Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cheese.

The proof of human superiority, their stupidity and the enslavement of cows.

Disgusting. Akutagawa despised its sole existence. Cheese should have been banished ages ago. Why should humans enslave cows to provide themselves with milk, cheese and, worst of all, meat when they have plenty of other ways to get food?  What gives humans the right to treat another living being like this?

The world is dying unable to get over this medieval concept of animals serving man. It’s suffocating in its own carnivore filth.

“Would you like me to pack it in a separate plastic bag?” the supermarket assistant asked with a kind smile on his face, almost as wide as the little ladybug’s smile on the supermarket logo.

Akutagawa couldn't believe his own ears.  Why of all the people in the universe he had to have to always deal with this mindless idiot who was not only working with cheese but also was so eager to kill himself along with the whole planet. It was all Gin’s fault.

“I always give you my own container for the cheese, to reduce the waste. And you always ask if I want the plastic bag. Do I look like a person who uses plastic bags? Every fucking time. If you ever ask me again if I want to join in your fuckfest of establishing the plastic oceans I will fucking shove a whole roll of plastic bags into your stomach so you can feel by yourself how long they do not dissolve.”

The young boy behind the counter averted his eyes. He looked scared. He seemed to be shrinking under Akutagawa’s hateful glare. And he should be.

“Uhm…” he said with hesitation. “Sorry. It's just the store policy, I have to ask. I know you don't use plastic bags. But, in my defense, you don't look like you eat cheese either.”

Akutagawa felt like he had just been slapped in the face.

“I do not eat that abomination.”

The boy blinked in confusion.

“Then what do you do with it? You know, throwing it out doesn't really help the planet. I think. I don't know much about fertilizer.”

Akutagawa decided not to teach him. He wasn't going to invest any knowledge in those carnivore savages with plastic bags.

“It's for my sister.”

Actually, this whole situation was Gin’s fault. He insisted that Gin used her own boxes to pack cheese instead of overusing cling film. Of course, she thought he was going crazy. She would never bring them so he started buying cheese for her when she asked.

And then, once, they went to Little Ladybug together. Akutagawa made a mistake of checking out the pretty dairy product sales assistant, the same horrible idiot that was standing in front of him right now. Since it wasn’t that often that someone caught his eye, Gin was overjoyed.

She started, as she called it, “shipping them”. It was horrible. He had been put on grocery duty and now he had to buy cheese for her and for their roommate Fyodor.   

“Oh, you have a sister! That explains so much! You are always so protective and…” the pretty sales assistant smiled.

Akutagawa wanted to send him to hell. Both for that smile that had put him in this situation and for selling cheese.

“Just shut up and give me the fermented milk so many cows had suffered to make.”

“You know that most of the cows are alive just because people are using them for milk, right?”

Akutagawa was boiling with rage. But even in that state, he noticed something strange. That boy never talked back. He always accepted Akutagawa’s abhorrence for his products without any protest.

Even though he despised him for selling cheese, he had to admit that they bonded since Akutagawa was coming to Little Ladybug every week. He couldn’t bring himself not to care.

“Oi,” Akutagawa got seriously worried. “Is there something wrong? Are you alright?”

“Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to talk back. I just had a rough day. I totally respect your lifestyle I didn't mean to be rude.”

Out of the blue, a new customer approached dairy products. The boy behind the counter promptly passed Akutagawa his box, smiled, wished him a nice day, and turned to provide perfect service with a smile like it was supposed to be done at Little Ladybug.

Akutagawa knew that Gin would probably make his life a living hell if he walked away now. As a human being, for the necessary social interactions, he had to stay and ask about the boy’s day.

He watched with disgust as an elderly woman asked for a small piece of her favorite cheese. Probably, she’s spent most of her life buying cheese every week. How many cows had to live their lives in slavery just so she could satisfy her selfish desires?

The supermarket employee was nice to her. He was nice to everyone, even Akutagawa.

And Akutagawa was still standing next to the counter like a creep. The old lady clearly judged him. She hesitated for a moment but then, about when she wanted to walk away, she noticed the pin he had stuck to his bag “KILL THE MEAT EATERS, SAVE THE FOREST” in bold letters. Immediately,  she turned back to the counter and whispered to the sales assistant, loudly enough for Akutagawa to hear.

“Do you want me to make that creep go away, Atsushi-kun? Or I can call the security!”

Akutagawa blinked. Atsushi. He wondered how the lady could know his name if that boy almost never remembered to wear his nametag.

Although he had to admit, it was nice, learning the pretty clerk’s name? He wondered about the kanji that had been used. He doubted it was kanji for hot, even though certainly it was fitting. But there were other kanjis. Beautiful ones. With a lot of strokes. So many possibilities.

“Please, don't scare him off, I actually like him,” Atsushi whispered back to the lady. He did it properly, quietly,  Akutagawa barely heard the last part.

Instead of happiness Akutagawa felt pure horror. What if actually that boy liked him and wanted to be his friend? It had no future. Where would they eat their lunches? Would he be able to have a peaceful date with Atsushi if he ordered chicken or, God forbid, beef?

Akutagawa knew the answer pretty well. He would throw that steak right into Atsushi's pretty face.

The lady walked away, mumbling something about kids these days.

“So…”Atsushi started shyly. “You know my name. Well, you probably knew it because I wear a nametag but...”

“For months I've been coming here I have never ever seen you wearing a nametag.”

“Yeah, I'm kind of forgetful about that,” He blushed, clearly embarrassed. “Anyway, I'm Atsushi.”

“Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. So  what is wrong with your day?”

“Well, the store manager,  Fukuzawa-san, his fencing school is doing really great and he doesn't have time for this job anymore. We have a new manager starting this week.”

‘Maybe he will expand the tofu variety,’ Akutagawa thought to himself with hope.

“During the meeting, he was a little creepy. And Yasano-san, the lady in charge of hardware, used to work for him. When she talks about that time, she is not the same,” Atsushi explained. “He was a very capable manager but his methods... were like those of a mafia boss. And he improved the budget by employing minors. A lot of minors. Yosano-san said it was really suspicious.”

“Wait, so now you don’t employ minors?”

“No? Except for Naomi, the pretty girl on the cash register. She’s Tanizaki’s sister and she’s seventeen. You know Tanizaki, right? The redhead that bakes. You eat bread, right? Or it’s no gluten for you too?”

“Gluten is poison.”

“Of course.”

“But not that deadly. It’s more of a fashion statement for most of the people and I’m not that easily impressed by masses. So yes. I do eat gluten.”

Atsushi actually seemed very relieved.

“Oh my god. For a second you had me wondering if you only eat cooked vegetables and that’s why you are so skinny. Not that I mind the way you look! Or the fact that you don’t obey general fashion! It’s actually good because not only you look like a hipster eco vampire but you eat gluten so...” Atsushi blabbered.

“But,” Akutagawa interjected. “You are in the wrong. They are not siblings. First of all, they look nothing alike.”

“That’s not really...”

“Secondly,” Akutagawa kept on talking. “Me and my sister came here in the middle of the night and saw them making out on the cash register.”

Atsushi was opening his mouth and closing it again, without saying a word. He looked like his whole world crumbled.

“But... they said they were a family.”

“Anyway... So you’re legal, right?” Akutagawa asked casually.

Not that he cared how old was someone working in the cow torturing business. He was just being polite.

“I’m almost twenty. They can’t be... But they have the same surname!” Atsushi shook his head in disbelief.

“I would guess they are married she’s so young they are embarrassed and worrying about what people would think.”

“I still don’t believe you. And you can’t get married so young!”

“You can, with a parent’s and court’s permission. You just need a really good reason.”

“ That’s not… Wait here for a second.”

Atsushi took off his apron and ran away, disappearing into the maze of the supermarket aisles.

Akutagawa was left alone with cheese. He closed his eyes not to look at it. Still, he could smell cows’ suffering in its disgusting scent. He took a deep breath and tried not to suffocate.

The box of cheese in his hand seemed to weigh a ton.

Fortunately, Atsushi returned soon, before Akutagawa could cough his lungs out because of the smell, with a blond boy who often unpacked things all over the store.

“Kenji-kun, can you handle the cheese for a minute? I need to do something.”

“No problem!” the blond answered with a broad smile.

Atsushi grabbed Akutagawa by the sleeve and pulled him away from the cheese stand. Finally, his lungs were free. But still, he felt contaminated.

“Don’t touch me, your hands are stained with cows’ torment!”

Atsushi immediately released him. He looked really embarrassed. Akutagawa almost regretted telling him off and was tempted to allow him, if the only the boy washed his hands, to touch his coat. After all, it was just cheese. Gin ate tons of it and he still let her hug him.

“S-sorry. Could you come with me for a second?”

Akutagawa followed him through the supermarket until he froze. Atsushi stopped too trying to figure out what was wrong with Akutagawa.

They were next to the fish stand. Akutagawa suffered when he was next to cheese. When he saw all these fish he wanted to destroy the whole Little Ladybug.

Some of these fish led a peaceful life in oceans, knowing freedom better than anyone on the planet. But then tricky humans captured them, tortured them and in the end killed them. And they thought the fish were too stupid to understand their own suffering. Mindless assholes. They deserved to pay for their crimes.

Some of the fish were raised in crowded cells just to be slain when they were still barely children, they...

“Akutagawa-san?” he heard Atsushi’s voice. “Akutagawa-san? Are you all right? Suddenly, you’re very pale...”

Next to them, a young hipster was looking for a snack. In his left hand, he was holding a fish in a plastic bag.

Akutagawa turned to him and forcefully grabbed his arm. The young man suddenly faced a scowl of absolute revulsion.

“Don’t you hear that fish screaming?” Akutagawa asked, deadly serious.

“Dude. Fish don’t talk.”

“I bet you would have a hard time screaming if someone was choking you with a plastic bag too,” Akutagawa knew he must have looked murderous. “Or just wait, until we all suffocate under plastic because of people like you, then you’ll know the feeling.”

“This fish is dead!”

“And whose fault is that?!”

“Leave me alone! I’m a vegetarian!”

“Don’t you dare call yourself vegetarian when you still murder innocents!”

“Dude. Fish are stupid. They don’t have feelings or anything.”

Akutagawa was going to murder him.

“Atsushi-kun! Shouldn’t we call the security?” he heard someone very close whispering to Atsushi in panic.

“Tanizaki-san! I have been looking for you! Akutagawa-san, sorry to disturb your fight for fish liberty, but is he the guy you saw the other night?”

Atsushi smartly pulled Akutagawa away from his pray. The other man used that opportunity to quickly run away. Akutagawa sent him last, hateful glare before turning to Atsushi and the redhead next to him,  also in the T-shirt with supermarket logo, a little happy ladybug.

“Yeah. That’s him. He’s so-called sister was all over him.”

“Tanizaki-san?!” Atsushi gasped. “Really?!”

“Shhh...” Tanizaki waved his hands in panic. “Please, don’t tell anyone!”

“But...” Atsushi asked, lowering his voice. “She’s not really your sister, right? Please, tell me she is not!”

Tanizaki was blushing and panicking even more.

“She... she is.. well... it’s...”

“She’s your wife but your family and friends don’t know,” Akutagawa said. “Now that I helped you, I would like to use the fish stand to poison all the pseudo-vegetarians and fish-murderers. I demand that you help me.”

Tanizaki ignored the second part but it seemed that someone else confessing in his stead brought him relief.

“You’re right. We’re married. But please, don’t tell anyone! Neither my parents nor my friends know about it only Naomi’s family does!”

Atsushi’s shocked only deepened. Akutagawa wondered how could he care so much about human lives when he clearly never spared much thought on the cows.

“Oh my god. Naomi is married. She’s just over a year younger than me and she’s married. To you. Oh my god. How could it be? Why?”

“It’s... complicated?” Tanizaki shyly scratched his head. “Long story short, she’s my girlfriend, she started living with me, her parents were mad that we’re not married, so we got married but I was too embarrassed to tell people.”

“But why pretend she is your sister?”

“Our landlady asked who is she when Naomi was still in her high school uniform, looking at me like some kind of lolicon. Naomi blurted that I’m her brother. Then we signed up for some dance classes and we heard people whispering about an adult picking up high school kids so yeah. We did again. And then again. And then again.”

“That’s so pathetic. You preferred being suspected of incest rather than facing the truth of liking not entirely legal girls,” Akutagawa felt Atsushi’s elbow hit straight into his stomach as soon as he said that.

“Akutagawa, don’t be an asshole! Me and Naomi are pretty much the same age and I can go out with whoever I want!”

Tanizaki looked at both at them.

“Atsushi-kun, of course, you can date whoever you want but maybe, just maybe, you should be more careful about this particular relationship?”

“What?”

“He made a little girl cry because she put her sweets in a plastic bag, Atsushi. I don’t think you should get too close.”

“We... Akutagawa-san is just a customer!” Atsushi blushed. “He buys a lot of cheese for his sister and...”

Suddenly Atsushi was interrupted by the loud, calm voice from the speakers.

“Nakajima-san, please immediately return to the dairy products. The store manager wishes to speak with you.”

Atsushi paled.

“See you next week?” he weakly smiled to Akutagawa.

“Of course. Good luck with the store manager. Try not to forget your nametag.”

Atsushi’s smiled had broadened a little bit. He quickly hugged Akutagawa and run away in the dairy products direction.

Akutagawa was left alone with Tanizaki.

“So,” Tanizaki looked fidgety like he was looking for an excuse to run away. “The cucumbers delivery today was very good. Do you like cucumbers?”

“When I was a kid, I wanted to live with kappas. I thought that I would have to eat a lot of cucumbers to fit in. I was so sick of them after a while that now I only eat them from time to time.”

“That’s... nice. But those cucumbers are really good. You should totally check them out.”

“I shall do so.”

Akutagawa just hoped the cucumbers wouldn’t be wrapped in any plastic.

Chapter Text

Several weeks had passed since Atsushi and Akutagawa started talking. Starting from that day, they always chatted a little bit when Akutagawa was buying cheese for his sister. Though just a little bit since Atsushi was still scared of his new boss. He even started properly wearing his nametag and it turned out that his name was written with a kanji for “sincere” not “hot”. Akutagawa had to admit that it made much more sense.

Everything was stable and tranquil, just the way he liked it, though might have been improved by reducing the amount of meat his roommates ate. Not that he complained a lot about it.

But suddenly, Gin got sick. She was coughing, sneezing, helplessly fighting rising temperature. As her older brother he needed to help. But the medicines her doctor had prescribed didn’t work at all.

Akutagawa knew there was just one remedy that would cure her without a fail. Their mom chicken soup. Fortunately, they had the recipe, Akutagawa decided that he would even accept his kitchen smelling like a cooked dead bird but there was no way he would touch it.

It was for Gin. He tried to convince himself that getting her a chicken was just like buying her cheese.

He just needed someone to cook it for her.

First, he texted Gin’s boyfriend who was way too lame for her. That asshole, of course, was out of town when he was needed.

Their roommate Fyodor was also nowhere to be found. When Akutagawa knocked on his door, there was no answer. Texting him also didn’t work either.  

Hopefully, Akutagawa messaged his favorite senpai from high school. He was very anti-ideology, any ideology, he never respected Akutagawa’s vegan lifestyle, but was a good person, deep inside. Akutagawa hoped that he would help him.

Dazai-senpai not only declined but also texted all their common friends asking them not to help him so he would have to cook the meat by himself.

Akutagawa hated Dazai-senpai at times like this. The worst part was that Dazai was way more popular and he literally knew all of his friends so now he was out of options.

Except for one since Dazai probably didn’t even know it existed. He could go to the supermarket and ask Atsushi. Sure, it would be weird. But he didn’t really care what Atsushi’s co-workers thought about him and he knew Atsushi-himself wouldn’t hate on him for killing a chicken for Gin’s sake.

Akutagawa truly loved his little sister.

An hour after Dazai informed him (adding a proud ramen emoji to the text) that no one would help him and he would have to cook the chicken soup by himself, Akutagawa was back at the Little Ladybug.

He promptly approached the cow enslavement parlor or, as some preferred to call it, dairy product aisle. Luckily, Atsushi was working today.

Akutagawa tried to focus on the boy and ignore all the disgusting cheese. He almost succeeded.

Cheese. Cheese everywhere. Poor cows being stripped of their freedom and put in chains.

“Hi! Did your sister run out of cheese already?” cheerful voice made him regain his consciousness.

“I need your help. I have to commit a crime against everything I believe in.”

Atsushi stared at him in confusion.

“What do you mean by that? Please, don’t tell me you are about to start a straw factory. European Union is already banishing them, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to get into that. ”

Akutagawa was impressed that Atsushi knew what was going on in environmental policies and normally he would praise him but today he had more important things on his mind.

“No. It’s Gin. My sister.”

“She’s done something bad and you want to use plastic to defeat her?”

Akutagawa was pretty sure at this point Atsushi was mocking him. But he was too desperate to comment on that or generally do anything about it. After all, he was about to lose his dignity.

“My sister is sick. She claims only chicken soup will heal her.”

“You want to make chicken soup for her? Wow, you must really love her. Can’t you try to cheat her with a vegetarian broth?”

“I did it last year. Not only it didn’t work, she immediately found out and threw a hot bowl at me.”

“But, I don’t know you’ve noticed, I sell cheese. Not meat.”

“I can’t. I can’t touch meat, it’s too disgusting. Atsushi. Please, help me make a chicken soup.”

“Well, Nakajima-kun, after such a beautiful display of affection from a client it would be terrible for store image if declined,” suddenly a cold, calm voice was heard.

They both turned to see a tall man, wearing a Little Ladybug’s t-shirt under a suit jacket.

Immediately, Akutagawa knew that it was the new store manager. A strange mixture of respect and fear in Atsushi’s behavior only assured him.

“Of course! We have to provide the customers with the best care we can possibly provide!”

“Exactly,” the strange man agreed. “You can leave half an hour early, I will send someone to take over the dairy products from you. Help our precious client with his shopping.”

“Yes, sir!”

“So you are the new store manager,” Akutagawa stated. “Do you plan to widen the variety of tofu?”

“Well, I just took over so I can’t immediately change everything,” the new manager said. “However, since my employees said there was a regular customer with peculiar tastes I decided to order tempeh. I am also planning to have a separate section of organic products and health-food so we could avoid unnecessary contact between people who eat meat and vegetarians. This way we can avoid many disturbing situations.”

Akutagawa gasped. His life was changing for the better. Finally.

“Now, excuse me. I will look for a slacking off employee to switch with Nakajima-kun.”

As soon as he was out of their hearing distance, Akutagawa confessed:

“I love your new manager.”

“I hate my new manager. You didn’t notice that he was mocking you?”

“Whatever he was doing, he was acknowledging my need for tempeh. I have no choice but to love him.”

“Whatever,” Atsushi was clearly displeased. “He still gives me creeps.”

“You know, if you don’t want to… I didn’t mean to force you into this situation.”

“No, it’s fine. Maybe not exactly how I imagined us meeting outside of the supermarket,” Atsushi said. “I thought we would be going hiking to appreciate nature or something.”

“I know. I’m sorry. And it’s not that I don’t like you but do not hike either.”

“Seriously? I thought it was eco enough for you.”

“I don’t really do sports. Or hiking. I just walk. Sometimes.”

“Maybe…” Atsushi stopped talking when he spotted a customer approaching. “Hello, which cheese would you like?”

Akutagawa prepared his deadliest glare, ready to use it when the client would say anything related to cheese but he got thrown off by hearing a familiar voice.

“I need a piece of cheese in good quality, that is perfectly complementing good wine and, preferably, smells of the cows’ enslavement strongly enough to make that man over here faint,” new customer cheerfully stated his demands.

Atsushi didn’t even blink. A lot of customers knew Akutagawa and held a grudge against him.

“Sir, it depends on the wine you will be having. The best choice would be choosing the alcohol first. When you make up your mind, I would be pleased to assist you with a suitable cheese purchase,” Atsushi recited professionally.

“Dazai-senpai,” Akutagawa said slowly. “Why are you here?”

“Akutagawa-kun, are you training with cheese before buying meat? I’m proud of you.”

Akutagawa glared. He doubted Dazai would come here to mock him unless he was completely bored.

Was it all just a coincidence? You could never know with Dazai-senpai.

No, the cheese, the disgusting cheese. It was a hint. Despite his repugnance, Akutagawa forced himself to think about what Dazai-senpai could do with cheese. There were just two possibilities. He could use it to torment Akutagawa. Or to tempt Chuuya.

Akutagawa knew that Chuuya got a part-time job at Little Ladybug soon after the new manager took over. He told Chuuya about the opening himself. Chuuya took the position of the employee of the month by a storm and has been able to keep it up ever since.

Of course, it took Dazai just a few days to find out about his ex-boyfriend’s new job. Ever since he and Akutagawa bumped into each other in Little Ladybug much more often than before.

“Just give him the cheese, Atsushi. He just needs it for a futile attempt to get his ex back. Even I can pity that. Just please, not much. I don’t want too many cows to suffer for that man’s sake.”

Dazai gasped.

“Akutagawa-kun! I never expected you to be so vile and approve of cheese! I’m so proud!”

“Shut up. Just take a small piece of cheese and go harass Chuuya.”

Akutagawa tried not to blush. He always got weird if Dazai-senpai praised him. Atsushi’s glare didn’t help, this whole situation was terribly awkward. Somehow it got even more awkward when Atsushi looked away and nervously tightened a grip on his apron. However, when he opened his eyes, he sounded very professionally.

“Sir, what kind of wine does your ex like?”

“I would say full-bodied red wines but he will drink anything if it has a ‘wine’ label on it. But I’m sure you already know that since you work with my Chuuya!”

“Oh. Yeah. Nakahara Chuuya. I can give you the cheese that Chuuya really likes but it’s too expensive for him to eat it on a normal basis. Would it be okay?”

“That’s perfect!”

To Akutagawa’s relief, Dazai didn’t stay to harass them and left quickly after getting his disturbingly expensive cheese. Before they could talk about what happened, Kenji came over to free Atsushi from his duty. Atsushi excused himself to change.

While waiting, Akutagawa gathered all the necessary vegetables.

It was strange, seeing Atsushi in a loose shirt instead of the sketchy red Little Ladybug t-shirt. He looked nice. Akutagawa caught himself checking out Atsushi once again. He was glad Dazai or Gin weren’t here to comment on that.

The only thing left to do in the supermarket was to buy the chicken. They started slowly walking towards meat aisle and Akutagawa felt like he was walking slowly to his own slaughter.

“You can stay and wait here if you want” Atsushi suggested.

“No. Gin needs it. I will survive.”

Atsushi smiled.

“You know, you are really amazing… amazing brother,” Atsushi mumbled. “Do you have the recipe? Is it just chicken or something else?”

“I didn’t really read it. I didn’t feel like reading about how to cook a dead animal. Wait.”

They stopped as Akutagawa scrolled through notes on his drive. Finally, he found the right one and pushed his phone into Atsushi’s face.

“I don’t really want to read about meat right now either.”

Atsushi nodded with understanding and took the phone from him. Akutagawa waited. And waited. Atsushi must have been stupid after all since he took such a long time reading such short recipe.

Finally, Akutagawa got his phone back. When their hands touched, Akutagawa couldn’t help noticing that Atsushi’s fingers lingered for a few seconds longer than they should. He really hoped that Atsushi washed his hands after touching all the cheese today.

“I added my number to your phone,” Atsushi said. “I thought that maybe if you ever need help with another chicken soup or something, you could text me? Or about anything else?”

“Whatever. Let’s get this nightmare over with.”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Atsushi started walking towards part of the store Akutagawa never even got close to. His pace was suspiciously fast, Akutagawa guessed he was trying to hide his embarrassment this way.

Soon they saw the meat aisle from afar. Akutagawa stopped. No. He couldn’t. It was going against everything he believed in. He couldn’t be the one to buy death.

He couldn’t. It was horrible. He could see the blood of innocents covering everything. They were all dead because of human gluttony. And now he was about to kill one of the free chickens.

He didn’t know what was worse. Buying a chicken that didn’t know freedom and lived his whole life in a cage or going to a farmers market and buying one that knew freedom but was betrayed and slaughtered by those he had trusted.

Akutagawa just couldn’t get closer. All the people around, the filthy meat-eaters were criminals. And now he was about to almost join them.

He felt sick and weak.

He hated himself and the world.

“Akutagawa… Akutagawa!” he heard Atsushi’s calming voice, firmly holding his hand. “I know it’s scary. But you’re doing it only once. Only this one time. And I will be with you all the way.”

They slowly marched towards the butcher. The line was longer than the one for the cheese. Akutagawa tried not to look around. He closed his eyes and waited for his torment to end. He let Atsushi lead him to the line and help him survive that hell.

All the time, Atsushi was telling him that it was going to be okay. And that he wouldn’t think about Akutagawa differently, still Akutagawa would be Atsushi’s favorite crazy vegan.

“Hey, we’re first in the line,” Atsushi informed him quietly.

Akutagawa decided to open his eyes and look at the butcher’s face. He needed to at least do that much.

He did not expect the butcher to be one of his few friends.

“Kyouka. How many have you killed?”

“I just cut the meat, Ryuu. I have been for 35 days. And it was you that told me and Chuuya about Little Ladybug looking for new employees so don’t look at me like that.”

“You told me you got the job… But… How can you do this? Your hands are stained with blood and you hugged me like nothing changed.”

“Oh. So you two know each other?” Atsushi asked.

“I don’t know who she is anymore,” Akutagawa claimed.

“He’s one of my best friends,” Kyouka said. “Atsushi, do you remember how I told you about my first boyfriend? The guy who was going out with me for three months because his sister worried about him being antisocial, who threw a temper tantrum over my chicken salad and who I finally dumped because he was completely gay? That’s him.”

“Wow. It all makes sense now.”

That very second Kyouka noticed their joined hands and stared at them in silence.

“Anyway, I will be needing…”

“Things for your mum chicken soup. I know. Dazai-senpai texted me.”

Akutagawa used his one free hand to unlock his phone to show her the recipe. She tried to touch his phone but he pulled it away.

“You are not touching my things for as long as you have this disgraceful job, Kyouka.”

Akutagawa trusted her but he had his rules. Kyouka was still glaring at their joined hands.

“Fine. Just don’t screw this thing up like you always do.”

“Screw what up?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Just trust me and close your eyes. I will be getting the meat and you don’t want to see that.”

She knew him so well. He obediently closed his eyes. He could have sworn, he had felt a movement next to him and he was pretty sure he heard Kyouka and Atsushi whispering quietly.

Akutagawa ignored them, thinking that probably they were talking about food. He tried to think about something completely unrelated. Like law. How wonderful it would be if they would establish liberation of the livestock like Japan did in middle age. If only stupid gaijin would leave. Without them, it was almost a vegetarian country. Stupid flesh devourers.

“Akutagawa, it’s over. We can go,” Atsushi said.

“But where is the chicken cadaver?”

“I have it, you will just pay for it.”

Akutagawa opened his eyes. Meat. Meat was surrounding him like in hell.

And Atsushi was holding a bag full of it. A plastic bag.

“That’s a plastic bag.”

“That’s how it works, Ryuu. You don’t really pack the meat in any other way,” Kyouka explained.

“You filthy carnivore destroyers of the planet!” he hollered at everyone around him and almost ran away with Atsushi.

“Text me later,” Kyouka asked before they were out of the reach.

He hated that store. There were far too many sinners here and far too many people in general. He was way past his own comfort zone. He quickly dragged Atsushi through aisles until they reached the check-out.

The cashier was Chuuya.

Great. Just wonderful.

Akutagawa was so sick of his so-called friends. And their crazy eating habits. And how they took over one of his safe-places, Little Ladybug, only because he casually mentioned that they were hiring.

The meat inside the plastic bag was destroying his nerves.

“Atsushi. Never sell cheese to my fucking ex. I don’t care what store policy says about it. Never.”

“Sorry. Was it that bad?”

“If not for Kunikida he would eat the whole cheese in front of me, he even had a cheese knife with him and got some wine. And after every bite, he asked me if I wanted some. I hate that asshole so much…”

“Chuuya-senpai, can I pay?, “ Akutagawa interrupted. “I don’t feel that good. Too much carnivore filth around here.”

“Of course. And I hope Gin will get better soon.”

“You know about it?”

“Private Vietnam of my life has sent me a text before he barged in here.”

Akutagawa rolled his eyes. Chuuya and Dazai were both too much of drama queens. It made their break up two years ago at once spectacular and impossible.

“He seemed to really care about you, Chuuya-san,” Atsushi remarked shyly. “Are sure you don’t want to eat that cheese with him?”

“I liked how you two were together, senpai. Everybody liked it. Except for Fyodor but Fyodor’s evil.”

Chuuya looked like he wanted to punch them both. He quickly scanned all the products and had Akutagawa pay. After that, he almost kicked them out.

On their tremendously long (whole 6 minutes) walk home, Akutagawa relaxed a little. He wanted to release Atsushi’s hand but when he tried, Atsushi didn’t let go.

Akutagawa decided that it was weird but he needed Atsushi to save Gin so he wouldn’t be looking into it too much.

“You’ve been friends with Kyouka and Chuuya for a long time?” Atsushi asked.

“Well… Dazai, the guy that bought the disgusting cheese I know since... forever. And he started dating Chuuya when they were fifteen so I’ve been putting up with them for a long time.”

“And how did you become Kyouka’s boyfriend?”

“I was seventeen years old gay vegan in a closet. And she ate a lot of tofu. But it all turned out to be a lie, she just liked tofu and wasn’t vegetarian at all.”

“You have a rule against dating anyone who’s not vegetarian?”

Atsushi seemed strangely interested. Maybe working with cheese drove him crazy.

“I don’t know if you noticed but I hate the sole possibility of people not being vegetarian almost as bad as I hate plastic bags.”

“All your friends are not vegetarian from what I’ve heard.”

“And they will all burn in hell.”

Atsushi was weird. He kept asking Akutagawa a lot of questions. He wanted to know everything, how he met Dazai, what was he studying, why did he decided to become a lawyer and if he really believed that working in environmental law would really enable him to make a change in the world.

Their reached Akutagawa’s apartment. It was empty, save from Gin who was sleeping like dead in her room. Atsushi was still asking things as he unpacked the ingredients.

For most of the part, Akutagawa stayed focused on Atsushi’s face, until rustle of a plastic bag drew his attention.

He didn’t want to see that. There were parts of a dead animal inside.

Atsushi was holding a dead bird and his sister was about to eat it.

It was so disgusting he wanted to puke.

His head started spinning. He didn’t feel good.

Next thing he knew he was lying down on the couch with a cold towel over his forehead. Atsushi was sitting on the floor next to him, reading a manga on his phone.

Akutagawa knew that manga. And that chapter. He made use of the fact that Atsushi didn’t notice that he woke up and glanced at pictured over his shoulder.

Akutagawa waited until his favorite character, a neurotic cat, was done with his moment until he said, “I love that cat.”

Atsushi jumped up, clearly frightened.

“God. You’re like a vampire from a movie.”

“I don’t drink blood. I’m vegan.”

“Seriously?” Atsushi sassed him. “You like never mentioned it. Do you want a blanket? It’s a little cold here because of the windows.”

Only then Akutagawa noticed that all the windows were wide open.

“Why...?”

“I thought you wouldn’t appreciate the smell so I opened them.”

“Oh. Right. Dead bodies.”

“Don’t think about it. Hey, wanna watch a movie together until the soup is ready?”

“Fine. But bring a blanket from my room.”

He could have sworn Atsushi blushed.

“O-okay. I will go to your room. And get a blanket.”

“It’s on my bed.”

Akutagawa was pretty sure, Atsushi has caught some weird disease because of all the meat, cheese and plastic around him. No one normal would be red as tomato without a good reason.

Soon they sat together in front of the TV and tried to pick a movie. Akutagawa knew from his previous social interactions that suggesting a horror or a movie that was more than fifty years old would be considered weird and wouldn’t get him anywhere so he decided to just let Atsushi pick a movie.

It wasn’t exactly a mistake but he never thought he would be spending his afternoon wrapped up in a blanket with a cheese sales assistant from Little Ladybug, watching some movie about tigers that was probably for kids.

He also did not expect Atsushi to be so much into it that his eyes filled with tears just ten minutes into the movie when tigers’ father died. They were watching in tension as two young tigers’ escaped the hunters. They hid in a seemingly vacant, huge, old mansion.

They wandered through the corridors and both boys watched them in pitched tension. They expected hunters to jump on the pups any second.

Suddenly, a door behind them creaked open. Akutagawa and Atsushi both jumped up and turned. They expected to see Gin but instead, their eyes met Fyodor’s. Atsushi let out a quiet scream.

Fyodor looked truly terrifying. His white pajama and a warm patched blanket he brought from Russia wouldn’t fool anyone.

“I smell soup. You will give me some, won’t you?”

“Fyodor. You have been here all the time? Since morning?”

“Who knows?” Fyodor smirked. “What you’re watching?”

“Tiger movie.”

“Nice”

Fyodor sat down next to them.

“I think I like this movie.”

“By the way, that’s my roommate Fyodor,” Akutagawa explained. “That’s Atsushi from the supermarket.”

“That’s really cute you still don’t believe I already know things. Is the hat thief dropping by too?” Fyodor tried to hide a nervous squirm behind a smile.

“I hope not but he already had his get-Chuuya-back-moment today so it’s possible.”

“You’re talking about Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked.

“Yes. This apartment is on his way home from his school so he comes here on a daily basis,” Akutagawa said and wisely paused the movie.

Dostoyevsky smirked. Akutagawa had a really bad feeling about it.

“Fyodor. No.”

Fyodor blinked.

“If you give me the soup,” he demanded.

“Fyodor. Please, eat a lot of that abomination so it quickly disappears from my apartment, from my life and from my memory.”

They started the movie again and Fyodor stayed with them. All of them got deeply engaged in the story.

They were deeply displeased, almost as much as Akutagawa was with the humanity, when someone started to work the key to unlock the apartment. Akutagawa truly hoped it was Dazai-senpai and not Tachihara, the asshole that didn’t deserve his own key or his sister.

And he still had no idea how Dazai-senpai got his own key.

Luckily, it was Dazai and not Tachihara. On Dostoyevsky's face immediately appeared a huge scowl.

Dazai didn’t even say hello, he just paused their movie and started whining.

“I came to realize that I can’t get back with Chuuya on my own. Chuuya is way too stubborn. I need any intel you can tell me and your support when I realize my plan.”

Akutagawa sighed. Another plan to get Chuuya back meant another wasted afternoon for everyone who wanted to help Dazai.

“I am serious here. Because, the way things are now, Akutagawa will get engaged to the cheese boy here before I get any closer to Chuuya.”

Akutagawa blinked. He didn’t like the idea that Dazai-senpai would keep calling Atsushi ‘cheese boy’ in the slightest.

He didn’t like to be reminded that Atsushi was selling cheese at all.

“Dazai,” suddenly Fyodor spoke up, eyes still focused on his phone. “Chuuya’s meeting you for dinner at the same French restaurant where you broke up in 30 minutes, so run,” he suggested in a calm voice.

And Dazai was gone as soon as he appeared.

Fyodor stood up to turn the movie on again.

“Fyodor,” Akutagawa stopped him. “What did you do?”

“I just told Chuuya that Dazai would buy him a dinner in exchange for a list of reasons why they won’t be back together anytime soon.”

“Why?” Atsushi couldn’t believe him.

“I really want to see if the tigers will find each other,” Fyodor shrugged. “And he was interrupting.”

Chapter Text

Akutagawa smelled dead meat roasted in garlic herb butter. He opened windows in his room so widely that he had to hide under a blanket to survive the cold, he closed the door, but still he could smell it. And the worst part was that the garlic herb butter smelled really nice and made him hungry.

He wanted to get some fruit from the kitchen. Or a piece of bread. Anything.

Slowly, he pushed the blanket aside and approached the door. He hesitantly reached for the handle and after dwelling in that pose for almost a minute, he opened the door slightly and stepped back, leaving it ajar.

The smell of chicken immediately hit him, deadly enough to make him cough. Unable to breathe, he pressed his back against the door, closing it like it was gate leading to hell.

Soon, the coughing stopped but the hunger remained.

Akutagawa started thinking. There was no way he would enter the kitchen. He needed to leave the apartment and have a dinner somewhere else.

Unfortunately, he knew that eating alone on a Friday night would be so lame that it couldn’t even be considered hipster. He quickly took out his phone and started texting.

Dazai-senpai was having a late-night cello rehearsal to beat Fyodor up in the upcoming competition. Kyouka was spending time with her cool aunt. Gin was the one making the damned roasted chicken, the very reason for his misery, together with her stupid, lame, asshole boyfriend, Tachihara.

And last of his friends, Chuuya and Fyodor were having a French movie night with wine and cheese here in his living room. Even thinking about it made Akutagawa feel awkward and not only because of the cheese.

He also kind of was friends with Atsushi. He had boy’s number, after all, he could make a use of it. They talked a few times before, mainly about the vegetables in Little Ladybug.

Vege Demon

Hey, do you want to eat something now?

Tiger Boy

I still have to work for another hour

Tiger Boy

But you can come over

Vege Demon

I am not escaping dead animals being roasted in my apartment just to look at another symbol of animal slavery.

Tiger Boy

Naomi is on cheese now

Tiger Boy

I’m nupacking this

Next message made Akutagawa smile widely.

It was a photo of tempeh. A whole box full of tempeh.

Vege Demon

I’m coming over.

He changed into his evening outfit that consisted of the long jacket that made him look like a vampire seemingly enough to scare people who were leaving their trash on the street.

He took a deep breath and opened the door. He quickly passed the kitchen but in the living room, he had been stopped. Well, technically, it was voluntary. He just did not expect Chuuya and Dostoyevsky to sip wine on the couch, in the room lightened only by a huge amount of candles.

Before he could think it through he took a picture and sent it to Dazai.

They were so engaged in the movie they didn’t even notice him. He just marched through the room and planned on leaving like that. Exactly when he was about to press the handle and finally be free from the disgusting smell of French cheese and roasted chicken, he heard Fyodor’s voice.

“Say hello to Tiger Boy from us!”

Akutagawa wandered once again if Fyodor had bugged his phone.

Less than ten minutes later, he was already strolling through aisles of Little Ladybug, looking for Atsushi.

After another awkward chat with Tanizaki, he finally found him next to tofu. He was unpacking both, tofu and tempeh. Moreover, it was a new brand of tofu. Akutagawa gasped.

“Beautiful, simply beautiful,” he marveled.

Atsushi jumped up, almost dropping precious tempeh.

“H-hi,” he said. “You startled me.”

“It’s new tofu? Has it just arrived?”

“Yes… But don’t buy it now, we were supposed to get dinner together!”

“But what if they will sell out?”

“They won’t. And if they do, I will put a few aside, just for you.”

“Jinko,” Akutagawa was more moved than he had let on. “ I’m really glad that we are friends.”

Suddenly, Atsushi stiffened. He slowly put the tempeh down on the shelf and turned to face Akutagawa.

“Yeah, about that… I have something to tell you.”

Akutagawa had a bad feeling about it. Was Atsushi addicted to meat and cheese? Or had a straw factory in secret? Wild thoughts about Atsushi and the plastic destroying their friendship ran through Akutagawa’s mind.

He didn’t know if he could forgive Atsushi.

Not the straw factory.

Not the plastic bags.

“Akutagawa? You’re pale again…”

“I’m okay. Just tell me.”

“So... Kyouka said that I should be straight forward. She told me that you would respect that.”

“You are not straight forward at all, Jinko.”

“Okay,” Atsushi took a deep breath and his hands stiffened around the tempeh package. “I think you’re really strong and amazing. I like you a lot. Have been for a while, even though almost everyone told me that you’re crazy. But I like your crazy side too, I admire how dedicated you are to the things that you believe in.”

“I...” Akutagawa was confused.

“Wait! Let me finish!” Atsushi stressed. “So.. would you mind if instead of normal dinner now we would go on a date? With food of course!”

Akutagawa didn’t know what to do. Atsushi had taken him by surprise. He noticed that Atsushi was cute a while back, before they even started talking. He also noticed that Atsushi might like him. It was pretty clear, especially since Atsushi’s attempts to flirt with him were on a middle school girl level.

What he did not expect was for Atsushi to do something about it.

Akutagawa had no idea what to do. He never even considered dating Atsushi.

Every passing second when Atsushi waited for the answer, his gaze was glimmering with less and less hope. He looked terrified and heartbroken when Akutagawa stared at him in shock.

Hands clutching on tempeh package turned almost white.

Suddenly, Akutagawa remembered his and Kyouka’s break up and the vow he took upon himself.

“Jinko, I promised myself not to date anyone who eats meat. Sorry.”

Atsushi’s eyes immediately shined up with desperation and newfound will.

“I know. Kyouka told me. I’m vegetarian.”

Akutagawa didn’t believe him.

“Since when?

“Since lunch.”

Akutagawa shook his head in disbelief. He wanted to yell at Atsushi, to call him on the bullshit he was saying but when he opened his mouth he couldn’t start shouting. He couldn’t just ignore everything Atsushi said for the sake of an argument.

Atsushi liked him enough to try giving up the meat for him.

“Okay. But start slow, so it will be more bearable. Just don’t eat meat in front of me. If you ever do, we’re over.”

Atsushi dropped the tempeh and jumped on Akutagawa to crush him in a very tiger-like hug.

“Thank you, Ryuu,” he beamed. “I know it was hard for you.”

“You took me by surprise, “ Akutagawa admitted.

“I’m so excited! I have to tell everyone that you’re my boyfriend now! They told me it was impossible!”

“Whatever.”

Before they managed to leave the supermarket they got two congratulatory texts. First was from Dazai and, just a minute later, another one came from Fyodor.

Akutagawa had literally no idea how did they find out.

Chapter Text

Atsushi and the rest of Little Ladybug’s employees spent almost half an hour rearranging space next to the fruit aisle so they all could sit down and have the meeting.

When Fukuzawa was the store manager all the meetings had been held in the back. It was cold and uncomfortable but at least they didn’t have to prepare the area for so long.

However, the new store manager Mori thought that it would be more pleasant to have a meeting while surrounded by fruits.

The event took place in the middle of the night since that was the only time Little Ladybug was closed. Mori demanded that all his employees were present and now all of them just wanted to go home and sleep.

Atsushi and Kyouka sat down in the back to gossip freely while Mori was talking about changes and work environment. He also explained why there were so many minors employed since he got there. It was all about the cost reduction.

“So, how was your date?” Kyouka whispered to him.

“Dates. Plural,” Atsushi corrected her. “He’s terribly awkward it’s just adorable.”

“Don’t let him hear that. He would die.”

“So for the first date we got that dinner after I confessed, we went to his favorite vegan place and I have to admit, the food was amazing. I tried to hug him on the way home but he had a small outburst of pure hate over the fact that I smell a little of cheese. Sorry. The cow enslavement,” he corrected himself.

“That’s so Ryuu. He’s like those dogs at the airport.”

“And the next day I came over and we made tempeh. It turned out terrible.”

“Ryuu once made me vegan bacon. It was weird.”

“And then his roommate Fyodor came out and together with him we watched “Aristocats”. I love that movie so bad.”

“You told me you always sing when you watch it. Did you sing?”

“...”

“Atsushi?”

“When I started to sing Akutagawa looked like he was about to get a heart attack and Fyodor fell on the floor laughing.”

“Wow.”

Atsushi just noticed that Kyouka was drawing something in her notebook. It was a man sitting on a strange object and the man looked strangely familiar...  

“What are you drawing?”

“Ryuu riding a giant carrot like a witch.”

Atsushi gave her drawing a pensive look.

“I think a parsley would be more his style.”

“You think so?”

“And that is why,” Mori said loudly, making a final point of his speech. “I am very sorry but the employee of the month will not get a 50% discount on wine. Now that we talked over your worries and claims I would like to tell you about few huge changes in the store. So pay attention.”

The room suddenly got quiet.

“As you know, over past few months we have had a lot of issues with harassment in the store. One of the most safety-threatening conflicts is no doubt because of our negligence towards the needs of vegetarians and eco-friendly customers. We need to separate them from other customers to avoid any disturbance. Nakajima-kun!”

Atsushi stood up before he could think about what his boss could want from him.

“You will not be a cheese-selling minion anymore. I would like to put you in charge of the health-food aisle since you seem to get along with customers interested in this kind of products. However, you will get this position if you manage to help the store with a certain matter. ”

The truth was, Atsushi was sick of cheese. He started to hate the smell of it and how it looked. He was almost feeling the cows’ enslavement Akutagawa always complained about, only like he was the cow and Little Ladybug was his cruel owner.

If Mori-san was offering a new job he would take it in a blink of an eye. Unless it was one associated with meat. Akutagawa would never allow that.

“Yes, sir?”

“Are you able to convince your vegan boyfriend to help us create the best product range? Of course, he would be doing it voluntarily. After all, it’s also for his sake.”

“I think he would be delighted to help sir,” Atsushi answered without hesitation.

“Wonderful. As soon as the list is ready, pass it on to me. Now, I would like to introduce a new team member who will take over Nakajima-kun’s position at cheese stand… Yes, Kunikida-kun?” Mori noticed Kunikida’s raised hand.

“Sir, there was no information about recruitment! Is this a legal employment?”

“Just as legal as any other employment here,” Mori answered with a warm smile. “And that candidate made an offer I simply could not decline. Oh, he’s here!”

They all turned to see a figure that Atsushi immediately recognized and he was not the only one. Kyouka gasped.

Chuuya threw his hat on the ground in expression of inhuman rage.

“Chuuya, it’s nice that you finally treat your hats the right way!” the newcomer praised him.

“I’m quitting!”

“Chuuya-kun, let’s not be rash about this,” Mori calmly suggested. “After all, it would be terrible to walk away from the employee of the month bonus, wouldn’t it be?”

Chuuya looked really angry. Still, he was adorable. Chuuya reminded Atsushi of a fluffy squirrel, he just never stopped being adorable.

“For people who don’t already know,” Mori continued. “This is Dazai Osamu, the said new employee. Be nice.”

Atsushi sighed. Often he thought that if Mori wasn’t so creepy he would be way more suited to be homeroom teacher in primary school than for a manager of adults.

“Now, Nakahara-kun, as a sign of good will, would you be so kind and invite Dazai-kun to both our facebook group, where for example we trade shifts, and to the ‘meme mafia’ conversation?” Mori suggested.

“‘Meme mafia’?” Kunikida was outraged.

“The conversation you left after we made a meme of you and you decided that we are not serious,” Yosano reminded him.

“That group was pure spam! It didn’t have any merit!” Kunikida argued.

Atsushi felt a strange urge to scroll through the latest messages of ‘meme mafia’. After finding a picture taken just a few minutes ago, he burst out laughing. They filtered Mori, adding pink background and an adorable violet cat on his head.

And the best part still was that Mori was a part of that conversation and allowed it.

Kunikida still argued about the purpose of meme mafia and Chuuya was still glaring so Dazai seemed to have set on a safe space next to Atsushi.

“Hello, Atsushi-kun! How is dating my awkward kouhai? I’ll give you a hint: talk about global warming in bed, it turns him on.”

“I don’t really think it would work.”

That very second Atsushi suddenly understood how strange Chuuya and Dazai’s sex life must have been. And neither did he want something like that for him and Akutagawa nor he thought that hate sex because of the plastic oceans was a good idea.

“Dazai-san,” Kyouka asked quietly. “Please don’t give Atsushi bad relationship advice.”

“Bad relationship advice?” Dazai looked scandalized. “Kyouka, your only relationship was a tragic one with a gay vegan goth while Chuuya and I were everyone’s favorite couple for years! YEARS!”

Kyouka just glared at him like he has lost his mind.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Akutagawa told me they kind of were,” Atsushi tried to join in, however, he did not like going against Kyouka.

“Traitor.”

Atsushi’s phone buzzed. He was sure that just someone took a picture of the fight in the front row and made a gif or a meme of it.

However, it turned out to be Akutagawa. He has sent him a video of a white tiger who wanted to jump to his friends but he missed a step and tripped straight into a hole. Other tigers were looking at him with pity so he just hid deeper in the hole so no one could see him.

Demonic Vegan Boyfriend

Reminds me of you.

Atsushi’s heart was throbbing in his chest. Akutagawa was thinking about him when they were not together. And he was sending him tigers. Atsushi loved tigers.

“Whoa,” Kyouka gasped looking at Atsushi’s face.

“Awww, look, Akutagawa is taking my relationship lessons seriously!”

“Because he’s making fun of Atsushi’s clumsiness in the same way you’re hating on Chuuya’s clothes?”

“Exactly! But I think he truly mastered it. Tigers are very cute. Is it working Atsushi-kun?”

“I want to become vegan for him,” Atsushi confessed.

“No. First, let’s eat crepes,” Kyouka demanded. “Ryuu can’t eat crepes. Because of eggs. Don’t let him take the crepes away from you.”

Atsushi groaned.

“If not for crepes, I would totally go vegan,” he said. “Crepes are just too good. And omelettes. I can’t just give up omelettes.”

Demonic Vegan Boyfriend

I’m making peanut slaw soba noodles with crispy tofu. Want to come over?

“Hey, guys,” Atsushi asked. “Is Akutagawa a bad or a good cook? Because tempeh was really bad but the thing he wants to make now sounds really good.”

“Ryuu used to be really bad.”

“Like awful. His food used to be disgusting,” Dazai added.

“But he’s really working hard on himself. And also, he had to cook for himself almost every day.”

“He slowly evolved. Like a Pokemon.”

“And now Gin and Fyodor are begging him to share his food but he’s being bitchy about it. He’s always talking about how they’re not worthy of the vegan food.”

“If he wants to feed you, don’t question it. Just eat.”

“O-okay.”

Later, even though it was middle of the night, Atsushi visited Akutagawa. Dazai and Kyouka were right, when Akutagawa wasn’t experimenting, his food was amazing.

Atsushi started considering becoming vegan even more seriously.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa remembered fearing that Atsushi would smell like he washed in cow’s suffering all day long since he spent so much time with cheese. It would be worse than Fyodor’s cooking.

He was so relieved when Atsushi stopped working in the dairy products section. Unfortunately, peace and happiness of life without cow’s enslavement related smells didn’t last long.

Gin destroyed everything when she asked him to buy her cheese. He had hoped that since she achieved her goal when Atsushi and he got together and she would just leave him alone.

Well, she did have another reason for avoiding Little Ladybug, that creep from duvet section who was always glaring at her and trying to ask her out. Atsushi claimed that Katai, the creep, was really in love with Gin and he was actually a good guy.

Akutagawa didn’t believe him. That stalkerish psycho even dared to call Akutagawa “oniisan” so he definitely wasn’t a good guy.

There was a high possibility that he was even worse than Tachihara.

He waited a few days, hoping that she would forget. She didn’t. She stared at him and reminded about the cheese almost every hour.

When he thought that things couldn’t get worse at his apartment, suddenly, without telling anyone in advance, Fyodor’s babushka arrived.

“She’s not a regular babushka,” Fyodor corrected. “She’s la baboulenka.”

Akutagawa didn’t understand the difference at first but it didn’t take him long to catch up.

Babushka was a carrying granma. La baboulenka was a queen.

Immediately, when she showed up, she started ordering them around. And none of them even thought about disobeying her since she had an aura of pure authority that didn’t allow them to question anything.    

Since Akutagawa and Gin’s bedroom was the cleanest one, she claimed it. After a long discussion, they decided that Akutagawa live on the couch and Gin would sleep at Tachihara’s place.

As much, as Akutagawa hated it, he had no place to go since Dazai was an asshole and Atsushi lived in dorms. Chuuya’s place was also out of question because of all the French cheese and the possibility that Dazai would want to use him as a spy.  

La baboulenka drank wine, ate good food. And cheese, God bless her poor soul, even though she was a delight, Akutagawa feared that she would go to hell.

La baboulenka was a classy madame. She didn’t eat chicken but a duck. Since they were out she ended up eating Akutagawa’s crispy baked tofu which she deemed ‘not that bad’.

Before Gin was bound to leave, they’d spent the whole day on the couch playing video games with her. She not only kicked their ass, despite not having much experience, she also openly betted with Fyodor on their virtual lives.

At some point, they ran out of wine.

Since Atsushi was working now, everyone decided that it would be best to send Akutagawa to Little Ladybug. Akutagawa himself had mixed feelings. It would be nice to see his boyfriend, especially since he stopped working in the disgusting dairy products.

However, he knew that Gin wouldn’t let it go.

“Buy me some cheese, Onii-san,” she reminded him.

“I will buy you tofu,” he tried to negotiate.

Of course it turned out to be futile since she was addicted to cow’s suffering, apparently.

“No. Cheese. A creamy one.”

“Gin…” he begged her.

“If you would allow me or Tachihara to beat up the creep from duvet aisle, I would be able to go by myself.”

“Because of him you barely can go to Little Ladybug now. If you would beat him up, they would never allow you back in, “ Fyodor stated.

“Hey, Fyodor,” Akutagawa said. “You almost never go to Little Ladybug. How do you get your food?”

“I have people who provide me,” Fyodor smiled mysteriously.

“Fyodor always is very proficient in making friends,” la baboulenka praised her grandson.

“It sounds more like sugar daddies,” Gin muttered.

“Or servants.”

“In our social circle it’s very normal to have a few very devoted friends, my dears,” la baboulenka explained. “Like Fyodor’s friend Goncharow who followed him here just to be there in case Fyodor needed him.”

“He’s the Ivan who brings you tea?” Akutagawa asked. “Can’t he bring Gin cheese?”

“He’s unavailable now. Go, meet your tiger boy and bring my baboulenka some wine. She shouldn’t have to wait, you’re disgracing our household,” Fyodor urged him.

Akutagawa sighed, took his reusable shopping bag and left the apartment. It was already dark outside. It made him feel comfortable, he liked gloomy evenings with few people around.

Little Ladybug’s lights glimmered on the horizon. Soon he saw the red logo, shining like a beacon on the top of the store.

He decided to first say hello to Atsushi before doing any shopping. He found him in his favorite aisle, the newly established health food. Atsushi was restocking tofu. Akutagawa couldn’t help himself and took a picture of it.

He sent it to his mother who still didn’t believe him that Atsushi was real.

Mother

Stop taking pictures of random people in the supermarket and pretending you know them.

Tofu-chan

Mother, this is Atsushi.

He hated that stupid name she gave him in the chat. He hated how his mother never believed him. She didn’t even respond properly to the last text, she just sent a sticker of shrugging cat.

Akutagawa marched towards unaware Atsushi, grabbed him from behind and violently took a selfie with him. To his surprise, it turned out terrible.

“Damn,” he muttered and raised his hand to take another one.

Suddenly, he had been pulled away.

“Akutagawa! We talked about it! No more sneaking up on people! I almost had a heart attack!” Atsushi yelled at him.

“It’s your fault. You are never paying attention to your surroundings. Now, take a selfie with me.”

“Is it you being awkwardly romantic?” Atsushi raised his eyebrows.

“Just do it.”

“Should I kiss you or it will be weird?” he asked hopefully.

Akutagawa blinked. Gin told him he should be nice to Atsushi. Dazai told him that he should be nice to Atsushi or Atsushi will run off.

Akutagawa really appreciated that Atsushi didn’t have any cheese in his fridge.

