Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After much thought on the matter, Caleb decided to take Molly up on his constant flirting. He decided this at 4:36 am, his traditional bedside alarm clock ticking away in the darkness, after two years of confusion and building desire.

Before Molly, he had believed himself straight.

He acted on this decision at two minutes past midnight, a week and a half later, at Jester’s birthday party.

His plan was simple. Take Molly up on it. Do the experimentation most of his peers had done in their late teens and early twenties. Get Molly out of his system, so that he could figure out his sexuality with as little mess as possible, and without hurting anyone.

Molly had made it perfectly clear he was always up for a one night stand, experimentation. It would be easy, understood, and no doubt very enjoyable.

It was harder to remember this simple, logical, efficient plan when Molly was leaning on a wall in Jester’s flat, talking with a wide grin and dramatic hand movements, face alive and lovely, horn jewellery catching the light.

Tonight he wore a glittery crop top in the colours of an oil slick and tight, low-slung trousers. There was a trail of hair dipping down into the waistband. Caleb wanted to touch it.

Molly caught him looking and waved, and winked. Caleb felt his face go hot. He jerked his head in the direction of the hallway, which was currently empty, and relatively safe for a conversation like this.

Molly shrugged and followed him.

Caleb felt almost sick with nerves.

“What’s up, Mr Caleb?” Molly asked when they were alone.

“Um,” Caleb said. Suddenly the articulate and persuasive things he’d practiced saying were gone. “You flirt with me a lot.”

Molly grinned wide. “I sure do. You’re a handsome man.” his expression changed. “Do you want me to stop? I can -”

“No! No, no. I want. To take you up on your, um, offers.”

Molly’s smile spread across his face, slow and wicked, with more than a glint of teeth.

“Is that so?” he murmured, and stepped closer. His tail lashed behind him.

“Ja. I have been. Uh, wondering -”

“Oh, no need to explain. I get a lot of curious people,” Molly said.

Well, that was easy, Caleb thought with a rush of relief.

“I think - just the once?” Caleb said.

“I understand.”

“And -” Caleb leaned in. “Can we be discreet?”

Leaning in as he did, he missed the brief complicated emotions that crossed Molly’s face.

“Of course we can,” Molly said.

Caleb was quite proud of himself. So far this had gone exactly as he planned, and he wouldn’t have gossip and questioning and nosiness if it turned out he was straight after all.

While Caleb’s face was there, close to the curve of Molly’s cheek, close enough to catch the perfume he was wearing, Molly murmured into his ear.

“There’s some choices to make though, darling. If you want to get fucked -” Caleb sucked in a breath - “We’ll need to head to mine. I left my dick at home. Anything else, hells, we could do some things in the alley round the corner.”

Caleb felt a little dizzy. He had to concentrate on not getting hard immediately.

If Caleb was honest, he’d been thinking about all the things he and Molly could do for at least a year now. Images of what they’d be like in bed together confusing him, getting in the way of figuring himself out. And the thought of getting fucked was exciting and frightening all at once.

He only had the once with Molly though, he had promised himself that. And he couldn’t do everything he’d masturbated about in one evening.

He was too excited to wait, and his flat was closer.

“Mine,” he said. It came out sounding strangled and he cleared his throat. “Let’s go to mine.”

Molly laughed. “Good by me,” he said. “No point wasting time, I’ve wanted to see you naked forever. Let me just get my coat.”

Caleb stood stunned for a moment before gathering his own things.

Molly kissed him on their way to the taxi rank, his tongue slipping into Caleb’s mouth and sending shudders down his spine and into his dick. They kissed again in the taxi, Molly laughing into his mouth when they caught the driver’s eyes on them in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, he was into it,” Molly said when the taxi drove off, “He thought we were hot together.” Molly’s hand slotted in his, warmer by far than any human’s.

Caleb, more impatient than he’d planned to be, hard behind his fly, wanting, wanting - Caleb tugged at Molly’s hand towards his block of flats. He fumbled the door code once because Molly’s mouth was on his neck. He managed it the second time, and opted to take the stairs to the second floor instead of the lift because at that moment Molly looked very much like the sort of person who’d do indecent things in a lift regardless of if the cameras worked.

More kissing at his door as he opened it, then more inside his small, cosy flat.

“Shoes off,” he said between kisses. Molly rolled his eyes, but with affection. He kicked off his shoes and left them scattered across Caleb’s worn carpet, a little shorter now without his heels on.

They left a trail of discarded clothing on their way to the bedroom.

Caleb had never had so little doubt and anxiety about his naked body before. Molly touched him like he was beautiful, like there was no possible world in which he could be undesirable, those warm fingers grazing his waist, his arms, his jaw. One claw caught a nipple and Caleb gasped.

“Like it a bit rough?” Molly’s eyes were bright.

“I don’t know,” Caleb said, too turned on for anything but honesty. “I have never tried. You are-“

“Your first Tiefling?” Molly cocked his head, eyes on Caleb’s.

“No - Yes. My first one night stand. My first - It’s only been women. “ He wasn’t scared, saying that.

Molly’s smile softened. “Well then,” he said. “We’ll just have to make sure it’s amazing, to justify your bravery in asking for it.”

Only been women, and not many of them. Caleb could count his lovers on the fingers of one hand, and not need the thumb.

That didn’t matter, not with the way Molly pressed up against him, hot bare skin against Caleb, clever fingers working at Caleb’s only remaining clothes, his jeans. Easing the button undone, pulling down the zip. Caleb was so hard, and Molly’s hand was hot over his boxers, fingertips tracing out the line of his erection.

“Molly,” he said, “Please.” Not knowing what he was asking for.

“Hm.” Molly licked a hot line up his neck. “You want me?”

Caleb could only moan. Molly was so hot against him. Molly’s teeth scraped his neck. Molly’s hands teased him. Caleb walked them backwards until the back of his knees hit his bed.

“Molly,” he said, desperate. “Please.”

Against his throat Molly’s breath hitched, shuddered.

“Whatever you want,” he murmured. “Whatever you want.”

“I - I don’t know. If I knew - this is why I asked you. You have all this experience -”

“Ok. Ok,” Molly soothed. “Alright.” He kissed Caleb, hard enough for his teeth to draw a little blood. “Can I touch your cock? I want to touch you.”

“Ja. Ja, bitte, Molly. Touch me. Touch my - ah -”

Molly slipped his hand into Caleb’s boxers, that slim, hot hand stroked his length in a slow, teasing movement.

“Oh,” he said. “You’re so hard for me.”

“Ja, ja, Molly. Hard for you. Please.”

“Take these off for me, Caleb. How do you feel about me riding you?”

Caleb felt very good about that.

“Ja…” He pushed his jeans and boxers down as one thing, dragging his feet out, and he sat down hard on the bed, panting. Molly leaned in for another kiss, then stepped back. Caleb’s hands reached out without his say so.

“Ah, ah,” Molly said. His voice was rough. “Watch.” His tight, tight trousers, more brightly coloured leggings than anything, were in the way of Caleb seeing everything of Molly.

Molly’s hands were unsteady as his pushed his leggings down, revealing the thick, curly purple-black hair at his groin. Molly was wet, so wet Caleb could smell the musk of him, so wet it glistened on the curls of his pubic hair.

Caleb did that. Caleb did that to Molly, who’s slept with more people than Caleb even knows.

“You got a condom?” Molly said and Caleb nodded, but not before leaning forward at an awkward angle to kiss Molly’s treasure trail like he’d wanted to for so long. Molly moaned and it made Caleb’s blood sing.

“I want - “ Caleb said “Can I lick you?”

“Fuck. Gods. Yes. Hold on.”.

Another kiss, sloppier this time. The Molly crawled onto the bed beside him, fingertips trailing his shoulders on the way past. He arranged himself and spread his legs, lewd, shameless, wonderful.

Caleb’s mouth was watering.

Molly beckoned him over with one sharp-clawed finger and a filthy smile.

“Put your smart mouth to good use, Mr. Caleb.”

Caleb shuffled himself around and crawled between Molly’s legs, feeling exposed, feeling horny beyond belief. This close the musky smell of Molly’s wet cunt was overwhelming, dizzying. Molly parted his pussy lips with his fingers so Caleb got a pornographically clear close-up, under the yellowish gleam of his bedroom light.

Caleb took a deep breath through his nose.

I did that, he thought again. I turned Molly on this much.

It was a wonderful power to have.

He traced his tongue delicately over the lips, heard Molly take a sharp inhale, barely a gasp. Molly tasted good, sharply musky. Made his tongue tingle. Molly’s hips moved in tiny jerks, trying to get his clit closer to Caleb’s tongue and well. Caleb wanted in this moment to please him, give him whatever he wanted.

“Come on. Come on, Caleb.”

Well, alright.

Caleb moved up to Molly’s clit , flicking his tongue against and around the hard bud. This he knew, at least, and Molly was vocal enough to let him know he was doing a good job. Molly’s hand twisted into his hair, flexed hair then released. That felt good though, the pull against his scalp so he broke off, his lips sticky.

“You can put your hand in my hair.”

“Oh gods, how are you so -”

Molly’s head fell back.

But his hand tightened in Caleb’s hair.

Caleb sucked on Molly’s clit and Molly howled, tugging Caleb closer and grinding into his face. Caleb’s mouth was slick, his stubble wet, his cock so hard it hurt.

This was the best sex had ever been for him. Molly was so responsive, so eager, and exactly who he wanted in bed with him.

“Gods, Caleb, Gods, I’m - fuck, Caleb, so good. So good, keep - oh - fuck -”

Molly degraded into wordless noises mixed with swearing. His thighs trembled and he got, impossibly, even wetter, before those same wonderful thighs clenched hard around Caleb’s head and he came with a shout and his hand tight in Caleb’s hair. Caleb’s mouth was flooded with slick, his nose full of Molly.

He kissed Molly’s thigh as Molly shook and came down, nuzzled it really, rubbing his stubble against the delicate skin.

“Alright,” Molly said, breathless. “Wow. Fuck.”

Caleb laughed against Molly’s thigh. He could be flying right now and couldn’t feel better.

“And I was going to show you a good time,” Molly said.

Caleb kissed his inner thigh again. “I’m looking forward to it,” he said, a little muffled.

This all just felt so right, so good.

He let Molly recover. He wanted to be inside him, very badly, but he could wait. This was all he’d ever have with Molly, and he wanted it to be perfect.

He crawled up over Molly’s body and kissed him, hard and wanting, loving the lazy slide of Molly’s tongue against his own. To think, he could have done this months ago, had this all along.

Had this that once, he meant.

Molly nudged at his shoulder with one beringed hand.

“Roll over. On your back, darling.”

Caleb obeyed.

“Condoms are in the cabinet drawer,” he said, a little belatedly. Molly grinned at him, and went rifling through.

“Well stocked, Caleb,” he said.

“Well,” Caleb said, and stopped. How could he say these things? I planned this. I didn’t know what you’d need. I prepared for this and bought multiple condoms and lubes from Eros Lovestore. It cost about £50. That’s how much I wanted this, wanted you.

“I like to be prepared,” is what he said.

“It’s very hot,” Molly said, and Caleb preened under his approval.

Molly picked out a condom and opened it carefully. He approached Caleb, his red eyes focused, his mouth a little open. He looked like a fantasy.

He kissed his way down Caleb, started with gentle nuzzles and nips at his jaw that made Caleb sigh and twist his head to reveal more neck. Then Caleb’s collar bones, leaving a lovebite there -

“I had to leave one,” Molly said, “But no-one will see it there with what you wear.” -

Down his chest, sucking and biting on the nipples. Caleb now barely knew what to do with his voice, his hands. He had never felt so good or so wanting in all his life.

