Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“So anyway, that’s why some windows here still have duct tape on them.” The guy in the video was laughing, showing off his perfect white teeth. He looked to be about 20 years old, with sun-tanned skin, hair a ridiculous reddish-brown mop of curls that should've looked stupid but somehow didn't, and intensely blue eyes framed by long lashes.

“Now that you know how to make your windows volcano-ready, we can get to the main part of this video here in beautiful Ecuador!” Obnoxious cheering erupted from the group of guys clustered around the one speaking into the camera. “We’re going to rappel down some waterfalls!”

“Actually,” a low voice from outside the camera frame could be heard once the cheering had subsided, “the correct term is canyoning.”

The only answer was loud groaning and eye-rolling, as if Andrew was witnessing a well-rehearsed ritual among the group.

Andrew had been lying starfished across his bed for the past several hours, socked feet dangling over the edge and blinking slowly at the shadows on his ceiling as they crept over his room. Outside, noon had turned into evening and the light had started to fade. Too lazy to move and not caring about the running commentary, Andrew mostly let the images in the video fly past him, barely paying attention to the storyline. His phone was leaning against the bedside lamp, the noise keeping his thoughts from drifting too far. Autoplay had taken him from TED talks to natural disasters to – apparently – idiots in Ecuador.

He’d been entirely unproductive since he'd come home after grocery shopping for tonight’s New Year's dinner with his brother Aaron and cousin Nicky. When the three of them had started college, they’d made a deal to spend the major holidays together: Andrew would buy the ingredients, Nicky would cook and Aaron would clean up. Years later, it still worked for them. Andrew could leave whenever he wanted, Nicky enjoyed feeding his cousins and Aaron was glad he didn't have to prepare anything in advance.

The group in the video – Andrew counted four guys, with at least one more outside the frame – had arrived in a forest with dense green trees lining the path they were walking on. While the inane chatter continued, his gaze drifted to the dark ceiling of his one-bedroom apartment. Since the start of the semester break, he had mostly stayed home, not willing to trade the warmth of his apartment for the cold wind and snowy streets that waited outside. With only one semester left until graduation and starting law school, Andrew was determined to spend the next couple weeks doing as little as possible.

Taking slow, deep breaths, Andrew let his head drop back to the side, focusing once more on the tiny screen. Curly guy was in the middle of giving a thumbs-up followed by a camera change, showing him from below as he rappelled down through a waterfall.

What an idiot.

Maybe Andrew should go back to the documentary about tribes in the Amazon. Or the TED talk about growing grass in the desert. He’d almost fallen asleep but at least there had been no risk of people falling to their deaths.

In the video, the guys started to move on to the next waterfall. Had surviving one not been exciting enough for these morons?

Groaning, Andrew stretched all the way over to his bedside table to reach his phone. He skipped forward in the video, but it seemed the rest was just more waterfalls and cheering.

The next video loaded and showed the same curly-haired guy – Andrew thought about searching for different content but decided it would be too much work. (The guy was also really hot, so Andrew was willing to give him a second chance.)

Curly guy was again smiling into the camera, blue eyes sparkling with excitement. Andrew recognized the same handful of guys from the first video, all wearing swim wear. Curly was the only one in the group not showing off truly ridiculous amounts of abs. Instead, he was wearing a long-sleeved rash guard in a hideous orange-green combination. If Andrew was disappointed, it was because of the clashing colors. Obviously.

Still, he couldn’t help but stare transfixed as the guy strapped what looked like a GoPro to his wrist and, with no hesitation, ran off a cliff and jumped into water at least 30 feet below.

As if it wasn’t scary. As if Andrew's stomach didn't drop just from watching.

On screen, the guy came back up to the surface, laughing at his cheering friends still standing all the way up on top of the cliff.

What was it with this guy and jumping to his death?

Irritated, Andrew skipped to the next video in his queue, again by curly guy – had he landed in the guy’s playlist? Shaking his head, Andrew thought the app’s algorithm should really know better. He stuck to news channels, political satire and cat videos – because it was funny to watch them break things and not because they were cute. Shut up, Aaron.

And now, apparently, videos by this guy and his obnoxiously tall friends.

This time, curly guy was back in a dense forest, giving a rambling intro to his video. His slightly husky voice, wide smile and messy curls – all extremely annoying attributes, if you asked Andrew – easily recognizable among the group of guys. He was probably explaining where he was, but Andrew could only stare at his light blue eyes as they moved back and forth between the lens and somewhere just over the camera. In this video, they looked almost silver in the bright sunlight, with a dark gray ring encircling the iris.

