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Chapter Text

Taemin didn't believe in magic, he wasn't superstitious, but there was one time in his life when he seriously questioned if he had just been bewitched.

It happened at his best friend's place in summer and Taemin didn't see it coming at all. Of course, he had been looking forward to going over to Jongin's for weeks. 

After all, he had been friends with the fellow dancer since their first year of middle school, yet he had never seen his home before although they both lived in the same city. 

Taemin and Jongin met at a boarding school. They both arrived there on the first day, scared and shaking at the thought of being on their own surrounded by people they had never seen before, strangers. By chance, they were paired up to sit next to each other by their homeroom teacher and at first, Taemin couldn't believe it - what were the odds that, at one of the most prestigious boarding schools of South Korea that was casting people from all over the country, he would meet a boy who was from the same area, the same suburb of Seoul as he was.

Taemin and Jongin were, much to their surprise, connected by so much more than their hometown. They actually shared the same passion for dancing, which had driven both of them to take the entrance exam of the boarding school. Beside all of its academic courses, which had an excellent reputation, it offered some of if not the best dancing classes for middle schoolers in South Korea. 

Needless to say, Jongin and Taemin had no problems getting along.

From the first week on, it felt like they had known each other forever. They soon became the dream couple of their grade, except they were never attracted to each other, no matter what the rumors said. Their fellow students liked to whisper about the two, be it because they were undeniably joined at the hip or because Jongin soon grew into very handsome boy while Taemin was still cursed with a round face and squishy cheeks.

Truth be told, he hated his looks.

Taemin did not understand how Jongin, who was younger than him by more than half a year, could look so mature when he himself was stuck with thin and gangly limbs that didn't fit his dancer image and the worst kind of baby face. It was only in the winter after he had finished middle school that Taemin's face started to mature and thin out.

Coincidentally, that was the same winter he was supposed to visit Jongin's house for the first time. Despite their closeness and their families residing in the same place, Taemin had never been over at Jongin's, mostly due to the fact that his family liked to go on extraordinary and expensive trips to tropical islands whenever he was home for the holidays. In their second year, Jongin had stayed at Taemin's home for a whole week, but apart from that they only saw each other at school where they shared a room and a desk. 

Therefore, it was only natural for Taemin to be excited about his visit. He had imagined over and over how Jongin's house would look, how they would sit at the table and eat together and - most importantly - how such scenarios would soon become normal. 

They had just finished middle school and since the academy only offered courses for people between the ages of 12 and 15, they had to look for a high school to transfer to. Luckily, Taemin and Jongin managed to get into the same one, a little institute in the outskirts of Seoul that had a dance crew and offered special training to students who wanted to join competitions.

However, both of them would move back home since their high school was no boarding school. Considering they lived so close to each other, though, Taemin doubted it would make a huge difference.

The day he was supposed to visit Jongin, Taemin paid special attention to his attire. He had never met his best friend's dad before and didn't want to step in front of him looking like some teen delinquent.

In retrospect, Taemin knew just how lucky he was to have dressed so well - though he didn't know what he had gotten himself into until he turned up at Jongin's front door. The boy opened the door with a bright smile and pulled Taemin inside quickly.

“C'mon, I have my PlayStation ready!“

“How did your skin get even tanner since I've last seen you?“ Taemin commented in a whiny voice when he had plopped down onto the leather couch in front of the TV, which looked impressive (and expensive) to say the least.

Jongin smirked.

“I played volleyball in the sun, that's all.“

He was visibly enjoying the sour look on Taemin's face, which was neither pale nor tan. It was quite odd that Jongin liked his bronze skin color, since most of the stuck up citizens of Korea would call it ugly. Their beauty ideal was fair and pale skin, no matter how wrong that was - but for some reason, the girls back at the boarding school had found Jongin's tan ridiculously hot and the muscular boy had left Taemin in the dust behind him.

The older of the two definitely didn't hate his appearance and he didn't want to change it desperately either, yet in comparison with Jongin he always felt like he was lacking. 

“Why did I even spend three weeks on Bali?“ Taemin grumbled to himself as he took the controller of the PS, but the way Jongin looked him up and down, his eyes lingering on Taemin's newly acquired sharp jawline, soon had him smiling again.

The two boys started playing, bickering with each other for a while. They hadn't been allowed any electronics at the boarding school and Taemin decided he could definitely get used to this.

Just when he thought how he never wanted to stop playing, Jongin stopped the game and got up.

“Sorry, Taem,“ he apologized, his face only showing a hint of guilt. “I just remembered I have to help the ahjumma from across the street lift something. But I'll be back in ten, and maybe I'll even bring cake. She's great at baking and always generous!“

“But what am I supposed to do while you're gone?“ Taemin whined with a glance at the TV.

Jongin shrugged.

“I don't know. Just make yourself at home!“

Seconds later he was gone and Taemin was alone. The afternoon sun was sending warm beams through the enormous window panes to Taemin's right, making the boy feel sleepy and comfortable even in unfamiliar environment.

He had just closed his eyes and rested his head against the back part of the couch when he heard light steps approach. The door opened with a quiet sliding noise and Taemin knew he wasn't alone anymore.

With a frown, he turned around the glance over his shoulder - and that was when he was bewitched.

At least that was what Taemin believed to this very day.

In front of his eyes stood the most stunning girl he had ever seen. She was clad in a simple white sweatshirt that was stuffed into her black skirt that ended above her waist. The outfit would have been a bit plain if it hadn't been for the giant necklace the girl was wearing, colorful plastic diamonds resting on the pale skin just above the collar of her shirt.

That, and her hair was green.

Taemin had seen his fair share of people with dyed hair - the idols on TV all seemed to bleach theirs these days and even at his stuck up boarding school a few people were known to dye their hair regularly.

Still, this girl's hair somehow stood out to Taemin. A second glance at it made him think that his first impression hadn't been right - it was more teal than green, and the color made the peach blush on the girl's cheeks stand out more.

Subconsciously, Taemin squinted as he tried to spot any freckles on the girl's cheeks.

So far, she hadn't noticed his presence yet, looking around the room in search for someone or something. When her gaze came closer to where Taemin was sitting he could hear his heart pounding loudly inside his chest and he had to fight the urge to hide away from the girl's eyes.

Her body was slim, a bit fragile even, but her jawline and her dark eyes made her seem fierce in a way that made Taemin shudder. Even upon the risk of being discovered, he couldn't will himself to look away.

The boy had, as he later swore, been bewitched by her presence.

Finally, her gaze landed on him and Taemin shrunk into the couch, hoping to become invisible miraculously. He heard the girl let out a surprised gasp behind him, but before she could raise her voice, the sound of a door closing sounded out to them and seconds later, Jongin entered the room.

“Ki-noona!“ he greeted and Taemin could hear the smile in his friend's voice.

Oddly, he felt a bit of jealousy bubble up in his chest at the comfortable way Jongin had addressed the girl in.

He called her noona, Taemin bitterly thought.

“Nini-yah,“ the girl responded, “I got off earlier than I first thought, so we can eat dinner together!“

Her voice was deeper than Taemin had expected, and it wasn't pretty either, but at that moment he was sure it was the nicest sound he had ever heard. The realization made a blush rise up his neck when the girl, Jongin's noona, suddenly asked, “who are you by the way?“

Taken by complete surprise, Taemin spluttered and almost choked on his cheek. The fact that the girl had asked about him flattered him, but the positive feeling was soon replaced by discomfort when Jongin stepped closer to the girl with another blinding smile.

“That's Taemin, noona! Didn't you know he was coming over?“

Ki laughed and her laugh was obnoxious, but Taemin couldn't bring himself to care. He was busy smiling like an idiot when the girl's eyes fell on him again.

“Oh, so you are Taemin! I finally get to meet you, too, huh?“

She walked over to the couch with a few large steps and lowered her head. In all honesty, her towering figure was a bit intimidating, but Taemin couldn't be scared.

“Hi, Taemin. I'm Jongin's older sibling Ki. You can call me noona of course.“

Taemin allowed himself to let out a little sigh of relief upon hearing she was related to Jongin by blood. He suddenly felt a lot better, although there was still one thing that left him confused.

“I never knew Jongin had an older sister, too,“ he mumbled as he avoided Ki's eyes.

Jongin seemed ready to butt in, but his sister was faster.

“Did you never talk about me, Nini? I'm hurt.“

“I...I only-“ Jongin trailed off and Taemin said, “I always thought you had an older brother named...Kibum?“

His friend shifted awkwardly. “Kibum-hyung is...“

“...my twin brother!“ Ki smiled a blinding grin that left Taemin with a hollow feeling in his chest after it had vanished. “Honestly, I thought Nini would have mentioned me at least... Guess not.“

“Are you gonna...make dinner, noona?“ Jongin asked, but his posture showed how uncomfortable he was.

Taemin was busy wondering what was going on behind his best friend's forehead while Ki nodded.

“I'll make some for the both of you - provided that dad doesn't come home early of course.“

“Is there anything you can't eat, Taemin-ah?“

The sounds of his own name coming out of Ki's mouth made Taemin's chest swell and he proudly shook his head at her.

“I'm fine with anything.“ – because he couldn't imagine anything made by this beautiful girl ever tasting bad.

“Okay, I'll be off to shop for ingredients then! See you later, boys.“

Ki did a little salute and giggled cutely afterwards, a noise that made Taemin's heart pound more loudly in his ears. He was still busy wondering why he had never ran into a woman as beautiful as Jongin's sister before, especially as they seemed to go grocery shopping like any other person, when his best friend suddenly called his name.

Feeling like a child getting caught with their hand inside the candy jar, Taemin's head whipped around.

“What's up?“ he replied a little too breathlessly, but Jongin hardly seemed to notice.

“Do you plan on resuming the game anytime soon?“ the younger asked with a glance at the controller in Taemin's hand.

“Oh yeah, of course. Silly me.“

Taemin laughed a bit as he pressed play, the two of them continuing where they had left of. However, the perfect face of Jongin's sister wouldn't stop haunting Taemin's thoughts and after a while he couldn't contain himself anymore.

“Why did you never mention you had a sister?“

“Huh?“

The question made Jongin jump, his character consequently dying in the right corner of the screen as he accidentally fell down a cliff. He cursed under his breath before looking up at Taemin.

“Well, you never asked I guess.“

“But you talked about your hyung.“

“Well, that's different.“

It's not, Taemin thought to himself. Except your brother can't possibly be as pretty as Ki-noona.

“She's the complete contrary of you,“ he stated loudly as he briefly looked Jongin over. “She's super pale, pretty thin, her eyes are different. Do you get along with her?"

“I love Ki-noona a lot,“ Jongin immediately said. “There have been difficult times in the past... I used to worry a lot about her. But I'm happy that she's happy now.“

“What's her real name anyway?“

“What?“

Jongin's eyes were wide as marbles and he was staring at Taemin as if his friend had just grown a second head. The older boy scoffed.

“C'mon, just 'Ki' would be a weird name for a girl. Especially if her twin brother is really named Kibum. What's so weird about my question?“

“Oh that. Well, noona just requested to be called Ki one day and I didn't question it. Everyone calls her that, you know. She has always enjoyed learning foreign languages, so it's really no wonder she adopted an English name.“

“English?“

Now it was Taemin's turn to be confused.

“Well,“ Jongin began. “Ki. That's spelled K-E-Y. You know, key and lock, like that.“

“Oh god.“

A blush crept up Taemin's cheeks when he realized he had been spelling the girl's name wrongly all the time, even though it had only been in his head. Still, he was mortified by his own misunderstanding - what if Key had noticed?

“So, do you think we'll get the same homeroom?“ Jongin easily switched the topic much to Taemin's relief - he didn't want his best friend to know how much meeting Key had thrown him off.

However, for the rest of the day he had great difficulty getting the girl's beautiful face out of his head. When he lay in bed that night, he replayed their meeting in his head and the memory of her laugh made him beam.

Never had Taemin ever encountered a girl that was more dazzling before. He didn't care that Key was older and taller than him or that she was Jongin's sister. All he knew was that he wanted to see her again as soon as possible.

Chapter Text

Taemin made it his habit to come by Jongin’s place as often as he could during the rest of the holidays. He knew he wouldn’t have the chance to do so as often once school had started again, so he had to make use of his opportunities as long as he could.

Each time he visited, Taemin hoped to see Key again.

The gorgeous female wouldn’t leave him alone in his thoughts, whether he was dreaming or awake, eating, playing games or exercising. Taemin was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Jongin’s sister a few times and more often than not he was left thunderstruck, four words resting heavily on his tongue.

“Noona is so pretty.”

“What?”

Taemin almost choked on his spit when Jongin piped up all of a sudden, both boys averting their attention from the game they had been playing. Taemin’s best friend nodded at the giant window to their right through which they could peer into the front yard of his house.

There, Key had just appeared, her skirt bouncing along with the green strands of her hair as she turned to walk down the street. Her hair colour was still vibrant as ever and for a moment, Taemin wondered how it still managed to look flawless after weeks.

“She’s so pretty,” Jongin repeated with a small smile and although the rational part of Taemin’s brain knew he was no threat, he couldn’t help an ill feeling from bubbling up in his stomach – he didn’t want Jongin to call Key pretty.

He internally scoffed at himself for having these unreasonable thoughts, and at Jongin for saying out loud what he had been thinking all along. Taemin doubted that he would ever be able to think straight in Key’s company.

Whenever the girl approached them, all he could think of were her sparkling eyes, her pink pouty lips and her manicured hands that had brushed against his arm once during dinner. It was the first time in years that Taemin actually felt attracted to someone, and, frankly, he didn’t remember obsessing over anyone this badly before.

“I’m so damn lucky to have her as my sister,” Jongin went on when Key had disappeared from the boys’ eyesight.

“I-It’s weird.”

Taemin hated himself for having to clear his throat first before being able to speak properly – he felt like his thoughts were more than obvious.

“You never mentioned her back at the boarding school, only talked about your brother. But now that we’re here, you won’t shut up about her.”

“Yeah, Kibum-hyung is great.”

Jongin let out an awkward laugh that would have left Taemin suspicious if he hadn’t been so busy wondering where Key was going on this day. It was quite cold outside, but the girl hadn’t seemed bothered by the weather earlier, even in her skirt.

Apparently, Jongin had decided not to dwell on the topic of his siblings anymore and they soon resumed their game, but Taemin’s mind was, once again, somewhere else, following his best friend’s pretty sister to whatever destination she had in mind.

____________________________

The first day of high school arrived far too soon for Taemin’s liking and before he knew it, he was standing in the entrance hall of his new school, his hands buried in the pockets of his uniform. Jongin, who had joined him on the way here, looked about as excited as Taemin felt at the prospect of listening to their principal’s speech for at least 90 minutes.

Suddenly, he remembered something he had wondered about earlier and quickly hit his best friend’s side.

“Yah, Nini!”

“Don’t call me that,” Jongin hissed, “I’m not ‘Nini’. At least not here.”

Taemin just snickered as his friend’s cheek turned beet-red.

“Didn’t you say your hyung went to school here? Where is he?”

Jongin almost choked on his drink.

“What? You mean Kibum-hyung? Yeah, he’s in his last year. But he stayed over at a…friend’s place and that friend owns a car. I bet he decided to skip the principal’s speech and get here later.”

“Can he do that?” Taemin’s eyes became big.

“Kibum-hyung can,” Jongin laughed. “He’s at the top of his grade, I think. Ever since he transferred here almost two years ago, he’s been having so much success that he’s kind of a legend ‘round here. See that guy over there?”

He pointed to another corner of the hall where a few of the older students were waiting, among them a boy who could only be considered a giant. He had longer hair than you usually saw in students, a handsome face with big eyes – as Taemin’s bisexual mind noted. His muscular built made him appear like an athlete.

“That’s Choi Minho,” Jongin elaborated, “hyung’s best friend. He can seem scary at first, because he’s really tall and competitive and great at sports, but he’s actually really nice. He comes over to our place a lot.”

“Do you know any other people here?”

Taemin had become curious while looking around, finding himself surrounded by a crowd of strangers. He hadn’t even spotted one familiar face, but maybe Jongin could help with that.

“Not really,” the younger replied, though. “There used to be Jonghyun-hyung, but he finished school the year before, and Jinki-hyung is even older than that. Apart from that, Kibum-hyung doesn’t have too many friends, since Amber-noona goes to a different school.”

“What about Key-noona?”

Taemin hadn’t meant to ask about Jongin’s sister, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Now he was staring at his best friend with glistening eyes, hoping he didn’t look too much like an overeager puppy.

“Key-noona doesn’t go here…”

Jongin’s answer came a little too fast maybe, but in his excited state, Taemin hardly noticed. He felt disappointment surge up in his stomach at Jongin’s words – he had really hoped he would get to see his sister regularly.

“Let’s be quiet now, though,” his best friend quickly said, suddenly sounding all too keen on listening to the principal’s speech. “We should be respectful, it’s our first day after all.”

Sighing, Taemin turned back towards the stage. Suddenly, he felt even less thrilled to start school today than he had previously.

______________________________________

“Come with me, Taemin-ah, please,” Jongin pleaded in his annoying cutesy voice that he always used when he wanted something from Taemin. “You just told me yourself that you don’t have anything to do this afternoon.”

“Just because try-outs only start next week you don’t have to assume that I don’t have to practice,” his best friend grumbled.

He wasn’t in the best of moods after sitting through a 3-hour-lecture made by their new homeroom teacher. At first, he hadn’t been opposed to going over to Jongin’s place again – he knew his parents wouldn’t mind – but after the younger had told him Key wasn’t coming home until late, he suddenly didn’t feel like going anymore.

After hoping that Jongin’s older sister would go to the same school, Taemin felt crushed by the news he had received earlier. It meant that he would not get to see Key very often, especially when exam season started, and he already hated that thought.

It’s funny, Taemin thought, how I’ve become so infuated with her in such a short time.

He had realized a few days ago that his feelings for Key were not platonic at all – they had to be called a crush at the very least, but Taemin was comfortable with that. Maybe, he hoped, he would be able to pursue Key since he was so close with Jongin.

However, now that he knew they didn’t go to the same school, his hopes were dwindling rapidly.

“Taemin…” Jongin puffed up his cheeks in a futile attempt to look cute. “Please!”

“I said-“

“Please…hyung.”

Taemin froze. Jongin never called him hyung, even though he had told him to when they had first met. The younger always claimed he didn’t need to since they were almost born in the same year, but Taemin secretly disagreed.

He stared at his best friend incredulously. Could he really refuse his offer now?

“I-“ he started, but Jongin grabbed his arm and started dragging him along.

“Great, we can play videogames all afternoon! We won’t be able to do much of that once school really starts.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at Taemin and the older sighed. He would have to join his best friend, he figured, if he wanted to or not.

____________________________________

What neither Taemin nor Jongin had expected when arriving at the latter’s front door was to be greeted by the delicious smell of freshly-baked cake. It seemed to waft around the house like a fresh breeze, invading their nostrils.

The two boys’ reactions couldn’t have been any more different. Taemin sneezed while Jongin frowned.

“Huh,” he mumbled, “no one was supposed to be home.”

Ready to investigate, the both of them stepped through the door and, after kicking off their shoes, paraded into the spacious living room which was connected to a kitchenette that looked quite luxurious. Before they could spot the creator of the steaming cake on the counter, though, they were discovered by said person, who greeted them in a much quieter voice than usual.

“Oh, it’s you two. I…made a chocolate cake.”

“Key-noona.”

A mixture of feelings flashed across Jongin’s face, but it only took him a second to hurry over to his sister and give her a hug. Taemin tried to ignore the ugly feeling of sickness as he looked at the two siblings.

A part of him wished he was the one on whose shoulder Key would rest her head, yet the other, much bigger half of his brain was alerted by the sullen look on the girl’s face. He had never seen her eyes so dull before – what had happened?

Taemin vaguely heard Jongin whisper something to Key, but he couldn’t make out any words. The girl shook her head.

“I’m alright, Nini, it was just… School wasn’t great and all. But hey, now we have cake.”

While speaking those last words, she raised her gaze to look directly at Taemin, who felt himself shiver under her glance. Although her shoulders were slumped when she let go of Jongin, there was still a special kind of strength, of power in Key’s eyes that made Taemin’s legs weak.

He couldn’t put his finger on it, though, so he just accepted that he was absolutely whipped for Jongin’s sister – the younger probably wouldn’t mind, would he?

“How was school for you, boys?” Key softly asked as she carried three plates to the table. “It was your very first day there, wasn’t it?”

“God, it was so boring, noona,” Jongin immediately began to whine. “The principal took so damn long with his speech.”

“He’s really insufferable, isn’t he? He’s always been like that, though.”

Key rolled her eyes, but her face turned serious again when she saw Taemin’s frown.

“What is it, Taemin-ah?”

Trying not to be affected by the way her lips had formed his name, Taemin said, “how would you know about our principal? Jongin told me you went to another school?”

“Oh well…” Key smiled slightly, but her eyes stayed dark. “I accompanied Kibum before. After all, he’s my twin.”

“We didn’t see…him there today,” Jongin added.

“Yeah, that’s probably because he was with Jjong-hyung and me. He really had a hard time getting up this morning.”

“I’m sorry…”

Jongin sounded so genuinely sad that Taemin started to wonder what he had missed. He felt like there was something the two siblings had left unsaid, but he had no idea what it could be.

However, Key kept him from dwelling on the topic in his head when she asked, “so, who wants cake?”

That afternoon ended up being one of the best Taemin had experienced so far. Not only did he get to spend time with Key after losing all of his hope before, he also learned a lot more about Jongin’s sister.

She told him that she loved pink and her siblings, that she excelled in English and wanted to get an actual degree at university. That she shared a room with Kibum and that she liked to sing in the shower. That she would get herself a dog or two one day, but not so soon because her dad wouldn’t allow it.

At first, Taemin wanted to write it all down in order not to forget anything, but he soon realized there was no need to. Those new facts just added to the image he had of Key and, provided that was even possible, he found that they only made her lovelier.

Jongin’s sister also loved eating as much as cooking and baking, as she told them when she was at her second piece of cake. Taemin felt his lips morph into a wide grin at her words – Key looked adorable with her lips stained from the chocolate and he was relieved to hear that she didn’t feel the need to diet like many other girls her age.

She didn’t need to anyway, Taemin realized as he looked at her skinny wrists. She was thinner and lankier than most people, girls or boys, and he would have worried about her if she hadn’t just proven to him that she was fine.

“So, Taemin-ah,” Key chirped after a while of silent munching, “I heard you like dance.”

Taemin looked up from his cake, flabbergasted. Could it really be that – after he had been this lucky already – Key also shared his one passion with him?

“I-I wanna try out for the school’s dance team,” he stammered. “Actually – well, I don’t know if Jongin told you that – but, I chose the school we went to before, the boarding school, because of its dancing courses. Dancing is basically what I wanna do later, I just want to move, to feel the music and the beat and…”

He trailed off when he noticed he was rambling, but Key didn’t seem to mind. She was looking at him with soft, brown eyes, like he was the only person in the world, and that thought made his heart beat faster.

“You’re just like Jongin,” Key said after a while. “And me… Actually, I feel like we’re a dancer family, since everyone likes to dance. Our mother did, too… And even our dad used to… Though, I gotta say that Jongin is a lot better than me. I usually just memorize choreos and copy them.”

She laughed a genuine laugh for the first time that afternoon and Taemin felt like he was about to die. Her presence was just too much for him to handle – how could he live?

Suddenly, Taemin accidentally choked on a piece of cake and he immediately took the opportunity to excuse himself to the bathroom. As he stood there in front of the sink, staring at his own red-cheeked reflection in the mirror, he couldn’t help smiling.

Even though he hadn’t wanted to come at first, he definitely didn’t regret joining Jongin that afternoon.

When he felt composed enough, Taemin quickly returned to the pair of siblings in the living room. He found them talking quietly amongst themselves, serious expressions on their faces, but when Key noticed Taemin she smiled her million-watt smile.

“So, Nini-yah told me you do contemporary dance? I can’t believe he kept that from me, I love watching contemporary performers. Please tell me more about it!”

Chapter Text

They spent the rest of the day chatting comfortably while Jongin’s beloved videogames lay forgotten in the corner of the room. When it got late and Jongin’s father was supposed to come home, Key excused herself to her room and Taemin took that as his cue to leave.

His best friend pouted a bit, whining about the fact that they had hardly done anything together that day – and Taemin honestly couldn’t blame him. He felt a bit guilty because he knew for a fact that he only had eyes for Key these days.

However, he got to see Jongin at school every day, and his best friend wouldn’t die if Taemin spent just a little more time with his elder sister.

Earlier, Taemin had noticed another thing that left him a bit confused.

Jongin was usually a very carefree and cheerful guy, sometimes even a bit too mischievous, but when it came to Key, he seemed uncharacteristically serious. Even when Jongin had had a girlfriend for three months during eighth grade, Taemin had never seen him act this protective around a girl – it made the older boy wonder.

His best friend wasn’t the type to hover around a person constantly, so what was different about his sister? If she even had a twin brother she was close with, why did Jongin jump at any chance to protect her?

That night Taemin fell asleep over these questions, but when morning came, he was even more confused.

__________________________________

At the end of that week, Taemin found himself on his way to the school’s dance practice room. He was walking slowly because he didn’t know what he would find there. It was his first time using one of the school facilities apart from classrooms, toilets and the cafeteria, and for some odd reason, he felt nervous.

Luckily, Jongin had promised to go with him, but he still had History class, so Taemin would meet him by his locker in five minutes.

On his way, Taemin passed a tall, athletic boy in the hallway and when he caught a glimpse of the guy’s face, he remembered his name – Choi Minho, Kibum’s best friend. He seemed to be in a hurry and quickly disappeared from Taemin’s eyesight, yet when the younger student passed one of the giant windows facing the school’s parking lot a few moments later, he saw Minho greet a short man outside.

As he continued walking, Taemin frowned. He found it odd that he had never seen Minho with Jongin’s brother before if they were best friends – actually, the fact that he hadn’t met Kibum at all was strange.

With those thoughts in mind, Taemin reached his locker the second the school bell chimed. He casually leant against a wall, waiting for Jongin to arrive so that they could go to the practice room together.

It took his best friend almost ten minutes to arrive and when he did, he was panting heavily, his hair sticking wildly into every direction possible.

“What on earth happened to you?” Taemin asked with a bemused smile as he led the way to the practice room. “I thought Korea didn’t have hurricanes.”

“Yah, don’t make fun of me!” Jongin protested. “I had to copy everything the teacher wrote on the board and it was hell of a lot. Also, you don’t get to complain – after all, I ran all the way up to you.”

“What a great friend you are.”

“Definitely greater than you.”

Jongin’s tone was light and teasing, yet suddenly Taemin wondered if there was a grain of truth hidden in his words. His best friend must have noticed how he gave his sister every bit of attention he had whenever they met – or he simply felt that something was off with Taemin.

However, Jongin didn’t ask any questions, so Taemin let him be.

The two boys reached the practice room bickering about the week they’d had and their new teachers. After a short side-trip to the changing rooms where they exchanged their uncomfortable school uniforms for sweatpants and tanktops.

“What are you doing, Taem?” Jongin curiously asked.

His best friend was standing in the middle of the room, breathing deeply and slowly as if he was trying to meditate.

“Shhh,” he shushed the younger, “I’m taking in the dancing smell. It’s been so long since I last did this.”

“What the fuck,” Jongin muttered under his breath. “It’s literally just reeking off sweat and deodorant. But whatever. Let’s go get some actual practice done!”

When the two boys entered the spacious practice room, they found that they weren’t alone, much to Taemin’s displeasure. He had hoped they would get at least one hour to themselves before anyone else would come, since most students were still in class, but at the far end of the room there was a slim guy dressed all black and moving to an inaudible beat.

He hadn’t noticed the two boys coming in and Taemin quickly realized it was because the boy was wearing headphone. He stood there for a moment, watching the other’s moves – somehow this student’s figure looked oddly familiar, but he couldn’t pinpoint why exactly until Jongin suddenly let out a yell.

“Hey, Kibum-hyung!”

The boy whipped around instantly. He was wearing a face mask and a cap that did their best to completely conceal his expression, but Taemin could still see the dark pair of almond-shaped eyes looking at them from under the boy’s fringe.

The familiarity of that gaze made Taemin freeze – the guy looked exactly like Key!

“Kibum-hyung,” Jongin repeated as he strode over to his brother. “I didn’t know you were here too.”

With a swift gesture that looked pleasantly elegant, Kibum pulled one of his earbuds out. He waved at Jongin without a word before his eyes flickered over to Taemin, who was still standing frozen on his spot.

Truth be told, feeling Kibum’s gaze on him was extremely unsettling. Taemin had never seen twins before who looked as scarily alike as Key and her brother. He could tell even without seeing Kibum’s entire face that he probably had the same high-cheekbones as Key, the same pouting lips.

