Chapter Text
quick warning: there is death in this, nothing graphic, just talk of it from two people who are dealing with the grief of it.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And I looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
The frigid, fall air bit at any skin it came into contact with, leaving a pink hue upon swollen lips, tear-stained cheeks, and runny noses. Yet, the crunching of fallen leaves under heavy boots continued to echo through the melancholy woods.
Though his heart ached with grief, his eyes in exhaustion, and his face from the bitter cold, Ben trudged onward.
How could this be happening? This can’t be real! Things were finally getting better!
Thoughts raced through his mind, feelings of anger, guilt, and frustration plaguing his soul. When people spoke of the seven stages of grief, they weren’t fooling around, but nobody said anything about feeling so many of them at once.
His pace was leisurely, lazy, and lethargic. His hands were buried deep into his pant pockets and his gaze rested on the road ahead, his eyes wide and unfocused.
Was I just holding his dead body? Was my mom just wailing in anguish?
Shock.
His speed increased into a brisk walk, his breath huffing out in thick puffs of fog. His eyes darted along the path in a panic.
That didn’t just happen. My old man didn’t just die. He wouldn’t…couldn’t leave us like this.
Denial.
His steps pound against the cobblestone path littered in various shades of orange as he began to jog. His brows furrowed and his teeth ground together as his vision blurred red and filled with rage.
I’m so fucking stupid! Why didn’t I spend more time with him?! Why wasn’t he around?!
Anger.
He ran, his arms swinging in time with his legs. His expression began to soften and his mind began to fire off accusations.
If I had been around more, maybe he’d still be here. If I would have been a better son…
Bargaining.
He began to sprint, going as fast as his legs would go. The golden scenery became fuzzy around him as his eyes filled with tears he long thought had been cried out. His strides were wobbly and his lips quivered with a ferocity that could only be brought on from heart wrenching grief. No longer watching the path, he squeezed his eyes shut as the tears ran down his heated cheeks.
What am I going to do without him? How am I supposed to get married? My kids will never know their grandfather.
Depression.
It was all too much. His shaky legs stopped abruptly, his shoulders trembled like a lonely mountain in a forgotten corner of such a vast world. He felt like he was being crushed from the inside out and needed to release some of what was pent up within.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” He screamed until his lungs begged for air.
He fell to his knees, teardrops tapping onto the stone and fallen leaves below. He struggled to keep his breathing regular, his chest rising and falling in a dangerously quick rhythm.
Ben allowed the darkness of grief to overcome his being, tears flowing till the sore sting of his eyes ached for relief. His unsteady stare peered upward, a fork in the path urged him to make a decision.
He had never been to the Healing Woods before. The woods were nestled behind the hospital and were cared for by the hospital groundskeepers. Patients, stressed family members, and general public were welcome to enjoy the beauty of nature, the aromatic gardens, the relaxing benches, and the calming ponds.
As nice as it all was, he hated it, though he blamed it on the day’s events. It was eerily quiet, no chirping of birds, croaking of frogs, or whistling of wind, just dead silence.
After deciding that he had been there long enough, Ben rose to his feet, tired eyes looking down both paths. Both seemed equally worn, so neither decision could be wrong, right? He wished he had time to adventure down both, but he wasn’t given the pleasure of that this day.
The crisp oranges, yellows, and reds of the trees surrounded both paths, either looking like an enjoyable choice. Though he could not see where either went as they turned at a bend, the path on the right drew him in.
He followed its calling, making his way down the path to his right. Right as he reached the bend, he peered over his shoulder to the path he chose not to travel, wondering what it would have had in store for him.
Maybe next time.
He turned the bend and continued along the maintained road to be met with sight of burnt orange chrysanthemums, yellow and red pansies, and fiery red celosia. Too heartbroken to breathe them in, he simply enjoyed the aroma at a distance, proceeding on his journey.
As the pathway curved into another abrupt bend, he began to hear it, the only sound he had heard since he began his trip through the woods.
Soft, wistful sobs caressed his ears, the familiar sound of a hurting soul brings chills to his every limb. Though most might turn back and follow the other path, he did not, the calling was far too great.
The sounds of sobs grew louder as he turned the bend, gaping at the sudden opening that revealed a beautifully sculpted pond and fountain. A few gardens, decorations hung from trees, and hand painted benches were spread about the large space.
The breathtaking image was quickly forgotten as the sobs broke his focus, the sounds were so weak and filled with sorrow. He began his search, scanning the area for the source of the sound. The he saw her.
He took in the sad site of a young woman, knees pulled to her chest, upon a green bench as her body trembled in agony. He made his way over, taking careful steps to avoid scaring the already distraught lady.
The sudden, ridiculously loud crunch of a leaf underfoot gave him away, the sound caused the woman’s head to jolt up to reveal a beautiful face ridden with grief. She stood faster than Ben ever knew was possible as she attempted to wipe away at her reddened eyes with her sweaters sleeves.
“Oh…I’m terribly sorry! I was just leaving!” The girl’s voice croaked out, ready to run down the pathway.
He didn’t know why he did it, but he reached out an arm, lightly grabbing the girl by the hand. A rush of heat ran from where their hands connected, shivers of pleasure crawling up Ben’s spine as he wondered if she felt it too.