Down his stomach, which twitched and jumped at the contact.

Molly lingered at Caleb’s hip bones.

“Watch,” he said.

And he rolled the condom down with his tongue.

Gods.

Molly’s handsome face and glittering eyes looking up from Caleb’s crotch, lips stretched round his dick, was almost more than he could bear.

“Molly,” he gasped. “Bitte.”

Caleb’s cock was obscenely hard, flexing under the condom like it had a will of his own. Molly slid his lips off and smirked at him, and gods only knew what he saw.

Molly stole one more quick and surprisingly tender kiss before he swung his leg over Caleb, straddling his hips. He held Caleb’s cock against his pubic hair and ground his hips down. It looked amazing. And there was the promise of it, that Caleb could soon be inside all that satiny wet heat.

“You want it?” Molly said. “Caleb, you want it?

“Yes, please. Bitte. Molly, please. I want to be inside you. I want to fuck you.”

Caleb thought he knew what it looked like when Molly blushed now. He was a darker and more pink-toned purple across his cheeks, down his lovely scarred chest.

Molly moved his hips up, up - and let Caleb’s sheathed dick slide across the opening off his pussy.

“I don’t think you really want it, Caleb,” he said, teasing in tone though breathless. “You seem fine to me.”

“I’ll beg if you want to. Molly, please. Please, bitte, please. Please let me fuck you. Molly, you are so lovely. Let me fuck you, let me inside you. I want it, I promise.”

A shaky laugh from Molly. “Alright then.”

And then in one smooth motion he lifted up, positioned Caleb’s dick, and sank down on it.

Oh. Oh.

Molly was so hot inside. Even with the condom, Caleb could tell he was slick, and holding Caleb tight, and so hot Caleb might burn up from the inside out. Caleb’s eyes rolled back in his head and he thought he shouted, and Molly began to move.

One hand on the headboard, the other pressing down on Caleb’s chest, Molly rode him, hard and fast, choosing angles to suit. Caleb could only lie there under the onslaught, though he had enough presence of mind to bring his thumb to Molly’s clit, use Molly’s own wetness to smooth the way.

“Hmm. Oh,” Molly gasped. “Fuck.”

Caleb brought his other hand to Molly’s hip, to support his weight as he moved. He looked up at Molly, stunned by what he’d been avoiding so long.

“I think you are the most beautiful thing that has ever been in this bed,” he said, between gasps and moans.

Molly moaned. “Second. Second most beautiful,” he said, and moved his hand from Caleb’s chest to his cheek.

His eyes were full of something Caleb couldn’t name.

Caleb knew the signs of Molly’s impending orgasm after the first, but now he could watch it on his face. How the brows drew in, his nose wrinkled in a way that shouldn’t have been cute, but was. How near the end it looked almost like a snarl. Then in one glorious release his mouth fell open and he almost screamed, holding still for just a second, before he brushed away Calebs thumb with a shaky hand.

“One minute,” he said, muzzy. “One - minute.” He drooped down over Caleb and rested his face against Caleb’s chest, against his heart. Caleb thrust up, wanting.

“Yeah, do that. I want you to come.”

Fuck.

Molly slumped against his chest and breathing hard, Caleb fucked up into the tight heat of his body, chasing friction, chasing orgasm. It was looking at Molly’s blissed out face that got him there, the smeared eyeliner and dark lashes against his cheek. He came harder than he could remember, thrusting a few more times in uncoordinated confusion before he lay still, the sweat cooling on his body.

After a period of time that could have been seconds or centuries, Molly rolled off him, letting Caleb’s softening cock slip from inside him. He lay beside Caleb, one arm across his face, panting.

Caleb couldn’t stop looking at him.

Score one for ‘not straight’ a part of him said.

They cooled down under Caleb’s bedroom light, on top of his utterly destroyed bedsheets. The duvet was somewhere over the room. Caleb rolled the condom off and dropped it in the small bin beside the bed.

“Convenient,” Molly muttered from beside him.

Caleb kept his eyes on Molly.

Eventually he moved his arm and looked at Caleb with one, red, gleaming eye.

“Enjoy yourself? Everything you wanted?”

Caleb nodded, and then - “Yes,” he said. “Very much so.”

Molly smiled to himself.

“So,” he said. “I can go if you want, but I can stay too, and that avoids a second taxi fare.”

Caleb nodded. That made sense. And he didn’t feel good about kicking Molly out after - after that.

“Stay,” he said. “Please.”

Molly turned a sweet smile on him. It made Caleb feel like he was lit up inside.

“Gotta warn you. I’m a cuddler.”

That was alright. Caleb thought he could cope.

Chapter Text

When Molly woke up he was draped across Caleb’s body, lips in the hollow of his throat. Caleb sprawled, snoring softly and Molly smiled helplessly against his skin.

He’d wanted this for so long. And sure, it was just the once, but one taste of what he wanted was better than nothing at all.

He waited until Caleb’s breathing changed, those oh-so-blue eyes opened.

“Morning,” Molly said.

“Morning,” Caleb said back, his voice rough with sleep, his accent heavy. Molly loved it.

Molly wriggled where he was, still on top of Caleb.

“So,” he said, with false casualness “Did you enjoy yourself last night?” His tail, always a more reliable communicator, twined around Caleb’s calf.

Caleb moved his arm to round Molly’s waist, rested his hand on the curve where back became buttock. He was pink all over.

“Very much.”

As Molly moved closer on Caleb, his thigh brushed Caleb’s hard dick.

“Well,” Molly said, his voice dropping into its lower registers “Someone’s happy to see me this morning, at least.”

Caleb went impossibly pinker. “I - yes.”

“Do you want a hand with that?”

Caleb sucked in a breath. They held like that, in taut silence, for a second, two.

“...yes,” he said at last. “Yes, please. Molly.”

Molly loved to hear him beg. Molly loved a lot of things about Caleb. What he loved most in this moment was Caleb’s flushed cheeks and obvious desire.

Molly straddled his thigh with a sigh of pleasure from the friction against his wet pussy. He traced a teasing finger up Caleb’s hard dick and grinned down at him.

“Molly,” Caleb said, in his ‘you little shit’ tone that he used just for Molly, especially for Molly. A bit different in context this time though.

“What, Caleb?” Molly said, eyes wide and mock-innocent, touch gentling. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

Caleb groaned. “Ja, you do,” he said. “You are just a tease.”

“Hmm, nooo - You might have to be -” He wrapped his hand round Caleb’s dick and gave it one, brisk stroke - “a lot more clear.”

“S- stroke my cock. Stroke my cock, Mollymauk, you -” he slipped into Zemnian and Molly exulted.

“Why didn’t you just ask me? Tut tut,” he said, before leaning down to nip at Caleb’s tempting pink mouth. At the same time he gripped harder and started jerking Caleb off, hard and fast.

Gods, it was hot to watch his eyes flutter closed, his mouth fall open, to hear the strangled moan. It made him ache, made him wet, made him grind down hard against Caleb’s thigh. He thrust his tongue into Caleb’s mouth, kissed him hard and sloppy while he moved his hand.

It didn’t take long. That was ok. As Molly saw it, morning sex should be either lazy and slow or hard and fast, and a quickie to make Caleb remember this as a great time was exactly what he wanted. Caleb was twitching his hips and Molly was going really hard on his thigh.

“Ah,” Caleb gasped, “Mo - Molly -”

“Yeah,” Molly said. He was breathless too. “Let go. Come for me, Caleb.” He sped up, got his hand good and wet with Caleb’s precome. Let it slick he way to a high speed.

He was getting close, rutting down on Caleb’s warm, freckled thigh, friction across his clit and pussy lips. They could barely kiss now, too uncoordinated. They just rested their mouths against each other, sharing breath.

Caleb made a choked noise that could have been an attempt at a word. Molly laughed, moaned, whispered “Yeah, that’s right, come on,” into Caleb’s ear.

Another choked noise and a sigh, and Caleb came all over Molly’s hand and his own stomach. Hot and wet and filthy, amazingly good to see his screwed-shut eyes and helpless mouth.

One, two more jerks of his hips and Molly came too, shuddering through orgasm. When it was over and he could breathe again, he kissed Caleb once more. And then again, while he still could.

If this was all he was going to get, he’d make the most of it.

He’d have to go, soon enough, and then this would never happen again. That was fine, Molly was good with one night stands, but - it was Caleb. He told himself he could do this, he could have this one amazing time to live on, to keep. It’d have to be enough. Caleb had told him he didn’t want more.

Molly lay beside Caleb, his mouth resting against Caleb’s shoulder. It felt wonderful. He felt wonderful. This was right. He was not going to enjoy leaving.

Caleb cleared his throat.

“Thank you,” he said. “That was lovely.”

“So polite,” Molly said. He smiled against Caleb’s skin.

“I -” Caleb said. “I enjoyed that. Last night and this morning.”

“It’s good to know my skills haven’t dwindled away to nothing,” Molly said. Keeping his voice light. “Of course, now no-one’s going to live up to the standard I set.”

Caleb snorted a little, which was the closest Caleb got to out-and-out laughter. Score one for Molly.

Reluctantly, Regretfully, Molly sat up.

“I ought to go…” stop me, say stay. “Medication to take, lost people to read cards for. You know.” His hand was still sticky with Caleb’s come. His thigh muscles ached, in all the good ways. He wanted to stay. But he wanted Caleb to want him to stay more.

“Of course,” Caleb said. “I’m sorry. I’ve never had a one night stand before. I do not know the ettiquette.”

Molly held in a laugh.

He got out of bed, missing the intimate warmth the second his foot touched carpet. He found his top, his high heeled boots and his socks, but not his trousers. He looked around for them, confused, until he saw a streak of colour underneath a gingerish lump.

Frumpkin was sleeping on his trousers.

“Uh, Caleb? Could you remove your cat?”

Caleb had been watching Molly as he moved around the small bedroom,but now he slipped out from between the sheets. He bent over to gather Frumpkin in his arms and then stood there as Molly finished getting dressed, an awkward, completely naked man, cradling an overweight ginger tabby.

Frumpkin purred and rubbed his face against Caleb’s stubble. Molly was oddly envious. Of a cat. New low.

“Well,” he said, into the thickening awkwardness between them, “I oughta -”

“Yes, do you need to call a taxi -”

“No, I’ll just take a bus. Can’t afford to go throwing money around like that.”

“I could give you the taxi fare -”

Molly did laugh then. “Caleb, darling. If you offer to give your partner money after sex, that carries a certain implication. I’m certainly not offended, just - for future reference.”

Caleb frowned, and then went bright red.

“Also, for future reference,” Molly said, unable to let it go, “The sort of service you just experienced is worth way more than a taxi fare.”

“Ja, I could believe that,” Caleb muttered, still blushing.

Molly hesitated, still not wanting to go, wanting to leave it with - a kind of ending. Something solid and wonderful, not this awkward hanging end. He couldn’t think of anything. Even the best one night stands with people you loved were a bit strange in the morning, apparently.

He kissed Caleb on the cheek.

“Have a good day,” he said. And let himself out of the door.

On the way to the bus stop, he pulled out his phone. 5 texts from Jester, 2 from Yasha.

From: Jester
Molly did u get home safe
Molly!
Mollyyyyyy please be aliiive
Molly did the taxi driver kill you and chop you up and bury your body in the woods
Because that would be very unfair of you

He was laughing by the last one.