He seemed to be the same height as his twin sister, too, and their bodies were shaped so similarly that Taemin doubted he could differentiate between their silhouettes in the dark. Kibum was skinny and lean, just like his sister, but his figure was hidden by the baggy shirt he was wearing, one that almost reached his kneecaps.

“You probably wanna continue practicing, right, hyung? But is it okay if we put on some music?”

Again, Kibum only nodded before putting his earplug back in and turning towards the mirror he had been facing before.

“So, that’s Key-noona’s twin brother,” Taemin spoke when his best friend had returned. “They sure do look alike. Wait. What’s he doing over there?”

“Uhm…dancing?”

“Is he performing a girl group dance?”

“Oh yeah, he is. Hyung does that sometimes.”

This way, their short conversation about Jongin’s older brother came to an abrupt end. While he let his best friend put on the music they were going to use for their try-out next week, Taemin kept watching Kibum dance.

The boy’s moves were accurate and much sharper than the original choreography promised. Taemin had to admit that Kibum truly made the dance his own as he performed it. He had to smile a bit when he realized Jongin’s brother moved a bit like Key, with just as much control over his own body.

He could almost see her dancing as he watched at Kibum and the image that had formed in his mind did things to Taemin that he didn’t want to explain to Jongin. Luckily, his friend had just figured out how the speakers worked and seconds later the familiar remix of some classical piece rang through the room.

As soon as the music hit his ears, Taemin felt the electronic beat of it pulse through his veins. He quickly got into position and once Jongin was ready too, they started to perform their individual dances, each caught up in their own world.

Whenever he danced, Taemin tended to get lost, lost in the music and lost in his own head. He didn’t have to think about his movements and let his body and his instincts work together to create a dance that was never quite the same.

Dancing felt natural, like an ability Taemin had already been gifted with at his own birth. He knew that wasn’t true, he remembered all the long hours in various practice rooms, all the sweat and the tears he had shed along the way to become this good.

But even when he hadn’t mastered his moves this easily, dancing had never felt like a burden to him. Most people didn’t understand how dancing could relax Taemin’s mind – after all, he was exhausting himself more often than not – but he didn’t feel the need to explain himself either.

Dancing was like breathing. It was that simple.

As he moved on to another song and another choreography, Taemin let his thoughts wander to Key again. It was almost ridiculous how infatuated he had been ever since he had met her. His heart started to race whenever he thought about her yet whenever he got to talk to her, he felt at peace, at home.

Dancing and Key could become synonyms, Taemin mused. They were probably already exchangeable in his mind.

The boy’s flow was interrupted when the practice room’s door opened yet again and two people entered, though they weren’t dressed like dancers. It took Taemin, who had stopped moving and was panting heavily, a few seconds to recognize Choi Minho as well as the short man he had seen him with in the parking lot earlier.

The guy, whose eyes somehow resembled those of a puppy, waved at Kibum and crossed the room without paying much attention to Jongin and Taemin. His fingers were covered by the sleeves of an over-sized sweater, which made him appear even smaller next to the giant Minho, who was wearing a bright grin on his face.

“Kibum-ah, we came to watch you!”

“I know you said you didn’t want us to earlier, but we wanted to get a sneak peek,” the short guy explained as he sat down with his back against the wall, his legs crossed. “It was Minho’s idea.”

“Jonghyun-hyung!” Jongin called and the previously unknown man waved slightly. “Do you mind if we turn up the music again.”

“Not at all,” Jonghyun smiled. “We won’t disturb you two, we’ll just silently sit and watch Bum-ah dance.”

“Great!”

Seconds later, the music was blasting through the speakers again and Taemin took that as his cue to pick up his dance where he had left off. After all, he had the try-outs to practice for.

Chapter Text

“Please come see me after class, Taemin!”

Without raising his head from its lowered position, let alone catching the teacher’s gaze, Taemin nodded.

“I will.”

In front of him lay the surprise test the teacher had handed out last lesson, graded and covered in red – he had hardly gotten 20% correct, which was certainly not enough. English had never been Taemin’s best subject and he knew he should probably have studied a little bit more, but the reason his throat was blocked by a giant lump was a different one.

Ever since he had been accepted on the dance team, Taemin hadn’t done much besides practicing. Every day after school, he would meet up with Jongin and run through the choreography they had to learn before the spring competitions started.

Their coach had made it very clear how serious he was about dancing and how serious he wanted his dancers to be.

‘If you can’t attend the three practices we hold each week, don’t even try,” the man’s words echoed through Taemin’s head as he stared at the paper in front of him.

The grade he had gotten was bad news. His parents were already skeptical of his passion and his mother would probably gladly take the chance to keep him away from the team. Taemin knew his parents only meant well, but that didn’t make his situation any easier.

When the students, save for Taemin of course, were dismissed for the day, Jongin shot his best friend a sympathetic glance as everyone filed out of the room. As he turned to leave too, Taemin couldn’t help scoffing at his back.

The younger boy was struggling in their shared math class and him passing history this year could be considered a miracle – yet Jongin’s father didn’t bother his son about his grades. As long as Jongin went to school and didn’t cause trouble, he was in the green.

Sadly, Taemin’s parents were a lot stricter.

“Can you tell me what happened there, Taemin-ah?” the teacher asked once they were completely alone.

She didn’t sound angry or upset with him, just curious about the reason he had failed so miserably.

“Guess I didn’t study,” Taemin mumbled.

He was absolutely not in the mood to have a discussion right now. Jongin had promised to take him to his place after dancing practice and after not seeing Key in weeks, Taemin had kind of hoped to catch a glimpse of the older girl today.

“You are aware that you did the worst on this test by far,” the teacher told him. “I’ve looked at your grades from middle school and they weren’t good at all. Are you struggling in this class or with English in general?”

“Well, I think so.” Taemin still refused to meet her eye. He felt embarrassed by the fact that she had decided to call him out and have a heart-to-heart talk with him – it only made his failure feel realer. “I don’t really get anything.”

“Well, if that’s the problem, you might need a tutor,” the teacher carefully said. “I know quite a few of your seniors who could probably help you out – you’ll be on track again by the end of this term.

“I suggest you talk to your parents about this matter and if they want, they can email me or you can talk to me again. I’d gladly help you find someone who can study with you. You don’t have to fail this class, Taemin-ah.”

The teacher’s words were still resounding with the walls of Taemin’s head as he stepped out of the classroom a few minutes later.

_______________________________

“So, you have to get yourself a tutor?”

Jongin’s legs were dangling in the air as he sat on top of the metal rail that separated the river from its banks. If Taemin pushed him, the younger boy would fall into the water and get wet, but right now his mind was in a completely different place.

“It sucks so much,” Taemin whined as he sullenly stared into the water. “You know what it means, right?”

“What?”

Jongin looked like he didn’t have the slightest idea what his friend was talking about and not for the first time, Taemin felt a spark of jealousy. The other boy was so blessed to have a father this lenient and easygoing.

“My parents,” Taemin said while rolling his eyes. “They’ll be mad and probably won’t let me go to dance practice anymore. Guess I won’t be competing this season.”

“But, they’ve never stopped you before?” Jongin dumbly replied and this time, Taemin slapped him.

“Idiot! We literally went to a boarding school for dancing, of course they didn’t!”

When he had finally regained his balance on the rail, Jongin looked Taemin up and down with his almond-shaped eyes that looked a lot like his sister’s, now that his best friend thought about it.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was that serious. They’d be crazy not to let you compete, Taem, you’re literally one of the best already.”

Suddenly, Taemin was all too aware of how harsh he had sounded, and he lightly patted Jongin’s tan arm.

“Don’t worry. I’m just really mad at myself because I should have seen it coming. I’ll try to talk to my mum and the coach and maybe we’ll find a solution – I doubt it, though. After all we’re supposed to train three times each week and knowing my parents, they’ll make me cut the practice just to teach me a lesson.”

As an afterthought, he added, “I kinda deserve it, though. I haven’t studied English in years.”

Jongin shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t do much either, but I kind of pick it up naturally at home. Kibum is obsessed with English, he took it as his major and is dead-set on writing a book in it one day. Crazy, right?”

“Wait, him too?”

“What do you mean? Who else is obsessed with English?”

“Didn’t you tell me Key-noona was?”

Taemin raised an eyebrow at Jongin’s dumbfounded expression which took a few seconds to light up.

“Ah, right!” the younger exclaimed as he barked out a laugh. “They’re crazy similar, right? Hyung and noona I mean…”

“I guess. I don’t really know your hyung – I only saw him dance once.”

“Oh, I forgot.”

For a few moments, they stayed quiet. To say the silence wasn’t welcomed by Taemin would have been a lie – it calmed him a lot to take a moment to collect himself and put his thoughts in order after everything he had been told today.

He was watching a few ducks floating on top of the freezing river when Jongin spoke up again, “hey, do you wanna go back to my place? It’s getting kinda cold… My dad’s home early tonight and he asked if you wanna eat with us.”

“Thanks, Nini,” Taemin gratefully accepted the offer.

He was more than glad that he had gotten the opportunity to stay away from home longer today. Telling his parents about his grade would be hard enough.

“By the way, I just got an idea,” Jongin unexpectedly told him as they walked side by side, taking the shortcut over the small bridge to their right. “But I need to talk to someone first.”

“Wait, what is it?”

Taemin pouted as his curiosity had gotten the better of him, but his best friend just smiled mysteriously.

“Oh, just you wait.”

______________________________

The rest of the afternoon was quite uneventful, except for the fact that Taemin properly got to greet Jongin’s father for the first time. The man arrived shortly after them and introduced himself in a friendly way – however, his tall height and bulky statue were intimidating more than anything else.

To Taemin’s surprise, Jongin’s father was also the one to cook dinner, but he quickly found out that Key wasn’t home anyway. While he had hoped to taste more of the older girl’s homemade food, he would never turn down any meal as long as it was well-made, and the house definitely started to smell delicious after about half an hour.

At 8 o’clock, the family, excluding Key yet including their guest Taemin, gathered at the table. For once, Kibum was there, but he didn’t say anything and kept his head down. When he had come in, Jongin’s older brother had greeted Taemin with a curt nod – however, that had been the only time his long black fringe didn’t cover half of his face.

While he ate, Kibum didn’t look up or contribute to the conversation – he didn’t have to anyway, since his father was, apparently, quite the talker.

Mr. Kim spoke about his job, asked about school (to which Taemin responded with a sheepish grin and a few mumbled excuses) and even their dancing practice. During all of that, he let the three boys hear his obnoxiously loud laughter and after half an hour, Taemin had decided he liked Jongin’s father.

The man seemed a bit rough, but Taemin knew he had been raising his children on his own since Jongin’s birth and to him, that was definitely admirable.

“Ah, it’s great to sit and chat like this!” Mr. Kim announced at some point as he leant back in his chair, comfortable crossing his arms behind his head. “Kibum-ah, don’t you have some story to tell us as well? How was school?”

His elder son, who had jumped at the sound of his own name, briefly glanced up but stayed silent – his father only laughed more loudly.

“You didn’t listen again, did you? Well, son…”

Then, he took a look at his expensive wristwatch before saying, “oh, would you look at that? It’s late already. I’ll drive you home, Taemin-ah, if you allow me to.”

“That’s too kind of you, thanks.”

While Taemin put on his shoes in the hallway, Jongin bid him goodbye with a grin and a pat on the back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Good luck with your parents tonight, Taem!”

“I’ll definitely need it. Wait, didn’t you want to tell me something before?”

Taemin frowned at his best friend’s cheeky smile that almost reached his ears.

“Don’t worry, you’ll find out about it soon enough.”

“But-“

“Kibum, you didn’t even say goodbye to our guest. That’s rude, go do it now! I will not tolerate any impoliteness in this house!” Mr. Kim’s loud voice suddenly reached Taemin’s ears and when the boy turned around, Kibum was standing in the doorway, a turtleneck covering his mouth and nose.

He gave a small wave when Taemin smiled at him and before the younger boy knew what was happening, Jongin’s brother was gone. Instead his father stepped into the hallway, apparently ready to go out.

The drive to Taemin’s house was luckily short, or else he would have died in the awkward silence that filled the car on the way there. Mr. Kim didn’t bother to start another conversation – he must have sensed Taemin’s tiredness.

After thanking the man and taking his bag out of the trunk, Taemin snuck up the stairs to his room as quietly as he could. He had left his mother a message earlier saying he would come home after dinner, but right now he didn’t feel ready to tell her about the failed test yet.

First, he needed a few moments to himself to think about what to say.

When Taemin arrived in his room, he immediately flopped down onto the bed and pulled out his phone. Frowning, he realized he had a message from an unknown number – an odd thing, especially at this time of the day. He opened it nonetheless, too curious about its content to ignore it.

The lines that awaited him almost made his heart stop beating.

09:15 PM: Hi Taemin-ah!

09:17 PM: Jonginnie gave me your number, he said you needed help in English. I’m quite good at it so I might be able to tutor you, if you want me to of course. In case you do, I suggest you go talk to your teacher soon.

09:18 PM: This is Key, by the way!

Again and again, Taemin’s eyes scanned the last message, but he was still unable to comprehend what the words said. The only thing that stood out to him was the character that form the name – the one that never failed to work its magic on his brain, leaving him a nervous, sweating mess.

Key.

Key – pretty, beautiful, funny, smart Key – Jongin’s noona Key – wanted to tutor Taemin. Key was going to tutor Taemin.

(Taemin screamed into his pillow.)

Chapter Text

Taemin’s palms were sweating. In fact, they were so slick and wet that his pen slipped through his fingers twice before he finally managed to pick it up for good. With a disgusted face, the dancer wiped his hands on his jeans, hoping to make at least some of the sweat go away, though he knew that was very unlikely to happen.

In this exact moment, Taemin was sitting at Jongin’s dinner table with his jotter open in front of him. Nothing about the scene was unusual – if it hadn’t been for the fact that his best friend was nowhere to be seen.

Actually, Jongin had just left for dance practice and the sole reason why Taemin was still at his house was because the older boy was waiting. For whom?

For Key.

As if she had sensed the direction Taemin’s thoughts were taking, Jongin’s sister walked into the room with a stack of books. She placed them on the table with a huff.

“You don’t mind if I fix myself a coffee first, do you?”

Taemin, who had been rendered speechless by the girl’s entrance, spluttered a bit and promptly blushed the second Key turned around. The boy’s eyes landed on her back which was sadly covered by at least two layers of clothes – it was cold outside.

Nonetheless, Key looked flawless when she walked over to the table with a latte macchiato in her hands a minute later. She was dressed in soft shades of brown that matched the coffee’s color and the turtleneck she was wearing hugged her body tightly, like a second skin.

Key giggled a bit as she sat down.

“You look like you want a coffee yourself,” she commented on Taemin’s slightly widened eyes. “Don’t you dare think I’m being impolite or anything. First, I’ll make you do some work and then you get a treat. Jongin told me you tend to be a bit lazy, so I had to get creative.”

She laughed when Taemin scoffed. He wasn’t happy at all, mainly because Jongin had talked badly about him and most likely destroyed the image Key had had of him before. However, the worst was that he couldn’t even deny the accusation.

“He’s exaggerating,” he mumbled.

“Aww, you’re literally so adorable when you’re mad!” Key squealed and before Taemin knew what was happening, he felt her hand on his head, ruffling his hair.

Her skin was warm from holding the coffee.

“’m not cute.”

Trying to protect his dignity, Taemin disagreed grumpily, but he couldn’t deny that he liked Key’s fussing. The girl giggled at his expression a few more times before her face turned serious.

“Okay, back to the reason we’re here today – you’re struggling with English, right?”

“I guess.”

“Don’t worry! I’m here to help you!” She smiled brightly at Taemin and for the first time, he noticed she was wearing braces. “Can you maybe introduce yourself first? So I can see how good you are?”

“Um…I’ll try?”

Even though he had been all too happy to be tutored by Key of all people, Taemin suddenly regretted having taking her up on her offer. He wasn’t insecure about a lot of things, but speaking English in front of his crush – and that, Key was – was definitely something he would rather avoid. Especially since said crush apparently spoke English on a nearly perfect level.

“H-Hi, I’m Taemin and…I’m…”

He paused to give the words some time to form inside his head, but his mind stayed blank – they were only at the first sentence and he was already failing.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I can’t do it.”

“If you could, we wouldn’t be here today,” Key replied sarcastically. “Try again!”

“But-“

“Just do it.”

Her gaze was so stern that Taemin instantly obeyed. Yet again, he felt like his tongue was tied the second he took those foreign words into his mouth. Taemin hated how his voice shook as he spoke and how badly accented his words sounded.

Key must be secretly laughing at me, he bitterly thought.

“Well,” the girl said, “that didn’t work I suppose. Don’t worry, though, I’m here to teach you!”

She looked at the jotter Taemin brought but her gaze quickly caught his eyes again.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, but I’ll try to talk solely in English from now on. Just tell me if you don’t understand anything.”

Needless to say, Taemin’s first tutoring lesson was a disaster. It wasn’t because of Key’s bad teaching skills – the girl had actually thought up a lot of exercises that would help Taemin grasp the basics of the English language – but rather due to the fact that Taemin couldn’t stop staring at her.

She looked beautiful and soft in her outfit, and her newly-dyed black hair matched her dark eyes very well. The domestic vibe she gave off as she sat at the table with Taemin made him feel very warm and contented. He wished he could spend more time with her like that, just the two of them sitting on the couch, watching a movie maybe, or talking while she was sipping her latte.

Maybe Taemin could rest his head on her lap and she would run her fingers through his hair. Maybe she would cuddle up against his shoulder to steal some of his warmth.

To put it short – Taemin was daydreaming.

He also found that he loved the way Key spoke English. Before today, Taemin had never found the language particularly interesting or appealing, but suddenly he found himself wishing he was able to understand at least half of what Key was saying.

Her voice became deeper when she talked in English until it almost sounded like a boy’s voice and she seemed very natural while speaking – as if the foreign language was actually her true element.

“You’re not listening, Taemin-ah!”

The sudden Korean made Taemin jump and, for the umpteenth time that afternoon, he blushed when Key said his name. She had caught him red-handed.

“Noona…” He blinked at her with big eyes and tried to sneak some aegyo into his voice. “I’m tired.”

“So, did you actually learn anything so far?”

“I-“

“Maybe you should look for another tutor, since I’m obviously not suited…”

“No! Wait! I’m sorry and I promise to try harder from now on!”

Taemin had raised his hand along with his voice and, almost unbeknownst to him, Key had recoiled. She smiled, though, and shook her head at him.

“You’re a sneaky one, Taemin-ah. If you weren’t so cute, I swear… Let’s complete these exercises now and then I could maybe perhaps give you some food or something.”

She patted the exercise book to signal him to start over again, and Taemin did. Later, he realized he liked the new side of Key that he had seen today – she was pushy and stern, but in the end her motives were good. She wanted the best for him.

When they got up from the table, their hands brushed against each other and – as cliché as that sounded – Taemin felt a tiny shock of electricity run through his hand. He quickly pulled it back and smiled at Key, hoping she didn’t suspect anything.

“So, didn’t you say you wanted to give me a treat?”

_________________________________

Three lessons a week – on that condition, Taemin’s mother had allowed her son to stay on the dance team. Even though he had sulked at first, the boy now happily obeyed the instructions. Three lessons of English a week meant he got to spend time with Key three times – and he was actually starting to get a grasp of English, which he had never expected to happen.

Taemin’s coach wasn’t happy when he was told about the new circumstances, but he agreed to let Taemin stay if the boy proved that he was worth it. That was why Taemin had to spend all of his time training at school, completing his homework or studying English at Jongin’s place.

His best friend wasn’t very happy with his new schedule. He started to complain that Taemin never had time for him – and he wasn’t wrong. Whenever Key tutored Taemin, the two ended up going off topic and more often than not, they spent the entire afternoon together.

Three days a week were reserved for Key – there was hardly any time left for Jongin. It wasn’t like Taemin didn’t feel guilty about the situation, but that didn’t mean he necessarily wanted to change it.

In the end, their arrangements stayed the same for the next few weeks and while Jongin became sulkier and sulkier, Taemin found himself growing closer and closer to Key.

Their talks had become a little more personal lately and although he knew how irrational he was being, Taemin couldn’t help dreaming. When Key was dressed in a big sweater that dwarfed her frame, Taemin wanted to wrap his arms around him and when she was all dressed up, he wished he was the one to receive all of her pretty smiles.

One day, something unexpected happened, though. As usual, Taemin turned up at Jongin’s home after school, but it wasn’t Key who opened the door for him. Instead, her twin brother was the one standing there, an apologetic smile on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “Key…isn’t home today. But I agreed to tutor you instead this afternoon, I hope that’s okay.”

Taemin froze, his eyes widening in astonishment.

However, the real reason he was surprised wasn’t the fact that Key had been replaced by her brother, but the sound of Kibum’s voice. He sounded exactly, absolutely and ultimately like his sister and had Taemin been asked to do so, he wouldn’t have been able to differentiate their voice.

In fact, the similarity was so shocking that Taemin suddenly questioned if Key was actually standing in front of him. But that couldn’t be – Kibum’s hair was jet black and short, except for the middle part that covered his forehead in a messy fringe. He was also wearing his school uniform, the male school uniform that Taemin himself was clad in, although his tie was a bit crumpled.

However, hadn’t it been for the hairstyle and clothing, Taemin wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. Kibum’s lips were the same bowed shape as Key’s and his eyes were just as beautiful. He had the same nose and even his collar bones that were peeking out from under his flannel looked like Key’s.

Taemin shook his head to clear his mind and get over the first shock of seeing Kibum. Then, he stuttered, “Y-yeah, that’s fine.”

It only occurred to him later that that meant he wouldn’t be able to see Key that day, but it somehow didn’t matter too much. Firstly, her brother was so similar to her that it didn’t feel much different to Taemin and secondly had he wanted to talk to Kibum all along.

Apart from Jongin, whom he wasn’t on the best terms with currently, he didn’t have any friends at school. There were some nice people on the dance team, but since he didn’t attend all practices he was kind of a loner there.

It definitely couldn’t hurt to be acquainted with one of his seniors, especially as said senior was friends with one of the most popular students, namely Choi Minho. And last of all, Taemin knew Kibum could dance. Maybe he could distract the older boy by striking up a conversation, so that he wouldn’t have to study as much.

Sadly, Taemin soon found out that Kibum was just like his sister when it came to tutoring him – nagging and disciplined. The third time he received a slap on the back of his head for not concentrating well, Taemin pouted, his bottom lip jutting out cutely.

“Don’t do that,” Kibum grumbled.

“But you hurt me, hyung. That’s not nice.”

“Still, don’t pout! That’s cute, and you’re not supposed to look cute when I’m trying to punish you. What will your teacher say when she finds out you aren’t improving? I’m risking my reputation here.”

“You’re such a diva, hyung.”

“Thanks, I get that a lot.”

Their bickering continued for a while and Taemin realized he got along with Kibum just as well as he got along with Key. He was almost sad when it was getting dark outside and it was time to go.

“Behave well,” Kibum told him as he waved him off from the doorstep, shivering in the winter breeze that was sweeping through the street. “Don’t cause your mum stress or worries, she doesn’t deserve that. Don’t be a brat. Do your homework and study diligently!”

“Yes, mum,” Taemin responded with a grown, but inside, he felt fond.

Kibum was, just like his sister, a very special character and quite unlike anyone Taemin had ever met before. The rest of the evening, the boy spent trying to recall all the stories Jongin had told him during their time at the boarding school and imagining all the situations his best friend and Kibum had experienced together.

Chapter Text

Just like that, Kibum tutoring Taemin became a relatively normal occurrence. Even though he Key did the job more often, Kibum and Taemin still saw each other enough time to establish a number of inside jokes the two of them could laugh about for hours.

Sometimes the talked to each other at school, but it seemed to piss Jongin off a lot, so Taemin tried to keep the chatting to a minimum.

His English was slowly getting better, too, and on his last test, Taemin had managed to score a solid 74%. His teacher congratulated him after the lesson and asked him who was helping him. When he mentioned Kibum’s name, knowing that she couldn’t possibly know his twin sister, she smiled.

“He’s a nice boy and definitely an excellent tutor. I’ve never taught him myself, but I heard a few things about him from my colleagues. It’s weird – they all say there’s something peculiar about him, maybe because of the way he behaves. He’s not like most other male students, but then again he’s friends with Choi Minho, who, by the way, is also failing English…”

Taemin bit back a remark about how it didn’t matter how Kibum acted. It was none of the teachers’ business if he was more feminine than other boys, or if he kept to himself whenever he wasn’t with Minho. Who even decided what was normal and what wasn’t?

Nonetheless, Taemin felt good when he exited the room a few minutes later, knowing his grades were rising. He couldn’t wait to tell Key, but he didn’t have a tutoring lesson today since his coach had called up an extra practice to prepare his dancers for the approaching competitions.

The excitement and anticipation of the next day gave Taemin an energy-boost and he managed to please his coach, too – another thing he could tell Key. He knew the older girl liked dance, too, so she would understand his pride.

Taemin couldn’t wait for the next day to come. When school was finally over, he practically sprinted all the way from the bus stop to Key’s home, pressing the doorbell thrice instead of once, as if that action would make the door open faster.

Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, Taemin impatiently waited for Key to get the door. It usually didn’t take her long since she was always in the kitchen preparing some kind of snack – her cooking skills were godly – and it wasn’t far from there.

However, today at least four minutes passed until Taemin finally heard the shuffling sounds of footsteps in the hallway. Seconds later, when the door opened, Taemin was already wearing his brightest smile, though it dropped as soon as he saw Key’s face.

He didn’t know what he had expected beforehand – everything to be normal, probably, since there had been no indicators something strange had happened. Nonetheless, he was greeted by a girl with a bare face, slumped shoulders and tear streaks on her cheeks.

She was barefoot, even though it was still cold outside and when she recognized Taemin, a weak smile made its way onto her face.

“Oh Taemin, I forgot you were coming today,” she told him, but her voice cracked terribly and Taemin’s heart clenched painfully in his chest.

The mere sight of Key made him want to cry.

“N-noona?” he stuttered, completely baffled.

He had known Key for quite a while now, but the only time he had seen her sad was the day they had eaten chocolate pie with Jongin – weeks before she had started tutoring him. Not to forget, Taemin had never seen her cry before.

Key was standing in front of him in a pitiful state, now fiddling with her own fingers while looking at the ground.

“I’m fine,” she tried to convince Taemin.

Then she started crying again. She stood there, full on sobbing and shaking from the force of her cries and Taemin was at an absolute loss for what to do.

What on earth had happened? His brain provided him with an answer too fast – horror scenarios appeared in his head, pictures he had never wanted to imagine.

Something terrible must have happened to Key and its impact alone was enough to make Taemin feel sick when thinking about its cause. He carefully stretched out his arm but didn’t dare to touch Key. What if she freaked out?

Suddenly, a particularly loud sob wracked her body and Taemin’s hand accidentally brushed against her arm. He quickly pulled it back, scared to overstep her boundaries in any way, but she didn’t react to the touch at all.

Key just stood there, sobbing.

So Taemin pulled her into a hug. It had been an impulse, the first thing to come to his mind just now, and if he had spared the action one thought, he wouldn’t have gone through with it.

However, this time the irrational part of him got to act and before Taemin could comprehend what had just happened, Key was in his arms and crying into his shirt. Although Jongin’s sister was usually a bit taller than Taemin, it was the easiest thing to hold her.

She was pliant like a small child and Taemin physically ached when he felt her fingers dig into the fabric of his jacket, desperately holding on to it like a small child. To him, it felt like Key was completely wrecked and he was the only one keeping her together somewhat.

Key didn’t speak as she cried, but her endless tears said more than enough about her state of mind. After a while, Taemin began to stroke the back of her head. He whispered soothing words to her like his mother used to do for him in hopes her cries would finally subside.

If anyone were to walk by the house right now, Taemin didn’t know how he would explain himself.

It didn’t matter, though. What mattered was the fact that Key was in his arms like he had always wanted her to be, except for the fact that she was crying her eyes out and he could do nothing to help her.

“You’re alright,” he whispered into her ear, “you’re gonna be alright.”

Finally, after an eternity of holding her and not knowing what was wrong, Key’s sobs became weaker until they stopped completely. Taemin felt a spark of hope in his chest. Maybe Key had just needed to let everything out and she would be back to normal now.

However, one glance into her eyes confirmed his fears – that she had just tired herself out. She looked so broken that Taemin was sure he couldn’t ever help her, no matter how much he wanted to.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing Key told him in a scratchy voice. “I ruined your shirt.”

