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English
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Published:
2019-09-29
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544
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1/1
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i really do love you

Summary:

this is basically me fixing the end to episode 1, because I cannot stand the thought of knowing that Payton has to deal with River dead, so this is for everyone who wanted them to be together

Work Text:

"You don't even need any of this!" Payton exclaimed, "You're gonna go to college, and join the Peace Corps. This isn't gonna help you."

"I'm sorry," River said softly. Payton felt his heart racing. "I really did love you," River said, and Payton looked down and saw what River retrieved from his desk. It was a gun. Without even thinking, Payton grabbed his arm, yanking it out of his hand and throwing it to a corner of the room.

"No! Please don't do this to me, River, please." River looked at him, tears swimming in his eyes. River collapsed into his arms, holding him tightly, the way he always did.

"I'm so sorry, Payton. I just...I don't know what to do. I've always felt so lost and alone, and I-I just...."

"Hey, hey, shhhh," Payton shushed, trying to calm him down, "I'm right here, okay? Just please, can we talk about what's happening inside your head?" Payton felt his shirt getting wet from River's tears, and he rubbed his hand softly along River's back. After a few moments, River mumbled a "yes" and they both sat down on River's bed.

"River, whatever is happening, I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to help you feel even slightly better," Payton said, and he did genuinely mean that. He reached his hand up, wiping away a few of River's tears, like when River did the very same to him. River looked up at him, and gave a sweet smile.

"Payton, I just...I've always had depression, and I am pretty sure you knew that. For the past few months, it's only gotten worse, and I can't, I just....and to think that I was so selfish as to want to leave you behind..."

"River, please don't blame yourself, I wasn't paying attention to how you felt, and I cannot erase what happened between us, but the only way that you and I can both get through this is if we help each other, okay? You were always so good and warm to me, let me be the same to you, okay? Can I do that?" Payton asked.

"Yeah, alright. I think I can do that," River said.

"Can you please not do that again, I-I need you in my life and even when I'm angry, I can't imagine a world without you here, because I still--" River looked at him, gaze soft.

"You still...?" River asked, looking into Payton's eyes.

"I-I still....I still love you too," Payton said, "and I never stopped, I couldn't, not after everything that happened."

River, for the first time in perhaps a while, smiled a true genuine smile.

Payton looked down at anywhere but River, avoiding his pounding heart, how he remembered that only moments prior River was ready to die, and how now he was looking at Payton the way he always did, but this time perhaps with a little less grief. 

River smiled, and raised a hand to cup Payton's cheek, and Payton looked at him again, feeling his heart melt at that gentle face and kind heart that he had fallen in love with.

River leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Payton's temple.

Payton smiled.

"Let's work together, okay?"

River smiled.

"Okay."