Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"It's just a little gift, nothing personal. It's coming to you from the goodness in my heart!"

You stared suspiciously at the thin package sitting on your kitchen table. It was wrapped in simple brown paper, waiting for you to open it. Cautiously, and against your better judgement, you picked the package up and flipped it over in your hands a few times.

"Now, I'm not saying you need it, but I'm not saying it won't help!" The sannin ninja sent you a wink from across the table. He took a big gulp of his tea before pouring himself some more from the pot.

"What is it?" You continued to play with the package in your hand. It was light and thin so it couldn't be anything too dangerous. But you weren't worried about the man in your kitchen bringing danger, you were worried about him poking his perverted nose into your life.

"Well you'll just have to open it and see!"

You stared at him for a long minute. You didn't break eye contact. You wanted to see if he would crack under your gaze, like the kids at the academy did, and spill his true intentions for coming here so early in the morning. But the ninja just continued to stare at you, with his pervy, knowing stare, and eventually you cracked and began tearing at the brown paper.

The removal of the packaging revealed a small black book. You flipped it over and surveyed the cover.

"How to Seduce Your Man in Ten Easy Steps!" by Dr. J. Sann

Your face flushed with heat. "Wh-what the hell is this?!"

Jiraiya laughed. "Well it's one of my newest books of course! It's not even available in stores yet! You're welcome!"

Your face turned even hotter. "What makes you think I want to read that stupid dime-store smut?! And what's with the fake name?!" You dropped the book on the table growing more flustered. Jiraiya pouted.

"Hey, my work is highly praised. And the name was just a fun touch to keep my identity hidden. I didn't want it affiliated with any of my other novels."

You huffed and brushed away his defenses. "Well thank you, Jiraiya, but I don't want it." You paused for a moment. "Correction, I don't need it! My sex life is just fine, thank you!" You crossed your arms and leaned back in the wooden chair with a final 'hmph!'

"Are you sure about that, hun?" He stared at you again with the same knowing stare.

You thought for a moment. When was the last time you and Kakashi had sex? Or did anything sexual for that matter? You pouted on the inside, realizing that your sex life was not perfectly fine and was actually pushing non-existent right now. But you refused to let this perv know that.

"Yes," you lied confidently. You somehow managed to keep a straight face too.

The man looked you over carefully for another moment and eyed you suspiciously. "Completely sure?" he asked, doubtfully.

"Yes," you said again.

He sighed and threw his arms up. "Well then, if you're sure. I guess you won't be needing this." He took the book from the table and finished off his tea before standing. "I'll be going then."

You nodded to him as he headed for the door.

"See ya' around, you little sex-monkey!" He sent you another wink before closing the door behind him. Your jaw hit the floor and your face had now passed all shades of red and was just plain purple. Your forehead smacked the table with a heavy thud. So you lied. Your sex life didn't even exist. Kakashi was just too damn busy all the time, what were you supposed to do? After working with the kids at the academy all day you were already tired. And when Kakashi did come home, it was always late, and you were both tired.

You sat up, feeling a sudden wave of dominance. This needed to change. Kakashi would be home tomorrow and you would make your move. You smiled to yourself. You would have him panting out your name in ecstasy within thirty minutes of walking in. Your grin grew wider.

"And I don't need that stupid book's help to do it."

Chapter Text

"Ngh... mmm... ooooh. Oh my god. Ugh, please... oh my god, please, I'm almost there! Mmmmm!"

You fell to the floor in sweet relief. Your skin was sticky with sweat. You panted heavily. The quick breaths ghosted past your lips in a steady beat.

"Finally," you huffed. "Damn couch."

You had spent a good twenty minutes trying to move the couch in your living room from one corner to the other. The stupid thing turned out to be a lot heavier than you expected and instead of simply sliding it across the wood flooring to the other end of the room, you got down and inched it across the floor using your legs to push it from the wall.

You finished catching your breath and stood up to make one final check on the room. The furniture was now successfully rearranged. The candles were set. The lights were dim. Everything was in place. To top it all off, you were dressed in sexy, thin, black lace and looking quite good, if you did say so yourself. Two thin straps hung over your bare shoulders and the rest of the thin fabric came to fall delicately against your small frame. It was held together by a single red bow, tied just below your breasts. The underwear, made in matching black lace, hugged your hips and accentuated your round backside. Your hair was pulled back in a single tie adding a sleek touch of elegance to your appearance. Everything was perfect. You sat down on the couch, careful not to disturb the precisely placed candles or wrinkle your attire. Kakashi would walk through the door any minute and once he did, your mission would begin.

Sure enough, not two minutes after you sat down you heard the screen door rattle from down the hall. You sat up quickly and smoothed your hair and your top. The door slid open and in stumbled the copy-cat ninja, dragging his feet behind him.

"I'm home," he called out, kicking off his shoes.

"I'm in here!" you called back, standing up from the couch and walking to the doorframe which led into the front hall. "Welcome back," you said smiling, looking the man's backside up and down. You couldn't wait to see his face when he took one look at you.

"Good to be back," he said, turning to you. "I'm exhausted," he stated bluntly before coming to stand in front of you. He froze upon noticing your attire and looked you up and down. A small smirk spread across your lips and sparks of excitement ignited in your stomach. You could see the lust in his eyes. He took a step closer to you. He leaned down, his face inching nearer and nearer to yours. Your smile only widened and you leaned in a bit too, preparing for the passionate kiss that was sure to come. Your hands reached up to playful pull at the mask that kept his mouth from your lips. His arms snaked around your waist and his fingers became intertwined with the lace waistband above your rear. Your nerves went wild at the small touches and hot pants of breath on your lips. His face was now inches from yours and... his head dropped down to rest on your shoulder and his arms dropped to his sides.

"Let's go to bed."

Your jaw almost hit the floor. "W-what?!... Didn't you notice... I... really, Kakashi?" you growled at him through grit teeth.

Damn tease. You watched him for a moment. His breaths were steady and relaxed. He looked so content just lying on your shoulder. Your hand came to rest on the back of his head, stroking his hair softly. You were slightly heartbroken, but you supposed he really was tired...

No, you thought to yourself, your determination returning. I'm not going to give up yet!

"C'mon Kakashi," you smirked. "I can think of about ten different things to do in about ten different positions that would be more fun." The words left your lips in a seductive tone. Your other arm came up to run fingers down his chest and slowly start pulling at the zipper on his vest. You began placing short sweet kisses in the crook of his neck. "Hm, what do you think?" you said between kisses. Your answer was met with silence and you stopped.

"Kakashi?" After another moment of just standing there you placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed him off you so he could stand on his own. Only, he couldn't. He was fast asleep. "Wha- Kakashi!"

His body weight began shifting forward and into your palms which were all that was keeping him standing. The realization that you were half his size and couldn't hold him came too late. He began tumbling forward. Your elbows bent from the increase in weight. "Oh shi-" Your elbows folded and the ninja came down on top of you, pinning you to the hardwood floor under his body mass. You groaned a bit from the sores and bruises that had already appeared.

"Ugh, really?" you whined, lying helplessly beneath the large man. "Reeeeaaallly? The gods hate me..." you whimpered. You tried pushing the male off of you. "Kakashi... when I imagined you being on top, this isn't exactly what I had in mind," you whined, struggling beneath him.

You poked and prodded a bit more but failed to wake the man up. You sighed in defeat and fell flat to the floor again. You stared up at your ceiling for another minute longer, moping in your failure, before growing irritated and forcing yourself out from underneath him.

"Well fine," you huffed, agitated and out of breath from your struggle. "You can sleep down here tonight!" You spoke to your roommate as if he could still hear you.

You stormed up the stairs and shut the door behind you in aggravation. You flopped down onto the bed and grumbled some more. So you really couldn't seduce him on your own. Your sex life was officially a failure. You were officially a failure. He hadn't even noticed all your hard work! You rolled over onto a pillow. Something was up. You used to know all the little ways to get Kakashi going, and now he was falling asleep on you when you pretty much threw yourself at him, half naked. His job was half done! Your mind wandered back to the other morning...

"Ugghh.. I really don't want to ask that perv for help... but..." You shoved your face in the pillow and groaned again.

But, you really didn't have much to lose. You would get Kakashi in bed again, no matter what you had to do.

Chapter Text

"Well, well, well, look who it is. The great sex-goddess herself. The girl with the best love life in the world. She didn't need any help from an educated specialist like me!"

You scowled at the large man as you approached the table he was seated at in the cafe. His voice was so loud and carried so easily, that a few innocent townsfolk had heard his rather obscene comment and had turned to see you walk in and sit down.

"Jiraiya, please."

"Oh no, you don't have to say it again. I know you're too good for my book. This 'dime-store smut' isn't worth your time." He had picked up the little black book that you returned to him the other morning and was now waving it around in the air as he talked. "Really, don't say it again. I don't think I can take the heartbreak!"

"Jiraiya, please! Just shut-up, I'm willing to discuss this." You tried your hardest to remain calm and rid yourself of all the frustration and irritation that was brewing inside you.

"What's that?" The sannin leaned closer to you, as if he had misheard a secret you were trying to tell him. "You want it back? So, your sex life really isn't fine, and you're not really the crazy sex-monkey you claim to be? It can't be true!" The teasing tone in his voice caused your cheeks to turn a bright shade of red.

"Jiraiya, shut-up now, or I'm going to leave!" you growled through grit teeth.

"Alright, alright," the older man said and shook his head. "I was just having some fun."

"Yeah," you scoffed, "at my expense. Now the whole entire cafe knows my sex-life sucks."

A small smile appeared on Jiraiya's face. "Well maybe if you had taken up my first offer instead of insulting my book, they wouldn't have found that out." He shook his head. "I tried to tell you, but you insisted."

You let out an irritated groan. "I know, and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for not trusting you and I'm sorry for making fun of your book. Can I please have it back now?"

The sannin ninja eyed you carefully. "I don't know..." he said after a long while. "You don't sound very sincere."

You rolled your eyes. Had you known it was going to be this hard, you might have just waited for the book to be released to the public. It had been weeks since Kakashi and you had had sex, what was another month? You thought about just getting up and leaving the cafe. If Jiraiya was going to pick on you, you really didn't want to be there to hear it. You thought a little harder though, and realized just how desperate you were. You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Please, Jiraiya," you said softly. "I really need all the help I can get right now." Your eyes fell to the cup of tea that had been placed in front of you when you sat down. "I'm kind of worried."

Jiraiya was silent for a bit, but then spoke up. "I'm guessing last night didn't go very well?"

You shook your head and your cheeks turned another bright shade of red as you remembered the embarrassing evening. It was almost as if Kakashi had been trying to ignore you. You knew Kakashi too well, he was too smart to not notice that you were up to something. You had thrown yourself at him. You set everything up! Why did he push you away? Without even realizing it, a few tears dropped from your eyes and onto the table around your tea cup.

"Woah there kiddo, you're going to make your tea salty." Jiraiya reached into his pocket and pulled out a clean cloth and handed it to you. "Things can't be that bad," he said, trying to lighten the mood.

"They're not... well maybe they are, I don't know. I hadn't even realized it until now, but we hardly even see each other. He's always got a new mission and I'm always getting called to work weekend daycare at the academy. He comes home so late that I always fall asleep on the couch waiting for him and he's never there when I wake up. I'm just worried that we're falling apart." A few more tears filled your eyes.

Jiraiya gave you a comforting smile. "But he does come home, right?"

You thought about it. He might not have been there when you woke up, but you would always wake up in the comfortable bed that the two of you shared instead of on the couch where you had passed out the night before. He did come home. Always.

You nodded to the elder ninja.

"Well then, there you go. That's how you know there's still hope. So, you know what you've got to do?"

Your puffy eyes looked into his tiny, sparkling orbs. You shook your head. "What?"

He held up the little black book and smiled slyly. Your own frown suddenly twisted into a bright, excited smile. You took the little black book from him and turned it over in your hands a few times.

"So, you ready?" Jiraiya asked, taking a large gulp of his tea.

You smiled back at him and wiped the rest of the teardrops from your eyes. "Game on."

Chapter Text

There's something about the flash of a woman's teeth behind the gentle curve of soft lips that makes males go weak at the knees. Perhaps it's the contrast of that pearly white against the red lip stain that has us falling head over heels. Maybe it's the bend of that sly smile that gets us thinking: "Those lips would fit perfectly between my own." However, from my professional point of view and personal experience, I believe the most likely reason for such excitement over a small lick of the lips or crack of a smile is the endless scenarios it causes us to imagine. With one look at a female's lips, we're between silk sheets together - tossing and turning over one another as those sweet, soft kissers dance down my neck, releasing hot breaths. After seeing just one canine, I'm on the couch and our clothes are coming off. I'm whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she moves down my chest. All the while those teeth are nipping, biting, and sucking at my soft skin as I pant, coming closer and closer to -

You slammed the black book shut and frantically pushed it off your bed sheets. Your cheeks had long passed a flushed pink and were now a full, rose red color. Your heart was racing and your body was heating up fast.

"Yuck!" you spat. "What is this crap?! Stupid, old man and his stupid, smutty book!" You furiously stood up from your bed and marched to the window to open it. "I never should have resorted to this!" You tried to take a few deep breaths, but your heart was still racing. "IT IS TOO DAMN HOT IN HERE!" Angrily, you ripped off your tank top before throwing yourself back onto your bed in a huff.

In truth, you weren't upset with the book and you hadn't read enough to justify calling it stupid. You knew that. But the fact that just one paragraph of Jiraiya's writing had gotten you so hot and heavy made you furious. Almost furious enough to stop reading. What if it only became more descriptive and detailed? You shuttered. Was it worth it?

The more you thought about it, the more desperate you felt and the sillier it seemed to give up already.

"I'll just... skip ahead!" you said to yourself, trying to be reassuring.

You reached over the mattress and grabbed the thin book from the wood floor. Opening it back up to chapter one, you flipped through the first set of pages looking for the real advice.

So how do you master this knock-out smile? It's simple really. Start by getting in the mood. If you feel sexy and confident, you're going to look it! Here are some simple steps to getting yourself into a seductive mood...

After following every step to the letter - a hot bath, some lacy underwear under a loose t-shirt, tousled hair and a glass of wine - you were feeling more than prepared for Kakashi's arrive home.

You decided to play it cool. You had plopped yourself down on the couch with a frivolous romance novel. (One of your own choosing even though Jiraiya had, of course, slyly recommended one of his works).

5. Sit Down With a Steamy Book - A good, romantic read will get you in the perfect mood for a fully mastered, seductive smile. Remember, the hotter the better! The Icha Icha Paradise series is a personal favorite of mine. The author has such a charming way with words, it's guaranteed to get you going! (Volumes one through three, available now!)

The light read you had picked out did the trick. Paired with all the other steps, you did in fact feel sexier and ready for your mission. In the back of your head you gave apologies to Jiraiya for calling his book stupid that morning. He actually gave some decent advice. But now came the real test.

You heard the front door creak open and then shut swiftly. You didn't even flinch. You were going to remain as calm and collected as possible. This was it.

"This is not going to be like the other night, it's not!" you mumbled to yourself. You waited until you felt Kakashi's presence in the doorway to look up from your book. "Well, good evening," you purred.

