Chapter Text

As long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine

A little artificial light went on in the room that was full of dark. Just a few seconds later, those four walls weren’t only full of light but also of music, a jingle that was supposed to be delicate and relaxing to listen to, but the early morning hour - God, it was only 6:30 am! – transformed it in a loud and annoying sound. Suddenly, a hand came out of the covers and gropingly turned off the alarm and the sound faded. He listened to that jingle every damned morning from more than a month; that exams’ session was going to kill him and who knows if getting the degree could be a goal to reach in a short time. After some silent minutes, the covers flew off the bed and the boy, obviously still half asleep, sit on the bed. A yawn, then a second, and a third one. Arms and back were stretched and then the legs set in motion, heading towards the window. He raised the shutter, opened the glass and took a big breath of fresh air, watching the weather outside: he no longer relied on the weather app on his cellphone; now he used to get up, look outside the window and guess what weather was going to hit him in the face once he left home. That day the sun was shining brightly in the sky despite it was nearly December and only a few days before it snowed, in Seoul. The boy was meteoropathic so he felt heavy the presence of the sun rather than the rain or the snow or every other weather condition. If the sun was bright in the sky and the sunshine hit his face, he always got up in a good mood. After some time spent watching the landscape outside the room’s window, he went in the bathroom and took a very fast and invigorating shower, then he put on the clothes he left on his chair the night before. Precisely at 7 o’clock the boy was ready to go out and have breakfast in the same café near his house where he always went to and that he now considered a must. Like he did every single morning, he ordered a chocolate brioche, a macchiato and a glass of pear juice, enjoying the moment for himself, checking the phone and his various social networks’ notifications. He was happy ‘cause his last work received a lot of positive comments and critics: he wrote it during the night without any kind of expectation, but it is known that for writers the darkest hours are also the more prolific ones. After he ate, drank and paid the bill, he kindly greeted the bartender – who became his friend – and then left the café to reach the place that was his next destination: the library. He went there every morning and with time that place came to represent a sort of safe spot for the boy, a place where he could feel relaxed and ready to open his books – sometimes also use his laptop – and study for hours and hours without losing focus. He had to pass all his exams, ‘cause he didn’t want to stay behind compared to others – he hated that idea with all his heart – and he was so close to graduation that he could not allow himself to fail, not even a single exam.

«Changkyun, good morning» whispered a girl with a tall pile of books in the arms walking near him. The boy shared with her a large and kind smile while taking off his scarf and bowing his head politely. Her name was Sharlyn, one of the librarians who worked in that place and the one that Changkyun met the first time he asked for a book about ancient Greece. She asked him what faculty he was attending and then, suddenly, they found themselves immersed in a philosophical discourse about science and literature, about how everyone should choose their own path in life and studies, without feeling obliged by something or someone else. Time passed by and Changkyun and Sharlyn grew from strangers to such good friends that they became to meet also outside those walls full of book and silence, despite they both considered that place like home.

«Good morning to you, Sharlyn. Got some news for me?»

«Nothing new, my dear. You always come here too early for the gossips! Maybe if you’ll ask me again… Let’s say at noon… Well, maybe you’ll find some news.»

Changkyun smiled at her once again and then walked past the girl to reach his usual spot, one that was a little bit more isolated from the rest. He always had to go through a lot of corridors and stairs to get there, precisely in the ancient books department: those ones could not be borrowed, but only consulted on the spot. Not that Changkyun particularly loved that kind of books – maybe he could only say he loved the smell that came from them – but there was something else that…

«Ehy there, good morning.»

… There was him. Hyunwoo.

That boy started working there, in the library, only some weeks before, but from the first time Changkyun saw that guy he was immediately fascinated, so that he got up early every morning just to see him as soon as possible and try to talk to him, but as soon as their eyes met, Kyun felt his face on fire and suddenly he couldn't speak anymore. And that was the exact situation, that morning. Hyunwoo greeted him smiling sweetly and Changkyun felt his throat dry instantly and it was so dried that he couldn’t even say “good morning” to the guy standing before him. His lips opened in a slight smile and his cheeks became so red that they were clearly visible. He quickly lowered his gaze, coughing, and he went to sit down at the usual place passing him at the speed of light. He felt so stupid every time, ‘cause despite he was a twenty-two-year-old man he panicked whenever the librarian spoke to him.

