Archive of Our Own ^beta

Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt

If you ask me, don't know where to start

“You’re nothing without me!!”

Tears streamed down your face as you ran from your house. Your vans pounded the side walk as your legs carried you as fast as you could go. The new bruises on your face and body ached and throbbed as the blood pounded in your ears. The words of your boyfriend echo in your head.

‘Worthless.’

“Fat bitch!’

‘That’s why I’m cheating on you!’

He was an abusive asshole and you knew leaving him was the best option but it wasn’t that easy. He paid for your schooling, he supported you, you literally had nothing without him, but he was also controlling and manipulative and mean. The two of you had been together for five years. Your entire family had abandoned you. Their excuse was ‘to teach you a lesson,’ and ‘we can’t watch you destroy yourself.’ You weren’t allowed to have friends, a phone,a computer. Nothing. He controlled every bit of your life.

You ran and ran until your legs gave out and you collapsed onto the ground, a sobbing mess. Your (h/c) hair fell around your shoulders and stuck to the wet trails on your face. How could you have let it get this out of hand? Maybe you were as stupid as everyone said. He had taken everything from you, and you had given it to him because you convinced yourself he loved you. He’s only doing it because he loves you is what you told yourself. Your heart broke as the images of what you had walked in one flashed through your mind. The busty blonde on his lap, their lips pressed together in a heated make out session. You had walked into the house after a long day at school to see them making out.

He didn’t even spare you a second glance when you started screaming at him. He told the girl to leave, walked her to the door and kissed her again, while you were screaming and crying. Once she was gone his hand was around your throat. Hit after hit was given as he screamed at you about how worthless you are. He’s right, you are worthless.

Anger, love, confusion

Roads that go nowhere

I know there's somewhere better

'Cause you always take me there

Your throat burned as the sobs escaped it. You were almost sure he had nearly crushed your trachea. The skin on your neck was swollen and bruising already. Anger welled up inside of you as you punched the cement of the sidewalk over and over again. You felt a crack and a pop in your hand, the blood dripped from your knuckles but you didn’t feel it. Pain and anger was consuming you and there was no room for the physical pain you knew you should be feeling. There was a metallic taste in your mouth from your busted lip and broken nose. How could you be so stupid? This isn’t love…. It never was. He just wanted you there for some random sex and someone to cook and clean for him. There was no love left, if there ever was any in the first place.

You looked up to try and get a feel of where you were and felt slight relief washing over you when you realized you were at the park about six miles from your house. A humorless chuckle escapes your mouth at the thought of running six miles to get here. Since when could you run six miles?

Pulling yourself up onto shaky legs and limping to the bench near the oak tree at the park gate you collapse onto it. The ache in your back made itself known as it hit the cold metal bench. “Shit.” Your whole body was aching, your head was throbbing, your neck and throat hurt, and your face is also extremely painful. You lift a hand and rub a thumb over your bottom lip, there’s red on it when you bring it away. “Great.”

You had no idea how long you had been sitting there, just watching the cars go by every once in a while. It wasn’t a surprise no one had noticed you yet. This was LA after all, who really cares about anyone but themselves? Certainly not the asshole who did this to you.

He didn’t care about anyone but himself. You know that, you just didn’t want to admit it. Praying for him to change back into the man you fell in love with hasn’t done any good. He’s stripped you of your family, friends, self - confidence, independence. Everything. He’s taken everything and you let him. How could you be so stupid?

You knew you had to leave. You have to get out of there, but how? You have no job, no money. It’ll be another nine months before you graduate from school and start working. Tears started streaming down your face again as you pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on the top of them. You’re completely stuck. Maybe the asshole would kill you one day and this would all be over. A sense of helplessness washed over you. It seeped into your bones and wrapped around your heart as you watched a bird bounce around on the ground in front of you. You silently prayed from help, a glimmer of hope, anything to pull you out of this darkness you were living in.