A change in the camera angle woke Andrew up from his stupor. Usually he wasn't that pathetic. Andrew blamed it on the fact that he hadn't eaten since the chocolate chip pancakes this morning. (They had been okay. Next time, he would have to optimize the batter-to-chocolate chips ratio – it needed more chocolate.)

Blinking several times rapidly, he stretched his arms and legs to fully wake up after barely moving for more than five hours. In the video, the guy was being strapped into a harness and, with a last thumbs-up into a camera held by one of his friends, was off down a zipline, flying over a canopy of massive trees.

Seriously, what was it with this guy and not wanting to be on solid ground?

Fed up with curly guy’s stupidity, Andrew switched to his home screen and saw that it was late enough that he might as well get ready for dinner. After Christmas Eve, this was the second time this month he would spend the evening with Aaron and Nicky. Maybe he could skip January?

Monthly family dinners and bi-weekly coffee dates with Renée, his friend from college, was all the social interaction he was willing to endure.

Rolling off the bed – catching himself at the last second before falling to the floor – Andrew staggered the short distance to the bathroom while shaking life back into his legs. Looking into the bathroom mirror and poking at the bird’s nest on top of his head, he vowed to get a haircut before the new semester took over his life again. Unfortunately, the dark circles under his eyes and milky pallor seemed to be here to stay.

Back in his bedroom-slash-living room, Andrew switched jogging pants for a pair of black jeans and put on a black hoodie, winter jacket, scarf, hat and heavy boots to withstand the cold winter night.

Grabbing his phone, keys and wallet, he told himself that he would be back home in under seven hours. Maybe even in under six.

Chapter Text

“Which is why you should definitely not sit down on the ground the next time you visit a temple in Japan,” Curly said, running a hand through his messy hair as he wrapped up the video, “unless, of course, you want a yelling guard come running at you.”

Andrew scoffed – he doubted the guy was sorry for the raucous he had apparently caused.

With his earbuds firmly in place, Andrew let Curly’s chatter drown out the noise around him as he stared blankly at his laptop screen in front of him. After hiding in his apartment and taking on the lifeform of a blanket burrito for about two weeks after New Year’s, this week he had finally rejoined society and started researching possible topics for his bachelor thesis. Currently, he was sitting in his favorite spot next to the floor-to-ceiling windows in the café just down the street from his apartment. Andrew had tested plenty of study places before finally settling on this quaint little corner café – it was the only place where the staff left him alone. They neither asked about a refill every ten minutes nor did they complain about his methods to defend his table in the quiet corner against other patrons.

After going through tab after tab of law papers until his eyes had started to glaze over, he’d propped his phone up against the outside corner of his laptop and switched from Spotify to YouTube for a short mental recess.

Since New Year’s, there had been more videos from the curly-haired guy in his recommended-for-you list. And if Andrew was honest, he had started to not mind the videos in his queue: The adventures were safe to watch from Andrew’s side of the screen, but still somehow interesting. And with the biting commentary and heart-attack inducing stunts, Andrew was no longer sure if the pretty face was the only reason why he kept watching. He had even deciphered Curly’s actual name from the ever-present cheering from his friends – Neil.

After the first video ended, he let the next one in the playlist load rather than going back to working on his laptop. Andrew could only see curly guy’s – Neil’s – eyes framed by laugh lines and a couple stray curls that had escaped a thick and disgustingly orange winter hat. The rest of his face was covered by a black bandana. Just like everyone else in his group, Neil was in full winter gear, a helmet dangling from his arm while he was holding on to a snowboard, giving his slightly muffled introduction to the video. The group seemed to be in a gondola somewhere in the mountains, nothing but blue sky and white snow surrounding them.

Quickly getting annoyed at the frequent panning of the camera to show the view – including how far off the ground they were – Andrew skipped a couple minutes forward. When he let the video play again, there was fast music playing, highlighting the guys as they were racing down the mostly empty mountain, filming each other doing jumps and using rails for tricks.

Andrew watched the group speed past trees and overtaking other people on the slope at breakneck speed. After trying not to physically flinch at every nerve-wracking maneuver between the guys for about a minute, Andrew skipped the rest of the video entirely.