Hyunwoo he had understood immediately that the boy was a regular guest, so he soon had started to greet him without too much trouble, in a rather friendly way - considering that they were about the same age - but Changkyun always ran away with an embarrassed expression on his face.
Probably he gave him a really bad impression, the impression of being unpleasant and not wanting to talk to him, but the reality was far from it: Changkyun was only extremely shy with the people he liked. He knew very little about Hyunwoo. He only knew that the boy attended the faculty of ancient letters – while Changkyun was studying the modern once – and that he loved Shakespeare. Of course, he discovered those information with Sharlyn’s precious help. The girl started to investigate the new boy in the library as soon as she noticed her friend’s interest in him and when Changkyun finally admitted he liked the guy, she revealed everything she knew about him. It was like some kind of conspiracy made by two teenagers to figure out who was the most quoted in the school. Absurd! Hilarious and also embarrassing, but Changkyun remained but Changkyun remained stuck every time even though he now had some arguments in his hands to talk with Hyunwoo.

(…)

Five hours passed by and Changkyun had studied two entire chapters of “General Linguistics”. That book was hella thick. He stretched, looking around him: the library was filled with people from quite a few hours, but he wasn’t looking for some random stranger, he was looking for one specific person. When Changkyun spotted him bent over a shelf, he lost himself looking at his back, his broad shoulders, his t-shirt that had risen, allowing a glimpse of his lower back. That, and the upper part of his boxers. Black boxers. The twenty-two-year-old boy struggled and nearly drowned with his own saliva, turned away and looked back at the computer screen with a flushed face. He constantly felt like he was living in a dream, a dream where there was him, Hyunwoo, who was inevitably unattainable but it was obvious whose fault it was: Changkyun’s and nobody else’s. Every time he tried to get near him it was chaos, it was hell. Suddenly, a thud caught him off guard and Changkyun turned again in Hyunwoo’s direction, noticing that one book had fallen from his arms to the ground. The librarian kept in his hands a huge pile of history manuals, or maybe geography, Changkyun could not see them well but they were definitely poised: as soon as he saw a moment of hesitation, he got up quickly and went to him, holding the books from the other side. The younger raised his gaze and met Hyunwoo’s eyes, clearly surprised.

«Oh… Thanks, Changkyun. I always tend to do more than I can…» he murmured, letting some books get off the stack and taking advantage of the other to hold it steady «If these manuals get hurt, I’ll definitely get fired. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your study.»

Obviously, Changkyun’s cheeks were on fire, but the boy still tried to speak: «y-you didn’t bother me… I was taking a break. I’m studying from this morning.»
«Why do you always come here so early?»

Battleship hit and sunk.

«Because I don’t know if I’ll… Find some free desks, if I come later. I live far from here.»

And that wasn’t entirely a lie, either: to get to the library it took at least forty minutes by bus and for that reason he had to get off the bed early so he could get there and sit wherever he wanted – aka his usual spot. ‘Cause if he perhaps went to the library and couldn’t get to sit in H I S spot, he could seriously go crazy. When Changkyun was kicked out of his comfort zone everything for that boy suddenly became difficult and he became to pretend he wasn’t uncomfortable with the situation, failing miserably. For that motive when he tried to talk to Hyunwoo, every single one of his mental faculties failed to function. It was chaos, inside his brain.

«Isn't there a library closer than this? Really?»

Kyun’s head shook. No lies: the closest library to his home was the one he visited every morning, ‘cause all the others were much further away. One of his hands slipped on a book and the boy didn’t realize that with that simple move, his hand would have landed exactly on one of Hyunwoo’s hands. Surprised, Changkyun jumped backward knocking the books, which he had kept in his palms until now, ruinously to the ground.

«Ah, fuck… fuck!» cursed Changkyun with a low voice, leaning forward to quickly grab the books he had dropped. That time also, he made a mistake: he didn’t think about anything, and his forehead clashed with the other’s. Could that day go on without troubles and could he at least do ONE thing without ruining everything?
«Oh my… God. Hyunwoo, I’m so sorry. Maybe it would be better if I… Leave. I didn’t mean to…»

«Breathe,» the oldest murmured, placing his hand on the panicked boy’s face. «It’s all right. Why don’t you go to the bar and wait for me there, so we can take a break together and you can… Relax, a little bit?»

Without saying anything else, Changkyun only nodded and got up, then he ran away to the library’s bar. When he was there and he was alone again, he leaned with his forehead against the wall, with a hand on his heart: it was beating very fast, as if it wanted to get out of his rib cage and naturally join Hyunwoo. It was literally screaming ‘do what you want with me, I’m completely yours!’, ‘cause he trusted the oldest even if he didn’t know him well. Hyunwoo had a kind and sweet soul, he was so cute and humble that Changkyun got himself lost looking at him from the first time he saw him. They talked rarely, but every time it was like Changkyun didn’t want to leave him, like he wanted to stay with that boy forever and talk with him about everything and nothing. He moved away from the wall to prevent anyone from seeing him and thinking that he was an idiot, and leaned on it again but with his back this time, returning to breath better – or at least, trying to do so. It wasn’t easy. He realized he panicked even for the slightest things, messing everything up when his intention, however, was to help the oldest with that stack of books.