Came to you with a broken faith

Gave me more than a hand to hold

Caught before I hit the ground

Tell me I'm safe, you've got me now

There were lights coming down the road. Your eyes watched the blue sports car go by slightly before it braked and pulled to the shoulder of the road. The thought of a creepy, rapist coming to kidnap you briefly crossed your mind, but the way you feel now you couldn’t bring yourself to really care. The door opened and a boy stepped out. He was dressed in a white tank top that showed off his extremely buff arms, and the gym shorts he wore let your eyes rest on the many tattoos covering his leg. The street light made his brown hair glow, almost like a halo as he started walking towards you. The closer he got the better you could see him and he was completely hot. Sharp jawline, brown eyes, angled eyebrows, tanned skin. The wing in his ear sparkled slightly as it swayed.

You sat up slightly, running a hand through your hair in a feeble attempt to make it look less like a mess. Your hands wiped at your eyes, trying to remove some of the evidence you had been crying. He stopped in front of you. Your (e/c) eyes trailed up his body to rest of his face. He was actually beautiful. Why was he here?

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you, I just noticed you sitting here looking quite upset. I just wanted to ask if you’re okay.” He voice was deep. A calming feeling enveloped you at hearing it. Then he smiled at you and your heart skipped a beat.

You found yourself returning the smile ever so slightly before you remembered the situation. Tears brimmed your eyes again and you wiped at them with your hoodie sleeve. “I…uh…yeah.”

The boy raised an eye brow at you. He had seen the bruises all over your face, no doubt. “Can I sit?” You give him a slight nod. “Listen….I know you’re not okay. I know you have no idea who I am… but I’m going to sit here with you, just so you know you’re not alone.” He sat down on the bench beside you. Close enough you could feel the heat radiating from him, but far enough away none of your limbs touched.

‘You’re not alone.’ The words echoed in your head and a dry chuckle escapes your lips. “Of course I am.”

“No you’re not. I’m here now.” His voice was more calming than you expected it to be. Why did he care?

“Why?” Your voice was shaky, despite your attempts to calm down.

“Why what?” His eyes were soft, and you could see the worry in his face as he studied the damage to yours. Why was he worried about you? He looks like a fuck boy if you’re completely honest with yourself. No way in hell could he honestly care about a girl like you? Worthless. Fat.

“Why do you care?” The question came out snappier than you meant it but he seemed to be unfazed.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through and I won’t ask, but you look like you need someone, and I want to be that someone.”

He somehow made you feel like you could actually talk to him. His presence was calming, a feeling you haven’t felt in years.  “He took everything from me….my family, my friends, my baby….. even my fucking cat…. And I just fucking let him….”

“Who?” His brown eyes never left your face as he listened to you talk. A concerned look painted his features.

“My boyfriend…. Or ex. I don’t really know what we are anymore.”

He nodded, an angry look crossed his face for a brief second. “Did he do this to you?”

You nodded. “If you mean beat the hell out of me and take what little piece of my heart I had left, then yeah.” Why were you talking to him? Maybe it’s because you have no idea who he is. He’s unbiased, and doesn’t seem to be judging you.

There was a dark expression on his face as he studied your injuries. There were hand print bruises decorating your thighs that your white shorts didn’t cover. You knew there was way more under the hoodie you were wearing. His eyes met yours as he glanced over you facial wounds. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”

You smiled at him slightly, a real smile. “No need to apologize, it has nothing to do with you.”

“It does now. I won’t let him hurt you again.” His voice was dark, and you somehow knew he meant it. For some reason you didn’t mind. You had just met him not even ten minutes ago but he radiated kindness and warmth. Something you had been craving. This could be a giant mistake trusting him, but you wanted to so badly.

“I have nowhere else to go, I have to-“

“No. You aren’t going back there. Listen we have a guest house at my place and plenty of spare rooms. You can crash there until you figure things out. I promise you’ll be safe there. I know I’m a stranger but if you’ll let me I promise to do everything I can to help.” His eyes were hopeful, and something in your heart told you he was trustworthy.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose on you or anything….”

He laughed slightly, a beautiful sound you wanted to hear over and over again. “Of course, I’m sure.” He stood up and offered a hand to you. “Come on. It’s only about fifteen minutes from here.”

