Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Thunder Eyes, Sad Souls
“And as I’ve aged the only thing I think has changed,
Is that the demons have moved from under my bed,
Into the inner depths of my head.
I can’t escape the ugly things my mind creates,
I speculate that they’ll stay with me ‘til the grave.”
'Can’t Save Myself’ – As It Is.
Magnus sat at the top of the stairs, a book in his hands that he was completely absorbed in until the familiar sound of yelling and shouting came from outside the front door. He sighed at the impossible task of getting any time alone at ‘Sunnyside Children’s Home’, there was always someone fighting or screaming, or crying, he couldn’t remember the last time he was actually alone with his thoughts. Magnus jumped as the front door swung open, it squeaked loudly like it was about to come off its hinges at any moment…it probably was, which wasn’t really surprising considering the dent in the wall from the number of times it had been swung open on it.
“Alec, you need to calm down. This is not the first impression that you want to be making for yourself!”
Magnus recognised the familiar voice of his social worker, Sophie, the only constant in his life since he was 6 years old. He was surprised that she was back so soon, it had barely been a month since her last visit. Although, apparently this time she wasn’t here for him, but for this new kid that at first glance seemed to have the desire to fight with the entire world. Magnus pushed himself up from the step he was on and peeped over the banister, if there was a new kid in the house, he needed to gauge what he was like as quickly as possible, then he could decide if he was a level 10: Must avoid at all costs, or a level 1: Can engage in small talk. Needless to say, there was no one in the house that Magnus classified as more than a level 1, keeping to himself was the only way he could survive.
“I don’t give a fuck about the impression I’m making for myself, I don’t want to be here, so I’m not going to stay!”
The boy, Alec, squared up to Sophie, he looked as though he was a similar age to Magnus, but he was tall for his age and towered over Sophie’s petite figure. Magnus had barely even noticed the presence of Hodge, the man in charge of ‘Sunnyside’, stood with the group until he grabbed the new boys arms and locked them behind his back. Stopping Alec from throwing any unwanted punches. Magnus looked at his watch, 1 minute, he must be the fastest person to get restrained ever, normally the ‘angry ones’ at least gave it a couple of hours before they unleashed their dark side.
“Get your hands off me!” The boy said, twisting around trying to break free of Hodge’s grasp, he had no chance. No one escaped the grasp of Hodge, a military man who trained in martial arts every weekend.
“Alec, you have to calm down. This isn’t helping anyone,” Sophie said, her tone calm, and reassuring, like it always was, but the redness in her cheeks suggested that she was a lot less calm than she was letting on.
“How many times do I have to say it? I’m not staying here! I’m supposed to be with Jace, you said I’d be staying with Jace!”
Sophie looked down on the floor, guilt, Magnus noted. “I’m sorry about that Alec, but you know the deal, sometimes, things just don’t turn out how they were supposed to.”
“This is BULLSHIT!”
“You need to calm down, son,” Hodge inputted, “You’re not getting anywhere with this.” Hodge shifted his position on Alec, stopping him from wriggling about as much as he was before.
“What else am I supposed to do? Just let you isolate me from my family? Izzy and Max get to be together, Jace has been ‘reunited with his birth parents’ which is a load of crap because they gave him up in the first place. What do I get? Nothing! I get shoved in a group home on my own!”
Siblings. That explained the anger, they were always angry whenever they got separated, something that Magnus could understand but would never truly relate to, he’d always been on his own. He watched as Alec continued to try and fight, but it was clear that he was close to giving up, Hodge’s grip took it out of you, and the glassy look in the boy's eyes that were full of thunder suggested that he was about to break. Magnus didn’t want to see that, he’d broke enough times himself, getting involved, or watching anyone else break wasn’t something he needed to experience. He also wasn’t a dickhead and knew that if he was in Alec’s position right now, he wouldn’t want a stranger to be watching him. Magnus turned on the stairs and headed back to his room, maybe his neighbour Kayla had finally stopped with her very, very below average guitar playing.