«Ehy, I’m here. Would you like a coffee? Something to eat, maybe?»

The library’s bar wasn’t a real bar. It consisted of three vending machines: one for hot drinks, one for water, coke and sprite, and the last one for snacks.

«A… A coffee, please.» He took a deep breath. «and a chocolate bar,» he then added.

«You like chocolate? I love it, literally. And I mean every type of chocolate: dark, milk, white… it doesn’t matter. If it’s chocolate, I love it.»

That was new, for Changkyun. A new detail about Hyunwoo that he didn’t know until that moment. Funny, ‘cause the youngest could have easily associated the other one with chocolate: he didn’t know if it was intentional, but Hyunwoo’s outfits tended to always be in the shades of brown or beige, and even his hair was brown. Also, Changkyun thought Hyunwoo was as sweet as chocolate was. Who didn’t like chocolate, anyway? He observed the older boy insert some coins in the machine, wait for the coffee to be ready, take it and give it to –

«uhh?»

«Take it. You said you wanted a coffee, right?»

«Yeah, but—»

«On the house.»

Changkyun flushed, but he took the little white plastic cup and thanked him with a simple smile and a light touch of fingers on that soft hand. Who knows if it was sweetly scented like the rest of the body. His clothes, or rather the scent that came from him, was… Sweet.

«Anyway…» Changkyun talked again. «… Yep, I like chocolate, but I’m not that fond of the dark one. I prefer milk chocolate, or white chocolate. I like sweet things. But I admit I don’t dislike salted food, they have their charm…»

«That’s true! You cannot say no to pizza!»

(…)

That meeting lasted about twenty minutes and then Hyunwoo had to leave everything and come back to work, saying to Changkyun that, however, he would have liked to take the next breaks in his presence. Changkyun’s ears were on fire, but he nodded and agreed. He would have agreed with anything he would have asked.

That day he came back home with the biggest smile on his face, happy to have taken a step towards him, getting closer. It wasn’t something spectacular but at least now he knew more about him. Like the model student he was, he sat in front of his desk and began to write on a block notes.

- He likes every kind of chocolate.
- He crazily loves pizza with peppers and pepperoni.
- Brown is his color. He said that.
- Loves Latin and Greek, but he thinks Latin is far easier than Greek.
- He chose ancient letters only to challenge himself, but now he really likes to study them.

That were the new information he learned about Hyunwoo. Changkyun smiled looking and that small list of things and then he slept, finally with a smile on his face and less stress than usual.

(…)

His everyday routine didn’t change at all, but the more days passed the more Changkyun and Hyunwoo got closer, even if the younger boy often preferred to only look at the other without talking to him, always ‘cause of his shy soul that killed his courage every damn time. One month passed, then two, then three months, and Changkyun was falling in love with Hyunwoo more and more. He fell for his eyes, then for that plump lips of his, for his neck, for that broad shoulders, that gorgeous ass – he dreamed about it at night, literally. He also dreamed about having Hyunwoo above him. In somewhat disrespectful places, even… But he couldn’t help it.

One day, Changkyun took a post-it and began to write on it something really specific: “I would not wish any companion in the world but you”. It was a Shakespeare quote. And on another post-it (four post-its, to be precise), he wrote a poem he loved a lot, one of Pablo Neruda’s ones.

“I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. ”

He bit his lips, trying to understand if it was proper, or it was too much, if something was wrong, but nothing forbade him to do it. He thought about two months before, about how he couldn’t ever look at his face properly, and about how he now was… risking so much only ‘cause he loved him so much. When he spotted Hyunwoo step away from the shelves and go to another part of the library, he quickly ran toward the spot the other just left and stuck the post-its on the books and then, again, he returned to his desk, pretending he did nothing. He didn’t look towards that spot anymore. One minute passed, then a second, a third… Five minutes and so on. Ten minutes later Changkyun suddenly felt the light touch on his shoulder, the touch of a hand he surely knew whose was. It lasted a second, then it got away and he felt nothing more. So he naturally reached his shoulder with a hand and touched the shirt’s fabric. There was a post-it on it. His heart winced in fear, terror even, but also surprise and happiness. He noticed them, he noticed his post-its. He took the one Hyunwoo left on his shirt and gently put it on the desk. It took some second to him to take courage and take a look at it.