He started writing back, telling her what happened, and then -

He remembered Caleb’s voice saying ‘discreet’ into his ear. Molly knew that meant ‘secret’, and hey, he’d been a secret before. Telling Jester anything guaranteed complete strangers would know within six hours.

To: Jester
Not serial murdered, promise. Just super tired and drunk when i got home so i passed out, only just woke up.

Yasha’s messages were just letting him know she’d be in town for ‘a while’ next week and could she sleep on his sofa for a few days until she found something more long term?

Of course she could, and he was telling her so, when Jesters reply came in.

From: Jester
Well now what’ll i do with this funeral i bought

To: Jester
Save it for when Beau finally pisses off the wrong people.

When he got home he was exhausted. Satisifed, but exhausted. He slumped down on his fourth-hand sofa and closed his eyes.

It’d be ok, he was sure of it. Sure, he was completely and utterly in love with Caleb and had known so at least a year, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have the one amazing no strings experience. He’d always strived to be good with what he could get and not get bitter over what wasn’t in the cards for him. He wasn’t exactly the sort people wanted to date, he was on good terms with that, and he’d had a great time with Caleb, and managed not to embarrass himself by spilling out feelings Caleb could never possibly return.

This was going to be fine, probably.

His phone buzzed at him. He glanced down to see it was Caleb. His heart thumped hard in his chest.

From: Caleb
Molly, I hope you are alright. I hope your journey home was good. I had a very good time. I just wanted to be sure we will still be friends. I like being your friend and I would be sad if things were strange between us. Thank you, again.

Caleb was the only man he knew who wrote a text like a formal letter.

To: Caleb

We’re fine. We’re great. I could never stop being your friend.

Chapter Text

Mondays were often quiet at the bookshop and today was very quiet indeed. Caleb has one customer the whole morning, and that man only bought a second hand copy of Tusk Love. Oh, he didn’t need to worry - he’d made some big sales on the antiquarian side just last week - but he was bored.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a purple flash outside. Molly? His heart beat sped up.It would be nice to see Molly. But when he looked towards the purple properly he saw it was just a human woman with purple hair and a purple dress on, standing in front of his window fiddling with her phone.

He was oddly irritated with her. How dare she stand in front of his window, blocking his displays, and making him think she was Molly. He didn’t know her at all, but he assumed she was selfish and unkind and also possibly cruel to animals. He glared at her through his window until she put her phone away and walked off, having never even noticed him.

Molly suited purple better anyhow.

Ah well. The best distraction from boredom was research. He liked to do that when things were quiet; choose a subject and research it as thoroughly as the internet would allow. With Molly so freshly on his mind, the obvious subject was Tieflings. The more he thought about it, the more surprised he was that he hadn’t done this research before. He had been friends with two Tieflings for four years, and had recently slept with one of them. Surely he should have found out important things long ago.

Caleb was good at internet research, a fast reader, and he had an excellent memory. He learned a lot that interested him, and solidified knowledge he already had.

Somehow, all innocently, he ended up on a educational blog that discussed sex with Tieflings, and Tiefling erogenous zones. He hesitated a moment before deciding that this too was important. What if he touched Jester somewhere that was sexual - by accident? Anything could happen if he didn’t know what was arousing for Tieflings in general.

He was absolutely not thinking about Molly stretched out on his bed when he clicked on the post called ‘Tails and Tieflings’. He continued not thinking about Molly and the way his lean, scarred body looked while he rode Caleb. He read the details about how sensitive Tiefling Tails were, especially the base and tip, and didn’t imagine kissing or licking Molly’s tail. It was information he’d have liked to have before he took Molly to bed, is all, and he wanted to kick himself for not including this in his research.

The linked post at the bottom of the entry was titled ‘Hornjobs’. He clicked that too. And as before, thoughts of Molly were nowhere near his mind when he found out that with many Tieflings scratching or massaging the base of the horns could bring them almost to orgasm, just on its own.

He closed the blog down, but not before memorising the address.

“Huh,” he said to himself.

What if - what if Molly had been expecting any of that? And Caleb hadn’t given it to him? Was Molly disappointed by how their evening had gone? Was he angry? Did he think Caleb was selfish and a bad lover?

The thought ramped his anxiety up.

Deep breaths. He could fix this. There was only one way he could make this up to Molly. A do-over.

As soon as he thought that his anxiety settled again. If he was lucky, Molly would forgive him and agree.

He pulled out his phone and started composing a text.

Dear Molly - no, too formal.

Molly,

I am sorry about friday night. I have found something out I didn’t know at the time and now I know I didn’t show you the consideration and effort you deserved. If you can possibly forgive me I would like to redress the balance.

Caleb.

About ten minutes later he got a text back. His heart was almost vibrating in his chest when he opened it.

From: Molly

Lol i had a great time i don’t know what you have to be sorry for

But if you wanna go again i’m into it

Tonight?

Tonight. Tonight could work. He had no plans.

Text was imprecise. Texts could go astray. He wanted to hear Molly on the phone and tell him so in person. That was normal and understandable.

Without questioning himself further, he dialed Molly’s number. Molly picked up on the second ring.

There was a hint of laughter in his voice when he answered.

“Hallo, Molly,” Caleb said.

“Caleb. Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

“It’s quiet.”

Caleb liked Molly’s voice, even with the warmth and comfort in it lessened by the shitty sound over the mobile line.

“I wanted to say that tonight is good.”

Molly’s laugh isn’t mocking or unkind. Caleb has never felt small or judged by Molly.

“You could have texted me.”

I wanted to hear your voice, he thinks.

“I wanted to be sure you got it. Texts can go astray.”

“Alright. Tonight. Say 8? I’ll give you a chance to eat something first.”

Caleb nodded, and realised Molly couldn’t see him nod. “8. 8 good.”

“See you at 8, Caleb. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He hung up and Caleb smiled into the silence.

For reasons he couldn’t explain he felt a lot better after that. Work picked up after lunch, and he smiled his way through it, looking forward to 8.

When he got home he showered, and changed. He ate a little, not much. He waited on the edge of his seat til 8.

He checked his phone. It was 8:03. Perhaps something had happened to Molly. Perhaps Molly had decided not to come. Perhaps Molly had forgotten. Molly didn’t always have the best memory. Perhaps something -

There was a buzz on his bell from the front door of the block of flats. It was 8:05. He pressed the intercom button.

“Hallo,”

“Caleb. Let me in, it’s raining and I didn’t bring my coat.”

“Ja, of course.” He pressed the door unlock button, then waited by the door, ready for Molly’s knock.

It seemed to take such a long time. How long could it possibly take for Molly to get to his flat? There were the stairs, or the lift, and neither should take more than a couple of minutes. It had taken six or seven hours, it seemed.

But when the knock came he felt so happy, so excited. Because he would be fixing his earlier mistake, which was a good thing to do and a reasonable thing to want.

He opened the door. Molly stood there, hair damp and curling. He wore a lazy, wicked smile that showed his fangs. He was wearing a loose, thin white shirt that clung to him from the rain and a pair of red jeans so tight Caleb could see the lines of his underwear. His tail waved behind him.

“Well, hello Caleb.”

Caleb stuttered something in response, had barely the presence of mind to invite Molly in and close the door behind him. When he turned round Molly was right in his space, red eyes gleaming hotly. His planned explanation and apology were gone from his head, all that mattered was the heat coming off Molly, the musky-sweet perfume he wore, that beautiiful face.

Molly cocked his head and took a step forward, crowding Caleb against the door.

“Kiss me?” he said and Caleb couldn’t refuse.

Chapter Text

From looking at Caleb a person might expect he kissed like a hesitant virgin. Molly knew better, and was more than happy to gather more evidence. Molly pressed Caleb against the door, hands resting on on his waist. Caleb kissed back, fierce and hungry. He ran his tongue across the sharp points of Molly’s teeth.

Molly wanted him so badly.

He made himself pull back. Caleb had sounded like he had something specific in mind, and while Molly would have no problems blowing him against this door, he wanted to let Caleb take the lead for now.

“Your texts suggested you had something to show me.” He pressed his thigh between Caleb’s legs, where Caleb was already half hard. Just from kissing Molly. It gave Molly a thrill to know he could do that.

“Ja. Would you - would you come into the bedroom with me?”

He was always so polite. It made Molly’s chest ache sweetly.

“Of course. Anything you want,” he said, and meant it.

“Shoes off first,” Caleb said.

“I remember.” He smiled as he took his cute little ankle boots off and left them by the door. Wouldn’t do to let Caleb see just how sweet on him Molly was.

Caleb seemed giddy, nervous. He took Molly by the hand and led him into the bedroom.

It was a very Caleb bedroom. Molly hadn’t really been able to focus on it last time, but he could manage a look now. It was comfortable without being remotely stylish, lots of warm neutrals. There were books everywhere, piled up in unsteady towers on every surface. At least four he could see had bookmarks in them.

Frumpkin was curled up asleep on the centre of the bed. He lifted his head and made a noise like ‘mrrrurrrp?’.

“Ah,” Caleb said, blushing. “I’m sorry. I should have planned better -”

“Caleb. I knew you had a cat when you came over. But can you move him? It’ll weird me out to have sex while he’s watching.”

Frumpkin blinked his huge yellow green eyes one after the other.

There was a brief pause while Caleb picked Frumpkin up and carried him out of the room. Molly fille the time by taking off his shirt and undoing his jeans (both at the front and the little above-tail fastening) and arranging himself on the bed in an alluring fashion.

Caleb shut the door and stood against it, just looking at Molly. Molly stretched out and trailed one claw down at the zipper of his jeans.

“They’re too tight,” he said with a mock pout. “Help me get them off, Caleb.”

Caleb made a noise in the back of his throat. His posture changed and he practically stalked towards the bed, his soft brown cardigan coming off as he did. If more people knew that Caleb could be like this, there’d be a line outside his door all hours of the day.

Caleb crawled onto the bed, above Molly, and bent for another kiss. Molly pushed up into it, slipping his tongue into Caleb’s mouth. Caleb’s left hand ghosted over his chest, barely brushing his nipples, and down his stomach to the waistband and undone fly button of his jeans.

He toyed with the zipper tab, but made no move to actually unzip.

“You gonna tease, huh? You gonna tease me?”

“I don’t know,” Caleb said in his throaty voice. His sex voice. Caleb had a sex voice and Molly got to hear it. It made him want to sing. It made him want to laugh.

Caleb undid his zipper. The fabric parted to reveal a sliver of the surprise he’d put on before leaving the house. A pair of green silk knickers, very expensive, very lovely. Molly hoped that Caleb would like them when he got to see all of them.

So far he seemed to like just the little he could see. He had stopped breathing, just for a second.

He ran the tip of one finger over the silk.

“Very -” he swallowed. “Very nice.”

Then he shuffled down and pressed a close-mouthed kiss to the front of the silk, right on Molly’s pubic mound. Molly gasped and pushed his hips up.

Caleb tucked his fingertips into the waistband of Molly’s jeans and tried to pull them down. Tried being the operative word - Molly’s jeans were still wet, and they stuck to his thighs and hips. Caleb looked up with a mildly panicked expression and Molly couldn’t help it; he laughed. After a second. Caleb laughed too, snorting inelegantly.

“Let me help you,” Molly said. Between them they got his jeans off and then he was there, on Caleb’s cream sheets. Naked except for the green knickers, and sprawled under Caleb who was… still fully dressed. His erection was obvious behind the fly of his trousers. There was something about this that felt hot and dirty all at once.

