Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I didn’t intend to fall in love. In fact, I fought against it, but I couldn't deny what I felt for him.  I tried but I couldn't.  It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

“Cheers!”

Glasses clinking together, my best friend Joe and I toasted to surviving another week.   We’d both moved to Scotland around the same time - he from America and me from England - and become fast friends.  Sunday mimosa brunches were our weekly tradition, a chance to download, unwind and “gossip about boys” as Joe put it.  All the gossiping about said boys largely fell to Joe, as my love life was currently about as exciting as watching grass grow.

“What about the date with that uni professor?”

“The one that couldn't stop banging on about the Dewey decimal system? Massive fail; I went into a coma part way through the entree”

“Well you’re not gonna get laid with that attitude!”

“Well the he was hardly the ‘I must have you or die!’ type.  Honestly Joe, I’m just over it.  I need to focus on finding a new job anyway.  Now - tell me about your date with the guy from the gym…” 

___

Scrolling through employment websites later that afternoon; I spotted it.

Wanted:

Established landscaping company seeks individual to make an impact!

Great opportunity to show off your design flair, with room for experimentation.

Knowledge of indigenous flora (especially medicinal) essential.

For more information, email: [email protected]

I’d been looking for a new job for months and was near to giving up; nothing felt right. This ad, however, had my immediate attention.  

Whilst completing my Masters in Herbal Medicine I’d been working at a plant nursery; with my education now complete, I was at a bit of loose end.  I loved the medicinal power of herbs, but felt confined in a traditional 9-5 indoor job - a bit like the plants themselves, I came alive with fresh air and sunshine.  At the nursery I was able to grow the little seedlings that could make a real difference in people’s lives; it was good, but not fulfilling enough. What I really wanted was to get out in nature and be able to shape a garden myself.  

Emailing the address for more information, I received a prompt response from an Ian Murray, Business Director at Jardin de James.  Ian explained they were looking for someone with technical plant expertise to help shape their company’s new direction.  ‘Gardening with a purpose’ they called it; instead of outdoor spaces that merely looked nice, they wanted to work with with indigenous flora to enable owners to create something extra in their gardens, be it organic vegetable patches or healing herbs.  The role sounded perfect!  I quickly sent through my resume and soon after was invited for an interview. 

 ___

Legs jiggling under the desk, I smiled and looked across at Ian whose kind brown eyes immediately put me at ease.  After a few standard questions (‘What drew you to the role? What would be the first thing you’d like to accomplish if successful? etc), Ian told me more about the company.  Started two years earlier by his brother-in-law James Fraser, the business had flourished; establishing itself as the freshest and most exciting new landscaping company in Scotland.  It was still primarily a family affair though; James was lead designer, Ian ran the office and some cousins did the manual labour on site.  It sounded like just what I was looking for.

“Well Claire, we’re very impressed with yer credentials and now having met ye I’m convinced yer the right person for the job; will ye accept the position?”

“Oh yes - of course! Thank you!”

Beaming, I jumped out of my chair to shake Ian’s hand and he pulled me into a hug.

“That’s fantastic, welcome to the team!  I do apologise that our company namesake isna here today; he had an appointment to attend with his wife.  Ye’ll be able to meet soon enough; despite doing all the designs for our gardens, he loves to get his hands dirty so ye’ll just as likely find a shovel in his hand as ye would a sketching pencil.”

“Thank you again Ian, I can’t wait to get started!”

 ___

Tink - tink - tink

Joe tapped his spoon against the side of his glass; unnecessary as brunch was just the two of us.

“I’d like to propose a toast to my best friend in the whole wide world - congratulations Lady Jane, I’m so proud of you for landing this new gig!”

“Thanks Jo-Jo! I don’t know if I believe in fate, but something about this just feels right, you know?”

“‘Does it feel like an ‘about to meet a tall, dark and handsome stranger’ kinda right?”

I playfully punched his arm.

“No! The whole company is like five people so unlikely to yield a soulmate”

“Now where’s the fun in that?”

“I presume you mean fun for you?  Anyway, I’m focussing on work right now.  The ‘dream man’ can wait”

“I’m gonna see you in a white meringue dress one day, just you wait!”

I rolled my eyes as we both laughed and ordered another round.

___ 

My first day was three weeks later and I rose early to iron my brand new Jardin de James polo shirt.  Landscaping work meant it was likely to get dirty almost immediately, but I wanted to make a good impression.  I’d yet to meet the eponymous founder, but Ian had told me he’d be there today to help the other lads with some of the heavier work.  

The job was at a large house just outside Glasgow; driving along the street I took in the red leaves of late September, scattered on the ground like the snowflakes that would follow in a few months time. Standing in front of the house near a small lorry piled high with bags of soil, were three men wearing shirts that matched my own.

“Mornin’! Ye must be Claire! Ian didna mention ye were sae bonnie! Are ye single?”

“Haud yer wheesht, Rupert! Hiya Claire, I’m Willie, please ignore this eejit; he isna used to talkin’ to a real live woman is all”

“I take it that means most of the women you talk to are inflatable, then?”

They all looked dumbfounded and there was an awkward beat of silence before they all burst into laugher.

“Aye; ye’ll fit in just fine here, Claire!” said the third man who introduced himself as Angus. “Welcome to the JDJ crew!”

Offering me coffee from a thermos, we chatted whilst warming up. Willie was in his early 20s with sandy coloured hair and a love of heavy metal music.  Rupert and Angus were a bit older, perhaps just shy of 30 and came across like a comedy double act.  Where Angus was stringy, Rupert was portly and they both shared a love of ribald humour.  All thee guys seemed very nice and friendly, but sadly wouldn't be providing anything to add to my Sunday brunch sessions with Joe. Rupert told me he’d been working at Jardin de James since it started, with Willie and Angus joining about six months later.  I asked about the origin of the company name, wondering if James was French.

“Lord no! He's a Scot born and bred, but his wife’s French; well French-Canadian actually. She’s the one who came up with the name” Angus explained.  “And I s’pose ye should be meetin’ himself come to think of it”

“James is already here?”

“Aye, been out the back for an hour or so.  Mental work ethic that one, thinks ye should get a couple hours work in afore ye have a coffee; but us lads canna work til we’ve woken up!”

Shit! I’d been standing here chatting while my new boss was already working? Great start Beauchamp!

Venturing beyond the house, I cast my eyes around the large and untamed garden. I spotted him and froze.  

That's James? Surely not?!

I’d expected a man in his forties, perhaps with crows feet and a receeding hairline.  Instead stood the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Well over six foot with deep russet coloured hair, his skin had the golden glow of a summer spent outdoors. His time behind a desk must’ve been limited; muscular arms and legs radiated strength.  Stood still as a statue, I drank in the sight of him; this was my new boss?!  In the time I’d taken to pause and pick my jaw up off the floor he’d turned around.  Deep blue eyes bore into mine with an intensity that made me feel naked.

“Are ye the sassenach Ian hired?”

Sassenach? No one called me a that unless it was followed by something like ‘yer stealin’ our jobs!’.  Was he angry at me for wasting time? Was I about to be fired before I’d even started? 

I was jolted out of my thought rant by a hand gently placed on my shoulder.

“Are ye ok, lass? Ye look like you’re about to head to the gallows”

Opening my mouth to launch into an apology, I saw his mouth quirked into a half-smile as he held out a hand in greeting. Taking my hand in his large palm, it was warm and calloused and I never wanted to let it go. 

“Verra pleased to meet ye at last, Claire”

The way he said my name made me feel all mellow inside, like I’d just had a shot of whisky.  It sounded ridiculous, but it was as though there was an energy pulsing between us.  

Ugh! Get out of your head and focus - this is your boss!

I looked up, his brows were knit together as he regarded me curiously, making me self-conscious.  I hoped he wasn’t having regrets about Ian hiring me?  Putting on a smile that projected more confidence than I felt, I attempted to get our introduction back on track.

“It’s great to meet you James; thank you so much for this opportunity”

“Please, call me Jamie.  I do hope you’ll be happy with us?”

He paused and I realised he actually meant it as a proper question, not just the empty rhetoric that it usually was.

“Oh, yeah.  I mean yeah, totes…totally”

Are you having a stroke Beauchamp?

 “Great; why don’t we get started then?”

Walking around the garden together, Jamie’s hands made shapes in the air as he talked through plans and designs.  His innate ability to visualise and articulate the space he wanted to create was inspiring and made me excited for what was to come.  After years of study, it finally felt like I was on the precipice of the life I’d dreamed of.  Watching Jamie in his element, I couldn't believe that this new life was going to involve spending each day with him.  Adrenaline coursed through my veins, muscles twitching like I was about to run a 100m race.  First day nerves and everything that was Jamie threatened to overwhelm me.  I was probably grinning like a fool but I couldn't help myself, even the sound of his voice was intoxicating.  Watching his mouth curl into a smile, I wondered what his lips would feel like against mine? 

In typical Scottish fashion, the sun had been absent much of the morning and only now finally decided to break through the clouds.  There was a bright gleam when light caught the gold ring Jamie wore on the third finger of his left hand.  His wedding ring.  My breath hitched - what was I doing?  Mooning over my married boss my first day on the job was career suicide.  This feeling I was allowing to bloom needed to stop before it was too late.

If only I’d taken my own advice.

Chapter Text

My first week at Jardin de James was exhausting but I’d loved every minute of it.   We’d created a magical space for the owner and despite still having a lot to learn, I was excited to see words and ideas transformed into a tranquil oasis in such a short amount of time.  The long days were filled with crouching in flowerbeds, hauling pots, pruning shrubs and planting all kinds of greenery.  It left my poor muscles crying out in protest and by home time Friday all I wanted to do was collapse into bed.  Deciding that calling it a night at 7pm was too old lady, even for me, I opted for a relaxing bath with geranium oil and scented candles; bliss.

Soaking my aching limbs in the tub, I reflected on the week.  Rupert, Angus and Willie were lots of fun and always made an effort to include me in conversations; even if I couldn’t add much to the debate over who’d defeat reigning premiers Kingussie in the shinty league.  Ian had been out on site a couple of times, always with a smile.  On my second day he’d eagerly sought me out to ask if I could recommend anything to help with his wife’s morning sickness.  Ian was married to Jamie’s sister Jenny, who worked as a lawyer.  “With the way she loves to argue, I always tell her she’s over-qualified” he’d said with a chuckle.  Jenny was also apparently quite stubborn (a Fraser family trait, according to Ian), so despite being doubled over the toilet several times a day she’d refused to cut back on her workload.  Ian seemed very grateful for anything that might help ease her suffering and then with a wink asked: “Do ye ken any herbs to stop someone being an obstinate mule?”

And then of course there was Jamie.  I swirled the bathwater around with my fingers, trying to put my thoughts about him into some semblance of order.  In all honesty, it hadn’t gone very well…in that it had gone far too well.  Jamie had been helpful and considerate, taking time to explain his designs to me and showing real enthusiasm for any suggestions I’d made.  Funny and intelligent, his passion for nature was contagious.  I’d never met anyone like him and felt drawn like a moth to a flame.

My mind drifted to earlier in the day when Jamie had carried a large bag of soil across the lawn.  Lifting it as though it weighed no more than a feather,  I wondered if he’d be able to carry me as easily? I pictured his strong arms picking me up and pulling me close, my legs wrapping around his hips.  Sighing, I felt irritated at how quickly my thoughts were running away with impossible fantasies.  I should have stuck to lab work, that way everyone would've been in shapeless white coats instead of tight shorts and a t-shirt that did nothing to disguise taught muscles beneath.

BEEP BEEP! The loud noise from my phone echoed across the tiles and I jolted upright, sloshing water all over the bathroom floor.  I’d messaged Joe after work and assumed this’d be his return text to inform me that an evening at home watching Midsomer Murders was putting me on the fast track to spinsterhood.

James Fraser: Great work this week Sassenach, so glad to have you on the team!

Not a text from Joe then.  A smile spread across my face before I even realised I was doing it; I guess the nickname Sassenach had stuck. 

What had prompted his text? Did it mean anything that he was thinking of me at eight o’clock on a Friday night?  

Despite the warmth of the water, I shivered imagining Jamie knowing I was naked while reading his message.  Thoughts popped into my head unbidden; soft lips pressing kisses into my neck as his work-roughened hands caressed my skin, the width of his palms spanning my waist.  As though his phantom touch were real, my back arched up out of the water, my nipples immediately hardening in the comparatively cool air.  Was it wrong to be thinking like this? Surely a small crush was relatively harmless; its not like it’d ever go any further than that... The reality of the situation nagged at me though.

This is supposed to be serious work; not a summer job at Starbucks…

I needed to think about this rationally; aside from Jamie being my employer, he was also completely out of my league and married.  Married!  Reading something more into a friendly after-work text was not a sane path to start down. 

Placing my phone back on the bathroom counter I slipped down in the tub, submerging my head in the fragrant water.  The only sound was my heartbeat, the relative silence allowing me to centre my mind and refocus.  

You already love this job; don't fuck it up just because of some half-baked fantasy that’s never going to happen.

___

My second week at Jardin de James began in the office.  When not working onsite the team was based out of a building a few miles south of Glasgow city centre.  Warm and inviting with lots of natural light, there was a meeting room, kitchen and a large central space where everyone had their own dark wood polished desk.  As I was new, my desk didn’t have the usual plants, photos and other assortments that everyone else’s did.  Angus decided to tease me about it, informing me that there were no pictures because I “had no friends.”

“Dinna fash Claire, I have a very tasteful picture of myself in the nude that I’d be happy to give ye”

“That’s a very kind offer Angus, but if I accepted what would Rupert have to decorate his desk with?”

“Hey! Leave me outta this!” yelled Rupert, lobbing a wadded up ball of paper at Angus’ head.

“Are we hard at work? Or hardly working?”  Ian popped his head out from the meeting room, causing muttered apologies from Angus and Rupert who returned to their desks and resumed their invoicing.  Ian caught my eye with a wink and I smiled back at him.

Moments later, the office front door opened and a woman in a tweed suit with silver hair entered carrying a huge picnic basket.

“Mrs Crook!”

Willie, Rupert and Angus were up out of their desks like jack-in-the-boxes, one of them helping with the basket while the other two tried to lift the cloth to reveal its contents.

“Away wi’ ye, ye wee fiends, yer as bad the dogs lookin’ for bones!”

Just like a litter of puppies, the three boys followed the lady into the kitchen.  Laughing and shaking my head in disbelief, I asked Ian what I’d just seen.

“That’s Mrs Crook, she comes in three times a week with mornin’ tea and does some cleaning”

“You have a lady come in just to bring snacks and clean up?”

“Och, we’re not so lazy as that!  Mrs Crook used to be the housekeeper at Lallybroch - that’s Jamie and Jenny’s family home - but she’s nearing eighty now and taking care of a house that big got a bit much for her.  She was a bit lost without people to take care of, so Jamie offered her a job here.  Gives her a bit of purpose and not gonna lie; she makes a mean raspberry scone!”

The scones were indeed delicious, but what intrigued me more was that Jamie had given a job to his former housekeeper because it was important to her to feel useful.  Most young men starting their own business wouldn't have the time or wherewithal to consider doing what he’d done, but as I was learning, Jamie wasn’t most young men.

___

It rained much of the week so it was just as well we weren't out on site. Time in the office was pretty informal and gave me a chance to get to know everyone a bit better.  Like the way Willie took command of the radio each morning, seeing how many Guns ‘n’ Roses songs he could get through before someone threatened to throttle him with the power cord. I spent my days designing different combinations of herbs and vegetables that would fit the ‘Gardening with a Purpose’ concept.  I felt a small thrill thinking of my ideas one day holding an important place in someone’s home. Towards the end of the week — and with a few first-time nerves — I presented my plans to Ian and Jamie.

“I thought we could offer packaged options, but customised for each owner. Some of the ones I’ve put together so far are: 

 - Easy to grow cooking herbs 

 - Medicinal plants and; 

 - A design with plants with bigger leaves and brighter flowers to help children learn about growing a garden”

Jamie and Ian looked over my sketches, smiling as they made eye contact with one another.  

“These are brilliant, Sassenach. I knew I made a wise decision hiring ye”

“Ahem; I think ye’ll find that was my wise decision, thank ye James! But he's right Claire, these are fantastic.  My son, wee Jamie is three and I love the sound of something that can help him learn about the garden rather than just destroying it!”

I beamed with pride. 

“We’re so lucky to have ye here Sassenach.  It isna easy to come into an established team, especially this lot.  I’m verra impressed”

As he spoke, Jamie placed a hand on my forearm, squeezing gently.  The direct gaze that accompanied it made the heat rise in my cheeks.

“Oh, well.. it’s nothing really.  Just happy to help”

Back at my desk, I felt giddy; both from Jamie’s praise and the sensation of his skin coming into contact with mine.  Without thinking I ran my fingers over the spot he’d touched; my breath coming short recalling the warmth of his palm.  And the way he’d looked at me? There was such sincerity in those deep blue eyes.  

Shit! I hope I didn’t just sigh out loud?!

Trying for a subtlety, I chanced a glance at his desk.  He’d donned a pair of black-framed glasses, a look of fierce concentration on his face as he sketched.

Fuck, you look sexy.  It’s like you’ve stepped straight off a photoshoot for GQ…

Jamie looked up suddenly, catching me mid-stare. My face flushed but he was smiling, so I smiled back. For about half a minute we just looked at each other, gazes locked like we were the only two people in the room.  A feat in itself as Angus was at that moment loudly doing his ‘Predator’ impersonation; a gagging/clicking sound made from the back of his throat…charming.  Anxiety soon got the better of me and I looked away, pretending to be very interested in my computer screen.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw him running a hand roughly through his hair before rubbing the back of his neck.  I couldn’t be sure but the tips of his ears looked pink, too.

___

For all that I got to know about my co-workers that first week, one person never mentioned was Jamie’s wife. I found out her name was Ann from an overheard comment of Ian’s, but the fact that Jamie never made any reference to her certainly piqued my interest.  He wore his wedding ring so they were clearly together; why no mention of her?

What must she be like? Blonde? Brunette? Skinny? Voluptuous? With Jamie’s love of nature being such an intrinsic part of him, I assumed an outdoorsy type, someone that didn’t mind getting dirty pitching a tent or fishing in a stream.  Did they hike up into the hills together carrying a pack filled with wine and cheese? Gaze down on the scenery below, fingers entwined?

By the end of the week, my desire for info got the better of me; I’d seen photo frames on Jamie’s desk and ashamedly I stayed back after work to have a snoop around.  I needed to know what she looked like!  There were two pictures on the desk, the first was of a large stone house with smoke curling out its chimneys. Lallybroch?  The second was of Jenny; whom I recognised from the photo on Ian’s desk.  Her hair fell in soft curls like Jamie’s did; but unlike his fiery tones, hers was black as a raven’s wing.  There was no mistaking the family resemblance when it came to their eyes though, slightly slanted like a contended cat and the colour of a field of cornflowers.  A toddler with jam smeared all over his chubby cheeks sat in Jenny’s lap; her and Ian’s son wee Jamie, I presumed.  His soft brown eyes matched his father’s but his cheeky grin was definitely from the Fraser side of the family.  

There were no other pictures on the desk.

It didn’t make sense; Jamie was obviously a family man - he’d employed his brother-in-law, cousins and even his former housekeeper, so why no photos or mentions of his wife?

Was this normal? Didn’t married people have photos of their spouses on their desks?  Maybe he keeps one in the drawer?  

I was checking to see if the drawer was locked when the front door banged open. I almost jumped out of my skin in fright!

“Claire? What are ye still doin’ here?”

“Hi Willie! I err…forgot my umbrella”

“Me too, blowin’ a gale somethin’ fierce out there tonight!”

I said a quick goodbye and rushed out into the street, my heart still a mile a minute as it sunk in just how close I’d come to getting busted rummaging around my boss’ desk. 

What happened to not letting this crush run away with itself Beauchamp?!

Chapter Text

“Another round, please”

The waiter nodded, jotting down my order for a third mimosa.

“Far be in from me to stand in the way of getting sloshed before midday, but is something on your mind LJ?”

I hadn’t mentioned anything about Jamie to Joe yet.  Firstly, after his ‘it’s time you got laid’ spiel, I knew admitting to a crush on my boss would lead to a slew of follow up questions -  and secondly because I'd naively thought my feelings for Jamie would be a short infatuation that’d blow over after a couple of days.  Ha! That clearly hadn’t happened and after my stunt with the photo frames I needed Joe to provide a voice of sanity. 

His initial response was as predicted:

“Awwwww yeahhhh! I knew you’d find your soulmate at this job!  You need to tell me everything! Do you have any photos?”

“Ok, slow down Romeo. Can we drop the whole ‘soulmate’ thing; it’s just a crush…”

Joe raised his eyebrows at me.

“All right fine, a big crush.  But he’s my boss and he’s married!”

“Hold up a minute - the whole point of a crush is to indulge in a little fantasy so before you tell me why this isn't going to work, you at least gotta tell me why he’s so hot!”

“Well if you insist…”

So I told him - about Jamie’s long lean muscles that radiated strength. The way his hair curled in the rain and how he’d bite his bottom lip when deep in concentration. The kindness in his deep blue eyes and the way he made me feel all excited and nervous inside, like a kid that can’t get to sleep on Christmas Eve.

“Look at you, grinning like a Cheshire Cat! I haven't seen you this animated about a guy in… well, ever!”

“I know - so why does he have to be married??”

“Are you sure they’re definitely together?”

“Well he’s wearing a wedding ring so they must be”

“Maybe his wife’s some crazy woman that he keeps stashed in the attic like Mr Rochester in Jane Eyre?”

“Can I just start by saying, great reference- I'm very impressed”

“Thank you, darling” 

“Although, let’s be honest you only agreed to sit through that film with me cos of Michael Fassbender.  But no, Jamie just doesn’t strike me as the wife-stashed-in-the-attic type”

“They never do…”

“Joe!”

“Ok, fine!  But if you want my opinion, I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself.  Yes, there’s over six foot of stunning Highlander in your office, but so what? It’s not a crime to find someone attractive.  Trying to be Nancy Drew? Probably not your finest moment, but you didn’t get caught; so no harm no foul”

“Yeah you’re right.  But what about the wife thing? Why the no mentions?

“Maybe he’s trying to be Mr Professional?  You said this Ian guy talks about his wife, but isn’t she Boss-man’s sister?  So of course he’s gonna talk about her.”

“Hmm…this is true”

“I say enjoy the ride while it lasts.  If I know one thing about you its that you’d never be with someone who didn’t attract you mentally as well as physically.  Jamie will probably turn out to be just your average meathead and once you spend more time with him you’ll be over him in a flash.”

“Yeah you’re right, I’m just getting carried away. Thanks Jo-jo”

___

The next week’s job took us to a rambling house with a garden that looked like it hadn’t been touched since the 1970s.  There was a huge amount of maintenance work needed before we could even begin landscaping so the first few days were spent sawing dead branches, weeding long-neglected beds and clearing overgrown bracken.  An older woman - Mrs McTavish - owned the place, but aside from watching us closely from her back window, she never came out to speak to us.

The design brief had come via her grandson, giving the impression she’d only even agreed to the redesign to appease her family.  We had no reason to doubt this assumption until we got to the huge weeping willow that sat by her back fence.  Overgrown and unkempt, her grandson had asked that we cut it down, citing views of rolling hills that would be made visible with its removal.  Jamie, Willie and Angus secured the bigger branches and Rupert had just fired up the chainsaw when we heard yelling coming from the house.

“Wait! Wait, please!”

Out the back door bolted Mrs McTavish, arms flailing and homespun shawl trailing behind.  By the time she reached us at the back fence, she was a little unsteady on her feet; stepping in close I took her elbow for support.  Unclear on what’d just happened, Angus shrugged his shoulders but signalled for Rupert to shut off the chainsaw.  Sensing the old woman’s distress, Willie approached with caution.

“Are ye all right mistress? Dinna worry about the tree falling on yer house, we have it nice and secured; ye’ll have some bonnie views by the end of today”

“No, no it’s isna that.  Can ye...can ye keep my tree? Please?”

The pleading in her voice was heartbreaking.  Eyes filled with concern, Jamie stepped forward and took charge of the situation.

“Oi lads, why don’t ye take an early lunch and we’ll pick this up again after, aye?”

The three boys nodded, quietly making their way back to the front of the house.  Having caught her breath, Mrs McTavish turned to Jamie and me:

“My late husband, Seamus… he loved that tree.  Was the first thing he planted when we moved in more than fifty years ago.  Can still picture him now, runnin’ out when it were windy to make sure it hadna blown away.  I dinna ken what my grandson has asked ye to do, but please dinna take my tree”

“Mrs McTavish, this is your garden.  This is your tree. We will never do anything that ye dinna want us to.”

The old lady nodded in relief at Jamie’s words.

“Seeing as your husband loved the space so much, how about we do something to make it extra special for ye, so ye can sit out here and remember him when the weather’s fine or look out on it from your window when it’s chilly?”

Mrs McTavish’s face lit up in such a smile that I felt my eyes pricking with tears.

“Thank ye, lad.  That sounds wonderful.”

The rest of the day was spent cutting the old tree back so it was no longer weighed down by dead branches.  Willie and I worked to clear space beneath for some new garden beds while Angus sanded and polished a long-forgotten garden bench from the shed.  Jamie had made a few phone calls before disappearing with Rupert; a few hours later they reappeared, the Jardin de James truck overflowing with dozens and dozens of daffodil plants.

I’d always loved daffodils.  Versatile and hardy, their impact is undoubtedly the bright flowers, ranging from white like a swan’s feathers to the warm yellow of butter.  The fragrance is soft, not overpowering; light, cool, spring-like notes that permeate the air without dominating it.

When creating a garden, normal practice is to plant bulbs or seedlings and let the plants bloom under the care of the owner.  The emotion connected to the space was such that Jamie had gone against the norm and decided to put in flowering plants so Mrs McTavish could enjoy it right away.  It was all hands on deck as we dug up the earth to make new homes for the flowers.  After the majority were planted, the three boys went to finish the front garden, leaving Jamie and I to put the final touches on the willow tree and its new surrounds.  When we were done, the floral carpet before us was stunning.  Seeing them all there beneath the sweeping arms of the willow, words came out of my mouth without conscious thought:

“Beside the lake, beneath the trees, fluttering and dancing in the breeze”

“Sassenach?”

“Oh - ignore me; was just being silly.  Seeing all these beautiful flowers - it made me think of lines from a poem I know.  Probably sounds horribly pretentious of me to be quoting poetry!”

You’ve never quoted poetry in your life Beauchamp, what’s gotten into you?

I turned away, embarrassed.  I hadn’t meant to say those words, but after hearing Mrs McTavish’s plea for us to keep her late husband’s memory, they seemed to fit perfectly.  Feeling a little overcome, I took a deep breath to try and calm myself.  Light as a feather, I felt Jamie’s touch on the small of my back.

“If you’re pretentious then that makes two of us.”

I whirled back around, he was looking at me intently.

“The poem? You know it?”

“Aye, Wordsworth; ‘I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud’. 

A wistful smile on his face, he turned towards the daffodils.

“Tis my favourite poem actually”

“Oh” I replied faintly.

I’ve never met a guy that even knows a poem, let alone has favourite one

Jamie paused, pursing his lips together as though considering his next words carefully.

“I think that’s what I love about nature really; the poetry of it.  Being out here, surrounded by the fresh air, the colours, the silence.  Gives ye time to gather your thoughts and help focus on what’s important”

“Some languages have nine hundred names for ‘God’; feels like in English we could do with a few more to describe ‘nature’; one small word hardly seems enough to encompass the breadth of its meaning.”

“You’re not wrong there, Sassenach.  I’m a simple man, s’pose that’s why I’m drawn to the words of others to describe the beauty I see.”

Jamie’s mouth quirked in a half smile and he rubbed the back of his neck as though he was now the one feeling embarrassed at having said too much.  He might have felt self-conscious but I was in awe, staring wide eyed as I took in all that he was, both inside and out.

He let out a small chuckle.

“Ye know there’s not much occasion for me to be discussing poetry at work normally.  Dinna mean to sound crude, but Rupert’s more likely to wanna talk about tits than Tennyson”

This made me laugh and he smiled back at me. Taking his hand, I squeezed; a gesture that I hoped conveyed: Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me.  Letting go, I turned back to the daffodils, watching as they swayed in the gentle breath of wind that weaved through the garden.  Not speaking any further, we both stood there, the silence of nature swirling all around us.

___

Amidst the flurry of activity in those first weeks at Jardin de James, I hadn’t got around to decorating my office desk.  The shiny wooden surface still only held my computer, coffee cup, and an assortment of pens; very sad compared to the colour and character of everyone else’s. 

 Arriving in the office the day after we finished Mrs McTavish’s garden, I spotted it immediately.  In the middle of my desk, planted in a blue ceramic pot, was a daffodil, golden trumpets in full bloom. 

Where did you come from?

Leaning in, I inhaled the soft fragrance, immediately transported back to beneath the willow tree with Jamie, the memory bringing a smile to my face.  So caught up in my thoughts I almost missed the folded note that’d been tucked carefully between the stems.

     Thought you could use something to brighten up your desk.  

My heart skipped as I read what was written below, fingers tracing over the letters to confirm that what my eyes saw, was indeed really there.   Carefully printed in Jamie’s neat hand were the last two lines of Wordsworth’s poem: 

     And then my heart with pleasure fills, 

     And dances with the daffodils. 

Chapter Text

Ian Murray might have seemed like a mild-mannered husband and father, but beneath the soft brown eyes beat the heart of a fully-fledged caffeine freak.  When the JDJ office first opened, Ian had been horrified to discover his brother-in-law was planning on serving instant coffee and didn’t hold back when it came to making his feelings known.

“A tin of dehydrated crystals isna coffee Jamie! Ye canna run a business in such primitive conditions!”  

Apparently what followed was a twenty minute rant on arabica beans, the outcome of which was Jamie purchasing a whiz-bang £500 coffee machine just to get Ian to shut up.

I now stood in front of said machine, Monday morning tiredness making it look even more daunting. Pressing a button that I hoped meant start, a high pitched whistle blasted out and I jumped back in alarm.

“Ye ken Ian loves that thing more than he does Jenny, so I wouldna recommend breaking it”

Leaning against the kitchen doorway with his arms folded, my russet haired boss watched me in amusement. 

I obviously didn’t see Jamie on weekends, so after two days away from him the butterflies in my stomach (ever present when he was around) were more like dolphins doing backflips in the air.  This morning especially so; with his glasses, a few days worth of stubble and a fitted black t-shirt, he looked sexy as hell. 

Don't squeeze his biceps, don't squeeze his biceps…

“How ‘bout I give ye a hand, aye? Otherwise Ian's likely to come in and offer to teach ye and that'd be three hours of your life ye wouldna get back”

I laughed, then sighed in relief. 

“Ooh yes please, my brain is in dire need of caffeine!”

He grinned and started working the machine; the muscles in his arms flexing as he turned dials and flipped levers with the expertise of a barista. I tried my best to look cool and unaffected but was pretty sure I failed miserably. I was only human after all.

“What did ye get up to on the weekend?”

“Was a pretty quiet one; did a spin class, caught up on some washing”

Spent hours thinking about you…

“I think I've got ye covered in the excitement stakes then; I cleaned out the gutters” 

“Should you be sharing such personal information with me, Jamie?” 

The smirk on my face was now mirrored on his.

“Good point, forget I mentioned the gutters, such a topic isna suitable for the workplace.  I'll change it to reading a book.”

“Uh huh, which one?” 

“Hmm…well something that makes me sound intellectual; obviously.  Let's say Ulysses.” 

“Got it.”

I did a mock-salute and tried for a serious expression, somewhat undermined by my giggling.  The coffee making now complete, Jamie handed me the finished product.

“Thank you!”

“Semi-skimmed latte, that'll be £2.40, please”

He held out his hand as if to take payment. 

“There you go!”

I slapped his open palm with my own. Shocked, Jamie laughed and before I could pull my hand back he captured my fingers with his and squeezed. 

“Ungrateful besom!”

“I haven’t even tried this coffee yet, could be rubbish for all I know!”

Shaking his head at my words, he tugged slightly on my hand before releasing it.  Still smiling I turned to leave, Jamie called after me:

“Oh - while I remember Sassenach, we've got that job up past Loch Lomond tomorrow. Will be a bit of a drive; ye want a lift? We can grab some food on the way if ye like?” 

“Sure, sounds good.” 

Sounds bloody great!

I turned to leave the kitchen before my ear-to-ear grin became too obvious. As I moved towards the door, Willie came in and spotted the latte in my hand.

“Are ye makin’ coffees Jamie? I’ll have one!”

Jamie rolled his eyes, I chuckled and walked out, but could still hear his response:

“Make it yourself ye lazy bones! And dinna be leaving the steamer wi’ milk all over it again or Ian’ll skelp your arse!” 

___

Jamie had said he’d pick me up at 7.00am but I was dressed and ready by half-six.  Leg jiggling up and down, I sat on the couch flipping through TV channels, not seeing any of them.

You're being ridiculous Beauchamp; all this palaver and it’ll probably just be drive-thru McDonalds!

Why was I acting like this was a date? Was I that desperate that I'd morph an offer of a lift from a co-worker into some Hallmark moment? 

‘Co-worker,’ is that what we're calling him now? Don't recall Rupert making your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest?

Shut up brain, did I ask for rational thought right now?

On account of its unpredictable nature, I usually wore my hair in a bun to work, but by the end of the day a few errant curls always managed to slip free. For something a bit different, I'd decided to wear it down today; doing a hair conditioning mask the night before to tame the frizz. Giving up on the TV, I stood in front of my hall mirror, fingers combing through my curls, trying to stop wondering if Jamie liked hair that was a bit wild rather than pin straight.

TOOT-TOOT!  

He's here!

Seeing me coming down my front steps, Jamie waved in greeting; looking far too bright eyed and bushy tailed for this time in the morning.  As I got into the car I noticed two things, first was the smell; Christ it was incredible!  The source of this olfactory bliss was of course Jamie; the cologne he wore combined with his natural scent made me want to press my face to his neck and breathe him in. The second thing was that he’d shaved.  Not that strange I supposed, but Jamie usually sported several days of growth and I wasn’t used to seeing him look so fresh-faced.  There must’ve been some important meeting that he needed to attend later in the day.

“So, ye hungry Sassenach?”

“Always!”

“Excellent, I know just the place”

Jamie didn’t say anything about where we were headed and I didn’t ask, fearing my enthusiasm at spending time together would be over the top if it turned out we were just going to a road-side food van.

Driving along, we chatted about the day’s upcoming job; Jamie seemed his normal happy self but the whole trip his index and middle fingers drummed a tattoo against the steering wheel.   After about half an hour we arrived at the High street of a rather picturesque town and Jamie pulled over, nodding his head in the direction of a café with a bright blue door.  A brass nameplate sat in its centre: Na Cluaran.

Not drive-thru McMuffins then…

“It means The Thistle in Gaelic” Jamie explained, smiling softly.  “I hope ye’ll like it.”

Holding the door of the café open for me, I felt his warm hand on the small of my back as we entered.  Thank god he couldn’t see my face at that moment as it was plastered with an idiotic grin.  A waitress guided us through to an enclosed terrace and stepping out onto it my breath caught in my throat.  The entire outer wall of the building was covered in a majestic display of autumnal foliage.  Leaves in all shades of red, orange and yellow spread across every inch of brick, giving the feeling of being beneath a giant oak tree. In front of the wall was a row of tables facing a floor to ceiling glass window, providing a view of rolling hills. The morning sun filtered through the glass and streamed onto the tables, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.  Open mouthed, I couldn’t stop staring, the place was beautiful.

“Ye like it then?”

“Jamie, it's amazing!”

He smiled modestly but seemed delighted that I was so taken with our location.  Gesturing for me to sit down, he offered me the seat with the leafy wall behind so that I might have the best view of the hills beyond.  Grabbing a menu, as I scanned the options I held it up in front of my face; my idiotic grin was back again.

___

Orders placed, Jamie told me how the wall behind me changed with the seasons; dark evergreens in the winter, budding flowers in the spring through to heather in the late summer.  This time of year was his favourite.

“It’s the light in Autumn that really gets me, aye? The way it mixes with the different tonality of the leaves; even though I know what to expect, every year the season surprises me in ways I never knew possible”

He stopped abruptly, blushing slightly.

“Sorry, I’m probably boring ye to death!”

“Gosh, no not at all! I was just thinking you sound like you’ve a painter’s eye”

“Dinna ken about that, Jenny’s the artist in our family, I’m much better suited to painting the side of a shed than a canvas”

His self-depreciating humour was as endearing as it was surprising for a man as accomplished as Jamie.  I knew I was smiling a lot more than was warranted but I couldn't help it, around him I was like a flower in the morning sun.

By the time our food arrived I was starving!  I’d ordered French toast, Jamie had baked eggs with chorizo.  Both dishes smelled amazing; one bite into mine and I was in heaven.

“Fuck, this is delicious! Oh sorry, excuse my swearing!”

“What about all the swearing ye do on site when ye think no-one’s listening? Gonna apologise for that, too?”

Those damn blue eyes were twinkling with mirth as the blush crept up my cheeks.

“Shut up”

He grinned back at me and continued to demolish his eggs.

It was so easy, being with Jamie like this.  Conversation flowed and time passed quickly; as clichéd as it sounds, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.  I should have wondered if he came here with his wife, whether she was as dazzled by the living wall and the delicious food.  But I didn’t. I pushed all those thoughts away; I wanted this moment as mine to keep.  Mine to think of when I was spending yet another Saturday night alone on the couch watching Great British Bake Off reruns.  It wasn’t sensible or rational, but being with Jamie made me feel reckless, like I could jump of the edge of a cliff with no fear because with him I could fly.

