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Chapter Text

Mingyu walked in the living room of his flat and the sight he saw made him smile fondly.

Hansol was sleeping.

He hovered him, both hands on the sides of his head and bent over to trail little kisses to his cheek down to his neck. He licked his skin, nipping gently, letting a little red mark appear.

“Hyung ?” Hansol woke up after feeling something wet on his neck, letting a little groan.

Mingyu grinned at him, capturing his boyfriend's lips. Hansol closed his eyes, kissing back, mouth moving along, Mingyu's hand going under his shirt, squeezing his waist, slowly going down on his hip-

“S-Stop”

Mingyu froze and quickly pulled away, panicking when he saw Hansol's expression. “Fuck- Hansol I'm sorry-”

Hansol had pushed away his hand brutally, quickly sitting, trying to calm his shakiness, his anxiety increased in a second, he closed his eyes, breathing fastly, Mingyu knowing that it would be better if he let Hansol have some space.

“H-Hansol, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- I'm just so sorry-”

He tried putting a hand on his thigh- 

“Don't touch me !” He yelled, a raise of panic taking upon his body, cold sweats and fear made him want to vomit. 

Of course, Mingyu pulled away his hand, feeling his heart clenched at his harsh words, but he couldn't feel mad or anything, knowing Hansol went through a lot.

After what happened to him a few months ago, his life with Hansol had drastically changed, not able to cuddle like before or to enjoy themselves, Hansol having more anxiety attacks and him being just so powerless.

He should have gone with him that day, he shouldn't have let him alone-

He blinked when he felt Hansol holding his hand, calmer than before yet trembling.

“S-Stop thinking of that” he croaked out. When he looked up, Mingyu just wanted to hug him tight, help him get rid of his demons. “I-I'm... I'm sorry hyung” he looked down at their linked hands before breaking it. Mingyu wanted to take back his hand when Hansol stood up, but he shouldn't trigger him more.

“Hyung... I think…” Hansol suddenly shook his head. “I-I have to go” he quickly put his shoes and rushed out of their appart. Mingyu just looked at Hansol's back until he couldn't see him anymore.

“I'm so fucking dumb”

●○●

Hansol panted after running like that, sliding down a wall, burying his face in his hands, not caring of how people were looking at him.

“Don't touch me-”

He was suddenly shoved on the floor, feeling hands on his body, screaming and begging them to stop-

Hansol breathed heavily, his body shaking more.

“You love it uh ?”

His hair was yanked backwards, before something heavy and big was forced in his mouth, another one taking his hips strongly, the smell so disgusting and heavy-

“Are you okay ?”

Hansol flinched and looked up, hot tears running on his cheeks making the stranger to feel a little more worried.

The stranger kneeled and put a hand on Hansol's shoulder before he was harshly pushed by him making him fall on his butt. Hansol quickly stood up and took a step away of the man. “D-Don't touch me”

The stranger lifted his hands, sitting on his butt. “I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you, you just looked like you needed help” he said calmly.

Hansol wiped away his tears before running away, not trusting the guy. He didn't hear the man yelling, simply trying to go in a place where he would be in security.

Hansol stopped his running, taking his earphones out with shaky hands, pushing it in his ears hastily, the music bursting through it.

He laid under a big tree, looking up at the sky and the leaves moving along with the wind, letting the breath he was holding.

Tears fell on his temples even with closed eyes, finally relaxing with the song coming through his earphones.

He slowly opened his puffy eyes, sky a light blue.

“I'm sorry hyung”

○●○

Mingyu began pacing in the room, looking at the clock, past 8 pm, trying to dial Hansol only to finish on his vocal message.

“Hansolie ? It's me again, please call me back I'm really worried” he hung up and panicked.

What if it happened again ? What if Hansol was in danger ? What if he was being abu-

“I'm home”

Mingyu sighed in relief and stopped himself from hugging Hansol in his arms. “Thank god you're fine ! I thought that something happened to you !”

Hansol gave him a weak smile. He hesitantly hugged Mingyu, startling him but quickly embraced him in his secure arms. “I'm sorry hyung…”

Mingyu smiled, hugging tighter his boyfriend. “It's okay Hansol”

They stayed like that for a moment until Hansol asked timidly. “Can we... can we look at a movie ?”

Mingyu smiled. “Of course”

●○●

Sometimes Mingyu would wake up with a hard on, cursing at himself and silently going in the bathroom taking care of it.

What he didn't know was Hansol waking up everytime and feeling more guilty.

He sighed shakily, tears filling his eyes, quickly closing them when he heard Mingyu entering back in and laying next to him yet a little distant. And Hansol could feel it, the missing warm of Mingyu's back hug.

But he couldn't ask him to cuddle, he couldn't.

He just couldn't.

Everytime he just remembered it, how painful it was, feeling the disgusting breath ghosting on his neck-

Tears rolled to finish on his pillow, trying to calm his heart and his breaths, trying to erase the pictures coming to his mind, just trying to forget everything.

“Hansolie ?”

Hansol began sobbing and Mingyu hugged him by behind, waiting him to yell... but nothing.

Mingyu smiled gently, kissing Hansol's back of head. “It's okay Solie, nothing will happen to you, I promise” he said slowly as Hansol turned himself, but the fact that he couldn't see his face made his fear grow wider, pushing Mingyu harshly, just seeing the men who abused him, laughing at him-

“D-Don't touch me-”

Hansol fell of the bed, quickly backing off, harshly tugging at his hair, eyes shut.

Mingyu quickly followed him, kneeling in front of him, trying to calm him.

“Hansol, it's me, Mingyu” he tried to smile but seeing Hansol like that, crying and shaking, he felt so useless. “Solie, look at me” his voice was gentle yet Hansol refused to look up.

“P-Please don't touch me-” he begged, tears wetting his cheeks, jaw clenched, hands tightly gripping his hair, trembling.

Mingyu stood up and turned on the light, himself tearing up at how his boyfriend became.

He kneeled back in front of him, Hansol opened slowly his eyes, looking up and meeting Mingyu's.

Mingyu gave him a small smile, his voice cracking. “It's me Hansolie”

Hansol cried more, burying his face in his hands. “I-I'm sorry hyung- I just- I can't- I can't hyung-”

Mingyu didn't hesitate and hugged him, tears falling from his eyes, stroking Hansol's hair gently.

“It's okay Hansolie, it's okay” he kept repeating over and over again as if he was trying to convince himself with those words.

“Everything will be fine”

○●○

“Hey, what happened to your face ? You look like a zombie”

Mingyu blinked, trying to focus back on his work, his bags under his eyes prominent. “I just…” Mingyu was way too tired to lie. “Hansol had a nightmare”

Wonwoo tilted his head. “Hansol ?”

Mingyu quickly explain. “Yeah, he's my boyfriend for three years now” he smiled at the thought before sighing.

Wonwoo lifted an eyebrow. “Does he have a lot of nightmares like that ?” He asked after catching the sadness in his eyes.

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo, not knowing if he should tell him or not. “Yeah, a lot”

It wasn't even a lie.

Every night, Hansol had a nightmare, every damn night.

Hansol must be the same mess than him and maybe worse.

Wonwoo didn't ask any more questions, seeing that it was getting too personal.

“He should maybe see a psychologist”

Mingyu looked up from his work, staring at Wonwoo. “I don't know…”

“If his nightmares are so present, it's better if he find why does he have them” he said, typing on his computer quickly.

When Mingyu didn't answer, he looked up and this time, Mingyu's eyes were filled of guilt.

“We already know why”

Wonwoo looked at him, wanting to ask but it was really way too personal.

“You should think about it, it could help him... and you”

Mingyu didn't answer, focusing back on his work but the idea stayed in the back of his mind.

●○●

Hansol walked down the neighborhood, smiling when he smelled the scent of fresh bread and cakes from the bakery.

He entered in, going behind the counter and wearing his worker's clothes before hearing his Boss yelled.

“Oh Vernonie ! You weren't supposed to come work today !” Jeonghan said, patting his head.

Hansol smiled slowly. “I know, I just needed to change my mind a little…” he muttered and Jeonghan quickly understood what it meant.

“Yeah okay, then go at the cashier”

As he was in front, he heard the door opening, looking up before freezing.

It was the guy.

“Hello- Oh ! It's you” he said, smiling a little. “You look like you're feeling better”

Hansol couldn't even meet the stranger's eyes, feeling a wave of fear. “Wh-What do you want t-to buy ?” He managed to say but his fear had the best of him, his voice cracking at the end.

It seemed to alert the stranger who quickly said. “Ah ! I'm sorry, I wasn't harassing you that night- I was worried for you” he stopped before sighing. “I'm sorry, I must look like a weird guy, I'm Choi Seungcheol”

Hansol finally dared to look up meeting the brown eyes before quickly looking down. “What do you want to buy ?” He asked again, hoping the man would understand.

“Uhm... a chocolate cake, please”

Hansol nodded, quickly taking a cake and putting it in a white box then on the counter.

“It's 15000 Won”

Seungcheol pouted as the boy kept avoiding his eyes.

Was he really that scary ?