Taking a deep breath, he switched to WhatsApp to give himself a minute to recover. He quickly responded to Nicky who had asked about watching tonight’s football game together (he agreed under the condition of Nicky making chocolate cake) and to Renée who wanted to try a new café in her neighborhood (apparently they had really good pancakes, so Andrew graciously skipped the customary ordeal of complaining before he agreed).

As soon as he noticed that Nicky had started typing in their chat, he exited the app and switched back to YouTube where he clicked on the next video. According to Nicky, Andrew had recently been replying more often to texts (something Andrew vehemently denied) and, not deterred by Andrew’s protest, now made sure to always text back as fast as possible in the hopes of starting an actual conversation. Obviously, Andrew couldn’t let his cousin win, so he made sure to close WhatsApp whenever Nicky came online.

In the new video, he was surprised to see Neil sitting by himself in what looked to be an apartment instead of some outdoor location with a group of guys standing around the camera. In the background, Andrew could see mostly bare walls, a shelf and a tidy bed with gray sheets. Neil was waving into the camera, amusement dancing in his eyes as he talked about getting a new GoPro after he had lost his old one during a snorkeling trip in Vietnam.

Andrew wasn’t sure how he felt about knowing Neil’s content well enough to not only understand vague references between videos, but also remembering the snorkeling video he was talking about.

Listening to Neil’s softer, less animated voice, Andrew wondered about the subdued vibe. He’d somehow thought Neil was one of those annoying people that were always excited about everything. Like Nicky.

“For now, I’ll just relax and stay in the city. Matt is flying to Uruguay tomorrow, but I decided to skip this one to give my leg some rest after Paris.”

Watching Neil in what Andrew assumed to be his home, he had given up any pretense of doing research on his laptop and had shifted all his attention to his phone, the café and other people around him long forgotten.

“Hopefully I’ll be good as new in no time. Until then, I’m afraid I also won’t attend the YouTuber convention in LA in two weeks.”

Andrew raised his eyebrows at Neil’s round eyes and doe-like look – a terrible attempt at looking genuinely sorry. If anything, he seemed relieved. He wondered if some people actually bought the act.

It made Andrew wonder why this guy didn’t want to meet other YouTubers and fans – he had always seemed like the social type. Then again, until five minutes ago Andrew also thought Neil was too much of an adrenaline junkie to sit still for even 30 seconds at a time.

Annoyed with his pointless thoughts about a stranger, Andrew turned off the video and started packing up his laptop and charger to go home. What did he care about some guy on YouTube? He could fall, jump, or snowboard to his death for all Andrew cared.

Chapter Text

“And apparently, they put microphones in the taxis so they can listen to what the drivers are doing. And when they’re inactive for too long, they get a warning. Can you believe that? Anyway, that’s when we got to the airport but yeah, that’s what the taxi driver told me. Creepy, right?”

Andrew’s lips twitched at Neil’s incredulous voice. It had been three weeks since Neil had decided to lay low and get some rest. During that time, Andrew had somehow managed to catch up on most of Neil’s videos – including the one where he fell, bruised his thigh and sprained his ankle while skateboarding in snowy Paris.

Because that’s what Neil did for a living: He traveled. And filmed himself doing stupid things, posted vlogs a couple times a week in between trips, and rambled about whatever useless information he got out of the people he pestered everywhere he went.

After spending the entire afternoon writing on his thesis proposal and still hating every terrible paragraph of it, Andrew was back home and doing his laundry while Neil’s voice washed over him. Tired of checking YouTube for new content, he had subscribed to Neil’s channel two weeks ago. And turned on the notifications two days later. Purely for convenience, of course. Shut up, Renée.

At this point, listening to Neil had become part of his daily routine and, no, Andrew would not think about it. He had decided to stay in blissful denial until he would surely get bored in a couple weeks and could go back to satire and cat videos.

Going through the monotonous movements of folding his shirts and pants on his bed, Andrew did his best to not think about the rough day he’d had. He doubted anyone would blame him for wanting to shut off his mind for a while without thinking about potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Last night had been full of nightmares, making getting out of bed in the morning extra difficult. Next, he’d spent the entire morning rereading the same paragraphs for his thesis research without comprehending a single word and thus making zero progress.

And when he went to do some mind-numbing weightlifting at his gym, this one guy that is usually obsessed with running for his life on the tread mill with no shirt on, had once more talked at him for a good half hour about some new protein shake he discovered on the internet. The guy was getting bolder – usually a simple look from Andrew would shut him up whenever he tried commenting on Andrew’s no-cardio gym routine.

