Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shotaro was right and Philip should never doubt it. Their relationship was blooming. Both of them tried hard to maintain own happiness and at the same time be as good, as they could for the other one. Most of the times the balance was quite easy to achieve. There were also struggles of course, small quarrels, bit bigger argues. And now was one of them sadly.

It begun with stupid difference in opinions, well, like always. Philip was researching pet foods, because Mick was picky sometimes, and found one that has great potential. To his surprise Shotaro was against it. In his opinion the cat got enough good food and also was old and at his age major food changes weren't best proposition. From word to word they argued and were so desperate in own right, that they got to a local vet to ask about it.

Philip was surprised that both of them were right and wrong at the same time. The specialist told them, that you can carefully change pet diet to improve it, however it must be slow because of the age and he himself would not recommend the food Philip picked up because it is new formula still in progress of researching and older animals should get something more safe.

At home they sit at first in silence and then younger man spoke:

- See? We could improve Mick diet. I'll do more research on it. - his ego drove him again.

- That's not the point Philip. His food is good enough. Why to stress him. Also your choice wasn't that good after all. - Shotaro tried to calm his partner, but not to give up at the same time.

- We can't be sure if it wouldn't be good. And I would take second opinion form the vet, but you were against my idea from the beginning. - somehow Philip was more frustrated than normally.

Maybe because it was his cat, his responsibility and older man didn't let him do it properly.

- In the end it could be. But it is ok now, yes? - again Shotaro's voice tried to be as leveled as it could. Yet the man knew he was deep into trouble with it. It was about family, and this topic was still hard for both of them to manage.

- No. no its not Shotaro. Mick is mine responsibility. And...you think you know better, just because you have bigger experience in animal field. Yet you heard, change might be possible and it could be good for the cat. - sometimes, when Philip got into the argue spiral, it was so hard to break it and now was that moment.

The older man knew it was the time to back off.

- Ok Philip, I understand, lets just forget about it. - he said sighing. There was nothing to add – It is late anyway...

- I don't care it is late! I... I also know what to take care of others! Understand that, Shotaro. I'm going to get some rest in the garage! - he was to pissed off to just go into default like that, so he stormed toward his old lair.

Shotaro wanted to stop him at first, but then decided to let him cool off a bit. Especially that it was rare for Philip to burst of like that. He got it to a degree, but on the other hand it was too much.

The older man wasn't in a mood to go to sleep so he thought it was good time to dust off all the papers and maybe rearrange them. He felt terrible with all of this, yet was hoping that in the morning with more clear head, Philip will be smiling to him again.

The younger man, after reaching the garage unfolded the sofa and took some blankets that were laying on it to cover himself. It was so much colder down here, especially that there wasn't any warm and friendly man by side.The one who treat him like a child sometimes.

He didn't like this at all, but it was hard to understand for Shotaro that he was able to take decisions, that he would be responsible enough to not hurt others or himself. Or maybe he was exaggerated and his partner was right about it? Philip still needed more time than average person, to think about mental actions, especially new ones, especially, when it was hard to tell if he should calmly back of or strongly held own opinion.

Confused, still over thinking the topic, he laid on the sofa and closed his eyes. He didn't plan to fall asleep, just to ponder more about this topic, yet his organism decided otherwise. Philip fell into shallow dream state, but deep enough to give him some not too pleasant pictures known as nightmares.

He didn't have many of them, since he felt always so relaxed near his partner while sleeping. Now however he was alone in the garage, still upset, so it wasn't best ground for peaceful slumber. Normally bad dreams he had were about Sonozakis, their end sometimes, about his mission to make Gaia Impact in a non-threating way. Sometimes about own disappearance after that faithful fight years ago. This time however it was something new, something even more terrifying. It was about death, but not his own but of Shotaro.

First the time, when he got almost killed and Philip had to save him with Fang help. In the nightmare he was too late and his precious partner got impaled by enemy prepared structure. Young genius couldn't even manage to scream, when the picture shifted to the moment before they got into Extreme for the first time. Shotaro just drown in this one and he and Akiko found his floating body. Then another shift. This time When Utopia held his partner to taunt him. The enemy got too far and broke the detective neck. Another change was most painful. And it wasn't just a picture a frame, no...It was whole footage... Philip in Extreme bird wanted to shield his partner from Energy dopant, but he was too slow. The whole world was slower and the attack was too fast. It hit Shotaro backs making messy red splat. It all stopped, on that one frame and he wanted to scream to get there to do something, but he knew also it was too late, that there is nothing he can do... that...

He woke up abruptly sitting down, taking shallow breaths and looking around frantically. Garage. It was a dream. Or was it? He was all alone... His face was wet of tears and logic couldn't enforce itself by the flood of emotions the young genius had right now. He froze in fear, not want to move in a muscle and to fell into the terrible reality, where there is no Shotaro around. Those few minutes were like hell on earth, but then the doors to the garage creaked and his partner face looked form behind of them.

- Philip? Something happened? I heard loud... commotion from here? - the older man didn't see any reaction for own words, so with worried face started to climb down the stairs.

Sudden relief flooded trough young genius system. So it was just a dream. He wiped his face with a sleeve quickly and looked at small clock nearby. It was almost 3 in the morning. Then, again, his eyes went to see Shotaro and hold on him. Maybe he himself had nightmares, but his partner didn't slept at all. There were 3 clues for that: first, he heard Philip potential screaming, which wasn't easy with garage closed doors. Second was his tired face. But the most important one was, that he was still in his working clothes.

- You look terrible... - Shotaro sat closely to him and taking partner's hand between his palms – What happened?

- Nightmares... just that... - Philip took bigger breath and let it out. Warmness of his partner touch got him back into reality completely.

- You didn't had those for such a long time... - Shotaro was still worried - … come on, let's go upstairs. I'll make you something warm and calming to drink, ok? - his tone was soft and reassuring, the only thing Philip needed right now. Yet he nodded and slowly got up greedily grabbing Shotaro hand, when the other man wanted to let him to go in front.