He glanced at his name tag.

Vernon.

He took his wallet and paid it, Hansol quickly thanking him and saying a “Have a good day”.

Seungcheol said slowly. “I'm sorry for scaring you, I really didn't mean to” Hansol met his eyes filled of guilt before looking away when suddenly Seokmin appeared. “Hansolie ? Are you okay ?” He asked in concern before looking up at the guy, Seungcheol, with suspicious eyes.

“Does this customer makes you uncomfortable ?”

Seungcheol lifted his free hand, shaking it. “I didn't mean to-”

Hansol nodded and Seokmin was quick at glaring at the man. “I'm sorry sir, but can you please exit the bakery, you're making him feel uneasy”

Seungcheol quickly apologised. “I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to, I-I'll just go- h-have a good day too !”

Seungcheol walked out making Hansol to relax, letting a soft sigh.

“Are you feeling better ?” Asked Seokmin, kissing his head. Hansol nodded slowly. “Yeah... thank you hyung”

Seokmin smiled. “You're welcome Vernonie, call me if anything happen” Hansol smiled. “Okay”

○●○

Hansol looked at the clock, getting more worried for his hyung.

It was almost 11 pm.

He suddenly heard the door opening and Mingyu stumbling toward him.

“Mingyu hyung !” Hansol said, relieved. He quickly helped him stay still.

Mingyu stared at him, grinning like an idiot before hugging tightly Hansol.

Hansol got crushed in his hug and couldn't help but laugh. “Hyung, can't breath”

Mingyu pulled away and kept staring at Hansol. “I miss you Solie”

Hansol didn't really understand, he helped him lay on the couch, clearly smelling the alcohol but Mingyu was faster, pushing Hansol on the couch and hugging him, face pressed on Hansol's stomach.

“Hyung-”

“I miss you” Mingyu's lips met his own, Hansol melted before his kiss got more hungry, Hansol barely able to keep up, panting. “I miss you Solie, I miss you so much” he kept repeating, kissing his neck, sucking the skin, Hansol trying to push him away. “I miss this Solie”

Hansol froze at his words, finally understanding.

Mingyu kept kissing his neck, a hand on his waist. “Please Solie ? Can I ? I want you Solie”

Hansol bit his lip, not able to say a word as Mingyu kissed down his collarbone, opening Hansol's shirt, eyes filled of need. He kissed his chest and Hansol quickly felt his anxiety rising.

“D-Don't”

Mingyu stopped, looking at his chest, hand squeezing his waist. He bent over, kissing back the soft skin, hand slipping under his jean, squeezing his bare hip-

“N-No Mingyu- I said no” he took his wrist, pulling it away. Mingyu kissed back his neck, muttering with a pout. “Please Solie, please”

Hansol felt his vision blurring, freeing his tears as he shook his head. “N-No Mingyu”

Mingyu pouted more and hugged Hansol tight, face pressed against his chest. “Okay”

Hansol caressed his hair, tears never stopping from falling, looking at Mingyu who had already fallen asleep.

When Mingyu woke up, he groaned for the pounding in his head. He sat, his eyes trying to find his boyfriend before a smell hit his nose.

Pancakes ?

Mingyu stood up, going in the kitchen and finding Hansol trying to cook and looking a little overwhelmed.

Hansol flinched when he felt arms back-hugging him and kissing his head.

“Hey hyung”

Mingyu smiled. “Hey Solie”

Hansol smiled a little. “I tried to cook for you but... it's not really good” 

Mingyu noticed the burning pancakes, and three perfect ones. “You still made perfect ones” he looked back at Hansol and noticed the bags under his eyes.

He had a nightmare again ?

“Did you have a nightmare ?”

Hansol blinked and shook his head. “N-No”

Mingyu stayed suspicious, before swallowing a painkiller with a glass of water. He then took Hansol's place to cook. “You look exhausted, let me cook for you”

Hansol pouted before sitting on a chair, looking at Mingyu's back, eyes travelling, already knowing how lucky he was for Mingyu to fall in love with him.

But he only felt more guilty, remembering yesterday...

“There, for my amazing boyfriend”

Hansol snapped out and smiled when Mingyu gave him a plate full of pancakes with honey on top. “Thank you hyung”

Mingyu grinned, sitting in front of Hansol. They began eating in a comfortable silence before what Wonwoo said came back to his mind.

In fact they already tried to ask help from a psychologist but Hansol refused saying that he was fine and in a few weeks he would be better.

But he clearly wasn't.

“Hansol”

Hansol looked up from his plate, mouth full of pancakes making Mingyu to smile. “I just... you don't want to try see a psychologist ?”

Hansol stopped eating, and Mingyu knew the air was getting heavier.

Hansol sighed and looked away. “I... I don't want- I don't need to, I have you” he said in a little voice and Mingyu could see how it pained him.

“Hansolie, It's been months, you need a professional” he tried to convince him but Hansol shook his head. “I don't want to-”

He knew if he would go and see one, he had to talk about the event in details and he was trying to erase everything not remind himself of that night.

“Hyung, I really don't want to, I swear I'll do more effort-”

Mingyu quickly shook his head at his words. “No need to do more efforts ! I'm okay how we are now, I just thought it will be better for you, to talk about it”

Hansol pouted, looking away, he knew that it wasn't true, that Mingyu wasn't happy with him.

And he was way too selfish.

Mingyu said back. “It's okay if you don't want to, let's forget what I said” he smiled slowly at Hansol, not anymore hungry. 

Hansol looked down.

Wouldn't it be better if they break up ?

●○●

Mingyu sighed. He didn’t remember what he did after coming back home, completely drunk but he just hoped he wasn’t the cause of Hansol’s sleepless night.

“You okay ?”

Mingyu looked behind him, seeing Wonwoo looking at him with concern. He didn’t answer and Wonwoo sighed.

“It’s been only a week you’re here and you already look overworked.”

Mingyu pouted before shrugging. He hadn’t the heart to talk today, he just wanted to cuddle with Hansol- and he couldn’t even do that.

He let out another dramatic sigh, letting his forehead meet the keyboard, letters appearing in a row on his screen.

Wonwoo suddenly asked. “Want to go at a bar, drown your pain and talk about it ?”

Mingyu shook his head. “I already done that yesterday…”

Wonwoo perked up. “Do you want to talk or not ? My offer is still available without the alcohol”

Mingyu looked up at him before smiling.

○●○

Hansol entered in his flat a little more late than usual but having a bag filled with three cakes to apologise at his boyfriend. He unlocked the door, entering and found Mingyu jumping and looking at him.

And again the same words came from his mouth. 

“I'm glad you're back, I thought-”

That something happened to you.

“-that something happened to you ! You didn't see my calls ?”

The same words, everytime he was late of a minute or more. But he could understand it and the guilt was still growing inside him but this time he decided to do something. He thought of it for hours and now he was sure.

He would pleasure his hyung.

He let his belongings fell on the floor, startling Mingyu, before cupping his face and kissing him.

Mingyu's eyes were wide open and he quickly complied, kissing back slowly. As they pulled away, a little out of breath, he took his wrist, going toward their room and pushed Mingyu who laid on the bed, on his elbows.

He climbed on his lap, kissing when Hansol suddenly grinded against his bulge making Mingyu to groan. When he felt the hard against his ass, fear slowly crumbled into his skin.

Hansol tried to shrug it off.

His lips met Mingyu's neck, kissing and nipping his skin, creating a hickey before Mingyu changed their position, Hansol's back against the mattress and Mingyu on top of him.

“Are you sure Hansol ?”

Hansol was unsure, fear coming in his veins, heart already beating fast-

But it was for Mingyu.

“Yeah” he smiled reassuringly yet nervously.

Mingyu bit his lip. “R-Really ?”

“Hyung please, I want you, it's been too long” he said slowly, caressing Mingyu's cheek gently.

Mingyu felt like that he shouldn't, he really shouldn't... but it had been so long before they could do that, he almost forgot how it felt.

“Okay”

Hansol smiled when Mingyu brought their lips together, closing his eyes but a sudden picture came to his mind forcing him to open them. He closed them back, feeling Mingyu's hand on his waist, squeezing gently, trying to focus on the kiss.

It's Mingyu, it's Mingyu, it's Mingyu, it's Mingyu-

But when his hand was on his hip, he jerked his eyes open, breaking their kiss, Mingyu quickly understanding and pulling away.

“I-I'm sorry Hansol-”

Hansol quickly shook his head, breathing heavily, managing to smile. “No it's okay ! Let’s keep going”

Mingyu just looked at Hansol forcing himself for him.

For him and his stupid horniness.

Mingyu laid next to him, Hansol looking at him confusedly before tilting. “You want me to ride you ?”

Mingyu shook his head, hand finding Hansol's cheek, caressing and wiping the tears he was about to let go. “Let's just cuddle Hansolie”

Hansol sat quickly, shaking his head. “No, I want t-to have sex with you” he tried to sound confident but his voice betrayed him. He climbed on Mingyu, hands touching his bulge making Mingyu to take Hansol's hands away as he sat.

