Chapter Text
Jazz was playing in a bar an merging with the raindrops from the exterior. Sometimes you were able to hear glasses chinking or the dishwasher working. At least this bar was still alright with smoking, otherwise Chuuya wouldn't have chosen it. Bar Lupin used to be Osamu's first choice, and the redhead wouldn't usually go there because fuck Dazai. But something gave him this familiarity of being there, maybe it was because of Osamu.
He sighed, then looked into his glass of wine that he didn't have touched yet. Not that he wasn't in the mood, he was just... lost in thoughts. He tried to review the past few months; the alliance between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency, which was, in the first place, something he never got used to it.
"It was for the best", Ougai had said.
Aside from the alliance, there was the fact that he and Osamu got closer to one another. Not in a romantic or sexual way, but more in a somewhat platonic way. Could you even hate somebody platonically? It wasn't only that actually. That was something that had happened in the past six months. Their current oddity of a relationship had started merely two months ago actually.
Why they would still spite one another, they would share a secret and it was absolute that it was certainly odd. They were men in their twenties, possibly even still virgins and aside from knowing of the concept of how sex worked, they never really experienced it. It basically all started in that bar where Osamu was having his drink at and had become their venue before they would determine which place they would go after.
That night, however, was different. Chuuya's weakness was alcohol after all, and after three glasses he had become drunk already. Osamu had other problems; another suicide attempt had failed and now he kind of had to drink his sorrows away. It was not a great relief but he had no other choice. He usually would not want to meet up at Bar Lupin after the whole ordeal with Ango and Oda, but he missed the cat, which was why he had decided to drop by every now and then.
To sum it up: both had been drunk and suffering from their own issues.
"I was wonderin', Chuuya...", Osamu initiated, gently rubbing his index finger about the glass while he'd slip away constantly. Being drunk meant that you were lacking on proper balance, so there was that. "you ever been with a woman before?"
"Haah...", the redhead did not really fall for this language, yet he would not understand why Osamu had been asking that all of a sudden. His elbow was leaned against the counter, supporting his head that had been filled with three (or four) glasses of Grand Marnier.
"Ya know... ya ever fucked a woman?", Osamu elaborated.
"Tch... y' know that I'm not into women, don't cha...?",Chuuya nonchalantly confessed.
Osamu didn't think much of it but started cackling. His cackling was probably the most irritating one Chuuya must have heard before. That was how he'd cackle when he was drunk.
"Chuu-Chan... you're drunk!"
"As are you, idiot."
Osamu wouldn't call Chuuya 'Chuu-Chan' without a reason. There was a faint memory of him and Chuuya knowing one another when they were young, children even. But then Chuuya had disappeared and once he had returned, he would no longer have the memories of Osamu and anything that happened before. It was Arahabaki's fault after all.
Osamu could remember how heartbreaking it had been for him when he had found out that Chuuya had no memories about him anymore. Ever since that day, Chuuya had disappeared and had never been seen again until he had forcefully joined the Port Mafia. Osamu didn't forget but he still treated Chuuya as a stranger back then, mostly to just not confuse the other. He concealed anything that just yelled of his and Chuuya's relationship in the past.
"You here with ya bike?", the brunet asked.
"Nah... I knew I'd get drunk so I left it in the garage."
"How'd you get home then?"
"With a taxi, ya genius!", the redhead snapped. He huffed while his arm was still supporting his head. "Anyways..." he started again after a long pause, "why'd y'ask 'bout seein' women?"
Osamu didn't respond for a moment. Not because he was asleep or anything or he didn't hear the question. He could hear and understand it loud and clearly, it was just the struggle of finding the proper words and the answer for that. For what first seemed to be small talk, it actually had a little twist to it.
A twist that Chuuya never really expected— especially from Osamu.
The brunet took a deep sigh, and while he was still struggling with the words, he knew that they had to come out anyway. It was not really an answer, more another question.
"Can I sleep at your place tonight? I wanna try somethin'..."
"What do you wanna try?"
"Well... somethin'!"
It took Chuuya a few seconds to actually realize what that 'something' was that Osamu was referring to and his face heated up more than it already was from the alcohol. He felt a bit nauseous, maybe it was because of the alcohol or the thought of that 'something'.
"To come clear...", Chuuya said while he cleared his throat, "y' want to sleep with me?"
