Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jane sighed as she dropped the last box onto the floor. Sweat covered her arms and lower back. She brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and put her hands on her hips, surveying the space around her. The apartment was tiny – not much bigger than her first place away from home – but she had been incredibly lucky to find an affordable place near Quantico. It had a modest bedroom, a perfunctory bathroom, with the kitchen and living areas combined.

Currently the living and kitchen area were full of cardboard boxes and furniture that had been haphazardly placed by the movers. Her bed frame and mattress were the only things that had been put in their proper place. Jane had been far more concerned with getting everything in by nightfall than worrying about where to put her things. She could deal with that later. Though, admittedly, that column was starting to hit capacity and later was fast approaching.

Jane rubbed her face with her palm before flopping onto the couch that was partially blocking the hallway. She had so much to do. It was Friday. Her first day of work was the following Monday. She rubbed the spot over her heavy heart, her fingers trembling slightly as nervousness skittered up her spine. It was too late to ask all the questions bouncing around in her head. She couldn’t be second guessing herself. Not now. Not when she was already nearly 450 miles from the only place she’d ever known as home.

Getting up every day was beginning to be an arduous process. Crawling out of bed, with all of her aches and pains, then putting on her badge and holstering her weapon was getting harder and harder. There were so many days these last few months she wanted nothing more than to just lay in bed, curled up in a ball. She was so ungodly tired. She knew other detectives who suffered from burnout. But this, the disquiet she’d felt in her bones, the anxiety in her chest that was getting bigger and bigger – it was all getting to be harder and harder for her to ignore.

She didn’t know how to ask for a break. That would mean she’d have to admit she needed one. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t voice her demons out loud. That would put her in too much of a vulnerable position. She could never show her belly like that, not even to the people closest to her, even if she was sure they would understand her. It would cost her too much. The hole she’d been digging herself into was getting deeper and darker, then all of a sudden, the DC offer fell into her lap. It was a sign, it had to be. So, she grabbed it with both hands and ran to the light, damn the consequences.

And here she was – in a new city, on the cusp of a new life, away from her family and friends, and, now, now she was starting to second guess herself. She dropped her head to the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

Before she could ruminate any further, her cell phone chimed from the kitchen counter. With serious effort, Jane pushed herself up from the couch and walked toward it. An automatic smile spread across her face as she saw Maura’s name on the lock screen. A pleasant warmth settled in her stomach. Maura always had that effect on her. Rather than answer back Maura’s text, Jane swiped to the video chat function. It didn’t take long for Maura’s smiling face to fill her phone screen.

“Hey, hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

Maura shook her head. “Hi, not at all. I just had dinner and now I’m reading in the living room.” Her picture went a little fuzzy as she spoke.

“Us Weekly or Cosmo?” Jane teased.

Maura rolled her eyes and held up her National Geographic magazine. “Neither.”

Jane shook her head with a small smile. Maura’s face was still fuzzy, and Jane hated that she couldn’t see her properly. When she left home, she’d wanted to give Maura her own goodbye, but due to time constraints it hadn’t been possible. She had given everyone a hug before jumping into her car, but Maura’s had been the longest and the tightest. She was the hardest for Jane to leave, and when she saw the tears in those hazel eyes and just how so very sad Maura was, Jane almost didn’t get into her car at all. But Maura had given her a playful shove, had whispered go. And here they were. Miles and miles apart.

As the thoughts swirled around her, her eyes drifted back to Maura, a woman who so casually took up so much space inside her head without even realizing it. Maura’s shoulders were drooped, and even through the blurriness Jane could see the pronounced frown lines around her mouth. The lighthearted mood she’d felt just moments before evaporated almost as quickly as it came. A heaviness began to settle across her shoulders like a thick blanket. She couldn’t shake it off. “You want a tour?” Jane found herself asking.

Maura sat up straighter with a nod at the screen. She brought her wine glass to her mouth and took a small sip. “Please.”

“Okay so,” Jane turned the camera around so the view was the room and not her face, “you’ll have to use your imagination.”

Maura laughed, “who knew you had so much stuff? It didn’t seem like that much when we packed it all.”

“Right?”

“Did you just get done?”

“Yeah, it’s almost an eight-hour drive.” Jane rolled her neck from side to side, even though Maura couldn’t see. “I didn’t want to lose the movers, so I kept to the speed limit. Mostly.”

Maura shook her head, a small smile on her lips, as she took another sip from her glass.

“It’s pretty uninspiring, I know, but I’ll put the couch here,” she waved at the empty space along one wall.

“Much better place than where it currently is – I approve.” Maura teased.

Jane rolled her eyes. “When you visit, I’m going to put it back where it is blocking the hallway, just for you.”

There was a pause, before Maura spoke. “You want me to visit?” Her voice was quiet and a vulnerability Jane seldom heard from her wove into the words.

The softly spoken question cut into Jane like a knife. “Of course, I want you to visit.” The words were automatic, but thoughts rushed through her brain one after the other. I wish you were here right now. I wish I was there. I wish I didn’t come. When she settled into her car that morning and started driving something in her gut told her she was making a mistake. That same feeling reverberated inside her head, in her chest, now. She’d always listened, always led with her heart – but this couldn’t be a mistake. It just couldn’t.

The call ended fifteen minutes later with Jane showing Maura her bedroom, which was mostly together and the bathroom which she still needed to find a shower curtain for. Jane had tried to ask about Maura’s day, how it was after she’d left, if her mother had ever stopped with the hysterics, but Maura had been vague and barely responsive. Jane had a feeling that Maura was dealing with the same heaviness she was.  Jane didn’t know how to fix it, for either of them. She only hoped time would help them both. They had parted with a promise to call at the end of next week.

When Jane ended the call, she flopped back onto her misplaced couch. Her heart pounded in her chest; she pinched the bridge of her nose with shaky fingers.

How did they get here?

She didn’t know when it started or how – this crack between her and Maura. But it had grown and grown and grown. Jane knew it was her fault. She was a master at pushing people away. She was so used to shoving down her own feelings and emotions she didn’t know what to do when confronted with them. Frankie had called her emotionally constipated before, told her she was hard to get to know, hard to care for. It was an off the cuff remark during a game of pool after a rough case. No one had refuted him. Not even Maura. The words cut deeper than she cared to admit because he was right.

But rather than own that, rather than accept the help and shoulders to lean on she’d buried it further in her chest. Down and down and down. And pushed those around her further and further away. By the time she’d realized it wouldn’t kill her to reach for the hands that wanted to help her, she was all alone.

It was just her. Like here. Like now.

Everything was falling apart around her, it seemed, and that even included the steadiest thing in her life: Maura.

They had followed through and gone to Paris together. It was the first time Jane had been out of the country, and she was so happy she got to share that experience with Maura. But there was something just a little bit off, a little bit not right about their interactions. Her leaving Boston had put a dark cloud over most of the vacation. They had to have fun in spite of the knowledge that she’d be leaving when they got back. A sense of finality colored every interaction, and by the time they’d gotten back home Jane had felt worse than when she left, and her relationship with Maura felt even more strained than it had before.

Jane took a deep breath as she stared at the mess around her. Conflicting emotions swirled within her.

She wished Maura was here. Or that she was back in Boston. She wished things weren’t so broken between them. That she wasn’t so broken. Then maybe – surely – none of this would be happening right now.

Jane brought up google on her phone to find a pizza place that would deliver.  She would build a life here. She had to. It was what she wanted. What she convinced herself she needed.

Chapter Text

Maura looked up from the paperwork in front of her at the soft knock on her open office door. It was Frankie. He looked a little timid, his crooked grin gave away that he wanted something from her.

“Sorry for disturbing you, Maura.” He pulled at his tie uncomfortably, clearly not used to it yet. His shirt looked like it’d been ironed that morning, and there was a sharp crease to his slacks. She briefly wondered if Angela had done it for him.

Maura sat up straighter, motioning for him to fully enter her office.

There was something nice about working with Frankie. Not only was he familiar, but he was also kind. He was young and smart, and very eager to learn. Those qualities would take him far, just like they had taken his sister. It would be a pleasure to watch him come into his own within the department.

He sat on the other side of her desk, while she explained the lab report to him and answered each of his questions. After he left, she sat back in her chair with a sigh. They were working their first case without Jane, now. Maura was missing her presence everywhere. It had been so strange to walk up to the crime scene the morning before and not be greeted by Jane’s cocky grin or a quick quip. Instead, she’d seen Frankie’s face and a fresh detective she’d only met in passing talking to a uniformed officer guarding the scene.

While she was doing the autopsy, part of her kept glancing toward the door, expecting and hoping to see Jane’s lanky form walking through it. Frankie had sat in on the autopsy with her, instead. He wore a mask and asked question after question. She appreciated his willingness to be there and learn. But it wasn’t the same.

Jane hadn’t even been gone but a few days, and Maura already missed her terribly.

Maura shook her head at herself. She was being ridiculous. It wasn’t like Jane moved across the country. She didn’t skip time zones. D.C. was less than a ten-hour drive. Smartphones existed. In this day and age, there were about a million different ways to stay connected with people far away. They would stay in touch. But, no matter how many times Maura told herself those things, no matter how many times she repeated it over and over in her mind – she knew undoubtedly that it wouldn’t be the same.

She set her pen down and tapped her phone screen, bringing it to life. After unlocking it, she found herself swiping to her photo albums. She clicked on the album from their trip to Paris. Of course, there were shots of the monuments, the catacombs, the French scenery, and pictures of all the food they ate. But what Maura really was looking for were all the candid shots of Jane and the two of them together.

For as striking of a woman as Jane was, she wasn’t the type that liked to have her picture taken. So, Maura was happy she’d been able to sneak as many shots of her as she did. There was one shot in particular that always took Maura’s breath away when she looked at it – and she looked at it often. They were both standing on the balcony of their hotel suite just at sunrise. The picture wasn’t even of Jane’s full face, just her profile. Wild strands of obsidian hair waved in the slight breeze. There was a slight curve at the corner of her lips, strong jaw and lean neck on full display as her eyes stared in awe at the beautiful sunset before them. Maura had never seen such a gorgeous sight.

The image was one she’d been turning to in the days after Jane left. Of course, there were other ones. Fun ones. Jane giving the stink eye to some of the French cuisine that Maura had ordered. Jane sleeping on her shoulder during the long plane ride. The one when she was sleeping in the airport on the way over when their plane was delayed for four hours. Her lanky body took up several seats as she laid across an open bench at an ungodly hour.

Even though Jane’s impending departure from Boston clouded their time together, Maura couldn’t look at their time there with anything but fondness and happiness. The trip had been a great idea, and she was happy that Jane had surprised her with traveling with her. She made memories there with her best friend that she would cherish for the rest of her days.

Something else happened in Paris, too. Between the plane rides, the tours, the different foods, and Jane’s light laughter – Maura had realized something, something really, really important.

She was in love.

She was wholly, and completely irrevocably in love with her best friend.

She had no idea why she hadn’t seen it before. Willful ignorance, she supposed. But still it shocked her. Of course, she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. There was no way that Jane felt the same way. Jane showed no signs of reciprocating. And Jane was leaving anyway. It was a choice she had made, easily. It wouldn’t have been fair, Maura believed, to try to keep Jane in Boston by admitting she’d fallen in love with her. She didn’t understand why someone as rooted as Jane would want to leave the only place she’d known as home, but she didn’t have to understand. It wasn’t her place. She could only be what Jane allowed her to be. And Jane had a nasty habit of keeping everyone at arm’s length. Even Maura.

There were times that Maura felt like she’d broken through one of Jane’s walls, only to find another one immediately behind it. Jane was a hard woman to love, but the payoff was always worth it. Her loyalty and care were unparalleled. It was at least part of the reason Maura attributed to her newfound feelings – which didn’t actually feel that new. But Maura would not jeopardize their friendship. Besides, Jane didn’t even live in the same city as she did anymore and there was little to no chance of her coming back.

Maura closed the file on her desk, and stood from her chair. She needed a break. The ghost of Jane was everywhere in her office. She needed to go somewhere where Jane wouldn’t follow her, somewhere Jane had never been. Luckily, there was a new café a few blocks over from the station. She and Jane were supposed to have tried it out, but they never got around to it. She was waiting on test results that wouldn’t be ready for a couple more hours, and it was lunch time. It was a good time as any to get some much-needed air.

…

The bell chimed above the door as she entered the café. The line to order was five people deep. The couple at the front were taking their time deciding what they wanted, a man in a business suit was talking on the phone after them, and a pretty blond woman stood in front of her. 

Maura didn’t mind the wait. At least here, she wouldn’t see Jane in a corner booth like she would at The Robber or see her in a corner chair at the Division One Café. This was fresh territory.

Maura took her time looking at the menu from the back of the line. She figured out what she wanted to order and took out her phone. On impulse she swiped to the text chain she shared with Jane. She smiled sadly at the last message the day before. Jane had sent her a picture of herself standing in front of the mirror with her official name badge on and her briefcase. Maura had wished her luck for her first day. She closed out of the message tab on her phone and put it back into her purse. Her whole purpose of being here was to get away from those thoughts.

The blond in front of her seemed to have finished fiddling with her phone as well and slid it into the side pocket of her purse. The door behind them chimed and the woman instinctively looked back. Deep blue eyes caught Maura’s and the blond smiled. Maura smiled kindly at her in return. The woman faced forward again as the line moved up, then she turned back toward Maura. She seemed to contemplate her words for a moment before she began to speak, “you should really try their chicken Caesar wrap. It’s amazing.”

Maura smiled, “thank you for the recommendation.”

The line moved quickly after that, and soon she’d ordered a chicken Caesar wrap as the strange woman told her to. At hearing her order, the blond woman who was standing close enough to hear, gave her a quick wink before walking out the door with her sack of food and a drink 

A few minutes later, Maura sat in a booth next to the window. She ate her lunch quietly, contemplating how she had gotten to this exact moment in her life. She didn’t know where to go from here. Writing was something fun she was trying to do, but that would take time. It was a skill that she needed to hone in order to be successful. But until then, she needed to find something else to fill the void that Jane had left. Maybe she should give Hope a call and see if she could offer her services at her clinic. It was always a challenge working on live patients.

Chapter Text

Jane let out a harried curse as her fingers slipped on the third button of her shirt. She didn’t know what it was that was making her hands ache so badly, but it was causing her more problems than she was willing to admit. It wasn’t really the pain itself that was the worst part, it was losing the function and dexterity she needed to do simple tasks. It irritated her to no end. She could barely hold her toothbrush, and had relied mostly on mouthwash to get a clean feeling in her mouth. And now, her shirt was not cooperating. She sighed.

She’d had these injuries for years at this point. She ought to be used to it by now, except sometimes these moments of weakness still caught her off guard.

Five minutes later, she finally left her apartment. Her keys fumbled in her tense hands awkwardly as she locked the door and almost dropped them onto her doormat.

As she walked to her car, she looked up at the sky with a grimace. Even at this hour, dark and dreary clouds swirled above her. She started her car with a scowl. It was going to be a long day.

…

Jane stood at the front of her empty classroom flipping through her notes. It was such a strange change of pace to be here. In a classroom. The fit still felt wrong, like a jacket that was just a little bit too small but was still functional.

It helped, she guessed, that she was teaching adults rather than high school students. But still, some of them looked like babies to her. Just out of college, just out of the service, barely old enough to have lived any life and here she was getting them ready for a career that could potentially maim them or worse. She flexed her hands almost involuntarily, the pain spreading through her wrists.

She glanced up as she heard the first of her students walk into the room.

There were the steady front row seaters – always studiously taking notes, always had a pen and paper at the ready. They reminded her the most of Maura. The ones at the back that slouched, but were still attentive – reminded her of herself. It’d been a week of this song and dance. She may have been new to this, but she had her eye on the ones she felt would do well and the ones she felt may not make it. They were all capable just by getting this far, but the academy was grueling. All of the instructors, including Jane, were tasked with getting these people ready for a life of working with the FBI in whatever capacity they’d choose. Even though it all still felt a bit wrong, it was a task she wasn’t going to take lightly.

Jane swallowed hard, as she did before beginning every class. “Today’s lesson is…”

…

Later, as Jane was walking to the break room, another instructor came from a classroom and walked with her. At a glance, he didn’t look much older than her with his salt-and-pepper hair and a neatly trimmed beard. “You must be the new one.” He held out his hand. “Eric Walters.”

“Jane Rizzoli.” She held back her grimace as pain shot up her arm during the handshake, but she kept her grip firm knowing how much it would say about her. She wasn’t going to be known as the waif with the weak handshake.

“Ah.” He tilted his head to the side, giving her a once over, “the cop from Boston.”

“Guilty.”

“Oh, that’s a dirty word.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed and held the door open for her. “How do you like the city so far?”

“Thanks.” She walked past him outside. The clouds looked impossibly darker, and Jane found herself rubbing the insides of her palms on reflex. “I haven’t had much time to explore, to be honest.”

He nodded in understanding. He waited a beat, before pointing at her hands and the scar her fingers were still pressed into. “You know, my wife once nearly stabbed her palm like that while trying to cut an avocado. Just barely missed.”

Jane shoved her hands into her pockets. “Right.” She could feel a blush creep up her neck. That wasn’t a response she’d gotten before. But of course, they didn’t know her story here. She was sure some of them knew – the ones who cared enough to look her up, but most wouldn’t put that amount of effort in, not for a simple instructor.

Thunder clapped loudly in the distance. Eric glanced at her making a funny face. “No dawdling then. See you around, Jane. If you want someone to show you around the city sometime, don’t hesitate to ask!” He half-shouted the words as he sped to his car.

Jane shook her shoulders and looked to the sky as fat droplets of rain began to fall.

Back at her apartment, Jane sat on her couch with a sigh. Thunder rolled in the background as wind blew heavy raindrops against her windows.

She flexed her hands against her thighs. She hadn’t had this much trouble with them in such a long time. She’d had to stop at a store on her way home to get some muscle rub and NSAID’s.

She’d taken the medicine and her apartment now smelled of menthol, but some of the ache was receding. Not by much, and not quickly – but it was enough for her to loosen her jaw which had been clamped shut. She flexed the fingers of one hand and then the other. The scars, even all these years later, still stood starkly against her olive complexion.

Hands are useful things, Hoyt’s voice whispered into her ear, yours used to play the piano. Jane shook her head trying to get him out of it. She could see him in the shadowy corners of her new apartment, could feel his eyes on her, feel his stale breath on her face.

He wasn’t supposed to follow her here.

He was dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Her heart pounded in her chest. She glanced toward her untouched phone. The thought of calling Maura swept through her mind more than once. But what would she say? What would she do? She’d moved so far away from the only person that she’d ever been willing to show this weakness, and now what? It wasn’t like she could depend on Maura forever. Maura had better things to do with her life, didn’t she?

With a shaking breath, she repositioned herself on the couch and brought her knees to her chest. She took several deep breaths and started counting. She’d been here before enough to know that when the pain lessened, everything else wouldn’t feel so big.

