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VII. Each soul shall meet its kindred soul,
Each heart shall share the same sensation;
Between pure sentiment and sense
Each feeling play with sweet vibration.
- "Viva le Platonique" by Sydney Owenson
When they finally find and rescue Wolfgang (exchanging Whispers for him after getting as much information as they could); when they go back to the safe house and the blockers wear off, it's like a piece of them has been put back into place. Like a limb that was cut off has been reattached, like a missing piece of their heart that made them feel so empty and hollow has now returned and they can feel whole again. The feeling is like they were broken and were now put together and they all let that relief consume them from head to toe, fill each of their pores, each cell in their body. They finally begin to breathe again, after what felt like years.
For Wolfgang, it's the strongest. Suddenly, he feels hypersensitive to everything; every touch is multiplied, even when his cluster is still on blockers. When he first touches Kala - even without the sensate bond active - he feels overwhelmed with emotions. Grabbing her face, pulling her close, kissing her; touching her arms, her cheeks, running his hands through her hair, breathing in her scent. All the sensations are so fulfilling, Wolfgang doesn't know if he'll survive touching her when the blockers wear off, but he's willing to die to experience that feeling - the feeling he could second hand feel when Will first touched Riley in that BPO facility in Iceland what seems like a lifetime ago - just as much as he was willing to die for his cluster.
Other than his mother and Felix, Wolfgang never considered himself to be much of a physical person in ways other than fucking and hitting (the other something he learned from his father years ago), but now he feels touch-starved, letting his hands roam wherever they can; Riley is holding him on one side and Kala on the other, and where his head is buried in Kala's rich dark curls, his other hand is around Riley's waist, his fingers settling on the patch of skin where her shirt rode up, and the warmth of safety that spreads through him as he's in contact with them gives him more comfort than most things ever did. He knows it might not be easy for the two of them to carry him, but they don't complain and he tries to help as much as he can; tries to will his legs to work on their own, to support his weight.
"It's okay." Kala tells him softly, smiling at his efforts. She speaks accented English, and he finds himself missing how she sounds in German. He knows it's because they're on blockers, so they can't share languages, and the emptiness in his chest grows bigger. "You'll get your strength back soon."
"For now, let us help you, Wolfgang." Riley says. She adjusts her hold on him as they finally make their way into the safe house.
Amanita is the one that opens the door, and although she's never seen him in her life, never met him other than whatever Nomi told her, the look on her face is as if she's welcoming home a close friend that she hasn't seen in years and was worried about. Her face softens when she looks at him, and even through his slight haze, Wolfgang can tell Amanita's barely restraining herself from hugging him, touching him, making sure herself that he's there and okay.
Kala breaks the short silence. "Neets, help us get him to the bed.", she says and Amanita immediately gets to work, slowly grabbing the man around his waist and easing Wolfgang off Riley's hold.
The layout of the safe house - probably less than a house and more of a place, another location Riley found through her many connections in Europe which is not much different than the ones where she and Will spent most of their time this year, perhaps maybe just bigger enough to keep in about a dozen people - is spacious and somewhat minimalistic. There's one mattress put in the back corner of the room, making it so that they don't need to isolate him, letting him get some energy and deal with his wounds. He lets Kala and Amanita lead him to the bed and lay him down as Riley leaves to the other room. Relying on his sense of hearing while his eyes are closed, he can hear them all moving around. Soon, though, Wolfgang feels more than hears another presence in the room.
He doesn't need to open his eyes to know it's Nomi.
"Yeah, I'm not on blockers." she answers his unvoiced question. "We didn't think it was necessary since I did all my work from here. Plus, Whispers and Jonas were constantly drugged, anyway." rage fills Wolfgang and he can feel some of it coming off Nomi, too, but he quickly composes himself. There'll be time for anger once he's better.
Wolfgang opens his eyes, looks at her. "Thank you." his voice is small - something Nomi never thought she'd describe it as - and quiet, hoarse from disuse. It causes her pain and Wolfgang can feel it, his heart clenching as hers does.
