Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

just an intro post to hold myself accountable. let’s PRAY it’s not multiple chapters. bare with me. 

keep in mind, during the interviews, jongin is interviewing them. and while his intent is to be unbiased and objective, the interviewees sometimes break the journalistic wall

Chapter Text

ingredients for a perfect relationship:
    - good first impression
    - meaningful conversation
    - sensitivity
    - sexual compatibility
    - supportive friends

sehun and jongin weren't opposites by any means. mostly just a shitty mirror to each of their shitty realities — and shitty quirks.

—

INTERVIEW: GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION —YIXING + JUNMYEON

JUNMYEON: i don't think it was a bad first impression.

YIXING: you were hammered......

JUNMYEON: an unimportant detail. anyway... my boyfriend had just broken up with me and —

YIXING: your boyfriend, my cousin.

JUNMYEON: my boyfriend, your cousin. yeah. anyway! my boyfriend had just broken up with me and my loved ones decided to take me out. friends, brothers, their friends too. it was a nice get together.

YIXING: seh— my step brother dragged me along, promised me a good, relaxed night.

JUNMYEON: you were going to a bar, how did you expect relaxa — never mind. anyway, they were taking me out to raise my spirits and i met yixing. i did recognize him. maybe we had met before that. through my ex... or maybe you, jongin — oh nini, had he ever picked you and sehun up. maybe he had done something like that before. i don't know, he must've slipped my mind. but i got drunk and he...

INTERVIEWER, JONGIN: took advantage of that?

YIXING: i didn’t!

JUNMYEON: i wouldn't necessarily say it was like that. i just get so friendly when i drink, you know how i am, jongin.

INTERVIEWER: stop addressing me by name, you're skewing reliability.

JUNMYEON: anyway, i'm a social butterfly.

YIXING: you're a mess. you were a mess. crying about how the man who was the love of your life left you with broken dreams and other sad, sappy stuff. so i took you home. tucked you in. and slept on the floor.

INTERVIEWER: and that's how you met?

JUNMYEON:  and that's how we met.

—

little bodies settled in their seats, small chatter still filling the room. butterflies still filling jongin's stomach.

"alright class! one, two, three, all eyes on me!" the teacher chirped. and suddenly, the room when quiet. eager eyes on her. "we have a new student joining us today. jongin, would you like to introduce yourself?" he first shook his head shyly, declining her offer, which earned soft laughter from his new peers as well as a sweet giggle from his teacher as well. "let me rephrase and redirect," she smiled, "jongin, how about you introduce yourself to the rest of the class?"

he stood there for just a moment. eyes wide and his heart thumped wildly. "um, hi," he began. "my name is jongin kim. i'm six — no, i just turned seven years old. i like ballet. i have three puppies and three brothers too. but i like the puppies more." this made the class laugh, giving jongin more confidence. "i hate math, i think it's stupid — i'm sorry," he looked to his teacher with apologetic eyes for the word, "i think it's a... silly subject. i love gym. in my last school, i was the best hider in hide and seek."

all of the children had shocked eyes at that. "sehunnie is the best hider in our class," one child noted. and jongin's cheeks went red, nodding apologetically at whoever sehun was. he definitely did not want to steal anyone's title.

with the wind taken from his sails, he looked back up at the teacher and sighed. "that's all i can think of." he gnawed a bit at his bottom lip.

and she just smiled, thinking nothing of the other child's words or jongin's anxiety. her hand pressed against his back as she ushered him towards the rest of the class. "you can sit there at the blue table," he looked where she led him, "right in between chanyeollie and sehunnie. these boys will happily show you the ropes here in room fourteen. right boys?"

they each had very different expressions. one's smile was wide, beaming and he welcomed jongin in with open arms. his gaze gooey and fond. "i'm chanyeol," he introduced himself. of course, jongin thought. the boy on the other side held a grimace against his cheeks. eyes narrowed. jongin stuck his hand out to introduce himself but it was swatted away. "sehun, be nice."

crossing his arms against his chest, sehun's face softened, minimally. "if you're so good at hide and seek, we'll see who gets found today at recess." his tone was icy. and jongin just nodded.

"i-i haven't played here before. i don't know all the good spots." his brows furrowed.

"well then maybe you're not as good as you say you are, huh? i guess you're not a natural."

"sehunnie, stop, i'll tell the teacher you're not being nice," the fourth member at the table, kyungsoo, spoke.