“Hansol, I can wait, it's okay-” 

Hansol pulled his wrists out of his grip harshly. “No ! I can fucking do it ! I can do it !” He yelled, tears spilling out of his eyes. “I can do it hyung... I can…” His voice broke into messy sobs, Mingyu hugged him tight.

“I will wait for you, Hansolie”

“Hyung”

Mingyu looked at Hansol, their hand intertwined, noticing his sudden shy behaviour.

“Yeah ?”

Hansol looked down at their hands, a pink colour appearing on his cheeks. “It’s been… it’s been a month we’re dating and…” he looked up at Mingyu. “You hadn’t kiss me yet” he muttered with a little voice.

Mingyu just stared at Hansol, finding him so beautiful under the dim light of the sun setting, the sky turning a deep orange yet golden colour behind his boyfriend making him more breathtaking with this view.

“You’re so perfect”

Hansol blushed at his words before pouting a little. “If I’m so perfect why don’t you just kiss me ?”

Mingyu obeyed, caressing his soft cheek making his boyfriend to realise how close he was, ears red. He slowly leaned, finally meeting Hansol's lips after such a time.

Hansol shyly kissed back, tightening his hold, just their lips pressed against each others, finally tasting.

When Mingyu pulled away, he could clearly see how amazing Hansol was, panting a little, feeling as if he was in a whole new world before smiling happily. He licked his lips tasting of chocolate and caramel after he ate his Twix, Hansol smiling back at him.

“I like you Hansolie”

Hansol smiled shyly. “I like you too Mingyu”

Mingyu woke up, looking at the ceiling. He felt tears running down his temples, taking a little breath.

He looked at Hansol who was sweating, face scrunched in pain, breathing fast, yet still sleeping.

He looked so distant of him, even if they were a few centimeters away.

Their life when they began dating was so easy, without any major struggles. Just them enjoying their life in high school doing some mischieves and that was it.

But now they lived together, had a job, spent more time enjoying the other one…

Until that forsaken night.

He wiped away his tears and faced Hansol, still seeing his pained expression. He began caressing his hair, holding his hand. “Everything’s fine Hansolie, everything's fine” he kept muttering, Hansol's expression softening, breathing slowing down. 

Tears kept falling silently on his pillow, just wanting to go back at that time when they didn't care of anything.

●○●

Hansol stared in front of him blankly, telling his usual “Hello, what do you want to buy ?” or “Have a good day” but without his smile.

He was too tired to do that.

He had tried taking care of his hyung’s need without any success. And Mingyu was hurt.

He knew he was hurt because of him.

Why was he so weak ? He couldn't even make his boyfriend, his lover happy.

He should try tonight too.

After all it was just sex he had with a stranger-

Hansol began breathing a little more heavily, eyes filling of tears before he suddenly sat on the floor of the bakery, knees against chest, trying to calm himself.

He couldn’t hear what the customer was asking, he just saw Seokmin taking care of her, then Soonyoung kneeled in front of him trying to talk to him.

Hansol didn't understand what he was saying, he just shook his head uncontrollably, tears crashing on his knees and floor feeling like he was-

Someone hugged him tight, rubbing his back tenderly and caressing the base of his hair.

“It’s okay, everything is fine, don't worry, just try to relax and it will finish as fast as it came”

Hansol understood who it was. It wasn't Soonyoung who was just looking at the scene with some hope that everything would be better.

It was the guy. The customer, the one who tried to talk to him on the streets.

Seungcheol slowly pulled away when Hansol had stopped shaking, cupping carefully his face and wiping away his tears.

“How are you feeling ?”

Hansol blinked a few times before quickly regaining his sense, pulling his hands away. “I-I’m fine, t-thank you”

Seungcheol gave him a small smile, giving some space at him. He stood up, Soonyoung taking Hansol in his arms and trying to calm him but Hansol's ears were only listening to him.

“Thank you for helping him” said Seokmin, bowing a little before Seungcheol shook his head. “No need to”

Seokmin quickly apologised. “I’m sorry for how I treated you last time, I thought-”

“Like I said, no need to” he smiled gummily also bowing down in return. “Call me Seungcheol”

Seungcheol… that was his name, right.

He had completely forgotten about it but he quickly stood up, looking at Seungcheol’s back exiting the bakery.

He quickly took two croissants and ran after him. “Wait !”

Seungcheol turned himself, seeing Hansol who suddenly bowed down. He handed the little bag with the croissants in. “To thank you, for helping me and my… m-my panick attack” he said, looking away.

Seungcheol grinned. “As long as you’re okay” he took the bag and walked backwards. “Thank you Vernon”

Hansol felt a little weird that someone he didn't know called him by his second name.

He waved at Hansol and continued his path, letting Hansol looking at him until he wasn't visible anymore, smiling a little.

Chapter Text

“I-I’m ready…”

Mingyu looked at Hansol, face red yet determined.

He furrowed. “About what ?”

Hansol flushed even more, looking away but Mingyu couldn't help and smile at his cuteness.

“You know about what !”

He looked so flustered.

Mingyu frowned even more. “No, I don’t”

Hansol sighed heavily, slapping Mingyu on his chest a little harshly, Mingyu moaning in pain. “Hey ! It hurts”

Hansol mumbled something under his breath that Mingyu didn't understand.

“What did you say ?”

He had no clue about what he was talking, Hansol just being a complete mess in front of him before he suddenly yelled with his ears a deep red.

“I said I’m ready to give you my virginity !”

Mingyu’s jaw dropped, eyes wide open before being this time the flustered one. Hansol crossed his arms and looked away, embarrassed about saying it aloud.

“A-Are you sure ?”

Hansol looked back at him. “It’s been two years now, so yes I’m sure”

Mingyu was blushing a deep red.

It was true he imagined it a few times, even had wet dreams about it but he never wanted to force Hansol. It was an awkward and weird topic to talk about.

He smiled a little, suddenly more closer to Hansol who almost yelp. Hansol backed off until his back touched the wall.

Mingyu easily trapped him, his whole forearm against the wall, face so close to Hansol’s.

Mingyu took Hansol's chin making him to look up at him.

He looked so adorable like that.

Hansol’s eyes darted away, clearly taken off guard by Mingyu’s confidence.

Mingyu finally kissed him, Hansol's shoulder slumping, kissing back. Mingyu’s hands found their way on Hansol's waist, going under his shirt to simply squeeze his bare waist.

Hansol pulled away before smiling at him. Mingyu smiled back, hugging him tight.

“I love you Hansol”

“I love you too Mingyu”

Mingyu sighed as he looked at the ceiling of the living room. He wiped away his fresh tears at the memory.

He remembered how was their first time. It as weird, awkward, bad, yet he loved it. And Hansol loved it too.

He would never forget that precious memory.

Never.

Mingyu sat before noticing a note on the table.

I’m sorry hyung, I think our relationship isn't that healthy for you. I’m sorry for making you cry at night, I’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend, I'm sorry for everything.

Mingyu felt his throat went dry, his heart stopping beating for a second, holding his breath, lump forming in his stomach, feeling cold sweats coming in a wave.

Is he breaking up with me ?

He quickly read the rest of the note.

I know how much you got through because of me and I decided to give you more space. I was too much of a burden and I should let you breathe.

For a week I'll be at Soonyoung’s flat.

I'll try my best to be better and you'll be proud of me. Well, I hope.

At the time you will woke up, I would have already left.

Mingyu couldn't believe his eyes.

Hansol left for a week.

A week without him.

Please, don't come find me, I want you to feel better, more relax and less anxious.

Mingyu’s eyes filled of tears.

How was he supposed to do that ?!

I love you Mingyu.

“I love you too Hansol” he whispered still not swallowing the sudden situation.

He shook his head, wiping away his tears. “But you weren’t a burden, you idiot…”

●○●

Hansol looked at his watch, feeling the time was going too slowly for his liking.

Soonyoung looked at him before sighing. “If you really want to go back, just go-”

Hansol shook his head. “No, he needs time to feel better, he's going to feel better without me as a weight-”

Soonyoung clicked his tongue. “Stop saying that, you're not a weight. You’re his boyfriend and I don't know if a week of not seeing each others will be healthy”

Hansol pouted a little. “It will, I’m sure”

Soonyoung looked at him with exasperation. “Let's go to work”

Hansol looked at him. “Yeah, okay.”

○●○

Mingyu looked at his screen, completely in his thoughts. He didn’t notice when Wonwoo came and sat across him.

“Good morning ?” he furrowed when he noticed how blank was Mingyu's expression.

“Mingyu ?”

Mingyu didn't answer, still looking in the void, thinking of how Hansol left him for a week.

How could he live without Hansol for a week ?

He sighed heavily, slumping even more on his chair.

Wonwoo stood up abruptly, slamming his hands making Mingyu to flinch at the sudden harshness.

“How are you ?” he simply asked, eyes piercing his soul, almost glaring at Mingyu.

“I…” he felt a little scared of his hyung before sighing again at the picture of Hansol coming to his mind.