She had thought it would’ve been freeing to be nobody. To have a clean slate and have no one know her past, her trauma – but it wasn’t. All it meant was that she had nowhere to go.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The sound of laughter caught Maura’s attention as she exited the patient room she’d just been in. Over the last week as she’d volunteered at MENDS after working in the morgue, she’d learned that hearing laughter (and sometimes cries) was not an abnormality. This was a place of healing. It was incredibly different than her own office. She wasn’t sure if it was a good fit for her long-term, but it was okay for the moment.

This time however, the laughter was coming from Hope and a half-way familiar blond woman by her side. She was wearing black slacks, with a charcoal button-up with her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, a clunky bag on her shoulder and wheeling one behind her. Her hair was halfway pulled back, showing off high cheekbones, and an immaculate smile. When she turned to look at Maura, dark blue eyes shone through fashionable, thick framed glasses, Maura was able to place her. It was the chicken wrap woman from the café a few days prior. As the penny dropped for Maura, it seemed to as well for the mystery woman. A megawatt smile lit up her face. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Hope stood to the side looking at the two of them with narrowed eyes. She cleared her throat. “Dr. Howard,” she gestured to the blond, “has graciously volunteered her expertise in installing some upgrades to our computer software. It should make everything easier for us, and get us completely in the twenty-first century. And this,” she gestured to Maura, “Is Dr. Maura Isles…one of our volunteers.” Maura tried not to let Hope’s rebuff bother her, but she’d be lying if she said it didn’t sting.

Abby raised her hands in mock surrender, taking a step back. “Please, I’m not a doctor like you both are,” she admitted, “just a doctor for computers. I also teach computer science at the local university.”

Maura smiled warmly, “still, it’s a pleasure to officially meet you, Dr. Howard.”

“Abby, please.” She shook Maura’s hand. “My students don’t even call me Dr. Howard.” Abby glanced to Hope, “we met briefly at the café around the corner.”

Hope nodded in understanding.

Maura was going to add to the conversation before a nurse called for her. “If you’ll excuse me. It was nice to officially meet you, Abby.”

Abby smiled warmly, “maybe we’ll see each other around.”

Maura smiled as she walked backwards, “maybe.”

…

A few hours later, Maura ran into Abby – almost literally – as they were both reaching for the exit door. Abby smiled – she smiled a lot, Maura noticed. It was a nice one, too – almost toothy, and a little crooked, a small dimple in her left cheek. Abby seemed like she was about to rush forward to hold the door, but Maura beat her to it seeing as she only had her purse while Abby had two large bags.

As Abby walked by her, Maura could feel her eyes linger on her body. Earlier she’d been in non-descript scrubs, but now she was in her street clothes - a fitted dress and heels - and Abby seemed to like what she saw. The once over was subtle, but Maura had noticed. She raised an eyebrow at Abby as she met her on the other side of the door. A cute rosy color burst across Abby’s cheeks, she shrugged her shoulders in a can you blame me kind of way that made Maura smile.

After a moment, Abby cleared her throat. “So…did you try the chicken Caesar wrap as I suggested?”

“I did.” Maura nodded. “You were right, it was delicious. Thank you.”

“Which way are you?”

“This way.” Maura pointed further down the sidewalk.

Abby brightened, “me too! Do you have your own practice? Or work at a hospital? Dr. Martin mentioned you were a volunteer.”

Maura worried her bottom lip before responding. How many times had Jane told her to not tell people she dissected dead people for a living? That was definitely more second or third date material. The d word snagged across her mind quickly. She wasn’t even thinking about dates. And she doubted Abby was either, despite her actions earlier. She was used to people looking. She had nothing to lose by telling this woman the truth. Besides, she had no shame about her career choice. It was fulfilling work and she enjoyed it. “I’m a doctor, but my patients are usually already dead before they get to me. I’m the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I only just started volunteering regularly at MENDS. Hope…Dr. Martin is…we know each other. And I enjoy giving back to the community. It’s nice to work on live patients every once in a while.”

Abby gave a low whistle. “Impressive.”

“You can say it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird.” Abby shook her head. “It is a bit macabre but,” she turned on the sidewalk and gave Maura another good once over, at the more direct appraisal Maura felt her cheeks burn with a slight blush. “I think it suits you.” She gave a curt nod and started walking again.

Maura laughed – the noise sudden and unexpected. “I don’t know whether to be offended by that or not.” She finally said.

Abby grinned, a self-satisfied smile. “Definitely not.”

“Where are you headed?”

“Back to campus. I’ve got a six o’clock class.”

“Where are you parked?”

“Oh, around the corner. There’s a garage.” She fiddled with the strap on her shoulder. “I can parallel park, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t like to.”

Maura couldn’t help but laugh at the confession. “I don’t blame you, to be honest. It can be a pain.”

“Where are you?”

“Just at the end of the street there.” She pointed.

“I’ll walk with you.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence. The sun was out, the bright rays beat down on Maura’s head but rather than be uncomfortable with the heat she embraced it, turning her face toward the light with her eyes closed and taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, Abby was staring at her.

Her cheeks blushed a bright red again, and Maura couldn’t help but smile at the endearing quality. Finally, they got to Maura’s car. Abby dropped her hand off her roller bag, and grasped the strap on her shoulder with both hands. “So,” she licked her lips nervously, “I don’t usually do this, but what are the odds that we meet twice in such a short span of time?” She took a deep breath. “Do you want to maybe get dinner with me? Maybe Friday? I mean you already took one of my recommendations, not to brag, but I am full of them. There’s this hole in the wall restaurant that’s invite only and all their food is to die for. They have different theme nights, and –”

“Abby.” Maura cut her off. “I’d love to. Friday works for me.” She dug around in her purse before pulling out her card and a pen. She carefully wrote her cell phone number down on the back of it. “That’s my number, call or text to tell me the time and the address. I’ll be there.” The second the invitation fell from Abby’s mouth, Maura thought about telling her no. Thought of making up excuses: she had plans, she was taken, she wasn’t interested. But there was something about Abby, something about the way she was rambling and how nervous she seemed to be asking – that pulled Maura to the edge of acceptance. She knew being with Jane was impossible. And she hadn’t dated a woman since her med-school days. What harm would there be in one date? It wasn’t a commitment; they weren’t getting married. It was just a simple date. 

Abby gave her a big smile that encapsulated her entire face. She let out a breath. Her heart rising in her chest. She felt about ten feet tall. “That’s great!”

They parted ways soon after. Maura settled in her seat as she watched Abby walk into the sunlight. There seemed to be an extra bounce in her step.

…

Later that night, Maura settled onto the couch pulling her feet underneath her. She grabbed her phone and her wine glass before dialing Jane’s number. Jane answered on the second ring.

Her smile fell a fraction, when Jane’s face appeared on the screen. The detective – no, Maura mentally corrected herself, instructor – looked exhausted. Pronounced dark circles were under her eyes, and there was a tiredness set into her tense jaw. Jane smiled when Maura’s face appeared on her screen, but Maura could tell, even through the pixilation, it didn’t reach her eyes.

Maura had hoped that going to DC would’ve alleviated some of the stress she knew Jane was under. But it seemed to be having the opposite effect. This wasn’t a conversation she knew how to have with Jane. They just didn’t talk about things like that. Jane didn’t talk about the hard things with anyone, so Maura tried not to take it personally, though it was hard at times. She could only be what Jane allowed her to be. That was something she’d had to come to terms with a long time ago.

“Hey, Maura.”

“Hey. How’s DC?”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Ugh. It’s been wet the last few days. My bedroom is unpacked. Finally. There’s a pizza place that delivers around the corner, and it’s pretty good too.”

Maura laughed. “I bet you’re becoming fast friends with all the take out nearby.”

“You know me.” Jane gave a chagrined shrug. “Oh, we lost one of our students already.”

“How?” Maura took a sip of her wine glass.

Jane shrugged. “We were doing marksmanship and he didn’t like shooting the gun.” Jane gave a helpless shrug as she drank from the beer in her hand. “How do you join the FBI and not figure out you’re going to have to use a gun?”

Maura laughed at the incredulous look on Jane’s face. “That’s a good question.”

“One of the other instructors, said we’ll probably lose at least one more before the end of the week. So that’s exciting.” She laughed and rolled her eyes. “So, tell me about you? Any interesting cases? How’s Frankie doing? Who is in my desk? Is Korsak still enjoying his retirement? Fill me in!” Jane grinned.

Maura shook her head with a smile. “Let’s see – the cases have been pretty standard. We had a murder-suicide. It was a domestic violence situation. The one we’re working on now is a robbery gone wrong. Frankie is doing excellent, but of course, he had a good teacher.” Jane rested her closed fist under her chin and smiled at the camera at that, making Maura laugh. “Yes, Korsak, surprisingly is still enjoying his retirement. He’s offering law enforcement and veterans a discount at The Robber on Friday nights. And Cavanaugh hasn’t replaced either of you, so they’re a little short-handed in Homicide right now.”

“Damn.” Jane mumbled.

“Thankfully the caseloads have been small so far.”

Jane was silent for a moment before she spoke again, her voice softer than before, “you know I didn’t think I’d miss Boston as much as I do.” She bit her lip, and looked up. Her brown eyes boring into Maura’s. What she wouldn’t give to be sitting on the couch next to her. “I miss you.”

Maura’s breath caught in her throat. The rare moment of vulnerability from Jane hit her hard. Her eyes burned unexpectedly, but thankfully, no tears fell.

Jane took a deep breath, trying to push through those feelings. The homesickness would pass soon, she hoped. “So, tell me about you! Anything interesting going on in your life that I don’t know about yet? How’s the book? You finished it in Paris, didn’t you?”

A blush raced up Maura’s cheeks at Jane’s questions. She figured she would start with the easy answers first. “I’ve been volunteering at MENDS.” She looked down at her lap, ignoring all of the feelings swirling inside her own head. “I...I did finish the book while we were in Paris. But,” she played with the loose strands of the blanket in her lap, “I still need to work on it.”

“Maura, I’m sure it’s great. What I read of it before, I really did love. I’m not just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

“I know and I appreciate it. It’s just...the arts have never been my strongest area. So I’m a little bit timid about diving fully into that arena.” She took a sip of her wine, and looked back at Jane on her phone. She swallowed hard. “And I have a date Friday.” The words fell out of Maura’s mouth before she could stop them. She hadn’t told anyone about her date. There wasn’t anyone to tell. It wasn’t like she could go up to Angela and talk about the date she had planned with another woman. Or Hope. She didn’t have that kind of relationship with either of them. With Jane gone, she didn’t have much in the way of friends.

There was a pause as Jane took the information in. Maura could see her swallow hard as she blinked a few times. Maura didn’t know why she was nervous about Jane’s reaction. She hadn’t even told her the “worst” part yet. “A date? What’s his name? Where’d you meet?”

Maura took a liberal drink from her wine glass, buying herself a few more seconds. “Her name is Abby.” She refused to look at the camera as she spoke, instead choosing to focus on the lines in the coffee table in front of her. “We met the first time at that new café around the corner from the precinct. I went for lunch one day and she was in front of me. She recommended I get a chicken Caesar wrap. I did and it was delicious, but that was our first interaction. I didn’t think I’d see her again, didn’t think anything of it or her, but I ran into her the other day at Hope’s clinic. She asked me for dinner and I accepted.” When she was finished rambling, she gulped down some more wine. She hadn’t had dinner yet, and she could feel it rushing to her head already.

Jane was quiet for a long moment. Long enough that Maura looked up at the screen to see if they’d lost connection. But they hadn’t. Jane’s tense face, and set jaw were still there. Her brows were furrowed as if she were trying to unearth some hidden clue. Maura bit her bottom lip.

“Abby is a woman’s name.”

“Yes.”

“I-I didn’t know you dated…women.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

Jane scoffed. “No! I just…I didn’t know. I feel like I should’ve known that. About you.”

Maura sighed. “It shouldn’t make a difference.”

“It doesn’t.” She shook her head. Maura was about to interject when Jane spoke again. “What does she do then?”

“She teaches computer science classes at the local university. She was updating the computer software at MENDS.” 

“Oh.” Jane gave a nod. She seemed lost in thought. “She sounds…nice.”

“She is.”

“When’s the date?”

“This Friday.”

“How many women have you dated?” Jane fired off the question almost immediately after Maura’s answer. She couldn’t help herself. She needed to know.

Maura felt like she was losing something here and she didn’t know how to grab it. “A handful. Not many.”

“A handful.” Jane repeated, her voice was despondent and she wasn’t looking at the camera anymore. Maura could see her fiddling with her hands, a nervous tic of Jane’s. Before either of them could speak again, Maura heard a knock on Jane’s door. Jane looked at the camera again. She attempted to put on a brave face as she smiled at Maura, but, just like earlier, Maura could tell that it didn’t reach her eyes. “That’s the Chinese I ordered. I’m going to let you go. I hope your date goes well! Let me know all about it! Bye!”

She ended the call before Maura could respond. Maura sat in her sofa staring at the now-black phone screen in her hands. Her house had never felt so empty.

Chapter Text

“Ms. Rizzoli, have you ever dealt with a serial killer before?”

Jane’s nose twitched at the suffix before her name. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to it. Teaching, she was beginning to realize, wasn’t something she liked. It was definitely a change of pace, but the pace now was moving at a snail’s speed. It made her feet itch. The question came from a young woman in the front row. Katelyn Hawkins - her hair was always tied back in a perfect bun, she sat in the front of the class, always took notes, and showed plenty of proficiency and promise even this early in the training. Jane had a feeling she’d be seeing her in the news doing great things in a few years.

They had been going over some of the more prominent serial killers that had ravaged the country over the years. The conversation had made her relive her own encounters with serial killers and she was starting to feel unsettled. She had left Boston to get away from all of this, but here she was digging it all right back up again. She tapped a rhythm against her thigh with her index finger as she tried to formulate a proper response. Her class knew she was from Boston and they knew she was a cop before turning to teaching, but they didn’t know much more than that. She swallowed hard, her pause was too long already. “I have.”

Immediately, the atmosphere in the room shifted. People seemed to sit up straighter in their seats, even the slouchers in the back. Jane grit her teeth. She had purposefully not included Hoyt in her powerpoint or lecture notes. She knew if she brought him up, it would only be a matter of time until everyone knew her story. All they had to do was search his name and her own and it would be there - nearly every gritty detail - in black and white. She almost wanted to lie and say she hadn’t, seal that box right back up and shove it way to the back. But these people were going to be professionals in this business and they needed whatever upperhand she could possibly give them.

She cleared her throat, and put her clicker down. “Charles Hoyt.” She let the name linger in the air while she walked around to her computer. She minimized her powerpoint, and brought up a search engine and typed his name. She was glad that her students couldn’t see the way her fingers shook against the keys. Quickly, she clicked on the first picture she saw, afraid one of her might be in the mix. His haggard face and chilling smirk filled the screen. She moved back in front of her desk, putting him behind her.

“Charles Hoyt - otherwise known as The Surgeon.”

“Wait,” a man this time, Jeff, from the back row, “you worked on The Surgeon’s case?”

“I solved it.” Jane stated, standing just a little taller. “Got all of his accomplices too, eventually.” She pointed to the screen. “For those of you who don’t know, Charles Hoyt was a medical school drop out…”

By the time she finished the improvised lecture, Jane was completely drained. But she had gotten more engagement from her students than she ever had up to that point. She looked down at her hands as she zipped up her bag. They weren’t shaking. Surprisingly, the tremors had stopped midway through her lecture. They still ached, but not as much as they had been.

She stepped out of her classroom and locked the door behind her. Thankfully, she didn’t run into Eric again on her way to her car. That was a headache she wanted to avoid. She knew she should try a little more. Not having friends here wasn’t helping her feel settled or at home. But it was hard, and she didn’t have the excess energy to burn for that.

A few minutes later she dropped her bag by her front door and flopped into the couch. She toed off her shoes and gave a dramatic sigh as she dropped her head backwards and stared at the ceiling. It was Friday.

But not just any Friday. It was the Friday.

Maura was going on her date today. Tonight. Her date with a woman. And wasn’t that a damn curveball?

Her eyes traced random patterns in the popcorn ceiling above her. Talking about the monster that haunted her head, had somehow cleared room for other things. Things like Maura, and her date. And how somehow, for whatever reason, Jane felt a little betrayed. And that was just so silly, wasn’t it? But they were best friends. How had she never known that Maura dated women? Or would date a woman? Or…? Jane raked a hand over her face with a groan. Why did it bother her so much? And that wasn’t even the right word because she wasn’t bothered but…she was something.

Without realizing it she’d stuck Maura in a box and now Maura just blew that box to smithereens. It didn’t feel like the box was the only thing that was caught in the blast zone.

Her stomach growled loudly interrupting her thoughts. She ought to go to the grocery store and actually cook something moderately healthy. She stood with a groan and stretched. Without bothering to change out of her work clothes she grabbed her keys, phone, and wallet before leaving again.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Maura stared at the blinking cursor before her. The book – her book – was finished. The pages on her word processor were filled with a murder mystery and a criminal underworld she could easily mold into a series. Somehow, what had started as an offhand remark to her best friend became something real and tangible.

She debated if she should’ve written a different genre. She flirted with sci-fi or historical fiction. But it was much easier to write what she knew, and better or worse, she knew murder mysteries. Everything from the grisly crime scenes to the characters that dealt with them were familiar to her. She just hoped that her colleagues and friends didn’t think she was writing about them.

She bit her lip as she scrolled down the title page and passed the table of contents until she arrived at the dedication page. It felt like at this point she knew every word in her book by heart, but this page, this very small, seemingly insignificant page was proving the most difficult. She must’ve rewritten it half a hundred times already and still her fingers itched to edit it again.

Currently the words For Jane were the only ones on the page. In her first iteration, she found herself almost writing a whole different book on what Jane meant to her. Which was clue number one, that she felt something more than friendship for her friend. In her second, she got it down to a paragraph. And now, it was just those two very basic words. There was something to be said for simplicity. No explanation required.

But if she were being honest, the book itself wouldn’t exist without Jane. Not just because of their conversation that sparked it, but because Maura would have never gotten that close to any other detective.

Before Jane came along, most of the homicide detectives were cold toward her, if not outright cruel. The childish name calling and the snide remarks – it wasn’t something she’d never experienced before. She’d always been a little bit odd. She’d always been on the butt end of too many jokes and harsh words. It wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.

But Jane - Jane came in like a wrecking ball.

Maura smiled to herself at the memory of Jane telling off Detective Crowe for the first time. She was so hot-headed and fiery, even when she was the new one to the team. Jane snapped at any injustice she saw, and that put Maura into her sphere of protection.

They hadn’t worked together for long, hardly even knew each other, before Hoyt happened the first time.

