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Language:
English
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Secret Stash Of Treasure, The favored oneshots
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Published:
2019-04-13
Words:
916
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
140
Kudos:
9,751
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1,037
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50,931

University Blues

Summary:

Jon sighed and took a sip of his drink. He raised an eyebrow at the group as they stared in varying degrees of total shock.

“I went to university.” he said simply, “Never have I eve-“

“No no, hang on.” Tim cut him off, “You went on a drug bender in uni!?”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

“Never have I ever... been to a metal concert.” Martin said, and Jon and Basira took a drink. The power was out, and the group had collectedly decided to throw Elias’ feelings out the window and play a drinking game in the rec room with a bottle Tim had stashed in his drawer.

“Never have I ever... gotten blackout drunk.” Basira watched everyone in the room take a drink, “Martin, even you?”

“I’m not a complete prude.” he sniffed, flushing a little. Jon chuckled at that, not noticing the deepening of Martin’s blush.

“Still.” Jon mused, “Not something I’d have expected you to do.”

“I-I can have fun on occasion!”

“I’m not saying you can’t.” Jon gave him a wry smile, and Martin stammered until Daisy groaned.

“Guys.” she sighed, and the game continued, Martin snapping his mouth shut and picking up the bottle.

“Never have I ever...” Martin mused, “been on the telly.” Daisy huffed and took a shot.

“Police brutality case.” she grumbled, “Never have I ever catfished someone.” Tim was the only one who took a shot then, and he grumbled something about an ex before waving.

“Never have I ever gone on a drug bender.” he grinned, and the room fell abruptly silent as Jon sighed and took a sip of his drink. He raised an eyebrow at them as they stared in varying degrees of total shock.

“I went to university.” he said simply, “Never have I eve-“

“No no, hang on.” Tim cut him off, “You went on a drug bender in uni!?”

“It was an accident.” Jon said tersely, “Must you interrogate me about it?”

“Oooh, an accident? What happened?” Daisy was grinning too, “Come on, tell us.”

“No.”

“Jon, you have to .”

“I do not.”

“Please?” Basira asked.

“I’ll ask Georgie if you don’t tell us.” Tim threatened, and Jon glared at him.

“Fine.” he grumbled, “My friends and I were spending the spring break at some ski lodge, and my friend Daniel dared me to eat an entire sleeve of tums in exchange for money. I was drunk and stupid, so I agreed. As soon as I finished the sleeve, a rather frightened-looking man came into the room and very calmly asked where his tums were. When we told him, he went very pale. Apparently, he’d disguised his stash of methamphetamines as tums to sneak them into the lodge, and I had eaten the entire thing.”

“Holy shit .” Tim laughed as Daisy started wheezing and Basira shook with restrained laughter, “Holy fuck, what happened?”

“I... don’t exactly... remember.” Jon admitted stiffly, “Things got a little... fast. I remember only bits and pieces of the ensuing methed-up rampage before waking up in the hospital two weeks later.”

“Two whole weeks!?” Martin squeaked, his eyes wide. Tim broke down laughing and collapsed onto his back, cackling with glee.

“Please tell me there are pictures!” he exclaimed, “There has to  be.”

“There is exactly one.” Jon huffed, “When Daniel and Sammy are dragging me to the hospital. I look like hell, and my eyes are... well, I look like I’ve seen the face of God and it was my own.” That earned a whole new bout of hysterics from the group, even Martin covering his mouth to hide his giggles.

“What bits do you remember?” Martin asked as casually as he could, trying so hard to keep his voice steady. Jon gave him a withering look, but sighed, resigned to his humiliation.

“I remember thinking I was controlling a flock of ducks with my mind.” he sighed, “And that I was flying through space and time. And that I was witnessing an alien abduction on some poor cows, an event that I was very distressed about. Apparently, Daniel and the search party... found me naked in a tree, sobbing about land mines and ‘Crab Time’.” Tim got up and shakily left the room, likely for his own health. His howling laughter echoed down the hall as Daisy collapsed into Basira’s lap, gasping for air. Jon huffed, crossing his arms.

“Can we please finish the game now?” he grouched, “If you’re all just going to laugh about my embarrassing university escapades, I’m going to leave.”

“No, please don’t leave!” Martin exclaimed, stifling his own amusement as best he could, “We’re sorry!”

“Escapades?” Basira grinned, “Plural?”

“Don’t you dare.” Jon warned, but Basira reached for the bottle.

“Never have I ever,” she grinned, “Attacked a police officer.” Jon glared and made no move to drink, and she snorted, “Alright, not that then. Never have I ever-“

“You’re seriously going to try and guess my past misdeeds?” Jon asked, slumping back with exasperation as Tim came back in, winded and red-faced, but breathing normally again. He sat down and grinned at them, and Basira high-fived him.

“Never have I ever,” she continued, “committed arson.” Jon glared at her and took a shot, and Martin gasped out loud.

“No!”

“It was for a good cause.” Jon grumbled, and Tim grabbed the bottle from Basira, practically vibrating with wicked excitement.

“Never have I ever gotten lost after a night out!” Jon balefully took a drink, much to the resounding cheers of the group.

“Okay.” Basira smirked, “Never have I ever gotten arrested.” Jon considered lying, but somehow he knew they would know. He resigned himself to a night of complete humiliation and the destruction of his image as he took another shot, earning cheers from the group.

At least Martin wasn’t teasing him too much.