"i'm inviting him to play with us," sehun's fingers pressed against his chest with indigence, "i'm being very nice."

the other two just shook their heads, giving jongin sad glances at the treatment. sehun, however, stuck to his stance. secretly terrified that his spot as the best was about to be snatched away. for the rest of the morning, jongin caught cool glares from the other. eyes on him and with a cold fire behind them. it made him shake, nervous that the transition here would not be as smooth as his parents, brothers, and teacher promised. the scary thoughts of being the second grade outcast may become a reality. he feared that sehun would make his life miserable here day by day. chanyeol and kyungsoo, however, were incredibly kind. chanyeol shared his pastel markers and kyungsoo even whispered some of the answers to the math questions to him (and when sehun threatened to tell the teacher on them, he received a swift kick in the shin from kyungsoo — chanyeol too promised to follow in suit).

"see you at recess, jonginnie," sehun smiled as they all lined up to leave the classroom for lunch.

"you'll see him in the lunchroom first," chanyeol muttered, sehun shoved him in return.

and while lunch was fairly tame — everyone was amazed at what his mother packed him for lunch, chicken mac n cheese and he even had tropical punch gushers — he couldn't help but to notice the eyerolls from a certain someone. scoffs too. and this just didn't sit right with jongin.

when they were all dismissed to recess, chanyeol and kyungsoo stuck by his sides and escorted him to the playground. he wanted to give up easily on the duel or even pick an obvious spot to hide. but he also felt somewhat defiant, not wanting to give sehun what he wanted.

"we'll give you five minutes to hide," yeri, another classmate, crossed her arms against her chest, everyone else nodding along, "just you two are hiding. the rest of us are the seekers."

sehun held a confident grin, jongin shook in his sneakers.

"1.... 2.... 3.... 4.....," they all began counting and sehun was off like a gunshot. jongin too as their voices rang in his ear. he looked around the playground with curious eyes. wondering what would be the perfect spot. passing by anywhere too open or that looked like it was frequented too many times. and as their counting grew closer to the limit, he shoved himself beneath the tire pit. his chest heaving. suddenly the urge to pee filled his bladder but he held it in. nerves would not get the best of him.

"pssssst," an angry whisper came to him, "pssssssst." it was sehun. "this is my spot jongin."

"well it's mine too!" his voice just as quiet, just as harsh.

“but i was here first!" his anger dissolved into a whine.

“yeah, but i didn't see you. they have to find one of us first, that'll be the loser." sehun just pouted in return.  

and the two stayed silent as they waited for the others to find them. recess was almost half over by the time jongin spoke up to him."sehun," he whispered, though was ignored. tossing some playground gravel at the other to get his attention. "sehun!"

"what?!" he gabbed back.

“i-i don't want you to hate me," he sighed, "i didn't want to steal your spot or title. i didn't want to make you my enemy or scare you."

"i'm not scared of you," he hissed back.

“but even if you were... hide n seek was just something i liked at my old school. and i wanted to make friends because of it. not a mortal enemy. c-can't we both be good?"

"maybe we can," sehun's voice was small, cheeks flushed red.

to this, jongin crawled over to sehun's tire and laced their fingers together. "then we'll both be good and both get caught together. when they find you, they'll find me too. and we'll both be the hide and seek kings."

the other's face grew warmer at this, at the closeness too. though his brow furrowed. "i prefer being the hide and seek president. you have to work to be president."

"fine," jongin grinned, "we'll be presidents."

their classmates never did find them. the teacher's whistle blew, signaling the end of recess and everyone retreated. sehun and jongin emerged from their spot (unseen, they promised to keep the hiding place a secret from everyone else so they could use it again). as they walked about to their classroom, trailing behind all the other kids, their fingers laced together. shoulders bumping and smiles stuck to their lips. it was an odd start. rocky too. but jongin and sehun went together like pasta and grape jelly (which sehun assured the other was the tastiest treat).

 — 

INTERVIEW: MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION — BAEKHYUN + JONGDAE

BAEKHYUN: meaningful conversation is very important.

JONGDAE: very, very important. i think we have our best conversations at the end of the night. tucked into bed.

BAEKHYUN: no...

JONGDAE: that's literally when we've established every aspect of our relationship.

BAEKHYUN: like what?

JONGDAE: when we first made out.

BAEKHYUN: okay...

JONGDAE: when i first gave you head.

BAEKHYUN: hmmmm.

JONGDAE: when we decided to be fuck buddies.

BAEKHYUN: that was a bad idea.

JONGDAE: when i asked y—  wait, what?

BAEKHYUN: fuck buddies was a bad era. we we're cagey and you fucked someone behind my back. we should've skipped it and been boyfriends.