He recognized well what was written on that post-it: a small but precise writing, pretty.

“But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.”

It was exactly the last verse of Neruda’s poem. When Changkyun rose his gaze, he saw Hyunwoo disappear behind a shelf full of books. He quickly stood up – too quickly, so quickly he nearly fell – and went after him, suddenly finding himself clashing against his body with his own, because he was convinced that Hyunwoo was already far away and he could turn that corner safely. He was mistaken.

«S-shit. Sorry.»

He tried to say something else, but Hyunwoo smiled at him and spoke first.

«And as long as you live it will be in your arms…»

«…Without leaving mine.»

And without further hesitation, Changkyun kissed him.

Chapter Text

As long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine

A few months passed since that first kiss and during that time both of them learned a lot about the other and about who they really were. Changkyun, who was shyer than the other boy, made older learn about him more slowly, giving him little information day after day with an embarrassed smile and those cute dimples that Hyunwoo always wanted to touch with a finger only to have fun. Their dates brought to a real and genuine love story started in a library and went on like both of them were just waiting for that. Hyunwoo already had some relationships before the one with Changkyun – and the latter suspected it from the beginning – but those obviously didn’t have a good end, mainly because of his partners: he was betrayed twice and the third time, and that had been his longest relationship, his partner broke up with him out of the blue and without an explanation. Changkyun found out the other boy wasn’t a huge fan of skinship, so when Hyunwoo kissed him on the lips or the neck, or even when he lightly caressed him in public, it meant that his partner really wanted to do it and those little attentions were natural and spontaneous. They both loved literature, paid a lot of attention to details, to each other’s expressions and emotions, only to be the more caring they could and make no mistakes.

The younger boy was madly in love with Hyunwoo. During those months his feelings grew up to become really deep and that happened thanks to gestures and moments that other people could judge as unusual and strange but that he loved crazily. For example, they often lied on the bed next to each other, reading paragraphs from their favorite books only to share their opinion and comment them together. When Hyunwoo stayed for some days at Changkyun’s and brought with him some of his books, something really funny happened: they found out they had a lot of books in common, sometimes even in the same edition, and that suggested to the younger boy that Hyunwoo really was his person, the right one. A long time before, he somewhere read that if two people moved in together and they realized they had the same books in the library, then they were perfect for each other. Changkyun smiled deeply at the thought of it and when Hyunwoo asked him what the reason was, he blushed and kissed Hyunwoo on the lips only to avoid answering that question. The bond they were building together was one of the best that Changkyun could ever imagine. He had been too focused on his studies, to the point that he was only caring for books and for nothing else. Meeting Hyunwoo in that libraryhad been a real blessing he never thought he could receive, but now that he had him, now that they were together, he asked himself if that coincidence had actually been fate. He rarely believed in fate or things of that sort before, but now he thought it was even romantic and that made his heart race even more.

Hyunwoo, on the other hand, always said he wasn’t the romantic type but in reality, he was. When he woke up to go to work, he left little post-its everywhere in the house, like some sort of path to follow: on those post-its, he wrote short poems or extracts from books they had read together, so Changkyun could wake up with a sweet and huge smile on his face. When he was working and the other went to the library, their gazes always looked for each other and it was really hard for them to hide it. They looked each other for afar until one of them gave up and then they found themselves kissing behind some random bookshelf. Just like that day.

«H—Hyung…»

Hyunwoo bit deeply Changkyun’s neck, blocking him between his muscular body and the bookshelf behind him, while one of his hands grabbed his thigh to draw him closer. Changkyun wasn’t the type to stay silent during those intimate moments but it was quite obliged to do that in that moment because they weren’t alone in that library and the place was so silent they could have been found out at any moment.

«What… What time do you get off – off work?» asked Changkyun, thrusting his hips on Hyunwoo’s. One thing they often talked about but never tried, was the actual sex: they always stopped after the foreplay, because Changkyun wasn’t ready and Hyunwoo wanted to respect his pace, but after all they were two hormonal teenagers so it was normal for them having the desire to always try new things.

«Six o’clock… Are you gonna wait for me? I’ll take you out for dinner.»

While saying that, Hyunwoo’s hand stopped on the other boy’s crotch, surprising him and making him moan a little bit too loudly. Changkyun flushed, trying to restrain himself, but that was easier to say than to do, when Hyunwoo was literally showering him with all those sexual attentions. He couldn’t answer and the situation worsened when Hyunwoo got on his knees and unbuttoned Changkyun’s belt.

