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The first time Shouto told Izuku Midoriya that he liked him he was six years old.
He was sitting under a tree during recess. Today was his first day in a new school - his first time in an actual school - and he was nervous. Granny had reassured him that he would fit in fine with the other kids even though he transferred a month into the school year, but it wasn’t working that well. The teacher had introduced him to the class and asked him to share some things about himself, but Shouto had gotten so scared when he saw how many kids were in the class that he only managed a, “I like All Might,” before shutting up like a clam.
He pouted in his place under the tree and wrapped his arms tighter around his knees. The kids had all whispered about him as he walked toward his seat.
“His hair is weird.”
“What’s up with his eyes?”
“His scar is ugly”.
He bit his lip to stop himself from crying as he remembered his classmates’ words. His granny had reassured him about that too - she had said the kids in his class wouldn’t care about his scar. But she was wrong. Even under this tree at the corner of the schoolyard, he could still hear the other kids commenting about it when they got too close. But maybe he was just a dummy for believing her. After all, Granny and Grandpa couldn’t look him in the eyes after the night his mom poured the tea kettle on him, even after he moved in with them.
"Hi!" A cheery voice said. Shouto raised his eyes from the ground.
A boy was standing in front of him, blocking off the sun. His hair was wild and curly, a deep green shade like the leaves of the tree they were under. He had freckles over his nose and cheeks and he was wearing a t-shirt with All Might's picture on it.
“Hi,” Shouto said.
“I’m Izuku Midoriya,” the boy continued undeterred. “I’m in the same class as you.”
Shouto remembered him. He sat at the back of the class - Shouto's desk was next to his. (The kids had whispered about that too, that Shouto was ‘unlucky' to be seated next to ‘Deku'.)
“Shouto Yukimura.” Granny and Grandpa had made him practice saying their surname before he started school. Shouto had overheard them late at night saying how they didn’t want their grandchildren to use his name.
The boy giggled. It reminded Shouto of the mornings he would wake up in his mom’s bed after a bad dream and they would listen to the birds singing outside the window.
“I know that,” Izuku said. “Do you want to play with me?”
“Why aren’t you playing with the other kids?” Izuku winced and looked away. Shouto saw his bottom lip tremble and he remembered Grandpa ruffling his hair and telling him that he’s very blunt.
“They don’t like me very much,” Izuku mumbled, looking everywhere but at Shouto. There’s an uncomfortable feeling in Shouto’s stomach. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked that.
“A-and you looked lonely on your own,” Izuku said, his cheeks bright red. “But - but it’s okay if you don’t want to play with me!”
"I want to play," Shouto said. A wide smile spread across Izuku's face. He took hold of Shouto's wrist and pulled him along into the schoolyard.
The boy was mumbling again - he seemed to do that a lot - but Shouto wasn’t paying attention to him. Instead, his eyes were trained on Izuku’s tanned hand against his pale skin. He couldn’t remember the last time he played with someone his age. He wasn’t sure he ever had.
“Look, Midoriya is hanging out with the new kid,” another child said as she walked by Shouto and Izuku with her friends. Izuku’s fingers twitched against Shouto’s wrist and he let go.
“Maybe he thought that with a scar like that he would have no other choice,” another girl said. The children laughed, croaking like frogs. Izuku wasn’t looking at them - he was staring at the ground and his bottom lip was trembling again - but Shouto glared at them.
“Let the freaks play together,” the boy of the group said.
Shouto walked over to them, a small ball of ice forming in his right palm. The boy and one of the girls had their backs to him so they didn’t see him coming. He passed the ball of ice to his left hand, dropping it into the girl’s shirt, and slapped the boy on the nape, spreading frost over what little skin he could get to.
“You had a bug on you,” he said as the two children shivered at the cold. It was a very bad excuse, but the children went away so he didn’t really care.
“That was mean,” Izuku said when Shouto came back, but Shouto could see him fighting back his giggles.
He shrugged. “They were being mean too.”
“Was that your quirk?” Izuku’s eyes were shining and he almost vibrated with excitement.
Shouto nodded, holding up his hand and letting ice form. “I can control ice with my right side.” He didn’t mention his left side. He wouldn’t mind if he never used his power again. He might as well not have it.
Izuku's smile was so wide and bright Shouto wondered if it was in any way related to his quirk. "Woah, that's so cool!" Izuku took his eyes off his hand and turned to Shouto with the most determined expression Shouto had seen on a six-year-old. "And don't listen to them! Your scar is cool too!"
Shouto glanced away. “You don’t have to lie.”
Izuku gasped like Shouto had offended him. “I’m not lying! It makes you look like a hero!” His bottom lip stuck out in a pout. He looked ready to fight Shouto over this if he needed to. “Like you got hurt fighting a strong villain to save someone. I’m sure All Might has a ton of scars too!”