It was hard to get into the stairs like that, but Philip didn't care, he need it much more, than comfortable walking. At last they reached main floor of the Agency and go to the kitchen area. There young genius do what he liked the most. Hugged his partner from behind.

- Philip listen... I'm really sorry about the argument we had. You were right. I should just... explain myself more. I hope you forgive me... - Shotaro said with quiet voice.

There it was again. While true, they had only few quarrels it was always Shotaro who apologized, even if mostly it was Philip fault to begin with. The problem laid in their perception.

Younger man needed more time to think about it, to understand other side more and break trough own ego. His partner never give it in the first place, and even his egocentrism didn't washed the awkward feeling, when someone is apologize for your own mistakes. It was too much and Philip made big mind memo to talk about this issue tomorrow.

- It was my fault too – the younger man said slowly, hugging his boyfriend more tightly. He wanted to say more, but his mind was still tired after nightmarish session.

For a moment they just stood in silence, both wanting to say something and both didn't do it in the end. Philip let go at last, to take his lemon balm tea. Weirdly his partner made it for himself too.

No, it wasn't weird at all. It was the norm. Shotaro was the one who bought a box of it at least once every two weeks. Once asked about it the older man said he liked its taste, but now realization hit Philip, that it was really good forged lie. The older man was master of hiding emotions when he really felt need for it. Something was mildly stressing him. Tomorrow was looking more and more concerning.

- So... - Shotaro spoke, when they sat down. because he didn't like the silence at all. - Another Nightmare with your family? Want to talk about it so it wont resurface again? - in his opinion any talked off nightmare was easier to avoid in the future.

- Actually this one was new, and it didn't have any of the Sonosakis in it - more and more often Philip felt that they weren't his real family at all, were important, yes, but not in the sense family should be. Wakana maybe but the rest was just bunch of people bonded by blood. - It was about you.

- Me? - Shotaro seemed to be genuine surprised – What kind of nightmares you could have about me? That I lost all of my hats? - he joked.

- About you dying. Over and over. - Philip voice was dark and low – It was excruciating.

-...This... - the older man put his arm across Philip shoulders, watching if his partner drinks warm herbal tea actually – Try to drink more, this will help you... - he didn't expect such answer at all, and didn't know what to say now.

- Can I sleep with you for the rest of the night? - asking after taking few sips, younger man leaned on his partner side.

- You don't have to ask, it is our bed. - Shotaro soft voice, his touch and his care washed away the most of the dread Philip felt inside.

Nightmares disappeared, were just lies of upset mind, yet the reason for them still was lingering behind the corner. He need to talk, but first the sleep.

Half hour later Shotaro wasn't that surprised, that Philip clung to him tightly, what was unusual however he heard faint “I'm sorry” before feeling his partner fell into the slumber. Why he was apologizing? Everything was all right now? He petted his hair for a while and told himself, to be less stubborn in talks and changing opinions.

Losing his boyfriend, because of being annoying was not an option. He could swallow pride and not to bark back. Maybe that was what Philip needed, to feed his ego to a degree? So he would stop him, when it was really overboard, yet normally maybe it wasn't needed? But wouldn't it be making steps back in their relationship? Well he loved him so much and was happy most of the times, so maybe it was best resolution to it?

Noways his biggest fear was that Philip will find him not good enough, too naggy maybe, too weak too.... His logic told him this wasn't the truth, but there was also that tiny place in his heart, that whispered something less warm and so much darker.

Even with that he smiled and petted Philip's hair. It will be all right in the end. Slowly he fell into the sleepy state too.

Next day everything was so normal,that Shotaro thought half of a yesterday was only a bad dream. They got up, were scolded by Akiko by the phone, then eat breakfast and after checking some cases (two to be exact, none needed investigation after research and pondering a bit) it was quite nice morning.

It was exactly 10:47 when Philip got up form the armchair, where he did some pondering about history of windows and walked near Shotaro. His partner was just finishing writing one of the rapports and was quite proud of it.

- What is is Philip? – he asked.

- I want to ask you something. - he begun.

The months he was together as a couple with the other man, he learned that phrase 'I want to talk' stressed him somehow. Changing it to a question was less frightening.

- Yes?

- Why are you always apologize? - it was short question, without any specific voice tone.

- What do you mean? I do not. - Shotaro went bit defensive.

- I'll be more specific. Why do you always apologize first, when we have an argument? I need to know that – he tried to make the question as it was one of the stuff he is currently interested it, not to make his partner withdraw.

- Ah? It is that so? I didn't noticed this. Hmm interesting.

It looked Shotaro was genuine with this, but something told Philip it was a lie. In such cases his partner was greatest pretender.

- You did. I Think you're doing it on purpose. Can I know why? - even if Philip's intention was to be gentle in the talking, yet his impatience leaked a bit this time.

- I... It's... No I really... Don't know what you're talking about. - the older man started to get nervous.

- Shotaro... - Philip sighed, but then got an idea – Maybe.. we should talk trough the link?

- What? Is there really anything to talk about, because...

Philip saw it now. His partner was afraid. It was another reason to do this. Use this momentum.

- Go for it – he said.

It wasn't his intention to make him into this in at all costs, yet he knew Shotaro need some push in similar situations.

The older man touched his vest where the Driver was hidden. If he does it Philip might discover things, that might upset him. On the other hand if he doesn't it will be very suspicious. And sooner or later his partner will acquire the informations anyway.

Shotaro just nodded and put the belt on. In split of second Philip's one showed too and both of them felt link formation.

“Why do you want to talk in such way?” - the detective asked looking him in the face. It was bit bizarre to communicate with the device, sitting that close to each other.

“We both will be more sincere. It is also easier to form thoughts and for giving some informations without wording them. So again. Tell me, please, why do you tend to apologize as fast as you can after quarrel. It's important.”