At the front counter waiting to pay, we faced each other as I teased Jamie amount his inability to wink.

“It’s not a wink if you’ve got both eyes closed!”

“Ok, ok, how ‘bout now?”

He leaned forward, his face level with mine and once again winked with both eyes closed.  I snorted with laughter.

“You look like a large red owl”

“How dare ye…”

“Hoot hoot!”

Jamie was trying his best to look annoyed but his shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter.  Suddenly his eyes went wide with concern.  I didn’t have time to ponder why before his strong hands grasped my hips and pulled me to him.  I looked up, confused, but his eyes were elsewhere.  A moment later everything became clear when an almighty crash came from behind me.  A waitress holding far more plates than her arms could carry had lost her grip; crockery smashing all over the café floor.  Up until Jamie’s swift manouevering she’d been on a direct collision course with me.

“Are ye all right, Sassenach? Sorry to grab ye like that…”

“Oh. That’s ok…I mean, thanks Jamie.” 

Pause for awkward cough. 

“I guess it’s all part of workplace health and safety…keep your employees from getting mown down by wayward wait staff?”

Oh God Beauchamp, you need to learn to quit while you’re ahead

“Aye, something like that”

Jamie’s mouth quirked in a half smile and I noticed that his hands were still on my hips, holding me close to him.  My eyes meeting his, there was an expression on his face that I couldn't quite work out.

“Table Eleven? Right, let’s get ye bill sorted then, aye?”

The waiter behind the register snapped me out of my reverie; stepping out of Jamie’s hold, I rummaged in my bag for my wallet.  As I took out a few notes, Jamie stilled my hands with his own.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got this”

“Oh no, you can’t - here take ten quid at least”

“No really its fine; my treat. I picked the place after all. Ye can pick next time…if ye wanted to that is?”

Next time?

I looked down to check if my feet were still the ground because right then I could've sworn I was floating.

Chapter Text

In our years living in Scotland, Joe and I had done a fair bit of the touristy stuff; whisky tastings, a tour of Edinburgh castle, visiting the Kelpies and so on.  All our activities tended to be city-based - Joe’s idea of ‘roughing it’ was somewhere without 24-hour room service; meaning I’d yet to see as much of the countryside as I would've liked. Luckily, the route to the day’s job took us through the Loch Lomond and Trossachs national park and I was enthralled.  The Scottish wilderness is unlike anywhere else in the world; deciduous woodlands, heather-clad moors, Munros peaking out on the horizon - to see it is to want to breathe it in and make it a part of yourself.  Driving past the loch, sunlight reflected off the dark water and large trees grew right down to the shoreline; I couldn't help but smile at the raw beauty of it all. 

As Jamie drove he pointed out several spots where he’d camped; Wild Camping an apparent favourite.  He explained this meant it was off the beaten path, small groups only and limited to whatever one could carry on their back. 

“I’ve lived here all my life and still want to get out and explore.  Do ye like camping, Sassenach?

“I love it! Feel like I practically grew up in a tent; I used to go with my uncle all the time”

“Your uncle was a bit of an outdoorsman, was he?”

“In a way; he was an archeologist.  Devoted his life to scouring the earth and uncovering fragments of the past; maybe that’s where I get my love of digging from?”

His white teeth flashed in a smile.

“Sounds fascinating; I’d love to hear more about it sometime.  To think - all that history sitting in the ground, people walking on top of it for centuries and it was hiding there the whole time”

Jamie’s genuine enthusiasm was very different from the glazed look I usually got from people when I mentioned Uncle Lamb and my dirt-infused upbringing.  Both smiling, we lapsed into a companionable silence. The view out the window was breathtaking; all the shapes, colours and textures felt a bit like sensory overload. 

A little while later we passed a large thicket of trees that had begun their Autumn transition.  So captivated by what I saw, I spoke before even considering my words.

“The leaves are such brilliant colours aren’t they?  Bit like your hair.”

Oh god, please tell me I didn’t say that out loud?

“Oh aye?”

Yep, I said it aloud…I wonder if it’d be possible to jump out the car window at this speed?

“Just ignore me, I’m talking rubbish”

“Ye never talk rubbish Sassenach.  What were ye gonna say? Will ye tell me? Please?”

Jamie glanced away from the road, looking at me with sincerity and a hopeful smile that was impossible to say no to.

“All right - I was just thinking how the Autumn leaves remind me of your hair.  The way the light hits it; deep reds and auburns in the shadows and bolts of gold in the sun”

Jamie smiled.

What does that look mean? Is he trying not to laugh? Jesus Beauchamp, learn when to zip it!  

“I’m gonna shut up now, let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything”

Red faced, I shifted in my seat and faced towards the window.

“No, no Claire! Please, I didna mean to embarrass ye.” 

He reached out a hand and squeezed my forearm, fingers gently flexing. 

“No one’s ever said anything so nice about my curly mop, nor so poetic”

Curious, I turned back around.  Jamie’s smile was genuine, as was his look of relief.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.  It’s usually carrot top or ginger nut or several other choice names which canna be repeated in good company”

Looking at him, the beautiful scenery blurred into insignificance.  Both funny and sincere, Jamie was endearing in a way that made my heart squeeze and flutter at the same time.

“Poor man - perhaps I should go on then?”

“Aye? There’s more to say about my tresses is there?”

I bit my lip to stop my blooming smile turning into a full grin.

“Most definitely - see it’s not just the colour that’s so evocative.” 

I reached up and touched his hair, rubbing a tendril between my fingers.

“Hmm, as I suspected; it’s just like the leaves - dry, crunchy and will most definitely fall out come wintertime”

“Och! Ye take delight in wounding me ye minx! I should pull over and make ye walk the rest of the way!”

I cracked up as Jamie playfully shoved me in the arm; a moment later he was laughing too.

“Is it too late for me to fire ye?”

___

Approaching the house, I spotted Angus and Willie pruning some overgrown trees.  As we pulled into the driveway, Rupert popped up from behind a small hedge, looking very much like a meerkat on sentinel duty.

“What time do ye call this?”

Jamie rolled his eyes, his mouth quirking into a half smile as we got out of the car. 

“Havin’ trouble with your watch again are ye, Rupe? I’ve told ye before, the big hand is for minutes and the little one for hours”

“Oh ha ha, verra funny. Where’ve ye been?!” 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we stopped for a bite on the way”

“Stopped for a bite he says.  What happened to an honest couple hours work afore takin’ a break, aye?”

“Would ye have a look at ye! First time you’re here before me and you’re up at the pulpit ready to start preaching!  How ‘bout ye shut your gob and actually do some of this work ye keep bangin’ on about?”

“Well did ye bring somethin’ back for me?”

Angus walked up behind Rupert, cuffing him over the ear. 

“Ye great fat fart! Ye inhaled two bacon an’ egg butties already this mornin’.  Any more to eat an’ ye’ll start to look like one”

“Judas! Yer on my side aren’t ye Willie?”

“Ye can leave me outta this! Mornin’ Jamie! Hiya Claire”

With a look of betrayal Rupert clomped off, shovel in hand.

“Tis gonna be a long day, Sassenach”

___

Angus and Rupert’s juvenile antics were non-stop for the rest of the morning.  Willie reached his limit when they started burping their way through a rendition of Scotland the Brave and tried to use his stomach for the drum section. Escaping out the front, Willie worked on the hedges as Jamie issued a final warning to Rupert and Angus; telling them if they didn’t stop behaving like toddlers that’d had too much sugar, there’d be hell to pay.  I hadn’t seen Jamie unleash his full wrath, but from the expression on the others’ faces I gathered it was something best avoided.

The afternoon was overcast but still warm and saw all of us - bar Willie - out the back building a flowerbed.  Before the wooden slats could be brought in to form the frame, we needed to clear the area.  The task was proving more complicated than initially thought due to some deeply set tap roots, leftover from a long-departed Beech tree. It was sweaty, labour-intensive work, guarenteed to leave blisters on your hands the next day.  I didn’t mind so much as it meant seeing Jamie’s strength in all its glory.  As he pulled dead roots from the ground, muscles glistening, it certainly wasn’t a stretch to imagine sliding my hands up his arms and burying my fingers in those curls.

Focus Beauchamp! Licking your lips in front of your boss is not a good look…

The task of turning over the freshly cleared earth with a garden hoe had originally been assigned to Rupert until he kept insisting ‘Garden Hoe’ was his new nickname.

“Ye’d have to actually bed a lass if ye wanna be called that!” chided Angus.

“Didna hear yer mam complaining last time I checked?”

“Bi sàmhach! That’s enough!  I shoulda separated the two of ye hours ago.  Angus, go out the front and help Willie with the hedges.  Rupert - head round the side of the house to start on the window boxes”

“But I dinna know which herbs to put in them, Claire’s s’posed to…”

“Move it!”

I smirked as the guys slunk away, their ribald banter curtailed by a very annoyed Jamie.

“Damn ingrates the lot of ‘em!” Jamie threw his hands up in exasperation.  “Get more work done if I’d hired an actual pair of donkeys”

With just the two of us left in the back garden, Jamie’s shoulders relaxed.  Keeping an eye on Rupert and Angus must’ve been more stressful than I’d realised.  

I hope he’s ok? Perhaps I could try and lighten the mood?

“So Jamie, on the topic of nicknames…”

“Dinna tell me ye wanna be called Garden Hoe, too?”

He raised his eyebrows suggestively in imitation of Rupert, making me laugh - even if I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

“Certainly not!  I’m a lady thank you very much! What I was going to say is that I realised that I haven’t picked a nickname for you!”

“And why would ye be doing that?”

“Well I’ve been lumped with Sassenach since I started working here, seems only fair that I choose something for you, too”

He scratched his chin as though deep in thought.

“Ye raise a good point there, Sassenach”

“As always”

“Very well then; ye can call me Master”

“Excuse me?!”

“Master. Something wrong with your hearing?”

“Oh I heard you all right; I just wanted to give you a chance to correct yourself”

“I think ye mean ‘correct yourself, Master’”

Jamie was struggling to keep a straight face.

“Ha, not bloody likely!  You need your head checked if you think I’d ever call you that!”

“I dinna see what the problem is here? I’m the boss aren’t I?” he sniggered.

I moved to shove him in the chest, but as I did so he grabbed my wrists and held them behind my back.  Jamie’s grip was strong and the action brought our entire front lengths only inches apart.  Eyes lit up with mirth he continued his ‘demands’.

“Ye need to...” — a snort of laughter —  “…learn to obey, Sassenach!”

“Jamie; you’re being insufferable!”

“Nay, 'tis not Jamie anymore - ye must only address me as Master”

“Forget it!”

“C’mon say it Sassenach, say it!”

“Never!”

“Sassenach!” 

I wriggled ineffectually attempting to break the hold, but he just tightened his grip; both of us had now dissolved into giggles.

“Fine!”

“Fine…?”

“Oh, you’re the worst! Fine, Master!”

Jamie grinned triumphantly; in retaliation I struck his shin with my toes.  It felt like kicking a tree trunk but the surprise attack threw him off balance.  His hands still encircled my wrists so as he toppled, he dragged me with him.  Thank god the freshly turned earth was soft as he landed flat on his back with a loud oof!…and with me right on top of him.  

During our descent Jamie had released my wrists, hands moving to hold my rib cage and cushion my fall.  His large palms spanned the width of my sides, the heat of them radiating through my shirt, warming my skin.  Laughter dying out as we became aware of our position, we both lay there, stock still, breathing deeply in unison.  My curls had fanned out like uncoiled springs, a dark brown veil now covering us both.

Sprawled on top of Jamie, I could feel every part of him; his strong thighs, his toned stomach, his cock.  I was acutely aware of my breasts pressed against his chest and I shivered in response.  

Can you feel how fast my heart is beating?

Jamie’s eyes had darkened to the colour of Loch Lomond; a deep unfathomable blue.  I felt completely lost in them.  So close his breath fanned my cheeks, our lips were only an inch apart.  

“Claire” 

The way he said my name felt like a caress. Was I imagining the longing in his voice?  At that point I could barely remember to breathe.

I can’t think of anything except how much I want to kiss you right now.

“Claire!”

A different voice, this time Rupert yelling from around the side of the house.   The sound had the same effect as the clock striking midnight at Cinderella’s ball; the spell was immediately broken.  With crimson cheeks,  I scrambled up from the ground.

“I ah…I’d better go check on Rupert, make sure he hasn’t confused my Lily-of-the-valley with Wood garlic again”

“Aye” replied Jamie, voice rough.  Slumping back on the ground, he threw an arm over his eyes, shielding his face.

What in God’s name just happened?! 

Chapter Text

Lady J: Just called you but it went straight to voicemail - Need advice urgently! (Highlander related)

Jo-Jo: Sorry can’t talk, still @ work. Text me - I'm *dying* to know how the big date went!

Lady J: It wasn’t a date.

Jo-Jo: Did u wash ur hair last night?

Lady J: Yes

Jo-Jo: Then it was a date

Lady J: Fine, may have put a *little* extra effort into appearance today. But have bigger problems now.

Jo-Jo: 9” worth of problems? ;-)

Lady J: …

Jo-Jo: I know u lol’d @ that. So what happened? The wife show up @ breakfast?

Lady J: No - zero mentions - I’m beginning to wonder if they’re separated?

Jo-Jo: Seriously?

Lady J: Maybe? Why else would he never talk about her?

Jo-Jo: Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to *u* about her?

Lady J: Not sure about that?! I mean he’s still wearing a ring?

Jo-Jo: Ring could mean anything.  Maybe he put it on when he was a kid, his hands grew too big & now he can't get it off?

Lady J: That *must* be it - I think you've cracked the case Sherlock Joe...

Jo-Jo: Ha ha! Ok, so if wifey wasn’t there, what’s the problem?

Lady J: Well…something sorta happened this afternoon at work

Jo-Jo: Wait go back; 1st tell me, how was the b’fast?

Lady J: Was fine, well great actually. #sigh Went to a gorgeous little café & he insisted on paying! Said I can choose the place next time.

Jo-Jo: Next time eh? Very encouraging! U think he thought it was a date too?

Lady J: No, don't think so; he said it was just a ‘bite to eat’ on way to work.

Jo-Jo: Did *he* wash his hair?

Lady J: His hair looked hot…

Jo-Jo: I can hear u drooling from here

Lady J: Anyway…later in the day we’re back at work & kinda play-fighting & I kinda fell on top of him…

Jo-Jo: Yeah u did!

Lady J: Ugh, I’m so cringing right now!

Jo-Jo: I'm sure there's a joke here about u 'falling' for him... gimme a sec, I'm sure it'll come to me...

Lady J: Joe!

Jo-Jo: Ha ha , ok sorry - what happened after u wrestled him to the ground?

Lady J: Well I was lying on him, we’re looking into each other's eyes (!!!) & he’s like “Claire!” 

Lady J: What do you think that means?!

Jo-Jo: Hmmm…Was it like ‘Claire - get the hell off me’? Or ‘Claire - I wanna to jump ur bones’? 

Jo-Jo: I’m hoping the latter!

Lady J: I’m not sure?! Our faces were an inch apart; is it terrible that I wanted to kiss him?

Jo-Jo: U should have kissed him

Lady J: Is this your helpful advice?

Jo-Jo: Well u’re not *completely* socially inept, surely u knew if it felt like a #moment?

Lady J: I dunno?! Maybe it was all in my head?

Jo-Jo: Which is why u should’ve snogged him - then u’d know! So what happened next?

Lady J: Rupert yelled out & I just got up & left…?

Jo-Jo: That’s it? Did u talk about it later?

Lady J: No, was kinda awkward

Jo Jo: For him or u?

Lady J: For me! I was sprawled all over my boss, Joe!

Jo-Jo: Did he give u a lift home? Did u make out in the car?

Lady J: NO! And yeah got lift home, but was with Willie too, so no chat about ‘the fall’

Jo-Jo: But I wanted more goss! Ok seriously, I think ur stressing over nothing. If it ever comes up, just laugh it off. I’m sure he won’t make a big deal of it if u don’t. 

Lady J: You think? I still feel kinda embarrassed at how close I was to kissing him

Jo-Jo: Well nothing technically happened did it? So why beat ur self up over it?  Unless of course u wanna tell him u’ve got it bad for him?

Lady J: I DO NOT have it bad for him.

Jo-Jo: Claire & Jamie sitting in a tree…

Lady J: All right I’m hanging up now

Jo-Jo: This is text

Lady J: Touché! 

Lady J: Thanks for the advice xx

Jo-Jo: Anytime babe xo

Chapter Text

It sounds clichéd, but when it comes to matters of the heart, logic doesn’t always count as much as it ought.  I knew Jamie was married; that he had a wife.  I knew he was my boss and that nothing could ever happen between us.  But it didn’t stop me from ignoring these facts and wishing it would.  The more I was around him, the more I wanted him; so much so that it was just easier to pretend that there was no one else.  That the ring he wore was mere jewellery and didn't symbolise a promise to love another.  Was he pretending too?  Whenever Jamie’s wife came up and the topic dismissed as though it was no more significant than the weather, it became easy to convince myself that she didn’t exist.  I’d fantasise about a world where he was mine, I was his and the time we spent together was out of choice, not because we worked together. 

Neither Jamie or I mentioned our little tumble, but I couldn't forget it.  Even the memory had the ability to make my breath come short.  Whether out on site planting herbs or typing something up in the office, I’d find myself constantly daydreaming about it.  Recalling vividly the feel of his body against mine I’d envision straddling his hips, our mouths meeting in a deep kiss.  Other times I’d picture him flipping us over, strong muscles pinning me while he ripped open my shirt, his tongue covering every inch of exposed skin.  These imaginings usually left me blushing and more than a little aroused; thank god Jamie didn’t have mind reading abilities! 

Does he ever think about me the same way?

By now it was early November; the time of year when any remaining leaves began their days gilded in frost instead of dew and ever-weakening sunshine took longer to melt the morning mist.  When working outdoors I rugged up in thermals and a down jacket, Jamie however, still insisted on working in shorts, refusing to even consider trousers until at least Christmas time.  One chilly morning, he made a point of telling me his thoughts on the disparity in our attire.

“Have a look at ye! Dressed up like you’re about to scale Everest! Scotsmen are not so thin-blooded as ye blue-nosed Southrons.  You lot are basically lizards; needin’ to splay yourselves out on a rock to warm up!”

Opening my mouth to respond, Jamie cut me off with tutting and a waggling finger.

“And dinna be thinking of some clever come-back and tellin’ me I’m wrong - which we both ken full well was exactly what ye were about to do - these are facts, Sassenach” 

To emphasise his point, Jamie poked me in the shoulder with his index finger, a smirk already forming.  Knowing that the only way for me to not prove him right was to stay silent, I had no choice but to just stand there; the irritation written all over my face. 

“You’re loving this aren’t you?”

Jamie laughed, eyes crinkling with mirth.  

“Dinna ken what ye mean?”

Shrugging his shoulders in mock confusion, he walked off chuckling.  I tried to look annoyed but despite my best efforts, I felt the corners of my mouth turning up.  There was a warmth that flowed through me whenever Jamie was around and it had nothing to do with the thick jacket I wore.

___

Our work that day had taken us to a property outside of Drumclog, a tiny village about an hour’s drive south of Glasgow.  The house sat at the end of a long gravel lane, bordered by towering Scots Pine trees that looked like soldiers in a guard of honour.  As it was expected to be just the one day’s work it was only Jamie, me and Angus onsite while Willie and Rupert took another job closer to the city.  With the owners away on holiday in Spain, there would be no last-minute alterations to the designs, so if all went to plan the three of us could head home by mid-afternoon.

“Couple of weeks in Spain would suit me just fine.  Can picture it now, clear blue skies, a sangria in my hand while I’m sunnin’ myself on an inflatable flamingo in the Mediterranean...”  

Angus looked contemplative as he pruned a rose bush.  I swallowed a giggle imagining his pasty limbs on the beach.  Clearly thinking his plan had merit, he continued: 

“Ye ken Spanish women love men with an accent”

“Umm…I'm pretty sure it's women love men with a Spanish accent?”

“It is?”

“Either way, I think your best hope with the lassies is staying mute Angus.” Jamie chimed in. 

“Suggestion noted.  I’ll use my mean dancin’ skills to woo the fillies, aye? Check this out, I recon they’ll be throwing themselves at me!”

Angus began grinding his hips in his interpretation of a sensual salsa; every few seconds kicking a leg out and shouting Ole!.  Closing his eyes in embarrassment, Jamie shook his head and bit back a laugh. 

“Well I can definitely see the family resemblance”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Sassenach?”

“Just that you’re a very graceful bunch, that’s for sure…”

“Dinna be lumping me in with him!” 

We were standing face to face; as Jamie spoke he darted out a hand, pinching the back of my arm. 

“Ouch!”

At my yelp of pain, Jamie grinned mischievously. 

“Oh, like that is it?”

I shoved his chest in retaliation, hands pressing into firm muscles.  His skin was warm under my fingers and for a split second time felt like it stopped when our gazes locked.  He moved to grab me by the elbows, but I was too quick, deftly jumping out of arm’s reach.  Seeing Jamie left grabbing at thin air I laughed and stuck out my tongue.  Blue eyes narrowing, an impish smile spread across his face as he contemplated his next move.  Before he could launch another attack, we were both interrupted by Angus’ loud proclamation:

“Hola señorita; may I have this dance?”

He’d picked up a rake and had begun to sway about the garden with his new ‘dance partner’.  Jamie and I took one look at him and burst out laughing.

“I take it back Jamie, I think Angus could teach you a thing or two!”

_____

My main task that day was creating some planter boxes of herbs to live indoors when the snow arrived in a month or so’s time.  Today I’d curated a ‘tea selection’: peppermint, chamomile, lemon balm and horsetail. Beautiful and useful; I hoped the owners would be pleased.  I happily worked on this while the other two started constructing a small pergola.  It seemed Angus’ mind was more on sunny Spain than supplies as it was soon discovered that while all the planks of wood had made it to the site, the screws had not.  A few terse words from Jamie followed and Angus was dispatched with the JDJ van to go source more.

“And dinna be dilly-dallying, I’m not getting stuck working out here all night cos ye canna remember the simplest of tasks!”

Armed with a large mallet, Jamie began installing the footings for the pergola whilst waiting for his forgetful employee to return.  After a while we began talking - or more accurately yelling -  across the garden.  Our view of each other was obscured by a large crabapple tree, but I could hear him hammering away as we chatted about everything and nothing.  The conversation somehow moved to hypotheticals, but he was finding the latest one particularly challenging.

“You can’t just say pass that’s not how it works; you have to pick one”

“All right fine, what were the options again?”

“Would you rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?”

“But I still dinna ken why I’m fighting the wee horses, Sassenach? They’re beautiful beasts; full of spirit.”

“Ugh! For the tenth time, it’s a hypothetical!”

There was silence from his side of the garden as he weighed up his options.

“If I kill the big duck, can I eat it? ”

My loud snort of laughter was terribly unladylike.

“Was that supposed to be a quack? Sounds like the duck got shot”

I lost it at that; tears springing from my eyes I laughed so hard my stomach began to ache.  After couple of minutes I noticed the hammering had stopped.

“Ifrinn!”

Scrambling to my feet I approached to see what the problem was. 

“I promise none of the wee horses are going to be harmed Jamie”

Silence.

“Jamie?”

“Shit, shit, shit!”

Rounding the crabapple tree I saw him pacing around, clutching his shoulder.

“Are you ok? What happened?”

“Bee sting”

“A bee sting? Who ever heard of bees in November?” 

Jamie didn’t reply and my smile faded when I saw how pale he’d gone.  Something was very wrong.

“I’m allergic” he bit out.

Pulling out an EpiPen, Jamie roughly yanked up the hem of his shorts to expose his thigh.  Pressing it to his leg, just before he activated it he stumbled, dropping the device on the ground. Staggering around in a disoriented state, he stepped forward, crushing the EpiPen under the weight of his boot. 

“Fuck!”

Skin taking on a greyish tinge and eyes unable to fix on one spot, Jamie began listing like a boat on stormy seas. My blood running cold, I rushed forward and positioned myself under his shoulder.

“Let's get you sitting down, just bend your knees; I’ll help you”

Jamie nodded, a sheen of sweat already appearing on his brow.  After we got him to the ground and settled with his back up against a tree, I crouched down beside him:

“Try not to worry, I’m going to call an ambulance and we’ll have you feeling better in no time”

Grabbing my mobile, I hastily dialled 999.  The dispatcher said due to our remote location it’d be at least twenty minutes before they could get anyone out here, but that she’d be able to guide me though what to do until then.  First thing was to get Jamie lying down; apparently this would help with blood pressure. 

It's ok, you can do this. It's all going to be fine. 

Explaining the instructions to Jamie, I whipped off my jacket and lay it on the ground as a makeshift pillow.  Cradling his neck and head I helped ease him into a prone position and had just asked the dispatcher what to do next when the line went dead.

What the hell am I supposed to do now?!

I wasn't overly familiar with bee stings but I did know that if the allergy was severe they could kill in minutes.  

Trapped in the middle of nowhere…  

No medication…  

No phone reception…  

Jamie worsening by the minute… 

Snap out of it Beauchamp! You’ve got to keep a cool head and stay focussed! He needs you.  

Trying for an upbeat tone, I turned back to Jamie.

“Well the good news is the ambulance is on its way. We just need to sit tight for a few more minutes”

“Aye”

Eyes glassy and his breaths becoming wheezing gasps, Jamie started pawing at his shirt, like he was trying to rip the sleeve off. 

“The stinger…Need to get the stinger out”

His flailing arms kept reaching for his shoulder but in his weakened state he couldn’t do much but vaguely tap at the area.

“It’s all right Jamie. I’m going to get it out; you just try to stay still”

With shaking hands I began to undo the buttons of his shirt, exposing his muscled chest.  I’d imagined undressing Jamie numerous times, although I can’t say that any of those fantasies had involved anaphylactic shock.  Drawing the martial back over his shoulder it was clear where he'd been stung; angry red hives had sprung up around the site, the stinger itself sitting just across from his left collarbone.  Placing my hands on his chest, Jamie hissed from the contact.

“Sorry, I know it hurts, but I’ll do everything I can to make it better, I promise”

His jaw was clamped, the sinews in his neck sticking out from the pressure.  Using my nails as makeshift tweezers, I removed the stinger but it didn’t seem to have much of an impact. 

Think! There’s got to be something more you can do?!

Scanning the garden I had a sudden idea - plantains! Native to the Highlands, a Slan-lus or Healing Blade was known for it’s healing properties - specifically drawing out poisons and pulling damaged tissues back together.  Running to grab what I needed I was back at Jamie’s side a minute later.  Crushing some in my palm I began to spread the crude paste over the wound, talking to Jamie all the while.

“There’s tannins in the leaves that will help draw your tissues together.  You know tannins? Like in red wine and dark chocolate?  I don’t even know if you like red wine; do you? You seem like someone who would.  A nice pinot noir maybe”

I knew I was prattling, but it was all I could do to stop the blind panic from overwhelming me.  When I’d finished putting the plantain on Jamie, I took his hand and squeezed but there was no response - his usually healthy grip felt weak in my own.  Brow sweaty, despite the chill of the day, his breathing was laboured, eyes screwed shut in pain.

Despite the effort it cost him, Jamie started trying to talk.  I couldn’t really make out the words; it sounded like some sort of prayer in another language?  I knew he spoke Gaelic, I’d heard him and the others discussing things in the office - it seemed to be their natural response when they were excited about something.  My knowledge of the language was non-existent, so I tended to tune out when they were debating in their native tongue.  Was he praying because he thought he was going to die?  Jamie’s eyelids had begun to swell, his beautiful blue orbs disappearing behind swollen red flesh.  It looked equally painful and frightening.  Hoping rather than knowing whether it’d be of any help, I put a steadying hand on his chest, rubbing small circles to try and  provide reassurance and keep him calm.

Jamie continued to struggle, the allergic reaction constricting his airways and making each gasp more painful and ineffectual than the last.  Each rasping breath felt like splinters in my heart.  Tears welled as the minutes ticked past with no sign of help arriving.  I couldn't give in though, I needed to stay strong for Jamie, I needed to see him safe.

Where’s the fucking ambulance?

I felt for his pulse, it was weak but rapid.  Sick with worry, I kept talking, hoping the sound of my voice would be enough to convince him that even though darkness was closing in that he wasn't alone, that whatever comfort I could provide I would give gladly.

Please, please, please be ok! 

I can’t lose you.

Chapter Text

The cool thick air of the garden hung like a heavy curtain.  Leaves rustled and the occasional crow let out a caw, but aside from these sounds of nature, we were completely and utterly alone.  With no sign of help arriving, the minutes dragged.  Breath by breath I watched Jamie’s chest move slowly up and down, my heart in my mouth when he stayed still a little longer each time.  One hand on his uninjured shoulder and the other grasping his clammy palm, I spoke in hushed tones, using my voice and touch to try and anchor him to the present.  At first he’d mumble incoherently in answer, a wheezing breath or a strained cough letting me know he was still there; still fighting.  As time passed, Jamie began to weaken and eventually he stopped responding altogether.  I was trying so hard not to lose hope, but by that stage I didn’t even know if he was still conscious.  

Is this really how it ends? I can’t lose you now - I’ve only just found you!

Bowing my head, I placed a soft kiss on his knuckles, lips lingering as I began to whisper.  I hadn’t planned on telling him what was in my heart, but as the words came tumbling out, it felt right.

“Do you remember my first day? I saw you standing there in the garden and was instantly drawn to you; it was like something in you was calling out to something in me.  Is that fate?  And the thing is, the way I feel when I’m around you, I don’t want that with anyone else.  I feel completely safe and wildly reckless all at the same time; like with you beside me, I could do anything.  I know we haven’t known each other long, but already you’ve invaded every part of me.  I can’t imagine my life without you in it…Please don’t make me.”  

A pause; I sniffed loudly with a rueful smile on my face.

“So you see, you just have to get better so you can laugh at me and tell me to stop being so sappy”

Jamie lay still, reminding me of the marble effigies I’d seen atop tombs at Westminster Abbey; souls frozen in a state of eternal repose. I let out a sob; how could this be happening?  Shoulders slumping, I closed my eyes; two hot tears rolled down my cheeks.  

I’m not ready to let you go

I clutched Jamie’s hand, took a deep breath and prayed for a miracle.  

Suddenly the silence around us was broken!  A loud and high pitched wail cut though the air; the familiar nee-naw, nee-naw of the ambulance’s siren sounding as sweet as any symphony.  

Oh thank god! Finally!

“Did you hear that?! They’ve found us!  Now, don’t go anywhere - I’ll be right back with help!”

Sprinting to the front of the house, I got the attention of the paramedics and lead them back to Jamie.  Medical kit in hand, they set to work immediately; strapping him to a stretcher and bundling him into the back of the ambulance with speedy precision.  

“Why don’t ye sit here, Miss? Unresponsive patients usually do better if they can hear a familiar voice as they’re coming to”

Eyes swollen shut and skin pale, Jamie was still not awake as they put an oxygen mask over his face and connected him to beeping machines.  The IV inserted into his hand administered some drug or other; would it be enough to keep him going until we go to the hospital?  Trying not to let the sight of him like this overwhelm me, I straightened the thin blanket they’d placed over his legs and once again took his hand in my own.  

I knew instantly the moment Jamie became conscious again; his fingers gripped mine tightly and he let out an anguished scream that was louder than the ambulance’s blaring siren.

“James - Can ye hear me? We’ve given ye some cortisone to help open up yer airways.  Just try to breathe normally into the mask. Big slow breaths, mate”

Jamie thrashed around in distress, limbs pushing against the stretcher’s restraints and head tossing from side to side.

“What’s going on? Is he ok?”

“We’ve given him epinephrine - that’s adrenaline - it helps reduce the body’s response to the allergen.  It’s verra common to have reaction that mimics a seizure.”

Common or not, it was heart-wrenching seeing Jamie in so much pain.  He seemed panicked; his movements erratic as he struggled to make sense of his surrounds.

“James, we’ve got some antihistamines goin’ in through yer IV here, just give them a couple of minutes to kick in”

Jamie moaned and started pawing at his mask.

“No, no we need to keep this on ye, it’s helpin’ ye breathe”

Brow furrowed and hands balled into fists, Jamie’s fingernails sunk deep into his palms.  I squeezed his shoulder, trying in my own small way to provide reassurance.

“Don’t worry Jamie, I know its confusing but you’re not alone; I’m here. We’re on our way to the hospital and you’re going to be feeling better before you know it.”

Crouching forward so our faces were level, I brushed back a russet curl and ran cool fingers through his sweat dampened hair.  In the same way my mother used to stroke my forehead when I was sick as a child, I softly moved my fingertips back and forward, smoothing the lines between his brows.  Jamie’s writhing subsided and I smiled at the improvement. 

“That’s it, you’re doing really well”

Jamie reached out, calloused fingers wrapping around my forearm, his thumb rubbing gently back and forth. Even without words I knew the meaning of his action: It’s ok, please don’t worry.  I blinked back tears; despite everything he'd been through today, here he was trying to comfort me.

“Oh Jamie, I'm so glad you're all right”

I kissed his temple then pressed my forehead against his, eyes closed in reverence.  For the first time since he’d been stung, I felt the knot in my stomach start to loosen.  As the man that meant so much to me began to slowly return at last, relief sprinkled over me like the first drops of rain after a parched summer.  

Wheezing breaths fogging up the plastic of the mask, Jamie started to speak, his accent much thicker as he struggled to form words.

“Annie…” — a violent cough before he continued — “Ann, I’m sae glad yer here”

Annie? He thinks Ann is here?

Just like that my layers of denial were ripped away.  As though I’d touched a hot stove, I jerked back the hand that'd been holding Jamie’s, reality hitting me like a tonne of bricks. Distraught and hurting, it wasn't my touch that’d brought him peace; it was his wife’s.

Jesus Christ! You’re holding onto him like it’s the last scene from bloody Romeo and Juliet and all the while he thinks he’s being comforted by Ann?

I felt sick; how could I have been so blind to think it was me Jamie wanted? Pressing my back into the wall of the ambulance, I tried to put as much space between us as I could.  

“Where are ye lass, are ye still there?”

Eyes less swollen but still unable to see, Jamie began groping around wildly.

“Annie…” 

Another coughing fit began before he could get any more words out.  His hands reached out for mine - correction Ann’s - pulling on the tube connecting his IV.  The paramedic tried to restrain him, but even in his weakened state Jamie’s strength was difficult to overcome.  Cries for his wife became even more strained as he tried to yell and breathe through the mask at the same time.  

“Where is she? What have ye done with her?”

The desperation in his voice was heartbreaking. In the darkened world he now found himself in, the one person Jamie wanted had been taken away and chaos reigned again.

“It’s all right James, Annie’s right here”

When I didn’t respond and remained glued to the wall; the paramedic looked at me, confused.

“Sorry - I’m not Annie. I'm Claire.  Ann's his wife”

I’d expected the paramedic to look as shocked as I was but he just nodded, muttering to himself as he checked the readings on various machines.  Jamie’s breathing was still laboured, but he’d stopped reaching for Ann. Instead he just looked broken and alone; soft whimpers making my heart squeeze.

“All his vitals seem normal under the circumstances.  Some folks can become a wee bit confused as a side effect of the antihistamines. That's probably why he's got ye mixed up with his missus?”

Lowering his voice to a whisper so as to be out of Jamie’s hearing range, the paramedic then continued:

“It’s nothing to worry about but with his level of distress, do ye think ye might be able to play along til we get to the hospital? I dinna want to have to sedate him with the breathing problems”

Overwhelming sadness pressed on my chest like a lead weight, but with Jamie looking so distraught at his ‘wife’s’ sudden disappearance, what choice did I have?  As anguished as I felt, it seemed cruel to keep insisting I wasn’t Ann.  Nodding to the paramedic, I tentatively put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder.

“I’m here”

“My love, ye came back to me.  Will…will ye hold my hand?”

His voice was small, quiet. I felt so guilty; Jamie was desperate for the comfort of his wife and here I was feeling upset about the fact that it wasn’t me. I took his hand.  Believing “Ann” was there, Jamie’s breathing finally returned to some approximation of normal.  After a couple of minutes he began to speak again.

“I’m so verra sorry lass…”

“The sting was an accident, its not your fault” 

“No, not that. It's how I've treated ye. It isna right…ye deserve so much better than me, love.  Can ye forgive me?”

What had he done to Ann to make him feel like now was the time to ask for absolution? My stomach filled with dread.  

Is he referring to me? Am I the reason he hasn’t treated his wife as he should have?

“Say ye’ll forgive me. Please?”

“I’m sure she forgives you Jamie, whatever it is”

His body relaxing, he squeezed my hand and placed it on his chest - directly over his heart - holding it there with his palm. When I didn’t pull away he sighed contendedly, a peaceful smile on his lips.

“Just dinna leave me…I’d be so lost without ye”. 

 His strong heartbeat thumping beneath my fingers, I selfishly wished his words had been meant for me and not his wife.

I’m so ashamed.

___

The rest of the ambulance ride was conducted in silence.  When we reached the hospital Jamie was rushed through and I was ushered into the waiting room; treatment areas were for family only.  Some time later, the double doors of the casualty department slid open and in marched five feet of black hair, blue eyes and fury.

“Fraser - I’m looking for James Fraser! Where’ve ye put him?”