Izuku’s reaction to his scar was so different that his grandparents’ or Fuyumi’s that Shouto didn’t know what to say. He nodded, and that seemed to be good enough for the other boy because he smiled again.
“Do you want to play heroes?” Izuku asked.
Shouto nodded. “Do you want to be the hero?”
Izuku’s eyes widened so much Shouto was surprised they didn’t fall out. Izuku was smiling like All Might had just shown up. “Really?”
Shouto nodded. “Yeah.” He didn’t understand why Izuku was so excited. Natsuo said that this was a very common game.
Izuku seemed to realize how he reacted because he blushed again and started mumbling apologies. “Ah! I’m sorry for that, that must have been weird. They don’t normally let me play the hero.”
“Why?”
Izuku looked away. “I…” Izuku’s fists tightened around the fabric of his t-shirt. He whispered his next words, like he didn’t want to say them. “I don’t have a quirk.”
Oh. “You’re lucky,” Shouto said.
“What- How am I lucky for being quirkless?” Izuku was - not angry, because Shouto had seen angry and this was not it - but he was taken aback. Confused.
"There are no expectations for you," Shouto said. "No one will say ‘oh, you have to be this because your quirk is this'." He didn't remember how many times he wished he was qurikless when he would take him to train. “You can be whatever you want.”
Izuku glanced over to the other side of the schoolyard, at a loud blond boy Shouto saw in his class. He looked like one of those angry, small puffy dogs Granny used to have. “They say I need a quirk to be a hero.”
“They’re stupid,” Shouto said and Izuku gasped the way Granny did when Shouto said a bad word. “You don’t need to a strong quirk to be a hero, you need…” Shouto thought of his dad, how much he hurt mommy and him. He had a strong quirk, but Shouto hated it when people called him a hero. Heroes weren’t scary. Heroes were like…
“You need to be like All Might!” He said decidedly. “Smile, be kind and help people.”
Izuku had already done the first two. And he was the only one who offered to play with Shouto, so he would count that as the third one. He was doing a better job than his dad did.
Izuku’s eyes glistened with tears and Shouto was afraid he said something wrong. “You mean it?”
Shouto nodded, trying to look as serious as he could. “Yes.”
Izuku’s smile wasn’t as big now as it was before, but it was still blinding. “Thank you!”
They played after that until recess was over. Shouto pretended to be a kidnapped civilian that was trying to hide from the villain while Izuku was the hero trying to find Shouto and rescue him. They didn’t have a third person to be the villain, but they had fun regardless. Shouto really liked it.
Izuku turned to him while they were walking back to class. “Yukimura-kun-”
“Shouto,” he interrupted him. “You can call me Shouto.”
Izuku grinned. “Then you can call me Izuku! Do you want to be friends, Shouchan?”
Shouto’s smile wasn’t as wide as Izuku’s - he wasn’t sure he could smile like that - but it was still there. “Yes.”
“Really?” Izuku did that a lot, Shouto noted. He kept asking to make sure if Shouto was serious. Shouto didn’t understand why, but he felt that he wouldn’t like the answer.
“Yes. You’re nice, I like you.”
~*~
The second time they were ten.
It was lunch break and they were eating on Izuku's desk like always. Well, Shouto was eating. Izuku was excitedly going on and on about a hero fight he caught on TV and the notes he took on it. Shouto had to remind him to eat from time to time, but otherwise, he was glad to let him talk. He liked listening to Izuku ramble.
A pair of hands slammed down on their desk and their bentos rattled. “How’s your lunch going, losers?”
Bakugou. Of course.
Izuku said nothing, his eyes trained on his food. He looked ready to run away; he always did when Bakugou decided to be a jerk. Shouto wished he would stand up to him more, but with how badly Bakugou treated him, he couldn’t really blame him.
“Pretty well,” Shouto said with his most monotone voice. Bakugou seethed. He hated it when people didn’t become emotional over his taunts. “But there’s a bug on our desk now,” he added, looking Bakugou in the eyes.
Sparks went off near Bakugou’s palms. Izuku flinched away. “You heard him, Deku. Beat it.”
Shouto wanted to glare at Bakugou so much. He hated how afraid Bakugou made Izuku, and what he must have done to earn that fear. But he didn’t, because remaining emotionless annoyed Bakugou more. “I was talking about you, actually. Was it too hard to understand?”
Bakugou leaned in Shouto’s personal space, like an angry duck flapping its wings. “You think you’re smart, scarface?” Izuku flinched again and Shouto nudged his leg with his foot, it’s ok.
“Yes,” he said, picking up some of his food for good measure. Bakugou was fuming. “I got better grades than you, right?”