He wasn’t sure when he had stopped walking away as soon as the guy started talking, forcing him into social interactions he most definitely did not want to be part of. Not even the guy’s abs could make listening to his droning commentary about dietary supplements worth it. Renée thought he might’ve developed an interest for other people’s thoughts and opinions. Andrew was sure he’d merely been desensitized to inane rambling. Except, Neil’s stories somehow tended to be funny and insightful.

How else would Andrew have learned that bungee jumping originated from New Zealand? Not that he cared about bungee jumping. In fact, that had been a terrible video, in Andrew’s completely unbiased opinion, and he may or may not have left a comment, telling Neil to take his cold openings and go die.

A quick glance from the slowly growing pile of clean clothes to his phone showed Neil walking down a street, wearing a thick jacket with a fake-fur-lined hood and a bright orange scarf that clashed horribly with his hair color. He was weaving around people, constantly switching between looking at the camera and where he was going. Taking a left, Neil walked into a building, still going on about his problems at the check-in counter.

Andrew quickly went over to his wardrobe to put his folded laundry away. By the time he’d returned, Neil was back on the street, now with a coffee cup in his hand, held mostly out of the camera frame so as not to show the logo.  Andrew was sure Neil always went to Starbucks to fulfill the hipster YouTuber stereotype and just didn’t want to admit it.

As was common for Neil when walking in public, he held his camera very close, making it difficult to see anything besides his face – not that Andrew minded. Apparently, Neil had once hit a person in the face with his camera while walking, and he was trying to avoid a repeat of the incident (Andrew had yet to find that particular video).

“I wonder what he thinks about. And what he is working on today. Must be serious stuff with how laser focused he looks at his laptop,” Neil paused, as if trying to remember what he’d talked about before getting his coffee, “anyway, during the flight – sorry, I kinda confused myself for a moment.” Shrugging awkwardly in his massive winter jacket, his infuriating smile back in place, Neil continued with his initial story.

And there it was, Andrew thought. The daily mention of the author Neil had spotted at his Starbucks a couple weeks ago. Neil had dubbed him ‘Angry Writer’.

Because that’s what Neil did: giving the people in his videos weird aliases to keep their identities anonymous. So far, the only exceptions Andrew knew of were other YouTubers that appeared in Neil’s videos.

Aside from Angry Writer, there was Drunk Aunt, Pretzel Bro, Ice-cream Man, and more. Listening to Neil’s stories sometimes felt as if they were existing in different worlds – Neil in one with adventures and interesting people and an endless list of random facts; and Andrew in a small bubble that barely fit his family and his one friend.

Furrowing his brows, Andrew wondered when he’d started to think of his life as small.

In the video, Neil was describing the terrible movie selection on his flight from Europe while nearing his gym. The fact that Andrew knew this guy’s daily route was highly irritating. His therapist Bee had said it was good for Andrew to be interested in other people’s approach to life – sometimes Andrew wondered what Bee put in her hot chocolate to come up with these thoughts.

Andrew left his phone propped up against the bedside lamp to grab a glass of water from the kitchen counter. By the time he was settled on his bed, ready to watch a movie on his laptop before calling it a night, Neil was wrapping up today’s vlog.

“In conclusion, she said the book is okay but, to be honest, she sounded like she was just trying to be nice. But anyway, there you go, that’s her review of the book, since so many of you had asked about it. Also, Book Girl says hi, so, hi!” Neil laughed awkwardly into the camera and Andrew only belatedly noticed that he had started to smile back at his phone.

Grimacing, Andrew wondered what it was about this guy that had him so hooked. Done with his own stupidity, he turned his phone off and did not think about Neil’s soft voice when he talked about being easily overwhelmed by crowds. Or his quiet giggle when bickering with his friends. Or his bright eyes that seemed to look right through the camera at Andrew.

Nope, he was not thinking about any of that.

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“Okay, this may sound weird, but I swear it wasn't,” Neil paused shortly before continuing sheepishly, “well, at least it didn’t seem weird in the moment.”

Andrew’s lips twitched at Neil's ridiculousness. He wondered what stupid thing the idiot had done now. He hoped it was another one of Neil’s encounters where he missed a social cue, turning it into an entertaining prelude before ultimately ranting about society’s shortcomings.

