Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She doesn’t realize what’s happening at first. All she knows is the pain, both from failing and succeeding at the tasks she’s assigned.

“Reach the end of the hall before the door closes,” the cold voice will say, and she’ll push herself as hard as she can.

Sometimes she makes it.

Sometimes she slams face first into an electrified plate of metal.

She doesn’t know why they’re putting her through this. What they gain from watching her try and fail to move concrete blocks around the room, or crawl on her stomach through tight tunnels faster than the water seeping in can rise. She doesn’t even know who ‘they’ are.

But then again, she’s not entirely sure who she is either.

***

It’s easier at night, when she doesn’t have to think. When she can curl up and try to sleep, try to ignore the chill in the air and the hard floor beneath her. It’s lonely, and dark, but at least night means they aren’t bothering her.

Or at least, what she assumes is night. There’s no real way to tell, no convenient windows overlooking potentially helpful landmarks. There’s no pattern to the days either, sometimes the lights stay off for what must be hours, and other times she’d swear it’s barely been five minutes.

At least they aren’t starving her, the thought of going through what they’re putting her through on anything less than a full stomach is terrifying. The food isn’t particularly appetizing, but it’s enough to keep her going, giving the needed energy for each days tasks.

It’s only when she can reach the door every time, when she can crawl and climb faster than the rising water, that she realizes what they’ve been doing to her. She’d always been relatively fit, but now she’s so far beyond that she’d been bedridden in comparison when she arrived. Her muscles, while not bulky, are clearly defined and able to handle any of the usual challenges thrown her way. She’s fast, strong, and quiet as the task demands. Sometimes, that means all at the same time.

They’ve been training her. She doesn’t know if it’s for something or what their reasoning is, but it’s obvious once she realizes. There’s nothing else that makes any sense. The increased stamina and strength, the ability to move silently, there’s no reason for them to go through the trouble of building those skills unless they intend for her to use them.

Soon after her realization, everything changes.

She still spends days running for doors that are just out of reach, but it’s not every day now. Instead, most of her time is spent dealing with arcs of pure pain rushing through her as the ground jolts with the same electricity as the door when she’d failed. But this time she can’t escape, can’t run fast enough to get away. She’s stuck, screaming and crying and begging for it to stop.

It’s only when she’s too tired to scream that the volts start to trail off, decreasing with intensity as her screams quiet. Once she’s silent, there’s no more pain.

Before her realization that whoever is holding her is training her for something, she would have assumed this was just torture. Just pain for the sake of pain. But after the effort they’ve put into molding her into peak physical condition, torture doesn’t make sense. It has to be another layer of training, and she’s determined to figure out what it is.

The electricity makes it hard to think, but eventually she notices the jolts are weaker when she’s not making as much noise. The quieter she manages to stay, the less they shock her, and the more control she gains over her reactions.

When she can take even the strongest shocks without crying out, they move on. Hunger and thirst come next, this time with the physical training as well. But she knows what they want from her, and before long no matter what new trial thrown her way, the expressionless mask never wavers. They want her to be cold, and she can do that. She can do whatever it takes to get through this alive.

***

“Well done.”

The first human contact she’s had in months seems strange and unnatural after the isolation. Commands from hidden speakers don’t count, they don’t involve an actually human body standing in front of her, reaching out with warm hands to pull her up off the ground. She hadn’t even heard him coming.

Assuming it’s another test, another lesson, she doesn’t say a word. They wanted her cold, so cold she will be. Expressionless. Unmoving. She can wait for this man to explain what he wants from her.

“You’ve managed to survive the basics of your training, now it’s time to move on to something a little more advanced. Think you can handle it?”

There’s a flicker of anger before the cold takes over again, anger that this man dare doubt her. She’s made it this far, through hell and back a few times over, and they haven’t broken her yet. There’s been nothing ‘basic’ about what they’ve put her through. She’s earned each of her new skills with blood and tears and come back stronger each time.

But for all the pain she’s been through, one thing is crystal clear. Any challenge they send her way, anything they do to her, she can figure it out. She can overcome, so long as she keeps her wits about her.

“That’s what we like to hear.”

It’s tempting to punch the smug smile off his face, but for all she knows that’ll just bring trouble. Better to wait, to keep waiting. It’ll make sense eventually. The man in front of her doesn’t seem the type for delayed gratification, more like the kind of guy that speaks just to hear himself talk. If she doesn’t fill the silence undoubtedly he will.

But he surprises her, his hand waving in an unmistakable gesture for her to follow as he turns and heads out a doorway she would have sworn was a solid wall. And whether this is a test or not, the lure of finally being free of the same constantly changing room is too much to ignore. She’s cautious as she follows, fully aware that this man might be leading her somewhere even worse than the hell she’s escaping. But somehow it seems worth it, as long as she isn’t trapped in that room for another minute.

“And here we are.” The unfailing cheer in his voice is grating, and visions of putting newly developed muscles to work with a quick strike at his head rise once more before being quickly squashed. Maybe that’s what she’s supposed to be learning this time out, patience.

“Would you quit monologuing and get her in here?”

A new voice comes from the open doorway, this one from a woman already sounding tired of the man’s antics. Apparently the earlier read of the man as someone in love with the sound of his own voice had been spot on. She’ll remember that.

“It hardly counts as monologuing, Luthor. Just because one member of the conversation is silent doesn’t mean the conversation is non-existent.” He’s smirking again, and god does the thought of that strike keep getting more and more tempting…

“Just get her in here so we can start our introductions.” There’s an edge to the woman’s voice that reminds her of the electric jolts. That alone is enough to get her moving, stepping to the man’s side without a trace of hesitation despite the almost instinctive dislike she can still feel.

“Well, go on in,” he says. “Luthor’s been dying to meet you after your prowess at our little obstacle course.”

That one nearly overcomes her restraint, but in the end the cold wins out as she steps into the room as directed.

“Well, if it isn’t our little Phoenix,” Luthor says, her smile far more unsettling than the man’s had been, despite looking friendlier. “You’ve been impressing us with your performance, my dear. I think this is the fastest anyone’s made it through the first stage of training, isn’t it Lord?”

“She’s a wonder all right,” Lord says as he follows her into the room, the door closing firmly behind him. “Speed, strength, restraint, you’ve learned everything we need from you in a fraction of the time it takes most people.”

They both fall silent at that, and finally she has to speak. It’s clear they’re waiting for something, and this time waiting them out won’t solve anything. Somehow, she can tell they’re both patient enough to outlast her if she tries, even if it means spending days trapped in this room.

“What do I need those for?” she asks, deciding that’s probably safer than asking about the blank space that makes up her memory of whatever came before this place. Who she is, what she’d done, it’s not likely any of that matters to these people.

“Why, because we want you to have them,” Luthor says, an edge of dismissal beneath the feigned surprise. “But don’t be shy, dear. Why don’t you ask us what you really want to know. Aren’t you the least bit curious about who you are?”

Okay, so she’d read the situation all wrong. Not that she thinks there’s any chance of getting a real answer out of these these two, but maybe playing along will keep them happy.

“Who am I?”

“Why, you’re our Phoenix, of course,” Lord says, stepping forward as Luthor shoots him a glare. “Born from the ashes of who you used to be, ready to spread your wings and rise again. Poetic, isn’t it?”

“But what’s my name?” Poetry is all well and good, but it doesn’t actually answer anything. And if they want her to ask this damn question, they’d better give her more than a half assed line.

“Phoenix.” Luthor’s voice has dropped all semblance of warmth, though her ire seems directed more in Lord’s direction than anywhere else. “That is the name you’ll be called within this facility, the only name that will matter to you from this point forward. Outside these walls, well, that’s a different story. You’ll be known as Linda to the rest of the world, but Phoenix is who you truly are.”

The names don’t sit right, a vague noise in the back of her mind screaming that they aren’t her, that those names are wrong. That she has a name, a life, a history. Something more than what these people are giving her now. She’d been someone, once upon a time. She’d been K-

“Well, that’s the first round of introductions taken care of, why don’t I take her to meet Scrivener, huh?”

As little as Phoenix wants to be alone with Lord again, something in the way Luthor is standing makes her think it might be the safer option. He’s just annoying, but Luthor looks deadly.

“Fine. Get them introduced, then we have some planning to do.”

That seems to signal the end of the meeting, and Phoenix heads for the door, eager to have this uncomfortable conversation behind her.

“Oh, and Phoenix?” Luthor asks just before she makes it through the door. “Welcome to Cadmus.”

Chapter Text

“Kara.”

She wakes up with the name a gasp on her lips, silent save for the exhale of her breath. She’s been trained too well to let even her unconscious brain slip. Her dreams can’t take that from her, no matter how strongly they fight.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed as quietly as she can, she takes a moment to think over everything that’s happened today.

Names chase each other around inside her head, tangling and twisting around the forms of Luthor and Lord. They call her Phoenix and Linda, their words turning to chains that hold her in place, dragging her to the ground where she can’t move. But the whisper of the wind around them reminds her of a different woman.

“Kara,” it had pleaded for her to remember. “You were Kara.”

Nothing else, no clues to her past. No memories, nothing that proves this name is hers any more than Phoenix or Linda. It feels right, feels like the vaguest possible echo of a long forgotten memory. But what can she trust in this place? Can she trust herself after all that’s happened?

There’s also the question of what Luthor or Lord would do if they found out. Her new mentor, Scrivener, had warned they took a very dim view of rebellion at Cadmus. Whether intentional or accidental didn’t seem to matter. Control was key, from names to the tasks they gave. Everything came through them.

I won’t do it, she thought to herself. They can’t make me follow everything they say. I can still have something for myself.

A tiny rebellion then. One kept solely inside her own head where no one else could ever find it. Cadmus can call her whatever they like, and she’ll answer. She can still pretend she’s beaten. But safely inside her own mind? There she can be her own person. There, she can be Kara.

“You really should get some sleep, you know.” Scrivener’s voice is scratchy in the dark, and Kara jumps at the sudden noise.

She’s not sure what to think of the other woman, Scrivener. Lisa , outside the walls of the compound. Their conversation earlier had given Kara the impression the smaller woman was dangerous, but there was nothing concrete to base that feeling on. It could be nothing more than Kara feeling a little unsettled at so many changes to her previous routine, an understandable wariness in light of her new surroundings.

But somehow, she didn’t think so. Absurd as it seemed, the longer Kara had studied the smaller woman, the more her certainty grew. For all that Scrivener looked fragile and tiny, there was a strength to her. An edge.

It wasn’t the same as Luthor, but it was there all the same. Luthor’s smile reminded Kara of electric jolts, of promised pain when an objective wasn’t met. Scrivener, that was a different story. Her voice was cold and empty, the same emptiness Kara learned to internalize during her first stage of training. But rather than the cold being a mask, somehow Scrivener gave the impression she was nothing but the cold.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kara apologizes, ignoring the implied rebuke. “I tried to be quiet.”

“I don’t sleep all that soundly these days,” Scrivener says as a rustling sound tells Kara she’s sitting up in her own bed. “You’ll get there eventually, where any sound wakes you. Safer that way.”

“Safer than what?” The question is probably too much, Kara knows she isn’t supposed to question this place too much. She’d realized that early on in her conversation with Lord and Luthor, and nothing after that had done much to dispel the impression.

Whatever Cadmus has planned for her, she’ll find out when they want her to and not before.

“Just go back to sleep.”

Another rustling, and then silence falls.

***

“Well, if it ain’t our little chatterboxes,” Lord says the next morning, breezing into the room without warning. “Up late sharing the hottest gossip, were we?”

Scrivener doesn’t say anything in response, but from the way she’s glaring at Lord Kara knows there have to be a few retorts swirling in her head. But they’re all swallowed down as she continues getting ready for the day, fastening the last buttons on a tight black jumpsuit before twisting to check the range of motion.

There’s a sense of ritual to her actions that Kara picks up easily. It’s clear her movements are practiced, familiar. A morning routine so far outside what Kara still pictures as “normal” that it takes a minute for her to adjust.

“And good morning to you too, Scrivener,” Lord says, apparently unbothered by the silence. Maybe he’s used to it by now. “And here we have Phoenix. Still in bed? We can’t have that, now can we.”

Kara sees Scrivener tense, hands curling into fists as she moves a fraction of an inch in Kara’s direction before stopping. It’s all the warning she gets before the previously unnoticed wires in her mattress spark with that familiar bite of electricity.

This time the pulse is weak, softened by the need to avoid setting fire to the surrounding fabric. But it’s still enough to send Kara leaping from bed and into a crouch, her body reacting instinctively as it waits for an objective to become clear.

“Next time, you should make sure you get enough sleep during the night. Wouldn’t want you to miss your alarm again, now would we?”

For all the feigned goodwill in his voice, Kara can spot the warning. They know she’d questioned Cat the night before, and it isn’t appreciated. Her job right now is to obey, nothing more.

“Understood,” she grits out after a moment, rising to a standing position and fighting to keep a glare off her face. She’ll follow Scrivener’s lead on this one and just focus on getting ready for the day.

Another pointed glance from Lord and he’s gone, leaving the two women alone once again.

“Lesson one: they don’t like questions.” The words are flat, but when Kara glances to the side she sees Scrivener giving her a look with the barest hint of concern flashing in her eyes. “Learn to wake up on time, and learn to dress quickly. Don’t give them any reason to correct you.”

Kara nods, already reaching for her own jumpsuit. She can do that. She’s already proven to be a quick study, she can master this as well. She can do this.

Even the sight of other jumpsuit clad men and women in the hallways can’t break her mask. No questions, no emotion, nothing Cadmus can use against her. That’s easy enough to handle. She’s quiet through Scrivener’s tour, pays careful attention to the “allowed” areas and where the boundaries are. There are several common rooms and hallways connecting them, as well as blank walled rooms Scrivener tells her are used for training.

She doesn’t specify what kind of training, but Kara knows she’ll find out eventually. Their names are already on the scheduling board to the right of one of those doors, blocked off for the entire afternoon.

“Got a new one, huh?” a voice interrupts Scrivener halfway through her explanation of how the cafeteria works. “I’m Cipher. Used to be Joseph on the outside, now they call me Lucas. But it’s Cipher in here.”

Kara doesn’t know how to respond to that, not without getting in trouble. She hadn’t expected anyone like Cipher, not after the cold introductions to the Cadmus leaders and painful start to her day. Old names and code names and cover names, what’s safe to actually share with these people?

“Shut it, Cipher,” Scrivener cuts in, shoving him back with a glare. “She’s already been zapped for questions today, you make training any harder on us and I’ll hand you your ass.”

“Oh, come on, Scriv! You know they’ve only got video in here, no audio. It’s the one place we can sound off a little, let out some steam. The big guys know we need that.” Cipher doesn’t seem concerned, but Scrivener isn’t backing down.

“You think that holds on a first day? You’re a fool if you think this room isn’t wired for audio when they need it. Phoenix doesn’t even know the rules yet and you’re already breaking them.” The smaller blonde is incandescent in her rage, and Kara doesn’t know what to do.

Should she back her mentor up in whatever showdown is going on? Or should she stay out of it, let the people who understand handle things?

Her decision is made for her when Cipher lets out a wounded “Cat, don’t be like that,” and Scrivener moves. She’s fast, faster than Kara thinks should be possible, and before the room realizes what’s happening Cipher is in a headlock tight enough his face is starting to turn color.

“That name is dead, and you know it,” Cat hisses into his ear, tightening her grip for a moment before pushing him away in disgust. “Now get out of here before you cause any more trouble for us.”

Despite the size difference, Cipher several inches taller and decidedly bulkier than the tiny woman facing him down, he gives in without a fight. It’s impressive, and Kara’s second lesson of the day. Appearances can be deceiving, and sometimes strength is hidden behind innocuous surfaces.

“Now then, let’s get lunch.”

***

After eating in silence, afraid to ask any questions or say the wrong thing without knowing, Kara follows as Cat leads the way to their booked training room. She’s not sure what they’ll face, what new challenge Cadmus has for them. How do you prepare for the unknown?

When the door opens and Cipher is standing there, Kara relaxes. At least it’s a friendly face.

But Cat isn’t relaxing, and that’s Kara’s first clue that there might be more to this training than she’d wanted to think about. Because Cat is tense, her jaw clenched and hands curled into fists as she looks at Cipher.

And as for him, he’s looking defeated, silent and somber in a way that’s nothing like the animated jokester they’d met earlier. Like he already knows what’s coming.

“Next lesson, how to break an opponent’s defense,” Cat says, hands relaxing as she goes back to pretending everything is fine. “Today Cipher gets to be our dummy. You’ll learn faster this way.”

From the earlier reactions Kara thinks she’d prefer an actual dummy, but she can’t argue. There’s no space for that here, she has to follow Cat’s lead and act like nothing's wrong.

“I’m ready to learn,” is all she says, but the look in her eyes when she faces Cat says something different. Understanding, and resignation, and a willingness to go along with whatever’s going on here. Anything she has to do to keep this from getting worse.

And the look Cat sends back her way says the same things, with a layer of thanks mixed in. They’re a team, and that means facing this challenge together. At least they’re on the same page with that much.

“Cipher will take a defensive stance. I’ll demonstrate how to break it. Then you’ll try to do the same.” It doesn’t sound that bad, but then Cat springs into action.

She’s a little slower than she’d been in the cafeteria, probably so Kara can follow along with her actions. But the force behind her blows is real, and enough to send Cipher reeling back, clutching his arm in pain. And suddenly Kara realizes why they’d been so resigned earlier.

There’s no such thing as holding back for training, not for Cadmus. Their only goal is getting you trained as quickly and as thoroughly as possible, no matter the cost. Kara wishes she could at least know what they’re training her for, why she needs to know these things, but she can’t ask. She can’t risk causing any more problems. Not for herself, and not for Cat. What happens if it’s Cat in Cipher’s place next time, all because Kara couldn’t keep quiet?

Resolving not to let that happen, Kara does her best to imitate Cat’s strike. She can fake a little hesitation the first few times, hold back her full strength under the guise of not being sure of the move, but eventually she has to commit fully.

When she makes contact it’s worse than Cat’s strike, Kara’s bulkier muscles packing more of a punch than the wiry strength of the other woman. Everything in Kara wants to call this off, wants to refuse to cause Cipher that much pain. But she can’t. They’re trapped here, all of them.

Cat makes her run through the exercise another ten times before she calls it quits. “Your form isn’t perfect, but you’ve got the basics down. We can practice this one more later.”

Kara dares to hope that’ll be the end of it, but that doesn’t last long. As soon as Cipher is back on his feet he takes up a new stance, and Cat runs through a new takedown. And then another. And two more after that.

They only stop when Cipher can’t bring himself to stand any more. HIs face is bruised and bloody, one arm is clutched to his chest. Kara is almost certain she’d heard a crack from it last time she’d connected. And Cat just turns to leave the room, clearly expecting Kara to fall in behind. Neither looks back at the form crumpled on the ground, not daring to show that level of weakness to Cadmus.

Once they’re back in their shared room, Cat turns to Kara with a serious look on her face. “What was the most important thing you learned today?”

The answer is easy, falling from Kara’s lips without pause for thought.

“Don’t ask questions.”

Chapter Text

Training against dummies does prove easier, at least on Kara’s stomach. The warning Cadmus sent by using Cipher as a training tool had been taken to heart by the others in the facility, and there hadn’t been anything warranting additional ‘discipline’ since.

She probably wasn’t learning as fast, but at the same time Kara didn’t have to fight her own body to follow through with each blow. She would if she had to, she knows that now. But at the same time she’s glad the situation doesn’t arise again.

The next time she has to face a living opponent, she’s facing one that fights back, one who helps apply the techniques she’s learned to an actual fighting style. And this time, there’s no hidden lesson. Just hand to hand combat. The kind that leaves bruises when a blow lands, but not the kind that ends with either of them unable to walk.

And truly, Cat’s a great teacher. She can explain the strikes and blocks, doesn’t lose her patience when Kara makes a mistake. And she always knows exactly how far she can press before Kara’s endurance gives out.

With her guidance Kara is ready to go out into the world far sooner than the Cadmus leadership had expected, not that she realizes that fact. She never sees Luthor or Lord these days, not that she minds. The stories she’s heard are enough to convince even the most skeptical that the distance is best. Even Lord, pompous, bumbling fool that he appears, even his name is spoken only in hushed whispers. And only when the speaker can’t avoid it. Whoever the Cadmus leaders are, whatever they do behind closed doors in the restricted areas of the facility, it’s best to leave them be.

So all Kara knows is that they have a mission. She still doesn’t know what their missions comprise, what her new colleagues do every time they leave the facility. All she knows is it’s her turn to leave. Her turn to see the sky again. To be surrounded by people not wearing utilitarian black jumpsuits.

“Okay, now remember. Out there, you’re Linda, and I’m Lisa,” Cat explains one last time as they dress. “No code names. No mention of Cadmus. Nothing that could give us away as anything but ordinary women out for a shopping trip.”

Kara nods, straightening the pastel cardigan they’d included in her pile of clothing. It feels strange after being in stark black for so long, and yet familiar on a deeper level. As if she’s regaining another layer of her old ‘normal’ after all this time.

“And my job is to follow you, don’t ask questions, and do exactly what you tell me,” she finishes the recitation. They’d first gotten word of the assignment a week ago, and since then Cat’s training has gotten tougher. Whatever they’re facing, it’s got to be tough. And at this point, Kara would almost be happier stuck in the sealed facility instead of out here following Cat into the unknown.

But two things make it worthwhile. One, the sight of the sky above them, something she hasn’t seen in months. And second, she’s following Cat. Whatever happens, whatever they’re doing, she knows Cat will look out for her.

Their weeks of training prove that much. Cat was always careful to keep an eye on Kara’s energy levels, always ready to call a stop when it got too hard to keep moving. It was Cat that showed her the best ways to recover that energy, the best ways to build endurance so she could go longer in the future.

Even outside the training, Cat kept an eye on her. The troublemakers, the ones who visibly chafed under the regulations handed down by Lord and Luthor, Cat kept them away from her. The single afternoon spent brutalizing Cipher had been enough to turn Kara’s stomach, and Cat clearly kept her out of situations that might lead to a repeat.

“Do I get any details closer to our objective?” Kara can’t help asking as they climb into one of the Cadmus SUVs. She knows the vehicles have to be bugged and transmitting, but surely that’s an innocuous enough question to avoid trouble.

“You’ll know when you know,” Cat offers, shooting a warning look at the dash before starting the engine. Bugged indeed then. “The drive is about an hour long, I want you to study the roadways and turns, and you’re going to recite them back to me when we arrive.”

Memory training exercises are familiar, and Kara’s grateful that Cat sets her one now. Focusing on the road signs will keep her from forgetting herself and asking stupid questions, or from overthinking whatever’s coming. There are too many options, each less plausible than the last, and worrying about them won’t do any good. All that would accomplish would be wasting potentially needed energy.