Maura could still remember watching the media coverage at home sipping her coffee. The way the officers stood around their own – around Jane – protecting her from the view of the cameras as she was wheeled toward the ambulance on a stretcher, hands bandaged in red-stained gauze. It seemed so weird now, to think of herself not arriving on the scene. But there hadn’t been a dead body. Jane had made sure of that, even if in the process it put her own life in danger. That was always a price she was willing to pay.

Though Maura would never admit it, Maura modeled her main character off of her best friend. He was grizzled and just on the side of grumpy because he’d seen more than most in his many years on the job. But underneath that, he was a teddy bear of a man. He knew the stakes and he wasn’t afraid of the game. His partner was kind hearted, but young. She had her own problems; she’d seen her own things after doing several tours overseas. Together they were a formidable pair. Much like Jane and Frost were, much like Jane and Korsak were.

Maura’s fingers hovered over the keys. She could write an entirely different book on the things Jane had taught her over the years. She smiled ruefully, maybe that should be her next task.

Instead she clicked the save button and closed out of the document. She looked at the clock on the wall and began gathering her things. It was time to get home so she could get ready for her date.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Jane leaned against the shopping cart as she pushed it around the store. It was the closest one to her apartment. In the few weeks she’d been in DC, she’d only been to it a handful of times. She thought about just getting a frozen pizza and being done with it, but the idea of an honest, home cooked meal appealed to her tonight for whatever reason. She glanced at her watch as she moved down the pasta aisle.

She wasn’t sure of the exact time of Maura’s date, but as late afternoon began to blur into early evening, she was sure it was going to be soon. She chewed her bottom lip. Her phone felt like it was burning against her thigh. She hadn’t talked to Maura since practically hanging up on her when she dropped the bomb about her date.

On one hand, she felt bad about it. Maura didn’t deserve that. And she didn’t want Maura to think that it was because she was going on a date with a woman. But it was. But it wasn’t. Jane groaned quietly under her breath as she threw a box of spaghetti in her cart and a box of rotini. God, why was she arguing with herself about this in the grocery store? She wished, not for the first time, the circumstances different.

In another life – one she had but gave up – she would’ve sat on the opposite side of Maura on the couch like they always did. And they would talk.

God, if she could do any of this over it would be that. Just talk. Just listen. Maura was the most important person in her life and she didn’t always show that or acknowledge that. It was one of her biggest regrets.

Obviously, she could still call Maura. She could message her and they would talk like old times, but it would be different. The bad kind of different. The shopping cart squeaked as she pushed it around the store. Her phone burned brighter and hotter in her pocket until finally, in front of the artisan cheeses she yanked it out and pulled up the chat she had going with Maura. With slightly shaking fingers she typed I hope you have a good time tonight. Let me know how it goes. And hit send.

She shoved the device back into her pocket feeling only marginally better. It was going to be another long night.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Maura looked down at her phone resting on her vanity. A text from Jane lit up the screen. She gave the phone a small smile as she finished fastening her earring. They hadn’t spoken since Maura told her about the date. A kernel of unease had settled in her stomach because of that. She didn’t know how Jane would react to the news. The woman was always upset about the people Maura chose to date for whatever reason. Some of those, admittedly, for good reason. But still, she was happy that Jane seemed to have worked through whatever misgivings she had about it. Maura typed back a reply and placed the phone back down.

She stood from her chair, smoothing down her dress. It was a tried and true little black dress. It was simple and casual enough for a nice night out or something more low-key. She took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know why she was so nervous about this date. Part of it was anticipation – she hadn’t been on a date in a long time and Abby seemed like a nice person. The other part of it was dread – she wasn’t really feeling up to going out tonight, and her revelation about her feelings for Jane definitely played a role in that.

She slipped her phone into her purse, grabbed her heels, and turned out the lights.

…

Maura walked up to a small nondescript building. She checked her phone one last time to make sure she was in the right spot and sure enough she was. The windows were dark and tinted so it was impossible to see inside. She took a deep breath and looked up at the click-clack of heels hitting the pavement.

Much like herself, Abby was wearing a form hugging dress only hers was navy. Her blond hair fell in delicate curls down her shoulders. She smiled, wide and hopeful, when she saw Maura. Maura tried to give a similar smile in response. She wasn’t sure how successful she was.

There was a little bit of awkwardness in their greeting. Both unsure if they were supposed to hug, or wave, or give a kiss on the cheek. Abby settled with a gesture toward the door, and a I’m glad you could make it.

Once inside Maura had to marvel at the modern look of the restaurant. It was a full house despite its mysterious exterior. The waitress seemed to know Abby by name. They greeted each other with familiar pleasantries and Abby asked about the woman’s husband. Once they were settled and the wine was ordered the waitress left them to their menus.

“They have their usual staples – burgers, steaks, pasta dishes. But what this place is really known for are the theme weeks. They bring in chefs from other restaurants every week to make whatever traditional dishes they can. This week it’s Mexican. Last week it was Chinese. It’s all very authentic and tastes amazing. No matter what the theme is you can always count on it being delicious.”

Maura smiled. “I take it you come here a lot?”

Abby blushed and nodded. “I do. One of my students introduced me to this place a few months ago. Not like that!” She rushed to add, even though Maura hadn’t said anything. “It was the beginning of the year and I had them write a paper about technology use in the modern world. He talked about working here. I asked him about it and the rest is history.”

The waitress came by a few minutes later and they ordered their food.

“So,” Abby started once they were alone again, “what do you do for fun?” She looked expectantly at Maura over her water glass. She was smiling. She always seemed to be smiling.

“I do yoga.”

“Have you ever tried goat yoga? It’s really fun.”

Maura laughed, “goat yoga?”

“It’s literally just…yoga with goats. There’s also kitten yoga – which is the same concept just with cats. It makes all the twists and things more enjoyable when there are cute animals jumping all over you.”

They continued to talk about things they liked and disliked. Abby liked romantic comedies and old westerns. Maura liked silent films and documentaries. They both liked to read, and were both fairly active. Abby played tennis, and swimming was her main source of cardio. Maura liked to run and do yoga. Conversation lulled when their food arrived. It was as good, if not better, as Abby claimed it would be. But despite that, and despite the fact that she was having a decent enough time – she’d definitely been on worse dates with worse company, Giovanni came to mind – there was something that wasn’t quite right.

The disquiet Maura had felt while she was getting ready seemed to sink its teeth deeper into her skin and wouldn’t let go.

Maura wanted to like Abby. She wanted something to come from this, but she was beginning to realize she was just wasting both of their time. Her heart just wasn’t in it. Undoubtedly her heart was now in Washington D.C. probably eating frozen pizza for dinner and drinking a beer. How had she deluded herself so much to think this could actually work? She wasn’t invested in this. That fact seemed to be clear to Abby as well, once their plates were cleared and they were debating on desert.

Abby steepled her fingers over the menu in front of her. “I have a feeling you’re not really into this.”

Underneath the table Maura twisted the ring around her finger repeatedly. “I’m sorry I…” Maura trailed off on a sigh.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, sometimes it just doesn’t click.” Abby said calmly. She was still smiling, though a little more dim than before. It was admirable.

“True, but it really is…”

“You not me, I know.” Abby smirked and quirked an eyebrow. She relaxed in her seat, “since it’s you with the problem, care to move this to the bar so we can talk about it over cocktails?”

Maura looked at her skeptically.

Abby held up her hands. “As friends. Scouts honor. You can never have too many friends.”

 After a moment, Maura nodded. “I’d like that.”

…

At the bar, Maura played with the napkin underneath her martini. Thoughts of Jane ran through her mind. She could picture Jane slouching on her couch, a beer in her hand while she ate extra cheesy pizza. For a moment, she let her mind wander to places she didn’t often venture. In this fantasy, Jane wasn’t in DC, but Boston with her.

“So…” Abby interrupted her thoughts. She took a sip from her straw, her fruity drink bright and colorful in her glass.

“Jane.” Maura smiled sadly answering the indirect question and still looking at the napkin underneath her glass. She owed that much to Abby at least. “Her name is Jane.”

“Jane.” Abby tested the name.

Maura took a deep breath, before looking up at Abby. “She’s my best friend.”

“And you fell for her.”

Maura nodded. She tapped the bar with her index finger. “I did.” There was something freeing in admitting that out loud.

Abby leaned forward. “Does she know? Have you told her?”

Maura gave a dry laugh and shook her head, “No.”

“Well, why not?”

Maura looked across the table alarmed. “I...I can’t.”

“Why not? Is she not single?” Abby squinted at Maura and then in a deadly serious tone said, “is she straight?”

Maura couldn’t help the light laugh that leapt from her throat. She shook her head, smiling, and took a sip from her glass. “Yes.”

“I mean...do you know for sure or…? Not to get your hopes up or anything, but like have you seen you? I’ve certainly seen some women flip for far less.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, but she’s never dated a woman as far as I know.”

“Hmm.” Abby sat back in her seat. She seemed to be looking at Maura as if she were a puzzle, trying to decipher her. “How does she act?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m assuming you told her about tonight?” Maura nodded. “So what was her reaction?”

“She was...shocked.”

Abby raised her eyebrows in question.

“I never told her I’ve dated women before.”

“Interesting.”

A blush erupted across Maura’s face. “I haven’t dated a woman since medical school.” She tried to explain.

“Hey, you don’t have to explain to me. But go back to Jane. So she was shocked? In a good way or a bad way? Is she homophobic? Paint the picture.”

“No! She’s not homophobic at all. One time, we had to go undercover at this lesbian bar -”

“Merch?”

Maura nodded. “She was really good at it.”

Abby snorted. “At what? Being a lesbian?”

“Well...yes. Her partner - work partner - even said so.”

“Uh-huh. And how does she react when you go on other dates? How has she reacted in the past?”

Maura thought for a moment. “She never really likes the people I date.”

Abby raised that infernal eyebrow again, Maura was beginning to hate that eyebrow. “I think - as an uninterested third party - you’re going to have to test the waters there. It sounds like your friend may not be so straight after all or at the very least may have some kind of romantic feelings for you, too. Despite however repressed they are.” Then Abby smiled at Maura, she reached across the table and  placed her hand on Maura’s forearm soothingly. “If you say something to her and it blows up, at least you’ll get closure. And who knows, it could turn out to be really great. But you gotta shoot your shot.”

…

Maura slipped her heels off with a soft groan. She could really use a massage. Barefoot, she padded to her couch and flopped onto it unceremoniously Abby’s words still rang through her head. She looked at her phone. It was late enough that the idea of calling Jane was at the tip of her fingers. But what would she say? And again, would it be fair for her to tell Jane her true feelings when the woman just left?

Chapter Text

Jane slumped in her chair and rubbed her eyes sleepily. She and Eric were combining their classes for the day because he had managed to get a couple of FBI agents in to give the class a lecture about what they could expect and the different career opportunities within the Bureau. Jane's plan was to sit at the back of the class and grade papers while trying not to fall asleep. She frowned at her to-go coffee and how empty it was.

It had been a long weekend. She was still getting used to having proper days off. It wasn't like there was a teacher emergency happening that absolutely needed to be handled between Friday at five and before Monday at eight. The most she got was the occasional frantic e-mail from a student about an assignment but even those were rare. She slogged through the weekend by putting together more pieces of furniture and rearranging her kitchen for the third time while bad reality tv played in the background.

She set her bag on her desk and pulled out the stack of papers she'd planned on grading. Maura had not called or messaged her back after she'd sent her text Friday night. The snub sat all wrong in her gut, until finally, Saturday night after a few beers, Jane had sent a message that just said You alive? Jane wanted to roll her eyes at herself. What was wrong with her? They don't talk for one day and all of a sudden, her whole world was off kilter? After a short series of messages back and forth Jane discovered Maura caught a case in the confusing time of either really late Friday night or very early Saturday morning.

Jane grit her teeth as she moved her things in order on her commandeered desk. She almost asked about it – the case. It was right there on the tip of her tongue but what good would that have done? She didn't think she would miss waking up before the sun to go to a grisly crime scene, but she did. She missed the camaraderie of it all, missed her friends, missed being bone tired and weary and stealing a nap in her best friend's office. She missed the chase, being a voice for those who had their lives taken away.

That had been her dream as a kid. Always. Being that last line of defense. Serving justice. Protecting. She had it, and she gave it all up. She looked down at the stack of papers. For this. She sighed.

Eric made his way into the room with a big smile. Every time she saw him, he looked so happy to be here. He had far too much energy and was far too much of a people person for Jane's taste. He tapped her on the shoulder as he walked by and put his things down in the last chair on the first row of seats. Jane snorted, "typical."

It wasn't long before the agents began filtering into the room. The noise in the class began to quiet as Eric greeted each of their three guest speakers like they were long-time friends. Which, Jane mused, they probably were. Eric stood at the front of the class and cleared his throat, waiting until there was silence. "Today, we're joining forces with Instructor Rizzoli's group," he pointed to Jane in the back, Jane raised a hand in acknowledgement but not her head even though she felt eyes on her for a few seconds, "to let you have a chance at hearing first hand knowledge of what it's like working within the Bureau. I have three agents from different departments who have graciously volunteered their time today so why don't we give them our full attention while they introduce themselves."

Jane was halfway through grading her fourth paper when the third person stepped forward. "I'm Special Agent Gabriel Dean."

Jane jerked her head up almost involuntarily. No matter how many times she blinked there stood Agent Dean right at the front of her classroom staring directly at her. He looked just on the side of disheveled as his suit hung off his frame loosely and his tie was just a smidge crooked. His hair was shorter than it was the last time she'd seen him, but had significantly more gray than before. He held eye contact for a few seconds longer before he began talking about his time with the FBI.

Jane sank in her chair.

The world was an incredibly tiny, tiny place.

After class was over, Jane tried to shove her things as quickly into her bag as she could. She didn't want to be cornered – not by Eric and definitely not by Dean. The last time she had seen him he'd been nursing a gunshot wound she had inadvertently caused, and on top of that he had ratted their "relationship" out to the internal affairs guys. Dean wasn't high on her list of favorite people and she was sure she wasn't on his either.

"Jane?"

But she had not been fast enough with her retreat.

She looked up into his dark brown eyes. Awkwardness hung in the air between them. "Hey." She said finally.

He blinked a few times like he couldn't decide if she was really in front of him. "When he said your last name I thought surely that's a different Rizzoli but…here you are."

"Here I am." Jane shoved her stuff into her bag and slung it over her shoulder. It was lunch time and she had three hours before her next group of classes.

He squinted at her like she was a mystery he was trying to solve, "what are you doing here?"

Jane gestured to the bag on her shoulder. "I…I work here. Now." Something about saying that out loud – to him, in this classroom, in DC – felt wrong.

"Huh." He cocked his head to the side and took a step back, like she wasn't who he thought she was anymore. "I never pictured you for the teacher type. Or the FBI type." He laughed dryly, "we like to take the bat and the ball, remember?"

"Have to be careful with these guest lectures," Jane joked, "that's how they got me."

He gave an awkward laugh. "Right." Before he could say anything else, the phone on his belt rang. He looked apologetically at Jane. For a brief moment, she feared he may ask her to lunch, but then he seemed to think better of it. "Duty calls." He mumbled before putting his phone to his ear.

Jane watched him walk away before shaking her head. That was a blast from the past she definitely did not need.

…

Jane stirred her cereal with melancholy. Lucky Charms and orange juice were her dinner of choice for the night. After the surprise run-in with her ex – could she even call him an ex if they were never really a "couple"? – her day had been thrown off kilter. It was most decidedly the Monday-est of Mondays.

Just as she was thinking about what she wanted to do with her night her phone rang. She picked it up from beside her on the couch and smiled at Maura's picture on her phone. "Hey, Maura." She answered, holding the phone to her ear.

"I need a favor."

Jane raised her eyebrows as she sat up straighter on the couch. "Sure?"

"There's a medical examiner conference this coming weekend in DC. Initially, I wasn't planning on going because I was going to a similar one later in the year in Chicago, but a panelist had to back out at the last minute due to a medical emergency – he broke his ankle. The event coordinator called me and asked if I could take his place, but the hotel is all booked up. So, I was wondering if I could stay with you?"

Jane brightened almost immediately, "of course!"

"Fantastic. I will e-mail her right now." Jane heard Maura clicking on her keyboard. "Done." Maura sighed in relief. Jane could imagine her fully relaxing into the couch as that crisis was averted. Jane wanted to roll her eyes, like she'd ever say no. After a moment of silence, Maura spoke softly into the phone, "I'm sorry I was so MIA over the weekend."

Jane bit her lip. She looked at her orange juice wishing it was something stronger. She shrugged. "It happens."

Maura sighed. She pulled at the ends of the blanket that covered her lap anxiously. "I know, but you're my best friend and I don't want the distance to come between us. You're too important to me."

"You're important to me too, Maura." Jane said just as softly. "When will you be here?"

"I'll be flying in Thursday evening and back out early Monday morning. I can arrange a car service so you don't have to worry about –"

"No, you won't." Jane laughed. "I will pick you up and drop you off."

"Okay." Maura smiled, though she knew Jane couldn't see it.

"So," Jane started hesitantly, "you never really told me how your date went the other night." She hated how soft and uncertain her voice sounded. What was up with that? Maura went on dates all the time. Okay, not all the time, but enough for Jane to not feel like this. All out of sorts and weird about it.

Maura swallowed hard. Abby's words had been running through her head constantly. She was grateful for the case she was swept up in just to give herself some reprieve from her thoughts. "It was okay." She found herself saying into the phone. She was glad this conversation wasn't happening on video.

"Just okay?" Jane's heart pounded in her chest. Just okay meant Maura probably wasn't going to go out with Abby again. Jane almost wanted to dance in relief.

"Yeah. She was…nice." Beyond nice, considering, Maura mentally added. "But there just wasn't…there wasn't a spark."

"No spark?"

"Mhhm." And how different was it that just talking to Jane on the phone miles and miles apart made all kinds of explosions erupt inside her.

"I'm sorry it didn't work." Jane lied.

Maura shrugged. "It's okay."

They were quiet for a moment before Jane jumped, almost spilling the bowl of cereal in her lap. "You won't believe who I ran into this morning."

"Who?"

"Agent Dean."

Maura's heart sped up at the name. Memories of Jane and Dean swam through her mind. Would the pair try to rekindle what was? "Wow."

"Yeah."

"How was he?"

Jane shrugged. "We only talked for a few minutes before he left. But he looked older. There was a lot more gray in his hair." She laughed. "I think he probably thought the same thing about me."

Maura smiled. "You don't have much gray, Jane."

Jane gave a bark of a laugh, "much? Maura whose side are you on?"

Maura laughed. "Gray hair is a part of getting older. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"And how many times a month do you go to the hairdresser for a dye job?"

Maura shook her head with a smile, "that's neither here nor there."

"Uh-huh."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"What?"

"Dean. Will you see him again?"

Jane made a face at the tv. "Uh. No. Not doing that again."