“Hansol left me”

Wonwoo’s eyes widened a little at the news, before sitting on the table next to Mingyu. “What do you mean ? He broke up with you-”

Mingyu quickly shook his head, meeting his worried gaze. “No ! Of course not !” he looked back in the void. “He left me for a week…”

Wonwoo sighed in relief before saying. “You're so dramatic”

Mingyu pouted before slumping his shoulders. “I’m not”

Wonwoo walked back at his desk, sitting. “Did he go for holidays ? Or maybe for his work ?”

Mingyu didn’t answer him. His eyes locked on his phone, wanting to call his lover.

He shook his head. He had to respect Hansol's decision.

“We had some issue in our relationship, nothing about arguing or fights, it’s…” he paused, taking a big breath.

Could he really tell that to Wonwoo ? It was something personal and he was sure Hansol wouldn’t like it.

“It’s complicated”

He said after deciding to not give too much details about his life with Hansol.

Wonwoo nodded, thinking. He wondered what could it possibly be but didn't ask. “Sorry for asking”

Mingyu looked up at him with a small smile. “It's okay”

He looked meticulously at Wonwoo’s features, face in fox like, dark hair falling on his eyes, eyes piercing everything he would see just giving him a dark vibe.

That was when he noticed, he didn't know anything about him.

“And you ? You didn’t tell me about you life”

Wonwoo stopped in his work, looking up at him and pondering.

“My love life isn’t interesting, I’m single”

Mingyu let out a “Oh…” before asking again. “No past relationships ?”

Wonwoo replied. “Not really, I had a few boyfriends but it was never serious”

Mingyu nodded, thinking of everything he did with Hansol, first kiss, first date, first boyfriend, first time…

Hansol was his first.

And he just left like that, a little note and that was it.

He felt a little angry at him but he knew that Hansol needed time and he needed time too.

“Hansol was my first in everything” he said with a small smile before it disappeared. “And now he left…”

Wonwoo asked slowly, knowing that Mingyu wouldn't exaggerate if it was nothing. “Do you think he doesn't love you anymore ?”

“Of course not-” he paused, memories of him trying to cuddle with him or to kiss him came to his mind and remembering how Hansol would reject him everytime. “Of course not…”

What if he doesn't love me anymore ?

He smiled awkwardly, heart suddenly beating faster at the question.

Wonwoo smiled. “Don't worry, if you are sure, then everything will be fine”

Mingyu nodded at his words, trying to finally do his work.

●○●

Hansol wanted to run back home. His home were Mingyu was.

Hansol sighed, looking at the TV, glancing a few times at Soonyoung and Seokmin, before looking away, disgusted. The two boys had been kissing for fifteen minutes straight.

“Can you go in a room ? Please ?” he asked pleadingly, being too much for his poor eyes.

Soonyoung pulled away before pouting. “It’s our flat Hansol ! If you don’t like it, then leave” Hansol rolled his eyes before Seokmin took Soonyoung by the hand, going in their room. Soonyoung suddenly yelled. “You should turn up the volume of the TV !”

Hansol acted as if he was gagging but turned up the volume quickly after.

He looked at the TV without focusing on what was going on.

He was envious of his friends, doing that . He wanted to have some moments with his hyung but everytime he just remembered that night. He quickly shook his head before thinking back of Mingyu.

He sighed.

Why did I write a week ? I should have written three days…

He slumped on the couch, taking his phone. He turned on the screen, his lockscreen being a picture of Mingyu grinning at him making him smile a little. He looked in his contact and found his lover's number.

He smiled when he saw his nametag, Puppy .

But it quickly disappeared remembering when he found Mingyu sleeping on the couch, tears silently making their way on his cheeks, calling his name .

He felt his own eyes filled of tears and he quickly wiped them and turned off his phone.

A week is perfect for him.

○●○

Mingyu laughed loudly in the bar, nudging Wonwoo who laughed in reply.

Mingyu's expression quickly changed into a nostalgic smile as he looked up at the ceiling.

“And I can't even cuddle with my boyfriend anymore” he hit his forehead on the counter a little hard, startling Wonwoo who raised an eyebrow.

But he didn't question anything, letting Mingyu take his time.

Mingyu pouted a little. “I just want to feel him against me, I want to kiss him, I want to touch him, I want us to enjoy ourselves like before and then, that damn night came and destroyed everything in our couple”

He took a sip of his beer, Wonwoo just staring at him.

Mingyu sighed heavily. “I just wanted us to be a normal couple… I know it's my fault if Hansol had been-” he stopped for a second, the alcohol in his system letting everything flow out. “-abused that night and I feel so fucking guilty”

He felt his eyes burning with tears, wanting to let them roll but still keeping them.

Wonwoo suddenly froze at his words, finally understanding everything. “Wait, wait, wait, wait- someone abused your boyfriend ?”

Mingyu pursued his lips, nodding slowly.

Wonwoo winced, patting Mingyu’s shoulder a little roughly, his sense a little blurred with the alcohol. “I’m sorry for you, must be hard” he could only say, nothing else coming to his mind at this hour.

Mingyu gripped his beer, drinking everything in one shot, his adam’s apple bobbing at every swallows, before harshly slamming the bottle on the counter.

“And the worst is, that Hansol feels guilty for what we're getting through, he blames himself, all the time, that's why he left for a week” he sighed again. “He thinks that I need to rest”

Wonwoo pouted worriedly. “Nightmares ?”

Mingyu nodded, looking at him with glassy eyes. “I’m such a bad boyfriend”

Wonwoo shook his head. “You’re not, you’re just lost on what to do. Hansol needs your help but you keep forgetting that you also need help”

Mingyu shrugged his shoulders. “Hansol needs more help than me”

Wonwoo sighed. “Don't be so selfless. I don't think Hansol would like to hear that”

Mingyu pouted. He was already imagining Hansol’s frown and how he would scold him.

Wonwoo took him by his wrist, dragging him out of the bar after paying.

“You need some fresh air” he simply said as they struggled to walk correctly, taking a big breath.

If he went home now, he knew Hansol wouldn’t be there, waiting him. He looked at Wonwoo who was looking at the sky before asking with a shaky voice.

“Can I sleep at your home ?”

●○●

Hansol woke up with a jump, heart beating fast and cold sweats all over his body. He quickly turned on the light on his nightstand to reassure himself.

“Mingyu-” he stopped, remembering Mingyu wasn't sleeping with him.

He felt as scared as before, huddling himself close, shutting his eyes.

“Inhaled with your nose for four seconds”

1.

2.

3.

4.

“Stopped breathing for four seconds”

1.

2.

3.

4.

“Exhaled with your mouth for four seconds”

1.

2.

3.

4.

“Stopped breathing for four seconds”

1.

2.

3.

4.

“And keep doing it” said Mingyu with a low voice almost whispering as he back-hugged him.

Hansol did this several times until feeling his heartbeat racing less faster.

He opened back his eyes, feeling sweaty and stood up to go in the bathroom. He tiptoed out of his room, reaching it. He slowly closed the door and turned on the light. He looked up at his reflection, seeing how exhausted he looked, face pale, eyes bloodshot, dark rings under his eyes.

He sighed.

At least Mingyu is sleeping well.

He turned on the water, washing his face a few times before going back in his bedroom and trying to sleep.

He took his phone, looking in his pictures, most of them only being Mingyu. He smiled a little.

He knew Mingyu hadn't a lot of pictures of him, since he hated that. He was so bad at that even if Mingyu kept telling him it wasn't true.

Hansol looked in his videos, finding again Mingyu. One, where he was cooking, another where they were out in the park but his favorite was this one.

He clicked on the video, playing it.

Mingyu was doing a selfie video.

“So, I stole your phone Hansolie~” he said in a mischievous tone, before quickly looking behind him to see if he was really alone.

He looked back at the phone, doing some poses, then hearts and even a kiss.

“Solie, I’m so lucky to have you” he said, his voice suddenly more softer. “I’m so happy we met, I’m so happy you didn't reject me after a week of harassment” he smiled sheepishly.

Hansol tried not to laugh out loud, knowing Soonyoung and Seokmin were sleeping.

“I know we all have issues and I hope to cheer you up with this video” he winked at the camera.

Hansol couldn't stop smiling.

“You know, I never told you how much amazing, no wait” he seemed to think as his eyes looked at his left. He smiled after finding his word. “There isn't enough word to describe you” he said, eyes filled of love and adoration.

“Just remember that I love you more than anything Solie, you’re my whole world and without you I wouldn’t be able to live”

Hansol’s smile never faded away.

“I love you Solie” he gave a heart with his fingers and multiple kisses before ending the video.

“I love you too hyung”

He kissed his fingers then brought it at Mingyu's face on the video.

He turned off his phone, finding more easily sleepiness.

○●○

Mingyu yawned loudly, opening his eyes. He turned himself on the side before trying to sleep back. He smiled when he noticed a figure just next to him. He slowly back-hugged him before lifting an eyebrow.

Was it him or Hansol was taller ?

He closed back his eyes before muttering. “You came back more early Hansolie”

The other figure groaned making Mingyu to freeze.

He quickly pulled away, wincing for moving so fast, feeling his head pounding. That's when he noticed he was naked.