In the link space Shotaro could feel Philip's intention better. There was concern, bit of curiosity and lots of warm feelings. He had to agree link talk had its advantages, because his nervousness subdued enough, he could form full sentence.

“I don't want you to find me annoying, that I'm someone unworthy your attention because of that” - he pushed this thought trough at last and waited for an answer to this.

Philip took his hand and squeezed it lightly. He was foolish thinking the problem was something else, than Shotaro's self-esteem and his ego clashing. It was sad that love of his life was afraid in such way of him. Well this fear didn't come from nowhere.

“I would never think like that about you...I'm really sorry you thought it was the case, because of my behaving.” thinking that Philip started to brush Shotaro palm with his thumb. Somehow he didn't want to look directly into the other man face.

“No, It's not like that, really! I just... tend to thinking like that... because I can be annoying right?” - the detective tried to lift his partner spirits, but he couldn't explain this well enough.

“You feel not good enough to be right in argument some times? To to be able to whine, to be tired of explaining yourself? To just sulk even if something was your fault? Aren't those human reactions? And when someone loves you, shouldn't they understand that?” - Philip looked at him and at last didn't saw the fear on the other face, just deep confusion.

“I don't really know. It's just when we have the quarrel and we don't speak about it right away I feel... I imagine worse cases scenarios. And even if I'm still sure on my opinions or statements, I don't think those are worth more than relationship...” - Shotaro tried to express his feelings as best as he could. Also Philip tender petting his hand helped a lot. It was small gesture but calmed him to a degree.

“Do you think our relationship is that fragile? Because no it is not... We know each other for some time Shotaro and we are still together knowing all qualities and flaws. And slowly you will get that, I'm sure. Please, give bit more time after arguments, I still have trouble with fast ego balancing...”

It was understandable that Philip was struggling now with wording his problem. Shotaro listened to this looking at his partner, at his unsure face, at general stiffens. He felt same emotions sipping trough the link too.

“I get that, really. Just sometimes my mind throws 'what if it is otherwise' at me. Logically I know you're right here...I really have no idea why I'm like this. I'm sorry Philip...” - there was bit fear here, that maybe that was it, his weaker mind was hurting his partner too much... and then Shotaro realized he was still connected with a link and he was displaying this toward him.

“You're not hurting me by this, don't worry” - his partner mental voice was warmer now - “I'm just worried about you. About your... lest call it 'mental health'. It is normal for couples to argue, having different opinions and approaches, it's healthy actually according to my research. Small argues too. And Shotaro, really, I wouldn't dump you over a cat food. I wouldn't ever. And now I know how do you feel about it. You know what I feel... we can slowly change it to be more comfortable for both of us, right?” - he smiled shyly.

“Yeah. I really jinxed it saying it will be long struggle and painful process, didn't I?” - his mental voice was jokily now, the most pressure was gone. - “I'm really grateful for this talk, for you to pick it up and for you in general. I'll try to give you more time to think and also ponder a bit why the hell I'm panicking like that over the issue.”

Philip smiled at it. Just a year ago, Shotaro wouldn't be able to get to such conclusion as fast or at all. And he himself would never begun the talk in the first place. Both grew up and it was something the younger man was really proud of.

They sat like that in comfortable silence, feeling warmness trough the link and touching hands. It would have been longer if not of ringing phone. Shotaro whined displeasedly and got up slowly disconnecting the belt.

- I bet it is Akiko with another animal to look for. People should be taught more how to keep them by side.

- Well it would made you jobless then, majority of the cases are about finding someone or something. - Philip said wisely grinning in his own unique way. He was relieved the problem they had didn't escalate, that both of them wanted solve it in a best way. And they will for sure.

- Ah you're right. I wonder what it is this time – he took the phone and used his job voice to talk.

Philip found it funny how his partner could change it that easily, that he even had special 'professional tone'. God, he loved this man so much, even in such silly tiny details.
,
He listened how Shotaro was explaining that finding lost parrot is not an easy task, but he will try of course. After ending the call he sighed and gone to the junk closet, to look for a bird net. While doing that he asked Philip for research on behavior traits of this specie of the parrot. It felt good for the younger man, that his partner trusted him yet again and that he could help. Yes, they were going in good direction with this.

****

In the early afternoon Philip was standing in the kitchen, checking if he bought everything form list he got from Shotaro.

After many failed attempts they both agree, that the younger man didn't had the talent for cooking at all. The reason was obvious: he switched his focus too much, was to precise or to vague and in the end made food was at best barely eatable. The shopping however was another story, with precise list he was better with it than Shotaro, even if it took a while, when he saw something new and interesting in the grocery store.

Everything was in order, so now he had to wait for his partner to get back from the parrot hunting (which was almost done, Shotaro called, that he localized the bird and now he just have to put some bait and wait). He wanted to do some relaxing research about ancient tombs, when he heard someone was coming into the Agency.

Akiko was laughing and silly talking to her young daughter who sounded cheerful like always.

- Oh, hi Philip, Shotaro's is on a case? - she asked looking around.

- Yes. He would be back already but the parrot is stubborn one, and picky for the seeds he got for it. - the younger man answered in his usual mannerism.

- At least he has knack for finding animals, without that it would be hard to run this place. - the woman sat down and gave her child bag full of drawing accessories. Haruna had the rainbow phase now and was using up crayons and markers like mad. - And you look super tired. Another obsessive research? - she asked looking at Philip ho joined her on the guests sofa.

- No, it was an argument, but it is ok now. - he nodded.

- I bet you won it and Shotaro was nagging about it and didn't let you get proper sleep.

Her story sounded so absurd that Philip had to chuckle.

- We both were wrong to a degree... and later he apologize. Like always. We had good talk about it to not having any misunderstanding, but I still don't know why he tend to do that. - the young man pondered aloud.

- You mean the saying sorry thing? It might be part of his character. Or well you know... - she shrugged and for a moment shifted her focus on Haruna, who almost started to draw on the table and not paper.