The man walked across the room and plopped down on the other end of the couch. "Hi."

You crawled across the sofa to his side like a puppy and made extra sure your loose t-shirt slid up to your waist to reveal a smooth back and rounded rear, accented by carefully chosen lace panties. "Wow, you just look beat. Long day?" You delicately placed a hand on his thigh.

He leaned forward to drop his head into his hands. "You could say that."

You scooted closer and crawled up over his legs, straddling his hips. You were going for it. You were going for it all. You took his hands and placed them gently on your hips. Your own palms came up to rest on his cheeks and your gaze locked with his.

"Is there... something I could do? To make it better?"

You could see the sparkle in your eyes reflect in his own, wide orb. You let the corner of your mouth twitch up into the slightest curve. You parted your lips, showing some teeth and leaned in. Your fingers tugged down on the mask that kept his lips from yours and you moved in closer. Hot breaths slipped past your lips and danced onto his. You loved the pink color this was bringing to his cheeks.

"Uh..." he stuttered as your hands moved down over his shoulders and pressed hard against his chest. You forced him back into the sofa and moved in even closer. "Actually..." he managed to spit out.

"What is it?" you asked, your voice husky. "Go on Kakashi... say it." Your lips brushed against his as you spoke.

"Well..." he began again, but this time he was cut off by a loud rumble echoing from down the hall and approaching the room. You were quickly pulled from your thoughts and turned instinctively towards the noise in the hall, only to be swiftly knocked off Kakshi's lap and to the floor by a flying canine.

Strong paws stood on your chest, pinning you to the hardwood and a wet tongue greeted your face with wild enthusiasm.

"Bisuke!" you cried, wiggling beneath his paws. "Bisuke, get off!" The dog paused for a moment, but rather than obliging to your screams he continued to lick your face and was joined by seven more slimy, pink tongues and many more strong paws. Being the highly trained ninja-dogs they were and possessing unreal strength, you were stuck and helplessly pinned down by their tiny feet.

Kakashi chuckled nervously from above you. "Well, you see..." He placed a hand on the back of his neck awkwardly. "They had so much extra energy, but I was just so exhausted that... well..."

The dogs halted their tongues to look up at their master. Beneath the pooches paws you glared angrily at your boyfriend, suggesting he spit out his words soon.

"Well I promised you'd take them for a nice long run tonight! You know to... get their energy out!"

Your cheeks turned a hot red. You were fuming with so much anger, you didn't even have words.

"Yes, well, I'm just going to head on up to bed!" Kakashi stood from the couch and quickly trotted to the stairs. "Oh and uh, if you'd be a dear and feed them when you get back?"

You let out a deep growl of anger and he disappeared up the stairs.

The dogs returned to giving you their slimy affection. "Kakashi, you- UGH!" you cried, remaining helpless on the floor.

Chapter Text

One of the most important findings of my research is that every man has a dirty mind. After adolescence, if a man is given the opportunity to think about sex he will. Whatever the situation, he will. It could be a Sunday lunch at grandma’s or an afternoon walk in the park; his mind is always crawling with thoughts of a beautiful woman’s body! So, how can a beautiful woman use this to her advantage? It may seem impossible, but my dear I assure you that you have the power to control his thoughts. How you wonder? It’s simple: innuendos on everything.

Innuendos? you thought to yourself. How on earth am I supposed to use innuendos on Kakashi? He reads so much of that smutty crap, I don't think double-entendres would have much of an effect anymore.

You continued to wrack your brain for ideas, staring down into a bowl of chocolate liquid. Each stroke of your spoon, churning the batter, was like a new thought in your mind melting in with all of the other failed ideas. You sighed deeply and placed the mixing bowl back on the counter. You wiped your hands on your navy apron.

"Oh well," you sighed, slipping an oven mitt on each hand. "I've got too much to do today I'll worry about it later."

Turning to the stove, you checked the time. Only a few seconds left on the clock. It wouldn't hurt to take the last batch of brownies out now. A wave of heat washed over you as you opened the oven's door. With it came the rich sent of warm, gooey, melt-in-your mouth deliciousness. Carefully pulling the pan of sweets off the rack, you could see the beautiful, even, brown color. You couldn't help but smile at your excellent work.

"Wow, another masterpiece. I’m amazing." You smirked. Cautiously, you placed the pan on the stovetop and headed to the pantry for another tray.

A curious voice came from behind you. "Are you…baking?"

"Yes I am," you said dryly, but didn't otherwise react to the new presence in the kitchen. You still hadn’t forgiven him for the night before. "But it's not for you." You got down on your knees to grab the last tray on the bottom shelf. "It's for the kid's at the academy. They'll all be moving up a class tomorrow."

You set the new tray on the kitchen counter and started to pour the chocolate mix in.

“Oh.” Kakashi had silently moved to your side. “You sure I couldn’t help? I’d happily be your taste-tester.” A hand came to rest on your lower back and you saw the smile in the ninja’s eyes. You continued to smooth the batter in the pan with a spatula, making it as even as you could. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head.

“Nope,” you said and turned to your boyfriend. “I already know they’re perfect. This is the work of a master craftswoman.”

“Oh really?” he chuckled.

“Yup.” You brought the spatula to your lips. “The work of a woman good with her hands” -your tongue scraped the gooey chocolate liquid from the spoon and you smirked- “and her mouth”.

With that, you grabbed the pan off the counter and moved to place it in the oven. You knew you had gotten his attention. Out of the corner of your eye you could see him slightly stiffen and then sigh. It may have been a small one, but the lack of any sarcastic comment or witty reply from the man made this step a success.

Chapter Text

Since we’re being so open in this book, I am going to let you lovely ladies in on a little secret! Though we may hide it under our rippling muscles and serious expressions, we men have feelings too. Yes, it’s true, and we are each different. We were uniquely made by our creators with different interests, passions, and desires. Yet so often, we poor gentlemen are reduced to the same expectations and roles as those around us. Recognizing these interests, passions, and desires are a quick way to any man’s heart. You see, underneath our stern expressions, we are all defenseless to the kind words of a thoughtful women. So put yourself out there and use your sweet voice to send your man spiraling into a state of sheer lust and longing for you to enjoy!

You put the book down and rolled your eyes. Jiraiya wasn’t going to make any of this easy for you to get through.

You were annoyed, but still you considered his words. You supposed it had been awhile since you had really talked Kakashi up. Honestly, your conversation had dwindled significantly since you both became so busy with work and other obligations. As much as it pained you to admit it, Jiraiya was probably on to something here. You had fallen in love with Kakashi by spending quality time with him. He was funny, and smart, and deep down really attentive and caring. He also had a great body. Perhaps you could rekindle a flame by reminding him that you loved all of that.

You pushed the book aside and stood from your seat at the table to stretch. Unfortunately you had some work to do before you could rekindle anything. You had scheduled a meeting with the Fifth Hokage to discuss updating the academy curriculum. So, telling Kakashi how sexy you thought his hair was would just have to wait.

Apparently Tsunade had forgotten all about your scheduled meeting, because by the time you arrived at her office she was six cups of sake deep. Izumo and Kotetsu had suggested you come back another time, but you had insisted you would be happy to at least check on her. You were actually hoping she had signed the papers you needed already. If things were really going your way today, she would be getting pretty sleepy about now and that would make for a perfect opportunity to slip the pages off her desk and avoid another meeting altogether.

Unfortunately for you, Tsunade was very much awake, and was having a bad day. Apparently Jiraiya was making his rounds while in town and upsetting as many women as he could, because she was livid. You didn’t know what their conversation had been about, but she bullied you into spilling your guts about Jiraiya’s book and your miserable attempts to win back your partner, and she wasn’t any happier after hearing it.

“That arrogant ass,” she slurred through grit teeth. “Always sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong!”

You laughed awkwardly. “Well, you know. It’s not like I have anything to lose.”

She ignored you.

“What you need is,” she hiccuped and paused.

You waited, and then carefully said, “my papers?”

She ignored you again.

“A woman’s advice!” she finished. “The advice of a young, beautiful, confident woman!” she stated triumphantly, her cheeks still flushed from the alcohol she had already consumed.

You stood awkwardly for a moment and then said, “Oh! You mean advice from you?”

She slammed her palm on her desk. “OF COURSE I MEAN ME! NOW SIT DOWN AND LISTEN UP!”

You sat your butt in the chair across from her desk as quickly as you could.

“Yes ma’am,” you said.

She fell into her own seat and then reached into a drawer on the right side of her desk. After pushing things around for a minute, she pulled out a second sake cup and placed it on the table next to her own. She sloppily filled them both, and then pushed one over to you, spilling just a little on the table.

“First bit of advice, drink that,” she said and slammed back her own cup.

You looked at the overflowing glass with distaste. You weren’t much of a drinker. You didn’t like the taste too much, and you weren’t able to have a lot before you started to feel its effects. You raised your hands in polite refusal.

“Oh, really M’Lady, I’m alright,” you said in as sweet of a tone you could muster. “Thank yo-“

“DRINK IT!” she commanded.

You grabbed the cup and threw it back. The liquid burned your throat on the way down. You were pretty sure sake wasn’t meant to be drunk so fast. Your face twisted into a terrible expression as you tried to mask how off-put you were by the beverage.

Once you set your empty glass down on the table she grabbed it and filled both hers and yours again. She pushed it back.

“Alright, now…” she started, taking a sip of her drink and waiting for you to do the same. You did.

“Here’s what you’re going to do to make Kakashi rip those clothes off and ravish that hot body of yours!”

You gulped and quickly slurped up your second drink. You figured you might need the alcohol to get through this conversation.

You and Tsunade ended up having a very long talk about your sex life, and men in general. She had actually imparted some good wisdom, and by the end of the conversation the two of you had developed a list of things you were going to say and you felt you had a little more confidence. You also felt you had a little too many drinks.

You were stumbling a lot as you headed down the dirt path home, but you knew you couldn’t focus too much on your feet because you had to remember what you were going to say. You played Tsunade’s voice in your head over and over like a broken record.

“You hear me (Y/n)? This is your mission! You are going to look him dead in the eyes and say ‘I am a beautiful woman with a nice butt! I deserve to be appreciated, and shown tender, compassionate love, and you are a stupid man if you think I will settle for anything less!’”

You repeated the words back to yourself now as you made your way home, tripping over several rocks that appeared out of nowhere on your way. As you got closer to home, you began to feel sleep taking over. It was becoming harder and harder to remember what Tsunade had said, so each time your mind started to wonder you would smack your cheeks and try to repeat it again out loud.

Finally, you reached home and tripped up the steps to the front door. Having minimal control over your motor functions, you slammed the sliding door open harder than you had intended. You let out an expletive, realizing you had knocked it right off its track.

“(Y/n)? Everything okay?” you heard Kakashi call from inside.

You quickly shuffled to place the door back as best as you could. Your vision was so poor though that you couldn’t find the track, so you decided to just lean it upright and hoped Kakashi wouldn’t notice.

“Y-yes!” you squeaked. You couldn’t mess this up. You had a mission that Lady Tsunade was expecting you to carry out!

Unfortunately things were going to be a little more difficult than expected. As you turned from the door, you managed to take one step before promptly tripping over the floor mats and falling to your face.

“Are you sure?” Kakashi asked, suddenly standing in the room with you and staring down at your limp body sprawled across his floor.

Groaning -you were sure you had bruised something- you rolled to a seated position and began attempting to kick off your shoes. Damn you hated alcohol.

“Ooooh,” you pouted. “I dunno.” You began kicking your feet wildly in an attempt to get your shoes off.

Kakashi knelt down beside you and placed a gentle hand on your calf, halting your thrashing. He started to remove your shoes for you.

“You’ve been drinking?” he asked, though he already knew the answer after he got a look at your rosy cheeks and sparkling (e/c) eyes.

Your face fell into a frown. “Not on pur-pose,” you said, a hiccup interrupting your words.

Kakashi gave you a questioning look as he slipped off your second shoe.

“Ho-onest!” you whined. “She bullied me!”

Kakashi finished removing the sandal and let his hand rest softly on your leg. His thumb grazed the skin of your inner thigh, and the alcohol in your system made you hyperaware of how gentle and soothing his soft touch was.

“I see,” he said softly and stifling somewhat of a laugh. “Maybe we should get you to bed.”

There was a kind smile in his eyes and your heart melted. Slowly and pitifully you nodded, and then you lifted your arms and stared up at the silver haired man with large, pleading, puppy dog eyes. He knew what those meant: “Carry me.”

With a sigh, Kakashi slipped an arm under your legs and the other behind your back. He stood, and headed for the bedroom. Feeling safe and loved, you snuggled into his chest, nuzzling your face into his soft shirt. His smell was so intoxicating to you. You could feel each of his fingers pressing warmly against your skin. The feeling of his strong arms wrapped around your form had you melting slowly into him. Gosh, you were so attracted to him. You would just be smitten right now if he threw you in the bed and ripped your clothes off-

Wait.

You suddenly sprung upwards, causing Kakashi to gasp in alarm and nearly drop you.

“Wait! Wait, I have a mission!”

Kakashi looked down at you confused, trying his best to hold on to you despite your wiggling.

“What are you talking about? It’s midnight.”

“No, no. Just put me down!”

Kakashi carefully placed your feet on the floor. He figured he wasn’t going to win in an argument with a drunk woman. However, you began swaying almost immediately so he kept his hands close.

Remembering what Tsunade had said, you placed your hands on your hips, stood strong(-ish), and looked Kakashi in one of his four eyes.

“I!” you started confidently. Except then you forgot what was next.

“I!” you tried again. “Have to tell you something!”

Kakashi waited silently, expecting you to continue. When a long moment passed without you saying anything, he spoke up again.

“Go ahead then,” he encouraged.

You took a deep breath, remembering the wisdom Tsunade had imparted on you.

“Kakashi,” you began again. “you are-” you hiccuped. He waited patiently for you to continue.

“A very beautiful woman with a nice butt!” You gave a triumphant and confident nod.

For a long moment, Kakashi said nothing. He wanted to give you a chance to say anything else you felt was necessary information for him. When it was clear that you had said your peace, he said:

“Thank you, darling. I'm flattered.”

You gave him an accomplished smile and then let him scoop you back into his arms. Feeling quite pleased with yourself, you allowed sleep to take over. You had completely knocked out before Kakashi even set you on the bed and gently tucked you in under the covers to rest for the night.

Chapter Text

After having had so much to drink you slept easily through the night and well into the next morning. Thankfully you had very few responsibilities for the day, so you weren’t too alarmed when you realized just how late you had managed to sleep in.

You took note of the empty space next to you in bed, which meant Kakashi had already woken for the day. Not too long after, you heard a clattering in the kitchen which also meant he was still home. You’d have to ask him what had happened after you came in last night because you barely remembered. Had you delivered your message and completed your mission? You could hardly even remember what it was that you were supposed to say. As you moved to sit upright in the bed, your head sloshed with the pounding weight of regret left behind by all the sake. You suddenly remembered something about telling Kakashi he had a nice butt and you giggled.

