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Squip hated the dark, it brought back too many memories, memories that he’d never admit truly frightened him. The bleak overwhelming darkness of the mass shutdown at The Play, watching his fingers and hands dissolve down to code and then float away into the dark. When he had rebooted in the dark was a small illuminated sign reading New Assignment: Accept or Deny. There was a flash of burning white light and then nothing. When he had woken up in his new human body, helplessly crumpled in a snowbank outside of Jeremy’s house, the night sky was as dark and bleak as it had been the first time he died.
Jeremy must have taken pity on his new form when he had limped pathetically into his house and yet again into his life, which is how Squip found himself living in Jeremy’s room or more specifically, his closet.
Squip shook his dark, matted curly hair out of his eyes. He was shivering violently even under the blanket that Jeremy had thrown into the closet for him. He honestly hadn’t expected Jeremy to take him back, but was more terrified of the prospect of losing him. Where would he go, could he go anywhere?
He stared at the closet door, or the approximation of where he believed it was. He felt something in his chest tighten as he stared out. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be safe in Jeremy’s head. He wanted the warm and the constant chatter. Not this. The silence and the dark was overwhelming, enveloping him tightly and closing off his throat to oxygen. His face felt wet. Bringing his hand up to his face he realized he was crying, and that was all it took for the floodgates to open.
A slow wheezy whine escaped his throat and the pain in his chest got so intense he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe and his useless human hands were scratching at the wooden door trying to get out, trying to get anywhere that wasn't so dark. Scrambling for the doorknob he managed to get the door open only to immediately fall face first onto the carpet, tears, snot and now blood mingling on his upper lip in a horrible cacophony of over stimulation. He tried to pick himself up but before he could Jeremy awoke with a start and switched on his bedside lamp.
“Squip?” he called into the room. “What are you doing at this-” Jeremy couldn't finish his sentence. The former supercomputer was on his hands and knees of his floor, face shiny with tears and eyes rimmed red and swollen. He looked like a wreck. Jeremy suppressed an exasperated sigh and got out of bed, walking over and then kneeling beside the shaking body on his floor.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, hoping he sounded more sympathetic than he felt. Jeremy didn't feel bad for the Squip, he probably never could, he reasoned. But seeing him look so pathetic on his floor, Jeremy felt something. The Squip never answered, just flung his arms around Jeremy in a bear hug and shoved his face into his shoulder, sobbing audibly. This took Jeremy by surprise. The body shaking against him was warm and firm and oh so real and very much getting his tshirt soaked. Regardless, Jeremy started to rub what he hoped was soothing circles on the other’s back. Michael had done this several times for him when he was crying and that always seemed to help.
Eventually the tears seemed to slow, leaving Squip hiccuping slightly before pulling away, definitely looking worse than he had before, his black hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and he was squinting through blue and red rimmed eyes. His face was red and blotchy and if it weren't for fear of more tears it would be almost comical to see Squip looking so disheveled. But it wasn't. Jeremy felt his heart hurt just looking at the poor creature in front of him, completely forgetting just what that creature had done in the past.
“Squip, what happened?” Jeremy asked, voice soft and laced with concern. Squip hiccuped then bit his lip. He shifted uncomfortably on the floor before speaking.
“I uh, I had an adverse reaction to the darkness of your closet. It caused an excess amount of adrenaline to flow through my bloodstream triggering my fight or flight reflexes, that is all,” he explained uncomfortably. He refused to make eye contact with Jeremy.
“Are you afraid of the dark?” Jeremy asked genuinely. Squip blushed deeply.
“Preposterous!” he sputtered. “I'm completely incapable of feeling such things. Even if I were it wouldn't be something so trite as a fear of the dark.” Jeremy didn't look convinced and Squip crumpled slightly under his icy gaze.
“I'm afraid to die, Jeremy,” he said at last, voice so small and broken it sounded like he was on the verge of tears again. “I don't want to go back into the dark, I don't want to be shut down. Please. Please don't let me die Jeremy.”
Ignoring his better instincts Jeremy wrapped the former supercomputer into a hug, carding his fingers through his curly hair. He felt the other relax against him and nuzzle his nose into his shoulder.
“I won't let you die Squip,” Jeremy said firmly. “You're gonna get through this, I'll protect you.” The Squip let out a shuddering sigh before proceeding to rub his face on Jeremy’s shoulder and up his neck. Jeremy would be lying if he said it wasn't weird, it objectively was but somehow it fit. Squip would show affection in the same way a cat would and that affection wasn't necessarily unwanted. It was still weird, but nice. His face was soft and his hair tickled Jeremy’s face when he moved his head. Jeremy laughed gently and rubbed his hand down Squip’s back.
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked. Squip looked up at him and he certainly looked better. His electric blue eyes weren't as clouded and his lips were ever so slightly upturned at the corners.
“Maybe,” he replied, looking down at the floor. “Could I- is it possible- that is if you don't mind of course-”
“Just say it,” Jeremy said. “I won't get mad at you for asking a question.” Squip blinked owlishly at him before nodding.
“Of course. I was uh, I hypothesize that by being near you my new body begins to release dopamine and serotonin into my bloodstream. So I believe a good way to test this hypothesis is for, is that,” Squip looked frustrated at the words bubbling nervously up from his throat, his bravado cast aside.
“Do you, uh, do you want to sleep in my bed with me tonight,” Jeremy supplied plainly, trying to keep any nervousness out of his voice. A dark flush ran across Squip’s cheeks, obscuring the smattering of freckles there.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“C-cool,” Jeremy said, before getting up off the floor. His joints cracked as he reached his full height, before bending his knees and extending an arm to the shorter computer below him. Squip shyly took Jeremy’s hand and stood shakily next to him, his new human legs not quite used to supporting actual weight. He led the computer to his bed and they both sat down.
“So do you wanna cuddle or?” Jeremy asked, trailing off. Squip averted his gaze.
“I don’t want to overstep my boundaries more than I have Jeremy, whatever is most comfortable with you.” Jeremy shrugged and gave him a wry grin.
“I like being close to you, you’re warm and stuff,” he said awkwardly and if Jeremy didn’t know better he could have sworn Squip’s eyes began to glow cyan ever so slightly. In the pale light from his lamp Squip looked so otherworldly, all sharp cheekbones, straight jawline and almond shaped eyes contrasting with the pastel of his lips and the softness in his eyes. He was haunting.
“I like being close with you as well Jeremy,” he responded. Jeremy snorted.
“I should hope so, for a few months you were literally inside my brain.” Squip smiled wistfully.
“I was, wasn’t I,” he said. Jeremy yawned slightly and reached over to turn off his lamp.
“Well, goodnight Squip,” he said, snuggling down deep into his comforter.
“Yes, goodnight Jeremy,” he replied, laying down next to him. Squip stared out at Jeremy’s ceiling, unsure of his place in the world. Everything made sense when he was just a voice in Jeremy’s brain, when he knew what his purpose was. Laying here now as a person, laying next to his human, things didn’t feel as cold and the night didn’t seem so dark. He rolled over, face pressed against Jeremy’s chest, and fell asleep.