Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You will not believe what I’ve just been sent,” Dabi exclaims, stepping into their room.

Hawks doesn’t bother looking up from his laptop and only hums in acknowledgement. He’s too busy watching videos of parrots. Turns out the bare minimum he puts into his answer is enough for Dabi to continue.

“Look, an invitation,” he says, plopping down onto Hawks’ bed and completely ignoring any boundaries, drags himself up towards him. He shoves the piece of neat paper into Hawks’ face and gets a groan in return.

Hawks takes the letter from him and squints his eyes at its content.

As he’s reading the words presented before him, he can feel Dabi’s expectant gaze burning a hole in the side of his face. It’s a block of text, pretentious and too long, given how everything could have been summed up in one sentence. Just by the looks of it, Hawks is sure that the invitation to a luxurious resort for a family vacation definitely wasn’t typed out by the person who’s signed it.

Hawks tilts his head to the side and sceptically eyes Dabi.

“Why couldn’t he have just texted you all?” He gives the letter back to Dabi and watches him rumple the paper in his hands.

“Because he’s never learnt how you should act with your family?” Dabi offers, his tone bored. He falls on the pillow next to Hawks’ shoulder, his black hair spreading around his head like a halo.

He makes a small ball out of the letter and starts throwing it in the air. Hawks follows his movements with his eyes for a few seconds, hypnotised.

A

He shakes himself out of it and lets his gaze go back to the screen of his laptop.

“I take you’re not going?” he asks, about to un-pause the video he’s been occupied with.

Hawks feels Dabi briefly glance at him before he mutters, “And pass the occasion to annoy him? Of course, I’m going.”

Hawks’ finger stutters on the touchpad. “You hate him and haven’t talked with him for about a year now,” he says.

He dreads the inevitable come back of Enji Todoroki in Dabi’s life. Whenever it happens, it’s like a mere mention of him starts poisoning Dabi and results in even more scars. It always brings something ugly out of Dabi. Hawks hates watching him like that.

It’s been relatively peaceful, though. Up until now.

“But he’s reaching out now, isn’t he?” Dabi says mockingly. “He wants to see me,” he sing-songs, letting out a humourless snort. “Besides, there’s nothing more entertaining than seeing him clumsily pretend to be a father. Natsuo, Fuyumi and Shouto will come, too.”

Hawks sighs, ignoring the unease settling between his ribs. It’s not like he can do anything about it once Dabi has set his mind to it.

“Well, you do you. I’m glad I won’t be there to see this disaster.”

No, he will only be there to deal with the aftermath. Help Dabi piece himself back together once again.

“Actually,” Dabi draws out and there’s something in his tone that’s just screaming trouble.

Hawks’ eyes snap back to Dabi’s face and he finds him already looking back.

“Yes?” Hawks asks, nudging his leg. He already knows he won’t like the sound of whatever will come out of Dabi’s mouth.

“I need a way to irritate my father so he will know inviting me was a mistake,” he says as a matter of fact. Right. His entire existence is at this point just out of spite.

“I’m not sure I’m following? You don’t need me for that,” Hawks replies.

Dabi pulls himself up so he’s sitting next to Hawks as he speaks again, “And here’s where you’re completely wrong.” Dabi reaches his hand and ruffles Hawks’ hair. “Come with me and act as my boyfriend.”

There’s a loud ringing in Hawks’ ears and he blinks a couple of times, not sure he’s heard Dabi right. He swats his hand away with a huff.

“What.”

“Pretend to date me in front of my father,” Dabi says, his voice laced with determination.

Something clicks in Hawks’ mind and he asks, “Are you out of your mind?”

Dabi sends his way a self-deprecating grin. “A bit too late for that, isn’t it?”

Hawks watches him for a long moment. “You’re serious,” he states. Dabi nods, raising one of his eyebrows. Hawks pushes his laptop aside and shifts around so he’s fully facing him. “Explain.”

“It’s simple.” Dabi shrugs. “My father has never liked that we were friends. Or that I’m gay. Imagine his reaction to us being together.” There’s mirth in his eyes and Hawks can feel his own expression softening the more he looks at him.

He shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I’m sure he’d be just as, if not more, angry if you brought, I don’t know, Shigaraki? After all, he’s got a criminal record.”

Dabi bites down on his bottom lip and Hawks definitely does not watch as his lip piercings disappear for a brief second. He snaps his gaze back to Dabi’s eyes.

“True, but he’s got something you don’t have.”

Many things are crossing through Hawks’ mind and he can’t pinpoint which one exactly would be the correct one. Ashy skin? A hand obsession? A massive game collection?

He waves his hand dismissively. “Do enlighten me.”

Dabi’s entire face lights up when he whispers, “Status.”

“I don’t think that matters a lot when you attempted to rob a bank.”

“It does matter because Shigaraki’s status and money are what let him get away with it. My father would respect him and his father. Especially his father. Since they’re both assholes. You, on the other hand, are a nobody to him.” Dabi puts his left arm around Hawks’ shoulders and pulls him close against his side while the right one outstretches before them. “Me, a rich gentleman, throws everything away for you, an orphan with no cash. Poetic, beautiful and something my father would like to kill me for.” Dabi chuckles bitterly under his nose and something heavy sinks deep in Hawks’ stomach.

Enji Todoroki wouldn’t need that much to try killing his son, Hawks thinks bitterly, as the echoes of the past haunt them even today. No matter how the man claims to have changed, Hawks will never think Dabi could be safe near him.

“A gentleman?”

Dabi looks at him, a bit sheepish and his arm falls down. His hold on Hawks goes limp. “Also, you’re the only one I’d feel comfortable doing this with,” he says, this time quietly, his voice softer than before.

And maybe that, right here, is the reason behind Hawks’ next words.

“Fine, I’ll do that,” Hawks says, defeated. Dabi punches the air, like the kid he is, but before the joy completely overtakes him, Hawks clears his throat. “You will be on the trash duty during the winter, though,” he adds, not taking no for an answer.

Dabi considers him for a moment and then sighs. “Deal.”

***

Hawks recalls the whole thing to Rumi over a coffee. He’s glad she’s wearing sunglasses so he can’t see the apparent disappointment he knows is in her eyes as he wraps the story up.

“I can’t believe I got myself into this,” he whines, hiding his face in his palms.

He’s fully aware that whatever he’s agreed to will have consequences. The way Rumi isn’t saying anything means she knows that he knows. That she’s picking her words carefully so he won’t feel even more pitiful than he already does–

“You are a fucking idiot,” she says, reaching out for her iced latte.

Okay, so maybe she’s not as understanding as Hawks hoped.

He groans and looks down at his fists curled up on his lap.

“What was I supposed to do?” he asks, ignoring the way the sun is hitting his face. The weather is so humid it’s hard to breathe and Hawks’ tank top is sticking unpleasantly to his skin. He thinks he may melt very soon.

“Say no? Duh,” Rumi replies as though it was the most obvious thing.

“But he’s right. It will anger his father,” Hawks says weakly, trying to convince himself more than her.

“And get your heart broken. Cheers,” she states and Hawks sees out of the corner of his eye how she rises her cup in a mock toast before taking a sip.

“I will know it’s not real.”

“Kiddo,” Rumi starts, gentler this time and Hawks huffs. She isn’t that much older than him, but she still acts like his mother sometimes. He’s so deep in his head he doesn’t even notice her fingers tipping his chin up before he’s forced to look at her face again. “You’ve known it’s one-sided for years and it hasn’t stopped you. Do you really think acting all lovey-dovey with him won’t mess you up?”

Hawks gulps when Rumi pulls her hand away. “Somehow, I’ve managed to be best friends with him without problems. And I’m not that stupid. I’ll be fine,” he promises, hoping he doesn’t look as anxious as he feels.

“Have you thought what this whole thing will entail?”

Hawks spent the entirety of last night thinking about it so yes in short, “I have.”

“You will kiss and touch, and oh, God, I’ve seen too many movies to know it’ll end up in disaster.” Rumi deflates against her chair.

Hawks can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks and he leans towards his coffee to take a few refreshing sips. Rumi keeps watching him up until he straightens his back.

She lets out a cackle so startling, Hawks flinches in his seat before looking over her quizzically.

“What?”

“You sly dog,” she says, shaking her head. “You want to see how it’ll be, don’t you?” She punches Hawks teasingly in the shoulder.

Hawks glances over the place, hoping this little display hasn’t drawn much attention and then makes his way back to Rumi. “I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about,” he deadpans. She laughs again which makes him clamp his mouth shut.

“Yeah, because kissing Dabi is such a horrifying idea for you. Or holding his hand. You will hate it. So. Fucking. Much.” She punctuates each word with a jab of her finger right into Hawks’ sternum.

He huffs, swatting her hand away. “Can we go back to when you cared about my broken heart?” he offers in a high-pitched voice. “I’m already messed up over the fact I’ll have to pretend I don’t like it as much as I’ll probably do.”

“Oh, but you digging your own grave is much more amusing to me,” she replies with a devilish grin pulling at the corners of her lips and Hawks looks away from her, his cheeks burning.

“I fucking hate that. And you for saying that,” he mutters, letting his head fall on the table. His cheek collides with its cool surface and he could almost die from the relief it offers. “I didn’t agree to this to take advantage of him,” he mumbles and feels himself pouting.

The idea of using this situation as an opportunity to check things out, how it’d be if he had an actual chance with Dabi, hasn’t occurred to Hawks before. Not until Rumi mentioned it. Now, however, as his mind keeps coming back to this particular train of thought, he can’t help but wonder. And it’s making him feel horrible.

“He will be taking advantage of you,” Rumi reminds him, reaching her hand out to card her fingers through Hawks’ hair.

“But not in this way. And I don’t want to do… it. It would be a bit pathetic, even for me.” He glances at her, hoping she will believe him.

“Yeah, I know. I just,” she shrugs, “want you to have at least a bit of fun with it? Don’t overthink every single gesture. It’s really stupid of you. To go along with his ridiculous idea, but be chill. It’s only a couple of days.”

A couple of days when Hawks will have to showcase his feelings to Dabi’s family, but not make it too obvious so Dabi won’t catch up on that.

Why would this be hard?

***

Facts stand as clear as a day; the sun rises in the east and Hawks is in love with Dabi. It’s been long since he admitted it to himself and had multiple breaking points over this realisation. He’s come to accept it the way one accepts that it’s going to rain. He’s learnt how to live with the longing and dull heartache following his every step. Slightly melodramatic, sure, but Hawks is a literature student. He ought to complain about his sorrows in ways that tend to be pretentious and too much.

Putting it simply, though, it’s a pain in the ass that gets worse every time Dabi as much as looks at him longer and Hawks is yet again reminded it’s never bound to happen.

He can’t bring himself to let go. He tried. In the arms of other people, in the hobbies he picked up to occupy his mind and in the plants he left to die because he couldn’t remember to water them.

It’s not the fluttery feeling like at the beginning. At first, there were butterflies, hopes, but over the years his one-sided love has grown stale. It’s just there. His heart rarely picks its speed up now, even if Dabi’s touches linger or he jokingly flirts with Hawks. He knows it doesn’t mean anything. Still, there’s a desperate part of him that keeps clinging onto the feeling. Maybe it’s because he’s scared of new things and he’s gotten so used to loving Dabi in private, he can’t imagine himself seeing someone else this way. Scratch this. He doesn’t want to see anyone else this way because loving Dabi feels safe. And easy, God, it’s almost as easy as breathing.

There’s another thing that only solidifies this state of things. They’ve always been by each other’s sides and as painful as these unrequited feelings are, Hawks knows it’s for the person who won’t fuck him over.

Neither he nor Dabi would have made it to this point without one another. That’s another thing they are both aware of. One could say they are too co-dependent on each other, that it could be unhealthy in the long run. It’s not true, though. They protect each other because that’s what best friends do. It’s not their fault other people have wronged them along the way.

Hawks doesn’t remember how old they were when they first met or how exactly they ended up being close. He only knows that Dabi’s hair was violently red, his smiles genuine and his name different from the one he uses now. It’s not to say everything was well. Hawks understood something was wrong pretty early on. The first time he had noticed bruises on Dabi’s body, his heart sank. But they were kids and he couldn’t do anything about it. Only observe.

It went on for years, this observing. Along with Dabi growing hateful, bitter and his injuries more apparent. Hawks could only watch his best friend losing himself, becoming somebody else. Someone who would flinch at any sudden movement, curse the world and lash out more often than not.

Had it been another person, they would have probably got scared and left. But the thought hasn’t appeared in Hawks’ mind even once. Not when he stopped recognising Dabi or when Dabi made friends with the bad sort of people and started getting in trouble more often than not. Because no matter how deep those changes ran, Dabi was still Hawks’ best friend.

He was the Dabi who would curl up in Hawks’ bed on a particularly bad day and ask him to stay close by. The Dabi who held Hawks’ hand every time they visited his parents’ grave. One that didn’t bat an eyelid when Hawks asked him in trembling voice to use another name and pronouns for him and a few years later nursed Hawks through his post-surgery recovery.

Hawks will always see him as the kid who dyed his hair black for the first time, as an act of rebellion and came to him for help because he spread it unevenly.

And Hawks isn’t sure how much of the current Dabi is authentic and how much it's him saying a big fuck you to his father and still pretending to be someone else just to spite the man. It hurts, to think about Dabi. Sometimes even looking at him hurts so much that Hawks refuses to meet his eyes even though they are the only thing that stayed unchanged. Hawks knows that Dabi hates them, hates the fact that he remade all of himself, but still has something he shares with his abuser.

Despite the hurt, the pain and all the uncertainties about Dabi, Hawks can’t imagine not being by his side. Because when all people see about Dabi are his flaws, Hawks can’t ignore everything good about him. For him, after the initial shock of realising his feelings, falling in love with Dabi seemed natural. With his charming smiles, witty comebacks and a dry sense of humour, Hawks was a goner. Hell, he can’t even remember what his first memory is but he remembers the way Dabi’s eyes lit up every time they hang out as kids.

Hawks sighs to himself and turns onto his side, his eyes settling on the mop of black hair sticking out of the blanket on the bed across from his. Dabi never makes any sounds when he’s asleep and covers himself from head to toe, no matter the season.

With all his nuances, changes and scars, Dabi is a difficult person but loving him is pathetically easy.

Thinking all of this over, Hawks has never stood a chance. He was doomed from the very beginning. And the thing he agreed to? He won’t even have to act. Dabi’s family will see the way Hawks looks at him and they will instantly know his feelings are genuine.

He buries his face in his pillow, holding back an irritated groan. Why does he always let Dabi drag him into his schemes? And most importantly, where has his self-preservation gone?

He’s is going to regret it so fucking much.

***

“We need to kiss,” Dabi says, sitting cross-legged on Hawks’ bed and watching him attentively.

And there come regrets.

They are leaving in two days and Hawks hoped he wouldn’t have to think about it until then, but it’s not like his wants matter, do they.

“We don’t?” he asks dumbly, shifting away from Dabi when he notices that their knees are touching.

There is no humour on Dabi’s face when he pulls Hawks by the shoulders and moves him upright so they are more or less facing each other. “We have to practice so it’s natural. We’re supposed to be obnoxiously gross around my father. So we have to know the way around each other.”

Hawks’ heart speeds up and he feels his palms beginning to sweat. He’s been mentally bracing himself for kissing but he isn’t prepared for it to come so quickly.

He chuckles nervously and leans in. He pecks Dabi on the lips just to immediately pull away. “That enough?” he asks and Dabi’s cold stare tells him that he isn’t impressed at all.

“If that’s how you kiss, I wonder how you managed to ever get laid,” Dabi deadpans.

“No need to be rude,” Hawks retorts. He actually can’t believe he’s just kissed Dabi. Though, it practically doesn’t count as a kiss, but still. He must be glowing red, considering how much his skin is burning. What is he, a middle schooler? God, that’s embarrassing. He drags a hand down his face.

“Wow, you’re so attractive,” Dabi comments, flicking Hawks in the forehead.

“It’s awkward, I’ve known you since you were a baby,” Hawks says the first thing that comes to his mind. It is believable if one ignores the fact that he’s been in love with Dabi and thought about kissing him ever since they were like fourteen. And that they definitely haven't known each other since they were babies.

“Oh my god,” Dabi mutters under his breath, reaching his hand behind Hawks. The next thing Hawks knows, there are cold fingers splayed over the back of his neck and he’s pulled forward.

He only manages to yelp before their lips collide and any noises coming out of Hawks’ throat are swallowed by Dabi.

Their teeth clink and Hawks has to shift so his leg won’t cramp.

He huffs into Dabi’s mouth, registering that Dabi is kissing him a few seconds too late. When he does, though, his whole body freezes. He’s paralysed, can’t move a single muscle and his eyes are wide open, looking at Dabi’s face being right there.

After Hawks doesn’t move for a few more moments, Dabi finally stops and blinks his eyes open. They stare at each other and then Dabi is letting go of him. He tilts his head to the side, obviously confused.

“What’s the problem?” he asks, nudging Hawks in the side with his fingers.

“Nothing, you just surprised me.” Hawks hits him in the chest half-heartedly.

Dabi snorts. “Can you stop being a baby? Imagine you’re kissing someone else if I bother you so much.”

It doesn’t bother Hawks, that’s the problem.

“How are you so…” Hawks trails off, moving his arms around helplessly and Dabi raises an eyebrow, bemused. “Don’t I bother you?” he asks slowly.

Dabi shakes his head. “It’s just kissing, not rocket science.” He shrugs one shoulder.

Kissing isn’t rocket science, sure, but kissing Dabi counts as one and Hawks is about to go mad. The fact that Dabi is so laidback about it only irritates him further.

Hawks scratches the side of his neck awkwardly. “But it’s us. It should be weird. We’ve never… never done things like this,” he says lamely, looking away from Dabi’s face.

“It’s not weird for me. I told you that you’re the only one I’d feel comfortable doing that sort of thing with. I trust you,” Dabi replies honestly, making Hawks gaze back up at him.

And that’s pretty logical, Hawks thinks. He knows Dabi has plenty of issues so it only makes sense he’d let Hawks in and nobody else when it comes to intimacy.

Hawks lets out a puff of air and raises his hand to gently cup Dabi’s cheek. He brushes the skin under his eye with his thumb. Holding his breath, he leans in and kisses him properly this time.

He puts his other hand on Dabi’s shoulder to support himself and closes his eyes. It’s funny how relaxed Dabi is in comparison to Hawks buzzing with anxiety.

As he’s nipping gently at Dabi’s lips, he realises they are softer than they look and he nearly sighs at the sensation. As much bravado as Dabi displayed before, he doesn’t start kissing Hawks back immediately and once he does, it’s unsure, hesitant. It takes them a while to find their rhythm. By the time they are somewhat doing a good job at it, Hawks' lungs are burning. Apparently, he forgot he needs to breathe.

It’s Dabi who pulls away and for a good moment, Hawks is too scared to open his eyes.

“Hey, you can breathe, you know?” Dabi’s tone is playful and Hawks allows himself to gasp for air, relieved.

He blinks his eyes open and sees Dabi grinning teasingly at him. He lets out an airy snort himself, moving a few inches away from Dabi.

“How was it?” he asks.

Dabi hums thoughtfully, rubbing his chin with his fingers. He eventually says, “Could be worse. Nothing some practice can’t fix.”

God, he’s an asshole. Absolutely the worst.

“Are you saying I’m a bad kisser?”

Dabi puts his hands up in defence. “Your words, not mine.”

Hawks huffs, pushing his hair back. “You aren’t that good either,” he states, ignoring his erratically beating heart.

He’s imagined kissing Dabi countless times and he’s not sure what else to say than that the real deal was nothing like he expected. Not in a bad way. It was just different. Well, for starters he never thought it would happen anywhere else than in fantasies so his expectations might have been too high. He might have given too much credit to the imaginary Hawks and Dabi.

Their real kiss, no matter how exciting, was like a typical first kiss – uncoordinated, clumsy and awkward. And maybe that’s what is making Hawks’ heart flutter. It wasn’t perfect, far from it, but at the same time, Hawks wouldn’t want their first kiss to be any different.

They kissed like lovers do, not made out the way Hawks has with his hook-ups.

“We will perfect it along the way,” Dabi promises, snapping Hawks out of his thoughts. Only then does Hawks notice that Dabi has moved away and is already scrolling through his phone, all the while Hawks hasn’t shifted an inch since they parted.

He’s hopeless.

***

When the day they have to leave finally comes and they’ve packed everything necessary, Hawks is at peace with himself. He freaked out enough times during the past few days and what’s left is acceptance. All he can do now is sit comfortably in the passenger seat of Dabi’s car and await everything that’s to come.

He’s got his sunglasses on, a cup of iced coffee in hand and is admiring the views, feeling his eyelids slowly becoming heavy. He might take a nap, who knows. The wind coming through the open window only makes him sleepier. Just as he’s about to give it a try, Dabi has to speak. Of course.

“We need a story,” he says, his eyes on the road.

Hawks glances at him in confusion and takes a big gulp of his coffee. Swallows, marvelling at the cold sensation spreading throughout his body and draws out, “What story?”

“About how we got together.”

“Oh.” They haven’t kissed again and the topic of their ‘relationship’ hasn’t been brought up ever since their little practice. Hawks lived in a blissful denial that perhaps it’s completely gone. Apparently not.

“Any ideas?”

Hawks sits up straighter in his seat. “Why me?” he whines.

“You’re the one studying literature. You know good stories. I guess,” Dabi replies, fully focused on making the right turn. His words are lazy. Like he doesn’t care. Which means that he does. God, what if he’s nervous about it?

Clearing his throat, Hawks starts unsurely, “I liked you so I confessed. Big surprise, you like me too and now we are dating.” It’s a perfect scenario, isn’t it? Sadly, only one of the three things he’s mentioned is true.

Dabi tsks. “It’s too simple. Add some dramatics.”

“It’s supposed to be believable, not a movie plot,” Hawks retorts, his tone coming out harsher than he intended. He doesn’t miss the confused look Dabi gives him. “Think of something better,” he adds, weaker.

He sees Dabi biting down on his lower lip, thinking something over. He’s quiet for the next few minutes and Hawks figures out he must have dropped the idea altogether. He’s ready to go back to lazing around when Dabi perks up.

“We are best friends and roommates. We were harbouring crushes on each other for a very long time but we were too scared to speak out. Then, one time I was drunk, got back late from a party and stumbled into your bed. You didn’t have the heart to push me off–“

“Of course.”

“– and in the heat of the moment, I kissed you. You kissed me back and then we fell asleep. We acted as if nothing had happened the next day. Some time passed, pretending everything was the same became harder and harder. We started snapping at each other without any reason, letting our eyes linger. The tension was unbearable. One night we started pillow fighting, I don’t even remember the reason why?” Dabi says as if he was truly retelling something that took place. “I went up to strangle you with a pillow and before we knew it, the feathers were everywhere, in our mouths, hair, clothes. I was straddling you and I paused and thought wow, you’re beautiful, not realising I said it out loud. You looked at me with those eyes of yours and in a weak voice asked me to go out with you. The end,” Dabi finishes and is met with stunned silence.

In all honesty, Hawks isn’t sure what to say. If Dabi wanted dramatic, he surely achieved it. To think he had it in himself is quite unexpected.

“What the hell, dude?” Hawks says eventually, his eyes wide. “Where did that come from?”

He notices that the tips of Dabi’s ears are red as he mutters, “I read a lot in my spare time.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been a romantic this whole time.”

“Shut up,” Dabi grits out, drawing his shoulders up to shield himself. “Do you like it or not?” he asks curtly.

Hawks looks out of the window, tugging at his fingers. “I do. But I think you should leave some details out if you want your family to believe you.”

He feels Dabi’s gaze on the side of his face for a brief second and then, “Keep it shorter. Got it.”

They stay quiet for the rest of the ride.

***

Hawks gets out of the car, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He ended up taking a nap and now he’s all sluggish. Dabi comes to stand next to him and pats him on the back. They’re waiting for his siblings to come for them so they can take their things to the place they’ll be staying at without getting lost.

Hawks leans back against the car and pushes his sunglasses onto his nose, squinting at the sight before him. The resort is enormous and Hawks doesn’t want to think about how he wouldn’t be able to afford to stay even one night there with his income. He frowns.

“God, I hate rich people,” he mumbles under his nose and hears Dabi chuckling next to him.

“Think of it this way, you’re using the money of a guy we both hate and who on a normal occasion would look down on you. Isn’t it satisfying?” Dabi asks, amusement audible in his voice. Hawks glances at him for a brief second and is about to respond when someone calls out in the distance.

“There he is!”

They both look in the direction the voice is coming from and then Dabi starts walking towards the three people coming at them. In that single moment, it occurs to Hawks that he hasn’t even asked Dabi whether he told his family that he was bringing him.

He watches as Dabi throws his arms around his siblings and squeezes them in a quick hug before dragging them back to the car.