There was no mistaking Jenny Murray, that was for sure.  Behind trailed Ian; seeing his wife occupied with haranguing the nurse on the front desk, he made a beeline for me.

“Hiya Claire, thanks for calling us.  Have there been any updates?”

As I opened my mouth to respond a bespecled doctor appeared in the waiting room.

“Fraser family?”

“Aye! That’s us!” exclaimed Jenny.  She and Ian disappeared with the doctor, leaving me standing alone once again. Perhaps I should’ve left, but a desperate need to know Jamie was ok kept me rooted the spot.

Finally Jenny and Ian emerged, the calm on their faces easing the tight grip around my heart a little.

“Claire! Sorry there wasn’t time for proper introductions before - this is my Jenny”

“So wonderful to meet ye at last!” She pulled me into a fierce hug.  “Thank ye for taking care of my brother, Claire.  He’s had stings before of course but never this bad”

“So Jamie’s all right then?”

I hoped my eagerness for an update wasn’t too obvious.

“They’ve still got him all hooked up and he needs to stay overnight for observation but no permanent damage!  All down to yer quick thinking I’d say!”

“Oh, it was nothing really. I’m just glad help arrived when it did”

“Speaking of - the doctor mentioned Jamie was a bit funny in the ambulance; did ye notice anything?”

Oh shit - what did they say?!

Without knowing what Jenny’d been told I needed to come clean…kinda. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“He was fine for the most part, the paramedics did a great job.  Its just well…I think he thought his wife was there? He kept calling me Annie”

“Annie? Why would he have done that?”

Maybe cos you were draped all over the poor guy when he was pumped full of meds and couldn’t tell up from down?

“They said it was a reaction to the drugs, apparently it causes confusion.”

Jenny and Ian exchanged a look that seemed to say they knew there was more to the story. My cheeks flushed as I cringed with embarrassment. 

“Just like my brother to be daft and dying at the same time! I hope he didna try and kiss ye Claire!”

“Oh of course not, I think he was just missing his wife, that’s all.  I’m just glad to hear he’s out of the woods”

“Funny things those drugs, aye?” Ian chipped it, giving Jenny another pointed look.

The awkward beat of silence that followed was interrupted by Jenny’s mobile ringing.

“It’s Da, I’d better tell him his second favourite bairn is still in the land of the living.”

Smiling and taking a step away, she launched into rapid-fire Gaelic.  Ian turned to me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“And how are you, Claire?”

The tears that had been threatening all afternoon started to bubble up again; I couldn’t handle someone being nice to me when I was feeling so wretched.  While I stared at the floor wondering how to answer him, Ian’s phone rang.

“Sorry Claire, I’ll just be a sec. … Hi Ann, yep we’re at the hospital with Jamie now. Calm down, no, no he’s gonna be fine. We’ll see ye soon”

So caught up in my own thoughts, I hadn’t even stopped to consider Ann coming to the hospital.

Well of course she is - Jamie’s her husband

I can’t meet her like this.  

It was weak of me but I needed to get out of there before Ann arrived.  I couldn’t bear the thought of the lovers reuniting while I stood in the waiting room like a third wheel.   

___

In a taxi on the way home, the dam finally broke.  The heightened state of emotion I’d been in for the last four hours finally caught up with me and tears flowed, blurring my vision.  It was stupid - even though Jamie had been calling out for Ann, I still wanted to be near him; to hold him in my arms and keep him safe.

Why? You were a clearly just a distraction for him at work; nothing more.

A wave of embarrassment and disappointment made me feel ill.  When the chips were down, Jamie had craved his wife’s touch, not mine.  The realisation, however much I should have seen it coming, was like a sledgehammer to my heart.  And I had no one to blame for it but myself.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry for yer loss.”

“Pardon?”

“Well I figured as I picked ye up from the hospital and ye’ve been crying this whole trip that someone close to ye must’ve passed”

I didn’t break it to the taxi driver that my blubbering wasn’t due to someone close shuffling off this mortal coil.  I’m not sure how much sympathy he’d have if I told him the real reason my face looked like Niagara Falls was cos my married boss “wasn’t into me”.

What the hell were you thinking? He wears a wedding ring for God’s sake!

Within forty-five seconds of slamming shut the door of the taxi, I was uncorking a bottle of wine.  One glass in and I vowed to quit first thing the next morning; this whole episode was beyond mortifying.

Ugh! I just want to burrow under my duvet and never come out!

Three glasses in and I realised that irrespective of the status of things with Jamie, I’d grown to love my little work family and I was finally doing something that inspired me.  If I kept my head up and soldiered on, perhaps I could just forget about my feelings for him and move on?

I’m Claire Fucking Beauchamp; Fierce Ice Queen.

The positive attitude didn’t last long, by the time the bottle was finished I was back to feeling pathetic and ended up crying myself to sleep; thoughts of Jamie enveloping me like a fog.

I miss you already.  How could I have been so wrong?

I woke up with a massive hangover, freaking out about returning to the office.  Did everyone know about Jamie confusing me with Ann? A worse thought - did they know about my stupid idea that something had been been building between us? Would I arrive to howls of laughter and have to hide under my desk in humiliation? In the end it was fine, after a few minutes chatting about the sting and Jamie’s subsequent hospitalisation, everyone just went back to their desks.  Impressed with my handling of the situation, the boys told me that when Jamie returned, I should definitely ask for a raise. 

The resolve to focus on work was much easier said than done, of course.  My head felt muddled, confused.  Thoughts leapt from one question to another, but with no answers. All these weeks flirting with Jamie; was I just an amusing diversion before heading home to his darling wife? Was this something he did regularly? Was his marriage in trouble and used me to feel better about himself?  Or had I just imagined the whole thing? It’d all felt so real; was it possible to be so infatuated with someone you became blind to their feelings not being reciprocated?  Had he been humouring me this whole time?

I painstakingly analysed every interaction I’d had with him; picking them apart as a form of self flagellation.  The space inside me that’d been filled with warm feelings for Jamie was hollowed out, replaced by an icy wind.  At times I felt angry, others heartsick but always embarrassed.  A shame spiral born of wounded pride and a bruised heart.

Jamie wasn’t back in the office the next day nor the one after.  I did my best to pretend I was unaffected by the whole thing, but no matter how much I tried to occupy my time with other things there was a pain in my chest that never quite went away.  Ian told us Jamie was fine and recovering at home; the thought of Ann making good on her wedding vow of ‘In sickness and in health’ made my gut churn.  No doubt she was a homely type that could simultaneously apply cold compresses, administer medication and whip up some amazing chicken-soup cure-all.  I laughed ironically recalling how I’d once managed to set off the fire alarm when boiling an egg.

I equally longed for and dreaded Jamie’s return. My arms ached with wanting to pull him close and breathe him in; pure relief that he was alive and whole.  My palm tingled with wanting to slap him for making me believe that he might’ve felt even a little bit of what I did for him.  Would everything be different now? One thing I was sure of, if I was going to keep working at Jardin de James then I needed to accept that Ann was who Jamie wanted, not me.

I just hope to hell he doesn’t remember anything I said to him.

Several days later, I stood in the kitchen staring at the coffee machine.  I used to love watching Jamie play barista; I had this fantasy where I’d come up behind him, encircle his waist with my arms and rest my face on the strong planes of his back. I’d imagine him turning around with a beaming smile before leaning down to kiss me, telling me how happy he was to see me.

How pathetic.

“Sassenach! There ye are!”

The excitement in his voice was more befitting someone he hadn’t seen in three months rather than three days.  

So what? It’s probably how he’s greeted everyone.

“Hey”

“Feels like I haven’t see ye in ages! How are ye? 

“Fine thanks. Fully recovered?

“Sure am! The doctors only made me stay the one night in hospital. Since then I’ve just been at home waiting for my face to return to normal”

Usually this would’ve been an opening for me to tease him, making some crack about his face never being normal, today I remained silent. Clearly surprised at my change in demeanour, Jamie just stood there waiting for me to respond; I got a mug out of the cupboard instead.

“I woke up in hospital covered in all these crushed leaves.  At first I thought I must’ve passed out and fallen head first into a hedge!”

His tone was jocular, a lop-sided smile on his face. I didn’t feel like laughing.

Great, one more embarrassing thing to add to the list from that shitty day.

“That was me, it was a Slan-lus. I tried to use it to draw the toxins out; made a bit of a mess of things by the sounds of it.  Sorry” 

“Sorry? What for? The doctors said it worked, slowed the venom spreading; ye saved my life!  I dinna ken how I can thank ye” 

“There’s really no need, I would've done the same for anyone” 

“Aye but it was amazing, what ye did. Ye really are so verra brave, Sassenach. I’ll be forever in your debt”

I shrugged, smiling noncomitially.  Jamie’s eyes searched for mine, I looked anywhere but at him.

 “So, how ‘bout I make ye a coffee? One of those caramel lattes ye like so much?”

“No thanks. I feel like tea”

“Oh, ok”

I flipped the kettle on then stood stock-still with my arms folded. Jamie on the other hand couldn’t stop moving; opening and closing cupboards, sweeping imaginary crumbs off the bench top, hovering by the coffee machine and drumming his fingers against the steamer.

“I picked a good day to come back to work; Mrs Crook’s in today. Can’t wait to see what she’s baked, I’m starving already!”

“Yeah, should be nice”

I returned to my main focus: staring at the kettle and willing it to boil faster.  Jamie ran a hand through his curls, opened his mouth as if to say something, remained mute then went back to mussing up his hair.

I thought about how we’d stood in this exact spot a week ago; giggling like children while competing to see who could balance a spoon on the end of their nose the longest.  Efforts to sabotage each other had involved shoving, poking and pinching all while trying to keep our heads as still as possible.  For me it’d felt like finding an excuse to touch; seeking that snap of electricity when our skin would connect.  In the end I’d won when I tickled Jamie and he squealed as though he were a pig earmarked for Sunday dinner.  The spoon dropped to the floor, I’d declared myself the victor and Jamie had pulled my hair as ‘punishment for cheating’.  I closed my eyes, cringing.  How must my behaviour have looked? Had he been thinking of Ann while I danced around giving him heart eyes? 

Ann. Her name hadn’t come up yet in this little tête-à-tête. If I was really going to prove how unaffected I was by everything, I needed to stop living in a fantasy land and bring her into the conversation.

“Your wife must have been pleased you were ok?”

“Aye.”

That’s it?

Jamie cleared his throat.

“I err…I wanted to speak to ye about the ambulance trip actually... I ken they’d given me a lot of drugs and such, so I wanted to apologise if I said anything that might’ve made ye uncomfortable?”

“Nope”

“I dinna remember most of it, but I fear I said somethin’ silly?”

“Nothing that I noticed”

“Really?”

“I mightn’t have understood all of it, but you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true”

I’m just the idiot that refused to see it.

Busy chastising myself,  I didn’t notice Jamie move closer until he was standing right in front of me.  So near I could feel the heat radiating off him, his eyes swept my face, like he was trying to pull the thoughts from my brain.

“Claire, I wanted to…”

“Kettle’s boiled! Excuse me”

I made the world’s fastest cup of tea and bid a hasty retreat from the kitchen, my heart beating a mile a minute. As I left the room, I heard a glass smash but didn’t turn around to determine why - if Jamie had cut himself he could get someone else to tend to him.

Back at my desk I was an anxious mix of anger and sadness.  Had Jamie been about to tell me how much he loved his wife? I couldn’t bare the thought of some let her down gently-type chat, all awkwardness and pity. If my feelings had been as obvious as I thought, then why couldn’t Jamie just leave well enough alone? This was hard enough already.

Back at his own desk, Jamie picked up a pencil and tapped it monotonously against his sketching board.  His face was dark; eyes intent and firmly fixed on me.  I put in my headphones, cranked up the tunes and pretended I didn’t notice.

___

Just before midday, Mrs Crook arrived. I didn't deserve it, but I wanted a bit of tea & sympathy.  With her cheery disposition and baked treats the older lady was just what the doctor ordered. 

“Whatever's the matter Claire? Ye look as if ye havena eaten in a week!”

Does alcohol count as food?

“We canna have ye fadin’ away. Come, let me make ye a nice cuppa and we’ll get some food in ye. I made blueberry scones, ye goin’ to love them!”

My emotions having been all over the shop that morning, it was with some relief that I let Mrs Crook fuss over me while she nattered about cake recipes.  Her warm manner and the scent of sugar wafting through the kitchen was soothing and allowed anguished thoughts to fade a little. Halfway through my second scone, I heard the office front door open. 

“Ann! What a lovely surprise, come on in”

Ann’s here?!  

The small flickering flame of hope that Jamie and his wife were separated was snuffed out; Ann’s arrival and friendly greeting from Ian told me all I needed to know. The bite of scone suddenly felt like I was chewing on cardboard. 

From the kitchen I couldn't see Ann, but could easily hear her conversation with Ian. Her voice was soft and flowing; undeniably Gallic.  The kind of voice that could read out ingredients on a cereal box and still sound sexy.  I tried to picture what she looked like; probably porcelain skin, pink cheeks and long flowing blonde hair.

Am I just describing Fleur Delacour from the Harry Potter films?

I considered hiding out in the kitchen but what if she came in here to see Mrs Crook? There was literally nowhere to hide. Did she know what'd happened in the ambulance? At the end of the day it didn't really matter; I needed to face reality, this was the woman Jamie had chosen. It wasn't Ann’s fault I'd fallen for her husband.  Steeling myself, I took a deep breath and stepped into the front room.

That’s her? Fuck.

My idea of Jamie’s wife looking like Fleur wasn’t completely inaccurate - Ann was Victoria’s Secret model-level hotness.

A man as good looking as Jamie is hardly going to be with a hag, is he?

Deep brown skin, eyes the colour of onyx and pin straight black hair, Ann had the body of a ballerina; all graceful lines and long limbs.  I self-consciously thought of my round arse, which really wasn’t that bad if you were into that kinda look.  Jamie obviously wasn’t.

Too late to back out now, I continued forwards; a feat in itself as I felt like running away and punching walls at the injustice of it all.

“Hi, I’m Claire”

“Of course - the woman that saved my husband!” 

Husband. The word alone felt like someone stepping on my heart.

“Yep that’s me”

“Thank you for taking care of my James. I’m Annalise, but please call me Ann.  I hope we can be good friends; Jamie has told me so much about you.” 

He has? He’s barely mentioned a bloody word to me about you.

When she held out her hand for me to shake I noticed her perfectly manicured fingernails.  Mine were the complete opposite: short, unpainted and with a layer of soil perpetually underneath from tending to my herbs.

“Ooh your perfume smells amazing, is it Channel?”

“Um…no, just some mint; I’ve been using my mortar and pestle this morning”

Fabulous, Jamie’s married to someone who swathes themselves in expensive fragrance and I smell like a garden bed.

At that moment, the man himself entered; eyes immediately trained on me.  Only after a few seconds did he notice Ann; when he did his face turned a deep shade of purple.

“There you are, mon cher! I was just meeting the lovely Claire”

“What are ye doin’ here?”

His thickened accent was usually a sign he was annoyed, but it made no sense that he’d be irritated by Ann’s arrival.

“I thought we could go for lunch”

“Sure”

“Bien! Shall we go now?”

“Aye”

“Wonderful to meet you, Claire!” 

Jamie charged towards the door and hurridly ushered Ann through; it was clear he wanted to get his wife away from me.  I watched them go; no doubt they were headed to some cosy café.   While I ate my lunch of squashed marmite sandwiches, Ann would probably be feeding her husband with forkfuls from her plate. With a pang in my chest I recalled breakfast with Jamie at Na Cluaran; my heart had been fit to burst that morning, the smile impossible to keep from my face.  I blinked back tears, it felt like a lifetime ago now.

This is going to be so much harder than I thought it’d be.

Chapter Text

Jo-Jo:  My place. 7pm. Non-negotiable.

Lady J: I’m not fit for company

Jo-Jo: Well lucky I don’t count as company! Get ur arse over here & bring wine. I only have 4 bottles so we’ll likely need more.

Lady J: Will there be cheese?

Jo-Jo: What kind of a host do you think I am??

___

Joe opened the door to his apartment, a glass of wine in hand.

“Is that for me or you?”

“Depends? Am I gonna get Mopey-Claire or Ready-to-Dish-the-Dirt Claire?”

“Shut up and gimme the damn glass”

He smirked and pulled me in for a hug.

“Come in gorgeous, let’s get sloshed and you can tell me all about your douche-bag boss”

Like Mrs Crook, Joe was determined to feed me and forbade any Jamie-talk until we’d eaten our way through what felt like a bucket of carbonara linguine. Settled on the couch and our glasses filled to the brim, I filled in my eager-for-news best friend, circling back on the parts of the story that were particularly vexing.

“And then he calls out ‘Annie’ like he’s bloody Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire! Seriously Joe; it was humiliating! Then the bloody paramedic asks me to play along and pretend to be the bloody wife”

“You’ve used ‘bloody’ three times in one sentence and I’ve gotta tell you I’m still not sure of the context when you Brits use that word. I keep picturing someone covered in blood?”

“We use it when we’re annoyed, Joe - bloody annoyed!”

He laughed and topped up my glass; ranting was thirsty work.

“Right, well what happened when you got to the hospital?”

“Well I met Jenny finally, she seems really nice.  I didn’t get to see Jamie as it was family only, then Annie calls and I high tail it out of there cos I was too chicken to meet her”

“But you told the sister that Jamie got you mixed up with the wife?”

“I had to! If I didn’t and then the paramedic told her I’d have looked like even more of a loon!”

“And what did Jenny say to that?”

“That’s the weird bit, she was doing this half-jokey laugh thing and made a comment about how she hoped Jamie hadn’t tried to kiss me, thinking I was Ann”

“That is weird. Maybe she genuinely thought it was funny? The Scottish sense of humour can be a bit left of centre at times”

“Her brother had just been rushed to hospital, would that really be the time to be cracking wise?”

“Beats me?” Joe shrugged, sniggering. “So you didn’t see Ann of Green Gables until today, then?”

“Yeah, Paris fashion week must have finished early so she came in to meet her husband for lunch”

I said the word husband with an exaggerated French accent so it sound more like ‘uuuusband’.

“She’s a complete stunner Joe, like I’m sure if we turned on Fashion TV right now she’d be on there strutting up and down a runway in Milan or something.  Meanwhile I’m sat here in my ratty old Oxford University hoodie”

“Ok enough!  For the last twenty minutes you’ve done nothing but tell me how beautiful this chick is and how fugly you are in comparison. Stop being so mean to my best friend!”

“You’re missing the point; I was flirting with him and the whole time he had that Greek goddess at home - I’m so embarrassed!

“Who gives a fuck?”

“Well me, obviously”

“I still don’t think all is well in that marriage; people in happy relationships just don’t act like that.”

“But act like what? Maybe I was imagining the whole flirting thing? I just wish I knew what he was thinking”

“You could ask him?”

“Great suggestion! Hey boss - I’ve spent months dreaming about you - was just wondering if, despite the fact you called out for your drop-dead gorgeous wife when you were in a drug-induced haze, that you might feel the same?”

“Fair play.  Main thing is - where to from here, babe? You say you wanna keep working there and I think that’s the right call. But what do we do about this Highlander? Do you think you can get over him?”

__

For the next two weeks, I thought a lot about Joe’s question - was getting over Jamie something I could do?  Did I even want to?  Unsurprisingly, there were no further mentions of Ann after her spontaneous visit.  When Jamie returned after their lunch, he went straight into the meeting room; staying there all afternoon sketching.  Ann didn’t come back to the office again. 

In the days that followed I’d regularly catch Jamie looking at me when he didn’t think I could see; always the same wistful expression on his face.  Prior to ambulance-gate I’d have sought him out to ask what the problem was and try to make him smile again; but things between us had shifted now.  It felt like looking at him from behind glass, I just couldn’t tell which one of us was in the display case.  Knowing Jamie’s true feelings, I worked hard to make sure we were never alone together, lest I cave and start joking around with him; further embarrassing myself by flirting when I was no more than a workplace distraction.  Even though he was right in front of me, my heart still hurt; I missed him.

___

A job in early December took us to Bellahouston, a leafy suburb in the southwest of Glasgow.  The garden had the fundamentals of a lovely space, but had been severely neglected and was in need of much work to bring out it’s true shine.  With winter’s icy fingers increasing their grip each day, all five of us were out on site to complete the job as quickly as possible.

It was early afternoon when the owner came out to see how everything was going.  Early 30s, just shy of six foot and with short brown hair, he had the slim build of someone who took care of themselves but was no gym-rat. I watched him listen with interest as Willie explained the water feature we’d begun installing.  As I prepared some herbs for potting, he came over to introduce himself.

“Hi there! Hope you don’t mind me nosing around, I’m just so chuffed to see this place getting cleaned up! I only moved in a month or so ago and have been rushing around like a headless chicken since then; in fact this is my first day off in I don’t know how long!

“No trouble at all, hopefully you’ll be happy with what we can do”

“I’ve no doubt, Jardin de James comes highly recommended. Which is fortunate as I barely know one end of a rake from the other!”

He stuck out his palm, a warm smile on his face. I pulled off my gardening glove and we shook hands.

“Andrew McCaskill, homeowner and frightful gardener.  Call me Andy if you like?”

“Claire Beauchamp; pleasure to meet you, Andy”

“Wait - not the Claire Beauchamp that wrote the paper ‘Healing Mechanisms: The Synergy of the Body and Herbs’?

“Um…yeah that’s me. That was my Masters thesis; you’ve read it?”

“Only about a hundred times; it’s brilliant! I refer to it all the time when we’re looking at supplementary treatments for patients. I can’t believe I’m meeting the author! Sorry I should’ve mentioned, I’m an oncologist”

“That’s amazing! I mean, I wrote it hoping that it might be seen by a few Research Fellows, but to hear its had a real-world application is…well I’m very flattered!”

“It’s a top-notch paper, Claire; invaluable in my book. You should be really proud”

I blushed at his compliments, I wasn’t used to meeting people that even knew what Herbology was, let alone used in their everyday. 

“Sorry do you mind if I keep working? I’ve got to get these little guys depotted”

“Only if you don’t mind me staying here to chat, I don’t want to be a distraction?”

“I’m a woman, we can multitask!”

“Ha ha, I’ll bet!”

Andrew perched on a bench and I resumed my task.

“So, which hospital are you based out of?”

“West Glasgow Care, do you know it?”

“Sure do! I live right near there in Hillhead”

“Nice, that’s a lovely area. Hope you don’t mine me asking, but what’s a talented herbologist like you doing working as a gardener?”

“Well it’s its a bit more than just gardening, I specialise in creating functionalised spaces based on specific herbal needs”

“Right…well if you’re ever interested in lab work again I know a few people that’d kill to work with someone of your talent, myself included” 

“Where were you when I was working at a plant nursery for months on end?” I laughed.

Andrew smiled and was about to say something else when Jamie materialised at my side.

“Sassenach, we’re out of bonemeal fertiliser, I’ll need ye to come with me to the supplier to pick up some more”

“Right now? It’s just that I’m in the middle of setting up these pots for the decking area.  I think Rupert might be able to give you hand though?”

The chance of skipping out on a few hours of labour saw Rupert spontaneously emerge like a genie from the spout of a magic lamp.

“And if ye agree to stop at the bakery on the way back I’ll even carry the supplies for ye Jamie” Rupert confirmed.

“Aye, but ye…”

Jamie trailed off, whatever he was about to say floating away like the dried head of a dandelion.

“Sorted - ye right to spot me for a couple of pies Jamie? I err…forgot my wallet…”

Jamie and Rupert clomped off, the former’s irritation with the plan inversely proportionate to the latter’s excitement; Rupert really did love baked treats.

“Did your boss just call you Sassenach? Does he hate you or something?”

“Haha, no nothing like that. Just a um…nickname I suppose… ”

At one time I’d thought it was meant in warm affection, especially the way Jamie used to almost whisper it when we were standing close.  I wasn’t really sure anymore.

Andrew and I chatted a couple more minutes before he went inside to have lunch.  For the next few hours Angus, Willie and I whipped around the garden, getting as much done as we could before the evening’s darkness closed in.  After an extended period of potting I stood up, my spine cracking and creaking from crouching for so long.  I’d been working on a decked area that wrapped around the back and side of the house.  The relatively sheltered space meant that the array of pots and planter boxes we’d been preparing would be able the brave the harsh winter to come.

“Fancy a drink?”

Andrew held a small tray filled with glasses of lemonade; just what I needed after all the afternoon’s labours.

“You’re a godsend Andy; thanks!”

I took a sip, noticing immediately is wasn’t just regular lemonade.

“What have you added to this? …Is that thyme I’m tasting?”

“Ha - you do have a good palette! Yeah, I call it ‘Thyme for Lemonade’ get it?”

“Lucky the drink is a lot better than the joke!”

We giggled together; Andrew telling me how he’d started experimenting with adding herbs to all kinds of things after he’d read my paper. Apparently his efforts had been a big hit with his patients.

“Have you ever thought about doing research in China? Their knowledge of herbs is first rate - as I’m sure you’re aware.  In fact I did part of my residency in Beijing.”

“That must’ve quite the culture shock compared to downtown Glasgow!”

“Most definitely! It’s a fascinating place - perhaps we could grab a drink sometime and I can tell you some of the more colourful anecdotes from working in a public hospital during Chinese New Year!”

Andrew mimed a drunk person dancing, making me laugh.  Just then Jamie appeared; I mustn’t have seen him and Rupert return from their trip to the supplier. Eyes narrowing at Andrew, Jamie then turned to me. When he spoke his voice sounded different, colder.

“Claire, a word?”

Leaving Andrew on the deck, I followed Jamie to the front of the house, stopping next to the JDJ van.  He’d stayed silent as we walked, presumably waiting until we were out of earshot of anyone else.

Has he received some bad news?

Lips pursed in a tight thin line.  Fingers repeatedly curling and uncurling as he formed a fist.  Breaths deep and controlled.  I’d never seen Jamie like this before.

“Is everything ok?”

“I don’t know Claire, you tell me?”

“Is this about the planter boxes, because I’ve shown Willie what to do; there won’t be any issues with drainage”

“That isna what I was referring to”

“No?”

“No”

Jamie paused, breathing loudly though his nostrils; he reminded me of a bull scraping the ground just before it charged. Turns out my assessment wasn’t too far off the mark.

“How about ye start by filling me on what ye’ve been doin’ this afternoon?”

“Well Angus and I plumbed in the water feature, then I started on…”

“Stop Claire, ye ken full well that’s not what I mean”

I honestly had no idea what he was taking about. To be honest, the whole afternoon had been fairly uneventful.

Unless...? No that’s impossible, Beauchamp.

“Fine, if ye willna talk I will.  I ask ye to come with me to get supplies and ye tell me ye too busy yet stand there talking to the owner. I come back two hours later and ye’re still chatting wi’ him; this time sipping bloody cocktails together!”

“This is what you dragged me away from everyone to discuss? Are you serious?”

“Very.  What’s going on?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Where was this coming from?  

I accept a drink from an owner and all of a sudden I’m some time-wasting lush?!  

My mouth went dry and I felt a light sheen of sweat spring up all over me; if Jamie thought I was just going to stand here and tolerate being spoken to this way, he had another thing coming.

“If this is a line of enquiry you really want to go down then fine, let’s discuss shall we? First, I wasn’t ‘sipping a cocktail’, it was lemonade for god’s sake!  Second, Andy only came to offer me a drink two minutes ago! In the hour and half before that I was on my hands and knees planting rosemary seedlings.  But if you’re worried about me not doing the work you’re paying me for, by all means feel free to check with Willie and Angus!”

“Andy? Ye’re best friends now are ye?”

“Of course not, I was just being friendly.  What exactly is the problem here?”

“The problem is that ye shouldna be fraternising wi’ clients when ye’re working! Having a lax attitude reflects badly on the business”

“A lax attitude? Wow.  Just so I’m clear, you’re saying it’s not ok to talk to owners? Because I don’t recall you having a problem with it before today? In fact I distinctly recall you telling Angus just last week that he needed be more responsive when owners ask questions about their gardens. Hmm?”

“Not the same. In fact this is completely different”

“How?”

“Well for starters, this “Andy” wasna asking about the garden, was he?  From the way he was lookin’ at ye I doubt he’d have even noticed if we covered the whole place in AstroTurf.”

“The way he was looking at me? Oh please, enough of this bull shit Jamie!”

“Oh I’m not done, Claire.  I heard all those personal questions he was askin’ ye.  Other than needing landscaping, we dinna ken the first thing about the man! I mean, should ye really be tellin’ him where ye live?”

“He works at the West Glasgow Care Hospital and I said it’s round the corner from my place; that’s hardly telling him where I keep my spare key!  And so what if I tell him where I live, I can’t see how that’s any of your business?”

“When yer on my time it is!”

As the conversation became more heated we’d stepped closer, until we were right in each other's faces.  Jamie’s cold demeanour had given way to venom-laced yelling at a tone and volume I’d matched completely.  To anyone observing we probably looked like a couple of hissing cats, but at that point I couldn't have cared less.  Holding up my wrist, I tapped my watch in an exaggerated manner.

“Well would you look at that, right on five o’clock! Guess I’m on my time now.  Goodbye Jamie, hope you have a fabulous weekend!”

“We arena done here!”

“I think you’ll find we are!”

With that I whirled around and stomped away. 

Fuck him! Where does he get off speaking to me like that? Anyone’d think I’d been shagging Andy on the garden bench!

I walked around the back to collect my things.  My hands shaking as I packed my tools and gloves, I clenched my jaw to stop angry tears from bubbling up.

“Everything ok, Claire?”

Andrew stood next to me; brow furrowed in confusion, concern in his hazel eyes.

“Just peachy.  In fact, I think I will take you up on that offer of a drink; tomorrow good for you?”

Chapter Text

The lights of Ashton Lane twinkled above as I walked along the cobblestones to meet Andy.  We’d agreed on place known locally as ‘The Chip’; a cosy pub with leather-covered booths and a good selection of whiskies.  The ideal spot to spend a wintery Saturday night.  Living in the West End meant I’d been to many of the bars and eateries in the area and in my more fanciful moments I’d pictured visiting them with Jamie.  Even though we’d never been out together, I could see it in my mind’s eye as clearly as any real memory.  

Standing at the bar holding hands, waiting to order.  

Drinking too much cheap beer and giggling at some dumb joke. 

Retreating to a dark corner to steal a secret kiss; the kind that left us both breathless and craving more, even while it was still happening.

Why do I keep torturing myself like this?

I looked up, dabbing my fingertips under my eyes; no point showing up tonight looking like a panda with over-active tear ducts. Especially when I was still so blood boilingly mad at Jamie.  

Since storming out of work the day before I’d spent far more time than I’d care to admit ruminating on the reasons for Jamie’s outburst.  That he didn’t like Andy was clear, but why he’d lashed out so strongly at me was a mystery.  The atmosphere at Jardin de James was always fairly relaxed and laid back; yes, there was work to be done but Jamie never took on the persona of drill sergeant to ensure it was accomplished.  Did he honestly believe I’d spent the afternoon doing nothing but stand around talking? The suggestion was a complete insult and not for the first time I wished I’d slapped my jerk of a boss for being so rude and unprofessional.

Our argument must have been on Jamie’s mind too; since then he’d phoned four times. Assuming it was just him wanting to yell at me some more I hadn’t bothered answering; after the most recent call, he sent a text:

Jamie: Can you please call me back when you get this.  I really need to speak to you.

With no reply from me, about ten minutes later another - final -  one had come through:

Jamie: Please?

Well, whatever he felt the desperate need to talk to me about could wait until Monday, I was in no mood to be spoken down to and accused of things I hadn’t done. It was time to focus on something that didn’t involve Jamie for a change.

___

I spotted Andy as soon as I entered the bar, seated at a small booth he waved me over, a warm smile on his face. When I reached the table he stood and kissed my cheek in greeting.

“Wow Claire - you look amazing! I mean not that you didn’t yesterday, it’s just that you, I mean…Sorry I’m a bit nervous!”

“Oh no really it’s fine - I um…don’t do this very often myself!”

“Now that I find very hard to believe” he said with a wink.

A proper wink, not two eyes closed like a large red owl...

“Claire?”

“Oh sorry, what did you say?”

“Just wanted to know if you’d like a drink?”

“A pinot noir would be great, thanks”

“Coming right up!” 

I ran sweaty palms over my jeans. Two minutes in and I already felt like I was failing at this.

Maybe try enjoying yourself for once instead of daydreaming about Jamie?

I took a calming breath and looked around the pub.  A roaring fire in the corner, glowing bulbs suspended from the ceiling, blackboards on the wall touting daily specials.  It was exactly the kind of place I’d moved to Scotland to enjoy.  It seemed I wasn’t the only one, the place was packed to the gills and I was grateful Andy had secured our spot; people arriving now only had the option of leaning against the overcrowded bar.  

Returning with our drinks, Andy settled into the booth and we began chatting.  Nothing too deep, it was general ‘getting to know you’ type stuff: Where did you go to uni? What got you into your line of work? Do you have any siblings? It was nice.

Look at me - having an adult conversation and not diluting it with thoughts of Jamie. Bravo!

“You know Claire, I was surprised you agreed to come out with me actually, after yesterday I was sure your boss was gonna throttle me and forbid you from leaving your house ever again!”

Ah shit...Quick...deflect with humour!

“Jamie’s not normally like that, I’m not sure what got into him? Perhaps he saw us drinking those delicious lemonades you made and got a bit jealous? Ha ha”

“Well he was jealous of something, although I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the lemonade…”

I coughed awkwardly, not sure how to reply without opening up a giant can of worms about Jamie’s weird rant.

“Another round?”

“Great! Although I can get it?”

“No, I insist; plus I’m heavier than you so can muscle more people out of the way to get to the bar!”

“Ha ha, ok! Thanks Andy”

With a smile he was off.  Watching him walk away,  a flash of red caught my eye.

No fucking way - it can’t be?!

I did a double take, but there was no mistaking who it was; slowly sipping a glass of whiskey as he leaned against the bar, was Jamie.  He wore a fitted grey shirt and dark jeans, his hair combed out of the usual riot it was when working.  Butterflies beat their wings in my stomach at the sight; he looked incredible.  Deep in conversation with a blonde haired man, despite the merriment of the pub, Jamie looked unutterably sad.  Features downturned and shoulders hunched, he kept checking his phone and running a hand through his hair.  His companion seemed to be trying to console him, but Jamie appeared lost in his own thoughts.  The blonde man must’ve said something that lit a spark as Jamie looked up suddenly with fire in his eyes.  Too far away to hear what was said, I saw him gesticulating wildly, holding up four fingers in his friend’s face before going back to checking his phone.  The blonde man patted Jamie on the back sympathetically and signalled the bartender for another round.

Stay calm Beauchamp - he doesn’t know you’re here and with the place so crowded to he’s unlikely to.

The thought had barely been formed when Jamie turned his head; looking straight in my direction.  Confusion rippled across his face, as though he couldn't believe I was really there.  When he had decided I was in fact real, he didn’t take his eyes off me.  Deep blue orbs bore into me intensely; it reminded me of the way he’d sized me up on my first day at Jardin de James.  I expected his expression to morph into the anger from the day before, in fact it was quite the opposite.  Face softening and the corners of his mouth turning up slightly, it transformed into a proper smile when I’d returned one of my own.  I abstractly realised that this would’ve been the first time Jamie had seen me in anything other than grubby work clothes and wondered what he thought of my appearance.  My cheeks flushing, I couldn't look away; I felt pulled to him as though he’d thrown out a rope and lassoed my heart.  I’d have cringed at myself for being so corny if I’d had the bandwidth to think of anything but Jamie at that point.  Giving the smallest of nods to his friend, he began weaving his way through the crowded pub towards me, never once breaking our eye contact.  The closer he got to the booth the more my skin tingled in anticipation of his touch; would he hug me hello?  Would I finally feel his strong arms wrapped around me?

Illogical as it was, in that moment I forgot about being angry at Jamie and was just happy seeing him smile again.  It took me back to weeks ago, before all the anguish of the ambulance ride and the weirdness that had existed between us ever since.  My unreturned feelings aside, was it too much to hope that we could we at least try to be friends?  

Jamie was no more than half a dozen feet from the booth when Andy stepped in front of him with our drinks.

“Sorry about the wait - took bloody ages at the bar! I got us a whole bottle this time so we won’t have to wade through those crowds again anytime soon” 

Stopping mid-stride, it was as though Jamie had walked into an invisible door.  The initial shock didn’t last long; posture stiffening and eyes narrowing, the soft smile on his face was wiped off, replaced by a tightly clenched jaw.

Now he’s angry at me again? Just because I’m here with Andy?

I expected him to charge over and give me another lecture on ‘fraternising with clients’, instead he just stood still, colour rising in his cheeks as he rubbed the heel of his hand over his chest.  The blonde man appeared at Jamie’s side, pursing his lips when he saw me. 

“C’mon mate, let’s go back to the bar”

“How long am I gonna be punished for this? I feel like I’m fighting wi’ one hand tied behind my back”

“Yeah I know, but now is not the time to discuss it. Let’s go”

Jamie didn’t budge so much as an inch; a 6’4” oak tree planted right in the middle of the pub.  His friend made an attempt to pull him away but Jamie was having none of it, aggressively throwing off the hand on his arm.

“Get off me, John!”

“Enough of this! You’re making a scene.”

“I dinna give a fuck!”

I gripped the edge of the table, unsure if I’d need to duck under it for cover; Jamie looked seconds away from all-out brawling.  As he continued to stare daggers, I huffed a laugh; how could I have been feeling such tenderness towards him?  All I felt now was embarrassment - both for him and for me.