Kara does notice that Cat’s pushing the speed limit any time they’re in the clear, as if she’s in a hurry to arrive wherever they’re going. Despite her curiosity Kara doesn’t mention it, already knowing her questions won’t be answered.

They stop and Kara recites the streets, not missing a single turn. It’s enough to get a smile of praise from Cat, and that’s all Kara needs. Those tiny gestures of approval have become what keeps her going through training, knowing she’s making Cat proud.

“Okay, follow my lead,” Cat says quietly as they start walking towards a shopping center next to a business park.

And Kara tries, she does, but after months of learning to fight in isolation it’s hard to relax into a casual stance while surrounded by hundreds of people. Even when she’s around the other Cadmus agents, there are rarely more than five people in the same room, and almost never more than ten.

“Drop your shoulders, you’re tense,” Cat whispers when Kara flinches away from a mother loudly scolding her brood of children. “Remember your stance when you don’t know where the blow is coming from? Find that calm readiness and hold it.”

The advice helps, but not enough. Kara can’t translate that relaxed readiness to movement, and every few steps her shoulders tense up again before she remembers to drop them.

“Maybe we should work on walking casually when we get back,” she tries to joke, shaking the tension from her limbs for the third time in as many minutes.

“If you’d just quit overthinking this,” Cat mutters, frowning for a moment before moving closer. “Here, link your arm in mine and for god’s sake try to relax into it. Pretend we’re back in training and let me lead.”

This is more familiar, and Kara relaxes almost instantly. Cat’s presence is comforting, a touchstone back to the hundreds of times she’s stepped in this close to correct Kara’s form. It’s a grounding sensation that finally lets Kara move past all the overwhelming distractions to focus on the bigger picture of their surroundings.

“In here,” Cat says after a few minutes spent casually strolling along the storefronts. They’d reached a small access door tucked back away from the main thoroughfare, one Kara is very certain they aren’t supposed to enter.

But Cat doesn’t hesitate, moving quickly but still casually, and Kara has no choice but to follow along. She’ll know what’s going on when she knows, and until then she just has to trust Cat’s lead.

“When we get to our target location, I need you to act fast. No hesitation, no thinking about it. Just let yourself act.”  Cat’s voice is quiet even in the echoing silence of the service corridor, and Kara nods her agreement before she can question the instructions.

Those questions try to rise anyway as they make their way down the corridor, but Kara keeps them down. She’ll know when she knows. That’s all that matters on her end right now.

After about a minute of walking Kara realizes the business park and the shopping mall must share a service tunnel, because there’s no way they’re still in the mall. From the direction of the hallway and the way the buildings are situated, Kara guesses they’re probably nearing the side of the office building nearest the mall, somewhere along the back of the building. Maybe they’re here to steal corporate secrets?

Her mental questions slam to a halt when Cat stops by one of the doors leading off the hallway, fixing Kara with a serious look as she slips her a pair of gloves. Whatever their reason for being here, this is the moment it all comes to a head.

“When I open this door, go to your right. There’s a door there, one that leads to an office. A man will be there, likely seated at his desk, but that isn’t guaranteed. You’ll need to locate him the second you enter the doorway.”

“And then?” Kara asks, hoping this is the moment her questions are allowed.

“And then you use this.”

With that, Cat presses a thin knife into Kara’s hands, holding it there until her fingers close around the handle. It’s warm from being pressed against Cat’s side wherever she’d hidden it, but Kara feels cold. She wants to ask what Cat means by ‘use this’ but she already knows.

There’s no other option that makes sense, nothing else that could possibly explain the extensive training. All the tiny clues from the past months are adding up to form a picture, and Kara thinks she might be sick.

She remembers the coldness in the eyes of the other Cadmus agents, the bleak stare when they return after a few days away. The emphasis on controlling emotions and reactions, the need to blend in and not draw attention. The training in stealth and self defense. Even using rebellious agents as ‘training tools’ when there’s a need for correction.

Cadmus has been shaping her into a weapon, and not one of defense. No, they’ve managed to turn her into a poison blade, quick and deadly. And now they expect her to draw blood.

“I-”

The protest dies on her tongue as Kara takes a shuddering breath, trying to make her limbs work. She doesn’t know whether she’ll move forward or sprint for the nearest exit once they do, but she can’t stay frozen here forever.

“Either you finish this job, or I finish you,” Cat says when she hesitates for a moment too long. “And neither of us wants that.”

“But to kill a man,” Kara tries, shaking her head the barest amount. She’d thought she was ready for anything, but this hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“You get used to it. Or you die. And then anyone who’s ever known you dies too.” The words are cold, but Kara can feel Cat’s encouragement buried beneath the ice.

How many has Cat killed? How many bodies, how many lives snuffed out in an instant? How many trainees has she mentored, brought to this point, only to kill them when they fail?

Kara can’t add to that list. She can’t put Cat through that pain, even if it means doing the unthinkable. And then there’s the people who’d known her before, the ones who might still remember the person Kara had been before all this. Before Phoenix.

She can’t let Cadmus hurt them. It’s too late for her, she’s already been broken and reforged into the kind of person you use as a weapon. But those faceless, nameless family and friends still out there in the world? They don’t deserve to die for her. And maybe the man she’s about to kill doesn’t either, but that’s outside of her control. If she doesn’t kill him, Cat will kill them both. All she can do is get it over with as quickly as possible.

“Where do I strike to get it done quickly?” she asks, hating the words even as they leave her mouth.

Cat nods, understanding the deeper meaning behind Kara’s words. They’re in this together, a team once again. Cat doesn’t have to worry about Kara failing, about what that would mean for her.

A quick demonstration, without the knife, and Kara is ready to go. She still hates the thought of taking a life, but she knows it has to happen and now she’s committed. So with a deep breath and a nod to Cat, the door is opened and she’s moving.

The anteroom is empty, and Kara spares a quick second to be grateful for that. She knows the man behind the door has to die, but she’s glad there won’t be collateral damage along the way. Only one life will be lost today, and she takes a cold comfort in that fact.

He isn’t at his desk when she slips silently into the office, but in a way that’s better. He isn’t facing them, doesn’t see his own death coming. Kara can cross the room in a few quick steps, stabbing forward the way Cat had shown her as she grabs for his face with her free hand. There will be a shout of pain before the blood loss sets in, and they can’t afford to let anyone hear.

The feeling of the knife sliding into his body is almost too much for Kara, and it only gets worse when she feels a warmth through her glove that has to be his blood. But if they can’t afford to draw attention, they doubly so can’t afford to leave any trace of their presence. Even if Cadmus has wiped their lives from the system, they can’t leave a trail for some intelligent agent to follow. Kara knows that much without Cat needing to say a word.

“He’s out, and by the time they find him it’ll be too late, let’s go,” Cat says when Kara has guided the limp body to the ground, knife slipping free as he collapses.

She wants to throw it away, to put as much distance between herself and the damned thing as possible, but she can’t. Not yet. Not where it could be found.

Cat wraps the bloody knife in a plastic bag and tucks it into a larger sack, and for a moment Kara wishes she could do the same with her hand. Just wrap it up, out of sight and out of mind, ready to be thrown out later once they’ve escaped the area. But a limb isn’t as disposable as a knife, and she has to settle for tossing the bloody glove in the bag next to the knife. It doesn’t help, her hand still feels dirty, but at least she can look down without seeing red stains.

“You did fine,” Cat says when they reach the doorway, stopping Kara with a gentle hand. “You did it clean, and you did it fast. There wasn’t another option.”

But despite the earlier mantra running through Kara’s head saying the same thing, she knows there has to be something else she could have done. There’s a man lying dead by her hand, possibly the first of many. When does the justification run out? When is her life, the lives of those she’d known before all this, when are they not enough to outweigh what she’s done? How much pain can she cause before it’s no longer the lesser evil?

The trip back to the SUV passes in a blur, Kara too out of it to worry about looking tense. She can barely focus enough to keep from looking sick and attracting attention, there’s no way to keep track of her surroundings enough to register anything specific.

Only the knowledge that leaving any trace of their presence could jeopardize their success allows Kara to keep her stomach under control once they’re outside. And even if she doesn’t care one bit about whether Cadmus gets away with killing, she can’t risk notice equalling failure. Not if it means someone will die because of it.

“You did fine, Phoenix,” Cat says as she starts the engine, reaching out with the hand not busy steering to grip a trembling knee. “It gets easier.”

That nearly sets Kara to retching, and they make it only a few miles down the road before she can’t fight it down any longer. Cat understands, pulling off the road into a deserted parking lot so Kara can stumble out and finally be sick.

“Who was he?” she can’t help asking when she’s done, surprised to find Cat offering a supporting shoulder. The smaller woman’s arm is wrapped around her shoulders in a comforting hold, and it’s the closest thing to safe Kara has felt since she woke up in an empty room with no memory of who she was.

“Who and why don’t matter, not to us. We never get to know, and it would just make it harder. Better to let a target be a target.” There’s a world of experience in the words, and Kara is reminded once again that Cat has been doing this for a while now. How long, she may never know, but clearly long enough to have learned the best way to cope.

“Will we get in trouble for stopping?” Kara doesn’t know why the thought occurs to her, but she wouldn’t be surprised if Cadmus is tracking them now, seeing them sit by the side of the road rather than returning immediately. And she can’t imagine what the punishment for that would be, doesn’t want to find out.

“We have another 5 minutes before we have to be back on the road and checked in that we’re on our way,” Cat says, looking quickly at her watch. “I thought you might need a moment, so I worked that into the timetable I provided Lord.”

The mention of Lord sours the comfort in Cat’s words, reminding Kara that there will be more missions like this one, more deaths on her hands. She might feel safe here in Cat’s arms, but she only feels that way because Lord and Luthor sent her out to kill.

“I’m okay then, we can go,” she says, shrugging out from under Cat’s arm. She misses the warmth immediately, but she can’t take the comfort when every second reminds her why she needs it.

The rest of the drive is silent, but Kara relents enough to welcome the grounding weight of Cat’s hand. When they get back she can drop a mask over her emotions, pretend she doesn’t care about any of this, but for now she lets herself take the support.

Her first debrief is short, nothing more than a few words of confirmation to Luthor when they walk in, turning over the bloody knife and glove as proof. There are no congratulations, no comforting statements from the Cadmus leader, just a small nod of acknowledgement before they’re sent back to the common rooms.

As they walk through the familiar hallways, Kara is struck by the fact everyone around her has taken a life. Everyone knows what it’s like to kill someone, to watch as they go still and cold. And suddenly it’s all too much.

The second she has a chance Kara escapes back to their room, curling into her bunk and trying to stave off the memories. Did the man have a family of his own? Was he corrupt, or just in the way? How long did it take for his consciousness to fully fade, and did he know he was dying the whole time?

She’s so caught up in the struggle that the sound of Cat opening the door doesn’t register, or the sound of soft footsteps crossing the room. Until Cat sits on the edge of her mattress, Kara thinks she’s alone.

Once she knows Cat is there, Kara needs to feel that she’s alive. That she isn’t cold the way her target is now, that there’s still another human in this world with her. That something made it out, not everything died in that room. Even if a part of Kara did, even if that part of Cat is long gone, they’re still breathing now. They’re still here.

Her hand reaches out quickly to grasp at Cat’s, clinging with all her strength and hoping Cat understands. Because this isn’t something you can ask for, not something Kara has the words to express.

But of course Cat understands, as soon as Kara’s hand reaches out she’s nodding, shifting her weight until she’s lying pressed into Kara’s side. The warmth of her body is right there, soaking through the thin layers of the disguises they’d donned earlier.

The sight of those clothes pushes Kara further over the edge, and she tears at her cardigan and the pastel clothing beneath as quickly as she can. Even when buttons pop and seams tear she can’t stop, needing the suddenly constricting fabric away from her.

When the last stitch of clothing has been thrown across the room as far as Kara can manage, she finds that Cat understood that need as well. Her own clothing is gone, and suddenly Kara needs more. She needs to really feel something, something that’s about connection and life and not death. Nothing to do with death.

“Can I?” she asks, needing confirmation that Cat wants this too, that this isn’t some sense of obligation for the other woman. Not pity, or duty, or anything else. Just two people trapped in a tough situation finding comfort and solace in the one thing Cadmus hasn’t taken from them yet.

The answer is wordless, but all the more confirmation for that. Cat leans forward slowly, gently, and brings their lips together in a barely there kiss. Kara can feel Cat’s breath mingling with her own, and that simple reminder of life is almost enough to settle the emptiness in her gut.

But when Cat deepens the kiss after no more than a few seconds Kara knows she needs everything, won’t be okay with just a single moment. She needs to feel, fully and completely.

That knowledge is what drives her to push forward herself, turning them so she’s lying above Cat, bracing her weight on her forearms to keep them as close as possible. Their curves slide together, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. Any other night that might be enough to settle Kara’s demons, but not tonight. Tonight she shifts her weight to one arm while bringing her other to trace along Cat’s neck and down to her chest.

The feel of Cat’s heartbeat beneath her hands pushes Kara on, drives her to make it race and pound. She needs to feel Cat’s reactions, needs to hear her cries and see her fall apart. To be surrounded by the overwhelming pull on each of her senses.

She doesn’t fight when Cat gets a good grip on her hair, directing her lips lower until Kara is taking a nipple between her lips, rolling the tip between her teeth before biting gently. The moan it draws from Cat is enough to push her on, repeating her actions again and again, switching between breasts with barely a break for air in between. This, this is what she needs.

When Cat starts bucking her hips up into Kara’s stomach, she can’t wait any longer. Moving down the bed, she settles between Cat’s thighs, looking up to meet wide green eyes with a hungry stare. She keeps that eye contact as she leans down, not bothering to tease. Not when the taste of Cat on her tongue is so strong, not when she needs more. Not when she needs to feel Cat fall apart around her fingers.

She starts with two as her tongue works carefully over every bit of Cat’s folds, returning to her clit every few seconds with a few quick flicks or a moment of careful suction. Her intent isn’t to tease, but to draw out every sensation as long as she can, to drive Cat higher and higher with every minute until finally she falls over the edge. But for now, Kara is perfectly happy where she is, feeling the warmth of Cat around her fingers, feeling each beat of her heart in every stroke of her fingers.

And the sounds Cat makes as she moves, the way she whimpers when Kara focuses on her clit, the gasp when she curls her fingers, each reaction fills Kara’s mind until there’s nothing else. No memory, no regrets, no worry about the next day. There’s only them and here, only the current between them and the drive to feel everything the other can give.

Finally Cat goes tense and Kara feels the orgasm sweep through her. Her back arches, hands gripping at the sheets as her head presses back into the pillow. She’s magnificent, and suddenly Kara wants to start all over again. To hide in this moment forever.

But Cat comes down from her peak eventually, and she’s not one to let someone outshine her. Before Kara realizes it Cat’s flipped their positions, and suddenly she’s on the receiving end of everything she’d just given.

And after that, she’s too busy to think. All she can do is surrender to the overpowering flow of sensations in her body until suddenly they’re almost too much and she comes with a shout, utterly exhausted.

She barely has enough energy to crawl into bed the right way, pulling Cat close with a murmured ‘stay’ before sleep claims her.

And for the first time in months, her dreams are silent.

Chapter Text

Waking up next to someone is a new experience, and Kara selfishly lets herself sink into the sensation for a few minutes before moving to get up. Her body has adapted to their usual morning routine so she’s awake well before there’s any danger of punishing shocks. She can afford to take a moment to savor the closeness after yesterday’s events.

“We probably shouldn’t have done that,” Cat murmurs when Kara finally shifts, rolling onto her back and away from the comforting warmth of Cat’s body.

“Probably not,” Kara agrees. She doesn’t regret it, knows that she’d needed the release and connection back to life. That doesn’t change the fact Cadmus might not see it the same way. In a world so carefully and precisely structured, one designed to remove as much individuality as possible, where could a reaction like this fit in?

Cat seems relieved that Kara isn’t arguing, isn’t clinging. Much as she misses the warmth of Cat in her arms, Kara knows it’s not safe. Cadmus hasn’t punished them yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t coming.

But until that blow lands, Kara is going to go about her day like normal. She can pretend she isn’t remembering what it’s like to kill someone now that she doesn’t have the distraction of Cat’s body pressed against her. Her training gives her that much, now that the memories aren’t so immediate she can shut them out.

How long it will work Kara doesn’t know. Whether it will last outside the relative safety of these walls once they send her out again, she couldn’t say. But for now it’s enough. One step at a time, one breath at a time.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” she asks rather than lingering, swinging up and out of bed to dress.

She doesn’t know what the usual timeline is for these things. Do they get a target a day, or is it spread out? With the number of people she’s seen in the Cadmus facility it seems unlikely to be an every day thing but she doesn’t know how often it actually is. It could be weekly, it could be monthly. Or it could be longer than that. Hell, she doesn’t know if assassinations are all Cadmus makes them do. Maybe there is an aspect of industrial espionage somewhere in their dealings.

Kara hopes that’s the case. She can handle stealing information a lot better than she can handle killing again. She already knows if it comes down to it that she’ll pick up a knife and do what she’s told, if only to save the lives of the people she can’t remember but knows are out there. But it’d be a lot easier to keep them safe if she isn’t doing something she hates.

Cat’s up and moving as soon as Kara’s out of the way, dressing with carefully efficient movements. “Strategy and weapons training,” she answers while slipping a shirt over her head, and Kara can’t help the way her eyes linger the slightest amount on the skin being covered.

Last night may have been a mistake, one she has no idea what Cadmus will think of, but none of that quells the wave of attraction low in her gut.

The only thing that works is focusing on the task at hand. As much as Kara hates the idea of learning weapons skills that will be used to kill someone in the future it’s better than breaking down. With a little help from the same coping skills she’d learned to face pain without making noise, Kara pushes the emotional connection away. A skill is a skill, and at this moment in time it’s just a hypothetical. In the past or the future may be a different story but the seconds immediately ahead are nothing more than abstract movements.

She's on edge all day, waiting for Lord to show up and discipline them for their weakness last night. But no one does and by the time they break for dinner Kara is almost convinced no one will. Maybe it hadn't been a problem after all. And if they keep it the one time thing they'd agreed, there's no reason it should become a problem in the future.

It's only when they return to their room and see Lord standing in the space between their beds that Kara's fear returns. She knows now that she's in a building of killers, surely it would be no trouble for Lord to turn on them both. Even if they manage to take him down they could never fight the others standing between them and freedom, or make it through doors that open only on special command.

"So what did you think of your first time out?" Lord asks cheerfully when they're both fully in the room. "Everything you hoped it would be and more?"

"I did what Cadmus asked of me," Kara answers warily. Does he want her to sound bloodthirsty? What's the correct answer here?

"True, and your mentor had strong words of praise for you. We like than in our recruits. Saves a lot of time and energy on painful reconditioning." Lord does sound genuinely pleased despite the slight emphasis he places on the word painful, and Kara feels her stomach rebel slightly at the thought of someone revelling in what to her is and always will be senseless death. "There was a small bit of concern over your actions when you got back, but I don't think they'll be a problem, will they?"

"Not at all," Cat answers for Kara, moving forward a half step as if to draw Lord's attention. It's a level of protection Kara hadn't expected from anyone here at Cadmus, and she's suddenly grateful they'd had one night together. They're a team on a deeper level than Cadmus probably anticipated and Kara knows she'll protect Cat however she's able, the same way she's being protected now.

"Good, good. I mean, I get it, you know? Letting off a little steam after a big day, it happens. We just don't want to see it become a habit."

Kara nods at the same moment Cat does, hearing the hidden meaning beneath Lord's words with ease. They aren't in trouble, but Cadmus doesn’t want to risk them forming a stronger relationship than what they already have. No shared beds, no deep confiding talks. Nothing that could pose a threat to the hold Cadmus has on them.

Physical release is one thing, but Cadmus doesn't want strong and potentially dangerous bonds.

"Well then, I'll let you two get some rest," Lord says with a wave of his hands towards their separate bunks. "Big day tomorrow, right Cat? First tracking lesson getting ready for live ammo. Always a rush."

And with that he's brushing past them and gone. The moment the door closes behind him Kara feels like she can breathe easy again, even with his departing statement.

She wants to ask Cat what tracking will entail, whether it's another way of saying they have a target. But she knows questions, even questions about what's planned, aren't allowed. She's to do as she's told and nothing more if she wants to avoid making things harder than they need to be for both herself and for Cat.

So instead she silently prepares for bed, staring determinedly at the wall as she changes to avoid seeing even a glimpse of Cat's bare skin. Embarrassment and modesty are both long gone by this point but she doesn't want to give the impression she's ignoring Lord's veiled orders. Better to seem cold and uncaring. They can't punish her for that, not when that's who they've trained her to be.

The familiar emptiness of her bunk feels cold after her evening with Cat and Kara focuses on sinking into those sensations. Cold and empty are her friends right now, far more than vague trust she can't count on. She knows Cat will protect her, but she also knows Cat would kill her without pause if it came down to it. And after the events of the previous day Kara can't honestly say she wouldn't do the same. It's a sobering realization, and not one that leads to comforting dreams.

***

"Sometimes it's not possible to make a clean kill," Cat starts the next morning, standing in the middle of a clearing some distance from the main building. "And sometimes your target isn't in a building to begin with. If they run, or you aren't sure where they are, you need the skills to track them down no matter where they try to hide. City, forest, desert, plains, anywhere they might go you have to be ready for them. Any associations you have with nature beyond a challenge to overcome, lose them quick. It's easier to find patterns if you treat the whole thing like a puzzle."

Kara nods, taking the advice to heart. From the moment they'd stepped outside she's been struggling to focus. The sunlight is warm on her shoulders, the breeze is soft and almost calling to her, the flowers tickle her senses with beauty and gentle fragrance. It's peaceful out here in a way her life hasn't been for a long time, and she wants to linger.

But that isn't allowed, and for all Kara knows there are cameras out here same as inside the facility. "I’m ready when you are."

"Today you're going to memorize this clearing, down to the position of each blade of grass. Tomorrow, you're going to tell me what's changed." Cat moves to the side and leans against a tree as Kara starts, not moving as she studies each movement.

"Any tips?" Kara risks asking to check for cameras, knowing that such a question won't get them in trouble even if they are being watched. Cat would reprimand her so Lord doesn't later, but there won't be any real punishment. Not for a question directly related to the task at hand.

Sure enough Cat doesn't say a word about asking questions, just gives Kara a sharp look. They've learned to read each other somewhere along the way, which might be useful and might be a weakness. Kara isn't sure which at this point.

"Take it in sections. Tree, grass, plants. Memorize the base then add the details." Cat sounds sure of herself, so Kara knows it's possible.