Once they take notice of Hawks, he weakly waves at them.

And yup, their confused, but polite expressions tell Hawks all about how Dabi has not mentioned him tagging along. Great. He sighs and straightens up.

He’s met them all before. Considering how he used to be glued to Dabi’s hip for most of their middle and high school it was inevitable for him to meet his family. But for the life of him, he can’t remember when exactly was the last time he saw either of them. Dabi may meet up with them from time to time, but it’s not like Hawks would know.

It’s Fuyumi who offers a handshake first, her smile small, but reassuring. Hawks remembers that she works with children so maybe that’s why. Not that he’s a spooked kid, but who knows, maybe he comes off as one on the outside.

“Hawks, right?” she asks after pulling her hand back.

Hawks nods and receives brief greetings from Natsuo and Shouto, feeling them watch him carefully when he replies. It’s quiet afterwards. He clears his throat and looks at Dabi, hoping to get some help. Dabi just shrugs and Hawks thinks that by the end of the day he will be sporting a huge headache.

“Where’s our father?” Dabi asks in mock anticipation.

“Haven’t seen him much since we came here this morning,” Natsuo replies. After that, both he and Dabi start sarcastically listing out all the things that are more important to their father than the actual family vacation he organised while Fuyumi only shakes her head, trying to change the topic. They walk out to the side as their bickering continues.

Hawks is glad he’s wearing sunglasses so his distress maybe isn’t that visible. He was so caught up in the fact that he was going to act as Dabi’s boyfriend, he hasn’t even thought about how he will be surrounded by his family. He doesn’t know them well and he isn’t sure he’s welcome here. As much as he wants to help Dabi he can’t help but think of himself as an intruder, especially after their initial reaction to him.

As he watches Natsuo and Fuyumi laugh at something Dabi has said, fully engrossed in whatever they are talking about, Hawks feels even worse. Dabi hasn’t even bothered to explain why he came with him.

His fingers are itching to pull out his phone so he’d have something to do.

“Feeling out of place?”

Hawks flinches at the sound of someone’s voice and looks to the side. He’s met with Shouto’s mismatched eyes.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, letting his gaze travel back to the trio.

“Don’t worry. You’re not the only one,” Shouto assures him in a quiet voice.

Hawks scowls. Shouto is the youngest out of them and the one Hawks has barely met in the past. It’s a surprise to him that the boy is even talking with him right now.

“Well, you’re a part of the family,” Hawks replies dumbly and hears a humourless chuckle from the side.

“I spent most of my life away from them. It’s been better in the last few years but… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” Shouto says, sounding genuinely confused. Hawks looks at him again and notices how the boy is scrunching his nose. “Anyways, why are you here?” he asks and it doesn’t come out as rude, just curious. Dabi has told Hawks before that his youngest brother tends to be bold without intending to.

That’s not to say Hawks isn’t caught off guard by the sudden question. He hesitates before coming up with a reply. “I came here as Dabi’s plus one.” And to start the lie early on, he adds in a small voice, “We’re dating.”

Shouto opens his mouth in wonder, his eyes jumping back and forth between Hawks and Dabi. He seems to be processing the information for a few moments.

Eventually, he settles on a quiet, “Oh.”

Dabi chooses this moment to remember about Hawks’ existence as he looks over to him. He crosses the distance between them in a couple of steps and leans heavily against Hawks’ side, eyeing him and Shouto with a grin.

“Getting familiar with my little brother?” he asks, ruffling Shouto’s hair. Shouto mutters something unintelligible under his breath and ducks away from Dabi’s hand, making him cackle right by Hawks’ ear.

Hawks winces.

“You didn’t tell them I was coming,” he whispers through his gritted teeth, ignoring Shouto’s watchful gaze. He doesn’t care if the kid hears their exchange. For some reason, he feels like if it comes to it, Shouto will take his side anyway. It’s kind of pathetic to base that assumption on a brief conversation, but Hawks has been pathetic ever since he agreed to Dabi’s idea so it’s not the lowest he’s ever reached.

“Nope.”

Hawks narrows his eyes at him and crosses arms over his chest. “Why?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” Dabi shrugs.

Hawks takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He counts to ten in his head before opening them again. “You’re ridiculous.” See, if Hawks hadn’t done this little breathing exercise, he’d be throwing much worse words at Dabi right now. “Your father doesn’t know either.” It’s not a question.

“Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Hawks deadpans and hears Shouto snort next to him. It’s good that at least he is having fun.

“Is everything alright?” Fuyumi interrupts and only then does Hawks realise that she and Natsuo have walked up to them as well.

“Just a little lovers’ quarrel,” Shouto says, his tone bored. Maybe the kid isn’t on anyone’s side after all.

“What?” Natsuo asks.

Dabi drapes himself over Hawks and plants a big wet kiss on his cheek.

“I haven’t told you, guys. We’re together,” he says and there’s no hesitation in his voice.

There are a few beats of silence when Hawks wishes for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Then, much to his surprise, Natsuo fist bumps him in the shoulder.

“How can you put up with my idiot brother?” he grins cheekily at Hawks.

“Congratulations,” Fuyumi says, nudging Natsuo in the ribs with her elbow.

When they eventually get over the news and start their walk to the resort, Hawks and Dabi with their bags slung over their shoulders, it’s mostly silent but this time the air is lighter. It’s weird how learning that Hawks is Dabi’s boyfriend made the siblings less closed off. As if them being best friends for over ten years wasn’t enough for that.

“Man, if I had known we could bring our significant others, I’d have brought my girlfriend,” Natsuo whines as they enter the elevator.

It’s tiny and they have to squeeze to fit which Hawks finds rather unappealing until Dabi presses closely to his body.

“You mean your imaginary girlfriend,” Dabi teases over Hawks’ head.

“Hey!” Natsuo exclaims, offended.

“I’m pretty sure we can’t bring other people, though,” Shouto simply states.

“I’m just here to break the rules as usual and irritate our father,” Dabi says, pleased with himself.

“He’s using you, Hawks. Do you realise that? You’d be much better off without him,” Natsuo stage-whispers, turning his head to Hawks.

Hawks smiles at that. “Please,” he draws out, waving his hand. “I’m using him. I’m too broke to ever dream of coming to a place like this by myself.”

“Wow,” Natsuo gasps. “You two are like leeches.”

“That’s what capitalism does to couples,” Fuyumi says just as they arrive on their floor.

***

Dabi is beyond ecstatic when he learns that the only available bedroom is the one that shares a wall with Enji’s room. Hawks isn’t surprised that none of the siblings chose the place, but he does not comment on that matter. Only Dabi is masochistic enough to want to be anywhere close to his father.

The room is enormous, Hawks notes. The one they share back at home seems rather silly in comparison. The walls are painted rich red and the floor is wooden. There is a door on the far left corner, leading to the bathroom. It looks spacey, something that Hawks isn’t used to.

Dabi runs into the place and immediately throws himself at the queen-sized bed, abandoning his bag somewhere on the way.

Hawks isn’t nearly as excited but doesn’t say anything. He joins Dabi on the bed, opting on sitting and settles his bag nearby. He leans on his palms and exhales heavily.

They’re left alone for the few next hours. To freshen up before a big family dinner, which will be an affair all on its own. He will meet Dabi’s father and be introduced as his boyfriend which can go either way. He will also have to sit through all the tension this family possesses.

But now he has a moment to stop thinking about it all. He closes his eyes, moving his neck around. It hurts a bit from the uncomfortable position he slept in, back in the car. But it’s nothing a good shower can’t fix.

He jumps when he feels a hand creeping up his back and lets out a stuttered breath when slender fingers settle on the nape of his neck, squeezing it gently.

Hawks doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that Dabi has sat up and moved closer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” he says next to Hawks’ ear, his breath hitting the sensitive skin over there and making Hawks warm all over. Dabi keeps massaging him, now adding his second hand as he continues, “I didn’t know they’d be so stiff around you. I guess they were just surprised, but still.”

Hawks is doing everything in his power to keep the focus on Dabi’s words and not lean into his touch. It’s honestly impressive how well he’s managing it. Rumi would be proud of him.

“It’s fine. I just felt a bit unwelcome there, but whatever.” He shrugs.

It’s not the first time one of them is giving a massage to the other – Hawks is already like an old man and Dabi’s joints get particularly rusted during the winter. But it’s the first time that Hawks wonders how they’d look like to an outsider when they are doing something like this. The thought hasn’t crossed his mind before because he long lost any hopes, but he can’t lie that his brain hasn’t been high on Dabi the past few days, especially since they’ve kissed and it’s like falling for him once again. He doesn’t have much control over what he’s thinking at the moment.

It’s a bit irritating and by a bit Hawks means a whole lot. He was past this, but now it’s like he’s sixteen again, looking longingly at Dabi and hoping he will look back. He never did.

Hawks has made so much effort to bury his feelings for Dabi deep within himself so he could live normally, but he’s currently back to square one. This regression is disgusting and he’d like to get a refund.

He’s never signed up for falling for the same person twice even though he’s never actually fallen out of love in the first place. He’s too old and too tired for this. And knowing himself, he’ll start getting stuck in his head way too much.

“Turn around,” Dabi mutters and see, he’s even done it now. He tuned out and the next thing he knows is that his muscles are all relaxed. He’s not even surehow much time has passed.

He turns his head and opens his eyes.

“What.”

Dabi smiles, his eyes glinting with mirth and Hawks sighs dreamily. God, he’s so pretty.

“You look like you’re about to topple over.”

Hawks squints at him. “Yeah? Well, you look like an asshole.”

Dabi laughs, brushing some hair away from Hawks’ face.

“Take a nap,” he says and starts pulling Hawks further on the bed.

“And what about you?” Hawks asks, toeing his shoes off so he won’t dirty the sheets.

“Me? I’ll be right here,” Dabi replies quietly, making himself comfortable next to Hawks.

Hawks sighs, already feeling drowsy. He drifts off to the sensation of fingers carding through his hair.

***

After the nap and a shower, Hawks and Dabi head to the adjoining restaurant, knowing that the others are already there. As they near the place, Dabi grabs his hand and pulls him closer to his side.

“What’re you doing?” Hawks complains, nearly stumbling over his own feet.

“We’re making a grand entrance,” Dabi replies, grinning.

Hawks lets out a huff. “I’m pretty sure being fifteen minutes late will do the trick.”

They wouldn’t be any minutes late if only Dabi hadn’t stopped Hawks when they were ready and told him to sit down because they couldn’t be there on time like losers, come on Hawks.

Now, Hawks is running out of breath since Dabi’s calculations didn’t include the crowd in the elevator and how it’d significantly slow them down. And he didn’t want to be too late either. He can be difficult at times.

They enter the restaurant and Dabi waves at the table near the back. Hawks is confused for a moment until he notices Natsuo standing up and gesticulating at them to come over.

Dabi starts pulling Hawks towards the table by the hand and if they weren’t in such a hurry and Hawks wasn’t anxious about this whole dinner, he’d maybe acknowledge the butterflies in his stomach. After all, they’ve been holding hands for a couple of minutes now.

When they are close enough that Hawks doesn’t have to squint his eyes anymore to see the table, he nearly stops in his tracks upon seeing Enji Todoroki in person after so many years. The man is watching them come with a scowl and Hawks gulps, his hold on Dabi’s hand tightening. He can’t help being afraid of the man. He’s not sure if for himself or Dabi. Maybe both.

Dabi throws his way a confused glance, but before he can say anything, they arrive at the table.

“You’re late,” Shouto simply states, sipping loudly on his coke. Hawks is pretty sure he doesn’t need a straw in such a place, but seeing how Enji’s jaw clenches at the noise, he’s got an idea as to why exactly Shouto is doing that.

“The shower ran longer than we expected,” Dabi says with a smirk, pulling a chair out for Hawks and then sitting on the one next to his.

Hawks joins the table, feeling the blood rushing to his cheeks. He returns a small smile Fuyumi sends his way.

“I was surprised as to why we were supposed to make more room on the table, but I should have known it was another game of yours,” Enji says coldly. “Who is it?” He nods at Hawks.

Hawks looks towards Dabi and though there’s a relaxed smile pulling at his lips, Hawks notices how it’s strained around the edges.

“You’ve met him before,” Dabi answers, not breaking eye contact with his father as he reaches for Hawks’ hand once again and still staring the man down, places two gentle pecks over Hawks’ knuckles.

It’s for the show, it’s not necessary and neither does it contribute to his answer but Hawks doesn’t miss the way Enji’s eyes narrow at the gesture and his fingers curl up into a fist. He guesses the little performance worked to Dabi’s benefit. He ignores the fluttery feeling in his chest.

Dabi lets go of Hawks’ hand and Hawks tucks it back to his side, not exactly uncomfortable, he was prepared for all kind of stuff, but still uneasy. Don’t get him wrong, he likes being the centre of attention, but only if it’s good attention. Enji’s scrutinising gaze makes his skin crawl.

“It’s a family vacation. You shouldn’t bring this,” Enji makes a vague gesture at both Dabi and Hawks, “here.”

It’s no secret that Enji Todoroki isn’t fond of Dabi being gay. He’ll never say the word out loud and his distaste is always made clear. He won’t miss any occasion to criticise Dabi on that matter. He probably thinks that this, too is a personal jab at him, to make him angry. But no, contrary to popular belief Dabi hasn’t become gay to spite his father. He just likes men.

Dabi leans his chin on both of his palms, the smile gone from his lips. “He’s more family to me than you could ever be and yet, here you are,” Dabi says, every single word coming out smoothly.

The table falls completely silent save for Shouto obnoxiously sipping through his straw.

Enji is fuming, his whole face red and nostrils flaring. Despite making himself an obvious threat, the siblings appear calm. Desensitized, maybe. But under closer inspection Hawks sees how stiffly they are holding themselves as if waiting for another shoe to drop. At the same time, though, both Shouto and Natsuo look curious. Only Fuyumi has her eyes glued to her plate. It’s disturbing to watch.

“When will you grow up, Touya?” Enji asks, his tone harsh and Dabi flinches.

“Don’t call me that,” he spits out, losing his composure.

“It’s your name. You need to start acting normally. It’s too late for your body.” Enji pointedly looks over Dabi’s tattoos. “But if you stopped being so childish–“

“You are the childish one. You invite your kids to a place like this fully knowing we hate your guts. You want to play at being a father? Where have you been for the past twenty-four years? You should be happy we’ve even come here,” Dabi replies, his leg bouncing nervously.

Hawks places his hand over his knee, hoping it’ll give him some support. It hurts to see Dabi this distraught.

“I may fuck men, but at least I don’t feel the need to beat five-year-olds,” Dabi adds, anger and disgust audible in his voice.

Natsuo chokes on something, Shouto’s sipping abruptly stops and Fuyumi offers, “You should taste the salad, it’s really good. Really.” Her plate is still empty.

Well, Hawks did expect the dinner to be awkward, maybe tense, but this? This is beyond his expectations. Barely five minutes have passed and it’s a complete disaster.

He grabs his glass of water and gulps half of it at once, his hand flexing on Dabi’s leg. It’s still jumping up and down. One glance at Dabi and Hawks knows he’s badly shaken up. Hawks puts the glass back on the table.

“Fuyumi, don’t change the topic,” Natsuo whines. “We almost made a scene in a five-star restaurant.”

That seems to loosen Dabi up, if only a bit. He chuckles under his breath and moves a hand over his face. Watching him, Hawks’ heart breaks a little. Dabi looks so tired from this exchange alone. He can’t imagine what’s going to happen when this continues.

“We? You didn’t do shit,” Dabi mutters unevenly, reaching his hand out and grabs the only bowl with the salad that’s on the table. He puts a great amount of it onto his plate, most of which he probably won’t touch anyway and then looks at Hawks. “You want some?”

Hawks can’t find any voice in himself so he nods.

Dabi’s hands are shaking and Hawks has to stop himself from taking the bowl with the spoon from him. He knows it would only make Dabi feel worse. He hates having his weaknesses pointed out.

Dabi puts the bowl back in place and digs into his salad. He starts chewing it, obviously to distract himself more than to eat. It’s apparent in the way he struggles with swallowing. He opens his mouth and smiles widely towards his sister, the chewed up food on full display. “You were right, it’s delicious,” he says.

“You’re disgusting,” Hawks teases weakly, hoping it’ll make things at least slightly better for Dabi.

“You still love me, though,” Dabi retorts through the mouthful of vegetables.

Hawks sighs, looking down at his own plate. He takes a pair of chopsticks for himself. “Yeah, I do,” he replies in a small voice.

The rest of the table must take their behaviour as permission to start eating and soon enough all plates are filled with food. Natsuo even goes out of his way and adds some meat and potatoes to Hawks’ salad, offering a wide grin.

The fact they’ve already moved on, or are trying to, from what happened tells Hawks they must be accustomed to it. It makes something bitter spill inside of him. He hates the man sitting across from him even more than before.

For a while, there’s nothing to be heard other than the sounds of eating and the plates shifting. Dabi seems to be lost in thought, barely having eaten his portion of salad. He’s idly tossing it around with his chopsticks, his cheek perched up on left hand, his elbow resting on the table. Hawks can’t even see his face properly, obscured by the hand and hair falling into his eyes.

“So… how did you two get together?” it’s Shouto who breaks the silence, having moved on from loudly sipping on his drink to making a show of eating his soba noodles, making slurping sounds.

The kid has subtle ways of getting under his father’s skin as opposed to Dabi going full in.

Hawks gently nudges Dabi’s ankle with his foot, making him startle and look around wide-eyed before settling his gaze on Hawks.

“Your brother asked how we got together,” he repeats, his tone soft. Dabi ruffles his own hair, letting out a snort and looking over the table.

He shrugs, nonchalant. “Hawks liked me, confessed and since I liked him back, we started dating,” Dabi says, throwing an arm around Hawks’ shoulders and pulling him close to his side. Hawks has a feeling it’s less than to make a point and more to seek out some comfort this time.

He is a bit perplexed with the fact that Dabi went with this story, given how much effort he put into his own version. But he can’t comment on it now.

Shouto tilts his head to the side, blinking slowly. “That’s it?”

He seems rather underwhelmed.

Dabi nods, removing his arm from around Hawks, but staying close to him. “Yeah. We’re roommates and best friends, there’s no place for secrets and much drama,” Dabi explains, looking sheepish.

Hawks wants to laugh at the irony. He’s been hiding a big secret away from Dabi for years and Dabi hasn’t noticed. Talk about oblivious. They could share minds and Dabi wouldn’t know, that’s how thick he is when it comes to these matters. Not that Hawks is complaining. At least he doesn’t have to worry about being found out.

The rest of the dinner passes in relative silence, albeit a tense one. Bit by bit, Dabi relaxes and once they are walking back to the resort, taking a longer route than the rest of the Todorokis, his steps look almost lazy.

“Why didn’t you go with your story?” Hawks asks, glancing at Dabi sideways.

Dabi huffs, looking up at the sky. “You were right. We needed something believable, not straight from a romance novel.” He threads his fingers through his hair, messing it up. He doesn’t say, I was tired even though Hawks knows that’s probably the main reason. The whole conversation with Enji must have affected him way more than he had expected.

“Are you sure coming here was a good idea?”

“Sure, why not?” Dabi replies, frowning at Hawks.

“The thing at dinner…” Hawks trails off, shrugging helplessly.

Dabi bumps their shoulders together. “It’s normal for us, don’t worry. Thanks to this we won’t be talking to each other anytime soon. Probably for the rest of the vacation.”

Hawks wants to say something. Express his concerns and try to convince Dabi that it’s not worth it. He looks up at him and finds him already staring back. Hawks finds himself speechless. Illuminated by the glow of the street lamps, Dabi looks soft despite the lines of exhaustion on his face, his scars and piercings. Almost boyish.

“I’ll be alright,” Dabi says, ruffling Hawks’ hair fondly.

Hawks wants to trust him, he truly does, but he isn’t sure he can. Not when he’s seen him destroyed by his father so many times before.

***

When Hawks wakes up the next morning, all of the blankets are on Dabi’s side of the bed. He’s cocooned himself pretty efficiently. Hawks just shrugs at it, unbothered. The air is humid enough that he didn’t need them anyway. He simply wonders how it’s possible that Dabi hasn’t overheated yet. Especially since he’s wearing both pants and a long-sleeved shirt to sleep.

The memory of the last evening is still echoing in the back of Hawks’ mind. He scrunches his nose up as he gets up, wondering what’s in store for today. Dabi said he and his father may not speak to each other for some time but it doesn’t change the fact that they will have to spend the next few days seeing each other.

Hawks goes to the bathroom and steps in the shower, deciding to worry about all of that later. He was so spent the night before that the water sliding down his body is doing wonders to his tense muscles.

He walks back into the room approximately half an hour later, no longer drowsy and with only a towel wrapped around his hips, leaving his hair wet to dry on its own.

Hawks starts rummaging through his bag, crouching next to it and trying to find something that won’t make him suffer if he happens to go outside when he hears a whistle from behind.

“Nice legs.”

He doesn’t turn around as he finally settles on shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Hawks stands up. “Already awake?” he asks dismissively, putting his underwear on and dropping the towel to the side.

With anyone else, he’d be less carefree about changing in front of them, but when it comes to Dabi, there is barely any shame left.

He pulls the t-shirt over his head and seeing how it reaches his mid-thigh, postpones putting the shorts on.

“I’m a light sleeper,” Dabi says when Hawks eventually turns towards him.

“What are the plans for today?”

Dabi shrugs, giving Hawks a once-over. “Don’t ask me. Ask the boss,” he replies mockingly, pointing his finger at the wall behind the bed.

Hawks shakes his head and opens his mouth to say something when there’s a knock on the door. Dabi makes no indication to move, so sighing heavily, Hawks goes to open it.

Only after being faced with Fuyumi and noticing how her eyes trail down his body, does he remember that he’s got no pants on.

She’s blushing when she says, “Family breakfast in fifteen.”

“Is you-know-who going?” Dabi asks, coming up right behind Hawks and leaning his front against his back. Hawks can feel the heat radiating off his body and he glances to the side, confirming that yes, Dabi is half-naked.

Did he really remove his shirt just to make his sister uncomfortable?

“He wi–will be joining us later,” she stutters out, looking to the side. Hawks is very tempted to elbow Dabi in the ribs right now.

“Is there anything planned for today?”

“We are going to the beach for a volleyball contest. Dad was invited to play. There will be press and some of his business partners.”

Dabi nuzzles Hawks’ temple. “Of course he is using this vacation as an opportunity to make himself look better.” He pulls away from Hawks, taking all of his warmth in his wake. “I assume we are supposed to behave,” Dabi mutters under his breath, stepping further into the room.

“And play,” Fuyumi adds in a smaller voice. “His business partners are with their families as well.”

Hawks doesn’t have to see Dabi, to know he must be frozen in place.

“You’re kidding,” Dabi states. There’s some ruffling in the background and Hawks assumes that Dabi has started picking his clothes out. To make himself busy with something.

“I mean, technically you can say no. But I’m not sure we need a repetition of what happened yesterday.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

Fuyumi winces at Dabi’s harsh tone. Hawks looks from one to another and seeing how visibly tense Dabi has become, he murmurs to her, “We’ll be ready soon.” When she nods, he closes the door and walks up to Dabi, who is currently making a mess of the clothes in his bag.

Hawks kneels next to him, pursing his lips into a thin line.

“I hate that after everything he still uses us for appearances,” Dabi spits out, clutching one of his t-shirts to his chest. His fingers have gone white from how strong his hold is.

Hawks takes Dabi’s hand into his palms and wrings the shirt out of the grip, careful not to tear it.

“We can still leave,” he reassures him.

Dabi lets out a bitter chuckle and looks at Hawks through his eyelashes. There’s something dangerous glinting in his eyes. “I will play and I will make him regret ever making me do this shit. And you,” he pokes Hawks in his cheek, “will be my cheerleader. And both the press and my father’s oh, so valued partners will be grossed out by us,” Dabi enounces each word in a way that makes Hawks shiver.

They may get in trouble and it isn’t the way to solve Dabi’s issues, but there’s something exciting about ruining Enji Todoroki’s image by simply kissing his son in front of some important rich people. For some reason, probably the same one that made him agree to Dabi’s idea in the first place, Hawks want to see how far they can push the buttons.

The sensible part of him, though, is hoping that it won’t end up badly for either of them.

***

“I’ll never understand the logic behind building a swimming pool right next to the sea,” Hawks says, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose.

They’re all heading to the place of despair(as called by Natsuo), lacking any enthusiasm for how Enji has organised this day for them. The entirety of breakfast was basically them bitching about being puppets and Hawks listening in complete astonishment to every single profanity addressing their father that left their mouths. He didn’t have anything to add so he kept quiet, stuffing himself with eggs instead.

The siblings unanimously agreed to sabotage their father with everything they have. If they are forced to play they might as well humiliate him and make him lose.

