Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This was, beat for beat, a nightmare scenario.

One straight out of Austin’s anxious imagination, so perfect it was almost uncanny. Beat for beat, which really didn’t help at all that his anxious thoughts were usually, meant to be unreasonable. Every single one.

The trip was sprung on him by his family, which was already bad enough. A little boat ride for no foreseeable reason other than freaking him out. Alright.

Then it turned out that the boat was garbage, and broke down in the middle of the ocean, glimpses of land barely visible on the horizon. And that apparently, the water was infested with sharks. And that apparently, they knew it was going to rain, but didn’t call off the ride. And that apparently, none of this was a big deal to his family. Oh God.

Maybe he had his disagreements with his family, especially his brother, but they knew him. They knew how bad his anxiety could get, and he had specifically told his brother about his nightmares, of sharks and the ocean and dying. He knew, they all knew. Austin knew that his anxiety was kicking in again, even outside of the whole fear of dying thing, because they had to have known, right? They did this to mess with him, didn’t they? Why, what did he do, did he do something?

He didn’t really know what was happening. He was panicking, it was dark and stormy, the waves were rough and his nerves were on fire, barely able to keep himself on his feet.

Presumably, he couldn’t keep himself on his feet. He couldn’t quite remember what happened, but he must have lost his balance, or something. Just like his nightmares, beat for beat. His last moments, panicked and scared and stupid.

Except… his last moments never came. Somehow, the actual death evaded him. Being pummeled by the waves, being swarmed and attacked by sharks, the act of drowning itself, all mysteriously absent.

He couldn’t remember what happened after he fell, but somehow, he was alive. Alive, here, although he wasn’t sure exactly where “here” was, on dry land. Well, not exactly dry, the sensation of sinking into the wet sand was one of the first he noticed, but he was on the shore. Alive. And weirdly, only barely sprinkling at this point. Out of the water, in air, coughing up swallowed saltwater and catching his breath. He knew in the back of his mind that it was impossible, but he focused on breathing and not being actively in pain first.

His memory had always been garbage, but it especially failed him now. He tried to think back to that one poster he saw somewhere, some time, calming rituals or something. Something told him this wasn’t really going to work. The most specific memory he could conjure up was the part about breathing, which he was already working on, thanks. In for something, hold for however long, out for whatever. It was vague and barely useful, but he supposed it was better than nothing.

Austin closed his eyes.

In… and out.

It’s okay.

Once he opened his eyes again, he immediately felt the panic closing in on him again. Because no, it’s not okay. He still didn’t know where he was, and seeing nothing but dark clouds over the ocean, endless sand and distant trees really didn’t help him. How did he even get here in the first place? He… He washed up, right? He thought that only happened in movies. And they were so far from land, how did he…

Stranded. He had to be. He knew there weren’t any islands, but how else could he have washed up if they were so far from where they came from? He had to be stranded. Lost, alone in the wilderness. Oh God. Oh God-

Thoughts of being stranded were still buzzing in his mind as he sat up, taking a closer look at his surroundings, when they were suddenly silenced... replaced only with oh my GOD.

This was so much worse than being stranded. Or washing up simply by the sea’s mercy, left to fend for himself. It made much more sense, but also so much less. The longer he stared, the less he could comprehend it, and he felt like he was going to cry.

He was rescued. By… something.

A… A mermaid. Merman. But a shark. Sharkman? Sharkboy? No, that’s something else entirely. Mershark. Mer…

Whatever it was, just looking at it from several feet away tapped directly into a sense of primal fear, irrational phobia made much too rational. The memory of the nightmares, the idea that he was being toyed with, and that oh God he was going to die. Whatever it was, its eyes were just as wide as Austin’s, its mouth clamped shut like it was deliberately hiding something. Its teeth. Oh God…

Whatever it was, short wetted down hair was barely kept out of its eyes, its eyes obviously faking fear, but still bright in a way Austin couldn’t quite explain. It had a thin beard, somehow, and high cheekbones dotted with little grey markings, trailing down his chest and leading to his tail. Gills, fins, and a tail. If there was ever any question that this thing might be human, there wasn’t anymore. Austin was way out of his league.

But for some reason, before Austin could scream or say anything, the creature shot him an almost apologetic glance and dove, disappearing back into the waves.

…

This was bad. This was worse than if the creature had stayed and killed him. Now he was alone, stranded, with no idea where he was or where to go. Alone, left for dead, lost and out in the wilderness, going to die. No, the creature was never really there, was it? He was going insane. He was already dead, or he was going to die. Something… something bad.

He could feel the panic closing in on him again. In the absence of the specific terror the creature gave him, a much larger sense of dread settled in. He had just caught his breath, but he could feel himself losing it again, and his heart pounded in his ears, the rhythm ominous and unbearable. He was shivering, and not just because he was soaked, tears coming to his eyes that he was powerless to stop, inconsolable. The waves and wind seemed deafeningly loud, screaming, and in trying to escape it he pulled his knees to his chest, burying himself in his arms and sobbing.

This was bad. If he had any chance of figuring out where he was or finding civilization, he didn't anymore. Not until this passed, if it passed. If he ran out of tears and the vice around his chest relinquished its grip, which he doubted it would. He couldn't think, couldn't do anything but sob and feel his own grip on reality, logic, and pain slowly but steadily slipping. He had a feeling he would be dehydrated after this, and that would only kill him quicker. No matter how bad he wanted to stop and just try, he couldn't.

Until that same, specific terror returned, and silenced every other thought.

The sound of the waves still roared in Austin's ears, but the new sound of unusual splashing caught his attention. He looked up through tear-filled eyes, and knew even though his vision was blurry, the creature was back.

He was going crazy, or dreaming. Dead, or about to be. Because this couldn't be happening. None of this could be happening.

"I… Okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

That… that definitely wasn't the voice Austin expected out of this dangerous, murderous creature. Definitely not a sentence he expected either. He expected something deeper, maybe something seductive or masking malice. Something like "Oh, you poor thing, all alone. Won't you come with me?"

But this was neither of those things. Its voice was high and gentle, almost silvery, in a way that Austin really didn't want to think about right now. Maybe this was seduction, masking malice, and Austin was falling for it, hook line and sinker.

At this point, Austin didn't really care. He wanted to go home. He wanted to stop crying. He just wanted this to end.

Austin rubbed his eyes, taking a better look at the creature, and found it still a good distance away from him, its lower body hidden in the water. It held its hands out in front of it, as if Austin was the wild animal being calmed, its brow furrowed and its eyes still wide and apologetic.

Austin couldn't find anything within himself to say. He had a feeling his voice would give out on him if he tried, given he was still actively crying.

"Okay, I'm gonna come onto the shore, just for a second, 'cause I got something for you. Then I'll come back to right where I am right now, and we can talk, if you want. You can move if you want."

Austin was suspicious from the get-go. For one, its hands were empty, as it was just using them to try to calm him. Two, he had no idea what it wanted to give him and how it could help in any way. And three, he wanted this thing gone, as far away from him as possible. Because this was not how he wanted to die.

The creature scooted forward, and Austin didn't have the time or energy to move. It emptied a little pouch strapped to its waist, and retreated, making good on its promise.

Reluctantly, mindlessly, Austin scooted towards the pile, feeling the creature's eyes on him.

…

Well, now he was just even more confused.

The pile consisted of some pretty, surprisingly colorful seashells, a couple nicely rounded pebbles, and several pearls, it seemed.

Austin didn't understand at all.

"W-why...?"

The creature curled in on itself, looking away as if it was embarrassed.

"I thought it might… cheer you up?"

Austin simply sat there, staring dumbly, barely breathing.

"Whenever I'm sad, I go looking for seashells, or pearls. Or just look at the ones I have. 'Cause they're pretty and they take my mind off whatever I'm thinking about, so I thought…"

The creature trailed off, and Austin took one of the little conch shells into his hands, making fleeting, paranoid glances at the creature as he analyzed it. Maybe it was the light, or he was still going crazy, but it seemed opalescent. The creature had supposedly explained itself, but Austin still couldn't comprehend why.

His lips were pulled into a small smile as he analyzed the seashell, and he spoke mindlessly.

"Thanks."

He didn't know why he wasn't crying anymore, if he was crying in the first place out of fear. He didn't know why he was smiling. Why he was alive. Maybe this was all a subconscious bid for his life, playing along with the creature's game hoping to be spared, still believing in the back of his mind that this creature could easily kill him, and wanted to.

It had to be that. No other option made sense, other than maybe he was still going insane. Because he definitely wasn't actually feeling better, or actually trusting this creature. No, no, never.

None of this made sense. This was all he had.

"How… how did you know I was sad?" Austin asked, with low expectations. He expected something like "This always happens," or "I knew you'd need my help, honey," but he still heard it in his head in a voice that did not match the creature in front of him in any way. Austin still struggled to pin down what he was feeling, because he wasn't even sure if it was still fear.

"I… This is gonna sound weird, but… I, like, felt you crying."

…

What?

"I- I- I know that's weird, but-" The creature stammered, clearly noticing the storm raging on in Austin's head. "I don't know, it's a thing. 'Cause like- the saltwater, or something. I don't know, but it's how I found you in the first place."

Austin set aside the absurdity of the entire concept and focused on the part where it said it "found him." His mind wandered back to the boat, the blur of panic and paranoia, hyperventilating and his tears mixing with the rain. He… he was crying.

"You… So you did rescue me," Austin stated, as if there was ever any doubt. The creature's face lit up and nodded, grinning widely, bearing an… uncomfortable amount of teeth.

Austin had no idea if it was a taunt, a threat, or if it was just innocently smiling, but he knew better than ever that he didn't want to be within biting range of this thing.

Still, he didn't feel nearly as terrified anymore. The creature kept its distance, spoke gently, and the longer Austin stared, the easier it got…

Ignore that thought. But the creature did save his life, and brought him some shells and rocks to try to cheer him up, which the more he thought about it, was adorable. Austin didn't know what he was thinking anymore, but he knew something was changing, as the pronoun referring to the creature shifted from it to him.

He knew the creature was still, obviously dangerous, but he felt… safe. For now, at least.

"Um… thanks," Austin said, shrugging and putting on a slightly unsteady smile. The creature smiled back, seeming to relax.

"No problem," he replied, glancing behind himself. "You okay now?"

"Uh- Y-yeah, but wait-" Austin stammered, scooting forward and much closer to the creature than he thought he really should be. The creature moved onto his stomach, resting his head in his hands and looking up at Austin, a gesture he knew should be dangerous, and yet…

Austin knew he shouldn't be this close to the creature, but all of his fears slipped away when something much more irrational than all of his fears hijacked his thoughts; That he was adorable. The fins on his back poked out of the water, and although they seemed just as rough as regular shark skin, the grey patches against pale skin were strangely pretty. Up close, his eyes were just as bright, especially now that he was smiling, eyes blue enough to swim in-

"Yeah?" He said, breaking Austin out of his momentary trance.

"Uh- Do you happen to know where- uh- the nearest… people are? 'Cause I should probably let somebody know I'm not dead…"

Austin braced himself for the creature to not let him go, for that concept of some scary, seductive siren to finally kick in and say "Oh, darling, don't leave so soon." Deep down, he really only wanted release from this tension, from not knowing who to trust. Truly, he wanted freedom from the idea that wormed its way into his mind that this creature wasn't like the sharks he obsessed over in his anxious daydreams, that he was nice and wouldn't hurt him, that worst of all, he was cute.

"Oh, yeah-" the creature chirped, pointing to Austin's right. "Head that way, we're not far from Northbrook, then you can ask around." The creature smiled, and while the teeth still caught him off guard, it implied some honest sense of caring, which terrified Austin more than any murderous sharks or drowning ever could.

"... Thank you."

The creature smiled a little wider, Austin's hang-up about the teeth slowly fading, the feeling growing much fonder, and clearly much dumber. Like a cat with claws, or a grizzly bear, with their little noses and ears and what not; maybe this was human nature. Even so, comparing this creature to a predator or something dangerous didn't quite sit well with him anymore.

He saved his life, after all.

"No problem, just…" the creature said, moving onto his back and being pulled along with the waves. "If you're going now, if you want- I mean, if you live near here, I'd like to… see you again?"

"I…" Austin trailed off, picking up the pile of comforts and struggling to his feet, his muscles sore and his head still a mess. "I'd like that."

Austin knew he should have said no. Or, at least, meant no. He should have seen it for the con it was, a long game, the creature toying with him for as long as possible until he inevitably gets bored and kills him. But for some reason deep down in himself, one that he didn't fully understand, he didn't. He was alive, for now, and this creature was the reason why. Along with how kind and gentle he seemed, and how when he smiled, something inside Austin seemed to melt, against all odds, Austin trusted him.

"You sure you don't want this back?" Austin asked, holding his hands closer to the creature. The creature frowned, shaking his head.

"No, no, keep it. I've got tons."

With that, Austin brought his hands closer to his chest, wishing he had pockets.

"Uh- Alright, uh- Thank you, but-" Austin stuttered, oddly eager for the creature not to leave yet. "Is there anything I can call you? Like- A name, I mean a name. 'Cause I feel like I should call you something other than…" Austin hesitated, having a feeling the creature wouldn't take too kindly to being simply called a creature. "I don't know, a guy."

The creature had been pulled along by the waves, but he pushed himself back to the shore, laying on his stomach again, the eyes he was giving Austin oddly… what's the word?

… Kind?

"Oh, you can call me Jeff. You?"

"Austin," he replied, much more reluctant to leave now, although he still had no idea why.

"... Austin. Guess I'll see you around," Jeff stated, smiling as he retreated back into the waves. He took one last glance at Austin before diving back in, the carefree feeling of his movements strangely captivating to Austin.

"Take care, Austin."

With that, Jeff dove, leaving Austin with a handful of shells and a hell of a story.

But even with the uncertainty of the future when it came to how the hell he would explain himself, the encounter still left Austin feeling light, buzzing with adrenaline, wonder, and… another feeling he couldn't quite name.

Even now, the dark clouds over the sea seemed to be clearing up.

Chapter Text

The TV flickered, buzzing in an empty room, logos and bright colors flashing erratically.

DA17 - Jeremiah 1:9 ESV

District of Asagao News

A repetitive tempo blared as the logos and graphics transitioned to a reporter supposedly on the scene, wind screaming in the microphone. She stuck out in the dark scene, wearing nearly all red, and long brown hair repeatedly blew into her face. While a bit difficult to make out, and after a momentary pause, she spoke:

"Today, it might seem like a nice evening on the beach, maybe a good time for surfing or even sailing- But only yesterday, it certainly wasn't for Asagao resident, 16 year old Austin Hargrave and his family."

The wind and the nearly deafening ocean waves threatened to overpower the reporter's voice, but unfortunately, her voice powered through.

"On an impromptu ocean tour, unforeseen weather circumstances, and we're told an anxiety attack led to the boy falling from the side of the boat, vanishing into the sea."

The screen transitioned to pictures of Austin, the reporter still speaking over them. His school portrait, two in his soccer uniform, a family portrait from last Christmas with the rest of his family blurred out, and what looked like it might have been Easter from much longer ago. He looked about what, thirteen?

"However," The reporter paused, swallowing, muttering under her breath something like glory be. "God does not easily give up on his children so easily. Around 5:30PM in Northbrook, merely an hour after the estimated time of his disappearance, Austin Hargrave was found alive; unharmed, but soaked, shivering, and stumbling, asking for help."

The screen switched back to the reporter, now smiling, the light from the cameraman highlighting the slightest glint in her eyes, as if she was near tears, moved by the story.

"The boy claimed not to remember the incident, only that he had seen 'an angel' and woken up on the shore, revitalized. When questioned on what he saw, he only said 'a light,' followed by a series of vague hand gestures, then finally breaking into tears."

The screen switched again, various artist renditions of "angels" fading in and out, soft orchestral music kicking in quietly in the background. Even with the camera off her, it was still clear the reporter was moved, her voice faltering slightly.

"Now, it's clear to see this boy was rescued by the mercy of the Lord himself, given a second chance to defeat the demons in his mind that condemned him to such a fate in the first place. His glory, His… His grace, and His mercy truly knows no bounds."

The camera switched back to the reporter, taking a moment to compose herself again.

"Twenty minutes after Austin was found, he was reunited with his family and brought back home to Asagao, warm and safe. Let this be a testament to His power, that even here in Asagao, miracles happen often, nearly every day. May God bless the Hargrave family, and may God bless you all. Back to you, Saitomo."

The screen finally returned to an older man, inside and free from the grating sound of wind blowing against the microphone. He continued the broadcast, the empty room now deaf to his words.

---

Stewart knew, these last few days were enough adrenaline for an entire month. That given, this was the last place he should be.

Even during the incident itself, he felt oddly calm. Even when his mind was screaming at him, Jesus Christ, where did he go, oh my God he's going to die, all of the fear and panic settled into a dull pounding in his chest, maybe because he knew there was nothing he could do. He could alert his parents and yell at the captain to do something, but he was terrifyingly, inevitably helpless when it came to truly saving him.

And when Austin somehow survived, reuniting with him on the shore felt just as overwhelmingly dull. Hugging him, Stewart barely felt the touch, as if he wasn't really in his body. Blood pounded in his ears every second since Austin's fall, on the car ride home, talking in front of the news people, watching Austin act the shit out of his testimony, watching everyone eat it up, even in the safety of his own home. He wondered if this was what getting possessed felt like, or if he was going crazy. Maybe he was going into shock, maybe he was the one dying.

He never really figured out what was happening to him, but he hadn't died of cardiac arrest yet, and he was still mostly capable of critical thought. Still, only mostly, since he was here. But relatively, he was fine.

Stepping towards a campfire on the beach, a single beacon of light in the evening, his heart pounded in a slightly different way. This time it felt heavier, preemptively losing his breath, trembling hands shoved into his pockets. He was surprised his parents even let him leave, although he supposed he wasn't the one his they were worried about. He knew he should be back home, recovering, getting some rest or playing a game to calm his nerves. Staring at the TV or the ceiling, putting salt in his cuts or something. Anything but this.

And yet, here he was, a new kind of anticipation and adrenaline pumping through his veins. He knew it probably wasn't helping that he was back on the beach, but he attributed the feeling almost entirely to the person.

As he got closer, a figure came into view, sitting in a kitschy lawn chair and warming his hands by the fire.

Stewart felt his pulse quickening, his hands trembling in his pockets, losing his breath. But with every passing step, he pushed down the feeling.

Dean… Stewart wasn't sure what his real last name was, actually. When asked, he said it was Elazab, but he seemed oddly unsure. But whatever it was, Dean Elazab, the drifter kid who practically lived at this one spot on the beach, was an acquaintance at best. No reason to be freaking out like this.

…

(And oh, they were certainly acquainted.)

Stewart took a breath, closing his eyes for a moment, banishing the feeling. Get it together, Mcjones.

His feet still carried him closer, against what his mind screamed at him. Closer, and closer, until it was inevitable that Dean would notice.

One step closer, and Dean turned, the fire behind him lighting him like a halo, so heavenly- stop it. Stop.

"Oh- Mcjones!"

Before Stewart had the chance to get himself together, to push down his emotions again or move away from him entirely, Dean was on his feet and closer than Stewart was ready for.

"Hey," Dean spoke again, softer than Stewart would have ever expected out of him.

Just as quickly, a delicate touch pulled Stewart's hands out of his pockets and into Dean's own, so gentle and cautious that it made him want to scream. Stewart closed his eyes, hoping that might somehow make this entire situation disappear, knowing that never in a million years would he be truly prepared for something like this. He wondered if this is what Austin felt like whenever he had an anxiety attack, inconsolable fear and unshakable dread, the cause entirely unreasonable.

Although, at least here, the cause wasn't entirely unreasonable. Well…

Stewart felt like he was going to pass out.

"Hey," Stewart replied, trying his hardest to sound unaffected by the way Dean was holding him, by the tone of his voice, by… everything, really.

Dean frowned at him, clearly seeing right through him.

Wordlessly, Dean pulled him closer to the fire, making him sit in the second chair and never letting go of his hands. Stewart couldn't quite make out the look in Dean's eyes. Maybe it was obstructed by his glasses or the glare from the fire, but all Stewart could see was that it was intense, their scenery more appropriate than he had thought. Determination, maybe?

"Okay, I… I'm not gonna ask you if you're okay."

Stewart's heart sank, preemptively knowing where this was going.

"Uh… why not?"

"Wh- 'cause I heard what happened, Mcjones," Dean said, the tone in his voice all too gentle and caring for the loud, brash boy he knew, and Stewart wasn't at all ready for those implications.

"Fuck, you're kidding me."

"I did!" Dean squawked, a tinge of laughter and a feeling stronger than just pity rising in his voice. It terrified Stewart. "I was just- riding through town, and I caught it in one of the windows."

"Since when do you do that?"

"I still need, like- food, Mcjones."

"I thought you were out here living off the land or something."

"Whatever I- I just… I had a feeling something was wrong."

Stewart wasn't quite sure what it was, but something inside himself gave him the sensation of unraveling. Either he was relaxing, or his composure was fraying at the edges, his semblance of being fine tearing at the seams. If he was a piece of fabric, Dean was a new pair of fabric scissors straight from JoAnn's, and oh so skillfully wielded.

"You're an idiot."

"I was right," Dean stated, and Stewart knew in the back of his mind that Dean was right, too. "I said I wasn't gonna ask if you were okay 'cause I know you're not."

Inside of Stewart, something ripped. Maybe it was his heart.

"D-Dean, really, I'm-"

"Don't even try it."

"Really, it all turned out fine, he's okay. I'm fine."

"Doesn't mean you're okay. I'd be upset if that happened to me, or someone I cared about, too."

God fucking damn it, Dean always sees right through him.

"Bold of you to assume I care about him."

"I said, don't even try it," Dean said, his voice rising, almost angry. There was comfort in the fact that he was reverting back to the Dean he knew, but that was quickly taken away by the knowledge that the Dean he knew was… volatile, to say the least. "You always act like- like you don't feel anything, like you don't care about anyone, like you're just some emotionless, heartless husk of an asshole who doesn't even know what he wants."

Stewart went cold, swallowing harshly and trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

"Who's to say I'm not?"

"Me. I know you're fucking not. And it's not good for you to act like you are, to keep everything bottled up, and… I just need you to know you can talk to me, Mcjones."

Stewart shivered, Dean's words getting under his skin. He knew he was right, but it wasn't easy to accept.

"Still doesn't explain why you think I'm not okay."

"Oh my fucking God," Dean huffed, scooting his chair closer to him, very forcibly holding their entwined fingers up in between them. "You're not because you're a fucking person, Stewart."

"Don't call me that."

"See? Emotion!" Dean chirped, as if it was some kind of victory. Stewart refused to think about it for long enough to realize that it kind of was. "You're an asshole, but you're not completely heartless. I know you like reading, and that one TV show with that guy that's trapped in the TV, and your fucking dorky board games-"

"Hey, they're not dorky-"

"And you look out for your little brother, even though you think he's a little shit and you fight all the time, 'cause you know this town is poison and you don't want him to go through the same shit you went through alone."

Stewart's blood ran cold, tears pricking behind his eyes that he was desperate to keep down, the sensation of being strangled. If he was a piece of fabric, he was on fucking fire.

"It's not that I think he's a little shit, he is a little shit," Stewart mumbled, afraid to look at Dean directly. Even so, he could tell Dean was grinning.

"Uh-huh. And if you were so emotionless, so heartless, you wouldn't be here now. With me."

Fuck, that's the one feeling Stewart is the least ready for.

"Hey, maybe I just like the beach-"

Dean cut him off, taking his hands back out of Stewart's grip and using them to pull him in, smashing their lips together. This was a different kind of overwhelming, nothing like how he felt on the boat, his stomach filling with butterflies and his internal monologue of fear and denial being replaced with holy shit, oh my God, holy shit.

This wasn't their first kiss, not even close. But something about Dean always makes it feel like it is. Maybe it's how Dean kisses him, slow and long, rhythmic in the way his lips move against his own, purposeful in every movement. Or maybe it's simply Dean himself, already so fond and familiar like a childhood friend, like the person Stewart's been waiting for all along. Maybe that has to do with the fact that he's the first guy Stewart's ever been with, that this is the first real love he's had.

Maybe it's himself; that Dean was right, that he doesn't know how to process his own emotions, that he knows that his parents and everyone, really would kill him if they found out about this. That any second now, they could get caught. Maybe it's that he loses those fears when he's kissing him, only for them to come rushing back as soon as they part.

Dean pulled away, grinning while Stewart gasped for air, slowly building up the strength to open his eyes.

"Mm-hm." Dean leaned back in his chair, the look he was giving Stewart mischievous, flirtatious and terrifying. "I think you felt that."

Stewart knew his face had to be bright red right now, hiding his face in his hands and sighing.

"Please tell me you didn't do that just to prove your point."

"Not entirely, no," Dean teased, absentmindedly fixing his hair. "I just need you to understand you're not heartless, okay? You can talk to me, and even if you don't want to, you need to at least admit that to yourself. Okay?"

"You're an asshole," Stewart grumbled through his hands.