Taemin looked down and found that his school uniform was wrinkled and blotchy with wetness, but he quickly shook his head at Key nonetheless.

“Don’t worry, noona, I don’t mind. Please don’t feel bad about it, I have a ton more at home! My mum can wash it! I can wash it myself!”

He almost expected a snarky reply along the lines of ‘and have it decrease in size until it can barely fit a toddler – no thanks’. But Key only said, “I should have given you a warning, though.”

After that, there was a pause. The silence between them was quite awkward because Key looked like a wreck and Taemin didn’t know what to say. He desperately needed to know what had happened to her, but he didn’t want to trigger more tears if he asked.

“I’m- Are you okay?” he finally managed to get out, only to slap himself mentally afterwards. “I mean, of course you’re not, at least I don’t think so but maybe you just hit your toe on the doorframe before I came…

“I mean it’s quite obvious you didn’t, I’m sorry I even said that, I just don’t know… What do you want to do?”

Now it was Key’s turn to tell Taemin not to worry and she did it with a sad little smile that pretty much broke his heart.

“I…It’s complicated, y-you wouldn’t want to listen…”

“Are you sure? Because I’m pretty certain I would.”

Taemin couldn’t keep the words from slipping out of his mouth and afterwards, he couldn’t bring himself to regret them either. What did he have to lose? Key was obviously hurt and the situation couldn’t get any worse.

Either, she would send him home or she would ask him to stay – it was as easy as that.

“I’m not hurt or anything,” Key quietly said. “Nobody touched me inappropriately and…no one died either. It’s just that… I’m being stupid. If you want, you can go home. You probably have dance practice to attend anyway, right?”

“I don’t wanna go home, though.” In any other situation, Taemin would have given himself an award for boldness. “You’re obviously sad and maybe I can help a bit by making a tea or a hot chocolate for you, whichever you prefer. We can sit in the living room and talk about it or we can talk about something else. We can even be silent, if that’s what you want. But I wouldn’t feel good leaving you like that.”

His words had obviously taken Key by surprise since she opened her mouth only to close it again immediately afterwards, as if all words had slipped from her mind. It took her a few seconds to respond, but when she did, she sounded a little less sad.

“Th-thank you, Taeminnie, but I’d rather not…stay here. It’s no good for me today.”

“How about we go get coffee then? I’ll pay. But you should put on some shoes first.”

“R-right, my shoes.”

And that was how Key and Taemin ended up in a café half an hour later. There wasn’t a lot of space since the shop was quite small, but neither of them cared. It just gave them an excuse to huddle close together, something that Key seemed to welcome but left Taemin with sweaty palms and a racing heart.

After they had ordered, Taemin’s arm was still wrapped around Key’s shoulders and she was leaning towards him as if she was a small animal seeking shelter. Of course, Taemin was happy to provide her with warmth, but at the same time he doubted he could survive another hour like this.

Having Key this close was torture. He could smell her shampoo which, for once, wasn’t drowned out by the perfume she used. Her hair scratched along his neck, which was slightly uncomfortable, and all those things cruelly reminded him of the fact that Key wasn’t his.

However, she seemed to need the proximity right now, so he endured all of it without a word.

Their orders arrived quickly and as they started eating, Key started talking. At first it was just the usual banter, conversations about teachers, and school and funny situations and dancing – she obviously wasn’t ready to address her crying yet.

When she did, though, Taemin wasn’t prepared at all. By now, they had shifted so that they were sitting across from each other, which was hardly any better since Taemin could feel Key’s piercing eyes on him at all time. The moment she finally mentioned earlier, though, her gaze went downwards until she was staring at her latte as if it could tell her her fortune.

“I fought with my dad,” she admitted shakily as she brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “We don’t really get along well sometimes and this time his words really hit me hard. My reaction was probably a bit too much – it’s actually really embarrassing. But I’ve been sitting in my room crying all day and when I saw you, I just needed to let everything out.”

“So… You just fought with your father?”

Key nodded sadly.

“Yeah, I did.”

“And will you make up later?”

“Probably… If he comes home early enough.”

“See, that’s a good thing.”

“I guess…”

Key trailed off, her eyes staring at an invisible spot on the table that Taemin couldn’t see. Then, she raised her head and said, “you don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m sorry if you thought it was something really bad, as I said, I was only being a little stupid. But let’s talk about something else now. English for example – don’t think just because I can’t control my emotions I can’t teach you!”

The rest of the afternoon was spent revising vocabulary and grammar, but Taemin always managed to distract Key somehow. He had made it his goal to make Key laugh as much as possible and what he did seemed to work, since her giggles soon filled his ears.

They managed to have a good time, even after what had happened and even if Taemin’s breath hitched every time Key leaned in closely to tell him something. Later, he realized that this was the closest he would ever come to having a date with her and the thought made him smile like an idiot.

No matter how helpless he had felt earlier, he had managed to make Key smile and that was enough for him to feel happy.

When it got dark outside, the two decided to leave the café but Taemin insisted on walking Key home like a gentleman. If they were on a pseudo-date, he wanted to show her his good manners by biding her goodbye like a real man.

Finally, they had to part when they reached Jongin’s house and Taemin pouted – he didn’t want the day to end yet.

“This afternoon was great, Taeminnie,” Key quietly told him as they stood in front of the door. “I’m…still sorry you had to see that earlier, but at the same time I’m so grateful. You’re a great person, Minnie, and this afternoon was really a gift to me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

She smiled shyly and averted her eyes, making Taemin blush. If she knew how fast his heart was beating inside his chest, his feelings would be exposed. But luckily, he was wearing a thick jacket and Key finally let go of his arm.

“Thank you so much, Taemin-ah.”

Then she turned towards the door and a few moments later, she had gone inside, leaving Taemin to stand outside in the cold and melt into a puddle of goo at the memory of the fond look in her eyes when she had left him.

Taemin really did love Key.

Chapter Text

It was Wednesday – yet another day Taemin was supposed to study English with Key. He was looking forward to it, although his dance instructor had been grumpy earlier because of his tutoring lessons. However, his English teacher still seemed really pleased with his progress and so did his parents.

Not to forget, it was Key he was spending time with after all – the girl who kept running around in his head all day, who occupied his every thought. Ever since they had gone on their coffee date, Taemin couldn’t think straight in her presence anymore.

He kept wondering if he had just imagined their proximity, if he had misinterpreted the way she had leant closer to him – or if, miraculously, he had somehow made an impression on her.

All this time, Taemin had never once imagined that he could actually have a chance to get with Jongin’s older sister. Key had seemed unreachable, too flawless to even take one look at him, and he had accepted his fate, though it hadn’t kept him from thinking about her.

Now, something seemed to have changed, though. It felt like Key trusted him. She had shared personal stories with him and appeared so vulnerable when they had gone out – suddenly, it was hard for Taemin to believe there was nothing between them.

All of these thoughts and questions were whirling around behind his forehead as he showed up on Jongin’s doorstep. He hoped Key would be there today, although he didn’t mind studying with Kibum, yet at the same time, he prayed her twin brother would take over for Key. In his presence, he could at least think properly.

Taemin was unlucky. Key opened the door with a big smile on her face and an apron wrapped around her slim, lean body. She greeted Taemin with a bow and signaled him to come in.

“You came straight from school, didn’t you?” she rambled as she watched Taemin slide out of his shoes. “Jongin texted me he’ll be there in ten. I didn’t have any classes today, isn’t that awesome? That’s why I cooked something. By the way, we should start the lesson soon since I’m meeting someone later, I hope you don’t mind. We can meet up tomorrow or something to make up for the lost time.”

“No, it’s fine,” Taemin shook his head, desperately trying not to sound too breathless in front of Key.

The girl didn’t seem to notice his nervousness in her giddy state as she skipped off towards the kitchen. At a loss for what else to do, Taemin followed her, though he opted for sitting at the table while watching Key cut up some vegetables.

Soon enough, the doorbell rang and interrupted the comfortable yet in Taemin’s opinion absolutely nerve-wracking silence between them.

“Oh, can you get that, Taem-ah?” Key asked. “Jonginnie must have forgotten his keys again.”

“So, you’re here already.” Jongin didn’t sound too enthusiastic when Taemin opened the door for him. “It almost feels like you’re the one living here.”

He shuffled past his best friend into the hallway and shook off his jacket and shoes while Taemin was still busy trying to comprehend what he had done to Jongin. The other was in a bad mood, that much was obvious, but Taemin didn’t understand why. After all, they didn’t have a fight or anything.

I should spend time with him this afternoon, Taemin thought as he returned to the kitchen. I only ever see him at dance practice anymore.

He sat beside Jongin, but the younger boy didn’t seem to be in the mood for talking, only staring down at his phone with furrowed brows. After lunch, he quickly left without another word, probably going to his room, while Key started tutoring Taemin.

The boy found it a bit hard to concentrate today, especially after noticing the faint dust of silver eyeshadow that was layered over Key’s eyelid. She had put on peach blush that made her freckles pop, too. In short, she was giving Taemin a hard time.

Sadly, she put down her pen after only an hour, smiling apologetically at Taemin.

“I’m sorry, but it’s time for me to leave. Will you be okay on your way out?”

“I won’t get lost, noona,” Taemin sarcastically replied as he rolled his eyes. “I think I’ll hang out with Jongin, though.”

“Oh, let me get him for you.”

Five minutes later, the two boys were standing at the kitchen window, both of them silent. Taemin was, once again, wondering why Jongin seemed so pissed off when Key suddenly stepped out of the door and walked down the small path towards the street.

She had put up her hair in two ponytails that kept skipping along to her walk happily – adorable, Taemin thought.

Just when he asked himself where she was going, the sound of a motor engine rang out to him, loud enough to penetrate through the glass of the window pane. Only thirty seconds later, a small motorbike stopped right in front of Jongin’s house.

Everything that came next happened so fast that Taemin’s brain barely had the time to process it properly. The rider of the motorcycle got off the vehicle and took off his helmet; his puppy-like face was definitely familiar.

At the same time, Key waved excitedly and called the guy, though her voice wasn’t loud enough for Taemin to hear. She quickly walked towards him, meeting him halfway to the motorcycle.

He opened his arms, caught her and wrapped her up in a tight hug before pulling her in for a deep kiss.

Had he been holding a glass in that moment, that same jar would be lying shattered on the ground right now. The sound of splintering glass was almost audible to Taemin, but then again, his ears were filled with a constant ringing noise that didn’t subside even when the guy pulled away from Key.

All of a sudden, Taemin’s mouth was dry and his fingertips felt numb, like they weren’t getting enough oxygen. For a few second, he couldn’t do anything but stare.

It was hard enough to keep his mouth closed while watching Key throw herself at another boy, another man, but luckily he remembered he couldn’t be too obvious in front of Jongin. The way the motorcyclist guided Key to his vehicle made Taemin feel sick to his stomach.

He didn’t move until the motorbike was out of sight. Key had climbed on it to sit behind the guy after putting on a helmet that only left her bangs uncovered. Then, the man had hit the gaspedal and they had driven off with the same loud noise as before – a voice that now cut through Taemin’s conscious like a knife.

“Who was that?”

His throat was dry and it felt like he had just started to speak again after a long time of silence, the words foreign on his tongue. Jongin, who had been watching the scene as well, turned to Taemin.

At first, his face stayed blank, but then the right corner of his mouth rose up into a half smirk.

“Oh, that,” he said as if it wasn’t a big deal, “that was Key’s boyfriend, Jonghyun.”

________________________________

Needless to say, Taemin spent the rest of the day sulking in his bedroom. He didn’t go to practice his dancing even though the instructor had told him to after he had missed so many lessons. When his mother knocked on the door of his room, he yelled at her to go away.

He didn’t feel guilty afterwards. She would probably just shrug it off as him being a hormonal teenager and gossip to his father about it. Taemin didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything.

Everything he had been looking forward to, his next dance performance, hanging out with Jongin and, most importantly, spending time with Key, all of these events seemed to have dulled now.

Taemin bitterly realized that he had hoped in vain.

How could he ever have expected Key to like him when she had a boyfriend like that Jonghyun guy, someone who was older, more mature and owned a motorcycle? Meanwhile, Taemin was just a boy, a little child that had nothing to offer.

He didn’t even share Key’s love for English, even though the language was the primary reason they had met. Jonghyun looked like he was a university student. He was probably studying law at some prestigious college, or writing – of course Key would fall for him.

During the course of the evening, Taemin could feel his resentment against Jonghyun grow. He began to loathe the guy with his stupid puppy eyes, who had waltzed into the practice room of their school with Choi Minho on Taemin’s first day of school, watching Key’s twin dance.

He was most likely a part of Key’s family already, judging by the fact that he hung out with her brother and his best friend and by how comfortably Jongin addressed him, too.

Taemin was pissed off, but most of all, he felt hopeless. Never had he ever met another person, no matter the gender, who had fascinated him in the same way Key did. After a few weeks only, she had become a lot to him – she was beautiful and deserved to know it, intelligent with a tongue sharper than a razor, she could dance.

No one, apart from Jongin maybe, had ever understood Taemin’s love for dancing before.

Although he felt miserable, Taemin didn’t allow himself to cry over Key and her boyfriend. He felt like it would just prove just how immature and unfitting for the older girl he was, so he stayed grim and impassive.

Jongin still asked him what was wrong the next morning, in a voice that had a slightly mocking undertone to it if Taemin listened close enough, but he shrugged it off.

Truthfully, Taemin dreaded his next meeting with Key, so he was pleasantly surprised to find Kibum at the table when he went to Jongin’s place, greeting him with a wave.

“It’s me again today, I hope you don’t mind!” he smiled and Taemin quickly shook his head.

He was still baffled by how similar Key and Kibum were and how alike their voices sounded, but he forced himself not to think about Jongin’s older sister.

“So, you have your first English test next week, right?” Kibum asked as he scanned the notes Taemin had taken during the last lesson. “Your handwriting could be a bit neater.”

“Ah, hyung,” Taemin whined as he tried to appeal to Kibum with his aegyo.

However, the older boy ignored him purposefully, pushing the glasses he was wearing up the bridge of his nose. He looked pretty, Taemin realized as he let his eyes linger for a second. Kibum didn’t meet the Korean beauty standards, but his face was still beautiful – it must have been because he looked exactly like Key.

“Hyung,” Taemin started another attempt to distract his tutor, “how did you get your eyebrow scar?”

“Oh, you’d think it’s a long story but it’s actually not. I was a child, a very small one, and hit my head. It must have been right after Jongin was born, so I was 2. My dad didn’t discover it soon enough so it’d been bleeding for quite a bit when we arrived at the clinic.

“I got stitches and cried all day, apparently, but in the end the little wound was the only damage done that day. Do you think the scar looks weird? I don’t fill it in because I kinda like how it makes me look unique but-“

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Taemin interrupted Kibum’s rambling. “I think it looks cool. Really badass.”

It fits you, he added in his head. Then, “hyung?”

“What is it, you pest?”

“I’m really hungry, do you have any food? I haven’t eaten any lunch yet.”

Taemin pouted and Kibum shook his head incredulously.

“Wow, you’re really something. But fine, I guess I could fry you an egg or two. On the condition that we’ll keep revising in the meantime. What’s fried egg in English?”

The two kept on bickering as Kibum started preparing the egg and Taemin found himself relaxing. When he had walked through the front door earlier, he had feared that he would only be able to think of the scene that had unfolded outside just one day ago.

However, now that Kibum was here, Taemin realized he was a good distraction.

“Hyung, on the first day of school I saw you dance,” Taemin asked at some point, happily munching on his egg (which was absolutely delicious by the way, with crispy bacon in perfect American manner and style). “Are you on the team of our school?”

“I’m not,” Kibum smiled, “the stuff I like to do doesn’t really belong on a stage. I mostly cover girl group dances, but in the end, I’ll dance to anything that catches my eye. I’m good at memorizing steps, I can look at a choreo once or twice and repeat it perfectly. The sequence at least.”

“Then do you practice together with Key-noona? She told me she liked those K-Pop dances as well.”

“Together with Key?” Kibum stayed silent for a moment, then he nodded. “I guess you could say it like that.”

“That’s so cool,” Taemin told him.

He knew that his eyes were starting to glow as he talked about dancing and that he was probably embarrassing himself, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t too often that he met people who were willing to listen to his opinions and dreams.

“What do you do, Min-ah?” Kibum then asked. “Your movements were pretty sharp the last time I saw you, but you looked flexible, too. What’s the story behind that?”

“Do you really want to know, hyung? I won’t shut up for an hour, so I’m warning you.”

“Of course I do, go on.”

“Well,” Taemin smiled, “I mostly do what Jongin does, though I lean a bit more towards contemporary while he likes ballet. We’re a team, though, a unit. We like to think up our choreos together and…”

Chapter Text

The next meeting with Key was awkward, to say the least. Taemin had really dreaded the day he would see her again and when it had finally come, after a week of getting tutored by Kibum, it was just as bad as Taemin had feared.

He didn’t know how to look Key in the eye anymore, let alone talk to her. There was always that feeling of betrayal in his gut – why had she never mentioned anything about her boyfriend?

Taemin felt like he had been deceived cruelly, although the rational part of him knew that wasn’t what had happened. He had simply developed a crush on an older girl and she just so happened to be taken. It was no wonder, really, considering how pretty and kind she was.

If Key noticed the change in Taemin’s behavior, she chose to ignore it and didn’t ask him about it. After the lesson, which was a lot shorter than usual, Taemin went back to school for dance practice.

That was where he met Jongin, who also seemed a bit grumpy.

“How was your lesson with noona?” he nonetheless asked, but before Taemin could give an adequate answer he had already turned away to start stretching.

Sighing, Taemin followed his example, knowing that the coach didn’t want to see him slacking off. There was a question on the tip of his tongue, though, one that he had been dying to ask ever since he had seen Key with her boyfriend.

“Jongin?” Taemin finally called.

“Huh?” His best friend looked at him, still pulling at his arm.

“So… Key-noona’s boyfriend – that Jonghyun-guy, you know. How… How long have they been together?” 

“Oh,” Jongin shrugged, “they’ve been together for ages. Since Key-noona was in middle school I think? Yeah, Jonghyun-hyung asked her out when she was fourteen or something, but they’ve been in love since forever ago.” 

As Jongin continued talking, Taemin’s heart sank. This was what he had feared – that Jonghyun and Key weren’t only a teenage romance; instead, they were in a solid relationship that didn’t seem like it would end anytime soon.

“You know, Jonghyun-hyung is one and a half years older than noona, but he never cared about their age difference, neither when they were in primary school nor now. A lot of girls asked him out, since Jonghyun used to be pretty popular around here, but he never even looked at them. 

“Hyung is one of the greatest persons I know, and he treats Key-noona well like she deserves! I wouldn’t want her to be with any other guy than him.”

“He sounds great,” Taemin commented with a sour smile, his insides churning.

Now he hated that puppy-man even more than before, after listening to Jongin. How could anyone be this perfect? If Jonghyun really was what he seemed to be, Taemin didn’t stand a chance – and he hated it.

Taemin spent the rest of the afternoon in a bad mood, but that was nothing new – these days he was always pissed off by the fact that Key would never be his. It was a shame, really, that the one time he fell this hard for someone, they happened to have a boyfriend they would most likely get married to in a few years.

_____________________________

The next few lessons with Key were very awkward and tiring, both due to the fact that Taemin’s English exam was next week and that he didn’t know what to talk about anymore. All he could think of was Key in Jonghyun’s embrace, her behind him on the motorbike, their linked hands as they strolled down the street.

He hated it so much.

“Hey, Taemin,” Key said softly the day before the exam. “Tomorrow…after you’ve done the exam and all…I wanna treat you.”

“Treat me?” Taemin asked, his voiced heavily laced with sarcasm. “Shouldn’t you wait till you see my results?”

Key shook her head.

“I don’t think so. You’ve been working so hard and you really improved, too. Our work just has to pay off! And I really think you deserve a treat. Besides, I want to introduce you to a few other people I think you’d get along with.

“So, I’d be glad if you came along tomorrow. But only if you want to, of course…”

She looked at him directly, a rare spark of vulnerability showing in her eyes, and Taemin hated it. He hated how he couldn’t refuse her, even after he had been led on.

“I-I’ll come,” he stuttered, although he knew Jonghyun would be there.

He didn’t want to be introduced to Key’s boyfriend, but she looked so hopeful that he didn’t have the heart to tell her no.

“Great!” she beamed. “You know the café near our school, the one that sells these delicious pastries the older students always eat for lunch? We’ll meet there at 4!”

“I’ll be there,” Taemin mumbled and was about to get up from the table when he suddenly felt a warm hand on his arm, keeping it in place for a few more seconds.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Key smiled and Taemin quickly averted her eyes, hoping he had just imagined the blush coating her cheeks.

____________________________

Despite everything he had ever told himself, Taemin made sure to dress up a bit before going to the café where he would meet Key. Jonghyun may be handsome, but he could look good, too, despite his age.

In the end, he exchanged his school uniform for a pair of black skinny jeans and a sweater topped by a leather jacket. He quickly swept his hair back, hoping Key would notice the change in style, before leaving the house to catch the bus to school.

When he arrived at the café, it was buzzing with activity and chatter, despite it being the middle of the week. A lot of university students seemed to be hanging out here and Taemin began to think it would be quite difficult to find Key in this sea of people.

Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice call his name, though, and he whipped around quickly, seeing Key standing a few meters away from him, waving.

Her eyes were squeezed shut as she smiled her very own dimply smile and Taemin’s heart immediately started racing. By now he had accepted that his feelings wouldn’t suddenly vanish just because she had a boyfriend, so he simply walked over to her.

“Hi,” he greeted, ready to sit down at the table, but to his surprise, Key pulled him into a hug.

Even through the thick knitted sweater she was wearing, he could feel the hem of her bra and the sensation made him blush hard.

“You made it,” Key happily said after letting him go. “I’m so glad.”

“So am I.”

That wasn’t even a lie. Taemin was incredibly happy he hadn’t turned her down yesterday – if he had, he would have never gotten to hug her like that.

“Please sit down, Minnie!”

Key gestured at the seat next to hers and it was only now that Taemin noticed the two other boys – men? – sitting at the table with his tutor. One of them was a guy he had never seen before with small eyes and a long fringe while the other was, unmistakably, Kibum’s best friend Choi Minho.

“So, Taemin, these are the people I told you about, the one I wanted to introduce you to. Hyung, Ming,” she nodded at the latter, “this is Taemin. He goes to school with u- With Minho.”

Taemin felt his cheeks grow even hotter under their curious gazes – he hated being put into the center of attention like that.

“Taemin-ah?”

Key’s voice made his head snap up.

“Huh?”

His face was burning, but no one laughed.

“Well, Taemin-ah, this is Minho – you may know him, he goes to your school. And this is Jinki… He graduated two years ago and is a university student.”

He’s four years older than me, Taemin vaguely managed to think. He must think I’m a child.

“Yah, I think I’ve seen you around!” Minho suddenly announced, startling him. “Weren’t you in the dancing room when we visited Bum there? You were with Jongin-ah, I remember you!”

“I suppose I was…” Taemin mumbled. “I…”

“Aww, you’re so shy,” Key cooed, “why are you like this? Usually, he’s a real brat. I love him, though, he is a charming devil.”

“Oh, you mean like me.”

Minho gave an exaggerated wink and Jinki immediately burst into laughter, Taemin following soon after. With that, the ice between them was broken and Taemin was finally able to get comfortable after some of the awkwardness had dissolved into thin air.

He soon realized that neither Minho nor Jinki seemed to mind his age and they were soon in the middle of a hilarious conversation. Key and Minho were definitely on one level when it came to witty comments and sarcasm – Taemin briefly wondered if Minho’s and Kibum’s relationship was like that as well – and they were constantly at each other’s throats, playfully of course.

Meanwhile, Jinki was actually a dork who liked to crack jokes that were so stupid that Taemin’s stomach began to ache from laughing too much. Time passed by so fast that it was soon getting dim outside, but none of them noticed.

It was only when Key suddenly stopped talking, her gaze wandering towards the door, that Taemin realized how many minutes had already passed.

The doorbell had just chimed, announcing the arrival of a new customer, and said customer was making his way towards their table, expertly worming his way through the sea of tables and chairs like a professional waiter.

“Oh, look who finally made it!”

Minho’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, but Key’s face had lightened up impossibly.

“You stupid, I told you to be here an hour ago!” she called, but her beam betrayed her, showing her true feelings.

When Jonghyun reached their table, the first thing Key did was pull him into a hug like she had with Taemin. However, this time she leant forward to press a short peck to Jonghyun’s plump lips.

“You’re finally here,” Taemin heard her whisper and suddenly, he wished he could leave.

Of course, Jonghyun sat down on Key’s other side, since their fingers were intertwined now. He was still wrapped up in a thick winter coat, though his cheeks were red from the cold anyway and so was the tip of his nose.

As much as Taemin wanted to hate this man, he had to admit he looked cute.

“So, Taemin…” Key turned back to him, her eyes gleaming with excitement. “Here’s another person I w-wanted you to meet.”

She was acting a lot shyer than before, her hands fiddling with Jonghyun’s fingers on her thigh.

“This is Jonghyun, my boyfriend.”

Chapter Text

Taemin wanted to hate Jonghyun. He wanted to despise him from the bottom of his heart, he wanted his name to become curseword, wanted to wish him the worst only.

However, Key’s boyfriend made it too damn hard.

When Jongin had told him about how great Jonghyun was, Taemin had wanted to punch a wall. The perfection that seemed to be Kim Jonghyun had made him feel aggravated because it was just unfair that someone could be so kind and good and handsome at the same time, so much better than Taemin.

Now that he had actually met him, though, Taemin couldn’t help but feel the same way about Jonghyun.

Key’s boyfriend was soft. His looks were, from his brown puppy eyes to his fluffy fringe, and his voice was. Speaking of his voice, it was the most beautiful sound Taemin had ever heard anywhere. He soon found out that Jonghyun liked to sing and again, he felt like the whole world was against him.

Of course, Key’s boyfriend had to have the voice of an angel. Of course, Taemin couldn’t possibly compete with him.

Other than that, Jonghyun fit into the group perfectly. He was a bit quieter than Minho and Key, but his retorts could get quite fierce and he definitely wasn’t a person who should be underestimated.

There was one thing that bothered Taemin, though, and that was the chemistry between him and Key, or rather the way he felt about it. Jonghyun and his girlfriend seemed to understand each other without words or gestures. They were so in tune with each other that it sometimes seemed like their minds were actually one.

Key seemed to know just what Jonghyun needed and her boyfriend in turn made her smile so effortlessly that Taemin should have felt jealous. But he didn’t.

It was very odd and even a bit unsettling that he didn’t feel envy when he looked at Key and Jonghyun. He had been prepared to hate the latter, to wish for what the other had what Taemin himself couldn’t have, but instead he felt at peace when he saw the couple interact.

Of course, he wished he was the one holding Key’s hand, but at the same time, he felt like Jonghyun was just right for her. A perfect boy for a perfect girl. In Taemin’s mind, it made sense, but it somehow also didn’t.

Why wasn’t he jealous? Why wasn’t he angry?

Before today, Taemin had been annoyed by the fact that Jonghyun was so superior to him. But that evening when he lay in bad, he just felt sad because he could never experience the connection Key and her boyfriend had.

In short, Taemin was confused. However, if he knew one thing for sure, it was how he felt about Key. After finding out she was taken, his feeling hadn’t withered at all. Instead, they were constantly growing and Taemin didn’t ever wish to end his friendship with her, as it was the most he could have.

_____________________________

The next day, two unexpected things happened. First of all, Jongin wasn’t at the bus stop in the morning and Taemin couldn’t shake off the weird feeling of being on his own all day.

He had become so used to going to school with his best friend and sitting through almost every lesson with him that he felt like something was missing now. Of course, there had been days when one of them hadn’t been at school, but today felt different – probably because Jongin hadn’t even warned him.

Due to his best friend`s absence, Taemin spent most of the morning on his own. In-between the short, meaningless conversations he had with his classmates, he realized that he had never really made an effort to make friends at his new school.

Dance practice and English tutoring had taken up so much of his time that he hadn’t noticed the passing of weeks, and now everyone had found their group of friends except for him.

Again, Taemin cursed Jongin for not showing up earlier, but he figured there was nothing he could do anyway. At lunch, he carried his tray with cafeteria food to the far end of a table where no one had sat down so far.

He had already accepted his fate of eating alone and was about to dig in when he suddenly heard a shout from somewhere close to him.

“Yah!”

Even though he wasn’t sure if the person had meant him, Taemin turned around – only for the second unusual thing to happen. Choi Minho was marching towards his table with his tray and an unnerving grin on his face.

“Hyung?”