“The pool is more hygienic,” Shouto says, kicking a stray rock to the side.

“But still. It’s such a waste of money,” Hawks whines.

“They get the money back, though,” Shouto counters as they round the corner.

It’s all set up in the distance and quite a lot of people have already arrived. The closer they get, the louder the noises grow.

Hawks notices how all at once the siblings have moved towards each other. They’re like one big blob, walking towards the place of the contest, with Hawks trailing behind them.

“Is it okay for me to be here?” Hawks asks, looking around.

He yelps in surprise when Dabi grabs him by the forearm and makes him join their squished formation.

“If we go down, we go down together,” Natsuo says solemnly and it’s such a stark contrast to how wary he was of Hawks when they first met the day before. It’s almost as if Hawks got adopted in a matter of hours.

“I can’t even play volleyball,” Shouto mumbles when they stop close to the makeshift volleyball court.

“Me neither but I watched all seasons of Haikyuu!!” That grants Natsuo a couple of eye rolls.

“The worse we are, the better,” Dabi says, smirking.

Hawks supposes he is right.

Some people he doesn’t recognise approach them, trying to make small talk with the children of the CEO of Endeavour Corporations. It’s a bit pitiful to watch. The way those strangers bend over themselves to come off as polite but are met with awkward and short answers.

They are supposed to be friends of the family but considering how exactly dysfunctional Todorokis are, Hawks is doubtful about it. Their behaviour suggests that they could be acquaintances at best.

All these people probably think that they will earn some points from Enji by being nice to his children. Little do they know that he doesn’t care and neither do his kids.

Natsuo and Dabi don’t even bother answering them and move away when the occasion arrives. Shouto briefly helps Fuyumi out in her attempts to make a conversation but at some point walks out to the side with a friend from school, a girl with a long ponytail. Hawks is pretty much useless so he joins the two brothers. Fuyumi is trying her best but it’s not a very nice sight.

“How long are they gonna pester her for?” Hawks whispers to Natsuo and Dabi, glancing towards the girl every few minutes.

Dabi looks over to her and then at Hawks, shrugging. “As long as she lets them.” He immediately goes back to watching whatever Natsuo is showing him on his phone. And it’s a bit irritating, isn’t it?

As much as they hate their father, leaving Fuyumi all to herself in such an uncomfortable situation is a dick move.

Hawks scowls, staring hard at Fuyumi’s back. He could go up there and take her to their little hiding spot, but at the same time, he isn’t sure he should be stepping out of line.

Someone pats him on the knee.

“She’s been doing it for years, it’s fine,” Natsuo says, catching Hawks’ gaze.

Hawks would argue that doing something out of necessity for a long time doesn’t automatically make it right, but he thinks that it wouldn’t get him anywhere.

Soon enough the first contest is announced and Fuyumi is free. She deflates once she comes over and sits down.

She kicks Natsuo in his ankle and pinches Dabi’s ear until he yelps, moving away. She doesn’t say anything, glueing her eyes to the court. Hawks notices her tugging at her fingers anxiously.

None of them pays any attention to the game even though Enji is in one of the teams. Dabi goes as far as to yawn loudly when the man scores some points.

Shouto comes back after the first set is done, a big bag of candies in his hands and plops down on the bench next to Fuyumi.

“Where did you get that from?” she asks. Shouto shrugs, extending the bag to his brothers and Hawks. They all take a piece. Fuyumi is carefully watching her brother. “Did you and Momo steal it?”

Shouto blinks at her innocently, making her groan while Dabi and Natsuo snicker. After that, the tension dissipates and all Hawks can do is relax in his seat, with his side comfortably pressed up against Dabi’s.

***

Dabi smiles widely into the kiss and Hawks can’t help but grin, too. There are fingers in his hair and for once, Dabi’s hands are warm from the way he’s been hitting the ball. When he pulls away and runs off to continue the game, Hawks is dizzy and his sunglasses are askew on his nose.

Ever since the family game started, they’ve already kissed around ten times. There’s a particularly good strike of hits? Dabi comes to kiss him right after. He fucks up his serves? A kiss. A break to discuss the next moves is announced? He attacks Hawks with his lips.

There are groans, giggles and surprised whispers. The cameras seem to be more excited about catching them making out again than capturing the progress of the game.

Hawks' lips are bruised and tingling from how intense Dabi is every time he approaches him.

He watches Dabi mess up yet another move on purpose and he hasn’t seen him this happy in so long. Dabi high fives Natsuo and Shouto, cackling loudly and ignores Enji frowning at them.

It’s too soon after the last time to expect Dabi coming to Hawks again, but he still manages to catch his eye and send a flying kiss his way. Hawks makes a show out of catching it and dramatically returning it.

He’s having much more fun than he’s expected. And his touch-starved ass is getting kissed. It’s a win-win.

“You guys are cute,” Fuyumi says. She’s sitting next to him, watching the game. Her excuse in not participating? She doesn’t want to accidentally break her glasses. She knew she wasn’t going to play from the very start and maybe that’s why she was complaining the least.

Hawks blushes, tearing his eyes away from Dabi. “Thanks,” he replies shyly.

“I’m glad you stayed, Hawks.” She doesn’t look at him, letting her eyes wander off somewhere far away.

Well, obviously, he wouldn’t leave Dabi to deal with this vacation once he’s already committed to it.

“I wasn't thinking of leaving? Especially after one day.” He frowns.

She lets out a quiet laugh. “I mean, in general. Dabi was hard to stand when he was in high school. He’s alright now, though. So thanks for the patience,” she utters, her voice soft.

Yeah, Dabi’s rebellion reached its peak when they were teenagers. It’s then when he started leaving for days with no word, becoming distant, getting into fights and making friends with people like Shigaraki. It’s not to say that Hawks doesn’t like Shigaraki or the rest of their “gang”, but he knows that all of them together got down to all kinds of illegal things Hawks has never bothered to ask about. He knows there are parts of Dabi that are ugly, he’s witnessed the majority of them, but he thinks that some of them should stay unseen. For better or worse, he prefers to stay oblivious. Especially since Dabi has calmed down in recent years as have his friends.

“I didn’t want to leave him back then, either. We were both struggling with our shit separately, but…” he lets the rest hang in the air, not really in the mood to delve into this any deeper.

He looks up just in time to see Dabi taking his shirt off and throwing it to the side. And okay, the logical part of Hawks’ brain knows how Dabi’s tattoos are a way for him to cover countless scars, self-inflicted or otherwise. He’s aware it’s a form of therapy at the same time as it’s a part of his self-destructive tendencies.

He knows, okay? But all his gay brain is chanting right now is Hot Tattoo Dude and he can’t look away. The fact he’s seen Dabi shirtless more times than he can remember? Or that he even saw him shirtless this morning? It doesn’t matter. It’s all about the context. Because now, Dabi is all tantalising, his skin glistening with sweat and a challenging smirk pulling at his lips. The same lips Hawks was nibbling at not so long ago. God, he wants him so badly.

***

They lose. Given how much effort the Todoroki siblings put into it, it was a rather obvious outcome. Enji looks like he’s about to punch something when the results are announced, all the while the brothers pull each other into one, sweaty bear hug. From the looks of it, the audience is both amused and confused because of the display.

When they break apart, Dabi goes to grab his t-shirt and then leaps towards the bench Hawks and Fuyumi are occupying. With no care in the world, he places himself on Hawks’ lap and presses their lips together. Hawks puts his arms around Dabi’s waist so he won’t fall backwards and gasps when skin touches skin. Dabi really needs to put his t-shirt back on if Hawks is supposed to stay sane.

Dabi settles his palms on Hawks’ neck, tilting his head up with his fingers to get easy access to his mouth and hums into the kiss. They don’t use the tongues, but it’s hungry enough without this addition.

Hawks doesn’t think he’s ever been this close to Dabi before. It’s addicting.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Hawks pulls away, gasping for air. He ducks his head, hoping to get the message across. No more kissing. He can’t let that cloud his thoughts. He needs to stay focused.

Dabi snorts and gets off him.

There’s some clapping and Hawks looks up to see Natsuo grinning teasingly at them.

“Bravo, you were the true stars of this whole competition,” he says, plopping down on the sand.

“I hope they caught my good profile in the pictures,” Hawks muses out loud, his fingers toying with the collar of his t-shirt, pulling it up and down.

Dabi watches him, his eyebrows raised. “One of these days you’re going to drive me crazy,” he mutters, shaking his head and then puts his t-shirt back on.

Hawks is pretty sure the opposite is going to happen, but he doesn’t voice any of this out. Can’t have let himself be more exposed than he already is.

They go back to the resort to get some rest and no one suggests waiting up for Enji. It’s much more pleasant when he isn’t there to glare.

***

“Oh, Hawks! Oh! Oh, God!” Dabi moans, jumping all over the bed and making it tremble. Hawks is lying on his side, reading a magazine. His whole body moves every time Dabi stomps near him. “Oh! You feel so good. Fuck!”

Hawks rolls his eyes, fighting off the blush that’s trying to colour his cheeks. He’s not going to get flustered over Dabi making fake sex noises that will piss his father off. He’s not that low.

Dabi was specifically waiting for Enji to come back to his room to start it and while at first, it was confusing for Hawks, now he can’t believe he’s in love with that sort of person.

There’s an exceptionally long Ahhhhh! and Hawks regrets not recording it.

“God, when will you finish?” he shout-whispers under his breath. “Can you even last that long?” he adds, regretting it the moment Dabi looks at him with a smirk.

It’s a comical sight because he’s still jumping, but Dabi’s expression successfully manages to make Hawks’ throat dry anyway. He swallows.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Dabi mutters under his breath and yes, Hawks would very much like to know. Before he can reply, though, deny the accusation, Dabi lets out a loud groan, exposing his neck in the process and Hawks has so many regrets. Too many to even count.

“You’re ridiculous,” Hawks mumbles, looking away.

“Help me out a bit so we can finish,” Dabi replies instead, nudging Hawks with his foot.

Fine, whatever will get him out of this situation.

Hawks sits up, takes a long breath and with closed eyes, starts hitting the wall with the side of his fist. “Oh, fuck, Dabi. Fuck. Harder! Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” The pounding on the wall grows faster and faster, and then Hawks makes them uneven, stuttering out all profanities that come to his mind. He finishes with a loud wail and then slides down back to his lying position. Dabi stops jumping over the bed, muffling a cough in the sleeve of his shirt.

Hawks hasn’t done any harm to his hand but it’s pulsing slightly and he feels embarrassed. He hates Dabi, he truly hates him. First of all, he’d never be shameless enough to have sex knowing someone would be able to hear it. Especially Dabi’s father. Second of all, he just can’t wait to have even more trouble looking the man in the face.

Dabi lies down next to him, panting a bit and lets out a chuckle.

“Wow, I had no idea you had it in yourself,” he says, cuddling up to Hawks’ side.

Perplexed, Hawks puts his arm around Dabi, holding him close. “You cuddle after sex? Wouldn’t take you for that kind of person,” he says, his finger teasing the material of Dabi’s shirt. He hears a snort as Dabi moves around more comfortably and throws one of his legs over Hawks’.

“Only when it’s good,” he replies. “You really went hard with this,” Dabi adds, raising his head to look Hawks in the eyes.

They are close.

“Because you kept jumping and it was annoying,” Hawks says, forcing Dabi’s head back down onto his chest so he doesn’t have to be tempted. So he won’t do anything stupid. He doesn’t need any more regrets.

Before he can pull his hand away, Dabi grabs it. From their position, he can’t see much, but given how Dabi’s fingers brush over his palm, Hawks has an idea.

“You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” Dabi asks, linking their fingers together.

This situation is weirdly intimate. Hawks isn’t sure what to think about it. Yeah, they’ve always been close with each other, but never like that. The lines have never been blurred.

“No, it’s cool,” Hawks says, coming off cool. He flexes his hand to prove the point and Dabi shakes his head.

“It was funny, admit it,” Dabi insists.

Hawks is staring at the top of his head. He notices that Dabi’s roots have grown out quite a lot. He will have to help him with them rather soon. Hawks’ heart is beating slowly, content. “Yeah, it was,” he states. It was one of the weirdest things he’s ever done, but he’d lie if he said that it wasn’t entertaining.

Not because of what he’s done but who it was with.

Rumi would laugh her ass off if she knew how sappy he is. He doesn’t need her to know he’s being a fool, though.

He’s self-aware like that.

***

Hawks turns on his side and blinks his eyes open, stopping himself from yawning in the last second when he sees Dabi’s face mere centimetres from his own. He’s still engulfed in blankets, but this time his face isn’t fully obscured by them. He’s breathing softly, his face looking relaxed and Hawks is captivated. It’s not often when he can look at Dabi when he’s this vulnerable. Delicate.

Dabi buries his chin into the blanket, scrunching his nose up. Cute.

Hawks hesitantly reaches his hand out to brush Dabi’s hair away from his eyes when his phone starts buzzing on the nightstand.

He’s out of the bed in an instant, answering the call and hopes it hasn’t woken Dabi up. He walks away, standing by the window and winces when all he hears is a very loud and mocking laugh.

He knows who it is without looking at the screen.

It takes a good minute for Rumi to calm down and when she speaks, her voice is laced with delight.

“Good morning to our local celebrity. You truly are balls deep in this shit, aren’t you?”

Hawks frowns. “What?”

“Your pretty face is plastered all over the Internet. Well, at least the part that isn’t covered by Dabi,” she explains and Hawks’ mouth goes slack.

“Wait, what?”

“There was some event, right? The Internet is full of articles about the new couple. Listen to this. It seems that the eldest son of Enji Todoroki has fallen in love. Who has stolen his heart is yet to be revealed but the young couple was unashamed in showing their affections. Sorry, ladies, you lost your chance,” Rumi finishes with an ugly snort. “As if he wasn’t gay this entire time.”

Rumi reads a few more fragments from other articles, some ridiculous and some criticising.

Sometimes Hawks forgets that Dabi and the rest of his family are pretty popular. Just because Dabi is a private person and keeps to himself, doesn’t change the fact that his father is one of the most influential people in Japan. It was inevitable that if it came to it, their ‘relationship’ would be overtaken by media, but for some reason, Hawks has never entertained this idea for longer than a second.

And now, as Rumi keeps talking, commenting on the pictures she’s seen, Hawks is filled with a new kind of anxiety.

“Can you send me some of those photos?” He wants to know what exactly the world has seen.

“Yeah, sure. Do you know what’s funny? I found more pieces written about the two of you than stuff about the actual thing you attended.”

Well, it’s not like Hawks didn’t know. He just didn’t worry about it. He will now, though.

Rumi teases him some more before they end the call and Hawks immediately clicks on the pictures she’s sent him. He zooms in and out, his eyes staring at their faces. They were caught kissing and parting and looking at each other over the court. The more pictures he sees, the more he panics. It’s all written over his face. How in love he is. Technically, it should be a good sign. It would mean they can fool everyone and get away with it. But Hawks’ heart is hurting when he’s looking at his love-struck expression. He can’t believe he’s let himself be so open about his feelings in front of everyone. In front of Dabi.

That’s just another reminder of how pathetically gone he is and how no matter what he does, he’s unable to hide it.

He pauses at a picture that shows them right after the contest. When Dabi sat on him. They look happy, grinning hard into the kiss. Caught in a moment. Hawks zooms in to take a better look on their faces and swallows, wishing to erase the image from his brain.

“Wow, this one looks nice,” Dabi says into Hawks’ ear, startling him.

Hawks looks to the side and Dabi is standing right here, looking over Hawks’ shoulder at his phone. He’s been there for God knows how long and Hawks, being in the middle of his little breakdown, didn’t even notice.

“People are talking about us,” Hawks replies weakly. He doesn’t even protest when Dabi grabs his phone from him and starts examining the pictures for himself.

“That’s good,” he says, sounding almost bored.

“Good?” Hawks chokes out, bringing Dabi’s attention to himself.

“Yeah? My father will hate it.” He shrugs, though his eyes narrow at Hawks, watching him.

“Right,” Hawks replies awkwardly, looking to the side.

“You agreed to this,” Dabi states, his voice wary.

“Yeah.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing,” Hawks says calmly. “I’ll take a shower,” he adds and makes his way to the bathroom.

Once inside, he hides his face in his hands and slides down to the floor. He is so fucked.

***

Being contradictory is Hawks’ thing. He deeply regrets his decision to agree to Dabi’s scheme, has a mental breakdown over having his face displayed online in the morning and then he’s drooling all over himself at the sight of Dabi swimming in a pool in the afternoon. This trip is both a blessing and a curse.

He’s sitting at the edge of the pool, letting his feet dip in the water while he’s observing Dabi and Fuyumi race each other.

He doesn’t notice when Shouto joins him.

“Enjoying yourself?” the boy asks teasingly, making Hawks look away and clear his throat.

“The race is very interesting.” Shouto hums, his lips twitching. “What about you?”

“Yeah, until my father comes.”

“Why aren’t you getting in the water?”

“I don’t want to win against Dabi and make him sad. He’s a sore loser.”

Hawks hides a snort in his palm. Dabi can act like a little kid at times so he completely understands Shouto’s reasoning.

“Fuyumi lets him win, but I’m not that kind of person. My bastard of a father taught me to always push forward. I’d destroy him,” Shouto explains further, his eyebrows drawn together. “Why aren’t you swimming?”

Hawks finds himself speaking the truth when he says, “I can’t watch him from there, can I?”

There’s something about Shouto that makes him way too honest when he doesn’t even intend to.

“Clever,” Shouto replies, swinging his legs back and forth.

Neither of them sees it coming and even if they did, it’d be too late.

Natsuo pushes them into the water without a single moment of hesitation, his laughter echoing ominously all around.

Hawks splutters and hears Shouto coughing. Natsuo is standing where they were sitting just seconds ago, looking very proud of himself.

“What the hell,” Shouto mutters, staring daggers at his brother.

“You can race me now, Shouto. I won’t cry. Unlike some of us,” Natsuo says, glancing briefly at Dabi. He jumps in the pool and splashes them with water. He comes up to the surface, grinning.

“Why drag me into this?” Hawks asks, making his way to the ladder. Natsuo stops him in the middle.

“Your moping was too much. Besides, I wanna race you too.” He looks at him with a challenge.

Hawks’ nostrils flare and he smirks. “Oh, you’re on,” he mutters.

“I’m not taking any part in this,” Shouto mumbles.

Natsuo throws his arm around his shoulders. “You will race the winner.”

Shouto makes a pained noise but agrees nonetheless.

***

They take this race more seriously than they ought to, but Hawks isn’t complaining. They make Fuyumi and Dabi get out of the pool. Fuyumi seems to be thankful for the offered break while Dabi shakes his head at them.

Just as they are about to dive in, Hawks hears a distant, “I’ll kiss you if you win.” If he wasn’t motivated before, he is now. Even if it’s just a joke.

The race makes his muscles burn, it’s a pleasant kind of ache and he doesn’t slow down. He’s an amateur when it comes to swimming and will probably be completely out of breath by the end of it, but he doesn’t mind.

He loses. He’s not surprised and only laughs when Natsuo shakes his hand. It was fun and let him stop thinking for a moment. He can’t blame Natsuo for being a better swimmer.

“See, that’s how you should lose. With a big smile,” Natsuo exclaims, gesturing at Dabi. He’s flipped off in return. “Come on, Shouto. Let’s end this rivalry for good.”

Shouto has no other choice but to obey and make himself ready all the while Hawks gets out of the pool. He’s panting and sits down rather ungracefully on the tiles.

Dabi joins him, sitting way too close for comfort, making their wet skin stick. Hawks doesn’t have it in himself to push him away, though.

“I lost yesterday and you lost today,” Dabi says, bumping their shoulders together.

“Look at us, a pair of losers,” Hawks replies, pushing the wet strands of hair away from his face.

Dabi snorts but doesn’t add anything, letting his fingers brush over Hawks’ shoulders, making him stop breathing for a moment. If he notices the way Hawks tenses under his touch, he doesn’t comment on it.

“I forgot how cool it looks until I saw you swimming.” His fingers keep trailing over the skin of Hawks’ back.

It’s about his tattoo, the red wings starting at Hawks’ shoulder blades and ending right above his elbows, so when he spreads his arms, the wings do so as well. He’s gotten them after his top surgery. A testament to how he always wanted to fly away when things would get harder.

“Says you,” Hawks replies dryly.

“You may not have as many tattoos as I do, but it doesn’t mean I can’t think that yours is beautiful.”

Hawks feels his cheeks heat up and he tries to mask it with an exasperated sigh. He turns his head to the side, ready to retort but he’ stopped when Dabi captures his lips in a kiss. Dabi presses closer to him, putting one of his hands on Hawks’ cheek and caresses it gently with his fingers.

Hawks melts against him, letting himself lean in, forgetting all about how distressed he was this morning and how he shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as he is.

Kissing Dabi is surely one of the best things that this whole deal brings. Compared to their first attempts, they’ve already made some progress and Hawks likes to think it’s because of how normally in sync they are. They didn’t have to have a whole lot of practice to make it work because Hawks is drawn to Dabi with every cell in his body and Dabi knows exactly how to use it.

He pulls away and Hawks can’t help but chase him with his lips just to find his cheek instead. His wake-up call.

He recovers quickly, turning his head away from Dabi’s. He wasn’t rejected but he can’t help but taste the bitterness on his tongue.

“You said you’d kiss me if I won,” Hawks says, looking for the reason why. Why would Dabi kiss him unprompted?

“The old man walked in,” Dabi explains and true to his words, Enji Todoroki is sitting by the pool, pointedly not looking in their direction.

Something heavy sinks in Hawks’ stomach and he curses himself for allowing his brain to think for even a second that Dabi would kiss him just because.

He can’t forget it’s all fake. He can’t hurt himself like that and have his heart broken. Not again.

***

Many say that having feelings for a straight person when the other isn’t would be considered as the worst-case scenario. In Hawks’ opinion, though, finding out Dabi was gay, simply not into him was crushing. If he ever caught himself liking a straight guy, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But Dabi likes men, he just doesn’t like Hawks and that’s the issue, isn’t it? When Dabi came out, Hawks felt like all his prayers were answered just to be met with bitter disappointed right after.

Dabi has never looked at him the way he wanted him to.

Was Dabi straight, Hawks would have simply moved on with no hard feelings, but in this case, he can’t help but wonder what it is exactly that he doesn’t have.

It all happened when they were between sixteen and seventeen. Hawks was over the moon, going through his first serious crush. Dabi announced to everyone the truth about his sexuality and Hawks’ stupid teenage brain took it as a sign. He started showing more affection, expressing his feelings in subtle ways and going as far as to flirt with Dabi. He was scared of being forward about it, but he thought his efforts were enough. However, the longer it went on for, the more defeated he was.

Then he saw Dabi kissing another boy, someone he barely knew and Hawks’ heart sank. This boy had something special that made Dabi want him, something that no matter what Hawks did, he didn’t possess.

After that came other boys, some stayed longer and some not but the point stood clear – Dabi wouldn’t have his eyes for Hawks, not even if he had confessed. That’s why he’s never said anything.

Considering how long Hawks had feelings for Dabi, accepting that it was never going to happen was difficult to process and the heartbreak was tough. He’d distance himself, try to find rebounds after rebounds just to experience something else, hurting people all the while. Sure, he’s never got rid of the feelings completely as it’s proven right now, but eventually, he managed to push them aside.

And hope? Hope is what made it all complicated the last time and he isn’t going to give in to his delusions again. He just needs to remind himself it’s all for a show and stop himself from going too far.

He’s not in high school anymore, he should be able to handle it a bit better this time.

***

The next few days are rather peaceful. There aren’t any fights involving Dabi and his father. They get to use some of the services the resort has to offer(Hawks uses this as an opportunity to go to the spa, having Shouto and Fuyumi tag along). They visit the beach again and Hawks ends up with a nasty sunburn that he whines about, grossing Dabi out when his skin starts to peel off. Much to everyone’s surprise, Enji doesn’t force himself on them more than necessary and for a bit, it truly feels like a vacation, giving the siblings time to bond and Hawks to sadly pine after Dabi while getting a relaxing massage.

Well, they should have sensed something fishy in that.

***

They’re going hiking. Yup. That’s what’s happening. Apparently, Enji wants to spend time with them after letting them enjoy themselves for a while. There’s nothing better than climbing up rocks and spending the night in the woods for that. If that’s his way of repairing his relationship with the kids, Hawks can already confirm it’s awful.

They’re all scowling, having been woken up early in the morning and forced to pack their things and go outside. It would be funny if only Hawks wasn’t involved.

They’re all half-asleep on their feet, waiting for a car to pick them up and drive them to the place their hike will begin at. No one is talking to each other and Natsuo keeps fuming in his father’s direction.