Maura looked at the ceiling and closed her eyes, relief washed over her. Maura made the deal with herself then to talk to Jane about her feelings when she saw her later that week. At the very least, she would have a definitive answer for her feelings. Then she could either move on or…warmth spread throughout her chest as she thought of that conversation working in her favor.

Chapter Text

Maura carefully folded her pajamas and nestled them into her carry-on. If she could just focus on the task at hand, she could ignore the much more daunting thoughts of what exactly she would say to Jane. Inwardly, she cursed the slight tremor in her fingers. She wasn’t usually the nervous type, but now an anxious trepidation had made a home deep in her bones.

This trip, though unexpected, was not unwelcome. And had Jane not been in DC, she would’ve never agreed to fill in for another doctor at such short notice. She wasn’t one to believe in fate or destiny – but something did feel at least a little bit serendipitous about the timing of all of this. The event coordinator was ecstatic when Maura agreed to take the cancelled doctor’s place. With gratitude, the doctor had even e-mailed her his power-point presentation. She had been making edits and adding things in between her work duties.

It kept her busy – but even still, thoughts of Jane loomed forever beyond the horizon.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the ceiling.

She was only just beginning to understand how she felt about Jane. Only accepted it to herself a few months before. How was she supposed to explain the complexity of it all to Jane? How was she even to voice those feelings out loud?

There were things even she didn’t know the answer to. Like how long she’d felt this way and when it changed and why. Jane – no matter what she was doing now – was a detective at heart. She would ask. Then where would they go?

All Maura knew was that Jane had always been different. They were very opposite people and should’ve clashed from the get-go. But they hadn’t. Yes, they were both wary of each other at the start, but that didn’t last long. Once they both lowered their defenses, they were able to create something wonderful with each other.

And why would Maura want anyone else beside her other than her best friend? Jane was not the type of person she ever imagined for herself.

And yet.

Now, Jane was the only person she could imagine for herself.

She shook her head at herself as she zipped up her garment bag. The flight to DC would take a little over an hour and a half. She would have plenty of time to think about what she wanted to say until then.

…

Jane stood in the airport lobby nervously bouncing on the balls of her feet. It was already thirty minutes past Maura’s supposed arrival time, and she hoped the plane had finally landed. She felt a little bit silly standing there in the airport. She almost brought something – but she couldn’t decide on what. Flowers seemed…weird. Who brought flowers to the airport for someone? Unless they were dating that someone? Almost involuntarily she gave the nearest airport bodega a quick look. It did not have flowers. Not that it mattered. “What’s wrong with me.” Jane muttered to herself. She didn’t need flowers!

She pulled at her collar and smoothed a slightly sweaty palm over her pants. She was still dressed for work – a pressed oxford and slacks – having just come from Quantico. She was so looking forward to Maura’s impromptu visit. Between her classes taking up most of her days and Maura’s conference, their time together would be limited. But Jane was hoping in the quiet moments between the obligations they could catch up. Even before she left, there had been a fissure growing between them and her self-imposed exile was only making it worse. She hoped – despite its short length – this trip would help bridge the gap.

Jane jumped when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She smiled when she saw Maura’s name on the screen. She couldn’t help the smile that slid across her face as she read finally exiting the plane.

Anticipation skittered up Jane’s spine as she put her phone back in her pocket. Maura was here. For the next few days Jane would get to see her best friend every day – hear her talk, listen to her laugh, see her face – and it not be distorted by static or pixilation.

After what felt like a lifetime, off in the distance, Jane finally saw Maura’s familiar figure. Warmth spread through her body from her fingers to her toes, leaving the butterflies dancing in her stomach.

Maura’s hair was down – loose and wavy – it bounced along her shoulder with every step. Despite being on a plane for a short time, her slacks still held a solid crease and her blouse was wrinkle free. The small, polite smile on Maura’s face turned megawatt as she grew closer and locked eyes with Jane.

Jane couldn’t contain her own smile – not that she wanted to anyway, she was sure it mirrored Maura’s in its brightness. Longing and something else she couldn’t quite name clung to her bones. Once Maura grew close enough, Jane took two large steps towards her with her arms extended. She pulled Maura tightly to herself in a big bear hug. “I know I really haven’t been gone all that long, but god, I’ve missed you.”

Maura held her just as tightly. They stood for a solid minute like that in the middle of the airport lobby, breathing each other in. Until finally, Jane pulled away. She held out her hands for Maura’s things. Once Maura’s bag was securely over her shoulder and she was wheeling the other, they began walking to the exit.

…

Jane bit her lip to keep from laughing as Maura turned toward her with a stern look on her face and her hands on her hips. “There is no food in this apartment.”

They had been here all of five minutes. Maura’s bags were safely stowed away in Jane’s bedroom, her conference clothes already on hangers in the closet. And Maura was already badgering her about her eating habits.

It almost felt like home.

Almost.

“That’s not true.” Jane opened one of the cabinets behind Maura and pointed. “See? Food.”

Maura eyed the two boxes of cereal and the box of noodles that were inside. She said nothing but raised an eyebrow at Jane, hands still on her hips.

Jane rolled her eyes and opened another cabinet. This one had cans of soup and instant, box dinners, along with some spices.

“Jane,” Maura stepped forward motioning to the boxes and cans, “you can’t live off of canned soup and Lucky Charms.” She turned to the fridge and started rifling through the contents. “You need a balanced diet.”

Jane tuned out whatever Maura had said after that. Instead, she stared at Maura’s back as she went through her freezer. A smile spread across her face. Her eating habits were a normal round of conversation. She needed nutrition. She needed to eat greens. And fruits. And yadda yadda. This whole interaction felt so much like them that Jane’s chest ached with some kind of longing even though Maura was standing in front of her. Probably because Maura was standing in front of her. It made her that much more aware of what she was missing when she wasn’t.

“And why are you smiling?” Maura demanded suddenly as she turned on her heel to face Jane again. But even as the words left her mouth, she began to smile too. For an all too short moment, they stood in silence facing each other and smiling.

Finally, Jane spoke, “I missed you.”

Maura’s body relaxed. “I missed you too.” She dropped her arms to her side, still smiling. “But you need to take better care of yourself since I’m not around the corner to smother you.”

“I know.” Jane sighed.

Maura looked around the kitchen and the nearly empty cabinets. “We’re going grocery shopping.” She decided. She walked toward the door and grabbed her purse. Jane was still standing in the kitchen wondering what just happened when Maura called back to her. “Are you coming?”

“What? You want to go now? You just got here!”

“Yes. Now, let’s go.”

Jane shook her head in disbelief, still grinning. With a put-upon sigh she grabbed her keys from the end table by the door. “So bossy,” She mumbled under her breath. Maura winked and bumped her shoulder as she passed and all was right again.

…

It was well into late evening when the pair returned to Jane’s apartment from the supermarket. Jane shook her head at all the bags in her hands, and the few in Maura’s. It seemed Maura had filled their shopping cart with every fresh thing the place had. She had no idea how she was going to eat it all before it went bad.

Once they got to her apartment door, Jane looked down at her full hands and her closed door with a sigh. “Crap.”

Maura’s laughter rang down the hall. “Where are your keys?”

Jane moved her left arm out of the way, “front left pocket.” She swallowed hard when Maura deftly slipped her hand into her pocket.

A faint blush dusted Maura’s cheeks as she pulled out the keys.

Jane cleared her throat as she made a beeline for the kitchen. “You know I’m not a complete Neanderthal, right?”

“Of course not, Jane.” Maura answered in a placating voice, but Jane could see her smirking a little bit.

Jane narrowed her eyes. “I made dinner the other day. I can cook. It’s just…so much effort when it’s just you.”

Maura turned to Jane holding a head of cauliflower in her hand. She cocked her head to the side. “You should think about meal prepping. You do all your cooking on one day and then you don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the week. Or getting a meal delivery service.” She looked up at Jane. “And I don’t mean takeout.”

“You’re no fun.”

In no time at all, they managed to get the groceries put away. “So, can we order takeout now?” Jane asked with a grin as she leaned back against the cabinet.

Maura laughed and threw a hand towel at her.

…

Later that night Maura stared up at the ceiling in Jane’s bedroom. Her heart and mind were racing. She had to tell Jane, and soon. Being here, being with her after so long apart – it was so apparent how much she felt for Jane, how much she needed her in her life. But would telling her the truth change that? Was this something that would break their bond? She swallowed hard and turned her head at the soft sound Jane made next to her in her sleep.

Jane was on her stomach with one leg bent out of the covers, her hair wild and spread across the pillows. She always looked different whilst sleeping than awake. Younger at times, more at peace. Maura pressed her hands to her own stomach, fighting the urge to reach over and stoke a finger down her olive skin, burrow her head in her warm arms.

She sighed.

For better or worse, she loved this woman with her whole heart. She had to speak up.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The next day when Jane walked into her apartment she stopped for a moment. A small smile curled at the corner of her lips. Evidence of Maura was everywhere from the black blazer hanging on the hook next to her jacket, to the high heels in the entryway, to the wonderful scent of Maura’s perfume and whatever was currently sizzling away in the kitchen. For the first time since moving in her apartment felt like home, the way she remembered it.

She dropped her keys on the table by the door and hung her blazer next to Maura’s before walking into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter with her arms crossed and watched Maura work. Soft Jazz was playing from Maura’s phone on the counter and Maura swayed her body ever so slightly to the beat. All of the broken pieces inside Jane seemed to coalesce in that exact moment. She had that feeling again – of home and safety and security. Somehow she’d always known that Maura was central to that, but now it just smacked her in the face. She took a sharp intake of breath and nearly coughed. “I figured you’d still be at the conference.”

Maura looked up from the stove. Her cheeks were flushed and a rogue curl fell in front of her eyes. Jane had a strange urge to push it back behind her ear. Maura smiled at her – it was a soft, warm smile that Jane had probably seen directed her way a thousand different times, but this time it made her feel different. Warm. Safe. Happy.

“Today was an early day.” Maura answered as she turned the heat down on the stove. “Tomorrow will be the long one. I thought you would appreciate coming home to something nice.”

Something nice – was quite the understatement. It was pretty perfect, if Jane were being honest. She stepped fully into the room with a shake of her head. This whole scene was temporary. It wasn’t something she should get used to, no matter how pleasant it was. “Do you need any help?”

Maura gave her that smile again and Jane felt her knees wobble just a little. God, what was wrong with her? “You can make the salad.”

…

The next night, Maura came in very late and very tired. She toed off her heels at the door and hung her coat on the rack. The smell of herbs and spices filled the apartment. She furrowed her brows as she walked further inside. It was almost a mirror image of the previous evening.

Jane was stirring something in a big pot. Her head was bopping to light rock music coming from the phone on the counter. Her hair was tied back loosely at the back of her head. Her pajama pants hung loosely on thin hips.

Maura blinked several times at the scene. Her eyes were unsettlingly teary and she swallowed around a lump in her throat. This scenario had played in her mind over the last few weeks as she settled more into her own feelings and to have it happen in reality was throwing her for a loop. She cleared her throat.

Jane turned around, wooden spoon still in her hand. She smirked, and pointed it at Maura. “I told you I am not a Neanderthal!”

Maura laughed. The sound so unexpected it made her cough.

Jane pointed toward the table. “There is wine and garlic bread. The spaghetti is almost done.” She turned the burner off on the stove and gave a genuine smile to Maura. “I wanted to return the favor. While we eat you can talk to me about all your nerd friends at the conference.”

“So,” Jane began as she settled into her chair across from Maura.. This was familiar. This was something she was used to. And though girl talk wasn’t her strongest area she was bound and determined. “Tell me about Abby.”

“There’s not much to tell.”

Jane frowned. “I mean...we’ve known each other for.../years/ and I never knew you dated women. I mean I know you’ve kind of joked about it before but I didn’t think you were serious about it.” 

Maura started spinning the ring on her finger. “It’s only been a couple of women and it was never serious with any of them. College flings. An odd date. No actual relationships.”

“Still…”

Maura sighed in defeat. “Abby was…nice. Like I said before.” She took a fortifying gulp of her wine. “It just didn’t...work.”

“But how can you know that after one date? Sometimes when I date it takes a bit to...you know warm up.”

“When was the last time you went on a date?”

“That’s fair.” She twirled the spaghetti around her fork. “But, I know you know what I mean.”

“It just wasn’t going to work.”

“But how do you know?”

“Jane.”

“I’m not trying to be obtuse. I’m just...curious.”

“We were just better off as friends, can we leave it at that?” Maura took a large drink from her wine glass.

Jane stared at her intently for a moment before nodding. “Sure.”

After dinner, Jane and Maura sat on opposite ends of the couch with their legs tangled together and a blanket over their laps. Maura was warm all over. This felt so much like how they used to be that it was easy to forget that this wasn’t Boston. She turned the beer bottle in her hand around, watching the light catch the green glass and dance against her skin. It was so interesting to her that here in this innocent moment she felt more than she had in a long, long time. Somehow, someway they just fit.

Jane’s foot tapped hers. “What are you thinking about?”

Maura forced out a small smile, “nothing important.”

Jane furrowed her brow but nodded. A heavy silence fell between them for a long moment, until Jane finally spoke. “I really miss being a detective.” Her voice was rough and held a quiet sense of longing deep inside the words. It was the first time she’d said those words out loud, and they settled like thick clouds inside the room.

Maura stilled. She knew Jane missed her work – she was endlessly curious about Maura’s cases and always looked just a little sad when Maura said she’d tell Frankie about some tip Jane had managed to come up with on the fly. But there was something in the way Jane said it, something in her eyes. After a moment she found herself voicing a thought she never dared say aloud. “I never thought you’d leave.”

Jane laughed – a sad, hollow sound as she brought her bottle to her mouth. “Me neither.”

“Then why did you?” Maura asked, her voice no louder than a whisper. If she spoke any louder, she was afraid the candid moment would come to a screeching halt and she would never get the answers she so desperately needed.

Jane rolled her eyes to the ceiling. She chewed her bottom lip for a long beat before answering. “I was just…I was tired.”

“Tired?”

“Yeah, I…I don’t really know how to explain it but…everything just kept happening, you know?” She sent Maura half of a shrug and a frown. “My stalker. You were kidnapped – god, I’d never been so scared. Then your head injury.” She trailed off as her mind wandered to all the different ways she could’ve lost Maura. She swallowed hard before continuing. “Frankie and Nina are getting married. Korsak retired. Ma is…doing her own thing, finally.” She added with a laugh which quickly faded. “And you…”

“Me?”

Jane smiled sadly but kept her eyes on the blanket. “You were going to Maine to write books.” She toyed with a loose string on the blanket. “Everyone was moving forward with their lives and I…wasn’t. I had everything I wanted, you know?”

Maura’s heart tightened in her chest. “Are you happy here?”

Jane was quiet for a long moment. She bit her lip. Her eyes unexpectedly burned with unshed tears, but she was not about to let them fall now. “No.”

Maura’s heart broke at that one syllable she sat up and leaned forward grabbing onto Jane’s sock-covered foot. “Then come home, Jane, just come home.” She pleaded.

Jane looked at her, her eyes felt like they were boring into her soul. “What is there to go back to?”

“Your family.” Maura gently pulled on Jane’s big toe with a small smile. “Me. We’re not going anywhere, Jane. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’ve lived in a lot of different places all over the world, but Boston has always been home to me. I was never going to leave.”

Jane sniffed, bringing her hand under her nose and rubbing it.

Maura swallowed hard. This was the moment. “I love you.” As she said the words something broke free inside her chest. She held Jane’s foot tighter. “I love you.”

Jane patted Maura’s leg next to hers over the blanket. “I love you too, Maura.”

“No I…” Maura shook her head. “I’m in love with you.”

Jane blinked. “What?”

“That’s why it was never going to work with Abby. I realized I was in love with you. I didn’t want anyone else.” The confession died then. She didn’t know what else she wanted to say or what she could say.

Jane was silent for a long moment. Long enough that Maura began to fidget next to her. Until finally she spoke. “I…I had no idea.” Maura was in love with her? It was such a hard concept to wrap her mind around. Why? “When – how long have you known…this?”

“Since Paris.”

“Oh.”

“Look, Jane I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable. I just…really needed to tell you.”

Jane looked up sharply at those words. It felt like the moment was slipping through her fingers and she couldn’t quite catch it. And she so desperately wanted to catch it. “I didn’t know.” She finally said.

“Would you have done anything differently if you did?” Maura didn’t look at Jane as she spoke, rather kept her eyes on the coffee table.

“I…Maybe.” Jane sighed. She wasn’t any good at this stuff. “I’m glad you told me.”

“You are?” Hope lined Maura’s voice.

“You’re still my best friend, Maura. Nothing is going to change that.” Maura’s shoulders fell in relief. “I don’t have answers.” Jane really didn’t. She was never the type to imagine a fairy tale wedding. The closest she ever got was describing an on-the-fly fantasy about getting married at Fenway in Red Sox jerseys. But here, now, with Maura sitting in her new apartment her body warm and soft next to her own – she couldn’t imagine anyone but Maura standing across from her. These last few days of playing house with each other had been a balm to her wounds.

And maybe, maybe Maura was exactly what she needed.

Chapter Text

Jane sighed as she leaned against her closed door and stared at the inside of her empty apartment. It felt different now that Maura was gone. Her sweet perfume didn’t fill the air, her coat wasn’t next to Jane’s on the rack by the door, and her heels weren’t sitting perfectly against the wall in the entryway. But little traces remained – proof that Maura had been here. She had irrevocably changed the entire landscape of the place in just a few short days.

There was the small succulent sitting on the windowsill in the kitchen. Jane had been reticent to purchase it, but Maura had insisted, stating that her place needed something green and growing in it, and they were hard to kill, so even with minimal watering it would survive. Now, when Jane looked at the little plant in its orange pot she thought of Maura.

Then there was the fancy bottle of wine in the fridge door that was entirely overpriced but one that Maura loved. There was a novelty Boston magnet on the fridge door as if Jane could ever forget where she came from. But her favorite – her favorite was the picture Maura brought.

It was a small one, just the two of them, from Korsak’s wedding. Their cheeks were flushed and they were both grinning from ear to ear, their arms wrapped around the other and champagne glasses in their free hands. Maura had the picture framed and it was set on the entryway table so Jane saw it every time she left and every time she came back. When she looked at it, she remembered that day – the way Maura had danced like a dork, giving a completely unselfconscious shimmy and a carefree grin in her direction, just to get her to dance. And she had. And it had been fun. And free. And she’d been happy.

These things – minus the wine – were supposed to make her new apartment feel homier, but instead they just made Jane more homesick.

Jane flopped onto the couch. She rubbed her face roughly with her hands before leaning back against the cushions and staring at the ceiling.

It had been days since Maura left.

They hadn’t spoken.

Jane didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do with all the tumultuous things swirling inside her.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even now, all she could imagine was Maura sitting opposite her on this couch telling her she loved her.

What was she supposed to do with that? She knew she needed to say something, respond in some way. She couldn’t leave Maura in suspense forever. That wouldn’t be fair.

