Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Peter couldn’t breathe. He felt the world closing in on him and a bone deep could consume his body. All he could think about was May. She would be so disappointed that he let this happen. His dad would be so disappointed. He wanted to curl up and hug his aunt for hours but he couldn’t because she was fucking dead.

Dead because of him. He couldn’t save her. He would never forgive himself for that, first Ben and then May. Tony could be next. That thought opened up a whole other gateway of fear and self destructive thoughts. He would be better off without you, Peter thought. He would be better off without a mentee/son that allowed himself to be raped, again.

It had happened after school. His last class was gym. He always stays a little after so he can change in peace. He didn’t want his classmates to see the bulging muscles and become suspicious. He was safer being puny Peter Parker. His spider sense had gone off and he suddenly had found himself surrounded with by five of his classmates, led by Flash. “What do you want?” Peter had said.

“I’m sure you can figure that out Einstein” Flash snarled. “I’m teaching you not to talk back to me.” Peter had frozen at these words. No. Not again. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Memories were resurfacing at an alarming rate. Hands that we’re too big on his tiny frame. A rough voice saying that fucking word. Einstein. He felt paralyzed, and when the boys grabbed him, he couldn’t fight back.

In the present he shuddered recalling what they had done to him. It hadn’t lasted long but it still burned permanently into his brain. At least the marks would be gone in a few hours with his enhanced healing. He felt dirty, tainted, he wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

In fact that thought spurred on a nagging feeling that had been present since after the boys left the locker room. He wanted to die. He needed to die. He had to find the right way to go about it. His body had a stupidly fast healing factor so things like jumping or cutting were virtually impossible. He didn’t think he could stomach suffocation, so the only thing left was to shoot himself. He felt himself walk, dreamlike, through the halls of avengers tower to the emergency weapons storage near the training room.

He felt bad about taking Natasha’s gun but he reminded himself that she too would be better off without him. He carried it back to his room and sat at his desk staring at the weapon in his hand. He checked if it was loaded and turned off the safety lock. That’s when the tears came. Next thing he knew he was sobbing, holding the gun to his head and waiting, waiting for the courage to pull the trigger came.

He was crying so loud that he didn’t hear the door to his room opening, Tony’s gasp of shock, or him silently creeping into the room behind him. Tony had to make sure not to startle Pete lest he pull the trigger out of surprise. He activated his hand gauntlet, planning on putting it between the gun and his son’s head. The suit was bulletproof so he knew he could save Peter if fired the gun. He would grab the gun with his other hand.

He tiptoed quietly behind Peter and put his plan in action. He shoved his metal covered hand between the gun and yanked it out of Peter’s hand with the other. Tony chucked the gun out of the open door, not caring at the moment if it went off. Peter’s gasp of surprise and and anguish when he figured out what was going on tore into tony’s heart like a knife.

Tears streaming down both their faces Peter turned to look into his adoptive dad’s face with the most vulnerable expression tony had ever seen. With the breath catching in the back of his throat Tony whispered one word, “Why?” Peter looked back with a dead look in his eyes before replying “because I don’t deserve to live.”

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“Because, I don’t deserve to live.” Those words shattered Tony’s heart. His kid thought that he didn’t deserve to be alive.

“Well that’s just bullshit kiddo.” Tony said with determination, “I can think of a million reasons why you deserve to live, and most importantly why we need you to live. What happened that caused this?”

Peter through his tears responded “May and Ben, dead. My fault. All my fault.” Tony pulled his close to his chest as he sobbed harder. Peter’s words became incoherent but tony could make out “Skip” and “Flash”. Peter shifted in his chair and gave a cry of pain. Tony felt his blood go ice cold.

“Pete?” Tony said suspiciously. “What happened?”

“Nothing! It’s nothing!” Peter cried a little too fast to be believable.

“Friday?” Tony inquired.

“Mr. Parker appears to have an immense amount of bruising to his body and...” Friday said.

“And what?” Tony cried out

“And severe damage to the anus. Immediate medical attention advised.”

Tony looked at his kid, now curled up in his chair, face in between his knees. Shock consumed Tony’s body. How had he not seen it. He felt a tirade of his own self deprecating thoughts boiling up but he fought to push them down. They didn’t have time for this his kid needed him now. “Pete? I need to know who did this to you.”

Peter looked up seeming to too tired and in pain to argue. He looked at his dad with a numb expression. “Flash. Flash Thompson.”

