Archive of Our Own ^beta

She does not remember falling asleep when she wakes up, and she certainly does not remember being naked.

She gets up, rather quickly, forcing someone else’s body to fall down as she grabs the blanket to cover her nudity.

But as her gaze settles on the room she is in, she immediately recognizes it.

The Horde.

"Argh! Adora!"

This voice she recognizes quickly too.

"Why did you have to throw me off the bed!" Catra’s face is finally visible as she stands up from the floor.

She quickly averts her gaze to the side.

Catra is also naked.

The other girl does not seem to be worried as much as Adora about it, though, and her spine is straightened as it usually is as she takes a few steps towards her.

"Is everything okay?"

There is something unusual about this naked version of Catra, unafraid of anyone seeing them, standing so proudly in front of her. She does not look much like herself, but she certainly is Catra.

Or..?

Something is not right, she knows it. She wants to investigate the painful feeling in her chest, to acknowledge it, but as Catra’s hand flies to her cheek, she lets this feeling go.

"Ye-a… yes… uh… yeah…"

At this Catra laughs and her eyes gleam happily. She looks carefree and as she gets even closer Adora does not dare to stop her.

It is strange when Catra kisses her.

It is strange, but something in Catra’s face tells her it is how things are supposed to be. It is how things were before she woke up.

The kiss is not long and neither it is heated, just a simple touch of lips, but Adora’s mood brightens up instantly and she eases her grip on the blanket as it slowly falls to the floor.

They are both naked now, kissing in a room where everyone should be sleeping with them.

But there is not anyone here, and Adora is only slightly worried someone might see them, as she tries to catch Catra’s lips again.

Catra does not let her, though, as she pushes her to the side slightly, chuckling playfully as she does so.

"C’mon, Force Captain Adora, time to start the day!" She winks at her, as she starts searching for their clothes.

It is quite a view, but Adora politely refuses herself the opportunity to stare as she tugs on her own pants.

…

Day goes by rather quick when they part as Catra leaves her to some of Force Captain’s duties.

There is silence wherever she goes as people look at her with sheer respect in their eyes, and she does not know why, but she feels proud.

There is a price that comes with being a Force Captain, though, as she has to fulfill her duties, and by the time she is free to go, Adora feels as drained as ever.

Finding her way to their bunk bed is easy, and she is relieved to see Catra already there.

"Hey, Adora," she purrs into her ear as her nails scratch the fabric of Adora’s shirt. "Why are you so tense?" Catra asks, her hands working on tugging her Horde jacket off her body.

"I- uh…"

She is suddenly running short on air, as she breathes in rather desperately.

She has been close with Catra throughout all of her life, sharing one bed and training everyday, but what they were doing now is somehow different.

It feels different, too.

As if it is some new sort of intimacy only they two could share with each other, as if the moment is only their’s and their’s alone.

She is the one to unite their lips in a searching kiss this time, and that kiss has nothing in common with the one they shared in the morning.

If she was suffocating before, now she is totally dying.

Her fingers are lost in the wild hair, tugging the girl even closer to herself, as if it is possible to be any closer than they already are.

But it is not enough.

Her hands move down, laying on Catra’s waist as she pushes her to the bed.

It does not seem to be Catra’s style to do as Adora tells her to but she complies, surprisingly, and Adora now lays upon her on the bed they been sharing all of their lives.

She smiles as she finally opens her eyes, only to see Catra smiling back at her.

Her eyes are gleaming playfully and her lips look as puffy as they have never been before, but what’s most important, she looks so happy.

Their next kiss starts slow, but it is soon enough even more passionate than the first one, starting the fire in a pit of Adora’s stomach.

When Catra pushes her thigh between her legs, she is incapable of being quiet as a moan escapes her lungs.

It only makes the other girl’s push her thigh more aggressively, and at some point, move them around effortlessly, as Adora’s body goes fully limp after the whole new world of sensations opens in front of her.

Catra has been on top of her quite regularly during their trainings, but never like this, when she straddles her hips and undresses herself.

The view is… undeniably worth being topped.

Catra does not seem bothered with her staring, and she looks shameless as she does a fast work of undoing her shirt and what’s underneath it.

As Adora’s eyes wander over sharp lines of Catra’s body, she decides she has never seen a body as perfect as hers.

Her hands are aching to touch small curves on Catra’s chest, to feel her skin and, most importantly, to bring her closer, but she lays unmoving, too mesmerized to do anything.

When a wave of shivers envelopes Catra’s body, though, her instincts take over and she brings her closer, just to keep her warm. To keep her safe.

It is a true miracle, being this close to someone, feeling their heart bump in their chest and touching the small hairs all over their body.

She still has that aching feeling inside of her, telling her that something… something is wrong, but she ignores it.

Adora has never felt as right before.

She kisses her, trails her fingers on a soft spine and blushes fiercely as Catra’s chest presses onto her own.

Her mouth feels dry and she is positively sure she has never been so out of breath before but she keeps going, too eager to explore this proximity…

"Adora," Catra sighs into her mouth, quickly catching her attention. "Yours too."