Things weren’t awkward after Maura’s confession – they had been through too much together for things to ever be truly awkward or bad – but Jane would be lying if she said it didn’t change things.

Something inside of Jane had broken apart at Maura’s confession. It was the same piece that cracked when Maura initially told her about Abby. There was a voice, growing louder by the day, that said you have a shot. She didn’t even know she wanted to have a shot. But just as surely as the thought entered her mind, it sank its teeth in and didn’t let go.

Her sexuality had always been a mess. She hated that it was still a problem at her age. She wasn’t ashamed to admit she’d thought about women like that. She’d just never done anything about it. The pull was never that strong. The risk always seemed to outweigh the reward. It was just easier to not think about it.

That was what she’d always done with Maura.

From day one, Jane put Maura in a box, a cordoned off section in her mind behind a velvet rope and a bouncer. Yes, she knew Maura was an attractive woman, an attractive person, but she never let her mind go any further than that. It was an immediate stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. They were friends, and Maura was so far out of her league they weren’t even playing the same game. Do Not Enter was written all over her. So, Jane never thought about her like that. She always stopped herself immediately before she could imagine anything other than what they were. 

But Maura wrecked that with her confession and suddenly Enter was the only word left standing.

Maura loved her. Maura wanted her.

And Jane found herself imagining things she never dared.

There were so many ways it could all go wrong and blow up in both their faces but that same voice that had been whispering in her ear all this time asked but what if it doesn’t? What if it goes absolutely right? What then? The days before Maura’s confession had been magical and healing and gave her a taste of what they could have, what they could be.

It felt good to come home to Maura – to smell her perfume and her lotion, to have the bathroom an organized mess of makeup bags and hair appliances. To hear soft jazz or classical music coming from her phone speaker while she cooked. Jane felt at peace with Maura here. Settled in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Maura was always that for her. A guiding light – to home, to safety.

And if Jane thought about what she missed most about her old life in Boston – yeah, she missed her family and her coworkers, she missed her job, and even the traffic and the weather, and about a million other things but the first thing, always, was Maura. When she thought about Boston, she thought about kind hazel eyes, the quirk of an eyebrow, a self-satisfied smirk when she told a joke no one thought was funny. She thought about that smile of Maura’s – soft and sweet and loving.

She thought about home.

DC wasn’t much of a home. Part of that, Jane knew, was her own fault. She wasn’t trying very hard to make a space for herself here. She wasn’t going out with her colleagues. She didn’t talk to many people outside of her classes or the occasional lunch hour in the cafeteria. But she had no desire to do those things. Not here.

Everything pointed back to Boston. But was it too late?

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Longing pulled at Maura’s heart as she got comfortable on her couch at home. Her phone remained inactive, but within reach. Just in case. It had been a few days now since her trip, since even speaking to Jane. Everything was different now. Except it also wasn’t. They were in this weird limbo space, and she hated it. She wondered if Jane would try to sweep it under the rug like so many other things they never talked about. What would she do then? She didn’t know if she had the strength to go on pretending, but what other choice did she have if that was what Jane chose?

There was freedom in the truth, but it also came with a price. She didn’t know if she was willing to pay it.

She pulled the afghan from the back of it around her shoulders and legs as she flipped on the television.

She had spent most of her days at work – getting everything back in shape after her impromptu trip at the office and catching herself up with where they were at in the case. She was doing that more and more these past few weeks since Jane left. And when she ran out of real work to do, she volunteered at MENDS. She didn’t want to be home. Alone. The place felt so big and empty. Even when Angela commandeered her kitchen for Sunday dinner it still didn’t feel right. She always half-expected Jane to walk in the door at any moment with a six-pack and sarcastic comment. But she never did.

She tried to pay attention to the trivial drama the Real Housewives were having on her screen, but her mind kept drifting.

When she closed her eyes, she could picture Jane’s face the moment she confessed. Deep brown eyes grew so wide, she almost looked like a child. Surprise completely eclipsed her face. Maura’s heart ached for her – in a friendship way, or in a romantic way. She really just wanted her best friend back. The separation was so much harder than she thought it would be, and she already knew it was going to be a very hard thing. She thought she was used to this by now. The leaving. But no. She wasn’t.

Maura wasn’t going to chase her this time. That ball was firmly in Jane’s court and it was up to her to decide what to do with it. Maura would just have to live with whatever that meant.

She settled further into the couch and sipped from her wine glass slowly.

Maura jerked awake by a chime. She blinked groggily, groping for her phone from the end table. It took her a moment to get her bearings together enough to read her screen. It wasn’t that late, just after nine pm, but she had been so tired she must have fallen asleep on the couch. A smile spread across her face as she read Jane’s text.

It was a picture of the succulent they bought together. On it was a sticky note that simply read sweet dreams in Jane’s sloppy scrawl. It was an olive branch of hope. Her cheeks warmed as she typed out a response. Whatever the outcome, Maura knew now, they would be okay. Slowly she rose to her feet and made her way to her bedroom.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The next few days passed in a blur. Communication had been touchy but there. That was what Maura was holding onto. Jane just needed time to process the information she was given. She tried to imagine what she would’ve done if the roles were reversed and it helped ease some of the ever-present worry sitting on her chest. They hadn’t called each other or video chatted in almost two weeks, but they had been texting. During the day some, but mostly at night. Jane would send her pictures of her dinner and Maura would answer back with her own. Their conversations were mostly surface level, and not very deep at all. But it was a bridge. Maura hoped they would get back to where they were, but she was okay taking the long way.

Thursday night Maura was trying to prepare for an event she had to attend that Saturday evening. The Isles Foundation was throwing a large fundraising event and she was expected to be in attendance to thank the donors. She didn’t know what to wear. Dresses were strewn about the room – laying on her bed, hanging off of dresser handles and door hooks. She had too many options, really. It was getting to be time again to make another donation trip.

Her phone buzzed with an incoming text. Maura couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at the sound. It was Jane’s sound. The woman had insisted on getting her own specific ringtone, different from everyone else’s. Now, when she messaged, Maura felt her heart pick up pace like Pavlov’s dog.

The Sox are losing :[ how’s your night going??

Maura opened the camera app on her phone and stood back to take a picture of the madness surrounding her. Trying to pick out a dress to wear to a fundraising event on Saturday. She attached the photo. I’m sorry your team is losing. And hit send.

…

In DC, Jane finished the rest of her beer. She liked this. Texting. It felt…easier somehow. More accessible. It was both a blessing and a curse to not have to see or hear Maura’s reactions to her nonsense in real time. She knew everything was pointing back to Boston, to Maura, but she didn’t know what she should do about that. If anything.

Currently, she was two beers in and watching her team lose on her flat screen. Talking to Maura seemed endlessly more appealing than the men in red. She slouched further into her couch. Maura’s bedroom was a place Jane had seen a lot of. The house had several guest rooms but for whatever reason Jane seemed to end up in Maura’s room the most. She smiled at the familiar painted walls, and lavender bedsheets. That’s a lot of dresses.

Maura sent back a shrug emoji which made Jane laugh out loud. Her smile remained as she typed. Try some on? I’ll thumbs up or thumbs down. Jane bit her lip as her mind raced. She could picture Maura fretting about her bedroom trying to decide what to wear. She was cute when she was frazzled. The thought caught Jane in the chest. She was pretty cute all the time, actually.

Just then Jane remembered something. An image of Maura in a skin tight blue dress passed through her mind. She’d had to smack a lot of heads that day at work. She was surprised no one had smacked hers. She bit her lip. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. She started typing. You’ve always looked good in the blue one. She hit send before she could talk herself out of it. It wasn’t a particularly risqué text, but still it made her hands shake and her heart rate pick up.

Before Maura’s next message, Jane got up and grabbed another beer. She had a slice of pizza halfway in her mouth when her phone chimed.

Maura stood in front of the floor length mirror in a baby blue dress. It was a good dress. All of Maura’s dresses were good dresses, but it wasn’t the dress. The phone obscured Maura’s face but Jane could just imagine the soft look in her eyes. And Jane wanted to brush her hair away from her collarbone and wrap her arms around her.

Jane looked at her fresh beer. Where was all of this coming from? But it was a question she already knew the answer to. And now that there was no mental block to keep her from thinking of Maura like that it was all her mind kept wandering to. She swallowed hard. That’s a good dress, but I meant the navy one. Maura probably had half a dozen “navy” dresses, but Jane couldn’t find it in herself to elaborate more without sounding awful. A thought occurred to Jane right after she pressed send. Are you going with anyone?

She quickly scarfed down another slice of pizza and drank half her fresh beer before her phone chimed again. Her heart was racing and her palms were sweaty. First Maura answered her question, No. The person I want to go with isn’t here, so I’ll be stag. The next was the picture accompanied by two words, this one?

Jane swallowed; her mouth suddenly dry. It was the dress. It fit exactly how she remembered it did, hugging all of Maura’s curves in all the right places. Jane blinked. Now that she was able to move freely without any self-imposed barriers all kinds of thoughts spread through her mind in rapid succession. Mostly she wished she was there. She had no idea what she would actually do, but knew what she wanted. She wanted to slide her hands along Maura’s sides, press her nose to Maura’s neck where Maura dabbed her perfume and breathe her in. She always smelled so good. Even after a long day and right before bed.

Jane’s heart stuttered in her chest when she re-read the first message. It was her. She didn’t second guess because she knew because Maura told her. Maura wanted her. If she was in Boston, she could be on Maura’s arm Saturday night. The thought was like a bolt of lightning through her core. That’s the one. She paused before adding, when is this thing happening?

Saturday. 7pm. I’ll wear this one then, thank you :]

Jane swallowed hard. A plan was already forming in her mind. They sent a few more messages back and forth before both of them decided it was time for sleep. 

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Immediately after her classes on Friday afternoon Jane got in her car and started driving. Everyone always told her she led with her heart like it was a bad thing, but she was beginning to realize it wasn’t. Tossing aside her feelings was the bad thing. Feelings didn’t make her weak. They just made her human. And that wasn’t bad.

Before she left town, she stopped at a department store knowing she didn’t have anything fancy enough to be paired with Maura and her dress. With a clerk’s help, she left with a nice suit that she laid in the backseat to hopefully keep wrinkle free.

During the drive she tried not to think about what she was doing. If she thought about it too much, she might change her mind and she didn’t want to change her mind. Maura had been brave enough already, it was time for her to do the same. She stopped once for gas and coffee but otherwise kept on the road and kept her mind focused.

It was close to midnight when she pulled to a stop in front of Maura’s house. Suddenly, all the assuredness she’d felt before evaporated from her bones. This had to have been one of the most impulsive things she’d ever done. She was in Boston. And that little voice in the back of her head whispered you’re home.

Now that she was here, she didn’t know what to do. The house – Maura’s house – was dark. The street was so quiet Jane could hear her own blood pounding between her ears. Was this a mistake? She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles were white.

She sat there for a long time contemplating her choices until a heavy knock on her window made her jump in her seat. Her hand reaching for the pistol she didn’t carry anymore.

A bright light shown through her window and Jane shielded her face with her hand. She heard a familiar voice say, “Jane?” then the light was gone. Jane’s heart was still beating out of her chest when she looked up to see her mother standing next to her car with a stern yet surprised look on her face and a comically large flashlight in her hand. “What are you doing here?” Angela practically squealed.

Jane didn’t see that she had a choice but to step out of her car, so she did. Her shoulders were hunched. She didn’t know how to explain this to her mother, didn’t know that she wanted to. What would she even say? What would her reaction be?

Her next breath was squeezed out of her by her mother’s hug. Jane’s arms flailed around her sides. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much!”

Jane awkwardly patted her on the back with one hand and mumbled, “missed you too, Ma.”

After a few more seconds of hugging, Jane followed her mother to the house she now lived in permanently behind Maura’s. Jane couldn’t help the way her eyes moved to Maura’s house. She was so close, yet so far away.

Once inside, Angela all but shoved Jane into a chair at the kitchen table. She fluttered around the kitchen like a bird pulling glasses from the cabinets. “If I knew you were coming home, I would’ve had some food ready. Or we could’ve had a party. Or...something.” She mumbled under her breath.

Jane shifted uncomfortably. “Ma it’s really not…” but before she could finish her sentence, a glass of milk was placed in front of her. Jane raised her eyebrows.

“It’s so late. You must’ve been driving all night.” Angela continued. She set a Tupperware container on the table full of cookies. Despite herself, Jane leaned forward and grabbed one to nibble on. Her mother’s cookies were always the best.

Eventually, Angela sat down in the chair across from Jane. She crossed her arms and gave Jane a hard stare. Jane squirmed in her seat under the scrutiny. Slowly, she lowered the cookie and swallowed hard. Her mother’s stare downs were legendary and she couldn’t help feeling like she’d done something wrong. 

“It’s 11:45 at night.”

Jane nodded, staring down at the kitchen table. There were about a million questions that Jane knew her mother could potentially ask and she didn’t have a neat and tidy explanation for any of them. Her palms were starting to sweat so she rubbed them against her thighs. The silence seemed to drag on forever.

“Come home.”

Jane popped her head up at the words, her eyes narrowing.

Angela reached across the table. Her hand was close enough that Jane could reach out and grab it if she wanted to, but far enough knowing that she wouldn’t. “I know, I pushed you to take that job in Washington. I only wanted you to do something safer.” Angela’s voice was quiet, it was probably the softest Jane had ever heard her mother speak. “But I see now that that was a mistake.” She tapped the table with her index finger. “Look at me.”

And Jane was powerless to do anything else. She met eyes that were so much like her own she felt her chin wobble at unexpected emotion. She bit her lip hard.

“I’m sorry.” Jane took in a shaky breath at those words, she blinked quickly trying to dispel the burning around her eyes. They were said with such conviction that Jane knew she was sorry for a lot of things. “I can tell you’re not happy. I know you haven’t been for a long time, but it seems worse now. Somehow.” Angela paused, smiling sadly, her eyes full of nothing but kindness and love. Her fingers flexed against the wood of the table. “I just want you to be happy, Janie.”

“I know, Ma.” Jane said, her voice no louder than a whisper.

“Then be happy, here. We all miss you. Maura misses you. Come home.”

Jane laughed hollowly. The semantics were so difficult. She’d been thinking about them the entire drive. “It’s not that easy..”

“Of course it is.”

“Ma, I...I think...I think I’m in love with Maura.” Jane looked away quickly. Her fingers clenched the fabric of her pants. She didn’t want to admit that, not here, not to her mother. But the words just slipped out of her mouth. There was something in the way that Angela was looking at her just then that made the confession slip. And now she was trying to ready herself for the axe to fall.

“I know, sweetheart.” Then, Angela did reach out, tired of waiting for Jane. She stood from her chair slowly, and pulled Jane to her chest. “I know.”

Jane wrapped her arms tightly around her mother this time. She buried her face in the familiar fragrance of the woman who raised her and took a steadying breath. They stayed like that for a long moment. Jane wiped her face when she finally pulled away, shocked at the few tears that had escaped. Angela sat back down, her own eyes were suspiciously watery.

“God, you two will be the death of me.” Angela joked. She wiped at her eyes with her fingers as she gave a short laugh. “I was wondering when you would figure it out.”

“You were?”

“Yes.” She laughed again. “It took you long enough. She’s been moping ever since you left, like you took the sun with you. It’s clear as day she loves you, Lord only knows why.”

“Hey!”

“I may be old, but I’m not blind.” Angela shook her head with a knowing smile. She gave Jane that look again that made her squirm. “You came all this way, Jane. All this way.” Angela put the lid back on the container of cookies and pushed it to Jane. “So, you’re going to bring that next door and do whatever it was you planned to do.” She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“It’s the middle of the night.” Jane countered.

“Trust me, she’ll appreciate being woken up to find you on her doorstep.”

Jane narrowed her eyes, a thought occurred to her. “Wait a second, why are you awake?”

Angela smiled sweetly. “One of the new bartenders was showing me some of his skills.”

Jane made a face, “eww, Ma! Really?”

Angela laughed, and it sounded so familiar that Jane felt her body finally begin to relax. “I’m thinking of picking up bartending and he was showing me some pointers. He’s too young for me anyway.” She waved the thought away and stood. “Now, go. I’m working the lunch shift tomorrow and I need to get these old bones to bed.”

Jane stood from her chair feeling a little more in control of herself and a lot less scared. Angela squeaked out a surprised oh when Jane wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. “Thank you, Ma.”

“Anytime, sweetie.” She kissed Jane’s head and patted her cheek. “I love you, and I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. So, go get your girl and be happy. Both of you.”

...

The walk to Maura’s front door was a short one, but Jane took her time. The motion sensing light turned on as she grew close. Once she stood in front of the door, she took a deep steadying breath, holding the cookies tightly in her hands. Finally, after a brief moment of hesitation, Jane brought her finger to the doorbell and pressed.

A few minutes later, a light flickered on inside the house and then another one. Maura opened the door cautiously. She was wearing flannel pajamas and bunny slippers that Jane had gotten her one year as a joke. Her hair was tossed over her shoulder in a loose braid, her face was free of makeup and Jane could practically count the freckles across her cheeks. Seeing her looking so vulnerable and small took Jane’s breath away. “Hey.” Her voice cracked on the syllable, so she cleared her throat. Maura blinked at Jane in confusion like she couldn’t believe was her eyes were seeing, but before she could say anything, Jane continued with a wry smile. “Why do you always look like you’re about to do a photoshoot?”

Maura smiled then. A real smile – all warm and comforting and bashful. She held the door open wider, cocking her head to the side, “come in.”

Chapter Text

Jane bit her lip as she walked past Maura. The second she passed through the threshold a wave of relief washed over her. The familiar paint and art on the walls made her fists unclench. This was a safe place – it always had been – and now that feeling, despite everything, settled her. She was still nervous and apprehensive, but this was where she was supposed to be. She knew that now.

Just a few minutes ago she’d had a conversation with her mother she thought she would never have. And it went better than she could’ve hoped. And now, now she was sitting on a precipice of the same thing with her best friend, hoping and willing for a similar outcome.

Jane jumped a little when Maura cleared her throat and touched her arm softly after closing the door. “I’m going to make us some tea, why don’t you sit down.” She gestured toward the open living room.

Jane nodded and Maura walked into the other room. Jane sank into the couch cushions unsteadily as she watched Maura’s retreating figure.

In the kitchen, Maura’s hands shook with nerves as she prepared the kettle. The hand shaking was beginning to be a habit, and not necessarily a good one. Saying she was surprised by Jane’s arrival would be an understatement. She was beginning to think the woman was just going to shove it all under the rug, nothing to see here and be done with it. And maybe she still wanted to do that. But she was here. That had to count for something. She covered her mouth as she yawned.

From the cabinets, she pulled down two mugs – her favorite, and the one she knew Jane liked to use when she was here. She was almost grateful for the late hour. Her mind was too sluggish to really contemplate the meaning behind all of this. She’d said her piece. And Jane was sitting in her living room anyway.