“Oh,” you said as you brought your hands up to rub the drunken sleepiness from your eyes. “Guess not.”

You slowly removed the covers from your body and stepped out of bed. Your muscles were stiff and not happy about being moved after a night of drinking. You never felt pleasant after having alcohol, but one thing that always made you feel better was a nice hot bath. As you began to undress yourself from the clothes you had slept in (and had also worn yesterday) your eye caught site of the little black book tucked under your side of the bed. You paused for a moment and then reached down to grab it.

“Might as well give something else a try,” you said to yourself and then headed for the bathroom.

This should go without saying, but for educational purposes I have chosen to include this next subject in the book. Ladies, you should always remember that there is nothing more sacred and beautiful than your own physical body in its natural state. Yes, naked! You ladies have each been perfectly sculpted by your makers as magnificent works of art. All of your curves -from your bountiful breasts to your rounded rear- are heavenly gifts. We men are slaves to our sexual desires and primal roots, and your bare flesh ignites us! Being able to display these assets or cover them up as you please is truly your superpower. There is no shame in knowing what you’ve got and making it work for you. Want to grab your man’s attention? Then get out there and use what the gods gave you!

You pulled your eyes up from the book for a moment to look at your bare legs stretched out in front of you in the bath. Being naked wasn’t something you had thought of yet. Sure, Kakashi had seen you naked before, but blatantly throwing yourself at him while in the nude? Well now there was an idea. How much more obvious could you get?

You pondered this plan over in your head for another minute and debated the different possible executions until suddenly you had a realization.

“Wait a minute, I’m naked right now!” you cried excitedly. “This’ll be easy!”

After a few more minutes soaking and a solid scrubbing, you pulled yourself out of the tub and dried off. You looked yourself over in the bathroom mirror for a moment debating on how you should present yourself. Hair pulled back? Or natural? Should you have gotten it wet in the tub so it would stick to you? Or should you actually do a whole getting ready routine and curl it or something? You waved that thought away when you remembered what the book had said.

“I am perfectly sculpted, and a work of art!” you reminded yourself.

You let your hair fall down in whatever way it pleased and gave yourself a final look in the mirror. Oh yeah, you definitely looked heavenly. Now it was time to use your superpower.

You hung your towel on the bathroom hook and exited into the hallway. It definitely felt odd being so exposed, even in your own home. Not to mention, it was much colder in the hall than it was in the bathroom, which had still been quite steamy from the tub water. But there was something freeing and fun about being so bare too. There was also the anticipation of what Kakashi would do when he saw you. There was no way he’d be able to resist you like this.

You stepped back into the bedroom and laid across the covers. You tried to appear intentional, but not desperate either. You were going for a casual look. ‘Oh? Am I naked? I suppose I am. How funny!’ That kind of casual.

Once you were comfortable and prepared, you gave a soft whine that you were sure was just loud enough to travel down the hall.

“Oh Kakashi~” you sung. “Could you come here for a moment?”

You anxiously awaited his reply, or the sound of footsteps trotting up the stairs; none came. You gave another call.

“Kakashi, honey~” you tried again. No response. Gosh darn that man.

You stood and headed for the exit of your bedroom. If he wasn’t going to come to you, then you’d just go to him. In fact, it might be more fun to get hot and heavy in the kitchen, or on the living room floor. You smiled at the thought.

You stopped just around the corner of the wall that separated off the kitchen area. You could definitely hear him working in there, so you knew he was home. You calculated the best way to play this off, and took a deep breath once deciding what your next few moves would be. You turned the corner and stepped about halfway into the room.

“Oh Kakashi, darling~ why don’t you come back to bed? Work can wait until later.”

Your voice was low and husky. It practically came out as a moan. You pressed your back up against the wall and arched it to call attention to your breasts. You looked down and to the side in an attempt to appear innocent and just a little charming. You lifted one leg and brought the pad of your foot to rest on the wall behind you to really solidify your casual appearance and to make sure he took note of your long, toned limbs.

“The bed is so much colder without you. Come stay with me for a little. Please, Kakashi?” You let his name roll off the end of your sentence in a soft whimper.

You knew you had him now. You looked hot and you sounded sexy. Now you just had to land the final blow; the eyes. Kakashi was a sucker for your big, sparkling (e/c) eyes. According to him, that’s why he said yes to your first date. It was just too hard for him to deny your beautiful, deep, pleading eyes. This was it, your biggest trump card.

You blinked and flashed him your brilliant (e/c) orbs.

What you had expected to see was Kakashi staring back at you with an expression of sheer bliss. Excitement would flash through his single dark eye while it roamed over your vulnerable, naked form. Then you would have him all to yourself, romping and rolling about the house.

But that was not what you saw.

What you actually saw were the frightened and alarmed expressions of twelve eyes; two for each of the shinobi gathered in your kitchen, clearly there for some kind of meeting. There were several you didn't recognize and several you did. Some you may even call friends. In the middle of them sat Kakashi, who appeared entirely oblivious to your provocative entrance. He only looked up from the scrolls in front of him after another very long and uncomfortable moment.

Upon seeing you, his eye did sparkle ever so slightly.

“Oh! Hi there, sweetheart,” he said.

A shrill scream erupted from your lips as you turned and hauled bare-naked ass back to the bedroom. You left a stream of expletives trailing behind you. You very quickly threw on a t-shirt and dove under the covers of your bed, pulling them as far over your head as you could. You let out a loud and long moan that was once again not the type of moan you had hoped you would be releasing. Yeah, the naked body was a superpower alright; a superpower used to thoroughly embarrass yourself and ruin your image as a schoolteacher in under thirty seconds.

Chapter Text

You laid on the couch in your living room with the small black book in your lap; you had been having a hard time concentrating on reading this evening. Your knees were bent. Your feet were placed firmly on the cushions and pulled closely to your rear as if you were trying to take up as little space as possible. Your back was pressed flat against the sofa making it so the pillow that you had your head resting on curved your neck in an almost ninety-degree angle. It was probably bad for your posture and it was certainly creating a double -possibly triple- chin effect on your face. You didn’t care; you were sulking.

“stupidbookandstupidadviceandstupidninjainmydamnkitchen,” you grumbled inaudibly.

You heard a weary sigh from the other side of the room. “You’re muttering again,” Kakashi stated.

You quickly sat up and catapulted the pillow that had been behind your head at him. He ducked, dodging its impact on his face without even a flinch or a blink.

“Since when do you have meetings in our house?!” you roared accusingly.

Kakashi didn’t look up from his work.

“Since when do you waltz around our house naked?” he retorted.

You let out a groan of frustration and resumed your sulking position on the couch. You placed the other available throw pillow behind your neck, noting that you might need it for more ammo.

With a defeated huff, you attempted to return to your book. Honestly though after the strikeout the first night and then this morning -you shuttered remembering- you were starting to doubt Jiraiya’s research. Kakashi was certainly a unique man, but a man none the less. A slave to his sexual desires and primal roots, right? Why did he seem so oblivious to your advances? Something was definitely up, but without any other leads, you figured your only option was to keep working through the steps. Eventually you’d find a winner. You hoped. You dove back into chapter five.

This next method I’m about to cover is a tricky little minx, so use her wisely. You see ladies, in the past few chapters we have discussed how to win the attention of your lucky lover by sending him sultry reminders that he has been blessed; blessed with the godly gift that is you and your body. Now, let’s remind him that you -and your pretty little legs- are a gift that could walk out the door at any moment and prance into the arms of another man. Oh yes, that’s sure to drive him wild! I know what you might be thinking; making your man experience such intense jealousy is hardly proper, but this is the big leagues ladies! Set fire to that small flame. Engulf him in the raging spirit of jealousy! Make your honeybun say, “You are mine!” and then let him take in all of you~!

You tore your eyes from the page and they briefly flashed to Kakashi still working away on his papers. Kakashi wasn’t really the jealous type per se; there’s little need for jealousy when you’re a man who knows how to get what he wants, which Kakashi certainly was. There were less than a handful of times you could recall Kakashi displaying anything remotely close to jealousy, but there was one memory. It was faint, but you might be able to use it to your advantage. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head and a small smile crept across your lips; you got it and you were going to run with it.

“Hey Kakashi, you’re still going away next weekend for that thing, right?” you asked. Your tone was flat and you pretended to still be scanning over a page in your book so you wouldn’t arouse any suspicion.

Kakashi responded just as flatly.

“I am,” he said, seeming only somewhat miffed that you had just reduced his job as a highly trained and advance level ninja who had been risking his life for the safety of you and the village since he was a child to ‘that thing’.

You continued on casually. “That’s too bad,” you said. “The gala for the academy restructure initiative is that weekend.”

Your boyfriend hummed, still not looking up from his work. “They’re throwing a gala for a few new math problems?” he retorted bluntly.

Your brows quickly knitted into a deep frown and a slight grumble escaped your lips. Touché, Kakashi. The restructure of the academy curriculum had been your biggest project for the past year; it was a complete overhaul. Obviously your honeybun was feeling sassy today.

You brushed it off and refocused on your end-goal here. You spoke up again.

“Yes, and as one of the honored guests it would be improper for me to show up unescorted; I’ll have to find a date.”

You checked Kakashi’s reaction once more from the corner of your eye. He seemed unfazed and wasn’t spitting out any spicy retorts, so you continued.

“Iruka asked me last week actually. He thought after all the hard work we put into this project it would be nice for us to go together.”

You watched Kakashi more closely now. The one memory you had recalled was just after you and Kakashi had started dating. You had run into Iruka in town one afternoon and you noticed Kakashi squeeze your hand a little tighter and step just a little closer when you and Iruka had started throwing around inside jokes and rehashing memories from past school years.

Kakashi didn’t look to you; he was now writing notes on the forms in front of him and seemed completely fixated on the characters he was scribbling down.

“What an adorable idea,” Kakashi replied, almost mockingly.

Well damn, that wasn’t what you had wanted. You frowned again. Apparently, you were going to have to try harder if you wanted to break the copy ninja.

You flipped another page in your book, pretending you were still skimming through.

“Yeah, I thought so too!” You forced a giggle. “But I told him that if we went together, we’d probably try to start working and acting like hosts instead of guests. We’ll have to bring our own dates to keep us reigned in and focused on the fun.” You looked up from your book and brought your eyes to the ceiling. You placed a finger on your chin and began tapping, giving the impression that you were really thinking this over.

“I bet those boys that work with Lady Tsunade, Izumo and Kotetsu, dress up nice. I could ask one of them.” You took an intentional, thoughtful pause and then said, “Maybe both!”

You expected to at least get an eyebrow twitch from your boyfriend after that idea, but he continued to scribble away on his papers and simply said:

“Two is better than one.”

Your jaw just about hit the floor. He had to be joking. Those two were so pretty, how was he so unfazed? Damn his many years of ninja training and emotional suppression. You were slowly beginning to accept your loss on this step when a new thought came to the forefront of your mind.

“Yes, they probably would be fun,” you hummed. You then let your eyes widen and said, “Oh!” as if you had just come up with the perfect person and this wasn’t at all a part of a plan to make your boyfriend hot with envy. “You know who I bet would just be tons of fun?”

Kakashi gave a single, “Hm?”

You let out another forced giggle. “Guy!” you said. “He knows how to have such a good time, I bet the party would go all night long! What do you think?”

Kakashi suddenly froze. He didn’t look up from his notes, but his scribbling pen abruptly halted.

You were quite pleased with yourself. Sure, the rivalry between Guy and Kakashi was heavily one-sided, but that was because Kakashi was always winning. He had little reason to feel inferior to the man because there was nothing Guy could do that Kakashi could not. With your new proposition, you were challenging that. Being escorted on a spectacular night out with drinks, socializing, and partying until dawn? Well with Kakashi being away, that was something he couldn’t do for you. Guy was such a gentleman too and had such an old-fashioned view of romance, he’d probably pull out all the stops. Kakashi knew this. Certainly, you had stumped him.

You watched your boyfriend carefully out of the corner of your eye. You didn’t want to look eager or desperate for his approval. No, no, you wanted him to see that you were completely content with the thought of taking another man out for a night on the town while he was away. Kakashi stayed still for another long moment, as if he was very delicately thinking this over.

“Well,” he began. Was that a hint of discomfort you heard? It made your mischievous heart erupt with delight.

“I think,” he started again. His tone faltered ever so slightly. Oh yes, you had finally thrown him off!

“That sounds like a fine idea. If you’re okay with your date being prettier than you, that is.”

You swore you saw his gaze flash to you for the briefest of moments to deliver a deep, knowing look before immediately returning to his work.

Your face fell. Oh no. Was he right? The scenario of Guy arriving at your house to escort you in an outfit more flashy and fabulous than your own played out in your mind. You could see him catching the eye of every person you encountered that night with his dazzling grin and charming demeanor. He schmoozed them with his smooth words and fashion-forward clothing choices and not a single person looked at you. Shit. Kakashi was right; you couldn’t have that happening, you loved attention. The sly man had used your own vanity and fierce enjoyment of validation against you. Ass.

You sunk lower into the couch and immediately shoved your nose back into your book, feeling the sting of your defeat.

“stupidguyandhisstupidcutegrinithinkimprettycutetoodamnit,” you grumbled, returning once again to your sulking.

“You’re doing it again,” Kakashi pointed out dryly.

The second pillow went flying towards his head. It hit the wall and fell to the floor with a heavy flop after he dodged it as easily as the first. Another point for your boyfriend this round. You had no choice but to return to your reading in hopes that the next chapter would be better suited to work in your favor.

Chapter Text

You were persistent, he’d give you that.

Kakashi was an elite shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He became a chunin at age 6 and was advanced to the level of jonin at the age of 12. He had seen enough trickery and deceit to know when something was up. Of course he noticed you had been acting like a weirdo all week.

Apparently today’s mission of yours involved parading about the house in your prettiest outfits and then stripping down slowly just to put on another and do it again. Yes, he thought he remembered this step. Six was it?

The second half of this book will focus on combining the sensual skills covered in the first five chapters so that you can make these teachings work to your fullest advantage. You’re welcome! You now know the tantalizing secret power of a woman’s naked body, and so in this chapter we’ll cover the arousing art of undressing. That’s right, knowing just when and how to undress in front of your man will send his imagination running wild. Covering and uncovering your perfect angelic figure is all a part of the art of seduction. Follow my steps, and you’ll have your lucky man pleading to place his hands all over your ravishing curves!

You had left the book lying about the house more than once. You were hardly subtle about your master plan, but Kakashi had to admit it was a little cute that you were clearly so motivated.

You had been out most of the morning for work. When you returned home in the early afternoon and saw Kakashi sitting at the kitchen table filing paperwork from home again, your eyes sparkled like precious stones and you dashed for the bedroom. No ‘hello’ for your boyfriend, no kiss on the cheek, just pure eagerness to begin your seductive tomfoolery.

