Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hizashi slowly opened his eyes. He felt like a truck had run him over and then reversed to make absolutely certain that he was properly flattened. His head hurt and everything felt heavy. It was dark and dusty and everything smelt musty and strangely like metal – iron. It was hard to draw breath.

Something heavy was pressing what little air he could get into his lungs out again every time his chest tried to expand. He let out a strained groan as he tried to move his head a little and felt a stabbing pain at his left temple.

What the hell had happened? He still remembered that every hero in the close vicinity had been called to evacuate a building that had be hit by an earthquake earlier – and while yes, he wasn't a rescue hero, he also couldn't just do nothing. After all he needed no special quirk to carry people out of the rubble, physical strength was enough for that.

“Mic?” someone said, close to a whisper, breath fanning over Hizashi's neck. Hizashi would be able to pinpoint that deep voice even if it was drowned out by a hundred different screams, the rising panic in his chest subsided a little as he realized to whom the stifling, heavy weight on his chest must belong.

“Eraser? What happened?” he asked, his voice raspy, chest labouring because the dusty, warm air around them.

“Second quake.” Shouta answered, his tone was strangely clipped, a little strained “The ceiling caved in.” there was a beat of silence “I tried getting you out of the way but I was too slow.” the words sounded angry, maybe disappointed, Hizashi wasn't quite sure but he didn't have to be, he knew exactly what Shouta was beating himself up over.

“Don’t worry, someone else will get us out of here.” he tried. Shouta on top of him scoffed, the warm breath of air fanning against Hizashi's upper neck and jaw.

Hizashi tried to chuckle but he choked on the noise, the musty air making him cough.

“Mic?” Shouta's voice sounded worried.

“ ‘M fine.” Hizashi rasped out after the coughing fit had finally settled “It’s just the air here...” he elaborated and then after a moment added “I don't suppose you could move a little off me?”

He felt Shouta move his head a little as if he tried to duck “I can’t move.”

Hizashi shrugged as best as he could “Thought as much...” he tried making something out in the dark but there was no light, and even if his tinted glasses had seemingly been knocked off his face he still was unable to make out any kind of outline.

Right now he could only feel. The hard lines of Shouta's body over him pressing into him and making it hard to breathe, something pressing uncomfortably into his right leg, a trickle of blood down the side of his left temple, the hard floor under him, pebbles digging into his back even through his leather jacket.

He felt like a press was trying to squash him.

Slowly he wiggled his fingers, curling them, feeling the tips press into his fingerless leather gloves. Then his toes, scrapping them against the fodder of his boots, feeling the texture of his socks pressing into skin.

Well, at least he could still move, that had to count for something. He turned his head slightly to his left from where Shouta's voice had breathed into his ears – he could feel wavy hair brushing against his chin, falling into the free space between his directional speakers and his jaw. The sensation made him suppress a shiver.

His neck was much too sensitive and the feather light brushes of Shouta's hair against the skin there made goose flesh rise on his arms. He stopped his motion as he felt his temple brushing against sweat slick skin – he felt a straight, long nose pressing into his cheek. It seemed he had at least found Shouta's forehead then.

He pressed his temple gently against the other mans forehead “Hey…” he breathed, voice only growing rougher, he felt like his lungs were full of dust “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” Shouta groaned dismissively “What about you? I tried getting us away from the biggest chunks but I couldn't see properly.”

Hizashi smiled, he was sure Shouta could feel his cheek move where it was laying against his nose “Whatever is on top of us is trying to squish me into a post stamp but otherwise I'm good. I think I hit my head on something though.”

“Are you feeling nauseous?”

“I don't think it’s a concussion.” Hizashi tried to reassure, but the fact of the matter was that he didn't know. He didn't feel nauseous or like his surroundings had started spinning, then again, maybe it was the fact that he was lying flat on his back … or maybe the adrenaline.

There was an unhappy hum beside his ear and Hizashi had to suppress another shiver. Shouta’s deep voice so close to his ear really wasn't doing anything good to him. He had always thought that Shouta's voice was very nice to listen too – dark and smooth, carrying intensity and threats without the need to yell them out.

Hizashi flicked his tongue out to lick over his chapped, dry lips. He tasted dirt and who knew what else and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Well, it wasn't all bad. At least Shouta was with him. To be honest, he was even a little glad about it. Shouta's presence was always calming, after all Shouta was the rational one of them, he never panicked and even if a situation was dire he always conveyed the feeling that everything would turn out fine.