Tony felt rage bubbling in his veins. Fucking Flash Thompson. He had found out about the little shit a few months ago after Ned had accidentally let slip about him bullying Peter. The only reason he hadn’t ruined that kid’s life already was because Peter had begged him not to. Now tony was in full murder mode. He wanted to fly all the way to the kid’s house in his Iron Man suit and fuck his shit up. He was angrily imagining all the ways he could make Flash’s death look like an accident when he looked up and saw his kid’s vulnerable eyes still peering at him. All the fury drained out of tony quickly. He had to make sure his kid got help first. Murder second, and thinking of it, the avengers would kill him if he didn’t let them help.

“You heard Fri. We gotta get you to the med-bay.” Tony said pulling Peter to his feet and half dragging half carrying him out the door. As they passed the gun now lying in the hallway tony got an intense pang of fear. What if he hadn’t arrived when he had. No. He couldn’t think about it.

Peter didn’t speak all the way down to the med-bay but as soon as he set Peter down on one of the hospital beds and turned around to call out for Helen he heard it. First a small increase to Peter’s breath and then increasing to a very rapid rate. Tony froze for a moment. He knew all too well what was happening but just because he himself got panic attacks, he had no idea how to calm someone else down from them.

He whipped around and grabbed Peter’s face forcing the boy to look at him. “Pete look at me you gotta breathe slower. In and out deep breaths.” When that didn’t work Tony began to panic, he turned and ran to the door shouting “HELEN? BRUCE? ANYONE?” He heard thundering footsteps and saw the figure of Helen Cho racing towards him.

“Tony? What’s wrong I heard yelling!” Helen said anxiously.

Tony pointed inside the room and all he was able to say was “Help.” Helen rushed inside the room and attempted to calm Peter down. When she was too unsuccessful she turned to Tony and said “I’m gonna need to use a sedative.”

Tony nodded knowing it was the only way. “Kid’s got the metabolism of Steve so you’re gonna have to use the stuff meant for him.” Helen nodded and rushed to the counter while Tony grabbed Peter’s hands and gripped them tight. Peter looked so afraid, and it was clear how young the boy was. Tony thought bitterly. Sixteen. His son was sixteen he shouldn’t have to deal with any of this shit. As Helen approached with the syringe Tony gripped Pete’s hands even tighter. Helen pushes the syringe in and released the sedatives. As Peter drifted off under the drug’s influence tony whispered into the boy’s hands. “I love you kid.”

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Tony felt drained after he saw Peter collapse after the sedative took effect. He wanted to stay with Pete until he woke up but he knew he had to call an avengers meeting. He knew from experience that these drugs would keep Peter knocked out for a good three hours. He got up slowly feeling numb.

He picked up his phone dialing Steve. He picked up after the second ring. “Tony? What’s up you never call.”

“Steve get all the avengers up to conference room A I’ll be with you in a minute it’s an emergency.”

“Are you okay? What’s happened?”

“No. I’m not okay. I’ll tell you when everyone is together.”

“Okay. We’ll be there soon.”

“Thank you.” Tony hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He knew Peter would kill him if he knew what tony was about to do but it was necessary. Both so the team would be mindful so not to trigger Peter in the upcoming future, and to plan how they were going to fuck up this little prick flash’s life for good.

He trudged his way upstairs wallowing in pain. His son had been raped and almost killed himself. He didn’t know what to do. If truth be told he needed the avengers to help. He needed their advice and support. He reached the conference room in a few minutes and paused outside. He didn’t know how to tell them but he knew he had to. He opened the door and turned to his friends and team mates.

The mood in the room was somber and inquisitive. It seemed as though Steve had conveyed the seriousness of the situation. Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, and Pepper sat in the seats around the table. They looked up from their quiet conversations when they heard him come into the room. They looked expectantly at him and Tony felt his throat catch. He didn’t know how to start so he just dived right in.

“Peter tried to kill himself.” Tony said with a broken voice.

The team burst with an uproar of questions and exclamations. When it died down Steve asked “Is he safe? What happened?”

“I found him in his room with Nat’s gun pointed at his head.” Tony turned to her and saw tears streaming down her face. He had never seen her show this amount of emotion before. “I saved him and he’s down in the med-bay now. Cho has to sedate him because he had a major panic attack.”

“Why?” Pepper said, voice cracking. “He knows he can come to us about anything.” The rest of them made noises of assent at this.