You took his out stretched hand and let him lead you to the passenger side of his extremely nice car. You got in and he closed the door for you before rounding to the driver side and getting in. The dash lights illuminated his face in the most beautiful way and you found yourself smiling again. How could he just come swooping in and take your mind off of everything so easy? Was he an angel?

“I’m Grayson by the way. Grayson Dolan.”

You return his smile. “(Y/n y/l/n.)”

Would you take the wheel?

If I lose control?

If I'm lying here

Will you take me home?

The ride to his place wasn’t as awkward as you expected it to be. He made you laugh more than you had in years and you found yourself thanking God he showed up. He didn’t pry into your story, he didn’t ask any questions, he just did anything he could to take your mind off of it. Including singing, dancing and laughing. You already loved his laugh.

“My brother is home.” Grayson says as he pulls into the driveway. You notice multiple cars in the driveway of an extremely nice house. The one you live in with your boyfriend wasn’t the nicest. It was only two bedrooms, one bath. Of course you were grateful and excited when you first moved in, until things went to shit. Grayson rounded the car and opened your door, offering you his hand. You gladly took it and let him help you from the car.

“Wow. Grayson. Your house it way cool.” You chuckled slightly and he gave you a wide smile.

“You really have no idea who I am do you?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. Should you know him? “No….should I?”

Grayson laughed and shook his head. “No. It’s actually refreshing to not be recognized for once.”

The gears in your head started turning. Not recognized? Nice house and car? Extremely attractive? “Are you famous or something?”

Grayson let out a loud laugh and nodded. “Something like that.” He led you into the house and you looked around, taking notes of how awesome his house was. The high ceilings and windows screamed rich bachelor, you had watched enough TV to know those are the type of guys that live in houses like this.

“Ethan! I’m back bro!” There was no response to his yell. He turned to you and shrugged. “He’s probably sleeping as usual.”

You followed him into the kitchen. Mentally saving his brother’s name for future reference.

“Hop up here and I’ll help you clean up.” He patted the counter top and gave you a smile. “If that’s okay.” You nodded. “I’ll be right back.” You watched him leave, eyes studying his broad shoulders. How was he so hot?

 You went to hop onto the counter when you noticed the blood seeping through your hoodie arm. Images of his nails digging into your skin hard enough to draw blood came back to your memory and you sighed. You contemplated pulling your hoodie off but you hesitated. Maybe you should ask Grayson first. Eventually you just shrugged and decided to. Grayson already knew your boyfriend was an abusive piece of shit. Why would it hurt to show him everything? You laid your hoodie across the counter and then hopped up onto it yourself. Your eyes roamed the kitchen and you found yourself feeling extremely out of place. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to people like you. Shitty situation, meet a nice guy who wants to help you? Yeah, that sounds like a lifetime movie.

It took Grayson a few minutes to come back with a basket of supplies. “Hey…” He trailed off when he looked up at you. His eyes roamed your body, now clad in just a t-shirt and shorts. The multiple bruises and cuts littering your arms were a stark contrast on your pale skin. You felt extremely naked in front of his roaming eyes but it wasn’t exactly an unwelcomed feeling.

“Sorry… I should have asked before I took my hoodie off.”

Grayson shook his head. His eyes were dark and his jaw was tight as he made his way over to you. Anger painted his features. “No, you’re okay.” He laid the basket beside you and pulled out various things.

Your eyes roamed his face, the concentration and anger showing on his face. His jaw was tight. He looked so angry and before you thought about it you reached out a hand to rest on his arm. His skin was warm and you saw the slight jump when you touched him. “Grayson….” He looked at you, his eyes softening. “Please don’t be angry over this. It was my own mistake. I let him do this to me….”

Grayson opened his mouth to reply but bit his lip slightly instead before he looked back at the towel he had laid on the counter. Grabbing it and pouring peroxide on it before wiping the blood from your arm. He was silent for a while as he busied himself cleaning your wounds. His hands are gentle as he moves them across your skin to clean the cuts. When he finishes he looks at you with an unreadable expression. “(Y/N), this isn’t your fault. No one has the right to hurt you. You could never do anything to deserve what he’s done to you.”  

