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The final bell rang and the class was filled with the sounds of students shuffling papers and shoveling their books away. I closed my notebook and slipped it into my bag as my classmates started filing out of the room. “Y/N, would you mind hanging back?” Mr. Karols asked. As usual with the end of the day, the class was empty within minutes, and I walked up to Mr. Karols desk.
“What is it?” I asked. He gestured to the chair at the side of the desk and I sat down. I tried to tell myself to keep calm until I heard what he had to say, but anxiety still bubbled up in my stomach. “Is something wrong?”
Mr. Karols shook his head. “Not at all,” he said. He shuffled some papers on his desk and sighed. “I have a favour I’d like to ask.”
My brow furrowed. “A favour?” That wasn’t something I was accustomed to being asked by my teachers.
“Yes,” he said. “I’d like you to tutor one of my students.”
“Oh…”
“I have a student in my other English class,” he said. “He’s in danger of not graduating if he doesn’t do well on the final exam next Friday.” He clasped his hands together and leaned forward. “Listen, y/n, this is a request, not a demand,” he said. “You’re my best student, and I think you could be a lot of help to him. And you’d get extra credit for your time, of course. Just think about it, alright?” I nodded and pushed my chair back. “Let me know what you decide.” I grabbed my bag and scurried out of the room.
I did think about it after I left. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t have any experience with tutoring. Frankly, I didn’t think I’d be very good at it. I did well enough in school, but understanding the material and being able to teach it are two different things. I could barely get through presentations- the thought of having someone listening to me, relying on me to give them the right information was terrifying. And it wasn’t like I needed to extra credit. I was on track to graduate with a 4.0.
“But he isn’t.” I looked up from my dinner and focused on my mom across the table.
“What?” I asked.
“This other student.” She took a bite of her potatoes. “Mr. Korals said he might not graduate.”
I pushed my food around my plate with my fork. “Well… yeah.”
“How much would this really take on your part?” she asked. “An hour after school? A few hours on the weekend?”
I shrugged. “Mr. Korals didn’t really give me a schedule,” I said.
“No, but he did tell you he thought you could help this boy out,” she said. “He thinks you can make a difference for him. What’s the harm in trying?”
I sighed. “I’ve never tutored anyone before,” I said. “What if I’m terrible at it?”
She laughed. “Don’t you remember having to re-teach me everything when I tried to help you with your homework?” she asked. “Y/N, you’ll be a fine tutor.”
“But-”
“What’s the worst case scenario?” she asked. “He doesn’t get his grades up, and he’s in the same position he’s in now. It’s not like you can make this worse for him.” I set my fork down on my plate and leaned back in my chair. “Why don’t you just give it a try? If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but there’s no harm in meeting him and seeing if you can do anything for him.”
“I guess you’re right,” I mumbled.
“I usually am, sweetheart,” she replied with a grin.
I went in early the next day to catch Mr. Korals before classes started. He was sitting behind his desk when I knocked quietly on the doorframe. He looked up from the papers he was writing on and smiled. “Come on in,” he said, waving me forward. I walked into the classroom and stood about three feet from the desk.
“I’ll do it,” I said. “The tutoring- I’ll tutor him.”
Mr. Korals beamed. “Excellent,” he said. “Thank you, Y/N, really.”
“So, uh, what do I need to know?”
Mr. Korals pushed his chair back and stood up. He walked around his desk to lean against the front. “His name is Merriell Shelton,” he said. “He’s a bright kid, but he’s missed a lot of assignments.” He folded his arms over his chest. “He’s going to need a 93 or higher on the final exam if he wants to pass the class.” My eyebrows flew up at the number. 93% was ambitious, even for good students. Give anybody that goal and it was bound to freak them out. I wouldn’t be surprised if Merriell had already given up on the final.
“And he wants a tutor?” I asked. If he asked for help, at least he was willing to put in the effort, but the way Mr. Korals sighed didn’t give me a lot of hope that that was the case. “He didn’t ask you for one?”
“I brought it up with him,” he said.
“What did he say?” I asked.
“He gave me some excuses,” he said. “But you being a student would address the issues he had.”
I chewed on the inside of my lip. Tutoring someone seemed like a daunting enough challenge on its own, but tutoring someone who didn’t want to be tutored? That was a whole other beast.
“I have him in my class before lunch,” he said. “I’ll chat with him, and you can come by and meet him.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
After the lunch bell rang, I gave Mr. Korals a good ten minutes to talk to Merriell, but the door was still closed when I arrived. I hovered outside, unsure of whether or not I was supposed to knock or just wait for someone to open the door. I spent about five minutes going back and forth in my mind before I worked up the nerve to lightly tap the door with my knuckles.
“Come on in, Y/N,” Mr. Korals called through the door.
