Chapter Text
“Please… Please pick up…”
“… Hello, who’s this?”
“Thank God you picked up, Dela. It’s Bianca.”
“Bianca, hi!” Her friend said in the other line. “Merry Christmas!”
“It’s not that Merry anymore, do you still have that spare room you were renting?”
“I do, why do you ask, Bea?”
“It’s a long story.”
“We have time.”
“But it’s Christmas, you and your dad must be celebrating, aren’t you?”
“After a few drinks my dad fell asleep and Gus already went home, we have all the time of the world, tell me what happened.”
“Ok, I'll tell you.”
December 26th, 1993
Bianca took her blankets and her pillow into a plastic bag and placed it next to her door, she looked at the framed pictures on her walls and started to put them on her bed, she heard her door open and saw her brother enter with more boxes.
“Thank you, Tony.” Bianca took the boxes from her brother and started putting her clothes on them, she folded every single piece of clothing and was placing them in the box by color.
“Bianca, are you ok?”
“I’m good, Tony.” She told her brother. “I’m amazing, I’m perfect, I’m fucking great.” Bianca threw her red dress on the box and opened another one. “I just have to do this quick before mom comes back, she wants me out before dinner.”
Her brother didn’t say a word, instead he took a box and put her fabric and all the sewing items she had, he also put her sewing machine on it.
“Thanks, man.”
“Don’t thank me.”
“Where are the kids?”
“At grandma’s, mom doesn’t want them to see you leaving.”
“Nice from her.”
While her brother took the first boxes to his truck Bianca continued putting her belongings in boxes, she was not going to admit this to anyone but she was on the verge of tears. Every item that went into a box felt like a stab to her heart.
She was really going to miss this house, she had lived there for 18 years, she had lived happy and sad moments, fun moments, angry moments but she wouldn’t change it for anything. This is her home.
No.
This used to be her home.
She opened one last box and started putting the things from her bookcase in it.
This was the hardest part, every single thing of this bookcase had a memory with it.
“This teddy bear…”
“Papa, look!” She was younger, she remembered. “Do you think you can win it for me? Pleaseee?”
“I think I can.” Her dad put a coin in the prizes machine and started moving the claw. “Tony, Bea, look at this. If you swing the claw to right and left a lot of times it’s easier to get the teddy bear Bea wants.”
“It will fall.” Her sister had said.
“That’s the point, Lucy.” When he caught the bear and the claw wobbled to the left it made the bear fall in the right place. “Told you!”
“You got it!” David screamed.
“Here you have, Bea.” Bianca took the teddy bear from her dad’s hands and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Thank you, papa.”
“You’re welcome, mi niña.” He kissed her forehead and went back to the machine. “Now let’s get one for all of you. Which one do you want, Tony?”
They left that fair with multiple stuffed animals and big smiles that day.
But those times were over.
She was almost done when she heard her door open and saw her parents standing in there.
“I-“ The box and a framed picture she had on her hands fell, the frame shattered and the floor was full of broken glass. She immediately kneeled and took the broken pieces. “Sorry! I’ll clean it ip before I leave.”
Her mom shook her head and left without saying a word.
“Let me give you a hand.” Her dad said, he put all the things that had fell from her box back on it.
“Sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, Bea.” He smiled at the teddy bear and put it on the box.
“It’s just… What if mom is right? I feel like I don-shit.”
“What?”
“I’m fine, I just cut my hand with the glass.”
“Leave that on the floor, I’ll clean it.” He got up and took her to the bathroom, Bianca sat on the toilet while her dad took out the first aid kit from her drawer. “Give me your hand.”
“I said I’m fine.”
“And I said give me your hand, Bianca.”
She did was she was told to do, her dad cleaned the cut and bandaged her hand.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you.” She saw her dad take all the things from the bathroom drawer and put them in a bag and then the box. “What are you doing?”
“You will need those.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” He took the photo from the frame that had been broken and sadly smiled to it. “I remember this day.”
“You do?” She sat next to him in the floor.
“Yes.” He ran his thumb across the picture. “You played Mrs…”
“Mrs. Pots.”