True, it feels like an overwhelming task. Memorize every detail of a clearing in the woods? How is that humanly possible? If she didn't know Cat was likely to change the tiniest thing she'd assume this was an exaggeration. But if she thinks that and doesn't prepare, Cat is likely to bend a small blade of grass and that will be the only change.

Halfway through mentally cataloging the bark on her fourteenth tree, Kara finds the courage to ask a question that can't be explained away as training related.

"Do they watch us, out here?" she says softly, bending close to the tree to hopefully hide her face if she's misread the situation.

The simple act of speaking the question aloud is the single most daring thing Kara has done (at least of her life she can remember) and she can feel her heartbeat racing as she waits for the answer.

"No," Cat answers eventually, just as quietly. "With the things I've yelled out here over the years, if they did I'd know about it by now."

Kara wants to ask more but she can tell by the way Cat falls silent the question would be unwelcome. For all their new level of trust and partnership there are lines she can't cross and boundaries Cat has set to keep her out. Any details beyond what Cadmus wants her to know are a mystery, one Cat doesn't appear keen on revealing.

Somewhere around the time she hits the halfway mark of the clearing Kara falls into a rhythm. She studies a specific item and places it on a mental map in her head, relative to everything else she's looked at so far. At the beginning of the lesson she'd have insisted the work would be difficult, impossible to quickly master and taking months of study and practice.

Instead, she's almost unnaturally confident in her ability to remember what she's looked at so far, and her pace is even picking up as she gets closer to covering the entire clearing. She tests herself every so often, closing her eyes and picturing a specific area, then checking behind herself for anything missed. So far, she hasn't found anything.

Cat notices what she's doing eventually, and Kara hears a soft rustling when she closes her eyes next. Once they're open once more she immediately sees a new rock in the first area she'd worked on, the one nearest to Cat.

"You moved the rock," she says instantly, looking up to meet Cat's impressed eyes.

"New plan," Cat says after a moment of thought. "Close your eyes and hum loudly, I don't want you hearing anything I do."

Kara does as instructed without pause, turning her back to be sure there's no way she could accidentally cheat. Whatever Cat is testing she has no desire to skew the results.

"Okay, turn around and tell me everything I changed."

It's the work of mere moments once Kara turns her attention back to the clearing to pick out each of the five things Cat had changed, from the bent blade of grass, to the bark on the tree that peeled away in a long strip.

She doesn't have to think about each area as she scans for changes, each moved or missing item standing out immediately when she turns her attention to that portion of the clearing. And when she's done, Kara isn't surprised to see Cat sporting a look both impressed and worried. Whatever this talent is, it's unique. And unique isn't a good thing at Cadmus.

Cat doesn't point any of that out, instead running Kara through drills to see how quickly she can memorize an area well enough to notice the most minor of changes. Kara gets better as the day goes on, until by sundown she can look at a tree for ten seconds and memorize each line of bark well enough to see where Cat chips off the tiniest pieces.

"You shouldn't mention this in the facility," Cat finally says as they pack up. "We'll have to tell them eventually, but not this soon. They don't need to know how quickly you managed this."

"When?"

Cat pauses for a moment, thinking it over. "I won't mention it to Lord for at least two weeks, and those two weeks will be spent doing something probably very stupid."

Kara doesn't say a word, not sure what to think about the buried layer of fear and resignation in Cat's voice.

"I'm going to teach you how to lie to Cadmus."

***

Two weeks later, Cat's done exactly that. Kara can now control her breathing and heart rate no matter what question she's asked, and maintain a complete poker face when accusations are thrown her way. She can even fake it well enough to pretend she's working to learn something she's already mastered.

It's a dangerous skill, one that both Kara and Cat know could easily backfire. Lying to Cadmus isn't something that's done, not if you want to survive and live a relatively pain free existence.

But it's necessary for them both. For Kara, because if she stands out as truly exceptional the way Cat expects she could she'll be sent on missions far more often than her still tender heart could take. How many kills, how close together, before she breaks and can't keep going? Even for the forgotten loved ones she's protecting with her actions?

For Cat, it's not as personal. She'd learned long ago how to harden her heart and face the grim realities of this life. Kara might not know much about her but she knows that much. It makes her actions a layer of kindness Kara could never have expected. In lying to Cadmus and helping hide Kara's true potential, she risks her own safety. But she knows far more than Kara what a life of unending murder and bloodshed can do to a person.

Whatever their reasons Kara knows it’s a skill she’ll find plenty of reasons to use. She’s wary of risking too much but there are questions about her presence here. Questions she doesn’t intend to stop investigating no matter how many times Cat warns her.

Those warnings came often, out in the training woods. Any time Kara insinuated she was curious, or expressed more than a passing concern for her lost memories. Perfectly reasonable, but wholly unwelcome in the strict environment that was Cadmus.

“Memories are a luxury we don’t get,” Cat would say when Kara pressed the issue. “We’re alive, Phoenix. Sometimes that’s all we have, and the sooner you accept that the easier it will be.”

Harsh words, but Kara could hear the genuine concern beneath. Cat had survived this life for a very long time, and she seemed determined to see Kara do the same.

But the more Kara saw, the more she questioned. And the more she questioned the more determined she became. Even the two missions they’re sent on to ‘help Cat determine the extent of her progress’ don’t change her mind. She can’t live like this forever and she won’t accept the thought there’s nothing else for her.

Instead Kara decides she’s going to fight back. If Cadmus has shaped her into a weapon, well then a weapon she will be.

Just not a weapon for them.

Chapter Text

The first time Kara is assigned a solo mission she wants to scream. She's managed to find some level of balance in her life with Cat at her side and now they want her to go out alone. It's nearly too much to handle and only her iron control keeps her from snapping and doing something she'd surely regret.

She knows most of the Cadmus operatives operate alone, but she'd selfishly hoped they could join the small list of exceptions. Somehow even murder didn't feel as terrible when she could share the burden with Cat. Selfish, maybe, but it was the little things like that keeping Kara afloat these days. A vague wish that perhaps Scrivener and Phoenix could take the same mission types as Lightfoot and Quickstep, the two most inseparable assassins in the facility. It was probably a grudging concession to the fact those two are identical twins, something not even the memory erasing drugs could erase, but Kara couldn't help hoping anyway.

In the paranoid depths of her mind Kara is sure that's why Cadmus decided to separate them. While they've each been careful to keep their growing levels of trust hidden from view it's hard to keep secrets in a den full of killers. Any tiny interaction could reveal what they'd rather hide, and if Cadmus thought two of their assassins were getting too close then of course they'd step in.

The more rational explanation is that Kara's abilities have moved past the level requiring a more experienced minder at all times, but she doesn't like that explanation. It's too easy, too pat. Too expected. And if she's learned anything during her training it's that the simplest explanation is rarely the truth when it comes to the shadowy organization she's now part of. An unwilling part, but a part nonetheless.

Whatever the reason, Kara's committed too much to risk changing her plans at this point. Studying everything she can learn from her fellow operatives has given her a wide range of skill, all useful for assassinations but most equally helpful when it comes to infiltrating the Cadmus databases.

They're allowed monitored access to research their targets and locations, and with a few lessons from Cipher and Override Kara's managed to create an untraceable shell access to start searching the system for any weak points she can exploit. She has to be careful, not quite sure enough of her skills to trust her actions with sensitive files. But if she can get past the first layers of security she might find something useful even there.

In the meantime, she starts her solo missions with a nearly faked level of enthusiasm. Only the knowledge that she can build in 'surveillance' time she doesn't entirely need keeps her frustration in check. Without GPS monitoring outside of the van (too risky if a target is behind more than a standard safety system) she can detour to public libraries or internet access points near her target and spend time on more personal research there. Even knowing Cadmus likely has a flag on files and searches connected with the life she can't remember doesn't stop her. Makes her more cautious, yes. But Kara has come too far to back down now. She has a shot at finding answers and she's not going to waste it.

This time out her target regularly takes his lunch break in a small cafe next to a library and Kara had seized on the opportunity. Public is usually a bad option her orders are for splashy and noticeable. Untraceable too, as always, but something that will make a big wave and presumably send a warning to someone out there. Kara doesn't know anything about that part and she’s learned not to care.

Not that it matters, she'd wrangled permission to watch the man each day for a week to pinpoint any good opportunities she can capitalize on as well as escape routes to ensure she gets away clean. Kara doesn't need the week, but that many hours of uninterrupted access to public computers is an opportunity she can't turn down.

And on the fourth day it pays off. She'd determined where and how to strike at her target on the first day, giving her the complete focus on her actual mission she'd needed to make serious progress. It hadn't been easy but with extreme care she'd managed to find a small vulnerability in the Cadmus database and access it from an untraceable port outside the facility. As long as she avoids accessing only her files there's no way the leak could be traced to her on the off chance it’s even noticed.

She's made it through everything pertaining to three of her fellow assassins before Kara risks opening her own. Using her recently honed skills of situational memorization Kara quickly memorizes each page, knowing she'll need to spend a few hours that night remembering each line so she absorbs their meaning. But for now she has what she needs.

Cat's file is next, but before she can do more than glance at the first page she hears a disturbance outside the window and Kara sees her target arguing loudly with the cafe manager. It doesn't look like a simple misunderstanding and Kara knows the chances of him returning after today are infestimely small. She needs to act now or her week of 'surveillance' will mean nothing, something tantamount to admitting defeat to Cadmus and facing the punishment that would bring. Not a desirable outcome.

Hurrying from the library Kara barely makes it to the cafe in time to hear her target yell several curse words at the manager before storming off. Anger makes him easy to follow and it's a matter of moments to slip behind him and open his throat with the ceramic knife she always keeps handy. No time to ditch it on this mission, not when people are already screaming and pointing their way. The scarf she'd pulled over her face and the wig she's worn each day will keep anyone from providing an accurate description, but Kara doesn't hang around to worsen her chances.

Three alleys and a dozen side streets later Kara has completely changed her appearance and clothing, wrapping the knife and wig in the cardigan she'd been wearing and stuffing both in a flat bag she'd hidden underneath her shirt. Slinging the bag over her back and adopting a carefree pace she looks more like a college student than an assassin and three police officers drive slowly past her without a second glance.

She's nearly back to the van when she finally catches an officer's notice, her heart beginning to pound as she watches the squad car pull to a stop next to her and the officer step out. "Ma'am, hold on there for a minute, please. Can I see some ID?"

"Have I done something wrong?" Kara asks, feigning confusion as she reaches in her pocket for the special Cadmus issued wallet. She has an ID with her cover identity but revealing it to the police would leave a trail. Better to find a way out of this that doesn't involve official channels.

Unfortunately the street is busy enough there's no way to be rid of him without attracting attention she can't afford this close to her getaway vehicle. Dozens of alternative options race through her mind as the officer steps closer with hand already on his weapon, but none seem viable.

"We had an incident a few blocks away and are looking for a woman roughly matching your description, that's all. Can you tell me what you've been up to for the past thirty minutes?"

"I was at the college bookstore picking up my books for next semester," she tries as she slowly offers her fake license, following Cat's advice and willing herself to believe the words as much as she wants her target to believe. The key to telling a good lie is to make yourself believe it's true. And this time she needs to be so believable the officer won't want to look in her bag.

She doesn't have books, just a bloodstained jacket wrapped around the murder weapon he's looking for.

"Well alright then," he says with a dazed look. His hand falls back to his side without touching her ID. "Good luck on your courses, and be careful out there."

With that he's back in his car and driving off, leaving Kara standing behind confused as she tries to reclaim her earlier confidence. Strange as the whole situation is she can't afford to stand around and attract attention.

As she makes her way back to Cadmus, carefully watching for and avoiding any police presence she can, Kara thinks back on the exchange. There's no reason the officer should have believed her statement with no proof. She'd been hoping if he did ask to see in her bag she'd be able to swing it into his head hard enough to leave him dazed long enough to make her escape. Instead he'd abandoned the whole questioning without proof or even another question.

She'll have to tell Lord on her debrief, she decides. It's not an appealing thought but she knows from her previous hacking attempts that Cadmus monitors police chatter near any mission locations. If the officer called in that he was stopping to check on a walking female matching her description then Cadmus will know she was nearly caught. An explanation will be demanded.

Kara doesn't have one of those but she can still present the facts as she knows them. Anything else could be taken as concealing information and lead to increased focus on her activities. Not the sort of thing Kara wants when she's working against Cadmus.

The drive back is slow and steady, obeying all traffic laws and giving the police no reason to give her a second look. She’s taken enough risk already, she can’t afford losing time or risking whatever saved her before happening again.

She spends the time thinking over her interaction with the police officer looking for any clues that could give an idea what happened. There isn't much to go on but she can't help wondering anyway. And wondering if she could recreate the phenomenon.

Deciding it's worth a try she pulls into a small and mostly deserted gas station. It's far enough from both the city and Cadmus headquarters to be safe enough, and thanks to her wandering path if anything does catch official attention here there's nothing to tie it back to the earlier assassination or suspect.

To be safe she dons a different disguise, a new wig in a different color and a new style of clothing before heading inside and browsing the snacks. It's tempting to grab a chocolate bar, but caution wins out and she picks a protein bar that she knows fits the strict regimen Cadmus insists on she heads for the door. No sense adding more reasons for Cadmus to be upset with her.

She isn't sure which bit, if any, of her actions earlier had caused the strange actions so as Kara approaches the cashier she focuses on her breathing and believing the lie she's about to tell. I already paid she thinks over and over again, imaging the young man at the counter believing the same thing. She can practically see the exchange in her mind, imaginary cash exchanging hands as he offers change.

He gets the same glazed look on his face as she heads for the door, calling out a friendly goodbye as she leaves, bypassing the register completely. And while two incidents doesn't prove anything Kara at least has a better idea what's going on now.

The rest of her drive is spent coming up with a cover story that won't reveal Cat's been teaching her to beat lie detectors and trained assassins. No matter what power she's coming to Lord and Luthor with she knows that particular training won't be found on the approved list any time soon. Cadmus associates are trained to avoid capture completely, and resist interrogation if the worst happens and they are captured. With an incentive like the death of all your friends and family behind you very few are ever even spotted let alone captured. Beating a lie detector doesn't rank too high on the list of important skills with that track record.

As she pulls up Lord is waiting for her, and with a glance at the clock Kara sees she's two minutes outside her stated return time. Forgivable, but she'll have to explain that as well.

"Phoenix, we were starting to worry," Lord calls as she steps out, false joviality in his voice. "Don't tell me, flat tire?"

"Unexpected police interaction," Kara answers shortly. She'd learned early on to avoid responding to his verbal tricks. Quiet and determined is what they want, so that's what they get. Safer all around that way. "Didn't have to show ID or identify myself but did have verbal contact on my way to the van after mission completion."

"Well then I think we have something to talk about," he says, waving towards the complex door and the waiting debriefing room. It won't be fun, but Kara thinks she can get through okay.

It's easy enough to walk Lord and Luthor through the actual killing. A quick recap of the surveillance, identified weaknesses and opportunities, and the altercation leading to her timetable stepping up. She mentions the nearby sporting event scheduled for the next day as explanation for not planning the kill for today, citing the additional cover and spectacle when questioned.

The police interaction doesn't go over as well.

"You're saying you what, Jedi mind tricked a police officer?" Lord asks, sitting back in his chair with a disinterested look on his face. "We aren't big fans of liars in Cadmus, Phoenix. If you got caught or spotted that's one thing. We asked for public and that has additional risks. But magic? Not buying it."

"Not so fast, Lord. Our research wing has reported similar phenomenon over the years, though we haven't had a confirmed case to study long term."

In contrast to Lord's dismissive attitude, Luthor looks intrigued and Kara spares a moment to hope she doesn't end up in the mentioned research wing. Her chances of escaping or fighting back would surely be nonexistent there, not to mention the glimpses of outside life and blue sky that are the only things keeping her relatively sane while working for Cadmus.

"I thought it might be a fluke, or coincidence," she says anyway, not wanting them to question the GPS reading that shows an unnecessary stop. "During my roundabout return path I stopped at a deserted convenience store to test a hypothesis."

Cold facts help her case, and by the time Kara finishes recounting her cover story and the actual truth she feels safe sharing Luthor is nearly vibrating with excitement. "What an asset such a skill could be. Imagine what you could do with such an ability. We need to learn your limits immediately."

Kara doesn't much like the sound of that, but at least the reference to using the skill as an asset in her work is mildly reassuring. She might be on experiment duty for a while but it sounds like Luthor at least intends to have her back out in the field.

"Oh come on, there's no need for that," Lord disagrees, cutting through Kara's thoughts. Phoenix here is a perfectly capable asset as it stands, and Scrivener had ten kills last month with nothing more than pure skill. All this power and ability talk is just a distraction."

Luthor looks angry in the cold way Kara's learned to recognize. Lord is often the target, but it still spells potential danger to the part of Kara they've honed to a razor edge. Her initial impression of Luthor as deadly hasn't faded one bit during her time here and when she looks like this Kara fights to keep her muscles relaxed rather than tensed to jump out of the way.

"You know the agreement, Lord. We're each allowed to pull assets from their tasks for testing, training, or reconditioning as we wish. And I wish."

"Whatever, just don't keep her out of commission too long," Lord concedes, waving his hand dismissively in a way that has Luthor's eyes flashing. "Hunter and Blade can pick up the slack for a while but elections are coming up soon and you know how demand steps up."

"Yes, I'm well aware of how things work in the organization I built," Luthor snipes. "That will be all, Phoenix. Report to the second training room tomorrow to begin exploring this new ability."

Kara nods silently and heads for the door, grateful she's apparently escaped the worst outcomes. Additional training and time with Luthor doesn't sound very appealing but at least she isn't dead or being shipped to some mysterious research facility.

"Oh, and Phoenix?" Lord calls as she reaches the doorway. "Luthor's training style can be...demanding. If you were to take a night to unwind, we could look the other way."

Despite her best efforts Kara can feel a flush spread across her cheeks at the barely hidden innuendo, and nods quickly before continuing out of the room. She hasn't spent another night with Cat after that first time despite wishing it were possible dozens of times since. Even knowing Cadmus likely wouldn't care about once or twice here and there she hadn't felt the need to risk finding otherwise. Yet here she is being nearly encouraged to sleep with Cat once more.

Is it a trap? A reward? There has to be some test here, some hidden layer to Lord's words. Will obeying the half order earn her punishment, or will ignoring it? There are too many options and variables to consider. Not for the first time Kara finds herself wishing she could sit down with someone, anyone, and get actual answers to the hundreds of questions swirling in her head.

Who is she? What is Cadmus? Why is she here? Why is Cat here? Why assassinations? Does Cadmus hire out, or do they set targets themselves? When did the market for assassinations get busy enough to require so many trained men and women? Why is Cat on ten assassinations a month after barely two the whole time she trained Kara? Can she really take a night to relax and forget who and where she is now to accept pleasure rather than pain from the hands of another?

Deciding quickly to at least talk to Cat, Kara sets out for the main gathering area to start tracking her old mentor down. She knows there are microphones in the room, ready to monitor conversation at any time, but they can let their guards down a little there. Maybe she can ask questions without actually asking them. Even without spending every day with Cat they can still read each other well enough to have a conversation within a conversation.

Luckily Cat is already sitting in the corner when Kara walks in, saving her from running all over the facility looking for her only to head back here. At this point Kara will take anything that makes her life a little easier. God knows there isn't much 'easy' to be found.

"Longer debrief than normal," Cat says as Kara sits, not asking a question but still managing to indicate curiosity. They're both long familiar with the dance that is conversations within headquarters and Kara falls into step without blinking.

"Interesting case," she offers. "I have training with Luthor tomorrow."

There's no hiding Cat's surprise at the news, not to someone like Kara who knows her so well. Maybe not even to the others in the room, Kara sees a few glances sent their way as everyone tries to pretend they aren't staring. No one likes to mess with Cat, especially not after what happened to Cipher. They know Cadmus watches her closely even if no one can quite figure out why.

"That'll be interesting," is all she says, but Kara can hear the worry in her voice. "Luthor knows all sorts of special weapons techniques she can show you."

"Something like that." Kara hasn't been forbidden to share, but somehow she knows the news of her apparent ability isn't gossip Lord will want making the rounds. Luthor might think differently but Lord definitely wasn't happy to hear her recounting. "Not sure how long I'll be off field work."

"Hopefully not too long, I have something coming up soon I want a second on. Was going to request you for it."

They've done that before, even after Kara finished her official training. Gone on difficult missions together, ones where a second set of eyes makes the difference between success and capture. It's not often but it's happened.

Kara doesn't know if Cat's telling the truth even with the precedent set, or if she's making an allusion to some need to talk, something they should discuss. The news she'll be working with Lillian has her weighing all options, all possibilities no matter how seemingly impossible. She has to be at least a step ahead no matter what happens if she wants to stay out of that research facility and have her chance to fight back.

"Depends how quickly it needs done. I get the feeling I'll be otherwise occupied for a while, Lord told me I should enjoy a nice relaxing evening."

The tone of Kara's voice makes it clear what she means and this time there's no disguising the look of surprise on Cat's face. It's clear the near order is as surprising to her as it was to Kara, which is both reassuring and frightening in equal measures. There's too many new things going on right now and Kara can't keep up. The only consolation is apparently being able to have Cat along for at least part of the ride and she doesn't know how long that will last.

"Well you won't find much relaxation here. These assholes don't know the meaning of the word."

The last is pitched loudly enough for everyone to hear, starting a round of good natured mock offense from the others. They're all still eyeing Cat trying to figure what could spook the most accomplished of the Cadmus assassins, but the humor allows a return to something approaching normality.

As the doors close behind them and cut off the last of the teasing comments Cat turns to Kara, fixing her with an 'are you sure' look. She doesn't move again until Kara nods, signalling her willingness to let whatever is about to happen continue without protest.

It's been months since the last time they were together, but she wants this. Risks be damned, the universe owes her a night of uncomplicated pleasure. She'll worry about consequences and domino effects tomorrow. She can have this now.

Later, once they've both collapsed next to each other with shuddering breaths, Kara remembers the pages of files she'd meant to remember earlier. She still hasn't had time to process what she'd memorized. There are truths about her past hidden inside her head, truths she desperately wants to know.

But as she reaches out her hand until her pinky is barely brushing against Cat's, she realizes she's scared. She knows who she is now, she knows what she's capable of and what her goal in life is. She's an assassin. She's a damn good assassin. And she's going to use those skills to take down Cadmus.

What if the knowledge of her past life comes with knowledge that will harm that certainty? That's the greatest asset for an assassin, the knowledge and belief that no matter what the next move will take you closer to your goal. Doubt in yourself, your team, or your equipment spells disaster.