Magnus breathed a sigh of relief at the quietness that filled his room, arguably it wasn’t that quiet, but it was better than he could have possibly imagined. The out of tune, off-beat guitar playing from the room to his right had stopped and the only remaining sounds came from the 7-year-old twins, Caleb and Tyler, from the room next to him. He didn’t mind that though, they were happy and if they were happy now then hopefully that would carry through till they were Magnus’ age. He headed towards his bed and rearranged the pillows so that they were up against the wall and sat down, bringing his knees up to his chest and opening his book back up.
He continued to read, the words of Toni Morrison taking his mind away to a completely different time, one that was real, but not one that he would ever experience. Although he couldn’t help but notice some parallels, “He just wanted to tear a path away from his parents past, which was also their present and which was threatening to become his present as well.” The words stewed in Magnus’ mind, he may not have parents, but this group home kind of acted like that for him, and there was nothing more that he wanted than to tear away from it. However, like every ‘lifer’, the word they used to describe the kids that had been there forever, Magnus could feel the perils of the system attacking his every being, like his cells that were once fuelled with ambition and dreams were being destroyed and replaced with the reality of what being in care meant for him. It meant no college, no money, a life that was based on survival and not pleasure, all you had to do was a quick google search to find out what happened to kids like him and it was enough to make anyone, never mind Magnus, know that he had no chance. He pushed the quote and his thoughts to the back of his mind and returned to the world that the book had created for him. There was no point dwelling on the inevitable.
There was a knock on the door a few minutes later, at least he’d had some peace and quiet that day, which was more than he could say for most. “Come in,” he said, not putting the book down quite yet. There was still a chance he’d be able to get back to it.
The door opened to reveal Sophie, the familiarities of her appearance providing Magnus with a source of comfort, her hair in the ponytail that she always wore because she wanted it out of her face for practical reasons (little kids were hair pullers) but not too stripped back because she didn’t want to seem ‘uptight’, her summer dress fitting her perfectly, she looked like your stereotypical middle-aged woman with three kids. Which was exactly what she was. “Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?”
Magnus nodded and closed the book, putting it down on the bedside table as Sophie took a seat next to him. “You should be wearing those,” Sophie said, gesturing to the pair of glasses that had remained in their case since the moment Magnus had been given them.
“They look odd on me,” Magnus said, picking up the bottom of his plaid shirt and spinning one of the buttons around on it.
“They’re just for reading, you don’t have to wear them all the time.”
“I don’t know why I can’t have contacts.”
“You don’t need contacts,” Sophie looked at the boy sat next to her, he used to be full of energy as a little boy, eccentric almost, but now as a 16-year old that had been to hell and back a thousand times, there were barely any remnants of the happy go lucky child she’d first met, “What are you reading?”
“Song of Solomon.”
Sophie smiled in approval, Magnus Bane was one of the few teenage boys she knew that genuinely enjoyed reading and not just the books that were on trend either, he liked the classics, she’d even caught him reading Shakespeare for fun a few times. “I love that book. Are you enjoying it?”
“Yeah. It’s good.”
“So, I wanted to ask you a favour.”
Magnus turned his head so that he was looking at her, Sophie’s favours were never really for her but usually had some implied meaning for him, “You do?”
Sophie hummed, “I’ve just bought a new boy to live here, he’s the same age as you-”
“Alec? I saw him when he arrived.”
Sophie bit her lip, that wasn’t a good sign, “Yeah, his name is Alexander Lightwood, he…”
“…Lightwood? Like that family who-”
“-You know I can’t disclose that kind of information Magnus.”
Magnus nodded, it was worth a shot, “What does he have to do with me?”
“Well, he could really do with a friend right now and I was thinking you could maybe show him the ropes around here.”