“Mrs. Pots.” He smiled. “You were so sad because you thought we were not going and then we showed up right before it started it.”
“It was a nice surprise.” She rested her head on her dad’s shoulder.
“Yes…” He gave her the photo, Bianca folded it and put it on her wallet.
They remained sat on the floor holding each other for a while, her dad never let go of her hand.
After a few more minutes he took out his wallet and handed her a card.
“I already transferred you all the money I had saved for college.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Don’t talk bullshit, that money was meant for you to use it.” He kissed her temple. “Where are you going to stay?”
“There is a girl from my class that told me her dad is renting a room in their house, I’m going to live with them.”
“I don’t think you’ll like that.”
“That’s the only thing I’m going to be able to afford, dad.”
“I know, I know. Sorry.”
Her dad got up and took the bookcase on his hands.
“Come on, take the box, we have to take your things to the truck.”
She followed her dad and put all the things in the back of the truck, while he went back inside to get her mattress she started to get lost on her thoughts.
“Bianca.”
She turned around and saw her mom standing in front of her, she looked tired and angry from last night, her eyes were emotionless.
“Mom.”
Her mom pointed at her wrist where she was wearing her ojo de venado.
“Give it to me.”
Bianca pressed her lips on a thin line but nodded, she undid the red ribbon and gave it back to her mother, she took it and walked back to the house.
Bianca couldn’t believe this was happening yet, she felt a knot on her throat and held back the tears, she was not going to give her mom the satisfaction of her crying.
Bianca sat on the truck and saw her dad placing her mattress on the front door as he saw his wife entering the house with her ojo de venado on her hand, he walked back in and closed the door.
She was grateful her dad was helping her to move but she couldn’t understand why he wasn’t doing anything for her to stay. She was only 18, you’re not supposed to leave your parents’ house when you’re this young, this was not right.
“Hey, are you ok?” Her brother’s voice took her off guard.
“Yes, I’m good.” She wiped her nose and helped him to get the mattress in the truck. “Where’s dad?”
“Inside fighting with mom, he told me to take you to your new house. Do you have the address?”
“I do.” She got down and entered the truck. “Why are you taking me? Wasn’t dad supposed to-“
“I already told you that he is fighting with mom, don’t ask more questions and tell me how to get there.” He turned on the engine.
“But dad…”
“Bianca, just tell me how to get there, please.”
Bianca gave him the paper where she had written Dela’s direction, her brother started driving and, as they drove away, Bianca gave one last glance to the placed that used be her home.
She wanted the tears to come but they didn’t.
And Bianca didn’t understand why.
----
“Is it here?”
“I think it is.”
“Haven’t you been here before?” Her brother asked her.
“Not really.” She said. “If we had homework or something we’d go to Raja’s.”
They parked outside of a white house; the garden was full of flowers and had a lot of ornaments, there was a guy sitting on the stairs, when he saw the park he got up and it seemed he was calling someone from inside, the house’s door opened and a chubby, black-haired girl waved to her.
“Hi, Bianca!”
“Hi, Dela.”
Dela ran to her and squeezed her in a tight and loving hug.
“I’m so sorry for what happened with your family.” She put the loosen hairs from Bianca’s ponytail behind her ear. “No parent has the right to do what they did.”
“I know.” Bianca’s voice was emotionless, she couldn’t really tell why and she didn’t want it come the way it did but Dela didn’t seem to care.
“Oh, Bea.” She enveloped her in another hug. “Everything is going to be ok.”
“Thank you.” She looked at her brother who seemed to be uncomfortable. “He is my brother, Tony.”
“Hi!” Without stopping holding Bianca’s hand Dela greeted him. “Delilah, Dela for shorter and Lila for my dad.”
“Nice to meet you, Dela.”
“Nice to meet you too, Tony.” Dela waved to the door and two guys joined them. “This is my dad, Ben and this is Gus, my boyfriend.”
“Hi.”
“Hello.” Dela’s dad looked at Bianca. “Lila just told me you’re moving with us today, right?”
“That’s right, sir.”
“Before we take you in and your stuff from the truck would you mind have a word with me?”
“I…” Dela smiled and nodded to her. ‘It’s gonna be ok.’ “Sure.”