Hawks fucking hates that dude. This trip only gives him more reasons. He makes his children do the things he wants to do. Has he asked at least a single one of them about what they’d like to do? Of course not. It seems that only his needs matter. He doesn’t care about their opinion. If he did, he wouldn’t have organised this whole vacation in the first place.

“Your hair looks like a bird's nest,” Dabi mutters into his ear, his fingers tugging at the strands of Hawks’ hair.

Hawks looks at him, squinting. “Right back at you.”

Dabi grins lazily, closing his eyes. “We’re matching.” He tugs harder for emphasis and they hear Enji letting out a huff.

That makes Dabi go stiff and click his tongue before moving closer and locking their lips together in a sluggish kiss. Hawks hums under his breath, putting his hand on Dabi’s shoulder for support.

Considering that they will be around Dabi’s father more than necessary during their hiking trip, Hawks can probably expect more of this. He needs to start preparing mentally.

They break apart just as the car pulls up and everyone gets inside, happy to find out that no one will have to sit next to Enji as he takes up the passenger seat next to the driver.

Hawks and Dabi sit together with Natsuo settling down next to his brother all the while Fuyumi and Shouto have the back row all to themselves.

“I swear to God if you keep sucking faces I’ll jump out of the car,” Natsuo threatens, glaring at them.

“Wow, that’s homophobic,” Dabi jokes, lying his head on Hawks’ shoulder and grabbing his hand. Hawks can see him exchanging looks with his father in the rear-view mirror and he’s yet again amazed at how petty he is.

Natsuo is blind to it, looking at Dabi in bafflement. “How– What– I’m not–“

Dabi chuckles gleefully, making himself comfortable against Hawks. “I mean, it’s our safe space to show affection to each other and you have a problem with it,” Dabi reasons and Hawks decides to play along. He hums thoughtfully.

“We should call cops on you. It’s a hate crime,” he says in a grim voice making Natsuo widen his eyes and look around at other people in the car.

“I swear I’m not homophobic, please. Kiss all you want I’m–“

“It’s a joke, Natsuo,” Shouto cuts in.

Dabi and Hawks snort at Natsuo’s shocked gasp. He’s about to say something when Shouto adds, “They’re kinda right, though.”

Natsuo visibly deflates in his seat, takes a look at the couple next to him and much to their amusement, just waves his hand dismissively, turning to the side to look out of the window.

After that exchange, the ride to their destination is quiet, save for some snores. Most of them fall asleep approximately five minutes into the trip. Hawks is one of the unlucky ones who stay awake alongside Dabi’s father and the driver, his morning coffee kicking in.

He’s aware of the glances that are sent his way. He’s tense for the next thirty minutes as Enji keeps scrutinising him and Hawks pretends not to notice. His hand is still loosely held by Dabi and he takes a bit of comfort in this, being careful not to move so Dabi’s head won’t fall off his shoulder.

He releases a sigh of relief once the car finally stops and the siblings wake up, grumpier than before.

Dabi groans, nuzzling into the sleeve of Hawks’ t-shirt and he has to steer him out of the car seeing how he shows no indication of getting out of there himself.

They take their things out and watch longingly as the car drives away.

Hawks turns around after a few seconds pass and nearly gets a whiplash. There’s a shitton of rocks they will have to climb to get to their resting site. That’s his conclusion. He drags a hand over his tired face and puts his sunglasses on, adjusting the backpack on his shoulders.

He notices that Enji has already left and begun the hike, leaving them slightly behind. Maybe that’s for the better.

“I wish I had never come,” Natsuo grumbles, starting his walk as well. Fuyumi and Shouto soon follow after him and then it’s only Hawks and Dabi left, the latter pretty much still barely conscious.

Hawks glances at him and nudges him in the ribs. “Let’s go.”

Dabi sniffs, his eyes nearly closed. He makes grabby hands at Hawks. “Carry me?” he mumbles and gets a snort in response.

“No,” Hawks breathes out, grabbing his wrist and dragging him forward.

He’s never been cut out for sports. Throughout many years, he’s tried a lot of things but life has proven time and time again it just wasn’t for him. He’s mediocre at some activities – like swimming for example. And sure, maybe hiking is pretty pleasant. After all, all the person does is walk and admire the views. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Well, the first three hours aren’t awful at all. Hawks listens to some music, takes pictures and enjoys himself, careful not to sprain his ankle on the rocks. But then the heat starts being a little bitch and as they near the fourth hour of their walk, his muscles aren’t all that happy about it. His breaths become shorter and more uneven. They’re also walking up higher and higher so he has to put more effort than before.

No one aside from Enji Todoroki is in their greatest shape as well, panting and grunting. The man looks unbothered, unlike his children and Hawks.

Hawks wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his palm, frowning at the sticky feeling. He takes one of his earbuds out and says, to no one in particular, “How long before we have a break?”

“Only weak people take breaks,” Enji replies to him and throws a mocking glance over his shoulder at him. “You shouldn’t have come if you can’t withstand it.” He then proceeds to pick up his pace.

It’s the first time the man has addressed him directly since this entire vacation has started and Hawks would rather go without it happening.

Shouto is burning holes with his eyes in the back of his father’s head, baring his teeth.

Then there’s a loud thud coming from behind and they all stop and turn around just to see Dabi lying on the ground.

“Well, I’m weak and I’m taking a fucking break,” he mutters, looking towards Hawks and patting the space next to him. He doesn’t need more convincing as he walks up to his best friend and plops down next to him, heaving out a sigh.

Enji clicks his tongue in disdain and continues his walk.

Natsuo and Shouto look after him, at each other and then shrugging, also sit down. The only one who hesitates is Fuyumi, looking torn.

“Fucking sit, Fuyumi. It’s not like he will suddenly love you if you follow him,” Natsuo says, louder than necessary and they all see how Enji’s back goes rigid at his words before he disappears out of their sight.

“But what if we can’t find the way to the site?” Fuyumi asks, worrying her lower lip with her teeth.

Hawks leans his back against Dabi’s side, letting the rest solve this problem. He closes his eyes and exhales slowly.

Then, he feels fingers carding through his hair, pushing it away from his face. Dabi’s hand is trembling a bit, probably from exhaustion. The gesture is sweet and Hawks feels his heart flutter the longer Dabi doesn’t take his hand away.

“I’m not sure I can walk anymore. We could just camp here,” Dabi murmurs, stroking Hawks’ hair gently.

“That’s what you get from junk food and spending hours playing games with Shigaraki,” Hawks replies, leaning into the touch. Dabi flicks him in the forehead teasingly before going back to the task at hand.

“We can’t all have your stamina, can we?”

Hawks cackles under his breath. “Your father must be surprised you’re giving up here when you were having sex with me for so long recently,” he whispers so only Dabi can hear him. He decides to tune the siblings out even though they could be discussing something important. The banter with Dabi is much more appealing.

“You exhausted me, that’s why I can’t walk any further. It’s all your fault,” Dabi says in mock offence, grabbing a handful of Hawks hair and pulls at it playfully. Hawks ignores how it makes him shiver.

“Yeah, I sucked all the energy out of you,” he teases back, pushing his weight against Dabi and making him groan.

“The best head in my life and now I’m a disappointment to my father,” Dabi muses wistfully, making Hawks let out an ugly snort.

“I didn’t have to suck your dick for that.”

“But it would be a pleasant addition.”

God, that’s the worst. When they’re jokingly flirting with each other and Dabi goes with his woulds and whatnot. Like no, don’t talk about it as if it’s a real possibility. Hawks knows it isn’t. It also always leaves him confused and wondering. Would Dabi be up for some fun if it came to it? Logically, Hawks understands it wouldn’t be good for his heart but God. The temptation to put his hand on Dabi’s thigh and turn their suggestive bickering to something more is there and he can’t squash it.

He’s always been scared of rejection, though. Even the physical one. He doesn’t need to be verbally told he’s unfuckable for Dabi.

“Hey, lovebirds, if you’re done with this, we should get going,” Natsuo announces, snapping Hawks out of his haze. He jumps as if he was burnt, moving away from Dabi and when he catches puzzlement in his eyes, he curses himself for being so obvious.

Hawks stands up and reaches a hand out to help Dabi. Once everyone is on their feet and have drunk some water, they continue their hike.

Ten minutes in, Dabi is whining and draping himself over Hawks’ shoulders, slowing them both down.

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” Hawks mutters, sharing an exasperated look with Fuyumi when Dabi doesn’t let go of him.

They’ve picked up their pace so they wouldn’t be left too far behind and after a couple of minutes, they noticed Enji’s silhouette in the distance. They haven’t lost sight of him yet, but if Dabi keeps being a baby they might so again.

“My legs hurt,” Dabi complains.

“Everyone’s legs hurt,” Shouto deadpans.

“But I’m old,” Dabi retorts.

Hawks shakes his head and stops, making Dabi stumble against him. “Get on,” he says, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

“What?”

“Get on. I’ll carry you to the site so you shut up.” Hawks readjusts his backpack to his front and gestures at his back.

“Are you sure?” Dabi asks, uncertain as the siblings once again pause, sighing in annoyance.

“Did I stutter?” Hawks asks coldly. That must do the trick as Dabi’s arms come around his neck and he jumps up. Hawks catches him under thighs just in time and digging his fingers into the muscles, starts walking forward.

His breathing is heavy, but thankfully Dabi is pretty much just a sack of bones so he figures out that he will manage. Supposing they don’t have to march for yet another four hours.

“You’re the best boyfriend I could ever have,” Dabi purrs into his ear after they all get back on their track, fanning Hawks’ skin with his breath. Hawks almost drops him there and then, feeling the warmth creeping up his neck. Dabi’s got the nerve.

“I will kill you,” Hawks says under his breath, glaring at the path in front of him.

As it turns out, they don’t have to walk that much longer. Which doesn’t change the fact that the last part of the hike is worse than all the walking they've done before. Hawks hasn’t thought it through when he offered Dabi the piggyback ride. He hasn’t considered how Dabi would squeeze him around the middle with his legs once in a while or how he would whisper some shit, making goosebumps break out over Hawks’ skin. He definitely hasn’t taken into the account the proximity and all the unnecessary touching. It makes him more flustered than all the kisses they’ve shared combined.

So when they get to their camping site, he unceremoniously lets go of Dabi’s legs and moves away. Angry at himself and his dumb ideas.

***

Hawks hates nature. He can’t stand the bugs, feeling dirty all the time and not having a comfortable place to sit. By all means, he loves looking at pictures of beautiful landscapes and watching birds has always helped him with anxiety but when it comes to actually being outside he’d rather not. And that’s what he’s reminded of when he tries to set up a tent with Dabi and it takes them around an hour, has to take care of his business in the bushes and the only place he can freshen up is a lake nearby. He’s already daydreaming about marching back tomorrow and being back in the resort, in a clean and soft bed.

He isn’t quiet about his feelings which must be oh, so fucking funny for Dabi as he keeps laughing at him and leaving kisses all over him when he knows Enji is watching. Which feels like his words aren’t taken seriously even though they should be.

All in all, Hawks is a bit irritated and his skin is itchy. There are mosquitos relentlessly trying to get him, no matter how many times he swats them away. Thankfully, everyone’s boomed about the turn of events so it’s not like he’s some kind of party pooper. They all empathise with each other.

***

He’s sitting on a log, watching Shouto and Natsuo trying to start a fire so they can make something to eat. Fuyumi is gathering the wood with Dabi. Enji has thankfully gone to rest in his tent. After all, there are certain limits to his strength.

Natsuo keeps cursing under his breath as he fails yet again all the while Shouto is hitting rocks against each other, boredom painted all over his face.

“You’re going to be so sore from carrying that bastard,” Natsuo says as he slumps down on the ground, defeated.

Hawks shrugs, shuffling his feet back and forth. “I couldn’t leave him to death there.”

“You spoil him too much,” Shouto says, not bothering to look up.

“God, imagine if you two broke up, he’d be like a helpless baby.” Natsuo sits up, letting his gaze trail over to Hawks.

Hawks straightens up, suddenly hit with what Natsuo’s said. He’s agreed to this stunt but they’ve never discussed any details and now not only Dabi’s family think they’re dating, but also the media. How are they going to solve this? And carry on with their lives the way it was before? Do they continue lying to everyone? Hawks will feel bad about Dabi’s siblings being fooled by them, especially considering how nice and accepting of him they’ve been. He needs a plan, he can’t just blindly follow Dabi through this when things are so easy to get out of control.

Just as the first sparks of the fire start flying up from Shouto’s rocks, Dabi and Fuyumi arrive. Natsuo is looking at his younger brother in betrayal, but Shouto pays him no mind.

“What’re you doing?” Dabi asks, looking over them expectantly.

“Talking shit about you,” Shouto replies, the fire illuminating his face.

Dabi shakes his head and drops the wood on the ground. He sits down next to Hawks and pretends he’s going to extinguish Shouto’s fire, making him frown in annoyance. He cackles loudly and presses himself against Hawks’ side, his eyes closed.

Hawks lets himself lean into the touch.

***

The meal they have is interesting. To say the least.

It’s pleasant and casual up until Enji emerges from his tent and joins them, making everyone go silent in an instant.

They cook their sausages without looking at one another and when the right time to eat comes, each one of them is engrossed in their own plastic plate. It’s as if every time the man appears, all of the happiness simply vanishes. Hawks can’t imagine this being enjoyable for any of the parties involved and wonders why exactly Enji decided to organise this outing in the first place.

Hiking and camping is fun but only with the people that like each other.

Hawks is just finishing his portion up, his cheeks stuffed, when someone speaks.

“How long have you been dating?” Shouto asks, his eyes scanning Hawks and Dabi’s faces in curiosity.

The question catches them off guard. It’s something they haven’t discussed before and once again Hawks realises they truly didn’t plan well for this. He catches Dabi’s eye and swallows before glancing back at Shouto.

He says, “One month,” in the same breath as Dabi utters, “Three months.”

They both still. Hawks feels the rest starting to watch them as well. Shouto tilts his head to the side in confusion. Hawks doesn’t even have to look at Dabi to know they’re both fucked. But Hawks hasn’t lied for most of his life about many, many things not to be able to recover now. He clears his throat and lets out a nervous chuckle.

“You see, we’ve been going out for three months,” he says, weighing his words carefully. He licks his lower lip with the tip of his tongue. “But we made it official around a month ago.” God, he hopes they buy it. The timing couldn’t be worse because sure, they could handle having their cover blown with the siblings but Dabi would be crushed if all of this went down in front of his father.

Speaking of which, Enji lets out a particularly ugly snort, drowning Shouto’s thoughtful hum out.

“Touya, I do hope that you will soon end this silly affair of yours and stop flaunting it in the public. We have a reputation to uphold and I don’t consider it being special enough for you to continue it,” the man says, his tone mocking.

“Oh my God, have you all heard anything? I think there’s a bug flying near my ear,” Dabi says, shaking his head dramatically.

“Are you going to school? Or already working?” Fuyumi asks, probably to avoid any more dangerous confrontations between her brother and father.

“I study literature,” Hawks replies, shrugging because he knows it’s not much. Sure, it’s something he greatly enjoys, having always loved to escape into different universes, but he’s well aware it’s nothing ambitious.

Enji’s huff only proves him right of it.

“Not only is it a man, a nobody but also doesn’t have a future? You truly bring disgrace to your name, Touya,” the man mutters and it’s not easy to rile Hawks up, it’s not. He shares a room with Dabi, he’s spent enough time with his insufferable friends to grow immune, but he can’t handle being constantly looked down on or insulted. Not by people like Enji Todoroki.

Hawks lets out a dry laugh. “Well, at least I will have a degree,” he says, staring at his food. Hoping he had enough courage to face the man straight on. “No offence,” he adds sheepishly, looking towards Dabi.

“None taken, you’re right.” Dabi shrugs casually.

One could say that Hawks’ words were a tad mean, but they wouldn’t know much about Dabi’s approach to that kind of topics then.

Dabi’s never sought higher education. Not only to piss his father off and become a disappointment, as he’s always liked to mention, but also because he genuinely wouldn’t know what to study and if he chose something random, it would be a waste of time. He could be capable of many things, but he’s simply uninterested. He enjoys working in a convenience store and having close to no responsibilities. As long as he pays half of the rent for their room and is happy with his choices, Hawks couldn’t care less.

At the very least, he effectively shuts Enji up with it and the conversation is over. It’s good since he’s still afraid of the man and he’d rather avoid any direct interactions with him. His sole presence is stressful enough.

Hawks is a bit stuck in his brain and maybe that’s why he doesn’t notice Dabi inching closer to him before it’s too late and his chin is tipped up. His yelp of surprise is muffled by Dabi’s lips and he lets himself be guided, his eyes fluttering closed.

The kiss is languid, fogging all of Hawks’ thoughts and making him focus only on how Dabi is making him feel. All of his senses are lost to the sensation of his lips, going crazy when one of Dabi’s hands travels to Hawks’ hip and squeezes.

He knows why Dabi is doing it and how they’re making everyone around uncomfortable, but he can’t find it in himself to pull away. And then the worst and most unexpected happens; Dabi licks into his mouth as if asking for an invitation and Hawks’ mind goes blank.

He isn’t thinking when he opens his lips or when he feels Dabi’s tongue piercing brushing the roof of his mouth.

His pulse speeds up and the temperature grows unbearably hotter. He hums, relishing in the sensation, completely overwhelmed by Dabi’s lips and hands.

If their first kiss was nothing special, this one is only a proof of how practice makes it better because Hawks isn’t sure he’s ever been kissed like this before.

It ends way too soon and while Dabi goes back to eating as if nothing happened, the only indication that they kissed being his flushed face, Hawks, on the other hand, stays frozen in place for a good minute. His breaths come out harshly and he can’t hear anything aside from the erratic beating of his heart.

Hawks comes back to himself when Natsuo and Dabi start talking about something. He darts his eyes away and sits upright. It’s just his luck that he meets Shouto’s gaze. Their eye contact is brief as Hawks looks to the side almost in an instant, but it leaves Hawks feeling uneasy. He cards his fingers through his hair to find out that his hand is trembling.

He might need a second or two to get a hold of himself.

***

He might have needed more and he isn’t sure he’s fully okay yet. Hawks is already in the tent, having excused himself some time ago to go and spam Rumi just to realise he’s got no signal here. That’s fine, she will get the messages documenting his complete breakdown the next day. It’s not like they will be very outdated.

Hawks is lying down, staring up and watching how the wind outside is slightly moving the tent’s walls. It’s a bit comforting. He can focus on this and not on the fact that he fully made out with Dabi as opposed to their mainly innocent kisses before.

And in front of his siblings, oh God. Hawks drags both of his hands down his face, stifling a loud groan. He’s about to agonise some more but then he hears voices and steps nearing the tent. Hawks isn’t the one to eavesdrop, but no one can blame him for just happening to hear things when he’s right there.

“How’s mom?” Dabi asks, his voice quiet.

“She’s doing better. Much better,” Fuyumi replies. “She and Shouto have moved into a very nice place. You should visit.” She’s not making an off-hand suggestion, she sounds eager to convince him.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.” Nonchalant. As always.

“Bring Hawks,” Fuyumi teases and going by the silence that follows, Hawks figures out that Dabi isn’t very amused. “You should at least call her more often. She wants to know what you’re up to, you know?”

“There isn’t much to say, though. My life is boring.”

“You’ve been in a relationship for months. That’s not boring,” Fuyumi counters, using her teacher-like voice.

“A month,” Dabi corrects her, making Hawks roll his eyes. “Anyways, goodnight. Sleep tight.”

“You too. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Dabi lets out a snicker after that and then he’s opening the tent’s entrance.

Hawks does everything he can do to appear unsuspicious which probably isn’t working because Dabi sees right through him the moment their eyes meet. He shakes his head and gets inside, closing the tent behind himself and lies down next to Hawks.

“How much have you heard?” Dabi asks, nudging Hawks with his foot.

“Just the bit about your mom. Fuyumi is right, you should visit her.”

Dabi brings his hands to his face and pressing the heels of them to his eyes, sighs heavily. “I’m okay disappointing my father, but I always forget that I’m not exactly the picture-perfect son for her because of it.” He puts his arms down, looking serious.

Hawks brushes a stray strand of hair away from his face. He takes his hand back when he catches himself doing it and shrugs, hoping it comes off as casual. “She doesn’t care, she loves you,” he insists.

Hawks remembers that whenever he’d meet Rei, she’d welcome him with the warmth he’d never experienced. She was genuinely interested in who his son was friends with and curious about his life. It’s stupid to latch onto the first person that showed him that kind of attention, but Hawks lost his parents young and he doesn’t have many memories from the time they spent together. Dabi’s mom became some sort of a mother figure for him.

He hasn’t seen her much since the incident with Shouto and Dabi starting his life away from his family, but he always recalls the memories of her with fondness. Another reason to despise Dabi’s father; he completely ruined his wife. Only in recent years has she been getting back on her feet. She’s reconnected with her family, got a divorce and fought for full custody of Shouto.

Hawks admires her for her strength and her will to push forward. He knows that Dabi does too.

“I’ll think about it,” Dabi replies and then rolls over to his side.

Hawks purses his lips into a tight line and then follows Dabi’s suit despite knowing that facing him might be dangerous for his health. He turns out to be right as Dabi’s proximity makes his heart speed up again. God, two weeks ago he had no such problems.

“We almost got exposed tonight,” he whispers.

Dabi frowns at him, amusement twinkling in his eyes. “Why are you whispering?”

Hawks shrugs with one shoulder. “Don’t want them to hear us.”

“Reasonable,” Dabi replies and scoots closer. His breath hits Hawks’ skin when he speaks. There’s barely any space between them now. It’s suffocating. “You saved us out there.”

“Fucking three months. Ridiculous.”

“I thought it was appropriate,” Dabi says, puzzled. Hawks shakes his head in exasperation.

“We would be more natural with each other if we were together for this long.”

He doesn’t expect Dabi’s hand trailing up his leg and when it does, his breath stutters in his throat.

“Oh, you mean this?” He squeezes. It’s obviously just teasing, he truly has no idea how much it affects Hawks. “Or this?” He lands a kiss on Hawks’ lips, making him yelp. Dabi grants him with a shit-eating grin after he moves away. “It’s your fault. I’m chill, you act like a spooked animal every time I touch you. Also, you never initiate anything. That’s even more suspicious.”

Hawks watches him for a long moment, squinting. He did initiate their first kiss, during the practice, but bringing it up would be embarrassing. Dabi is right. Every kiss they shared so far has been Dabi’s doing.

“You want me to?” he asks, his tone daring. He’s stepping into dangerous territories.

“Would be nice,” Dabi says with a nod. His hand is still resting on Hawks’ thigh, his fingers stroking his leg lazily. It’s hard to concentrate.

What if Hawks kissed him now? And then never stopped? They’re so close, their breaths mingling together. He’d only have to tip his head a bit forward for their lips to touch. He’s pretty sure that if he tried hard enough, he’d be able to hear Dabi’s heartbeat.

“How will we deal with the break-up?” he asks instead and that’s what makes Dabi take his hand away.

“Not sure yet.” He moves away and lies on his back again. Hawks misses the intimacy they’ve just shared, but he shakes the feeling off.

“You said it was only for the vacation.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like they’ll check on us in our room,” Dabi says and if Hawks didn’t know better, he’d think he sounds irritated.

“But the media–“

“We don’t have to prove anything to them. Besides, they’ll jump to their own conclusions if they find out we are living together. Just leave it for now,” he says, successfully cutting anything that Hawks wanted to say off. “It’s late, let’s sleep,” he adds, yawning for emphasis. He reaches out for his blanket.

Hawks can’t help but feel like something has shifted during their conversation, but he isn’t able to pinpoint what. Well, it’s not like he can do much now.

They exchange quiet goodnights and then Hawks turns onto his other side, his heart heavy.

***

Hawks sighs deeply and snuggles closer to the source of warmth in front of him. His arms are already wrapped around it, but he needs more so he tries to bury his face deeper, inhaling the all too familiar scent. It takes a moment for his brain to catch up as to why exactly he knows the smell and then his eyes flutter open.

He stills instantly upon realising what – or rather who – he’s been clutching onto.

They’re spooning. He is spooning Dabi. They’re both under Dabi’s blanket.

Hawks’ breathing quickens. He’s got his legs tangled with Dabi’s and his arms wrapped around his middle, now extremely stiff. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do and then Dabi wiggles closer to him, making a soft noise in his sleep.

How exactly is he going to explain this to Dabi once he wakes up? Maybe he should pretend to be asleep and let Dabi deal with it. That would save him a lot of trouble.

Hawks is about to move away from Dabi but when he tries to pull his arm away, Dabi grabs it. He nuzzles up against it, letting out a weak whine.

“Dabi?” Hawks whispers, but gets no response in return.

Great. Just. Absolutely. Amazing.

Hawks slumps against him and tries to clear his mind. Not so long ago, if that happened, he’d kick Dabi in the shins and then leave. But it was before Dabi sent him back to being deep in his feelings.

