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Christine didn’t let Brooke kiss her at first because she was afraid of what would follow, but once they both agreed to it in their deal they couldn’t stop. She felt everything she wanted and didn’t want to feel in those kisses, from the little ones at the door to the drawn out ones that started on her lips but would work their way down her face. Or the ones that she would leave on her neck while unhooking the clasps on her bra, or the ones that would go further down.
The passion she felt in any of these kisses made her sweat. Brooke’s kisses were always sweet and forgiving, and though she knew exactly why she didn’t want them before, she was glad they were hers now. Even if they were also Jeremy’s or Jake’s, or whoever else she was kissing at the moment’s, too. It was fine. She was fine with it. Though she shook as Brooke motioned for her to slip her shorts off, not knowing why she began to feel nervous all a sudden.
Brooke’s timing was always predictable: She understood that when Brooke gave her that look, tonight was gonna lead to something. She knew a shift to a deeper kiss would lead to her hand running under the hem of her shirt. Christine liked this predictability, and having an idea of what would come next. But she couldn’t shake the off putting senses that stayed. Everything was the same. But it didn’t feel like everything was the same. But it's not a great time for feelings when she teases the edge of her underwear, one of the only things left on her body.
“Brooke,” Christine muffled out, pushing back on her shoulder. Brooke continued by pushing a couple fingers under the waistband of the fabric.
No reply.
“Brooke, stop.” Her words rushed out, and she didn’t want to have to say them again. She didn’t want to have to tell her to stop, as she would have been fine where it was going, but she wasn’t at all at the same time. Christine pressed a little more on her shoulder.
No reply.
“Brooke, I’m serious,” Christine said louder and with a more serious tone, actually pushing her up off her with force. “Just stop! Please.”
“Sorry I just thought,” Brooke wavered in her words, thrown off by what happened. “I got too into it, I thought it was gonna be okay.” Christine didn’t really feel okay. She felt like she was gonna cry. She was crying. “Christine?”
“Sorry um.” She promptly wiped her eyes of the salty tears before she placed herself back into her previous position. “Can we just like, go back to what we were doing?”
“Chris, you’re still crying.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Brooke paused, not returning to the old position they were in, but just next to Christine, making sure not to touch her as she wasn’t sure if that would make her upset. “Were you just not enjoying it? Or was it something else? I wanna make sure you’re, like, okay, you’ve kinda felt off all night.”
“I was enjoying it!” Christine laughed a moment before remembering her situation at hand. “That’s the problem I mean, I,”
“Huh?” Brooke gave an innocent stare filled with confusion. “Why would that be a problem? Isn’t that like the whole point of this whole thing we have going on? To enjoy ourselves?”
“I think I like someone.”
“Oh. Okay.” Brooke stared at Christine’s flustered facade. “Do I like, know them at all? Oh my god, it’s not Chloe is it?”
“Oh god, no. No, I don’t wanna think about that.” Christine shifted before remembering the only things covering her were her bra and underwear, reacting by quickly reaching for one of her purple throw blankets. She covered her bare chest that she didn’t even realize was littered with marks from the beginning of their day together. “But it just makes me feel so terrible. And I know I was the one to start this and I was the one to say we shouldn’t bring our feelings to this but I just can’t help it.”
“Christine, it’s okay, I mean, like I’ll miss this and I have a lot of fun with you but I like if you’re trying to date this girl,” Brooke seemed off set, sighing. “Then I respect that. But it’s not like this is cheating on her either, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”
“I just feel guilty cause like, I like you! I like you a whole lot, and it’s stupid and I don’t wanna slut shame either of us but like,”
“Hm?”
“Whenever we do like,” Christine sighed, continuing with some ambiguous hand gestures. “Stuff like that, it breaks my heart cause I wanna do all this coupley stuff with you like steal your sweatshirt cause the one time I wore it when your room was cold it smelled so nice, and um,”
“What else?” Brooke replied, focused on her words with intent. She pushed her dyed blonde hair behind her ears, leaning forward. It made Christine feel like she was falling all over again.
“I wish I could be the only one allowed to kiss your pretty little face. It kills me when I see one of the boys flirting with you in the halls, and I know Jeremy is like my best friend but it like, it makes me wanna punch him sometimes! But like,”
“But what about it?”
“But we both just wanted, uhm, what we wanted and we both got that, and that's enough.”
“But what if I like,” Brooke moved a little closer to Christine. “Want more?”
“Brooke, now is not the time to be horny!” Christine hopped off the bed, still wrapped up in her blanket, beginning to pace around her bedroom. “I’m sensitive! This was a stupid, stupid, stupid idea and I feel like I used you like, you don’t even like girls and we both know you were just here for one thing, cause we both were! And me being dramatic is stupid ‘cause it’s not like I can just expect you to like me back because of the stuff we had going on! And I think that,”
“Chris, that’s not what I meant,”
She stopped briefly in her paces to listen. “Then what did you mean?”
“I meant that I want more, like in the same way you want more?”
“But you’re straight, like you’re just here to get off,”
“Chris,” She hopped off the bed to stop her from her pacing again. Brooke carefully placed her hands on her shoulders, testing to see if the touch it was okay on her end. “I have had my hands inside of you. You have literally sat on my face because I wanted you to.” Brooke kissed her lightly in a way that didn’t have undertones as it did before. “I literally just kissed you out of my own free will. That is lesbian behavior and the both of us know it.”
“But, you probably wouldn’t want it anyway, I mean like you’re Brooke Lohst who’s always been cool and has cool friends and a cool face… And you probably wanna date someone cool or hotter at least and someone who doesn’t act stupid like this all the time.” Christine rushed her words out quickly, clenching her hands onto her waist, letting her head fall to her chest.
“Look, I’m maybe I’m not gay all the way, but I’m like mostly gay. For you, I mean. Cause you’re really cool. And hot, if you wanted to know. Does that make sense?”
Christine kind of pulled them both back onto the bed to just lay down, as the whole situation was making her heart beat too fast and her head too heavy. She opened up her blanket for Brooke to get under it as well and they both shifted into a spooning situation, Brooke being big spoon as usual because of the staggering difference between their heights. Though 5’3 is still pretty short, it’s a whole lot taller than being 4’10.
“So like,” Brooke listened to Christine talk as she continued running her hands through her hair, playing with it. “What would a girlfriend situation entail? You know, differing to our past one. ”
“Mm,” She let her hands leave her hair, wrapping around and squeezing her girlfriend’s waist, letting some giggles fall out. “It sure is something to think about, I guess."