Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bucky Barnes was out for the evening, shopping for groceries with his boyfriend in the massive department store.

Steve had a leash around Bucky’s wrist and tied to the cart so he wouldn’t lose him. Bucky had a bad habit of wandering and Steve didn’t want to lose him here. The place was new and huge and when Bucky panicked things got....interesting.

He placed Bucky’s right hand on the cart handle. “Hold onto the cart and don’t let go.”

Bucky nodded. “Okay, Steve.”

They started at the pharmacy and got some more diapers for Bucky. 

Bucky looked at them. “I don’t know why I can’t use the pull-ups right now. My body is being stupid.”

“It’s not really your fault,” Steve assured him. “You can’t control it.”

“I was doing better for awhile,” he argued.

“I know,” Steve agreed. He didn’t remind Bucky about what the therapist said.

Bucky had remembered something critical and a blocked part of his mind had opened up. This had caused a flurry of brain activity that was both exhausting and disorienting for Bucky.

Possibly also stress. Steve had been very busy the last week. Bucky had spent more time with Pepper than with Steve. 

Due to this, Bucky wasn’t completely stable. He hovered on the edge of regression and Steve wasn’t sure what the therapist meant by that!

Bucky wandered with him, through the aisles, putting things in the cart, some of which Steve carefully put back when he wasn’t looking. He didn’t think Bucky would ever eat canned anchovies in garlic or spicy ahi tuna flavoured chips. He let him keep some of the sugary cereal and the plush sandwich squeaky dog toy that for some reason caught his eye. Bucky often liked odd things. 

He rubbed the plush toy against his cheek occasionally making it squeak.

Steve did his best to keep him away from prying eyes. A squeaky toy was better than carrying his “blankie” around which he had taken to doing lately. It garnered unwanted attention and had the potential to get lost. He’d taken it to therapy and forgotten it there. 

A temper tantrum and a frantic phone call later had turned up the missing blanket. After that Steve had put a stop to blankie’s outings for fear that it would truly get lost. 

Bucky often seemed disoriented and the blanket grounded him. 

Steve hated to take it away but he couldn’t replace it. He’d tried. A new blanket hadn’t worked. A different fuzzy blanket hadn’t been right either. Bucky only wanted blankie!

Bucky suddenly dropped the dog toy into the cart. “Steve!” He pointed excitedly to a boxed baby bottle someone had left on the wrong shelf in the grocery aisle. 

The Playtex nurser was a bright yellow and had pictures of bears and rocking horses on it. “I like that one!” He looked at Steve with hope. 

Steve started shaking his head. Oh no. No way. 

Last time they were here, Bucky had thrown a fit to get a pacifier.  They had walked through the baby section to get wipes for Bucky. The pacifier had been hanging on the display and Bucky had gone wild with excitement.

Steve had tried to talk him out of it. 

Bucky had gotten absolutely stubborn about it. 

The baby blue pacifier was on his dresser now and he insisted on using it most nights. Especially when he was really tired. 

Steve sighed. 

It was one thing to play with diapers because Bucky needed them anyway. The pacifier he could get past because Bucky sucked his thumb otherwise. He didn’t really want Bucky using a bottle. His mind was already susceptible to regression. He didn’t want to tip him completely into that mindset. “Not today, Buck,” he said gently. 

“But Steeeeve!” He whined. “I....” He thought for a moment. “I want it!”

“Bucky,” Steve said a bit more firmly. “No. I don’t think it will be healthy for you.”

His boyfriend pouted and crossed his arms, refusing to move, looking much more childish than adult. “Want!” He insisted.

“No!” Steve said with a finality. “We’re almost done. Let’s go.” Bucky had a habit of getting like this and it could be frustrating.

Bucky stomped his foot. “WANT!” He yelled, loudly enough that people were starting to look at them. 

Steve squeezed his lips into a thin firm line and glared at Bucky. “Be reasonable!” Bucky was being a brat again and over something this stupid. 