Bakugou’s palms sparked again. “You’re still stupid if you’re friends with Deku.”
Shouto opened his mouth to speak but Izuku kicked him under the desk. He shook his head slightly. “Leave us alone, Bakugou,” Shouto said instead of what he was thinking. He wanted to tell off Bakugou for how he treated his best friend, but Izuku was uncomfortable and that was more important.
Even if he didn’t agree with Izuku’s reasons.
Bakugou’s laugh was like a dog’s bark (he still reminded Shouto of a pomeranian). “You’re only his friend because he’s useless and it makes you feel better about your stupid self!”
Shouto was always annoyed when Bakugou opened his mouth. Normally, Izuku was the only one who knew him well enough to pick up on it. Right now, he was furious, and Izuku saw that too. He shook his head again.
That frustrated him even more. Izuku was always quick to defend Shouto when Bakugou went after him, his split hair, his scar. When Shouto tried to do the same and defend Izuku, Izuku acted like he wasn’t worth it.
It was stupid.
“Not everyone has friends for the same reasons as you,” he spat at Bakugou.
“What did you say?” Bakugou growled at him. He was so close their foreheads were almost touching.
“You heard me,” Shouto said. He made sure to speak slowly so Bakugou could understand it. “You’re a bully and you have the personality of a wet paper bag.”
Bakugou headbutted him. Before Shouto knew it they were on the floor, fighting in the uncoordinated, elbow-filled way of school children perfectly content with playing dirty if it meant they got a hit in. Shouto got more than one hit in before the teacher separated them.
He didn’t pay attention as the teacher scolded them. His eyes were on Bakugou and when his classmate met his eyes, Shouto blew him a raspberry.
A low hit, but it felt good.
The teacher told Izuku to take Shouto to the nurse, and the two of them left the classroom.
Shouto expected Izuku to tell him off for antagonizing Bakugou, but he said nothing. The silence felt unnatural between them and Shouto’s worry grew. He didn’t believe Bakugou, did he?
“You know what Bakugou said isn’t true, right?” His voice sounded too loud in the empty hallway, but he had to make sure. He couldn’t let Izuku believe Bakugou’s nonsense. “I’m your friend because I like you.”
Izuku blushed and looked away. Even after knowing each other for so long, he still got flustered by how blunt Shouto could be. “I know that,” he said. And then, “You didn’t have to do that.”
Shouto bumped their shoulders together. It hurt a little, but that wasn’t important. “Of course I did. You’re my best friend.”
Izuku giggled. Granny would make him promise not to get into a fight again when he went home, but Shouto would still do it all over if it made Izuku laugh.
“Come on, stupid,” Izuku said. “Let’s get you to the nurse’s office.”
~*~
The third time they were twelve.
They were alone in Izuku's house, studying in the living room for an upcoming English test. Well, Shouto was the only one who needed to study. Izuku was the best in English in their class, largely because of how many hero videos he watched online that were in English. If you asked Shouto, Izuku could probably ace the test without studying this much, but Izuku refused to let Shouto study on his own.
Shouto looked up from his notebook, having finished the exercise he was doing. Izuku was hunched over his own practice test, one hand buried in his green curls as he read the text. Izuku’s hair always looks so soft, Shouto thought. He knew it was that soft too, had felt it against his neck when they watched movies together late at night at sleepovers and Izuku dozed off against Shouto's shoulder. His fingers tingled and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to reach out and play with Izuku's curls. His cheeks felt hot.
“Here,” he said, pushing his notebook toward Izuku. Izuku checked over his work and Shouto took the opportunity to calm down. What was that? It didn’t feel like he was losing control of the old man’s quirk - and thank god for that, because even after six years of friendship he had never mentioned to Izuku that his quirk wasn’t just controlling ice.
But if it wasn’t his quirk, then what was that just now?
“You did better this time,” Izuku said happily, oblivious to Shouto’s confusion. “You mixed up this part…” Izuku scooted closer so he could show Shouto the things he had circled. Shouto knew he should be paying attention to what Izuku was saying - the whole purpose of this study session was for Izuku to help him with the things he didn’t understand - but he couldn’t stay focused. Izuku was so close.
And that shouldn't have been an issue! They had been best friends for half of their lives - the good half of Shouto's life. They had shared a bed at sleepovers and took baths together and sat squished together on the bus at every field trip. Izuku was one of the few people Shouto was comfortable being so close to, so why did Izuku's shoulder pressing against his feel so revolutionary?
“Shouchan?” Izuku’s voice snapped him back to the present. Izuku’s eyes darted all over Shouto, they always did when Izuku thought there was something wrong he had to fix. “Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah.” Damn Izuku for being so attentive. Couldn’t a boy have a freak-out in peace? “I’m just hungry.”