"And you got a Ph.D in being a fucking dumbass," Dean retorted, coming in close again, gently pulling his hands away from his face.

"Yeah, worked real hard for it."

Stewart had no idea why he was smiling, bordering on laughter. He supposed that's what Dean was trying to pound into his skull all this time, that he didn't need to suppress those feelings or try to figure out why, when there truly was no good reason. Simply accepting them as they came was what he had to do.

Not that it still didn't scare the shit out of him.

"I just need you to say yes."

"Fine."

"Okay, fuck," Dean said, a little louder than Stewart was really comfortable with. "There. You wanna go back to making out now?"

"W-wait, but wh-"

"Nobody's gonna catch us."

"They might, this is a fucking public space-"

"Then I'll take the fall, alright?" Dean leaned in a little closer, his pointer finger tracing circles on Stewart's chest. "Say I seduced you. That I'm an evil, whorish sea-witch that crawled out from the depths of hell to instill unholy thoughts in your mind, but all you need is a little prayer and love from God to set you straight-"

"Please, just shut up," Stewart interrupted, having been easily convinced, and not wanting to even think about what the town would do with Dean.

"As you wish," Dean declared, pulling Stewart back in.

---

At some point, they ended up on the ground, sharing a measly towel that couldn't save them from becoming inevitably becoming sandy as all hell. It was only slightly more comfortable than the chairs, and Dean wanted to cuddle, his head on Stewart's chest.

It was more comfortable than Stewart would have really liked it to be.

Dean watched the slowly dying fire, feeling Stewart breathe as he stared up at the stars. It really was too comfortable, enough to make Stewart lose himself, enough to make him say something reckless, still reeling from the entire… experience.

"We should make smores or somethin'-"

"It was terrifying."

Dean bolted up, eyes wide and overly worried about, no, excited that they had spoken at the same time.

"Oh- I- I'm sorry-"

"No, no, it's fine," Dean reassured, moving onto his side and staring at Stewart. "I was just saying we should have smores or whatever, it- it doesn't matter. What were you saying?"

"I…" Stewart sighed, knowing he had already started, and there was no way Dean would let him back down now. "It was terrifying. The thing with…"

Stewart found himself looking up at Dean, his eyes kind and gentle again, slowly brushing Stewart's hair out of his face. The gesture instilled a strange sense of courage in him, as if Dean was telling him to go on.

"Yeah, I just… I didn't really understand what was happening. I was just so overwhelmed, and confused, and… I almost wanted to dive in after him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to save him, and a-at worst, I would get myself killed, I just felt so… helpless. I think all of us did."

Stewart took a breath, opening his eyes to find Dean still giving him that look, honest caring backed by fire and commitment.

"Sit up," Dean ordered.

Stewart did so, and Dean quickly scooted in closer, wrapping his arms around him, slowly stroking his back with his thumbs.

He remained silent, so Stewart had no choice but to go on.

"Even now, I… I still don't get it. Like, he acted like he was rescued by an angel or whatever, it was fucking bullshit, and I know he was just trying to get everyone else off his back but it still doesn't make sense."

"How do you know he wasn't?"

"He- 'cause… He learned that from me. The lying. And I just don't understand why he hasn't, like, talked to me at all. Explained himself. It's like he's hiding something, or he's just… I don't know."

Dean was silent for a moment, the only sounds being the crackling of the dying fire and the ocean waves nearby. Stewart saw the scene playing back in his mind, rain growing heavier above them, scarily strong waves rocking the boat, shouting and being completely frozen in place. How easily it could have been him, how maybe it should have been. He was starting to regret coming here, even if it was worth it for Dean.

"Have you… talked to him at all?"

Stewart realized that hey, that's probably a good place to start. Still, he shook his head.

"Didn't wanna pry too much. So soon, anyway. Like, I know he's probably been through the ringer, but I still just don't get how it all went down. If he could put all that effort into his act, and- acting like he was rescued by an angel or whatever the fuck he said, I just don't get why he hasn't told me what really went down. How he actually survived."

"Well… You should probably ask him."

Stewart chuckled, distracting himself by pressing a kiss to Dean's jawline.

"Yeah, maybe."

Caught up in his own distraction, Stewart moved down a little further, kissing and nipping at Dean's neck, making him giggle, almost squealing.

"But I'm not leaving yet, just so you know."

"Oh, I know."

Chapter Text

Almost a week had passed before Austin’s parents even let him out of their sight.

And what an agonizing, drawn-out week it was, constantly swinging from isolated to overwhelmingly crowded by his family, acquaintances from church he barely knew, and of course, the interviewers. It wasn’t really all that hard to get them off his back, simply smiling and waving, praising the Lord, thinking about the experience and Jeff in particular serving as an instant trigger for the floodgates to open, whenever he wanted out of something. He was a decent enough actor for everyone to buy it, except…

Given how Stewart hadn’t spoken to him at all beyond maybe a sentence per day, and how he was basically the one who taught him how to lie, that this was what he needed to do in order to survive, Austin had a feeling he was on to him. He had no idea what he was thinking, and while it unnerved him, it didn’t keep him down. Not speaking at all meant there was no confrontation, no further questioning, no reason to give up the façade.

Not like he would believe him, even if he told him the truth. And so, through all of the bustling interviews and lonely nights staring up at the ceiling, Jeff remained the only thing on his mind.

Exactly why remembering the incident made him cry so easily was a difficult topic to approach. Maybe a part of it was the trauma, but he could barely even remember the initial fall, the fate he feared so intensely. He certainly felt that fear on the shore, both when alone and with the stranger, but given how it turned out, a promise to come back, Austin couldn’t fully blame it on that. Maybe it was the fact that he promised to come back, that a part of him was still convinced he wasn’t real and that he needed to go to the hospital or something, another convinced that a bloody death awaited him as soon as he was close enough for the creature to grab him and pull him under. Either pinned to the seafloor and drowning, or teeth tearing up every inch of his skin and ripping out his throat, red mixing with blue into sickening darkness.

Neither reason felt quite right. Maybe a part of it was the trauma, the ongoing shock from the fact that fucking shark people were real and he was rescued by one, what the fuck, but maybe the true culprit lied outside of the incident itself. Maybe it had to do with every switch between isolation and overwhelming human contact, one that gave him whiplash every time, that it seemed like his story was all he was worth to them. Maybe that, mixed with his pre-existing condition and everything else caused his anxiety to skyrocket every time he remembered.

Maybe it was a little bit of everything. Trauma, shock, panic, worthless isolation, in all of the words being spoken but nothing being said, nothing but silence and ocean waves roaring in his mind; maybe the true reason, underneath it all, was that Austin knew he had to go back.

If this town only valued him as a symbol, a story, and his own family refused to talk to him beyond the most basic of communication, refused to keep him from the vultures and ask if he was really okay, Austin knew he had nowhere else to turn.

Maybe Jeff would kill him, dragging him by the ankles to a cold and watery death. Austin couldn’t say he feared it. Pain, yes, but death itself was a concept that always lingered in the back of his mind, one that no matter how much he wished he could repress it, tell the Devil no, scream about how he wanted to live, it was an odd sort of comfort that nothing could ever truly surpass. This town had always had a way of sucking the joy out of everything, creating that isolation Austin feared, leaving his will to live hanging on by a thread, a vague hope that one day, he’d make it out of here.

Right now, Jeff was his only escape. Maybe he was being naïve, and stupid, and going to get himself killed, but he couldn't say there was anywhere he would rather be.

The sea seemed to call him.

And so, he left. The same jacket from the day he fell, dry-cleaned and tied around his waist, a backpack holding only his phone and a couple granola bars, more so as a future precaution than for what was currently in it, and the flimsy excuse that he was going out with friends. To which his brother replied, since when do you have friends?

Still, his mother smiled. He was a little surprised his parents even let him leave, although maybe they were starting to feel bad for him. Or they were too exhausted to keep him in the house.

Either way, the only resistance he was met with while leaving was this… weird look from Stewart. He didn’t say anything further, simply watching as Austin walked out the door, clear that he had something to say but lacking the words or the will.

He brushed it off, figuring Stewart was always kind of like that.

He didn’t live all that far from the strangely, perpetually empty beach, although he didn't really know exactly where he was going anyway. Only a 20 minute bus ride to Northbrook, spent mindlessly staring out the window and listening to music, periodically making sure that his phone’s GPS was turned off. Mostly, trying not to panic about how he was going back to the one place he shouldn't be, and alone.

He had time to think about this, to decide whether or not he should go, and the fears were no more rational than the decision itself. Austin couldn’t say that his thoughts and actions were always the most rational, but here he was. No backing down now.

Even with what he told himself, that he’d be fine, that he can’t freak out here, he still caught glimmers of light as he stared out the window, like ocean waves from below. Groups of people from afar and brick textures on the buildings they passed registered as schools of fish, dirt on the window and reflections of shiny things on the ground like bubbles, making it impossible to truly distract himself from where he was going. Who he was running to.

He felt like he might cry again, pulling his backpack into his lap and hugging it, forcing down the feeling.

The bus was practically empty as well, nobody to notice him and that he really wasn't okay, nobody to clue him into the fact that he was here except for the bus slowing to a halt and their destination spoken over the intercom. There was comfort in that he wasn’t backing down now, that he was here and he could do this, but yet not at all in the fact that oh God, he was here, he was doing this.

Another 15 minute walk to get roughly where he had woken up, assuming that's where he's going, the once calming sound and sight of the ocean now utterly intimidating. The first thing he did was head to the corner of the nearby parking lot, a low brick wall separating the lot and the elevated palm tree garden.

Just out of sight, behind the barrier, was a pile of seashells, pebbles, and pearls. Thank God they're still here. He admired each for a moment before haphazardly throwing them into his backpack, now that he had a good excuse for bringing them home.

Jeff was right, somehow. They did cheer him up.

He took out his headphones, throwing them and his phone into his backpack, listening to the sound of the waves and considering the possibility that someone might call for him. In the absence of music, he busied himself by staring at the ground, internally complaining about the struggle of walking in the sand in these shoes, wondering when he would be done and where he would end up, waiting for something, anything to-

“Hey! Over here!”

Austin jumped at the sound, smiling out of fear, or habit, or maybe a defense mechanism. He hadn't been walking for that long, like five minutes? Did Jeff know he was coming?

Still, his feet dragged him towards the sound of Jeff's voice at a speed faster than he really expected from himself, and there he was. On his side, wiggling his way up onto the shore, his bright expression like he was honestly happy to see him. Austin’s worry about the whole seduction thing was starting to come back again, because Jeff seemed inherently brighter this time. It must have been the weather, the sun beating down incessantly and unbearably hot, nothing like the cloudy day they met, with storms on the horizon.

The sky was completely clear today, but Austin had to wonder if there was anything darker lurking just out of sight.

Austin sat down a couple feet away from Jeff, realizing he probably should have brought a towel because he was bound to get all sandy again. Not that he really cared.

“... Hey,” Austin said after a moment's hesitation, with a slight chuckle at the end, as if that would relieve any of the unbearable tension he was feeling. He found himself immediately analyzing Jeff for any sign of nervousness or malice, anything anticipating a turn to the violent side.

All Austin could find was a bit of hesitation and concern when it came to boundaries, and honest, caring happiness. Instead, Austin got caught on the patches of shark skin that dotted his chest, standing out even more in the bright sunlight, like sun kissed freckles. Something he hadn’t noticed on the day he was rescued was that around the grey patches, specifically on his shoulders, his collarbones, and his cheeks, his skin was tinted pale blue and lavender, like a watercolor painting. They seemed to even glimmer in the sunlight, leaving Austin to wonder what they even were, but he forced himself to look away to keep from staring.

“... Sorry it’s been a while,” Austin finished his thought, expecting really anything other than the response he got from Jeff. The smile dropped off of his face, clear blue- no, were they green now? Maybe closer to grey? Whatever color they were, they were still swimmable… Clear, whatever color eyes now filled with worry and a need to fix this.

“Oh- No, it’s totally fine,” Jeff replied, his hands raised in that calming way again. Austin wondered if he talked with his hands more when he was nervous.

“I- Yeah, it was just- Wasn’t really allowed to leave the house for a while, and I didn’t wanna keep you waiting too long…”

"Don't worry about it! Not like I had anywhere else to be," Jeff assured, glancing back over the sea and shrugging. "I… I'm glad you're here."

Something about the way Jeff said that, with a full, unapologetically sincere pointy-toothed smile, it ignited something in Austin, an ache he couldn't explain nor ignore.

"... Thanks," Austin awkwardly replied, not quite sure how to go about this.

"Glad you got home safe, then."

"Oh, uh- Y-yeah."

"How did, uh- Going home go for you?" Jeff asked, a little more reserved now, his clear mindfulness of boundaries both making Austin want to trust him, and feel like he knew too much.

"Uh- It went alright," Austin replied, not necessarily true. "It was a lot of people, and interviewing, and… Asking me what happened, but not a whole lot of actual support, y'know?"

"Oh- Oh no…"

"But, I mean, I got them off my back pretty easily." Austin's gaze fell over Jeff's body again, eyes bright and caring, sunlight surrounding and caressing him, realizing the shimmering patches of skin resembled ocean waves reflecting the sun. "They're pretty, uh- Set in their ways, I guess you could say, and I didn't really want them to exorcise me or say I was possessed or, just, say anything bad happened to me, so… I told them I was rescued by an angel."

Jeff smiled and looked away, as if bashful, a hand clutching his chest. Austin noticed the shimmering colors painted his knuckles and the tips of his fingers too. He laughed, the sound bubbling out of him like the most literal of metaphors, light and airy, gentle.

"That's- Aw, that's so sweet!"

"Yeah," Austin laughed, oh God, he was laughing too, and while the fear still lived in the back of his mind and the nerves made his hands shake, in this very moment at least, he felt safe. "I just didn't really clarify that it was an angel… fish. "

A stupid joke, but Austin surprised himself in that he was comfortable enough to even make it. Jeff laughed again, looking almost… flustered?

"I don't think I've ever met an angelfish. Heard of them, but-"

"Wh- Wait, what do you mean met one?"

"Or- Seen one, I guess." Jeff shrugged.

“Uh- I could show you one,” Austin stammered, searching his backpack for his phone. “But first, does that- uh… Are you saying there are more people… like you?”

“Oh, yeah. Totally!” Jeff replied with a smile just out of Austin’s sight, but a slight uncertainty he hadn’t held before. “I mean, I’ve only met like- well, I've seen like three or four, but I've only really talked to two, and they were both kinda mean, but- I mean… There’s gotta be more out there.”

Austin nodded, pulling out his phone and two granola bars while he was at it, figuring he might as well. He wondered briefly if he was going to have to explain what a phone was to Jeff. Or a granola bar. He tried not to think about how weirdly, childishly cute it would be if Jeff really didn’t know. Maybe it was a sense of control over the situation that Austin needed.

“Cool. And you don’t actually, like- talk to fish, right? Or, well, do you?”

Jeff laughed again, watching Austin expectantly. “Nah. I eat them.”

Austin raised his eyebrows, not so much of a surprise as it was a grim reminder. He distracted himself by thumbing in his passcode, a lack of notifications to otherwise distract himself.

“... Right. Well, uh- I’ll look it up,” Austin sighed, quietly switching to incognito mode on his browser, just in case. His other hand grabbed one of the granola bars, holding it in front of him as a vague, uncertain offer. “... Want a granola bar?”

Jeff stared blankly for a moment, trying to recognize the shape or the packaging.

“I… don’t know what that is?”

Austin looked up at Jeff. The service out here was slow, but it would work. For now, apparently he did have to explain what a granola bar was.

"Oh, it's- Uh. Food. Human food," Austin stuttered, unwrapping the bar and instinctively scooting a little closer. "I don't know if you'd like it honestly, but you're welcome to try it."

Although there was still a hint of uncertainty in Jeff's face and his actions, he beamed at Austin, plucking the bar from his hands and examining it with careful fascination.

"But, uh. Yeah. Here's what an angelfish looks like, by the way." Austin showed his phone to Jeff, the picture of an Emperor Angelfish that he felt was prettiest. He hadn't known there were different kinds, freshwater and saltwater…

"Oh, I think I have seen those before!" Jeff smiled, taking a somewhat violent bite out of his granola bar and zooming in on the picture, taking a closer look at the colors. "Pretty. Also, this tastes like dead coral."

Austin winced. "Sorry."

"It's- No, it’s fine! Thank you for offering," Jeff assured, giving the bar back to Austin. Austin took back his phone as well, putting it back safely in his backpack. He figured he might as well eat what Jeff left, pulling off the part where Jeff had bit. Taking a bite, Austin chuckled.

“You know what a phone is, but not a granola bar?”

“I…” Jeff hesitated, seemingly trying to remember what a phone was and preemptively proving Austin wrong. “That’s the thing you just showed me, right? Glowy, magicky thing?”

“Uh… It’s not magic, but yeah.”

“Yeah, I… Like, I’ve seen them before, and found dead ones, and you can, like-” Jeff hesitated, trying to find the word, moving his fingers in the zooming in motion.

“Zoom in?”

Jeff chuckled, bringing his hands back down to his lap. “Yeah. That’s a funny word, but yeah. But I really don't know what it is, or what it does, I- I do not claim to understand, like, any human technology.”

Austin frowned, feeling the rift between him and Jeff widening again. He didn’t know what he expected, but it was a harsh reminder that he was not dealing with a human. How had it slipped his mind, just how out of his depth he was?

“Oh.”

“I think it’s probably like, if I tried to explain what I do and my magic stuff to you. Like, I can try, but it probably wouldn’t make much sense. And if I can figure out how to work it just on, like, the surface level, I don’t really need to know much else. Different worlds, y’know?”

“... Yeah. Different worlds,” Austin murmured, that inexplicable ache returning much stronger than before, the words both scary and… saddening. Maybe it was that Austin really didn’t like his world all that much, that it was already so much bigger and brighter now that Jeff was in it. Austin wouldn’t even have a world if it wasn’t for Jeff. Maybe it was that he wanted a piece of Jeff’s world, under the sea and away from here. “I was going to ask about that, actually, and I’m not gonna ask exactly why or to understand it, but- When I first got here, it seemed like you… knew that I was coming?”

“Oh. S’cause I did,” Jeff chuckled. “I mean, I’m pretty much always around here, but y’know. I can feel when people are around, and emotions and whatever. Y’know,” Jeff explained, gesturing to his tail, and then to his teeth when Austin looked confused. Doing so did not clarify anything for Austin.

“Wh… What are you trying to signal?”

Jeff hesitated, processing, then chuckled. “Uh, y’know. Shark. Bloodsniffing.”

Austin paled, eyes going wide.

“That- That sounds more ominous than it really is, I swear. It’s not like- a hunting thing- well technically it is, but not like- inherently. It just means I know when people- or really just any living things are around. It’s not just a shark thing either, I think I explained that to you?”

“You did,” Austin muttered, smiling weakly and biting his lip. “Saltwater, right?”

“Yeah, that!” Jeff replied, seemingly overcompensating for the slightly dark turn of the conversation. “It, like… connects us.”

“... Connects us…” Austin repeated, and the words burrowed into his mind in a strange, unshakable way. They had spoken of their different worlds, granola bars and abstract emotional awareness, and Austin was ready to accept that Jeff’s world was out of his reach. Jeff hadn’t spoken much of his everyday life, other than that he spent his days on this very beach and seemed to have a hoard of seashells, and Austin’s general knowledge of the sea told him his world must be deep and dark and dangerous, and yet Austin would choose it over his own in a heartbeat if he could.

If he could, and he had already accepted that he couldn’t. And yet, the notion of a connection gave him a blind, unsubstantiated hope that maybe one day, one way or another, he could.

The notion excited him, terrified him, and kind of made him want to cry.

Jeff’s intentionally overly bubbly smile twisted into a frown, eyebrows knitting together and giving his best puppy-dog eyes. Another notion that terrified Austin, because damned if he wasn’t cute, and this feeling, this dream, this vague concept of a future, together went against everything he had ever been taught. He could see it already, his father screaming at him and hurling slurs should that future be realized, his mother crying over his drowned body, but not by Jeff’s hands-

“Austin..?” Jeff cut through the silence, hands out in front of him again. “I… Is it okay if I come a little closer?”

Austin showed that he didn’t care by scooting closer himself, not really caring what Jeff did with him at this point. Whatever violence or death awaited him now, he deserved, for even daring to feel-

Jeff smiled reassuringly as his hands joined with Austin’s, giving him a closer look at the sparkling watercolor that painted his fingers.

“I… This might not make much sense, but the way I feel emotion is like… It’s always the water metaphors, I know, but like waves. So like, regular, contented people and most fish, actually, they’re just little waves, y’know? Easy to miss, just little laps, but the stronger emotions, be it anger, sadness, adrenaline, are heavier and louder and just- pummeling. And then there’s… like when I found you, that panic and despair, mixed with the saltwater thing is just- impossible to ignore. Like a whirlpool, or a storm, there’s no getting out until… it's over."

Austin couldn’t find the words to respond, let alone look at Jeff’s face, playing absentmindedly with Jeff’s fingers and admiring the colors.

“Yeah. And I’m… kinda feeling some stronger waves right now.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t- Don’t apologize,” Jeff muttered, shaking his head. Austin couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eyes, but he could already imagine the very storms and whirlpools Jeff spoke of in his eyes, already feeling surrounded.

“Does it… you said, like, pummeling, so does that… hurt you…?

“N- No, no! It doesn’t. I mean… When I know it’s you, empathy-wise yes, but not physically.”

“... Sorry, then,” Austin choked out, feeling tears sting at the back of his eyes again and feeling utterly stupid. The notion that Jeff cared about him was more terrifying than any other, because he was ready to be, deserved to be utterly alone in this feeling, and yet-

“No, don’t- Don’t apologize for how you feel, really, it’s okay.

And yet, Jeff was gentle and simply, horrifyingly caring, rubbing his thumb over Austin’s hand and squeezing slightly. “Just… I know you don’t really… know me that well, so you don’t have to really tell me what’s wrong, but… You okay?”

Somehow, Austin finally found the courage to raise his gaze, meeting Jeff’s. And of course, the waters of his eyes were warm and powerful, the patches of shark skin and the colors of a sunrise even prettier up close. Austin didn’t feel nearly as suffocated as he thought he might. Still surrounded, still a little hard to breathe, but meeting his eyes was like an electric shock, a rush of oxygen, his heart pounding in his chest and blood rushing to his cheeks. The sting at the back of his eyes receded, and he swallowed the feeling.

“I… Yeah, I’m okay, it’s just… kind of hard to deal with all this, in general. It’s… It’s weird, because I think you’re the easiest part.”

The color on Jeff’s cheeks spread, blushing, the light of a sunrise deepening into a late sunset. Pale blues turned to violet skies, lavender to passionate, fiery pink, and Austin swore he could almost see stars in the skyline. In only an instant, Austin briefly lost his breath, feeling like he was floating, flying, and Jeff could not have proved his point any better if this was what he consistently did to Austin.

“Oh…”

“Yeah…” Austin giggled, trying to distract himself from the literal masterpiece that was Jeff’s face, finding that his cheeks mirrored an actual sunset, now. “I… Also, I should probably go soon."

"Oh, that's okay!" Jeff chirped, pulling his hands out of Austin's grip. "Want me to grab you something before you go?"

---

About halfway through the bus ride home, Austin finally thought to fish his phone out of his backpack, now even more filled with seashells, pearls, and several tiny, fragile starfish. Those, he kept in the front pocket, just in case that would actually protect them any better.

His mind still buzzed with thoughts of next time, the colors on Jeff's skin, how Jeff told him to take care again, so much so that he didn't register the notification on his screen for a good minute.

Mcjones

Turn your location back on.

(7:53 PM)

Austin swallowed, thumbing in his passcode.

Sorry my phone was in my bag, must of turned itself off

(8:28 PM)

I'm just on the way home now. I'm okay, sorry

(8:28 PM)

Must have

(8:29 PM)

We can talk about it when you get home. Just don't let it happen again

(8:30 PM)

Austin sighed, reluctantly turning his location back on and returning his phone back to his bag, picking up a couple seashells instead.

He really, really didn't want to talk about it with Stewart, and he knew he didn't have long before he got home, so he needed to think through his story now, but…

Some of the seashells had tiny holes in them. A conch shell, whatever the flat ones were called, one that was conch shell looking but not? He didn't know his seashell terminology, and he definitely didn't know why they naturally had holes in them, but they seemed just enough for a necklace.

He was right, of course. Jeff was the easiest part.

Chapter Text

“So, how was your… outing?”

Austin winced, hardly having been home for more than two minutes. He quickly realized that thinking through his story had completely slipped his mind on the ride home, leaving his backpack of distractions on the floor just behind the door to his room. He definitely didn't want to talk, but he knew he didn't have much of a choice. He sighed, leaning against the wall of the hallway to their rooms. 

"Uh… We went out to eat,” Austin hastily replied, forcing a smile. “At, uh- At Blue Crustacean.”

“Really,” Stewart mused, his face unchanging and showing no sign of moving, no end in sight for this questioning. 