Bucky grabbed the box off the shelf. “Mine!” He stood there like an overgrown, petulant toddler, gripping the nurser box and glaring at Steve. He flung a box of snacks to the floor. People started whispering. 

Aware of the attention they were starting to attract, Steve tried one last thing. “You wanted this too.” He picked up the abandoned dog toy, shaking it in Bucky’s face. 

Bucky shook his head and slapped it onto the shelf where the bottle had been, still hugging the bottle. “I want this now!”

Steve groaned and gave up. Maybe Bucky would forget about it and he could hide it. He’d purposely stayed OUT of the baby section this time to AVOID this.  He grabbed the bottle and buried it under some other things. He and Bucky were going to have a talk at home! 

Bucky hurried after him to get the last few things and followed him to the counter. “Why are you mad, Steve?” He asked.

Steve took a deep breath. “Not mad. Frustrated. Bucky; big boys don’t use....bottles,” he said, ending on a whisper.

Bucky stuck his lower lip out. “Big boys don’t wear-“ he began loudly before Steve clapped a hand over his mouth tightly. 

Bucky struggled and then nipped his hand with his teeth.

Steve pulled his hand away quickly. “Don’t! Bite!” He said sharply giving Bucky a firm look. “I know what you were going to say. This conversation is going to wait till we’re in the car.”

Bucky sulked all the way through the checkout. 

The clerk smiled at him. “Is someone having a bad day?” She asked, apparently thinking Bucky was more special needs than he was. She held a lollipop out to Steve. “Would he like this?”

“He’s-“ Steve began, then let it go, taking the lollipop. “Thanks.” He paid for their groceries and they went to the car, where Steve put the groceries in the trunk while Bucky noisily sucked the lollipop. He rolled his tongue around it lazily then slurped the sweetness off.

“Can you be any noisier?” Steve asked sarcastically. Some days it was so hard to be patient even though he knew that it was the head trauma that made Bucky act this way. 

Bucky shrugged. He got in the car, fastened his seatbelt and waited for Steve to say something.

They were halfway home before Steve said, “I think I’ve let you get away with too much lately. I’m your caregiver as well as your boyfriend and your behaviour today suggests that you need some discipline.”

Bucky frowned. “No! I don’t like being punished! I’m a good boy!” 

Steve’s eyebrows jumped up. “Good? Is that what that little display was at the store?”

Bucky thought that over for several blocks. “You weren’t listening!”

“Who’s the boss, Buck?” Steve asked. 

Bucky growled a little and snarked. “You!”

Steve smiled a little. “We established that almost two years ago. It’s what you wanted when the government said you needed a permanent caregiver. Has that changed? You want someone else?”

Bucky sighed heavily. “No. Sometimes I just need to challenge you to make sure that you still care.  I’ve hardly seen you lately.”

Steve nodded. “I know. Between you being at therapy and me being gone a few days, it’s been tough. But you know if you challenge me I will step in.”

“I know,” Bucky said. 

Steve nodded. He pulled the car into the parking garage. “Help me carry the groceries.”

Bucky grabbed the bag with his bottle and a few more bags and followed Steve to the elevator. 

Steve said nothing until the groceries were put away. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to indulge you. If this is what you really want then we will try it. I make the rules though.”

Bucky wanted to ask what he was indulging him in but he had a vague feeling he knew. 

“I need you to go to bed now so I can get ready.” 

Bucky got his pajamas on and let Steve tuck him in. “Okay. Good night.”

“Ninight,” Steve said softly, putting his pacifier in his mouth. 

Bucky fell asleep before Steve came to bed. 

When he woke the next morning, Steve was already awake. 

“Strip,” he said, his voice commanding. 

Bucky looked at him in question, then obediently stripped to his diaper. 

Steve said. “You want to pretend to be a baby, we’ll do that. That means no talking, no walking, no food except your bottle or puréed food. If you want something you need to cry until I figure it out. And no sex. You still want to do that? Safeword is still standard. But once you out, we’re done. Is that clear?” 