Hizashi was rather sure he would be a nervous wreck by now if it hadn't been for Shouta's calm, nonchalant tone in his ear and the slow heartbeat he felt against his own chest, even through four layers of clothes.

For a while – Hizashi had no idea how long it was exactly – they just lay in silence. Hizashi felt his rips aching as they supported Shouta's weight along with whatever was piled on top of the erasure hero.

The small space was getting hot, both their bodies heating it to an uncomfortable degree… but at the very least the dust had settled enough for Hizashi to draw in air without making him fear that it would topple him into a coughing fit.

He felt Shouta's breath rhythmically fanning against the side of his face and the part of his neck not encased in his directional speaker.

Honestly, if it didn't feel like his rips were struggling not to crack and the situation hadn't been as fucked as it was Hizashi might even find it comforting – enjoyable. After all, he always seemed to seek out Shouta's proximity, his attention and touch, even if it were only friendly shoves or high-fives.

The thought made Hizashi feel somewhat pathetic – how he was fine with being crushed under a building as long as he had an excuse to be close to Shouta.

Really? How long had this been going on? Eleven years? Twelve? Longer? Hizashi would have thought that by now he would have grown out of his silly teenage crush but no, instead the crush had persistently pressed against his rips, dug its claws into the nooks of his heart and had morphed into sweet, fond love.

Hizashi was nearly feeling guilty for finding some kind of solace, a kind of happiness in this shitty situation that they were in right now.

He let out a soft sigh through his nose.

“Are you okay?” Shouta asked, close to his ear, hot breath caressing Hizashi's neck and the voice hero had to bite his bottom lip for a second.

“How long do you think it will take till they dig us out again?” he asked instead. He felt the vibration of Shouta's thoughtful hum in his own chest.

“I don't know.”

“Well, they better hurry up. I can feel my ribs bruising.”

Shouta didn't say anything back and so they simply lapsed into silence again. Hizashi let out a soft snort as he realized that Shouta's breath had started slowing – of course he would notice, there was precious little he could focus on and so his mind had decided to obsess over the feeling of Shouta's breathing tickling his neck… which wasn't helping anything, honestly.

“Are you seriously going to fall asleep right now?” Hizashi joked. Truly, if there was one person that could fall asleep buried under a pile of rubble then it had to be Shouta.

The other man gave a confused noise “What?” he asked, and his voice sounded tired – drowsy. This time Hizashi couldn't stop the laughter, it sounded a little wheezy but, eh, who cared?

“Don’t fall asleep on me, literally. I’ll get bored out of my mind without someone to talk to.” he said, clearly amused.

“Sorry.” Shouta gave back and that answer made the mirth Hizashi was feeling evaporate. His smile fell. Shouta normally wouldn't apologize for something like that… his tone had a strange cadence to it as well now that Hizashi was looking for it.

Worry was suddenly slamming against Hizashi's ribs, clawing and jittering through his chest.

“Hey, Eraser, are you fine?”

“I’m good.”

Hizashi bit the inside of his cheek “Are you sure?” he pushed, his own voice shaking a little. He tried moving his left hand, his arm effectively trapped under Shouta's weight but he managed to turn his wrist, fingers stretching out till they connected with Shouta's body.

He tried feeling around and his hand bumped into the pouches around the other mans hips, he moved up. The fabric of Shouta's costume felt strangely slick and warm and Hizashi's heart dropped with every quivering inch his hand moved upwards.

All of a sudden he was able to place the metallic scent in the air. Hizashi realized that it had nothing to do with the rubble around them as he had originally suspected – his heart twisted in his chest. His fingers finally bumped into something that felt like a thin metal bar, maybe an inch in diameter.

Hizashi's eyes widened, his hand started shaking even more than before as a clear image appeared in his mind.

“Mic. Mic, hey, breathe. Don't panic.” Shouta's voice immediately cut through the terrified haze that was settling over Hizashi's mind.

“You’re… You...” he started, swallowing the lump in his throat before he continued “Why didn't you say anything?”

“It’s not like either of us can do anything about it.” Shouta answered, tone nearly dismissive “At least it didn't injure you too.” he added as if that was more important than the fact that there was a metal bar piercing his side!

Hizashi let out a shaky laugh, it sounded hysteric even to his own ears.

“Mic, calm down. It’s fine.”

“It’s fine?!” he nearly screeched and he could feet Shouta flinch on top of him.

“Mic!” Shouta hissed “Don’t shout. That is the last thing we need right now.”

