Chapter Text
He says all the right things at exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you and you don’t know why
Vertical Horizons -Everything You Want
TONIGHT WAS THE anniversary of Prince Felicia’s rise to power. She was throwing her annual party at TBA’s, the local Kindred hangout. The Gangrel clan was handling the security for the evening, and Donna, the eldest Gangrel in the city, had asked Luke to be there early and help.
As I stepped from the shower and dried myself, my mind was not on my friend Luke Thomas or on Donna or even on the party that evening. As it had more and more often in the last few months, my mind turned to Jason Kline.
I pulled my undergarments on and remembered dressing for a special dinner with Jason what seemed like a lifetime ago. I tried not to think about how right it had felt to be in his arms while we danced with San Francisco spread out before us like a magic carpet of lights.
I turned on the hair dryer and worked at drying my long, dark hair. Its heat reminded me of the morning sun on my face at the monastery in Italy, and of the charmed cape that allowed me to see the sunrise without injury. I struggled to forget how the mage that had come for Jason and the sight of him bound to the altar, screaming in agony as I was forced to leave him there to protect the crystal.
I blinked away the red film that obscured my vision and turned the dryer off. Tears hadn’t changed anything two years ago; they sure wouldn’t help me now.
I lifted my hair to pull it up into a twist, then abruptly let if fall free. Jason had liked my hair up, he’d said that he enjoyed taking it down for me, but Luke liked it loose and flowing past my shoulders.
A vision flashed in my mind of the way I had looked after my car accident in LA. My hair had fallen from its pins and the dress I’d worn had been torn and bloody. Lena Stockton and I had gone to the city to search for Talon Graves, Jason’s ‘employer,’ hoping he could help us find Jason. Instead I had almost ended my existence in a horrible car accident and had been reunited with Luke, an old and trusted friend.
Luke and I had acted like lovers while we searched for Jason and Graves, but in fact it hadn’t been until some months after Luke returned to Vegas with me that we had become lovers in truth. How do you live with a man who adores you and not have sex with him? Or, more accurately, how do you live with a man to whom you are two thirds blood bonded to and not have sex with him? Answer: I didn’t.
It didn’t help for me to remember that Luke was fully bound to me. The first time he had fed from me, he’d had no choice. He’d been injured and the only way I felt I could save him was to force-feed him my vitae. It had worked and he had healed. Then, months later, the first time we had made love he had sunk his fangs into my throat. It had been so erotic that I hadn’t even thought to struggle.
We had argued afterward, but Luke hadn’t seen a problem with feeding from me; he already loved me, a full blood bond wouldn’t make him care for me any more. How could I argue with that? A few weeks later he had again fed during sex, bringing the blood bond to full strength. I had cried afterward, nearly overwhelmed with the desire to return the ‘kiss’ and complete the bond that he had over me. I had barely resisted the temptation. If he had asked me to drink from him, I would have, but Luke never brought the subject up.
Over the next year, Luke had feed from me often, usually during sex. I had buried the shame I felt at making love with Luke so deeply that it only surfaced when I thought of Jason. The problem was that I thought of him more and more as the months went on.
I applied makeup sparingly to the lids of my green eyes and my cheekbones. The mirror told me that I looked young and very much alive, unchanged by the mortal death that would never touch me.
I swayed on my feet as my thoughts evoked the agony I’d felt when I was told that Jason was dead. Luke had seen me through those weeks, and we had grown quite close while our cover story threw off any suspicions there may have been about our search through Europe.
I also remembered the anger I felt when I’d realized that Jason was alive and hadn’t bothered to contact me. Several weeks after I’d been told of his death he’d asked Graves to bring me a box in Nashville, but even when I finally had talked to Jason, he refused to see me.
Pushing the memories aside I looked in my jewelry box for my favorite earrings. I was more than a little concerned when I could only find one of them; they had been a gift from Antonio. I chose another pair and fastened a silver chain around my neck. The necklace reminded me of the long gold chain that held the cross Jason had sent to me in Nashville. His gift of the cross had revealed to me that he had been embraced and no longer needed his domitor’s vitae.