- No, I don't know... Literally Akiko, I don't know what might be the reason he is afraid of letting me to apologize? - he needed her advice now, being aware it will be accurate even if in not so obvious way.

- Well, it is Shotaro after all, he like to underestimate himself, especially toward you. But you two are in love so maybe real issue is different and more simple?

- You mean?

- He need physical reassurance you two are together, probably. You two confessed each other are a couple, thats nice, but it is easy to break such.. uh state? Pairs are forming and disforming like that all the time. And Shotaro is human maybe he need physical proof to reassure himself that even a quarrel from time to time is nothing that scary. - Akiko said slowly.

- Physical proof... - Philip echoed her.

- And maybe something official? - she smiled suspiciously.

- I'm not sure what you're talking about...

- Now really... - she sighed – You love him right? Want to be with him? - the woman didn't have problems with talking in such manner now, after seeing there was no other way for those knuckleheads.

- Yes, of course. - he agreed.

- Then make it more official. Some kind of exchanging vows. And rings maybe. - she put her left hand up and pointed strongly on her wedding ring.

- You mean marriage would make Shotaro feel better? - he asked.

With one hand she covered Haruna eyes and with the second smacked Philip's head with a slipper hard.

- Ough.. what was that for? - Philip was confused at first, but the revelation ascended, just like the slipper knocked some social wisdom to his brain.

- I'm not surprised now, why he can be paranoiac, when you're like that. Being married is not to 'feel better'. It's... well no I won't tell you. Think about it yourself. - with that she ended her lesson for the younger man and shifted her focus on Haruna completely.

Philip massaged his head and took the advice to his heart actually. He and Shotaro were a couple, yes. There was also a fact they loved each other dearly. The proof could be felt, when they used mental link. The relationship was developing too.

Yet his partner was afraid it could be broken easily somehow. And he said it was not logical, still the thought was there. A proof was needed because thats how human works. They need symbols, rituals to enforce certain aspects of life. Relationships too.Philip wondered if he as the same. What he could feel if somehow he would be married to Shotaro? What would it change?

From Akiko perspective, Philip just sat there without moving a muscle holding his fingers on lips. Just occasional blinking and chest rising told her he was alive. She got up, checked some papers and reports. Everything was in order more or less. It was time for her to get going, so she took her daughter said quiet 'good bye', and left agency proud of herself, that she was able to be the genius yet again.

***

Shotaro was able to get the parrot in the end and was in time to prepare some food for the dinner. He saw Philip was bit more quiet and when he asked about it, the answer was, that the younger man makes very intense research right now.

After eating th detective decided to relax a bit in his roof garden. He was really grateful for this gift and thanked for it on every occasion. As for now he was digging into the soil gently, to put some seedlings in there. If he will care about those enough, the tomatoes will be so delicious this year.

- Hey, Shotaro.

He almost jumped. Philip has this natural ability to sneak behind him.

- Did you finished your research? - older man asked with small smile on his face. His partner still looked bit of dazzled.

- More or less. I was talking with Akiko before you came back and she gave me this idea... Still it is such a large topic, and many informations are hard to analyze without context. - he crouched near his partner.

- Oh? And what is the topic? - even if interested Shotaro was still taking care of the plants. He expected it will be about some kind of food again, or curtains, or history of decapitations. You never knew why it will be in the end with his boyfriend.

- We were talking about what symbols mean to humans, to be precise, to you.

- You were talking with Akiko about me? - ok, now he had to stop his work.

- Yes. Because I was wondering, Shotaro why do you care about Fuuto that much? Why it is your sacred city?

The curious face of his partner and his seriousness make the detective smile widely. This human would never stop to surprise him with own the world view.

- Well... you know, even with all not so fun things I've gone trough in the past, this city put so many wonderful people on my path. All of them helped me a lot even if they didn't have to. Thats why from early age I wanted to protect this place, redirect people who lost their ways. And with your help it was possible for many of them For that, I thank you. - he bowed his head.

Shotaro had tendencies to be extremely cheesy, but this time his speech was so pure and genuine Philip didn't had any idea how to comment on it for a moment.

- You don't have to thank me - yet he smiled, because it always was nice to hear sincere gratitude – also... you're showing your bond with the city by dressing in the Windscale clothes. You don't have to do it per se, because you know your feelings yet you feel better somehow when wearing them, yes?

- Where are you getting with this Philip? - Shotaro was intrigued, and couldn't guess where it leads to.

- Symbolism is important. We humans find reassurance in it. A proof of some events or statements. Thats why I think you should use it. - he nodded.

- I have no idea what are you talking about – the detective laughed shortly.

- Of exchanging vows of course. - he said simply and looked at his partner of any reaction. He was the one who surprised the other party mostly, but this time it was also a case in the other way.

- You mean marriage? Well it is illegal for us. But it would be nice. Hmm no, 'nice' is not good word for this. It would be best. - Shotaro was still smiling. There was scent of nostalgia in it too.

- You're not taking me seriously. Yet I am serious. I want to marry you, and I don't care about if it's legal or not. You know my approach for the official documents. And to stop your questions: yes I know what it means, yes I know how important it is, what consequences it would bring. - he said it strongly.

- And you really would like to marry me? I mean not form obligation but from own desire? - Shotaro asked slowly.

- I was thinking what it could mean for you and what would it mean to me.

- And?

- It was new experience for me, the longer I was thinking about it the more I understood that.. I want it. Being more proper family. Having that...in less abstract sense. It is part of my humanity I think - he touched own chest. - To say vows aloud in special place and time. To exchange rings. Symbols and rituals are not just words, but important points, thats what I think at least.

Shotaro was looking, now seriously at his partner giving him time to articulate his thoughts.

- Also there are more trivial things for it – Philip continued – like with rings, most of our beautiful female clients would be more reserved towards you. - he finished in a bit defensive tone.