She moves closer to him, stands next to Amanita and although the other woman can't actually see her, she still turns to the side and looks up from where she's sat on the bed next to Wolfgang, as if she instinctively knows where Nomi would be.
Wolfgang thinks she probably always knows, even without being a sensate.
Nomi leans down, grabs his hand and gives it an affectionate squeeze. It's like she's trying to pass her strength to him. "You're family, Wolfgang. Always." she tells him.
He hopes she feels the love he has for her.
Nomi smiles, tears in her eyes, nodding. "I do." her voice is like a whisper but it holds more strength than anything Wolfgang's ever heard.
A few tears escape her and she wipes them off. "I'll come see you later properly, I've still got some work to finish."
Suddenly, he's not lying on the bed anymore. Rather, he's in what he assumes is the other room. Riley's there, a couple of burner phones in her hand. There's a few tables put together, some chairs spread around them. The tables are filled with computers and different kinds of equipment he only recognizes because of Nomi. There are papers everywhere, along with disposable cups of coffee and empty packages of take-out.
He puts a hand on her shoulder and she leans into the touch softly. "This is going to sound so weird but, God, that feels good." she tells him. Riley turns when she hears Nomi speak.
She nods, eyebrow raising. "Wolfgang?"
"He got curious." Nomi replies. Riley chuckles softly before leaving the room. Wolfgang follows her with a quick nod to Nomi in goodbye before he's back in his bed in the other room.
When she walks in she smiles at him before turning to Kala and handing her the burner phone. "Daniela's number is the last called. Call her when you check our medicine inventory and she'll get what you need. She and Hernando are out in the town, they said they'll drop by later when everyone's back."
Kala nods and moves away from Wolfgang almost reluctantly. Up until now, she's been checking his vitals and making notes, probably a list of things she'll need.
Amanita moves next to him. "How are they holding up?"
Riley sighs. "They're worried for Lito since they're not back yet, but were relieved when they heard we've got Wolfgang safe." she replies and Amanita smiles.
"That's good."
"Being in the city and having something to do helped them have their minds occupied with something else, but even that has its limits."
Amanita looks down to Wolfgang. His eyes are closed but she can tell he's not asleep. Too tired to keep his eyes open but still too pumped on adrenaline to be able to sleep. She sighs and slowly puts a hand on his head, her fingers soothingly going through his hair.
"How long until the blockers wear off?" she asks and Wolfgang wants to thank her for voicing what he couldn't.
Riley shrugs. "Shouldn't be too long." she says. "I can already feel your fingertips on my forehead, if I focus."
Amanita chuckles. "I don't think that's ever gonna stop blowing my mind."
"Mine either." Riley says, smile in her voice.
"When I finally saw you all together, I almost fainted in excitement." Amanita says. "I can only guess what it was like for you."
"It was definitely an experience." Riley replies. "But somehow, it still felt... empty. Like we were missing a piece."
"Wolfgang."
Riley nods. "We were together, but his absence was like having a limb removed, and not quite knowing how to continue at times. Getting him back was what kept us going."
Amanita pauses for a moment and as a silence surrounds the room, Wolfgang lets Riley's words consume him. He knew what it was like when he saw Felix get shot, how it felt like to sit by his hospital bed and watch him just lie there, unmoving. He felt a numbness then, one which never consumed him later; not until he was removed from his cluster. Thinking how it must've been for them as well, but in an opposite type of predicament - where he was alone and isolated in his pain, they were together but sharing it, the intensity never subsiding, feeling the loss of him even more than usual - made him be even more grateful than he already was (if that was even possible at this point) that he was back with them, that they were all there.
He can feel Amanita's eyes on him, can feel her sigh. He can also tell Riley's blockers are wearing off, as he can now look through her eyes. He saves his strength, but lets the warmth of Riley's sensate connection activating consume him. He already feels better, and a part of him itches to feel the others as well.
"Soon, Wolfgang." Riley tells him, a smile in her voice. "You'll feel them all soon."