He pulled Atsushi in a quick kiss and simultaneously snapped a selfie. It turned out very nice. Perfect for the proof that his mother apparently needed.

“Can you send it to me?” Atsushi asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Sure.”

Akutagawa quickly clicked on the photo and send it to both his mother and his boyfriend. In that order.

Atsushi took out his phone to make sure the picture was where but suddenly, his smile disappeared.

“Hey, Akutagawa, who’s Niihara Fuku and why did you sent her a photo of us kissing?”

“What?”

“You accidentally send it to a group, not me and her separately. Oh my god. She’s texting me!”

“Sorry. That’s my mom. Be polite.”

Atsushi looked terrified.

“I’m not ready to meet your mom! Tell her that!”

It was already too late. Akutagawa’s mom already sent him a few messages and a lot of emoticons. She loved emoticons.

Mother

Mother, Atsushi is embarrassed. He will answer you at some point but not now.

She replied with a gif of a heartbroken cat under a blanket.

“Are you almost done here?” Akutagawa asked. “I have to buy cheese for Gin and some wine for Fyodor’s baboulenka.”

“I still have a little over an hour,” Atsushi sighed heavily.

“I’ll wait for you,” Akutagawa decided and Atsushi immediately beamed up. “I’ll just go get my things and come back. Because you are coming over later to play games with us, right?”

“Of course!”

“Okay. See you later, Jinko.”

Akutagawa walked away from blushing Atsushi and he just knew that it was incredibly cool.

He decided to start with the worst item on his shopping list first so later he wouldn’t have to think about it and possibly bury the said item under a mountain of vegetables and tofu so he wouldn’t have to look at it.

He grabbed a shopping cart and turned towards dairy products. He hoped to get this over quickly but when he saw who the shopping assistant was and who was he slicing the cheese for, all Akutagawa’s faith in fast shopping evaporated.

“My crush on you makes me crumble like feta, Chuuya,” Dazai confessed, taking his time as he was preparing cheese his ex-boyfriend asked for. “So I won’t be rushing with that cheese, sorry.”

“I won’t cry if you cut off your fingers!”

“So cruel! And we both know it’s not true,” Dazai winked. “So Chuuya… if you get back together with me, I can promise you more than just a gouda time,” Dazai abandoned the cheese and leaned on the counter to look into Chuuya’s eyes.

“Look! A customer! Be serious, Dazai!”

“It’s just our kouhai! He loves us!” Dazai protested.

Akutagawa sighed.

“I just want my cheese. That one,” he pointed at some swiss cheese that  Gin liked. Maybe if she didn’t get the creamy one she asked for, she would send Tachihara here next time instead of him.

Terrible. Those holes looked like cow’s souls haunted them.

“Swiss cheese! Chuuya, you know it made me think… Without you, my heart feels like swiss cheese. Full of holes.”

“Just stop it already,” Chuuya yelled angrily. “You seriously think I will get back to you because of some cheese pick up lines you found on the internet? You could at least try better!”

Suddenly, Dazai’s face got serious. Akutagawa immediately took a step back. Everyone knew that serious Dazai was a dangerous Dazai. Terrifying mastermind that could never be outsmarted, someone who would always know everything and how to win in the end. Only Chuuya didn’t fear facing that Dazai and probably that’s how their relationship was so good.

But now, Dazai seemed strangely desperate under his cool composure.

“Chuuya, I literally tried everything, every romantic gesture in could think of, every move I could think of. Your main problem was that I was an asshole teenager, well, I grew up, that I never worked but look at me now, that I always troll people and plot against them but I won’t change that since I know that deep down you enjoy it. I even started volunteering in an orphanage ‘cause you said I have no empathy so I started working on that.

“We already worked out that the main reason we broke up was nothing more than a misunderstanding, and the thing you couldn’t forgive me for was that I made that stupid mistake of running away and disappearing for a week instead of being there for you. I promised you many times not to do that ever again no matter if we’re back together or not. And you know I was serious because for the last year I always texted you back, picked up the phone or did literally everything you asked me to except for leaving you alone.

“All the other things you minded are sorted out too and I know that you found out about it. So yes, all I have left are those cheesy pick up lines, because the real stuff I did to fix us clearly didn’t work.”

Chuuya stared at him with as wide open as he ranted. When he seemed to be finished, Chuuya was clearly too shocked to speak. Dazai took a deep breath and said his final words.

“I’m really a desperate, miserable man without you, Chuuya. I know you can do way better than me but I don’t think I will ever be as comfortable with someone as I was with you. So please, come back to me.”

A heavy silence fell between all of them.

Finally, Chuuya moved. He took a few steps back to Dazai’s horror. He slowly fixed his hat and his hair, taking a few long breaths.

“Fine,” he said finally. “After you’re done here, come over, we’ll talk. And bring my cheese.”

Chuuya turned and started walking away with his cloak flapping behind him. Dazai’s expression abruptly changed, he was smiling again and beaming with joy.

Akutagawa didn’t feel so relieved since Atsushi told him he wouldn’t be working with cheese anymore. And not only because serious Dazai was gone, after years of torment finally Dazai and Chuuya were getting closer to being less annoying.

“Chuuya!” Dazai yelled after him.

“What?!”  he got shot by an angry glance in return.

“I want to grow mold with you, just like blue cheese,” Dazai confessed with a wide grin on his face.

Chuuya groaned loudly enough to scare a few customers away.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Ango regretted the day he met Dazai in a bar. Of course, it was nice having Dazai for a friend. It was nice going out for a drink once in a while, it was nice that Dazai always remembered his birthday.

But. He should have never agreed to become Dazai’s lawyer.

Yesterday, Dazai decided that cheese was ugly and decided to quit. It wasn’t surprising at all, he had kept that job for three whole months, so lately Ango was just waiting for him to leave.

However. He did not expect that Dazai would wait until after closing hours on his last day of work and get drunk with store’s most expensive liquors in less than an hour without being found by security.

Next, Dazai started streaming his wild ride in a shopping cart that destroyed half of the supermarket. He finally crushed into dairy product stand causing the glass to shatter and himself to collapse.

That was when the security caught up to him.

Fortunately, Chuuya wasn’t breaking up with Dazai, Ango had already checked on that.

Now it was time to deal with the rest of Dazai’s current problems.

“Mori-san. Let’s be honest here. You employed my client because he knew things about this place that should not be made public.”

“And I made him sign a statement proving my innocence when he started working here.”

“Well. Unfortunately for you, my client has a habit of causing trouble and just in case I had conducted a little investigation on my part. I must have you know that there are much more disturbing acts that I found out about, and I am not talking about a certain little girl but your connections to a not entirely legal group. Would you kindly look at this files?”

Mori smiled creepily like he was really appreciating Ango’s work. Ango himself, he didn’t know whether to be proud or run. Mori’s eyes were searching through the documents quickly, soon he was done with them.

“I must say, this is really impressive. Would you like to get a better job than being a lawyer for spoiled rich boys? Our organization could use someone like you. Of course, we would provide a generous salary and amazing insurance.”

“I am sorry but I need to decline. I’m satisfied with my work now, being Dazai’s lawyer is more of a friendly favor.”

“Well, I would advise picking up better friends. How about we destroy those files you have here and have Dazai pay all the cost for things he destroyed along with banishing him for Little Ladybug.”

“With all due respect,” Ango tried to keep a straight face. “His boyfriend and a lot of friends do work here. Knowing his personality, do you believe that ban would hold longer than just few days?”

“Not really. I just wanted to have the satisfaction of exiling him.”

“How about a two-week ban? I think it would be possible.”

“It is satisfactory.”

“Then I will be waiting for the cost evaluation.”

“It had been a pleasure dealing with you, Sakaguchi-san. Feel free to come back when you change your mind about my offer.”

“I certainly will.”

Ango left Mori’s office and immediately felt relief shower over him. He straightened out his suit and moved on to next item on his list. His girlfriend, Lucy, was friends with Atsushi who worked in health-food in Little Ladybug asked him to bring him cookies she baked yesterday. Actually, the bag was pretty big, it was taking most space in his suitcase. If he didn’t have a whole box waiting at home, he would be tempted to steal a few from Atsushi.

Unexpectedly, Atsushi wasn’t where Ango expected to find him. Since Little Ladybug was quite big, Ango decided to find Chuuya or anyone else and ask where Atsushi was.

It turned out that Atsushi was helping to unpack some teddy bears. It was the first time Ango ventured into this part of the store and he was simply mesmerized. All the toys, dolls, bears were beautifully arranged and he really felt like he had just entered some kid’s fantasy.

Lucy would love it. He should bring her here.

“Ango-san!” Atsushi cheered. “Are you here because of what Dazai did?”

“Yes but I already fixed it,” Ango opened his suitcase and took the bag of cookies out. “It’s from Lucy.”

“Wow, they look so good!” Atsushi smiled. “Do you know what kind of milk did she use?”

Ango raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“I thought you were vegetarian, not vegan.”

Atsushi shrugged in embarrassment.

“They looked so tasty I wanted to share them with my boyfriend...”

“They are tasty. And sorry, I just eat them. I have no idea what did she use.”

“I’ll text her later. How are you guys holding up? Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you that but she’s really worried because her VISA is expiring soon and you don’t really seem like a long-distance type of guy.”

“She said so?” Ango scowled.

“Sorry.”

Ango sighed. Lucy came to Japan to enjoy a year-long working holiday and it was true, her VISA lasted just twelve months. She was always smiling brightly in front of him and never really talked about her problems but deep down he knew that the expiration date worried her. Lately, she was practically living with him, not that he minded. It just seemed like she was trying to not waste any day that was left.

Little did she knew that Ango already came up with a solution to their problems. He just needed to make sure it was the right one and plan it perfectly.

Today, he found the missing piece that made his plan complete.

“Actually, Atsushi. I might need your help.”

The boy looked at him questioningly.

“I want to propose to Lucy here, right where we are standing. The sooner, the better. I’m not meaning to offend you but could you keep your boyfriend away? He kind of has a reputation of the destructor.”

Atsushi gasped.

“But…! If you are only proposing because of the VISA, she will hate you for that! She’s really proud, you know!”

“Atsushi. I know we are a little bit weird couple but I really love her, I want to spend my life with her. Will you help me?”

“Of course! I will try, at least… If you want, we can build a tower of teddy bears or something,” he suggested.

“That would be great. I will come over with Lucy tomorrow evening,” Ango said.

***

When Chuuya noticed Dazai sneaking around Little Ladybug he dropped everything he was doing to throw him out.

Dazai was fast. He disappeared for a while but, finally,  Chuuya caught him hiding behind the teddy bear tower Atsushi suddenly decided to build yesterday.

“Oi, aren’t you banned from Little Ladybug? Get out.”

Dazai turned, quickly grabbed Chuuya’s hand and dragged him down into his hideout.

“Chuuya-chan! Great timing! Look!”

Chuuya followed Dazai’s pointed finger just to see Akutagawa yelling at customers.

“How can you let your child play with this car?! It’s made of plastic! Your child will be dead for hundreds of years when this plastic will finally dissolve, how dare you be so selfish and poison for centuries the Earth just so your kid can play for a few hours?!”

Luckily, Atsushi was around to pull him away from outraged mother and crying kid.

“Mom! Is it true? Do my toys hurt the Earth?!” little boy cried.

“Of course not, honey, that man is just crazy,” she spat out.

“Hey!” suddenly Atsushi stopped forcing Akutagawa to walk away. “He maybe a little bit offensive but it’s all true! You should avoid buying things that can’t be recycled like this car. How about that one?”

Atsushi took another box off the shelf.

“Look here,” he showed the kid something on the box. “This symbol means that it can be recycled. It means that when you are done playing with it, you can throw it out into a special trash can and then someone will make a new car out of it so another child can play with it,” he explained with a warm smile.

The kid stopped crying, thanked Atsushi and hugged him. Mother, on the other hand, wasn’t that glad.

“Of course you chose a much more expensive one. You are just trying to scam me into paying more money.”

“Maybe you should care less about few coins and more about teaching your kid to respect the world he lives in,” Atsushi talked back.

Suddenly Dazai whispered into Chuuya’s ear:

“I am pretty sure Akutagawa is getting a hard-on right now.”

“He is not. You are such a pervert,” Chuuya cringed.

“Nah, Akutagawa actually confessed to me that nothing turns him on like Atsushi talking about ecology. It works on him almost as good as simply looking at you works on me every day.”

Chuuya unwillingly blushed and turned, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“You are a terrible person. And a liar.”

“Well, if I must be honest, most of your clothes are a bit of a  turn-off but we can easily work it out.”

Chuuya slapped away Dazai’s hand that had started caressing his thigh.

“I literally have no idea why I got back together with you… Wait, that’s not your friend Ango with his gaijin girlfriend?”

Dazai smiled.

“Yup. He’s going to propose.”

“With Akutagawa yelling there?!”

“Okay, when I’m proposing no Akutagawa around. Noted.”

“Why the hell would you be proposing?” Chuuya glared at him.

“Well, I love my sweet Chuuya, I want to spend my life torturing you, and we both know that I have to take most of the initiative in this relationship so…”

“Just shut up already I want to hear what they are saying.”

“Only if you say yes.”

“There was supposed to be no Akutagawa around,” Chuuya reminded him. “And no.”

“I’m just trying you out.”

Chuuya was unlucky enough to know how to deal with talking Dazai. He gave him a quick but loving kiss and looked into his eyes.

“Now will you be quiet for a moment?”

Chuuya had no idea how it worked, it just mattered that it worked almost always.

“Chuuya, you should take off your hat, it’s ruining our camouflage.”

Almost. But Dazai was right, probably his hat was visible above the teddy bears. He quickly took it for.

“Well, immediately you look way hotter.”

“Dazai, I will murder you.”

“Not now, honey,” Dazai shushed him. “It’s happening.”

Chuuya had no idea how Dazai managed to pay attention to his surroundings and be so involved in their talk. But he gave up on understandings things like that long ago.

They both focused on Ango and Lucy. Atsushi somehow tamed Akutagawa and the mother, now she was gone, and both men were hiding rather awkwardly behind a shelf.

Surrounded by toys and plushies, Ango in his suit would look out really out of place if not for cheerful Lucy next to him. Ango was actually smiling. Chuuya only ever so him smiling at Lucy or when he got really drunk with him, Dazai and Dazai’s another friend Odasaku. Otherwise, he’d always keep a straight face with an occasional smirk.

“Ango, I love it! I could spend all day in places like this!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Look,” Dazai whispered mockingly. “He’s sweating. He’s so terrified. It’s so funny,” he actually started giggling.

“Did you seriously come here to laugh at your friend during one of the most important moments of his life?” Chuuya couldn’t believe the men sitting next to him.

“Of course!”

Without thinking, with his mind full of rage and displease, Chuuya took a swing at Dazai aiming straight for his face. Dazai who had experienced Chuuya’s rage punches for years now easily dodged.

Chuuya’s fist hit right in the center of the bear tower.

“Lucy, I actually brought you here to ask you something very important…” Ango started right before the mountain of teddy bears collapsed on Lucy. He tried reached out to cover her in his arms but the bears were just too many.

Soon they were both lying on the floor, covered by bears. Chuuya was terrified. He had destroyed everything.

Lucy started laughing.

“Look, now you have to buy me one, you don’t have a choice,” she told Ango. “I will bring it back home to America with me.”

“No, you won’t,” Ango mumbled because his face was covered by plushies.

Suddenly heavy silence fell on them. No one dared to move. Chuuya and Dazai were not budging, they only heard a quiet gasp from Akutagawa and Atsushi’s side.

Lucy’s arms clenched around the teddy bear that fell on her.

“I want to have that teddy, Ango” Lucy said quietly. “I don’t have that many things that remind me of you, I want it.”

Ango took the bears off his face and sat up. In passing, he gave Dazai and Chuuya a cold glare but then all his attention focused only on Lucy.

“I never said, I won’t buy it for you. It’s just not leaving this country and neither are you.”

Lucy blinked.

“Ango. What did you do? I told you not to mess up my paperwork just because you think you’re a good enough lawyer to do that…”

“Will you marry me?” Ango blurted out. “I knew for a while that one day I will marry you, would you mind if we did it a little bit sooner? I can’t let you go, without you I’m only a boring lawyer getting drunk with that asshole there,” he pointed at Dazai.

“But…” Lucy dropped her gaze. “You really want me to be your wife? I don’t seem like a person you would end up with.”

The scowl on Ango’s face was clearly showing that he is sick of people making assumptions about who he is and what he wants from life.

“After I met you, Lucy, I don’t think I would ever be happy with anyone else.”

“You make that cold bastard smile, Lucy,” Dazai joined in. “That’s really something. So please, make my friend happy and marry him?”

Chuuya wanted to punch Dazai again for interrupting. And he thought Ango would also appreciate it.

“And you are not proposing just because my VISA is expiring?” Lucy made sure.

“If it wasn’t I would still propose in a couple of months,” Ango said fixing his glasses. “So? What is your answer?”

Lucy smiled sweetly, like a very happy little girl.

“Yes. And you are still buying me this bear.”

“Wait, I have something to go with it…”

Ango opened his ever-present briefcase that today too was full of Lucy’s cookies. Under the layer of cookies he found a ring box. He put the briefcase away and properly got on his knee reaching the ring in Lucy’s direction. He opened his mouth like he wanted to repeat his speech but she cut in.

“Just put it on, you idiot!”

Ango did as she said and Atsushi came out of his hideout, cheering and clapping loudly. Akutagawa was giving him meaningful looks.

“Hey, Chuuya,” Dazai suddenly embraced him. “Let’s get married before Akutagawa and Atsushi do.”

“No way. Also, gay marriage is not legal in Japan.”

“We could work it out. How do you feel about a wedding in France?”

Chuuya froze. Suddenly it all seemed strangely real, not another word game with Dazai.

“I am not saying yes but if we ever do get married… It’s a nice idea.”

“I knew you would like it.”

Chapter Text

Akutagawa’s week in hell – Part 1

Day 1

It all started innocently. Fyodor was feeling homesick lately. He played them Russian lullabies on his cello before going to to sleep, he took out the carpet he got from his mom and kept usually in the closet but now he felt an urge to decorate his room's wall with it so it would feel more like in his motherland. From time to time he would caress it gently with love as he pondered about his baboulenka’s kompot. He was sighing so loudly, Akutagawa couldn’t sleep at night.

When Fyodor’s Russian friends found out about it, they couldn’t let it be.

Next day, Ivan dropped by and made Fyodor a whole pot of fruity kompot, neverminding the crazy price of fruits in Japan.

Gogol didn’t want to lose to Ivan. To win, he needed to make something better.

He put his masterplan in motion yesterday. He came over and started making kvass. As Akutagawa found out, surprisingly, kvass wasn’t made of meat like most of Russian’s traditional cuisine. It was a drink made of bread. Making it took a lot of time. And it stunk. Gogol first fried bread and boiled a huge pot of water.

It was then that Akutagawa noticed that Gogol’s cooking style was quite destructive and could turn out dangerous. But since there wasn’t meat involved, he hesitated. He wanted to try out non-alcoholic vegetarian Russian drink that wasn’t kompot. Fortunately, Gogol turned off the heat soon enough and no one died.

 Then, he soaked bread and raisins in hot water and told them that they had to be patient with kvass. He had to wait eight hours to proceed properly with kvass so he ended up watching old Russian comedies with Fyodor.

Day 2

Gogol spent the night on their couch, waiting for kvass to be ready. They could hear him getting up in the middle of the night to work on it. Around noon, finally, kvass was ready. Fyodor tried the kvass out and smiled. Gogol jumped with joy and promised to make a Russian soup for dinner. Akutagawa and Gin drank a glass of kvass too. It was weird but better than they expected.

Solyanka wasn’t as pleasant.

Fyodor suggested that Akutagawa should stay in his room for his own safety. That’s how he knew that meat was involved. But it turned out to be no secret. Soon, the whole apartment stunk of intestines and death.

“Gin,” Akutagawa whispered lying on his bed, petrified by the smell. “I’m dying.”

“You’re not, nii-san. But maybe go somewhere? I have a feeling it’s just the beginning.”

“No. If I’m not here, you’ll ask your man-trash to come over.”

“He has classes now. Actually, I’m already meeting him later.”

Akutagawa scoffed.

“And what pathetic date could that trash have planned?”

“He’ll be teaching me self-defense,” Gin told him without looking up from her phone.

“Oh. That’s actually good. Finally, you are going to get something from this relationship. Hopefully. I still think you will kick his ass, even without training.”

Gin sighed.

“He’s been in Police Academy more than a year. He knows how to fight.”

“He’s lame.”

“He could beat you up, onii-san.”

“I highly doubt it.”

“Do you want to prove me wrong? I can set a match with Tachihara.”

“You can but I’m not touching that trash. Chuuya will fight in my stead.”

Gin finally raised her eyes from her phone. For a minute she watched her brother in judgmental silence and then went back to reading.

The smell was getting worse. Akutagawa closed his eyes trying to think of a solution other than killing Gogol or throwing him out. Atsushi was in still in class. Kyouka was selling meat. He had no idea where to go. Or how long Gogol was going to take.

“I’m going to ask Gogol how long will it take,” Akutagawa informed his sister.

“That’s a good idea. I’m hungry.”

Akutagawa sent her a deadly glare.

“I love you and it pains me immensely that you chose to kill innocents just so you can eat them. Are they really worth it? Are those few bites worth a whole life of a being?”

Gin ignored him. He stood there, casting a shadow over her for some time but she pretended not to see him so he decided to just leave. When the air hit him he started coughing immediately. It was the scent of death without mistaking. One of the worst he’s ever smelled. He rushed to the kitchen hoping it would be over quickly.

“Oi, Gogol. When...” he stopped and just stood there. He could not believe what happened to his kitchen.

What he saw there was beyond disgusting. He couldn’t really understand why people ate meat but this... this was just barbaric and primitive. He felt nauseous.

“Is this what solyanka is really made of?” he asked weakly.

“Of course it is! Russian men need a lot of good meat to have the energy to be awesome,” Gogol explained.

“This is not normal meat. It’s a part of a corpse. It’s disgusting. Just how... I think Budda ensured a separate hell for your nation for it,” Akutagawa said shaking with horror.

“It’s just meat, man, it won’t kill anyone.”

Gogol tossed him a piece of beef kidney. It hit Akutagawa straight in the face.

Akutagawa felt like he was going to faint. He lost his balance but, fortunately, Gogol rushed to catch him. Akutagawa didn’t exactly notice who did it but one of them knocked over the huge jug of kompot that Ivan prepared earlier.

 Not only it was wasted. Not only some of it fell into solyanka.

Spilled kompot reached the microwave where Gogol was reheating his blini or whatever creepy Russian pancake-like dish was called. Microwave twinkled in a very ominous way and then, suddenly, a small flame appeared.

In a matter of seconds it exploded and kitchen was on fire.

***

Fortunately, two brave slave men in the apartment meant that fire was easily defeated. Still, the kitchen was ruined. Landlady yelled at them and made sure that they understood none of them would be getting their deposit back.

Because the kitchen needed to be renovated after what happened, they had to leave the apartment for a week. His roommates had it easy. Gogol immediately said he’s taking Fyodor in and giving him his own bed, Gin didn’t even bother telling them before she left with Tachihara who looked overjoyed. Akutagawa didn’t like to think about what that asshole did with his sister that made him this happy.

Atsushi was claiming that he will sneak Akutagawa in his dorm without any problems. Akutagawa slowly packed his bag, prolonging the moment he had to leave. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Atsushi. It was just the way Atsushi complained about his dorms. It made Akutagawa not want to be there. Ever.

An hour and a half later he had arrived. Mainly because the landlady appeared again and was talking his ear off about the damage. Otherwise, he would stay and hide in his bedroom hoping the renovation crew wouldn’t notice him.

The dorm Atsushi lived in was in a big, old building that looked like it was about to collapse. Sneaking Akutagawa inside was easy. He just confidently walked in alongside with Atsushi.

 Atsushi had three roommates. Even though they lived in the same room for a year now, they didn’t really know each other.

They said hello to Akutagawa, accepted the fact that his kitchen had been blown up by a Russian immigrant without even blinking and  they had no comments on the fact that he will sleep in Atsushi’s bed. They just nodded without showing any particular feelings towards the idea.

 In was terrible. Akutagawa knew that his own room was small especially since he was sharing it with Gin. But dorms were on a whole different level. Atsushi had only a single shelf in their shared closet. And a small part of the window sill.

Atsushi left to shower, two roommates disappeared and Akutagawa was left alone with the most creepy one. That guy had this violent, crazy look in his eyes. Akutagawa tried to lie down and pretend he was sleeping but the guy, Kandata as he introduced himself earlier, didn’t let himself be fooled.

He took out a sandwich that smelled strongly of bacon and started to eat it, glaring at Akutagawa. He looked like he was doing it on purpose, just to annoy Akutagawa.

The sandwich stunk badly. And Kandata was taking his time with it.

“I’m vegan,”

“I know. You said that along with ‘hello’ when you came here.”

“So must you make me watch you eat a dead animal?”

If Akutagawa wasn’t dead tired, he would make him regret ever touching meat.

“So, you and Atsushi are fuck buddies, right? Is it weird? Because, you know, he has a lot of weird toys,” Kandata changed the subject, with a somewhat malicious smirk.

Akutagawa had literally no idea what the hell that asshole was talking about but he was talking to him about what he and Atsushi were doing in private. He chose not to believe in a word that treacherous creature said. Even though he was a little bit curious what he meant by toys.

“It’s none of your business. Your sandwich is disgusting.”

“Well, you know. Dead meat is tasty. Meat is the best.”

Akutagawa was done. He wasn’t in a mood put up with assholes like that. He rose from the bed and scanned Kandata’s part of the room searching for something that would hold a value to his owner. He noticed a spider in the cage on his window sill. That would do.

Without overthinking it he opened the window, grabbed the cage and held it out in the air. He looked down. It was a long way down from the fourth floor where Atsushi was living.

“Toss the sandwich out or I’m dropping your spider.”

“You wouldn’t do that!”

Of course, he wouldn’t. All he needed to do was make Kandata believe he would.

Akutagawa shot him a deadly glare. That second Kandata knew that he was dealing with a man ready to do unspeakable things for what he believed in. The vicious smile disappeared from his face for a second and then turned into a grimace of cruel joy.

He took a last bite of the sandwich and tossed it out.

“I like you. You can fuck Atsushi all you want. Don’t mind me.”

Akutagawa gave him the cage back. Kendata carefully put it back in its original spot.

“Would you kill someone who eats only meat?” Kendata asked another weird question.

“Who knows,” Akutagawa shrugged since he knew that in front of this man saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would be dangerous. “Now I’m going to sleep.”

“Oh, that’s  a pity. I wanted to ask you so much about Atsushi’s toys. Is he a furry? I feel a lot of potential there.”

Fortunately, Atsushi returned to the room, saving Akutagawa from Kendata’s questions.

“Hi guys,” he said. “ Are you okay?”

“I like your friend.”

“I made him kill his sandwich,” Akutagawa confessed. “It was satisfying. But I don’t think he learned anything from that experience. Let’s sleep, I’m tired.”

“Don’t you want Atsushi to show you his toys? You can pretend that I’m not here!” Kandata argued.

Suddenly, Atsushi blushed. It made Akutagawa anxious. He really wanted to find out what was going on. But on the other hand, he wanted to sleep more.

“I’m not doing anything a meat-eater trash like you is saying and Atsushi isn’t either. So fuck you, we’re going to sleep.”

He grabbed Atsushi by hand, led him to the bed, hid safely under covers and held Atsushi closely to his chest.

Kandata didn’t stop talking. Akutagawa was pretty sure that he was doing it solely to annoy them since they weren’t responding in any way. Apparently, it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, Atsushi easily closed his eyes and fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

Akutagawa couldn’t. After a long rant about Budda and Hell, Kandata didn’t shut up. He started singing.

A strange feeling had overflown Akutagawa this instant. He suddenly understood how wonderful his roommates were and how lucky he was. He reached out for his phone and wrote a short message to Fyodor.

“Sorry that I called you creepy so many times. I love you. I am grateful that you try not to play cello at night and that you always remind me to bring an umbrella when it’s going to rain. I’m so happy you are my roommate.”

He rephrased it a few times but, finally, he did hit send.

Fyodor was indeed delightful when compared to  Kandata.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa’s week in hell – Part 2

Day 3

Akutagawa woke up feeling pain in his back. This bed was worse than any couch he has ever slept on. And it wasn’t only because he was sharing that tiny space with another person.

The dorm was empty but Atsushi wasn’t around either, Akutagawa guessed he went to class.

He wished he had class today so he could escape dorms but he didn’t. He tried to fill his day up. He took a shower. He tried studying but a party somewhere in the building was disturbing.

He also gave in to his curiosity and looked for the ‘toys’ Atsushi had hidden from him. There wasn’t much space where Atsushi could hide them so he just looked under the bed. He was met with a pair of plastic eyes that were so realistic they made him jump up. When he looked up close, it turned out to be an enormous white tiger teddy. He also found a ton of small plushies stuck in the suitcase under the bed. Akutagawa smiled. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him at all.

He took out all the plushies and placed them back on the bed where they belonged. He leaned his painful back against the tiger which made it a little more bearable.  

He tried to study some more. Without so much pain in his back, he managed to do a few chapters. The thought that one day he would become an environmental lawyer haunting all the sinners always motivated him too.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Akutagawa’s heart stopped. He hated people in this dorm. He didn’t want to even talk to them.

“Oi, Atsushi, you in?”

Akutagawa let out a sigh of relief. He recognized this voice. Still, he didn’t expect to hear it here.

“He’s not here, Chuuya-senpai.”

Chuuya opened the door. He looked at Akutagawa in blank surprise. Akutagawa was surprised to see Chuuya too but life taught him that strange events happen.

Still, neither of them knew what the other was doing there.

“You came to visit him? I have chia pudding, but just one extra, because I thought it would be just Atsushi...”

Before Chuuya could decide what to do Akutagawa stole the chia pudding from his hand. He quickly read the label. It was dairy-free, coconut milk based snack. Of course, Chuuya knew that Atsushi recently admitted that he hated cheese and became vegan. Chuuya would never poison Atsushi, Akutagawa was sure of that. But it was better to be safe than sorry.

“You’re dating Dazai and you don’t know?” Akutagawa glared at him.

“I had a test this morning so I blocked Dazai for the last few days so I could study,” Chuuya explained like his relationship was normal.

“And then you came over to dorms to give Atsushi chia pudding? That’s really nice of you.”

Akutagawa found spoons on the window sill, he passed one to Chuuya and dug into his snack.

“I live here too, don’t you know? Two floors up.”

Akutagawa stopped in the middle of a bite. He blinked and looked up at Chuuya questioningly. He had suspected the answer since he knew Chuuya for years now, And it was a very admirable one.

“But I never heard you complain about living in dorms before.”

“I’m not really a type to complain about my living conditions, they are what they are. Dazai, on the other hand, that I can complain about. And why are you here without Atsushi?”

“My microwave exploded. I need a place to stay for a week. But I don’t think I will survive here.”

Chuuya gasped.

“What happened to your microwave?”

“Kompot. Blini. Fucking solyanka.”

“Fyodor was cooking? I thought he only baked”

“Gogol was cooking for Fyodor and I came in. A beef kidney touched my face, senpai. I thought I was going to die.”

“Oh, no... These dorms are terrible, especially Atsushi’s room. If you want, you can sleep on Dazai’s couch, I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“I don’t think...”

“Come on. Pack your things. And text Atsushi. I have the keys to Dazai’s place so don’t worry. You are too fragile to stay in such a nasty place like dorms.”

Akutagawa knew he wasn’t as physically strong as Chuuya but he could survive. He was not weak.

“I’m not fragile,” he scoffed.

“Do you want to stay here or go to Dazai’s?”Chuuya asked directly.

“Definitely Dazai’s,” Akutagawa decided.

“Good.”

***

An hour later Chuuya entered Dazai’s place like it was his own. Dazai was not there, so Akutagawa felt a little bit uneasy. Over the years Dazai lost most of his respect but still, there was some left.

That’s why Akutagawa took off his shoes and neatly put them away along with his jacket. Chuuya was clearly impressed and even gave him slippers when he saw that.

Akutagawa noticed a lot of strange items around the apartment but wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask about them. All of them looked like from the worst Valentine’s Day sale. Heart-shaped board on the fridge, Chuuya and Dazai’s picture in a sketchy frame in the living room. A pink lava lamp with glitter and ‘I love you’ going up and down. A clock that every full hour announced that the couple living in this apartment is now an hour closer to their long, happy married life together.

That was not all but the clock startled Akutagawa so badly, he jumped up and stopped looking around. He didn’t like when dead things took him by surprise like that.

“Chuuya, what the hell have you two done to find those creepy things?!”

“Oh,” Chuuya looked around the room like he had forgotten how creepy the items must be for newcomers. “Recently Dazai realized we missed Valentine’s Day when we were broken up. We decided to make up for it and bet who would buy the worst and the best gifts.”

“Who won and with what?”

“Well, at first it a draw a few times hence the items you can see here. Then I won the worst gift!” Chuuya said proudly. “I gave him a trip to the onsen. But not only with me, with my dad and his boyfriend.”

Akutagawa sighed. Since the breakup, Mr. Rimbaud, the guy who adopted Chuuya when the boy was a rebellious teenager, hated Dazai and ever since they got back together he liked to remind his son’s boyfriend that he was selling weapons for a living. Akutagawa thought that Chuuya sincerely wanted to bring them closer together by winning this bet. After all, back when they were in high school, Rimbaud actually used to like Dazai.

But this invitation was just too cruel since Dazai loved onsen and ogling almost naked people (Chuuya) in the onsen even more.

“Did you go already?”

“Not yet but we will when they will be in the country.”

“ What did Dazai get you to lose with this one?”

“He showed me his creepy box. You know, strange things he kept from our dates, my old hat he claimed to hate, a sparkly photo album with stalkerish pictures of me or us. We both decided that it was just too weird to acknowledge it so I won.”

 “Who won the best gift?”

Chuuya sighed.

“Don’t judge us.”

He led him to the bedroom. He picked up a diary they kept on the bedside cabinet. He opened it up on an empty page so Akutagawa could see the spaces to fill out.

“This is a diary we fill out together almost every day. We write down stuff we did together and rate the dates as well as point out what was wrong and why.”

Akutagawa started to feel hesitant about staying with Chuuya and Dazai. They seemed to be insane.

“This is the worst idea for a couple ever. It’s like writing down things about how you two hate each other. Why the hell would you do something like that?”

“Shut up,” Chuuya loudly closed the diary. “It’s very good motivation since we write good things too.”

“I dare you to read me a single page of that diary aloud and prove me wrong.”

To his surprise, Chuuya blushed with crimson red and pulled the diary closer to his chest. Akutagawa sighed at the sight. His senpai was so pathetic at times.

“I’m not showing you this. It’s private,” Chuuya mumbled trying not to seem too embarrassed.

It didn’t work at all. But certainly, it made Akutagawa not want to read any sentence from this diary.

“Let’s just pretend none of this happened and make some vegetarian meal,” Akutagawa proposed.

Relieved Chuuya quickly put the diary back where it belonged.

 They made French onion soup for lunch and then ended up reading on the couch.

The good thing about Dazai’s place was that there were always books. Dazai didn’t like to show it to others but deep down he was a literature nerd and under all that rebel ignorant attitude he held deep affection towards things like Czechov’s works.

It was nice and quiet. Akutagawa didn’t remember when his surroundings were this quiet and tranquil. Having two roommates and a boyfriend who was almost constantly over wasn’t terrible but after the hell in the dorms, he understood that he truly needed some peace and quiet.

They read for more than two hours when finally, the owner of the flat showed up. Dazai stopped for a moment when he saw Akutagawa and then just smirked. He put his cello down. He didn’t even take off his shoes but rushed to collapse on the couch with his head laid down on Chuuya’s thighs. Immediately, Chuuya’s hand was in his hair, caressingly it slowly. He let out a long relieved sigh. Chuuya didn’t even raise his eyes up from the book.

Dazai patiently waited until Chuuya finished the chapter. Akutagawa tried to concentrate but he couldn’t stop glancing at them from time to time. They were too weird. How could they be literally the worst and the best couple he knew?

   When Chuuya finally finished the chapter, he closed his book, he looked down on Dazai. Before he could say anything his boyfriend smiled broadly and stated:

“You owe me, Chuuya, “ he said, his finger pointing at Akutagawa.

“Shouldn’t you say you missed me or something? Or a ‘hello’, I don’t know.”

“First, we need to take our relationship seriously, my sweet Chuuya. Then we can talk about feelings. But do not fret, of course, I missed you!” Dazai grinned.

Chuuya rolled his eyes. He reached out to the coffee table and found a small post-it notes block and a pen made of plastic. Why couldn’t they just use pencils, they never thought about the environment.

“What do you want?” Chuuya asked.

“A week of you cooking dinner for me but if kouhai throws out my meat or cheese, then two,” Dazai demanded and Chuuya obediently wrote it down. He checked few things on the post-it and then gave it to satisfied Dazai who used this occasion to steal a quick kiss from Chuuya’s lips.

His smile disappeared immediately when Chuuya handed him the post-its with the pen.

“Your turn?”

“Seriously?”

“Shoes, Dazai.”

“They are not that dirty,” he pointed out.

“Still those are shoes you wear outside.”

Dazai sighed.

“Fine. I owe you floor swiping.”

“I’m saving for the coupon,” Chuuya reminded him.

“That is worth 1/10 of the coupon so you have 7/10 of a coupon now,” Dazai wrote it down.  “And those were clean, so I’m not swiping anything.”

“Good.”

Dazai filled out and gave post-it to Chuuya along with a longer kiss. Akutagawa was staring at them in confusion.

“Do I even want to know what the hell are you two doing?” he finally asked.

“Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai sat up and looked serious for a change. “We discovered a key to our peaceful cohabitation. Me and Chuuya are forever now and I have every right to torture him with my existence as long as we have these!”

He threw Akutagawa the block to show it off.

Akutagawa sighed. It looked like something a couple like Dazai and Chuuya would need. Every single post-it had a huge bubble which you could fill up and “I OWE YOU” written above it. On the bottom of the page, there was a checklist.

‘I’ll make it up to you’, ‘sorry’, ‘please, let’s forget about it’, ‘...but you owe me too!’, ‘...but I don’t really care’.

Those post-its really did look like something Dazai and Chuuya would need to function properly. Akutagawa could bet that they had a set like this in every room in the house. And probably a whole box somewhere.

Slowly, Akutagawa was starting to realize that the strange things Chuuya and Dazai gathered around the apartment wasn’t a sign of their lack of sanity or the fact, that they were not good together without assistance.

It was proof that Dazai and Chuuya really cared and tried to do something about their relationship so it wouldn’t crumble like the last time.

It was rather touching. He decided to accept their weird ways and even find out more about them.

“And the coupons?” he asked.

“Coupons are for bigger things,” Dazai explained. “Chuuya really likes having them.”

“I have a coupon saying that Dazai has to buy me a motorcycle,” Chuuya shared. “But it’s worth 50 normal coupons and is valid only on my birthday, Christmas or when my dad is around.”

“I still cannot believe Rimbaud doesn’t like me. We were almost friends!” Dazai complained.

“What are normal coupons about?’ Akutagawa didn’t give up.

“You know, normal stuff. Dates, control, window washing, massages, Chuuya going to my concerts, giving up intel, you know. Basics.”

Akutagawa gave up on understanding what the hell was going on in this relationship. What mattered was that it worked. But he would never ever wished something like that for himself and Atsushi.

“So, I can stay here?” he asked Dazai since, after all, it was his flat.

“Yeah, about that...” to his surprise Dazai looked bemused. “You can stay here today, no problem. But tomorrow, my jerk of a brother is paying a visit. He’s already against me and Chuuya since Chuuya is not a lady from a good, wealthy family, I can’t have him suspecting I’m cheating on Chuuya or something, he would too easily use it against me. Sorry.”

“Oh, no,” Chuuya groaned. “It’s tomorrow. Damn. Sorry, Akutagawa. Dazai will invite you back as soon as that asshole leaves, right?”

Under Chuuya’s pressure, Dazai nodded.

“Probably he’ll stay over. And I don’t know when he’s planning to go away. But I know a place where you can go, trust me.”

Akutagawa had a really bad feeling about it.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa’s week in hell – Part 3

Day 4

After a peaceful night at Dazai and Chuuya’s place, Akutagawa was deeply displeased when he remembered he did have classes in the morning and he had to leave early. Chuuya made an attempt on making tofu scramble for breakfast which turned out to be disgusting but Akutagawa appreciated the effort.

Dazai, on the other hand, ended up using a coupon saying ‘I love you but this dish is shit and I really don’t want to eat it’. He made himself a cup ramen and, even though Chuuya glared, he didn’t comment on that since the coupon forbade him from judging whatever dish Dazai chose instead of the tofu scramble.

As disgusting as it was, it still was a good, nutritious breakfast so Akutagawa did not complain.

Just before he left for class, Dazai told him that he did indeed find him a place to stay. One of his close friends had a spare bedroom and was a nice person.

Akutagawa just hoped it wasn’t Kunikida. He fucking hated Kunikida. That man packed every item twice in plastic bags at Little Ladybug. But then again, he didn’t know if the strange relationship between Dazai and Kunikida could have been called friendship, let alone a close one.

After the lectures, he was supposed to meet the said Dazai’s close friend next to the campus entrance.

He sat on the bench and texted Atsushi while waiting. Apparently, Kandata was very disappointed that he had left and was threatening to hurt Atsushi’s plushies if he didn’t come back. Fortunately, Atsushi had his own ways of protecting his possessions form creepy roommates. For example, he’d already moved all the plushies to Chuuya’s room so they would be safe.

Akutagawa got so involved in the matter that he never noticed a man approaching him.

“Hi, Akutagawa-kun!” a joyful, caring voice greeted him.

Akutagawa looked up from his phone. In front of him was standing a strange man he has actually seen before. It was Odasaku. One of Dazai’s drinking buddies. He had met him quite a lot of times in passing especially with Dazai or during parties. He seemed okay and even stroke him as strangely too normal to be Dazai’s friend. Which meant he was hiding something. Or it was a trap. Either way, he should not be trusted, no matter how nice he could be.

“Oda-san. Hi. I don’t think we ever talked when sober since we mostly meet at parties.”

“Well. That’s all Dazai’s fault.”

“Without any doubt.”

Akutagawa blinked. That was so fucking awkward. And that man was smiling. It was a kind of nice welcoming smile. It made Akutagawa want to run away since he wasn’t used to smiles like that.

Atsushi would sometimes smile like that. But then again Atsushi was special, he rarely made Akutagawa uncomfortable. He didn’t really mind when Atsushi smiled like that.

“So, Dazai told me you need a place to crash for a few days. We have a guest room, you can use it if you want,” Odasaku offered.

Akutagawa held his breath in. He tried not to get nervous or paranoiac.  It failed. He knew that he should be grateful but his distrust was stronger than any positive feelings he was able to have.

“We?” he repeated.

“My husband and I,” Odasaku explained.

Akutagawa desperately tried to remember anything about Odasaku’s boyfriend or husband. The only thing that came to his mind was Chuuya’s horror when it turned out that Oda and mysterious ‘him’ would come over to drink with Dazai around a month ago.

He clearly remembered threatening Dazai that he would leave.

Akutagawa decided that it would be worth being a little rude and finding out what the problem was in advance, while he was still near the dorms.

“I am sorry to be direct about it but why is that Chuuya doesn’t like your husband?”

“You’re Dazai’s kouhai so I guess it’s only natural for you to be this distrustful,” Odasaku nodded with understanding. “I’m married to Chuuya’s French literature professor. That’s why Chuuya tends to run away.”

Akutagawa suspected it was Dazai’s fault. Still, it made him feel comfortable. Since that man was a teacher he most probably wasn’t dangerous or careless. Akutagawa finally thanked Odasaku for letting him stay and picked up his bags.

Odasaku’s place was not like spaces that Akutagawa was used to. It was a little bit further from university but not much, just a few bus stops more than Akutagawa would usually take. Somehow, even though it was that close, they ended up in the expensive district full of villas and mansions. The stopped in front of a huge house with a wild baroque styled garden. Even though spring was just beginning, it already looked well-taken care of and some of the flowers were blooming.

The inside of the house made Akutagawa gasp. It was rather extravagant. And seemed extremely expensive. European-style, full of antique furniture, with sculptures and books in foreign languages. Akutagawa who was more used to minimalistic décor felt really overwhelmed.

Odasaku showed him to the guest bedroom which was twice the size of the room Akutagawa shared with his sister and then left to find his husband. Akutagawa unpacked some of his things tried out if the bed was truly as soft as it looked like and still couldn’t find the catch.

Things were going too well. Things rarely went this well for him.

He scrolled through the last messages he had received. Gin and The Trash went skateboarding. Fyodor sent a cool photo of Gogol talking with a duck in the park where they went earlier with Ivan and Pushkin.

Akutagawa took picture of his new room and waited for jealous screams.

In the meantime, Odasaku came back.

‘My husband is writing which means he won’t come out until the dinner. I wanted to work a little bit in the garden and then get to the food, want to help me out?”

“Sure.”

Akutagawa guessed it was polite to help him out since Odasaku had taken him in. Also, the garden didn’t seem like a bad place even though Akutagawa wasn’t an enthusiast of getting dirty.

They tended to Odasaku’s flowers and bushes and later they made a huge Japanese vegetarian curry. He also made sure Akutagawa wasn’t cold and lent him a sweater. He was acting so much like a carrying mother. Akutagawa wasn’t used to such an approach, therefore, felt a little awkward even though he greatly appreciated it.

Odasaku talked a lot. He was the type of person you could throw a topic at and just leave them be. Akutagawa was appreciating it a lot since he wasn’t in a mood to put much effort into human contact. The house really overwhelmed him.

When the food was almost ready, a tall, European man in his thirties appeared. He almost didn’t notice Akutagawa he went straight for Odasaku and the food.

Akutagawa wasn’t expecting much from Odasaku’s husband. Oda himself described him as ‘shallow, narcissistic, obnoxious egoist who likes to mock people but has a great appreciation towards fine arts’. After such an introduction Akutagawa was just happy with not being thrown out.

“Is it another weird Japanese dish based on curry?” André Gide asked hip leaning on the kitchen sill, arms crossed, cold glare focused on Odasaku.

“It is and if you don’t like it, stuff yourself with bread and cheese.”

“Feisty as always, that’s why I like you,” Gide smirked. “I’ll save up my projects and join you guys with a bottle of wine or two from the cellar. Any preference?”

“Nothing too strong, I have to put up with you later,” Odasaku smirked.

“Are you sure? After all, you like putting up with me,” Gide sounded very confident of himself.

“Don’t test me, old man,” Odasaku threatened him with the spatula.

“We’ll see about that, mon cher.”

He ruffled Odasaku’s hair and left humming a joyful melody. Akutagawa nodded with understanding. Odasaku’s previous description seemed to be matching the real person. He was a little odd but seemed to be harmless. Although Akutagawa would never forget that he didn’t even greet him.

“Sorry for André. He just is this way,” Odasaku looked guilty.

“He doesn’t seem so bad compared to Dazai. What are the projects he’s working on?” Akutagawa asked.

“Oh, he writes. A lot. That’s his main occupation. Feel free to ask him about it during dinner, he likes to brag about it.”

“Wait. He actually makes a lot of money on writing? I didn’t think it was possible,” Akutagawa said doubtfully.

“Me neither before I met him. But look at this house.”

“I thought his or your family was loaded or something.”

“Nope. Well, his is, but he’s making a lot of money on his own too. He actually teaches just to make fun of his students and because he generally likes to be in a place where he can stare at pretty young faces with no consequence.”

“... Are you serious?”

“Unfortunately. Chuuya is kind of an easy prey for both his mind games and ogling but don’t let him or Dazai know that,” Odasaku shared.

“And you are chill about it?”

“Odasaku is pure chill until something really hits his nerve,” suddenly André reappeared wielding two red wine bottles. “And fortunately, before I even seriously hit on him, I got a list from Dazai so I’m mostly safe. You drink, yes?”

“As long as it’s vegan.”

“Do I look like a person who would go out of his way just to add milk to your drink?”

Akutagawa looked up to pine him down with his cold glare.

“Yes,” he said without a shadow of a doubt.

 “I wouldn’t,” Gide smirked. “At least not in front of my darling husband.”

“Stop using me as a moral standard,” Odasaku sighed. “Or an excuse. I don’t even know anymore.”

“Whatever you are, for me, you are perfect, Odasaku,” Gide stated, pouring three glasses of wine and not even looking at his husband.

“Did write another romance story? Whenever you do, you really are obnoxious.”

“This time it’s an anticlerical novel about a handsome though crazy youth with masochistic tendencies,” André shared.

“Is he marrying his cousin?”

Akutagawa blinked. That question was weird. André looked equally scandalized, although for apparently for different reasons.

“Odasaku, Odasaku... Do you really think I would do it again?”

“Half of your novels is about incest, what do you want me to think?” Odasaku rolled his eyes.

“Fucking cousins is not incest!” Gide insisted.

“It is,” Odasaku stated coldly.

“No!”

“Maybe for you. Who does the main character fall for this time?”

André Gide avoided his glare hiding behind his wine glass. He drank almost half of it at once.

“They are not cousins in this novel,” he stated with determination sounding strongly in his voice.

“You really need to stop working out your own issues in novels. How they are related?”

André chose to stay quiet and drink a little more wine. Akutagawa could see rage sparkle in Odasaku’s eyes.

“Tell me. I have food and I will not hesitate to cut you off until you say it.”

“...”

“You know I will find out sooner or later. And it’s better that I hear it from you, not from your editor.”

“...He’s her uncle but she doesn’t know that,” Gide looked away.

  Odasaku’s spatula hit him on the cheek at incredible speed however, it looked like Gide had noticed it on time to dodge. He even made a move to avoid it but gave up halfway, probably thinking that maybe he actually did deserve it.

“So now,” Odasaku asked as Gide was massaging the painful spot. “Do I need to know anything about your aunts or uncles?”

“It’s just me projecting my cousin issues. And maybe aunt Lucilla. You know I was scared of her perverted ways when I was younger.”

“God. You are so screwed up.”

“Says the guy who actually found me amusing enough to marry. Are you really alright, Sakunosuke?” André Gide smiled maliciously.

Akutagawa drank a little bit of his wine. This conversation was good. Probably worth staying for even if they did get louder.

“So, what exactly did happen with your cousin?” he asked trying to sound casual.

“He was dating his cousin Alissa and they would get engaged if not for his other cousin Juliette who was so in love with him she started to starve herself. Fortunately, she found a rebound guy who knocked her up. Now, she’s more concerned about baby food than André and I kind of envy that.”

“Seriously, Odasaku, if you keep going about kids I will get you an orphan as a Christmas gift.”

“Stop creeping me and Akutagawa out,” Oda sighed tiredly. “Anyway, Alissa is a bitch. Good thing I came in or he would be back on her leash in no time.”

“She’s not like that,” Gide tried to defend her but Odasaku seemed to really hate her guts.  “She’s just religious and she does all in good faith... Just accept that she’s crazy, it helps. You two should finally start getting along. My mother still hates you for throwing her out of our wedding.”

“She asked me to name our baby Alissa and give her the cross that used to belong to your mom and you gave her when you two were together. And then she told me she burned all her books except for the Bible because they reminded her of you.”

Akutagawa wasn’t easily shocked. His life taught him to expect the strangest things. Especially last year since he met Fyodor. Or maybe the middle school when he had to deal with teenage Dazai.

But he never expected something like Alissa. He was happy that probably he would never meet her in person.

André chose to avoid the subject and was just happily scrolling through his phone.

“Oh, look! I got even more kudos!”

Odasaku sighed. Akutagawa hesitated for a second but after all decided to ask.

“What did you get kudos for?”

“My crack fanfiction! Don’t get me wrong, serious writing is satisfying but writing for other fans and just for fun is even more amusing. And I got a comment! They are praising me!”

Odasaku sighed once more, even louder. And then finally he asked.

“Did you finish the new chapter?”

“Pretty much. What? Are you finally admitting to actually liking it and want to check it before I post it tonight?”

“I never said I didn’t like it.”

“Say you love my crack fic, Odasaku,” Gide dared him.

“You fanfic is really fun to read,” Odasaku gave in.

“I just have to stir that right? If you really want to, you can go up and read it before dinner.”

Odasaku was out of the room in a blink of an eye. André giggled and took over the stove. Akutagawa prayed that he wouldn’t poison it.

“So, brat. What do you want to do about your life?”

“Environmental lawyer who punishes the evil.”

“Well, aren’t you an ambitious little thing,” André Gide smirked. “But it’s good. One has to be ambitious to actually get what they want. Look at me for example.”

“What, is your dream to be the most popular author on ao3?”

“Don’t joke about fanfiction, boy, fanfics aren’t about the fame but about what do you give to the fandom. It’s all about sharing love. And besides that, I’m a really popular author in real life right now so I don’t care about kudos.”

“You were pretty excited about them a minute ago.”

“Fine, I love kudos, who doesn’t? But! It’s more about the love! And popularizing the idea that one of my favorites manga characters would be vegan in any modern AU.”

It picked up Akutagawa’s attention.

“Vegan?” he repeated.

“Yes. If you get into the fandom, I will gladly share my fanfic. It is all about being a devoted fan so first, you need to be a fan.”

“Send me the manga name and the link afterward.”

“With pleasure.”

That was when Akutagawa noticed. André Gide was completely dominating all the situation. And the conversation. He was in the center, they were constantly talking about him since he arrived. He even got Akutagawa to read his favorite manga and fanfiction about it. Odasaku was right. Akutagawa was facing someone so smart and narcissistic that none of his previous experiences could even compare to that.

He decided to test out his theory and change subject to Odasaku.

“Speaking of which, what does Odasaku want to do?”

“ He got into special education and probably will start teaching after finishing his degree this year but actually, he wants to be a kids’ book author. That’s so adorable. I’m helping him out since I have been working with publishers for quite some time now...”

Strike one for bringing the discussion back to himself.

“Isn’t the food ready? It looks ready.”

“I don’t really know. I’m not that familiar with Japanese cuisine. You’re Japanese, why don’t you check?”

Akutagawa stood up and picked a piece of vegetable with chopsticks.

“Yuck,” Gide let out an unpleasant sound. “I hate this country cuisine. It is too weird. Odasaku makes it edible but still, I hate it.”

“It’s much better than any Russian dish.”

“I’ve never been to Russia. Maybe I should go for a vacation...”

Strike two.

Pissed off Odasaku reentered the kitchen and disturbed Akutagawa’s own little case study.

“You call it a chapter? It was more like a teaser! It had less than a thousand words!”

“Depending on how nicely you ask me, I could write a thousand more if you want,” André winked. “Maybe not tonight because I do hope we will be occupied with your asking but I could get it done by lunch.”

“You are such a crazy desperate old man. If you keep on going like that in front of our guest you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Gide shrugged innocently.

“Still, it was worth trying. Is the food okay to eat now?”

It was. Akutagawa helped Odasaku set up the table in the dining room as André went off to grab even more wine. Despite André Gide’s doubts, the food turned out to be delicious. Over the dinner, Akutagawa found out even more about how Odasaku and André Gide met and got married.