By some miracle the hubbub of the bar had managed to cover the sound of Jamie’s outburst and it went unnoticed by Andy.  I turned my focus back to him and plastered on the most convincing smile I could muster.

“Thanks for the vino, I’m parched!”

“You’re very welcome”

“So, let’s hear about this trip to Beijing - it must have been an amazing experience!”

With a grin Andy began to regale me with tales from his time as an intern in China; I could still see Jamie standing nearby glowering, but I paid him no attention.  

From removing chop sticks stuck in nostrils to setting 17 fractures in a day after a kung-fu tournament went awry, Andy’s stories were both funny and fascinating. In combination with the wine, I found myself laughing a lot more than I’d expected to, given the start to the evening.  When I looked back at Jamie his head hung low and his shoulders were slumped. Soon after the blonde man whispered something in his ear and - nodding - Jamie finally agreed to be lead away.

I should’ve been happy to see him finally leave but I just felt sad.  Whatever had been between us seemed completely gone, snuffed out by anger and pain.

___

The dull grey light on Monday morning matched my mood.  After the farce in the pub I had no idea what to expect when I got into the office.  More yelling? More acting like I’d killed Bambi’s mum cos I’d been out with Andy?  With Jamie’s contrariness lately, it was impossible to tell.  I briefly considered calling in sick, but why delay the inevitable - I’d have to face him sometime.  

Willie was setting up his bluetooth speaker when I arrived.

“Hiya Claire! Wanna have a guess what song I’m playing first today?”

Translation: Have a guess what Guns ‘n’ Roses song I’m playing first today

“Hmm…Is it Sweet Child o’ Mine?”

“Nope! Here’s a hint!”

Grinning excitedly, he pointed to the window where fat drops had started falling from the sky, splattering against the glass.

“Paradise City?”

“No - November Rain! Get it?!”

“But it’s December…”

“Och - ye missin’ the point! This is why I have control of the music around here!”

I chuckled and made my way to my desk. I’d no sooner sat down when Jamie emerged from the kitchen and immediately stalked towards me, a determined look on his face.

“Claire!”

“Hello.”

“Could I have a word with with ye?”

“I only just got in, bit early to start yelling at me for me slacking off isn’t it?”

An air of extreme awkwardness about him, Jamie rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground, the tips of his ears glowing pink.

“No, I wasna going to yell…it’s just that…well I’d really like to speak to ye… if that’s ok?” 

“Fine”

Jamie motioned for me to follow him into the meeting room. Both seated at the large table, he paused a moment and swallowed.  Drumming his fingers on the polished wood, he seemed to be building up to something; I waited for him to begin.  And waited and waited…  

“Look if you’re trying to work up the nerve to fire me, just get it over with and put us both out of our misery, ok?!”

“Fire ye? God no, I’m tryin’ to work about the best way to start apologising to ye!”

“You are?”

“Aye”

He swallowed, then squared his shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.

“The way I spoke to ye the other day…it was awful.  I had a go at ye for being unprofessional when it’s clear the only person who was acting that way was me.  I really am so verra sorry.”

“I agree, you were unprofessional.  And condescending. And belligerent. And rude… So why should I believe you?  The last thing you said me on Friday was ‘we aren’t done here’; so forgive me for thinking your so-called apology seems a little out of left field.”

“The minute ye left I knew what I’d done was wrong.  That’s why I kept calling ye, I needed to tell ye straight away how sorry I was.  There’s never been one second that I’ve had cause to doubt your work ethic; I never should have accused ye the way I did. I said more than I meant”

“You need to understand that I won’t tolerate being spoken to that way; not in my professional life or in my personal one.  As my boss you’re entitled to comment on my performance, but dragging me off to scream at me is completely unacceptable”

“I know and I canna say sorry enough.”

He reached out to touch my hand with his own, then thinking better of it, pulled back and rested it on the table.  I stayed silent, my thoughts racing.

“Is that not enough, Claire? Do ye wish to resign?”

“I’m sure there’s some people that would after what you did.  But you still haven’t told me why?  This can’t have come from nowhere; what’s going on?

Sighing, Jamie closed his eyes and rubbed a hand across his forehead.

“Well?”

Cheeks turning the shade of a field of poppies, Jamie bit his lower lip and stared at the ground; like he wanted it to open it up and swallow him.  When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper.

“I was jealous…”

He cleared his throat.

“I am jealous”

“Of what?”

“Ye doctor friend.  Jealous of what he can offer ye that I can’t.  I heard him Sassenach, he can get ye a fancy position at the hospital or help ye go do research in China.  I can’t do any of that, even though I’d give anything to have ye stay.”

He took some deep breaths to try and calm himself.

“I got upset at the thought of losin’ ye. I know how lucky we are to have someone like ye at our little company, but instead of making ye feel valued, I lashed out and accused ye of things that weren’t true. I’m so ashamed.” 

Jamie stood; wringing his hands together, he took several paces towards the window.

“When I saw ye at The Chip I thought it was fate giving me a second chance, I so badly wanted to talk to ye and try and make things right.  When I saw ye with that doctor… I saw red again. I was convinced he was gonna take ye away and it would’ve all been my fault.”

He let out a shaky breath.

“I want ye to know that should ye wish to leave and do work that’s more suited to your talents, ye’ll have my full support. I want ye to do what’s best for you, because ye deserve to be happy Claire, even if it isna here”

He stared out the window, like he couldn’t bare look back and face what might happen. I got up, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him around.

“Jamie, there’s never been a question of whether I’m doing something suited to my talents, if I’d wanted to work in some stuffy lab, I would be. I applied to work here because I want to be outdoors, in nature, making a difference to people’s homes, to their lives.”

He looked up then, eyes glassy; I gave a knowing smile.

“And when my boss isn’t being an insufferable prat, I actually really like my job”

“Ye do??”

“Yes”

“So yer stayin’?”

I nodded, smiling.

“Oh thank God, Claire”

Quite unexpectedly Jamie lunged forward and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace.  The wool of his jumper was scratchy against my face; with his warmth surrounding me, I put my arms around him, too.  Without looking I knew the tears that’d sat on his eyelashes were now rolling down his cheeks.

“Thank ye for giving me another chance Sassenach, I know it’s more than I deserve.  And I promise ye’ll always know how much I value ye here.  Always.”

Chapter Text

One frosty day in late January we were expecting a special visitor onsite; Jamie’s nephew, Wee Jamie.  With Jenny now almost eight months into her pregnancy, Ian had organised a weekend away for them at Stobo Castle, a spa hotel about sixty miles south of Glasgow.  

“Far enough away that Jen canna even think about opening any affidavits or legal briefs!” Ian had told me excitedly in the office, earlier that week.  

The plan was for Wee Jamie to be dropped off with his uncle on the Friday, allowing Ian and Jenny forty-eight child-free hours until Jamie brought their son back on the Sunday night.  Ian was practically hopping from one foot to another in excitement as he thumbed through the castle’s brochure.

“Dinna think I don’t love the lad, Claire. But with Jen’s working hours and plannin’ for the new bairn I can’t think of the last time we did something just the two of us”

I smiled at him in understanding, poor man was clearly desperate for an evening that didn’t involve watching Paw Patrol and scraping mashed vegetables off the floor.

I was planting herbs in a small greenhouse when they arrived and trotted out across the icy lawn to greet them.  At three years old Wee Jamie was barely at his father’s hip height so when they held hands the boy’s arm was straight up in the air like he was trying to get the attention of a school teacher. My heart melted at the sight.

“Hiya Claire!”

“Hello!”

Ian smiled and ruffled his son’s hair.

“Laddie, I’ve got someone very special for ye to meet.  This is Claire”

His little body turned into his father’s leg, Wee Jamie shyly mumbled hello. I gave Ian a wink.

“But you said Wee Jamie was coming to visit us today, this can’t be him - he’s far too grown up! Where’s the real Jamie?”

“I’m here!”

“You’re Wee Jamie?”

“Aye!”

I crouched down next to him and held out my hand.

“It’s wonderful to meet you Jamie, I’ve heard lots about you!”

“Ye have?”

“Mmm hmmm, your Dad and your Uncle talk about you all the time”

“They do? Did they tell ye I’m a good boy, cos I am. Da says I can have a treat when I’m a good boy”

I bit back a laugh as he looked at me earnestly.

“Jamie’s still out with Willie picking up some gravel, but Wee Jamie’s welcome to come hang out with me if you like?”

“Are ye sure?  Thanks, yer a lifesaver! Jen’s been looking forward to this for weeks so I can’t afford to be late!” He smiled gratefully and turned to his son.

“Do ye promise to be well behaved for Claire?”

“Aye, Da”

“There’s a good lad”

With a cheeky grin, Wee Jamie took a couple of hurried steps towards me before throwing his little arms around me in a hug.  We waved goodbye to Ian and made our way towards the greenhouse.

“Those are some very smart knee pads you’ve got there.”

Face lighting up with pride, he stopped and did a little twirl; it was unbelievably sweet.

“They’re blue.  That’s my favourite colour.  Uncle Jamie gave them to me so I can do lamb-skating with him”

Oh my goodness! I just want to bundle you up in my arms and give you a squeeze you little cutie-pie!

“You’re a very lucky boy.  Would you like to some landscaping with me today?”

“Yes please!”

___

For the next hour we potted and watered all manner of plants. After that I showed Wee Jamie different types of herbs, letting him touch, taste and smell as much as possible as I knew this would embed in his memory much more than me rattling off a list of scientific names. He was an affable and inquisitive child and -  like his uncle - had a clear love of all things green. When his little legs got tired from stretching up to reach the bench, I carried him on my hip as we continued working.

“This one’s a woolly hedgenettle”

“Woolly head metal”

I chuckled at his adorable attempt at pronunciation.

“Very good! It’s also called a Lamb’s-ear.  See, the leaves are soft just like a baby lamb’s”

Little fingers reached out to stroke the leaves as though it were an actual lamb.  

“Do you know what noise a sheep makes?”

“Baa!”

“That’s right! Baa”

We giggled together, doing our best impression of a flock of sheep.  Half a minute later, Wee Jamie’s attention was diverted and I turned us around to see what’d caught his eye.  Leaning against the doorframe of the greenhouse, looking very much like a ginger cat watching fish swim about in a pond, was Jamie.

“Uncle Jamie!”

“Hiya laddie!”

Quickly closing the gap between us, Jamie chucked his nephew under the chin, beaming at him affectionately.

“How long have you been hiding in the corner over there?”

“Long enough”

He moistened his lips with his tongue, the tips of his ears pinking slightly. 

“Look! Look! I got to dig in the dirt!” 

Wee Jamie held up his soil-covered hands triumphantly.  The look of delight on his pudgy little cheeks was infectious.

“I can see that, were ye digging with your face, too?”

He laughed and wiped the dirt from his nephew’s nose.

“Was this a technique you taught him, Sassenach?”

I looked at Jamie in confusion but he just chuckled.

“Ye’ve dirt all over your face, too”

“I do?”

Jamie nodded, a broad smile on his face and amusement twinkling in his eyes.  There was no way to remedy my current state, with arms full of wriggly toddler I didn’t have any hands free to clean my face.  Before I could put the boy down, Jamie leaned in close, using the pad of his thumb to delicately wipe my cheek.  The softness of his touch was surprising, given these were the same hands I’d seen break branches clean off a tree trunk. His finger moved slowly and I fought the urge to lean into his palm.  Blushing, I smiled shyly, but couldn’t look away.   There was a definite tenderness in his demeanour which I attributed to happiness at seeing his nephew, but couldn't help but wish was partly for me, too. 

“All done” 

A lop-sided smile on his face, he bopped me on the nose with a fingertip before turning his attention back to Wee Jamie.

___

It was an unseasonably chipper Joe that greeted me at brunch on Sunday. 

“Did Ellen DeGeneres finally call and ask you to be a guest on her show?

“No, but I’m never letting go of the dream.  I know in my heart we’d be best friends”

“Best friends?”

“Sorry, second-best friends, no one could replace you Lady J!”

“I should think so.  But that still doesn’t explain your effervescence…Spill, Abernathy!”

“I met someone!”

Our excited squeals and clapping quickly attracted the attention of other diners but neither of us cared.

“Ok - tell me everything!”

“Well…” he sighed dramatically “Earlier this week we had a school group come through…

You’d never guess it to look at him, but Joe was a librarian; it’s how we met actually. I was studying late one night and working my way through a family-sized bag of Doritos; Joe busted me but promised not to kick me out so long as I shared the chips.  We’d been best friends ever since.

“…and you know how those groups are just an excuse for the teachers to let the kids loose, like we’re some kind of zoo with bookshelves, so I was ready to pull aside whomever was in charge and read them the riot act when I saw him…”

Joe told me the man in question was from Tuscany, had shoulder-length black hair, a ‘sexy accent’ and worked as a teacher at a local primary school.  My bestie was prone to frequent bouts of infatuation but I could already tell this was something different.

“Oh my god Jo-Jo, I’m so happy for you! So when do I get to meet this Italian Stallion? Is it too early to bring him to brunch?”

“No, I think he’s brunch-worthy, but just a once-off: brunch is our time and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by making out at the table!”

I threw a balled-up napkin at Joe in protest, causing him to cackle.

“Wait, what is this amazing-potential husband called?”

“Gael”

“Oh definitely sounds sexy”

“I know!! So that’s my love-life, what about yours? Still seeing the Doctor?”

“Hmmm, yeah, I guess”

“Yikes! With that level of enthusiasm I won’t book my maid-of-honour tux just yet.  What’s the go? I thought you liked him?”

“I do, it’s just well…I dunno.  How long does it take to really feel a spark with someone?”

“If you’re asking the question I think you already know the answer, honey”

“Well maybe I just take longer to vibe with people? Like a personality disorder or something?”

Joe rolled his eyes.

“What’s that look for?”

“You face-timed me on Friday night and spent twenty minutes telling me about your afternoon of lamb-skating with the Highlander and his nephew and I don’t think you stopped smiling once the entire time.  And now you’re telling me you have some condition that means you can’t vibe with people?”

“That was different, I was discussing work, I love my job; you know that.”

Joe made exaggerated air quotes with his hands.

“Your ‘job’…oh sorry, my bad”

“What do you want me to say? I told you Jamie and I are just friends.  He’s madly in love with his supermodel wife, end of story. Yes, there may have been a time when I’d hoped he felt differently, but he’s made it abundantly clear that he values me as an employee, nothing more. And I’m totally fine with that.”

“Oh Lord!” 

Joe downed the remainder of his mimosa in one gulp then looked me straight in the face.

“Abundantly clear? Do you need your eyes checked? Or your brain? Because I’m beginning to think the only person who is buying this ‘just friends’ crap, is you!”

“I am not!”

I crossed my arms, pouting.

“I’m not trying to upset you babe, but please be honest with me here - are you only still seeing Andy to convince yourself that's you're moving on from Jamie?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but Joe wasn’t finished.

“Before you say anything, please know that it’s ok to not be over the red head. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone”

A thought of Jamie brought on an involuntary smile, the kind where I’d bite my lip to stop it from becoming a foolish grin.  A thought of Andy…well I couldn’t honestly say that I found myself thinking of him all that often.

“But Jamie and I are friends Joe.  I want him in my life.  I…I…”

The thought remained unfinished as I began to tear up.

Christ! What is wrong with me today?

Even the idea of him being gone made my heart hurt.  If he only ever saw me as a friend, so long as I could be close to him then I could live with that.  I pictured Jamie after the bee sting, lying motionless on the ground, when I thought I’d lost him.  The memory felt like a weighed vest, dragging me back to a moment of sadness and anguish. Joe jumped out his chair and pulled me into a hug.

“Come here you silly billy. No one’s suggesting that you have to stop being friends with Jamie. But you don’t need to pretend you’re into someone else to validate the friendship either”

I sniffed loudly and pulled back from Joe, wiping under my eyes.

“It wasn’t intentional”

“I know.  But I can’t sit back and watch you waste time on the wrong guy just to prove some weird point to yourself.” 

“I guess I was hoping that if I was ‘just friends’ with Jamie then I’d be able to develop feelings for someone else?”

“I don’t exactly know what you’ve got going on with that boss of yours, it’s unusual that’s for sure. But don’t live your life with a guy that’s only 6/10 when you know what a 10/10 could feel like.  I’m not saying that’s Jamie; but it sure as hell isn’t the Doctor”

__ 

Walking home after brunch my phone buzzed with a new message:

Jamie: Wee Jamie keeps telling me I’m boring compared to you.  You’ve ruined 3 years of babysitting efforts in 1 afternoon!

Claire: I can’t be blamed for your poor uncle-ing skills!

Jamie: You can and are.  You need to tell me your secrets!

Claire: What’s in it for me?

Jamie:  I’ll buy you breakfast. No wait, it’s your turn to buy.  You could take me to breakfast?

Claire: I take you to breakfast *and* I tell you my child-whispering secrets? That’s hardly a fair deal, Fraser!

Jamie: Hey, can’t blame a guy for trying!  

His message made me laugh and I tried ignore the fact that my pulse had immediately jumped at thoughts of going out for breakfast again.  Three little dots appeared to tell me Jamie was typing another message. 

Jamie: So...the lad and I are going to the park this afternoon - wanna come?

An afternoon with my boss and his adorable nephew? It sounded too good for words. I knew I’d be seeing Jamie at work the next day, but I was greedy and wanted to see him now.  

A visit to the park is totally something friends would do isn’t it? Yeah it definitely is, no chance of mixed messages here.

In the time I'd spent ruminating, Jamie had texted again.

Jamie: Sorry, you’re probably busy. Maybe another time.  Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Claire:  I’m free, where shall I meet you gentlemen?

Jamie:  :-) :-) :-)

___

Of the three children's play areas at Kelvingrove Park, it wasn’t hard to find the one occupied by the “Two Jamies”.  Wild yelling in Gaelic echoed across the gardens, sounding more like something from a battlefield than a Sunday afternoon at the park. 

“Sassenach! Ye came!”

Jamie’s face lit up at my arrival, but only for a second before pint-sized Jamie barrelled into him at full tilt, knocking him flat on his back.  I stood over him, his face appearing upside down as I looked down with no attempt to hide my smirk.

“Is this three years of exemplary babysitting that I’m witnessing?”

“Ye either help me up or I’m draggin’ ye down here with me!”

“So surly today! Looks like someone lost their game of British Bulldogs!”

“I warned ye!”

Jamie grabbed my ankle and with a shriek I toppled over, my back landing across his shins.  I didn’t have time to get my bearings before Wee Jamie launched himself onto my stomach.

Jesus Christ! This kid definitely has a future career as a rugby player!

“I’ve only been here two minutes and I’m already thinking afternoon in front of the TV would’ve been a safer option”

“I wanted watch TV too, Uncle Jamie!”

“Aye ye did, lazy bones. But ye spend enough time in front of the screen as it is! How about we try the swings?”

Jumping up and helping Wee Jamie and I to our feet, as we made our way over to the swings, Jamie’s cheeks bloomed the colour of a delicate pink tea rose.  But it could just have been from the chilly weather.

___

Jamie looked out for his family at work, but seeing him with Wee Jamie was something else.  He positively doted on that kid and his nephew looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars.  Watching him carefully push the boy on the swing, they wore matching excited grins.  It wasn’t much of a leap to imagine Jamie as a dad and doing the same with his own kids.

I wonder what our kid would look like? Crazy curly hair, that’s for sure.  Hopefully Jamie’s deep blue eyes...

“What ye smiling about over there, Sassenach?”

Oh shit! Lie, Beauchamp!  

“Ah…um…just thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner”

Smooth...

“Well from the look on your face I’d say it’s something delicious”

Yeah, you could say that...

Growing bored with the swings, Wee Jamie jumped off and made a beeline for me.  I scooped him up and his little fists started yanking on one of my curls that’d slipped free.

“Sasquatch!”

“Is he calling me Sassenach now too?”

Jamie let out a snort of laughter.

“What is it?”

“He didna call ye Sassenach”

“Yes he did! Wee Jamie, my name is Claire thank you very much!”

My confusion was too much for Jamie and he broke out into full blown laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“The lad’s callin’ ye Sasquatch. Ye know the big ape that lives in the wilderness?”

I put down the boy and turned to Jamie who was still sniggering like a kid who’d just discovered the existence of whoopie cushions.

“He’s three, how does he even know what a Sasquatch is?”

“Well that’s cos his mam is obsessed with binge watching Finding Bigfoot on the Discovery Channel. But if my sister were to find out ye heard that from me, I would have to kill ye Sassenach.  Sorry Sasquatch”

“That is so not my new nickname”

“Well Wee Jamie does have a point, ye do look a bit like Bigfoot”

“Excuse me! I most certainly do not!”

“A very posh sounding Bigfoot, but aye the resemblance is clear.  Same shaggy brown mane”

Laughing, he pulled out the tie holding my hair up, my curls tumbling everywhere.

“Jamie!”

“Same fierce tempter too; verra scary”

Jamie made a roaring sound, his tiny namesake squealing in delight.

“Give that back!”

Jamie made to give it to me, before holding it up high and well out of my reach.  He grinned as I jumped to try and reclaim it, while Wee Jamie kept giggling as he danced around our feet. 

“Dinna let the Sasquatch hurt ye! Bigfoots attack Uncle Jamie!”

“Help me, lad!” 

He tossed the hair tie at his nephew who grabbed it and started to run off.

“Come here you little rascal!”

“Noooo!” 

Still squealing as I lunged for him, I was only inches away from grabbing the devious toddler when my attempt was thwarted.  A large arm hooked around my waist and pulled me backwards.

“Dinna fash, I’ve caught bigfoot for ye!”

“Yaaaaaay!”

Two hands around my waist, Jamie picked me up off the ground and spun around.  His little namesake was loving it, clapping and yelling out all the while.  The whole situation was so ridiculous, any attempts to sound angry were completely ineffectual, laughter bubbling up out of my throat as the garden whirled around in front of me.

“Unhand me at once, you fiend!”

I tried to pry his fingers open, but natural strength combined with years of manual labour, meant I was no match at all.  My feeble efforts seemed only to amuse Jamie further and I felt his body shake as he held me flush to his chest, his deep laughter ringing out across the park.  After a couple more spins and a lot more yelling from Wee Jamie, I was finally set back down.  The spinning had made me dizzy though and I stumbled forwards, in an instant Jamie’s strong warm hands were again around my waist.

“Sorry! Are ye all right?”

“I’ll live”

“I meant Wee Jamie.  He’s obviously had a terrible fright, what with being accosted by Bigfoot and all…”

“Oh this is my fault is it?”

“Most definitely, ye have a most confounding affect on people.  Even more so when that crazy mop of yours has been unleashed”

“You know it wouldn't have been unleashed if you hadn’t stolen my hair tie”

We were so close that the fog from our breaths mingled together in a whispy white cloud.  Wrapping one of my curls around his finger like it was an old-fashioned telephone cord, Jamie let out a little laugh as he pulled it straight.  That he had his hand around my waist and held me to him should have seemed inappropriate, but like the crunch of fresh snow under your feet, there was something about this that just felt right.

“My most humblest apologies to ye then, Sasquatch”

___

Not long after it was time to depart, we made our way to the edge of the park; my house was in the opposite direction to theirs.

“Thank ye for helping me taking care of Wee Jamie today, Sassenach. You’re a natural wi’ him. I’m sure ye’ll make a braw mam some day.”

“Oh, well I don’t know about that…”

“Aye, I’m sure of it”

We stood there staring at each other, but it didn’t feel awkward.

“Anyway, I’d better get this one home.  I’ll see ye at work tomorrow”

Stepping forward he placed a soft kiss on my cheek then headed off with Wee Jamie; the little boy jumping around his legs like an excitable pup.  Even before they were out of sight I put my palm over the spot he’d kissed as though it’d hold the memory of his lips in place.

Just friends? Right…

Chapter Text

A few weeks of snow kept the Jardin de James crew office-bound and it wasn’t long before everyone started to get under one another's feet.  One afternoon short fuses finally ignited and a huge fight erupted between Angus and Rupert over who’d eaten the last of Mrs Crook’s scones.  When Willie was discovered to be the culprit they’d both turned on him and threatened to smash his much-loved radio to smithereens. After Jamie and Ian stepped in to break up the fracas, seperate time-out corners were set up; much to all three lads’ chagrin.

“They’re like a pack of hibernating bears. Happy enough to head into a nice warm cave at the start of winter, but hungry and testy as all hell by the end of it” Jamie told me with a smile.

“I don’t mind too much, Spring is our most productive season because of it - just gotta get through these annoying times in late Winter when I feel like throttling them!”

Weak rays of sunshine in late February felt like the heat of the Sahara in comparison to the previous month and we all jumped at the chance to get out on site and put some much needed space between each other while working.  Well that wasn’t strictly true, more often than not Jamie and I would be side by side but we both seemed content to pretend this was nothing more than a coincidence. On days when we did find ourselves at opposite ends of the garden Jamie would always seem to have some terribly important question to ask about the lifecycle of rosemary or I would find myself in desperate need to understand how shade patterns impacted landscape design.

Being around you makes me so happy, I don’t really want to ruin it by trying to analyse why.

Bordering the Trossachs National Park is the small village of Croftamie.  Surrounded by scenic views and what would be lush green pastures come springtime, it was a wonderful location at which to work.  Being out in the fresh air seemed to put everyone in an optimistic mood and as we positioned stones for what was to become a rockery, Jamie told me about some of the places in Scotland that he couldn’t wait to visit now that the weather was starting to turn at last.

“There’s tons of bonnie spots of course, but the hidden valley at Glencoe really is my favourite.  The bottom’s littered with rocks the size of houses and if ye camp, at night you’re covered in a blanket of stars.  It’s magical”

“It sounds amazing. Do you think it’s suitable for a day hike too?”

“Oh absolutely.  I'd love to take ye there”

He looked at me with such enthusiasm, his face lighting up just talking about the rugged paths and craggy mountains.

“I mean, we could go…as in a group of us.  Ye could bring your doctor bloke if ye wanted to…?”

Is this the time to tell you that I broke up with him as even the idea of you was more appealing?

“Well the thing is, I'm not seeing him anymore…”

“You’re not? Are ye all right? He didna hurt ye, did he?”

Jamie’s eyes widended in concern, his gaze darting across my face as he looked for signs of upset.  Large hands gripped my shoulders before gently brushing up and down my arms. I felt my heart in my mouth.

“No Jamie, nothing like that.”

His shoulders relaxed immediately as he let out a huge breath.

“Oh…right.  In that case I’m very sorry to hear it didna work out”

“Thanks, I mean…we just weren’t the right match that’s all.”

“I’m sure that was nought to do with you, Sassenach. Any lad would be lucky to spend time with ye”

The sincerity in his words was completely disarming.  It made me want to tell him everything and I had to try very hard not to spill my soul then and there.

“That’s very kind of you to say but you’re my boss so you have to be nice, don’t you? Anyway, it’s not like I’m sitting at home heartbroken and crying into a into pint of Ben & Jerry’s; we only went out a few times”

Oh for god’s sake! What happened to not telling him everything?!

“I’m shutting up now, I doubt you want to hear about my failed relationships!”

He regarded me affectionately, a lopsided smile on his face.

“I’ll always listen to anything ye have to say, I hope ye know that by now.” 

___ 

In the following weeks Ian and Jamie spent increasing amounts of time squirrelled away in the meeting room, working on some top secret project that the rest of us weren’t privy to.  Rupert’s attempts to sneak a peek were met with a loud “sod off!” yelled through a door that was slammed in his face, much to the amusement of the rest of the JDJ crew.

Coming out of the meeting room one morning, Jamie stoically announced that Jenny was in labour.  Waiting on Ian’s phone call for an update didn’t seem to be his forte and after doing a seventh lap of the office clicking his fingers absentmindedly, everyone had had enough.

“Jesus Jamie, would ye sit down already! Ian’ll call when there’s news. Ye ken it can take ten hours sometimes, aye?”

“Thank ye Rupert. I’ll be sure to remember your kind understanding when one of your kin has a bairn”

“Jenny is my kin ye dolt, but ye dinna see me faffing about the office waitin’ for the phone to ring!  I canna believe I’m the one sayin’ this, but don’t ye have some work to do?”

“He does have a point Jamie.  I’m going to a supplier to pick up some seeds; want to come with me? Could help take your mind off things?”

He smiled at me bashfully.

“Yeah, all right”

___

In the car on the way there Jamie kept jiggling his leg and tapping fingers on the dashboard; something was clearly on his mind.

“Is everything ok? You know Ian will call as soon as the baby’s been born”

“Aye, I know. It’s just…”

He paused, teeth running across his bottom lip as he struggled to find the right words.

“My Mam, she died in childbirth wi’ my little brother.  I know medicine’s  come a long way since then, but I canna help worrying that something’s gonna go wrong”

“Oh I’m so sorry Jamie, I didn’t know. That must have been devastating; no wonder this has been such a tense time for you”

“Everything was fine when Wee Jamie was born, but I’ll feel a lot happier about the new bairn just as soon as I know they’re both safe and healthy”

There wasn’t anything I could say that would suddenly make it ok, so I took his hand and squeezed gently; hoping to infuse some hope at the very least.

“Jenny is very lucky to have you”

He smiled at me, squeezing back.

___

We’d been at the supplier about half an hour when Jamie’s mobile rang; in a rush to answer he very nearly dropped his phone into a large tub of petunias.  After a tense beat as he listened to Ian, an ear to ear grin told me all was well and that his new niece or nephew must have finally arrived.

“Och that’s brilliant Ian! Congrats to ye both, although we both ken Jen willna let ye take any of the credit! Uh huh…no I’m just at a supplier but yeah sure, we can be right over”

He hung up and turned to me, eyes bright.

“I’ve a wee niece!”

“That’s fantastic Jamie! I’m so happy for you!”

I hugged him in congratulations; strong arms wrapping around me in return.  

“Thank ye, Sassenach”

For almost a minute we just stood in an embrace; relief that his family was all right flooding through us both.

“Will ye come to the hospital with me?”

His words were muffled, spoken into my hair; I pulled back from our hug to clarify. 

“As in, now?”

“Yeah, we can go straight from here…if ye wanted to that is?”

“Are you sure I wouldn't be intruding?”

“Course not, you're practically part of the family now anyway…I mean that is to say, you've met everyone that's gonna be there already. Well except for my little niece and we can meet her together”

His excitement at being an uncle for the second time was hard to say no to and I found myself agreeing, despite reservations that such an intimate moment maybe should be for immediate family only. 

Arriving at the hospital, the nurse told us there’d be a short wait as Baby Murray was having a wee bath.  Sitting in the waiting room until they were ready; conversation soon turned to speculation on what Jenny and Ian would name their new arrival.

“My suggestion’s Dalhousie”

“Oh surely not?! That’s a terrible name!”

“A terribly strong name, Sassenach; the bairn would be lucky to be named after such an important castle”

I couldn’t help laughing at his attempt to be earnest about what was, frankly, the worst name I’d ever heard.

“You want to name a cute little baby after a castle? In that case, it’s a shame it wasn’t twins; they could've called the other one Cawdor”

Jamie was sniggering himself but still trying to stick with his original assertion that it was a suitable name.

“I say it’s perfect”. 

He poked my cheek, giggling.

“Well I say it’s awful!” 

I poked him back, my fingertip trailing across several days’ scruff.   

The hospital seats were the kind where they were all joined together in a row; we were side by side and our legs and arms touched as we sat close, both leaning forward conspiratorially.

“Well if you love it so much, you can save it for your own kid”

“Oh, I intend to!” 

His eyes were practically glowing in challenge as he looked straight at me.

“…and they’ll be laughed right out of school”

“Dinna be saying such things about poor little Dalhousie Fraser!”

Jamie playfully shoved me with his shoulder, looking across with a broad smile. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as we both sat there laughing.

It’s times like this that I swear the world’s only made up of you and me

“Hello Jamie”

Jamie’s head snapped in the direction of the man who’d called out to him.  About six-foot tall with black hair and what I’d come to recognise as Fraser eyes; it had to be Jenny and Jamie’s Dad.

“Hiya Da”

Getting up to give his father a brief hug, I stood back and waited to be introduced; it turned out this was unnecessary.

“And this must be Claire?”

“Aye. Claire, this is my Da; Brian”

“Lovely to meet you Mr Fraser. Congratulations, you must be so excited to meet your second grandchild!”

“Thank ye, I am”

His demeanour was certainly not that of an excited grandparent; something felt very wrong.  I looked to Jamie for direction but he was scuffing the floor with the toe of his shoe.

Is Jamie’s Dad not happy about the baby?

Taking a step away, Brian motioned to his son; when he spoke it was in a harsh whisper which was largely redundant as he was still audible to everyone in the waiting room.

“Interesting choice of companion today.  Where’s ye lovely wife, mo mac?”

“She’s working. Ye ken that.”  

“Well so are ye and Claire, yet here we are”

“Must ye do this now?”

“When then Jamie? When ye decide to bring her to Christmas dinner?”

“We’re here to support Jenny and Ian. How ‘bout ye leave the judgement on my life choices for another day, aye?”

“Good point, what would I ken about being marrit anyway?”

Switching to Gaelic, their tone was still clear.  Blue eyes flashing, neither was willing to back down; the slight difference in their heights irrelevant as they sniped in each other's faces.  The happy bubble that Jamie and I had been in moments before was well and truely burst; my presence at the hospital clearly unwanted by the Fraser patriarch. 

Just because you’re living in denial about Jamie being married doesn’t mean everybody else is

“Sorry to interrupt, I should get going.  Nice to meet you Mr Fraser”

Jamie shot his father an angry look then turned to me, his eyes immediately softening.

“I’m so sorry Claire, please dinna leave”

My cheeks flaming red, I pulled him aside, embarrassed to be the cause of such a scene on what was supposed to be a joyful occasion.

“I’m clearly intruding on a family moment and making things awkward with your dad. I shouldn't have come”

“No, we shouldna have spoken that way in front of ye.  Please believe that my Da is angry with me, not you”

“I’m not an idiot Jamie, I can see he’s mad at you for bringing me.  But he’s right; this is for family only - and I’m an employee”

I should’ve said, ‘it’s your wife that’s meant to be here, not me,’ but even in my mortified state I couldn’t bring myself to mention Ann by name.  

Jamie sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.  With a pained expression, he picked up one of my hands and ran a thumb across my knuckles.

“Sassenach, I’m so sorry I keep putting ye in situations where I stuff up and you’re forced to accept an apology from me. I know it isn’t fair and that ye deserve better”

“What’s going on?”

He huffed a laugh, running a hand through his hair, then shook his head and looked down at me with a small smile of amusement.

“What?”

“Ye see through me every time don’t ye? Never let me just feel sorry for myself”

“I can see that you're trying to apologise, but honestly Jamie, I met your Dad all of five minutes ago and he already hates me.”

C’mon Beauchamp, stop avoiding the elephant in the room

“Did he not like us sitting together?  Does he think that we're more than just friends?”

Can he see how I feel about you?

“No, god no that’s not it at all! It’s…well it’s just that he doesn’t agree with certain choices I’ve made and we’ve not seen eye to eye for a little while now.  None of that is to do with you though! I’m sorry to have made ye feel you're not wanted here;  I know that Jenny and Ian are dyin’ for ye to meet their bairn. Will ye stay…please?”

Jamie’s tone was pleading, his eyes full of remorse.

“I’m sorry Claire, I didna mean to get off on the wrong foot.  We Frasers can get a little…hot headed.”

I looked up to see Brian wearing a shameful expression that perfectly matched his son’s.

One minute screaming, the next contrite; what the actual fuck is going on?

I stayed silent, uncertain how to interpret his seeming about-face.  He continued, a softness in his features and voice.

“Every time I see Wee Jamie he tells me I’ve just got to meet ye. I’m sae sorry to make ye feel unwelcome”

They both stood there looking at me like a couple of five year olds about to confess to their mother that they’d shoplifted.

“Are you sure? Because I’m more than happy to meet the baby another time”

“Of course, ye must stay, lassie.”

The look of relief on Jamie’s face was palpable.  Putting a gentle arm around my shoulders, Brian led me back to the seats.

“Jamie tells me yer very talented when it comes to herbal remedies. I’d say he’s verra lucky to finally have someone working for him with more than half a brain.  My son in-law notwithstanding of course”

“I’m sure he’s grossly exaggerated my abilities, but yes, it’s something of a passion project of mine”

I spent the time until we were called to Jenny’s room getting to know Brian.  He was a kindly man with a dry wit and twinkling eyes; every inch the Fraser that Jenny and Jamie were. That he asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in the work I did was all the more baffling considering his earlier attitude. Jamie didn’t say much, just hovering nearby with an expression that looked very much like pride.

Must be a relief to have his Dad meet an employee that doesn’t start throwing punches over a missing scone...

When it was finally time to meet Baby Murray, we were ushered into the room and the sight that greeted us had me tearing up immediately.  Jenny was sitting in the bed holding her new daughter, flanked either side by Ian and Wee Jamie.  All were positively beaming.  With whispers reserved for newborns we approached for a closer look. Eyes screwed shut with a tuft of dark brown hair peaking from beneath a knitted cap, cherubic cheeks huffed little breaths in and out.  Chest puffed out, Ian announced:

“May I introduce Caitlin Ellen Murray”

On cue little Caitlin opened her eyes, causing all assembled to respond with many ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’.  I ducked my head, hoping that Jenny wouldn't mind me being at her family event. I needn’t have worried, seeing me hanging back she motioned me over to say hello.

“Oh Jenny she’s beautiful!”

“Thank ye Claire.  For the two hours she’s been alive she hasna put a foot wrong. All down hill from here I think!” she chuckled.