- Wait wait... you're jealous when you see me talking to them? - Shotaro on the other hand looked amused.

- It's not jealousy just concern and not liking them too close to you in given context.

- That's exactly what jealousy is – Shotaro made small chuckle.

- Yes maybe, thats not the point of this conversation – Philip shifted a bit, because this crouching position wasn't that comfortable. It was bizarre that they are just here in garden area, Shotaro in his
spare working clothes, talking about something so special like marriage. - Do you want it, or not?

- To marry you? Yes. I would like to. In any way it is possible to us that is – he was strangely calm about it. Knowing Shotaro it was suspicious.

- You thought about it before, didn't you – Philip glared at his partner.

- A man can dream right? - he laughed .

- Shotaro that's too soft even for half-boiled title - the other man smirked at him.

- Oi, shush it. I'm not the one who proposed it aloud! - at last the older man reacted in his signature way.

- Right. But you agreed. Then it is settled. We will exchange our vows soon – Philip grinned.

- You are serious about this. Ok, but I'm getting the rings. Also, no reception or anything like that – Shotaro said firmly.

- Why not? You don't want any guests? - the younger man titled his head in confusion.

- Actually no. Some of them wont accept this. And almost none will understand. It... It won't be average you know, our bonds are different than most of people. Our mind can fuse, even our bodies. You died like two times and had to forge own existence for documents sake. It's.. I don't know Philip, it doesn't sound right to invite bunch of people, who don't have idea about most of the things. - he tried to explain himself as best as he could.

- I don't mind it really. So we only Invite Teruis as witnesses? - Philip said calmly. He really didn't care if there will be 100 or 3 people behind their backs, till they actually go and put rings on each other fingers. – And why do you want to pick up jewelry for us?

- I have an idea about how those should look, so they would be unique but not standing out too much.

- Shotaro, how long did you thought, or rather daydream about it? - asking that, younger man was smiling yet again.

His partner didn't answered, his face just got the almost scarlet red hue.

- Why didn't you bring this topic earlier? - it was funny somehow, yet he didn't want to laugh.

- I never could imagine you would want it. I mean you have me as a partner, as loved one and wasn't raised with marriages all around you. Also I didn't want to suffocate you into such relationship. Now I know you want it too, and I'm... I think, I'm still in a bit of a shock, thats why I can't show you how happy I am? - he was still blushing and struggling with explaining his feelings.

The way his partner said it, the 'suffocate' word... Something that Philip still didn't understood about him... something...

- Wait a moment... - Philip closed his eyes and still crouching, spread his arms to do some quick research.

Shotaro wasn't taken aback by this. It was not that rare for his partner to sudden go into this state, even in the middle of talking, even so important as this one.

- Can you tell me.. what our relationship means to you? - Philip spoke after few minutes.

- That we are together, holds other back... and yes we are equals...and many more...

- Yes equals but... the general meaning of such relationship. I'll give you an example. Lets say you got a flu. Your head is hurting, have sore throat, fever and your whole body is in pain. I, on the other hand have weekly meeting with my circle. What do you do?

It was weird for Shotaro to hear such a question, but was ready to answer.

- I'll take my meds go to bed and wish you nice afternoon. - he said simply.

- You wouldn't try ask me to stay?

- No, why? Just because I'm sick it doesn't mean you can't have nice meeting. - he said surprised.

- Shotaro, I think I might discovered at last the main problem, that is shadowing on our relationship. - Philip opened eyes and looked directly onto his partner – You don't know how to prioritize yourself. Or rather... you were rarely, or at all, number one for other people. It is logical. As you were in orphanage there weren't many occasion to be on pedestal. However later in life you should find someone who will grand you it. And you did, Narumi Sokichi took you as his one and only pupil. And you were so desperate to show him you are worthy...

- Philip.. I understand... please stop... - Shotaro looked anguish suddenly.

The younger man understood, he went too deep with logic, not thinking about emotions.

- I'm sorry... - he said quickly – I just wanted to say... Shotaro we are not only equals, its not only that I love you. You're my number one. Please accept and remember this. - he took his hand and looked deeply in the eyes.

- Your... - the detective was looking at his partner, like he didn't fully comprehend everything he just heard.

- My number one - Philip said it again – So when you are sick I'll stay with you, or when you want to whine, I'll listen, or when you want to watch that black and white noir movie I'll see it with you, even if I know almost everything about it already. Because I feel...I know, I was and am your number one and want this for you too. That is what I really want, thats how it is. Will you let me Shotaro? Will you relax a bit and take this as a fact?

- Why would you like as number one someone like me? - the older man didn't think before saying the sentence, somehow his emotions swung too much at that moment, this was more bizarre than anything it happened with Philip over those few months.

- Because I love you? And you're kind and funny? Also reliable? Soft? And you love me? Why such person shouldn't be my number one?

Shotaro didn't knew what to say, how to respond to it. Philip looked like he was sincere, that he really cared about him. His partner actually liked his 'flaws', because the detective never thought about own softness (yes, he was aware of it) as a good thing. And now he was not only loved, but also number one for someone wonderful as Philip? This wasn't a dream, they still crouched in the roof garden, Shotaro feel how uncomfortable that position started to be, sun was shyly looking out from behind cloud reflecting his partner hair and face better. The bit cold touch of Philip hand on his own (Shotaro understood he was more warm blooded in this relationship), pounding of heart, so strong that he felt it in whole body. This was real as it could be. He gave everything for his partner to have a happy and fulfilling life, and unexpectedly it came back to him.

He dropped on one knee to drag Philip closer and hug him tightly desperately holding back of his hoodie. Ale the emotions that were pressed inside him, got on the surface and shock his body. For now he didn't care about being hard-boiled, ascetics or at all, just cried his eyes out while clinging to his one and only partner.

Philip was bit surprised, that reaction of the other man was that strong. Then again it was understandable, that when you want something that strong, and it is denied for most of your life,getting it at last must be a great experience. He closed his eyed and petted slowly Shotaro's back, not speaking at all.

