Archive of Our Own ^beta

it was tragedy day as the sun was shining and everyone was outside morning the hinawub who got chomped by a dinomasaur. tis sad.

claus was also sad. he didn't show it because he's too badass to cry but yeah he was p sad his momther was ded cause he wasn't entirely 100% man, but 100% boy. lucas was crying because crying is a lucas thing that lucas does while flint had his ass sent to jail for knocking some bitches. it was up to claus to set things rite.

he equiped himself with a butterknife because he considered himself part ninja since he was still in his naruto weeaboo phase but he was sort of getting out of it and now was the time to show how edgy his ten year old ass can be. he also equiped himself with the power of being ginger, because as long as he had the blood of a carrot he would forever be resilient or something iunno how it works entirely but claus is a carrot and dinosaurs probably don't like vegetables so there's that.

he marched to drago world when saw the entrance was blocked by this nerd. this fucking nerd just stood in his way even when he channeled his inner school bully and edgily said, "frick off u fricker", that fucking dweeb wouldn't budge.

"hey kid," the road block nerd said in a nerdy way, "if you fight that thing you're gonna be unalive so don't."

"shut up you frick," claus said edgily, "you can't tell me what to do cause you ain't my momther cause SHE DED."

"yeah but...... what if i told.... i seen the future."

"!!! you physic or something,"

"no anD IT'S NOT PHYSIC YOU PIECE OF SHIT FRICK IT'S PSYCHIC. LIKE DAMN YOU'D THINK IN A SERIES FULL OF BRATS WEILDING PSI AND SHIT YOU PEOPLE WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT PHYSICS AND PSYCHICS ARE NOT THE SAME GODDAMN THING AND YA'LL NEED A DICTIONARY," jeff ranted as he vented the autor's frustrations in maximum subtlty, adjusting his glasses, "i would know, as i am a physic not a psychic."

"but how see future tho," claus said not giving any shits.

"NOT WITH MAGICK.... BUT WITH SIENCE!!!!!!"

"WOAH MAN," claus was in awe.

"yeah man and that's not all," jeff then opened his jacket as he showed a variety of guns, explosives and mostly bottle rockets, "dat knife can only get you so far... BUT WITH SIENCE!!!! you can KILL EVERYTHING."

"yeah but what about the point in the plot where i'm supposed to get pk love n shit."

"who needs love when you have SINENCE!!!!!"

"tru. bye the way what your name."

"jeff"

"claus"

"edgy"

"thank"

so they ventured through the drago planet, intently skipping the magypsy union much to the dismay of shigesato itoi whose spirit is currently shaking his head at me but i feel no guilt because hey at least i'm not riting luclaus shit. they encountered big bad king drago and claus tried stabing with a nife but it wasn't very effective because steel attacks aren't very effective against steel stypes and i'm under the impression that everything in the universe abides to pokemon logic so don't mind me i'm just a rock type tree.

"CLUS!!!!!" jeff exasperated, "LOOK AT THIS SHIT,"

before claus could get super-effectived by a flamethrower attack on him which is super effective because he is a carrot and carrots are considered grass types, jeff shat a FUCK!!!! LOAD!!!! OF BOTTLE ROCKETS!!!???!!!! LIKE DAMN SON WHERE YOU KEEPING THAT SHIT DID YOU SHOVE IN YO-

"DAYUM," claus was edgily enjoying the mirage of deth and destrucation before him. in a few more explosions the big bad king drago was ded. he gave no shits over the crying babby next to it cause crying is a lucas thing to achieve pity points.... or at least he thought because since he was an edgy piece of shit he felt the need to be an ass in general, tho you couldn't tell because he's p chill most of the time because let's face it claus is the fucking greatest ok.

"we did it" he channeled his inner badass and stood on top of the ded drago, "we avengered momther." jaff shed a manly tear as he did most of the work and claus was probably gonna take all the damn credit but he didn't care because the way claus looked so confident and satisfied (ignoring the fact that avengering momther doesn't bring hinanwubwub back) on top of the ded drago was pretty fucking majestic. he was like "shit he look good," but ignored how he felt because he was supposed to be gay for tony not clos, thus the way of canon.
claus got down and to jeff's suprise he hUGGED HIM LIKE WOAH. THIS HUNK IS HUGGING THIS FUCKING NERD.

"i... i couldn't have done it without you mystery nerd," claus's face was really red and it wasn't cause he was a carrot.

"it's jeff," he adjusted his glasses cause that's a jeff thing to do.

"rite... jeff... thank you. i don't wanna admit it, but if you hadn't shown up, i would be a ded carrot," claus was being p ooc but who gives a fuck really.

"well that and you'd be a brainwashed cyborg slave."

"what"

"what"

"no what the frickle doodle squat did you just say"

"nothing"

and so, arms hooked, they walked off into the sunset, destined to be shipped forevs (in this fic at least). but will there advent continuate???? cause i'm p damn sure that the game would've continued regardless of claus fucking himself over and there's still like seven chapters left so holy fuck i'm gonna have to update this shit aren't i.

toon in next time if i feel like updating this piece of shit. and if i have time. because i am an avergae person who does avergae things like shool and drive and jobs and pretend like i know what i'm talking about and yeah i'll stop