An older woman bustled into the room.

“Hiya folks, I’m Nurse FitzGibbons. I see the extended clan has arrived, how about a wee picture?”

Ian quickly nodded his assent leaning in close next to Jenny, while Brian (with Wee Jamie in his arms) and Jamie stepped close to the bed.  I took a few paces towards the door so as not to be in the frame.  Ian immediately called out:

“What are ye doin’ Claire? Get over here!”

Looking over, everyone was smiling at me expectantly.  I came back over to the bed and stood next to Jamie, and Ian gave me a wink.

“Much better. Nurse, if ye could take the picture now please”

Chapter Text

“Where are we going again?”

“Jock McGilligan’s Dualling Piano Bar”

A simultaneous groan from both Joe and me.

“Hey, at least there’s a bar!”

“Thank Christ!”

Winding our way along Argyle Street on a rainy Saturday night, Joe was taking me to see Gael’s band play.

“Who’s even in a band over the age of twenty?”

“I’ve told you before, he’s a vocalist”

“I thought he was a primary school teacher?”

“Quiet you - one day you’ll want me to come along to some boring as bat shit event with your partner and I’ll be there with bells on”

”Boring as what?”

”Bat shit. It’s something Australians say; it means both boring and annoying which sums up dualling pianos perfectly”

“Right, well when hell freezes over and I actually find myself a partner, I’ll be sure to call in the favour”

“Still no progress with the Highlander then?”

“No. I mean I’ve clearly positioned myself as the work wife but so what? I still have not idea what’s going on with the actual wife”

“I’m still weirded out by your whole ‘Hallmark Card’ moment with the fam at the hospital”

“I swear Joe - Ann’s like persona non grata.  If I hadn’t met her and seen other people speak to her I’d swear we were in The Sixth Sense or something”

“If we’re going with that analogy, wouldn’t that mean you were dead?”

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean!”

“Aye, I do” said Joe in what was quite possibly the worst Scottish accent I’d ever heard.  It caused us both to dissolve into giggles that were just as much brought on from being half-frozen as the awfulness of my bestie attempting to sound like a local.  The laughter stopped abruptly when a passing car came a little too close to the footpath and succeeded in splashing icy cold water all over our legs. 

“Right - that’s it, we’re stopping for a drink! A dualling piano bar is one thing - showing up sober and covered in muddy street water is a whole different matter.  C’mon LJ - this place’ll do”

We ducked into a quaint looking pub; The Sgian-Dubh. Rosie-cheeked patrons with ales and whiskies in hand filled the room; Joe and I gave each other a look that said this was infinitely preferable to Jock and his pianos.

“ONE drink Lady J! I might abhor the idea of of some wanna-be Elton John warbling his way through Crocodile Rock, but I need to support my man…who just for the record is basically a male Adele”

“Aye aye, Captain Abernathy”

Large glasses of vino in hand, we huddled around a small high-top bar table near a large open fireplace and began to thaw out.  Conversation soon turned back to my enigmatic boss and unravelling the yarn-ball of questions I had about the situation.

“This has been what, almost six months? And you’re still not sure how he feels about you?”

“Well I mean he obviously likes me as a friend; beyond that, the jury’s still out.”  

“Is it though? You really think he’s just being friendly?”

“Yeah, maybe.  His wife’s practically a supermodel and he kept staying how much he loved her when he was stung by that bee - how could it be anything but friends?”

“Surely at least from your end you’d admit that it’s more than that though?”

“Does it even matter what I think if his feelings are so indecipherable?! Yes, we get along well and he seems to like being around me, but is that just because we work together?  Am I imagining things that aren’t there?  Like the other day we were setting up this flower bed together and…”

“You need to stop talking about him”

“Sorry Joe, I didn’t mean to make it all about me, I…”

“No, you need to stop talking about him cos he’s coming over to our table”

“What the f…”

“Sassenach!”

A broad smile on his face, he strode over accompanied by Jenny, Ian and two other men: one I recognised as the blonde man from The Chip and the other was skinny and sported round tortoiseshell glasses.  Just like the other time I’d seen Jamie outside of work, he looked a world away from his usual ensemble of dirt-covered polo shirt and hair blustered by the elements. (A look that I secretly loved as it made him look rugged and at home in nature).  Wearing a fitted navy jumper that perfectly accentuated his deep red hair, slim-fit jeans showed off his muscular legs.  Breathtaking. 

Unashamedly checking him out, I probably looked like one of those cartoon characters whose eyes pop a foot out of their head accompanied by the sound of a old fashioned car horn.

A-woo-ga!

Oh for god’s sake! Pick your jaw up off the floor already, Beauchamp!

“Hey!”

“Canna believe we ran into ye!”

Jamie kissed my cheek in greeting and I shivered a little when I felt his breath on my neck.  He smelled amazing; some sort of cedar-infused cologne that blended with his own natural scent. Intoxicating. 

“This is my best friend Joe”

“Pleased to meet ya buddy, Claire’s told me so much about you.  Hard to get her to shut up sometimes!”

“Joe!” 

I elbowed him, eliciting a smile from Jamie and a snort of laughter from my best friend.

“Great to meet ye at last - Claire’s constantly telling me about her friend that looks like a young Idris Elba”

“Lady Jane - you didn’t?!”

“What? You tell me that all the time!”

“Yeah, but not for you to repeat around the office water-cooler!”

“I can see the resemblance” the man with the glasses interjected “Very Bond-esque”

Everyone erupted into laughter.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to be taking the piss before we’ve even been introduced! Although perhaps I should add that people tell me all the time that I’d make a great Moneypenny” he smirked pointing at his glasses.

Joe laughed as the man held out a hand in introduction: “I’m Hector, but please call me Hex”

“Shit, sorry where are my manners!” exclaimed Jamie. “Claire, Joe - this is my mate John and his husband Hex. And Joe, this is my sister Jenny and her husband Ian who works with us.  When he was young he kept hangin’ around our place so much that Jenny took pity on the lad and married him”

“Oi, watch it Fraser!”

“Hiya Claire! Lovely to meet ye Joe”

There were hugs and handshakes in greeting as we crowded round the small table.  We’d been standing there only a couple of minutes but it already felt like everyone was friends.

“So where are Wee Jamie and Caitlin this evening?”

“A Dhia! I knew we’d forgotten something!” Jenny clapped a hand across her forehead.

“Do ye recon three years old is too young to look after himself and a newborn?” added Ian. 

Seeing our shocked expressions Ian winked and pulled Jenny close, kissing her temple as they smiled at each other.

“We’re just jokin’ with ye Claire.  The weans are with his parents tonight.”

“Aye, all smiles when we left but we’ll see how fun they find it when Wee Jamie decides he’d rather jump on their bed than go to sleep!”

“This is exactly why our boy Charlie has a set bedtime and strict routine” said John, earning immediate scoffs from Ian and an eye roll from Hex.

“Strict, aye? Is that why Wee Jamie came home from his last sleep-over tellin’ me Uncle John and Uncle Hex let him have chocolate for dinner?”

“The little traitor - I told him that was a secret!”

Amidst much laughter and merriment, discussion turned to terrible things toddlers can get up to  - Joe’s job at the library giving him a wealth of anecdotes.  With the others ensconced in a debate about whether red cordial was the equivalent of catnip for kids, Jamie turned to me, placing a soft hand on my upper arm.  The firelight caught his eyes, making them gleam like gemstones and when he spoke it was in a hushed tone, meant only for me.

“Ye look beautiful tonight, Sassenach”

“Oh ha ha! You don’t need to humour me - A passing car doused Joe and me in gunky gutter water just before we came in here. I’m sure I look a fright!”

“Not to me ye don’t”

He smiled shyly at me, fingers gently flexing against my arm.  I tried to tell myself it was the heat of the fire making my cheeks flush but who was I kidding? Jamie loomed large in front of me and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. My head felt fuzzy; after just the one drink it certainly wasn’t from the wine - all my brain could focus on was how much I wanted to touch my lips to his.  To wind my arms around his neck and kiss him until we were both breathless.  

Even though neither of us moved, the gap between us seemed to lessen as we stood watching each other's faces.

“Jamie?”

The tone in Jenny’s voice told me it wasn’t the first attempt she’d made to get her brother’s attention.  Once again we’d been in our own little world and hadn’t noticed anyone else.

“Huh?”

“I was just telling Joe that it’s a shame Ann wasna able to join us this evening.  Seeing as she was busy”

The light in Jamie’s eyes immediately died as he clenched his jaw at Jenny’s words. 

“Aye - a shame. But couldn’t be helped unfortunately”

An extremely awkward silence descended, the only communication coming via furtive glances.  Me to Joe.  Jamie to Jenny. Ian to John.  The whole pub was shouting and yelling in exuberance and here we all were quiet as a church mouse.

“Golly me - is that the time? We really need to get going LJ! Sorry to dash out everyone but Claire and I have a date with some pianos”

Hasty goodbyes followed before Joe and I were once again plunged into the cold night air.  Jamie had smiled at Joe when bidding him farewell but it didn’t reach his eyes.  My farewell  had been a muttered “goodbye Claire” accompanied by a downcast gaze, as though he couldn’t bare to look at me.

“So, what did you think of Jamie?”

“Lady Jane, I don’t even know where to start!”

“Sounds ominous”

“We’re gonna need some cocktails that’s for sure”

___

For a venue that promised an ‘open mic night - no prior experience needed’ Jock McGillian’s Dualling Piano bar was surprisingly packed.  Gael had greeted us warmly when we arrived before disappearing backstage to warm up.  A waitress brought over our drinks; lurid-blue cocktails with lots of fruit and a sparkly straw, they fitted the venue perfectly.

“So…while we wait for my man to storm the stage, how ‘bout we have a little pow-wow about your man?”

“Joe! He’s hardly my man”

“Oh no of course he isn’t.  He’s happily married - as you keep telling me.  Seemed real cut up about his wife not being able to make it tonight too…”

“Well I’m sure he wished she was there”

“Another idea from you that is so wide of the plate it’s comical”

“Excuse me?”

“LJ, the guy was undressing you with his eyes the entire time we were standing there”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, of course he wasn’t”

“Trust me I know that look and that’s not the way you look at a platonic co-worker.”

“That’s how he’s looked at me since I met him”

“He’s looked at you like that for the last six months? And you still can’t work out if he’s got feelings for you?  Jesus Christ!”

“No Joe, I…”

“Zip it. I’ve been listening to you talk about this Highlander for ages; now it’s my turn”

I nodded mutely.

“Just so you know, what I’m gonna say to you comes from a place of deep love:  WAKE UP Claire!  Jamie and his friends were all out for a couples night yet quite obviously had not invited your boss’ so-called wife.  Do you wanna know why Jenny made that comment about Ann?  It was because I asked where the hell she was.”

“Oh Joe you didn’t?!”

“You were all heart eyes and the redhead was looking like he wanted to take a bite out of you, I had to say something! It’s not fair for him to be all over you like that when he’s married!”

“He was hardly all over me; he put his hand on my arm for like a second”

“The man did not stop touching you from the minute he came over to our table and somehow you interpret this as normal co-worker behaviour? Jamie might as well have been wearing blinkers for all the notice he took of anyone else in the room.”

“Really?”

 “Yes - and you know it.  The two of you were glowing so much I felt like telling the manager to put the fire out as we clearly didn’t need it!  Why are you in denial about this?”

I sighed, the weight that’d been pressing on my chest since Jamie’s lacklustre farewell feeling heavier by the minute.

“I just thought…I thought that if it was just in my head then it somehow made it ok? I didn’t want to think of him as the kind of guy that’d be interested in one woman while married to another.  I didn’t want to fall for someone whom I could never be with. And…I didn’t want to think of myself as the kind of person that’d wish someone’s marriage would end”

 Running hands through my hair I cringed imagining what Jamie’s family and friends must have thought of my overt display.

“I know that face. It’s the ‘I’m an idiot, how could I have let this happen?’ face”

“It is not!”

Joe raised his eyebrows sarcastically before continuing: 

“I’m not going to sit here and watch you beat yourself up about having feelings for someone as though it’s a one-sided issue of your own making.  LJ, the guy is clearly besotted with you and it’s plain as day for everyone to see.  I’ve no idea what’s going on with his wife, but it’s apparent something’s not right in that marriage.  But I don’t care about him, I care about you. So tell me - are you in love with him?”

Swirling my bucket-sized cocktail with the plastic treble clef-shaped swizzle stick, I let out a long breath. Jamie was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning and the last thing on my mind before I went to sleep.  There were so many aspects of my life that had question marks over them, but of this I was absolutely certain.

“Yes”

Finally admitting this to myself and to Joe was as much of a relief as it was depressing.

I’m in love with my boss.  My married boss.

“God Joe, what a mess!”

“I know I said there’s nothing wrong with some harmless flirting, but this is way beyond that.  Whilst it’s great Jamie looks at you like you’re an angel dropped down from heaven - because you are - he’s also wearing a wedding ring and doesn’t seem in any rush to book an appointment with a divorce attorney.  To protect your own heart, I think you need a bit of distance”

The temptation to collapse and wail at the unfairness of it all was strong, but I refused to give into it.  That wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to be and deep down I knew I deserved better.  It didn’t stop the negative thoughts from creeping in though.  Like black ink poured all over a shiny white sheet of paper; what had felt so hopeful and pure now looked dirty and spoiled.

“Am I horrible person Joe? I fell in love with someone else’s husband!”

“I don’t think you can choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose how you act on those feelings.  I hate seeing you torture yourself over this when it seems he has no intention of ever telling you what the deal is with his wife.  But then, why would he when he’s got you all to himself five days a week?”

Time to pull yourself together - you’re better than this. You know you are.

“I do need some space. As impossible as it’d be, when I’m around him all I can think about is how much I want us to be together”

“You’re an amazing person Claire and if he can’t get it together and realise that, then it’s going to be his problem from now on.”

I nodded but could only manage a weak smile.  I knew Joe was right, but the realisation that I’d have to pull back from spending so much time with Jamie made my heart ache. 

Is he really the kind of man that’d break his wedding vows? And do I want him to?

Chapter Text

How do you tell the person you want to be with every moment that you need to spend less time together?  After my weekend chat with Joe, I understood the logic in needing to take a step back from Jamie; if things kept going on their current trajectory it was only going to lead to heartbreak.  But when does the heart ever listen to reason? Despite recognising the futility of it all, I still wanted him, still wished that things were different and that we could be together.  I’d never felt more sure about anything in my life; the idea that this wasn't the right person for me made no sense at all.  Now wasn’t the time to wallow though - I loved Jamie, but I loved myself too and I vowed to not spend one more day living in a fantasy. I needed to face reality, however painful it was.

Monday morning in the office and my head was swirling with thoughts about the best way to broach this with Jamie.  I was yanked from my reverie with a start, the man himself crouched next to my desk, his large hand gently squeezing my shoulder.

“Are ye ok, Sassenach? Ye look verra pale”

The concern on his face had my resolve melting like butter in a hot pan.  His thumb moving slowly back and forth, he regarded me carefully, expecting some as yet unseen injury to become apparent.  Looking deep into my eyes, a silent communication took place between us:

His furrowed brow - Should I be worried?

My small smile - I’m ok

His smile in return - If you’re all right, then I’m all right

As Jamie and I had grown closer, there were more and more of these moments when speaking was unnecessary. We seemed to know how the other felt from across the room and when we touched electricity pulsed back and forth like a livewire. 

Stop it! This is the exact reason why you need space from him  

“Actually, could we have a chat? In private?”

“Aye, of course - there’s something I really want to talk to ye about too. I got some great news about the project Ian and I have been working on, I canna wait to share it with ye.”

Ah yes, the mysterious project that’d seen them both locked away for so much for the last few months.  Well it’d have to wait, what I needed to say couldn’t be put off any longer.

We walked into the meeting room and I closed the door behind us.  I could tell already that Jamie knew something was up - a closed door chat was very different to our usual Monday mornings spent laughing together in the kitchen talking about our respective weekends

Stories that never involve Ann. How could I have been so content to gloss over this?

“I’m not sure how to say this so I’m just going to come right out with it; I think we’re spending too much time together”

“What are ye talking about? We work together; of course we’re gonna be spending time together”

“That’s not what I meant”

“Is this about the pub on Saturday? Cos I apologise if we interrupted ye night out with Joe, I didna realise ye…”

“No Jamie, it’s not that either; although its part of it”

Brow knit in confusion, he took a step towards me.

“I dinna understand?”

“Don’t you? Every day at work we spend hours just the two of us; you don’t think that’s unusual?  Because you’re hardly having as much one on one time with Willie or Angus”

“I like spending time with ye Claire.  I…I thought ye liked it too?”

“I do…but I think perhaps I like it too much. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about us”

“What wrong idea? We’re friends aren’t we?”

“Of course we are, but after Saturday it feels like the lines are getting a bit blurred.”

“We know what we are to each other, why is this suddenly a problem? Did someone say something to ye? Because if so just tell me who and I’ll set them to rights”

“It’s not anyone else - it’s me! I’m the one getting confused, ok?”

This seemed to take him by surprise, although I couldn't imagine why. Shuffling back a step or two, his head tipped slightly to the side as he regarded me with the most peculiar look in his face.

“Ye are?”

“Yes.  We spend all this time together, you invite me to the park and to the hospital with your family…

“That’s cos ye’re practically part of the family now, I told ye that.”

“But I’m not part of your family Jamie! And when you hold me in your arms and tell me I’m beautiful it makes me feel things that I shouldn't be; it’s not how people who are just friends behave”

I paused, surprised that my rapidly beating heart wasn’t making my voice waiver.  Jamie ran a hand through his hair, but stayed silent.

“I feel like I could talk to you about anything, but somehow the one thing we never talk about is the fact that you're married. And that…well it’s not right. Whatever is going on here, we need to take a step back; it’s too much”

Hands balled into fists at his side, he clenched his jaw, a mask settling over his features.  When he spoke it was measured, controlled.

“I’m truly sorry Claire, I never meant to make ye feel uncomfortable”

I felt the sting of wounded pride at his dispassionate response. I was bleeding inside and he just stood there, stoic as a guard at Buckingham Palace.

“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?”

Jamie's gaze remained fixed on the floor. 

“Do you think it’s easy for me to stand here and tell you these things?”

I vaguely wondered if my raised voice would have travelled through the walls of the meeting room but at that point I was too fired up for it to be of concern. 

“Do you even care at all?”

“Of course I care”

I stood right in front of Jamie; eyes boring into his, giving him nowhere to hide.

“Then why are you just standing there acting like we’re discussing something no more important than the bloody weather?!” 

I shoved him in the chest; the mask he wore split and the fiery spirit I knew was inside finally tumbled out.

“Because I’m ashamed!” 

The way he’d bellowed the words seemed to surprise even Jamie and he closed his eyes, looking disgusted with himself.  Chest heaving, he took several hitching breaths as he tried to calm down. When he spoke again it was much softer, contrition lacing his tone.

“I’m ashamed Claire, I enjoyed being around ye so much that I didna stop to think how it must have been for ye. I only thought of how different ye made me feel compared to anyone else.  It was naught but selfishness and I ken now it wasna fair”

Standing close, he brought a shaking hand up as though to cup my face. Near enough that I could feel the warmth of his skin, he abruptly withdrew, resting his arm by his side once again. 

“If ye want space then ye shall have it.  I promise I’ll make things right”

Without saying anything more he turned and left the room.  I should have been happy that he'd agreed with me, instead I just felt empty inside. It wasn’t until I was back at my desk sometime later that I realised he’d never told me about the project he and Ian had been working on.

___

True to his word, Jamie had given me space and we didn’t speak for the rest of the day unless it was work related.  He smiled when he left for the day, but unlike our usual habit, there was no lingering conversation or questions about what I had planned for the evening.  

It’s hard now Beauchamp, but it’ll get easier each day

I didn’t get the chance to see how this new arrangement would play out; the next day when I got into the office Ian announced that Jamie had been called away to an urgent job up near Inverness.

“We had thought the work was booked for June but seems I got the months mixed up; was verra lucky Jamie was able to head up at such short notice”

This might have been enough to satisfy the others but in the six months I’d been at Jardin de James, Ian had not so much as ordered a packet of seeds more than necessary.  He was a stickler for detail and I gave him a look which told him I knew there was more to it than a simple booking error.

“Did Jamie tell you we talked?”

“Not the specifics but aye, he told me the two of ye had had words”

“Is there really a job in Inverness?”

Ian smiled and gave a little laugh.

“He said it’d take ye all of five seconds to ask about that”

“He asked you to lie to me?”

“Lord no! There’s really a job… but technically it didna need to be done right this week”

“I’d thought we’d left things on good terms yesterday - is he that angry he’s decided to drive several hundred miles to get away from me?” 

“Ha! I dinna think so; I've been around Frasers more years than not and if they're angry with ye, ye’ll know about it.”

“Then what is it?”

“Truthfully Claire, he didna say exactly what he was about, but I can tell ye this: Jamie’s needed to sort himself out for a while; I’m hoping that that’s what he’s doing now”

___

The next day Jamie was still away in Inverness.  With considerable irritation I reflected on how his interpretation of space seemed to be taking off to the other end the country, rather than sorting this out like adults. What was he planning on doing? Staying away from his own business indefinitely? 

Bloody, stubborn, insufferable...Scot!

Mid-morning and Ian called us all into the meeting room; even Mrs Crook was there.  A delicious spread awaited us; scones, cakes and even a bottle of champagne.  Not a regular staff meeting that was for sure.

With a wide smile and a gleam in his eye, Ian dramatically cleared his throat before beginning:

“As ye’re all aware, Jamie and I have been verra busy for a little while now and today I can finally reveal what the big secret is”

“The two of ye are gettin’ hitched!”

“Yes thank ye Angus, I’ll be sure to pass on ye wee joke to Jenny”

“Err em…no, ye dinna need to be doin’ that!”

“Then can ye shut ye gob for five minutes so I can say my piece?”

“Aye, sorry Ian” 

Whatever Ian was about to tell us must’ve been big - Jamie had been pouring his heart and soul into this mystery project and the room was obviously decked out for a celebration; why wasn’t he here?

“Right - so as I was sayin’, Jamie - wi’ a little help from me - has been beavering away for a while now and after many unsuccessful attempts it’s finally all come together.  Therefore, it is with much excitement that I can announce that Jardin de James has officially been selected for the Royal Horticultural Society's Chelsea Flower Show!”

Chapter Text

At Ian’s announcement that Jardin de James had been selected for Chelsea, the room erupted into cheering.  The pop of a champagne cork and clinking glasses followed;  I was in shock.

This was Jamie’s secret project? And he wasn’t here to share the celebration?

The Chelsea Flower Show - running for well over a hundred years - was arguably the biggest and most important flower and landscape garden show in the world.  For five days each spring, green thumbs from all corners of the globe descended on London to see the best of the best compete.  That a small, relatively new, Scottish landscaping company had been selected was practically unheard of.  I felt a lump in the back of my throat, partly from pride in Jamie’s achievement but also sadness that he - whether rightly or wrongly- felt he needed to stay away and miss this moment with the team.  His team.

There are several different categories of competition at Chelsea; Ian explained that we’d been selected in the Artisan Garden section — smaller gardens known for their quirky features and planting ideas.  The show was due to begin in a fortnight; we’d all be taking the train down to London and spend a week constructing our garden according to Jamie’s designs.  The weekend after that Ian and Jenny would travel down for the judging.

“So what are we building then? Please tell me it involves some statues of naked Greek goddesses!”

“Sadly for ye, no Rupert - but let’s all have a keek at the designs, aye?”

Ian unfurled the plans across the meeting room’s big table.  We’d all seen sketches of Jamie’s before, but these were something else; the level of detail was amazing, intricate images brought to life in vivid colour.  It was staggering to think of the amount of effort that went into their creation - both conceptually and physically - and no wonder Jamie had locked himself away for so long to work on them.  I smiled remembering when we’d gone to breakfast all those months ago; he talked with passion about colour and light but modestly told me that Jenny was the artistic one on the family.  Perhaps she was when it came to portraits, but to me Jamie’s plans belonged in the Louvre; a perfect combination of his flair for design as well as his love of nature. 

The Woman of Balnain read cursive script across the top.  The particular significance of this didn’t mean anything to me; however, it clearly resonated with everyone else. 

“Och ‘tis a brilliant idea, Ian” declared Angus.

“Aye, I remember my Granny telling me the stories when I was a wean” nodded Willie.

“He’s captured the spirit of it to an absolute T” added Angus. 

“Who’s The Woman of Balnain?”

All heads in the room swivelled in my direction, looking at me as though I’d asked what day Christmas was held.  Given that the word woman was involved, I expected some ribald comments by way of explanation. Instead, everyone pulled up a chair in readiness for the story Ian was about to tell and how it was represented in Jamie’s design.

“The Woman of Balnain is a verra old legend, passed down from generation to generation; traditionally through ballads and songs. This one’s as Scottish as they come, as much a part of the country as the thistle or Robert the Bruce.  No one really kens who the she was, some say a faerie, others a witch or maybe just a lass caught up in something she didna understand.”

He smiled and began to recite:

“I am The Woman of Balnain. The folk have stolen me over again, the stones seemed to say. I stood upon the hill, and wind did rise, and the sound of thunder rolled across the land. I placed my hands upon the tallest stone and traveled to a far, distant land where I lived for a time among strangers who became lovers and friends. But one day, I saw the moon came out and the wind rose once more. So I touched the stones and traveled back to my own land and took up again with the man I had left behind.”

As Ian spoke, Rupert, Angus and Willie had all been mouthing the words along with him; they were transfixed.

“But did she want to go back? Was she happy with the new home she’d made?”

“No one kens for sure, tis part of the mystery of it.”  

With understanding of the legend, I looked at the designs through new eyes: large standing stones atop a faerie dun, a burn with sable coloured water, golden patches of gorse and indigenous herbs sprinkled throughout.  A true embodiment of all that was beautiful about Scotland.  There was something more though, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling as thoughts jumped around trying to capture what it was.

A mysterious woman who appears from a foreign land? No...it couldn’t be?

“Did Jamie say what prompted him to design a garden based on the legend?”

“Well like all of us he grew up hearing the story, but he said he got the idea of linking it to a garden after a conversation he’d had.  Apparently someone told him ‘when it came to nature, one small word wasna enough to encompass the breadth of its meaning’. Quite poetic I thought. Anyway, he built the design from that, a physical manifestation of his love for nature ye could say”

I gasped, recognising the comment Ian had quoted immediately.  It was what I’d told Jamie, the day we’d planted the field of daffodils and talked about Wordsworth.

He did all this based on something I’d said?

As things that I’d previously not given much weight began to click together, the flutter of butterfly wings tickled my stomach and heart.  Standing around admiring the plans and excitedly discussing details for the show, the rest of the JDJ crew assumed Jamie’s designs were his love letter to Scotland.  Perhaps in a way they were, but I knew there was more to it than that; the inspiration for the garden was me.

___

Sitting at home that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jamie’s design for Chelsea.  It was tempting to think I’d been mistaken, that it was no more than a co-incidence and a chance comment that had inspired him - but I knew I was right.

Is this why he’s staying away? Does he think I won’t approve?

Regardless of any self-imposed exile there were things that needed to be said; I sent him a text.

Claire: Congrats on Chelsea - I’m really proud of you.  I know I said we needed space, but that didn’t mean you had to miss out on telling the team.  Everyone really wished you’d been there today.

Three dots to tell me he was replying appeared immediately; then just as quickly they were gone.  Refusing to become the kind of person that stared at their phone waiting for a response, I put it down and poured myself a glass of wine.  Before the liquid had even touched my lips, my mobile rang; nerves coursing through my body in anticipation of hearing Jamie’s voice.

“Hey”

“Hi”

Two words into the conversation and I felt like hanging up and hiding under my duvet.

Awkwardness - thy name is Jamie and Claire

“How are ye?”

“I’m good. How’s Inverness?”

“Um…yeah it’s all right. Look, I’m really sorry about today”

 “You don’t need to apologise, although it’d be good to know why you couldn’t make it?  Chelsea is a big deal, Jamie”

“I ken, I just wanted ye to know I was listening to what ye said and that I agree we probably need the space ye asked for”

“And that means staying away from your own business does it?”

“No, not forever anyway. But I um…needed some time to work a few things out” 

We both lapsed into silence, the line heavy with words unsaid.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your designs? I know you tried to the other day when we talked, but I mean before that?”

He sighed and even without seeing, I knew he’d be running a nervous hand though his hair.

“Truthfully, I wanted it to be a surprise. Ha - that sounds so stupid when I say it aloud now”

Perhaps waiting for me to say something, Jamie paused; I remained silent.

“I’ve tried for years to get into Chelsea and never even come close.  That day ye told me how ye wished there were more words for nature, something just clicked.  I got this half-baked idea of qualifying for the show and then telling ye about it.  I wanted the garden to demonstrate how having ye part of the business had made such a difference to the way I work… and how I see the world.  After we spoke on Monday I realised how foolish that was.  I never want to make ye uncomfortable Claire, but now I’ve probably just made things weirder.  Somehow when it comes to ye, I canna seem to see the forest for the trees.”

I bit my bottom lip, feeling moved by his words and wishing he was right here beside me instead of hundreds of miles away.

Stop it, he’s still married.  This doesn’t change anything.

“Are ye still there?”

“Yep, yep I’m here”

“Would ye still want to come to London for the show? Because if ye’d prefer not to…”

“I’ll be there”

“Ye will?!” I could hear him smiling into the phone. “Thank ye Claire, truely.  None of this would've been possible without ye.”

“You should give yourself more credit.”

“Aye, maybe. Oh, just so ye know, I won’t be back in the office for a little while yet, but I’ll be there to catch the train with everyone” 

“Ok.  Well, I suppose I’d better go.  Goodnight Jamie”

“Goodnight Sassenach”

___

Monday morning and Glasgow Central station was a hive of activity.  Harried commuters rushing to and fro were barely noticed by the JDJ crew as we huddled on the platform.  Ian and Jenny had come to see us off, Wee Jamie jumping around their feet and and asking if he could go on the choo-choo train too.  When Ian informed him that they wouldn’t be going until the weekend, his normally cheery face became red and the wailing began.  Very cute to me, but highly embarrassing for his parents. 

I’d worried perhaps that Ann might have come to see us off (or worse still, would be coming with us) but hardly surprisingly, there was no sign of her. In fact, at that stage there was no sign of Jamie, either.  We loaded our bags and hugged the Murrays goodbye.  

“Safe travels everyone, I canna wait to see this garden!”

“Thank you Jenny, I’m sure we’ll all do Jamie proud”

With Caitlin in need of feeding they’d all toddled off together, Wee Jamie waving goodbye to the choo-choo as much as anything else.  Willie, Angus and Rupert boarded the train; less than two minutes until we were due to depart and Jamie still hadn’t arrived.

Calm down, he said he’d be here.

I scanned the platform one last time.  There’s a lot of redheads in Scotland so he wasn’t the easiest to discern from the crowds milling about, but finally I spotted him! Sprinting up the platform, bag slung over his shoulder; he saw me and broke into a broad grin.  I laughed and shook my head in disbelief.

The most important event of his career and he’s seconds away from missing the train?

The train was one of those taller ones that sat well above the height of the platform, requiring passengers to climb rung-like steps and use a hand rail to hoist themselves aboard.  Upon reaching the carriage Jamie threw his bag through the open door and leapt up onto the train, his long legs rendering both the steps and rail unnecessary.

“What are ye doing just standing there Sassenach? Ye ken the train’s about to leave, aye?”

My shocked and annoyed expression only served to amuse him; sapphire eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Try to be a bit more organised next time will ye?” he laughed.

For someone who should’ve been stressed by their late arrival he was instead giddy with excitement.  I reached for the rail to climb aboard; Jamie leaned down with a smile, holding out a hand to help me instead.  As I broke our eye contact to take his outstretched hand I saw it.  Well I should say I didn’t see it.   The third finger of his left hand completely bare, Jamie’s wedding ring was gone.

Chapter Text

I lay awake half the night; cracks in the ceiling’s paint morphing into black rivers as I traced their patterns in the darkness.  Every time I closed my eyes the room seemed to shift slightly off its axis, a dizzying feeling behind my lids that made me light headed; reminiscent of that time I’d been stupid enough to take the ferry across the Channel instead of the train.  Mind whirling, it was impossible to keep focus on one thought for more than half a minute before my brain would dart to the next thing to ruminate over.  Sleep continued to elude me and the usually melodious ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall felt mocking.   

Only a few more hours until I could see Claire again; I was desperate to be near her but nervous at the same time.  Our chat the other day gave me a glimmer of hope, but it felt a bit like one of those magic eye pictures I had as a lad - one minute I could see the image, the next it was just a bunch of blurry pixels.  Had the garden design been too much? I honestly had no idea; I didn’t trust myself to gauge anything accurately when it came to my sassenach anymore.  Half the time blinded by lust, the other recoiling in shame; was it any wonder she’d wanted some distance between us? 

She deserves so much more than you and your mess, Fraser

Sleep finally came a couple of hours before dawn, sheer exhaustion finally dragging me under.  When I opened my eyes again it was full light and I knew I must be late; very late.

Sprinting down the platform I spotted Claire scanning the crowds.  Seeing her again, even after a couple of weeks almost stopped me dead in my tracks.  The crisp morning air had given her cheeks a peachy glow, the rich dark colour of her hair standing in stark relief to the paleness of her skin.  She took my breath away every time. 

I threw my bag aboard the train, making some attempt at a joke that seemed to work; she was doing that face where she was trying to stay annoyed but a smile was bursting at the seams of her lips all the same.

I reached out to help her aboard; my large hand easily enveloped her small delicate one.  But it wasn’t really delicate I knew, these were the hands that had shaped life in gardens time and time again.  These were hands that were deceptive in their strength and the hands that’d I dreamed of touching me for months.

Pulling Claire up into the train carriage, the force of movement brought her close in an instant.  Hands entwined near our almost touching chests, we both seemed short of breath. As the train slowly began to chug away from the station we remained still, I could have stayed like this forever.  As the seconds ticked by in silence, the hue of her cheeks transformed into a perfect pink, a light blush overcoming her features; a true English rose.

Christ, ye do look so beautiful mo nighean donn, I canna stop staring at ye.

“Didn’t think you were going to show; I was all ready to take charge of the team and rebrand it Jardin de Claire”

“Is that right? Just a spare part am I?”

“I would've thought that was obvious by now?”

We smiled; chuckling together.  Our faces only inches apart, it took all my restraint not to lean forward and kiss her then and there.  I mightn’t have known everything about lasses, but I knew enough that they didn’t much care for being spontaneously kissed completely out of context.  Didn’t stop me wanting her all the same.  

Claire stepped back from me, motioning towards the compartment where the others were seated.  I followed behind, feeling anxious my thumb reached to rub the ring on my left hand without thought.  Except that the ring was finally gone, the skin bare for the first time in three years.  I needed to tell her - and soon.  But how to begin? And would she even want to hear it?

Chapter Text

The tall grey buildings of the city— having long given way to the lush green of the countryside — felt like a distant memory as the train whizzed along at sixty miles an hour.  Since leaving Glasgow our little group had been in non-stop discussion about all things Chelsea.  Plans for the show as well as the logistics of construction had netted dozens of questions, all answered by Jamie with a calm reserve.  Well almost calm; throughout, two fingers beat a silent tattoo against his leg.  Seemingly untroubled on the surface, I could tell there was something churning beneath, the question was: what?

On more than one occasion I had to avert my gaze from Jamie’s hand, thoughts running riot imagining the causes for his missing wedding ring.

Do married people forget to wear their rings? Maybe he lost it in a game of poker? Or used it to tip a talented busker? Am I the only one who’s noticed this?!

An absent ring was the last thing on the boys’ minds.  Amidst questions about the flower show were all manner of enquiries about London.  Being English, I was considered to be the foremost expert and was asked about everything from what time the London Eye opened to the best place to ‘pick up classy lassies’.

“Angus, are you sure classy lassies are going to want to speak to you after you’ve been shovelling dirt and erecting standing stones all day?”

“Well if it goes my way, standing stones willna be the only thing that’s er…ouch!”

Jamie’s mouth was a thin line as the apple he’d lobbed at Angus’ head made a direct hit. 

“Need I remind ye this is a work trip, so mind your language, aye?  Ye aren’a in the changing rooms after a game of shinty.  Got it?”

“Aye, Jamie”

Rupert snickered at Angus’ chastisement, opening his laptop to read aloud about the hotel where we’d be staying:

“Sixty-eight tastefully decorated rooms await ye at the Kensington Court Hotel.  Fresh linens daily, private bathroom and twenty-four hour room service are complemented by our in-house bar and restaurant.  Sounds grand.  Did Ian book us all our own rooms?”

“Well of course he did, no one would get any work done if they had to share a room with yer fartin’ an’ snorin’ all night!”  Willie chimed in, with the tone of a man who’d been unwillingly exposed to said farting and snoring on more than one occasion.

“Well I never heard any of my lady friends complainin’, ye gomeral!”

“Bit hard for imaginary women to complain, no?”

“Oh ha ha, verra funny.  Claire’s a lady, we’ll ask her: ye’d be all right for me to bunk in wi’ ye, wouldn’t ye?”

“Absolutely not! My door will be firmly closed to you — and anyone else for that matter! Well, except maybe for Prince Harry; if he dropped by for a nightcap I wouldn't complain”

“Is that right? Got a thing for married redheads have ye?”

Cheeks immediately flaming, I slid down in my seat.  The boys chuckled but I was mortified, eyes darting towards Jamie to gauge his reaction.  Jaw clamped, his hand was balled into a fist so tight the nails dug in to his palm, leaving angry red welts in their wake.

