Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

X

Kakashi was frustrated.

Maybe that wasn’t the right word; he certainly hadn’t felt much but bone tired exhaustion in a long time, but somewhere underneath all the fatigue he could safely say he was in the realm of annoyed. While he was complaining he also felt as though he was perpetually on the brink of getting a cold, wavering back and forth between feverish and sore and semi-functional. The point was he felt irritated, and the source of that irritation was the one person who had always found a way to do it without realizing it.

He sighed and turned to stare out the window longingly. It was one of the first nice days in spring. A few years ago he would have been outside lying in the branches of a tree and enjoying his book. Perhaps he’d summon the ninken to fool around underneath him, let them stretch their legs and pretend to be normal dogs for a while. For a dog, Pakkun was surprisingly lazy, but Kakashi had to concede that they were both getting up there in years. Perhaps a little sluggishness was to be expected.

Except Kakashi had always been lazy, so maybe his ninken were just taking after him.

His mind followed the train of thought idly, thinking of what else he’d do on a day like today. Chances were he’d go annoy Sakura or one of his other students if they were in the village, but more often than not he’d be sought out by Gai and challenged.

He turned back around with a huff, he let his mind wander for two seconds and immediately came back to the same issue.  

The thing was this; Kakashi was bored. He had been appointed Hokage by people who had high expectations of him. He didn’t know where the good standing came from; anyone that knew him personally knew he would rather disappear for an afternoon then actually do something productive. He’d become a ‘genius shinobi’ simply because he was good at it, not because he had some sort of internal wish to become Hokage. This was what he got for being competent at his job; people expected too much of him.

He glanced back out the window. He’d much rather be reading his books than looking at mission reports. Why did he need to sign them off? Most important missions were debriefed with him in person anyways, so what was the point in reading them twice? Certainly it wasn’t to go over grammar and spelling mistakes, even though he winced at the sheer magnitude of them. He made a mental note, in the catacombs of mental notes in his mind, that he should send a letter to the school. They needed to focus more on spelling and grammar, half his shinobi didn’t even know the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’.

Jiraiya-sama would be rolling in his grave, Kakashi decided as he threw another one into the signed pile and leaned back. The least they could do was make it interesting to read. A part of him missed Rock Lee; at least his mission reports were dynamic, and he could make even a simple diplomatic leave seem interesting. Kakashi learned more about Gaara in those reports than he ever had with face to face interactions. It was also amusing that Lee spoke directly to him in the reports, as if he were speaking to Kakashi in person.

Alas, Lee was on some sort of extended vacation in Suna. That meant no interesting reports and instead he got ones where people wrote run on sentences and didn’t know how to spell.

If he bribed Gai enough, maybe he could get him to look some over. Hell, he’d even send him to hunt down said Shinobi and make them run laps for their poor writing skills. Don’t ask him how that would help the reports, but he had gut feeling that is exactly what he’d do.

‘Your soul is clearly not burning with the passion of youth to create such a lacklustre report! You should put more effort into your training! Ten laps!’

Kakashi snorted and let his head thunk down onto the desk. Damn it.

“Rokudaime-sama.” He heard from behind the thick door at the front of his office and he groaned quietly underneath his breath as he straightened out.

“Come in.” He called boredly.

“I’m sorry, he’s insisting to come in.” The harried Jonin stepped aside for Naruto who, at nearly eighteen, was still a ball of sunshine and relentless energy.

“Kakashi-Sensei!” Naruto greeted, face brightening as he stepped in front of the desk with a wrapped box held carefully in one hand. At the door the jounin muttered something about calling the hokage by their proper title before she closed the door behind her. Both men in the room promptly ignored her.    

“Afternoon, Naruto.” Kakashi felt his brows furrowing at the sight of the box, eyeing it with a healthy dose of weariness. “What are you up to?”

“I was training when Mega Brow Sensei came by. He said he was on his way to drop you off some lunch but he got called to the academy for a lecture. So he asked me to bring it.” He placed the box on the desk with a decisive little clack and then stepped back. “He also mentioned you probably worked right through lunch and would appreciate a visit.”

Kakashi turned to the clock on the wall. Ah. Two in the afternoon. Gai was right, of course, he had forgotten to eat lunch. He stared down at the box placed between the two of them and felt a mixture of emotions. This was exactly what had been bothering Kakashi lately, but he couldn’t put his finger on what was happening in his ‘Eternal Rival’s head. The gesture of bringing him lunch was kind and friendly on the outside, but Kakashi knew the lecture was a blatant lie. Gai could make it across the village in record time, even with his wheelchair, which proved Kakashi’s theory that Gai was avoiding him.

“Has it been so long since you’ve seen a real meal that you forgot how to eat Kakashi-Sensei?” Naruto teased, grinning widely. “Then again, if Gai-Sensei made it who knows what’s in there.”

“Gai is a good cook, actually.” Kakashi muttered, reluctantly dragging the box closer and unwrapping it. It was a simple meal, the miso soup was still warm, and the stir fry over rice was just how he remembered it the last time they’d made it together. The touch of thoughtfulness was overshadowed by the bitterness in knowing Gai’s standoffishness.

Naruto rocked back on his heels and then wandered over to the mantel where several photos had shown up over the course of the short time Kakashi had been Hokage. “Hey, it’s our team!”

Kakashi chewed thoughtfully as he turned to watch Naruto pluck the photo off the shelf. “Hmm.” He agreed, feeling a sense of ease flood over him. It was nice, he admitted, to have someone to distract him.

“What?!” Naruto caught sight of the one beside it and grabbed it with a childish glee. “This is you when you were little?!” He turned to throw his teacher a surprised look.

“Gai brought that in.” Kakashi admitted, forgetting it was even there for a second. Most of the things that had shown up in his office were not by his own doing. “Our fifth challenge.”

Naruto stared down at the picture, his face slowly morphing into something more serious and thoughtful. “Hey, Kakashi-sensei?”

He had the feeling he’d regret answering. “Yes?”

“Y’know, for all the times you acted annoyed, you really enjoyed them, didn’t you? The challenges?”

What a loaded question.

Kakashi shot to his feet. “That’s it!”

Naruto stared at him. “Uh, Kakashi-sensei?”

The challenges had stopped completely, and it was no wonder he felt off kilter now that he had the revelation. To have something that had become so enmeshed with the day to day life, suddenly fade away? It was a wonder he didn’t realize sooner. Gai had essentially been avoiding him unless it involved taking care of him. He had always done so in one way or another, whether it was feeding him, making sure he didn’t work himself into an early grave, or pushing him to be better. The rivalry had always been a part of that, and now it had hit a literal stalemate.  

Kakashi sat back down and put on his typical aloof expression. “Ah, just remembered something I forgot to do at home.”

Naruto blinked at him. “Uh, huh.”

He wasn’t very well going to start unloading his emotional baggage on his student. Naruto didn’t really need to hear the sordid details, nor did Kakashi know a way to explain it so the kid would understand. He changed the subject to Naruto’s training, and for a little while were able to discuss the regimen quite normally. He felt the nagging, prickly, thoughts at the back of his mind, he couldn’t deny he enjoyed the distraction. Even if he was up to the gills in scrolls and paperwork, he appreciated any visits that pulled him away from the monotony.

It was several hours later, after almost everyone else had gone home for the day, that Kakashi started the slow trek back to his home. He refused to live in the Hokage’s residence, still feeling like he was playing make-believe at something he didn’t deserve. He was a creature of habit, and he knew he would never be able to relax and think of it as his home. His apartment served him just fine. It was on the second floor, with a wide staircase out front and a ramp around the back. One of his neighbours used a walker and had insisted they install it. Kakashi didn’t know her, but he was thankful for her stubbornness.

His apartment was tiny, smelled like dogs, and had a sort of organized mess to it. He knew he could have moved a long time ago and afforded something better, but he couldn’t think of a single reason why. It had everything he needed, it had a ramp, and the neighbours were used to him coming home at all times of night with varying degrees of loud guests traipsing through his door.

He summoned his pack of ninken, greeting each one and complaining about how boring his day was. Once they had all settled, he wandered into the kitchen to clean the bento box, wondering why he even bothered. His hands slowed and eventually stopped as the sink filled with warm water, staring down into the leftover food particles floating around.

He was so frustrated.

The thing was this; Kakashi had made an oath to himself during the war. He remembered the moment vividly even now, like he could close his eyes and relive it whenever he wanted. Gai standing by his side, probably one of the last times he’d been able to do so with both feet unharmed, and the sun painting the sky blood red as it set. He remembered Gai talking, as he often did even thought he knew Kakashi wasn’t paying attention- but what caught his attention was his profile. His skin was so much darker than Kakashi’s, and the red tinge of the sky reminded him of the look it adopted when he opened the gates.

Perhaps he’d always known that Gai was destined to open the eighth gate. Which was exactly why he stared at the serious look in his rival’s eyes and promised himself that, if they both survived the war, he would give in. The question of a date was sparse and far inbetween, a careful request that Gai took gracefully when Kakashi shot him down. Sometimes he’d pretend he didn’t understand the question, other times he’d make some sort of an excuse, but Gai would never press it. He’d just nod and that would be the end of it for a while.

Kakashi didn’t know why, but when the dust settled and the war was over, he’d thought Gai would try again. Except it took months for Gai to figuratively get back on his feet, and then almost a year for Kakashi to accept the role as Hokage. Time slipped by. Instead of Gai pressing in closer he was pulling away, and Kakashi didn’t understand. They were both alive, the battlefield and life as a ninja was long behind them now. Even if Kakashi gave up the mantel tomorrow to Naruto, he wouldn’t return to life as a full-time shinobi.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was already retired, and he’d decided that Gai would be a part of it. The only problem was Gai was nowhere to be found, and Kakashi was coming to the horrifying realization that his easy life after the war wouldn’t just fall into place. He was not well versed in emotional attachments at the best of times, hell, Gai only wormed his way in because he wouldn’t leave him the fuck alone in the beginning.

Now he couldn’t imagine his life without him, and it sucked.

“You okay, boss?” Pakkun grunted beside him, nudging his leg in a parody of a half-hug before trotting a little further away and settling down on the kitchen tiles.

Kakashi washed the bento quickly and efficiently, wanting to put the physical reminder of his predicament behind him. “Nah.”

Pakkun raised his little head and shot Kakashi a disbelieving stare. “Where is he?” He jerked his head towards the sink.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, voice carefully stripped of emotion. He didn’t know why he tried, Pakkun was often way too perceptive to see through Kakashi’s aloof demeanor.

“Still avoiding you, then?”

Kakashi sighed heavily. He did not need this right now.

“You going to do anything about it?” The pug-like summon pressed the issue.

“Should I?” He didn’t like the uncertainty in his own voice, feeling as naked and vulnerable as he might with his face completely exposed.

“Yes.” Pakkun responded bluntly.