“Please…please don’t leave! At least, not because of me,” his words were shaky, spilling from ever-moving lips that yearned for her to stay.
The girl watched, not that he minded, as his plump lips fumbled about in a dance of nervousness and anxiety, the corners of his mouth tilting from side to side, and chin quaking as he swallowed hard, searching her eyes with a needy twitch of his gaze, filled with longing.
As she searched his face for the solution to questions she knew would never be answered, he did the same. This girl, so clearly overcome with the same grief he had become familiar with, was very much the most beautiful thing he had ever placed his eyes on.
Those eyes froze him in place, the warm mix of golden yellows, earthy greens, and soft browns creating a dangerous pit that he would no doubt be lost within. A dusting of petite freckles lay upon her sun-kissed skin and he desperately ached to place soft kisses on each of them. He had never felt anything like this before, but he was determined to comfort this sparkling gem in a world of cold stones.
It took everything he had not to wipe away the tears that soaked her flushed cheeks and tuck the strands of rich, brunette hair behind her ears. He watched as her plush, pink lips quivered under his intense stare.
Her head nodded so delicately he almost didn’t notice the movement. “Will…you sit with me?” Where had this girl been all his life? Her voice was just as hypnotic as her stunning features.
Ben could only nod in agreement, sitting next to her on the bench. Though barely touching, he couldn’t focus on anything other than the pleasant burn of her thigh against his own. They sat in comfortable silence, the loss still evident, yet not completely alone.
“I’m alone now,” the woman’s words were drenched in shaky sobs, begging to be released.
Ben had spent his life as an outcast, purposefully separating himself from others, so to his surprise, he placed his hand on top of hers. Though his completely enveloped hers, it felt right, like her fingers were meant to be entwined with his.
Her head shot up, her eyes meeting his. He swallowed hard, hoping that he had not overstepped. Relief washed over him as her hand gripped back, and in that moment, he knew that he had been correct that this girl’s hands fit his in the most perfect way.
“You’re not alone,” his voice trembled, unsure of where these words came from.
Ben hadn’t thought this girl could be more beautiful, but was so incredibly wrong when a wobbly grin stretched onto her lips. He enjoyed the fullness of her cheeks when she wore a smile.
“That’s really sweet, but I really am alone now…” The gorgeous stranger’s gaze drifted to the path through the wood, a sad emptiness within her pupils. “You aren’t either…alone, that is.”
He hadn’t known that he needed to hear those words, but it had struck something inside, his heart thumping heavily in his chest. He let out a choked sob, tears rushing down his face, leaving wet patches upon the knees of his tan pant legs.
Damn. He was so tired of crying.
Here he had thought he was going to comfort this girl, yet she was equally doing that for him, possibly more. She allowed him to weep to himself, keeping her eyes forward. With a gentle squeeze of her hand, filled with a surprising amount of compassion, he gazed up at her from his slouched position.
The void within her eyes had cleared like a thick fog late at night and had been replaced with a soft understanding. Her stare seemed to look through his wet, hurt-filled eyes and into his very soul. Soft smiles tugged at their lips, genuine, but sad.
Running a hand through his thick tresses, he stared at his Vans, suddenly feeling nervous. He grew curious and had an overwhelming need to bare himself to her.
“Who did you lose…if you don’t mind me asking.”
Her smile grew when he asked the question. “It’s weird, but talking about him is all I want to do right now.”
Suddenly the cold, hard realization hit him, what if she just lost a husband or a boyfriend? Ben wished desperately that the girl he had felt an intense chemistry with wasn’t sitting next to him, mourning the death of a lover. The thought of enjoying the company of a dead man’s girl the way he did, so soon after his death, didn’t sit well with him.
“It’s…was…my grandfather. My parents died when I was young and he took me in. He was my f-favorite person.” She pushed back the sobs and wiped away the tears, a grin plastered to her face. “He was an incredible man, so genuine and caring.”
A sudden and adorable snort escaped her lips and Ben couldn’t help, but giggle with her. “He could kick anyone’s ass at chess. I vowed to beat him one day, but I never did. Bastard,” she chuckled, not an ounce of remorse in her voice, only joy in reliving happy memories.
“He sounds amazing.” Ben offered a warm smile and a hand squeeze before relaxing against the bench, head sinking slightly into his puffy, black vest. He knew she was bound to ask the same question, but what would he say? He didn’t have the best relationship with his parents.
“Who did you lose?” She asked, genuine interest and curiosity in her calming voice.
With a shaky sigh, his heart still aching with disbelief, he replied, “My father.” He took a moment to think about what he should say, tugging anxiously at the sleeve of his plaid shirt. However, when the time came to talk, it came naturally, “He was…”
Was…?
“He was…confident, over confident, actually,” he chuckled, shaking his head at the thought of that tiresome man. “He drove me nuts with how carefree and cocky he was. He was a pain in the ass. He did whatever he wanted. He…he was my hero.” The realization felt like a blow to the gut. Why hadn’t he told his father that?