Amanita's fingers in Wolfgang's hair slow down their movements before stopping completely. "I'm gonna go get him some water." she says, getting off the bed where she was sitting close to Wolfgang's side. "Do you think he'll be able to stomach some hard food or should I ask Kala?"
The absence of Amanita's touch affects Wolfgang as if a bucket of cold water was poured all over him, and he instinctively reaches out for her, stopping her halfway off the bed. His eyes open slightly, and his fingertips now feel like they're burning where he's holding her by the wrist - much like it felt when he touched Kala and Riley off blockers.
"Hey.." Amanita's voice is soothing as she smiles at him, and Wolfgang lets Nomi's love consume him.
Amanita doesn't stop looking at him, her eyes never leaving his and he can see a trace of knowing in them, her smile a fond one she usually gives Nomi. There's a small chair stood by the bed, worn out but comfy, and Amanita pulls it close with the hand Wolfgang isn't holding. As she sits down, she intertwines their hands together, and she can see him calm down almost immediately. From what Nomi told her about the German, she didn't think a look of fear would ever be one she would see in his eyes, but now as she's looking at him, it's there. She can't blame him and she most definitely won't judge him - especially after what she's been through - but she also can't wait until the badass safe-breaker she's learned so much about is back to his old self.
"I'm not going anywhere, sweetie." she tells him and she can feel the fear of abandonment leave from his beautiful blue eyes that are still glossy with exhaustion.
"I'll go get him some food. Riley says.
"Thanks." Amanita replies. "He doesn't seem to want to let go."
"Can't say I blame him." Nomi says, walking into the room and leaning on the doorway. "Neets has that effect on people."
Amanita laughs and when she looks down at Wolfgang, her face is soft but serious. "If I went through what he did, I wouldn't wanna be left alone, either." she says. Amanita suspects he's connected with her this quickly because Nomi was the only one completely off blockers, and as she looks at the German she can almost see some of Nomi's softness in his eyes that's always reserved for Amanita.
Wolfgang's eyes move to their joined hands, and when he spots the engagement ring on her finger, he smiles, the memory of the night coming to him. He takes a deep breath, finds his voice. "Nice rock, I'm impressed." he says, borrowing Nomi's English as he's too tired to think for his own. He looks at Nomi with tired eyes, but manages a smirk. "You crack any safes without me?" his voice is still weak, but not as quiet as it was before and he thinks it's progress.
Amanita snorts. "I think this one's legal." she says, but sends a look to Nomi to make sure.
"Is it?" she mouths.
Nomi lifts her hands in defense, mouthing back. "Completely legit."
Wolfgang coughs, his throat dry from the talking, but Riley is quick to return to the rum and bring him a bottle of water along with some oatmeal which she sets aside, opening the bottle and helping him drink. When she touches the back of his neck to lift his head up, the sensation he feels makes his eyes roll back as he lets out a sigh.
Suddenly, he's the one giving water to Riley, who's the one lying in the bed, her hands intertwined with Amanita's. Then, he's back in the bed again, water going down his throat. Next, he's still in a bed, but in a whole other room; cozy colorful blankets over him which weren't there before. He lifts himself up, his back leaning into the pillows behind him. When he puts his hands down on his stomach, there's a bump there.
Luna.
Deep affection swells his heart when he thinks of his daughter growing inside of him, the excitement of meeting her consuming him.
There's approaching footsteps and a smile spreads across his face when he sees Magnus, who puts down a tray of breakfast and kisses him on the lips.
When Wolfgang opens his eyes, he's back on the makeshift bed in the safe house, a bottle of water on his lips, Riley's fingertips leaving the back of his neck as she lets him fall back down onto the pillow, and Amanita holding his hands only slightly tighter than before.
"Is it.." he tries to find the words. "Is it always like this?"
"Pretty intense, huh?" Riley says, but there's a slight grieving tone in her voice, no doubt because of the memory they've shared.