Andrew was lying on his bed, eyes closed, listening to Neil’s low voice as he was trying to come down after a stressful day. The last couple weeks had been crazy, his thesis completely taking over his life at this point. He had finally found an adviser to oversee his thesis, but the guy was an absolute ass expecting way too much progress in not enough time. Unfortunately, he had been the only one willing to accept his proposed topic about resocialization methods for youth offenders. So, Andrew had no choice but to go along with the guy’s ridiculous demands. And after reading research papers day and night and trying to line up interviews with self-proclaimed experts in between for the past two weeks, Andrew felt completely drained.

Maybe he should take a break and come back to his thesis after a couple days. Nicky had been asking to hang out more often and, although he was not ready to admit it out loud, Andrew didn’t mind the idea of spending more time with him and his overly friendly boyfriend Erik. Or with Aaron – even though lately his astoundingly boring girlfriend Katelyn tended to tag along. (She was actually okay, she even left him alone for the most part when they happened to be at the corner café at the same time.)

With all the stress, he hadn’t even been able to keep up with Neil’s videos – or any other content. Because Neil was not the only content he regularly watched, ok? Shut up, Renée.

“So, you know how I always get a coffee on my way to the gym.”

At this point, Andrew was as familiar with Neil’s daily routine as he was with his own. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could pretend that wasn’t a problem.

“Today, I walked into the coffee shop and usually Angry Writer sits next to the wall typing away on his laptop, right? But today, he wasn’t there, and for a moment I was a bit worried.”

Andrew rolled his eyes at that. Of course, this had to be about the weird guy Neil was obsessed with.

A couple weeks ago, Neil had spent more than five minutes during an Instagram Live – Andrew had found Neil’s Instagram purely by accident, obviously – speculating about the guy’s book genre and whether Neil had ever read any of his books. Andrew had zoned out after about 30 seconds and merely listened to the cadence of Neil’s quiet voice while trying to ignore the actual content.

Based on Neil’s description of a ‘quiet guy’ that was ‘a bit older than him’ with ‘windblown hair’ who seemed to be ‘passionate’ about whatever shit story he was cooking up – Andrew might be paraphrasing a little – he was pretty sure the guy was some old dude sitting in one of those pretentious lounge chairs at Starbucks, hunched over a super old laptop, typing with two fingers, tops. Maybe the guy even dressed in tweed jackets with elbow patches, like the cliché he was obviously trying to embody – Andrew knew plenty of those wannabes from university.

He was probably also really bad at writing, with storylines where everybody could tell from the get-go who the bad guy was. Maybe with some heteronormative misogynistic romance thrown in there somewhere.

What an ass.

“But!” – Neil’s excited voice drew Andrew’s attention back to the video – “He was just standing in line to get a new coffee!

“So, I was kind of behind him in the line – and no, I did not talk to him, everybody calm down, he had earbuds in.” Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil’s weak attempt at sounding nonchalant. “But when we waited for our coffees, I got to stand really close and guys. Guys. He smells SO good. I’ve literally never paid attention to how people smell, but guys.”

So, creepy dude smelled good. Or, more likely, Neil liked the smell of old people.

Andrew took a deep breath, reminding himself that he didn’t care.

He hadn’t cared when he’d first thought that Neil was dating his YouTuber friend Matt, based on how Matt would always hang off of Neil in every possible situation in their videos. That had lasted until he’d seen Matt’s girlfriend destroy him in a gym video a couple months ago.

Next, he hadn’t cared when he’d thought that Neil was dating Kevin – a guy who always stayed outside the camera frame to avoid a repeat of what had apparently been an early childhood stardom. This had lasted until Kevin’s girlfriend had fixed his drone after Neil broke it in what was probably Andrew’s favorite video – Kevin’s outrage off camera while Neil was laughing for ten minutes straight, was comedy gold and Andrew might have even given it a thumbs-up.

After that, Andrew hadn’t cared that there might be something going on between Neil and the woman he insisted on calling ‘Book Girl’.

Finally, that had lasted until Andrew, together with all of Neil’s friends and followers, slowly realized that Neil had a thing for this Angry Writer guy.

At this point, the name alone had Andrew counting to ten. He couldn’t fathom how some creepy dude in a tweed jacket had managed to catch Neil’s eye. Then again, he shouldn’t be surprised that someone who thought orange was a good color on them had terrible taste in men.

Not in the mood to listen to more ramblings about this guy, Andrew tapped on the notification at the top of his screen to switch to today’s vlog instead. He skipped the intro and closed his eyes, hoping to be distracted by some mind-numbing random stories.

“And when he got injured – like I had told him would happen – he looked so pathetic that I didn’t even have the heart to gloat about it. But yeah, that was Matt’s pathetic attempt at playing soccer in Brazil. Never believe him when he tells you he’s good at sports. He is the clumsiest oaf I know.”