Kara doesn't realize how tense she's grown until Cat leans up slightly, bracing herself on one arm to look into her eyes. "You're supposed to be relaxing."

"Just thinking about training tomorrow," Kara lies easily, settling into the breathing patterns Cat taught her. "I haven't worked with Luthor before."

"Luthor will tell you exactly what she wants from you, no worries there. And you know that." Cat sees through the lie in the way only someone well familiar with hiding could, and Kara knows she's caught. But she can't explain. The rooms are bugged and monitored for conversation, even if no one was watching them earlier (and Kara hadn't much cared about that when Cat was kissing her neck as three fingers thrust and curled right where she needed them) the sound of gentle conversation will no doubt attract attention, attention Kara can't afford.

"It's still something new, and I don't want to disappoint." There. That's safe enough, surely. From her first days here Kara has pushed herself to master anything thrown her way. Lord and Luthor both know that, have both commented on it before.

The tension in her frame has grown the more Cat pushes, and Kara brings to mind the mental ice she'd found during her initial training to refocus. Having someone concerned about her is almost too much, it's too tempting to give in and break down. Spill all her secrets and let someone comfort her. But there wouldn't be comfort, she knows that even if her emotions don't. There would be Cadmus agents at the door, Lord and Luthor telling her she'd failed, and then death for her and everyone she's ever known.

Cad nods slightly, settling back into the bed beside Kara without another word. She obviously understands, which should make Kara feel better. Comfort in numbers and all that.

Instead she just feels more alone.

Chapter Text

Luthor is a demanding taskmaster.

Kara hadn't expected any different, but she'd thought she knew the worst Cadmus could throw at her. After waking up in a featureless room with no memory of who she was and being forced through a brutal training regimen for weeks it hadn't been easy to imagine anything harder than that. Even after she was out and things settled the memory of that first training mission with Cipher was indelibly etched in her brain.

Luthor was worse.

There were no excuses, no breaks for water or recuperating. There was only the next task, the next test. Could she fool an agent who was expecting it? Could she fool one who was unprepared? How outlandish a thought could she make someone believe? Did her brain waves change while using the ability?

It takes five days of constant testing before Luthor calls a break to go over the data, five days that leave Kara no time to think let alone go over the information she'd uncovered before her last mission. Five days of answers sitting in the back of her mind as the questions go ignored.

"Scrivener needed a second set of hands, go help her out," Luthor dismisses her at the end of the week. "The mission should take no more than seven days with travel time, report back here when you return and don't try to use the ability while you're out. I want to see what difference a break makes in your scans."

Kara nods silently, well aware that Luthor doesn't care what she has to say. The woman wants and expects total obedience, she doesn't want to hear anything along the way. Kara's nod and the way she turns to leave is all the answer she wants or needs.

"Looks like I get to back you up after all," Kara says when she finds Cat, settling next to her in the dining area. "Luthor's given us seven days."

Cat hums, finishing the last few bites of her food. "It shouldn't take more than five, but I like to be cautious. This is a big target."

Kara wants to ask how she knows that, who this target is. But she's learned her lessons too well, and the thought joins the hundreds of other unanswered questions still swimming around in her mind. "I'll pack a standard weapons assortment," she offers instead, carefully not phrasing it as a question in case Cadmus is watching.

She's still not sure when they are and when they aren't, though she's working on that. If she can find the surveillance records on one of her searches through the system then she can look for patterns in the file access logs to determine which agents are kept under careful watch and which have more freedom. But with the new abilities she's showing combined with the apparent skill both she and Cat display she'd put money on Cadmus watching them more often than not.

The may be the organization's best assets, but they're trained killers. Cadmus has to know the danger they'd pose if their allegiance ever shifted. It makes Kara all the more determined to avoid giving a single cause for concern right up until the moment she pulls the trigger in Lord's face.

Cat shakes her head slightly, almost as if she can tell what Kara is thinking. Surely it's just strange timing, but Kara doesn't know for sure anymore. Not after the testing she's been doing with Luthor. "Go with special. We might need to get creative with this one."

A special weapons pack means a lot more firepower, both overt and highly discreet. With a special pack and two fully trained Cadmus operatives they could hold off a small army if they found a suitably fortified position. Whoever they're targeting has to be important.

Nodding her understanding, Kara doesn't stick around must past that. She has gear to get ready, and more than that she knows if she does she'll end up in Cat's bed once more. Not a terrible place to be, true. But she's finally got a night to herself to recall the screens she'd memorized in the library and she wants to use the time wisely.

It might be wiser to wait until they're outside the Cadmus facility in case whatever she remembers stirs her anger and desire to strike out, but Kara can be cold. She knows she can. No matter what's in those files she has the skills to push her feelings down until it's safe to let them out. Whether in the training clearing where Cat has vented her frustrations so many times before, or while they're out on the mission.

Once she's packed she calls an early night, slipping into bed and settling into the restful sleep position she's adopted over the past months. It's good for clearing her mind and pushing away the memories of what Cadmus has her doing, which makes it perfect for tonight. It's been long enough since she saw the various file pages that she has to focus a bit to bring them back up.

Going in order helps her memory, so she runs through the first three decoy files she'd accessed first, feeling anger stirring with every training note and personal detail she learns about the others. Only one had their memory wiped the same way she had, but all were put through the same terrible training methods to shape them into killing machines. One had lost a husband when Cadmus took her, watching him be cut down in front of her when she didn't immediately surrender. The other two had backstories nearly as painful.

The details have Kara worried as she begins to remember her own file. What horrors are in her capture and training? Why was she chosen to have her memories erased when it isn't standard across the board for Cadmus initiates? Who had she left behind when they took her?

Her nerves mean it takes much longer to get through the details of her old life, as does the need to continuously push her emotions away long enough to keep her focus on remembering. There's so much to take in, so many little facts about herself she'd forgotten. They seem familiar, a lost echo, but at the same time the woman she reads about feels like a stranger. She can't picture herself in the situations detailed in the initial surveillance prior to her capture, and she can't remember the faces of the people mentioned in her life.

Only one name stands out, the rest falling into the background as mere details. Undoubtedly she'd feel more with memories attached to the names but right now they’re just words on paper. And Kara can't let herself feel strongly enough to register emotions on her face or heart rate, so it's easier to feel nothing at all.

But the name Alex is harder. Her sister, the file says. Her home, her heart says. The one person or thing in her file that makes her feel a real sense of loss. As she thinks about Alex there’s a hole in her mind. A place where the memories of a life well lived should be. She can almost see them, can feel the weight of the emotions they hold. But the memories themselves are nowhere to be found. The only comfort is in her capture records, proving none of the various figures in her life were harmed when Cadmus abducted her. Cold comfort, but comfort all the same.

She barely sleeps all night as she tosses and turns, trying to settle the facts from the file with the emotions they raise. She still has to be effective. There’s still a plan to make, an attack pattern to settle on. Cadmus has to pay.

Cat notices her lethargy the next morning despite Kara’s best efforts to hide it. If you know what to look for it’s clear in the way her reactions are a touch slower, her eyes a little duller. She can still act quickly and decisively but she’s not at peak form.

Not a word is said when they climb into the van and begin the drive. Kara uses the time to refocus, to shove away her anger enough to do what’s necessary and avoid tipping Cadmus off to her shifting goals. The ice of her first brutal training days is the best protection and before long she’s shut down all emotions completely.

She pushes all memories of her file away and makes herself forget the name Alex. Even the trust and cautious warmth for Cat is gone, a weakness in her walls Kara can’t afford.

When they park at a small, seedy motel on the outskirts of some backwoods town Kara stalks into the room to do a sweep before Cat can say a word to break the silence. Any sign of warmth could threaten her icy shell. She needs more time to let it set before she can take that.

"Be careful," Cat says once she's finished securing their belongings against prying eyes. "Lord and Luthor are good at what they do, they know how to spot tiny differences better than anyone else in the facility. Whatever changed between yesterday and today, you need to push it down. If you don't they'll notice the first time they talk to you, and at best push until you tell them what it was."

Kara knows that 'push' is too light a term for whatever the Cadmus leaders would do to her, but she appreciates the need for discretion. And Cat is right. Especially if she's spending days at a time locked in small rooms with Luthor. There'd be no avoiding her scrutiny there.

"I'll handle it," she says eventually. "By the end of the mission I'll be fine."

Cat doesn't look convinced, but she turns back to their supplies anyway. "Don't be cold," she says, voice so quiet Kara can barely hear her. "You can try to freeze things out and it'll work to a point. But ice is brittle. It just freezes what you're already feeling. Doesn't get rid of it. You have to be stone. You can't let anything bother you."

Kara can almost feel the long buried pain from that lesson in Cat's words. The instinctive care and concern it brings nearly shatters her walls, enough to prove Cat's point without another word being said.

But she doesn't know how to be stone, not when she can still feel the ragged edges of her memories in the corners of her mind. So many details weren't in her file and yet she can feel their absence. How can she shut out the feeling of loss and fury boiling away in her stomach? It’s become a part of her now as surely as the skills Cadmus trained into her.

Would it have been easier, Kara wonders, if Cadmus left her memories intact? If she knew exactly who she was killing to protect? Even without remembering Alex she'd already killed more than a dozen people, struggling with each one. Would remembering her sister give additional focus? Or would it just highlight how far Kara had fallen from the moment Cat placed a knife in her hands?

Cat is still waiting for an answer, Kara can tell by the way she's aimlessly sorting things in one of their suitcases. No Cadmus agent would waste energy that way and doubly not in enemy territory. You never knew how close to the edge you would get before a mission's end. Sometimes five minutes of fidgeting could take the last bits of energy you'd need in a fight.

"I'll sort it out. Just a bad dream is all."

Kara wants to reveal more, wants to ask for Cat's help overthrowing Cadmus. From the few hints she's dropped over the months of training and the buried pain in her voice earlier Kara knows there's no love lost between assassin and organization. Surely Cat of all people would be the one she could trust when it came to something like this.

But the mere thought of trusting someone is too much for Kara right now. She's still fighting to be cold, or stone, or simply an emotionless shell of a human being. If she lets Cat in her fragile balance will be broken.

That doesn't stop her from reaching out in the darkness of their motel room once they settle in for the night, clinging to Cat's deceptively slender hand with a desperation that surprises her. The night before she'd been focused on what she'd lost.

Tonight, she focuses on what little she still has.

***

The next day's ride is as quiet as the first, but this time it doesn't feel strained or awkward. Knowing Cat was looking out for her managed to soothe some of Kara's worries and tension enough for her to relax and refocus on the task at hand. She'd get through this mission and then save her energy for taking down Cadmus.

"We're coming up on the target," Cat says around 2 in the afternoon, pulling off the highway and into a mostly residential suburb. "There's security, so we're going to drive past and take a look before coming back tonight to take him out."

Kara nods, settling back with what she thinks of as her 'practiced disinterest' look. It allows her to observe without anyone taking notice of a focused stare. No one thinks twice about a young woman staring out a car window into the distance. Not the way they would if she were clearly focused on something.

"On the right, there," Cat murmurs as she slows her speed the barest amount, nodding slightly towards the largest home on the block. "Two guards in front, a third potentially in the gatehouse out of sight."

"Camera coverage looks limited," Kara answers, spotting signs of hidden surveillance equipment in the eaves. "Covers the main approaches but doesn't account for someone scaling the trees in back."

"There'll be something back there. He's too cautious to leave an approach that open."

Cat keeps her speed  steady as they pass the house, and Kara sees a few more guards walking around the backyard. This would definitely be a difficult target.

"Earpieces on the guards indicate they're in direct contact with each other. Probably have set check in times." It's a puzzle, one Kara knows they have to solve. How do you take out someone so heavily guarded without using half an armory of firepower? They’ve got a small cache of explosives in the back, but if there’s any reinforced walls to the place they won’t even make a dent unless they’re right next to the target.

"Damn, I knew  he'd increase his security detail, but this is ridiculous," Cat says, trailing off to swear under her breath. "He's at least tripled it based on the reports from the last attempt, if not quadrupled."

Kara wants desperately to ask what happened on the last attempt, but they're still in the van. Still in range of Cadmus listening devices even if there are no active transmissions back to the facility. Not for the first time she curses the 'no questions' rule. It's unnecessarily restrictive at times like this, and if she weren't fully aware Cadmus knows that she'd wonder if it were intentional. Sometimes there are good and necessary questions she needs to ask. Clarification to be requested. But to Cadmus, there is no leeway. Questions indicate free thinking. And free thinking is dangerous. She's to do as told and nothing more.

"Midnight went after him, about three weeks ago," Cat says eventually, picking up on Kara's shifting. "She got caught before she breached the outer security layer and he hasn't been off his property since."

Kara nods her understanding and thanks, grateful to have a few more pieces of the puzzle. Obviously a high priority target if someone like Midnight were sent after him, Cadmus clearly feels he's worth risking two of their best operatives. Whatever game they're playing, whatever the endgame for the organization, this is one time where there is absolutely no room for failure.

It also explains the haunted look on Midnight's face when she'd returned, and why Kara hadn't seen her in the past week. Whatever punishment Cadmus planned for her had obviously fallen quickly. It's a potent reminder of what Kara now has to lose if they can't pull this off.

"There was an abandoned house two streets over that could work for an overlook," Kara points out, glossing over the awkward moment. "Due North so we won't deal with glare from the sunset, and it looked like there was a garage we can stash the van in."

Cat hums thoughtfully, winding her way through back streets until they're in front of said house and she can see for herself. "It's doable. You've been hanging around with the techs so I'm sure the alarm system won't be a problem."

Kara nods, already studying the house and looking for telltale signs of security to bypass. It'll be lighter in the abandoned building than their target's house, but the tradeoff is any weirdness in the readings will be harder to pass off.

"Doesn't look like there's anything more than a lock on the garage," she says thoughtfully, "so we can probably get in there before anyone can see us, hole up for a bit until dusk falls and I can tackle the main entries."

No motion detectors, faint signs of wiring around the doors and windows, and Kara can see sensors there that will go off if anything is opened or broken. Not much to someone of her skills. All she needs to do is find the main control access outside the home and she should be inside within two minutes.

Cat obviously knows exactly what she's capable of and doesn't argue or question, just pulls up to the garage to let Kara work her magic. Not that it takes much of that. The lock is flimsy for such a high end neighborhood and it takes all of thirty seconds to pop it open and move the van inside. To a casual observer they probably look like maintenance or repair workers. Not worth noticing in an area like this.

"Dusk is in about two hours," Cat says as she climbs out of the van and joins Kara across the spacious garage. "We'll move then, take tonight for surveillance and hopefully act tomorrow."

Kara nods, peeking out the small window to look for any hints on where the control panel she needs might be located. She doesn't feel comfortable talking about anything sensitive this close to the van even with the space in the garage and there's nothing left to say about the mission at hand. That just leaves her thoughts.

The potential risks associated with failing are bringing not only the need for success into clear view for her. She's also wondering if it's worth it to go along with Cadmus any longer than she has to. Surely someone as well trained as she is should have no problem dismantling the organization from the inside provided she manages to build a proper plan. And if she can find another Cadmus agent willing to help it should be almost easy. The system is secure, but not that secure. Lord and Luthor obviously count a great deal on their indoctrination and the threat of harm coming to loved ones left behind.

But if Kara could get Alex and the rest of her family and friends to safety somehow then there's no real risk to taking action. If she fails and dies, well they already think she's dead. And if they're safely away Cadmus won't be able to find them. Not if Kara buries the traces well enough.

Between the rote study of the neighborhood as evening falls and the thoughts occupying her mind it's dusk before Kara realizes it. As expected it's the work of mere moments to bypass the alarm system, and Cat quickly goes about setting up a watch post in the upstairs bedroom facing their target.

"Any luck spotting a way in?" Kara asks quietly as she finishes placing their own sensors around the house for advance warning should someone stop by to check on the property.

"A few ideas, but nothing great," Cat says with a grimace, holding the binoculars out to Kara. "Here, you take a look and see if there's anything I'm missing."

Not expecting to find much, Kara does as she's told and begins to carefully study what they can see of the property from this distance. It's not the greatest view but she sees the same obvious but possibly doable approaches she assumes Cat had noted. And then she sees something else. Something crazy, dangerous, and with the potential to go horribly wrong if their timing is off by even a second.

"Second floor,  east balcony," she says as she hands the binoculars back to Cat. "Guards walk buy underneath every two minutes like clockwork, and it's a camera blindspot if you jump over from the roof next door."

The house next door is four stories and only barely close enough to make the leap possible. It's a long jump and a potentially deadly fall if they get it wrong, and with the guard's patrol pattern they won't have the full two minutes to pull it off. Near impossible, but it would land them in the room next to their target. That, or on the pavement with at minimum several broken bones. No matter how well trained they are at falling without hurting themselves, the drop from the house next door to the walk below is too far for any normal human to land safely. Not even Kara's newfound abilities can help her there.

"It'd get us where we need to be," Cat says thoughtfully, still staring out the window as she tracks back and forth to study the whole area. "Timing it would be tough though."

"What if only one of us goes?"

The question falls flat as Cat turns to look at Kara in surprise. This has been a two person mission from the beginning and splitting up like this feels wrong for them. They're stronger together as a team, not split up with one person completely out of reach should something go wrong.

"There are too many guards for one of us to take on alone," Cat says eventually, not voicing all the other issues Kara is sure she'd thought of. "What happens if the alarm trips and the inside man can't get back outside?"

"I can do it. I can make the jump, I can take out the target, and I'll figure out a way back once I'm inside." Kara's trying to sound confident, but the thought of the risk she's taking is a lot even for someone as well trained as she is. It's a big risk and failure would be too painful to consider.

But if she pulls it off then they have nothing to worry about. They can put the whole situation behind them and go back to their normal run of the mill assassins without the trouble of sneaking past heightened security and watchful guards.

Cat's silent for long moments as she thinks it over. It's clear from her face she doesn't like the idea, but Kara knows it's their best shot. They've already used two of their seven days on travel alone and have two going back. If they don't act tomorrow or the day after there's a good chance they could be late and to Cadmus that's as good as failing completely.

"We'll watch tomorrow for any other weaknesses, and if there's nothing we'll move at midnight."

Kara nods, reaching out for a split second to squeeze Cat's hand before pulling back. The gesture is innocent, particularly when compared to the intimacy they've shared in the past, but somehow it feels deeper than any of the rest. Especially when Cat doesn't protest, instead flashing a small smile Kara's way before turning back to the view  in silence.

***

“Clear view?” Kara whispers into her mic as she perches carefully out of sight on the roof next to her target. For all her earlier confidence now that she’s in position the nerves are getting to her.

“Clear view. I can take out at least three of the guards from here before someone notices in case you’re spotted and have a clear line of sight into the target’s room through the window.” There’s a bitterness in Cat’s voice as she mentions the window, one Kara shares. For someone so paranoid about assassination attempts he’d locked himself away with armed guards on round the clock patrol the man stood in front of his window with depressing regularity.

They’d looked carefully once they’d noticed, hoping it was a weakness they needed to keep Kara from risking her life on this foolish stunt, only to see the carefully hidden signs all windows in the house had been replaced with bulletproof glass not even the small rocket launcher they’d packed could break through. And at that point the apparent carelessness took on a new tone. He wasn’t stupid, he was taunting them.

‘Look how confident I am in my safety, I can stand in plain sight and you can’t do anything to hurt me.’

For all Kara’s deep hatred of the work she’s now trained to do that arrogance almost made her forget the distaste. Almost, but not quite. Just enough to provide a safer secondary motivation. Better to push the knowledge of her family down into the depths of her mind and focus on the annoyance the taunting created.

“Okay, I move on your mark.”

If it were anyone but Cat on the other end of the line Kara would refuse to trust their word in a situation like this. She’s trained with the other Cadmus agents enough to know they’re all frighteningly competent and well trained, but this is another level entirely.

"Go in three, two, one, now."

The moment the words come across the line Kara is in motion. She's practiced the jump a thousand times in her head from the moment they realized this was the best plan they'd find and her limbs move exactly as they're supposed to.

She only has about 30 seconds to get down the roof's slope, pause to set her feet, and make the jump as silently as possible. Bulletproof glass does wonders for soundproofing so no one inside should hear her, and the room is empty so no one should see her. But the guards below are clearly well trained and on high alert. A single errant noise could attract attention she can't afford.

A split second into the leap Kara knows she's misjudged the distance. There's a solid ledge around the balcony and the actual floor of it is half a foot lower than it looked from the safehouse. Not serious, but enough that her arc is taking her a little too close to the sliding glass door.

Wrenching her body around in midair she tries to correct, hearing Cat's gasp in her ear as she focuses on landing without hurting herself. She can't fail this early on. There's too much at stake to be taken out by a simple jump she's made a hundred times in practice.

In the end she manages to land only slightly heavier than intended, no sound escaping to the patrol route beneath her. Not even the moan of pain she wants to let out when her left ankle takes the brunt of the landing and sends a shooting pain up her leg.

"Guard passing beneath you, don't move," Cat whispers in her ear, and Kara freezes. This is the most touchy part of the night.

If she's spotten the alarm will be raised and she won't make it to their target. Cat might have a shot with her sniper rifle but Kara would put money on there being a reinforced escape car and decoy ready to go at a moment's notice. Stealth is their only real chance at this.

"Okay, clear. You landed hard, good to move?"

"I'm fine," Kara lies, gingerly testing her ankle. It's sore and she'll definitely be icing it if they make it back to a hotel but she's had worse. It will hold her weight well enough that she knows it isn't broken and she has plenty of practice shutting out pain to focus on a target at hand. "The door has a sensor, let me know if the patrol gets close before I can bypass it."

In the end it takes three passes by the guard before she's comfortable easing the door open. The sensor is higher tech than the empty house but it's still no match for Kara's skills. "Okay, I'm in. Leaving the balcony door unlocked for a quick escape if needed." She really, really hopes it won't come to that with her newly busted ankle but it's the one definite exit they'd been able to plot from a distance. If she can make it past the outside security she'll meet Cat in the van a few houses down.

Once inside it's even easier to push the pain away. Her absolute focus on the job keeps anything extraneous from diverting her attention. Every noise is absorbed and catalogued as she creeps across the room, from the nearly silent way the floor creaks with her movements to the faint sound of guards talking in the distance. She's going over the layout in her mind, planning her approach as Cat whispers position updates for guards and their target in her ear.

"Hallway looks clear," Cat whispers when Kara reports she's to the door. "No guard patrol passes by the windows or the stretch I can see. Can't tell if there's anyone lurking."

Well, Kara'd known that much going in. They have the original building plans for the house, verified as much as possible by external surveillance. And they have clear lines of sight into half the rooms and a good portion of the halls. But if Kara were designing the guard patterns she'd definitely have someone stationed in a blind spot with a good view of the hallway. Just because there were guards outside doesn't mean no one can slip past, as her current position proves.