Taemin knew he probably looked stupid staring at Minho like that, but he couldn’t believe his eyes. Why would Kibum’s best friend, who he had officially been introduced to only yesterday, choose to sit with him at lunch?

“Move over, kid!” Minho commanded and Taemin was too surprised to question him, simply obeying.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Taemin finally managed to ask.

“Well,” Minho chewed, and, mind you, the food in his mouth did not look appetizing at all, “you were sitting here all on your own and we felt bad.”

“We?”

“Please excuse this pig’s manners!” another familiar voice suddenly rang out to Taemin and a second later, Kibum plopped down onto the chair opposite him with his own tray. “I’ve been trying to teach him how to behave for years, but he won’t listen.”

“Because you’re not my mum!”

“I feel like I am, though.”

No matter how flabbergasted he had been only a few moments ago, now Taemin couldn’t help laughing at his seniors’ interaction. He had been right when he had suspected that Key’s relationship with Minho was the same as Kibum’s with the tall male.

They kept bickering for a bit, hissing fake insults and mocking each other whenever they could.

It’s been a while since Jongin and I last were like that, Taemin realized and couldn’t help feeling a pang of guilt in his chest. He really should spend more time with Jongin, but he only missed his best friend now that he wasn’t there.

“By the way, Taemin, you didn’t tell me how your English exam went?” Kibum suddenly turned to him.

Taemin blushed a bit when he remembered Key asking him the same question yesterday. He had forgotten to answer it then.

“Ah, it went well I guess,” he awkwardly replied. “I’m not great at English and you know that, but I had to do one exercise that was just like the one we did together, so I think was able to do it well…”

“Yeah, I know the teacher through a few friends and she always uses the same kind of exercises. I’m glad you were able to transfer your knowledge, though.”

“Me, too, hyung, I hope I’ll pass this class so I can dance a bit more. Even though that means I won’t be able to come visit you as often.”

Taemin felt more than sad at that thought, but he told himself not to worry yet. First, he had to wait for his results and then everything else would work out somehow – he couldn’t imagine cutting all ties with Key, or her brother for that matter, anyway.

“You know, I’m failing English, too,” Minho suddenly admitted.

“Yeah, but that’s because you’re dumb and lazy!”

“You’re talking about the school’s sport prodigy right now. Who’s applying for a scholarship for volleyball? It surely isn’t you…”

“He keeps making fun of me because I’m bad at P.E.,” Kibum pouted. “But I just don’t like sweating and embarrassing myself in front of a group of teenagers.”

“God, would you stop complaining already. When did you last attend our P.E. class? Last year?”

“But hyung, if you don’t like sweating then why do you dance?”

“I’m a complicated person, Taemin-ah,” Kibum chuckled. “Dancing is the only exception because it looks pretty.”

“You are pretty, hyung.”

“Are you trying to inflate his giant head even more, Taemin-ah? It’s going to burst one day.”

Minho poked Kibum’s forehead and his best friend laughed, his dimples showing beside the corners of his mouth.

“Are you going to dance practice later, Taeminnie?”

“Yeah, will you be there, hyung?”

Kibum shook his head apologetically, biting his lip.

“Sorry, I don’t think so. I’m staying over at Jjong’s – Jonghyun-hyung’s – tonight and we wanted to go to the city together this afternoon.”

At the mention of Jonghyun, Minho’s expression changed. His brow furrowed and he glanced at Key with serious eyes that were full of worry.

“Is your dad home tonight?”

Kibum just hummed affirmatively and Minho nodded, contented with the piece of information he had received. Taemin, on the other hand, couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something here.

He had listened to Minho’s and Kibum’s entire conversation, yet the last exchange of words between them didn’t make any sense to him. What was so special about Kibum’s dad being home? And why had Minho looked so concerned all of a sudden?

“Stop worrying your head off, Taemin-ah, you’re going to get wrinkles,” Kibum suddenly told him.

The older boy stretched out his hand to smooth out the skin of Taemin’s forehead. His palm felt warm and soft, just like his sister’s.

“I- I was just wondering why Jongin-ah wasn’t here today,” Taemin quickly said. For some reason he didn’t want Kibum to know that he had been thinking about him. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

“Oh, Nini felt sick this morning so he stayed at home,” Kibum quickly told him. “That’s also the reason why my dad is coming home earlier than usual. I… You know I have a bad immune system so I usually try to stay over at someone else’s place when Jongin’s sick.”

He laughed a bit and though Taemin wondered what Key would do if her brother was staying with her boyfriend, he felt like things were making a bit more sense now. At least he had an idea about why Minho had acted so weird just now – he was probably just worried about Kibum’s health.

Satisfied with the conclusion he had come to, Taemin turned back to his food and began to eat the leftover noodles in his bowl. The only thing that was still bugging him was the fact that Jongin hadn’t considered it necessary to tell him about his whereabouts.

But, Taemin told himself, if Jongin wanted to be grumpy then he would let him be. After all, he had Minho and Kibum to hang out with.

_______________________

Since Jongin didn’t attend school the next few days either, Taemin spent a lot of time around Minho and Kibum. At first he had been afraid that his two seniors would get sick of his presence soon, but against his social character, Kibum didn’t seem to have many friends apart from Minho and the tall boy stuck to his side for most of the day.

If he wasn’t searching for the two older boys, Taemin could be found at the dance studio where he practiced for his upcoming performance. His mother had agreed to let him dance if Key didn’t have time for him, which was the case since Jongin was still sick and his sister didn’t want Taemin to fall ill too according to Kibum.

“Don’t worry, Taemin-ah, you’re good enough at English now,” he had told him in the hallway earlier. “You won’t fail the subject, I’m sure about that.”

“You did well today,” his coach said to Taemin when the team had wrapped up their practice, putting their things into their bags or heading off to the showers already. “It’s good to have you here more often. Are your grades better now?”

“I don’t know yet,” Taemin replied. As an afterthought, he added, “but Kibum-hyung – who’s also tutoring me – told me I was good to go.”

“You’re talking about Kim Kibum from twelfth grade, right?” the coach inquired. 

When Taemin nodded, the man let out a hum.

“I encounter him here at the practice room a lot, but in all the years he’s been attending the school, I couldn’t get him to join our team. Weird fellow…”

He trailed off and Taemin realized with a frown that Kibum seemed to be infamous at the school. His English teacher had made weird comments about him as well when they had last spoken to each other, but Taemin didn’t understand why.

From what he knew, Kibum had transferred schools sometime in tenth grade and ever since he had been the top student in his grade. If he got such good marks, why wouldn’t the teachers stop looking at him weirdly?

“Anyway, if you see him, please tell Jongin to come talk to me once he’s healthy again,” the coach’s voice suddenly pulled Taemin out of his thoughts. “I’m positive he will be able to do the choreography, but he’s still missing out on practice.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him!” Taemin quickly promised before getting up from the floor. “Tomorrow, we have practice too, right?”

“That’s right. Will I see you there?”

“Of course!”

“That’s good to know.”

The coach dismissed Taemin with a wave and the boy sped off, clutching onto the strings of his exercise bag. It was already quite late and he wanted to get home on time for dinner, since his mother had promised to make his favorite food for him, but he still had to get his schoolbag out of his locker.

Miraculously, Taemin still managed to catch the early bus, which meant he would get home half an hour before dinner. As he sat on his seat, he suddenly wondered if he should go over to Jongin’s house for a bit.

He honestly wasn’t in the mood to do so since his best friend hadn’t even told him he was sick, but at the same time, he felt like he should at least deliver the coach’s message to Jongin.

Maybe Jongin will be happy if I make the first move to talk to him, Taemin thought. I haven’t talked to him in a while.

Thus it was decided. Taemin got off one stop earlier than usual, though the way to Jongin’s house felt as familiar as the way to his own home. He had walked down these roads so many times after school whenever Key tutored him – Taemin knew the way by heart.

When he reached his best friend’s house, he noticed that the garage door was closed for once. It only made sense, though, since Kibum had mentioned his father being home to take care of Jongin and Taemin didn’t think much of it.

He wondered if Key was home, though. Since her brother was staying with Jonghyun, she technically had to be, but maybe she had gone over to her other friend’s house – was his name Jinki?

He had been at the café with them and Taemin was honestly curious how he and Key had gotten to know each other.

Taemin stepped up to the front door and rang the bell, only having to wait a few moments before the door was opened. Jongin’s father stood in front of him, frowning.

“Hi, I’m Taemin,” Taemin introduced himself in case the man didn’t remember him. “I’m Jongin’s best friend and I’m here to tell him our dance instructor wants to speak to him when he comes back to school. He’s also supposed to complete these exercises for Maths until next Monday.”

He stretched out his hand, waiting for Jongin’s father to take the sheet out of his hand.

“Thank you for bringing these over. I’m sure Jongin will be back at school next week.”

Taemin nodded, but didn’t move an inch, which made the frown on Jongin’s father’s face deepen.

“Is there anything else you need?” 

“Please tell him to get well soon. And…is Key home?”

He couldn’t help himself – the question had just slipped out of his mouth. Taemin hadn’t seen Key in almost a week and he already missed her terribly.

“Kibum isn’t here at the moment,” Jongin’s father responded pointedly. “Shouldn’t you be calling him ‘hyung’, though?”

“But I asked if Key was-“

“And I gave you an answer. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”

“But-“

“I have to go back inside to make dinner now. Thanks for going out of your way to wish my son well, Taemin-ah. Have a nice weekend.”

And with that, Jongin’s father closed the door right in front of Taemin’s face. The boy’s shoulders slumped as he stared at the wooden surface before his eyes – this wasn’t what he had expected.

He didn’t know why Jongin’s father had reacted so harshly when he had asked about Key, but something was weird about this whole thing. Why had he told Taemin about Kibum? Didn’t he care about his daughter?

Suddenly, Taemin remembered the time he had come to Jongin’s house to find Key crying her eyes out. Later, she had told him she had had a fight with her father – a bad one, apparently, considering how wrecked it had left her.

That evening, Taemin returned home with a sour taste in his mouth and a frown on his face. Even though he knew he was probably overreacting, he really hoped that Key was okay and that she hadn’t fought with her father again. Taemin didn’t want her to be sad all on her own, especially when her boyfriend was hanging out with her twin brother.

Chapter Text

“Hyung!” Taemin greeted Minho from afar when he saw him leaning against a locker with a bored expression.

Jongin had been back at school for about a week now, but he seemed to disappear a lot so Taemin was left on his own again. Therefore, he was happy he had found Minho, especially as his nerves had been plaguing him all morning – today, he would receive the results of his English exam.

When he came closer, Taemin realized that Kibum was there, too. He stood beside Minho, talking to someone on the phone.

“Minho-hyung!” Taemin repeated when he reached his senior. “I’m getting my exam results next lesson and I-“

“Shh, be quiet for a second, Taemin-ah,” Minho hushed him quickly. “You can tell me when Kibum’s off the phone.”

“Oh right, sorry.”

Taemin obediently shut up and although he wasn’t doing so deliberately, he found himself listening to Kibum’s conversation, or at least the part he could hear. Jongin’s brother sounded a bit shaken and more emotional than usual, but his words gave away that he had been worse off earlier this day.

“I promise I’m alright, Jjong!” Kibum spoke into the phone. “And no, you’re not going to come pick me up, you stupid dinosaur. I’ll survive – I’ve gotten through worse, you of all people should know that…yeah, no, I’ll be alright. We can see each other tonight if you want to, maybe I can sleep over.”

Taemin frowned. In the course of the last week, he had witnessed just how close Kibum was with Key’s boyfriend. It was weird – Taemin felt like he saw the two boys interact a lot more than he saw Key with Jonghyun.

Of course, that may have been because Jonghyun didn’t go to their school and neither did Key – Taemin only saw Jongin’s sister during their lessons in the afternoon – but he still couldn’t drive away the weird feeling that had settled in his chest.

Something was off, Taemin knew it.

It wasn’t only the fact that Kibum and Jonghyun were together all the time, the younger sleeping over or being picked up from school by Key’s boyfriend – Taemin had also overheard a few conversations between Minho and Kibum already, and each time, he had felt like he was missing something.

At first, he had been able to follow just fine, but at some point, the words being exchanged between Minho and Kibum just hadn’t made sense anymore.

It was like everyone had a secret and Taemin was the only one who didn’t know – and frankly, he hated it.

“Don’t worry now, okay?” Kibum’s soft voice wormed its way into his brain. “You don’t have to, Jjongie, I promise I’m fine.”

There it was again, the odd fondness in Kibum’s tone that appeared whenever he was talking about Jonghyun.

“Thank you. You’re the best, do you know that? I…” Kibum cleared his throat. “I’ll see you later. Bye.”

After hanging up, he stepped over to Minho and Taemin, greeting them with a lopsided smile.

“Sorry I took so long.”

“Don’t worry, we don’t mind,” Minho gently told his best friend as he wrapped an arm around Kibum’s shoulder.

Again, Taemin didn’t understand why Kibum was being treated like he could break any moment – but now he remembered what he had wanted to tell Minho a few minutes ago and his mind was immediately occupied with the dooming horror of his next lesson.

“You’re looking a bit nervous, Taemin-ah,” Kibum immediately noted. “Are you alright?”

The younger boy let out a nervous laugh, but Kibum’s soft gaze made him feel a little better.

“Yeah, hyung. It’s just that I’m getting my exams next lesson and…”

_______________________________

“I’m so proud of you, Taem!”

Key smiled one of her dimpled smiles that made Taemin’s heart flutter. She was looking great today, with rosy cheeks and gleaming eyes as she looked at the paper placed in front of her.

She thoroughly scanned it, her brow furrowing slightly, and Taemin felt his heart drop – what if she found any mistakes? However, when she looked up at him, she was still wearing a gentle smile and with a racing heart, Taemin returned it.

“I-Is it good?”

He was as nervous as he had been during their first ever lesson, even though he had done so well getting used to Key’s presence in the last few weeks. However, now that they finally were to reap the benefits of their hard work, he felt a whole new sense of anxiety creeping up on him.

“Aww, you’re so nervous,” Key pointed out, making Taemin blush. “You don’t have to be – this is…you did great! I’m so proud of you, Minnie!”

Her words sounded so genuine that Taemin couldn’t help but beam with pride. Of course, he had been happy when he had seen his results on the English exam, but Key’s approval made everything a million times better.

“You deserve a treat!” Key quickly decided as she got up from her chair. “How about I get the two of us some icecream? It’s been pleasantly warm outside these last days.”

She was right – finally, the weather seemed to have realized it was time for a change and although Taemin didn’t trust the sun yet, he was grateful for the warmth the beams brought to him. Another benefit was the fact that he would get to see Key in more different outfits than before.

Taemin was aware he probably sounded like a pervert, but he honestly didn’t mean it like that. Of course, he had fantasized about Key – which teenager wouldn’t, really? – but when it came to clothes, Taemin just really loved looking at her.

She had told him she was into fashion, sometimes tailoring her own pieces, and Taemin definitely had to admit she had a great sense of fashion – just like her twin.

“Okay, here comes the most important question?” Key suddenly called from the kitchen counter. “Chocolate or vanilla?”

Taemin heard her giggle and quickly went over to her.

“Hmh…” he hummed to create suspense. “I think…chocolate!”

Key clapped her hands in delight.

“You’re so smart! Can you believe my moron of a boyfriend likes vanilla better? And he refuses to eat pineapple on pizza?”

“Scandalous.”

Taemin mirrored her shocked expression for only a second; then the two of them burst into laughter.

“Jjong is hopeless!” Key giggled. “With clothes, too. Sometimes I have to dress him up – he would leave the house wearing two different kinds of shoes, but I won’t let that happen.”

“You must be having a hard time with him,” Taemin joked.

The fact that not even the mention of Jonghyun could dampen his mood was another indicator for his high spirits. He felt great, a bit dizzy from success and too light, as if he had gotten drunk on his success.

“Now tell me, Taeminnie, how did you do so well on your paper that you got a B? Last time I checked, you didn’t even know how to spell your own name.”

“Stop, noona,” Taemin whined, “that’s not even true. I’m not supposed to transfer Hangul into English anyway. I didn’t cheat on the exam, it’s just that I’m really this amazing.”

“Yes, I know that…”

Key trailed off, her gaze still resting on Taemin’s face. The eye contact made him a bit nervous – it felt different from usual, more tense and full of meaning.

“Anyway, let me finish these really quick.”

Key nodded at the two bowls and Taemin let her continue her work. In all honesty, he was pretty hungry after all.

Minutes later, the two of them were digging into the unhealthy snack Key had prepared, all the while bickering about Taemin’s English exam. The boy was really proud of himself and he knew his teacher had been pleasantly surprised by his result, too, but at the same time, he couldn’t help feeling a little sad.

After all, his good grade meant he wouldn’t need Key anymore. He would get to dance and really be part of his team – but would it be as fun if he couldn’t see Key?

“What are you thinking about?” Jongin’s sister inquired in a soft voice. “You look a bit troubled.”

“I’m just…”

It didn’t matter if he told her the truth, Taemin realized.

“I’m thinking about our lessons. I won’t be able to see you a lot from now on, even if my parents agree to let me take more tutoring lessons after this exam.” 

“You know, I’d do it without payment,” Key quietly said. “I really like you, Taemin. You probably don’t need me to help you anymore, but I really enjoy spending time with you.”

She looked at him, her eyes wide and dark, and there it was again – the odd sense of connection that Taemin had felt before finding out about her boyfriend. It was the reason he had gotten his hopes up in the first place.

However, now it was different because he knew he couldn’t have Key – she had a boyfriend after all. Why did he feel like they shared something special, then? Taemin was convinced Key loved Jonghyun. She would never cheat on him, not even in her wildest dreams.

“We can meet up in our spare time…” Taemin suggested after clearing his throat.

A lump had formed there and although he had tried to swallow it, it wouldn’t disappear.

“Like friends. I really liked going to that café with you. I like Minho-hyung too. And Jinki-ssi and Jonghyun-ssi seem nice enough. And even if they aren’t, I’d still go there for you.”

Taemin’s breath hitched. For a moment, he feared he had given away too much about the true feelings he harbored for Key. His little speech had sounded too cheesy, like a confession almost, and he already regretted making it.

However, the relief in Key’s eyes made up for all of his worries and doubts.

“Thank you, Minnie. I- That really means a lot. Maybe we can meet up once a week if that’s okay for you. I don’t care about the day or the time, just tell me and I’ll try to make it happen.”

“That sounds good! Really good!”

Even though he was so happy, Taemin suddenly felt the urge to cry. His emotions were so overwhelming and confusing to him that his chest contracted painfully when he looked at Key, at her beautiful face, and realized she liked him too.

Even if she didn’t love him back, they still had a deeper connection. And if that was all Taemin could ever get, he was more than happy with it.

“Would you look at the time,” Key suddenly spoke up, successfully making the tense atmosphere in the room vanish. “I’m sorry but I’m going to see someone later and I still need to take a shower. I hope you don’t mind leaving this early. I’ll text you so we can agree on a date to meet up. Will you be okay on your own?”

“Don’t worry, noona,” Taemin smiled, “I know my way around the house by now. You can go shower.”

“Alright, you’re honestly too kind, Taeminnie! See you soon.”

Key waved hectically at him before skipping off, leaving the dirty bowls on the table. Taemin carried them to the sink, something he would never voluntarily do at his own home, before he began to collect his things. The result sheet went into his bag as well as a pencil and an eraser.

Suddenly, Taemin frowned. He knew he had taken out his pen earlier, the one that his grandfather had given to him, but now it was nowhere to be seen. He looked everywhere, under the table, on the chairs, but didn’t find it.

He knew he had to get it back if he didn’t want his mother to get angry, so Taemin figured he could ask Key – maybe she remembered where he had left it.

Thinking for a moment, he grabbed his bag and started to wander into the hallway. However, this time he didn’t turn left like usual and took the stairs instead. He had only ever been upstairs twice when he had visited Jongin’s room, but he still remembered that all the bedrooms were on the second floor.

Trusting himself to find Key’s room somehow, Taemin made his way up the stairs. He looked around for a moment, realizing that her dad had to sleep in the room at the end of the corridor while Jongin’s was the one next to the bathroom.

It honestly wasn’t too hard to find Key’s room since the door was open so that he could peek inside easily. At first, Taemin wanted to march in there immediately, but suddenly Key walked into his field of vision and he saw that she was in the middle of undressing.

She was still wearing her jeans, but her hands were in the middle of unbuttoning her blouse.

As if he had been possessed, Taemin froze. He didn’t make a noise, simply staring at his crush as her fingers continued to do their work. 

A part of him knew that this was wrong, that he shouldn’t be spying on a anyone like a pervert, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off Key. His heart was beating way too fast, racing inside his chest, as he watched her rid herself of the blouse.

Beneath the fabric, her skin was exposed in all of its milky glory and Taemin realized how bony she was. Her back bones were sticking out from under her skin yet he couldn’t help being mesmerized by the way they moved whenever she shifted into another position.

Stop it, Taemin, you’re destroying everything! Taemin could hear his voice of reason scream somewhere in his head.

Could his voice of reason even scream? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted to leave but couldn’t, his eyes still fixated on Key. One look, he just wanted to see her once.

He knew how wrong this was and already hated himself for it – if she ever found out what he had done, their friendship would undoubtedly be over. Yet Taemin was too weak.

He stood there like a statue as an oblivious Key discarded her bra. The item of clothing dropped onto the bed along with something else that Taemin couldn’t identify. He didn’t care anyway.

Key was on the verge of turning around and he knew this was the moment for him to turn and run away. Suddenly, Key gripped her hair – and Taemin couldn’t suppress a gasp.

His jaw dropped when the wig hit the ground, dark hair spilling out from beneath and framing Key’s face. Taemin must have been noisy, because she immediately spun around.

That was when Taemin was finally struck by the realization – in front of him, where Key had been just a second ago, stood Kibum. He was undoubtedly a boy, his chest as flat as Taemin’s own, but then again, how could he be?

Key was a girl, Taemin knew it – or had everything been a lie?

Kibum’s face had been drained of all color, in stark contrast to his black hair. His eyebrow scar was peeking out between his bangs and there was no doubt anymore. This was Kibum, Key was Kibum.

Taemin turned around and ran. He sprinted, down the stairs and out of the house without putting his shoes on. He could hear Kibum’s faint voice calling after him, but the sound only made his legs move faster.

With his heart beating painfully hard in his chest, he ran until he was about to collapse. Only then, he halted, gasping for breath while frantically blinking away the tears that had formed in his eyes.

Taemin was at a loss for what to do.

This was the worst, worse than anything he had lived through so far. The person he had fallen in love with was a lie, nothing more than a character in a drama – or was she not? In any case, Taemin had fallen for an illusion, for a lie that he had been told, and that was what hurt the most, even more than the guilt that gnawed at him as he staggered home.

Chapter Text

18 hours – that was the time Taemin had spent in his room without coming out so far. Yesterday evening he had immediately locked himself in after coming home with aching soles and freezing hands. Ever since then, he hadn’t come out again.

When his mother had knocked on his door at 06:30 in the morning he had snapped at her, claiming he felt sick.

In all honesty, that was very close to his actual condition.

Taemin was lost. His thought hadn’t given him a break in almost a day yet an answer to all of his questions was nowhere to be seen.

By now, he had spent so many thoughts on yesterday’s events that they felt surreal to him, like they hadn’t occurred at all. What were the odds that his crush, who was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, turned out to be a boy? – not to mention that she was the person he had thought was her twin brother.

The whole thing sounded so weirdly complicated that Taemin could hardly suppress a humorless laugh. Had this scene been part of one of the dramas his mother liked to watch, he wouldn’t have been surprised.

Except, Taemin was almost sure that the whole thing had definitely happened – why else would his feet be burning like someone had set them on fire?

Once again, the boy slowly spun round in his chair, which he hadn’t left last night. His thoughts had kept him occupied for many hours until he had finally fallen asleep on his desk, with his head buried in his arms.

The result was an achy and tense back, but Taemin hardly noticed. He was too caught up reliving the scene that had unfolded at Jongin’s house yesterday.

With a bitter snort, Taemin remembered how he had watched Key – Kibum? – like an old pervert. He still didn’t know which demon had possessed him then. He wasn’t a bad guy, but good persons didn’t spy on their crush changing their clothes without their consent.

However, the outcome of the situation had been entirely different from what Taemin had imagined. Even now, he kept thinking up worst-case scenarios that could have occurred – if Key hadn’t turned out to be a boy. If she hadn’t been Kibum all along. If she hadn’t been lying to Taemin from the very beginning.

Accepting that Key wasn’t a real person was the hardest challenge Taemin had ever faced in his life. He had spent months thinking about the girl, wanting her to be his, loving her from afar.

Actually, that made him sound like a pervert, too. Maybe he was one. After so many hours of being alone with his own thoughts, Taemin was ready to believe anything.

Key wasn’t real. There was only Kibum. But what did that mean for his feelings?

The latter was another one of the questions Taemin kept asking himself. He had accepted long ago that he was attracted to both girls and boys, yet he still wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel now.

He had fallen in love with Key. He had hoped while she had been lying to him. He had spent time with Kibum but his mind had always been occupied with Key – or hadn’t it?

Taemin sighed deeply when a grumbling sound erupted from his stomach and disturbed the eerie silence his parents had left him in. They were at work, of course they were. They didn’t know their son was stuck in the middle of a crisis that he feared he would never overcome.

What irked Taemin the most of all things was the fact that so many things made sense now. He had noticed just how close Kibum and Jonghyun seemed to be. Of course they were close; after all, they were boyfriends.

Suddenly, Taemin was able to remember a whole lot of other situations too in which the people around him had acted weird. They had stuttered when referring to Key or completely interrupted themselves before they could give anything away.

Taemin was sure everyone knew about Key, about Kibum, and he had been the only deceived one. Jonghyun knew, Minho knew, Jinki knew, his teachers knew – why else would they have made such strange comments?

And Jongin knew.

There was no way to deny his best friend had been one of the first persons to lie to Taemin. He had never had two older siblings but when Kibum had introduced himself as Key, Jongin had gone along with it instantly.

What had Taemin done to deserve this? Why had everyone lied to him? What was the purpose of Key’s existence? Was she a role Kibum liked to play?

Taemin run his hands through his hair with a frustrated sigh. The disappointment of having been lied to weighed down on him heavily, even though a small voice in the back of his head kept telling him he wasn’t the one who should be angry.

However, Taemin didn’t care. His head was messed up, filled with too many thoughts and too many questions and he wondered if anyone could ever change that.

____________________________

“Taemin-ah?”

It had been three days. Three days since the incident. In those three days, Taemin had only left his room a handful of times. He had sneaked downstairs to get something to eat but apart from that, the only room he had gone to was the small bathroom adjoining to his room.

“Taemin-ah?”

That was his mother’s voice. She had called him often in the last three days, trying to coax him out of his room, yet to no avail. Apart from telling her he felt sick, Taemin refused to speak to her.

“Are you feeling okay right now?” she asked through the closed door and the genuine worry in her voice should have made Taemin feel guilty. It didn’t.

“Hmh,” he hummed.

He would have turned her down like he had before, but he suddenly had a hunch that maybe this time was different from the other times she had tried to talk to him. After all, she wasn’t attempting to convince him to go and see a doctor or anything along those lines.

“There’s a guest for you, Taemin-ah,” his mother said, her voice still muffled by the wood that separated her from her son. “He asked to see you.”

Taemin vaguely remembered the doorbell chiming a few minutes ago, though he had hardly taken notice of it then. Once again, he had been spinning on his chair, brooding over the last few days and wallowing in self-pity.

It was Friday. His dance instructor was probably mad at him for not showing up to practice in such a long time.

“Who is it?” Taemin asked back after a few second.

He couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to see him, let alone taking it upon themselves to go all the way to his house. His friends had all been lying to him apparently, so it couldn’t be any of them – or could it?

Maybe it’s Jongin, Taemin thought just when his mother answered.

“It’s- He said he’s Jongin-ah’s brother. Kibum? Yeah, that’s right, Kibum.”

The familiar name was all it took for Taemin’s mind to go into overdrive. His head started spinning and he had to close his eyes for a moment, afraid that he would black out from the impact of his shock.

Kibum was here. He was here to talk to Taemin. What would he say?

“I-I’m busy,” Taemin quickly choked out.

His voice sounded unstable all of a sudden and he hoped to god his mother hadn’t noticed. Taemin felt heat rising up his neck and cheeks and his hands were shaking slightly – he absolutely couldn’t talk to Kibum right now.

“Are you sure, Minnie?”

The term of endearment felt like a knife to Taemin’s chest and he had to squeeze his eyes shut from the pain. Why wouldn’t his mother leave him alone?

“He looked really distraught, I’d feel bad to make him leave again. I told him you’re not feeling well but- Could you talk to him, Taemin? Please?”