I eased the door open and slipped through the gap. “Hi,” I said. My eyes fell on the boy standing across from Mr. Korals’ desk. I’d seen him in the halls before, but only in passing. I don’t think he’s been in any of my classes. I would have offered to shake his hand, but the way his arms were crossed and his shoulders were hunched made me think he would probably leave me with my hand outstretched.
Mr. Korals stood between us. “Y/N, this is Merriell. Merriell, this is Y/N,” he said. “She’s one of my best students and she’s graciously offered to help you out.” His strained smile did nothing to relieve the thick tension in the room. I didn’t know what had been said before I came in, but I was willing to bet it wasn’t anything Merriell wanted to hear. Mr. Korals clapped Merriell on the shoulder, but the younger man jerked away from his touch. “I’ll let you two sort out the details,” he said. “Let me know if you need help finding a study space or anything like that.” He strolled passed me, offering a whispered “good luck” as he did. Every alarm bell was ringing in my head, but I couldn’t just beg him to stay right in front of Merriell. That wasn’t going to help me with getting him to listen to what I had to say.
The door clicked as Mr. Korals closed it behind him, and Merriell and I were left in silence. It was pretty clear Merriell wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move, so I took a breath and crossed the room. “Hi,” I said. “I’m Y/N.”
Merriell leaned against one of the desks. “Yeah, I got that,” he drawled. The accent caught me off guard, but I smoothed the surprise over. I didn’t want him to make him uncomfortable.
“Uh, so we should get a schedule together,” I said. I clasped my hands together in front of my body to keep myself with fidgeting with them too much. “Are you available after school?”
“No.”
“Okay… Just today or, uh, what about the rest of the week?”
“No.”
“Weekends, then?”
“No.”
I let out a sigh and did my best not to let it sound too frustrated. “Look, I know this must all be kind of overwhelming-”
Merriell laughed. “Oh, you gon’ empathize with me, huh? Try ta connect with me?”
I felt my cheeks heating up. “That’s not- I’m just-” I huffed and Merriell shook his head. “I’m just trying to help you.”
“I didn’t ask for your help,” he snapped.
I took a step back and clenched my jaw. “You don’t have to be like this.”
“And what am I being like?” he asked. He pushed himself off of the desk and turned towards me.
“Like- Just… belligerent and mean,” I said. “I’m just offering to help you get your grades up, and you won’t even let me try to find a time to study with you.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. I wasn’t the type of person to get short with people- I never snapped like that, and I certainly wasn’t used to dealing with people as angry as Merriell seemed to be right now.
“You think I’m just being difficult, hm?” The volume of his voice had lowered, but somehow that made it even worse.
“Well, I-”
“I work three jobs,” he said. “I don’t get home ‘till ten most days, and I work on the weekends too. I don’t have time for this shit.” I flinched when he dropped his arms, but all he did was walk around me and head for the door. “Wouldn’t make a fuckin’ difference anyway,” he muttered. I jumped when he slammed the door, and lowered myself into the nearest chair. I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my head in my hands. Two minutes, and I’d managed to insult him and make a complete ass out of myself. That had to be some kind of record, didn’t it. I didn’t stay in the classroom long. I didn’t want to be there when Mr. Korals came back. I wasn’t looking forward to telling him how badly my conversation with Merriell went. I fiddled with the strap on my bag as I walked down the hall. Students were gathered in clumps, eating lunch by their lockers. One of the few people standing alone caught my eye: Merriell, shoving books in what I assumed was his locker. I chewed my lip, but forced myself to weave my way through the locker bay before I could talk myself out of it. I marched up to Merriell, hoping I looked more confident than I felt, and tapped him on the shoulder.
“The hell you want now?” he asked.
“The same thing I wanted before,” I said. “To tutor you.”
He sighed. “If I didn’t have time to do the goddamn assignments, I sure as hell don’t have time to meet up with some…” He cut himself off before he could finish the thought. “I told ya, I don’t have time.”
“No,” I said. “You told me you don’t have time after school or on the weekends.” Granted, to most people that would mean he didn’t have time, but I wasn’t ready to give up that easily.
He scoffed. “Cuttin’ class to study doesn’t seem like the best plan ta me,” he said.
“When don’t have to do it during class,” I said. “Now. At lunch.” I had to resist the urge to tell him to curb his enthusiasm when he rolled his eyes. “Forty-five minutes five days a week is better than nothing,” I said.
“Why the hell do you care about this?” he asked.
That was a fair question, but it wasn’t one I had an answer to. “I just do,” I said. “And you can act tough all you want- I know you do too. So let me help.”
Merriell stared at me far too long for comfort. The only answer he gave me was a nod so small I barely saw it.
“Great,” I said. “I’ll meet you here tomorrow and we can find someplace to work.” I spun on my heels and walked away before he had the chance to change his mind.