The ninja turned to raise a brow, surprised at the instant reply.

“You get mopey when he doesn’t come around for a while.” Pakkun observed.

“I do not.”

“Sure, boss. Whatever you say.” The clear condescension would have been amusing had it not been pressing on the sore point.

“He clearly doesn’t want to be near me.” Kakashi knew the moment that he said it that Pakkun had won the argument, and he hated how petulant his voice sounded. This was ridiculous, he was a grown-ass man, but something about it made him feel twelve years old again. Rather, how he assumed a twelve year old would feel, he had been thirteen going on forty. It wasn’t until he got older that he stopped taking himself so seriously and started acting his emotionally-stunted age.

“Maybe he wants some effort put in on your part.” Pakkun huffed, old and wizened in a way that Kakashi could never pull off. “Meet in the middle. All that.”

“You’re suggesting I challenge him?” He mulled the thought over in his head, several ideas coming to mind now that he considered the appeal.

“No, boss.” Pakkun sounded annoyed. “I think you should talk to him. ”

“That’s a terrible idea.” Kakashi dismissed it, almost cheerfully. The challenge idea was much more interesting. It opened up the channels of communication and it let him work off some steam. He was already feeling better about the situation.

“How are you so smart and yet so incredibly stupid?” Pakkun wondered aloud.

X

“Okay.” Tenten stepped back, her hands still outstretched just in case she needed to quickly steady him. “Try and stand.”

Gai looked down at the rudimentary brace that his most precious student had been working on, touched beyond words at the fact that she had been working on this without his knowledge. It was overwhelming for a moment, the reality of her dedication crashing into him and making tears spring to his eyes. His lower lip wobbled, and he had to swallow back the sobs. He couldn’t let Tenten’s hard work be in vain! If this didn’t work he would do one hundred laps around the village on his hands!

“Gai-Sensei.” She put her hands on her hips, exasperated. “Stop getting emotional and just try to stand, would you?”

“Of course, dearest Tenten!” He grinned and then grabbed onto the bare metal walker to haul himself to his feet. The left leg hit the ground easily, but he was always hesitant to touch the ground with his right one. Even just from being vertical, the weight of his leg pulled downwards and he grit his teeth through the wave of pain. It wasn’t as bad as some days, but he knew that the simple act of walking on it would cause him some consequences tomorrow.

“Okay, so.” She circled him, eyeing the brace carefully. “It’s not the same as some prosthetics out there. You won’t be able to run, but if I get the mechanisms right you should be able to walk. Honestly I’m just looking for feedback. I need a way for you to put your full weight on it and still be stable.” She knelt down at his side and pulled out her screwdriver, tightening bolts here and there until she leaned back, satisfied. “So?”

He carefully put more of his full weight on the leg, wincing as it shot up and down his calf. As usual, the initial step was always the worst, and if he bared through it, eventually it settled. He could feel the mechanism lock to keep him upright, the springs on either side of his knee creaking ever so slightly. The brace moved alongside his leg from foot to thigh, holding his foot steady as he stood straight. Truly Tenten had thought of everything, but the only thing she couldn’t anticipate was the pain it would cause him.  

“Hmm, the thigh part is a bit long. I had to estimate, obviously.” He had watched her grow up long enough to know that she wasn’t speaking to him at all. She often started to speak to herself as she worked through whatever was troubling her. “I think this strap needs to be adjusted, and now that I’m looking at it on, I think maybe I should create a shoe to fit onto the end of the prosthetic. The metal at the bottom is going to knock you off balance.”

“Tenten.” He tried to keep the shakiness out of his tone. “Would it disturb your work if I sat down for a minute?”

She blinked back to herself and stared up at him. “Oh, OH. Of course!” She helped him put the brakes on his wheelchair before he carefully lowered himself back down, falling the last few inches with a sag of relief.

“Oh, it’s hard to bend the knee completely, right?” Tenten was already removing the brace, nimble fingers working quickly. “I wonder if I added more stability at the sides? I can’t add anything to the back of the knee, but…”

“Tenten.” He placed a large warm hand on her shoulder, catching her attention. “This… Thank you.”

She looked up at him with a sad smile, tucking her longer bangs behind her ear as she stood up. She busied herself with cleaning up the area around them of her tools, carefully keeping her back to him. “It’s fine. I am not busy anyways, and…” He could hear the moment her voice wavered. “I thought about it a while ago, and there’s no time like the present.”

“Tenten, please do not worry yourself on my account!” He wheeled over to her, so she could see the determined look in his eyes. “I have come to terms with my injury, and I do not expect anything. I am proud of you and the kunoichi you have become, and even if-”

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, moving so quickly and suddenly that all he could do was brace for the impact and wrap his arms around her as an afterthought. “It’s next week.” She whispered, and if he felt the hot tears on his shoulder, he pointedly decided not to comment on them. “We… We’re the only ones left, just me and you. Lee will be in Suna.” She sniffed. “The memorial grounds aren’t good for your wheelchair and…”

“Tenten.” He gently pulled her back, heart breaking at the miserable look on her face. “I won’t be able to walk by then, even with your amazing prosthetic.”

“I know.” She wiped at her tears stubbornly. “It was a silly wish, but…” She knelt down at his side, but it was a comfortable position, one where she just barely leaned her forearm on his good knee. It made him smile to see that Tenten had learned so quickly how to adjust her life around him now. She was always the most adaptable of his students. “I thought of the idea when Lee broke his leg.”

“Ah, he will be happy to know you were thinking about his well being!” Gai beamed at her. “My pupils are such good teammates to one another!”

“You know…” She ducked her head. “It’s amazing that I don’t have higher self esteem with you around.”

Gai tilted his head back and laughed, the first true bout of laughter that he’d had in what felt like weeks. “Oh, Tenten! Are you finally starting to listen to my praise? Have you decided to embrace your positive attributes?”

She shook her head snorting lightly. “Anxiety doesn’t work that way, Gai-Sensei.”

He ruffled her hair, just like how he did when she was younger. It was an attest to the longevity of their bond that she didn’t immediately swat his hand away and huff that he’d ruined her hair. “I know.” He assured her seriously. “I will always keep trying! You deserve to know how wonderful you are!”

“You’re wonderful, too, Gai-Sensei.” The honesty and earnestness in her tone shocked him. They’d had their moments before, but sometimes he wondered if he’d ever gotten through to Tenten and Neji. He still had moments of grief and doubt that the young Hyuuga hadn’t known how proud he had been, how much joy it had brought him to watch him grow. “And I know… I know there’s something wrong.”

His heart fell in his chest, and the smile slowly slipped away from his features. He was a man of passion and emotion, and so he had always worn his heart on his sleeve. Everyone knew what he was feeling, and if they didn’t he often proclaimed it loud enough for them to get the picture. He should have known that Tenten would pick up on his sour mood. She was the person he spent the most time with now that Lee was in Suna long-term.

“You’re avoiding something.” She accused lightly. “I am a pro at it, so I know what it looks like.”

“It’s nothing a good work-out and dinner won’t fix!” He pumped his fist exuberantly.

“Gai-Sensei.” She deadpanned. “Please give me more credit than that. You practically hide around here when you’re not at the academy. And you’re cooking… A lot.” She fixed him with a knowing look. “Which tells me you’re trying to keep busy from something.”

“Ah, yes. That reminds me. I made you a bento.” He gestured to his bag. “We should put it in the fridge.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.” She reminded him. “You can tell me these things.”

He patted her head lightly. “There are some things you don’t tell your precious pupils, Tenten. Even if they have blossomed into strong and competent Shinobi.”

“Well if you don’t tell someone you’re going to burst.” She rolled her eyes. “What about Kurenai-Sensei?”

“Kurenai has the noble and hectic job of raising a young Mirai! I couldn’t bother her with-” He started to protest, but one look from Tenten caused him to trail off meekly.

“Just talk to her.” Tenten stood up decisively and wandered over to his pack that was resting on the table, fishing out the bento and observing its contents. “Dumplings!” She exclaimed in glee, and then moved further into the house to place them in the fridge.

Gai as still frowning at the floor when she returned. “Alright, come on, we’re going for dinner. I’m eating those tomorrow for lunch.” She moved around behind him and took hold of the handles on his wheelchair, implying that he had no choice when they both knew he could easily break from her hold. “We’ll even get curry.”

X

Kakashi wracked his brains about what kind of challenge he should issue, surely he couldn’t treat Gai with kid gloves and ask for something simple. No, if he was going to do this he needed something that would keep them occupied for a while. Kakashi needed the stress release more than he dared to admit to himself. His day off was coming up; every two weeks like clockwork. Most days he spent it in bed and lazing around the home, but this time he was determined to spend it getting Gai to open back up to him.

How strange his life had become. He had a moment of wondering what ten, fifteen, and even twenty year old Kakashi would think of his thought process now.

“Ah, Kakashi-Sensei.” He stopped in his tracks and turned the sound of the familiar voice.

“Sakura-chan.” He greeted calmly, eyes taking in the charts and papers she was carrying in her arms. He knew better than to ask her if she needed help, but he wondered what would warrant removing charts from the hospital. “Working from home?”

She glanced down, as if realizing belatedly what she was holding and then hugged them a little more snugly to her chest. If that didn’t make him suspicious then her next words did. “Just heading to Tenten’s for something.”

“Tenten-san?” He prompted, and the two of them fell into step side by side.

“Yeah, she wants me to go over some things with her.” Sakura admitted lightly, keeping her tone careful.

“What could you need to go over that would involve hospital charts?” Kakashi called her bluff.

“That’s confidentiality.” She warned him.

“You know I could just steal them, or decree you have to tell me as your Hokage.” He teased her.

“Not even your stature would cause me to break patient-client secrecy.” She raised a challenging brow at him. “And if you try expect to get a punch to the face, Hokage-sama.”

He chuckled. “Ah, Sakura-chan, when did you get so scary!”

“Since I learned you were terribly transparent.” She caught him off guard with the comment, but continued either way. “You and I both know whose files these are, so the real question is why don’t you know why I need them?”

His mouth snapped shut.

“That’s what I thought.” She sighed and slowed to a stop, turning to him with a frown. “Whatever happened, you should really apologize Kakashi-Sensei.”

“Nothing has happened.” He let some of his true bitterness bleed out. “I don’t know how to fix what I’m not aware of.”

When he finally did look at his student again, she looked surprised at his confession, but then her face turned into one of contemplation.

“Do you want me to ask?” The question was hesitant.

“No.” He quickly waved her off. “Getting you messed up in this is just silly. It will be fine. Gai can’t say mad for long.”

She didn’t look convinced. “You should really talk to him, either way.”

Watching her walk away, he started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, people were onto something. He turned the other direction to backtrack to his apartment with measured steps. For once his mind was completely blank with what to do. What he’d said was partially true, how did he fix something he didn’t know? Mind filled with white noise, he entered his apartment and pulled his clothes off, the fatigue of the day hitting him like a ton of bricks. He did the bare minimum of cleaning before he fell into his bed, pulling the covers up and passing out.