It all started a few weeks after Chuuya broke up with Dazai. The latter got lonely and decided to stalk Chuuya. He wanted to sneak into the lectures, Odasaku tried to stop him, Dazai fell into the pond near French Language and Literature Faculty, he was unwilling to get out and Odasaku needed to forcefully pull him out. Gide saw the whole thing and a few days later offered Dazai a deal. He would tell him everything he knew about how Chuuya was doing and Dazai would give him advice about Odasaku.

Dazai’s advice was just one small piece of paper.  It was Oda’s full name, the fact that it sounds way better if you call him ‘Odasaku’, his number, his address, and a little table. In the first row, there were listed things Odasaku liked (‘curry, orphans, reading’) and in the second row his dislikes (‘killing, fancy meals’).

After that it was easy. Gide located the orphanage closest to Odasaku’s home, where the man was, of course, volunteering, as a well-recognized author he offered to do a reading there, he focused on being nice to the kids and later invited Odasaku for a curry. Then he just needed to be careful not to kill anyone, especially any orphans.

Akutagawa was amazed by how openly that man spoke about it all. Fortunately, not only it looked like Odasaku married the man knowing what he was like but he also knew how to sass him and put him back in his place.

After a fifth glass of wine Akutagawa actually came to the conclusion that they might be a quite nice couple and he liked them. But then again, he was starting to feel very drunk.

Their cheerful talk was had been interrupted by the doorbell. Odasaku glanced at the wall where the clock was. Akutagawa’s eyes followed his just to find out that it was just before nine.

André Gide sighed and slowly raised from his chair and disappeared in the hall, wine glass still in his hand. Akutagawa and Odasaku heard the sound of the front door opening and the following André’s yell:

“It’s our best man! Do we let him in? I think he has alcohol!... He has two bottles of whiskey! Is it worth it?”

“Stop joking around, André! Dazai, you’re always welcome here, we don’t need you to pay us in alcohol! But bring it here!” Odasaku yelled back.

Soon, André sat back in his chair. Dazai followed him to the room and heavily placed the whiskey on the table. Akutagawa immediately noticed that Dazai was upset. He didn’t have his usual fool’s smirk on, he looked strangely worried.

“Did it something go wrong with your brother?”

“Actually, I came here to ask you something, Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai heavily collapsed on the chair in front of him. “Then probably I would like to drink myself into oblivion with Odasaku if André doesn’t mind.”

“ I never mind drunk Odasaku, so don’t worry about me. I’ll go get you glasses and ice,” Gide volunteered and stood up again.

Dazai sighed again and loosened up his tie. He was still wearing nicer clothes he probably chose for dinner with his brother.

“Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai said, out of the blue sounding very determined and strict. “Tell me now, what is going on between Fyodor and Chuuya. No covering up for any of them.”

“Nothing,” Akutagawa immediately responded since Fyodor had asked him to.

“Akutagawa-kun. Be serious. What the hell is Fyodor doing with my Chuuya? What the hell happened when we were broken up? Is he using my Chuuya for one of his mind games?”

Akutagawa sighed. Dazai was bound to find out sooner or later so maybe Fyodor would forgive him for being the one who told him.

“You really want to know everything? What happened today?”

“Yes. Today, me and my brother ran into Fyodor and Chuuya in this fancy restaurant he picked. We joined the tables and Fyodor was weird. Normally, he would easily destroy me in this situation but he actually almost behaved. Still, he said enough to let my brother know I’m a slacking off failure and that Chuuya is again practically living in the apartment my family rents for me. And the fact that Chuuya always tries to hide that they are friends... Why is he polite in front of Chuuya? What is he planning? Is he trying to steal Chuuya? What the hell is his deal?”

“Oh.”

“Akutagawa,” Dazai was starting to get pissed. “Talk.”

“There is nothing weird going on. Chuuya and Fyodor are really close friends. Chuuya probably doesn’t talk about him that much because he knows you don’t like him.”

“Go on. How the hell did it happen? Chuuya knew well he’s my archenemy. ”

“ It’s all your fault. Gin and I were looking for a quiet roommate and of course, you went out of your way to announce to the whole Music Academy that we are looking for someone. If it wasn’t for you we wouldn’t be living with Fyodor.”

“Well, that plan did backfire. Especially since you turned out to be a shitty spy.”

“Did you hope I would be a good spy?” Akutagawa asked doubtfully.

“Most of my plan consisted of you living with a noisy Academy’s student and when it turned out to be Fyodor I hoped your hate for meat would make him ran away and would scare him forever with this traumatic experience.”

Akutagawa remembered how irritating Fyodor’s meat had been in the beginning. How was he living with it now? He tried to think about what changed. Then he realized. The boxes. Fyodor started using green food containers with small cute vegetables or white polar bears on them. They were not transparent.

Fyodor was using them so Akutagawa wouldn’t see all the meat he was keeping in the fridge. He didn’t know if Fyodor was doing it out of care or just to avoid the fight. Either way, he appreciated the effort and was grateful.

“Back to the topic. Fyodor insisted that he and Chuuya are best friends. Is it true?”

“Gogol wouldn’t agree but I guess it is the truth.”

Dazai sighed. He was looking tired. Really tired.

“Am I that bad of a boyfriend that Chuuya has to hide things like that from me?”

Suddenly it was André who spoke up.

“Please, Dazai. If you knew about Chuuya and Fyodor you would be worse than Odasaku is about my Alissa. I need to tell him whenever I call her, can you imagine that?”

Akutagawa sent him a glare. He wanted to insult him but Dazai was faster.

“You forget that I was at your wedding, André. If I were Odasaku I would get you to block that bitch on every social media possible. But Odasaku has too much of a tender heart. Akutagawa, can you believe that Odasaku still picks mafia instead of the police when we play games even though his tender heart makes him suck and die within the first four rounds?”

“Hey, I’m efficient, I usually sacrifice myself so you can win,” Odasaku protested.

“Sometimes we play MMO with Ango and Chuuya. Every time, he plays as an assassin but kills only when he has to. And always has more healing potions than any healer I’ve ever met.”

“I’m heartbroken,” André Gide exclaimed. “You never invited me over when you guys were playing.”

They all looked up to him.

“Sorry,” Odasaku said slowly. “I love you but I do consider you old man. Who doesn’t play video games.”

“You still haven’t learned to never underestimate me, mon chéri. I’m bringing my Nintendo Switch. And you will pay.”

“You have a Switch?” Odasaku was clearly surprised.

“You thought I was seriously just writing the whole day? Get ready, Sakunosuke. It is on.”

When he left Dazai sighed.

“Good grief. If I invite Chuuya’s French teacher next time we play games, then I will really be a terrible boyfriend,” he poured himself another drink. “But seriously, that man never ceases to amaze me, you were lucky to fall into his trap, Odasaku,” he giggled.

“You are a good boyfriend, Dazai. At least this time around,” Odasaku insisted.

“One thing is bothering me though...” Dazai played with his fingers on the almost empty glass in his hands with a smile that made Akutagawa uneasy. “Akutagawa, is Fyodor over his crush on my Chuuya or is he just pretending?”

Akutagawa was so done with trying to get Dazai.

“How on Earth you noticed the crush but you haven’t noticed their friendship?”

“I did notice their friendship I just never expected it to be that close. And that crush was really obvious.”

“He’s over it now anyway. But still hates your guts, I never heard as many Russian swear words as the day you two got back together. We were lucky his baboulenka was on her business meeting when he found out because seriously, it was not something you want your baboulenka to hear.”

“You keep using those strange Russian terms, Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai wondered. “Is Fyodor teaching you his language?”

“Only a fool wouldn’t be able to pick up few basic words and phrases, Dazai. Do you take me for a fool?”

“In no way, my cute kouhai. So what makes you so sure Fyodor’s crush is gone?” Dazai wasn’t letting go.

“I live with him. Now Chuuya is his precious best friend. And also there is Gogol.”

“The illegal immigrant Gogol?”

“Gin and I are almost sure he and Fyodor will get together sooner or later.”

“Well, then,” Dazai looked relieved and smiled at ease. “Why won’t you make all our lives easier and give me his number? I could make it way sooner than later.”

“Stop meddling in people’s love lives,” Odasaku begged him with not much hope sounding in his voice.

“Complaining about me again, mon amour?” André Gide reappeared.

“Shit. Do you have a superpower that allows you to enter the room with the best comeback?” Odasaku blinked.

André just beamed happily and ignored the question to remain mysterious.

“Let’s move the party to the living room. I need to have a mortal combat with my soulmate. I really hope you are good at it, Odasaku.”

“Shut up. I will kick your ass.”

“Wouldn’t be so sure. I have a decade of practice over you and I’m less drunk.”

Akutagawa doubted it was possible. André drank so much wine during dinner it was amazing he was walking straight. Still, Odasaku seemed to acknowledge his claim since he picked up his own glass and pressed it against André’s lips.

“Drink it and I will kiss you.”

“Putting me at disadvantage, you must be really scared, mon doux,” André smirked mischievously and leaned in to capture Odasaku’s lips in a short but intense kiss. “Come on, let’s play.”

They quickly got around to moving the drinks, Odasaku even managed to get some cookies from the kitchen. Soon, they were sitting in the living room. Gide plugged in the Nintendo and pads. He sat down with Odasaku on the carpet and passionately smashed buttons as they played Mortal Kombat. It was horrible. It took Odasaku a minute to figure out but soon he was able to read all his husband’s moves and avoid his hits. Unfortunately the same could be said about André. It was clear that this fight would take a long time since they were dealing each other almost no damage.

“They understand each other so perfectly, Akutagawa-kun! I want a relationship like that!” Dazai complained.

“But I’m not coming to yours and Fyodor’s wedding,” Akutagawa sighed.

“What,” Dazai gasped with horror. “What is going on with your head?”

“The only person that could ever play Mortal Kombat with you this way is Fyodor. Deal with it.”

Dazai sighed and slowly took away Akutagawa’s whiskey glass.

“I’m cutting you off. You are saying logical but creepy things. And you still need to tell me Gogol’s number.”

“I am not. Gin and I talked about it and we don’t want you to meddle.”

 “Don’t be childish, Akutagawa-kun.”

“We think that it’s best for Fyodor if they work things out on their own. We are also scared that if Fyodor realizes that you pulled some strings, he will instantly break up with Gogol.”

Dazai took another sip of his whiskey. Akutagawa used this moment of distraction to snap his own drink back into his hand. He also filled it up a little bit. Dazai saw what he was doing but decided to let it slide.

“I will respect your judgment and leave them alone until summer.”

“That’s fairly generous for you.”

“I blame the whiskey. It’s pretty strong.”

It was. It took just an hour more for André to fall asleep on Odasaku. With his husband on his shoulder, Odasaku still managed to wipe the floor with Akutagawa in all the games they played.

Dazai was tempted to call Chuuya but they stopped him. It turned out to be in vain since before midnight Chuuya drunk called Dazai. Apparently, he was pretty depressed about the whole dinner situation and was also drinking but with Fyodor, Gogol and Sigma.

Dazai and Chuuya seemed to have worked out their issues pretty quickly and then spend a long time talking and laughing. Akutagawa was glad. Dazai and Chuuya were really better together than on each on their own.

 Odasaku fell asleep after another battle. He didn’t even bother getting to bed or a couch, he just laid down with André on the carpet. Akutagawa pitied them enough to at least take two pillows and a blanket from the couch and cover them. He thought Odasaku mumbled a thank you but wasn’t sure.  Akutagawa had no idea how they could sleep with Mortal Kombat music still playing loudly and Dazai giggling to his phone just a few meters away.

Akutagawa turned off the TV and plugged out the Nintendo. He decided that wanted to sleep now. He needed to sleep. He was drunk. He was very drunk and he had no idea how had it come to this. He was missing his steps. He had trouble climbing the stairs he almost missed a step.

This was horrible. And humiliating. Good thing only Dazai was there to witness that and Dazai had witnessed him in way worse state over the years. So he didn’t care about Dazai.

Akutagawa brushed his teeth and with little trouble managed to turn into his pajamas. He laid down on one of the most comfortable beds of his life but still couldn’t sleep. He could still hear Dazai.

At this point he hated Dazai.

He decided to share that with Atsushi.

Crazy Vegan Vampire Boyfriend

I hate that drunk Dazai makes drunk Chuuya laugh like a teenage girl. It’s creepy. And annoying. I want to sleep.

Atsushi responded with two emojis. First was a cat saying he's sorry and the second was a sleeping tiger.

Now that Akutagawa knew Atsushi wouldn’t be able to keep him company in this terrible time, he decided to call for desperate measures. He opened up a conversation with a man he contacted from time to time. He didn’t like messaging him, he felt like everything about this conversation was mocking him, from the nicknames, through the color of the chat (black), to the content. But he had no other choice in this state but to ask for help.

Vegetable Dracula Cosplayer

Distract Chuuya so he hangs up on Dazai, plz

Russia’s Most Handsome Clown

Not today, I’m closer to getting out of the friendzone

Vegetable Dracula Cosplayer

Are you? Really?

Russia’s Most Handsome Clown

As close as you were to eat that kidney this week so not really (｡ >艸<) I’m still laughing about how it slapped your face

Fyodor and Sigma are talking about Motherland’s criminal justice

Kinda important but boooooring

Okay, I made a balloon

I’m throwing it at Belka

Oh wait

I will rub it on his hair

Belka is chasing me bye

I don’t wanna die

How is Belka so little but so strong?

Vegetable Dracula Cosplayer

Thanks.

Dazai downstairs got quiet. Akutagawa let out a satisfied sigh. Gogol surely was insufferable but effective.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa’s week in Hell – Part 4

Day 5

Akutagawa woke up with the worst hangover of his life. He was positive that hell was better than this. He rolled over trying to sleep again but he couldn’t.

The sun was killing him but he couldn’t stand up to close the curtains. What the hell was in that whiskey Dazai brought yesterday? He was feeling terrible. Thinking was making him suffer.

He needed water. And fresh air. Or else he was going to die.

Slowly, he sat up on the bed. Nausea immediately got worse, his head was spinning and stomach protested begging him not to move anymore. He waited a little bit so it could calm down. It barely did.

But he needed air. Darkness. And water.

In half alive state, on the verge of running to the bathroom because of nausea, he climbed down the stairs, grabbing the handrail like it was the only thing keeping from falling.

Passing through the living room, he almost stepped on André and Odasaku, who were still asleep on the floor. He got through them and all the other obstacles and got to the kitchen. It was extremely hard since he was having his eyes closed for the most part, trying to avoid the sun.

He grabbed a glass of water and drank it immediately. It made him feel a little bit better, although it made him even more nauseous. Took a few deep breaths and filled the glass with water again. Wielding it firmly in his hands, he slowly returned to his room.

The journey back was a little easier. Just a little.

He quickly opened the window to let the air in, closed the curtains to shut out the sun, gulped down some more water and tried to sleep some more.

He was going to kill Dazai for that whiskey.

***

Scrambled eggs.

Akutagawa hated that smell. Hated it enough to wake up when he sensed it. At least usually. This time he smelled scrambled eggs after waking up because of shouting.

“André! Akutagawa is vegan, can’t you eat a sandwich or cereal?!”

“I’m hungover as fuck and I will do what I want!”

Akutagawa sighed. Now he wanted cereal. That made him realize that he wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore. He was still thirsty, his head was hurting but not as badly. And even though he slept a lot, he was feeling extremely worn out.

After staring at the ceiling and listening in onto Gide’s and Odasaku’s conversation downstairs, Akutagawa decided that he couldn’t sleep anymore. He checked his phone but not to read that countless messages that came in since yesterday because he wasn’t in the mood to read any of them. He just wanted to check the time.

It was nine. He had classes at eleven. He really should get up and shower.

It took all his physical and mental strength to do so. When he did, he joined Gide and Odasaku downstairs. Fortunately, André’s scrambled eggs already got eaten. In his current mood he was scared that if he saw them, he would throw the plate into the garbage can. Or just out of the window.

“Hi, are you okay? We just took tons of pills,” Odasaku asked worriedly when he saw him. “ You look even more pale than usual.”

“Can you give me some of these pills?”

André threw a bottle at him. Akutagawa managed the catch it, which seemed to surprise the French man, and quickly swallowed three.  

“Looks like you feel like we do,” André commented. “And that bastard disappeared so I can’t even punish him.”

“Don’t you dare punish Chuuya instead,” Odasaku threated him.

“Merde. Fuck. I have classes today. Sakunosuke, I don’t wanna go to school today...”

He looked so sad that Akutagawa started believing that Gide wanted to stay home even more than he did. Odasaku hugged his husband and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

“Too bad you used up all your vacation days already. Be brave, love. Go, teach people.”

André looked up.

“You sound so sweet but I know you are mocking me. Will you at least make me a bento?”

“No way, you hate Japanese food. I have a lecture at three pm, I’m just waiting for you two to get out so I can go back to bed. ”

Gide glared at him in silence. In the meantime, Odasaku offered Akutagawa some cereal and apologized for having no soy milk. Akutagawa wasn’t bothered, he was so hungry, he didn’t mind not having any milk at all.

 “I have so many comebacks to that, Odasaku. But, first of all... I don’t hate your bentos. Your bentos make me want to go to work,” André stated.

“I’m still too tired to make you anything, sorry. Just eat at the cafeteria today.”

“In front of the students?!”

“You won’t die.”

“If any of them flirts with me and then I have an affair with them it’s all your fault,” Gide sighed. “I’m a hot foreign language professor so it’s possible you know. Things happen in the cafeteria.”

Odasaku rolled his eyes.

“If you ever have an affair, I’m not only using Dazai to destroy you, Ango to steal all your money in divorce but also I’m calling Alissa.”

André Gide seemed to be strangely happy about it. It creeped Akutagawa out.

“You are so hot when you threaten me Odasaku. Your classes are until six, right?”

“Yes...”

“I’m taking you out on a date after,” André decided.

Odasaku groaned.

“I hope that today we could just concentrate on dying quietly and resting.”

“How about I pick you up and we’ll decide then?”

“Fine. Akutagawa, is that cereal really okay? André can go get some milk that you can drink, if you want. Would you like a tea or a coffee?”

‘Just to die,’ Akutagawa thought.

“A tea would be great.”

***

During lectures, Akutagawa wasn’t even able to properly take notes. Good thing he didn’t drink with Dazai too often or he would lose his scholarship and then he would have to start working, probably with all his friends and boyfriend at Little Ladybug.

He just hoped that he would be able to go back to Odasaku’s place and rest.

Fyodor

It’s Thursday. 

Vegapocalypse

No. Plz Fyodor, I’m dead

Fyodor

I have a things to be done for tomorrow

You’ll be fine

I will even buy you a vegan burger

Be there at 6:30

Next came a link to google maps. Akutagawa felt hesitant. Food was a strong argument. And his classes finished at 6 pm, so it was kind of on the way. And what is more, since Odasaku and Gide were probably going out, he would have to ask them for keys and it would be very awkward.

He sighed and drank a little bit more water.

Vegapocalypse

We decided never to do that in public

Only if you throw in a juice or sth

Do you have some Russian pills for hangover?

Fyodor

I’ll bring you Gogol’s magical hangover mixture, just don’t ask what’s inside

Feel free to order a mango lassi even

Your people have vegan mango lassi, right?

Akutagawa glared mightily at the last text and turned on his screen with no intention of replying it.

***

“I don’t know these kanji,” Fyodor pointed at 鍵盤 in the text he was supposed to read for tomorrow’s study group.

“It’s kenban for keyboard, Fyodor,” Akutagawa calmly explained taking a sip of his vegan chai. “Like keyboard in your computer or a piano.”

“Ah, okay, I had a feeling I saw it before. And this one?” he showed him 勧告.

“It’s kankoku. The one for advice and recommendation. Kan is the same as in susumeru and...

“Erwin danchou’s susumeru?” Fyodor made sure.

“Yes, the very same. And koku is the same like in kokuhaku for confession. Or houkoku for report.”

“This kanji is easy,” Fyodor smiled with hope.

Akutagawa was tired. Usually, he didn’t mind helping Fyodor but he was already out of power for today. Gogol’s mixture helped but still he was feeling tired.

It was strange that Fyodor who was extremely smart, had a great memory and pretty much was a genius couldn’t learn proper Japanese. Usually, he was able to hide it under polite and neutral forms and avoiding difficult structures but he was defeated by kanji. That’s why  once a week he would sit down with Akutagawa and Akutagawa would help him keep up with the Music Academy’s classes. Fortunately, there was not much theory, since most of Fyodor’s classes were practical or the ones where he could just scribe his notes in a strange mixture of romaji, hiragana, and Cyrillic but from time to time he had to write or read something and then he usually needed Akutagawa.

Slav Squad didn’t know about it because Fyodor was embarrassed, Chuuya didn’t know because if he knew Fyodor would die, and Dazai didn’t know because Fyodor was really good at hiding it.

But sometimes Akutagawa wondered how it didn’t work out. Like when they were later going through Fyodor’s homework on his laptop.

“Fyodor. You did it again,” Akutagawa clicked on a word. “It’s sentaku for laundry (洗濯) not sentaku for choice（選択）.”

“It looks almost the same.”

“I should charge you dessert for that.”

“I can buy you dessert if you’d like one. You are my friend, Akutagawa.”

Akutagawa was pretty sure Fyodor’s innocent smile was just a manipulation but still he was rendered speechless by it. He just couldn’t be angry with Fyodor anymore.

After they finished with the homework, Fyodor did buy him a dessert. Around that time Akutagawa got a strange text message. It was from Ango, he wanted to know if Akutagawa was still near the campus. Akutagawa just copied the google maps link he got from Fyodor before and forwarded it.

A few minutes later, when Fyodor and he were still finishing their desserts, Ango appeared, unfortunately, accompanied by Dazai. Fyodor’s expression changed instantly, even though he was still smiling, his eyes turned cold and glared at Dazai with hate.

“Hat thief.”

“Well, well. I see that unfortunately you don’t have any hats to steal today, “ Dazai looked disappointed. “What a pity.”

Fyodor smirked.

“Chuuya offered to borrow me one of his this morning but I declined,” he responded viciously.

“I know you are saying it just to spite me, Chuuya wouldn’t let anyone touch his hats,” Dazai let out a quiet laugh at Fyodor.

“Maybe it’s just that he never met anyone except for me and his dad’s boyfriend who really appreciated them. And I know about dad’s boyfriend’s because I and Chuuya are close,” Fyodor insisted just to annoy his greatest enemy. “By the way, I found this next to my pillow this morning, I guess you could give it back to Chuuya?”

Fyodor took out one of famous ‘I OWE YOU’ notes with ‘A DATE’ scribbled in bold letters.

“Chuuya should pay more attention to them if they are really important to him,” Fyodor finished his speech with a smirk.

Dazai looked like he wanted to annihilate Fyodor at that point so Ango decided to interrupt them.

“Akutagawa, we ran into Gide and Odasaku. I wouldn’t stay with them tonight if I were you. Apparently, they have a huge fight.”

Somehow, Akutagawa was expecting something like this. Apparently, this week he would not be able to sleep twice in the same place. He was slowly acknowledging that. He was just wondering what the fuck was wrong with his karma.

“What did André do?” he just asked.

“It seems like Alissa was lighting some candles and praying for him. He hates that because non-atheists can use it as an argument to prove that he’s alive and okay because there is someone praying for him. So he’s calling his whole family to get them to destroy the candles and stop Alissa. He spent the whole afternoon and evening on that. Odasaku finally got sick of that since it was supposed to be a date night or something.”

“Well. I need a new home. Fyodor?”

“Sigma has his internship tomorrow so we need to be quiet and peaceful tonight. And we have just two beds there. If you stayed there, we would have to share and throw Gogol out to Sigma’s or make him sleep on the floor,” Fyodor was clearly considering that.

“So you and Gogol are sleeping in one bed this week?” Akutagawa needed to know.

“For the most part,” Fyodor clearly saw nothing strange about it. “But yesterday I threw him out and slept with Chuuya,” he smiled and studied Dazai’s reaction.

Dazai was maintaining an impeccable poker face. Akutagawa was very impressed with him and proud to be able to call him ‘senpai’. He could just hope he would be able to withstand rage with such a gracefulness in the future.

“Lucy was now trying out wedding cakes with Kyouka and Kyouka said she would love to have you over. She complained that it was a while since you’ve done a movie marathon so you can just go there,” Ango said. “I would invite you over but me and Lucy are super tired because of the wedding.”

The mysterious wedding. Lucy and Ango decided to first get the certificate so officially they were married now. The sole reason was that Lucy wanted a big wedding and big weddings take time to plan and they would never get it done by the time her visa expired.

And sure they were taking their time now. As far as Akutagawa knew, Kyouka was helping Lucy pick out a wedding cake for two weeks already.

Akutagawa thanked Ango and decided to take his leave. The fact that Fyodor was paying for him didn’t escape Dazai’s attention. Soon after he left, Dazai bombarded him with text messages demanding answers.

Akutagawa chose to just lie and say that Fyodor owed him. And he used the word ‘owe’ on purpose to shut Dazai up.

Going back to Kyouka’s place brought back some memories. He used to come his very often when they were dating. Kyouka still lived with her parents now, in the same house she did back then. But now Akutagawa didn’t come over very often. It was mostly because of Kyouka’s mother.

But today, he was going to be brave. He was going to face that women and stand up for himself.

It took him less than a half an hour to find himself at Kyouka’s doorstep. He already thanked her and told her that he would be coming. She told him her mom was already preparing vegan snacks.

He took a few long breaths before knocking on the door. He truly hoped Kyouka would come down to get him.

It was all in vain. The mother opened. Akutagawa never considered himself someone easily scared. He was scared of just few things.

Big dogs. Fyodor at times. Gin’s witch doll she was keeping just to scare him from time to time. Straws. Clowns. Some of Stephen King’s books. Gollum. And Izumi Kyouka’s mother.

“Ryuu-chan! Long time no see! I was so happy when Kyouka told me that you’d be sleeping over!” she pulled him in a forceful hug.

“Hello, Izumi-san. It’s always a pleasure to meet you,” he lied.

“Come in! Kyouka also told me that something terrible happened to your kitchen! Don’t worry, you can stay with us until it’s fixed, after all, you’re always welcome here,” she insisted.

“I hope it will be done by tomorrow,” he lied once again. “ So don’t worry.”

“Well, you could always stay here for fun! Don’t hesitate!”

“Mom, let Ryuu up,” Kyouka suddenly appeared on stairs wearing her rabbit pajamas. “It’s late and we wanted to still watch some movies.”

“Of course!” she let him go. “Have fun! I’ll bring you some snacks. Ryuu-chan, you’re still on your diet?”

“If you mean that I’m vegan, then yes. Thank you.”

“You are always such a polite boy!”

Actually, Akutagawa was polite mostly because he was terrified by that women and he didn’t want to make an enemy out of her. He was already on thin ice because he was gay and vegan.

Only when he was safe in Kyouka’s room he let out the breath he had been holding in for a while. He hugged Kyouka, she smelled nice, probably because she had just taken a bath.

“Go shower Ryuu. We’re watching movies.”

“Did you pick something already?” he asked.

Her warm smile made him sure that she did and those were things they would both  enjoy. He rushed to the bathroom. He did bring his own towel but Kyouka’s mother had offered him not only a towel but set of pajamas in case he wanted them.

Akutagawa was very suspicious about why she had a set of pajamas perfectly his size. He declined both, pajamas and towel, just in case.

Soon he was sitting on Kyouka’s bed with her and they scrolled through the movies.

“I heard this one is pretty scary. It’s about an orphanage, youkai and there is a killer monk,” she claimed.

“Wait,” Akutagawa interrupted her. “I wanted to watch that one. It’s Korean but gets great reviews. I heard it’s mind-blowing and so confusing you are even scared of yourself. And it all comes along with exquisite director’s work.”

Kyouka’s eyes glimmered.

“ We’re watching it first. What about that one?”

“Werewolves are so overrated it will either be good or funny. Let’s decide after the first one if we’re in the mood to take that risk.”

Kyouka nodded enthusiastically. She was so cute that Akutagawa could almost forgive her that she worked as a butcher. Tonight he decided to let go of his hate and just enjoy himself.

Especially since Kyouka was the only person he could watch horror movies with. Gin laughed too much, Fyodor tended to be even scarier than the movies, Dazai would mock him and Chuuya would get too emotionally involved. And he didn’t even try to watch horror with Atsushi because he couldn’t imagine Atsushi liking something like that.

And Kyouka loved horror movies just as much as he did.  That’s why for years now they have been meeting for quiet marathons in Kyouka’s room and never invited anyone else. No one other could understand the greatness of horror movies.

Just a few minutes after they started the first movie, there was a knock on the door. They both already got into the mood and sudden noise made them jump up. Their hands clenched together, like they always did. They didn’t let go in time when Kyouka’s mom walked in.

“Oh my, you two are just adorable... Snuggled together under blankets, holding hands... that’s so cute. I brought you some tea and snacks! I even made some kappa zushi since I Ryuu-chan likes it so much!”

Kyouka wisely paused the movie as her mom placed the tray on the bedside table and poured them tea.

“How is life, Akutagawa-kun?”

“Pretty hard lately. Exams and I have to work for my scholarship,” he lied.

He had no idea why when that woman asked him something, he would almost always tell her something not true. Probably he did it out fear.

“You always are such a diligent student! And I’m still grateful you were helping Kyouka with English before her entry exams! You two weren’t dating at that time but still, you took care of her!”

“Mom,” Kyouka sighed. “Ryuu is my gay friend. It doesn’t matter to him that I broke up with him.”

“Kyouka, don’t say that! It must have been a terrible experience to be dumped by his first girlfriend, wasn’t it, Ryuu-chan?”

Every cell in his body wanted to lie and agree with that woman but then Kyouka would murder him. He chose to look away and stay silent.

“Kyouka, look how devasted he still is! Being gay is often just a phase, you shouldn’t throw such a wonderful young man out because of that!”

Finally, Akutagawa decided to speak up honestly which didn’t happen often when he was facing her.

“It’s not a phase. I am gay. And I love your daughter. As a friend. As a really good friend.”

She completely ignored all his effort and patted him gently on his head.

“You’re still figuring it out, honey. Take your time. Enjoy the movie!” she smiled and exited the room.

Kyouka sighed and leaned her head on Akutagawa’s shoulder. He petted her hair, trying to calm her.

“Maybe next time I will invite Atsushi too. Then you two can make out in front of her and then she realizes that we are not getting back together,” she said quietly.

“No way, I’m too scared. And Atsushi wouldn’t survive five minutes of a horror movie or he would start crying.”

“Have you ever watched a horror movie with him?” she asked. “I think we shouldn’t be so quick to judge him.”

“Never have. I’ll ask about it.”

Tofu God Who You Date

Hey, actually, do you like horror movies?

Tiger Boyfriend

Depends. Are we talking good serious ones or crappy ones? Are we watching a movie soon?

Tofu God Who You Date

I’m watching a movie with Kyouka. Respond, Jinko.

Tiger Boyfriend

I get scared but I love the good ones. The shitty ones I like only if they have a lot of fake blood.

Kyouka looked over his shoulder.

“He’s worthy,” she deemed. “We can at least test him out. Tell him to come here.”

Akutagawa was impressed. He liked Atsushi even more now. He was stupid to underestimate him.

Tofu God Who You Date

What are you doing now? If, you’re free, come over to Kyouka’s

Tiger Boyfriend

I’m on my way home from work so I could be there in less than 20 min but I don’t have any pajamas or toothbrush ☹

Akutagawa looked up at his friend. She nodded in quiet agreement.

Tofu God Who You Date

We’ll work something out. Come over.

Kyouka snuck out of the blankets and out of the room. Akutagawa heard her yell:

“Mom! My friend Atsushi will be coming over too in 20 minutes!”

“Okay, honey! Is Ryuu-chan okay with that though?”

“He loves Atsushi, he’s very much okay!” she yelled back and closed the door. “Please, kiss Atsushi in front of my mom,” she whispered.

Akutagawa was breaking a lot of rules lately. There he was again, wrapped in blankets on meat-eater’s bed. He wasn’t about to break another one.

“No. I do not like public display of affection.”

“Atsushi told me you kissed him in Little Ladybug, took a picture of it and sent it to your mother and him,” she reminded him.

“That was one time.”

“Get some balls, Ryuu. Kiss your boyfriend in front of my mom.”

“You won’t tell me how to live my life, Kyouka. You should just get a new boyfriend, then she would finally be over me,” he suggested.

“I don’t want to go out with someone just for the sake of going out. You could also could just stop pretending to be so perfect in front of her.”

 “I cannot control it. Seriously, get a boyfriend. I know a really nice guy and you’re just his type. I could introduce you,” he proposed.

“Is he rich and handsome?” she asked skeptically.

“Handsome and stylish. But not rich yet but he will be, he’s a last year law student. You should snatch him out before he graduates,” Akutagawa was taking this very seriously. “He won’t be single for a long time, you know.”

“Sounds like a creep who likes girls who look like they are fourteen.”

Akutagawa sighed. If Kyouka would turn down every guy for that reason she would have absolutely no chance of getting a boyfriend. Well, maybe just a small one. He was going to acknowledge that since Atsushi told him not to be so coldly calculating when it came down to his friend’s misery.

“He’s not a creep. He’s lovely.”

“Sounds even more creepy.”

“Sorry, it’s just that Fyodor thinks he’s lovely. It kind of got stuck in my head. Fyodor also thinks he’s adorable.”

“You keep making it worse, Ryuu. I’m definitely not going out with that guy.”

Akutagawa sighed. He still planned on introducing Kyouka to Sigma at some party. He was sure Sigma would fall for her immediately, he just was like that. And then, Akutagawa would maybe be acknowledged as just a friend in Kyouka’s house. He was waiting for that day impatiently.

 They talked some more before Atsushi arrived. When he did, they got down to greet him and Kyouka was clearly expecting Akutagawa to tell her mom that they were dating and kiss. Akutagawa couldn’t bring himself to do either.

Kyouka’s mom was very surprised that they knew each other. And then she was overjoyed because she seemed to think that Atsushi, being gay, will explain to Akutagawa that he is actually not gay at all. Akutagawa just didn’t get that woman’s logic.

Soon, Atsushi hiding under the blanket with them, having showered and changed into pajamas that clearly weren’t his size. They were prepared for Akutagawa who was basically skin and bones so it was a little too small. But fortunately, Akutagawa was taller so Atsushi didn’t look hideous just stupid.

“You look hideous,” Akutagawa told him even though.

“Shut up,” Atsushi muttered with blush covering his face and tried to hide more under the blankets.

“Ryuu’s lying,” Kyouka interrupted them. “He actually thinks you’re extremely cute.”

“That’s not true,” Akutagawa was outraged.

“Leave Akutagawa alone, Kyouka,” Atsushi defended his boyfriend. “He’s really bad with feelings. Really bad. By the way, what was the deal with your mom?”

“Don’t ask. Let’s just watch a movie.”

Atsushi never ceased to amaze Akutagawa. He never thought that Atsushi, the gentle Atsushi of all people, would know how to properly enjoy horror movies. But he did. He was embracing the feelings the movie provided, every terror and thrill. Kyouka also noticed that.

Finally, all three of them were barely whispering during the movie. Mostly they were just grabbing each other when the movie got too scary. Only a few minutes after the movie Atsushi let out a rant he was holding about how the movie was perfect, that he still doesn’t get if the lady ghost was good or bad but either way he loved her and he repeated a few more times that he loved the movie. Kyouka just smiled.

“Ryuu, I think we’ll be inviting Atsushi over for our movie nights. Do you agree?”

“I do,” Akutagawa replied. His voice was so soft and gentle that he even surprised himself.

***

They all had lectures so they had to wake up early in the morning. Kyouka’s mom tried to throw Atsushi out of the room at some point and have him sleep on the futon but then Akutagawa suggested that, in that case, he should just sleep with Atsushi since they were both boys. That shut her up and they ended up sleeping all in Kyouka’s bed. Fortunately, they were all thin so it wasn’t cramped at all.

Akutagawa ended up helping Kyouka’s mom with preparing the breakfast, to his horror. She treated him as he was her perfect son-in-law and he couldn’t stop her. They made breakfast for everyone, even Kyouka’s dad who quickly left for work.

Atsushi was the last one to wake up. He was always very lazy in the morning, cuddly and willing to avoid real life at any cost. He also always had an amazing bed head every morning.

Without even asking, Akutagawa stopped chopping the cucumbers and turned to pour him some black tea. He knew Atsushi needed it.

“Thanks,” Atsushi said half-asleep and without thinking he kissed Akutagawa like he did most of the mornings.

Right in front of Kyouka’s mother. Atsushi retreated out of the kitchen not having  noticed that anything was off. Kyouka, who was already sat by the table, had had eyes wide open in shock.

Kyouka’s mom’s knife hit the board with incredible strength bringing them all back to reality.

“Ryuu-chan. What was that? Did Atsushi-kun do something to you?”

Akutagawa could feel himself panicking. He took a few deep breaths in trying to figure out what to say.

“Akutagawa, tell her finally,” Kyouka urged him. “Don’t be a baby.”

Akutagawa could feel that women’s piercing eyes on him. She was very apt with the knife and she was holding one now. It was a terrible timing. But then again, he despised weakness. He wasn’t going to be weak.

“Izumi-san. I am gay. I have been openly gay for four years now so it shouldn’t surprise you. And I have been dating Atsushi since autumn.”

She gasped, dropping the knife. He quickly took it from her.

“You can sit down if you want. I will finish up the breakfast.”

Just before the yelling started for good, Akutagawa’s phone vibrated. The kitchen was going to be ready today so he could return home after class. He felt more relieved than ever to hear that.

His happiness couldn’t be shadow even by Kyouka’s mom asking him strange questions, being much more offensive than usual. She even tried to use embarrassed Atsushi to turn him straight but Atsushi just got scared and told her that he would never go against Akutagawa.

Drinking miso soup with tofu, Akutagawa was staring at Atsushi. He was withstanding all the assaults bravely. He could appreciate a good horror movie. And still had that terrible but adorable bed head.

Akutagawa was starting to think that he might not just like Atsushi, he might be falling in love with him.

   ***

BONUS  (because I couldn't resist)

Akutagawa was happy that tomorrow he would finally stop eating at University cafeteria. He would cook in his new kitchen and no one was going to stop him from making a perfect vegetarian dish. He already googled  Green Curry Kale With Crispy Coconut Tempeh that he wanted to try very badly.

Unfortunately, for now, he was stuck with fried noodles with vegetables that they sold in the cafeteria. And they were no good but it was the only vegan dish they served.

“I don’t see any seats...” he heard Atsushi’s worried voice next to him.

Akutagawa slowly and painfully scanned the room full of people eating meat. There were no seats indeed, at least not two of them next to each other. Suddenly, he noticed a table. It had just one free chair but he knew the person sitting there and they could always still a chair from another table.

He rushed to claimed it and Atsushi followed, trusting him.

“Hello, André. I will be occupying this space,” Akutagawa announced placing his tray in front of Frenchman eating his lasagna. “Atsushi, grab a chair.”

Atsushi put down his things and quickly stole the closest one that wasn’t occupied.

“You look more alive than you did yesterday, Akutagawa-kun,” he said. “I wish I could say the same for myself.”

“You don’t look so bad. By the way, this is Atsushi, my boyfriend. Atsushi, this is André Gide. He teaches Chuuya and is married to Dazai’s drinking buddy.”

“I feel terrible. Good thing you didn’t come over yesterday because Odasaku was pissed at me for some stupid reason. Or a bad thing actually, maybe you would distract him. Anyway, he made me sleep on the couch but I hid in the guestroom after he went to bed so my back will survive. But still, he was bitchy in the morning and didn’t make me bento,” André complained.

“That’s tragic.”

“At least your boyfriend is pretty,” André sighed.

If Akutagawa wasn’t used to strange people he might have felt offended right now. But since he did, he took it as a compliment.

“Thank you,” he said at the same time Atsushi did. “Jinko, don’t steal my sentences.”

“It wasn’t really yours. He was complimenting me,” Atsushi smiled in a very sassy manner.

“Well,  well, he can also talk back. I’m almost thinking he’s too good for you,” André snickered mischievously.

“Stop flirting with my boyfriend or I’m telling Odasaku,” Akutagawa calmly threatened him.

“Nah, Odasaku is so mad at this point it doesn’t matter,” André sighed heavily and stabbed his lasagna with the fork. “Stupid Alissa. That’s all that bitch’s fault. She fucking prayed for my sake. How fucking dare she?”

“So you’re an atheist?” Atsushi asked politely.

“The fuck I know. I used to be protestant but then I broke up with Alissa and I’m just so against all that puritan shit.”

“I can respect being against things,” Akutagawa nodded. “I’m extremely against plastic and meat. That lasagna is disgusting, make it disappear faster.”

“Akutagawa,” Atsushi quietly reminded him. “Be nicer.”

“I’m being as nice as meat-eaters deserve.”

“Sorry for him.”

“Just advise me what to do about my husband and you’re entirely forgiven. I don’t want to go to Dazai again for this.”

Akutagawa was clearly against helping him right now so Atsushi took the lead even though he had just met André and didn’t know Odasaku.

“Maybe get your husband something special he really likes? When Akutagawa embarrassed me in front of the whole store he got me a tiger paws gloves to make me forgive him.”

“Fuck, Atsushi!” Akutagawa was terrified. “Odasaku likes curry! Gide! Don’t you dare make him a huge pot of curry full of meat!”

André was already smiling in a very disturbing way.

“You two are very cute, I will use you as characters for my next piece probably.”

“Shouldn’t you ask us for permission first?” Akutagawa was skeptical.

“Shhh...” André calmed him down. “Everything will be okay. And actually, you’ve also inspired me to make Odasaku happy. I have a trump card I’ve been holding for a while but I guess it’s time to tell him,” he was clearly excited. “I just need to get it ready before I go home. This will be great!”

Akutagawa was highly disturbed. It made him even more glad that he wouldn’t have to be sleeping at other people’s places. He watched as André stabbed last of his disgusting cheesy lasagna.

“I need to get going. Bye, it was nice meeting you two, especially you, Atsushi-kun!”

Atsushi’s cheeks covered in blush as promptly as Akutagawa’s eyes shone with anger. André looked and them and laughed. When he left Atsushi asked quietly:

“Do you know what he’s planning? He sounded a little bit mischievous,” Atsushi asked.

“I know it’s definitely not curry. It’s surely something much worse but Odasaku will love it, probably.”

“I hope he does.”

“You are too nice Atsushi.”

“And you’re mean but I still like you,” Atsushi smiled softly.

Akutagawa just sighed.  

Chapter Text

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST ARC PART 1 - Exodus

Eurovision Song Contest was something all Fyodor’s roommates would prefer to erase from their memory, their consciousness and their lives in general.

It was an extraordinary event that took place in late spring every year since 1956. Apparently, it was very important for people from Europe. And Russia, Fyodor’s beloved Motherland, considered itself part of Europe.

Two weeks before the contest, Akutagawa’s apartment filled with strange, very kitsch songs that were mostly bad but strangely enjoyable. They were playing loudly all the time, mostly the Russian band’s song but others too since Fyodor claimed that he had to learn about the competition.

Before Eurovision, Fyodor hated on Polish people casually, without putting much effort into it. But since Poland had a huge change of winning with their astounding “The Great Improvisation” performed by immensely popular and loved by masses Mickiewicz, Fyodor lost it.

Fyodor despised Mickiewicz like Akutagawa despised straws. And he loathed the Poles. Loathed them.  

Atsushi had heard Fyodor swear so much only once before when Chuuya got back together with Dazai. He didn’t understand half of it since it was in Russian. But got a feeling that if he understood it, he would never be able to unhear it.

This way, Atsushi discovered Fyodor had second nature. Usually, he was a little creepy but lovable foreign student who liked to go around the apartment in his comfortable pajamas and wrapped in blankets he had brought from Russia. On the other hand, he apparently he was also nature of a cruel, Slavic hater.

Atsushi wished his dorm room was bigger and roommates less annoying. Then maybe he would convince Akutagawa to spend time there. But since Akutagawa’s place was usually way better with their big couch, plants, and TV. And a faster wifi connection. And tofu. No wonder Atsushi pretty much moved in over time.

Now he wished he has never done that. Eurovision songs were playing all day long, and whenever youtube for spotify would recommend Mickiewicz to Fyodor, he would start yelling and swearing in rage.

Yesterday Atsushi had enough of it and went back home to sleep.

“I slept in my dorm bed last night, I forgot how uncomfortable it is,” he confessed to Chuuya as they restocked condoms and peanuts in the party aisle of the store. Usually, Chuuya did it by himself since it was under the jurisdiction of alcohol aisle but apparently one of their customers was planning an enormous orgy with a lot of food and Chuuya needed help with restocking the items.

“What did you do to make Akutagawa throw you out? You fed him with chicken and tried to trick him into thinking it was tofu?”

“No. It was my choice to go, I would never do something like that, he would kill me!” Atsushi was outraged.

“So… What happened? Did you two have a fight?”

“Eurovision.”

“Fyodor send me few songs, they seemed pretty lame at first but they actually aren’t so bad. Especially George Sand. I love George Sand. Did you know her song is about her relationship with Chopin, the same one who wrote all her music since she broke up with Liszt and actually it was Liszt who kind of got them together.”

Atsushi stopped in the middle of hanging up cherry flavored condoms.

“I thought you listened to metal. Or rock. Or something… I don’t know, more complex.”

“Chuuya has a soft heart,” Dazai said appearing out of nowhere. “And really loves French songs with good lyrics, no matter what genre. It reminds him of poetry.”

No one seemed to be even a little bit surprised or impressed by his sudden appearance.

“Anyways,” Atsushi returned to his story. “Every time I come over, Fyodor is either singing Russian song or yelling about Poland not deserving its own country. It was funny at first but now it’s just annoying. And he never stops,” Atsushi shut his eyes trying to erase a mental image from his head.

“Is it really that bad?”

“I came over yesterday. Akutagawa just laid on the floor he looked like wanted to die.”

“Hey, we were going to visit Dazai’s rich uncle in the countryside with Ango and Lucy but they can’t make it,” Chuuya suddenly remembered. “Do you and Akutagawa want to come instead?”

Dazai looked like he was slapped in a face. He tried to mouth words like “romantic” and “alone” to Chuuya but his boyfriend was completely oblivious. He smiled at Atsushi and encouraged him instead:

“Akutagawa will finally see a cow! Don’t you think it would be awesome?”

“I shouldn’t impose…” Atsushi started but suddenly stopped. “Wait, he’s never seen a cow?”

Dazai let out a long sigh.

“Fine, let’s take them. I really want to see a cow chasing Akutagawa,” he admitted. “But you will both regret it. Remember, I was in school with Akutagawa. There were school trips. And I say it’s a bad idea.”

Chuuya stared at him doubtfully.

“Are you just mean now or it was really that bad?”

“Because of him our school accidentally ‘forgot’ a few people at McDonald’s.”

“I thought it was you,” Chuuya said.

“It was him.”

“I remember you bragging about it on our first date.”

“You were such a cute rebel back then I wanted to impress you!” Dazai remembered with a warm smile. “Fine. It was us. But mainly Akutagawa since they threw out all their garbage in the wrong trash cans. They were asking for it, I just gave Akutagawa means to an end.”

“So you left four primary schoolers in the middle of nowhere. Great. I have no idea how fifteen years old me could have thought it was hot.”

“Actually,” Atsushi picked up on the subject. “How were you guys when you were teenagers? Because I hear a lot of stories but I miss something like… general image? Or how did you two meet? Akutagawa told me Chuuya was from a different school”

“Akutagawa and Dazai were going to spoiled rich boys private school, mine was normal. And just imagine Dazai who is one thousand times more annoying and destructive since he was a self-righteous rebel teenager,” Chuuya suggested.

“Chuuya was more of a rebel, he was a real bad boy,” Dazai smiled warmly. “He always wore torn clothes, he smoked, he swore a lot, he beat people up, he would screw the authority…” he stopped. “But actually, he was the same, cute, emotional, hardworking Chuuya I love. Though the renegade Chuuya was really hot.”

“And one day, Dazai pissed of wrong people ran into the cafe I worked at,” Chuuya explained. “I helped him hide and then threw out the guys that were looking for him. Since they were not exactly willing to go, I had to beat them up a little.”

“So fucking hot,” Dazai repeated. “Then we started talking. We talked until Chuuya’s shift was over, then until the cafe closed and Chuuya’s boss was worried since we were still kids and she sent us home with a cup of tea.”

“I remember she made you something with mint. Must have been strong, all that evening you smelled of mint.”

“Says the guy who reeked of cheap tobacco all the time.”

“Of course we didn’t go home, we just sat by the sea after sunset just us and no one else. We both were in very vulnerable places with our lives back then, we were both more miserable than we were willing to show to our friends. We didn’t have to actually talk that much, we just understood each other.”

“And before we noticed it was already morning. Suddenly Chuuya had to destroy everything, deciding we have to go to school.”

“But Dazai didn’t leave me alone, he started coming to the cafe every day and hitting on me. Finally, I agreed and our first date was completely different from our first meeting. It was fun. Intense.”

“We ended up running away from the police at some point.”

 “And making out in the middle of the night in the docks.”

“Dazai insisted on getting matching tattoos but they checked our IDs so it didn’t work out.”

“We got henna instead. For our age, it was both lame and incredibly cool at the same time. But I guess it didn’t matter how that date went since I was already in love with Chuuya since that night by the sea.”

Chuuya stopped for a second before responding.

“Me too. I really love you even though your attempts to be funny, mean, evil or just an attention whore are really annoying.”

Dazai smiled, suddenly looking much more shy than usual. He slowly reached for Chuuya’s hand but before he touched it they were interrupted by a quiet sob.

They turned to see Atsushi trying to hold his tears.

“Sorry, “ he said with some already running down his cheeks. “It was just so beautiful.”

  He sniffed loudly.

“No, it wasn’t,” Chuuya protested.

“Anyway, ask Akutagawa if he wants to see a cow.”

***

“Fyodor, will you be okay on your own for few days?” Chuuya asked with worry sounding in his voice.

At first, Akutagawa wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about an adventure in the wild but he reconsidered it after listening to Fyodor’s irrational hate rant about Poland whole night long.

It seemed that Mickiewicz was getting even more popular and it made Fyodor do things they would never expect him to do.

That’s why Gin escaped to her stupid boyfriend Tachihara and Akutagawa decided to go for a vacation with Dazai and Chuuya. But this way Fyodor was suddenly left alone in the apartment and they all had a bad feeling about, however, for very different reasons.

“Don’t worry,” Fyodor was always strangely nice to Chuuya. “I will just invite a few friends and we’ll watch Eurovision together.”

“Will they be Russian?” Akutagawa asked.

“Don’t be a racist,” Chuuya scolded him.

“I just want to have a home to get back to,” Akutagawa sighed.

He watched as Chuuya pulled Fyodor into a long hug. Akutagawa never understood this friendship. Or how Fyodor was always way nicer to Chuuya than to the other people. Since Fyodor’s crush was rather obvious Akutagawa did expect him to be more polite around Chuuya but not to this extent. It turned out Chuuya didn’t even know that Fyodor didn’t like Poles.

“You can always call me when you'll get lonely,” Chuuya offered. “I promise I won’t let Dazai make fun of you.”

“I don’t trust your hat thief of a boyfriend,” Fyodor protested. “I don’t like him.”

“Who does?” Akutagawa mocked. “But I admire his intelligence.”

“Hey, I like Dazai,” Chuuya claimed. “Well, bye, Fyodor. Have fun with your friends!”

“Do not. Destroy. The house.” Akutagawa demanded in the most threatening way possible.

Fyodor smiled softly.

“I promise will keep your plants safe from harm.”

Akutagawa didn’t believe him in the slightest but he left along with Chuuya. He was actually very excited to see cows.

Only one thing bothered him quite a lot, something he and Gin talked earlier about. But he decided to not think about it that much. Or at least try.

***

Atsushi got his driving license just a few months ago but still, he was deemed the most trustworthy driver. Even though it was Dazai’s car, Dazai was too lazy to drive and everyone feared what would he do if they tried to force him.

Chuuya was driving too fast for his own good and Akutagawa was driving too slowly for anyone.

And that’s how Atsushi ended up behind the wheel. They barely left the city, there was still a long way to go. Akutagawa had stuck some strange device to the window and then plugged his phone to it.

Atsushi was almost scared to ask.

“Ryuu, what’s that?”

“My solar charger.”

“That’s really cool. Does it really work?”

“When there’s sun it does. That’s why in Fyodor’s room it didn’t work at all.”

“By the way, I wanted to ask you two about Fyodor,” Dazai cut in from the back seat. “Is he still hitting on Chuuya?”

“What?!” Chuuya was outraged. “Fyodor never hit on me!”

They all turned and stared at him. Well, except or Atsushi. After a quick glare, his eyes were back on the road since he was a safe driver.

“Seriously, Chuuya? You never noticed?” Akutagawa should be taken aback but he really wasn’t, actually, he did expect Chuuya to be this oblivious. “He wasn’t really subtle about it. He even put Atsushi’s flirting to shame,” he decided to exaggerate a little bit just because he could.

“Hey!” Atsushi protested. “You are my first boyfriend, okay? I have every reason to be a failure!”

“You are very cute, Atsushi,” Chuuya assured him. “And I still have no idea what you are talking about.”

“We are talking about Fyodor’s romantic French movie nights, among other things,” Akutagawa suggested.

“Those candles and wine were there because it suited the atmosphere of the movie!” Chuuya argued.

“Don’t worry, honey, it’s over now,” Dazai embraced Chuuya.

“I seriously think you are misinterpreting things,” he insisted. “Are you all making fun of me right now? Is it just one huge joke?”

“I wish. When Fyodor found out that you two got back together, he destroyed half of our living room. He cleaned up afterwards though. Well, Gogol and Ivan cleaned up he was just hiding in a corner covered in blankets,” Akutagawa said. “But he claims he’s all right now. He still wants Dazai to go to hell but he’s glad Chuuya is happy.”

“Am I actually happy?” Chuuya asked doubtfully, glaring at Dazai.

“Yes,” they all assured him in unison.

“You guys are terrible. I need better friends. And a better boyfriend.”

“Fyodor leaves socks everywhere,” Atsushi suddenly spoke up.

“And you let us know because?” Dazai tried to encourage him to continue.

“You know. Now I get why everyone thinks you two are really an awesome couple and I wanted to sabotage Fyodor just in case.”

“Seriously, Fyodor is just a friend!” Chuuya groaned. “And by talking about him you reminded me about these stupid Eurovision songs and I can’t get them out of my head now!”

Suddenly, they all shut up. They were all thinking about Eurovision songs. Dazai was the first to start humming the refrain of “The Great Improvisation”.

Akutagawa sighed and plucked his phone to the car’s speaker.

“Okay, which one do you want?”

“You’re such an asshole, Akutagawa,” Dazai rolled his eyes. “You seriously want us to pick one song?”

“Ryuu probably wanted to ask which one do you want first. Right, Ryuu?” Atsushi suggested, trying to help his boyfriend with human interaction.

Akutagawa just let out a long sigh.

“My dear kouhais, first play the French one because Chuuya likes it,” Dazai demanded. “Next, the Polish one because it’s the best.”