“Who are you ?! What did you do to me-”

The figure groaned again. “Don't yell it's me, Wonwoo”

Wonwoo turned himself, looking at Mingyu with his eyes half opened.

There was a blank until his eyes widened when he noticed Mingyu naked on the bed. He quickly sat, moaning in pain at his headache and the pain shooting on his hips before seeing he was also naked.

They stayed frozen for a good moment before realising everything.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no…” Mingyu couldn't stop saying it, not believing it.

Wonwoo just stayed like that before muttering. “That's why my ass hurt”

Mingyu buried his face in his hands. “What am I supposed to say to Hansol ? He's going to hate me, he'll broke up with me and he-”

Wonwoo put his hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him. “He doesn't need to know”

Mingyu looked at him. “I’m not going to lie to him”

“Well, it's not lying. If he doesn't ask you directly ‘Were you fucking with Wonwoo ?’ then you don't need to tell him”

Mingyu sighed, a sudden lump forming in his stomach.

“I-I don’t know-”

Wonwoo hopped off the bed, finding his clothes on his floor.

“It’s better if he doesn't know it, it's not like we were going to fuck again” he put his boxer, then his jeans.

Mingyu quickly looked at him. “Of course not !”

Wonwoo looked at him after wearing his shirt. “Then, it never happened and we will never talk about it”

Mingyu nodded before trying to find his clothes. Wonwoo walked out and in the kitchen to prepare a breakfast. Mingyu put his shirt and found his black ripped jeans but his boxer was missing.

He furrowed and kneeled to look under the bed, finding it. He quickly wore it with his jeans, stumbling a little.

“Mingyu ! You want to eat or you leave ?”

Mingyu's stomach suddenly gurgled making him sigh. “I'll leave”

Wonwoo yelled back a “Okay” before Mingyu took his shoes and walked out, guilt resting on his chest.

He couldn't keep up with the guilt. He felt so guilty for cheating on Hansol that it made him sick.

He wanted to vomit, to faint, to just disappear.

He was drunk and he had sex with his co-worker.

Sex…

With his co-worker…

Mingyu took his phone with shaky hands, texting to just one person.

Seungkwan.

“What do you think I should do ?” he asked nervously after telling Seungkwan everything.

Seungkwan’s mouth was half open, eyes wide, completely shocked. “And you want me to help you cover it ? What the hell I’m not going to let it pass-”

Mingyu quickly shook his head. “Of course not ! That’s why I texted you, I know that if I tell him he's going to break up with me-”

“No shit Sherlock ?” said Seungkwan sarcastically, sipping his Americano.

Mingyu sighed.

“But knowing him, he wouldn't break up with you” Seungkwan said calmly, Mingyu just staring at him, waiting the rest.

“He loves you too much. And if you tell him you had sex with someone else, he will think that he isn't enough good for you, you'll finish by hurting him more but not for the reason you thought.”

Mingyu asked. “Do you think he's going to blame himself again ?”

Seungkwan pursued his lower lip, nodding. “Yeah, because of the incident”

Mingyu sighed heavily. “That's what I’m trying to avoid-”

“He's going to feel hurt anyway”

Mingyu just stayed silent, clearly feeling the glare of Seungkwan.

“You cheated on him Mingyu. If he doesn't know it now, he'll know it later”

Mingyu pouted, chest filled of regret and guilt.

“Do you love Hansol ?”

Mingyu looked at him, eyebrows furrowed like he was insulted.

“I do”

Seungkwan stared at him for a moment. “Then be honest with him.”

Mingyu didn't say anything.

Wonwoo wanted him to keep it as a secret and Seungkwan wanted him to be honest.

What should I do ?

Chapter Text

Hansol looked up when he saw Soonyoung staring at him, while he was trying to sleep.

“What is it ?”

Soonyoung smiled, “Wake up, we have work.”

Hansol shook his head, feeling so exhausted.

He didn't sleep well after all.

But weirdly he felt more tired than usual.

“Let me sleep hyung…” he mumbled before suddenly feeling cold when Soonyoung pulled off the blanket.

“Come on Sol !” he yelled before walking out.

Hansol sighed before sitting, “Okay, fine.”

Hansol lifted himself from the bed, suddenly feeling heavy. He shrugged it off, going in the kitchen to eat.

Seokmin smiled at him, “Good morning Sol-ah !”

Hansol smiled a little. Seokmin had such a way to make him smile by just seeing him smile.

“Good morning hyung.”

They began eating in a peaceful moment, Hansol still feeling exhausted.

A shower will help me…

After eating, he quickly went in the bathroom, taking a shower and brushing his teeth.

He looked at himself, finally noticing he was panting, the floor slowly being blurred.

“Sol ! We're waiting you !”

Hansol closed his eyes for a moment, taking deep and steady breaths, “Almost finished !”

Must be nothing…

He slowly wore his clothes and walked out of the bathroom, joining his too coworkers at the entry. He smiled a little, “Sorry.”

They walked out of the flat, reaching the bakery as they chatted, Hansol being quieter than usual.

Inside the bakery, they changed themselves with their worker clothes, before going at their occupation.

Hansol was always at the cashier, as he couldn't cook proper food, waiting for customers.

Hansol was feeling exhausted. Really exhausted.

It had been a few hours that he was working, and he was really feeling sick.

He couldn't control his breaths, panting, couldn't focus properly as he barely stayed on his legs.

Just a few hours and I'll go sleep.

“Good morning Vernon !”

Hansol slowly looked up at the voice, his vision going black, his whole body hitting the floor.

●○●

Mingyu felt really awkward at first. Working with someone you had sex with but not even remembering it, was… just awkward.

But Wonwoo didn’t seem to mind, doing his job and talking to Mingyu like it never happened.

He let out a quiet sigh before activating the printer to do some photocopies. He got startled when he saw Wonwoo was behind him, waiting to use the printer.

“Still avoiding me ?”

Mingyu looked away, a little ashamed to act so childly. “I wasn’t avoiding you—”

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, clearly seeing through his lie, “No it’s okay, I understand,” he began walking away and Mingyu cursed before gripping his wrist.

Wonwoo looked at him in surprise, Mingyu let him go. “I… am sorry, I know it’s completely dumb to act like that but I… don’t know how to act after doing that.”

Wonwoo looked away, “Just be yourself, nothing will change between us.”

Mingyu bit his lower lip, “I know, I’m sorry.”

Wonwoo smiled a little, “It’s okay Mingyu, let’s just work.”

Mingyu smiled back. He wanted to thank him when he received a phone call. He looked at the ID, Soonyoung.

“Soonyoung hyung, what’s up ?”

“Mingyu, Hansol is at the hospital.”

○●○

Hansol fluttered his eyelashes, getting slowly used of the piercing light. He noticed the smell of medicine making him wonder what happened.

“You’re awake ?”

Hansol looked at his left, Seungcheol was sitting on a chair, smiling at him. He felt awkward at first before Seungcheol added.

“Do you remember me ? I’m Choi Seungcheol, a simple customer.”

Hansol nodded slowly. He wondered why was he at the hospital.

Seungcheol’s mouth formed a thin line of worry before saying, “You fainted at your work, I called an ambulance for you and I came too, to see if you were fine. I feel like we always meet in bad ways,” he let out a little chuckle before standing up, Hansol simply looking at him. “Since you’re fine, it’s time for me to leave,” he said feeling out of place.

Hansol replied, “Thank you again f-for helping me.”

Seungcheol stopped himself from leaving, looking back at Hansol.

Hansol added, “I’m really thankful and I-I don’t know how to repay you.”

Seungcheol chuckled when he noticed his red ears, “What about going at a café when you’ll feel better ?”

Hansol smiled a little, “S-Sure.”

Seungcheol slowly opened the door before saying, “My phone number is on the little post-it, take care of you Vernonie.”

Hansol blinked, looking at the blue post-it tapped on the nightstand. He smiled a little before flinching when the door was slammed open. “Hansol !”

Hansol’s eyes went wide. “Mingyu ?”

Mingyu let out a big sigh of relief, kissing Hansol’s temple. Hansol felt a warm feeling at it, Mingyu holding his hand as he sat on the chair where Seungcheol was.

“They told me you fainted, how are you feeling Solie ?”

Hansol looked away, his smile fading slowly, intensifying his thought of him burdening his lover. “Hyung, why did you come ?”

Mingyu’s smile dropped. “Wh-Why wouldn’t I come ? Are you serious Solie ? I was worried for you, that’s why,” he felt a little angry that Hansol could ask that.

“But we were supposed to not see each other for a week—”

Mingyu abruptly stood up, “You didn’t want us to see each other ! I didn’t agree for that ! You forced me !”

Hansol’s eyes went wide for the harsh words. No words came out, just listening in shock at Mingyu’s outburst.

“How could you even ask me not to come after hearing you fainted ? I care about you ! I always cared about you ! And you, you just wrote on a little post-it to not see each other. How did you think I felt ?” He truly asked, feeling exhausted. “I felt like shit Hansol ! Like fucking shit !” he yelled, feeling his voice crack.

“Do you even love me ?” he asked, a question weighing him since it came.