I remembered how the blood remaining in the cross had helped me to revive Luke when he’d been injured during a fierce gunfight in Nashville. I had been terrified that he would die and that I would lose him as surely as I’d lost Jason. Graves’ powerful vitae had given me the strength to force-feed Luke blood from my own body.
I stepped into the formal black sequined gown I’d chosen for this evening’s party. I slid the thin straps up my arms and reached back to zip it up. I turned back to the nightstand and opened the drawer. Underneath a thick novel was a small black bag.
I opened the bag’s drawstrings and dumped its contents into my hand. For a moment I did what I hadn’t allowed myself to do in months: I looked at the ring, really looked at it.
I referred to it as a ring, but it was really a beautiful wedding set of two rings intertwined in such a way that they appeared to be one. The leafed design of the bands locked together beautifully, and the large diamond solitaire of the engagement ring sat like a glittering crown on top.
I turned the ring in my hand and remembered its mate, the man’s wedding band that Jason had worn. I flinched at the image of Jason’s smiling face when I had slipped the ring on his finger. I blinked in an effort to drive the memory away.
I slid the ring on my left ring finger and remembered when Jason had given it to me. We had been happy and laughing while we planned our trip to Europe, and for a moment I could almost believe that he’d never been abducted from the monastery, that he’d never walked away from me in San Francisco.
Ruthlessly I ripped the ring from my finger. Jason had been taken, and Luke, Lena and I had spent a month of grueling fear, anger and uncertainty before Jason had approached me on the streets of San Francisco.
He’d proceeded to tell me that things were different, that I couldn’t see his face, couldn’t be alone with him. No amount of my heartfelt words or Lena’s pleadings had changed his mind. Luke’s anger at Jason’s treatment of me had only served to drive Jason further away.
Even when I tossed him the wedding band and begged him to wear it, I could sense no emotion in him. In desperation I’d told him that I loved him, the first time I had ever done so. Jason had coldly told me that I’d get over it and proceeded to walk out of my life.
Luke had returned to Vegas with me and agreed to stay for as long as I needed him. Although I had told myself in the beginning that I was giving my relationship with Luke every opportunity to blossom, by now I doubted my feelings would ever hold a candle to the bright sun of Luke’s love for me, or the strength of my love for Jason.
I put the ring back in the small bag and told myself, as I did every night, that this would be the night that I would leave it in the drawer. I resolved, as I did every night, to put Jason’s memory behind me and stop loving him.
I tried to make myself put the ring back in the drawer, I really did. Instead I found myself pinning the bag low enough inside my bodice that it couldn’t be seen between my breasts. I often wore the ring pinned there; other times I strung it on a long chain and hid it beneath my blouse. Each morning I put the ring away so Luke didn’t find it when we slept, but each night I found myself taking it out and carrying it with me like a talisman.
I sighed and picked up my evening bag. Because tonight’s party was an Elysium function, no weapons were allowed save those carried by security. I felt naked and vulnerable without my Glocks, but I knew that Luke would be armed and that he would protect me with his life if need be.
I went downstairs to join him, a little amused at his discomfort in the tuxedo he was wearing. His brown eyes took in every inch of my appearance and made me feel beautiful without saying a word. He looked very dashing, with his long blond hair loose about his shoulders and the tuxedo emphasizing his strong build. I was struck with the longing to avoid the prince’s party. I almost told him that I wanted to stay home, but I knew I couldn’t interfere with his duties.
He pulled me against him for a passionate kiss, his teeth scraping against my tongue just hard enough to bring blood. I laughed deep in my throat and allowed him to drink briefly before pulling back.
“Unless you want to stay home this evening….” I said quietly.
He smiled. “I’ll behave. I know they need me.” After one last kiss where he ran his tongue along the wounds in my mouth to close them, he took my hand and we left for TBA’s.