The car filled with George Sand’s strong, deep voice as she sang about her useless boyfriend Chopin who, ironically, was the one composing all of her music.

Chuuya loved that duo and since he discovered them, thanks to Fyodor and Eurovision. Now he could spend hours on youtube watching interviews with them and their concerts. And he talked about it a lot.

Atsushi was pretty sure by now he knew more about George Sand and Chopin’s relationship than he knew about his own.

“Actually I have a whole playlist of George’s songs, can we listen to it later?” Chuuya asked.

“Maybe. If we ever finish listening to all Eurovision’s songs,” Akutagawa agreed.

They ended up singing “The Great Improvisation” for over an hour. Whenever it ended, they just played it from the beginning. They couldn’t let go, it was too awesome. Even Chuuya forgot about his great need to hear George’s voice when Mickiewicz was singing.

Chapter Text

EUROVISION ARC PART 2 - The Cow

They all knew that Dazai’s family was rich but they did not expect a huge Japanese-style villa and servants inside. Well, Dazai insisted that they were employees but in his friends’ opinions, it was just a figure of speech.

Apparently, most of the said employees and whole Dazai’s family already knew and loved Chuuya.

Even Dazai’s stern-looking aunt had a soft spot for him. As soon as they entered, she pulled Chuuya in a bone-crushing hug.

“Chuuya-kun! We were so glad to hear that you were coming over! Shuuji kept pretending you were busy for years! We thought you didn’t like us anymore!”

Chuuya sent Dazai a disappointed glare.

“I’m terribly sorry. I really wanted to visit, just something always came up.”

“Don’t overwork yourself, honey! Shuuji always complains that you work too much and we are so worried about you,” she patted his cheek. “You are so skinny! Shuuji! Are you even taking him out for a proper dinner every once in a while?!”

Dazai approached them, suddenly wrapped his arms around Chuuya’s waist and stole him away.

“It’s just Chuuya’s clothes. They are terrible, they always make him look worse than he is.”

“Are you saying under those I’m fat?” an angry scowl appeared on Chuuya’s face.

“Chuuya-kun always dresses so stylishly, you should praise him, Shuuji,” Dazai’s aunt scolded him. “And you didn’t introduce your other friends, shame on you!”

“Well, you know Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. Mrs. Akutagawa’s son. The one I have known forever.”

“I almost didn’t recognize you! Oh my, your skin is perfect! What are you doing with it? Oh my god, wait…” she touched his cheek and then Chuuya’s again. “I thought Chuuya’s skin was always naturally perfect but you two use the same cosmetics, don’t you? What is it?!”

“We use homemade aloe gel. I make it myself,” Akutagawa said.

“Well, you have to give me the recipe! Shuuji, why didn’t you join them? You could be pretty like Chuuya!”

“No one is pretty like Chuuya,” Dazai sighed.

“Well, at least Akutagawa-kun is clearly trying! And who’s the new face?”

Atsushi tightened the grip on his bag. This lady was nice. He wanted her to like him.

“I’m Nakajima Atsushi. I’m dating Akutagawa,” he introduced himself quietly, looking down at his shoes.

“Well, isn’t that nice,” she smiled. “Shuuji, apparently you are Akutagawa-kun’s senpai in yet another thing, maybe you should be a little bit more of someone to look up to? At least take our lovely Chuuya-kun for dinner sometime so he is not so skinny! Nakajima-kun, you look thin but not as starving as Chuuya, did Akutagawa-kun take you out, even though my nephew served as such a poor example?”

“Ryuu actually cooks,” Atsushi blushed, feeling a little overwhelmed. “A lot.”

He never was good with families, especially the carrying ones. He had close to no experience when it came to them.

“Shuuji, can you even cook? I will sign you up for some classes.”

“I don’t really need them, right, Chuuya?”

Chuuya escaped his grasp and hugged Dazai’s aunt instead.

“Thank you. He really needs them. Last night he offered to make me a dinner since I was working late. And it turned out to be a cup ramen.”

“Shuuji!” she gasped. “You need to take better care of Chuuya or he will break up with you!”

“Actually…” Chuuya didn’t like lying so it seemed like he wanted to tell Dazai’s aunt that they already have broken up once.

“Dear aunt, maybe I will take them all for a walk? We could use a stretch after the ride,” Dazai interrupted before Chuuya destroyed all his hard work at hiding their break up.

“That’s a terrific idea! Just change your shoes, dears, the countryside doesn’t have the pavements you are so used to. We will get the dinner ready  while you’re gone.”

Just fifteen minutes later they were marching through the meadow to get to the nearby farm so Akutagawa could see a cow for the first time.

Atsushi wondered how was it possible that Akutagawa had been here before but he hasn’t seen the cow before. He was pretty sure it was due to Akutagawa’s hate for any physical activity like walking.

Chuuya and Dazai were going first since they knew the way. Atsushi and Akutagawa kept a distance so they wouldn’t get caught up in their fight. It was loud.

“I cannot believe you haven’t told your family we have broken up!”

“But look! We’re back together now, so I didn’t really have to!”

“Two years, Dazai! Two years! How did you even manage to do that?”

“I admit, it was hard at first, especially since you leaving was one of the worst moments of my life but I couldn’t tell them because I couldn’t even say it out loud. And then you started talking to me again so pretending got way too easy.”

“Oh god.”

“Yeah, I would call them and complain about your new ugly hat and stuff like that.”

“I should have gotten together with Fyodor.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t. Have you ever thought about how I would destroy your any other relationship?”

“Pfff… You could try. Fyodor would totally outsmart you.”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Yes, he wouldn’t! And he actually likes my hats!”

“It’s because he’s a hat person too! And his hats are much softer than yours!”

“Those are winter hats, of course, they are soft! But you wouldn’t know since you never wear them, you get sick and I have to take care of you!”

“And make me chicken soup!” Dazai said louder so Akutagawa wouldn’t miss that part.

“Please,” Akutagawa glared at him. “Shut up, senpai.”

Dazai and Chuuya kept arguing but Atsushi was focused on Akutagawa. He’s been weird all day. Atsushi thought that maybe he was worried about the countryside but here they were and Akutagawa’s mood didn’t change.

Atsushi expected to complain about the air. About walking. About insects since Akutagawa didn’t like insects to be close to him. He wasn’t even that excited to see the cows even though Dazai had ensured him that it was one of those farms were cows lived happily and every day they were eating fresh grass and walking a lot.

Something was wrong with Akutagawa. And Akutagawa wasn’t talking to him which meant it was either serious or about their relationship. Or both at the same time.

Actually, Akutagawa was the type of person that didn’t restrain himself when he needed to say something hurtful or complain. Something was really off.

“Are you excited about the cows, Ryuu?” Atsushi tried.

“Yes.”

And that was all.

“But you won’t do something weird like adopt a cow, right?” Atsushi tried to joke.

“A cat.”

“What?”

“I don’t think a cow would fit in any house I would have in the future. A cat would.”

“Can you adopt a cat that looks like a tiger and call him ‘Jinko’?” Atsushi smiled. “It would be awesome.”

Akutagawa was finally talking to him. About cats. It made Atsushi happy.

“No.”

And there Atsushi’s hope for normal conversation went.

“Really?”

“I couldn’t name him ‘Jinko’, then you two wouldn’t know who am I calling.”

Atsushi’s smile was back on. Akutagawa was weird, Atsushi was always scared to talk about the future with him since Akutagawa had so many crazy rules and plans that could endanger their relationship.

Of course, when things were finally working out, Dazai had to interrupt.

“Guys, you will never believe that! Chuuya has his own Russian Harem!”

“I do not!”

It looked like Dazai was finally figuring out how deeply involved Chuuya was in slav squad.

“He’s been texting Fyodor and Gogol during our fight!”

“Fyodor was texting me about Fryderyk and George! And Gogol is stressing out because Fyodor invited him over and he doesn’t know what to wear! It’s just a fashion advice!”

“Well, Chuuya goes with Fyodor to slav parties all the time,” Akutagawa pointed out.

“But,” Atsushi was doubtful. “I remember when we were doing inventory one time and Chuuya has spent an hour complaining that Fyodor’s friends don’t like him.”

“They didn’t like me because half of them is crushing on Fyodor,” Chuuya explained. “Or they really worry about him and they didn’t trust me since I was Dazai’s ex. Surprisingly enough, they started really liking me when I got back together with that asshole. Which now makes sense. Thanks for destroying the purity of my friendship.”

“We all thought you noticed, senpai. I think even our neighbors noticed and they barely know Fyodor exists. First weeks they thought I and Gin had an imaginary friend,” Akutagawa shared.

“I fucking hate you all.”

***

Free cows were amazing.

“This cow is bigger than the one from the chocolate commercial,” Akutagawa stated, staring into cows eyes. “They all are. But this one is enormous.”

“First of all, she’s real and not a cartoon character. And also, it’s pregnant,” Dazai explained.

“Senpai, you always know so much. I admire your knowledge. If cows are such majestic creatures, why don’t they raise up and overthrow the human race?”

“They are too slow. Both physically and intellectually.”

“What if they allied with elephants and lynxes? I bet they could win.”

“I want to play a game about that uprising,” Atsushi confessed. “Or at least read a manga.”

“There’s probably already a webtoon about it already,” Chuuya said, not really paying attention since he was texting his befriended slav squad.

Akutagawa didn’t care. He just enjoyed watching the cow in front of him. Such a majestic, beautiful creature.

It didn’t look like it was suffering at all. He wished all the cows could live freely like that.

He needed to fight the mass production of milk. He would fight it, he would finish school, become an environmental lawyer and set all the cows free.

The cow seemed to acknowledge him. It lowered its head showing its respect.

He had nature’s blessing on this mission. Now he could not fail.

“Ryuu,” Atsushi interrupted, destroying the mood. “Ryuu,” he repeated in a more panicked voice.

“What the hell do you want, Jinko?”

 “It’s eating your scarf.”

He immediately looked down. Atsushi was right. His favorite scarf was getting devoured. He tried to pull it out but the cow wasn’t willing to let go.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

Dazai was laughing.

“Chuuya! I told you this would happen! Now you have to buy me a dinner!”

“It’s still not done with it! Fight! Fight for that scarf, Akutagawa!” Chuuya urged him.

Akutagawa pulled once more and the cow actually reacted strongly this time around. It moved forward and made Akutagawa lose his balance. Atsushi immediately was there for him, helping him up.

They couldn’t do anything. The cow slowly devoured Akutagawa’s favorite scarf.

Akutagawa was shocked by this betrayal. He had never expected it. Neither did he expect the cows to be that slow and lazy as they were in reality. And mean.

He refused to talk to any of his friends, especially to Atsushi, on their way back. He felt like cows backstabbed him, piercing straight through his heart.

“I feel cheated,” he confessed finally, after almost an hour of silence, just before dinner when they were seated but still waited for Dazai’s family to come.

“But you’re not starting to eat cheese in revenge, right?” Atsushi asked to make sure.

“Of course not.”

“Good. I don’t think I could be with someone who eats cheese,” Atsushi stated. “I hate cheese.”

“You two deserve each other,” Chuuya said pouring himself another glass of wine.

“Honey, don’t drink wine,” Dazai scolded him.

“It’s my wine. I brought it here.”

“I know. You found it in my flat. I actually bought it at Little Ladybug.”

“With my discount.”

“What I’m getting at is that we’re on vacation. You should drink this.”

Dazai poured him a cup of moonshine.

“My uncle made it. It’s amazing.”

“It stinks.”

“Sake always stinks. Drink up,” he encouraged him.

“If you are trying to get me drunk so I will have sex with you, it’s not going to happen. I’m still mad at you for not telling your family.”

“Damn.”

Akutagawa didn’t care about their problems. He had much bigger ones on his hand. And he wished that educating the cows was the biggest of them.

“Ryuu, I’m really sorry about the cows,” Atsushi kept going.

“They do deserve their freedom. They are so starved for it that they went for my hipster scarf.”

This time Akutagawa knew he was just making excuses. But Atsushi still treated him seriously. He really admired Atsushi for that.

“Tomorrow we’ll go visit them again and it will go better,” he promised.

Akutagawa smiled. He decided that he will watch cat videos with Atsushi before going to sleep. He wanted to make him happy.

Finally, Dazai’s family arrived and the dinner started. They served a lot of meat. Akutagawa didn’t feel like he had the energy to start a fight today and fortunately, Dazai quickly switched few plates so all the plates near him and Atsushi were vegan. It still pissed him of that the meat was there but for once, since he was a tired guest, he decided to  let it slide.

“Ryuu, I’m seriously worried about you,” Atsushi whispered when everyone else was focused on Dazai’s hard work in Music Academy. Or rather lack of it since Dazai did everything in his power to achieve the maximum outcome of the minimal effort.

“I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not. Meat is right there. Normally you would at least tell them off.”

“I didn’t want to be impolite.”

Atsushi glared at him. He knew it was all a lie, Akutagawa had no doubt about it.

“Hey, let’s watch cat videos tonight.”

“Are you dying?” Atsushi was dead serious.

“What? No.”

“Did the cow hit you when I wasn’t looking?”

“Seriously, no.”

“Okay. Then, let’s watch cat videos after dinner.”

In the end, it didn’t work out. Since Atsushi was lovely and adored, and strangely skilled at fixing things, Dazai’s uncle used him as help since they needed to fix a lamp in the basement.

Since Akutagawa wasn’t in a mood for small talk, he went for a walk. It was nice and calm. The air was clear, it was much easier to breathe than in the city.

And no plastic in his sight.

He just wished he could experience it to the full extent.

He sat down next to a tree and looked at the fields below him. Fortunately, he came prepared, and he sat down on a blanket so no dirt had access to him. He wished someone in his family had a farm or at least villa in the countryside. Then he could get his vegetables there.

But he couldn’t cultivate the ground by himself. Worms were disgusting. Not to mention he didn’t have clothes, and he didn’t really see himself buying them in the future.

He laid down. Sun was still low on the horizon but stars were already starting to appear. There was much more than in the city.

The crickets were terribly loud. Still, they couldn’t shut his mind up and his thoughts slowly drifted to what was really bothering him. And he didn’t like it in the slightest.

Fortunately, Dazai chose this moment to disturb him.

“Akutagawa-kun!” he cheerfully greeted him and sat down next to him on the blanket. “Chuuya’s so mean today! He was bathing and he told me I can’t go in! That’s why tomorrow we should go to the onsen.”

“You see Chuuya naked almost every day. Or at least you’re saying you do. But I always suspected you were exaggerating.”

“It doesn’t matter. I think I would be happy if I could ogle him freely in an onsen. I already checked online and with my aunt, there is one close. You two are coming with, right?”

“I guess so.”

For several minutes they just watched stars in silence. Dazai was the first one to speak up.

“Akutagawa, actually… what is wrong? You know you can talk to me.”

Surprisingly enough, it was true. From time to time, Dazai was strangely dependable. That’s why Akutagawa wasn’t surprised when words came out of his mouth rather easily.

“Gin is moving out. She wants to live with that idiot trash Tachihara. I was pissed about it at first but it’s her life so she can do it if she wants. Though, I still think sooner or later he will cheat on her or something.”

“He probably won’t. But go on.”

“She told me, I should get rid of our beds and get a bigger one so I and Atsushi can sleep more comfortably. And that I should ask him to move in with me.”

“Atsushi is really in love with you so you shouldn’t worry about him agreeing.”

“That’s not it. I know he’ll move in the same day I ask him it’s just…” he stopped and took a deep breath. “I think I’m more bearable in small doses. I know I’m weird and mean. I wouldn’t want to date me but somehow he’s happy doing so. I don’t want to push my luck here. And also with you and Chuuya things got worse soon after moving in together and then you broke up so...”

“We broke up for many different reasons that are our own. You and Atsushi will be okay.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I am even willing to ally with Fyodor to keep you two together. I think you two are really good for each other.”

“Thanks.”

“Also, I think Atsushi is a lot like Chuuya. They both are warm, carrying, sassy when it’s needed and have a high tolerance for weirdos like you and I.”

“You can later tell Chuuya that you helped me. He will be proud.”

“Nah. I don’t think so.”

“Nah?”

“Nah. So, tomorrow, we try out with the cows again, just don’t wear your favorite coat, just in case. Then, we will help a little with harvesting cherries and after that, we’ll rest in the onsen.”

“Sounds like a good plan. Will I have gloves? I don’t really want to touch dirty cherries.”

“We’ll find you something. And after dinner, you do something romantic with Atsushi and ask him to move in with you.”

“I will.”

“It’s getting cold. We should head back.”

“Yes, we should.”

“Let’s have a chicken baked in one of those thermal plastic bags,” Dazai proposed and received a deadly glare.

“Senpai. What the hell.”

“I was just checking if you are really listening or just agreeing with me,” Dazai winked.

They stood up and started walking back. That’s when Akutagawa discovered that his favorite, long, vampire coat somehow got dirty and now stunk of dirty mud.

Nature was a cruel, backstabbing force.

Chapter Text

EUROVISION PART 3 - Cats

The following day, Akutagawa had been even further traumatized by the cows. They had cruelly chased him around the field. When he had been utterly defeated by his own stamina, he just collapsed on the ground. They had surrounded him and mooed at him loudly, not allowing any rest.

Fortunately, he came prepared, dressed in some old clothes, so at least he wasn’t too upset that they got dirty to the extent that it was beyond possible to ever clean them up completely.

He wasn’t the only one who ended up running. A black bull didn’t take a liking to Atsushi and was very kin on the idea of tarrying him. Atsushi ended up climbing on a tree like a real to escape it. Akutagawa noticed that Atsushi was very apt at climbing.

At least, the cherries were good. It turned out that Akutagawa couldn’t go up and harvest them since he definitely wasn’t good with ladders. He was convinced that the ladder would fall causing him to die painfully. He stated that Atsushi had a much bigger chance of survival since he was partially a cat and his bones were less fragile. Also, the incident with the bull made him unyielding and sure Atsushi was the right person to climb trees in his stead.

Still, Akutagawa enjoyed getting food the natural way. He was happy those cherries had never experienced the touch of plastic.

 They were all too tired to even think about going to the onsen. They just returned to their rooms and collapsed on futons. Dazai mumbled something about how much he wants to go and that he will drive everyone to the onsen after a short nap but then he fell asleep for good.

Dazai’s uncle woke them up only a few minutes before the late dinner was ready.

Suddenly, Dazai was all over Akutagawa. It made him profoundly uncomfortable since Dazai didn’t change and his clothes were covered in dirt but on the other hand, he was happy to get his favorite senpai’s attention.

“I’m so sorry, my sweet kouhai. I fell asleep and now all your plans for a romantic proposal must have been ruined.”

“They really weren’t.”

“Yes, they are! But don’t give up!”

Akutagawa was glad that Atsushi and Chuuya had been called by Dazai’s aunt and they weren’t anywhere close enough to overhear that.

“Fine, I’ll ask him tonight.”

“Great. But don’t go to the spot I met you yesterday. I’m taking Chuuya there.”

Akutagawa blinked. Of course, Dazai wouldn’t even walk without a hidden purpose. He should have seen that one coming.

“We should go, senpai. Unless you want to change,” Akutagawa suggested, looking down at Dazai’s sweatpants.

“What’s the point? It’s evening already,” Dazai stated.

“Chuuya,” Akutagawa suggested.

“Chuuya didn’t change into something better either. By the way, he looked so cute in this old band T-shirt and worn-out jeans. Reminds me of high school.”

“I remember that T-shirt. He was wearing it when he first met me. He came over to our school, I yelled at some guy for trashing the floor with paper, he yelled back, Chuuya came in, since the guy was bigger, he clearly thought the guy was bullying me, so he kicked him in the shin with his combat boots, the guy started crying and picked up his trash.”

Suddenly, the door slid open.

“You never told me you were the bad guy there,” Chuuya appeared.

“Come on, Chuuya. Look at Akutagawa. He is the bad guy in most cases,” Dazai giggled.

Chuuya sighed.

“Anyway, your aunt pretty much called me just to call you. And she wanted me to be the one telling you that tomorrow more of your family is coming over, we have to wear nice yukatas and you’ll do a concert. She thought you will be more willing to do that if I ask you.”

Dazai looked at the door, clearly thinking about running away. Chuuya looked like he wanted to punch him.

“Don’t even think about it. I asked you. You have to. You promised me to do things like that if I ask you.”

“I didn’t do anything yet. But do I really have to?”

“Yes.”

Akutagawa hated parties. It wasn’t only because of the people. It was mainly the food. It was never vegan.

“Dazai, will your aunt let me and Atsushi borrow the kitchen so there is something vegan I can eat?”

“Why don't you just ask the cook to make it?” Dazai was puzzled.

“God, you are such a spoiled rich boy,” Chuuya complained. “Good thing at home you actually do chores.”

“Well, before we broke up, you always got pissed at me for not doing them so I thought I would learn to make you happy. I even went back to my parent's mansion so their servants could teach me.”

“This makes so much sense,” Akutagawa gasped. “Last year you suddenly started washing dishes when I fed you.”

Without bothering that Akutagawa was still there, Chuuya captured Dazai’s lips in a tender kiss. Taught by many traumatizing experiences, Akutagawa stood up and immediately left the room since he didn’t want to just sit there and watch them make out. He made the right call, they didn’t come to the dining room for almost a quarter more.

After dinner, Chuuya and Dazai went out for a walk. Akutagawa and Atsushi decided to stay in, lock down the room, cover themselves with blankets and play Atsushi’s new game, in which you had to help cats overcome various obstacles and overthrow the human race.

Akutagawa liked this game. He liked punishing those filthy meat-eaters even though it was just a game. Moreover, the cats’ governance promised new, eco-friendly society, he could relate to that. They were planning on leaving some humans be but only the ones worthy.

 Also, Atsushi’s strongest cat was very cool. Of course, he looked like a tiger but a white one. It was badass and strong. Atsushi always sent him after the most annoying humans, to Akutagawa’s pleasure.

“Hey, Atsushi,” he started, thinking how much he liked to spend time with him and that it would be nice to live with him. “I think you have a level high enough to destroy that lab that was testing cosmetics on animals.”

“You think so? Well, I should trust you. We don’t really play together but Fyodor told me you’re good at games.”

“Really? Fyodor?”

“He also told me you are a slaughtering machine. Like you always turn on the gore mode and watch your enemy’s die slowly in pain. Or make the enemy think they can defeat you because they have a huge army but actually your small army is so leveled up that you kill them in a few moves and smile.”

“It’s not true. I’m very professional when it comes down to slaughtering my enemies in games.”

Atsushi giggled.

“Whatever you say. It’s just a pity there’s no multiplayer, I would love to play with you sometime.”

“There are other games we can play.”

Atsushi smiled at him.

“You just want to slaughter me too.”

“You have no idea how much, Jinko,” Akutagawa said with a serious face, staring right into Atsushi’s eyes.

Atsushi leaned in and planted a small kiss on Akutagawa’s cheek.

“I would much rather we allied against Fyodor. He looks like a person that you’d need a whole army to take down,” Atsushi said pensively while petting his favorite cat in the game. “And I mean a really good army.”

“I think if we worked together we could win,” Akutagawa stated.

“But we would need to practice a lot. Do you really not mind me being over so often? I really hate my dorm. And, well, I like you.”

“Atsushi, if you hate it, don’t apply for dorm next semester. Just move in with me,” Akutagawa blurted out suddenly.

He knew he should have been more romantic. But he taking his awkwardness into account it was one of the best ways of asking Atsushi that he could attempt.

And it made Atsushi almost drop his laptop. He carefully put it aside and paused the game. He turned to face Akutagawa.

“You realize your room is really small, and with Gin, it would be three of us there?”

“Gin wants to live with that asshole, Tachihara. I don’t think they will break up anytime soon. She even told me to get rid of our old beds and get a bigger one so we could fit.”

“Oh.”

“I’m getting a bigger bed no matter what you say. So don’t feel obliged.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to say yes or anything,” Akutagawa insisted. “Really. I’m happy, with how things are between us.”

Atsushi was shaking. Akutagawa was terrified. What if he did something wrong? What if he had committed some social faux pas that would destroy everything Atsushi wanted.

When he saw tears in Atsushi’s eyes he knew that he screwed up badly. He tried to apologize but before he even said a world, Atsushi interrupted him.

“Shut up, Akutagawa. I’m moving in.”

Not exactly knowing what to do, he got up and searched for tissues. When he found them, he sat back next to Atsushi who’s crying got even worse and passed him the box.

It was very much needed.

Akutagawa wished Gin, Dazai or even Kyouka were there to tell him what to do. He thought even Fyodor would handle this situation better than he was.

He considered giving Atsushi a hug but it seemed a little bit invasive. He also didn’t have the slightest idea why would Atsushi be crying if not because he didn’t really want to live with him.

And thinking about it was even more painful than he expected.

“Are you crying because you don’t really want to do it?” he asked.

Atsushi glared at him with angry, teary eyes.

“Of course I want to, you idiot.”

“Then why are you sad?” Akutagawa was even more confused.

Atsushi took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, if even a little. His sobbing got better and he wasn’t shaking so much anymore.

“I’m not sad. Just… got very emotional. And you can hug me if you want to,” he suggested.

Akutagawa blessed Atsushi for understanding that he was socially awkward and even in this situation he remembered that and told Akutagawa what to do.

Atsushi leaned into his hold and Akutagawa tenderly stroked his hair for a quite long time. Finally, Atsushi stopped crying and straightened up to look at Akutagawa.

Akutagawa waited.

“It’s just that…” Atsushi bit his lip and gulped. “So, you know that I’m an orphan, right?”

Akutagawa nodded. Atsushi didn’t like to talk about this part of his life so he guessed it must have been pretty relevant to the current situation since he was bringing it up.

“I don’t really remember how living with my parents was and the orphanage was a pretty crappy place, dorms are almost as bad, and in both of those places, I felt like I didn’t belong there or that no one would be sad if I were gone. I never had a home, Ryuu,” he said. “And I never really thought that I would have one with the guy I love in the near future.”

Akutagawa froze. Atsushi continued, clearly, he didn’t even notice he just confessed his love for the first time.

“So this is really big for me. I don’t care if my home is just a small room, I’m so, so happy to share it with you.”

“You love me,” Akutagawa repeated still in shock.

Atsushi blinked.

“Of course I love you.”

“But… why?”

“Well… I guess I just do,” Atsushi smiled softly and kissed him.

Akutagawa was terrified because he was starting to think that he actually might love Atsushi back.

***

Soon, it turned out that Akutagawa was quiet and patient mostly because he was bothered about asking Atsushi to move in with him. When this problem disappeared, he complained a lot.

He complained about walking. About the sun. Especially, about the crickets.  

The following day, they visited cows again. Strangely enough, they had taken quite liking to Akutagawa this time around. They licked him and demanded to be scratched.

 Later, they had to meet rest of Dazai’s family, none of whom knew about his and Chuuya’s breakup. It made Chuuya mad but fortunately, soon after Dazai’s show, George and Chopin were performing at Eurovision so he snuck out of the party just to watch it. If not for the fact that all the attention had been focused on him, Dazai would probably follow him.

Chuuya returned to the party, dragged his friends aside, happily announced that both George Sand and Mickiewicz made it to the grand finale. He also claimed that Fyodor’s party went completely wild and even showed them few pictures dancing Gogol that Fyodor had sent him.

Akutagawa almost didn’t recognize the room. That’s when he understood.

“The grand finale. They will destroy everything if Russia or Poland wins. We need to stop them,” he was dead serious.

“What do you mean?”

“Look. It’s just the third day. And the lamp is not there. And that’s not my couch.”

They looked at the picture up close.

“Oh god,” Chuuya whispered.

“But at least they look really happy..?” Atsushi suggested.

“That picture was taken before Mickiewicz’s performance,” Dazai pointed out.

Since they started talking Chuuya received at least ten new messages from Gogol. Akutagawa never noticed they were that close.

But he had more important things to worry about.

“We need to stop them.”

“I just got that couch and lamp,” Atsushi mentioned sadly. “I never got to use them as mine.”

“Tomorrow, they will do close to nothing but the grand finale is the thing we should definitely worry about,” Akutagawa continued. “Chuuya-senpai. Please. Let me unleash your boyfriend on them. I really want a home to go back to.”

Chuuya sighed and glared at Dazai who was smiling innocently.

“You can share your plan and we’ll see,” Chuuya decided.

Dazai looked like he got a new toy.

“Can I help you with Gogol first? He’s really been texting you a lot lately.”

“No,” Chuuya was unyielding.

“If you change your mind, come to me,” Dazai winked to Chuuya flirtatiously. “I’m the answer to all your trouble, Chuuya.”

“And causing half of it. The plan, Dazai.”

“Okay,” Dazai again got this creepy look of a cruel mastermind. “To win against a slav party, we need to destroy it from the inside.”

“You literally make no sense. You cannot destroy a slav party this way.”

“Exactly. It can’t be a slav party anymore. This way, even if Mickiewicz wins, we’ll be able to save the apartment in time, call the fire department or whatever is needed.”

They all blinked. Dazai was clearly having a good idea.

“We need to decrease the percentage of slavs during the party. We’ll invite people over, it’s Saturday, they will come.”

“You are telling me that to protect my apartment from a party,” Akutagawa said, “I have to throw even a bigger party.”

“Exactly!”

“Senpai,” Akutagawa was truly taken aback. “You’re such a genius.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“As stupid as it sounds, it’s not a bad idea,” he admitted. “We can invite responsible people like Ango, Lucy, Kyouka and Odasaku. Akutagawa, tell Gin to come with Tachihara, he’s got friends in the police, it might come in handy.”

“ I do not want that man-trash in my house,” Akutagawa cut in.

“He was there already. A lot of times. Just do not invite too many people or it will be a disaster,” Chuuya reminded them. “An utter, complete disaster.”

“Okay,” they all agreed.

“And Dazai, please, make Odasaku leave Gide at home. I’m cutting classes now, you know.”

“André doesn’t care.”

“I care. And it’s awkward as hell.”

Akutagawa was sure André would be invited anyway.

Chapter Text

EUROVISION ARC PART 4 - The Slav Party with the decreased density of the slav factor.

Fyodor was happy when Chuuya told him that they would make it back in time to see the grand finale together. Gogol, on the other hand, went wild. He was texting Chuuya at the speed of light. Apparently, mainly, he was asking Chuuya for advice when it came down to impressing Fyodor. Who was probably sitting next to Gogol most of the time.

Finally, Chuuya gave in and passed the phone to begging Dazai because it was too much to handle even for him.

Dazai’s texts were miraculous, although his evil smirk disturbed them a little bit. Gogol started texting much, much less after just a few minutes of Dazai texting him.

As soon as Gogol went quiet, Dazai promptly deleted the whole his and Gogol’s conversation from Chuuya’s phone which was even more suspicious.

Cows had really bonded with Akutagawa over these few days. So much, that they didn’t want him to leave. Farmer forced a bottle of fresh milk onto Akutagawa, explaining to him, that it’s a parting gift from the cows and they want him to enjoy it.

It was the first time since he was fifteen that Akutagawa has drunk milk. Atsushi made them a chocolate milkshake of it. At first, Akutagawa thought he was going to die but then it turned out to be quite tasty.

Akutagawa was coming back to Yokohama even more determined to liberate all the cows living in the mass production settlements. However, since the car drive was quite long, his enthusiasm for the fight started to lessen and sleepiness was taking him over. Atsushi tried talking with him but Dazai and Chuuya weren’t helping since they soundly dozed off in the back for the sake of ‘power nap before the party’ as Dazai put it.

Before he even noticed, he joined them.

The first thing he saw was a lovely face that belonged to his angry boyfriend.

“Akutagawa, you asshole, wake up.”

He blinked a few times. The light was cruel on his eyes but when he got used to it, he noticed that they weren’t home. They were in front of Little Ladybug.

“You left me alone and went to sleep,” Atsushi complained. “That drive was terrible, Chuuya mumbles weird things when he’s asleep and Dazai sings. He fucking sings in his sleep. That’s why you owe me to go there and spend a huge part of your scholarship on alcohol and snacks so we can all have a nice party, don’t you think?”

Akutagawa tried not to but he had to yawn right in the middle of Atsushi’s talk. Unfortunately, he gave in to his urges in the end. Atsushi’s glare could kill when he did yawn.

 “I truly despise you right now,” Atsushi stated.

Akutagawa yawned again. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay here, maybe even cuddle with Atsushi since he looked so comfortable to lay down on. He looked around to find something that would help him to stay.

He found a box of tissues. Without thinking it over too much, he threw it on Dazai with violent force.

“Oi. Dazai. Go buy alcohol for the slav party.”

To his and Atsushi’s surprise, Dazai rose and rolled out of the car. He even pulled Chuuya with him, grabbing him by hand.

“Come, Chuuya, I’ll buy vodka and wine.”

Atsushi and Akutagawa watched them trespass the parking lot in a clumsy, sleepy way. Akutagawa hoped no car would kill them on the way to Little Ladybug door. When they reached it safely, he felt relieved.

“Hey, do you want to have a nap in the back?” Akutagawa suggested.

Atsushi was still pissed but Akutagawa knew that he would stay mad for long, it was Atsushi after all.

“Fine,” he agreed. “But I’m cuddling the shit out of you and you can’t complain.”

“Fine,” Akutagawa nodded.

They locked the door and moved to the back. Akutagawa went back to sleep immediately, he almost didn’t feel Atsushi squeezing and crushing him. Atsushi always slept like a cat. On him, never caring about his comfort.

Akutagawa had a strange dream. He dreamt that Dazai actually drove the car home and no one died. Then all of them had to carry a lot of heavy boxes full of vodka and wine, even some with juice and snacks.

When they reached the corridor in front of his apartment, the strange dream turned into a nightmare. He almost dropped the wine he was holding when he saw a long line of empty bottles leading from his door to the elevator. They were everywhere.

Fortunately, Atsushi was there for him. He dropped to his knees and quickly assessed the bottles. Then, he got up and smiled in a truly heartwarming way.

“Don’t worry, Ryuu. They can be recycled. All of them. Everything will be okay.”

Akutagawa almost believed him. But then he heard a noise. A noise his mind could not have made up on his own because even after living with Fyodor for years, he did not speak Russian at all.

And there was shouting in Russian. Loud, angry, probably including too many swear words. Near him, Chuuya gasped.

“Oh, God. Is this Fyodor?” he asked in disbelief. There was even more yelling. “I… didn’t know Fyodor swore.”

They all turned to look at Chuuya, who seemed to be heartbroken. They didn’t even want to hit him even harder with their glares.

“It’s all Mickiewicz’s fault, Chuuya. He brings out something else in Fyodor,” Atsushi tried to comfort him.

Akutagawa knew that it wasn’t only Mickiewicz. But he was too sleepy to destroy Chuuya’s reality further right now. He needed his yerba mate.

He pushed the door open. Fyodor saw them and shut up in a matter of seconds. Rage boiling in his eyes disappeared. His lips curved into a soft, kind smile.

“Chuuya!”

“Belka!”

The whole Slav Squad that had gathered in the room rushed to crush Chuuya in a loving hug. Akutagawa could swear he saw Fyodor smirk at Dazai's stupefied face when it happened.

Something was off. Akutagawa felt like being watched. He looked around the room expecting another guest. He was there, in the laptop screen on the coffee table next to the TV. It was a new coffee table. The previous one was a cheap IKEA one, and this one look like made from good wood and obviously had a strong construction. Unfortunately, it was dirty, it looked like a lot of things had been spilled on it. Akutagawa hoped cleaning it up wouldn’t be too hard.

In the laptop screen, a man with long hair and exceptionally pretty face was pouring himself a glass of green drink that probably was absinthe.

He knew that man, it was Chuuya’s dad, the guy who adopted him around the time Chuuya started high school. But why was having a video call with slav squad? Dazai rushed to greet him as soon as he put down the box of alcohol he was carrying.

“Hello, Rimbaud-san. How’s your day?” he said calmly, sitting down on the couch in front of the computer.

“Well, well, isn’t this my possible future son-in-law,” Rimbaud sounded very doubtful. “I was just telling those cute boys about the time I was a spy in Moscow, you know...” he explained.

Dazai smiled with amusement completely ignoring the fact that clearly, Rimbaud didn’t trust him.

“Of course I remember, although, I prefer the story about the gunfight in Bruxelles... How’s Paul, by the way?”

“That’s Paul-san for you, boy, you lost all your privileges when you broke my little Chuuya’s heart and I’m not giving them back yet.”

“Arthur, don’t be like that,” Fyodor returned to the couch. “Dazai was just worried about Paul’s health probably.”

Akutagawa sighed. He was sure Fyodor constructed that sentence just because he wanted to brag that he did have the privileges Dazai didn’t.  

Gogol immediately was right next to Fyodor, jumping over the couch to sit by his side.

“Those spy stories were amazing, they reminded me about that wonderful time I had running away from immigration police last week,” he mentioned with longing sounding in his voice. “Those were the times!”

“In Japan, they are easy to run away from. But when I and Paul were hiding from immigration police on a deserted ship that was once in a lifetime experience. Paul, love! You remember when we were hiding on a boat when we were spies in Sankt Petersburg?”

A few seconds later Paul Verlaine, a gentleman that looked surprisingly good with his mustache appeared in the screen with a cup of coffee.

“Of course I remember. We thought that we were going to die but then you bumped into the shelf full of some suspicious alcohol. We had some because we were on the edge of life and death and we needed it. You got really drunk and spilled a whole bottle trying to joke that the ship should get drunk too. Later, when those who were chasing us caught up, we used the alcohol to set the whole ship on fire and escape.”

“That’s a fascinating story,” Dazai flattered them.

Akutagawa had no idea if the stories Rimbaud and Verlaine were true or not but always they were really precise and consistent. He had his general doubts about them being spies at all but if they were, they were amazing.

“Dad?” Chuuya finally realized what was going on. “Paul? Why are you guys drinking with my friends?”

“Arthur is trying to be a cool dad,” Paul winked.

“Shut up, I’m a cool dad,” Rimbaud drowned the absinthe down his throat. “Whoa, that shit is good. Is it imported?”

“Smuggled,” Paul provided.

“I can always count on you.”

He decided to grab a yerba matte before starting listening in a little bit more. He already had heard the kettle going on in the kitchen. He was sure it was Atsushi since he was a treasure.

As soon as he entered the kitchen, he knew he was right. Atsushi had already taken out his gourd and bombilla. Now Akutagawa just needed to add yerba and pour some water over it but Atsushi knew that he preferred to do it himself.

“Thanks,” Akutagawa said, not even looking at him.

Atsushi was a little embarrassed that Akutagawa appreciated him and tried to hide his smug behind a coffee mug.

“Will you make us some food before the party?” he asked. “I could use something to eat.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think we have any ingredients here...”

Atsushi sighed and leaned his head on Akutagawa’s shoulder in a gesture of absolute resignation.

“But hey, at least it’s your empty fridge now,” Akutagawa reminded him. “Let’s check out what’s inside.”

“NOOOOOO!!!! THEY ARE OPENING THE FRIDGE!!!!!!!” they heard Pushkin yell.

They looked at each other but were equally puzzled. There was a movement outside and in a blink of an eye all slav squad except for Sigma who was at his internship until evening. Curious, Dazai and Chuuya came too. Only Mr. Rimbaud was left alone in the living room.

They stood in silence for a few seconds, just Eurovision songs playing softly in the background. Finally, Fyodor came forward.

“We talked it over and we are really happy, you decided to join our party. So, as we do in Mother Russia, we prepared food to share.”

He opened the fridge with one fast pull. Inside, there were containers full of pierogi dumplings and soups. A few of them were marked with ribbons. Fyodor pointed at them.

“Those are vegan. We were skeptical at first but vegan pierogi is a thing and we made it. Gogol added the ribbons, they are cute, aren’t they?”

Akutagawa stopped listening to him. Despite his hate for affection display and human contact, he hugged Fyodor.

Fyodor smelled like borscht and his sweater was really soft. Akutagawa was really moved when he hugged him back.  Since they were both a little socially awkward and therefore didn’t care about what was and wasn’t normal, they stayed like that for a while.

“Guys, I’m starting to get jealous here,” Atsushi shyly interrupted them.

“Shut up, Jinko. We’re busy bonding.”

“GROUP HUG!” Gogol quickly resolved the conflict by jumping on Fyodor and Akutagawa.

Soon, Akutagawa was being strangled by a bunch of slav man.

Akutagawa never noticed that Gogol used this as an opportunity to escape the group’s attention and add vodka to his yerba mate. Fyodor and Dazai noticed. They looked at each other and then for once they nodded in agreement. They wouldn’t let Akutagawa know.

***

People kept coming they were annoying. Loud. Akutagawa felt like he was drunk but haven’t drunk anything yet. He was just drinking his yerba mate. He was on his third one now.

Eurovision was still about to start so there was karaoke in the living room. Pushkin turned out to be a wonderful singer, Akutagawa actually hoped that they would let him sing again. Unfortunately, Dazai was singing now. Mostly to torture them with cheesy, annoying songs everyone hated.

He tried to escape to the kitchen but he ran into something he wanted to unsee.

“And you are really pretty. Like an elf,” Sigma went on, smiling softly at giggling Naomi.

No. No. No.

Akutagawa wouldn’t let it happen. Kyouka was going to come in an hour. He couldn’t have Sigma be too devastated after being played by Naomi or else he wouldn’t hit on Kyouka. He turned and started looking for Tanizaki.

He looked around the living room. Suddenly he was face to face with Rimbaud since someone had put Rimbaud on one of the higher bookshelves so he could be on the eye level with everyone and still see the TV. The dispersed books that occupied that space before laid on the floor forsaken, like a trap laid down for the drunk.

“Have you seen a redhead?”

“My beloved son is right there, you blind drunk,” he pointed his absinthe glass in direction of the karaoke group.

“I’m not drunk. I just drink my yerba mate,” Akutagawa raised his gourd to show him. “The other redhead.”

“He’s dancing with the beautiful girl right there.”

Akutagawa turned and saw Tachihara embracing his sister in a slow dance. He gritted his teeth. That Trash.

“The other one.”

“He’s smoking, I think in your room.”

“WHAT?” Akutagawa was boiling in rage. No one was going to smoke in his room. Without another world, he left Rimbaud who was laughing at him and in a matter of seconds he was back in his room.

Pushkin was smoking a fucking cigar. Tanizaki was right next to him alongside with Gogol.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? And maybe you were going to put it out in my plants, you asshole?”

“Akutagawa-kun, don’t do anything rush!” Tanizaki urged him.

“By the way, your girlfriend is flirting with Sigma,” he mentioned. “Do not smoke in this room. Ever!”

Rage in Tanizaki’s eyes was something more than he was expecting. Akutagawa took a step back. Gogol was laughing.

In a blink of an eye, Tanizaki was gone. For a second there Akutagawa was unsure whether to follow him or yell at Pushkin. Finally, he took on the third option. He stole the cigar from Pushkin and put it out in Gogol’s drink. Then he ran after Tanizaki.

They were not in the kitchen anymore. He tried to find them but he got lost. Also, he had to go open the door because someone was trying to get in. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest that it was Gide and Odasaku.

“Hi, sorry we’re late,” Odasaku said.

“Don’t worry, Eurovision didn’t start yet. I’m not even drinking yet,” Akutagawa assured him.

“You smell like vodka,” André Gide cut in.

“That’s probably the fault of the Russian men who hug me.”

Andre snorted loudly. That brought Chuuya’s attention, he quickly stood up to welcome his teacher.

“Mr. Gide. I’m so sorry for cutting your classes... I was... It was important and...” Chuuya started to stammer on his explanation he had thought so much about before. “And... there was a need to get treatment... and... I really...”

“Chuuya-kun,” André rolled his eyes. “Do I look like I care? The only time you skip classes and I will care is when you elope with Dazai and not invite Odasaku to the wedding. But that’s not happening, right?”

“No, sir,” Chuuya paled. “And about the homework... I will really bring it for the next class, I...”

“Is it your dad?” André completely ignored Chuuya and went to the screen to greet his old friend Arthur.

Chuuya was shaking. Akutagawa was suspecting he was scared for an unknown reason. He quickly told Odasaku where to put the alcohol and snacks and later he decided to talk to Chuuya he was still looking at André who was now doing shots with his dad.

Akutagawa had no idea how could he have found vodka so quickly. Fortunately, Odasaku came to his side and stole away the shot glass. As it turned out to drink a shot himself and then give it back.

Akutagawa turned to Chuuya.

“Why are you scared of André? He’s awesome.”

“It’s because Chuuya wants to be a teacher’s pet when the subject interests him,” Dazai appeared next to Chuuya and petted him gently on the head. “And André isn’t like any other teachers.”

“Shut up,” Chuuya mumbled. “It’s just that I respect him. He’s a great author. And that I don’t get him as a human being and it makes it weird.”

“Oh, Chuuya, Chuuya,” Dazai giggled and kissed him.

Akutagawa remembered that he was looking for Tanizaki and Sigma. He looked around and found their two flaming red heads behind the couch. Well. Sigma was more of a pink head but in this light, it didn’t matter. He left Dazai and Chuuya who were kissing again to listen in to their conversation. He almost tripped on Naomi who was lying on the floor laughing at them.

“Bro,” Sigma said. “You are so awesome. You picked up a hot fifteen-year-old and legally married her before she was eighteen even.”

“Yeah, that’s not such a big deal,” Tanizaki blushed and scratched his head with embarrassment.  

“Teach me, master,” Sigma’s eyes sparkled with respect and adoration.

Now, Akutagawa really needed to drink. Fortunately, Gogol was just walking by.

“Hey. I will allow you to make me one of your famous cocktails,” Akutagawa said.

Gogol grinned so mischievously that Akutagawa started doubting if the decision he’d just made was a rational one at all.

****

Akutagawa was standing in a group consisting of Atsushi, Lucy, Ango and Odasaku. Not that he didn’t like them. It was just that they were talking about weddings again and it bore him to death.

He decided not to listen to their conversation and just not from time to time. Alcohol in his blood system made it hard to focus on boring things so even if he tried his best, probably participating in this conversation would be impossible.

Just behind him, Dazai was conducting one much more interesting one.

“So, was it Fyodor who called you?” Dazai asked Rimbaud seriously.

“Chuuya and Fyodor claim you’re extremely smart, dear future son-in-law, what do you think?”

“I think they either found strange alcohol and needed your worldly experience (but I doubt it, they would just google it first) or they broke something weird and thought you might know how to fix it.”

“Well, well,” Rimbaud sounded satisfied. “That’s a very good answer, I’m proud of you. They broke Akutagawa’s radio.”

Akutagawa didn’t care what was rude and what was not. He left the group and turned to Dazai and Rimbaud.

“They did what?!”

“Ivan and Pushkin were dancing and apparently then fell, destroying a mysterious black box. I’m rather surprised they actually were desperate to fix that old rummage. I would give it away to the museum,” Rimbaud said with a kind smile.

He always did things like that to Akutagawa. He just smiled softly and spoke offensive words in a calm voice. Akutagawa respected him but at times like that he loathed him.

“That is my radio. I listen to it in the mornings,” Akutagawa gritted his teeth. “I will murder them.”

“Just download an app on your phone and stop terrorizing the surroundings,” Dazai sighed.

“Shut up, senpai, that radio was precious to me,” Akutagawa scoffed.

“I never said it died for good. Those brave Russian men were able to fix I but I have no idea why they were so determined,” Rimbaud whined.

Akutagawa felt overwhelmed with love. Slav Squad cared for him. Or at least Fyodor did. He really needed to hug Fyodor immediately.

“ . . . Listen to me, God, and you, Nature! 
        Here is music that is worthy of you, songs that are worthy of you. 
        I am master!
        Master, I stretch out my hands! 
        I stretch them to the sky, I place my fingers on the stars. 
        They are my musical glasses, my armonica!” the voice in the TV sang with power that was enough to bring the audience to their knees.

Fuck. It was Mickiewicz. There was no way Akutagawa would approach Fyodor now. Since Mickiewicz had this way of uniting people and gathering them, suddenly everyone was in the living room watching his performance.

“That is a great song!” André Gide announced with excitement.

“Yebana pizda,” Fyodor muttered.

Akutagawa dared to look. Fyodor was sitting right in front of the TV and glaring at Mickiewicz with all his hate. Gogol was holding his hand and tried to calm him down.

“Good, stay calm, you’re doing great,” Gogol praised him.

“Shlyukha pierdolona.”

“Otlichno, Fyodor, otlichno.” ( otlichno – great, wonderful)

“Ya zayebyu eta huj. Zayebyu. Suka blyat.”

“Vyglyadish ochen’ krasivyj segodnya.” (You look very beautiful today)

This sudden statement made Fyodor dart away from the TV and look into Gogol’s eyes. Akutagawa’s grip on his drink tightened. They looked so intimate, Akutagawa was hoping they would just lean in a little bit closer and kiss. Just a little bit.

Of course, the electric guitar part started and Fyodor and Gogol turned to Mickiewicz again. Akutagawa tried to hate the song for disrupting something he was waiting for so long but he couldn’t bring himself to hate something that was so perfect.

“ This song is force and power, 
        This song is immortality! 
        I feel immortality, I create immortality, 
        And you, God, what more could you do? “

“Akutagawa,” Atsushi whispered next to him. “Will you forgive me if I will say that I love Mickiewicz? I expected him to be good on live but that’s too good to be real.”

Akutagawa wanted to agree and confess that he was feeling the same way.

“Never, Jinko. Don’t even say such stupid things.”

“Are you jealous, Ryuu?”

“Shut up, I’m listening. And I’m not jealous. Just pissed that you’re acting like a little fangirl.”

Atsushi smiled and rested his head on Akutagawa’s shoulder. Akutagawa just kissed the top of it and ran his hand through Atsushi’s hair. As soon as he dropped it, their fingers interlocked.

“  When I raise my eyes toward the track of the clouds,
        And hear the birds flying south on almost invisible wings,
        Suddenly, only by willing, I hold them as in a net with my eyes;
        The flock gives a cry of distress, but, till I release them,
        Your winds cannot move them.
        If I gaze at a comet with all the strength of my soul,
        It cannot stir from the spot while my eyes are upon it

“He should win, this was amazing!” Lucy gasped.

“What is his name? I need to add him on Spotify!” Tanizaki asked.

“That guitar ruled,” Tachihara yelled. “I want more guitar!”

“Let’s find it on youtube and watch it again!” Shibusawa suggested.

Akutagawa held Atsushi closer. He could sense the storm coming.

Fyodor stood up. Suddenly, they all froze, feeling strange terror pining them right where they stood. The room got quiet except for the TV in the background. Fyodor coldly glared at each one of them and no one dared to speak.

“If anyone says anything more about that piece of populist trash, I will be putting them right where trash fans belong. In the dumpster outside.”

Chapter Text

SLAV PARTY 2

It was in the middle of the night but still before the end of Eurovision Finale when it all went to hell.

It happened during George Sand’s performance. Since Akutagawa knew that Chopin, George ‘s pianist, was actually Polish, he sat right by Fyodor’s side, ready to restrain him. It was okay. Surprisingly okay. Fyodor was even praising Chopin’s music.

And then Tachihara, that stupid bag of un-recyclable trash, just had to cut in.

“It’s nice that you can appreciate Chopin, Fyodor. You know, with him being Polish...”

Fyodor’s expression changed drastically.

“He’s Polish?!”

“Of course, he’s not,” Akutagawa tried but Fyodor was already googling. As soon as Wikipedia light up on the screen and he managed to scroll down, he dropped the phone.

“Polachek yebany,” he scoffed and before drowning further into his rage, he looked around the room to find Gogol for some support. “Suka...” he started and suddenly stopped.

Akutagawa rarely saw Fyodor surprised. Almost never. His eyes followed Fyodor’s to find out the cause and then, he froze, just as startled as Fyodor. They were speechlessly staring at Gogol and Sigma flirting by the window.

It lasted just a minute. Akutagawa’s eyes were growing wider and wider and Gogol and Sigma exchanged prolonged touches in a rather romantic way, gazing into each other’s eyes. That stupid asshole. Just when it was going so well with Fyodor.

At the end of the said minute, Gogol’s fingers fixed an unruly lock of Sigma’s hair and on their way back stopped to caress his best friend’s cheek. Their faces were growing closer and closer as if they were about to kiss in a matter of seconds.

Akutagawa would never allow these few seconds to happen.

He picked up a half-full bowl of nachos from the coffee table and furiously threw it at Gogol. Next to him, Fyodor stood up. His eyes looked empty but he was shaking a little bit. He marched out of the room without saying a word.

Akutagawa went after him, on the way stomping on the stupid Trash’s foot on purpose. He noticed Atsushi chatting with Rimbaud who was still video calling from the bookshelf.

He could trust Atsushi more than anyone in this room. He grabbed his arm and said:

“Atsushi, something happened and Fyodor’s not doing well. Go, get Chuuya asap, and when you’re free, please punch Gogol in my stead.”

“....Okay?”

“Quickly,” Akutagawa insisted.

Atsushi nodded and put his drink away. Seeing that the matter was in safe hands, Akutagawa was by Fyodor’s door in a blink. Of course, they were closed. He tried knocking.

“Fyodor, it’s me. Please, open up.”

Surprisingly, he did. Akutagawa gasped as he had been hugged out of the blue. Fyodor promptly shut the door behind him and dragged Akutagawa down to the floor with him.

That’s when Akutagawa saw that unfortunately, he was right. Fyodor looked utterly miserable.

“I’m sorry, Fyodor. I’m really sorry,” Akutagawa said because he couldn’t find better words. He was not sure what drove Fyodor to this state but he knew that he needed to be there for him.

“I just...” Fyodor tried. “I feel so lonely and excluded.”

“They are just drunk assholes, Fyodor.”

“No. They are not. I already caught them flirting a few times. But I don’t care. The only thing that is actually pissing me off is that Gogol used to like me. But apparently, that was not that important to him. It’s never important to anyone. Gogol likes Sigma more than me, Chuuya likes fucking Dazai, Ivan and Pushkin like each other. I’m so pathetic for hoping to be special to anyone.”

“Shut up, Fyodor. We all love you just in a different way.”

There was a knock on the door. Akutagawa stood up and let Chuuya in. Chuuya looked like just a second ago he was very busy. His choker disappeared, instead, there was a huge bite mark. His clothes were in a mess but not half unruly one as Chuuya’s hair.

Akutagawa did quick math. Chuuya wasn’t in the living room when they left. He wasn’t in Fyodor’s room and Akutagawa would have seen him on his way in the kitchen. The bathroom was empty.

Chuuya and Dazai made use of Akutagawa’s room, probably bed. Those assholes.

And not only Chuuya didn’t even apologize, he just rushed to Fyodor. Akutagawa wished now was the time to yell at him. He would love to do so. But Fyodor needed Chuuya. The Russian closed his eyes with resignation and let himself be embraced. It was strangely passive behavior for Fyodor.

 “Hey, by the way,” Atsushi spoke up. “I still have no idea what’s going on but Gogol tried to get in here. So I punched him, as you asked.”

Akutagawa couldn’t help a lopsided, proud smile that had appeared unwillingly on his face.

“Good boy. Talk to you later.”

“Okay. Good luck and call me if you need anything.”

Atsushi was great.

Akutagawa closed the door and sat back down. Chuuya was trying to get Fyodor to tell him what was wrong but Fyodor was just staring resigned at Chuuya’s neck.