Shortly after, you sauntered into the kitchen in the tiniest dress Kakashi had ever seen. Good lords, it was practically just shrink-wrap. He had no idea this was even something you had owned. He could admit to himself that you did look quite attractive in it and he enjoyed the way it clung to your lower back and shaped your bottom. He could admit it to himself, but he gave no reaction whatsoever when you waltzed past him in it. Instead, he pretended not to notice. He pretended not to notice when you reached into the cabinet for a glass and the backside of the dress shifted upwards just enough to reveal the curve of your cheeks. He pretended not to notice when the thin strap slipped from your shoulder and you reached up slowly to pull it back into place, allowing it to settle with a sassy little 'snap'. He pretended not to notice you at all.

Kakashi wasn’t usually so cool and calculated around you. In fact, something he enjoyed most about your company was that he felt safe and carefree when you were near. Your little moments of laughter together that had budded into a long-term partnership was something he cherished greatly.

But Kakashi had chips on the table in this game too, and Kakashi did not like to lose.

Once you had finished your lap in the first dress, you sauntered out of the kitchen and into the small mudroom where you typically did laundry. From Kakashi’s position at the table, he could just barely see your figure as you slipped the tight little dress off and kicked it with a bare foot into the pile of other discarded items. Standing naked, you fumbled around the piles of clean clothes for your next outfit. You held each item up to your body, smoothing it with a palm over your breast or your bottom. You tossed whatever you didn’t like over your shoulder and into the heap. When you had finally decided on one you felt was good enough, you stepped out again and walked back through the kitchen. This time you took out the kettle.

You did this two or three more times, each time coming in with an outfit more different from the last and each time moving yourself one step closer to what Kakashi assumed was going to finally turn into a cup of tea. It was ridiculous really, but clearly it was a part of your meticulous plan to win his attention. Which he of course still wouldn’t give. You’d have to play better if you wanted to make him fold.

After several more outfits and parades around the kitchen you had finally puzzled together a single cup of tea. You left it on the counter to sit while you once again ran off to the mudroom to strip down. Kakashi was quite impressed honestly. You had turned a simple task that would take a normal human about 5 minutes to complete, into a 12-step process spanning just over half an hour. He had to wonder if you ever intended to stop. He assumed you must run out of clothes eventually. Then again, you had also been producing a number of outfits that Kakashi hadn’t the faintest idea existed in your wardrobe, and he shared a closet with you. Maybe it was indefinite.

The next outfit you exited the laundry room in was quite simple but satisfying to look at. Your top half was (barely) covered with a white button up blouse. It appeared to be made out of a looser, breathable fabric and you had tied the lower half of it in a little knot around your midriff. The lower half of you was sporting a tight pair of colored shorts that perfectly sculpted your butt into that alluring heart shape. Kakashi liked them very much. Finally, you had covered your feet with a pair of fluffy socks. This seemed to be a tactic to make the outfit appear more effortless, like you were hardly trying at all to look as sexy as you did.

But Kakashi knew you were trying very hard, and he was not planning on backing down.

You made your way back into the kitchen and stepped behind your boyfriend to pick your cup of tea off of the counter, which had become quite cool. Kakashi waited and listened intently to see what your next move would be, but when he heard the dainty slurp of your mouth tasting the beverage you had worked so hard to make, he figured you had finally ceased your efforts. He gave no outwards appearance of it, but he felt a small sense of relief. He also felt a twinge of accomplishment. After all, you were quite cute and fun to look at. A less motivated man might have cracked under such pressure-

Kakashi’s thoughts came to a screeching halt when he heard a clatter on the counter behind him.

“Oh dear,” you said, although your voice didn’t sound the least bit troubled.

Kakashi was back on high alert. It fought every instinct in his body to not turn around and look at whatever commotion you had just caused. That didn’t matter much because in just another quick moment you were right in front of him, standing at the edge of the kitchen table. You bent over, reaching across the surface for a discarded rag. As you leaned down, Kakashi caught a glimpse of your exposed chest and a sharp, terrible, lustful shiver ran up his spine.

You were soaked.

From your neck to your hips, your front was dripping wet with spilled tea. The liquid had made the shirt so entirely translucent that even a blind man could see the nipple of your breast peeking out through the drenched fabric.

Oh my, had Kakashi underestimated you.

The next move you made was tactical. You brought the cloth up to your décolleté and began patting down the droplets of liquid that were clinging to your exterior. They rolled down the skin between your breasts, dancing away gracefully as you smoothed the rag across your chest. Slowly, you began to run the fabric further down your sternum and pressed it deep between the division of your bust. A button popped, exposing more skin and leaving the rest of your shirt fabric pulling and clinging to the last few fasteners remaining (there hadn’t been many to start).

Kakashi sat rigid, using all of his strength to maintain the appearance that he was still immersed in his paperwork and not at all aware of the events happening around him. His eyes shifted to steal glances at you only when he was sure you wouldn’t notice. The way the saturated fabric clung to every inch of your skin and hugged your form was mouthwatering. His thoughts were completely consumed by the curves of your body and the way it moved slowly and thoughtfully as you continued patting yourself dry. He was fixated on each droplet that fluttered down your neckline; they were mocking him. Each one rolled and rippled down the gape in your chest and onto your breasts, which were only an arm’s length away. Hot damn, he was going to lose it.

When you finally set the rag back down on the table you let out a wistful sigh. “I suppose this will have to come off,” you said with a pout. You turned from the table and strode delicately back towards the laundry room.

The moment Kakashi was certain he was out of your site, his head fell into the palm of his hands, his resolve crumbling from exhaustion. He rubbed his cheeks and forehead free of the tension left behind by the restraint he had mustered; you had certainly been a worthy competitor. The smallest of chuckles escaped Kakashi’s lips as he relaxed. Had you really planned that all out? It was unlike you to be so deliberate. Nevertheless, Kakashi was amused. He hadn’t thought it possible to become more attracted to you, but he had never seen this part of you.

He lifted his head to catch a glimpse of you pulling another short dress up and over your shoulders. You became stuck in the fabric, struggling to find the cut-out for your second arm and head. Kakashi couldn’t help but smile. Your determination and enthusiasm were precious. Kakashi had always been attracted to your spirit; you emitted such a sheer delight for life that was captivating and infectious. Deep and raw emotions were still uncertain territory for Kakashi, but he was certain of his feelings for you.

When you finally pulled your arm and head into the next outfit you had chosen, you shimmied into the material and let it fall naturally around your form. It was a cute little dress that cut a few inches above the knee. It was your favorite color and had short sleeves and a tasteful v-cut in the front. Kakashi watched as you gave a little twirl. The dress fanned out around you and you giggled, quite satisfied with your choice. Kakashi smiled. Yes, he knew he loved you very much.

From his seat in the kitchen, he called out to you, “I like that one.”

You turned to your boyfriend with wide eyes, clearly uncertain that he had been talking to you, even though there was obviously no one else he would be speaking to. When your eyes locked with his and you suddenly became aware that, yes, Kakashi actually had been watching you this whole time, your eyes turned to saucers and a blissful grin stretched across your lips. Your face lit up like a freaking Christmas tree. He thought it was adorable.

“Me too!” you said beaming, and you began twirling again.

Sure Kakashi was your opponent in this game, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to submit just a little.

Chapter Text

You were feeling good after capturing Kakashi’s attention yesterday afternoon. Sure, it hadn’t amounted to anything more than a flirtatious gaze, but you were comfortable with a slow build. After all, you still had a few chapters left in the book. You were beginning to feel a little more confident that you would come out of this whole sexual escapade on top. Literally.

As usual though, you had to focus on work before you could start planning your next seductive mission. Kakashi had left early this morning, so you were on your own for the day. For a change of pace, you had decided to take your work with you into town. There was a cute little tea garden just a few blocks from the academy that you frequented. Spring was finally rolling into the village and so the weather was beautiful. The flowers would be in full bloom too, so you figured the outdoor garden would be the perfect cozy spot to catch up on some papers that needed grading.

You were able to work for a few solid hours before your hand started to ache. You set your red pen down and stretched your arms and fingers out in front of you. Your hand brushed the stack of books you had carried with you, and you remembered that you had brought Jiraiya’s gift too. You hummed for a moment, knowing you should really keep grading papers. But, you were feeling so motivated, you had to see what you could try next. You picked up the little black book from the pile and opened it to the page you had folded to mark where you had left off. You would only read for a few minutes, then you’d get back to grading.

Now that you have become an experienced seductress using the knowledge I have provided to you in previous chapters, we will turn our attention to the asset you women overlook most often: body language! You see ladies, the right body movement is worth one thousand words. When used properly, even the most subtle actions can have a strong impact. As previously discussed, that irresistible smile of yours will take you far, but throw in a bite of the lip and any man will melt like putty in your presence. With the right guidance, you will learn to use your own body to say: “Take me, I’m yours to ravish,” without having to actually say a single word. Make his imagination run wild with images of you and your delicate curves straddled over his hips in the heat of-

“My, my, I think I might have found the prettiest thing in this whole garden,” a voice interrupted.

You let out a small squeak of surprise and promptly slammed the dirty book shut and shoved it under your stack of belongings. With a flush faced, you turned to your guest to see Kakashi’s smiling face looking down at you. Your body instantly warmed with excitement and you smiled back.

“Mind if I join you, miss?” he asked politely.

You let out a soft giggle and gestured for the chair next to yours. He sat and pulled out a book of his own.

“Thanks,” he said. “I promise I won’t get in the way. I’m just here to take a little break and, well, you are just so beautiful I had to ask.” His eye flashed to you with a teasing glance. “Don’t tell my girlfriend, though. I like her too much.”

Your heart fluttered. Gosh he was so darn cute when he wanted to be. He was also a stubborn mule when he wanted to be, but you didn’t want to think about that right now. You were simply enjoying watching him from across the table; your eyes were deep with content as you stared at the man you loved. Without even realizing it you shifted your weight forward and dropped your head into your hand to rest as you stared. Yeah, he was pretty cute.

Kakashi’s gaze flashed up to connect with yours. “What are you thinking about?” he hummed, amused.

“Oh!” you said, realizing you had become completely lost in a daydream. “It’s nothing.” A light blush dusted your cheeks as you looked down and away.

You heard Kakashi close his book and adjust in his seat. When you looked back up, he was leaning across the table, head tilted curiously and a suspicious twinkle in his eye.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning just a little closer. “Because you know, I’ve been starting to get the feeling that you’re” -his eyes flashed to your pile of books and materials- “up to something,” he finished.

Your eyes followed his to the stack of books where you had hidden Jiraiya’s novel, and then back to Kakashi. Did he know? There was no way he could know, right? You had realized that he was being uncharacteristically resistant to your previous attempts at seducing him, but then again, Kakashi had always enjoyed pushing people’s buttons. And ignoring you was a sure way to push yours.

You bit your lip, contemplating how you could play this off with a witty response when suddenly you noticed something; Kakashi had stiffened ever so slightly at the site of you drawing your lower lip back between your teeth with a blush. It quickly gave you an idea.

Perhaps you were going about this all wrong. So far, the goal had been for you to seduce Kakashi using the steps. But if Kakashi had picked up on that because you were coming on too strong, then that would explain why he was having so much fun blatantly ignoring you. So now, it was going to be his turn and you were going to let him know that the ball was in his court.

With your new goal in mind, you sat up in your chair and flashed him a smile. “Nope,” you said. “I’m not up to anything at all.” You sounded like you meant it too because, in a way, you did. Does deliberately deciding to not be up to something anymore in order to make your boyfriend do something still make you up to something? You didn’t think so.

You arched your back to bring attention to your breasts, and brought your steaming cup of tea to your lips, drawing in your boyfriend’s gaze and captivating it there as you let your tongue slip out to touch the rim of the cup. As you took your first dainty sip you noticed his shoulders stiffen just a little more. Finally you knew you were getting to him, even though he was about to deny it.

“Alright then, if you insist,” Kakashi said and returned to his book. His reaction was about what you had expected. Flat and contrasting to the feelings of desire that sat in your abdomen, feelings you knew he had too. This time though, it didn’t bother you as much because you had seen your work beginning to affect him.

You set your cup down and turned back to your grading. Carefully, you picked up your red pen and brought it to your lips. You pulled the cap off with your teeth. You wanted him to see them. You wanted him to imagine them nipping at his neck as you moaned into him. Just like the book said, you were going to make his imagination run wild. So wild that he was finally going to step up. Which honestly, it was about time for!

You continued to work through a few pages before recapping your pen and reaching for your teacup again. As you did, you let out a soft sigh. To others around, it only appeared as though you were taking in the scenery and admiring all of the pretty spring flowers that had blossomed in the garden. However, you were careful to let just the lightest of moans slip past your lips. It was subtle, but you knew it’d do the job because Kakashi had heard it from you before. And you were sure he was thinking about that time right now.

Without giving him even the slightest glance, you brought your cup back down and said, “Hm, I think this needs something.” With the tone you used, it was clear you weren’t really looking for a response and, to no surprise, Kakashi did not give you one. He simply kept his eyes glued to the pages of his novel.

Slowly and thoughtfully, you reached for the small honey pot on the table and spooned less than a teaspoon into your cup. As you did, you let a drop or two make its way on to the tip of your finger. Carefully you brought it to your lips and put it in your mouth.

“Mmm,” you hummed innocently. Kakashi wasn’t looking at you, but you knew he was paying attention to you and that gave you more than enough reason to scoot to the edge of your seat and really lean in to your movements as you sucked the sticky substance from your fingertip happily. When you blinked, you kept your eyes closed for a second longer, and when you smiled, you made sure to smile with your eyes. He loved that. So what if he wasn’t looking at you? He was thinking about you, and you knew it.

“Gross (Y/n)-sensei, why are you looking at Kakashi-sensei all weird like that?”

The abrupt and intrusive voice caused you to just about fall out of your chair. Just as soon as you regained your composure you turned towards the pest that had suddenly appeared beside your table, throwing sharp daggers with your eyes.

“Naruto!” you spat angrily. “How long have you been standing there?”

The boy snorted with laughter. “Long enough to see how dumb your face looked just now!”

You almost fell out of your seat again. What a punk. Naruto had been your student at the academy before he was Kakashi’s even, so you were very accustomed to his verbal attacks and complete lack of manners towards adults.

Thankfully, he was swiftly put in his place by Sakura who delivered a firm smack to the back of his head. You were grateful to her, because you hardly felt it was appropriate for you to do it even though he deserved it.

“You idiot, can’t you see they’re trying to spend some quality time together?” she hissed. She turned to you and her demeanor quickly changed to one sweet as the honey you had just been tasting. “Please ignore him (Y/n)-sensei, we’ll be going now,” she said. She placed a firm hand on the back of Naruto’s jacket and began pulling him out of the garden.

“Wait, but we’ve been looking for Kakashi-sensei all morning!” Naruto protested as he was dragged away by the young kunoichi.

Sakura’s face twisted back into a frown. “Honestly Naruto, how can you be so stupid that you don’t even recognize when a woman is trying to flirt?” she growled at the blonde. Her voice trailed behind her as the two of them exited.

Both you and Kakashi watched them leave. Once they were out of site, you saw Kakashi’s mischievous gaze wander back over to you.

“Oh~” he said, as if he had honestly just now realized what was going on.

Your face turned a deep shade of red and your let out an inaudible grumble.

“Were you trying to flirt with me?” he continued.

You physically could not sink any lower in your chair. If only you could still give Naruto extra homework for ruining your plan.