JONGDAE: it was a great era. we weren't mature enough for a relationship but kind of acted like it and still got some. hence, it's not behind your back or anything.

BAEKHYUN: that was another issue with it, you didn't want to define anything. and you wanted to put your tiny, limp dick into any hole you could find.

JONGDAE: we're not starting that narrative.

INTERVIEWER, JONGIN: i want to stay neutral but let's not go there. i don't need to know where my brother's tiny, limp dick goes.

BAEKHYUN: of course! of course it's playing out like this. the kims always take it here. always defend each other.

INTERVIEWER: if these are the facts of your relationship, baekhyun, then you're right. i'll stand by you. just no jongdick talk.

JONGDAE: anyway, we decided to be fuck buddies at the end of the night in bed —  i asked you to be my boyfriend at the end of the night in bed.

BAEKHYUN: mmmm, a regret.

JONGDAE: shut the fuck up.

BAEKHYUN: fine, i don't regret that. but still, you're wrong.

JONGDAE: fine, when do you think we have the most meaningful conversations?

BAEKHYUN: what you don't know about us jongin—

INTERVIEWER: don't address me.

BAEKHYUN: fine. anyway, what you don't know about us is that we're two people who are big on routines. shocking, i know, since we're so exciting and on the fly. but our bodies just naturally adjust to schedules.

JONGDAE: what are you saying...

BAEKHYUN: so when we started dating and especially when we started living together, my body started syncing up with his.

JONGDAE: baekhyun what are you about to say.

BAEKHYUN: so everyday, when he'd be in the shower at his designated time, i'd have to...

JONGDAE: baekhyun don't.

BAEKHYUN: shush, babe. i'd have to shit. so i'd sit on the toilet. he'd be in the shower. and we'd just chat. not about anything specific or interesting. we'd just talk. it was nice. perfect, actually. and nothing would disturb us.

INTERVIEWER: sick.

JONGDAE: hm. you're right. i've reconsidered. we have our most effective conversations in the bathroom.

—

"well that was a fucking waste of my time," sehun shouted, throwing jongin's keys into the bowl next to the door and gracefully tripped over some boxes. "what the fuck is this shit?”

jongin's head peeked out from the tiny kitchen, looking over the mess sehun just made. "uhhhh half of it is jongdae's stuff —  oh right, he's moving out. and half of it is junmyeon's stuff —  he's moving in. their move in and move out day are the same so there's no overlap. can you make sure you're not busy on that day? you know my brothers have noodle arms. we need a big strong man." sarcasm oozed from jongin's lips though he wasn't necessarily lying. just poking at sehun's ego. a favorite past time. "anyway —  what happened?”

"so i go out with this guy and he's a total moron. let me start with his hair. mess. he looked like he hadn't slept in months. his voice was groggy the entire time. even after we drank our coffee he was like that. and he was just —  i don't know, snobby." sehun's hands moved with each complaint he had. animatedly, he paced around jongin's living room. that too, like the kitchen, was tiny.

"i'm always tired," jongin retorted.

“yeah, but you're cute about it. and you perk up after coffee. or a shower," sehun sat.

“you think i'm cute?" his brows raised.

“don't dwell on it."

“but you think i'm cute. you, sehun oh, think i, jongin kim, am cute. this is a miracle. i haven't felt blessed since you decided not to be my enemy back in grade school. you really think i'm cute? how can we go on like this?"

"we can go on with ease. i think you're cute. i think your mom's dogs are cute, dying but cute. i think the plushie on your bed is cute. i think a lot of things are cute, you're barely special."

“sehun, i have a boyfriend, you can't compliment me like that. how— "

"kyungsoo isn't your boyfriend. you went on one date because you're both pitiful, lonely, and picky. he's lusting after yeol's dick anyway, don't pretend you don't know.”

“i know," jongin said, a bit glum, "we kissed."

to this, sehun's attention had been snatched. "you kissed? why'd you let me talk about my snobby date when you kissed kyungsoo. how was it?"

"sehun, you're snobby. you can't count that as a fault when it's one of yours," he tried to backtrack.

“shut up, i'm not so snobby that i insult everything that isn't gucci," jongin's brow raised at that, though he stayed silent, "yeah, he was that bad. now anyway, what about kyungsoo?"

“it was bad. no spark. i mean, i love kyungsoo. just like i love chanyeol. and you. and it felt like i was kissing my brother. and it was just... wrong." jongin shook his head sadly.

“you were fine with kissing chanyeol every year on new years."