Hansol stayed silent, ashamed about how he treated Mingyu during this months. He knew he was a burden for his boyfriend, he just wanted him to feel better without him and he really thought it could help them and their couple.

“Tell me if you don’t love me anymore !” he cried, tears running down his face.

“Of course I love you ! You dummy !” he said in despair, crying after seeing his hyung letting out a few tears.

Mingyu just looked at Hansol, a weight lifting off his shoulders after telling him what was on his chest. He sat on the bed, holding Hansol’s hand before sobbing.

Hansol pulled on his hand, making Mingyu lay next to him. Mingyu carefully hugged Hansol, kissing his cheek before Hansol brought their lips together, “I love you hyung.”

“I love you Hansol.”

He kissed Hansol’s forehead before bringing him closer against his chest, “Promise me to wait before taking decisions now.”

Hansol closed his eyes, “I promise hyung, I’m sorry for being a weight—”

Mingyu shook his head, stopping him, “Stop blaming yourself, it was my fault too and I’m here to help you, we’re in together Solie.”

Hansol nodded slowly, burying his face in his chest.

“I-I don’t think we should enter.”

Mingyu looked toward the door, after hearing Wonwoo’s voice.

“No it’s okay, let’s enter !”

The door slowly opened, Seokmin entering in with Soonyoung pushing Wonwoo in.

Hansol looked up, not knowing who was that person.

“Hey Hansol, how are you feeling ?” asked Seokmin, sitting on the available chair.

Hansol smiled, “I’m feeling better now.”

Soonyoung smiled letting a laugh. “You’re so cute like that !”

Wonwoo awkwardly stayed up, not knowing where to look or what to do.

Mingyu coughed a little, drawing Wonwoo’s attention, “So, Hansol, it’s Wonwoo, my coworker.”

Hansol looked at Wonwoo before smiling. “Nice to meet you, I hope Mingyu isn’t too much of a mess for you.”

Mingyu let out an offended “Hey !” making all of them laugh and relaxing a little Wonwoo. “It’s okay, he isn’t that bad but still.”

Mingyu pouted, burying his face in Hansol’s fluffy hair, Hansol chuckling before he said as he looked at Wonwoo, “Please take care of him.” 

Wonwoo nodded, Mingyu feeling the guilt coming back to weigh on his heart.

●○●

The doctor had told them that Hansol needed to stay bedridden for a week. He hadn't properly rest in the last months and even told them that Hansol should go and see a psychologist.

But of course Hansol refused.

Mingyu sighed for the hundred times, not knowing what to do. He had expected Hansol to refuse but he was surprised to see the efforts he was doing.

Hansol was being more open than before. But he noticed a few times Hansol looking at him with sadness and regret.

He pursued his lips in worry before he heard Hansol yelled. “Hyung ? Can you come ?”

Mingyu opened slowly their bedroom finding a pouting Hansol.

“What is it Sol ?”

Hansol pouted more, “I’m bored.”

Mingyu wanted to kiss him and hugged him tight but Hansol had still troubled with all of that, “Do you want me to carry you in the living-room ? And we could look at the TV.”

Hansol smiled, already raising his arms, Mingyu chuckled and raised him from the bed with his blanket, Hansol putting his head in the crook of his neck, his fingers brushing the skin of his collarbone.

“I…”

Mingyu delicately put down Hansol on the couch before tilting his head, “Yeah ?”

Hansol bit his lip before saying, “C-Can you- uhm… I just… if you could…” he struggled even more, face red making Mingyu to smile fondly.

“You want me to kiss you ?”

Hansol blushed, hiding his face in embarrassment in the blanket. “I’m so pathetic…” he mumbled not even understanding why was he struggling so much to say that to his boyfriend.

Mingyu laughed and sat next to Hansol before slowly caressing the back of his hand. He slowly pulled off the blanket of his face, before caressing his cheek slowly.

Hansol slowly laid himself on the couch, Mingyu on top of him, looking at Hansol with love.

He looks so fluffy like that.

Hansol had still the blanket on him, looking at him with big eyes, so perfect.

He slowly bent down, giving hesitant kisses before Hansol gripped his collar forcing him into a real kiss.

Usually Mingyu would just give little pecks at Hansol to not trigger him but this time Hansol didn't want that.

He wanted a real one.

As they kissed, Hansol's brows began to furrow uncomfortably, his hands gripping too tightly the shirt of Mingyu, almost digging his nails in his chest.

Mingyu slowly pulled away, looking at Hansol’s defenseless face, trembling a little. He smiled sadly before sitting but Hansol quickly interject, “No wait, give me a second chance !”

“Hansol it's okay—”

This time it was Hansol on top of him, cupping his face and kissing him. Mingyu closed his eyes, the sudden kiss always welcomed before he pushed Hansol a little to break their kiss.

“Don't force yourself Sol.”

Hansol pouted before slumping on Mingyu's chest, “I-I just want you to feel loved.”

Mingyu smiled, “And I feel loved.”

Hansol raised his head, looking at him with puppy eyes before kissing one more time. Mingyu kissed back and before he could register, he was sitting with Hansol on his lap, kissing his neck making Hansol whimper at the contact.

But Hansol wasn't rejecting him.

He got a little more needy, kissing his shoulder after pulling down his wide collar, Hansol hugging him before Mingyu stopped.

“I forgot you needed to rest.”

Hansol laughed before kissing his shoulder, “Yeah, right.”

They cuddled in front of the TV, looking at a show until Hansol asked for a horror movie.

“And what do you want to look at ?” asked Mingyu as he looked at the pile of DVDs they had.

Hansol smiled. “What about ‘Anabelle’ ?”

Mingyu looked at Hansol before warm memories filled his mind.

It was their first date.

Mingyu looked at the clock, patiently waiting Hansol in front of the cinema. After almost harassing the poor boy an entire week to try having one date with him, he wouldn’t be shocked that Hansol decided not to come.

He let out a defeated sigh knowing the movie would begin in five minutes.

“Why are you sighing ? The movie hadn’t begin yet.”

Mingyu turned himself, staring at a grinning Hansol before smiling, “You came.”

Hansol stared at him before smiling more, “Of course, you harassed me for a week, I should at least give you a chance.”

Mingyu flushed before looking away, “You never give chances to anybody.”

Hansol looked taken off guard for a second before saying, cheeks pink, “Nobody ever try so hard to have a simple date with me.”

Mingyu was still blushing after Hansol said it before gathering his courage and taking his hand and walking toward the cinema.

He looked at a flushing Hansol before asking, “What movie do you want to see ?”

“Uh… ‘Anabelle’ ? If it’s okay for you,” he said innocently, looking at him with his chocolate eyes.

Mingyu scoffed. “Of course it’s okay, I’m not scared.”

They went in, taking place on middle seat to have a better view of the screen.

“Your hand is cold,” he said to break the awkward silence.

Hansol nodded. “Yeah, always cold.”

Mingyu took the opportunity to take back Hansol’s hands, rubbing gently his knuckles. He flushed at his own bold action before saying, “Mine are always warm.”

Hansol blushed looking down at their hands, “T-Thanks hyung.”

The lights suddenly turned off, before the movie began.

Mingyu pouted as Hansol tried his best at keeping his laughter before the sudden music of the movie made him took Hansol by his arm a little too tightly, yelping, but only making Hansol laugh out loud. He focused on the scene that was happening before feeling Hansol held his hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you could be scared,” Hansol murmured to his ear, making Mingyu to flush at their proximity, Hansol’s breaths hitting his ear.

Mingyu relaxed a bit before smiling, “I don’t mind if I hear you laughing.”  

Hansol flushed, Mingyu quickly understanding what he just said, flushing too and releasing Hansol’s arm. “Sorry, I-I mean it’s true that you have a cute laugh, I mean— I just wanted—”

“Okay, okay, I understand, no need to say more,” Hansol said as he buried his face in his hands.

Mingyu smiled.

After the movie finished, Mingyu accompanied Hansol to his house since it was late. And he kind of wanted to spend more time with him.

“And here’s my house,” Hansol said turning to look at Mingyu.

Mingyu nodded feeling a little sad that it was already over.

He knew that Hansol would reject him after humiliating himself like that. He sighed.

Maybe they would stop talking and he would just ignore him or—

“Hey, Mingyu hyung,” Hansol called as he waved his hand in front of Mingyu’s face.

Mingyu blinked. “Ah… uhm, yes ?”

Hansol smiled a little. “I… uhm… thank you for today, it was really funny.”

Mingyu pouted a little before smiling, “Yeah, I’m happy you enjoyed it.”

Hansol looked at his house before focusing back on Mingyu. He took a deep breath before coming closer of Mingyu, startling this latter.

“Vernon ? Are you okay—”

Hansol gripped gently his collar before kissing his cheek. He looked at Mingyu who was shocked, eyes wide open, jaw hanging before Hansol said faintly.

“Call me Hansol.”

Mingyu smiled, “Okay but don’t laugh at me.”

Hansol grinned, “I’ll try hyung.”

○●○

After a week Hansol was still tensing up when it was too touchy-feely. But he tried his best at keeping his composure.