Bucky’s heart was beating fast. He’d guessed right. Steve hadn’t even let him play with the bottle last night. What Steve was proposing sounded kind of fun. He’d been secretly going on ageplay websites. He nodded. “Okay.”

“Anything you want to say before we start?” Steve asked, taking the diaper and the wipes.

Bucky looked at him, eyes wide with nervous anticipation. He shook his head. 

“Safe word?” Steve asked more gently.

“Haven,” he said immediately. 

“Alright. As of now, you are Baby Bucky.” Steve put the pacifier in his mouth again and carefully lay him on the bed. He took his diaper off. “My wittwe boy is so cute!” He crooned, baby talking and making Bucky blush. 

Bucky shivered at the coolness of the wipes but said nothing. He jerked a little when he felt a cool cream being spread on his ass and balls.”

“My poor baby has a rash,” Steve murmured. He powdered Bucky liberally with baby powder until there was a cloud of powdery fog making Bucky sneeze. 

Steve fastened the diaper and pulled a T-shirt over Bucky’s head, keeping an arm behind him. “That’s my good boy.”

Once Steve had the T-shirt and a pair of socks on him, he hoisted Bucky onto his hip. “My baby had good seepies.” He kissed Bucky’s forehead. 

Bucky was a little embarrassed by the baby talk. He liked it but it felt weird.

Steve propped several pillows around him to “keep him upright” on the living room floor, then went to the kitchen after turning the tv to a toddler show. 

Bucky was about to get up and reach for the remote when he remembered he could only crawl and Steve had put it up out of reach. He didn’t want to watch Paw Patrol. “St-“ Right. He wasn’t allowed to talk. He felt silly crying so he sat and sulked until Steve came back. 

“My baby has grumpies?” Steve asked in surprise, pulling him onto his lap. “My Bucky boy is probably hungry. Here’s your bottle, baby.” He took the pacifier and put it on the side of the couch. 

Bucky took the bottle in his hands, excited to use it. It wasn’t regular milk though. He wondered what Steve had put in it. It was a little sweet and had another taste he couldn’t place. 

It was only then, he noticed the adult sized bouncy chair. Where the hell had Steve found that??! He couldn’t even ask! He drank the milk and whined when it was empty.

“We don’t want you getting sick, sweetie,” Steve said. He carried Bucky to the chair and put him in it. It was actually really comfortable. Steve snapped the restraints shut, gave him his paci and kissed his forehead again. “Be a good boy and watch the show for a bit while daddy has breakfast.”

Bucky whined a little, but Steve didn’t come back. He kicked his legs, disgruntled, and the chair rocked gently.  Distracted, he did it again, giggling around his pacifier. 

Bucky stayed in the bouncy chair going between half dozing and getting his exercise, making it rock by kicking his legs for most of the morning. 

Steve came back eventually and checked his diaper. “My baby is very wet!” He carried Bucky to the bedroom and changed him again. 

Bucky figured  it had to be lunch time. He was hungry! He whined and reached for Steve.

“Baby hungry?” Steve asked, kissing his nose. “Let’s get you fed.” He carried Bucky to the kitchen where there was a bar stool height chair with a five point harness for Bucky beside the table. His regular chair was missing. 

Bucky sat obediently and let Steve latch the restraints. He fingered them, but they didn’t pop open. He was locked in!

A bib was tied around his neck and Steve got a bowl of....something. 

Bucky hesitantly opened his mouth for the spoon. It wasn’t bad. Pasta and tomato sauce. 

He was hungry enough he could overlook the texture of the purée.  It filled his tummy. He was used to eating a healthy sized breakfast and today he’d only had the milk. He wondered if Steve had put something in the milk to make him lazy. 

He finished the food and decided to pull a baby stunt and grabbed at the spoon with a grin. 

Steve smiled and gave him the spoon to play with. “There you go,dumplin’,” Steve chuckled. 