Andrew could hear a door being opened and voices erupted from his phone speaker, indicating Neil had arrived at his daily coffee stop.

“I think today I’m going to get some whipped cream. Angry Writer has a massive amount topping his drink, as always.”

Andrew could hear the smile in Neil’s voice. For a moment he was tempted to look at the screen but decided it would take too much effort to move.

“Doesn’t seem to be a good day for him. He’s pulling at his hair – not a good sign, guys. It also gives him a slightly crazy look, like a confused professor. Still cute, though.”

Again, even without looking, Andrew knew Neil had just attempted to wink at the camera. He always ended up closing both eyes.

Andrew hated it.

“Oh, before I forget it again. Some of you have been asking for a photo of Angry Writer,” Neil said, irritation lacing his voice. “Taking photos of people without their knowledge and putting them on the internet? Not cool. Also, he doesn't even know I exist – sad but unfortunately true. I doubt he would appreciate it if some stranger just went about and took sneaky pics of him.”

Neil seemed genuinely upset at the thought. While Andrew agreed with him on not taking photos without consent, he had to admit that he was curious about this dude. He was probably ugly, and Neil just didn’t want people making fun of him.

“He’s also super jacked. And, I mean, while I wouldn’t mind getting to know him, I don’t want the first conversation to include him punching me in the face for violating his privacy.”

Okay, maybe Andrew had to slightly adjust the image he had in mind. But honestly, jacked? Andrew scoffed at the thought of some old guy trying to keep up with the others at the gym. What a loser.

Andrew slowly rolled over until he was sitting upright, raising his arms over his head, stretching and trying to ease the tension from his shoulders.

“At least Book Girl seems to be in a good mood. Or maybe the book is just really good. Can’t see the title though.”

Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil’s insistence on his lame superhero names. While Neil was back on the street, wrapping up the video by talking about his plans for the weekend – he would be in Germany for something or other – Andrew finally managed to get up.

He had promised Nicky that they would have dinner together tonight at his place now that Erik had finally moved in.

Looking into the bathroom mirror, Andrew let out a deep sigh. His hair was all over the place. Had he been walking around like this all day?

Chapter Text

“Foxynoxy14 is asking ‘How is Angry Writer doing?’” Neil was biting his lower lip, looking out over the neighborhood from the balcony of his apartment while holding the phone in front of him. With the weather getting warmer, he had been doing more of his Instagram lives from this spot – even Andrew had to agree that the view was okay during sunset. “So. Maybe you noticed, I haven't really talked about him over the last couple days.”

Andrew rolled his eyes at that. In fact, he had noticed. And hadn't minded one bit.

He was standing at his kitchen counter, eating left-over pasta for dinner and washing it down with the chocolate protein shake the guy at the gym had recommended. It actually wasn’t half-bad, so it was more out of principle that he continued to disagree with everything the guy said – riling him up had become a weekly highlight in Andrew’s life.

“Mostly because Matt has been making fun of me for my 'crush’.” Even without looking at the screen, Andrew knew Neil had just attempted one-handed air quotes, probably again nearly dropping his phone if the slight intake of breath was any indication. “Anyway, there also haven't really been any updates. Well. Until today. Because guys. Friends. Listen.

“Angry Writer has the most, like,” struggling to find the right words, Neil ran his free hand repeatedly through his hair, making the mess of curls stick up in all directions, “best eyes–”

Best eyes? Really? Andrew scoffed. Neil usually was much more eloquent in his spontaneous rants.

“–I have ever seen. They're so warm. You know that thing when you see sun rays in the air? It was like standing on a field in the middle of nowhere – like the fields back home in England where I grew up – on a really warm day in June or July?

“It was like that, like being surrounded by the light of a hazy summer morning, when the sun is just crawling over the horizon, with golden rays breaking through the trees and painting the world in this perfect harmony of the warmest colors the world has ever seen.”

Andrew stared at the screen.

He would bet his left arm that creepy dude had beady little eyes that stalked his prey as it walked through that stupid Starbucks.

Neil was flicking his eyes from the lens to the view beyond the camera and back, a blush creeping over his cheeks. Andrew could totally see creepy dude thinking Neil was an easy target.