They stayed in same position till the older man didn't calm down enough. At last he got up trying to wipe his face ,because now he did feel bit embarrassed by this sudden outburst. Philip gave him a moment before standing up himself, still smiling softly at the other one. He also decide to not to comment on this, he didn't feel it was necessary. Also there were few more things to discuss.

- So...about our exchanging vows – he started.

Shotaro took deep breath and even if his face was a bit in a mess when he spoke, his voice was normal as always.

- Just call it a wedding. It sounds better that way – he said shrugging – even if it wont be official by the law.

- Yes, about it. I'll in charge of suits and honey moon if you don't mind.

- It's ok. And I as I've said before, will take care of rings... But wait where do you want to go? -he asked with curiosity.

- Ah, let me surprise you later – Philip smile was a bit too sly for Shotaro judgment. - Also there is one more important thing for the ceremony.

- And that is?

- I think we should practice kissing, it would look bad if we wouldn't know how to properly do it... Shotaro? - Philip saw as his partner face got more and more red – but thats something for another day right? - he patted detective shoulder and smiled even wider – now excuse me, I'll do some research on wedding suits, we need to have special ones for the ceremony. - with that he left the roof mumbling something about colors.

Shotaro stood there not sure what just happened. Something extremely good for sure. Slowly he started to grin to himself. Falling for Philip was best thing that has happened in his entire life.

***

Philip's research was long and detailed, and it absorbed him so deep, that Shotaro had to literally dragged him for supper and almost spoon feed for the younger man to actually eat. Even after, he continued it, making thousands notes on his white-boards and notebooks. When he finally felt more or less satisfied it was almost 2 at night.

He barely could drag himself to the shower and slowly reached the bed after it. Oh and he had to wake up Shotaro to tell him he is ready to sleep. It was one of those small agreements: if one want to do something at night time, he has to wake up other even just for a moment and say good night. It prevented hiding all nighters and sleep deprivation in some way.

- Shotaro... - he whispered.

- Mmm.... At last you decided to get some rest... - the older man caught his boyfriend to drag him closer.

- Yes, and I've got many interesting ideas and solutions. - Philip said quietly – Also.. it is tomorrow already – he added enigmatically.

- Huh? - Shotaro didn't understood it at all.

At that moment younger man shifted a bit, reached his partner lips and kissed those softly.

- Good night Shotaro. - satisfied he cuddled more and fell asleep instantly, contrary to the detective ho was now wide awake, getting what Philip meant at last.

At first he felt bit of embarrassment the n full blown happiness, then embarrassment again, because it wasn't first time when he was kissed by someone like that: he did it in tech school but it was his unexperienced partner who did the first step. Darn it.

It was early morning, at least for the young genius standards, when he heard:

- Oi Philip...!

- Wha...? - he didn't even opened his eyes. Then he felt Shotaro lips on his own, however it was different than in the night. The kiss was deeper more passionate and his partner lead it in such wonderful way.

- That's how you kiss you soon-to-be husband. - he heard voice of Shotaro, with that warm joyful bounce in it.

He understood few things with it. First, his partner was a great kisser. Second, his embarrassment wasn't from some prude feelings but probably that it was between them, two people sharing such deep connection. Third, he must try it again at the evening.

***

The kissing started to be their happy routine every evening and morning.

***

Between the work and and everyday life they were planning the ceremony. It might looked it was easier for Shotaro but in fact it was Philip who announced that he booked everything for their honeymoon and that they can go for fitting the suits, which stressed the older man a bit.

- What is it Shotaro? - Philip asked.

- I hope the rings will be made on time... There were small problems.

- Oh really?

- Yes, we had to... change some things, but in the end it looks at it should. Jeweller I pick really knows what he is doing. - he gave small smile, thinking how he doesn't feel that bad, that all his savings for new Windscale collection will be burn out for something else.. something much better.

- We could push our ceremony few days forwards, I can't promise anything more. I didn't knew how annoying booking a chapel could be – Philip said sighing.

- I'll try to make it for the original date don't worry! - his answer was bit too fast.

- Take it easy Shotaro, we can push it really. Don't stress about it too much. We don't have bunch of guests who have to change their plans. - he saw his partner tendency to fit into his plan too much right away.

- Yes thats true, still I just cant wait – he laughed embarrassedly.

Philip could comment this with 'half-boiled' quote yet was the same now. The more and more he think about it the more he wanted the ceremony. He understood finally why it was so important to Shotaro and was wondering if his partner go,t it why it is that big for himself. The older man said that Philip could have anyone for his other half, but was so wrong on this statement: Philip was aware how quirky and eccentric he was, that even now Shotaro barely could manage his ego.

That his past twisted him to the point of no return and only this half-boiled detective could stand him. And even with that he hurt him so many times. Nowadays however, he knew what to do to make them both happy he will fix all mistakes and try not to make many of new ones (he was aware those sill be made from time to time) and was pretty sure his partner was same.

There was also the uncomfortable conclusion: anyone who would know Shotaro better, could potentially fell for him, but anyone who would know him himself would never wanted to do that. Shotaro was really good candidate for life partner, even from logical point of view and Philip knew he on the other hand wasn't. But that didn't mean he would give away his precious loved one to any person ever. No, this only mean he would cherish Shotaro even more.

That day late afternoon was bit hectic: sudden dog rescue, then the older man talking by the phone half whispering about the rings. And at last they gone for the suits fitting.

For himself Philip choose bottle green one and it was swift decision, but for Shotaro it was bit harder to pick. The shades of purple were not that great, in black he looked like butler and the younger man asked him for not to take anything white.

- Why not? It is good color for wedding suit. - Shotaro asked.

- Somehow... I don't want to see you in white on our wedding day. You can use it for detective work but... - It was hard for Philip to explain logically why he didn't like the idea. For his luck his soon to be husband had more understanding and empathy than average human, so he got it without more talking.