“Y-Yeah, I got, uh,” Austin stammered, knowing his story was incredibly flimsy. Such would be expected, given he was literally making it up on the spot, but he knew he’d need more information to make it seem believable. That’s one of the first things Stewart taught him, specificity becomes believability. He knew his brother was onto him, but what he thought about where Austin had been was unclear. 

All he could do was try to prove him wrong.

“Aw, geez, I’m- I’m forgetting the name of it, it’s- it’s this- it was this sushi roll,” Austin babbled, vaguely trying to remember the last time they went to Blue Crustacean. They had sushi, right? Yeah, yeah, they did, he’s had it before.

Wait, shit. He’d had it before, but he was acting like it was his first time. Stewart was there when he first had it. Screw it, too late.

“It’s like, a whole bunch of fish, and like, avocado and cucumber?” Austin continued, vaguely gesturing with his hand and trying his hardest not to show his immediate regret, now remembering the name but unwilling to say it. “I dunno’, it was really good. It had like- pretty colors.”

Stewart went quiet for a second, processing.

“Was it the rainbow roll?”

“Oh- Yeah! Yeah, that was it.”

“You’ve had that before.”

Austin pouted, hoping that would appeal to… some emotion? 

“Oh. I don’t remember that.”

Somehow, Stewart actually cracked a smile at that, rolling his eyes. Not quite the emotional appeal Austin was going for, although he didn’t really know what he was going for anyway. He’d take it. Maybe that was a good sign.

“Of course you don’t,” Stewart chuckled, adjusting his glasses. “Y’know, a good way of remembering the name is, I don't know, the colors themselves?”

“Yeah, maybe…” Austin added sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Oh my God…” Stewart muttered, the smile suddenly dropping off his face immediately after he had said it. His eyes widened, flickering to the end of the hallway as if expecting something, someone. The hallway was empty, as usual. Austin wasn’t sure where their parents were anyway, if that was what Stewart was expecting. He exhaled, seemingly out of relief, and his gaze returned to Austin.

“Anyway. Who’s we?"

“Oh, um…” 

Shit. That’s a whole other dilemma Austin had just as conveniently completely forgotten about. Jeff, how the hell was he supposed to explain Jeff? Would it be weird if he said he was alone with him? No, make him a girl for this. No, shit, that’s worse-

“He’s not really from around here.”

Think, Austin. What can you do with that?

“He’s, uh- You remember my friend Shane? He’s the one who’s like- obsessed with Ultra Scissors Nario-”

“I recall.”

“Yeah, his, uh- his cousin is in town for a while for some family stuff, I think, and he’s about our age too, so-”

“Shane set you up with his cousin?”

“N-No! It- It wasn’t like that, he just thought we’d-”

“Was Shane there?”

“Uh…” Since he's been doing it all this time, it's probably better to lie. “B- Briefly…”

Stewart just… looked at him, eyelids drooping slightly, the shadow of a smile playing on his lips. 

He seemed to have a new theory. That was technically Austin's goal, but this was a whole new corner he had backed himself into. Stewart was always insistent about this town's viewpoints and beliefs, how dangerous they could be. How one misstep, one wrong word, one time they catch you could quite literally kill you. This town had always been a little overzealous about their… 

Can you even call it a religion?

… Beliefs. And they believed in a natural sort of hierarchy, in an almighty parental force, the father, and their right to enact discipline upon their children. The leaders thought themselves the fathers of this town. 

Truth be told, they were. Technically, they funded it all. And said discipline…

Austin had only attended one of those… public shaming, punishing, disciplinary sermons, he supposed they were called. He was only twelve, he didn't remember it well, but…

A vague, fuzzy flurry of sensations came down again, every time he remembered, every time Stewart warned him to be careful, as to avoid the consequences. 

The leaders voice into his mic, buzzing and feedbacking, still not much louder than the yelling surrounding them. It was all so loud. Blaring organ music, rain drumming against the roof of the church, filled pews bustling with excitement and malice. He couldn't remember exactly what the leader said, let alone hear him half the time, but it at least partially sounded like a prayer.

Everything around him was so loud, even the sensations. Of his heart pounding in his ears, of his unending stream of consciousness screaming confusion in his head, of the confining church clothes that made it hard to breathe, of his mother's hand around his wrist. Her nails dug into his skin every time he moved more than an inch, and her jaw was clenched, forcing a smile. He couldn't remember what his father was like, or where he even was. Or his brother. All of it was too loud, too confusing.

Loud, confusing, and terrifying, as men in white pulled a boy to the center for all to see. Austin didn't recognize him, especially not from afar, but he looked older than Stewart, at least. He wore a beanie over long and curly brown hair, round glasses entirely failing to shield the pure, unadulterated terror in his wide eyes. Eyes that never seemed to leave a girl in the pews to his left, with fiery red hair and…

Austin didn't know her either. He couldn't remember much, only sensations and distinct little visual things, and her hair was certainly one of them. Her eyes never left her watcher, either.

It only got louder from there. He couldn't remember much of the scene he was staring at, but he remembered the sound of hitting, and yelling, and laughing, and splashing. 

Then the lights went out.

He couldn't remember if they actually went out, or if that lightheadedness of the entire ordeal just caught up to him, or maybe his mind just decided to block out whatever finale followed the event, but that was all he remembered.

Stewart had told him later, hushed by his bedroom door, that it was rumored the kid had died. And that his name was Jon, and that cases like his were the reason they had to be so careful, why he was so protective of Austin. At the time, Austin was fond of adventure, reading and making maps, dreaming of travelling the world and seeing wonderful things. Even then, he knew this town had little for him, but he learned quickly that the town didn't really want him to believe that.

He never found out who the girl was, or whatever happened to her. Shortly after, he gave up on those dreams. Talking about them, at least.

Austin couldn't say he really blamed Stewart for being protective. Even if he was a bit overzealous, and it was a little ironic, and he watched every move Austin made in addition to his own and seemed to lack any sense of faith in his little brother. 

But now, this new dilemma, that Stewart seemed to think he was on a date, set up a whole new collection of problems. He should have gone with his "date" being a girl, he shouldn't have said that thing about Shane because it was stupid and probably easy as hell to disprove, he shouldn't have said anything at all, he shouldn't have gone out at all, backtrack backtrack backtrack-

"It- It wasn't like that, he w- He was just nice, we-"

"Really."

"Yeah- It- It wasn't- We're just friends, he's-" Austin stammered, blood rushing to his cheeks beyond his control. He wondered if Stewart could tell if he was panicking, or really just if he even cared, a soft chuckle rising in his throat as he adjusted his glasses. 

"So nice you felt the need to turn off your location?”

Shit. Austin knew he'd have to take the L on something here, all this was just damage control at that point. He lied to Stewart about it turning off on its own, so he’ll need to get around that. There’s only so much he can do to lie in front of Stewart, because he was the one who taught him in the first place. Austin wouldn’t call him the master, but he definitely knew some of Austin’s tells, ones that he refused to tell him about. Whenever he did that, Austin would bring up how that could put him in danger should that worst case scenario of being caught occur, and Stewart would go pale for a moment, but he would never actually get around to telling him.

So, there he was. Utterly screwed.

“I… Okay, I- I shouldn’t have done that, I know, I just… I got paranoid.”

Stewart tilted his head to the side, scratching his beard, seeming vaguely pleased by Austin’s admission of the truth, but clearly still unsatisfied.

“I don’t have to give you the whole spiel again, do I?”

“N- No, I just… I get worried. Not even to do with the fact that I wish you would trust me a little more-”

“Peebs, if you’re doing what I assume you’re doing, and I don’t blame you at all for that, I’ll admit, I need to at least know where you are if anything… happens to you.”

Fuck, Stewart actually looked… sad when he said that. And knowing him all his life, Austin knew he was never one for being emotional, let alone showing it. He had always had a strange obsession with being logical and uncaring, focused on survival, and…

It only made this conversation all the more painful. For both of them, now, which wasn't much of a comfort. Please, just stop...

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean, what if-”

“I’m the only one who’s seeing your location. Half the leaders can’t even figure out Titter, it’s not like-”

“S-Still! There’s… there’s still a chance, isn’t there? And- It’s not like you let me see your-”

“Oh, don’t even- That is not your responsibility,” Stewart chuckled, crossing his arms. Apart from the fact that Austin didn’t actually care; he actually had a bit of faith in his brother, it seemed like he was getting somewhere.

“Why not? What if- What makes you immune to just- What if anything happens to you, and I’m just left here-”

“Don’t say that. I actually know my way around.”

There was a flash of uncertainty in Stewart’s eyes, the slightest waver of his voice indicating Austin had gotten under his skin.

“You're my little brother, it has never been your job to-”

“Still, why not? Why can’t I look out for you too? And you’re only, like, two years older than me, why-”

“Two and a half. And I have spent almost all my life looking after you, so I at least hope I’ve gotten pretty damn good at it.”

“Oh, and it’s not because you have anything to hide, right?”

Stewart's face fell, the slightest notion of vulnerability in his eyes vanishing, replaced by the same emotionless mask as he stood stiffly before him. He glanced down the hallway, his jaw clenched, and after finding they were still alone, looked back at Austin.

"Don't we all?"

Austin quickly realized, that was an incredibly stupid thing to say. Shit.

"Obviously, I do," Stewart said, hushed yet deafeningly loud, his voice laced with anger and some deeper emotion that Austin wasn't at all used to from him. "But that has never been your responsibility. You're…"

Stewart took a ragged breath, seemingly struggling to compose himself, which was an utterly horrifying thought. Please, just stop...

"You're my little brother. And- I don't know- maybe you don't remember what they do when people step out of line, but I can't let that happen to you. I- you're the only person I give half a shit about in this whole town, honestly, I can't let anything happen to you again," Stewart continued, probably louder than he should have been, rocking back and forth on his heels and emphasizing with his hands, while Austin remained completely still and silent.

Austin was no expert, but Stewart was the one who taught him to lie in the first place. And of course, after all this time, he'd pick up on his teacher's own tells. His eyes flickered back and forth between nothing in particular, almost baring his teeth in aggression, the rocking back and forth-

Austin wasn't sure what exactly he was lying about, but he wasn't particularly inclined to believe any of it. Please, just-

"I- I don't…" Stewart sighed, his voice hushed again. "When… When I thought we lost you, on the boat, I… You scared me, alright? And it made me realize just how much… I can't have you getting hurt again. I still don't even get how you survived."

Either Stewart had gotten his tells back under control, or he really meant that, and Austin had no idea which concept he preferred.

"... I don't either. I just…" 

Focus, Austin.

"I passed out, and I woke up on the beach. That's all I remember-"

"That only happens in movies."

"I know! That's what I thought, too," Austin replied, wishing Stewart would just lay off, and stop caring, and let him get himself killed by throwing himself into the mouth of a shark. He wasn't used to Stewart being honest and actually communicating his emotions, and he knew they probably both hated it. "But I honestly have no better answer."

Maybe Stewart would have actually called that out for the obvious lie it was, if not for a lack of an actual logical explanation. Stewart remained silent for a moment longer, mulling it over, prompting Austin to defend himself just a little more.

"Look, like- At least it means something out there's looking out for me, right? I- I'm scared too, you know…"

Stewart sighed, the sharp look in his eyes softening, seemingly realizing it was too late for this.

"I know," Stewart whispered. He was silent for another moment, thinking over something in his head before coming to a conclusion, speaking again.

"Okay, look. Can we just… compromise? I won't keep you from doing… whatever you do, I just need you to be honest with me, okay?"

Austin somewhat doubted those terms.

"Are you gonna be honest with me too, then?"

"I-"

"Come on, if I'm telling you all my juicy secrets, you should at least give me a little look into your boring pastimes-"

"They're not- Not with that attitude."

"Into your… whatever you're doing that you wouldn't tell me before. Because it's illegal, or because it's boring."

Stewart huffed. "You're such an asshole."

"Yes or no?" 

"Fine," Stewart grumbled. "But only because you told me to trust you, I guess. And you have, fuckin', mermaid Jesus on your side or something. But if you call me boring again, I'll sell you out to the leaders."

Austin grinned, more so out of the conversation finally having an end in sight. 

"I thought I was the only person you gave half a shit about!"

"Half a shit isn't all that much."

"But you know what? Deal. Just not tonight, I'm t-"

"So where were you really?"

"I just s- I'll tell you later, okay? I'm tired."

"Fiiiiiine," Stewart droned, a little more humor back in his voice. "Just don't forget."

"I won't," Austin replied, his hand creeping up the wall in search of his door frame. "Thank you, I- Have I ever actually thanked you for like, not letting me die?"

"No. You haven't," Stewart deadpanned, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Did… Did you sleep well last night?"

Austin was supposed to be telling the truth now, right?

"Not really."

"Yeah, okay, just go to bed," Stewart chuckled. That had made him smile, somehow, which seemed like a win in Austin's book.

It was funny how that worked. Somehow, saying or doing something stupid, after a certain point at least, always got back on Stewart's good side. There was a balance to it.

"'Kay. G'night Mcjones."

"Goodnight, Peebs."

Austin closed his bedroom door behind himself and sighed, quickly flopping down onto his bed. Almost immediately, released from the agony of honest conversation, his train of thought returned to Jeff; the sand in his shoes, the seashells in his backpack, when they would next meet, now that Stewart allegedly wasn't a problem.

Soon, hopefully. Laying on his back in his bed, he felt almost as if he was slipping out of his body. Still awake, but somewhere else. The sound of ocean waves filled his ears once more, water seeming to surround him, even on dry land. Even staring up at the empty ceiling, all Austin saw were stars.

---

Yet again, the TV flickered on in an empty room, technicolor flashes illuminating the room.

DA17 - Jeremiah 1:9 ESV

District of Asagao News

A set of jarring sounds and graphics played yet again, eventually transitioning to the same woman from before, still wearing all red, now on a bench somewhere on the beach.

"Thank you, Saitomo. It might seem crazy, such a big revelation coming only from a couple miles north of our very hometown, right? I mean- proof of an entirely new, literally mythical creature ?"

The screen transitioned away from the woman, various blurred out, seemingly bloody pictures flashing on the screen. All that could be made out through the pixelated patches of brown and red were the creature's long fish tail, perhaps once multicolor but now a sickly shade of gray, and pink near its head. Hair?

"Forgive the censoring of these revolutionary images, they're a little too bloody for the network, understandably. But it's crazy, right? Crazy indeed. Because it's a hoax."

A tacky graphic of a bright red stamp reading "HOAX" played over the images, and the screen came back to the reporter.

"I know, big let down. But it's an important reminder, Asagao-ians, to remain vigilant. When confronted with these revolutionary images and concepts, it's important to be skeptical, to remain true to the truths and values we all know so well, to always remain on God's path and to never stray."

The reporter smiled sweetly, perhaps trying to be encouraging, but it hardly matched the sentiment of the program. 

"Although, if any of you have any real proof of some nice, virtuous mer-men, perhaps, send it on over to us and I'm sure I'll find something to do with it."

Not the most Christian sentiment to air, but the reporter laughed, unbothered.

"Alright, back to you Saitomo."

Chapter Text

Austin found himself back at the beach soon after, only two days after their first actual meeting. Before he had time to think about his arrangement with Stewart, before he had time to think about Jeff was even expecting, before he had time to set any expectations for himself. All he had was his backpack, carrying his phone, with his location on, his shells, and a ball of string he had stolen from his mom. He himself, however, carried the sense that the sea was calling him once more.

The bus ride and the walk itself felt even shorter than before, strangely, even as the nerves caught up to him. He found himself walking faster, now wearing sandals slightly better suited for the sand, but an inexplicable twisting feeling in his gut forming once the ocean was within view. He was nervous and quite literally freaking out last time, but this…

Jeff had mentioned something last time about his… emotional awareness, he’d call it? Of feeling the people around him, their emotions, their pain. His heartbeat rang in his ears like heavy waves crashing against the shore, pummeling, as Jeff put it. He definitely wasn’t sure if that was what he was feeling, if he would even notice if that’s what it was, if he even could, but…

He knew that it was probably just his anxiety, but couldn’t shake the idea that something was wrong. Typically, his anxiety made him shut down, not become compelled like this. It was meant to be lightheaded and overwhelming, making him desperate for some quiet and to be alone, but in this moment, he only wanted Jeff. 

He wondered if he’d ever find the time to answer any of those weird emotional questions about Jeff. That was Jeff’s thing, right? Maybe he…

Austin froze, noticing something floating out in the water. Someone, on their back, motionless. Him? All he could really see was the brown mass of hair as he approached the water, drying and curling in the sun. Realistically, he hadn’t seen anyone out here before, which was strange in its own right, but he knew there was only, like, a 10% chance of it being anyone else.

The nerves still remained, and the sinking, twisted feeling in his gut rose into words, much weaker than such a call should have been.

“Jeff…?”

The mass out on the water still managed to hear him over the waves, twisting to glance at him for only a moment, before ducking back under the water, flashing his tail, a familiar grey.

Yeah, that’s him. He’s fine. Relax.

Austin took a seat in the sand, realizing that he had forgotten to bring a towel again, and that he hadn’t even bothered trying to get the sand out of his old clothes from last time, but in that moment, he really didn’t care. He had his priorities straight, clearly.

Although maybe that’s not what you’d call straight…

Jeff surfaced again quickly after, combing his half wet hair out of his face, flicking drops of water from the motion. He jutted forwards, leaning onto his hands, sinking into the wet sand.

“Hey,” Jeff put simply.

Almost immediately, that twisting feeling returned twice as strong, because Austin knew he was overanalyzing him already. The drops of water falling from his hair and down his face, his pointed teeth showcased in his smile, his eyes wide and cheery as always, but a deeper forest green today, it would seem. Most notably, his voice, lower and… quieter than usual. Tired. Tired? Wait, oh, yeah, that had to be it. Is that how he sleeps?

“Hey,” Austin replied, just as eloquently. “Uh… Sorry if I woke you, or something…”

Jeff’s face fell, his brow furrowing, tilting his head to the side.

“I- What? Why- Oh,” Jeff realized with a chuckle, the exhausting haze of whatever his current situation was briefly parting. “No, you didn’t. I wasn’t asleep, I was just, like… coping.”

Oh…?

Jeff shrugged, flashing another smile, but it failed to calm the storm of concern building in Austin’s stomach.

“Oh… Are you okay…?”

"Yeah. Of course," Jeff replied, seeming to swallow something that was still bothering him. "Y'know, better now that you're here."

Austin chuckled, looking away, the assurance doing nothing to alleviate the twisting feeling.

"Alright, I… There's a couple things I've been meaning to ask you."

Austin worried that he might be moving too quickly with this, he had just gotten here, but he needed to move on. This was the opposite of a distraction, but he needed answers. Jeff seemed to shrink slightly, probably at least partially aware of what was happening in Austin's head.

"Uh- Me too, actually. But go right ahead."

"Cool," Austin started, hardly an appropriate adjective. "I- Alright, when I was on my way here, I felt, like, this…"

Austin described as well as he could with his hand, moving his pointer finger in quick, loose circles. Jeff seemed to understand, at least partially, eyes darkening.

"Twisty feeling, kinda', in my gut. And I know you mentioned that thing about, like, feeling other people's emotions and stuff, and being connected through-"

"The water," Jeff finished for him. 

"Yeah, so I just wanted to know if… If that goes both ways, because- I can't really tell if it's just me being nervous, or if you're really… not okay."

Jeff paused, his jaw clenched, his fin swishing nervously behind him. Maybe they were connected, but Austin had no idea what was on his mind. Was he trying to find the words, or trying to lie…?

"Please be honest with me," Austin pleaded before he could stop himself.

Jeff's eyes fluttered open as if he was pulled out of a dream, sighing.

"I will," Jeff whispered, oddly uncertain. Austin was starting to worry about trusting him again, seeing darkness in his eyes, the frequent flashing of his teeth, the sound of crashing waves like a siren song. He felt himself losing control, his composure, as he fixated on the patches of shark skin, the corners of his mouth, the rivulets of saltwater still dripping from his skin, as they all turned to blood. 

He felt lightheaded. He wanted to go home, which wasn't something he wanted often.

"It's not… exactly a two way street," Jeff explained, his tone somehow implying that he had noticed Austin's worry. Jeff held his hands out in front of him, but his right hand moved out further than before. 

He gestured for Austin's.

Inexplicably, Austin gave it. With the touch, the twisting feeling finally receded somewhat, seeming to drown under the sensation of warm water crashing over him, holding him. A caress. His eyes fell closed with an exhale, calm. Sunlight, glimmering waves, Jeff's hand.

"Like this. You feel that?"

"Yes," Austin immediately replied. He didn't understand it at all, but he felt it.

"This stuff, I'm not even sure what to call it either. Empathy, I guess… But it's magic-y, so it's basically exclusive to magic-y beings. Like me. So we're connected, as in I can feel the living things around me all the time, and I can call out to you, and whatever's- or whoever's around me, which gives that same kind of feeling. I don't really get a choice in it."

Jeff squeezed Austin's hand, the simulation of calmness weakening, seeming to strain. 

"So, I- I try to control when I call out, basically. I try to keep it for, like, hunting, or whenever I want to talk to someone and get them to where I am, like I did for you. But sometimes, when someone's hurting, or when I'm hurting, I… can't really control it. So…" 

Jeff's eyes went wide for a moment, as if realizing something, before shaking his head.

"You probably did feel something. Sorry, I… It's a bit of a downer topic, doesn't have anything to do with you, but…"

"You can tell me," Austin assured, wishing he could share that same kind of calming feeling with Jeff. "If it'll make you feel any better. It's no good just… bottling things up."

Jeff nodded, pulling his hand away. Most likely out of fear that he'd share more emotion with Austin than he was prepared for, but Austin immediately longed for the touch, practically hugging himself in his absence.

"It's… I guess it kind of does have to do with my emotion stuff, and since we're already on some heavy topics, I guess it's fine, I…"

Jeff took a breath, seeming to force himself to get to the point.

"I think someone died."

Austin's eyes widened, feeling his own pupils literally dilating, the breath being knocked out of him as memories of cruel sermons, agonizing noise echoing off the pristine walls, kids with raw terror in their eyes.

"Wh- What?" Austin sputtered, already noticing the shift in Jeff's demeanor back to comfort, but Austin was nowhere near ready to accept it. "Was- Was there another-"

"I- What? I- I meant someone like me. I'm just assuming they got caught or something-"

"Wh- Oh. Oh, that's… I'm sorry," Austin murmured, nearly breathing a sigh of relief, but the air remained trapped in his chest, because a death was a death, even if it was… non-human . And Jeff was upset, so this was hardly better than if there had been another sermon .

"It's… It's alright, I don't think I knew them, I just felt the…" Jeff vaguely gestured with his hand, barely controlled enough to be catalogued above a flail. Even with the panicked, nonsensical motion, Austin understood the meaning.

Their pain.

"Y'know. But I'm fine, I don't think I really knew them, just… yeah. But what- What do you mean another?"

"I…" 

Austin finally let out the breath he had been holding with a shiver, shaking his head.

How the hell was he supposed to explain the sermons? The concept itself, the power they had, the cruelty of it all, how it was meant to be good, somehow.

Even if he had the words to explain, he lacked the ability to say them as half-repressed memories crashed onto him once more, his throat constricting and tears stinging at the backs of his eyes. 

Even as his vision blurred, he could still see the look on Jeff's face turn from already painfully sad to agonizingly concerned, clearly putting Austin above himself, and Austin couldn't fucking stand it. He wanted to get away, refuse to let Jeff see him like this and ruin everything, but his limbs refused to move, the same vice around his neck seeming to hold him down.

"Woah, hey…" Jeff murmured, making it explicitly clear to Austin that he could feel every whirling gust of the storm brewing in Austin's chest, and he hated it. This was the last thing Jeff needed right now, he was hurt too-

Jeff's hands found their way into Austin's as if pulling him up for air, surrounding him in gentle waves and sunlight, comfort in company.

And like a drowning man to a life preserver, Austin fell into Jeff's arms, focusing on the one thing that mattered in that moment; breathing.

Slowly but surely, Austin composed himself, appreciating the warm, calming tides of Jeff's call as they washed over him, but focusing more and more on reality; Jeff's arms around him, his body still wet but oddly enough, Austin didn't mind, and the warmth and texture of his skin as Austin's hands travelled along his back. The patches of shifting watercolor felt bumpy under his fingertips, and the greater patches of pure sharkskin were rough like sandpaper, a stark contrast from the smooth flesh that Austin couldn't help exploring.

And as he came to find himself, indulging in the touch, his thoughts settled and came to the conclusion that this; the warmth, the comfort, the physical indulgence, the moment to breathe;

Jeff had been needing it too.

Austin didn't want to be the first to pull away; he didn't want to pull away at all, but he still felt the need to say something.

"Sorry," was all he could choke out.

"It's okay," Jeff replied, matching his volume, barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to… scare you, or remind you of anything bad, it's… You don't have to talk about it, or anything."

Austin shook his head, fingers circling around one of the rougher patches. He noted to himself that it was probably bad that he actually wanted to tell Jeff, just given that he wasn't actually human, that would be a little bit difficult. Jeff wasn't human, was the thing Austin kept coming back to. He was speaking to, trusting, hugging someone that wasn't human. Someone with patches of sharkskin, rough under his fingertips, with a heavy tail curled around him and teeth , only inches away from Austin's neck.