“Anyway. He was walking past me to his seat, focused on his coffee in order to not spill any of the massive amount of whipped cream, being super careful not to bump into anyone – he always seems so careful and just, considerate? Anyway. Basically, I died right then and there. This is my ghost talking to you. It was nice while it lasted. And honestly, if Matt wants to make fun of me for that – whatever. I had to listen to him barely being able to string two words together after he’d seen Dan in the gym for the first time.”

Annoyed, Andrew closed Instagram and instead clicked on the first video that popped up on YouTube. After the day he’d had – including a frustrating trip to his asshole adviser – he was not in the mood to listen to Neil waxing poetry about something as average as brown eyes. At least he assumed that’s the color he was trying to describe.

Andrew had brown eyes. Where were the poems written about him? Not that he wanted someone to ramble stupid things about his eyes. Obviously.

“Guys! I hope you’re ready for some excitement because today we’re going to helicopter onto an actual—"

“Helicopter is a noun, you can’t just use it as a verb.”

“— shut up, Kevin. As I was saying, we’re going to helicopter onto on actual glacier!” Neil was beaming into the camera, the smile only growing wider at the groan in the background, clearly enjoying riling up Kevin.

Neil and the usual group of friends were walking along a path lined with shrubbery, all dressed up in the same blue outfit consisting of a jacket, pants and heavy boots.

“Kevin even brought his drone – and yes, I promise I will not touch it.” Holding up his free hand was probably supposed to placate Kevin.

“You better!”

Andrew rolled his eyes, lips twitching at Kevin’s familiar antics.

“So, we should get some really cool shots from way up for a really nice view!”

And those were the magic words that meant an immediate skip. Andrew was not going to watch some crazy helicopter-slash-drone video. Thank you very much.

Tapping his phone screen, Andrew started another one of Neil’s travel videos as he walked over to his wardrobe to change into his favorite black skinny jeans, boots and a long-sleeved shirt. When he came back to the kitchen counter where his phone was propped-up against the wall, Neil was mid-sentence.

“So, you know, you have to make sure to step outside your comfort zone once in a while because otherwise it’ll get smaller and smaller and soon the entire world becomes a challenge.”

Collecting his wallet and keys, Andrew scoffed at Neil’s fake wisdom. Still, it made him think about how he had met Renée already twice this week for coffee. And stopped by the clothing store where Nicky worked part-time, listening to his cousin’s excited chatter for almost an hour. And how he was meeting up with his brother for a beer tonight. The third time this month.

Maybe Neil was right. It was okay to step outside your comfort zone once in a while.

Loud cheering had Andrew looking back at his phone. On the screen someone had just opened a door to what seemed like the side of a tiny airplane, nothing but clouds and blue sky visible beyond. With a bright smile and a last thumbs-up at Andrew, Neil jumped out of the airplane.

Chapter Text

“I told Patterned Shirt Guy that I’d rather have jeans that don’t have any rips yet. He seemed really upset about that.”

Neil was laughing at the memory of the salesclerk trying to give him fashion advice. Andrew almost felt bad for whoever attempted to make Neil wear something that didn’t look completely hideous. He had seen enough of Neil’s oversized white shirts, old sneakers and formless sun-bleached jeans to know that Neil’s wardrobe was a challenge.

Andrew was back in his favorite spot in the corner café, his leather jacket slung over the back of his chair so he could enjoy the warmth coming in through the open door. For the past two hours, he had been busy staring blankly at his laptop screen, managing to type a total of 5 words, one of which was underlined by the program and Andrew couldn’t figure out why.

He had taken a couple days off from writing on his thesis to get back into a somewhat normal sleep rhythm. After an extra session with Bee, an afternoon of gossiping with Renée, and two nights spent fifth-wheeling Aaron, Katelyn, Nicky and Erik, he was ready to tackle the last couple chapters in his thesis.

Last night, by the time he’d finally made it back to his apartment, he had been too tired to watch Neil’s new vlog. He couldn’t even remember going to bed after getting home. So now, while staring at the blank page where the conclusion to his thesis should be, he let Neil’s latest vlog wash over him.

“Angry Writer’s again not here. Hope he’s alright. Pretzel Bro is just outside, so Writer is missing out on some delicious pretzels. And yes, I know carbs aren’t good for a ‘balanced diet.’” Andrew could practically hear the air quotes.

“I’m sure Angry Writer doesn’t count carbs. He seems like someone you can have a normal dinner with without getting any comments. And just to make sure there are no misunderstandings – yes, Kevin, I am 100% talking about you.”