"Shhhhhhh! People can hear us!", Osamu said, stretching out his hand and placing his index finger on the redhead's lips. Osamu was awfully close to Chuuya's body, and a glimpse to the side actually revealed that both men were alone, aside from the cat resting on a stool and the bartender being busy with doing the dishes.
Chuuya had thought that Osamu wouldn't be into men, that he would cherish women since he had always talked about committing double suicide with a woman. Maybe it could also be that Osamu was already that drunk and he was hallucinating, seeing Chuuya as a woman.
"You know I'm a guy right...?", the redhead asked slowly.
"Uhm... duh..." the brunet clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "I'm not forcin' you..." he then whispered, his face being awfully close to Chuuya's.
Right. Sex without the other's consent was a total no-go after all.
Although... the thought of sleeping with a man was quite thrilling for the redhead, considering that he was seeing other men as well despite never really having slept with one. Osamu would be someone he could trust actually, but he wouldn't want Osamu to regret his choice. He was drunk after all, and there's the possibility he won't remember what happened in the night.
The smell of alcohol was just god damn awful, but risks would be taken for this and even if Osamu would hate him for that later. Chuuya was admittedly used to it. It was just a onetime thing after all.
Chuuya sighed and gently pulled Osamu away.
"Bartender... Call us a taxi."
"As you wish."
Ugh... the redhead sure would regret that and he knew that he would deal with this afterwards. It was consensual but the risk of memory loss was high. They would wake up in the morning and ask what had happened that night.
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Osamu's kisses were warm and tasted like alcohol, Chuuya had a hard time keeping up with these hungry kisses coming from the man. The taste of alcohol was as a turnoff and it would probably not really help him. Chuuya was pinned against his apartment door once they had entered it, because kissing or doing it in the hallway was something they would not really have. The people living in that complex were elder folks to begin with and just the thought of it would be pretty disturbing. Luckily the walls were all thick, so there wouldn't be a need to worry if both of them would become too loud.
The brunet tightened the grip around Chuuya's wrists before he broke their kiss and started to kiss the other's neck. Chuuya's hat fell on the floor but he didn't care about that. The kisses on the redhead's neck just made Chuuya more heated up and wanting for more. But it was not really fair that Osamu was doing everything.
Of course he was the one who had offered the whole thing, but Chuuya didn't like being the submissive party.
"F-fuck.. Dazai..", he whispered through his pants, "c-can't we go to my bedroom...?"
Standing was hard already despite Chuuya's good amount of stamina but Osamu was like eight inches taller than the redhead and it was just hard to handle. However, with that being said, Osamu reluctantly pulled away, grabbed Chuuya' wrist and tried to walk through Chuuya's apartment in the dark. Despite being there a few times in the past, he did not know the architecture of the rooms.
"That's my bathroom.", Chuuya said.
"Can't we do it in the bathtub?", Osamu asked.
"Fuck, no."
With a whine, the brunet tugged Chuuya out of the bathroom and stumbled into the next room.
"Warm."
"What?"
"That's my living room."
With a groan, Osamu kept dragging Chuuya into another room. He could tell that this was the bedroom since Chuuya always had a special room fragrance. Before Osamu could actually continue where he left off, he had not planned on that. Chuuya had grabbed him by his bolo tie and tossed him on his bed. How can someone, who was actually drunk, be so precise with these things? Maybe it was because Chuuya had so many experiences. Maybe he knew how to fight drunk and he could actually master or perfect it.
He then climbed on top of the man, his knee being awfully close and merely touching Osamu's crotch. He then took off his black jacket and moved down to kiss the brunet. It still was strange to him, but god... he was so turned on by this.
Osamu seemed to enjoy it as well since he moaned into the kiss. Whatever would happen afterwards was probably something both men would remember, right?
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The morning they woke up was pretty much surprising. They were not only hungover, they could remember of last night. Chuuya laid on his stomach facing the wall before him while Osamu was lying next to him, staring at the ceiling.
"No one has to know about this", Osamu suddenly said, still not looking away from the ceiling.
"It's just a one night stand and I want it to be that way", Chuuya replied with a sigh.
He had the urge to smoke a cigarette, but he wouldn't want to fall into the stereotype of smoking after sex. Besides, it was really a turnoff for Osamu.