Izuku perked up, his eyes shining. He was always so happy to help people, no matter what it was about. Shouto’s chest felt warm, and at least this emotion he recognized. Pride. He’s going to be a great hero.
“You’re right, it’s gotten late,” Izuku said, standing up. “I’ll go get the food ready. Can you set the table?”
“Yeah.”
Shouto pushed his weird feelings to the back of his mind and focused on the task at hand. He had been at Izuku’s so often he knew where everything was. It was like a second home; somewhere quiet and safe to escape to when things at home got too chaotic.
(Not that he didn’t love his home. It was certainly better than living in the sperm donor’s house. But as much as he loved his grandparents and his siblings, living with another five people in a house meant for three could be a lot.)
They danced around each other in the small kitchen, getting everything they needed. Shouto caught Izuku putting soba in to boil. He smiled to himself as he set down their glasses. Izuku didn't have to make Shouto's favorite - he wouldn't mind if eating sandwiches as long as he ate them with Izuku - but his friend's effort made his stomach feel funny.
It wasn’t a bad feeling, though. Shouto kind of liked it.
Shouto had just set the last thing on the table when Izuku screamed. He rushed to him immediately. Izuku was clutching his red hand. The pot of soba was off the stove and some water was splashed against the counter.
Shouto’s heart dropped to the floor. No.
“It’s okay, it’s just some water,” Izuku said through gritted teeth. It obviously wasn’t, and Shouto would have slapped him if he wasn’t this close to panic.
He glared at Izuku but said nothing else. Izuku smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry," he said. Izuku didn't know the whole story behind his scar - just that there was an accident with the tea kettle.
Shouto took Izuku’s hand in his and laid his right hand over the red spot. Ice formed in his palm and Izuku sighed in relief.
His hand is soft, Shouto thought. He already knew that too; you touch someone’s hands a lot when you’re best friends for so long. Still, the feeling of Izuku’s hand against his was different, somehow. It sent sparks through his spine.
Maybe they were always there and Shouto never noticed.
He pulled his hand away. The red spot had subsided and it didn’t look like it would leave a mark. Shouto was relieved, but… he wanted to hold Izuku’s hand again.
"Thank you, Shouchan," Izuku said, smiling wide. Shouto had seen a lot more smiles since his grandparents had them move in after the incident. Even so, he thought Izuku's smile might be his favorite.
Izuku’s lips spread around his smile, but Shouto still saw the reddened spot he chewed on when he was nervous.
I wonder what it would be like if we kissed.
Wait, what?
Shouto's heart burst inside his chest. Had he really just thought that about his best friend?
Izuku served their food and they sat down to eat. If this had been any other moment, Shouto would have insisted to be the one to handle the pot so Izuku wouldn’t get burned again, but his mind was such a mess the thought hadn’t even crossed him.
While they ate, Izuku talked about the most recent heroes to debut. Shouto hummed and nodded at the appropriate times, but if you asked him later he wouldn’t be able to recall what Izuku said. His mind was full of these strange emotions he kept having.
He hadn’t always been like that around Izuku, right? Well, maybe he had thought his freckles were cute a couple times, but that was just the truth. His freckles were adorable. And yes, he might have felt weird in his belly sometimes when Izuku hugged him, but he always assumed that was because they were good friends and he liked being hugged by Izuku.
Shouto looked at Izuku as he slurped his food. Izuku’s eyes glimmered as he spoke, green like fresh spring grass. Shouto could look at them forever.
Something Fuyumi said suddenly came back to him. She had been telling them about a girl from her cram school she recently became friends with. She had been rambling on and on about how smart and nice the girl was and, after mentioning that she had beautiful golden eyes, Touya had interrupted her with a, “Aw, baby sis has a crush.”
“I don’t have a crush on her!” Fuyumi had protested, red in the face.
Touya hadn’t bought it. As much as Granny scolded Shouto when he said it, Touya was a little shit. “Do you think her eyes are so pretty you could stare at them for hours and never get bored?”
Fuyumi had gotten even redder. “I- yes,” she had sputtered.
“Then you have a crush,” Touya had said with a smirk.
Shouto choked on his food.
"Shouchan!" Izuku stood up so quickly his chair scraped against the floor. He lightly hit Shouto in the back until he had stopped coughing. "Are you alright?"
Shouto nodded. Izuku was too close again. “Y-yeah, just swallowed funny.”
And you know, realized I might have a crush on my best friend, but no big deal.
Izuku’s smile was small, but it filled Shouto’s chest with warmth. “I’m glad.”
Nevermind, I definitely have a crush.
...Touya is never going to let me live it down.
It didn’t take them long after that to finish their food. They washed the dishes together and Shouto was impressed with himself for even being able to hold a conversation after a realization like this. But at least Izuku didn’t seem to pick up on his freak-out.