The dream was too real, as vivid as a genjutsu, but just off-kilter enough to prove it wasn’t reality. Kakashi watched as the sun burned red, and Gai ripped open each gate. He couldn’t move his body, couldn’t look away as the sixth gate turned into the seventh, and then finally the eighth. Gai’s skin was full of fissures, and he could feel the heat of the battle on his face like he was standing too close. The ground was torn up around them with the force of his chakra, and Kakashi couldn’t even see an opponent through the swirl of energy.

“ You’ll carry on, won’t you, Rival? ”

Gai was speaking over his shoulder towards him, but it felt like the voice was echoing all around them. The question berating him, hitting him from all sides until he felt crushed under the weight. He tried to open his mouth, but it was like it was glued shut. He was nothing but an observer, powerless to stop the gate of death from burning Gai alive. He watched with his heart in his throat, as each chakra pathway became snuffed out one by one, and Gai crumpled.

There was no Naruto to stop the decay, and he observed transfixed as Gai breathed his last breath. He could hear the heartbeat stutter, slower, slower, and then stop completely.

Kakashi awoke and was already half out of bed and pulling on clothes before he realized what he was doing. He let go of the shirt abruptly, letting it slither down his stomach and cover him haphazardly. He stood alone in his room, staring at the window he had been ready to jump out of and into the night. His mind had already calculated how long it would take to get to Gai’s apartment, and the only thing he had to do was take the leap.

There was something vulnerable about the night, making everything seem so much bigger and more pressing. It made the things he’d been hiding slither out from the shadows and grow in size until they felt daunting. His heart was racing, anxiety making him feel panicked and unsteady, and he knew that one look at Gai would put him at ease. Surely he could just check and make sure Gai was alive, and then come home. It wasn’t so strange, was it? To want to make sure that someone who had cheated death before was still breathing?

Mind made up he slipped out into the night, careful not to alert any ANBU of his intentions. There were only two on during the night, and surely they’d rather play cards or sleep than watch him stalk his friend. He kept to the shadows, carefully picking his way the few blocks over he needed before he hopped into the tree right beside Gai’s window. The curtains blocked a lot of his view, but the window was open ever so slightly.

The breeze ruffled them every once and a while, and if he squinted hard enough, he could see inside to the figure lying prone on the bed. Even if he did feel the presence that could only be explained as Maito Gai, the visual confirmation was enough to make him sag in relief. He sat down heavily on the branch and focused on breathing, the cool of the night leaching into his bones as he came down from his adrenaline-spiked high. Gai was alive, and breathing, and sleeping as Kakashi should be.

Yet he couldn’t peel himself away from the branch and return home, he could only sit there and slump against the tree, waiting for those brief glimpses to constantly reassure himself that Gai was okay.

The body on the bed shifted and Kakashi knew he’d been found out. Gai was a solid sleeper, but once he was awake he couldn’t sit still. He didn’t think he’d been particularly loud, and he was good at lowering his chakra, but both thoughts were a disservice to Gai. He was a living legend after all.

“Are you going to stay out there all night?” Gai asked, rolling over onto his back with his eyes closed in determination.

“Maybe.” Kakashi responded cheekily, but in reality he had no idea if he was still welcome.

“Is something wrong?”

“Do I need a reason to visit a friend?” Kakashi replied casually.

Gai turned to the clock on his bedside table and then actually sat up to angle his upper body towards to window. “At two am?”

“Seems to be the only time you’re available nowadays.” Kakashi’s filter was back asleep in his bed, apparently. He tried to play it off with a flippant tone, but it was wishful thinking that Gai would just ignore it.

“Come in.” The tone was tired, with something else he couldn’t quite decipher.

He blinked at the request, feeling terribly put on the spot. His body didn’t move one way or another, but the words were clear and precise.

“Kakashi.”

Somehow the sound of his name, not the moniker or any other flowery title, made his body obey. He opened the window further and crawled inside. Gai had lied back down, which was as odd as it was unnerving. He didn’t hop out of bed and offer him tea, or turn on the light, or even start talking to fill the silence. In a part of Kakashi’s brain that may or may not have been part of his Shinobi training, he recognized the body language as an invitation. A platonic one, but one all the same.

“I should go.” He didn’t know when things had become so stilted and weird between them, and he felt angry at himself because of it. Why had he let it get this bad? Why didn’t he see something was wrong earlier? Why was he so stunted that he couldn’t think of something to fix it?

“Just come here.” Gai murmured. “I don’t have the energy to come get you.”  

That spurred Kakashi into movement, he slid in between the sheets with the premise of looking closer to ensure there were no new injuries. “What happened?”

“Bad pain day.” He admitted after a few tense moments.

“Does this involve Sakura and Tenten?” He frowned. Even if Sakura didn’t explicitly tell them that they’d run into each other, he didn’t have the patience to pretend he didn’t know.

Gai turned around suddenly, facing him and letting him see the naked exhaustion on his face. He had this uncanny trait that transformed his whole body when he was feeling an emotion, and it made something up under Kakashi’s ribs ache to see it. He wasn’t a medic, and certainly not one trained in chronic pain, but he searched his memory anyways and came up short with a way to help.

“I must certainly be a sight for you to lose your cool and aloof demeanor.” Gai joked wryly, but it landed wrong.

“I don’t like seeing you in pain.” Kakashi breathed.

“You have seen me in pain many times!” Gai reminded him, amused.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Gai fell silent.

“What did I do wrong?” He tried again.

Gai let out a slow breath, his voice measured and even. “You did nothing wrong.”

Kakashi sat up and glared down at him, anger pulsing through every nerve. “Don’t lie to me, Gai. What the hell?!” He knew he’d remembered his mask, but he felt as if Gai had yanked it down and exposed every little raw wound he’d ever felt. “I didn’t take you for a coward. If you want me out of your life, just fucking tell me.”

“I don’t want you out of my life, Kakashi, and you’re going to have to take my word on that for now. I cannot focus and I want to have this conversation when I am more mentally aware.” He reached over and closed his hand around Kakashi’s wrist, it was firm but not painful. “Stay here tonight.”

Kakashi wanted answers, but he it was nothing new that he didn’t get what he wanted. He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes, trying to remember the last time they’d shared a sleeping space. It had happened multiple times over the years, some more memorable than others. One or both of them was generally in pain, so that also wasn’t a novel concept. In fact, Gai being injured and Kakashi being emotionally compromised seemed to be the theme. Just like old times, he thought bitterly to himself.

Despite the late hour, neither of them was able to sleep for a long time. Gai kept on shifting, trying to find a comfortable position with his leg throbbing, and Kakashi hyper aware of the warmth beside him. Eventually he fell into a light doze, just listening to the even breaths of his long-time rival, waking up just long enough when Gai’s breath hitched in pain and then settled again. It was a long night, but when the first rays of sunshine started to peek over the hills they both still crawled out of bed.

“There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom for you.” Gai told him, rolling into the kitchen with his wheelchair and setting on making some tea.

Kakashi noticed the way he pulled the wheelchair inwards ever so slightly to collapse it in order to get through the kitchen opening. He’d never had that problem at Kakashi’s place.

When he was somewhat presentable he wandered into the kitchen and sat down at the table, knowing better than to interrupt Gai’s routine. He worked in silence, and Kakashi could do nothing but follow his movements as he wheeled back and forth across the kitchen. He made them a simple breakfast, placed the tea on the table in front of them, and then finally parked in the one spot across from Kakashi that didn’t have a chair. The table was relatively new, large enough on the sides so Gai could fit his wheelchair underneath.

Now that he was in the situation, Kakashi was surprised that he didn’t prolong the start of the conversation. He liked to avoid emotional things, but something about the situation made him impatient to start. They only had perhaps an hour before someone came to fetch him. He had no doubts that the ANBU had found his hiding place, and were probably giving the apartment a wary berth until he emerged.

He cradled the tea in his hands, letting the hot of the ceramic bite into his hands. “So?”

“Tenten is attempting to make me a brace so that I may walk.” Gai started conversationally. “Sakura-san was consulted so that they may best devise how to stabilize the broken bones.”

“Which means you’re going to be in agony while they experiment.” Kakashi frowned.

“It is nothing I have not lived through before.” Gai assured him with a smile. “My precious student is trying her best, and so shall I!”

The bitter question of whether she was doing it for Gai or for herself was on the tip of his tongue, but he refrained. He had his own problems coming to terms with his injury, but it didn’t seem fair to put him through all this just so that his students could feel a sense of normalcy. Gai was crippled, and his leg damaged enough that surgery had been an option, but one that would have still ended with the same result. Even if they did remove the jumbled mess of his bones that had barely melded themselves back together, the metal rod they’d use would be just as limiting. Eventually, no matter what they did, he’d end up back in the wheelchair.

“Sakura-san was explaining the benefits to patients in long-term wheelchairs being able to stand, even for a few hours a day. It helps with circulation and reduces the chances of sores and infection. It is recommended, but of course it will take some time for my body to adjust. I only took a few steps yesterday before I had to sit down, but just imagine!”

“Is it worth it?” Kakashi peered into his face, and even though the question seemed insensitive, he hoped that Gai would understand what he was truly asking. Was it worth it to suffer through more physiotherapy, was it worth it to be in this much pain, was it worth it for Gai and not just Tenten and Sakura.

“Are you worried about me, Rival? That I may catch up to you again?” Gai joked, but Kakashi’s brain screeched to a halt as the avoidance behaviour started to make sense.

“You think I’ll leave you behind because you’re-” He cut himself off and had to count backwards from ten so he didn’t stand up and throttle this stupid dumbass . “Gai.” He had a hard time keeping his voice even so he didn’t start yelling. “In what world would you no longer be my Rival? I thought eternal meant forever, not until one of us can’t walk .” He hissed. “Is that really all you think of me?”

Instead of looking chastised, or even remotely upset, Gai’s face morphed into something calm and beseeching. He reached across the table and gently placed is hand on Kakashi’s, making the lightning-user realize that he was clenching his fist angrily by his lowered teacup. “I know how hard this has been for you.”

“How hard-” Kakashi was gobsmacked, realizing that this was the first time in a very long time that they didn’t intrinsically understand where the other one was coming from. “How hard it is for me ?” He could feel his hand shaking underneath Gai’s. “Gai, I could care fucking less about how your leg affects me. I care how it affects you .”

“I am not the person I once was.” Gai explained in that same patronizing tone.

“And that makes you, what? Not worthy? Not enough for me?”

“I cannot meet you halfway.” Gai reminded him sadly.

“Gai. I can safely say, without any doubt, that this is not about me.”