Maura smiled to herself. Jane was here. That had to be a good thing. It had to be.

Finally, Maura grabbed both of the mugs and made her way back to the living room. Jane was sitting on the couch, fiddling with her hands. Her eyes locked on Maura and never left. Maura gave her a slow, half-smile in return. She put both of the mugs down on coasters on the coffee table and sat on the opposite end of the couch. She brought her legs up underneath her and put her back to the arm rest. “This is a really pleasant surprise.” Maura said softly.

Jane pressed at the scars on her palms. “It is?” Obviously, Jane had been hoping for that. But she didn’t know where she should start. Or what she should say.

Maura nodded. She grabbed her mug from the table and sat back, letting the glass warm her hands. She gestured to Jane’s mug. “It’s chamomile. The kind you like.”

“Oh.” But Jane didn’t make a move to grab it. They were both quiet for a moment, until Jane spoke again. “How…How long…have you felt…feel…this way?”

Maura took a deep breath. She’d been trying to figure out the answer to that question since she’d realized her feelings. “I don’t know,” she answered finally. She took a slow sip from her mug, and readjusted herself so her knees were pulled up to her chest. “You’ve always been different,” she started quietly. She stared at the edge of the coffee table as she spoke, her lips gently curved upward. “You’re magnetic – even when we first met, I always felt some sort of infatuation I suppose. I wanted to be friends with you ever since I found out we’d be working together.”

Jane grinned at that. “You didn’t want to be friends with me when you thought I was a hooker?”

Maura rolled her eyes. “I didn’t think I’d see you again after that. But, then there you were at my crime scene. And not a suspect or a victim.”

Jane finally leaned forward and grabbed her mug from the table. She took a long drink from it, letting the liquid warm her from the inside out. It was quiet again, but not uncomfortably so. “We’ve been through a lot, huh?”

“Yes, we have.”

“I always thought you were off limits.” Jane laughed dryly.

Maura tilted her head to the side, “why?”

Jane shrugged one shoulder and looked up toward the ceiling. “You’re so out of my league we’re not even playing the same game. You are incredibly smart and you’re gorgeous.” The last one was said so softly that Maura had to strain to hear. “And I’m just…me.”

“You have no idea, do you?” She whispered with a shake of her head. “Jane you are brave and you’re funny and you’re absolutely gorgeous no matter how much you try to hide it in ill-fitting clothes. You put your whole heart into everything. And you are the most loyal person I’ve ever met in my life. You’ve always been there for me – as a friend, as a protector, as a confidant. You’ve never cared about my idiosyncrasies, or my strange habits. You take care of me, Jane. I’ve never had that before you. I may have come from a different place than you have, but that’s not where I’ve chosen to stay. I’m not going anywhere, one day you’re going to have to start believing me.”

“I do.” Jane nodded. “I do now.”

Maura smiled. She took another drink. “Have you ever been attracted to women before?”

Jane took a deep breath, and then nodded slowly.

“Really?”

“I’ve never done anything about it, though. And you…you were – are – my friend and I…I didn’t want to ruin that by even entertaining a thought otherwise. So, I just…didn’t.”

“So, what now?”

“I…” Jane looked down into the liquid in her mug. It was her favorite mug, even more than the ones she had back in DC. It was always the mug Maura gave her to make her coffee in the morning when she stayed over, it was the one she drank hot cocoa out of in the middle of a cold December, it was hers. Just like this spot on the couch, and her side of the bed, and her drawer full of her things in Maura’s bedroom despite the guest bedrooms in the house. She had traveled nearly five hundred miles, and nearly eight hours in the middle of the night to be here. Maura could be hers too, if she wanted. And god, did she want. “I want to try.”

Maura’s eyes widened, and her fingers clenched around the mug in her hand. “What do you mean?”

“I want to come back to Boston.” Finally saying the words out loud set something free inside of her, she steadied her hands. “The minute I left I felt like I was making the wrong choice. When I got to DC that feeling just got worse and kept getting worse. And then you visited. I don’t know all of my feelings, I don’t know if I’m quite in love with you, yet. But I think I could be.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I haven’t been thinking about this as much as you have, obviously. But these last few weeks after you told me – and even before that, a little bit – I would think about Boston, think about what I miss the most and…it’s always you. When you came to DC it was the first time my apartment there felt like home, and it was because of you.” She paused. “You feel like home, Maura.” Finally, she met unerringly kind, hazel eyes and gave a small smile.

Maura pressed a hand to her heart and tried to fight back the tears she felt at the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath to try and steady herself. “Okay.” She said simply. “Okay. We can try.”

…

Jane didn’t know how late it was – or early, depending on how she looked at it. Once they finished talking, Jane had retrieved her bags from the car and had come back to the couch. In the short time it took her to change into her pajamas and set her things down, Maura had fallen asleep. Jane stopped herself from waking her and making her go back upstairs. There was something about this moment that hit Jane so incredibly hard in an indefinable place.

Maura was always pretty – but Jane had almost always preferred her in pajamas, fresh faced, soft…touchable. Those feelings that she was only just beginning to understand and untangle came to life inside her chest. Hope was not something she was familiar with, wasn’t something she put a lot of stock in, but maybe, here with this woman, in this house, on this couch, just maybe hope was something she could have once more. Maybe with Maura she could believe in love and hope and happy endings again.

Slowly, she pulled the afghan from the back of the couch and tucked it around Maura’s small frame. She kept herself on her end, and let her mind wander to all of the different possibilities that lay before her. She was sure now that this was the road she wanted to travel and she wanted to travel it with her best friend beside her.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The next morning, Jane woke to the smell of coffee and something sizzling in the kitchen. She had no idea when she had drifted off the night before, but the afghan that was around Maura was now around her own shoulders and the spot across from her was vacant. She sat up with a big yawn and stretched her arms to the ceiling. Slowly, their conversation came back to her but the panic didn’t come. Instead, all she felt was peace. They could do this. She would have to figure some things out concerning logistics, but they could really do this. The thought put a smile on her face.

She stood from the couch and made her way into the kitchen towards the coffee. She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms, with a smile on her face.

Maura was cooking at the stove. Her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and she’d traded her flannel pajamas for yoga pants and an old BCU sweatshirt. Light pop music filtered through the speakers placed strategically throughout the kitchen. The sound was upbeat and happy, and that’s exactly how Maura looked with her hips swaying to the beat and her head bouncing side to side as she moved the bacon around on the frying pan.

As Maura turned around to put the bacon on a plate, she noticed Jane standing against the wall and smiled. It was a small smile – a little shy and a little timid. Jane just found it all the more endearing. And knowing that she didn’t have to shove that thought into a box and put it in the far corners of her mind anymore was freeing. She grinned wider as she finally stepped into the kitchen. Her mug from the night before had been cleaned and was sitting next to Maura’s fancy coffee machine. She poured as much as she could into the mug and took a hearty sip. It was hot enough still to be good but cool enough that it didn’t burn her mouth. Maura always made great coffee. She walked over to the bacon and broke a small piece off. “Where did those cookies Ma made me bring over go?”

Maura rolled her eyes as she grabbed eggs and cheese from the fridge. “You are not having cookies for breakfast.”

“Not even dating a day and you’re nagging me already…” Jane laughed playfully.

A cute blush dusted Maura’s cheeks at Jane’s tease. She cracked an egg into the pan, but said nothing.

“So, your thing isn’t until later tonight, right?”

“Correct.”

“So,” Jane stretched out the word, “maybe we could go for a lunch…date, if you wanted?”

Maura turned away from the burner and to Jane with the biggest smile on her face. “I’d love to.”

“Great!”

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Jane stood in the guest bathroom buttoning up her shirt. Earlier they had gone out for ice cream. Jane had been bold and chosen three scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream in a cone as big as her hand, while Maura had gone for two scoops of coffee ice cream.

Jane didn’t really want to call it a date, but it felt like one. Something about the sunshine, the light breeze, and Maura’s contagious smile brought out Jane’s good side. It felt good to be standing next to Maura just talking about their individual lives or walking in silence. They had been through so much together to get to this point, everything felt natural like it was just an extension of who they were. And it was exactly that.

It was nice to not have to turn her brain off or steer herself in another direction when Maura did something that was cute or endearing. The more she leaned into it, the clearer everything became.

She tucked the shirt into her pants and leaned into the mirror to apply a bit of concealer under her eyes and add some eyeliner and mascara. Once she was finished, she spritzed perfume on herself and shrugged into her navy blazer. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch, waiting for Maura.

…

Maura stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She looked the same, she felt the same – but everything was so, so different now. In just a few short hours, her entire world had flipped on its axis. Jane was here. Jane wanted to try. While Maura knew there was a lot that could go wrong, and she wasn’t usually the type to listen to her gut, something deep and strong was telling her that everything would be okay. She didn’t want to argue against that feeling, so instead she leaned into it.

She pulled away from the mirror and walked back into her bedroom. Her dress – the one Jane had helped her pick out – hung on the back of the door to her closet. She slipped into it and stepped into her heels.

Jane looked up at the sound of Maura coming down the stairs. Her breath left her immediately. Maura in that dress was just as breathtaking as it had been the first time she’d seen her in it. Her hair was down, cascading in waves across her shoulders, her makeup was understated and Jane couldn’t believe she was the one who got to be on her arm.

…

Maura swallowed hard as Jane pulled up to the hotel where the banquet was taking place in one of their large ballrooms. Her stomach churned as she stepped out of the car and to the side while Jane handed off the keys to the valet. After Brad Adams, going to these events would always be a hardship. That was a wound that was only just beginning to scar. She wouldn’t have asked Jane to come all the way to Boston to accompany her, but she was undoubtedly glad that she had. 

As if sensing her unease, Jane offered her arm. “You okay?”

Maura gave a tense smile, “thank you for being here.” She looped her arm through Jane’s and together they walked inside the building.

Jane’s gaze softened, “anytime.”

They followed all of the signs pointing in the direction of the ballroom. Once they got inside, Jane gently squeezed Maura’s bicep to comfort her. Maura gave Jane a shaky grin in response, before taking a deep breath and a determined step forward.

The ballroom was designed and set up in a completely ostentatious way. Jane gulped inwardly at the opulent colors and artistic pieces placed strategically throughout the open area. It was all so very different than her own roots and it always left her a little winded and a little in awe to realize this was where Maura came from. But not where she chose to stay, she remembered their conversation the night before. She squared her shoulders and gave Maura a reassuring nod as they stepped further into the center of the room.

…

Jane didn’t know how long they had been inside, but it had been a while. She followed Maura through a side door and then they were outside. “Sorry,” Maura turned to face her, “I just needed some fresh air.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I will be.” She nodded reassuringly. “Do you want to walk?”

Jane nodded. The door they exited made way for a small courtyard. The path in front of them was paved, but the trees and bushes on either side had white fairy lights on their limbs. The party behind them was muffled behind the door creating an intimate and quiet atmosphere. Jane’s eyes were glued to Maura as they walked. She watched her exhale slowly and then her shoulders dropped in relief. Jane didn’t know what to do or say so she followed closely as Maura walked.

“It’s so nice out here.” Maura said softly as she looked up toward the trees. There was a serene smile on her face and Jane’s heart stumbled in her chest. How was it she was feeling more things in this moment than she had the entire time she dated Casey?

When a light breeze swept through the courtyard Maura rubbed her upper arms.

Jane slid out of her blazer and held it open for Maura, “here, put this on.”

“Then you’ll be cold.”

“Nah,” Jane shrugged. “I’m a hot-blooded Italian, remember?”

Maura shook her head with a laugh, but turned and slipped her arms through Jane’s still warm blazer. As her arm came down through the sleeve, Jane impulsively reached for her hand. Maura practically beamed at the ground as their fingers intertwined and they continued walking down the pathway. Jane smiled too as she gave the hand in hers a gentle squeeze.

At the end of the pathway there was a small gazebo. After walking inside, Maura leaned against the railing, still holding onto Jane’s hand and pulled her just a little bit closer. A loose strand had fallen from Maura’s up-do and Jane raised her free hand to brush the rogue lock behind Maura’s ear. Her fingers stilled against the coolness of Maura’s cheek. Jane took a shaky breath and moved a half-step closer. Despite this not being something she’d thought about for a long time, despite this not being where she thought she would be at the beginning of the week, this was the direction she knew she was supposed to go in. Dark brown eyes locked onto deep hazel as they both leaned toward each other, but right when they were about to finally kiss Maura’s phone rang from the pocket of Jane’s blazer.

Jane laughed. She dropped her forehead to Maura’s shoulder as Maura dug for the phone with a smile on her face and a blush. “Dr. Isles.”

Chapter Text

Maura slipped her cell phone back into the pocket of Jane’s blazer. She looked up at Jane wishing she could turn the clock back three minutes and get that promising kiss. “That was work.” She admitted with a defeated sigh.

Jane nodded in understanding, but her eyes darted briefly to Maura’s lips one final time before turning her attention back to Maura’s eyes. The moment that they were so clearly lost in began to fade. She bit her lip and nervously tapped her fingers against her thigh as she took a step backwards putting some space between them. “Duty calls.”

Maura smiled sadly, “yes, it does.” The words were heavy with longing, and hung in the air between them.

Finally, Jane took a fortifying breath. Being here with Maura in that capacity had her entire world a little off-kilter.  She felt like she was walking on unsteady ground, but somehow it was a good thing. The best thing. Jane looked at Maura once more. The small fairy lights danced along the pins holding her hair in place, her cheeks were pleasantly rosy – either from the slight chill of the outside air, or from their almost kiss. A stray curl fell from the updo and brushed against her cheek. Suddenly, all Jane wanted was to pull Maura back into her space, feel the heat of her body, and kiss her until they were absolutely breathless. Instead, she shoved one hand into the pocket of her slacks, and extended the other to Maura.

Slowly, they made their way back into the main ballroom. The quiet, intimate atmosphere that had surrounded them outside was swallowed up by the cacophony of the crowd and clinking glass. Beside her, Maura stiffened at the sudden resurgence of noise. Jane would’ve missed it if Maura hadn’t been holding her hand. She watched as Maura’s eyes darted around the room clocking exit routes and doorways. Jane’s heart ached for her. She gave the hand in hers a squeeze. “Are you okay?”

Maura sunk a little more into Jane’s side with a sigh. “I will be. I think I’ll always be wary at these events now.” She squared her shoulders. “Let’s say our goodbyes, and then we can go.”  

After what seemed like forever in Jane’s eyes, they finally made it to the front of the building and the valet. As they waited Maura turned toward Jane. “Do you want me to drop you off at the house?”

Jane gave her a disbelieving look. “Hell no.”

“I didn’t think so.” Maura laughed, squeezing Jane’s hand. “Will you be good and stay in the car?”

Jane pretended to think on it before answering with a wry grin, “probably not.”

Maura shook her head, smiling just slightly. “That’s what I thought.” Seemingly unconsciously Maura rubbed her thumb back and forth across Jane’s knuckles, familiarizing herself with the motion. Jane’s hands were deceptively soft, and she couldn’t wait to do this more. There were things they would have to navigate – like distance and time – but for now, this was more than enough. More than anything Maura could’ve ever possibly hoped for.

Jane didn’t bother hiding her smile as Maura leaned against her shoulder while they waited. She liked this. There were only a handful of people she had dated seriously in her adult life, and though she and Maura didn’t talk about this as being a date per se, it had all the makings of one. And Jane felt more in these last few hours than she did after dating someone for months. It shouldn’t have surprised her, really. Things with Maura had always been different. She looked down at their still intertwined fingers with a small smile, warmth spreading through her chest.

She liked that, too.

Finally, the valet pulled forward and gave Maura the keys. Silence fell over them as they settled into the car. Jane fidgeted in her seat as Maura pulled onto the road. She felt like she needed to say something, that she needed to acknowledge what happened. Or what almost happened. “So,” she started, stretching the word out, “we almost…kissed.”

In the driver’s seat, Maura bit her lip nervously but her eyes remained focused on the road. “We did.”

Jane turned her head to look out of the passenger window at the streetlights and cars passing by. A slow smile spread across her face as the reality of that sentence and the last few hours settled on her shoulders. “It was kind of nice.”

Maura looked over at Jane with a soft smile. “Only kind of?”

Jane laughed then. Tension released from her body as she realized that they could actually do this. They could make this work. They’d already been through so much together. Going into this next phase wasn’t an end to one thing and a beginning of another, it was a continuation. The thought made her grin. “Well…” heat crept up her neck as she imagined what they could be doing – would be doing – if Maura’s phone hadn’t rung. “Well, it probably would’ve been really nice.”

Maura laughed too, a high note that made her shoulders dance.

…

Jane’s stomach twisted itself into knots as they pulled to a stop by the crime scene. Police cruisers and caution tape cordoned off the area in front of them. She swallowed hard as Maura put the car in park. Maybe she did need a break from all of this, but she felt that familiar pull toward the flashing lights that made her want to join the department all those years ago tugging at her insides. If there was ever a sign, she felt this was it. This was where she belonged, not in some classroom in DC.

Beside her, Maura took a deep breath and a hardness necessary for the job swept over her. Her shoulders were square as she opened the door and stepped out of the car one high heel at a time.

Maura turned to Jane as Jane followed her. “Technically, you should really stay in the car. I know you won’t, but I just need to say that.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Noted.”

For her credit, Jane did wait for Maura to grab her medical bag from the trunk of the car before following her to the crime scene. She passed under the caution tape right behind Maura. The perimeter cop gave her a knowing look but wisely said nothing.

Frankie was already there squatting next to the body, not touching anything, though he had gloves on, but just looking. At the sound of more footsteps, he looked up and as he did, he had to do a double take. “Jane?”

Jane gave an awkward wave.

“I told her to wait in the car.” Maura explained as she stepped forward.

“She did.”

“Why are you here? How are you here? You’re supposed to be in DC.”

“It’s a long story. What do you got?”

In her periphery, Jane could see Maura shook her head, but her lips curled upward just a tiny bit at the corners. Frankie waited a beat, like he was still trying to put together the pieces in front of him. He looked from Maura to Jane and back again with narrowed eyes. It was then that Jane realized Maura was still wearing her blazer. She didn’t know how to explain that, so she left him to his confusion and instead focused on Maura’s carefully delivered words and directions to the crime scene techs.

…

Jane’s leg bounced as she sat on the couch in Maura’s office. She’d, of course, been relegated to the sidelines by the stick-on visitor’s badge on her chest. She was about as happy about it as she was the last time she’d had to wear it. But at least this time she wasn’t recovering from a gunshot wound. She glanced at Maura for the umpteenth time. She’d changed into slacks and a button-up blouse after she’d done the autopsy. Her reading glasses balanced precariously at the end of her nose as she typed fastidiously at her computer. She was in full work mode, despite the hour, and Jane hated that she wasn’t her counterpart upstairs. Frankie’s frequent visits to the morgue didn’t help matters. But Jane was happy to see how much he’d learned in her time away. She was proud of her little brother.