“Did ye not hear what I just said to Angus?!  Enough of this talk or I’ll put the lot of ye up in a hostel!”

His tone was angry, but when his eyes flicked to me they were full of concern.  My heart racing, I managed a weak smile, but we both knew it was only for show.  After a grumbling apology from Rupert, the train compartment became silent, the only sound the steady clacking of wheels against tracks.

With a moment to myself at last, I messaged Joe about Jamie’s naked hand; he phoned straight away. Excusing myself from the others, I slipped out into the narrow corridor, walking along to the end of the carriage before answering, lest I be overheard.

“The ring’s really gone? Did he say why?”

“Hello to you too, Best Friend”

“Yeah yeah, time for that later!”

“He hasn’t said anything about it and I don’t really feel comfortable asking seeing as we’re on the train with the rest of the crew”

“Hmm…does he seem different? Look different?”

“Hard to say. I'm trying not to read into it too much.  There could be a million reasons why he's not wearing his ring but I’m done guessing about the state of Jamie’s marriage.  Every time I have, I’ve been wrong”

___

When I got back to our compartment Jamie sat alone by the window, the others apparently having set off to the dining car for lunch.  When I expressed surprise that they’d embark on such a mission at 10.30am, Jamie mumbled something about them being verra hungry and needing to leave immediately, before burying his head in a copy of Scottish Gardener magazine.  He didn’t read it though, in fact for the next twenty minutes he didn’t so much as turn a page.  Every time I looked up he’d be staring at me; meeting my gaze for half a second his eyes would then dart away, like a child who’d been warned not to look directly into the sun.  In times past I’d have searched for some neutral topic of conversation to take Jamie’s mind off whatever was bothering him, but with the missing ring and an air of awkward tension between us I decided to leave it to him to make the first move.  

I thought about what Joe had asked; did Jamie seem different? Aside from the slightly odd behaviour, he looked remarkably well.  Not that he should look a dishevelled mess, but if there had been some life-changing event, it wasn’t apparent from his appearance; in a physical sense the time away seemed to have really agreed with him.

Finally the stalemate broke; clearing his throat, Jamie stood up.

“Claire…?”

“Hmm?”

I looked up from my phone, feigning nonchalance; luckily Jamie seemed too pre-occupied to notice how badly my attempt failed.

“Can I speak to ye a minute?  There’s err…some things I should like to talk to ye about”

“What’s on your mind?”

“May I?” He inclined his head towards the empty seat next to me; I nodded and he sat down, taking several deeps breaths as he ran his palms over his thighs.

“Sassenach, I feel I owe ye an explanation. Not just for these last two weeks, but for the last six months.  I’ve talked to ye a lot since we met, but not always about how I’ve been feeling and I’d like to rectify that, if that’s all right with you?  There’s a chance though that some of it may be things dinna want to hear.”

Tone serious and eyes intent, Jamie paused, waiting for my consent.

Is he about to tell me how much he loves Ann? That anything between us is no more than a weed; needing to be ripped from the ground by the root to prevent it growing any further?

If that was what Jamie was about to reveal, I reasoned I’d rather know than cling to some shred of hope that’d forever remain unfulfilled.  Anxiousness shimmered through my body; it reminded me of that moment of stillness at the top of a roller coaster; all quiet before a screaming descent.

“What did you want to tell me?”

Foot bouncing on the lurid green carpet of the train compartment, Jamie began: 

“Last week when ye told me ye thought there needed to be space between us, it caught me off guard. I can be rather  - shall we say - single minded when it comes to certain things; you being one of them.”

His mouth quirked in a half smile but there was no happiness in it.  Running a hand roughly though his hair, he continued.

“In truth, I just wanted to be near to ye, Claire.  Ye have this way of making everything fit together and showing me the world in ways I’d never thought of before.   It was intoxicating.  I wanted more and more and didna stop to think if it might have been confusing for ye.  That wasna right and I apologise; I’m sorry, Claire”

“I like being around you too, but do you think we can still be friends? Because constantly wondering if we’re stepping over the line isn't a real friendship to me”

“I ken, I ken; but the fault lies with me.  I should've known better.  Tell me; is my behaviour too much to forgive?”

“Of course I’ll forgive you Jamie.  I’m just not sure if I know where we stand with each other anymore.  Why did you disappear? I felt like I’d driven you away from your own business”

“No, never! And I’m so very sorry I made ye feel that way.  Ye were mature and considered about the whole thing and I acted like a bear wi’ a sore head.  I was just so damn ashamed of the way I’d acted, my gut reaction was to try and fix it by putting miles between us.  Which I ken now was the wrong way to go about it; nothing gets fixed by running away.  Ironic really; ye have shown me that over and over, it just took me a wee bit longer to catch on.  You’re very important to me Claire and I dinna want to do anything that will give ye cause to doubt that.”

Whatever happened while he was away, something had changed and I was touched by his earnestness.  I couldn't relax though, I was still waiting for the penny to drop.

“Jamie, why are you telling me all this now?”

“I had a lot of time to reflect these last two weeks. Thought a lot about you. And me. And the kind of man I want to be.”

“Sounds serious?”

“T’was actually.  Sassenach, ye have an honesty about ye that I haven’t always been able to match.  I dinna want to live like that anymore.”

He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath.

“Ann and I have separated.”

My heart froze then started to pound at twice the normal rate.  I sucked in a breath, adrenaline coursing though my body like a wild river after a storm.

“Separated?”

Repetition of the word felt more like trying it on for size than seeking confirmation. Jamie nodded slowly; it took all my energy to stay still, the urge to physically respond cracking my thin shell of control.

Tread carefully Beauchamp, maybe she left him?  

“I’m sorry to hear that; are you all right?”

“Aye”

“You sure? You don’t have to give me details of course, but it’s just the two of us; you needn’t put up a front on my account”

“A front? No, I’m ok, really.  Things between me and Ann were…complicated to say the least.  In truth it was a mistake from the start.”

“Oh”

I’m sure I looked like I’d been struck in the head.  For a minute I just sat there, opening and closing my mouth, words unable to line up into coherent thoughts or speech.

A mistake? And it’s really over? Ann’s really gone?

“Claire, are ye all right?”

His large hand placed on my forearm, the warmth of Jamie’s skin jolted me back into the present.

“Um…yes…fine. Sorry, you were saying something?”

“Just that it's important for me to be honest; so there’s something else I wanted to tell ye”

“Yes?”

“Ok, here goes. I know I have a fair bit of baggage and I’m not saying this with any kind of expectation…but I like ye Claire.  A lot.”   

He took a deep breath and rushed on:

“What I mean is, working together has been really great…you’ve been a fantastic addition to the team and…um… your work is really first rate… Oh, and I like ye as a friend too obviously. I always enjoy chatting with ye and hearing what ye think about…stuff.”

Jamie huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Christ, why am I so terrible at this?”

Shifting in his seat, he turned towards me, inky-blue eyes searching deep into my own.  It was impossible to look away.

“What I’m trying to say is that I like ye more than as an employee or a friend.  I have done for a while.  Since I met ye actually.  Ye showed up and it was like a brand new garden blooming in front of me; bulbs that had lain dormant under layers of darkness were suddenly breaking through the surface, surrounding me with brighter colours and more beauty than I’d ever seen before.  God, even the air smelled crisper! Because of you, I’ve felt alive for the first time in years.  So, I was wondering…that is I wanted to ask…if ye might be able to see me as more that just your boss…or your friend...?” 

Face full of hope, he took my hands in his, tentatively rubbing the backs with his thumbs.  I felt like I couldn’t get enough air, my feeble brain seemingly unable to comprehend what had just been said.

He...since he met me? Did I mishear? Why is it so hot in here all of a sudden?

“I’m way off here aren’t I?  Shit. Please forget I said anything; the last thing I want is to make ye even more uncomfortable. And I’ve picked the worst time to tell ye! Trapped with me on a bloody train for another four hours, then working cheek-and-jowl for the week. I’m so sorry Claire, I willna say another…”

“Jamie!”

The loudness of my voice surprised us both.  Now silent, realisation that he’d been rambling dawned and an adorable red flush began climbing his neck like a Virginia Creeper.  The poor guy looked so down-in-the-mouth I couldn't help but smile.

“How long are you planning on continuing this one-sided conversation? Can I at least reply before you start packing your bags and moving to Timbuktu?”

Jamie managed a half smile, but still looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

“I wouldn’t mind you answering for me if you weren’t so wildly off base…”

Eyes widening in surprise and chest heaving, his lips parted slightly as he regarded me.

“…I like you too, Jamie”

“Ye do? Truely”

I nodded and had the pleasure of watching the most beautiful smile bloom on his face. Eyes crinkling at the corners and cheeks glowing, all the tension from only moments before seemed to melt away.  For a few beats neither of us spoke; we just stared at each other wearing matching smiles of wonderment. Taking my hands again, Jamie squeezed and then lifted one to his lips, gently kissing my knuckles and murmuring softly:

“I still canna be sure I’m not dreaming, Annie”

ANNIE?!  

My blood ran cold.  One word and I was right back in that bloody ambulance, memories of being called the wrong name ringing in my head as loudly as the siren had been.  

Seriously?!

How the fuck is this happening again?

Yanking my hands free, I spun away from Jamie, standing to face the window.  Eyes filling with tears, heat rushed to my cheeks; a mix of anger and embarrassment.

Why does this keep happening? Am I that forgettable that he’d confuse me with the wife he’s apparently no longer with?

“What’s the matter? Was that too much?”

“Are you kidding me? You say you have feelings for me then call me by your wife’s name. Jesus, Jamie!”

“Huh?”

“Annie. You called me Annie. Again!”

“Claire - I would never! I said…Wait - what do you mean, again?”

I sighed, annoyed at myself for mentioning a day that I’d spent months trying to forget.

Tell him; you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose now

“That day you got stung by a bee, I travelled with you to the hospital.  I was there when you got stung so I thought you knew it was me with you in the ambulance, but you…thought it was your wife beside you instead”

I put a hand on the cool glass of the window to steady myself, biting down hard on my lip to stop my chin from quivering.

“Is that why ye stayed away from me? Ye thought I’d called ye Annie?”

“You’d been given a lot of drugs, but I heard you Jamie, just as I heard you now. God, I can’t believe I’m back here again”  

“Sassenach, will ye turn around, please”

There was just enough desperation in his tone to pique my interest.  I reluctantly turned, then immediately regretted it.

“Why are you smiling?!”

“Because I’ve only now just worked out what Jenny was talking about when she came to see me in the hospital.”

“You’ve what? Oh bloody marvellous, I’m sure the two of you had a great laugh at my expense!”

“No, nothing like that! Will ye please sit a minute?”

I begrudgingly sat, folding my arms across my chest.

“When Jenny came to see me in the hospital - after ye’d left that is - she told me ye’d said I’d called out for Annie in the ambulance and neither of us could make any sense of it.”

“And you have now?”

He smiled softly at me, placing his hand on mine so gently it was as though I were a bubble he was afraid would burst with too heavy a touch.

“I didna say Annie, Claire.  I said Annie-Ann”

“Annie, Annie-Ann, it’s all the same Jamie”

“No. You’re not listening.  I said a nighean”

“I’m not following…?”

“It’s Gaelic, it means lass. It’s what I called ye just now and what I must've called ye in the ambulance too”

“But that’d only make sense if everything else you said…Oh my god - you… you knew it was me in the ambulance with you?”

“Of course I did - ye saved my life. I told ye I’d be lost without ye.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head, a fat teardrop slipping out unbidden.

“All this time?”

Humming his assent, Jamie placed a warm palm on my cheek, the calloused pad of his thumb wiping away the tear.  My eyes fluttered open to see a look of such tenderness on his face that it threatened to undo me completely.

“I think you need to teach me some Gaelic”

“Aye, anything ye like” he said with a little laugh.

Fingers intertwined, we moved closer; smiling shyly.

“What are you thinking?”

“That my heart’s hammering in my chest so loudly that ye surely can hear it”

Raising a hand to Jamie’s neck, he shivered as my fingers trailed across his skin.  Pressing fingers to his pulse, he let out a little sigh; it was racing.

“Claire” 

I felt a tingle down my spine.  He’d said my name hundreds of times, but never with such rawness, desire radiating from him.

“Can I kiss ye?”

“Yes”

Chapter Text

After a certain age you’re not supposed to dream about a first kiss.  The simple act loses it’s mysterious magic, relegated to the domain of infatuated teenagers drawing hearts over their textbooks.  Seen as small and insignificant, a grown woman with a career and life of her own is supposed to be worried about more important things when it comes to their paramour: Is he any good in bed? Are you exclusive? Is he financially secure?

In that moment, on that clamorous and bumpy train, I couldn’t have cared less about any of that.  Jamie had asked if he could kiss me and I’d said yes; my answer as much a sigh as an actual word.  Pulse reduced to distinguishable thudding beats, my focus narrowed as though it were under a microscope. Him. Me. Us. Now.

Leaning close, his breath was warm on my face.  I closed my eyes, knowing instinctively that his would be too. From the day we’d met it felt like everything was ticking towards this moment; zero hour. 

One inch closer and I could taste him.

His lips met mine with a gentle shimmer of desire.  Like the first flakes of snow, the sensation settled delicately around us; a revelation after waiting and wanting for so long.  Slowly, softly, tenderly, we sunk into each other, a warming glow building with each passing moment.  Over a hundred miles apart for weeks and perennially on different pages for months before that, our mouths met in an unspoken promise to never let each other feel that distance again.  Jamie’s tongue tentatively slid across my lips, coaxing them open.  I responded, touching his tongue with mine and deepening our kiss. His sigh was so soft no one but me could hear it; a quiet breath as his large hands splayed across my back, pulling me to him.

As though they were a fireworks display gone rogue, the synapses in my brain fired in a million different directions at once.  Something I’d so desperately longed for was finally happening and it was everything and nothing like I’d expected.  The smell of Jamie’s skin, the texture of his jacket under my fingers, the heat of his mouth. My heart began to beat faster and faster; both mind and body screaming in unison: more. 

Our blissful bubble was violently popped by an almighty crash! Smashing glass.  Indistinguishable yelling.  It was like going from luxuriating on the sun to being plunged into an icy lake.  Abruptly breaking our kiss, Jamie flung his arms around me. Grasping me close and roughly tucking my head under his chin he threw us both onto the carriage floor; his body a shield from the as-yet-unidentified danger. 

“Oi Jamie, ye mish’t happy hour!”

Still holding me protectively, Jamie shifted slightly; allowing us both to see the cause of the ruckus.  One very drunk Rupert lay giggling in the corridor, blood tricking from where his head must have collided with the now-broken compartment door.  Angus and Willie - who didn’t look any more sober than their workmate, were crouched down beside him assessing the damage.  Realising we weren’t under attack, Jamie’s shoulders slumped in relief.  Still lying on top of me, his gulping breaths matched my galloping heart rate.

“Are ye all right, my Sassenach? Sorry to jump on ye like that, I just didna want ye to be hurt…I…”

He trailed off, deep blue eyes looking lost as he took in the sight of me. Lips slightly swollen and curls all over the place, the surge of emotions in the last ten minutes had left us both spent. 

“I’m ok…thank you for looking out for me”

He smiled and gently butted his nose against mine.

“Always. Now let’s find out why Rupert canna use a door like a normal person”

We scrambled up, by this time the train guard had arrived as well as a small crowd of people craning their necks to uncover the cause of the noise. Helping Rupert to his feet, we got him back into the compartment; Angus and Willie drunkenly jeering him for his clumsiness all the while.  Someone produced a first aid kit and while train staff began to clear away the broken glass, I tended to the cut on Rupert’s head.  The injuries, thankfully, appeared minimal, the door coming off a lot worse than he had.  Seeing that no permanent damage had been inflicted, Jamie didn’t hold back:

“What in God’s name were ye thinking?!”

“We went to the dining car like ye asked us to” Rupert stated matter-of-factly. 

“I meant, why’d ye body-slam the door like a drunken cannon-ball? Can ye not even eat a meal unsupervised?”

“Ye said not to come back til we’d spent the fifty quid ye gave us, so we decided to spend it on beer”

Jamie face immediately began to redden. 

So much for the boys being “verra hungry” and in desperate need of lunch at 10.30am...

I bit my lip to stifle a laugh.

“Aye, well that’s beside the point…The three of ye will be paying for these damages, no arguments!”

“But Jamie…the door…it came out of nowhere!”

 “Aye, sure it did. From now until we get to London, none of ye are to even think about leaving my sight; do ye understand? Christ, at this rate we willna even have a team to compete at Chelsea, let alone thinking about trying to win it”

___

Back in our now door-less compartment, broken glass cleaned away; the boys were soon passed out and snoring.  Jamie and I sat opposite one another next to the window.  Casting a furtive glance at the others I whispered to him:

“Do you think they saw anything? I mean when we were…um…you know…”

Kissing. The word you’re looking for is ‘kissing’ Beauchamp. God, what are you, thirteen?

The tips of his ears pinking, Jamie shook his head.

“Well Rupert didna even see the door when it was right in front of him and so I doubt the other two saw anything but his hairy arse falling to the floor”. 

He smiled ruefully.

“I’m sorry to have put ye in an awkward position”

Staring down at hands clasped in his lap, Jamie had a look of embarrassed trepidation, like at any moment he expected me to say our kiss had all been some mistake.  He couldn't have been more wrong and my heart squeezed thinking of how his need to confess his feelings had resulted in bribing the others just to speak to me in private.

“Fifty pounds just to buy some alone time with me, eh?”

“Ye must think I’m a right fool”

“Hmmm…no, not a fool, but how much do I get for staying here to talk to you? Gotta be at least a hundred by my estimation…?”

I nudged his thigh with my foot. Head snapping up to see my amused smile, his eyes widened in surprise.  Face lighting up with glee, he grabbed my ankle and held it in place.

“Like that is it?” He asked, flashing a grin that all at once turned me from smirking to simmering.  

“Cos I’d hate to think ye were making fun of me, Sassenach…?”

The huskiness of Jamie’s voice had me enthralled and I wondered if I’d even notice if someone else came crashing through the door.  Slowly he reached down to take my other foot, placing them both in his lap.  Eyes smouldering, with the others asleep he didn’t hold anything back; his look of unrestrained desire bringing an immediate flush to my cheeks.  With his thumb, he began tracing circles on my ankle; over and around the bone his work-roughened skin making my nerve-endings sing.  I felt so turned on by this seemingly innocent action that quite unconsciously my tongue darted out to run over my bottom lip.  Jamie saw it and shivered, anticipation for more coursing through us both.  

You’re just touching my ankle and I’m already melting.  What’s going to happen when those fingers caress the other corners of my body...?

The next four hours on the train were surreal; more relaxed in each other’s company than we’d been since meeting, even the simple act of looking at one other felt new and exciting now that we’d revealed the meaning behind it.  Happy and content - and with my feet still in his lap -  Jamie retrieved his copy of Scottish Gardener, actually reading it this time. Every now and then he’d look up at me and smile. I’d run my foot against his arm or he’d squeeze my calf; small touches that communicated the newly declared feelings between us both.

The trip was equally torturous; my fingers ached with the need to touch Jamie and I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth; replaying our kiss over and over.  In addition to craving more physical contact, I was itching to continue our conversation.  We’d admitted our feelings, but where to from here?  With the others in the compartment - albeit fast asleep - verbal communication was impossible and I prayed there’d be a chance for us to speak again soon.

The comparative calm of the train ended as soon as we pulled into King’s Cross Station. Rousing three hungover Scots, unloading luggage, cramming into a cab; our trip to the hotel punctuated with cries of “There’s Big Ben!” and “Turns out the weather’s shite down here, too!” 

Some eight hours after leaving Glasgow we finally made it to our destination.  Situated in a white Regency terrace building, the Kensington Court Hotel was five floors of old-world charm.  As soon as we entered, liveried porters whisked away our bags and we were ushered into the bar for a welcome drink.  They didn’t even raise an eyebrow at Rupert’s crudely bandaged head!  Given it was already late afternoon, we decided to just continue on to dinner before retiring for an early night.

Chatting through plans for the week, our first look at the Chelsea site would be the following morning; we’d then have five days to create our Woman of Balnain-inspired garden before official judging on the weekend.  Throughout the meal, Jamie kept glancing at me, but aside from a small smile in return, there wasn’t anything I could do without raising the notice of the others. Fearing I’d reveal too much by even talking to him, I largely kept my focus on the boys, noticing that Jamie was doing the same.  

At length the meal was done and we all piled into the lift to head up to our rooms.  Rupert was on the first floor, Jamie and Willie on the second, and Angus and I up top on the third.  The lift was small and were this a rom-com instead of real life, I’m sure our positioning would have involved me being pressed close to Jamie, his strong body settling against my curves.  No such luck; wedged between Rupert and Angus, I cursed myself for not just taking the stairs.

Finally making it to my room, I was too keyed up to sleep.  I needed to speak to Jamie; at the very least I needed to know what this meant moving forwards; were we together now? Did he want to be? Did I?  Not fancying our next discussion being over the breakfast table with three big-eared Scots listening in, I decided to call him.  Shaking out my hands, I tried to dispel some of the nervous energy.

Why am I so nervous? Am I worried he’ll want to take back what he said?

Jamie answered on the first ring.

“Hi, are you free to chat?”

“Sassenach?”

“You sound surprised, were you expecting someone else? Is this a bad time?”

“No, of course not; I was just…”

Anxiety getting the better of me I couldn’t hold my thoughts in any longer, blurting out words over his.

“I called to tell you I think we should talk…That is if you wanted to? I mean there’s still things that need to be said and I’d like…sorry hold on a sec, there’s someone at my door”

Feeling somewhat annoyed that housekeeping should choose this exact moment to interrupt and drop off extra towels or a breakfast menu, I flung the door open hoping to get rid of them as soon as possible.  It wasn’t housekeeping.  

Holding his phone to his ear, Jamie’s position perfectly mirrored my own.

“I think we should talk too…that is if you wanted to?”

His lopsided smile immediately set my heart a flutter and I bit my bottom lip at the kismet of us both seeking the other out at the exact same time.

“Well you’d better come in then.” 

Chapter Text

The day had begun at a chilly train station in Glasgow.  Scouring the platform for any sign of Jamie, as the minutes ticked down towards our departure I’d been worried that he wasn’t going to show up.  One train ride later, on which months of repressed emotions had finally seen daylight, we were now in London and I’d just invited him into my hotel room.  My pulse skipped at the thought of it all.  Surprising, exciting and intriguing, I felt a sense of nervous anticipation at what would happen next.  Standing in my doorway, Jamie pressed a hand over his heart, smiling with a gentleness that immediately began to melt some of my nerves. 

He’d removed his jacket since dinner and now wore only a thin black t-shirt which tantalisingly accentuated his muscular form.  As he stepped into the room the scent of him wafted through the air; a fresh masculine aroma with just a hit of tiger grass.  The visual and olfactory combination was intoxicating.  Briefly closing my eyes to try and compose myself, I didn’t notice Jamie had stopped and I stepped forward; straight into him.  Glancing up, an apology got caught on my tongue, the words silently sliding back down my throat. The way he looked at me, I mean really looked, disarmed me completely.  Jamie slowly raised his hand to my face, fingertips sweeping across my cheek and around the shell of my ear.

“You’ve ears like tiny wings, Sassenach”

Without thought, my hands spread across his warm chest, fanning out as I felt his heart thudding beneath my fingertips.  Maybe it was the hours of wanting him mixed with disbelief that he was finally there in front of me, but quite without thought I leaned in and kissed him.  Seemingly taken by surprise at my bold action, Jamie stood stock still momentarily, before strong arms encircled my waist, crushing me to him.  My fingers buried themselves in his curls, pulling us even closer as our kiss moved from a chaste meeting of lips to a passionate exchange that’d have left me breathless; had I any spare thought for something as insignificant as breathing.  Tongues caressing and limbs wrapped around each another like vines, the fiery sensation began to consume us both.  

The strength of his embrace.  The softness of his lips.  The heat of his mouth.

Staggering about like a newborn foal, spacial awareness was an afterthought until we collided rather forcefully with the door.  

“Oof!”

The physical jolt also serving as a mental one, I suddenly recalled the purpose for Jamie’s nocturnal visit was ostensibly to chat.  This having fallen by the wayside when I’d pounced before he’d taken two paces inside the room.

“Err…Sorry about that. I um…don’t know what came over me?”

“Are ye really? Sorry that is?”

His expression closer to a smirk than a smile, Jamie traced my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.

“Well…no I suppose I’m not” 

“Good, cos I havena been able to stop thinking about the taste of ye ever since the train.  I thought I was gonna have to lace Angus’ beer with a sedative just to get him to shut up and go to bed so I could talk to ye alone”

“Ah yes, the talking…”

Extricating myself from his arms we both chuckled at the truth of the situation: we couldn't keep our hands off each other.  

“Perhaps we should sit down?”

As he gestured to a small couch that sat by the foot of the bed a wave of uncertainly swept over me:

Is it too early to define this? I don’t want to push him before he’s ready but why did he tell me he liked me if he didn’t want to define it?  Am I being indelicate by even bringing it up?  Oh shit - is he here just to sleep with me? Have I read this completely wrong?

“Sassenach”

Jamie’s voice was calm, but direct; cutting thorough my haze of anxiety.

“Huh? I mean, yes?”

“Ye know ye get the cutest little line between your brows when ye’re fashed about something?”

With his index finger he traced the line, smoothing it away as he smiled at me affectionately.

“It’s just me, Claire”

Taking my hand, he interlaced our fingers and lead us over to the couch.  Both seated, he ran a hand slowly up and down my thigh, calming me immediately.

How did he do that?

“Ye all right?”

“Yes, thank you.  Sorry, I don’t know why I feel so nervous?!”

“You and me both;  I was fair shitting myself on the way here!”

His admission broke some of the tension and we smiled shyly at each other; pleased to realise neither one of us was alone in how we felt.  Tucking one of my curls behind my ear, he continued:

“Thing is, by my count we’ve spent at least a couple of hundred hours talking already and not once run out of things to say; so we should be able to figure it out, aye?”

Scooting a little closer, I placed my hand over the one he had on my leg and squeezed; our physical connection somehow making the task seem less daunting.

“All right, I’ll start.  What you said to me on the train today - it was beautiful Jamie. I spent a long time believing that my feelings were one-sided so to hear how you felt…well it really meant a lot.  So where to from here, do you think?” 

“I wanted to ask ye the same thing; cos I’m not looking for casual, Claire. I’m not looking for anything actually - just you.  I just want to be with you.”

My throat grew thick at his words.  

“I want to be with you too”

This was everything I’d dreamt of hearing for so long…but there was still things niggling at me that needed to be addressed.  I bit the side of my cheek, debating how to proceed.

“I can tell ye have questions, ask me anything ye like; truely”

“It’s just…Jamie, have you thought about this - I mean really thought about it?  Because once we go down this road, there’s no turning back.”

“I’ve spend the last two weeks thinking of little else, and I’m certain. There’s an energy whenever we’re together, I felt it from the first time I laid eyes on ye.  Can you feel it too?”

“Yes; it makes me feel serenely calm and crazily out of control all at the same time!  It’s been like that since the day we met”

“It has; ye completely captivated me and havena been gone from my thoughts ever since.”  

He smiled; interlacing our fingers again, he swept a thumb back and forth across my palm.

“What’s between us Claire, I know in my heart that it’s right.”

“And you’re sure it isn’t too soon after you’ve separated?”

“I promise ye my marriage is done; except on paper which I’ll remedy as soon as I may. That part of my life is over.  I canna pretend that all I feel for ye is friendship anymore and I ken its a lot to ask…but would ye be willing to take a chance on me?”

I leaned in, cupping Jamie’s cheek with my hand, the familiar tingling from our touch pulsing through me:

“I’d like to take a chance on us”

Eyes darkened to the colour of a moonlit sea, Jamie took my hand from his cheek and kissed my palm.

“Mo nighean donn…my brown haired lass.  I’ve wanted ye to be mine for so long Claire…and I’ve longed to be yours”

Tilting forwards, I ran my tongue over his bottom lip.

“Mine”

Delighting in the way this made him shiver, I grabbed two fistfuls of Jamie’s shirt and pulled him to me. When he spoke his voice was husky, the word caressing my mouth.

“Yours”

The months of craving him had intensified to such a degree that I could no longer hold back. Lips crashing together, it was a kiss full of hunger and pent-up yearning.  The joy at finally being able to physically express what we’d tried to deny for so long opening the floodgates and neither of us could get enough.  Easing me back on the couch, Jamie’s hand snaked over my hip then under, squeezing my arse with a pressure that made me moan.   Spreading my legs wider, he settled between my thighs, our hips now flush as they rolled rhythmically together.  Arousal increasing by the second, at the rate we were going I doubted we’d even make it to the bed before he was inside me. And god did I want him to be.  His breath hot on my neck, in my desire-induced haze I couldn’t decide if it was him or me I wanted naked first.

Him. That golden skin...those broad shoulders...that sculpted chest...

My hands moved under his shirt, fingernails softly scratching the smooth planes of his back.  Jamie groaned, pulling me tighter to him and deepening our kiss.  I began to ruck up the material in anticipation of what was to come when all at once the weight of him was gone.  Opening my eyes, I blinked in confusion.  

Has someone walked in on us? Surely the curse of Rupert-The-Interruptor hasn’t struck again?

Staring at me intently, Jamie took laboured breaths.

“I need to go”

“I thought that you…?  That we…? No?”

My brain and body, having both been full speed ahead, were thrown into complete befuddlement from abruptly being thrust into reverse.  At my somewhat distressed tone, Jamie’s expression softened immediately.

“No - I mean yes - Jesus, Claire ye’ve no idea how much I want ye.  That’s why I’ve got to go”

“You want me and that’s why you’re leaving?”

I scrambled into an upright position, Jamie having retreated to his end of the couch.  Shaking hands moved to hold me by the shoulders, his eyes were ablaze with earnestness; imploring me for understanding.

“Claire, I meant everything I said to ye, please dinna doubt that. It’s just… I think we both know what’ll happen if I stay and whilst I’ve thought about being with ye more times than I’d care to admit, I want the first time we’re together to be, well… special.  Not me showing up at yer door unannounced, unable to keep my hands from ye like some lust-crazed lad” 

“You’ve given it that much thought?”

“Aye…but only so far as it being something we both wanted.  Please dinna think I’ve been working on some grand plan to work my way into your bed; I’m none so clever nor so cunning”

He smiled sheepishly, making my heart squeeze.

“Oh Jamie! You really are so very sweet.  To be honest, I don’t think most guys would really care”

“Well I’m not most guys, although the jury’s still out on whether that’s a good or a bad thing?”

I giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Well as soon as I find out I’ll let you know”

He grinned, bopping me on the nose with his finger.

“Thank ye, Claire”

Reluctantly we rose and walked to the door, then stood holding each other.

“Would I be asking too much for a kiss goodnight?”

I gave him a coy smile then raked my nails up his chest and placed a kiss right on his adam’s apple. Jamie’s arms tightening around me, I stood on tiptoes and whispered in his ear:

“You didn’t say it had to be a kiss on the lips”

“That isna fair Sassenach, taking advantage of a lad in a vulnerable state”

Jamie grasped a fistful of my hair, tugging my head so our mouths met again.  The kiss quickly progressed as hands roamed, the heat from our touches making us crazy with want.  Jamie’s mouth moving from my lips, he began sucking the soft skin of my neck. I moaned his name, only increasing his enthusiasm for the task. 

“Do you…really…have to leave…?”

“Um…yeah, I need to…”

Words trailed off as more kisses followed, our bodies pressed tightly together. Eventually drawing back slightly, our forheads rested against each other's as we took large gulping breaths.

“Is this you leaving?”

Jamie smiled ruefully, cupping my face with his large palms as he stared into my eyes.

“I hate the thought of leaving ye Sassenach….” 

The poor man looked caught between a rock and a hard place; it was utterly adorable.

“You could stay and just…sleep?”

“Stay here in yer room? To sleep?”

Jamie sounded dazed, as thought I was speaking to him underwater and the sounds were taking extra long to reach him.  Stepping back, he ran his hands through his hair -  now sticking up in all directions thanks to my roving fingers.    I moved closer, hooking my index fingers though his belt loops and pulling him against me once more.

“Yes. I’ll even stay fully dressed to protect your virtue if you like?”

“Are ye trying to kill me?”

“Is that a no?”

I surprised myself at this point, I was actually serious.  The day had been unexpected to say the least and whether sex was on the agenda or not, I actually just wanted to be with Jamie. 

“I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just…I want to be near you.  To know when I wake up that is real and not a dream I’m forced to wake from” 

Saying nothing, Jamie regarded me carefully.  I reddened in anticipation of his refusal; ridiculous as we’d been all over each other only moments before.

“This is definitely real.  I want to be near you too, Sassenach.”  

His thumbs traced my cheekbones, a tender smile on his face.

“I suppose we could try - although if ye hear a sound in the middle of the night it will be me taking a cold shower”

The large bed sat in the middle of the room; with fluffy pillows and a thick duvet it called to me like a siren’s song.  Perhaps it should have felt awkward getting into bed with Jamie for the first time, but knowing it’d just be to sleep and that I didn’t have to be parted from him for the night lent it an air of cosy familiarity.  Jamie felt it too, quietly taking off his shoes and slipping into the fresh sheets as though we’d done it a hundred times before.  Both settled under the covers, Jamie snuggled close and let out a satisfied sigh.  His long arms enveloping me from behind, we clicked together like two Lego pieces.  

I’ve fallen asleep thinking of you so many times and now you’re beside me.  Finally.

With Jamie so warm and the bed so soft, it wasn’t long before waves of drowsiness began to wash over me.

“Sassenach?”

“Mmm?”

“Thank ye for asking me to stay.  If I’d gone back to my room I would’ve just stayed awake all night thinkin’ of ye again”

“Again?”

“Aye, barely got a wink last night; ‘tis why I was late for the train this morning”

“Oh, so you’re saying that was my fault, is that it?”

“Absolutely; driving me to distraction for months.  Maybe now I’ll finally get a good night’s sleep? Course that depends on how loud ye snore…”

He chuckled as I elbowed him in mock outrage but I couldn’t keep the smile from my face when he drew me closer and nuzzled into my neck with a light kiss.

“Goodnight Jamie”

“Sweet dreams, my lass”

Chapter Text

One of the first purchases I made after moving to Scotland was an extra-large hot water bottle.  The Glasgow days were predictably chilly but the nights were positively freezing and aside from a roughly two-week period in July, my hot water bottle was in service year-round.  I hadn’t brought it with me to London so when I awoke the next morning and felt it warming my bed I was somewhat confused.

Sleep-filled eyes slowly blinking open I looked down and bit my lip to stifle a giggle.  Settled against my chest was not my hot water bottle but my Jamie; arms and legs binding me to him like a swaddling cloth. At some point in the night a few of the my shirt buttons had come undone (or perhaps were undone by Jamie?) and his face was buried between my breasts; warm breath caressing my skin while he slumbered.  With his strong body nestled into mine; to describe myself as turned on at this point would’ve been a gross understatement. 

I shifted slightly and Jamie snuggled closer, his face rubbing over the soft skin of my chest.  The feel of his rough stubble made me want to rip my shirt the rest of the way open and beg him to take one of my hardened nipples into his hot mouth.  Sleeping or not, I knew he felt the same way; the hard length of him pressing into my thigh, it took all my focus not to roll my hips against him. 

“Mmmm, Sassenach”

Jamie’s eyelashes fluttered against me; however, awaking to his field of vision being entirely filled with the satin of my bra clearly wasn’t what he’d been expecting.  With a shocked yelp his arms and legs retracted from around me faster than a vacuum cleaner cord on steroids.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry, I didna mean to…”

In the mood for something other than an unnecessary apology I tilted Jamie’s chin up with a finger and kissed him.  Our tongues caressing, his worried expression melted into a smile as he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him in the process.  Hands coming up to hold my sides, his palms gently rubbed my torso as he squeezed me to him.  My fingertips tensing on his biceps and the scent of him filling my lungs; our kiss was long and unhurried, like honey slowly dripping from the lip of the jar.   Jamie moaned in contentment, the feel of it vibrating through me.

When we pulled back for air we rested our foreheads together, both wearing matching grins.  I felt giddy with happiness; we couldn’t stop staring at each other.

“Did ye sleep ok? I didna take up too much space in your bed?”

With inquisitiveness written all over his face, he seemed genuinely concerned over how I’d slept.  It was adorable.

“Yes thank you, I slept wonderfully”. 

Looking happily relived, Jamie placed a soft kiss on my lips.

“How about you?” 

“Best sleep I’ve had in months. Had a dream about a raven-haired nymph who had her way with me in an enchanted forest”

“Good dream then?”

“Hmm, it certainly was.  Verra curvy lass” 

At this his hands skimmed down my sides and grabbed my arse, squeezing with enthusiasm.

“Hey!”

Jamie laughed, low and deep in his chest, eyes slanting as he smiled. 

“So I was wondering…Can I take ye out tonight?

I flopped back on the bed, tapping my chin with my index finger.

“Hmmm…”

“…I mean like a date…if ye wanted to?”

Jamie searched my face for a response as I furrowed my brow as though deep in thought.

“Tonight’s no good for me sorry…I’ve already got plans with Rupert.  He’s promised to show me his best moves on the dance floor, something about a worm? Or was it a slug? I forget…”

My giggles fizzed in response to Jamie’s shocked expression. 

“Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be is it?  Ye want to see me suffer?”