"Are you sure?", the brunet asked, gazing at the other.
"What does that mean?", the redhead asked, looking back at Osamu.
"To be frank I really enjoyed last night."
"You were drunk", Chuuya tried to justify.
"Doesn't mean that I am not aware of my doings."
...
Wait.
Wait, what?
"Hold the fuck up, so you had full control of YOURSELF then!?"
Osamu's silence made the answer pretty obvious. Chuuya just flushed and groaned.
"Why!? Why, Dazai!?"
Was it a bet? Was it loneliness? Chuuya wasn't sure and Osamu didn't seem to spit it out.
"I wanted to know what it would be like to have sex with a man."
"You are so obnoxious."
"You agreed to it, Chuuya~"
Ugh, he was right. But there was a sole reason. Just as Chuuya, had full control of himself when he was drunk. He simply agreed to it for more or less the same reason.
"Because I trusted you. And I wanted to grant you that wish. Simply because I... I wanted to know how it would be like to have sex with a man as well."
Chuuya was not a dog who would do whatever people had to say. It just didn't feel right for some reason. They were used to be enemies that were now reluctantly allied, they started to approach one another as friends and only friends but they never expected to have sex with each other.
"Hm, seems like we're on the same boat, right?"
"Oh, shut the fuck up..."
Osamu just grinned while Chuuya was shaking his head. At least they had a day off but that didn't mean anything. That night didn't mean anything. Then silence occurred and both men didn't want to say a thing, until Osamu broke the silence again.
"Hey, Chuuya..."
"What...?", the redhead said with an irritated tone on his voice.
"What if we keep this going?"
"What?" Chuuya looked at Osamu with widened eyes.
"Well... sexual encounters. I have read that sex is a perfect stress relief and workout, you know? So whenever one of us is in the mood, we can meet up, go to the other's place and sleep with each other."
He wasn't wrong about that, Chuuya had to surprisingly admit himself. But was it really a good idea to end up as fuck buddies? They were just trying to reconcile their friendship, and it was a really huge step to actually go that far. Besides, he never really thought of Osamu in that way. If he was sexually frustrated, he could simply just go to a brothel to relieve his stress and work out.
"Why me?"
"Because I trust you. I wouldn't have fucked with a stranger, you know? And out of everyone who knows me well, you are on top of this list", Osamu replied, lifting his han to play with one of Chuuya's streak that was falling on his face.
Chuuya frowned but it was actually a good reason. Fucking with a stranger had so many risks and that Osamu choose Chuuya, it kind of meant a lot for the mafioso.
Chuuya took a deep sigh, then grabbed the other's hand that was playing with his hair.
"Fine. Under several conditions though."
Osamu grinned. "I'm listening."
"First of all, we won't have sex when we're drunk. This was just a onetime thing and if we have sex I want us to be sober. Also, we are doing it with protection. We are not telling about it and I get to top you every time."
"Hm... Sure, sounds good, yeah of course and no way, José!"
"I have figured that you are a wonderful power bottom", Chuuya said with a grin.
"Oh, really? Your moans have told me that you'd rather have me fucking you than you fucking me!"
Chuuya just rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine.... and... another thing."
"Man, so demanding..." Osamu pouted.
"Shut up, okay? No one leaves the other's house in the middle of the night or in the next morning. And we won't have sexual encounters like that nature with no one else."
Osamu smirked and nodded. "Deal!"
That flashback was just the start of everything. They had their sexual encounters every now and then but for some reason, Dazai didn't really seem to be participate on it a usual. Why they had agreed to switch at times, Chuuya had usually been topping him. He knew of Osamu being a power bottom, but there was no power and Osamu was more submissive. In fact, he seemed to be more distrait instead of being fully into it.
Maybe it was because he was stressed more with work and therefore couldn't focus into it. The redhead had been questioning about his mood but Osamu just tried to change topics much to Chuuya's dismay. Something was odd and Osamu didn't want to tell why.
Then the door of the bar opened and Osamu stepped in, humming his double suicide song in happiness.
"Chuuya, you're here!" he said with a smile.
"Just as planned", the redhead commented.
"Have you finished your drink yet?", Osamu asked, then looked at the glass before grabbing it and taking a sip from it. Chuuya just frowned at him and shook his head. Well, someone was in a hurry.