- I think I get it, I don't mind... ah.. maybe navy blue?

In the end they did take the dark blue one with subtle accents of purple. After that Shotaro got another call with good news: the rings will be ready tomorrow.

- Ah I'm glad! It was worth to pay bit more for fast service – he sighed of relief.

- You do have money for all of it? - Philip realized, that while he had his small fortune, his partner could count only on his savings - I can...

- No, no, this is important for me. Don't worry I have it under control – Shotaro smiled, and wasn't even sad that the limited edition fedora won't be in his collection.

- If you say so – the younger man nodded. He could give his partner that much trust in it.

***
Akiko was excited when he heard about the wedding and bit disappointed there wont be any big reception after. Yet because it was Philip ho gave her invitation, she could listen to detailed explanation and not some half words from embarrassed detective.

- I didn't think that Shotaro would dug that deep in the topic. Then again he was falling for you since I know him so this is important – she commented.

- You are wrong here, from his words he felt it for the first time some time after my reviving. - Philip tried to correct her, but the woman just waved hand.

- It was a moment when he understood it, but his whole-self was screaming about it before, trust me on it.

- When you put it that way – he put fingers on his lips and remembered how strongly Shotaro blushed, when he told him he is his one and only partner. So the older man wanted it subconsciously for a far longer time, yet it was impossible back then for both of them. Now was the time to do it properly, to be together without such worries. - Also I want to talk about honeymoon... you see...

The heated argument scorched, and Philip had to use all his negotiation skills to get what he wanted. In the end it was worth it.

***

- Do you want to see them? - Those were first words leaving Shotaro mouth after returning form jewelery shop. He looked quite excited and content at the same time.

- I can wait till ceremony, I don't mind surprise – Philip put his book down. Even saying that his curiosity was pushing hard.

- Well I need to know if fits also... well if you don't like those small changes could be made? - Shotaro approached Philip and took small box to his hand.

The younger man didn't oppose because, yes he wanted to take a peak. At last was opened and inside were sitting 2 wedding rings. They were silver color and each had small letter engraved and filled with precious stones. The one the left had J filled with amethyst and the other one with C was packed with jade shards. There wasn't anything more, yet it told so much.

- Those are stunning – Philip couldn't take his eyes from them somehow. That was the most symbolic thing Shotaro could do.

- So you like them? I'm glad – the older man smiled – The J one is yours, so fragment of me can always be by your side.

- Thats...

- Half-boiled I know... - Shotaro sighed.

- No thats... actually super romantic. - Philip on the other hand was grinning and his eyes went bit glassy. His partner made him softer thats for sure.

- I...its good right? - the older man was still wary.

- Yeah. And those rings too. - Philip nodded and took the 'J' one to actually try it. It fit perfectly, and for a moment he didn't want to gave it back.

In the end he did it and Shotaro chuckled seeing, how hard it was for his partner. It was cute also remembering that Philip was still quite young and his innocence blended with a bit of ignorance, gave such scenes.

- Don't be sad, you'll get it properly in few days... As for now... - Shotaro give him small kiss, because well he could and was so glad about its – be patient.

Philip smiled again yet felt as his patience was melting more and more. Somehow being married to this wonderful half-boiled detective felt better by every minute.

***

On the actual wedding day Shotaro started to get a bit nervous, and wasn't sure why: there wont be many guests (well only Teruis) It will be fast and sweet. After it they will go for some fancy food, because their chief was whining 'whats a wedding without good food?!', he also had to pack some things for honeymooon, even if Philip said they should do it after the ceremony (but he didn't explain why, as always). After almost tripping over own feet, Shotaro decided to actually sit and drink something for calming down. Philip was using his laptop for check up again some bookings, and looked quite happy while doing so.

- You're not nervous at all. - the detective prompted.

- Oh I am, just doing different activities shifts my focus. - he answered, still looking at the screen.

- You are?- It was so surprising for Shotaro, he expected to hear that 'it is formality' or 'it is happy time why to be nervous'.

- Maybe I'm not having all the social experience I should at my age, yet the feeling of being with you as a husband is trilling, but also stressing. - Philip stared, and Shotaro yet again saw that very young and confused person under the genius shell.

- Ah I understand. Don't worry, it will be pleasant I promise. - he said with warm voice.

His partner just gave him small smile and finished the work. It was almost time to suit up and do the most important promise in their lives.

***

Philip was surprised, he felt so unsure of own reactions waiting to enter the main stage of the chapel. There was only one laid back 'priest' and Teruis, it wasn't any sort of contest, he knew exactly what to do and say, yet he couldn't calm down at all. On the other side he saw glimpse of Shotaro's suit. His partner was walking all the time to ease his nervousness. Normally it would be funny, but not today.

At last the priest announced the beginning of ceremony and at that signal both of partners entered main stage.

It was quiet because well, only 4 more people could make any noise: Ryu, who was looking at them neutrally, Akiko who was curious for both of them, Haruna who sat between them and played with basket of flowers petals and the priest who was smiling professionally.

Shotaro walk was so stiff, Philip almost chuckled, but was aware he himself wasn't any better.
At last they meet in the middle. The priest told his formula, but after it they didn't do the typical vow exchange, no. The older man took the Driver from behind his vest and put it on.

That was their agreement: to first make a ceremony only in their mind link. As soon as their minds joined both feel surge of mixed emotion from the other side: happiness, warmness, fear ,nervousness and many others. They started to talk. About past present and future. About their high and lows. About hopes and dreams, and even issues. From other people point of view they were silent, standing there and had only slight facial changes.

Akiko was bit disappointed at this, yet she had her dreamed wedding, so they could have it anyway they wanted too. The good thing was, the thoughts flew much faster and more effective than words, so 5 minutes of silence were equivalent of hour long talking.

