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Chapter Text

The thing was, Remus liked Marlene McKinnon. He really did. She was smart, vivacious and kind. She was good for Sirius: she didn't hero-worship him, or hold him in awe, as many girls, especially in the younger years, tended to do. But nor did she regard him as stupid and immature, as the rest tended to do, which, well, Sirius was immature, Remus admitted. But though he did sometimes act stupid, he wasn’t. He was impulsive, and reckless, and that could come across as stupidity, and okay, sometimes amount to the same thing, or at least create the same results. But he wasn’t stupid, not in the way people thought he was. The point was that Remus thought Marlene was good for Sirius. Certainly compared to some of his past girlfriends.

She gave as good as she got, and kept Sirius on his toes. She made him laugh, and Sirius had taken to bouncing ideas off her for some of their pranks- and she had returned with some brilliant, and frankly terrifying, ideas. Remus enjoyed spending time with her in the Common Room, collaborating on Runes homework usually, and she, in her own way, fitted seamlessly into their little group as a honourary sometimes member, without any of the awkwardness that usually occurred when anyone tried to include a significant other.

So, yes, Remus liked Marlene. But at the same time, a part of him hated her with a fierce passion that surprised himself. Remus was not generally someone who hated people, it was not in his nature, and the feeling made him uncomfortable. But watching Sirius lean over the back of her chair in the Common Room, smiling down at her, as she poked fun at him, made him feel as itchy as if the moon was approaching the horizon, instead of two weeks away.

He thought he’d got over being jealous of Sirius’ relationships, in 5th year, when Sirius had been working his way steadily through most of Hogwarts’ student population above 4th year, and he’d had to build up an immunity and thick skin out of sheer self-defence.
He also thought he’d managed to put his stupid crush behind him in 6th year. Apparently he’d been wrong on both counts. He breathed out and tried to relax the death-grip he had on his Potions textbook, which briefly tightened again as familiar laughter floated over from the other corner. He’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t be that friend, the one who ruined their friendship because they couldn’t control their jealousy, or disregarded the importance of what they had, only focusing on what they didn’t have.

He liked Marlene McKinnon, he really did. But sometimes, he also kind of hated her.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remus glanced up as Sirius collapsed onto the bed beside him. He carefully tugged to extract a few wrinkled pieces of paper from underneath him, and then gave the rest up as a lost cause. Moving his textbook closer to him he waited, prepared to continue working for as long as Sirius would allow him to.

“Moooony.”

Not long then. Remus felt a reluctant smile tug at the edges of his mouth despite himself, and his desire to finish his essay today.

“Sirius.” He replied, not looking up from the diagram of dittany he was making notes from.

“Moony, I’m bored.” Sirius whined, shuffling closer and causing a collection of scrolls to tumble off the bed.

“Half the castle just ran for cover.”

“Ha. Ha. Prongs is at a Head meeting, and Wormtail’s at study group, so it falls to you to entertain me. You don’t want the consequences on your conscience. Remember what happened last time.” He warned darkly. Remus got up from the bed and started retrieving scrolls, resignedly.

“No. However, I also don’t want the consequences of not finishing this essay on time. Can you limit the destruction of property, and terrorisation of the masses until, say 9 pm?”

“It goes against my principles to limit the destruction of property, you know that, Moony.”

Remus sighed, and started to fish for a rogue scroll under the bed.

“What about Marlene? Can’t she entertain you for a few hours?”

He stretched his fingers out in an attempt to snag the edge of the parchment, then squeezed his shoulders under the bedframe to gain an extra half-inch.

“webrokeup.”

Remus blinked. The bedframe was digging into his shoulder and starting to cut off his circulation, but he almost had it.

“You what?” he asked, distracted. The bed springs squeaked dangerously close to his head, as Sirius shifted. Remus managed to clasp the very end of the scroll with the very tips of his two middle fingers and started trying to inch it carefully towards himself.

“I said, we broke up.”

“Oh.” The scroll’s edges slipped from his fingers again, but he abandoned it and started to make his way out from under the bed. His stomach swirled with a mixture of guilty joy and sincere worry.

“Yeah.” A squeaking of springs indicated, to Remus’ best guess, that Sirius had fallen backwards onto the bed. Remus managed to extract himself from the bedframe and make his way to collapse on the bed beside Sirius. Together they gazed up at the canopy in silence for a while.