Somehow, he didn't mind. 

Maybe it was that somehow, yet again illogically, he knew Jeff trusted him too. The position was certainly vulnerable, but…

"It's not- It's fine, just…" Austin distracted himself by speaking, disregarding the theoretical danger and the issue of trust. He was never one for thinking through these types of things logically. Or at all. Just, being smart in general. 

"People, are… Humans are-" Austin rephrased, reminding himself that Jeff wasn't human , and could use the clarification. Austin needed the clarification too, honestly. Even when he could look up at any moment and find a heavy shark tail and a mouth full of spikes, skin marked with gills, shark skin and remnants of saltwater, he still found his view of Jeff slipping. 

No matter how much Austin liked to doubt himself and would likely prefer, Jeff wasn't a monster. To his knowledge, at least. He could treat him like he was human.

He wasn't quite sure when that happened, but he figured it might have been around the time Jeff saved his life. 

"... Cruel, sometimes," Austin finished hesitantly, holding onto Jeff like he might sink away into the waves. 

Jeff didn't need that to be explained to him, did he? He had just said that he had felt someone die, someone like him, his brethren, and it wasn't an unlikely guess to say they had been hunted. Maybe Austin could treat Jeff like he was human, but he wasn't. Far from it.

No, Jeff was better.

Jeff was the first to pull away, but he didn't hesitate in tracing his hands down Austin's arms to join their hands again, nodding solemnly and fixing Austin with a look of understanding that Austin, ironically, couldn't.

"I'm sorry," Jeff murmured, the calming tide faltering. Jeff knew, of course.

Austin shook his head, unconsciously engaging in a battle of who could look sadder. Maybe Jeff was already an animal, but Austin had the puppy-dog thing locked down. He knew that Jeff knew, and that made him feel so much worse.

"Don't be. It's-"

"If they hurt you, I- I'm assuming they did-" Jeff stammered, rubbing his thumbs over Austin's hands. "That's- You're allowed to feel hurt. I don't know if you're saying because it's your people, or whatever, it's not as bad, but-"

"I'm just saying humans suck," Austin huffed, almost wishing that Jeff would let go. Almost.

Jeff set his jaw, like he would be nibbling on his bottom lip if not for his teeth. His eyes were wide, a worthy match for Austin's own, and Austin noticed, oh that's very different, as he met with a clear, almost blinding sky blue.

He had no idea why Jeff's eyes changed, but the look itself only made Austin feel so much worse .

"... As is the nature of… most living things, I guess," Jeff murmured, his hands remaining firmly in Austin's. "Doesn't make that pain any better, but you're hardly alone."

"Yeah, but humans, like, mega-suck. Have you heard of fireworks? And guns? Horror movies? All we do is just… terrorize each other. I don't know, fishing nets? "

"That doesn't…" Jeff trailed off, eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't actually have to answer that."

"Yeah, I know what fireworks are, they set them off seaside, right?"

Austin tried to remember the last fireworks show he had been to, that wasn't on his driveway. Did they do them seaside?

"Uh… sometimes, I guess."

"They're pretty, though."

"They're loud. They scare my mom's dogs."

"Oh," Jeff murmured, averting his eyes. "I mean… I pretty much have to watch them from underwater, so I don't get, like…"

Austin got the memo.

"Y'know. So, I guess that makes them harder to hear, but they're pretty when they, like… reflect, in the waves. Makes 'em look like they're moving with it, all sparkly, and… Yeah."

Austin nodded, sighing. He already knew they lived in two completely different worlds, so this shouldn't have surprised him.

But yet again, he was stricken with the desire to be a part of that other world, the one that was so much calmer, prettier, better. He felt cruel even sharing the uglier parts of his own.

"That sounds better, honestly."

"Guess so. But, uh, guns, yeah. Horror movies, I guess… not, but I get the premise. Guess I haven't really had to worry about either, underwater…"

Austin nodded again, that twisting feeling returning to his stomach, although the cause was somehow even more vague than it had been before. If it was Jeff, or if it was just his own stupid feelings, his jealousy, his guilt, he couldn't be sure.

"You're lucky."

Austin knew that came out more bitter than he had meant it to be, but it seemed like an apt reflection of his feelings. Jeff shrunk a bit again, shrugging, eyes occasionally flicking back to the sea.

"Maybe," Jeff sighed, but Austin knew that wasn't his true answer. No, I'm not. "But… I don't know. There's good and bad to everything, I guess."

"What is your… uh, what is it like underwater?"

Jeff chuckled, somewhat bitterly, and Austin wondered if he was going to regret asking that.

"It's… like I said, good and bad to it. It's mostly just… dark. And quiet, and it's always either like nothing ever happens or it's just, so overwhelming. Y'know, I try to keep myself sane with collecting the seashells and looking up at the waves or the stars, but-" Jeff rambled, gesturing vaguely with his hands, portraying a sort of passion that made Austin think he had been wanting to tell someone about this for a long, long time. "Ugh, you have no idea how many times I'd just be floating there, and then I'd zone out, and then I'd snap back to reality and I'm just somewhere totally different, or- Literally, I got way too close to the beach a couple times, or there'd just be people or boats around and I'd- Yeah."

"Guess you know your way around though, right?"

"Oh- Of course. You get to know the way the tide moves, and what that means… I never end up too far from home anyway."

Austin wasn't quite sure what Jeff considered his home, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to ask.

"Yeah… Do you…" Austin trailed off, weighing the question he was about to ask in his mind. He really wasn't sure what he was still being so careful for, so nervous about. Whether or not this was a good idea, maybe he was just really bad at math. "Do you think it would be, like… easier for you if there were never any humans around?"

Jeff frowned, tilting his head to the side and giving Austin those big, sad eyes again, ones that he wanted to drown himself in. Because oh, that was a mistake, wasn't it?

"Wh- Well… Where's the fun in that, then?"

"Fun?"

"I don't- I- I mean… If it wasn't for humans, I'd just be… even more lonely than I already was. I wouldn't get to watch the people from the beaches or watch the boats go by, I wouldn't get to learn about the language and the technology and just- everything. Maybe it's harder for you to see because you've grown up in it, but there is good, here."

Austin couldn't help wondering if Jeff held that same sort of blindness towards the sea, his true home. Austin couldn't know for sure, but Jeff's speech simply didn't sit right with him.

"But you still have to hide from humans, don't you?"

"Not all of them."

Fuck, Jeff smiled at him when he said that, truly a minuscule flash of sharp teeth between his lips, eyes still pitifully wide but seeming a little happier, but all of it really just made Austin want to cry again.

"But-"

"Austin, I'm pretty sure we're the ones you're meant to be scared of. We're the ones with teeth, and the calls, and just- everything."

"Still, I-" Austin stammered, partially knowing that Jeff had a point, but as suddenly as it seemed, he couldn't let himself believe it. He knew full well that he had used to, and he wasn't sure when he had changed, but Jeff was the least scary thing in this entire town. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know when that had changed for him. "Either way, I… Whatever, just…"

Jeff gave him another one of those worried, recklessly curious, caring looks, like he already knew the gravity of the topics on Austin's mind. He squeezed Austin's hands, reminding Austin of the comforting pressure that he had practically forgotten about, grounding him.

"What?" Jeff asked, hardly louder than a whisper, somehow registering with Austin as something more like it's okay.

"I… I guess I've been meaning to ask this for a while," Austin replied, knowing he probably wasn't ready for whatever response he was going to get from Jeff. He swallowed, somehow meeting Jeff's gaze, and…

It must have been that calming tide again, allowing him to speak.

"Why… Why did you save me?"

Jeff's face fell, even further than it already had. His grip on Austin's hands loosened ever so slightly, and even that meaningless motion made Austin feel like he was sinking. The tide surged, Austin wasn't sure if Jeff was doing that intentionally or not, but Austin felt like he was drowning again. Of course, he was the one diving in head first, yet again.

"I…" Jeff stammered, struggling to make sense of the question. "You would have died. Regardless of… whatever, nobody deserves to die like that. And…”

Jeff scooted a bit closer, taking one hand back from Austin’s grip and rising to cup Austin’s cheek, their faces much closer now than Austin was expecting. Those big, blue doe eyes were burning into his skull, the lightest of touches against Austin’s skin and the flutter of his eyelashes powering a hurricane. And oh, Austin was still drowning. He wasn’t sure how much longer he would last.

Why couldn’t Jeff see that? Could he?

“I guess you could say it’s stupid, or I’m wrong, but… never in a million years would I regret pulling you out. Not if it was anyone else, not if they just- took one look at me and tried to rip my tail off. You’re- That’s enough for me in itself, but…”

Jeff averted his gaze, swallowing, dropping his hand down to Austin’s shoulder.

“I… You can call it stupid, or dangerous, or whatever, but… I had always wanted, and- hoped for … something more. More of that… connection, more cool stuff, more… humanity. More you. And… whether or not you’re happy about it, you’ve given me that,” Jeff continued, a smile spreading across his face, teeth sharp and glimmering, almost sticking his tongue out, and…

Something had to be fucking wrong with him, because Austin thought that might have been the cutest thing he had ever seen. His mom’s puppies could step aside, he had found his own, and-

He didn’t have time to question his own billowing, conflicting and frankly, terrifying emotions. But he felt like he was getting better at handling them, although he wasn’t sure if that was actually a good thing. Regardless, Jeff continued.

“So, you can say whatever you want about the state of mankind, but I guess that’s… kind of been what I’ve always wanted. At the very least, just to know, and…”

Jeff trailed off a bit, squeezing Austin’s shoulder before sliding off, barely holding on just above his elbow.

“Maybe it’s not exactly reasonable, but… my best case scenario would be to… I guess, have a little bit of that for myself.”

Austin sighed, left breathless just by the look on Jeff’s face, so hopeful and adorable again. His feelings were all jumbled again, he knew, because physically he was struggling to breathe, but mentally he felt like he was soaring. His entire body felt slightly numb, electricity pooling in his fingertips, feeling as if he was floating. 

He could breathe again, and that was all that mattered. Sort of. Maybe he wasn't all there physically, but he was okay. They were.

It’s okay.

“Jeff-”

“And, Austin, I- You could just- jump off a helicopter three times a day into the middle of the ocean-”

“I- I’m surprised you know what helicopters are.”

“I- Yeah, I actually see them pretty often,” Jeff added, the distraction only lasting a moment. “You could do that and- I wouldn’t care, I would pull you out a thousand times over, just to keep that, this. Because…”

Austin met Jeff’s eyes again, and Austin knew he meant it.

“Maybe I just got really lucky, if a majority of humans are just- horrible, like you say they are, but… I at least know you’re not. You’re… that, to me. You’re special, and… Yeah,” Jeff finished, somewhat unceremoniously, sitting back and waiting with bated breath for Austin’s response.

Austin knew there was a lot of things he could say. He could deny it, he could double down on the all humans are horrible thing, he could ask just how exactly  Jeff knew he was different, but…

The one thing Austin knew was that he couldn’t say no to him. Not to that face. He could deny it and rag on about it all he wanted, and maybe he was leading Jeff on somehow, but that simply wasn’t what Austin wanted. He knew they wanted the same thing; more.

Maybe they weren’t so different, humans and… whatever Jeff called himself, his kind. Merfolk, Mer-kind? Shark… kind? Fish people. Fishies. 

Sure.

Austin couldn’t help breaking into a smile, causing Jeff’s face to light up like a damn Christmas tree. He didn’t know what a Christmas tree was, did he? Austin would have to show him.

“On the condition that you let me see more of your world, too, alright? I- Yeah,” Austin stammered, the words threatening to fail him, but Jeff seemed to understand.

“Deal.” Jeff beamed at him, sharp teeth that used to terrify him now nothing more than simply teeth, reflectors of the sunshine that was pouring out of Jeff’s face and would probably blind Austin if he stared for too long.

“Deal,” Austin repeated, looking over and catching his backpack out of the corner of his eye and remembering. “I- Oh, actually, you know what? I’ll start.”

Austin grabbed his backpack, digging around for the ball of string and for the shells that had holes big enough for the string to fit through, which he realized he probably should have sorted out first. Jeff watched attentively, unjudging, eyes just as wide as they had been almost this entire time. 

“Okay, so. Y’know, humans have, uh… clothes. And, uh, it’s mostly ladies that do this, but sometimes they wear jewelry, around their necks or their wrists or anything like that, and they’re just meant to be pretty.”

“Pretty,” Jeff repeated, as if weighing the word on his tongue as Austin continued digging out his shells.

“Yeah. And I noticed some of the shells you gave me had little holes in them, so I thought I could put them on a string and make them into a necklace. We could have matching ones, if you want.”

Austin looked up from the pile of seashells he had picked out so far to find Jeff giggling like a child, making it clear that yeah, he totally wanted that.

Austin got back to work, letting Jeff pick out which shells he wanted. Austin had picked out two pearls, figuring that they would each get one, but Jeff seemed oddly set on giving Austin both. Because he was the one that gave them to Austin in the first place, he figured, and they were pretty.

Yet again, Austin couldn’t say no to him. 

Also, he forgot to bring scissors, so he had to practically hack the pieces of string with his key to the length he wanted them to be. He wasn’t sure if Jeff knew what scissors were, but he kind of hoped not.

“How come only ladies wear stuff like this?” Jeff asked, struggling to thread his own shells onto the string, still clearly over the moon about the entire thing.

“I- Well, it’s not only ladies, just mostly. ‘Cause a lot of guys are just kind of… weird, like that. Since it’s traditionally feminine, or whatever, they just don’t like it.”

Jeff hummed, like he didn’t entirely understand, but was much more engaged in threading his third and final shell which simply wouldn’t cooperate. 

“Do you guys actually have, like… gender?” Austin asked, satisfied with his thread of two shells and two pearls, figuring he shouldn’t over do it. Even if it would be pretty.

Jeff shrugged, unbothered.

Once Jeff had finally threaded his, Austin tied it around his neck, apologizing for not having an actual clasp or anything, and explaining how it might break and it’s okay if it does, he could fix it; all while Jeff sat contently, still grinning.

Jeff did the same for him, with much more of a struggle given that he had much less experience with tying knots. Austin knew he probably wouldn’t be able to get it off without breaking it, but didn’t complain; simply noted to himself that he probably should get some actual clasps.

Jeff was happy though. That was all that really mattered in the moment.

Once Jeff was done, he turned Austin around and adjusted the necklace, admiring the pearls before his eyes flickered back up to meet with Austin.

“Pretty,” was all he said, still with a smile that melted Austin’s heart.

Eventually, they parted as the sun began to set, Jeff returning to the sea with a flourish, his smile completely unwavering. The presence around Austin’s neck was a comfort in Jeff’s absence as he headed home, and he knew that they had struck a pretty good deal.

Anything that made Jeff that happy had to be good, but him too…

Austin was already thinking about what he’d bring next time.

Chapter Text

Austin sighed, flopping down onto his bed. It really wasn't all that late, but he was still exhausted, his racing thoughts finally beginning to slow now that he was home.

Being with Jeff always seemed to do that to him; these last few nights had been some of the best he'd slept in recent memory. Or any memory, really. Maybe that was just a Jeff thing, that his very presence was so calming and tranquil that as soon as he made it home, he wanted to pass out. It might have to do with how much Austin could just feel around him too, how his brain worked at a mile a minute just trying to figure out himself, what he should say, what Jeff was thinking; it was exhilarating in all of the best, yet scariest ways. Maybe it just had to do with that Austin was actually leaving the house regularly for the first time in… years?

That sounded way too sad. But either way, Austin had to owe it to Jeff. The longer he thought about it, it was honestly scary just how happy Jeff made him; after everything, after the initial rescue, after becoming acutely aware of all of Jeff's little quirks and abilities, all of the ways Jeff could kill him; somehow, he had gotten to this point without being drowned again or getting his throat ripped out, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

He trusted Jeff just as much as he trusted anyone else in this town, if not more, but he paused that train of thought before he could knock himself out. That was the speed his mind always worked at around Jeff, he supposed, and it was much too late for that.

It was only, like, 9:30, but still. Much too late.

And still, he had work to do. 

He let himself rest for a moment, barely hanging on to consciousness, then forced himself back upright. He was still smiling, he noticed, and he couldn't quite get himself to stop. That calming tide Jeff showed him, the waves themselves were long gone from him, but the sunlight itself, the warmth had been slowly fading, but hadn't yet fully gone away. Austin wouldn't mind if it never did. 

There was still so much he wanted to show Jeff, so much he couldn't even keep his thoughts straight. He had to settle for whatever he could scrounge up in his room for now, but the very concept of the future excited him like he was a kid at an amusement park. Even what he had on hand right now was so exciting, it was kind of ridiculous.

He focused first on his bedside table, and already, his thoughts were moving way too fast for him to keep up with. Books, his glasses he never wore, candy, general living stuff, nail polish he had been sort of hiding-

Okay, slow down.

Could Jeff even read? Presumably, but he supposed he didn’t actually know. But either way, probably not all that interesting to him, and not worth the potential water damage. His glasses? Maybe he would think they were funny. Mark that one down as a maybe. Candy, he could try it, although given how the granola bar thing went down, he doubted Jeff would like it any better. Maybe, though. Not like Jeff needed his tissues or anything. Nail polish… maybe? Would that be good for Jeff? He had nails, definitely, but his skin wasn't exactly… the same as Austin's, and he probably wouldn't like the smell.

Maybe one day. For now, N&N's, his glasses, and oh, some coins too, just because. Into his backpack they went. What else, his phone he'd obviously have to bring, for Mcjones purposes and just to show Jeff anything he couldn't physically give to him. Maybe they could watch a movie or something, now that he thought about it. Would Jeff like music? Presumably he'd be hearing, as often as he's around humans, even from afar. What kind, though? Would Jeff even know?

All of the possibilities made Austin's head spin. God, he wanted it all, he wanted it all for Jeff. He couldn't think of another time he cared so much and wanted to do so much for anyone, not even himself.

Jeff deserved it all. That was never even a question for him, it was all about just what exactly Austin could do. No matter what, Jeff would always deserve more.

Austin cut off that train of thought before it went much further, because the concept of deserve had always been a bit strange. Austin knew he didn't deserve Jeff. Not in a million years, he knew. But did he deserve to still be able to come to the beach, to still be in his presence? Did he deserve to be rescued? Will he ever deserve-

It always goes like that, and Austin just didn't have the time. Right now, all he wanted was some fun, some things that will hopefully make Jeff happy, stepping stones on the endless journey that is repaying Jeff for saving his freaking life. 

He couldn't have continued regardless, as there came a knock at the door.

Austin's heart skipped a beat, snapping to face the door and practically throwing his backpack to the floor. Oh, fuck, okay. Just Mcjones.

…

Wait, no, this sucks.

"Hey," Stewart said, having already opened the door and leaning against the doorframe, with narrowed eyes and the slightest beginning of a smirk at Austin's display of panic. "Why do you look like I just caught you jacking off?"

"Wh- I- Dude," Austin sputtered, ignoring the fact that his face had to be bright red as he stood up, crossing his arms. "You're supposed to knock, and then I open the door, usually."

"Okay, genius. Y'know, I was just coming in here to just talk about stuff, but now here you are launching all your fucking shit across the room, because what-"

"Because I panicked! You freaking jumpscared me, asshole!"

"I knocked on the door. It's crazy, it's almost like you're overly anxious because  you're hiding something," Stewart snickered, as if he knew fucking anything.

"Or- Wh- Or maybe it's because I have freaking anxiety! Just- what do you want?"

Stewart rolled his eyes, rapping his nails against the doorframe.

"To talk, Austin. We made an agreement, didn't we?"

Austin moved his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

… It had been two days. Two, since they'd had their little heart to heart in the hallway. Literally how did that whole thing slip his mind?

"... Oh my God, dude, I totally forgot about that."

Stewart let out a heavy sigh, stepping forward and closing the door behind him. He massaged his temples before unceremoniously and unwelcomely flopping down onto Austin's bed.

"Why am I not even surprised?" Stewart mumbled into his hands, seemingly to purposely blind himself to Austin standing idly and uncomfortably.

"Can you… get off my bed?"

"Can we talk?" Stewart snapped, propping himself up on his side like a teenage girl at a sleepover, only somehow a lot more threatening. "Or did you already fuckin' forget, again?"

Austin stood unmoving for another couple seconds, his jaw clenched, before sighing and taking a reluctant seat on the edge of his bed.

"... What do you wanna know?"

Austin could really only see it in the corner of his eye, but he knew Stewart was smirking. Asshole.

"Where were you? Before, I mean. Same place as you were today?" 

"Yep. Got it already," Austin replied, eager to just brush this whole thing off. "Can you get off my bed yet?"

"Shut up," Stewart grumbled, and Austin was at least a bit comforted in the fact that he wasn't smirking anymore. Although the other, much more relevant and worrying fact was that Stewart seemed genuinely concerned, even upset, and that was never easy for either of them. "Just- Tell me. The GPS didn't fuck up, did it? You were actually… there."

"Yeah," Austin confirmed unceremoniously, and he was starting to feel a bit guilty about it.

Stewart was quiet for a moment, feeling longer than the time they had actually been talking. Repeatedly, he took a breath as if he was about to speak, then pushed it out in frustration, still failing to find any words to say. 

Austin had no idea what to say either, if there was any comfort in that. 

"Just… Why?" Stewart mumbled, not nearly as eloquently as he would have liked. "I don't… I don't even know where to begin with that."

Austin still couldn't find all that much to say, but he had a feeling this was going to drag on for a while.

Austin sighed, laying down on his back, forcing himself to stare at the ceiling rather than Stewart. 

"... I don't really know either. But… I'm… I know it probably doesn't sound like it at all, but I'm trying to be safe."

"How. What about what you're doing is even attempting to be safe?" Stewart snapped, a murky concoction of several painful emotions in his voice, but clearly too inhibited by them, too tired to actually fight. In all fairness, so was Austin, but neither of them could back down at this point.

Austin sighed, clawing at the blanket just to give his hands something to do.

"So. I'm there for… someone, okay?"

"Your friend's cousin, still?"

"Uh- Y-yeah. His name's, uh…"

The whole point of this agreement was to finally have to stop fucking lying all the time, but what else was Austin supposed to do? If the stupid cousin thing had already gotten this much mileage, what choice did he have?

He could have stopped, he supposed. But it was too late for that now.

"Fabio. His name's Fabio. Gill. And we've been meeting there because really, it's safer than anywhere else in the town, can't lie. It's not- It's not like I'm getting that close to the water or anything, it's just that there aren't any people around, and it's quiet, and- Yeah."

Austin could have kept rambling, offering meaningless comforts and lying about shit he could have somewhat reasonably cleared up, but he felt like Stewart would have sat up and strangled him if he went any further. 

"... Okay, Austin, I'm… like, 95% sure that your friend, Shane, doesn't have a cousin visiting right now. Or a cousin at all. Especially not one named Fabio, but I just… really don't fucking care."

"Sweet," Austin added, unthinkingly and immediately coming to the conclusion that he really shouldn't have. 

"I- Shut the fuck up. I'm just trying to make sure that you're safe, Peebs. And I'm not particularly convinced, and you're not fucking helping. The whole point of this stupid agreement was that neither of us were gonna lie to eachother anymore, but hey, guess that might have been unrealistic."

Stewart chuckled at the end of that sentence, but it was humorless, and for lack of a better use of his breath.

Somehow, some deeply buried and incredibly stupid part of Austin thought he should make it worse.

"Well, okay, the agreement was that we'd both be honest about what's been happening, and you haven't exactly upholded your end yet, so don't get on me for it."

Austin's odds of not getting strangled were rapidly decreasing, but he felt like that would be a mercy at this point.

"You're fucking kidding," Stewart grumbled, sounding like he was on the verge of something, but Austin had no idea what. Tears? A mental breakdown? Committing a murder? Or just getting up and walking away?

Austin really wished it was the last, but he knew it wasn't.

"You're acting like such a little bitch. Maybe I would have gotten to that point of the agreement if you didn't keep lying, and bullshitting, and acting like- just- I'm not the one who's in some immediate danger, okay? Can we just talk about that?" Stewart growled, barely sitting up and leaning on his arm, but still lacking the energy for anything more.

"I'm not in some immediate danger, Mcjones. Seriously."

"You can't fucking say that without lying about something, can you? You can't back that up."

Austin was pretty sure he was rooting for Mcjones to murder him in cold blood at this point.

"... I'm not going alone, and I'm not going anywhere near the water. It's safer than going anywhere else would be, and just… I don't know what else I can tell you."

At least that part wasn't a lie; Austin really didn't know what else he could say. 

"... Well, if you won't tell me who you're actually with or what you're actually doing, I don't know what else I can ask," Stewart murmured, defeated, which instilled Austin with a twisted sort of pride.

"Cool. We done then?"

"No. Fuck you."

"... Oh."

Still, Stewart didn't seem to have much left to say, or at least struggled in searching for more, taking another agonizing moment of silence. 