They went back to studying after that, deciding to focus on the speaking part for now. Not Shouto’s first choice. He found pronouncing the words awkward and thus tended to mumble them. Izuku gave him the textbook and had him read it out loud.
“I like you,” Shouto read. Well, doesn’t that suit the situation. His cheeks burned and now he knew that it wasn’t because of his quirk. He kept his eyes on the page.
“Shouchan, I can’t understand you if you mumble,” Izuku said. “Say it more clearly, please.”
Someone out there is laughing at me. “I like you,” he said again, cheeks flushed. His heart skipped a beat at the words, even though he knew he wasn’t confessing to Izuku. This was just studying.
“One more time.”
“I like you,” Shouto said, looking at Izuku instead of the textbook.
Izuku smiled. “Yes! Good job, Shouchan. Okay, let’s try this line now.”
~*~
The fourth time was when they were fifteen.
It had been a couple of weeks since the U.A. entrance exams, and according to the school, the acceptance and rejection letter would be sent the next day. Izuku was not taking it well at all. His mood was horrible since the practical exams and as much as he tried to hide it behind fake smiles, Shouto could tell he was disappointed for not getting any points to pass.
So, Shouto and Inko-san had devised a plan: Shouto would come for a sleepover the night before the letters were due to arrive and they would do all of Izuku's favorite things to get his mind off it. Inko-san had gotten ingredients for Izuku's favorite food and Shouto had brought all the movies he knew Izuku liked and All Might candy.
They were lying on Izuku's bed, watching Beauty and the Beast on Shouto's laptop (ok, technically it was Natsuo's, but he wouldn't miss it). So far things were going… fine. Izuku cheered up sometimes, but the sadness would inevitably be back in his eyes soon. Shouto hated it. He couldn't stand seeing Izuku sad and knowing he could do nothing to solve the problem. If the letter tomorrow morning wasn't an acceptance one, Shouto couldn't change U.A.'s decision.
He glanced at Izuku pressed up against his side. On-screen, ‘Be our guest' was about to start, but even anticipation for his second favorite song in the movie couldn't cheer him up (his favorite was ‘Beauty and the Beast'). This just wouldn't do. Shouto had to take matters into his own hands.
As the first notes of ‘Be our guest’ started playing, Shouto got up from the bed. Izuku looked at him confused and Shouto grabbed a hat from where it was thrown on Izuku’s desk, his cheeks burning. This was going to be so embarrassing, but he didn’t care.
Lumiere started singing and Shouto sang along, moving his hat the same way the character on screen did. They had seen the movie enough times that he roughly remembered the choreography, and what he didn't remember he made up along the way. He sang, he danced and moved around the room, using everything he could see as props.
Shouto sat dramatically on Izuku's swiveling chair and looked at his friend from behind the hat. Izuku was smiling, and while that was a start, Shouto wasn't satisfied. He jumped off the chair, sending it spinning, and grabbed Izuku's hand. He pulled him up and they did the number together, as extra as they could be.
Shouto spun Izuku outwards the way he saw in a movie. Izuku laughed, his eyes shut, his cheeks flushed. Shouto couldn’t get enough. He would make himself a fool a thousand times over for that sound.
As the song finished, they slowed down, panting.
“What was that?” Izuku asked, sitting down on the bed. “Normally I’m the one getting you to do musical numbers.”
Shouto shrugged like it was no big deal, even though he heard Izuku’s laugh in his dreams. “I felt like it.”
Izuku’s smile softened and he had no right to do that to Shouto. He was too young to die. “Thank you,” Izuku said; his tone did things to Shouto’s insides and his heart melted, “for taking care of me. For the sleepover.”
Maybe Shouto should be surprised he was found out, but this is Izuku. He was one of the smartest people he knew. “How did you know?”
Izuku smirked - please Lord, have mercy. “My mum decides to make katsudon and bring strawberry shortcake on the night you decide to have a surprise sleepover, right before U.A. sends the letters? It was kinda obvious.”
“Did it work?”
Izuku leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Shouto and Shouto’s heart jumped out of his chest. Every time he thought his crush had quieted down and that he could keep it safely secret, Izuku did something that made him want to scream how much he loved him from the rooftops. This wasn’t fair; Shouto was weak.
“Yes.” Izuku whispered the word against Shouto’s neck and Shouto felt it vibrate through his body.
Izuku didn’t pull away, and Shouto sure as hell wasn’t going to do it himself. If Izuku needed a hug, he was going to give him one.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I don’t get in,” Izuku mumbled. The sorrow in his voice made Shouto’s heart break a little and he held him tighter.
“Then we’ll find a solution.”
“I guess.” Izuku shrugged in Shouto’s arms. “It’s gonna be lonely going to a different school than you.”