“Because...” Tony paused. This was it. “My son was raped today.” Unlike the previous statement the room was stone cold silent.

“Who. Did. This.” Bucky spoke up, his voice stone cold and metal hand clenched.

“Flash Thompson.” Tony said with a snarl. “He did this to Peter.”

The team groaned, all familiar with that name. They knew that he bothered Peter but never expected him to take things this far. Suddenly Tony saw Bruce stand up and tremble. “Code green?” Tony asked. Bruce nodded fighting to maintain control. “Go!” Tony yelled. Bruce nodded and took off to lock himself in the nearest safe room. Silence followed for a few minutes while everyone looked lost in their thoughts.

“So. What’s the plan?” Natasha looked up with a scary look on her face.

“Plan?” Pepper asked “We cal the police!”

Natasha looked cold and murderous. “Police? POLICE? My ребенок паук was raped and you want to call the police?!”

The two women glares at each other for a minute before Pepper deflated. “No.” She said. “I don’t.”

“So.” Natasha hissed. “Now that that is cleared up, what do we do.”

“What we do best.” Tony remarked. “We avenge him”

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The avengers sat in that room for two hours planning how to make Flash’s life a living hell. They finally had a sold plan. They ultimately came to the conclusion that they couldn’t kill the boy, legal nonsense and whatnot. But they could hurt him before making sure he rots in a jail cell.

First Wanda will make his relive his worst fear so that they know his weak points. Tony will pull strings with all major colleges and corporations making sure this kid never has a decent career. Steve would make an appearance at Midtown to make a fool out of the little punk. After that Nat, Bucky, and Clint would bring the boy to the tower for a little... interrogation. If unnecessary force was used than so be it. Pepper would be handling all the legal proceedings leading up to the kid’s arrest.

The team wanted to get started on the plan immediately but Tony convinced them to wait a day.

“This boy hurt Peter and you really want to wait?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Yes I do.” Tony said bluntly. “Peter needs us more today. “So everyone better get their ass down to med-bay so we can be there for him when he wakes up.”

Everyone nodded at this and they made their way down the three floors as a team. As they rounded the corner towards Peter’s hospital room Helen Cho rushes out of the room to meet them.

“Oh my god Tony I asked Friday what happened so I could assess what caused the panic attack. I’m so sorry.” Helen said frantically.

“How is he doing?” Tony inquired urgently.

“It seems as though his advanced healing is taking effect. The bruising has gone down considerably. As for his other injury I haven’t checked in case he woke up and became more traumatized, but Friday has been giving me regular updates. He’s a tough kid Tony.”

Tony and the rest of the avengers traipsed into the room all finding a place around the teenager’s bed. Tony grabbed Peter’s hand and squeezed. “We’ll get you through this kid” he whispered. “Whatever it takes”.
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It took another fifteen minutes for Peter to wake up. He blearily opened his eyes. He was confused, where was he? He slowly looked around the room and saw his team staring at him silently. Then he felt a pressure in his right hand and saw his dad clutching it like a life line. Suddenly everything came rushing back. Flash, the gun, his dad, the panic attack. He felt tears immediately sting his eyes and turned his face to hide them.

“It’s okay to cry Pete.” Steve said softly. “After everything you just went through god knows you’re entitled to it.”

Peter turned to Tony, disbelief etched in his face. “You told them?” He demanded.

Tony sighed. “Yes kiddo, I did. They’re your family. I need their help to keep you safe.”

Peter mumbled something about not wanting to be a burden.

“Pete you’ll never be a burden. This is what family does. You are so important to us. I don’t know what any of us would’ve done if you had gone trough with killing yourself. I don’t know what I would do.” Tony ended with a small shiver.

“We need you ребенок паук” Natasha said, her voice filled with emotion.

“You need Spider-Man.” Peter said. “Peter Parker is just a dumb kid. Everyone I love dies. My parents! Ben and May! Sooner or later it’ll be you guys. You guys are safer without me.”

“Pete. Stop it.” Steve stated firmly. “We love you. Peter Parker. You’ve helped all of us so much. And you are Spider-Man. Peter and Spidey are one and the same. You are still the same kind selfless boy in the suit and out.”

“Spider-Man would never have let Flash do that.” Peter started crying again. “I jus- I just never wanted that to happen again.”

