. The other thing he did was talk with Jeremy.

“Talk to me. Simple as that. I'm here to listen.” Michael says. “Do you want to go back home?”
“I want milkshakes.”
“All right.”

Michael sighs and Jeremy takes a deep breath. He looks up at Michael who's wiping away his tears. They get out of the car and Michael's fingers fit perfectly in Jeremy's. Jeremy stays close to Michael. Michael leans down and kisses Jeremy on the cheek.

“Hey, I love you.” Michael whispers to his sad boy.
“Love you too Mikey.”

Jeremy only ever calls Michael Mikey when he's very upset. Michael takes them into the diner and as they get situated, Jeremy rubs his eyes again. Michael orders for them and goes to sit down with Jeremy.

“Mikey…”
“Yes Jer?”
“I just miss him.”
“I know buddy. It gets better, I promise.” Michael takes Jeremy's hand. “I'm here for you. Whatever you need.”

Michael is there for Jeremy no matter what. Every breakdown and nightmare. Every time Jeremy cries, Michael plays with his hair until he stops. Michael tries to keep up with his research, but then a tragedy strikes. Jeremy is at work and Michael opens his laptop…and his entire paper’s gone.

“Oh, fuck.” Michael stares at the blank document.

Michael starts frantically typing, thanking his lucky stars he still has his works cited page. Jeremy walks through the door and Michael can hear him. He can't let his heart get the best of him. Michael's crying himself. This is the hardest paper he's ever written. He wipes his tears off. His typing is audible. He takes a swig of his water and Jeremy walks into the room.

“Michael I-”
“What?” Michael snaps.

He sees the broken look on Jeremy's face and walks away from the computer, and holds him in his arms.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..are you okay?”
“Just having a hard time.” Jeremy sees that Michael was crying. “What's wrong?”
“Jer it's-”
“No, tell me.” Jeremy cuts off Michael.

Michael keeps Jeremy in his embrace and takes a few deep breaths. The stress is really getting to Michael. His paper was fourteen pages and now he's only got two and a quarter.

“Michael, please. You're shaking.” Jeremy says. Michael didn't even realize.
“My term paper is due tomorrow and my laptop lost everything..” Michael sighs. “I'm trying to recreate it but it won't be as good as it was.”
“Mikey, I'm so sorry.” Jeremy says.

Jeremy places a kiss on Michael's cheek where tears are streaming. The stress is bringing out a bad side of Michael but Jeremy's making it better. Jeremy releases the embrace.

“I'll leave you to work.”
“Are you sure? Are you okay?” Michael asks frantically.
“Yeah, yeah I'm okay. I'll try to fix the Xbox.” Jeremy smiles leaving Michael alone.

Jeremy isn't okay, and that's really the problem. He decides to bottle his pain and look up a video on YouTube on how to fix the Xbox. He simply has to check a few wires. He goes into the fridge and eats a slice of left over pizza from a few nights before and lets out a deep sigh. He can hear Michael typing upstairs.

Michael has gotten three pages done in the past hour but midnight is rapidly approaching. Michael hates midnight submissions. He keeps on going, but his head is pounding. The tears keep streaming. It's all just too much.

Jeremy cries as he eats some ice cream. He takes a nap on the couch and has a horrific nightmare. Michael can hear Jeremy. He's only four paragraphs away from having what he used to have. Jeremy stops squeaking and Michael relaxes a little bit.

“Michael?”

Jeremy stands in the door of the bedroom. Michael just needs a concluding paragraph and it's forty five minutes until midnight. He turns around and sees Jeremy.

“Jeremy I have to work…come here.” Michael says.

Jeremy lays in Michael's lap and the rest of his body is in another chair. Jeremy cries quietly into Michael's leg. Michael sighs and twirls his hair while he types.

“I'm sorry bud, I have to work.” Michael says trying not to break his concentration.
“It's okay.” Jeremy sniffs. “I know you do. Just…you don't mind if I'm laying here, right?”
“Not at all.” Michael looks down and smiles at Jeremy.