It takes a moment to understand what she wants, but as the girl starts pulling her shirt she knows.

It was time to get back on top, so Adora swiftly turns them over, and smirks at Catra’s moan as she pushes her leg between Catra’s thighs.

She is a quick learner, after all.

It is a hard work to take her shirt off, and Adora is impatient as she finally throws it on the floor.

They are both topless, eyes roaming across each other’s bodies, and Adora is desperate to have this moment last forever.

She leans in for another kiss, moving her thigh against Catra’s middle.

It gets very hot in the room when Catra stops her movements, mumbling something against her mouth.

"Pants."

It is a moment when Adora regrets ever wearing pants, tugging them off while trying not to crash Catra with her weight.

They both giggle when Adora’s face falls into the pillow and Catra stops her, gently turning them over.

"Let me help," she says with a smirk, her fingers picking up where Adora left her pants hanging.

When she feels a hint of breath on her thigh, she knows it is unnecessary for Catra to do it this way.

Her nails scratch her on their way down, and she can not believe that it only ignites the fire deep within her.

As her pants finally fly to the other corner of the room, Catra crawls back to her face, being considerably slower than needed. She stops too, sometimes, to kiss her skin, and when she still is not quite back Adora remembers herself.

"You- uh yours too…"

"Sorry, I did not quite catch it?" Catra feigns innocence and it should be irritating but it is actually very attractive.

Adora wishes she had anything to blame for her being such a mess right now, but they are alone in the room and she is too stubborn to admit that Catra may have such an effect on her.

"Your… your pants…"

"My pants what?"

"They… down… please?"

Catra laughs, kisses her, and tugs them down rather effortlessly, which makes Adora’s heart flutter in both admiration and jealousy.

Catra looks like she is in her element, elegant and seductive, so beautiful and… Adora’s gaze falls between her thighs and she has to gulp.

It is messy afterwards, so messy that Adora barely catches what is happening, only that she is back on top and Catra catches her lower lip with her fangs.

It is, in all honesty, impossible to describe as she struggles to catch up with her actions.

First thing she notices is that Catra’s middle is extremely hot, so hot that it burns and leaves her in a deep state of shock as her thigh keeps moving against it.

It is getting too hard to keep kissing, too hard to keep up with the tempo of their moving bodies, and so she stops.

The second thing she notices as she opens her eyes is just how attractive Catra is.

It got darker in the room, due to sun settling behind the horizon, and in the limited amount of light all of the lines on her face look sharper than ever. Her cheekbones, her jawline.

As she watches Catra’s face go through the range of feelings, Adora gets sloppier, until their rhythm is lost and Catra opens her eyes to see what’s wrong.

Third thing she notices is that somehow the sight of Catra’s eyes up so close is something she… missed? There is that feeling of something being wrong, of the whole world being torn upside down, but she pushes it aside for the sake of two of them being together, together in that small moment of intimacy, uninterrupted, connected.

They kiss again, and that kiss erases all the worry. It is soothing, it reminds her of them promising each other to always be together, and she believes this is how things are going to be.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembers them being enemies, she remembers them fighting and she pushes those memories aside as she kisses her neck and moves lower, guided by some instinct.

When she kisses her breasts, Catra gets visibly restless, and her hands gets buried in Adora’s hair, ruining her ponytail, but she does not care.

She keeps moving down, until she is near the centre of heat, and she is curious. So curious to explore this new closeness, so curious to touch and smell and taste.

When her fingers first touch it, she is surprised to hear Catra moan.

Catra has purred and groaned around her not once in their lives, but never she has heard her let out such a sound.

She touches her, slower this time, her fingers moving gently against the bundle of nerves, and as Catra pushes her face closer to her middle, she gets the memo.

Adora kisses her.

She does not hear how Catra moans this time, too overwhelmed with her own feelings, her middle burning in response to Catra’s little wiggle of hips.

She grows confident as she kisses her again, deeper this time, letting her tongue out.

This time, she finally tastes her, and it is not anything she tried before, but she instantly grows addicted to it.

She licks now, her tongue flattening at moments, making Catra tug her hair and cry in agony.

It does not take much for Catra to go completely stiff as her spine curls and her hands shove Adora’s head the deepest they can into her heat.

After this, though, she lets go completely, tiredly looking at Adora. Her eyes are barely open as she smiles and kisses Adora’s swollen lips, and they both lay down on the bed, snuggling and keeping each other warm without the blankets.

There is a long moment of complete silence, disturbed only by the sounds of some motors roaring on the lower floors.

It is so peaceful and Adora just can’t help thinking that it can’t be. Can’t be like this.

"Hey, Catra?" She nudges her shoulder lightly, afraid that the girl is already asleep, but when their eyes meet she is reluctant to speak.

"Adora?"

She does not know how to explain it without sounding dumb so she just ducks her head into her shoulders and closes her eyes.