Austin couldn't bear to look at him for more than maybe half a second at a time, and with substantial breaks. Stewart was actually trying, which was new and pretty scary, but should have been something good. Austin wanted to try too, but what was he meant to say, really? If he told him about Jeff, Stewart would probably want him institutionalized. He probably still thought Austin had brain damage from a lack of oxygen, or something. At least he had an alibi.

Austin felt bad, he really did. But he didn't have a choice, and unless the worst were ever to come and Stewart just had to know the truth, this had to be for the best. For both of them.

"Just… Is it too much to ask that you go… Anywhere but there?" Stewart practically whispered, laying back down on his back, making it clear that he wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon. God. “I don’t even- I’m hoping you’re being physically safe with it, that’s great, but I don’t care if you’re alone or with your mystery boy, or whether or not you’re getting close to the water, just…”

Stewart trailed off, taking another agonizing moment to compose himself, and while Austin still refused to look directly at him, the little gasping, struggling noises he made were deafening and just pitiful. Stewart- Mcjones was never supposed to be like this. There was still a bit of pride from the familial sense of spite that came from the idea that Austin was coming out on top here, but that was only a momentary distraction, and one that linked back directly to their problem.

He did this to him. Austin couldn’t remember seeing his brother like this… ever, and even in less emotional moments than this, it always seemed so overwhelmingly wrong. Ever concerned and condescendingly caring towards Austin’s safety, sure, but never this… genuinely sad. Like Austin thought before, defeated.

Whether or not Austin really had a choice, it was his fault.

“... Are you sure that’s… Good for you, mentally? Because I think if I were you, I… That’s the last place I’d want to be. It just doesn't make sense, that's the last place I want you to be, Peebs. That has to be, like… triggering, somehow, doesn’t it?” Stewart asked, a sense of weakened, yet still potent desperation in his voice. 

Austin still couldn’t bring himself to look at his brother, but at least he understood what it was all about at this point.

“... Mcjones, I’m… I’m pretty sure I don’t actually… remember the whole incident like you do. Like, yeah, I remember falling and then walking up, but, just… Not like you do.”

That was a lie, bold faced and in 72 point font, screaming with inaccuracy and guilt. But at the end of the day, it came to the same conclusion Austin was aiming for, or at least wanted to believe; that things were okay.

“I don’t… feel anything when I go there, when I stare at the water, it’s just… If anything, it’s pretty. And I don’t know what you’re thinking I should feel, if that’s fear, or whatever, but I… really, just don’t. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

It would have been so fucking obvious he was lying if not for the lack of any other reasonable conclusion, which in a way, was trapping them both. Austin could be forgetful, he had proven that already, and stupid too, but not on this scale. He had always been the emotional one, in need of care and being watched over, and he had always been scared of the ocean, of its inhabitants and its depth and all of its vagueness ever since he could remember. Nothing he said was really making sense anymore, but it was all he could say.

Even if he didn’t really have a choice, Austin still felt like an awful person.

"... Really?" Stewart mumbled, not sounding like he really believed Austin, but what choice did he have? "That's… That's just incredibly fucked up. That's not fair at all."

No, it wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair. It wasn't fair that Austin had to lie like this, it wasn't fair that he had to make Stewart feel like this, it wasn't fair that this town only cared about them when it wanted to bend and break them back into place, and it wasn't fair that Jeff saved Austin in the first place.

Now wasn't the time for that conversation, and it wasn't easy to think about it at all, but Austin knew he didn't deserve to be saved. He'd be dead right now if it wasn't for Jeff, and that was both the easiest and the absolute hardest thing to accept. Maybe things would be easier if Austin had died, if he had just sunk and never been found.

Maybe easier wasn't the right word; if Stewart was this hurt now, Austin couldn't even imagine what he'd be like. But he wouldn't be lying through his teeth and digging into his brother's wounds with every word that passed his lips, so maybe it would have had its benefits.

"... Guess it really isn't," Austin replied, tacking on a half hearted chuckle in an attempt at lightening the mood, but only dragging it further down. "It's like… I… Well, I don't remember falling all that much, but I remember waking up and freaking out, but… I don't know. It's just like… It happened and it's over, which… Isn't fair to you, I know, but it just… doesn't really matter to me anymore."

It wasn't nearly as long of a moment of silence from Stewart, but it was still just as heavy. 

"... Really isn't," Stewart said, a strangled quality to his voice, almost sniffling. "Really isn't. Cause I'm still, just… so scared of losing you, you know that? I still… remember that day so well, that fear and that panic, it was… I didn't tell you I've been having nightmares, did I?"

"... No?"

Austin really would have preferred never knowing. 

“Course I didn’t,” Stewart said with a confounding, incredibly upsetting humor to his voice, and Austin knew that if he looked at him and he was smiling through all this, he’d probably die. “It’s only been… Eight? Nine days since the thing? I- Fuck, I don’t even remember, but I’ve just been- Trying to stay awake, every fucking night, because every time I fall asleep I go back there. I go back to thinking you’re gone, and I wake up wanting to scream and gasping and, just…”

Stewart took a ragged breath, seeming honestly pained, like there was still a bit of water in his chest, pins and needles that he couldn’t quite vomit up.

“It’s not fair. Not to you, not to me, but it just feels like… You’re the one who fell in, but it still feels like I’m the one drowning.”

Then he was quiet again.

… 

“... Hey, Mcjones?”

“What.”

“Sit up.”

Austin practically forced him up, crawling up the bed and pulling Stewart into his arms. It took a Stewart a moment to relax into it, holding him even tighter and almost shivering as he searched for his composure. But it all felt… nice, for once. Austin didn’t really know if he could say that Stewart felt the same, but at least there was that.

Austin couldn’t even remember the last time he hugged him.

“... I’m sorry.”

“Nothing for you to be sorry for,” Stewart replied, still somewhat buried in Austin’s chest. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, if anything, I just… I really need you to be safe, Peebs. Please. I don’t know what I can even ask you to do, but just… Please.”

Austin felt bad, he really did. But there was nothing he could do. 

He should have been happy that Stewart was finally opening up, being honest for once and doing anything other than just harassing him, but he just… couldn’t. Not in this context. Not when it was Jeff on the line. He should have been happy for, even proud of Stewart for being brave enough to pour his heart out like this, but all it was was something Austin would have to mop up after when all this was done. He never liked seeing Stewart like this; for that matter, neither did he. So maybe they could both benefit by just moving on, cleaning up and leaving it all in the past.

Austin wasn’t sure if he could believe that, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

“... Yeah, I love you too,” Austin sighed, and even if it wasn’t a word either of them used often, one that Stewart wouldn’t let him use most of the time, he really did mean it. 

---

“You okay…?” Dean asked, jostling Stewart slightly, who seemed to be falling asleep in his seat. Which was somewhat impressive, giving he was sitting completely upright on the edge of Dean’s van, staring at the dwindling fire and with ocean waves roaring in his ears. 

“Yeah. Just tired,” Stewart replied, not telling the entire truth, but it certainly wasn’t a lie. It had to be hypocritical of him to keep coming here, but he supposed he and Austin might have had the same motives all along. It was the beach, which wasn’t totally ideal, but it was safe. And it had Dean. 

Stewart wasn’t even sure how Dean managed to drive his van in and out of the sand like this, if that was good for it at all, but he already had way too much to think about to care.

“... Did you talk to Austin?” Dean asked again, although it was a question he already knew the answer to. He always saw right through him.

“Mhmm.”

“How’d that go?”

“... He’s still not telling me shit,” Stewart grumbled, sitting up a little straighter and readjusting Dean’s arm around him. “He knows how much I just… need him safe, and I think he’s gonna try a little more with that, but just… He’s just acting like an idiot, as always. I don’t know what else to do. I’m just… so tired.”

“You look tired,” Dean said, with a certain fondness in his voice that Stewart knew he didn’t deserve. “Wish there was more I could do. You wanna try… napping again, maybe?”

Stewart knew he didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve anything Dean gave him, didn’t deserve his stupid blanket fort in his stupid van that Stewart had never even seen him drive, didn’t deserve the comforting burst of embers whenever Dean kicked another piece of wood onto the fire, and he most certainly didn’t deserve to feel so safe. Not here, at least.

And yet, here he was.

“... Yeah, I think so,” Stewart admitted, so willing to be wrapped up in Dean’s arms and simply fall into him that he felt like a walking contradiction. A weak one, at that. 

But, fuck, he could never say no. Not when it made Dean smile like he did, embers and stars reflecting in his eyes that shone with compassion, pressing a quick kiss to Stewart’s forehead as he helped him up and towards the other end of the van.

“You still want me to wake you up if it looks like things are going bad?”

“Yes, please,” Stewart practically begged, his voice breaking slightly. 

Dean didn’t say it; not at any point earlier in the night, not when he was snuggling back up next to Stewart, or if he did, Stewart was too sleepy to process it. But he knew, somewhere deep down that he had been working to uncover; Dean loved him, and he loved him too.

Which was scary first, freeing second, and third and most importantly of all, something he hadn’t earned in the slightest.

Maybe one day, that would be okay.

Chapter Text

Austin thought he might have seemed a little too eager to get out of the house, back to Jeff. But after his conversation with Stewart, it didn’t come as much of a surprise. What else was he meant to do?

Was he meant to actually confront those feelings a bit more head on, rather than put them off indefinitely and distract himself by lugging a backpack full of random shit all the way to the beach? Hell no. 

Maybe one day, but neither of them were ready for that yet. And in Austin’s mind, Jeff was the priority. He always had been.

Truly, Austin wasn’t complaining nearly as much as he would in any other circumstance. The backpack stuffed full with coins, a package of candy, an actual towel this time, thank God, and everything that Austin carried in his heart, which was so much more than should have been reasonable, for how long he had known Jeff. The backpack and his whole outfit itself weren’t particularly ideal for the heat, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was that pull Austin had grown so used to, longed for. 

And when he found Jeff, in that same, almost supernaturally deserted spot on the beach, it was only then that his legs complained, but their plight was long past irrelevant at that point. 

“Hey. Got you stuff,” Austin breathed, digging into his backpack as soon as he was on his knees in the sand, already diminishing the purpose of bringing his towel, but fuck, he just didn’t care. Jeff was smiling at him, flicking his fin in anticipation, and that was all that mattered. The world could crumble and end all around Austin, falling into the void, and the way Jeff smiled at him would still be the only thing that mattered.

But Austin was getting ahead of himself. 

“Hey. How you doing?” Jeff asked, grinning wider, Austin noticed, than he had actually dared to before all this. Before he knew Austin wasn’t so scared of it, which was a revelation in and of itself; but yet again, he was getting ahead of himself.

“Oh- uh- good. I’m good. And, brought you a bunch of stuff,” Austin explained, pulling the towel out first and laying it down, barely flat enough to be acceptable, but good enough. “Uh, towel first. But-”

“Y’know, I never actually figured out what these were for,” Jeff interrupted, giggling as he eyed the towel with curiosity, gingerly picking up the corner before dropping it suddenly. “I thought they were like… clothes, or something?”

“Um- Well, no, ” Austin said, trying to keep himself from laughing and barely succeeding. He was just too cute. “It’s for, uh. Well, you can use it to dry off after swimming, and you can sit on it to keep from getting quite as sandy when you’re on the beach. Stuff like that.”

Jeff blinked, not seeming to actually register any of the words Austin said.

“... Okay.”

Of course Jeff wouldn’t see the point in it; another thing about him that was just too cute. Cute didn’t even seem like the right adjective at this point. It wasn’t like Jeff was a child, it was so recently that Austin was utterly terrified, and maybe you weren’t really supposed to call your friend cute. Let alone over and over again. Even if it felt like Jeff was his only real friend.

… He still couldn’t deny it though. Maybe it wasn’t suited for being said out loud, but it was the truth, and Austin laughed as he scooted onto the towel, digging further into his backpack. 

“But, uh, yeah. Other stuff, we got some coins and stuff down here somewhere, we got- Oh, we got some candy!” Austin exclaimed, pulling out the N&N’s with more enthusiasm than it was probably worth. “I’m not sure if you’ll like it, really, but. Wanna give it a shot?”

Jeff eyed the colorful package suspiciously, not seeming to trust the strange, red rotund creature on the front. 

“Sure,” Jeff shrugged, scooting closer and picking one carefully out of the bag, a yellow one, and simply stared at it for a good while.

“Why is it so…?” Jeff asked, not even finding the word to describe just what about it it was, simply gesturing to it and looking like he had just seen some terrifyingly mysterious sea creature.

“Food coloring,” Austin chuckled, taking one for himself and popping it into his mouth. “It’s fine, really. It’s sweet, actually.”

Come to think of it, Austin wasn’t sure if Jeff knew what the concept of sweet even was. Jeff observed the piece of candy closely, his brow furrowed, as if he expected it to do something. 

He replicated just what Austin did, popping it into his mouth and biting into it surprisingly loud, and immediately started flipping through each stage of grief, in a completely random order. Denial, to acceptance, to anger, back to acceptance, to bargaining, to depression, and back to acceptance. 

Austin just couldn’t help but laugh, because God, he was just adorable. The way he tilted his head back and forth like he was weighing a scale, the way he stuck his tongue out as he tried to figure out whether or not he liked it, the look in his eyes that was childish and naïve, yet so eager to learn more and try new things, it did honestly feel like Austin was being shattered, decimated between those teeth of his. 

And he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“You don’t have to like it," Austin chuckled, still trying to catalogue every expression Jeff pulled, every stage of grief he flipped through like a magazine.

“I- Ah- Well-” Jeff stammered, caught somewhere between denial and acceptance, clearly still thinking hard. Austin couldn’t even tell if he had already swallowed it. “I… No, I don’t think so. Or, well-”

And Austin laughed again, because the way Jeff dangled between yes and no like he was flipping a switch was just so cute, and the way he smiled and his eyes crinkled and the way he stuck his tongue out were just so, so cute, and the watercolor that dotted his cheeks seemed to be growing more vivid, and it was-

…

A word popped into Austin’s head, suddenly. A word that best described this feeling, but it wasn’t one he was ready for. It was one he had repressed for so long, one that he was told to, forced to, for his own safety, and a word that sounded like a dirty one just saying it to himself.

It started with an L, and that was all Austin would allow himself before stomping it back down, into the deepest crevices of his mind. He just couldn’t. 

But it grounded him, at least. Reminded him where he was, clawing at the towel and feeling the sand shift and sink beneath it, and reminded him what he was doing. 

Just… just bro things, one would call it?

“So, consensus?” Austin asked, digging into his backpack again for the coins, taking all his might not to just stare at Jeff’s face. 

“Uh… Well, uh… Yeah, I think I’ll just stick to fish,” Jeff stuttered, a tiny twinge of embarrassment in his voice that was just all too obvious to Austin, and if he looked back to find Jeff’s cheeks any brighter than they already were, he’d honestly have to go home. “... Sorry.”

“Ah- Hey, don’t apologize. You’re fine. I got more, non-edible stuff, if you want,” Austin replied, sneaking a glance back at Jeff and simply getting caught in his gaze.

And his eyes were greener today, Austin noticed. He wondered why. And that was as far as he’d let himself muse about Jeff, for now at least, because it was much too easy to let it all get out of hand. 

“... Oh, cool. Thanks,” Jeff giggled, after a moment of hesitation that Austin elected to ignore, continuing to watch Austin at work like he was some kind of predator. “It was pretty, though.”

“Wh- The candy?” Austin asked, finally finding a handful of the coins, but immediately getting distracted.

“Yeah. The colors.”

Austin felt like there was probably something profound in the concept of that, in the idea that Jeff found beauty in something as mundane and saccharine as the candy that he didn’t even like, that he marveled at the colors merely because they were brighter than usual- There was some strange, tangled up emotion lying deep beneath that concept. That even though the color was artificial and normal, even arguably bad for people, it was something new to Jeff, something beautiful.

There was something under there, but he really didn’t have the time or the energy to sort it out. 

“... Oh. Okay, uh, yeah. Coins.”

Jeff grinned again when Austin said that, and suddenly, nothing else mattered. Austin counted them out in his hand and laid them out on the sand in front of Jeff; four pennies, a couple dimes, two quarters, plus one of those fancy ones from out of state. He forgot what they were really called, but given how he probably stole it from Stewart, he’d probably know. Oh, and a coin from Charles E. Cheddar, because sure. 

Jeff picked up a penny, one of the shinier ones, holding it up and watching how it glimmered in the sunlight, already captivated by it. 

“So, uh. Do you know what these are, actually?” Austin asked, forcibly distracting himself from just looking at Jeff again, picking up the two dimes and fidgeting with them. 

“... Well, I guess I do now,” Jeff replied, shrugging, not looking away from the shining penny for a second. At least that meant if Austin stared, Jeff wouldn’t notice, but that was just an awful thing to consider, wasn’t it? Austin hated it, couldn’t he just act… 

Maybe normal wasn’t the right word, but like a decent human being, he figured.

“Oh, well. Yeah. But what they’re for, they’re money,” Austin continued, keeping his attention away from that problem of his, focusing on the cold presence of the dimes in his palm, being moved back and forth. 

“... Money can be exchanged for goods and services,” Jeff said, his grin taking on a new sense of pride as he kept on staring up at the penny, like a sculptor marveling at his work. 

Austin blinked, the statement managing to rise a chuckle out of him, and he was too caught up in the glee of how much it made him smile to really think about if it was good that it did.

“Yeah. Sure can.”

Jeff finally looked back at him, still smiling with a childlike curiosity, satisfaction in his eyes, which were suddenly a clear sky blue. Austin really needed to ask him about that some time. He handed the penny back to Austin before sitting back, admiring the rest of the display, but having seen enough for the moment.

“We don’t really have money where…” Jeff trailed off, struggling to find the word, before gesturing very obviously to the sea. “There. Not really an… economy, is that the right word?”

“Mhmm,” Austin confirmed, maybe a little more impressed than he reasonably should have been.

“Yeah! A stable economy, down there. For one, there aren’t really… that many others like me, there are some, but… I guess it’s more bartering for stuff, rather than having a currency. Or maiming, actually,” Jeff mused, tilting his head to the side and tapping his chin, thinking hard. “I don’t do as much of the maiming anymore.”

That was more than a little concerning, but Austin still couldn’t help but laugh at it. A lot of what Jeff said was funny; innocent, childish, naïve, yet still managing to take control, letting Austin know that he had just as much to learn. It was exhilarating, in a strange, special way that Austin had never felt before.

Of course he hadn’t. Even if there were others like Jeff, he was most certainly Austin’s first. Austin’s only. 

“Ah- I hope not, that’s… I mean, as long as you’re not getting hurt, I mean-”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not the one you need to be worried about,” Jeff interrupted, puffing out his chest and grinning widely, posing like some victorious, unscathed soldier.

… It took Austin entirely too long to realize that Jeff was baring his teeth, not just grinning, that Jeff was trying to prove his point. That he was dangerous, a force to be reckoned with, a big pointy can of whoop-ass, or some similar metaphor. 

It should have scared Austin that it took him so long to realize, that he had grown so familiar and even attached to Jeff’s smile, so much that he would only be able to tell if Jeff was about to take a bite out of him if Jeff told him outright. That he had normalized him, his smile, his teeth, this whole situation so quickly and without proper consideration, but it simply… didn’t. It didn’t scare him, not in the slightest. Not even his easily incited anxiety could make him, and maybe that was a terror all on its own. 

“Oh, my apologies,” Austin proclaimed, narrowly avoiding calling Jeff something he certainly would have regretted. “I should say, I’m glad they’re all safe from you.” 

Jeff beamed at Austin when he said that, for real, he could just tell. Jeff held up his fists, coming across more like a celebration rather than a threat of his readiness to fight, his tongue darting out between his teeth only for a moment, and something about it was just… incredible, to Austin.

Austin really didn’t need Jeff’s display of his fists or even of his teeth, not the descriptions of those he had supposedly maimed or of the scars that may tell their stories on Jeff’s skin; Austin already had all the proof he needed that Jeff really was a force to be reckoned with, and it was written in every single one of Austin’s movements, desires, every time Jeff made him laugh. 

Somehow, he still didn’t fear it. Maybe like a fish, caught between the jaws of a predator and trapped inside, with no hope of escaping, he accepted it. Maybe Jeff was killing him, in the kindest, gentlest way, and Austin gratefully accepted if that was what Jeff really was doing. 

“Not all safe,” Jeff teased, falling right back into the image Austin had constructed of him, of someone completely harmless, innocent, despite what Jeff said. “Regular fish still need to watch out.”

Austin could picture it perfectly in his mind; Jeff, the perfect predator, blood sniffing and stalking his prey for great lengths, graceful and precise in the water and lethal. Animalistic, hungry, nothing like the Jeff that sat in front of him now.

But still, it didn’t really scare Austin like he knew it should, no more than a cat with a dead mouse in its mouth. Or, for a more personal take, a dog with a baby bunny, not dead, but his point still stood. All Austin could do was laugh at that, as he did for almost everything Jeff said, and didn’t question it. 

“I should bring you sushi or something, some time. Might actually like it,” Austin chuckled, finally letting go of the dimes, letting himself focus completely on Jeff, even if that wasn’t exactly the best idea.

“I… don’t know what that word means,” Jeff replied, furrowing his brow and looking incredibly deep in thought, all traces of intimidation vanishing completely. 

“Wh- Oh, sushi? It’s another human thing, it’s- it’s raw fish basically, but wrapped up in these little rolls, there are a ton of different kinds, but with the seaweed and the rice and- yeah,” Austin explained, trying to model the rolls with his hands and probably being completely incomprehensible. “Might be up your alley. They’re usually pretty expensive though, at least the good stuff is, so I dunno’.”

“... Expensive?” Jeff questioned, eyes darting back towards the waves. “If it’s just… raw fish, you can just… grab one. For free. Just get it. I could get you one for free right now.”

“Well- I mean-” Austin stammered, unconsciously lurching forward in case Jeff was actually going to leave. “It’s not that simple. We- Us humans aren’t as advanced as you, for one, it’s not as simple as just- grabbing one, there’s more preparation involved, I’m assuming. And while I would appreciate that, we can’t really eat just… a whole, entire dead fish.”

Austin really struggled to believe that that was a series of sentences that had just left his mouth. 

“... Why not? You just said, it’s… just raw fish,” Jeff asked, puzzling over the concept like he had been placed in front of the Rosetta stone. “I could wrap it in seaweed too if that helps.”

“No, it’s-” Austin objected, but found himself lacking the answers Jeff needed. Why… couldn't he just take a bite out of a dead fish? Every brain cell and ounce of common sense told him that he most certainly shouldn’t do that, but… Well, what if he just nibbled it? “... I don’t know actually. Usually eating… entire raw dead animals is bad, but uh… Man, I don’t know.”

Jeff grinned, seeming viciously excited by the concept of hunting. 

“Well, if you ever want to try, I’d be happy to catch something for you.”

“Likewise,” Austin sighed, defeated by the debate and reduced once again to that completely unthinking state of just staring at Jeff, admiring him. 

By some chance, one which Austin wasn’t sure if it was unfortunate or not, Jeff’s eyes were elsewhere, caught once again by the shiny coins.

“Can I look at those again?”

Austin blinked, taking a moment to snap out of his daze before nodding. “Oh, yeah. Of course,” he said, taking a handful and giving it to Jeff, watching as he examined each one carefully, holding them up to see just how shiny they were.

“So, what’s the… difference, between these?” Jeff asked, separating out a penny and a quarter in his palm. 

“Oh, they’re- Some of them are worth more,” Austin explained, picking up a dime for himself to examine. “So, they’re all fractions of a- Oh, I don’t have a dollar, but it’s this paper rectangle thing, and that’s worth a hundred cents. So a penny, that's the brown one you have, is one cent, the big silver one is a quarter, which is twenty five, and the little silver one is a dime, which is ten.”

Jeff furrowed his brow, swapping out the quarter for the dime as the object of his scrutiny, and the longer Austin looked, Jeff looked… honestly distressed.

“I… I’m not good at counting,” Jeff whimpered. “The dime, is worth… less than the quarter, right?”

“... Yeah,” Austin confirmed, trying not to laugh at Jeff’s inability to count, yet still feeling awful about it. “You’re fine, dude.”

“... Okay, but then why is the dime smaller than the penny?”

… Austin almost didn’t want to say anything, but he was pretty sure Jeff was going to start crying if he didn’t at least try to comfort him.

“I… I honestly don’t know, but your math is fine. I think it’s… the worth of the metal or something. I dunno’. But you’re okay,” Austin soothed, finding his hands out in front of him once again, something that would have been dangerous if not for the coins they were both holding. 

“... That’s weird, then. How much is that one worth, though?” Jeff asked, pointing at the arcade coin by Austin’s side.

“Oh, it’s… That one isn’t, uh, federal property,” Austin chuckled, handing it over to Jeff. “It’s not really worth… anything, it’s from an arcade. It has, uh, a… picture of a mouse on it, rather than various presidents. Which are government dudes.”

Jeff definitely noticed the mouse, narrowing his eyes and glaring at the coin, even baring his teeth. Austin worried that he was going to try to bite it.

“The mouse has the aura of a bastard.”