Wolfgang looks down. "I could feel her. Kicking." he's never been one to cry but he can feel tears threatening to fall.
"Will felt my contractions once." Riley opts for humor. "Consider yourself lucky."
Wolfgang lets her lighten the mood, smiling at her words. He looks up towards Nomi who's still leaning on the doorframe.
"Some other time, Wolfie." she says. "You should get some rest."
Wolfgang nods. She's right, he needs to renew his strength and focus on getting better. The sooner he's able to stand on his own, the sooner he's able to fight, the better. The war is just in its beginnings, and Wolfgang's not planning on letting his cluster face any more of it without him than they already have.
He closes his eyes, his mind reaching out to Kala's as he feels her blockers wearing off as well, and lets himself be consumed by her love as Amanita's fingers running through his hair slowly lull him to a much needed sleep.
When he wakes up, he feels different.
He finds his emotions to be more in tune with himself, not feeling Amanita's absence as badly as he feared it earlier.
He also doesn't feel as weak as he was before, but it probably has something to do with the fact he's slept through the day - at least - and that there's an IV bag attached to his arm that's almost empty.
There's also a weight on his other arm, and he can feel a body pressed next to him. He shifts carefully as to not disturb the still sleeping figure, but moves enough so he can see who it is, even though a part of him screams that he already knows.
Kala has one arm around his, as her other goes around his waist. Her face is by the crook of his neck and he can feel her breath on his skin and, God, it feels so good. So fucking good.
Suddenly, she starts moving and then.. then...
It hits him.
A complete wave of emotions he knows aren't his, a love for himself gets tangled up in the love he feels for her, a huge wave of relief washes over him like a nice shower, bringing him more comfort than he'd ever need in his life.
The memories that attack him are foggy, but he can tell Kala's waking up as they become longer, sharper, more real. He lives them, breathes them, lets them overtake him because until yesterday he believed he'd never get to feel this - to feel her or any of his cluster ever again, never share another feeling, another memory - but there she is. She's so fucking real, so fucking perfect, and he doesn't want this to ever end.
She looks up at him, a smile coming to her lips, and he wants this moment could last forever.
"Good morning." she says as they keep shifting places, changing perspectives, switching bodies.
He felt the same with Riley, earlier, but with Kala there's an added emphasis of the fact that there was never anything he wanted more than to hold Kala, to touch her, to actually be with her and now it's happening.
If he didn't know this before, he'd now be sure he was definitely ready to die for this.
"You've been sleeping for a while, that's good." she says and reaches a hand to gently caress his cheek, her eyes looking over his face with the softest look he's ever seen. "You'll get your strength back soon. Do you think you'll be able to eat?"
He thinks that now, with her, he'd be able to move mountains. She smiles like she knows. He thinks she actually does.
"You should try walking, if you're up for it. Most of your issues came from exhaustion and dehydration, and getting you in motion is helpful in recovery."
Wolfgang nods, his eyes closing as he pulls her closer by the hand she has on his waist. He puts his face in her hair, much like before, and breathes in. Lets the scent of her consume him, lets it bring back memories of India that aren't his, and memories of waking up with a loved one that belonged to the cluster.
"Do you want to sleep some more?", she asks softly, yawning. "I don't think anyone's awake yet."
Wolfgang opens his eyes, looks at her again. They don't break eye contact and he lets himself get lost in her brown eyes, them working their magic on him like they always do.
She moves in closer and he can feel her heart beat faster in his chest, much like she can feel his in hers and, God, this feels so fucking good so fucking good so fucking- their lips touch and he's never felt anything like this before, even when he was kissing her. It's an entirely different experience; a better one, something he never thought possible. He can feel how he tastes and she can feel herself, then they can feel each other. He's the one with a hand on her cheek and another around her waist, and she's the one maneuvering him closer with one hand still hooked to the IV.
They keep switching all the way until their lips part, and they breathe deep, getting as much oxygen in their lungs as they can.
Kala laughs, then, and he can feel it rumble in his own chest. A smile spreads on his face, and she continues to stroke his cheek, his lips, with her thumb, hands still cupping his cheek.