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Mr. Korals offered his classroom for Merriell and I to use. It was a bit big for my liking- I preferred to study in smaller spaces. Less distractions. But the classroom was fine. At least it was a place Merriell would be used to studying in. It was always best to have a dedicated space for learning. At least, it was in my experience. It helped you prime your mind for it without really having to do anything. I met Merriell at his locker, as promised. Honestly, I was half expecting him to blow me off completely, but he was there, leaning against his locker and waiting. When he saw he approaching, he grabbed his books off the top of the locker and met me halfway. “Where we goin?” he asked.
“Mr. Korals’ room,” I said. I glanced down at his hands. “You got everything?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s just get this ova’ with.”
He walked passed me and I followed him down the hall. I must have walked down this hall a hundred times this semester alone, but this was the first time I wasn’t the one responsible for avoiding collisions. I didn’t have to maneuver my way around everybody- they moved for us.
The classroom was abandoned, as Mr. Korals had promised it would be. I set my bag on the desk in the corner and pushed another desk over to it. As I sat down, Merriell tossed his books down and pulled up a chair next to me. I opened my bag and pulled out the sample exams I’d gotten from Mr. Korals that morning.
“These are from the last three years,” I said. “So they’ll be a pretty good template.” I shuffled through them to find the most recent one. “Mr. Korals said he gave you some of your assignments back yesterday for me to take a look at?” Merriell flipped open his notebook and pulled out a few loose papers. I plucked them from between his fingers and brought them over to my side of the desk. “If you want to eat your lunch while I look through these,” I suggested.
“Don’t have one,” he said. He leaned back in his chair and dropped his hands to his lap.
I looked over to him. “Did you have breakfast?”
He frowned. “What’s it matta?” he asked. I decided the debate wouldn’t be worth it in the end I reached into my bag and fished around until my hand closed around something round and cool. I pulled the apple out and put it in front of Merriell. “I’m not hungry,” he said.
“Studying on an empty stomach is pointless,” I said. “You need energy if you’re going to retain any of this.”
“Fine, fine,” he mumbled as he picked the apple up. I kept my eyes on him until I saw him actually bite into the apple. His chewing served as a soundtrack to my reading. I just scanned the papers- I didn’t want to spend the entire session on them instead of Merriell.
“These are good,” I said.
“Try not ta sound so surprised,” he muttered.
“No, I didn’t mean…” I wasn’t sure how to end that sentence, mostly because that was what I meant. If this was the quality of work he was putting out, he must have missed nearly every assignment to get him in this position. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I could do for him. Clearly he understood the subject matter. “Um… So, what do you think you struggle with the most?” I asked.
He let out a low hum while he thought. “I dunno,” he said. “I can’t always finish in time.”
I flipped through the assignments until I saw the word “test” written on the top of the page. I skimmed the writing. The first two pages were excellent, but the third was a little sloppy, and the fourth was barely touched. “Well time management isn’t super complicated,” I said. “I can definitely help you out with that.” I counted out the number of questions on the test. “Okay, so in a standard hour and a half block, you’d be able to dedicate two minutes to each multiple choice, five to each short answer, and a half hour for the essay question.” I flipped through the pages to show him the questions while I was talking. “The easiest thing to do is read the essay question first, then work through the ones you can answer quickly, then the essay, and circle back to any questions you struggled with at the end.” I didn’t know if that was actually the best way to take a test, but it was the method I always used. “Don’t let yourself get stuck on questions for too long.”
“I don’t get stuck,” he said. “I just wanna answer them right.”
I looked back down at the test and saw the telltale eraser marks. Ah, there it was. “You’re second guessing yourself,” I said. “You can’t let yourself do that.”
“That’s easy for you ta say,” he said. “You’re smart. Smart people don’t have ta think about the answers.”
“Everybody has to think about the answers,” I said. “And you’re plenty smart too.” I wasn’t exaggerating. He had made observations on this test that it would take most people intense analysis to find. “You just need to focus. Just go with your gut on this stuff. Don’t worry too much about the wording- just try to get the information down.”
The bell rang before we had a chance to really get rolling. I was afraid that was going to be the way things were until the exam date, but we would have to make do even if it wasn’t an ideal schedule.
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“What’s your work schedule like this weekend?” I asked. Things had been going well with Merriell so far. We had met up every day this week, and it seemed like Merriell was actually getting something out of this. I had him answer a few practice questions for me, just to help me get a better idea of how he operated. That had only confirmed my suspicions that he was overthinking things. “If you have a couple hours, I think it’d be a really good idea to do a practice exam.”
Merriell mulled the suggestion over for a minute before he replied. “I work during the days,” he said. “...But if you can do it on Sunday night?”
