Archive of Our Own ^beta

Look at the mess you've made

Babe, I'm not what you think
Come on, listen to me

Now all I do is feel afraid

Can't you see that I'm here
Can't you see I've been played

____________

Blue eyes glimmered under the dim lighting. Wide as a window. Revealing all that was within.

Lies.

What a familiar look. He's seen it before. Heard it all before. He was no different.

"Aw truly, Shadow, I mean it. I would love to see that side of you! I bet it's like super duper cool and amazing!"

Again that smile stands, admiration shining forth. The knot in his stomach twists.

Lies. No one would ever accept you. Don't you remember what he did? The same act. Same ploy. Will you be played the fool once more?

Thin and wisping those thoughts creep forth. Setting in thick- clinging and reminding. No one was ever true to what they said. Yet deep down - small and swirling -a voice whispered those eyes held truth. They spoke loud and clear with no hidden intent. Red meant it all. He laid bare all he had in mind and nothing more. How intensely Shadow wanted to trust it. How strongly to accept all he was told but he knew better. Lies were woven into their every word. No, he would not be played for the fool again.

"For what, huh? What do you even get out of it?"

More bite and hidden accusation slip out than intended. Lips pinching slightly at that. Yet confusion only laced the red hero's face, head tilting as brows furrow. Clearly not at all getting the unspoken implication.

"Because it's you? And I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from me?"

That sweet voice slips out. Concern and an undertone of assurance painting the typically cheery face. Something soft and warm cups his cheek, gentle and unsure. Afraid of being rejected before growing in confidence, the hand runs softly downward. Thumb tracing a small path under his eye.

"You're not a monster, Shadow. You're not going to scare me."

That hand- kind and caring -tilts his head to the side. Gaze no longer focused on that knitted look. Only to feel something softer. Sweeter. Lightly pressing into the other side of his cheek. Warm breath cascades over the cooler flesh. Leaving it to deepen in hue and goosebumps to spread. Tight and sharp were the only words he had for his chest. No painful would be better because it was dangerous. Dangerous to give in. To allow the other to break down what he so desperately built. Not again.

But the more the ache grew, the more his will bent. How easy... To give in to those caring lies words. To just melt into those open arms. To give in completely. It was death. Foolishness.

"I'm not afraid."

That same voice repeats.

But I am.

Eyes remaining downcast, Shadow refused to acknowledge what was said. He didn't know what was going on in that head. That's what frightened him. He had seen it in the past. Before ever considering changing sides. Before he had smashed the mirror that ended his life. Those sweet wicked smiles given. The empty promises passed. Heated moments mistakes shared.

Even now with the face just inches from his. The secrets hidden away. Those smiles that lied. That happy voice that cried 'I'm fine'. Yet he knew. Behind it all, Shadow knew. He knew, which lead to his going back. Drawn in closer and closer. Curiosity blurring into comfort. Intrigued blending into affection. Empathy seeping into want. It had surprised him. He didn't even realize he had fallen before he found his eyes wandering. Lingering. Wishing to stay just a few seconds longer. To take all the other gave.

It was only a matter of time. Before it all- and it would -crumble down around him.

He knew better.

"And I'm not a fool."

Red eyes finally met those gentle blues- a mistake. How they only pulled him in closer -as he speaks. His displeasure quite clear and Red couldn't seem to piece together why. That hand still petting softly. Soothingly.

"I never said you were. I'm just saying you don't have to hide away. You don't have to pretend. It's not fair to you."

Blue eyes flit away as those plush lips fall into a grimace.

"I see how they act. The castle guards. The maids. The passing townsfolk and it's not fair!"

Then that blue returns. Bright and intense that Shadow almost flinches away.

"And I see how the others act around you too. Blue's distrusting jabs. Vio always fidgeting around you like he has somewhere else to be. Green can never truly relax. I hate it. You've proven yourself already!"

He wanted to laugh. Bitterly and spitefully that feeling rose.

"It doesn't work like that."

A tanned hand lifts to grip the slender one. Pulling it away from his face.

"They won't relax. They won't ever trust me because they know better. They know how this world works. No one reveals their true nature. It's all smiles and pleasantries. Masks to be paraded about and I don't fit. I'm just a monster in disguise. They see my mask a mile away. They see how withered and fake it is but if I don't then it's worse. They whisper among themselves 'it's only a matter of time' and you know what? They're right. It is only a matter of time. It's only a matter of time before this- whatever this is -breaks apart. Because if it's not me then it's-" you. And I can't lose another again.

Teeth grit and bite off the end. Voice suddenly feeling untrustworthy. Red's brows furrow at that. The gears in his head turning over the spoken words before the look softens, melting dangerously into sympathetic. A thick swallow at this. He didn't want sympathy. He didn't need the other's-

"Shadow. Please look at me."

Red eyes dare a glance but then warm hands return to his face. A gentle yet firm pull brings the hero's face back into view. Yet the look of pity is gone. Replaced with something akin to determination. His mouth parting as if to say something before second guessing. Brows knitting once more in thought and then-

A soft noise was made. Warmth searing against cold. Tender, sweet, but firm those lips captured his. A million unspoken words feelings swirling behind that action. The last of his walls cracking horribly. All stable grounds Shadow had was broken beneath him, dragging him down this suffocating hold.

"I won't ever leave you."

Eyes slitted open- when had he closed them? - to see those bright blues lipped. The whispered promise brushing across his face. Hands buried and tangled within dark locks.

"Never but I need you to trust me."

His lower lip trembled.

"I don't know... I don't think-" Words catching in his throat. A lump lounging in it. Another soothing kiss pressed to the corner of his mouth.

"You're not a monster, Shadow, but neither are we. The world can be a scary place but only if you continue to choose to go alone. I won't leave you. Not if I can help it."

His heart gave. A clawed hand reaching up, he tugged that warmth back into him