Bianca followed Dela’s dad inside of the house, he told her to sit in the sofa and got her a cup of coffee.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Don’t thank me.” He took a sip from his cup and placed on the side table. “So, before you fully move with us I need to ask you some things, are you ok with that?”
“I am.”
“Ok.” He leaned on his armchair and looked straight to her. “First question and I have to ask it anyways, even though Lila already explained it to me I want to hear it from you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Why moving the very next day after Christmas?”
“Well… I revealed a secret to my family, something they don’t approve and my mom went crazy.” She said. “She lost her mind and told me she wanted me out by tomorrow, today and here I am.”
“What was this thing that you revealed to her?”
“…”
“Bianca, here we won’t judge, my wife wouldn’t forgive me for that.” He looked at the picture of a woman that was hanging on the wall. She looked exactly like Dela except for the hair, the woman had brown hair and Dela’s was black. “She always taught us to be loving and accepting and now that she is gone is not like it’s going to change.”
Bianca looked at the floor and took a long breath.
“I like girls, sir.”
“That’s all? Ok, next question.”
Bianca looked at her surprised, he didn’t even give her a disgust look or sound.
“What?”
“Sorry, it’s just that… I’m not used to people not minding this.”
“Being gay is not a bad thing, Bianca.” He said.
“But the Bible and the pastor say that it is.”
“I don’t want to offend you or your beliefs but the church don’t know what they are talking about. They’re just scared of what they don’t understand, don’t blame yourself for their ignorance.”
Bianca was shocked, she had never heard someone talk like this about her faith.
“I…”
“Let’s move to the next question and this is the most important question.” He rested his elbows on his knees and looked straight at her. “Do you like dogs?”
“What?”
“Do you like dogs?” He repeated.
“I do but my mom never let us have one.”
“That changes today.” He got up and after a few seconds he returned with a big dog that immediately jumped to her and licked her face. “Meet Marshmallow, Marsh for shorter.”
“He is cute.” Bianca laughed and petted its head. “Hello, baby!” Marsh rested his head on her lap and Bianca felt his kisses on her hand. “What a good boy!”
“Perfect, that’s all I wanted to know.” He walked to the door. “We’ll get your stuff to your new room.”
“Ok.”
“Delilah!”
“Yes, dad?” She immediately peeked her head through the door.
“Please show Bianca her room, me, Gus and…”
“Antwan but call him Tony.” Bianca told him.
“Antwan will bring her belongings.”
“Sure, dad!” She joined them and took Bianca’s hand. “You’ll love it.”
They climbed the stairs with Marsh behind them, Dela took a key from her pocket and opened a white door.
The room was big, it was bigger than her room at her parents’ house, it had a big closet with a mirror attached on the inside and a big window in the left wall from where she could see a church and a park.
“Marsh likes to go to that park, you can take him whenever you want.” Dela said.
“Really?”
“Yes, he loves it.”
When Tony placed the first boxes on the floor Dela immediately started helping Bianca to put everything in order, Bianca passed her the last item from the first box and went for the second.
“Wait.” Dela said and looked for something in one of the bottom drawers of the closet.
“What?”
“Sit on that chair.”
She sat as Dela told her to, Marsh rested his head on her lap again.
“What do you think of your new room?” Dela asked her.
“It’s cute.”
“It’ll look cuter once you make it your own.”
“What do you mean?”
“You can decorate it like you want.” She said. “You can hang pictures or your designs if you want, posters too or whatever you want, my dad won’t mind.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” Dela approached to her with a tissue and lotion. “You don’t know it but you have trails of make-up under your eyes and cheeks.”
“Fuck… I must look horrible.”
“I don’t want to say horrible, let’s just say that you don’t look particularly good.” She wiped the rest of Bianca’s make-up.
“I don’t feel good either, it matches.”
Dela sighed and throw the tissue to the trash can.
“You’ll feel better, you’ll see.”
“I want to believe that.”
“You will.” Dela wrapped her arms around her and Marsh rested his head on her lap. “My mom always said that after the storm the rainbow always comes.”