Which is why despite leaving behind most of the gear Kara is carrying a thermal imaging camera that should pick up any stationary heat signatures waiting to give her a very bad time. It'd taken up room she'd rather have used for another gun and silencer but she'd known it was necessary. Her single gun and the knives strapped to her belt will be enough for a simple kill and if things go badly enough she needs more than that then having a single handgun isn't going to change much.

Slow sweeps with the camera show no one in the hallway, only the two profiles Cat had spotted and was keeping an eye on. Their target and his personal bodyguard, both two doors down the hallway. She'd probably have to take them both out, but that was why she'd brought the gun. Most of the time she couldn't use one without attracting attention, silencer or no, but this time she had to act fast and take out multiple targets.

Easing her way into the hall Kara moves silently towards the doorway, tapping her mic in a specific pattern to request a status update from Cat.

"No view of the target from the window, he's moved to the center of the room. Bodyguard is in front of the left window, facing perpendicular to the doorway. No weapon in hand." Cat is calm on the surface but Kara can hear the tension in her voice. She'd obviously spotted Kara's limp despite attempts to hide it. Serious or not, it was a sign that their plan had already started to go sideways. Anything else and they might not manage to complete the mission.

A single tap to her mic indicates Kara is going in, and with a deep breath she throws open the door and sights quickly on the bodyguard. A single squeeze of the trigger lands a perfect headshot and Kara sweeps to the right, searching for her target.

She's only made it halfway through her arc when a jolt of electricity rushes through her, one strong enough to make all her muscles tense so she can't move. And while she's frozen a foot swings out, connecting with her hand just as the current stops and her muscles release. The perfect timing to disarm her.

"I knew they'd send someone else," the target says, holding up a remote that Kara guesses controls the trap she'd walked into. "You really think I didn't plan for you to get this far?"

"You paid a lot of money to make sure I didn't," Kara says, playing along for time. She can't hear Cat in her ear anymore, the connection temporarily disrupted by the electricity. She's on her own for now.

"Obviously not enough if you're standing here. But maybe your dead body will be a better deterrent for anyone they send after you."

Kara wants to laugh as much as she wants to cry, already knowing the answer to that one. Her death is no deterrent to Cadmus. They'll send as many agents as it takes if they've decided this man needs to die.

No, the only thing her death will accomplish is getting her family killed. Her family, and probably Cat as well.

With that thought Kara pushes past the fatigue in her muscles, not flinching when the electricity hits her again. She's trained for this, a few shocks are nothing. Now that they're expected she can shake them off the same way she's shaking off her sprained ankle.

There's no time to reach for a knife but Kara doesn't need one for this. Cadmus had prepared her for anything. It takes only a few heartbeats before the man is dead at her feet, the jolts stopping once the control falls from his hand. She'd done it.

As Kara stumbles back her stomach begins to rebel, a strange feeling she hasn't experienced since the first of her kills. She'd gotten used to the constant bloodshed since that day. Learned to push the emotions down rather than dwell on them. And she'd gotten very, very good at what was asked of her so she could spend as little time killing someone as possible.

So to suddenly feel sick and dizzy feels more wrong than the killing had. She's been through this often enough before to cope, and yet she isn't coping.

"Phoenix, you have about two minutes to find an exit before someone checks on you."

Cat's voice in her ear as the connection reestablishes is a lifeline and Kara clings to it desperately. She has a job to do. She has someone watching out for her. She needs to get out of here before dozens of heavily armed men rush the room she's in.

"Lightest guard coverage direction?" she manages to ask, gasping out each word as she focuses on her breathing to calm down.

"Single guard on the back door. If you can rig a distraction in the room and pull everyone up you should be able to sneak through the back and out past the property line. I'm on my way with the van now, keeping an eye on movement through a remote link." Cat is coming for her. She can depend on Cat. There is a way out.

In the end she has to take down a guard on the staircase, but she makes it to the back door before the timed charge goes off in the upstairs room. Just as she'd hoped the blast pulls the guards in and she slips out behind them before their training kicks in and they lock the place down. The pain in her ankle doesn't stop her from sprinting towards the hedges and vaulting over, nor does the thought anyone watching their camera feeds will see her. Being seen on cameras isn't the issue now, getting out is.

"I didn't hear anyone following," Kara gasps out as she gets into the van, the pain of pushing her injury too far catching up to her once she's safe. "The blast distracted them but I'd put money on them starting a grid search for anyone matching my description as soon as they check in with the camera guys."

"Your clothing change is in the bag under the seat, I'm heading into the city. We'll lay low for the night and head back to base tomorrow." Cat sounds perfectly calm, but the way she keeps glancing at Kara proves otherwise. Whatever breakdown happened in that house, Cat is aware of it. Aware and worried.

But a bugged Cadmus van isn't the place for that conversation so they fall silent as Kara switches her skintight black working gear for a flowery blouse and modest skirt. Cat's already slipped a cardigan over her gear, proof against anything but a detailed stop and inspection. The black looks like an undershirt, and the light blue of the top layer screams kindergarten teacher more than assassin.

As Kara stares at her, using the familiarity to keep her breathing under control, she realizes what a strange contradiction Cat presents. Not just the two outfits. But the level of care she's always shown Kara. The understanding she has without a word needing said. And yet Kara knows if she fails Cat will not hesitate to slide a knife into her back.

Regret it, probably. Kara is sure of that much no matter how little she actually knows of the other woman. But she'd still do it. Why Kara wants to trust her is something she can't figure out no matter how much she overthinks it.

Their motel for the night is a little nicer than the one before but they follow the same pattern. Kara scouts the room for any surprises and Cat grabs their supplies, securing the van so nothing screams 'covert agents' to anyone passing by. They'd managed to complete their mission without revealing themselves or drawing the authorities into it, the last thing they need is some busybody motel occupant to catch sight of a suspiciously lumpy bag and call the cops.

Once they're safely inside with the door locked behind them Cat fixes Kara with a pointed stare. "What happened in there?"

Kara shrugs as she continues wrapping her ankle, not knowing what to say. She's tried very hard to avoid thinking about it so far. Losing her cool in the van where Cadmus might hear the breathing change on the recording was not a good idea. So she'd pushed everything away.

But now Cat is pushing it back towards her and Kara knows she can't avoid it any longer. So she lets her mind go back to the moment, replaying each action and how she'd reacted to it.

It's not until she remembers the killing blow that Kara realizes what's wrong. For all the missions she's carried out and all the people dead at her hands, she'd never killed someone without a weapon before tonight. Never looked them in the eye and saw the flash of panic before the light went dim.

Her breathing is shallow once more as everything hits at once. Not just this mission, this kill. It's the worst, the most immediate, but the real struggle is the way it makes her remember every other time she'd struck. Every bullet, every knife thrust, every blow she'd landed. Death and pain all at her hands.

"Breathe with me, Linda, breathe. There you go, deep breaths." It takes some time before Kara can push the panic away, but when she does she finds Cat kneeling at her feet, looking at her with understanding and concern. "It just hit you, didn't it? What we do. What the cost is."

Kara can only nod, not trusting her voice just yet.

"We've all been there. The moment you realize what your life is now, all that's left, it breaks you. Cadmus thinks it's the training, but it's this moment right here."

"I can't let it break me," Kara manages to say, her walls failing as she remembers Alex and the rest of the friends back in the life she's lost. "I won't let them win."

"They already have. The best you can do is rebuild yourself. It hurts, but after this it's a lot easier." Cat sounds certain, but Kara's already decided there has to be another way.

"Or we could stop them," she says without thinking, without weighing the risks or considering Cat might feel obligated to kill her where she stands. "How many years, Cat? How many blows, how many deaths? We could stop it all."

The name hits, Kara can see it in her face. No Cadmus cover identity, no official Cadmus code name. Just the name of a woman long considered dead. But she isn't. If she was Kara wouldn't be alive now either.

"I gave up on fighting a long time ago," Cat says eventually, shifting back on her heels as she looks up at Kara with a hopeless look on her face. "It wouldn't work and I'd lose everything."

What she means by that Kara doesn't know, but she can't resist that look. She doesn't want Cat to feel hopeless, she wants to save her. Save them both.

"We could though. We could do it. Cadmus isn't invincible."

Cat shakes her head and stands, turning her back. "It's a fool's dream. Give it up, don't let yourself fall into that trap. I'll forget I heard anything. They already won this battle long before you realized you were fighting it."

"You don't know that," Kara tries, springing to her feet and pacing behind Cat. "We're their two best assets and they'd have no idea what we were planning. You taught me a surprise attack is the best way to take a target down, and we're both undefeated. Working together we could take Cadmus down in no time."

Cat shakes her head, and Kara starts to feel desperate. She can't handle this resigned and defeated version of Cat. It's wrong. It feels like the universe is standing on its head and taunting her.

"Won't you even try?" she pleads when Cat doesn't answer, doesn't even turn to face her. "We could do this, Cat."

"No, we can't. You're underestimating them, you will always underestimate them. The cruelty they can mete out is nothing like what you've experienced so far. Nothing." Cat's turned to face her now, anger clear in her stance and clenched fists. "You think I'm undefeated? You're wrong. Cadmus is the bully you can't fight. And the sooner you come to terms with that thought the better off everyone will be."

Kara can accept a lot, but not this. Not a defense of the institution that stole her memories, her life. Even knowing Cat hates them with every bit as much passion as she does can't stop her next words. Giving in and stopping the fight might be better for them, but she can't take that option. Not when she's this angry. "Better for who? Because it's sure as hell not better for us, and that doesn't count the people we've killed? How many for you? How many before it's too much?"

"You can't ask me to do this," Cat says, losing a bit of her fight as she stares at Kara. "You can't. It won't work and I won't risk it."

She won't change her mind. Kara knows that much from the long hours spent training and fighting by her side. Once she's committed to a plan it would take an act of God herself to change direction, and Kara's long since decided God doesn't care bit about them.

Which means the next time Kara picks up a weapon, Cat might very well be on the other side.

The thought is too much after her earlier realization and Kara moves on instinct to push it away, desperate for some proof the worst hasn't happened. The future is just that, the future. The present is now, and the present has them both safe in a tiny motel room, isolated from the rest of the world.

She's moving before her brain catches up, pulling Cat into her body with an all consuming need to show the universe it hasn't won quite yet. They can still have this. Not everything has been taken from them.

Cat meets Kara's passion with her own, guiding them across the room until her back hits the wall and Kara can lean against her, pressing close enough there's no space between them. In this moment, in this place, they're united in goal and desire.

Kara barely manages to get Cat’s pants unbuttoned before her fingers are searching out the places she’s explored only twice before. And this time she focuses every spare bit of her mind on memorizing the feeling of Cat on her fingers, the taste of her skin as she maps kisses down the column of her throat.

She can feel the hints of wetness grow beneath her careful movements until Cat is soaked and she can speed up, quick circles against her clit alternating with slow but firm passes along every bit of the folds she can reach from this angle. And when she decides it’s not enough she moves her free hand, the one that’s been holding Cat to her as if afraid she’d slip away if Kara lost focus for a single second, to push her pants down and off until she has free access.

Through it all Cat is urging her on, nails scraping down Kara’s back as she rolls her hips in a rhythm that drives Kara’s own movements forward. And the second her legs are free she uses the new freedom and leverage to push Kara back and hop up so her weight is supported only by Kara’s hips and the wall they’re braced against.

It makes things both easier and more difficult, Kara can’t be as free with her movements in this position but she can sink two fingers inside Cat with firm thrusts. It’s hell on her ankle but she leans forward and places most of the burden on her right leg using the wall to support the rest of Cat’s weight so her hips can move in time with her hands and give leverage to push deeper and harder where Cat needs her most.

They’re slapping against the wall with every thrust and Kara can hear a few shouted complaints from the neighbors but there’s no stopping them now. Not when Cat feels so hot and wet around her fingers. Not when sweat is pooling in the small of Kara’s back and she feels seconds from combusting. Not when they’ve abandoned pressing kisses to exposed skin in favor of resting their foreheads together, each shared breath mingling between them as they fight to deny any future conflicts between them.

“Cat, Cat, Cat,” Kara chants in time with her thrusts, reminding her of the woman she’d been once before. The woman Kara still hopes she can be again.

Cat, for her part, is much less coherent with her vocalizations. Each thrust brings out a keening moan, louder the harder Kara moves. Her grip is tight enough Kara can feel the impressions of nails in her skin, wonders if Cat will break the surface.

Will Cadmus punish them if they return showing proof of this moment, she wonders for a few scant moments before pushing the thought away. She doesn’t care what Cadmus thinks about their actions. This is about them and no one else no matter what realizations brought them to this point.

She can feel when Cat lets go, feel the tightness around her fingers as Cat tries to draw her in, draw her closer. Her head is thrown back against the wall as her moan fades into silence, her grip is tight and Kara feels a few pinpricks of pain as skin is broken. Oh but it's worth it, would always be worth it.

Here in a seedy motel, pressed up against the wall, clothes still mostly in place they're the truest versions of themselves Kara has ever known. They aren't Cadmus agents. They aren't assassins. They aren't anything the outside world expects of them.

They just are.

She keeps moving as Cat comes down, easing her through the aftershocks as if by drawing out the orgasm she can draw out this moment of peace she isn't ready to let go of. They've found a bubble in time and Kara needs it to last for just a few minutes longer.

When Cat drops her feet from around Kara's waist before she's even stopped trembling Kara's heart falls the slightest bit. Maybe they weren't on the same page.

But then Cat pushes her back towards the bed, trembling muscles doing nothing to cut the strength in her arms. And since the bed presages good things for her Kara goes along with the move, falling onto her back with arms spread wide. 'Come get me' the pose says, and oh she hopes Cat does.

Cat doesn't follow immediately, instead taking the time to shuck what remnants of her disguise and tactical suit she's still wearing. Kara follows her lead the moment she notices what Cat's doing, not caring that her button up and skirt would allow plenty of access. Now that she's gotten the first tantalizing glimpse of bare skin she's well familiar with she wants to feel Cat pressed against her without barriers.

It's scant seconds before she gets her wish, and Kara's moan when Cat settles atop her is as much for the feeling of skin against skin as it is about the way one hand has already started kneading her breast with firm pressure. There are no words between them after the earlier argument, but they don't need them. They can read each other in the barest of exhalations.

Two fingers press to Kara's wetness before she registers Cat moving, quick circles and long strokes pushing her need higher with every second of attention Cat lavishes on her. A quick tilt of her hips has Cat sliding inside, pace fast and sure as they move together. And a firm grip on Cat's hips has two fingers becoming three, becoming four as Kara continues to search for more.

She isn't sure what she needs because this should be everything. Cat is above and inside her, moving together as pleasure prickles along Kara's nerves with every shifting movement and thrust. And yet there's still something missing, some need to have her deeper and harder.

Her wordless moans take on a need Kara would almost feel ashamed of if she weren't so far gone, so when Cat pulls back completely she can't help the cry of pain and need from the sudden absence of Cat within her. What is she doing, what in their packs could possibly be more important than finishing Kara’s drive towards her climax?

"Shhh," Cat soothes, tone calm in direct contrast to the way she's frantically rooting through their bags. "I know what you need." Her voice is barely a whisper, not enough to completely calm Kara's feelings of sudden abandonment but close enough she can wait somewhat patiently.

And when Cat turns back with something in her hand Kara barely recognizes as one of their handheld weapons, the rounded baton shape wrapped in something shiny that glistens under the light, she understands. Cat alone isn't enough to take her as deeply as she needs but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. Just needed a little ingenuity.

She reaches out as Cat crosses back to the bed, her hands finding Cat's and guiding the improvised toy down to where she needs it. She's too far gone to wait for any teasing Cat might have planned.

And oh, the stretch as they start to push it inside, that's exactly what she'd needed. The hint of pain, eased by Cat's free hand flicking at her clit as they move together. The absolute feeling of fullness as it settles inside, resting there for a scant second before Cat begins to pick up the pace. With every thrust she adds speed and force, pushing the toy deeper and Kara higher.

Kara wishes she could live in this moment forever. From the steady pounding of her heart nearly in time with each push of Cat's arm, from the solidity of Cat's frame above her that's a match to the solidity she's currently clenching around, she never wants it to end. Here they're safe, here they're together.

One of her hands reaches to the side and grabs a desperate hold on the sheets as her back arches, and the other reaches to pull Cat down and closer. The move shifts the angle of the toy within her and the moan she lets out is closer to a shout.

Cat's angle is perfect now, but she can't get the same power behind each movement. Not that Kara minds, she's too far gone to notice much difference. Everything is perfect, exactly what she needs to finally reach her peak. Coming with another shout she clenches down so hard against the toy within her Cat can't move it, settling for twisting gently as she brings Kara down, returning the favor from earlier.

Once she's fallen limp to the bed Kara debates pulling Cat in for a kiss. She remembers the first time their lips met, the first barely there press against one another and the faint hints of buried emotions they'd both held. In this hidden sanctuary Kara wants to believe those hints could become something more.

But she knows this moment of peace can't last, and she doesn't want to add to the pain once their time ends. She can't go back to her old rhythm and habits, and Cat has made it clear if she moves forward she will move forward alone.

So instead of a kiss she lays spent as Cat slowly eases the wrapped baton from inside her, stretching her arms widely once it's free then settling into place in the bed. She's too tired to clean herself up, and Cat seems to have everything else well in hand.

"Is this another thing we have to forget?" she whispers once Cat's cleaned up after them, setting their alarm for the morning before climbing in next to her.

Cat is silent for long moments, carefully distant on the small bed. They're both smart enough to know how this will go. "I don't think I can."

Kara nods her understanding, knowing Cat will feel the motion even with the darkness in the room.

In the morning they'll pack up and return to Cadmus, an unspoken understanding between them. What happened here, away from Cadmus, will stay here. They'll both know but it's not for anyone else. This was between two women reaching out to each other in a rough situation, not two Cadmus agents on a mission.

Scrivener will have no knowledge of what Kara is planning, and Phoenix won't know Cat is hiding information from Cadmus.

And the two women locked within their masks will stay silent, each hoping for the best possible outcome. Knowing the odds are against them all the while.

Chapter Text

It's weirdly easy to avoid Cat without being obvious. Once they'd returned to Cadmus and given a full debrief Luthor claimed Kara's time once more, while Lord piled assignment after assignment on Cat. Kara's nearly certain he's doing it to prove Luthor's experimenting is pointless and a waste of time, but she isn't about to suggest that to anyone. Luthor knows Lord well enough by now she can spot the message herself, and Kara still isn't sure how often Cadmus watches her movements.

She's on experiment duty for another two weeks after her mission with Cat, just long enough for any tension between them to settle into the normal day to day routines. They're both very aware of the potential risk that comes with any change in their behavior and the time apart gives them each time to push the memories down enough that they can work together once more.

Not that they often have the chance to do that, once Luthor decided they'd learned everything possible about Kara's ability in a controlled environment she's sent out to test it in the real world. It means more missions, more kills, but Kara compartmentalizes.

The realization on the last trip might not have broken her, but it did bend her strength. She's passed another stage of decency and she knows it. More kills may weigh on her soul but Kara knows she can carry them. Any time it feels like too much she lets herself imagine Lord or Luthor in the place of her target and that's enough.

An increased workload and time off Cadmus grounds does offer more time to break into the system, and Kara takes full advantage where she can. By now she's made it through the surveillance footage to determine a pattern, singling out what sparks additional review from their minders.

Surprisingly enough she finds Cat is under almost constant surveillance, her only breaks on missions and when she trains in the woods. Even then there's distant video, the silhouette on the screen proving Cat is still where she said she'd be. No audio, nothing closer, but even from the distance Kara can see the rage in her actions. No wonder she's flagged as high risk in the system. Cadmus only cares about what they can see, they don't know Cat's already given up.

Beyond that Kara focuses on her own file, searching for patterns and weak points. She's not watched as closely as Cat is, though she does note the system switches audio on whenever she talks to another Cadmus agent. Not even the break room is safe there.

She thinks that's likely Lord's doing, particularly when she notices the active monitoring increase after the mission where she discovered her abilities. Maybe he suspected she'd try to use her new skills to sway the other agents into acting against him? Or maybe he was afraid Luthor would.

There was no love lost between the two leaders, Kara knows that much from the few unfortunate times she's been stuck in the same room with them both. Lord covered whatever skill he had with boasts and general assholery, but Luthor was calm and deadly. Kara had absolutely no problem believing the woman would slide a knife between her ribs at the slightest provocation. And if she could get away with it, she'd probably do the same to Lord without a good reason.

Whatever is keeping the truce between them Kara doesn't know. All her hacking hasn't revealed anything useful on that front and she knows better than to go poking around in the really sensitive files. She doesn't have the skill or access points to pull that off.

What she does have is a list of Cadmus agents likely to fight against the others for a shot at freedom. She's watched too closely to make any moves towards recruiting them, but she does start sitting with the others at meal times a little more. Slowly, so she doesn't tip off Lord or Luthor with a change in her patterns, but consistently. She picks someone she'd trained with earlier under the guise of branching from her current fighting style and discuss the training session with them as they sit. Then let the conversation turn to more relaxed topics to get a feel for their personalities.

Each mission she finds time to check on her file, looking for anything that says Cadmus has noticed what she's doing. Building a mental dossier on the entirety of the assassin corp is risky and if she overplays her hand they could spot the plotting before she's ready.

But for all their much vaunted insight Lord and Luthor don't seem to notice. The increased sociability is noted but dismissed. After all, she's still far more reclusive than any of the others save Cat. A few conversations here and there don't trip any radars.

A vague plan has just started to form when she checks her file once more only to see a new addendum. She's memorized every word in the file, so the bare postscript grabs her attention the second she starts scrolling through the familiar pages.

*Abilities non genetic, possibly environmental. Additional subjects required.

The words make Kara's blood run cold. There's only one thing that could mean and there's no way she can let it happen. She can't let them take Alex. She can't let them put her sister through the same training she went through. And she can't let Alex face the same pain she faces every time she's assigned a new target.

With that in mind Kara steps her plans up. Her current mission is simple and she cuts the man down without a second thought before heading back to the main Cadmus facility. She can't risk leaving him alive and sparking curiosity from her minders, not before she has a chance to strike.

"Ah, Phoenix, you're back early," Lord says as he greets her at the door. "Easy kill today then?"

"Their security was out," Kara lies, leading the way down the hallway when he gestures. "I took the opportunity while he was distracted."

"Ah, good old fashioned leg work. Don't need mystical abilities when you've got time and skill, right Phoenix?"

The patronizing tone of his voice finally snaps Kara's control. She'd been trying to wait until they were closer to the main gathering room in hopes her strike would inspire some of the others to fight but she can't wait any longer. Not even knowing Luthor is more likely to be behind the recruitment orders can blunt Kara's anger, the same anger she's felt since the first time she heard Lord speak.