“Its- What, you don’t like Charles Entertainment Cheddar?” Austin asked, so bewildered on so many fronts that he had no idea what to do.

“That’s a dumb name,” Jeff growled, tossing the coin back into the sand without breaking any of his teeth, thank God.

“Uh, well… Hopefully, I mean, well- You won’t be seeing him around, so you won’t have to, like, kill-”

“The mouse is real?” Jeff almost shrieked, eyes wide and seeming honestly scared. It was clear to Austin now that Jeff really couldn’t commit to being intimidating, not for any longer than, like, five minutes. That put Austin at… not exactly ease, but it calmed him, if only slightly. 

Austin pressed his lips together, taking out his phone and silently looking up a picture of the mouse, choosing one of the full costume next to a child, one that in hindsight, probably wasn’t the least traumatizing picture he could have chosen.

He showed it to Jeff, stating “that’s the mouse.”

And Austin regretted it almost immediately, because Jeff looked ready to burst into tears.

“I do not like the mouse…”

“Why not? He’s just trying to run his funky little arcade-”

“Why’s it so tall, I- I don’t know what an arcade is,” Jeff whined, pushing away Austin’s phone and very obviously tearing up. 

“I- Woah, hey,” Austin said, tossing his phone to the side and rubbing Jeff’s shoulder, trying not to cry himself. “Okay, an arcade is this game place, it has, uh… Oh geez, I don’t know how to explain it to you, but I can show you some pictures of it some time, they just have a ton of games, and if you do good you win tickets, and the coins are so you can play the games, and then you can turn in the tickets for prizes. Does that make sense? One time I won this big plushie snake from there, but then my brother stole it from me once ‘cause he was mad at me and I think he got rid of it.”

Jeff still looked distraught, but he nodded. 

“Yeah. And it’s aimed at really young kids, so- The mouse isn’t actually a giant mouse, there’s like, an adult in there.”

“That doesn’t help…” Jeff mumbled, but a smile was already tugging at his lips again, the flash of white teeth practically blinding, and Austin felt incredibly proud of himself. 

“Yeah, like- It’s a freaky costume, I know, it’s really old at the place we have here, but it’s still just a dude in there. It’s really not that bad, there are tons of like, birthday parties and stuff there for kids, they have pizza and they play movies sometimes and- Yeah.”

For some, inexplicable reason, Austin wanted to help Jeff learn everything about those stupid arcades, to actually be there with him. Which was ridiculous, of course, given the fact that Jeff couldn't really go anywhere, but the feeling remained. It was a somber type of feeling, maybe even a little selfish, because he had more than he could ever ask for, just on the beach with Jeff, but it was still something he wished he could have. Anywhere, with Jeff. Maybe one day. 

“... Birthday parties as in, the day you were born? And then a party?” Jeff asked, seeming to have gotten over his musophobia. 

“Yep,” Austin giggled, his hand no longer really having a reason to lay on Jeff’s shoulder, but he liked brushing over the rough and bumpy patches of color. “They’re more fun for kids, ‘cause it’s just, like, getting old…”

“... I want a birthday party,” Jeff lamented, staring out at the sea once more.

“When’s your birthday?”

“No idea,” Jeff sighed, seeming to try to read the waves, as if they would tell him anything. “I think… I sorta remember being born, it was… like, really late winter, almost spring, I think. Just coming out of the sand and the seaweed and the... whatever energy that was, and being like oh, I'm here now! But, yeah, like I said, I’m not very good at counting.”

“... Oh, well… I don’t… remember being born, I was a baby,” Austin said, trying and failing to untangle the web of implications Jeff’s reply had laid in front of him. “You gotta have someone else remember it for a while, so’s not your fault.”

Jeff hummed, looking all sad again, and Austin really couldn’t tell if Jeff was doing that on purpose, or with what intent. 

“Um… Oh geez, it’s actually my birthday soon, dang, but… The day I met you was July 2nd, so that’s kinda like… something we could celebrate, maybe.”

Jeff grinned again. The way his emotions shifted and tugged Austin’s heart along felt reminiscent of the tides, whether or not Jeff was doing it intentionally, powerful and out of Austin’s control, even awe-inspiring.

“I’d like that. When’s your birthday?”

“In, uh… Oh God, I dunno’ how to count either,” Austin barked, finding himself grinning just as widely. “25 minus 12, that’s… 13 days from now.” 

“Huh. Happy birthday.”

“You know that, but not what a birthday party is?”

“Hey, look. I’ve just been relying on hearing stuff from the boats, so I’ve had to piece stuff together on my own for all this time,” Jeff explained, snarky but lacking any sense of true bitterness. 

“Oh- Really?” Austin gaped, tilting his head to the side, finally forcing his hand off of Jeff’s shoulder. “Dude, you’re crazy smart if that’s all you’re learning from.”

Jeff shrugged, looking away in an attempt to hide the watercolor bleeding through his cheeks. “We’re… naturally quick learners, I guess.”

“I… Sounds dumb, but I was gonna ask if you could read, actually,” Austin snickered, and despite the absurdity of the situation, that sense of pride bubbled back up. 

“Um… Kind of?” Jeff answered, sounding more like a question. “Depends. I can read numbers good, but I don’t get… much to go off, really, just from the ships.”

“Well, hey, that’s pretty good then. I can… help you learn more, if you want,” Austin proposed, and the way Jeff’s face lit up told him that that’s everything he had ever wanted. “I wanna- Actually, since I brought it up and I’ve just been kinda thinking about it, have you heard of this movie called The Littlest Mermaid?”

“Uh- No, I… Well, it sounds sorta’ familiar, but I… still don’t really know what a movie is.”

“Oh, it’s- A moving picture, basically. Tells a story, and this one is animated, so it’s like… a ton of drawings that go together and look smooth, and it’s really pretty.” 

Jeff nodded along, clearly perking up even more at the mention of pretty. 

“But yeah. You remind me of it, I could download it and we could watch it, if you want. Since the main character is like you, y’know?”

“For your birthday?”

“Uh- Well, you can watch a movie on any day, it’s not just for birthdays,” Austin chuckled, realizing Jeff’s train of thought. “But I guess it could be, too. Whatever you want.”

Jeff smiled, eyes crinkling and clearly ecstatic about learning more, exactly what a movie was. 

“I’d like that,” Jeff confirmed, as gentle as the slowly setting sun. 

---

“What do you need The Littlest Mermaid on your phone for?” Stewart asked from a couple rooms over, a question Austin had been expecting, given how closely he liked to monitor Austin’s phone.

“Because I wanna watch it?” Austin said back, just quiet enough to be considered not yelling in the house.

“We have a TV!”

“Well, I wanna watch it… elsewhere!”

Stewart dropped the issue, but Austin could just barely hear him loudly mutter, something about cousin and brain damage. 

Chapter Text

Well, Austin hadn’t really thought out exactly how he was going to do this. 

He had the movie downloaded onto his phone; he’d made sure to charge it before coming here, and he’d put every other app to sleep in order to save his battery. He’d checked about five times that do not disturb was on while he was on the bus, and while that did make him a little nervous, with how Stewart was… maybe worried wasn’t the right word, but concerned with Austin’s affairs, he knew it was for Jeff, and that calming tide was really relentless. 

Stewart gave him the weirdest look while he was going out the door earlier that day; almost like a dog. A little bit stubborn and emotionally repressed, but abandoned, weak.

… It kind of scared Austin, more than he’d like to admit, and it practically pushed him out the door. He didn’t want to know what Stewart thought he was up to, with all of the… questionable things that were brought up in trying to hide the fact that he was friends with a mermaid. He didn’t want to care; maybe if Stewart minded his own business, he’d be happier. 

But, still, he did. Anxiety and all. At least his mom didn’t seem to care that he was leaving the house almost every day, at a summer frequency only matched... maybe once, when he was ten. 

The thought of Jeff really did have a way of soothing him, though. A type of escape, he supposed, literal magic to help his state of mind. 

But that magic was currently not on his side, because hadn’t considered how he was going to set up his phone so they could both see it. 

“Um… Do you want me to like… get a rock, or something?” Jeff asked from a distance, looking positively bewildered and trying not to laugh. Austin fumbled a bit more with his phone, trying desperately to see if there was anything he could do with any of his makeshift stands; his water bottle, his shoe, his backpack itself, the stack of granola bars he thought would be sturdy enough for some reason, and just a pile of sand that practically disintegrated when touched. None of them worked. Maybe that was because Austin was kind of freaking out, but alas.

“Um- Well, I- I mean-” Austin stammered, wracking his brain for anything else he could do that wouldn’t force Jeff to go down and get anything for him. “Um… Yeah, that would… Yeah.”

Jeff giggled, splitting into one of those smiles that just had a way of melting all of Austin’s troubles. And maybe replacing them with a couple new ones, but Austin didn’t really mind. 

“Alright. I’ll be quick,” Jeff said, scooting back towards the tide, splashing his tail in the water as he waited for Austin to confirm he heard him. Austin nodded, thanking him, but it didn’t even seem like Jeff waited for Austin to get through those two words, diving back into the waves and out of sight. 

And it really didn’t take long at all, probably only four or five minutes, but Austin still found himself… surprisingly nervous. He wasn’t sure why it was only occurring to him now just how dangerous the ocean could be, and it wasn’t that he doubted Jeff’s… survival skills at all, but he still couldn’t help that gnawing worry, that vague sense of dread. Maybe he was more afraid of being found here, alone and vulnerable on this beach, but he really had no idea why that didn’t apply when Jeff was there with him, when logically that would be so much more dangerous. Maybe it was the mermaid magic, or something. It wasn’t a feeling he particularly wanted to dive into at the moment, and Jeff came back soon enough. 

Jeff surfaced with that same smile, like it had never left him, energetically pulling himself up onto the sand. Either Austin hadn’t noticed it before, or Jeff had went and grabbed his pouch-thing while he was down there, and it was very obviously full with something, although Austin had no idea what. The more pertinent thing was already in Jeff’s hands, which for one, Austin was impressed that Jeff had managed to bring it up here without even breaking a sweat, and two, was… worrying, to say the least.

It was humble in appearance, just a regular brick, bearing the expected water damage and algae growth of having been underwater for a significant amount of time, but the hook on the side caught Austin’s attention. That didn’t seem like it could be used for… structural purposes, and while there was nothing around the hook anymore, Austin couldn’t help but feel like there might have once been rope tied to it. And rope, tied to…

Austin didn’t bother asking where or how Jeff had found it; either it was completely innocent and Jeff had no idea, or it was a memory that probably neither of them wanted to relive. It was besides the point anyway; the brick was the perfect size and held up Austin’s phone just right. 

Although, of course, then was the problem of getting positioned in front of the phone in an actually comfortable way, and that they could both see. 

Austin hadn’t really thought through… any of this, at all. He hadn’t accounted for the size of his phone, how hard it would be to see in this situation, how close together they’d have to be if they both wanted to see. He should have brought two towels, too, because Jeff was all wet again, and he decided that he’d rather sacrifice the towel that he- they were going to sit on, in order for him to dry off. Clearly, Jeff appreciated it, wearing it around his shoulders like a cape and holding a grateful happiness in his eyes that was more… delicate, than it was before. Austin thought, at least, if that was even the right word to use.

Austin wasn’t thinking the most clearly, he could admit. It didn’t feel right to keep blaming it all on Jeff’s magic tide thing, but that was the only thing Austin could think of to make sense of the knot in his stomach, his rising heart rate, the sensation of a certain pressure and the slowly rising panic, as if he were underwater. It was fitting, he supposed, and he honestly had no idea why he was feeling this way, just from being shoulder to shoulder with Jeff when he had literally hugged him before. Fuck, Jeff dragged him out of the water on the very day they met, that’s about as intimate as two people can get. 

And so, the source of Austin’s… anxiety, that must have been it, in that moment, was an enigma. It must have had to do with how close Jeff was, rising tides filling him with adrenaline, how he wore his towel over his shoulders like a cape for a child playing pretend, and the sand that Austin knew his clothes would be covered in for ages because of it. There was something in Jeff’s eyes, gentle yet overwhelmingly optimistic, buried in the almost blinding teal he wore that day; not exactly fragile but cautious, careful, caring, and completely incomprehensible to Austin. 

He never wanted this. He just wanted to watch the movie, and although maybe phrasing it like that was somewhat careless of him, given how Jeff was his reason for doing… almost everything he did at that point, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to have a nice time, and not feel like this. 

After a while, Austin did relax; after turning the brightness and his volume all the way up so that he could see it and actually hear it over the roar of the waves, and after weakly asking a couple times if Jeff could see it alright. To which, he nodded, and slowly began to lay his head onto Austin’s shoulder. 

… It shouldn’t have been anything revolutionary to Austin, but something about it made him want to just get up and walk straight into the ocean, but not before tying Jeff to that same brick to make sure Austin would be completely helpless in facing his doom. It was frightening, really, how comfortable Jeff was, how comfortable Austin was, how ridiculously soft and sweet and dangerous this whole idea was, and how easily Austin was able to convince himself that it was all completely normal.

But it wasn’t that he wanted to leave, let alone end himself, not even for Jeff to just move his head a bit; the feeling frightened him, sure, but… it was certainly novel to him. Maybe he wanted it because it was new, and he wanted to understand, or maybe there was something special deep down in there that Austin just couldn’t delve into and truly find just yet. Maybe one day, he’d understand, but…

He found himself focusing on Jeff’s reactions, more so than the movie itself; clearly, that day was not today, and he wasn’t strong enough to fight off the urge. He couldn’t see Jeff’s face all that well, but he could pretty clearly tell what Jeff was thinking with every passing scene. His bemusement whenever the talking animals spoke, watching intently as if thinking something freaky was going to happen, the way he stiffened against Austin’s side and even scoffed at Queen Amphitrite’s warnings about humans, the way he froze completely when the storm suddenly hit, when Princess Erica fell off the ship and began to drown, seeming to hold his breath and not daring to take his eyes off the screen.

… Maybe he should have warned Jeff a little more about this, because this was… more intense than he had remembered, honestly.

“You okay?” Austin murmured, jostling Jeff a bit, just to make sure he was still alive.

Jeff swallowed and nodded again, laying his head back down, apparently not wanting to interrupt any further.

Jeff only relaxed when Arielle had towed Princess Erica to the shore, checking to see if she was still alive and singing to her. Only then, Jeff saw it fit to interrupt, it would seem.

“... She is like me,” Jeff whispered, repeating what Austin had said the day prior. Austin hummed, wrapping an arm around Jeff to comfort him, ignoring how his soul screamed at him for everything about that action. Austin couldn’t see Jeff’s face still, but against his shoulder, he could feel Jeff’s cheeks rise in a smile. “... Was I supposed to sing to you, or something?”

Austin chuckled, rubbing Jeff’s shoulder, unsure as to who he was really comforting. “Nah, you did just fine.”

Jeff sighed in relief, which was short lived, as his next question was, “Hey, where’s she going, why didn’t she stay with Erica?” 

Cue Austin trying not to laugh, and trying to explain that Arielle was still scared of being seen in mermaid mode, like Jeff was, in fact; and that Erica was more… emotionally stable, than Austin was that day. Which prompted another sigh from Jeff, and another burst of emotion for Austin to push down, all coiling in his stomach; leaving him to wonder if choosing a love story was the best choice for this very moment. 

“You’re not a princess, right?” 

“Uh- No, unfortunately,” Austin replied, shaking his head, now having no idea exactly where to focus his attention if he was scared of both the movie and Jeff. 

“Aw. Coulda’ fooled me,” Jeff giggled, grinning again, and really making Austin wish he had chosen a different movie, even if it wasn’t the best introduction into the world of cinema. Earth Bud, or something. Did Jeff know what dogs were? He had to, right?

There he went again, just desperately trying to distract himself. His brain could just never shut up, could it?

Austin continued being somewhat absentmindedly aware of Jeff’s reactions as the story went on; relaxing whenever Arielle sang, nodding as if understanding at Arielle’s symptoms of lovesickness, being very obviously upset when Queen Amphitrite destroyed Arielle’s collection, likely personally offended. Austin tried to soothe him, rubbing his shoulder and finding himself yet again holding back a smile as Jeff huffed, smacking his fin in the sand. And when the eels arrived, Flotjet and Samsam, (a pair of names that made Austin lose his shit every single time) bringing Arielle to Sully, the sea witch, Jeff piped up again.

“Oh, I know a guy kinda like that.”

Austin drew back a bit, prompting Jeff to straighten up and allowing Austin to actually see his face for the first time in a while; dead serious.

… Unrelated, but his hair was completely dry by then, and really fluffy. Austin wondered what kind of magic that had to be. If Jeff could spare some...

“Wh… What, a sea witch? Really?”

“Yeah,” Jeff confirmed, as if that wasn’t nearly as surprising as it was. “Dunno’ if he calls himself that, but yeah. His name’s Ian, but he lives really deep down and pretty far away, so I don’t go see him often.”

Austin stared straight ahead, unresponsive, as Sully burst into their song all about the importance of body language, prompting Austin to wonder if there really was a way for Jeff to… get human legs, if for a price. It didn’t sound particularly realistic, but… well, maybe…? 

“... Well, if he tries to steal your voice or anything like that in exchange, don’t do it.”

Jeff laughed at that, relaxing back onto Austin’s shoulder, right where they started. “I won’t. He doesn’t… he’s really not that helpful, anyway. I know he knows stuff, but he won’t tell me anything or actually offer me any stuff. Guess he’s… worried about it or something. Pretty sure he’s on the hates humans side of the whole… debate, so…”

Jeff went quiet again, focusing back on the movie, and Austin had no idea what to make of any of that. It didn’t seem like there was anything for Austin to truly be worried about, but he still couldn’t help wondering just what stuff this Ian guy knew, and was keeping to himself. If there really was some… leg magic stuff, Austin supposed he would call it, that would… sure be something…? He had no idea what to make of that, really. It sounded… idyllic, really, he couldn’t even begin to imagine all of the things he could show Jeff if that were to come true, but it had to be way too Bisney to be real. And surely, not without some horrible price. Austin still, unsurprisingly, had no idea what he was thinking, but it all frightened him. He should have gone with High School Symphony, or something, but he was pretty sure Jeff didn’t understand the American education system. 

They continued watching, Austin being even more fuzzy and zoned out than before. He heard Jeff sigh, almost nostalgically when Arielle met Erica again on the beach, now with her legs, and it was clear that Jeff was fascinated by every scene that took place in the palace.

Austin simply decided to pretend the entirety of Smooch the Girl didn't happen. He was zoned out, retroactively blocked it out of his memory, decided he’d rather forget just how intently Jeff was watching and how frustrated he was when the couple were thwarted at the end of the song; nope, no thank you. Austin didn’t need any further confusion, didn’t need that stupid crab singing in his head whenever he looked at Jeff, didn’t need to think about how Jeff was so very much his Arielle and the feelings that came with that connotation, those same ones he had shoved down all his life; no, no, no thank you. 

Jeff didn’t comment any further, letting Austin simply ignore it, but even just knowing Jeff had seen it scared him more than sharp teeth bared with bloodlust and pummeling, freezing cold waves ever could. 

Still, the movie dragged on. Jeff angrily mumbled something Austin couldn’t quite make out towards Sully’s disguise, seemed… surprisingly amused when Sully turned Queen Amphitrite into an anemone, and cheered loud enough to scare Austin when Princess Erica stabbed giant-scary-Sully with the boat. Austin was still rather out of it, but he found himself smiling as the movie drew to a close, the credits rolling. 

“So, what did you think?” Austin asked, as if that was a question he himself could honestly answer, and kind of… out of breath, for some reason.

“I liked it!” Jeff chirped, straightening up again and finally tugging the towel off his shoulders. “It was pretty. I still don’t get how all that was, like… made, but it was really pretty.”

“Uh, yeah, movies like that are a ton of work. The credits that are rolling right now, actually, are basically all the names of the people that worked on the movie,” Austin explained, gesturing towards the phone he had barely looked at in the last 20 minutes. Jeff nodded, squinting at the screen and muttering a quiet “ohhhh,” at the revelation.

“Dang. Cool. I, uh… I really liked Erica. She's kinda like you."

Austin chuckled, finally working up the nerve to put a little more distance between them and actually look at Jeff’s face. “Uh- yeah, I… yeah, uh… I wasn’t actually allowed to watch this movie as a kid, because of, uh… Erica, the whole two girls thing… Still not supposed to now, but it’s whatever.”

Jeff frowned, and it worried Austin just how quickly Jeff seemed to understand. “Oh, that’s… sad… Kind of an Amphitrite move there,” Jeff replied, trying to lighten the mood a bit, meeting Austin’s eyes again with that look that just melted Austin into sea foam.

“You really do not like Amphitrite, huh?”

“I do not like Amphitrite,” Jeff repeated, scrunching up his face that was just adorable and made Austin want to scream. “She should have stayed a freaking anemone, she was so mean!”

“Well, she just loved Arielle, and she came around in the end…” Austin defended, watching Jeff’s eyes widen in sheer rage and exasperation.

“She destroyed Arielle’s whole freaking collection! If anyone touched my stuff, I’d totally just-” Jeff cried, scowling and baring his teeth, making a couple vaguely threatening chomping motions that Austin just couldn’t help but find… endearing. “My- I- Um… My stuff, actually…”

Austin’s heart jumped up into his throat as Jeff trailed off, fumbling with the pouch around his waist.

“I… Since you brought this for me, which- Thank you, by the way, don’t think I said that-”

“Oh dude, it’s- it’s really no problem,” Austin assured, struggling to keep his voice steady as the nerves seized him. Right back where he started, huh?

“Well, I appreciate it, and I wanted to bring you something, like- big-ish in return, so…”

Jeff pulled out a compass from his pouch, old and rusted, clearly having been underwater for a long time. Austin took a breath as Jeff placed it in his hands, analyzing the markings on the exterior and the life that had begun to grow around it. Popping it open took a bit of effort, the hinges being expectedly stiff, and Jeff gasped when he did that, tilting his head to the side. Apparently, he didn’t know compasses did that.

Inside was an old photograph, soaked beyond recognition, but Austin had to assume it was a person. Which told another story that Austin wasn’t sure if he wanted to explore. And finally, the needle itself, its base being intricate and unique; maybe he could ask Stewart about when it was from, if Stewart ever got more cool with the fact that Austin was coming here.

Austin was pretty sure the needle was broken, which wasn’t surprising; old and waterlogged and all that. But it did move when Austin turned it in different directions, and while it drifted considerably, Austin couldn’t help but notice that again and again, it pointed straight to Jeff.

Jeff watching him with wide blue eyes, a smile that dripped with words unsaid, that he cared and hoped Austin liked it, wanted more, wanted Austin happy, and every little thing about it just took Austin’s breath away.

Not really in the good way; it terrified him. But there he was, with a clear compass and a half buried subconscious telling him exactly where to go, what to do.

And there were a lot of things Austin was thinking in that moment, a lot of things Austin could have said, could have done. Could have grinned as wide as he could and pulled Jeff into a hug, could have promised even more for Jeff in return, could have burst into tears, could have used that L-word Austin was so afraid of, could have listened to the stupid fucking crab singing in his brain, could have pitched forwards and-

But Austin cut them all off there, taking another deep breath, opening his eyes to that same look from Jeff, unbroken, and praying that he could handle it. 

He closed the compass, covering it and holding it tightly in his hands, and smiled, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that he was fighting back tears.

“It's… beautiful. Thank you.” 

---

Mcjones

Hows the movie asshole

(4:34PM)

Hey I have do not disturb on so leave me alone 🏃 

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(4:34PM)

Hope you drown

(4:35PM)

Chapter Text

“So how was the movie?”

Austin flinched, laying down his backpack in his room before turning back around to look at Stewart. He had a way of jump scaring him often, so it would seem, and…

The way Stewart looked fit that, something simply… off, about it. Not particularly worrying or anything, no different than any other teenager who hasn’t left the house in a while, but… It must have been the look he was giving Austin, almost animalistic, both aggressive and pitiful.

Austin should have expected this. It must have been their new routine by then, Austin would come home late from the beach and Stewart would interrogate him, slowly growing more… disheveled, with time. Safe to say, Austin wasn’t looking forward to this.

Austin forced a smile, leaning up against the doorframe. “Good. It’s really cute.”

“I asked you that over text. Were you ever gonna answer that?” Stewart replied, a deadpan expression thinly masking so much more emotion than Stewart likely wanted to let on. Austin didn’t want to see it either.

“... Oh,” Austin muttered, fishing his phone out of his pocket and realizing he’d forgotten to take his phone off do not disturb. He’d literally been on it on the bus, listening to music, but… what could he say, he wasn’t the brightest. He cringed a bit to himself, tapping the icon and immediately seeing the influx of notifications; plenty of games begging him to play, a couple messages from his soccer group chat, Stewart telling him he hoped he would drown-

… Jesus.

“I… yeah, I forgot to turn that off. Sorry.” Austin apologized, putting his phone away again, staring at the wooden floors.

“Just don’t do it again. I could’ve bypassed it, but…” Stewart said, clearly running on fumes and running out of energy for this conversation. Which, by all means, Austin supported. “Clearly, you were busy. I just… Okay, I… How do I put this...”