His statement confuses you slightly. How could he be so sure of that? You could be a horrible person. He doesn't know you yet he's being this nice? This caring? You shrug. “Yeah maybe not, but you don’t know the full story.” You cast your eyes towards the ground. He was only being nice because he felt sorry for you. No way a guy like this actually cared.

“I don’t need to. I know enough to hate him.” His fingers lifted your chin and the two of you locked eyes. “You are amazing, and I promise you from now on he will never hurt you again.”

“Thank you.” You didn’t know what else to say, with eyes full of tears again and a smile on your face you stared into his eyes. They were sincere and a mix of emotions filled you.

Could you take care of a broken soul?

Will you hold me now?

Oh, will you take me home?

Grayson finished helping you clean up and then led you to the bathroom, giving you a change of clothes and leaving you alone to shower. You insisted you were fine but he was very adamant that a warm shower would ease some of your pain. The bathroom was even nice. You cried in the shower, as you usually do, relief and anger and sadness flowed out of you and you felt like you could breathe for the first time in years. You kept praying you wouldn't wake up and this all be a dream. You stepped out and dried yourself off before grabbing the clothes you were left. You were surprised to see Grayson had given you a white t-shirt and pair of Calvin Cline sweatpants. They smelled like him and you felt like a giddy high school kid as you pulled them on.

“Okay, he’s totally famous or something.” You laughed, running a hand through your wet hair. This was the first time seeing yourself. You looked a mess. Black and blue decorated your face and nose. Your eyes were tired, with bags under them, and very puffy from all the crying. You ran a hand over the bruises gently, wincing when touching your nose. Grayson had assured you it wasn't broken. Saying he and his brother do crazy shit all the time and he knows what a broken nose looks like. You made a mental note to ask him about that later. You looked a mess but somehow you didn't care much. Where was nothing you could do about it. With a sigh you exit the bathroom. 

When you stepped out and went to make your way to Grayson's room he had shown you on the way to the bathroom, eyes down caste, you ran into what felt like a chest and nearly fell to the ground but a strong arm wrapped itself around your back and pulled you forward.

“Woah there.” A male voice said. Your eyes trailed upwards and your eyes widened. This wasn’t Grayson but he had to be his brother. They were twins. Anyone could see that. You could see the differences, the slightly different jawline, and the longer hair. Their eyes were almost identical and you found yourself smiling at him.

“You must be Grayson’s brother.”

He removed his arm from you and took a step back. His mouth opened and then closed like he didn’t know what to say. You knew he was staring at the bruises on your face.

“Ethan.” Grayson’s voice saved you from a slightly awkward situation and sent a wave of relief into you.

“Hey Gray. You didn’t tell me there was someone here.” Ethan laughed. It was different from Grayson’s but you still found yourself smiling at him.

“Yeah, sorry bro. You were asleep when I got home.” Grayson pulls you into him and wraps arm around you. It confuses you at first but you can’t bring yourself to care. He felt so safe and he smelled good. “This is (Y/N).”

You wave at him and smile. “Nice to meet you Ethan.”

Ethan nods and smiles at you. “Nice to meet you. I hope Grayson isn’t being a douche bag.”

Grayson laughs. “Yeah right, like I’m the douche bag between us.”

Ethan shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Whatever man. Okay, well I’m going back to bed. Nice meeting you. Don’t let Gray scare you away.” He winks and disappears down the hall. Your eyes watched him go, his shoulders weren’t as broad as Grayson’s but he was still extremely cute. You wanted to get to know Ethan too. He seemed like a great guy.

Hold the gun to my head, count 1, 2, 3

If it helps me walk away then it's what I need

Every minute gets easier

The more you talk to me

You rationalize my darkest thoughts

Yeah, you set them free

You were laying on Grayson’s bed a little while later. His hand was running through your hair as you stared at the ceiling. He brought you to his room after the run in with Ethan and told you to rest while he took a shower. It surprised you that he trusted you enough to leave you in his room alone but at the same time it didn’t. Grayson seemed to honestly care about you and it made you feel a glimmer of hope for the future if Grayson turns out to truly be the angel you need.  