Her swing catches him by surprise, but he's still superbly trained and manages to duck away from most of the blow. His return swings are measured and powerful, and Kara dodges what she can and blocks the rest. She won’t know his fighting style well enough to spot a weakness until he’s swung at her a few more times.

As she parries another punch Kara debates going for a knife. She's still armed from her last mission and it's a lot harder to fight an armed opponent that knows how to wield a blade than it is to fight bare handed. But the time it would take to pull one from their hiding places would give Lord an opening she can't afford.

Shouts in the distance prove they've attracted attention but Kara ignores them. Either someone is going to shoot her in the back or the others will start fighting amongst themselves. No matter which they won't be her problem anymore.

"I knew you'd do this," Lord says as he tosses a few more punches. "Luthor put you up to it?"

Kara doesn't say a word, focusing on the fight and not his taunts. He's good, but she's better. No doubt he realizes the same and is trying to distract her until he can find an edge.

"I bet she did, didn't she? I blocked her request to bring in that sister of yours and she decided to take me out. Knew she'd pull something like this."

If it were only about Alex that might have worked. She doubts Lord knows she's in the file system but hearing he doesn't want her sister here might have cut through Kara's rage long enough for him to regain the upper hand.

But it's not. It's about having her past ripped from her. From being made to kill. It's about Cat and whatever pain is in her past, and all the other Cadmus agents who've had their memories erased and their loved ones killed. Lord is behind that just as much as Luthor and Kara is going to end it.

A feint and surprise kick knock Lord back a few paces, far enough for Kara to go for her gun. It'll serve her better than a knife if she has to fight her way out.

Just as she pulls the trigger a shape darts in front of Lord, taking the shot meant for him.

It's Cat, and time seems to slow as Kara takes in the blood on her chest, the look of shock on her face.

The break has given Lord enough time to recover, and when Kara sees the gun in his right hand and an explosive control in his left she gives up and runs. She's got to get to the door before whatever charge he's set goes off or she might never make it out.

There are a dozen others running with her, helping each other when one stumbles. Apparently she'd convinced a few to break off and join her even without being able to ask.

"Watch the door!"

Whoever's in front shouts as they notice the exit swinging shut, and the rest pick up speed in an all out sprint. If they can't make it outside they'll be stuck against a wall to face whatever strength Lord can muster to take them out.

One, two, three, they're all out into the sunlight and Kara takes the lead. She's driven each of these back roads often enough to know them by heart and know which will take them to civilization quickest. She doesn't trust any of the Cadmus vehicles now. They're at least GPS bugged and possibly wired for detonation.

Once they're a safe distance Kara calls for a stop, taking a quick tally of who's with her. No one she's worked with in depth before but she recognizes everyone and has memorized each of their files. She ignores the pang in her gut that none of them are Cat, silences the screaming in her head at the memory of the blood on Cat’s chest. There’s nothing she can do about it now and she’d known it was a possibility. They both made their choice fully knowing this might happen.

"Hunter, Blade, Listener, Silence, you have family that need relocated. Get them to safety then decide if you want to circle back to regroup with the rest of us and finish taking Cadmus down. I'll have addresses for Blade and Listener once we're in the clear. Cipher, Ace, Gunner, Archer, and Slate, I'm guessing you're all in for whatever's next. Strike, Chip and Override, what about you?"

The groups named had split as she listed out, each looking at each other then at her.

"We're all in," Ace says after a moment, stepping forward as if the spokesperson for the group. "We've all talked about making a move out of that place for years and you've finally given us a chance. If you can help get their families to safety then we'll all do whatever you need."

The unwavering support throws Kara for a moment, but she trusts what the woman says. Her file was one of the nastiest and Kara knows she'll do whatever it takes to bring Cadmus down. If she says the others are trustworthy, well then Kara will trust them.

To a point.

"Okay, then split off. Teams of three to get families to safety and then we meet up in National City. First team there find a safe location and drop a direction marker at the corner of Fifth and Central."

"What about you?" Strike asks, looking concerned even as they obey the orders. "You're going off with no backup?"

"I work better alone," Kara answers evenly, trying not to break down at the lie. She works better with one person in particular and she isn't here right now. So she'll have to make it the truth. "They'll be tracking me and I can move faster on my own, better chance of getting my family out alive."

The others nod, understanding either the words or the meaning behind them. They've all been where she is, worried about a family she never thought she'd see again and they respect what she's accomplished so far enough to let it end there.

That settled they start back into motion, heading for the nearest highway at a quick lope that will hopefully get them to a car they can hijack before the remaining Cadmus agents catch up.

They've got one shot at getting their families out, and Kara doesn't intend to let it go to waste.

***

If she’d had more time Kara would have come up with a better plan than showing up on Alex’s doorstep a year and a half after her own funeral. Something to ease the surprise and pain on her sister’s face when the door swings open. But she doesn’t have time and there’s no other way to get this done quickly enough.

“Kara-” Alex whispers after a long moment of just staring.

It’s long enough Kara’s started to get antsy about sniper angles and attack plans but she knows if a single minute is that crucial right now she’s already too late. She can’t give Alex much but she can give her this minute.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she says when Alex falls silent again, needing to hurry this along. “You gonna let me inside?”

“Of course, come in. Where the hell have you been? What happened to you?” Alex can’t stop looking at her, and Kara wonders how different she looks these days. Is it just the muscles, or does the last year and a half show on her face as well?

“Long story, short time,” Kara answers quickly, scanning the room for defensive positions should it come to that. “How fast can you pack?”

“Pack? Kara, what the hell’s going on?” The frustration and raw emotion in Alex’s voice shakes Kara from her observations and she turns to her sister, finally taking the time to study her.

She should know this woman. The shape of her face, the way she holds herself, all of it feels somehow familiar and yet there’s still nothing in Kara’s memories. Only the facts she memorized from a file. And yet she knows this is the place she’d once called home.

Now she just has to convince Alex to leave it behind with her and hope the actual memories come later.

“I was kidnapped and conditioned into an assassin,” Kara says eventually, getting right to the point. “They threatened to kill you and everyone I’ve ever known if I crossed them, which I now have, so we really need to go. And if you could call anyone else who needs to evacuate we can grab them on the way. My file was a little short on contact details for most of you and I haven’t had time to google anything.”

Alex looks shocked for a moment, then like she wants to argue. But something on Kara’s face convinces her it won’t work and instead she nods once. “I can have a bag packed in three minutes. You weren’t close with many people, just James and Winn. They’re in my phone if you want to call them while I pack. I assume we can also grab anyone I’m close to?”

The way she says the last bit tells Kara her sister has found someone in the time she’s gone, and beneath the laser focus on getting her family out of this alive Kara feels a flicker of anger that Cadmus robbed her of the chance to see the relationship develop.

“Of course. You can phone them on the way, it’ll take the people after me longer to track down your connections than it will the ones already in my file. How many people?” Kara hates that she’s fallen so easily into the manipulation techniques Cadmus drilled into her, but they’re second nature at this point. Ask a leading question she already knows the answer to in hopes it will draw out a longer explanation with the details she’s really after.

They don’t have time for more, but this she wants to know. Wants to take that flash of anger and desire for information and use it to track back to the memories causing the reaction. They have to be there, however buried. She just has to find a way to bring them back.

She ignores the jealousy beneath the anger, knowing it won’t help. She should be glad Alex managed to find and keep someone, not jealous and still hurting not knowing if the woman she cared too much about was even alive. There’s nothing she can do about it, no way to find out without walking back into Cadmus headquarters and surrendering. And who knows if that would be enough. They could easily kill her where she stood without telling her anything.

“If we’re in that much of a hurry, just one,” Alex says, already heading for the stairs. “Her name is Maggie, she’s a detective with the NCPD.”

Kara doesn’t like the sound of that, but she’ll trust Alex’s judgement. If Maggie is trustworthy it’ll be nice to have another trained fighter along for the ride in case Cadmus is closer than Kara thinks. If not, well. Unless she’s a former agent herself she won’t be a match for Kara’s skill.

If that’s the case Kara hopes she won’t make a move while Alex is around, because she’s hurt her sister enough already. Watching the two women she cares about fight and quite likely try to kill each other would be taking things too far.

Her conversations with James and Winn are quick, the simple fact she’s still alive enough to convince them something bigger is going on here. By the time Alex has packed she’s hanging up the phone and ready to head their way.

“You want to drive?” Alex offers as they head to her car, Kara keeping herself between her sister and any clear firing patterns. Hopefully the vehicle change will help throw off any pursuers, Kara knows the research on the people in her life is sparse, little more than names and dates their lives crossed paths with hers. Enough to track them down but not enough to do it easily. Not without additional time and research.

“Yeah, but I’ll need you to help watch for anything suspicious. I don’t know how close they are.” There’s no sign on the streets around them even to her trained eyes, but that has to be nothing more than a matter of time.

Alex nods, already accepting things are more serious than she’d realized. Some long buried part of Kara’s subconscious remembers she’s always been this way, always been ready to follow wherever Kara leads. She can’t track further than that but she knows it deep in her bones. They’d been inseparable, once upon a time.

It’s a small blessing nothing goes wrong while they pick up the others, but Kara can’t relax. The constant questions grate and distract her until finally she snaps, shocking her old friends into silence. She can’t handle the press of their chatter right now. Not when she’s trying so hard to compartmentalize her emotions and her actions.

God, what is she going to do with them once they reach the others? What precautions can 12 assassins take against an entire facility dedicated to taking them out?

Maybe they can create new identities for the family members dragged into this. Get them set up somewhere out of the way and use the computer skills they have to keep everyone off of Cadmus’ radar. Not perfect, but at least they’d be safe.

Kara feels a bit guilty for the sense of relief that comes after she parks to search for the directional markings left by the first group to arrive. With the caution they’ve taken getting here as well as the sheer transit time involved from Midvale to National City she knows the likelihood of their group being first is slim to none. But then if she’s wrong that might be even better. She’d had to pick one task to delegate to keep each group safe, but she doesn’t have to like it.

Still, she should be on alert and worried about what might happen when she leaves mostly untrained civilians alone for even a few moments. Kara’s still fully aware that if five minutes is that important she’s already too late, but that doesn’t excuse the fact her relief is overshadowing what would be perfectly reasonable concerns.

She just isn’t used to being around regular people anymore. People who ask questions, who push for answers. People who don’t know what it’s like to watch someone die in front of you. What it’s like to pull the trigger even if that person is the person you care most for and the pain those actions bring. They’re too innocent, and Kara can’t connect.

Maggie might understand, if Kara could bring herself to trust the detective. She’s obviously seen a lot while wearing a badge and if anyone in the group would get it, she would. If only they’d had more time for Kara to study her reactions to the few tidbits of information she had given the others. Not many people at Cadmus are trained to resist or fool interrogations and thanks to her own training Kara is a master at reading someone’s reactions.

She’ll have to keep her eye on the woman, if they can’t get the families to safety. The last thing she needs is an unwelcome surprise to come in the form of a knife in her back.

The careful scratches of a Cadmus directional marking shake Kara from her distraction and she memorizes them in a seemingly disinterested sweep of her eyes. She’ll have to decode them and apply the additional security ciphers agreed upon before the assassins split up, but at least she has a goal in place now.

Maybe she can finally take a moment to breathe.

Chapter Text

Kara nods to herself as they settle in. While nowhere near the Cadmus facility in terms of security the advance team did a good job of finding a place fit for long term stay. And the constant need for supplies and building defenses means she hasn’t had time to think. Time to dwell.

If only their family members had been more agreeable to Kara’s half planned disappearance scheme everything would be perfect. As it is they provide another distraction to go along with the concerns around protecting them, so Kara isn’t sure on balance whether she likes their stubbornness or not.

Not that it surprises her either way. The thought of letting Alex go off without her protection makes Kara’s gut clench unpleasantly and she’s well used to putting her own emotions aside. For the untrained civilians now numbering roughly half their group it must be nearly impossible to imagine.

“You seem tense,” Alex says as she walks up, moving with the slow caution all the family members have adopted.

Quick movement sends the Cadmus trained agents into battle ready stances, searching for any potential attacks. Even knowing there won’t be much warning if any should Cadmus find them can’t settle their nerves. Each and every one of them is operating on sentry reflexes, constantly ready for the next fight. It worries Kara, but she’s as vulnerable to it as they are. And she’s sure Cadmus knows it. If this impasse goes on too much longer she’ll need to find a solution so they aren’t exhausted and easy targets when the inevitable happens.

“Thinking,” is all Kara says, shrugging her shoulder slightly as she looks out over their rag tag group. She still hasn’t told Alex anything more than the basics of her life at Cadmus, nothing about Cat. She’s focused on what they’d learned and been taught, and how the skills helped them survive. It’s inspired a few of their family members so far, which Kara definitely approves of.

Winn is falling in well with Cipher and Override, the group showing off skills and new tricks in the corner with the computer equipment scavenged on a supply run as a few of the others watch in the background. The younger members of their group in particular seem to gravitate their way, looking enviously at the electronics they’re not allowed to use anymore.

James is sparring with Hunter and Slate in turns across the room, mostly having his ass handed to him but occasionally holding his own. He does better against Slate’s brother but neither of them are up to Cadmus training standards. Still, it’s displacement activity and if they learn a few useful skills before Cadmus finds them they could be useful in a fight. They could also be liabilities, but Kara won’t argue about two more trained fighters in with their families for protection, even if they’re only half trained at best.

Maggie is discussing defenses with Gunner and Archer, welcomed with a bit more warmth once the background checks from Cipher came back clean and free of any telltale Cadmus interference. Her police skills come in handy just as Kara anticipated, though they’re sticking to basic defenses until Kara’s had a chance to talk to her. Even if Maggie is somehow Cadmus trained and hiding behind impeccable forgeries there’s no way she can anticipate Kara’s ability. If she’s hiding something, Kara will find out soon enough. She just needs enough time away from Alex to ask the hard questions.

“You’re worried, aren’t you?” the woman in question asks, settling next to Kara without a word. “Whatever you guys escaped, it’s worse than you told us.”

Kara nods silently, not trusting her voice as memories of her early months at Cadmus flash through her mind. They haven’t explained anything, not really. How do you put something like that into words? Hell, Kara hasn’t even managed to admit her memories before Cadmus are completely gone, replaced by detailed notes that let her mostly fake it.

But to the families that lost them once before words aren’t needed. They can see the differences from the people each once was. From the little things to the major differences Kara’s willing to bet they bear little resemblance to the people they’d once been.

“We have a good setup here,” Alex offers, waving her hand towards the figures patrolling near the entrances. “And don’t think I didn’t notice the cache of weapons you guys brought back yesterday. I don’t even recognize half of that stuff but there’s gotta be enough there to hold off an attack.”

“It’s not an attack that worries me,” Kara says quietly. “Any head on attack will be a diversion at best. Cadmus doesn’t do head on. They prefer shadows and hidden blades and an attack that lands before you see it coming.”

“I see you managed to learn tactics during your Cadmus stay, if not loyalty,” an unwelcome if overly familiar voice sounds from behind them.

Kara whirls into motion instantly but she’s still too slow to fully counter Luthor’s movements. Before she has a weapon in hand and aimed Luthor already has a gun pointed at Alex. “Now Phoenix, let’s not be hasty, shall we? I just want to talk.”

Talking to Luthor is the last thing she wants to do but Kara won’t risk Alex’s safety. Not when this whole mass desertion thing was to protect her in the first place. Holding her hand up in a ‘hold back’ gesture to keep the others from attacking anyway, she reluctantly faces the Cadmus leader.

“What do you want, Luthor?” Kara asks, trying for a bare minimum of politeness to keep the woman from shooting. If the gun were pointed her way that’d be one thing, but as it stands she only has 50/50 odds of making it in front of Alex before a bullet lands.

Even if Kara goes down there are a dozen others in the room who wouldn’t hesitate to open fire, and their respect for Kara means they’d protect her family afterwards as well. Not an ideal outcome but one Kara can accept. Her old friends and family maybe not as easily but Kara trusts they’ll be fine. They’ve lost her once, there’s no reason to believe they couldn’t manage again. It might be harder this time knowing she’d come back once, but Kara knows better than most the difficulties you can overcome when you have to.

Luthor’s gun doesn’t waver despite the dozen weapons pointed her way, the calm smirk on her face steady as the gun in her hand. “Now, is that any way to greet a guest? Especially one here to offer help?”

The ex-Cadmus agents are too well trained and familiar with tense standoffs to scoff at the words, but the change in atmosphere is immediately noticeable. No one believes Luthor’s seemingly benign (despite the inherent threat of the gun) statement. They all know firsthand just what cruelties she’s capable of handing out on a whim. No one here wants or needs her idea of help.

“Why should we trust you?” Kara asks, stalling for time. She wishes her half trained mystery ability could help her out some, but Luthor’s first order of business during training was to build up her immunity to Kara’s suggestions. It was never perfect, but in a situation where Luthor is watching for it there’s no way she’d fall for it. “We left Cadmus, that doesn’t mean we intend to strike back. Surely you want to avoid a war as much as we do. We could call a truce, we don’t act against or speak out about Cadmus, you leave us to our lives.”

“Oh, a war is already at hand,” Luthor says, smirk deepening. “Lord isn’t going to let you get away with beating him, his pride won’t allow it. But I don’t want a war with you. I want a trade.”

Kara risks half a glance at Ace, her nominal second in command. This isn’t a decision or discussion she can have on her own, she needs the agreement from the others. But with the current standoff and the way Alex is most at risk, Kara is inclined to listen. If only because she isn’t certain how much longer her sister will remain quiet and avoid antagonizing Luthor. She’s been silent so far but Kara knows deep down with a certainty born of forgotten memories it won’t last.

Ace nods sharply, raising her weapon into a ready stance not pointed directly at Luthor. It’s the first step towards a reluctant truce and the others slowly follow her lead.

“Alright, Luthor. You want a trade? Let’s talk.”

***

It takes only a few minutes to reach an initial agreement, despite Alex’s predictable objections. They need a secure space to talk that falls somewhere between secure and neutral. Their hideout is too close to secure even with Luthor’s breach, and nowhere near neutral ground. There are traps and surprises and ways for Kara’s group to launch an attack with next to no warning no matter how on guard Luthor remains.

Not the most conducive to an open discussion. But even if Kara doesn’t trust Luthor to deal honestly she’s smart enough to know they won’t win anything by striking too soon. Better to deal as equals than react as prey. So rather than a dingy warehouse or somewhere private and abandoned they meet up in a quaint little cafe about a mile from the hideout. More public than Kara likes but secluded and out of clear sightlines for potential snipers. And the public chatter from the surrounding tables makes it less likely Cadmus will strike.

Luthor starts the discussion, sipping a coffee like she’s any other upper middle class businesswoman making a deal. Not the leader of a feared assassin ring plotting literal life and death.

“You don’t have the numbers to take on what Lord can throw at you,” she says pleasantly, though her eyes give her away. Cold and calculating, she’s watching every reaction from the small group Kara agreed to bring.

It’s just her, Ace, and Alex today. Small enough to go unnoticed but with enough training to hold their own. Alex is a weak link compared to the two highly trained Cadmus agents, but she’s dedicated and not wholly unprepared.

She’s fast and strong, with more than just a basic knowledge of self defense. When Kara had been kidnapped and presumed dead she’d taken months of classes and training, and dating a police detective came with complimentary marksmanship training on the weekends. She’s not to Cadmus standards but between the training she does have and the way her scientist mind is built for calculating strategy she’s not a liability the way Winn would be. Kara just has to hope she doesn’t let emotions get in the way if Luthor starts discussing any of the darker moments from Cadmus.

“You say that, but with 13 fully trained agents we have roughly a fourth of the Cadmus forces and a fully defensible position,” Kara points out, watching Luthor just as closely as she’s being watched herself. They may be using words but this is every bit the fight she’d had with Lord no matter how little blood is drawn. “And that doesn’t take into account any injuries caused during our exit.”

Ace tenses slightly next to her, and Kara wants to wince. She’d been offering a calculated weakness for Luthor to attack, but she hadn’t briefed Ace beforehand. One weakness is a trap, two is a vulnerability.

Luthor spots the reactions, exactly as Kara feared. She can tell the second the woman’s eyes light up with unholy glee. But she stows the weapon handed to her, leaving Kara scrambling to think ahead to where it might come into play. She does want news of Cat’s condition, whether the shot was serious or more an inconvenience, but not at the cost of the team’s safety.

She has family again, family and people she could almost call friends if not for the instinctive distrust built into them all from the ground up. People who depend on her for safety and to find some way out of this mess.

“You have a quarter, I have a few loyal agents, but Lord isn’t a fool. He has no patience for the long game and trusts his money far too much. If he can’t find a way in he’ll bomb you out and deal with the consequences after.”

This time it’s Alex that shifts, but Kara’d expected that. There are no real weak points Alex can expose that could damage their position unless she loses her cool and throws a punch, a fact Kara was sure to drill into her head. Still, a shift is a sign she might be losing her composure, so they need to cut this short.

“I take it you have a suggestion?” Kara asks mildly, hoping Alex will follow her lead.

“We team up.”

Roughly what she’d expected, it still takes all of Kara’s training to keep from spitting in Luthor’s face at the offer. As it is she can’t stop Alex from outright scoffing, though if her sister knew more about the training methods Luthor employed Kara has no doubt the reaction would be far different. Even Ace isn’t immune, disbelief clear on her face for the split second it takes to get the reaction under control.

“What makes you think a few extra bodies will be enough?” Kara asks after a moment, when she’s certain her voice won’t give her feelings away. Luthor definitely knows what she thinks of the offer but Kara isn’t about to hand over any more ammunition.

“If all we intended was to cower in some old warehouse waiting for Lord to strike, my forces wouldn’t make a difference,” Luthor concedes with a tilt of her head. “But my numbers bring us close to even, negating his advantage if we bring the fight to him. And I have access you don’t, access you can’t hope to recreate before he strikes first.”

It makes sense, Kara’s enough of a tactician to see that much. They can’t mount a head on attack any more than Lord can, but if they do what they do best, what they’re trained to do, Lord’s slight advantage in numbers means nothing. Kara’s group contains the best hackers Cadmus has to offer, and she’s one of the best assassins they’ve ever trained, easily worth two standard agents in a fair fight.

Plus, they have a stronger motivation than Lord can offer. He might threaten families, but there’s no way he can spare manpower to make good on those threats in the middle of a full campaign against Luthor’s crew. Meanwhile Kara’s group already has their families free and within reach, meaning they fight to directly protect their loved ones rather than in fear of some eventual threat.