«W—What, what are you doing? We’re in the library…»

«Try not to be loud.»

Hyunwoo gulped Changkyun’s boner, which was already evident and pretty hot, immediately starting to suck it fastly, to make him cum as quickly as possible: he wanted to enjoy everything, that was obvious, but he also knew they were in a risky situation because if they happen to be found out, they would certainly have gotten into trouble. So, he moved as fast as possible, squeezing hard on one of Changkyun’s buttocks hoping he could hold back those moans that only Hyunwoo could hear. Changkyun came quickly and Hyunwoo was careful to lick off every trace of cum. The younger boy was exhausted, so much that he had to hold on Hyunwoo’s wide shoulders tightly to avoid falling on the floor and make other noises. It wasn’t used to all that and doing it at home, in total relax, or doing it in a public place, feeling a lot of pressure, was really different.

«You can go back to your studies, now»and with a last sly gaze, Hyunwoo disappearedbetween the bookshelves.

Changkyun waited for him until his boyfriend was off work, like a loyal puppy does with his master, and he was really hyped for the evening, which was certainly going to be unforgettable. He put away his books, fixed his backpack and then stood in front of the entrance, waiting for the other to come. He was in the middle of writing a message to one of his friends when Hyunwoo put the arms around his hips, hugging him tightly from behind and kissing the nape of his neck with a light sigh.

«I’m glad you waited for me. Let’s go to dinner, shall we?»

It was clearly too early to go eat, but it took them a lot of time to reach the city center using the public transports. Well, it wasn’t a problem: Changkyun particularly liked to use that free time to look at Hyunwoo and say to himself how lucky he was to have him, how lucky it was that he could kiss him and hug him. Changkyun hoped it had not been a big problem for him to wait, but he finally felt ready to make love with him. He decided to surprise him that night and Hyunwoo’s dinner proposal felt to him like it was fate. Once they arrived to the city center, Hyunwoo chose to eat in a fast food, where they could eat their favorite foods without restraint. Hyunwoo liked junk food particularly; after all he went to the gym for a reason: not only to be muscular, but also to eat all that he wanted without getting fat!

As always, dinner was perfect: they chatted, hugged, kissed and smiled all the time. It was always like that between them and Changkyun was really happy to see Hyunwoo being so comfortable around him. He remembered their first dates, when the older boy always preferred not to stay too close to him, even not to touch him; now, Hyunwoo held their hands right after they met, intertwining their fingers like it was something natural to do. After all, it was like that in a relationship: each of them learned from the other. They talked about their day although the story was almost the same for both, considering that they spent it in the same place; Hyunwoo reassured Changkyun about his next exam, encouraging him gently. Thanks to him, the younger could feel calmer and more relaxed about university, something that usually made him anxious and nervous. Despite studying a lot, he knew an exam could go wrong anyway.

They also held hands while walkingto Changkyun’s house. After they arrived, Hyunwoo said to his boyfriend he wanted to take a shower. That was the right moment for Changkyun to act bravely.

«Wanna… Wanna do that… Together?» he murmured while his face got completely red, trying to look in Hyunwoo’s eyes and not avoid them. The latter raised an eyebrow, surprised: it was the first time that Changkyun asked him something like that despite they were dating for five months now.

«You mean… Together?»

His boyfriend’s body wasn’t something new to him, because they already saw each other naked – they did foreplay after all – but Changkyun’s voice that time was different. When Hyunwoo saw how embarrassed he was while nodding to answer his question, he smiled to him and took his hand to walktowards the bathroom together; he started to get Changkyun’s clothes off, kissing him slowly to make him comfortable. Every time they breathed, a piece of clothe fell on the floor and in a matter of seconds they were naked in front of each other. At that point, Hyunwoo turned on the sink and when the water felt hot enough, he entered the shower inviting his boyfriend to do the same. Changkyun shivered, but got in the shower right after the other, immediately standing on tiptoes so he could kiss his boyfriend’s full lips, sucking and biting on them a little nervously. Hyunwoo grabbed his hips and pushed him against the cold tiles behind him; that made Changkyun moan in surprise, but Hyunwoo didn’t stop with that: he made him climb on himself, Changkyun’s thighs steadily gripped around his hips. He liked that position a lot.

«Chang, are you sure…?»

«Yes. Yes, I’m sure. I want to… I wanna make love with you…»

A shiver ran through his spine when he saw Hyunwoo smiling, his eyes teary, happy to know that time finally arrived. Changkyun wanted to let him know he was ready, totally ready for everything that Hyunwoo was going to do to him. He trusted his boyfriend.

«Let me take care of you.»

And that was the best night of their lives.