I didn’t usually like to go out on Sunday nights, but I wasn’t about to tell him that and give him even more reason to think I was completely lame. “What time?”
“My shift ends at nine,” he said. “Where do you want to meet?”
Bringing a boy over to my house that late really wasn’t an option, even if it was only to study. We wouldn’t be able to get anything done with my dad hovering over our shoulders to make sure we didn’t do anything inappropriate. “Your place is probably best,” I said. “If you give me the address I can just meet you there.”
“Isn’t there a library or something we could go?” he asked.
I pursed my lips and tried to create a map in my head. The closest library was still about forty-five minutes away from my house. I asked him where he worked and where he lived so I could add that location to the map. His house was the most convenient location by far, and that’s what I told him. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of me coming over, but he agreed, and I told him I’d meet him there at 9:30.
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“My sweet baby, finally leaving the house after eight,” my mom cooed as I rolled my eyes. “You’re growing up so fast!” I sighed as I tugged on my jacket. My dad walked across the hall with a small plate of cheese and crackers.
“You and Emily have fun tonight,” he said. “Don’t get up to anything too crazy.”
“When have I ever done anything crazy?” My mom held my bag out to me, and I took it and swung it over my shoulder. My dad waved goodbye as he strolled into the living room, and I turned my attention back to my mom. “You told him I was going to Emily’s?” I asked.
She nodded. “I had to tell him something,” she said. “Just a little fib to keep him from worrying. You know how your father gets.”
“Now you call me if you need anything,” she said.
“I will.”
The drive over to Merriell’s place was quiet. I didn’t bother turning on the radio- I wanted to go over what I had planned for tonight in my head a couple times before I got there. The porch lights were on when I arrived, illuminating the front of the small house. I parked on the street and strolled up to the house. Merriell opened the door before I had a chance to knock, and greeted me with a tired smile. I stepped through the door and Merriell shut it behind me. The air inside was heavy. I could practically taste the dust lingering on every surface. The dull sound of the TV wafted in from room branching off of the hallway.
Merriell stayed silent, and I took the hint to do the same. He shoved his hands in his pockets and led me to his bedroom. As we passed through the living room, I scanned the abundance of dirty dishes piled up on the coffee table, including a nearly empty bottle of rum, the clothes draped over the back of the couch, an indistinguishable stain on the carpet I wouldn’t dream about trying to identify for anything less than a small fortune. If she hadn’t have stirred when we walked by, I would have thought the woman on the couch was just a pile of blankets. I jumped when she moved and grabbed Merriell’s arm. He ushered me the rest of the way through the living room. He closed the door to his room behind us and let out a sigh. It was spotless by comparison. Merriell wouldn’t meet my eyes when I looked back at him.
“Sorry about that,” he mumbled. “I told her I was havin’ company.” He ran his fingers through his short curls.
“Don’t apologize,” I said. “It’s fine.” I reached into my bag and pulled out the papers. “Do you want to get started?” He nodded. I glanced around for a place to work, but didn’t find out. Aside from the bed, nightstand, and small dresser, the room was empty. Merriell sat on the bed, and I assumed that would serve as our desk for the evening. I sat beside him and placed the test in his lap along with a notebook for him to write on. “So, standard test conditions. Try to remember your timeline, and if you have any questions, just ask,” I quipped. Merriell settled on the bed with his back against the headboard and his knees pulled up as a makeshift desk. I pulled my novel out of my bag and leaned against the wall as he got to work. Usually, I could go through a few chapters at least in an hour and a half, but tonight I was having trouble focusing. Maybe it was some kind of trade off: Merriell and I couldn’t both focus on something at the same time. One or the other had to be distracted at any given moment or the world would cease to function. Merriell had my attention thoroughly captured. He was just writing, but I couldn’t stop myself from glancing over to him every few minutes and studying his narrowed, focused eyes and pursed lips. He chewed on the end of his pencil when he got stuck on a question.
About a half hour in Merriell murmured “stop staring at me,” and I retreated to the floor in the hopes that he would be out of my line of sight, but I could still see most of his face from where I sat. I buried my nose in my book. I still couldn’t focus on the words or the plot, but it was better I stare at the pages than at Merriell.
As we rounded on the ninety minute mark, I stood up and returned to the bed. Merriell was writing faster now- I could see the anxiety starting to keep into his eyes. “Relax,” I said. “It’s just a practice test.” He barely glanced over the papers at me before he let out a long breath and returned to the test. When the clock ran out, I reached over to take the test, but Merriell held it out of my reach.
“I can make it betta’,” he said. “I just need five more minutes.”
“You can always make it better,” I said. “But when the timer runs out, you just need to let it go.” He grimaced, but let me take the papers. “Be satisfied with the job you did. Don’t let yourself dwell on what you could’ve done differently.”