Shouto rubbed shapes onto Izuku’s back, circles, infinity symbols, hearts. “You don’t know if I’ll get in.”
Izuku huffed and his breath ruffled the hair at Shouto’s nape. “Don’t put yourself down to make me feel better. Of course you will.”
Shouto pulled away. He wanted to look at Izuku for this. “I’m not going to U.A. without you,” he said and Izuku gasped. “We’ll find a different school together.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Of course I do.” Sometimes, he wished so much for a way for Izuku to see himself through Inko-san’s eyes, or Shouto’s, or Fuyumi’s eyes. To see that people love and care for him. “You gave up your chance to get points to save someone. If U.A. can’t recognize that then their hero course is bullshit.”
Izuku’s surprised face changed and he burst out laughing. “Thanks, Shouchan.”
Inko-san called them for dinner soon after that. Inko told them about her day at work, and in turn, Shouto told them about Touya's process on his flower shop - at this rate, it would be open by next week. Once they were finished, they went back to Izuku's room to change into their pajamas.
That shouldn’t have been an issue. They were both boys after all, and they’ve been having sleepovers all their lives. They had seen each other in swim trunks and underwear, so what was the harm in Izuku taking his shirt off?
He was so naive. Shouto hadn’t seen his friend shirtless since before he got All Might’s power, before the months of grueling training he had gone through. When Izuku took his shirt off, Shouto expected to see his normal, soft body. He was prepared for that and he hadn’t made a fool of himself around a shirtless Izuku since the early days of crush, back in middle school.
But this. Shouto’s heart couldn’t handle this.
Simply put, Izuku was ripped. His training at the beach had filled him out, bulking out his frame so he no longer looked lanky. From where he was, Shouto could see the defined muscles in Izuku’s back sift as he took off his shirt, his biceps flexing. He remembered once when he went with Izuku to the beach to keep him company as he trained, and Shouto had seen his sweet friend of nine years pull a car like it was just a heavy box. That memory did not help.
Maybe Shouto should avert his eyes, try and maintain his friendship with Izuku, but he felt so warm. Izuku was the sun and he was setting Shouto on fire, but he didn’t mind burning.
Isn’t it too hot in here?
“What’s that smell?” Izuku muttered, pulling his shirt over his head and putting an end to Shouto’s torture. He turned around, slow like in a horror movie, and his face paled. “Shouchan! You’re on fire!”
That's when Shouto realized that the flickering light at the side of his eye wasn't the sunset but his own body. Flames danced along his shoulder and his hair, the room full of the smell of burning fabric. Despite the warmth of the fire, Shouto felt his blood run cold.
Izuku started hitting him with a pillow in hopes the fire would stop. Shouto did his best to calm down his fire - he might not have used it in nine years, but he could do this much. When it stopped he threw his burnt shirt on the ground.
“Oh my god, how did that happen?” Izuku asked, his voice high with panic, his hands running over Shouto to check for burns he wouldn’t find. “Are you…” Izuku blinked as Shouto’s unmarked skin. Shit shit shit. “You’re not burnt. How…”
Izuku’s eyes settled, hurt clear behind them when he understood what’s going on. “Why didn’t the fire burn you?” he asked anyway, his voice light with the hope that he was mistaken.
He wasn’t. “I… I didn’t get just my hair color from my father.”
Izuku’s eyes were impossibly wide and his voice comes out high-pitched at the end, the way it does when he lies to his mom about where he got a black eye. “You have two quirks?”
Sometimes, Shouto would imagine coming clean to Izuku about his quirk, and in his imagination Izuku would be excited about his unique ability, going straight into fanboy mode and forgetting to be upset. It’s not that simple in real life.
"It's one," Shouto said, like technicalities would take away from the fact that he had been lying to his best friend for nine years. "Ice on my right side and fire on my left." He cast his eyes to the ground, shame rolling over him like a tidal wave. "I'm sorry for not telling you."
“Why didn’t you?”
Shouto hated how pained Izuku sounded at that moment and he hated that he was responsible for it. “You know how my siblings and I moved in with my grandparents back when we first met?” Izuku nodded. He knew Shouto’s relationship with his parents was complicated, but nothing beyond that - Shouto had never told him. That part of him felt like an open wound and he didn’t want Izuku to learn of his ugly side. “They took custody of us after the incident that gave me my scar. Our father isn’t a good person.”
Shouto heard Izuku gasp, but he still didn’t look up at him. “Shouchan,” Izuku said, reaching out to Shouto and laying his hand on his. It was gentle, a reassurance that he didn’t have to say this if he didn’t want to.
“I didn’t want anything to do with him after we moved out, including his quirk,” Shouto continued, forcing himself onwards because he had to do this. “So I didn’t tell you about it when you asked when we were little, and after that I was scared that if I told you it would hurt you, or you would hate me for lying.”