But Dabi doesn’t know that. For him, nothing has changed and Hawks should put his emotions aside and pretend that all is the same. For his own sake.

He closes his eyes, takes a loud breath and says, “Wake up, idiot, my arm is about to fall asleep.”

It’s not but Dabi doesn’t need to know that.

Dabi groans. “Fuck you,” he slurs groggily.

Hawks thinks that Dabi will untangle himself now, maybe curse some more, but much to his surprise, Dabi turns around, squinty-eyed and wraps his arms around Hawks, snuggling close to his chest. “’m sleepin’.” And then he squeezes around Hawks. Just to kill him some more.

Hawks supposes that solves the issue. Just some platonic spooning with his best friend. Nothing he can’t handle.

***

Thanks to Dabi, their morning isn’t awkward the way Hawks imagined it to be. Dabi doesn’t really acknowledge the way they slept so Hawks decides to let it go, despite the butterflies in his stomach. He’d very much like to beat them down.

They freshen up in the lake and after that, they join the rest during breakfast. There isn’t much else to do and Natsuo complains that this whole thing was rather unnecessary. Hawks agrees, especially when he thinks of his aching muscles, but doesn’t say anything out loud.

All it did was make him feel even more lovesick.

After they are finished with food, they pack their things and start their march back.

If this family was normal, perhaps the trip would be pleasant, there’d be happy chatters and some camping activities. But all that happened here was awkwardness. And everyone wanted to go back to their resort the moment they had stepped out of it. It would be pathetic if only it wasn’t so sad.

Deep in thought, he doesn’t notice Dabi slotting their palms together. He only blinks in surprise. Dabi doesn’t spare him a glance and maybe it’s better this way. He’s pretty sure it’s another gesture for the act, but for a moment he can imagine that Dabi just wanted to hold his hand. Not even romantically, but for some closeness.

Dabi’s palms are rough, calloused yet Hawks still adores them and seeks their touch out whenever possible. There’s always something comforting in the way Dabi holds him. And it’s no different this time. So even when Hawks’ hand turns sweaty, he doesn’t let go. He’s never been good at letting go.

***

It happens suddenly. One moment Natsuo is teasing Fuyumi about something and Dabi is tugging Hawks forward and the next they hear a loud cry. All of them stop in their tracks, even Enji who’s separated himself from the group at the very beginning.

They turn their heads just to see Shouto sprawled out on the ground. He’s lying among sharp rocks and much to Hawks’ horror, there’s blood coming out of an ugly wound on his calf.

Hawks looks around. The siblings are frozen in place, watching the scene with wide eyes. Unmoving and terrified.

Enji appears close to Shouto, but the boy inches away with a sob and it’s all Hawks needs to get into motion.

“Fuyumi, give me the first aid kit,” he commends. It takes her a moment to realise she’s been addressed and then she does as she was told, almost in trance.

Hawks grabs the first aid kit from her, drops his backpack on the ground and approaches Shouto slowly, with his hands raised high.

From the looks of it, the wound is deep, jagged around the edges.

Hawks crouches next to Shouto and puts a calming hand on his uninjured leg. The boy seems to be on the verge of a panic attack, his eyes glossed over and breaths shaky. Hawks thinks it’s more from the past mental damage than from the cut itself.

“First, we need to calm you down,” he says, maintaining eye contact with the boy. He goes through a breathing exercise that helped him a lot in the past, checking Shouto’s pulse now and then. The boy is trembling, but after a few minutes, he’s in much better shape than before.

Only when he’s made sure that Shouto won’t break, does Hawks turn his head to the still paralysed siblings and asks them for a bottle of water. Dabi nearly stumbles over his own feet while he hands it over.

Hawks proceeds to pour the water over the wound, to get rid of any dirt.

Once the bleeding is stopped, he examines the leg with a thoughtful hum.

“I think you need stitches,” he states, gazing up at Shouto. “I could stitch you up, just so it doesn’t reopen until you get a doctor to see it. But it’s your choice.”

Shouto’s voice cracks when he asks, “You can do it?”

Hawks nods, his brows drawn together. He throws a glance at Dabi, who is standing nearby and then looks back at Shouto, a resigned smile on his face.

He learned how to stitch wounds when Dabi’s cuts got deeper and were left untreated. He couldn’t stop Dabi from being reckless, but the least he could do was offer him help. Since he was always stubborn and would rather bleed out than go to a doctor himself.

“Okay,” Shouto breathes out.

“You want me to?” Hawks gestures vaguely at Shouto’s leg and gets an airy ‘yes’ in return.

Stitching someone up is always unpleasant for both parties involved, but Hawks’ brain turns off for most of it and he does it mechanically. It’s been a while since he had to do it to Dabi, thank heavens, but he’s not as rusty as he thought he’d be. Instead of hissing in pain, Shouto watches the whole process with mild curiosity.

When the cut is closed up, disinfected and has gauze wrapped around it safely, Hawks wastes another bottle of water to scrub his hands clean off the blood and then pats Shouto on the back with a grin.

“Can you stand up?” he asks, reaching a hand out. Shouto takes a loud breath, but before he can do anything, Natsuo comes over.

“I’ll carry you to the car,” he offers and then, looking shyly towards Hawks, adds, “Thanks, we were all useless back there.”

Hawks waves him off dismissively, packing the first aid kit up. “It’s alright,” he says reassuringly.

Soon after, they start walking again and Hawks mulls over the fact how all of them froze at the sight of Shouto. How speechless and frightened they became in a second. It weighs heavily on him, but there’s nothing he can do to make it better. He feels helpless.

Dabi is walking right next to him, their shoulders and hands brushing every few seconds. His eyes are downcast and the corners of his lips pulled down. He catches Hawks’ watching him and his frown only deepens.

Hawks looks away a second too late.

“Thank you,” Dabi murmurs.

“Don’t mention it,” Hawks replies, bumping his shoulder against Dabi’s. Dabi doesn’t add anything more, once again looking thoughtful and normally, Hawks would pester him so they’d talk, but this time he doesn’t press. He doesn’t think it’s needed in this situation.

The rest of the walk back down passes by definitely faster than the one from the day before. Hawks thinks it’s perhaps because he knows where he’s going. It doesn’t mean they aren’t bone-tired when they eventually reach the place they were dropped off at, though. Hawks is sweating like crazy and might be feeling a bit dizzy despite having stopped for breaks more than once. He’s spent, his muscles are aching and he cannot wait to soak for an hour under the shower back in the resort.

Maybe he will even make it two.

They crawl into the car, letting out groans and moans of pain. Hawks notices the driver sending them pitiful looks and narrows his eyes at him. Hawks would look smug too, if he didn’t feel like he’d been dragged through the mud, thank you very much.

Once settled in the car, he pulls his phone out and lo and behold, finally, his cell signal is back.

Fuck, it's back and all of the messages he typed out in the heat of the moment to Rumi are being sent all at once. He tucks his phone back into his pocket, hoping she won’t come up with a brilliant idea to call him now.

He leans back against his seat and catches his reflection in the rear-view mirror. Hawks frowns. He looks disgusting. Absolutely gross.

“What are you looking so ugly for?” Dabi asks, poking him in the side. Hawks jumps and elbows him in the ribs which results in a half-assed wrestling match. With Hawks winning.

He’s pinning Dabi down, ignoring the way the seatbelt is cutting into his neck. It surely isn’t the safest way to be in the car.

Natsuo must be glad he’s sitting next to Fuyumi and Shouto today.

“Who’s ugly now?” Hawks asks, smirking when he feels Dabi slowly giving up under his strength.

“Still you,” Dabi retorts, the corners of his lips twitching up.

Hawks clicks his tongue and then remembers Dabi’s words from the night before.

He chuckles under his breath and then lowers himself to the point their chests are touching. He kisses Dabi open-mouthed. Dabi tenses underneath him and lets out a surprised noise. Not so natural when caught off guard, huh?

Dabi recollects himself rather quickly, though and soon enough abandons struggling against Hawks in order to bury his fingers in Hawks’ hair, ruining it more than it already was. Hawks doesn’t have control over the kiss for much longer and Dabi must be aware of that because he starts grinning into the kiss. Bastard.

Hawks places his hands over Dabi’s shoulders and then slowly slides them down, feeling Dabi’s scars under his fingertips. He stops at his biceps and then moves his fingers to Dabi’s chest, rubbing his palms over it, letting one slide further down while the other stays over Dabi’s collarbone. It’s when Hawks’ fingers reach the hem of Dabi’s shirt and start teasing it that Dabi licks into his mouth greedily. As opposed to the day before, Hawks pulls away, flushed. He doesn’t move too far, their noses are still brushing when they dazedly stare at each other.

Dabi swipes his tongue over his lower lip and Hawks’ eyes follow the movement.

“Do you want me not to?” Dabi whispers against Hawks’ lips.

Does he? The answer is simple.

“No,” he mouths back, diving into another kiss. The heat is unbearable but it’s nothing in comparison to Dabi’s taste on his tongue. It’s driving Hawks crazy. Dabi’s lip piercings are only adding up to it and he wants more. Selfishly so.

He lets his fingers slip under the material of Dabi’s shirt and touch the skin under. Dabi stutters a breath out and Hawks swallows it, letting his hand wander up to Dabi’s ribs and trace patterns over it. They’re probably making many embarrassing noises, but Hawks can’t stop. Not when Dabi is letting him.

Then, Hawks' head hits something hard and he’s no longer on top of Dabi. He rubs at the back of his head, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He scowls in the driver’s direction.

The man shrugs. “Sorry, red light.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all. “Better sit normally,” he adds as an afterthought.

Hawks does, but not before glancing at Dabi. He looks completely wrecked, his lips swollen and shirt crumpled. There are blotches of red all over his skin and he almost seems shy when he gazes back at Hawks.

Hawks can’t quite process what they’ve just done. So he sits back like he was supposed to, his thigh pressing against Dabi’s, and breathes out.

That might have been the best part out of this whole hiking trip.

***

Shouto doesn’t want to see the doctor despite everyone telling him to. Even his mom scolds him through the phone. Hawks thinks that stubbornness runs in the family.

They let him have it, though not eagerly and part their ways once they reach their floor, too tired for anything else but sleep.

No one has commented on the little show Dabi and Hawks put on in the car, but Hawks could feel Enji’s glare burning holes in the side of his face. It didn’t make him satisfied. Not at all. Nuh-uh.

Hawks honest to God feels like crying when they step back into their room. He drops his backpack unceremoniously on the floor and not wasting any more time, runs into the bathroom.

“You could at least let me piss,” Dabi mumbles after him, but Hawks is too busy undressing himself to care.

Since he isn’t a monster, Hawks calls out to Dabi to use the toilet if he wants to and then disappears in the shower cabin. He lets out a loud moan when the water hits his skin. It’s a blessing to his tense and aching muscles.

He does register Dabi coming in, using the toilet and probably washing his face, but he doesn’t pay much mind to it. He doesn’t even know when Dabi leaves. It’s like nothing else exists. Just him and the sensation of water undoing all of the knots in his spine.

Hawks is never going camping again. He’s a city boy and that’s enough. He will take a walk around his block and then to his favourite café if he feels like hiking.

When he exits the shower after a very long time, it’s like he’s been born again. He’s breathing better than ever and his body feels soft.

Hawks goes back to the room and looks over to the bed. Dabi is snoring lightly, curled up around his blanket. The sight is adorable. It’s not a word he’d usually use to describe Dabi, but he can’t help himself this time.

He puts on a pair of briefs and a loose t-shirt before hopping into the bed, careful not to disturb Dabi. He watches him for a moment with a content smile, lying on his side. He feels his eyelids becoming heavier with each passing second so he decides to call it a day.

Softly, Hawks pecks Dabi on his forehead and lays back onto his pillow.

When he wakes up in the morning, Dabi is yet again snuggled up against him. This time, he doesn’t even try to pull away.

***

“The noise I made when I read ‘he put it in’. I swear to God, Hawks you need to be more specific,” Rumi says mockingly.

Hawks sighs, rolling over on his side. He’s alone in the room as Dabi has gone with Natsuo to look around the place they are staying at. He’s grateful for having some time for himself. He can whine to Rumi without anyone disturbing him.

“Forgive me, I was a little shaken up,” he replies, pouting. “We made out yesterday.” He still can’t believe how far they went. It must have been exhaustion.

“And?”

“And I’m completely fucked, Rumi,” Hawks mumbles tiredly. He tries not to think too hard about all of it because he knows he won’t be able to come back, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s utterly doomed. “We’ve been cuddling in sleep. I’m not sure how much of it I can handle.”

Hawks promised to himself that he wouldn’t hurt himself in the process but it may be a promise he won’t be able to keep. He must have overestimated himself and his resolve.

“There are only a few days left. After that, you’re going back to uni soon. You won’t have time to think about it,” she reassures him.

“I will always find time to do something unnecessary,” he says, his tone self-deprecating. The truth is, Hawks is far too deep. Dabi won’t leave his mind so easily now. Especially since they share a room. He can’t even distance himself.

The next few months will be a painful affair for Hawks.

“I don’t know what to say to make you feel better.”

“Just say ‘I told you so’ so we can get it over with.” He must be a pathetic sight to witness.

“It won’t bring me much satisfaction, though,” Rumi admits and how sweet of her. At least Hawks can drown in self-pity without other people kicking him in the gut at the same time. “Do you know what you need?”

“Hm?”

“To get laid.” She sounds so confident that Hawks has no heart to tell her that it would only make him feel worse. That it always has.

“I’m a taken man at the moment, not sure I can,” Hawks says, his voice devoid of any humour.

Rumi snorts. “Wow, how boring of you. You know–“

Dabi comes into the room with no subtlety, making Hawks flinch on the bed. He looks towards him wide-eyed, tuning out whatever Rumi is saying.

There’s an absurd fear in him that Dabi will know what they’re talking about just from seeing him and he swallows, clutching the phone close to his ear.

“Hawks, are you there?” Rumi asks in confusion.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m listening,” he answers breathlessly, bringing Dabi’s attention to himself.

Dabi nods at him and Hawks waves at him weakly.

“So as I was saying, you should start dating again.” Hawks frowns. Is she really suggesting that?

“Are you serious? I’m not sure that would be a good idea,” he says, panicking when he notices Dabi coming closer to the bed.

“Is that Rumi?” he shout-whispers. Hawks makes a noise of confirmation all the while Rumi keeps blabbering about him getting himself out there and meeting new people.

Dabi gets on the bed and slides close to Hawks, watching him with interest.

Hawks definitely doesn’t want him to hear a single word leaving Rumi’s mouth so he simply says, “You know what? I’ll call you back later. Bye.”

He hangs up, not waiting for a reply. Well, it is a bit rude but Rumi will understand once he explains it to her.

Dabi wiggles his eyebrows. “Having secrets, aren’t we?” And there it is, the smirk that makes Hawks weak in the knees.

He clears his throat, shifting slightly away from Dabi. “You’re back early,” he states simply. The sudden change of topic doesn’t go unnoticed as Dabi looks at him quizzically.

“Yeah.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “We’re going to the pool. You coming?”

“Sure,” Hawks replies in a stilted tone. God, Dabi knows he’s hiding something from him now and it’s the worst. Why can’t Hawks just be casual about things like this?

He’s truly a disaster. The past Hawks was much better at pretending everything was alright. He should take notes.

***

Hawks is making some lazy rounds around the pool after everyone else has already left. They weren’t disturbed by Enji’s presence today which resulted in plenty of fun. They raced each other, played some games and overall acted as a family for once. Hawks was a background addition, watching Dabi, Fuyumi and Natsuo together. Shouto didn’t want to get in the water because of his leg, but he stayed around nevertheless, often judging his siblings’ efforts and poking fun at whoever lost the race.

The trip might be terrible on many levels because of their father, but Hawks can’t deny the fact that spending so much time with his siblings, will do a lot good to Dabi. He hasn’t seen him laugh so much in a very long time.

Hawks decided to stay behind after they’ve all decided to get some rest. He wanted to let them spend some more time with each other, but that’s only half true. Mostly, he just needs to clear his mind without anyone around. And since the pool he’s in is pretty much secluded, there’s no other place for him to go.

The water is calming.

He’s been trying not to think about what Rumi told him and how absolutely ridiculous it is. He can’t imagine dating anyone when his heart is back to being giddy at anything Dabi does. He had done it in the past. And hurting people doesn’t make him happy anymore. It didn’t in the first place.

It’s better to wait things out instead of forcing himself to love someone else.

“Nice wings,” someone says from behind him, appraising.

Hawks turns around, a bit surprised, and flushes when he sees a rather handsome man standing at the edge of the pool, looking directly at him with a small smile playing on his full lips. He’s muscular, tall with short hair, his skin unblemished. Nothing like Dabi.

Hawks knows he shouldn’t, but the need for validation is stronger and he swims closer. He can tell when he’s flirted with and the look on the guy’s face is pretty transparent.

“Oh, are they?” Hawks draws out. The man raises his brow at him and smirks.

“Yeah. But their owner is even better to look at.” Smooth fucker.

Hawks bats his eyelashes theatrically, making the guy chuckle. “By all means, please continue,” he says, feeling himself grin.

Logical thinking always loses when someone gives him attention.

“Isn’t someone full of himself?” the man teases, but there’s no malice in his voice.

Hawks swims towards the wall and once there, puts his forearms right by his feet.

“Maybe a bit,” Hawks replies, tilting his head to the side. The guy crouches down next to him, so Hawks doesn’t have to crane his neck just to look up at him. “Unless you wanted to ask for the tattoo artist’s info,” Hawks adds with a wink.

“As long as you are that tattoo artist,” the man replies and bites down on his bottom lip.

Hawks opens his mouth to reply, but something on the guy’s face changes as he looks over Hawks’ shoulder. He widens the gap between them.

Hawks doesn’t have to wait long to know what exactly made the guy retaliate so suddenly.

“Here you are,” Dabi croons close to his ear.

Hawks stills when he feels fingers creeping up his sides and lets out a nervous chuckle.

“Who is that?” Dabi asks, either not realising the tension or enjoying it greatly.

The guy stands up awkwardly. “Just passing by. See you around,” he says, nodding at Hawks. He’s gone a few seconds later and isn’t it smart. He read the mood and knew how to remove himself immediately.

Or Dabi glared at him. He’s great at it.

Hawks turns around to face him, making Dabi’s hands leave his skin.

“I thought you left.”

Dabi looks at him in bafflement and then lets out a humourless laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot it was your time to hit on random people.”

Hawks rolls his eyes. “You’re overreacting. I was just talking.”

“I’m overreacting? Shouto is literally there.” His eyes wander behind Hawks for a moment. “Fuyumi and Natsuo are walking around as well.”

Well, how was he supposed to know they have come back?

“And someone would have to be an idiot to think you were just talking.” Dabi inches closer to him. “Do you have any idea how humiliating it would be if they thought you are ready to cheat on me any minute?” he asks in a small voice. He’s looking away from Hawks. “What if my father found out? He’d never let me live this down.”

Ah. Well, fair enough. Hawks didn’t think it through. He just saw an opportunity to make himself feel better and didn’t look back.

He raises his right hand and places his fingers on Dabi’s jaw. He strokes his skin gently.

“Has Shouto seen it?”

Dabi shakes his head and a moment later, a devilish smirk appears on his face.

“But he will see this,” he says under his breath and Hawks drops his hand. It makes a splashy noise when it hits the surface of the water.

The distance between them is impossibly small and before he knows it, Hawks’ back is pressed against the wall behind him. Dabi licks his lips, making Hawks gulp.

There’s something predatory in the way he’s watching Hawks, but not coming closer. Challenging Hawks to be the first to move.

Hawks puts his palms flat against Dabi’s chest, tracing the patters of his tattoos with his fingertips and then closes the gap between their lips in one, swift motion.

He kisses Dabi like he’s starving, dragging his nails down his skin and making him breathe heavily. He turns them over so Dabi is the caged one and groans. It’s good to be in control. Completely intoxicating. Hawks bites down on Dabi’s lip and smooths it over with his tongue. He leaves Dabi’s lips in order to mouth at his jaw, leaving a trail of wet kisses all down to his neck.

Hawks avoids leaving any marks because they’ve never discussed it and only teases the skin with his teeth. Even if he did leave something, the tattoos are too dense for anyone to notice anyway.

He cracks one eye open, to inspect the area and much to his disappointment, he doesn’t see Shouto anywhere near. He must have already left.

“Why did you stop?” Dabi asks, his voice wrecked and Hawks’ attention snaps back to him.

“Shouto is gone,” he informs him, sounding no better himself. He notices Dabi’s uneven breathing and flushed skin, feeling dizzy himself. He hesitates for a moment, with every cell in his body screaming at him to go back to kissing Dabi. He stops himself, putting distance between their bodies instead.

After all, isn’t it what Dabi wanted? To reassure his family that everything is great between them. Hawks’ job is done. No need to prolong it any further.

He takes one last and regretful look at Dabi and then swims away.

He doesn’t wait for Dabi to join him, deciding he’s had enough swimming for today and heads straight for the showers.

Hawks is not sure how he will keep pretending he’s not in love with Dabi in front of him. It’s so hard to hide all of the feelings and act like nothing’s happening.

***

The kissing isn’t what does it for Hawks. Nor the part where they are affectionate with each other. Not even flirting. No, the thing that’s the most painful and yet something that makes his heart soar is when he opens his eyes in the morning and Dabi is next to him.

It wasn’t as bad when they were both curled up on the opposite sides of the bed but ever since Dabi started ending up by Hawks’ side, it’s hard to ignore.

He will either wake up snuggling with him or have Dabi barely out of reach, painfully breathtaking. And Hawks will yearn. Yearn so much it will drive him crazy, make the wound in his chest reopen.

It’s the smallest things that cause the most damage. Sure, all the pretending is messing with Hawks’ head but it’s when they’re alone that he’s most vulnerable. Because more than anything, he wants all the domesticity with Dabi. Has always daydreamed about it. And now he’s got it, but not exactly. That realisation is ripping him apart.

So every time he wakes up with Dabi, pressed up against him or in his arms, their limbs tangled, it’s even harder to imagine he could ever escape.

This vacation isn’t long and they’re closer to the end than they were before, but it feels like an eternity. It’s absolute torture. Hawks is letting himself experience everything he’s safely tucked away many years ago and it’s terrifying. The way he’s overflowing and can’t find any control.

The first time around, it was less excruciating. At this point, he’s not sure the ache will ever leave him. Hawks will just have to deal with it and hope for the best.

***

“You want us to go shopping with you for souvenirs,” Hawks repeats slowly everything Shouto has just said.

Shouto is looking at him like he’s an idiot. “Yeah.”

“Are the others coming?”

“No. I don’t want to bother them,” Shouto replies simply, shifting on his legs.

“So you decided to bother us!” Dabi shouts from behind.

Hawks looks over his shoulder at him in disapproval, but Dabi isn’t looking up, lazily scrolling through his phone instead. Hawks gazes back at Shouto, an apology ready on the tip of his tongue, but sees that the boy doesn’t look troubled in the slightest. Just bored. Possibly done with Dabi.

“When?”

“Now,” Shouto deadpans. “There’s a flea market near and I want to go there.” He shrugs nonchalantly and gently pushing Hawks to the side, lets himself in. He walks up to the bed and sits down. “I’ll wait here when you’re getting ready.”

Hawks and Dabi share a look. Teenagers.

Hawks shakes his head but doesn’t argue. Bossed by a sixteen-year-old. As if he wasn’t already hitting the rock bottom.

“Get up, asshole,” he mutters, throwing a clean pair of socks at Dabi as he passes by him to get to the bathroom.

“What, you need help inside?” Dabi teases and Hawks doesn’t have to look at him to know he’s sporting a shit-eating grin.

He flips him off and disappears in the bathroom.

Shouto leads them to the flea market clumsily, using his phone for directions and saying we are almost there every time they take the wrong turn. Dabi keeps mocking him all the while Hawks stays silent, sipping on his coffee and looking around.

At some point, Dabi grabs his hand and Hawks is so stuck in his head that he doesn’t even react. He only glances at their palms and then continues to walk. Wearing sunglasses, his puzzlement is well-masked. He can also blame the weather for making his hand sweaty.

He’s surprisingly chill and he’s not sure it’s a good sign. Maybe he’s in the dull acceptance of things as of now? Or right before another breakdown over Dabi snoring softly next to him. He thinks, rather bitterly, that he just cannot wait to see what’s going to happen later.

“See, I told you we were close,” Shouto says, stopping suddenly and making them nearly stumble into him. He turns towards them, a satisfied smile stretching his lips and then points towards the tents teeming with life.

The place is so crowded, it’s making Hawks want to run away. And feeling how Dabi’s grip around his palm has tightened, Hawks senses that he’s not exactly thrilled either.

Shouto doesn’t pay any mind to how obviously uncomfortable they are, opting to tug Dabi forward by his wrist, dragging Hawks by association.