“My father was a pilot. I was so proud of him, so much so that I strived to be a pilot too…”
The girl stared at him expectedly, eyes filled with hope that his dream had come true. Ben smiled, finding her interest in his life incredibly delightful.
“There’s nothing quite like it, soaring through the skies, staring down at a world that seems so huge when your feet are on the ground.” He let out an embarrassed cough before continuing, “What do you do for a living?”
“It’s always nice to meet a fellow adrenaline junky.” She grinned excitedly, Ben searching her expression with confusion. “I race cars.”
“Holy crap! Really?!” He was stunned, not only was this woman beautiful and funny, but she was also a badass.
“You bet!” She proclaimed proudly, eyes filled with a fiery determination. He loved it.
Wow. This girl is really something.
“Oh, wow, how rude of me! I didn’t get your name, Miss?” Normally he would extend a hand for a handshake, but his remained wrapped around hers, so he placed a free one on top, not daring to let go.
“Rey, Rey Kenobi.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her hair, staring off in another direction in a failed attempt at hiding the blush on her cheeks.
Rey Kenobi? Beautiful.
Ben couldn’t believe how much more his heart leaped with every minute, no, second, that he spent with her. He was completely smitten, it was the stuff of fairytale stories of princesses and their knights in shining armor.
Their eyes met again, something of a raging fire flickering within their irises as they leaned towards each other. Her face was, but a whisper away now and he wished nothing more than to press his lips to hers, to unlock the feel and taste of them to his memory.
“I’m…Ben, Ben Solo,” his voice quaked as his traitorous eyes fell to those pretty pink lips, now turned into the most delicious smile.
“Nice to meet you, Ben Solo,” she replied, her tone nearly doing him in. It was so soft, but so filled with…temptation.
He watched the spectacle before him as her long lashes fluttered shut. With something akin to instinct, he pressed a warm hand to her jaw, lips inching towards hers.
Oh my god, this is going to happen.
“Ben! Ben, where are you!?” A familiar, now intruding, voice echoed through the trees and into the open space.
He watched, heart throbbing with unmet anticipation, as Rey’s eyes shot open. Pulling back, her gaze darted about in search of the unknown voice. The sudden and welcome sensation of his forehead resting on her shoulder brought her attention back to Ben.
“That motherfucker…” Ben chuckled, voice filled with frustration.
She rumpled his hair playfully before helping him to stand just as an older gentleman ran into the clearing. Once spotted, he made his way to the duo, placing a hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“There you are! Your mother is starting to worry,” the man scolded lightly before his gaze wandered to Rey. “Oh, hello there!”
Ben let out a heavy sigh, already feeling the embarrassment eating at the tips of his ears. “Uncle Luke, this is Rey Kenobi.”
Luke froze as he shook her hand, “Kenobi? You wouldn’t be related to old Ben Kenobi, would you?”
Of course! Old Ben Kenobi! How could I miss such an obvious connection, Ben wondered to himself, suddenly aware of the connection this girl had to his namesake.
Luke watched as Rey’s expression twisted into a mixture of pain and sadness before his nephew placed a baseball glove-sized hand on her shoulder. She noticeably relaxed under his touch.
“Yes, that was my grandfather.” Luke didn’t miss the emphasis she put on the word ‘was’, searching Ben’s eyes only to be met with sorrow and a shake of the head.
“Ah, I see. Then today truly is one of mourning.” Luke patted Rey’s hand in a gesture of comfort, “Your grandfather was a colleague of mine, a true friend and mentor.”
“Thank you, sir,” Rey beamed, hearing of her grandfather brought more joy than anyone would know.
Ben felt goosebumps travel across his body as a mischievous grin grew on his uncle’s face, that man never missed an opportunity to embarrass him and he wouldn’t put it past him to do it now.
“Did you know that Ben here was named after your grandfather?” Luke asked, voice oozing with fake shock, his face disguised with the same.
“You don’t say! Small world we live in, it seems!” Rey giggled, enjoying the sight of Ben becoming a motionless statue of pure humiliation.
Oh no! She’s joining in on the teasing. This is bad…really bad.
“Now, Rey, you’re a Kenobi and Kenobi’s are family to the Skywalker/Organa-Solo tribe. Please, won’t you join us? My sister would, no doubt, like to meet you!” Throwing an arm around Rey’s shoulder, the duo made their way to the exit, leaving Ben to mumble to himself.
“As the granddaughter of such a close family-friend, I hope my nervous, little nephew treated you with respect.” Luke looked over his shoulder, giving Ben an obnoxiously fake glare.
This bastard…always making me the butt of his jokes. Ben rolled his eyes.
Rey held back a laugh, looking over her shoulder with a bright smile and eyes filled with healing, “Oh yes, he treated me quite well. Don’t you fret!”
Ben grinned, stopping suddenly as he observed his uncle and Rey making their way to the entrance of the hospital where his mother waited. This place was truly beautiful and if he hadn’t have come here, or gone down that one path, he wouldn’t have met her and she was exactly what he needed today.
Maybe he would travel down that other path one day, but for now, he was thankful. As his mother wrapped her arms around Rey in one of her long hugs, he finally felt thankful for his messy, embarrassing, but perfect family.