“I’m sorry.” Remus managed, “I- thought you were good together.” He winced at his feeble attempt at a platitude.

“So did I.” Sirius fiddled with the bedspread absently. He sighed suddenly, “But.”

Remus turned his head to face Sirius, who was still looking steadily up. “But?” he prompted.

Sirius chewed his bottom lip, and Remus had to divert his gaze away.

“But I don’t feel as… sad as I feel I should. I mean, we were good together, we had lots of fun, the sex was great-”

“Didn't really need to know that.”

“You know I like making you squirm.” Sirius reached over and prodded him gleefully, temporarily regaining his normal cheerful spirit.

“I do know.” Remus sighed resignedly. “You’d think that after six years, you’d have got over it by now.”

“Aw, but you’re so cute when you blush.”

Remus felt the red on his cheeks heat up even more and thanked Merlin he had already been blushing. Despite the frequency with which Sirius, and James and Peter who occasionally joined in as well, enjoyed making him blush, he had not managed to build up any sort of immunity over the years. He quickly brought their conversation back to the original subject.

“So, you’re not as sad about breaking up with her as you would have expected?”

Sirius lay back down, “No, I’m not. And, I mean, you know in 5th year, I dated and broke up a lot.”

Remus snorted, “Loose terms.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Fine, so, I hooked up a lot in 5th year, and had a lot of casual relationships. I didn't care then when I broke up, but I didn’t care for any of those girls. I cared for Marlene, so why aren’t I more upset?”

Remus could almost feel his heart clench at the sincerity in Sirius’ voice. He sounded both downcast and confused. He rolled over onto his side to face Sirius, who copied his movement.

“You and her are still on good terms? You parted amicably?”

“I guess. She said she still wanted to be my friend.” Sirius looked a little confused by this notion.

“So it sounds like the relationship was just coming to an end naturally. Maybe you don’t feel as sad as you expected because this was a natural end. And you haven't lost her. She’s still your friend. Our friend,” he corrected himself, “I hope she is still our friend. That idea she had about planting fake trick fruit in the fruit bowls in the Great Hall,” he shuddered, “I wouldn’t want her pissed at us.”

He was trying to get Sirius to smile again, and he succeeded.

“McGonagall’s face was priceless, wasn’t it?”

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. You're the best, you know that?”

“Naturally.” Remus tried to play it off, but didn’t think he quite succeeded. “Can I finish my essay in peace now, or is the destruction of property still imminent?”

Sirius rolled back over onto his back, and gestured magnanimously, “You may.”

“Thanks,” Remus replied dryly.

But he found himself unable to concentrate with Sirius a warm weight by his side.

Chapter Text

Marlene McKinnon sits down with a thump beside Remus on the battered couch in the distant corner of the Gryffindor Common Room he’s secluded himself in, as far from the noisy party currently going on as he can manage to be.

“What’s up, Lupin?” She’s relaxed, sprawled out on the couch in a way that’s reminiscent of Sirius, “Why aren’t you joining the party?”

Remus doesn’t look up from where he is translating a section of runes.

“This is due tomorrow,” he murmurs distractedly, then briefly flashes her a tired smile once he’s reached the end of a sentence, “Besides, it’s not really my scene.”

Marlene rolls her eyes at him, “That’s never stopped you before. Normally, you’re up there with your fellow Marauders, even if you’re not actively participating.”

“The noisiness of this particular evening doesn’t particularly lend itself to translating Ancient Runes. But I’m here, aren’t I? Not upstairs, hiding away.”

“Yes, I saw Sirius and James drag you down earlier,” she laughs, but not unkindly.

Remus reaches the end of a paragraph, and decides to lay down his quill, sensing she’s not going to leave him be at this time.

“Marlene, I was sorry to hear of you and Sirius’ break-up,” it was the first opportunity he’d had to say so since it happened, “I can assure you that I, and the rest of the Marauders, hold no animosity towards you for it, and would very much like to continue our acquaintance.”

She laughs at his formality, but smiles genuinely at him.

“Ta, Remus. We’re all good. But I’m glad to hear that.”

They were interrupted then by Sirius himself, plonking down next to Remus, and eyeing up Marlene playfully. “Now, Marley, you can't steal Remus in the divorce. I had him first.” He winks at Remus.