Jane toyed with the edges of her phone case. She could only play so much Candy Crush and could only check her email so many times.

Finally, Maura stood from her chair with a yawn. “The initial report has been filed, and there’s nothing else I can do until the lab comes back with the results of the tests.” She covered her mouth as she yawned again.

Jane stood with a soft smile, her regrets dissolving as she watched Maura. She grabbed her blazer from the sofa next to her. “Let’s get you home. You look like you’re about to turn into a pumpkin.”

…

As they walked inside Maura’s house, Maura toed off her shoes by the door while Jane set the keys on the table.

“Are you hungry?” Maura asked, her brow adorably furrowed as she walked into the kitchen with yet another yawn.

Jane reached for Maura’s hand, stopping her progress halfway to the kitchen. “Come on.” Maura didn’t put up a protest as Jane guided her to the stairs. “We can have a big breakfast in the morning. We both know labs won’t be back on a Sunday.”

Maura nodded. “That’s true.”

Jane smiled as she watched Maura sleepily navigate the stairs. She was cute when she was tired. Her eyes were all droopy and she was constantly yawning. A simple question caused her to have this adorably confused look on her face.

Once they crossed the threshold to Maura’s bedroom the air seemed to thicken. Maura blinked a few times, seemingly becoming more awake in just a few seconds.

They were both too tired for anything more than sleep, Jane knew. And they had shared a bed a thousand different times, so this shouldn’t be any different. But something about it was. The air was different, the energy in the room felt different. Jane didn’t know what to do with herself. Maybe she should go to the guest room, but her bag was already up here sitting in the corner looking inconspicuous and innocent.

“I’ll take the bathroom first.” Maura announced, taking the bull by the horns.

While she was in the bathroom, Jane went to her bag and changed into boxers and an old Boston PD shirt from her academy days. She looked down at her simple ensemble. Her shirt had seen better days – the black was so faded it was almost a dark gray, there was a small hole on the shoulder, and the BPD lettering was halfway peeled off. None of it screamed seductress. Not that seductress was what she was going for…but still, she wished she’d brought something else with her.

Finally, Maura emerged from the bathroom. Her hair was loosely braided and over one shoulder, her pajamas made Jane do a double take. She was in flannel pajamas with little turtles all over them. Jane grinned widely. She stepped forward, pulling at Maura’s sleeve. “These are cute.”

Maura looked down at her pajamas with a bright smile, “Angela got them for me. They’re so soft and comfy.”

While Jane had her turn in the bathroom, Maura got the room ready for sleep. She turned off the main light and turned on the lamp on her nightstand instead. She turned down the covers and settled into her side of the bed. Once Jane emerged and got comfy on her side, Maura turned the lamp off.

There was about half a foot of space between them. Maura wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. This was all, of course, by their own doing. She’d spent so much time denying her feelings that she wasn’t sure what to do with herself, now they were out in the open. She rolled onto her side. Her eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and she gazed at Jane’s profile next to her.

The woman was lying on her back with her hands on her stomach. She wasn’t asleep, just staring at the ceiling. Maura could see her fingers dancing an undetectable pattern against her stomach. Jane was just as nervous and thrown off by this change in them as she was. It was heartening. Why were they so far apart? Unconsciously, she found herself reaching across the space between them – slowly, tentatively – for Jane’s hand. The nervous motions stilled. Jane turned her head toward Maura.

“Thank you for being here.” Maura thumb moved slowly across Jane’s knuckles. It was a mirrored move of what Maura had done earlier, but this time it felt different. Softer. More intimate.

Jane found herself turning before she even realized it so they were facing each other. She almost wished for a light – just so she could see the expression on Maura’s face. But she liked this too. The darkness made her feel bolder. She intertwined their fingers, letting their joined hands rest in the space between them. “Me too.” She brought their hands closer to her and, only hesitating slightly, kissed the back of Maura’s knuckles, before settling their hands back where they were. Maura blinked slowly, giving Jane a soft, serene look before doing the same as Jane and kissing Jane’s knuckles

Chapter Text

Jane woke slowly the next morning. She’d been down in a deep, dreamless sleep. The kind that left her body feeling slow and sluggish to rise. She could’ve probably closed her eyes and drifted back into that space but her bladder demanded otherwise. She blinked a few times, willing her body to wake up. It took her sleep addled brain a few more seconds to recognize why she was so snug and warm, and just whose bed she was in that was so ungodly comfortable.

She smiled.

At some point, in the middle of the night she and Maura had shifted positions and now in these early hours their bodies pressed together in a tight embrace. One of Jane’s arms was slung around Maura’s waist and she could feel Maura’s hand gently holding hers to her chest. Maura’s butt was cradled against Jane’s hips and the hand that wasn’t captured in Maura’s was underneath their shared pillow, her arm numb.

Jane had never woken up with someone like this before. With the guys she dated there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to be the big spoon – at least not without them feeling emasculated. Just like the hand holding the night before – this was different. It felt different. Less suffocating. Less confining. More normal. More natural.

Before Jane could ruminate further, her bladder alerted her again.

Slowly, she extracted herself from Maura’s grasp and body and climbed out of the bed. When she came out of the bathroom, she bit her lip to stop her smile. Maura was still asleep but had turned to face Jane’s side of the bed, an arm outstretched across the mattress like she’d been reaching for her. Jane took a deep breath trying to shove the sentimentality she suddenly felt back down her throat. She climbed into the bed and pulled Maura slowly to her. Automatically, Maura – still half-asleep – put her head on Jane’s shoulder and slung an arm and a leg over Jane’s body. Jane sighed, sinking back into the mattress, her eyelids already heavy.

She could get used to this.

…

Maura cut into her omelet with a smile. Jane sat across from her, sipping from a mug of hot coffee and quietly flipping through the newspaper Maura still had delivered every day in between bites of her own breakfast.

It had been unexpected to wake up that morning wrapped up in Jane’s arms. Unexpected, but definitely not unwelcome. Her curves fit with Jane’s like they were made for each other. The smell of lavender and peppermint, the feel of hard muscle and soft skin underneath a ragged t-shirt – it made for a fantastic night of sleep. She woke up well rested and ready for the day, though she had wanted to stay in that blissful cocoon all day, her body had told her it was time to get up.

“You’re staring.”

A blush raced up Maura’s neck and into her cheeks. She had been staring. She didn’t know how to defend herself so instead she drank her coffee and said nothing.

Jane folded the newspaper up and set it in the empty place next to her at the table. She cut a piece of her own omelet and chewed. A thoughtful expression came over her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Huh?”

“You just…” Maura took another bite. “You look like you’re thinking about something.”

“I am.” Jane paused. “I was…does this…is this weird for you? I feel like it should be weird.” Her eyes locked with Maura’s. “But it’s not.”

Maura set her fork down and wiped at her mouth with her napkin. It should’ve felt weird or strange. But it didn’t. Other than the way they woke up that morning, everything about this had been so normal. Jane staying over. Sharing a bed. And even the cuddling – she would’ve been lying if she said they’d never woken up tangled together before. Of course, those were usually nights filled with nightmares from either or both of them and they’d been seeking comfort and support. They of course never talked about those nights, but they had still happened. And Jane had gone to her charity events and galas as her plus one for years. Sitting together, having breakfast together, Jane reading the antiquated newspaper while they ate and drank their coffee – it was all so painstakingly normal, part of their routine. Or, at least it was, until Jane moved to Washington D.C. “You’re right. It doesn’t feel weird.” She looked up at Jane. “I’m kind of glad though.”

“Me too.” Jane smiled. She seemed to relax then. Her shoulders falling just a little and her smile just a bit brighter.

Maura looked at her watch. She didn’t want to ask, but she didn’t want it hanging over her head for however many hours she and Jane had left. “When do you have to leave?”

Jane looked up. Maura was meticulously cutting up her omelet, not meeting her gaze. “Tomorrow.”

Maura’s brows furrowed in confusion. “It’s Sunday. You have work in the morning?” It came out as a question, rather than a statement.

Jane set her utensils down and placed her hand on the table palm up, waiting for Maura to take the invitation. When she did, Jane traced her thumb over Maura’s knuckles soothingly. “When you were in the shower, I asked one of my colleagues – Eric – if he would do me a favor and cover my sessions tomorrow. He said he would.”

Maura smiled then like sunshine and hope and relief and the whole room felt brighter. “We get another day.”

Jane nodded. “Just have to figure out how to spend it.”

After the elephant in the room had been tackled, conversation flowed. They talked about everything from the case Maura was now suddenly in the middle of, to the astonishingly bad drivers Jane encountered on her drive back to Boston, to how Frankie was really doing and everything in between.

After putting their dishes away, they moved to the living room, deciding mutually that a lazy day was warranted. They spent most of the day sitting on opposite sides of the couch, their legs stretched toward each other and tangled together, while watching The History Channel and Animal Planet. They ate a light lunch of sandwiches and crackers. After they ate, Jane’s phone chimed with a text from Angela. Jane rolled her eyes as she read it.

Maura poked her with her foot. “What?”

“Ma,” Jane said, “guilt tripping me as usual. She said if I’d told her I was coming home this weekend she would’ve planned a dinner, but everyone’s working. And she hopes we figured it out.” She finished with a laugh.

“Your mom knows about…us?”

“I brought cookies from her when I came over, remember?”

“Vaguely.” Maura admitted with a soft laugh. “I was half-asleep.”

“I was sitting outside in my car trying to get the nerve to come inside.” Jane started. “She knocked on the window – about scared me half to death. We…we talked.”

“You did?” Absently Maura stroked up and down Jane’s sock covered foot. The motion soothing and comforting.

“Yeah.” Jane smiled. “It was nice. So,” Jane shrugged, “she knows about us. Or at least what I hoped to have happened when I came over.”

“And she’s…okay?” Maura had stopped her movement but held onto Jane’s foot like a lifeline.

“Yeah, Maura, she is.” They locked eyes and both of them let out a deep breath. A weight seemed to disappear off of Maura’s shoulders.

They sat in silence for a while after that. It was comfortable and quiet and Jane could imagine doing this every day with Maura. Having a good breakfast, talking over the newspaper, cleaning up together and this – sitting opposite on the same couch that had seen them through so many terrible days. This could be her future. And she wanted it so desperately. It was the real reason she’d postponed going back to D.C. by a day. She wanted a chance to talk to Cavanaugh and beg for her old job back.

After a while, Jane poked Maura’s thigh with her sock covered toes. “So, this is what you do while we’re busting our butts trying to find a lead, huh?” She teased with a laugh.

Maura rolled her eyes. She pulled Jane’s big toe. “If it was you instead of Frankie, you know where I’d be. Even if there’s not anything more I can do.”

“So, you do like working with me better than Frankie!”

Maura scoffed, before giving Jane a teasing raise of an eyebrow. “Of course. You know how long it took to train you? I had to start from scratch with him.”

Jane laughed, the sound light and airy in the open space. “Oh, you trained me, huh?”

Maura smiled innocently. She leaned back into the arm of the couch. The living room was quiet and comfortable. For a moment, at least, everything felt normal. As it should be. “I’m glad you came.” Maura spoke to the sock resting against her thigh, her voice soft and low.

Jane wiggled her foot against Maura’s leg. “Me too.”

“How are we going to do this?” Maura hadn’t meant to ask the question out loud, but she’d suddenly been barraged by logistics and semantics. How on earth were they going to make this work? It was Sunday, which meant Jane would need to leave to go back home. Because this – as much as it pained her – wasn’t Jane’s home anymore. Where would that leave them? Who would do the traveling? Would she have to move to D.C.? It wasn’t like the FBI had never headhunted her for a position with them. Jane had talked about wanting to come back to Boston, but it was never anything concrete. Just words. How long until she could come back? Would she have to start over at the police department? The more she thought about it the more questions popped into her mind.

Jane’s reply was honest, but it didn’t help ease the worry now gnawing at her insides. “I don’t know.”

Maura closed her eyes for a second. Everything – she’d gotten everything she wanted and now, now it was going to crumble right in her hands before she could even get a real taste. Maura stood abruptly, blinking quickly. She knew Jane wouldn’t have the answers, so she didn’t know why it was hitting her so hard that she didn’t. She appreciated the honesty, really.

“Maura wait…” Jane jumped, knowing she’d said the wrong thing. She had a plan. During the evening, the drive, her time in D.C. – it had started as a small kernel of possibility. An idea. It had been slowly coming to shape in her mind. But she didn’t have anything substantial to give to Maura. Nothing had been set in motion, yet.

“Just getting a drink.” Maura said quickly.

“Maura.” Jane tried again. She stood and took the few steps to get to her. She grabbed Maura’s arm stopping her progress to the kitchen, pulling her close. There were a million things Jane wanted to say. Needed to say. But seeing the worry, the trepidation, the fear in Maura’s eyes made all the words disappear on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she brought both of her hands to frame Maura’s face. Jane gently traced her thumbs over unbelievably soft skin. She wanted to stay here forever counting the freckles that dusted across Maura’s cheeks, over her nose. Maura’s brow furrowed and hazel eyes blinked up at her in confusion. Jane leaned forward, pausing a moment to glance at Maura’s eyes ready to pull back if this wasn’t what Maura wanted. Maura gave an imperceptible nod, leaning into Jane just a fraction more.

The kiss was hesitant at first, from both of them. Just a gentle, barely-there touch of lips. Jane pulled away far too soon for either of their liking. Her chest was practically heaving, her heart pounding out of her chest. She looked deeply into Maura’s eyes. The fear and the worry had been replaced with something else, something akin to desire and want and need.

The second kiss was longer, and when Maura slanted her mouth against Jane’s – deeper. Maura’s hands grabbed at Jane’s hips, clutching the fabric of her t-shirt in her fists. Lack of oxygen made them separate. Jane rested her forehead against Maura’s, closing her eyes. Her hands falling from Maura’s face to her waist, holding her even closer. Maura’s breath was just as broken as her own and Jane found herself grinning. This woman, this moment – it was everything.

She stepped away, just a fraction. Maura’s fingers flexed against her shirt, not wanting to let her go. But she needn’t worry. Jane interlaced their fingers and brought them both to the couch. Their thighs pressed together as they sat side by side, fingers still tightly intertwined.

“Tomorrow,” Jane cleared her throat, as she spoke, she brought her index finger under Maura’s chin tilting her head so they were looking at each other, “tomorrow, I’m going to talk to Cavanaugh. See if I can get my job back. I want to finish this training class at the academy, to not leave them in a lurch. It’ll only be a few more weeks. And if I can’t get my old job back, I can work a different department. I’ll wear a uniform or work evidence management if I have to. I just…” She bit her lip, her eyes locking onto Maura’s once more. Gently, she traced down the side of Maura’s cheek with the pad of her finger. “I want to be here. With you. Whatever it takes.” She leaned forward, unable to resist. When her lips were a hair’s breadth away from Maura’s she whispered, “I want to come home.” And kissed her.

That kiss had led to another and another and another until they were making out like teenagers. Somehow, Maura had ended up on her back on the couch with Jane stretched out on top of her. At first, Jane had been resistant to rest her weight fully against Maura afraid of squishing her, but Maura pulled her closer by her belt loops until Jane had no other choice but to follow Maura’s lead. Jane made a small noise of surprise when their bodies finally connected. One of Maura’s hands was tangled in Jane’s thick, unruly hair while the other danced against the skin of her back. Her neatly clipped fingernails scratching ever so slightly against smooth, warm skin with each pass.

Jane moaned into Maura’s mouth. She shifted her hips between Maura’s and swallowed Maura’s gasp when her hip bone inadvertently pressed against the inseam of Maura’s jeans. Hesitating only slightly, Jane slowly eased her left hand underneath Maura’s shirt. Her skin was soft, and warm to the touch. Their frenetic kissing paused. Jane licked her lips, watching as her hand moved underneath Maura’s blouse.

Maura was breathing heavily; Jane could feel her muscles tense and release with each breath. When her fingers touched the underside of Maura’s bra, Maura’s breath hitched in the back of her throat and her body arched off the couch. Suddenly, Jane wanted more. So, so much more.

“Jane.” Maura all but panted, her eyes locking onto Jane’s. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Once Maura’s bedroom door was shut, the pair stared at each other without moving. The moment felt suddenly big. Maura was the first to speak, her voice soft and soothing. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Jane. There’s no rush.”

Jane smiled. She stepped closer and grabbed Maura’s hand. She swallowed hard. “I want to.” It surprised her how much truth was in that statement. Sex had always been a take-it or leave-it affair for her. Something that was nice, but not always something she craved. But she was craving now. “Do…do you?”

Maura threw her head back and laughed. She looked back at Jane, hazel eyes bright with desire. “I do.”

“Okay.” Jane said in a breathy whisper as she pulled Maura to her. Unlike the kissing downstairs, this one was slow and unhurried. While their mouths moved against each other, Jane’s fingers began unbuttoning Maura’s blouse from the bottom up. With each button Jane spread her fingers against newly exposed skin, loving the way Maura’s body felt underneath her touch. It wasn’t long before Maura’s shirt hit the floor, and then her bra and then Jane’s.

With each item of clothing that was removed their desire only rose until finally they crawled into bed together with nothing between them.

Afterwards, Maura was curled into Jane’s side while Jane played with the ends of her hair. The skin on skin contact was new and exciting, yet something about it felt familiar. Maura snuggled closer to Jane with a sigh.

“Was that a good sigh or a bad one?” Jane asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

Maura grinned against the skin of Jane’s shoulder. “A good one. A very good one.”

Despite what they had just done, Jane felt a blush spread up her neck and through her cheeks.

At Jane’s silence, Maura moved up on to her elbow to look her in the face. “Are you blushing?” She grinned down at Jane, a smug, teasing look on her face. “After everything we just did, you’re going to blush when I basically say I’m satisfied?” Maura gave a deep chuckle.

Jane groaned, covering her face with her free hand. “I know.”

Maura pried the hand away from Jane’s face and laced her fingers through Jane’s. She turned Jane’s chin toward her. Brown eyes met hers – for the first time in a very long time, Maura could see how clear they were, full of love and hope and a dash of desire. They weren’t haunted or tired or pained. As much as it hurt to admit it, maybe Jane leaving for Washington D.C. had been a good thing. It had given her – given them both, really – perspective. Jane’s brows furrowed and she realized she’d been staring for too long. Slowly, she leaned down into Jane’s space, her body pressing more firmly into Jane’s. “I love you.” She said softly before kissing her firmly. It didn’t take long for Jane to flip Maura underneath her.

They spent most of the rest of the day in Maura’s bedroom learning each other’s body. A litany of I love you’s were whispered against skin, and panted out between heavy breaths and sighs. The words had been held back for so long that now they were free they had to be spoken, over and over. And when they finally fell against each other, sated, they were whispered one more time before eyelids began to droop.