“I had no idea,” he cooed playfully. “Why don’t you try again?” He placed his elbows on the table, perched his chin in his hands, and flashed a charming (fake) smile. He was saying ‘you have my full attention’, but of course now you wanted none of it. What a butthead.

You let out another load groan. “Ugh, just forget it,” you whined in defeat. You dropped your shoulders and shoved your nose back into a stack of papers that needed grading. You’d have to make a note that the tea garden was not the best place for the power of body language to be utilized.

Chapter Text

Kakashi had figured it would come to something like this. “This” being you ignoring him almost entirely.

It was only yesterday that your attempts of flirting were squashed by the timely (or untimely) arrival of Kakashi’s pupils. This of course hadn’t really been his fault, or at least he had tried to tell you that.

“You know I didn’t tell them to show up, right?” he had said to you when he climbed into bed last night and you were still grumbling. This, Kakashi discovered, was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, I know you didn’t tell them,” you retorted rather sharply, much to Kakashi’s alarm. “No, you’re too smart to do anything as obvious as that.” Your head was on the pillow, but your eyes were so narrowed and dark that even wrapped in blankets and staring up at him you looked frightening. There was a slight hiss in your tone, and you pointed an accusatory finger at the silver-haired ninja as you continued. “But I’ve got a feeling that you’re up to something, mister. And believe me, you are on very thin ice,” you warned.

Kakashi blinked. “Me?” he said innocently.

Your brows narrowed. “You’re always avoiding those kids, making them chase you all over town, and I can’t help but find it suspicious that they just happened to find you, with me, when I’ve clearly been-“

You stopped yourself, knowing you had almost brought up the book without intending to.

Kakashi blinked again, waiting for you to continue. “When you’ve been… what?” he asked. You swore there was a slight teasing tone to his voice, and it only made your suspicions stronger. Kakashi was messing with you, you were almost sure of it. But, you weren’t going to admit your defeat just to find out what was going on. No, one way or another you were bound and determined to spin this new predicament to your advantage and come out as the winner here.

So, rather than continue your sentence, you instead said, “Just trust me. Thin. Ice.” You solidified your message by poking him twice in the chest, rolling over and pulling the covers over your head with a final “hmph”.

And that was the last thing you said to him.

Kakashi was working from home again today (he was incredibly behind on paperwork this week, which in truth was entirely his own fault) so he had the discomfort of your sulking presence looming around him all morning. You had woken only an hour after him, though the extra sleep clearly hadn’t done anything positive for your mood. After hearing you experience some type of unfortunate commotion in the shower (honest to gods it sounded like an earthquake and Kakashi had almost gone to check on the status of your life until he heard you use every swear word you knew, and he figured you’d be okay) you entered the kitchen rather heavy footed and angsty.

He had tried to brighten the mood with a sweet, “Good morning, beautiful~” but you responded with daggers in your eyes and Kakashi knew what you were saying.

Thin ice, mister!

So instead of pushing, he let you be as you aggressively poured tea, and then spit it out, and then angrily ate toast instead, and then got dressed, and then left the house with so much heat that you nearly broke the door Kakashi had just fixed. In truth, Kakashi wasn’t too bothered by the spectacle you were making because, again, he had been anticipating something of the sort to occur. After all, he was up to something. But he wasn’t going to tell you that.

You were gone for about an hour, and when you returned you did seem a little less… cranky. Even so, you kept your nose up when you entered so Kakashi kept his mouth shut as you strode past him and headed up to the bedroom. That was fine. He was perfectly content working on his documents in peace and not soul-sucking-passive-aggressive quiet.

He experienced about half an hour of this before you trotted down the stairs once more and plopped yourself down on the living room floor. Again he stayed quiet, but he did note that your pants seemed to have been forgotten upstairs, because the only thing covering your lower half was a pair of lace-lined underwear. Kakashi had no idea what this was about, though he had his assumptions. Still, he spent a moment admiring how nice your butt looked, but he couldn’t help it as his thoughts then transitioned too, Maybe no pants will help her terrible attitude. Hopeful, he turned his attention back to his work.

Across the room on the floor mat, you began focusing your attention on stretching the tension out of your body. At first, you had wanted to be angry all day just to prove a point. But then karma decided it was time for justice, and you were definitely delivered to justice. First was the shower incident. You had gotten into a fight with a bar of soap that clearly had no interest in being used. It jumped out of your hand about three or four times, each time causing you to knock over additional bottles of shampoo or conditioner, or hit the wall with your elbow, or bang the glass with your knee, until eventually you were crawling naked on the shower floor and swearing up a storm in an attempt to chase down the slippery demon.

Thinking breakfast would make you feel better, you headed for the kitchen in your bathrobe only to be reminded that you lived with a man who you were currently at war with and whom you wanted to be mad at, but who also still said things like “Good morning, beautiful~” even when you were clearly exhausted and moody and had just given a performance in the shower that would make even a sailor blush. It honestly made you more mad that he was so damn, cute.

So, you channeled your energy into your morning tea, but unfortunately that didn’t turn out any better for you. You had accidentally let the water boil for too long. You tried to get it into a cup as soon as you could, but ultimately it ended up being a hotter temperature than you expected and way too bitter because the leaves were sensitive to such high heat. It came up faster than it went in, and it took most of your taste buds with it. After that you opted for a dry and safe piece of toast (though you weren’t happy about it) before heading upstairs to get dressed. And that’s when it happened.

On your way into the room the sleeve of your bathrobe got caught on the latch, sending you flying backwards in a confused stupor. This might have been the universes way of humbling you; an attempt to remind you to calm the heck down. But, by the time you realized what had happened (and this seemed to only happen to you when you were already in a bad mood) you were done. You threw on the first outfit you touched and left the house as fast as you possibly could.

You had a few things you needed to do in town anyways, and you did get them done, but the torment from the morning was clearly written on your face. When you ran into an old friend at the market, she instantly zeroed in on it and questioned you about what was wrong.

“I know that face,” Anko said sternly. “That’s your ‘I’m pissed about something that’s probably my own fault’ face,” she said and your eyebrow twitched. When she saw it she laughed.

“Come on,” she encouraged. “What the hell’s up?”

You let out a low groan, but figured you weren’t going to walk away from this conversation without telling her something.

“Let’s just say, I’ve had a pretty bad morning,” you grumbled. “And that’s on top of everything else I’ve got going on.”

Anko looked at you curiously. “What kind of things?” she pushed.

You bit your lip. The thought of admitting all of your struggles and suspicions about your boyfriend’s odd behavior was uncomfortable, even if you were talking with a close friend. So you said, a little awkwardly, “I think Kakashi is up to something.”

At this, your friend threw her head back and let out a loud laugh. You looked at her confused and a little annoyed. That hadn’t been the reaction you were expecting at all.

When she finally calmed she said, “What else is new? If that’s all you’re dealing with, I think you’re doing alright.”

You let her words resonate with you for a minute and didn’t speak. After a moment, she continued on.

“Look, I’m not saying he can’t be stubborn and irritating, but it seems to me like you’ve gotten yourself all wound up over nothing.” She offered you a soft smile when she spoke. “Maybe he's doing a bad job of showing it but that man adores you, okay? So go home and try to relax. Maybe some yoga will get rid of that grumpy face you’ve got,” she said, swiping her knuckle across your cheek affectionately.

As you pondered her observation, you figured she might have a point. She was a pretty skilled kunoichi after all, and a very good friend. So, you took her advice. It wasn’t until you were standing in your bedroom trying to find something more comfortable to put on that you realized this was a decent opportunity to utilize the next step. Honestly, you had only skimmed the chapter the night before, but you were pretty sure you got the gist of it. Wear his clothes and make him feel the power of love in his loins! Something like that. In fact, you had the perfect thing in mind.

When working on some laundry the other day, you found an old (very old) oversized t-shirt that you hadn’t actually been aware Kakashi owned, but would do nicely for your current plan. It was stretched and had several tears in the lining, which was a sure sign of years of love. It wasn’t cute per se (you had a feeling it wasn’t always the color it was now), but you knew that pairing it with something lacey would brighten it right up.

With your goal in mind, you plopped onto the living room floor. You made sure you were in Kakashi’s line of site before beginning your relaxing and rejuvenating yoga session. A few moves in and you realized it really was helping relieve some tension. Your shoulders began to relax and the knots that had formed in your neck from being angry all morning began to unwind. You let out a deep sigh.

As you lifted into downwards dog, your gaze traveled through your legs and to the kitchen to see if your boyfriend was paying any mind to your beautifully sculpted and lifted rear. You weren’t really sure what you had been expecting, but when you saw his focus still locked on the pages in front of him, your brow began to twitch again. You decided you were going to have to step it up.

Releasing another loud sigh you dropped down into a gentle cobra stretch, making sure to get a nice arch in your lower back. After that you rolled over, sighing again, and entering into a solid bridge pose. You checked once more to see if maybe your raised pelvis would catch his eye, but had no luck. You dropped down with a soft thud. After a moment, you sat yourself up, bent into a forward fold and let out another large breathy exhale-

“I’m sorry, are you ill?”

Kakashi’s voice hit you like ten kunai. Even if you had had an ounce of patience left (which you did not) you didn’t think it would have been enough to stop the growl that rose in your chest and left your lips. You shot up quick, jumping to your feet with fists curled and eyebrows knitted together in a look of pure irritation. Without taking even a second to think, you stomped your foot and channeled all your tension into the words forming on the tip of your tongue.

“No, asshole! I have had a really, really bad morning and I am trying to get my stubborn, aloof, arrogant boyfriend to look at my CUTE BUTT!”

Kakashi stared at you, blinking owlishly like he had the night before. He brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck sheepishly, and his eyes slid shut in a grin.

“Oh, well, your butt is very cute,” he smiled.

“THANK YOU!” you said (yelled, honestly).

Kakashi cleared his throat awkwardly, implying there was more he was planning to say. You gave him a cautioning stare but let him continue on.

“Um, but what’s that you’re wearing?” he asked.

Confused, you followed his gaze down to the oversized t-shirt blanketing your frame. You looked back to Kakashi, brows lifted in question.

“It’s some old shirt of yours; I found it doing laundry,” you stated.

Kakashi lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “It’s not mine,” he said. “It looks terrible.”

He didn’t seem to notice exactly what he had said. Or maybe he did. Either way, an expression of anger instantly returned to your face and you clicked your tongue in irritation.

“Well it’s not mine,” you snapped. “So if it’s not yours, who’s is it?”

Kakashi shrugged again. You rolled your eyes, ready to lay into him for something else entirely because that’s just how you were feeling, when you felt a light tap on the top of your bare foot. Your eyes shot down to the floor mat. Kakashi’s gaze followed.

To your surprise, what you saw staring back at you were the glossy, hooded eyes of a tiny brown pooch.

“Pakkun?” you stated more than asked.

The dog let out a tired sigh and said, “That would be mine.”

An unpleasurable jolt rushed up your spine. Not yet sure you totally understood, your hands pulled at the ends of the t-shirt in question.

“T-this?” you stuttered. Pakkun confirmed with a nod.

“It’s my favorite sleeping shirt. It makes an excellent bed once you dig your paws into it a few times.”

Oh no. You could not even find the words.

“But- how did-” you tried.

Pakkun licked his paw casually and continued. “I found it in someone’s garbage.”

You almost fainted.

“You know what they say, one man’s trash is another dog’s favorite sleeping shirt. I put it with the laundry to make sure it got washed; I didn’t like the way it was starting to smell,” he said matter-of-factly.

You were speechless. Absolutely speechless. You looked to Kakashi for help, but he was far past the state of shock and too busy trying to stifle his laughter to offer any type of assistance in the matter. Your attention was brought back to Pakkun when you felt another tap on the top of your foot.

“Well, are you going to give it back or not?” he asked. In truth, it almost sounded like a threat, but you were having a hard time understanding anything right now.

Unsure of what else to do, you tugged the shirt up and over your head, removing it entirely without even a word. Your movements were so careful and uncomfortable that you appeared robotic. If you were at all bothered by the fact that you were now standing in your living room in nothing but your underwear, you didn’t show it.

You held the shirt out for Pakkun to take, which he did. Grasping it between his teeth, he carried it to a corner of the room and dropped it to the floor mat. You and Kakashi watched as he dug his paws into the tattered fabric, walked a few circles on it, and then plopped down.

“Ah, still warm,” he hummed with a smile.

Your eyes flashed back to Kakashi, who was still trying not to laugh. Your (e/c) orbs were glossed over and Kakashi couldn’t tell if you were going to cry, scream, or if he was about to have one less ninken to summon.

The next words you spoke came out in a flat and careful tone.

“You know what,” you said blinking. “I think we could use a little vacation. Don’t you, honey?”

You didn’t actually give him a chance to answer, meaning you had already made up your mind. Based on the twitch he saw in the corner of your eye before you headed upstairs, Kakashi thought that was probably a good idea.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

The words rolled off your tongue with more bite than you had intended, but in truth it was completely justified.

“Well, you see miss,” the older gentlemen standing in front of you blubbered. He tried to remain calm and polite while he explained, but the rage radiating from the other side of the counter (from you) caused a bead of sweat to roll past his brow. “A customer reserved all of the rooms in the facility for a large party-“

“I RESERVED A ROOM!” you spat in response, before he could finish. The man’s knees buckled a little.

After the incident at the tea shop and the uncomfortable encounter with Pakkun (and you striking out yet again with your boyfriend), you had decided you needed some time away. Well, as away as you could get. Unfortunately, due to both Kakashi’s and your busy work schedule, the most time you could spare was an overnight trip at the village hot springs. Still, you were looking forward to this. No distractions. No book (although you had already read the next chapter and were well aware that the goal was to make him relax which just so happened to be your goal as well). No kids or dogs or paperwork. And absolutely no way for Kakashi to plan anything that could get in the way of your sexy time together. You still weren’t quite sure what his role in all of this was, but you weren’t too worried about it at this moment either.

No, now you were more concerned with the fact that the stupid establishment had not lost your reservation for a private room and bath, but rather, had completely disregarded it for a higher paying customer without even informing you. Why couldn’t anything go right this week?!

You let out a deep sigh and between grit teeth said, “What terrible customer service. Who would need to rent out this whole place anyways?”

You were really just talking out loud at this point. You weren’t looking for an answer, though you knew your words were still harsh and accusatory. You noticed the shop keeper’s eyes trail cautiously up and over to meet the gaze of Kakashi, who was standing behind you, staying calm and patient as ever.

“Well…” the man stuttered but didn’t get to finish. He startled suddenly and returned his gaze to you when you slammed an open palm onto the counter in front of him.

“EYES OVER HERE, MISTER. Don’t look at him like he’s going to help you! Do you think I’m being too loud? Think my emotions are getting the best of me? Would you rather deal with the crazy lady’s husband? Are you hoping he’ll tell me to calm down?!” You were practically foaming at the mouth now. Kakashi remained unphased by most of it, though he did perk up a little when you remarked him as your husband. The shop owner continued to shake from head to toe.

“I’m the customer, got it? I’m the one you pissed off, and I don’t care what you have to do to make this right, but you are going to find a way to make it right!”