Wolfgang has no idea where he is, but for the first time in a long time he feels like he's home.
Kala closes her eyes, sighs deeply. Their foreheads touch. "Presence." the words leave her lips like a whisper. Or maybe they leave his. Or both.
Wolfgang doesn't have to ask to know what it means.
The lightheadedness surprises him as he stands up and he almost falls, but Will is quick to appear and catch him, sharing his strength by putting a hand around him and letting Wolfgang lean into him.
"Hey, I got you." Will says. He waits until Wolfgang isn't dizzy anymore before he slowly releases him. He can feel the German's annoyance, can feel his insistence that he can stand by himself and that he doesn't need help, but Will lets him be. He knows he gets the same way, and he know what it was like getting off the heroin and regaining strength after that - even if he was in much better conditions than Wolfgang.
Unexpectedly, Wolfgang doesn't let the anger out. "Thank you." he says instead, and Will smiles.
"Anytime." Will replies, a hand on Wolfgang's shoulder and it burns. He wants to lean in, wants Will to never let go, wants the security the cluster gives him to never go away, not even for a second. Will gives a gentle squeeze, a reassuring smile on his lips, and Wolfgang remembers that his thoughts are never his own. He doesn't feel embarrassed, though - very few things ever make him.
"I've become way too dependent on you." he says as he moves away from Will and starts walking towards the kitchen. "I hate it."
Will chuckles. "No, you don't."
Wolfgang rolls his eyes as Will disappears. He almost misses his presence, but it isn't long before he notices his presence in the kitchen with the others.
The table that mostly contains Nomi's equipment is cleared enough to set breakfast and it currently sits four people: Nomi has moved from her computer as much as necessary to not get breadcrumbs all over it, with Amanita seated not far away from her, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. Hernando and Daniela mirror her from the other side, each with a cup of coffee in hand, but Hernando soon sets his down to put some jam over a few pieces of toast. He gives a piece to Dani, keeps one for himself, and then places one on an empty plate next to him. Wolfgang assumes it's for Lito, but Hernando looks up at him from the top of his glasses. Wolfgang can tell Lito is off his blockers because the love he suddenly feels for the man is strong, and definitely not a simple observation of Hernando's attractiveness, which maybe only a blind man wouldn't be able to see.
Hernando pushes the plate towards him. "Did I overstep? You really should eat something." he says, the fact that he doesn't bother with English telling Wolfgang they were brought into the loop completely.
"Thank you." Wolfgang finds himself saying this often. He takes a seat next to Hernando, and Riley puts a cup of coffee on the table for him. She squeezes his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head as she leaves to make more, and he can't help but smile. There's something so loving and motherly about it, something that screams Riley, and it fills up his heart with emotions. Will is by the counter next to her, making omelets and bacon. It fills the room with a strong smell and Wolfgang's stomach suddenly remembers he's hungry. He takes a bite of the toast and it seems like the best thing he's ever eaten.
"It's good to see you up and about." Dani speaks up, finishing her piece of toast and taking another sip of her coffee. She cleans off her right hand on a napkin before reaching out to Wolfgang. "I'm Daniela, but I think you know that already." she smiles and Wolfgang takes her hand, shaking it.
He swallows before replying. "It's nice to finally meet you in person."
"If it wasn't for an evil organization trying to hunt us down and lobotomize us, I'd say it's like summer camp." Nomi says, taking a sip of Amanita's coffee. She speaks in English, making sure to leave an opening for Amanita to join in if she'd want to. Amanita had a good enough grade in Spanish during high school, but the pace at which the others can talk is much faster than what she was ever used to.
Wolfgang offers her a smile and finishes off his toast. Before he even manages to look around for more food, Will's placed a plate of food in front of him, the omelet still steaming hot. He sits next to Wolfgang and Riley makes sure the stove is shut off and the rest of the food is brought over before she sits in Will's lap, stealing his bacon and taking a sip from his coffee cup. Wolfgang knows how Will's hand feels around Riley's waist and his own skin feels like its burning. He's still so touch-starved, and Wolfgang's not sure if it'll ever fully go away. He was so close to not being a part of this family anymore, and even the thought of it is too painful. He knows he's willing to do whatever it takes for it to never happen again.