Izuku’s arms were around him before Shouto could realize, his nose buried in Izuku’s hair. “I could never hate you,” he whispered against his shoulder. “I’m just disappointed with myself for making you feel like that.”
“That’s what I wanted to avoid,” Shouto said, his breathing ruffling Izuku’s curls. “If you didn’t hate me you would hate yourself because you’d think you’re not a good friend.”
Izuku laughed breathily, pulling back enough to look at Shouto. “Am I that transparent?”
Shouto smiled. Maybe this would be okay after all. “To me,” he said. “You’re my best friend, Izuku. I know you get insecure, but I like you. That’s not going to change.”
Izuku’s smile was blinding and right then Shouto knew he would do anything to see it again.
“Are we okay?” Shouto asked.
“Honestly,” Izuku sighed, plopping down on his bed, and Shouto followed him, “I’m upset you didn’t tell me even after I told you about One for All, but… You omitted the truth when we were six. I would be worried about telling me too if I were you.” A weight fell off Shouto’s chest, like he had been holding his breath all these years and is finally allowed to breathe.
“But please don’t lie to me again,” Izuku added with a smile, and Shouto suddenly remembered how big his friend’s grip strength now was.
“I won’t.”
“Good,” Izuku nodded. “So you haven’t used your fire in almost ten years?”
“Yeah.”
Izuku huffed, lying down on the bed. “Well, that’s just a waste. We should change that.”
Shouto doubted that even Izuku could get him to use the old man’s quirk, but he didn’t want to let him down, so he said nothing.
~*~
The fifth time was when Shouto was fifteen and Izuku sixteen.
They had just finished their performance for the cultural festival and backstage was a mess of people putting away equipment and changing out of their costumes. Fortunately, Shouto didn't have a lot of things to put aside since his ‘equipment' was his quirk. Unfortunately, that gave him no excuse to get out of Yaoyorozu's ‘pep talk'.
"It's going to be fine, Yukimura," Yaoyorozu said, patting Shouto's back as he had a last-minute freak-out.
He was going to do it. After three years of pining worthlessly after his childhood friend, he was going to tell Izuku how he felt about him.
If he didn’t have a heart attack first.
“You don’t know that,” he said, his words muffled from of his hands on his face. He was sitting in a fold-out chair someone had left behind, hidden behind a clothing rack. Shouto was grateful for it - at least this way he couldn’t feel his shaking knees.
Yaoyorozu sighed from beside him. If Shouto was in a different state of mind he would feel sorry for what he was putting her through (and what he had put her through; she had heard him gush about Izuku for hours). Right now he could do little more than groan at his past self for thinking he would be able to do this.
“Yes, I do,” Yaoyorozu said. “I get that confessing is hard,” Shouto glared at her, hissing to her to be quiet, and Yaoyorozu lowered her voice, “but you’ve been crushing on Mi-” Shouto cut her off again, looking around to see if anyone had heard her. Yaoyorozu rolled her eyes. “Him since before we started school. You have to tell him eventually.”
“Or, just a suggestion,” Shouto said, “I could suffer in silence with my emotions and take them to my grave.”
Yaoyorozu groaned. Even someone as patient as she had her limits. "Now you're just being dramatic. I promise you it will be alright." She rubbed at Shouto's back to calm him down, and while it didn't do much, Shouto appreciated the effort.
Except the hand on his back was suddenly gone and Yaoyorozu was dragging him off his chair. “Oh, look, it’s Midoriya!” Izuku appeared from the other side of the clothing rack and suddenly Shouto was being pushed into him. “Well, I shouldn’t be keeping you, have fun!”
If it wasn’t for Izuku’s sturdy built (something that Shouto shouldn’t be remembering right now because it wasn’t helping his nerves) he would have fallen over. As it was, Shouto simply crushed right into him and Izuku’s hands were immediately up to keep him steady against his chest (also not helping).
Shouto took a step back, hoping to any higher power there might be that Izuku didn't hear his heart going off like Bakugou's explosions. Izuku's face was flushed, probably from the show, and he looked towards where Yaoyorozu ran off. "What was that about?" he asked.
“Nothing important,” he said, even as he mentally cursed at Yaoyorozu. He bitted the inside of his cheek; he couldn’t back down now, so he steadied himself and as naturally as he could said, “Do you want to go watch the fireworks together? They’re starting soon.”
Izuku perked up, smiling. “Yeah,” he said, a bit too loudly. He caught himself and his smile turned shy, his cheeks still flushed. “I, uh, I actually wanted to ask you that too. Guess you were faster than me.”
“Y-Yeah.” Shouto groaned in his head. Of course I had to stutter.