Bucky blew a raspberry, then purposely dropped the spoon. He made a noise and pointed to it.

Steve picked it up and gave it to him. 

Bucky waited until Steve was at the counter, the dropped it again. “Aah!” He reached for it unsuccessfully. 

Steve laughed. “Are we gonna play 21 pick up? You’re a stinker.” He tapped Bucky’s nose and gave him the spoon again. 

He sucked on it for a minute then got bored, tossing it on the floor again. He pushed it away when Steve tried to give it back to him.

 Steve carried him back to the living room and put him in the bouncy chair again. He gave him his blankie and a bottle. “You have your milk and a nap, darling.”

Bucky almost groaned when Steve turned on Dora the Explorer. He drank the milk, pulling blankie over his head. At some point he must have fallen asleep for awhile. 

When he woke up Dora was over and the Backyardigans were on. He didn’t really watch. 

He busied himself examining the locks on the restraints. 

He was getting bored. Being a baby wasn’t all that entertaining.  Ni Hao Kai Lan came on. He sighed. 

To his dismay, his stomach suddenly cramped. That was an all too familiar feeling. He whined. Steve didn’t come. He wiggled a little but the restraints were snug. 

He whined louder.  Would Steve come? He hoped so! 

He did. “What do you want, baby?”

Bucky made desperate noises, hoping Steve would understand. 

Steve smiled calmly. “Babies are too little to use the potty.”

Bucky looked at him, wide eyed. He hadn’t considered this.... he didn’t want to safeword out yet....but it would be very embarrassing to have Steve change him! Obviously Steve had thought of this because he’d known right away what Bucky was trying to say. 

Steve went back to the kitchen to prep dinner. 

Bucky wiggled again, trying to make the need go away.  It didn’t go away.  It was getting worse. He clenched tighter, fighting the urge. Being a baby wasn’t as easy or as fun as he’d thought it would be! He wasn’t having fun anymore. He didn’t want to mess his diaper. Should he safeword? Would he have time to get to the bathroom? He had almost decided to when he felt the first intense wave of urgency break his tight hold.

He wailed when his body gave in to the need. The cry was real this time. He had no choice now. He grunted and finished but he wasn’t happy!

Steve came in with a clean diaper and wipes. “My baby boy is tinky!” 

Bucky felt the tears well up in his eyes and run down his cheeks. 

Steve lay him on the floor. “Such a messy boy!” He cleaned him gently and put a dry diaper on him.

Bucky’s tears fell heavier. 

“Hey,” Steve said softly. “Why are you still crying?”

Bucky launched himself into Steve’s lap. “I don’ wanna be a baby anymore! Only if I can move around and talk to you and stuff. It’s boring! I don’t want to use my safe word cuz I wasn’ scared but I want to have time with you! Not watching tv!”

“So in other words, you want to have my permission to be a brat without any consequences.” Steve laughed.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Bucky blushed, then laughed a little. “I guess I’m not so good at being little.”

Steve took a deep breath. “Okay. At least now you know it’s not really your thing. I talked to your therapist. She said it’s okay to enjoy things like your paci and a bottle and diapers, even if you don’t act like a baby.” Steve brushed a thumb over Bucky’s wet cheek. “Or to act like a baby or a toddler for little bits of time. If you want to, if it makes you feel good.”

Bucky looked at him. “That sounds like more fun!”

“You’re not having a bottle every night though,” Steve cautioned. “It’s not good for your teeth.” 

“Five nights?” Bucky wheedled. 

“No,”Steve said. 

“C’mon,” Bucky begged. “I like my baba.”

”Baba, eh?” Steve asked, shaking his head.

Bucky blushed. “Sorry. Bottle.”

Steve chuckled. “We’ll see.”

He looked into Bucky’s gorgeous, blue eyes. There was a reason his boy got away with everything. He couldn’t often say no to him. As long as Bucky didn’t figure that out though, Steve was good.