 “Did hat thief steal your choker? But he will give it back, right?” he slowly asked out of the blue. “If not, that crime calls for  punishment.”

“Fyodor, please,” Chuuya begged him clearly understanding that something was very wrong. “Talk to me. Aren’t we friends?”

Fyodor finally looked up.

“Hey, Chuuya... Tell me the truth. You know now that I used to be in love with you, because your stupid boyfriend told me first thing today when we were alone, as well as the fact that you didn’t before but now you do, thanks to him...”

“That fucking asshole,” Chuuya gritted his teeth.

“I just wanted to know... If, at some point when you and thief were still not together, I would have confessed would we get together?”

Fyodor was asking that question so calmly that it creeped Akutagawa out.

“I...” Chuuya was clearly embarrassed. “I think we would. But it wouldn’t have been good. Dazai and I... I don’t think you and I would be happy. Even if Dazai and I break up again and a hundred times more, I don’t think either of us could ever be truly happy with someone else. I would only feel guilty for disappointing you and...”

“You and hat thief have something special. As much as I hate him, he gets some parts of you that you barely let anyone glimpse at, not to mention, try to understand,” Fyodor stated. “I know. That’s why I never did anything. I just hoped you two would stay broken up for longer, I really hate him.”

Chuuya was sad. Akutagawa couldn’t see any other emotion on his face. There was no guilt, shock, frustration, not even desperation. Just pure sadness. He reached out to pet Fyodor’s hair.

“Thank you for understanding,” he whispered.

Fyodor quietly accepted it.

“I just feel so lonely,” he confessed. “So lonely.”

 “Fyodor, you so many good friends you can always count on to be there for you. Me, Akutagawa, Gogol...” Chuuya counted but was disrupted by Fyodor’s snort. “What?”

Fyodor just giggled in a very disturbing way. Akutagawa decided to cut in.

“Come on, Fyodor. He tried to come in here but Atsushi punched him in my stead. If he tried, it means he cares.”

“What happened?” Chuuya was confused.

“Apparently Sigma is not as straight as everyone thought,” Akutagawa announced. “Or maybe clowns are his another kink.”

Chuuya was scandalized. He blinked a few times and tried to speak but no words came out. Fyodor was laughing again but out of the blue, he stopped.

“It’s so annoying. I just... I’m so lonely. You know how annoying it is to notice your friends problems and issues as easily as I do and then have them avoid talking to you about them?”

“Fyodor...” Akutagawa tried to stop him.

“Like Chuuya. I know about the stuff he doesn’t talk with me about and it used to piss me off so much Dazai gets that privilege even when he doesn’t deserve it in the slightest.”

“It’s not...” Chuuya’s attempt to protest also turned out to be vain.

“It’s okay, I’m over it now. But even much, much more depressing and annoying is,” Fyodor closed his eyes clearly suffering, “when you realize you didn’t know your friends at all. Like what just happened with Gogol and Sigma. I don’t understand. It just started randomly happening without a reason, and I thought I knew them. I feel so betrayed. They were best my friends and I don’t even know them anymore.”

Akutagawa blinked. It was like illumination. It didn’t seem right for Fyodor to be petty and get so pissed off about Gogol’s flirting. It was about the intimacy of their friendship and that Fyodor never knew he was interested in someone else.

The thing that hurt Fyodor the most was that his friendship with Gogol turned out not to be as close as he thought it was. And that’s why he was so lonely. He lost trust in one of the most important people in his life.

“I told you before,” Akutagawa insisted. “They are drunk. Gogol is crazy when drunk. Probably that was just a crazy drunk idea and that’s why it was so weird.”

“Are you saying my best friend is a stupid drunk?” Fyodor glanced at him calmly.

“A crazy one. You cannot ignore that,” Akutagawa didn’t let go.

“Just stop,” Chuuya sighed. “Fyodor it’s just an accident. You always were good at understanding people and their motives. You are a great friend, who always helps and says exactly what is needed even if it hurts you,” Chuuya said.

Akutagawa had no experience like that with Fyodor. But he guessed Chuuya’s and Fyodor’s friendship was a little bit special.

Still, he had to admit that Fyodor was a good friend. Never would he question that.

Another knock on the door interrupted them. This time Chuuya stood up to open it but when he did, he gasped and took a step back.

It was Dazai. Dripping in some pink liquid.

“Hi,” he smiled brightly as if everything was okay. “Sorry to bother you, I just wanted to ask Akutagawa where are the towels and if I could take a shower. You see, a pot full of beetroot soup had been poured on me and...”

“Borsch,” Fyodor corrected him in a strict tone. “And take a step back, you are endangering my carpet.”

“Wait, Dazai,” Chuuya suddenly spoke up rather aggressively. “I have a few questions. And remember that you promised not to lie to me.”

Dazai sighed like he knew he was in big trouble now. He said nothing quietly agreeing to Chuuya’s terms.

“Who poured the borsch at you?”

“So I was chatting politely with André, Ango and Odasaku and out of the blue I see red, feel wet and...”

“Was it the living room?” Akutagawa was already thinking about cleaning.

“In the corridor.”

“Thank God, Buddha or André Gide,” Akutagawa let out a relieved sigh.

“Mostly André, he was blocking most of the way to the living room so I decided to chat with them and...”

“I asked who did it, don’t avoid the question,” Chuuya reminded him with taxing glare.

“Well... It was Gogol. With pissed off Sigma right next to him.”

“Dazai, when I gave you my phone and you texted Gogol from it and later deleted all the messages, what did you do?”

Dazai’s eyes were going around the room looking for a way of escaping. But since it was clear that Chuuya wasn’t going to let it go, he finally responded:

“Fine. I told Gogol to make Fyodor jealous to speed things up. I literally told him to flirt in front of Fyodor and of course, his other best friend agreed to help. I didn’t take it into account that such a cheap trick would never work on Fyodor and it all backfired. Can we please just not talk about it anymore? I’m suffering and I smell like a beetroot.”

Resigned Chuuya leaned on the doorframe. From this angle, Akutagawa couldn’t see his face but when he spoke, his voice was sad:

“Dazai, I’m really sick of you manipulating my friends like that behind my back. I think we should break up.”

“I didn’t mean....” Dazai tried to say something but he couldn’t come up with any excuse.

“It’s always like that with you,” Chuuya sighed. “I really can’t do this any longer.”

Never in his life, Akutagawa had seen Dazai so utterly terrified, devasted and on the verge of crying. It was like seeing a whole new person.

Akutagawa was shocked. Never had he expected for that evening to go this way.

//FROM THE AUTHOR OF THAT FANFIC: I was so tempted to leave it like this and finish the chapter with this terrible cliffhanger >.< But I'm not mean enough to do that. You'll just get this interruption.// 

Suddenly, he heard a long sigh from the side. Fyodor stood up and walked up to Dazai and Chuuya.

“Now you are acting drunk and stupid, Chuuya. Just stop.”

He reached to open his closet and pull out a towel and his own pajamas from it.

“That’s a really messy closet,” Dazai casually mentioned since clearly the urge to hate on Fyodor was too strong to keep it in check.

“Shut up, you hat stealing cunt,” Fyodor pushed his own clothes in Dazai’s arms. “I don’t like you in a slightest but you make Chuuya mostly happy so I’m not letting you two break up over something so stupid as suggesting something crazy to Gogol. But no going behind Chuuya’s back. Treat him better or I’ll make you regret it.”

“Thanks?” Dazai was confused. “Chuuya, I’m sorry,” he said seriously.

“I’m so tired, Dazai,” Chuuya sighed. “How about we’ll talk about in the morning?”

Dazai brightened up.

“I’ll take you to a romantic brunch,” he announced and rushed to the bathroom so Chuuya wouldn’t have time to protest.

Fyodor turned to Akutagawa.

“Hey, I need to talk alone with Chuuya a little bit. Would you mind?” Fyodor asked.

Akutagawa didn’t have to be asked twice. He knew that Chuuya was way better at dealing with Fyodor’s issues. Fyodor was in good hands.

As soon as he left the room, he heard a rant in Russian from his own. It sounded dangerous. He slammed the door without thinking twice.

Gogol with a cigarette in his hand was slav squatting on a sill of a wide open window. The rest of slav squad was gathered around him apparently begging him to get down.

“What the fuck are you doing in my window? You know how much trouble you will cause me if you fall out?!”

“Shut up, vegetable vampire, Fyodor hates me because of that stupid villain friend of yours! I finally get why Fyodor loathes him so much, I hate that guy,” he yelled and as he jumped up a little bit to highlight his hate, they all shivered fearing that he would fall out.

“Gogol, solnyshko,” Sigma’s voice trembled. “Slezay ottuda.”

“Don’t you see we have a foreign guest?! Be polite and speak in the language everyone understands!” Gogol was outraged.

“Sorry, I’m really stressing out. Please, get down.”

“Throw that cigarette out or jump with it,” Akutagawa suggested viciously.

“You are always so mean,” Gogol complained. “Is Fyodor okay? He looked pissed.”

“He’s better now. But don’t do something as stupid like that again. How could you have helped him, senpai?” he accused Sigma.

“He’s my bro, I always help him.”

“I’m so happy my relationships with people aren’t that stupid.”

“Hey!” Gogol protested. “Your boyfriend punched me without even knowing the reason! That’s even worse!”

“Did it hurt?” Akutagawa asked clearly with no remorse. “I hope it did. Fyodor really felt betrayed by you two.”

“Wait, he actually got jealous?” Gogol was excited now. “Really?”

“Not at all,” Akutagawa said. “It’s complicated. Just get rid of your cigarette and never listen to Dazai.”

Hearing his new arch enemy’s name clearly triggered Gogol.

“Guys, what do we do with Belka? He’s fucking dating that asshole. We need to save him!”

“Don’t you dare meddle with that relationship when you can’t even get one of your own,” Akutagawa scoffed.

“Oh my, you are even more mean than usual when you’re drunk,” Gogol complained. “Ivan, can you bring me my coat? It’s fucking freezing.”

“Than maybe you should get down,” Ivan suggested.

“No way, I need the air!”

Sigma sighed.

Suddenly, a doorbell ringing interrupted them. Gin had gone out to get alcohol but she had keys. It could be just one guest for whom he had been waiting for hours now.

   “Sigma-senpai,” Akutagawa smiled mischievously since, finally, it was happening. “I will introduce you to someone special now. Gogol, you want to see that, Pushkin.. how fucking dare you?” he ripped a cigar from Pushkin's hands and broke it in half. It went straight into the garbage can.

After Gogol put out his cigarette he politely jumped off the window sill landing safely on the floor. They all rushed to the door. Atsushi was already there, greeting the guest.

Akutagawa smiled wider upon seeing Kyouka. Finally.

“Whoa,” Sigma gasped.

“Kyouka,” Akutagawa greeted her.

“Ryuu. Who are the weirdos?

“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” Sigma dropped to his knees unable to keep straight. “My little nymphet, light of my life, fire of my loins, my Lolita from my wildest dreams and fantasies, please go out with me!”

Once again this evening, Akutagawa was rendered utterly speechless by his friends. Of course, Sigma screwed up far worse than he imagined it possible.

As it turned out, Kyouka was way better at punching people than Atsushi was. Especially since she knew the reason and it was standing right in front of her.

She hit Sigma so hard that he blacked out for a moment.

***

They all gathered in the living room on some ungodly hour to find out who won The Eurovision. Fyodor and Chuuya appeared last minute to the event.

“Where is Sigma?” Fyodor asked.

“Kyouka broke his nose,” Gogol explained. “Tanizaki and Naomi took him to the hospital. I didn’t go because I... wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care,” Fyodor said back. “You were just manipulated by the hat thief. It’s not your fault so there is nothing to be sorry about. I’ll let it slide for now.”

Akutagawa let out a relieved sigh. He knew that, usually, Fyodor would not have let it slide but apparently, Gogol was special. Akutagawa was not giving up on hoping they would get together and then Fyodor wouldn’t be lonely anymore.

Since they had too little space for that many people, Chuuya sat down in Dazai’s lap without saying a word. Dazai just grabbed him by the waist and pulled him closer.

Akutagawa was happy to see that those two were okay.

He just hoped the results wouldn’t ruin it all.

They all gasped as Russia got the sixth place. France and Poland were above. Akutagawa was expecting the worst.

France came in second. Poland won.

“Suka blyat!” Fyodor started swearing.

Actually, the rest of their guests was rather pleased with the results. And, definitely, the audience was since they were screaming and demanding for Mickiewicz to perform once again.

He appeared on the stage but instead of singing, he started thanking everyone. Suddenly, another man appeared next to him on stage. He looked even angrier than Fyodor did. Mickiewicz said something but it was hard to understand. Clearly, Mickiewicz was making fun of him.

The man was so done with it. He furiously punched Mickiewicz and stole his microphone. Soon, a new song started. Completely different than Mickiewicz’s one. Lyrics were in English, very poetic and beautiful, the song itself had the power and something about the music was strangely familiar.

“I like that man,” Fyodor announced. “He gave Mickiewicz what he deserved.”

“His name is Juliusz Słowacki,” Ango explained, reading from his smartphone. “He’s Mickiewicz’s arch-enemy. His songs are good and poetic but he’s not as popular as Mickiewicz. This song is from is LP called ‘Kordian’ and the Internet says to listen to it as a whole since it makes more sense. He was dating Chopin’s ex-fiance Maria Wodzińska so Chopin is doing his music too, though I don’t understand this logic.”

“So he’s Polish?” Fyodor smirked.

“Why are you happy?” Akutagawa asked.

“I’m just fascinated by how Poles can destroy their biggest achievements just for the sake of fighting each other.”

“Fyodor, you’re creepy and shut up, there’s a part for two cellos,” Dazai shushed him but after few seconds he was the one to speak up. “It’s really awesome. Would you mind practicing it with me?”

“With every cell in my body.”

Chapter Text

Akutagawa needed to pee. And he was suffocating. There was another crotch pressuring on his bladder. God, what he did to deserve that?

Right. He got himself a cuddly boyfriend that was pretty much like a cat. Who was also moving in. So most of the mornings are going to look this way.

Akutagawa opened his eyes and looked around. His room was intact. There was only some dirt near the window, probably because Gogol smoked there yesterday. Or this morning actually.

There was one other flaw but and this point, he was already getting used to it. Gin was sleeping in her bed next to the pile of garbage she called her boyfriend.

Speaking of boyfriends, Atsushi’s head was crushing his throat. His lovely boyfriend was plastered all over him like the worst kind of animal.

“Oi, Jinko, get off,” he demanded in a hoarse voice.

Atsushi moved. He actually managed to get closer and suddenly, he was crushing Akutagawa in a hug.

“Jinko, fucking let me leave.”

Atsushi just mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled even closer. Akutagawa ran out of patience and threw Atsushi off him without mercy.

“Au!” Atsushi moaned painfully as his head hit the wall. “Seriously, Akutagawa, what the hell?”

“Regular Hell that is my life. You almost suffocated me which is also pretty usual for you.”

“So out of the blue, you decide to kill me? God, you are so crazy...”

“It’s your fault for always sleeping like a spoiled cat. I’m lighter then you, I cannot withstand all your weight.”

“I won’t let you think I’m fat, my weight is perfectly normal. You, on the other hand, look like skin and bones. You would be much more comfortable to lay on if you had put on some weight.”

“Never. I’m not your personal pillow.”

He knew well that he was. Fortunately, Gogol just opened the door so Atsushi didn’t have time to talk back before he was interrupted.

“Guys!!!! Quiet!!!!” he shushed them in urging whisper. “Fyodor is still sleeping!!!!”

Akutagawa sighed. If Gogol was here, there was no chance he would quietly sneak out to the bathroom and then he could go to sleep. Knowing Gogol, he would keep him awake.

“Akutagawa, actually, I need to talk to you!”

Gogol closed the door behind him and sat down on Akutagawa’s bed.

“So... Yesterday... just before going to sleep...!” Gogol was clearly excited and Akutagawa feared the worst. “I confessed! And we kissed! Well, I kissed him, he told me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep! So it’s great, right?! Like, he didn’t throw me out!”

Akutagawa sighed.

“Why the hell would you do that? Fyodor was in a really shitty mood yesterday,” he glared at Gogol who was unceasingly smiling with bright optimism.

“Exactly! He needed love and support! So, tell me now, what’s Fyodor’s favorite breakfast? Because I’m making it.”

Akutagawa quickly calculated what ingredients would surely make Gogol leave the apartment and let him get some sleep but still were vegan. It was particularly hard in his current state. But he couldn’t count on Atsushi’s help, he was already sleeping.

“He loves my spinach artichokes vegan quiche.”

“Nice try, vampire boy.”

“I want the Russian apple pancakes,” Gin suddenly spoke up in a sleepy voice.

“We are sure Fyodor wants them too,” Tachihara added.

“Must you always recommend non-vegan dish?” Akutagawa scoffed.

“I’ll make a few vegan ones for you and your tiger so you won’t starve,” Gogol winked.

“Will they be really vegan?”

“Fyodor won’t like it if I make you angrier. And now I’m going all out to get him happy!” Gogol smiled like a crazy person. And his smile was bright like the sun.

Akutagawa did not trust this man but he did trust Fyodor.

And he really needed to pee.

“Help me up, I need to pee,” he ordered.

“Whoah, your vegan diet doesn’t give you enough strength to get up?” Gogol didn’t miss the opportunity to mock him but he did lend him a hand.

They walked out of the room. Akutagawa didn’t wait any longer, he went straight to the bathroom. He opened the door and saw something that rendered the room completely useless just when he needed it.

Their bathtub was filled with spaghetti. Both sauce and pasta. Fortunately, it didn’t look like there was any meat so it was more like a tomato sauce.

And Sigma was soundly sleeping in it, even using a dirty towel as a pillow. The bandage covering his nose got stained with tomatoes too. What did tomatoes do to deserve to become part of that party in this way? Terrible. Just terrible.

Akutagawa turned and marched to the kitchen.

“I need you,” he announced to Gogol.

“I’m aspiring to be Fyodor’s boy toy, not yours, tree stick.”

“Please, do not call yourself a ‘boy toy’. Ever. Now, come here.”

“Uggggghhhhh, fine.....”

Gogol dropped the bowl and followed Akutagawa. When he saw Sigma, he wasn’t surprising. Just accepting. He took just one picture and then, he touched Sigma’s arm.

Sigma blinked few times, trying to wake up. He saw the spaghetti. He saw the bathroom. He saw Gogol’s face. They gazed into each other’s eyes for a few seconds without moving further.

“Bro,” Gogol welcomed him to the world of the living.

“Bro.”

Gogol reached out to help him. In no time Sigma was out of the bathtub. He glanced at the mirror and straightened out his clothes. That’s when he noticed his kouhai.

“Oh, Akutagawa, you’re here too,” he turned to face him. “About that girl yesterday,” for a second Akutagawa did hope he would apologize. “I’m deadly serious. Give me her number.”

“No way.”

“Oh come on. Please. I need that lovely nymphet in my life. Please.”

And Akutagawa really needed to pee. And they were still in the bathroom.

“Earn it first. Get out, I need to pee. And don’t you dare sit on anything before you change. And since Dazai probably left, you two are cleaning the borsch stains.”

“That asshole deserved it,” Gogol protested.

“And I deserve my peace and quiet and the right to pee in privet. Am I getting it? No. The hen who’s egg you’ll be using for pancakes didn’t deserve to have her baby stolen either. There is no simple justice. So fuck off and clean up.”

“Whoa, he’s crazy,” Gogol gasped. “Let’s run away, bro.”

“Is there coffee?”

“I’ll make it. So, Vlad, get that, I kissed Fyodor! And I’m not dead!”

“Bro. I’m so proud of you, Solnychko. So, so proud.”

They finally left. Akutagawa shut the door and finally got rid of his biggest problem.

As he was washing his hand he finally realized. Gogol made a move on Fyodor.

That was bigger than when the European Union started banning plastic bags.

He almost ran to the kitchen. Gogol was already mixing some strange ingredients and Sigma started on the coffee.

“Did you just tell me you confessed to Fyodor?!” Akutagawa yelled.

“Shhhh, there are some people sleeping in the living room,” Gogol urged him. “And Fyodor is sleeping. Do you want to wake Fyodor up?!”

No one ever wanted to wake Fyodor up. Gogol once sang them a Russian song about a monstrous bear who was soundly sleeping but if the protagonist wouldn’t be careful, the bear would wake up and devour him. That bear was nothing compared to Fyodor.

Fyodor was one of the people who would kill anyone who woke them up. He was worse than Atsushi when it came down to getting up and somehow Akutagawa managed to end up living with both of them.

Thinking about Atsushi made him remember what Atsushi had once said. That if he wanted to get some information out of people he should not threaten them but be nice.

“Please. I want to know,” Akutagawa asked more politely.

Gogol made a movement like he was about to act high and mighty or make Akutagawa beg for it but he gave in to his need to share what happened last night. He dropped the ingredients and sat down at the table with Sigma and Akutagawa.

“Fine,” he said still trying to sound reluctant but he wasn’t fooling anyone even Akutagawa. “I’ll tell you. Soooooo.... you know how Fyodor had a little bit of hard night yesterday?”

“It was night and morning,” Akutagawa corrected him, glancing at the watch which indicated late afternoon.

“Anyways, when Sigma was cooking pasta with André, and you were on the floor next to the window talking about stars with your tiger...”

“The sun was already up. And we were talking about pollution.”

“Well, every couple is special. Some have stars, you have pollution...”

“We were pissed you polluted the air in my room with your cigarettes. Don’t think I’ll let it go. Or Atsushi will. He’s pretty aggressive and a has mild asthma so I would be scared if I were you.”

“I thought you were the coughing one,” Sigma pointed out.

Akutagawa noticed that he was sitting on a chair, still covered in spaghetti sauce. Fortunately, it seemed that he and Gogol covered the chair in old newspapers so it was probably safe. Probably. Akutagawa just really hoped it was newspaper and not some textbook.

“We are both coughing ones but I cough louder. So if Gogol will really get together with Fyodor he needs to quit or I’m not letting him come over.”

“Please, I’m not addicted. I just smoke for fun,” Gogol winked.

“Are you telling me you’ve been tormenting me and Atsushi for fun?” Akutagawa glared at him.

“Exactly!”

“Gogol, quit teasing kids and go back to the story!” Sigma urged him probably knowing that if they kept talking Akutagawa wouldn’t be able to keep calm.

“Soooo, Belka’s excuse of the boyfriend turned on the karaoke and as you know, he was dancing and everything. It was even amusing. And then that asshole started singing Mickiewicz’s song even though Chuuya tried to stop him. I seriously have no idea why he’s dating this insensitive, manipulative piece of trash, we need to help him asap.”

“I know the feeling when someone close is dating a piece of trash,” Akutagawa sighed thinking about Tachihara.

“You really should just let it go, nii-san,” Gin appeared in the kitchen and took the free stool. “Tachihara may seem so but he’s not really a garbage.”

“He is.”

“You have some serious issues,” she yawned.

“He’s just a good bro, he’s watching out for you because she knows you’re awesome,” Gogol suddenly got really understanding. “You could do way better than that guy although I think you can date whoever you want. Just look in the mirror, you are smart, beautiful, independent and strong women you can make your own choices!”

Akutagawa saw red.

“Are you fucking hitting on my sister?!”

“Please, nii-san, it’s just Gogol. He’s being nice,” Gin rolled her eyes. “And you know he’s head over hills for Fyodor.”

“I think there is some potential in Tachihara although I’m agreeing with Gogol,” Sigma said.

“Sigma-senpai, actually...” Akutagawa realized. “How come you’ve never hit on my sister? She’s beautiful.”

“With all due respect,” Sigma sighed. “When I’m a middle-aged lonely lawyer or a casino owner I might consider flirting with all the pretty or interesting women I see. But I’m not there yet and your sister is not my type although I acknowledge her beauty.”

“You flirt with all the girls, bro, sorry to break it to you.”

“If they come at me first! I don’t want to be rude and reject them! And you know I can’t say no to people. But I actually want to flirt only with cute nymphets!”

“Guys,” Gin interrupted them. “I came here to listen to Gogol’s story.”

The mood immediately changed and Gogol continued in an overly enthusiastic voice.

“Soooo, dasai Dazai started singing Mickiewicz, just to piss Fyodor off. Belka is a treasure so he made him stop but still, Fyodor decided that he’s too tired for that shit and he’s going to sleep...”

“Are we getting closer?” Sigma asked impatiently.

“So, I asked him if it was still okay for me to sleep in his room even though I screwed up so badly before. And Fyodor is like ‘cool but come now ‘cuz I don’t wanna wake up later’.”

“Fyodor sounds nothing like that,” Akutagawa pointed out.

“You don’t know what he sounds like in Russian.”

“Fyodor sounds nothing like that in Russian either,” Sigma stood by his kouhai.

“Even you, bro?!” Gogol gasped. “Anyway, so we changed and like ten minutes later we’re laying down in Fyodor’s bed. And he’s trying to sleep. And god, he’s beautiful. Like, what’s there not to love?! He’s smart, funny, pretty, plays cello, chess and computer games, he’s such a cute nerd when it comes down to things he loves and when he wins something, he has this satisfied smirk on his face that makes me want to lose every fucking time and...”

Sigma grabbed Gogol’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“Bro, you’re getting off the subject again.”

“I’m perfectly on the subject!” Gogol protested and Sigma responded with a quiet, resigned sigh. “And Fyodor’s skin is so perfect...!”

“That’s thanks to nii-san’s aloe gel,” Gin explained.

“It’s basically glowing in the moonlight!”

“Gogol, you must have been so drunk, you two went two sleep just before noon,” Akutagawa pointed out.

“Shut up, Fyodor’s room has thick curtains, I forgot it’s day already!”

“Still, no moon there.”

“Just let me tell you my story!” Gogol scoffed. “So... I thought that I should apologize once again. You know. Just in case. So I ask him if he’s sleeping. Of course, he told me to shut up because he’s trying to. But I really needed to tell him and his face was right in front of me so I just... Well... You know...”

“Gogol, please,” Sigma looked like he wanted to murder him. “You went through all the details, don’t you dare skip on the important part!”

Gogol actually blushed a little bit and looked away.

“But you all are looking at me... It’s so embarrassing....” he muttered.

“In the name of all the tsars and communist governments, pull yourself together and tell me,” Sigma wasn’t about to let go.

“Well... So I apologized. Again. For getting fooled by Dazai and flirting with you just in a pathetic attempt to make Fyodor jealous. And Fyodor was just ‘I don’t care, it’s the hat thief’s fault, let’s just sleep now’ and he’s so cool! I bet he was already planning revenge or something!”

Akutagawa and Gin exchanged worried looks. They knew that the story was getting to the culmination point, they could feel it coming. They reached for each other’s hands under the table and squeezed them in a reassuring gesture. Holding Gin’s hand, Akutagawa felt more hopeful about the story. Before, he was sure that Gogol would surely fuck it all up.

“And I tell him that I’m really sorry and I really care, just got a little bit desperate. And Fyodor told me that I shouldn’t ever be desperate enough to trust Dazai because that thing that I did was just pathetic. And then I go straight from that to ‘I can’t help it, I love you too much, I had to try that even though I knew it was probably stupid’,” Gogol made his own voice sound like he was the main character of some TV romance drama. “And that was the first time I said it! That I love him!”

Sigma’s jaw dropped.

“You really did it, bro. I’m so proud. What did Fyodor do? What did he say?”

“Fyodor was pure Fyodor. He just sighed and told me he knew and it was really obvious for him. And said again that I should never let the hat thief exploit my weakness again. God, he was so hot, saying that. I could barely control myself I wanted to kiss him so badly.”

“And that’s it?” Akutagawa was a little disappointed.

“Wait for it, my dear vegan gremlin!” Gogol theatrically raised his hand for a more dramatical effect. Akutagawa squeezed Gin’s hand under the table. He didn’t like the new nickname. “So, he seemed strangely cool with me liking him so I decided to take my chance and dig further. I asked him if he doesn’t mind that I have feelings for him. And he looks at me! And since we’re laying down we’re like super close, just a few centimeters apart! And he says that there are far worse things than that and it doesn’t bother him that much. But that’s way too much for me!”

“Oh no,” Sigma gasped covering his mouth with his palm.

“Oh yes! I just closed the distance between us and kissed him!”

Now they all gasped. They even heard a gasp from the living room where someone, probably André Gide with Odasaku, were sleeping on the couch or were sleeping until Gogol started to passionately narrate his story.

“Did he kiss you back?!” Sigma asked with eyes shining with excitement.

“Not really but he let it be for a few seconds! Then he pushed me off but that’s probably because I got too much into it.”

Akutagawa now was realizing how great Atsushi’s confession was. That thing here was a drunken failure. Although, Sigma didn’t seem to be feeling this way.

“What happened next?!”

“He told me just to ‘fucking go to sleep’. But I knew I needed to be decisive about it or else he will just acknowledge me liking him on ignore it. So I asked if he would consider getting together with me. And he just told me to ‘shut up already’!”

Gogol’s smile could put a thousand suns to shame. But Akutagawa didn’t get that feeling in the slightest.

He actually felt disappointed. He let go of Gin’s hand since he had lost all hope.

“So basically you told him something he already knew well, you drunk kissed him, he told you to shut up and pushed you away and you call it an achievement?” Akutagawa accused him. “My sister woke up to hear that story, you know.”

“Solnychko, don’t listen to him, you did great!” Sigma assured him although even he seemed a little bit disappointed.

“Argh,” Gogol let out a strange sound. “You guys are terrible! I hate you! Don’t you understand that it was a huge step?!”

“If Fyodor remembers it,” Gin mentioned. “After Mickiewicz won I think Fyodor married his vodka bottle.”

“You are all so loud,” there was a tired sigh from the corridor.

They all turned to see Fyodor in person, leaning on the doorframe. Akutagawa should have expected him to appear out of nowhere like he usually did but somehow Fyodor managed to surprise him. As always.

Even though they were roommates for years and quite close friends Akutagawa couldn’t guess what Fyodor was thinking now but you could feel the tension in the air. They all got still and quiet.

“Sigma, clean the bathtub, please? I want to take a shower,” Fyodor demanded like he was a mafia mob and Sigma his subordinate.

 “But,” Sigma tried to protest. “How do you know it was me?”

“Lucky guess. I’m also suspecting André but he’s sleeping and he’s Chuuya’s teacher so that’s a no-go. I would also suspect Gogol if he wasn’t with me then it happened.”

“But...”

“Just clean up your bed, Vlad. And yourself, you look like a half ginger tomato.”

“...Fine,” Sigma sighed and left.

Akutagawa was still amazed by how much control Fyodor had over the slav squad.

“Gogol,” he said next, causing Gogol to jump up and almost knock over everything that there was on the table. “Come with me for a minute.”

Akutagawa and Gin exchanged looks. Maybe something was about to happen after all. Gogol disappeared and siblings were left alone.

“Hey I don’t think that breakfast will be done before dinner,” Akutagawa mentioned. “Want some hummus?”

“You have some left?”

“Please.”

It took Akutagawa exactly five minutes to make it. He was becoming a truly proficient cook.

“So,” Akutagawa asked slowly as they were eating. “How long until you’ll be living with your lame Tachihara?”

“We actually found a place that looks nice. It seemed okay online, we’re checking it out next week.”

“When?”

“Tuesday afternoon.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Gin glared at him.

“I’m adult now. I can choose where I live.”

“You chose to live with Tachihara, so I cannot trust you entirely and I as the older brother I have the right to make sure you are not living in a dump with your favorite trash.”

“I think you actually like Tachihara,” Gin smirked.

“Of course not,” Akutagawa was outraged. “I just accept him since you actually seem to have fun with him.”

“By the way, how did it actually go with Atsushi? You texted me that he’s moving in but weren’t too excessive about details.”

“I made him cry,” Akutagawa confessed.

Gin in a blink of an eye made a small ball of pita bread and threw it at her favorite target since childhood – her brother’s huge forehead.

“What did you do to make Atsushi cry?”

“He had a lot of feelings. Not my fault. But he’s happy and claims to love me so he’ll be moving in soon.”

“I’m happy for you, nii-san,” Gin smiled at him and he couldn’t help smiling back.

Sigma reentered the kitchen and basically threw himself at Akutagawa’s hummus. His hair was wet and he was wearing Fyodor’s clothes.

“Wow, that’s so good... My poor emigrant stomach is not used to food being this good...”

“How’s Fyodor and Gogol?” Akutagawa interrupted him although he appreciated his hummus being praised.

“Talking. Like when I wanted to shower, Fyodor opened the door for just a few seconds to throw some clothes and shut the door immediately.”

“You know them better. Is this a good sign or a bad sign?” Akutagawa asked.

“If they were talking about taking over the country I would say it meant apocalypse but... “ Sigma stopped. “I’m rather hopeful. They respect each other enough not to screw this up.”

They heard the shower go off again. A few seconds later Gogol appeared in the doorway.

“Guys. I did it,” he said still shocked. “Bro. I did it.”

“You’re dating?” Sigma gasped.

“Of course not, it’s Fyodor, with him it would never be that easy,” Gogol scoffed. “But... he said that he owed it to me to at least consider it.”

“That sounds so bad,” Gin sighed.

“Actually,” Akutagawa spoke up. “I think that’s ‘I will probably say yes’ in Fyodor-talk.”

“No way,” Sigma protested. “It’s ‘I’m going to put you through terrible tests’ in Fyodor-talk.”

“We really need a translator,” Gin sighed.

“Who has a phone?!” Gogol was panicking. “We need to call Dazai or Belka! They understand!”

“Dazai?” Sigma was rather skeptical. “Bro, you just started your tests and you’re already failing terribly.”

“Argh!” Gogol roared in desperation.

Akutagawa was already calling Chuuya in his stead.

“Hi, senpai, this is important and...” he started but got cut off by Dazai’s voice.

“Chuuya’s still passed out, I recommend calling later or asking me nicely for help! By the way, nice party. Really nice party.”

“Senpai, don’t take it personally but I trust Chuuya more when it comes to Fyodor. I’ll call later.”

“Whaaaat?!” Dazai was scandalized. “You can ask me! Or at least tell me what happened!”

Akutagawa hesitated for a second.

“Fine. I’ll ask you. If Fyodor said that ‘he owed it to the other party engaged to at least consider it’, what does it mean? Is it good or bad?”

“Oh my god, is it about Gogol? Chuuya, wake up, Gogol confessed and Fyodor didn’t turn him down!... What do you mean you already know?!... Fyodor texted you?! And you didn’t tell me?! What a shitty boyfriend you are,” Akutagawa could here Chuuya yelling at Dazai now. “I did not forget your birthday! I had a rehearsal and a concert! It’s not my fault that before I came home you’d left to celebrate with your other friends and were so pissed you didn’t invite me!”

Oh no. That again. Akutagawa just hung up since that argument could last for hours and they were probably both hangover so they wouldn’t let go. After reconsidering, Akutagawa sent a message to Chuuya, asking him for translation.  

“So?” Gogol asked.

“Nothing, Chuuya and Dazai started yelling at each other about Chuuya’s birthday.”

“Oh. That’s something Dazai deserves to be given hell for so it’s okay,” Sigma nodded.

Gin and Akutagawa exchanged puzzled looks. They knew that Chuuya’s birthday was last month but haven’t realized something bad happened.

“What did Dazai do?”

“Nothing really and that’s the problem. Like, in the morning he sent Chuuya a generic ‘Happy Birthday text’ went to class, then had rehearsals and concert, Belka was sad and ended up with us. Asshole claims he had some surprise blah blah blah but no one cares.”

“Dazai is not that bad, he probably did have a surprise,” Akutagawa skeptically acknowledged. “And you guys probably didn’t even allow him to get to Chuuya.”

“I admit it was a little bit cruel of me,” once again Fyodor joined the discussion without being noticed. He was dressed in a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a worn-out anime T-shirt clearly not caring about his looks. Even his hair was still wet from the quick shower he took.

Still, Gogol seemed to be able to stop looking at him with a stupid grin on his face.

“Would you like Akutagawa’s hummus? Or I can make you a diner!” he offered. “And I made you your favorite tea!”

Fyodor promptly ignored him.

“By the way, about Chuuya’s birthday....” he started but stopped. “No, now is not a good time. I’ll tell you later.”

All his friends threw him a displeased glare. Akutagawa hated how sometimes Fyodor would do something like that and then have them wait for the rest of the story of weeks. It was like he took some pleasure in watching their curiosity slowly kill them.

“Fyodor, we wanted to talk to you about something too,” Gin started. “Could you two go away?” she looked at Gogol and Sigma.

“Clean the borscht,” Fyodor demanded.

“It seems they won’t let it go, bro,” Gogol sighed and stood up. “Let’s go.”

Sigma groaned painfully but left kitchen alongside with his best friends. Fyodor smirked and took a sip of his black tea that Gogol managed to make for him although he failed with breakfast.

“So? I guess it’s roommate stuff?”

“Yeah...”

“Is Gin officially moving out?” Fyodor asked crooking his head a little bit like a curious child.

“What do you mean officially?!” Akutagawa gritted his teeth and sent his sister an angry glare.

“Well... She had been taking more and more of her stuff away lately. And she doesn’t spend many nights here anymore,” Fyodor shrugged. “But I guess having your head occupied with tigers you barely noticed.”

“I did. Just... Whatever.”

“So, is the tiger boy moving in or you were too scared to ask him yet? By the way, Ivan and Pushkin want your beds if you plan on throwing them out.”

“I guess they can have them... You don’t mind Atsushi moving in?”

“Not really. He’s cute,” Fyodor said it like it was a very valid argument. “Actually... I know, that Gogol is often pissing you off quite a lot, he had this thing where he likes to push people’s buttons or mess with them and you don’t like people like that.”

“I grew up with Dazai, I have high resistance for people as much as I despise their ways. You can invite him over as much as you want, Fyodor. If he makes you happy,” Akutagawa agreed, seeing what Fyodor was getting at.

Fyodor looked away. Akutagawa could swear he saw a hint of blush on his face.

“I guess he could, maybe,” he took another sip from the mug. “Although his teamaking skills are terrible. Utterly terrible. Just abysmal. This is disgusting.”

He stood up and poured the almost full mug of tea into the sink.

Chapter Text

Chuuya has been harassing Akutagawa for an entire week now. Akutagawa didn’t know what to do. Usually, it was him harassing Chuuya, not the other way around.

And, what is more, Chuuya was persistent. Incredibly persistent. He was there when Akutagawa wanted to eat lunch in the university cafeteria. He was there when Akutagawa got home, pretending that he had just came over to see Fyodor. He was there when Akutagawa went to get groceries at Little Ladybug. He even appeared out of nowhere when Akutagawa and Atsushi went for a walk one evening.

It was probably Fyodor’s or Dazai’s fault. Only those two could have provided Chuuya with so much intel on their friend’s whereabouts. And unfortunately for Akutagawa, Chuuya was close enough with both of them to have unlimited access to information which made hiding from Chuuya almost impossible.

Akutagawa just wanted to eat his bento without hearing all that nagging at least once this week. That’s why he chose a dangerous road to the only safe place at the university, André  Gide’s office in the French Language and Culture Department. Chances that he would run into Chuuya while creeping around the building’s corridor were high but it was worth the risk since Chuuya would never come to his professor’s office without making an appointment.

Surprisingly, soon he was right in front of the offices on the upper floor, with golden plaques on the doors indicating that they belonged to the stuff. He quickly found one that read ‘André Gide’. There was another name written under it but he hoped that it would be just André today or else it would be a little bit awkward.

He knocked. The door opened immediately and the tall French man he was hoping to see stood before him, smiling brightly. As soon as he recognized Akutagawa, the smile disappeared from his face.

“Damn, I thought you were Odasaku with my food. I’m disappointed. But you can come in,” he said, stepping aside. “Just close the door.”

Akutagawa did as he asked.

“Can I have my lunch here? I’m kind of running away from someone.”

André Gide nodded with understanding.

“Of course. Running away must be hard with your built. It was troublesome for me and I’m way more fit then you are,” he mentioned. “The question is: is there a story about it I want to hear?”

“I doubt that, it’s a pretty boring one. I can tell you about Gogol and Fyodor though.”

“You’re a good man,” André smirked.

Suddenly, there was a sound in the office that made Akutagawa freeze. It was a giggle. But not a giggle of another professor or a student.

It was a baby giggle.

Akutagawa was blankly staring at André’s desk. On it, there was a baby carrier. Inside it, a baby. A little girl or a trans boy, judging by a lovely pink dress she or he was wearing.

A baby. A less than two-year-old baby.

Akutagawa feared babies. He liked them. And they liked him. Never the less, he feared them.

“Why is there a baby here? Whose baby is this? What is going on?”

“Oh. That’s Catherine. Isn’t she cute?”

“Did you steal a baby for your husband? Shame on you, you can’t steal babies!”

“Akutagawa,” Odasaku suddenly came in without knocking, already sounding like a strict, angry parent. “Shut up, you’ll make her cry.”

He pushed bento boxes into his beaming husband’s chest and leaned in to kiss Catherine’s forehead. She let out a happy laughter.

“But... who is Catherine?” Akutagawa asked.

Odasaku and André started setting the table. Odasaku was rather calm and André was humming cheerful, clearly getting satisfaction from this situation. Or maybe he was just really happy to finally get his lunch. They opened the bentos Odasaku brought and set in on the desk, grabbed two more chairs and soon sat down to eat. Akutagawa had no other choice but to join them. After the first few bites, Odasaku spoke up since André was too occupied with the food.

“Catherine is André’s daughter. She’s living with us now,” he explained.

Akutagawa glared at the baby. It was less than two. For sure.

“I thought you said that you would kill him if he cheated on you.”

“I told you, Odasaku,” André said munching on his tuna. “I told you everyone will think I cheated on you if you start explaining it like that.”

“Don’t speak with your mouth full, it’s disgusting,” Odasaku asked him but there was little change for hope in his voice.

“I’m adapting. People in Japan are always loud when they eat so I want to be like them,” André sounded pretty serious.

“It’s not like that. At all.”

“Anyways, imagine me three years ago,” André returned to the subject. “Alissa and I broke up again so I was drowning in my misery...”

“You told me you felt happy and free,” Odasaku sighed.

“And then I visited my dear friend Maria and her husband, Théo. Great people. Great people,” he emphasized while nodding gently to make it his explanation more spectacular.

“To keep it short,” Odasaku interrupted his story.  “He had an affair with his friend’s teenage daughter, Elisabeth. When Maria found out, she was so pissed he needed to run away as far as possible. Rimbaud had just heard from Chuuya about a job opening here, sent a link to André and there he is. It was what? On our fifth date he just casually mentions ‘oh, and by the way, my ex is pregnant with my kid and her mother is really pissed at me’.”

“I just can’t imagine that she could have been pissed when her friend not only seduced her seventeen years old daughter but also get her pregnant. It just makes no sense,” Akutagawa couldn’t hold back his sarcasm.

“Stop destroying my image, Sakunosuke,” André scoffed.

“You’re probably eating this fast because you want to be the one to feed her,” Odasaku sassed him without any hesitation.

“Please, Odasaku. I already fed her so I win.”

Odasaku sighed in disbelief.

Akutagawa was utterly speechless. He was not expecting this to happen.

“So... for how long are you two parents now?”

“Two weeks.”

“You had a baby just before the slav party and you didn’t tell anyone. How dare you?”

“We didn’t want to steal Eurovision’s stoplight,” André pretended to care.

“How unexpectedly noble of you,” Akutagawa nodded with false appreciation.

“I think André was a little bit scared Eurovision would steal his spotlight. Weren’t you, dear?”

“I just want to celebrate our life together to the fullest, mon trésoir,” André winked. “And good thing I decided not to tell people because we would so loose. Mickiewicz, Sigma with broken nose in a bathtub full of spaghetti, Fyodor and Gogol making out...”

“WHAT?” Akutagawa’s hand hit the table so hard, Catherine let out a terrified cry. Odasaku sighed and picked her up before she would get even more terrified. Akutagawa stopped minding the environment, he was outraged that he had heard nothing about Fyodor and Gogol making out.

“You told me about it.” André shrugged. “Well, not me but I heard you talking in the kitchen the morning after the party...”

“God,” Akutagawa sighed. “It was just you exaggerating as per usual. Wow. They kissed once for your information. And mostly because Fyodor was so drunk he let it be.”

“So... did anything happen since then?” André asked leaning in a little bit. His eyes shined with the burning need to know all the gossip.

“André, it’s terrifying how you barely know them but need to find out all the details. Please, don’t use my friends’ friends for your sick writing,” Odasaku begged him.

“I just want to celebrate our life together to the fullest, mon tresoir,” André winked. “And good thing I decided not to tell people because we would so loose. Mickiewicz, Sigma with broken nose in a bathtub full of spaghetti, Fyodor and Gogol making out...”

“WHAT?” Akutagawa’s hand hit the table so hard, Catherine let out a terrified cry. Odasaku sighed and picked her up before she would get even more terrified. Akutagawa stopped minding the environment, he was outraged that he had heard nothing about Fyodor and Gogol making out.

“You told me about it.” André shrugged. “Well, not me but I heard you talking in the kitchen the morning after the party...”

“God,” Akutagawa sighed. “It was just you exaggerating as per usual. Wow. They kissed once for your information. And mostly because Fyodor was so drunk he let it be.”

“So... did anything happen since then?” André asked leaning in a little bit. His eyes shined with the burning need to know all the gossip.

“André, it’s terrifying how you barely know them but need to find out all the details. Please, don’t use my friends’ friends for your sick writing,” Odasaku begged him.

“I’m just really excited about the rumours, Odasaku! You know me! And the first kiss is a very important way to determine you the relationship will go from there! Look at us!”

Odasaku groaned at the memory.

“Do I want to know?” Akutagawa asked.

“It’s not that interesting,” Odasaku protested.

“We were going out for a dinner, I went to pick him up, he invited me in for a tea first, I was my usual charming self, I kissed him and we never left.”

Akutagawa glared at Odasaku.

“I always took you for a person with higher standards.”

“He has extremely high standards!” André defended his husband. “ It’s just that I meet them all before he even makes them up and when I don’t, I get special ones.”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s pure evil. By the way, how is moving in with Atsushi?”

“Not that much of a change, to tell the truth,” Akutagawa said, munching on his beloved shiozuke cucumbers. “I always thought it would change a lot but actually, it turns out he hated dorms so much he was at my place most of the time. But the new bed is comfortable. I just wish I had bought it sooner when I could fully enjoy it not now when I am being strangled by a cat-like creature every night.”

André Gide openly laughed at him, almost dropping his chopsticks.

“Please, never say the last sentence again,” Odasaku covered his daughter's ears. “It sounded so wrong I’m terrified André  might use it for his sick fanfiction.”

“Ignore him. He’s just pissed about me taking it slow with the writing lately. Maybe you talking about Fyodor and Gogol will make me more inspired,” André suggested. “They are both cute and nasty. I like it in people.”

“Fyodor has let Gogol take him out on a date this weekend,” Akutagawa shared. “I’m not sure what happened but I think Gogol hit Fyodor’s otaku side, I saw photos on the stairs from ‘Kimi No Na Ha’ and of them doing Sarazanmai kappa pose next to the golden kappa statue.”

Akutagawa for once managed to say ‘Sarazanmai’ and not start ranting about how he loved this anime. He wouldn’t lie if he said he was getting a little bit obsessed with it. It had everything. Desperation, sadness, destruction, jokes, songs, cuteness, love, otters, amazing plotline, intertextuality, strength to make an astonishing drama that rendered him utterly speechless after each episode even though it was pretending to be just an anime about magical boys. Well. At least it was pretending in the beginning, then it goes on the whole other level.

And, above all, it was about kappas. 

Ever since Akutagawa saw that photo, he was jealous. After all, he watched ‘Sarazanmai’ with Fyodor, Gogol and Gin every week, he wanted to be in this photo too. But on the other hand, doing kappa pose in public was not his style. He had some dignity.

Probably he should go with Gin at night. They could drag Atsushi with them so he could be their cameraman. Or Tachihara if there was no other way.

“Odasaku,” André suddenly looked extremely proud. “I told Gogol about how I’ve won you over and look! He’s using the same techniques to get to Fyodor!”

Oda was rather pessimistic.

“I don’t see that.”

“Please. It’s like when I read books to those brats and then asked you out for curry. You can’t not like someone who attacks you with things you love with such intensity. That’s what I said to Gogol. And he clearly listened.”

Akutagawa actually was pretty sure Gogol was planning the date with Fyodor for months or even years and André had little to do with the final outcome.

“Whatever it was,” Akutagawa said. “It worked. They are not dating yet but they are... it’s hard to explain.”

“Making love every day with a passion that doesn’t let you and your tiger-boyfriend sleep soundly at night?” André suggested seriously.

Akutagawa just glared at him. Odasaku, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to stab him with chopsticks.

“What did you read?”

“Don’t look at me this way. I found that romance novel on your bed table. Not mine. Yours,” André insisted. “By the way, when are you planning on going to the library for the next volumes? I really want to know what happens next.”

“If you are going to say things like you just did, then probably never.”

“Fine, I’ll get it today on my way home by myself,” André shrugged. “So, Gogol and Fyodor are doing something nasty?” he asked hopefully.

“I don’t think they even kissed since the party, “ Akutagawa destroyed his dreams without any mercy. “But they are acting cute. They are watching movies under one blanket, Gogol sometimes casually touches Fyodor and Fyodor doesn’t look like he minds, they even wash dishes together. If I didn’t know they were serious, I would say they want to embarrass all of us by having the cutest relationship in our social circle without even being in a relationship,” he stated with a serious face.

“Dazai would be so pissed if it was true,” Odasaku wondered. “Speaking of them, are you still running away from Chuuya?”

 “Yes,” Akutagawa admitted without looking at Odasaku, preoccupied with packing up his bento since the break was almost over and he had to get to his own faculty from here.

“Maybe just do what he asks? It would be easier,” Odasaku suggested.

“Doing what he asks would implement even bigger effort so no,” Akutagawa insisted. “Definitely no. Now, excuse me. I need to get to my lecture.”

He stood up. To his surprise, Odasaku did so too.

“I’ll walk you out. Probably it would be safer for you if I checked corridor in case Chuuya’s there, right?”

“Oh. That would be quite useful, actually.”

Odasaku opened the door and looked around.

“No Chuuya, let’s go.”

Akutagawa followed him to the next corner, and then stairs. They managed to get safely to the building’s side exit.

“It should be safe from here. Have a nice day,” Odasaku wished him.

“You too. Good luck dealing with your husband. And have fun with the baby.”

“I will.”

Akutagawa should have never trusted Odasaku. As soon as he opened the door he was face to face with Chuuya.

“Sorry, it’s just that he’s my best friend’s boyfriend,” Odasaku shrugged. “Good luck.”

Odasaku walked away. Akutagawa looked around, trying to find a way to escape. There was none. Chuuya took a step forward and smiled like his intentions were actually pure.

“So, Akutagawa, have you thought about...”

Akutagawa groaned and started running.

***

The following day, Akutagawa hid behind the history department to eat his bento in peace hoping that Chuuya wouldn’t venture to such a strange place. No one ever ventured there. Once again, Akutagawa underestimated his enemy.

“Do you have a tracking device plugged to my phone?” he demanded to know.

“It’s not that complicated for me to know things when I’m best friends with Fyodor and Dazai loves me,” Chuuya said mysteriously leaving Akutagawa with no answer about how he always was able to find him. “Akutagawa, please. Help me,” he asked for the thousandth time.

“Why do you chose to torment me and not someone else?”

“Akutagawa, you’re extremely capable when it comes to executing things. And people will listen to you.”

“That’s really sad that you need me, you know? And also proves it’s an extremely bad idea.”

“I will let you make it vegan,” Chuuya tempted him.

“Still no.”

“Atsushi will be proud.”

“Then ask Atsushi to help you, not me.”

Chuuya sighed heavily and laid down on the grass. He looked completely resigned.

“I just wanted my boyfriend to have a birthday party. Is he really that bad of a person that even his favorite kouhai won’t help me throw it?”

Akutagawa send him a hateful glare and just kept on eating his kappa zushi.

“Don’t think you will trick me into helping you out of pity. I won’t.”

“I’m someone who would trick you like this,” Chuuya insisted. “I fucking give up. This is too tiring.”

“Good. Would you like some tea?”

“Yes but you are a terrible person, Akutagawa,” Chuuya accused him.

Akutagawa just shrugged and passed him the cup.  

“I’m saving you right now from social embarrassment, Chuuya.”

Chuuya looked at him quizzingly. It was then that Akutagawa understood. Chuuya had no idea what was going on.

“I won’t help you because we’re all pissed that Dazai screwed up your birthday and I, along with probably the rest of all your common friends, think that he does not deserve his own party. And even if we would think otherwise, slav squad is going to strongly oppose and destroy any attempt of Dazai-centered celebration.“

Chuuya groaned loudly and fell down on the ground again.

“You couldn’t have told me that from the beginning?”

“I could. But then I would be even more of an asshole than you already think of me.”

“ And for your information, Dazai had something planned out for my birthday it’s my fault for not waiting and just going out with Fyodor again,” Chuuya defended his boyfriend. “You guys should really stop hating on him for that.”

Akutagawa rolled his eyes.

“I also want a vegan cake for the mental damage you’ve caused me. I have a fragile mind Chuuya. And your stalking traumatized me.”

“Please, Akutagawa,” Chuuya shrugged. “We’ve been through far worse things.”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“And I can’t make vegan cakes. And don’t send me the link to that tomato cake again. You do not put tomato in a cake, it’s not a cake anymore.”

“How dare you tell tomatoes what they can and can’t be, senpai?!” Akutagawa stood up in rage.

Chuuya sighed loudly and laid down on the grass. He pushed his hat on his face to cover the sun and tried to take a nap while Akutagawa screamed at him about how good vegan cakes could be.

***

Two weeks ago, Akutagawa thought living with Atsushi would bring a great change to his life. He assumed that Atsushi would be around all the time and deep down feared it would get troublesome or tiring. It turned out he was in the wrong because almost nothing had changed except for the fact that he had now a bigger bed that he had to share with his boyfriend and his plushies. And suddenly, he had to call when he wanted to talk to his sister. Just like in middle school when he was living with his uncle and Gin stayed with his father.

Another thing that changed was that Atsushi actually did study now in front of him. Akutagawa always was rather sceptical towards Atsushi claiming to be taking school seriously but it seemed now that he actually did. Therefore, strange books about animal diseases were suddenly everywhere, including, to Fyodor’s displeasure, on the kitchen table.

Akutagawa was starting to realize that as clumsy as Atsushi might have seemed to him, in a few years he was going to be an amazing veterinarian. And it made him proud.

Although Atsushi was quite busy with school, job at Little Ladybug and social life, Akutagawa still expected to see him, not Dazai, in the living room when he got home.

Dazai was lying down on their carpet and Fyodor who was sitting at the couch poked his chest with his feat like he was stomping on Dazai. Apparently it gave Fyodor some wild satisfaction and Dazai clearly stopped caring since he had his eyes closed and probably attempted to have a nap.

“Do I want to know what you two are doing?” Akutagawa asked.

“We’re practising Marais’s ‘Le Labyrinthe’,” Dazai explained without opening his eyes.

“It doesn’t look like that.”

“We’re warming up,” Fyodor explained.