They all are, he can feel it.
Soon, the table starts filling with even more people, and it makes excitement bubble up in Wolfgang.
Sun walks in, still half-asleep (sleeping surrounded by her cluster and their loved ones provides her with the best, safest sleep she's had in years) and her eyes light up when she sees him. “I'm glad you're up.” she says as she takes a seat opposite of him and reaches over to give his hand a tight squeeze.
Wolfgang's eyes narrow. “When do I meet the Detective?” he asks and Will snickers next to him. Sun just shakes her head and decides to focus on her breakfast instead of answering. Wolfgang doesn't get to press further, as he's suddenly wrapped into strong arms and then everything he can feel is Lito.
“I have missed you, brother.” Lito says, his voice trembling with emotions and Wolfgang knows his eyes have welled up, can feel Hernando's reassuring hand on Lito's shoulder, can feel Lito recover instantly.
“I've missed you, too.” Wolfgang answers. “All of you.” he says, looking around the table.
Lito brings up a chair and sits down, Hernando already placing a steaming cup of coffee and a piece of toast in front of him and that side of the table – Nomi, Amanita and Daniela included – start up a quick and lively conversation, only broken up about ten minutes later when Capheus and Felix walk through the door. Their hands are filled with different grocery bags which they both almost drop when they see Wolfgang sitting at the breakfast table.
Wolfgang figures that would be the case. Out of the whole group, he thinks Felix and Capheus are best matched in their enthusiasm and suddenly it's as if they're trying to outdo each other when greeting him. He loves it.
They manage to empty the bags without any spillage, putting more bread, pastries, cartons of milk, juice and yogurt on the table and sit down on the rare few empty chairs left. Wolfgang is trying to do a head count, trying to make sure if he's to expect anyone else other than Kala. Through Sun, he knows Detective Mun is not here; rather he's working on the case of putting her brother behind bars and exonerating her. He sends a message of approval – though the man is still a cop – but Sun just shakes her head, silently ignoring him. Through Nomi, he knows Bug remained in San Francisco but should be on a plane out soon. Will's trying to keep Diego out of this as much as he can, worrying about his family, but his partner is nothing but persistent, so Wolfgang decides to expect him.
He's brought out of his musings by Kala entering the room. As always, she takes over all of his senses and even though he can still tell what every conversation is about at the table – now a chaos of people talking over one another, often with mouths full of food, laughter everywhere – the only thing that matters is her.
Kala smiles at him. Her hair is wet from her shower, and Wolfgang can tell she's starving so he places a croissant on his plate. Riley hands her a cup of coffee as Wolfgang moves his chair slightly so Kala can take a seat on his lap. She's reluctant, not wanting to tire him, he's still recovering, but he ends her train of thought quickly. He wants her close. That's the best medicine he can think of.
He's not sure how long they can all still last without blockers before it stops being safe, but he wants to use the most of it.
Kala puts an arm around him and he looks at her, both smiling. “How are you feeling?” she asks him.
“I'm glad to be home.” he says, looking around the table, and his cluster is smiling at him, feeling the same way. He feels happy. Content. Complete.
The strength of those emotions makes him want to cry in joy.
Kala leans in, kisses his lips deeply. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to it. He doesn't want to. Kala's hand cups his cheek, her thumb caressing his lips as she moves away. He can taste her coffee in his mouth, can taste Sun's fruit salad and Capheus' yogurt. The combination shouldn't work, but somehow it still does.
Taking a bite out of her croissant, Kala looks around the table. The conversation has quieted down, waiting for the question they know she'll ask.
“What do we do now?”
Wolfgang tightens his hold on her waist, takes another sip of coffee before answering, his voice strong.
“We win.”