Once he left the room your thoughts attacked you once again and you began sobbing, tears running down your cheeks. He came back from his shower to see you having another breakdown and immediately came over to pull you into his arms. You were wondering if this was all a dream. No way you were lucky enough to meet someone who cared this much after just meeting you an hour or so ago.

“Gray?” Your voice was shaky.

He propped himself up on one arm to look at you. “Yeah?”

“I don’t want to go back there.” You roll over and lay your cheek on your arm. Your eyes meeting his.

Grayson laid a hand on your cheek. “You don’t have to.”

You smile at him. This had to be a dream. Grayson was looking at you with a soft, caring expression. There was a gleam of something in his eyes you couldn’t put a name to. “Are you sure?”

“More sure of anything I ever have been before. I promise you he will never hurt you again. If you let me I will do everything in my power to help you, protect you and make you happy again.” He smiled that beautiful smile and you believed him. You believed that he would keep you safe.

“You’re an angel.”

“You’re the angel (y/n).” His thumb rubbed across your cheek. “There is no excuse for what he’s done to you. I won’t ask you to tell me everything if you aren't ready, but can I ask you something?”     

“Of course.”

“Why did you stay for so long?” His voice was thick with concern as he asked the question.

You thought for a minute before sighing. “We were together for five years. He took everything from me. Like I said before, I let him alienate me from my entire life outside of him. My friends and family all left me. I had no one and nothing but him. He pays for my classes, I wasn't allowed to have a job, anything of my own. It was always excuses like ‘I’m all you need,’ and ‘if you love me you’ll do this for me.’ I convinced myself he loved me. I felt ugly, and worthless so I told myself no one else could want me. I always made excuses to stay. A part of me still believes everything he said. I’m nothing without him….” You trailed off as tears welled back up in your eyes.

Grayson’s strong arms circled your waist. “You are not nothing.” He pulled you into his strong chest, one hand running up and down your back and the other tangled in your now damp hair. “You are sweet, and beautiful, and someone who deserves way more than this life has given you.” He pulled away slightly to look at you, thumb rubbing away the wetness under your eyes. “And I want to show you how amazing you are, I want to show you everything and give you back everything he took from you. You won’t be lost anymore, I want to bring happiness back to you….. If you’ll let me.”

Could you take care of a broken soul?

Oh, will you hold me now?

Oh, will you take me home?

You couldn’t answer him through the knot in your throat. He was truly an angel. He was sweet, caring and so beautiful. You want to drown in his eyes and hear his laugh forever. Even if this crashes and burns you still wanted to jump into everything that is Grayson. Safety, kindness, sincerity, you haven't felt that in years and it was so refreshing to see someone actually care after so long. Before you could talk yourself out of it your hands moved to circle his neck as you brought your lips to his in a quick motion. You briefly wondered what the hell you were doing but this was Grayson. Grayson who saved you.

His arm tightened around your waist, the hand in your hair pressing your head closer to him.  He returned your kiss with such a passion. Your lips moved together perfectly. His lips were warm and soft and he tasted so much like Grayson. There was no other word to describe it. Every thought melted from your mind and was replaced with him. All you needed right now was him. When you pulled apart to breathe he rested his forehead on yours and gave you a wide, beautiful smile and you never felt so safe, and fucking happy. 

You say space will make it better

And time will make it heal

I won't be lost forever

And soon I wouldn't feel

Like I'm haunted, oh, falling

He held you that night. You slept better than you have in years. You felt completely safe and cared about laying there in Grayson’s arms. If he had allowed you to have a phone you knew it would be blowing up by now because you never stay gone that long. Little did he know you weren’t coming crawling back this time. You finally had the angel you prayed so long to have,and now you found yourself praying he would never leave.

Could you take care of a broken soul?

Oh, will you hold me now?

Oh, will you take me home?

He never left you. He was your home now.