Stewart trailed off, sighing, reminding Austin of a moody preteen. 

“What?”

“I know you’re…” Stewart mumbled, vaguely bumping his hands together in a way that Austin couldn’t tell if he was fidgeting or trying to demonstrate what he meant. “You… God, you’re gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”

“I have… no idea what you mean, at all,” Austin replied, chuckling softly, finding that this would be funnier if it wasn’t so pathetic. “Also, watch your mouth.”

Stewart rolled his eyes, throwing his hands back down to his sides.

“I know you’re… engaging in… activities, that are inappropriate for your age, and would be ridiculously dangerous if they find out about, and are… how do I say, immodest,” Stewart elaborated, clearly wincing with every word, every implication.

… It still took Austin a good ten seconds to understand.

“... What?” Austin yelped, more offense and emotion seeping into his voice than there reasonably should have been, and much louder, he knew. “I- No, no, we’re not like that. He’s not- We’re-”

Stewart blinked at him, completely stone faced.

“He doesn’t even- even have legs dude, he’s like- he’s an amputee, I don’t- no, we’re not-”

“I mean, that wouldn’t stop you,” Stewart muttered, the corner of his mouth twitching just slightly; but that tiny spark of relief was quickly extinguished, his face darkening again. “But, um. What the fuck?”

Austin would have staggered back if his back wasn’t already up against the wall. “I- Well, okay, not that, b-but you don’t understand, we’re really not-”

“Of course I wouldn’t understand, you haven’t told me a damn thing about this guy that hasn’t been a total lie,” Stewart snarled, crossing his arms. “So forgive me for maybe assuming the worst, but seriously. You’re not fucking subtle.”

Austin kind of wished there was a camera somewhere, or a mirror; anything that would have allowed him to see his own face, because it probably would have been hilarious in hindsight. A somewhat masochistic thing to want, sure, but he wanted to know if he really looked as stupid as he felt. As he was. 

Because internally, he was screaming like a fog horn, his heart beating out of his chest. Because the stupidest remark, that Jeff “doesn’t even have legs,” was the first thing he had told Mcjones that was actually true. 

“Well, uh- d-don’t assume the worst, then-”

“What’s my alternative here, you fuckhead? Do you just expect me to not care, and let you get yourself hurt, and- whatever, because how can you even… God,” Stewart grumbled, almost animalistic in the way he spoke and acted, as if finally set loose. As if the fear of other people finding out about their respective acts of rebellion, of their parents overhearing or having others whisper about their fights, no longer mattered. 

… Austin knew all this was for his own good, his safety; or at least that Stewart believed it was. But it didn’t feel like it. He knew that neither of them really wanted this. 

“There are totally alternatives, just let me explain-”

“You have had so many chances to explain, and you’ve lied. Every single time. About everything, and so I’m led to believe that you lied about being safe, too. And right after you promised you would start telling me the truth!”

“Can you maybe keep your voice down?”

“Oh, as if mom fucking cares,” Stewart muttered, but it was obvious that he didn’t fully believe that, as he took a moment to glance down the hallway and listen out for any intruders. He sighed, then continued, noticeably quieter. “Go ahead and explain, then.”

Austin glanced down, only for a moment, to steel himself and conjure up the words; but all he found was that his hands were shaking. He couldn’t make it stop, so he tried to hide them a bit more in his sleeves. Where was Jeff when he needed him, huh? His calming whatever, he… He really missed it. Come to think of it, he might have been dependant on it, and he had no idea who was really to blame for that. He wanted to be back with Jeff, he hated this. He didn’t want to explain, because how the hell would Stewart understand?

He hated this. He hated how he couldn’t really be honest with Stewart. He hated how bent out of shape Stewart was getting over this, how he was acting more emotionally than Austin had seen him act in… probably, ever. He hated how honest Stewart had to be in turn. He hated the implications all of his stupid, half baked lies created, the ones that had clearly been giving Stewart hell. He hated how guilty he felt for everything. He hated how there really was no other way. 

He hated not being with Jeff. He didn’t hate how he felt so safe with Jeff, despite the strange irony of it, but he hated how it was the only place he felt safe. He hated how no matter what, no matter how much it hurt him and everyone else subjected to his bullshitting, he couldn’t risk his relationship with Jeff. 

By the time he glanced back up, meeting Stewart’s ice cold glare, he wasn’t ready by any means; but he had the words.

“Okay, so… no, we’re not like that,” Austin rasped, wincing at the mere thought of it. “He doesn’t even- He wouldn’t even consider that, he doesn’t like me like that. Well, I don’t think he does-”

“Hell is he doing hanging out with you like… the way it is, then? It’s very out of the way and a lot of effort for just a friend thing.”

“It is just a friend thing!” Austin squawked, his turn to completely disregard the standards of an acceptable volume. “It’s like, the one safe spot I know, and we just chill there-”

“Austin, it’s a public beach.”

“I have literally never seen anyone else there!” Austin exclaimed, then taking a moment to realize, hey, that… actually is weird. “I… don’t know why, actually, but- Whatever. Friends just chill like that. Maybe if you had friends, you would understand.”

Stewart exhaled sharply, a bitter laugh lasting no longer than a few seconds. He adjusted his glasses, pressing two fingers into his temple. “Touché, I guess. But then, what are you hiding?”

In the kitchen of Austin’s mind, there was another big, stupid lie in the oven. Probably only a quarter baked, but he really didn’t care, he just needed something. Even if he ignored his oven mitts and burned his hands to hell and back with the delivery, he just couldn’t care less.

“My friend is… weird, I guess. That’s what.”

That alone wasn’t a lie, not in the slightest; but when Stewart asked him to elaborate, as Austin knew he would, it would have to be.

“... Elaborate,” Stewart replied, right on cue.

“He’s… not from here, for one,” Austin mused, continuing down the path of not actually being a lie yet. Whether or not that approach was actually going to benefit Austin, he didn’t know. “Not really sure exactly where he’s from. West coast, I think.”

Stewart hummed, and maybe he really could tell that Austin was telling the truth, as the look on his face shifted from distress and frustration to… 

Austin wasn’t sure what, honestly. But it was calmer, more inwardly focused. Maybe vague concern, or something…?

“Yeah, and uh… Dunno’ how he got here either honestly, but… he kinda just lives there on the beach, if I’m being honest. Don’t think he has a home, or a family, or whatever.”

Stewart’s eyes widened slightly, much to Austin’s… nothing, because he had no idea whether or not to be happy or concerned by the gesture. “Drifter?”

“Uh- Yeah, you could say that,” Austin muttered, shrugging.

“... How’d you meet him?”

“It… was, uh…” Austin trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek. He’s been dangerously close to reality thus far, he supposed that’s what happens when a lie is even less than half baked. And so, he saw no reason to stray from that path just yet. “The day I… fell. After I’d gotten up and started just kinda… hobbling towards Northbrook, once I got a little closer to town, he helped me out. So I just… yeah.”

Stewart’s face was completely unreadable. He knew bringing up his own near death experience hardly brought up good things, and he knew Stewart still wasn’t taking it very well, but… it shut him up, that was for sure. Stewart’s gaze fell to the ground, shivering slightly as if he’d contracted Austin’s shakes, and he quietly repeated to himself, “Northbrook.” 

“... Yeah. Northbrook mean anything to you…?”

“Not really. Think I’ve only been there for boat trips and stuff. With you. Never stayed long,” Stewart replied, sharpness back in his tone, but it was undeniable that he was shaken. Maybe he wasn’t expecting Austin to tell the truth; or at least, as much “truth” as he was.

“Well, that’s… where I’ve been, yeah, you knew that,” Austin muttered, trailing off.

“What’s he like?” Stewart asked, suddenly seeming… distant, as if asking the winds rather than Austin himself.

“Uhh… He’s…” Austin sighed, thinking back to the days he had spent with Jeff. Sharing every little thing they had for each other, doused in sunlight and calming magic, making all his troubles, the sand in his shoes and all the things Austin had waiting for him at home into distant concerns; so far beneath the surface that Austin rarely even considered them. Their necklaces, the handfuls of shells, the compass, and quite literally, the life that Jeff had given back to him; they were all things that would have spoken for themselves, if Austin was able to let them. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to do them justice with his own words, no matter how hard he tried. But even the memory made him feel better, stirred up the sensations, and the words came.

“He’s strange. But in a good way, he’s… I don’t know, he’s really clever. And kind, and… out of this world, really. Don’t know how better to describe him.”

Stewart stared at the floor for the entirety of that response, the look on his face definitely strongly something, but Austin still couldn’t figure out how to read it. Regret, or painful realization…?

“And I… I’ll be honest, I… really like him. Not like that,” Austin stammered, gesturing even more vaguely than Stewart had, awkwardly twirling his hands in the air before bringing them back together. “But… yeah. He’s super cool. And I lied when I first told you his name because I panicked and stuff, but it’s not Fabio, it’s-”

“Dean,” Stewart spat, that animalistic expression settling back on his face, but more hurt than anger. Breathing harshly, he looked like he was about to cry. “It’s Dean, isn’t it?”

Austin blinked.

And blinked twice more.

“... Nooooo?” Austin murmured, an uncomfortable smile spreading across his face. “I was gonna say Jeff... Who’s Dean…?”

The hurt on Stewart’s face completely dropped, like it had disintegrated and been whooshed away by the wind. The look in his eyes; now it was regret, for sure. Still on the verge of tears though, if not closer.

Without another word, Stewart dashed to the end of the hallway, ducked into his room, and slammed the door.

They didn’t have locks on their doors, but when Austin tried to follow, he knew Stewart had his back up against it in order to keep it closed, as he fumbled for the door jammer he set up beneath the handle.

“Mcjones, hey, c’mon. Who’s Dean?”

There was movement on the other end of the door, quite a lot of it, but no response.

“Mcjones. I just told you all that stuff, ’s not fair. Who’s Dean?”

Austin could feel the jammer as he tried and failed to open the door. It didn’t take Stewart long, apparently. Presumably, as the movement subsided, Stewart had stepped away from the door.

“Mcjones, please.”

No response.

Austin knew he wasn’t going to get one. 

He sighed, chuckling under his breath. Fucking hypocrite.

He gave the door one last good try, knowing he wasn’t going to get past the jammer unless he knocked it out from under the door, somehow. But he wasn’t planning on that. Honestly, Austin counted this as a success. 

He felt bad, of course; downright awful, if he was being honest. But he had won. He survived, and managed to get the best of his brother. He couldn’t bring himself to care much beyond that point.

---

“Hey, Mcjones?” Austin called out, standing in front of the still-jammed door. “You alive in there?”

No response.

“I’m gonna go to the store, I got like… twenty dollars. You want me to bring you anything?”

No response.

“I’ll be out for a while after that, but maybe when I get home, you can tell me who Dean is?”

A thump against the door startled Austin, stepping back. A quiet hiss followed, right up against the door; like that of an idiot who had hurt his hand.

Austin couldn’t help but smile. As much as he hated all this, and as gross as he felt for laughing at his brother’s misfortune, he couldn’t deny that this was a lot easier.

He sighed, and headed off.

---

“Heading out again?” Called a voice that nearly made Austin trip over his own feet. 

“Ah- Oh, hey mom,” Austin forced out, rubbing the back of his neck, turning towards the TV his mother sat by. Despite the program just being the local news, on a completely uninteresting segment about grocery suppliers or something; and despite her seemingly acute awareness of her son’s whereabouts, she didn’t look at him. She seemed ready to head out herself, wearing her coat and high heels and all, but she didn’t even spare a glance away from the TV. “... Didn’t know you were home.”

“Where else would I be?” She replied, a tone that implied playfulness, but she remained completely stone faced, and completely transfixed by the meat aisle or whatever on screen. 

“Uh… But yeah, I am. You want me to pick anything up for you?”

“No, I’m alright,” She dismissed, and… that was all she said. No thank you, no goodbye, no be safe. 

Austin nodded, sighed, and hurried out the door without looking back. 

The segment came to an end, bright colors flashing on screen, with a reminder of what channel the viewers were watching.

DA17 - Jeremiah 1:9 ESV

District of Asagao News

And what followed was a rerun of an investigation from about a week prior, discussing the supposed mermaid sightings and declaring the phenomenon a hoax. The reporter in red had her words played back, big red “HOAX” stamp graphic and all, but with two minor differences.

For one, the remark at the end, pertaining to the discovery of any “virtuous mermen” and asking they be sent her way, was completely cut out.

And two, there was an entirely new ending card, smooth jazz playing against red text on a black background, reading: 

DA17 - Jeremiah 1:9 ESV

District of Asagao News

ADDITION: The District Of Asagao News reminds its citizens that the supposed mermaid sightings seen in recent are a hoax. The source of this hoax, however, whoever may be orchestrating it, is still unknown. The District Of Asagao News is further investigating, and we ask that citizens of Asagao keep away from beaches if possible, until we are certain that the source of this hoax has been stomped out. 

 The District Of Asagao News thanks you for your attention and cooperation.

God bless.

Chapter Text

Austin felt bad; he really did, much more in retrospect. But he couldn’t lie, within about five minutes of being out of the house, he had pretty much completely forgotten about the whole… thing that had happened between him and his brother the other night. 

He didn’t blame himself, really. There was only so much stress, grief and brotherly conflict a guy could put up with in such a condensed amount of time. He had learned, known most of his life, that he should be grateful for the time he gets to spend free and independent, out on the town and as… safe as it could get in this kind of town. And certainly, with Jeff now in his life, he valued that time more than ever; if he wanted to lay the blame on one person in particular, it would land squarely on Jeff. 

He didn’t blame Jeff either, though. It wasn’t his fault that he was so incredible and fascinating and just straight up cool, which was a thought that always surprised him to think, when he remembered how they met, and how little time had actually passed. 

Not that he’d ever fight it, though.

Rather than stick around at home, with all of Stewart’s moodiness and hypocrisy, all of… whatever his deal even was, that Austin couldn’t be bothered to try and figure out at the moment, he thought he’d go hang out with Jeff instead. Which was the only place he ever really wanted to be, honestly. Maybe he should have been a little worried about being too predictable, but he couldn’t say he was. 

Before he got to the beach, though, he made sure he was prepared. He knew Jeff was curious; and there was so much Austin always wanted to show him, so he made sure to fill his backpack to the brim with stuff for him. From home, he packed the mostly empty sketchbook from under his bed, and a couple pencils he found lying around. But most of what he had, he got from the nearest Bullseye, essentially speedrunning his shopping run and snatching anything off the shelves that he thought might be interesting to Jeff, and was, of course, mostly affordable. 

He ended up with a pack of ready to eat sushi, that he hoped would be of semi-decent quality and not, like, scarring or anything to Jeff; a pack of colored pencils, he hoped Jeff would actually care about the whole drawing thing, or if not, that he’d at least appreciate the colors; some little twist-y necklace clasps that he was lucky enough to find abandoned on the same shelf as the colored pencils, which was something he totally forgot he wanted to do, but he hoped would be big enough for the string he used for their necklaces; a little pack of N&N’s for himself, a bottle of water, and some Howdy Kitty hair pins he grabbed as he was checking out. He had no idea if Jeff would care about those- about anything Austin was bringing, but he supposed it didn’t really matter. Hanging out with Jeff was always good, regardless of what they were doing, just because Jeff was so awesome like that. And he knew, at least, that Jeff would appreciate the effort, even if he didn’t like any of it.

Austin really hoped he’d like it all, though. He couldn’t help but think that Jeff would look adorable in those little hair pins…

Soon enough, Austin was on his way again, and nothing else mattered. It was a little funny, how these little things, as trivial and childish as branded bobby pins and colored pencils, were able to fill up his brain and push everything else away. 

Returning to the beach went about as smoothly as it always did; the bus ride to Northbrook was spent staring out the window, holding his backpack in his lap and bouncing in his seat with excitement; and after a short walk along the shore, there Jeff was once again. 

He practically sprinted over to Jeff as he pulled himself out of the water, crashing onto his knees and grinning brightly. “Hey!”

And although the landing was rough, and once again, he was cursed to have sand stuck in his shoes, his socks, and all of his clothes, really; the smile on Jeff’s face made it completely worth it. He smiled back, those sharp teeth of his totally overshadowed by the sheer sweetness of his smile, the color of his cheeks- he looked squishy, something that Austin had never actually realized before, but he couldn’t let it go once the thought was in his head.

“Woah. Hey,” Jeff replied, giggling like a child, pressing his knuckles to his lips. “You’re excited.”

“A little,” Austin admitted, taking off his backpack and laying it in between them, unzipping the top and starting to take out his stuff. “I- I went to the store right before I got here, and- Well, I got stuff from home too, but- It’s for you.”

Jeff tilted his head to the side slightly, eyebrows scrunching together; although the smile on his face never faltered. “Store, is… Uh… Oh, yeah, I know what a store is. That’s where you use the… money-ies, right?”

Austin snorted, struggling to get the towel out of his backpack, but merely tossing it to the side when he finally got it out. “Yes, that- That is correct.”

“Yeah!” Jeff chirped, the pride shining on his face like a sunbeam. “And money can be exchanged for goods and services, that’s how humans do it, and- Oh, wait- You spent money-ies on me?”

“I- Well, yeah,” Austin murmured, realizing as he fished out the sketchbook that his hands were trembling a bit more than he’d like them to. “Most, uh… human things do. But it’s not a big deal, if you’re worried about me- spending too much, or whatever.”

He almost wanted to tell Jeff that just money was actually the correct plural term- but it was… adorable, honestly. His excitement over what Austin had brought, the curiosity and fascination shining in his eyes- oh, they’re green today- his eagerness to learn about everything that was new to him. It was adorable- he was adorable, and so he couldn’t bring himself to correct him. Couldn’t bring himself to change anything about him, do anything but keep the happiness coming. 

“Oh, well… If you’re sure,” Jeff chirped, a slight twinge of hesitation left in his voice, but almost entirely overwhelmed by his excitement once again. “Yeah, uh… we… don’t really have that, here. No money-ies or stores, and- well, Ian’s kind of got a store, I guess, but he does mean trades, and I’m not sure if he’s ever actually sold anything.”

Austin chuckled, absent-mindedly continuing to struggle with getting everything out of the backpack. “Oh right, yeah, guess you guys wouldn’t. Or, well- actually, would having more of that even be possible? I don’t- I don’t remember how many of, uh- well, you, there are.”

Jeff paused for a moment, visibly thinking hard and counting on his fingers.

“There’s like, uhhh…. I think three- oh, no, two now- wait, no, yeah, three now, I think. Yeah. Three other mers like me that I know, at least, are like- anywhere near here, although I haven’t seen two of them in forever. We tend to move around a lot, so- y’know, it depends. I dunno’. But, going back to the thing, uh, what’s the word, uh… Eco… Eco-gnomey?”

“Economy?” Austin corrected, feeling like his face was heating up from how hard he was trying not to laugh at him.

“Yeah, that’s the word! Economy. Yeah, we, uh… don’t have one. Probably can’t because of how few of us there are, yeah. There’s no money-ies, except for the human coins, but those don’t really have any, like, actual set value here. We just kinda… get what we need on our own, really. Or we beat eachother up for it.”

“Oh no...”

“I mean, it works alright for me! I’m scary!” Jeff exclaimed, hooking a finger onto the side of his mouth and showing off his teeth, half-snarling for Austin while still obviously beaming. Maybe it would have worked a couple weeks prior, but Austin didn’t find it very scary at all. Adorable, instead- like everything about him. But still, Austin tried to feign being scared, which Jeff seemed to appreciate, dropping his expression and giggling again. “Mostly. I mean, they’re pretty tough too, so like… I don’t know, you see… a lot, down there. I get by, though. Haven’t died yet!”

“Nice, good, I- I’m proud of you, I guess?” Austin praised, smiling awkwardly and glancing at the sea out of the corner of his eye. 

He knew that the ocean was… dangerous, obviously. He was still pretty scared of it, which probably didn’t come as a surprise to everyone- even if Stewart thought he was already over it or something, the whole near-death thing was kind of not great. Even if he didn’t remember much of anything about drowning, it still made this unsettled, anxious ache flare up in his chest, made his heart race and his hands shake, every single time he was too close to any source of deep water. Not even just the ocean- he remembered getting scared of the bathtub when he had to get up to pee in the middle of the night, only a couple days after the incident itself.  

It was okay when he was with Jeff, though. Maybe because they were far enough up onto the shore, far enough away from where the ocean might start being somewhat dangerously deep- or maybe he just felt comfortable and safe enough with Jeff to offset that feeling completely. But either way, he supposed he had gotten to the point where he didn't consider Jeff to be a part of the ocean’s danger anymore. 

And… Austin really didn’t like the thought of Jeff being in danger.

Austin trusted him, sure- he totally was scary, but… He knew that he wouldn’t ever truly know if Jeff was safe when they were apart. Except maybe for that emotional link thing? If it could reach that far? But by then, it would probably be too late, and...

Well, he didn’t know what he would do if Jeff ever got hurt.

“Well yeah, you better be!” Jeff crowed, grinning with razor sharp teeth. Austin sighed, shaking his head, ignoring that entire train of thought, and focused back on his backpack, finally managing to get everything out and somewhat orderly.

“Okay, okay, I am, uh… Where should we start? You hungry?” Austin asked, picking up the pack of sushi. Jeff’s eyes widened at the word hungry, but he looked at the unfamiliar box suspiciously. “Dunno’ if you’d actually like it, I know, uh- human food doesn’t always vibe with you, but I thought you might like it since it’s got shrimp in it-”

Jeff’s entire face lit up at the mention, reaching for the pack.

“Shrimp? Oh dude, gimme.” Austin let Jeff snatch the box out of his hands, and Jeff immediately began clawing at the packaging, trying to understand how it opened. 

“Uh- It- It opens from the side, Jeff,” Austin tried to explain, but Jeff either didn’t understand or just didn’t listen, continuing to try to rip it open. After about seven seconds of frustratedly trying to open the pack, he growled, and attempted to bite it. “I- Oh God no that’s plastic, Jeff- God, okay-”

Austin scooted around his backpack and towards Jeff, pulling the box out of Jeff’s mouth, which thankfully, he let go of. Jeff grimaced, sticking out his tongue, clearly not a fan of the taste of cardboard and plastic. The bite marks were rather… frightening looking, Austin could admit, but alas, still unsuccessful at opening the package. Austin sighed, peeling open the side of the box and pulling out the plastic tray of sushi. “See, from the side.”

Jeff perked up again slightly, now that the sushi was out of the box, but he still made an effort to look less-than-pleased. “Usually when I bite things like that, it works…”

“I- I’m sure it does,” Austin murmured, really trying not to laugh at Jeff. “But hey, lesson learned. Cardboard and plastic tastes bad! But, uh- this stuff, hopefully, should taste better…?” Austin wished he could have ended that sentence with a little more confidence, but Jeff still seemed intrigued enough. Austin took out one of the rolls and gingerly put it into Jeff’s hand. Jeff stared at it, confused.

“So, uh- This is called sushi. It’s got shrimp in the middle there, if that’s what you’re looking for-”

“Oh,” Jeff muttered, slightly disappointed. He probably wanted more shrimp. Note to self, just get him a bag of shrimp next time.

“ Yeah. And, um- The green stuff also in the middle there is avocado, I don’t know if you know what that is, but it’s a fruit, and wrapped around it is seaweed, and wr-”

“What’s the white stuff?” Jeff asked, picking off a couple grains of rice and examining them closely.

“That is rice. It comes from a plant, it- I think it grows in water, actually, yeah.”

Jeff hummed, putting the couple grains of rice into his mouth and visibly contemplating. “... Tastes like nothing.”

“Well, I mean… Yeah, it’s not really supposed to taste like much. The stuff in the middle of the roll, or that you put on it gives it the flavor. It’s like, uh… a cushion, kind of, for the flavor? I… No, that’s a really weird way of phrasing it. Uhh…” Austin rambled, failing to find the right way to explain, but it didn’t really matter; with no further ado, Jeff popped the entire roll into his mouth.

And after a moment of chewing, he raised his eyebrows, a smile slowly growing on his face.

“You like it?” Austin asked, sighing with relief. Jeff didn’t actually answer; instead he just giggled, and grabbed another roll out of the pack. 

“I didn’t even know you could eat seaweed, dude. I’d probably be less starving if I did that more.”

“I- Well, I think you gotta cook it to make it edible.”

Jeff paused right as he was about to eat his second roll, taking a moment to stare at the seaweed in the middle. “Oh, yeah. It looks darker than usual, I think.”

“Yeah,” Austin chuckled, trying to ignore the fact that he was kind of very upset at the fact that Jeff said he was starving. He didn’t want to ask when Jeff last ate, that might be a little rude; and he didn’t know how often a mer like Jeff was supposed to be eating anyway, but he hated the idea of Jeff going hungry. Seriously, bring him more food next time. “I’m glad you like it, though! You can have as many as you want, ‘s all for you.”

Jeff grinned, a bit of sunset pink and purple prickling on his cheeks. “Oh, thank you! It’s, uh- it’s nice to know that if I ever do get to visit the human world for a while, I won’t starve.”