“I see. I will leave you two to it,” Akutagawa was about to go to his room when he stopped and turned to them once again. “Or actually, I changed my mind. I will give you two hell for screwing up Chuuya’s birthday.”

“Spare it. I think it was already the biggest, the most cruel fight we’ve ever had,” this time Fyodor stomped on Dazai’s face.

Dazai pushed his foot away.

 “We agreed never to involve Chuuya in our fights like that because we both ended up feeling pretty shitty,” he sighed.

Akutagawa sat down by Fyodor’s side and asked seriously:

“What really did happen?”

“Dazai had a concert on Chuuya’s birthday and of course invited him,” Fyodor started.

“I was going to do Chuuya’s favorite pieces and like half of the school knew I changed the program because of my boyfriend,” Dazai glared coldly at Fyodor. “And I had a present and a dinner reservation for later. But I kinda forgot that pissed off Chuuya is not rational. Since I didn’t have time to call him the whole day he felt so neglected he called Fyodor. And Fyodor stole Chuuya.”

“I didn’t. It’s just we were at Sigma and Gogol’s place then and he kind of got drunk. And didn’t go to Dazai’s concert because drunk pissed off Chuuya is even worse than a sober one.”

“He’s your friend, you should have told him to come to my concert not pour him more vodka.”

“I really don’t like you, I enjoyed how he was complaining about you and suddenly it got too late.”

“You’re an asshole, Fyodor.”

“I only did nothing in the situation you’ve worsened so gravely in the first place. One sincere happy birthday text and he would probably be yours, hat thief.”

“You are both terrible,” Akutagawa stopped them. “I take it Chuuya knows nothing?”

They didn’t respond and Akutagawa took it as a confirmation.

“Chuuya had been harassing me whole week so I help him organize your birthday party, senpai,” Akutagawa sighed. “I hate it.”

Dazai and Fyodor exchanged a look. Then slowly they nodded like a pair of creepy twins. They turned to Akutagawa.

“You will help Chuuya, my little kouhai,” Dazai announced.

“And we will use your party to throw a surprise late birthday party for Chuuya,” Fyodor smiled. “Chuuya will be happy.”

“I did not agree to help you with any of that,” Akutagawa protested.

“But you will.”

“I’m too tired to deal with you two,” he sighed. “I need a rest. Don’t bother me unless you two make a vegetarian dinner.”

Without waiting for them to respond he turned to his room. Immediately, they started complotting in hushed voices, clearly already putting some scheme in motion. Akutagawa just hoped they wouldn’t need him after all. 

Chapter Text

June has started and brought the hellish fire into Akutagawa’s life. The ozone layer seemed to be fed up with people polluting the environment and left the whole population to be scorched by the sun, no matter who they were.

That’s how the heat almost killed Akutagawa too, even though he was fighting for the good side.

As soon as he entered his home, escaping from deadly temperature outside, he took off his shoes and rushed to the kitchen to get anything cool to drink. Stupid Japan with stupid vending machines full of stupid plastic bottles. He almost succumbed to his primal needs on the way home but somehow he managed to stay in control. But if he was going to keep on living without cold water a minute longer, he was going to perish.

However, he was forced to stop at the kitchen doorstep in shock. Fyodor and Gogol were washing the dishes. Well, now Fyodor was just drying them and Gogol was just hugging him from behind, arms around Fyodor’s waist, head on his shoulder.

However, he was forced to stop at the kitchen doorstep in shock. Fyodor and Gogol were washing the dishes. Well, now Fyodor was just drying them and Gogol was just hugging him from behind, arms around Fyodor’s waist, head on his shoulder.

Akutagawa tried to ignore them as he stole a glass from Fyodor’s hand and went straight for the fridge and luckily found some cold mugicha. Only after three glasses he allowed himself to look at his friends.

Fyodor managed to preserve most his dignity and now was no longer in Gogol’s grasp. Gogol was leaning against the kitchen counter, carefully watching Fyodor’s every move. They were talking in Russian but it didn’t seem like anything important Fyodor even let out a giggle at some point.

Akutagawa filled his glass again but this time he took his time drinking it. Fyodor, of course, noticed the change instantly.

“Akutagawa, do you want to watch something with us tonight?”

After a few more sips, Akutagawa glanced at both of them, trying to read the air and their intentions. Both of them were smiling in a very disturbing way. Akutagawa took a step back, unconsciously trying to protect himself from the Slav insanity.

 “I won’t interrupt your date, enjoy yourselves. Now, I need to change,” he pointed at his long-sleeved black shirt that caused him a lot of suffering along with his dark jeans.

“I’m still amazed that you went out in that,” Gogol smirked.

“We wanted to watch a Serbian horror movie Shibusawa found. You remember Shibusawa, right? He was at the last party.”

“He almost scared Atsushi to death for fun but he had pretty hair,” Akutagawa nodded. “But wait. Is it a good horror movie? Or a bad funny one?”

“Dude,” Gogol approached him and, breaking the rules of Japanese society, put a hand on Akutagawa’s shoulder. “It’s everything you've been dreaming of.”

“Then, let’s do it on Friday. Atsushi probably wants to watch it too, and I’ll invite Kyouka. You guys get Sigma.”

“Sorry to say that, but that ship is sinking faster than fatherland’s boats did in Russo-Japanese war in 1905. Tanizaki got Sigma a date on Sunday,” Gogol explained.

Akutagawa paled.

“I do not agree to that. You bring Sigma. I will try convincing Kyouka. And let’s be honest here. We are talking about a blind date and Kyouka, of course, Kyouka will win.”

Fyodor seemed to be very amused by the whole situation.

“I don’t mind seeing her punch him again. Let’s have fun on Friday then. Gogol, let’s go. We have people to kill.”

“With pleasure.”

Without any more explanation, they disappeared in the darkness of Fyodor’s room. Akutagawa sighed and washed his glass.  He really hoped Fyodor was talking about a game. Then, he finally went to his room to get rid of his those uncomfortable clothes.

He almost got another heart attack when instead of an empty room, he saw his boyfriend sprawled over the bed with a book about what seemed to be cat’s intestines, headphones stuck on his head and music playing loud enough that he didn’t even hear Akutagawa enter. He was just starring at textbook, eyes glued to a picture description, reading the same sentence over and over again, with horror and desperation typical for students who were already able to somehow survive their first year and knew how hellish the exams could be.

Only when Akutagawa threw a bag near his head, Atsushi had noticed him. Immediately, he took the headphones off and pushed the textbook away. His expression also changed instantly, he was smiling warmly at Akutagawa.

“Welcome home.”

“Hi, you have to study?”

“Not really? We could go somewhere if you want.”

“No. No outside.”

Atsushi actually dared to giggle at him for saying that. Akutagawa just rolled his eyes, showing off his disappointment in Atsushi. He opened the closet and started undressing. He could feel Atsushi’s eyes on him.

“We can watch Chinese historical dramas if you want.”

Neverminding the lack of a shirt, Akutagawa took few steps to the bed and leaned in to ruffle Atsushi’s hair in a tender gesture.

“I guess that’s the real reason I like living with you.”

“That’s a really bad reason, you know that?” Atsushi talked back even though Akutagawa’s hand massaging his scalp made him smile blissfully.

“And what is yours?” Akutagawa asked.

“I’ll tell you in a minute.”

Akutagawa turned his back on him and put on some tank top and shorts. He let out a relieved sigh. It was way better than his previous outfit. Atsushi was giggling again.

“What?” he asked him accusingly.

“Nothing. Just you in shorts.”

“Like you are any better. You think your Indian pants are looking good? Your ass is huge in them.”

“At least I don’t look like an anorectic or skeleton that escaped from school lab,” Atsushi retorted immediately. “But I still think you’re very hot.”

“Don’t say that cursed word around me,” Akutagawa scoffed. “A minute has passed.”

“Are you really taking it literally?” Atsushi blinked.

“Yes,” Akutagawa glared at him, unwilling to accept any protest.

“I really like seeing you in things like those shorts...” Atsushi muttered shyly.

Akutagawa did not hesitate to throw his dirty clothes at him. He aimed perfectly on Atsushi’s head and soon Atsushi got covered in darkness he needed to dig out of.

“You are such a pervert at times, Atsushi,” Akutagawa disdained.

“I did not mean it like that! I just...” Atsushi blushed. “I really like seeing you at ease with me, dressed comfortably, not minding me at all and...” he tried but stopped. “I don’t know, you always were really closed off and stiff, it took you a long time to open up to me or to trust me.”

“And the metaphor for that is my shorts,” Akutagawa mocked him. “What an amazing tiger poet you are.”

“Come on, you know what I mean,” Atsushi wouldn’t let it go. “You always care too much about your looks and style, no matter what you claim. But nowhere you are, in a tank top that is way too big for you and shorts.”

“You are crazy sometimes,” Akutagawa sighed. “You realize it’s just really hot? And that Gogol is here so he will be able to see me in shorts too?”

The truth was, Akutagawa didn’t really care about Gogol’s opinion. If Sigma or anyone else would be here he would probably decide to dress again. But not Gogol. He had very little respect for Gogol.

“Gogol is here?” Atsushi was surprised.

“Seriously, what music you were listening to that you barely noticed anything?”

“Just some music Chuuya sent me,” Atsushi shrugged.

“Of course, it was Chuuya’s music,” Akutagawa guessed out of all their friends Chuuya listened to the loudest bands. “Don’t go deaf because of it, it would be a pain in the ass when we’re old.”

“That was just the meanest confession that you want to spend life with me,” Atsushi stretched out with a soft smile on his face. “Hey, at what point of our lives are we getting a cat?” he suddenly remembered.

“I never said I’d get a cat with you,” Akutagawa avoided his eyes because he knew it wasn’t the truth.

“You did.”

“I don’t need two cats in my life, Atsushi. You are enough trouble.”

Atsushi glared at him. Akutagawa quickly thought it through. Of course, in any future Akutagawa could imagine, Atsushi would be an old cat lady. Possibly Akutagawa would be living with Akutagawa but a horde of cats was inevitable.

He had some time to get used to the idea of getting a cat with Atsushi. But not yet. Because if they happened to break up, Akutagawa knew that they would fight to death over their future pets.

The silence fell hard on them.  Atsushi looked like he wanted to say something but out of the blue, a strange expression appeared on his face, a mixture of uneasiness and discomfort. He quickly rolled over and covered himself in blankets.

Akutagawa guessed he might have gone a little bit too far this time although he didn’t really notice it. Still, life, his sister, Kyouka, Dazai, even André  Gide have taught him what should he do in situations like that.

He sat down next to the blanket burrito of his boyfriend and gently patted him on what he hoped to be his head.

“I really like you, Atsushi, “ he said.

He could not apologize without knowing why exactly should he but he could distract Atsushi by saying something nice.

“Not enough to have a cat with me,” Atsushi mumbled.

“We can get a cat in a year,” Akutagawa offered. “And we’ll sign a prenup. Well, kind of a prenup. Because I won’t have you feeding my cat meat.”

Atsushi suddenly unwrapped himself from his blankets and stared at his boyfriend with worry.

“Are you serious?”

“What? Fine, nine months. But I’m not going any lower.”

“Ryuu,” Atsushi asked seriously. “You like cats. And you want to have a cat in the future. And we are talking about a cat. Not a dog. Right?”

“I don’t see your point,” Akutagawa glared at him.

“Ryuu. I thought you knew. I mean. It’s basic knowledge. Dogs are omnivore. They can be vegan. Cats are carnivore. And you know what it means.”

Akutagawa glared at him in shock, not able to preserve even a bit of dignity.

“What?”

“Cats live on meat, Ryuu. Sorry.”

“You are lying.”

„Google it if you don’t believe me.”

With shaking hands Akutagawa reached for his phone and typed if cats can be vegan.

Atsushi wasn’t lying. Cats were carnivore. They wouldn’t survive on vegan food.

All the cats he has petted in his life were traitors, except for Atsushi. Atsushi saw that Akutagawa was trembling in rage and kissed his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Ryuu. I really thought you knew.”

“Here! This website says that there is vegan cat food!”

“Cats need amino acid called taurine which can be found only in animal sources like meat, milk and so on. Even if there is vegan cat food a cat won’t survive solely on that.”

Akutagawa dropped his phone after that. They laid on the bed in complete silence for a few minutes. The universe once again cheated Akutagawa.

Finally, he moved a little bit so he could hide his face in Atsushi’s chest. Soon, Atsushi started stroking his hair, in a calming way. Akutagawa closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.

“If I won’t be able to feed our cat you are going to win it in the divorce. I hate it.”

Atsushi’s hand in his hair froze.

“You’re still okay with getting a cat?”

“Maybe. In the future. Give me some time. Possibly a lot.”

“Whatever you need.”

***

It was late Thursday afternoon and Atsushi was slowly walking home back from a lecture. Akutagawa let him know that he’s going out with Gin so there would no dinner waiting for him so he was deliberating on whether to stop by Little Ladybug in his way home or hope there was still something to eat in the fridge. There should be something. But whatever he was going to make from it wouldn’t be close in quality to Akutagawa-made dinners.

He got spoiled. Terribly spoiled and he knew that.

Suddenly, he heard something crumble in the garbage container close to him, accompanied by loud, painful cat meowing. Returning back to reality, without hesitation, Atsushi rushed toward the container and opened it to find a huge black cat inside. It didn’t have any collar and to be honest, even if it would, Atsushi would never think it was someone’s cat. It was rather dirty and somewhat beaten up with quite a lot of scars. Even now, it’s paw was bleeding and a small glass shard sticking out of the wound.

Instantly, Atsushi thought about Akutagawa and how much he hated Japan’s terrible recycling system. He had to admit, if it was better, there would be no glass shard here.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” he reassured the cat in warm, calm voice. “I will just look at your paw. I’m studying to be a veterinarian, you know? I will help you.”

The cat just hissed at him and took a step back, cringing in pain.

Atsushi sighed. He took a step back and opened his backpack looking for the bento box with few pieces of kappa sushi he had left. He broke it in pieces and offered one to the cat.

The black beast seemed a little suspicious at first but then it cocked its head and carefully sniffed the food. After first, reluctant lick, it decided not to hesitate anymore and eat the whole thing. Reddish eyes glared at Atsushi, clearly wanting more.

He stretched out his hand to pet the cat. It didn’t seem too pleased about it but it had let him go on. Atsushi have him one more piece of sushi and then carefully lifted the animal and placed in on the ground to access the condition of the hurt paw.

It looked bad but not terrible. He wasn’t sure but probably it didn’t need sewing. He still wanted to get the glass out in the most painless way and disinfect the wound properly. Fortunately, there was a konbini just around the corner.

Atsushi begged the cat to wait in front of the store, leaving him with few more pieces of sushi and promise of more. He went inside and quickly bought some sanitary alcohol, bandage, tweezers and a can of cat food. He just hoped Akutagawa wouldn’t find out about it.

Fortunately, the cat was still waiting outside, clearly hoping for food. Atsushi noticed that it was skinny, even for a cat that lived on the streets. He wished he could take it home but there were so many stray cats in the neighbourhood, he couldn’t take them all.

Although this particular one reminded him a little of his boyfriend with his black fur and distrustful glare. If Akutagawa was a cat he would be hissing and scratching people all the time, probably.

He gave the cat some of the food to distract it and waited. As soon as the cat was pleased and done with eating Atsushi started tending to his wound.

“Now, stay calm... I promise I have more, you will get it in a few minutes. You know, if you were cleaner, you would be such a beautiful cat. I bet Ryuu would love you, he likes it when animals look like demons. But he wouldn’t touch you like this he pretends he’s fine but he doesn’t like touching things that are a bit dirty. Dazai-san told me he used to be way worse before he started hating on plastic, it has actually forced him to touch dirty things like vegetables at the market,” he blabbered while tending to cats paw, hoping his voice would calm it down. Strangely enough, it seemed to work, the cat was looking at him quizzingly, waiting for him to continue.

 The glass was gone now thanks to the tweezers. He was now disinfecting the wound again, to cat’s displeasure. When it was done, he started wrapping in bandages in the manner they had thought him in class.

“So yeah, Ryuu is kind of weird... But I think not as weird as our roommate. We live with this Russian guy who has a carpet pinned to his bedroom wall. He told us it’s not really that strange in Russia and makes him feel more at home here. He also keeps complaining that in Japan there is no buckwheat kasha. He was complaining so much and I didn’t want to look stupid in front of Ryuu because back then we were just friends so I googled it. Turns out it is wheat that you make soba from. Slavs eat it. Slavs are so weird,” Atsushi sighed heavily. “Ok, it’s done.”

He finally let go of the cat’s paw and scratched it behind the ear. The cat didn’t purr, only tossed a bamboozled look at the bandages. It tried walking a bit and since the wound didn’t seem to hurt that much right now. Satisfied, the cat rubbed itself against Atsushi’s legs, showing his gratitude. The boy smiled, glad he was able to help.

“Here, eat some more. I will come tomorrow to feed you and check on the paw, okay?”

He scratched the cat again but it jumped away with newly found confidence. Atsushi sighed. Stray cats usually were distrustful, there was little he could do, he was fortunate enough the cat had let him bandage its paw.

Atsushi gave the rest of the food to the cat who ate it reluctantly but still hungrily. Then the boy left. He really wished he could do more for the cat but he knew he needed to be realistic. Even if Akutagawa would be willing to accept taking a cat in right now, even for a night or a few days so it’s paw could heal, Atsushi shouldn’t go around picking up every stray cat he saw in the streets.  Or they would end up with ten cats in no time.

He has not realized he has been followed until he saw a dark shadow sneak into his apartment as soon as he opened the door. He cursed quietly as it disappeared under the couch. Although it was extremely fast, he recognized the shape and white bandage immediately.

Atsushi quickly took off his shoes, closed the door and ran to the living room. He got on his knees but of course, the cat has moved on to a new hiding place.

Atsushi felt the panic rising in him. What he should do? This cat was smart. Far too smart too be real. It had followed him like a professional spy, perfectly assessed an opportunity in opening door. And now, it was here, in his apartment, and he literally had no idea what to do.

“Fyodor!” he yelled but met with silence. “Fyodor, it’s an emergency, you have to help me! Really!” he insisted, knowing that his roommate rarely came out of his room when he didn’t want to.

“Fyodor!” he repeated, tossing quick glares all around the living room.

Finally, the Russian appeared in the living room.

“Are you dying, tiger boy? That would be sad.”

“There is a cat hiding somewhere in this apartment.”

At first, Atsushi thought Fyodor would ridicule him but to his surprise, for once he had been taken seriously by the man. Fyodor cocked his head, rather curious than upset about the whole thing.

“What kind of cat are we talking about?”

“Big, black, a little furry. Rather demonic, has a bandaged paw.”

“Wow, you really took a good look instead of catching it.”

“I found it on the street, bandaged it’s paw and fed it,” Atsushi started going around a room to check if the cat wasn’t hiding anywhere but his real goal was to avoid Fyodor’s all-knowing glare.

“Of course you did. Didn’t you expect it to follow you after?”

“It was kind of mean, I thought it would rather go away.”

“Mean things tend to like you, Atsushi. One of them is even shacking up with you and look! Another one wants to move in right now!”

Atsushi had trouble guessing if Fyodor was mad or just mocking him. He still rather bad at reading Fyodor, although he did improve slowly. It was just Fyodor who was a little strange.

“I will set a trap. You look around the other rooms.”

The cat was nowhere to be found. They made some quick dinner before and set a trap as well. The trap was actually a platter of meat and cucumbers that they set next to the couch in hopes that the cat would come out.

Bored with waiting, they’ve ended up in front of the TV, with Fyodor’s laptop plugged in, screening anime from some sort of illegal website. Atsushi got really engaged in the plot of this dark seinen Zootopia and when Fyodor explained that the anime had just started and has barely four episodes, Atsushi made up his mind to stop by a book-off as soon as possible and buy as many manga volumes as he could.

They both looked up at the sound of the unlocking door. Atsushi wanted to stop the video to greet his boyfriend but the idea of touching Fyodor’s laptop was rather terrifying.

“Hi, Ryuu! Look, I need to tell you something...” Atsushi started.

“I’m tired, Jinko, I need a bath first,” Akutagawa coldly cut him off. “I’ll come back later,” he tosses a judgmental look at the TV screen, full of panicking animals running around. “Or never. We’ll see.”

“Sure, have fun,” Atsushi smiled faintly. “But call me when you’re done, okay?”

Akutagawa didn’t respond, he just disappeared in the corridor. Atsushi and Fyodor looked at each other. Atsushi’s eyes were filled with worry whereas Fyodor’s with malicious entertainment.

“What if it attacks him? Animals don’t like Ryuu in general,” Atsushi whispered.

“It didn’t come out for hours now, and even if it does, it will be fun,” Fyodor smiled.

Suddenly, Akutagawa reentered the living room holding a cat in front of him like it was contagious. Atsushi cocked his head, confused. How has Akutagawa found it so quickly? But now, that whole belly was visible, they finally found out that the cat was a boy.

“What is this dirty thing?” Akutagawa asked with hate sounding in his voice.

“He hurt a paw so I bandaged it for him,” Atsushi explained, feeling a little scared. “Then it kind of followed me and snuck into the apartment. We’ve been looking for him for hours but couldn’t find him.”

“He was in my closet. It’s so fucking dirty, I need to make a laundry now. I am going to wash it.”

“You can’t use human shampoo on cats, Ryuu,” Atsushi pointed out.

“Then what are you still doing here?” Akutagawa suddenly sounded like a very confident and terrifying slave driver. “Run to Little Ladybug and buy some cat shampoo.”

Atsushi rushed out of the door, trying not to anger Akutagawa any further. But, as he was running to Little Ladybug, he understood something. Akutagawa didn’t say anything about throwing the cat out, he did the exact opposite deciding that it needed to be washed.

 Were they keeping it?

Atsushi ended up smiling for the rest of the way.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa wondered why had he assumed that anything in his life should ever be okay.

Sure. There were exceptions. Atsushi was there, Kyouka was a good friend. He could count on Gin. Fyodor finally was starting to get better at kanji.

Those small bright things in the somberness that was his life in this awful country of plastic and almost non-existing recycling system gave him fake hope and made him think that things in his life would be okay.

Like the movie night.

They ended up meeting a week later but fortunately, Gogol had messed up the dates and it was still before Sigma’s date. Even though they had postponed, Shibusawa had guts to actually just pass Fyodor the movie and never come. It was the hint they should have noticed.  But Akutagawa assumed his own life wasn’t a brilliant manga so there wouldn’t be any foreshadowing to the upcoming disaster.

They all gathered in front of the TV, Kyouka taking a spot in an armchair that she judged a safe distance from Sigma who kept on telling her how beautiful she was in his opinion but since this time he was sober, he managed to be less creepy about it.

Akutagawa wished he could say that the movie wasn’t that creepy either. Maybe creepy was not a good word. It was bad and gross. Disturbingly stupid and illogical to the point where it irritated him. But mostly gross. And over-sexualized just to shock the audience even more in a way that truly pissing Akutagawa off.

And then the dog died.

Akutagawa was not a big fan of dogs but that just did it. He couldn’t put up with that stupid garbage of a movie anymore.

“I am not watching this trash anymore. Enjoy yourselves.”

“Stay. I agree with the vegan vampire. Let’s watch a better movie!” Gogol suggested hitting the pause button. Even he seemed to be put off by the film and it was rare since Gogol was usually the type to enjoy pretty much everything. “Anyone objecting? Fyodor, what do you want to watch?”

“You realize there are more people here,” Akutagawa hissed. Fortunately, Rashoumon, the cat that followed Atsushi home this week, jumped on his lap and demanded to be petted.

Atsushi had no idea Akutagawa had already named the cat and adopted it in his mind. For all his boyfriend knew, the cat was only staying until the paw was healed. They took him to the vet the following day after it appeared, making sure he was healthy otherwise.

Somehow, Rashoumon had warmed his way into Akutagawa’s heart. He realized that but tried to keep his dignity and pretended nothing has changed. Although, he almost broke when Atsushi posted the picture of Rashoumon online to look for his real owners. (Possible previous owners, he was Akutagawa’s now.)

The cat ended up loving Akutagawa too after the week they have spent together. Since the beginning, Akutagawa was his favourite but now there was no question to it. While he would jump on Akutagawa and sleep in his laps constantly, he treated others with distance and worry, at times hate. For example, Rashoumon despised Gogol for some reason. Scratch marks on his forearm were a solid proof of that. Yet, the cat purred every time Akutagawa touched him. The boy wasn’t exactly complaining.

“Let’s watch the movie about killer tomatoes,” Fyodor suggested.

“I vote for old alien movies,” Kyouka overruled.

“I agree with the pretty lady,” Sigma quickly stepped in.

Kyouka rolled her eyes, clearly not pleased with Sigma at all. Akutagawa couldn’t understand why she was so picky. Sigma was a wonderful guy. And if she didn’t act now, he would probably get stolen by the end of the weekend.

“Well, I am kind of trying to woo Fyodor so killer tomatoes it is,” Gogol decided, starting to search for the movie on the Internet.

“Gogol, have some self-respect,” to everyone’s surprise Fyodor let out a tired sigh and Gogol stopped immediately. “Little Tiger, what do you want?”

“Alien movie?” Atsushi asked looking around worrying about causing trouble to anyone.

Akutagawa had to admit, Atsushi was terribly thoughtful. It wouldn’t hurt him to be a little more confident but at the same time, it was kind of endearing. In one quick forceful move, he pulled the boy’s shirt causing him to fall back closer to him on the couch. Fyodor glared.

“If you want to hug him, Akutagawa, just do so instead of terrorizing him.”

Akutagawa had some suspicions that Fyodor was in a bad mood today but that did it. Now was entirely sure Fyodor was in a terrible mood today. He pitied Gogol who would have to deal with it more than anyone else.

“So what? Which alien movie do you want? I demand it has robots,” Gogol insisted.

After a brainstorming session and scrolling through some reviews online, they decided on a movie so old, it was not even in colour. It was surprisingly good. Although Fyodor kept complaining. It didn’t help that at some point they have turned the whole event into a drinking game so by the end of the movie they were more or less completely drunk.

Of course, Fyodor ended up drinking the most and was the only person who actually hated the movie.

“It makes no sense!” he let out infuriated hiss. “Why did he manage to kill it?! I hate it when the main protagonists think that they are special and get privileges, it’s so unrealistic, sure there are talented people but still, rules of society and physics should apply to them and that asshole here should have died at least two times.”

“We know, you complained quite loudly,” Akutagawa pointed out quite bored with Fyodor’s obsession with special people, to be honest.

“I wish I was special, school and life would be hella easier if I were half as privileged as brilliant young master Fyodor Mikhailovich sitting here,” Gogol muttered grimly, taking a gulp of his drink.

“What did you just call me?” Fyodor spit out clearly irritated to the very core but still trying to make Gogol seem petty and insane, not himself.

“You are privileged, Fyodor. You’re rich, smart, talented, smart again because you are super smart. And don’t get me started on the way you look, you know I’m hot for you.”

Fyodor looked as if he was about to murder him. Gogol didn’t avert his eyes but look right back at him.

“Guys, don’t fight,” Sigma begged.

“Atsushi,” Kyouka whispered to her friend who was the closest. “Are they really fighting? I thought they were complimenting each other.”

“I’m not sure but their fights are weird, just accept it,” Atsushi whispered back.

The epic word battle between Fyodor and Gogol, although  Akutagawa considered their rare fights being not epic at all, never escalated since  Fyodor’s phone abruptly started playing cheerful melody.

“Belka!” Gogol suddenly shouted in joy. “Remember to say hi from me this time? Okay?”

“Pick it up yourself and tell Chuuya that if Dazai is there I am not approaching this phone.”

Akutagawa blinked when Gogol without hesitation took the phone from Fyodor. They were all rather terrified to touch Fyodor’s stuff but it looked like Gogol was getting some special treatment lately since Fyodor didn’t even wince.

“Hey, Fyodor, just not to end on bad foot here, I wanna say that I also admire how hardworking you are. And that’s not something you were lucky to be born with but that’s something you achieved yourself, “ Gogol said, suddenly returning to the previous subject. Akutagawa noticed a slight blush on Fyodor’s face. He looked like he wanted to respond but didn’t make it time since Gogol had already put the smartphone against his ear. “Yo, Belka! What’s up?”

“You ley Gogol touch your stuff,” Akutagawa didn’t wait to point out to Gogol’s visible happiness but also knew that mentioning Fyodor’s blush would be a dangerous move.

“I let you touch my stuff too. From time to time. Sigma is getting there. Atsushi is slowly earning some points. And Kyouka once almost spilt that juice on my laptop during Eurovision so she’s on the very bottom. Without hope for touching my stuff ever.”

“You let Gogol touch your stuff all the time,” Atsushi joined Akutagawa. “I even saw him playing on your Switch the other day.”

“Do you want to join Kyouka in hell, tiger boy?” Fyodor asked sweetly, cocking his head a little bit.

“You’re so in love with Gogol, Fyodor, aren’t you?” Kyouka dug deeper to Sigma’s visible horror.

Fyodor looked like he wanted to yell at them but out of the blue grinning Gogol pulled him closer to his side and squeezed him like a human-sized teddy bear. And he didn’t stop listening to Chuuya on the phone as he was doing that. Fyodor pretended to struggle a bit to get out of the embrace but he wasn’t fooling anyone with how little effort he put into it.

“Yeah, Belka,” he finally talked. “I’m gonna stop you right there, just shut up with this rant. I get that you want to apologize for yesterday but it’s not your fault and to be honest Dazai’s neither. I did some pretty good job cheering Fyodor up too so it’s okay.”

“Tell him Dazai will burn in hell either way,” Fyodor asked with a treacherously kind smile on his face.

“Dazai’s not there, you can talk to Chuuya on your own if you want,” Gogol offered. Fyodor reached out his hand to take back his phone but Gogol jumped away. “Whoa, not so fast or I’ll get jealous!”

“Shut up, Gogol,” Fyodor’s words have been harsh but his tone was divulging his amusement. Akutagawa even noticed a small curve of a smile in the corner of his lips. Fyodor stole his own phone away with the skill of a professional thief this time and put it against his ear. “Hi, Chuuya! No, seriously, it’s fine, would you like to do a French movie night next week?”

Fyodor stood up and walked to his room for some privacy.

“Did Dazai do something again?” Kyouka asked.

“He won a cello competition, they announced awards yesterday. It was a one that Fyodor was really working hard for. Fyodor came in second but you know him, he cares less about the prize than beating Dazai,” Akutagawa explained knowingly.

 For the most part, he gained this knowledge because of a fight he and Fyodor had over scrambled eggs this morning. Fyodor seemed to be channelling his anger into those innocent never born babies, violently stabbing them with spatula and Akutagawa just couldn’t stand there and watch. So he yelled. And then it took both Atsushi and Rahoumon to calm him down. Also, Fyodor explaining that when his torturing the eggs he’s actually thinking about Dazai.

“Hey, Aku, almost fight with Fyodor stressed me out, I need a smoke. Can I?” Gogol politely asked. He was much more cautious about smoking ever since Akutagawa started destroying his cigarettes when he wasn’t asking for permission or smoked in the living room.

“Kitchen. Open the window. And turn on the hood.”

“Sure.”

He left. Atsushi readjusted himself so he was even closer to Akutagawa right now. The cat had jumped off and gracefully and without any rush followed Gogol to the kitchen, either to stalk him or in hope for some treat.

“Hey, why does he always ask you? I live here too,” Atsushi pouted.

“Learn to be more threatening and people will start fearing you too,” Akutagawa answered. “You have a lot of learning material. Me, the cat, even Kyouka. But not Sigma. Sigma is just handsome and cute.”

“That was a very weird thing to say,” Sigma complained. “And I can be frightening. Really.”

“You are handsome and cute,” Atsushi agreed. “And I would say the most trustworthy of the whole slav squad. Maybe you want to switch rooms with Fyodor, Sigma? Not that we don’t love Fyodor.”

“That’s so... nice of you guys,” Sigma actually blushed. “But I’m good, I have a really nice place. Especially when Gogol finally moves out, it’s going to be really spacious.”

“Gogol is finally looking for his own home?” Akutagawa let his surprise show in his voice.

“I mean... He. Fyodor. You two. Here,” Sigma explained for once forfeiting beautiful phrasing to get the information through.

Akutagawa and Atsushi looked at each other. They knew they were thinking the same thing. They looked back at Sigma.

“No,” they refused simultaneously.

“You guys are mean,” Kyouka sighed.

“This place is too small for four people,” Akutagawa insisted. “Especially when half of them eat meat. And one smokes.”

“We need space for future cats,” Atsushi nodded but the truth was he just wanted to be alone with Akutagawa more and with Fyodor always at home and Gogol over every other day, it was hard enough.

“By the way, what are you two going to do when Fyodor’s baboulenka will visit in a month? I mean, you don’t have enough beds,” Sigma pointed out.

“Pardon?” Akutagawa cringed knowing there would be a fight over the apartment with Fyodor and Fyodor was a truly mighty opponent.

The talk was suddenly disturbed by Gogol’s loud shriek, followed by a lot of Russian and Ukrainian curse words. They all looked nervously in the direction of the kitchen.

“Fyodor, come out, it’s important” they heard Gogol say.

Soon both of them appeared in the living room, Fyodor with smartphone still attached to his ear while his wrist was being pulled by terrified Gogol. Gogol still had his cigarette out lit up which has seriously angered Akutagawa.

“That thing you are holding. Get rid of it, immediately.”

Gogol looked puzzled at first. He looked at Fyodor.

“I really don’t want to get rid of you, I love you.”

“He means the cigarette, you idiot,” Fyodor illuminated him.

“Oh, right.”

To the disgust of everyone in the room, Gogol just threw the cigarette into of the almost empty drinks on the table. Then, suddenly, he was fully back into his panicked state.

“So... You are probably going to kill me, I get it... I’m pretty scared Aku will use his ex who I heard has a lot of experience with knives and cutting meat at Little Ladybug... So well. Yeah. So I made myself some kielbasa ‘cuz why not, it’s good kielbasa and I like kielbasa. So I cut it, laid it down on the plate, and left the rest of the kielbasa on the cutting board since it was so good I would probably want some more, then I opened up the window and so on since you don’t like me smoking in here and...”

“Why do we have a kielbasa here? It’s Polish food, Gogol,” Fyodor nudged him with his elbow. “No Polish food in this house, that’s the rule.”

“It was made in China. You can check the label if you want. But it’s shit, in Russia there was so much good kielbasa and here we have to eat overpriced Chinese whatever.”

“Gogol, must you always make such a long and meaningless introductions when you tell a story?” Akutagawa interjected in sharp tone not trying to hide his annoyance in the slightest.

Atsushi by his side just sighed and caressed his forearm in a futile attempt to calm him down a bit.

“Yeah, we all know you’re an emotionless vegetable incapable of appreciating good storytelling,” Gogol rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll get to the point. Your cat grabbed the kielbasa and jumped out the window. Kill me now,” he dropped to his knees, spread his arms in welcoming gesture, closed his eyes and waited for the lethal blow.

Akutagawa stood up, ready to kill and yell but suddenly loud, angry voice at his side startled him.

“YOU IDIOT! WE LIVE ON THE THIRD FLOOR!” Atsushi screamed at Gogol and run to the kitchen.

“Chuuya, I need to hang up. We’ll talk later,” Fyodor put his phone away and started squatted next to Gogol to poke his cheek. Just because he could.

Akutagawa passed them and on the way, he gave one kick to Gogol’s gut but not a really strong one since he expected Atsushi’s punishment was coming soon. He almost bumped into his boyfriend running back to the living room.

“It looks like he’s not there! But we need to look for it!”

“Yeah, I mean, your beast is very agile and it jumped on your neighbour’s balcony and then run down the fire escape so it’s very much fine.”

“Nikolai, you need to say things like that first,” Sigma gasped.

“We need to look for our cat,” Atsushi repeated in a determined voice, although relief was visible at his face.

“Or maybe you all could realize that the cat was just a guest here and since it got better, it had all the rights to leave?” Kyouka suggested.

They all froze and stared at her in shock.

“We are getting our cat back, Kyouka. It probably just wanted to escape from Gogol and now it can’t find the way back. Atsushi, let’s go.”

 He grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, put on the first flip flops he could find and left the apartment, dragging Atsushi with him. Outside, they rushed to the side where kitchen window was but as Akutagawa had suspected, they found no trace of the cat.

As they looked around, he saw hope disappear from Atsushi’s eyes. A new emotion appeared and Akutagawa recognized it as despair. He, on the other hand, refused to acknowledge what was happening. He wasn’t losing a cat just after getting it. It just couldn’t be.

“Hey, don’t you dare to cry,” he scolded his boyfriend. “We are looking for it. Come.”

They started slowly walking around the neighbourhood, looking every knock and cranny if they caught a glimpse of a shadow even vaguely similar to a cat. They barely spoke, clearly not willing to accept that the cat was gone.

After over an hour and a few worried texts from Kyouka, they sat down on a low ledge next to a vending machine, tired by walking, stress and Japanese summer heat. On the other side of the machine was one of the stupid Japanese trash cans with two holes respectably for bottles and cans but just one container so they would end up being mixed up. Akutagawa hoped government wasn’t lying and they were really recycling them. Although, at times he was doubtful.

Of course, they bought drinks in cans since they were both environmentally conscious. Atsushi seemed terribly down. Akutagawa’s first thought was to at least try to cheer him up but he hesitated, not sure what to say.

“You agreed on keeping it just until it’s paw is healed so we would have it for just a couple more days even if it didn’t run away,” Atsushi finally spoke up. “I just hope it is going to be okay.”

“His name is Rashoumon,” Akutagawa stated in calm, sure tone, suddenly feeling the urge to confess to Atsushi what he has been hiding for the last few days. “And if we find him, he’s staying with us forever. I love that cat.”

Atsushi froze for a second and then looked up at him with glossy eyes. Akutagawa hated that he found it cute, even in this situation.

“Really? You mean it?!”

“I mean... it’s going to be our cat so you get a say too but... I’m fine with keeping him,” Akutagawa said, feeling the pressure of Atsushi’s intense stare. “But we’re naming him Rashoumon.”

“Sure. Why Rashoumon?” his boyfriend asked cocking his head to the right.

“It’s privet,” Akutagawa averted his eyes focusing on the drink in his hand.

“Ryuu, we live together and we’ve known each other for a year now. And I like to think we’ll be dating for at least a few more. So you don’t need to keep things from me but I’ll respect if you want to.”

“You are too nice. It’s unbearable.”

“Yeah, I’m too nice and that’s the reason why I find you bearable,” Atsushi nudged him gently on the side with a weak smile. “So? Why Rashoumon?”

“... Fine,” Akutagawa resigned after a long sigh. “But you’re not telling anyone.”

“I promise.”

“So back in high school I used to write a bit...”

“I know, Gin told me. She also said you used to tell her just the best bedtime stories,” A warm grin appeared on Atsushi’s face. Akutagawa, on the other hand, didn’t smile at all. He was outraged.

“HOW CAN SHE BETRAY ME?! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!” Akutagawa yelled but Atsushi interjected by giving him a small peck on the lips. “What the hell are you doing? We are in a public place,” Akutagawa scoffed, still mad but in entirely different way.

“It’s late and there is no one here but us,” Atsushi just shrugged. “And you’re cute when you’re mad. When I first met you, I thought you were scary but now I think your yelling is just endearing.”

“You clearly have a death wish, Jinko,” Akutagawa barked, trying to hide his own embarrassment behind the soda can.

“Go on, Ryuu.”

“So, the cat actually managed to pull out one of my notebooks from the closet and literally opened it up on one of the best things I’ve managed to write. It was if the little beat knew me, I felt like it was my cat. The story’s working title was Rashoumon, so I thought the cat should be Rashoumon too.”

“Wow... What’s the story about?” Atsushi seemed genuinely interested. “Can I read it?”

“No. I don’t like showing my works to people unless they are really good. Rashoumon is really good already but it can be better. Anyway, it a horror story about people waiting at the Rashoumon gate in Kyoto. I got a little inspired by Noh play and the legend of Watanabe no Tsuna but there are no demons or supernatural in my story. Just bad people.”

“It fits you. What happens with the people?”

“I’m not telling you. Maybe one day I’ll finish it and then you may read it. But don’t get too excited it’s not that complex or long.”

“Thanks, Ryuu. I know it means a lot to you. And also, I think Rashoumon is a really good name. I mean, in the legend samurai fought the demon living above the gate, right? Our cat is pretty demonic, “ Atsushi grinned. “I bet it would beat any samurai.”

“I think so too. I really liked that cat.”

“I know, Ryuu. I will leave some food tomorrow next to the place I found him, maybe we can get him to come back,” Atsushi patted Akutagawa’s shoulder but it managed to comfort him just a little bit.

Akutagawa sighed and stood up.

“Do you want to look for Rashoumon a little longer?”

“I can walk the whole night if that’s what it takes to find him.”

They were in a lot better mood when they started searching again. Atsushi even suggested that tomorrow he was going to print out some pictures of Rashoumon they took and leave the posters all around the neighbourhood. They also had Fyodor and Dazai on their side. They would find the cat no matter what.

However, they did not expect to suddenly to see familiar shape waiting in front of their apartment building as they walked by it for the tenth time that night. Nor did they expect a little white kitten with bloodied fur lying on the ground next to their newly claimed pupil.

Chapter Text

Rashoumon rubbed himself against Akutagawa’s legs with clearly no intention of running away again, greeting his new, self-proclaimed owner with the usual affection. The boy just stared as Atsushi tried to evaluate the kitten’s condition without panicking. Of course, Akutagawa saw right through his seemingly calm act. Atsushi’s hands were shaking quite a bit and it was hard not to notice the horror in his eyes.

“Ryuu, I think it’s been badly hurt. We need to get it to the vet as soon as possible, it looks like the cat had been in a fight or fell into a really bad place, we can’t wait until morning. It doesn't seem like it's bleeding out or anything but... still, it needs a vet. Can you take Rashoumon upstairs and bring some towel or blanket? Also, check if Gogol is sober enough to drive us. He didn’t drink that much comparing to everyone so maybe he’s fine.”

“If not, I’ll call someone else with a car. I’ll be right back, Jinko.”

Although Akutagawa certainly wasn’t a touchy-feely type, as he was passing Atsushi, he stopped to plant a kiss on his temple.

“It’s going to be fine, Atsushi. We’ll take care of it.”

But to tell the truth, he was burning with anger at the society that would let a wounded cat walk around like this with no one else bothering to help. Rashoumon clearly was thinking the same, as he jumped into Akutagawa’s arms and purred in his chest.

Akutagawa quickly called got up the staircase and rushed to his apartment door. Since he knew Fyodor would never leave the door open, he quickly fished out a key out of his pocket and entered the flat. Suddenly, he was hit with a wave of cold breeze. He assumed it was just the shock of coming in an air-conditioned room during Japanese summer.

Suddenly, as he entered the living room he was faced with the reality of Gogol pinning Fyodor down to the couch and passionately making out with him. All the fans they had in the apartment had been brought to the room and switched on, the air-conditioning working on some ungodly level too. It was freezing but it didn’t seem to bother his Russian friends.

“Disgusting,” Akutagawa spat out loudly enough to make them notice him.

Fyodor actually blushed and averted his roommate’s eyes but Gogol looked really smug, he was grinning from ear to ear. Rashoumon jumped on Gogol’s back just to stomp on him a bit and draw his attention. When Gogol made an attempt to pet him, the cat immediately jumped off and ran away.

“Oh, wow! You found the cat! That’s so great!”

“How sober are you? There’s another cat we need to take to the vet,” Akutagawa explained.

“Another one?” Fyodor asked in a tired voice.

“I’m pretty sober so we’re good to go, Fyodor, you coming?”

Gogol tried to stand up but Fyodor forcefully grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him back on the couch.

“You’re not going anywhere, I hate it when people think they can just drunk drive if they have a good reason. Then they cause accidents, innocent people die, that’s just vile. We can call Ivan. Or even Dazai if Ivan is busy.”

“Beautiful, do not take me lightly, I know perfectly well how much you hate it, so I keep a breathalyzer in my car so you can check me any time,” Gogol winked. “Also, Fyodor, I’m really flattered you look into my eyes so much that your observation skill actually drops.”

“If you mean the fact that you drunk only non-alcoholic beer tonight I noticed but decided you probably bought it by mistake and didn’t want to humiliate you in front of Akutagawa but you are just asking for it. Whatever. You drunk a little bit of my drink and that is why you are not to be entirely trusted, you are breathing into this thing. Akutagawa, you need something more?”

“Do we have a blanket or a towel we can use to carry a bloody kitten?”

Fyodor rose an eyebrow and stood up with a tired sigh.

“I will get you the towel Dazai stained with borscht. That stain is without hope I even tried the Levi Heichou’s special edition bleach and nothing. Also, Dazai used it,” Fyodor cringed a bit at the mention of his archenemy’s name and then left the room still mumbling about Levi’s cleaning product line.

“You were sober all night?” Akutagawa asked Gogol.

“Yup,” Gogol shrugged.

“You were sober when you asked Sigma if he had any glitter on him because you wanted your nails to sparkle,” Akutagawa pointed out.

“Yup,” Gogol didn’t seem to be ashamed in the slightest.

“You were sober when you threw a tomato at Kyouka across the room.”

“Yup.”

“You were sober when you actually talked back at Fyodor. That’s just a death wish.”

“Well, the fact I’m still alive means he must love me, right?” a candid, idiotic smile appeared on Gogol’s face and just seeing it made Akutagawa wince and want to change the subject.

“So why is it so cold?” Akutagawa asked casually because asking about what Gogol and Fyodor were doing until he walked in would be even worse.

“It’s hot here, we felt a little homesick.”

“I really hope you will help with our electricity bills this month.”

“In such a hurry to have me living here, Vegetable-chan?” Gogol proposed him sweetly.

Akutagawa could only respond by cringe in disgust. He picked Rashoumon up and buried his face in cat’s fur. He was doubtful about leaving him at home after all his friend was injured.

Fyodor came back with a towel, a cord and Gin’s neckerchief. He passed the latter two to Akutagawa.

“Bind the beast, I assume it’s coming with us.”

Akutagawa didn’t even question how Fyodor ended up owning those. He just took the neckerchief and made a collar out of it and then attached the cord so it would serve as a simple leash for Rashoumon.

“I texted Ivan and Pushkin, they are busy, so we’re stuck with Gogol’s ambiguous driving. But he had like two gulps of alcoholic drink a few hours ago so he should be okay,” Fyodor proceeded, looking for his shoes. “I just hate drunk drivers in general.”

“You’re paying so much attention to me, nienagladnyi? I’m moved,” Gogol grinned like a fool.

“It was my drink you were stealing, idiot, how could I have not noticed?” Fyodor sighed.  

Without further questions, the group hastily moved out from the apartment and took the stairs down. Atsushi was waiting for them with a sour face.

“Took you long enough. I called my senpai from school, he’s working a clinic that is running a night shift. We’re going there. Also, it’s not bleeding anymore or anything, I might have panicked a bit before. Still, we should get it to the vet.”

“It’s cute. I like it,” Fyodor approved and crouched next to it, helping Atsushi. “And it should be fine, those seem to be just flesh wounds. Quite painful but treatable. But I’m no doctor. Let’s go to the real one to make sure.”

No one commented on Fyodor’s knowledge about animal injuries. Akutagawa had no idea where Fyodor had learned about those things but he trusted him enough to actually feel a little more relaxed about the whole ordeal.

Gogol disappeared to drive the car over to where they stood and Atsushi skillfully wrapped the towel around the white kitten to form something resembling a basket. Akutagawa admired him so much at this moment.

“You’re quite skilled, Atsushi,” Fyodor praised him before Akutagawa could even open his mouth.

“Thanks but I’m still learning... Is Gogol really okay to drive? I mean, I said that he should but it would be a pity if we all died while saving a cat...”

“Gogol’s beer was non-alcoholic,” Akutagawa said.

Even though the current situation was rather serious or maybe exactly because it was, Atsushi let out a quiet laugh.

“Gogol was sober when he got triggered by the heroine’s bad makeup and yelled for five minutes? Seriously? Fyodor, your boyfriend is such a screwup, even worse than mine,” he said.

Akutagawa honestly got used to being considered weird. He didn’t even blink. Rashoumon in his arms moved but only because he was curious about what Atsushi was doing to his friend.

“Not my boyfriend,” Fyodor graced them with his favorite fake smile.

“They were making out when I walked in,” Akutagawa updated Atsushi without any malice in his voice but Fyodor still considered it an offence and hissed with anger. “What? You did it, not me.”

“Don’t be ashamed, Fyodor,” Atsushi smiled gently. “We like Gogol and we’re happy for you.”

“Speak for yourself,” Akutagawa protested. “I accept Gogol but I never said I like him.”

“You don’t really like anyone aside from Gin and Atsushi so it doesn’t really matter,” Fyodor shrugged, clearly not caring.

“He loves you too, Fyodor,” Atsushi spoke for Akutagawa since he knew his boyfriend was bad at talking about feelings. “He’s just embarrassed to say it out loud.”

Fyodor looked away, a slight blush appearing on his face.

“Anyway, about the Gogol thing...” he started but suddenly an old, red Lada with Kamchatkan registration plaquette appeared in their sight. Of course, the driving wheel was on the left side like in Europe. “Never mind.”

Akutagawa glared at Fyodor. Now, he wanted to know. He decided to pressure Fyodor later since now they had more important matters on their plate.

The car stopped in front of them. Together, they placed the kitten in the back, between Akutagawa and Atsushi. Fyodor sat in the front seat and quickly went through the mess in the gloves compartment to find the breathalyzer. In the meantime, Gogol passed his phone to Atsushi.

“Find me the address, kotenok.”

Fyodor didn’t hesitate to throw the breathalyzer in his face.

“Do it.”

“Whatever you want, dorogoy.”

Of course, the breathalyzer showed a perfect 0 BAC. Atsushi used this moment to find the place and gave the phone back to Gogol who put it into an unstable holder stuck to the front glass.

“Oh, I know that neighbourhood, I hid there once. Cool choice, tiger boy,” Gogol laughed and started the car.

Akutagawa was petting Rashoumon to calm him down but his mind drifted away.  

He knew Gogol for a while now. That man was full of contradictions. Claimed to be illegal immigrant, had no address, always had new stories about running away from the police or immigration officers, always drove a car with Kamchatkan registration with the wheel on the left side, seemed to have a lot of strange connections, claimed to be Russian but spoke Ukrainian sometimes. It terrified Akutagawa that he was actually starting to hear the difference between the two. And although they had no idea what he was doing for money, he never complained about having no money to pay for something.

He was also obsessively buying weird gadgets and now they have started to appear more and more all over Akutagawa’s apartment. Which he didn’t like. They didn’t need a lazy shiba inu door handles although that one at least Atsushi found quite nice. Glow in the dark towels for the bathroom, on the other hand, were just stupid.

And no one knew what Gogol did for a living.

 “Gogol, why didn’t you drink?” Akutagawa suddenly demanded to know.

“There was a chance they would call me back to work tonight,” Gogol shrugged like it was nothing suspicious.

Akutagawa decided to dig deeper.

“Where do you work?”

“Well, wouldn’t you like to know, Tofu-chan?”

“Don’t think you will distract me with disrespectful nicknames. Fyodor, do you know?”

Fyodor just smirked and left Akutagawa wondering.

“If Fyodor didn’t know what his boyfriend did, Gogol would be pretty epic,” Atsushi said sincerely.

“Shut up, he’s not my boyfriend,” Fyodor corrected him in a tired voice.

“Oh my god,” Akutagawa realized. “You really don’t know.”

Fyodor turned in his seat and glared at him with disgust. Rashoumon seemed to like it because he left Akutagawa’s laps and jumped on Fyodor’s.

“Don’t be a fool, Akutagawa. Of course, I know.”

“Fyodor found out just three weeks ago, “ Gogol giggled. “He was so pissed that he didn’t know, I swear I thought he would torture Sigma for that info, he was so desperate... By the way, you two know what Sigma does other than his internship?”

“What?” Atsushi asked naively believing it wasn’t just a move to distract them. Akutagawa noticed it but, on the other hand, he was curious too, so he let it happen.

“So our dear little Sigma writes articles for Playboy.”

“What,” Akutagawa said in a flat voice. That, he did not expect.

“Yeah, he’s been doing it for years now. He started when he was eighteen, somehow. Has been writing for them ever since.”

Akutagawa was pretty sure he lost something inside. He would never be able to look at his senpai the same. Atsushi on his side had a similar expression.

“His last week article was really good, right, Nicolai?” Fyodor continued.

“Yup, loved every word of it.”

“How can you be so open about it?” Akutagawa gritted his teeth in displeasure.

“Playboy actually isn’t all that perverted. It has a lot of quality material, you just judge the cover,” Fyodor explained. “That’s not very nice to judge magazines by the cover, guys.”

“So where does Gogol work?”

“It’s a secret!” Gogol announced with a smile.

They tried to question him but nothing seemed to work. Soon, they’ve arrived at the shady place that Atsushi knew about. Maybe it looked worse since it was nighttime but Akutagawa found the ambience creepy, to say the least. The clinic was pretty dark and empty. Most of the lights were off and the ones left on made the cheap linoleum floor look like from a haunted asylum Akutagawa saw in the movie a few weeks ago.

There was just one lady at the front desk, painting her long, bloody red nails. Akutagawa stayed back, fastening his hold on the blanket he and Gogol were carrying the kitten in. They exchanged suspicious glares and then nodded, agreeing to be ready to run.

Atsushi approached the desk and without hesitation spoke with the lady in fluent Chinese. As much as Akutagawa was proud of his language skills right now, he would have really preferred Japanese. The place got even shadier in his mind and he started suspecting some connections to Chinese mafia.

He knew Atsushi knew strange people and places from his time in orphanage but he certainly wasn’t kin on exploring them too far. Especially when he didn’t expect Atsushi’s dark side to pop up since he it was his senpai who knew the place not one of his ‘old acquaintances’.

Akutagawa was pretty sure right now senpai was one of the ‘old acquaintances’.

The lady showed Atsushi the direction and from what Akutagawa understood, told them to search for room number four. Of course, it was four, Japan’s most absolute unlucky number.

The doctor was a pretty lady in glasses that actually, bless her, spoke Japanese, although she had a slight accent from continental China. She professionally took care of the little cat’s wounds, took its blood for further testing, gave the cat a few stitches and spent a good amount of time on medical jibber-jabber with Atsushi.

I turned out the little kitten had been in a fight with some bigger cats which was why he was so bloodied, he got scratched pretty bad.  Also, at some point, he must have fell from somewhere high, which was much more bothering. In the end, they needed to make an x-ray to find out that two of the cat’s ribs were broken.

Rashoumon had been strangely calm all the time they were at the vet’s. Just quiet, observing. Akutagawa was sure it was because his cat was extremely intelligent.

They got sent home by the doctor with a ton of meds, most of them to prevent infection and help with the healing but they also got some supplements since the cat was just as malnourished as Rashoumon was when they found him.

Before going out, they approached the reception desk to pay. Akutagawa was pretty sure he and Atsushi were going to starve for the rest of the month when he saw the amount. Probably the following one too. With a sigh, he took out the card but before he realized what was going on, Gogol appeared out of nowhere and passed his card to the lady. He winked at his friends.