"Okay, enough", he said, grabbing the glass and finishing it himself. "I'm not here with my motorcycle so let's call a cab."
"I pay!", Osamu said.
"Of course, you finished my drink."
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Nothing had changed until then. They would have their usual sexual encounter, but just again, Osamu din't take much part of it. And to be honest it was odd and irritating. Questioning the brunet after the intercourse didn't work because Osamu would fall asleep afterwards. Something didn't feel right.
In fact, there was a reason why Osamu had been like that. Oda's death anniversary was very close and he focused rather on that than something else. In fact, the whole sexual encounters were nothing more to forget Oda and to focus on something else instead. Sleeping with another man would help apparently. The first encounters were in fact really helpful, but with Oda's death anniversary approaching, he wasn't really into it as usual. He knew it was not fair when Chuuya tried to give hundred percent while Osamu gave him only fifty percent. He could have told Chuuya about it sooner but he decided not to. The sex was good and he couldn't complain, he just felt bad for not giving as much as usual.
Even that night has proven that it was not the same. Chuuya was asleep, and sometimes they would just spoon with each other, but this time it didn't seem that way. They had an agreement; no one would leave after having sex. And as much as it would hurt, Osamu had to break this rule. He felt miserable for doing so, but he also felt miserable for agreeing to it without telling Chuuya the actual reason.
He still loved Oda. And he always did.
It wasn't only platonic love, it was the full package. Osamu loved Oda in any way possible. And the saddest part was it was one-sided. He knew that Oda was into women and would ever be, he knew that Oda wouldn't love him the same way as Osamu did. And it hurt so much. He really thought of Chuuya fixing it but he couldn't. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right.
He was waiting for Chuuya to be fully asleep. Chuuya could sleep so fast that someone could play an orchestra in his bedroom and he still wouldn't wake up. He took this opportunity to gather his clothed and get dressed. He was thinking about leaving a not for Chuuya, but he couldn't think of anything. He knew that what he was doing was really unfair and he knew that he couldn't make up for it.
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The other side of the bed was empty. Chuuya would usually enjoy the warmth next to him, but it was not there for some reason. First he thought of Osamu taking a shower, but he couldn't hear the shower. He opened his eyes and looked over the bed, just to see that Osamu's clothes were gone. The shower was not on, his clothes were not on the floor, he didn't seem to be preparing breakfast either. There was not even a note about Osamu leaving. He grabbed his phone to check for any text but there was nothing.
He left.
He broke the rules.
He sighed, then decided to text the other.
me: hey fucker.
me: you left last night without leaving a note.
me: did something happen?
Now he waited. He hoped for an answer and sometimes it was possible that Osamu would answer right away. This time, however, the texts were just left as read. He either marked them as read or just skimmed over them, but he didn't bother answering Chuuya in a way.
He didn't understand why, but all of a sudden, something in his chest started aching. There had been moments where Chuuya would wake up to Osamu kissing his cheek or lips, but ever since Osamu changed, it happened rarely. He had missed it that morning, looking into Osamu's sleeping or smiling face.
Why? Why was he feeling like that? Chuuya never felt like that before. The sex was nothing than a "stress relief" or a "workout" for him, and apparently it as the same for Osamu. So why had his chest something to do with that.
Or... could it be that... Chuuya actually fell in love with Osamu?
That was.. gross.
Not only was it gross, but why would somebody fall in love with their fuckbuddy? It didn't feel right, it felt wrong actually. But that was not it. It was not the fact that they were fuckbuddies, there was something else actually. He enjoyed Osamu's affection, and he sure knew this was just because they were fuckbuddies and Chuuya accepted that fact... but it was something else. Maybe it was the attention that Osamu gave him.
Sure, he had that when they had used to work together back during their Port Mafia times, but it was different now.
Maybe it was love, maybe it was just the fact that he was angry that Osamu left but that couldn't be it. His phone vibrated, and it was a message from Osamu.
suicidal maniac: i'm fine.
suicidal maniac: don't worry about me.
suicidal maniac: sorry i left.
Those message weren't the same as usual. When he looked back at the messages they had together, he could see that Osamu was showing more expressions, often adding emoticons to his messages. But that was not the case. Osamu was definitely not feeling alright, and he was hiding it from Chuuya.
He thought that they were friends, but he was wrong. Friends would tell each other what was wrong after all right?
Right?