Hizashi tried, he tried because that calm voice told him to. So he took a slow breath, grasping at his fraying nerves.

“You should have told me.” Hizashi said, calmer, voice pitched low.

“And then what? Have you panic right under me?”

“You should still have said something. I can’t believe you!” the last part was an angry hiss.

“What would that have achieved? We can’t do anything about it. So let’s just ignore it till help arrives.”

Hizashi let out a noise, something angry… something small and raw “Shouta…” he breathed and he felt Shouta's left hand, that was resting on his chest, twitch a little.

“You get worried too easily. It’s why I didn't say anything. I can’t have you flying into a hysteric fit right now.”

Hizashi bit his lower lip for a second before he nudged his temple more to his left, rubbing it against Shouta's forehead – not caring that he aggravated whatever wound he had there. He felt a fond huff of breath against his neck in answer.

“It’s going to be fine.” Hizashi said, he felt like it was more to calm his own nerves than to comfort Shouta “They will get us out of here and then we can go to the hospital and you can drive the doctor up the wall because you refuse to stay put and get some bed rest.” he tried for funny, he was rather sure he had missed the mark.

With some effort Hizashi wriggled his right arm, bending it at the elbow and draping it over his chest where he felt Shouta's left arm over his torso. It took a moment but in the end he clasped his hand around Shouta's, squeezing the other mans fingers reassuringly.

It would be fine. Shouta would be fine. He was always fine. Shouta was indestructible, Hizashi knew. Hizashi had seen him taking on people twice his size, had seen him shrugging hits off that would have send lesser men to the ground, had seen the scars on his upper body – every one of them a testament to just how resilient Shouta was.

They just had to wait till someone got them out and then everything would be fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine…

It was like a mantra in Hizashi's mind, sounding more and more desperate the longer time stretched on. Shouta would be fine, he had to be fine!

There was still so much Hizashi wanted to experience with Shouta at his side; still so much he wanted to say… still so much he had wanted to confess.

If the warmth had felt stifling before then it felt downright smothering now, like someone tried to press a pillow over his face to suffocate him. Hizashi was painfully aware of each slow, slightly ragged breath Shouta panted against his neck, he counted every heartbeat against his chest. He squeezed his right hand and felt Shouta squeeze back.

They had to get out of here. Whatever Hizashi had felt before, it hadn't felt good – his left hand was sticky with blood that was slowly drying, pulling at the skin and cracking like old paint. He felt wetness slowly seeping under his leather jacket and soaking in his button down.

“I’m sorry.” Shouta suddenly spoke up, his word seemed strangely slurred and Hizashi's heart seized.

“You have to stay awake.” Hizashi whispered, breathlessly.

A mirthless snort “I know that. I'm trying.” there was a short pause “Don’t think I'm not trying.” he repeated.

Hizashi swallowed, he felt strangely choked with the growing lump in his throat.

“I know.” he swallowed again “I know…” he sounded strangled, even to his own ears “Just keep trying.”

Silence fell over them again and Hizashi felt like he wanted to claw out of his own skin, he felt like vibrating. He wanted to do something, he needed to do something! But instead he was trapped here, unable to move more than a few inches in any direction.

He rubbed his right thumb over Shouta's wrist, feeling the pulse there. It calmed him somewhat.

“Hizashi,” Shouta spoke, he had dropped hero names or professionalism and a pit opened in Hizashi stomach in answer “I’m going to be plain with you. I don't really feel the pain anymore and I know that, logically, it must be hot in here, but I'm cold right now. I don't know how much longer I’ll be able to hang on.” his voice sounded strong and unwavering and it was the only thing that was holding Hizashi together right now.

“Just try, okay?” Hizashi nearly sobbed out “A little longer, okay?” He swallowed a few times, trying to keep the tears down. Shouta had been right, panicking wouldn't help them right now “Hey, Shou, I have to tell you a secret so you have to stay awake, okay?”

I still have to tell you how much I love you. You can’t die before I got the chance to tell you. You have to know. You must know! It repeated and re-repeated in Hizashi's head.

“A secret?” it sounded tired, exhausted and a little slurred but still alert.

“Yeah, a big one. It’s really important that you know. I’ll tell you in the hospital okay?” You have to stay awake till then, you have to get better. Please!

Shouta only hummed non-committal. His breath felt too slow against Hizashi's neck and after a long, anxious moment of silence he spoke up, quietly “I have to tell you something too.”