Each new word of hers was poison. Taemin hated it, he hated that he suddenly felt like a weight had been dropped onto his chest, keeping him from breathing in. He hated that he didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do about the fact that Kibum was waiting for him right in front of his house.

“I really can’t, Eomma!” he somehow got out as he got up from his chair, frantically searching for a place to hide.

The bathroom – perfect!

Taemin slipped inside quickly and shut the door, which made it more difficult to hear his mother’s reply. Still, he could sense her disappointment as she told him to sleep. Then she left and Taemin was alone again.

He stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes, even though he wasn’t sure why. Taemin didn’t have an answer as to why was heart was rapidly pounding in his chest and why his palms were so sweaty and cold.

A shiver ran down his spine and he shuddered uncomfortably, blinking a few times to get rid of the unpleasant feeling. He wasn’t ready to talk to Kibum, not when he still didn’t have any answers.

His own thoughts just made him more confused and even though he longed to find out why Kibum had lied to him, he couldn’t bring himself to talk to Jongin’s brother yet. That, and the burning disappointment that came with knowing that Key was gone held Taemin back from going downstairs and facing Kibum like a man.

After a while, he finally dared to walk out of the bathroom, but instead of plopping down onto his chair again he chose the bed where he lay down and buried his face in his blankets.

However, as nothing seemed to come out of that, Taemin finally decided he had to do something. Maybe he should go downstairs and get himself a hot drink – ever since his mother had called him, he had been feeling unreasonably cold, but a coffee could change that.

That was one of the things Key had taught him during their tutoring lessons.

Dismissing the memory with a bitter half-smirk, Taemin dragged himself towards the door and out into the hallway for the first time in hours. His sock-padded feet made no sound as they slid across the shiny floor. Taemin didn’t want to be noticed by his mother, who would just ask him questions about earlier.

Taemin had made it halfway down the stairs when he suddenly heard quiet voices coming from the living room. From the spot where he was standing, he could peer through the gap between the door and its frame and what he saw made him freeze instantly.

Two people appeared to be sitting at the table, one of them being his mother while the other one was, unmistakably, Kibum.

Taemin wanted to turn on the spot and flee into the safety of his room again. However, it was as if some strange force had taken over his body now. His feet moved on their own, one step down, then another step and soon enough he was staggering towards the living room like a zombie.

Why had his mother even let Kibum in?

Jongin’s brother was the first one to notice Taemin’s presence. It showed in the way he suddenly stopped talking, his eyes wide and fixated on a spot behind Taemin’s mother – the spot where her son was standing right now.

Taemin’s face felt as though it had been made of stone, incapable of showing expressions. What was even worse, though, was the fact that all of Kibum’s emotions were reflected on his face. His expression changed from surprise to perplexity to a look of deep insecurity and all the while, Kibum looked more vulnerable than Taemin had ever seen him before,

His mother must have noticed her son too by now and she really turned around, smiling softly as if to thank him for coming.

“I’m gonna leave you two alone now that Taemin is here,” she spoke as she got up from her chair. “If you need any more tea, feel free to call me, Kibum-ah.”

She gave Jongin’s brother another look before turning around and leaving just like she had announced. The moment she closed the door behind her, the atmosphere in the room changed. Suddenly, there was a kind of tension that Taemin hadn’t even imagined in his worst nightmares.

He felt even colder now, but didn’t act on the urge of getting himself a blanket from the couch. After all, Kibum was only dressed in a thin jacket – he must be freezing.

As he avoided the older boy’s gaze at all costs, Taemin’s eyes landed on the cup in front of Kibum which was, surprisingly, filled with tea. All the other times Taemin had met him, Key, in the afternoon, he had preferred coffee, so why had he resorted to drinking tea?

Maybe it was because Taemin’s family didn’t own a fancy coffee machine. Or he felt like something new was needed in this situation. Taemin almost laughed out loud at his own thoughts.

Here he was, seriously wondering about Kibum’s drinking habits when there was another matter hanging in the air between them like a thick, dark raincloud.

“Taemin-ah,” Kibum finally said and the all-too-familiar sound of his voice made goosebumps appear on Taemin’s skin. “I-I’m sorry for coming here like this. Without a warning and all…”

He was looking down, though Taemin didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like Kibum couldn’t stand looking him in the eye, was it?

He stayed silent, waiting for Kibum to elaborate. Taemin was aware of how cruel he was being, but at the same time he couldn’t think of anything to say. It was as if his tongue had been tied in his mouth.

“I think I have some serious explaining to do,” Kibum quietly went on.

One of his hands appeared from under the table, his fingers carding through his dark hair as he spoke.

“But first of all, I wanted to say sorry. You- I never meant for it to end up like this. I didn’t…”

He took a deep, shaky breath and for a moment, Taemin feared he was going to start crying. But instead, Kibum just talked.

“What you saw three days ago, that- that must’ve been confusing and hard for you to accept. You’re probably still confused, so that’s why I’m here. To t-tell you that…well… I’m-“

He breathed out again.

“I’m not a boy. Or at least I don’t feel like one.”

“What?”

At first, Taemin was sure he hadn’t heard right. He must have misunderstood what Kibum had just said, seeing as his words did not make any sense.

“I’m not a boy,” Kibum repeated, only sounding more insecure this time and that was when Taemin realized it couldn’t have been a fault.

This was real. Kibum had just contradicted what Taemin could perceive with his own eyes.

However, his statement made Taemin’s brain start to work. During all this time he had spent asking himself questions, he hadn’t once considered Key being anything more than an illusion.

He had assumed Kibum had been playing a sick little game of dress up, but now things finally dawned on him. Taemin knew there were people who felt like they were born with the wrong sex, though he had never met anyone like that. After all, the topic was very frowned upon in South Korea.

But maybe Kibum was actually like that. Maybe Kibum was a girl stuck inside a boy’s body – things suddenly began to make sense to Taemin.

“S-so, you’re not Kibum?” he tentatively asked, not sure how to address Jongin’s sibling now that he – she? – had outed himself. “You’re…a girl.”

To his surprise, Kibum shook his head. He looked defeated.

“I wish it was that easy, but it’s not. If you are willing to listen, I’ll try to explain it to you today. Or at least parts of it. It’s kind of a complicated story that can’t be told within a single hour.”

“Of course I’ll listen,” Taemin quickly said.

All of the anger he had felt seemed to have vanished, replaced by an odd sense of curiosity. Even though he had felt betrayed, Taemin wanted to know what was going on and Kibum was about to give him answers.

“Are you sure? Your reaction three days ago was pretty…harsh.”

“Of course I am sure!”

It was like their tutoring lesson all over again, when Taemin had told Key about his passion for dancing. He remembered being unsure at first, but after she had reassured him over and over again, he had told her.

“Hy- Kibum,” he said, in a voice that didn’t sound like his own.

It was more mature than it had been before and if he was honest, Taemin wasn’t sure if he was actually in his living room talking to Kibum. Sometimes, he felt like he was watching the scene from afar rather than being a part of it.

“I really want to hear it,” he said. “I was very surprised, but now I’m confused and…I want answers. I need answers, so please give them to me.”

“Alright…”

Kibum breathed out, as if he wanted to collect all of his strength. He stared into his cup for a few seconds before he finally opened his mouth and started to speak.

“So…As I said, I’m not a boy, or I don’t feel like one. Maybe that’s easier to grasp. But I’m not a girl either, not really. It’s just…”

He swallowed hard, then went on.

“I don’t know what I am. It may sound bizarre, but some days I feel very feminine. Like my body doesn’t fit me. It just feels wrong and sometimes all I really want to do is peel my own skin off.

“But then… Some days, I feel like Kibum. I am Kibum, I feel alright. And it’s not that I’m always either a boy or a girl. I- I feel like I’m mostly leaning more towards one side or the other. Today I’m more masculine, but not quite, you know. Well, of course you don’t know. This probably sounds crazy to you, right?”

It does, Taemin wanted to reply truthfully, but he bit his tongue – he couldn’t disturb Kibum now. While the older kept talking, Taemin suddenly got a weird feeling in his chest, one that he had gotten once before when he had been on his friendly coffee date with Key.

Back then, it had felt like she had opened up to him a little. And that was what Kibum was doing right now – opening up. Exposing his everything. Making himself vulnerable. Taemin didn’t know if he even deserved to hear this.

“On days I feel feminine, I’m Key,” Kibum continued, but he sounded a lot more choked up now. “Not many people know but whenever someone…respects my wish to be called Key…when they accept the way I feel – they don’t even have to understand me, I don’t even ask for that – I…that means a lot to me.”

Kibum was on the verge of crying now, Taemin realized, and he wanted to run and give the older the biggest hug he could muster up.

However, he couldn’t move. The words had put a distance between them that Taemin couldn’t overcome easily, even though Kibum’s explanation shouldn’t have changed anything.

What does it matter? Taemin desperately wondered.

It shouldn’t matter. It didn’t matter – yet it did. Somehow.

“That day, I felt like- I felt like Key,” Kibum got out, still fighting his own tears. “You know, I’m not always dressed up on Key-days. I don’t always wear my stuff…my wig…sometimes I’m Kibum and I like dresses too, it doesn’t matter.

“But sometimes it makes me feel better to become more like a girl and I…I’m sorry you had to find out like that. You weren’t supposed to. It’s just hard to tell people what I’m like when we first meet, so I thought I’d be okay. I never expected you to become such a big part of my life this quickly but…

“But now you’re one of my closest friends, Taemin, you mean so much to me and I don’t wanna lose you, please.”

Here Kibum stood, crying and begging Taemin not to leave. His shoulders were shaking like the day Key had cried in front of Taemin, but this time the younger couldn’t just say everything would be okay.

In fact, he couldn’t talk at all.

Taemin wanted to hold Kibum and tell him they’d be fine; that he’d stay. He was certain he would. But the words that came out of his mouth contradicted his every thought and he couldn’t do anything.

“I need time to think about this,” a puppet-version of Lee Taemin stated. “I need to figure out what you just told me. I’m sorry, I- Can I do anything for you? Do you need me to get you anything? Tissues?”

“N-no, I’m alright,” Kibum said, although his hiccups proved him wrong. “I guess I should go home and give you s-some space. Thanks for listening, Taeminnie. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“I’ll see you off.”

As Taemin watched Kibum put his shoes on, he realized the older had placed the pair he himself had lost three days ago next to the door, along with some other stuff he must have found at his home.

When he walked through the door, Kibum wasn’t crying anymore, but he didn’t look happy either. Taemin watched him leave and seeing his slumped shoulders and slow steps put him in a weird mood.

All the while, he had assumed he was the hurt one, but now he was beginning to question if in reality, Kibum was the one he should sympathize with.

“I won’t leave you just like that, hyung,” Taemin whispered soundlessly.

However, no one heard his words that day, least of all Kibum who was walking home in such a sad manner.

Chapter Text

Taemin prayed Jongin wouldn’t open the door as he pressed the button beside the door with a racing heart. For the first time in his life, he hoped with all his heart that his best friend wouldn’t come to greet him, that he was somewhere entirely different, preferably a few hundred miles away.

The sound of approaching footsteps made Taemin even more nervous to a point where he could feel beads of cold sweat forming on his forehead. He had been anxious all day, all weekend to be exact, but the thought of Jongin had driven away all of his previous worries.

When the footsteps halted, Taemin unintentionally clutched the small package in his hands more tightly. Technically, he knew the chocolate inside wouldn’t stand the heat, but at this moment he was wholly focused on the door in front of him – the very same door that suddenly opened, revealing Kibum’s – or Key’s? – slim figure.

Taemin would have let out a huge sigh of relief, if it hadn’t been for the fact that the stare of Jongin’s sibling made him feel even more uncomfortable.

When Kibum opened his mouth, Taemin squeaked involuntarily.

“Taemin-ah?” Jongin’s sibling sounded incredulous, his eyes wide open.

Taemin figured Kibum hadn’t expected him to appear in front of his door ever again after their last talk, let alone so soon after. It had been two days. Two days were nothing.

“Are you… Do you want to visit Jongin-ah?”

Kibum’s voice was thicker than usual, as if his throat was suddenly blocked by a huge lump. He had seemed hesitant just now, as if it was very hard for him to talk to Taemin normally – if that was the case, the feeling was mutual, though Taemin wished it wasn’t.

“I- I came to see you!” he stuttered, feeling his entire face heat up as he made a mess up the syllables. “I br-brought chocolate, too!”

He stretched out his hand, presenting the package to Kibum, who took it with a frown. However, a smile tugged at his lips when he looked up again.

“Chocolate? Why is that?”

He looked uncharacteristically timid and Taemin hated knowing that it was because of him – because of what had happened previously. Of course, Kibum still wasn’t sure how Taemin felt about him.

“Yes, because I thought… I wanted to bring flowers at first because I wanted to say sorry and you deserve the most beautiful bouquet, but then I thought that may seem weird so I decided to bring chocolate because I know you love it, everyone loves it…or don’t you?”

Taemin honestly hated himself for rambling, but all the words he had carefully thought up before coming here were all jumbled up in his head now. He blushed even more, unable to stare at Kibum any longer so he looked down at the ground.

“I like chocolate,” Kibum finally said. “It’s very nice of you that you got me some… I’ll- Maybe you can come in and we could…share it?”

“I-I like chocolate, too,” Taemin awkwardly replied.

He had originally meant to tell Kibum that he would love to come in, but this was good enough, he thought as he took off his shoes inside the hallway as he had done so many times before.

“Where’s Jongin?” he curiously asked Kibum, who was patiently waiting for him.

The older shrugged.

“He went out with dad, but I opted out of joining them. I wasn’t in the right mood earlier today – but I’m really glad you came and visited me!”

He sent Taemin a small, timid smile that made his heart flutter lightly. Taemin immediately looked down again.

“Where do you want to go? The living room?”

“Well…” Kibum thought for a moment, then his face lit up. “Do you want to come see my room? It’s just, we were always in the living room for our lessons, but you’ve never been to my room. You don’t have to of course, we can stay down here if you’re more comfortable like that.”

“No, no, no, of course not!” Taemin exclaimed.

He wanted Kibum to feel comfortable and if he wanted to show him his room, so be it.

“I’d like to see your room!”

So Kibum showed him his room. It wasn’t much, being only half the size of Jongin’s room, but Kibum’s presence alone made it seem more homely.

In general, the room was quite normal. It was equipped with a bed and a couch, a desk for schoolwork and a giant wardrobe that was an essential piece of furniture, considering how many clothes Kibum owned.

“You can sit on the couch if you want,” Kibum offered as he got a pair of scissors to open Taemin’s package. “Do you want to drink something?”

“No thanks, hyung, I’m fine,” Taemin smiled. “I actually…well…I wanted to talk about the reason why I’m here.”

“Yes?”

Kibum looked up and when their eyes met, Taemin couldn’t suppress a shudder. Once again, the other looked too vulnerable, too easy to break, as if he was scared Taemin could leave any moment.

“I’m not gonna leave,” Taemin blurted out. “You look very worried, but please…please don’t be afraid, hyung! I’m not gonna leave you!”

He stopped for a moment to calm his breathing a little before continuing, “what you told me was…a lot and I’m not sure if I understood everything. So that’s why I’m here, to clear everything up. I want to start over again and respect…the way you feel. But most of all, I want you to know that I’m not gonna leave just like that.”

“O-okay.”

Kibum let out a little nervous laugh.

“I’m glad. So…what do you want to know?”

A part of Taemin was glad that he wasn’t the only one feeling unbearably awkward in this situation, but he also didn’t like how unsure Kibum seemed of himself. This wasn’t the fierce boy – or girl, for that matter – he had come to know. However, if this side of Kibum was a part of him too, Taemin was willing to accept it.

“Sooo,” he drew out the syllable to gain a little bit more time before speaking, always afraid that he would mess up somehow. “Are you trans?”

Kibum’s eyebrows shot up and Taemin jumped. He shouldn’t have blurted out his question like this – what if it offended Kibum in any way?

“I mean, I really don’t know,” he quickly added, trying to clean up the mess he had made. “I tried to do some research on the internet and I found a lot of stuff, but now I’m just a lot more confused than before.”

“Don’t worry, Taemin, I’m not mad or anything,” Kibum said. “The question just took me by surprise, that’s all. But…I’m not sure if I can answer it.

“Am I trans? Well…”

He paused for a moment, maybe to collect his thought or to gain enough strength for the explanations Taemin wanted – it couldn’t be easy for him to talk about this topic. Taemin had realized that much at least.

“It depends on the definition. I’d personally say yes, I am part of the trans community…definitely…and I don’t identify as my assigned gender. But most people think of ‘transsexual’ when they say trans. I’m not transsexual, I think. Instead, I feel like I’m stuck somewhere in-between.”

“Okay,” Taemin breathed.

He was eager to hear more about Kibum’s feelings. Even though he had never been interested in the topic before, he suddenly felt like he needed to learn all about it.

“I already told you that I feel like a boy on some days and like a girl on others,” Kibum went on. “Today, actually…I feel feminine, but not entirely.”

“So…I should call you Key?”

Taemin received a nod as an answer and quickly added, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that.”

“It’s okay,” Key told him again. “It’s hard for people to differentiate. I mean, most persons would just believe what they see, right? I don’t have long hair and make-up on, so I’m not a girl – but that isn’t really true for me. Not always, anyway.”

She sighed.

“I’m probably not making a lot of sense right now, am I?”

“No, you’re making perfect sense!” Taemin exclaimed all too quickly. “I really want to understand how you feel!”

“That means a lot to me, Taem,” Key said and for the first time that day, she genuinely, happily smiled at him. “So, about what I am… I choose not to label that. I’ve read so many definitions on the internet, but I didn’t find anything that felt just right. Therefore, I just say I’m trans or non-binary. That works for me…”

“Okay, I think I get that,” Taemin truthfully told her, extracting another smile from her. “Do you…can I ask why you didn’t tell me? I mean, it’s kinda obvious, I don’t think it’s accepted around here and you mentioned that before as well, but…”

However, Taemin didn’t get to finish because Key interrupted him in his speech.

“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid. I’ll be… I’ll try to be very honest with you because I trust you, Taemin-ah.”

Again, she took a deep breath before saying, “I’m always afraid. People aren’t accepting, they’re only hateful and…it’s hard to get hurt all the time so I’m trying to protect myself as much as I can.”

Her voice had lowered so much throughout her statement that she was barely whispering now, but Taemin didn’t dare say anything. He just sat there and watched her, watched her lips move. He felt a weird emptiness when he realized why she had been lying to him.

“I’ve only ever told a handful of people about my feelings… Jongin knows, Minho knows, of course Jjong does and Jinki-hyung. Jjong’s mother and sister, too. But that’s about it.

“I told you before, when I met you, I didn’t expect you to become important to me this quickly. I couldn’t risk telling you anything at first – what if you had revealed my secret to anyone? I didn’t know whether you would be accepting or hostile – actually, I didn’t know that until today.

“But the more time we spent together, the more I started to hope with all my heart that you would just…look past my issues…that you’d treat me the same. But I was so afraid that I couldn’t tell you. Because I’m a coward.”

Key’s voice broke at the end and Taemin wanted to gather her up in his arms, but it felt like he was paralyzed. He couldn’t will his body to move and while Key was clearly worked up, Taemin felt so many different and confusing emotions that he thought he would burst if she kept talking.

The most distinct feeling in his gut was sadness, sympathy – he hated the fact that Key had to hide her true self, that she was forced to tell others lies by unspoken norms that should never exist in the first place.

“Has anyone ever reacted…badly when you told them?” Taemin timidly asked.

He already knew the answer would disturb him even more, but at the same time he needed to know, even if it only was because he wanted to tear that person to pieces.

“I…yes.” Key nodded. “I was about to get to that. Maybe I should apologize beforehand because I’m about to get a little emotional, but this…I’m still not over what happened.

“You may know that I transferred schools when I was your age. In my first year of high school, I already knew for sure that I was different…that I felt like a girl sometimes. And I was experimenting with styles and clothes and wigs at that time.

“Well, to make it short – some people at my high school found out and that… It didn’t go down so well. It wasn’t only the students, the teachers said stuff too and I… I just couldn’t stay there. I probably overreacted, but I transferred to Jonghyun-hyung’s school.

“Ever since then, I’ve been really careful. However, now that I’m thinking about it, it probably wasn’t even that bad. It’s just…me who couldn’t take it well.”

By now, Key was positively crying, though this time no sobs shook her body. Instead, silent tears ran down her cheeks as her voice quivered ever-so-slightly – Taemin didn’t know what was worse.

He sat on the couch, frozen, and watched Key cry, the whole situation feeling so different to the other times she had shown her sadness to him. The only thing that hadn’t changed was the ever-present urge to comfort her. Taemin still felt it gnaw at his heart, but this time he only offered her a crumpled tissue instead of hugging her.

“Th-thanks,” Key sniffled after she had successfully blown her nose into the white fabric. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to contain myself. I’m a bit of a crybaby – seems like I’ve been spending too much time with Jjongie.”

She laughed at her own joke, then went on, “actually, I feel a bit better now. It really just was all the tension that got to me, but it’s pretty much gone now. If you want, I can tell you more about me, regarding that issue, I mean – provided you have time of course.”

“Noona,” Taemin breathed, “please tell me more. You’re really important to me and I want to understand your feelings!”

He gave a thumbs-up to emphasize his words and Key’s smile grew brighter.

“Hold on, I have an idea!”

She got up and went over to one of her shelves, returning a few moments later with a black box in her hands. After placing the object on the couch next to Taemin, she plopped down on its other side.

“What’s that?” Taemin asked and she laughed.

“Photos! I’m about to tell me my whole lifestory and you’re gonna love it!”

However, despite her good mood, Taemin just couldn’t forget how broken and insecure she had appeared when talking about her old school and the things that had happened to her.

Chapter Text

“This box contains all of my favorite photographs,” Key explained as she lifted the cardboard box back into her lap, taking off the lid. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever shown them to anybody. Not all of them at least.”

Taemin let his gaze glide across the object. It was simple, just a box that didn’t look like it could withstand a lot of force. Key hadn’t put any stickers on it and if she hadn’t just told him, Taemin wouldn’t have suspected the box to hold her deepest secrets.

He smiled a bit.

“It’s very…plain. Your style is usually a bit different, don’t you think?”

“Well, I kept it like that in case anyone finds it. Those photos mean a lot to me, I wouldn’t want them to…get destroyed or anything. Of course I have most of them on my phone as well.”

She carefully reached inside the box and gripped a package of pictures, kept together by a thin elastic band which she quickly got rid of.

“I keep the oldest ones on top,” she said as she looked at the first one. “Look, that’s me as a child. I must have been…two I think? You see, I was already cute back then.”

“Shut up,” Taemin mumbled, but internally he was squealing about the picture.

It was true that Key looked absolutely adorable with her fluffy black hair and her pouty lips that didn’t look so different from now. She was wearing a little apron and was laughing into the camera, steadied by a woman Taemin had never seen before.

He frowned, inching closer to the picture to get a better look. The lady was just as beautiful as the child she was holding up and the longer Taemin looked at her, the more traces of Key could he detect in her face.

However, what was even more obvious was her relation to Jongin. They had the same high cheekbones and tan skin, the same full lips. 

This woman must be Key’s and Jongin’s mother.

“That’s my mum,” Key confirmed a second later.

She rubbed across the picture carefully, as if she was gently petting a cat.

“This is the only picture of hers I own.”

Taemin almost felt his smile drop from his face. He had known Jongin for so long that he had almost forgotten what his best friend had told him in seventh grade – his mother was dead. She had been sickly after his birth and had passed away shortly thereafter, so Jongin could barely remember her.

However, Key must have been around three at the time his mother died. Was he still grieving?

“You’re looking all worried, Taem,” Key suddenly pointed out, startling Taemin out of his thoughts. “There’s no reason, though. You do know what happened to my mum, don’t you?”

“Jongin told me she died long ago.”

Taemin’s throat was dry as the desert so he coughed, attempting to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling.

“It’s not really a big deal,” Key said. “She was sick. She’s always been of bad health, at least according to my grandmother, and after Jongin’s birth she didn’t want to take strong medicine. So cancer got her… It happened very quickly, too, I only remember tiny bits of what happened.”

Taemin thoroughly examined Key’s expression, trying to detect a hint of grief in it, yet Jongin’s sibling just smiled tenderly.

“Don’t worry about me, Taemin. I sometimes think it would have been nice to grow up with her, but that’s all. We resemble each other a lot anyway, at least character-wise, so I have a general idea of what she was like. But moving on…”

Key pulled out the next picture and handed it to Taemin.

“As you can see, I’m a lot older here. I must have been around six or seven, and I was mostly living at my grandma’s place.”

She flipped through the bunch of pictures and nodded.

“Yeah, they were all taken there. Look, this one and that one too. Actually, I loved her house because it was really old with lots of stairs and lots of rooms to play in. It’s sad that they decided to tear it down.

“After my mother died, my grandma took care of me most of the time. My father was busy with work and taking care of a newborn on his own, so halmeoni took me in. We really got on well, she was one of my favorite persons ever.”

Looking at Taemin, Key pointed at one of the pictures.

“Look, she always encouraged me to be creative. She was the one to teach me how to sew and knit, and how to cook of course. We would always do things together and she taught me a lot of life skills – and she had a few chickens and a goat, which I loved to death.”

During his story, another smile had bloomed on Key’s face and Taemin couldn’t help but copy her expression. Reminiscing the good memories seemed to make Key happy, and that was all Taemin wanted.

“My hair was pretty long when I was little, so my grandma would braid it after I showered. I was always so surprised when it got all curly – I didn’t understand the physics behind that back then, so I thought she was performing a magic trick or something!”

Both Key and Taemin laughed before the older went on, “I think it’s pretty clear that my grandma means a lot to me. I still take care of her grave even though she died six years ago.

“Also, a little fun fact, since I spent most of my childhood in a rural era, I speak a different dialect from Jongin. I picked up the satoori they spoke in where my grandma lived and sometimes it comes out when I’m mad. Nini claims he doesn’t understand me when I’m trying to insult him.”

“That’s so cool!” Taemin told her. “I never thought that would make a huge difference.”

“It does, though. Jinki knows a bit of it too because he also stayed at my grandma’s place often. Do you know why we’re friends?

“Well, our mothers were close even before I was born and afterwards, they would always meet up and let us play together. Jinki-hyung was my first ever friend. That’s why I don’t call him oppa even if I feel more like Key – I’m just so used to him being my hyung.”

Suddenly, Taemin really wanted to know if Key called Jonghyun oppa then, but he didn’t dare to ask. Instead, he kept listening as Key talked on and on about her childhood and the funny things she had experienced.

“I was eleven when my grandma died,” she started after taking out the second batch of photos. “It was a really hard time for me and shortly afterwards, I started questioning…things – my gender and all.”

Taemin had already suspected that the conversation would take a dark turn soon – Key’s childhood couldn’t have been only sunshine and rainbows. Actually, from what he had gathered so far, he knew she had been through a lot.

“I don’t know what triggered everything, actually,” Key continued, but her voice was a lot softer now. “One day I just started to think that I didn’t feel like a boy…not always at least. It sounds cliché if I say this, but halmeoni always encouraged me to do what I want. So when she was gone and I didn’t have that anymore, I suddenly realized something was wrong…that I was different.”

“And did…what happened then?”

Taemin could hardly muster up enough courage to ask, too scared of disturbing Key. When he had finished talking, she turned her head to look at him and though her eyes weren’t filled with tears, they resembled deep dark ponds that didn’t seem to have a ground.

“Well, it’s hard to say. I wasn’t very comfortable in my own skin, but I didn’t really know what to do about it. I kept denying it for quite a while, a few years – two or three maybe? Yeah, that must be it.”

Key put the photo she had been looking at aside in favor of a new one, which she handed to Taemin after a few seconds. Surprised, he realized just how happy she looked in it. She was skinny, a bit scrawny even, her face was dotted with freckles and her hair no longer than an inch. The person standing beside her had to be Jonghyun. He looked pretty much the same as now, although he had probably been even shorter back then.

Taemin smiled fondly – he was hardly able to put his arm around Key in the picture, but Jonghyun still looked determined to hold her.

“I’m honestly so grateful for Jonghyun,” Key confessed as she got closer to Taemin to observe the photograph. “He helped me the most of all people. I already had a crush on him back then but I pretty much pushed it to the back of my mind, since I didn’t really need another thing to deal with.

“Jonghyun-hyung is a really gentle person. He never tried to coax me to tell him anything, yet I still ended up spilling all of my secrets and he listened to them while smiling. I was thirteen when I finally realized that I wasn’t a boy. I guess I must have had a mental breakdown back then, because I shaved off all of my hair on impulse. My dad was so mad at me.”