He crossed his legs and held onto his ankles while I read over his work. I could tell he was anxious to hear how he did, but I wanted to be thorough. He needed solid advice and criticism of his work- I couldn’t give that to him with a quick skim.
When I set the papers down, Merriell scooted across the bed to sit beside me. “So?” he asked.
I smiled up at him. “It’s good,” I said. “Really good.” It was impressive work. A test like this would an easy A. But maybe not quite the 93 Merriell needed. “There’s a few areas we can keep working on,” I said. “But I think you’re on the right track.”
The lines on his forehead smoothed over and he leaned back with a sigh. “Really?”
I nodded. “I think your biggest issue is you’re still taking too much time with the essay question, and you’re rushing the rest of the test,” I said.
“But the essay’s worth the most,” he said. “Aren’t you s’pose to spend more time on it?”
“Well, yes,” I said. “But you have to find that balance. If you have an amazing essay, and half ass the rest of the test, you’re not going to do very well.” I handed the test back to him. “Multiple choice is a low priority,” I said. “But you need to spend more time on the short answers.”
He looked his answers over and nodded. “I can do that.”
I grinned. “Yes,” I said, grabbing his forearm. “You can.” We went over the details of the test for about fifteen minutes, but silence quickly overcame us as Merriell ran out of questions to ask. “Where you from?” I asked. I didn’t realize how ‘out of nowhere’ the question was until Merriell looked at me and blinked twice. “I’ve just been wondering,” I said. “With the accent and everything.”
His lips parted into a small ‘O’. “New Orleans,” he said. “French Quarter.”
“Do you miss it?”
He nodded. “Sometimes,” he said. “It’s where I grew up, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said. “How come you moved out here?”
He nodded towards the door. “Mama got transferred,” he said. The short sentence was followed with a bitter laugh. “Then she got fired.”
“Oh,” I said. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.” I couldn’t imagine what that was like- my dad had worked at the same place since before I was born, and there was no end in sight for his career. “Was your dad able to pick up the slack?”
He snorted. “He ain’t around,” he said.
My face flushed with embarrassment. Of course he wasn’t, idiot. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”
Merriell shrugged and tossed the test onto his nightstand. “S’alright,” he said. “We manage just fine on our own.”
I plastered a smile on my face and prayed he couldn’t see through it. “Of course.”
I didn’t stay too long after that. I needed to get home before it got too late. I had to stifle a yawn as Merriell walked me out- I was usually in bed by now. Merriell insisted on taking me all the way out to my car. I was grateful for the company; this wasn’t the best part of town, and walking alone at night wasn’t something I was overly comfortable with, even if it was just to the end of the driveway.
“Thank ya for comin’ ova,” he said as I opened my car. “I know it’s outta your way and all.”
I tossed my bag over to the passenger’s seat. “It’s not,” I said. “I’m happy to do it.” I reached out and tapped his shoulder. “Anything to make sure you kill it on Friday.”
He chuckled. “I dunno about that,” he said. “I’m just hopin’ to maim it at this point.”
I laughed. “You’ll annihilate it,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
He nodded and stepped back as I slid into the car. I watched him retreat into the house through the rearview mirror as I took off down the street.
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I’d gotten home after twelve last night. Needless to say, it was a little less sleep than I was used to getting. I’d been yawning all morning, and it showed no signs of stopping as I sat down for my first class of the day. I held my fist up to my mouth to shield my yawn from my classmate, and jumped as Katherine dropped her books on the desk next to me.
“Late night?” she asked with a smirk.
I blinked up at her as she sank down into the chair. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a conversation with Katherine, but it hadn’t been anytime recent. My relationship with Katherine, which could only ever be described as casual, came to a jarring halt when we entered middle school, and she found herself absorbed into the elite group. “Uh… yeah, sort of,” I mumbled. I pulled out my notebook and flipped open to a fresh page.
“With Merriell?”
I whipped my head around to face her. “What?” I asked.
She laughed and nudged my arm. “C’mon, everybody’s talking about you two,” she said in a hushed voice. “Sneaking into the classroom at lunch.”
“We’re not sneaking in,” I stammered. “We’re just using it.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you found a great use for it.” She winked at me and I felt my cheeks burning.
“It’s not like that, we’re just-” I cut myself off before I could finish the thought. I couldn’t tell her what we were actually doing, could I? It wasn’t my place to tell anyone that Merriell needed a tutor or he might not pass the class. “It’s just not… what you’re thinking.”
She chuckled. “Sure it’s not.”
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I thought about telling Merriell what Katherine had said, but I ultimately decided against it. It would just be another distraction, and what he needed more than anything was to focus. I didn’t want him wondering what people might be thinking every time we walked into the classroom; when he was in there, his mind needed to be on his work 100%.