“Take it as a thanks for letting me stay over so much and eat your food all the time.”

“Just how rich are you?” this time it was Atsushi who spoke up. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Good luck trying to find out.”

***

Actually, Akutagawa had more luck then Gogol had expected.

Monday morning, he slowly walked into the living room with his black coffee, cursing quietly about the morning classes and wanting to go back to sleep. But even if he wanted to, it was impossible, since the cats immediately took his place as soon as he left the bed.

He wanted to at least sit comfortably for a minute and contemplate quietly the darkness within the mug but as he walked into the living room, he was forced to take a step back.

The couch was occupied by a stranger that faintly resembled Gogol. But maybe it was only the effect of pajamas with little jesters that the man was wearing. It couldn’t have been Gogol, he was wearing glasses. And clearly the man has slept on the couch, the blankets and pillows scattered around were proof of that. Gogol would sleep with Fyodor or go home, it clearly made no sense. Akutagawa didn’t remember Gogol being at their place yesterday evening either, Fyodor was just quietly watching anime by himself.

But then again, he was doing something on Gogol’s laptop. Akutagawa was sure of that. No one else had a laptop with so many stickers on it.

“Who are you and what have you done to my friend Gogol?”

“Yo, Vege-chan. Morning,” the man responded in a tired but unmistakably Gogol’s voice. “Your couch is a bitch. I used to like it quite a lot but now I hate it, my back hurts so bad... Fuck,” he cursed at the computer suddenly. “Sorry, I’m having a bad night. Or a day since you’re here. Whatever.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“A normal friend would ask if I want a coffee. You’re always such a cruel vegan vampire,” Gogol gasped theatrically.

“Answer. And why do you have glasses on your face? Is it a fashion statement?”

“I wear glasses, you deep shit.”

“Never saw them before.”

“My contact lenses lotion is literally standing in your bathroom with a hello kitty case right next to it.”

Akutagawa hasn’t noticed it but he wasn’t about to lose his face.

“I assumed Fyodor or you needed contact lenses for cosplay or something. And why are you here?”

“Give me a coffee and maybe you’ll know.”

“No.”

“Then you will never reach the truth.”

“No Jojo reference before breakfast, you and Fyodor agreed to that.”

“This morning nothing abides by any rules so I do not care. Fuck, it’s already seven. Fuck.”

“You seem to be rather pissed,” Akutagawa noticed.

Gogol promptly ignored him, writing something on his computer with anger. Akutagawa sighed and let go of his dignity once again to make coffee for a friend in need. When it was ready, he returned to Gogol’s side and sat by him. It was when he noticed that the laptop screen was covered in codes.

“There you go.”

“You didn’t even add milk. Or sugar. But I still love it. Thank you, my darling vegetable monster.”

“You’re programming,” Akutagawa stated. “Why are you programming on my couch?”

“Looks like Sigma’s date yesterday went really well and he threw me out so he could be alone with the girl. I thought I could stay here but it was really late and Fyodor told me I’m not his boyfriend to just come in whenever I want and demand to sleep with him, so yeah, I’m on the couch.”

“Pity about Sigma’s date. But that’s half of my question.”

“Pick a guess.”

For a few seconds, Akutagawa stared at Gogol intensely.

“Are you... breaking in somewhere?”

“I wish I was. I really wish,” Gogol sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe but I’m working. I hate Japanese people so much. Like seriously. This new guy came in and of course, since he was Japanese, didn’t want to cause trouble to anyone or fucking was too ashamed to ask about stuff he didn’t understand and there. That idiot messed up the whole program and it started collapsing at four fucking am and I’ve been trying to fix it ever since. Hell, it’s seven, I should go to work soon. Fuck. This day is so bad.”

“I will pretend I did not hear this racism that just came out of your mouth. You know I’m Japanese too, right?”

“Yeah but you have guts. That newbie doesn’t.”

“So what exactly is your job title?”

“Senior Java Developer.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Yup. I’m more financially stable than all of your little friends. And I’m pretty sure only Andre Gide makes more money than I do.”

“You have no address,” Akutagawa insisted.

“Some people like to have their freedom you know? And that’s part of my scheme to become Fyodor’s wife now.”

“You will be paying part of the rent,” Akutagawa demanded.

“Geez. Fine. What are you making for breakfast?”

“Nothing. Starve.”

They ended up eating miso soup with tofu and rice. Rashoumon joined them at some point, he hissed at Gogol with despise and then sat down right next to Akutagawa.

Akutagawa loved that cat.

Chapter Text

“And that’s how I have three cats at home now and I’ve found out that Gogol is filthy rich,” Akutagawa ended grimly, taking another spoon of the vegetarian curry Odasaku has made for some mysterious reason.

 It was good, incredibly good. But Odasaku has always been proficient in making curry so it was only to be expected.

“Stop calling me a cat,” Atsushi glared at his boyfriend. “Especially in front of other people.”

“Then stop behaving like one.”

André Gide giggled, clearly loving their bickering. Akutagawa did not like that laugh in the slightest. He was pretty sure André was going to use it for some ungodly purpose like his fanfiction. Or god forbid his new book.

A few hours ago, around the time when Gogol and Akutagawa were done with their breakfast, André texted him that Odasaku had made too much curry the day before so they should drop by his office for lunch. Gogol decided to stop by just to eat curry if he managed to save the whole company by noon. He clearly didn’t. Akutagawa was not surprised.

It was just the three of them for the time being since Odasaku needed to stop by the library on the way.

“My kind of father-in-law really loves cats, he would be proud of you.”

“Since when you have a father-in-law?” Akutagawa cocked his head.

“Kind of. I mean, when Odasaku was a teenager he ended up in a foster home but after a year or so the guy who was their foster parent decided he wasn’t cut out for it after all. He kept Odasaku though. And hates my guts,” André ended the story with a smile. “And he thought I would be surprised. Do you imagine me being popular with in-laws?”

“Yes. If you had married your cousin,” Akutagawa reminded him.

“Oh, Alissa... And she cooked stuff that wasn’t Japanese food...” André sighed grimly.

“Hey, that’s the best curry I’ve ever had!” Atsushi protested.

At the same moment, the door opened and Odasaku walked in, to their surprise dragging Chuuya with him.

“H-hello, professor,” Chuuya greeted André with his eyes running around the room, clearly looking for a way to escape. “I hope I am not disturbing anything.”

“I saw him going to the canteen and I couldn’t allow it so he’s eating with us,” Odasaku pushed Chuuya a bit forward. “Come on, Chuuya, take a seat.”

Chuuya hesitantly took a chair from the corner and brought in closer to Akutagawa’s side. Only then, he said hi to his friends. Meanwhile, Odasaku was fixing them curry.

“Love, can I have more?” André asked passing him his almost empty plate.

“Of course. You guys good?”

“I’m rather curious about why did you make both vegetarian and meat curry if it was going to be just for you and André,” Akutagawa pointed out.

“Are you questioning free food?”

“Someone has to,” Akutagawa shrugged.

“He was watching some kids show with Cathrine when peeling potatoes and he ended up with some enormous amount,” André provided. “And we didn’t have so much meat so we decided to feed a certain unemployed vegetarian we know.”

“My scholarship is around the amount of Atsushi’s salary, for your information,” Akutagawa provided. “Not everyone has to work.”

“Speaking of work, I always wanted to ask you two,” André smoothly moved on to the next subject, digging into the rice. Chuuya immediately got stiff as if it was an exam. “I’m looking for inspiration for my next book. Tell me about the weirdest clients of Little Ladybug.”

Atsushi and Chuuya looked at each other.

“Well, aside from Akutagawa of course,” Atsushi’s eyes darted to his boyfriend as he spoke. “And some random people... Like the guy who took off his shoes not to enter the store wearing them... or that Hong Kong couple that tried to knock before going in... and the girl who actually opened the legos and has built a huge castle... I would say the fashion family.”

“Fashion family definitely wins,” Chuuya nodded.

“That does sound useful or at least interesting. Elaborate,” André encouraged them.

“Just don’t inspire him too much, he is going to actually write it down,” Odasaku reminded them. “And he will spend the whole evening planning a new novel instead of helping me with the baby.”

“No offense, Odasaku, but she’s a little too small. Cute but kind of stupid. I will spend more time with her when she will start talking actual sentences.”

“You are a terrible human being,” Oda sighed.

“I promise I will even teach her how to sing and play Chopin. But don’t make me read her those colored tomfooleries again,” André begged.

“You lost the right to choose our daughters bedtime stories when I caught you reading her Goethe. Seriously? Goethe? To a two-year-old?”

“You know nothing. She did enjoy Faust,” André looked outraged. “You took it away and forced me to read her that naïve boring story about a lost little squirrel. Even Werter would be better and you know I don’t like Werter. But speaking of little ginger things, the fashion family you said, Chuuya-kun?”

Chuuya took a deep breath like it was an oral exam. Akutagawa never ceased to be amazed by how quiet and shy Chuuya would get in front of certain people he respected for their achievements and talent. And surprisingly enough, one of these people was André Gide.

“So we have these guys coming in from time to time. We are not sure if they are related or anything but they do come in strange configurations and they all know each other. Akutagawa is nothing compared to some of them.”

“And they all wear really weird clothes. Like, it seems like they are dressing fashionably but they are overdoing it. Really. And their makeup as well,” Atsushi added. “I’ve never seen so much makeup on a man in real life before.”

“You talking about the goth wine aunt or the tall muscular glory guy?”

“Both. But maybe muscular glory guy more. He wore golden jumpsuit last week, you know? And green hairband matching his lipstick.”

“Last week I saw only the student guy. He almost beat the shit out of someone for insulting his hair. And bought a whole carton of hairspray since it was on discount.”

“This family seems interesting enough. Do you have any favorites?” André swung the spoon encouraging them to tell more.

“Atsushi’s favorite is definitely the guy who brings turtle with him everywhere. He has a leash and everything. Who was he? Youtuber or something?”

“Instagram influencer,” Atsushi corrected. “And the turtle has an Instagram account too. I’m following it,” he took out his phone and started looking for turtle’s pictures. “And the guy is really cool. He’s really modest but confident, loves animals and plants, he’s now trying to decide whether he wants to study medicine or veterinary when he graduates from high school so I’m telling him a bit more about uni. And he’s a model too! I even saw him on the cover of the Vogue Magazine a few weeks ago! And he and his turtle are really close!”

Akutagawa really hated how Atsushi praised this turtle guy. And that his eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Wait, he’s still in high school?” Chuuya paled.

“Yeah, actually, he’s just turned sixteen.”

“Sixteen?! I was so sure he was an adult, Atsushi, I sold him so much alcohol. But what was I supposed to say?! He has a turtle and a Versace wallet! No kids go around with a turtle and a Versace wallet!” 

“Poor Chuuya-kun got tricked by a tall teenager, that’s so sad,” André Gide smirked.

“He isn’t that tall. And I think it’s not Chuuya’s fault at all,” Atsushi took his friend’s side. “That guy has this kind of smile that you can’t say ‘no’ to.”

Akutagawa never considered himself a jealous type but he was reaching some kind of limit of tolerance.

“It’s more of a ‘deny me and you’ll regret it as I’m making your life a living hell’ kind of smile,” Chuuya corrected. “I still cannot believe he’s sixteen.”

“So what other customers do you have?”

“Well, the pretty guy has a dad, and that’s the glamourous lipstick guy. He wears elf shoes sometimes. Golden elf shoes. I heard they are iconic for his fashion line but and are weird.  And sometimes he looks like a male stripper. Once, we had to call the security because he started yelling and throwing plastic knives at his fashion family relative. We told him to pay for all of them and he actually threw a ten thousand yen bill at us and he catwalked away. Fortunately, Kunikida wasn’t there so we kept the change.”

Fortunately, they didn’t return to the subject of the handsome Instagram star Atsushi was speaking so fondly of. Akutagawa preferred it would stay this way.

The discussion got tracked to the upcoming Dazai’s birthday. Which reminded Akutagawa that he didn’t have a present not only for Dazai but also didn’t think about what to get Chuuya as Dazai and Fyodor asked him to. What is more, Atsushi seemed to have everything ready, he was just waiting for the packages to arrive. This is why Akutagawa did the only thing that came to his mind. He called his little sister for help.

***

Two days later, he came over to pick up Gin before their shopping adventure. She still needed to get ready so he sat down with her atrocity of a boyfriend, waiting.

“I hate the Instagram guy,” Akutagawa couldn’t hold back for even a few minutes before he started on his least favorite subject. “How dares he be so pretty and environmentally conscious? He’s just uploaded another selfie with the turtle how can it be so cute? Why does he post educational videos about plants and animals proving he’s smart and charismatic? How dares he be so perfect?”

“Onii-san, why do you hate on your kin?” Gin cocked her head to the side with a confused expression.

“I think he’s having a crush and can’t deal with it,” Tachihara commented pensively. “But not cool, having a crush at someone when you have Atsushi at home, not cool.”

Akutagawa sent Tachihara a cold glare and leaned back a little bit to express that he did not like the proximity between them. But he couldn’t lean too far away in Gin’s little apartment. All three of them were seated by the table on the floor and there was no place for Akutagawa to go. He had to stay at the table. If he got up there was a huge chance he would bump into one of Tachihara’s models of buildings he made for fun. Stupid Tachihara and stupid models. They were everywhere. And the new one he was constructing took pretty much all the space that was left in the tiny room.

“Shut up, Trash. If it was up to me, you wouldn’t be here at all.”

“Sorry that I live here,” Tachihara sighed.

“That man sends private messages to Atsushi on Instagram. And even cat memes.”

“Oh no, not the cat memes!~” Tachihara let out a fake gasp that ended with Gin smacking him on the head.

 “Don’t worry, nii-san. Atsushi loves you, you don’t have to worry about an Instagram guy. No matter how pretty he is,” she quickly understood what was really worrying her brother and comforted him.

“I feel like I finally get why Dazai freaked out so much after finding out Fyodor and Chuuya were friends,” Akutagawa kept sighing.

Unfortunately, since the kettle went off instead of calming him down further, she stood up to make them tea. Akutagawa glared at Tachihara since it was his fault. He hoped Tachihara could sense the icy breeze he was sending his way.

“What?” Tachihara shivered and looked down to avoid his eyes. “What did I do again?”

“You are a disgrace to the modern society. How do you think we will progress if all the gender equality is just a talk like in your case?”

Tachihara seemed rather confused by Akutagawa’s accusation, he looked up to Gin hoping she would explain. She just shrugged. The whole exchange enraged Akutagawa.

“You claim to be progressive but it is my sister who is serving the tea, not you. Disgusting.”

“Dude. She offered. You’re her guest. And we live in Japan so it’s pretty normal.”

“Still I don’t like it.”

To his surprise, Tachihara sighed and stood up. He stretched his legs a little bit and rushed to the kitchen to take the pot from Gin.

“Sit down, I will make the tea.”

“You are so weird when you try to impress my brother,” Gin giggled.

“Shut up. And get out of the kitchen as fast as you can before he misunderstands something again.”

She smiled again and went back to the living room part of their too small flat. Akutagawa was displeased by the whole display but on the other hands he wasn’t too upset about Tachihara in the kitchen.

To Akutagawa’s disappointment, he fixed the tea really quickly and was back in less than a minute. He place the steaming tray on the small table they sat by and approached Akutagawa.

“I really love Gin and I promise I do respect her. And I do not make her cook, clean or other traditionalist stuff. I probably should make her clean though, she makes much bigger mess than I do, everywhere. But I’m pretty sure she would beat me up if I did. Anyway, we are really happy together. And it would mean a lot to us if you’d finally accept us.”

This great display of feelings made Akutagawa a little bit moved and he surely was happy that his sister was in a normal relationship, the kind that he wished for her. However, since it was Tachihara, there was only one possible response:

“Shut up, Trash.”

“I hope this tea will please you, onii-san. I put my heart into pouring water over the leaves,” Tachihara ridiculed the whole situation even further.   

“So what is someone like you even giving Dazai and Chuuya for birthday?” Akutagawa glared.

“That depends what Gin finds today,” Tachihara dared to shrug. “If she finds something big, we’ll give it together and if not I will find something on my own. It’s not like I’m super close with any of them so there is little pressure, unlike you.”

Akutagawa wished he could just leave the tea, take Gin and go. But Gin wouldn’t like it and still, she was his little sister so he needed to respect her wished even if her wish was for him to drink tea with the Trash.

The tea was too hot to drink it fast. It had almost burned his tongue.

“Do you have any ideas, onii-san?” Gin cocked her head, clearly trying to think of something herself.

“We’ve already established last year that Dazai is literally the worst person to give presents to, so of course not. For Chuuya I thought some fancy wine glasses or something.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Tachihara gasped. “Gin, if he doesn’t go with glasses, we’re getting those. But why is Dazai the worst?”

“He literally doesn’t want anything. When he actually does, he just buys it. You can’t surprise him and when you give him something he has this terrible fake smile on his face.”

“Hey, he was happy when I gave him that book last year!” Tachihara protested.

Gin and her brother exchanged knowing glare. Some of their friends still couldn’t tell Dazai’s fake smile from the real one and in their eyes, it was pathetic.

“Whatever. I still haven’t decided if I want to go with a really bad gift or just more alcohol this year.”

“He doesn’t seem to mind either,” Gin nodded. “Onii-san, why your phone is vibrating so much?”

Akutagawa didn’t even notice it. It had been vibrating for two hours now, he simply got used to it. Atsushi posted a picture of their cats on Instagram and tagged Akutagawa. It was just his luck that his most detested Instagram influencer commented on it, claiming the cats were cute which caused his minions to like the picture. Akutagawa wanted to introduce him to Rashoumon now so he would understand that the cat wasn’t cute at all and incredibly dangerous. Hopefully, Rashoumon in person was enough to scare the influencer away for good.

“Just people liking our cats on Instagram, “Akutagawa shrugged pretending everything was okay. Gin immediately picked up on that.

“Did the Instagram guy like the picture too?”

“Gin, I invoke the law of siblings, do not mention that menace again or I’m telling Tachihara things you don’t want Tachihara to know,” he threatened her sipping on his tea.

Both of them actually gasped, Tachihara looking completely scandalized. Gin seemed oddly happy. She smiled warmly and hugged her brother.

“Thank you for acknowledging Tachihara is someone you can actually use to threaten me, onii-san,” she said.

Akutagawa was already regretting what he said. He blamed it all on the Instagram guy. He was even worse than Tachihara. Even if Tachihara was unrecyclable trash, he was burnable. This blond menace with his Instagram was the worst type of non-burnable plastic. At least, for Akutagawa.

But whatever.

“I still think you could do better. And don’t let Trash forget that,” he glared menacingly, not letting Tachihara forget that he didn’t like him.

Chapter Text

Gin and Tachihara got Chuuya a nice set of wine glasses and a huge bottle of whiskey for Dazai. Akutagawa did better. Much better. He even dared to say that his gift was perfect. Close to ideal for the occasion. But he decided to be discrete about his choice, not wanting anyone to steal the idea. Therefore, the only person who knew what he had bought was Gin since she was physically with him in the store and he had no chance of hiding. Even Atsushi had no idea what was in the mysterious box Akutagawa had put on their window sill. He was curious but respected Akutagawa’s secrecy. Also, probably, he was happy that at least for some time the window sill would be occupied and Akutagawa wouldn’t use it to store his books.

Atsushi was delicately starting to point out that Akutagawa might have a problem with the number of books he was buying. In his purity, Atsushi had thought Akutagawa didn’t realize that himself long ago. He did, he tried, he even sold a few, the day after he bought them back because he couldn’t bear with abandoning them. He already gave up on himself, Atsushi would eventually give up on fixing him too. At least in this aspect. Because he was hopeless.

And it wasn’t like Atsushi’s obsession with tigers was much more harmless than his with books.

One day, Akutagawa came home and saw that Atsushi and Gogol had put up a really ugly wallpaper in the living room. The background was pale gold but it didn’t manage to steal the thunder of the giant tiger in the center looking like the one from Osaka Castle. Akutagawa had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it was really ugly. On the other, tigers in Japanese classical art were pretty damn funny, they always looked like they were either drunk or crazy.

Atsushi seemed to care a lot about creating his own home so Akutagawa in the end just accepted the new wallpaper and after few days of caught himself smirking at the tiger’s perplexed expression.

Unfortunately, although Fyodor didn’t seem to be shaken by the change in the living room décor, knowing him for quite some time now Akutagawa immediately noticed that he was actually angry. At both Atsushi and Gogol, for changing the apartment without asking him for permission. Gogol knew immediately he had messed up since the very same day not only he repeatedly apologized but also bought Fyodor ice cream and a new game. Atsushi figured out something was off only after a few days of Fyodor treating him rather coldly.

Around that time, Akutagawa also noticed that something was off about Fyodor and Gogol’s whatever it was. Fyodor seemed to be rather reserved, trying to keep his distance. Even pushing Gogol away a bit. It would worry Akutagawa if Gogol went along with it but he just kept coming and asking Fyodor out as always. So Akutagawa assumed he was just imagining things or it was just a phase.

The day of Dazai’s birthday was approaching quickly and the days were getting even hotter, much to Akutagawa’s displease. The good thing was that summer cucumber snacks were now everywhere so Akutagawa could eat them all the time.

For example, there was a perfectly good stand on the way from the university to Akutagawa’s apartment. Not only it involved close to none plastic but also had a beautiful kappa as a logo. As a result, Akutagawa stopped by almost every day turning into a loyal customer.

However, he had to admit that there were some disadvantages to this situation other than the summer heat. Like every year, he was reminded that it was hard to text when holding a cucumber on a stick.

Jinko

U coming home now?

Soon after came a picture of their little white kitten, Gekka.

Vege Love

Perhaps

Where is my cat?

Next came a picture of Rashoumon menacingly glaring from the top of the refrigerator, ready for a sneak attack on anyone who was about to get some meat or cheese.

Jinko

I really hope he will get stealth hit on Fyodor

Fyodor is in good mood today

there is no Gogol here too

It’s a good opportunity

I want to give Fyodor the I’m sorry for the wall gift

He already forgave Gogol I want him to forgive me too

And I don’t want Gogol here when I’m giving it, I don’t trust he won’t laugh at me

Vege Love

Fine wait for me

Akutagawa couldn’t write more. It was already hard enough. If he did write when he had the other hand occupied. He simply took the picture of the cucumber so Atsushi would know he can’t text.   

Munching on his favorite food, Akutagawa slowly got home. He knew he should rush so the opportunity Atsushi has mentioned wouldn’t be destroyed by Gogol suddenly appearing but it was too hot to put effort into walking. He needed to keep his body temperature steady.

When he finally got home, Atsushi almost immediately appeared by the door, together with their two cats.

“Hi,” he smiled brightly. Like a ray of sunshine. Usually, it was charming but not when it reminded him of the heat outside.

“Hi,” Akutagawa nodded and reached out his hand to pet them all in order, starting from Atsushi but as soon as he touched his boyfriend’s hair, he knew something was off. “You got your hair cut,” he stated with horror, retreating his palm.

“Yes, do you like it?” Atsushi cocked his head a little to the side, showing off how his new style, precisely the same as his previous hair but few centimeters shorter.

“You look like a Shanghai prostitute,” Akutagawa stated coldly right away before he thought it through.

Atsushi blinked and then let out an exasperated sigh.

“It’s literally the same haircut I had. Do I always look like a Shanghai prostitute?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why suddenly I do? And shouldn’t I have longer hair to look like one?”

“It’s not... Fine. You don’t look like a Shanghai prostitute,” Akutagawa lied. “And just to be clear, I don’t have anything against Shanghai prostitutes. They can be very respectable.”

His ears were not covered by hair, of course, he looked like a Shanghai prostitute. And as much as Shanghai prostitutes did not bother Akutagawa as people, he found their tendency to style their hair in a way to display their ears in full deeply distasteful. But Akutagawa had little hope that Atsushi would understand.

The boy smiled with satisfaction when he thought he had won and kissed Akutagawa’s cheek. Akutagawa tried not to mind.

“Whatever is bothering you, it doesn’t matter because in a few weeks my hair will be back to normal. Go change now, and I’ll wait. We’ve got that thing to do.”

Atsushi’s hair was still deeply disturbing. Showing off one’s ears was so vulgar, he hated it. Like Tachihara for example. One look at him and one knew the man was just a trash.

Semi-covered ears were something completely different. They were charming, a bit mysterious and modest, beautiful. And Atsushi threw it all away.

Somehow Akutagawa managed to discard these thoughts and get changed. He also picked up the paper bag Atsushi’s present for Fyodor was in. The Instagram guy finally earned some acceptance from him for not packing it in plastic. Still, he was on thin ice and Akutagawa was not entirely approving of his friendship with Atsushi.

When Akutagawa came out of his rooms, he quickly found Atsushi in the kitchen, chatting with Fyodor over a glass of cold tea. Akutagawa placed the bag in Atsushi’s laps without a word and joined them.

“I heard you don’t like tiger’s new fur,” Fyodor asked him instead of saying hello or asking about the mysterious item. “It’ a very pretty fur what kind of internalized trauma makes you not like it?”

The worst part was that Fyodor sounded genuinely curious, not offended at all. Akutagawa just hoped they would leave him alone with the pain of dealing with Atsushi’s new terrible haircut.

“Not telling you. It’s too much of a trauma.”

“You will tell me eventually,” Fyodor predicted but Akutagawa was determined to not let him find out. Ever.

“Actually, Fyodor,” Atsushi suddenly changed the subject. “I wanted to talk with you about something.”

Fyodor studied them both cautiously, cocking his head a little to the side.

“You sound strangely serious. What did you break?”

“Nothing. Well, the living room wall. I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you about it. I should have asked but the wallpaper was on discount, it was a tiger, it was awesome, I wanted it, so I bought it, and then I wanted to ask you before putting it up but it was just me and Gogol at home for a few hours and... I don’t know, we kind of decided we had time so we as well could put it up... Sorry. Next time I’ll ask before doing something like that. But to be fair I didn’t ask Ryuu either and I’m dating him.”

“It’s cute how sorry you are. As you should be,” Fyodor smiled sweetly. “I forgave you already though. I came to the conclusion that the tiger is amusing.”

“I know you didn’t,” Atsushi sighed. “I mean, I know that you are honestly saying that you did but I also know that you’ll be upset about it for a while. So to get on your good side, I have a gift for you.”

“You shouldn’t buy me anything Atsushi,” Fyodor rolled his eyes. “Save it for my birthday. It’s in November.”

“No, and I didn’t buy it for you actually. I just care for you, so a while back I asked my friend to get something for you if he would find it by chance. I planned on saving it up for some occasion but I don’t really think I should, I mean, I think you’ll be happy whenever you get it.”

“Go on,” Atsushi seemed to have picked up Fyodor’s interest.

“Okay. It’s not something you’ll immediately be able to use so maybe it would be better to wait for November but I think November would be too late so... Anyway, just open it. Thank you for letting me move in here, get cats, and accepting me.”

 Atsushi handed Fyodor the bag. Akutagawa noticed that it had surprised Fyodor with its weight and it was not easy to surprise Fyodor. He put the bag on the table and gasped loudly when he noticed what was inside.

“It’s a winter hat! And an ushanka, I love ushankas! So beautiful! So perfect!” Fyodor smiled broadly, happy like a little kid. “Oh, my god! It’s so soft!”

Fyodor took out a white, soft hat and put it on. It was simple but fit Fyodor perfectly.  

“It’s so warm and nice, thank you Atsushi. When winter comes, I will wear it every day.”

“There’s more. And I think it should be in really good quality, my friend told me he gets this stuff from fashion shows.”

Slowly, with his hands shaking a little, Fyodor reached down the bag and took out a beautiful black winter military coat with design reminding slightly a XIX-century uniform. Bright, beautifully ornamented buttons contrasted with the dark material, and Akutagawa had to admit they were almost as beautiful as the coat itself. Fyodor was so mesmerized he almost knocked over their teas with it.

“This is the winter wear perfection. I am so happy. Thank you, Atsushi. Will you two mind if I turn on aircon and wear it all day?”

“Go ahead,” Akutagawa encouraged him.

 Fyodor put the coat on, looking splendid like a tzar’s advisor, and quickly tapped on aircon screen in the corridor. It wasn’t as fitting as Akutagawa had expected, he also noticed it had a finishing of a cape. That was one fashionable piece of art Fyodor was wearing.

 “Is Gogol coming over today, by the way?” Akutagawa said trying to seem casual and not to praise something the Instagram guy had picked up too much.

“Probably. Why are you asking?”

“Just that you weren’t inviting him that often lately. Or meeting with him. But maybe I’m just imagining things.”

“Maybe there is some hope for your deduction skills after all,” Fyodor sighed. “I’m just wondering lately if getting together with Gogol is a good idea, we’re both just too destructive... We’d be better off as friends. I need to think it through and I can’t be objective when Gogol is here making those puppy dog eyes,” Fyodor opened up a little, probably letting his guard down that much because he was happy about the presents. “But don’t meddle, I don’t need or want you doing that. Back to the coat, it’s so beautiful, thank you, Atsushi. And it's so warm. And I love the design, it makes me think of Russia. This will be my favorite coat. It makes me smile.”

He grinned to prove it.

“I’m happy you like it, Fyodor,” Atsushi smiled proudly.

“I love it, oh, and, since you’ve already mentioned Gogol,” Fyodor’s voice was still oddly cheerful because of the coat and the hat. “I know I’ve just said I’ve been trying to keep distance but an exception must be made since we’re in a rather dire situation. He’s going to be staying here for a few days because of reasons. It’s about Chuuya/Dazai birthday so don’t ask too many questions.”

“What are you planning?” Akutagawa glared ignoring Fyodor’s demand.

“Nothing. We’re simply keeping one of the presents at Sigma’s where there is little change Dazai or Chuuya will find out. And there is no place for Gogol, so he’s going to live here,” Fyodor shrugged like it was perfectly normal, especially after his confession just a moment ago.

“And you’re okay with that?” Akutagawa asked.

“Of course. Gogol is my best friend after all,” Fyodor shrugged again, not showing any particular emotion on his face, just crooking his lips in his usual, casual smile that didn’t mean much.

Maybe it was because of the coat since it looked so soft and touchable, maybe it was because Akutagawa really liked Fyodor. Whatever the reason was, Akutagawa stood up and hugged his friend.

“Gogol is a good guy, I won’t mind him so much if he actually pays the rent,” he said. “And god, this coat is soft.”

“ “You are making me uncomfortable, Akutagawa,” Fyodor pointed out. “And yourself too.”

“I don’t think so,” Akutagawa objected. “That’s my sincere hug of goodwill. You don’t have to be objective and logical, you can date Gogol if you want, Fyodor. I had my doubts too and look. I have Atsushi. And he’s vegetarian now.”

“Jinko is getting green with jealousy and that’s really not his color, it looks terrible,” Fyodor continued to trying to discourage him. “So let me go.”

“He can complain about me hugging you to the Instagram guy for all I care.”

“Wow, Rashoumon, your master seriously has issues,” Akutagawa heard Atsushi talking to his cat. “And for your information ‘Instagram guy’ sends his regards. He really likes your spinach soup recipe, asshole.”

Finally, Fyodor hugged Akutagawa back with a sigh. They stayed like that for a few minutes or even longer. Long enough to make Atsushi pick up his phone from the table and start scrolling through Instagram. Only then, Akutagawa let go.

Fyodor looked oddly happy and light. Maybe it was the new clothes. Or maybe he really needed that hug.

Chapter Text

Gogol indeed came over this evening, caring a suspiciously large suitcase and a  stuffed bag on his shoulder. Akutagawa had a feeling that Gogol would be attempting to prolong his stay after Dazai’s birthday and he wouldn’t allow it. At least, until Gogol paid his part of the rent.

Atsushi didn’t seem to mind the new roommate much. He kept insisting that one more person in the apartment was nothing, it was still way more comfortable and private than the orphanages and dorms. Akutagawa wanted to disagree since in his opinion Gogol counted as a few people at least but in the end, decided not to bring that up and save Atsushi’s peace of mind.

However, feeling strangely vigilant on that day, Akutagawa waited until Fyodor decided to shower, so he could confront Gogol alone.

He easily found him in the living room, watching some gag anime on Fyodor’s laptop plugged to the TV. He paused it and took a spot in the armchair, trying to look as menacing as he could.

“Feeling good in my apartment, Gogol?”

“Can’t say that I don’t like it, Vege-chan,” Gogol shrugged rather nonchalantly, showing that he didn’t care about Akutagawa’s dreadful aura. “Especially, the new wallpaper is nice. Feels homier with this stoned tiger looking at us all the time.”

“I do hope that if you are staying longer than a week you are helping with the rent,” Akutagawa demanded.

“Fiiine, we’ll see,” Gogol sighed. “That also kind of depends on Fyodor, you know.”

“Speaking of Fyodor,” Akutagawa leaned in, looking even more serious. “Do you honestly think this relationship is a good idea? I don’t mean for you because you’ve been trying to woo Fyodor as long as I know you. Objectively.”

Suddenly, Gogol started to look strangely uncomfortable.

“I shouldn’t talk about this with you, you’re too close with Fyodor,” Gogol glared suspiciously.

“Well, you are going to talk to because you are my guest and I have power over you,” Akutagawa enlightened him. “So what do you think?” Gogol remained silent. “I won’t tell Fyodor.”

“Geez, you’re pushy, Tofu-chan, but I guess that’s what your eco species just is. Always yelling at me for eating meat or using plastic or ordering take out...”

“Gogol,” Akutagawa urged him coldly.

“Fiiiiiine. It’s an utterly terrible idea. Even if he likes me more than he does most people, that still counts as barely and let’s face it, we’re both backstabbing bitches. It’s doomed, we are doomed,” he rambled. “But what can I do, I love him so much! I’m pretty sure I have loved him from the very first time I met him. So I’m not backing off. I will make him happy, I’m determined to do so.”

“I’m sure Fyodor was delighted to find out that the whole foundation of your friendship is you crushing on him.  Because he knows, right?” Akutagawa raised his eyebrow.

“It’s Fyodor, of course, he knows,” Atsushi sneaked into the room and sat down on the couch next to them. “I can be here too, right? You can throw me out if you mind,” he shyly looked down.

“Nah, kotyonok, you’re always cool,” Gogol winked at him. “And don’t worry about Fyodor and I. He’s just super fatalistic, as always. He tends to think that all the things are doomed from the start. Can you believe that the first thing he did when he found out about my feelings was trying to hook me up with some other people ‘so I would be happy’? He’s also doing it with Belka, other then a few minor failures he does everything he can so Chuuya and the hat thief will be happy together. Sometimes Fyodor just assumes people will be better with anyone who’s not him and... I just really wish he would finally accept how much he means to me. There is absolutely no way ever, anyone can replace Fyodor for me. Can you two help me convince him? Please.”

“Gogol, listen to me,” Akutagawa sat up straight. “I know I’m shit at social interactions but I’m going to tell you what to do and you’ll obey. Fist of all, don’t rush. Don’t push. Take your time. Secondly, Fyodor values your friendship, so promise him you’ll always be friends. Even if you get together and break up.”

Gogol actually snorted.

“You are such a naive idealist. It’s funny.”

“Fine, then don’t get together with Fyodor,” Akutagawa scoffed. “And because you’ve disrespected me, you’ll get assassinated,” he added seriously.

“By whom?” Gogol cocked his head.

Suddenly, just as Akutagawa predicted, Rashoumon, who was slowly approaching from behind jumped on the armrest and from it to Gogol’s head. He bounced off it, landing soundly in his master’s lap. Akutagawa smirked and petted him.

Gogol rather than upset seemed overexcited.

“This cat is so awesome! You should really train it to be a beast murderer! That would be something! Just imagine: carnivore evil beast demon Rashoumon, punishing evil. You could unleash him on society and make sure they recycle. Or you could make him a sneaky predator protecting Atsushi from meat-eaters in Little Ladybug. It would be an urban legend: a ghost cat tormenting clients of the supermarket for buying meat or using too much plastic.”

“It sounds like a plan,” they all looked up, hearing a familiar voice in the door. Fyodor leaned on the doorframe, his hair all wet, his favorite Digimon pajamas on, his new coat thrown over his shoulders casually. He was holding a red acoustic guitar covered in marker drawings and ugly caricatures in his left hand. “If only Akutagawa could bear to be away from his beloved creature for more than a few hours.”

“Ryuu really loves that cat,” Atsushi tried to pet Rashoumon but the cat immediately stiffened a bit.  “You have a guitar? I didn’t know you could play guitar too.”

“It’s his,” Fyodor passed the guitar to Gogol and sat in front of him on the floor. “Play me something, I’m in the mood.”

The other cat, Gekka, slowly approached Fyodor and licked his feet. He picked him up and brought him to his chest in a little awkward hug that made Atsushi smile. Only then Akutagawa realized, he wouldn’t mind living like this for a longer time. Maybe even indefinitely. With Fyodor, Atsushi and their two cats. Gogol wasn’t really that annoying most of the time, he could stay if Fyodor wanted him to. Especially, since he had quickly tuned the guitar and started casually playing some slow, sentimental melody and turned out to be suspiciously good at it.

“You actually do play,” Akutagawa didn’t hide his surprise.

“Gogol used to be in a band,” Fyodor provided. “That’s actually how we met.”

“Wow, really?” Atsushi gasped. “Were you popular?”

Akutagawa noticed, that Gogol wasn’t that talkative and easy-going as usual at this moment. There was certainly a tension on his face but it wasn’t necessarily discomfort. He seemed completely focused on the guitar, changing the tune to a fast, desperate one.

“I like this one,” Fyodor smiled. “His band used to be kind of popular,” Fyodor shrugged. “But most of their songs were trashy ones,  funny but nothing special, really. But they all dressed up as clowns and did idiotic things on stage and that sold the tickets. Gogol hated how they destroyed his initial idea so he left.”

“We started the band because we liked the idea of being funny jesters that have a lot of irony but brutally talk about the world and its rules,” Gogol sighed, fingers skillfully moving around the guitar’s neck. “But guess what, the producer told us the lyrics are not important, most of the people won’t get them either way. So we should just be funny clowns. The worst year of my life. I like jokes and fun but what we were doing there felt so empty... Fortunately, I met Fyodor and he reminded me that I’m free to do whatever I want. So I quit, went back to uni and got my degree. But before that, I played one really grim and sad song on my last live like I always wanted to do, and funnily enough, it beat all their other songs on Spotify and everywhere else. I was laughing for a week when it happened. And the best part was that ‘Dead Souls’ was exactly about the industry and why I’m quitting so they couldn’t really beg me to come back or it would sound less authentic.”

“How exactly did you meet Fyodor?” Atushi asked, excitement and curiosity shining in his eyes.

“I found him crying on the ground in the rain with a bottle of vodka in his hand during some music festival,” Fyodor said in a casual tone, making Gogol abruptly stop playing. “He was just seating in the corner. He wasn’t even drinking, I think he just wanted to look like a miserable drunk so people wouldn’t approach him. Oh, and he had makeup leftovers smudged all over his face. He looked just terrible.”

“Shut up, this makeup wasn’t my choice,” Gogol scoffed and resumed a simple but sad melody.

“I cannot imagine Gogol crying,” Akutagawa said. “No, it’s not possible.”

“Hey, I can cry!” Gogol protested ceasing to play again since he needed his palm to express how outraged he was. “I was in a really bad place back then! And crying is good! It means you’re alive and not dead inside!”

“I didn’t say it was bad,” Akutagawa shrugged. “Maybe it just means you all the time I know you, you seem happy.”

“Nikolai,” Fyodor leaned in and patted Gogol on the knee. “Play me some more, would you?”

“Tomorrow you’re playing the cello for me.”

“Deal.”

Gogol nodded and started playing again. Akutagawa didn’t recognize any of the melodies but maybe they were Russian.

“So I’m there, wanting just to be left alone in my misery for once,” Gogol continued. “When this super pretty young guy sits next to me, putting his umbrella over my head. I told him to go away and that I don’t need or deserve an umbrella that I want it to rain on me so I will feel something even if it’s the cold. And get this. Fyodor ignored my dramatic speech altogether and just said ‘Silly, everyone deserves an umbrella. It’s a basic human right.’ And then, in just a few minutes Fyodor reminded me that it’s my life and I can choose what to do with it. He seemed almost unreal, this weird kid with a stupidly huge white umbrella, who just turned my world around in a matter of seconds.”

“It wasn’t that difficult, you know,” Fyodor rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if you noticed but Gogol has this awful trait that he’s all about his freedom and creates chaos often just for the sake of proving it but at the same time he likes to follow something to give the general direction to his craziness. An idea, a person, some value, doesn’t matter as long as he deems it worth fighting for. I had a feeling you were like this after a few minutes and decided to free you from your current master.”

Akutagawa and Atsushi exchanged meaningful looks. They had a pretty good idea what or rather who was giving Gogol direction for the last few years. A quick glance at the man made Akutagawa sure he knew that too. Fyodor too, bit his lip, clearly understanding that maybe, he had sad too much.

 For a moment, silence, disturbed only by Gogol’s quiet guitar, fell heavily on them. Slowly, Gogol started to pull the strings more loudly, to somehow break it. It did the exact opposite, none of them tried to speak up. Finally, when the song ended. Gogol abruptly put the guitar down and leaned in, getting closer to Fyodor.

“Fyedya, I honestly don’t mind how much influence you have over my life. It’s a good influence. If anyone else had so much power over me I would end up fighting them or running away. But you make me a better person so I don’t mind it that much. And I genuinely like you as a person so I want to stay by your side. Also, there is the thing of how much you rely on me and trust me. I know it’s not exactly one-sided Fyodor. You lasted two weeks after moving here before asking me to come to Japan.”

“And it took you a few months to get here, you loser,” Fyodor scoffed.

“I had to change my job and the country I was living in because you missed me, you don’t get to be picky about it. Although if I knew how much you did want to see me, I would have come sooner.”

 Fyodor stared into Gogol’s eyes with strange determination.

“Who told you?”

“Well, Chuuya told me. And...”

“Gin and I called him,” Akutagawa came out although he had a feeling he was going to regret it. “When he was still in Russia. We barely knew you back then but you seemed really lonely. Especially, after Chuuya and Dazai started talking again. So we found Gogol online, casually asked him about his plans and we might have made him move here sooner than he planned. Sorry, Fyodor.”

“It’s amazing that you manage to keep secrets from me,” Fyodor’s lips twitched in an uncertain smile. “I’m not mad. I was lonely back then so you helped me. Still, don’t go behind my back, it’s not a good idea,” he finished with a calm threat and moved on to the next subject. “Nikolai, play me one more song, then I’m going to bed. I’m sleepy. This talk with you was surprisingly exhausting.”

“Your favorite, Fyodor?”

“No,” he shook his head. “The calmer one.”

Gogol nodded and adjusted tunes a bit. Then, he started pulling strings, playing a complex, difficult melody. He meticulously crafted mood that was hard to place, sad and resigned, on one hand, on the other full of hope if one looked for it and paid attention to the higher notes that brightened up the tune. Somehow, no matter what other, more complex feelings the song has been bringing up, it remained calm and comforting at the same time.

Fyodor laid back on the flood with a quiet sigh, little Gekka immediately found his place on the man’s stomach. His hand started petting cat’s back slowly and after a while, Gekka let out a happy purr.

Fyodor closed his eyes and let the others see one of his rare genuine smiles that appeared only when Fyodor was truly happy.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa liked to imagine himself making a change as a lawyer. That was one of the few things that helped him put up with the ominous textbooks that weighed a ton and were written in just a horrible manner. Still, it didn’t work for long. He knew he had a test soon so he needed to study but at this point, he was just desperately seeking a reason for a break.

Akutagawa stared at Atsushi who was quickly typing on his laptop keyboard, clearly very invested in the conversation. He was half laid down on their bad and it didn’t look like he would leave the room anytime soon.

“Atsushi, could you leave for a moment? I should check up on Dazai and Chuuya’s gift.”

“Or you could just tell me what is in the box by the window and then I wouldn’t have to leave,” Atsushi suggested. “Or I could just close my eyes. I don’t really want to move.”

Akutagawa sighed.

“No,” he declined. “But fine. I’ll take care of it later. Just remind me when you’re willing to stand up.”

“Thank you, Ryuu,” Atsushi smiled. “Hey, I want to ask you about something. Did Gogol move out and I didn’t notice?”

“Well, he wasn’t here last night but his things are mostly still here. Why do you ask?” Akutagawa put away his notebook.

Atsushi looked up from the computer.

“Don’t take it the wrong way but around two weeks ago Gogol started a conversation with me, Chuuya, and Odasaku saying ‘We all are going out with weird people, let’s have a group so we can complain.’ Not that I complain about you that much. I just like to listen about their problems,” Atsushi quickly cleared that up. “And weird things are happening right now in this group.”

“What do you mean?”

“It looks like Fyodor and Gogol had a fight and now Gogol is living at Dazai’s. Well, technically, he’s staying with Chuuya but we all know it’s Dazai’s place.”

“Why would Gogol go to Dazai’s?” Akutagawa found it awfully suspicious. “He has a lot of better friends.”

“Not to mention that we live here and I think we would have known if there was a fight.”

They were interrupted by a loud knocking. Akutagawa stood up and opened the door that revealed panicked Fyodor.

“There is a spider in the bathroom. One of you needs to get rid of it. Now. Please, it’s terrifying.”

Akutagawa remained still, savoring this moment. It wasn’t that often that Fyodor was helpless and needed his help so badly. He took too long to do so because Atsushi managed to get over the shock and step in as the savior.

“I’ll take it out,” he offered, standing up.

“Okay. Kill it, take it far, far away, so it never comes back, whatever, I don’t care as long as it’s no longer in this apartment. Just get rid of it. And I’ll wait here.”

“Fyodor is scared of spiders,” Akutagawa explained as if it wasn’t clear enough.

“I see,” Atsushi cocked his head, showing off his ear, which made Akutagawa twitch. “Don’t worry, Fyodor. It’s going to be fine.”

Atsushi left and Fyodor started his usual speech that happened every time they found a spider in the apartment.

“What if it had babies and they are here somewhere, lurking in the shadows? What if they are in my room? What if this spider was a baby and its mother is here somewhere and will kill me and the cats?”

“No matter how big the spider is, nothing will kill Rashoumon. That cat is the ultimate predator and it will murder any spider instantly. And don’t worry, Gogol looks like someone very proficient at killing spiders with a slipper.”

They heard the apartment door close, meaning the spider was already outside. Fyodor let out a relieved exhale.

“Gogol is not here. Can I sleep here tonight? Please. You know I’m scared of spiders at night.”

“Do I look like a person who would randomly share his bed? Just call Gogol.”

“I can’t. Akutagawa, please.”

The desperation in Fyodor’s voice was so unusual that Akutagawa started wavering.

“We’ll ask Atsushi when he’s back, maybe it’s better to just let you stay. The last time there was a spider in the apartment, you had a nightmare and woke me up in the middle of the night so you could drink tea with me and calm down. And then you tricked me into watching anime all night with you because you were still scared.”

“Maybe we could have a marathon tonight too?” Fyodor asked.

“No way. Dazai’s birthday is tomorrow. I’m not having two nights of no sleep in a row.”

“Fine,” Fyodor resigned.

“And seriously, just call Gogol. He’d be more than happy if you did.”

“No, he’s always ridiculing how much I hate spiders. He left a fake spider in my room when I was seventeen, that asshole, I will never forgive him,” Fyodor muttered with a stern expression.

“Hey,” Atsushi reentered the room. “The spider is outside, I left him on the other side of the building so he shouldn’t come back.”

“I would be happier if you killed it but that’s good to hear,” Fyodor smiled uncertainly.

“Atsushi, it’s okay if Fyodor sleeps with us tonight?” Akutagawa asked. “He’s scared the spider had a giant mother that will murder him in his sleep or something.”

“I don’t mind,” Atsushi agreed. “But why he’s sleeping with us and not Gogol? Did you really have a fight like Chuuya said in the group chat?”

Fyodor sighed.

“No, we didn’t,” he explained. “I just needed Gogol out, because I was right and I can’t think when he’s here and I really need to figure out what I actually want from him. So I sent him on a mission to secure the birthday party plan at its core. And because I don’t trust Dazai to execute everything satisfyingly well. We’re pretending that we had a minor disagreement or else it would be suspicious, don’t tell Chuuya that.”

“I think it would be best if you didn’t lie to Chuuya.”

“Oh no, that’s not a lie,” Fyodor corrected him innocently. “Just the surprise party preparation element.”

“Still, can’t you call Gogol? You hog the blankets,” Akutagawa sighed.

“No.”

They ended up watching anime with Fyodor until 3 am. Because of the whole ordeal, Akutagawa forgot that he was supposed to water the gift for Dazai and Chuuya.

Fortunately, the gift managed to survive.

***

Akutagawa regretted that technically he was still helping Chuuya out with the organization of Dazai’s birthday party. And that meant decoration. Fyodor has told Chuuya that he had orchestrated some scheme to get Dazai out of the apartment for the whole afternoon but the two were actually doing some final preparations. Akutagawa knew well enough to guess that Fyodor and Dazai were off somewhere putting final touches on their own surprise party.

Akutagawa, on the other hand, ended up as almost a slave, trapped in Dazai’s apartment, not even on a couch but on the floor, helping Chuuya and Gogol decorate the whole flat with crepe paper. Actually, this week Akutagawa and Atsushi had already spent hours on the floor making flowers and garlands so now they had to just attach them everywhere. Chuuya and Dazai’s place looked even more cheesy than usual, all their valentine gifts were now even more exposed, matching the bright red crepe paper. Akutagawa hated it.

But at least he won the argument against the balloons. To be fair, he blackmailed Chuuya telling him that he would have to choose between the whole mountain of crepe paper flowers (along with his friendship and respect) and balloons. Chuuya got mad but in the end, he agreed with Akutagawa, probably because he had no other choice and he knew that if there were any ballons in one room with Akutagawa, the whole party would be doomed either way.

Since there were three of them, they finished up decorating quickly, the snacks cooking part moved smoothly as well. Suddenly, by five, they ended up with no more preparation to do and over two hours before people would start gathering.

“So, listen,” Gogol spoke up as he put the last dreadful piece of cheese smelling of cows suffering in the fridge so Akutagawa would stop complaining. “Sigma got me and Fyodor a board game but since we had a fight I kinda took it with me. We’re pretty much done here so maybe let’s play a bit before everyone arrives.”

“Fine by me. But first, you’ll help me attach the giant heart to the lamp in the living room.”

“Chuuya, we told you. It’s tacky,” Akutagawa reminded him, glaring at the awful heartshaped fridge magnets that seemed to be handmade.

“If you haven’t noticed this whole place is tacky,” Chuuya scoffed. “So it matches the ambiance.”

“By the way,  who made those magnets, Chuuya?” Gogol asked, following Akutagawa’s eyes. “Quite awesome, reminds me of a time when I was little and my baboulenka would take me and my brother to the community center for art classes after school l so I would be forced to act creatively instead of putting her house in danger by being there.”

“You have a brother?”

“And a bunch of sisters, I’m full of mysteries, cucumber. Though my bro is rather boring especially compared to myself. So Chuuya? Who made the hearts?”

“I and Lucy decided that it’s stupid that Ango, Dazai, and Odasaku just drink every week. So we decided to force them to spend time together sober and signed them up for craft workshops. Now Dazai brings a ton of ugly things like those home,” Chuuya sighed. “Last week he was devastated because he had no idea how to ruin a basket he was making. Finally, he added a huge pink ribbon with ‘I love Chuuya’ on it. Horrible. We keep it but it’s so ugly it needs to stay on the balcony.”

Akutagawa had a strange hunch that something would happen to the basket this night. But from Chuuya’s tone, he guessed he wouldn’t be too upset about it.

After finishing with the giant heart, they sat down on the floor and started playing the unicorn card game. It turned out to be surprisingly complex and engaging. They kept playing, sending their unicorns to school, teaching them magic spells. People started coming, mostly Dazai’s friends from school and they were still playing although Chuuya made an effort by putting out snacks and turning on some music. Since the guests knew each other, they started talking about school or commenting about their unicorns.

If Akutagawa wasn’t that engaged in the game, he would have said that this party was pretty lame. But the unicorn game was awesome and he couldn’t wait to spend a whole day playing it with his roommates.

Since they were playing a game called ‘Rainbow speed run’ according to the box. Akutagawa thought it wasn’t really a good name, more appropriate would be ‘How to educate your unicorn into being overpowered and cute’. Chuuya managed to win before the party got too crowded. All his unicorns learned special skills and they’ve sent half of Akutagawa’s and Gogol’s unicorns back to the kindergarten. It wasn’t even like Akutagawa and Gogol made the win easy for Chuuya since it was the day of his belated party. He was just that good.

More people wanted to play the game so they left the cards on the floor and joined the party. Akutagawa more or less kept checking his phone to see when Atsushi or Gin would come. Chuuya immediately blended in in the crowd of Dazai’s weird friends from music academy since he knew them all but he and Gogol after a few attempts to make a conversation with the groups opted to keep to the corner.

Akutagawa noticed that Gogol looked a little down, he was oddly quiet and pensive as he sipped his drink.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Just,” Gogol glanced at Chuuya. “he acts like he knows all these people that go to school with Fyodor and Dazai pretty well and I never met any of them. And that’s normal because Fyodor’s not my boyfriend to introduce me to his friends or...”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” he lowered his voice to whisper since he knew that a lot of music students had good ears. “Those are not Fyodor’s friends. He doesn’t even like them.”

Gogol froze his cup halfway up to his mouth. He smirked.

“Hm. He does complain a lot about the people in his classes, and it does sound like him, he hates most people,” Gogol nodded. “You’re right, this was stupid and irrational. I guess just slowly exiting the safety of the friendzone is making me a bit insecure. Well, since we’ve cleared that up, I’m gonna play barman and spike their drinks more than they want,” he winked. “What drink do you want, Vege-chan?”

“I do not trust your drinks. But make me something sweet.”

“Awww, you’re missing your little tiger so bad? Don’t worry, he already left home so he’ll be here soon.”

“Why do you know what my boyfriend is doing better than I do?”

“We have this waifu chat, it’s an awesome thing, thou, since Atsushi is already there, we can’t let you in, Tofu-chan, one waifu per couple, that’s the rules. But you know what will make feel better?” he winked. “When Atsushi gets here, we’re doing shots. A lot of them.”

“I don’t see a connection.”

“There is none. I’m just having fun!”

***

Dazai planned the whole thing precisely and most of his and Chuuya’s common friends all arrived around eight-thirty, all wearing hats.

Chuuya, who had no idea, kept letting them in, with each person getting more suspicious.

Atsushi wore a disastrous knitted hat with cat ears. The most disastrous part was the fact, that Akutagawa found it far too cute to admit it, and just looking at Atsushi made him feel embarrassed. 

With each guest, the party got more lively and the music got louder. Gogol was making drinks with a professional approach, making even the stiff people from the music academy loosen up and have fun.

At nine, Dazai finally arrived, Sigma following close after him, dragging two large suitcases with. Dazai immediately grinned at the party and the hats everywhere as soon as Chuuya approached him, he pulled him into a kiss and Chuuya let him.