“I’d have thought that was obvious already?”

“Ye wee minx!”

He started tickling me; my girlish squeal of surprise turning into wheezing gasps of laugher that amused Jamie no end.

“All right, all right, I’ll go out with you!”

The tickling was replaced with soft nuzzling into my neck as Jamie made a sound that was very much like a cat purring.

“Are you always this demanding?”

“Only when it comes to you, mo nighean donn”

“I’ll be sure to remember that”

Hitching my leg over his hip, Jamie cuddled close; deep blue eyes staring into my own.

“I ken we’re here for Chelsea but I’d love to spend some time with ye.  To take ye out, hold your wee hand in mine, tell ye how beautiful ye are…”

I trailed my fingertips across his cheek.

“Are you sure this won’t be too much of a distraction from the competition?  You wouldn’t rather wait ‘til it’s all finished?” 

“Sassenach, if it wasn’t for you we wouldn't even be here.  To have ye by my side for something so important is only going to make this week all the more special.”

“Jamie…”

My eyes were shining but I didn’t care; the warming glow that I felt whenever Jamie and I touched radiating through me.

“I’ve wanted to tell you how I’ve felt for so long.  I can’t wait to spend some time together, just the two of us”

Our faces were close enough for our lips to meet, but we just lay there smiling at each other; the sounds of London waking up floating in through the window.

“Would you mind if we didn’t tell anyone about us until we’re back in Scotland?  Not that a candle-lit dinner with Angus in tow wouldn’t be amazing…but I’d like to keep you to myself for a little bit”

“Ye can keep me to yerself for as long as ye like my Sassenach”

Jamie captured my bottom lip between his teeth.  I hissed in response and he chuckled, pulling me close and kissing me deeply; a promise for all that was to come.

__

An hour later and settled at the breakfast table, I poured a large cup of coffee in anticipation of the busy day ahead.  From the corner of my eye, I watched Jamie at the buffet and felt a blush rise in my cheeks thinking of him in my bed.  Thankfully the boys were too pre-occupied with their meals to notice and for several minutes the only sound at our table was them shovelling as much food into their mouths as they could manage.  It reminded me of feeding seagulls at the beach; a squawking hoard that acted like they hadn’t eaten in months.

Willie skewered his fork with a piece of bacon and pointed it at me, his brow creased in confusion:

“What happened to yer neck, Claire? Did ye cut yerself shaving?”

With a mouthful of egg, Rupert scoffed at Willie’s question.

“Shaving? Dinna be daft - women dinna shave their necks!”

“My Auntie Maggie does, she says she has to otherwise people get her confused for my Uncle Campbell”

Rupert shuddered. “Well Claire isna yer Auntie Maggie…Thank God!”

His gaze shifted to my neck, eyes widening at the sight.

“Nay, that isna cut from shaving - Claire’s got a lovebite!”

My hand flew to my neck, thoughts flashing to the night before.

Jamie sweeping the hair from my nape, sealing his lips to my throat.  My breathless moaning of his name, his arms tightening around me at the sound...

Shit, shit, shit! How did I miss a goddamn hickey when I was getting ready this morning?

The answer should have been obvious. After Jamie and I peeled ourselves out of bed we’d bid farewell at the door; my hands under his shirt, his weaving through my hair and our mouths fused as though a passing blacksmith had welded us together.  Clearly I’d had other things on my mind.  There wasn’t even time to come up with a plausible excuse before the Spanish Inquisition - aka Angus and Rupert - descended.

“So who’s the lucky lad, Claire?”

“Is it anyone we ken?”

“How long have ye been together? Or did ye just pick him up in a pub?”

“Oi - if ye were just lookin’ for a quickie, why didna ye call one of us?”

The walls closing in, it was at this moment that the man who’d landed me in all this hot water decided to return to the table.

“Jamie! Wait til ye hear this - Claire’s got a boyfriend!”

“A what? She told ye that?”

Given our earlier conversation, Jamie’s wide-eyed confusion was understandable.

“No I didn’t! I never used the word boyfriend!”

Wincing at my shrill tone, I balled my hands on the table to stop myself from covering my face with them.

“Pfft, semantics - ye didna get that lovebite by magic so come on fess up, who is he?” demanded Angus.

I looked over at Jamie, expecting him to intervene and shut down this line of questioning.  I was sorely mistaken.

“That’s a verra good question, Angus.  Who is this lad Sassenach? I’d imagine he’s frightfully handsome, probably with a great sense of humour, amazing body…”

My eyes narrowed at Jamie as the jerk sniggered into a bowl of porridge; an unbelievably poor attempt to hide his amusement.

Oh? Like that is it? Fine, two can play at that game laddie!

“You know, that’s the funny thing.  He’s none of those things - quite plain to look at, terribly dull but oddly has a hugely over-inflated ego…”

Jamie spluttered into his porridge and I smirked into my coffee cup.

Not content to let the subject drop, Angus continued: 

“If he’s such a dud, why’d ye let him give ye that great big hickey?”

“I’m beginning to ask myself the same thing…” I raised a questioning brow at Jamie who did not look pleased at the direction the conversation had now taken.

“Maybe it was an accident?  Did he try to kiss yer mouth but missed and got yer neck instead?” offered Willie, sipping his tea.

“Jesus Christ man, were ye raised in an underground bunker? There’s no such thing as an accidental lovebite!  Trust me, I’ve had one myself” Rupert declared with authority.

“Aye, we remember - ye gave it to yerself with the vacuum cleaner. Yer mam said it was the only time she’d seen ye use the damn thing!”

“Piss off Angus; it was from a lass! Anyway, we aren’a taking about me - when are ye seein’ Romeo again Claire?”

“He’s asked me out tonight actually.  What do you think; should I go?”

“I wouldna bother; guy sounds like a complete snoozer.  I’m sure ye could do much better”

“Agreed, just pretend ye lost his number.”

“And then ye can come out wi’ us instead, we’re bound to attract some good lookin’ birds if yer with us!”

His joke having officially backfired Jamie finally decided to interject.

“All right, all right that’s enough. I think we best leave Claire to her own business, aye”

“Geez Jamie, ye never let us have any fun” grumbled Angus.

“Speaking of…are ye expecting us to live as monks while we’re here?” added Rupert.

“For the umpteenth time, we’re here to compete at Chelsea, not for ye to go scouting for girls.”

“Aye, just as well; even if I do meet one while we’re here, there willna be any point as ye’ve gone and booked us all single rooms.  Can barely fit myself on the wee mattress, let alone anyone else!”

“Single rooms?” I enquired.

“Aye, me, Angus and Willie have all got single beds, haven’t you?”

Under the table, I felt a large foot press into mine and looked over to see Jamie staring at me, shaking his head ever so slightly.

The boys all had singles and me a suite? Had he booked the room with an expectation of me sharing it with him?

Jamie’s face reddening and filled with worry; he looked like he was going to be sick.

“Aye, well ye know…global financial crisis, gotta tighten our belts…”

“The GFC was ten years ago Jamie; dinna be blaming yer miserliness on that!”

“You’re welcome to pay for an upgrade; until then shut yer gob.”

Rupert huffed and returned to inhaling some bacon, the boys soon chatting about a shinty match from the night before.  Turning to me, Jamie ran a hand though his hair and swallowed nervously.

“Um…Claire? Might I have a word with ye?”

Leaving the breakfast room, Jamie led us to a small alcove in the hallway. Face drawn, he looked like he was about to meet the executioner.

“I know what this looks like…fuck, this honestly couldna be off to a worse start!  I promise ye Sassenach, I didna plan any of this.”

“The rooms were a random allocation were they?”

“Um…well no”

“I see” 

I folded my arms awaiting further explanation.

“I mean I obviously knew ye were to have a nice room, I just…I wanted ye to have something special, seeing as ye were the inspiration for us being here.”  

Jamie closed his eyes and ran fingers across his knotted brow.  Sighing in resignation he continued:

“I was gonna tell ye yesterday but then after what happened on the train I thought it’d look like I had some other agenda…”

“So you thought me finding out after you’d spent the night in my room would be a better option? I assume you actually have your own room booked?”

“Aye, of course I do!  And I had no expectation that I’d be in with ye; I swear.  It’s just… I’m not very good at this kinda thing.  I was worried if ye knew I’d booked ye something different from the others ye’d think I was coming on too strong; of course now it seems like some pathetic attempt to seduce ye and I probably look no better than Rupert.  I’m so sorry a nighean I just…”

He only stopped babbling when my lips met his.  Long arms curling around my waist and mine looping around his neck, the kiss was soft and tender.  After a little while he pulled back, a lopsided smile on his face.

“That’s twice today ye’ve shut me up with a kiss”

“I promise to work on my active listening skills”

“Hey I’m not complaining! But…well ye wouldna had to do it if I didna keep acting like a fool”

“Yes, but now you’re my fool.”

Smiling, I nudged my nose against his.

“It’s like we said yesterday - if this is going to work, we’ve got to be honest with one another.  So if you go and do something ridiculous  - albeit something utterly adorable -  just tell me, ok?”

“I will.  No more poorly-planned surprises”

He kissed my brow in affirmation.

“For the record, I love the room.”

Jamie’s face transformed into a bright smile, which faltered when his eyes settled on my neck.

“I am sorry for this though” leaning forward he placed a soft kiss on the mark.  “I’m sorry to have caused ye embarrassment mo nighean donn”

Twisting my fingers in the hair at his nape, I pulled him down so his ear was level with my mouth:

“Who said anything about being embarrassed?  Play your cards right and I might let you bite me some more…”

Chapter Text

The first time I went to the Chelsea Flower Show I was eleven years old.  There wasn’t a lot of money growing up so taking the train down from Oxford with Uncle Lamb was a huge treat and from the minute we stepped onto the Showgrounds, I was hooked.  The vivid colours, the jaw-dropping designs, the throngs of enthusiastic patrons - I’d loved it all. Twenty years later I was standing at the entrance to Chelsea again - just as excited but twice as nervous.

It was one thing to create a beautiful garden space when we were in the familiar surrounds of Scotland, but on the festival site, a virtual blank canvas in front of us and teams of professionals all around…well we certainly felt outside our comfort zones.  Sensing everyone was feeling somewhat overwhelmed, Jamie gathered us together for a chat.

“Before we begin I want to say thank you; we’re standing here today because of the fantastic effort each and every one of ye have put in to make Jardin de James the business that it is.  I ken it’s intimidating being surrounded by so many other talented landscapers, but we’ve earned our place here just as much as anyone else”

Unfurling the plans for our design, Jamie took us on a tour of our plot.  The flattened grass transforming into a rugged piece of the Highlands at his words.  For each section Jamie made a point of singling each of us out and explaining how our particular skills would be of an advantage.  A shouty pep-talk wasn’t what we needed and Jamie knew it; his encouragement and belief in our abilities giving everyone the confidence to feel like we could accomplish anything.  

Watching him in his element like this, his natural leadership abilities shone through and I could easily say we’d all have followed in whichever direction he wanted to take us.  Confident without being arrogant, Jamie’s innate ability to understand how to help people was one of the things I loved most about him.

The morning was frenetic.  We were competing in the Artisan Gardens section and the dozen or so competing teams all had adjoining lots along the same strip.  Beeping trucks reversed in with load after load of materials.  Giant cranes lifted in fully grown trees.  People in hard hats and fluorescent vests rushed here there and everywhere.  We approached our task with a quiet dedication; the first job was to get the soil in and create a raised area for what would be our circle of standing stones.  After three hours of shovelling and smoothing Jamie declared a fifteen minute break, encouraging everyone to go explore the Showgrounds as there’d be less time as the week went on.  

I headed off in the direction of the Great Pavilion, it’s white canvas walls just beginning to be fixed into place.  When completed it’d be jam packed with all the individual flowers being presented for competition at the show; everything from Mexican dahlias to Moroccan roses.  Aside from taking in my surrounds there was something more pressing I needed to attend to; smiling excitedly to myself, I dialled Joe’s number.  Had it only been yesterday that we’d last spoken? I certainly had a lot to fill him in on.

“Everyone knows London is filled with those red phone boxes so there better be some amazing excuse why you didn’t call last night.  What happened FaceTiming me when you got to the hotel?”

“I ah…well I wasn’t alone…”

Joe’s response was an ear-splitting sound, like the squawk of a macaw but more shrill.  I held the phone at arm’s length ‘til he’d calmed down. 

“Deep breaths Jo-Jo”

“Oh to hell with your deep breathing! Tell. Me. Everything!!”

So I did - about how Jamie and Ann had separated and how he’d had feelings for me all this time.  About the kiss on the train and Rupert smashing the glass in the compartment. And finally about how Jamie had shown up at my hotel room door and we’d spent the night in each others’ arms.

“Jesus Christ LJ, that’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard! But come on - you totally slept with him didn’t you?”

“We didn’t, I swear. He said he wants to wait…he wants it to be special”

“Wow. Um…ok. Seems I’ve been misjudging the little ginger-snap, cos I could have sworn he was gonna strip you naked the first chance he got!”

“Joe!”

“What? I’ve seen how he looks at you!”

“It’s not like that.  This feels different; we just want to be together and and see where it goes”

“How am I supposed to tease you if you’ve gone all swoony on me?”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way”

“So tell me - what’s the go with his wife? How long have they been separated for? Has he filed for divorce? Was it a bad break up?”

“I’m not sure…”

“To which question?”

I cleared my throat awkwardly, realising the exuberance from the last twenty-four hours had washed over any deep enquires as to Jamie’s marital status.

“Um…well we haven’t discussed any of that yet.”

“I see…”

“It’s not like he wouldn’t tell me…it’s just all been so intense…we haven’t really talked about it in much detail.  Is that bad?”

“LJ, no one’s expecting you to have compiled a dossier on Jamie’s relationship history twenty-four hours in.  The guy’s clearly crazy about you; it just wouldn't hurt to find out a little bit more about what went down with the wife so we can rule out a bunny boiler-type situation…”

“Oh God, you don’t think…?”

“Honey, it was a joke.  Something’s bothering you though, I can tell”

I kicked around a pebble on the path, trying to order my thoughts.

“Joe, I spent so long trying to deny my feelings for Jamie because he was someone else’s husband. Even though he’s separated now, some of the guilt I used to feel is still there”

“I get it; in an ideal world he wouldn't have been married when you met, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be happy.  Tell him how you feel and go enjoy being together.  Oh and then call me with all the goss!”

___

I returned to our garden site to find Jamie carrying a huge stone atop his shoulders, sweat glistening across his brow and arms.

“How’s is going there Atlas?”

He deposited the stone in its spot with a triumphant grunt.

“I’m glad you’re back. Hardly any point hauling those things around if there isn't a certain bonnie lass here to impress”

“Is showing off your muscles in front of said bonnie lass the only reason you insist on doing so much of the manual labour when we’re on site?”

“I’d I have thought that was obvious. Is it working?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Oh heavens no, far too try-hard I’m afraid…”

Jamie’s expression of outrage turned out to be a double-bluff.  While I was giggling at my retort he skirted behind me, quick as a flash capturing me in his arms and rubbing his sweat-soaked face into my neck.

“Eww, Jamie! Gross!”

He chuckled deep in his chest, highly amused with my disgust.

“Is this how it’s gonna be every time I disagree with you? You just strong-arming me into submission?”

Arms wrapped around my waist, he paused and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Ah - so ye admit I have strong arms?” 

Spinning around, I shoved him playfully in the chest;  with a laugh Jamie pulled me close, kissing my smile with his own.  Sweaty or not, I found him completely irresistible.

“Where are the others?”

“Gone to the loading dock to collect the standing stones.  Come, help me with these wee wildflowers”

Surrounding the standing stones were to be a sprinkling of Scottish Primroses.  Small blueish-purple flowers with an orange centre, they were found only in the Highlands and were extremely rare in the wild. Not trusting Rupert and his less-than-delicate approach, the task of depotting them fell to me.  Carefully I prised the blooms from their tubs, spreading their small roots to prepare for replanting in the newly laid earth.

Nearby Jamie set up tubing and a pump which would supply water for the small burn we’d be installing; for the next quarter of an hour we worked in companionable silence.  My conversation with Joe still weighed heavily and brow furrowed, I bit my lip debating how to broach it with Jamie. At length I looked up and noticed him regarding me with interest.

“Something on your mind, a nighean?”

“Well yes…nothing bad, it’s just…”

“Whatever it is, ye can tell me.  Ye dinna need to stand there worrying how I’ll react”

“How did you…?”

“I’ve spend a lot of time looking at ye Claire - probably most of it when ye didn’t ken I was watching - and one of the things I like about ye is how much ye care about others.  Tell me, aye?

His smile was warm and undemanding.

“All right”. 

I took a deep breath. 

“Ever since we’ve met I’ve felt a pull towards you. To be honest there’ve been times when it was so strong I’d forget you were even married.  It was like a bright light that just blinded me to anything else.  Afterwards I’d always feel guilty because you weren’t mine and I guess part of me wonders if it’s right for me to feel so happy, now?”

“There’s nothing to feel guilty about, I promise”

He stepped over to my workbench, looking at me with sincerity.

“Getting married is my single biggest regret, Claire. But our lives are the sum of our decisions and that was mine, no one forced me into it.  Over the years…it’s cost me a lot.  There’s nothing between Ann and I, save respect; so I canna pretend to be sorry for a moment that things have come to an end. ” 

Lifting his hand, he held my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“I want to be with ye mo nighean donn; ye make me happier than I ever thought I could be.  I ken there’s still a lot for us to learn about each other, but I never want ye to feel any culpability over poor decisions I’ve made, okay?”

I nodded.  Eyes softening, he moulded his lips to mine, our kiss a physical confirmation of his words.  When we pulled back he took my hand and placed it over his heart.

“Thank ye for telling me how you’re feeling”

“Always”

___

The rest of the day was a flurry of activity.  The boys returned with a forklift and trailer full of our standing stones and after setting up an elaborate pulley-system we all worked together to heave them into position.

Although there was no further opportunities for Jamie and I to talk alone, we couldn’t stop looking at each other.  All afternoon there’d be moments when our eyes would lock; excitement ahead of our first date filling us both with a kind of giddy anticipation only amplified by it being our little secret.  Our earlier conversation left me feeling lighter and even more connected to Jamie, my heart swelling with the ever-expanding honesty between us.

By five o’clock we’d transformed our site from an empty space into the bare-bones structure of our design. The topsoil was laid, the standing stones were up and the irrigation for the water features was in place.  

“Still a hell of a lot of work to go, but great effort today everyone, I’m really proud of ye”

“Pint to celebrate getting to the end of our first day, Jamie?”

“Sorry can’t tonight, I’m wrecked - will be having an early one.  But ah…you lads have fun, don’t be out too late mind”

“Aye, Boss.  And we willna be asking Claire to join us, she’s got her date with the hickey-guy”

“Ooo-Ooh” chimed in Angus.

“That’s right, she does.  Sassenach, if ye do end up going with that dolt, try and be nice, aye?”

“I’m always nice!”

Angus responded with a exaggerated cough followed by the word ‘bullshit’ which made everyone laugh.

The boys walking off to pack up the equipment, I headed over to our primrose seedlings to give them one final water for the day.

“Sassenach, before I get going; have ye got a minute?”

Expecting Jamie’s last minute need for a chat to be a last minute need for a kiss, I stepped toward him eagerly.  Instead, Jamie edged backwards, fingers tapping against his thigh.

“Is everything all right?”

Casting a furtive glance around the make sure their others were out of earshot, he spoke in a low whisper.

“I wanted to ask ye about tonight…about after, I mean”

“After?”

“I dinna wish to presume anything…I was just wondering if I would um…that is, would ye want me to stay with ye again?”

“Well only if you wanted to…?”

“Yes…definitely yes”

“Oh, well good”

I gave him a peck on the cheek, delighting in the way it made him blush.

“Is that all you wanted to ask me?”

“Aye…” 

Jamie coughed, staring at the ground.

“…Actually no, well not all of it”

“Okay…”

“I was just wondering if I um…should come prepared?”

“Oh, like with your toothbrush you mean?”

Jamie twisted his hands, determined to look anywhere but at me.

“Um…not exactly”

“No?”

Jamie flushed bright red and realisation about the true purpose of the  conversation finally dawned. 

“Are you asking me if you should bring condoms?”

“Ye-…” his voice, half an octave higher than normal, cracked part way through the word. “I mean, yes”

I pursed my lips to try to stem the laughter but it was no use.

“Wh-why didn’t you just s-s-say so to begin with?” 

A loud snort and all pretence at restraining my guffaws was abandoned.  Looking down at me, Jamie began to laugh too, the both of us giggling uncontrollably like a kids who’ve been told to keep quiet at church.  Gradually regaining our composure, I placed a hand on his cheek, caressing the wide curve of his smile.

“You’re like a kaleidoscope, just when I think I see you, you shift in another direction and show me another beautiful side to you” 

Jamie turned his face and kissed my palm. 

“You know you could have just brought them with you tonight?”

With a smirk he stepped close, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Claire - there are only two types of guys that walk around with condoms in their wallet.  First is the kind that’ll shag anything that moves and the second is seventeen year-old lads who’ve been carrying around the same one for two years praying for the day when they’ll finally get their end away”

“And which are you?”

“Oh verra funny” grinning, he cuddled me to him before his expression turned more serious.

“I have no problem buying condoms Sassenach, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how tonight would end up…I’d never want ye to feel pressured into anything ye werena comfortable with.  However, if things did go in that direction and we couldna be together cos I didn’t have anything, then I think I might die from wanting ye…”

Taking his face my hands, I looked him square in the eye.

“Please don’t ever change James Fraser, you’re perfect just the way you are”

I kissed him softly, the tips of his ears glowing pink.

“And if it’s not too much information before we've even been on one date, I’m on the pill and I get tested every twelve months, just to be sure. So if you've been tested recently, we could just see where things go? No pressure either way.”

Jamie nodded in agreement, looking a little dumbfounded.

“Ye really are the most remarkable woman; I have no idea why ye’d agree to go out with a soft-headed lad like me”

“Are you saying I should reconsider?”

Jamie tightened his grip on my waist.

“Never!”  He nuzzled into my neck, making me laugh.  “I do have to leave now though. I have some things to attend to…”

“…And will you be enlightening me as to what these things are?”

“Now where would be the fun in that?”

He playfully slapped my arse before walking away, a cheeky grin on his face.

“See ye at seven, my sexy lass”

Chapter Text

My packing list for London included three Jardin de James polo shirts, a myriad of gardening tools and a large tube of sunscreen for protecting my pasty English skin. It did not, hardly surprisingly, include an outfit worthy of a first date, especially not a first date with Jamie. With lack of suitable options in my suitcase, I left the Chelsea festival site and made a beeline straight for the shops on Oxford Street.

I wasn’t normally the type to be swept away by transient notions of beauty; working outdoors meant that more often than not there were brambles in my hair and potting mix all over my shirt. So long as I was in a garden surrounded by nature’s beauty, I didn’t much care how I looked. As sage as that sounded, I wasn’t immune to wanting to look my best to impress someone and as I leafed through racks of dresses, nerves began to creep in.

What if I’m all dressed up and it’s still not enough? How am I supposed to compete with a beauty-queen like Ann?

Gripping the dress in my hand I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.

Stop. Ann is gone. He wants to be with you.

I remembered Jamie pulling me on top of him in bed that morning. Hands squeezing my arse, I felt the hard length of him between my thighs as he pressed me closer, seeking friction. Even the memory of it had my body pulsing with desire.

Determined to banish irrational thoughts, I continued my search for the perfect outfit. By some miracle I found what I was looking for within half an hour and sped back to the hotel with a plan to scrub and style myself into my best attempt at irresistible.

Ready with ten minutes to spare, I paced the room absentmindedly rubbing my hands up and down my arms. Moving in front of the mirror I inspected my teeth to make sure they were free of lipstick; like the previous three times I’d checked, they were fine. Recalling all those months ago when Jamie and I had gone to breakfast together, I bit back a rueful smile. Then, like now I’d been fussing in front of the mirror before he arrived; desperately hoping he’d find me funny/smart/attractive enough. So much had changed since then though; no more ambiguity about how we felt about each other and finally free to be together; we were on a road to somewhere good and I couldn't wait to get started.

As the clock chimed seven there was a soft knock at the door; opening it, my breath hitched. Russet waves casually styled, a lopsided smile and a freshly pressed shirt hugging his muscular frame; Jamie looked unbelievably handsome. For a beat we stood silent, taking each other in.

“Wow. Claire… Ye’re breathtaking”

Eyes sweeping over the lilac coloured dress I wore, he looked at me with such unfiltered appreciation it made my cheeks flush. Palms feeling sweaty, I wiped them self-consciously on my dress.

“Um…well I don’t know about that; but I brushed my hair at least…”

Jamie’s brow crinkled in confusion.

“Do ye really have no idea? Up until yesterday, every day at work was a constant battle to keep from telling ye how beautiful ye are.”

“Even when I was covered in dirt, my hair as wild as a blackberry bush?”

“I always find ye irresistible mo nighean donn. And now that I’m able to, I’ll be telling ye how stunning ye are every chance I get”

Threading fingers through my curls, he gently pressed his mouth to mine, kissing me with a tenderness that matched his words. Pre-date nerves dissolving, a wave of warmth washed over me, accompanied by an excited fluttering in my stomach.

“I’ve been counting down the minutes til I could see you again”

Jamie grinned then stepped back, pulling from behind him a large bunch of flowers. Wrapped in brown paper and secured with a yellow bow, my eyes widened as I took in the bouquet: pink flowers of an echinacea, delicate purple petals of rosemary, bright orange calendula and scarlet bee balm with spike-shaped petals. This was no ordinary collection of blooms - they were all ornamental herbs; I’d never seen anything so exquisite.

“Oh Jamie! Wherever did you find these? It must have taken you ages to source them all”

“Ye like them?”

“I love them”

His cheeks pinking, Jamie put an arm softly around my waist

“I thought maybe ye could dry them…I remember ye said ye liked to do that”

I bit my lip as I looked up at him, touched by his thoughtfulness.

“They’re gorgeous, thank you for giving me something so memorable”

He smiled modestly, looking pleased his gift was so well received. Heart swelling at the sight, before I knew it we were kissing again. The scent of the flowers and Jamie’s masculine aroma making me dizzy with want, I pressed closer, my mouth opening to his. Across my shoulders and down my torso; work-roughened palms caressed me with ever increasing urgency. Barely pausing for breath, my free hand rubbed in circles on Jamie’s chest. Fingertips travelling, I reached inside the open neck of his shirt, eagerly brushing the exposed golden skin. Arousal levels in us both rising faster than mercury on a hot summer’s day, Jamie moaned with need.

“Ok, we need to leave now or we willna be leaving at all”
___
Flowers safely left with the concierge to put them in a vase in my room, we practically skipped out to the front of the hotel.

“Which way from here? Are we walking or taking the tube?”

Jamie huffed incredulously.

“Sassenach, it’s our first date - we’re hardly gonna be cramming onto the smelly underground so I can take ye to Burger King.”

He paused, smirking.

“…our second and third dates, absolutely. The shine will definitely have worn off by then. In fact I’d be surprised if I can even be bothered to peel myself off the couch…”

“Oh you think you’re so funny don’t you?”

Sniggering, Jamie nodded; I poked him in the stomach, which only served to increase his mirth. Feeling giddy with the freedom to be so open with one another, I wrapped my arms around his neck, Jamie followed suit, enveloping my waist with his big hands.

“I canna help it, ye get the cutest look on your face when you’re annoyed. Tis worth your ire just for that”

“You’re lucky I like you so much”

Chuckling, he gave me a peck on the neck, lingering for just long enough to make my blood start to fizz again. Eyes crinkling at the edges, I realised Jamie knew exactly the effect he was having and prodded him in the chest in faux-annoyance.

“So are you telling me where we’re going?”

Jamie smiled excitedly and turned me in his arms. Parked by the kerb was a 1930s-style Rolls Royce; painted Racing Green, a man in a matching chauffeurs cap stood alongside. I spun back around.

“Is this…? For us?”

“Yep”

Clapping my hands with glee, I danced towards the car. Perhaps I should’ve held back from acting like a kid that’d just been told they were going to an amusement park, but after growing up with an history-loving uncle, I adored all things vintage. I turned to Jamie, beaming:

“It’s like we’ve stepped onto the set of Downton Abbey!”

“A classy car for my classy lass”

“Look at you Captain Smooth!”

I ran a hand over his shirt, fingernails softy scratching.

“It’s totally working by the way”

Eyes darkening, Jamie took my hand, kissing the inside of my wrist.

“I’d like nothing more than to explore the city with ye a nighean, but as we’re a bit pressed for time this week, I thought tonight we could see it together in style…sound ok?”

“Sounds amazing, I can’t wait!”

Tipping his cap, the driver opened the door for us. The car was all luxury with creamy white leather seats and polished oak panelling. Resting in the footwell was a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket of ice; I couldn’t believe the level of effort Jamie had gone to.

For the next hour we took in the sights; the sky gradually pinking into dusk, gilding the city with a golden hue. Iconic Big Ben, historic Westminster Abbey, the bright lights of the West End; we pointed out places we’d visited before and new ones to explore together. Sipping champagne, Jamie’s arm was around my shoulders while I snuggled close; it felt like I hadn’t stopped smiling since our evening had begun. Small touches and smiles were punctuated with laughter and kisses. It was the perfect chance for us to just be together, without the pressure of anything else.

I wonder if how much I love you is written all over my face?

Driving along Kensington High Street, Jamie squeezed my hand.

“Almost there”

“Where’s there?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see”

Jamie attempted a wink, which looked more like a drunken blink. I giggled; his inability to close one eye at a time hadn’t improved in all the time I’d known him.

“Ah, so the red owl is back again I see”

Laughing himself, Jamie nipped my earlobe in retaliation.

“Quiet you! Or ye willna be getting any dinner!”

Eyes sparkling as he looked at me mischievously, the fluttering in my belly returned with force. Moments later, our car slowed in front of a pub, or at least I assumed it was a pub, it was a little hard to tell as every inch of the building’s exterior was covered in flowers. Bright pinks, crisp whites, dramatic reds; it looked like a bouquet come to life. Jamie hopped out of the car and held out a hand to help me.

“Right this way, my lady”

A hanging sign read The Churchill Arms above a painted portrait of the former Prime Minister. Stepping inside, the name made sense; crammed with Winston Churchill memorabilia, every inch of wall space was covered in pictures, newspaper clippings and historic mementos. Eccentric and quirky it was packed with patrons sipping pints of thick dark ale. Taking my hand, Jamie lead us to a small door in the rear; holding it open, he ushered me through with a warm hand on the small of my back. Equal parts courteous and possessive, it summed up Jamie completely and was already a touch I couldn't get enough of.

Beyond the door, it was as if we’d walked into a giant greenhouse. Hanging from the ceiling were dozens of potted plants creating a lush green canopy; soft pink lighting gave the room an ethereal feel. Settled in a cosy corner table and surrounded by flowers on all sides, a tendril of ivy hung just above my head.

“What is this place?”

“It’s a Thai restaurant. I wasna sure if ye liked this kinda food…? Stupid, I should've asked ye first. Would ye prefer something fancier? Because we can always find another place? Or…”

Brow furrowed and hands fidgeting, I stopped Jamie’s rambling with a squeeze on the shoulder.

“Hey - you’ve created the most wonderful evening for us - in what free time I’ve no idea - and it’s been beyond anything I could have hoped for”

Jamie smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry, I’m uh…well I’m a bit out of practise with this kinda thing. I’ve had it in my head that tonight needed to be perfect… So ye’d know how much ye mean to me”

“It has been perfect - you know why? Because we’re together; there’s no need to second guess yourself. It’s just me, remember?”

Picking up Jamie’s hand, I kissed his fingers and was pleased to see his frown start to fade a little.

“Not to downplay how you’re feeling, but where’s this coming from? You seemed fine when we were driving just before?”

“Aye, well…that was different, I had ye in my arms then. Somehow things always seem easier when we’re touching”

“We’ll just have to rectify that then”

Getting up from my seat, I moved to the chair next to Jamie and ran a hand up his thigh; his body relaxed immediately. Humming contentedly, he nudged my nose with his.

“That’s much better my Sassenach”
___
Spicy aromas from the kitchen had us sniffing the air like bloodhounds. We ordered the banquet; a parade of delectable dishes soon delivered to our table accompanied by fancy Thai beers chosen for the colourful pictures on the labels. It was different to any first date I’d been on before; on one hand we already knew so much about each other; personal jokes and conversation flowing freely between us. On the other, the newness of being able to be so open with our affection had us giggling and grinning like idiots.

Jamie told me more about growing up in the Highlands, his face lighting up as he spoke of the farm; enthusiasm for his family’s land infectious. He’d lived in Glasgow for the last six years, but explained he considered Lallybroch his true home.

“The plan’s always been to move back eventually; when I have children I’d like them to grow up in the fresh air, with space to run around. The city’s fine but nothing beats the countryside; it makes everything seem less complicated somehow”

I nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. His description of the lush green hills made the place sound enchanting.

“It’s so beautiful there this time of year; we could take a trip up after Chelsea, if ye like?”

Fingers threading with mine, he pressed our palms together.

“I’d love to show it to ye… Or is that too much too soon?”

“Well that depends; you might want a break from me after being together 24-7 while we’re in London?’

“Impossible.”

“In that case I’d love to see the place that’s so important to you”

Emboldened by Jamie already making future plans for us, I gave him a coy smile and fed him a spoonful of green curry. He chuckled, low and deep in his chest then grasped the bottom of my chair; dragging it closer so that our legs touched fully. Not breaking eye contact, I tasted the curry myself, making a show of sweeping my tongue across my mouth. Jamie groaned softly and moved closer, face only inches from mine.

“Ye missed a spot”

Running his tongue over my bottom lip he paused for a heartbeat before sucking it into his mouth. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and sighed; it was all the encouragement either of us needed. As we kissed Jamie buried a hand in my hair and I stroked his neck; our darkened corner surrounded by plants becoming a secret garden for just us two.

“God you’re sexy” Jamie whispered, running a finger gently over my cheek.

“Not so bad yourself, Fraser”

A waitress arrived at our table, bringing a chicken noodle dish and another round of beers.

“Now ah…what was it we were talking about before ye distracted me with your feminine wiles?”

He smirked and I shoved him in the arm.

“You were telling me about Lallybroch”

“Aye that’s right; we’ll need a break after this week and I canna think of a better place and better person to be with for it”

“Flatterer. So do you visit there often?”

“Not nearly so much as I’d like. My Da still lives there of course…We haven’t gotten along so well these past few years though”

“He didn’t approve of you moving to Glasgow? Did he not want you to pursue landscaping?”

“No, he’s always been verra proud of my work. Something of a green thumb himself actually, although he’s more interested in his veggie garden. He’s chuffed with Jen too of course, ye shoulda seen his face when she announced she got into Law at uni - proud as a peacock with it’s tail fluffed out”

“Must have been quite the sight! I’m sure any parent would be thrilled to have such successful kids.”

Noting that Jamie hadn’t really answered my question, I cleared my throat, not wanting to let the subject drop yet.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, what caused your falling out?”

Jamie ran a hand awkwardly through his hair.

“Ah…see the thing is, he wasn’t…well to put it plainly, he didn’t approve of me marrying Ann. But that’s not something we need to talk about now”

“It’s ok Jamie; you don’t need to pretend you don’t have a past.”

“It’s our first date Sassenach; talking about my mistakes is hardly how I wanted to be spending our time together”

“Well maybe we should talk about it. We never really have before, it might help clear the air and we can both move forward. Together.”

“I…it’s just…”

Fist balled on the table, Jamie took a deep breath. Unfurling his hand, he placed it on my leg, squeezing gently.

“All right; what do ye wanna know?”

“Hmmm…ok, how old were you when you got married?”

“24”

“That’s uh…quite young”

Jamie smiled ruefully.

“Aye - too young and too naive to know what I was doing. Certainly didn’t take me long to regret it. My Da was furious”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Did he want you to wait til you were older to get married?”

“Actually, no. He and Mam married when they were just twenty; they eloped. When it came to me though…let’s just say he has fairly set view of how things should be and doesna always see things from others’ perspectives”

I bit my lip, thinking of how angry Brian Fraser had been when I’d met him at the hospital when Caitlin was born.

“How are things between you now?”

“A lot better, I stayed at Lallybroch these past weeks and it turned out to be a really good chance for us to reconnect.”

“Does he know you and Ann separated?”

“Aye. He understands why and…well it was no surprise to him when I told him how I felt about ye”

“He knows about me? …About us?”

“Of course; truth be told I can hardly shut up about ye sometimes”

“Oh? What did you tell him?”

“How whip smart ye are, always keeping me on my toes. How brave ye are, saving my life after that bee stung me. How beautiful ye are, the sight of ye imprinted on my brain like a brand.”

Leaning in close, his breath was hot on my neck. Kissing me just below my ear, his voice dropped to a husky whisper.

“I told him I dinna want to be with any lass but you”

Heat radiating off Jamie, the temptation to give in to the sensations his words provoked was overwhelming. But I couldn’t, not yet; I felt uncomfortable with what I was about to ask, but it needed to be said.

“Jamie…did your marriage end because of me?”

His large hand gently cupped my face.

“No Claire, I promise. My marriage to Ann was never going to last; meeting you just made me realise that I couldna go on the way I was. Please dinna be blaming yourself for any of that. The choices were mine alone and my consequences to manage. I canna say if I had my time over I’d do anything differently because irrespective of the poor decisions I’ve made, they set me on a path to meeting you and for that I’ll be forever grateful”

Smiling, he kissed me softly.