At last Shotaro took the belt off and smiled softly at his partner. Both of them had tears in their eyes and started formal vows. Then ring exchange. Somehow they could do it all without any mistakes or goofs, and at last both of them finished it. Then priest announced the kiss and at last there was some reaction from Ryu who wanted to cover Haruna and somehow Akiko eyes, both from different reasons.

All the 'training' didn't go to waste and when they finished both were out of breath grinning. They took each other hand and gracefully, got down the stairs near the Teruis and Haruna could throw all the flower petals at last. Akiko was beaming with pride and Ryu smiled at last.

Now that ceremony ended they could go and eat their newlywed dinner. It was almost like every Sunday, when they meet in some family restaurant, to have a meal together, but this time food was more expensive and two now-husbands were subtly more clingy toward themselves. It was nice quality time spend with family, but it was the moment to go home and prepare for the trip.

- And remember you'll make all the reports when you get back! - Akiko said.

- You think there will be that much to do after few days? - Shotaro just laughed.

- What are you talking about? Philip negotiated 2 weeks of your absence!- she crossed her arms.

- Two. What? - he looked at his partner. So that was the surprise.

- Yes. I've booked every place we should check. It will be fun for sure! None of us was apart from Fuuto, not counting Riders fights. It is great opportunity to see other places. - Philip explained in his own fashion way.

- I was at school trip in Kyoto once but. You're right... what about Dopants and.... - Shotaro said slowly.

- Ryu will take care of any potential foe. Also, those are more rare these days so there is a high chance he won't have to. And if somehow bigger trouble occur we will call you right? - after saying that she nodded and grabbed her husband arm.

- If you put it that way... - Shotaro still wasn't sure it was a good idea but then looked at his well husband. Philip was so happy now, so full of life with a drop of the mischievous spice. Going on a trip with him was interesting at least. - Remember to call for real when there is big emergency – he said at last - And I need to repack. How much time he have to our plane? - that was the only information Philip gave few days ago, that they will by flying at the evening of their wedding day.

- I in 4 hours and seven minutes – younger man said precisely.

- That little time?! Oh god... come on Philip I really need to pack now! - he grabbed his ringed hand and dragged him to the exit.

- Bye! See you in two weeks! - the younger man waved his hand ans soon they were off the restaurant building. Good thing that Philip actually paid in advance for the food.

- They look good with each other – Akiko said smiling – But still we look 100 times cuter than them right?

Ryu took half asleep Haruna onto his hands.

- Whatever you say chief.

- And you should say that 'indeed we are!' - but she wasn't mad enough to use the slipper especially that her husband looked best: handsome, holding their now asleep daughter, throwing the fatherly aura around. She knew she was really lucky to have them and silently, wished those two dorks the same.

***

The honeymoon was indeed a ride. They barely had time to sleep, in running between trains and buses so much time. Once Shotaro half dragged half carried tired Philip toward one of their rides. When they reached the train his partner laughed and said it was like carrying bride over dorsill.

After two days Shotaro got used to this travel pattern and started to enjoy it at last, which spiraled to his partner who was even more excited. It had its ups and downs of course. He planned everything almost perfectly yet forgot they were only people and was sulking once when they couldn't go on a roller-coaster because he tried too much of a random food and only way to not to puke was slow one hour walk with his chuckling husband.

There were places that the older man wanted to see too, like that one museum (he stopped stiffen up hearing that word at last) with vintage items from his ascetically favorite times.

It was just a blast it was trip of their life, seeing all the places all the nature cities, trying foods. Only once they're stopped this crazy ride for ryokan and onsen, which let them relax a bit and then again into the swirl of adventure.

Philip bought so many things and shipped to the Agency, saying that he will just buy lower level of their building (with billiard club), because it is almost bankrupt and they need more space to live and hoard all interesting stuff anyway. Shotaro understood with bit of worry that his partner isn't joking about it. The worry transformed into acceptance after more thinking however, to live in their own space was such a nice idea.

They also send lots of souvenirs to Teruis, Akiko was still their boss and they wanted to please her and her family too. Another thing were the photos and short clips made on the camera Philip bought. Shotaro laughed that his husband might not make any research in few weeks after they will be back just to sort everything in order.

He felt into the laid-back mood for the whole trip so nothing was disturbing him, things that would be stressing weren't for now, it was just so pleasurable to see his partner in this happy-wild impression, to look at his husband, who was so jolly looking at new things places and events.

Shotaro himself was also wondered by this board world. Thats why the best photo could be made, appeared just 2 days before end of their after wedding journey.

They were on country side and at night storm hit the place. They didn't slept half of the night, not sure if the old building they were will survive this. So they talked, cuddled and talked again without any anger or issues. Just two newlyweds spending wonderful time with each other. Next day, near noon, rain stopped and they had enough of sleep to go outside.

The sky was still mostly steel gray, the wind was blowing, but the air scented nice and refreshing. Philip asked to make a slefie of them two with the sea port in the background. Shotaro agreed for it and they both stood in best spot, holding hands, in windcheaters still bit tired, but smiling. The older man had to hold up his fedora in place, protecting it form the unexpected wind blows. Philip hair were more messy than normal and were held by hair-clips octopus shaped. And the photo was made. It was so natural so.. them. Also bonus was both of their rings were seen too. After bit persuading from Philip side he finally agreed to put this one on the display near their first photo with Akiko and the one with newborn Haruna.

They were going back at last to Fuuto and while Shotaro had great fun he missed his beloved city and was glad to be there again. For now he was sitting in a train with sleeping Philip head on his laps. It was night time and people didn't care to stare too much, but to be honest he wouldn't care now.

Shotaro was no happiest man alive. He was sure there will be more difficult time in the future, yet knew it will be all right in the end. He and this wonderful, cute, smart ,eccentric and sometimes silly man that was sleeping on his laps and for him will make sure to make everything as best as it could be.

Bending, Shotaro put a small kiss on Philip temple and petted his messy hair. Oh indeed he was one lucky man.