“My mom said that the gays profaned the rainbow.” She felt her eyes watering, Dela tight her embrace. “Why did I have to tell her, Dela? I made her angry, I embarrassed my whole family.”
“Nothing of this is your fault, you know?”
“It feels like it is.”
“But is not.” She smiled to her. “If she believes that… Sorry but she is been stupid.”
“She told me no one will ever love me.”
“She is wrong, she doesn’t even know how wrong she is.” Dela gave her a tissue. “All people have the love of her life somewhere and you won’t be the exception.”
“I want to believe you.”
“You will.”
----
“This is the last box.” Gus said. “You girls need anything else?”
“No, baby.” Dela told him. “I’ll help her to unbox the rest of her things and I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”
“Ok.” He gave her a peck. “See you, my love.”
“See you.”
“And see you, Bianca, it was nice to meet you.”
“Same.” She looked at her brother who helped her to put her bookcase in place. “Thanks, man.”
“…”
“…”
Dela seemed to understand that Tony wanted to talk alone with Bianca, she got up and walked to the door.
“I think I’ll make dinner, hope you like casseroles because I’m cooking a chicken casserole with a lot of carrots and cabbages.”
“Thank you, Dela.”
She left the two of them accompanied by Marsh.
“So this is goodbye, Bea.”
“It doesn’t have to be a goodbye.”
“No, it has to.”
“Tony…”
“It’s difficult for me…”
“Really?” Bianca didn’t meant to yell to her brother but she had had enough. “You act like this is too hard for you and that’s fucking stupid!
You are not the one who is being forced to leave!”
“Bea…”
“You are not the one who had to listened to mom all night try to pray the gay away from you!”
“Bea, please…”
“You are not the one who has to leave!”
“Bianca, stop being this fucking selfish! Not everything has to be about yourself!”
“Excuse me?”
“You act like you are the victim in this, you are the one who chose this path! You just wanted their attention!”
“Don’t talk about something you don't understand, Antwan! Being gay is not something you choose, you are born this way and what the fuck do you mean?”
“Everything has always to be about yourself, you don’t even know a shit about what is going on with the rest of us!” He yelled. “I just got a scholarship and a year in Cambridge but guess what, my sister being a fucking dyke is more important than having a Cambridge scholarship!”
“I didn’t mean to do it, Tony.”
“Bullshit.”
“But that doesn’t give you the right to call me that.”
“I’m going to call you the way I want!” He said. “But you know, you could have changed this if you wanted, if you started dating guys this would have changed. Maybe if you had some man in your bed you wouldn’t have turn out this way.”
This was it, this was why she hadn’t had told them before.
“You…” She punched him against the wall. “I told you to not talk about something you don’t understand, you don’t know a shit about this, you fucking piece of trash!”
“Don’t punch me, stupid dyke!”
Tony grabbed her arms and pushed her away, Bianca fell hard on the floor and hit her head on the corner of the bed. Marsh immediately jumped to Tony and made him fall as well, he was barking to him and wasn’t letting him go.
The door opened and both Dela and her dad were in the room.
“Marsh, stop!” Dela’s dad took the dog away from her brother and Dela helped her to get up.
“Bea, you’re bleeding.” Bianca touched where her head had hit the bed and found a blood stain on her fingers.
“Jesus…”
“Antwan.” He was talking to her brother. “Under no circumstances a man is allowed to hit a woman, no one is ever allowed to even put a finger on a woman.”
“She is my sister and she is an ungrateful brat!”
“Leave my house, Antwan.” He said. “Leave, now.”
“I leave when I want to leave, not when you tell me to.”
“Leave or I will call the police.” Dela said with the most emotionless voice Bianca had ever heard her talk. “I will send you to jail if you don’t leave our home now.”
Tony looked at her startrucked, he looked away and took his keys.
“I hope I won’t see you ever again.” He told Bianca.
“Finally we agree on something.” She said looking into his eyes.
He left the room followed by Dela’s dad and Bianca felt her heart break into a million pieces.
She was so tired of feeling this way, she wanted to feel numb, that's all she wanted.
“No one will hurt you again, Bea.” Dela said. “I promise.”
“You’re right.” She said with a cold voice. “No one will ever, I‘m not letting anyone in again.”