Kakashi couldn’t stop the hurt and disappointment from washing over him like a tsunami. After all that they had been through together, Gai was implying that the only reason why Kakashi had stuck around, humoured him, is because of their abilities as Shinobi and not because they had founded something stronger underneath. There was a warning in the back of his mind that was telling him to address Gai’s insecurities, but he was too angry and too upset to think clearly.

“You don’t get to decide how important other people are to me.” Kakashi continued fiercely. “Or is this some backhanded way to tell me that I’m no longer important to you?” He stood up and pushed away from the table, because he couldn’t bare to listen to any response. It would kill him. Take the last shred of humanity in him and tear it up to pieces, just like how the eighth gate tore Gai apart from the inside. “If that’s what you want, then fine.”

Gai was already opening his mouth to speak up, but Kakashi wouldn’t let him.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Kakashi admitted, and just because he could, he used his speed to leave through the front door and slam it shut behind him.

Chapter Text

x

“Sakura.” Tenten stormed into her office, slapping the designs for her brace down on her desk with a threatening echo. “What the fuck did your sensei do?”

She glared down at her, as if this was somehow her fault that Kakashi was so emotionally constipated. Honestly, she would have gone up to the Hokage’s office herself and tore a strip off of him, but being the rokudaime gave him a certain amount of immunity to her wrath. She settled for the next best thing; yelling at the only student he had that she knew who had some sense. If Sakura couldn’t get the truth out of him, then they were dead in the water.

“I already asked him.” Sakura had a defensive tone, which was to be expected, but still surprised Tenten. “Maybe it’s your sensei who is in the wrong.”

“Gai-Sensei wouldn’t hurt his Rival like this.”  Tenten shot back just as hotly.

“Well, from the one sentence I got out of Kakashi-sensei, I’m going to say he did.” She crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back in her chair, glaring up at Tenten defiantly.

She had to abruptly recalculate the direction of this conversation, but Tenten was done leaving their two boneheads to their own devices. Clearly they were messing this up even more on their own. It was time for an intervention.

“Okay.” She nodded and yanked the chair over to sit in front of Sakura. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You tell me what you know. I’ll tell you what I know.”

Sakura looked conflicted, eyes flickering to the window where she had a view of Hokage tower. “Kakashi-sensei really values his privacy-”

“Sakura, cut the bullshit.” Tenten demanded. “Does he look miserable?”

The pink-haired kunoichi mulled over her answer before settling on a quiet. “Yes.”

“Then I don’t give a flying fuck about their privacy.” She leaned forward and braced both hands on the desk for emphasis. “Gai-Sensei stopped training.”

Sakura’s mouth dropped open.

“He stopped training, he stopped coming to my house, he won’t even try on the brace. He says, and I quote ‘there’s no point’.” She sighed heavily, rubbing at her face. “He won’t even tell me what happened, he just goes and sits at the memorial stone.”

Sakura shifted in discomfort, feeling slightly justified in her vindictive happiness that Maito Gai was feeling some guilt. She tried not to let it show when she carefully admitted what she’d heard. “Kakashi-Sensei came back to work a few days ago and when I asked him if he apologized he said ‘Gai thinks all I’m good for is fighting anyways, so’…” She paused carefully. “‘What’s the point’?”

Tenten felt a healthy dose of regret for sticking her nose in this now. “So it’s really got nothing to do with the rivalry, does it?”

“Nope.” Sakura popped the end of the word looking just as uncomfortable as Tenten felt.

“Oh sweet eternal hell.” Tenten groaned, head falling into her hands. “This is a mess.”

“I can’t believe I’m asking this but… uh… Does Gai-Sensei really only care about the competition?”

Tenten’s head shot up and she huffed. “Of course not, you didn’t have to hear his constant speeches about Kakashi growing up. I don’t know how I didn’t go insane.”

“I really don’t know either.” Sakura gave her a sympathetic smile. “Kakashi-Sensei had his own challenges…” She let out a slow breath. “Honestly this is… the first time I’ve heard him be so honest. Even if he was too angry to censor himself. I mean, I knew that Gai-Sensei was important to him, obviously , but…”  

“This is physically painful to talk about.” Tenten agreed with what Sakura wouldn’t say wholeheartedly. “But I am at a loss. I seriously considered calling Lee back from Suna. I have no idea what to do. Now that it’s my Sensei’s fault I’m completely out of ideas.”

“It’s… It’s not just your Sensei’s fault.” Sakura said slowly, gears turning in her head. “Kakashi-Sensei had a long time to say what he wanted and he didn’t.” She abruptly groaned. “We are going to need to get so drunk after this.”

“So drunk.” Tenten agreed. “So, you talk to mine and I’ll talk to yours?”

“The opposite didn’t help, so may as well give it a try.”

X

They planned the attack in a few days time, hoping that the two men would be sufficiently cooled off by then (See: Kakashi) and had some time to think about what they said (See: Gai). They had to time it perfectly so there was no chance that the two of them had time to warn the other that it was coming. Tenten was good at pretending, so she dutifully got up every day and went to visit Gai, made sure he ate something, and then stood with him quietly at the memorial stone. Neji’s anniversary had come and gone, and the two of them had spoken softly to him with an offering of soba.

Tenten slipped into Kakashi’s office and hid herself carefully before Kakashi returned from one of his meetings. It gave her a moment to observe him as he entered the office and sat down at his desk. He rearranged some things, face fixed into not a bland expression, but a scowl. He had probably been in a foul mood since the fight, and Tenten could plainly see how much it had wreaked havoc on his nerves.

“Maa, Tenten-chan.” Kakashi’s spine straightened ever so slightly. “You could have been in ANBU.”

She revealed herself with a scoff. “No offense Hokage-sama, but no way in hell .”

“It would certainly stop you from meddling in your superior’s lives.” Kakashi threatened mildly.

“It would not.” She assured him cheerfully.

He interlaced his fingers together and regarded her, waiting for whatever inevitable accusation she threw at him.

“I considered calling in Lee, you know.” She wandered around the office, taking in the sparse personal items.

If it was a warning it had the opposite effect. “Perhaps you should.” Kakashi’s voice lost it’s edge.

Tenten had no doubts that Lee would arrive from Suna, relaxed and even more saturated in love than the last time he’d gone away. He would listen carefully to Tenten explaining the situation, and then make it his solemn duty to fix the wrong that had befallen their precious senseis. Being in love hadn’t changed Lee an iota, except it made him infinitely more invested in the love lives of others in hopes that he could bring them the same happiness he felt. In any scenario it probably involved a lot of shouty proclamations and a couple well placed punches. Lee would assault the Hokage in a well-meaning display of youth and holy retribution, and they’d have to peel the ANBU off of him.  

Damn, she missed when things were more simple. She certainly couldn’t punch Kakashi, and she wasn’t dumb enough to try, no matter how much she wanted to.

“Careful what you wish for.” Tenten warned him with a sly smile. “He might bring Gaara with him, and we both know he could just put the two of you in a sand bubble until you either kill each other or work it out.” She made an exaggerated delay in her next words. “Though it does have some merit.”

“I’m pretty sure that would cause a war.” Kakashi deadpanned.

“Not if we get half the old genin teams involved.”

He sighed. “Are you about done?”

Tenten made a show of dragging one of the chairs closer to his desk, sitting down and making herself comfortable. “I haven’t even started. You do realize who my teacher was, don’t you? I have patience for days .” Her face lost its wolfish grin and she became serious. “You do know that Gai-Sensei is an idiot, right? A loveable, loyal, and downright selfless idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.” She waited for the bearest of twitch on his part before she continued. “He’s working through this just as much as you are.”

Kakashi’s eyes flashed dangerously. “What, exactly, is he working through?”

“The same thing you are, I’d wager.” She looked at her nails and started picking at the rough edges. “Knowing what to do with each other now that the war is over. Living a life of more peace than war, giving up the piece of yourself that you thought you’d always be able to rely on.” She shot him a look. “You two aren’t the only ones who have to figure out what to do with yourselves, but the rest of us just saw a therapist for a little while. We didn’t become Hokage or be forced to retire because of a chronic injury.”

Kakashi pursed his lips beneath the mask, and Tenten continued in his silence. “Does it bother you at all that he's retired? I mean, I always looked up to him and maybe I’m struggling with that.” She swallowed around the bitter truth. “But the thing is, me and Gai-Sensei are going to be okay, because we see each other enough that we can adapt.”

She stared right into the two dark eyes, daring him to prove her wrong. “He’d always come to you . But when you did finally talk to him it wasn't for a challenge, it's because you're friends and you're realizing he put in most the effort to see you. Which makes me think you're now stuck in a feedback loop of feeling sorry for yourself. You could have done more before it got this bad, but you didn't, and now you're stuck with the consequences.”

Kakashi kept his face from leaking any emotion through. “Why do I get the feeling we are not talking about me anymore?”

“Oh, we are.” Tenten assured him triumphantly. “Just because you’re older doesn’t mean others don’t understand the type of damaged you are.” She rolled her eyes. “Men, think they’re so self important that no one understands their pain.”

“Are you going to berate me for the entire time you’re here, or is this coming to a point sometime soon?” He gestured around him at the mountain of paperwork that he should probably get back to.

“Depends if you’re going to contribute to this conversation or not.” She replied lightly.

“I tried to talk to him.” Kakashi grumbled, feeling so incredibly stupid that he was letting the younger woman get under his skin like this. It was highly inappropriate that he was entertaining this conversation at all, nevermind participating in it.

“So keep trying.” She said in exasperation. “Did you agree to his challenges after he asked you once ?”

Kakashi internally bemoaned that this was what his life had become. He was getting talked down to by a Kunoichi who was half his age, and he couldn’t deny that she was right.  

She held her hands up defensively. “Listen, I’m not about to ask all the stuff that’s happened between the two of you, quite frankly I don’t think I can handle it. The thing is this; you both care about each other, and he clearly doesn’t know how you feel so it’s up to you to make him understand.” She leaned back in her seat. “Or you can just continue to spiral pathetically until I call in the big guns. And I mean the puppy eyes of Rock Lee AND Naruto Uzumaki.”  She splayed her hands wide and then stood up decisively. “Your choice.”

“Tenten-chan.” He addressed her. “If I do this, do I have your solemn word that we never have to have this sort of conversation ever again?”

“Oh, I would be ecstatic to pretend this never happened.”

And with that, she was gone.

X

Sakura had a much easier time talking to Gai than she thought she would. All it took was a cautious question of ‘how are you doing’ before she was dealing with a blubbering, barely consolable jounin. She patted his back awkwardly, letting him cry it out with sentences intermixed about how he had hurt his most precious person, and he didn’t deserve such kindness from Sakura. She couldn’t get a word in edgewise for quite a while, but eventually the sobs subsided and she started the slow and painful process of explaining that Kakashi was, without a doubt, a dumbass.

“His issues have issues.” She joked lightly. “I mean, the mask is the first clue.”