Caleb’s gaze was hungry.

“I have never been more glad of my memory,” he said.

That - wow. The idea that Caleb was committing this to his photographic memory, that he wanted to remember Molly like this forever, that the sight of Molly was worth remembering forever - It made Molly’s heart ache and his cunt twitch, it made him wet and it made him happy.

Caleb trailed his finger down the knickers again. He pressed down at the crotch, where Molly had already soaked through the fabric, over Molly’s clit.

“I am discovering so many new things about myself,” he said in a wondering voice.

“Well - well that was the point, yeah?” Molly said, tail thwapping on the bed.

Caleb gave him an unreadable look.

“Ja,” he said. “It was.”

He looked back down at Molly.

“I really like these,” Caleb said, almost shyly. “I like them on you. They almost make me want to change my plans but ah - I like my plans.”

“Tell me your plans.” Molly was more than eager to hear them.

“I did some research.” Caleb’s finger on Molly’s clit was maddening. Not enough pressre or friction to do anything, just enough to distract. “And I read that horns and tails are very sensitive.”

“Oh - they are - ah -”

“I would like to try something, if you permit?”

How could he be so calm with his fucking dick so hard? It was really doing something for Molly, that smooth calmness. He’d make a great dom, Molly thought, and cursed himself for the thought an instant later. The chances of him getting to test that out were tiny.

“Yes - fuck -”

Caleb took his hand from Molly’s clit and Molly whined, but after only a second has hands - so good and clever - were on his tail and his left horn. The touches were curious, exploraty. Not earth-shattering, not yet, but good. Pleasant.

Caleb had the little frown he got when he was concentrating. Studying.

“Not quite,” he muttered to himself. He ran his hand down Molly’s tail, to the tip, and then he - he squeezed the tail tip.

Yeah, that was it. Molly moaned and twisted his hands into fists in the sheets.Caleb hummed under his breath, then - oh, so clever, those hands - started massaging the skin at the base of his horn.

Molly shouted.

“I wonder if you could come from just this?”

“There’s - ah - a first time for everything -”

Caleb made a considering noise, then took Molly’s tail to his mouth. It felt so good, sending hot shivery wanting all through his body. His cunt clenched down on nothing and his clit throbbed. He was distantly aware he was making some kind of incoherent noises but he didn’t care. He was close. Just from this. It was - Caleb sucked on the tail tip and it was like he’d sucked directly on Molly’s clit. Molly’s hips bucked and with a loud cry, he came.

He slumped back onto the bed, mouth open. He thought he might be drooling. He was honestly astonished he’d not gone blind from the force of that. And he’d never got fully undressed, even.

He blinked up at Caleb above him, who looked very smug and pleased with himself.

“You,” Molly said. “You absolute - get a condom on that dick and fuck me immediately.”

Caleb didn’t even bother to undress all the way. He unzipped his trousers and rolled a condom on. Molly wiggled his underpants off and spread his legs wide and obscene and Caleb crawled between them. He let Molly rest his legs on Caleb’s shoulders, folding him backwards, leaving him open, before he fed his cock into Molly’s cunt in one hard slide.

This time he was fast. This time he was borderline rough. Molly loved it, loved how hard Caleb fucked him, loved how spread out he was under Caleb’s body. He rubbed at his clit as Caleb fucked him with single-minded focus and came again, quieter and softer, just moments before Caleb made a choked sounded grunt against Molly’s neck. He thrust a few more times, gasping and uncoordinated, before he collapsed next to Molly.

Molly rolled over to kiss Caleb through the aftershocks.

Finally, Molly thought he could speak again.

“That was amazing,” he said. “No-one has ever done that for me before.”

“No-one?” Caleb sounded shocked. “Not one of your lovers bothered?”

Molly shrugged. “Well, you know. I mainly - it’s mainly one night stands, not like anyone sticks around long enough to want to make that kind of effort. And I have a good time without it. It’s fine.”

Caleb stroked his hair out of his face with a finger.

“Molly,” he said.

“No, really. All I ask of the people I go to bed with is that we all try to have fun, you know? You are - well. There’s never been anyone like you before.”

“Still.”

“I’m good with whatever my partner’s into, usually.”

Caleb’s hand was still on his face. Caleb’s eyes were soft, and he had a subtle little smile. It felt good. Molly shouldn’t let it feel good. He shouldn’t trick himself into thinking this was more than it could ever be. This would have to be good enough, because it was all he could have.

He closed his eyes and turned his face into Caleb’s hand and kissed his palm.

“Molly,” Caleb said. “You deserve - you deserve so much.”

He shouldn’t say those things. He couldn’t. Oh, Caleb was going to break his heart, he knew it. He knew it, and yet he was going to keep doing whatever Caleb needed anyway. Because he loved him, he loved him, and he was never going to stop.

Chapter Text

Molly sat up in Caleb’s bed. Caleb was allowed to look, he thought, considering the circumstances. Molly’s scars across his chest, including the ones under his pectorals - they were beautiful. Some people may not have thought so, but Caleb knew the value of surviving.

Molly’s hair was rumpled, because Caleb and Molly had fucked. Again.

“I should go,” Molly said.

No. No.

“You don’t need to. You could stay.”

Molly made a noise, not quite a laugh.

“Caleb, darling. You are very sweet, but in case you have future one night stands with people who aren’t me -”

Caleb didn’t think that would be likely.

“ - The only times a one nighter or booty call stays over is because it’s too late or they’re too drunk to go home. It’s generally polite to get out of someone’s space pretty early. No-one wants a stranger floating around the kitchen, rummaging through their fridge.”

“You aren’t a stranger. You are my friend.”

Molly was quiet, for a moment. “True enough. But they won’t all be. I’m just - you’ve already been far sweeter than -” He sighed. “You don’t need to be so delicate with me. I am well aware that when we’ve both had our fun, I should go home. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I want to be kind, Molly,” Caleb said. “I wanted - I want. If this was just about… some anonymous body I could have done that. But I went to bed with you because I like you, and I know you, and I trust you to be kind to me. So why not be kind to you.”

Molly still looked away from him. He made a quiet noise under his breath.

“Oh, Caleb,” he said. “You have been.” He sounded a little flat, tired. “I really should go, though.”

Caleb didn’t like the idea, at all. Sending Molly out, into the dark, after this? What kind of man would he be? But maybe - maybe Caleb was a bad bedmate. Maybe Molly didn’t want to stay and cuddle.

He swallowed his hurt, his pride.

“If it is my bed that is the problem,” he said, resorting to formality as he always did when feelings were too complicated, “you could sleep in the spare room. The one that used to be Notts. I put fresh sheets there every week. It is always ready for guests.”

Molly just shook his head. “Darling,” he said. “You really are the sweetest, kindest man.”

“Then why won’t you stay?” an awful thought struck him. “Did I do something wrong?”

Molly finally turned to look at him.

“No, Caleb, no. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You were amazing, utterly amazing, I’ve had such a good time. I just -” Molly closed his eyes. His eyeliner and mascara were smudged. “I snore, you know?” he said in an obvious attempt at lightness. “And you don’t even have makeup remover wipes and I have to do my face to stay pretty.”

Caleb took Molly’s hand and turned it over in his own, looking at the lines on the palm, the two filed down claws that made him blush now he knew a little more.

“You always look pretty,” he said.

“And besides,” Molly said, talking fast. “We’ll see each other Wednesday. For game night? It’s at Beau and Fjords this week, so.”

“Wednesday,” Caleb echoed. He didn’t want Molly to leave, but how could he keep him here? Molly was the freest being he knew. Trying to control him would be like trying to control a natural force.

“Alright,” he said. He had therapy tomorrow, anyway, it might be best if he could get a good night’s sleep; “Alright. But this time I will pay for your taxi, and this is not paying for your services, I am just being a good friend.”

“I was teasing when I said that, you know.” The smile was back on Molly’s face.

Caleb knew. “I know.”

He watched, feeling awkward and unhappy, while Molly got out of bed, naked arse a bright splash of beautiful colour in his cream and white room, watched him fish out his phone and call a taxi, watched as he dressed, watched him.

There was the added awkwardness of the taxi money.

When Molly was fully dressed he lifted a hand.

“See you Wednesday,” he said.

“See you Wednesday,” Caleb echoed, still naked and alone in sheets that smelled of Molly, and of sex, and of things that weren’t Caleb alone in his solitary sleep.

Molly left to wait outside for the taxi and Caleb -

Well, hadn’t this been exactly want he wanted? Uncomplicated, straight forward.

He’d wanted experience in something unknown to him, with someone he liked and trusted, someone who knew how to do what he did not. He’d got exactly that. He was pretty sure now that he wasn’t straight, and he was now free to consider that at his leisure. He’d wanted a one night stand, and he’d got two.

So why did he feel so strange? Why was he so sad?

He should take it to his therapist, but he didn’t want to. He was worried what she might say.

-

He didn’t tell his therapist. He did tell her a version of the truth, not quite sure why he was concealing things. He told her he’d had an experience, and that was he was certain he wasn’t heterosexual.

It was a good session, but at the end she said to him - “Caleb, I think there’s something you aren’t telling me. I hope you feel you can be open about whatever it is soon.”

And he could say nothing, because he had decided that one night stands with good friends that got repeated weren’t a thing that he should tell her. He’d put a lot of thought into it and there was no reason for him to feel anything but good about it.

He went home and he stripped his dirty sheets off, and put new ones on. The bed looked very empty. Without knowing why, he pulled the dirty sheets out of the hamper and pressed his nose to them. He took a deep breath, catching the remnants of Molly’s perfume, and the smell of sex.

-

On Wednesday he got to Fjord and Beau’s dead on time, which meant he was first there.

“Doors open, asshole,” Beau yelled when he knocked. She was playing a videogame when he came in.

“We’re gonna order out,” she said. “Chinese good by you? We’ll go for the place that has that dish you like. Fjord’s down the shop for some cheap snacks.”

“Thank you, Beau,” he said. He sat down next to her, where he could see the door. It opened, and his heart beat faster, and slowed again when it was Nott. He was not disappointed. How could he ever be disappointed in seeing his Nott?

“Caleb!” she said. She sat herself down on the sofa arm next to him. “How are you? How’s work? Have you been remembering to eat? Taking your meds?”

“Ja, ja, mutter,” Caleb said, laughing. “You saw me Sunday. Not much has changed in three days.”

“I worry about you! Because I love you!”

“Gross,” Beau said.

The door again, and again his heart beat, and again it wasn’t Molly. Not that he was waiting just for Molly. He was looking forward to seeing all of his friends. This time it was Fjord, a backpack on his back. He raised a hand at Caleb and Nott and disappeared into the kitchen.

Next were Jester and Clay, Jester talking fast and Caly barely talking at all, bent down toward her with a gentle smile on his face.

Molly was close to Beau and Fjords place. A ten minute walk. Why was he so late? Maybe Caleb had messed up and Molly wouldn’t come, maybe Molly didn’t want to see Caleb, maybe -

“Earth to Cay-leb,” Jester said right into his face.

“Ja, sorry. What did you say?”

“Asking how you’ve been!”

“It was a week,” Caleb said. “I went to work. I went to therapy. I cuddled my cat. I watched some TV.” He felt irritated in a way he couldn’t place.

“OK!” she said, irrepressibly bright.

“Is Molly coming? He is late -”

“Oh, he texted me, something about a queue in the shops?”

Oh, Ok. Molly wasn’t mad at him.