Michael is willing to do anything for Jeremy, even risk losing focus. Jeremy keeps his crying quiet and a little squeaky. It turns Michael's insides as he places both hands on the keyboard. He continues to type his concluding paragraph as Jeremy quiets. He looks down and notices Jeremy is asleep. All Michael needs to do is put his citations and paper in the same document. Jeremy is just too damn adorable when he's asleep. He snores are like little squeaks. He looks so peaceful. Michael lifts him and puts Jeremy on the bed. He tucks Jeremy into bed and kisses his forehead.

“Goodnight Buddy.”

Michael finishes his research paper just in time. He continues to do a little bit of studying for his exam in a few days when he hears Jeremy shift. This is why he closes himself off during exams, Jeremy takes all of Michael's attention. Especially when he's been hurting like this.

“Michael?”
“I'm working buddy, what is it?” Michael says not looking up from his notes.
“I just…” Jeremy's having a tough time.

Jeremy feels his head get heavy but light at the same time. A dizziness seems to consume Jeremy. He takes a deep breath and brings his hands to his temple. Michael stops tapping his pencil and readjusts his glasses.

“Jeremy, I really need to keep working.” Michael sighs. “Just please tell me…so I can fix it.”

It's after three am Michael realizes. He's been studying for three hours. Jeremy had been sleeping for about four hours. Jeremy feels warm tears roll down his cheeks.

“I just feel different.” Jeremy keeps his hands on his head. He grips his hair and shuts his eyes tightly wanting the dizziness to stop. “I sleep hoping I'll wake up to something better and I just don't. I never do.”

Michael sighs and puts his notebook down. He rolls the desk chair next to Jeremy's side of the bed. He takes Jeremy's hand and kisses the back of it.

“I am always here Jeremy. I will try to make it better. Sometimes change makes things better. If not? We can figure it out. Together. Please take your other hand off your head Jeremy.”
“Sorry.”
“It's okay. It's okay.” Michael says holding both of Jeremy hands, getting Jeremy to face him. “Are you feeling okay? Do you want some medicine or a wet cloth for your head?”
“Michael you don't have-”
“I want to.”
“Wet cloth please.”
“Stay put.”

Michael grabs a wet cloth. He wipes Jeremy's cheeks and places it on his forehead. Jeremy smiles. Michael rolls the chair over to the desk and curls up next to Jeremy. He puts his arms around Jeremy's waist and presses a kiss into his cheek,

“I thought you were working.” Jeremy asks, cocking one eyebrow.
“This is more important.” Michael says keeping Jeremy close to him. “I want to make you better.”
“Michael-”
“Jer, let me help you. I will try to heal you.” Michael takes the cloth off of Jeremy's head.

The two boys face each other. Michael can see Jeremy's still hurting and pulls Jeremy close to his chest. Jeremy hears Michael's heartbeat. He lets some more tears fall.

“I'm sorry. This is tough to go through.” Michael kisses Jeremy's head. “You will make it through.”
“Only if you're here with me.” Jeremy leans into Michael's chest, letting the fabric of Michael's sweatshirt fill him with warmth.
“I'm not going anywhere Jeremy. I'm right here.”

Michael keeps Jeremy close to him all night. Michael studies whenever he can but helps Jeremy through his issues. Throughout finals Michael is concerned about Jeremy. Jeremy, of course, takes exams as well. Michael passes his with flying colors, and Jeremy does well despite all the crying. Jeremy had a mental breakdown mid-exam, and it scared Michael. Michael didn't have an exam that day, so he could go pick up Jeremy. When it was all over and done with, Jeremy seems a little happier.

A few weeks later the boys lay together about ready to fall asleep. Their torsos are close and their limbs are all entangled. It's perfect.

“Hey Mikey?”
“Yes, Player Two?”
“I'm okay.” Jeremy sighs.

Michael smiles at Jeremy. Jeremy's eyes weren't so scared anymore. Stars glistens against the blue galaxies of his eyes. Michael kisses Jeremy right on the lips. Everything is so perfect in that moment.

“I'm sorry I wasn't so supportive durning exams. I should've been here for you.”
“You were, Michael, as much as you could be. I'm sorry.”
“Don't be sorry. I just want to protect you.” Michael puts his fingers in Jeremy's hair.
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. I'd do anything for you.”
“You would?”
“In a heartbeat.” Michael sighs.

Michael kisses Jeremy rather roughly getting Jeremy to moan against the passionate kiss. After the kiss breaks the two fall asleep in each other's arms. Nothing could be better.