The only concern would be whether Luthor intends to use the families as a bargaining chip. Kara knows all too well how ruthless the woman can be, and knows she wouldn’t hesitate if it meant the difference between success and failure. She can’t subject her own family to that, won’t ask the others to do the same either.

All the same, Lord is a real threat. Kara knows that well enough to see the merit in Luthor’s offer. The man could not accept defeat and would not rest until he took them down no matter the cost. They can’t ignore that fact any more than they can blindly trust Luthor to look out for their best interests.

“We won’t run this like a Cadmus operation,” Kara says after a quick glance at Ace for confirmation. “I can’t make decisions for the others but I know that much. If we do this, it has to be on our terms. Not yours.”

“So long as I make it through alive,” Luthor says, leaning back in her chair with a satisfied smirk. “I can rebuild without you given enough time. Though you could always take Lord’s place at my side, you know. Lead, not fight. No sense wasting your potential now is there.”

“Over my dead body,” Alex snarls, her restraint finally broken. Kara counts it a victory her fists don’t fly as quickly as her words, but the damage is done all the same.

Now that Luthor’s gotten an emotional reaction she knows exactly where to hit and make it hurt. Kara might not give her the satisfaction but Luthor’s smart. Whatever makes Alex hurt will hurt Kara as well.

“You know, I did bring along someone who could arrange that,” Luthor offers, not bothered in the least by the way Kara is physically holding Alex in her seat. “But then again that would make for a terrible reunion.”

For the briefest of moments Kara feels hope flare up. There’s only one reunion left she wants, and that’s with Cat, healed and whole.  Was she wrong? Had Cat sided not with Lord specifically but with Cadmus as a whole and Luthor after the split?

From the way Luthor’s smirk deepens Kara knows she’s tipped her hand once more. “Don’t threaten my sister if you want this deal,” she tries to cover, knowing she’s convinced no one at the table. Even Alex can read her better than that.

“Perhaps you should teach her some control,” Luthor responds, satisfaction clear in her posture. Whether she’s still looking for weak points for attack or just because it’s what she does Kara doesn’t know. Either way she’ll have to prep Alex and the other civilians extensively if they take this agreement. “But we’ve gotten sidetracked now, haven’t we? I believe we were discussing a reunion.”

At her slight gesture Kara tenses into a ready position, Ace doing the same as they sweep the room for exits and firing lanes. They’ll have to take cover, but finding cover is Alex’s job. They’d warned her going in what to look for and Kara is glad to see she’d picked up on the subtle byplay easily enough. The sweeps of her eyes across the room are more obvious than Kara’s, but they’ll do. Fewer skills is more than a fair tradeoff for avoiding the pain Kara’d gone through for hers.

But instead of an attack two familiar forms walk through the doorway, hands carefully away from their sides in a way that looks casual but speaks volumes to Kara. They’re undoubtedly armed, but the twins are making no move towards their stowed weapons while allowing Kara and Ace plenty of time to size them up.

“I believe you know Lightfoot and Quickstep?” Luthor asks as they approach the table. “I hope you don’t mind, I thought they’d benefit from being present for this portion of the discussion.”

“What are you playing at?” Kara asks bluntly as the twins sit across from her, one on each side of Luthor. They clearly won’t get anywhere playing at polite interest and Kara’s done with giving Luthor the upper hand by trying. “Of course we know them, but I don’t think I’ve spoken fifty words to either of them.”

“Of course you haven’t, we kept you apart,” Luthor says dismissively. “You’re far too perceptive for your own good and we couldn’t risk you noticing anything out of place.”

Kara has no idea what Luthor is talking about, and a quick glance around the table proves she isn’t alone. Whatever Luthor has planned she hadn’t told the twins. Which leaves Kara nothing but the clues at hand.

Studying the two women more closely than she’d bothered before, Kara realizes they’re older than she’d thought, closer to their middle or late thirties than the twenties of most Cadmus assassins. Only Cat was close to their age, along with Luthor and Lord. Were they the original Cadmus team?  And if so, what does that have to do with her?

“Oh my god.” Alex’s words are barely a breath, but it’s enough to get the attention of the entire table. “You didn’t. Oh my god.”

“It’s a shame Lord blocked your recruitment, you would have made a wonderful asset,” Luthor says smugly, eyes flicking between the sisters with a fiendish glee burning in her eyes once more. “Still, that led to our current situation and an opportunity to rid myself of his infuriating presence, so I suppose things have worked out well enough.”

“You’re a fucking monster,” Alex says, barely managing to keep her voice down to avoid attracting attention. “What the hell are you playing at with this, huh? Trying to undermine our confidence or stack the deck in your favor? How weak is your position that you need cheap tricks just to feel superior and in charge?”

As much as Kara wants to let Alex continue she can tell things are getting too tense and any moment now Alex will start swinging. She also knows Luthor wouldn’t call in two others unless there were more still waiting on watch, which means they’re outnumbered if something does start up.

“Start talking, Luthor, or we walk.” It isn’t a bluff, and they all know it. So far Luthor hasn’t brought anything concrete to the table beyond a few extra trained bodies, implied reconnaissance, and access to Cadmus systems. Important, but hardly worth this much trouble.

Not even the vague hope Luthor will have information about Cat is worth the stress Luthor is causing them right now.

“Now, Phoenix. We were having such a nice talk.”

Kara doesn’t know what Luthor’s game is, but she’s getting real tired of the deflections and hidden moves. For someone here to request an alliance she’s not showing much willingness to work with Kara’s team. Maybe she hopes to keep them off balance enough to take over as de facto leader.

“Look at their faces, Kara.”

That’s all Alex has to say before it clicks, the similarities between the twins and her own face finally settling into focus. Easy enough to miss without careful study, hidden by age differences and the world weary stares on identical faces, but there all the same. The same features, the same bone structure, the same piercing eyes that have seen too much. Not just on two faces, but three.

“You told me she died,” Lightfoot says, making the connection the same moment Kara does. “You told me it was too early for her to survive.”

“Well of course I did,” Luthor says, not bothered by the looks of anger and hatred on the faces around her. “What kind of agent spends their days looking after a child? I found a nice family willing to take her in, then kept a distant eye on her progress. Once she was old enough, well, you all know that story.”

For all the anger currently swirling in Kara’s gut she has to admit Luthor is a master at controlling a situation and getting people to react the way she wants. Which means she has at least five contingency plans in place if one of them snaps and swings at her.

“Where’s your agent?” Kara asks, pushing aside her emotions the way she’s all too familiar with in order to question Luthor. “Everything on the table now, no more secrets. No more surprises. You want us to work with you, then you better stop with this manipulative crap and deal straight. And once this is over, we go our separate ways.”

“Well spotted,” Luthor says, nodding her head slightly towards a nondescript man across the room. He’s not from Cadmus, but they aren’t the only hired muscle around, and even if he isn’t as skilled that doesn’t matter so much when it comes to bullets flying around. “And very well, though you can’t blame me for trying. No more secrets.”

No one at the table believes that for a second, but there’s nothing else to do but move on. “Let’s talk logistics, then, and we can go from there,” Kara says, leaning forward to hear the rundown on troop strengths and target opportunities. They’ll take the information (with a grain of salt) back to the others and come to a decision from there.

Whether they abandon their location and stay on the run while Luthor and Lord duke it out or meet the dangers head on, Kara refuses to make the decision for anyone else. They fought and ran at her side to escape Cadmus, like hell will she send them back to the same situation. Even if they fight, they’ll at least have a voice.

***

“You’re going to go through with it, aren’t you?” Alex asks once they’re back at the stronghold and the tech guys scanned for any listening devices. “After all that woman and her organization put you through, you’re going back.”

“No,” Kara disagrees, though she doesn’t know whether that’s exactly true. “If I fight Lord, that doesn’t mean I’m going back. It means I’m making sure they can’t ever take me back again. And they can’t take you to begin with.”

Alex looks about as convinced as Kara feels and Kara knows she’s fallen quite a bit short on sounding confident. “It’s just me, Kara. You can lie to yourself, but please don’t lie to me. You used to tell me everything.”

God, how does Kara explain she remembers nothing about those times? They’ve glossed over it a few times as they settled in, but she hasn’t sat down with Alex to explain exactly what Cadmus did to her. It’s too hard to find the words. All she has are emotions she trusts but doesn’t understand buried in her mind, and she’s had too much practice shutting them out to give them free reign.

“Look, is this about the woman Luthor mentioned at the end? The one who was hurt in the escape?” Alex asks, once again proving far too observant for secrets to last around her. “Because I know it sounds bad, but if she was still alive when Luthor bailed out then there’s a good chance she pulled through. And if she did then we can get her out. You got out.”

“I got out because I shot her,” Kara admits, voice flat and emotionless. “I tried to shoot Lord and she jumped in front of my bullet the same way I would have jumped in front of Luthor’s for you. So even if she’s still alive there’s no reason to believe she’d make a different decision now.”

Alex doesn’t say a word, face slack with shock as she takes in what Kara’s said. For all their families have seen over the past week, it hasn’t sunk in for them. They haven’t realized just how much blood stains the hands of the people they love. How much they’ve done and would have done to keep Cadmus from striking out.

“I don’t remember you,” Kara says eventually, figuring they might as well cover all the painful topics in one go. “Cadmus, they wiped my memories from before they took me. I barely remembered my own name and even that had to be a secret or they would’ve wiped me again. The only reason I knew who you were is because I hacked my file and memorized it.”

Alex doesn’t look as surprised as Kara expected she would, just saddened. “I thought they might’ve done something like that,” she says eventually, leaning slowly into Kara’s side. “It’s the kind of fucked up thing they’d pull, and it was the only way to explain some of your reactions. Do you have any idea how they did it?”

“Luthor had a whole science wing,” Kara says, shaking her head and trying to relax into Alex’s warmth. It’s hard when she remembers the last time she was comfortable, but this is her sister and she won’t let Cadmus take simple physical comfort from her. “I have no idea what she’s developed over there, even with spending a few weeks as her guinea pig.”

At Alex’s curious look Kara shakes her head, not willing to add that conversation to the pile tonight. Two emotional topics is more than enough.

They sit in silence for several long minutes, watching the others discuss options and ideas. Kara made it very clear everyone would make their own choice, there would be no ‘majority rules’ decision for them. Anyone who wanted to make a run for it could leave at any time, and Kara at least would help cover their tracks.

“You know, just because you don’t remember,” Alex says quietly, “doesn’t mean we can’t get it back. And even if we can’t that doesn’t mean we can’t build something new instead. Like you and your mother. You both lost years, but now you have a chance to make things right.”

Kara doesn’t know what to think about Alex’s optimism, but it does give her something else to think about before she makes her final decision. She’d been too overwhelmed earlier to fully process that Lightfoot was her mother and Quickstep her aunt, but she can’t avoid it forever. And Alex is right, she doesn’t want to lose that chance.

“Will you stay with me, no matter what?” Kara asks, not sure which way she’ll jump but knowing she can’t take the leap withoutå Alex at her side. If Lord is after them, she’s not willing to risk Alex going off unprotected whether they fight or flee. Not even with Maggie to look after her.

“Danvers sisters all the way,” Alex agrees instantly. “They won’t know what hit them.”

Chapter Text

The atmosphere around the safehouse is so tense Kara's almost tempted to suggest they use it as target practice, overused as the joke might be. They need some kind of relief from the overwhelming distrust in the air, not that anyone expected it to dissipate any time soon. There was too much history being dredged up for that.

Luthor's group doesn't settle in quickly. They still act as though this is another Cadmus location, as though Luthor runs it with an iron grip. They don't trust the escaped agents, and Kara wonders what Luthor still has on them to hold their loyalty. Her group proves it's possible to keep families safe, so what hold could she have?

The only thing Kara can think is that somehow Luthor has other contacts already waiting near their families, ready to strike if there's another defection. They wouldn't even need to be Cadmus agents to be effective, her use of an average mercenary at the meetup proves that much. This may be a Cadmus fight, but that doesn't mean Luthor is above hiring support troops for the dirty work.

Maybe she should have Cipher and Winn look into that while Override runs interference. With Luthor's access, they've been able to track down the agents still following Lord but there are more systems behind firewalls and password locks. With a proper distraction and cover, they can probably pass things off as his faction trying to break through rather than Kara searching for a weakness.

Luthor might not trust her, but Kara's familiar with playing the long game. Only her worry for Alex's safety tipped her hand early last time, but now they're all in danger and removing Luthor safely is the only possible end game. And if that means playing along for now, well then that's what Kara has to do. She can make Alex and the others understand, she'll just have to watch and make sure the message spreads to her people without any of Luthor's hearing.

Right now she has the computer team tracking down every known Cadmus agent past and present. They've 'retired' a few over the years due to injury or need for eyes and ears in sensitive government bodies and Kara knows even out of practice they'd be formidable opponents if Lord calls them back in. She'd shot down a plan from Luthor to do the same, unwilling to add chess pieces to the board. Particularly chess pieces which might have even greater reason to be resentful thanks to their years of freedom, relative or otherwise.

As for the others, they've been running surveillance and supply missions for the past week while Luthor and Kara debate on the best way to move forward. Luthor wants several simultaneous attacks on Lord's people, acting quickly to take them down permanently. It's a sound tactic, but Kara can't stomach the thought. Not to mention the possibility of direct retaliation if Lord tracks them down.

Her own plan is more subtle, focusing on removing Lord's hold over the agents who remain. If she can prove their families are safe and give them a way out they could win new bodies without needing to kill anyone else. It won't last forever with the way lines are being drawn, but if Kara can save anyone then she wants to try. She hasn't read the file for every Cadmus assassin, but of the ones she has, there's been no mention of anyone asking for this life. Only being broken to it.

Kara has her suspicions about why Luthor disagrees with her ideas. She already knows the woman intends to rebuild Cadmus after they take Lord down. If they free Lord's agents rather than kill them there's every possibility one or more will eventually seek revenge. And while Kara feels they'd be entirely justified she has her suspicions Luthor feels differently. Better dead and no one's asset than a potential future complication. She'd probably rather flip them than kill them and might very well be running something along those lines in the background, but she knows Kara won't agree to it. Not after she'd been very clear to her group than anyone who wants out can leave at any time.

"She knows you don't trust her," Lightfoot says from behind her, sending Kara tensing.

She still has no memories of the family who raised her, and yet now she has a mother she never knew existed. A mother and an aunt who've been killing for twenty years at least. She knows nothing about them, not why they started killing or who they'd been before. And with Luthor running interference she hasn't had a chance to ask.

"She wouldn't trust me if I pretended I did," Kara points out evenly, not sure how she's supposed to react now that she finally has a moment alone with the woman who gave birth to her. She's not even sure what she's supposed to be feeling right now. "She might even believe I'm trying to trick her and assume I intend a double cross. I'd rather make it clear I don't trust her but am willing to work with her than wake up to a knife at my throat."

Lightfoot winces at the image, stepping closer so they can speak quietly. "You are right not to trust her. I don't know her exact plans, but I believe she intends to recapture each of the agents you freed once Lord is dealt with. She seems incredibly certain of the outcome and I believe she intends to dose your entire group with the memory drugs to rebuild Cadmus. Your sister, the one you saved, she was a scientist, yes? If she can develop an antidote it could be the only way for you to escape."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kara asks, brain whirling through potential traps and tricks as well as preparations should the information be sound. "You're on her side."

"I chose my side long ago," Lightfoot agrees, looking sad. "I helped her build Cadmus long before Lord was in the picture, and at the time I thanked her for rescuing me. Even knowing she lied, I've spent too many years at her side to leave now. But you're my daughter, and you didn't choose this. I won't let her take that choice from you."

Kara laughs; a short, joyless sound. "How do you look at me and see a daughter? I can barely wrap my head around the fact we're related and you're already turning against someone you've sided with for twenty years. Hell, I don't even know your name. I don't know if you named me or the family I don't remember did."

"I don't-" Lightfoot starts, looking troubled, "I don't know how to answer your questions. Names are easy, for all Cadmus made them difficult. I'm Alura, she's Astra. We named you Kara, not Linda or Phoenix. But the question of my loyalties, that I can't answer as easily. Luthor saved my life. She gave you a childhood, whether you remember it or not. I owe her for that, will always owe her. But she also let me believe you were dead for 20 years. I loved you as a dead child only to find you again as an adult I don't recognize. I can't forgive that and I don't know how to balance the two."

Kara's still stuck on knowing her mother's name, knowing where her own name came from. Somehow it hits harder than she'd thought and only long practice at burying her visible emotions keeps her from reacting. She can't trust this woman yet, no matter how every instinct she has is screaming there are no lies in her words. Not in her words, and not in her emotions.

"Hey Phoenix, we got a hit on that file you wanted us to check," Override interrupts, looking uncomfortable. It's pretty apparent the conversation is at very least tense and not one to disturb, which means he can only be referring to Cat's file.

"What've you got?" she asks quickly, not bothered that Alura will see her priorities. She'd given her emotions away clearly enough at that first meeting and there's no sense hiding them now. Let them see what they already know and maybe no one will pick up on what she needs to hide. Not even her mother and her conflicted loyalties.

"Not much, I think they're worried about our hacking skills. New files have gotten a lot more sparse lately. All that's mentioned is Scrivener made it through surgery, no mention of long term recovery expectations."

It's not exactly good news, but it's not bad news either. Cat survived the surgery. Cat is Lord's best asset and keeping her alive has to be a priority. Cat is strong and fit, important factors to recovery. All of these are good things Kara has to keep in mind.

But none of them help much when she has no real way of tracking that recovery to know what's going on.

The only bright spot is knowing the injury wasn't severe enough to permanently incapacitate Cat. Best assassin or no, Lord isn't sentimental enough to waste resources on an agent who will be a burden more than an asset. That doesn't mean she'll survive, but it means there's hope.

"Any luck pulling the full background files for the remaining agents?" Kara asks, moving on before the strange rush of emotions in her gut can grow overwhelming. Better to keep her momentum until she has a quiet moment to process. Preferably with Alex there to help. She may not remember her sister, but something in her knows she can always be counted on.

"Not much, Lord locked everything down so tight even Luthor's access isn't helping much. We've got basic info we're running against our compiled data but more than that will take time." Override sounds frustrated, and Kara knows the feeling. They're the best hackers Cadmus has and yet Lord has them locked out like naughty children from a cookie jar.

"Keep trying," Kara orders, turning her attention back to Alura as he leaves. At least the interruption has helped set aside one set of confusing emotions long enough to regain some control. "Luthor and I have an agreement," she starts, weighing each word carefully. "I have no intention of breaking it unless she does first. But I will not let her drag me or anyone who followed me into this back to Cadmus. If that means another fight then I'll face her as well."

Alura nods, looking troubled. "She won't be easy to convince, but I will try. She owes me for 20 years of pain on your behalf, I'll do what I can to make her listen."

"Thank you," Kara says honestly, feeling one level of stress fall from her shoulders. It isn't much, but it's a start.

The conversation winds down quickly after that, Alura taking her leave as Alex enters the room. Kara's selfishly a little glad they haven't spent much time in the same place, she has enough trouble dealing with them one at a time let alone together. There are too many expectations between them. Somehow the weight of what isn't there is more than the burden of not remembering or experiencing in the first place.

"Hey, she finally talked to you?"

"Kind of?" Kara says, turning back to her screens and feeling guilty for wishing she had a moment to process what just happened. "She's on Luthor's side, but apparently she wishes we were all on the same side too? It's complicated."

It would be a lot less complicated if she summarized, but Kara can't help holding her mother's words secret for a little longer. Maybe if she keeps them close to the vest she can find a spark of whatever familial emotion she's supposed to feel for the woman. At least with Alex she knows there's history and her body remembers the shape of her feelings if not the emotions themselves.

"Families usually are, I guess. And that's without adding secret societies and assassination plots to the mix." Alex sounds frustrated, but Kara can't blame her. They're all frustrated by this. "Did she talk about anything personal? Or just about how Luthor has a plan for all of us so we should get in line and let her lead?"

"She wasn't like that," Kara bristles instinctively. "She said she owed Luthor her life and she'd made her choice a long time ago. And you don't, you don't know what it's like at Cadmus, Alex. I never want you to know. But it changes you, and fighting back isn't as easy as you'd think. Sometimes the best path seems like the one that hurts least. I can't judge her for that."

Kara can't trust her for it either, but her doubts and struggles are her own. She won't share them even with someone she desperately wants to trust. The more people who know your weakness the more likely someone will use it against you. It's bad enough everyone knows or guesses how she feels about Cat before she's had a chance to work through her own emotions on the matter. Now she has to hold her thoughts and reactions high, using them as a shield for the things she hasn't given away yet.

Alex nods, moving forward slowly. "I get that, Kara. I do. And I'm sorry I said that. This is a tough situation and the stress is getting to us. And I can't do anything to help so it's even harder to sit around and wait."

"I- there is a way for you to help," Kara says, focusing on that rather than the apology. "Cadmus memory wipes use a drug of some kind, and Alura thinks it sticks around in our systems. Otherwise, the memories would come back."

"And you want an antidote. Because if Luthor gets her way she'll probably dose us all and drag everyone back to Cadmus to rebuild."

"Pretty much," Kara says, rubbing her head with a sigh. One of these days she'll have a simple problem to solve instead of this multi-layered mess of deception and literal backstabbing. One day.

"I'll need blood from everyone you can manage. Memory wiped and not, and some controls from family members if possible. If you can get, what did you call her, Alura? If you can get a blood sample from her that'd probably help more than anything. If I have two samples of Cadmus exposed blood with familial similarities I can eliminate a lot of whatever fuckery they've pulled for now."

Kara might not remember her sister, but she can respect the immediate focus at the thought of a new task. Alex is every bit as determined as any Cadmus agent, and might well be the one thing that saves them in the end.

"I'll get you the samples as soon as I can get someone to raid a med supply shop," Kara promises. "Talk to Winn and Cipher, see what they can do for you as far as a lab. Preferably somewhere Luthor's people won't notice it. If they do, we can claim it's a defense against any poisons Lord might throw at us, but the less they have to question the better."

"I can do that," Alex promises, looking better now that she has a specific task. Kara'd noticed her seeming a bit adrift the past few days, moving from helping the tech guys to organizing supplies to sparring with the others.

Maybe she'll be willing to keep up that last one, Kara thinks as she starts planning again. Even half trained is better than nothing and Kara knows the teachers have prioritized knowing how to fight together from the beginning. Half-trained and unsure of their place is dangerous, half-trained and able to work together is a source of strength Lord won't have.

"Before that though, are you okay?" Alex asks, breaking through Kara's distracted musings.

"I'm fine," Kara says quickly. Too quickly, she realizes as she sees the look on Alex's face. This is the one person she can trust completely. Kara knows that, or she wouldn't let her mind wander in the first place. "I don't know how to react to all of this," she admits after a moment, sitting down against the back wall where she'll see anyone approaching.