Akutagawa looked away because honestly, they were a bit disgusted with their love. He dropped his eyes to the suitcases, trying to guess what was inside. Out of the blue, one of them budged as if something moved inside. Akutagawa’s jaw dropped open.

“Happy birthday,” Chuuya said, his face still awfully close to Dazai’s. “There’s your favorite alcohol in the kitchen, I grabbed a few kinds.”

“Wait a moment,” Dazai said and took something out of his pocket and wrapped it around Chuuya’s neck. “Happy birthday to you too, that’s the first part.”

“My birthday was a month ago,” Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“I know. But you didn’t get to celebrate it properly so you’re getting a proper birthday party now. Surprise!” Dazai grinned. “Your friends are coming in a few minutes. Now it’s our party.”

“What?” Chuuya gaped at him.

Fyodor appeared from behind Sigma, being a perfect enigma of a human being he always was. Akutagawa could swear that he didn’t notice him enter.

“I worked together with Dazai, and we got you a special gift. It’s in the suitcase.”

Chuuya was still in a bit of a shock but he obediently got down and put his hands on the zipper. “I would recommend starting with the other suitcase,” Fyodor advised with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

It was the suitcase that has moved before, so Akutagawa’s heart skipped a bit. Dazai and Fyodor were capable of a lot of nasty things so what was their limit? Did they kidnap a person? No, they wouldn’t bring someone who they kidnapped to a party. So maybe an animal? If they violated any animal rights, he would make them burn in hell for it. No animal deserved to be put in a suitcase like that.

The suitcase got unzipped and a human being jumped out of it, glomping over Chuuya. Akutagawa let out a relieved sigh, he was glad it was just a person and not an animal.

“My precious son!” Rimbaud cried almost strangling Chuuya.

“Dad? How come you’re here?”

“Oh, those two invited me and Paul to your belated birthday party and I couldn’t say no to a random adventure. I’m so happy to see you!”

Chuuya let himself be hugged for a moment. He didn’t say anything but it was clear that he too was extremely happy.

“Thank you, guys,” he said finally, in a voice so quiet and trembling that it was hard to hear over the music.

“Glad you like the gift. That’s not all though,” Dazai smirked. “I have one more downstairs. Come with?”

“Okay. But I have no idea how you are going to beat this, really.”

“Stop flirting for a moment,” Rimbaud scolded Chuuya softly with a rather supportive smile. “and get my life partner out of the second suitcase first, please.”

“I would greatly appreciate that,” Paul Verlaine grumbled from the inside.

After Verlaine got out and gave Chuuya a hug, they all moved downstairs, where already some of the new party guests have gathered. Akutagawa noticed Atsushi and quickly moved to his side.

“Hey.”

“Hi, did we miss much?”

“Not really, there’s a cool unicorn card game upstairs, we can play it later.”

Atsushi smiled at him. “Sounds fun.”

They were interrupted by Chuuya’s shriek. “Dazai, you bastard, do you have an idea how much that costs?!”

“Of course I do, I bought it for you,” they heard Dazai’s cackle.

When they turned, they saw Chuuya violently tugging on Dazai’s shirt next to a motorcycle wrapped in red ribbon.

“You are so irresponsible! That’s way too expensive for a gift!”

“Hey,”  Dazai grabbed his wrist and flashed another foolish grin. “I know I suck over half of the time as a boyfriend. Much less than I did but I still have a way to go, before you’re less miserable with me. So let me make it up for you for now by giving you something you really wanted,” he said.

Chuuya frowned in return.

“You don’t make me miserable,” he muttered. “I know I complain a lot but I’ve been quite happy since we got back together and I’m really glad we did. And thanks, I guess.”

“Wanna jump on it and run away from the party together with me?” Dazai playfully spun the keys around his finger.

“Fuck off, I spent a while planning this party, we are staying,” Chuuya scoffed and snatched the keys away.

“I know, so did I,” Dazai chuckled. “Okay, let’s go upstairs and enjoy the fruits of our labor!” he yelled to everyone gathered.

And so the crowd moved upstairs again, Akutagawa included. All that brought gifts chose that moment to dump them at Chuuya and Dazai, and he did so too, although reluctantly. He felt like his briiliant idea of getting Chuuya and Dazai two cactuses in a single vibrant pot got slightly lost in the crowd. Dazai still had a good lough about it, appreciating himself and his whole relationship being compared to cactuses stuck together in one pot. Especially since he and Chuuya both had their thorns but never the less, have proven that their relationship was even harder to kill than a cactus. The plants earned a honorable place in the bedroom which appeased Akutagawa’s pride.

The party continued, gradually becoming wilder and wilder. The Russians took out some dice and started a drinking game that soon made most of the guests completely wrecked. Akutagawa didn’t join them, just watched in disdain as they all succumbed to the alcohol, his boyfriend included. Only after Atsushi lost for the sixth time, Akutagawa dragged him away, splashed water on his face, and ordered him to behave himself.

Twenty minutes again, Atsushi was playing again but Akutagawa still felt like he won since those twenty minutes were crucial and saved him from holding Atsushi’s hair as he puked in Dazai’s bathroom.

Even he was feeling quite tipsy already without the addition of the Russian drinking games. But probably it was also because he yet again made a mistake of accepting a cocktail made by Gogol.

The drink in his hand was of unsavory smell and color but the taste was fine, although it was quite strong. When he decided to go get some air he felt he was waking slightly less graciously towards the balcony than he would like to be.

The door was slightly ajar and he was about to push it open but suddenly he heard voices, ones that he recognized and he didn’t like their grim tone.

“I just feel like it’s not going anywhere,” Tachihara said painfully.

“You’re right. There is no point,” Gin answered and Akutagawa froze, shocked by his sister’s resigned tone. She was not the type to show any emotions that would make her seem weak and that was one of them.

Whatever has happened between them, it made Gin feel upset and Akutagawa couldn’t bear it.

“I’m sorry,” Tachihara continued. “I feel like I should have put in more effort. To fight for it.  But apparently... it seems that I don’t care enough to even try to fight and I just can’t do this any longer.”

Akutagawa took a step back, quickly connecting the dots. Was it.... was it a breakup talk? Was the Trash breaking up with Gin?  

It made him uncomfortable at a level he never expected to experience.

When he started thinking about he realized that he actually hoped that that stupid Trash would make his sister happy, he would take care of her, he would be there for her. And with time he started trusting that Tachihara would do just that because he seemed to genuinely love his sister.

And she could have done far worse. Tachihara was not so bad. Who was she going to date now? Did she have to date someone who wasn’t Tachihara?

A sudden realization hit him - he didn’t want that Trash to go. He liked Tachihara.

Akutagawa cringed and raised his glass up to his mouth, drinking it all in one go. His hands were shaking. He was torn between stepping onto the balcony and revealing himself and going to the kitchen to find more alcohol. And Atsushi, maybe, he really needed a hug right now.

Gin would kill him if he interrupted right now so he took a step back and made a turn toward the kitchen, weak-kneed, scanning the room for Atsushi on the way.

He found him by the kettle, attempting to make himself instant ramen.

“Ryuu? Are you okay?”

Worried Atsushi approached him, putting his hand on Akutagawa’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. He immediately knew that something was wrong and Akutagawa really appreciated that Atsushi wasn’t as dumb and oblivious as he sometimes seemed.

“I like Trash, Atsushi,” he confessed as if it was the worst thing that has ever happened to him. “I like Trash.”

“Like plastic? How drunk are you? And, god, your hands are shaking. You had way too much of Gogol’s spiked yerba mate.”

“He spiked my yerba too? No. That’s not it. And I do not like plastic, I would never. Or would I? I am not sure what kind of person I am if I like Trash who knows what else I could like.”

With each passing second, he was feeling less and less certain about the world because he used to think he would never absolutely ever like Tachihara but, in fact, he did.

“I don’t think that’s the case but just to be safe I want to say - If this is some strange way of telling me about your kinks, sorry, I love you, but no. Even if it comes to you, I have some boundaries,” Atsushi said, caressing his shoulder slowly, trying to comfort him.

“Oh my god, Atsushi,” Akutagawa groaned. “That’s disgusting. I’m talking about Tachihara.”

“Oh my god.” Atsushi gasped. “But you hate Tachihara.”

“That’s exactly my problem! I don’t want him and Gin breaking up!”

“Are they breaking up?” Atsushi was confused.

“Probably. And I hate it.”

The kettle beeped letting them know that the water has boiled. Akutagawa grabbed two mugs and tried to pour hot water over the tea Gin liked in a weak attempt to comfort her but his hands were still shaking so much he could barely raise the kettle, not to mention pour boiling water straight into the mugs. Atsushi quickly took it over, clearly expecting a tragedy.

“Ryuu, leave that, you’ll burn yourself. Let me do it.”

Atsushi poured the hot water over the tea, peeking up at Akutagawa with worry.

“Thank you. I mean it. Thank you, Atsushi,” he replied, his voice trembling.

“You’re welcome. And that’s no problem, I love you after all.”

“I guess I love you too. A lot. You’re a good human being, Atsushi, it’s good to have by my side in this gruesome universe full of terrors and unexpected traps.”

Atsushi blinked in surprise. He cupped Akutagawa’s face assessing his eyes carefully.

“Seriously, what’s going on with you today? How drunk are you? Do you want us to go home?”

Akutagawa didn’t shake his hand off but he expressed his discontentment with a dramatic eye roll.

“I’m in crisis, I got emotional. Let’s forget about it.”

“Never. What happened between Gin and Tachihara?”

“They are having some unpleasant talk on the balcony. I like Tachihara, I don’t want him to go,” he sighed.

Atsushi took out two more cups from the drying tray and made his favorite white tea and a lemon balm for Akutagawa.

“Maybe they are okay and you’re just misinterpreting things. Let’s try joining them? If it won’t work, I will just drink tea with you.”

Suddenly, Akutagawa felt a need to pull Atsushi in a tight hug and never let go. He decided to for once forego his dignity and just go for it. Atsushi gaped at him in shock.

“Wow. You really are weird today. Not that I complain,” he added quickly.

“Don’t get used to it,” Akutagawa scoffed, resting his head on Atsushi’s shoulder.

The boy wrapped his arms around him and leaned into the touch. They were quiet for a while, the feeling of being cuddled in the warm did help Akutagawa quiet down his crazy heartbeat. He was still uncomfortable with his own mind but the rest was okay.

“Oh my god, so that’s how you two look like when you are alone!” cheerful Dazai came into the kitchen.

“Shut up, senpai,” Akutagawa quickly pulled away in an attempt to preserve his cold image. “You know well that we don’t.”

“Atsushi seems to like it, maybe you should reconsider, Akutagawa-kun,” Dazai tittered in reply. “Wow, this party must be really lame if you are drinking tea this early.”

“It’s just a little bit of Akutagawa family drama,” Atsushi explained. “Don’t look too much into it.”

“Actually, I’ve been wondering what’s going on ever since Tachihara almost punched Sigma. That was unexpected.”

“What?” Akutagawa frowned.

Dazai just shrugged, grabbed a bottle of wine, and left. Atsushi and Akutagawa exchanged glances, grabbed the teas, and left for the balcony.

This time Akutagawa did not hesitate, he just pushed the door open, armed with Atsushi’s support he felt strong enough to do that. Even if Gin would want to murder him afterward.

He expected tears and drama, honestly. He did not expect Gin and Tachihara sitting in a loveseat, smoking, looking perfectly normal. Gin even had her legs thrown over Tachihara’s thighs and she was looking very comfortable.

“Sister,” Akutagawa greeted her with a frown.

“Onii-san,” Gin replied.

“We brought some tea,” Atsushi rushed in to ease the tension. “You two look fine surprisingly fine, are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Gin asked in confusion.

“Huh. I guess Ryuu is just drunk,” Atsushi shrugged. “Sit down and drink your tea,” he pushed Akutagawa down on the second loveseat and squeezed himself in next to him.

“No, we’re not sitting down,” Akutagawa protested. “I am not staying here unless they put those death sticks down.”

Gin chuckled and Tachihara shivered, clearly still very much scared of Akutagawa’s opinion about him. He rushed to dump his cigarette into the ashtray and Gin did the same.

“You’re seeming a bit giddy, brother,” Gin pointed out.

“I am feeling a bit giddy, I have to admit,” Akutagawa cleared his throat. Although Gin still noticed something was off, he was feeling that he has mostly composed himself already.

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” he scoffed.

“Okay, it may sound weird,” Atsushi started, leaning in a bit as if he was letting them in on some secret. Akutagawa knew already what he was about to say so he could only facepalm. “But Ryuu ran into the kitchen a moment ago, drunk and in panic, he was for some reason convinced that you two were breaking up. He also said some pretty embarrassing things that I think he should definitely confess in a moment.”

“I will not,” Akutagawa growled.

“Huh?” Tachihara blinked. “We’re not breaking up. I love Gin.”

“Why would you think that, onii-san?” she asked.

“I was near the balcony a moment ago and overheard something that made me jump to perfectly logical conclusions,” Akutagawa replied, taking a sip of his lemon balm.

“Oh,” Tachihara realized. “We were talking about...” he stumbled. “I want to quit my job. I don’t like those people, the job itself makes me feel dirty and like an asshole, I hate it.”

“I don’t care about your job as long as you make money to provide for my sister,” Akutagawa replied coldly. “Why would Gin be emotional about you complaining about work? Don’t lie to me.”

“Because he’s my boyfriend and I can be open about my feelings with him, onii-san,” Gin answered matter-of-factly.

“No, you’re not. We’re family, we’re cold and dignified,” Akutagawa protested.

“Says the person who’s just clung to me in the kitchen,” Atsushi mocked him.

“Shut up, Jinko,” Akutagawa muttered.

“Ryuu also has one thing more to say,” Atsushi taunted him with a smirk.

“No, I don’t. I’m taking it with myself to my grave,” he announced, deadly serious. “And what about Sigma?”

“Oh, he said Kyouka was prettier than Gin and he put in a very crude way so I tried to punch him but he dodged,” Tachihara shrugged.

Again, feelings of approval attacked Akutagawa, forcing him to hide his face behind the tea mug. He liked Tachihara, he was a good boy, a suitable boyfriend for his sister. Even in his thoughts, it felt so wrong to say that but at the same time – so right.

Out of the blue, a hatted head peered out of the door. Chuuya looked around the balcony and sighed. “Hey, didn’t you see Dazai or Fyodor?”

“Dazai was in the kitchen just a moment ago,” Atsushi said. “He took a bottle of wine and left.”    

“Huh,” Chuuya pondered. “That’s relatively good because it means they didn’t disappear together probably and they didn’t kill each other either. Most likely. Gogol wants to play some cheesy song for Fyodor and profess his love for him but we can’t find him or Dazai so we started jumping to conclusions. Anyways, if you see either one of them, tell them to come back to the living room.”

Chuuya went back inside.

They chatted a bit after that, fortunately, Atsushi let go and didn’t force the confession out of Akutagawa in the end. Akutagawa already blessed Tachihara’s resignation letter – that was most he could openly do without losing his face. He decided that maybe, gradually, he could work on demonstrating his approval more openly but ‘gradually’ was the keyword here. He was still convinced that if he openly said that he liked Tachihara, the latter would stop making effort, would just slack off and inevitably he would destroy his own relationship. And Gin needed to be protected so no open approval for her boyfriend it was.

They finished their teas and returned to the party inside, only to find out, that everyone was still looking for Fyodor and Dazai. They didn’t reply to messages, no one knew where they went, only that the wine disappeared. Pushkin took a few people and even went on a trip to the nearest convenience store, hoping to find them.

Chuuya was worried and honestly, Akutagawa understood why. Those two had a history of making each other miserable that went far and deep.

Gogol was sadly pulling the strings of his guitar, pouting because Fyodor didn’t text him back nor did he tell him that he was leaving.

Although a bit reluctantly, Akutagawa decided to help with the search, especially since he was much soberer than most of the people at the party. He knew that Chuuya already checked every nook and cranny of the apartment, he knew that Pushkin was looking around the neighborhood, and Verlaine along with Rimbaud went on a stroll in a nearby park so they had that area covered.

The only place that came to his mind was the roof.

He let Atsushi know where he was going and left the apartment, taking the stairs up. Oddly enough, for the second time already, he found himself in front of a slightly ajar door. Past misunderstanding still vivid in his mind, he grabbed the handle quickly to push it open and to avoid repeating past mistakes but somehow when he heard voices he fell into the very same trap and stayed frozen, just listening.

“You know,” he heard Fyodor saying. “I always thought it’s easier to love strangers. It’s because when you think of a stranger you don’t actually see them, you just see the idea of who you imagine the person is, who you’d like to believe them to be, and you can just omit all those human imperfections and flaws. You can pretend they are nice, that they have a good heart, that they don’t have any nasty habits, that they mean well. When I escape into this idealism of imagining humanity as something much more beautiful, noble, and good than it actually is, I find reality, as a whole, much more bearable. Despite how people as individuals let me down, I still can believe in the goodness of humanity. But so often, when I get to know people up close, they disappoint me so badly. They snore, they drink, they are stupid, they beat up their children, they cheat, they are greedy, they are nasty. It happens all the time, so I am prepared for it, it upsets me but then again – it is the way this world is. Humanity, despite its goodness, is terribly flawed and prone to failing, it is weak. I am used to people seeming charming and great and turning out to be vain and empty. But with you, it was actually the other way around.”

“Because I am openly a human trash?” Dazai cackled loudly. “Way to compliment me, Fyodor.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I absolutely abhor the idea of you, this asshole that I met at competitions with this mockery of a smile glued to his face, this person at school that constantly annoyed me and everyone around who made the mistake of getting too close to him, Chuuya’s trashy ex. But...” Fyodor halted midsentence, clearly struggling.

Akutagawa knew that he should leave, that he was eavesdropping on something very intimate that he definitely shouldn’t hear but he had already pushed the handle and was scared to let it go. The atmosphere on the roof seemed so tense that disrupting it with the smallest sound felt like a violation.

“Have some wine,” Dazai offered.

“Fine,” there was a pause and Akutagawa guessed Fyodor took a few sips. “... But when I actually got to know you, it was the complete opposite of what happens when I get to know people. You didn’t disappoint me, I honestly believed you’d be a truly horrible, despicable human being up close but you were not. And the worst thing was... I’m not saying that. You know what I mean,” Fyodor urged Dazai with agitation in his voice.

“We promised each other to have a very honest talk as long as there is still wine in this bottle. We owe it to Chuuya and everyone around, we need to clear the air between us two.” Dazai said and Fyodor only groaned loudly in reply. “I know, I know, I want to run away as badly as you do.”

“I hate this. I hate opening up to you.”

“And vice versa. But also... honestly, I don’t think I have ever felt so understood in my life,” Dazai said. “Even at the therapy, really. So, “ cleared his throat. “You were saying?”

Fyodor let out a long sigh, loud enough for Akutagawa to hear.

“When I got to know you better, instead of discovering the most loathsome person ever, as I expected... it turned out that, surprisingly, you mean well, for the most part. It’s just that you’re so different from most people that you don’t really fit into society and that’s why so many of the things you do just don’t fit, they harm others instead of making them happy. But you have good intentions, you take on this jovial jester role to make them smile but to me it always felt like... it’s like you’re pretending to be a human and in my honest opinion, you suck at this. But somehow people around still like you or at least they do until you accidentally harm them really bad. It always frustrated me so badly.”

“Because you’re worse at it than I am?” Dazai joked.

“I find your demeanor terribly vulgar, you know,” Fyodor sighed. “If you want to see how a jester looks like, look at Gogol. You’re a strange caricature of a jester that used to put me on edge just by being present in the same room. But,” Fyodor took a deep breath in. “Unfortunately I get why you’re doing it and this thing is... basically screaming at me, reminding me that you and I, we have similar problems, just different ways of dealing with them. Anyways,” Fyodor’s tone shifted and became slightly softer, “you actually do mean well, despite how clumsy you are at being human, and it’s ridiculous when there are so many people who imagine themselves as sages and saints while actually they look down at the weak and just use charity as a way of feeding their ego and you comparing to them... you don’t pretend to be that great. Despite how much you fail, you’re genuinely good in this very profound way that comes straight from the heart, not from moral codes, Bibles, or whatever, it’s just who you are, and even if it’s something that is not fully suited for the society, I can’t help but feel respect towards it, maybe even a tinge of admiration. What’s up with this face?”

“...Nothing. I just feel... oddly exposed,” Dazai stuttered a bit.

“Whatever. Coming back, I got to know you close and... I felt a connection like I have never felt with any other human being. Since we’re both... trying to fit in and be good to those around us but our very nature seems not to match the society, the whole system we function in and its values and we just keep failing.”

“I get what you’re talking about. Ever since I was a child, I always felt alienated, different, as if I was not fully human, I kept on pretending, putting on a face, a mask, pretending to be one, somewhat clumsily at times, I tried to fit in, tried to make myself more likable, I desperately tried to be what people would like, please them, make them laugh so they would accept me. It’s not really an act, it’s just how I am. And then I met you and you just saw right through it instantly. To be honest, it was terrifying so I decided to annoy you more. So you wouldn’t come close to me but at the same time, I too felt that, oh, this is finally it, this is someone who will get it, so I kept stirring trouble around you so we could develop... some sort of relationship.”

“How sweet that you stealing my blini when we were in eighteen was actually a clumsy attempt at bonding with me,” Fyodor hissed.

“You know I suck at human interactions despite my best effort.”

“It’s almost funny, isn’t it? We both spent our lives trying to understand other people, struggling with it terribly, doing better it than all the others around, and even though we succeeded, we kept failing, and still, we were feeling so terribly alienated, lonely. It was like we managed to somehow understand others, that’s how we get by in the society, that’s how we make bonds and friendship despite our nature but when someone is going to understand us? And when we met each other, the one person who could actually understand the other, we ended up hating each other’s guts.”

“Are you saying we should be friends Fyodor?” Dazai said in a mocking tone. “That’s so soft.”

“Oh, here it is. You’re trying to turn it into a joke so we’ll both laugh about it and move on with our lives,” Fyodor accused him with exasperation in his voice.

“Sorry,” Dazai sighed. “I guess I suck.”

“You do. Ask me again, you piece of trash.”

“Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky,” Dazai said seriously, no trace of laughter in his speech this time around, “will you let me in and let me your friend?”

Instead of an instant reply, there was a moment of silence.

“It’s much more frightening than I thought it would be,” Fyodor said. “It’s one thing to trust someone who you like and gradually become friends with by slowly showing some new parts of you. It’s the other to trust someone who understands you. It’s making me feel naked, like as if I’ll end up baring my soul to you if I say yes. But it’s inevitable isn’t it?”

“We’re already allies. We’re friends with the same people. We will get even closer whether we want it or not.”

“You’re not scared?” Fyodor asked but instantly knew the reply. “Right, you don’t care that much about yourself.”

“See how well you know me already?” Dazai laughed. “But honestly, Fyodor, I wouldn’t mind feeling less lonely, you know. I don’t mean that my friends or Chuuya are not enough just...”

“I know. They don’t get some things the way I would. They would react differently.”

“Exactly.”

“I think... I need it too. Let’s be friends, Dazai.”

“Yeah, let’s be friends.”

“God, this is so awkward,” Fyodor groaned. “I can’t stay here any longer, screw the wine, let’s go downstairs. By the way, your phone keeps flashing up.”

“So does yours. I didn’t want to ruin the mood,” Dazai chuckled. “Oh, fuck, Chuuya is pissed because we left, probably thinks we killed each other. Oh, your boyfriend is texting me too.”

“Gogol?” Fyodor asked. “Does he say anything interesting aside from asking where are we?”

“He’s asking about your mood because he wants to ask you out again tonight,” Dazai replied. “What should I tell him? Oh, now that we’re friends, you’re going to tell me what are you planning to do with him?”

“There’s no plan. Well, there used to be one but I got even worse feelings from it so I dropped it and now I’m just doing what I want. Tell him to go for it. Tonight I might say yes.”

“Wow, I feel like we’re besties already,” Dazai chippered joyously.

Akutagawa dropped the handle and quietly took a step back. With a smug playing at his lips, he walked down the stairs knowing, that things are going to be just fine.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was the sole barista in the café for just half an hour every Tuesday. Literally, half an hour. The thirty minutes, the other barista was taking his well-deserved break and usually spent it eating their lunch in the back. That was it.

And of course, no matter what, no matter how much he or his coworker switched the time of their breaks, every single time Chuuya’s nemesis would come to the café just a few minutes after he was left alone behind the counter. Just as if he had cameras or spies around or it could be just his sixth sense because sometimes Chuuya doubted he was a normal human being.

And what was worse, a few weeks before, after their many friends tried to get them to talk to each other and even Akutagawa decided to facilitate, they established that they would, indeed, be talking to one another.

And now, Dazai was using this to get on his nerves because if Chuuya threw him out, he would never hear the end of it from their common friends. Maybe only Fyodor would be proud of him. But Chuuya wasn’t sure if he wanted to encourage Fyodor’s hate in this way.

This early spring afternoon was no different than other Tuesday afternoons, seemingly. Dazai entered the café as soon as Chuuya’s coworker disappeared in the back.

“Chuuya-kun! How is your day?”

“It just got worse. Why do you keep torturing me with your presence?”

“I just survived a really boring lecture and I desperately need some caffeine before my practice. I must say your attire today is slightly less ugly than it was last week,” Dazai winked. “Trying to look pretty for me?”

“Why ever would I try to look pretty for my annoying ex?” Chuuya sighed with a frown. “What weird thing do you want to drink today?”

“And which of the drinks will take the longest to make so you’ll be forced to interact with me?”

“Just kindly disappear from my life,” Chuuya tried to sound exasperated but it didn’t come out quite convincing. Dazai, with his annoyingly high perception skills, of course, had picked up on this. Chuuya could swear he noticed a glimpse of relief and happiness on Dazai’s face. Just as if he read between the lines, noticing that Chuuya actually didn’t hate his presence and he wasn’t crossing the line by coming to the café. Well, undoubtedly Dazai was crossing many lines all the time but it was something they worked out a long time ago and what was important here was that maybe he was crossing lines of human decency by coming to see his ex so often but at the same time he didn’t cross Chuuya’s real boundaries an this was what really mattered.

They knew each other too well. Way too well. At times Chuuya wondered if he ever would get this close to anyone else and he found himself doubting.

“Will you make me the gingerbread Christmas special?” Dazai’s eyes sparkled like the eyes of a kid who thought of a perfect birthday present.

“It’s April,” Chuuya stated, knowing it was a weak argument against someone like the man in front of him. Especially, against those begging eyes.

“But your Christmas Special is so good, Chuuya. I wake up at night thinking about it.”

“If you are trying to be flirty, you are really obnoxious. That’s 700 yen and throw something into the tip jar or I’m not making it,” Chuuya knew he would risk his dignity and sanity if he kept opposing Dazai’s ridiculous drink request so he decided to preserve it and started to look for gingerbread syrup on the lower shelves.

“Thank you,  that’s quite ladylike customer service,” Dazai put the coins on the counter with a smirk. “But I never expected less from a proper lady like yourself.”

Chuuya decided to ignore their ancient ‘lady’ inside joke Dazai brought up and focused on gathering the ingredients. He knew he was being watched no movement would go unnoticed by his customer. To tell the truth, it made him uncomfortable for numerous reasons.

“Hey, Chuuya,” Dazai’s tone changed it was now quieter and more serious. “Also, I came here today because I have an offer for you. But don’t turn it down immediately, think it through. Promise me you do.”

“That depends, like If it’s about...”

“It’s not about me asking you to get back together,” Dazai looked to the side for a second, clearly uncomfortable. It lasted just a barely noticeable moment, then he was back to his confident self, looking Chuuya right in the eyes.  “First let me say what’s in it for you. A trip to France for ten days, an opportunity to see your dad, all costs would be covered.”

“By you?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow. “Awfully generous I must say. Even for your mischievous scheme.”

“Not really, most of it certainly is not,” Dazai shrugged. “Although I can buy you a diner if you want.”

“What’s the deal?” Chuuya brought him back to the subject. “Because this sounds way too good.”

Dazai sighed.

“So. You heard that Odasaku got engaged?”

“He was dating someone?” Chuuya was rather surprised.

“They got together sometime after we broke up, I must admit, I didn’t expect it to happen and I was even less expecting it to last but here they are, getting married in less than two months,” Dazai shrugged again, showing off how little empathy and understanding of the other people relationships he actually had. “Oda’s boyfriend is this rich French guy, they plan on legally getting married there and some kind of folly thought pushed Odasaku into asking me to be his best man. Come as my plus one. I need you. Because, well...” Dazai actually stuttered and dropped his eyes, “...you get it.”

Chuuya got it. He was actually one of the few people who did know. Dazai seemed always to feel great at the parties, even the ones with a room filled with strangers. He laughed, drank, told jokes, he was loved and adored by everyone around as the soul of the party. But Chuuya knew Dazai wasn’t comfortable at all, he was just that good at pretending. He was sure the idea of spending a few days with people terrified him and would be a test of his sanity that Odasaku did not need at the wedding.

“What about Ango? Isn’t he like the third of your trio?”

“Work. He’s barely able to fly over for the weekend to attend the wedding.”

Chuuya groaned.

“No one we know?”

“Odasaku’s foster dad? Oh, your dad will be at the wedding too, he knows Oda’s fiancé. But I have a feeling he would rather gut me than be of any support.”

Chuuya quietly worked on the coffee, deep in thought. It wasn’t a shady deal. It was a good deal. Not only would he get a trip, and meet his dad but he would possibly save Oda’s wedding. Because if he didn’t go, most probably Dazai would run away instead of the lacking bride. Or at least he would make this terrible, unnatural fake smile that would ruin all the wedding photos.

Dazai didn’t interrupt. He just quietly watched him.

Finally, Chuuya passed him the coffee in a huge mug.

“I’m not saying I’m in but if I am what do we do about the suits and gifts saying we go?”

“Oh, that’s what I’m actually paying for. I already have a gift for them, we can just say it’s from both of us. And you will just love the theme of the wedding.”

“What is it?” Chuuya was rather suspicious.

“Belle epoque! You can wear one of your ugly hats and no one will find you weird this time!”

“I hate you.”

“Nah, you love me and I love you,” Dazai reciprocated with a smirk just like he would have done over a year ago when they were still together but his expression changed immediately and he paled upon realization of what he had just said. “Sorry, I slipped, it’s just...”

“I know,” Chuuya looked away, not able to say anything else, feeling terribly awkward. “It’s hard to get rid of habits.”

“I guess it really is.”

Silence fell heavy upon them. Chuuya hoped Dazai would just take his mug and sit somewhere far away but of course, that wouldn’t happen.

“So... text me the date of the wedding and details,” Chuuya said finally.

“Oh my, does it mean you are finally unblocking me?” Dazai faked a truly beautiful gasp. If they weren’t this close, it would be easy to think that Dazai was back to his usual arrogant self but Chuuya was picking up a little panic in his voice. It made him feel nervous too.

“What?”   

“You still have my cell, LINE, Instagram, and even Facebook blocked, idiot. Oh, and discord too. And Whats App. Literally every single means of contacting you. I’m pretty sure even my email would end up in your spam.”

It was actually true.

“Yeah, sorry. I was pretty mad at you.”

“You had to be pretty mad since you ended a relationship we’ve been in since we were fifteen. And promptly after you ran away for your semester abroad literally on the other side of the planet. I still don’t know how you managed to pull that off so quickly, usually, applications take months.”

“Shut up, I don’t actually need you to orchestrate my life, I manage to do things on my own. And you know you deserved the way I left.”

“I did,” Dazai admitted, to Chuuya’s surprise, preventing them from engaging into yet another fight. “Anyway, unblock me and I’ll text you about the wedding.”

“Chuuya, your ex is getting married and he invited you?” Tachihara popped his head out from the kitchen just to ask this question.

“Hello, Tachihara-kun! How is dating Gin for you?” Dazai performed his beautiful charming smile and caused Chuuya to groan with distaste.

“It’s our common friend’s wedding,” Chuuya added. “Eat your sandwich, Tachihara. I don’t need saving.”

“Really? Cuz Gin’s roommate told me to salt his tea if needed.”

Dazai cringed at the mention of Gin and Akutagawa’s roommate, Fyodor. He clutched his hands around the mug, cautious of the surroundings. Like Fyodor would be able to salt or poison his coffee right now.

Chuuya let out a tired sigh. He was happy he didn’t need to deal with Fyodor and Dazai’s childish hatred towards each other on daily basis. It was one of the advantages of breaking up with Dazai. Surprisingly, even though quite numerous improvements in his life since he got out of this relationship, he still found himself missing it. He supposed it was always like that with first love.

“I don’t need anything, Tachihara. I’m good. Eat your lunch.”

“Fiiiine,” Tachihara didn’t sound convinced but then again, Chuuya doubted he cared enough to stay. He soon disappeared again in the kitchen.

And they were back to the awkward silence.

“I’ll go sit down and read a bit,” Dazai attempted to escape.

“What are you reading now?” Chuuya slipped before he could think.  

Dazai smirked, feeling a lot more confident and comfortable with the new subject. He placed his elbows on the counter and sipped the coffee gleefully.

“It’s a great book. And you won’t believe It, the protagonist is just a thirteen-year-old normal girl but still, she’s taller than you. I guess that’s not surprising at all.”

Chuuya regretted that he’d asked but only for a minute. Dazai kept on talking about the book and it actually did seem interesting.

***

“It is obviously a trap,” was the first thing that came out of Fyodor’s mouth as soon as he’d heard about the wedding. “A disgusting, pathetic trap.”

After work, Tachihara wanted to visit his girlfriend and Chuuya tagged alone, mostly to hear Fyodor’s opinion about Dazai’s plan. But he should have guessed that there was no way Fyodor would say something good about Dazai, even if Chuuya made him his favorite tea beforehand.

“I could plan a less expensive trap,” Gogol, Fyodor’s friend, threw in.

“Me too,” Gin agreed.

“But with this style?” Tachihara accused them.

“We established that it is not a good trap,” Fyodor insisted.

“No, look. I get it, it may seem pathetic but it could turn out to be a pretty stylish trap,” Tachihara argued with a serious face.

It was at this moment Chuuya knew. The people who had gathered on the living room carpet to drink his tea were not going to actually help him. Still, he didn’t want to lose hope.

“Come on, guys. It’s not a trap, Dazai really just doesn’t want to be lonely during the wedding. And my dad will be there, ready to kill him if he does anything stupid.”

“I respect your dad so much,” Gogol said with a dreamy smile. “Like, I can actually picture the guy sending Dazai to hospital for a small reason. Or threatening him casually with a gun during the ceremony.”

“As much as I want to see the pictures of Mr. Rimbaud actually killing Dazai,” Fyodor kept on pushing. “It’s a trap. And you shouldn’t go. Dazai knows how to exploit your kind heart and there he is, doing it again.”

“That totally sounds like Dazai,” Gin nodded.

“I don’t really know the guy but,” Tachihara passed a hand through his hair, “but from what I got he’s this annoying ex who keeps showing up and you keep complaining about? Seems weird that you want to even consider going with him somewhere.”

“Especially, a shady wedding where you two will be forced to interact at, very far away from home,” Fyodor reminded him. “And he hates on hats, Chuuya. Which means that he’s a lost cause. He's not even human if he hates on hats.”

“Hating hats as stylish as you two have,” Gogol nodded, “is a crime that needs punishment. Like prison or something. Or I could curse him. Do you want me to curse him?”

“Don’t curse anyone, Nicolai, we’re not in Ukraine,” Fyodor patted him on the shoulder.

“You are so racist,” Gogol rolled his eyes. “And I wanted to perform a shamanism from Syberia. And Ukraine is a great, civil country.”

“Whatever you say.”

Chuuya felt that he was in a completely lost position. He was pretty sure he was going to come with Dazai before coming here. But suddenly everybody around him was convinced that it was a bad idea. They seemed not to even take into consideration that he actually could go.

“Anyway, you’re not Dazai’s boyfriend or anything so not only there is no reason for you to go, you definitely shouldn’t go. Unless you want to get back together with him but it would be just stupid. But not as stupid as actually wanting to get back together with him, right, Chuuya?” Fyodor insisted with malice that has taken Chuuya aback.

Fyodor was always gentle and kind, unless they talked about Dazai. Chuuya was still not used to it since he didn’t really know this side of Fyodor.

To his surprise, Gin agreed with her roommate.

“Going there is literally like saying you want to get back together.”

“It is not,” Chuuya protested. “Really. We just know each other pretty well. We can go as friends.”

Tachihara actually laughed. But stopped immediately when he heard the key unlock the apartment door. He straightened up, took his hand off Gin’s waist and gazed at the slowly opening door in panic. Chuuya also turned to see what terrified Tachihara so much but he wasn’t surprised to see it was only Akutagawa, dressed all in black as usual.

“I thought I heard some ugly noise in the corridor, of course, it was Trash.”

“Hi,” Tachihara paled immediately. “I just... I just finished work and thought I would drop by and say hello to Gin...” Tachihara stuttered so badly Gin nudged him between the ribs with her elbows.

“I do hope you will remember that she has classes tomorrow and you need to be gone so she can get a proper rest?” Akutagawa’s cold glare made not only Tachihara shiver but Chuuya felt the chills too.

“Of course.”

“Good.”

Akutagawa took off his shoes and entered the living room.

“Hi, Chuuya-senpai. Nice little tea party you have here on my carpet,” Akutagawa mentioned, still standing above them, in all his dreadful glory. “Gogol. Didn’t break anything today I hope.”

“Not a thing, Vampire Tofu-chan!” Gogol swore with a hand over his heart.

“It’s not a tea party,” Chuuya explained. “I just needed some advice.”

“It’s an intervention!” Gogol yelled and made a rush movement that almost caused tea to spill.

“We are simply stopping Chuuya from making the mistake of falling into a trap,” Fyodor smiled charmingly. “A terrible, well-planned trap. But at the same time unstylish and pathetic trap.”

“Is it about Dazai?” Akutagawa deduced quickly. “Chuuya, the kitchen. They are just a bunch of haters, you shouldn’t listen to them.”

“Come on, Vege-chan! Don’t take Chuuya away from us!” Gogol panicked. “He is the reason we are having the tea party!”

“Yeah, get a cup and drink some tea with us, nii-san,” Gin encouraged him.

“It’s organic,” Tachihara added shyly.

Akutagawa ignored them all and marched out of the room. Fyodor just sighed quite loudly and poured himself more tea. Chuuya shrugged apologetically and followed Akutagawa to the kitchen.  

There, Akutagawa had already set to work on his vegetarian dinner. He was chopping vegetables on the board quite skillfully.

A thought that Akutagawa should be the first person to go to in the current situation had crossed Chuuya’s mind. Akutagawa knew Dazai the longest of all their friends, after all, and even though he was a little bit weird and awkward, he meant well. Always. Chuuya knew he could trust him.  

“Close the door. What did Dazai do this time?” Akutagawa asked.

Chuuya obeyed quietly and looked over Akutagawa’s shoulder.

“Do you need some help?”

“No. Do you want some? I’m making vegan teriyaki.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind. I don’t think I ever had completely vegan teriyaki.”

“At least you won’t be eating meat for dinner this way. So what did Dazai do?”

“Our friend is getting married to some French guy. Dazai asked me to be his plus one at the wedding so he wouldn’t get lonely. I’m getting a free trip to France for that,” he underlined.

“Doesn’t sound that bad.”

“I know! But they kept saying it is a trap!” Chuuya finally showed how much he was outraged by this idea. “It’s not a trap!”

“It’s not a trap,” Akutagawa nodded.

“I’m saying it... wait, you agree with me?” Chuuya blinked.

“But that doesn’t mean Dazai doesn’t have an ulterior motive here,” Akutagawa stated. “He does miss you. He does want to get back together with you. But also he knows that you hate being manipulated by him so it’s not a trap. The worst thing that can happen is that he will try to seduce you openly,” Akutagawa shrugged like it was nothing. “And you can handle that. In whatever way you choose.”

Chuuya’s eyes dropped to the floor. Every sentence weighed a lot and was a new truth he was forced to face. Because he knew Akutagawa was probably right. But at the same time, the confidence in his voice… it made Chuuya convinced that Akutagawa knew it because he heard something from Dazai himself.

“How do you know these things?” he asked quietly. He suspected Dazai cared about him still and wanted to get back together but it was different hearing it from Dazai who always was ambiguous and it was hard to tell when he was serious and when he was not, and hearing it from Akutagawa who was one of the most serious people Chuuya knew.

“What? That he still cares a lot about you? It’s not much of a secret. Fyodor knows too, by the way. A lot of people know. Yes, it is probably part of Dazai’s plan to get back together with you.”

“I didn’t know,” Chuuya covered his face with palms trying to hide embarrassment.

“But don’t worry, Dazai knows there is little chance you’ll take him back right now. So you’re safe. But still, if you don’t want to spend time in awkward situations with Dazai you shouldn’t go. I wouldn’t go. But I don’t really like weddings.”

“Right. But there is no way we would go back together,” Chuuya took a deep breath, trying to analyze everything. “God, I hate him so much...”

“Then why do you want to go on a trip with him? I don’t get why people act so illogically,” Akutagawa sighed. “Just do what you want, Chuuya.”

Chuuya bit his lip. Why was it so hard to decide what exactly he wanted?

***

It was actually Gogol who made Chuuya go with Dazai to France. Chuuya had to leave after dinner because he still needed to study for the seminar he had the following day. Just before he decided he should put on his shoes, Gogol got thrown out by Akutagawa when he mentioned that he would like to smoke a cigarette, so they ended up leaving together.

And this way, smoking Gogol walked with Chuuya to the station.

“So don’t tell Fyodor I said that because he invoked bratva and druzya upon all the subjects around Dazai and we kind of promised to agree with him but I must say. A free trip to a foreign country across the world. New clothes that your ex has to pay for. A way to see your dad threaten your ex. A wedding cake. That all seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

“Yeah, but I have to put up with him for a week.”

“You can ditch him from time to time, you’ll survive,” Gogol patted Chuuya on the shoulder. “No one tells you to get back together with him or anything! Go on the trip! See a crisis at the wedding! It’s going to be fun! I can send you a list of pranks you can pull on that Dazai guy to make it even more fun,” Gogol winked.  

Actually, it didn’t sound that bad at all.

“But… what if the others are right? And it’s a trap?”

“So what?” Gogol asked. “The word is full of traps. Also, that’s Fyodor’s talking. I mean, you actually were together with the hat thief for what? Four years? And you two are talking right? You’ll be okay. The worst thing that can happen is your dad actually kills him or you become friends. Both seem pretty okay. And you get the wedding cake!”

“You’re right,” Chuuya sighed.

“Of course I am.”

***

After coming home and taking a long shower to think it through properly, Chuuya made a pros and cons list. The awkwardness of keeping Dazai company didn’t look so bad compared to the opportunity of seeing his dad and a week in France. He literally had no idea when he would be able to do either with the little money he earned at his part-time job.

And there was the fact that Dazai would have to buy him clothes a la belle epoque and a matching hat which would be incredibly satisfying.

Also, he kind of wanted to be at Odasaku’s wedding. Of all Dazai’s friends, he liked him the best, safe from Akutagawa but being gay, awkward, cruel, cold, Japanese vegan that he was Akutagawa wasn’t getting married anytime soon.

Chuuya made up his mind and pulled out his phone to unblock Dazai on LINE and call him. When he opened the chat he got hit with the last messages he had sent to Dazai, a year ago. He actually remembered that he did break up with Dazai via text. But those were special circumstances. They had a fight, then he needed Dazai and the bastard chose this moment to disappear for a few days. After a dozen of messages without a response, asking him to come back and finally, Chuuya announced that he was sick of this and that he was moving out for good.

Funnily enough, Chuuya had spent the next few weeks on Akutagawa’s couch, making friends with Fyodor who had just moved in. And they actually did become friends over hating on Dazai together.   

He scrolled up the chat to see more casual messages. About the movies they were going to watch, what should they buy for dinner and so on. He remembered that Dazai overused harts and emojis when he was in a good mood.

Chuuya sighed heavily and clicked the ‘unblock’ button. Nothing happened. There were no new messages. Did Dazai seriously send him nothing after the last text? Or maybe that’s how blocking worked, he actually had no idea.

Hesitantly, he called Dazai.

“Hi,” Dazai picked up immediately. “I’m drinking a truly terrible coffee right now, can you come over and make me a better one?”

“You have no shame,” Chuuya gritted his teeth but had to admit that Dazai’s casual tone was a relief. “And don’t drink coffee this late, you won’t be able to sleep.”

“I won’t be able to sleep either way, the academy had free rooms for practice open only in the middle of the night, and unfortunately now, because a charming redhead ratted me out I have to actually study.”

Dazai had spent the few first months of the university pretending to be studying law but actually going to whatever lecture he felt like. And it was kind of Chuuya’s fault that Dazai’s family found out and forced him to either actually study law or enroll in the Music Academy and work on his cello skills. Displeased, Dazai chose the latter.

“I’m sorry about that,” Chuuya muttered.

“It was a long time ago. I got used to it. Although, if I knew Fyodor was here, I would have probably chosen the law instead.”

“By the way, sorry to ask but didn’t you seriously not send me messages after I blocked you?” Chuuya could hear his voice tremble a bit.

“Of course, I did, although I would rather not show them to you now they are pretty pathetic. Also, you were probably never blocked by someone so you have no idea how LINE works when that happens. At first, I had no idea you blocked me. I just thought you were ignoring my messages. I used to send quite a lot of them until Fyodor and Akutagawa kindly enlightened me. And told me you were serious when you said you’re breaking up with me.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t overthink it Chuuya. I know that you didn’t mean it to turn out this way. So let’s move on. You wanted to talk about the wedding, right?”

“Right. It’s ten days, right?”

“Yes. It’s actually happening near Rouen since the family has an old manor there but...”

“A belle epoque wedding in an old manor,” Chuuya repeated.

“Yeah. It used to be a castle or something, I think. But they said we can borrow a car and drive up to Rouen or even Paris, it’s not that far. We can take a day off. Also, I checked and the house of Monet with that famous garden you checked out on Internet isn’t too far.”

Chuuya was not that surprised that Dazai remembered something from their conversation two years ago or so. But he wasn’t sure how it made him feel.

“I lived in Paris so we can stick to Rouen and Giverny. I never really went there.”

“That’s cool too. So, does it mean I can tell Odasaku that we’re going?”

Chuuya hesitated for a second, remembering that it was probably a trap. Still, he really wanted a free vacation. Screw Fyodor and the rest, he wanted a trip.

“I guess so. But don’t think I don’t know that it might be your trap.”

“Do you really think that I would find an obnoxious French man to for Odasaku to fall in love with and marry, especially insisted that they do it abroad without any of our other friends so I’m stuck alone and have an excuse to ask you to come with me? Please, Chuuya. It’s a lucky coincidence.”

“Still, it’s shady that I’m your first choice. I’m your ex, Dazai.”

“You like France I thought you would like it. And you are way better at social situations than for example Akutagawa.”

That was actually true.

“So it’s not a trap.”

“Of course not.”

After years spent with Dazai, Chuuya was still suspicious. It could be a manipulation and it was indeed a trap but at least now he couldn’t find a reason for it to be one.

“Fine. I’m going,” he finally said.

“Great,” Dazai sounded relieved and somewhat happy.

This voice made Chuuya sure that no matter what would come out of this whole ordeal, he made the right choice.

***

The following month and a half had been spent on preparation. Dazai had ordered custom-made three-piece suits from a tailor the occasion, for once not trying to look good. And he did look good, Chuuya was forced to unwillingly admit.

Dazai seemed to also be strangely serious about the wedding. Like he really wanted it to happen and go well. It wasn’t that surprising, since he was Odasaku’s friend but still, Chuuya didn’t really remember Dazai being serious about the good things. It was usually when he was plotting something evil.

During this month, Chuuya didn’t meet Odasaku’s fiancé but he found out certain things about the man. His name was André, he was a decade older than he and Dazai were, making it eight years age difference with Odasaku. He was rich, he had a job. And seemed to be quite a persona, judging by how often an amused smile would pop up on Dazai’s face whenever André was mentioned.

 Before Chuuya left, Fyodor demanded daily calls to make sure Dazai didn’t cross the line. Chuuya thought he was panicking be he did agree just to calm Fyodor down.

It took 17 hours to travel to France. Chuuya’s power bank got thrown out by Beijing security for reason he could not understand because their English was worse than Tachihara’s. Dazai was sleepy, he looked like he could fall over any second. Odasaku looked grim and pale. Chuuya preferred not to search for any mirror.

They collected their luggage and stopped at the free bench in the main hall, waiting for Odasaku’s husband-to-be who came a few days early and was supposed to pick them up. The second groom disappeared to the bathroom to freshen up a bit, Chuuya sat down and Dazai pretty much collapsed onto the bench. Soon, his head dropped to Chuuya’s arm and since it didn’t bother him that much, Chuuya decided to let it be.

That was until he saw someone who made him jump up. It was a miracle Dazai didn’t wake up this instant but maybe he was just pretending to be asleep.

“Hello, Nakahara-kun,” Professor Gide who taught him French literature, renowned author, someone who Chuuya thought was simply brilliant spoke up.

Chuuya blinked. Professor was dressed casually but still elegantly in a shirt adorned with ornaments, a matching jacket thrown over his shoulder, fitting pants, and espadrilles. Chuuya wondered how old he really was because while he taught he seemed closer to his forties but now he seemed to be less than thirty. He even once checked Gide’s Wikipedia page to know his age but there was nothing helpful there, no dates at all except for the dates his books were published. This man was really an enigma and he always confused the hell out of Chuuya.

“H-hello, professor,” he tried to get up and show his respect but Gide waved his hand stopping him.

“No need to get up, let the other one sleep. So that’s really your boyfriend, fascinating...”

“He is not...” Chuuya protested but Gede interrupted him.

“I know, I know, it’s complicated, Odasaku did say something about it being a beautiful mess. Perfect for the wedding, it’s already going to be so chaotic, more fire will make it more exciting.”

“Wait, you know Odasaku? And you’re coming to the wedding?”

“What me?” Odasaku suddenly appeared by Gide’s side. “You’re late,” he punched the older man in the ribs without putting much strength. Gide seemed unshaken by this brutality and smiled softly.

“Just wanted to give you a little bit of time to get all pretty and brush your teeth. And I must say, you never disappoint, you always look better than I remembered you Sakunosuke. I missed you.”

“Hate to say this but I missed you too, old man,” Oda confessed and out of the blue kissed Chuuya’s literature professor.

 Chuuya stared at them with horror. Dazai on his shoulder woke up and smiled.

“I’m so glad I didn’t miss this face. Shocked Chuuya is so funny.”

Chuuya was still trying to process what was going on. He barely noticed Dazai, focusing solely on the dreadful scene before him. The kiss seemed to last an eternity. Finally, Odasaku and Gide parted.

It was only then that Odasaku noticed the state that Chuuya was in.

“Oh my God. Dazai, you didn’t tell him?” he let out an outraged yell.

“I dropped a lot of very obvious hints I thought he would figure it out,” Dazai shrugged innocently.

“That is brilliant,” Gide laughed wholeheartedly. “Calm down, mon amour, that’s not something that you should be stressing out about right before your wedding.”

“But...” Odasaku seemed ready to scream.

Gide pulled him in a bear hug and captured his mouth in another kiss that lasted just a moment, compared to the previous one. Before getting away, Gide whispered something into Odasaku’s ear, something that actually made Odasaku blush. Chuuya didn’t really remember Odasaku blushing at any time.

“So, Nakahara-kun, since your kind-of-not-boyfriend is my groom’s best man, we are almost family and therefore we should get on a first-name basis.”

One of Gide’s hands was on Odasaku’s back. It was still hard to accept.

“B-but you are a professor and...”

“Oh, I don’t really care that I’m teaching you, Chuuya-kun, it’s a university, not a primary school, we’re both adults. But whatever. Are you guys hungry? We can stop to eat something on the way.”

Odasaku’s head dropped to Gide’s shoulder.

“No food. I’m dying here.”

“My poor little thing, that’s not the way you should go meet my mother in real life for the first time, you need energy to face that horror. Wanna run away together? I’ve heard Côte d’Azur is nice this time of year.”

“I’m telling your family you literally suggested running away across the country,” Odasaku promised him in a tired voice. “Dazai, get up, let’s go.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’, Sakunosuke” Gide winked and Chuuya wished he could erase it from his memory. “But you’re right, let’s go, brats.”

They promptly got their luggage together, and followed André to the parking. As they walked, André and Odasaku took the lead, leaving Chuuya and Dazai a little bit behind. That allowed Chuuya to talk in private.

“I will murder you, Dazai. Your suffering will be long and painful. You literally dragged me across the world to my professor’s wedding!”

“But I couldn’t tell you, Chuuya! You would never come if I told you! I left hints! Tons of them! You could have figured it out!”

“Your hints suck.”

“It’s not my fault my little Chuuya is a bit oblivious from time to time,” Dazai shrugged.

Chuuya thought that maybe should have listened to Fyodor and stayed at home.

(No, actually, he was kind of happy he was here. And excited. Why?)

“I might be little but I am sure I am anything but yours,” he shot Dazai down quickly. “You’re an asshole, Dazai,” he added.

“This shouldn’t surprise you anymore,” Dazai sighed. “But I’m right that you wouldn’t be here if I told you?”

“Of course I wouldn’t! I’m your plus one at my professor’s wedding!” he lied.

“Then I don’t really regret telling you since I prefer to have you with me. You’ll look back at this trip one day and thank me Chuuya! A free trip is a free trip,” Dazai winked. “And come on it will be so funny! I heard there will be like three or four André’s exes at this wedding, I expect so much drama!”

“Of course, you came here for the drama,” Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“I came to see my best friend get married,” Dazai corrected. “And I’m happy I managed to come here with you. Because you are one of the most important people in my life, Chuuya. Always. Whatever is between us. Whatever will be and won’t be. Unconditionally.”

Chuuya stopped walking and hid his face in his palms. His feelings were a mess, sure, he was still fuming with anger but there was also a tinge something different. Familiarity of bickering with Dazai. How he actually liked it. And how he missed it. How it made him happy. It devastating realization, really. That he wanted to be at Oda’s wedding, on vacation with Dazai again, talking with Dazai again, even if it had to be at a wedding with André Gide as the groom. Maybe even there was a part of him that wanted there to be something between the two of them as well. And oddly large part, considering everything that happened between them.

Suddenly, he was sure that the moment he unblocked Dazai on LINE, he missed his only chance to get away from this man he would have in this life. And now, he pushed the first domino block and now, slowly, he and Dazai would be circling back toward each other and there was no escaping it. Dazai would make sure there would not be.

Chuuya would never say it out loud but it didn’t sound so bad. He never missed anyone in his life like he missed Dazai, no matter how liberating it felt to get rid of him when he did.

“Not yet,” he mumbled only, pulling his hands away from his face.

Dazai nodded.

“Okay,” he agreed. “But… just know that if it ever happens, it will be different. I will make an effort. A real effort.”

Chuuya’s heart was beating loudly. For some reason, he believed Dazai. He had absolutely no idea how he always ended up trusting this man, no matter what the logic was screaming at him.

But then again, it didn’t really surprise him, he always was the type to trust his heart more than his brain.

“Let’s go get Odasaku married first, Dazai,” he said, picking up his pace to catch up with Oda and Gide.