Andrew let his gaze wander around the little café and to the sidewalk outside. Listening to Neil made Andrew think about how Nicky and Erik had moved in together two months ago, and how Aaron was already planning on living with Katelyn when they would start med school this fall.

It made him wonder why he was still following Neil’s content. One would think, being the fifth wheel to his family would be enough, so why did he keep on third wheeling this weird obsession a random YouTuber had on some beady-eyed, tweed-wearing creep.

Watching a couple pass the café, holding hands while talking animatedly with each other, Andrew wondered when he had started to want to be more than a bystander to other people’s lives. He didn't like the slight tightening in his chest at that thought.

Reaching for his cup – as always topped with a nice amount of whipped cream – Andrew saw a guy walk past his window with a mop of reddish-brown curls that should’ve looked stupid but somehow didn’t. A guy with curls that glinted in the sunlight in a way that would never be visible on a screen. A guy talking into a small camera held in his left hand, close to his face.

Frozen with his cup halfway to his mouth, Andrew watched the curly-haired guy – Neil? – walk into his café and get into line. All while his Neil was still rambling about the carb count in pretzels in his ears. His heart going into overdrive, Andrew watched real-life Neil stuffing the camera into the pocket of his oversized jeans jacket, ignoring everyone around him.

While Andrew was trying to make sense of what was happening – slack-jawed and eyes wide open with shock – Neil turned slightly and looked straight at Andrew as if knowing exactly where he would sit.

As fast as possible, Andrew’s eyes snapped to his laptop. Still, he had the sinking feeling that Neil had seen him staring. Slowly putting down his coffee and shutting his phone off – interrupting Neil mid-sentence – Andrew wondered if Neil often met people that recognized him. And why had Andrew not known that they lived in the same city? Mentally going through everything he knew about Neil, he couldn’t remember ever hearing a city being mentioned.

A couple minutes later, while he was still getting his heartbeat under control, he noticed someone walking up to his table. Trying to look busy and engrossed in his work, Andrew stared straight ahead at the five pathetic words on his laptop screen, willing his fingers to type something – anything – as he heard the person clearing their throat. Slowly pulling out his earbuds, Andrew looked up into the face he’d spent the last five months watching through the screen of his phone.

“Hi, I’m Neil.”

Not responding with ‘I know’ might’ve been Andrew’s most impressive achievement in life.

Neil was chewing on his lip, blue eyes full of hesitation. “This will probably sound weird, but I’ve seen you here a couple times and, uhm, kind of wanted to come over. But you’ve always looked super focused on your work, so I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Neil had noticed him before? When?

“So, since you seemed to not be completely in the zone yet” – Neil was fumbling with his cup, laughing awkwardly – “I thought, uhm, maybe now is my chance?”

Neil’s smile was even nicer in real life. And his eyes were an intense light blue, the dark ring around his iris even more noticeable without a screen between them. Andrew was sure he’d never seen a blue like this before in his life.

Neil started to look around, humming lowly and bouncing slightly on his feet. “Uhm, so, I was wondering if I could join you for a coffee, maybe? If that sounds good? Unless you’re super busy, of course. Like, you can definitely say no.”

“You want to join me for coffee?”

At that, a soft, radiant smile lit up Neil’s entire face, the bouncing ceased. Right. He had probably waited for Andrew to stop being weird and say something.

“Yeah, definitely. So, yes or no?”

The question felt as if someone had just opened the door on the side of an airplane, hooked him up on a zipline and pushed him off a cliff.

Taking a deep breath, there was only one word on Andrew’s mind.

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

“I told him that if I want to have pizza tonight after we had pizza just two days ago, then he’ll just have to deal with it and further comments about my diet are not welcome.”

Loosening his tie in the sweltering August heat, Andrew was on his way home from his internship at one of the law firms in the city. He let Neil’s voice drown out the outside world as he got on the bus and looked for a seat. Even three months after Neil had walked up to him in the middle of the little café, Neil’s voice had a calming effect on Andrew whenever he had a rough day.

He wondered if that would ever change.

“So, anyway, I also got enough ice-cream to last for a week, or you know, tonight.” Andrew could hear the smile in Neil’s voice. “I’m on my way home now. See you later, Drew.”

A ping signaled the end of Neil’s audio messages. Andrew sent him a quick ‘see you in a bit’ so Neil would know he was on his way home.

Where he would spend the evening with Aaron and his fiancée and Nicky and his soon-to-be fiancé (Andrew had helped Erik pick the ring).

And with Neil, his boyfriend.