"It's a lot," Alex agrees as she sits next to her. "You got kidnapped, indoctrinated, broke free, got tracked down, found a mother and aunt, struck a bargain with your kidnapper, and now you're trying to get everyone out alive again. Actually, a lot might be an understatement here."

"And they got Cat's file."

"Oh, Kara," Alex says, quiet as a breath. She knows, perhaps better than anyone, how deep the worry goes. How deep the guilt runs. "Did she..."

Kara shakes her head, grateful for that much at least. "She came through surgery. That's all the file said. No prognosis or complications. No detailing of injuries or surgical methods. Just that she survived."

"Isn't that a good thing? Now you know she lived, isn't that a weight off?"

"But what if it's misdirection? Or she made it through surgery but dies in the night?"

Kara can see it now, and she hates the memory training that makes the vision feel so real. It's not, but she's seen enough death and blood to paint a picture anyway. Cat, lying in a bed surrounded by machines she recognizes from the time her target was in ICU and she had to make it look like an accident. Cat, flatlining the way the man had as the poison hit his heart. Cat, her eyes open and unseeing.

Not real, but with everything Kara's seen and done, it could be all too easily. Who is she to deserve leniency from the universe? Her hands are stained with the blood of too many, and Cat's were no better. Do their circumstances count for anything? Do the kills count less if they're ordered by another, or is there no gray area, only right and wrong.

"Hey, breathe with me Kara," she hears eventually as the room around her fades back into focus. The words are familiar and nearly send her back into the attack for a moment before she can claw free. Cat said the same thing to her once, helped her the same way. "You're safe, okay? No one's around to see you, it's just you and me here."

It's long minutes before Kara can settle herself, and she's grateful the breakdown came after her conversations with Alura and Override. Her people know better than to interrupt. And Alura is the only one of Luthor's group that would dare while tensions are so strained. Unless something goes to shit, they won't be bothered. She can sit and let Alex hold her, let Alex soothe the fears rushing through her mind, for as long as she needs.

When the thought registers Kara freezes for a moment, hoping she hasn't tempted the universe to add more to the mess that is her life. They have defenses in place should Lord abandon strategy and choose a head-on attack over the subtle game of chess they've been playing so far. But Kara isn't confident enough in their force's cohesion in the face of a fight like that. Too many things could fall apart in an instant.

Thankfully the moment passes without warning shouts marring the quiet, and Kara begins to relax once more. "I need a distraction, Alex. I need something physical to work on. Something I can do that's more than just sitting here waiting for plots to play out or Luthor to stab me in the back."

"Well, a mission is probably out," Alex offers. "You're the primary controlling force for the Cadmus escapees. If you're gone and out of contact there's only about a ten percent chance Luthor won't stage a coup."

Kara nods as her mind races through those possibilities, wholeheartedly agreeing with her sister.

"So that leaves something here, something I can do without it taking all my focus. And preferably something I can do that leaves me open enough Luthor's people can talk to me."

She doesn't mention the faint hope that Alura and Astra will continue to seek her out, possibly explaining more of whatever circumstances led to them joining Cadmus. But she thinks Alex knows even without her saying anything. As much as Kara's forgotten and as much as she's changed, Alex can still read her better than anyone currently in the safehouse.

"What about training?" Alex asks after thinking for a moment. "You could work with Maggie and James, plus anyone else who's interested."

It's definitely a good thought, though Kara isn't sure how well she'll do as a teacher. Her only experience with learning to fight is Cadmus training, and there's no way she'd subject her family to anything like that.

On the other hand, it puts her at the center of their facility and able to keep an eye on anything going on. It would keep her approachable, build skills and teamwork, and be a very physical distraction from her worries. There are worse ideas out there.

"Okay, but you have to show up at least once a day."

Alex blinks slightly at the ultimatum, but Kara is determined. She has a solid introductory ability in self-defense but that won't help in the fights they're likely to face. Alex is far more likely than James or the others to throw herself into the middle of a battle without question. And if she does that, Kara fully intends to be sure she can get out safely.

"You can't sit in a lab all day without making Luthor and her team suspicious," Kara explains. "If they catch on to what you're doing we lose any chance of it working. Even if Luthor doesn't immediately overreact and dose us all, it'll blow her trust. There isn't much of that going around right now, but if we lose that we upset the balance and risk the whole thing falling apart."

"And we can't afford to fight Luthor and Lord both."

Alex spots the reasonings as quickly as Kara can point them out, and doesn't bother arguing. Everyone in the safe house knows how tenuous the truce is. Only the looming threat of Lord's attacks keep the situation from devolving into an open firefight.

"I also like the thought of knowing you can protect yourself," Kara admits. "There's a lot I don't remember, and a lot I need to work on with what I do know, but one thing I'm sure of is I don't want to see you hurt. If I can teach you how to defend yourself we can keep that from happening."

"Nothing's gonna happen to me. We're going to find an antidote for the memory drugs, defeat Lord and his people all while saving Cat too, and then deal with Luthor and your mother so we can get on with our lives. Okay?" Alex sounds utterly certain, and Kara wants desperately to believe her.

Deciding she can afford to have a little faith despite the little voice in her head saying it's foolish, Kara nods silently, leaning into Alex's hold. They should get back out with the others soon, but for now, she can take a minute and let herself believe everything will be fine. They'll get Cat back, and everything will work out in the end.

Chapter Text

Teaching helps.

Kara hadn't been sure it would, but it does. Especially with multiple skill levels present in the facility. She can start her day with the children and weaker adults, focusing on how to dodge and avoid a fight going on. Not exactly what the parents wanted for their children, but essential in the current situation.

Then she works with the adults who are physically fit but have no defense training. In case of an attack, they'll be in with the children, a last line of defense against whatever Lord throws their way. Kara knows Luthor would rather use them as cannon fodder to slow down attackers, but she hasn't pushed. For now, they're still Kara's responsibility.

In the afternoons she works with the people like James and Maggie, and now Alex as well. The ones who can hold their own in typical situations. Nothing about the current situation is typical, but these are the ones most likely to do some damage if given a chance.

They're also the only 'class' she gives weapon's training to, sticking with hand to hand for the rest. If there's time and the middle group learns enough, she'll teach them to fight with makeshift shields, but right now it's outside their capabilities.

Better to be realistic than push for more and miss the basics.

"They're coming along," Alex says one morning as Kara is working with the children.

It's a week after Kara's breakdown, and five days since one of the teams brought back the medical supplies needed to set up a discreet lab. Since then, Alex has spent every minute she can spare going over everyone's blood samples. The last Kara knew she'd been getting close to pinpointing what Luthor used, and the next step would be developing an antidote.

"It helps they're young enough to treat it like a game. Some of the older ones know better, but it's hard to remember that when things get going."

It still doesn't sit right with Kara, watching these children learn the same basic defense skills she'd developed as a response to her early torture. It's just a game to them, but she can remember every moment she struggled and failed to learn each task. And she remembers each and every time she used those skills to take down a target.

The skills they're learning are essential should the worst happen, and aren't dangerous in and of themselves. But Kara can't help imagining these children ending up in the same situation she'd been in. Lost and alone, with no memory of who she was, expected only to learn and kill.

They're fighting to make sure that never happens, but it's all too easy for Kara's imagination. Especially when she's working with a woman who wouldn't hesitate.

Hell, she'd probably thank Kara for getting the early training out of her way.

"Hopefully it stays a game," Alex agrees, likely on the same page as Kara. She understands more than the others, having sat with Kara through several rants and explanations of her early life at Cadmus.

Kara hadn't wanted to subject her to that, but Alex insisted it was necessary. Knowing how she reacted after the drugs were administered could help her hone in on what chemicals Luthor used based on any side effects.

There's more to it than that; Kara's too well trained to miss something like that. She knows Alex feels guilty for believing she'd died, and she knows hearing about what Cadmus did to her is some form of penance Alex believes she deserves. 

Much as Kara wants to argue with that, she can't ignore the first. She might wish Alex never had to hear what Cadmus is capable of, but it can help with the research. And with the importance of secrecy, they can't afford for anyone else to spend hours in Alex's company. It's risky enough when Kara does it.

"Hopefully. Have you made any progress?" It's easier to change the subject slightly, to focus on the end goal rather than the past. 

"Some. I think I could reverse the effects immediately after infection," Alex says, voice dropping and lips barely moving. It's a damning tell, but Kara can't afford to correct her now. Not with news like this. "Long term and preventative I'm still working on, but unless she drugs everyone at once, we have a chance to fight it off now."

"Okay, keep on with that," Kara says, focusing on her students. "We need that vaccine, or at very least enough samples of the cure ready and in the right hands for if she springs it before we're ready."

They watch the kids for a few minutes longer, Kara stepping in and correcting a few forms as they spar. Alex helps, here and there, trying to avoid the suspicion that would come from spending all her time hidden away.

It's not until near the end of the lesson that Cipher comes up to Kara, holding a few sheets of paper and with his face devoid of emotion. "We found something."

Kara barely manages to keep her composure long enough to make it to her faction's command area. The usual sweep for bugs takes too long for her comfort, but she knows it's necessary. If Luthor is listening, they could give too much away no matter what code they use. She can't risk that.

"We've been looking into the files like you asked," Cipher says when the scan is complete, holding the papers out for Kara to take. "We managed to reconstruct the original files for every Cadmus agent, including Scrivener. I thought you'd like to see what's in it."

Kara nods, already skimming the paper in her hands. Maybe there's some clue here to explain why Cat would jump in front of a bullet for someone like Lord. Not knowing that has haunted her almost as much as the shooting itself.

It's not until the third page that Kara gets what she needs. The first pages were about her progress in training, and the methods used to control her. She'd never undergone the memory drugs, Lord notating that 'memory of the potential collateral damage should be more effective than an absence of motivation' but not specifying what that means. Not until the third page.

"They killed her son?" Kara asks, looking up with a horrified expression. "They fucking killed her oldest in front of her, and threatened the same for her youngest?"

"It looks like it," Cipher says, looking uncomfortable.

"Hey, it's another thing we'll make Lord and Luthor pay for, okay? They won't get away with this." Alex, as always, serves as a calming force as Kara's emotions begin to spiral.

"We have to rescue the boy," Kara says once her mind calms enough she can think. "We have to get him into protection before Lord has a chance to use him against her."

"That's a lot of resources," Cipher points out. "One kid who is probably under surveillance, it'll take at least four of us to get him out alive."

"Then it takes four," Kara snaps, patience frayed by the seemingly unending battles arrayed against her. "Scrivener is Lord's best asset, and if he has this kind of leverage against her, there's no telling what he'll make her do. You really want to face a frontal assault from her if Lord decides that's the best way to weaken our defenses so the others can clean up?"

Cipher pales, well familiar with Cat's skill. "I'll ask around, see who's willing to go."

"No," Kara says, taking a deep breath. "I'll pick the team. I need people with me I know I can trust."

"Kara, you can't go out there," Alex protests. "Luthor will make a move the second she knows you're gone."

"Not if we have help," Kara counters. "My mother and aunt may be on Luthor's side, but Alura's already been willing to stand up for me. I think we can trust her to run interference."

"But we don't have the vaccine, and the risks we'd take hoping we could get it to everyone would be too high. Do you really think we can risk that?" Alex's logic is sound, but Kara doesn't want to hear it. She needs to be on this mission. She can't help Cat directly, not right now, but she can do this for her. She can save her son and give Cat her hope back.

Except, she also can't do it herself. Alex is right. Kara has responsibilities, has people counting on her. And walking back into the stronghold with the boy in tow only for Luthor to hit them with the memory drugs would put Cat's son right back into the line of fire in a way Kara can't allow.

"Fine, but I'll still choose who goes," Kara says, hating every word. "And if anything goes wrong, I'll slit Luthor's throat and go after Lord myself."

She's deadly serious, and it's clear from the looks on Alex and Cipher's faces they understand that. But she doesn't see censure or judgment — just understanding and acceptance.

"Do you think you can trust Maggie on this?" Alex asks carefully. "She was a cop, and I know you ran her name through every database you could find. No one would try harder to get him out alive than she would."

Kara wants to argue that point, because she'd be the most protective of his life. Some cop with no emotional connection can't come close to the fierce devotion Kara feels without ever meeting the child. But still, Alex has a point. When it comes to assassins, the expedient way is habit more often than not.

"Okay," she agrees, mentally adding Maggie to the team. "But I want at least another two trained agents with her. This won't be something she's used to handling."

"Also," Alex says hesitantly, "I think you should tell Luthor what you're planning."

"What?" Cipher asks, standing from his seat in front of the screens. "Are you joking? Luthor has no sense of compassion. She'll probably insist we run an elimination mission on the kid instead."

"Not if Kara insists. It's the perfect test for her. Bringing this kid in has an obvious benefit, and eliminating him could go very wrong very quickly. If she tries anything, we'll know she won't honor the truce we've got going on."

"We already know that," Kara points out, not understanding what Alex means.

"Yeah, we know she'll turn on us when Lord is defeated," Alex agrees. "But if she won't let this mission run the way you want? I don't think we'll last even that long without her turning on us."

It makes sense, now that Alex explains. Luthor is a strategist, always willing to back the winning play so long as it gets her ahead. If she's not willing to allow Kara's mission to go forward, it's because she has other goals in mind. Goals she hasn't shared with the group, and which likely won't be for their benefit.

"Let me handle her," Kara decides. "I'll figure out how to frame it in a way she can't refuse. Then we can go from there. But I swear, Alex, if she does anything to endanger that kid I'm breaking the truce first."

"I'll try to hang around the main command tent when I see you head in," Cipher offers. "We can't mass our people nearby without attracting attention, but one person might be overlooked. Especially if you can break something I should take a look at."

"I'll do what I can," Kara decides. "For now, keep working. Alex, you've got a cure to develop, and Cipher, I want anything and everything on the Cadmus servers you can get. Lord's too smart to keep using them when we've got most of the hackers, but there might still be something there we can use."

In the meantime, Kara's going to assemble a team and get them briefed. Then she'll let Luthor know what she's planning.

***

"So much effort on this one child," Luthor says as she considers Kara's news.

The familiar judgment in her tone has Kara's spine stiffening, hands tensing as she readies for battle. Their fight may be with words for now, but Kara has no illusions on that front. One day, perhaps soon, it will come to blows.

"It's a justified use of resources," Kara defends. "Scrivener is his best asset. If we can break Lord's hold on her, then we can neutralize the threat she poses. Even bring her to our side."

Kara hopes the slight flinch she feels at the mention of neutralizing Cat doesn't show, but if it does, she'll handle it. It's not like Luthor doesn't know of her feelings by this point. She likely thinks they're a weakness she can exploit, and Kara's afraid she may be right.

At the very least Kara's willing to divert a much-needed fighting pair to handle the recovery, not something she takes lightly.

"Wouldn't it be easier to send a single agent and neutralize the boy? Faster, and much more likely to succeed. A single bullet and an agent could disappear within seconds." Luthor asks, her silky tone telling Kara the question is meant to enrage her. If she reacts, Luthor has another chink in her armor to target. And Alex's words echo in her ears. This is a test for them both. She cannot react the way she wants.

"You know as well as I do that if we harm Scrivener's son, she'll lose any reason to work with us," Kara points out instead. "And her anger might drive her to strike at us in a suicide mission. Neither of us wants to face the damage that would cause."

This is the moment Kara has to be careful. If she pushes too hard, she could show her hand. But if she doesn't give Luthor enough for a reaction, she won't get the information she needs.

"If that's the case, why don't you go? If the risk is that important to you, surely you don't want to leave it in another's hands?"

A deep breath and a stern self-reminder keep Kara from snapping back with too much honesty. The long game is essential. She needs Luthor until this mess is settled. And right now she needs to see if Luthor needs her.

"The same reason you haven't gone on any mission to strike at Lord," she settles on eventually. "We're allies by necessity, not by choice, and we both know it. Don't insult my intelligence by trying to pretend otherwise."

She's pushing a bit further than she intended, but it would look suspicious if she didn't. They're both well aware neither intends to back down, and Kara can't give that impression without Luthor noticing she's trying to hide something.

Luthor's nod of acknowledgment is borderline mocking, but Kara will take it for now. "You know, if we worked together in more than just name, we could settle this a lot faster."

"And you know I want nothing to do with Cadmus once this is over," Kara tosses back. "I don't care what you do with yourself or the organization once we win, but I've had enough death and killing."

Luthor hums but doesn't argue, and Kara waits for her next move. "I want one of my people to go along," she says eventually, a fake smile plastered on her face. "We both have a stake in this, and I would hate to see something go wrong."

Kara wants to snap out a 'hell no' at the very thought, but she has to play nice. She can't risk pushing Luthor too far, not yet. And the slight isn't enough to risk making a move. Not yet, not when Kara can still pick the rest of the team.

"Fine, but I have the final say," she decides, giving in but still keeping a measure of control.

"Of course, though I doubt you'll disagree with my choice. Lightfoot or Quickstep are the most experienced in this kind of mission. I doubt there's anyone else who could pull it off." Luthor sounds smug, and Kara really, really wants to lash out at her the way she'd lashed out at Lord.

"Fine, send whichever one you pick to me later, and I'll brief them." There's no way in hell she's briefing anyone near Luthor, even if they're likely to report back every word.

Then again, her mother had said they wouldn't work against Kara, hadn't she? And some part of Kara had believed her. Even the most cynical and distrusting part of her brain had believed the words.

"Good luck," Luthor says with a smirk as Kara leaves, heading back towards her camp with barely concealed anger simmering in her veins.

"I need a sparring partner," Kara snaps when she reaches her people, waving for a bug sensor as she walks. "Someone who can keep up with me right now, or you can keep subbing people in; I don't care. Just check me for bugs and get the gear."

The protective gear is half cobbled together and half stolen. The Cadmus agents had never used it in training, but Kara had insisted once they started up here. The last thing they need is an injury from training that Lord's people can use against them. Dealing with awkward padding is worth struggle if it keeps them safe.

"You're clear," Ace says after a moment, gesturing for someone to hand her the second set. "Call time when you get tired, we'll make sure you get what you need."

Some part of Kara's brain is thankful her people know well enough to stay quiet and give her what she needs. But the rest of it is worked up after the meeting with Luthor and the necessary back and forth between them. She'd known Luthor was a snake going into the meeting, and she hadn't said anything Kara didn't expect. But the way she'd said it, and the buttons she'd pushed, it was too much for Kara to take without getting angry.

Lord may have made the original call regarding Cat's children, but Luthor hadn't stopped him. And from the way she suggested just killing a child again now, Kara knows Luthor's decision would be the same as Lord's. And that gets to Kara in a way she can't explain.

Cat has been through so much, has so much blood on her hands, and yet she'd done it to protect her child. That depth of love is amazing to Kara, especially knowing it still exists after so many years behind Cadmus walls. And she will do whatever it takes to make sure Cat doesn't lose anything else.

It takes an hour and three opponents before Kara is exhausted enough to let go of her anger. And when she is, Astra shows up as if she'd been waiting. Knowing what she does, Kara thinks that's probably true.

"Your mother and I decided it would be better if I went," Astra says as Kara leads her towards a secluded corner. "But I stand by what she told you, Kara. I will not work against you so long as you aren't working directly against Luthor."

"Why are you two so adamant about staying on her side?" Kara asks, somehow more comfortable questioning her aunt than her mother, despite knowing them both about the same. Which is to say, not much at all.

"Luthor rescued us from an...untenable situation," Astra says after a moment of thought. "Your mother was pregnant with you while we were attending college, but your father wasn't in the picture. It was a tough time, but we were getting through it. She wasn't showing enough to earn the judgment of our peers, and we were set to graduate before it could affect her, and by extension me."

"But something happened," Kara guesses, drawn in by the story almost despite herself.

"Yes," Astra confirms, "one of her professors noticed she had gained weight. Being unscrupulous, and knowing the area of the college was known for its conservative attitudes around pregnancy out of wedlock, he pressured her for sexual favors in exchange for keeping her secret. She refused, and he threatened to tell the Dean. And when Alura told me, I killed him."

Kara's seen enough during her time with Cadmus that the mention of death doesn't throw her. She can even, on some level she's afraid to acknowledge, accept there could be a time she would do the same. She's no innocent child anymore, for all that her kills weren't personal the way Astra's was. If anyone can stand in judgment, it isn't her.

"And Luthor helped you cover it up?" Kara asks, still trying to fit the story into what she knows of Alura and Astra's past.

"It was more that she gave us a way out. I was careless, as you might expect from someone unused to killing, someone completely untrained. The police would have captured me, and your mother's secret would no longer be secret. And I would be in jail where I couldn't support her. Luthor gave us new identities in exchange for our loyalty and help forming Cadmus."

Kara nods slowly as she thinks the new information through. It makes sense, both why they have such loyalty for Luthor and why she'd seek them out in the first place. "But she told you I was dead, didn't she?" she asks as she remembers the shock on her mother's face when the truth came out.

"She did, and neither of us knows how to forgive her for that. But she saved us all those years ago. We have walked this path too long to change course now." Astra seems as resigned as Alura had during Kara's talk with her. And nothing about them looks stilted or off in a way that would scream they're lying. Maybe Kara can trust them after all.

"Has Luthor asked you to kill Scrivener's son?" Kara asks outright, deciding to risk the straightforward question.

"Not in so many words, though I know her well enough to know she wouldn't be unhappy if that were the result," Astra answers immediately. "She has no love for Scrivener, and often fought with Lord over her presence at Cadmus. If it hurts her, Luthor will want it."

"And what are you going to do?" Kara is ready to swing if Astra gives the wrong answer, but she holds to her patience with the thinnest of strings.

"In all my time with Cadmus, I have never harmed a child," Astra says slowly, looking Kara in the eye and making no attempt to hide her feelings. "I will not do so now, though I cannot promise to lay down my life for his. I will do my best to get the boy free, but that is all."

Kara nods her understanding, knowing everyone on the team save Maggie will likely feel the same. It makes her glad for the first time that the woman is going where Kara cannot. Alex had been right about that much; Maggie will make sure expedience doesn't win out over Kara's goal for the mission.

"As long as you aren't planning on an assassination mission, we have no problem," Kara says eventually, hoping Astra reads the dismissal in her words.

Her team will handle the mission planning, and Astra can find out details on the way. Kara doesn't trust Luthor isn't planning something more beyond sending Astra along.

Maybe she should have a second squad following just in case...

There are dozens of potential issues to consider, and Kara resigns herself to overthinking the problem for the next few days until the boy is safely in her camp. Of course, that will come with its own dangers. But at least she'll have the problem in her control. After that, she has to get a message to Cat before Lord manages to convince her they'd killed her son.

Just once, Kara wants things to go smoothly. Just once.