Again, Key touched the picture gently.

“It looks funny, doesn’t it? I came to Jonghyun crying and he told me he loved my hair. Then he took me to his home and I stayed the night. Sometimes I really question if he’s an angel or something like that. I don’t know what would’ve happened that night if he hadn’t been there. I was ready to…give up…”

Key trailed off and Taemin was left with a hollow feeling in his chest. Though Key’s statement had been very vague at the end, he felt like he didn’t need her to elaborate. The meaning behind her words was clear enough for him.

Taemin wanted to say something. He wanted to tell Key he was sorry for what she had gone through, wanted to comfort her somehow, but the words never left his mouth.

His thoughts were spinning as he wondered how things were looking now. His reaction to finding out Key’s gender must have upset her terribly. Taemin had hurt her so much by making her believe he would turn his back on her the moment she was revealed.

Looking at those photographs was a very painful task because Taemin knew how much hurt was hidden behind them and how much more hurt he had caused.

“You probably don’t want to hear Jonghyun’s and my entire lovestory, do you?” Key suddenly said as she flipped through more of the pictures. “It’s boring anyway, so here’s the short version. I had a crush on Jjong, he supported me and helped me when I couldn’t accept myself.

“One thing led to another, he asked me out when I was 14 and I said yes. Look, this picture was taken at his place that day. You know, when I was younger I used to be scared of meeting my girlfriend’s – well, my future boyfriend’s parents, but I knew Mama Kim loved me. See, that’s her!”

She handed over another picture of a woman who was smiling at the camera wearing an apron.

“She’s also really important to me. Mama Kim is one of the kindest women on earth and she accepted me without a hitch. Same goes for Sodam-unni, Jjongie’s older sister.”

Key giggled as she went through the leftover pictures, occasionally stopping to look at a particular one for a few moments.

“Jonghyun-hyung and Sodam-unni also bought me my first ever wig,” Key said as she showed Taemin a picture of herself with long hair. “They told me they had bought it on a flea market, but I later found out Sodam gave up two of her monthly paychecks for me.”

“The hair looks pretty,” Taemin commented, feeling a bit shy when Key smiled at his compliment. “I’ve never seen you wear it, though.”

“It’s really good quality, that’s why I’m a bit overprotective. I keep it at Jonghyun’s place and wear it when I’m there, mostly when I’m having a really bad day and feel like I need it.

“You know, when I feel like a girl, I hate going to school because I have to pretend to be different the whole day. I can’t really express myself the way I want to, but there are good and bad days.

“You probably don’t remember the first day of school, but I decided to stay at Jjong’s home. I just felt like shit and Mama Kim is always really kind to me, so I skipped school that day.”

“I do remember, though,” Taemin butted in. “Jongin…lied to me. He said you didn’t go to school with us, only Kibum.”

His cheeks turned red when he noticed the mistake he had made.

“Of course, I still thought Kibum and Key were two different persons back then!”

“Isn’t it confusing?” Key asked in a sincere tone. “I’m really sorry I fooled you. It must be weird for you to think of me…as Key right now.”

“Actually, it’s not as hard as I thought it would be.”

Taemin frowned a bit. He hadn’t really thought about it before, but now that Key had reminded him of it, he realized that his new knowledge didn’t make much of a difference. The person in front of him was Key, even though she looked like the boy he had come to know as Kibum, but that didn’t really confuse Taemin.

Astonished by that new realization, he met Key’s gaze again.

“I didn’t think it’d be that easy, honestly, to think of different pronouns and all. But I think what most people don’t realize is that it hardly makes a difference. And it doesn’t hurt you to accept your feelings, either. I think the people who are hostile towards you are just stupid, hateful assholes.”

“Jjong also keeps saying that,” Key said in a thoughtful tone. “I try to remind myself of that fact, but it’s hard sometimes.”

Suddenly, her lips formed a smile and without a warning, she stretched out her hand to pat Taemin’s head.

“You’re really precious, Taem, did you know that? I don’t know how I was ever worried about your reaction – you’ve been the kindest, most accepting person. Thank you so much.”

Taemin got flustered.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he stuttered. “It’s…as I said, it’s really not a problem.”

“Then, can we continue our plans?”

There was a hopeful gleam in Key’s eyes and even though Taemin didn’t know what she was referring to, he nodded enthusiastically.

“Of course!”

“Do you even know what I’m talking about?”

“Uhm…not really?”

“Gosh, Taeminnie, you’re gonna be my death.”

Key ruffled his hair fondly.

“Before all that stuff happened, we wanted to see each other regularly. It would be a pity if we stopped hanging out now that there are no secrets between us, wouldn’t it?”

“Indeed it would,” Taemin smiled. He meant it.

Chapter Text

A few days after their talk, Taemin and Kibum met up during lunch hour. Minho wasn’t there today, he was participating in an important volleyball tournament apparently, but Taemin wasn’t all too sad about that fact.

It wasn’t that he suddenly hated Minho, but Kibum had told him more than once that his best friend was going to have ‘the talk’ with Taemin. What that meant, Kibum hadn’t explained, but Taemin could imagine it well enough.

“Let’s do something together after school,” Kibum suggested with a dimpled smile as he waited for Taemin to finish his lunch.

Today was a good day for him. That had been the first thing he had told Taemin in the morning and the younger couldn’t help being happy, too. Now that he knew more about Kibum’s identity, he realized just how much of a struggle school must be for him on days when he felt more feminine.

Despite all of Kibum’s attempts of belittling his struggles, Taemin knew to be grateful for every good day.

“I’m also going to get dinner with Jonghyun later, so I’m only free till six. But you don’t have dance practice today, right?” Kibum chattered on.

The mention of Jonghyun dampened Taemin’s mood slightly, but he still felt giddy and excited at the thought of spending the afternoon with Kibum – even if they were only on a friendly date of course. Therefore, he gave Kibum a quick thumbs-up, to show he agreed to his offer.

“I’ll hurry,” he tried to say through a mouthful of food, but Taemin miserably failed and earned a headshake of disgust from Kibum.

“Seriously, Taem, you’re worse than Minho. I’m gonna disown you.”

When he had finally gulped down his noodles, Taemin wiped off his mouth before turning to Kibum.

“I have two periods of music left, but after that I’m free.”

“Great, I have study hall anyway. Let’s meet at my locker afterwards, alright?”

“That sounds great, hyung!”

Taemin sent Kibum a wholehearted beam that was supposed to show just how happy he felt. Even though music was his favorite subject, Taemin found that he couldn’t focus on the teacher’s explanations at all today.

His thoughts kept straying, taking him to a later hour of the day when he’d meet with Kibum. It was a great thing that they were able to turn their plans into reality even after everything that had happened.

Even though they did not study English together anymore, they would still see each other a lot and Taemin loved it.

Before meeting with Kibum, he went to the bathroom quickly to exchange his uniform for an more fashionable attire. Taemin didn’t necessarily want to show up looking like the 15-year-old he was when spending time with Kibum. He had gotten lucky enough when the other hadn’t minded his age too much, but Taemin didn’t want Kibum to feel embarrassed because of him.

“What took you so long?” Kibum asked when Taemin arrived at their meeting spot. “Didn’t your lesson end 15 minutes ago?”

“I…uhm….I went to- I couldn’t find my book,” Taemin stuttered dumbly, a blush rising up his neck when he realized just how much thought he had put into his meeting with Kibum.

When the older threw a glance at his outfit only to comment, “you look really nice, Taem!”, Taemin couldn’t help gleaming with pride.

“So…” Kibum said as they started strolling down the school corridor side by side, “…is there anything specific you wanna do?”

“N-not really.”

Of course Taemin had thought up a lot of spots where they could go together, places he wanted to show Kibum. However, now he was too embarrassed by his own eagerness to propose them.

It almost felt like one of his first ever meetings with Key, where he had barely managed to get out a straight sentence.

Kibum didn’t seem to mind his awkwardness, though. He didn’t let the silence last long, immediately saying, “well, I was thinking of going to the city to shop for a bit. I need a few new pairs of socks and I was thinking of buying some fabrics I could use to make a top for summer. Did I tell you I like to tailor clothes?”

Taemin shook his head.

“No, you just said you were into fashion.”

“Well, I like making my own clothes. I’ve created a few skirts that I wear when it’s a little bit warmer outside, a few pairs of pants and I’m currently working on a dress. I mostly make those clothes for my girl days, because I don’t really want to go to the city to buy them.”

Understandable, Taemin thought.

He could imagine that many people would be irritated if they saw a boy buy from the women’s section in stores, no matter if Kibum felt feminine or not.

“I don’t really like attracting anyone’s attention,” Kibum added when Taemin didn’t say anything. “It’s hard enough as it is – not that I am complaining, though. Do you want to see a picture of my dress?”

“Sure!”

Taemin honestly wanted to take a look at Kibum’s work, even though he couldn’t imagine the piece being anything short of perfect. He had not known designing clothes was one of Kibum’s many talents, but it fit him very well.

Even when they had first met, Taemin had admired Key’s taste in fashion and he had to admit Kibum nearly always looked flawless. Meanwhile, the older had pulled out a wrinkled photograph that he handed to Taemin.

“That’s it!” he said and the pride in his voice was unmistakable. “I’ve been working on it for two months, so it’s still pretty basic. In September, there’s a ball organized by a group of art students from the nearby university. One of my friend, Taeyeon-noona, knows some people and she promised to get me cards!

“The only sad thing is that Jjongie won’t be able to go with me – he’ll be in Japan with his sister Sodam-noona. But I’m still gonna rock that dress!”

Kibum looked adorably determined and Taemin couldn’t help but smile at the image of him wearing the dress in the photo. It still looked very basic, only made of a black body without many decorations, but Taemin had a hunch that it would fit Kibum perfectly.

They went on walking while continuing to talk about Kibum’s unusual hobby. By the time they had reached the bus stop, Taemin had learned more about fashion than he had thought there was to know about that topic.

Honestly speaking, he had never cared much for clothes as long as he looked good in them, but Kibum somehow made them seem like the most interesting thing. He kept smiling a lot as he talked and Taemin felt contended listening to him.

Seeing Kibum being so passionate about something was nice – it seemed like his love for fashion was the same love that Taemin harbored for dancing.

At some point, the two of them both fell into a comfortable silence. There was no tension to say anything, it was nice enough to watch the houses and roads fly by as the bus made its way into the city, but Taemin still had a question he wanted to ask Kibum.

“Hyung,” he spoke up after a while. “How did you meet Minho-hyung?”

“Minho?”

Kibum turned to Taemin wearing a neutral expression on his face, but his eyes were smiling.

“That’s a funny story, actually. I met him after I transferred schools, so it happened long after I met Jjong. But the second he found out we were together, he ran to hyung and threatened to break his back of he ever were to hurt me. I still can’t believe he did that.”

Kibum chuckled quietly and Taemin smiled too. What he had just heard sounded like such a Minho thing to do – after all, he was overly protective of Kibum.

That, Taemin told the latter, but he only got another laugh in response.

“Yes, he is. He ended up staying around hyung, though, but I’m pretty sure it’s because he has a giant crush on Sodam-noona. It’s hilarious how he keeps trying to get her number even though she’s so much older than him. He’s not even legal yet.”

“But…should I be afraid of Minho-hyung and his threats now?”

Taemin’s question was meant as a joke, but in retrospect he realized there was a grain of truthful curiosity hidden in it. He hadn’t consciously been worrying about the ‘talk’ Minho was going to have with him, but he still felt the need to make sure he wasn’t in danger of losing one of his only friends.

“Taemin-ah, don’t worry about Ming. He’s all bark and no bite. Besides, you’re too cute to threaten anyway, so you shouldn’t be afraid of him. He’s just overreacting most of the time. Did I tell you about the incident where he almost beat up an older student because he thought the guy had disrespected me?”

__________________________________

It turned out that despite Kibum’s words, Minho was very menacing as he towered over Taemin two days later. The younger boy had looked up from his Math textbook to find Minho standing in front of him, his eyes darker than usual.

“Can we talk in private?”

Even his voice sounded more dangerous than usual, as it somehow had a rough edge to it now. Taemin shuddered yet still nodded. As he trailed after Minho, he tried to recall what Kibum had said about his best friend.

Taemin shouldn’t worry too much. After all, it was just Minho – who was just making sure, apparently. Or wasn’t he?

This looked an awful lot like Minho was going to interrogate Taemin like a delinquent.

The two boys had reached a corner of the school where students hardly ever had to go. Years ago there had been science rooms in this part of the building, at least according to Kibum, but now its corridors were completely vacant.

“Let’s stay here,” Minho said, though his words didn’t sound like a suggestion.

Taemin awkwardly coughed. There was a weird tension in the air, one he had never felt with Minho before, and he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to stand this.

“What did you wanna talk about, hyung?”

Taemin tried his best not to sound too frightened, but his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence. Minho had seemingly sensed his oppressing aura as well and he stepped back a bit, eyeing Taemin’s body up and down.

“So, you know about Key now?” he finally said, lazily drawing out the first word.

“Um…yes,” Taemin said. He had no reason to lie. “I accidentally found out. But then we talked and resolved everything.”

“Do you mind telling me what you think?”

“What?”

“What you think? About Key, I mean.”

“I- I don’t…” Taemin stuttered helplessly.

He didn’t have the slightest idea what Minho wanted to hear from him, yet he wasn’t going to take the risk of saying the wrong thing.

“Are you gonna support Key?”

“Hyung, I didn’t…”

“Look,” Minho barked, his fists clenched now. “I’m not going to take any chances here. If you aren’t willing to accept Key the way she is, you will not go near her again. Understood?”

He looked ready to beat Taemin if he dared to disagree, but that wasn’t his plan anyway.

“Hyung, st-stop!” he squeaked, walking backwards until there was more distance between him and Minho’s tall looming figure. “I didn’t even say that. I…don’t care if Key is different. She’s still Key. And Kibum.”

“Go on.”

Minho still didn’t look too convinced, but at least he had opened his palm again and was now looking at Taemin with raised eyebrows.

“I was really stupid, hyung,” the younger boy finally willed himself to say. “I shouldn’t have run away from Key-noona when I found out, but I was just too perplexed. I never knew there were people who felt the way she did.

“But she explained it all to me and I really don’t mind. She isn’t a different person than before. And our friendship really means a lot to me, I’d never willingly let her go and…”

“Taemin,” Minho interrupted.

Taemin immediately shut up when he heard how different his voice sounded all of a sudden, all too soft like he was about to tell him a secret.

“You have a crush on Key, don’t you?”

“I- What?”

Taemin’s voice immediately jumped upwards a few levels. He had not expected Minho’s words at all. But the moment the words had left his mouth, Taemin felt like his heart would stop beating. An ugly feeling welled up inside his chest, the feeling of being exposed, stripped of everything he had used to conceal himself before.

Even though it had stood still only seconds ago, Taemin’s heart now started to race wildly as he tried his hardest to look Minho in the eye. He couldn’t act suspicious, but Taemin had a feeling that his shaking hands were giving away far too much about his true state of mind.

“You have a crush on Key,” Minho repeated, but this time he didn’t phrase it as a question. “I’ve been wondering about that for a while, actually. You always look at her like she is the only person you can see and when you talk about her, it becomes really obvious that you’re a teenager in love.”

“I’m not- I don’t love Key!” Taemin huffed, yet it felt weird to say that.

Truthfully, he didn’t even know if he had a crush on Key. Before they had made up, he had wondered a lot about the difference his discovery would make regarding his feelings. He had been convinced he was in love with Key for such a long time and after learning that she was Kibum, he didn’t know how to feel.

However, they had reconciled a week ago and in all that time, Taemin hadn’t once thought about the crush he had once had. Didn’t that mean Key’s confession had changed it all?

“There’s no point in denying,” Minho sighed. “Look, I know what it looks like when someone’s in love. I’ve spent enough time around Key and Jonghyun-hyung to know. They’re in love with each other, and you’re in love with Key.”

“I-“ Taemin was at a loss for words.

He thought he had just come to a conclusion, but Minho made everything else seem plausible again. Why was this so hard?

“I don’t know, hyung, really,” Taemin finally said, defeated. “I used to have a crush on noona. Actually, I’ve never felt closer to any other person before. But then I found out she and Kibum were the same person and I was so confused by that. Things didn’t make sense anymore and I just…I just don’t know.”

“I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with her or her gender, though,” he quickly added when he realized how wrong his words had sounded. “Really, hyung, you have to believe me! I don’t want anything to change between Key and me but this is all so new to me and I simply…”

He trailed off and averted his eyes, unable to keep his gaze locked with Minho’s any longer. Meanwhile, the tension from earlier had resolved into thin air, leaving Taemin exhausted. His shoulders slumped as he quietly said, “her gender doesn’t matter to me. I- I’ve never made a difference before either.”

Unbeknownst to Taemin, Minho’s eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t address the hint he had just been given. Instead he simply said, “it’s okay not to know, Taemin-ah. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. But if you want to know how I see it, to me you still seem to be in love with Key.”

“Do I? Well… I honestly don’t have much experience.”

“But you’re young, Min.”

“I know I am. Fucking young.”

Taemin was almost surprised at himself when the curseword slipped out of his mouth, yet he also understood why he had said it. In the past months, he had spent so much time hating his age, especially in comparison to Jonghyun’s, that he still disliked it when someone addressed that topic.

“I’m sorry for threatening you earlier, Taemin. I just need to make sure Key gets to graduate and leave this school in peace. If anyone finds out about her secret, she can’t do that – I know exactly how nasty high school students can be, I experienced it myself. So, please excuse my behavior from earlier.”

“It’s okay.”

Taemin offered him a weak smile.

“But hyung,” he then said, “what do you mean by experience? You’re not…like Key, are you?”

“No, no, it’s not like that.”

Minho went silent for a minute before he looked around.

“Let me just say this much: Things happened in the past, but I don’t think it’s my story to tell. If you want to know about it, you have to ask Key yourself.”

Chapter Text

It was 04:16 pm when Taemin’s phone started ringing. He had just finished his dance practice for the day and was ready to leave, but the incoming call held him back.

Upon reading Kibum’s name on the display, Taemin immediately picked up and pressed the cell phone against his ear.

“Hyung?”

He was a bit surprised Kibum was calling, especially at this time. As far as Taemin knew he was supposed to be on a date with Jonghyun right now, one he had been looking forward to for days.

“Taem, you’re done with practice, right?”

Kibum was a bit hard to understand at first due to the bad connection, but Taemin caught his words nonetheless. He nodded but then realized that Kibum couldn’t see him.

“Y-yeah, I am.”

His cheeks were burning because of the silly little mistake he had made, but that was nothing knew when it came to his conversations with Kibum. More often than not, Taemin found himself blushing furiously whenever he embarrassed himself in front of him, which had been happening a bit too often lately.

“Are you free?” Kibum asked in a hopeful voice.

Before Taemin could wonder about Jonghyun’s whereabouts he added, “Jjong just texted me to let me know he’s not coming because he isn’t feeling well, but…I don’t really wanna be on my own right now. So I was wondering if you had time to hang out?”

“Of course,” Taemin replied without thinking.

He felt honored that Kibum had called him of all people, yet he also disliked the fact that Jonghyun had apparently ditched his boyfriend.

“Is Jonghyun-hyung sick?” Taemin wanted to know as he stuffed his exercise gear into his schoolbag. “Didn’t you stay over at his place last night?”

“He’s unwell,” was Kibum’s cryptic answer. “Look, Min, I’ll tell you when we meet up, alright? How much time do you need?”

“Depends on where you want to go. I’m leaving right now, but I still gotta put some things into my locker. That should take me about five minutes I guess.”

“Okay, let’s meet at the café near our school! You remember it, right? It was the one we went to after your English test, where I introduced you to Jonghyun and Minho. Let’s meet there in half an hour.”

“Make that twenty minutes, hyung. I’ll hurry!”

With these words, Taemin hung up and left the changing rooms in a hurry – he did not want to make Kibum wait.

Eighteen minutes later, he stepped into the café he had last been to a few weeks ago. It was warm inside and Taemin immediately took off his coat. He luckily hadn’t sweated a lot during practice because they were mostly planning their choreographies at the moment and although Taemin liked a good workout, he was glad he didn’t smell bad when meeting Kibum.

Jongin’s sibling was sitting at a table in one of the corners of the café, which was even more crowded than last time. People were chatting and making a ruckus left and right, and Taemin suddenly understood why the phone connection had been so bad earlier.

“Hyung!” he yelled in an attempt not to be drowned out by the noise around him. “I’m here!”

He had probably tried a little too hard because Kibum jumped, his head whipping around.

“Taemin,” he spluttered but recomposed himself quickly. “I’m so glad you’re here. Sit please. What do you want to drink? Hyung will pay today.”

“You don’t have to do that, Kibum-hyung,” Taemin reassured him after placing his order at the front counter. “I’ve got enough money to pay for myself.”

“No, no, it’s on me.”

Kibum shook his head and smiled.

“I called you up out of the blue and you answered. I’m really grateful for that, so I want to treat you.”

“What about Jonghyun-hyung? You didn’t tell me what’s wrong with him?”

“Oh, that…”

Kibum’s smile faded a bit and he glanced at the black screen of his phone.

“He isn’t feeling well. I don’t know if I ever told you but…”

He leaned in closer until Taemin could feel his breath ghost over his own skin. The feeling made him shudder.

“…Jjong has bad days too. He’s… Well, he’s depressed and sometimes he can’t even get up because of that. I thought he would be okay when I left this morning, but I was wrong.”

Taemin didn’t know how to respond. Everything he had heard from Jonghyun so far were good things, traits that made him seem like a perfect person. But even though he had been so jealous of him in the past, Taemin’s chest tightened as he listened to Kibum’s explanation.

Jonghyun had seemed like a kind guy; he didn’t deserve to be hurting.

“Does he do that often?” Taemin finally asked as he studied Kibum’s face intently. “Ditching you, I mean.”

To his surprise (and relief), Kibum quickly shook his head.

“No, actually. He always tries to make it to our dates and even if he isn’t able to, we mostly hang out at his place. He told me once that being with me made him feel better, even if it’s only a tiny bit. I want to help him.”

He paused for a second.

“But today, he asked me not to come and I…I need to respect that.”

“Okay.”

Taemin hated the downcast look on Kibum’s face, but he didn’t know how he could possibly make it disappear.

“Hey, let’s order chocolate brownie, hyung!” he suggested, suddenly remembering one of his first ever encounters with Kibum. “We can share if you want. You’ll pay for the drinks and I’ll pay for the cake, alright?”

“We could try, I suppose…”

The corner of Kibum’s mouth twitched upwards, but his eyes were still full of sadness.

Figuring that he could use some distraction, Taemin quickly changed the topic to something other than Jonghyun. He needed to make sure it wouldn’t be brought up again unless Kibum wanted  it to be.

For a while, Taemin chattered on and on about his annoying teachers and classmates, especially the ones that Kibum knew as well. Suddenly, he remembered something he had wanted to ask all along.

“Hyung?” he carefully said. “I…There’s something I was wondering about.”

“What is it?”

“Minho-hyung told me something – well, he didn’t tell me anything – but he made it sound like something had happened between the two of you before. He told me to ask you, though, so I was wondering…”

“…if I could tell you?”

Kibum sighed and for a moment, Taemin feared he had asked the wrong question. The older seemed tense, his fingers were clasping his coffee cup a little bit too tightly, but Kibum nonetheless nodded at Taemin.

“Remember when I told you Minho and I only met in high school? To make it short, our story is a bit different. You do know he plays volleyball, right? He’s really good too.”

“Hm,” Taemin hummed.

“Well, it wasn’t always like that. Minho used to play football. He was actually set on becoming a pro when I first met him through a few of my girl friends I had at that time. He was on the team with a few of my classmates, but I never realized that until it was too late.”

Kibum paused for a moment to stare into his coffee cup, which was almost empty.

“I wasn’t careful enough around them and I didn’t realize it because Minho has always known. About my gender identity and all… But when his team found out, they turned into real jerks – most of them at least…

“They started making bets and comments and one time they tried to- they tried to check what I was born as… They tried to make Minho turn away from me, but he stood up to all of them and quit soccer.”

Kibum trailed off and it was silent for a few seconds, as Taemin was still busy trying to get a proper grasp on the events Kibum had just recounted. What Minho had done sounded unbelievable at first, but the more Taemin thought about it, the more impressed he was.

He had known beforehand that Minho was a kind person, but he had never expected him to go this far for anyone.

“I told him he shouldn’t have quit soccer, but he’s always been so damn stubborn,” Kibum suddenly muttered under his breath. “I thought he was wasting his potential, but look at him now. He’s on his way to become one of the best.”

Taemin shivered uncomfortably. He knew what Kibum had left unsaid even after the older had stopped talking. But the “this time, I’m not going to ruin this for him” didn’t need to be spelled out anyway – Taemin could sense how bitter Kibum was.

The story he had told didn’t seem like a big deal at first and Kibum hadn’t made it sound like one either. However, he looked frustrated, guilty, as he took another bite of the brownie on the shared plate between them.

“Oh, by the way, Taem,” he said after a few seconds, never once lifting his eyes. “I’m not going to be at school the day after tomorrow. It’s my mother’s death date and,” he interrupted himself to swallow loudly, “my dad likes to keep us at home for it. Especially now that Jongin is living at home.”

“O-okay.”

Though Taemin didn’t know what to make of his new knowledge, he tried his best to react just right. He couldn’t seem too sympathetic, but at the same time, he wanted Kibum to know he was there for him if he needed him.

As they sat in silence, Taemin’s thoughts began to wander and he ended up with Jongin’s face on his mind. It had been so incredibly long since he had last talked to him. Truthfully, Taemin didn’t even know how he was.

Jongin had never seemed too fazed by his mother’s death, yet that could change now that he had his father to remind him of it. Suddenly, Taemin couldn’t help but worry about Jongin, too. He wanted his best friend to be happy.

“Do you- Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Taemin had noticed that the tension had never loosened its grip on Kibum’s body. He looked positively uncomfortable sitting in his chair and whenever there was a particularly loud noise, he flinched a bit even though the whole café was filled with the chattering of the strangers that occupied the tables next to theirs.

When he heard Taemin speak, Kibum finally peeked up at him through his fringe. Even his gaze was full of anxiety, darting from Taemin’s eyes downwards and back up again.

“I…” Kibum started, but he got choked up.

He opened his mouth to try to answer yet again, but Taemin raised one of his hands, slowly, as not to startle Kibum.

“Hyung, don’t worry,” he said in the softest voice he could muster up without being drowned out. “I’ll pay, you put on your coat and everything. We’ll be out in a minute.”

The lack of protests from Kibum was yet another piece of evidence that he needed to get out of here. Taemin couldn’t pinpoint when his demeanor had changed, yet at this moment, Kibum was practically radiating anxiety.

As fast as he could, Taemin made his way to the counter to pay for their drinks. He didn’t even wait for his change, even though he had never tipped a waiter before, and hurried back to Kibum, who was still keeping his head down.

However, Taemin knew he was barely keeping himself together. He quickly threw an arm over Kibum’s shoulder and led him through the mass of tables, careful not to let him bump into anything.

Soon enough, they were outside the café, but Taemin figured Kibum would need a lot more fresh air until he could breathe again. He gently pushed the older towards the park near their school, to one of the benches he had often seen from afar on his way to the bus stop.

They sat down in silence, Taemin’s arm still slung around Kibum’s shoulder. Feeling how cold it was, Taemin pulled the elder’s body closer to keep him warm.

Sitting here like this was great.

It was just the two of them and even though Kibum was so tense – because of the dooming death date or whatever else – Taemin couldn’t suppress the tiny smile that threatened to bloom on his face.

Bit by bit, he could feel Kibum’s muscles loosen up as the elder melted into his body. They fit together nicely, despite their thick coats, and suddenly, a memory popped up in Taemin’s head.

A few weeks ago, he had been walking home on a particularly gloomy day when he had passed this bench. Hadn’t he noticed a couple sitting here? Two persons that had seemed so painfully familiar?

Taemin felt like he was experiencing a particularly odd kind of déjà vu. This time it was him watching his surroundings through the eyes of one of the persons he had seen while the other one was Kibum – Kibum, who seemed to be trying to bury himself into Taemin’s side as much as he could.

A warm flash passed through Taemin’s body and his eyes widened as he snapped out of his daze. Suddenly, his thoughts were racing and so was his heart – the latter, Kibum could notice any second.

Fortunately for Taemin, though, Kibum seemed to be busy enough cuddling him half to death. When Taemin shakily called his name, he only responded with a grunt. His face was so close that Taemin could feel his breath on his skin and he swore he had never been this uncomfortable before.

“H-hyung,” he stammered, “maybe we should…go somewhere else…because it’s cold?”