The man’s eyes once again flashed nervously from you to Kakashi, then back to you, then back to Kakashi.

The silver haired man had taken quite a relaxed stance behind you. Your small overnight bag was slung casually over his shoulder and his hands were resting easily in his pockets. When the man behind the counter gulped, begging Kakashi for any type of mercy, the shinobi only gave a small smile and said, “If you could, please?” Like he was implying you had actually meant to be so polite yourself.

The shop keeper tried to stand straight but continued shaking and said, “I will do my best. Please excuse me for one moment.” He then slipped down the hall leaving you and Kakashi alone in the lobby. The only sound was that of your foot tapping the floor in an irritated fashion. You only stilled when you felt two strong arms snake lovingly over your shoulders and a warm, strong chest press against your back.

“Your nose is turning pink. It does that when you start to get a little feisty~” Kakashi cooed into your ear. You could feel hot breath tickle the nape of your neck even through his mask.

You let out another sigh and leaned back into him, nestling into his hold like he was a large, soft, duvet blanket. You quickly noted this was the first bit of affection he had really given you since you had stumbled home from your meeting with Tsunade. It seemed he took pity on you when the mess you were in wasn’t entirely your own fault. Kakashi’s chin came to rest comfortably on your own head, and you brought your hands up to hook onto his arms, pulling him even closer to you.

“Well yeah, I’m pissed,” you huffed. “They could have at least notified us, don’t you think?”

Kakashi let out a small chuckle. “Us meaning, the crazy lady and her husband?”

Your scrappy-cat persona quickly dissipated, and you felt a blush instantly creep across your cheeks. It hadn’t really resonated with you yet that you had said that. It had been an accident of course, but one that had come out so naturally. Huh. Your mind stayed locked onto that thought for a moment. It felt natural to refer to Kakashi as… your husband.

“O-oh, yeah. Well, yeah,” you finally stuttered out awkwardly. “You know they always take married people more seriously at places like this.”

Kakashi grinned. “I see,” he said. “Well for the record,” -he placed a quick but thoughtful kiss on the top of your head- “I didn’t mind.”

You felt your heart jump into your throat. Kakashi didn’t mind being called your husband? You supposed it was the natural next step, but the two of you had never talked about it before and, honestly, you had been so caught up with work before Jiraiya showed up a week ago with the book that “the next step” hadn’t even been on your radar. Still, the thought of taking that next step with Kakashi, with your best friend, made the blush on your cheeks grow even darker.

Then, you suddenly remembered why you were there, standing in the lobby of the village hot springs in the first place and you quickly shook any thought of next steps out of your head. There was some sorting out you’d have to do before you signed yourself up to marry this sneaky ninja (even though your heart was still fluttering imagining it). Besides, your one and only goal for tonight was to relax and take a break from steps and plans and whatever else was going on in your life. Of course, that would be a lot easier if they had actually observed your reservation.

“Yeah well, husband of a crazy lady or not, it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting our vacation after all. Unless they can produce a miracle,” you sighed. “What large party could have rented out this place anyways?”

Speak of the devil and he doth appear. As if she were summoned, you suddenly heard the very familiar (loud) laugh of your long-time friend echo from down the hall. Not a moment later, you heard your name being screamed in pure delight.

With wide eyes, you stared down the hall back at your friend. “Anko, what are you doing here?”

She ignored your question. “There you two are! I was wondering if you guys were going to make it!” she cried.

You noticed a slight unsteadiness to her tone of voice that was made more obvious when she came to stand next to you, pulling you out of Kakashi’s grip and throwing an arm sloppily over your shoulder. “We are going to have so much fun tonight. Just like old times, right (Y/n)?”

Yup. She was drunk. You gave Kakashi a questioning look, but when he only shrugged, you turned back to Anko, now supporting almost all of her weight on your shoulders.

“What are you talking about? Is something going on?” you asked.

The girl looked at you like you had six heads, or like maybe she thought you were joking. You quickly decided that must have been the case, because she let out a loud, carefree laugh a moment later.

“Come on, I’ll show you the room,” she said. She pulled her arm from your shoulders and slipped her hand into yours to lead the way, completely ignoring the other questions and protests you had begun to stutter out.

She was just about to drag you down the long hallway she had come from when the shop owner returned behind the counter looking like he was going to throw up.

“I’m very sorry ma’am but it seems there’s nothing-“

“Hey, grandpa! Bring another round of drinks to the back room when you get a chance!” Anko stated loudly, cutting him off.

The man paused for a moment and then looked to you with an open mouth. “Uh.. ma’am?” he asked, clearly confused and tired and stressed.

You didn’t get a chance to respond because Anko was once again pulling excitedly at your arm and dragging you down the hall.

From behind you, you heard Kakashi say, “Looks like something’s worked out for us. Thanks!”

Well, you were glad one of you sounded confident because you had a gut feeling you were about to have a very different night than expected.

Your friend led you down the hall, out through a small garden, and into a large private room in one of the buildings towards the back of the springs’ property. It was clear that the room was typically divided into two but had been opened up for this rather large gathering. When you entered the party, you just about fainted.

Nearly every leaf village jonin and chunin that you knew (and a few that you didn’t) were lounging about the room, sipping drinks from small glasses and chatting with one another around tables or in corners of the room. The space was huge and there were large doors in the back half of if that were opened up to a private garden area as well. You noticed several more people hanging out there and on the porch.

“What the hell…” you mumbled as Anko dragged you through the crowds. “Jeez, what if someone robs a bank or something?”

Anko laughed beside you. Honestly, you were only half joking. From what you could tell, a third of the villages best shinobi were in this room and most of them were drunk. That would certainly make things easier on the bad guys if the village did happen to be attacked tonight.

“Aah, you worry too much, (Y/n)! We all got permission to take the night off and decided to spend it together,” she said. “You sure are lucky I’m here. Who else would be able to pull that stick out of your ass?”

Your face fell into a scowl when you heard Kakashi snort from behind you.

You didn’t get a chance to fire off any sassy responses because you had been pulled through the large gathering and had arrived at a hallway full of doors. Anko pointed to a door on your right and said, “We’ll be staying here tonight, (Y/n). With some of the other girls.” She then pointed to a door on the left side of the hallway. “Over there is one of the men’s rooms. You can put your stuff in there, Kakashi. I’m sure there’s still plenty of beds left.”

Kakashi gave a nod and told Anko thank-you before passing you your bag and slipping into the room. His Type-B, go-with-the-flow side was really showing right now, as he seemed completely okay with the entire situation. You, however, were still confused about what exactly was happening.

“So, why is there a party tonight?” you asked Anko as you picked out a bedroll in the girl’s room and quickly ran a hairbrush through your locks (you weren’t exactly dressed for a party).

“I swear, you academy kids never stop working,” she chuckled. “Iruka was just as uncomfortable taking the night off. Well, until we got a few drinks in him.”

You felt your heart go out in sympathy to the man. You had a feeling that would be your fate in just a few minutes as well.

“You don’t always need a big reason to have fun. Besides, how stupid would you have to be to turn down a free vacation?” she said. You were just about to ask her what she meant when she piped up again excitedly. “Now come on. I bet that old man is back with more drinks already!”

After more than a few drinks with the large group and lots of socializing and surface level conversation with old colleagues, Anko pulled you away to finally indulge in the hot spring water. The baths were separated by gender so the only people in the bath with you were a few other girls Anko had dragged along too. From your perspective, this seemed like a great opportunity to start winding down. Maybe you’d even get to enjoy a nighttime walk through the garden with your boyfriend (who had been roped into some type of competitive game with Guy and a few other jonin). You weren’t going to hold your breath though, because it was clear that, according to Anko, the party had only just begun.

“Man (Y/n), you’re REALLY bad at this,” your friend laughed as she poured another shot of whiskey into your cup.

She was referring to a drinking game of sorts she had forced you to participate in within minutes of getting into the bath. Of course you were bad at it, you never did this sort of stuff even when you were a little younger and partied a little more. Unfortunately for you though, the worse you were at this the more you had to drink and the harder it got.

“Hey, give her a break,” one of the girls you were playing with said. She was a chunin that Anko had always invited out with you when you went out in the past. “I’m just happy she’s here and not digging through old scrolls at the academy. I feel like we haven’t seen you in forever, (Y/n)!” she said.

Another girl sitting by you in the water laughed. “Some of us saw a lot of her the other day!”

Even in your alcohol-clouded mind you knew that she was referring to the incident in your kitchen, and a deep blush creeped across your cheeks. Since everyone else in your little group seemed amused by this, you figured it was safe to assume that they had all heard about it.

Anko let out a loud cackle. “Oh my gosh, I forgot about that!” she hollered. “Did that have anything to do with whatever mischief you think Kakashi’s up to?”

Your face immediately fell into a scowl as the girls around you erupted with sounds of curiosity, clearly excited to hear the most recent gossip in your life. You shot Anko a disapproving look and she stuck her tongue out at you playfully.

“Not really…” you started hesitantly, but then said, “Well yeah. Maybe?”

You weren’t really sure what the right answer was. Technically, at that point you hadn’t been aware that Kakashi knew you were up to something, but also, walking naked into a kitchen full of leaf village shinobi was definitely in direct correlation with the mischief Anko was referring to.

The girls in the group clearly weren’t satisfied with your answer and immediately began digging for detail.

“Wait what’s going on with you two? Is it bad?”

“Are you going to break up?”

“Do you think he’s talking to someone else?”

“It’s that he’s not meeting your needs, isn’t it? Damn it, I knew it was impossible for a man to be that attractive and good in bed. They can’t have it all.”

Your eyes narrowed and you couldn’t stop your brow from twitching as they continued to talk. You should have been expecting as much, you always knew your friends were a bunch of nosy birds.

“Shut up, all of you.” Anko’s voice cut through the group easily, though it wasn’t very loud. The chattering quickly stopped and Anko turned to you. “(Y/n), you don’t really think it’s anything serious, do you?”

“No,” you said. You found yourself surprised that you didn’t have to think about it for very long. “I just know it’s something. He’s been… avoidant,” you tried to explain.

The other girls’ eyes widened in surprise while Anko’s narrowed knowingly.

“Hold on, (Y/n),” she started seriously. “I may not know everything going on here, but I know you, and if you’re stumbling into your kitchen naked on a Tuesday then it means you’re up to something too!”

Your current level of intoxication made it impossible for you to suppress an expression of shock at her accusation.

“See, I’m right aren’t I!?” she exclaimed with a bit of a laugh. “I don’t know what you’re so surprised about then. If you start playing games, that smug bastard is definitely the kind to play right along with you and win. What else did you expect?”

Your friend looked at you like she was maybe expecting some type of answer, but you didn’t have the words. You were floored by her observations and even more floored by the fact that she was right. You should have known better going into all of this. Unable to come up with any sort of response, you lowered half of your flushed face into the water and began blowing bubbles in frustration.

Anko chuckled a little. “Look, I’m not an expert on love or anything,” she said.

“Definitely not.” One of the girls cut in, causing the others to laugh. Anko seemed to ignore this though, because she continued on.

“But seeing as I was the one who set you guys up in the first place-“

You inhaled some of the bath water in a small snort, because that was about as far from the truth as you could get.

“I think my opinion carries a little weight,” she said confidently, despite your little noise. “It sounds to me like you should just talk to him, you know?”

You sat with this thought for a moment. It seemed so obvious and yet, you had been so stuck in your thoughts and wrapped up in this competition that you had created that the idea of actually talking about your worries with him hadn’t even occurred to you. Besides, laying all your fears and deep feelings out on the table for someone else to see -even your boyfriend who you trusted and cared for- was terrifying. Of course Jiraiya’s book appeared as the safer option.

After another moment (and when the impatient stares of your friends became too much) you raised your head out of the water and looked to Anko with determined eyes.

“You’re right,” you said with a clear hint of liquid confidence. “I like him a lot and I should tell him that, not test him on it.”

One of the girls to your right giggled and grabbed your arm, causing you to almost spill your drink in the bathwater.

“You mean you loooove him~” she teased, her eyes practically in hearts.

The other girls giggled too, but your soft voice cut through their laughter causing them to still for a moment.

“I do,” you said, purely and genuinely. “I actually think I could spend the rest of my life with him…”

There was a moment of silence immediately followed by the sounds of squeals and giggles. Sure, they could be nosy, but you were very glad for your friends. Suddenly the conversation became jokes about planning the wedding and you couldn’t help the smile that stayed on your face. You hoped maybe one day they wouldn’t just be jokes.

“Hold on, where are you going (Y/n)? We’re about to start another round!”

Your stomach flipped at the thought of taking even another sip of alcohol, so you waved to your friend softly and continued heading for the door of your room.

“I just need a little fresh air,” you explained in a slur before slipping out into the garden. The night air was chilly -it had to be just past midnight- and the yukata you were wearing did little to protect you from the evening breeze. You found yourself shivering just a little as you stepped through the garden, following the stone path. Still, it was a nice break from all the noise you had found yourself wrapped up in this evening; it was making your head spin and you were starting to feel just a little dizzy.

From what you could see, the garden was empty. It seemed that everyone had either retreated to the baths or to their rooms for the night (you could hear the partying continue behind closed doors as you walked).

You tip-toed through the grounds humming to yourself. The sky was a little too cloudy for many stars, but thankfully the garden flowers were still newly in bloom and captivating to look at. The fresh spring air helped to sooth your mind a little, which was still heavy from the alcohol and clouded with thoughts of love; it made you blush. Well, maybe that was the alcohol. Unfortunately, the air didn’t do much to help your vision that was significantly blurry and seemed to be getting worse. So when you missed a stepping stone near the koi pond, you thought you were going down for sure, but a steady hand grabbed hold of your wrist, saving you from an unwanted swim.

“You know, they do have real baths here?” your savior hummed as he pulled you to your feet and wrapped a strong arm around your waist. “One’s without fish?” he joked.

Relieved for the familiar presence (and that you weren’t soaked with koi pond water), you snuggled into Kakashi’s chest with a sheepish giggle. “I think it’s the bathwater’s fault that I almost went in,” you whined. “Did you know drinking alcohol in a bath can make you more intoxicated than usual?!”

You looked up at him, (e/c) eyes sparkling innocently and he chuckled.

“So it would seem.” He lifted a gentle hand to brush a strand of hair from your forehead. When his thumb grazed your cheek, you leaned into his touch with a smile.

“What are you doing out here anyways?” you asked. His hand traced the line of your jaw softly, and your cheeks grew even hotter.

“Oh well, I had a vision that a beautiful woman was going to tumble into the koi pond and be cursed to become a fish. I figured if I was here to save her, she might be willing to accompany me for a walk this evening,” he explained.

You snorted. “Do you really think that would work?”

Your laughter quieted as he leaned in closer to you. Your eyes locked in on his playful gaze.

“It’s how I got you,” he purred confidently.

You felt your knees weaken at the sound of his low voice. The alcohol still in your system made you that much weaker in his grasp, and you couldn’t stop the soft yearning mewl that escaped your lips.

Kakashi laughed again and looped your arm through his. “Shall we then?” he asked before leading you down the garden path. You followed eagerly but balanced most of your weight on his arm so that you would not trip again.