Magnus shook his head instantly, “No way, no freaking way. Firstly, no, period. Secondly, he broke the record of time it takes to get restrained by Hodge and thirdly, I don’t want to get beaten up here as well as at school…” Sophie looked at Magnus, shocked at his confession, “Fuck,” Magnus said, running his hand through his hair in annoyance at himself.
“You’re getting beaten up at school?”
“No.”
“Magnus, I can have a word…”
“…I don’t need you to have any words, I’m fine. Look at me,” he said putting on a smile for her to try and prove to her that he was, in fact, okay. He was…kind of.
“Maybe, if you made yourself a friend you wouldn’t be a target. Alec’s transferring to your school he could be the perfect person.”
“Friends are pointless.”
Sophie shook her head, “Think about it Magnus, you never know.”
“I’ve thought about it enough.”
“Okay,” Sophie said, knowing Magnus well enough that she knew there was no point in pushing it, “I’ll leave you to Milkman and Guitar then,” she nodded towards the book, “Call me if you need anything,” she finished placing a hand on Magnus’ shoulder as she got up of his bed, “And if you’re going to read, put the glasses on.”
Magnus rolled his eyes as Sophie left the room, waiting for the door to close before he clenched his jaw, picking up a pen from the bedside table and throwing it across the room in frustration. He liked Sophie, he really did, the system however, he hated. It was what had led to his 12th and 13th years being fuelled by a fit of bubbling anger inside of him that almost matched that of Alec’s. It pissed him off knowing that he wouldn’t get to see the one person that potentially cared about him for another few months because he was just her job. Nothing more. For Magnus though, this was his life.
Magnus sighed and threw his body down on the bed which seemed to trigger Kayla from next door to start up with the guitar playing again, which only made him more frustrated than he already was. He rolled over onto his belly and put a cushion over his head, which didn’t seem to muffle out any of the noise. He groaned impatiently hoping it would quieten down, which of course it didn’t, then sighed and got up from the bed and ran along the corridor to the fire escape. He climbed down it, jumping the last few steps as he made sure no one could see him in the kitchen window as he lifted up the grate that led down into the basement. He slid through the hole and onto the pillows that he’d prepared for himself in case he ever landed funny from the drop. He could have just used the steps inside the house, but most of the time the door was locked, he also didn’t want anyone knowing about his secret place. Here he was free to be himself, to read, to put on the eyeliner that he was scared to wear around the house or at school and it was somewhere he could go to cry or scream or let out whatever emotion his brain didn’t allow him to not feel.
He clambered over the pile of disused sports equipment and into the little cubby that he’d made for himself. When you’ve lived in a care home like ‘Sunnyside” for so long you found ways to acquire extra pillows and blankets, he’d even managed to find himself a compact mirror with lights around it. One of the girls probably left it, and he was the first to grab it. Magnus turned it on so there was a dim light, then got out a black kohl eyeliner pencil, holding the mirror up to his eye and starting to apply it.
Alec’s new bedroom was at the corner of the house, which meant he had two windows, one facing out the back to a load of trees and one looking out onto the fire escape. Which was why his attention couldn’t help but be drawn to heavy footsteps running down the corridor followed by a slight figure flying down the fire escape. He got up from his bed and looked out the window, watching as the boy who looked similar to his own age lifted up a grate and disappeared down the hole, it was enough to interest him as he left his room and followed the boy's tracks.
Once in what he had come to find out was the basement of the group home Alec noticed a dim light coming from the far corner. He swallowed, he wasn’t really a nervous person, not anymore anyway, but he suddenly felt as though he was intruding on something private. He didn’t let it stop him though as he made his way through the dusty sports equipment towards the figure hiding in the shadows that were coming closer towards him.
Magnus looked up, startled by the presence of the new boy and shocked that he’d found his secret hiding place within an hour of him being there. His hands shook slightly as he packed away his things and took out a makeup wipe, not wanting anyone else in the house to see him. It was bad enough that Alec already had.