Our last four lunchtime sessions went well. Merriell’s work was getting better every day. He was finding it easier and easier to get his thoughts down coherently and quickly, and I was overjoyed to see it. He still didn’t have the time to meet up after school, but I knew he must have been reviewing the materials at home; he always had fresh questions for me the next day. Unfortunately, I also knew that meant he must not be getting enough sleep. I had to beg him not to stay up until two in the morning the night before the exam.
“What’s wrong with stayin’ up a lil late ta study?” he asked.
“Your brain works best when it’s well rested,” I said. “If you go into the exam sleep deprived, it’s gonna be a lot harder for you to work at the pace you need to.”
He sighed. “Fine, fine,” he said.
“Trust me, you know this stuff already,” I said. “You don’t need to cram.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d actually convinced him or if he was just humoring me, but I let myself believe the former. It was the only way I could get to sleep on Thursday. It was strange- I’d never been so nervous the night before a test, and it wasn’t even my test to take.
I got to school a little early just to see if I could track Merriell down before first period. I wanted to wish him luck in case I didn’t see him before he took the exam. The butterflies in my stomach got worse as the clock inches closer and closer to 8:30. A long breath rushed out of my lungs when I spotted him amongst the chaos of the locker bay. I weaved my way through the crowd to get to him.
“Merriell!” He turned when he heard me calling his name. I pushed my way past two boys who were apparently determined to take up as much space as humanly possible, and jogged up to Merriell. “How are you feeling?” I asked. Not that I really needed to. He looked as nervous as I felt.
Merriell shook his head. “Good chance I might throw up, but otha’ than that, I’m fantastic,” he said with a strained smile.
I reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re going to do fine,” I said. “You’ve been rocking those test questions all week.” I could tell he was trying to believe me. Whether he actually would or not remained to be seen. The bell rang, but I made no move to go to class. Giving him the reassurance he needed was worth being a little late. “You can do this, Merriell,” I said as the halls filled with students shuffling off to class.
He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Okay.”
“You have to say it,” I said.
His laugh was brief but it was like music to my ears. “I can do this,” he said.
“Damn right,” I said. I shifted my books over to one arm and wrapped the other around his shoulder. “Good luck,” I murmured in his ear.
“Thank you.”
It was a bit strange hearing the lunch bell and knowing I wouldn’t be heading off to Mr. Korals room with Merriell. We may have been done with the studying part of things, but I still fully intended to spend my lunch break with Merriell. I found him parked at his locker, as usual, and rushed up to him. “So?” I asked. “How’d it go?”
Merriell chewed his bottom lip. “I dunno,” he said. “Good- I think.” He placed his books into his locker one at a time. “I mean, it felt good. I just don’t know if it was enough.” He sighed as he swung his locker shut. “I know I coulda answered some of the questions betta’ if I’d had a lil more time.”
“Hey,” I said. “Remember what I said about that.”
He nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I remember,” he said. He sighed and turned to face me. “I think… I think I did the best I could.”
A smile spread across my face. “I’m proud of you Merriell,” I said. He blinked, and the surprise on his face made me smile grow larger, until I saw the tears forming in his eyes. “Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
Merriell attempted to blink the tears back and forced a laugh. “Nah, it’s not, uh… Must be allergies or somethin’,” he said.
“Right,” I said. “Must be.” If he wanted me to think it was allergies, then I’d believe it was allergies. “Do you want to find somewhere to eat?” He nodded, and we wandered outside to fit a place to sit- the tables inside filled up after about five minutes. We sat down in the grass and I pulled my lunch out of my bag. Merriell hadn’t brought anything with him, but I’d gotten used to bringing a little extra food with me- Merriell never had a lunch.
“Can’t believe we have to wait ‘till Monday to get our results,” he said with a sigh.
“It’s best not to let yourself think about it too much,” I said. “There’s no point in dwelling on it now. It’s out of your hands.” I pulled a granola bar out of my bag and earned a small smile when I handed it to him. Merriell played with the wrapper without opening it and fixated on the grass in front of us. So much for not dwelling on it. “Merriell, whatever mark you get, you should be proud of the work you put in,” I said. “You worked so hard.”
“It’s not just…” He licked his lips. “If I don’t graduate this year, I’m not gon’ graduate at all.”
I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“I need to start working full time,” he said. “I can’t go ta school next year. I just can’t, and I don’t wanna be...” He rubbed his forehead and I scooted closer to him so I could wrap my arm over his shoulder. “That loser who flunked outta high school.”
“You won’t be,” I said. Of course, GED’s were always an option. Even if he didn’t graduate, he could always come back when he was in a more stable place, but now wasn’t the time to be a realist. He didn’t need to hear his options; he needed a reason not to worry. “You got the grade, okay? I know you did,” I said.