Remus rolls his eyes, and was faintly amused to see Marlene doing the same.

“Leave off, Sirius. Remus here is his own man. He doesn’t need you slobbering all over him.” She jokes, leaning forward to poke at Sirius across Remus. Remus wills his face to stay fixed in the expression of mild forbearance it usually gains in Sirius’ presence.

Sirius affects a distressed dramatic pose worthy of a spurned lover in a Harlequin romance in response.

“But, Moony, I thought we had something special! I brought you home to James and everything! Oh, my heart, it will never recover from this slight. You!”

He points dramatically at Marlene, “You have stolen him from me; I will be revenged. We shall meet at dawn and cross wands to duel for Remus’ fair hand.”

Remus sinks further into the cushions of the sagging couch in mortification and resignation. He should really be used to Sirius’ dramatics after nearly 7 years of friendship, he thinks.

Marlene scoffs. “At dawn? Fat chance you have of getting up at that time, you lazy lummox.”

Sirius was forced to concede the point, but the ridiculousness would no doubt have continued for yet some time, if James had not yelled for Sirius to come back and help him with the new lot of food he had just brought up from the kitchens.

“This is not over, wicked temptress! Remus, come away with me. I shall serve you a feast the likes of which you will not have seen before.”

Remus shakes his head, “I’ve still all this to do before tomorrow. You have fun, Sirius.”

“Oh, Moony, you know it’s no fun without you. I’ll bring you some nosh, yeah? Don’t work too hard now.”

Sirius leans forward and places a kiss on his cheek playfully, before mock glaring at Marlene as he returns to the heart of the party. Remus blinks. Then picks up his quill, and futilely tries to find something to do with it.

“Oh.” Marlene suddenly says, realisation dawning in her voice and face. Remus winces internally. “Oh, it’s that way, isn't it?” There’s sympathy in her voice that irritates him.

“Marlene,” he says warningly, but fears she hears the confirmation in his voice.

“Okay, okay.” She leaves it be for the rest of the night, and instead, to his great relief, settles down to assist him with his Runes translation.

“You know, I’ve been thinking.” Marlene says, once again plopping herself down next to him as he sits on the Quidditch Bleachers during Gryffindor practise, working on his Transfiguration essay. He sighs internally, and wonders if he will ever get to do his homework without constant interruption.

“Yes?” he doesn’t look up, in an attempt to discourage her. Since the party he’s somewhat uncomfortable around her, feeling a little pried open and vulnerable.

“Look, why don’t you go for it?”

“Go for what?” Surely she can’t mean what he thinks she means.

“For Sirius. You know he would never judge you, even if he doesn’t swing that way himself. Gideon and he are friends, after all.”

Gideon Prewett has been going steady since 5th year with his Ravenclaw boyfriend, who often joins them at the Gryffindor table for meals.

“Judgement isn’t the problem.”

No, Sirius won’t judge, Remus knows that. He hasn’t come out per say to the Marauders, or the school as a whole, not from fear, but rather because, in the case of the school, he’d rather people didn't know his private business, thank you very much. In the case of the Marauders it never seemed relevant early on, and honestly, he rather fears their matchmaking attempts. Then his crush on Sirius further complicated the matter.

But coming out to Sirius has never been the problem. Confessing his embarrassing crush on Sirius is the problem. It would change things irrevocably; change their friendship beyond repair.

“I don’t want to change our friendship,” He settles for saying.

“Not even for the chance you could change it to a relationship?” Marlene asks.

Remus just wants to do his homework in peace for once, is that too much to ask? But Marlene’s words have ignited something long lost in him-hope, a bright splash that he can’t seem to quash again, no matter how hard he tries.

Sirius is not helping-he’s spending more and more time with Remus, and alone too, without the buffer of the other Marauders. James can’t be parted from Lily-now she’s finally deemed his presence acceptable- and Peter’s busy alternatively taking extra lessons for his N.E.W.T.s and wooing a Hufflepuff 6th Year. That leaves Sirius and Remus alone together for most of their free time, which is hardly conducive to Remus’ focus on his homework.

How is he supposed to study Advanced Theory of Transfiguration with Sirius sprawled out nearby? Is it any wonder his thoughts keep wandering from memorising the key dates of the Goblin Rebellions and instead he finds himself memorising the slope of Sirius’ eyebrows, the shape of the mole by his left ear, and other such trifles?