Then the door opened once more and Caleb’s world went bright and hopeful. He was full of a kind of fizzing, jittery energy.

Molly strode in, letting the door close behind him and pulled a ridiculous pose.

“I come bearing alcohol,” he said. “Not enough to ruin your work days, don’t worry you boring people with proper jobs.”

He looked good. Molly always looked good. He had his hair half up, and curls fell down to frame his face. Little green and blue sparkly pins kept it in place. Combined with the leggings that looked like scales and the loose asymmetrical tunic, the whole look was -

“Dude,” Beau said. “You look like a gay mermaid.”

Caleb had been thinking Siren, but alright.

“Thank you, Beau, that was exactly what I was going for.”

Molly rummaged in the plastic bag.

“OK, let’s see. I have premixed cocktails in the can - vodka cranberry for Nott and Sex on The Beach for Jester -”

Jester whooped.

“I’ve got beers for the beer people. Fjord, come here and get yours. Beau, I think I forgot to get you something, it’s funny, I could barely remember you existed in the store -” but he handed her over a brown bottle anyway. “And Caleb, I found something I thought was very you. It’s some German real ale, Aldi had a deal on them.”

He smiled as he handed it over. Their fingertips touched on the bottle. Caleb’s whole sense of his body was in those fingertips, in the heat as they brushed Molly’s.

“And Caddy - I got you that weird floral shit you like.”

“Alcoholic dandelion and burdock?”

“Yeah, that stuff. Tastes like cough medicine to me.”

They each had enough to enjoy the evening but not enough to get drunk on. In this Molly was thoughtful despite his seeming casual attitude. Caleb smiled stupidly at his drink.

He tracked Molly as Molly moved around before settling in a loud flump on the floor, the far side of the sofa. Too far from Caleb for private conversation, for touch. Which was alright, because Caleb didn’t need that from Molly. He could talk to Molly normally, because Molly was his friend.

So often Game night was an excuse to get together and socialise midweek, to keep together despite their lives getting in the way. Tonight was no different, apparently, with people playing a video game together but otherwise just talking and laughing. Caleb did his best to keep up his end of the conversation, but inevitably he would spot Molly and would trail off, distracted by his jewellery, or his smile, or by the expansive movements of his hands and tail.

At one point Nott tapped him on the shoulder.

“Are you alright? You seem distracted.”

“Ja,” Caleb said. He shook his head. “I am in my own little world tonight. You know how I can be.”

“Hmm,” Nott said, obviously not convinced. He was going to have to be more careful. Whatever this feeling was he wanted to keep it safe, protected. He wanted it to be his alone for a little while. He loved his friends but they could be very bad with privacy.

The takeaway came, and Molly and Jester vanished into the kitchen to get plates. Caleb wanted to be in there, so he went too, to talk to his two favourite Tieflings.

Jester was making sex jokes and Molly was laughing, and Caleb was content to stand behind Molly, looking at the curve of his neck, listening to his voice rise and fall. It was the most content he’d been all evening. He laughed a little when Jester did, and then she flounced out, taking plates with her and it was just him and Molly.

Molly turned to him and smiled and it struck Caleb that he really wanted to kiss Molly. That kissing Molly had quickly become one of his favourite things to do. And Molly’s mouth was so close, so lovely.

He leant in, and Molly leant in too, and Molly’s mouth was open on his, and his tongue was in Molly’s mouth. He walked Molly back against the counter, his hand was on Molly’s hip, his other on Molly’s face. His lips tingled, the slide of them against Molly’s was addictive. Molly’s mouth was the sweetest taste he knew. He stroked his thumb across Molly’s cheekbone. Time and place both vanished, and all that mattered was this, now.

He did have to breathe, so he pulled back to do so.

Molly’s eyes fluttered open, the red gleam fixed on him. Molly licked his lips and glanced at the open kitchen door. No-one had come to check on them.

“Molly,” Caleb said. “What are we doing?”

Molly pulled a strange face. He looked uncertain, vulnerable. “I don’t know, Caleb. You’re the one who kissed me.”

“I know,” Caleb said. “I just -”

There was a loud group cheer from the living room. Molly started and took his hands off Caleb’s hips. Caleb cleared his throat and stepped away.

“We should -” Molly said. He turned away from Caleb and twisted his fingers into the hem of his tunic.

“Molly,” Caleb said, then stopped. He had no idea what he wanted to say, only that it was important he said something.

Molly opened his mouth and closed it again. He shook his head.

“Look,” he said. “I think -”

Which was when Jester poked her head round the door.

“Stop gossiping, you two, and come and play! You won’t get any food.”

Molly turned round and his face was bright and cheery again. Caleb might have imagined it had been anything else. “Can’t have me wasting away into nothing. Who’d annoy Beau?”

Molly tucked his arm around Jester’s elbow and she giggled. As they left the kitchen Molly glanced over his shoulder at Caleb.

Caleb - there was this absolute mess inside his head. He didn’t understand what was going on, what he was doing. He just knew he felt good around Molly, had done for a very long time. Molly made him feel safe, warm, content. Kissing him had seemed like such a good idea with his mouth right there, but now -

He’d thought he had a handle on what was happening between them. But this was new and strange and he didn’t understand it at all. More and more he was sure he’d made some kind of mistake, or misstep, and now he was in a place with no map and no guide.

He walked into the living room and ate his food without tasting it. He stayed quiet and watched Jesters character beat Fjords character up on the screen.

Perhaps it would be better if that was the last of it? If Molly and he stopped there on that one confused kiss and he kept the friendship that meant so much to him?

But he didn’t want to stop there. A small voice in his heart rebelled at the thought. He wanted more, and more. He wanted Molly kissing him, he wanted Molly touching him, he wanted Molly sleeping in his bed, he wanted Molly holding his hand, he wanted Molly - oh.

It was a quiet realisation, had in an awkward moment. It was not a sudden fall, or a strike of lighting. He simply looked over at Molly and listened to himself for once in his life.

He was in love. He had been for a year.

Well.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Jester’s Harem

Jester:

Heeey, Cayleb, are you ok? Nott says you might be sick? I’m sorry we didn’t notice last night! Do you need soup?

Nott:

I will make him soup if he needs soup.

Caleb:

I am well. I am at work.

Jester:

Did you have a bad day? Did one of us do something wrong? You need to be able to trust us and tell us, we can do better!!!

Fjord:

Leave the man be, Jes. He can be quiet sometimes without it being a disaster.

Molly sighed and put the phone down. He had clients to read for, money to make. He should stop watching the group chat. He should stop waiting for a text from Caleb. He was just hoping for - an explanation, or something.

He didn’t think Caleb was being deliberately confusing. It was just - he was saying one thing - oh, just this once, Molly, and just this once more, this is nothing - and he acted completely differently. Soft and sweet, kissing him in kitchens. Boyfriendly, for lack of a better word. Not that Molly’d know. It wasn’t like he dated. He was a good time guaranteed, a casual fuck-about. He loved that, loved being that, but his lack of experience and understanding was biting him hard now.

He didn’t know what to do about this.

He’d tried to read for himself early this morning, but the cards had been as confused as he was, and it’d been no help at all.

He didn’t expect Caleb to love him back. He wouldn’t demand it, or anything. He was perfectly alright loving him quietly and secretly forever if he had to. He’d give Caleb anything he asked, but he did want clarity.

That didn’t seem so much to ask.

He started the process of talking himself out of his hurt. It wasn’t fair of him to expect this, he was being unreasonable. It wasn’t like he’d asked for it, or said anything. Caleb had asked for casual and it wasn’t like Molly had argued.

His phone buzzed and he jumped up, but it wasn’t Caleb. It was a client. He shook out his hands and put it all to the back of his mind, shuffled his cards, and began to read.

-

He was tired by the end of the day. He’d been very busy, and his energy had drained more with each one. It was good he could work from home, because he just wanted to sprawl out on his bed and close his eyes, not think.

Because when he thought, he thought of Caleb. It was infuriating how much mental space he took up.

Molly had never meant to fall in love with him.

When Molly’d come to town it had just been him and Yasha. Then he met a pretty and loud Tiefling in a gay bar, and they’d become fast friends. He learned soon enough that she gathered people to her, all the waifs and strays.

Caleb had been both a waif and a stray, and an absolute mess on top of that. Jester never did say how she’d met him, he just started showing up sometimes, on his good days. Even on those good days he’d been anxious to the point of terror, far too thin, and often dirty. Molly had felt pity, a little recognition of a similar time in his own life. Nothing more.

He was hardly the only mess in that little group.

But over time he got better. Two years it took, two years of filling out and easing up. Two years of intensive therapy and good friends and healing. The first time he laughed had shocked and delighted them all. He turned out to have a desert-dry sense of humour, a quick and able mind, and a scarred but generous heart.

Molly had fallen so slow he hadn’t even noticed it, until one day just over a year ago. It had been such a simple thing, but it had been devastating.

Caleb could do magic. He didn’t, much, preferring not to become one of those wizards who relied on it for everything, but he could and he was good. Molly liked to watch him when he did, and that should have been a clue things were off kilter.

They’d all been at the beach. Caleb covered up at the beach, the closest he got to swimwear was a pair of shorts. His legs so pale they were blinding. Molly in a pair of super small, tight swimming shorts. They’d been playing like kids, splashing each other with water, dumping it out of buckets onto each other, shrieking. People had been looking at them. Caleb sitting in a deck chair with suncream thick on his face and a book in his hands. Beau ahd picked Molly up and dumped him in the sea, laughing and crowing.

Molly had trudged out of the sea, flipping her the bird, sand and seaweed clinging to him. He’d complained, not seriously, to Caleb about sand in his sheets later, and forgotten about it in seconds.

But before they all went home, before Molly went to bed, Caleb quietly use presditdgidation to get every grain of sand off his skin, even the ones between his toes.

This small gesture towards Molly’s comfort had been it, had been enough. He’d been in love by the time he got to bed.

He’d never been in love before. He’d hoped it would pass, that it would realise it was a hopeless, doomed thing and just die off. He hated being in love with Caleb, because he knew that Caleb would never love him back and the knowledge hurt.But the love didn’t die, it just settled deeper down into his heart, making a home inside him.

Like so much, he learned to live with it. He could go places Caleb was - group meals, parties, game night - and not stare like a helpless child. He learned to not show even a hint of his feelings, though he never could stop flirting.

He learned, and he lived, and he coped, but stupid as he was the second Caleb offered him even the faintest echo of what he actually wanted, he jumped at it. Because wasn’t something better than nothing?

He knew now, what Caleb looked like naked, when he came. Molly knew Caleb’s skin against his own, the rhythm of his heartbeat, the music of his breathing. He knew Caleb’s sweet, soft smile, and his kindness. Both of those things were a sweetly vicious ache. They made him love Caleb more, but they weren’t really for him. They couldn’t be. Caleb would be that way for anyone in his bed.

Molly wasn’t special, not one bit, not beyond being Caleb’s friend.

The laughable thing was this was the closest thing he’d ever had to a relationship. He’d never felt the lack before.

He needed to stop thinking about this. He needed to stop… whatever was going on with Caleb, but he wouldn’t. He knew himself, and he’d take these scraps.

His phone rang. He answered without looking.

“Lo?”

“Molly.” Caleb’s voice. He might have hated himself for the thump of his heart, if he had cared. “I - It is good - I - How are you?”

“I’m fine, Caleb.” Liar. “Is this a social call? Ooh, are you finally taking me up on the shopping trip idea? You could do with a little colour in your wardrobe -”

“No, no. I - I wanted. “ He breathed out in a long sigh. “I found one of your horn jewels in my bedroom. I could bring it round?”

