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Hey, Yoongi-hyung,
I’m finally deciding to write to you. It’s what the therapist told us to do when you were still in the hospital and Tae and Jin were the only ones who thought it was a good idea. But it turns out that everyone ended up doing it anyway. Everyone except me. So I’m writing mine now. The others still have theirs and we’re going to attach them to balloons and then let them go. It was Tae’s idea. He said it would be easier for you to get them that way.
Namjoon wrote a song after you left us but we didn’t officially release it for another year. It was our comeback single and you should have seen the rate it sold at. And we went to the Grammy’s! The Grammy’s, hyung! And we fucking won! Song of the Year! BTS! SONG OF THE YEAR AT THE FUCKING GRAMMY’S! And it was just something Namjoon scribbled down on a napkin at Jin’s restaurant.
Speaking of Jin’s restaurant. He started making this dessert and it was awarded a five-star what-not by some fancy critic or something like that. I’m not surprised because I would gladly trash my diet and gain ten pounds if it meant I could have one scoop of that stuff. And you know that’s saying something. But you’ll never guess what, hyung! It’s called “Suga Cane”.
It was my birthday last week. I’m twenty-six now! I’m not a baby anymore. Every year, I get a little bit more accustomed to not having you belting out “happy birthday” with that falsetto voice of yours that would put Pavarotti to shame. But I still get that feeling of confusion when there are only five presents at the foot of my bed when I wake up rather than six.
Your parents are doing great. One of us visits them at least twice a month to make sure they’re paying the bills and their health is the best that it can be. Holly’s so big now. He’s like fifty pounds and when we brought your stuff back home, he stole your hoodie out of the suitcase and growled at anyone who tried to take it away from him. He still sleeps with it in his bed.
You should see how much we’ve grown. Tae’s singing … Oh my God, hyung, you should hear him. He sounds more like some kind of baritone angel with every passing day. Jungkook’s now the size of a small car and his dancing is insane! I think Hobi’s worried there’s going to be some epic battle to the death for the position of Head of Choreo. But Hobi’s perfected some amazing tricks. He can do a standing back-tuck now! I know, right? He says that he’s going to keep practising even after he enlists. The date’s set for a month’s time and I’m going to miss him like crazy but Jin gets discharged in February and Namjoon comes home in August so I’ve got that to look forward to, I suppose. We go to visit them when we can and they’re doing okay. Jin with a shaved head is a sight to behold, hyung. You would laugh until you cried if you saw him. He still insists that he’s worldwide handsome, though.
But I miss you. Every day, I miss you.
When we got back to Korea, SHINee came to stay with us for a couple of days and they told us that we have to talk about you because it keeps your memory alive. So we did. We spent the whole night just sitting in a circle in the living room, telling stories about you and Jonghyun-hyung. Then we fell asleep listening to the entire LOVE YOURSELF collection.
I’m proud of us, hyung. I’m proud of what we’ve achieved and how far we’ve come. I’m proud to stand up on live TV and say “hey, we are still here”. We are bulletproof, after all.
Namjoon-hyung has decreed that there has to be a mic drop in every song, even if it’s just mimed, because we know that was your favourite ending to any choreo we’ve ever done. And Jin-hyung insisted that ARMY still include your name in the fan chants.
I try to come and see you every time I’m anywhere near Daegu. Hobi insists that we bring flowers because that way he’s “always with you”. It’s in this amazing spot, hyung. Right at the top of a hill with this breath-taking view of the mountains. Jungkook loves taking pictures there. His projects have gotten so good that he was asked to work as a directing assistant on this new drama that Tae’s been cast in. And I wrote the OST. Can you believe that? Your little Chim-Chim wrote a song, hyung!
I think you’d like your headstone. It has an etching of a microphone at the bottom and it literally says “MIN YOONGI, AKA. SUGA”. And you know that song that won us the Grammy? We carved the chorus underneath your name.
We shall find you
In the golden summer garden
Amid the dew-dropped roses
Listening to the stir of wings
With the morning hills behind you
Isn’t it beautiful? Namjoon-hyung really is a genius.
I don’t think any of us are going to write again for a while, hyung. But I don’t want you to think it’s because we’ve forgotten you because that will never, ever, ever happen. Okay? I’ll still smile every time I find a new video of you on YouTube. And I’ll still dance every time one of our songs comes up on my playlist. I have so many memories of you. So, so many, hyung.
And now you are a memory, but you are the best one.
You’re in our hearts forever.
I love you. I miss you.
Jimin
P.S. Namjoon’s song? It’s called “I’m Ready Now”.