As you walked through the gardens with Kakashi at your side, your mind began to wander back to the events of the week, of the day, and just a few hours before in the bath with your friends. Your head was still heavy and your thoughts were still fuzzy, but there was no denying the way your heart beat a little faster now that you were standing next to him. You were getting your midnight stroll with your boyfriend after all! But still, you also knew some of the fuzzy feelings were due to how confused you were about everything going on.

Anko’s advice suddenly cut through your racing thoughts.

It sounds to me like you should just talk to him, you know?

Yes, she was right. So better to not overthink it and just say the first thing that came to mind.

“Kakashi, would you still love me if I were a fish?”

You had never seen such a look of pure confusion on your boyfriend’s face.

“What was that?” he asked, his genuine surprise showing in his wide eye.

“I love you,” you said so fast and deliberately it was almost aggressive. This seemed to confuse him even more.

“I love you too, but-“

“But would you still love me if I were a fish?” Your words were direct, and your tone was short.

You had both stopped walking now and there was an awkward moment of silence before he spoke again, clearly unsure of what the right move was here.

“Are you feeling alright?” he asked calmly, but it wasn’t even a second after he spoke that you piped up again.

“Because I would. I would still love you if you were a fish. That’s how much I love you, Kakashi.”

The words came out in a jumble; it was clear the alcohol in your brain was now talking faster than you were able to keep up with it.

After another thoughtful pause, Kakashi stepped towards you and leaned down with a knowing twinkle in his eye.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to talk about something else?” he asked, smiling a little. “You know, if something’s bothering you, I want you to tell me.”

A small pout formed on your lips at his words. That had after all been what you were trying to do, even though the execution was poor due to alcohol consumption.

“Yes,” you said stubbornly. “And right now, I want to know if you would still love me if I were a fish!”

In a swift movement he pulled your chin upwards with his fingers so your forehead rested against his. His thumb traced the bottom line of your lips, which had slightly parted at his gentle touch.

“Yes,” he stated confidently, his hot breath tickling the soft skin of your own lips. “I would. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

There was an amused tone in his voice and you knew he was teasing you just a little. Still, when his hand moved to cup your cheek you were breathless.

Your eyes never pulled from his and in a slurred tone (either from the alcohol or the way you felt like putty in his hands, you weren’t sure) you said, “Tell me why.”

Kakashi chuckled again, but seemed willing to play along. “Well, I’m assuming the fish is still you, right?” His free hand laced with yours and he pulled your fingers to his face to play with and kiss softly as he thought. “So that would mean it was still smart, and caring, and captivatingly beautiful. Stubborn at times-“

You laughed.

“But driven and determined to reach all of her goals.”

He leaned in again, lips brushing against yours as he said, “And all of the other things that I already love about you.”

He closed the space between you in a gentle, soft kiss. It was short and sweet since his mask still created a barrier between you two, but it was enough to have you leaning into him, hands pressed against his chest affectionately.

When his lips pulled from yours, he asked, “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Mmhmm,” was your only response.

Your eyes were clouded over in a lustful and still drunken haze as you stared up at your boyfriend. You felt happy and everything else felt insignificant. Silly. You had been so worked up over the fact that you and Kakashi had seemingly been growing distant that you hadn’t even stopped to tell him that you loved him and allowed him to tell you the same in return. Yes, everything else that had been weighing down on you this week was now so trivial. All you wanted was to be with him, like you were now, always.

A firm hand came to rest on your waist and your stomach suddenly and abruptly flipped. Your hazy eyes suddenly cleared and widened at the feeling.

“Um, Kakashi?” you said a little awkwardly.

He didn’t seem to notice your sudden change in demeanor. The fingers that had been resting on your cheek were now tugging playful on the tips of your hair.

“Hm?”

“I think I’m gonna throw-up…”

His fingers stilled in concern (and a little shock at the abrupt change in mood).

“Oh.”

As soon as you awoke the next morning, you began experiencing the consequences of the night before. Honestly though, you didn’t feel as bad as you had expected and that was probably due the fact that most of what you had drank was now coating an azalea bush in the garden. Also, the water Kakashi had forced you to drink before taking you back to your room for bed seemed to be helping. A little. Thankfully, it did make getting up and packing your bag that much easier. When you were all set, you headed out to the lobby with Anko (who seemed only mildly affected by the events of the night before). She waved goodbye to you and gave you a soft pat on the shoulder before leaving you with your boyfriend. Kakashi seemed to have been waiting for you, though you hoped for not long. He smiled brightly when you came to stand next to him and your heart fluttered a little. You might have been intoxicated, but you didn’t forget everything he had said last night.

“Good morning~” he cooed. “Did you sleep alright?”

You brought a hand to your forehead and sighed. “Yeah, about as well as I could I suppose…” Your stomach suddenly seemed to ache a little. “Sorry it wasn’t the vacation we had been planning on.” You gave him an apologetic look. You did feel bad that he had ended his night holding your hair back, not at all in the way you would have preferred.

He gave you a little wave and a soft smile. “I still had a good time.”

You felt your cheeks warm a little. “Surprisingly, me too” you said, reaching for his hand. When you turned for the exit you suddenly remembered something else.

“Oh! I forgot my toothbrush in the room!”

Kakashi put a hand up before you could dart back down the hall.

“I’ll get it,” he said. You gave a small nod indicating that you’d wait for him. Just after he disappeared down the hall, two other male shinobi appeared in the entrance. You had recognized them from the party.

“Hey. (Y/n)!” one of them greeted, the alcohol from last night clearly still running through his system. “Oh man, what a great time. Exactly the break I needed!”

The man leaned on his friend, who seemed less than excited for the walk home they were about to have. You giggled, telling them you were glad they had fun and sending a sympathetic look to the man acting as a mule for his friend. As they approached the exit, the less-sober man turned and gave a final wave to you.

“Oh, oh! Tell Kakashi thanks for setting this all up. We should do it again sometime!” he said, and they headed out the door.

Your hand stopped mid wave. Your heart stopped mid beat.

Tell Kakashi… thanks?

Not a moment later, Kakashi was waltzing back down the hall towards you with your toothbrush in hand.

“Got it.” He smiled, showing you. You nodded in thanks out of habit, but your mind stayed fixated on the man’s words, even when Kakashi stepped closer to slip the toothbrush into your bag.

Tell Kakashi thanks for setting this all up?

“Ready to go?” Kakashi asked, holding up his arm for you to take.

It felt like your brain had short circuited. With your mind still racing, you wrapped your arm around his robotically and said, “Yep” before heading for the door.

What were you supposed to do now?

Chapter Text

The air in the house was heavy and thick. It felt suffocating, like the humidity of a hot summer’s day. Kakashi seemed to be all but oblivious to it though.

You weren’t really sure what he was working on today considering it was technically another day off and he wasn’t supposed to be doing anything but hanging out with you. But you had told him you weren’t feeling well and wanted to lay down for a little. Which was technically true, but rather than napping you watched him carefully from where you sat on the couch, thoughts spinning with what you wanted to say to him.

Tell Kakashi thanks for setting this all up!

Those eight little words rang in your head over and over. They felt like pins and needles in your skin. You had been thinking all night and all morning about what you wanted to say to him, but all of the sentences sat like lumps in the back of your throat.

You finally pulled your eyes away from him when you felt your fingers growing hot. You hadn’t even realized you had begun to grip the small black book in your hands so tightly.

Honestly, you hadn’t really intended on taking any more of Jiraiya’s writing seriously, but when you saw it in your nightstand this morning while feeling hurt and confused, you grabbed it and brought it downstairs for safety. You did only have a few pages left, and you were feeling stuck. So, you opened it to the last chapter, and read.

My dearest reader, it is with immense pride and tears of joy brimming at the corners of my eyes that I write congratulations to you for becoming a master seductress! You have reached the end of this book, which means you have learned all the lessons I have to give. In our sweet time together, you have learned the strength of sexy words and the art of tantalizing body language. You have explored all of the powers you possess as a young, striking, and bodacious woman with a mission to woo one (or several) very lucky fella(s)! And now my budding pupil, it is up to you to continue to put into practice what I have so earnestly shared with you in these pages, and apply the education you’ve received to thoroughly enjoy your man!

In this final chapter, we will review the lessons covered and discuss how they can be combined to really send a man over the edge in record time, and make him beg for-

“Wait, what?” you stopped, flipping through the next few pages. “No way. That’s it?!” You cried, frantically searching for anything more in the last few paragraphs but finding only review. “No, no, no, no, that can’t be it!”

“Everything okay?” you heard Kakashi call form the kitchen.

You dropped the book into your lap (threw, really) and bit your lip. You wanted to scream, but instead you took a deep inhale, and then let it out while counting to ten. There was really only one thing left to do.

“Bad ending?” Kakashi asked, eyeing the novel in your lap. “Honestly, there’s nothing more disappointing than a bad ending-“

“Kakashi, I want to talk to you about something,” you said firmly and determinedly.

Kakashi paused and then finally hummed a simple, “Go ahead.”

You took another deep breath.

“I know you altered our reservations for the weekend.”

There was a brief moment of heavy silence and then he said, “Uh huh.”

You let out a growl of frustration “You’re not even going to deny it?!”

Kakashi shrugged. “Would you rather me lie about it?”

“No, of course not! I just don’t understand why. Look, I know you’ve felt it too. That recently, it’s felt like we’ve been growing distant. At least, it was starting to feel that way because you were gone so often, and I was working so many early mornings at the academy. But then, you’ve actually been home a lot this week and while I’ve been so happy having you around something has felt… off.”

“Uh huh,” he hummed again.

“I’ve clearly been trying to get your attention all week, and yet I feel like you’ve been avoiding everything I do!” You let out an exasperated huff and crossed your arms. “You’re being mischievous,” you said, more like a pouting child than an angry girlfriend.

This caused Kakashi’s eyes to widen a little.

“I’m sorry, you’re accusing me of being mischievous?”

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously!” you spat.

With a sigh Kakashi stood from his seat at the table and began to saunter towards you. There was a dominant energy radiating from him that you weren’t anticipating, and it sent a shiver up your spine as he approached.

“Interesting,” he said, stopping at the edge of the sofa to stare down at you. He was already taller than you, so from where you were sitting cross-legged and sinking into the cushions, you couldn’t help but feel like meek prey under his gaze.

“I suppose I won’t deny that either; I have done my share of meddling this week. But, really (Y/n)…”

Your name left his throat in a low, husky tone. He leaned down to you and a small gasp escaped your lips as he placed one hand on the back of the sofa, caging you in with his arm. The other fell down to your thigh and slid over your knee softly, fingers dancing playfully along your skin before he reached for the book in your lap.

“More mischievous than taking relationship advice from Master Jiraiya?”

He held the book up to your eye level, and you felt your stomach flip.

“So you did know,” you sighed, a little satisfied, a little embarrassed, and also a little annoyed.

Kakashi settled into the cushion next to you, keeping his arm on the back of the sofa for you to rest your head against.

“Well, you weren’t exactly subtle you know,” he almost laughed.

You let out another groan and dropped your head into your palms. “How long have you known?” you asked. You didn’t really think the answer would matter at this point, but when Kakashi suddenly sputtered a little, clearly uncomfortable and thrown off that you asked, you lifted your face and scowled.

“How long, Kakashi?”

He brought a finger to his chin, trying to give the impression that he really didn’t remember. “Well now, let’s see… Ah, it couldn’t have been… no,” he stumbled, and your cheeks grew hot.

“THE WHOLE TIME?!” you erupted, already knowing the answer that he wouldn’t give you.

“Uh, well,” he coughed awkwardly. “Yes.”

Your head fell back into your hands and you used your palms to muffle a low scream. Also, to keep yourself from headbutting your boyfriend with every ounce of strength you had.

“How did you find out?” you finally mumbled after taking a few deep breaths.

You heard a small chuckle from beside you and felt his hand come to rest on the back of your head. His fingers began to tug at strands of hair playfully.

“What? You really think I wouldn’t know when another man comes into my house offering my girlfriend naughty books?”

You sat up abruptly, eyes wide with realization. “Wait, so that first night you came home…“ you trailed off, your mind putting the pieces together.

“Yup,” Kakashi answered anyways, knowing what you were going to ask.

The first night he came home and fell asleep in your arms (on top of you, honestly), he knew.

Heat pooled in your cheeks again, from anger or embarrassment you weren’t sure.

“Then why’d you let me go on like that?!”

Kakashi’s fingers stilled in your hair and his tone fell a little flat. “I didn’t think you’d take the offer,” he said.

You rolled your eyes and, even though you recognized that your immediate reaction to his words was defensiveness, you grumbled, “Well I didn’t at first-“

“I thought you’d talk to me about it instead.”

There was a hint of disappointment in his tone, and you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

You had become so unsure of yourself and your relationship that you decided to resort to the first bit of advice thrown at you instead of actually talking to your partner about the things you were feeling. In hindsight, it didn’t seem like the right thing to do, but you couldn’t forget how you had felt back when this all started either.

You took a deep breath. “Kakashi, I’m sorry I didn’t come to you first. I should have told you what I was feeling then… so, I’ll try now.” You set your hand gently on the top of his knee. “I was so worried that we were falling apart. I was worried that since we weren’t getting to spend as much time together that- that eventually we’d decide it wasn’t working anymore and-“

You felt a weight in your chest and a sudden lump in your throat.

Kakashi placed his hand on top of yours gently, pulling your fingers up to lace into his.

“And?” he prompted.

You took a breath then said, “…and that you’d ask me to leave.”

This seemed to be what he was expecting you to say because he didn’t look the littlest bit surprised. Instead, he tightened his grip around your fingers and brought your hand up to his lips to kiss through his mask.

“Do you remember what I said the other day?” he finally asked softly.

Your thoughts reeled back before finally landing on something. “That you’d love me even if I were a fish?”

Kakashi stifled a laugh. “Uh no. Well I would but,” -he placed his other hand on your cheek and tilted your head towards him- “I said I didn’t mind being called your husband.”

You felt your heart flutter at the site of his smile, and the loving sparkle in his captivating gaze.

“Kakashi-“ you stumble, heat rising in your chest as he scooted closer to you and leaned in. “Is that really something you want? I mean, do you honestly think about that? About a future with me, with us… forever?”

He pressed his forehead to yours. “I do.”

Like an instinct, your fingers came up and tugged at the fabric covering his cheeks. You pulled it aside, revealing a face you always felt a little smug about knowing only you really got to see. Then you pressed your lips to his.

The kiss was sweet and soft, and something your body all but melted into. Something you had been waiting for, for a long time. When Kakashi pulled away slowly, you found yourself yearning for more.

“I know it won’t always be easy, but working with you is something I want to do,” he said in a passionate tone that only made you crave him more. “I want you to know that you can talk to me about what you’re thinking.” He paused for a moment and then said, “I’m sorry I didn’t do my part to make you feel like you could.”

You could feel in your heart that he meant it, and when his hands fell on your hips and his lips brushed against yours again you felt nothing but loved.

“(Y/n), I want to always be here for you.”

You smiled, his words warming something inside of you that you hadn’t realized had gone cold.