The place is filled with various items and people loudly bargaining for them, easy to get lost in. That’s why Hawks and Dabi keep holding hands.

There’s no other reason.

“You,” Dabi addresses Shouto who’s already started wandering off, wide-eyed. “Stick close to us. I’m not going to look for you if you disappear here,” he says sternly.

They all know it’s bullshit because he definitely would look for Shouto, but no one says anything. They start walking between stalls, letting their eyes linger on all sort of things. Shouto stops now and then to admire something shiny, but nothing seems to satisfy him enough to buy it.

Hawks might get something for Rumi. A reward for putting up with his emotionally constipated ass, but he’s not exactly sure what to look for.

They pause by the place that isn’t as occupied as the other ones and has something that must have caught Shouto’s eye since he looks pretty excited to go through the things presented there.

“Hey, do you think Toga would like it?” Dabi elbows him in the ribs to get his attention. Hawks looks sceptically at whatever he’s holding and raises one eyebrow.

“She’d love it. Not sure the authorities would be very happy about her having an axe, though.”

Shouto shoots them a quizzical look, but when neither of them elaborates further, he goes back to his task – which is snapping pictures of weird things and putting them away once his phone buzzes with a response.

He must be searching for something specific.

Hawks looks away from him and towards the feathery hat he’s been fumbling with. It’s red and green, unpleasant to touch and absolutely hideous. Hawks loves it.

Dabi pinches him to get his attention because he’s annoying like that. Hawks hisses in pain and swats him away.

“You should buy it. As ugly as you,” Dabi says and barks out a laugh, very pleased with himself.

“Oh, I don’t know. You’d suit it much better,” Hawks retorts and puts the hat on Dabi’s head. “See, much uglier than me.”

Dabi snorts and tries to give it back to Hawks. They do it back and forth for a few minutes, ruining the hat with each try. The feathers get stuck in their hair and stick to their sweaty skin. It lasts up until they hear someone loudly clear their throat. That makes them stop in their tracks, the hat almost sitting back on Dabi’s head. They turn around, their expressions sheepish.

“You know you will have to buy it now,” an angry-looking man says to them. He’s got his arms crossed over his chest and despite being shorter than both of them, his aura makes him appear much bigger.

Hawks chuckles awkwardly, running his hand through his hair. “Don’t worry, we will,” he assures, taking the hat off Dabi’s head and safely tucking it in the crook of his elbow. It’s almost featherless at this point and Hawks isn’t sure whether it looks better or worse than before.

The man clicks his tongue and steps back behind the counter.

“We should run away with it,” Dabi whispers, throwing his arm around Hawks’ shoulders.

Hawks looks at him and Dabi’s eyes are so bright with glee, he can’t help but smile. Dabi looks so carefree, his cheeks pink from the effort. There are happy wrinkles around his eyes and Hawks feels lighter. He can’t bring himself to look away, he doesn’t want to. It’s like the time has stopped just to allow him a few more seconds of undisturbed happiness taking over Dabi’s face. He’s beautiful and Hawks’ chest is burning.

“Is there something on my face?” Dabi asks, a wide grin still adorning his lips and how could Hawks ever refuse him? It’s impossible.

“You have feathers in your hair,” Hawks replies weakly, threading his fingers through Dabi’s hair. The feathers are almost the same shade of red as his hair used to be. He shakes the majority off, his eyes locked with Dabi’s. Dabi doesn’t move away even when it’s clear the feathers are gone and Hawks is just playing with his hair.

Hawks want to stay in this moment for as long as possible. Unfortunately, Shouto has different plans for them.

“We can go,” he announces, making Hawks and Dabi jump away from each other as if burnt.

“Have you got what you wanted?” Hawks asks, ignoring the warmth creeping up his neck. He focuses on Shouto instead.

Shouto nods, nodding towards the bag he’s holding.

“We need to pay,” Dabi chimes in, taking the hat from Hawks.

While he pays for it, Shouto keeps watching Hawks with curiosity and it is a bit unnerving.

Once Dabi is back, the hat proudly perched upon his head despite looking ridiculous, Shouto decides that they can leave. Which quickly turns into a heated discussion between him and Dabi, with Dabi insisting that they still need to look at other things. They bicker for a few minutes, both stubborn as fuck and Hawks quickly gets bored with it.

He checks his phone, hearing huffing and puffing from the side and then finally Shouto gives in. All in all, Hawks thinks it was completely unnecessary.

“You should have looked for something to buy instead of fighting, you know,” Shouto mutters, walking away. Dabi says something unintelligible under his breath and then they follow after Shouto.

Hawks buys a necklace for Rumi, figuring out that it’s a safe choice. He’s not as risky as Dabi, who buys all kinds of useless shit for his friends. They’re done with their shopping sooner than Shouto has probably anticipated and start their walk back.

Hawks dubiously eyes all the bags Dabi’s carrying.

“Why would you buy a creepy doll for Shigaraki?”

“He won’t know what to do with it, but he won’t throw it away. It’ll annoy him,” Dabi explains as if it was the most obvious thing.

“What a lovely friend you are,” Hawks deadpans. “I hope you didn’t buy me anything like that.”

“Why would I buy you something? We’re not friends,” Dabi teases, bumping his shoulder against Hawks’.

“Right, I forgot.” Hawks rolls his eyes and looks towards Shouto. He’s limping, the amount of walking no doubt causing him a lot of pain.

Shouto throws his way a glance and, as if reading his mind, asks, “Will you take a look at my leg when we reach the rooms?”

“Sure,” Hawks replies, giving him a thumbs up.

“Do you want me to hold your hand when he’s examining your leg, Shouto?” Dabi says mockingly, making Shouto scowl.

“No, you’d be a nuisance.” Well, straight to the point. At least it wonderfully shuts Dabi up.

They part ways with Dabi by Shouto’s bedroom door. Dabi narrows his eyes at his brother but obediently walks back to his and Hawks’ room.

Hawks knows it’s simply a check-up, but stepping inside, he can’t shake off a weird feeling. The way Shouto is looking at him isn’t helping.

Hawks lets out a loud sigh and when Shouto sits comfortably on his bed, he crouches down and takes a look at the injury.

“You’ve been changing the bandage yourself, right?” he asks, looking at the wound. His stitches seem to be holding up well and he doesn’t notice any signs of infection.

“Yes. And I got an ointment for it,” Shouto says, his voice calm.

They wrap his leg with fresh gauze, trying not to make it too tight.

“It’ll be a nasty scar. I still think you should get a professional to look at it.”

Shouto waves him off dismissively. “It’s fine. Besides my boy… friend,” he pauses, looking at Hawks in horror. It takes a second for Hawks’ to understand and his eyes widen. “My friend. Who is a boy. He will think it looks badass,” Shouto hurries to explain, coughing into his sleeve when he’s finished. His face momentarily goes bright red.

Well. Well.

“Right,” Hawks says stiffly.

“Anyways, I wanted you to come here to tell you something.”

Hawks tilts his head to the side. “Yeah?”

“I know you and my brother aren’t together,” Shouto utters quietly and now it’s Hawks’ turn to freeze in place and stare at Shouto.

Hawks giggles uncontrollably and pats him on the knee. “Why would you say that?”

“Even if I didn’t think so earlier, you are confirming it now with your reaction,” Shouto states, his words making Hawks stop.

He clears his throat, looking away in embarrassment. That definitely won’t make Dabi happy.

“How did you figure it out?” he asks. He was sure he played his role well. Even too well at times.

“Well, it’s simple. You act oddly for a couple. When my father is around, you can’t stay away from each other and go overboard with your affection. But when you’re with us, you act casually. Like friends. See, I wouldn’t question it if it was one way or the other. Together, however, it doesn’t add up. You’re inconsistent.” Hawks blinks a couple of times, processing Shouto’s words. “I guess Dabi made you do it to piss father off. Which is working, by the way. Another thing is you.” Shouto jabs Hawks in the forehead with his finger, almost making him stumble.

“Me?”

“You don’t look at him like he’s your boyfriend. You’re too hesitant. It’s very obvious.”

“What’s obvious.” Hawks’ throat is dry.

“How you feel about him,” Shouto simply says, his eyes full of sympathy. “You’re literally begging him to love you with your eyes,” he elaborates further and Hawks knows it’s not his intention, but Shouto’s words sting.

He doesn’t like this conversation and definitely doesn’t want to be read so cruelly by some kid. He stands up, feeling himself become numb with each passing second. He takes a step back and Shouto must see something on his face because his expression turns gentle all at once.

“I won’t tell him,” he promises. “But I think you should,” he adds, trying to smile reassuringly.

It doesn’t reach Hawks. “I– I have to go,” he mumbles quietly.

He leaves the room before Shouto can stop him and leans against the wall outside. This is completely humiliating. Is he really so pathetic? Begging Dabi to love him? There’s no way in hell Dabi wouldn’t have noticed if Shouto has seen right through Hawks in a matter of days.

He’s been keeping it at bay for years, securing it from the world. Only Rumi knows and telling her wasn’t easy either. But if he’s so transparent it’s likely that other people around them have caught up as well.

Why did no one tell him? Out of pity probably.

He doesn’t remember how he gets back to his and Dabi’s room. He might have spent hours or only a few minutes by Shouto’s door. Everything is a little hazy as of now. Hawks ignores Dabi’s greeting and heads straight to the bathroom. He takes a long shower, one that turns his skin red and helps him breathe easier.

He should have never agreed to come here. Now, he’s deep in feelings and he’s got no idea how to stop it from escalating. He’s not sure he will survive having his heart broken once again. He let Dabi come too close, to touch him too dearly, making his skin burn. And while for Dabi it’s only a funny game to rile his father up, Hawks loves and loves, and loves so much he might one day end up exploding.

Aching for Dabi has never been easy nor safe, but now it’s got out of hand. It’s going to be so hard to go back to normal and start healing his heart. And there are still a couple more days when he has to act as Dabi’s lover.

How many kisses before he shatters?

He can’t risk Dabi finding out. That would be the worst thing to happen, he wouldn’t be able to handle Dabi looking at him and feeling sorry. He doesn’t want to be rejected. Not by the only person that’s ever accepted him fully.

God, why did he have to go and fall in love? Stupid heart. He can only pray that Dabi will stay oblivious. Please, let him be oblivious.

***

“Hey, is everything alright?” Dabi asks, his voice filled with concern.

Hawks hates him for it. He also hates him for comfortingly stroking his back.

They’re lying on the bed, Hawks sprawled out on his stomach, wallowing in his self-pity. He knew Dabi was going to say something for a while and yet he’s been dreading it with everything he’s got.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles into the pillow. He doesn’t want Dabi to start worrying and dig deeper for whatever is making Hawks feel like that but he’s also unable to snap back to his usual self immediately.

Shouto should have kept his findings to himself. That way Hawks wouldn’t be a complete mess right now.

“You’ve been weird since you came back from Shouto,” Dabi says, his fingers brushing the nape of Hawks’ neck.

“I’m just tired,” Hawks lies.

“Are you sure?”

Hawks sighs and turns his head to the side to glare at Dabi. It must work since Dabi inches slightly away. Hawks curses himself for that and tries to compose himself enough to make Dabi feel like he truly is okay.

“I just need to rest,” he says quietly, reaching his hand out to stroke Dabi’s cheek. He tells himself it’s to make Dabi secure, but he damn well knows he’s being selfish.

Dabi’s hand on his back stops and he closes his eyes. He leans into Hawks’ touch and breathes harshly through his nose.

Dabi looks at Hawks again.

He opens his mouth. “I–“ he closes it, reluctant.

Hawks frowns. “Yeah?”

Dabi shakes his head, making Hawks’ hand fall down, and sends him a small smile. “It’s nothing.” He squeezes his shoulder. “I’ll stop bothering you for now,” he says and there’s something self-deprecating in the way his lips twitch.

Hawks wants to tell him that he isn’t bothered, but no words come out. Dabi ducks his head.

“I’ll go annoy Natsuo,” he says quickly and soon enough he’s gone.

Hawks buries his face in his pillow and groans when he smells Dabi on it.

Idiot. He’s an idiot.

***

Enji drags them out to explore the town the next day. It’s needless to say that Hawks hates the idea, knowing what exactly is coming the moment they’re outside and Dabi enthusiastically grabs his hand when his father looks their way. It’s so much different from when he’s done it when they were with Shouto. Hawks wants to puke.

They have a tour guide, who makes them walk through various ruins and churches, describing the story of monuments in a monotone voice.

Dabi attempts to sneak as many kisses as possible when the guide is looking away, making his father let out agitated noises. And for once, Hawks can relate. The guy he hates has just made a point.

Maybe earlier he wouldn’t have got this irritated, but after his tiny breakdown from the day before, literally anything that Dabi does for the act gets under Hawks’ skin.

He pushes his face away when it gets unbearable, earning himself a confused stare from Dabi. His face goes from playful to serious in a matter of seconds. Hawks quickly looks away.

They move from one place to another and at a certain point, Hawks notices the siblings significantly slowing down all the while Enji engages himself in a discussion with the guide. Hawks narrows his eyes at them, not sure he’s following their train of thought. All of them keep a watchful gaze on their father’s back and then, while passing by a string of trees, each one of them jumps to the side.

When it’s Dabi and Hawks left, Hawks has only a second to let out a surprised yelp before he’s pressed up against a tree.

Dabi puts a palm over his mouth. He looks towards the path they’ve been walking on, probably to check whether Enji has noticed all of them disappearing. Satisfied with what he sees, his eyes drop to Hawks’ face. He doesn’t remove his hand straight away, staring at Hawks instead.

Only then does Hawks realise that Dabi’s front is pushed up against him fully.

“He’s gonna lose his shit when he realises,” Dabi mutters under his breath, grinning.

Hawks sighs, deflating.

“Psst.” Dabi turns his head towards the noise and Natsuo sticks his head from behind a trunk. “We need to get going before he turns back,” he shout-whispers. Dabi nods at him and tugs Hawks away from the tree.

Soon enough, all of them are running, Shouto leading them forward despite his hurt leg. And if that doesn’t prove how desperately they want to get away from their father, then Hawks doesn’t know what else would be enough.

Dabi howls when they’re far enough and Natsuo joins him, making Fuyumi laugh to the point she’s out of breath. One could think that they’ve just done something big, given their reaction. And Hawks thinks, that to some extent, they truly have.

***

They end up squeezed in a booth in a small café, ready to mess with the system and eat dessert before dinner. Hawks is the last to choose his food, happy with having had more time to decide.

“Double sugar and double cream. Plus three pumps of caramel. Iced,” Hawks says to the waitress, scanning the menu. “And a piece of chocolate cake, please,” he adds, sending the girl his most charming smile. She blushes at him, noting dutifully everything he’s just said and then leaves.

“That’s a lot of sugar,” Natsuo notices with a raised eyebrow.

Hawks shrugs. “I like sweet things,” he says simply, putting his elbows on the table.

“The complete opposite of Dabi,” Fuyumi states, smiling.

Yeah, Dabi kept his order simple. Just a cup of green tea.

“At least I don’t have to share my candies with him,” Hawks replies, squirming in his place. He sees out of the corner of his eye Shouto watching him and he wants to kill this kid. It’s his fault that Hawks is making a big deal out of everything.

Fuyumi puts her chin in her palm. “How did your first date go? If you even go on dates. It’s hard to imagine him,” she points at Dabi with her finger, “being very romantic.”

Dabi scoffs, offended. “I’m plenty romantic,” he says.

“We just hang out as usual, but sometimes hold hands,” Hawks offers, sending Fuyumi a wide grin. Probably edging on sarcastic, considering Fuyumi ducks her head and glances away, but Hawks can’t help it. He doesn’t want to talk about their fake relationship.

Dabi kicks him softly in the ankle under the table and Hawks kicks back. Why don’t they just come clean? It would be much less uncomfortable. It doesn’t make sense to keep pretending in front of them.

Dabi perks up suddenly. “One time when we were out, we met a stray cat that latched itself to Hawks to the point we considered taking it back to the flat. I still have photos, you wanna see?” He sounds excited and Hawks frowns when both Fuyumi and Natsuo move closer to get a better look.

Why are they so invested? No one’s been losing their shit over Natsuo’s girlfriend while they are brought to the spotlight almost constantly.

The waitress comes with their orders at the same time and the moment Hawks’ coffee is in front of him, he doesn’t waste any time and takes a big gulp, letting his eyes stray to the side.

He almost chokes when he sees Dabi’s wallpaper.

Hawks starts coughing, trying to drown it in his drink and swallows even more of it. It’s like he’s making his suffocating even worse. He feels tears already welling up in his eyes and his throat is burning. So far no one has noticed his struggle.

No one besides Shouto, of course.

He nearly drops his cup when the boy starts patting his back. It takes a moment and his throat is burning by the time he can breathe freely again. Natsuo, Dabi and Fuyumi glance towards him, but when he sends them a reassuring smile, they go back to the task at hand.

Hawks calls himself an idiot under his breath and then thanks Shouto quietly.

“No problem,” Shouto replies, taking a bite of his cake.

Hawks follows his suit, letting his eyes travel towards Dabi’s phone screen every few seconds.

He remembers when it happened. They were going back home from a bar, tipsy after celebrating Hawks passing all of his classes on the first try. It wasn’t a date, nowhere close to it. Hawks’ friends from the university were there as well and he made out with someone after seeing Dabi flirt with the bartender. So it wasn’t as pretty as Dabi's story. But the part about the cat is true.

Hawks isn’t a cat person, mostly because of his allergies, but this little guy was so clingy he couldn’t refuse it. He recalls Dabi walking around and doing something on his phone, but Hawks has never realised how many pictures he took back then. It seems like there’s no end to them.

After the pictures with the cat, there come other ones. From outings with friends, mostly. And Hawks is in the majority of them. It’s no surprise that they can so easily pass as a couple when their lives are so intertwined.

Dabi goes through his gallery, recalling the events from the pictures with bright eyes. Natsuo and Fuyumi listen to him attentively, paying half of their minds to their food. Hawks is guilty of it as well, getting lost in the soft timbre of Dabi’s voice.

They’ve been through so much and share so many memories, both happy and not. They barely even need to make fake scenarios up.

They move to other topics eventually and Hawks watches Dabi exit his gallery, leaving his home screen on full display. Dabi stares at the picture that nearly killed Hawks before tucking his phone back in his pocket.

Hawks nudges him gently with his elbow and Dabi’s gaze snaps up to him.

“I didn’t know you had this as your wallpaper,” he says softly. It’s the same picture Dabi has called nice a few days ago. The one which shows them kissing after the volleyball contest.

The amount of effort Dabi is putting into his game hurts Hawks to his core.

“Yeah, well. It looks good,” Dabi explains lamely. It’s probably because they can be heard. He doesn’t want to risk his siblings catching anything suspicious.

“Right,” Hawks replies, looking down at his plate.

At least his eyes are closed in the picture so Dabi doesn’t have to see this pitiful look in them every time he unlocks his phone. Small mercies.

***

“We should go out drinking,” Dabi muses out loud as they round the corner while coming back to the resort.

“It’s a family vacation,” Shouto replies, scowling.

“Drinking can be family-friendly too,” Dabi says, raising his eyebrows.

Shouto glares at him and he doesn’t have to use any more words to convey his message. They are definitely not going to drink. And yes, they are bossed around by the youngest of them all.

They come to an abrupt stop in front of the entrance to the resort, noticing the presence of Enji sitting on the stairs. The man looks up at them with apparent anger in his eyes. He stands up, hovering over them.

Dabi takes a step forward, shielding the rest of his siblings.

“Where have you gone?” Enji asks coldly.

“None of your business,” Dabi grits out, making his father scoff.

“I’m tired of your attitude, Touya. Your arrogance should be put in its place. I organised this educational tour for you and yet you stepped out of your line. Again.”

Dabi barks out a laugh. “Boohoo, did the forty-six-year-old minor got his feelings hurt?” he coos mockingly. “Tough shit,” he spits out, his tone much harsher and devoid of humour. “When will it get through your thick skull that we don’t want to spend time with you?” he asks, his fingers curled up into fists. He’s getting worked up again and Hawks really doesn’t want to see him like this.

He shifts closer to him and takes Dabi’s trembling hand in his own. Dabi glances at him, a plea in his eyes and Hawks’ heart hurts for him. “Don’t,” he whispers, tugging on Dabi’s palm for emphasis.

Dabi slumps against him and takes a loud breath.

“What an obedient dog you are. You can’t even stand up for yourself like a man.”

Hawks feels Dabi tensing all at once and he looks up at his father again, disgust stretching his features.

“At least I’ve got someone who loves me, what about you?” he asks, his voice laced with disdain. He doesn’t wait for the man to answer and mutters, “Let’s go,” before walking away

The siblings trail after him, shooting concerned gazes between each other on their way to the elevator.

Enji Todoroki is so fucking wrong. All Dabi’s been doing his whole life is stand up against him. No matter how many times it seemed like he was defeated, he’d pick his head up and fight harder. The man is just too blind and proud to see this.

***

Hawks thinks this is it for today when they step into their room. They’ve had some fun, Hawks was all in his feelings again and then there was a dangerous confrontation. Quite eventful if you ask him, that’s why he’s ready to head to the bed soon. Prepare himself for another night of Dabi close to him and all that jazz. But then his eyes meet Dabi’s and he sees something that just spells trouble in them.

He sighs, waiting for Dabi to speak.

“We can’t go drinking, but we have alcohol here. Very expensive, that will cost my father a lot.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” Hawks asks, tilting his head to the side.

The only answer he gets is a wicked grin and really, he doesn’t need any more convincing after that.

***

The fancy alcohol is good and Hawks feels like he’s floating. He’s not sure how much they’ve drunk so far and to be frank, he doesn’t care. He hasn’t felt this relaxed in what feels like forever and he’s not about to worry about anything now.

They’re drinking straight from the bottle, exchanging indirect kisses like middle-schoolers and giggling to themselves over the dumbest shit. They’re sitting on the floor, their backs against the bed, their shoulders brushing each time they pass the bottle.

“Is everything alright?” Dabi asks, taking yet another sip. Hawks steals the alcohol from him with a snort.

“Yeah, why?”

“You seemed upset today,” Dabi explains, pouting.

Hawks ruffles his hair reassuringly, swallowing his feelings alongside the wine. “You’re just seeing things,” Hawks says, rolling his eyes.

Dabi leans against him and lets out a loud exhale. “And you’re soft.”

“You’re not making any sense, idiot.” Hawks laughs, swinging the bottle in front of Dabi’s face for him to take it. Dabi grabs it, but instead of drinking, he puts it on the floor with a soft clink.

He shrugs. “When do I ever,” he mumbles, nuzzling into the sleeve of Hawks’ t-shirt. He takes a deep breath.

“Did you just sniff me?” Hawks asks, pushing Dabi away.

Dabi sends him a lopsided grin. “Contrary to popular belief, you don’t smell like shit,” he teases.

“Well, you do. Asshole,” Hawks retorts, hitting Dabi half-heartedly in the chest. He’s too slow and before he can move his hand away, Dabi takes a hold of it.

“Wow, what are you, twelve? Shouto would have a better comeback.” Dabi shakes his head, his fingers playing with Hawks’.

Hawks tries not to think about it. He’s warm because of the alcohol, not because they’re holding hands. He stares at their fingers fitting perfectly together and then gazes up at Dabi’s beautiful, stupid face. He feels a pang of pain in his chest.

Dabi shifts closer.

“I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t,” Hawks says, his voice strained. Dabi’s face is serious.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Hawks blinks in surprise. “Like what?”

“Like I’m hurting you.”

Hawks’ lips part. He lets out a weak chuckle. “I’m not.”

“You are. Always. Makes me wonder what I’ve fucked up this time,” Dabi slurs, his eyes falling to their joined hands.

And it’s this again, isn’t it?

You’re literally begging him to love you with your eyes.

Hawks is truly obvious. Dabi just doesn’t know how to properly read him.

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” Hawks says. Wants to add that it’s his fault. His fault for catching unnecessary feelings and projecting onto Dabi.

Dabi looks up at him again, his eyes soft. Despite what he always claims, they are nothing like Enji’s.

They hold eye contact for the longest minute and Hawks is drunk. So drunk.

“You’re so pretty,” Dabi murmurs under his breath, raising his free hand. He brushes his knuckles over Hawks’ cheek and Hawks shivers under his touch.

Dabi closes the gap between them, capturing Hawks’ lips in a drunken kiss and Hawks lets him. It makes his head spin more than the alcohol does. He doesn’t know what they’re doing now, but when Dabi licks softly into his mouth, making a desperate noise, Hawks can’t imagine himself stopping it.

They kiss and kiss, and kiss. And when they eventually tire themselves out, their lips bruised and tingling, they move on the bed and kiss again too giddy to stop. It’s dawn when they finally give in to exhaustion and fall asleep.