Even when Sirius is not there, he can’t seem to concentrate. Sneaking away to a deserted tower he often uses if he wants to be alone proves to be equally unhelpful.

“Have you been avoiding me, Moony?”

Sirius has tracked him down, and sounds faintly dejected, and when Remus looks up from his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook, he does indeed look fairly mopey. The ball of light Remus conquered to see his homework by hangs above them, illuminating Sirius and outlining him in a warm yellow glow.

“No,” Remus tries. He winces, and looks away, “I just have a lot of homework to do.”

Sirius sits down next to him, his fingers just brushing Remus’ as they rest on the stone floor, and Remus holds back a shiver.

“Is everything okay, Remus? I know N.E.W.T.s are stressful, and you take stressing to an art form sometimes, but you’re doing okay in class, aren’t you? You’ve got nothing to worry about, you.” He nudges Remus with his shoulder comfortingly.

“I- Yes, but I just need to concentrate on all this homework.” Remus prevaricates, wishing Sirius would just leave him alone, would drop the subject.

“Moony. I’m worried about you. You're drawing away, like in 3rd year, just before we found out. What’s wrong?” Sirius persists.

“Nothing, Sirius.”

“Come on, you can tell me. You can tell me anything. What’s wrong?”

And, suddenly, unexpectedly, Remus finds himself at the end of his tether.

“Nothing’s wrong, except people won’t leave me alone WHEN I’M TRYING TO GET MY HOMEWORK DONE!” his voice rising and rising, until he is shouting by the end.

A stunned, ringing silence remains, until Sirius finally stands up stiffly, and moves to leave.

“I’ll go.”

Remus clutches his textbook like a lifeline, white-knuckled, and thinks now or never. He can't continue like this, in a distracted fugue, in an uncertain limbo. Marlene was right, he needs to just go for it, take the risk. He’s already changing their friendship himself, with his feelings, with his actions. When their friendship changes, he’ll be able to move on, and hopefully salvage something of their friendship in doing so.

“Sirius…” he trails off. The moment has come, and all his words have left him.

Sirius stops, and slowly turns around.

“Remus.”

“Oh God.” Remus crumples in on himself, dropping the textbook, and drawing his knees up to his chest. He takes a few deep breaths and steadies himself. Sirius drops to the ground again beside him, waiting him out.

“Let me get this out without interruption, okay?” He begins, addressing his knees.

“Sirius, I like you. I like you like you. A ginormous crush as big as the moon.” He laughs bitterly at his unintended and unfortunate reference, “I know that this will make things unbelievably awkward, but I hope you can still accept me as your friend, and we can get past this together.”

He stops and catches his breath, prepared to continue rambling on about how it doesn't have to change anything, they can forget this ever happened, but a hand on his shoulder stops him in his tracks. He holds his breath, but it just rests there, warm, firm, and comforting.

He half looks up. Sirius has moved to kneel in front of him.

His other hand comes up to hold Remus’ chin, and get him to look up at him properly. The hand on his shoulder slides in to cradle that spot where the back of his neck becomes his back. Remus notices there’s a slight tremble in both of them. Sirius’ eyes meet his, and seem to be searching for something in him. Remus stares back, disorientated. This is not how any of his scenarios have played out in his head.

“Truly?” Sirius asks.

Remus nods faintly. He’s not sure what’s happening here.

Sirius’ face breaks out in a breathtaking smile, the hand on his chin slips down to the other side of his neck, and oh god he’s leaning in. Remus forgets how to breathe, and Sirius’ lips brush over his gently, once, twice, three times, and then retreat.

Remus forces his eyes back open, and stares at Sirius in disbelief.

“Be my boyfriend?” Sirius asks with hope.

Somehow Remus manages to nod, as Sirius takes his hands, pulling him to his feet as he stands, and then embracing him fiercely. Remus clings to him in disbelief and wonder, and the hard knot he’s carried around in his chest starts to unravel.

As they stand entwined, kissing at the top of the tower, under the emerging stars, Remus’ forgotten homework scattered around them on the floor, it briefly crosses his mind that he really needs to send Marlene McKinnon a thank you note.

Marlene,

Thank you.

Remus