Truth be told, he was just making up random excuses in order to stop Kibum from invading his space like this. The older looked fine now, his eyes weren’t shaking anymore. Instead, his shoulders were, and it took Taemin almost a minute to realize Kibum was laughing.

“You’re so cute, Taemin,” he said, his voice interrupted by laughter every few seconds. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“H-hyung,” Taemin spluttered, desperately trying to get away, but Kibum had other plans.

He held him even tighter and Taemin was honestly astonished by his strength. Kibum had always looked slim to him, skinny, but right now the muscles he had gained from years of dancing were definitely showing.

“Y-yah!” Taemin exclaimed – he wasn’t ready to accept his fate.

However, Kibum took it even further and heaved one of his legs onto Taemin’s lap. He climbed on top of the younger until he was basically straddling him, their faces merely a few inches apart.

Taemin thought his heart was going to stop.

“Taemin-ah,” Kibum said, in a voice that was much too deep and husky for his own good. “You do know how much you mean to me, right?”

His breath on Taemin’s lips, his eyes so close that every eyelash and every freckle on his lids was visible – everything was spinning too fast and Taemin wasn’t going to wait until this dizzying ride was over.

“Get off me!” he yelled a little bit louder than necessary while practically throwing Kibum off his lap.

He was so hooked on calming his pounding heart, on trying to stop himself from panicking that he missed the way Kibum covered his head with his hands as he instinctively tried to make himself appear as small as possible.

When Taemin’s brain finally started to take in his surroundings again, Kibum had already gotten up from the ground. He was standing in front of the bench, keeping a little distance between himself and Taemin.

“I’m sorry, I went a bit too far,” he said in a light-hearted tone, but the way he had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso betrayed him. “Are you ticklish or something?”

In any other situation, Taemin would have asked about his weird reaction, he wouldn’t have let it go that easily. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on anything but the lingering sense of panic that was still left behind in his chest.

“H-hyung, let’s catch the bus,” Taemin breathed.

He was still too confused and overwhelmed to comprehend the situation and in all honesty, he needed to be alone right now.

“Wow, I really scared you off, didn’t I?” Kibum laughed loudly. “Anyway, I was thinking of going to Jjong’s place anyway because I…I…want to make sure he’s alright. Hah, yeah, that.”

“So, are you coming or not?”

Taemin had hurriedly gotten up from the cursed bench and was on the verge of walking away. However, Kibum shook his head at him.

“No, sorry, hyung’s house is another way.”

“Oh…” Taemin tried his hardest not to sound to relieved, but he miserably failed as his muscles loosened up immediately. “Guess I’ll see you around, hyung?”

Even though they had recently adopted the habit of hugging each other goodbye, Taemin simply turned around today. He never once looked back like he usually did because he was afraid that if he did, Kibum would still be standing there and watching him.

The thought was more than unsettling, to be honest.

Taemin didn’t see Kibum leave. All he knew was that he was alone with his thoughts now, but not even the music from his phone was able to shut up his mind that evening. He kept pondering, kept thinking and replaying the scene from earlier in his head.

His lips were bone-dry so he wet them with his tongue, but when a sudden breeze hit them, it felt like Kibum’s breath on his skin all over again.

When he was back at home in his room, Minho’s words suddenly reverberated through Taemin’s head. ‘I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.’

He had been talking about his crush on Key that day. Key, Kibum – Taemin was more than confused. However, at the moment he felt an awful lot like he still liked Kibum a lot. It was more than that, actually.

Now that he knew who Kibum was, what he identified as, Taemin’s affections had become even deeper. It felt like he hadn’t even fallen for her half way yet when he had called Key his crush.

But now, what did Key – Kibum mean to him?

Taemin knew, he knew it all too well, but he couldn’t tell himself to think the word. To admit it.

Instead, he just groaned. Unrequited love was truly the worst.

Chapter Text

Taemin had worried about Key on her mother’s death date and it turned out he had been right. She didn’t seem downright sad when she came back to school, yet instead, she was distant, absent-minded.

It was obvious her thoughts were straying, but Taemin didn’t know what she was wondering about. These days, Key wasn’t very talkative either and she spent a lot of time at Jonghyun’s place, so Taemin had to resort to following Minho around – not that he minded.

“Yah, Taemin-ah!” his senior greeted him one morning in front of his locker. “Come here for a second, will you?”

“What’s the matter, hyung?” Taemin asked in a cutesy voice that he specifically used to annoy Minho.

However, today Key’s friend didn’t even bat an eyelash at him. Instead, he caught Taemin’s gaze, his face more serious than he had ever seen it before.

“I went bowling with Jinki-hyung and Jongin last evening,” Minho said in a low voice. “And… Well, I probably sound weird right now, but I was wondering if you two are still hanging out?”

“Jongin and I? Sure, we’re best friends,” Taemin lightheartedly replied, but suddenly he realized his words weren’t exactly true.

At least, he didn’t know if they were still true.

“Uhm,” he hummed, “well, we- We haven’t really hung out in a while, but we didn’t fight or anything? So, I think we’re alright?”

“You know, I was just wondering,” Minho said with a shrug.

“Yeah, no… You’re kinda right, hyung. Last time I tried to talk to him at dance, he acted a bit…off. He seemed distant. But we haven’t really spent time together ever since I was told I’d fail English.”

Taemin paused for a moment to reminisce the days when he had first gotten closer to Key.

“He recommended Key-noona as my teacher, but I was so bad at English that I ended up spending more time with her,” he then quietly confessed. “My parents wouldn’t have let me stay on the dance team, so it was good for him, too. Do you think he’s annoyed at me because I spend so much time around Key-noona now?”

“Well, he didn’t mention anything to me or Jinki-hyung, but I noticed you have been spending a lot of time with me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just remembered how much effort friendships require – god knows if I’d be this close to Key if I didn’t see her every day.”

“You’re right, hyung,” Taemin repeated.

There was a sinking feeling in his chest, one that seemed to tell him he was wrong. He still thought about Jongin a lot, and he had been telling himself to spend time with him for ages, but he had never acted on his plans.

Something – mostly Key – had always distracted him, but now that Minho had brought up the topic, Taemin realized he had been a bad best friend. When was the last time he and Jongin had played video games together? Didn’t they use to do that all the time when they were still in middle school?

“I should really talk to Jongin. I hope he’s not too mad at me. Now that I’m thinking about it, I feel like I really did him dirty.”

“Don’t worry, Taem,” Minho told him with a gentle yet encouraging smile. “I’m sure you’ll be just fine. Take your time if you don’t know what to do.”

“I will, hyung. Thanks for reminding me.”

________________________

Taemin spent the whole morning thinking up ways to approach Jongin, but it suddenly seemed like an impossible thing to do. He didn’t even dare look at his friend, although he was sitting right next to him in most subjects.

To be fair, Jongin didn’t exactly make it easier for Taemin, since he vanished right after the lesson ended. Every single time, he was gone when Taemin turned around, as if he sensed something was going on.

The dance instructor had scheduled an extra practice for that afternoon and even though Taemin knew the choreography by heart, he planned on going to make up for the practices he had missed. Also, dancing lessons gave him the perfect excuse to talk to Jongin again, so he really had no choice.

Taemin was just on the way to his locker when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He kept it turned off during the schoolday, but after his lessons had finished he usually put it on silent in case his mother called him.

When he checked the display, he saw Key’s name lighting up. Taemin immediately picked up, pressing the phone against his ear.

“Taemin-ah? It’s noona,” he heard Key’s voice. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.”

A few days ago, Taemin would have said yes without hesitation, but now he stopped to think for a second. The last time he had been alone with Key, he had been a panicking mess after they had been so – physically – close to each other.

However, Key hadn’t been at school today and after the last few days, Taemin felt like he couldn’t say no to her. She probably needed company and the last thing Taemin wanted to do was deny her anything.

“I-“ he started, but Key interrupted him.

“If you can’t it’s okay,” she said. “I just didn’t wanna be alone today… I didn’t wanna stay at home and- I wanted to see you.”

The last part was whispered, in a voice so quiet that Taemin could barely make out the words. Key’s confession made him blush nonetheless, and without hesitating this time, he agreed.

“Don’t worry, noona, I’m free. I’m done with classes now so I’ll catch the bus to your place. Then we can go somewhere, to the movies or something.”

“That sounds really great. Thank you, Taemin.”

Key hung up and Taemin immediately hurried to his locker – he wanted to pick her up as soon as possible, so she wouldn’t get lonely.

Almost on hour later, Taemin turned up in front of Key’s home, Jongin and the dance practice long forgotten. He rang the bell and braced himself for the worst, distinctly remembering the one time he had found Key crying her eyes out.

However, he had worried in vain.

Key opened the door with a small yet genuine smile.

“Hi, Min! I’m glad you’re here.”

She was wearing her wig again and Taemin realized it had been quite a while since he had seen her with it on. To be exact, the last time had been on the day he had watched her. The memory still made him taste the bitterness of guilt at the back of his mouth.

“Wah, it’s cold outside, come in!” Key told him and Taemin willingly stepped inside.

“I need to finish off my make-up,” she explained as she led him through the hallway, “but if you want, you can join me. It won’t take longer than ten minutes, I promise.”

“Aren’t you done already, noona?” Taemin asked as he let himself fall onto Key’s bed only a minute later. “You look fine.”

“Ah, Taemin,” Key laughed, “I appreciate the compliment, but can’t you see that one of my eyes isn’t done yet? I’d look weird if I went out like that.”

It was silent for a few moments, then Taemin said, “you shouldn’t have said anything, noona, now I can’t unsee it.”

The two of them spent the next few minutes bickering as Key fixed up her make-up. She seemed eager to leave the house as soon as possible and when Taemin asked her about it, she gave an affirmative nod.

“I haven’t really been able to relax at home lately,” she said in a more serious tone than before. “I’m getting better, though, sometimes it’s just like that.”

She gave herself a quick once-over in the mirror; then she turned to Taemin.

“I’m gonna go grab my sweater and my pants from the dryer downstairs. Even though I love these to death,” she gestured at her over-knees that sported a cute pattern of animal paws, “it’s a bit too cold outside today for me to wear them. I’ll be right back.”

With that, she skipped off, leaving Taemin alone in her room.

At first, Taemin hardly dared to move. He didn’t want to be disrespectful by snooping around, but he had to admit he was curious. The last time he had been in Key’s room, he had been too focused on her to really take in his surroundings.

Finally, he had mustered up enough courage to take a quick glance around from his spot on the bed.

Key’s room was surprisingly plain. Nothing in it, save for the giant wardrobe, hinted at the things its owner liked to do in her freetime, let alone her gender identity. There were no pictures stuck to the walls and apart from an English book, Key hadn’t left any personal belongings lying around either.

Taemin frowned. He had imagined Key to be a lot bolder when decorating her room, especially if he compared it to Jongin’s which had its walls covered in posters of girl group idols. It almost seemed like Key wanted to hide her true colors.

Over and over again, Taemin tried to spot a glimpse of the fabrics he and Key had bought in the city once or the sewing machine she undoubtedly used to design new clothes. But there was nothing at all that suggested she had an unusual hobby.

Taemin quickly realized there was nothing linked to Jonghyun in this room either. There were no pictures, no gifts, not a single thing revealing the two of them knew each other. In the calendar next to her desk, Key had at least written down the dates of Minho’s volleyball matches, but apart from that, the columns were vacant.

As Taemin glanced around a bit more, the weird feeling that being in Key’s room on his own gave him grew. It didn’t even feel like it was Key’s room at all – he had to ask her about the reason behind this once she got back.

Tired of observing the plain white walls, Taemin closed his eyes and let himself fall backwards onto the back. He could hear some noises from downstairs; first there were footsteps, then the sound of a door shutting rang out to him.

It felt like Key was taking ages getting her clothes.

Taemin yawned. He tried to think of all the movies that were in the theatres right now, but the noises from downstairs kept distracting him – and it didn’t seem like Key would be returning anytime soon.

After yet another minute of lying on the bed, Taemin decided to go get Key. He had no idea what she may have gotten up to, but the clouds outside were starting to look quite menacing and Taemin didn’t want to risk getting wet.

He quietly got up from the bed and wandered out of the room, along the hallway and towards the stairs. One step down, another step – Taemin realized he didn’t even know where exactly Key had gone.

Was she in the living room? Or in the basement?

Taemin was about to continue walking when he suddenly saw a movement in the corner of his eye. He instinctively froze as his head slowly turned around, yet before he could take in what was going on, yelling erupted from the bottom of the staircase.

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

Taemin’s heart nearly stopped. He had not expected the scream, nor had he been aware that another person apart from himself and Key was present. However, now his widened eyes quickly found the man standing in front of the staircase that led downstairs, his menacing figure blocking it.

It was Jongin’s and Key’s father, though the last time Taemin had seen him, his face hadn’t worn this ugly mask contorted in anger. The last time Taemin had seen him, the man’s voice hadn’t boomed through the entire house like the apocalypse had just started.

“What do you think you’re doing? Get the fuck here, now!”

Taemin was frightened. For a moment, he thought Key’s father was referring to him. He desperately tried to think of a reason for this, anything he had done to make the man this mad, but his thoughts were whirling around so fast that he couldn’t hold on to a single one.

“Come here!” Key’s father screamed again and Taemin noticed that all of his muscles were tensed up, like he was a predator ready to jump at its prey any second.

Suddenly, Taemin heard another voice and his blood ran cold.

Key was standing on the lower staircase, her sweater lying forgotten by her feet. She must have dropped it at the sight of her raging dad and even now, her body was as frozen as Taemin’s. The most disturbing thing out of it all was her face, though.

She was white as a sheet, the blush that she had used to finish off her make-up two comical splotches on her cheeks. Her body was tense too, yet she looked completely different from her father. The fright shining in her eyes made it even more obvious – she was the one her father had screamed at. She would become a victim of his aggression any second now.

Taemin wanted to scream, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t control any of his muscles. Key seemed to have the same problem, but sadly, that wasn’t true for her father. With an angry bestial roar that sent a shiver down Taemin’s spine, the man lurched forward, grabbing Key’s long hair and yanking at it.

She let out a strangled noise of pain as her wig was ripped off, but her father didn’t let go off her. Instead, he grabbed another handful of hair and Taemin had to watch him drag his child up the stairs with such brute force that he felt like he was about to vomit.

“St-stop!” he heard Key’s voice from somewhere, but it sounded weak, unreal – was this a dream? “Stop, you’re hurting me! Please, stop!”

She was pleading as if the man in front of her was about to break all the bones she had in her body, and Taemin realized in horror that that description certainly came close to reality.

“What were you doing, faggot?” Key’s father screamed at her, his face only inches apart from hers. “How dare you wear those damned clothes inside my house like the freak that you are? Did you really think you could disrespect me in my own four walls?”

“Don’t hurt me! D-don’t hurt me, please!” Key yelled as she stumbled backwards, desperately trying to get away from her father.

Taemin realized he was forcing her away from the front door, her only escape in this situation. He knew he needed to do something, anything, but his muscles still didn’t listen to his brain. So he stood frozen in fear, watching the scene in front of him unfold like it was merely part of the movie they had been supposed to watch later.

“I’m so sorry, dad, I’m sorry!” Key cried.

However, that seemed to make her father even angrier. Taemin couldn’t really see what he was doing, but he knew he was gripping her arm so tightly that it would leave bruises.

“Don’t call me your father!” he bellowed. “I didn’t raise a monstrosity like you in this house! My wife did not give birth to a freak! You aren’t my son! You’re a child of satan!”

More insults fell from his lips, insults Taemin had never heard before – terrible insults that had to hurt Key endlessly.

Her crying mixed with her father’s yelling and together, they almost sounded like music – weird, messed up music, a song Taemin would never forget. He was hardly breathing and his eyes were stinging because he hadn’t blinked ever since Key’s father had ripped off her wig.

“You’re a disgrace, Kibum!” Key’s father screamed – he was hysterical now, if he hadn’t been from the very start. “You’re disgracing the memory of my wife!”

Taemin would never forget the sound of skin on skin, the ugly smacking noise that seemed to resound within the house endlessly – nor would he ever be able to delete the image of Key’s head being thrown sideways by the force her father had used.

For the second time, the man took a swing at his child, but this time his fist met her cheek, the cheek that was still coated by a pretty red blush.

That was when Taemin lunged. The second he was able to control his limbs again he jumped forward and the noise he made was loud enough to make Key’s father freeze in the midst of his move.

His head turned, but he was too slow. Taemin was already behind him and before the man could grasp what was going on, the boy had pushed him with as much force as he could muster up.

Key’s father promptly lost his balance and stumbled sideward as Taemin grasped his child’s hand.

“Key!” he yelled at the slumped figure. “Run!”

Then, without looking back, he started to run, dragging Key along behind him. It wasn’t the first time Taemin had fled Jongin’s house without his shoes on, but once again he couldn’t care less.

His heart which had been so close to stopping before was now racing so fast it hurt, but the pain only made Taemin move faster. All he could think of were the tears streaming down Key’s face when he had yelled her name and the fright in her eyes.

Somehow, she was stumbling along behind him and Taemin dragged her further and further, desperate to get away from the doomed house and the brutal man who was undoubtedly raging through it like a hurricane.

Close to Jongin’s and Key’s home, just beyond the bus stop, there was a small park. It was usually full of families and old people at this time of the year, yet the cold weather kept the town’s citizens from going there at the moment.

The park was Taemin’s destination now and later, he would thank god for all the stamina he had built up during the last year. Taemin wasn’t the tallest or the most handsome or the most popular, but his body could endure a lot.

His hand was still intertwined with Key’s when the two of them hurried through the entrance gate of the park, their lungs burning and protesting against the running. Taemin wanted to go further in order to be completely sure Key’s father wouldn’t find them, but as they ran across the grass, Key stumbled.

She didn’t get back up.

She fell and Taemin wanted to pull her up again, but her arm suddenly became limp. He quickly stopped, turning around only to find her cowering on the cold ground with her arms over her head.

Key was crying so hard her whole body shook each time a sob escaped her. It was a scary sight to see, even for Taemin, who had been at a similar point before. Still, nothing compared to seeing Key break like this in public, where anyone could see hoe her father had hurt her.

Once again, Taemin was paralyzed. He stared at Key, wide-eyed, and it took him a full minute to notice that his own ragged breathing was the sound filling his ears. The world was spinning in front of Taemin and he had a hard time keeping his balance all of a sudden.

The questions, everything in his head, but most of all, the horrible memories made him feel nauseous to a point where he was sure he would throw up right then and there. Over and over again, Taemin saw the towering figure of Key’s dad and his hand that cut through the air so fast it could only be seen as a blur.

Later, Taemin asked himself if his mind had unconsciously been dramatizing the events all along, but at this moment, he was convinced he had never seen a person use as much force before as Key’s father had.

The whole situation was so sick, it was sick that Key had been beaten, sick that she had expected it, so sick and twisted that Taemin couldn’t even fully process it.

His chest felt too narrow all of a sudden and he couldn’t breathe against the weight that had been dropped on him. Frightened, Taemin glanced down, but there was nothing that kept him from taking a deep breath – nothing but the panic building up inside him.

What was he supposed to do? How could he help Key? Was there any way for her to recover from this, ever?

Taemin squeezed his eyes shut as he dropped to his knees beside Key’s body, his hands digging into the grass until he could feel chunks of earth under his nails. His thoughts were racing as fast as his heart did, but he knew he couldn’t give in to the panic now.

Don’t yield, he told himself over and over again, a frantic mantra that he tried to hold on to. You’re always complaining because no one takes you seriously. This is your one chance, the one moment where you should be a man. Get up. Help Key. Do something!

Miraculously, Taemin’s breathing began to even out again. At first, he coughed and choked a lot, but the feeling of grass under his palms and the cold air on his face did enough to keep him grounded.

When Taemin finally opened his eyes after recover from the brief anxiety attack he had had, Key still hadn’t moved an inch. At the sight of her frail body, helplessness threatened to overwhelm Taemin all over again, but this time he managed to fight it.

A cold breeze hit his skin and Taemin shuddered. While running, he hadn’t realized how cold it was, but now that he had stopped, he really wished he had a jacket or anything of that kind. Taemin’s heart clenched painfully when he realized how much worse it must be for Key.

He carefully took a peek at her shaking form, afraid that she would break at the slightest movement of his. She seemed to be completely caught up in her own head just like Taemin had been only moments ago, with her arms folded over her head as if she was trying to protect herself.

However, it was already too late for that.

Nothing could undo the damage her father had done, the physical and the mental pain he had put her in. Taemin swallowed painfully against the lump in his throat at the memory of Key’s desperately pleading voice.

“I’m sorry; don’t hurt me.”

How often had this happened before? Taemin wanted to believe that this had been the first time with all his heart, but he knew all too well that it hadn’t seemed like that at all. Instead, Key had reacted as if she had known what was coming – had she, actually?

Each sob that shook her whole body was an indicator for the amount of pain she was in, and as he watched her trembling, curled up figure, Taemin knew he had to do something, anything.

He reached out, his fingers slowly coming closer and closer until they came in contact with her back. Taemin had never seen anyone flinch away as violently as Key did that second. A jolt went through her body like electricity and she coiled even more, a strangled noise escaping her throat.

“Key,” Taemin croaked, his voice full of insecurity. “Key, noona, it’s okay. It’s just me, j-just Taemin. I won’t hurt you I promise.”

Key didn’t respond to his words in the slightest, so Taemin decided to wait for a bit. Even though he had not expected her to crawl into his arms at the slightest touch, sitting still and just watching her cry on and on was one of the hardest things he had ever done.

By now, Taemin was positively freezing and he knew she couldn’t be better off either. His panic attack had exhausted him and he felt weak, as if he couldn’t walk another step. But he knew they couldn’t stay here, that they would have to move eventually.

Finally, after an eternity of waiting, Key uncurled from her fetal position, though she still looked like a frightened animal cowering in the grass like that. However, her sobs had ceased – whether she had finally calmed down or had just run out of tears, Taemin didn’t know.

“Key,” he whispered again, keeping his voice as soft as possible. “D-do you- Can I do anything? For you?”

For the first time since they had gotten here, Key looked up at him and Taemin’s heart stopped for a second. Her cheek had already begun to swell where her father’s hand had hit her and her eye was turning blue quickly. She looked like she was starring in a movie, but Taemin realized with a wince that this was real life.

Key didn’t speak. Instead, she just stared at him with dark, empty eyes, but it seemed like she was looking right through him. Nonetheless, Taemin stayed as still as possible in order not to scare her again.

“Do you want a hug?” he tentatively asked after another while.

At first, Key didn’t react, but then she nodded slightly. Taemin opened his arms and waited for her to crawl over to him. As he carefully enveloped her in a hug, Taemin realized just how ironic this scene was.

Only a few hours ago, he would have freaked at the thought of having Key in his arms again, but now he never wanted to let her go. Even if she had a boyfriend, even if he could never have her – this was different.

If Taemin had the power to help her even in the slightest, he would make infinite use of it.

Taemin held Key for a long time. They didn’t move and didn’t talk either, sharing a silence that said so much more than words could. After a while, Taemin started to wonder how all of this would end, what they would do next, but he didn’t dare to move.

Finally, Key opened her mouth and spoke. She had stopped crying a long time ago, but her voice was still weak, quivering as she talked.

“I-I’m so sorry for what happened, Min. I didn’t know he’d come home early, he usually never does that. We were supposed to see a movie and…have a good time. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Taemin wasn’t sure if Key was actually serious. However, he quickly noticed that she wasn’t in the condition to be joking right now.

“Noona,” he told her softly, “don’t be sorry. If anything, I should be apologizing. I- You’re hurt and I just don’t know what to do now. I’m sorry that I’m just a dumb, helpless child who can do nothing right.”

“You’re not, Taemin. You’re so much more than that.”

Key took a deep breath. Then she said, “I’m alright, I’m fine. You don’t need to do anything, I’ll- I can take care of this.”

Taemin looked at her incredulously, his eyes wide.

“Are you serious? Look at you!”

He gestured at her face but immediately regretted it when he saw her wince.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly said. “I didn’t mean it like that. But, I can’t just do nothing. We can’t deal with this on our own. Should I call an ambulance? Or the police? Someone needs to know that…”

“No, Taemin, stop!”

Key’s scream made Taemin shut up immediately. She was looking at him with her hands raised, and her eyes were wet again – she was probably only seconds away from bursting into tears.

“Don’t tell anyone, please,” Key pleaded as she took Taemin’s hand. “You’ve got to trust me, it’s okay. I- I know how to handle this, I’m okay. Just d-don’t leave me now, please.”

“I won’t,” Taemin stammered as he squeezed her fingers to emphasize the meaning of his words.

He realized he wasn’t in control of what was happening right now, but then again, when had he ever been? He had known he was powerless from the second he had seen Key’s father slap her.

“It’s enough that you’re here, Min,” Key shakily went on.

She had inched closer so that her head was resting against Taemin’s chest now, but he didn’t mind.

“Can’t I do anything?”

He shook his head at his own question. This situation really was hopeless. However, Key seemed to disagree.

“I’m serious,” she said while playing with his fingers which were smaller than hers. “I- You’re here and that already…it makes everything so much better already. This might seem like the worst, b-but it would be way worse without you.

“So please, just hold me, Taemin. I need you.”

The raw emotion in Key’s voice made Taemin shiver and as he let his gaze wander, his eyes were burning. He didn’t want to think, didn’t want to imagine Key’s pain or wonder how much of it she must have had to endure in the past.

Leaving was not an option. Instead, Taemin was willing to sit here for as long as Key needed him – or at least that was what he told himself.

However, after a while of hugging her close, Taemin’s thoughts began to spin again. There were so many questions in his head that he didn’t know which one to think about first. Most of all, he felt like he should be doing something else.

Even though Key had told him not to, he needed to call the police. The authorities had to know how much she was hurting so that they could take her away from her father, the man who had laid his hand on his own child.

Key’s breathing sounded normal and even now, yet when Taemin’s wrist brushed against her neck he could feel her racing pulse just beneath her skin. She was frightened, but for whatever reason, she chose to keep it all inside.

Taemin’s heart sank.

“N-noona,” he said again in a weak voice. “I really think I should call someone now.”

He could feel her fingernails dig into the fabric of his top and that was when he realized he was the only support she had been holding on to for the past minute. The moment he spoke up, Key must have felt like she was drowning.

Nonetheless, he went on, hoping that she wouldn’t slip away from him again.

“We need help, Key. We can’t stay here forever, it’s freezing and you’re hurt. Where are we supposed to go? Maybe I should call Jonghyun-hyung or…”

“Taemin…”

Key’s voice was barely above a whisper and hadn’t Taemin’s attention been so fixated on her, he would have missed her reaction. He looked at her with round eyes.

“Y-yeah…”

“Do you trust me?”

It was a terrible question, a mean one. Of course, Taemin trusted Key with his life and he felt honored by the fact that she seemed to feel the same way. However, right now he didn’t know what he should answer.

Key, with her swollen cheek and blue color blooming beneath her skin, had just told him she didn’t need help. Taemin didn’t even know if she was in the right mind to make decisions – what if her father had done more damage to her than he had first thought?

So, did he trust her right now?

“Do you trust me?” she repeated and her voice sounded so faint, so frail that Taemin couldn’t say no.

“I do,” he whispered.

“Then please believe me when I say that it’s okay. Y-you’re all I need right now. We can’t go anywhere. Let’s stay here. It’s okay.”

“But-“

“Trust me…”

And before Taemin knew what was happening, Key was kissing him.

Chapter Text

Kissing Key was terrible. Her eyelashes were clumped together because she had cried too much and the tip of her nose was colder than Taemin’s feet. In all honesty, it was worse than Taemin’s first ever kiss, which had happened in a cramped bathroom stall in middle school.

Every single one of the countless times Taemin had imagined kissing Key, he had thought it would be perfect. He had dreamt of soft lips and blushing cheeks and shy smiles.

But what he got instead were the cold, and the salty tear tracks below Key’s eyes and the bruise blooming on her face. It wasn’t perfect at all, yet all Taemin wanted was more.

At first he was perplexed when Key’s lips landed on his, but today so many weird and unexpected things had happened already that he kissed back immediately. That quickly shut his brain up, too.

There were no more thoughts, no more questions, just Key and Taemin in the cold. After a few seconds, Key pulled away with a shaky breath. It took Taemin a little while to awaken from his trance, but when he finally did, it hit him.

Key had kissed him.

Taemin’s eyes widened as he stared at Key incredulously. Why had she done that? Didn’t she love Jonghyun?

At Taemin’s shocked expression, Key quickly averted her eyes to look at the ground. Her fringe covered the upper half of her face messily, but Taemin could still see her bottom lip quiver dangerously.