“Ye changed my life”
___
By dessert Jamie’s hand was underneath my dress, fingers flexing as he squeezed my thigh. Arm around his shoulders, I played with the curls at the back of his neck as we had a whispered conversation punctuated with kisses and flirtatious touches.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything”

I drew a fingertip across the front of his shirt, lazily drawing patterns.

“How long have you thought about something happening between us?”

“…a fair while”

“And uh…how far did those thoughts go?”

My tongue dragging along his jaw had him shivering with pleasure.

“If you’re asking me how long I’ve wanted to sleep with ye, the answer’s the same”

“I see…been contemplating it for quite some time have you?”

“Not only have I spent months thinking of it, I’ve imagined being with ye in all manner of positions and on all manner of surfaces. Should ye be willing…”

Voice thick, Jamie punctuated his words with hot open mouthed kisses on my throat. I’d wanted to sound indifferent, as though his words and hands weren’t making me burn up with desire, but as his lips traced my skin, the words vibrated through me, rendering me breathless. Light as a petal, his fingertips trailed a path up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“I canna keep ye from my mind. Whenever ye were near my hands would ache with wanting to touch ye”

His eyes darkened to almost black, I stared into them, flinging myself into the abyss.

“You can touch me now. Everywhere”

Cheeks flushed, he swallowed and rested his forehead against mine.

“And I want to touch you, Jamie”

Ever so slowly, I slid my hand up his inner thigh, coming to rest a hair’s breadth from his cock. Stock still for moment, he took a large gulp of air, like he’d momentarily forgotten to breathe. Inhaling the scent of him, I kissed Jamie’s chest just above the top button of his shirt.

“Let’s go back to the hotel”

Breathing heavily, he nodded.

“Can ye wait here a moment? I just need to make a quick phone call”

What required such urgent attention I had no idea, but within a couple of minutes he’d returned and we were in a cab heading back to the hotel. If our behaviour in the restaurant was considered indiscreet, the taxi was something else entirely. The second we got in, Jamie pulled me to him; strong arms encircling my waist as he sucked the soft skin of my neck.

“I canna wait to get ye naked mo nighean donn”

Intensely turned on by both his words and actions, I crushed my mouth to his; hungry and desperate. Our kissing continued unabated until we arrived. Breathless and swollen-lipped, we headed straight for the lifts, hands all over each other all the while.

A crowded elevator prevented us from resuming our lip-locked state; the pause allowing us to catch our breaths. By the time we’d reached the third floor a strange calm had descended and walking quietly along the corridor, Jamie took my hand, thumb rubbing reassuringly. In front of the room, we stood close while I fished the key from my bag.

“Ready?”

“Just a sec”

He tucked a curl behind my ear with a smile, then pulled something from his pocket. A toothbrush.

“Yep, all set” he grinned.

“You are ridiculous, I hope you know that”

“Aye, ridiculous and yours”

Both giggling, I swiped the key in the lock and with a beep unlocked both the door and the next stage of our relationship.

Chapter Text

Pushing open the hotel room door was in a way pushing past the last barrier between Jamie and me. For months we’d danced around one another; feelings simmering but always denied.  Until now.  Stepping inside, I reached automatically for the light, but before I’d had a chance to flick the switch an unexpected sight stopped me.  Dotted around the room were a dozen or more tea-candles, their bright flames illuminating the space and filling it with a warming glow.  Jamie’s mysterious phone call at the restaurant now made sense; the beautiful state of the room one more thing he’d done to make the night unique.  Opening my mouth to thank him, the words got caught in my throat; the level of effort he’d gone to was overwhelming.  I felt the heat of him standing behind me before he spoke.

“It isna too much, Sassenach?”

He placed a delicate kiss on the back of my neck.  So light it could've been mistaken for a gentle breeze, goosebumps sprung up and I trembled with want.  Turning around, I saw Jamie gazing at me apprehensively and couldn’t help but smile at his completely unfounded worry.

“It’s perfect.  I’ve never had anyone do something like this for me before”

His cheeks flushed, a mix of pride and desire.

“Claire…I want ye to know much how special ye are. There’s nothing I wouldna do to prove it to ye”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, soothing tension away with my thumbs.

“Tonight has been beyond anything I could have expected; you’ve made me feel like the most important person in the world”

“Well, ye always will be to me”

He pressed his mouth to mine - a soft kiss in perfect stillness even though I could feel his pulse hammering at this throat.  We kissed slowly and unhurriedly; locked away from the world there was no rush. With each breath our bodies moved closer; my hands twisting in the curls at Jamie’s nape, his palms sliding up and down my torso. Without any real idea of who was leading whom, we moved closer to the bed.

Relishing our kisses but decidedly ready for more I stepped back; Jamie immediately whimpering at the lost contact.  With a coy smile I turned away from him, looking over my shoulder with a brow raised in question. Flashing a grin, he moved forward enthusiastically and began to draw down the zipper on the back of my dress. His breath hitched as inch by inch my skin was revealed; eager fingers delving inside the material and brushing against my ribs.  The small touch alone made my knees weaken, heart thudding loudly in my chest.  Pressing kisses up the length of my spine, Jamie drew back the sides of the dress, letting it fall to the floor with an almost soundless whoosh.  Clad in nothing but my underwear I twirled around to recapture my handsome Scot’s lips; I was instead met with widened eyes, a dumbstruck expression across his face.

“Is…is that what ye’ve been wearing under yer work uniform all this time?”

I bit my bottom lip, pleased that the lingerie I’d purchased that afternoon hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“No” I giggled “but I had a feeling I might be getting lucky tonight so I wanted to come prepared”

Humming appreciatively, Jamie squeezed my waist; thumbs running slowly over my hipbones. 

“I’m the lucky one.  Ye look like a goddess, mo nighean donn”

Without breaking contact, his large palms moved from my hips, circling around to take a firm grasp of my rear.

“And fuck, ye’ve got a great arse” 

Voice husky and eyes glinting mischievously, Jamie affixed his lips to my throat.  Without thought I tilted my head, wanting his touch everywhere at once.  Pressing me close, I felt the hardness of him beneath his clothes, which sent heated desire pulsing between my legs. I shivered at the thought of Jamie inside me; stretched and full, my legs wrapped around his waist pulling him to me. 

“Jamie”

“Mmm?” 

Train of thought immediately lost, his hands and lips continued to roam across my body, seemingly in a quest to caress every part of me.

“Jamie!”

“Huh?”

I took his face between my palms, unable to keep my smile contained.

“You’re wearing entirely too many clothes”

So focussed on his previous task and eyes still filled with lust, he clearly hadn’t even noticed.  I captured his bottom lip between my teeth, tugging gently. 

“I want to see you.”

“I’d never deny ye anything my Sassenach”

Eyes meeting Jamie’s, I quirked a smile and began unbuttoning his shirt.  The pale blue cotton, so crisp at the beginning of our evening had softened from the warmth of his body, sliding off his shoulders like melted butter.   Other than when he’d been unconscious following the bee sting - hardly a fond memory for either of us - I’d never seen Jamie shirtless.  Now with time and permission to admire him properly, I found I couldn’t look away.  I ran my palms over his newly bared torso, delighting in the goosebumps that appeared in their wake.  Golden skin and delineated muscles radiated strength. 

My teeth gently closing on one of his nipples, it hardened immediately and Jamie huffed lightly, chest moving in shallow breaths.  My hands fanned out across his abdomen then moved to his belt, undoing the buckle and slowly pulling the leather through the loops. Once it was removed, his trousers and underwear soon followed.  Bare before me, I swallowed at the sight; he was majestic, rendering me not only lost for words, but unbelievably turned on.

Watching the sinews in his arms strain as he stood like a tightly coiled spring, I pressed a kiss over his heart.  Eyes closed and body unmoving, his whole focus was on on receiving my touch.  The effect I was having emboldening me, I took his cock in my hand, palm rubbing along its silky length.  With an unrestrained groan, Jamie’s eyes snapped open and bored into mine. 

“Claire”

His voice was a tight whisper, self-control teetering on the brink.

“God, I want ye”

“You have me”

Hand tangling in my hair, Jamie kissed me hungrily; a passionate release of the sexual-tension built up over the previous minutes.  Hot and intense; the sensation of his naked body pressed close making me mewl with need. Arms circling me protectively, Jamie lowered me onto the bed.  Settling himself between my thighs, my legs spread wide as his hips rolled into mine. Even the small amount of clothing I was wearing felt too much, I desperately wanted nothing between us.  As if divining my thoughts, Jamie reached and unclasped my bra; unhurried fingers cupped my breast, squeezing gently.  Dipping his head, his tongue circled my nipple then gently worried it with his teeth. The slowness of his movements was excruciating, the heat of his mouth heavenly. My body arched upward, seeking more.  Jamie chuckled softly.

“I’ve been waiting months for this, I intend to take my time”

Smiling, I ran my thumb over his bottom lip

“I see…And what about what I want?”

With a sly grin, his mouth returned to my nipple, sucking hard enough to make me gasp.

“I dinna intend to leave ye wanting”

Pulling back slightly, Jamie hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my underwear, pulling it down slowly.  At seeing me completely naked for the first time, the noise he made was somewhere between a groan and a growl with a definite hint of possessive admiration.  

“Christ, ye’re beautiful”

His large hand reached to knead my breast, the pressure he applied was like adding coal to an already blazing fire.  Kissing me deeply, Jamie’s hand travelled lower, gliding across my stomach before reaching between my legs.  My hips tipped toward him reflexively, my whole body moving towards his touch like flower stems bending to catch the afternoon sun. 

Slick with arousal, Jamie slid a long finger into me in one smooth motion.  Soon adding another, he began stroking gently, his rhythm coaxing moans from my throat like a snake charmer with their bamboo pipe.  Mouth having returned to my breast, he increased his tempo and started to rub the calloused pad of his thumb against my clit. 

Fuck!

My eyes screwed shut at the sensation; after wanting and wanting for so long desire crashed over me like a wave and I was helplessly pulled under.   

Humming against my collarbone, Jamie’s lips then travelled up my throat to suck at the soft skin of my neck.  My hips moving in tandem with his hand, his deep blue eyes were wide, looking down at me with slight awe, breathing becoming heavier.  Our lips were close, but not quite touching and he caught my moans in his mouth as though inhaling my very essence.  The intensity of his touch building, my breath quickened to short pants.  My body beginning to tighten around his thrusting fingers, Jamie drunk in every movement and sound I made. I should have felt exposed, instead it just turned me on more to see the obvious pleasure he got from watching me inch closer to my climax.  When he bent his fingers slightly, in an almost come hither motion it pushed me completely over the edge; crying out as my core clamped around him and my bones felt like they were dissolving. 

As I floated the haze of my orgasm, Jamie pressed kisses along my hairline.  My eyes fluttered open to see him staring at me, face awash with desire.  Feeling drunk on all the feelings that surged through me, but not yet capable of coherent speech, I raked a hand through Jamie’s hair, kissing him until we were both breathless. 

“A dhia Claire! Watchin’ ye come apart like that…I’ve never been so hard”

Gripping his shoulders I rolled him onto his back and straddled him.  The move, although clearly unexpected by Jamie, was enthusiastically received.  A giddy grin on his lips, broad hands spanned the width of my sides, pulling me close.

“I’ve fantasised about having ye like this ever since that day ye fell on me in the garden”

Voice deep, he almost purred the words.  My lips curved in a gratified smile.

“Me too”

Leaning forwards, I flicked my curls over my shoulder and kissed him; desire reaching boiling point as I sucked his tongue into my mouth.  With hands pressed to his muscular chest, I slid my hips forward and back a few times, my core rubbing delicately against Jamie’s length; he felt divine.  He tried to speak, but could only manage a few stuttered syllables before biting his bottom lip with a groan. Through slitted lids, he watched me drag my hands down his torso and take his cock in my palm.  Stroking up and down, then squeezing gently, I guided him inside me.  Jamie let out a whoosh of air, as though he’d just been punched in the chest and I shivered, almost overwhelmed at the feeling of him pressed so deep.

Candlelight danced on the walls, light catching the red of Jamie’s hair and making it gleam like gold. Lying beneath me, eyes the colour of a moonless sky, he’d never looked more beautiful. I began rolling my hips; slowly at first, the pace soon increasing as we both gave into our hunger for one another.  Hands at my hips, Jamie gripped tightly, urging my movement.  Far from abating after my own climax, I felt my desire for him growing; tensing my thighs I ground into him, the need to take him hard and fast increasing with every thrust of his hips. 

Our lips met in a series of messy kisses, interspersed with staccato breathing that bordered on a keening cry.  When Jamie’s thumb again began to rub across my clit I lost all sense of my surroundings. Throwing my head back, my vision went black as I felt an explosion of sensation beginning between my legs and radiating through every fibre.  Shocked by the intensity of it, I slumped forwards, blood pumping through me like molten lava.  Jamie’s thrusts lost their rhythm and his breathing slowed;  I could tell he was close. Burying my hands in his hair and pressing my mouth to his ear, I whispered his name seductively. The effect was instant.

“Oh fuck! Oh Claire!”

Strong muscles gripped me to him as he came hard, his cock pulsing deep inside me with his release. Jamie had a blissful smile on his face and I touched our foreheads together, his light breaths and my heartbeat the only sounds I was aware of.  He was still inside me as we kissed softly, both overtaken with feeling.

Jamie gently rolled us to our sides and I trailed fingertips across his firm jaw.  With complete reverence - especially in contrast to our previous intensity - he placed a tender kiss on my forehead. Looking deep into each other's eyes, words didn’t feel necessary, it was a moment of complete understanding.  

Like people, plants have their own circadian rhythms.  At the edge of darkness, some close their petals, others fold in their leaves; nyctinasty it’s called.  I was rather reminded of Jamie and me; candles flickering out, our limbs slowly closed around one another as we floated towards slumber.  The last sensation before I drifted under was the feel of Jamie’s lips pressing softly against my temple.  

I love you.

Chapter Text

The morning began with a burst of brilliant sunshine.  Coffees in hand, everyone was on site early, eager to continue work on our (hopefully) award-winning garden. With the standing stones in place, the next step was to bed down our first layer of green; an assemblage of native grasses, shrubs and - being a Scottish themed garden - heather.  As we were recreating the rugged and untamed Highlands, there was to be no neat rows and symmetry; however it wasn’t as simple as planting things wherever we liked.  If anything it was more complicated, as rather than being able to split off and take a small patch each, it all needed to be co-ordinated with military-like precision to ensure everything hung together.  Thankfully, one of Angus’ skills was making things look unordered (although whether this could be counted as a skill in all other aspects of his life was debatable) and he was soon barking out orders like a General preparing troops for the battlefield.

“You don’t have a problem with one of your employees ordering you about on your own design?” I asked Jamie with a quirked brow and a smile.

“If he thinks he’s in charge then he’ll work harder making sure everyone’s completing their jobs; one less thing for me to worry about.  Besides, it means I can focus on more important tasks…”

“Such as?”

“Staring at that lovely round arse of yours” he deadpanned (despite the corners of his mouth inching upwards).

“Speaking of which, I think ye must’ve sat in potting mix - there's dirt all over ye.  Here let me help”

Before I’d even had a chance look behind me he stepped close, large hands fondling my rear in a manner that clearly had nothing to do with brushing off any soil.

“Jamie!”

With a sly chuckle he pulled me behind the nearest standing stone and out of sight of the others.

“I canna be blamed Sassenach, it was right there in front of me looking so delectable and lush. I was powerless against it”

Hands returning to my arse, he began kneading gently and kissing my neck. I opened my mouth to protest, lest we be discovered by the boys, but all that came out was a moan.

I really shouldn’t have been surprised at my reaction to Jamie’s amorous attentions; not two hours earlier we’d been in a very similar position, albeit naked and in bed at the hotel. 

Arms wrapped around me from behind, Jamie radiated warmth as he nuzzled kisses into the curve of my neck.  I pressed my rear backwards, immediately eliciting a contented groan from him.  It was impossible to keep the grin from my face.

“Morning”

“Aye, ‘tis a great morning; waking up with the most gorgeous lass in the world in my arms”

“The world? Not sure about that!”

“Good point, I should conduct a thorough inspection to be sure”

Turning me around, he tugged the sheet downward until I was completely uncovered.  My nipples hardening at the sudden exposure, Jamie’s eyes darkened as they swept across my bare skin.  Assuming a serious expression as though he were about to preside over a Supreme Court trial, his hands followed the curves of my body, stroking and squeezing gently as he hummed contentedly.

“Just as I thought…”.

With a low whisper, his lips hovered close, nose nudging mine.

“The most gorgeous lass in the world”

He grinned as I laughed and pulled him in for a kiss, hands tangling in his russet waves. Our lips moved languidly, tongues caressing. Hitching my leg high upon his hip, Jamie circled his hand over my arse and began squeezing - as much to his satisfaction as mine.

“Ye know, there’s still half an hour before we need to get up”

“Whatever will we do with the time?”

“Well, I’ve a few ideas…”

Jamie moved over me, softly nipping at my neck.

“…and all of them involve ye being naked and in this bed.”

The purple-ish hue of the early morning sky bathed the room in a ethereal glow.  Our bodies came smoothly together, feeling like a natural extension of what we’d begun exploring the night before.   The way we responded to each other's touch had us constantly smiling - both from happiness and pleasure - I’d never experienced anything like it.

Braced on his forearms as we kissed, Jamie moved inside me; I pressed closer, arching up as my legs wrapped around his waist. Hips rolling together, he sunk deeper with each motion; my eyes screwing closed with the sensation of him filling me over and over.

“I can feel how close ye are mo nighean donn.  Ye body tightening around me…God, ye feel amazing” 

His words melted on my skin, causing waves of pleasure to cascade and flow through my body. It was exquisite.  Thrusting a few more times before reaching his own release, Jamie rested his head in the crook of my neck.  Holding each other close, we stayed there like that until the last possible minute before needing to get ready for the day ahead.

Back in the half-finished garden, Jamie’s hands were buried in my hair, tugging just hard enough to draw breathy sighs from me.  Pressed together, we kissed with abandon, the woody and mossy scent of the heather acting as an aphrodisiac to us both.  At length Jamie pulled back for air, resting his forehead against mine.

“Christ Sassenach, how am I supposed to make it ‘til the end of the day before I can get ye naked again?”

“You saw me naked for hours this morning, that wasn’t enough?” I smirked.

“Not even close, ye wee minx”

“Well we could have stayed in bed longer if your things had been in my room.  How about when we finish for the day you bring your bags up so we don’t have to go through this little routine for the rest of the week…?”

“Are ye asking me to move in with ye? Geez, this is all so sudden…”

“Oh shut up, you know what I meant!”

“Aye, I did.”  Smiling he traced his thumbs over my cheekbones  “And I’d like nothing better.  I don’t want to be apart from ye a minute more than I have to”

“You’d better rethink that plan, Romeo - Seargent Angus is on the case today and I doubt he plans to give you a moment’s respite.  All these years of giving him orders have finally come back to bite you in the arse!”

“Well if it was you doing the biting I dinna think I’d mind so much”

“That could be arranged…”

Jamie opened his mouth to respond when our banter was interrupted by Rupert yelling across the garden.

“Oi Claire! Ye still havena told us about yer big date last night! Dinna think we forgot!”

The topic of clear interest to the others, all three boys converged to where Jamie and I were standing (albeit further apart than we had been half a minute earlier).

“Aye, how was it? Please say it was a bust so ye can come out with us tonight an’ be wing woman” inquired Angus

Standing a little back from the others, the tips of Jamie’s ears pinked as he waited to hear my verdict on our date.  In truth I wanted to sing from the rooftops about just how great it’d been - but another part wanted to keep it as it was; a special moment just between Jamie and me.

“Well…it was nice”

“Nice? Isna that code for boring?” wondered Rupert.

“Nah, it wasna boring, look at the lassie - cheeks the colour of spring roses!  Ye must really like him, aye?”

“I do.  He um… well I don’t think I’ve felt this way about anyone before”

I looked over at Jamie; his soft smile telling me all I needed to know about how he felt about my declaration.  Angus was clearly not so content with my response.

“In that case, give us all the juicy details.  Did ye get ye leg over?”

“Och, lay off ye eejit!  That’s great ye met someone ye like so much Claire.  We’re really happy for ye”

“Thanks Willie”

“So when will we be meeting yer lad then?”

“I ah…well um…we haven’t really discussed it yet…”

“Perhaps he could come on Saturday, to see the finished garden?”

“Grand idea Willie; get him along Claire!” agreed Rupert.

I glanced over at Jamie to see him looking at me with hopeful eyes.

“Sassenach, if ye aren’a ready I…we…willna pressure ye”

The more time that passed since Jamie and I opened up about our feelings, the stronger the bond between us became. It was all still very new, but if things continued as they were, I reasoned telling the others at the end of the week might be perfect timing.  Jenny and Ian would also be in London and considering how close Jamie was to them, it seemed right that they should be part of our happy news.

“Well if you all promise to be nice, I think I can arrange a little meet-and-greet on Saturday. Just don’t make me regret it!”

“Excellent!”

“Got it, no belching contests” Rupert added with a wink.  

The others returning to their previous tasks, Jamie stepped close, placing a delicate kiss on the back of my hand.

“Are ye sure a nighean? Because we dinna need to say anything to this lot until the time is right”

I cupped his jaw with my palms and I kissed him, feeling a smile stretch across his face.

“I’m sure”

___

As much as I’d have liked the day to consist of more secret kisses behind the standing stones; it was instead pure hard graft. Angus, to his credit, kept up a relentless pace ensuring that no pair of hands was idle for more than a minute, with a new task assigned as soon as the previous one was completed.  Before lunchtime our first layer of green was down; a job we’d expected to take the whole day.  The afternoon saw Willie and I planting seedlings around the base of the stones while the others positioned rocks in a faerie circle formation. Throughout, the sun beat down; all of us getting covered in a layer of sweat and dirt, yet loving every minute of it.

Private communication between Jamie and I had consisted only of some lingering looks and it was just before six o’clock when we finally found ourselves out of earshot and sight of the others again.

“How ye holding up there Sassenach? Angus hasn't worked ye into an early grave yet?”

“I’m not the one you should be worrying about. I heard those grunts and groans while you were picking up those boulders; not as young as you used to be eh?”

“Is that you offering to ease my auld bones with a massage?”

“We’ll have to get you out of those filthy clothes first”

Flashing a devilish grin, Jamie’s arms encircled my waist as he drew me close.

“Will the masseuse be disrobing too?”

Smiling back, I ran my thumb over his lower lip.

“I suppose that could be arranged…”

Winding my arms around his neck, I pressed close for a kiss.  Our lips had barely touched when Angus’ voice rang out across the garden.

“Tools down everyone - time for the pub!”

With a groan of frustration, Jamie extricated himself from my embrace and we walked over to the others.

“Ye canna be serious?  We’re all fair knackered;  how about a quiet dinner and then off to bed?”

“No way Jamie, ye had an early one last night.  Plus I know Claire was shattered she couldna come out with us either - now that we’re all free it’s time for team bonding.  We’re heading out for drinks; nay arguments!”

I watched Jamie’s brow furrow as he tried to come up with a plausible excuse as to why both he and I couldn’t join the boys that evening.  He drew a blank and Angus clomped off to collect his things leaving Jamie gaping like a cod pulled from a stream. I couldn’t help but snigger at his obvious dissatisfaction with how his evening plans had changed.

“Ye think this is funny do ye? Have ye forgotten already what they were like on the train after a few pints?”

“Hmm good point, perhaps I’ll tell them I need to wash my hair tonight and leave you boys to it…”

“Dinna even think about it! If I have to watch Rupert clumsily try to chat up some poor unsuspecting lass, you’re coming too!”

“Perhaps you could give him some tips?” I assumed a thoughtful expression “…Although who says you’d be any better?”

Eyebrows raised in challenge and giving no regard to anyone seeing us, Jamie grabbed me in a bear hug from behind, peppering my neck with kisses.

“Ha! Worked on you just fine, Sassenach”

___

Back at the hotel and Angus had given everyone exactly twenty minutes to get ready.  The strict timeline barely left space for a shower, let alone for Jamie to bring his bags up to my room and continue what we’d both been desperate to resume since the morning. 

The day’s exertions scrubbed from my skin, I arrived downstairs to see Jamie standing alone in the lobby. I stopped a moment, savouring the experience of watching him.  Hair still damp and wearing a dark grey shirt, he looked breathtaking.  I felt the same giddy anticipation as I had before our date the night before; still finding it hard to believe he was mine.

“Hey there, handsome”

Jamie turned, beaming in a way that lit up his whole face.  Taking my hands, his kiss was brief but hungry.

“Are ye trying to make this night even more torturous than it already will be?”

“And how’ve I done that precisely?”

“Yer arse.  Those jeans.  How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands off ye?”

I smiled, blushing at the compliment. 

“That’s the second time today you’ve commented on my posterior”

“What can I say? Tis on my mind a lot”

He reached around and gave it a quick squeeze, earning a squeak and a giggle from me.

“You’ve seen me in these jeans plenty of times; they didn’t seem to be such an issue before?”

“Oh they were an issue Sassenach, I just didna tell ye about it”

Biting my bottom lip, I felt the heat rise in my chest; already counting down the minutes until Jamie and I could be alone again.

Our watering hole for the evening was a nearby pub; The Butcher’s Arms. True to Jamie’s prediction, two pints in and Rupert was leaning against the bar chatting to a short blonde woman.  She was laughing and flicking her hair over her shoulder a lot, so perhaps he was doing better than any of us expected.  With Willie and Angus occupied watching Rupert, it left Jamie and me largely to ourselves, suiting us just fine.  The small table everyone was huddled around allowed us to sit with our legs pressed together; a noisy crowded pub also meaning we needed to lean close when speaking. A definite advantage when saying things to one another we wouldn't have wanted others to overhear.

“I’d prefer to have you all to myself like last night, but this will have to do for now” 

I ran a discreet finger along Jamie’s jaw, enjoying the way my fingertip caught on the bronze stubble beginning to sprout.  He shuddered, as though hit by a gust of cold wind.

“Feeling a bit chilly?”

“Ye really have no idea what your touch does to me, do ye?”

I took a sip of my wine, raising my brows in question. Jamie’s next words were whispered in my ear, accompanied by lips brushing against my neck.

“You’re like a flame I canna keep away from; I’m aching for ye, Sassenach”

He pulled back, our faces only inches apart. I was vaguely aware of Angus yelling something across to the bar but couldn’t tear my gaze from Jamie’s mouth.  The cosy pub all at once felt stiflingly hot, my skin desperate for the feel of work-calloused hands sweeping down the lines of my body.

Safely concealed by the tabletop, Jamie’s hand roamed my thigh, pausing only for our fingers to intertwine, thumb tracing circles on my palm.  Glowing from the contact, I hoped anyone who noticed would attribute it to the red wine and not the Scot by my side whom I was so smitten with.

“How about another round?”

I felt his eyes on me the entire time I was at the bar.  Returning to our table, Jamie wound his arm around my waist, nestling me closer.  The intoxicating scent that was purely him wafted from his open-necked shirt and I wondered how much longer I’d be able to last before abandoning discretion and fusing our mouths in front of everyone.  Mercifully, Rupert reappeared soon after, announcing the bartender had cut him off.

“I told him that if we were in Scotland I wouldna count as drunk and the prick said he dinna care! Can ye imagine - callin’ me piss’sht after only six pints?!”. 

Rupert held up eight fingers, not lending any credence to his protestations of sobriety. 

“Aye, that’s a damn shame…Oh well, best call it a night - let’s go everyone!”

Jamie grabbed my wrist and yanked me up, his usually gentle demeanour replaced with a desperation that was an incredible turn-on.  As we left the pub, were it just the two of us I had a feeling Jamie would’ve thrown me over his shoulder and taken off at a run, but with three slightly worse-for-wear Scots to chaperone, he was forced to settle for a brisk walk.

Arriving at the hotel, we piled into the lift; with five of us it was a tight fit.  Jamie was wedged rather awkwardly in the corner and I stood in front of him;  in complete indifference to our companions, he rested his hands on my hips, not-so-subtly pulling me towards him.  I pressed back, enjoying the warmth of his muscular torso and the response I was creating further down.  Unseen by the others, Jamie’s thumbs moved under the hem of my shirt, rubbing across my lower back and making me feel like I was about to combust.  

On the first floor Rupert got out, but I was more interested in the delicious feeling of Jamie’s hot breath on my neck.  So absorbed with each other, when we reached the second floor neither of us gave any indication of moving.  The lift remained where it was, a loud pinging sounding when the doors didn’t close.

“Hello? Earth to Jamie!”

“Huh?”

“It’s our floor mate, are ye getting out or just gonna stay boxed in the corner all night?”

Focussed only on surviving the minutes until we could tear each other's clothes off, Jamie and I had quite forgotten that he wouldn’t be coming directly to my room.

“Aye…um I…yeah of course”

Willie got out of the lift and Jamie squeezed passed me, pausing just long enough for me to whisper in his ear.

“Don't keep me waiting long, Fraser”

The doors slid shut, the last thing I heard was Willie asking:

“Are ye cold Jamie? Why are ye shivering?”

Chapter Text

Desire pulsing through my veins and emboldened by red wine, my plan was to open the hotel room door clad only in my underwear.  Ever since Jamie’s hands had roamed across my naked form that morning, I’d wanted nothing more than to return to the secluded sanctuary of my (soon to be our) room and pick up where we’d left off.  

Has it really only been two days since our first kiss on the train?

Already I couldn’t get enough of Jamie; his kisses, his smiles, the feeling of utter completeness when he was inside me.  Yes, things had moved quickly, but right down to my marrow I knew it was right.

Not wanting any more interruptions, when I entered the room I placed the Do Not Disturb sign on the door handle then began shedding my clothes.  I had no idea how quickly Jamie would gather his things, but I hoped it wouldn't be too long.  Down to my bra and pants, I took stock in the mirror, casting an eye over my lily white skin and chestnut curls; now ruffled and springing in all directions. I certainly wasn’t the type to normally greet someone in such a manner, but Jamie made me feel sexy and desired, unlocking a body-confidence in me that I'd only seen glimpses of previously. It was electrifying.

A moment later came a soft knock at the door.  Flinging it open, I stuck out my chest, putting a hand on my hip in my best attempt at sultry.

“Like what you see?”

Silence.  

An awkward cough. 

Then: 

“Did you need an extra bathrobe?”

Somehow in my eye-fluttering, lust-filled posturing I’d completely missed that it wasn’t Jamie standing at the door.  Instead it was a lad from housekeeping; eyes the size of saucers, firmly fixed on my barely-covered breasts.

Oh god, kill me now.

Like a mouse who’d just had their hiding place uncovered by a hungry cat I squeaked in distress, frantically covering my chest with both hands.

“The sign on your door ma’m? It says ‘Please Make Up My Room’. Shall I come in?”

Shit. Bollocks. Fuck.

“NoI’mfinethankyougoodnight!”  

Heart running a mile a minute I slammed the door in the confused boy’s face. 

Mortified didn’t even begin to cover it.  A deep blush overtook my whole body, cheeks radiating heat.  Not wanting to take any more chances, I scrambled through the room, flinging open cupboard doors until I located a fluffy white hotel robe.  Wrapping myself up like a Egyptian Mummy, I pulled the cord at my waist extra tight; a second later, another knock on the door.

Jesus, didn’t the guy know how to take a hint?

“I don’t need any more bathrobes!” I shrilly yelled through the door.

“I dinna have any bathrobes. …Should I?’

Chain still on the door I opened it a crack to see two confused blue eyes staring at me.

“Claire?”

“Oh thank god it’s you!”

“Did something happen a nighean? Are ye all right?”

I let Jamie into the room, quickly explaining my semi-naked faux-pas. His concern morphed into amusement, lips pursed as he tried to suppress a grin.

“Oh you find my embarrassment funny do you? How am I supposed to show my face around the hotel again? I’ll be known as the desperate woman from room 53 who indecently propositions staff!”

“Trust me Sassenach, that won’t be what the lad is thinking. And while I’d hate for ye to feel awkward, I think we should be focussing on the real issue here”

“Which is?”

“Me missing out on being met at the door by a lace-clad temptress of course!”

“Jamie!”

Saying nothing further he picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder, causing me to squeal in surprise.  As though I weighted no more than a handful of daisies, he carried me over to the bed, depositing me on the mattress with a playful grin.

“Now, let me see what I can do to take ye mind off the last ten minutes”

Looming over me, his darkened eyes were full of lust as he tugged open my robe.

“My god; just the sight of ye Sassenach...my complete fantasy come to life”

Warm body pressing close, his kiss was deep and full of want.  Humming softly, Jamie traced my jaw with his nose while my fingertips swirled across his temples.  A line of kisses down my chest turned to fervent sucking at a nipple through the lace of my bra; his groans competing with my breathy sighs.  Eyes screwed shut, tremors rippled through me as Jamie’s tongue continued it’s journey, winding a path down my stomach. Lips never leaving my skin, his thumbs hooked under the waistband of my underwear, dragging it down before his palms spread my thighs wide.  Jamie was still fully dressed and under normal circumstances it would’ve left me feeling a bit vulnerable, but letting my guard down around him felt so instinctive it didn’t occur to me to question it.  Jamie’s lips were joined by his tongue and fingers as my hands raked across his scalp.  A series of garbled words, hips beginning to roll of their own volition; my mind was blank, free of anything but my desire for him and the fervid response he was creating.

Intensity building, I tugged sharply on Jamie’s hair when I came; crying out as heat rushed through me.  It was as if my body had closed off all external sensations; I felt nothing but my pulse, a heavy thudding in my chest and between my legs, where Jamie now rested.

“All these months I could think of nothing but having ye in my bed.  Ye inflamed my imagination, running naked through my dreams”

“There’s no way I can respond to something so poetic right now”

Jamie chuckled as my head flopped back onto the pillow.

“Although I will say, you’re wearing entirely too many clothes for what I want to do to you”

“Aye?”

Removing what little clothes I still wore, I propped up on my knees on the bed.  Setting a land-speed record, Jamie shed his own clothes and I bit my lip watching him trying - and failing - to contain his eagerness.

“So ah...what did ye have in mind?”

“Well a little of this...”  Sucking on the golden skin of his neck, broad hands enveloped my waist, pulling me closer.

“Some of this...” Fingertips finding his nipples, I squeezed them into hardness, Jamie’s breathing becoming strained when I rubbed the pads of my thumbs over the hardened peaks.

“And plenty of this...” Wrapping a hand around his cock, my palm glided over his velvet skin. With each stroke I moved slightly faster, revelling in Jamie becoming impossibly harder as his head lolled backwards.

“It was torture trying to keep my hands off ye today, but the...” - A groan before he continued - “But the feel of yer wee hands on me now...I dinna want ye to ever stop”

“Then I won’t”

Leaning back, I brought Jamie with me, wrapping my legs around his waist.  The effect of us both naked and skin to skin was like throwing a box full of matches into the fire.  Our mouths fused in a kiss, as much out of desperation as desire.  Roughened hands skimmed my sides then gripped my hips.  Like a boa-constrictor, I tightened my limbs around him; feeling as much as hearing Jamie’s blissful groan as his hardened length pressed against my core. Our foreheads were pressed together when he entered me, the pace quickly gathering as each thrust pushed us closer to oblivion. My body felt like it was splintering when I came, clenching around my muscular Scot as he finished soon after; eyes screwed shut to prolong the sensation. 

“That was...”

“Yeah it was”

Like a felled pine tree, Jamie fell unceremoniously to his side, a giddy grin of exertion across his face.  We were silent a few moments, smiling at each other as I brushed the sweat-dampened waves off his face.

“Can I ask ye something?”

“Of course”

“This morning when the lads were asking about our date ye said ye’d never felt this way before…did ye mean it?”

I loved him, of that I was certain, but did those feelings run as deep for him, too?

“Yes, I did mean it.”

He nestled closer, the warmth of his skin adding to the intimacy of the moment. 

“I want ye to know, I feel the same. No one’s ever made me as happy you have. There could never be anyone else like ye”

Even in the dim light of the room, his eyes shon with sincerity.

“I’m so glad we found each other, Jamie”

Large hands cupped my face as he gently kissed my forehead, then lips.

“Me too, mo nighean donn”

___

Our fourth day at Chelsea and the place had been transformed. The Grand Pavilion; nothing more than a metal frame and canvas walls when we arrived was practically bursting at the seems with all kinds of stalls, plants and excited competitors.  Walking amongst the colourful blooms, I made a very overdue phone call to Joe.

“So the date went well then?”

“It was perfect. The car ride, the restaurant, what came after the restaurant...”. 

I blushed even though I was standing well away from anyone else.

”I can’t help smiling when I’m around him Joe, I’m pretty sure he’s the one”

“Whoa - that is a big development! One date and you’re that certain?”

“Well two dates if you can count the pub last night with the boys - and yes, I think I am”

“So has he said ‘I love you’ yet?”

“Well no, but it doesn’t always have to be said with words. It’s actions too. And it really feels like love.  I know it sounds mushy, but sleeping together just felt like a physical expression of all that we mean to each other. I can see it in his eyes, feel it in the way he holds me, in the way we laugh together”

“Who are you and what have you done with my cynical best friend?”

I laughed, breathing in the scent of some bright pink azaleas I was waking past.

“So what does the rest of Clan Fraser think of all this?”

“Well I’m not sure he’s told them yet.  His family are coming to the show this weekend though, we’re going to tell everyone about us then”

“And who’s idea was that?”

“Mine; I’m sure Jamie would’ve told the boys the first chance he got if I’d let him!”