Hizashi's heart sank, throbbing painfully “You can tell me in the hospital.” he insisted, desperate.

“No.” Shouta said decisively “No…” he repeated a little softer “I know I never say it enough but you are my best friend. You are very important to me Hizashi and I wish I could have spared you this experience now.”

Hizashi felt his lower lip trembling “Shut up!” he wheezed out but that only got an uncomfortably weak chuckle out of Shouta in answer.

“Since when are you the one telling me to shut up?”

“Since you started talking complete nonsense!”

“Hizashi...”

“No!”

Shouta let out a soft sigh “Don’t think I'm not trying. I don't want to die, for your information, but I'm tired. We have to face the facts. If they don't get us out soon-”

“Shut up!”

Hizashi felt another fan of breath against his jaw. His eyes burned, and the hand that was holding Shouta's had started trembling.

“You know, I always liked your voice, even if you never shut up.” Shouta suddenly changed the topic “Or how easily excitable you are. When I get the time I listen to your radio show – I never told you that either. I like that you are so many things that I'm not. I always thought we balanced each other out nicely.

I always thought you could do better than me.” there was a mirthless chuckle.

“Shut up!” Hizashi's voice rose in pitch, words shaking out from between his lips, his hand squeezing Shouta's tighter. He felt hot tears running down his temples, burning when the salt hit the cut on his left side. There was no one who could even think of holding a candle to Shouta – and Hizashi had always suspected that Shouta might just be too good to be true.

“Don’t cry.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Hizashi felt Shouta's fingers moving against his “It’s going to be fine. They are going to get you out, ‘Zashi”

“I don't care for that!” it tore out of Hizashi's throat, raw and vulnerable. He didn't care if they got him out as long as they got Shouta out. As long as Shouta would be fine. As long as Shouta would finally stop talking like he was a dead man already.

“I do.” Shouta gave back. How he managed to keep his voice even in a situation like this eluded Hizashi. Hizashi felt like screaming and crying and sobbing. But he couldn't, he would hurt Shouta if he lost control now so he just sniffled softly, trying to keep himself and his quirk in check, holding on to the last threads that held him together – holding onto Shouta.

“I still have to tell you that secret.” Hizashi sobbed “It’s really important that I tell you. You have to know it!”

You have to know how much I love you. You cant die yet, I still haven't told you because I’ve always been a coward. Because I thought it would be enough to be by your side as a friend. I thought it would be good enough but it isn't. It’s not! I was an idiot to think it would ever be enough.

Hizashi's thoughts were roaring through his mind, his heart pumping too hard, his breath too short, he felt like he was close to a panic attack.

“Shouta, do you hear me?” he asked, squeezing his right hand slightly. It felt like someone had cracked his chest open as he realized that Shouta's hand in his was limp “Shouta?” he asked, voice a choked up, disbelieving whisper.

“Shouta?”

No, no, nononono…

That couldn't be. Shouta was so strong, he couldn't die like this. Buried under rubble while Hizashi was helpless to do anything but cry softly.

“Shouta? Shouta, please. This isn't funny! Come on! Please say something!” Hizashi was begging, pleading. He turned his face to the left more, even if it strained his neck. He nudged his temple against Shouta's forehead, twisting himself till he got the tip of his nose to brush against sweaty, black hair.

His shoulders were shaking, his throat raw, his lungs struggling to get enough air as he nuzzled against the man on top of him “Come on, come on, come on” Hizashi whispered over and over, words shivering out of him in wet heaves “Please, Shouta.”

He was mumbling, he knew but his mind didn't register the words, all he was aware of was the limp body on top of him. Time lost all meaning. He didn't care anymore. Whoever was out there sifting through the rubble could just leave him here… no, no… they had to find him so they could get Shouta out. They had to get Shouta out!

“Shouta, please…”

Hizashi didn't know how long it was but finally the heard something that sounded like someone was moving rubble and he tightened his hold on Shouta's limp hand.

A few moments later and light fell into the tiny space Shouta and him were occupying. Hizashi had to squint his eyes at the bright glare but he was still able to make out the shadow of hands, arms, people.

“Down here!” he called “Eraserhead is wounded! A bar pierced his side so you have to be careful when you move the rubble around us!” Hizashi didn't know where the sudden burst of resolve came from but he also didn't care. He had to get Shouta out of here somehow.

Everything seemed to go much too slow. Hizashi felt new dust getting caught in the tear tracks on his temples and his cheeks but finally, after much too long, they were free again.