Hansol sighed, suddenly feeling hands on his shoulders making him roughly turned himself slapping the man across his face harshly.

Hansol panted, looking at Mingyu slowly brushing his red cheek before smiling at Hansol. “Are you okay ? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you—”

Hansol’s face scrunched up, letting himself fall on his knees, hiding his face in his hands.

I don’t deserve you.

“I-I’m so sorry hyung— I don’t know why I did that— I’m so sorry—” Hansol cried out.

Mingyu kneeled in front of him, gently taking his hands and kissing them. “It’s fine Solie, I don’t mind being slapped if it’s you,” he grinned when he met Hansol’s puffy eyes.

“I’m sorry…” He said weakly.

Mingyu bit his lip before slowly taking Hansol in his arms, embracing him in a warm hug. He slowly stroked Hansol’s hair. “It’s fine, you’re fine.”

Hansol closed his eyes at the feeling of security, crying quietly.

It was then Hansol decided to do everything possible to find back his normal life.

Chapter Text

“M-Mingyu—” Hansol was slowly pushed on the bed with Mingyu hovering him.

Mingyu grinned and captured his lips into a kiss. “So pretty, my Solie.”

Hansol flushed looking away but he jerked his eyes at Mingyu who had lifted his shirt and was staring at his abdomen. Hansol felt his shyness winning over, using his hands to pull down his shirt if only Mingyu didn't pin his wrists above his head.

“Mingyu,” he whined softly, pouting a little at the excessive attention Mingyu was giving him.

Mingyu smiled. He bent over and kissed him again not deepening it and trailed kisses on his jaw then neck, “So beautiful.”

He kissed his chest a few times, Hansol whimpering at the contact before he looked away, frowning a little. “T-That's not fair, you still have your shirt.”

Mingyu wanted to say that Hansol still had his shirt too but found himself wanting to pleasure his boyfriend's gaze.

He released his wrists, sitting on his knees and tugging his shirt over his head before throwing it somewhere in their dorm room.

Hansol's mouth was half open as he saw Mingyu's muscular chest and abdomen, his eyes couldn't stop staring at the abs feeling it unreal.

Mingyu felt self-conscious before smiling a little shyly. “Enjoying the view ?”

Hansol blushed for being caught, pouting even more. “Since when were you working out ?” Their first time was with him way too shy, eyes closed with only their lamp on the nightstand softly lightening the moment. He clearly didn’t notice it at the moment.

Mingyu bent down kissing Hansol's cheek before taking one of his hand and pressing his palm on his abs making Hansol to bite his lower lip a little. “Since beginning of high school,” and then he leaned more, “I wanted to impress you.”

Hansol finally detached his gaze of his abs, staring in his eyes before smiling a little. “Cute.”

Mingyu flushed, his character breaking under his words earning a little laugh from Hansol.

He pouted before attacking Hansol's neck making him gasp. Hansol's hands tangled in Mingyu's hair feeling too much pleasure.

Hansol had his thighs around Mingyu's waist, letting a sudden moan when he felt Mingyu's mouth working on his nipple.

It was only their second time and yet Mingyu was more skillful. “M-Mingyu— what are you doing—”

Mingyu grinned, happy to make Hansol call him with that voice. He pinched the other nipple, “You know I learned it from a porn. They say it's a good stimulation.”

Hansol rolled his eyes before letting another breathy moan. “You're such a pervert hyung— ah...”

Mingyu pulled away looking at Hansol with need, “Come on, I know you look at porn too.”

Hansol shook his head, panting a little. “Never in my entire life.”

Mingyu raised an eyebrow in a challenging way, before he suddenly ground on his crotch. Hansol let out a louder moan at the move, frowning his eyebrows annoyingly before Mingyu repeated the action again and again, looking at Hansol trying to keep his moans, slowly changing into a mess.

“Tell me the true Solie, you can't be that pure.”

Hansol shook his head and Mingyu kissed his chest nipping the skin and creating hickeys wherever his lips pass by. “Or maybe you read a certain type of novels.”

“N-No at all,” Hansol managed to say feeling himself way too hard for his liking, warm lips almost train at pleasuring him.

“Hentaï then ?”

Hansol bit his lip and moaned again before finally saying. “I-I only think of you.”

Mingyu paused his actions, lifting his head and staring at Hansol's eyes filled of tears.

Mingyu smiled and kissed him, Hansol closing his eyes, he gasped when he felt teeth gently biting his lower lip, letting his mouth opening, Mingyu slipping his tongue in.

They pulled away breathless looking at Hansol's red and swollen lips and Mingyu couldn't stop thinking that he was so perfect like this.

“I love you so much Hansol.”

Hansol smiled, the smile he reserved only at him, his boyfriend.

“I love you too Mingyu.”

Hansol woke up, feeling the warmth of Mingyu.

“Hey Solie.”

Hansol looked up at him, not feeling the usual anxiety that would come at that time.

He just felt in security.

“Hey hyung.”

Hansol smiled and buried his face deeper in the crook of his neck, smelling Mingyu’s scent and making him sigh in relief.

He’s not like them.

“You slept well, you didn’t have any nightmares,” said Mingyu, happy that Hansol managed to sleep this time.

“That’s good, it means you also slept well.”

Mingyu hummed, staring at Hansol and caressed his cheek. Hansol looked at him again. “I’m glad,” he managed to say, his urge of kissing Hansol being stronger but handling himself.

Mingyu was the first at breaking their eye contact, Hansol’s gaze faltered. He sat at the edge, feet meeting the cold floor, yawning, looking at the clock. “I’m gonna prepare myself, you can sleep since you’re not gonna—” he got startled when Hansol back-hugged him. “—Solie ?”

Hansol didn’t answer, he just tightened his hug.

Mingyu stayed frozen afraid of doing something bad before he felt Hansol released his hug. Mingyu turned himself looking at him but his expression was unreadable. Hansol smiled.

“S-Sorry, I just wanted to… to hug you.”

Mingyu smiled. He wanted to hug back Hansol when this latter moved away of him, laying on their bed. He pouted but understood, standing up and going in the bathroom.

Hansol sighed shakily.

Why am I like that ?

He sighed more loudly before taking his phone. He kind of wanted to take some fresh air but with someone.

But who ?

Seungkwan was busy, Jeonghan, Seokmin and Soonyoung were working—

He suddenly stopped on a new contact he had.

Seungcheol.

Hansol remembered when he asked to meet for a coffee.

He felt weirdly nervous as he typed his message.

To Seungcheol :

At 08:12 am.

Hi, it’s Vernon. I know it’s sudden but is your proposition still available ?

Hansol let out a sigh as he got up and prepared himself after hearing Mingyu going out of the bathroom with a simple towel around his waist. He was using another towel to dry his hair, Hansol looking away, a bit flustered.

“W-Why don’t you change in the bathroom ?”

Mingyu looked at Hansol who was staring at the floor with red ears. He smiled. “Yeah, right, sorry.”

But Mingyu stayed and Hansol looked up at him seeing his smirk. “But don’t you like the view ?” he asked teasingly.

Hansol’s face got redder standing up and pushing Mingyu on his chest into the bathroom making him chuckle. “Sorry Solie !”

And Mingyu took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Hansol silently.

Hansol flushed, Mingyu's body still wet after showering. “Hyung you're all wet, let me go—” he cut himself.

His face was pressed against his chest, feeling Mingyu's heart beating fast.

Hansol bit his lip.

Mingyu took a breath of Hansol's fluffy hair letting a content sigh before kissing the top of his head.

He pulled away smiling at Hansol. “Sorry.”

Hansol sighed, taking clothes to throw them at Mingyu’s face who whined in return.

He looked away, gaze dull.

You still love me.

He looked at his phone after hearing it vibrate, seeing Seungcheol had texted him.

Hansol unlocked his phone before clicking on the message.

From Seungcheol :

At 08:21 am.

Hi Vernon ! I’m free, when and where do you want to eat ?

Hansol pondered before smiling.

To Seungcheol :

At 08:22 am.  

I guess at 9 am ? And for the place, surprise me

From Seungcheol :

At 08:22 am.

Okay, be ready for the place, I think you’re going to like it a lot. See you soon~

Hansol smiled a little, quickly typing his answer.

To Seungcheol :

At 08:23 am.

Thank you and I hope I’ll like it too

Hansol looked up at Mingyu who kissed his forehead. “I’m leaving Solie.”

Hansol nodded, “Be careful,” looking at Mingyu walking out of the flat answering by a “Always !” and closing the door.

Hansol got up to get ready.

Hansol looked everywhere, waiting Seungcheol at the subway a little nervous.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, quickly pushing it away, staring at the one who touched him. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw it was Seungcheol who had his eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey…” said Seungcheol awkwardly after being pushed like that.

Hansol was quick at noticing the ambiance, apologizing, and bowing down. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hit you l-like that.”

Seungcheol smiled, rubbing his nape, “Don’t apologize it was my fault, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Hansol smiled a little. “It’s okay don’t worry, I just don’t like people touching me out of nowhere…”

Seungcheol nodded before gesturing at Hansol to enter the subway.