Jeff then devoured the sushi roll with the ferocity of a dog being fed 10 minutes after its dinnertime, immediately reaching for his third, and Austin had to act like he couldn’t feel his heart literally flutter at the idea of it. He’d been trying to show Jeff his world all of this time, and being able to actually show him around it would be a dream; and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before. Multiple times per day, in fact. But he had always assumed the very idea of it was impossible- but there was still so much he didn’t know, he supposed.

And the way Jeff spoke about it; it gave him hope. Almost certainly, much more than was warranted- but still, hope.

“I- Well, we have just regular, straight-up fish here too, so you wouldn’t, but- if- I, um- Y-yeah. This kind of sushi is, uh- you can just buy it ready to eat, so- well, I’d still say this brand is pretty good, as far as boxed sushi goes, but the kind you get in restaurants and stuff is usually better, so- Uh, yeah. I- I think you’d like that. And there’s tons of different types, too,” Austin babbled, scratching his chin, hoping that he wasn’t as physically flushed as he felt.

“That sounds really good,” Jeff replied, chewing his third roll. “I probably seem picky by human standards, but I’m really not. I just eat, like- entire fishes, and other animals whenever I get the chance. Not the most, uh… there’s a human word for it, I think… Gourmet?” Jeff mused, swallowing and already reaching for his fourth. “Yeah, I think that’s the word. I don’t know, my diet’s weird.”

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Austin remarked, trying to distract himself with what he would show Jeff next, which did not succeed in calming him down at all. He sighed, picking up the Howdy Kitty hair pins.

“It’s wild. I ate a seagull once, and I did not enjoy it, they’re really sharp and-” Jeff began, but stopped himself mid sentence as soon as he saw the hair pins. “I- Oh my god, are those what I think they are?”

“Huh?” Austin squeaked as Jeff grabbed them out of his hands, with even more intensity than he had with the sushi.

“This- Dude, this is the kitty!” Jeff cried, pointing at the kitty head part of the pin. “I- I’ve seen this thing everywhere, I found this doll, and this- this mirror, I think that’s what it’s called, with the kitty on the back of it. And things like this too, but it’s more, uh- Clippy?” Jeff rambled, miming the clippy action with his hands. “I- I don’t know, but this is it? I’ve been trying to figure out what it means, I- What is it?”

Austin blinked, taking a moment to process the information. “I- Well, uh… That is, uh… Her name is Howdy Kitty. She’s, uh… A brand, basically. A mascot. People put her face on stuff to sell products, and… yeah. I don’t know.”

“Ohhh…” Jeff whispered, staring at the hair pins again. “... Like with the… economy stuff?”

“Yeah, yeah. Exactly that.”

“... Okay, that makes sense. I thought she was like… I don’t know, I just thought it meant something else,” Jeff chuckled, now struggling with the packaging once more. “Humans worship things, I ‘dunno.”

Austin quickly took them back before Jeff got the chance to bite it and took out two of the hair pins. “Well, uh- Yeah, true. But uh, so- These are hair pins. They, uh… pin your hair back, sometimes, if you want them too. And they’re pretty. That’s kind of it.”

That was more than enough for Jeff, now just beaming at Austin. “Pretty.”

“Yeah, uh…” Austin chuckled, smiling back, but noticing that his hands were shaking again. “Do you mind if I…?”

Touch your hair was the other half of that sentence, but for whatever reason, Austin couldn’t bring himself to spit it out. Jeff seemed to get the message though, continuing to smile brightly. He took a moment to run his fingers through his hair, semi-styling it as it had only just started to dry in the sun- side note, a thing Austin just couldn’t help but notice was how fluffy it got, how was that even possible- and he nodded.

Austin nodded back, taking a deep breath, and tucked in the hair pin just above Jeff’s ear. 

That wasn’t so hard, Austin thought to himself as he pulled away. But as soon as he did, seeing Jeff’s face again, still smiling like he’d just won the lottery- still looking at Austin like he was his winning ticket- he was immediately reminded of why it was actually very difficult.

Jeff giggled to himself, lightly adjusting the pin above his ear. ”Pretty,” he repeated to himself, and Austin didn’t know what the hell he was thinking when he bought this, because he was pretty sure he was going to fucking die. Cause of death: Shark with a Howdy Kitty hair pin, apparently.

But while Austin was sitting idly, trying to make himself keep breathing and not die, Jeff decided to make that even harder for him, deciding to do the same thing Austin just did. He took the remaining hair pin out of Austin’s hand, sat up to reach Austin’s hair, and tucked it in the same spot, just above his ear.

Jeff then sat back, admiring his work and clearly still having a great time, and said, “Pretty on you too.”

And Austin felt like something inside him broke with that. All he could hear inside his own head was screaming. 

“Um… anyway,” Jeff broke the silence, after however long Austin was just sitting there, blue-screened.

“Ah- Oh, right, sorry!” Austin sighed, scooting back a bit, looking back at his pile. His hand hovered over the necklace clasps for a moment, before diverting to the sketchbook. He needed a break from such… close, intimate contact, or else he’d probably, like, die.

“Okay, so, uh- This is called a sketchbook,” Austin explained, clearing his throat. He moved back enough for the sketchbook to fit between them, and adjusted to lay down on his side. Jeff watched him closely, mirroring Austin’s action and stretching his tail out to the side. “You, uh- You draw in it. That’s… yeah, that’s it.”

Austin knew that wasn't the most convincing way of phrasing it, but he hoped demonstrating would be better, grabbing his various pencils and laying them out next to the sketchbook. Jeff’s eyes widened when he noticed the colored pencils; and Austin found it adorable how he could always rely on that to get Jeff excited. 

“So, these are pencils, you- Oh, I need to show you how to hold it probably,” Austin interrupted himself, picking up one of the regular pencils and sitting up, scooting towards Jeff again; apparently, already forgetting how too much close, intimate proximity freaked him out. 

Jeff sat up as well in response, staring at the pencil; likely due to the fact that he still had no idea what it was. 

“So, you hold it like this ,” Austin said, demonstrating. “With like, your finger and your thumb together, and resting on your, uh- other finger.” 

Jeff nodded along, lacking any context or knowledge to respond otherwise.

“So, you try.” Austin handed Jeff the pencil, and Jeff twirled the pencil around in his hand for a moment, still entirely unfamiliar with it; but eventually mirroring the way Austin held it. “Uh- Oh, yep, that’s perfect!” 

Austin went back over to his side of the sketchbook and laid down again. Quick learners, right. “So, what that pencil does is, you draw with it. It’s got lead- or, wait, graphite- whatever, inside of it, and so whenever you put it down on paper-” Austin continued, demonstrating his point and drawing a squiggle on the paper. “It shows up like that. And you can draw pretty much, whatever you want.”

Jeff’s eyes lit up again, breaking into a smile, and Jeff required no further explanation, grabbing a pencil and just going to town on it. He began with squiggles and spirals like Austin, but soon enough he was full on drawing. He quickly learned how to use the colored pencils, grinning to himself and muttering various iterations of the word pretty, and Austin didn’t need to say another thing to him; he just went. And knowing the nature of mers, it made sense; but damn, Jeff was a pretty good artist, especially for only having just learned how to hold a pencil. 

Austin tried to keep up, doodling more squiggles on his side of the paper, trying to draw some other simple animals, mostly fishes; but he found himself more inclined to only watch Jeff. Austin couldn’t be sure what Jeff’s thought process was, exactly what he was drawing and why; but it was fascinating to watch. Jeff jumped from sketch to sketch, detailing shells and other items Jeff must have collected, underwater landscapes- one being an outward facing cave looking like it might be where Jeff lived- birds and fishes, even trying to write something; although Austin had no idea what it was supposed to say. But it really looked like Jeff was having the time of his life; and Austin felt so glad he was able to give it to Jeff. Made his heart beat faster and made him feel all weird and mushy inside, and was mildly painful- but mostly, he just felt proud.

In the middle of working, Jeff spoke up. “This probably can’t… go underwater, can it?”

“Oh, uh… No, I’m afraid. Ruins the paper,” Austin answered, feeling his insides shrivel up when Jeff frowned, using those puppy-dog eyes- God, how did he even do that?

“Thought so,” Jeff replied, shrugging. “That’s kinda sad. But yeah, if paper wasn’t so… not-waterproof, I’d probably be able to read better,” Jeff laughed, quickly regaining his peace of mind and focusing back on his drawing. Note to self, get him more waterproof stuff, oh lord.

After a while of drawing; more so, watching Jeff draw and eat another sushi roll every couple minutes, Austin glanced over at his backpack and remembered the last thing he brought. He grabbed the necklace clasps and decided to start with his own, struggling to untie the knot and then tie the string around the clasps, but eventually getting it. The clasps were just wide enough for the string, and Jeff was too absorbed in his drawing for Austin to be embarrassed. And putting the necklace back around his neck, twisting the clasps together, made him feel... inexplicably happy. 

“So, uh, Jeff-” Austin started, his eyes falling directly onto his target, Jeff’s necklace, and noticing just how pretty it was on him all over again. “Last thing I got is for your necklace, it’s uhh- a twisty thing, so that you can take it on and off if you have to, without having to untie the knot.”

Jeff looked up and smiled, although it was clear he was still more focused on the sketchbook. “Oh, okay! Do you need me to, uh-” Jeff asked, touching the string of his necklace with his free hand.

“Oh- no, I got it, you’re fine,” Austin replied, crawling back over to Jeff’s side of the sketchbook and adjusting behind him, finding the knot and trying to untie it once more.

As expected, it was difficult; maybe even more than it was before, now that Austin’s hands were shaking again, and his eyes wandered from the knot itself to the skin of Jeff’s back. Austin didn’t know what exactly about it made him so… distracted, as it did, he didn’t understand the how or why of it; but he couldn’t stop now that it was on his mind. He… 

Well, he liked looking at Jeff. He knew that admitting to that was a bit of a slippery slope, but it was true. Jeff was cool looking, and pretty, and fascinating, and he was something Austin wanted to learn all about. And, apparently, that included every detail of him- every patch of rough sharkskin and bumpy watercolor that lined his shoulders and trailed down his back. Every curve, every line, every bone, every lean muscle built up from however long Jeff had been alive and on the hunt. Every little piece of him that made him so wonderful, made Austin so unworthy of his presence- made Austin unable to perform simple tasks due to the magnitude of his awe. Wasn’t there a poem about something like that, or whatever?

Austin released a shaky breath, finally untying the knot, carefully taking the necklace off. Adding the clasps went a little easier, since he didn’t have to stare directly at Jeff’s body, but he still struggled more than he should have. If Jeff was actually paying attention to him in that moment, he’d be done for. But eventually he did succeed, thank God, and he looped the necklace back around Jeff’s neck, twisting the clasps together to lock it. 

“There. Got it,” Austin announced, moving to be by Jeff’s side. “So if you twist those little things, they’ll either separate or come together, so it should be easier to get on and off if you ever need to.”

Jeff smiled again, reaching his arms back to test the clasp, and the sight of Jeff like he was stretching made Austin forcibly avert his eyes. He was just staring at his muscles, he didn’t need to see him flex too-

So instead, Austin’s gaze landed on the sketchbook, and found a portrait of himself, smiling, colored yellow like the sun.

And Austin didn’t know why, but just the sight of it made him tear up.

---

“God- Fuck, okay, I’m so sorry dude-”

Stewart really didn’t appreciate the way Dean was laughing at him, but he also couldn’t say he blamed Dean.

“It’s just- God, you’re such a fucking hypocrite, it’s kind of hilarious.”

Stewart groaned, snuggling in closer to Dean as if that could make the rest of the world disappear, pressing his face into Dean’s chest. “I know.”

“I’m sure you don’t really need me to tell you at this point, but like- I think you’re kind of at a point of no return here.”

“I know…”

“Mhm. So, does that mean you’re gonna tell him?”

“... I guess. ”

Chapter Text

“Can we… talk?”

Austin was partially on autopilot as he made his way back to his room, focused on daydreaming about his future with Jeff, more things he could bring him and the things they could do; but Stewart’s voice startled him out of it. He was expecting a quiet night at home- really, he needed one to calm down after everything, he needed some time to sort himself out- but apparently, he wouldn’t be so lucky.  His parents were both absent in their separate ways, as expected, and that wasn’t a problem- but Austin was expecting, or hoping Stewart would still be keeping himself locked in his room with all his misery. But no; of course not- 

Oh, wait.

Suddenly, Austin remembered, he literally fucking asked for this. When he was bullying Stewart outside of his room, and asked him to tell him who Dean was. Assuming that was, in fact, what Stewart wanted to talk about.

Well… uh, oops.

“Oh, uh- Hey,” Austin muttered, giving the conversation an actual start, rather than the way Stewart jumpscared him from the doorway. “Okay…? You alright?”

Stewart, unsurprisingly, didn’t give much of an answer. His eyes darted away for a moment, there was the tiniest shift in his facial expression, the most minute motion that could almost be interpreted as shaking his head no; but rather than giving a flat out response, instead he gingerly pointed to Austin’s door with his thumb- presumably, suggesting that they talk inside.

Austin really didn’t know why Stewart always seemed to insist upon that. It wasn’t like anyone was going to hear them- their mom secluded herself like always- and if they did have the misfortune of somehow being overheard, he didn’t think it would make a difference whether they were in the hallway or in his room. Maybe Stewart felt safer with some closer walls around him, more security in being closed off from the rest of the world, surrounded by his own brother’s possessions to disrespect. And maybe Austin would have seen the value in that, were it not always at his expense.

But Austin didn’t think saying no would go over very well, considering Stewart’s emotional state, so he reluctantly nodded and followed Stewart in. 

Almost immediately, Stewart once again sat down on Austin’s bed, sighing heavily and rubbing his temples. He refrained from… completely lying down, which was at least something, Austin supposed- but still, he wasn’t happy about this. 

He noted that really, he wasn’t happy- or rather, just not uncomfortable- whenever Stewart came to talk to him about anything even mildly serious. And maybe that was kind of a problem, kind of something he should absolutely get over- but he didn’t know what he was meant to do about it. Stewart was the one making it hard for him, being all… the way that he was.

“So, uh…” Stewart started, his teeth grinding into a half smile, looking utterly pained. “I… guess I should apologize for… freaking out at you like I did.” 

Austin certainly remembered; although he couldn’t say he was expecting an apology. Huh.

“Uh- It’s fine, I- I mean, it’s not like I was offended, I had no freaking clue what you were talking about,” Austin replied, carefully sitting next to Stewart on the edge of the bed, but still giving him about a foot of space.

“Still, I- God, I don’t even know what I was thinking,” Stewart muttered, speaking more to the floor than he was to Austin. “Didn’t even make sense, like- timing-wise, there’s been so many times where I’ve been out with him and you’re out with your guy, I- just… It was stupid and paranoid of me. Don’t… ever do as I do on that front, that was ridiculous, and if anyone else had… God, whatever. Doesn’t matter.”

Stewart sighed, and Austin watched as he slowly regained his composure, breathing deeply and running his fingers over the sheets. If Stewart was expecting him to say anything in response, Austin had nothing; what was he supposed to say? He already knew, kind of, all of that- and he wasn’t sure how he felt about Stewart dismissing it so quickly, even treating it like a lesson, but alas, like always, he couldn’t quite articulate why. So, they sat in silence for a couple moments more, until Stewart spoke up once again. 

“... So… I guess I should just say it,” Stewart said, his voice lowering to a whisper. “... Dean is my… boyfriend.”

Finally, Stewart glanced towards Austin again. The look on his face was… honestly, still pretty pitiful. Slightly relieved, but still miserable, and utterly disarming- Austin couldn’t even think while he was looking at it.

“Uh… Okay?”

Stewart stared at him. 

“I mean, uh- cool? I- I dunno’, I- I mean, I guess I kinda gathered that from the way you were acting, but- Huh. Yeah. Wow.”

Stewart rolled his eyes, finally looking away and giving Austin a bit of relief. “Thanks,” he muttered in a deadpan.

“Yeah, no prob, I- I dunno’ what you really want me to say. Congrats? Good… job? I’m happy for you, dude, I- Well, I never really thought of you as the type, but- whatever, yeah.” Austin rambled, not necessarily processing the true magnitude of what Stewart had just dropped on him. “Uhhh… Is he cute?”

Stewart huffed, and flopped onto his back, dragging his hands over his face. “God, you’re so, fuckin’... I hate you.”

It took almost all of Austin’s will not to laugh in the few moments of silence.

“... But yeah, he’s cute,” Stewart murmured, clearly regretting it immediately after speaking, attempting to hide the abject horror plainly written on his face in his hands. Austin couldn’t refrain from smiling at that; it was too fucking good not to. Really, it went without saying that he had never been able to imagine Stewart saying such a thing, never in a million years- and yet, somehow, Austin had managed to drag it out of him. That implied, at least, some degree of intelligence and cunning, and so Austin was a little bit proud of himself.

But then, the discovery started to actually set in. Stewart Hargrave; his brother, the man, the myth, the legend- with his own ( alleged ) actual, committed boyfriend, who was allegedly cute - and Austin believed Stewart when he said that, because he just knew Stewart did not have the strength in him to lie about something as personal and treacherous as that. 

And… honestly, Austin found it a little embarrassing that the ever-struggling Stewart Hargrave had managed to get hitched before he did. Sure, Stewart had about a two year head start, but still; really? The same Stewart Hargrave he’d known for all these years, really.

Austin found two conclusions within that revelation: that one, Stewart must have gotten insanely lucky, because literally how else could this shit have happened; and two, he really needed to step his game up. He had no idea how, and the only boy he had to work with on-hand was literally half shark- but he couldn’t stand to let Stewart one-up him like this, no freaking way.

“... Wowwww,” Austin gasped, pressing his hand to his heart. “Well, you can’t hold out on me now, what’s he like?”

Stewart took another couple moments to lay there like he regretted being born, indiscernibly grumbling to himself, before speaking up once more. “... I guess, a lot like the guy you described. I don’t know what else you want me to say. He’s, uh… weird. Feels like he’s from a different planet, sometimes. He, uh… I think he lives in a van-”

“Wait, wh- like, he’s an actual beach hobo?” Austin interrupted, furrowing his brow.

“Isn’t yours, as well?”

“I- No, I- Uh- Not like that, ” Austin retorted, needing a second to recover from the term Stewart used; yours, like Jeff belonged to him. He wasn’t really sure why, and he didn’t plan on dwelling on it, but that just… caught him off guard. “Like, my friend , uh- he spends most of his time there, sure, but he doesn’t live there. I don’t think he does, at least.”

“You told me he lives on the beach.”

“I- Did I? I just- I don’t really know where he lives, okay, I haven’t seen any type of arrangement, like a van or whatever. I don’t know, and- look, I just really wasn’t expecting you to be the type going for… that, y’know?”

Stewart just… blinked at him, seeming to have entirely detached himself from his dignity.

“... Well, I’ll have you know, it’s much better living than this.”

“... Yeah, that’s fair,” Austin muttered in response. He couldn’t quite find it in himself to be smug about Stewart’s lack of any further defense.

“... Okay, so,” Stewart sighed, sitting up and turning to look Austin right in the eyes. “Is that enough for you? Are you… what, satisfied yet?”

“I’m- What? What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to stop lying to me now?” Stewart snapped, and suddenly, Austin remembered; oh, right. This is what this is all about.

Because lord knows that Stewart would never give up that kind of sensitive information if he wasn’t getting something out of it. And surely, never otherwise willingly.

“Are we- are we level, here? Have I sacrificed enough- am I vulnerable enough for you now?” Stewart continued, almost belligerently, making Austin feel the need to stop him as soon as possible.

“Oh- Okay, God, dude, okay. Fine,” Austin replied, waving his hands as he wasn’t sure what to do with them; he considered it, but ultimately decided against touching Stewart- it was most likely better to just give him what he wanted. Austin really didn’t like the feeling of not being sure what Stewart would do or say if he didn’t get what he wanted, after all this time- and he didn’t want to find out. “What do you want to know?”

Stewart sighed in relief, tilting his head backwards and staring up at the ceiling. “Finally, fucking God,” he muttered to himself. “ Jeff. Just tell me, straight up, what is going on with you two assholes.”

“Um…” Austin swallowed, scratching the back of his neck; once again, finding himself in a corner, concerning how much of the truth he could actually tell. He told Stewart about him, of course, he knew his name; and he knew how often they were hanging out, and the significantly suspicious context of those visits. But how to describe what they were, Austin found himself empty-handed. Or empty-tongued, maybe? “You’re… okay, you’re gonna think I’m lying again-”

“Austin.”

“But I swear I’m not, okay?” Austin explained, ruffling his hair. “It’s- it’s actually weird, and not that simple, and- like, you’re actually kind of flexing on me by being in an actual relationship. Like, you guys are actually an item, right?”

“I- Well, yeah…” Stewart replied, a small smile slowly forming on his face- the first genuine one Austin could think of in recent memory. “Am I really?”

“Yeah, but uh-” Austin continued, fully recognizing the ammunition he had just given Stewart- but at least it wasn’t the alternative. “Don’t let it get to your head, geez. I’m just saying, Jeff and I aren’t really… like that? Like- we’re close, yeah, I can’t say I’ve ever… known anyone like him before, but… yeah.”

Understatement of the year, Austin. Great job.

Stewart blinked slowly, biting the inside of his cheek, seemingly contemplating whether or not he was going to say something.

And then, quietly, he did.

“Loser.”

---

Even long after Stewart had finally left him alone, Austin couldn’t deny that Stewart had put some… ideas into his head. Austin didn’t think that should have been possible, and he hated it, but he couldn’t deny it.

He called him a freaking loser. Stewart Hargrave, his brother; nerd-supreme, hermit-ass, stupid-ass crybaby, called him a loser. And he was right, that was what Austin just couldn’t stand. He had managed to score an actual, official boyfriend before Austin had- despite him apparently being a literal beach hobo, it still counted. And apparently, a nice, handsome beach hobo, because Austin trusted that his brother’s standards weren’t that low. That entire concept was just… appalling to him, in a way that he couldn’t fully describe. 

And not only that, but that conversation made Austin start thinking.

Of course, the whole thing was a decent blow to his pride, but it didn’t… necessarily have to be related to Jeff, just because Jeff was the only other… acquaintance Austin could name that he had seen in months. Still, he could have sought out any other boy in town and gotten… rowdy, with them, and then most likely they’d be found out and he’d probably die- but then that would just be that. In death, at least, his loser status would hopefully be revoked. It didn’t have to be about Jeff, just because Stewart was convinced it was.

And yet, the concept of Jeff and the concept of being very gay were intrinsically linked in Austin’s mind. And maybe Austin was too broken down at that point, maybe he’d grown weak- but he didn’t think he could deny it anymore.

He felt almost numb to it. He found himself laying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights down low, clutching the compass Jeff had given him to his chest- he thought about showing it to Stewart, he knew he would have freaking loved it, and that Jeff would instantly win his approval, but…  c’mon, not after he roasted him like that. Stewart didn’t deserve it, and Austin didn’t think he was ready to share it- but at least that got him and Stewart on the same page. 

And amongst all of his thoughts, there were several recurring ones; the mere statement that he needed to do something, he needed to get even, he needed to reclaim his honor- alongside the image of Jeff, basking in the sun, smiling with sharpened teeth and kinder eyes than any human Austin had ever met. The feeling of Jeff’s skin beneath his fingertips, the grit of his colored patches, the miraculous way his hair dried in the sun and how it looked so soft- his laugh, his voice, his endless questions and innocence, how he wanted more than anything to be part of Austin’s world- how Austin would give anything to be part of his. 

To forever sit on the beach and be with him, to swim in deeper waters, actually knowing for once that he’s safe- to be rescued when the currents get too rough and drag him under, to be laid on the shore like he was when he first met Jeff, being reborn underneath him, again and again and again. 

Truly, he’d been reborn. He was so scared of all of those things once- hardly even a month ago- and yet, Jeff had entirely overwritten it, had proven him wrong . Rough waters were hardly a challenge for him, the horrors of the deep stood no match, fleeing in fear of his radiance . As long as he was with Jeff, he could struggle for air and lose sight of the surface hundreds of times; it wouldn’t matter. He knew Jeff would be there to help him catch his breath- and that was a type of trust that Austin had never known before. One that he had no idea how it actually happened, and so quickly- but one that he treasured above everything. One that Stewart absolutely had nothing on. 

And there was another thought, one that was certainly not to be forgotten about; the reminder that he was such a loser rang even more truthfully with every passing moment. 

But still, one thought specifically persisted- and while he knew Jeff probably didn’t even know what CPR was, it didn’t make it drive him any less crazy. God, almighty, did the image knock him dead. He could only wonder how… that would work with Jeff’s teeth, but by God was Austin up for the challenge. He didn’t want to keep wondering- he could hardly specify exactly what he wanted, but he knew that he wanted it all.

Yet again, the odd sensation returned, even heavier than it had before; he felt like he was drowning. 

And at last; he told himself he was done suffocating. He just wanted to breathe- God, he would do anything. He would never ask for anything else if he could just breathe.

…

And maybe, if he could also stop being such a damn loser.