Merriell searched my eyes for any hint of deception, but he would find nothing but honesty there. “Thank you,” he said softly, and I squeezed his shoulder.
“Don’t thank me,” I said. “You did this yourself. I just provided a little encouragement.”
He shook his head. “You have no idea how much I needed it,” he said.
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I stayed in my seat after the final bell rang and waited for the classroom to clear out. Mr. Korals looked up from his desk and blinked at me. “Did you need something?”
I slipped out of my chair and walked to the front of the room to stand in front of his desk. “Have you started marking the exams yet?” I asked.
Mr. Korals chuckled and nodded. “I started marking over lunch.”
“Merriell’s?” I asked.
“I’ve started on his, yes.”
“And?”
Mr. Korals shook his head. “Y/N, you know I can’t discuss another student’s academics with you,” he said. I groaned inwardly, but he clasped his hands together and leaned across the desk. “But if you tell Merriell to come back in half an hour, I’ll finish marking his test right now.”
“No,” I said, running my fingers through my hair. “No, he’s already left for work.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he was already halfway there.
“Then he’ll just have to wait until Monday like the rest of the class,” he said.
“Please, can’t I just come back and pick up the test for him?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I can’t do that,” he said. “I’m sorry”
“Mr. Korals, you know how much this grade means to him,” I said. “He’ll be killing himself over it all weekend.” The anxiety I had seen during lunch was only the surface, only what Merriell allowed me to see. I knew what lay underneath had to be much worse. “It’s just one test,” I said. “We won’t tell anyone. But he deserves to hear back right away. Please.”
Mr. Korals leaned back in his chair and sighed. He thumbed through the papers on his desk as he mulled it over. “You know it’s against policy,” he said.
I nodded. “I know, but it’s not like there’s a task force dedicated to hunting down teachers who wrongly release students’ tests,” I cried, and immediately kicked myself for it. “I’m sorry, I just- he needs to know.”
Mr. Korals couldn’t have been staring at me for longer than ten seconds, but it felt like hours. “Come back in half an hour,” he said with a nod.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you so much-”
“Yes, yes, I know,” he said. “Don’t mention it.”
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I was waiting outside Merriell’s house for half an hour before I spotted him walking down the street. I knew when he got home; I just couldn’t wait. I wanted to give him the test as soon as I got it. I had to talk myself out of going over to his job and pulling him aside, but I didn’t want to get him in trouble with his boss. So naturally, waiting outside his house in my car like some kind of stalker seemed the best alternative. I should count myself lucky it was as late as it was; most people had retired to their houses for the evening. There wasn’t a lot of foot traffic, so there wasn’t a lot of people to notice the weirdo hanging out in the car.
It was a little passed 9:30 when Merriell came up to the house and frowned at the car. I slipped out of the driver’s seat and his confusion turned into surprise. “Y/N,” he said. “Whatta you doin’ here?”
I pulled the test papers out of my bag as I walked over to him. “I stopped my Mr. Korals room after school today,” I said. Merriell’s lips parted as I held the test out to him. He took the papers from my hand, but his eyes remained firmly planted on my face.
“Did ya look?” he asked. I shook my head and he swallowed. I felt my chest constrict as he looked down and flipped the papers over. His Adam’s apple bobbed when his eyes landed on his grade, but I didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad one. He let out a low, shaky breath, and I stepped towards him.
“Merriell?” I asked. He looked back up to me and relief rushed through my body when I saw his smile. “93?”
“95,” he whispered.
I let out a small squeak that would have been embarrassing if I wasn’t so excited. I leapt forward and wrapped my arounds around his neck. Merriell’s arms curled around my waist and he lifted me off the ground. I let out a half squeal half giggle as he spun me around and set me back on my feet. “I knew it, Merriell, I knew you could do it-”
I was silenced by Merriell’s lips on mine. My hands flew up at the abrupt contact, but it didn’t take long for them to settle back onto his shoulders. Our mouths moved together in a graceful dance; I’d never had such a talented partner. He led me perfectly- I didn’t miss a single step. The kiss didn’t last as long as I would have liked it to; neither of us could stop smiling long enough to keep it going. When the kiss broke, Merriell chuckled and leaned his forehead against mine. “I couldn’ta done it without you,” he said. “Thank you, Y/N, thank you.”
I laced my fingers together behind his neck. “You don’t-”
“If you say that one more time,” he warned. “This was you.” He leaned back just enough so he could look at me properly. “I woulda given up if it wasn’t for you.” His hands drifted up my sides as he spoke.
I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth. “Then I’m glad I was around,” I said.
He grinned. “So am I.” I let my hands fall to his chest and took a half step back. Merriell glanced over to his dimly lit house. “I’d invite you in, but… My mom…”
I nodded. “It’s okay,” I said. “I should get going.” Merriell loosened his grip on me as I stepped away.