Gai remained quiet, hands resting in his lap as he stared down at the ground.

“Listen, you guys are friends.” She assured him, even though she knew that wasn’t quite the right word. “Kakashi-Sensei knows that, even if he’s a little dramatic.” The irony of calling her sensei dramatic in front of the king of loud proclamations was something Sakura would think about for years to come. “I’m not saying you both haven’t been through a lot, and it’s hard to work through it all, but...”

“But I have damaged our bond irreparably.” Gai finished for her miserably.

She took back what she said about Kakashi being the dramatic one.

“I’m sure it’s fixable.” She may be a medic, but she certainly wasn’t a psychiatrist.

“Things won’t go back to the way they were.” He looked lost.

“... Is that such a bad thing?” Sakura asked. “Maybe you have to reset the foundations before you can move forward?”

Gai blinked at her, and then his lips slowly curled into the tiniest hopeful smile. “You are very wise, Sakura-san.”

“Yeah, well. I’ve had enough dumb people around me to pick up a few things.” She spoke mostly to herself wryly, but then offered Gai a smile in return. “Just don’t give up on him, okay?”

She left him there to consider that, unsure if she had made it worse or better in the long run, but deciding that it was enough for the moment. Gai did stay for quite a while longer, mulling the things over in his head and wondering what to do about them. When Kakashi had left he had said something to the effect of waiting for Gai, but waiting for what? His mind couldn’t quite piece it together with full certainty, and so he was left to ruminate about it.

Gai was a strong and iron-willed person, he always had been. He was confident enough in his abilities and his standing to know that he could accomplish anything he set his mind to. He didn’t get to where he was by being wishy-washy, and he had always prided himself in his dedication. Now, however, there was no amount of training that would give him back the use of his leg, and this avoidance behaviour had all started from one thought that made him doubt himself.

When he was younger, during the time that Kakashi had been at his worst, he had pushed him. Together they had grown through years of challenges and difficulties, all because Gai thought they could rely on each other. He knew, even without explicit proof, that his training had helped Kakashi in some way, allowing him to not grow complacent. It was because he had such a spectacular rival that Gai could strive to be better and better, and eventually became Kakashi’s equal.

Now that he was Hokage, there was nothing more to push him towards. He was busy constantly, and he couldn’t just drag him away from his duties of running the village for a playful bout at whim. Gai could see where the end of the tunnel came, and it would involve Kakashi relinquishing the title to the next generation. By that time Gai would no longer have the strength he did now, and even if he started walking again, one day he wouldn’t be able to do even that.

Even though Kakashi had never said such a thing, Gai began to wonder what he could offer him now that they were on the downside of the peak with momentum pulling them further and further towards the ground. He knew they were friends, and they would always be friends, but he felt restless at the thought of not having anything else but old memories to look back on. Was it possible to move forward together? He had never had such a thought before, and now with the future stretching out endlessly in front of him, he couldn’t deny he was scared of what it meant.

Kakashi had yelled at him, and knowing he’d hurt him with his insecurities was the most damaging thing of all. He could live with the chronic pain, the bad days where he could barely plaster on a smile, but the last thing he ever wanted was to hurt Kakashi like the others in his life had. Now Gai was a part of that number; the people who had cut out bits of his heart to never regrow properly. He hadn’t considered Kakashi’s feelings in the matter, just simply let his own blind him.

He really was a fool.

When he did return home for the day and focused on his stretches and exercises to help keep his leg as functional as it could be, he considered what he could do. He needed some form of offering that would show Kakashi he was sorry. Flowers? Food? Sake? He considered each one carefully as he readied for bed. By the time his head hit the pillow, he decided it would probably be safe to just do all three.

He wasn’t asleep for long, though. When he did jolt awake he couldn’t decide if it was because of the nightmare, the pain, or something else entirely. He lay there for several long seconds before he turned his head and glanced out the window. He had been too wrought to close it, the open window a reminder of that night and how much he had messed up. It was because of it that he saw the figure in the tree, and his heart jumped up into his throat.

“Kakashi?” He sat up carefully, turning to grab for his wheelchair and wondering why tonight of all nights he’d forgone a shirt to sleep in.

“Don’t.” His rival was already climbing through the window, waving off the need for Gai to get out of bed. “You don’t need to get up.”

Gai turned back to him carefully, taking in the fact that he was wearing casual lounging clothes with his mask on. It meant he had either come there directly from his own bed, or made it a conscious decision. Kakashi gingerly sat on the bed, leg still on the floor and body angled away. Like he couldn’t be sure if he was welcome, or if he didn’t trust himself to move closer. The silence gave Gai the perfect opportunity to try and explain his jumbled mess of emotions, and so he took a deep breath and started with something simple.

“I’m sorry.” He bowed his head in shame. “I hurt you. It was never my intention but in my selfishness it happened anyways. For that I apologize.”

Kakashi moved then, pulling the covers back just far enough so that he could slip underneath them. He was on his side with nearly the entire bed between them, but he was looking directly at him. Gai copied his movement, wondering if Kakashi was just there to sleep, or if he was going to acknowledge his apology at all. Perhaps this was his way of silently forgiving him, and trying to slowly bridge the gap? Were they going to pretend this never happened and pretend that it was nothing but a blip in their friendship?

“Your heart almost stopped beating.” Kakashi told him as a matter of factly.

Gai felt a chuckle bubble up before he could completely reign it in. “But dear Rival, I opened the final gate and I am still here! You cannot get rid of me that easily.”

“No, I mean after in the hospital.”

Gai’s eyes widened, it was the first time he’d heard of it. He tried to wrack his brains to remember if anyone had told him that after he became conscious, but found nothing. The only thing he could recall was when he awoke and Lee was at his side. Still, he knew Kakashi was not a liar when it came to things like this, and so he gently prompted him further.

“When?”

Kakashi turned onto his back, unable to stare at Gai’s earnest face while he told his story. “I broke into your hospital room a few times while you were in the medically induced coma.” He admitted without an iota of remorse. “They told me you couldn’t have visitors that weren’t family, you had listed Lee as your emergency contact person.” At the time he had been a little shaken by that fact, but he had come to terms with it and realized it made the most sense.

“Had I known I would have informed them!” Gai assured him, feeling righteous fury on his friend’s behalf.

“You’re my next of kin, you know.” He admitted idly, as if talking about the weather. He didn’t touch the fact that Gai was far too brittle to even be awake to make that choice. “Guess we would have been screwed if we both almost died, huh?” He turned to look at Gai’s watering eyes and rolled his own. “Don’t give me that look, who else would be? I certainly wouldn’t put Naruto in charge of my health. You’d do the right thing… Sakura would be too busy trying to heal me to make the call.”

Gai reached across the space between them and grabbed his forearm, just holding on. The warmth of it spread across his body, and he felt his courage falter. It felt too real, remembering what had happened in the days it took for Gai to recover. The medinins knew he was coming in and out, the small trinkets on his bedside table were enough to alert them that he’d been there. He always waited until they did their last rounds before midnight so he could sneak in unnoticed.  

Kakashi recalled the beeping of the monitors, how he stared down at the bed and saw all the drips and machines that were essentially keeping Gai alive. Though Naruto had stopped the decay of his chakra, he was not out of the woods by a long shot. The poor medinin that took pity on him one day explained that one of the infusions was working to strengthen his heartbeat so he could pump enough blood around his body. He remembered thinking how overwhelmed Lee must have been when they explained it all to him, but the kid was nothing but determined.

In the dark of the hospital room Kakashi was able to work up the courage to lean on Gai’s hospital bed, careful of the many wires and tubes, and lay his hand over his heart just to feel it pumping beneath his fingertips. The first night he did it, tears had sprung to his eyes, but he wouldn’t allow himself to fully breakdown. The sound of crying would alert the night shift that there was someone there. He tried to go and get some sleep after that, but ended up coming back a few hours later as well.

The second night he did it again, but this time he saw something odd on the monitor. In the place of his normal heart beat he could see strange little blips that looked different than the others. His first aid was abysmal at best, but even he knew something was wrong. He quickly crossed the room and perched a little further onto the bed, leaning in close to feel the heartbeat. It wasn’t as strong as it had been, so he lowered his head instead.

He heard Gai’s heart start to stutter and beat too fast, sending alarms blaring. He sat up quickly and had already charged the lightning jutsu before he remembered where he was. He may not be the best at medicine, but he had defibrillated enough shinobi in his time to know how much to use. He shocked Gai’s heart back into a normal rhythm and only stayed long enough to make sure the medinin’s were on their way before he made his escape. He spent that entire night pacing outside the hospital, but Gai’s heart never went back into that lethal arrhythmia.

He remembered hearing the medinin tell Sakura that they saw something on the rhythm strip that looked suspiciously like a defibrillation spike when she arrived the next morning. No one could prove it, and shortly after he woke up, so Kakashi settled for visiting during waking hours.

“You were there when it happened.” Gai picked up on what he wouldn’t say.

Instead of answering, Kakashi sat up just enough to move a little closer and then flop back down onto the bed, curling on his side so that he was a mere foot away. It would be easy enough to move closer or further away, and Gai didn’t dare close the gap in fear that he would do something wrong. His heart was beating fast and loud, and it picked up the pace when Kakashi was the one to reach out and place his palm over top of the fading burn mark he’d left on his chest.

“Oh.” Gai realized that it wasn’t residual from opening the eighth gate, and he felt foolish that he didn’t recognize the lightning jutsu for what it was. How many bodies had he seen with the same marks once they’d faced Kakashi? “It was you.”

“I was right there.” He downplayed the huge significance, but he wouldn’t make eye contact.

Gai covered the hand over his heart and curled his fingers around it. He slowly brought it up to his mouth and kissed the knuckles there, praying that he wasn’t reading this the wrong way. He didn’t know how to possibly downplay the emotion that was rampaging around his body at the moment. Kakashi had saved his life, like a million times before, but now there was a permanent marking. It was fitting that he had a piece of him over his heart, like a tattoo that was meant to be there.

“I wanted you to ask, again.” Kakashi admitted so softly that anyone who didn’t have Gai’s super hearing would have missed it. A little bit stronger he continued: “I was the one being a coward. I’m sorry, too.”  

“It won’t be the same.” Gai felt the need to point out, letting their hands rest on the bed between them intertwined. “When I asked you for something more-”

“I don’t want anything else.” Kakashi cut him off. “I just want whatever you’re willing to give me.”

“Even if I can’t be your rival?”

Kakashi leaned up onto his elbow and pulled down his mask. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen him without it, but never in this context. Often it was a quick movement to eat or drink something, or when he was too out of it from pain to really acknowledge what was happening. Now it was different, something intimate and only for Gai to see. Even in the low lighting, he could see the colouration on his cheeks that the mask would have hidden, and the way his lower lip was a little darker from running his teeth over it.

“You’re always going to be my rival.” Kakashi told him with an exasperated frown.