Hizashi moved as if in a haze, one step after the other. Get the helpers off his back, push past the people bombarding him with questions, only one thing on his mind: Follow the emergency medicine specialists that where carrying Shouta's body to the ambulance.

One of them turned to him, her brows drawn over her face, as if she wanted to protest.

“I’m his emergency contact. He lost a lot of blood. He’s type B and I'm too. You can use my blood for a transfusion.” Hizashi argued before she could even get a word in.

Hizashi saw her jaw jump and then she nodded.

Everything that happened afterwards was a blur. The ride to the hospital, the wait while Shouta was in surgery, everything – and Hizashi felt like he had just surfaced from a deep daze when he was finally able to sit down beside Shouta's bed. It felt like reality had suddenly snapped back into place around him.

The beeping noise of the heart monitor was the most soothing sound he had ever heard in his life.

He flopped into the seat, utterly exhausted. Still wearing his dirty hero costume, his hair a mess that still had pebbles and concrete snared in it and fell around his head in greasy strands. He had barely held still long enough for one of the nurses to check if he didn't have a concussion and to slap a compress on the nasty cut on his left temple.

Shakily he reached his hands out and cupped both of them gently around Shouta's left, which was close to him. He drew it up and pressed it against his forehead.

Still alive. Shouta was still alive after everything that had happened. Hizashi felt a hysteric, near mad cackle shake out of him as he started crying again “You’re just indestructible aren't you? There is nothing that can take you down is there?” he asked no one, he was still giggling, moving Shouta's hand so that he could press his lips against the knuckles for a quiet moment before he continued to laugh.

That was it, wasn't it? He had finally gone over the deep end but he just couldn't stop laughing or crying. He felt… He didn't know how he felt. Giddy? Happy? Utterly shaken and tired but so glad.

He didn't know how long he sat there just cackling to himself like a hyaena; or for how long he had sat in silence after his fit had finally calmed down – leaving him feeling exhausted and strangely empty but so, so happy as he watched the steady rise and fall of Shouta's chest.

In the end Hizashi tipped forwards, till he could rest his head on the mattress beside Shouta, he still had the other mans left hand cupped between both of his, stroking his thumbs over the pale skin there. He closed his eyes, only for a second, he told himself, only till the burning from all the crying had stopped.

He woke to the feeling of a hand brushing through his hair, methodically pulling out pebbles and dirt and whatever else was still twisted up in there. For a second Hizashi just remained lax, mouth pulling up at the sides into a content smile before everything that had happened slammed back into him and he jerked upwards – his back cracking in protest, his neck aching even if he had lost his directional speaker somewhere between the ambulance ride and now.

“Shouta?” he breathed in awe as his slightly blurry vision – he didn't care if his glasses were still somewhere in the rubble of that blasted building – settled on tired dark eyes.

“Where there casualties?” Shouta asked nearly immediately and Hizashi let out a disbelieving laugh, his hands reaching out till he could cup them around Shouta's left again.

“No”

Shouta gave a soft hum and closed his eyes again. He looked content “Good” he answered finally, his thumb brushing over the knuckles of one of Hizashi's hands. Hizashi swallowed, his heart swelling as he looked at the wonderful man in front of him.

Of course, Shouta would be more worried about civilians getting hurt than the fact that he nearly died.

“Are you hurt?” Shouta asked barely a second later, one eye cracking open to regard Hizashi with his intense stare as if he could see his very soul, as if he could read the answer in his eyes.

Of course, Shouta was more concerned for Hizashi than himself.

Hizashi forced a shaky smile on his lips, his eyes started burning again and a second later he felt tears spilling down his cheeks. He would have thought that he had cried himself out by now but it seemed he was mistaken.

“I’m fine.” he choked out. Shouta's second eye opened as well, and he gave Hizashi a concerned look, sweeping his gaze over his face and body as if he tried to find some kind of invisible injury.

“Why are you crying?” Shouta actually had the audacity to sound confused and Hizashi couldn't suppress a happy, boyish laugh. His beautiful Shouta.

“Hey…” he breathed without answering, nearly a whisper “I still need to tell you that secret.” he said and leaned down till he could speak into Shouta's left ear. Where before he had only felt anxiety and a fear of rejection he now felt a kind of giddy anticipation instead. No matter what Shouta answered he didn't care.

He just wanted the other man to know that he was loved. That he was more than good enough for Hizashi – that he was, in fact, way out of Hizashi's league if you asked the blond man.

“I love you Shouta.” he whispered.