He wanted to open his mouth to say something to her, but his muscles didn’t listen to him. It was her turn to talk, not his, and Taemin knew that all too well – he just didn’t want to make Key cry again. That had never been his goal.

After a long while of tense, awkward silence, Key cleared her throat as if she was ready to speak now. However, before anything could come out of her mouth, something cold and wet landed right on Taemin’s forehead.

Startled, he looked up only to be hit by more drops of water. That was when Taemin realized how dark the sky had become – it was raining.

“I don’t-“ Key started, but she shut up again when more and more rain fell down from the sky, the rate at which the droplets hit the ground increasing rapidly.

“Shit!” Taemin cursed, momentarily forgetting about the matter at hand. “We need to go somewhere else.”

“There isn’t a shelter anywhere close.”

Key looked at him with sad eyes while the rain hit her mussed-up hair and ran down her swollen cheek. Her lips had a blue shimmer to them, Taemin noticed. She had to be freezing and the rain was making it worse.

“We need to call someone for real, noona,” he told Key, failing to suppress his own shivers. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you, but we need to get away from here and somewhere dry and warm.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have my phone,” she said in a broken whisper, but Taemin shook his head.

“I’ve got mine. Do you know Jonghyun’s number by heart?”

“N-no, please not hyung!” Key’s eyes were shining with panic again as she weakly raised her hands to stop Taemin. “I don’t want him to know about this. He’s been struggling so much lately, he doesn’t need another worry to add up to his own. Please don’t tell him!”

Taemin bit the tip of his tongue until he felt a piercing pain that helped him think more clearly.

“Then Minho-hyung,” he decided. “I’ll call Minho-hyung or I’ll take you to my place where my parents are.”

“G-go on, call Ming.”

Taemin’s fingers practically flew from character to character as he typed Minho’s name into his phone. He was incredibly glad that he had saved the tall boy’s number just this week, without even knowing when it would come in handy.

His heart was beating too fast as he pressed the phone against ear which was hurting from the cold. The second Minho picked up, Taemin began to talk, “hyung, you gotta help me. I’m here at the park near Key’s house – I’m with noona, and it’s really starting to rain right now.

“W-we had to leave in a hurry, there was an incident with noona’s dad. Anyway, can you please pick her up? It’s really cold.”

Taemin heard Minho’s quiet curse at the other end of the line before the older responded, “alright, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes since I can’t drive. Do I need to bring anything?”

“Umbrellas would be nice. And shoes? We left our shoes at noona’s place.”

The line went dead and despite the cold and the rain that was beginning to soak through his clothes, Taemin let out a sigh of relief.

“He’s coming, noona,” he mouthed to Key, who was hugging her legs, shivering.

Without thinking twice, Taemin wrapped his arm around her shoulders again and pulled her close. It was as if the kiss had never happened. The only thing that mattered now was keeping each other somewhat warm.

As they sat in the rain waiting for Minho, Taemin realized Key was still wearing her over-knees. They were ruined now, covered in mud and grass, and it pained Taemin to think about how much Key loved them.

He would get her new ones as soon as possible, Taemin told himself as he held on to her.

The two of them were still huddled together like penguins in the rain when Taemin finally saw a tall person approaching. At first, Minho was only a blurry figure due to the heavy rain, but he seemed to be carrying an umbrella and other things Taemin and Key desperately needed right now.

As soon as he spotted them, Minho began to jog, falling onto his knees when he reached them. His hands shot out of his pockets and with expert movements, he began to run his fingers over Key’s injured face.

At the sight of her eye, he let out a quiet hiss, but unlike Taemin, Minho didn’t seem too fazed by the bruise. This couldn’t be the first time Minho had to deal with this, Taemin hazily thought as he forced himself to focus on the older.

“H-hyung,” he murmured, “sh-shoes?”

“I’ve got them, Taemin, here you go!”

Minho tossed him a pair of trainers which Taemin quickly put on after getting rid of his soaked socks. He felt sorry for ruining Minho’s shoes with his wet feet, but anything was better than walking on bare soles.

When Taemin turned back to Minho, he found him whispering to Key, yet he couldn’t make out what was being said. Finally, Minho’s back straightened and he pulled up Key’s almost lifeless body with him.

“She’s coming with me,” he said as he held the umbrella above both of their heads, as if Key wasn’t already drenched. “Are you coming, too?”

Minho seemed genuinely worried about Taemin and his frown deepened noticeably when the younger shook his head.

“My home isn’t far, I think…I need to be alone for a bit,” Taemin choked out, suddenly overwhelmed by everything that had happened within the last hours. “Please take care of her, hyung!”

“Call me when you arrive!” Minho told him.

However, when Taemin was about to turn away, he reached for his arm and squeezed it.

“I’ll see you at school on Monday. Don’t worry too much, Min, it’s going to be alright. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here…”

“Thanks, hyung.”

As Taemin walked away, he began to cry quietly.

____________________________

When Taemin returned home, his mother was already waiting for him. Of course she made a huge fuss, demanding to know why he had turned up completely soaked and with shoes she had never seen before.

However, being the loving mother she was, she also made sure Taemin could take a hot bath although he hadn’t explained anything to her.

Taemin let her be. He let her fret while he was lost in his own thoughts. He didn’t tell her that every kind word of hers and every gentle touch made him feel sick because they reminded him of how parents were actually supposed to be – caring, understanding.

Every time the memories of Key and her father came back up again, Taemin wanted to scream. He wanted to cover his eyes and bury himself under his blankets until his brain was finally silent.

But there was nothing he could do against the horrible pictures that kept coming back to him.

As promised, Taemin called Minho when he had safely arrived. The elder seemed relieved that Taemin was alright, but he didn’t say anything about Key’s condition and Taemin didn’t dare to ask.

He didn’t eat dinner that night, instead going straight to bed. Taemin had thought he would fall asleep immediately because he felt so tired. The exhaustion was stuck deep inside his bones yet the second he was alone in the dark, Taemin remembered everything.

His chest ached when he thought about the way Key’s father had insulted her before launching a physical attack. How had he never known?

Now that he had witnessed Key’s father’s violence, Taemin realized Key had never mentioned him in her stories. She had never confirmed that he accepted her as she was, but she had always seemed tense when talking about him.

How often did he hit her? Was this a regular occurrence? And why hadn’t she wanted Taemin to call the police?

Taemin couldn’t answer all these questions on his own – it was simply impossible. Throughout the whole weekend, he had to suffer because of his own unknowingness and every time he thought about Key, he prayed that she had recovered at least a bit.

Taemin had completely banned the kiss from his mind, even if he was dying to know why Key had acted like this. However, her well-being was much more important than Taemin’s feelings, so he tried not to think about it.

On Monday, Taemin forced himself to go to school although he had hardly slept the last two nights. Nonetheless, he knew he needed to go for the sake of talking to Key and getting some of the answers he needed so desperately.

When he caught a glimpse of Jongin in the hallway, Taemin felt a pang in his chest. His best friend had never mentioned his father being abusive; he had never suffered any visible injuries either – so did his father only hit Key? And did Jongin know about it?

In his sleep-deprived state, Taemin bumped against another student while walking, the impact almost making him tumble to the ground. However, he managed to regain his balance one second and found himself leaning against someone’s locker the next.

The mass of people moving through the corridor made him dizzy. No matter how hard he looked, he didn’t spot Key’s familiar black fringe. Instead, there was a sea of students he had never seen before, who were chatting away in obnoxiously loud voices.

Taemin bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood, hoping the pain would keep him somewhat sane. Suddenly, he heard someone call his name and whipped around immediately.

“Taemin!”

It was Minho. The tall senior was walking towards him, towering over most other people in the hallway. When he reached Taemin, he let his eyes wander over him once before he shook his head.

“You look like shit. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“H-hyung, I have school,” Taemin protested weakly as Minho pulled him away, but he didn’t mean it.

In reality, he doubted he would make it through a single lesson this morning. First, he needed to see Key and make sure she was alright.

Taemin’s stomach was churning with nervousness as he let himself be dragged along by Minho, who seemed to know where he was going. After a while, they reached one of the school’s back entrances which was hardly used by any students in the morning.

In front of the door, Minho stopped.

“Let’s go outside for a bit, shall we? Hyung will buy you a coffee and then we can talk a bit.”

“But my teacher,” Taemin said again.

“It’s no problem. We’ll type out an excuse saying you were sick and…I’m pretty good at copying handwriting. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”

Taemin had meant for his voice to sound firm, but instead it came out croaky. Minho didn’t comment on it, though, pushing the door open instead and leading Taemin outside. The two walked in silence for a while, getting further and further away from the school.

Soon it was eight o’clock and Taemin knew he should be in class right now. However, he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty.

When they passed by a coffee shop, Minho made Taemin wait outside for a few minutes before coming out with two steaming plastic cups.

“Take it,” he told Taemin and the younger gratefully obeyed – god knew he needed the caffeine badly right now.

“Let’s sit,” Minho said and pointed to a nearby bench.

Taemin only nodded. He knew what was about to come, but what he didn’t know was if he was ready for it. His heart began to pound faster as he sat down, holding the coffee cup with both hands.

“So,” Minho started in a voice much quieter and softer than his usual, “I don’t fully know what happened on Friday. I can imagine it but…maybe you should tell me from the beginning.”

“I…” Taemin started but quickly interrupted himself. “Where is Key?”

“Kibum is with Jonghyun,” Minho replied. “He’s sick, this whole…thing was too much for him. At first he was with me but he kept getting worse so I called Jonghyun-hyung.”

Taemin swallowed audibly. He still remembered how Key had begged him not to call Jonghyun in an attempt to spare him additional worries. Kibum’s condition must have been terrible if he had actually caved.

“We wanted to go to the movies together,” Taemin recounted, his voice not yet shaking. “Key called me up and told me she needed company and I didn’t want her to be alone. I came to pick her up but she needed to change and…”

Taemin let out a shaky breath, trying to keep calm although the memory brought tears to his eyes.

“…she went downstairs. It took her quite a while so I went looking for her, but when I came down the stairs her father was there. He started y-yelling and I got really startled at first because I didn’t see her – I thought he meant me.

“And then… Then he said really terrible things to her and sh-she was crying, but I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t move an inch. And her dad ripped off her wig and dragged her up the stairs and then he- he hit her two or three times, I don’t know anymore, but it was terrible. I don’t- I should have helped her.”

Taemin sniffled. He had tried so hard to keep calm in front of Minho, but he hadn’t been unable to stop the tears from running down his cheeks rapidly. A few drops fell into his coffee cup, making the liquid slosh upwards and run over his thumb.

“Taemin-ah…”

Minho’s voice sounded apologetic as he took Taemin’s hand.

“It’s okay, Min. I know it’s hard, it was hard to witness that. It’s terrible and cruel and I hate it just as much as you do, but it’s not your fault. Please believe me. There’s nothing you could have done better. You did a great job at getting Key out of there.”

“B-but she still got hurt, hyung.”

“I know she did. But Taemin…”

Minho looked at Taemin intently, as if he wanted to make sure he was really listening.

“Key was already hurt many times before that. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s the truth.”

“Why would her father even do something like that?” Taemin sobbed as he held on to Minho’s hand tightly. “It’s so cruel! She was begging him not to hurt her, hyung, yet he still did. I don’t understand…”

“Listen, Taemin. I can’t tell you the whole story because I don’t know everything. No one but Key does. But I can try to explain it to you as well as I possibly can, alright?”

“Go on…”

Taemin was aware that he looked terrible with red eyes and snot sticking to his nose, but he was willing to listen to Minho. Anything was better than knowing nothing at all.

“When I first saw Key’s bruises, we had already been friends for a year or so. It happened on accident when we were changing in the locker rooms at the gym. You know Key’s always shy when changing, so we waited until we were the only ones left.

“I saw them and immediately confronted Key about them, but she found excuses. But a few weeks later she showed up on my doorstep after having been beaten up badly, so I guess she already trusted me enough to share this with me.”

Minho sighed deeply as he recounted his own experiences with Key and her father so far.

“From what she told me, I know that her dad doesn’t beat her often. He doesn’t accept Key as she is, so when he sees her wearing feminine clothes or wigs he flips. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but her father also keeps making disrespectful comments when one of her friends is around. It’s subtle but noticeable.

“Key’s never really relaxed when he’s home. It’s a good thing his working hours are so predictable or else it would be a whole different kind of mess…”

Minho trailed off and Taemin couldn’t speak either. He needed a few moments to process all of this newly gained information. The thought that Key was suffering at home still made him feel sick.

It was no wonder she’d had such a hard time trusting him at first, if her own dad hurt her on a regular basis.

“Does Jongin know about this?” Taemin finally rasped out. “Does…his dad do it to him as well?”

“He doesn’t,” Minho immediately said. “It’s only a thing between him and Key. I’m not even sure if Jongin knows about this whole thing. I think Key once mentioned that her dad never hits her when Jongin is there.”

“Actually,” Minho sucked in air through his nostrils before blowing it out the same way, “there’s another thing you should know about. Key is suffering, but she doesn’t think her father is wrong to hurt her. She keeps finding excuses for him.”

“Oh god…”

Taemin wanted nothing more than to bury his face in his hands, but he was still holding the coffee which had gone cold by now.

“I know.”

Minho looked at him with eyes full of sorrow.

“I… When you talk to Kibum, you’ll see what I mean.”

“Alright.”

Taemin felt like he was lying. Nothing was alright, not when Kibum – Key – was hurting like this. He thought he would never be able to wrap his head around this whole situation – it would always seem surreal to him.

“How do you deal with it?”

Minho shrugged.

“I try my best to help somehow,” he said. “I comfort Key and offer her a safe space. But in the end, we’re all powerless.”

The last words carried a bitterness that Taemin had never heard in Minho’s voice before, a bitterness that made him shudder. He had been beating himself up over things had turned out last Friday, but suddenly he realized he wasn’t the only one with regrets.

Maybe he really couldn’t have done anything to help Key.

It’s okay, hyung, he wanted to tell Minho. You’re doing great. Key trusts and needs you so much.

But the words didn’t come out. Instead, Taemin said, “I don’t wanna go back to school, hyung.”

“It’s okay, Min,” Minho said with a small smile. “I have volleyball practice soon since we’re playing an important tournament in spring, so I get to pass class today. You can come and watch. I’ll tell them you’re my little cousin and you’re not feeling well or whatever. It’s okay not to go to school for one day.”

He sounded absolutely genuine and Taemin felt relieved. He knew he wasn’t ready to face Key yet, but he also couldn’t pretend everything was normal.

Suddenly, he remembered something that made him freeze for a second.

“Hyung?” he quietly called out to Minho. “There’s another thing. It’s just like you said it would be – I realized I…I’m in love with Kibum. I’m still in love…”

Chapter Text

It took Taemin over four hours of watching Minho play volleyball until he had finally gathered enough courage. While Minho had spiked ball after ball, Taemin had thought until his head had turned hot – figuratively of course.

Now he was ready.

“Minho-hyung!” he called when he saw Minho jog over to where his water bottle was, probably thirsty from exercising so much.

“What is it, Taemin-ah?”

Minho immediately ran towards him, although his teammates had been skeptical when they had seen Taemin. They were probably just worried he was sick and contagious after Minho had told them he wasn’t feeling well, but Taemin had still felt out of place.

“I’m ready now,” he told Minho when the older was in earshot. “To go and see Kibum-hyung. Can you give me Jonghyun-hyung’s address?”

“Are you sure?”

Minho looked worried, but Taemin had already made his decision. He knew he had to face Kibum today if he wanted to sleep somewhat peacefully that night.

“Please tell me where Jonghyun-hyung lives,” Taemin said again, to emphasize the finality of his decision.

Minho let out a sigh but still told him what he needed to know.

“Good luck, Taemin-ah,” he said when Taemin was about to leave. “I wish you all the best. With everything, really.”

It almost sounded like he knew more than Taemin had told him, but the younger boy was sure that even Minho wasn’t insightful enough to guess that he and Key had kissed.

Now that he knew more about the main issue, Key’s father, Taemin found himself pondering on the kiss during the bus ride to Jonghyun’s house. All the thinking was threatening to give him a headache – he didn’t even know why Key had done what she had done last Friday.

The closer Taemin got to Jonghyun’s place, the more nervous he became. He felt guilty at the thought of Kibum’s boyfriend, wondering if he even had the right to come to his house. Key had given him more than Taemin deserved, but in the end, Jonghyun was the victim here.

Did he know about the kiss?

Taemin doubted it. From what Minho had said, it seemed like Kibum had been too preoccupied with his abusive father to confess a mistake like this to his boyfriend. A mistake, that was what it had to be. Nothing more.

That was what Taemin told himself as he stood in front of Jonghyun’s door, contemplating whether he should press the button next to it or act on his instincts and run away. He ended up ringing the bell.

It almost felt like waiting in front of Kibum’s home all over again, yet it was so different this time. Taemin prayed Jonghyun would be the one to get the door, or else he wouldn’t know how to explain himself.

His heart almost stopped when the door finally opened.

“Huh? Taemin, is it?”

Taemin’s prayer had been answered. It was Jonghyun.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Taemin mumbled as he bowed deeply. “Do you… Is it possible for me to speak to K-Kibum-hyung? I promise I’ll be quick, I just…I really need to talk to him.”

“Of course, come in, Taemin-ah!” Jonghyun said in his awfully pleasant melodic voice that made it so hard for Taemin to hate him. “He really isn’t feeling well, but I understand you need to talk to him. You were with him, weren’t you?”

“I was,” Taemin confirmed as he slipped through the door.

He felt self-conscious under Jonghyun’s stare, afraid that the older might be able to tell that he had kissed his boyfriend from his facial expression or the burning tips of his ears.

However, Jonghyun didn’t confront Taemin. Instead, he motioned for him to take off his shoes and follow him into a small kitchen adjoining directly to the hallway. The scent of traditional Korean spices tickled Taemin’s nose and his stomach growled – he hadn’t eaten all day.

“Do you want something to drink? Or eat?” Jonghyun politely asked, but Taemin was too tense to nod.

The older still sent him an encouraging smile before saying, “I’m sorry, I held you up. Of course you’re only here to talk with Bum. If you don’t mind, I’ll go upstairs to see how he’s doing. He was asleep when I left him, but he might have woken up by now.”

Taemin felt incredibly awkward the whole time while Jonghyun was gone – that wasn’t to say he was better in the older boy’s presence.

The guilt was still gnawing at Taemin’s heart. He was just glad that Jonghyun had such a pleasant and warm aura. It was hard to imagine that he was the same man whose depression was so bad he couldn’t even leave the house and meet his boyfriend sometimes.

Taemin bit his lip as he stared at the door Jonghyun had closed behind him. Kibum’s boyfriend didn’t deserve this. He had been nothing but kind to Taemin each of the few times they had met – it had been wrong of Taemin and Key to kiss.

“He’s awake now!” Jonghyun reported as he pushed through the kitchen door. “He’s sick, so he’s staying in my room at the moment, but he said he wanted to see you. I’ll show you the way.”

His throat blocked by a lump and both of his hands forming fists, Taemin followed Jonghyun up a narrow staircase and into a room that was more spacious than it had seemed from the outside. Taemin’s view was blocked by a shelf filled with books, yet he could imagine what was lying behind it all too well.

“Bummie,” he heard Jonghyun’s gentle call and the sound startled him.

He felt like he shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be witnessing Jonghyun’s affection – Taemin was an intruder and he would always be.

“Taemin’s here to talk to you,” Jonghyun quietly said to the person on the bed behind the shelf.

“Tell him to come in.”

Kibum sounded way more hoarse then the last time Taemin had seen him, but he knew he should have expected this. Not raising his gaze up from the floor, Taemin stepped forward until he stood behind Jonghyun, who was playing with Kibum’s fingers.

“Hi,” Kibum quietly said.

An awkward silence followed. Taemin didn’t know what to do or where to look. A part of him hoped Jonghyun would leave them alone so that they could talk freely, but his other half was absolutely frightened at that thought.

“I guess I’ll leave you two alone,” Jonghyun finally said, sounding a bit more vulnerable than Taemin would have liked.

It felt like Kibum’s boyfriend was suspecting something.

“Come back afterwards, hyung?”

Taemin could hear the pout in Kibum’s voice and his urge to bolt out of the room grew. Kibum was obviously in love with Jonghyun and Taemin had no intention of hurting either one of them. He just needed to talk to Kibum and clear a few things up, but he was afraid that his visit would have consequences.

“I will, baby.”

Jonghyun left the room quietly, but not before pressing a little peck onto his boyfriend’s knuckles. Taemin had expected to feel relieved once the door was shut again, but instead, his heart was beating so wildly that it hurt.

“Taemin.”

Kibum’s rough voice almost startled Taemin to death. He visibly flinched, still not making eye contact.

“H-hyung,” he stuttered but didn’t know what more to say – his tongue was tied all of a sudden.

“Can you look at me, Taem?”

Despite Taemin’s panic, it was still as always – Kibum had him look up immediately at the mention of the fond nickname.

“How are you, hyung?” Taemin asked because he didn’t know what else to say.

While Kibum was still thinking of an answer, Taemin looked him up and down twice. He was sitting up against a few pillows, with a blanket covering his legs and most of his torso. Kibum’s hands were fiddling with the hem of his covers as if he was somewhat nervous.

And then, of course, there was his face – Kibum’s face, which sported not only one but two bruises now, both in stark contrast to his pale skin. His cheek wasn’t as swollen as it had been last Friday, but the injury still looked painful enough to make Taemin feel sick.

“I’m fine,” Kibum finally said in a groggy voice, blinking up at Taemin through glazed over eyes. “I have a pretty bad headache, but Jjongie is taking good care of me.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Taemin repeated. He could already feel himself getting frustrated. “How can you be fine when it’s like…this?”

He gestured at Kibum’s face.

“You’re obviously not fine. Stop with that bullshit.”

After a moment, Taemin added in a timid voice, “can we please talk about this? I feel so confused I didn’t even sleep last night.”

Kibum’s face fell at that confession.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “I really didn’t want to drag you into this. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“So you want me to explain the whole story to you?”

Taemin nodded, although he already knew it was going to hurt. However, he needed to know what had happened from Kibum’s point of view, or else he would never find his peace.

“There’s no point in keeping it from you anyway,” Kibum started off. “You are the only person who ever saw my dad…doing that. Hitting me. No one else ever…”

“Okay.”

Taemin wanted to take and hold Kibum’s hand so badly yet he didn’t dare to, afraid that it would destroy everything. He didn’t want to take Kibum away from Jonghyun.

“I’m really glad you were there, though,” Kibum continued, already getting choked up at the beginning of his story. “I never realized how much it helped to have someone by my side in those moments until you came around. Thanks to you, I wasn’t as afraid. And I’m always afraid.”

He raised his hand to rub at his eyes, though Taemin didn’t know why he was trying to hide his pain. Instead of saying anything, however, Taemin just listened quietly.

“My relationship with my dad is a really complicated one. He’s never accepted my gender identity. I didn’t come out to him either, but he saw me wearing my wig and freaked out completely.

“He hates it so much when I wear skirts or wigs or make-up or anything that’s even remotely considered feminine. When he witnesses it, he will yell at me or shove me or – if it’s really bad – hit me, you saw that.”

Kibum had to pause for a moment due to his voice breaking – whether it was from telling his emotional story or because he was sick, Taemin couldn’t tell.

“But that’s not all there is to the story. You need to know something else, Min.

“It’s not my dad’s fault. He isn’t a bad person and he tries to be the most wonderful parent for Jongin even though he works so much.”

For a second, Taemin didn’t know if he had understood Kibum correctly. How was any of this mess not his father’s fault? Was he seriously making excuses for the man who had made his face look like this?

“My dad is not a bad person,” Kibum repeated in an urgent voice. “Please believe me, Taemin. He’s just…broken.

“He loved my mum so much although they both knew she wasn’t going to make it. He wanted to have a daughter so badly so that he could always be reminded of my mother – and that’s why he can’t accept the way I feel.

“But I can’t blame him for it. God knows I couldn’t live without Jonghyun – and I get why he does what he does. I really do.”

It was a miracle how Kibum had managed to hold back his tears all this while. His bottom lip was trembling dangerously, but he wasn’t crying – yet.

Taemin, on the other hand, was enraged. He had never felt this angry before. The story of Kibum’s father and the way his child had ended up because of him made Taemin’s blood boil to a point where he didn’t know what he would do next.

“But he mistreats you, hyung!” it burst out of him the second Kibum had finished talking. “He insults you and I know you’re hurt – don’t try to tell me you aren’t! You’re suffering! Why won’t you acknowledge whose fault it is?”

The frustration that had build up inside of Taemin had made him blind when it came to Kibum’s feelings. He only realized how bad this whole situation really was when the older burst into tears at his words, once again shaken by sobs.

“I only asked you to believe me!” Kibum cried. “Why can’t you even do that for me? Stop saying it’s my dad’s fault when it’s not! He’s a good parent.”

“Oh god…”

For a second, Taemin could only watch with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape. Then, however, he abandoned all of his resolutions within a second and lurched forward, pulling Kibum into an aggressive yet comforting hug.

“I’m so sorry, hyung,” he whispered over and over, “I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll believe you, I promise to believe you.”

Fortunately, Kibum’s outburst was only a short one. Soon enough he had stopped crying, but he appeared to be exhausted and Taemin knew he didn’t have a lot of time left. On the bus ride here, he had made another plan – and no matter how afraid he was, he would try to go through with it today.

“Do you wanna lie down, hyung?” Taemin gently asked Kibum who had started shaking slightly.

“Hm,” Kibum nodded. “I’m a bit dizzy. Thanks, Min.”

After Taemin had helped him arrange his pillows, he took a step back from the bed, although he was still in reach. For this next step, he didn’t want to be too close to Kibum, didn’t want to smell his familiar scent or feel his breath hit Taemin’s skin.

“There’s another thing I wanted to talk about, hyung,” Taemin finally said, in a voice that sounded almost solemn. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I was waiting for you to ask that.”

Kibum’s eyes were tired yet full of warmth as he looked at Taemin, maintaining eye contact as he said, “I don’t really know why I did it. At that time, it just felt right, but it was probably wrong. You know I love Jonghyun…”

“Yes, I know.”

“I want to spend my life with him. I told you that before. But you need to know that I care about you a lot, Taemin. You’ve become so important to me in such a short while – just as important as Minho and Jinki-hyung yet still different. It’s hard to describe.”

Kibum let out a cough.

“I’m sorry if I confused you or overstepped your boundaries. I don’t want to lose you, Taem, you make me happy. You’re really, really precious to me.”

And suddenly, Taemin was completely calm. An hour ago, he had been shaking at the prospect of this and every time he had thought of Jonghyun, he had been afraid of hurting him with his plan.

But now, in this very moment, Taemin knew he wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Kibum and Jonghyun were meant for each other and his feelings could never change that. Therefore, he would be honest now, so that everyone could move on afterwards.

This was his time to confess to Kibum.

“There’s something you need to know, too, hyung,” he began. “My feelings for you were never platonic. Don’t get me wrong, I love being friends with you. But the day I met you – you were Key – I found myself getting infatuated.

“It’s ridiculous how much I like you because I’ve never felt that way for anyone. When I found out Kibum and Key were the same person, I was confused because I thought I only had a crush on Key. But after a while, I realized I still liked you, no matter what you looked like or what you called yourself.

“I have a giant crush on you, but it’s okay for you not to feel the same, hyung. I realized that you and Jonghyun-hyung complete each other and I want you to keep being together, as strange as that sounds.

“So please don’t feel bad about the kiss or our closeness or anything else. I love being friends with you and it’s more than enough for me – I just wanted to be honest with you. Hopefully, we can continue to be friends. Please ignore my feelings for you from now on!”

He had done it. Taemin had confessed to Kibum and he honestly hadn’t felt this relieved in a very long time.

A soft smile had appeared on Kibum’s face while listening to Taemin’s monologue.

“Don’t worry about it, Minnie,” he softly said. “Everything will be okay.”

Taemin clasped his hands together.

“I’ll leave you alone now, hyung. Rest a lot and get well soon, alright?”

“I will. See you in school. Don’t cause any trouble!”

“You’re done already,” Jonghyun said when Taemin came downstairs.

He was sitting in front of an old piano Taemin hadn’t noticed on his way in, but the lid was closed.

“You look happier,” Kibum’s boyfriend commented as he got up to escort Taemin to the door. “Did he explain everything to you?”

“We talked about his father,” Taemin truthfully said. “Among other things. I hate that hyung’s hurting, but I want to help him as much as possible.”

“The same goes for me.”

Jonghyun waited until Taemin had put on his shoes. Then he politely bid him goodbye, to which the younger boy responded, “take care of Kibum-hyung, Jonghyun-hyung. And please take good care of yourself, too.”

With that, Taemin left, a slight skip in his steps.