Gai released his hand and lifted himself up as well, cupping the exposed jaw before him and brushing his thumb over the tiny mole there. It felt a lot like coming home, of finally landing after a free fall, to lean in and press their lips together. The contact was enough to send a rush of heat to his abdomen, a little like the fire he felt when he’d opened the gates. He didn’t know how long they had been dancing around this, but now that it was happening it felt both new and familiar.

Kakashi brought their bodies closer, sliding his arms around Gai’s back and digging his nails in ever so slightly, like Gai would disappear if he didn’t hold him tight enough. Their mouths slid together, trying to find the best angle as Gai slipped his hand further up into the silver strands to cradle his head. The buzzing was all across his body, jumping higher in sensation for every point of contact between them. He didn’t know who changed the kiss first, but the tiny noise Kakashi made was enough to make Gai go chasing after more.

The want was there burning brightly under their skin, but it was nice to ignore it for a while, just get the feel of each other. Kakashi fell back into the pillow, pulling Gai with him even though he would have chased him down either way. He steadied himself with a thigh between Kakashi’s, careful not to jostle his bad leg too much and end the kiss preemptively. It would be something to learn later, over time, how much he could push his body when in moments like this. Now he just wanted to memorize the way Kakashi’s lips felt underneath his, what he liked and didn’t like, how it felt to touch their tongues together.

They parted only a hair’s breadth away to breathe, and Gai didn’t know if he had it in him to wake up from this dream. His other hand was following the curve of Kakashi’s neck, barely skimming over his rapid pulse. When they met again the next few kisses were intense, like something heady building between them and spurring them on further. Kakashi’s hands were at his sides now, feeling up his stomach and the dips between muscle.

The room felt hot, and Gai mouthed along his jaw to his neck, mouth meeting the material of the edge of his mask. He wondered if Kakashi would let him take it off completely, or if it would be too much exposure. He didn’t stop dragging his lips up and down his neck, only pulling away enough to breathe before leaning in and kissing him again. Kakashi was panting loudly and unevenly, and it was a beautiful sound that he never wanted to stop hearing.

They kissed until his lips felt numb, but Gai never pushed any further and Kakashi never indicated that he wanted anything more. Eventually the heat subsided into a slow and syrupy meeting of lips, both of them reluctant to end it. It was Kakashi who broke away, ending with his hand resting on Gai’s chest where it had all began. They had to rearrange so they could both lie on their sides, but eventually it was so comfortable that they began to doze off.

Gai opened his mouth.

“Yes, we are dating.”

Gai grinned and placed one last lingering kiss on his cheek before he settled back and closed his eyes. Unsurprisingly, they both fell into a deep slumber, and didn’t wake till morning

Chapter Text

X

Nearly two weeks passed since the two of them agreed to ‘date’, or the ‘Maito Gai and Hatake Kakashi’ version of dating. It involved half of the evenings they saw each other getting interrupted by ANBU, and the other half disrupted by a wayward student. Nothing happened except a few kisses here and there, and Gai’s insistence that he escort him to work in the mornings and sometimes make him youthful boxed lunches. It was peaceful and exactly like the abstract image he got when he thought of them growing old together. Except with a lot less sex and borderline inappropriate challenges.   

Kakashi also had surprisingly nosey pupils. Naruto in particular had all but flung his front door off the hinges when he got the scroll his sensei had sent out that afternoon. The two of them had been innocently sitting on the couch together but Naruto had covered his eyes and yelled ‘are you two decent?’ in a dramatic fashion. The next night Sai had shown up and blinked at the two of them, clearly assuming that Naruto was messing with him. Sasuke was always the weird one (with Naruto that was saying something). He simply stood outside Kakashi’s window until he opened it and invited him inside. Which only caused the Uchiha to take off into the night like a skittish cat.

Sakura and Tenten were smug but supportive, which left Lee. Kakashi had no idea how that went, but he got off work one day and Gai was sobbing uncontrollably as he read Lee’s letter. It was no doubt full of heartfelt encouragement, so he decided it would probably be better to just leave him alone for the night.

Still, the domesticity was nice, but not overwhelming. Kakashi felt like he was diving into the ocean with no idea if he could sink of swim, yet it felt a lot less daunting knowing Gai was in the water with him. He didn’t think two weeks would come and go so quickly, but every spare second was eaten up until he was staring down his next day off circled on the little calender in his office.

The sound of two people walking down the hall towards his office gave him pause, and he had a moment of contemplating just jumping out the window before he got roped into another meeting. One set of footsteps was sure and brisk, while the other one was a little more measured and careful. He could also hear the small creaking of something moving along with the footfalls, and he lifted his head and stared at the door in confusion.

“He’ll be happy to see you.” The jounin who guarded the front entrance said from the other side of the door, and Kakashi realized the familiar chakra signature immediately. He was just standing up from his desk when the door opened and Gai walked inside.

Maito Gai. Walked. Inside.

Kakashi was around the desk, and he couldn’t be sure he didn’t vault over it, to get to Gai as quickly as possible. “Did you walk all the way here?” He demanded, looking the other man up and down.

How long had it been since Kakashi looked up at him while he was standing? He wasn’t prepared for how much it affected him to see both feet on the ground, and not just hobbling around in the kitchen to grab something from a shelf. For a moment, he regretting everything he ever thought about Tenten being selfish for pushing Gai to use the stupid brace. The sight made his throat tighten with emotion, and he had to mentally steady himself. Gai was grinning at him, so the look of shock on his face must have been obvious. The gentle click of the door closing behind the jounin was barely an afterthought.

“How is your pain?” Kakashi insisted, trying to focus. This is wasn’t about him, it was about Gai .

“It’s fine.” Gai assured him, smiling brightly still. “I walked from the main floor.”

“That’s… a lot of stairs.” Kakashi looked uncertain.

“I have done worse in preparation, believe me.” Gai laughed. “And besides, now I can do this…”

He hooked his finger on the edge of Kakashi’s mask, tugged it down, and then leaned in to kiss him. It was becoming normal now, no longer giving him any sort of anxiety when he wasn’t the one to do it himself. The reward was being able to melt into Gai and kiss him back without worrying about the wheelchair getting in the way. Gai had a thing for cradling Kakashi’s face or hips like he was something precious when they kissed, and it never stopped giving him a bubbling feeling in his gut.

“Kakashi-Sensei!” Sakura made sure to call cheerfully before she threw the door open. Gai had his mask back up and was stepping away from his rival before the two girls were even fully in the room. “We came to pick you up for lunch.” She had a knowing smile on her face, gesturing to Gai. “We thought you’d appreciate us sending him in first.”

“It made it up the stairs okay?” Tenten bustled in, and Gai gave her a Nice Guy Thumbs Up.

“Absolutely Tenten! I feel as though I could do thirty more flights!”

“Okay, well, let’s not and say we did.” She threw him a warning look and then turned to address Kakashi. “Hokage-sama.”

“Tenten-chan.” They nodded their heads to each other like she hadn’t been in his office threatening him less than two weeks ago to get his shit together.

“Lunch?” Sakura offered, redirecting the conversation smoothly. “I only have forty-five minutes until I have to be back at the hospital.”

Kakashi knew Gai had been working on his stamina with the brace, but he had never expected him to walk up the Hokage tower. Even though he dutifully got back into his wheelchair after they made it to the front doors, Kakashi was still blown away by how much the sight meant to him. He didn’t want to stare too much, give Gai any ideas of inadequacies on his part. That was when the thought came to him.

Maybe Gai had been right. It did affect them, but not in the way that he’d been initially dreading. Maybe it was Kakashi’s job to make him feel better about it, instead of pushing him one way or another?

“Hey, Gai?” He asked some time later, interrupting Gai mid-story on their way home from the office. Kakashi had been considering it all afternoon since their students dropped them back off at work. Thankfully, he kept Gai busy with looking over the more amusing of the ‘Mission Scrolls Of Terrible Grammar’ and Kakashi was able to brood over his thoughts in peace.

“Yes, Dear Rival?” The title would always be there, wouldn’t it? Kakashi didn’t want to lose it, no matter how much he’d fought to in the beginning.

“Tomorrow is my day off.” He reminded him leadingly. “What would you say to a challenge?”

Gai swiveled around in his chair to give him a suspicious look. “A challenge?”

Kakashi sighed; the Gai of years ago would have been ecstatic, but this one was much more cautious. It made his decision even more firm.

“Yeah.” He shrugged, putting on an air of nonchalance. “I mean, unless you want to forfeit. That would put me in the lead, though.”

“Ah! You won’t be able to manipulate me so easily!” Gai warned him, slipping carefully into his role. They were still tiptoeing around this part of their relationship, so it made it even more important to get past the hurdle sooner rather than later.

“Okay, then.” Kakashi stopped before the street he would normally turn down to go home. He felt foolish but also a bit giddy. “We can meet at training ground seven. Tomorrow at ten am.” He leaned down and quickly kissed his cheek. “See you then.”

It was the first time Kakashi had initiated something like that outside of one of their apartments, but it felt fitting. Gai was busy that night, going to meet with some of the school teachers after hours to discuss something about lesson plans and dividing up the work between all of them. In all honesty Kakashi had been half paying attention because of the agitated feeling when he’d first told him, but eventually it had passed. They had the entire day off together at least, even if Kakashi had hoped to spend the night before together as well.

The next day brought with it the smell of fresh sun after a heavy rainfall. The pond in the training field was a little higher than normal, but it was besides the point. Kakashi showed up earlier than agreed, wearing one of his custom sleeveless turtlenecks with the mask built in, and the dark blue jounin pants. The wood style jutsu had been taught to him by Tenzo, making several pillars over the water that spanned the entire pond. They were just wide enough for one foot, and sturdy enough that they wouldn’t break when being jumped on at high speeds.

Kakashi wasn’t surprised when Gai showed up at ten am on the dot. What did surprise him was the entourage he brought with him.

“Good Morning, Kakashi!” Gai greeted exuberantly, and with relief Kakashi noticed that he was eyeing the wooden pillars with interest.

“Morning, Gai.” He turned to the others. “Everyone…?”

“Well, Gai-Sensei said he was meeting you here when he came to visit this morning.” Tenten admitted.

“And she told me.” Sakura continued. “And it’s my day off.”

“And she told me!” Naruto grinned.

“Ah.” Kakashi nodded. “And so Naruto told half the village.”

The challenge wasn’t one of the most complicated one’s they’d ever had, but it definitely handicapped the both of them. They were only allowed to attack each other with distance weapons, which meant anything from throwing stars to senbon, but the first to fall into the water lost. They couldn’t attack each other physically, but Kakashi was aware it would be just as physically demanding. Gai did bring his brace, but he wouldn’t have needed it. He was just as strong as ever on the one leg as he was on both, and they’d had one-legged challenges before.