“Are ya sure?” he asked.
“Yeah, it’s getting late,” I said. “I don’t want to keep you up.” I knew he had to get up for work in the morning.
“If you’re the one keepin’ me up, I don’t think I’d mind it,” he said.
I grinned. “You’d mind it in the morning,” I said. I adjusted the strap lying on my shoulder and glanced back at my car. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday?” He nodded and I turned back towards the car. “Unless-” he took a step forward “-I’ve got about an hour between my shifts tomorrow,” he said. “If you wanted ta get lunch or somethin?”
I tried to bite back my smile to prevent it from reaching an embarrassing size. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
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I’d always thought graduating would be this beautiful, elegant celebration of our years of dedication to our educations. The reality was just a touch different; four hours shoved together in a too small auditorium with a bunch of people I didn’t even know were in my grade, waiting for our name to be called so we could walk across a creaky stage with cheap decorations, all to get a piece of paper and a handshake. It was hot and crowded, and I was absolutely terrified of tripping when I walked across the stage, but it was all worth it to get up there and see my parents in the audience. My mom was doing her best not to cry, but it was a losing battle, and my dad was grinning ear to ear. He elbowed the man sitting next to him and pointed to me. I gave him a small wave as I walked down the steps.
I craned my neck to watch Merriell’s walk from my place at the sight of the stage. He caught my eye and I beamed at him. I felt my eyes welling up when he took his diploma. When he walked down the steps, I reached out to give his hand a quick squeeze.
The ceremony lasted about an hour too long, but all in all, it wasn’t that bad. The hall was definitely at capacity and a half; we were crammed shoulder to shoulder when the graduating class walked back out to visit with their families. I hovered by the door. I didn’t want to go in and risk being swallowed alive by that crowd.
“Hey.” Merriell’s voice made me turn my head. I smiled back at him as he wakes up to me and leaned against the door. “You look incredible,” he said. “You should wear black robes more often.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder. “You ready to wade through that crowd?”
“Why would I wanna do that?” he asked.
My smile faded. “Didn’t you- I mean, do you have any guests you wanna say hi to?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I got a ticket for my mom but…” He shrugged. “I was gonna take off, actually.”
My lips parted into a small O, but my attention was quickly stolen by my father calling my name. I turned and saw my family squeezing their way through the crowd. My mom rushed up to me and gathered me into a tight hug.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said. When she freed me, I saw Merriell retreating out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t have a chance to stop him; my mom took care of that for me. “And who’s this?”
“This is Merriell,” I said. “Merriell, this is my mom.”
Merriell stepped forward and extended his hand. “It’s nice ta meet you, ma’am.”
She covered his hand with both of hers. “It’s nice to meet you too, Merriell,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I winced at her tone. “Have you now?” Merriell asked, a grin spreading across his face.
“Oh yes,” she said. “Y/N hasn’t stopped talking about you for weeks.” That prompted a laugh from Merriell. “And I have to say, you’re just as cute as-”
“Mom,” I said through gritted teeth.
My dad emerged from the crowd with my grandparents in tow. Merriell shoved his hands into his pockets while the obligatory hugs and congratulations were issued. I reintroduced Merriell to the rest of my family who were, thankfully, less embarrassing than my mom. After the pleasantries were exchanged, Merriell tried to say goodbye to me again, but my grandmother was having none of it.
“Nonsense,” she scolded. “It’s your graduation day. You’ll join us for dinner, won’t you?” What followed was a truly pointless argument. When grandma made her mind up about something, nothing could change her mind. She saw through the excuses Merriell tried to give her, linked arms with him, and practically dragged him out to our car. “We’ll have a lovely meal,” she assured him. “To celebrate.”
Merriell didn’t talk much during dinner, but I was taking the fact that he didn’t look like he wanted to strangle himself or any members of my family as a good sign. My grandmother kept trying to goad him into talking, but I managed to deflect for him. She tended to get a little too personal for comfort, even with people she barely knew. I managed to get a moment alone with Merriell while my dad was handling the bill; the first thing I did was apologize for my family.
“Don’t,” Merriell said with a laugh. “They’re nice.” He scuffed his shoe on the floor. “I didn’t mean to bust in on your family dinner, though.”
I shook my head. “You didn’t,” I said. “I liked having you here. There’s no one I’d rather celebrate with.”
Merriell took a step back. “So is this one a those things where we say we’re gon’ keep in touch and neva’ talk again?”
“No,” I said. Maybe a little too quickly. “I mean, unless that’s what you want.”
“It’s not,” he said, just as quickly. “I like you, Y/N. I wanna... “ He cleared his throat. “I wanna spend more time with you.” A lopsided smile adorned his face. “As much as I can, actually.”
“So do I,” I said. I reached out and took his hand. “How about lunch?”