“I live an hour’s walk from you,” Molly said. He focussed on the slick solidity of his phone in his hand, on the rich colour of his burgundy bedsheets.

“I -” Caleb said. There was a long pause. “I want to see you. Can - I want - last night -” he said the last in almost a whisper. Right. Didn’t want anyone to know they fucked. Had to whisper it, no matter where he was. “I know I said I wanted just one - just one time, but -”

“Well,” Molly said, “I think we already know that was bullshit. I know I’m good in bed, but not so good you’d get like that about it -”

“Could we keep doing it?” Caleb blurted out. “Please. I want to say this to your face, there are things to explain -”

“Oh no, darling, no need to explain. You want, what, then?”

Silence. In it, he could hear Caleb breathing. It reminded him fiercely of Caleb’s breath on his neck, Caleb’s cock inside him.

“You,” Caleb said.

“Which is why you kissed me,” Molly said, wanting to push, wanting - oh. “Last night, in our friends kitchen. Because you want me.”

Caleb laughed. “Why else?”

To fuck with my head. But Caleb wasn’t so cruel, Molly was sure of it.

“Fuck knows why anyone does anything. I mean, you say you want more. More sex, I assume?”

“I - yes?”

Molly bowled on ahead, almost on the point of panic.

“Alright, that’s something I could do -”

“Molly,” Caleb’s voice was very quiet, and Molly couldn’t read it. “Molly, you wouldn’t want - something serious? I just -”

Molly surprised himself with a laugh. “Don’t worry darling, I know what I’m best for. Hardly the serious type, am I? No, nothing needs to change on that side.”

More silence.

“Oh,” Caleb said. “Right. Ok.”

“Here’s what I propose,” Molly said, fast, his claws biting into his palm, his ear hot from the phone.”We keep fucking when we’re both horny, with no hard feelings when either of us move on. We stay friends.”

“Yes. I want very much to stay your friend.”

“Good. Great. Good to hear from you Caleb. Glad we could be clear about this.”

“Ja. Ja, it was very good.”

“I can come round for the jewellery some time tomorrow, if you want.”

“Yes. That seems best.”

“Bye Caleb.” I love you.
Molly hung up before he could say anything that stupid.

He wrapped himself up in his duvet, still fully dressed, and wished he had a cat to cuddle like Caleb did.

Ah well, Yasha would be here in a few days. Caleb might want this kept secret, but Yasha was always good for a cuddle.

He really needed a cuddle.

Chapter Text

Caleb didn’t know how to do friends with benefits. Molly had made it sound so easy, and easy was good, even though he had wanted - well. What did it matter what he’d wanted, when he couldn’t have it? Surely it was better, healthier, to see what he was given and enjoy it as best he could. His therapist was always telling him not to focus on could have and should have and all such things.

He had a friend who would have sex with him. That was, in fact, probably a little better than his previous relationship. It had ended poorly, and now he was better and healthier, he could recognise it had begun so, too.

Molly did, in fact, come round to pick up his jewellery. Caleb suspected it was as much pretence and excuse as it had been for him. He stood at Caleb’s door, smile easy, hand outstretched, and oh. He was so lovely, even in the artificial light that robbed him of the more complex tints of his colours.

Caleb swallowed. “Won’t you come in?”

Molly did. And as soon as the door was closed, Molly was kissing him with heartaching tenderness, tail wrapped around Caleb’s leg.

This was real. This was, was - something. Molly’s hand gentle on his hip, lips soft against Caleb’s own. Caleb let his own hand trail down to wrap his fingers around Molly’s wrist, feel the pulse built under the skin.

Now that Caleb knew he was in love, it felt different. Every move, every breath, ever sigh was perfect. Each touch something he couldn’t say in words. He rubbed his thumb in small circles against the small of Molly’s back, on the bare skin above his tail.

Molly broke the kiss to bury his head against Caleb’s neck and whine, soft and needy. His hot tongue ran a line up Caleb’s sensitive throat, and just like that the pleasant background hum of desire roared into full-blown life.

Caleb pulled Molly tighter against him, rocked his hips so Molly could feel his hardening cock. He rucked Molly’s shirt up further to let his hand roam warm bare skin. Molly’s hand worked down Caleb’s body, skipping shirt to get straight to jean fly. His fingers were trembling and fumbling on Caleb’s zip, so Caleb took pity and helped him. Between them his jeans were unzipped, and then Caleb’s hard cock was in Molly’s wonderful hand.

Caleb gasped.

“Ah - Molly -”

“Shh,” Molly said, and nipped at his lower lip. “I’m going to show you such a good time, darling.”

Molly kissed him again, hard and lingering, lots of tongue, and all the while he stroked Caleb root to tip.

Then he lowered himself down to his knees, on eye level with Caleb’s erection. Caleb swallowed. Molly pulled a condom from his pocket - he must have planned this and that was amazing to think of - and rolled it on. He looked up at Caleb, eyes a red glow through his thik, dark lashes, and pressed a chaste kiss to the tip of Caleb’s cock.

Caleb’s dick flexed under the latex and Molly chuckled, all low and throaty. He pressed the flat of his tongue to the shaft of Caleb’s dick and ran it all the way up. Show and flash and it made Caleb’s knees buckle under the sheer force of arousal. Molly’s mouth was hot, and he used it well, making up for the muted sensations from the condom with perfect friction and pressure.

“Oh - Oh Gods, Molly, you look -”

Molly pulled off his cock, all that heat and pressure gone. “Hmm, love. Tell me how I look. I want to hear it.”

Caleb had never really indulged in dirty talk. He’d thought - fantasised - but neither of his exes had been keen on the idea. Still, he would try. For Molly.

“S-suck my cock, and I’ll tell you,” he managed.

Molly moaned, and swallowed Caleb’s cock down.

Caleb swallowed and took a deep breath.

“You - you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He felt awkward and exposed, but if the way Molly moaned was an indication, he was doing alright. A little more confident, he continued.

“You belong here,” he said. “On your knees. Pleasing me. Oh, Molly.” He let his head fall back against the door. It was easier to say these things with his eyes closed. “Your mouth feels so good. You were made for this. You’re so - you’re perfect.” His hand found a home in Molly’s hair. Molly’s own covered it and tightened the grip. When Caleb pulled on those silky purple curls, Molly groaned so deep and loud it was almost primal.

Molly went faster, and deeper, and, fuck, fuck, his throat. His throat. Caleb’s dick was all the way down his throat and he could feel the muscles there contract and pulse.

“Molly! Ah, bitte, Molly.” He was just letting himself ramble now, not caring. “So pretty, so perfect, perfect little cocksucker - ah -” and he lost himself, dipping into filthy Zemnian that Molly couldn’t possibly understand.

Molly sucked and swallowed in one movement, and that was enough, Caleb’s hips bucked and he shouted and came. It was like being hit by a truck. His knees went and he landed hard on his arse on the floor, his vision blurred. He wasn’t there for a little while, swept up in intensity.

He came back to himself sprawled against his door, softening cock still wet and condom-clad, poking out of his jeans obscene and used. Molly had his arms around Caleb and that warmth and comfort was almost as good as the orgasm had been.

“You are- very good at that,” Caleb said, when he’d got his breath back.

“Apparently so,” Molly said into his ear.

Caleb tightened his grip on Molly and pulled him onto his lap. He let his fingers play with the fly on Molly’s… trouser things.

“Can I?” he murmured.

Molly shifted his hips. “Please,” he said, his eyes hot. Caleb undid him and dipped his fingers into Molly’s underpants. The angle was difficult, a strain on the wrist, but he would have rather almost anything else than moving Molly off his lap right now.

He found Molly soaking wet. His first, exploratory stroke had Molly sighing and tipping his head back, revealing that beautiful, tattooed neck.Remembering Molly’s reaction to his clumsy dirty talk, he decided to try a little more.

“You’re so wet for me,” he said. “So turned on.”

“That’s just - oh - what you do to me -.”

“I like it,” Caleb said. He found Molly’s entrance and rubbed against it, his thumb on Molly’s clit.” “It feels good.”

“Yeah,” Molly said, the word all lazy with wanting. “Yeah, it does.” He shifted a little and Calebs finger breached his entrance. Molly sighed.

The angle was truly, truly terrible. But Caleb did his best. Molly fucked down onto the fingers that were barely inside, Caleb worked his thumb on Molly’s erect and sensitive clit. He kept his eyes open and on Molly’s face, the slowly closing eyes, the open mouth. The darker purple across his cheeks, down his throat. The way his curls bounced as he moved, how strands stuck to the sheen of sweat across him.

This was beautiful. This was precious. This was a jewel of a moment.

“I want you to come for me,” Caleb begged. “Oh, Molly. Come for me, bitte, mein Schatz.”

“Yes, yes,” Molly chanted under his breath. “A little more, please, Caleb. Gods, your hands.”

Said hands were cramping terribly. Caleb would not stop now, even if continuing killed him.

“AH- fuck - gods -” and then a broken moan, Molly’s pussy fluttering around his fingers. Caleb stared up into Molly’s pleasure-blissed face, utterly lost.

“Fuck, Molly said again, breathing hard. And then. “Fuck,” again, a little quieter. He rested his forehead on Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb pulled his hand out of Molly’s trousers with some difficulty, and enjoyed the harsh breathing against his throat.

After a bit, Caleb’s back and hips were aching.

“Can we get up? Move to the sofa, maybe?”

“Oh,” Molly said. “You want me to stay?”

Caleb frowned down at the top of Molly’s head. “Yes?”

There was no response,and Caleb rushed with more words to fix it. The right words could fix anything.

“Of course I want you to stay. We’re friends.”

“...OK.”

Molly looked into Caleb’s face. His mouth curved in a little half-smile and his eyes were soft. Caleb should have stopped himself - he was sure his whole heart was naked in his face - but he reached out to cradle Molly’s cheek.

“You -” he said, and stopped.

“Me?”

Caleb looked away from the unbearable wonder of Molly’s face.”You’re heavy.”

Molly laughed. “I bet.” He nuzzled into Caleb’s palm for a moment before getting himself to his feet. His fly still hung open, revealing another pair of pretty underpants.

“You ought to, uh, tuck yourself back in.”

Caleb blushed and rearranged himself, taking off the condom and zipping his dick back into his jeans. To cover up his awkwardness, he kept up a conversation.

“What are those trousers?”

“These,” Molly said, with a haughty expression, “Are high-waisted pleather jeggings, and they are fashion. And they make my arse look amazing.”

Caleb snuck a look. “They do that, ja.”

Molly zipped himself up, and Caleb mourned the little triangle of gold satin that had been there, just for him to see and think of.

Molly flung himself on Caleb’s sofa. His hair was mussed and his lips a little swollen. Aside from that you’d not be able to tell Caleb had his fingers inside Molly just a few minutes ago. Caleb, however, felt utterly marked. A love so huge should be visible. He lifted his hand to his face, and he could catch the faintest scent of Molly’s come.

He blushed. Was that weird of him? To love the taste and smell of his - of Molly?

He had so many thoughts. Too many. And there was Molly, on his sofa. Like a - like a friend. Like a lover. He looked right there, comfortable. He was smiling up at Caleb and Caleb loved that smile. The best smile, in the most important face.

He didn’t want to get this wrong. Every step now seemed primed for disaster. The wrong move could rob him of even this incomplete facsimile of what he wanted.