“i'm insanely drunk on new years. and i want to be apart of the kissing crowd," jongin turned off the burner, dividing his pasta up in two bowls.

“sorry, you get less, i wasn't expecting you." sehun waved off the concern, watching as jongin pulled out strawberry jelly and pasta sauce for himself. "i'm out of grape, is this fine?"

sehun just shrugged. he wanted more from jongin and his eyes made that obvious.

“anyway, it was just wrong and weird, okay?"

"so kissing kyungsoo was bad because he's like your brother. kissing chanyeol was fine because you were drunk but if you were sober —  yuck. and you can't kiss me because if you kiss me, you'll fall in love with me. you're shit outta luck with your friends, huh? time to get tinder," sehun snatched his phone off the counter, unlocking it with haste.

“heyyyyy!" jongin whined, trying to get it back, "i thought i told you not to use my passcode. just because you know it doesn't me— "

“it's time."

“i don't want tinder. i want to fall in love naturally. without wifi," he pouted.

“fine, let's go to the bar," sehun suggested which only made jongin's pout fall deeper. "c'mon, we haven't been out since junmyeon got brutally dumped and fucked my step brother. it's time to do something fun. it's time to go out."

“can't we just stay at my place and watch romcoms?" jongin grabbed their bowls of food and took it out to the living room.

"i hate romcoms," sehun noted, wrinkling his forehead.

jongin gave him a sweet, sugary smile. settling on his knees on the sofa. "please sehunnie?"

kicking his feet up, the other sighed in defeat. taking his bowl from jongin, he stuck his fork in. "fine." he watched with fond eyes as jongin excitedly settled in. "just know that this will work much better on your future boyfriend. i give in, not because you're cute, but because i know just how persistent you are and i'm too lazy to fight. he'll probably give in because he loves you and blah, blah, blah."

something sad stirred in jongin, though he did not dare to place a name on it. sehun had been his best friend for almost twenty years —  just a  few shy. he had always been faulted as a romantic. sehun nagged him for going out with kyungsoo, for kissing chanyeol too. but something secret flowed through his veins and coursing towards his heart. something he would never allow sehun in on despite their childhood promise of no secrets after sehun found out that jongin looked at victoria secret ads at night (the promise was only enforced more when sehun found out that jongin had stopped doing that —  and he understood why).

“you'll ask me out someday," jongin joked, elbowing sehun's side.

resting his head against jongin's shoulder, sehun simply nodded. putting a forkful of pasta in his mouth. "mhmmm, wanna go on a date tomorrow? i want pancakes for breakfast."

jongin just hummed in agreement. it was how all conversations with them ended, especially the ones where information was withheld. it was infrequent when jongin thought of sehun like this, when he let his mind wander to different places with his best friend. it wasn't often when he wanted that title to be a bit different. but when he did allow it to go off, his chest ached. he laced their fingers together. sehun never questioned it anyway.

 — 

INTERVIEW: SENSITIVITY — KYUNGSOO + CHANYEOL

KYUNGSOO: i think we understand each other. very deeply. i've known chanyeol since pre-k and i know a lot of deeper aspects of his life. i know what bothers him and why he acts the way he does. his sadness makes sense to me as much as his happiness. anger too —  which barely occurs. and i like to think i'm very sensitive to these feelings. to his needs.

CHANYEOL: kyungsoo do is a giant, fucking, insensitive asshole.

KYUNGSOO: what?!

INTERVIEWER, JONGIN: what?

CHANYEOL: huge asshole. doesn't care about my needs or my feelings. he doesn't listen when i talk.

KYUNGSOO: chanyeol, we talk everyday. most times when we're not together.

CHANYEOL: do you remember last night?

KYUNGSOO: it's last night... of course i remember.

CHANYEOL: remember when i was in the shower
and you were making dinner?

KYUNGSOO: yes...

CHANYEOL: and i was calling for you. KYUNGSOO... KYUNGSOO-AHHHH. BABY. KYUNGSOO DO. KYUNGSOOOOO. FUTURE MR. CHANYEOL PARK. KYUNG—INTERVIEWER: we get the picture.

KYUNGSOO: t-that happened?

CHANYEOL: yes.

KYUNGSOO: were you hurt????

CHANYEOL: no.

KYUNGSOO: what did you need?

CHANYEOL: i wanted to know if you liked the smell of my new shampoo. you're the one who has to smell it all night.

KYUNGSOO: i loved it, i love you.

INTERVIEWER: get out.