They were awkward in the beginning, trying to ask questions to fill the silence, until they walked out, Seungcheol guiding him to a little café. He looked up at the sign.

Healing.

Hansol's face was hit with a warm smell, people chatting quietly making him smile.

And cats.

Cats were everywhere, sleeping, being pet by customers as they drank their coffees.

Hansol's eyes sparkled, a smile making its way on his face.

It was a Cat Café.

“I'm not disappointed at all,” he said as he crouched and caressed the head of a cat with black fur and yellow eyes. It mewled and rubbed its head against Hansol's knee.

Seungcheol smiled. “I'm glad, I thought you were a dog person.”

Hansol smiled. “My cousin had a cat. Dodam. He was always trying to cuddle with us.”

“Seungcheol hyung !”

Hansol looked at Seungcheol's smile grew wider before he ruffled the other boy's hair.

Seungcheol looked at Hansol. “Hansol, this is Chan, he's working with me here.”

Chan bowed down, Hansol quickly doing the same, sharing greetings.

Hansol raised an eyebrow. “You're working here ?”

Seungcheol nodded sheepishly, taking the cat from Chan's arms. “I'm the owner.”

He gestured at Hansol a seat, pulling the chair for him, Hansol shyly thanking him.

Seungcheol looked at Chan. “Can you bring us two coffees,” he looked at Hansol seeing him play with a cat, caressing its fur gently. “One black and one with…” he trailed off looking at Hansol.

“Two sugar,” he smiled as he kept petting the cat.

Chan nodded, walking away to make their coffees.

Seungcheol looked back at Hansol, before asking, “So, why did you  want to suddenly meet ?”

Hansol looked up at him, taken a little off guard, he looked back at the cat, “I just… wanted to, to change my mind.”

Seungcheol didn’t ask any more questions, feeling it was a difficult topic. Instead he smiled when he saw another cat rubbing its head against Hansol’s hand while the black one slept on his lap.

“Cats really likes you,” he said with a chuckle.

Hansol smiled, “Yeah, I guess,” he looked up to see Seungcheol smiling softly at him. His ears flushed from the attention. He looked back at the cat before stuttering a few words.

“An-And you, do you have any pet at home ?”

Seungcheol shook his head, “I’m already taking care of too many cats here,” he chuckled, “it’s hard to find those hiding behind the TV or in the couch.”

Hansol laughed, “I don’t even know how they can go in,” he looked up at Chan giving them their coffees, nodding his head as a thank you.

Seungcheol took a sip before yelping, hand in front of his mouth. Hansol giggled, “Did you burn your tongue ?”

Seungcheol pouted, nodding his head in embarrassment.

Hansol blew on his coffee before taking a sip that warmed his inside. He looked by the window and felt a little better here. The place was filled with a soft song and it had the power to calm him.

“You did an amazing job,” he said, while looking at the few children petting the cats, “it’s a great place.”

Seungcheol rubbed his nape of neck a little embarrassed with so much compliments, “Thank you, it’s something I’m really proud of,” he looked at one little girl scared of the cats while her father helped her to pet one of them, “I made this place for those who needed a moment of healing.” He looked back at Hansol, “So, I hope it will help you too.”

Hansol stared at him for a moment, a glint of sadness shining in his eyes, “I hope too.”

Seungcheol hummed, taking another sip. “And for you, are you working full time at the bakery ?”

Hansol nodded with a smile, “Yeah, but I only take the commands and I stay at the reception.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You don’t do the cakes or the breads or… ?”

Hansol shook his head, “I’m a disaster in the kitchen,” he chuckled, Seungcheol snorting.

“You’re not the only one,” he replied laughing.

Hansol laughed, “What the worst thing you tried cooking ?”

Seungcheol smiled, holding back a giggle, “You’re going to think I’m really horrible if I tell you.”

Hansol smiled brightly, “I’m ready for anything.”

†††

Mingyu let out a tired sigh looking at the clock. It was almost noon and he still didn’t finish his report.

Wonwoo looked up at him, “Wanna grab lunch ?”

Mingyu nodded, standing up happily. “Let’s go !”

Wonwoo laughed, “Well that was a fast recovery.”

Mingyu smiled sheepishly before they walked out of the company.

“So, how’s going with your boyfriend ?”

Mingyu’s smile got littler, “It’s alright, he’s feeling a little better. But…” he pouted a little, “I think he’s hiding how he really feels.”

“And you ?” he asked.

Mingyu looked at him, “Me ?”

“Yeah, are you hiding your feelings to Hansol ?”

Mingyu didn’t expect him to ask this.

Was he hiding ? Not really, he was just trying to make it easier for Hansol at healing. He didn’t need to know how he was doing, knowing Hansol could feel easily burdened.

“Not really ?” he finished as a question, “I just, we talked about it before, about us talking out what we feels when needed,” he looked at the cars passing, “but I don’t want him to know things that could make him anxious.”

“Then, you did hide your feelings,” he sighed as if he was tired about him. “you’re making it harder for the both of you. Hiding is never a solution, you’re not in a one-sided relationship.” Mingyu locked his gaze, “You need to talk too to be on the same wavelength.”

Mingyu jutted his lips. “I don’t know… it’s hard.” His eyes shone as if he were about to cry.

Wonwoo smiled sympathetically, “Talk to him about your feelings.” Earning a tiny nod from him.

Wonwoo looked up, “Finally.”

Mingyu followed his gaze, “Healing ?”

Wonwoo nodded, “It’s a café with cats,” Mingyu swore he saw his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“You love cats, don’t you ?” he grinned.

Wonwoo smiled, “Yeah, how could I not ? They’re so adorable.”

Mingyu laughed looking at the shop before freezing.

He could see Hansol smiling and laughing with someone.

Wonwoo stopped in his track when he noticed him staring in shock. He followed his gaze to find Hansol laughing with his friend, Seungcheol.

Hansol… is laughing ? With whom ?

It was already difficult for him to make Hansol smile, but that person managed so easily.

It was an uneasy yet relieved sight.

On one side, Hansol looked happy laughing, on the other side, he wasn’t the one provoking such happiness to his boyfriend.

He entered to shop, going straight towards his boyfriend and when their gaze met he could only find an even bigger smile and eyes filled of surprised and joy instead of the uneasy and fearful gaze he thought.

Why did I even get worried ?

“Mingyu hyung !”

Seungcheol blinked, looking behind him to find Wonwoo with a tall guy.

Mingyu smiled and he got startled when Hansol tugged at his sleeve to sit next to him.

“Seungcheol hyung,” he called the man with doe eyes and Mingyu gave a quick bow, Seungcheol doing the same, “this is Mingyu hyung, my boyfriend,”

Seungcheol froze, “You— your boyfriend ?”

Hansol nodded with a grin, he looked back at Mingyu, “and this is Seungcheol hyung, he was the one helping me when I fainted.”

Mingyu hummed in understanding but he could clearly see the disappointment in Seungcheol’s gaze. “Nice to meet you Seungcheol-sshi.”

“N-Nice to meet you too Mingyu-sshi,” he said with an awkward smile. He clearly didn’t expect Hansol to already have a boyfriend.

He wanted to slap himself for not thinking of that possibility.

I’m an idiot.

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of Hansol that time, thank you,” he said with a light bow, Seungcheol quickly shaking his hands in the air in defense.

“You don’t have to, I just happened to be there at that moment,” he grinned.

“Mind if I sit ?”

Seungcheol looked up at Wonwoo who was crossing his arms, quickly pushing himself on the other side to let him some place. “Sorry Wonwoo-ah.”

Hansol smiled when he saw Wonwoo, “Hi Wonwoo hyung !”

Wonwoo smiled, “Hey Vernon, do you feel better since last time we met ?”

Hansol nodded, “Yeah, don’t worry for me. I should still be bedridden, but I wanted to take some fresh air and thank Seungcheol hyung too.”

Seungcheol and Mingyu were glancing at each other, not focusing on what the conversation was about. It was awkward to say the least.

“Hyung ? Are you even listening ?” Hansol pouted as he poked his cheek to earn a reaction.

Mingyu snapped out, smiling apologetically, “Yeah, sorry. What were you saying ?”

“That we should all go eat together.”

Mingyu and Seungcheol blinked before Wonwoo added. “We could know each other better like that,” Hansol nodding with a bright smile.

“Uhm, sure,” Mingyu answered before glancing at Seungcheol.

Seungcheol gulped nervously, “I don’t really know… I don’t think I can—”

Wonwoo pushed him a little as if to change his mind, “Come on, I know when you’re free and it will be fun.”

Seungcheol pouted a little, Hansol looking a little too excited for Mingyu’s taste. “Okay, fine, I’ll come.”

Hansol smiled gummily, “Perfect ! And I already have your number, we can do a chat then !”

Mingyu looked at him with confusion, “You already have ?”

Hansol nodded, not taking the worried tone of Mingyu. “Let’s start eating then !”

Mingyu could already feel the anxiousness in his mind building too much theory about Hansol and that Seungcheol guy.

But how could he act jealous when he was the one who cheated ?