“What would you like to watch?”

Molly hummed under his breath. “Show me one of your favourites,” he said. “And in return, you can come round my house, and I’ll make you watch Labyrinth while I quote every line from beginning to end.”

One of his favourites. Well. He had a good run in Zemnian expressionist films. He wasn’t sure Molly would like them, but he seemed willing to try.

He sat down next to Molly and started the film. Molly started off alert, trying to pay attention, to understand - but he gave up within half an hour. By the hour mark he was asleep, head pillowed in Caleb’s lap. His horns pressed against Caleb’s thigh and it hurt a little, but he looked so soft, so peaceful. Caleb stroked his hair and looked at his sleeping face.

When the film ended he kissed Molly on the forehead. Molly stirred, and his eyes squinted open, hazed and sleepy.

“Come to bed,” Caleb said. “You’ll get a back ache if you stay here.”

“S’ry,” Molly mumbled.”Didn’t sleep great last night.”

“It’s alright,” Caleb said. “Do - would you want to sleep in my bed, or in the spare?”

Molly’s eyes opened all the way. “Do you have - have a preference?”

Caleb did. “In mine,” he said, perfectly honest.

Molly smiled.

“Alright,” he said.

Alright it was then.

Chapter Text

Molly had to stop waking up naked in Caleb’s bed. It was a bad idea. He didn’t need anyone else to tell him that.

But it felt so good.

Caleb had curled up behind him, had one pyjama-clad arm over Molly’s waist. Molly lay on his back and looked. No-one to stop him looking, or to see what they shouldn’t in Molly’s face. Caleb’s eyes were closed and as he breathed out his lips pursed with little puffs of air. There were lines imprinted on his skin from the pillowcase.

Molly covered one of Caleb’s hands with his own. The fingers twitched under his. This all felt very… coupley. But he shouldn’t let himself get used to it. Caleb would find someone better to use this new knowledge on. Someone who he would bring around, and introduce them to, and kiss in public. Someone who would get all the little bits of him, all the quiet loving. Molly didn’t think Caleb would be loud with it, no public entwining of limbs, but this imaginary future lover would get the touches on the small of the back, the private smiles.

Molly just hoped this person deserved them.

He stroked the back of Caleb’s hand. He ought to get up. Get dressed. Go home. No matter how much he wanted to spend all day in this half-time between dawn and the sound of Caleb’s alarm clock.

He’d not slept last night at all. Too afraid to miss even a single snore. This time with Caleb was limited, and he wanted all of it.

Caleb had the bookstore to open, to work in. He’d do it and maybe not think of Molly at all, maybe not think of Molly until he wanted to get his dick sucked again. Molly would be stuck on thoughts of Caleb until he died, and that was just how it was going to be.

As he watched Caleb’s face twitched. Wakefulness snuck into it by degrees, the lines less soft. Finally his eyes opened, blinking away sleep and gazing at Molly in soft, morning confusion.

“Morgen,” he said.

“Morning,” Molly said, heart aching. This wasn’t really his. He was keeping it warm for someone else, someone Caleb wouldn’t want to keep secret.

Oh, good one on his brain. That one bit, took hold. Woke a tiny breath of some older shame, the stuff he’d worked so hard to undo and repair. To disbelieve.

“I should- “ Molly said. “You have work.”

“Not for a bit,” Caleb said. “I could - I could walk you to the bus?”

The thought of breakfasting with Caleb, of sharing his morning routine like Molly mattered at all, like Molly belonged there - it was terrible, and wonderful. It made him want to cry, and no-one wanted a cryer as their fuckbuddy. People wanted convenience and no messy feelings in the way.

“No,” he said almost at a whisper. “I -”

“Please? I would like it.”

Oh. Molly was weak. He couldn’t resist.

“...OK,” he said, and hoped it wouldn’t break his heart.

-

Caleb made him breakfast. Caleb grilled bacon and toast and scrambled eggs. Caleb hummed as he cooked, which was a revelation. Caleb in the blue-and-white striped pyjamas like something out of the 1930’s, except his hair was shoulder length and messy. Caleb’s bare feet, oddly vulnerable, oddly touching, flexing against the lino in the kitchen.

Molly tried not to fall deeper in love with Caleb because the man was barefoot in his own kitchen. Molly failed.

Caleb gave him his food, and Molly was hungry, so. And oh. Caleb had put little bits of chopped up feta into his scrambled eggs. They were really good. He ate everything, and felt - felt -

He didn’t know how he felt. Caleb’s blue eyes soft on his face. This wasn’t real. It wasn’t.

Be fun. Be cheerful. Don’t be difficult, Molly. Don’t need too much.

He smiled against the storm in his chest.

“Lovely,” he said. “You’ll make someone a great husband some day.”

Caleb dropped a plate. It smashed on the floor. The noise made Molly jump but he kept the smile on. He had to get out of here. He had to.

“I gotta -” he said. “ I’m sorry. I really need to leave.”

“Are you alright?”

“Perfectly. Never better.”

With a manic, fractured energy he got up and brushed himself down. His hands were shaking so he put them in his pockets. Oh, but he needed a hand to open the door. He couldn’t figure out how Caleb’s stupid door opened. Did the handle press down or up first? Did it have a trick to it?

“Molly.”

Did He have to do a magic spell? Was the flat enchanted? He needed to leave and get away from. From his heart, from his stupid, stupid needs -

“Molly.”

Caleb’s hand touched his on the door handle. Molly almost shrieked.

“You magic this thing shut, darling?”

“Molly, you are not alright.”

Panic made him cruel.

“It’s not like we’re dating, Caleb. You don’t get to know everything I’m thinking just because I suck your dick sometimes.”

Caleb pulled back, face shuttering flat. Well, it was true wasn’t it? Caleb didn’t get to cannibalise Molly, take all the bits out and look at them just to put them back wrong? It wasn’t like he really cared. Wasn’t like anyone did. Molly was just - meat, meat to fuck into, meat that could talk.

Meat left by the side of the road that no-one claimed.

“Please let me go,” Molly said. “I can’t breathe.”

Caleb stepped up again, face like stone, and opened the door. There was a little latch under the handle that you had to turn. Huh.

“I -”

“You will call me,” Caleb said in a flat tone. “When you are ready to… talk about this.”

“I will,” Molly said, and knew he was half lying.

He’d call. He wouldn’t explain.

Out, down the stairs two at a time heart pounding. Out into the air, late-summer morning, already too bright, leant against the wall. Breathing, breathing. Remember the breathing tricks. Remember. Breathe in, hold for three, breathe out, hold for three. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

There.

Not good. Not right. Shaking with the adrenal jump. But he could get to therapy. He could get home. He could survive til Yasha was here, he could do this.

Fuck. Well. He’d never have to worry about Caleb wanting fuck buddies and not his love again. Caleb wouldn’t even want him to be a friend now.

Somewhere he thought that this might not be true, but it seemed realer and truer than anything.

-

It took an entire therapy session to spin him down. Somehow in the whole thing he managed not to tell his therapist that this fuckbuddy was the same man as the Caleb he was in love with.

-

At home he lay in bed, looking at his phone, planning what to say and being too scared to call.

Eventually he fired off a text.

To: Caleb

sorry 4 freaking out like that. I get panic attacks sometimes. Nothing you did. Still friends?”

Then he turned his phone off, so he wouldn’t have to read the reply until he was a little less fragile.

He didn’t turn it back on for a full day.

-

When he did the group chat had blown up - he scrolled through, mostly just Jester flirting with Fjord and Beau posting gym selfies - and he had no less than six messages from Caleb.

From: Caleb

Molly,

Of course we are still friends. I do not know why you were so scared. I am sorry about your panic attacks. I have them too, sometimes. I wish you had said at the time.

Caleb.

Molly,

I hope you are getting some rest. Here is a picture of Frumpkin with his head upside down. I thought you might like it.

Caleb.

Molly

I saw this top on the way home from the book shop. It’s in the Oxfam. I think it would look good on you. I can buy it if you want and it’s still there.

Caleb.

Molly,

Have I done something wrong? Please tell me.

Caleb.

Molly,

Did Yasha arrive already? I’m sorry if I’ve been bothering you.

Caleb.

Are you alright? Please call.

That last message. No letter text there. Just worry.

As he read this last one, time stamped about two hours ago, his phone buzzed. Caleb had sent a message to the group chat.

From: Caleb

has anyone heard from Molly?

From: Jester

No? Is everything OK? Caleb???

He couldn’t let this get out of control.

From Molly:

god you’d think I never had a panic attack b4. I’m fine, needed some no phone time.

From: Jester

Caleb saw you have a panic attack? Are you alright? Your panic attacks can be really bad Molly, did you call your therapist?

Shit. Shit. He’d revealed too much. He had to fix it.

From: Molly

we’re friends jes, shit happens.

Caleb was typing. Caleb was still typing.

Caleb stopped typing.

Molly needed to call him.

From Beau:

since when were you guys hanging out together alone.

From Molly:

i wasn’t aware that everyone had to hang out as a group all the time, or do you not go on pastry dates with jes anymore.

From Caleb:

We discovered a mutual interest in cinema.

From: Molly

i’m allowed to spend time with my friends without everyone about, beau. What, you jealous? Want me all to yourself?

From: Beau

ew gross no.

Saved it. Probably. He couldn’t be sure. Beau could be annoying persistent at times. She was constantly suspicious of everything and everyone.

He dialed Caleb’s number and as soon as he answered -

“A mutual interest in cinema, Caleb, really -”

“We did watch a film. Or I did. You slept.”

“Yeah, I was - I was a pretty bad guest, I guess? I’m. um.”

“I was worried.”

Molly sighed down the line.

“I know. I know. I meant to call. I just - I needed to. To… not.”

Molly could hear Caleb breathing. Was he at work? Taking a break to hear Molly speak, be sure? What had he been so worried about?

“It’s just - I wish you had told me. That you were having a panic attack. I would have understood.”

“I know. I - I just don’t like being that way. In front of people. It’s only really Yasha who -”

“Mollymauk. I was very scared for you. I thought I had done something wrong. I thought you might be… hurt.”

Oh. Oh.

“Oh.”

“My therapist says I should say these things to the people I care about. So I am saying this. Please do not scare me like that again. I was wondering if I needed to call hospitals -”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?”

“No. I don’t.”

Molly fiddled with the spade tip of his tail.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I am. I understand if you decide I’m too much bother for you. If this is too much… hassle for what we were doing.”

Caleb sighed.

“That wasn’t what I said, Molly.”

“I am sorry. I am. I just… freaked out. I don’t know why.” Lie. “If I knew why I could have stopped it.”

“I don’t need you to stop it, Molly. I just need you to tell me so I can figure out how to help you best.”

Molly couldn’t speak for a moment.

“That’s hardly the easy, uncomplicated sort of stuff people want from a fuckbuddy,” he said when words were his again.

He could almost hear Caleb shrug.

“I don’t care much about easy or uncomplicated.”

“Oh, well. I. Ok.”

“Why would I treat you worse now that we are sleeping together? If anything I should treat you better than when we were just friends.”

“That makes. A kind of sense.” Molly cleared his throat. “I’ll tell you if it happens again. I’ll trust you.”

Caleb’s breath went shuddery, like a great tension had been released.

“Thank you,” he said. “I will see you soon?”

“Well, um, Yasha’s gonna be here soon, for a week. So. We can’t - we can’t see each other without her figuring stuff out. But I think Jester is throwing a party for her at the weekend? So, see you there, as like. Normal friends.”