—

he wasn't sure why he went on dates anymore —  no matter how perfect the person was, sehun found a way to pick at them. to make them smaller and he always came home frustrated. sexually, of course. but there was something else too. he wasn't even looking for a relationship. he didn't even want to date someone. but he wanted to want that. his best friends had settled into their relationship and jongin —  well jongin was jongin. and jongin was looking. and the moment jongin found someone, sehun was fucked. he didn't want to dive deeper into that.

laying against his plush bed, he sighed. phone buzzing. looking at the caller id, it was almost like magic. "i was just thinking about you," he smiled to himself.

“are you alone?" jongin's voice was small. sehun didn't let it concern him.

“yeah, yeah i am," he exhaled, "i just got home from a date. before you ask, it was terrible. what's up nini?"

"minseok got engaged," he sounded somewhat happy, but without seeing his face, jongin's words were useless. "i'm so happy for him. he and luhan, they're crazy in love. passionate too. they're always touching, even if it's innocent. jongdae likes lu. and junmyeon says it's a good fit. he's right, you know. but i can't help but to feel jealous. why does my brother get to move to the next step — marriage, before i'm even to the first. like i'm ground level. no. i'm below that. there's ground zero, a layer of dirt, shit, and then me. i'm beneath the shit."

sehun laughed softly at his words. "mmmm, i'm happy for your brother."

“yeah, me too," the other mumbled.

“but it's a bummer it hurts you. you're not below shit though. luhan and minseok moving forward makes sense. they've been together since like... high school. into each other before then. so like, we expected this. it was always hypothetical shit about them getting married but it was always there. it doesn't help that both your brothers are in happy relationships, huh?"

jongin just whimpered. "you don't have another step brother, do you?" hearing the sweet, soft chuckle of sehun following the question. his voice then got small. "why doesn't anyone want me? what's the matter with me?"

“nothing," sehun said with certainty.

"i'm difficult."

“challenging, true."

“i'm too structured, too picky. too closed off."

"i think those are good qualities."

“i chase everyone away."

“they're idiots."

jongin scoffed. "you'd leave if you went on a date with me."

“well that's my thing, nini."

“i'm going to be thirty. i'm going to be over the hill. basically dead."

“when?" he tried his hardest to hold back laughter.

“s-someday," jongin pouted.

“that's six years from now jongin."

“mick jagger just had a baby," he ignored sehun's logic.

“yeah but he can't even pick the kid up. he is literally so old that that baby will be too heavy for his fragile body." and sehun hears the most beautiful laugh. it's sweet... until it dissolves into sobs.

“mick jagger still performs on stage, i think."

he won't let jongin just turn this back around. getting out of bed, he puts his shoes on. jacket too. "are you home?"

“mhmmmm."

“i'll call you back."

jongin doesn't think much of it. he just assumes sehun got hit up by a booty call. if he's really desperate, having phone sex with his middle school pinpal —  jongin tried not to judge. still, it made him sad. sehun had casual sex. jongin just couldn't.

he sighed, shuffling to his kitchen and pulling a tub of ice cream from his fridge. shoveling spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. all his friends were getting fucked and he hadn't been touched in months. months that turned into over a year, if he was honest. jongin didn't care much about the sex, he had his hand, right? it was the intimacy. the need to be close with someone. to adore someone. and that was the hard part for him. the hard part to find.

he wasn't sure how long he had sat in his kitchen, eating ice cream like a pathetic loser, but as he went to move to the sofa, there was a knock on his door. phone suddenly buzzing in his hand too. sehun's name lighting up the screen.

“what hun? i don't want to hear about your sex life."

"what? huh?" sehun squawked, "just open the door."

“if you ordered me a prostitute, you can tell him to— "
jongin stopped as he opened the door, sehun standing there with a soft smile. each holding mirrored tubs of ice cream in their hands. sehun's, however was fresh and full. and jongin just beamed.

“i-i ran to get this... wanted to cheer you up,” sehun mumbled.

they sit on jongin's couch for what feels like hours. sehun spoon feeds jongin ice cream and cooes sweet affirmations in his ear. telling him how sweet he is. how lucky some bastard will be someday —  and for a moment, he wants to be that bastard. he swallows that feeling. wanting to desperately drown that thought. because the moment he allows himself to think on it he'll —

when jongin curls in against his chest and looks up at sehun with red, puffy eyes, fuck he just can't help himself. his fingers cup jongin's jaw and pull him in. pressing his lips against the other's. it's stiff at first and he expected such. kissing your best friend, it's just unnatural. but plush lips part and sehun's tongue snakes in. fingers curl against his chest and he hears the most delightful whimper.

and he's gone.