"You can tell me," Catra’s voice is soft and she knows, she knows that Catra is never as soft. She can’t be.

"I-… I am just… I feel like something is… wrong?"

"What do you mean wrong? Everything is perfect, Adora!" Catra laughs, her smile growing so big it is almost the size of her face.

When she looks at her, when she really looks at her, she sees how her eyes shine brightly and how there is no pain inside of them, no pain she has grown used to seeing reflected in those eyes.

Everything is perfect, she said.

"Yeah, it is…"

But maybe it is just a little bit too perfect to be true.

***

Next morning they wake up curled up in each other, and Adora still can’t believe they don’t have any roommates.

This feels weird, she knows, but she does not question it.

She does not question, when the doors she for sure knew where there start disappearing right in front of her eyes, and she does not question it when the girl — Scorpia — tells her she does not like her even though she is sure they have never met before.

She does not question it as Shadow Weaver clears Catra’s face from the cake and she does not question it when she sees a giant lightning tear the space apart.

They say it has been a week, though, when she only remembers sleeping for a day, and this is when there is this feeling creeping at the back of her head.

Something is wrong, something is very wrong.

***

They climb to their usual place, sitting on the roof and watching sun set.

She does not remember climbing, but Catra does, and so she does not question it either.

They sit in silence, talking about the Horde and the Rebellion, exchanging longing gazes and just being their true selves.

For a moment, Adora really thinks she is happy.

As it gets darker their mood changes, and there is a lot of inappropriate touching involved.

Catra licks her neck and she is short of breath again, feeling the need to go back to their room.

She stands up, smiling at the pouty face Catra makes at her ‘betrayal’.

"Come with me," she says, as she takes Catra’s hand.

Come with me. Come with me. Come with me.

The wind blows on them smoothly, whooshing lightly, as they look each other deep in the eyes.

It is in that moment, that Catra’s face changes, from the carefree expression she has just been wearing a moment ago to the hurt eyes and a violent smirk.

"Catra?" She asks, but the girl stands up, slowly, gripping Adora’s hand and pushing her close.

She kisses her, and it is a painful kiss, but Adora lets her, still not catching up as to what got Catra so upset.

Everything is perfect.

Everything was perfect.

Catra’s fangs graze the thin skin on her neck and it is painful, it is painful but she does not push her aside.

"Catra," she breathes out, her eyes teary as she lets Catra push her to the floor. "Catra, what are you…?"

She does not get answers, she does not get anything in return.

But Catra kisses her, she kisses her hard and bloodily and the taste of her own blood on her tongue gives thrills to Adora. She finally pushes Catra to the side so that she is on top now, looking at her and not understanding what changed.

"Catra, I-"

She does not get to finish.

Catra pushes her down, her hands resting on Adora’s spine, and that kiss is different.

It is not much softer, but it is not as painful, and then when Adora finally relaxes into it, Catra pierces her back with her nails, pushing them deeper and deeper in.

It does not hurt.

At first, it does not hurt at all.

But after a moment, after all the memories come to her, after she remembers Catra’s face as she opened the portal… her face when they danced… her face when she kidnapped her… when she kidnapped her friends… her face when…

It can not hurt as much as her memories do.

This is the first time they look at each other with full recognition, first time she sees Catra for whom she had become, first time that kissing her burns and first time she can no longer bear this pain.

They are interrupted by a giant lightning grazing the sky.

It is not only that, though, and a roof starts disappearing as they look at it.

There is no point in denying that it is more important than whatever they have to say to each other.

So they run.

***

When the portal is finally closed, she wakes up for real, and in this real world it really is a pain to open her eyes.

She groans from her headache, opening her eyes slowly and focusing on the only person in the room that she… that she… hates. The most.

"Catra."

The girl is barely standing, her hair messy and clothes ripped at some places, as she opens her eyes and looks back at Adora.

It is hard, to look at her now, when she has only just tasted her, felt her, seen her in a perfect bliss underneath her…

It is harder to hate her when she remembers her smiling shyly and making her a cake for her new position as a Force Captain.

It is impossible to hate her when for a moment, for a moment so small that it seems time has broken apart again and they are existing in a second that keeps repeating itself, she sees Catra, true Catra, the girl that has been her best friend for so long, look back at her with hesitation.

Catra takes a step, one step in her direction, but Hordak whines at her side and she is quickly distracted.

"We have to go!" She yells, and Adora watches her retreat, happy that the enemy is finally defeated but at the same moment, so broken that it feels she will never be full again.

"ADORA, YOU DID IT! YOU CLOSED THE PORTAL!" Bow yells in her ear, and she smiles at him and her friends.

They did it.

They are all safe now.

Catra is safe now.

"C’mon, we are going back home!"

As she gets in circle, she thinks about Catra and where she will go.

The rest of the day is a blur, and when she gets to her bed, she wishes, selfishly, that she was still in that weird reality, where Catra and her were together.

When she hears Glimmer crying about the loss of her mum, though, she can not forget Catra for what she has put them through.

There is just no getting back from it.