If Gai lost, he had to make Kakashi meals for a month, if Kakashi lost, he had to teach Gai’s next mandatory sex-ed class to the students at the academy. No one wanted that job, but they all agreed to split it evenly among the staff. Gai loved ‘teaching kids about the springtime of youth’, which was why Kakashi was leery he offered it as the ultimatum. Then he added the kicker: Kakashi had to follow his notes, word for word.

“I don’t know if I’d die of embarrassment or laughter.” Kakashi heard Naruto whisper to Tenten and Sakura as the three of them sat together.

“Ugh.” Tenten’s forehead hit her knees that her drawn up to her chest. “God, it’s like getting war flashbacks.”

Kakashi had no doubts about that.

“Shall we?” Gai offered, and the two of them hopped up onto the pillars and started a few spaces away from one another.

Kakashi had the thought of giving them a handful of weapons each, making each shot count and forcing them to try and catch each other’s weapons to keep the challenge moving. Tenten showing up was a blessing in disguise, because she had hundreds of weapons at her disposal and their repertoire quadrupled from the initial amount. Of course, in order to make it more interesting, Gai suggested that people could throw them supplies as well, and Kakashi felt it was almost customary for a simple challenge of theirs to blow up into something like this.

“I mean, obviously Gai-Sensei is going to win.” Tenten goaded Naruto, but she certainly made sure Kakashi could hear her. “ I was his student after all.”  

“Ha! No way! That doesn’t mean he’s good at them.”

The brace looked different again today (did Tenten sleep in-between working on that thing?!), but Gai seemed comfortable keeping off his bad leg for the meantime. Kakashi had a moment of doubt that he wouldn’t cause more harm in the long run, but he quickly banished it from his mind. The whole point of this was that he believed in him, and that he could trust Gai knew his own abilities. They’d been doing this for a long time, and even if Gai had something chronic to live with, it didn’t make him any less of a fighter. It changed him, but it sure as hell didn’t stop him.

After years of watching each other fight, Kakashi still didn’t know who lunged first. They responded to each other instinctually, and so he was very quickly lost in the push and pull of the fight. Gai was just as sharp as ever, targeting the pillars that Kakashi looked like he was going to jump to, or trying to cut him off mid-stride. Meanwhile Kakashi kept pushing Gai to dodge two weapons one right after the other, hoping that it would knock him off balance. Eventually they both started to hear their names being called as weapons were lobbed in their direction.

Tenten didn’t cheat, Gai taught her better than that, but she did come up with some inventive ways to get the weapons to her sensei. Meanwhile Naruto took turns sending weapons off to either of them, being the most invested in the daring dodges and near-misses. Kakashi didn’t know who else arrived after they started, but soon there was a steady shower of weapons coming their way, and he was having a harder time trying to find a pillar that didn’t have a weapon sticking out of it.

He was having fun though, and he was impressed. If Gai was worried at all that he couldn’t keep up with him any more, he was having a hard time showing it around grinning like a maniac. The banter started up soon after they found a dependable rhythm, and Kakashi knew this was what they’d been missing. It didn’t stop the things that happened outside of the rivalry, and they certainly couldn’t do the challenges as much as they used to, but it was a part of them.

Kakashi knew that this was what it meant to meet Gai halfway, a perfect push and pull. The first little bit felt like relearning old steps to a jutsu, but the time after that melted into what could have been minutes or hours. Kakashi didn’t know who was doing it, though he had a sneaking suspicion Tenzo was nearby, but more pillars were popping up every once and awhile. He appreciated it, though, because it allowed him to keep going. He had stepped on one pillar with a kunai sticking out of it and had to jam the blade down by stepping on top of the handle, but it made his perch even more precarious. He focused on removing weapons at one point so he had more places to step.

Gai didn’t look like he was in pain, but he did look as winded as Kakashi felt. Neither of them was going to give the other an inch, but they were reaching into their energy reserves for sure. He had stepped down onto his bad leg once or twice, but it barely phased him enough to flinch and stop.

It wasn’t until Gai landed on a pillar that snapped underneath his weight and the added damage from their weapons that Kakashi made a crucial mistake. Gai was quick to regroup and collect himself, but Kakashi was distracted by it. He made one wrong step, going to use the opening given to him, and pain flared up his foot and made him stumble. His aim went wide, and there was no way to get his footing back with the way his blood made his shoe slippery. The throwing star had sliced deeply, enough to need several stitches.

“Ah hell.” Kakashi swore calmly as he fell into the water.

He’d barely hit the surface before he heard the crash of water displacing beside him. He didn’t need to be saved, obviously, but he let Gai wrap and arm around his waist as they carefully coordinated kicking opposite legs to find their way to the surface. When they broke water it was as though all hell broke loose, and Kakashi blinked in surprise at the sheer number of people who had shown up to watch them. Sure, he’d registered it, but it was still a sight to see. Money was changing hands, people were cheering, and he was pretty sure Sakura was pumping her fist in triumph.

His own student, betraying him like that.  

“Careful.” Gai warned him needlessly. “There’s lots of weapons in the water now…”

“Ah, it feels kind of refreshing, doesn’t it?”

Gai pushed him towards the shoreline with an amused smile. “You’re bleeding into the lake.”

Tenten and Sakura met them at the water’s edge as they hobbled their way to shallow waters. Tenten was lightly chastising her Sensei over the fact that the brace shouldn’t get needlessly wet, but she couldn’t stop beaming. Sakura’s chakra flared to life to heal the very deep, very nasty looking cut that had sliced him from toe to heel. There was a brief moment where he wished they could heal Gai’s leg that easily, that it didn’t seem fair, but it dissipated quickly.

“Sakura-chan.” He narrowed his eyes at her playfully. “You didn’t happen to bet against me, did you?”

“You’ll need to come see me tomorrow to check on that.” She ignored his question completely. “I want to make sure you don’t get an infection from dirty pond water.”

“Yes ma’am.” He saluted lazily.

Gai rolled over in his wheelchair and offered Kakashi a towel, the two of them reminiscent of children as Kakashi smirked lightly beneath his mask and Gai grinned endlessly. People were chatting animatedly around them about the challenge, but Kakashi didn’t pay them any more attention than an occasional noncommittal hum. He felt alive in a way he didn’t realize he missed, but more than that he enjoyed the way Gai’s chest rose and fell quickly as he caught his breath.

Tenten used her jutsu to round up most of the weapons, creating a whirlwind of senbon, kunai, shuriken, and various miscellaneous items and depositing them back on the shoreline. One by one people came up to collect their own, and eventually she summoned one of her scrolls to tuck the unclaimed ones away. The crowd dispersed until only the two of them and their students remained, and they went for a very late lunch.

In the afternoon, the two of them lay on the ground under one of Kakashi’s favourite trees. Gai’s head was on his chest as he stared up at the clouds and Kakashi read his book with one hand tangling lazily in Gai’s ridiculously silky hair. There was a lot that could sour his mood, but it felt far off in another life. Gai’s voice washed over him, commenting on the new book he was writing that was a little less about training and a little closer to poetry. It was filled with flowery words and strange phrases, but he imagined that one day he’d hold the finished product in his hands.

The trek home was slow and lazy, Gai letting Kakashi push him along instead of wheeling beside him. The atmosphere was nice, and later when they both crawled under the covers Kakashi knew they wouldn’t have the energy, or even the urgency, to do anything more than kiss until their lips went blissfully numb.

The next day felt different, but not in a bad way. Staying over at each other’s place wasn’t new, even after they’d started dating, but that morning it felt different. Kakashi was sure there was something itching under his skin, and he spent most of the day distracted with abstract musings. Around mid-afternoon a bouquet of flowers arrived, and instead of exasperated he felt dazed by the sight of them. The buzzing in his gut intensified as he leaned forward and took a careful sniff of the assorted flowers. He didn’t know what any of them meant, but he was sure Gai had put a lot of thought into each individual bloom.

When Gai came to pick him up from work, he brought his wheelchair up to the office, using the newly installed lift. Kakashi had been daydreaming for better part of an hour, and it was already five thirty. The sight of Gai made him feel confused and happy and a little impatient. Instead of leaving the office right away, Kakashi threw off his kage robes and sat astride Gai’s lap, leaning in to kiss him like he’d wanted to all day. He made sure not to lean too much on the right one, but the way Gai met his mouth meant he wasn’t too bothered.

When Kakashi kissed slowly along his jaw, he carefully asked: “How’s your leg today?”

Gai chuckled. “I should be asking you that question. Did Sakura-san check on your foot?”

Kakashi growled low, in a display of irritation. “It’s fine. Seriously-”

Gai leaned back, face full of mischief, thumbs tracing his hips idly. “Are you going to challenge me, again?”

“Well… You could make me dinner.” Kakashi kept a straight face even though his heart had started pounding. “I don’t know if I’m sufficiently wooed enough.” He gestured to the flowers on his desk.

Gai leaned his head back and laughed, and the sound of it made Kakashi smile despite himself. “I don’t think you know what you’re asking for.”

Oh, he really did.

The the time it took them to eat dinner, and then pretend to do anything else while they waited for night to fall, was almost excruciating. The touches they shared casually were now sparked with meaning, and Kakashi didn’t remember anything of the movie they watched. The mundaneness of getting ready to sleep was overwritten by the anticipation, and Kakashi felt a little bewildered by it. Most of his encounters involved a certain degree of detached indifference, and this was nothing like that at all.

He’d figured out Gai was attracted to him a long time ago, and somewhere along their history the attraction started to run both ways. Gai knew, of course, there was no way he didn’t. He would have never asked him on those dates if he didn’t have an inkling, or rather, he wouldn’t have asked more than once. Their relationship had always been like that; Gai following the rules to Kakashi’s dance, moving closer bit by bit. This was what it should have felt like all those months ago; coming together. A push and a yield.

Gai was already in the bed by the time he turned off all the remaining lights and closed the door to the bedroom behind himself. Kakashi slid into the bed slowly, giving them both enough time to adjust to what was about to happen. Instead, they reached for each other before the sheets even settled around his shoulders, and he sank into the kiss. It was not unlike the slow searching kisses they’d shared in the last few weeks, but he could feel the difference with the intention.

Gai was leaning up onto his arm over him, but his hand was warm as it rested low on Kakashi’s belly, making his stomach flutter. He pulled him in closer by the back of his neck, opening his mouth underneath his lips to deepen the kiss. The feeling curled in his abdomen, and his skin prickled in hyper-awareness of the warmth nearby. He knew they should go slow, but the urge to have Gai on top of him, pressing him down into the plush of the mattress, was staggering. He could feel the need in the way his blunt nails dragged across Gai’s scalp, how his body was starting to switch over to instinct.