Chapter Text

Jane turned her head deeper into the pillow underneath her with a soft sigh. The bed was warm and Maura’s body next to hers even warmer. Jane didn’t want to move, but there wasn’t much time left. The alarm would go off shortly, and then they’d have to say goodbye soon after that. Her chest ached at the thought. She wanted time to stand still so she could savor these last few moments.

Gently, she traced a finger over the curve of Maura’s bare shoulder, causing Maura to turn in her sleep toward the touch. Jane smiled.

Her mind began to wander as she continued to stroke nonsensical patterns against unbelievably soft skin. It wasn’t often that Jane woke next to another person, never mind naked next to another person. When she left for Boston on Friday afternoon, she hadn’t expected this – any of this – during her long drive. And it was a long drive. Of course, she knew how Maura felt, and that kept most of the feelings of inadequacy and the anxiety at bay. But she’d still been scared. Nervous. Now, the only regret she’d had was that she had to leave. Saying goodbye would be harder this time, knowing just exactly what she was leaving behind.

Slowly, Jane pressed her lips to the shoulder she’d been touching. She pulled Maura a little bit closer, snuggling into her and the comforter.

She could do this forever.

The thought struck her as odd simply because she’d thought it. It wasn’t like her to wax poetic with lengthy internal monologues about her dates. That just wasn’t the type of person she was. Ever. But with Maura – their entangled limbs a very obvious Case in Point – things were different. It was a shame that she only just realized all of the possibility that lay here in her arms. So much time had been wasted already.

Maura turned in her arms then. Sleepy, hazel eyes blinked slowly up at her.

“Good morning.” Jane’s voice was raw with disuse. The hand that had been on her shoulder moved to toy with the ends of Maura’s long hair. She bit back a groan when Maura stretched, her bare body sliding deliciously against her own. She swallowed thickly as Maura yawned, completely oblivious. And when Maura turned to her again, eyes wide and honest and loving – Jane couldn’t help the words as they fell from her lips. “I love you.”

Maura averted her gaze for a moment as a slight blush dusted her cheeks. “I thought you weren’t in love with me, yet.” She said coyly. Her hand wrapped around Jane’s hip, pulling her all the closer, her fingers danced down warm, warm skin until they rested just above the swell of Jane’s bottom.

That time, Jane didn’t hold back her groan. Her eyelids fluttered and she took a steadying breath. “That was the day before yesterday. I’ve reevaluated since then.”

“Oh, really?” Maura hummed, leaning in close. “You fall fast.”

“I think I’ve been falling since I met you. I was just too stupid to realize it.”

Maura threw her head back and laughed – the sound light and carefree – at the shocked look on Jane’s face, as if she was shocked by her own words.

Jane covered her face with the sheet. “God, that was corny.” She pulled the sheet back down, and dropped her hands to her sides, giving Maura a pretend glare. “What have you done to me?”

Maura smiled as she crawled on top of Jane. Jane’s hands immediately braced on Maura’s bare sides. “I don’t know, but I like it.”

…

Jane wrung her hands. Her fingers pressed reflexively against old scar tissue over and over and over. The movements were practiced and familiar. When it was her turn to sign the visitor’s log at the front desk, she nearly fumbled the pen. The receptionist – a woman who looked like she took her job a little too seriously – gave her a stern look as she slid the sticker badge toward Jane with clear instruction on where to place it. Jane placed it carefully over her left breast under the woman’s watch and then turned.

Maura had been hovering off to the side and Jane could tell she was trying, and failing, to suppress a smile over the interaction. Jane bumped her hip against Maura’s with a grin as they waited for the elevator. “She reminds me of the nuns from grade school.” Jane mumbled.

Maura shook her head with a little laugh. As they waited in front of the elevator, Maura turned to Jane and spoke in a quiet voice, “are you sure this is what you want?”

“Of course,” Jane furrowed her eyebrows, looking around at the empty atrium she reached for Maura’s hand. She thought they’d gone over this already, but she was more than willing to offer as much reassurance as needed. “You, Boston, being a cop – that’s all I want in the world.” Gently, she squeezed the fingers she’d been holding.

Maura seemed to relax again. “I must sound so…pathetic.” She gave a huff of a self-conscious laugh.

“What? No!” Jane turned toward her.

Maura smiled at her kindly, as the elevator doors dung open. They were going up, and Maura let go of Jane’s hand with one last squeeze. “It’s been quite the weekend, and I know reality is about to set back in, so I just wanted to make sure one last time.”

“I know, Maura, god, if anyone’s pathetic it’s me for being so dense and not realizing this,” she gestured between the two of them, “was here the whole time.” 

Maura grinned, she pushed Jane a little toward the elevator. “Go. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done. We can grab an early lunch before you go?”

“Of course.” Jane looked around at the empty area around them. With one leg in the elevator to keep the doors opened, Jane pulled at the lapel of Maura’s blazer for one last kiss.

…

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Detective Crowe sneered from his spot next to the coffee maker.

Jane rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have coffee in your own unit, Crowe?”

He laughed. “Homicide’s is always better. Besides, numbers here are pretty slim,” he motioned his head around the near empty room, “if you haven’t noticed. Thought I’d chip in, like old times.”

Jane snorted, “emphasis on old.”

“Lieutenant’s in his office.”

“How do you know what I’m here for?”

“Unless you’re here for a family reunion – Frankie’s out canvassing.” He shook his head. “How you two are related is beyond me. He's a hell of a lot smarter than you.”

“Oh ha-ha.”

Crowe shook his head and walked away with a file under his arm.

As Jane walked further into the room a wave of nostalgia hit her so hard, she stopped moving for a moment. Memories came flooding back to her. Her desk – which was empty, still – a good sign, perhaps? Frankie’s desk opposite hers, Frost’s toy, no, action figure, standing at attention on his desk, even after all this time. The smell of stale coffee, another detective’s questionable lunch, the faint scent of body odor, and the hopeless attempt at covering it all up with the Hawaiian air freshener in the corner.

She had given so many years to this room. Had spent night after night poring over surveillance photos and crime scene evidence here. She’d scribbled notes, taken copious amounts of phone calls, and fallen asleep in the middle of it all here.

And she felt it, the exact unidentifiable thing that she’d felt during that field trip to the station in elementary school all those years ago. This - this was where she belonged. This was where she was meant to be. How could she have possibly thought she was through? That she’d given enough of her life, when she still had so many, many years left. Not only to give, but to serve.

A sense of calm washed over her as she stared at the familiar walls and listened to the background noise of low voices and ringing phones. This was home, and she would make her way back here, even if she had to claw her way back. She squared her shoulders and walked with purpose towards Cavanaugh’s door. She knocked.

…

Maura twisted the rings on her fingers until her skin underneath burned, then she took to tapping a pen against her desk. It didn’t help. The tests she’d sent for when she did the autopsy over the weekend hadn’t come back yet as it was still early Monday morning, but it left her with nothing to do.

To fill her time, she’d checked her email, spoken to her crime scene techs and morgue interns, she’d ordered supplies, and checked her email again. Briefly, her eyes flickered toward the ceiling. What was taking so long? It’d only been an hour, but it felt like so much more. What she would’ve given to be a fly on the wall in Cavanaugh’s office.

She had looked up what the protocol was for a situation like Jane’s, and hadn’t found much information. With Jane’s dearth of experience and dedicated service, Maura couldn’t imagine Jane having to start over at a patrol cop level. Though the uniform, Maura thought idly with a small smirk, had potential.

As she was about to open her email for the third time, she heard a soft knock on the propped open office door. She jumped.

Jane stood there, looking perfect in her white oxford and charcoal slacks, her blazer hung over her forearm. She was smiling. That was a good sign, right? Without thinking, Maura stood and crossed the room. Jane plopped down on the couch with a huff.

“Well?” Maura prompted impatiently after a moment of silence.

Jane’s poker face broke then, revealing her classic Rizzoli grin. “I got it back!”

Maura squealed, flinging her arms around Jane’s neck. “Yay! I’m so happy!”

Jane automatically wrapped her arms around Maura. She took a moment to soak it all in. She looked up at the ceiling a silent thank you passing through her mind to whoever may be listening. “It comes with a stipulation.” She continued as Maura pulled back, sitting at a more appropriate space away from her.

“Which is?”

Jane took a deep breath. “Other than having to recertify for basically everything, he said he’d only take me back if I took the sergeant’s exam in two months.” Jane let out a long breath. The timing would work out perfectly, as in two months or so she’d be finished with her current round of classes at the FBI Academy. And she could recertify for her weapons courses, tactical certificates, negotiation techniques and fitness throughout the weekends while she visited Maura.

“So, you’ll be Sergeant Rizzoli.”

“Sergeant Detective Rizzoli” Jane said with a grin. She had to admit, it had a nice ring to it. “If I pass the test.”

“Obviously, you’re going to pass. I’ll help you study!” Maura said excitedly. “I’ll find a review guide and we can make flashcards.”

Jane rolled her eyes at Maura, who had gone glassy eyed as she talked about the best study techniques. “He also said next time to just take a vacation when I felt burnt out.” She added with a laugh, interrupting Maura’s monologue about all-nighters and how they were counterproductive. “You know, instead of going for an entire career change. The paperwork is much easier.”

Maura rolled her eyes with a small laugh of her own.

Silence fell between them for a beat. Jane glanced at her watch with a grimace. “I know it’s early yet, and you’ve got real work to do, but do you want to go for a walk in the park and maybe grab a small bite before I have to head back?”

Maura smiled and nodded.

…

Jane turned her face toward the sun with a bright smile. It was shining brightly in the sky and the warmth felt heavenly against her skin, though the air was still chilled enough to warrant wearing her blazer as they walked. They took slow, measured steps savoring these last few moments together before they had to say goodbye. Jane rubbed her thumb over Maura’s knuckles as they walked hand-in-hand. This was a peace she hadn’t felt in a long time, if ever. She smiled down at the woman on her right. In such a short amount of time, it felt like everything had changed.

She didn’t know if they had been building to this ever since that fateful day when Maura offered to pay for her coffee while she was dressed in her hooker garb, or if it was just something that happened. It didn’t matter, not really, in the grand scheme of life. But it amazed her all the same that the incredible woman next to her was hers. It was a thought that Jane, even after weeks of analyzing it, and even after this past weekend, still found hard to believe.

But Maura’s words of affirmation, her attention, the way she looked at her – told her it was all true. Maura loved her. There was no getting around that, no pretending it didn’t happen, and no taking any of this back. Not that she wanted to. She wasn’t the type to believe in Love – big love with a capital L. Sure, if you were lucky maybe you found your person, but she never thought she would be the lucky one. Yet, here she was.

She desperately wanted time to stand still, wanted to stay exactly where she was where Maura was always within reach. But she’d made choices too long ago that she couldn’t take back. She had a commitment in DC, a job she didn’t completely hate but one she didn’t love waiting for her.

But she would be back.

She finally found a place to call home, and it was where she had always been from the start.

She turned to Maura as they stood in front of their cars. She pulled Maura to her body; long arms wrapped around her small frame in a fierce hug. When they pulled apart, Jane gently braced her hands on either side of Maura’s face. Her thumbs brushed across warm, freckled cheeks. Bright hazel eyes stared back at her – golden and green flecks sparkling like a kaleidoscope of fall colors. They didn’t say anything for a long moment. Gently, Jane leaned down slightly. She pressed her lips softly and slowly against Maura’s knowing she would never grow tired of this. Of her. “I love you.” She whispered the words reverently into soft, pink lips.

She had started the weekend unsure of that. Unsure about a lot of things, if she were being honest. Somewhere between the weeks of questioning and her spur of the moment decision to drive to Boston that Friday, things had begun to fall into place.

Of course, it was Maura. It had always been Maura.

“I love you, too.” Maura murmured back. She turned, and tucked her head into Jane’s shoulder giving her one last, long hug. “Please let me know when you’ve arrived.”

“I will.”

After a moment, Jane offered, “I’ll be back in two weeks to take my handgun recertification.”

Maura nodded. “I’ll come to DC the weekend after that.” She grinned up at Jane, fingering the lapels of her blazer, “I’ll bring flashcards.”

Jane groaned playfully. “Ugh.” Her grin slowly faded. Maura’s hair was longer than she’d ever remembered it being, landing just under her shoulders. She decided she liked the length, as she twirled the ends around her fingers before letting them go. “We’ll be okay.”

Maura nodded. “I know.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to either.” Maura smiled sadly up at Jane, “but you have to.”

Jane leaned in for one last kiss. She lingered, not caring that they were in public, and just wanting to be closer. “I’ll call you.”

“You better.”

With one last hug, and one more lingering kiss, they parted and walked to their separate cars.

Chapter Text

Maura rolled over, jostling the leg that was draped over her own. She found herself smiling in spite of the early hour as she reached for her ringing phone. Next to her, the bed shifted and the leg moved farther away. She heard a heavy arm slap onto the nightstand and a muffled curse, before a clearing of a throat and then a raspy, “Rizzoli.”

Maura answered her call a beat later, “Isles.” Maura’s grin remained in place, despite the reason for the call.

The last few months had been difficult. She and Jane found little ways to stay connected – it wasn’t much different than before that fateful weekend, which now felt like it happened a lifetime ago. Her evenings were filled with video chats, and long text messaging sessions. She’d become one of those people attached to her phone, and she wasn’t bothered by it at all. Jane had come to Boston to take her tests on some weekends, and Maura had ventured to DC on others. She’d gotten used to airport snacks and strange magazines. There wasn’t ever a time when she felt like things were going to fall apart for them.

Maura didn’t know if it was knowing that it wouldn’t be like this for long, or if it was something else – but she was grateful for it. Every time she found herself back in Jane’s arms, she never wanted to leave. And when that moving van pulled in front of her house a few days ago a peace settled over her – and it still hadn’t left, despite the chaos that ensued. Maura grinned at the ceiling as she remembered the moment Jane stepped out of her car.

Angela had shrieked and made a big show of running toward Jane the second her long frame was free of the vehicle. Tommy and Frankie stood by shaking their heads, both of them giving her an are you sure about this? look.

She and Jane had briefly talked about it being too soon to move in together. Though, that idea had been quickly dismissed. It just didn’t make sense for Jane to go to all the trouble of finding a new apartment, when Maura’s home had more than enough room for the both of them.

Moving Jane in had been a fairly easy affair with the hired help and Jane’s brothers. Though, admittedly most of Jane’s furniture was still stowed in the garage. Frankie and Tommy both had their eyes on a few things. Angela had made a big dinner, and when everyone left Maura and Jane had gone upstairs to their bedroom. Now, it would seem, they would be working their first case together, again.

Jane dropped her arm off the side of the bed with a groan. Maura rolled over, practically on top of Jane. She slid her hand underneath Jane’s worn t-shirt, her fingers spreading across warm, warm skin. She hummed into the mess of Jane’s hair, “are you ready for your first case, Sergeant?”

…

Jane stood next to Maura stifling a yawn as she finished brushing her hair. She’d really brushed it to death, and if she didn’t stop, she was sure frizz was on the horizon, but she was loath to leave the bathroom. There was something about watching Maura get ready that gave her pause. She didn’t know what it was. Maybe those strong, lithe fingers handling brushes with the same dexterity used while handling a scalpel. Or maybe it was the way she pursed her lips and blinked at the mirror. Either way, Jane was absolutely transfixed. When Maura was finally finished, Jane snapped back to reality.

She set the brush on the counter on her side and tried not to think about the length of Maura’s robe and how badly she wanted to kiss her. Maura gave her a knowing look as she walked by. Her smirk dancing at the corner of her lips. Jane shook herself as Maura walked into her closet. It was all Jane could do not to follow her like a lost puppy. She needed to get a hold of herself. “Coffee.” She blurted out loud. “I’m going to get the coffee started.” She could hear Maura's laughter as she left the room.

She couldn’t help her smile as she started messing with the mechanical contraption Maura called a coffee maker. Ever since their first night together, she’d been stuck on Maura’s hook. It wasn’t like her to be so caught up in someone else, yet here she was.

And she was happy.

It wasn’t the first time the thought had crossed her mind, but it still gave her pause. She didn’t think she’d been unhappy before, but there was definitely a difference. She’d found herself smiling more, laughing more – for harder and longer. She wasn’t so anxious – it was like holding back her feelings and refusing to even acknowledge that they’d existed had weighed her down so much and now she was suddenly free of that weight.

The sound of light footsteps alerted her to Maura’s arrival. She turned as she held up Maura’s travel mug and then her own. Before she could say anything, Maura greeted her with a lingering kiss. Jane blinked slowly as Maura pulled away. “Good morning.”

“It certainly is.” Maura smiled, “you forgot something very important upstairs.” Maura quirked an eyebrow as she held up Jane’s gleaming gold badge.

“Yeah, I might need that.” Jane chuckled.

Instead of handing it over, Maura reached for Jane’s belt herself.

Jane gulped. Her eyes zeroed in on Maura’s capable hands and how they easily handled the leather and metal. It shouldn’t have been nearly as much of a turn on as it was.

“There.” Maura pulled on Jane’s belt a little when she was finished. She smirked up at Jane, who was gripping the counter tightly. Maura took her thermos and walked to the door. She looked over her shoulder, “are you coming?”

“God, I wish.” Jane mumbled to herself with a laugh and a shake of her head. She took a deep breath and grabbed her own thermos and walked toward Maura.

…

Jane held the crime scene tape up for Maura to duck under. Frankie looked up from his position by the entrance to the home. “Hey.”

“It looks like a home robbery gone wrong.” He walked them to the body at the back door. “The couple that lives here have security cameras, so the whole thing was caught on tape.” He grimaced looking at the body with a clear gunshot wound to the chest. “Unfortunately, guy picked the wrong house to rob.”

Jane leaned over the body as Maura crouched, “I’ll say.”

While Maura directed the crime scene techs for evidence and did her initial review, Jane stood by while Frankie and his new partner interviewed the couple who lived there. As Jane stood by and listened to them ask their questions – peace settled over her. She would never take any of this for granted again. Stepping away for a little while had turned out to be a good thing, if only to remind her of just exactly what she had.

“Do you want to grab lunch later?” Maura asked as she came to stand next to her as the techs loaded the body into the medical examiner van to be taken to the morgue.

“Yeah, we can try that little café you went to before.”

Frankie scrunched his nose at them.

Maura turned to him, “what?”

“You know, you’re flirting over a dead body, right?”

Jane and Maura looked at each other with a shared smirk and a wink, “when else are we going to do it?”

They both laughed as Frankie rolled his eyes and shook his head while walking to the direction of his car. 

Once the two of them passed through the crime scene tape one more time to get back to the car, the sun was beginning to rise. Jane took a deep breath and closed her eyes letting the moment wash over her. It was good to be back.

Maura reached for her hand, and despite the many officers around them Jane intertwined their fingers and tugged Maura close. They leaned against the side of the car, arms around each other, as they watched the sun rise in front of them. “This is not how I pictured the next chapter starting.” Maura said softly.

Jane grinned and kissed the top of Maura’s head, “maybe that’s the beauty of it.”

THE END