***

“I have the worst hangover. How much did we drink?” Dabi asks, stretching his arms above his head. Something cracks in his bones and he makes a pleased noise. His eyes aren’t even fully open.

Hawks looks at the bottles scattered on the floor.

“Two and a half bottles,” he replies, his gaze jumping back to Dabi. He’s waiting. He’s been waiting ever since Dabi’s woken up.

He’s just not sure what for.

Dabi squints at him and clicks his tongue. “I don’t remember anything that happened after the first,” he says, lying comfortably against his pillow.

Something heavy sinks deep in Hawks’ stomach and he aches, tasting acid on his tongue. Because he remembers it all. The bizarre conversation they had and what happened after that. They spent half of the night kissing, how could Dabi forget?

“Nothing at all?” Hawks asks calmly, staring at the ceiling.

“Nope. Did I say something embarrassing?”

Hawks turns his head to the side and meets Dabi’s sleepy yet amused face. “No,” he states and looks away.

He’s crumbling and Dabi has no idea.

His fingertips are burning with the memory of touching Dabi’s skin under his shirt. They haven’t gone further than making out, thank God, but they shouldn’t have done that either. Hawks should have never allowed this to happen, to delude himself that they could be more. They were just drunk and Hawks was conveniently there. Dabi doesn’t even remember it and if he did, he’d probably laugh it off.

Fuck.

Hawks thought that the last night’s kisses were different from the ones before. Theirs. But he must have been too wasted and got ahead of himself.

Dabi flicks him on the forehead and Hawks startles. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah. Just a headache. That’s all,” Hawks replies.

“We should do it again.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out weakly.

***

Hawks knows he can’t be really angry at Dabi, given that he doesn’t remember what happened between them. He can’t blame him for being a lightweight. But a part of him can’t help but feel bitter. Bitter over the fact that it didn’t mean anything for Dabi to the point it’s been completely erased from his memory. Bitter that he’s stuck with the thoughts of Dabi’s breathy chuckles against his lips while Dabi can go on with his life peacefully.

Great, he made out with the person he’s in love with and that person has no idea. Even telling him about it wouldn’t change a thing. Why does Hawks have to remember? As if he wasn’t messed up enough.

And sure, they both participated in it, very eagerly so. It’s not like Hawks was forced, but his drunk self was stupid enough not to stop it. Just dove right into having his feelings hurt.

They never acted like that, no matter how much they drank. They must have been influenced by the sudden addition of all the physical contact in the past few days. They’ve been kissing so much during this vacation that it must have seemed natural for a wasted Dabi to go for it.

Hawks’ pile of regrets just keeps growing. It’s been something else than every staged kiss between them. And maybe that’s why it hurts so much.

He’s been shutting himself off already, but now his walls are even thicker. He wants to go home so badly, hook up with a stranger and try to forget everything that has happened ever since he agreed to pose as Dabi’s boyfriend.

“Can you do my back?” Dabi asks and throws the bottle of sunscreen at Hawks, already turning himself around.

Hawks’ mouth twists into a scowl, but he scoots closer nevertheless, uncapping the bottle.

They went to the beach and Hawks is reminded of the day of the volleyball contest. Life was so much easier back then.

He spreads the sunscreen over Dabi’s skin, tracing the shapes of his tattoos, echoes of last night loud in his mind. He hears Natsuo and Shouto’s distant bickering coming from the sea. He tries to catch their words instead of focusing on Dabi’s skin under his fingertips. It’s needless to say he’s failing.

He’s glad they haven’t left any marks on each other. It would be so hard to explain.

After he’s done, he wipes his hands on the towel underneath him and then lies down, pushing his sunglasses back onto his nose. He heaves out a tired sigh.

“Don’t you want me to do yours?” Dabi asks, making a move to grab the bottle.

“No, I’m good,” Hawks replies, avoiding his gaze. He might be risking getting another sunburn, but he isn’t letting Dabi touch him.

“Alright,” Dabi says, his tone dubious. “Are you going in?” He points towards the sea.

“I’m good,” Hawks repeats. He can feel Dabi staring at him. It’s making his skin crawl.

“Are you sure? It’s fun.”

Hawks frowns. “Just go,” he mutters, waving Dabi away. It comes out harsher than he intended but does the trick. When Dabi understands the conversation is over, he leaves and Hawks can breathe again.

Not for long, though.

There are only a few minutes of peace before a panting Shouto drops down next to Hawks, sending droplets of water all over the place.

“God, I fucking hate my leg. It’s slowing me down so much.” Shouto’s complaint is followed by a loud groan. The kid sure has a way with his words.

“Uh-huh.”

“What’s got into you?” Shouto asks.

Hawks shoots him a look, which he figures doesn’t leave any effect whatsoever when it’s hidden behind his glasses.

“We got drunk yesterday and made out. Dabi doesn’t remember anything, my head is pounding and I regret ever speaking with you,” Hawks says. How is it that the only person besides Dabi(and Rumi, but he’s not ready to talk with her yet) that he can confide in, is Dabi’s younger brother who is also a brat? He thought they had a connection, no matter how silly it sounds, but then he had to go and spew all this bullshit about knowing everything.

Well, that makes it simpler because Hawks doesn’t have to pretend in front of him anymore. But if he hadn’t said anything, Hawks would be only pining. Now he’s in deep shit.

“Ouch,” Shouto replies and sounds genuinely upset. “I thought we were getting along.”

Hawks sits up. “I thought so too, but then you told me all about how pathetic I am and how everyone can see it.” He jabs a trembling finger into Shouto’s chest and the boy blinks slowly at him.

“I don’t think you’re pathetic.”

“But I am. Even more so now. If you just had kept it all to yourself,” Hawks muses, falling back down.

“I thought it was right towards you. And you had one less person to lie to. I’m sorry.”

Hawks looks at him again, examining him. He seems truly apologetic. Hawks won’t pretend Shouto’s words didn’t hit his sore spot, but the kid’s intention wasn’t evil. He can’t take his own stupidity out on him. Shouto didn’t tell him to go and fall in love with Dabi. He simply pointed out the facts.

Hawks pats him on the knee. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m just in a bad mood. It’s not your fault,” Hawks reassures him, sending his way a strained smile.

“Does that mean we can still be friends?”

Shouto can curse, be a little bastard that knows too much sometimes, but at the end of the day, he’s still a teenager who’s gone through a lot of shit. And it shows all the time.

“Yeah. We can be buddies.” Hawks bumps Shouto’s shoulder with his fist, nearly sending him down. “Just try not to be very honest with me. I’m fragile,” he jokes, but it falls flat.

“Deal.” Shouto grins at him and Hawks smiles back.

At least they’ve got that sorted out.

“You wanna talk about the thing with my brother?”

“Not really.” He’s in the phase of bottling his feelings up. Probably won’t end nicely, but when it starts he can never push it away. He’s complicated like that.

“Okay.” They share a few moments of comfortable silence, but then Shouto looks at him again. “Can I ask you about something? Not Dabi related.”

Hawks snorts. “Sure.”

“How did you get to the point where you feel this comfortable being out and stuff?”

“You mean liking guys or being trans?” Hawks raises one of his eyebrows. He didn’t expect the topic change to be this abrupt, but he doesn’t mind it.

“The second. I… I have a friend, but it’s still very hard for him. He’d never go to the beach and stuff,” Shouto mumbles, his eyes downcast. His leg keeps bouncing nervously and Hawks only notices it now. “I care about him a lot and I don’t know,” he shrugs, “I wish I could help him.”

“Is it perhaps the boyfriend?” Hawks asks, keeping his tone gentle. Shouto doesn’t reply, but the blush blooming over his cheeks is very telling. “It’s different for everyone. But support helps. Just don’t push him. He’ll get there in his own time. For me, it’s taken years. I still get those thoughts, though. The ones that want to stop me. So it’s not linear. He should follow his own pace. You can’t do that much, but be there. Just having someone around that cares about and respects you, is wonderful.”

He realises how clumsy his advice is and how Shouto probably considers it useless. He opens his mouth to add something else, but the boy beats him to it.

“Thank you. Really. I just don’t want to make a mistake, but sometimes I don’t know how to act.”

“It’s fine.” Hawks ruffles Shouto’s hair. “I’m more than happy to help. And if you’re scared to ask him, you can always hit me up.”

Shouto doesn’t shy away from his touch, sending a small smile his way instead and for a brief second Hawks doesn’t feel as miserable.

***

He is, however, miserable the next day. And the day after that. His mood drops quickly and mercilessly.

Dabi keeps sending him confused looks every time Hawks decides to hole himself up in the room, repeating pass to every activity, even the ones that don’t involve Enji. Rumi senses that something is wrong through the texts and tries calling him, but to no avail and Hawks thinks he’s just reaching his peak.

He’s never acted like this, always managing to hide his feelings and distract himself, but now, it seems like he’s at his limit. There’s no university to keep him focused, no other people to go out with and all he can do is binge bird videos to keep himself sane.

Hawks, despite years of experience, turns out to be a total disaster. If he goes out and Dabi feels like it, he will hold his hands, or kiss him and Hawks wants to avoid the latter as much as possible.

He doesn’t want to kiss Dabi because he knows it’ll hurt.

Hawks should have been able to swallow the discomfort and fake it for a few more days, he’s been doing it just fine before, but he’s only human. And after so many years he must have reached the moment all he can do is run away. He doesn’t have it in himself to put on a happy face and be affectionate with Dabi, not after the blows he received.

He’s sick of being in love and not having the chance to try and get rid of it. His heart has had enough. He needs space, but there’s none of it and he’s overflowing.

“Just tell them I’ve got a fever,” Hawks says after Dabi’s yet another attempt to drag him out. Hawks has only left the room to get some food or wander around by himself and it’s obvious that Dabi is getting fed up with him. Dabi hates when Hawks doesn’t tell him things. But what are a few bad days against the risk of losing the dearest relationship in his life? Nothing.

They’ll get over it the same way Hawks will eventually emerge from the fog that’s been clouding his mind. He’ll be fine, he just needs to be a little dramatic about it first.

“Come on, you’ve been here for too long. They’ll start thinking I killed you or something.”

“Please, do so. End my misery,” Hawks whines. “Where do you all even want to go?”

“They are hosting a game night down there. There will be karaoke and shit. You can win coupons for food.” Dabi shrugs. Oh, yes, just what Hawks needs. A social event when he’s slowly losing his mind.

He’s about to say no again, but meets Dabi’s pleading gaze and sighs deeply. This should be illegal.

“Fine. Let me get ready,” he mumbles, stumbling out of the bed. Dabi raises his fist up in the air, smug satisfaction taking over his face.

Hawks has to look away because it hurts too much. Maybe drunk Dabi was right. Perhaps Hawks does watch him with pain in his eyes.

***

“Why are you wearing sunglasses? It’s already dark inside,” Natsuo asks, sitting across from Hawks.

“I’m going for the douche vibe. I only need to grow a goatee and it’ll be complete,” Hawks replies, taking a sip of his martini. He wasn’t going to touch alcohol after the fiasco with Dabi, but they’re in public now and it was given to him by the staff.

Shouto snorts next to him. “Don’t forget about a fedora.”

“Oh, of course. How could I,” Hawks says dryly, his finger tracing the neck of his glass up and down. “The big Todoroki coming?” He looks at Fuyumi.

She straightens up in her place and Hawks realises that maybe he shouldn’t have addressed her. She’s not Enji’s secretary.

“He’s playing bingo with some business partners,” she says.

Hawks visibly relaxes against his chair. They won’t have to pretend to be overly in love with each other. Possibly no more physical affection in the foreseeable future.

“Where have you been for the past two days? Trouble in paradise?” Natsuo wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, making Hawks scowl.

Apparently, he’s decided that pestering Hawks is an appropriate form of entertainment tonight.

Hawks leans on his elbows, smiling bitterly. “You know how it is. I don’t wanna scratch his back once and he throws a fit.” He waves his hand dismissively. Dabi huffs.

“Well, at least I won’t see you sucking faces every few seconds.” Natsuo’s smile is cheeky.

Hawks wants to say not until your father comes around, but Dabi probably wouldn’t like that so he keeps quiet. He looks down, his finger circling the rim of his glass.

“I guess you won’t,” he replies, his voice grim.

He’s being unreasonable, isn’t he? Dabi has done nothing wrong and Hawks is being an ass just because he got his feelings involved. It’s the same as when Dabi got his first boyfriend or started bringing people into their room, forcing Hawks to find places to stay the night countless times. Hawks would get irritable and snap at small things until he threw himself into something just to go back to his old self.

It’s not Dabi’s fault that Hawks is in love with him. He doesn’t owe him anything and Hawks is old enough to know what he can or cannot handle. He was an idiot for thinking coming here wouldn’t end up in a personal disaster. It’s all on him.

He downs the rest of his martini in one go and wipes his mouth with the back of his palm.

Soon enough, the activities on a makeshift stage start. Hawks doesn’t pay attention to whatever is happening on there, waiting for the moment they will leave. He hopes it will happen soon.

The siblings abstain from participating. That is until the karaoke part starts and much to everyone’s astonishment, Shouto goes up on the stage and dramatically performs Rolling in the Deep, pouring his heart into it. It even manages to drag Hawks out of his sulking.

Fuyumi manages to record most of the performance, her eyes wide all the while Dabi and Natsuo are watching their brother in disbelief. Shouto’s voice is shaky and he goes over the top at times, but his voice isn’t bad at all. It’s the most emotive Hawks has seen him be ever since they’ve met if he doesn’t count his accident during the hike.

When the song is over, Shouto leaps back to their table, his face flushed. His stage confidence is long gone, but it’s obvious he’s still buzzing with adrenaline.

“What was that?” Natsuo asks, hitting him in the shoulder.

Shouto ducks his head shyly. “I felt like doing something crazy,” he says and shrugs.

They all look over each other but say nothing.

Not long after that, the mood goes back to being awkward, but Hawks is pretty sure none of them will forget what happened any time soon.

Other people sing and it takes long, way too long. Hawks thinks that maybe that will make the siblings want to take their exit.

And then the worst happens.

The singing stops, the stage is cleared up and the audience is waiting in anticipation for what’s the next thing in the programme.

“We’re calling for couples! Prove yourselves!” the host exclaims and Hawks thinks, no, nothing will happen. Dabi knows he isn’t in the mood and also there’s literally no need for that. So why is he standing up and being unwillingly dragged to where some old man was singing a Carly Rae Jepsen song not so long ago?

“What are you doing?” he whispers when Dabi drags him up on the stage, next to other gathered couples. Mainly middle-aged, heterosexual ones.

They fit perfectly.

“More bad press for my father,” Dabi mumbles. Hawks makes a non-committal sound and gulps. He wants to wring his hand out of Dabi’s grip, but the host’s eyes stray to them, freezing him in place. The host sends them a polite smile.

“Each couple will have to challenge their teamwork. You need to bring a watermelon up to your mouth without using hands and then hold it as long as possible. You start up from your stomachs. The couple which lasts the longest will get a very promising reward.” The host winks at the audience and giggles.

“Take these off,” Dabi says, grabbing Hawks’ sunglasses himself and tucking them in his back pocket. If he forgets about them and crushes them with his ass, he will pay for that.

“You’re the worst,” Hawks mutters under his breath, reaching for a watermelon.

“Love you, too,” Dabi sing-songs and Hawks truly doesn’t want to blame him for his current heartache, he doesn’t, but his behaviour makes it very hard.

“Your father isn’t even here.” Hawks places the fruit between them, nodding at Dabi to move closer. When it’s securely squished between them, he lets go of it.

“But he’s near and he will know about it when we win,” Dabi replies.

Hawks looks at him, bemused. When. Not if. How confident.

The host keeps commenting on people’s struggles, the audience cheers for them and Hawks is pretty sure he can hear Natsuo yelling in the background. The actual task is easier said than done. Every couple has dropped their watermelon at least once and Hawks feels himself sweating with effort.

There are people taking pictures of them, God knows why. Maybe for memories and laughs at the dinner table. It’s making Hawks uncomfortable, but at least there aren’t any nosy journalists. Although, he can’t be sure that these pictures won’t end up on the web either.

They must look ridiculous, with the weird faces they make and the way their bodies stretch just to move the watermelon a few centimetres up.

“Don’t tell me you aren’t having fun,” Dabi teases, sounding tired but determined.

“I’m having the time of my life,” Hawks deadpans and he doesn’t think it’s funny, but Dabi’s laugh sounds loud and clear.

“These people look like they’re hundred years old and they’re doing better than us,” Dabi whines, wiggling his upper body left and right.

“That’s because they’re real couples. And short. Less distance to cross.”

Dabi catches his eye. “Even if we aren’t dating, we’re best friends. Our teamwork is great,” he says, offended on the behalf of their friendship.

Hawks squints and looks to the side. “As I said, they’re short.” He pushes himself forward and Dabi, getting the clue, bends his back slightly so the watermelon moves up to their chests.

They return to their earlier positions carefully. With the force they are holding the fruit between their bodies, Hawks notices how close they are. Their noses are almost touching. Dabi’s breath ghosts over Hawks’ face when he lets out a small chuckle.

“We haven’t been this close in a few days,” he jokes, raising one of his eyebrows.

Hawks is barely managing to stand still. The host announces that one couple has already reached their goal and has to withstand the uncomfortable position they are in now.

Hawks’ eyes are skimming over Dabi’s face. The smile he’s giving him cuts right through him. Hawks wants to trace it with his thumb, taste it, but he can’t.

He needs to do something to get him out of his system, desperately so.

“Come on, let’s show them and then we can go to our room and drink to celebrate.”

Hawks doesn’t even register the moment he jumps away, too focused on the implications in Dabi’s words. He only hears a loud thud and when he looks down, sees the watermelon weakly rolling off to the side.

His panicked gaze snaps back to Dabi’s face and there’s something unreadable in his eyes. Dabi reaches out for him, but Hawks is already stepping away. He doesn’t want to be here anymore, doesn’t want to have another try as the host he passes by suggests.

Hawks doesn’t go back to their table, leaving the place altogether in order to get back to their bedroom.

He doesn’t notice Dabi following him until he steps after Hawks into the elevator. Hawks purses his lips, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. Dabi leans against one of the walls, watching him. They don’t say a word throughout the whole ride and when the elevator arrives on their floor, Hawks nearly jumps out of it. He starts heading straight to the room, not looking back.

He hears Dabi’s unhurried steps behind and swallows, unlocking the room and stepping inside.

“Can you tell me what the hell is wrong with you?” Dabi asks, his voice stern. He closes the door behind himself.

Hawks rolls his eyes.

“Just feeling down.”

“You’ve been acting off ever since we came back from shopping with Shouto. Something has happened. I’m not stupid. I know you well enough to know when it’s not just feeling down. You looked freaked out down there.”

Hawks frowns. “You know shit.”

“I can tell that something is bothering you,” Dabi says, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s worried but doesn’t get that his face is the last thing Hawks wants to see right now.

“Yeah. You are,” Hawks replies.

A flash of hurt crosses over Dabi’s face, but he isn’t backing down. Quite the opposite, there’s a newfound fire ignited in his eyes.

“Why can’t you ever talk about your fucking emotions?” He clicks his tongue in irritation.

“Says you!” Hawks exclaims, throwing his hands up. He starts pacing, understanding that he won’t be left alone that easily.

“It’s not about me. Stop acting like a baby and let me help you. Talk to me.” Dabi’s voice grows shakier with each word and sure, get pissed off, why won’t you. ”Fuyumi and Natsuo kept sharing looks every time I came down without you. They knew something was up and my excuses were shit. And the way you behaved tonight?” He laughs bitterly. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and I can’t carry this whole thing all by myself.”

Hawks lets out a tired huff. It always boils down to this stupid play pretend.

“Won’t they understand when you tell them I feel like shit? And couples fight, we can fight. We are fighting right now.”

“Whose fault is it? I don’t even know what we’re fighting about. You’ve been acting all weird and tense around me recently.”

Right, because it’s always Hawks’ fault. He can’t act as Dabi’s boyfriend well even though his feelings are the ones that are real. Ironic.

“Shouto knows. Why don’t you tell Natsuo and Fuyumi the truth?” Hawks asks, watching the shock appear on Dabi’s face.

“What?”

“Shouto knows. He told me after that little shopping trip. If he had figured it out because we’ve been acting like clowns, maybe the others know the truth, too. Why bother lying,” Hawks says coldly, looking away from Dabi. He feels his heart beating erratically in his chest. “We are easy to be seen through and you know why? Not because I feel like shit and don’t wanna act all lovey-dovey with you for a day or two, but because it’s all fucking fake, Dabi. It’s fake and it’s obvious.” Hawks almost chokes on his words. He gestures vaguely at the space between them. “This game. It’s tiring. Shouto made me realise how fucking ridiculous we’ve been.” He’s telling Dabi half-truths, but it’s the only way for him to get his point across without exposing himself.

Oh, how it’s all coming together now.

Dabi’s watching him, his eyes wide and frightened. There’s so much fear painted over his face that Hawks doesn’t even know what to do with.

“I just asked you for a few days. A few days to get back at my father. Why couldn’t you give me at least that?” There’s something broken in Dabi’s voice that runs much deeper, beyond what he's just said. He looks haunted. Hawks steps closer to him, but Dabi flinches away. “And you’re still looking at me like that. Fuck you, Hawks. You know what? I should have asked Shigaraki,” Dabi says through gritted teeth. Maybe he doesn’t mean his words, but Hawks feels like he’s just been slapped nevertheless. He doesn’t even understand where Dabi’s anger is coming from.

After all, having their cover blown wasn’t only Hawks’ fault.

Dabi leaves the room shaken up. He slams the door, making Hawks wince.

***

At night, Dabi doesn’t come back and the bed feels awfully cold and way too big for Hawks.

He thinks that maybe it’s for the better, that they need some space. Besides, he wished to be left alone and he’s got it now. He should use this opportunity and clear his mind. He should be relieved.

And if so, then why does he feel so empty?

***

Dabi comes back the next morning, startling Hawks. He doesn’t spare him a single glance and when Hawks greets him with a weak hi, he doesn’t respond. Dabi disappears in the bathroom soon after and Hawks feels like the fight they had yesterday was much more serious than he thought.

He assumed they were simply lashing out on each other, but that they’d find their way back to one another like they always do. Yet, it’s been hours to cool down and Dabi appears to be just as mad and hurt. Hawks can’t quite understand why, but Dabi tends to handle negative emotions badly.

Hawks can’t help but feel hollow when Dabi continues to give him the silent treatment. The quiet between them is eerie, unfamiliar and feels uncomfortable. Back at the flat, they’d fight over the mess or some mundane things like that just to talk about a new game coming out soon without even mentioning their conflict.

Maybe the fact that they would so easily move on from any fights and have never learned how to deal with situations like this makes it so much more unbearable.

“Are you seriously going to stay mad?” Hawks asks, nudging Dabi with his foot. It’s been a whole day and they haven’t spoken to each other at all. “Where did you go last night?”

His heart is beating fast and he feels like throwing up because Dabi won’t look at him and he must have truly fucked up if that’s what’s happening.

Dabi never pushed him away, no matter how much he was hurting and cursing other people out. But what if Hawks is the cause? It’s never happened before, not to this extent.

“Your father still thinks we’re dating and the whole thing will be done in two days.”

He gets an eye-roll in return. Dabi gets up from the bed. Hawks keeps his eyes on him, hoping to get a word out of him, but then Dabi leaves, muttering something under his breath.

Dabi and his father are a touchy matter. Hawks has just ruined his carefully crafted plan to rile the man up. Of course, that would get to him.

The distance feels much worse than all the pretending did. Weird.

Hawks busies himself with unnecessary things, goes through the syllabus for the semester and checks his email. He glances towards the door every time he hears footsteps outside, but it’s never Dabi.

He goes through their fight, again and again, trying to understand what exactly made Dabi so mad. It can’t be just the fact that Shouto knows. Maybe it’s that Hawks was hiding it from him?

He can’t think of a single reason behind Dabi’s odd behaviour. It’s Hawks whose heart was broken, yet Dabi is acting like more than his pride has been wounded.

When he finally comes back, Hawks is half-asleep. He hears Dabi changing and getting into the bed through the haze in his mind.

The next morning they’re on the opposite sides of the bed and Dabi is curled in on himself, just like at the beginning. It stings.

Hawks leaves the room first, tired of this situation.

***

He goes on a walk, buys himself a cup coffee and calls Rumi after leaving her in the dark for days. He recalls everything that’s happened in the last few days. From the drunken make-out session that made him spiral to Dabi’s cold attitude. Swallowing coffee comes with a lot of effort, but he feels much lighter after he gets it all off his chest.

“I think he’s just hurt that his plan didn’t work out and the only person he trusts turned his back on him too,” Rumi eventually says.

“I didn’t turn my back on him,” Hawks replies, his tone defensive.