These words were met with silence as the avengers digested what Peter had just said. Natasha spoke up “Питер please tell me you didn’t just say ‘again’”

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Peter chastised himself for being so careless. Now they would know how weak he was. They’d leave him because he’s broken and has been since age 10. Since the time that Skip hurt him.

“Pete?” Tony asked meekly. Peter looked at his father’s face and somehow felt it give him courage. He needed his dad to understand. Peter didn’t want tony to think that it was his fault that his son had almost taken his life. He didn’t want to ever see that self hating glint in Tony’s eyes ever again.

He felt himself gather the courage to speak. “When I was ten... I had a babysitter named Skip. He told me it was a fun game that all the older kids played.”

Peter saw Pepper, Tony, and Wanda’s eyes fill with tears. Clint and Steve looked horrified while Nat and Bucky looked murderous. They all apparently could tell where this story was headed.

“I told him to stop but he didn’t. It hurt so badly. I told my aunt and uncle what happened and they called the police, but they didn’t believe me. They.. they told me I probably misunderstood, they wouldn’t listen when I told them what he did to me.”

Now all the avengers eyes had darkened with fury. They all knew how incompetent the police were... but this was a whole new level of fucked up.

“He... he used to call me Einstein. Flash called me that today. I could move, I froze.” Peter said ashamed

“Peter look at me” Steve commanded. “Under no circumstances are you to blame yourself for this. We all have things that are our weak spots, our triggers. Freezing is a very understandable response, especially if there is PTSD involved.”

“But-“ Peter started.

“No buts Peter.” Tony cut off. “It’s happened to every single one of us. Not the same situation of course but all of us have something that sets them off.”

Peter looked around the room in skepticism. He didn’t believe it. They were perfect and he was just stupid Peter Parker.

Steve saw the disbelief in Peter’s eyes an spoke up. “Did I ever tell you about the fight that caused the accords?” Peter shook his head. “Rumlow mentioned Bucky’s name and I froze. He detonated a bomb a second later and I didn’t react in time. I’d be dead if Wanda hadn’t saved me.”

Peter was shocked. He didn’t know this. A small glimmer of light peeled through he darkness consuming him. Captain America froze too. And he’s one my biggest heroes, Peter thought. Maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t hate him for what happened.

“So you don’t think I’m a failure?” He asked, daring to hope.

They all called out strong affirmations that no, they did not think he was a failure, or weak. Peter still felt like shit but his self loathing was marginally better, and that was a start.

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Peter was free to leave the med-bay the next day, but the avengers weren’t ready to leave him alone yet. They made sure that someone was with his at all times. Right now it was Wanda and Natasha staying with Peter in his room. Peter was lying with head in Natasha’s lap while she braided Wanda’s long locks. The ‘Scarlett Witch’ was using her magic to gently play with Peter’s curls.

Peter was lost in thought. Once again wallowing in the sadness he had grown accustomed to in the last few days. Natasha seemed to notice how down he looked. She finished off Wanda’s intricate braid and looked down at the young boy.

“What’s going on in that head of yours мое дитя?”

Peter sighed, looking up to meet Natasha’s eyes. He felt guilty for where his thoughts had taken him.

“I-I guess I just wish I could talk to someone who understood the situation I’m in. Not that I wish that one of you went through what I did. God no.” He shivered at the end.

Natasha gave a big sigh. “I’ve been sitting on this for a while мое дитя but I think it’s time to tell you. Only Clint and Wanda know about this.”

Wanda looked up in shock, wondering if Nat was about to say what she thought she was. Peter just looked bewildered.

Natasha continued, “The place I grew up, the red room, they had a certain... initiation ritual. It was meant to keep us in line until we were brainwashed into being deadly assassins. They allowed the supervisors to do whatever they wanted to us. I was fourteen.”

Peter gasped and started to cry softly. Wanda looked at him and smiled sadly before saying “My brother was molested by our uncle when we were six. The police also did nothing to help.”

“I don’t know about the other avengers but we know exactly what you’re going through Peter.” Natasha said gently. “And I can promise you, it will get better. I can’t lie to you and say that the pain will ever fully go away, but it gets so much better. I also attempted to take my life at that time, feeling as though the hurt would never stop, but I’m so glad that I’m still alive мое дитя or else I’d never have met you.”

Peter’s eyes were shining with emotion. He was sad for both of them, but still that little ray of hope inside him grew, and for a moment he believed, that maybe he was going to be okay