“What are you doing?” Alec said, confused as to why the boy had gone into a complete panic.
“I’ll be gone in a second. I just need to-” Magnus said, starting to wipe his eyes.
Alec raised his eyebrows, “Why are you taking it off? It looks good,” he said his words honest and truthful in a way that Magnus hadn’t experienced before and certainly wasn’t expecting from a boy that he’d just seen lose his shit.
“The others won’t think that. I-I’ll go,” he said standing up, the last thing he wanted was to be in the way of Alec if he was in a bad mood.
“I followed you here, you don’t have to go. This is your spot, right? If anyone’s going to go it should be me.”
Something stopped Magnus from leaving the basement, he wasn’t sure what it was, whether it was the pull of Alec’s hazel eyes or the honest expression on his face or the fact that he was the first person to see him in eyeliner in years and he hadn’t even batted an eyelid. “You can stay,” Magnus said, sliding back down the wall.
“What’s your name?” Alec said, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the boy that was only a tiny bit shorter than himself but seemed a whole lot smaller when he was sat hunched up like that, a solemn expression on his face.
“Magnus.”
Alec nodded, “I’m-”
“Alexander Lightwood, Sophie told me.”
“Of course she did,” Alec said rolling his eyes, they hadn’t exactly gotten off to a good start, although his old social worker had asked for his family to be transferred to someone else. So at least Sophie hadn’t entirely given up on them.
“She’s a good person. She’s just doing her job.”
Alec felt the ever so familiar feeling of anger bubble up for a second before he knocked it down, this wasn’t the time. “How long have you been here?”
Magnus looked down at his hands, it was obvious that Alec had never been in a group home before, the golden rule was and always had been that you didn’t ask about anyone’s past, or how long they’d been there. It only ever led to fights, upset, anger, people didn’t like to talk about why they were there or the possibility of being there forever, so no one talked about it and that was that. Alec though, well apparently he didn’t know that.
“A while,” Magnus whispered, 5 years was scary to say out loud. It always would be. His 11-year-old self would have been terrified to find out that he’d still be there when he was 16.
“That was vague, you been in care long?”
Magnus swallowed, he wasn’t used to so much interaction never mind so many personal questions, this was Sophie’s job, not some random boys. His mind flicked back to the stories that were in the papers about the Lightwood’s, that must have been about 2 or 3 years ago now, it was nothing compared to the time Magnus had under his belt. “You’ve never been in a group home before have you?”
Alec furrowed his brow, “No, why?”
Magnus nodded, “I didn’t think so,” he paused for a moment, “Listen, I normally keep myself to myself, I don’t speak to anyone around here so don’t think we’re friends or anything because I’m talking to you right now.” Magnus had no idea where the confidence was coming from, he felt as though he was 13 again, mouthing off at everyone not being afraid to speak his mind, it was different but also kind of refreshing. “You can’t go around asking people about how long they’ve been here, or in care, or whatever. It sets them off, you’ll get yourself in more fights and restraints than you need to be in, talk to people, that’s fine. Just not about that.”
“Thanks…I think,” Alec said, watching as the boy crumpled up the makeup wipe and put it in a carrier bag, “I’m sorry if-”
“Dinner’s in 10. If you want anything decent you should get there now.” Magnus interrupted, standing up and heading out of the basement without another word.
Alec sat in silence for a few minutes, bemused at how Magnus had gone from panicked and scared to telling him what the rules were in this place in seconds. He seemed like a nice person, like someone that he could trust but he’d made it pretty clear that he wasn’t looking for a friend. Alec, on the other hand, was looking for a friend, he was looking for anyone that would mask the intense feeling of loneliness that he couldn’t seem to shake, and Magnus was the first person to speak to him. He would be a tough nut to crack, but he knew that he would get on with him, that if he could break down a few of Magnus’ walls then maybe they could actually become good friends.