“But it sure looks like it to him. You stopped playing along, basically told him that his revenge on his father was shit from the beginning. He doesn’t know you’re sulking because the pretending got a little too real for you,” she pauses and Hawks hears rustling and clinking of plates from the other side. "He thinks that the only person who always had his back just betrayed him. The fact that you didn’t tell him about his brother knowing only adds more fuel.”

Well, all those words make a lot of sense. Hawks hasn’t even considered that option, but it sounds pretty plausible.

“How do I fix it? He won’t even look at me,” Hawks mumbles, kicking a random rock to the side.

“Just tell him the truth,” Rumi says calmly.

“Fuck no.”

“I don’t see any other option. From what you’ve said I don’t think he’s just going to get over it. So being honest is the way to go.”

“I might lose him.”

“You might lose him if you don’t say anything,” she states gently and Hawks wishes she was here with him. Turns out he’s completely useless all on his own. “Remember that when you get back, it’s still going to be the two of you in a tiny room.”

Yeah, that complicates things further, but at the same time is a guarantee that Dabi won’t ghost him. At least for the next few months that they’re renting the room together.

Hawks groans, pressing his hand to his forehead. “Why did I ever come here?”

Rumi barks out a laugh. “I called it. You got yourself into this shit.”

They talk for a good hour after that, jumping from one topic to another. They make plans to meet the next week and Rumi gushes about a girl she’s been talking to recently. It takes his mind off his problems for a bit and by the time their call is finished, he’s not feeling as dreadful as before.

He walks along the seashore, takes a few pictures and orders lunch at the resort.

“Oh, here you are,” Fuyumi says excitedly, sitting down when he’s stuffing his mouth with chicken.

He looks up at her, surprised by her sudden appearance and swallows. “Hey?”

“Okay, so I know you and Dabi are having a ‘situation’,” she makes air-quotes around the last word, “but tomorrow night we’re having dinner with dad before we all leave and never speak of this terrible vacation ever again. You know how their interactions were on Dabi’s good days and now he’s on edge so I want to ask you for a favour,” she says all in one breath, gesturing animatedly.

Hawks raises an eyebrow at her, confused. She’s been rather quiet before. That’s a new side he’s seeing of her.

“Yeah?”

“If things get out of hand, like really out of hand, please take him away from there even if he protests. When he gets like this he wants to provoke and be angry, but in the end, picking a fight with our father will only be bad for him,” she says, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose and looks at him pleadingly. “He’s more likely to go with you than any of us. Just keep an eye on him. I’m not saying the worst will come, but you know.” She looks at him pointedly and yeah, he does know. He’s been through it, just not first-hand.

“No worries.”

Hawks thinks it’s over and she will leave now, but she keeps throwing concerned glances his way. He catches her gaze and nods at her to go on.

“Is it very serious with you two? He even stayed the night at mine and then spent the whole day with Natsuo.”

Hawks sighs with relief. It’s reassuring to know that Dabi’s been finding shelter with his siblings, though he doesn’t miss the fact that Shouto hasn’t been mentioned.

“It is serious,” Hawks says, resting his chin on his palm. “But I’m sure we will work it out.” He smiles at her sadly.

He’s not that certain about it, but he wants to stay optimistic.

Fuyumi covers his free hand with her own and squeezes. “You’re right. I was just getting worried because he wouldn’t tell me anything. You know how he is,” she jokes, waving her hand around vaguely.

True, Dabi and opening up? A nice concept, but unrealistic. He will only talk if he wants to and if someone pushes him too hard, it’ll only make things worse. Hawks knows it’s not healthy and he tried to talk about it with him many times, but Dabi would only brush it off on a good day and glare at him on a bad one.

Hawks is only able to read him so well without any words because of how long they’ve been by each other’s side. And even that is hard sometimes. Like now, for example.

When he returns to their room, Dabi is nowhere to be seen. He can’t shake off his disappointment even though he’s not exactly sure what he would do if Dabi was there.

Everything just feels empty and wrong without him.

***

When Hawks opens his eyes the next morning, he realises that in around twenty four hours he will be on his way home and this nightmare will have ended. It feels surreal, to be quite honest. This whole vacation has gone for so long that Hawks wasn’t even sure it had an end and yet here he is. A completely different man than when it all started.

He turns on his side and sees Dabi’s hair peeking out of his cocoon. Hawks’ nights have grown colder without Dabi next to him. He watches the steady rise and fall of Dabi’s blankets and his fingers flex, itching to reach out.

He needs to fix it somehow or there won’t be any turning back from this.

***

Shouto visits them in the afternoon, only a couple hours from their final dinner.

Completely ignoring the tension between Dabi and Hawks, he unceremoniously makes himself comfortable at the foot of their bed.

“So you’re not speaking with each other,” Shouto states lazily, his eyes glued to his phone.

The atmosphere was bad enough without him in the room but has gone drastically awkward ever since he came. Dabi’s been reading a book, barely acknowledging his brother and Hawks has been munching on peanuts, too lazy to get something else to eat.

“It’s dumb,” Shouto concludes after neither of them says anything. Hawks is too embarrassed and Dabi. Well, is being his usual self. “Has he told you or something?” Shouto addresses Dabi, making him clench his jaw.

Hawks makes a distressed noise and Shouto looks over to him, an understanding dawning over his face.

“I don’t understand the reason why, then.”

“It’s complicated,” Hawks says and Dabi snorts in reply. It’s the first direct reaction he’s gotten from him in almost two days.

“It’s adults’ business, you wouldn’t get it,” Dabi mutters, turning a page in his book.

Shouto scoffs. “If that’s how adults act then I don’t want to become one.” He heaves a sigh out and hops off the bed. “You’re my brother, and you,” he nods at Hawks, “my friend. So better sort it out because it’s getting ridiculous. Just talk with each other.”

They stare at him for the longest moment and he clicks his tongue before leaving the room, annoyed.

Instinctively, Hawks glances at Dabi and finds his gaze. They share a look before Dabi catches himself and his eyes snap back to the book.

“Are you sure I should go with you tonight?” Hawks tries weakly. He remembers his promise to Fuyumi, but if Dabi tells him not to go, he’s not going to argue.

Dabi stays quiet as expected and Hawks is certain he won’t get any answer at all, but then he utters, “Sure, whatever. I don’t care.”

Well, that’s relieving.

***

Hawks feels a strong sense of déjà vu when he sits down at the table and meets Enji’s unimpressed glare. They’re all seated by the same table, only this time Shouto has settled next to Hawks and Dabi, while Fuyumi and Natsuo are having the displeasure of being by their father.

The table is full of dishes and the air around them is just as thick as the first time. The only difference is that Dabi doesn’t try to put a smile on and Hawks is going through a heartbreak.

Much to everyone’s relief, no one starts fighting and they all begin eating in uncomfortable silence. Hawks notices that Dabi doesn’t put anything on his plate and does it for him out of habit, accidentally playing his role of being Dabi’s boyfriend in the process.

Dabi tsks at him, but doesn’t say anything nor does he start eating. Hawks does so, but the food doesn’t taste good when he’s feeling like shit. He’s going through motions, barely paying attention to his meal.

He thinks that maybe the siblings would be more talkative if only Dabi was in a good mood. So now he and Hawks are responsible for the tension. More or less because it’s impossible to be fully comfortable when Enji is around.

Eventually, Dabi starts jabbing his curry aggressively with his chopsticks, his eyebrows drawn together. Hawks helplessly watches him out of the corner of his eye. The fact that Enji must have caught up on something, if his knowing looks are anything to go by, only makes matters worse.

He is way too happy about it and Hawks wants to punch the smugness off his face.

Shouto clears his throat and each one of them looks up at him when he suddenly stands up.

“I have something to share.” He looks composed, but his hands that are lying flat on the table are trembling slightly. He stares at his father. “I will not get involved with your company. I think I’ve made myself clear before, but saying it directly is just as important. I reject being your heir and after this vacation is over I’m planning to cut all my ties to you,” he says, his tone steady. He takes another breath. “Also, I’m gay and I’m dating the son of your biggest rival.” Enji slams his fist against the table, making them all flinch. “I’m not with him to spite you, but because we genuinely like each other.” If Hawks isn’t mistaken, Shouto’s eyes land on him and Dabi for a brief second before jumping back to his fuming father. “I figured I should tell you before you find out through other means. That’s all,” he finishes and sits back down, returning to his meal as if nothing’s just happened. Though Hawks sees how Shouto’s grip around his chopsticks tightens, making his knuckles turn white.

The table stays dead silent, with even Dabi looking at Shouto in amazement.

Hawks knocks the boy’s ankle with his foot, hopeful it’ll convey his support and sees the corners of Shouto’s mouth twitch up.

“It’s your fault,” sounds dangerously over the table and when Hawks’ gaze snaps to Enji, the man is looking straight at Dabi.

“How’s that my fault? What the fuck,” Dabi spits out.

“You’ve always been going against my word, driving them away from me and now you influenced Shouto, too.”

Dabi laughs dryly. “Are you hearing yourself now? I didn’t turn him gay. If anything, it’s your fucking genes.”

“I’ve had enough of you, Touya,” Enji snaps back, his nostrils flaring.

It happens way too quickly for Hawks to stop it.

Dabi grabs his glass of water and in a swift move, pours it over Enji’s face. Fuyumi gasps, Natsuo lets out a surprised yelp and even Shouto looks in panic at his brother.

“My name is Dabi.” He puts the empty glass on the table. “I didn’t do anything. Stop blaming me for your mistakes,” Dabi grits out.

And honestly, Hawks shouldn’t have expected this dinner to go any differently.

“Thanks to you this family is fucked up and we all hate each other.” Dabi gestures towards his siblings. “They all hate me because I couldn’t do what I was supposed to and they were forced through hell, we hate Fuyumi for always standing up for you, Natsuo for fucking off to boarding school when things started going south and Shouto for being your golden child. And Shouto hates us for failing him because if one of us had obeyed you, you’d have left him alone.” Through his whole monologue, his voice is shaky, but he keeps going. “And of course we hate mom for letting you fuck us up and then leaving us after you made her lose it. But most importantly, we hate you. I hate you so much I could kill you.” He lets out a humourless chuckle, shrugging. “But sure, blame me.”

“I should have left you to die when I had the occasion. You’re just like your mother. Pathetically weak,” Enji says, his words venomous.

Dabi snarls and stands up so suddenly, his chair falls on the floor. He leans against the table, maniacal smile stretching his lips. “You should have. But you didn’t,” he says coldly. “I’m glad I’m nothing like you,” he adds as an afterthought and pushes himself away from the table. He turns on his heel and heads for the exit, ignoring all the looks he’s getting from other customers.

Hawks is sitting there, completely frozen until Fuyumi catches his gaze and looks at him meaningfully, nodding in the direction Dabi has gone to.

That brings Hawks back and he excuses himself from the table even though it’s not really necessary. He follows Dabi, hoping he hasn’t gone too far for him to lose him.

He eventually catches up to him and Hawks lets out a sigh of relief. “Wait!”

He reaches his hand out towards Dabi’s shoulder, but Dabi shakes him off.

“Fuck off,” Dabi spits out and continues walking.

“I won’t,” Hawks insists, his tone petulant and Dabi stops in his tracks.

He turns around, baring his teeth. “Didn’t you say it yourself? It’s all fake! So stop following me around. Stop fussing,” Dabi cries out, his eyes wild.

“We’re still friends. I care about you!” Hawks yells back with as much emotion as possible.

Dabi snorts at him. “I don’t care. I don’t need you.” Having said that, he starts walking away.

This time, Hawks doesn’t follow, too stunned to move.

***

He’s numb but eventually moves from the spot Dabi left him at. He texts Shouto to ask if everything is okay. Turns out that they didn’t finish their dinner. What a surprise, Hawks thinks bitterly.

He’s not sure where Dabi has wandered off to, but he avoids going back to the resort for a while, figuring out that Dabi needs some time for himself to cool down. They’ve already fought enough and shouted bad things at each other. Hawks knows when to back away and stop pushing.

Sure, Dabi’s words were vile and hurt Hawks, but he doesn’t believe them. They fucked with his head right after Dabi said them, but having a few moments to think, Hawks decides they’re not worth crying over. Not that he cried. Out of the two of them, Dabi is more of a crier.

Maybe if they weren’t fighting right now and Dabi wasn’t in an awful place mentally, he’d be prone to believe him, but when he’s yelled them at his most vulnerable, after years of proving otherwise, Hawks just can’t take them to heart. And maybe that’s what distinguishes him from other people that turned away from Dabi when he started acting up. He knows how Dabi operates and can see right through him.

Dabi’s already asleep when Hawks comes back.

He smiles under his nose, happy that Dabi hasn’t done something stupid. It’s good. No matter where they stand now, he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him.

Hawks takes his clothes off and gets into the bed, deciding that they will sort things out. Despite what Enji believes, Dabi’s not a lost cause and Hawks isn’t going to give up on what they have. He will talk with him tomorrow, tell him the truth if that’s what it takes.

***

It’s pitch black when Hawks blinks his eyes open and it takes him a moment to realise that he’s been woken up by sobbing and Dabi violently tossing around next to him.

Hawks sits up, drowsy and worried. It’s been so long since Dabi had a nightmare like that. They were frequent through most of their teenage years and right after they moved in together, but recently they’ve become rare.

Everything that has happened throughout their stay here and the last evening’s event must have triggered Dabi.

Hawks grabs him by the shoulders and shakes gently, trying to wake him up. After a while, Dabi’s eyes snap open and he starts desperately gulping for air, panicked.

Hawks helps him into a sitting position and forces him to look at him. He’s done it so many times in the past that it comes to him like second nature at this point.

Cradling Dabi’s head in his palms, Hawks murmurs gently, “Your name is Dabi. You’re twenty-four. You’re in a hotel room. You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you. I’m Hawks, your best friend. Can you repeat?”

Dabi blinks at him, his breathing uneven. He’s shivering and Hawks can feel his fluttering pulse under his fingertips. Dabi’s eyes scan over Hawks’ face, scared and unfocused.

“Your father won’t hurt you,” Hawks adds, his voice calm. He grabs Dabi’s right hand and presses his index and middle fingers to his own pulse. “Breathe with me,” he says.

It takes long minutes for Dabi’s breathing to calm down and his expression to become more present. When the worst passes, Hawks tries again. “Your name is Dabi. You’re twenty-four. You’re in a hotel room. Your father won’t hurt you here.”

“My name is Dabi, I’m twenty-four. I’m in a– in a hotel room.” Dabi takes a deep, shaky breath. “My father won’t hurt me here,” he says weakly.

His fingers on Hawks’ neck are trembling.

“You’re safe,” Hawks repeats for a good measure.

“I’m safe,” Dabi lets out and a few tears trail down his cheeks. Hawks wipes them with his thumbs, watching Dabi in concern.

“Do you want to go on a walk?” Hawks asks, biting down on his lower lip. Dabi nods jerkily.

They put their shoes on and Hawks slowly leads Dabi out of the room, gripping his hand.

“Do you want to go to the pool?” Water may have a calming effect on Dabi. It’s worth the try.

“Yeah,” Dabi breathes out, avoiding Hawks’ gaze.

They take the stairs instead of the elevator. Hawks figures out that the latter could stress Dabi out. The walk down and the rhythmical tap-tap of their feet hitting the steps put Hawks at ease. They don’t talk and Dabi’s palm becomes clammy. Hawks doesn’t loosen his hold.

He breathes with relief when they reach the pool, hoping that no one is going to make them leave.

They sit cross-legged on the edge of the biggest pool, facing each other. The place is lit up and there are weak waves on the surface of the water, caused by the wind. Dabi’s face is pale, his eyes glinting with unshed tears.

Hawks grabs his hands, surprised by how cold they are. He hasn’t noticed it when they were descending the stairs. He brings them up to his face and blows some air on them to warm them up.

Dabi is avoiding his eyes, shame written all over his face.

“Was it really bad?” Hawks asks, putting their hands in his lap. Dabi’s not pulling away so that’s a good sign.

“I don’t even remember.” Dabi sniffs, his head dropping down. “Just fire. A lot of fire on my skin.”

When they were younger, Dabi’s neck and arms and later other parts of his body would be covered in bandages. His burns would take weeks if not months to recover. The scars are mostly hidden by tattoos now, but they haven’t disappeared, still very much obvious to the touch.

Enji had his ways of dealing with Dabi when he was unhappy about something.

“I’m sorry,” Hawks says helplessly. Dabi doesn’t say anything, but leans forward and presses his face against Hawks’ shoulder.

It’s his way of saying hold me when he’s too prideful to voice it out loud.

Hawks wraps his arms around Dabi, reluctantly letting go of his hands and sighs. Dabi’s shoulders shake slightly and Hawks can feel his shirt dampen. He runs his hand through Dabi’s hair, resting his chin on top of his head.

The only things that can be heard are Dabi’s watery breaths and the soft hum of the wind. Hawks closes his eyes, tightening his hold around him.

“Baby, can’t you see? I’m calling, a guy like you should wear a warning. It’s dangerous, I’m falling.” Dabi stills in his arms. Hawks clears his throat and continues weakly, “There's no escape. I can't wait. I need a hit. Baby, give me it. You're dangerous, I'm loving it.” An acoustic version of Toxic may be a questionable way of cheering someone up after a violent nightmare, but Hawks is trying, okay?

Dabi pulls away, enough to look at him. He blinks in confusion. Hawks winks at him in reply.

“Too high. Can't come down.” He puts a hand over his forehead dramatically, pretending to fan himself with the other one. “Losin' my head. Spinnin' 'round and 'round.” Hawks shakes his head exaggeratedly and then moves his face close to Dabi’s, smirking suggestively. “Do you feel me now?” He pokes Dabi on the nose, making him go cross-eyed for a second.

Hawks moves away, wiggling his eyebrows. He notices that Dabi looks more relaxed. Less pained, amusement flickering in his eyes instead.

“With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride,” Hawks croons, sliding his hand down Dabi’s chest and batting his eyelashes. “You're toxic, I'm slippin' under.” He dips his palm in the pool and then moves away, spraying Dabi with water and making him scrunch his nose up. Hawks grins and falls down on his other side with an ‘oof’. “With a taste of a poison paradise.” He looks up at Dabi who snorts in disbelief. “I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic?” He sits up and opens his mouth to go on, but Dabi puts his palm over his lips, shaking his head. Hawks giggles, trying to get away, but stops struggling when their eyes meet and he swears he can see the stars in Dabi’s.

“You’re really something, aren’t you?” Dabi asks, looking fondly at him and removes his hand. “You still can’t sing for shit, though,” he adds.

“But it worked, didn’t it?” Hawks gazes at him meaningfully.

Dabi hesitates for a moment, then lets out a quiet, “I guess it did.” He scratches the side of his neck awkwardly, his eyes never leaving Hawks’ for a moment. “I’m sorry for what I said before. None of it was true,” he admits.

Hawks hits him half-heartedly on the chest. “I know but I’m glad you’re sorry. Does that mean we can talk again?” he asks, feeling anxious all of a sudden.

Dabi clamps his mouth shut. He looks to the side and then back at Hawks. His eyes are huge and terrified in a completely different way than before. He inhales sharply. “I think I like you,” Dabi mumbles under his breath.

If it was a movie, the camera would pan to Hawks now and there would be a dramatic close up of his wide eyes and his lips parting in surprise.

He blinks a couple of times, but when Dabi doesn’t take his words back and the weight of them hits him, Hawks lets out a weak chuckle.

“It’s funny,” he whispers, cursing himself for the wording when Dabi winces.

“Is it?” Dabi asks, his voice bitter and eyes downcast.

Hawks tilts his chin up, forcing Dabi to look at him again and with a soft smile, he whispers, “Yeah, because I know I love you.”

Dabi stares at him in shock, his breath hitching in his throat and Hawks wishes it didn’t feel as good as it does.

“You do?” Dabi asks meekly and Hawks nods. Dabi flushes and looks down in embarrassment. “I’ve only realised recently. With this whole fake boyfriend deal. Made me look at you in a new light. It’s dumb. I didn’t know what to do with it, especially when you said it was fake. I’m not good at feelings, as you know,” he says self-deprecatingly and scoffs.

“Oh, you don’t say.”

Dabi head-butts him gently and then stays there, pressing his forehead to Hawks’. He catches his gaze and licks his lips. “I remember that night we got drunk. But you didn’t say anything so I figured out you didn’t want this.”

Hawks whines. If only Dabi had said something, it would have saved them so much trouble. The last few days wouldn’t have gone the way they did.

“I didn’t say anything for the same reason.”

Dabi chuckles. “Takes one idiot to know one.”

Hawks’ heart stops aching and he grins. “Yeah,” he breathes out, staring into Dabi’s eyes.

***

Later, when they’re back in bed, lying side by side, their knuckles brushing ever so slightly, Hawks says quietly, “Are we together now?”

He can’t help feeling insecure after all these years.

Dabi rolls over to him and throws his arm over Hawks’ chest. “Thought you’d never ask,” he murmurs sleepily. “Yes.”

Hawks smiles to himself. He knows there’s still a lot to talk about and sort out, but he can feel himself already drifting off. There will be another day.

Days.

That’s a happy thought.

***

Waking up to Dabi staring at him makes something flutter in his chest and he hides his face in the pillow with a groan.

“Have you been watching me sleep?” he mumbles.

“Yeah,” Dabi replies, putting his hand on the side of Hawks’ face. He scratches him lightly behind his ear and Hawks melts.

“A creep,” he says, but there’s no malice in his voice. He moves his head away from the pillow and peeks an eye open. Dabi looks giddy despite such an early hour.

It’s the first time Hawks doesn’t feel heavy with misery after waking up next to him.

“Can we take things slowly?” Hawks asks, his words coming out strained. Dabi tenses and almost pulls his hand away. Hawks stops him, covering his palm with his own. He nuzzles into the touch. “I’m just scared. But I want you.”

Dabi’s fingers flex.

“I’m scared too. I won’t rush you. I’m not good at this shit so…” he trails off and shrugs. “Does that mean I can’t kiss you?”

Hawks hums thoughtfully and then grins. “You can.”

“Great,” Dabi whispers.

They stare at each other in silence, Dabi’s fingers intertwined with Hawks’, splayed out over his cheek.

Dabi sighs. “Thank you,” he breathes out.

Hawks frowns. “What for?”

“Giving me a chance,” Dabi replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

Hawks moves closer to him and nudges him with his foot. “Right back at you,” he says. Maybe one day he will tell Dabi about how he’s been pining for him day and night for years. But it’s not necessary at the moment.

“I think you were right.” He looks at Hawks seriously. “Coming here fucked me up more than I expected.” He shakes his head and lets out a humourless snort. “I’m gonna try to live more for myself from now on. Shouto’s speech yesterday made me realise that life is about more than just pissing my father off,” he admits honestly.

Hawks bites on his bottom lip, resisting the urge to smile.

“Good. I’ve been telling you for years but your brother had to disown himself for you to get it,” he teases and earns himself a flick in the ear.

“Shut up,” Dabi mutters and kicks Hawks playfully in the shin. “It’s going to be weird now. We’ve been friends for so long.”

Hawks rolls his eyes. Dabi wasn’t bothered by kissing and acting affectionately with him, but when actual feelings are involved he thinks they won’t handle it. Typical.

“We will manage,” he only says. And the way Dabi looks at him now, tells Hawks that he believes him. It’s all he could ask for.

***

Things felt great right after waking up, but then they had to pack their things up and get ready for their trip back home. It’s needless to say they are pretty tired, given how little they slept at night. But there’s a newfound resolve in them. They’re probably running on the relationship high. Hawks hopes it won’t wear off soon.

They’re currently putting their bags in Dabi’s car, with Dabi’s sleepy siblings watching them. Thankfully, Enji didn’t come to say goodbye. Not that anyone expected him to, especially after their last dinner.

Despite what Dabi said the day before, about all of them hating each other to some extent, Hawks watches Natsuo teasing Dabi and Fuyumi telling him to take care. Shouto says something and Dabi rolls his eyes.

They love each other, too. It’s just more complicated than with some families.

Hawks leans back against the car, not wanting to intrude. The scene looks familiar. Dabi is engrossed in a discussion with Fuyumi and Natsuo and he’s simply an observer. But this time he doesn’t feel left out or unwelcome.

Hawks doesn’t feel a bit surprised when Shouto appears by his side.

He nudges Hawks with his elbow. They watch Fuyumi scold her brothers for something with small smiles stretching their lips.

“So, you talked?” Shouto asks, throwing his way a curious glance.

“More or less,” Hawks says, pushing his sunglasses onto his head. He squints against the sun. “But we’re not pretending anymore.”

“What now?”

“We’ll see,” he replies simply.

They have time to figure it out. A whole lot of it.

“Make it worth it,” Shouto says.

Hawks catches Dabi’s gaze. They grin at each other and everything stops for a minute. Hawks’ heart is beating slowly. He feels warm.

“We will.”