Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You’re an idiot,” Mo said, stress straining his voice.

“I’m alive though,” Lee replied, and Mo stared at him. Lee was alive, yes, but barely- his already bumped nose seemed even more crooked, his eyes were both swollen with black rings, and blood splattered his body. Mo’s eyes lingered on fresher patches, barely crusted, and felt his chest swell with anger and unnameable fear. “I’m… alive. You saved me.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you to rot.”

They were parked outside their home, unable to move from their seats after a silent car ride. Mo’s ears rang with every single one of Lee’s pained grunts and Lee just seemed to be fifty miles away, eyes mostly blank and startling whenever Mo moved too suddenly.

“I’m going to take you inside. Are you okay to walk?”

Lee paused, touching his side, and nodded.

“I’m going to carry you inside.”

“I can walk, Mo.” Lee gritted his teeth and fumbled with the car door, squinting and leaning back when Mo was suddenly there. “Did you vault the car?”

“I walked around. You were just fumbling with the door the entire time. You’re disorientated and out of it. I’m carrying you in.” Mo’s tone was final and Lee held out his arms, unable to argue. “Be careful. Lifting you now.”

Mo’s voice softened on the last two sentences, tender and reaching gentle. Lee’s body instinctively jolted away when Mo put his arms around him, but the sound of Mo and his subtle concern was familiar and relaxing.

He smelled of cigarettes and overt deodorant to mask the scent. Axe, or Old Spice, or something else a teenage boy might use to hide the scent of body odor.

“You’ve been smoking,” Lee mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. Would Kaitlyn hugging you be okay?”

“Yeah.”

It seemed a million years before the door swung open and Lee winced away from Kaitlyn’s exclamation. Mo handed him to her after a nod and Kailyn hugged Lee tightly, burying her face in his neck.

“I was so worried! Are you okay? You’re covered in blood, you need to wash off.”

“He needs to rest first,” Mo said.

“Are you kidding me? Lee must be tired of sleeping in his own blood and filth!” Kaitlyn’s voice was relaxing as well, even as her and Mo began arguing. Lee rested against her, tuning out and closing his eyes. She wasn’t as familiar to him as Mo but she had quickly become close to him. They had the same problems and they spent a lot of time working on those problems together. They fell together naturally, like pieces of a puzzle.

“Hey, wake up Lee.” Kaitlyn pushed him away gently, holding his arms to keep him upright. “Mo is going to go help you with showering. You’d like that, right?”

Her eyes glimmered with some mischief, but her expression was too somber for the joke to come through. Lee nodded and Kaitlyn hugged him again, this time more careful to not squeeze him or brush against any bruises.

“You guys are treating me like I’m broken,” Lee said as Mo lead him up the stairs.

“Aren’t you?” Mo had a small smile. Lee scowled.

“The Family wishes they could fucking break me.”

Mo paused at the landing, looking at Lee, then pushed him against the wall and kissed him. It was hard, a far cry from the gentle touches he had received since being pulled from his metal prison, and he grabbed Mo’s face, holding him close.

Mo wasn’t a gentle man. His stubble was rough and his kisses felt like sandpaper on Lee’s cheeks. His fingers were calloused and he never bothered to make sure to be light when holding Lee’s hands. His body was hard and toned and Lee melted against it and clung to it like a lifeline.

Mo would never be a cozy fire to come home to but he was an anchor thrown to sea and in this moment, it was all Lee needed. Mo pulled away, licking his lips, and Lee exhaled slowly.

“You’re hot when you’re defiant. Was that okay?”

“Wish the Family thought the same but, you know,” Lee said in a monotone, and Mo grinned. “And uh, yeah, always.”

“I love you,” he said, pulling Lee back for another quick kiss. “I missed you.” Another. “Never leave again.” Another.

“Wasn’t my choice.” Lee tightened his grip on Mo. “Don’t cry on me, man.”

“I’m not crying.” He wasn’t crying, but he was near it. His eyes glistened and his grin was tight, his face crinkling in places a smile wouldn’t touch. Mo was never the crier of the two and Lee’s heart withered at the sight. “Come on, I’m gonna clean you off.”

“You were the one who stopped walking.”