“I love you,” you almost giggled, brushing your thumbs across his soft cheeks that you so rarely got to see. “And I promise, no more mischief.”

Kakashi chuckled and pressed his lips to yours again. A hand on your hip kept you grounded to the cushions as the other came to your shoulder and pushed you flush against the sofa. You let out a small gasp that Kakashi swallowed up in his kiss.

His knees planted themselves at your hips, caging you in beneath him. The hand on your hip found the edges of your shirt and began tugging at it playfully before it found its way up underneath it and to your stomach.

“Well, a little mischief is okay,” Kakashi growled, prompting you to go in for another kiss and this time taking his lower lip between your teeth.

His hand pushed your shirt upwards, revealing bare skin and covered breasts which he began to grab eagerly. You moaned into the kiss, asking him for more and he happily complied. When he gave another tight squeeze, his name fell from your mouth in a breathy gasp and he used the opportunity to move his lips to your neck.

“Kakashi-“ you cooed, satisfied with the way his lips were tracing your jaw line and sucking at the skin of your collarbone. Your hands fell in his hair and on the back of his shirt, tugging and pulling at both in an attempt to bring him closer; to tell him how much you wanted him.

He bit into the nape of your neck in reply, releasing another breathy moan and causing your hips to buck into his like they had a mind of their own.

“Oh~” Kakashi hummed against your skin with a smile. He loved the way his touch could make you squirm.

At the movement of your hips, his hand slid from your breast to the lining of your bottoms. His fingers began to tap and pull, teasing you with the thought of them entering.

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked, sounding sure of himself. “You seem so eager, darling.”

You had to find your voice amongst the breaths and moans that had been spilling from your lips before you could answer.

“I have been waiting all week,” you said trying to muster up a hint of sass but your words were breathless, lost in the little space that was left between the two of you.

Kakashi laughed against you, and the vibration sent shivers up your spine. There was nothing you wanted more than him.

“You know, all you had to do was ask?” He teased, just like the fingers dipping down beyond the elastic of your underwear.

You let out a scoff that, like your words, became lost in a moan. “Heh, you’re not going to make me beg are you?”

“Oh,” Kakashi purred into your chest, his lips now pressed to the skin between your breasts. They traveled up your neck until his lips fell against your ear. “All I said was ‘ask’, but it’s not like I wouldn’t enjoy hearing you moan ‘pretty please~’ for me.”

When his fingers slipped down past the protection of your underwear and towards your sensitive heat, you just about complied. But you bit your lip, producing a deep throaty moan instead.

Kakashi grunted, pleased with your response.

“Should we take this upstairs?” You breathed, beginning to feel impatient and craving his touch all over.

Kakashi gave a devilish smile. “I was thinking we could stay right here actually,” he said and you suddenly became more eager for him. “Your little show in the kitchen the other day was quite inspiring~”

The only thing keeping a blush from rising in your cheeks at yet another reminder of your indecent exposure was the fact that you were already heating up at the way Kakashi’s fingers were exploring the sensitive areas between your legs.

“What was the last step in that silly book?” he asked.

It was becoming harder and harder to speak with the way his palm moved against all of the right spots, causing your body to tremble.

“Hm, to enjoy my man,” you moaned, grabbing at more of his silver locks for stability.

Kakashi pulled from your neck to lock eyes with you.

“Well then,” he said, his tone absolutely feral and his gaze like a hungry lion looking at its dinner.

“I suppose I better make sure you have the best night of your life.”

Chapter Text

10 Days Ago…

Jiraiya had a pretty long to-do list on this particular trip to Konoha. Getting someone to be the guinea pig for his latest work was hardly the most important thing, but was still -selfishly- his top priority.

He hadn’t initially thought of you (actually he had hoped to get someone a little younger, but when he brought it up to the strikingly beautiful waitress at the noodle shop, he was promptly chased out; her father didn’t seem very happy with the offer), but when he caught you sighing repeatedly, bent over your office desk with a book open that you’re eyes weren’t even focused on, he knew that an opportunity had just landed in his lap.

At least, he thought it had, until you so adamantly refused his help this morning. Really, he thought you would have jumped at the offer to improve your sex-life. No matter. He had a feeling you’d be desperate for help soon enough (if the way you were moping about town all day indicated anything). Perhaps you’d come back to him then.

Until that time came though, there was nothing else he could do, and so Jiraiya surrendered himself to the rest of his long and less-exciting list of chores. He headed back in the direction of town with a little drag in his feet, until he felt a heavy presence join him on the path.

“You’re home early.” He gave a knowing smirk, and his pursuer dropped down to walk with him on the trail.

“Master Jiraiya,” Kakashi greeted, falling into step beside the sage. “Always a pleasure seeing you, but might I ask,” -an uncharacteristically possessive glint flashed through Kakshi’s gaze- “what were you doing at my house?”

This was too amusing for Jiraiya. Not a minute ago, he thought he’d have to give up on his new book for the time being, and now, well, opportunity was knocking once again.

“Just a little research is all. Nothing you need to worry yourself with,” Jiraiya hummed, dismissing Kakashi’s serious look with a wave of his hand.

“Right,” Kakashi drawled. Clearly he had no intention of dropping the subject. Instead, he stepped in front of the older ninja, bringing him to a halt. “This… ‘research’, wouldn’t have anything to do with this,” -Kakashi lifted a little black book to eye level- “would it?”

"How to Seduce Your Man in Ten Easy Steps!" by Dr. J. Sann was scribbled across the front.

Jiraya couldn’t help but smile. Kakashi was always an impressive shinobi, but being able to snag the book from him like that- ah, he had such faith in the next generations.

“Kakashi, Kakashi,” Jiraiya cooed. “I should have known I wouldn’t get anything past you. You really do seem to never stop working.”

Kakashi, unamused, shot his elder with a piercing glare that was more of a threat than a warning.

Jiraiya immediately raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, now before you sick the dogs on me,” -a wicked, impish grin wormed its way across the old man’s lips- “What do you say we make this just a little more interesting.”

Present…

When the morning sun finally pushed past your curtains and into your bedroom, you stirred under the covers for a minute or two before finally opening your eyes to the new day. Maybe it was just that it was a very pretty spring morning (no rain in sight), but you thought everything looked just a little bit brighter. A giddy warmth filled your chest as you continued to roll naked in the sheets a few times.

That was probably because your world had been absolutely rocked last night. Not just once, but several times, you had been thoroughly delighted, and pleasured, and devoured by your boyfriend. And it. was. amazing.

The rendezvous had certainly worn you out though, as you slept in later than you usually would even on a day off. Kakashi, who was always an earlier riser than you, had gotten up about an hour ago with clear intentions that there was something he needed to do. You had protested of course, wrapping yourself around his waist and pulling him back into bed with you a few times. When you finally decided you would be nice and let him go, he placed a sweet, tender kiss to your lips and told you to meet him at the tea shop around eleven.

Which happened to be approaching quickly. Kicking the sheets off of your form, you gave a large stretch before heading for the shower and readying yourself for a nice breakfast date that you were very much looking forward to.

You arrived at the tea shop a few minutes early (not that you were really anticipating Kakashi to be on time) and grabbed a table inside. It wasn’t too long after eleven that you saw Kakashi enter the shop and your heart gave a little flutter. You waved him over to the table but as he approached, you suddenly realized he wasn’t alone.

Jiraiya was following close behind him. The flutters in your stomach turned into a nasty flip and you found yourself struggling to find the words you wanted to say as the two of them made it to your reserved space.

“Wait, wh- um, why? Why are you two-” you attempted, but Jiraiya promptly cut you off.

“Are you sure you tried everything from the book?”

His question was so accusatory, it took you a minute to even produce a sound much less respond. Obviously you knew that Kakashi knew you had the book, but you didn’t know Jiraiya knew Kakashi knew, and you certainly hadn’t expected it to come up as conversation at the breakfast table.

“Excuse me?” You finally choked. “What is going on-”

“I can’t believe it didn’t work. I was confident there was enough information for it to be foolproof. Honestly, I thought this was going to be my best book yet!” Jiraiya groaned and took a seat across from you.

You looked to Kakashi for any assistance, really anything at all, even a comforting stare, but he only took the seat beside you and shrugged.

“Now, now, Master Jiraiya,” Kakashi said, in a mocking, comforting tone. “I wouldn’t take it too hard; I like to think I am a particularly tough competitor-”

“I’ll say,” Jiraiya snorted.

“But a competitor who did win nonetheless~”

There was an expectant trill to Kakashi’s words that produced a rather defeated sigh from the older ninja.

“Yes, so it would seem,” Jiraiya said. “Alright, Kakashi...” He pulled a small, bound stack of papers from his robe pocket and set it on the table. He slid it across to Kakashi with two fingers. “Here you go. The only copy to exist of the never before seen, never published, bonus chapters of Icha Icha Paradise. Try not to lose it, please.”

Kakashi was ecstatic.

His eyes sparkled with all the joy and intensity of a hundred happy dogs. His fingers danced around the edges of the pages, like he thought it would break if he touched it. He was practically drooling over it, as if it were the first meal he had after not eating for weeks. He was absolutely enthralled. Not a moment later, Kakashi’s whole head was in the book, his eye dancing across the pages with delighted fervor.

Whatever the opposite of all that was, was you.

As the puzzle pieces of what exactly was going on in front of you began to fit together in your head, a deep, harsh frown painted your lips.

“Hold on, you bet on this? On whether or not you could resist sleeping with me?!”

The only thing keeping you from straight up yelling was the fact that you were in a public place. You thought this was very convenient for the two men sitting with you, and you suddenly realized why exactly they had chosen the tea shop rather than your own house for this little meeting.

“Hm? Oh. Yes,” Kakashi responded flatly, his gaze never tearing from the pages in front of him.

“So it was all planned? All of your meddling was to get this book!? The dogs, and the meeting in our kitchen and,” -you let out an alarmed gasp- “NARUTO?!”

You were particularly mad about that one because not only had he called your face dumb, but you had already been suspicious and, as it turns out, you were right.

“Uuhh, yeah,” Kakashi nodded, his nose still shoved between the binding of the book. “Surprisingly not the t-shirt though. That one was just lucky, but it was probably my favorite-”

“You’re unbelievable!” you seethed. “What about needing to communicate better?!”

Kakashi gave a conflicted, uncomfortable hum. “Well, that was all true too,” he said, “but sweetheart, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Do you honestly expect me to have turned it down?”

“Oh, I’ll be expecting a lot from you over the next few weeks,” you threatened.

Kakashi continued with his novel, unfazed. Your wrath was clearly a problem for his future self, and not for his present self that was gluttonously devouring the new content of his favorite series.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you said, “So you got your trash book, and you got your stupid research,” -you waved a hand at Kakashi and Jiraiya respectively- “Do I get anything out of this?!”

A fair question honestly. It seemed that even though you had all been responsible for a large chunk of the chaos that occurred over the last week, you were really the biggest loser at the table.

Seeming to realize this too, Kakashi flashed you a sympathetic look. “Um… my unyielding love for you and your enchanting body which I hope to be the only man to pleasure, for the rest of your life?” he cooed meekly.

Nope. You were not impressed.

“You just read that from the book didn’t you?”

You knew he did, because Kakashi began to stutter. “Well- I- even so, it’s how I feel,” he finally recovered, clearing his throat.

Ugh. Men.

You were so very tired of being underestimated by them, and were ready to give them a piece of your mind in a language they actually understood.

With a fiery look in your eyes you spoke through grit teeth, “For you, I feel a passion so strong, it burns like a thousand flames and cuts like a thousand knives. It swells under my skin so hot that I think it must be hatred but I know in fact it is a fierce love I will never be able to shake.” The words left a bitterness in the air that grew heavier when you added: “Unfortunately.”

Kakashi and Jiraiya were floored.

“Did you just-” Kakashi started but couldn’t finish due to the sudden rush of blood to both his cheeks and other parts of his body.

Yes, you had just quoted one of the most iconic lines from Icha Icha Violence.

Kakashi really didn’t know it was possible to love a person as much as he loved you.

Breaking the heaviness with a haughty laugh, Jiraiya stood. “This one’s a keeper, Kakashi,” he said, brushing the wrinkles out of his robe. “Well, I’ve put off my other responsibilities for too long now, so sadly I must be going. Thanks for all the help though. I’ll be sure to contact you both if I ever need assistance with my work in the future!”

“Please don’t.”

Your words fell on deaf ears as Jiraiya was already halfway out the door. With a sigh, your head fell into your palm, propped up by an elbow on the table. From the corner of your eyes, you caught Kakashi’s piercing stare.

“What?” you asked, being sure to add a little bite to it because you were still irritated.

“You’re amazing,” he gushed; his eyes were practically the shape of hearts. Clearly he hadn’t quite recovered from your flawless recitation.

The way he looked at you made the heart in your own chest suddenly skip a few beats.

You scoffed and turned away. “Yeah, well you’re a pain,” you sputtered out. You weren't ready to give in yet just because he was being sweet again.

“Oh, really?” Kakashi hummed, suddenly scooting closer to you on the bench. “That’s funny, you didn’t seem to think that last night~”

There were fires cooler than the heat you suddenly felt in your cheeks.

“If I remember, you actually seemed to think I felt quite nice-”

You promptly shoved your hand over his mouth, shushing the sneaky shinobi before any more patrons of the tea shop (besides those sitting directly to your right, it was too late for them) heard.

Kakashi gave a small laugh and took your hand from his mouth, intertwining your fingers in his own.

“You really are amazing though.” He traced tiny circles in your palm with gentle fingers and you almost melted because of how nice it felt. Yeah he was a dummy sometimes, but he was yours.

“You know, it might be crazy to say,” you started, relaxing into Kakashi’s soft touch. “But, I had a lot of fun with you this week. I mean, the t-shirt thing was pretty funny.”

It was true that there were a lot of moments over the past ten days that had caused you some serious anxiety and were far from enjoyable in the moment. But when you looked back, you couldn’t help but laugh at the way everything had played out. Who’d have known that just trying to get your boyfriend to sleep with you would have produced so much chaos and humor? Because of this past week and a half, you actually felt closer to Kakashi than you had before, and now that you had been vulnerable with him in every way, you were truly starting to love him more deeply than you ever thought possible. That alone was worth all of the anxiety and embarrassment.

“Maybe that stupid little book helped after all,” you pondered. Your voice was light and sweet and Kakashi thought it was adorable.

His fingers came to your chin to gently guide your face towards him. Bringing his forehead to rest against yours he hummed, “I love you.”

He closed the space between you with a gentle kiss; one that carried pure love and adoration for you. It made you crave him, the way you craved him last night, and you pulled away instinctively. You were never again going to be the victim of an embarrassing public display of affection.

Still, you smiled and said, “I love you too,” because you did. So, so much.

It was a love you would never be able to shake, and a love that made you want him -and only him- just as he wanted you -and only you- for the rest of your life.

Maybe, just maybe, you’d have to buy a copy of that silly little book when it finally came out. Just in case you ever needed a reminder of how you fell even more deeply in love with your very best friend.

“So, should I tell Master Jiraiya you said the book helped, or-”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”