The soft gasps of breath were quickly swallowed by the silence of the room, and Kakashi groaned quietly when Gai’s hands started to trace every dip and curve. He was pulling him into the fold of his arms, and Kakashi went willingly, lust spiking when Gai nudged a leg between his own so he could fit even closer. Suddenly it was far too warm, and the clothes between them felt itchy on his skin. He dragged his palms up Gai’s chest, and then helped to pull his top over his head and onto the floor beside them somewhere.

“Can I take off your shirt?” Gai asked carefully, kissing at the corner of his mouth.

Kakashi huffed impatiently. “That’s the idea.”

“Your mask is attached.” He reminded him calmly, but the attentiveness of his lips and warmth never wavered.

The surge of affection nearly paralyzed his partner, but Kakashi was aware enough to nod and help Gai get his shirt (and mask) completely off. The only indication to the difference now was the way Gai kissed the beauty mark on his chin, and then continued to trace down his neck. He was reminded how lucky he was to be there with someone he trusted like this, someone he wanted to see his face and make him comfortable enough to take it off. He tilted his head back and let him kiss along the sensitive skin that was untouched by the sun.

When Gai placed a hand on his sternum and rubbed there, he realized how shaky his breath was. It had been a while since he last did something like this. Caught between the war and becoming Hokage, there wasn’t a chance, nor did he feel it was appropriate. He’d made the promise, after all, even if it was to himself and not aloud. Even if Gai didn’t want something like this all the time, it was still enough, and Kakashi didn’t know if he could deny him anything anymore.

Well, within reason.

They tangled together closer, and Gai settled between the cradle of his thighs now, creating a new friction that made him arch for more. They were both touching each other unrestrained, mouths meeting in heavier kisses as the urgency spurred them on. Kakashi didn’t notice when he started to minutely rock up into the hips above him, but Gai laughed breathlessly and stilled him with hands on his hips.

“How far?” He could feel the smile against his lips, with Gai was resting his forehead against his.

“I’d really like you to fuck me.” Kakashi responded, finding the words came out easily and without trepidation.

“You sure?” Gai leaned back, and Kakashi honest to god felt like blushing at the intensity of the stare.

“Yes.” He wanted to roll his eyes, but he knew the taijutsu user wouldn’t accept anything less than sincere acquiescence.

“Okay.” Instead of immediately going to look for some sort of lubrication or protection, Gai leaned back in and started kissing him again.

Eventually they worked up to their previous rhythm, and Gai reached down to slide the tips of his fingers into the elastic band of Kakashi’s pyjama pants. The way he pulled them down, inch by inch, was as maddening as it was sensual. He wanted to buck up and rip them off, but Gai was nothing if not thorough. He licked into his mouth as he dragged his nails down Kakashi’s thighs, just enough that he shuddered and arched his back. With the movement, he skated his hand underneath the small of his back to help pull him up. His pants were discarded over the side of the bed, and when Gai leaned down to bite below his belly button he felt all the air in his lungs rush out of him.

Gai placed his hand on Kakashi’s inner thigh, stroking back and forth right before the place where he needed him to touch the most. He rolled his hips in frustration, but Gai mouthed his way across his hips, sucking bruises into his skin. Kakashi leaned his head back and tried to breathe normally, feeling far too strung out when they had barely just gotten out of their clothes.

“Do you want me to suck you off first?” Gai offered, and Kakashi had to bite back an actual whimper.

The thought was really tempting, but it felt like something he’d like to try later on. Maybe one day he’d have Gai suck him off and then stretch him open when he was lax and over sensitive, but that's another time. This time he had waited long enough to have Gai fuck him. They were years overdue.

“No, just… get undressed.” Kakashi looked down at him and noted he was still half-clothed. “And then get inside me.”

Gai kissed his hip with a smile, and finally leaned over him to rummage around in the bedside drawer for some supplies. “You’re missing a few steps.”

“Well, if you’d hurry up.” He nudged him with a knee in his side, pushing him over onto his back. He threw his leg over top and settled in his lap, grinding down onto the outline of his dick.

“Kakashi.” He admonished lightly, but reached for where the bottle had fallen on the bed in their rearrangement. “Can you come up a bit?”

Obligingly, he unfurled his body along Gai’s draping himself over his chest and kissing him soundly as the cap of the bottle came off. When the cool lubricant met his heated skin he gasped, but Gai massaged his hole for a while until it warmed. When he slipped a finger inside it made the urgency ramp up. He ground back onto the finger, trying to provoke him into putting in another. Gai ignored the wordless plea and worked him open slowly, never letting him speed up the process.

Eventually he was three fingers deep, massaging slow circles against his prostate when Kakashi realized the low moans in the room were coming from his own lungs. He bit his lip and hid is face in the crook of Gai’s neck, rutting shamelessly against him. He was ready a while ago, feeling the fire climbing up inside of him. He could come like this, he realized, cock barely stimulated as he was fucked on Gai’s fingers carefully and methodically.

Gai’s fingers slipped out of him just as he was warming up to the idea, and the cold emptiness of it made him shiver.

“Hey. Can we do this on your knees?” Gai was already maneuvering him up, and he compiled without question. Kakashi spared a thought on if positioning would hurt Gai's leg, but then decided it was probably better to trust him with knowing what would work.

He watched over his shoulder as Gai shed the last article of clothing between them, slipping the condom on himself and using the last bit of lubricant to slick himself up. Kakashi spread his legs a little more and let out a shuddering breath when he felt the tip of him rest right at his entrance. His head hung between his shoulders, eyes squeezed shut as he waited for the eventual breach.

“Okay?” Gai’s hand pulled his cheek to the side, and the tip nudged a little more intently.

“Yeah.” The voice didn’t even sound like his, just something choked out.

When Gai entered him it was slow and smooth, making him gasp and groan around the intrusion and the promises of pleasure it brought. Eventually he bottomed out, and he leaned forward to brace a hand beside Kakashi’s on the bed. Gai curled around his back, and mouthed along his nape, waiting for the initial adjustment to finish. When Kakashi was finally able to loosen his tense muscles, he nodded and tilted his hips back. They both hissed at the sensation, but then Gai rested his forehead against his back and started rocking into him slowly.

“Fuck.” Kakashi had to readjust his hands on the bed. The slow slide wasn’t enough to knock him off balance, but there was something vulnerable and too unspoken about how close they were.

Gai bit down onto his shoulder a little harder than he had before, as if in agreement, but the rocking didn’t stop. His other hand was splayed on his lower abdomen, just holding his hips there, and there was something so intense about it. He could feel the heat from him everywhere they touched, and the hand steadying him was making him hyperfixate on it. Even though they were having sex, the physical intimacy was way more potent than the sexual kind, and Kakashi felt a little like he was drowning in it. They were barely moving enough at all to warrant the hot spike of need, but he could feel it building.

“Gai…” He didn’t know if he wanted him to move faster, or touch him, or bite him harder, or do something else, but be needed more of something. His throat felt like he couldn’t get any words out, not that his brain would even form them. They were building some sort of rhythm, just enough that he wondered if he could keep him on edge like this for hours.

Eventually the pace started to quicken, and Gai naturally floated away from him to brace himself on his hips and fuck him in earnest. He couldn’t stop shaking, his breaths coming out in quick, hot, pants. It felt good, and Gai knew exactly how to angle himself so that every thrust dragged along inside on his prostate. His dick was drooling precum onto the sheets below him, swollen and needy. Still, he was holding onto something that wouldn’t let him tip over the edge. Gai was getting there, he could feel it, but not as close as Kakashi.

“-Kashi…” Gai grunted above him, and he felt like his ears were ringing, blocking out all other sounds except his name on his lips. “Hey, turn over.”

Gai pulled out and flipped him over before he even registered what he was asking, and before Kakashi could protest Gai was sliding back inside of him. He threw his head back, legs wrapping around his waist without much thought. The angle was really good, but he couldn’t meet Gai’s hips like this. He tried to pull his legs off and use them to push himself up but Gai got the hint and leaned forward even more. He wrapped an arm around Kakashi’s lower back, pulling him up into the cradle of his hips as he thrust into him faster and faster.

Kakashi grabbed onto the pillow behind him, body arching up into Gai’s. His nails of the other hand bit into the skin of Gai’s upper back, holding on for dear life.

“I’m close.” He breathed, and Gai kissed the side of his mouth.

“Let go.” He murmured, using his other hand not underneath him to fist Kakashi’s cock and stroke him in time. “I’ve got you.”

It didn’t take long after that for Kakashi’s whole body to seize up, pleasure rocketing through him in waves. His mind went white, and he was faintly aware of making a mess onto both of their stomachs. It was powerful, probably one of the most intense orgasms he’d ever had, and it made his eyes water. His head felt hazy, like the warmth of a drunken stupor, as the pleasure subsided and the bone deep satisfaction settled in. Gai was close, but overstimulation was a ways off. All he could do was wrap both arms around Gai’s shoulders and murmur things he’d probably never say in the light of day.

When Gai came, Kakashi could feel the shudder connecting through their bodies, like he was feeling the weak echoes of it. The sweaty heat on top of him should have been stifling, but Gai had collapsed to the side, so at least he wasn’t completely smothering him. They ended up panting against each other until their breaths evened out and they could form coherent sentences. The first thing that Kakashi was able to think on his own was ‘why the hell didn’t we do that sooner?’ which was then followed up with the response of ‘oh, yeah, ‘cause you’re a fucking moron’.

“What are you thinking?” Gai asked after he'd cleaned them up, disposed of the condom, and returned to prop his head up onto the pillow.

“Just wondering an approximate timeline of how long we could have been having sex for if I wasn’t an emotionally stunted sloth.”

Gai snorted in laughter and immediately covered his mouth as more threatened to slip out. “What?” He wheezed out eventually.

“You asked me out when we were twenty-two.” Kakashi recalled. “So, what, ten years? Give or take?” He sighed. “So many wasted opportunities.”

“I… You were always important to me.” Gai sounded slightly defensive. “And you were always so aloof and cool about it… I really didn’t know for sure until your birthday that year.”

“The drinking contest…” He recalled with a certain amount of dread. “That was when I told you…”

“I believe the phrase was ‘at least you fill out that ridiculous jumpsuit nicely’.” Gai recalled. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to call my Amazing Garment of Ultimate Training and Fashion ‘ridiculous’.” He patted him on the arm consolingly.

“God why am I so into you?” Kakashi wondered aloud, and then turned on his side abruptly. “Why are you so into me ? If it weren’t for me we could have been together years ago.”

Gai gave him a cheesy grin and Kakashi reached for the pillow beneath his head and swatted him with it. “Ugh, don’t say it.”

“If you weren’t for you being you I wouldn’t love you like I do.” Gai said anyways, wrestling the pillow out of Kakashi’s hands.

“I’m going to sleep.” The ex-copy ninja turned onto his side and curled up into a ball.

“You’ll need a pillow.” The taijutsu legend responded cheekily.

A pause, and then. “Give me my pillow and I’ll let you cuddle me.”

“I would have done that anyways, Dearest Rival.”