They walked out together, weaving through the crowd of students, parents, and teachers that were flooding the school grounds. The crowd was even bigger than before now that night had fallen and the fireworks were scheduled to begin soon. Couples walked around them, holding hands and sharing sweets, and Shouto grew even more anxious. Would Izuku figure out what he was planning to do before he managed to confess? This was a romantic setting, after all. Shouto didn't know what he would do if he was rejected before even telling Izuku his feelings.
“So,” he started, eager to fill the silence between them, “how did Eri like the show?”
“She liked it a lot,” Izuku said. He didn’t have to say it for Shouto to know how much he cared for the young girl - his soft, content smile was enough. “I gave her the candy apple you helped me make.”
Shouto nodded, even though his heart wanted to jump out of his chest. “I’m glad.”
The conversation died after. Shouto didn’t know what else to say, and Izuku seemed not to either. The air felt thick between them, as if there was a wall separating them, despite that they were close enough for their hands to brush. It was so foreign to Shouto - they had been together all their lives. Silence had never been so tense. It made Shouto’s skin crawl and his knees weak with nerves.
People around them were settling down to watch the fireworks, sitting on benches or blankets on the ground. Shouto and Izuku found a spot of grass without a lot of people around and a clear view of the sky and, with a few stuttered words, decided to sit down there.
Shouto clenched the grass between his fingers. The awkwardness was even worse now that they didn’t have the monotonous motion of walking to distract them. I have to do this. Come on, Shouto!
“Izuku-”
“Shouchan-”
Shouto closed his gaping mouth, biting the inside of his cheek.
“Um, you go first,” Izuku said, glancing at the ground, his freckles painted pink.
Shouto gulped. Here goes nothing. “I don’t know how to do this, so I’m going to be blunt,” he said slowly. He took a deep breath - once he said this there was no going back. “I like you, Izuku. N-not just in a friend way.”
Shouto couldn't hear the people around him anymore - his heartbeat was too loud for him to. Izuku stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open when he gasped. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
“Do you want to go out with me?”
~*~
Izuku didn’t say anything at first; he simply looked at Shouto as if he didn’t believe his ears. Shouto’s hands shook against his sides. Is he going to reject me? Oh, shit, I just ruined everything, I shouldn’t have said anything, shit shit -
But before Shouto could backpedal, Izuku smiled. His smile grew bigger and bigger until it took up most of his face, brilliantly happy and bright. “Yes!” Izuku threw his arms around Shouto’s neck hugging him like he never wanted to let go. Izuku’s heart beat against their chests, hard enough for Shouto to feel it. “God, yes,” Izuku whispered against Shouto’s neck.
Shouto buried his face in Izuku’s shoulder, smiling against his shirt. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that - maybe a few seconds, maybe minutes - and he didn’t care to find out. He was so happy he could burst.
Izuku pulled away enough to look Shouto in the eyes, his arms still looped around his neck. “Was this why you wanted to see the fireworks together?”
“Y-yeah. I thought it’d be romantic.”
Izuku’s laugh was light and breathy, music in the night. “I-I was planing the same thing.”
“So you-”
Izuku nodded. “I like you too. H-have been for a long time.” He ducked his head shyly, peering up at Shouto through his eyelashes. Shouto wanted to kiss him so much. Does he know what he’s doing to me? “Is that pathetic?”
“I’m not one to judge.” Shouto shrugged and Izuku’s arms moved along with him. They felt perfect around him, like they belonged there. “I’ve known I liked you since we were twelve.”
Izuku laughed and Shouto knew he wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life.“I think I’ve liked you since we were ten,” Izuku said, his freckles standing out against his blush. “I didn’t realize what it was for some time, though.”
The first firework went off above their heads, painting the sky golden. More followed, setting the night ablaze. Izuku’s eyes glimmered as he looked up at them and Shouto couldn’t tear his eyes away from him even if he tried.
“Y-you know,” Izuku said, “if this was a movie, this is where we’d kiss.”
I’m dead. I’m dead and this is heaven. “Yeah?”
Izuku leaned in and his eyes darted down to Shouto’s mouth. “Mm.”
They were so close Shouto felt Izuku’s shaky breath against his lips. “Do it, then,” he whispered.
Izuku closed the gap between their lips with barely contained excitement. It was slow and clumsy, full of years of pent-up feelings. Shouto was burning, or maybe freezing, or maybe both, but either way he loved it. The fireworks couldn’t compare to this.
They pulled apart to breathe, their foreheads touching. Shouto was smiling so much his cheeks hurt. “Can we do that again?”
Izuku was already leaning in. “Please.”
It was there, underneath the fireworks, with their smiles melding into one, that Shouto knew he didn’t just like Izuku Midoriya. He loved him.