Mo lead him to the bathroom, running the water while Lee laboriously got undressed. Mo left for a moment- something about getting Lee fresh clothes- and he stared at himself in the mirror. Purple and yellow bruises covered his chest and ribs and Lee traced them with his left hands. His right hand, missing his ring finger, remained firmly behind his back and out of sight. That was one of the few injuries Lee could focus on while in the Family’s custody. He had enough time staring at the poorly bandanged and blackened stump. Instead he looked at the bruises, the cuts, the malnourishment evident in his hollowed cheeks and protruding collarbones. He was among the walking dead at this point, and he shuddered just looking at himself.

He was adjusted to this pain, only acknowledging it when he moved the wrong way and sharp nausea hit him in the throat. It was terrifying to see how many injuries his brain was capable of ignoring after all of these months.

Lee stared himself in the face, wondering if his under-eye bags were where all the buried pain went, when Mo returned and Lee jumped in surprise.

“Just me,” Mo said, voice soft again. “I’m going to undress and help you into the shower.”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Maybe I just want to shower with my boyfriend, ever think of that?” Mo raised his eyebrows and Lee snorted. “You’ve been trapped by the Family for months. Just allow me this.”

Lee nodded and let Mo help him into the shower, staring at the bath products with weary eyes. The setup was familiar except for a few changed out bottles, but the idea of being clean was so foreign that he felt like crying.

This wasn’t a luxury he should be allowed. The thought shoved its way in with no warning and Lee sniffled, more alarmed than agreeing with its contents. Mo rubbed his back, concern flitting across his face before he turned and poured a generous amount of body wash into his hands.

“Turn towards the water while I clean you off,” Mo instructed and Lee listened, closing his eyes. He let the water rinse over him, feeling the drops dance on his bruised skin and cause it to sting while Mo began to rub his back and shoulders. “Temperature okay?”

“Yeah.”

Mo started working down his back and Lee scrubbed at his own face, feeling dried blood underneath his fingers. Dirty. Dirty dirty dirty. He began to claw with his nails, expression scrunching up in frustration, and he opened his eyes only when Mo grabbed his hands and pulled them away from his face.

“Don’t hurt yourself. Save the clawing for my back.”

“Gross.”

“Absolutely.” Mo still held his hands, keeping Lee placed within his arms and against his chest. “Can I let go of your hands?”

“Why do you keep asking me questions like that?” Lee responded instead of answering, looking at his hand in Mo’s. He flexed his fingers and Mo’s hands tightened their grip, squeezing. Lee felt his body relax at the familiar feeling.

“I don’t know what they did to you in there. I don’t know what’s okay anymore.”

Mo’s voice sounded hoarse and Lee felt a lump begin to choke up his throat. Mo turned him to press their foreheads together and Lee finally let his tears go, body shaking as he sobbed against his boyfriend. Mo crushed him in a hug, too much wet skin on wet skin to be comfortable or even vaguely pleasant, but Lee didn’t protest. The uncomfortably tight hug felt like home. Mo was home.

“I don’t want you to have to say what they did to you so instead I’m going to ask and make sure you’re never uncomfortable again. I’ll figure out on my own and I’ll fucking kill them for it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They remained pressed together until Lee stopped shaking, and Mo asked, “can I let go and finish cleaning you?”

“Please.”

Lee turned back to the shower head and Mo got more body wash, crouching and scrubbing his legs. Lee rubbed his arms, ignoring any quiet jokes and comments from Mo in favor of unwinding the bandage on his right hand and holding the fingers under the shower stream. He winced as it stung and began to bleed again, and Mo stood straight.

“Recover that.”

“In my old bandages?”

“No, dumbass. Stand still for a moment.”

Lee nodded and let Mo reach around him to turn off the water. Mo clambered out of the tub, ducking under the sink for the first aid kit, and came back with gauze and a small towel. Lee watched the reddened water at his feet drain while Mo dried off his hand and redid his bandages.

You’re not worth those bandages. Again a harsh thought and he sighed.

“Are you okay?”

“I am now.”

Mo and Lee met eyes as Mo tied off the bandages. Lee wondered what Mo saw in his eyes- a haunted expression? Tears? Probably a mix of the both. Regardless, he seemed frozen in place, unable to drag his gaze away from Lee for a few more moments before nodding.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”