“I will - I will be there. I will miss your company.”

“Caleb,” Molly said, laughing to cover up his confusion. “It’s been like, three weeks since we started fucking.”

“Ja, well. Goodbye, Molly.”

“Bye.”

Molly stared down at his phone until long after the screen had gone dark. What the fuck was going on?

Chapter Text

Caleb typically disliked parties. He went to Jester’s only because she was thoughtful enough to have a quiet room people could go to if things got too much. There was just so much to consider. He never knew if he was dressed right, or if he was supposed to bring something, or if he was going to be able to say the right things to people.

But he liked Yasha, and it would be nice to see her again, and of course. Molly would be there.

Jester had said something about going clubbing after the party, but he didn’t think he would do that.

He put on one of his nicest shirts, and a pair of jeans rather than something ‘old man’, and ran his hands down them. Was it going to be good enough? Would Molly think he looked good? Molly always looked good and was so bright and flamboyant and here was Caleb, feeling like the red stitching on the hems and cuffs of this henley might be a bit showy. What did Molly even see in him? He was a boring man when he wasn’t an utter mess, and neither of those things were attractive.

Well, he was what he was. It would have to do.

Molly was already there when he arrived at Jesters. He was sitting next to Yasha, talking animatedly to her. He was very shiny today, very sparkly. Glittery eyeshadow and pretty clips in his hair and jewellery hanging from his horns. He looked like a night sky on some exotic faraway plane, all that glimmering stuff against the purple of his skin.

In one second Molly went from not being aware of him to seeing him. A broad smile lit up his face. He was wearing something dark and glossy on his lips and Caleb thought about it leaving marks on his own pale skin. He patted Yasha on her broad shoulder and hauled himself out of the chair, giving Caleb a wonderful view of what he was wearing.

Caleb didn’t know much about clothes, or fashion. He could only capture his impressions. A crop top with peacock feathers all over it. Something gauzy and silver-shiny over it that floated around him like mist. Tight - obscenely tight - low slung leggings that had the pale colour-shift of opals and moonstones.

He looked wonderful. He looked otherworldly. Caleb got to go to bed with this person. It astonished him and he smiled helplessly as Molly approached.

“Darling,” Molly said. “You’re here.” He touched Caleb’s top, hand lingering above his heart. “I like this.”

Caleb didn’t know if he was talking about his top or his body.

“Ah, thank you.”

Molly’s hand moved to the neckline where he toyed with the contrast stitching.

“Colour! I’m rubbing off on you.”

This was definitely innuendo, because Molly winked. A crystal clear flashback of Molly’s face as he rutted himself to orgasm on Caleb’s thigh filled his thoughts.

“Ah. Yes. It’s not too much?”

He felt like they were having two conversations at once.

Molly’s face softened. “Not too much at all, my - my darling.” He stood for a second, hand on Caleb’s collar, looking at Caleb’s face with those beautiful red eyes. Then he dropped his hand and cleared his throat. “Come say Hi to Yasha.”

Caleb followed Molly to where Yasha was. Beau was squatting on the floor near her feet looking up with a borderline worshipful expression. Gods, he hoped he didn’t look so obvious about his feelings for Molly.

“Hello, Caleb,” Yasha sai in her soft voice. Oh, but he did like Yasha a lot, and he knew Molly missed her terribly when she was away for work.

“Hallo, Yasha,” he said back. Molly flung himself into the chair next to her and stretched back. Caleb found himself distracted by the arc of his slim body, the bareness of his stomach, his treasure trail, the hipbones that the leggings showed and that Caleb had tasted.

He snapped himself out of it. Yasha was watching him with a raised eyebrow. He went hot around his ears and knew he was blushing.

“How have you been? Anything… anything interesting going on?”

“Ah, you know. Same old job. Bookstore doing well. Doing good.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

Molly and Beau made an identical scoffing noise.

“What are you, his grandma?” Molly said, looking at his nails.

“Caleb would have told us if he was dating someone, I’m sure.”

“Hmm,” Molly said. He was carefully not looking at Caleb.

“Well,” Caleb said. “I would definitely say if I were dating someone.”

Beau laughed. “Have to be someone pretty amazing to tempt Caleb out of his hermiting. You wouldn’t just date the first hotty who asked.”

“Ah, no. Someone very… special. I wouldn’t want… I would want someone I really thought could work well with me.”

“Of course,” Molly said, his voice oddly flat.

“You shouldn’t settle, dude, that’s for sure. Nothing less than the best.”

“Ah well, it is unlikely to happen. I doubt someone I could love would be able to love me back.”

There was a silence. Molly got up to get a drink from the table. Beau shook her head at him. “You need to fix that shitty self-esteem of yours.”

Shitty self-esteem aside, it was the plain truth. He was in love, and his chosen love didn’t feel the same. He shrugged.

“Working on it,” he said. “I’m going to get a drink.”

There were a lot of options but what mattered was Molly drinking vodka and cranberry out of a plastic cup, one arm across his body, eyes distant.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said when he saw Caleb. “There’s loads of people would be proud to be with you.”

Caleb laughed. He grabbed a bottle of beer and opened it for something to do with his hands. “Can you go back in time and tell my exes that?”

Molly narrowed his eyes. “Did they not believe they were the luckiest girls alive?”

“Ah, no. My first, at university -” he couldn’t go into the whole thing now, he didn’t have the strength. “I was always doing something wrong. No matter what I tried. She was always, uh, angry with me. And disgusted, sometimes. We lived together. She dumped me, in the end.”

Molly nodded. He looked angry. Probably not at Caleb, he reminded himself. His therapist had told him most people would be angry with his ex for that behaviour, not him, and while he didn’t understand quite yet he believed her.

“My other girlfriend didn’t get the best of me. I was too much of a mess to be seeing anyone. It only lasted a few months.”

“And you haven’t dated since?”

Caleb shook his head. “I haven’t had sex since,” he said, suddenly bold.; “Not till, uh.”

“Oh,” Molly said, blinking.

“I don’t normally, um. Do that if I’m not - if I don’t care about someone. I mean, I care about you. But normally- I have to be more than their friend. Do you understand?”

I love you, he thought desperately, and I should have known I did, because for me the closeness comes first, and then the wanting.

“Please understand,” he said, a little afraid.

Molly knocked back his drink and poured himself another. “I understand,” he said. He threw Caleb a flirty smile. “I’m glad I’m hot enough to break your normal rules for yourself.”

That wasn’t at all what Caleb had been trying to say. He sighed.

“What I mean,” Molly said, “Is sexuality is a bit weird, isn’t it? I’m glad you like me. I’m glad we -”

He broke off as Jester approached the drinks. She was in full fine form, all flouncy skirts and extravagant hair.

“Caleb! Why are you skulking over here? Get another drink, you’re all out already. Party Caleb tonight!”

Molly laughed a little under his breath, his face full of clear, glowing affection for their mutual friend.

“I like drunk Caleb,” he said, smiling. “Remember New Year’s? When he insisted on dancing with you?”

“Ja, is tonight about embarrassing me?”

Molly touched the back of his hand, gentle.

“You’re a sweet drunk. Affectionate.”

The heat of Molly’s fingers on the back of his hand lingers. He smiled a little private smile at Molly, and missed Jester’s eyes narrow. She linked her arm through his and yanked, and nearly pulled him over. Strong girl, Jester. Molly passed him another bottle of beer and waved at him, face bright with laughter.

And the thing was this. After two drinks the third seemed like a great idea. After three, even more was the best idea he’d had. And the great ideas kept on coming until he was sat out in Clay’s garden, on the benches, talking earnestly with Jester.

Fairylights of all colours twinkled from the hedges. The stars were out and in his blearing mind it was like the stars themselves had come to rest in this small suburban garden.

“Jester,” he said. He laid his head on her plump, warm shoulder. “Jester. I’m not straight.”

“Okaay,” she said.

“I mean, I just figured it out. I’m - bisexual, or pansexual, or one of those. I don’t know which word yet.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I thought I’d get more of a reaction,” he said, a little whine in his voice audible even to him.

“Sorry.” Jester laughed She sounded loose and warm. “It’s just - Caleb, I thought you knew already. I’m sorry, it’s really good an important to know these things for yourself and in your own time. I’m so glad you learned it. And that you told me.”

“You knew? You knew before me?”

She gave him the sort of serious look only possible when a person is already tipsy. “Caleb. No-one straight looks at Molly the way you do.”

Caleb blinked.

“I mean, everyone who’s into Molly is at least a little gay,” she continued. “Oh! You should ask Molly out now!”

Caleb choked on his… whatever’th drink.

“Ah, no.”

“Come oooon, you clearly LIKE like him. You want to kiiissss hiim.”

A little late for that, he thought rather hysterically, and worried for a moment he’d said it out loud.

“I do not think Molly dates.”

“I’m sure he would -”

“Ja, well it’s not you’d be hu -humiliated if the answer was no.”

She looked at him all sad and pouty and he felt bad so he said “I promise to ask someone out if I am interested and think I have a chance.”

“Good enough, I suppose,” she said, but she still looked pouty. He closed his eyes and rested his swimming head on her shoulder again.

“Caleb,” she said, after a while, uncharacteristically cautious. “You know I love you whatever, right?”

“Ja.”

“And you know you can tell me anything?”

“...ja.”

“Okay, then.”

He breathed deep. Maybe he could say something. Ask for advice. But she was such a gossip. He loved her, but there would be no way she’d keep her mouth shut. And then his pathetic, unrequited love would be everywhere and everyone would know and pity him and Molly would know and end what they had and -

“There you are.”

He knew Molly’s voice like his own pulse. He lifted his head to look round and look at Molly, some kind of celestial being under starlight. He swallowed.

“You’ve been out here, canoodling. Everyone else wants to get going to the club and I reckon Caleb wants to get home before that.”

Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the sharp and dismaying realisation that this whole party he’d only seen Molly for twenty minutes of it.

“No,” he said. “I’ll come.”

They both stared at him. Then they’re talking at once.

“You have never come out clubbing before.”

“You said you couldn’t imagine anything worse.”

Caleb shrugged. “Well. I’m trying new things these days.” It came out petulant, defensive, rather than confident and devil-may-care. Well, that was more Molly’s area than his.

“You sure are,” Molly said, low and insinuating, with a heated smile in his direction. It astonished him, how Molly could just - flirt, how he could turn that smile on and off. Perhaps it was only him it affected so strongly. Molly could be awkward, clumsy in his approaches - Caleb had seen it. But he seemed able to take it in stride and even before Caleb knew he loved Molly, he’d never been able to imagine anyone saying No.

“Okaaaay,” Jester said, a little dubiously. “But you just say if you want to go home.”

Caleb had another drink. Maybe he’d even have a good time.

-

He didn’t.

It was loud and full of sweaty drunk people who shouted and squeezed past each other and some of them weren’t very nice. And know he was sitting awkwardly with his drink, watching Molly dance with Jester and have a great time. A great time he tried to share and couldn’t.

This was why Molly didn’t love him back. This inability to have fun like a normal person.

The song changed and Molly headed off the dance floor towards where Caleb was sitting. He raised a hand and Caleb smiled thinly at him. Look, Caleb. He was cutting short his fun because Caleb Widogast had to come out and ruin everything.

Caleb got up and went to the bar for yet another drink. By the time he got back Molly was sitting down and someone else was in his seat. A handsome elf man, leaning forward, flirting with Molly. He couldn’t tell if Molly liked it or not.

He downed that drink too, watching.

That was the one that tipped him over.